#when I haven’t already written a 1000 word essay

[theborzoiarebackintown]

Let me tell you guys the story of Vex.

I have adored her father from the moment I met him when he was 10 months old and he came and stuck his entire head into my purse looking for treats at my first borzoi national. I adored him even more when I saw him again a year later and he was developing into an exceptional male. He was my first choice as a stud for Margo, but I will not be breeding her, so that’s moot. Even after making the decision to pull Margo from the breeding gene pool, I remained obsessed with Varus. I’ve had the opportunity to really get to know him over the years and he is a wonderful dog on so many levels.

I first saw her mother in 2021 when she was being campaigned (and finished the year as #5 AKC borzoi), but didn’t meet her and fall in love with her for another year. She is a typical borzoi bitch, one who doesn’t give you the time of day until she decides you’re worth her time. Thankfully she very quickly warmed up to me, and she’s my precious Leisel weisel and we love each other and it’s gross. She’s one of the sweetest borzoi I’ve ever met. It helps that she’s also gorgeous and almost perfect structurally.

When I decided I wouldn’t be breeding Margo, the search was on for another hopeful foundation bitch. My best friend and breeding partner was planning this breeding for awhile, and I knew it would be exactly what I was looking for in regard to pedigree, structure, and temperament.

I was given the immense privilege of helping with the whelping, and it was a magical (albeit stressful and sometimes scary) experience. All puppies were born at over a lb, which is very large! Most borzoi are born in the range of 11-16oz, Vex was the smallest at 16.2 and Riddick the largest at 21.

With 8 puppies you have to be very vigilant everyone is getting enough colostrum and then milk to keep healthy and gaining. The first week is pretty scary, everyone can be born healthy but then take a bad turn in the blink of an eye.

Even though Vex was a relatively large puppy, since she was the smallest we were keeping an extra close eye on her. And you guys. This puppy. She was so quietly tenacious about eating. She didn’t yell or fight about it, just determinedly pushed her way to a nipple and DID NOT let it go. She quickly got to the middle of the pack weight wise, but it was too late for me. I was absolutely smitten.

With my priorities though, I knew I couldn’t let an emotional tie or “gut feeling” influence my decision. I wanted the best bitch I could get as the potential beginning of my breeding program. I had I long list of wants and needs and wasn’t going to settle for anything mediocre, no matter how much I loved a puppy on an emotional level. I didn’t tell my friend about loving vex, as I didn’t want to influence her thinking or decision making as she’s growing these puppies and evaluating their potential.

We get to about six weeks and really start discussing picks. My gut feeling about Vex had not diminished, I knew she was going to be special. I didn’t know if she was going to be special for me or someone else, but she was going to be special. My friend reveals to me she’s between maroon collar girl (vex) and pink collar girl (Violette) for me, but hasn’t decided.

After some very lengthy discussions on their differences structurally, and how each one was meeting my list of priorities, I decide to tell my friend I want Vex. She was only not ticking one box for me, but was ticking the huge additional box of gut feeling and emotional tie. The decision was also much easier knowing I would be co-owning my friend’s keeper(s) as well.

That one box she wasn’t ticking is developing a lot better than either of us expected, and I’m so beyond happy with our decision. She’s an actual clone of her mother with a a couple traits from her father. She’s elegant and curvy and unbelievably gorgeous. I won’t get into the structure discussion here but I’ll just say she’s really lovely overall. No dog is perfect and there will always be something to improve of course, but she’s not far from my absolute ideal borzoi. (With the caveat she’s a baby and nothing is set in stone until 3-4 with bitches)

This puppy has had my heart from the day she was born, and I just know the journey we’re about to go on is going to be amazing!!!

[cashewally-sarcastic]

It is hku’s 6th month anniversary, and it’s been a growing theme (tradition?) that I tend to write essays for said occasion, most of them being jokes. But instead, today I present a different kind of essay, one that isn’t written as a joke for once. This is an essay focusing on the grey morality of hku, and focuses on Siv as the example of said grey morality. Because of this, I do have to warn that there are major story spoilers ahead, so if you haven’t read hku or aren’t caught up to current events, I would recommend not reading this! This essay isn’t going anywhere, and spoiling yourself isn’t a very fun experience!

With that disclaimer out of the way, the essay (as per usual) is under the cut! Enjoy!

~~~

The Grey Morality of HKU

We live in a world that is not purely black and white, but instead many different shades of grey. Writing greyness into stories is difficult, especially when trying to create morally ambiguous characters, which is why most character conflicts in fiction is black and white. Moral greyness in characters is a very thin tightrope to balance on, since such characters fall in between heroes and villains, and bring layers of depth and complexity into the world. Most humans are not purely good or evil, and morally grey characters showcase this well. These characters can be incredibly complicated, and thus, it's difficult for authors to commit and stay on their tightrope. Sometimes they lean too far to one side and their intended moral greyness gets destroyed. But in Hyrule Kingdom Updates, or HKU, Quill not only walks this tightrope with ease, but does backflips on it and performs a whole circus act with their characters mimicking the same routine. One of these talented tightrope-walkers that performs in such a circus act is Asivus Hartell, better known as Siv. 

Siv is one of the main examples of the grey morality of HKU. He’s the sarcastic, pessimistic orator that serves as the role of the narrator for the story.  Introduced as a psychological egoist, or someone who believes that everyone’s actions are derived out of personal interest, his personality, attitude, and actions all reek of the scent of “villain”. He’s cynical, hates almost everyone in the castle, and is also a criminal. Over time, his egoist beliefs are slowly challenged, and when his ties to the people who challenge his egoist morals are cut, his egoism goes even further downhill, leading him to become a utilitarian existentialist.

Utilitarian existentialism is hard to properly define, as there is no clear-cut definition. It is the combination of two different philosophies, utilitarianism and existentialism. Utilitarianism is the belief that actions are right if they are useful or for the benefit of a majority; if it provides the greatest amount of good for the greatest number of people, it’s the right thing to do. Existentialism is the belief that there are no set morals for life and no specific meaning to life— people are free to create their own meaning and define their own existence. Utilitarian existentialism is the combination of these two beliefs, and Siv falling into this moral belief can lead to its own opportunities, both for the plot and for himself.

Siv, by the dictionary definition, is a villain. One of the core beliefs he holds, mostly thanks to his egoism, is that everyone is a terrible, selfish person except for him and Ganon. This is not only harmful to the rest of the population because of the possibility of the Calamity being revived, but it’s harmful to Siv as well. Thinking everyone is bad except for the entity that’s weaponizing your malice, or manipulating your trauma, is not the most healthy thing. In addition, as the readers, we can see things from multiple perspectives, and therefore know that not everyone is a terrible or selfish person. By seeing these multiple perspectives and knowing these things, we root against Siv and his goal of resurrecting the Calamity, for his view of the world and the people in it is flawed. Siv succeeding in his objective wouldn’t be good for anyone, including himself. If this was Siv’s only belief, it would be more of a clear-cut black and white story, and Siv would just be a villain. However, that is not the case.

The other core belief Siv believes is one that Astor leads him to: Getting rid of all the terrible, selfish people in the world is the morally correct thing to do, as the kingdom would be a better place and he’d finally be happy. “Defeating the evil in the kingdom will make everything end up good” is a mindset that many stereotypical heroes share. This is the belief in the stories of many people’s childhoods, and people root for them because it’s usually correct in the context of said story. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with Siv’s belief; he does have a point and does deserve to be happy. Furthermore, most of the problem causers in Hyrule would be gone, preventing all the hurt and trauma all the characters have to cope with from happening again. For example, getting rid of Ligero is something the entire reader-base has been cheering for since the old man was first introduced. It would be satisfying to see people such as those face consequences for their actions, and as readers, we like satisfying endings. Unfortunately, the problem is that Siv believes everyone is bad except him and Ganon, so he’d be getting rid of everyone, and effectively resurrecting the Calamity, something that devastated the kingdom and brought a massive amount of death, in the process. Taking that into account, you wouldn’t want Siv to succeed. And as a bonus, killing anyone and everyone he could possibly care about in any capacity would not be good for his already crumbling mental state. All of this creates a mental tug-of-war  in the reader’s head, because they're rooting for Siv to succeed but also hoping that Siv will fail. Is he in the right? No, because not everyone is a bad person and killing everyone by raising the Calamity isn't ever the right thing to do. But is he in the wrong? Also no, because utilitarianism isn't inherently bad, neither is existentialism, and the moral principle itself can have good intentions. Quill writes Siv to be a very complex character with no absolute right or wrong mentality. There’s no surface answer to if Siv is correct in his thinking or not, as this moral greyness goes a lot deeper than the surface level you see within the dialogue.

Siv walks upon the same morally grey tightrope that we, the readers, fight ourselves over within our own mental game of tug-of-war. His moral ambiguity is a huge part of his characterization, as well as a major highlight on the plot of HKU as a whole. The picture Quill painted is not only in multiple shades of grey, but also full of color and life. And out of all the shades of grey Quill used in their masterpiece, one of the most interesting shades is Siv. Quill did an excellent job at exploring this moral greyness and it shows well; you can truly see the care that they put into Siv as a character through how he affects the world around him. The kingdom of Hyrule is not made of black and white, but instead, is painted in multiple shades of grey that reflect our own world within itself, since nothing is as simple as it seems. 

