#when I get to show how much I love reading narry fics

[idkymhere]

i love reading narry fanfics, can you recommend a few? help a girl out please!

ooohhh I have read sooo many (you’ll see what I mean after you read this entire ask), this might be long, take a seat

I’ll only some of my fav (that I’ve read more than once) and that are finished

1. Heart on the line series by acastle (68k) I loooooove this series so much!!!, its my favorite ever (Heartbreak hero and sunshine hotline)

2. Firelight Will Catch Us by missingheadache (31k) This one is quite new and its a chaptered fic. Niall and Harry get married while drunk in Vegas.

3. Last First Kiss by NarryMusings (56k) also chaptered... and I only read it once but I loved it soooo much, its so angsty and slow burn... I’m not prepared to go through that again lmao. So Niall is in a long term relationship but falls in love with harry.

4. Intensified by Absence by littlecather (39k) time traveler harry... you probably have read this already but its one of the best out there. I love littlecather’s so much, well the narry ones

5. i'll keep moving (through the dark) series by outwardbound93 (204k) Also one of my fav authors... I love this series, so angsty. 3 works: take me with you, waiting to turn the tide and don’t let me go. Niall and Harry pretend to date, fall in love but harry is not ready. looots of miscommunication but happy ending.

6.  i'm gonna break on, break on through by goreallegore (47k) ooohhh ths one is so good, niall goes solo after the band goes on hiatus. Its so similar to real events but was wrtten before the break started. Two chapters, lots of angst and one of my favs.

7. Uncertainty Principle by jibrailis (87k) I know... I read a lor of long ass fics but I just love reading. This one shows Asshole!Harry for a little bit, but I love it. Harry jumps to the future to fix his past and goes to Australia to find niall.

8. Feelings Stay the Same by catrinahart (83k) its chaptered -5- and so good, harry broke niall’s heart but comes back to get him back.

9. boy wonder(ed) by acastle (54k) acastle is honestly one of my fav narry authors. During the band’s hiatus Niall stars in a movie and Harry comes back to his life. 

10. only time is ours series by littlecather (196k) its the amnesia fic we all know about, I love it so much and I cry every single time I read either of the fics (I forget where we were, up in your room and our slates are clean and salt in the sand)

11. once in your life by wearecities (falsetto) (13k) Niall and harry make a marriege pac. It’s one of the best, so cute and fluffly

12. I have loved you (since we were 18) by NarryMusings (26k) narry’s love story

13. When Harry Met Niall by wishfulwannabe (8k) when harry met sally au, so good. 

14. Of first words, etched into skin series by NarryMusings (17k) Au where you have your soulmates’ first words to you tattoed on your skin. You have to read the first to understand the second one but I put the series on this list only bc of the second work (I fucking -hate- love you) its angsty and I seriously cry every time I read this. 

15. you don't need me anymore by outwardbound93 (38k) literally one of the best narry fic out there. Niall is a dad and harry helps him out. 

16. the parting line by from (61k) au in whichh niall and harry get married for a year... they are childhood friends and its slow burn but great

17. The Wedding Crasher by BakerGrey (26k) i loooooove this one so much. Au where niall is getting married but his ex boyfriend casually drops a few days before the wedding. 

18. Happens All Too Fast by aguantare (15k) 6 chapters and soo good, narry are law students and a lil bit stupid about each other.

19. we'll be strangers by fakedolls (24k) YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS OMG, reincarnation fic, so niall and harry are meant to be and keep finding each other in different lifes. 

20. I’ll keep your heart safe by NarryMusings (42k) i cannot tell you how much ive cried reading this, i love it. Harry was dating niall only to steal his family diamond. This is the sequel tho

21. Baby, I by makesomelove (23k) do I need to say anything...? just read this if you havent

22. Denial series by NarryMusings (22k) again this amazing writer. I love ths one, i love me angst

23. Broken-Hearted Boy by NarryMusings (11k) lovely

24. Once an Addict by NarryMusing (20k) I LOVE IT it’s beautiful and has angst and it’s literally perfect 

25. What's A Fella T' Do? by iwanna_seeyou_undoit (35k) AND OF COURSE THIS ONE HAD TO BE HERE, this fic is sooooo good, like you dont understand. I love from star to finish, its so cute and then angsty and narry pretending to date is the best shit in the world

Also, I got this ask a few years ago with more of my fav narry fics 

And I made this post ages ago with even more narry fics 

you can also go to my rec page on(? my blog... I used to reblog lots of fics (24 pages... 10 posts each... a lot of fanfiction omg)

I hope you enjoy these and that you havent read all of them lmao, but im pretty sure that there are like 250+ fics in this answer 

[lululawrence]

Hi! I just got done reading No One Likes to be Alone and I loved it! You mention at the beginning that you love nesting fics so if you don't mind sharing I would love to know what your favorite nesting fics are.

ahhhhhhhh thank youuuuu! and YES I SURE DO!!! oh there are some excellent ones out there. let’s see... favorites are hard for me, but here’s the best I can do for you (i’m grouping them by pairing, because most are larry, but not all... and please know that my absolute favorite nesting fic of all isn���t on this list because it was deleted and i CRY):

Larry

There's No Other Place by @nikogda - I LOVE THIS FIC VERY MUCH A LOT. i mean... hybrid a/b/o nesting. perfection! the entire world building in this fic is so incredibly detailed and cool and the VIBE is amazing. everything is fleshed out and so unique and interesting, but the incredibly personal vibe of the nesting!!!! i cannot even explain how much i love it. louis thinks he’s being SO SNEAKY and he is NOT but that’s okay. haha anyway, a great fic for sure and while the nesting isn’t the most important aspect, it’s definitely more than just a minor detail.

When Tomorrow Comes by @jacaranda-bloom - ALPHA. NESTING. ALPHA NESTING. HOW BRILLIANT???? i honestly could NOT believe i had struck gold when i saw this post hahaha i’d never even considered??? the WORLDS this fic opened for me, and it was done so so brilliantly. niall is sooooo shady, and poor harry doesn’t have a clue it’s even happening, and omg i just... this fic is amazing and it’s because of dee that i’m going to be exploring alpha nesting in at least two of my nesting series fics that i’ll be writing at some point lol highest honors and five gold stars to dee.

We Both Got Nothing to Hide by @chloehl10 - A SECRET NEST. oh gosh louis is SO ASHAMED. and harry’s shit just keeps going missing. but louis NEEDS HIS NEST. a;sdkgha;sdlkfjas zayn of course is the one who figures it out, cause he’s smart like that, but oh gosh the emotions connected to nesting in this one and the complex kind of... shame almost? it’s a suuuuper interesting worldbuilding detail that i really enjoyed exploring in this fic

Do Not Falter (There's a Star Ahead) by @londonfoginacup​ - christmas eve desperate cuddles and nesting!!! i looooove how louis doesn’t even think twice, he just lets it happen and... sigh. yes. this one is just so soft, i love it.

The Nearness of You by @rockstarlouis - established relationship SUUUUPER PREGNANT nesting!!! there are a few fics on this list that immediately came to mind when you asked about my favs, and this is one of those. i rarely like to read established relationship fics for whatever reason, but this fic??? SO SOFT. SO LOVELY. AND THE DYNAMIC IS SO PERFECT. i just love how careful louis is with the nest. it is so wonderful. i adore.

Tastes like Strawberries by @sadaveniren - THE STRESSED NESTING! that turns into SO much more than harry expected and it’s just WONDERFUL. i love this fic so much, from the start of it to the way things go a bit differently from how they maybe traditionally do in omegaverse. it’s a really fun fic with some a+ nesting smut. hahaha

Safety Nest by @lululawrence - I KNOW i’m sorry i’m including myself haha but this was my first attempt at nesting, and i still love it very much a lot. my drabbles don’t get much attention or love (outside of emmu, because this one was written for her haha), so i just wanted to put it out there as a fic with some nesting. hehe so thank you for indulging me here

Ziam

If you let me be your man by @lightwoodsmagic​ - ooooomg this fic has me giggling just remembering how great it is. it’s got an aspect of embarrassment, because zayn is just SO out of it already and he doesn’t even realize it, and liam is so soft and lovely and more than willing to help him safely get home, but the misunderstanding! and zayn just wants liam in his nest so badly. it is SO VERY SWEET! but also silly and gahhhhh i might have to reread this one tonight, actually haha

Narry

a little tenderness by @disgruntledkittenface - listen, the impossible has been done. i now love narry, and it’s because of this fic. all i’m gonna say is ace alpha harry needs to help recently broken up omega niall through depri, and OHHHHH it’s soooo soft and perfect and i just screamed at her most of the time i was reading. It really is just absolute perfection and niall’s nest is just *chef’s kiss*

these are not in any way the only nesting fics out there, nor the only great ones. i did my best to only list favorites. i would also like to point you to a nesting rec that @londonfoginacup made, because she is my cohort in the quest for more nesting fics in this fandom. lollll you can find her wonderful rec here. and don’t forget to leave the authors kudos and nice comments to show appreciation for their hard work!

[jacaranda-bloom]

FIC WRITER QUESTIONS

Thank you to the lovely @allwaswell16 @runaway-train-works @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @uhoh-but-yeah-alright and @evilovesyou for tagging me to answer some questions about my writing.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

47

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

901,445 (Hoping to hit the Magic Million by the end of the year!)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

1 (One Direction)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

When Tomorrow Comes 1155

The Baby Whisperer 950

Love, Ever After 898

Harry Poppins 856

Play Me A Memory 760

More under the cut…

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh gosh. Uhm. I don’t really write angsty endings? All my fics have Happy Endings and most have epilogues to round them out and tie them up in a bow. Perhaps I’d say If You’re Out There (I’ll Find You Somehow) purely because (spoiler ahead) the epilogue is written 100 years into the future so they’ve both passed.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Interestingly, I would actually say the answer is the same as above, If You’re Out There (I’ll Find You Somehow). The epilogue is so uplifting and I cry happy tears every time I re-read it. It’s written from the POV of their granddaughter and you get to see the world they had a hand in changing for the better through her eyes, so you get a sense of how impactful their lives were on the rest of society. Oof, tearing up right now just thinking about it.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Yeah, I have actually. I really enjoy doing new takes on an existing universes, although they aren’t always the easiest thing to pull off tbh. I’m not sure which I would say is the craziest, but the hardest to write was definitely The Peter Pan/Hook AU.

Harry Poppins - Loosely based on the book/movie Mary Poppins, but without any magical aspects.

Playing To Win - Set in the Big Brother house.

The Pirate and The Piper - A Peter Pan/Hook AU which I took a lot of liberties with.

In The Still Of The Night - My Dirty Dancing AU.

A Hungry Heart - This is a Great British Bake Off AU that is due out in September for the Cliche Fic Fest!

8) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Whoa Nelly. Yeah, I do. All the time. Every fic actually. There’s only one, Exposed, the only fic I’ve published that’s not rated Explicit and doesn’t have smut. But, to be fair, the challenge was to write exactly 666 words and I still managed to get the implication in there. Plus, Louis was naked and Harry was applying body paint for the majority of the story, so like, I think I can get a free pass on that one - I tried!

In terms of what type of smut, I guess it varies depending on the story. I tend not to push the boat out too far, but I do dabble in BDSM in quite a few of my fics. A recurring theme in the comments I receive is that my smut scenes are well constructed and detailed, without being too tedious or drawn out, which is lovely feedback to get because they can be challenging to write.

9) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Absolutely. Every single one.

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not often, people are usually so kind, but there have been a couple.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of!

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah, quite a lot, particularly on Wattpad, all with my full consent. That said, I’m thinking of stopping this because it’s getting a bit out of hand and I’ve been feeling uncomfortable about it recently for various reasons that I won’t bore you with here. 

