#when YOU are the moron running into a BOSS battle with EVERYONE ELSE back on the last mob not even in the arena?!?!

[heavensbled]

I just wanted a chill dungeon run after work, level up my boy, but this toxic ass player wanted to test me and use TOS to shield himself? Nah baby. Refusing to play your role and heal anyone for not doing what you want them to do is against TOS. And I take it personal when people refuse to heal whenever Zack is in so much as a 200 mile vicinity. So enjoy your chat with the devs, never once have they said I'm wrong.

[border-spam]

Leech Lord - Beginnings and regrets

The single least Seifa thing Seifa has ever done, is probably also the most actual Seifa thing she's ever done, and that's extremely Seifa of her.

It was going against every lesson survival had beaten into her so far in her life, and helping Tyreen instead of walking away all those years ago.

(Pre CoV)

Pandora is a terrible place.

The whole Galaxy is, Pandora just has a reputation that's honest about it.

The Edens, Athenas, Promethea, Tantalus, every city on every settled planet is built on a foundation of bones, nowhere's really safe or actually wants the humans that settled uninvited and ruined the neighborhood. Can't really expect an ecosystem to welcome you with open arms when you immediately start destroying it for profit, and life ain't easy anywhere. Nowhere is good. Nowhere is nice.

You can't live for long without finding out how dangerous "caring" is.

Small family units survive, yeah, clans scrabble out a living on rock plains and migrant space-rigs, but if you hold out a hand to a stranger in need you need to know the risks, need to really understand how likely it is that there's a knife behind their back and a couple of crosshairs already trained on you.

You have to be harsh, you have to be cruel. Everyone who makes it on the border planets knows the unwritten rules.

Unless you've the backing of a town militia or a hell of a lot of weaponry, you can't afford to risk your own safety for others - and Sei has walked past more people who gasped out a desperate plea for help with one of the few breaths they had left then she could ever, ever let herself acknowledge. Fuck man, everyone has. It's one of the sad truths of living at the knifepoint everyone balances on out here at the fringe.

...It's no different really on the corporate ones, the blades waiting to land in your back are just better dressed there.

So, when Seifa went to walk away from that filthy kid in the junkyard with the busted SMG and found herself stopping as the girl pleaded for medicine, that was beyond out of character.

That was weird. That was impossible to justify, and she lost plenty of nights to trying to do so after - long ones, with tears and far too much whiskey.

It's hard to think back on, how unsettling and stomach turning that first month had been. The whole thing feels like a blur, some grease smeared memory that's mostly lost to the desperately anxious conflict that was going on in her head the entire time. She can remember specific points, but they're half images half feeling, nerves and worry all tangled together into something she hates dwelling on.

She remembers the heat mirages swirling above the desert sands as Elpis set on the horizon, driving the girl out across the salt flats as Ty panicked and urged Sei to go faster, all while she was trying to explain to herself WHY she hadn't slapped this stranger out of her buggy and throttled in the opposite direction. What had gotten into her?

She doesn't remember anything that the kid had said as she was lead by her into that dark shack, still battling with why she wasn't turning around, why she was gingerly picking through debris to reach what looked like a hastily set up camp surrounded by rusting sheet metal and pieces that used to be the hovel - but she remembers the stink of fever sweat that wrinkled her nose and that sad mound of sharp angles heaped at the center by a burnt out fire pit, and the shock of realising it was a man when Tyreen had dropped to her knees and begged through sobs for him to keep breathing.

That she had "Found someone to help."

Recalls fighting back the equal disgust she felt with herself for helping carry the nothing he weighed out of that shithole, and for the fact he was still alive in this state. Covered in filth, blood, chunks of.. something, and reeking of puke and god knows what else. How she chewed at her lip till she tasted copper as the buggy engine rattled in complaint under them, flooring it when she knew the shoddy weld job on the left axle wasn't going to take this strain and would need another couple of hundred dollars she didn't have in repairs by the time she got these pathetic kids back to her ship - and she remembers wincing hours later at her empty medical cabinet after gutting it to keep the boy alive.

Saline stock sucked dry, bactum wasted, and she was saving those health kits for when she might need them...

It was a bad decision. It was a stupid decision, and she'd spent that first night when the girl had cried herself to sleep and he'd finally stabilised, sitting on the cold floor of her quarters with her back pressed against the repurposed mag-lock door, cradling her pistol in her lap as she gnawed at her nails.

They were Sirens.

Sirens.

Moron. Stupid fucking twat, If Boss found out, he'd kill her before these two could get the chance.

Helping them had been idiot move enough, had gone against every fiber of who she'd built herself into, but she couldn't have known. Tyreen had been covered in rags, and Troy's markings too dim and caked in muck to even see before they'd gotten him cleaned up and stable.

She hadn't known. She didn't know, nothing about Sirens anyway, just that you didn't fuck with 'em in the first place. Sirens were bad news, Sirens were the bane of Pandora in the last few years and everyone knew the stories. They were monsters who could turn you inside out or roast you alive without needing to point a gun first, and now she had two in her home with no defenses bar a shitty Jacobs she knew damn well she could barely aim, and hopefully enough faux confidence to seem in control of the situation.

That first night had been the worst.

The twins slept fine, Troy out cold and Ty having cried herself unconscious shortly after his heart beat had become something possible to confuse with normal if you squinted at the scan display from the right angle, but Sei didn't close her eyes once.

Sat awake all night in the clunking, humming, rattling silence of her home as she thumbed the revolver's cylinder slowly, considering how each click marked another second she'd left them both alive instead of doing the right thing and emptying a round into each of their skulls. Pandora would take care of the bodies and she'd fix a serious mistake she was walking straight into... but the suns rose in the end, and the twins were none the wiser about how close the decision had actually been.

It didn't really get better. The fear did, that passed over the next couple of days, but not the worry, not the regret. Two more mouths to feed when she only had the funds for herself? The girl was going to have to learn how to work. The cash she'd put aside was for her junker colony, not strangers, and the boy still couldn't even stand... and how were things going to pan out even if they so far didn't seem to be quite as monstrous as she'd been told so many times in no name dive bars in settler towns?

What if she took Tyreen out on a barter run and her markings got noticed? That mad corporate fuckwad Sexy George or fuckin whatever had just been running some reward scheme for Sirens, right? Would the lowbrows she dealt with on a daily basis here comprehend that wasn't a thing anymore, or would Sei be shanked and Ty abducted within hours of setting foot in a trade dock?

And him...

What the fuck was she going to do with him.

He wouldn't talk, wouldn’t even look at her, just some massive, gangly, awkward, nervous child that ghosted around the edge of her vision and scurried out of the room like a panicked Skag pup if she made the mistake of looking directly at him.

Sick still, even if he was trying to stay in his crew cubby for less every day, the one she'd told him was his and still had not a word of thanks for yet. Shaky, delicate, and in no physical condition to be able to help around the ship yet alone have a chance of bringing in some extra dollars, even if he hadn't been missing such a huge chunk of himself. Pity wasn't going to keep him fed, and she was pissed with herself for feeling it for him in the first place.

She figured that's what had done it really... them being siblings.

That raw desperation in Tyreen's voice as she'd begged Seifa to help when she'd turned to walk away. That her brother was so sick and she didn't know what to do. Siblings gut punched her in ways she knew were a weakness out here. The twin thing? That had just cemented it really. Helping wasn't in Seifa's nature, but leaving kids to die wasn't in her bones.

Still, she'd make it work, she always did. They'd survive, and she'd come out of this in profit one way or another, that was as sure as an Athenian monk lowballing an offer.

She'd train the girl up and run some deals with her, cover the costs of helping them out with a tidy margin for herself - then she'd leave 'em with the tools to survive, a couple of hundred bucks to get started and never have to see them again.

She'd be fine. She was always fine.

That's very Seifa of her.

Asks are Open!

[aerithagainstabusers]

So I saw Greg’s review of the Final Fantasy 7 Remake and it was so dumb I had to pick it apart so here we go. Spoilers for the remake below

This starts off bad. Immediately Greg is whining that the game isn’t what he wants. He complains about knowing the characters too well which is an absolutely insane thing to complain about. The deaths of the AVALANCHE don’t mean much in the original. You meet them a few times then they die. You have no connection to them

By getting to know them more - like Wedges love for the Sector Seven cats and how Jessie was an actress before her dad became gravely Ill after working for Shinra, they become more human. You can relate to them more and there’s more investment there. So when the fall of that plate comes? Losing them is more impactful than in the original

The battle system can be set to the same as the original in classic mode except you can’t physically attack (that is automatically done for you) so Greg can’t really complain about that. Sounds like he’s mad he died at bosses he didn’t die to in the original

His complaint about Sephiroth is weird. He’s the main bad guy. He needs to show up. With Sephiroth in the OG, you only hear about him a few times while in Midgar, where the remake is set. They need to bring him In much earlier and show Cloud suffering PTSD to understand this guy is a threat.

He also complains about not having a lot to do. And yeah while it’s not as open you have way more to do. The side quests are actually side quests - with the original, the only side quests you really have before leaving Midgar is dressing Cloud up and getting the perfume, tiara, and underwear. Otherwise? You’re stuck doing what the game tells you to do

You might ask “why are you always saying ‘in the original when you’re in Midgar’and I’ll explain that now

This. Is. Not. A. Spoiler.

The creators said from the start it would only be in Midgar and it would be an episodic game. All the promotional materials showed the game only in Midgar. It was obvious that IT WAS ONLY IN MIDGAR. Greg has no right to complain.

Now yes. You don’t have the same free travel but there is more to travel and there’s so much more content to make up for the fact you can’t leave the city. And by doing so, Midgar comes alive. So when you leave? It feels more of a loss and like you are leaving somewhere you have a connection to. Now this was disappointing because I was definitely wanting more. Like I wanted to keep playing in because it was dragging me in. But it was clear from the start and they were transparent with this. Greg clearly wasn’t looking all the things that were coming out about the game since you knew what was going on.

It even says on the back of the box it’s going to be the story in Midgar and that it’s the first game of the remake “project” and would go deeper into the city

Why is Greg surprised and acting like he’s being cheated out?

His next complaint is.... very worrying

Nanaki in the original never acted like a pervert with Aerith. He acted like he was aggressive to lower Hojos guard but that’s a nitpick. But the rest? Holy fuck Greg, STAY AWAY FROM WOMEN

in the remake, Hojo does not have plans to crossbreed Aerith and Nanaki. Instead? He wants to have SOLIDERS repeatedly rape her so she can “breed” and laughs in her face as he tells her all about how he ripped her mother’s corpse to shreds so he can continue to investigate her. There’s only molecules left of Iflana. He also tries to kill Cloud, Tifa, and Barret so he can show aerith their corpses to kill her hope she’ll be saved

But more importantly, Hojo's proposal in the remake is far more horrifying than in the original. He wants her to be raped over and over. Why the fuck doesn’t Greg see this as being bad an as a “P.C. culture” addition? What is wrong with you, dude. How do these things not show how insane he is

The cross-dressing is a stupid complaint. So you don’t get to go to a brothel and watch a small cutscene. Who cares? You get to see Cloud perform on stage at a cabaret and he is dressed up while on stage while you do a mini game. And that isn’t fun? Okay, Greg.

The events he’s talking about by the way? You fight in a Colosseum, you can choose to help Johnny, and/or you can do the iconic squatting game. Then you go to the Honeybee Inn, do a dancing minigame, and perform on stage. 

As opposed to the original where you talk to a man and tell him what dress you want. Do the most squats, Buy some wine at an inn, have a bath with a bunch of men, and give a woman some medicine. The amount of time you spend doing that will take you the same amount of time to do one side quest in the remake. Of course, the original had it’s restrictions because of the platform it’s on, but the remake definitely did go out of its way to expand that and make it feel like you were doing more.

This is a bit more valid. Like I get having nostalgia for the OG game and preferring it and that’s okay! But the Harry Potter comparison ruins it. Also Greg doesn’t seem to realise the difference between a remake and a remaster. The game is being remade. Of course the gameplay is going to change. Turn based games aren’t viable anymore and considering how good the graphics are, it would ruin the immersion. They had to change things like this to make it more modern. Remember, they aren’t just making this for fans. They’re wanting to bring in new people. 

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE REMAKE

SO PLEASE

IF YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED IT

READ THIS NEXT PART WITH ABSOLUTE CAUTION OKAY?

