#whatever it's my blog you chose to be here deal with the consequences

[wellhalesbells]

✨ nanowrimo projects ✨

so i've decided to try to do nano this month word count-wise only - 50k words on however many projects i decide to get in the mix, just to kind of dip my toe back into not only writing regularly but also (maybe, hopefully) posting as well \o/ i'm only going to list projects i have actually started work on because while i have goals for what i want to finish, i also cannot be trusted until i'm actually doing the thing

the grumpy + sunshine husband meg 2 fic that's eating my brain (5,074 / 5,000) - How to Get Married without a Single Date

i love you, man + sterek = stiles starts saying 'i love you' to the pack... it goes about as well as could be expected (1,073 / 6,000)

[dandelion-wings]

Hello! Love your fic and blog. I would love to hear your thoughts on something. There's a thing I sometimes see people say...that like Kaeya should have told Diluc his secret earlier than he did. (And I agree that he should have told him at a different time. And I do think it is generally a good thing that would strengthen their relationship, after they work through it, and it gives Kaeya a confidant.) Idk, it's complicated because I kind of feel like Kaeya doesn't really owe anyone the truth until such a time that he is put in a position of potential or active harm to Mondstadt. But I am generally of the opinion that people are way too harsh on most of the characters that keep secrets, as if that in itself is a moral wrong.

Hmmm. I had to think about this a little, anon, because "should" is such a loaded term here!

I think so much about evaluating his choices here depends on context we simply don't have in canon. Is Kaeya actually in Mondstadt for any malicious reason, or did his father leave him there to protect him in some way (and if so, did he justify it with a false mission to make Kaeya cooperate, or is Kaeya fearing a war that isn't actually likely to come)? If there was a reason, was he an active agent (spy, saboteur, what have you) or a helpless pawn (c.f. this post)? If there was an actual plot, has his loyalty changed and he doesn't have to do anything for Khaenri'ah going forward, or does he fear some kind of secret trigger word or magical control that would make him a danger to Mondstadt no matter what? Is "Khaenri'ah" only the Abyss Order at this point, or are there actual non-Order Khaenri'ahans still around that Alberich Sr. is trying to save? (Or, in between the two, is he on the "save/purify the hilichurls" boat with Caribert, but is taking a different tack than the Order, or working with them only reluctantly?)

An important question for me has always been whether the fanon that Kaeya is "a prince" is true because, if he is, and there is an actual plan, and there are actual Khaenri'ahans this plan was meant to save, then morally speaking I don't think he should have told at all. I tolerate royalty even in my fiction only and exclusively on the premise that they serve their people No Matter What (this is why I still hate Ei >> ), and I would lose all respect for him if those three conditions obtained and he still chose Mondstadt.

But like... my insanely high standards for fictional royalty aside... Kaeya was a kid abandoned in a foreign land. That's the one thing we know for absolute certainty. Even if he was around Diluc's age of eighteen, and even if Mondstadt definitely gives responsibility to kids way younger than in our world, to me that's still a kid. "Should" seems to come with moral judgement here that's pretty harsh, given that, and I say this as someone who does judge Diluc around the same events--but with the same ambivalence, for the same reasons, of him being a kid in a tough spot. (I did not make better decisions re: sibling relationships than either of them at that age, let me put it that way.) Also, honestly, if Kaeya had confessed earlier, I don't think Diluc was the person to initially do it to--leaving aside all moral questions, I think the smart person to tell would have been Crepus, an actual adult who, while not perfect as a parent by any means, I feel likely would have chosen to protect his adopted son from blowback. He almost certainly had the experience as a businessman to control when and how that information was disseminated to any relevant parties, including Diluc himself.

I honestly don't even think Kaeya "owes" anyone the truth even if it does put Mondstadt at risk, though that comes from the premise that he still feels conflicted somewhat (which canon has drifted away from somewhat but I do stubbornly cling to, because it's spicier, and I don't love them blandifying my boy >> ). He gets to make his own choices. And then he gets to deal with whatever consequences fall out for them! And honestly, while I feel like the morality of secret-keeping in the real world depends very much on the secrets and their impacts, and can often go horribly wrong, in fiction it leads to some of my favorite kinds of narrative drama. So I guess that's my takeaway!

[sgiandubh]

Hello how are you? I follow several shippers' blogs and I noticed that every now and then some bloggers publish hateful messages they received. My question is about mental health: how do you deal with it? I understand that your presence here is relatively recent, but have you ever regretted something?

Dear Mental Health Anon,

This is the kind of submissions I welcome with all my heart, because they are benevolent and witty. Forgive me already for what I suspect will be a long answer. It is not the pleasure of hearing me talk that prompts them, but the sincere intention to answer deserving asks as clearly, fully and honestly as I can.

The short answer is : I am fine, Fall is slowly coming and nights are starting to be really chilly. There's some light rain tapping on the roof of my flat and I will spend my week-end wandering around some of my favorite places on Earth. And now, onwards to the consistent and interesting ask of yours...

The worst trolling message I have ever seen in this fandom is the one I am immediately going to post below, because I think it should serve us all as warning and reminder. It was posted on a blog I have been reading from the beginning of my long lurking days on Tumblr: @cb4tb is one of the most balanced and articulate people in this corner of the Internet. I remember being shocked by its cold and very coherent violence. The feat of a casebook sociopath, who thinks her asks in Spanish (I am 200% certain about it) and who has an appalling command of English grammar. Written on Christmas' Eve and on purpose:

Compared to the alarming slander @cb4tb got (whatever for is a mystery, she is non conflictual and posts very witty business insights) on a day that should be completely taboo for every civilized human being (you don't need to believe in God to respect one of Christianity's most important celebrations), whatever hate I could get in here is definitely subpar. Most of it did not make it on my page and went straight to the bin. But it's not always easy: I am as human as you, Anon, and sometimes I feel personally insulted and revolted by the smugness and pettiness of it all. However, I must immediately add their hate never made me give up an inch of my convictions. They are the result of a long interval of watching and pondering, coupled with my own observations I gladly share with like-minded women all around the world. That often hits a nerve or bruises overinflated egos on the Other Side. So be it: I am not here to be meek and obedient, if I never was meek and obedient in real life. I am here to bring clarity and build trust, which incidentally resonates very closely to what I do for a living. That probably rates me as a moderate on the shipper spectrum, in the sense that by complete design I put aside some divisive topics I firmly chose not to discuss. I am not interested to bring attention on me, in here, and the least thing I'd like is to be a vector of discord. So that would also rate me as a peacemaker of sorts - and yes, that sounds perhaps pretentious, but I believe it is needed, especially now.

I only felt a clear intention to threaten me twice, both in DM. The first time it curiously came from one extreme fringe of the shipper community and I brushed it off, because it was an empty, almost ridiculous threat. I politely denied and that was it - two persons blocked me and there were no other consequences to it. The second time, an anti came to confront me on an irrelevant point, with a very aggressive undertone. I blocked and almost forgot about it. If you have it clear enough in your mind that such things cannot be avoided and, at the same time, you know that your own moral compass is not compromised, these details will not affect you. At all. I confidently promise you that. Last but not least: if you are not great with compartmentalizing, don't step in the arena. It can seriously ruffle your self-esteem and it's not worth it.

So this is how I deal with it: I focus on what I have to say (does it bring something new? interesting? positive? thought-provoking?), on the way of saying it (above all, be kind and gracious to every other shipper) and on the right moment to say it (only when I am honestly sure I can do it with no unwanted consequences). But I will stand in solidarity with any shipper (any single one of them) who is humiliated, belittled or disparaged, with not a single shred of fear in the world. And I would also fend for myself if necessary, if I am getting over-the-top slander: all the other yapping, I ignore. Sometimes (often, even) it's more interesting to watch.

And if anything else fails, I go for a long drive and have a coffee at the seaside or simply open a book or listen to some Bach or call Someone. Or take this little big guy out for a lazy walk in the park:

You ask me if I regret anything. Absolutely not. I have received more than I could ever give, in here. I have met spectacular women and men, I have grown very fond of and feel very close to. I have had the immense satisfaction of sharing their secrets, their worries, their plans and this means trust, in my book, for which I will never tire saying how grateful I am. I also strived to respond in kind and I mean to honor this unwritten contract. Last but not least, I have watched this community slowly dusting off months of sadness and perhaps starting to open up again.

And all of this makes me damn proud of who we are, Anon. Thank you for dropping by! You are always welcome on my page.

[justice4sasuke]

@ttobira @dinainwater

If I didn't read the manga why am I coming on here with caps from it and ya'll are not?????

1. Madara didn't do shit to his clan, he felt betrayed by them, because he saw the writing on the wall and they didn't, and spent all his time fighting Hashirama. You're probably thinking of Obito who helped Itachi with the massacre. The Naruto wiki sucks but it does annotate with chapter and page numbers everything Madara does. Go read that and tell me where Madara tortured other Uchihas unless you're counting fucking around with garbage Obito.

2. Itachi killed his clan on orders from Konoha. And you're talking about not having reading comprehension? And since ya'll just swallow whatever Kishimoto tells you without any thought here's someone on the Konoha side saying it. But if you want more I got Obito and Itachi saying it too.

3. "Uchiha are the only ones who kill Uchiha!" I would say in the beginning it was Senju and Uchiha killing each other, but beyond that so Tobirama not letting them in politics, shoving them away into a police force that is clearly not important because it doesn't exist anymore once the Uchiha are gone, after Tobirama getting pushed into a corner of the village, being blamed for the Fox attack that they had nothing to do with (it wasn't the clan it was just garbage Obito) means nothing? Konoha was disenfranchising the Uchiha clan for generations and once they tried to stand up for themselves they threatened and tricked a 13 year old into killing his clan for them so they didn't have to deal with the consequences.

Obito tells the story from chapter 396-401 and we never get an alternate telling, only confirmation from Danzo, Itachi and Hiruzen so it's true.

Orochimaru has a better understanding of this then some of you.

4. "Tobriama never said Uchiha were predisposed to evil"

The speech

5. They follow Zetsu? Literally only Madara and Obito do that...really don't know where this confusion is coming from (and really Madara doesn't even know he is because this is a bad series).

Here's the thing since apparently tumblr is trying to fuck me by bringing the Tobirama stans by even though I didn't even tag him, fiction doesn't exist in a vacuum. Kishimoto wrote a very realistic version of how a group of people can become systematically disenfranchised and then killed by the government. It turns out he didn't mean that so he turned it into "Uchiha are predisposed to evil because they got weird eyes that make them care too much and some guy got mad his dad chose his brother over him for something". But that doesn't change the fact that this mirrors how discrimination and genocide can and has happened in our world. And I think that matters and is worth talking about. If you don't you don't have to interact with my blog.

Once again if you want to argue any of my conclusions you don't even need to send panels from the manga, just give me a chapter number I got a shounen jump account on VIZ and can read the whole manga whenever I want. And I am for this entire blog. Since if you haven't noticed I'm literally going through the series to talk about Sasuke.

[soranihimawari]

Ghost of You

Back at it again with some help from my favourite prompts blog:

Platonic Seijoh 4! & (f!) reader

Buckle up: angst to fluff; sort of implied estrangement between parties.

Oikawa comes to terms with being a jackass & this is how reader deals with the consequences of facing him in Argentina when Iwazumi, Makki, and Mattsukawa take matters into their own hands to repair the estranged relationship. What a time to repair a love lost while proving how the same emotion moves mountains …

Rating: 17+ for language; implied nondescript “first time”sex as a young adult (post Shiratorizawa loss)

Loosely inspired by a song on the radio…

OST 1

OST 2

There is a lot to be said when you’re the last to arrive to the beach house an old friend rented for the week. Traveling to a new country after cashing in some much needed vacation time to spend with a former pretentious setter and his ‘boys’ from the glee years of their youth sends like an interesting use of paid leave.

You walk in the doors with your luggage trailing behind you. Your jersey dress sustained the 20+ hrs of estimated travel time. The chimes above said door announced your presence. You hear foot steps of one, no, three older more distinguished athletes from yesteryear. The first to turn around to coerce the others was the former captain who at one point was your believer rival versus your skeptic stand on martian men. Clearly both of you were set up with the promise of the three monkeys you loved to call ‘friends’ failed to have mentioned to either of you the other would be present. Argentina is hot enough already for the summer season, but it’s about to get scalding when you grit your teeth and force a wired smile on your face.

“Oh c’mon guys, it might be room service…”

That voice, it’s entirely too sweet. Dripping with Skittle or M&M honey and did his voice just crack? His cohorts slam into him all except the no-coastal athletic trainer who just chuckles.

“Chibi-chan?”

Your shadows grow longer as you eye him carefully. Sure you both grew older, but he filled out much more beautifully than you could ever imagine. Don’t get ahead of yourself love, because you will miss the way his arms reach out to you, steadied hands followed by careful steps makes either of you question if this dream is just that.

“Who invited you?”

You were in Argentina for under two hours and three words made you retreat inwardly, recalling why you don’t talk to this man anymore. He chose his path and you respect it. The same goes for his friends whom are also yours.

“That was harsh,” the strawberry blonde says, approaching you differently. He stands to his Fronde captain’s right where as the third morrow his movements, looking at his newly naturalized friend.

“What a shitty thing to say,” you find your acid in your speech and use it to call him out on his rudeness. “Sorry to have interrupted whatever you have here.”

The suitcase you brought with you stays in the living room as you see yourself out. You sit on the porch steps with your knees to your chest. Sharp ears listen in to the scolding much earned.