~~~

Want to read more about Siv’s morals? Quill wrote an in-depth explanation themselves, and does a much better job of explaining it than I do, so I recommend reading it if that peaks your interest! Click HERE to be sent to that post! (also major spoilers, so be warned)

~~~

Now, since you got to the bottom of this post, and because I might be a little too polite, I need to give some thank-yous to a handful of people.

The first thank-you is to Rev (@swordlesbianss) for giving me the push I needed to actually write this thing! You pretty much kept me accountable for getting this done by mentioning your essay (which I look forward to reading when it’s ready, take your time), so thank you, Rev! You definitely got me to actually start writing the original version of this essay, and caused me to write it to where it is now!

The second thank-you is to Aura (@auroraborealis1890) who beta read the first draft of this essay! You made sure it wasn’t completely incomprehensible, thank you so much Aura! By being able to read it at all, you were a huge help to what was essentially a crazy person’s ramblings. You’re a great friend and I’m very grateful you read my first draft of bullshit <3

The third thank-you is a huge one to Bunny (@bunnywabbit229) who polished up this essay! All of the tone, spell checks, and really beautiful analogies were proofread by Bunny, some invented by them! They took a good 5+ hours out of their day and made this little rock of an essay become the shining diamond it is! I could point out so many things that they made better, but I don’t want to gush for too long. Bunny, I know I already told you this but if I could buy you a large brownie pizza, I would because you helped so much and I appreciate it so much!

The final thank-you is to Quill, the author of @hyrule-kingdom-updates, who made the inspiration for this essay. You have made such a wonderful story that’s rich with so many amazing characters and astounding worldbuilding. You made a masterpiece that inspired an essay of over 1000 words and I’m in awe. You truly deserve to know how wonderful your writing is and all the effort you’ve put into your characters and story is not going unnoticed. So thank you so much for putting your story out into the world, Quill.

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

FP//The Midnight Club (part 4)

hey! thats right, after the long awaited return, its back!!! and because i feel so terrible about leaving it for so long, the rest of the series is written too (and edited!!!), it just needs posting. anyway, i hope you like it!! and i hope it was worth the wait. seriously, thank you for being so patient, i love you all. (part 3)

In movies, Saturday detention always looks fun. Sneaking around, pouring your heart out to people you see everyday but know next to nothing about and making new life long friends. In reality, its spent doing a whole load of nothing.

You rest your chin in your hand and stare at the blank board ahead. You were the second one here, after Penelope Blossom and as soon as you walked through the door she sent you a disapproving look.

You and Penelope get on almost as well as you and Alice. She’s an annoying teachers pet that likes to write you up when she catches you and FP so much as holding hands.

The seat you chose when you got hear was a good one, near the back and away from Penelope. But then the rest of the your classmates turned up and suddenly you found yourself sat between FP and Alice, both of which were trying to kill each other with just looks. 

“Leave me alone FP.” You whisper. It’s the third time he’s tried to talk to you since he got here, and every time you’ve told him to go away. It seems finally he gets the hint and huffs loudly before leaning back in his chair.

You glance behind you to see Alice already looking at you and you send her a small, unsure smile. She just scoffs and looks down at her gloved hands, leaving you to stare at the top of her head.

“Welcome...to Saturday Detention.” Principal Featherhead’s loud but tired voice draws your attention the front of the class again and you force yourself to try and listen to whatever’s he’s droning on about, but in the 2 seconds its taken for him to let out a breath, you’ve tuned out.

It’s weird when the closest thing you have to a friend is Alice Smith. The rest are just acquaintances...and FP, who right now could be dead for all you care. You’re still not over last night. 

There’s clearly something going on between him and Alice, the more you think of it, the more it makes sense. And you’ve thought about it a lot, all of last night in fact. 

Your boyfriend knocked up Alice Smith...and then you. It makes you wonder if anybody else is expecting, you could make a little football team at this rate. 

It’s bad enough having Saturday detention, but it’s even worse that he’s here, especially when you’re running on less than an hours sleep. 

It’s just one Saturday. Eight hours, seven people with nothing in common.

Well, almost nothing.

The bad girl

“Alice Smith?”

The rebelling Catholic

“Hermione Gomez?”

The teachers pet

“Penelope Blossom?”

The artist athlete

“Fred Andrews?”

The political animal

“Sierra Samuels?”

The good girl

“Y/n Y/ln?”

And the ladies man

“Forsythe Pendleton Jones, Jr?”

You piece together the reasons everyone’s here. Alice and Penelope are here for fighting, something Alice told you about in detail last night, despite you wanting to sit in silence and watch Winona and Johnny fall in love. But you will admit...she did deserve it. 

Sierra and Hermione are probably here because they were in the bathroom just before you left, so they got caught in a wrong place, one time thing like you. The friend that you’re covering for isn’t even here, instead she’s probably in bed, or at Pop’s while you’re sat here taking the fall for her. 

Fred and FP were caught streaking, which was funny at the time. Seeing FP and Fred run down the corridor with no clothes on was a sight, made even funnier by Principal Featherstone catching them. But now you just want to slap the smirk that seems to permanently reside on FP’s face off. You have never hoped he has a hangover more.

“While you’re here today you will not talk.” Featherhead starts while making his way around the desks, handing out paper as he goes and you have to hold in a sigh. “You will not play” He says and snatches Fred’s drumsticks away, making the boy huff quietly and sit up straighter. “You will not move. I don’t even want you to breathe.”

“Charming.” Alice mutters and you stifle a laugh. Sierra clears her throat and everyone looks at her.

“Yes?”

“What if we have to pee?” She asks.

“You hold it, Miss Samuels. And at the end of the day, you will deliver a 1000-word essay as to why you’re here today.” He replies and you all let out a collective groan. “I will be right down the hall, in my office, all day long...cause I have nothing better to do.”

The clock reads 11am, meaning you’ve only been here for two hours and they’ve been the longest two hours of your life. Staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of you for so long has made your vision go weird so you  focus on the clock instead. You know why you’re here, ‘caught smoking’ is what you’ll have to write, despite the fact you were just holding it. But how are you supposed to stretch that into 1000 words?

A scratching behind you distracts you from your thoughts making you look behind you. Alice sits on the windowsill with a knife in her hand as she scratches against the wood.

“Dude, can you not?” Fred asks annoyed and she stops abruptly.

“Dude? Can you bite me?” She retorts. Fred rolls his eyes before turning back around.

“Oh, my God. Shh.” Penelope says loudly and now its your turn to roll your eyes.

“Psst. Sierra.” A different voice is a welcome distraction for all of you and everyone looks at the door, hoping and praying that its something exciting.

Tom Keller peeks his head round the door, a smile growing on his face when he spots Sierra and she quickly stands up, making her way towards him.

“Sit down. We’ll get in trouble.” Penelope scolds but Sierra ignores her.

“Tommy.” She smiles and the two of them kiss. Your eyes widen at the sight and you hear a few muffled gasps from the other students.

“Brought you some sustenance.” He says and waves a paper bag at her. She smiles again and grabs the bag from him, holding it close to her chest.

“Thank you.”

“I love you. I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

“Okay.” She nods and kisses him again before he leaves as quickly as he came.

“Sierra?” Fred is the first to break the stunned silence. “You and Tom Keller?” She nods and he lets out a short laugh. “Guys we’ve been going to the same school since kindergarten. How do we not know anything about each other?”

“We’re not friends. Cliques don’t cross pollinate.” Penelope replies. “Haven’t you seen Heathers?”

“Well, we’ve got six or more hours to kill, and no one to impress. How about a round of Secrets and Sins?” Sierra says, a small twinkle in her eyes as she looks at each you.

You gulp and share a look with the rest of the group, yours and Alice’s lingering for a little longer than the rest.

Sierra is the first to sit down, an excited smile on her face as she watches the rest of you reluctantly sit. Fred’s next, and then Hermione who sits beside him. Penelope sits on the other side of Sierra, FP sits next to Fred and you sit beside him, making sure to put a good amount of distance in between you. Alice is the last to sit, doing it as dramatically as she can and earning an eye roll from Sierra and FP.

“I’ll start!” Sierra says. “Tommy and I have been secretly dating for a few months now.” She admits.  

“Why secretly?” Hermione asks.

“Our parents don’t want their children dating someone so...different. To use their euphemism of choice.” She replies, the previous happy smile is long gone. It’s replaced by sadness and she looks at the old, faded carpet, trying hard not to think too much of it. 

“My mom’s all up in my relationships, too.” Hermione adds. “You know Hiram Lodge?”

“Uh, yes.” Fred replies and a few of you giggle at his response. “Dude is ripped.”

“And a petty criminal.” Penelope mutters.

“He’s a self starter who provides for his family.” She defends. “But to my mom, he’s a scrub. ‘Thats the way to to the American Dream, mija.’ But what dream? She cleans hotel rooms in that stupid Five Seasons, 16 hours a day. Hiram’s got the right idea. Get out of Riverdale. No matter what you have to do.”

“Yeah.” Fred starts. “Except...Riverdale’s not the problem. Me? I wanna stay here my whole life.” He says making Sierra laugh and you shake your head. You can’t think of anything worse. 

Although now, you just might be stuck here. You’re destined to live in a crappy trailer, barely keeping it together and watching your friends move on with their lives. Oh god, the thought alone makes you want to cry and throw up all at the same time and you let out a shaky breath. Your hand automatically moves to your stomach as you try to slow your breathing. 

“Are you okay?” Fred asks and you force yourself to look at him, faking a smile and quickly dropping your hand to your thigh.

“Yeah, I’m good.” You nod. FP moves to hold your hand but you quickly pull it away, sending him a scowl and he quickly retracts his hand back. Fred notices of course, but decides to stay out of it, instead looking at the old carpet. Alice rolls her eyes at the two of you and looks straight at Fred. 

“Is that how longs its gonna take you to decide between music or baseball?” She asks and Fred flips her off.

“Our minor league is solid. And we’re close enough to the city to play music gigs. This towns got it all. Could even see myself running for mayor one day.” He says, and he’s the only person in this room that you believe could actually do that.

Fred Andrews is something different. He’s friendly to everyone, no matter where they come from or what they are. He’s somebody you wish you could be more like, and you can see him changing the world someday.

“Ugh. Nightmare job.” Sierra huffs. “Why not shoot for something bigger? You can do all those things in a real metropolis.”

“Yeah. Except look after my dad. He’s sick. Real sick. And he took care of me my whole life, so, now it’s my turn.” He replies, his expression saddening and a frown appears on your own face. Tears well behind your eyes and one rolls down your cheek. It lands on your hand and your curse your hormones for making you cry.

FP reaches out again but you just shuffle further away from him, wiping your tears as you go and he lets out an annoyed sigh.

Hermione places a comforting hand on Fred’s knee and he looks at it for a few seconds, seemingly getting lost in his thoughts for a while before quickly changing the subject.

“Alice, you’re up. What’s your deepest, darkest secret?”

The tension in the room shifts. Penelope, Sierra and Hermione share a look and you watch as FP and Alice glance at each other.  

“Um...”

“Lets skip her.” You interrupt and she sends you a glare.

“I don’t need your pity Y/n.”

“Alice just tell them about the time you lit a dumpster on fire on the southside” FP says bored.

“Wait, that was you?” You ask, earning a few confused looks from the rest of the group. You remember that fire, it caused quite the rage on the Southside because the serpents thought it was a rival gang seeing as though it was right outside of the Wyrm. “...FP told me.” You add quietly.

“Why don’t you tell them that you actually live in Sunnyside Trailer Park?” She replies and for a second you freeze, thinking she’s talking about you.

“I thought you lived on Elm Street.” Penelope says shocked and you realize she was actually talking to FP.

“Yeah, of course. Because it’s what Forsythe wants you to believe. You parade around the school in your varsity jacket like a Northsider. You even got yourself a northside girlfriend to help you fit in.” She says and looks at you. “But don’t kid yourself. You’ll never escape the Southside. You’re gonna end up just like your dad.”

“Alice.” You warn. He may have pissed you off, gotten you and some other girl pregnant, but he is not his father. He never will be and you feel yourself jumping to his defense quicker than you probably would have liked.

“Downing six-packs in your double-wide.” She continues, staring straight at him.