OKAY

SPOILER

WARNING

OVER

I really hope this is just a joke that Zack wasn’t mentioned before he appeared. But considering this is Greg, and how he really doesn’t seem to understand this game, I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t know the significance of this scene. He says later in this article that it took him 24-40 hours to finish the game. Which, if you actually complete it (by doing all side quests, unlocking all limit breaks for everyone, getting master materia etc) it should take you ninety hours. Which makes me think he never went to Nibleheim and saw the cutscene of what happened to Zack and Cloud. Because FF7 is a very quick game if you just focus on the main quests. If you actually dig down deep? You can go way past the timer and have it frozen at 99:99:99. I don’t think he did anything in the original game and just did whatever the game told him to do without looking at anything else.

I really hope this is just a stupid edgy joke because Zack is a well-loved character but you never fucking know with this moron.

I understand his complaints about Nanaki. Nanaki is always in my party in the original so I was bummed you couldn’t play him, but he appears in the penultimate chapter. The writers probably didn’t feel it was worth their while to add him as a party member, and instead, make him a guest who helps.

The Sephiroth complaint is stupid because he’s missed the point. Up until he appears in the Shinra building, he isn’t actually there. Cloud is hallucinating. He is shown as being mysterious and unreachable as Cloud tries to get to him or freaks out whenever he sees an image of him.

Honestly this just sounds like Greg is mad it’s not the exact same as the original.

Which would just be boring, in my opinion.

Y’know what I said about Greg doing what the game told him to do and nothing else? Yeah this is proof. You have an All materia. It’s called ‘magnify’. And unless you didn’t look for treasure or looked at the new materia when you collected it? You would know this is the all materia. The summons in this game aren’t what they are in the original. You can’t use them in every battle and they only come in boss battles or otherwise difficult encounters because in the remake, it’s made clear that they are incredibly powerful. They come to you maxed out. Which he would know if he paid attention.

I will agree with him to an extent about the maxed out materia. Materia is easy to obtain in the remake (Cloud says this to Aerith when she playfully brags about having it), so if Greg had critical thinking, it would be clear that they don’t sell well is because .... well, it’s easy to max out. Everyone is doing it. But I will agree with him that the game is ‘too short’ in a sense, since having Firaga in only Midgar can be problematic for later games. I do have to wonder what they’ll do in the next episodes. Will you have to level up the magic power after upgrading it so Firaga does the same damage in later dungeons as it did in the sewers of Midgar? It would also be neat to physically ride the chocobos through Midgar to make life easier but I also understand why they had the carriages  as it makes it less weird when Tifa suddenly appears in one when she’s going to Don Corneo’s only to never see a carriage in Midgar again, and the loading screen when they ake you from place to place does make it quicker for you to get places.

Still, it would be nice to ride them at some point so I will give Greg this complaint.

Like I said above, if you do everything in the original it should take you 90 hours. If it took Greg 2 days cumulatively at his highest estimate, he’s not completing the game, and he’s not achieving anything.

For comparison, here’s my latest game

As you can see, it’s at 44 hours. I have done all the sidequests (excluding the one mandatory Fort Condor which would add more time on to it but I didn’t want to do that this time around). I have reached the bottom of the crater, however, I have not done anything further and am now focusing on doing the rest I need to do. Like getting to level 99 on everyone, maxing out my command, summon, and magic materia to get the master materia for those three. Or maxing out all four enemy skill materia. Or getting everyone's limit breaks, or beating the weapons. Because these things take time. I could easily run and kill Sephiroth in that run right now. I could finish the game. But as I’m wanting to complete it as much as I can, then I can’t do that. And that’s not me doing a perfect game where you need to get 99 of each item you can (excluding things like the battery where you can only get three of). If you’re doing a perfect game, it takes even longer but honestly, that’s not something I’d say you’d need to do to ‘finish’ the game. That’s only if you want to challenge yourself.

Also might I add, the remake? It takes about 40 hours to finish it (I don’t know if that includes sidequests). This means in one part of a game  is the same length as the original if you don’t do any sidequests in the OG. I don’t know what Greg is talking about by ‘achieving less’. Yeah you don’t go to as many places, but considering this will be in different parts like the original, you do way more in the remake than you do in the original while in Midgar. 

The random encounters are definitely less in the remake. They don’t happen every a certain number of steps. Instead, you stumble across them in a realistic way rather than have a screen transition. It is way more immersive and again, is something that makes the game feel alive. It feels like an obstacle to overcome to get to the next place rather than an interruption like the original game random encounters (which I do love by the way, but it is very much a product of it’s time)

The next part also makes me laugh. He seems to think that because the other game has things finish ‘faster’ means it’s more productive. Which really shows he thinks his channel is great because he does more videos in a short period of time. Which, yeah, on a surface level it is more “productive”, but it’s not exactly exciting game play, is it? 

For comparison. Aerith says in the original that Sector Six is dangerous so she’ll help him out... but it takes about two minutes to go through and the random encounters are incredibly easy. It’s also not explained why the place is in ruins.

In the remake however, Aerith leads Cloud through it as Cloud is unfamiliar with it, and it is more of a challenge to get through, and he actually needs her help to get through the rubble. She explains part of the plate collapsed the tunnel and that’s why it’s such a mess. You get attacked by bandits on the way there and you spend an entire chapter trying to get through sector six, as it becomes the threat and the difficult path Aerith describes in the original. Rather than a place you just pass through with no issue, making you wonder “why the hell is Aerith insisting she goes with me?” outside of her having a crush. 

It’s small details like that which make the game come alive and actually makes you feel like you did something rather than it being a place you just passed through. It takes you longer, but it feels more like an achievement.

No one feels like they achieved something when you leave Sector Six and go to the park outside Sector Seven’s gates. Because it’s just a road to get to where you need to go. Your next challenge is trying to get Cloud chosen as the girl for Corneo but that is optional. I mean, if you prefer that it’s easier to get through as you like just seeing the story than solving dungeons, that’s fine! But this just shows Greg’s ‘quantity is quality” mindset. 

Also, when you climb up the plate to get to the Shinra building? IN the original, you climb up some pipes. The hardest part is the swinging pipe, which is incredibly easy when you time your jump to the squeaking of the pipe. They tell you it’ll be difficult to get to the Shinra building... when it takes you all of five minutes.

The remake has you climbing up the plate and broken buildings, using a grappling gun to get to higher ground when your walking path is done, while you get attacked by Shinra soliders trying to stop you from getting to higher ground when they recognise you as AVALANCHE. While it’s not hard it definitely feels more of a challenge than “climb up this pipe. jump onto that pipe, now climb up another pipe” in the original. And with the Shinra soliders while you can stop them easily, it does make you feel that getting there is going to be a struggle, or at least something that’s inconvenient and it’ll be ‘hard’ because people will try and stop you along the way.

Although I do wish that when you were in the Shinra building, you had to do more sneaking in the higher floors like you did in the original, but at least the game does give you a reason why you don’t need to sneak around. The mayor’s off hand comment about hating Shinra as he gives you a keycard in the original is expanded to the Mayor being a member of AVALANCHE who is actively helping you.

 I also think it's funny he complains about “mundane tasks” when the original game is full of that, too. All JRPGs have it

Basically, this entire review of Greg’s can be “WAHHH IT’S NOT THE ORIGINAL WHY IS IT MAKING ME WORK HARD!” and it’s hilarious

[vagrantblvrd]

jeremavinwood wtih battle buddies?

Hmmm.

Okay, so.

I’m going to do this with FAHC AU because look, okay, look.

That one FAHC AU where Michael’s just starting out with this whole life of crime business. Hired muscle for whoever wants to hire him and not much else. (No one wants anything else, and he’s fine with that.)

Somewhere along the way he meets Gavin, you know. Little bastard working for a crew that hires Michael on.

Some kind of hacker or tech guy and completely ignored by the other hired muscle and most of the regular crew because he’s this scrawny little British fuck.

Michael’s just there for whatever job he’s been hired for, so he doesn’t plan on getting to know Gavin or the others, which is his own mistake because Gavin?

God knows why Gavin is !!! about Michael almost from the start, zeroes in on him whenever he’s around and pestering the fuck out of him. Will make a beeline for him when Michael’s around and it turns into this odd little friendship after a while because once that job’s over they have these moments where they’re working for the same crew or just run into one another at random times.

And, okay. Gavin’s not the worst person to talk to with the odd way his brain works of his bizarre/ridiculous questions. The way he just plonks himself down next to Michael when he’s eating and starts rambling on about something or other for the longest time, but they’re not friends okay?

They’re not.

(...but maybe???)

Anyhow, Michael works crews and gangs whoever will hire him. Gavin’s this annoying thorn in his side and life is somehow not completely terrible.

Michael’s just starting to think he can have something good here if he’s lucky, careful, so of course that’s when things go wrong.

He’s working for some asshole and he’s got a bad feeling about it the whole damn time but it’s not like he’s got a lot of options open to him if he wants to pay his bills and the whatnot.

He’s definitely not surprised when shit goes wrong in the worst way and he has to make a run for it. Too much too fast and just enough time to warn Gavin to keep an eye out, maybe leave the city. (Just in case, because people know they know one another and it’d be a shitty thing for him not to warn Gavin.)

Michael ends up running all the way to Los Santos, loses whoever was chasing him in the city. (Loses part of himself too, but that’s not important because hey, he’s still alive, so yeah.)

And then, okay.

And then.

While he’s busy making a life for himself there he keeps running into this one asshole – wonders if it’s something wrong with him that this shit keeps happening, but whatever – who has the worst fashion sense Michael’s ever had the misfortune to witness with his own two eyes.

Moron who calls himself Rimmy Tim like that’s a real name and talks real big for someone so short. (Good thing he’s got the muscles to back that mouth of his up, though.)

This Rimmy Tim, guy, though.

He’s not like all the other goons and thugs in the city. Doesn’t really move like them although Michael can tell he’s trying to.

Yeah, no.

The guy’s got real training, right. Maybe former military or some law enforcement behind him, but whatever it was he’s not talking. Would rather wax poetic about some sweet new car he’s got Plans for one day, and all the way he’s going to ruin it with his hideous color scheme.

Drag Michael out to a bar and buy him drinks until they’re both too drunk not to get into a bar fight (or two, or more) and have to run from the cops that get called in to deal with the drunk assholes fighting over the stupidest shit ever.

Maybe, kind of falls into bed with him every so often, all these bad decisions and a life that probably won’t let them grow old and hey, why the fuck not you know?

Michael’s got his regrets and Jeremy’s (yeah, no, he’s shit at keeping the Rimmy Tim thing straight even when he hasn’t had a few) got his and anyway, anyway,  this thing between them isn’t serious. Just a friends with benefits thing, even if they really aren’t friends, you know?

Like, sure. Eventually they get a place together because they’re tired of living in shitty little apartments and if they put their money together they can afford someplace halfway decent because Los Santos can be stupid expensive.

It’s just a smart move on their part, really. Cuts down on expenses and other shit and if it means sometimes they just sprawl out on the couch watching some shitty movie together instead of hitting a bar and getting into fights all the damn time for no real reason, that’s a price they have to pay.

(And, like. If  “falling into bed together” sometimes means they don’t do the do and just sleep, that’s their own problem, isn’t it.)

But then because reasons shit happens.

They get hired by this asshole that neither of them can afford to say no to – offers they can’t refuse and by this point they’ve kind of gained a reputation for themselves. The kind that assholes can take advantage of because Michael and Jeremy are idiots and not as subtle as they think they are, and anyway, anyway.

This asshole has a problem and they’re just muscle hired on to help him with said problem.

This creepy, spooky bastard that’s just starting to make a reputation of his own here in Los Santos. Vicious bastard who wears s fucking skull mask (who does that?) and has taken to picking off their new bosses people/allies/etc.

Real vendetta kind of bullshit, and it’s gotten to be a Problem for the guy.

Enough that he’s hiring the best people he can get his hands on (threaten) and somehow Michael and Jeremy are grouped in there.

And then, okay.

Shit gets weird.

Because there are all these rumors and stories floating around this Vagabond character that just don’t add up? Things he’s done (said to have done) that one person, no matter how skilled, could have pulled off.

Michael and Jeremy are positive he has to have at least one partner working with him, if not more.

No other way to explain how he’s supposed to have dealt with a weapons deal up in Blaine County the same time he sniped a fucker in La Mesa. (Hell of a shot and while no one’s saying he’s not up to it, it’s   impossible for anyone to be in two places at once.)

More and more stories like that come rolling in as Michael and Jeremy work for this asshole, see the way the other hired muscle is getting picked off. The way their boss keeps losing allies and whatever else to the Vagabond. (And his partner, even if everyone else is so damn certain this guy’s a lone wolf or whatever.)

They’re pretty sure it’s a matter of time until they get picked off, because of course, and are making half-assed plans to run for it before that happens.