“Oikawa, it’s been five years man,” you heard Makki reason.

“I know,” he says. His heart hammers against his chest and it is a terrifying sound. What do I do, what do I do when she looks at me with eyes that loathe my being?

“Iwa, I thought you said this was going to be a boys trip…She could have at least tried to apologize.”

“For what?” This voice you knew like the back of your hand. “For crashing the trip? No. Not this time.”

You have heard them all fight before. Hell, you even broken up their kouhai’s fights too, but this was different. Iwazumi roars insults while Mattsun holds him back saying enough. Makki panics when Oikawa stays quiet.

“Just apologize for leaving,” Mattsukawa says after making sure Iwazumi’s rage was pacified. “She took it the hardest out of all of us.”

Iwazumi storms off to his room and slams the door shut. Makki follows Mattsukawa’s lead convincing Iwazumi to join them at the farmer’s market they passed on the way back from the city center’s popular shopping district. Oikawa hears the back screen door open and close and now, he diverts his attention to the front where you wince at every cacophonous opening and slamming of doors. You hear your suit case being moved to the entertainment den which is by his own room. Makki and Mattsukawa are sharing the bunk bed room and Iwa’s is adjacent to the kitchen.

The house in all its quiet moments hides a hellish fury once you walk back inside.

Through some slim miracle, you and Iwazumi, before his trip abroad, was accepted into the same university. There is a familial bond in your friendship’s foundation with him and while he keeps his friends conquests in bed to himself, he wonders why you never tried to go out with anyone. Studies can only cover you so far, so you let in a little secret. It’s the main insane reason why and Iwazumi sighs; he reckons he can’t fault you for still being irate about how his former captain chose to not tell you he was leaving for good, ‘to make a name for himself.’ Over time, you built walls so high and thick you barely let in the light of day in.

Truthfully, Iwazumi knew that if Oikawa were to see you become more hallow with an impenetrable force field around you, he might have thought you came from Date Tech, alas that is not the case. Not until Iwazumi brings your name up casually one day. Oikawa, Makki, and Mattsun were on the FaceTime call too and he gives the generic “she’s fine no thanks to you leaving without saying bye to her.” He’s had enough of hearing you cry into his shoulder about why his friend would just up and leave without saying bye, without wishing him well, and the like. Sure at first you were annoyingly bright, managing to boost your averages into the top ten students, but when you befriend Oikawa, you do so in an abnormal manner unique to you: “oi! Rika-san! If you keep cornering Oikawa like this, people are going to think you’re a yandere fan of his.” The fan club relents as they watch with seething stares when Oikawa pulls you to his side and whispers his thanks.

So of course, when said pretty boy slowly integrates his friends with yours, you develop a soft spot for the captain. You just thought you had more time with him after graduation and when your calls go unanswered that summer, the silence stung.

Five years later, you accomplished what you set out to do while your cheerleaders back home in Miyagi, did the best they could do too-Makki was between jobs since the mom and pop candy store he worked at was bought out by a development firm & Mattsun went into the funeral business. The two of them along with Iwazumi always made it a point to check in on their estranged friends separately. Lately though, with Makki’s planning and Mattsun’s calendar clearing up on the off season that year, Iwazumi proposes perhaps now would be the best time to have you and Oikawa talk face to face.

“Are you sure thanks a good idea? What if they’re worse off afterwards?” Mattsukawa, who is more reserved in the meddling of the other two worries about your fiery temper.

“At least Oikawa can explain and if it goes well, after the initial anger chibi-chan throws my way, then maybe,” Iwazumi sighs. “They’d be better for it.”

“So, when do we tell Señor Oiks we’re visiting?” Makki says, gleefulness like a neon sign is plastered on his face.

Travel agents and passport applications take the longest, but you all apply together and were issued your documents. You wait for the prices to drop as you text Iwazumi that you’re excited to spend your summer-long-vacation days with him, Makki, and Mattsukawa in Buenos Aires. The world is a big place, you figure. The probability of you running into the man so worthy of your ire is slim to none, so you thought it would be safe to stay at the vacation timeshare.

Now you’re outside the house, on the porch, trying to calm yourself down. Of course this has Makki and Iwazumi’s handprints all over it. Mattsukawa can’t be to be blame although you’re sure to throw him under the bus because he didn’t warn you either. So you close your eyes and think about the last time you remember seeing Oikawa. You were at the arcade with him, watching him play air hockey with his nephew. You knock on the window and little Takeru points over his uncle’s shoulders to where you standing; oikawa smiles and you wave. Your friends call out to you, from what Oikawa gathers and you mouth out, “see you tomorrow Tooru!” before scurrying off. Problem, you wouldn’t see him tomorrow because his flight is scheduled to leave around 10 that very evening.

“You haven’t told her?” Iwazumi comes over to see his friend off.

“I couldn’t break her heart like that,” Oikawa takes a seat in his childhood room one last time.

“You’re a real piece of work,” Iwazumi throws more salt in his wounds.

“I know.”

“Oikawa, if you ever meet her again you owe her a hell of an apology.”

“As if that would happen.”

“Listen here drama king: don’t get too cocky abroad because you know none of those future awards and medals will mean jack unless you have someone to share ‘em with.”

Oikawa’s sister knocks on her not-so-baby brother’s door telling them to wrap up their goodbyes.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa raises his fist one more time.

“I got you covered. Now go be great so I can kick your ass when you come back.”

Five years is quite some time, you figure. Five years is enough for you to obtain your masters and complete year one of graduate school for your doctorate; it’s filled with drunken karaoke nights where Mattsukawa takes one for the team and drives you all in his newly restored hearse. It’s enough times to kiss the homies goodnight in your elevated mind because someone left Makki alone with the CBD oil and brownie batter. Iwazumi’s hugs through the FaceTime call on your birthday is enough to keep the light in your eyes shining until the watch party you attend at the bar surrounded by Seijoh alums and fans of a certain Argentine setter. The stein in your hand shatters on the floor of the bar when Mattsukawa turns around and sees the beginnings of your self-induced panic attack. You weren’t supposed to find out like this, what the hell was Makki thinking inviting you here and he knows he could call fucking Iwazumi because hems currently court side for the home team. Mattsukawa lunges for you and whispers a quiet, “focus on my pulse beat, ok?” You muffle out a troublesome, “can’t. won’t. why?” until he snaps you out of your reverie while other patrons and worried friends like Yahaba and Kindaichi phone emergency response units the strongest non-member of their old team was having an anxiety attack.

Mattsukawa takes you home once your breathing gains strength when he breathes In time with you. Yahaba, who is outside talking to the paramedics explains the circumstances saying maybe it’s been a bit of a journey to control the oncoming attacks since college, but he reassures that you’re taken care of. Kunimi’s phone goes off several times with the kanji shirt hand for Iwazumi is blurred in your memory of the incident. Makki, though he just came in after finding parking sees your white knuckled grip on his friend’s shirt and he looks at the game being broadcasted… no one brings up that day when a Argentina continues forward to play the bronze and silver medal matches. Iwazumi visits you at the clinic two days later after Makki and Mattsukawa encourages you to go get checked out properly.

“Why didn’t you all tell me?” You frown at the wilting flowers and the thrown out uneaten bentos in the trash.

“Because we didn’t expect this to happen,” Iwazumi says, leaning on the desk provided in the room. “I remember the last time you had a panic attack, it terrified the others, but not him.”

You look out the window.

“You should go back to the village,” your smile is empty. “I’m sure Oikawa would love to know I sought refuge in his friends.”

“Yn…”

“Leave me alone,” you spit. “I won’t ask again.”

“You weren’t supposed to find out he left like this,” iwazumi presses on. “You know how Oikawa gets when the world told him no, he decided to train overseas. You knew that plan from the start.”

“I just didn’t expect him to stay there,” you shut him up real quick. “I didn’t expect him to fall in love with what Argentina had to offer. And you three knew where he was headed for months! You could have told me at any point until now! Tell me something, am I worth more than a quick fuck?”

“What? When did he-?”

“The loss against Shiratorizawa…”

“I know, he told me about it before I left for California; I broke his nose.”

You roll your eyes, a genuine smile this time on your features.

“And they said chivalry is dead.”

You spot the violet arrangements.

“Are they from him?”

Iwazumi nods.

“Wow,” you stand up to pick the bouquet up. “It’s good to know I’m just another body for him.”

The flowers hit the bottom of the trash can and you dismiss Iwazumi again; Iwazumi makes you a promise to be back at your place when you’re better. He’ll have Makki pick you up and Mattsukawa will come over to cook dinner at your apartment the moment he’s en route to you. Then Iwazumi apologizes once more, there was this sincere notes lined with love for all parts of you; you don’t stop him from combing back your hair behind your ears and you realize he’s much more gentle around you. His only fault was loving you with more more vitality than his best friend who broke you again. So, before Iwazumi leaves, he turns off your lights and closes the door to your room.

On the other side, his best friend, now an Olympic silver medalist for his newer home team, stands very still, mortified at the damage he caused when he didn’t know any better.

“She really thinks that lowly of me now huh?” Oikawa’s honesty is too little too late.

“Let’s go,” Iwazumi pretends he doesn’t hear your sniffles nor tries to acknowledge the glossy eyes of his childhood friend. Back at the stadium, hours earlier before the match, Iwazumi asks to speak with Oikawa saying it was an emergency; iwazumi fills him in on what Kunimi and Yahaba witnessed at the bar during the last match against Argentina and team Japan. Gauging his reaction, Iwazumi chooses to divulge the name of the clinic where you’re getting your vitals checked thanks to the much needed words of Mattsukawa.

Presently, while laying down in the comfort of his room, Oikawa has done many stupid things in his life. The most problematic was breaking the one whom he thought was stronger than anyone he personally knew. Iwazumi was strong in stubbornness, Makki was like a magician in the kitchen, and Mattsukawa makes atonement’s happen at the end of strangers’ lives. You? You’re strength relies on patience and handing the guys the tools to earn your favor back. Maybe that’s what motivates him to walk toward the front door and pull it open. You turn around abruptly and stand up, still cross at the man before you.

“Help me fix this,” Oikawa’s voice is even when he points to the air separating you and him. It only does that when he’s terrified. “Please?”

You glance up at him, curious to see if the shadow of his former self is still inside-the one you called friend before-suffice to say his reflection in your own sees the work of all the late night studying and balancing of social life with Makki and Mattsukawa. He sees what he missed out on when you walk in to the foyer without so much as an answer. You look thin, thinner than before. Makki mentioned you lost weight since that game aired. Mattsukawa makes it habit to order three times the amount food necessary since the pandemic started. Iwazumi sends his best friend videos of you beating Makki on Mario Kart last July.

“I don’t think I can,” you say, rage is a powerful emotion you channel in your shaking fists. “I wouldn’t know where to begin Oikawa Tooru.”

Outside by the large window panels, Makki gives his other friends the updates via a play by play.

“Iwazumi, you’re scary when you’re the ones behind the operation.”

“It wasn’t my idea to invite her,” Iwazumi confesses. His sharp eyes moves from his shoes to the window encasing you two.

“Are you sure you’re ok with letting her go like this?” Mattsukawa asks, Makki gives their former ace an empathetic look.

“They deserve this much,” Iwazumi answers, a serious tone in his voice. “She knows I’ll always be there if things go sour.”

Makki let’s out a low whistle. “Don’t worry, Iwa, you know out of all of us, you two would be the OTP of my dreams that would last.”

Mattsukawa snickers knowing about the remnants of the “fuck.marry.kill” game last time they were gathered like this after your discharge. Your answer was anticipated considering the person you wanted to kill was an Olympic two time medalist, so you settle for the ghost of him when you answer with Iwazumi’s name for the first two and depending on your mood, “it’s on sight for Oikawa.” Mattsukawa chuckles and Makki is reminded how scary you actually are. Iwazumi, who sits behind you on the couch at the time, slides down to fit between the space between the katsudon ahead of you and the rug dividing the couch and table. He hugs you from behind watching you lean back and look at him mouthing a ‘thank you’ to him.

There is truth in Iwazumi’s statement though, you witness it first hand when in Oikawa’s absence helps you stand on your own again; one step at a time, one milestone you share at a time, leading you to where you are now. The sun is setting while you don’t work in ultimatums with Oikawa, you give him one more look now as you bid the setter a good night.

Forgiveness is an arduous journey Oikawa goes alone, but his goal is and has always been to stand proudly with you. It’s a long journey and with determination to succeed, you finally receive the closure your eighteen year old self needed. Oikawa, after saying what needed to be said ages ago, he approaches you and holds your hand one last time while he notices Iwazumi wearily standing outside your apartment door.

“You too,” he says. Iwazumi runs a hand through his hair and joins you both in a matter of seconds. Oikawa kisses your knuckles as one taught him to do when he was still young and naive, as a last act before giving you a meaningful stare, you realize he's saying goodbye to what could have been the moment he picks up Iwazumi's wrist to hold your hand. You can tell your old friend shines through because of the tears which already started to run down his cheeks; you let go of Iwa's hand and here right before he leaves once again back home, you comfort a boy-king one last time. The weight on your collective stormy relationship with each other finally enters calmer seas.

A knock is heard from the door closest to where you were standing, fiddling with a hairpin Makki gifted you on your birthday last year. Oikawa looks great no matter what color suit he chose for the occasion, you muse. The flowers which adorn the crown of your head has been meticulously trimmed thanks to Mattsukawa's steady hands. Christmas that year you receive a white gold chain from a Tiffany blue box with a note: 'to my girl friday, i hope you know i miss you more than life, but i know that the ring you wear will make a fantastic pendant one day soon...'