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! I don’t think it’s really my thing tbh. I get very in my head about writing and struggle even to brainstorm or share too much until I’m well into a story.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Of the 47 fics I’ve written, there are 45 Larry, 1 Narry, and 1 Louis/Dermot O’Leary (I think mine is still the only fic with this ship hahahaa), so that’s probably a good indication of my fave writing ship.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have one lonely WIP sitting on AO3 from 2018. I keep promising myself I’ll finish it and it’s on my schedule every year, then I get distracted by other fics/fests and it gets pushed back. Plus, it needs a complete rewrite because my style has developed so much since I started it, so it’ll be a big job. Based on that, I think that the fic, in its current form, won’t ever be finished as the rewrite will completely wipe out what it was, although the underlying plot will still be there.

16) What are your writing strengths?

World building (or so I’m often told). I write very visually and people often say they can imagine the scene exactly, or that it’s like a movie, or that they think it’s actually a real place I’m describing, when most of the time it absolutely isn’t, it’s just something I’ve created in my weird brain.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue (although my lovely beta disagrees) and telling rather than showing. They’re both things I’m actively working on.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never really considered it. It’s not something I’d shy away from necessarily, but it’s just never come up.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

One Direction. First and only.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Wow. This is really tough because it changes over time. I find that once I’ve finished a fic I don’t want to revisit it for a few months because I’m kind of over it. But I find comfort in them after a while, like I get to go back to that happy place and immerse myself in that world and the characters again, similar to catching up with an old friend. It’s familiar. I think I also like different stories for different reasons and I’m drawn to various ones depending on my mood. My top 3 (although, ask me next week and the list will probably be completely different!) would probably be:

1. If You’re Out There (I’ll Find You Somehow). Written for the hybrid fic fest (a fest I created just for this fic lol). It’s not everyone’s cup of tea due to the hybrid aspect, but it’s one of the stories I feel is the most rounded from a character development perspective and the world building was pretty epic, if I can be so bold as to throw that out there myself!

2. No Going Back. One of my Big Bangs from 2020. I adore the way their relationship develops in this fic and the setting (as remote lighthouse keepers) was such a lot of fun to write. Plus I got to collaborate with an amazing artist who created an entire website as an accompanying travel blog which was truly wonderful.

3. From The Heart. This is a series I wrote for wordplay back in 2019. I had no idea that what I was doing was so unusual and so meta by having Louis essentially write for the equivalent of wordplay in the fic. It was such an fun way to share my writing process and challenges I encounter (exactly how many synonyms tabs do I have open at any one time?!) and I thoroughly enjoyed the outcome (although getting there was definitely a struggle).

~

This was really fun and thanks to anyone who made it this far! Writing brings me so much joy and is a wonderful outlet for all the imaginings in my head, so I appreciate everyone who supports me and joins me on that journey.

~

I’m pretty late with this and I’m not sure who has already done it but I’ll tag @fallinglikethis @homosociallyyours @lululawrence @reminiscingintherain and @beau-soleil-louis if they’d like to do this and haven’t already.

[missytearex]

Here’s what I read this month. Remember to leave kudos/comments if you check them out. 😘

🦗 No Going Back by @jacaranda-bloom​ --- [fic post]

larry | 56k | explicit

Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right?

This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk.

🦗 i must admit i thought i'd like to make you mine by @disgruntledkittenface --- [fic post]

larry | 50k | explicit

Louis fell apart when her ex broke up with her and moved across the country. Just as she’s starting to move on, Zayn comes back to town for their mutual friends’ wedding – with a new girlfriend as her plus one.

Blindsided and scrambling to save face, Louis lets herself get talked into a fake relationship with her new friend Harry. Their arrangement makes Louis feel pathetic and embarrassed, but it’s only going to last a few weeks. She just has to get through the wedding – what could happen?

🦗 Need So Much of You by @lululawrence --- [fic post]

larry | 46k | not rated

the would-have-been canon compliant, fake relationship, friends with benefits, friends to lovers fic where Louis wonders if this thing going on with Harry is going to break him or change everything for the better.

🦗 The Stars Look Very Different Today by @kingsofeverything --- [fic post]

larry | 43k | explicit

For Harry Styles, child genius turned glorified spaceship mechanic, rescuing lost or broken down ships is a fairly common occurrence.

There’s nothing common about his latest mission, the ship, or that ship’s captain.

The last thing he expects to find in a distant galaxy is the one thing he’s been missing on Earth.

🦗 Until by @allwaswell16 --- [fic post]

larry | 38k | explicit

Rural Eagle County, Colorado wasn’t the type of place to find a famous musician or actor. At least not until songwriter Louis Tomlinson showed up with pop star Niall Horan to visit his uncle’s horse ranch, and they just happened to find themselves next door to a reclusive former movie star.

🦗 tempests of dust by @scrunchyharry --- [fic post]

larry | 30k | explicit

Louis lived an ordinary life, albeit in an extraordinary place. His family, alongside many others, were mandated to maintain the fortress of Bourbon-l’Archambault, one of the many castles belonging to the crown of France. It was thankless work, but it was a roof over their heads and a quiet, steady life. For all that he knew, the Crown had forgotten Bourbon-l’Archambault even existed, which suited him quite well.

That was until the Dauphin, Prince Harry, came to stay for a summer and decided that he would experience the life of a peasant, for his own personal growth, without any regards to how it would affect others. After a summer spent together, the thought of parting ways was too much to bear and they struck a deal: Louis would pretend to be a duke at the court of Versailles for a season: if after three months, he was miserable, Harry would let him return to his former life without making a fuss.

Did they really think it would be that simple?

🦗 Strong Enough by @jacaranda-bloom --- [fic post]

larry | 20k | explicit

Five years after Vertigo goes on hiatus, the band comes back together for a benefit concert. Can Louis and Harry work through their complicated past, or are some wounds too deep to be healed?

🦗 Creature Fear by @dearmrsawyer --- [fic post]

narry | 7k | general audiences

Louis is an Opossum, and he's moved into the walls.

🦗 i hate u, i love u by @astorytotellyourfriends --- [fic post]

gen, lirry | 3k | general audiences

Louis likes things just as they are. He doesn’t need anything or anyone else, so why should Harry?

[amyelliotsdiary]

my harry styles fic rec

over 40k words

The Things I Don’t Ask (zarry - 224k words currently) A boarding school AU that features two boys who can never say how they really feel. This is the only incomplete fic I’m including. It has one chapter to go and is absolutely incredible. I highly recommend it.

Drowning Shadows (zarry - 99k) AU: Harry Styles, executive recruiter, finally meets his match in Zayn Malik. Or, Harry builds walls and Zayn breaks everything.

With Every Heartbeat (zarry - 92k) It's 2025, and Zayn has decided to reunite with the rest of the band for one special show. As he tries to mend old friendships, he gets more than he bargained for when he sees Harry for the first time in ten years.

Baby Be Mine (zarry - 45k) In which Zayn is an English major who hates frats, Harry is a frat bro with great arms, and these things cause Zayn problems.

Paper Lips (zarry - 41k) Harry’s world is so huge, so bright and sparkling, and Zayn is just a small blot of ink in the corner of an ocean, fighting to be worth something. For the prompt - 'Harry is Zayn's sugardaddy, but something makes it complicated.'

If This Is Love (gryles - 85k) He's not fucking thirty yet, but he is way too old for Harry fucking Styles. Or: Nick Grimshaw has done some stupid, ridiculous, mad things in his life, but falling for Harry Styles might be the stupidest thing yet.

Call Answered (larry - 250k) The day after his 27th birthday, Harry Styles attempts suicide. Louis is flown to his bedside to unravel the mystery of why he did it after a flash drive is found with a note attached, addressed to Louis. On it are a collection of 78 songs, all written for different dates from their past.

Love is a Rebellious Bird (larry - 134k) AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

The Finish Line (Is A Good Place For Us To Start) (larry - 120k) The Formula 1 AU everyone needs to read. Seriously.

One for Luck (larry - 96k) AU: Louis and Harry are professional riders on the British Olympic team.

Who Painted the Moon Black (larry - 95k) Hunger Games AU where Louis Tomlinson is district six's victor from the 69th Hunger Games and Harry Styles is district seven's victor from the 72nd Hunger Games.

Here in the Afterglow (larry - 88k) 1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

i forget where we were (narry - 70k) Harry wakes up to find he has retrograde amnesia and a perfect life - seemingly.  Side note: This fic is incredible. The description does not do it justice. I don’t usually read narry but this one blew me away.

under 40k words

Need The Sun To Break (zarry - 38k) A “You’ve Got Mail” AU

Toothbrush (zarry - 32k) AU: Harry doesn’t believe in matrimony and Zayn thinks the promise of forever is a lie; a wedding is a good place to meet.

All Your Reasons (zarry - 24k) There's no heat or warmth in the loft, not anymore. It's just a decorated place they both keep their things, a place they never should've inhabited. It's open and spacious, but they're not. They're soggy and sinking. Brooklyn AU where Harry and Zayn look back and look ahead.

Nine Lives (zarry - 21k) Liam asked him last week, when he was drunk and feeling brave, how he knew about Harry, and Zayn was drunk and feeling brave, too, so he told him he didn’t know, that’s the point. There was no crash, no bang, no chase through an airport. It was more quiet than that. Zayn didn’t even feel it, how, from the moment he and Harry met, the space between them got smaller and smaller until there wasn’t any at all.

Even After (zarry - 15k) It’s perfect, really. Harry has Zayn, and through everything, from boarding school to Harry’s first girlfriend to Harry’s first boyfriend to college to everything, Zayn’s never left. There's also the small fact of Zayn being in love with him, but they don’t talk about that. It’s the one thing they never talk about.

B-side (zarry - 14k) Everyone loves Harry—but, to Zayn, Harry is six foot of infuriating, who spends his time pottering around Craze Records and stealing Zayn's flying saucers. (Or, the record store AU where Zayn's too proud to realise that the only reason he finds Harry so annoying is because he fancies the pants off him.)

all tied up in pretty young things (zarry - 11k) "we argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out of class and we're still arguing outside of class" au

Once Upon a Dream (larry - 33k) Louis is psychic and gets caught in the middle of a murder investigation led by FBI Special Agent Harry Styles.

Wine Not? (larry - 20k) Louis’ Wine Dive is a bar run by the people for the people. Wine Styles is a boutique tasting room that caters to a more highbrow clientele. When their worlds clash on a beautiful Charleston street, one of these owners may find that an ounce of pretension doesn’t stand a chance against a pound of perseverance.

keep holding me this way (larry - 13k) An English grad student, a frat jock, and an unimpressed rich boy walk into a bar. No one walks out.

This was compiled from ones I had bookmarked on ao3 and will be expanded upon when I go through my computer bookmarks:)

[runaway-train-works]

Quarantine Tag Game 🏡

Thank you @a-brighter-yellow for the tag! 😘

Are you staying home from work/school?

Not to be depressing on main, but I’m the manager of a restaurant, so as you can probably imagine, cover-19 as completely f**ked me and the entire hospitality industry over. I knew the lockdown was coming after seeing what was happening in other countries, but it still hit hard, particularly when my bosses dragged me two and a half hours away for a meeting to tell me they weren’t going to be able to pay any of the staff while were in lockdown without risking closures in the long run (I had hoped they would be able to pay us a portion) so I had to have some serious discussions with my family as to whether I could still stay where I am or just pack up my life and move back to live in Scotland until it all blew over and try and get a job there, which I really didn’t want to do for reasons I won’t bore you with. Fortunately, the UK government is now providing grants to cover a decent chunk of our wages so I can stay put for the time being. As it stands, I have zero work to do except go in once a week and check the restaurant is ok. I’m trying to keep positive but my future is pretty uncertain at the moment.

Who is at home with you? Just me as I live alone.

Are you a homebody? Normally I am, but I think that’s because my job revolves around being around people constantly, so I like to have my own space to unwind. I’m already getting pretty restless and it’s only been about 10 days.

Any event you were looking forward to that got cancelled? Urgh yes. First Louis in London, then Dua Lipa rescheduled, and then Harry announced his UK/European tour was moving for which I was going to six shows, and the order has changed which makes it more difficult for me to get between them and have the time off I need, so I may have to sell my tickets for one or two. So far the end of the year looks fine for my other concerts (Niall, Lewis Capaldi and Genesis), but I also have a ticket for Harryween and I doubt I’ll be able to afford NYC now if the lockdown goes on for a while, so I’ll probably have to sell my ticket for that which I’m pretty gutted about. I know it probably sounds incredibly spoiled to be mad about it all giving what’s going on, but concerts are a huge thing for me, something I really look forward to and what I save up for and spend my money on compared to other luxuries other people might choose, so it’s made a bad situation worse for me that everything I had planned over the coming months has been cancelled.