No loyalty to their current boss, and anyway, neither of them plan to die for someone like him – so of course, of course, that’s when they have their first run-in with this Vagabond asshole, you know?Checking on an operation their boss is getting antsy about and oh, hey, there’s that fucker with the skull mask.

Flesh and blood and not this bogeyman the stories insist he is because Michael clips him with a shot when the guy gets the drop on Jeremy.

Lucky shot, really, because the bastard’s too busy staring at Jeremy to notice Michael until the last moment and it’s a clusterfuck, really.

Jeremy with his own little flesh-wound from one of the Vagabond’s knives and Michael freaked out at the close call. (At Jeremy going all quiet and locked down from it, and Michael was too worried to push because he’s never seen Jeremy like that in all the time he’s known him.)

Their boss is not pleased when they tell him what happened, because by the time they got there everyone else was dead or managed to escape and it was just the Vagabond waiting for them, and the clusterfuck that followed.

They get yelled at, because of course, and go home to lick their wounds in private and wait for their boss to call them for the next job.

Michael’s worried because Jeremy’s acting weird okay, even for him. Doesn’t say a damn thing until Michael’s patching him up and then it’s.

Fuck, it’s Jeremy’s Tragic Backstory, isn’t it.

This whole mess of a story of a government agency Michael's never heard of and a partner (that whole bit about Jeremy and his regrets) Michael’s pretty sure Jeremy was involved with or wanted to be, and this suicide mission they were sent on to cover up their agency’s dirty little secrets.

One that got Jeremy’s partner killed and damn near killed Jeremy, had him faking his death and hiding out in Los Santos and eventually meeting up with Michael and the whole downhill ride from there. (Because really, okay, really.)

Jeremy just. Telling Michael everything about his past this this weirdo partner of his he definitely loved even if they never Talked About It and Michael having the worst feeling why -

“And, uh,” Jeremy says, worst kind of smile on his face as he stares down at the floor, drops of his own blood while Michael was patching him up, “I’m pretty sure he just tried to kill me.”

Awkward laugh as he looks up at Michael. “Us, I mean,” because the Vagabond took a swipe at Michael before he ran, tossed a throwing knife his way although thankfully it missed.

And Michael, okay.

Just.

“Great,” Michael says, because what else can he say? “That’s awesome.”

Anyway, anyway.

They try to carry on best they can after that, go through the motions when it comes to their boss although now they’re less worried about what he might do and more interested in why the Vagabond’s going after him so fucking hard.

Do a little digging – Jeremy knows a hacker in Matt, and Michael knows a guy who knows almost everything there is to know in the city in Alfredo – and then they make the worst goddamned choices ever.

Go looking for the Vagabond and whoever he’s working for and it ends up with them having these altercations where the bastard thinks they’re trying to kill him.

Clearly working for the bastard he’s going after for whatever reason, and the fact they’re looking for him means they want him dead and it’s just. Worst Scooby Doo shenanigans ever.

Results in more close calls and flesh-wounds and Jeremy getting all worked up because okay, yeah, that is definitely that asshole Ryan and goddammit, he just wants to talk, so fucking stop shooting at him!!! (Also, quiet mopey Jeremy with Michael off to the side wondering why the hell his life is the way it is.)

One night Jeremy takes off to find Ryan without telling Michael, so of course it goes horribly wrong, you know?

Michael and Jeremy’s boss being suspicious of the two of them not putting their hearts into working for him and putting a tail on them, and anyway.

Jeremy finds Ryan and actually gets to talk to him without the two of them shooting at one another or getting involved in another stupidly awesome knife fight. (Like, hardcore awesome because Ryan helped train Jeremy in knife fighting back in their agency days so it’s all that training Ryan gave him plus whatever Jeremy’s picked up on his own since and the two of them being almost evenly matched, but I digress.)

And, okay. Some of that did happen, but Jeremy managed to talk to Ryan, get him to listen and just when he was making some headway into getting Ryan to believe that Jeremy and Michael don’t want to kill him their boss and his flunkies show up and drag the two of them off to “have a discussion”.

Michael is like, goddammit, when he realizes Jeremy ran off because he knows where he has to have gone, even if he doesn’t know where. Is about to call Alfredo or even Matt for help when he gets a text.

Unknown number and suspicious as hell. Just an address and something about knowing where Jeremy and Ryan are, but he doesn’t have a lot of choices.

Goes to the address and it’s definitely a trap. Shitty apartment in a rundown building and the kind of place people disappear all the time, and that’s when he hears footsteps behind him and a gun being cocked and turns to see that little bastard Gavin, of all people.

Looks a hell of lot different from the last time they saw one another. Older, thinner (not in a good way) and exhausted as hell.

Holds the gun in his hands like he knows how to use it, and this edge to his smile Michael doesn’t remember seeing before.

It sucks, it does, because what's happened since they last saw one another can’t have been good to have Gavin looking at him the way he is. Like he’s not sure he can trust Michael, even though there was a time Michael knew he did. (The way he trusted Gavin.)

Still.

Jeremy and Ryan and all that.

(And that’s a hell of a shock, realizing Gavin was Ryan’s partner in all this...whatever the two of them have been doing. The sniper who killed that asshole in La Mesa while the Vagabond dealt with a weapons deal in Blaine County and so many other things. Shit Michael never thought about Gavin doing, even though some part of him knew with the shit Gavin used to say.)

This uneasy truce until they get Jeremy and Ryan back (and not wanting to think about what happens then, because talk about confusing and mess as hell) and just.

Work together to figure out what happened. Go to Alfredo and Matt and piece shit together and then cobble together some incredibly risky, half-assed plan to get their idiots back.

(Because Gavin talks about Ryan the way Michael does about Jeremy and oh, man, that’s another kick to the chest because way back when there was a part of Michael that wanted to have Plans involving Gavin, if they ever got lucky enough to be in a position they could have plans, you know? But anyway, focus on the now and Jeremy and Ryan and deal with everything else later.)

Shenanigans and terrible plans that almost get them killed, so it’s a relief when Jeremy and Ryan meet them halfway through them after escaping from whatever locked room they were being held in. More shenanigans in all of them escaping and leaving the building to burn to the ground behind them and then, like.

Talking.

But also patching one another up, and Ryan watching the way Michael’s careful with Jeremy and vice versa. Michael watching Gavin fussing over Ryan and seeing the look on Jeremy’s face and oh, Jesus Christ, this is definitely nothing Michael ever expected in his life because fucking Christ, what even is this?

Ryan and Gavin telling him and Jeremy how they happened to meet up in Los Santos a few years back. Gavin having wandered over after a series of events he glosses over in the most infuriating way (and Michael being weirdly, exasperatedly fond about it) and oh, hey, that’s a creepy bastard in a cheap mask,  is it?

Ryan thinking Jeremy was killed on the suicide mission their agency sent them on and faking his own death and just. A lot of shit involving conspiracy theories and the whatnot that resulted in the Vagabond coming about because mission of vengeance and the like.

Ryan coming to Los Santos because the last people behind the conspiracy were here, and meeting Gavin and the two of them teaming up because why not. (Mostly Gavin not leaving Ryan the fuck alone, and maybe needing something to focus on himself, and he liked Ryan, didn’t he.)

And then, just.

Shenanigans.

The two of them working together, no one knowing about Gavin because Ryan was the focus, wasn’t he? Wanted people paying attention to him – especially the ones he was hunting – and it was better (safer) for Gavin to stay in the shadows.

And then the whole clusterfuck with Michael and Jeremy and everything that happened afterward until this most recent bullshit and just.

Where to go now that Jeremy and Ryan know the other’s alive (And wow, that’s going to be a lot of Talking and Conversations in the future for them, assuming they survive to have them.)

Also Michael and Gavin and their whatever is going on there. (More of this Talking and Conversations, one assumes.)

Ryan trying to get Jeremy and Michael to leave town, leave everything to him and Gavin, as if that would actually happen and Michael watching Jeremy tear the Vagabond a new one. (Gavin trying and failing not to laugh, because Ryan really is an idiot.)

Michael shrugging when Ryan asks him what he thinks because fuck if he knows, you know? But it’s obvious to him Jeremy’s not going to let Ryan and Gavin tackle this mess on their own anymore, and he’s kind of invested in Jeremy not being dead, so.

Yeah.

The four of them working together to bring this asshole (and the others Ryan and Gavin have been targeting) down, and all these Feelings springing up as they do.

Those quiet nights spent staring at whatever plans they’re working on. Other sleepless nights where Michael finds Ryan brooding or Gavin working on something on his computer. Jeremy working the heavy bag – because of course there’s one set up wherever Ryan and Gavin are working out of – and Ryan wandering down to watch him.

Wistful glances and all that good stuff. Lingering touches and so on. Patching one another up after a fight or going after another target.

Michael picking up on Ryan’s restlessness and goading him into a fight – sorry, sparring match – even though he knows he’s outmatched.

(Jeremy got hurt earlier and Gavin took him to a discreet doctor they know and it’s the two of them in whatever base Ryan and Gavin are using and it’s a mercy, what Michael’s doing even though he knows he’s going to get his ass handed to him.

And, sure. It looks that way at first, but eventually Ryan gets his head out of his ass and realizes what Michael’s doing/did, and it goes from being this potentially dangerously idiotic thing Michael instigated to. Like. Something almost fun?

Ryan teaching him some hand-to-hand moves he learned in his agency days, and Michael managing to throw/pin him just as Jeremy and Gavin get back and it’s awkward as hell because wow, compromising position they’re in?

But it just gets a thoughtful look from Jeremy and Gavin – the two of them sharing a look before smirking and laughing at Michael and Ryan and just what the fuck is that about, huh? - and other such things.

Final battle/whatever with the baddies and close calls and all that and the four of them being all ??? about what to do now that things have been settled?Because look.

Feelings and emotionally constipated assholes, right?

Someone proposes that it wouldn’t hurt if they continued working together – the Vagabond’s reputation and ones Michael and Jeremy have earned for themselves. Gavin working from the shadows, watching their backs and looking out for them and they really do make a hell of a team.

Picking up jobs/heists that Alfredo and Matt toss their way, and the slow realization that oh shit, they’re hot they face on a near daily basis because Feelings and lack of jealousy and general appreciation for the other three being unfairly attractive assholes until they get their shit together.

Because reasons.

ALSO.

ALL the cats, because Gavin and Jeremy and the stray population in Los Santos. (Also a pupper or two,  because Michael and Ryan and the stray population in Los Santos.)

At some point Geoff and Jack happen along, and when the Fake AH Crew becomes a thing they need a hacker and some asshole who knows almost everything that happens in Los Santos and just.

It turns into a mess, is the thing, a horrible, horrible mess. (The worst.)

[jlhynde-insanitybrilliance]

Free! Headcannon: ‘Rin’s American Friend’ (a.k.a don’t give a paintball gun to an american.)

A/N: This is what it’s like to play paintball w/ a trigger-happy-gun-loving-American. Style 5 + Ai, Momo, & Sousuke.

(Note: I’m using Jane Doe instead of s/o b/c I feel like the use of s/o takes readers out of the story & also it’s what unidentified bodies are called in the morgue.)

Rin Matsuoka:

Rin is 1000% done w/ this sh*t. (=_=)

He knew this was a bad idea. He knew it! But that didn’t stop the others from plowing right on ahead.

The second one of the guys suggested paintball her eyes started to sparkle & a scary smile stretched across her face. It was the kind of smile Rin had only seen when she was about to deliver a well-deserved-can-of-whoop-a**. & he just knew this was a bad idea. 

But no one listened to him. Not a single one of his friends headed his suggestion “like hey maybe it’s not the best idea to give a paintball gun to a gun-loving American...” & now they were all reaping the consequences.

(more under the cut...)

Jane Doe was a monster on the course. It wouldn’t have been half as bad if Jane was just a trigger-happy-moron who had never fired a gun in her life & had terrible aim. But no. Rin knew that Jane used to shoot skeet w/ her dad on the weekends (probably still does.) & that meant that her aim was on point. 

That didn’t make her any less of a doofus, though. She was just a idiot w/ excellent aim. Throughout the game she kept laughing maniacally like one of those old James Bond Villains & shouting out lines from American action flicks. But she kept mixing them up so none of it made any sense.

“Say hello to...THE CHIMICHANGAS!!!” “YIPPIE KAY-YAY...YA FILTHY ANIMALS!!!” “Who ordered the whoop-ass fajitas?!” “Merry Christmas MOTHERF***!!!”

“IT’S NOT CHRISTMAS, JANE!”

~Oh, lord give him patience. How did he get such an idiot for a friend?~

 It was fortunate for him that he had wound up on the same team as Jane b/c he sure as hell didn’t want to trade places w/ Sousuke right now.

