#when Hippolytus was in agony

[superkooku]

Memes to make fun of Theseus (and Pirithous)

Or alternatively:

[lionofchaeronea]

A Hymn to Asclepius

Asclepius I sing, whom men call Paean, Bearer of a rod entwined with snakes Whose touch brings health to those in agony – Son of Apollo and Coronis he, Plucked from his mother’s womb as she lay burning And nursed to growth by Leto’s shining son. His limbs waxed strong, but no less strong in mind He learned what herbs can stanch a bleeding wound, What charms bring death, and what charms can upend it. To all in need he offered up his art: To kings and peasants, gods and mortal men – Nor did he charge a fee, as men do now. When Hippolytus was dragged to death by horses, The victim of his father’s thoughtless curse, Asclepius picked up his limbs and stitched them Back together, breathed into his mouth And raised him out of Hades, fresh and new – An act of mercy, but the dark All-Gatherer Thought it a crime, impinging on his rights. And so he made complaint to mighty Zeus, Who hurled his invincible thunderbolt And smote Apollo’s son to steaming ash. Great was Apollo’s weeping then, and great The mourning wails of every mortal mouth Because they were bereft of Asclepius’ aid. In course of time the Thunderer repented And, at his son’s behest, raised up the Healer, Giving him an honored place on Olympus And setting his form among the shining stars. Hail, Apollo and Coronis’ child, Be gracious unto me, and favor me With good health, free from injury and ailment, Into a rich old age. And in return I shall favor you with many gifts, And give you honor in my songs as well.

Marble relief of Asclepius and his daughter Hygieia (Health). Artist unknown; end of 5th century BCE. Now in the Istanbul Archaeological Museums. Photo credit: Prioryman/Wikimedia Commons.

[seekfirstme]

"So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart.” (Matthew 18: 35).

Thursday 13th August 2020, 19th Week in Ordinary Time is the feast of a Pope and an anti Pope: Saints Pontian, Pope and Hippolytus, anti Pope (priest). By a mysterious design of Divine Providence, both waring clerics found themselves in the the same prison at the same time. They reconciled and were martyred together under the Emperor Maximinus Thrax. (+ 235).

Our heavenly Father will smile upon Pontian and Hippolytus as He welcomed them into paradise because they heard the message of His Son, Jesus Christ and forgave "his brother from his heart."

How about you sister? How about you brother? Do you know anyone you need to forgive today from your heart? Think about this:

#1 "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." (Matthew 6: 12).

#2 David said to God after his serious sins: "I have sinned. Have mercy on me." The Father said to David: "Your sins have been forgiven."

#3 From the cross while still in excruciating agony, Jesus prayed: "Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing."

#4 Nelson Mandela was put behind maximum security prison for 27 years of torture. By the mystery of Divine Providence, when he was released, he became the President of a large and rich country. The first thing he did was to forgive all those who persecuted him.

How to deal with the poison of Unforgivenness:

#1 Ask for forgiveness for your sins every day.

#2 Ask God every day to grant the grace to all those you have offended to forgive you.

#3 Use the power of the Sacrament of Reconciliation to break the poisonous strangle of unforgiveness.

Never forget the forgiveness of the Lord!

Daily Bible Verse @ Seekfirstcommunity.com

[my-name-is-apollo]

There is no one original version of this story (or any Greek myth), the myth is retold by different authors in their works. One detailed accounts is given by Ovid in his Metamorphoses, there are descriptions of artworks of Hyacinthus done by Philostratus the elder and Philostratus the younger. (I've linked to the translation of their work, so give it a read if you can, those 3 are my favorite)

Some other sources are:

Apollodorus, Bibliotheca 1. 16 (trans. Aldrich) (Greek mythographer C2nd A.D.) :

"Aphrodite, furious with [the Muse] Kleio (Clio). . . caused her to fall in love with Magnes' son Pieros (Pierus). As a result of their union she bore him a son Hyakinthos (Hyacinthus). Thamyris, son of Philammon and the Nymphe Argiope, the first male to love other males, fell in love with Hyakinthos. Later on Apollon, who also loved him, accidentally killed him with a discus."