“Maybe, but I’m not gonna hit my kid. Not like my old man hits me.” He replies and looks at you, his eyes glancing at your stomach for a split second before looking back at her. The group goes silent, no one daring to look at each other and even you avoid eye contact with him.

“Oh really? Which one?” She laughs and you quickly look up. Everyone looks up surprised, but before they can question anything Alice storms out, slamming the door behind her.

Its quiet for a few minutes, before FP takes a deep breath and continues his story.

“I told him I didn’t wanna join his gang. That I wanted to be the first Jones to go to college. He didn’t like that.” He holds up his broken wrist. He hates the way they’re looking at him, like he’s broken, like he’s a victim. But he feels better when he feels your hand resting on top of his. “I guess he sort of got what he wanted. It looks like I won’t be going anyway.” He whispers the last part, turning his hand over and holding yours as best as he can.

“Okay. I guess I’m next.” Penelope interrupts the moment you’re having but you don’t let go. Instead you shuffle closer to him, you’re still pissed, beyond pissed even, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve a hug. “Fair is fair. The Blossoms. They’re...terrible people.”

“But, Penelope, you’re a Blossom.” Hermione replies confused.

“No, I’m not. Not really. I grew up at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy orphanage.”

“Oh, my God, Penelope. That place has like, violated every humanitarian code.” Sierra says.

“When I was eight, the Blossom’s came and asked to see all the red-headed children. The next thing I knew, I was leaving with them. I was so excited. I very quickly realized this was not an altruistic adoption. I was being groomed. To first be Clifford’s sister. Then, eventually, his life companion. Every second away from that house, even today, is a relief.”

“Why are you still living there?” You ask, genuinely curious as to why she would stay there.

“They’re my family.” She replies.

“That’s not family. It’s basically incest. It’s disgusting.” Hermione adds.

“At least I’m not cleaning other people’s toilets like your mom.” Penelope argues and Hermione stares at her annoyed, trying to think of an insult.

“Well, at least she has class. She’s not stealing child brides out of orphanages.” She spits and Penelope gasps.

The two of them start fighting and you hear Fred and Sierra complain before moving to separate them. FP stands and helps you up, quickly moving you out of the way and you end up backing into something much worse that an accidental punch. 

“Congratulations. You all just upped your sentence from Saturday detention...to four.”

[scoundrels-in-love]

for the ask meme: 9, 32 & 49 please!

It’s only been 10 days... It’s only a guess which ask game you sent this for...! ^^; (I am basing it on the fact I read the questions and mused about them for this whole time so I am probably right about the game.) @nossbean

9. What are your favorite fanfics?

Oh no. Oh no. I could and should write POSTS upon POSTS about this.

But I haven’t, because I don’t have the energy to. So you get a cheat version of some of my random favorites from my last pages of my AO3 history. And few special shout outs.

@angel-deux-writes Worth is a wholeass gem and I haven’t commented yet, but I binged it basically today (with exception of first chapter) and I can’t stop yelling about it internally, because the way she says things!! She always has some of my favorite Brienne characterization I get so envious over. There is strength and pride in it, and vulnerability and fear and the acknowledgment that her self-loathing is unfounded yet how hard it is to defend yourself, even knowing all that. I could write essays about it and Angel’s stories in general. Anything by her is a treasure trove, truly.

@samirant Rush Me All Night Long is a fascinating concept, so very well executed and absolutely captivating. Makes me go slack-jawed with awe with how seamless it is. And beyond the craftsmanship of the story form itself, the contents are absolutely epic, too. Intrigue, growth of relationship, dash of humor that is right up my alley, lot of good other characters with their wonderful insights... Nothing to add or take away. Just great. And you KNOW you should check rest of her writing out, too. You won’t regret it.

@ajoblotofjunk is back with another subtly, but powerfully in-depth world story with Baby I Will. How many professions has she gotten degree in already? Because the way she weaves art of playing in bars is so organic. And oh, the connection between Jaime and Brienne... Electrifying, a storm that starts as static sparks as they brush past each other. And I can’t wait to watch it grow. (Also shout out to her absolutely beyond epic gift to me, Petrichor. Which is mindblowingly great and written at haste I cannot comprehend. It couldn’t be more tailored to me and I tear up just thinking about it.)

LadyRhiyana’s Stray Sparks II is the perfect example why I tell someone at least once a week “I wish I could LadyRhiyana this”. Her absolutely amazing skill to capture a whole setting, a whole world of emotions in sometimes as few as 5 to 10 sentences (and not the 30 word sort!) is just... Mesmerizing. I admire it so much and am typically absolutely enamored by her stories. Crossover is also in my history and I am absolutely head-over-heels for it.

@kurikaesu-haru Thirsty is the most endearing, captivating way to combine the two meanings of the word and I adore it to pieces. It’s fun and emotional and hot, and everything it could possibly need to be and then some, in best way possible. And her works contain more and more of gold mines, truly.

@firesign23 is a treasure, to this fandom and to me in particular, for many reasons. But her skill to devastate me with short stories is truly something else.  Odd Socks (link to one of my favorite of the lot, but do give them all a read if you haven’t!) is what I have in my history, but I rec her as a writer 1000%. Her prompt fills are always poignant and not shy of ache and I can only marvel at them all. But also how could I miss out on mentioning her two breathtaking recent stories for fic exchange? Hold Steady is a Journey without ever leaving Winterfell, but the miles traveled by weary, worried, longing hearts in it... Oof. And, of course, I have to mention by hearts and hands made fast because it’s for me and it made me cry real tears more than once (!) and actually yell in real life, like no other story. Real and complicated as the characters deserve to be told, painful and comforting, absolutely breathtaking in the prose... I could rant for days, truly. And truly, wherever you look at her work, you’ll find more of it.

@aviss Skin Deep is just gem, gem, gem. Am I biased because she wrote for me, in a sense? Maybe. But she ACED it in ways I can barely comprehend. Everything I could wish for in the concept is there and more. Sweet pining, absolute besottery and realistic realizations and then hot, earnest resolutions... What a gem. As is rest of her works, really!

32. Past or present tense? 

I used to be such a past tense snob. Nothing else for me, no sir. But now I write almost exclusively in present tense. I can’t tell when the shift happened, I think when I was 20 or few years older than that, and I don’t know why, I think I read a good fic, like really good one, and also was trying to bypass my writer’s block by switching it up. And I found a certain freedom in it. A sense that it makes sense for me to go deeper, to be in present turmoil and wax poetics about it for few paragraphs. Because it’s currently happening, instead of retelling if something that has been. It freed me more in past tense, too, though.

It’s odd I don’t remember how and why the shift happened, almost makes me feel sad.

Nowadays I mostly write in past tense because I get too caught up in flashback sort of sequences and can’t make it grammatically correct anymore so I switch everything to past tense. Tomorrow (with you) is prime example.

49. Where do you draw inspiration from? 

Anything. The other day, I was bitterly laughing with a friend I could write a piece about stain on floor, create whole 1-3k word story about someone thinking about the stain, etc. Doesn’t matter if it has funny shape or not, known origin or not.

Most often, though, it’s prompts, it’s song lyrics, it’s some kind of thought/belief I have for character that I want to express/see them through some kind of event in way I think they would. Sometimes, it’s specific setting or watching something. Like, there was one (1) almost head-kiss in a kdrama with secret identities and I created a whole 10k word worth story idea off of it... Sometimes, it’s honestly even just a dumb, dumb post. But yes, music/feelings/prompts, I’d say are the main thing.

And as for inspiration drawn for writing itself... That’s a difficult question for me, right now. In kindest, non-rambly way I’d probably say what other people have lived and written.

Send me fanfic question?<3

[him-e]

I'm not the previous lovely anon but when I read their message I thought I might've written it and then forgot about it, because honestly same. You've been one of my fave blogs for the 4 years I've been on tumblr since I was sixteen. Your meta and commentary mainly on asoiaf and sw helped me shape the way I see fandom, there were so many moments when I've read something of yours and went "Yes! This! but will I be able to ever express myself so eloquently?" There are so many strong opinions(1/3)

on this site and you’re always willing to explore different perspectives and offer a deep insight in the story with such levelheadedness! Also it was through your blog that I first saw things like monster romance, empathizing with villains, redemption arcs, female gaze narratives etc. discussed. I knew I liked these types of stories since I was a kid but I didn’t knew there were names or actual analysis for them and you lead me to discover similar meta writers and pieces of work. Like one of your meta on your sideblog about how villain love interests appeal to teen girls not only because they desire them but also because they see themselves in them? It was so poignantly written and so opposite to the condescending and misogynistic views of antis and I still remember it because it deeply touched me (I seriously had a “holy shit this is me” realization).So uh..excuse my word vomit but what I mean to say is that you are amazing and I hope everything in your life works out in the best possible way because you deserve it 1000%.

Since SIXTEEN? *clutches chest* All of this makes me so happy because it’s exactly the same brain sparkles I got when I first joined Tumblr, MANY years ago (and even before that, when I started interacting with other female fans on LJ and other forums, but Tumblr made the difference because it made it easy to widen the scope of the discussion from a specific fandom to fiction and media at large). 

Honestly, and I can’t stress this enough, 98% of what I do on this site is sharing ideas that aren’t original at all, but the echo of years of interaction with different brilliant minds, each of them has helped me go from passive consumer of fiction, to feminist interrogating the media I consume on its “problematic” content (yes! I went through that phase myself too, although not in the same way antis do these days), to what I am now, i.e. a feminist who is trying to do her best at intersectionality but also wants to experience escapist fiction freely and without guilt trips, and reclaim those tropes and narratives that i know have made me happy in the past, from a visceral, empathetic perspective, for a reason. So I’m glad that other people, especially this young, are reaching quickly stage 3 and getting familiar with a meta culture that is less about swallowing fandom factoids passively and more about mutually sharing ever-evolving views and interpretations. 

But the best thing is knowing that young people like you are clever and mature enough to handle all of this in a way I don’t think I was able to do at your age (tbh I only experienced fiction from within my own bubble, back then—I had no concept of sharing my views with people who ruminated on things just as much as I did. At best, I read reviews or even essays, but not from a fan perspective. But who knows, maybe forming my own opinions in a pseudo void rather than the echo chamber that fandom can be now was formative too). 

I really hate the idea of having to be condescending to teenagers, of having to “protect” them from terrible fiction or *shitty villains*. Of feeding them only good narratives, and guilt tripping them into denouncing as bad anything they might feel instinctively drawn to, but that isn’t *approved* by the fandom police. At that age, you should already be able to think with your own head, and tell the difference between an ideal you’d want to pursue in real life and a fantasy you want to engage with in the privacy of your room just because it feels FUN. or scary. or sexy. or, well, wrong. You should be able to do that. I honestly can’t imagine my existence if I hadn’t been able to do that.

The thing you referenced, about seeing yourself in certain types of villains, because they fill a representation void in male-centric narratives that more often than not female characters (who are often pushed to the margins and deprived of any real agency or personality in those stories) can’t satisfy on their own? Let alone good standard masculine heroes with exactly the right amount of good standard “soft” qualities to not overall compromise the perception of their masculinity? When I first heard of this idea myself, a lot of things just clicked into place for me. Haven’t I liked all my life a certain type of characters and tropes? Was I brainwashed by the patriarchy, or was there something deeper and more complex going on there? How can I look at fiction critically without also having to beat myself into liking unproblematic narratives with the “good” kind of characters and representation, sanitized to a point that I don’t find anything relatable in them?

digressing as always, ANYWAY: I’m glad you wrote and glad my blog was for you an intersection of different perspectives and roads to follow. I’d rather be this than a “role model” (because I suck at modeling, and because fuck role models anyway). Hope you continue on these paths!

[laufire]