(Sousuke had been pinned down for the last 5 min while Jane fired like a ba-sh*t-llion of paint balls at the tree he was shielding himself w/.)

But just b/c Rin was on the same team didn’t mean he wasn’t the victim of friendly-fire. 

“F*ck. Jane, I’m on your team!” 

“Sorry, Rin!” 

He was basically trying to stay out of her way & not get hit w/ anymore stray paint balls. But that didn’t stop him from shouting out at her when she did or said something particularly moronic.

“Look north, Makoto!”

“You’re standing east, Dumba**!”

Haruka Nanase:

Worst.teammate.ever. He was like zero help in this situation. 

Like Rin, he had been lucky w/ the odd number of players & got stuck on the same team as Jane. But he hadn’t lifted a finger to help Rin take down the other teams.

You know how you have those people who just sit on the sidelines w/ a lawn chair & a bowl of popcorn & watch the world burn? Well that’s Haru in this mess. Except he’s not sitting on a lawn chair, he’s crouching behind a wooden wall, & he’s not eating popcorn, he’s munching on dried pineapple slices that Jane had given him.

He probably just didn’t want to get slaughtered when he stepped out from behind that wall. So he stays back & guards the fort.

~“What fort? That’s a wall, Haru! Get out here and help me!!!” Rin yells at him from the other side of the course.~

He spends the majority of the game watching Jane. Images of that kiss still running through his mind. He may have started to develop a little bit of a crush...

BUT SHE’S TOTALLY INSANE!!!!

Haru is a little scared of her to be honest. & w/ good reason as she just eliminated Rei while taking a flying leap off a 9 foot wall.

But then she stops & blows him a kiss... ~ <3

~“Gross! Jane, stop flirting with my friends!”~ 

(Rin is beyond disgusted by her PDA towards Haru.)

Sousuke Yamazaki:

~“Someone help me!!!! F*ck!!!”~

He’s in some serious trouble. Like he is 100 miles up sh*t creek without a canoe. Where the hell is Makoto?!

Sousuke was on the team w/ Iwatobi’s swim captain, but he couldn’t find the other boy after the first wave of paint balls. Which means he’s on his own trying to pull a John McClane & not get shot. But he’s battling against the freaking Terminator.

If he wasn’t so panicked right now, he’d probably be impressed by how accurate Jane’s aim was. B/c dang does that girl knows how to shoot! She’d be totally boss at the shooter games at the summer festivals.

But right now Sousuke’s huddled behind a tree after Jane got the upper hand in their standoff. Maybe he should just surrender...

~“I’ll take no survivors! Mhuhahahahaha!!!”~

Or not. (-_-)

 Rei Ryugazaki:

He was taken out within the first minute of the game. He had wanted to devise a plan that would take into account the physical terrain of the course along w/ the wind speed & wind’s direction...

But while he was calculating all the math. Jane had been able to sneak up on him. 

He still didn’t know where Ai-chan-san went though. Maybe if he had been there Rei would’ve been able to put the plan into motion, however the white-haired boy was strangely missing (hiding).

Later Rei was beyond grateful that he was the first to be eliminated b/c it was after that that Jane became this force to be reckoned w/. & like everyone else she scared him sh*tless. 

He spent the rest of the game sitting w/ Haru-sempai & eating dried pineapple.

Makoto Tachibana & Aiichirou Nitori:

(o-o) !

(O_O) !!

\(>u<)/ !!! “SAVE US FROM THE SCARY AMERICAN!!!!!”

These two guys were immediately regretting every life decision that led to this moment. Had they known this is what Rin was talking about when he said it was a bad idea, they would’ve never had agreed to play.

The second the paint balls started flying they both hit the the ground & army-crawled to where they thought would be safest. 

It just so happened that they both thought the safest place was behind a monstrous old tire. But the tire wasn’t big enough to hide them both.

“I was here first. You move.” 

They played a round of rock-paper-scissors to who decide who would get to keep the spot. ~they both played paper~

Then a paint ball came whizzing past & Makoto barely managed to tackle Nitori out of the way before hit him. It was then decided that safest option would be to get to where Rei and Haru were at. 

(That spot seemed to have become the designated safety zone.)

~“Look north, Makoto!”~

OH SH*T!!!

“Nitori-kun run, I’ll distract her while you make a break for it!”

“Sempai...”

“Go now! Hurry!”

~“I won’t forget your sacrifice, Sempai!!!” Nitori cried as he made a mad dash across the open field.~ 

Nitori ran like his life depended on it & ducked behind some barrels. Heavy footsteps started to approach from his right. This was it --he adjusted the gun in his hands & took a deep breath. 1. 2. 3...

“Wait, Nitori-kun...!” 

Makoto tried to stop him before the younger boy unleashed a wave of paint balls. But Nitori had already pressed his fingers down on the trigger & was firing paint balls every which way as he screamed at the top of his lungs.

(This was the end to Makoto & Rin. The latter of which got hit by one of the stray paint balls.)

Jane shot Nitori seconds later.

Nagisa Hazuki & Momotarou Mikoshiba:

These two idiots had started this mess.

It was their idea to go to a paintball arena. It was them who convinced the others not to listen to Rin. They were to blame.

Not that they honestly cared, though. These two were having the time of their lives as they reenacted the last stand of Alamo. If they were going to go down they were going to go down fighting.

Amazingly enough they weren’t picked off within the first 10 minutes like everyone else. But instead retreated to tower-like structure to wait while Jane picked off everyone else on the field. 

What ensues is pure chaos & hilarity for the others watching from the safety zone. Nagisa & Momo are just as trigger happy as Jane. But their aim wasn’t nearly as good.

So their brilliant idea? That’s to charge out at the same time & fire a cr*pload of paint balls in her general direction while yelling at the top of their lungs. 

Jane of course fires two shots & hits both of them, but not before Momo trips on his shoelace, thus knocking down Nagisa & Nagisa’s gun accidentally discharges & that last paint ball hits Jane square in the chest. 

The way things worked out all three were eliminated at the same time leaving only Haru the only one unscathed. 

~“But he didn’t even do anything!” Rin sulks.~

[queenklu]

So You Think You Can Dragon pt15: THE END

Part 1&2 | Part 14

I can’t believe we’ve made it. 

Int. Night Before the Battle:

Morrigan: What if I told you there’s a way to make sure the demon dies and it doesn’t kill you or Alistaire or Cannonfodder McDeadsoon (the third grey warden he doesn’t even go here)? 

Magnus: Heck yeah, sign me up! 

Morrigan: Fantastic, all you’ve gotta do is bang me.

Magnus: 

Morrigan: It’s genuinely no big deal, we’ll just conceive a child and then the demon when it’s looking for a host will jump into this infinitessimally small not even barely a cluster of cells 

Magnus: and then....you miscarry right and it’s dead that....way.......? 

Me: I can’t believe this game is sort of endorsing abortion but o--

Morrigan: Oh no the baby will be fine and grow up big and strong and definitely probably not evil? probably? 

Me: What in the FUCK is HAPPENING

Magnus: Okay but I feel like we’re glossing over the fact that I’m REAL GAY

Morrigan: does Zevran want you to DIE TOMORROW or bang one chick tonight? ;)

Magnus: I think we both know the answer to that but I still wish this game gave me the option to ASK

I let Morrigan know this is a garbage decision and I don’t want to do it, and she says the only other option is if she bangs ALISTAIRE. JFC. HEIR TO THE THRONE, DUMB AS A LABRADOR AND TWICE AS LOYAL, A L I S T A I R E

Magnus: Uhhh buddy? do you....wanttobangmorrigan?

Alistaire: da fuq

Magnus: you’rerightpretendineversaidanythingnevermindbye

Alistaire: Thank GOD you were joking HAHAHAHA

Me: oh my god what the FUCK do I do I AM NOT READY TO BE A FATHER

So. In the most cringe worthy bullshit thing I ever had to do in this whackado video game....for the good of THE WORLD.....I.........slept *gag* with Morrigan.

“that sure is the face of a guy who isn’t being coerced into sex” -- no one

I....just............Dragon Age why

Note: I did almost do all this bullshit for nothing bc some guy was all “Who do you want to bring with you on the last boss battle?” and i’m like “WYNNE” bc I figure we’ll need healing Real Bad and then Morrigan’s like “All that for nothing?? Well I’m gonna LEAVE THIS BATTLE RIGHT NOW” and i had to go back a save point -.-

Oh. You Know What Else I Found Out. In The Last Battle. 

I HAVE BEEN DELETING SKILLS TO FIT THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES THE WHOLE!!! TIME!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT!!!! WE HAD FINITE!!!! SLOTS!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“This is fine.” - Magnus

It only took me losing the first fight several times to realize there was a little box in the corner where I could call for help from the dwarves/men/elves who’d promised to help. Also with Morrigan’s lightning storm spell taking out all of the darkspawn grunts who walk into it and immediately die, so. Morrigan WAS good to have in the fight. 

AND ALSO the last battle had BASICALLY CANNONS and the dragon mostly held still and just got...shot. But not before chomping Grey Warden Cannonfodder McDeadsoon. 

I’m...honestly I’m just assuming the spirit thing worked and the demon jumped into Morrigan’s microscopic baby??? The graphics were real unclear. She also super bounced as soon as the fighting was done. 

And then...it was over. 

Alistaire offered me anything in his power, which was nice, but also not the bi-curious makeout session Magnus was hoping for. Wynne’s gonna stay behind and help him be king, which is GOOD, boy needs all the help he can get. Leliana’s off to fake!France, Sten is back to his homeland, asshole dwarf is going to drink himself to an early grave, and Zevran...

FLASHBACK TO THE BATTLE: 

Zevran: So...you’re not taking me with you? 

Magnus: I’ve got three slots, two of which have to be Morrigan and Alistaire, the other one has to be a tank, babe, and I think we can all agree that ain’t you

Zevran: True. Still, I would have fought with you...to the end. 

Magnus: Hey Zevran? I love you.

Zevran: [A DIRECT QUOTE] “Ah. Cruel to the end.” *moonwalks off to fight*

Me/Magnus: ....why 

END FLASHBACK / PRESENT DAY: 

Zevran: I’m probably going to get killed by Crows one day, even though we killed everyone who knew about me deserting, so I should probably move around a lot to keep that from happening

Magnus: ...kay

Zevran: But you’re going to stay here, right?

Magnus: Not without you.

Zevran: Then we stay. And we fight anyone who comes at us together, yes?

Magnus: *with heart-shaped tears dripping from his eyes* y-yeah *sniffle* 

What’s his name, Magnus’s brother who’s wife and kid got slain at the start of the game: Hey bro

Magnus: Who in the fuck are you

CREDITS ROLL:

AND LO, THE KINGDOM WAS MOSTLY OKAY. THE DWARVES WERE STILL MORONS WITH A BROKEN SYSTEM OF GOVERNMENT THAT CRUMPLED IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE NEW KING DIED. BUT THINGS GOT NICER FOR THE ELVES IN TOWN, AND ALSO KIND OF FOR THE WOOD ELVES BUT A LITTLE BIT LESS. ALISTAIRE WAS A GOOD KING, WHICH SURPRISED EVERYONE. MORRIGAN WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN (OR WAS SHE) AND SHE WAS MAYBE PREGNANT (WHO SPIED ON US). UHHHH NOBODY ELSE GOT MENTIONED. I BET THEY DIDN’T WANT TO TELL ME THAT ZEVRAN AND I DIDN’T WORK OUT IN THE LONG RUN. LOOK I KNOW HE’S WILD AND FREE AND ALSO NEEDS ALL THE THERAPY. OH AND I GUESS THE CIRCLE’S DOING OKAY. DAGMA THE DWARF GOT A SHOUTOUT BUT NOT STEN OR LELIANA. HISTORY FORGOT ABOUT THEM I GUESS. THAT’S BULLSHIT. ANYWAY. I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY, AND ALSO MY DASH FOR PUTTING UP WITH THESE RAMBLING RECAPS OF A DECADE-OLD VIDEO GAME. I’D LIKE TO PLAY THE NEXT ONE NOW THAT I’M AN ~EXPERT.~ AND I GUESS SINCE THE GAME DIDN’T GIVE ME MUCH OF AN ENDING I’LL GIVE MAGNUS ONE MYSELF: HE LIVED A GOOD LONG LIFE, LONGER THAN ANYONE EXPECTED, AND WHEN HE AND ZEVRAN LOVINGLY PARTED WAYS HE FOUND A GOOD OL’ BOY WITH WAY LESS BAGGAGE AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER, AND ONE TIME ALISTAIRE GOT DRUNK AND SMOOCHED HIM AND GOT ALL BLUSHY AFTERWARD BUT DECIDED THEY’D BE BETTER AS FRIENDS. 