What movies have you been watching recently? I actually haven’t watched any films which is quite unlike me, I’ve been watching TV instead.

What are you doing for self-care? Sleep as much my body needs to and not set alarms, cook fresh food and try new recipes, keep in touch with family and friends and organise group facetime calls with them. I also bought myself a steam cleaner and I’m going to deep clean my entire flat because that’s how rock n’ roll I am.

What shows are you watching? Tiger King. I’m pleased I watched it before all the memes came out! and it’s really as batshit crazy as they say it is. I just feel bad for the tigers though, I need justice for them. Also started watching The O.C again because I haven’t watched it since I was a teenager and wanted a blast from the past. Honestly, how anyone could pick Seth over Ryan as their favourite I will never know. I’m well into season two and I’ll probably watch One Tree Hill after I’m done.

What music have you been listening to? Pretty much just Heartbreak Weather (which I am LOVING btw) but Due Lipa’s new album came out on Friday so I’ve been dipping into that a bit over the weekend too.

What books are you reading? I’m just reading fics at the moment. Re-read my fav Narry fic and started on the sequel last night and read a couple of short ones from the Pubefest that were good. 

I will tag @dimpled-halo, @missytearex, @louandhazaf and @whenthebodiesspeak if you haven’t already done this! 💕

[jlf23tumble]

Recap: Kiss Kiss 2012

THE CATEGORY IS...PUBLIC EDGING, and you have two options, read this recap or binge "Pose" (you can do both, it's a long weekend, but I heavily favor Billy Porter and Mj Rodriguez and everyone else on that show, they’re god-tier, the end, GO WATCH).

If you’re down for some public edging on this bullshit holiday, though, nobody does it better than Louis Tomlinson jacking off a plant purely to make Harry Styles uncomfortable. We've all seen the gifs, but I recommend watching this one in full because it actually has a shit-ton of other things happening in it, too, plus, if you need a break from fireworks (or if "Pose" has hit you hard in the feels), these 16 minutes can be a tiny breath of fresh air. Allez cuisine!

Here's the link to the full interview, and if you speak Italian, BOY, ARE YOU IN LUCK because you'll actually understand the (exceedingly lengthy) questions instead of relying on the (somewhat hungover) answers for context (the questions are literally never translated). I know a smattering of Italian, so all the comments are thisclose to something I sorta get, enough to make me wanna fire up Duolingo, anyway, but here are some things to keep an eye out for:

This was filmed on November 1, 2012, the day after Halloween, which is presumably why both Louis and Zayn haven't quite removed all their eye makeup, but they're clearly followed around by a squad of people, and yet nobody has the time or inclination to hand over a makeup wipe

Louis is ON FIRE, presumably because all of them are low-energy and hungover, so he’s pulling the entire weight, and it is exhausting, he’s shot out of a canon from the introductions with a dance that I wish I had the power to gif:

Take a drink every time he and Zayn squirm around and end up sitting like this:

WMYB plays in a constant loop in the background--at least five times consecutively over the course of this talk--and why does that always happen in every interview they do, WE GET IT

They're already world famous at this point, but Louis says not to worry, they all have their own private homes, and "actually no one knows where we live...ha. ha. ha.”

Who wore the maroon scooped-neck shirt of fic lore better?

I love that there's a question about disguises that works on two levels (I definitely recognized "barba" [beard in Italian] in one of those questions, lmao)

During a lengthy question about flash mobs, Louis and Niall both mime boobs/shirt lifting before getting around to answering the question, and I'm so into Louis saying he wants to know when the next one is, "So we can show up DRESSED AS WOMEN," the last bit directed at Harry, who when the camera pulls back, is looking at the ceiling

Louis makes move no. 1 for the plant, but the interviewers step in to hand over an ipad (to prove the flash mob numbers??? Louis: "I have to confess, I'm an absolute tech geek" Me: “uh, okay?”)

There's some talk about them being in the wax museum, then they all sort of shake themselves awake to pose as wax figures, which is just...yeah (Louis's the last one to break his pose, and it's as awkward as you think it could be):

The fan questions are just as challenging as the host ones, but thankfully, much shorter, and we DO learn a few things, like, these five watched a lot of films about the Beatles together as a group, and I stared at the wall for a long time wondering why: Were they told to, in some sort of push to get them to emulate that cheeky band camaraderie? Did they opt to do so on their own, to see what a similar group went through and dealt with? Was this what pushed them to take over some song-writing control, etc.? Of all the things they could sit around and watch together, why was it films about the Beatles (not even Beatles films)???? I have questions!!!!

Let’s just appreciate this gorgeous hand AND Zayn’s incredible face (if, like me, you’ve actually read the bullshit of “Who We Are,” you know the bullshit story “straight from his mouth” about the bleach streak, lmao:

But the real gold is at 7:30, jerk-off-o'clock, and this entire segment is incredible because Louis's being a little shit (up until now, he's been on the ipad looking at fanart (my guess), but Harry's not playing along when Louis starts trying to edge him mid-interview (looks down uncomfortably after he sees it), and OF COURSE, after fruitlessly wanking this plant, Louis looks to the right (to the team, presumably), his face drops slightly, and he stops abruptly:

During all of this, they’re still going on and on about the Beatles, but Louis has moved on to do a complicated dance move to get Harry's attention (no dice, he gets it for a second, then Harry's looking down again), gifmakers, assemble!!

Louis grabs the ipad again, and as Liam drones on about the Beatles some more, he shows him something distracting, and we soon learn it's a big page of boobs (straight guys, amirite??)

The interviewers finally get into the makeup traces, and we learn that Liam, Louis, and Zayn went full-on with face makeup this year (whither narry??), and that "it was a good night, we did crazy dancing, not many people recognized us"

Louis grows bored of the next fan question, so it's on to chance no. 3 to jack off a plant:

There's a lot of chatter about learning Italian, how much fun they're having, the crazy year they've had with the Olympics, their sloppy-ass video shoots, etc.

Louis and Harry finally get on the same page and start doing that telepathic language twins speak before Harry praises a bunch of randos currently on the charts who are good to write with (Ed Sheerhands, McFly, you know the type--white, male, nonthreatening, chart-topping):

There's a really weird segue into having them sign some shit for charity and take a look at some fan mail, and these are the faces of people who have seen some shit, Euphoria was a goddamned cake walk:

But BY FAR, the best part is at the end, when the interviewers need to jack themselves off and ask if this was a good experience or not, and Liam (!!) says, "I think this could have been the best interview ever," Harry deadpans, "It's the top three for sure," and Louis slamdunks it with, "This is potentially the best moment of my life.” I PROMISE YOU, if you watch nothing else here, tune into those last ten seconds, and you can die happy

[thenarrystore]

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Don’t have a date? Us either!

Under the cut is 20 Valentine’s Day Narry fics ranging from 300 to almost 11,000 words!

that too – from

harry came with flowers for niall

fluff, 300

right now (always, always) – from

LA, February 2018. Niall runs.

past relationship, 300

It’s Always Been You – PrettyinSoulPunk

This is just something short and sweet (with a very brief side of angst) that I wrote based on this old Valentine’s Day interview from 2013. I found the video again recently, and then this happened.

fluff, during 1d, friends to lovers, 1.7k

running around in love again – mozartspiano

they meet at a coffee shop on valentine’s day. it’s all a horrible cliche.

college au, coffee shop au, strangers to lovers, blow jobs, 2.5k

Top V-Day Date – sunshineflying

Niall and Harry are both alone in Australia after their concert, and they’ve got no plans for Valentine’s Day. They’d braced themselves to go it alone, but a challenge turns into the best Valentine’s Day date that either guy has ever had.

during 1d, friends to lovers, hand jobs, 3k

Just A Little Oblivious – thespacesbetweenus

After months of chatter from Niall and Harry Liam finally had enough and decided to do something about his oblivious band mates who were so obviously in love with each other.

during 1d, fluff, 3k

Valentine on Fire – littlepinkbow

Louis is sure that the way to Harry’s heart is by eating 30 cinnamon hearts. Or at least, he’s sure that he can get Niall to eat 30 cinnamon hearts if he tells him that.

high school au, 3.1k

come on in boy – Efflorescence_Amour

Prompt: Niall has a history of terrible Valentine’s Days that always end up with him getting broken up with. He’s been with Harry for almost eleven months, and he’s head over heels in love, but he tries desperately to get Harry to ignore Valentine’s Day because he doesn’t want things to end between them.

established relationship, blow job, 3.3k

let me change your ticket home – takesmeunder

Niall and Harry have been in an online relationship for nearly a year when they decide to have a Skype date for their first Valentine’s Day together. Niall doesn’t show up at their arranged time, and Harry’s devastated. Little does he know Niall’s got something up his sleeve.

online dating au, established relationship, frottage, 3.3k

I Don’t Wanna Be Your Friend (I Wanna Kiss Your Neck) – wishfulwannabe

Niall shrugged and Harry could feel the burn from where Niall was still holding his wrist. “Not a big fan of Valentine’s Day.”

“Me neither,” Harry added in, glancing at Niall’s profile out of the corner of his eye.

“What’s your horror story?” Niall joked and Harry knew not to be upset because Niall had no idea just how Harry came to despise this date.

OR Niall and Harry meet at a Valentine’s Day dance and become best friends but along the way Harry falls in love with Niall and Niall falls in love to, just not with Harry.

high school au, college au, strangers to friends to lovers, side: niam, 3.3k

Call Me Maybe? – Diaryofanarcissisticgayman

It’s not healthy. Harry is more than willing and able to admit that. It’s also not cheap. Each phone he buys is getting progressively older, and pretty soon Harry’s going to end up with an empty savings account and a mobile the size of his arm, and twice as strong. That said, it’s totally worth it. Every time Niall crinkles his nose up in a laugh at one of Harry’s jokes, every time the blond smiles when Harry walks up to the desk, every time their fingers brush as they exchange Harry’s mobile. All of that is totally worth a few (not so) accidentally broken mobiles.

for the prompt: “I’ve been breaking my phone on purpose just because you work at the help desk at the phone store” au where Harry is sort of obsessed with the blonde at the counter and Niall can’t understand why the other goes through so many phones (asked out on valentines day perhaps??)

au, strangers to lovers, 3.9k

Bookshops and Blue Eyed Boys – cheerstar051

For babyshades who prompted: Harry is miserable on Valentines day, until he wanders into a book store and topples over a pile of books… And he meets Niall. Neither Niall nor Harry have a date for Valentines day and decide to spend it together because why not. Please make the relationship flow!

strangers to friends to lovers, bookshop au, 4.1k

Raisins – liyumpeyn

Thankyou for the prompt @letmotifs! Which was “Uh, hi? It’s the guy who stopped by your flower shop earlier, the one who bought those roses. Anyway, did you leave your number in the bouquet on purpose, or…?” Directly quoted that in the story, hope you don’t mind and I’m sorry I butchered this so much, hope its okay!

The one where Harry fails miserably at impressing Niall and they wind up drunk and naked by the sea

strangers to lovers, 4.6k

Something Great – Narryornarry

Is it too much for Harry to ask for something great?

Or, after years of being in love with Niall, Harry finally gets something great.

during 1d, friends to lovers, pining, side: Niall/Original Female, 5.3k

I’m Glad It Was You – YoungBunny

After Niall arrives to school late for the umpteenth time, his teacher sets him up to be on the Valentines Day Prom committee, only to be partnered with Harry Styles, a boy he’s know for the majority of his life.

The only problem with this? They can’t stand each other.

high school au, enemies to lovers, 5.5k

call it magic – leitmotifs

Niall’s the Hufflepuff who’s had a crush on Harry since their third year. Liam and Zayn are Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, respectively, who are his best friends and who also proceed to meddle in this love affair.