Hesiod, Catalogues of Women Fragment 102 (trans. Evelyn-White) (Greek epic C8th or 7th B.C.) :

". . rich-tressed Diomede; and she bare Hyakinthos (Hyacinthus), the blameless one and strong . . .whom, on a time Phoibos (Phoebus) [Apollon] himself slew unwittingly with a ruthless disk."

Apollodorus, Bibliotheca 3. 116 (trans. Aldrich) (Greek mythographer C2nd A.D.) :

"Amyklas (Amyclas) and Lapithes' daughter Diomede had Kynortes (Cynortes) and Hyakinthos (Hyacinthus). They tell how this Hyakinthos was loved by Apollon, who accidentally killed him while hurling a discus."

Bion, Poems 11 (trans. Edmonds) (Greek bucolic C2nd to 1st B.C.) :

"When he beheld thy [Hyakinthos'] agony Phoibos (Phoebus) [Apollon] was dumb. He sought every remedy, he had recourse to cunning arts, he anointed all the wound, anointed it with ambrosia and with nectar; but all remedies are powerless to heal the wounds of Fate."

Pausanias, Description of Greece 3. 1. 3 (trans. Jones) (Greek travelogue C2nd A.D.) :

"Amyklas (Amyclas), son of Lakedaimon (Lacedaemon), wished to leave some memorial behind him, and built [Amyklai (Amyclae)] a town in Lakonia. Hyakinthos (Hyacinthus), the youngest and most beautiful of his sons, died before his father, and his tomb is in Amyklai below the image of Apollon. On the death of Amyklas the empire came to Aigalos (Aegalus), the eldest of his sons, and afterwards, when Aigalos died, to Kynortas (Cynortas). Kynortas had a son Oibalos (Oebalus)."

Plutarch, Numa 4 :

And therefore it is no mistake when the ancient poets tell their tales of the love Apollo bore Phorbas, Hyacinthus, and Admetus, as well as the Sicyonian Hippolytus also, of whom it is said, that, as often as he set out to sail from Sicyon to Cirrha, the Pythian priestess, as though the god knew of his coming and rejoiced

Colluthus, Rape of Helen 240 ff (trans. Mair) (Greek poetry C5th to 6th A.D.) :

"The shrine of Hyakinthos (Hyacinthus) [at Amyklai (Amyclae) in Lakedaimonia], whom once while he played as a boy with Apollon the people of Amyklai marked and marvelled whether he too had not been conceived and borne by Leto to Zeus. But Apollon knew not that he was keeping the youth for envious Zephyros (the West Wind). And the earth, doing a pleasure to the weeping king, brought forth a flower to console Apollon, even that flower which bears the name of the splendid youth."

Nonnus, Dionysiaca 2. 80 ff (trans. Rouse) (Greek epic C5th A.D.) :

"The fresh-flowering garden was laid waste [by a storm], the rosy meadows withered; Zephyros (the West Wind) was beaten by the dry leaves of whirling cypresses. Phoibos (Phoebus) [Apollon] sang a dirge in lamentable tones for his devastated iris (hyakinthos), twining a sorrowful song, and lamented far more bitterly than for his clusters of Amyklaian (Amyclaean) flowers, when the laurel by his side was struck."

Nonnus, Dionysiaca 3. 153 ff :

"On the learned leaves of Apollon's mournful iris [i.e. the flower of Hyakinthos (Hyacinthus)] was embroidered many a plant-grown word; and when Zephyros (the West Wind) breathed through the flowery garden, Apollon turned a quick eye upon his young darling, his yearning never satisfied; if he saw the plant beaten by the breezes, he remembered the quoit, and trembled for fear the wind, so jealous once about the boy, might hate him even in a leaf: if it is true that Apollon once wept with those eyes that never wept, to see that boy writhing in the dust, and the pattern there on the flower traced its own ‘alas!’ on the iris, and so figured the tears of Phoibos (Phoebus)."

Nonnus, Dionysiaca 10. 253 ff :

"The deathbringing breath of Zephyros might blow again, as it did once before when the bitter blast killed a young man while it turned the hurtling quoit against Hyakinthos."