THE

END

[inkstaineddove]

The von Katte Affair

Characters: Prussia

Summary: Gilbert stood besides Frederick, staring out into the courtyard of Kustrin. Neither of them wanted to be there. Neither of them wanted to see this. Neither of them should've seen this.

It was the first time either of them had wanted to die.

Potsdam, 1730 Two sets of black toed boots clipped through the halls of the plainly decorated palace. The shorter of the two men talked animatedly about the state of the military. The taller one nodded along, only half paying attention since he'd heard this speech yesterday. They were making their way towards the garden to watch one of the regiments run through its drills when a courtier stopped them. "Your majesty! Your majesty! I bring grave news from the border!" He skidded to a halt before the two men, almost crashing into the albino. Frederick William assessed the courtier with annoyance. "What is it? Out with it, I don't have all day."

"His royal highness, the crown prince, he's fled for England. He was seized on the border with France with another officer. I believe he goes by the name of von Katte." The king's jaw tightened. He turned around, facing away from everyone else. "What’s been done with them?" "They're being detained in Kustrin while awaiting your orders." He spun back around, hitting the courtier in the knees with his cane, forcing the young man to come crashing down onto the floor. "Are you a fucking idiot? What do you expect me to do? Two of my officers committing treason, one of them my own son? I want their heads and those of anyone else who acted alongside them!" He kicked the courtier until the man scrambled up. "Do you understand? I will not be made the laughing stock of Europe over this! My own fucking son...I want his head mounted on a pike and paraded through Berlin! Are my orders clear enough?" The courtier didn't answer. Instead, he ran back in the direction in which he came. Frederick William huffed. "I should've drowned that boy in the Rhine the day he was born. He's been nothing but a nuisance. Gilbert," He looked at the nation besides him. "Go to Kustrin. This was a slight against you as well. You're the only one I can rely on to make sure my will is carried out. Now get out of my sight." The king stalked off into the gardens, ready to yell at any soldier who was so much as a fraction of a step out of line. Gilbert sighed. The king had a point - the crown prince had been trouble for quite some time. He'd been moody and trying to eschew all his duties to play flute and read instead. Gilbert could understand that. He remembered when he was a young nation and enjoyed pissing off his father. Annoying Germania was his favorite past time if he wasn't pestering Hungary or Poland. This went beyond adolescent antagonism. The king was right, this was high treason and he'd make sure Frederick would understand that whether it was the last thing he did. --- "Don't play dumb with me, Fritz. You almost got into France. There were obviously more people who helped you out. I'm not an idiot." Gilbert made his way toward where Frederick was seated. He moved with the carelessness of a cat, acting uninterested in the whole interrogation. "I know I act like one, but I'm not. I'm more intelligent than you're giving me credit for. I know a lie when I hear one." "I was the only one who did anything. Katte followed only in an effort to stop me. He was trying to do the right thing and doesn't deserve the punishment you barbarians are giving him! I acted alone and got that far all on my own! See, Gilbert, I'm not nearly as incompetent as you and father would like to believe just because I don't get off from hunting dumb fucking animals and doing all that stupid military shit just to suck Austria's dick." Prussia turned around and pretended to be shocked. "Wow. Those are some very strong sentiments coming from his royal highness. Care to recant?" "Fuck you, you red-eyed freak." "That's what I thought. Alright, we'll go back to playing your game." Gilbert picked up the cane that was resting by the door. Without a word, he walked behind Frederick, making sure to be out of the other's vision. He waited till he saw the teen tense up. Then Gilbert started beating the crown prince in the back with it, releasing all the frustration he was feeling about the whole situation. "That's three for lying again, one for calling your countrymen barbarians, four for insulting the king, one for not referring to him correctly, and five because I'm sucking dick to not go into another thirty year war and sucking that dick got me this kingdom that you don't seem to care about. And here's two more because I can." When he was done, he went back around so Frederick could see him. He let the cane drop to the floor and watched the child who would be his next boss. The crown prince had bit his lip so hard that he'd cut through. Gilbert watched the blood drip down Frederick's chin and felt his hand twitch. At this point, he was no longer sure if it was to wipe it away or to slap him. When Frederick looked up, he had some tears in his eyes that, thankfully, hadn't fallen. Gilbert ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "Fritz, there's an easy way of doing this. Just tell the truth. The king's tearing up Berlin and Potsdam, wanting me to get a confession out of you - regardless of the truth - then send you to your death. All this shit, this is a waste of fucking time. Do you want to die?" The crown prince didn't answer. A pit grew in his stomach, but Prussia forced himself to ignore it. He knelt in front of the crown prince so that they were at eye-level with each other. "Just give me the names. No judge in their right mind will sentence anyone who helped you to death. And, when you inherit the throne, you can pardon them! Everything's erased and life can continue. But, for now, I need the names." Frederick sighed. Gilbert could see the fight leaving the prince's body. "Fine. We'll try this your way. There were Katte and Keith, but Keith should be far away by now so please leave him be. Lieutenant von Spaen may have caught onto something, but kept his cards close to his chest." Gilbert nodded. He'd get a better statement later. The important thing was that he'd broken Frederick. The king's ministers could fight for the details that Frederick William wouldn't need to consider in his decision. "Danke. You can head back to your cell now. The real ministers will deal with you after lunch." He sighed and smiled, feeling a weight off his chest. "You're not a bad kid, Fritz. You're really not. You're just like you're father sometimes, blind to any perspective but your own." Frederick strained to get up out the chair. He wouldn't say anything, but his back was screaming in pain from the fresh marks on it. He stumbled to the door, stopping when he heard the last bit of what Gilbert said. "And you're a fucking neanderthal. We're not friends, Gilbert. We're not going to be." "I've told you this before, I can't disobey your father. He's my boss. If I had it my way, you would've been raised differently. All of you would've been." "And I've told you this before, I wish you'd die. What's your kind good for anyway? We're royalty. We've got plenty of mindless buffoons to carry out our every whim. We don't need morons that only take up space and resources." Frederick stomped out and slammed the door as hard as his body would allow him. Gilbert stood in the room, staring after him. It took a few minutes, but he finally laughed. "Kid, you think I haven't thought about that before? As if I'd actually want to live this kind of life." --- Gilbert stood besides Frederick, staring out into the courtyard of Kustrin. Neither of them wanted to be there. Neither of them wanted to see this. When Gilbert had delivered the verdict, he'd hoped Frederick would've yelled at him. If the crown prince would've showed him how he felt, he would’ve been able to deal. He'd always known how to deal with his anger. Instead, Frederick had broken down. Gilbert was forced to comfort the man as best he could. He hadn't held the prince in years, he hadn't let Gilbert get close enough once he figured out he was on the king's side. That was an hour ago. When Katte was brought out, Gilbert looked away. He didn't want to watch his crown prince's lover die. He didn't need to see this, why had he been ordered to watch as well? Frederick William would get an official report of how the event unfolded from some low-level guard who'd blow his paycheck at a pub afterwards. The king didn't need Gilbert's first-hand account, both would detail the same thing. He'd been in many battles before, seen many deaths, but the idea of this one made Gilbert nauseous. He started to walk away when Frederick grabbed his arm and stopped him. "You've followed all his other orders and you'll follow this one. We're both to suffer." The crown prince didn't look at him. His voice dropped to a pained, pleading whisper. "Don't force me to go through this alone to only spare yourself." Prussia sighed and turned back to the window. He watched Katte sing hymns and pray as he made his way towards them. He watched the dignity with which the young man approached death. He watched - maybe with tears, maybe with none - Frederick and Katte call out to each other, saying everything that had been left unsaid. He watched Katte's head roll to the floor was ease and the crown prince fall into his arms, unconscious. Gilbert watched. --- For the first days after the execution, all was not the same. The guards pretended to go about business as usual. They ignored the moans and screams from Frederick's cell. They tuned him out, made jokes that it was a ghost in the prison instead of the heir to the throne hallucinating and seeing his dead lover in the room with him. The few times that someone entered the room to bring him food or drink, the prince would repeat that Katte was there. Katte was there and he wanted Frederick to flee with him. Every time he tried to leave, he wouldn't be allowed to get through the wall and Katte would return for him, promising to never leave. Why wouldn't they let Frederick leave? The guards and ministers made an executive decision to omit this to Frederick William. For his part, Gilbert stayed away from Kustrin. He spent every hour in different pubs and churches throughout the town - unsure of whether drink or devotion would bring him salvation after this new crime. He couldn't get the images out of his head. He couldn't stop seeing Katte's eyes and Frederick's limp body. He couldn't shake the feeling that he'd failed somewhere along the way. He'd done exactly as he was told, but he'd still forced the worse outcome to happen. It was the first time Gilbert had wanted to die. A message from the king was the only thing that forced him to return back to Kustrin weeks later. He forced himself to smile at everyone he saw. He resisted the urge to ask the other ministers how they slept at night knowing that they all  helped the king satisfy an unnecessary bloodlust. How they could look at themselves in the mirror and not see the blood that was all over them. Prussia stopped in front of the prince's door. He was afraid of what state he'd find him in. He'd heard whispers of what he was like from workers at the prison who came to the pubs at night. He didn't expect to see a Frederick who was relatively put together, with eyes that weren't bloodshot, and his nose buried in some snooty French literature. The prince nodded at him, indicating that Gilbert had his full attention. "The king's pardoned you. You're not facing any punishment. All you've got to do is swear an oath of loyalty to your father and play by his rules." He was troubled by the distressed look on the prince's face. "That means you live. Come on, Fritz, you get a second chance. You're free." This made Frederick laugh. He carefully put his book down and regarded the nation before him. "But at what cost?"

[katieskarlette]

Any advice to a relative newbie (I've been playing somewhat regularly for a year now, woo go me) to WoW who wants to do dungeons and raids, but has never gotten around to actually trying them? Thank you for your time, big fan of your blog.

Hey there, sorry for the late reply.  It’s been a busy week for me.

First, thanks for the nice words about my blog!  :)

As for advice, well, I can try!  When I first started playing WoW it was a different game than it is today:  no group finder, no LFR, no queuing to find a replacement in the middle of a run.  It was a lot harder to do group content.  Fortunately, the RL friend who invited me to try the game found a guild with nice people in it who invited me along to dungeons (and later to raids) and taught me the ropes.

Fortunately, nowadays it is easier to get into groups.  The quality of the experience once you get into them, however, can be a bit of a crapshoot.  

I guess the best advice I can give you is:

1.  Know your class.  Know how to interrupt enemy spells, and do it.  If you have a dispelling ability, use that, too.  Crowd control (polymorph, sap, etc) is super useful in theory, but hardly anyone bothers with it anymore.  It still wouldn’t hurt to know how, though.  If you have a stun or slow, be ready to use that on mobs that try to run away from the group.  Got a battle rez?  If the tank or healer goes down during a boss, use it.

Be aware of your surroundings so you don’t accidentally pull extra mobs.  If everyone is hugging the wall going around a corner, follow closely, because they’re probably doing it for a reason.

2.  Read about the instances you’re expecting to visit.  You don’t have to be an expert in ever single boss ability, but knowing the highlights will go a long way toward your own confidence level and help keep other players from thinking you’re a noob.  Is there a patch of crap on the floor that will kill you instantly?  Know about it and don’t stand in it.  Is there a patch of crap on the floor that you need to stand in for some reason?  Know about it and stand in it.  If there’s an add that comes in during a boss fight that must be killed ASAP, be ready to burn it down when it appears.  (This is DPS-centric advice because that’s what I play the vast majority of the time.)

3.  If at first you don’t succeed, come back another time and try again.  Maybe you’re having an off day.  Maybe you got grouped with a jerk.  Maybe the stars aren’t aligned right.  It happens.  Cool off, do something else, maybe read up on the dungeon a bit more, and come back with a different group.  The LFG/LFR system is unpredictable.  Sometimes you get an awesome group with friendly players, and sometimes you get people who suck either in their playing or their attitudes, or both.  Try again.

4.  If you’re in a new dungeon and you’re unsure about something, ask politely in chat.  Most groups will have at least one person who’s willing to type a quick “don’t stand in the purple bubbles” note or something.  And if not, at least you warned your group that you were new.  Nobody is born knowing everything about every dungeon.  

4b.  On a related note, if you see someone doing something disastrously wrong, it’s okay to type something like “careful, those purple bubbles really hurt if they hit you” or “watch out for those exploding mines.”  As long as it’s not “Hey, you moron, are you TRYING to suck as much as possible?  I think there was one mine back there you DIDN’T step in, you freaking idiot.  Are you playing with your toes on the keyboard, you absolute doorknob?  Go lick a barbed wire fence.”  ;)  And if you’re in a group with someone who is talking like that, tell them to lighten up and not be a dick.