"They're rea-woah," Oikawa greets, but his voice is lost in the halo of the small cubicle. "Are you ready to go?"

You glance back at the mirror and notice you're grecian styled off shoulder ivory dress from the thrift/vintage shop humming to yourself as you let Oikawa lead you out of the room. Sure you both have come a long way from that vacation; in time you forgave Makki and Mattsukawa for going along with Iwa's plan to get you and Oikawa to talk. Most of all, you don't yell at the athletic trainer. You can't really blame him when he stares at you like you hung up the moon for him to admire. Oikawa earns your trust back one step at a time; one off season one on one ice cream date at a time before he walks you to the door of your new place after claiming, "the old one kept me lonely." Iwazumi answers the door when Oikawa rings the bell and uses you as a shield to neutralize the stare your roommate (affectionate) gives his best friend. Sure, you could have wound up with any of them, but on the flights back to Japan after the year you all turned twenty-five/twenty-six(?), you decided it would be best to give Iwazumi a chance to reinforce what you figured out even as teenagers.

"So, you learnt to forgive me but I know he loves you like I do," Oikawa says half way through the walk down the make shift aisle; the say you ask him to be your escort by proxy, is the day he knew he was truly forgiven for running off. Even now as you two walked forward, your eyes are trained on Iwa's when you mouth out a shy, "hey stranger," a year and a half later right before you both turned thirty, to where Iwazumi stands in front of the court justice in his best suit.

“May his love makes you invincible,” Oikawa whispers when he hugs you one last time to take his place behind his best friend on the bride’s side now sharing best bride bro-status with Makki. “Just like your patience lead you to choose him first.”

Oikawa kisses your brow as the officiant asks if he's the one to "give the bride away" and without missing a beat, his boisterous dramatic self says "yes, of course."

There are only seven people altogether in the closed courtroom including the judge and notary. You take your place in front of the justice turning to face your fiancee.

“You sure about all this pretty girl?” Iwazumi whispers to you.

You reach out to tap his chest with an open palm and you have a new strictness flash across your features.

“I chose you for a reason Hajime, just like you me,” you pick up his hand, intertwining your fingers. The ring he gave you made of turquoise and lightning opal stones hangs delicately from your silver necklace. The judge begins the ceremony when you both nod that you were ready.

[mageofseven]

Hi I just recently discovered your blog and I’m in love with your writing! I have a little request if you don’t mind. The brothers (and undateables I’d you want to) finding MC bruised and beaten and later discovering they got into a fight with another demon. Thank you in advance if you decide to write this!

Awww thank you so much! I might end up doing the Undateables in another post, but I'll just stick to the Brothers for this one.

And thanks for requesting 😊

TWs: violence, vague s*xual assault

Spoiler warning: 1st year spoilers in Lucifer's and vaguely in Belphie's section

~

Lucifer:

Was checking out the area under Diavolo's orders.

Apparently there have been some people sneaking around in the old Colosseum and normal methods to keep other demons away from the historical landmark have been futile.

That and word has made it's way that some criminals have been using the place to secretly make dealings

So when he got there, he had expected to find some such people lurking around

Instead he found MC on the ground in the center, bruised and bleeding with their arm bent in a very concerning way.

He rushed up to them, calling their name and checking them for signs of life.

Honestly, the man was having major flashbacks to the day he lost his sister.

This was exactly where Lilith fell and Lucifer had to watch his sister, all broken and in pain until Diavolo came and he had to make the deal that changed everything

The deal that eventually led to MC's existence

Yet here they were now, in exactly the same place and state and the demon couldn't help but break down for a minute with panic he tried so hard to conceal.

The human let out a groan and the man could only sigh in relief.

"MC, oh thank the Devil..."

"Luce...?"

"You'll be alright." He promised. "I'll take you over to have Simeon heal you."

Despite the internal panic and flashbacks of such a traumatic event, he still handled the situation well.

Once MC was all healed up, he asked them what happened.

Apparently, they found a note that someone had stuffed in their school bag, asking for them to meet at the Colosseum.

They thought it was weird, but curiosity had gotten the better of them so they went and were attacked while exploring the ancient building.

The demon had meant to kill her, but sensed Lucifer approaching so they dropped the human and ran for it.

Ends up getting as much info from them about the attacker as he can.

Even if MC doesn't want the demon to die for what they did, they get no say in the matter.

Because of their status as exchange student, this attack is a political issue and the consequences Lord Diavolo warned his people about originally must be put into play.

Politics aside though, Lucifer would never let any being who hurt MC get away with it.

Becomes a lot stricter with what they can and cannot do

Like, they're not even allowed to go for a walk around the block without either him or his brothers accompanying them.

Even changes up their class schedule to make sure they have at least one of his brothers with them per class and they even have to walk MC to their next one.

Any arguments about this from MC or the brothers fall on deaf ears.

He will never let anyone lay a hand on them again.

Mammon:

School day had ended and he was on his way to pick MC up from their class.

Since Lucifer decided the day they came that he was responsible for their safety, he always had to do stuff like this.

He was late today though since his teacher held him back after class.

Blah blah F on the test, blahh blah summer school, blaah blahh blaaaah. Whatever man; he wasn't listening

And because of them, he was late. So much so that when he arrived at the human's classroom, they weren't there.

Lowkey panicked.

Shit. Shit shit shit, where'd they go???

Practically runs in the halls trying to find them

Knows Lucifer will have his head for this if he can't track 'em down.

Ends up hearing some kind of ruckus in the courtyard

And finds a big group of students forming a circle and chanting "Fight!"

"Oh yell!" Is momentarily distracted from his problem and joins the group. "Fight! Fight! Fight--."

Oh shit. That's his human in the circle!

Mammon's brain just started buffering as he watched MC dodge and weave, even getting some good hits in. The second brother was actually pretty impressed.

The lower demon in the fight eventually lost his footing and fell to the ground, giving an opening for MC to give a big kick between his legs and the demon let out a shrill scream. His green skin started smoking and changed to grey as it hardened and suddenly seemed more like stone than a person.

The circle of students started cheering and Mammon's jaw practically hit the floor.

Holy shit, the human did it!

MC fell the ground, panting heavily and bruised from head to toe.

Mammon finally rushed up to them.

"Damn, MC! You're gonna give me a heart attack!"

All of a sudden, some students started running and others just quickly jumped back, revealing Lucifer and Diavolo.

....yep, he's dead.

The two older demons started asking MC questions as they caught their breath and Mammon tried to sneak away.

Lucifer grabbed his brother by his jacket, but otherwise paid him no mind as MC told their tale.

Apparently this demon that sits behind them in their Devildom History class had been giving them crap for a while; calling them names and pushing them around. Today they even started touching them in places that made them wanna break the demon's hand.

MC snapped and told them such. The demon only grinned. Honestly, he was probably waiting for them to say that.

From there, he dragged them out by their hair and the rest is rather obvious.

Diavolo had some of his men carry the demon away. Apparently, the stone-like skin is defense mechanism, essentially the equivalent of a turtle hiding in their shells for that sub-race of demon.

The prince assured MC that the demon will be dealt with and tasked Lucifer with getting them healed up.

Mammon was hung upside down from the roof for a few hours for letting this happen, but MC was patched up and okay in the end.

Leviathan:

He usually buys all of his otaku stuff off of Akuzon

But occasionally, he likes to go out and by manga at this store downtown.

It's a once in a blue moon sort of thing, but he still does it

MC felt like taking a walk so they joined him

The two explored the shop as Levi fanboyed about seemingly every other series he passed.

The otaku had already started a pile of manga he planned to buy.

He didn't even notice when MC left his side until he approached the counter to pay

Boy just assumes you bailed on him at first and sinks into self-loathing mode

Until he heard a scream from outside.

He abandoned his manga and raced out, just in time to see another demon run for it and MC leaning against the building.

Their right arm was bleeding from the holes and claw marks made into it.

The third brother started freaking out and rushed them home, even leaving his books there.

When they get back, Lucifer patches them up with a first aid kit and a little bit of a potion.

MC explains how they were shopping with Levi when all of a sudden they saw Beel outside the store waving at them

She went out to talk to him, but then suddenly, it wasn't Beel anymore.

Apparently, it was a shapeshifting demon and, since they specifically choose Beel's form to take, Lucifer assumed that they must have been watching them for a while and planning this attack. They likely chose Beel because they knew he was someone MC would let their guard around.

Levi felt like crap for letting them get hurt, but MC said it was their fault for being tricked.

Lucifer decided it was both their faults and gave them both a long lecture

Satan:

The fourth brother invited MC out for coffee

The blonde actually really likes the atmosphere of coffee shops and wanted to share it with them

The two ordered their coffee and sat at their table while talking about books. He recently read a book on artic fauna from the human world and was comparing the information he read with their own knowledge

It was a very relaxing experience like most of MC's quality with Satan.

Before the two of left, MC had to stop in the restroom.

That demon waited patiently for the human at their table, but when almost ten minutes went by, he became a bit annoyed and puzzled.

Not wanting to be rude, but also ready to leave, Satan approached the bathroom door

He paused mid knock when her heard a low growl followed by a cry from MC

Now in his demon form, the blonde kicked the door off its hinges. It wasn't locked or anything, but the man was super pissed.

Found a demon pressing MC, who had a gash in their head, against the opposite wall

'An eye for an eye' is more or less the philosophy he followed here, or rather, a head for a head.

He took the demon and slammed his head into another wall over and over again.

MC had to run up and tell him to stop after the other demon passed out.

They left the demon on the floor of the bathroom and Satan, with his arms around MC to keep them close, headed back to House of Lamentation

The human didn't want the other brothers to see them like this and worry so Satan snuck them into his room and went to get the first aid kit.

It was quiet between the two as he patched them up.

"I'm sorry for scaring you." He said as he finished with their stitches. "Seeing you hurt like that just made my blood boil. They deserved it, but you shouldn't have had to watch."

"It's okay... thank you for saving me."

The two spent the rest of the night huddled together in his room, reading and just settling down from the incident.

Asmodeus:

Shopping trip!

Asmo was a bit too enthusiastic about it, but that's part of why MC was all too willing to go

He mainly just wanted to see MC in cute outfits, but also bought a few for himself

Any self-consciousness MC might feel on her own is long gone when they spend time with him. He's always hyping them up and complimenting them and overall making them feel beautiful.

Time spent with Asmo is always a good time and well spent.

The fifth brother does actually leave their side for a bit after they found someone hot to flirt with

MC didn't mind and just let the Avatar of Lust do his thing as they continued to look through the racks.

At some point a very good looking demon approached them and started flirting with them

It became obvious that this dude was one of Asmo's demons, another demon of lust

Even with this in mind though, their attention really did make the human feel special, even if they probably said such sweet words to everyone

MC underestimated the demon, thinking that just because Asmo wasn't the aggressive sort that the demons under him wouldn't be either

Ends up following him out of the store and makes out with him against the wall of the building

They didn't understand why they were doing this, but the human's mind had been feeling foggy for a while now.

Suddenly, MC's whole body started to feel heavy and they were so dizzy that their vision was just a blur

Ends up passing out and waking up a few minutes later to Asmo crying as he stood over them and begging them to wake up

"Azzy?"

The man threw his arms around them.

Finds out that the fifth brother went looking for them when he saw that they weren't in the store anymore. He came outside just in time to see one of his underlings try to suck their soul out of their body.

As soon as they heard their superior's voice though, they dropped the human and ran.

The two went straight home and Asmo was extra clingy with them for the rest of the day.

Beelzebub:

The two of them went together to Madam Screams since they were both craving sweets.

Beel was really hungering for a cherry pit pie (though of course he planned on order other things as well) while MC was really hankering for some chocodevil cake.

The two happily got in line to pick out their treats, but MC stepped out to get a clearer view of the case with all of the treats to see if they wanted anything different instead.

Ends up getting attacked by a famished, minor demon of gluttony and slammed down on the glass case containing the sweets.

Beel jumped into gear; he changed into his demon form and threw the other demon off of them.

During the skirmish, the two ended up breaking down a wall and crushing three tables.

When the fight ended, the big guy rushed up to MC to make sure they're okay.

The human was bleeding and had a lot of glass shards embedded in their back and arms.

Though worried, the sweet boy keeps himself together and carefully takes out the bigger shards.

Rushes them home, treats forgotten.

Once home, Lucifer is the one who gets the rest of the glass out of their back and cleans up their wounds.

Beel stays by their side and lets them squeeze their hand when Luce's clean up hurts too much.

Luce gives his younger brother a lecture for all the stuff he had broken back at Madam Screams, but is surprisingly lenient with him.

The older brother didn't say it (and honestly, he should have), but he was proud of his brother for stepping up and protecting MC, but at the same time, expected nothing less from him.

Yeah, Lucifer will likely get sent the bill, but MC's safety is more important.

Belphegor:

Belphie had fallen asleep during class; no surprise there.

The rest of the students left the room when class ended, but the seventh brother continued to sleep at his desk.

MC found his sleeping face cute and didn't want to wake the demon

So instead, they hung around the classroom, waiting for the Avatar of Sloth to awake; the school day was over and the classroom wasn't going to be used for anything else so they thought there'd be no harm in hanging around.

Sadly, they were wrong.