Nonnus, Dionysiaca 11. 362 ff :

"A young Lakonian [Hyakinthos (Hyacinthus)] shook Zephyros (the West Wind); but he died, and the amorous Wind found young Kyparissos (Cyparissus) a consolation for Amyklaian Hyakinthos."

Nonnus, Dionysiaca 29. 95 ff :

"Apollon bemoaned Hyakinthos (Hyacinthus), struck by the quoit which brought him quick death, and reproached the blast of Zephyros (the West Wind's) jealous gale."

Nonnus, Dionysiaca 29. 101 ff :

Send me here Phoibos our brother, who knows the art of healing all pains, and he will make the boy whole. But stay, my voice! Leave Phoibos undisturbed in Olympos, or I may provoke him by recalling the wound of his beloved Hyacinthos.

Claudian, Rape of Proserpine 2. 130 ff (trans. Platnauer) (Roman poetry C4th A.D.) :

"[Persephone and her nymphs gather flowers :] Thee also, Hyacinthus, they gather, thy flower inscribed with woe, and Narcissus too--once lovely boys, now the pride of flowering spring. Thou, Hyacinthus, wert born at Amyclae, Narcissus was Helicon's child; thee the errant discus slew; him love of his stream-reflected face beguiled; for thee weeps Delos' god [Apollon] with sorrow-weighted brow; for him Cephisus with his broken reeds."

Pseudo-Hyginus, Fabulae 271 (trans. Grant) (Roman mythographer C2nd A.D.) :

"Youths who were most handsome. Adonis, son of Cinyras and Smyrna, whom Venus [Aphrodite] loved. Endymion, son of Aetolus, whom Luna [Selene] loved. Ganymede, son of Erichthonius, whom Jove [Zeus] loved. Hyacinthus, son of Oebalus, whom Apollo loved. Narcissus, son of the river Cephisus, who loved himself . . ."

Euripides, Helen 1441:

It may be thou wilt find the daughters of Leucippus beside the brimming river or before the temple of Pallas, when at last with dance and revelry thou joinest in the merry midnight festival of Hyacinthus, him whom Phoebus slew in the lists by a quoit hurled o'er the mark; wherefore did the son of Zeus ordain that Laconia's land should set apart that day for sacrifice;

Tatian, Adress to the Greeks 8 :

Let the far-shooting god tell me how Zephyrus slew Hyacinthus. Zephyrus conquered him; and in accordance with the saying of the tragic poet: "A breeze is the most honourable chariot of the gods," - conquered by a slight breeze, Apollo lost his beloved.

Philostratus, Heroica 7.30 :

He used to sing of the ancient comrades, Hyacinthus and Narcissus, and something about Adonis.

Greek Anthology 9.751 Plato The Younger :

The stone is Hyacinthus, and on it are Apollo and Daphne. Of which was Apollo rather the lover?

Oppian Of Apamea, Cynegetica Or The Chase 1.300 :

the Laconians contrived a subtle device for their dear wives when they are pregnant. Near them they put pictures of beautiful forms, even the youths that aforetime were resplendent among mortal men, Nireus and Narcissus and Hyacinthus of the goodly ashen spear, and Castor with his helmet, and Polydeuces that slew Amycus, and the youthful twain who are admired among the blessed gods, laurel-crowned Phoebus and Dionysus of the ivy wreath. And the women rejoice to behold their lovely form and, fluttered by their beauty, bear beautiful sons.

Nonnus, Dionysiaca 19. 102 ff :

Apollo brought to life again his longhaired Hyacinthos: Staphylos will be made to live for aye by Dionysos.

Pausanias, Description of Greece 3. 19. 3 - 5 :

"[In the temple of Apollon at Amyklai (Amyclae) :] The pedestal of the statue [of Apollon] is fashioned into the shape of an altar and they say that Hyakinthos (Hyacinthus) is buried in it, and at the Hyakinthia (Hyacinthia), before the sacrifice to Apollon, they devote offerings to Hyakinthos as to a hero into this altar through a bronze door, which is on the left of the altar. On the altar are wrought in relief Demeter, the Maid, Plouton, next to them Fates and Seasons, and with them Aphrodite, Athena and Artemis. They are carrying to heaven Hyacinthus and Polyboea, the sister, they say, of Hyacinthus, who died a maid. Now this statue of Hyacinthus represents him as bearded, but Nikias (Nicias) [painter fl. c. 320 B.C.], son of Nikomedes, has painted him [Hyakinthos (Hyacinthus)] in the very prime of youthful beauty, hinting at the love of Apollon for Hyakinthos of which legend tells . . . As for Zephyros (the West Wind), how Apollon unintentionally killed Hyakinthos, and the story of the flower, we must be content with the legends"