There are palm readings, failed potions, and roses involved.

hogwarts au, pining, strangers to friends to lovers, 6k

savin’ my love for you – narryster

“You should put on your watch, you know?”

Even in the dark with the only light coming from the moon and the lamps on the campus, Harry can see Niall cocking his head to the side, probably wondering what is going through Harry’s mind now. “Why?”

Harry is still not exactly sure if he’s right – if he can be sure about the thing with Niall – but he’s hit by a warm and content feeling when he thinks about it. “Just do it.”

Or; Harry meets his soulmate on Valentine’s Day.

soulmate au, college au, friends to lovers, 8.3k

Can’t deny that I want you (but I’ll lie if I have to) – forthemoon

“Go with me. Let me be your date Friday. I’ll be super romantic and show you that Valentine’s Day isn’t too bad, if you spend it with the right person.” Harry says.

“Wait so like—like a pretend boyfriend sort of thing?” Niall asks. Harry’s smile falls a fraction of what it had been before.

“Um, yeah I guess, whatever you want to call it.” Harry shrugs.

college au, fake relationship, pining, friends to lovers, past: ziall, 8.6k

every lonely place – sakabelle

It wasn’t supposed to go down like this.

The plan was for Harry to sweep Niall off his feet and break his heart. And yeah, maybe it was a little mean, but Harry’s used to Louis being a little mean. Besides, Niall is a little annoying, so it balanced out. But he wasn’t supposed to develop feelings for Niall, and Niall certainly wasn’t supposed to find out it was all on account of a dare and stop speaking to him.

No, this is the exact opposite of how it was supposed to go. And now, Harry’s got to get Niall back.

college au, fake relationship, break up/make up, 9.8k

Come Together Right Now (Over Me) – sunshineflying

Niall and Harry are just exploring their new relationship when Valentine’s Day rolls around. Busy with the start of the On The Road Again Tour, they’ve got to be especially careful about how they make plans to spend the day together. Thanks to some help from their band mates, they’re able to pull it off.

Or, Niall and Harry sneak away for a romantic holiday in Australia, hidden from the fans, all thanks to a few little while lies from their band mates.

established relationship, during 1d, rutting, blow job, hand job, bottom!niall, top!harry, (mentioned vers!n/h), 10.9k

[mildlymaddy]

Yearly (Belated) Review

Alright, there it is. My answers to the Yearly Review meme. Honestly I found this SO HARD. Not only was it hard to find positive things to say about my writing, but also I don’t remember anything of what I wrote last year? It’s hard to answer these questions if you don’t even remember any detail about your own fics.

It’s really weird because I take so much pride in my actual job, like I know I’m good at it, I know exactly what I’m good at, I could answer all the questions in the world about it. I also think that I’m a really good beta reader, like I’ve never found anybody else like me? Someone who will actually nag at you and go deep and force you to rework stuff and get even better. All of this, I can easily see and appreciate. But my personal writing? UGH. Nothing to keep, throw it all away please.

Writing this was really painful for me, when it seems to have been so much fun for everyone else (as it should be, because y’all are so fucking talented and I’m glad you realize it)... but you know what, soldiering through actually helped me take a step back and force myself to see what was good about my writing. I’m incredibly grateful for it.

1. List of works published this year:

This one at least is easy, you can find the list here.

Except that I forgot my original ficlet I wrote, a soft lesbian summer haze story inspired by some Danielle Campbell photos! It’s there and I think only two people in the world have read it but I really like it.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Hahahahahahahahaha…. hahahaha… haaaa.

Sorry.

Um.

I guess, maybe, the Lilo Brits verse? Because it’s like, one of the more “serious”, angsty things I’ve written (and La helped me make it good).

I guess it’s pretty clear I have a real big problem about thinking “happy” fic is meaningless, which is kind of a downer considering it’s almost all I write (and probably what I’m best at).

Oh, okay, I’ve just re-read that ghost!Liam lirry fic and it’s surprisingly nice. I guess I like the way it’s a total crackfic and yet it’s very tender and bittersweet. I can grant myself that. :)

And now that I’ve found back that Danielle fic I linked to above, I can honestly say that I’m super proud of it. I’m proud of how soft it is, and how tentative, and I just… I really like how poetic it is? The words came out exactly as I wanted them to. I really love it.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Most of them? Like, they’re okay, but most could have been infinitely better if I’d just forgotten about them for a bit and come back to them with fresh eyes, instead of posting them straight away. There’s stuff that people loved that I’m re-reading today and I literally cringe thinking of how much better they could/should have been.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

I couldn’t say. Like, it’s not just that I’m super harsh on my writing, but how am I supposed to remember everything I wrote?? The way you guys all managed to answer this one is what baffled me the most, because I legitimately cannot do it. I’d have to re-read everything I posted (and even then I probably wouldn’t like anything enough to think it’s worth quoting here).

But one thing I can say is that I have a huge soft spot for my Lilo fairy verse. It’s not the most amazing thing in the land but I think Louis as a fairy works really, really well, and it’s just silly and happy and I’m glad I wrote it. :)

 5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

This one is surprisingly hard to answer! I mean, obviously, @catateme9 is the most supporting reader and friend anyone could wish for, by far. The way you boost authors you like is heartwarming, and shows that you don’t need to actually put out material to be a vital part of the fandom. <3

I’m also just really grateful when people yell at me in their reblog tags, which happens often, it’s probably the most satisfactory feedback anyone can get.

I’m sorry, I feel bad for not being able to recall a really good one, I just… any kind of feedback makes my day. I cherish each and every comment/tag/message I get about my fics, so it’s just impossible to pick one.

 6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Honestly ask me for a time when writing was easy, it’ll be easier to pinpoint. Writing is torture, all the fucking time. But some of the random ficlets I wrote in bed were wonderful gifts, sudden unexpected inspiration that I managed to see through in one sitting.

But writing has been especially hard for the past couple months, I have to say. I used to constantly daydream about my plots and now there’s only static in my brain.

 7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I guess all the het fic I wrote. I’ve always written exclusively slash, even back in my HP days (the only Hermione/Ron fic I can remember writing was PG, I couldn’t stomach the idea of writing a sex scene). I think because for a long time I wanted to get as far away from heterosexuality as I could. I guess me writing all those elounor, or elounorexha, or louelle fics shows my own real life path towards accepting I’m bi and that there’s nothing wrong with “het” sex.

 8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I don’t think I grew at all. Queen of stagnation, that’s me. 😞

 9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I… don’t know? Maybe just… learn to give myself more credit? Be as kind to myself as I am to other writers? Oh and also if I could stop comparing myself to all of you and feeling terrible because I’ll never be half as talented, that’d be nice.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@ferryboatpeak will never not be wonderful. She uses both the carrot and the stick to keep me on track (or tries to, at least), and she’s also sent me some DELIGHTFUL things to beta, for which I’m always so grateful because honestly, reading her stuff and then seeing her turn my suggestions into gold is a fucking privilege.

To be fair, I have a lot of incredibly talented writers as friends. You’re all inspirations in some way, but I’ll mention 3 writers that have really stood out for me this year (please don’t get offended if you’re not in the list you KNOW how much I admire and love all of you, omg, so much!!)

@queerlyalex the sheer range of what you write, and the softness with which you tackle tricky subjects, is absolutely incredible. Your fics aren’t only perfectly written, they’re also so enlightening, and eye-opening, and as someone who was very very clueless before I joined Tumblr, they’ve been a wonderful, soft way of truly realizing there is so much more than what I’ve experienced, and getting my head around some stuff. I feel so incredibly grateful to be your friend.

@polaroidgirlfriend, I’m sorry I haven’t yet read your fionrry, but I still think about your university Narry fic all the time. I’m still floored by how perfect and honest it was, you have a way of… of getting at hidden, unspoken human emotions that is so gentle and yet so uncompromising, it’s a testament to your beautiful soul.

@1000-directions, your love for the boys’ girlfriends (and friends, like Bebe) is the most heartwarming thing ever, and I’m so happy you’re constantly putting out these empowering, woman-positive slices of life out into the fandom world. We need more people like you here. I also love what you said about learning to write for yourself and not caring about how niche something is, that is something I could dearly do with.

I think it’s telling that the three people I’ve picked out have that one thing in common, your way of gently dissecting relationships to get to the heart of them, unflinchingly uncovering the good and the bad bits. You somehow all manage to depict love as a bloody beating heart, both beautiful and terrible, soft and ragged, full of hope and despair, and I just… love this so much about you. There’s a line in one of my fics (that sounds so pretentious omg) which goes “so she’ll stop cutting his heart open as softly as if it was a peach”, and that just really sums it up. I only wrote that one sentence, but y’all actually do it in every one of your fics, and I’m just... in total awe of you. ♥♥♥

 11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Pretty much everything I write is about me. I get sick? I’ll write some sickfic. I’m super tired? Louis can’t seem to get any sleep. Little gestures I love end up in my stories. Things I crave end up in my stories. Often I’m embarrassed about just how much my stories are a reflection of myself, to be honest. I’m an open book.

 12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I’ll share wisdom from my actual job : do not cling to your ideas. It doesn’t matter how cute/sexy/well written that paragraph is, or how brilliant that idea is, if it doesn’t fit with the rest of the story or if it’s blocking you up, GET RID OF IT. Seriously. Being able to just delete chunks of your own writing when you realize it’s not serving your story will save you a lot of pain and time.

 13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Any of my WIPs, god, please. I started so many things and they fell through the wayside and I feel so guilty and gutted about it.

The most important thing of all would be finishing Take These Chances, because I still get comments on it from time to time and I’ve dropped it just before Louis and Liam finally realized they were in love and it’s just… it’s terrible. I want to finish it, I just don’t know how to make myself do it.

But I also have that summer heat nouis fic, puppy/kitten lilo, the lilourry mermaid thing, lilo new year’s kiss, another lilo fic about kisses in which liam must kiss louis every hour to make up for waking him up early, the nouis watching Stranger Things, a new installment of caldell highschool au, that hendes fic, a steamy Elouelle ficlet, the follow-up to the sleep-deprived Louis fic… all of these are half-written or more, they just need a little more work, but I can’t. seem. to do it!

If anyone’s got idea on how to motivate me through this, I’m ready to hear them.

 14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I don’t need to tag anyone, you’ve all done it already (and they were a joy to read). ^_^

[squishyharold]

everything we do  (narry fic)

words: 2268, rating: explicit

summary: Harry is a sex addict, Niall is asexual. They shouldn’t work but they do.

Harry doesn't remember how the thing between him and Niall actually became a thing, but he loves it just the way it is. Sex has become such a constant in his life, a validation that he craves, a need that haunts him wherever he goes. Which sucks on its own but even more because he's famous. He can't just shag anyone and everyone without it ending up in the tabloids. Even when he's not doing anything, when he's just joking around with Louis they read stories into it that don't even exist.

It's a mess, it has always been a mess and through all of it Harry has felt like crawling up the walls, the constant need to get off making him so agitated he tried to convey it on stage, to sell it as a performance, as an act. But it's not, he loves the attention, wishes he could be touched by them without the danger, so many hands all over his body, just making him feel good. But there's a gap between them where the security stands guard, protecting them from him. He's been getting off on stage before, though he doubts anyone noticed. Sometimes all it needed was a line of one of their songs, the hard length of his mic stand... It's embarrassing how fast music can get him off.

But tonight is different. After the show, after a good and long shower he still hasn't come, hasn't really for two days and that's quite a long time for him. Others would call it an achievement, he calls it torture. He's torturing himself.

But the thing is, the thing is, it's different with Niall. They probably shouldn't get along because on his first trip to Mullingar two things became very apparent:

Harry is a sex addict and Niall is asexual.

Of course that doesn't have anything to do with their friendship but it has everything to do with the fact that Harry has a huge fucking crush on Niall. He knows he's not alone with that because everyone adores Niall, he's perfect and beautiful and when you're around him you don't even know how to be sad. And when you are sad he just pulls you into his arms and tells you a stupid joke that has you laughing on the floor.