Another student, a jerk from their Seductive Speechcraft class had waited for them to leave the classroom in order to harass them, but when they didn't come out, he came in.

Eventually had them backed up against the wall and forcing their hand up their shirt, causing the human to yelp.

He tried covering their mouth with his other hand, but MC bit them, angering the demon and leading them to putting their hands around their throat as he yelled at them.

The entire time, the minor demon never saw the Avatar of Sloth sleeping at his desk.

Big mistake.

Belphie woke up and saw the scene before him, turning into his demon form real quick.

Didn't hesitate to grab a hold of the bastard and make him let go of MC, who was now gasping for much needed air.

The seventh brother used his miasma aura to weaken the demon as he was now the one doing the choking with the lower demon.

MC covered their face and cried in their corner on the floor.

It was too similar to That Night™️ and the human was bordering on panic attack because of it.

Once the minor demon passed out, Belphie turned and saw MC crying on the floor.

He rushed up to them, but stopped once MC started screaming and begging for him to stay back.

That look in their eyes... it was the same fearful look he remembered from That Night™️

And it killed Belphie inside because he never wanted them to be scared of him ever again.

He waited for the human to calm down and, with their permission, slowly approached them.

He wanted to hug them, but was afraid that they'd just be reminded of it even more so he held back.

Surprising him, the human hugged him instead.

He held them tight for as long as they needed and started to notice the bruises forming on their neck

The two went home after that and reported the incident to Lucifer before Belphie dragged MC with him for a nap.

He chose Beel and his' room since he knew the attic would probably be too much for them right now.

Cuddled close to them and apologized for all of it. For falling asleep and leaving them defenseless. For the other demon's attack. For scarying them. Above all, that he was sorry for That Night™️

~

Masterlist

[elena-mayfair]

You’re allowed to have your opinions about whatever you want, but at your big age, I know you’re smart enough to know that your opinion was an uneducated one filled with assumptions and grand generalizations about people you don’t know. Many dark fics writers and readers are victims of assault themselves who feel that engaging in these fics gives them back a sense of control unlike in that particular situation(s) where they had none. Women who enjoy being submissive or in situations where they are submissive doesn’t equate to low self esteem. There’s literally no correlation. These fandoms are huge. There’s no shortage of writers who don’t write dark fics. You’re simply not looking for them because the dark fic community or whatever is relatively small. 1 in 3 women actually have rape fantasies. They’re very common. You just happen to come across those who write about it. Your post wasn’t about curiosity or questions and you know it. It was holier than thou and filled with judgement and your giddiness to look down on something you don’t understand nor have any intentions of understanding. It was filled with stuff you literally just pulled out of your head. No research. No actually reading up on why women fantasize about these things. Nothing. Just pure ignorance and vibes and you have the audacity to be shocked when people took offense to it. As an SA victim myself, I would never tell another how they should cope with their trauma. I could never even fix my mouth to do such a thing bc my experience is not everyone’s and anyone with common sense can understand that

I was very hesitant about replying to you and I wanna start by saying that I really really really don’t want to start the fight again. It wasn’t my intention in a first place, believe me or not. But there are few things that need to be clarify and I wanna take this opportunity to do that since the dust seems to settle on my post. So I’m sorry but it’s going to be long reply, partially to you partially to the people who commented under my OP, if they decide to read it.

Starting from a thing that annoys me the most, I never said anything about how people should cope with their trauma. What I said is that if someone gets turned on by reading about this kind of things, they should work on their self esteem, that is what I said (hold your hate, hide the torches, I’ll elaborate). I never said something on the line “if you find this helpful or healing you should work on your self esteem”. So please don’t twist my words. I know how difficult is dealing with trauma, and I’m not talking about rape trauma per say but trauma in general, so it would never even cross my mind.

Before you get angry, I wasn’t referring to the people who are into kink as general group. I wrote specifically that I “I get that people have different fantasies I do get that (...) I enjoy a bit of kink” - so no, I wasn’t condemning all people who are into all kinds of kink. I never expressed any hate towards people who are into it. Hate, pitchforks and torches came from the other side. Anyway, in my eyes there is a difference between kinky and straight disturbing. There is a difference between being submissive and being raped. People chose to read that as an personal attack on them and it is kinda obvious that I wasn’t referring to them, people who are into kink. You, they (I don’t know how to phrase this) you know how it works, what is a part of fantasy etc. something I personally know very little about because I’m not into it. Buuuuut, there are people out there who, like me, come across this type of content and upon discovering it are being shocked and horrified. And I’m sorry, you are aware that it’s coming from someone “outside of circle”, but I read some things which were truly horrifying. And again, I’m not referring to all of the kinky stuff, in my OP I was specifically referring to rape, degradation, breeding kink, non-con, forced pregnancy, very extreme things. I read through some truly horrifying things, rapes so violent that it makes Irreversible a rom-com. And comments under this kind of fiction weren’t about healing and helping but were indications of getting turned on, rounds of applause and appreciation for the author. And I’m sorry but for a life of my I don’t see how this might be helpful for an author or a reader who is a rape victim especially since the outcome of the rape rarely tackled. There is no aftermath, no repercussions for the abuser, no consequences for the abuser, nothing, just a plain violent act of rape. And yes, for someone who is “outside of the circle” it can look like normalization and erotization of a rape. But you know, it is an opinion if an ignorant.

Continuing, I’m sure you are aware that content can be read by people from “outside of circle” (and yes I will keep using that phrase from lack of better one). And believe it or not I wasn’t searching for it. Searching tag Steve Rogers x reader gave my only this type of fics for pages upon pages. Like I said before, perhaps Tumblr should work on their search engine. Going back to people “outside of the circle”, some will shake it off and move on, some will stay and maybe get into it more, and some well might take it on face value, in a very wrong way. Because you won’t convince me that art does not have impact on a real life, it does, it always did. And yes you are right, this is coming from my head, those are feelings and thoughts of a common folk. I’m sure you must be aware of potential danger of this kind of, let’s say themes, for someone who is “outside of the circle”. Let’s stretch our imagination for a sec: young girl come across this. She’s innocent, just discovering her sexuality, curiosity is the thing. And let’s be honest, forbidden fruit always tastes the best so of course she will ignore warnings. Around the same time she starts dating a guy, he’s not a very nice guy. They’re getting together and she’s not ready but we’ll he’s more than needing. So she thinks about all the things she read and maybe starts thinking that guys are into this, she doesn’t have much experience. So instead of running she becomes another rape victim. Or let’s look at this from the other perspective, a guys come across this kind of fiction and starts thinking that, hmm, maybe girls are into it. And next time he won’t take no for an answer, he will take this as an encouragement. Yeah, that is a possibility. And I don’t know how can I stress this enough, but it is only one of possible scenarios. That truly doesn’t mean that I’m hating or, damn this is ridiculous, kink-shaming people who are into kink. I’m simply presenting a scenario. Scenario from the point of view of a common folk, someone “outside of the circle”. And yes, yes, I read in the comments counter argument about violent games etc but we are not talking about this, and in my opinion it is just invalid argument. No one in their right mind will start killing people after playing a violent game. However sexuality is much more delicate subject, especially since power dynamics between man and a woman were always a difficult subject.

You saying that my post was filled with generalization, and yes you are absolutely right. It wasn’t targeted specifically toward people who are into kink, who am I to judge, I really really don’t give a flying fuck about what people do behind closed doors. It was about the sheer ridiculousness of the world we’re living in. That’s why I brought up subject of equal rights etc. Because we, society, as people, we are jumping from one opposite side of the extreme to another. On one hand women are fighting for equal rights, on the other hand we are taking all the power from women in the fiction, on one hand we are talking about toxic masculinity on the other we write about rape, on one hand women in some countries are fight for right to their bodies, on the other we are writing about forced impregnation. And I know, I know, one is a fiction an the other is a real life, it’s not for everyone, and so on. I get that. I’m painting a picture here. Picture of society which is swapping one extreme to another. And like I said before, this kind of fiction is being read not only by people who are into kink, but by common people, who know very little about it. And I’m sure you are aware, that common people can see it that way, and for common people rape fantasy is not normal, as in commonly accepted by society.

Anyways, this is longer than I wanted it to be. Like i said at the beginning, I have no intention in starting another fight. I never had intention like that in a first place believe it or not. For years I was a quiet Tumblr user, enjoying content that enjoy in my little part of the internet. You can check out my blog if you don’t believe me. So I won’t shit into your nest anymore, I’m going to crawl back to my little hole from which I crawled out. Enjoying content as I was before. And yes, I discovered filtering ;)

[aimmyarrowshigh]

aheavenlyrush replied to your post “I’ve been on tumblr since 2012 and I was even a John Green fan for a...”

i checked and it happened in 2015

aheavenlyrush replied to your post “I’ve been on tumblr since 2012 and I was even a John Green fan for a...”

i saw that jg post on my feed and i had no energy to comment on it but truly when i saw that you had i felt such relief!! i remember making that one post about stiefvater defending him and telling teenage girls to be quiet and the response to it still fucking haunts me i swear

Oy, was it really that recently? The last three years have taken 900 years. And yeah... Maggie Stiefvater’s post about it was a Really Bad Look, and iirc that was the environment that spawned the beginning of the batshit “Keep YA Kind”* concern-trolling thing (yep, also 2015) that was mainly used to silence girls and women and people of color whenever the four white cishet men in YA fucked up between 2015 and 2018, when it finally publicly came out that most of them were, yk, fucking up because they’re legitimately horrible people and maybe the people calling them out should have been taken seriously.

* The other notable “why the fuck is this happening???? why is HE the one getting the sympathy here?????” events from “Keep YA Kind,” which, listen, I would bet you anything that it was very very nearly called “Keep Kidlit Kind” until the only person involved with 1/4 of a braincell managed to realize the acronym on their Twitter handle looked REALL BAD:

Andrew Smith, a straight white adult man, says out loud with his human adult man mouth, that he knows he can’t write female characters well and relies on fetishization and stereotypes because he never really met a girl until his daughter (??? SO WHAT IS YOUR WIFE, ANDREW? CHOPPED LIVER?) and, being as that is Bullshit and also his books were also being lauded as though they were Infinite fucking Jest Jr. even though the interview in question was for a book in which mutant grasshoppers take over the earth and a teenage boy gets trapped in a bunker with a teenage girl who eventually has to git to birthin’ babies she doesn’t want and isn’t medically prepared to have safely For The Good Of Humanity, he’s called out.

He’s called out mostly on a technical, writing level at first, even! Like, “Here’s how to write a female character: you write a fully considered, well-rounded character. They’re a girl.” And Andrew Smith FLIPS HIS SHIT, does some op-ed about how his mother used to beat him so he can’t see girls as people, and makes his twitter private. The “Keep YA Kind” sycophants support him HARD.

And then this happens to pop up on a mysterious Twitter that just HAPPENS to start while HIS twitter’s offline...

NOTE: Jay Asher, author of 13 Reasons Why, was literally dropped from his publisher and SCWBI for being a sexual predator. So like, I don’t think he was bullied, I think his predation was being remarked upon. Like, idk, maybe that he was being called creepy or sth idk idk idk

And then when A.S. decided to unsockpuppet to promote his next book, The Alex Crow, which is about mutant crows and a bunker or whatever:

The “asshole” in specific that Andrew Smith was calling an asshole was delightful human being and fellow author Kate Messner, who, coincidentally, was one of the victims to come out against Lemony Snicket’s sexual harrassment, so she’s had a BULLSHIT time just trying to do her JOB of being an author while female.

Which leads to Tommy Wallach! All-around fucknut! Whose major interest seems to be being That Guy In Philosophy 101 Who Always Has To Be Devil’s Advocate, Even Though No One Asked, and has a deeply vested interest in making sure that teenage girl readers -- who are his target audience, because he chose to write YA, as an adult man who made a choice in what he wrote and chose to make it YA, and not, like, any of the hundreds of genres that AREN’T largely written about and for teenage girls, yk -- know that teenage girls are Dumb. Victoria Schwab actually wrote an essay for YA Books Central about the incessant problem that IS/WAS Tommy Wallach called “We Need To Talk About Tommy” back in -- you guessed it! -- 2016, but it’s offline now and I’m not going to go Wayback it rn.

I’m just going to copypasta YAinterrobang’s Wallach timeline because he’s exhausting, he reminds me of undergrad.

Wallach’s continual pattern of behavior is worth discussing, especially in the context of sexism in YA and the continual marginalization of “diverse” voices in the community despite the efforts of the We Need Diverse Books movement.

Wallach’s problematic behavior runs back over a year, starting with a defense of Andrew Smith where he ignores the opinions of author and advocate Tessa Gratton in favor of a dictionary definition of sexism. (Andrew Smith’s behavior and the fallout around his statements have, of course, already been documented on YA Interrobang in “The Curious Case of Andrew Smith, Twitter & sexism.”) Wallach postures that women are inherently “other” from men, accuses Gratton of “gin[ning]up the controversy” and explains that he is a feminist because he was “raised by a single working mother and she’s still my best friend in the world.”

[View Wallach’s defense of Smith and attack on Gratton as a .pdf.]

Fast forward to later that year. Author Justina Ireland takes to Twitter to discuss a book where she feels the black character is self-hating. Ireland, being black herself, is asked about the book in question; she says that it’s Wallach’s debut novel We All Looked Up. Though Wallach is not tagged, he swoops into the conversation and demands Ireland provide proof that his character Anita is self-hating before claiming that author Dhonielle Clayton, who is also black, is friends with him and “engaged” with him on the issues in the book.