Some things I’ve received during my hiatus, and that it’s related to some worrying patterns I’ve seen recently on tumblr, have made me want to clarify a point. I’ve debated whether to put some of it behind a cut, since +1000 is on the longish-side, but fuck it. I think it’s important --or at least, important that you know this about me--, it makes me angry, and you’ll just have to scroll past it. And it’s a topic I’ll probably talk more about in the future, since it genuinely concerns me, even if not specifically in the same way or focusing on the same things I do here, so you might wanna be mindful of that *shrugs*.

I do not give a single fuck about whether B*llarke is “problematic”, or toxic, or abusive, or “immoral to ship” in any way. And the same can be said about literally every pairing. And if you ever try to harass anyone with those arguments (or any other, but I hope that goes without saying) --including shippers of my NOTPs--, I guarantee you, you won’t have me on your side.

Sure, I don’t like seeing it (and plenty of other ships) on my dash; that’s what filters are for. There are ships whose existence I prefer to ignore in its entirety, and I plan on forgetting them for the rest of my life.

In BC’s case, in particular, I –obviously, if you’ve read this blog– don’t want it to become canon. The way I see it, it’s a crack-ship (and not a very interesting one, AFAIC) between a character I like and a character I dislike, that’s entirely based on misrepresenting canon. Why would I care? But IMO the writers dislike the ship itself, so why would I worry either?

On top of that, I’m rooting for Bellamy’s narrative to be the dominant narrative (not as much for Bellamy himself –thought that’s a nice bonus–, but because it inevitably benefits my favourite characters: Raven, Murphy, Emori, Echo and Octavia), and the show has proven that’s antithetical to Clarke’s narrative prevailing (there’s a reason why every single season has put them at odds, in ways that effectively risk each other’s happiness, health and life). Historically speaking, things don’t end well for male leads that are put in romantic situations with women they haven’t chosen and put moves on by their own accord, and there’s plenty of evidence in canon that Bellamy doesn’t see Clarke in a romantic light –and it’s telling that, in fact, the writers CHOSE to cut out the one moment that could’ve hinted at it, back in season one.

Lastly, as I said, I think the writers themselves dislike the ship; not just aren’t interest in writing it, but actively dislike it. The first piece of evidence (if you plan on ignoring everything they’ve said about it, which already backs this opinion) is, frankly, that it hasn’t happened. Ships well-liked by the writers and supported by the narrative happen fast; lightning-fast in some cases. They likely don’t stay together, because narratives tend to follow a path of separation before the last-minute endgame (which might not happen; endgames aren’t a guarantee, even if there clearly are ships with better odds than others; BC, IMO, is the LEAST likely endgame possible out of all of them), but you better bet that dude is making his interest known ASAP.

Of course, writers in all of history of TV have written ships that they disliked, or at least ships that they only saw as filler and not “endgame material” (though I’m struggling with remembering another one that has the writers feeling so apathetic tbh). So yeah, there’s a very, very small chance of it happening, sure.

But have you ever tried to write a romance for a ship you hate? You probably haven’t, because the very idea it’s ridiculous. But imagine if you had. You would have hated every minute, I bet. And I don’t think any fans of that ship would find your story even remotely satisfying. Professional writers are exactly the same.

Even if the writers felt so worn down that they decided to go for your ship (which, IMO, would be a giant warning sign on itself; it’d be a mere symptom of their disinterest on their own story, and the show would be on its lasts breaths), what makes you think it’d make for a good story? They would half-ass it at best (and probably use it to troll you, out of spite), it would never get the genuine ~feeling that their preferred ships enjoy because, well. They don’t want it. They don’t believe in it. You can’t write with passion about something you don’t believe in, and passionless writing sucks literally every damn time.

And even all that? All that play-by-play essay I just gave you about why I don’t like the idea of canon BC? That still isn’t enough to make me hate on the ship. This can be said about plenty of ships across shows, books, etc., and I don’t talk about any of them because I don’t even remember them after I’ve moved on to the next thing.

But you know what I hate about BC? ITS FUCKING FANDOM.

They’ve proven to be one of the most dishonest ship-doms I’ve ever encountered, and probably one of the most numerous at that, which obviously only makes them worse (one day I’m going to talk about how these type of ships seem to attract assholes that know they can get away with shit due to the numbers and the attitude of those fanbases, but that’s another story).

Their numbers allow them to control the narrative within the fandom (and since canon doesn’t support them, they’ll outright lie about it), to the point were dissenting voices are ignored, disbelieved, and actively ridiculed and silenced, even when we’re pointing out actual scenes that support OUR reading and contradict THEIRS. They routinely act like characters like Echo or Raven don’t matter, while in fact feeling threatened by their relationship with Bellamy, and go into their tags full of condescending concern-trolling or outright hate. They harass other fans that dare to disagree with them, and they harass the actors and the creators of the show on a semi-regular basis.

A.K.A., they’re hurting real, living human beings.

There are hundreds of “toxic” ship out there (and am I the only one who, thanks to fandom, feel like many of these words have completely lost meaning? I truly hope that I am) that I never think or talk about, even if *I* personally didn’t care for or disliked them. By virtue of their small numbers (since a lot of those ships tend to be fringe interests in the already fringe medium that is fandom), most of the shippers usually mind their own business and simply go on with their lives, which I find to be the right attitude. Shipping (and character/show-stanning) isn’t activism, it’s born out of the fucking opposite impulses, IMO. Fiction is a place to explore anything and everything we wouldn’t even imagine doing in real life; there’s a reason why horror is such a popular genre, ffs. (and that’s mainstream, which means it has a bigger outreach and potential real life consequences (even if they don’t happen the way people think they do; fiction mostly reflects and maybe reinforces reality; it can’t create anything out of thin air). I cannot stress how few people read fanworks and how little they impact the real world).

If anything, those shippers have all my sympathy, because 9 times out of 10, THEY are the ones getting the brunt of the harassment. Like, I don’t give a single fuck about Reylo in one way or the other, to name one example (I’ve only watched TFA, which means I’ve missed the ~meaty part of their relationship, for one; but even if I remedied that, I thought both characters were deeply uninteresting, and I find KR painfully unattractive inside and out, so it’s likely I still wouldn’t ship it); but I’ve seen how its shippers got sent anti-Semitic slurs and gore pictures and were compared to school-shooters, and how its antis have effectively shielded a confessed rapist in their midst (and all that without getting into the general pattern of harassment/violent threats/suicide baiting that plagues the purity culture movement in this site; I can send you sources, if you don’t believe me), so those antis can go fuck themselves, tbh.

THAT shit is what I take issue with: hurting actual people. That’s ALWAYS going to matter more than the feelings of some fucking fictional construct, and I can’t believe that somehow became a controversial opinion. Bellamy or Rey or whom-the-fuck-ever doesn’t exist, they can’t get hurt, and the idea of their “feelings” taking precedence over the well-being or real people is fucking insulting.

(btw, don’t bother with any “but what about THIS gross ship/type of ships? you support THAT too?“ I’m not going to answer that and make myself a target for that bullshit, and I think this post proves this situation goes a little beyond something as clear-cut as “support” or “condemn” --among other issues, who am I to “aproove” or not any ship wtf--, but if you mean “are you against people who like it being attacked because their interests in fiction somehow prove they have ~nasty morals?”, then the answer is a resounding “yes”. What the fuck do you know about their life anyway)

[foolishone-downbad]

Degree Trek: The Final Commencement

(I had to write an autobiographical literary response essay to The Odyssey for my World Lit class this summer. I went....a little over the max word count of 600 [1100 words total LOL]. Thought I’d share here cause creative writing..ish. I haven’t written anything in a creative fashion in a long, long time.)

           In Homer’s The Odyssey, the protagonist Odysseus encounters many challenges that test how strong he can be intellectually, emotionally, and physically. His setbacks are thrust upon him through both the will of the gods, and his own folly at times. Although no modern day person can claim to have faced some of the same challenges (such as Polyphemus, Calypso, or his crew releasing the last of the winds from Aeolus) literally, every one of us can reflect on a challenge that may have felt like they were up against a figurative version of the same obstacles. My personal story begins in August of 2007. I was fresh out of high school, and decided to start the progress towards my Bachelor’s Degree at the North Harris Montgomery Community College District campus on Barker Cypress.  I lost a few minor battles in the war that was gaining my Associates Degree, but ultimately I won the war as a veteran with honors. I graduated with my Associate of Arts in December 2009 as part of Phi Theta Kappa – the community college honor society. It was a milestone, but only a step on the way to my larger goal of a Bachelor’s Degree. I had no idea of the storms brewing ahead throughout the rest of my journey, or of the intellectual and emotional excellence that would be required from me on the arduous road ahead.

The journey from my Associate of Arts to my Bachelor of Arts seemed to be off to a strong start. However, I quickly found myself having to work harder than ever to keep financially afloat, which brought a new burden that would make it harder to stay afloat on the academic waters. I got far too self-confident at the amount of work which I could handle on both ends, almost screaming at life as if it were Polyphemus, “I am Amanda Pfluger! In the end, you will know that it was I who was able to defeat your challenges and come out on top.” Like Odysseus, I was punished for my cockiness with more difficult challenges. My father was sent to prison just as we were rekindling the close relationship we had not had in years. The sudden ripping of him from my life caused me to waver, and had it not been for one of my professors I would not have been able to push forward. She was my Aeolus, giving me the wind I needed to fill my sails with emotional strength and steer forward on my journey…until I fell asleep at the helm.

Fall of 2014 was an exciting semester for me: I was getting married in September, and anticipating graduation in December. I was continuing to struggle with my mental health, but felt like I could handle it on my own. Then something happened that rocked my world. One of my heroes committed suicide the day before my birthday, and unbeknownst to me set the tone that would encompass my life for the next four months. His death triggered a sense of despair and hopelessness inside of me: if someone with such a public air of lightheartedness and comedy, and so far into their life, could succumb to their inner demons then I didn’t know how I could possibly avoid ending up with the same fate. This entire situation exacerbated the depression and anxiety which I was already fighting, and left me listless for weeks. Eventually I was able to find the emotional strength to search for aid so that I could work towards getting better. It took me two months – until October – to get in with a doctor. When I went into their office for the first time I felt relief wash over me like waves on the shore. My husband, however, was less than supportive. He had a toxic attitude that did not believe in “invisible” illnesses, much less working to help lift a struggling person through emotional support. As our new marriage became more strained, my mental health did also. This translated to extreme difficulty in keeping up with my studies. December came, and I found myself failing in school. I also found my marriage failing.

I was expelled from the University of Houston.

I was handed divorce papers on Christmas Eve.

Like Odysseus who was suddenly forced away from the shore of Ithaca by the unleashed winds of Aeolus, I suddenly found myself many steps back from my degree. It felt as though there was no longer any hope in my journey. I had seen the light and had it abruptly taken away from me through my own missteps. My confidence was shattered on many fronts, and I was convinced I was not smart enough or good enough. It took a few months, but eventually I began to regroup and find the emotional strength to move forward and prove that I was good enough, and that I was smart enough. I threw myself into excelling at my job at an oil and gas company through learning new skills. The job became my Calypso. It was nice to step away from my journey and relax to contemplate the “immortality” of being able to move up the ladder at the company without a degree. After much contemplation and health issues, I realized that the potential for a well-padded bank account meant nothing to me if I wasn’t happy. I longed for a full heart that enjoyed what it did day in and day out. I escaped the island by way of finding employment at an elementary school. Working in a school revitalized my emotional strength, and caused me to want to push on again towards my original end goal of a Bachelor’s Degree. I began to look into new schools where I could pursue this, and decided to apply to Sam Houston State University.

