#what's the point if everyone needs pills to even feel okay it's like if the whole world was on life control just for the sake of carrying on

[intromortal]

LIQUID SWEETENER

jake takes care of his sick girlfriend, but with an unexpected twist.

PAIRING jake x f!reader

CONTENT smut. mdni. established relationship, reader has a fever, she's very annoying tbh but it's bc she's ME! it's okay tho bc jake is equally as bad. spitting medicine in someone's mouth... is this sanitary? absolutely not but i also can't bring myself to care

WORD COUNT 3.8k

a.n happiest birthday to my love !!!! nia era where she doesn't let everything she writes rot in her google docs bc she's not happy enough with it??? gasp. maybe. thank you to my lovely @ak4e7a for being so patient with me and reading what i write before anyone else so i don't look stupid i love you mama

WARNINGS fingering, spit, biting, implied oral f!rec, cum eating

Jake’s pout got somehow more pronounced than what it already was when you, once again, refused to just take your medicine. He’d been trying to get you to swallow at least a tiny dose of the sweet fever syrup for the best part of an hour, after every attempt to get you to down any kind of pill resulted in you just hiding them somewhere underneath your cozy pajamas, against your burning skin. He even made sure to pick out a syrup that wouldn’t taste straight up radioactive, knowing you well enough to predict you’d make a big fuss about the nasty taste. Yeah, he could picture it right then in his head, how you’d gag dramatically at the smell and just beg him to go get the tablets again.

For how much you hated being sick, you seemed to dislike the idea of getting better quickly even more.

“You would feel so much better if you just took your medicine,” he sighed, resting the cap filled to the brim with sticky honey flavored syrup on the crowded comforter, careful not to leave it too close to the edge.

“Not even that sick,” you huffed back, trying to wiggle yourself out of the cocoon of blankets Jake wrapped you in as soon as you fell asleep.

“Yeah?” Jake looked at you with an arched brow, before pointing his head to the little mountain of discarded, snot filled tissues overtaking your comforter, the ones he was in the middle of throwing away. “This right here is breeding ground for bioterrorism allegations.”

He stopped you from getting out of bed, securing the warm fuzzy covers around you again. “No need to leave, just tell me what you need and I’ll get it for you,” he whispered against your lashes, placing a soft kiss to your closed eyelid.

“Just wan’ you.”

“But you have me baby, I’m right here, yeah?” he snickered, plump lips thinning into that gorgeous wide smile of his.

He knew damn well what you meant, a frustrated grumble spilling out of you at the thought. Cheeky bastard, of course he wanted you to say it out loud. The quiet part.

“Want…more,” you cranked one of your eyes open, struggling when a droplet from the wet towel on your forehead Jake promptly changed every fifteen minutes slipped in it. You blinked a few times, adjusting to the light in the room before looking over to Jake, his grin still wide and brightening up his whole face, his head turned to the side as he observed you lovingly, a strand of hair longer than the rest tickling the side of his nose.

If Jake had to be completely honest with himself, he wasn’t particularly sad at you being a little sick.

Sure, it sounded mean to say out loud. But you were not doing so badly or in any kind of pain that would worry him, and he enjoyed doting on you like this, with you having no choice but to just take his love. Can’t blame a man for wanting to take care of his girl, especially when said girl had a streak of refusing to just lay back and let him do the work.

You were always hiding your pain and vulnerability from everyone around you, so he enjoyed knowing he was helping make it at least a little better for once.

You—however—wouldn’t exactly agree that he was making you feel better, definitely not by walking around with damp hair from the shower and intoxicating the air around you with the lingering salty marine and musky notes of the cologne he always sprayed on his fresh change of clothes. A smell you usually related to comfort and home, making your head spin in the best way possible, a whirlwind of anything but pure thoughts crowding your mind.