But it's not like Harry is constantly thinking about fucking Niall into the mattress, it's more than that. He really likes Niall and he's one of the few people Harry can be stupid with without actually feeling stupid. He can just be himself, innuendos and 100% inappropriate jokes included. Because Niall thinks sex is hilarious, he doesn't understand the fuss and in a very twisted way that actually comforts Harry. Because Niall knows about his addiction and still doesn't judge him.

So that's why Harry constantly seeks out Niall's presence, his warmth, his occasional cuddle and it takes off the edge sometimes. But not tonight. Liam and Louis are watching a show on the other bus, so Harry gets onto the sleeping bus with Niall, who's already in his bunk with his phone in both hands. Harry briefly considers climbing into his own bunk but then decides to join Niall with a pounding heart. He hasn't asked him for help in weeks and was quite proud of that but tonight's show had been so intense and a cold shower didn't do anything for him.

So when he's placing one knee on Niall's mattress he just stares at the boy beneath him, taking in his mussed up hair, his shirt that rode up his stomach far enough to reveal a bit of soft skin. He's typing away on his phone and not even looking up when he inches closer to the wall to make room for Harry, who would be a fool to turn down that offer. So he squeezes in next to Niall and bumps his head against his shoulder with a low whine, like a cat begging for some treats.

"Hey Haz. What's wrong?"

"Dunno," he lies because he knows what he wants, what he needs but he feels so, so pathetic. "I just..."

"Come here," Niall mutters and reaches out with his fingers to curl them into Harry's damp hair at the back of his neck, pulling him down for a cuddle. "You've been restless all day. Maybe you need some sleep."

Harry likes sleeping. It's one of the rare times he doesn't think about sex. He doesn't even dream about sex. His dreams are all very silly. He doesn't think it's a good idea though because as soon as he curls around Niall and burrows into his side he remembers how hard he is, still is. He just couldn't get off in the shower and now the outline of his hard dick is pressing against Niall's hip and he whimpers because god, he's so pathetic, fuck.

"Ah," Niall makes a sound of understanding and finally drops his phone, hand reaching into the back of Harry's loose shirt to knead the spot between Harry's shoulder blades that is always tense. Fuck, he just knows Harry inside and out. "How about you get those jeans off, hm?"

Harry's hands are already shaking with arousal because Niall doesn't mind helping him out once again. He quickly fumbles with his belt to get it off and almost busts the zipper because he's so eager, he can't fucking wait. When he finally has his trousers and his underwear down to his knees he presses in again to feel the rough texture of Niall's jeans against his sensitive dick. He flat out moans at the sensation and mutters a thousand apologies because he knows he will ruin Niall's clothes again.

"It's alright, Haz," Niall coos when Harry starts to rub himself off on his skinny leg, sucking in sharp breaths of air whenever he manages to grind against the thick seam of the fabric which makes the drag so much better.

He has done this before, with Niall sitting innocently in his lap, with Niall on his stomach while Harry was dry humping his arse like a fucking idiot. But he never made Harry feel bad about it, always said he doesn't mind. I don't mind if it helps you. I don't mind if it makes you feel good. Niall is Harry's rock and he doesn't even know it.

"Oh fuck," Harry groans and presses his lips and nose into Niall's shoulder, breathing in the smell of fabric softener. But there's also that pure scent that is just Niall and Harry feels himself shifting closer, rutting harder against the other's leg and tipping back his head for a moment.

When he opens his eyes he notices that Niall is back on his phone, scrolling through his twitter feed while his other hand absent-mindedly rests on Harry's back. But he doesn't pay him any attention, fuck, he's just... he's almost ignoring Harry. Like he doesn't care. And the fact that he doesn't care makes Harry actually feel like he cares a lot. Does that make any sense?

"Niall," he whispers, jerking harder against him but it's not enough anymore, so he sneaks a hand between them to take himself in hand, to add more pressure to it. "Niall..."

"Hm?" His eyes briefly flicker over and when he sees the look of a dying animal on Harry's face he raises both eyebrows and quickly locks his phone. "Oh hey, what's wrong? Not enough?"

"I don't know," Harry complains and squeezes his eyes shut, the same frustration he had felt for the last few days building up again like a goddamn nightmare. "It's nothing."

"Then why do you look like you're about to cry?" Is that what he looks like? Fuck. "Isn't it supposed to feel good?"

Harry's movements falter, his grip around himself tightens and then it all just comes to a stop and he's breathing heavily, throbbing on the outside and on the inside, the need to come so urgent and so overpowering that he just blurts it all out.

"Doesn't feel good. Feels like I'm hurting myself, like I'm..." He takes a deep breath, "pathetic."

Niall makes a sad noise in the back of his throat and then his hands are both on Harry's face, brushing away the curls sticking to his face. "You're not pathetic and I get it, you know? I get why you're doing it."

Harry stares at him with wild eyes. "Yeah, right."

"No, I do. Think you're the only one who needs to feel loved?"

Harry opens his mouth, about to say no, that's not why he's doing it, he just wants to be wanted, wants to be important to someone, close to someone. Horror starts to sink in when he realises that yes, that is why he's doing it. It's the reason why he can't get off, why he didn't even try to get laid ever since this little thing with Niall has started. Whatever that thing is. Can't be friends with benefits because seriously, he's the only one getting something out of it.

And maybe that's what rubbing him off the wrong way, maybe that's why he feels so dirty and wrong all the time and just can't find his orgasm. Because he wants Niall to feel good, too. Not with sex, maybe he just wants to buy him nice things, make him a cup of his favourite ginger-lemon tea, or maybe... maybe he just wants to cuddle him. Because fuck, this is not just a crush, he's in love. Well, congratu-fucking-lations, Harry Styles. You just fell in love with the one boy who doesn't want you.

"Come on, touch yourself," Niall's voice rings through his clouded brain. "I want to see."

"But-"

"Do it, Harry." His blue eyes are so wide, taking in Harry's whole face while he keeps him close.

He sucks in a shuddering breath and closes his eyes, feeling strangely vulnerable when he starts to stroke himself again, a little slower than before. When he looks down between them he can already see a wet patch on Niall's trousers that he left there and his whole face is burning with shame.

"Shh, no, look at me." Niall's fingers tug at his chin. "It's all fine, all good. You're so beautiful, Haz."

Harry whimpers but feels a jolt of arousal climbing up his spine when Niall utters those words as if they were plain obvious. Well, he has obviously heard those words a lot, from more people he can count, from thousands of teenagers and grown ups screaming it into the void. But he has never heard them from Niall before, has never felt them like he does now. He feels beautiful in Niall's presence and keeps fucking into his own hand with the head of his dick brushing relentlessly against Niall's thigh. He pants heavily, squirms and shifts around under Niall's watchful eyes and it's just as good as being ignored, or maybe even better because... because he really fucking likes Niall.

"Fuck," he chokes out when he suddenly comes, harder than ever and with his mouth falling open at the overwhelming moment of clarity. He doesn't want meaningless hook-ups and he doesn't need to be loved by everyone. Just one.

"There you go," Niall mumbles with his lips against Harry's forehead, kissing it softly, then his temple, his cheek and Harry wants him so desperately on his mouth, still squeezing the last few drops of his orgasm out of himself. But he holds back because he knows that there are not a lot of things that Niall likes. He loves to cuddle and if that was all Niall would ever want to do then Harry would be absolutely fine with it. "Wasn't so bad, huh? You are very beautiful and not pathetic at all, trust me."

His face is so close, their noses pressing together while Niall's fingers stroke along Harry's face and his mouth still shapes praises that roll from his tongue so easily. They make Harry almost faint right there because he feels so good. So relieved. There's a sense of finally that he hasn't felt in a long time, like he's actually done, spent, and it's all thanks to Niall.

Something like that must show on his face because Niall's gaze grows incredibly soft and then he tilts his head to press an equally tender kiss to his lips that has Harry almost jump off the bunk because holy fuck, that feels amazing. It's different at first because where Harry usually takes kisses elsewhere, this one just stays the way it is, warm and caring and he doesn't know how to respond to that, he's not used to kisses that don't lead anywhere. But Niall keeps him right here, where he isn't constantly reminded of sex, and when he tips back his head for Niall to deepen the kiss he dares to sneak an arm around him, to touch him lightly, innocently and it is just as nice, it makes his skin tingle but in a different way than sex and oh god, he's so in love, he's so so-

"I love you," he whispers against Niall's lips and then freezes when he realises what he just said. Niall pulls away to look at him, a small smile tugging at his lips and... well, at least he's not disgusted.

"Love you, too, obviously," he says and Harry just fucking takes it and kisses Niall again, trying to keep it as light as Niall had. He's starting to like this kind of kissing a lot.

"Do you mind the thing we're doing?" He asks when their lips part again with a soft sound.

"Nah... why would I?"

"You don't like sex."

Niall sighs. "Yeah, I don't like sex. Don't like to be touched or to touch others. But I don't mind looking at you while you're getting off thinking about me or rubbing off on me... it makes me feel a bit proud, actually. Besides," he drags a finger over Harry's bottom lip, "You're very pleasing to look at, great aesthetics right there in your face."

Harry snorts and tries to swat Niall's hand away which results in a small fight where they grab at each other and grin like it's Christmas. Meanwhile Harry gets tangled up in his trousers which reminds him that he's still half naked and gross and full of his own come. Niall just laughs at Harry and helps him look presentable again, all of it while he keeps trading him kisses. Harry feels like this might become his new addiction.

"So here's what I do like," Niall explains when he draws back. "I like cuddling and I like to kiss. I can give you all of that, if you want it."

Harry nods and reaches up to thread his fingers through Niall's hair because he knows for a fact that this is something he likes, too.

"I want it," Harry says and revels in the smile he receives in return, not quite believing yet that their thing is more than a thing. "I want you... just like that."

"That's why I love you, you know?" Niall mumbles. "You always respect my boundaries, always ask for permission and you never make me feel weird about it."

"Weird?" Harry is confused. "Weird about what?"

Niall rolls his eyes and pinches Harry's side, making him squawk. "You know what. People think it's weird if you don't like sex."

Harry wants to laugh hysterically. "They also think it's weird when you have too much sex. Can't please all of them, Nialler."

"Exactly." Niall gives him a pointed look.

Harry bites at his lips, fingers rubbing over Niall's scalp. "We probably shouldn't work, but I really want us to work," he admits quietly.

Niall beams at him like he just won a cake and hugs Harry close to his chest. "We will work, don't worry. Everything we do, remember?."

So yeah, he doesn't worry and sinks back into Niall's arms instead.