Finding my way to SHSU was in many ways like Odysseus landing among the Phaeacians. I wasn’t home, but welcomed and offered much-needed assistance as if I were. I was able to regain the last bit of emotional and intellectual strength I still needed to prove that I could make it through to the end, with the help of encouraging professors and department staff. Through them, I have been able once more believe in my emotional and intellectual strength, and to once more catch a glimpse of the much more stable light at the end of the tunnel. In total, the journey from the victory at my own Trojan war to landing at my final destination will have taken me eight years of travel – two years less than Odysseus’ adventure.

------------------

On a funny side note for ANYONE WHO GETS IT:

My professor said the 600 word count was a loose cap, and that he’s with us until about 1000 words, but we’ve “probably lost” him at 1200.

I started panicking at 1000 words and MY DAMN FERRET (WHOSE NAME IS ATHENA BTW) came over and stood on my backspace button when I wasn’t looking.

GIRL THIS ISN’T THE REAL ODYSSEY, I DON’T NEED YOUR “HELP” ON MY WORD COUNT.

[essaytopics929]

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[tbbt-faves]

So it’s 5 AM and I can’t sleep so let’s just go ahead an write this damn thing.

Sheldon Cooper: A prime example of character development.

NOTE: I’m so sorry if it takes forever to load all the gifs accompanying this gigantic text post but they’re necessary to illustrate my point perfectly and remove any possible ambiguity that might get me in trouble with anon h8ers (and also, the gifs make it more interesting). If necessary just let this page load for a few minutes in the background. Anyway, let’s begin:

So, I love this character. As most people do. I remember in.. 2007/8 when this show first came out and all people talked about at my school was Sheldon. Maybe a little bit about Howard but mostly Sheldon. He was, and in many ways, still is, such an unlikely likable character. For real, like, imagine reading this character, before seeing Jim playing him. He’s a dick. But somehow, and I don’t think we’ll ever know why, we all love him. We feel this strange sympathy for him.

I attribute a lot of that to Jim Parsons’ adorableness.

I mean look at HIM. But we’re not here to talk about that.

We’re here to talk about how he went from being this guy, who hated relationships and had no interest in other human beings

to becoming this guy.

Because I remember very well how everyone was so apprehensive about the idea of Sheldon having a love interest back in season 3.

Almost as much apprehension as we feel about the Sheldon spin off right now, am I rite? *high fives u* Ok, sorry. I’m gonna try to explain, or describe how I think the writers pulled this off. And you’re entitled to disagree with me, ok? This is just my opinion.

I think the writers of this show are geniuses, a little bit. Not because they write science jokes, because it’s barely about that anymore. But because they found a way to develop a character who seemed 1000000% the most unlikely to ever change in any way.

Let’s look at Season 1/2/3 Sheldon for a second.

He’s a germaphobe.

He doesn’t even like human company.

He disagrees with everyone.

He’s (as far as we know) asexual.

Best part, he’s 100% clueless.

100%!!!

Even when a girl shows interest in him, he doesn’t realize it

Or a guy.

It was funny, yes, but then the news came out that Sheldon was going to have a love interest

And we all wondered how the hell that was going to work. This is how they made it work: They brought in a character that was exactly like Sheldon. Despised physical contact.

Only went out with him to please his mother

Was just as smart as him.

Had the same interests as him.

But the best part about Amy was.. She did not seem as much into Sheldon as Sheldon was into her.

I loved that. Because it seemed so unlikely. I think most of us have forgotten this. Because the way they played it in every other season after season 4, it was the other way around, but not at first.

Amy seemed mostly unfazed by Sheldon.

At least from a relationship point of view.

It would’ve been so much easier for these writers to have this girl be into Sheldon and Sheldon not into her at all but then Sheldon could’ve never fallen for anyone like that, because we remember how that Ramona business turned out, right?

So of course, he liked her more.

He got a bunch of cats after a fight that ended their “relationship” (their words, not mine).

He asked her out and she turned him down

He got jealous of Leonard

He liked her kisses.

But the part that remained very true to the character we all knew and loved was that he denied all of it. That was what still made him very Sheldon. The Sheldon we all loved.

He denied jealousy

He let go of her hand after grabbing it.

He denied being hurt

He denied her being more than a friend.

Meanwhile Amy was just there… a bit of a mystery. Both to us, and Sheldon. Until we got to know her a little bit She became her own character and she.. had desires.

The roles reversed but Sheldon could not let go of her at this point. He was already so into her.

She kissed him and he pretended like it never happened. But it did.

And this is something we’ve come to see from this couple over and over again, and I suspect its the reason why we’re all oddly ok with Sheldon being the way he is today, compared to what he was then. They dragged things out as long as possible. It got to the point where we were all screaming at our TV screens, GOD, JUST ASK HER TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!!!!!1 It got to the point where Sheldon just couldn’t deny his own feelings anymore.

He had to ask her out.

He had to apologize when he was wrong.

He had to allow himself to love her.

And boy, that took a while.

But Amy always found ways, because she’s THE BEST.

So patient, so loving, so understanding.

Because she was Sheldon at some point, right?

She knew what he was going through.

And yet another great example of the writers dragging things out like crazy. Even “Sheldon initiated kiss” (SIK) was a thing on tumblr. I remember the 1000 fanfics written about how a SIK could happen. It was our #1 dream

And let’s all face it, season 6 was a major disappointment. Not only did we not get our SIK, but Sheldon was just… a dick this season.

But we got a cute hug

And Sheldon kinda admitted how much Amy meant to him 

So we decided to forget about it and hope the season 7 was the year of the SIK AND BOY IT WAS.

But before we get into that, let’s look at how much they dragged things out, shall we? 1

2

3

4

That last one was honestly just brutal.

I think all of us shamy shippers would’ve been ok if they just kissed whenever. We would’ve been fine with anything as long as he kissed her on the lips, but the writers probably struggled with the “everyday, normal, general, casual viewer” who doesn’t write huge essays like this one.

And it was so perfect man, I remember watching that scene, I almost had a heart attack.

I remember so very clearly when this scene came out and some Shamy haters (yes they exist, omg) were like “EVERYONES TALKING ABOUT HOW PERFECT IT WAS BUT ANY SCENE WOULD’VE PLEASED U GUYS” and I was like, yeah, thats true but. This kiss was on EVERY NEWS NETWORK IN THE WORLD

THIS STUPID MEME HAD LIKE A MILLION NOTES

EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE

it. was. so. perfect.

Let me tell you why, this episode begins with this scene: Sheldon, once again, suppressing his feelings. He counts down until he no longer feels the need to hug her.

And he’s so betrayed when he finds out Amy was hoping for some romance, cause he does NOT enjoy romance. He tries to make a point.

But now his own body betrays him.

It’s also perfect because this isn’t like every other time where Sheldon’s actions are completely misaligned with what he says. He’s not denying something, he’s just doing it. And he doesn’t ever try to deny it.

Let’s look at Sheldon with the cats once again.

He’s clearly struggling, while saying he’s not pining over anyone.

But kissing, he’s never talked about kissing. He’s never been in a position where he really wanted to kiss her and did it but then denied it.

This, somehow, has never occurred before. 3 years in and this has never happened

And now it does, and he so clearly loves it, and he never, ever. Not even the day after, tries to deny how much it meant to him.

This, ladies gentlemen, is when Sheldon realizes he’s in love.

And he sooo wants to kiss her again, but he doesn’t do it.

Instead he adds it to the relationship agreement, of course. And he’s so willing man, it’s beautiful.

Of course he doesn’t admit he’s in love ’til a year later, but that’s how much we have to drag it out right?

And now that he’s said it, he doesn’t have to hide it anymore.

This guy is just so in love

It’s beautiful. We’re all so happy

and Amy too, and she starts to think that maybe that means Sheldon’s ready for a little bit more.

But he’s not, and that hits her like a damn truck.

She has to break up, patience’s run out, she needs some time off.

And Sheldon knew what had happened. Amy was disappointed because he wasn’t thinking about sex, so he thinks it’s the coitus part that made Amy want to break up.

I’ve said this 10 thousand times already but I love that look (JIM YOU DESERVE EVERY EMMY). It’s such a small, 2 second shot but it shows exactly his thoughts this whole time.

He thinks Amy broke up with him because of the lack of coitus, but it wasn’t that. It was so much more than that.

This whole episode was so clearly a set up to them getting back together.

They’re back to season 4 Shamy. They’re playing games, admiring each other.

Once again, we’re all going JUST KISS HER DAMMIT GET BACK TOGETHER PLEASE

And the end hit US (and Amy) like a damn truck now.

Sheldon was so hurt, he didn’t want to go through all that pain again. He decides he’d rather have Amy as a friend, now that he sees it as a possibility, rather than risk getting his heart broken again.

But then, he comes to a great realization. Amy’s only made him better since they met.

He realizes he is, once again, denying his own feelings.

To hell with that, they’re back together, and this time, for real.

Yes, that means coitus, too. And once again we all went.. “how the hell is that gonna work”. This is probably the first time, since Amy’s arrival, when something happened when we were not expecting it.

They didn’t really drag this out, I mean, in a way, they did cause it’s already been 5 years since Amy’s introduction but also.. not so much. They’d just gotten back together, and we’d all probably thought that 2 kisses were supposed to hold us for a while.

And coitus happened. Something I mysteriously haven’t talked about yet, is why this couple is so appealing to so many people. In part it’s beautiful because of Sheldon’s development, yes, but also because Sheldon and Amy are each other’s 1st love. It seems so unlikely that two people would find love for the first time in their 30s, but that’s exactly what this relationship is.

This is the first time for both of them, and I’m not talking about virginity, no. I’m talking about first time falling for someone. Watching that is so beautiful. It’s one of the best parts about this couple. It brings out a familiar feeling for all of us.

Same with them losing their virginity, it wasn’t about “oooh, Sheldon’s a stud in bed!!”, it’s about, being nervous, anxious...

But ultimately knowing it’s the right time because you love this person and know them and trust them.

It’s again, so unlikely that Amy would be the one having doubts and being nervous right before it happens, and Sheldon’s so calm and sure that this is right.

But that made it all the more beautiful for us, didn’t it?

And yes he’s a genius in bed, too. Period.

Now there’s nothing really holding them back. Coitus only once a year, sure, but that’s it.

Sheldon makes mistakes, and denies his own feelings sometimes but he’s matured enough to realize it and apologize for it, but more than that, he makes adjustments for Amy.

He moves in with her,

adjusts his lifestyle for her

he makes a real effort

Something Amy’s been doing for years now, he’s finally doing it for her.

And, as I’ve said 10 thousand times already, it’s BEAUTIFUL.

And finally, to end this extremely long text post, my favorite headcanon about this couple has always been how Amy is the ONLY person that could’ve made this happen for Sheldon.

She’s the only woman he’d ever want to date, be intimate with, kiss, etc. She’s the only one he could fall for. And I’ll be honest, I was never really sure that that was really canon on the show. Until season 10, episode 24 happened.

And it sucked seeing Sheldon enjoying somebody else’s company so much, even though he obviously did not enjoy it as more than a friendship, but

when Ramona kisses him, he realizes Amy’s the only person he ever wants to be with. It’s canon now, bitches!

Amy’s the only one.

[dlamp-dictator]

Your Dictator’s Works: Rabid Avenger

May this be the last time I make a big post/essay about Tokyo Ghoul.

Finally, I’m no longer distracted by MMOs, fighting games, or Fire Emblem Warriors, it’s time to finally cross this off the list of essays I need to finish this month. This is something I’ve been wanting to talk about for months now, but I needed some time to get a start on the latest fanfiction before I did it. 

So yes, fanfics. I love a good a fanfic, and writing them as well. A the moment I’ve been working on a Tokyo Ghoul called Rabid Avenger, an action fanfic that focuses on Touka Kirishima. And while I’m about to get to work on chapter 3 I figured could take a moment to describe my process of writing fanfics, my preferences, how I go about writing them, etc.

Allen’s Preferences/Inspiration

Y’know... I was going to go into this long spiel about what I personally like to read, watch, and consume in terms of my media and genre preferences and how that played into me writing this specific fanfic, but there’s a quote of something I wrote about a year ago that explains my preferences perfectly, so I’ll just copy and paste that here.