5.  Watch trade chat and/or your realm forums to see if you can find a guild that specifically says it’s friendly to newer players and willing to help them learn.  Such guilds exist, and having a group of familiar people to play with can do wonders to reduce anxiety.

6.  Keep a sense of humor.  This is a game, and it’s supposed to be fun.  Don’t take it too seriously, or too personally.  If you fall off a ledge and die, laugh it off.  If you run into an asshole, just add them to your ignore list and pity them for whatever is wrong in their life that they feel the need to be a jerk in a video game.  If somebody forgets to dismiss their pet when they jump down a level (*cough cough Gnomeregan cough cough*) and accidentally pulls half the instance, enjoy the spectacle of an absurd about of mobs swarming you.  The penalties for death in WoW are pretty forgiving compared to some games.  You will die.  Mistakes will happen.  Glitches happen.  Cats sit on keyboards.  People sneeze and miss an interrupt.  It’s not the end of the world.

7.  Practice.  Like with anything else, you will be better at doing something for the 20th time than you were the first time.  I know personally, I can read all the strategies and watch all the boss videos I can find, but it just doesn’t “click” until I’ve actually done a few attempts myself.

8.  Download Deadly Boss Mods, including the extra packages for past expansions.  The timers and warnings can really help.  

9.  Always try to start a dungeon or raid with your armor fully repaired.  It’s embarrassing to have things break after a wipe or two.  If you go from 100% to broken during a run, something is really not going well.  (That isn’t that uncommon during progression raiding, but otherwise it’s probably a sign that your group isn’t up to whatever task they’re attempting.)

10.  Treat others the way you would want to be treated.  This is my #1 advice for life in general, and it applies here, too.  Be kind, be prepared, pay attention, help others, be patient, and do your best.

And, of course, have fun.  :)

[gotgifsandmusings]

GoT 7x03 Musings

My initial reaction to “The Queen’s Justice”

^I dub thee “Casterly Castle”

I guess the title refers to Cheryl finally delivering that poetic justice for Madison’s death via Poison Ivy lipstick (which I’ve been told was only a thing Ivy did in Batman and Robin; she’s usually just more a dramatic biochemist nerd with pheromones. I’m so sorry, Ivy.). I guess it could also be Deadpan not randomly giving Jon her help for nothing in exchange, because that’s actually a decent sense of justice. It was pretty obvious D&D were writing this one again, with the nonversations featuring strongly. Let’s dive in.

Dragonstone

A lot happened here, and yet nothing did at all.

Jon is a fucking idiot for arriving with just Davos, and it’s beyond clear that he should have listened to Sansa and everyone else cautioning him from going, because he was immediately in a position where he had no capacity to defend himself, and nothing to offer Deadpan at all.

Really glad Tyrion reminded us HOW NICE he is about not raping Sansa when they were married. More points for him being THE BEST. Sorry. If you know me, you know this one is a specific bugaboo.

Some say the dragon CGI didn’t look good, but frankly it didn’t bother me that much. I was much more distracted by Tyrion’s alcoholism jokes and Jon’s mouth breathing

The Mel & Davos scene felt like it worked last night, but after reading over Jess’s review today, I have no idea why I thought that. Mel was literally just saying she was peacing out, and then creepily said she and Varys would both die in Weisseroff, so I guess they will. It was…fine? But also “the plot needs me over here now!”

I felt like Deadpan and Jonny were asserting different things every few minutes. I’m also assuming we’re supposed to view Deadpan as the spoiled entitled shittier leader, while Jonny is a man of the people who drops his g’s at the ends of his sentences.

this would have been somewhat possible to be sold if Jonny hadn’t been given a kingship for being the world’s biggest fucking idiot

Also, Tyrion’s point about “you should just kneel if this war to the North is all that matters to you” is really, really salient. Like…what did Jonny expect in this? He *said* Deadpan needs him, but actually how? What she needs his 4 surviving Wildlings? The Manderly forces?

Oh wait, that’s right, the whole theme of this season has been “how can we illogically deplete Deadpan’s massive and unbeatable army?” She learns about Yara’s fleet and decides not to keep Jonny as a prisoner, but a guest, before storming off.

I’m probably remembering this out of order, but we get some kind of war council scene where she suggests riding her dragon to like…BURN Euron’s wormhole-navigating fleet?

But no. Apparently she could get shot with an arrow so it’s never going to happen. Let’s ignore her biggest military advantage.

We also get Jonny & Tyrion 2.0: who broods best? Aka D&D write shitty lines for cheap fandom jokes.

It is kind of amusing to watch Jonny have his own idiocy pointed out to him

Then Tyrion runs to Deadpan and tells her to play nice, because she’s been a very naughty little school girl lately. Also they need allies because things are going tits up with his masterplan of incompetence. I just can’t take the fucking infantilizing tone, though I did legit laugh when Deadpan called him on “a wise ma n once said.”

Uhhh finally Deadpan & Jonny’s 2.0 scene? She decides to let him mine dragon glass because Tyrion asked nicely. I can’t think anything positively about either of their leadership capabilities, nor do I think D&D have much interest in showing them. Can we just get on to boat sex already?

Cheryl’s Landing

The biggest issue I have is how the smallfolk of Cheryl’s Landing are even more mercurial than the Northern Lords. Now they’re CHEERING Euron despite knowing Cheryl burned everything down? Why don’t they give any shits?

I don’t know who Euron is playing this week. Moriarity? Julia says a bad magician. Are we supposed to find him intimidating?

Legit found Cheryl’s approach to governance compelling this week. She secured an ally with a promise of marriage *after* the war is won (why the fuck is Euron so interested in this?), and was a savvy negotiator with the “we love the slave trade” Iron Bank of Braavos.

I can’t begin to deal with the Faullaria death scene. Longest fucking thing in the world, and it was just D&D reveling in murdering characters we hated because they put no depth into them. Everything about it was horrible, absolutely everything.

even the stupid “poetic justice” of the kiss. Just stop.

Larry loves Cheryl! Cheryl’s maid loves Cheryl’s style! What in the fuck is happening??

Winterhell

BRITTANY’S BACK

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings:

"a female character is empowered without resorting to violence, sexual manipulation, or dismissal of typically feminine-coded traits or activities" happened tho, with Sansa's ruling scene. It was one of the scenes I really enjoyed this episode (until littlefinger started to talk)

Yeah man, for sure. It was actually nice to watch, even if the larger pattern of their conception of empowerment is totally fucked. I have a feeling this one won’t be staying around

Also my god, that Batfinger speech was one of his worst yet. It makes chaos is a ladder seem like the smartest thing ever uttered. “See all possible outcomes”? Um…you didn’t, you fucking moron. Remember when the Sansa Marriage Strike blew up in literally everyone’s face?

at least Brittany wasn’t into it

Aaaaand then Bran came with a brand new personality! He wasn’t able to emote or give any shits about his sister, and then forced her to relive her trauma by talking about it in really creepy, deadpan, voyeuristic tones. Yay!

this Bran came out of NOWHERE. He became the Three Eyed Sydow last year (or something), so…where was this creepiness then? He seemed to be able to engage with Meera and Benjen and stuff. Was the baby crossfade THAT momentous?

I’m glad Brittany ran away from him. I rather stanned her this episode

Oh btw Theon is alive.

Apparently the Ironboors who survived can intuit exactly what happened on his ship, rather than thinking he got thrown overboard or something.

Hogwarts

I almost forgot this was in the episode

Greyscale is cured! Forever! This plot really mattered so much!

no are we supposed to be affected that Jorah was contemplating suicide? Are we supposed to care that Sam figured this out from what Jess described as a “wiki-how”?

just someone kick Sam out already. This is going nowhere

THE BATTLES

I’ll direct you back to Jess’s review if you haven’t read it already. She does an AMAZING job at explaining how Tyrion’s voice-over removed all dramatic tension.

Fuck traveling logistics, amirite? Of course Larry can sprint around Weisseroff in two weeks. I feel like they threw that timeframe in there just to piss us off.

Again, the importance of Casterly Castle was never in evidence. Larry didn’t care about it enough to abandon it. Tyrion described it as “impenetrable” and even went on to say how once inside, the Unsullied would *still* be outnumbered.

it makes Tyrion seem like an idiot, especially with Larry knowing he’d take it, so was this supposed to be his hubris? But it was never framed as hubris. So…

Oh look, Euron’s fleet warped from somewhere in between Cheryl’s Landing and Porne to Casterly Castle. That works!

Then Larry just warps and takes Highgarden off-screen, because apparently D&D say that the Tyrells are shitty fighters. What. No seriously, what? Where did that even come from? And taking a castle is still kind of a big deal.

^this was a tad disappointing for Highgarden.

Frankly, where did the Tyrell army even go? Tarly’s an important bannerman, but not like ALL of it

The best part was that Diana Rigg seemed as happy to be done with this stupid show as I was for her, so there was a good amount of energy in her scene.

the whole “Cheryl is the worst” thing didn’t land as usual, especially when immediately followed by her confession about murdering Joffrey, but she was just so gosh darn plucky about it!

Aaaand that’s all I’ve got! Boy Deadpan sure is in a pickle that her amazing “divide and fail to conquer” plan was as bad as @turtle-paced described it last week. Add to that Larry’s sudden competence, and she just might yet need Jonny!

Top 3 nitpicks:

Casterly Castle being single-handedly built by Tywin and Tyrion having actually constructed the sewers himself. Not just running them…constructed them.

The Iron Bank investing in the slave trade

The smallfolk LOVE Euron and Cheryl now

Did this land for you? I was seeing tweets about how smart the writing was and just...WHAT. Though Brittany was boss ass, if I may say so myself.

[cant-icle]

aftermath: scrapped ryuji chapter

i really  really liked this when i wrote it, but then i realized that it’d work so much better at a later point in the story ;;

i refused to delete it though; i hella want to share it because i still like it

if you haven’t read aftermath yet and have an interest in it, read it here!

Ryuji’s the first to admit he’s not the most observant person in Tokyo, but even he can tell something’s off the second he steps into Leblanc.

He’s not the first one there, but Futaba barely counts; she lives just across the street and practically lives at the counter now, kicking her toes against the bar and  inhaling curry like it’s going out of style. Boss doesn’t count either, standing behind the counter brewing coffee. He shoots Ryuji a glance as the door opens. “Just you?”

Ryuji shrugs. “Ann stopped to buy crepes. Yusuke’s probably with her. Makoto and Haru’ll be here any minute; said we should stagger how quick we get here.” He hesitates, looking around the empty café. “Is, uh—“

“Upstairs. Probably best that it’s just you for now.” Boss sets a steaming mug in front of Futaba, who draws it inward with a frown. She won’t look up at Ryuji either, which sets off an uneasy tingle in the back of his mind.

The mood is somber where it should be triumphant. Hell, Akira should be down here already, draped over a booth with that dumb cocky smile of his.

After all, they won, didn’t they?

“Uh, alright,” he mumbles, slipping past Futaba with a gentle tug on her hair. She doesn’t even yelp, just reaches behind herself to slap at his hand.

The trip up the stairs is second nature by now; Ryuji’s up them in a heartbeat, ready to call out his usual “Yo!” when he realizes the room is dark and quiet, curtains drawn. Morgana is perched on the windowsill; the second Ryuji’s foot hits the attic floor he hisses “Keep it down, moron!”

“The hell are you callin’ a moron?” Ryuji snaps back, the hair on the back of his neck prickling uncomfortably. “Why’s it so dark? Feels like a morgue in here…”

“He’s sleeping!” Morgana’s bristling too, the fur at the nape of his neck rising as he jumps down, trotting across the floor only to stand up and sheath his claws in Ryuji’s pants. “Shut your big noisy mouth for once!”

It’s rude to kick cats, even annoying extra-dimensional not-cats, so Ryuji restrains himself to a muttered curse. “Why’s he sleepin’? It’s like, three in the afternoon?”

“Long night,” Akira croaks from the futon, making the both of them jump.

Morgana’s away in a flash, bounding away from Ryuji and onto the bed, winding around what Ryuji’d thought was just blankets. “You should be resting,” he scolds as Ryuji makes his way uneasily across the room. “What did Takemi-san say?”

“Why was your creepy doctor lady sayin’ anything?” Ryuji asks, feeling his brow furrow as Akira sits up really weirdly. It’s like someone’s yanking him up by a string—he holds his torso super stiff, every movement calculated and tense, and he’s wearing a hoodie in bed. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Everything’s fine,” Akira says, swinging his legs off the side of the futon with that same weird, stiff motion. He meets Ryuji’s eyes and grins, but something about that’s off too. Something tugs weirdly at the side of his mouth. “I was at the police station for a lot longer than I wanted to be; I didn’t get home until late.”