Colluthus, Rape of Helen 240 ff (trans. Mair) (Greek poetry C5th to 6th A.D.) :

"The shrine of Hyakinthos [i.e. at Amyklai]."

About the festival celebrated in the honor of Hyacinthus:

Ovid, Metamorphoses 10. 218 (trans. Brookes More) (Roman epic C1st B.C. to C1st A.D.) :

"And Sparta certainly is proud to honor Hyacinthus as her son; and his loved fame endures; and every year they celebrate his solemn festival."

Pausanias, Description of Greece 3. 10. 1 :

"[The historic Spartan general] Agesilaus again marched with an army against Korinthos (Corinth) [late 4th B.C.], and, as the festival Hyakinthia (Hyacinthia) was at hand, he gave the Amyklaians (Amyclaeans) leave to go back home and perform the traditional rites in honor of Apollon and Hyakinthos (Hyacinthus)."

Pausanias, Description of Greece 4. 19. 4 :

"[During the Second Messenian War C7th B.C. :] Now the Lakedaimonians (Lacedaemonians), as the festival of Hyakinthos was approaching, made a truce of forty days with the men of Eira [in Messenia]. They themselves returned home to keep the feast."

Herodotus, Histories 9. 6 . 1 - 7. 1 (trans. Godley) (Greek historian C5th B.C.) :

"[During the historic Persian War.] They [the Athenians] also sent envoys to Lakedaimon (Lacedaemon), who were to upbraid the Lakedaimonians for permitting the barbarian to invade Attika (Attica) and not helping the Athenians to meet him in Boiotia (Boeotia) and warn them that the Athenians would devise some means of salvation for themselves if the Lakedaimonians sent them no help. The Lakedaimonians were at this time celebrating the Hyakinthia (Hyacinthia) (festival of Hyakinthos), and their chief concern was to give the god [Apollon] his due."

(Detailed account about the festival is given by Athenaeus.)

Hope that helped! 😁

HELP

Can someone please tell me where the myth of Hyacinthus and Apollo was written down? Like where is this myth from? Where can I read it not as a summary on a website? Someone help me I am losing the small amount of sanity I had left looking for the original version, not summary, of this myth. 

[itsiotrecords-blog]

http://ift.tt/2qw4D79

Water, with all of its life-affirming and throat-quenching qualities, is seemingly quite benign. But in the wrong hands, water can bring death upon any poor soul who is subjected to its deadly power. Our humble race has found many a way to use water against each other, for the purpose of causing as much pain as possible. Here are some of the worst.

#1 Waterboarding Strongly associated with the Bush and Cheney years, waterboarding has actually been around since 16th century Europe. We heard the term so much in recent years, yet many never really knew what it entailed. Far too many, in fact, dismissed it as a possible form of torture by scoffing, “it’s just water.” It’s so much more though. Waterboarding involves strapping somebody to a table on their back, causing them to become immobile. Afterwards, a cloth is placed over their eyes, nose and mouth. When they are nice and secure, the torturer proceeds to pour water directly onto the face, in intervals. This gives the poor victim the unpleasant sensation of being underwater and drowning ever so slowly. The worst part though, is the in-between moments of alleviation for the victim, when the water stops pouring. This momentary relief is just a mirage, meant to break them psychologically, as they go right back to drowning again. This process is repeated until the victim completely submits.