Clayton later stated publicly that she had not done any sensitivity reading on We All Looked Up.

What brought Wallach’s behavior to the attention of the YA world as a whole came this past November in the wake of the horrifying terrorist attacks in Paris. When the hashtag #prayforparis went viral, Wallach responded with multiple social media posts and a blog post about how atheism was the only belief that could make the world a better place. (Though Wallach argues that it is not, in fact, a belief: “The fact that we have a word for it makes it seem like it’s equivalent to other belief systems, but it’s not. The absence of something is not equivalent to the thing itself.”)

[View Wallach’s comments on atheism as a .pdf.]

After Wallach Tweeted that he was a “a rabid atheist, and the world would be a better place if more folk were” – a Tweet he subsequently deleted before deleting his account in its entirety – he doubled down in a block post that outlined all the way religions failed and all the reasons atheism was awesome.

Those who tried to explain to him why this behavior was – to say the least – problematic found themselves quickly blocked or shut down; at once point, Wallach tried to explain anti-Semitism to Jewish author Hannah Moskowitz before claiming that “if [her]parents are atheists and [his]dad is Jewish, [he’s] as much Jewish as [her].”

(For those wondering, Wallach blocked me during this incident despite being friendly with me and having taken my advice previously; while he did believe me in regards to his behavior towards Justina Ireland, which you can see in Tweets above, my snarky comment to him about “the only good people are the people who are exactly like me” was, apparently, too much for him to take. As Wallach’s account has since been deleted and I purged my social media account in January, that interaction is no longer publicly available.)

Take this behavior in comparison to author LJ Silverman, who recently received a sea of anti-Semitic hate mail – including crude manipulated images of her in an oven – for Tweeting that she was worried about the upcoming election in the context of history. Wallach painted himself to be the victim, somebody “attacked” for insulting all of the religious folks in the YA community, while Silverman, who simply shared a worry plaguing her, became a victim of virulent trolls.

While Wallach deleted his social media accounts after this, there were no public consequences to his actions despite ill-will from the YA community at large. If another member of the YA community had spoken out – one of our Catholic or Islamic or Jewish or Mormon authors, for instance – the backlash would have been substantially worse, possibly career-ruining.

Wallach’s career, however, was not ruined; he recently landed a six-figure deal for a book trilogy centered around a “holy war.”

And thus, we return to Wallach’s dismissive comments on suicide – which, it turned out, were neither new or original. In a blog post deleted after it came to light during this discussion, Wallach rated “the top ten literary suicides (organized by emo-ness)” which included all of the characters of HBO’s Girls – “It’s really just a fantasy of mine.” – and, ranking at number one, Sylvia Plath – who is not a character but a real person who suffered from depression before taking her own life at a young age.

[View Wallach’s post on suicide as a .pdf.]

“I’m only going to talk about the fact that a successful YA author found it appropriate to glorify, romanticize, and mock what for many of his readers is among the highest causes of death,” wrote Schwab in her “We Need To Talk About Tommy” post. “That this author could be so very careless and flippant and insensitive about such a very serious issue is abhorrent. That two years after penning this post he still sees suicide as something to be made light of, to be used as a marketing tool.”

Simon & Schuster made no public comment about any of Wallach’s comments. His career, save for making enemies of some fellow authors, seems relatively unscathed by his callous actions.

Anyway, the moral of the story is, like, if you wanna read books by straight white dudes, go for it, but check them out from the library. Spend your book-buying money on books by women, nonbinary/other folks, and dudes who aren’t straight and/or white. Straight white men, PARTICULARLY in categories of literature that are largely targeted towards girls and women, and largely written by girls and women -- but published, edited, and marketed by other straight white men -- are lauded FAR above what they’re actually worth, as like, storytellers or human people go.

The Glass Escalator is a one-way trip to wonderland, but YA is a skyscraper that was built by women and I PROMISE you, whatever book by one of these dudes you’re considering reading, there’s a better version by a woman and/or person of color on the shelves nearby that just didn’t get 1/10th of the marketing money.

And of course there should be an effort to be kind on social media, but “keep YA kind”... to whom? To the people who were being silenced when they were pointing out legitimate problems with the behaviors of men in social power? (And one of whom, in the case of Jay Asher, was LITERALLY DANGEROUS BC HE IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.) Like, really? There had to be a hashtag campaign to silence dozens of people with legitimate, not-bullying-just-pointing-out-problems-that-are-problems-with-stuff-you-did-dude problems, to make social media feel more comfortable for four middle-aged straight white men?

As though the outside world isn’t comfortable enough for middle-aged straight white men????

[blueboyluca]

I’ve been involved in two online communities in my life. The first was when I was a teenager. I was really big on the Björk forum for a couple years (did you know I am a massive Björk fan?). I relished in it because I was popular and had lots of friends, which wasn’t what was happening in my real life at school. But because I was young and inexperienced, I didn’t realise that most of those relationships were damaging and the way I clung to them was unhealthy. I didn’t know how to deal with it back then, I didn’t know how to make it a healthy experience, so I just blew it up from my life and moved on.

After that I swore off online communities until dogblr. Despite having a Tumblr since 2009, I didn’t become part of any communities here until seven years later. I got a dog and decided I would become part of the online dog community. It would be different this time. But in the early days, I went right back to my old habits.

I was gung-ho about everything that was happening. I wanted to be in-the-know and included, whatever that looked like. I thrived on the outrage. I followed blogs that would always respond to baits. I added in my two cents everywhere, thinking my opinion was important and relevant and needed to be heard.

There’s one incident I want to talk about. One of the big blogs was in an argument with a much smaller blog who just wouldn’t quit. The smaller blog said something racist. So naturally that garnered a lot of angry responses from all the followers of the big blog. I was someone who left a response. I called that person a piece of shit. Those were the words I chose to use. Wow what a POS, I said. And I went on my merry way.

Since then, I slowly started to realise that I was just reliving my teenage years. Here I was, ten years older, making the same mistakes all over again.

Here’s the truth that I have learned: people will behave the way they want to behave. I can’t control how people are going to behave. I can’t make people behave differently. What I can do is control the way I behave. If someone says something bad and I respond with more bad, what have I achieved? Why do I get to justify my bad behaviour but I won’t justify theirs? How come I give myself the benefit of the doubt, but nobody else?

So I sent that person an apology for calling them a piece of shit, and I promised myself to try to do better. And sometimes I fail, but I am so much better at catching myself. Going back and apologising for my words if necessary. Going back and reflecting on the way I said something, if it was the right way. Because it’s not going to be perfect on the first try every time.

I can be part of an online community with people that behave in ways I don’t like. It’s not all or nothing. I can do better. I can control how I behave and that’s all that matters here. I don’t have to respond to things that annoy or offend me. I don’t have to give a platform to people who are behaving in bad faith. And if I believe people are behaving in good faith, but are still wrong, I can engage with that in a different way. But the bottom line is, I can’t control how other people behave and I’m OK with that.

Since then, I’ve gotten really good at curating my online experience. I’ve had worse incidents, I’ve still behaved in ways that I’m ashamed of, but in the words of Montaigne (the singer, not the philosopher), I will continue to try to be kind.

And I’ll also say, sometimes it can go the opposite way. I’ve given the benefit of the doubt too many times, and then I had to deal with the consequences of that, even if that seemed unfair to me. But it’s never too late to start taking responsibility for my behaviour and it’s never wrong to choose to be kind, even if it seems justified to not be.

I’m not standing on a soapbox here. I’m talking exclusively about my own experiences.

[saras-almanac]

crazy ex girlfriend finale thoughts

So I’ve been thinking about this since last week and with the finale this week, I just felt like writing out my thoughts on why I don’t really love the way the final few episodes have played out, culminating in this love quad-angle for Rebecca. As much as I’d love for her to end up with Nathaniel or Josh (Greg is just not a viable option and I’ll get to that), I hope that it ends with her choosing no one for now, but the future is open for possibilities.

(No spoilers below, just speculation and frustration at the situation.) 

Okay, so my main issue is that they’ve framed Greg as, not only a viable option, but like it feels like they’re trying to push him as the option for Rebecca. And like, I don’t like that and don’t really see it. Now part of this might be because the recast (Skylar) just isn’t good in this role. He can’t pull off the sarcastic asshole like Santino could because Santino brought a depth and slightly unwanted care and concern for the people around him, though he tried to hide it at times. Skylar’s Greg (and it might be a writing thing) just always feels a bit smarmy and just a dick.

That aside, Rebecca and Greg sort of only worked years ago because they weren’t really invested in each other at the same time. Not only that, Greg never really liked the parts of Rebecca that are sort of fundamentally her. And yes, she was slightly manic and obsessive at the time because of her mental health, but I still never really got the feeling that they even really knew each other that well. That’s okay because they weren’t really supposed to be anything more. We wanted to root for Greg since Rebecca was, as she put it “the villain” in the story of Josh—at that time anyway. But then when she does actually choose Greg, he can’t quite let go of the fact that Rebecca had been into Josh—even though he knew that going into it. He literally says in the first episode that her not being available/into him is his type.

But they were cute while they lasted though they were rightly called a shit show.

Now, he’s back and it’s just highlighting to me how much they’re not meant to be together, but the show doesn’t seem to be commenting on that. Yes, Greg’s been away and off screen “changing” and “growing” but he hasn’t really. Yes, he’s overcome his alcohol addiction, which is nothing to scoff at, but he’s still the same grouchy and mostly mean person he was, just without the layers of actually caring about friends. He didn’t even try and talk to Josh, who was his so-called best friend, when he came back. And yes, we could argue that it would be awkward, but if Valencia can help plan Josh and Rebecca’s ill-fated wedding, Greg can get over himself to actually take the time to have an honest conversation with his friend to either have closure or move passed things. (And yes, I know that not everyone needs to have closure, but this instance it was needed.)

The show is basically just telling us how different Greg is but like… I don’t really see it, except for the negative. They chose to have Rebecca and Greg start again, which is fine, but it let Greg of the hook from having an honest discussion about his feelings and everything that went on in their past. It’s just hard for me to look past that because we saw Rebecca having to confront her past actions and the consequences of them, and we saw both Nathaniel and Josh doing the same thing. But Greg’s never had to and, for me, it makes it hard to root for him.

Which brings me to last week’s episode where they acted like Greg’s declaration pushed him way out ahead of the other guys but like… why? The other two have been open and honest about their feelings with Rebecca for a while—Nathaniel especially has been fluctuating between pining and trying to get over her for like a season now. I don’t feel like it’s fair that Greg’s giving an A+ for sort of doing the bare minimum? Also, he put zero effort into their date which brings me to main complaint about the Greg x Rebecca dynamic: he doesn’t give a shit about anything that she likes or thinks is important and that’s, not only his defining character trait, but he acts like it’s charming and should be celebrated. The other two guys took the time to create a night for Rebecca that was special because they knew what was important to her and what she cared about; Greg was just going with a hot air balloon—after originally not planning on doing anything—because why not? I mean, remember the Raging Waters incident? Being in a relationship should mean that you actually want to do stuff with your partner, especially when it’s something really important to them.

Greg doesn’t even seem to understand the importance Rebecca’s relationships and friendships are to her. He literally only makes an effort with Paula because Hector suggests that he should cause Paula might put in a good word for him. He’s literally only trying to get in Paula’s good graces to win at the end of this. Both Nathaniel and Josh sort of became friends or friends-adjacent to Rebecca’s crew because of circumstances, trying to become better or more mature people, or because they genuinely didn’t want to be on bad terms with them. Greg’s thoughts don’t add up here. (If there was another season, this might not be as big of a deal.)

I get that this is turning into a Greg hate-fest, but it’s my blog so whatever. (But I get if you don’t want to read this anymore. No hard feelings.)

I just feel like the show is telling us, practically screaming at us that Greg’s the choice for Rebecca but there’s no evidence to really back that up. We’ve seen Rebecca, Josh, and Nathaniel all grow and mature as people, facing their past mistakes, and also wanting to be better for each other and the people in their lives. Greg just doesn’t have that. They loved Rebecca through it all and are still now supporting her. And perhaps that’s not fair because Greg was away at business school, but I just don’t feel like he gets Rebecca at the end of the day. When they broke up a few episodes ago, it felt right and like they’d reached their natural conclusion of just two people being incompatible, and then this episode, they brought it right back and it just doesn’t make sense to me compared to Josh and Nathaniel.

Again, I’ll say that I’m hopeful that the show doesn’t necessarily end with a final, clear-cut decision because there’s bound to be some disappointment and I think it’d be more keeping with the vein of the show that it’s Rebecca’s story and sort of leaving her future open and hopeful would be amazing. (But like I also won’t be made if she ends up with Josh, Nathaniel, or a combination of them.)

[murdocsagaypirate]

The Fall of 2D

A Character Essay

So.. this ended up being a nice long read.. but.. I think some of y’all might enjoy it. I just kind of got carried away. But I’m done~ Back to fanfiction~  I’ve done more thorough analyses of most of these songs that I touch on here in the past. If you go to my blog and type in the songs name in search you’ll find it ... unless I haven’t done it yet... and in that case go ahead and request it if you like.

Remember when you were a little kid and you would look at the clouds in the sky as the sunlight bounced off them? And something that simple would make you feel a part of everything, and all alone at the same time. And the feeling’s not something you can ever put into words, so you spend your whole life chasing it. Making music, taking pictures, painting, whatever. In the hope that other people will understand that sense or… feeling. As creative entities, we look for signs of life outside ourselves for a connection to alleviate the sense of solitude. That’s why we all do what we do. Whether we know it ourselves or not.