[littlemissmeggie]

Hi! Do you have any writing advice? I have many ideas I would like to make into stories but I don't know how or where to start

hi mouse! i’ll see what i can do... i’m going to put it under the cut so i don’t clog up everyone’s dash with stuff they may not care about. (scroll to the bottom if you just want the short answer.)

my first suggestion would be to make a list of your ideas if you haven’t already. i like to physically write a lot of stuff so i have notebooks that i use for lists, ideas, inspiration for scenes and dialogue, research, and outlines. but if you’re not like me—i think most people aren’t but i’m not sure—make a google doc (or whatever word processing program you use). add to your list whenever you think of a new idea. it helps me keep my mind clear so i can focus on what i’m doing. (sort of like dumbledore with the pensieve, if you know harry potter.)

now, this next suggestion is what i do but i know not everyone does so you might try it and find it’s not helpful or necessary. i write outlines for all of my fics, even my shorter oneshots (not usually drabbles because they tend to be shorter, spur-of-the-moment type things). 

sometimes, as with my most recent fic, it’s just a basic idea of the plot—niall and his boyfriend of six years recently broke up so he decides to take cooking classes because his ex was always the one to do the cooking and now he wants to be able to take care of himself and not feel like he’s dependent and incapable of living on his own. he meets harry at the cooking classes and they become friends. as they spend time together at their classes, he realises he has a crush on harry. they start going on “adventures” outside of the cooking school. insert a little drama in the form of niall’s ex showing up at his flat while harry’s there. harry and niall eventually start dating for real. then i sort of filled in the blanks as i went along, like why niall’s ex broke up with him; what harry and niall’s “adventures” were; what happened when his ex showed up, including the things he said, how harry reacted, etc.; and how their friendship turns into a romantic relationship. i often discover things as i go along, like the fact that harry’s been stood up on every date he was supposed to have and that niall always felt a bit closeted because of his ex’s internalised homophobia.

and sometimes i end up writing really long, incredibly detailed outlines. the outline for my narry model!au started similarly to the one above. but then i started to expand on everything, asking myself questions—why didn’t harry want to meet niall? why was niall initially hesitant to meet harry? why was harry so insecure? how do harry and niall finally meet? and on... often, i’ll find that doing a character profile/background helps me discover things about the character, their personality, how and why they behave the way they do in the fic, etc. i feel this process helps me avoid plot holes to the best of my ability and brings the story to life by creating more three-dimensional characters and not flat characters.

research anything you feel will help bring the story to life. i can’t tell you how many parts of london, dublin, and holmes chapel i’ve explored via google maps. i’ve learned more about the modelling world than i ever thought i would need to know. i know where restaurants i will never go to are, what their menu is, what the decor looks like.

as for the technical side of writing—grammar, punctuation, syntax—i am always reading blogs and websites to improve my skills. how do i correctly punctuate dialogue? what’s the difference between farther and further? lie vs. lay? how about any more and anymore? when do i use an em dash (which i overuse for sure but don’t try to take them away from me!) and when do i use an en dash? what are the different points-of-view and how do i successfully use them? how do i write time in fiction? (like, literally. do i write 1:00 or one o’clock? the correct answer is the second.)

tl;dr take your idea and figure out where you want to start, where you want to end (even if that’s just “happy ending” or “sad ending”), and the basics of how you’ll get there. jot it down (or type it, whatever works for you), even if it’s just a few sentences, so you can remember what you want to do. go as in-depth with an outline as you want. or don’t if you find that doesn’t work for you. but whichever route you go, try to expand and explore your plot, characters, everything. (and if you do write an outline, don’t be afraid to change things as you go if you feel they don’t work. i often find something develops differently than i’d originally planned. i then go and revise my outline to adjust for the changes.) 

challenge yourself. learn as you go and grow. push yourself but not too much. take a break if you are stressing too much.

write whatever you feel comfortable with—don’t try to write smut if you don’t want, don’t try to write angst just because you think you should (i’m terrible with angst), don’t try to write 120,000 words if you feel you’re happy with 6,000—and don’t just try to “give the people what they want.” write for yourself.

and most importantly, have fun! 

i’m sorry if this is too much. i hope i didn’t overwhelm or discourage you. this is just what i’ve found works for me and has helped me develop my writing and skills over the last three years. i always had a good understanding of the technical aspects but it’s improved over the last few years. my first fic was, i believe, just over 6,000 words, took me a month to write, had a very simple one-paragraph outline, and was nowhere near as detailed as my current fics are. i love it because it was my starting point (and is pretty cute, if i say so myself) and it’s encouraging to look back and see how much i’ve grown and learnt and how my style has developed.

please don’t hesitate to ask me more questions (though i’m hardly an expert). or tell me to fuck off if you read this whole thing and you’re like, “what the fuck, meggie, this didn’t help at all.”

xo💕

[jin1s-blog]

top twenty Haylor fanfiction with the most kudos- as of 2/4/2017

1. So It Goes by  disarm_d

They’re not even in the woods yet. Style-era fic.

2. and they come unstuck by estrella30 

He’s at the bottom of the stoop, staring up at her with wide eyes and a small smile quirking his lips. His hair is pulled back tight under a black knit hat and his eyes are bright green. Taylor’s not seen him in person for so long she can barely remember when the last time was. It was probably at some sort of industry function; an awards show or a dinner. Something like that. Not that it matters really. They were together and then they weren’t and then they were friends and now they’re… whatever it is that they’ve fallen into now. Acquaintances, Taylor thinks would be the best word. Acquaintances with close friends in common.

or - harry/taylor futurefic

3.  I could build a castle by littlecather

“This’ll be fun,” he says.

“This’ll take months,” Taylor corrects. “Probably a good year or so, if we’re only coming out here on breaks from tour. I’m not sure how wise this idea of yours was.”

“I was just thinking about us doing it up together,” Harry murmurs. She can hear his smile in the darkness.

In the not too distant future, Taylor and Harry buy and renovate a disused beach house.

4.  Words With Friends by threeturn

Harry rings Taylor the morning after the 2013 VMAs.

5.   baby just say yes by estrella30

Harry flashes her his widest grin. “I’m Harry,” he says and holds his hand out again. This time she takes it and Harry notices her hand is smaller than his, her fingers long and thin, the edges of her fingertips just a little rough. Harry remembers that she plays guitar sometimes, that she writes a lot, and all of a sudden he wants to know everything he can about her, everything that she’ll let him know.

6.  Style by CountingGlitter

Taylor thought their story was over. Harry knew it was not. And fate had a different plan.....

7.  Breaking Down and Coming Undone by Turtles

That one fic where Taylor Swift pegs Harry Styles.

8.  Swiftly by madamezuzu

Harry Styles sits down for an interview about his latest album after a twelve year absence in the music industry, after remaining silent for nineteen years. He's finally ready to say all the things he's never said.

Each track off the album tells a different story that happened between Taylor and Harry over the years.

9. Don't Go Too Slow by ladadadi 

"Wanna try something," he mumbled, "just…." Harry scooted down the bed until his face was right under her crotch. "'Kay, sit down."

10.  my choice is you by becka

"I just wanted it to be right," she says, "with someone who’d know how to treat me well. I didn't want to just throw it away, but I didn't want to make too much of it either. I love a handsome prince on a noble steed, but I can be realistic."

Taylor is a girl who knows what she wants. And she knows she wants Harry to give it to her. Set post-MSG.

11. And we run by becka 

The Swift is a superhero who keeps having to rescue hapless pop star Harry Styles. Taylor Alison is a country songwriter who hopes collaborating with a mainstream pop act will expand her professional horizons. Being the woman behind both means keeping everyone at a distance. But Taylor can't help wanting to let Harry in closer.

12.  Night Changes by loveinslowmotion

When Harry asked Taylor on a spontaneous camping trip, he'd been sure she was going to say no. An hour later, they were heading out of the city together and making a tragic attempt at setting up a tent. With marshmallow roasting, awkward dancing, hair braiding, Polaroid taking, song sharing, hiking adventures, friend phone calls, playing doctor, copious amounts of chocolate, and hands that won't keep to themselves, feelings run high when they realise just how fast the night changes.

13.  august and everything after by fliptomybside

Taylor takes a break. She doesn't come back.

14.  We Never Go Out Of Style by stolenkissesprettylies

"wanna go for a drive?” the text reads and Taylor can feel the lump in her throat forming. It’s so familiar, it feels like four months ago, when it was totally normal for Harry to drive over and pick her up. But it’s not normal, not anymore.

15.  see me in hindsight by ymorton

taylor said something about running her new songs by exes and it got a little out of hand

16.  Paper Airplanes by ForeverChasingDreams

Harry loves her with everything he has, see. Love was never the problem, never the cause of the fights and the silent nights and the tears. Because how can one relationship take the pressure of a million eyes watching their every move?

Based upon Taylor Swift's new song, Out Of The Woods.

17. It’s Okay to Miss Them by burnthiscityxx 

"Writing songs is like writing everything you wanted to say to the person that you secretly are in love with. Or someone who absolutely broke your heart and you never told them that was a really terrible thing to do. Or someone that you miss that you’re not allowed to miss because they are bad for you. It’s like writing all of those things down and putting it in a bottle and throwing it out into the ocean, and maybe someday they’ll hear it and they’ll know it, but maybe they won’t. And maybe that’s a really cowardly way to live your life, or maybe it’s the bravest possible way to live your life." - Taylor Swift.

In which Harry and Taylor come to terms with themselves, the world they live in, and each other.

18.  I hope the cracks in the pavement lead back to you by fliptomybside

Taylor runs. Harry finds her.

19.  this is my night; this is my dream by blueandbrady

Harry goes back to Taylor's hotel room with her after the MSG after party.

20.  We Are The Foxes by loveinslowmotion

How do you sneak in to a Taylor Swift concert when you're two of the members of the biggest boy band? You dress up like the ridiculous fools you are.

(I know I said ‘top twenty’ but there are some of my personal favorite fics who didn’t make the cut so fuck it, I’ll include them)

alive in spite of rising water by brokendrums (narry x haylor) (ot3) 

Harry enlists in the army and Niall has no choice but to follow suit.

  The Clearing by aroceu 

The monsters turned out to be just trees. 

This is the Game They Play by burnthiscityxx 

"You always kind of have that person, that one person who you feel might interrupt your wedding and be like, ‘Don’t do it cause we’re not over yet’. I think everybody has that one person who kind of floats in and out of their life, and the narrative is never truly over." - Taylor Swift.

“I think a lot of the time, you still have feelings for an ex…and sometimes, it doesn’t matter how long it’s been. Sometimes you feel like you have unfinished stuff and it’s okay to get back together with them.” - Harry Styles. In which Harry and Taylor play the game.

the words you spoke by siempreniall 

Taylor hasn't done this before--showing her exes the songs she's written about them before the rest of the world gets its chance. Harry, though... Harry's always been different, hasn't he?

A story in ten parts.

[alivingfire]

I don't know if you've been asked this, but what are some of your favorite Larry fics? I've read all the classics and am in dire need of more good fics. Or if you could link me to some good fic recs it would be much appreciated!

i can definitely do that! non-classic faves, coming up: 

→ To The Ends of the EarthDuring a yearlong hiatus, Louis visits Harry at his cabin in Idaho, where long-buried feelings ignite like the fire keeping them warm.

→ let’s savour what we’re falling overwest wing au (loosely); in other words everyone works in the white house and louis likes getting coffee with the washington post reporter in his briefing room.

→ Coax the ColdEngland, 1897. English Professor Louis Tomlinson’s passion for the occult has been a source of mockery and derision for most of his life. When he hears whispers of a travelling freak show newly established in London claiming the existence of a monstrous sea hybrid, half-man, half-fish, Louis sees it as his ticket to credibility amongst his peers. The summer he spends undercover working on the show, however, gives him much more than that.

→ Destined for More (ot5)Once their hands are sticky with molten marshmallow and the packet is empty, Louis is the first one to call it. "I get the middle," he shouts suddenly and flings himself onto the trampoline, hardly bouncing due to the pillows softening his fall.

Niall is next to him in the blink of an eye and soon they're all up there, trying to sort out their limbs and sleeping bags alike.

"Think it'll hold us," Liam asks, looking at it with apprehension.

Louis jumps to his knees and starts bouncing like that. "That depends on what you have us do, Lee-yum." He leers at Liam suggestively, waggling his eyebrows. "Wanna test the springs?"

Liam sighs. "Can someone muffle him?"

Or the one where Louis is a bit of a slut, Zayn doesn't like it in the bum, Niall mostly just likes playing the guitar, Liam is like 100% straight, Harry is a cheeky flirt, but also gets off to subbing during sex. There's some coming-to-terms-with-yourself ziam, some mild D/s larry, friendly-blowjobs narry, first-time-gay-sex lilo, some shared crossdressing-kink shenanigans zarry, some dp lilourry, lots of fluffy ot5, oh and at the end there's even kid!fic, too.

→ CommonHenry VIII ruined it for everybody. Now the king or queen can only marry a person chosen by the magic of the church, or disaster will befall Britain. Prince Louis, heir apparent to the British throne, dislikes most things about his inheritance--but most of all that it could keep him from finding the real love of his life.

→ domestic monsters (series)Harry is a witch from a long line of power, an ancient line that’s one of the strongest left alive in their hemisphere. He can cast spells without a word if need be, fly on a broomstick, and has a black cat (a kitten, really) named Felix that is his animal familiar. He can shape galaxies in his cupped hands and can destroy them just as easily. He can choose exactly how to use his power, for encouragement and support, or for more nefarious causes if he wishes to.