#2 Chinese Water Torture “Chinese water torture” is actually something of a misnomer, since the practice actually has nothing to do with China. In actuality, the origins of its name can be traced back to magician Harry Houdini’s stunt, the “Chinese Water Torture Cell.” In this stunt, Houdini entered a tank filled with water, upside down and bound, and had to make an escape before he died. As a form of torture, this practice came about in 15th century Italy, by a lawyer (of course it would be a lawyer) named Hippolytus de Marsili. Marsili created the torture after witnessing a constant drip of water impacting a stone. And in that lawyer mind of his, the first thing he thought of was how this could be used on a human to torture a confession out of them. The way the process works is to strap someone by their head and body, and on their back. Then, a simple drop of water would proceed to drip on the victim’s forehead. Sounds harmless, right? Well, it doesn’t seem so harmless when the victim is strapped for days at a time, with that drip of water never stopping. The torture is as psychological as it is physical, as the victim starts to see every drop coming, with the feeling magnified after every drip. It is even said that, after a long enough duration, the water starts to penetrate the skin. Now we know where the phrase “water on the brain” comes from.

#3 Dunking The Salem Witch trials were an infamous time in early American colonial history, and came complete with its own form of torture. The inhumane practice known as dunking was used often against those accused of being witches. But the goal wasn’t to inflict pain, but rather to test, hence the term “ordeal by water.” The test went like this: a person accused of being a witch was tied to a chair and dunked into the water. If the victim floated, they were witches, as it was believed back then that all witches floated. Of course, virtually nobody could pass this test, since human bodies naturally float and all. The victim was never acquitted, thus prolonging the torture and ultimately condemning the victim. In rare cases, the person would simply drown before they could be brought back up, which acquitted them of all charges or something. Water was the main judge here, as it was viewed as the ultimate holy purifier. In addition, if the torturers were not satisfied with the result, they would repeatedly dunk the victim, even strapping them to devices to accomplish this awful task.

#4 Boiling Water A couple drips of boiling hot water on your skin sure is painful, right? Well, take that pain, and amplify it by about a million times. Welcome to being boiled alive. Brought to you by the sadistic minds of the Middle Ages, this torture was quite simple in its effectiveness. When it was time to boil somebody, a large cauldron was filled with cold or tepid water. After it was filled to the executioner’s heart’s content, the victim was inserted into the cauldron. Then, either a low flame was set for prolonged agony, or a higher flame for quicker torture gratification. So why was the water cold or tepid to begin with? This was to ensure that the victim undergoes every stage of being cooked alive. In some circumstances, a small amount of water was placed in the cauldron. This gave the added effect of frying the victim. Fourth degree burns would occur, with deterioration of the skin and its layers. Then, the fat in the tissue would cook. After, the muscle underneath would start to show. Finally, the veins and arteries would pop, due to the heat. Henry VIII made boiling to death an official punishment in England, and one of its earliest victims — the Bishop of Rochester’s murderer, Richard Rice — suffered so graphic an execution that pregnant women fainted at the sight and had to be carried away from the scene.

#5 Water Curing Talk about a misnomer, since about the only thing this torture cures is the disease of a long, fruitful life. The water cure method is somewhat similar to waterboarding in posture, as the victim is rendered immobile and on their back. But while waterboarding involves pouring water all over the victim’s face, the water cure involves pouring water straight down their throat. Over and over again, endlessly. See, drinking too much water is in actuality a very, very bad thing, and can cause death. This is called “water intoxication,” the end game of the water cure. The mouth of the victim is pried open, and a funneling device is thrust into the throat. Water is then poured into the funnel and directly into the victim’s stomach. This is done until either the victim either dies from water intoxication or hemorrhages to death due to an eruption in the stomach. Sometimes, the torturer would be creative and make the victim vomit all of the previously ingested water, so that the torture could be done ad infinitum. Think about that the next time you wax nostalgic about how much nicer people were back in the day.

#6 Nazi Water Chamber During World War II, the Hungarian Nazi Party turned a regular 19th century villa in Budapest into something much more nefarious. Their administrative building is now referred to as “the House of Terror,” which sounds like a cheap thrill ride at a haunted theme park, but was unfortunately very real. The House of Terror was replete with all kinds of tortures, including the water chamber. This was not an intricate or complicated method, but that doesn’t lessen its horror any. It was little more than large hole filled with ice cold water, with a small platform in the middle where the sleep-deprived victim was forced to stand. If the person became weak or fell asleep, they would fall, directly into the frozen water. And this would be repeated time and again. To make matters worse, after Hungary was “liberated” by the Soviets, the Communists moved right into the House of Terror, taking over the lease from the Nazis, and resuming much of the torturous procedures from the previous regime.