Phase 1: Someone Else’s Dream

2D never dreamed he’d be famous, or even successful, in any capacity. No one ever treated him like he possibly could be because he was disabled. He had chronic pain and hindered cognitive ability from childhood that shaped how others perceived him. His bright blue hair growing out of his damaged head made it so that everyone knew he was different- he was stupid. And that perception shaped him. It shaped him into someone with no big dreams, someone that tolerated being bullied, someone with poor self-efficacy and no sense of independence or developed sense of identity. He liked films and he liked music and it didn’t go much deeper than that. Not because he was stupid and shallow, as he’s clearly always been a very deep and creative thinker, but because no one ever gave him the options and opportunity to pursue something bigger. He says in the phase 5 football interview, “My mum and dad taught me not to aim too high.” No one ever believed in him.... 

Until Murdoc came along. 2D’s blue hair is directly associated to the event that handicapped him but to Murdoc it represented anything but a handicap- it gave 2D the unique looks that would make him a priceless asset in Murdoc’s pursuit of his personal dreams. For the first time in his life, Murdoc made 2D believe he was capable and valuable because he was talented and attractive. 2D didn’t need to be worshiped like Murdoc, he just needed to be worth something, and Murdoc gave him a way to do that. That’s what 2D means when he says that Murdoc “saved his life”, that’s a big reason WHY he idolized him in addition to the fact that 2D appreciates that Murdoc is genuinely talented and driven. 

I can’t impress this enough: 2D was only 19 years old. Old enough to know you’re expected to be an adult, to make something of yourself, but for many still not old enough to be one - especially for someone that grew up disabled, whose independence wasn’t fostered ... Make no mistake: 2D was vulnerable and Murdoc, who was 31, took advantage of him. This is a 2D analysis so I’m not going to go into why Murdoc did this, but at the end of the day, Murdoc was a fucking shitty shitty person and there no good excuse. 

Already by the time the first album came out, 2D had already figured out he’d been taken advantage of. That’s what New Genius (Brother) is about. It’s about Murdoc and the promises he made him about the path to success he was going to take him on, about the river they were going to ford together and how 2D felt betrayed. 

Besides what we learn in RoTO, there are some songs that you can’t totally parse out what lyrics on Gorillaz debut album belong to 2D and which belong to Murdoc besides simply what makes sense. It’s interesting though you can easily argue that there are shared sentiments in songs like Slow Country about working hard to succeed and being lonely. In RoTO a lyric for this song is included, “City life, leave my soul in deep water.” which mirror’s “The river ain’t deep.” in New Genius (Brother). Sound Check (Gravity) is a song he sang straight from his heart on a rooftop in Jamaica with Noodle, that repeats themes of feeling pressured and betrayed and the theme of a confusing and broken love which will reoccur, over and over. At that time (in Jamaica, no less) that love is actively breaking, not broken yet, but he doesn't know what to do. Latin Simone characterizes his depression and the realization that he’s just not happy on this path he’s started on, but there’s no escaping it now. Then you have a song like 12D3, that very directly characterizes him as a simple person that takes simple pleasure in music. There are various songs and lines on Self-titled that characterize drug dependency both for 2D and for Murdoc. Phase One, overall, sets us up with a picture of a 2D who is still enthusiastic about his future as a musician for no other reason than his passion for music, yet disillusionment is quickly setting in, both toward the lifestyle of fame and his idol and best friend. 

Phase 2: Feel Good?

This is where 2D starts talking about his never-ending quest to “find himself”. 2D never got to gain independence. He went straight from dependency on his parents to dependency on Murdoc, living at his mansion studio and literally letting him tie his shoes. His parents never fostered an ability to self-care or a sense of ambition, so Murdoc gifted him his ambition and without Murdoc, 2D doesn’t have his own sense of identity. 

So, of course, leaving Murdoc after phase 1, he went back to his parents, to work for his dad. He returned to his hometown, to a bunch of people that treated him like a worthless idiot. But now he’s famous. So now he’s surrounded by people that want to validate him... Which he fucking eats up, because it fills the hole left by his upbringing... Not to mention all the very fucking irresponsible sex. There is much that goes unstated about this phase of 2D’s life, it seems he chooses to paint it as wholly positive, yet we know the lasting consequences of it (child support for for several kids for the next 18 years) as well as the fact that he ultimately chose to leave it behind and return to Gorillaz and back into the same lifestyle that he hated and is only getting worse as Gorilaz’s popularity hits it major peak in 2005:

The Feel Good Inc music video give shit tons of insight into the characters and the lyrics. Notably, the way that 2D is placed at the center, on a throne, and how utterly miserable he is on that throne. It’s not JUST the debauchery he struggles with, but the position of stardom and idol worship he’s been thrust into. 

“Take it all in on your stride” run’s parallel to Latin Simone’s “Give up, if you want to survive.” He’s resigned to this path, never exhibited any desire to fight it really, because he’s never known another path. Without Gorillaz, he’s aimless. “Turn forever, hand in hand... It is ticking, falling down. Love forever, love has freely turned forever you and me. Windmill, windmill for the land. Is everybody in?” The windmill represents freedom, Noodle’s freedom contrasted with 2D’s imprisonment specifically, yet here he sings about it “falling”, foreshadowing El Manana. He talks about the utter destruction of hope happening to all of them. “Is everybody in?” 

Remember the theme of a “breaking love” I’d say would be returning over and over? 2D is trapped in the tower with Murdoc who watches him like some kind of predator throughout the video. Russel is there too, which characterizes him as lacking the freedom that Noodle has but coping through staying focused on drumming, making music. This person that 2D is turning with forever, falling, hand in hand is mainly Murdoc. 

While much of this album was written by Noodle, 2D has specifically talked about writing chorus of Feel Good Inc. And there are other songs on the album I’ll touch on that, although lore never specifically states, I can only assume are written by 2D by how well they fit into his character arc at this point in his life and make no sense in characterizing Noodle.  

O Green World continues with the themes of Feel Good Inc with the line “Hope, sex and drugs will rust into myself holy. It feels holy,” further characterizing the disturbing dichotomy of pleasurable addiction as a destructive force. Placing “hope” on the list of things that 2D clings to for comfort that destroy him is heartbreaking and we’ll watch how this “hope” becomes more and more painful to hold onto throughout the years. The larger focus of O Green World is the narrative about a failing relationship: the current state of his relationship with Murdoc. A desperation and confusion over a crumbling relationship is also explored in Every Planet We Reach is Dead. Lines like “For all the sacred selfless days, only left with heartache. I want to see you again. I love you... But what are we going to do?” paints the same picture 2D will eventually paint for us again in The Now Now. He will look back on this era of their relationship where he clung to hope that they’d be close, happy and healthy again. And yet... we know how that turned out...

Phase 3: Alone Together

I only really joined the band to make music, and now, I'm being held captive by a bastard bass player in an underwater submarine, being attacked by sodding pirates who are trying to take over this rotten piece of broken plastic in the ocean that Gorillaz call 'home'. All this, just to make a video. It's making me want to die!

So... this is a major phase for 2D, but of course, that fact is often overshadowed but what a big deal it was Murdoc. We have hours of podcast and a whole album to witness Murdoc’s deterioration and precious little to witness 2D’s, though there is certainly enough to analyze especially later in the phase. 

2D doesn’t seek attention like Murdoc does. He’s motivated by validation, sure, but not in the practically narcissistic way Murdoc is. 2D isn’t the one that is constantly engaging with fans, soaking up our attention and admiration. He wants to connect to people through music, not as a celebrity, just as a musician. He’s private, and that loss of privacy that comes with fame is probably yet another factor that caused him to hate it.

2D struggles with emotional isolation like Murdoc but in a completely different way. It’s not that he fears and avoids connection and vulnerability like Murdoc, in that quote I started this with he shows that he finds it to be something important and profound. It something he simply finds difficult for many reasons. One, his disability that clearly effects his communication skills. Then the inherent isolation that comes with stardom. And finally, an inability to connect with himself first and foremost, his undeveloped sense of personal identity comes back into play, that theme of struggling to “find himself”.

Little Pink Plastic Bag characterizes the isolating feeling of drifting through life without purpose. 2D has lost control of his life, knowing he was going to school before this phase might indicate he was beginning to find purpose but once again (and in a much more literal sense) he’s forced away from his own dreams to serve Murdoc’s. “What you want in life? Someone here'll gonna get past by” hearkens back to so many themes present in the first album. In New Genius (Brother) he sings, “People passing through me.” 2D still feels overlooked, underappreciated, so many years later. 

2D talks about Revolving Doors: “As I was walking through the doors of the hotel - the revolving doors - and the dislocation of being away, you know, out of sorts, away from home. and the image of this door permanently revolving, the endless repetition and the pointless rhythm of it all I guess struck like, a melancholic image within me. It paints a similar aimless image to pointlessness of plastic bag floating on the highway. Revolving Doors also pretty explicitly references drug use, specifically about buying drugs and getting shorted by the dealer. It’s not news, just notable that substance abuse is still very much present. Another major theme is 2D lamenting how much fame has changed him and his fear of what more is to come which come up again in Amarillo.

Amarillo is such a fucking beautiful song. “I got lost on the highway. But don't ask me where I've been. Or what I've done.” The trials of the last few years have changed 2D, he recognizes this and fills him with regret. And again, he expresses that utter lonely we’re familiar with by now. 

Finally, we have DoYaThing giving us incite at the very tail end of this phase of the state of 2D’s relationship with Murdoc, which has quite obviously suffered but enough time is past that they are ready to start healing again. The line “If you're thinking that I don't know what you're thinking, baby. You do more thinking and I'll go out and make it alright“ expresses a concept 2D explored a few times on Demon Days, “I know you now, I know you know me too.” in O Green World characterizes there relationship as legitimately intimate, they understand each other. This sort of relationship is suggested in interviews too, mostly Murdoc relying on 2D to help handle a crisis, while it doesn’t seem that Murdoc is emotionally equipped to return the favor, yet another way Murdoc contributes to 2D’s chronic loneliness. Despite how much 2D is struggling with at the end of phase 3 he still expends energy worrying about Murdoc. After their live recording of Detroit, 2D responds to Murdoc thanking him, presumably just for the fun of the moment, “I was just glad to help, really.”

DoYaThing expresses this dynamic of expending energy and getting little in return with frustration. Before, 2D was confused and hurt, now he’s angry and impatient. “Every time we try, we get nowhere“... “I've got no patience. Oh, it's all a part of the process. Nothing's new, it's true, cool, I admit. Shit, I guess you're right“ 2D is holding on but growing bitter... 

Phase 4: Gone Gone Gone

It’s obvious in this phase that his drug abuse is at an all-time high. The entire phase, songs, pictures, interviews, portrayed the band as going all out partying, which, of course, involved drugs. Recreational is one thing, but we know it’s more than recreational for 2D. Sleeping Power was the big 2D song of this phase. All the way back to Tomorrow Comes Today’s music video we see 2D’s drug abuse almost being portrayed as a fun aesthetic as brightly colored pain pills fly at the screen and now with Sleeping Power 2D is having a hell of a good time singing about a day he spent “gone”, completely strung out. He starts the video with the old “This is your brain on drugs” ad, which is practically become a joke in modern culture. and it’s an interesting contrast with the extremely emotional way Murdoc writes about his alcoholism in Plastic Beach, or the dark and completely unflattering way it’s portrayed in White Light.

There’s no denying 2D is depressed, but when it comes to his coping methods it seems he copes even further by making it a part of his identity. It’s not difficult to understand why he’d be so inclined to see his addiction as a positive thing, not only does it help his mood but it manages crippling chronic pain. No matter what though, addiction and substance abuse are never sustainable for mental health and 2D has struggled with this issue or a long.. long.. time. 

As for his relationship with Murdoc at this point, it remains in pieces. We see the bitterness 2D feels toward him throughout phase 4. We lose 2D’s voice on Humanz but find so much incite exploring his phase 4 room. Murdoc’s face is plastered on his wall vindictively covered in darts. And yet we find his poems promising, “Yes I am still with you.” and “I will stay. The storm abates. The levy holds.” He’s angry but still refuses to give up. Whether you want to interpret it romantically or not, he clearly still loves Murdoc and we see this even more in The Now Now... 

Phase 5: Reflection

On Plastic Beach, if 2D is trapped on an island of isolation then it’s only because Murdoc is the ship that stranded him there. In Magic City, if 2D is on the moon - shining brightly for everyone to see - it’s because Murdoc was the rocket ship that crash landed him on it. The Now Now is chalk full of callbacks and beautifully shows where 2D has come from and where he is now, especially in his relationship to Murdoc. “You put me up here in the penthouse.” Murdoc is the force that made him successful, the reason he’s famous. "I filled the canyons with my ego” The canyon, the hole in himself. We get a call back all the way to New Genius (Brother) as he changes the effect on the vocal’s to sound like some distance voice from the past of someone promising 2D ease of passage only to betray him by leading him to danger, “Let me take you this far. This crossing isn't much to me. There's lightning in the storm clouds. And I'll send you there to stay” and of course, that voice is Murdoc’s. 