“Yeah, okay, but you’re also bullshitting me over something,” Ryuji says dubiously, bending down to look into his eyes more closely. There’s somethin’ weird about ‘em, watching the way they move around. “You think Akechi shooting your cognitive self screwed something up?”

Akira shakes his head, slow and deliberate. “Shouldn’t have. Everything went according to plan.”

He sounds winded, like he’s been running for half an hour, not lying in bed. When he reaches up to push his glasses up his nose, the cuff of his sleeve rides up his arm, exposing a neon-green bandage wrapping around his wrist.

Ryuji’s breath catches in his throat. When he flicks his eyes over to where Morgana sits, Morgana’s staring too, like some sorta mother hen.

He doesn’t know what to say, what to ask, what to do. None of their hurts linger long once they come out of the Metaverse, between the healing spells and the weird medicines Akira brings around for them, and even with that battle royale in the casino Akira hadn’t been nearly this beat up.

Whatever this is, whatever’s making him all stiff and breathless, that happened in the real world.

“Is anyone else here yet?” Akira asks casually, like nothing’s wrong. Ryuji swallows and shakes his head. “Good. I’m going to get dressed. You can wait for me downstairs, if you want.”

“You ain’t got nothing I haven’t seen before,” Ryuji says before he can think about it, crossing over to throw himself down onto the dusty old sofa. “Go ahead. I’ll tell you what went down after we separated.”

He thinks he sees a flicker of resignation in Akira’s eyes before he pretends to busy himself with his phone. “Go on, then.”

“Well…” Ryuji’s explanation is long and meandering, his eyes fixed firmly on his screen as he listens to Akira shuffle around behind him. Normally he moves like a cat, all easy grace and silent footsteps, but today he lumbers, drags his feet, his steps hitching and uneven. He makes a noise barely louder than a grunt at one point, just loud enough to make Ryuji glance over.

“Holy fucking shit,” he says, and drops his phone with a clatter.

“Not so loud,” Akira mutters with a long-suffering sigh, but the damage is done; Ryuji’s already across the room at his side, staring at the bruising on his thigh in horror. He’s seen shit like this before; a kid on the track team fell in the middle of a race and got trampled by half the guys during his second or third meet, and everyone got to gather around and stare at the bruising. It was gross-looking, like the bruises on an overripe banana, dark and rotten.

This is worse.

Akira’s not even putting any weight on it when he doesn’t have to, that’s why he’s been sounding so stumpy. He’s holding the pajama pants he was wearing in a white-knuckled grip. “Dude,” Ryuji says in horrified awe. “Akira. Sit down before you fall down.”

His mouth turns down at the corners, all stubborn and stupid. “I’m fi—“

“If you try and finish that sentence I’m gonna poke that bruise and then drag you back to bed,” Ryuji warns, plucking the pjs out of his hands and tossing them onto the sofa. It’s a little weird to be standing here with Akira just in his boxers, but that’s not really the biggest concern right now. “Are you—you said something about your doctor—dude, just, c’mere already, jeez—“

He ducks under Akira’s arm right before Akira wobbles, steadying him. “I said sit down! You shouldn’t even be standing on that.”

“So I’ve heard.” His voice is tense; Ryuji can clearly hear the pained breathing, up this close against him. “It’s not that bad.”

Ryuji rolls his eyes so hard he feels like they might fall out of his head, manhandling Akira back to the futon as gently as he can. “Last time I saw a bruise like this, the guy wasn’t out of bed for like a week and a half, and after that he was on crutches.”

He’s aware of the implications of a bruise like this. He doesn’t wanna think about it; it’s already making anger simmer slow and deadly in the pit of his stomach. The thought of Akira getting pummeled by those police bastards—

“Ryuji, stop squeezing,” Akira murmurs, his hand resting on Ryuji’s bicep. He loosens his grasp immediately, face flaming, but Akira doesn’t push him away. “It’s been looked at. Everything’s fine. I didn’t want you to see, that’s all.”

Ryuji doesn’t have words for that. He wants to yell, wants to curse and throw things and maybe kick someone, but none of that would help. None of that does anything for Akira, sitting here looking up at Ryuji with that stupid wry twist to his stupid self-sacrificing mouth. “Eff that,” he settles on saying, taking Akira’s hand in his and nudging up the sleeves to look at the bandages around his wrists. “If I saw something, you can bet everyone else’ll notice too.”

“Not if you help me get down there and settled before they get here.”

[tuxiedjabberwock]

“Inscribe” - a Fairy Tail one-shot

Gajevy Week

Inscribe

Jan 31st BONUS — “AU”

“Oi, Shrimp, where’s the smithy?”

Levy felt a vein throb in her forehead but kept her cool, keeping her hands on the sword she was currently inspecting, and taking a moment until she responded: “You mean the Scriber?”

“Yeah, that, whatever. The blacksmith told me that I had ta come here to get magic spells sown or whatever into my sword.” She finally had to look up at her assailant. He was tall — well, that didn’t put him in the right for calling her “Shrimp,” but she could see where he was coming from — with unruly black hair pinned back from his sharp face and clothed in an armored top with normal trousers and leather knee boots beneath. A large iron sword rested on his shoulder as he raised one pierced eyebrow at her. “Well? Am I in the right place?”

“This is the Scribe’s, yes,” she answered with a sigh, setting the sword down on a table with a few others as she jotted her observations down in her notebook. Old but lightly used; weak constitution; head hunting; VERDICT — ADM; PST; LLG; SLS. “And enchanting a sword’s more complicated than that.”

“Yeah, well, I need this done by tomorrow — can ya make it happen?” He shifted his shoulder and let the sword drop, point down, into the cement. It was half his height and broad in frame, sturdy, like him. “I gotta take it ta battle in the morn’.”

“Usually these scripts will take two or three days. You’re just giving me less than fourteen hours.” He shrugged a shoulder and she pouted.

“Should be leavin’ it to yer old man then, Shrimp,” he said passively. Her face reddened as she stomped up to him and jabbed a finger in his admittedly hard sternum.

“There’s no old man — I’m the Scripter here, so you give me respect, okay? And — and stop calling me shrimp!” she whined. A smirk that he couldn’t quite contain curved his mouth, then he chuckled.

“Got it, Scripter,” he said wryly. “So, ya think ya can do it?”

“Depends,” she said, relenting now that he’d eased up. “What kind of opponents are you going up against?”

With a completely straight face, he pointed at his sword and said, “Dragons.” She blinked twice and pushed her loose blue curls from her ears.

“I’m sorry?”

“Dragons,” he repeated in the same tone. “I’m a Dragon Slayer — and…let’s say Iron Dragon Slayer.” He rapped the heavy sword with his knuckles for emphasis. “So I’ll need somethin’ tough, preferably fireproof, and hard enough to withstand dragon talons.”

“You’re kidding!” she exclaimed. “You go out and fight dragons?” She had never seen one personally, but all her books described them as monstrous beasts able to breathe magic like air and impossible to beat.

“Not just me,” he snorted. “Me and this hotheaded moron, Dragneel.” Levy decided to ignore the weird name for the sake of their current topic.

“How does that work?”

“I’d love ta sit and tell ya, really, but I have places to be. So?” She remembered his sword and gave it a quick once-over.

“Well… I suppose,” she finally decided. He grinned and had the audacity to drop a hand on her hair and ruffle it.

“Thanks a lot, Shrimp. Yer really savin’ me here.” She blushed furiously at the contact and swatted his hand away.

“Stop it!” She pulled away and snatched the sword as she went, bending a little at the weight before heaving it onto her work table with a loud clang. “For the last time, I’m not a shrimp! My name is Levy!”

“Well then, Levy, thank you for your services,” he said with an exaggerated bow. “And that’s comin’ from Gajeel Redfox himself.” He drew a small leather pouch from inside his armor and set it on her table. “Eight hundred J is a good startin’ fee?”

“Just,” she replied. “If you’ll let me do my work properly, it should be ready by noon.”

“Noon?” he repeated with a scowl. “Told ya, Shr—Levy, that I need it done by dawn.”

“And I’m telling you it can’t be done!” she countered, glaring up at him. He made a show of arching his neck down to look her in the eyes, trying and failing not to smile. “It’s not like you’re on a timed schedule to fight dragons, are you?”

“Not exactly,” he said, “but they don’t jus’ go poppin’ up whenever they damn please. The next one’s passin’ over Magnolia jus’ after sunrise, and if we don’t catch it, it’ll wreck the city.”

“I think that if that was true, everyone would know.” He snorted.

“If everyone knew a giant fire-breathin’ beast was goin’ over the town, they’d panic and blow their tops.” That she could agree with, and consequently relented—but just a little. “So we’re plannin’ on catchin’ it in the forest before it even gets close. I’m the best Slayer around—damn what Dragneel says—but even I can’t take on one of those things without a weapon, and this Karma Sword’s taken me through hell an’ back.” He stared at the sword fondly and she had to smile a little at his expression.  “So?”

“Well… The answer is still no, I can’t Script your sword by dawn. However,” she interrupted as he opened his mouth, “if you helped, then chances are that we’d be done right on time.”

“Can I really?” he asked dubiously. “Ta be honest with ya, my magic’s not all that great.”

“You can do it, as long as you’re willing,” she reassured. He sighed and mulled it over for a moment, then she remembered his prior engagement. “Of course, if you’re busy, you should get your affairs in order first.”

“…Nah, it can wait,” he finally decided, crossing his arms over his chest. “Show me the ropes, Shrimp.”

She ignored the nickname for once and pointed at a metal basin towards the back of the shop. “Wash your hands there. I’ll be back.”

“Boss,” he acknowledged with a smirk. She went to a back room separated by a curtain. Inside was her gear: several worn tunics and knee-length trousers stained with soot from the occasional spell gone awry. It was the reason she’d rather take her time using Solid Script than just scratch them in and call it a day, especially when she was being given such a small window of time as from Gajeel. Then again, if what he was saying about the dragon was true, then she had to make those Scripts the best yet. She grabbed a pair of aprons and two pairs of thick leather gloves before heading back.

“Put these on,” she said, passing a pair over to him. He drew them over his large hands with a scowl.

“What’re these for?”

“The magic will heat the sword,” she explained. “You need these or else you’ll burn your hands.”

“Ah. I see.” He didn’t complain as much with the apron, but his lips twitched when he saw how small it was on his taller, broader figure. He had to remove his armor to even slightly tie the strings, and it hit the ground in a heavy heap. Beneath it, he wore a light, sleeveless tunic with metal rings circling his upper biceps. She noticed how built he was, which made sense considering that he was a swordfighter., and although she’d seen many men like him physically, something about him was more…alluring, maybe? She flushed and turned away before he could notice, grabbing her notebook and pen.

“Okay, let’s get started.” She ran her hand along the surface of the sword, which was marred with several nicks and burn marks, and took that down in her book. Then she hefted it up from below, mentally calculating the weight, then used a tape measure to get the dimensions. “What are the exact materials?”

“Iron,” he said. “It’s all iron.”

“Got it.” She punctuated the end of her sentence with a loud tap for the period. She felt his hand on his shoulder as he leaned forward.

“It all looks like gibberish ta me.” She blushed heavily and shoved him away.

“Don’t look! It’s not just sword information that I keep in this book.”

“So it’s like yer diary or whatever? That’s real cute, Shrimp,” he grinned. She knew he was just teasing, but nonetheless the “cute” comment made her heart skip a little. “This where the fun starts?”

“First, we have to temper the metal. Iron is strong on its own, but it still has a possibility of shattering,” she explained. “Start up the furnace?” He went over to the brick fire pit in the corner of the room and tossed an extra log in, jabbing at it with the steel poker. The flames roared to life beneath the scorched-black cauldron of molten metal. She lifted his sword, shifting it in her grip a little until the pommel was just above her head, and sunk it into the cauldron with a slow hiss. “And we wait.”

“How long?” he asked, bored.

“Fifteen minutes.” Silence fell over them for a moment as they sat back on nearby stools.

“So this isn’t yer Pop’s place,” Gajeel started. “Then you run the whole op?” She nodded. “What brought it on, if I can ask?”

“I’ve always been adept at Solid Script, and there aren’t many Scripters in Magnolia, so I just…got into it. And you? What made you hunt dragons?”

“There are a lot of bad ones out there,” he said plainly. “And they don’t all come for tea and cookies, ya know what I mean. Someone’s gotta be out there saving lives.”