#7 Japanese Deep Freeze Located deep within the isolated confines of Japanese-occupied Manchuria, China, Unit 731 was the brain child of evil genius Ishii Shiro. Shiro was a doctor by profession and, by all accounts, a nice guy and family man. But when it came time to ply his trade in Unit 731, his Mr. Hyde was unleashed upon the World War II POWs and natives who he considered “logs,” to be used, burned and discarded. Unit 731 was created to obtain vital medical data in a scientific environment. But when one examines the list of procedures, they read more like a madman’s to-do list, one that would make some medieval torture methods tame in comparison. One of the worst methods was the frostbite test. Manchuria gets very, very cold during the winter, and this did not escape Shiro at all. Taking advantage, he forced men and women to stand naked in the freezing cold, as soldiers doused the victim’s limbs with cold water, to speed up the onset of frostbite. This was done until the limbs were hard enough to elicit a ringing sound when they were hit with sticks. Afterwards, they would either have their limbs and fingers smashed off or immediately defrosted by hot water, which caused all of the flesh on the limbs to just slide off. Post-war, Unit 731 went under, with any surviving subjects killed off. While some serving in the unit were executed, Shiro died from natural causes in Japan, after giving the US all of his data.

#8 Hazing The more we learn about hazing, it seems less and less like innocent pranking, and far more like sadistic torture. Some of the tactics utilized in hazing have included physical beatings, sexual abuse, and deprivations. But one case stands out in that it involved the usage of water. The Chi Tau fraternity in Chico State University, California, was described by police as something like a medieval castle dungeon, with the words, “In the basement, no one can hear you scream” scrawled all over the basement walls. This was the stage for the “initiation” of 21-year-old Matthew Carrington, on February 2nd, 2005. Carrington was forced to go into the basement and engage in rigorous calisthenics, surrounded by raw sewage that accumulated on the floor. He was then forced to do numerous pushups in the dirty water. His body, soaking wet, was blasted with cold air from fans, which made the experience even more excruciating. He was also expected to continually drink water from a five-gallon container, which was repeatedly refilled. According to reports, all of this was too much for Carrington’s body, which broke under the strain. He went into seizures and in the hospital, and his heart stopped. The cause of Carrington’s death was swelling of the brain and lungs, developed from acute water intoxication. Unfortunately, the frat brothers did not do much for Carrington, as they took their time in calling for any help. Two men, Gabriel Maestretti and Jerry Lim, were charged with Carrington’s death, but ultimately, they both received light sentences.

#9 Republican Marriage While plenty of Obama supporters would consider marrying a Republican torture all by itself, that’s not where this term originated. Its origins actually derive from the Republican government of the 1790’s French revolutionaries. It was called a marriage since both a male and female would suffer the same fate simultaneously. This torture was especially popular during the Reign of Terror, which lasted from 1793-1794. It was the brainchild of Maximilien Robespierre, leader of the Committee of Public Safety. Jean-Baptiste Carrier, a revolutionary representative in the city of Nantes, was the main initiator of the Marriages. First, a man and woman would be stripped naked, and then tied together. While they were tied, sometimes they would be stabbed beforehand, just in case. Then they would be chucked into the Loire River, to sink and drown. These simple-yet-horrible executions happened regularly between 1793 and 1794. The worst part of it all, was that children were very likely victims of its wrath as well.

#10 The Coffin Humans cannot go more than three days without water, before we dry up and perish. With that in mind, here’s the Coffin, a torture that involves taking away any and all water from the victim, proving that the wet stuff doesn’t even have to show up to play a role in somebody’s slow and painful death. The accused would be apprehended and placed into a metal cage-like apparatus, usually shaped to conform to the human body. The victim would then be taken to a pre-determined spot, usually in a location that absorbed the most heat from the sun. Then they would be abandoned there, sweating and sweltering in the heat, without a drop of water to alleviate their suffering. In addition, the coffin was porous enough to allow animals access to the victim, which resulted in the victim being mauled and eaten while still alive. Suffice it to say, the victim usually did not make it to day three, but if they did, their death from dehydration would have been the absolute worst.