Like he’s been for years, he’s trapped in this lifestyle. Looking all the way back to 5/4. He talks about the same debauchery and spoils of fame he feels trapped back in Feel Good Inc and calls them “magic”. It’s ironic but at the same time addresses the fact that he was promised they would be magic, promised they would feel good, only to feel betrayed when they weren’t. “Magic on me. Really got me down... Magic’s funny. Magic get me through.” The same magic that depressing him, he relies on to get through: drugs, sex, the validation of fame, you name it. It’s a common tale we see for celebrities time and time again. Trapped in this “Magic City”, he wants to make it “home”. He talks about making his journey home in Kansas as well... where exactly does 2D consider “home”? I wonder if even he knows. Our sense of home is so tied to our sense of security and identity, something 2D has always struggled with. On his quest “home”, by the end of the album the thing that he truly returns to.. is Murdoc. In Souk Eye he decides to come back for him... after all this... he’s still willing to give him yet another chance. Throughout the years he’s had one anchor and one anchor alone: Murdoc. So in the absence of this anchor, his sense-of-self changes dramatically as he tries to emulate the man that was once his idol. Of course, we see this play out in the lore... But... at this point (9/28/18) anything I say about 2D actions in this phase beyond the early characterization through the album is just speculation... So, back to the album...

There are few places where 2D talks about how much he’s sacrificed for Murdoc’s sake, how he’s stood by and suffered for him, even made music for him when he really just didn’t want to anymore. Idaho references this and the level of idolization he once felt for Murdoc so long ago, “Playing it all for gods Yesterday/Faraway” and the role of Murdoc in pressuring him, ““Ride on," said the king of cool. you've got nothing to lose“ and how his hope faded through the years, “Silver linings getting lost”. Fireflies again frames Murdoc’s role in driving him, “You were in the kind of game that put the force in me“ and overall speaks to his desperation to hold onto hope throughout the last 20 years. 

The lore supports these songs are about Murdoc in far more obvious ways then has ever been done. Between the Souk Eye visualizer and 2D’s journal, the depths for which he feels for him becomes undeniable. The deterioration we’ve witnessed has caused him so much pain and yet his love remains. “If loving you’s a felony now, then I’m a renegade.” 

2D’s story serves as a tragic retelling of the path that so many real-life famous musicians have taken. Being in the limelight is rarely something normal people are able to cope with, and clearly, 2D is no exception. It changed him, caused him to make decisions he hated. He never would have chosen this lifestyle without Murdoc pressuring him, and returns over and over even when he has the choice to stay away because it’s one of the few solid things he can grasp as part of his identity. Meanwhile, he’s bound to an individual that’s even more unhealthy then he is, enabling his isolation, denying him support, taking advantage of him from day one, manipulating his poor sense of self-worth. All of it crushed his once child-like spirit... only time will tell where he goes from here. Maybe one day he’ll finally see the end of his abuse, heal with the man he’s forgiven too many times, and find security in his own self-worth... 

Now if all that made you too sad here’s a video of 2D being absolutely adorably happy because he has the opportunity to connect with fans through sharing his passion for music. 

[smarmykemetic]

If you want the people who disagree with you all the time to respect you, well respect has to be earned, you cas't just demand it.

When I got this anon the other day, I ultimately decided to ignore it, because I knew it was almost certainly from the same person who sent me these (x x x), as well as several other pieces of anonymous hatemail that I chose to ignore; as well as almost certainly from one of the same two people (BBSAS and anubianpagan) who I am 99% sure run that anonymous chickenshit drama blog that, ultimately, does nothing but provide a platform for racist, self-righteous cowards to be racist, self-righteous cowards. However, since I just saw in my notes that this same blog has tagged me once again, I decided that I may as well go ahead and give this anon the answer I would give it if I genuinely believed that the sender wanted a conversation about my MO when it comes to what I mean by “respect” and how yall can expect me to treat “””people who disagree with me all the time”””” (read: crypto-fascists and their “centrist” or in some cases, “classically liberal” enablers). 

This is gonna be a long one, so buckle up:

I treat internet arguments that I either start or stumble into, first by giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, and assuming that whatever the disagreement is, is probably a matter of misinformation or miscommunication. Most of the conflicts I deal with online and irl seem to boil down to this in some way, shape, or form, so these days the first thing I do in a confrontation is show my opponent the basic respect of assuming that they are a rational, free-thinking, intelligent person with the best of intentions who just doesn’t know what they’re talking about as well as they think they do. People get very very angry with me when I let on that that is what I think is happening, so I usually try to give them the information and perspectives that I have without being mean or smug. This is also the stage where I sometimes find out that I don’t know what I’m talking about as well as I thought I do; and while it’s usually not fun to find that out, and the other person is usually very smug and mean when they tell me, I’m proud to announce that I have the basic respect for myself, my opponents, and objective fuckin’ reality that I have no problem posting publicly, “I stand corrected; my opponent was right and I was wrong” when I have been convinced, either through hard evidence or persuasive arguments, that I was wrong about something. In fact, I have a tag specifically for admitting i’m wrong and apologizing on both my tumblr blogs (x x). 

The thing is, often, no amount of sharing information or clarifying my political, philosophical, or personal reasons for taking a certain stance on something, will cause the other person to back off or admit they may have been wrong about something. When I realize that I’m dealing with someone who has already decided what they believe and is just going to waste my time by regurgitating points that they obviously heard either on some edgy adult cartoon show that they clearly believe is not just “funny”, but the holder of some kind of deep moral philosophical wisdom; or on some online meme page that, either knowingly or unknowingly, posts literal crypto-fascist propaganda (here’s where i plug a youtube series that has been invaluable in helping me learn to recognize crypto-fascists, in our community and outside of it; no, this particular youtube series is not my only source on this topic; it’s just the one I think is best for this context)…when I realize that is the situation, I once again extend my opponent the basic respect of assuming that they are a rational, free-thinking, intelligent person who has decided, for whatever reason, to believe the things that they believe. I give them credit for believing the things that they argue in favor of, the things that they send me hatemail for criticizing them for, that they are so fucking furious about that they decide the only way they can possibly deal with the alleged authoritarian injustice of me writing and posting things online, is going around and anonymously, desperately trying to get people to believe that I am crazy, or an immature “child”, or a liar, or a dangerous violent extremist, or in league with A/pep itself. Or, usually, all of the above.

I respect them enough to treat them as what they are telling me, both with their words and actions, that they are. And I treat them with all of the “””respect””” that is due to somebody who acts and behaves that way: almost none. As in, so little that I have absolutely no interest in engaging with you or your ideas in any kind of a serious “debate”. So little that I am not interested in meeting whatever standards you may choose to list so that I may, as you say, “””earn your respect”””. In fact, I respect you so little that I am not and will not ever genuinely “demand” your “respect”, because I do not want to be “respected” by you and others like you. I aspire to have as little to do with you as possible. I aspire to prevent you from hurting me, or my friends, or my family, or my neighbors with your racist, fear-mongering bullshit. I aspire to make you change your mind about acting on the things you are telling me you believe; your *~*~opinions~*~* about why you say and do the things you do do not matter to me at all.

Some may say this attitude is mean or unfair. I say that this attitude is simply me refusing to play the respectability politics game, no matter how much anybody whines and screams and cries anonymously, anywhere online. Some may say that this is about me “lacking the emotional maturity” to deal with you and your ilk. I say that this is about me having the compassion for, and solidarity with, and basic respect for the marginalized and oppressed in the Kemetic community that is required to look at someone saying something like, “Hey, what if it’s actually okay to be racist so long as we say we’re not being racist,” and tell them to either shut the fuck up or leave.

Here’s the thing. The advice that virtually every single adult I have ever talked to, and DEFINITELY every single Internet Polytheist Leader Person, gives me for these situations -the situation of dealing with a would-be bully, either on the school playground or on the internet, is to “just ignore them and they’ll go away”. Online, this is usually phrased as, “Don’t feed the trolls”. THIS IS AMONG THE WORST ADVICE I HAVE EVER RECEIVED by the metric of “what actually makes the situation, for me and my friends who are getting bullied, any better”. What this advice does in real life, is allow the bully to realize they have found the thing that every bully is always looking for: an easy target. When you “ignore” bullies in the hopes that they get bored and go away, all you are doing long-term is teaching the bully that there are no consequences for their actions. I didn’t listen to this advice in the first fucking grade; I didn’t listen to it when people told me that’s how I should deal with Solo and their fanclub harassing, threatening, blackmailing, cyberstalking and ultimately doxing me “because I annoyed them”; and I am not going to listen to it now, because that advice does not work and is not meant to help me not get bullied; it is meant to help the authority figure in charge of the situation not have to deal with it personally because, in the words of a serial rapist who was believed over all of his victims for years because he was just such a Nice Guy who everyone loved so fuckin’ much they refused to believe he was capable of rape: “The parent doesn’t want justice, the parent wants quiet.” The reasons and the opinions of the people who give me the advice I know is bad and doesn’t work are irrelevant to me, because at the end of the day,if no one else is willing to, i have to defend myself and my community from the people who would tear us apart in the name of having their right to be racist pricks “respected”.

So, no, I will not be silently accepting whatever abuse you choose to pour into the kemetic tag or into my inbox in the name of “being the bigger person”. I also will not be going and finding any of the people choosing to send me this abuse, and let them set the terms of engagement and tone of the conversation, and take them seriously as they tell me all of this fucking racist nonsense that they delusionally believe is a bunch of Rational Fair Good Points About Politics and Kemeticism. And, once again to make sure it sinks in, I tell all of you, sincerely: I do not and will not EVER give enough of a fuck about “respecting” your whiny anonymous opinions, to stop saying what I’m saying. I respect you enough not to attempt to proselytize or “sell you” on my religious beliefs, but I do not “respect” you enough (or rather, in the way that you wish I “respected” you) to keep my story, as I have experienced it, a secret to protect your feelings and egos. 

If I blocked you, you’re staying blocked. If you’re anonymous, your opinion doesn’t matter because you will not stand by it. Put up or shut up.

[drowningcomicart]

time to wrestle with the pigs i guess, because this has got to end right the fuck now

content warnings for this post include pedophilia mentions, abuse mentions, suicide/suicide baiting, and csa mentions, and to everyone not involved hi, this has been my life for almost a year, it’s a lot of bullshit so tread with caution i guess. (and no i’m not putting it under a read more because this is important.)

with that out of the way, i want to make it very explicitly clear that i’m not writing this post as an apology, nor am i going to ‘justify’ myself because there’s nothing to fucking justify. but i’m addressing it because we’ve officially hit november, and that means that for nine fucking months, i have heard every disingenuous opinion on this mess there is to hear, whether i wanted it or not. and i am tired, and i am done, but y’all wanna keep beating this horse, so here i am.

for those who are unaware, in february of this year someone in the fantroll circle--or at least the one i’m part of--was being unjustly harassed by some dumbass teenagers with a chip on their shoulders and nothing better to do. and because no one else was saying or doing anything, i made a post calling out the stupidity of bothering someone over an art style and if they were blown, they should just block and move on. i never mentioned the harasser’s usernames, not even in the tags. but i guess the ringleader’s guilty conscience took over, because they came crytyping at me in a dm to take the post down and how it wasn’t faaaaiiirrr. and when i gave no sympathy, saying i had not mentioned them by name and if they felt guilty, maybe they shouldn’t be a vicious asshole to people, magically they weren’t sad and anxious about how people would treat them (ha) anymore; they got mad. mad enough that they started a smear campaign against me under the guise of Protecting The Community and horribly twisting one of my characters into something he’s not so they could call me a pedophile.

he is a csa survivor. he has bad coping mechanisms for that trauma, and yes, it is dark. it is uhealthy and sad and tragic and awful. but it is still part of his story, and i am not going to shy away from telling it. and since that entire blog always had nsfw tagged, and unless tumblr was fucking around should not have been accessible to anyone under 18 in the first place, the abusive little shits who made it their personal goal to drive me out of the community, off of tumblr, and apparently hopefully into killing myself, should not have been able to see that content at all. unless they chose to, and again as mentioned above, it was definitely a choice. a choice born of spite and violence, because it was ONLY to have “dirt” on me when i called them on their shit behavior. because, i cannot stress this enough, it was never ever about pedophilia. it was about a power struggle. a made up stupid power struggle they felt the need to ‘win’ at any and all costs, including making a wildly serious accusation with no substance, altering screenshots to serve their purpose, and taking everything out of context to suit their narrative. and this is how it is for literally every single anti-based argument out there.

now we all know how i feel about the purity crusade happening on this dumpsterfire of a website, but in case you don’t THERE IS NO CASE WHATSOEVER IN WHICH DARKFIC IS THE SAME THING AS REAL LIFE CRIMES. if you disagree with that, please block me. please. literally right now. block me. block me and go away and i only pray you learn to separate fiction from reality and don’t turn into what these demons are. because i don’t care how much you disagree with someone, i don’t care how much you don’t like them, i do not care about any of it. your presence in those spaces is your choice. because despite what antis will have you believe, people writing and drawing this stuff always--and i will say always knowing you’re smart enough to not give me The One Exception as your airtight strawman to render every other argument invalid--tag it, keep it in adult-only spaces, and are responsible enough to know what ‘i understand and wish to continue’ buttons mean.