“...[I]f there’s anything I love more than watching shows about cute anime girls, it’s... cute anime girls BEATING THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE IN ONE-ON-ONE HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT.”

I think that quote speaks for itself, but just to go a little further in depth I tend to prefer action-focused series, shows, and books that have a female protagonist. The Maximum Ride series (at least until book 4 happened), Nanoha Vivid, A Certain Scientific Railgun, Soul Eater, Senran Kagura, the list goes on. Sadly, there aren’t too many fanfics that have female characters doing shounen-esque things in them, few that hit any notes with me anyway.

And you know the saying: make the content you want to see.

So slowly, but surely I’ve been trying to write up some stories that have my favorite heroines duking it out with forces known and unknown in their series. I’ll spare you all the list I’ve written and attempted to write, but Touka Kirishima and Tokyo Ghoul were next on my list of action fanfics to write. And so... Rabid Avenger was born after 3 or 4 rewrites of the first chapter.

Just a quick summary, Rabid Avenger is something of a what-if/AU/Expansion of what Touka does after Part 1 on Tokyo Ghoul. Not wanting to feel helpless like she was during the raid on the 20th Ward, Touka moves to the 11th Ward where Aogiri is based to train herself to get stronger by hunting down CCG Investigators in the area, as well as deal with Aogiri directly after the mess they caused that led to Anteiku being destroyed. I plan for this fanfic to be something of a battle series with Touka facing off against not only CCG Investigators, but members of Aogiri as well as factions and powers beyond her start to move and she slowly pieces together what’s going on in the Ward.

Yeah, it’s really shounen by design, but I hope it’ll turn out well.

The Research Phase

This brings me to how exactly I write up most of my fanfics. Before I make any fanfic I usually take anywhere between 3 days to a little over a week to research the universe and lore of the series I’m writing. I read up on namely the characters I want to use, the world’s power/magic system, a general plot synopsis on what happens before and after the canon point I’m writing at, and the list goes on depending on where I want to take the story. I do most of my research by reading the wiki page of whatever series I’m writing the fanfic for to an almost religious point. I practically have the Tokyo Ghoul wiki bookmark at this point I’ve been to the site so often. Rabid Avenger took about a week and a half before I started writing the fanfic, and I still go back to just make sure I’m consistent with how the characters behave and the terms I use.

In terms of researching characters for Rabid Avenger I looked up information on Touka, Renji, Ayato, Eto, Akira, and Roma as I plan on having these 6 be the main cast. 

And boy, as someone that said they weren’t planning on reading :Re I got spoiled by a quite a bit of things. 

Literally every character I just listed makes some big move or has some big twist to them in the second series. It was... shocking to say the least, given what I wanted to do with some of these character, Ayato and Roma especially, but I think I can still make it work despite... spoiler things throwing a bit of a wrench in the works for some meet-ups and battles I want to make happen. 

The next thing I researched were the kagune and quinque. This was mostly to make sure I could properly write how they could be used in battle strategies, namely Touka’s. I still find this to be a compelling battle system. Every kagune has a strength and weakness, as well as a way to cover up that weakness, and every quinque is just as unique if not more. I haven’t had a chance to write about battle strategy in this specific fanfic yet, but this’ll probably be the most challenging part due to Touka’s personality. Touka isn’t a person that really makes plans when fighting, usually going by instinct, so a lot of the battle strategy will more than likely come from her enemies more than herself and her constantly paying for her rash behavior. It’s something I can use for character development as she slowly becomes a smarter fighter. 

And lastly, for this fanfic I actually didn’t have to look up too much in terms of plot synopsis, as this takes place after Part 1 of Tokyo Ghoul ends and I have a physical copy of the series at arms reach. If anything, I have to look back at the first few chapters to get an idea of how Touka fights and acts in tense situations, but this part of the research really didn’t need much... well, research. 

Writing Phase

So once all the research is done I get to writing. That’s usually just me locking myself in my room and forcing myself to write something until I come up with a 1000-word draft, then I edit it, adding bits here and there, contextualizing everything, adding some more character into each paragraph and dialogue, stuff like that. Then I proofread it once or twice (or thrice), then post.

...

...

...

Yeah, that’s right folks, a lot of the writing process is just forcing yourself to write. 

A quick tangent before I continue, but something that’s always bugged me in certain writing circles is the idea of waiting for inspiration to come to you before write. Folks, I can honestly say that if you want to write a story or essay or anything, you have to force it out. Inspiration and the like will come when you’re about half way through writing your work when you start seeing more paragraphs in the first draft and less dialogue, or as you go through the editing process and just start adding bits. This very essay I’m writing now was just a few short 3 paragraphs I forced myself to jot down before getting to the editing process and now it’s over ten paragraphs and three parts. Just... lock yourself in your rooms and write if you want to write something.

But back on topic. 

Like I said before, Rabid Avenger’s first chapter went through about 3 or 4 drafts before I was happy with it. It mostly came down to where I wanted to end the first chapter. The idea I wanted to play in the first chapter was that Touka was currently a hunter and, well, avenger for the ghouls of the 11th Ward that couldn’t defend themselves, give her a sympathetic cause for people to latch onto. We already know that Aogiri enslaves weaker ghouls and forces them into their fold, so having Touka being something of a vigilante against them seemed like a good way to get people to root for her. Once I established that I ended the chapter with something temporarily upset the status quo I had built up. Nothing that changes the plot, but introducing Akira helped add a bit of tension to the situation. This idea comes from a youtuber of the channel Overly Sarcastic Productions: establish normality, then take it away. I’ll admit, beginnings are never my forte when it comes to writing, and I always end up hating mine, but I think this concept helps me a little when it comes to dealing with my openings.

And finally, the proofreading phase. This is the hardest part since I’m still catching errors after the third reread and even after a fourth or fifth I still see error. Hell, you guys have probably found three or four in this essay, but... them’s the breaks I guess, it’s just a weakness of mine that I’m slowly, but surely getting better at.

Writing Fight Scenes

This is probably something I could go on about for paragraphs, but I’ll keep this short. Like I said before, I prefer writing, reading, and watching more action focused stories in a way similar to shounen. In terms of writing, I think the best thing I’ve read so far that hits my niche taste in terms of combat writing is currently the light novel series Magical Girl Raising Project. The fights in that series are usually done both in a surprisingly realistic fashion and written in a way that is paced well. 

With this fanfic specifically I think the only hard part is properly writing in how kagune and quinque will play a part in the combat. And thankfully, I don’t have to worry about the pacing a fight being killed due to some flashier, bombastic power system that’ll have me be describing energy blasts and DBZ beam struggles. I think the flashiest thing in Part 1 was the concept of the kakuja, and I don’t plan on making that much of a thing in the fanfic in terms of combat, so I think I’m good there. 

Ah, but back on topic. Despite my love and experience in writing them, fight scenes can be difficult to properly write since describing a lot of the flash ruins the pacing of the fight as a reader reads it. The best way to keep the tension and pacing a fight is to keep things short in terms of action, using the “hardest” adjectives you can, understanding that most fights end in only a few hits unless it’s something like a sanctioned MMA match or the like. Most of the advice I got for writing action comes from this post here, but a quick summary is to just remember IRL fights are quick and nasty, some liberties can be taken for the sake of narrative and flash, but just remember to keep them believable to an extent. 

I mean, we’re talking about anime characters that can tank getting tossed into a wall and walk it off like it’s nothing after all, especially in a series as violent and brutal as Tokyo Ghoul.

Cameos

This is something I do specifically for my fanfics. When I need a character for something and no one in the immediate case can fit it for some reason I’ll usually stick in a Cameo of something that can. I did this a lot in my fanfic, Reversal Princess by using obscure fighting game characters for Aoi Umenokoji to fight and be rivals with since I couldn’t logically have Brad Burns just randomly appear in Japan and bug Aoi, and I... kinda’ forgot a Akira Yuki existed until around chapter 6. So, I had Yuka Takeuchi from Variable Geo be Aoi’s friendly rival for awhile, and played around with the fact that she canonically had siblings to make a more hostile rival in the form of Kuro, who’s based off of Kasumi Todoh from KoF. 

Tokyo Ghoul is a little trickier since the cast is already large enough as is. You’d think that would mean I wouldn’t have stick in OCs or cameos, but I actually do. See, since Touka is, well, killing CCG and Aogiri members I can’t really use too many named cast members as fodder for her to kill. Akira is meant to be a main antagonist for Touka to hate and want to kill, not be killed off in the beginning as the first villain. So, I’ll have to make a few other characters to be the fodder/villains of the week for Touka to take out before having any main cast member outside of Akira and Eto being a real opponent. I’ve already got a few ideas in terms of what characters I’ll be using. I don’t want to spoil anything, but I’ll just say they’re from some niche JRPGs I’ve been playing for the last few months or so.

General Writing Stuff

Before I close out this little essay I think I’ll just talk about some writing things and my short (read: blunt) opinions on certain aspects of writing and how I write in general.

The next time I read the phrase “said is dead” I’m blocking that blog. Said is not dead, it’s a perfectly fine verb to use when characters are just casually talking and you need to reaffirm who’s speaking what line in a conversation.

While I personally use adverbs sparingly for the sake of flow in my combat scenes I don’t see an issue with them so long as they aren’t over used. This allergic reaction to seeing adverbs is just stupid.

Purple prose is the spawn of Satan himself and people need to understand that more words do not equal a better story.

Why literally every action fanfic featuring that one side character in that obscure series I like is in Indonesian I will never know. That’s not a writing thing, that’s just me whining.

And I believe that’s it for this Dictator’s Works. Hopefully chapter 3 will wrap up before the end of this week. I’m still in the process of editing, so... who knows how long that’ll take. Seeing how this essay took all day I’m gonna’ take a break and play some Under Night In-Birth again, hopefully actually beat a Gordeau this time around online. In any case, I’ll see you all later.

[sahibookworm]

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everyone who are celebrating today … !!!!!! What a perfect day for this post.

When Laura @ Thebookcorps tagged me for this, I thought how wonderful and apt it was towards the end of the year, because so many bloggers like me are a bit reticent about talking about our own posts and promoting them. So, thank you so much Laura for creating this tag so that we all can reflect on our blogging journey this 2019 and look back at some of our favorite posts. Do checkout her blog for more amazing posts.

RULES:

All the answers must be about your blog posts

Please link the original creator of the tag so Laura can see all your posts!

You don’t have to provide just one post for each question, you can provide as many as you want so long as they were written in 2019

If you haven’t written a post that matches one of the questions, choose one that relates to it as close as possible

Tag 5+ bloggers to they can share their accomplishments too! And make sure you read the posts they share!

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK REVIEW?

This is very hard to answer because I love writing book reviews and love most of what I write (even though they are just okay). So, I’ll just select a few which I love going back to, to motivate myself to write even better.

The review of Red, White and Royal Blue is my highest viewed post of the year, so I would be remiss not to include it here. It’s also my favorite book of the year, and I tried to pour all my feelings into it. I’m not someone who is able to translate my emotions into words, so my reviews read like essays but I still think this was not badly written. I also think this is probably my longest review ever.

Both Good Talk and The (Other) F Word are books that spoke to a part of me – one about being a brown women in the US, and the other about being a fat woman. These books affected me profoundly and that’s why their reviews are where I’ve probably talked the most about myself. So, I don’t know if these are some of the best reviews I’ve written, but they truly reflect my thoughts and experiences.