Source: TopTenz

[jonnyopinion]

Mistakes on a Plane

Lufthansa and Air Canada's vegan options are...somewhat limited.  Life is absurd.

10,972 meters above Newcastle-upon-Tyne, shovelling pasta into my mouth with a plastic fork while watching a film about a man with 23 personalities who abducts three teenage girls for no psychological plausible reason except to satisfy the cinematic trope of the sexually frustrated, sociopathic male loner who deep down just wants to be loved and be loved and whatever, it occurs to me that life is absurd.  This is obviously not an original idea.  Democritos, the ancient Greek sage, "used to laugh at everything, because he regarded all human affairs as ridiculous", or so reported Hippolytus of Rome, two millennia ago, or so.  Diogenes the Cynic lived in a barrel.  He did this on purpose.  When the king approached him in the street and asked Diogenes if there was anything he could do to help him, he replied, "please stand out of my way, you're blocking the sun".  Diogenes was hilarious.  The absurdity of life has been common knowledge for ages, although it's probably best not to think about it.  

The simple life

Neither Diogenes nor Democritos ever shoved pasta down their gob 10,972 meters above the earth, encased in metal and hurtling over the ocean, comfortable and entertained.

The pasta in my gob is not vegan.  It is smothered in cheese and tastes of mediocrity and dread.  The other option was "cajun style" chicken, which isn't vegan either.  Chicken is called "chicken" because that's actually what it is: the flesh of a dead chicken.  That's not a coincidence: "fish" is fish, "turkey" is turkey and "lamb" really is lamb.

The other option was hunger.  I have been awake for more hours than I know what to do with, having changed flights in Frankfurt, from Manchester, en route to Toronto, which makes no sense at all (see above).  Down below on the earth, a cow who is now almost certainly dead and if not, lives a life of agony before being eventually hammered over the head and having her throat slit years before she would otherwise die, and years after her children were taken from her by force so that the cycle of misery and convenience could begin again, was artificially inseminated by machine or human hand, so that she would produce the milk that would make the cheese that makes the pasta I am eating taste slightly less like nothing in particular.  This, too, is absurd.

Lufthansa's vegan menu.

My meal is served in a plastic tray with a tinfoil lid, accompanied by a tiny bread roll, a miniscule serving of coleslaw (also not vegan) and currant and dark chocolate cookie (nope), each in its own plastic receptacle.  The plastic fork moving rhythmically in and out of my facehole as I gawp at the screen, comes hygienically sealed, accompanied by a plastic knife and a plastic spoon (likewise) a 250ml bottle of "water", two paper napkins and one individual serving of salt, another of pepper (likewise, likewise, likewise and likewise).  I chose red wine to drink, which I drink from a plastic glass.  The red wine comes in a plastic bottle.  It tastes like red wine.  Absurd red wine.

As nature intended.

Other in-flight entertainment includes a film where Vin Diesel machineguns a marketplace of terrorists (or people that look like terrorists, which is probably the same thing) to death in slow motion - impressing the pants, quite literally, off an implausible number of implausibly beautiful women - a cartoon about a koala named Buster who decides to host a signing competition to attract more customers to his theatre business, and a game called "Robot Factory" in which Juan the chameleon (who runs said factory) advises you in how to build "machine robots or experiment with your own designs using the provided robot parts".  It's all so terribly strange.  300 passengers, eating pieces of animals taken apart for our pleasure, playing games in which we take artificial animals and put them together in a variety of colourful and entertaining ways.  At 10,972 meters above the ground, encased in metal and plastic, you wonder if we're being taken apart and put back together ourselves.  But we aren't of course.  We are intact.  Also comfortable.  Those who understood this, and those who made it possible, mostly, are not.  The game instructs you to "let your imagination run wild!"  I turn off my personal touchscreen and do exactly that: although not until I have played a few hundred hands of blackjack, winning myself 226 points.  These points are not redeemable for anything real down on earth and as soon as I exit the game, the points disappear, and I remain the same.

It is not necessary to comment any further on these things; only to point out that they all exist.

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