And as fate would have it, he’s scared of haunted houses.

(Harry is a witch who carries around a stuffed pumpkin, Louis is a vampire with too much time on his hands, and their best mates Zayn & Niall aren't exactly what they seem...)

→ In This LightHarry is a wardrobe stylist who likes to live in the moment, and Louis is a popstar who looks dreamy in double breasted jackets. Harry never stood a chance.

→ but me, i’m not a gambleA Posh & Becks AU in which Harry is a star on the stage and Louis is a star on the pitch, but they're both inexplicably terrible at articulating their feelings. In the end, it only takes a season's worth of failed matchmaking schemes, platonic dinner dates, road trip holidays, and one very convenient David Beckham cameo for them to figure it all out. And if Niall knew all along? Well, he at least has the decency not to be too smug about it.

→ Alguien Te Quiere...Y Alguien Soy Yo (Someone Loves You, And That Someone Is Me)Niall learns, when he’s five years old, that people, even the ones that mean the most to you, walk away. (HELLO I HAVEN’T SCREAMED ABOUT THIS ONE IN LIKE A GOOD FEW MONTHS!!!)

→ Something in the World TodayIt shouldn’t be a surprise, the first time that Louis drops to his knees in front of Harry. It shouldn’t be, because it’s been something that Louis has needed for a long time. It shouldn’t be, because he’s been crawling out of his skin for weeks on end. It shouldn’t be, because Harry always makes him feel better. It shouldn’t be, because he’s needed this even when he didn’t know that he needed it.

Somehow, it still is.

[apollos-favourite-bastard]

ANNUAL WRITING SELF-EVAL ‘16

Amanda @butterflytattoohaz tagged me in this, and she’d probably fly here and murder me if I ignore her, so-

1. List of works published this year:

Guiding Light, Living in Wonderland, Baby You Got Me Sick, Buzzing Underneath, Ain’t Nothin’ but a Hound Dog, and my parts of A Very Narry Christmas (I’m not listing them all because I’m too lazy to link that much)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Honestly, it’s probably ANbaHD. I went into that story with a very focused mission, which was to create a character who struggled with mental illness, but who didn’t just get better because they fell in love. I wanted to tell a story about the very real and painful way people struggle with mental health issues, and how, sometimes, it can be one step forward and ten steps back. I feel like I accomplished that with this one, unlike some of my other works.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

My parts of AVNC, because I don’t like writing drabbles, and I feel like a lot of them were lacking in any real substance.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Okay, so- I’ve given this answer, and it hasn’t changed.

“I’m supposed to protect you!” Ashton chokes out.

“Ashton Fletcher Irwin, I can protect my own damn self!” Luke groans. “I don’t need you to do it for me!”

“But-” Ashton starts.

“No.” Luke says firmly, kneeling onto the bed in front of Ashton and taking his face in his hands. “I don’t need it. I get it. Sometimes, I seem like a damsel in distress. I know I’m silly and flirty and I wear knickers and paint my nails and tuck my dick into my ass and I’m a girly-fucking-girl. I’m a princess, and I love that. But I also learned a long time ago how to be my own knight in shining armor. I don’t need you to protect me. I just need you to be my Prince Charming. I just need you to love me.”

Everything about this tiny little part of this exchange is so important to me, because I think it’s a lesson that a lot of people need to learn. Luke is a character who struggles with his own anxiety as much as Niall or Ashton does in this fic. He has a lot of shame that he’s internalized over the years, and it’s taken him a long time to get to the point where he’s okay with being all of himself. And Ashton is a big part of his recovery from what the world has done to him, but, in the end, it really boils down to him choosing to stand up for himself. Luke is strong, and he made himself strong by choosing not to be weak, but that also doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still need someone who can handle him at his best and his worst. 

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Okay, so- It’s this one.

Jessica @missing-headache is- She’s the best of us. And I don’t just mean Narry writers (though she is that too) or anything so shallow as that. I mean humans. Jessica is just the purest soul on this planet. And the thing is, purity is a target. The world loves to try and make the pure, impure. It loves to try and darken the shine of those things that glow, because impurity cannot stand the sight of purity. The world has tried again and again to darken itself to bring Jessica to its level, but it can’t. Because, the most important thing about purity is that it can only be corrupted by itself.

Jessica is quite possibly the least confident person I’ve ever had the privilege to know. She can’t see her own worth, because the world can’t darken her, but it can darken the mirror through which she sees herself. The only thing Jessica has confidence in is her feelings, which- She feels everything with her whole heart. Everything she says, everything she thinks, is all so fucking tangible that it makes my heart clench. Every word she says to me, I take to heart, because I can’t not when it comes straight from hers.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

This whole year, honestly. Especially since summer. I lost inspiration to be a writer in July or so, and the only reason that I even finished ANbaHD is guilt. I didn’t want to leave it unfinished like so many other stories, because it held a special meaning.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Ashton in ANbaHD. Ashton wasn’t supposed to be a permanent fixture in ANbaHD, but I fell in love with him. He became this mirror for Niall’s character, but he was all himself at the same time. They were so similar, but so different, and the only reason either of them could really get better was because they knew that they’d each have the other if they stumbled. They may not be in love, but there’s so much love there that it puts most of the relationships to shame.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I feel like I didn’t really. If anything, I regressed a bit, towards the end.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’ve never been the kind of person who could set goals for that sort of thing. You can’t become something or someone just by wanting to be. I’m more the kind of person who’s just interested in seeing who I am, than wanting to be anything specific.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Kayla @narrymusings and Julia @lovehopetwistt are the only reasons I’ve made it this far. I would have quit earlier if it weren’t for them.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

I always share little bits of my soul with my characters. It’s the only way that I know how to write.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I’m going to piggyback off of Amanda, and say ‘If you love it, if you enjoy it, never stop.’

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Just need to finish GR and the DtRH epilogue, and then I’m retiring, so- No.

14. Tag three (or as many) writers whose answers you’d love to read:

@narrymusings and @missing-headache are the ones I’m going to tag, because idk who’s done this and who hasn’t, but I’m pretty sure neither of them have?

[runaway-train-works]

11/11/11 Tag 📝 again...

I was tagged by @ham-palpert and @halosboat to do this (thank you darlings!) and they had some great questions so I picked a few from each list to create a list of eleven. And yes, this is my third one but they are fun💕

I realise you are probably all sick of this tag by now, so feel free to ignore this but I’m going to tag eleven different people to answer my questions this time around because I’m nosy and I do genuinely love seeing everyone’s answers to things like this. 

@beau-soleil-louis, @pocketsunshineharry, @kingsofeverything, @crinkle-eyed-boo, @helloamhere, @yourpricelessadvice, @bottomlinsons, @forreveries, @flicker-album, @lightwoodsmagic and @larrymaybe22 😘

My answers and my questions are under the cut.

✍🏻 What trope is your favourite to write?

Hate to say it but enemies to lovers. A healthy dose of sexual tension and angst before the love and fluff, always a winner.

✍🏻 What are your methods for getting rid of a writer’s block?

Writing drabbles. Working on something small and fun that doesn’t really mean anything or require a lot of thinking and plot helps me clear the cobwebs.

✍🏻 Do you consider tags necessary for fics or are they just spoiling the content?

Urgh, I have a serious love/hate relationship with tags. I completely and utterly understand why triggering tags need to used, people need to be safe, but I hate how I feel obliged to tag everything about my fic so people can decide if they are going to read a 40k fic based on a few, possibly out of context, tags. And yes, they are spoilers, sorry that’s a fact. Like my ridiculous fic has a big twist in it and I know I’m going to have to tag what it is because I will get so much shit if don’t and that really annoys me. Also, I think tags are good to be able to find fics again but some tags are completely unnecessary and no good to anyone. You don’t get tags on normal books or movies or tv shows. You get a summary or a trailer and you have to decide for yourself if it’s what you are interested in. People need to be more adventurous and less reliant on tags in my humble opinion.

✍🏻 Was there a fic that made you cry?

Not that I recall, but I don’t read much sad stuff and with happy stuff, I’m more fist bumping the air to myself in bed like the single loser I am than crying with happiness.

✍🏻 Are you participating in any exchanges/fests?

Yes! I’m doing an anon fic for the ridiculous fic exchange (I’m also a mod) which may include a controversial for the fandom trope (👀👀👀), then I’ve got a fluffy mpreg one planned, then my 28 proposals fest fic and then I have an idea for a fic for the royal fic fest which I am super excited about! Basically got the next nine months of fics planned out.

✍🏻 Have you ever been burned by a WIP that never updated?  If so, describe that traumatic experience.

Yes!!! OK so there was a Narry fic ages ago where Harry was a secret admirer of Niall’s but like kinda lowkey stalking him from afar and it was a bit dark to be honest but I got hooked and the writer kept leaving little clues as to who the person might be in Niall’s life and then they stopped updating and then deleted it and I NEVER FOUND OUT WHO HARRY WAS!!!! It was very upsetting. 

✍🏻 Speaking of WIPs, do you like writing (or reading) them?  Why or why not?

Most of the time I avoid them, unless it’s a writer I know is pretty safe to depend on and regularly updates. I worry I’ll get burned AND I also have a shit memory so if they don’t update pretty regularly I forget what’s happened. I’ll be releasing my ABO fic as a WIP but I’m writing the entire thing first so I know it’s good to go.

✍🏻 Do you enjoy writing smut scenes?  Does it make you feel super awkward?  Do you need to have a cigarette afterwards?

Hmmmm. This is hard one (no pun intended). I don’t think I’m very good at writing smut for a start. I read other smutty fics and I’m like ‘jesus, i need a cold shower that was so good’ and I don’t have the talent to make mine like that yet. I do, however, like writing smut in the sense that I love writing the chemistry between the characters and having them be intimate and tender with each other or just go to town and be wild with it, depending on their dynamic and the plot. I hate it because it takes me so long to write a scene because you have to be like ‘shit where was his hand? Are they still in their underwear? Would that position be possible on a sofa? etc etc etc and it can be tedious. I also always want to try and be at least somewhat original somewhere with a smut scene with the way I write it, but there really are only so many ways you can write ‘they fucked’.

✍🏻 Do you click through the recently updated list on AO3 or read exclusively fic recs? Or a bit of both?

I’ve only been on tumblr since last summer, so before that, I literally just had to trawl through Ao3. If I found a fic I liked, I’d then go through the writers back catalogue, then start again with the most recently updated. Now, I go pretty much off fic recs on tumblr. I bookmark a fic I want to read when I see an interesting mood board or people are raving about a fic. my bookmarks are ridiculous at the moment because I’ve not been reading nearly as often since I changed my job and no longer travel for an hour there and back every day.

✍🏻 Are you someone who comments on the fics you read (and liked)?

I’m so bad at this. I don’t know what to say other than ‘i loved this it was cute/hot’. I know I should comment more because I know how lovely it is to receive them, but I guess I’m just too self-conscious about it or something stupid.

✍🏻 Of all the fics you’ve written, which one came to you the easiest?

My camboy one No One But You Got Me Feeling This Way. The whole thing popped into my head fully formed and I literally wrote it in a day.

✨Here are my 11 questions:

What fic/trope do you really want to write but haven’t yet?

What was the first ever fic you wrote and what made you decide to take the plunge and write it?

Is there a writer that you love that you think needs more attention and kudos in the fandom?

Have you got any long abandoned WIPs lurking?

Do your close family/friends outside the fandom read your fics?

Do you ever re-read your own fics after posting them?

If you had to write a sequel to one of your fics tomorrow, which one would it be and why?

What kinds of fics/tropes do you think we need more of in the fandom?

How often do you spend writing in an average week and is there a certain time of day/day of the week you do it?

What are your tips for getting out of a writing funk?

What can people expect from your next fic?