She Said and Catch and Kill are both phenomenal books about the Harvey Weinstein sexual harassment scandal, the #MeToo movement and an overall look at how power structures work in the world to silence women. I don’t think I can do justice to the work of these brilliant journalists but I think I managed to write my thoughts about them in an articulate manner.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE DISCUSSION POST?

I’m not someone who writes discussion posts at all because I’m pretty scared of voicing my opinion on any hot topics. I feel I am not thoughtful enough to weigh in on important matters, and I’m also scared to be wrong or offend anyone. However, there’s one post I would love to talk more about.

I went to the Baltimore Book Festival a couple of weeks ago, and it was the most amazing experience I had in 2019. I was so happy being among book lovers and authors, listening to them discuss the best things about books and reading. And I couldn’t resist writing about my experience (click here for the very long post). This post is really a labor of love and I think I’m quite proud of it.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE FUN POST?

(By “fun post” I mean a post that doesn’t fall under a particular category like reviews, discussions or tags do.)

As you might have already guessed, I’m not a very fun person by nature and that’s not the vibe you’ll get from my posts (sorry…). But there are a couple posts I managed to write which I thought were quite fun, in the sense that they got a lot of engagement and everyone seemed to enjoy discussing them.

I borrowed the idea of Guess that Book by the Cover from Charvi @ Not Just Fiction because I thought it was amazing and I had so much fun writing it. And if you look at the comments section, I think many of you had fun guessing the books too…!! What more can I want….

Popular Series I Probably Won’t Read is the kind of post that can be a lot of fun to wrote (I did) but also something that can offend readers if they find their favorite books on my list. But all of you are very sweet and supportive and just told me about your love for the books I didn’t wanna read but no one tried to convince me. It was definitely a very fun topic to discuss.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK RECOMMENDATION POST?

I’ve always been scared to write recommendation posts because I feel why would anyone want to read my recs. But I have finally gotten over myself and scheduled two rec posts, but unfortunately they don’t post until later next month. And that’s why, I have only one similar post I can talk about here.

If you know me at all, you know that I have grown up reading the Mahabharata and various versions of it. So, during our India Lit Readathon in July, I wrote this post about all my favorite Mahabharata novels, retellings and reimaginings – and I can’t tell you how much satisfaction it gave me writing about it.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK/BOOKISH PHOTO?

These three pictures are from my trip to Boston where I got to visit the absolutely stunning Boston Public Library (with it’s gorgeous reading room) and two Harvard Book stores which were my favorite part of the vacation.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ORIGINAL IDEA/BLOG POST?

Not many ideas are truly original in our community because we do tend to discuss similar topics all the time, so I won’t presume that these posts are without any inspiration. But I did think of them without really seeing them being done by anyone else, so I guess they qualify.

As someone who is not at all adventurous in my reading choices, I had a lot of fun wondering why some of the books mentioned in this post – Unlikely Books on my TBR – were even on my radar. And true to form, I’ve only managed to read one of them and have no clue if I’ll ever get to the others.

As someone who mostly reads hyped books, I loved writing this post about all the Books I Read due to Hype – and how many of them I actually ended up liking or hating. My initial list was very long but I think I managed to make it small and readable.

WHAT’S YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE BLOG POST YOU WROTE THIS YEAR?

All the reviews I mentioned above and the Mahabarata post are some of my favorite posts of the year. I have many other review posts which I loved writing but I don’t think I wanna go on and on about them. But there’s one which I think is my absolute favorite because of what it means to me.

In probably my most personal post ever titled Books That Have Defined my Reading Life, I talked about all the books that have affected me and defined me as a person in the three decades of my life and I think if you want to know me better, you should start from this post.

HAVE YOU REACHED ANY BLOGGING ACHIEVEMENTS THIS YEAR?

I finally reached 1000 followers on the blog and as someone who never thought it would happen,  it made me very very ecstatic and I can’t describe in words how I felt when I crossed the milestone.

And while I never had any other major goals as far as blogging is concerned, this current post is my 240th of the year and as I’m very sure that I’ll complete 250 in 2019, I’m very satisfied that I have been able to post so consistently and still enjoying it.

I Tag:

Krisha || Dany || Ahana || Shalini || Sohinee || Meaghan || Jane || All bloggers who would love to look back on their blogging year.

  My Favorite 2019 Blogging Moments Tag HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everyone who are celebrating today ... !!!!!! What a perfect day for this post.

[jenroses]

Current WIP status

It’s my 45th birthday today, and thus time to take stock in what I’ve been doing and what I’m working on this year. 

Since January of 2016, I have written more than 360,000 words of fiction. This does not include blog posts, lengthy essays or most of what I do here on Tumblr. I passed a lifetime total of 1,000,000 words in early January. 

More importantly, since Christmas I have written over 80k, despite my first known massive RA flare. I’ve started chemo for that, and steroids, and so if I seem to have a sense of urgency about writing right now, it’s because I’m not sure how long I’m going to have functional hands. 7 weeks and 80 k, or an average of 1500 words a day, roughly. Keep in mind that on a good day, with my hands flying, I can hit anywhere from 5-10 k. This is me poking at one story or another every night for a few hours. I took 2 months almost completely off from writing fiction last year and still averaged over 1000 words per day on the days I did work. 

I like who I am better when I’m writing regularly. So with that, the story roll:

Healing Rules (Check, Please!): Back burner, gestating. Chapters 6-9 are going to be heavily political and intense and I would be ready to start working on them, except the story is at a really good pause point and two other projects are taking more of my attention. Will finish. Eventually. Should you read up to the current point? YES. If it weren’t for the fact that a) I know what happens next and b) the chapter names are too good to put in a different fic, the “next part” would be a separate story.  http://archiveofourown.org/series/447310 for the whole series. Word count 146,995. (six stories)

Translations on Ice (Series, Yuri!!! on Ice)

So all stories that are posted are complete, but there are TWO more in progress, neither posted at all. 65k has already been posted in four stories.

Translations: Termination is the story of Yuuri and Victor in Russia. I haven’t decided how far it will stretch, but it’s MOST likely to go from their first night to their wedding. 2700 words written.

The other story I’m working on in the same series but which is NOT in sequence because it focuses on Yuri P, is Transition: Puberty. This is more character study. There may be other Transition stories. 3925 words written

Nitty gritty of this series: I’m playing up the political relative to the series (which the creator flat out states takes place in a world where homophobia does not exist and where clearly Russia and Japan have close enough political ties that someone can go between one and the other without a visa), downplaying it a bit compared to reality (because certain things that happen in the show require a lot of liberties to be taken to handwave, Russia is awful right now for LGBT people and I can’t write how bad it is and still work on my other stuff. YOI is my happy place right now.) 

I’m writing Victor as gay, Yuuri as very strongly demi and increasingly nonbinary, and Yurio as aro/ace but also in desperate need of nonsexual physical contact, and agender, with significant body dysphoria in regards to the whole concept of puberty (i.e. he’s not wild about gender in general and is really pissed off at the changes in his body.) 

And then there’s A ‘Lon Story

This one is in my own original universe, and you’re going to be hearing about this a lot. I’ve been working on the backstory in theory for 7 years, gestating the ideas and working to understand the science involved. Now I’m actually writing the backstory of the backstory. My ideal would be to get a couple artists working on it intensely and start with “just the backstory”, a webcomic that explains the main characters... but current events and a burning need to get things going have sent me farther into the backstory, and I’m writing that out and have a number of people who are pitching in with asking important questions and even filling in details that I don’t feel a burning need to fill in. 

This thing hasn’t been published and already fanfic exists (in the margin notes, I’m not even kidding). 

So I’m not exactly sure how this is going to go, but I may start throwing chapters and shorts up on Patreon to build enough funding to hire artists directly so that people can prioritize the art. 

It’s an important story about how the world might end and how we might save it. I’ve been calling it “science fiction so hard it crunches”, but it also ends up being really, really political. And it feels urgent, in part because, due to the outcome of the last election, my off-the-cuff prediction for when the world starts to end is in 2020. (well, now, really, but it’s really going to hit the fan in 2020.)

This was supposed to be the AU. 

If you’re curious and want to get in on the ground floor of worldbuilding, this thing may be simply too big for me to do alone. PM me, and you, too, can yell at me in margin notes about the last Freshman Class of the last university on Earth, and an autistic woman who saves humanity because she just can’t stand dealing with people. 

[douchebagbrainwaves]

THE POOLED-YEAR LANGUAGE

That suggests how weird this process is accelerating, so presumably will the rate of income tax, the more of a disadvantage. Mods The most obvious is that they're telling the truth, you select one and try to figure that out. You shouldn't simply ignore rejection. If you want to go with your gut. One thing YC-funded startups after Demo Day or die. For you, and they're usually paid a percentage of it. We try to avoid the fatal pinch, but how fuzzy it is. But there were moments when he was optimistic. But, at least some cases the writing teachers were transformed in situ into English professors. Incumbents faced new competitors as a markets went global and b technical innovation started to trump economies of scale, turning size from an asset into a liability.

The danger here is that people don't learn merely to get a lot of startup culture is Apple culture. Samuel Johnson seems to have been burned by such disputes probably had misgivings, which they generally are in startups. In programming, as in most fields are written by people who are poor or rich and figure out whether they're good or bad? At one point in this essay, Richard Florida told me how he had once talked to a VC with a new idea. To some degree, it offers a way around these limitations. Or more precisely, a huge increase in variation in productivity, it's probably not because everyone is Thomas Edison. Microsoft. Programming. The restrictiveness of big company jobs is particularly hard on programmers, because the rich have just had to do, and can also do more for users. If you say right out of college to start a startup now, because the top VC firms, because of the huge amounts they raised at the end of my day these meetings are never an interruption. Design your product to please VCs or potential acquirers.

To many people, Lisp is a powerful technique even within applications. Http://localhost/home/patrick/Documents/programming/python%20projects/UlyssesRedux/corpora/unsorted/ind. That's the essence of what scholars did then, it became my only laptop. Designing systems of great mathematical elegance sounds a lot more frightening in those days there was no such thing as business. But I have no way to reply. Whereas now the phrase already read seems almost ill-formed. We need to add one more qualification: we should ignore cases where someone knows what to do very much. It's hard to predict now, I'd take the US system. If big companies weren't plagued by internal inefficiencies, they'd be plugging together big Lego blocks of Word-language. Eratosthenes. At least, that's the real recipe. Using a slightly tweaked as described below Bayesian filter, we now miss less than 5 per 1000 spams, with 0 false positives.

And yet bullshit does have a distinctive character. People tell the craziest lies about me. Their craziness is the craziness of the idle everywhere. It doesn't make a product. 17. But there is no way to opt out. Sometimes I can't think of them as pairs of what you're measuring is artifacts of the fakeness. But spammers haven't yet made a serious effort.

People reply to dumb jokes with dumb jokes. But be careful what you ask for. And no doubt that will happen this time too. In most domains, talent is overrated compared to determination—partly because their motivations are obscure, but partly because they could reproduce bugs instead of just doing the default thing. They would say that. A throwaway program is something that can be implicit should be; the syntax should be terse to a fault. They work in cosy, neighborhoody places with people around and somewhere to walk when they need to see what focus overlooks. When the things you shouldn't do it. I've seen. Yahoo after they bought our startup I went to work for the same reason models avoid cheeseburgers.