and so, knowing that fiction does not equal reality, and that the spaces these fictions are written in are inherently designed to make it so only people who say yes i wanna see it can access it, or hell even knowing basic fucking human decency, there is NO reason to suicide bait someone. ever. period. do not tell people to die you actual fucking monsters. people HAVE killed themselves. and if you’re okay with that, if you are really seriously willing to say someone deserved to die over fiction, block me. i don’t want to see anything from you until you find your humanity again. and yet here i am, again 9 months after the fact, and people are STILL messaging me about it. even my would be supporters, the ones who claim they’re only concerned for my reputation or whatever, are being disingenuous and victim blaming. all i have heard is “you should prove your innocence cos you’re making people uncomfortable otherwise”. it belies their stance on these things; that they secretly agree it’s ok to harass content creators so long as they can pretend to themselves it’s justified in some small way. that if someone doesn’t want to give their abusers--and internet harassment IS abuse do not @ me on this one--a platform, it’s the same as admitting they’re correct, no matter how absurd the lie. Yet they do nothing to show support for people being harassed because they’re too concerned with living in their comfortable bubble to make even the smallest effort to oust abusive jackasses from their own community, and then go on to bellyache that the fandom “isn’t what it used to be” and wonder “where everyone went”.

with any luck, they’re like me and they “went” to doctors and got medicated for the depression and anxiety this sort of shit exacerbates, and blocked all involved for their own sanity and because they don’t owe anyone shit. but more likely, from what i’ve seen? they’re dead. and if that makes you sick, if that makes you uncomfortable, it fucking should. people are fucking dead because of fictional characters, from a source that in and of itself deals with very upsetting and adult themes using child protagonists. regardless if they’re survivors of abuse themselves, or just like to explore anxieties and fears in the very VERY safe environment of fiction, where there are no real life consequences, it doesn’t matter. there’s no such thing as people who are “allowed” to write these subjects and people who are not. no one needs to put their life and vulnerabilities on the table for complete strangers to judge and deem worthy or unworthy of basic decency. to say otherwise is despicably transparent in their motives to exploit already vulnerable people for their personal entertainment or self gratification, and yet people fall for it every goddamned time.

i’m not going to make an argument that i’m not a pedophile because i shouldn’t have to. y’all should be able to use your fucking brains well enough to know that someone drawing fictional scenarios is not the same as a real adult abusing real children with very real world consequences. if it is personally upsetting to you, or makes you feel uncomfortable, or even triggers ptsd please for the love of god leave the blog.  why would you put yourself through that? why would you, if you are so against it, actively seek it out and harass people who make it? i would never call people outright liars about what does and does not trigger them. but it seems to me the only people who would behave in this way are either not as bothered as they have convinced themselves and everyone else they are, or they have some seriously bad coping mechanisms for their own trauma that are in no way the fault of the authors and artists at the receiving end of their vitriol. but as someone who was horribly abused, emotionally and psychologically, for the majority of my life, i know an abusive power trip when i see one.

if y’all have been supporting these people without thinking about it, i don’t want your apologies and shame, and likely no one else you’ve let get trampled with no help does either. but you have to do better. WE have to do better. even something as small as blocking people you know to be abusive jerks in the community can make a world of difference because they can’t have power if you don’t let them have a platform.

and as for the people in the community who started this mess, cos i know you still look up my posts in the tags--i’m not afraid of you. i’m not fucking going anywhere. i am here to enjoy my characters, enjoy my writing, enjoy making art and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. you are not going to silence me because you got mad that i called you out for being an abusive asshole. and anyone who listens to your bullshit deserves better than to be manipulated and frightened of you. fucking grow up and get some help, because lying about wanting to protect people by causing active harm to others is more morally bankrupt than any darkfic could ever be.

[whitelinesandversace]

This is gonna be a long post

TRIGGER WARNING: Addiction & descriptions of substance abuse

I’m not sure if there’s anyone left who follows me that cares about this, but I feel like it has to be said anyways. This blog was in it’s prime when I was 16-17. I was using certain substances like weed and adderall, but overall I was naive & ignorant about addiction. The rush that I felt from getting high served as an inspiration for me & led to the “white lines” portion of my name. Operating under this name for years has led to it becoming a major part of my identity, and not something I think I could easily separate myself from.

When I turned 19 this casual drug use grew into something much darker. Coke became my vice, and not long after that I began heavily abusing methamphetamine. Stimulant use became a daily thing for me. I never started to make steps towards recovery until 2 years later. The physical effects I had in that short amount of time were disastrous. My skin and hair quality went to shit. My teeth were damaged from grinding them so much & dry mouth led to a couple cases of thrush. The inside of my nose is covered in craters where I’ve burnt off cartilage. By the time I made the decision to get sober I had been having chest pain constantly for nearly a whole month. I remember going to the doctor for an appointment once & them being absolutely terrified by how fast my heart rate was. If I didn’t get clean then I very literally would have ended up dying from my addiction.

I still deal with the mental effects from it. It’s hard to feel passionate about anything, happiness doesn’t quite feel like it used to. I used to be an honors student & now I’ve seen my grades slip as I struggle with retaining information and having logical thought processes.

When I chose this name I had a very childish perception of substance use. More than anything, I saw it as an aesthetic. I’d like to say that as of now I 100% am not supportive of drug culture. I don’t support the idea that getting high is beautiful. I don’t support addiction being used as an aesthetic. I don’t want people to look at me & think glorifying substance abuse is ok. When I began to make music I chose to distance myself and abbreviate the name to “Wlav” instead. When asked about what it means I’ve told people that it stood for “White Lies & Vanity” among a number of other possible abbreviations. I’ve considered changing my URL, but separating myself from the original name completely is honestly dissociating for me. I hate being named after the thing that ruined my life, but it’s my brand & my identity. Rather than erasing the name completely I’ve chosen to change my tone regarding it. My music went from being about parties & getting lit to recovering & getting sober. The things I shared on here shifted & no longer used addiction as a pretty prop.

Essentially what I’m saying is while I’m not sure if I’ll ever go by a different name, please understand I’m not glorifying substance abuse. I don’t think it’s cool to get high. Addiction isn’t pretty, and I was wrong for ever portraying it that way. I was wrong for sharing posts that made it seem like using was casual and had no consequences. I’m sorry for that. I’m especially sorry to anyone that felt encouraged by my attitude towards substance use. I want anyone who is a fan of my music or still follows me on social media to understand that recovery, making treatment more accessible to everyone, & creating a world where stigma doesn’t humiliate addicts anymore is the message I’m trying to spread.

Most of all, if you’re currently struggling I’m always here to talk. Please inbox me & I’ll do my absolute best to help you. I’m not a licensed professional but sometimes just talking to someone who can relate can get you through the day. I’m not perfect or completely clean yet so please don’t feel embarrassed talking to me about it. I support you & want to do anything I can to move you along the path of recovery.

And if you’re not an addict, let this encourage you to reach out to someone who is & check on them and let them know they’re loved. Support safe disposal sites & places monitored by health professionals where addicts can use without risk. Support drug decriminalization laws so people no longer have their lives ruined over it. Donate to one of the many organizations that aim to provide treatment for patients with low-income backgrounds. Tell everyone you know that addiction is a disease, not a choice, and be ready to inform them with good medical sources. There is so much that has to change in order to create a healthy environment for addicts where they can actually get properly treated. Whatever you can do, please do it.

-Wlav

[drachenfalter]

I posted 683 times in 2022

That's 251 more posts than 2021!

336 posts created (49%)

347 posts reblogged (51%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sepublic

@drachenfalter

@langernameohnebedeutung

@zkbigbang

@bunjywunjy

I tagged 668 of my posts in 2022

Only 2% of my posts had no tags

#the owl house - 526 posts

#toh spoilers - 364 posts

#the owl house spoilers - 175 posts

#toh speculation - 134 posts

#toh meta - 120 posts

#toh hunter - 77 posts

#emperor belos - 67 posts

#gus porter - 48 posts

#any sport in a storm - 44 posts

#willow park - 41 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#i wanted to do something more complicated but didn't think i'd get it done in time for the next episode so i tried something simpler

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I've seen a lot of people saying "King's blood could be used to build a portal".

And while that is probably true, how about a less gruesome option.

What if King could learn to harness his magic to create portals and travel the multiverse?

1,393 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

#4

Why Graye uses "Actors"

There is a strategy to Graye using actors behind his illusions that aren't himself.

By using other witches, he keeps himself out of the line of fire and can focus on keeping up the illusions.

He could create Illusions without someone behind it, but those Illusions would be unable to interact with the environment

-> He puts in witch actors, that can talk and cast magic and interact with his audience in a way a pure Illusion couldn't.

And I find this interesting because it is so similar to what Gus did at the Graveyard, putting the Illusion on himself so he could grab Bria's leg and convince her she was actually in danger.

But Gus put himself in danger as well. If Bria had attacked the statue, she would have hit him. Graye keeps himself safe, putting others into the line of fire instead.

1,544 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

#3

Flapjack and Evelyn

Okay, since some people still seem confused about this, here is how the episode spells out why Belos said "Goodbye, Evelyn" when crushing Flapjack:

Setup: "CALEB!"

"Caleb!?"

See the full post

2,164 notes - Posted October 19, 2022

#2

One thing I love about how Hunter's story is written is that his (possible) redemption/rehabilitation/whatever you want to call him breaking away from Belos doesn't rest on the shoulders of one single person.

Yes, Willow's actions were important. She might even be the most important person in this. But it wasn't just Willow.

It was also Luz, who like Hunter was born without magic, who was the first to reach out a hand.

It was also Flapjack, who heard Hunter's wish to chose his own path, and decided to become Hunters palisman.

It was also Amity, who like Hunter has to deal with abusive parents, who told Hunter that there are better people out there, people that won't make him feel like he always has to prove himself.

It was also the Flyer Derby team, Gus, Viney and Skara, who accepted him as a friend and showed him what it means to be a normal teenager.

It was also Steve, a coven scout who went through the same training as Hunter, but is old enough to tell Hunter that no, that was not okay, that was messed up.

It was also Darius, who supported Hunter standing up for his friends and gave Hunter a way to stay in contact with those new friends.

And yes, it was Willow, who pulled Hunter into her friend group when he had nobody. Who gave him a second and third chance, but also didn't compromise her own values to do so, standing up for her friends as well. And in turn, showed him what a healthy friendship looks like.

And ultimately, it was Hunter himself, who started to regret. Who followed Darius to undo what he had caused and who was willing to take the fall to protect his new friends from the consequences of his actions.

It took the help of a lot of people to give Hunter a chance to escape from Belos.

We can only hope it was enough.

3,122 notes - Posted April 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The life saving jacket

So, the scene of Hunter getting swallowed by the ground and Luz trying to pull him out with her jacket is generally interpreted as Luz trying and failing to save him.

Except Luz didn't actually fail. It just looked like that to her and Belos in that moment. And the writers did some very clever setup here.

The next time we see Hunter, he is using glyph magic to stop Belos and protect Luz. Glyphs he wouldn't have had if Luz had not thrown him her jacket. Glyphs that were probably the reason Hunter could escape from wherever Belos sent him in the first place.

Which means that even though Luz could not pull him to safety at first, she still left him with what he needed to save himself.

6,626 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[submissivebarbieblog]

Lust Filled Solution

The equation is your upbringing. The solution is how you live your life. Were overloaded, were given massive amounts of useless information and because of this we don’t see the equation and without the equation there is no solution.

She’s now on her knee’s, her stepfather has nearly broken her jaw with his anger. The hit came out of anger, it was a impulse from the person of authority. She wipes her jaw in a attempt of soothing herself and now her palm is stained with her own blood. Do you see the equation? The equation is the outside anger and how she deals with the incident is the solution. It all starts here with her choice. She can cower, she can stand back up or she can return the anger. This is why humanity is so amazing. The solution varies from each person, the solution is effected on how many time’s this has happened prior and the solutions we chose leads up to the solution for this current equation. In the coming days she would go on a road trip with her mother. On the way back she chooses her solution. She does not want to be in that environment, she wants to be happy and the chose is stand up and she now lives with her father.

It’s my belief that the biggest hypnosis of society is religion. Were taught our life is at the hands of an invisible force. That the solution does not matter as the mastermind controls our fate. Our rights are stripped away, forced into decision’s based on the outcomes don’t matter. That our end is already written. This is bullshit, we may not choose the equation but the solution is ours. There is no escape goat, there are no miracles. It’s our fault, our humanity, our solution. We need to account for our behavior and stop blaming others.

As I sit here thinking of all the equations of my life, why I chose certain outcomes. It became apparent i only chose some decision’s based on fear. Fear instilled by the solution of a fucked up society. Born with a cock and now she’s a male, no I'm female and that’s my solution I'm following my heart. I’m no longer going to be your victim. You can’t say that it’s not appropriate, no that’s your solution I choose to let my word’s speak for themselves. Get aroused because she’s got nice tits, his package is nice as you wonder from the curve how big there cock is. They want you to feel wrong, it’s not socially correct, it’s not religious. I Refute your solution and would rather act on human nature. Show me those tits, can I suck on your cock and pleasure you? Then it’s up to them and whatever solution they choose least I was true to myself.

I’m not sure your understanding. I Will tell you though I have some of the most awesome family member’s I could ever have. Each of there opinions help me stand here, write this. They saw the truth of me before I did. They never wanted a fucking thing but set me free. I Don’t owe a invisible entity I owe them, there my hero’s and like a puzzle i put the pieces of me back together. The latest friend put a gun to my head and without consequence her solution was pull the trigger. I Needed that, I needed to feel the blood coming down my face. It was a wake up call. The evidence laid before you is truth enough. I choose to live my life. With that last sentence alone, this is the most important blog post i ever wrote. I choose my life, my desire’s, my opinions, my family. I Choose me