[jlf23tumble]

Four Hangout: Recap

Oh, man, I know I “owe” this one, so I’m doing it, but I hate it for about 15 different reasons, 14 of those being Ben Winston, which means I’m gonna keep this fairly short. The Four Hangout (lmao, I will never stop laughing at the attempts to team up with Google’s shitty tech) predates my entry into this fandom, so I’m not as on top of every little thing that happened around it (and my god, there were some doozies). I’ve found other posts that do a better job of transcribing some key moments), but I’m sure lots of others are out there, and as ever, I recommend taking 35 minutes to stare at this work of art for yourself.

Whenever I’ve seen gifs from this, the read is that at least two people are coming off a coke bender as we all focus on Ben’s rather ham-fisted attempt to get Louis to admit that he hates people thinking he’s gay. But in rewatching it in full now and knowing more about the context around it, the true vibe is exhaustion mixed with some very real anger/mulishness aimed at management in general and Ben in particular. Because the point of the Four Hangout isn’t to promote Four, the album, but to exonerate the D’s management team, blow smoke up Ben’s ass, and “clear the air” about whatever rumors have been going around that the D’s team doesn’t like, all posed as questions theoretically from the fans, yet weirdly management focused.

I’ve found lots of good blog posts that summarize these 35 or so minutes, but here’s an executive summary of my comments coupled with others I’ve found:

Ben Winston is an insufferable dick

The D is so fucking TIRED at this point, everyone’s low energy, but Louis’s voice is the softest, raspiest, most enchanting thing

They regularly creep on social media and are up on pretty much everything fandom related

There are no rumors they need to dismiss except that they’re currently alive, go on, ask them twice!

Liam is great at delivering the corporate spiel

Harry really did get them sneezes out

The Louis/Ben feud is one thing; the Harry/Ben feud is a whole other

Louis reads fanfic (and has some faves!)

Narry are ride or die WMYB, except for when Harry needs to have a go at Ben

Zayn has somehow made himself look even more godlike

Louis has super cute socks

With that in mind, let’s jump into some key moments, but I’m paraphrasing a lot because it’s so hard to hear over all the cross-talk, asides, and inside jokes. More under the cut!

Shout out to Louis's collarbones and quiff combo...his voice is about to give out, but he’s so OPEN and present for this total shitshow, even when he defiantly refuses to take the path he’s being guided down. Also, please @ god let me play some poker while we enjoy a bacon butty over brunch, his face as Niall introduces Ben as a “very, very good friend of ours” (me as both Ziam and Harry):

One of the most subversive things this band does is effusive praise when they’re pissed off, and never is it clearer than here, when Niall gushes on about all the wonderful work Ben has done for them, and the other boys pick up on it and start whistling and clapping (Louis: “My hero”; Harry: “LOOK AT THOSE TEETH!”) until Ben gets extremely uncomfortable.

We’re off to a good start, with Ben being sure to preface that all of these questions are from the fans, and then Harry asking Ben if he’s wearing makeup (Ben, mildly affronted, “No, I’m not wearing any makeup, but you guys do, you wear a lot of makeup, don't you, Harry” [Harry: “Tons”; Ben: “Well, you need to”]).

The first question is about the difference between this album and their first one, and it’s such a stupid, easy question that I want to answer it for Niall because I can do it in my sleep. Ben then asks Louis if he likes visiting the X Factor, if it reminds him of the old days (you know, four years ago), and AGAIN, this is a dumb-ass question, and Louis’s a pro, so what do you think he’s gonna say? (Of course he likes visiting, it’s lovely to go down and relive it). Is Harry nervous about playing there again tonight? Nope, it’s fun!! He can enjoy it this time around! Simon Cowell doesn’t give him ANY anxiety!!

The next question is about the simplicity of the old days, and my god, does my heart break for Liam saying that they had to work really hard back then, so it’s nice that four years later, they get a few more vacation days. Louis agrees, adding that the first American promo trip was a grind where they did 10 things a day (multiple interviews, signings, radio appearances, rehearsals, and shows)

Ben asks if they ever go back and watch clips of themselves from their early days (this genuinely does seem like a fan ask), and wouldn’t you know, Niall was just chillin’ out last week, rewatching all the video diaries again. Louis admits that his red trousers and braces were loud, but they worked for the time, “Or do you disagree, Ben?” (Ben: “No, I loved it.” Louis: “Thank you.”) And I wish I could travel back in time both so I could kill Hitler AND witness Ben showing up somewhere in a pair of Toms, only to be faced by Louis Tomlinson telling him that he wore that style two years ago, and he wouldn’t anymore, which Ben says cut him down to size (I highly doubt that, but I would have love to see it).

All of this fashion talk is side-winding into a question about who tells them what to wear and whether they have control over their image now. They all note that they wouldn’t have dared to push back in year one, presumably because “experts” were telling them what to do, plus it was all free (which makes all the dragging on their old looks extra fun to watch). Then Ben asks whether they make their own decisions now, and Liam says yeah as Louis smirks, lmaooooo, which morphs into, well, we have much more input than we used to have. I’m here for Harry giving a slow, long-winded answer as a construction project starts up somewhere in the studio, and Louis yells, “Keep it down” into his mic.

Ben, I mean, the fans want to know what piece of advice they’d give the fetus versions of themselves, if they could go back in time, and Louis advises his younger self to have a second glance in the mirror and see if he’s really sure about that particular outfit. (Ben: “Is that…really?” Louis: “No, Ben, I’m just trying to make a joke.”). Liam would fight the haircuts, and Harry would burn the supras (I’m assuming; Louis: “They were outrageous”). Zayn would tell his younger self to have a bit more fun, to try and take it all in and enjoy it more. :(

“The fans” are curious about the negative side of social media, how the D just exploded on YouTube and Twitter after X Factor, and does it ever go too far? Liam channels my inbox and says that people forget there’s a person on the other side of an anon message, that these guys see all the things that are said about them, and they’re self-conscious with cameras and comments, but it’s okay, they put up with it. Louis’s addicted to Twitter, and says that there are negative people there, but you’ll find negative people on every social media platform and in real life, too, it is what it is.

Of course, “the fans” are curious about how all this social media shit affects their girlfriends, and I would kill to hear more about what Narry, the two singles on this couch, keep giggling about in this ridick convo that I’m not even gonna bother to sum up.

Ben’s curious how the fans always manage to leak everything the band does, and yes, Louis, tell us more! How does it make you feel? Liam thinks it’s anticlimactic, Niall’s only beef is when something is leaked a week before it’s out, and everyone else just gets annoyed if it breaks the structure of a rollout, but nobody talks about songs that are leaked that were never meant for official release (cough cough, "Home”), and Harry’s just happy people get a sneak peek and then still buy the album, so all is good. Me as this exchange: Ben, incredulously, “It’s amazing they’re able to constantly do it”; Liam: “Lots of high-tech people out there.”

Probably my favorite part of this is the fanfic discussion, which kicks off with Ben’s “I've noticed, not that I’ve read it, but there's been a lot of fanfiction published about you boys, books published, have you any read it?”

Zayn avoids it at all costs, but Louis’s aware of a fic writer’s book deal (who????) and says that he’s come across some of it on twitter (!!!). He finds some of it utterly bizarre (looking at you, self-inserts), but he’s read some nice little stories, and he’s seen some that go very deep and very, very weird. Liam acknowledges that it’s a whole different world, that he gets the idea of it, of fans putting themselves in situations with them (and Jesus Christ, it kills me that they’ve had to read self-insert wattpad fics), but some of it blows his mind. Niall doesn’t know where to go looking for it, but don’t worry friend, Ben’s gonna hook you up with his favorites! Harry is noticeably quiet during ALL of this.

With a horrible segue, Ben says, “Speaking of things that are made up, what’s the biggest rumor you’ve heard about yourself, this is a question lots of fans are asking” (SURE THING), and Harry never gets enough credit for his dry delivery, such as the way he says, “We’ve all been dead a couple of times.” But Ben can’t let it go, and that’s when Louis does his whole, “No”….dramatic pause (he might be saying “Go,” but the point is, he lets this bit drop where it lands). Zayn jumps in with the rumor that Niall used to be a jockey, and god bless him, honestly.

Ben realizes he’s not getting anywhere with this, so it’s time to move on to the actual album, why is it called Four, etc. It’s not really all that interesting, tbh, nor is the name they didn’t go with as a band (Liam’s dad’s suggestion, which was USP, if you’re curious). Liam figures USP will flourish one day, and this whole section proves how funny Liam actually is. I’m curious about all the One Direction tribute bands they’re mentioning, and I’m totally down to check one out if they’re ever in my area, just fwiw.

Anyway, moving on! What song are they most proud of? Zayn loves “Where Do Broken Hearts Go,” and Louis is WAY into “Fireproof,” which Liam’s down with, too. The part that’s interesting gets glossed over because Ben’s an idiot, but they talk about how many songs they’ve written that don’t make it to the album, like, Liam has a tattoo that says “somewhere is a place that nobody knows” from a song we’ll never hear called “Man on a Mission,” and how many others are stored in this vault (23 or 24 were in the final running for this album, where are they)? Harry suggests those songs will be on USP’s first album, and I will absolutely buy it. His story about the Norway bus trip makes me want to dig deep (he was on a party bus in Norway and heard one of their songs, sung by them, that had never been released anywhere, and he was the only one who knew it).

Zayn hints a bit at what happens (voting), and Liam hints at all the meetings, but I would love to know so much more about this process, especially since Niall says that lots of people are in these meetings, with lots of opinions (Simon, label, other managers).

Ben says that another recurring question is about what “Stockholm Syndrome” means, and I love the Alex Turner-esque dodge we get on Harry literally describing what Stockholm Syndrome means, without any real insight into what the song’s about. Still, I live in the awkward that happens right after this drops, with Ben still somehow trying to get them to admit they don’t feel trapped, lmao:

Ben asks about which songs are about specific people, and god, I don’t care because all of this section is lies. Then he tries to get them to talk about songs they don’t like, and they aren’t here for that, like, Liam will say he can’t casually listen to WMYB, but he loves performing it, and the best part of this is Harry saying he’ll crank that song and mouth along, pretending that he’s Niall.

For their favorite songs, Liam goes with “Fireproof,” Louis goes with “Midnight Memories,” Niall goes with “Where Do Broken Hearts Go,” Zayn can’t pick one, and Harry says “Best Song Ever.” Ben likes “Through the Dark” because of course he does, and that’s when the needling from Harry starts about “Gotta Be You,” and I don’t understand, but I live for him on the attack, so geddit, son (also, Niall, with his “your boyfriend’s back, and you’re gonna be in trouble,” etc., YES).

Another question Ben kept getting from fans (got it!) is what would be the one thing they’d change in the past four years, and Louis starts with, “Why would you want to? It’s been great, there’s no point.” Liam agrees, and that’s that. Ben’s next question is what moment they’d relive in the past four years, and Niall says he was really nervous at MSG, although Zayn thinks it was a great gig BECAUSE they were nervous. Nothing’s really happening here, so Ben asks Harry what’s going on with his hair (I guess “the fans” want to know?), and Harry just says it tends to grow, that’s what hair does, and he’s letting it all hang out.

Another “fan” question that makes me laugh from Ben: “Who makes the decisions in One Direction? Is it always your call?” And they all say NO, but Liam jumps in with, “It’s totally us, people ask us now, ultimately we call the shots,” and there’s a LOT of back-chatter here, so draw what you see.

Ben tries to push how much they love the “Night Changes,” video, and AGAIN, Harry gets on his case about “Gotta Be You,” and someone else covers it better than I ever could, but this goading by Harry is wonderful. Ben’s creative process for video concepts is fascinating because he basically admits that it’s easy or it’s really hard (read: he steals it or just throws a shitty idea to a wall to see if it sticks).

Ben asks if they get nervous about people liking the album, and Louis says they care if critics like the album or not, but really, he’s out there on twitter searching different song titles to see the fan reaction. This is also when we learn they aren’t on ye olde social meeds that much anymore, but they all enjoy a good old-fashioned creep session (Zayn especially). Harry’s comment about feeling vulnerable when you release something you’ve been working on for a year feels especially poignant—he gets excited and nervous all at once—and I really don’t get this whole controlled leak promo thing they did for Four, but who am I to question Modest or Syco?? All I want to know is what Niall’s talking about on the side.