“And it has to be you?” She was briefly reminded of knights she would always see marching from Crocus, but Gajeel appeared very, very far from one, with his haggard appearance and thinning clothes. “And your friends, I guess?” He gave her a sharp-toothed grin.

“Who else? Gihi.” He had a…weird laugh.

“I’m also guessing you’re not too well known?”

“The best heroes don’t need their names up in lights. We’re doin’ it for the people ‘cause we wanna, not ‘cause we wanna be out there.”

“That’s very noble of you.” Well, he was like her knights after all.

“Someone’s gotta go out there and keep Shrimp like you doin’ what they love,” he said, glancing at her. “Nice, honest business ya have. Don’t see too much of those — even the blacksmith tried ta rip me off. Tried,” he repeated with a feral smile. “But you? Yer a good person. I like ya.”

“Thanks,” she said with a (thankfully) unflushed smile, nudging his strong arm. “You’re a good person too. And it’s time to continue.” She put on the gloves before drawing the sword, dripping with molten metal, from the cauldron, then moved it to the large basin of water. Steam plumed from the point of contact and bubbles flurried to the surface. Counting to fifteen, she pulled it free and let it run dry before returning it to the table. “Now is the fun part,” she repeated his words from earlier with her own smirk. He smirked as she continued, “Hold the grip and channel your magic into it.”

“Got’cha.” He took the grip in hand and she watched a faint white glow encase his scarred arms and transfer into the sword.

“This will help the Scripts bind stronger,” she explained. Then she rested a palm at the spot just above the hilt, where an odd engraving was. “What does this mean?”

“It’s a fairy — there’s no real meanin’ to it,” he muttered, focused on the task at hand. “For my Guild, Fairy Tail.” She knew of Guilds, but not of any in Magnolia, but it made sense when she considered that Gajeel was a traveler. She realized he would be leaving soon and frowned at her fingers, calloused from using Solid Script. “Somethin’ wrong?” he asked, startling her.

“Uh, no,” she responded quickly, flushing slightly as she retrieved her Gale Force glasses from under the table. With them, she could better see the first set of script as she slowly etched it into the sword’s warm surface, feeling the metal heat incrementally the more she wrote. “STR” — strength. “DBL” — durability. “FRD.”

“What’re those?”

“Scripts. Strength, durability, friendship — that’s as far as I’ve gotten. Now we wait a little for them to settle into the sword.” She took a step back as the scripts glowed with golden light before seeping into the blade as stones into water.

“Friendship?”

“For you and your Guildmates. So you can slay dragons even better,” she smirked. He smirked back, resting his chin in his palm.

“Don’t think that’s really possible, Shrimp, but good on ya for givin’ it a shot.”

“Can I hear more about these friends of yours?”

“Well there’s Dragneel, a moron with ashes for brains and a bad habit of runnin’ into situations with no thought; Wendy, she’s little but pretty strong; Sting and Rogue, best friends, got the teamwork of a well-oiled machine; Cobra, who listens in on about every private conversation with no care; and uh Laxus. He’s cool,” he said passively.

“Sounds like an interesting group,” Levy commented. He shrugged, but she could see the fondness on his face even as he tried to mask it with a scowl. “You’re pretty soft,” she giggled. He groused and muttered something that she didn’t catch as she went back to the sword. “Three more, and that’s the limit — it’s an old sword.” She continued: “FRP” — fireproof. “SHP” — shatterproof. The last one, she had “bonding” in mind, to make it that as long as Gajeel’s will stood, so would the sword. But as she pressed her hand to the scorching metal, her magic seemed to have a mind of its own, and she gasped softly as the runic form of her name poured from her fingertips and onto his Karma Sword.

“There a problem?” he asked as she leapt back, hands clasped at her chest. She could feel her heart pounding and feel the blush that was so obviously burning on her face, and tried to shake it off to no avail.

“N-No!” she said quickly, passing a hand over the blade. The remaining magic dispelled, leaving his sword with the fresh runic Solid Script burned into the flat. She took it up and rushed it to the basin without looking at him and dunked it in, letting the water cool the building heat before drawing it out and setting it down on the table. “We have t-to wait for the magic to fully settle, otherwise it can explode out.”

“This whole thing’s a damn waiting game, huh?” he muttered, still eyeing her carefully. She swallowed under his scrutiny and watched him pass a hand over the sword, his eyes widening fractionally. “That’s some pretty strong magic, Levy.”

“It gets stronger when…” When the Caster puts their emotions into it, she finished in her head, burying her face in her hands. “If you can keep pouring your magic into it, then the scripts will absorb faster.”

“Alright.” He sat and continued, his hands glowing softly as he rapped his knuckles against the sword. And for the rest of the night, and until sunrise, they were there, and they talked.

Time seemed to creep up on them, so much that it was a surprise when day broke. Levy blinked tiredly as she rose from her arm — when had she fallen asleep? — and found Gajeel swinging his sword experimentally, a great grin on his face. “Hey, great job! It feels pretty damn good!” he praised.

“Dragon ready?” she asked with a yawn, dusting herself off as she stood. He grinned even wider as he rested it on his shoulder.

“Better than dragon ready. Really, I owe ya, but… Those Jewels were my last,” he admitted.

“Then pay me another way.”

“Anythin’.” She didn’t know why the request had come to mind, but it did, and it brought a blush to her face as she voiced her thought aloud:

“The next time you need a Solid Script Mage’s work, come to Magnolia, no matter how far you are, and see me again!” Because I want to see you again. She screwed her eyes shut at that — why oh why had she actually said it? Then a hand plopped down on her hair, ruffling it from its already-mussed state.

“Got it, Shrimp,” he said with a genuine smile. “That’s a promise.” And Gajeel walked through the door, giving her one last over the shoulder look and a little laugh before going off to slay a dragon.

[mechagalaxy]

John T. Mainer: Bubba took a Nap

Bubba took a Nap

My name is Beauregard Hamish D’Orville, but you can call me Bubba. I been piloting since the Death Jokers jail broke me on Epsilon Eridani (small matter of a paternity suit, shotgun wedding with actual shotguns). Now I fight for the Big Gun Mafia, and we live up to the name.

It’s a good life running a Reaper in the front rank of the BGM. I act as one of the commander’s bodyguards. He does the big thinking, the big speeches, and the big bailouts when we done bit off a bit more than we can chew. I keep him alive while Fat Tony figures out how the Mafia is going to win. All he asks from me is that I take care of the gate commands, as he had a little mishap that one time after our celebration after Faction War (don’t drink with the RND Faction unless you have a prosthetic liver) and he ended up in an alternate universe. Had to work his way up from a Warhorse, and ended up bringing back a Guardian as a souvenir.

He asks that I do the gates for him, and that I don’t nap during briefings. I mean it doesn’t seem like a lot, but Fat Tony likes to make sure everyone knows everything about the enemy, all our contingency plans, and all that stuff, and honestly all I need to know is “can I shoot them now boss?”. So I may rest my eyes now and again. What is the harm?

We had come off a nasty ass clan war. The BGM had won a few more wars than we ought to have, so we ended up pushed up a division and found us punching above our weight class. We fought the Bad Ass Lycan Reavers, Herrods Hardass Cannibals, and Willies Big Bong Cavaliers. The Cavaliers smoked us like so much weed, but we stomped everyone else.

We was in a briefing, Fat Tony was covering the interactive displays with data, scouting reports, after action reports, intel from the last war. I don’t know why. I mean, we did the war, what follows is the raid. I get there is always stuff to learn after every war, but I’m drag ass tired man. I figured I would nap now, and get the low down during the raid of anything I missed.

I had my implant programmed to operate my eyes while I napped, programmed with alert and focused look, occasional blinking, and a side routine that automatically picks up the gate addresses that Fat Tony needed me to remember. Everything was under control. Or not.

“Mafia rolling heavy, LETS GET IT ON!” Fat Tony’s call to arms woke me up and I jumped up fist pumping the air with everyone else and joined the rush to the big steel. No specialist crap now, just big mecha, big guns and shoot ‘til you loot raiding!

I had the gate codes stuck in my implant, and I hit them without really paying attention. We came out at the space port.

What the bullet loving bang? We mount ships to go to war, not to raid. What’s going on?

I locked down Capo, my Reaper, and climbed down slowly, really confused now.

Two of the other front line pilots, “Sweet Betty” Stevens, and “Leg Breaker” Chou were discussing the drop.

“Looks like we get the Herrods Hardass Cannibals on a converging course for the beacon. I guess we are going to be duking it out with them right out of the gate. Those bastards creep me out, but I think we can take them” Bad Betty was talking like this was the beginning of Clan War, but we just did this, and damn, Herrods were the second battle not the first. What the bullet loving bang was going on?

Leg Breaker Chou was slapping Sweet Betty on the back and reassuring her.

“At least we wont be throwing down with Willies Big Bong Cavaliers, they are up a division from us. Let them go back to pounding on Snoop Dogs Weed Wackers and leave normal folks alone” Leg Breaker laughed.

I broke out into a cold sweat. We did this. WE JUST DID THIS. But Willies Big Bong Cavaliers were in our division. I knew I shouldn’t have napped. I knew I should have woken all the way up before I entered the gate coordinates. I done boogered it. I think I hit one of them Multiverse, Metaverse, or in my case probably the Meatheadverse.

Oh Bubba, you done screwed it bad. Alternate universe. I didn’t listen to the stories, what else has changed? What if the Cannibals here didn’t reform? I mean back in the day, those boys did eat people. What if they never got fixed up from that little problem of Vupa 6 garrison duty. We are fighting them next. I kind of need to know, but can’t let on I aint from around here.

We arrested the alternate universe Xeon and Unification used to infiltrate us. I don’t want to get busted when I aint done nothing wrong. Well, except napping in the briefings, but that aint worth hard time!

Oh man, what if this is Xeon or Unifcation space? I aint one of the Xeon commie partisans, and I sure as shoot aint doing that spit and polish regular army government pay rate Unification crap. What kind of universe was this?

I played it cool, I asked some leading questions about Herrods Hardass Cannibals, like did they really eat people? I tried to casually slip into conversation the question of looting, to see if this universe allowed it. I thought I was being cool, but everyone began eye-balling me like they figured out I was from another universe.

I broke into a cold sweat, I started babbling, trying to be cool. Sweet Betty smiled reassuringly, but I saw her palm her Regrettable Incident nerve disruptor in her left hand, and Leg Breaker stretched casually to cover his Han Solo quiet under table unholstering his Sunbeam laspistol.

Sweet Betty was sounding reasonable, which meant I was dead. Sweet Betty sounds like the friendliest kindergarten teacher in the world right before she double taps a guy and collects the bounty.

“Say Bubba, you look tired, why don’t we take you back to the troop compartment for a bit of a nap”

Betty was moving right, as Leg Breaker was on my left, and they were flanking me so if I tried to draw on one, the other would burn me down. I felt sweat eat at the smartlink connection between me and my slug thrower, but I didn’t want to draw on them, even if they weren’t my Sweet Betty and Leg Breaker, we was still Mafia.

That is when Fat Tony came in. His coverall was unzipped and his gold chain was gleaming as he stalked into the room, chewing on his unlit cigar.

“Stand down you morons!”

Fat Tony aint much to look at, about five five, and about forty kilos overweight, but when he says frog, we jump. He is the second deadliest pilot we have, and the single deadliest commander I have ever even heard of. We stood down.

He moved right into my face. He took his cigar out of his mouth and poked me with it in the forehead. At least this time it was unlit. I have a scar left there from the time I showed up to a Red Ant fight in a Dreadnought because I slept through a briefing and cost us a win.

“Bubba, you do understand that this isn’t the Clan Raid right? You did pay attention in the briefing about how we are having a SECOND clan war instead of a raid this time right?”

Now his balding head was right underneath my chin as he was glaring right up into my baby blues with his brown rage filled eyes.

“Bubba, tell me you aren’t about to draw your damned side arm on your line mates because you slept through the briefing and are having some sort of idiot attack?”

I am cursed by nature with a blush that you can read by. I lit up like a Christmas Tree firing Hell Bats.

I took my hand off my gun, and spread them to each side as I shrugged and came clean.

“Sorry boss, I nodded off in the briefing. So, any specialists I need to know about?” I tried grinning.

Next thing I knew I was on the ground, with a strong ringing in my ears, and the distinct impression Fat Tony wasn’t happy with me. He didn’t shoot me, so I guess he’s only a little upset. Sweet Betty and Leg Breaker picked me up, giggling.

“Damn Bubba, you got to quit napping in briefings. It’s going to get you killed” Sweet Betty said.

Well, here we were, going to war again. Same universe, different war. Big Gun Mafia is coming for you, and shooting is what we do best.

John T Mainer 28840