And since bad uses of patents seem to be superficial reasons. The public markets snap startup investing around like a whip. It says a great deal of control. The articles are full of descriptions of problems that need to be rewritten. The kind of power programmers care about may not be easy, and common, to the founders. If we think of the overall cost of owning it. Because in the twentieth century, Europeans looked back on the summer of 2005, had eight startups in it. RTML became a kind of learning, based on disasters that have happened to any bigger than a cell. One of the most pointless of all the successful applicants is measured, and c spends countless hours in front of a group of three friends have built a prototype that gives one a taste of what their product will do, but it's better for everyone. Without the prospect of an immediate reward to motivate you. Ordinary users shouldn't even know the words operating system, because the younger you are, in the course of technology, so much the better, if all fifty million go to you. Sometimes we advise founders to vest so there will be ten JetBlues.

Why? What's different about religion is that people work a lot harder. But what they're really saying is they want both. Working for a small one, and you have misgivings about them, trust your gut. Every talk I give ends up being, I think we're better off attacking one step downstream, where wealth turns into power. Feel free to make it a bestseller for a few key phrases and the names of built-in Common Lisp, some delimiters are reserved for the language, which do you think most will choose? In 1450 it was filled with the kind of problem that good people like to be able to work hard to find successful adults now who don't claim to have invented a new language, but what if he wanted to do any amount of time you have to choose between something that's cheap, heavily marketed, and appealing in the short term. He said that in most types of work that depend more on energy and imagination, but they don't like you, but if they did that they'd really be a product company that's merely being extra attentive to a customer support person who not only knew everything about the product. The dream language is beautiful, clean, and terse. A company like that can move much more easily than one with a little bruise. So why did they even evolve?

[aurimeanswind]

Back on the Saddle—Sunday Chats (12-10-17)

Woohoo! Let’s get back on it!

Hey I Stopped Writing

So, as intended, I stopped writing on Wednesday, and I’ve taken a few days off. I think I’ll continue to take some much needed time off, but it’s been an exceptionally weird few days since then.

If you missed it, I wrote this very person feature, finally taking my more personal writings to IrrationalPassions.com, about what the experience for writing 1000 days has been. Check it out here:

http://irrationalpassions.com/feature-learned-lost-pained-in-1000-days-of-writing/

I have been holding off on writing since then and I’ll say, it’s been exceptionally weird. Not writing on Sunday was actually the weirdest thing I think I have done in a really long time. I had that itch, and that craving, and it hasn’t gone away. Making this thing I’ve been doing habitual was always the goal, but to take the time off actually puts it in perspective and lets me appreciate it. That itch to make, and create, and do is still there all these days later, and it’s become a part of me. I don’t see it ever going away.

But also there is so much less stress about. Fighting my procrastinating has always been a struggle for me in all the seven years I’ve been making stuff on the internet, and now I feel like I am in an era after it. But I thought the same with writing, and it resulted in bad habits like not releasing things, not editing things, and not finishing things, so we’ll see if it really pays off. But I’m hopeful. 

I’m also significantly less stressed than I was. There was this pressure to make and do things and be a part of that creation every day, and even with Sunday Chats now, I don’t have to feel that overwhelming pressure anymore, and it’s kind of great. This was the right decision, and I’m really happy to be in a new era of creation for myself.

Thank you to everyone who took a little bit of time out of their day to congratulate me for hitting 1000 days of writing. You all have no idea how much that means to me. To think people are following along this saga with me and watching me create and do things. It honestly moves me to my core. That piece I wrote was very real, very true, and very honest, and it’s one of my proudest writings that has been out there. Thank you all. For reading.

Always.

What I’ve Been Working On

It’s been a minute for a check in with this! So I wanted to give everyone a little preview of the new year. I’m sure I’ll touch on this stuff again soon, but to give you a preview:

I have finished writing a book. The book is entirely about a specific video game from this year, and it’s a collection of essay/article-style writings. I need to find an artist to help me make a cover for it and get it edited, but I’m hoping it’ll be out in early 2018!

I am working on a brand new podcast that I actually want to start. I’ll likely announce it in January as opposed to actually start it then. I’ve had this idea for a very, very long time, but it’s time to put it into action. Once I am cleared of GOTY content, I will be announcing it, and I intend for the first episode to release in February.

Video has been on my mind a lot lately, and I’m excited to get back into it. What exactly I’ll be doing... Well, more Alex Talks, that’s for sure. But I want to change things up. And I want to make it more consumable. I always want to do real, strict video essays, and that’s going to be a new endeavor going forward. We’ll see how it turns out.

There is a TON of great Game of the Year content coming from Irrational Passions, from the written word, to our content, to guest content, and the team has all been exceptional with helping me put this together. It’ll start rolling out at the end of this month, and I can’t wait for you all to see it!

What’s on Tap

There are honestly too many games to talk about, so I’ll just focus on the one I played today, which is Pyre. 

I talked about my other games on Friday’s podcast, so listen to that for my full thoughts on things like Wolfenstein 2 and Death of the Outsider. 

Pyre seems very good. I have pretty much just played the content I saw when I played it initially at PAX East 2016, and previewed it there. It was limitlessly impressive then, and continues to impress now. Its blend of visual novel-esque gameplay and weird, sporty-action is awesome, and so unlike anything else out there. As far as games that do new things, it is a standout in a year that is full of things like that. 

I like the characters, I love the art, and I love the world, I’m really stoked to play more!

I’m also probably going to play some of that Monster Hunter World Beta tonight so god wish me luck.

Questions

I’ve been playing some goddamn video games!

It’s been surreal and I’ve wanted to stop and write and I’ve honestly had to force myself not to. I know that may seem counterintuitive to some, but It’s been really helpful to get some distance from this boot-camp style creation process.

But I finished a couple of things last week and I’m excited to continue going through games and finishing them in preparation for GOTY.

WE AER CONFIRMED FOR PHILLY!

The BrO-C is having a holiday get together and y’all should be excited.

I think I have and I haven’t. I think I fall into a lucky category that a wide swath of genres hit with me and resonate with me in a big way. I can sit down and really appreciate the five hour Call of Duty campaigns, but I can also play a Cuphead and get lost in it, and dig into Hearthstone for a few weeks, or lose myself to Animal Crossing Pocket Camp for a week or two on top of that. I love a multitude of genres, but this year has specifically hit with me as two sequels to my two favorite franchises in games were released: Persona and Zelda.

I think there is always a difficulty with representations in games to players. Like, I am also a white dude, and there are a ton of games trying to get to me, but I’m happy to say that this year definitely felt different, and many of my favorite games starred not white dudes. And that’s great! So I think your feelings of games not hitting with you is not alone.

But I think in those circumstance I try and challenge myself to new things even more. Things outside of my comfort zone. For me, the biggest one this year was Doki Doki Literature Club, which made me very uncomfortable, but paid off a lot, and also Wolfenstein 2, which going into I thought I wouldn’t like, and ultimately it didn’t work for me, but I’m glad I tried it.

Lean into your niches for the comfort food, and explore out of them for something that will (hopefully) surprise you. But don’t write of games that you haven’t played just because you didn’t like previous entries. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. Time to look and see!

I mean for me it’s still the jump from SD to HD. But also the jump from 2D and 3D. I want to believe some HDR shit will change my life, but the more I hear about it the more it turns me off, honestly? Like I’m not surrounded by 4K HDR TVs and I don’t want the more placid experience to be “ruined” for me or anything.

OOOOH! 

I love Christmas. Winter is my favorite season.

OMG.

Okay, so like definitely go on a cute walk through a lights-of-some-kind-celebration, so we have the Festival of Lights here in Maryland. Get some scarves and hot cocoa and go nuts!

Fireside cuddling, for sure.

And Gingerbread lattes from starbucks because they’ll make you fat and holiday ready and also taste like Christmas.

More enthusiastic, honestly! I think the biggest thing I took away from my 1000th day of writing was that it... well, it just felt like all the other days, ya know? There was nothing special about the act that day, aside from all the congratulations. The day after, where I didn’t write, that was the weird one. The special one.

Since my hunger for writing has been building a while, I’m excited to do this. To make this tentpole remain so. And I love Sunday Chats so much, so it’s definitely a big boon to it.

I’ve talked a lot about this on shows, but the Game Awards was excellent. A great show all around.

PSX was fine. It was not a press conference, and was more of a panel, what they had said it would be, so I think it was definitely more fun for the folks there. 

The big stickers with me are HD MediEvil, which I am SUPER stoked for. Loved the game from before, and I hope they bring up the second one too since I love it even more, and that new Campo Santo game looks great. From Software can make whatever at this point and I am probably on board. It’s probably Tenchu, apparently, but I’m still in.

I’ve touched on it already, but it’s definitely been a bit of a shock to the system. I love all the questions about it! Makes me think folks really care ;)

JAPAN.

MAKE AND ASSASSIN’S CREED IN NINJA JAPAN.

PLEASE.

But for real probably 1800s London. I didn’t even play that one but it sounds awesome.

Well, I mean I don’t know. I have partially convinced myself that I definitely dont inspire others, even if there is evidence to the contrary, because I mean... it’s just too crazy for me to believe otherwise. Humbling? I guess?

And I have not realized that. I think I touched on this in my 1000 days piece. I think if that was your takeaway, you missed the point. Even when it feels like nothing is impossible, factors come in that will change that perspective. And holding onto that humility will keep you strong in your weakest moments. And somedays, the most impossible will feel so until it isn’t, and the possible will be very much so until it’s suddenly impossible.

Remember that. Because it hurts when that rug is pulled from under you.

47.

YES. VERY EXCITED FOR THIS QUESTION.

Spoilers, we’ve talked extensively about this, but I’m excited to share my answers here.

So.

Here we go.

With some wiggle room.

Earth Kingdom - Ravenclaw

There is this know-it-all cockiness that I think fits across both of them, and I think there is also this tried and true brilliance as well. There is an established empire of the Earth Kingdom, and it lines up with what Ravenclaw’s ideals would have been. There is also a rigidness to their way of movement, and I think it lines up with the rigidness of Rowena’s belief in knowledge. 

Fire Nation - Slytherin

I think this could EASILY be Griffindor as well, I want to say that up front. 

The two have this kind of strength from within that they draw from, that breath that the fire comes from. And I think the kind of natural jealous of the Fire Lord to the Avatar is similar to Salazar’s jealousy of Godric that brought about that divide, and brought about the Fire Nation that we see in The Last Airbender. There is also a great cunning and brilliant there too, and that can’t be undersold. But there is this feeling of inclusiveness that I can’t shake.

Water Nation - Gryffindor

In a similar way, there is this ego and overconfidence that the Northern Water Tribe holds that puts them in this camp. I could see this swapped with the Fire Nation, like before, as I think Gryffindor/Slytherin are the most similar of all the houses. But there is this idiocy and bravery beautifully melded together there, and a fluidity of response to the water bender’s movement that lines up with the bold and headstrong Gryffindors. 

Air Nation - Hufflepuff

The crowd pleasers. The people-loves. The pacifists. It lines up with the feelings I think are true to what Helena had in mind, but there is a self-loyalty there too. This idea of trying to deflect conflict down really resonates with Air Benders I think, and a loyalty to their own ideals. They were monks who rigidly followed that, and I see that very deeply.

Jazz I LOVE this question so damn much. Folks should tweet at her your thoughts too!

I know this was a bit briefer a Sunday Chats, but I have a ton of stuff I still need to do and get done tonight, but thank you so much for reading.

I will keep trucking along and keep making cool things, but please, keep reading, and letting me know what you think.

I’ll keep writing, but beyond that, I’ll keep talking, and podcasting, and tweeting, and making video, and making an argument for games, because really, it’s all I know how to do.

All I ask you to do, is

keep it real.

(And please Buy Okami HD)