Jake took notice of the subtle shift in the air around you right away. You had been–subtly at first—laying down little hints for him to pick up, you craved him. Had been craving him for what felt like forever, ever since you got sick. A nagging hunger that just grew further with every hour he silently ignored it. Usually you would busy yourself with random tasks, keeping your thoughts clear of images of his hands, or his plush lips and how he always absentmindedly licked away at them or how—you get the idea. But being sick didn’t help, being physically weak and needing rest didn’t stop your mind from running wild. Made it worse, actually, since you had nothing to do but lay in your bed all day. If only he’d slide right next to you under your covers and—

“I know what you’re thinking,” Jake interrupted your thoughts, a hint of amusement shining through his smooth tone. You looked up to him hopefully, breath caught in your chest fearing the next few words he was about to say. “And you’re still too sick.”

Really not being dramatic, but you thought you felt a boulder crush you right on your chest. You groaned, turning to the other side so you could sulk properly without having to look at Jake’s stupidly handsome face. A face you would love to ride as soon as possible.

“No like, you actually hate me,” your voice was muffled by the pillow you were squishing your face against.

“What are you even doing.”

“Trying to suffocate myself since my man hates me,” you explained, grabbing the sides of the pillow and pushing them to cover your ears, making Jake erupt in a fit of boyish giggles.

“No I don’t, just want you to feel better first,” he barely whispered, the loving tone making your body feel light.

You suddenly pushed yourself up with your arms to look at him, nest of hair a mess from the speed of your movement, “I would feel sooo much better with your fingers deep inside me right now.”

He looked at you for a moment, really looked at you, assessing what to do in this situation. He too missed your touch, far more than what he was letting on. Even just sleeping next to you—a pillow fortress separating you two by your request—had turned out to be too much for him on multiple occasions, finding himself silently sneaking out of bed to go and take care of his sudden little problems in the bathroom.

As if sensing his resolve wavering, you added, “don’t I deserve a little reward?”

“A reward… for what?” Jake was thoroughly amused by your desperation. You rarely ever got like this, and he was enjoying every second of it, maybe even pushing it a little farther than what he usually would, ending up punishing himself a little along the way too. But he didn’t care, not when he didn’t know when the next time he’d get to this would be.

“Well of course! For having fought this fever tooth and nail and having come out of it alive.”

“You still have a fever though,” he deadpanned. “Could kick your ass right down at any given moment.”

“That.” you glared at him with all the fake anger you could muster up. “Is such a mean thing to even suggest.”

“Don’t you care about me getting sick? Made a scene all week and now you’re okay with me touching you?”

“First of all—I only made you keep the pillows between us the first two days. And like I told you, I feel better, so if—” the words died in your throat as you felt the bed dip underneath the weight of Jake’s knee. You looked up to him as he slowly got inside the covers, right next to you. His presence felt different, the soft look in his eyes overtaken by something more primal, and you couldn't help but feel like prey under his watchful gaze. It felt intimidating in a way you weren’t used to. It made you squeeze your legs together in search of any friction, your already feverish skin somehow feeling even hotter.

“Maybe you’re right,” Jake whispered against your cheek, his nose rubbing for a moment on your skin as he snuck an arm underneath your body, pulling you flush to his side. Even just that single touch sends an electrifying shiver down your spine. “Since you’re fully capable of talking my ear off…”

You reached for his hand wrapped comfortably around your waist and guided it down to cup your heat through your thin shorts, your own hand resting on top of his as you ground your pussy against it.

You took notice of how his breath hitched in his throat, his carefully crafted mask of calmness slipping as you used his hand, the illusion wearing off even more when he tried to hide it with a gulp, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. You knew he wanted it just as bad as you did, you were just willing to beg for it as long as it got you what you wanted. “I’ll—” you audibly gasped when he flexed his fingers just that tiny little bit you needed to be able to feel them press against your fluttering hole. “I’ll do anything, just please make me cum.”

“Anything?” he teased you, voice light and airy as he moved the fabric of the shorts out of his way. A deep chuckle tickled your neck, Jake’s mouth having dipped down do leave open mouthed kisses on the sensitive skin.

“Anything, just… please,” you whined, flexing your neck to allow him more space, his tongue dipping to lick a stripe down to the juncture of your neck.

If you hadn't been so deprived of Jake’s touch up until then, you would have found the way you were grinding up against his hand and moaning in his ear almost embarrassing. But you were desperate, so you couldn't bring yourself to care about how pathetic you probably looked.

Jake though, oh he enjoyed it thoroughly. His cock was stiff in his sweats, almost painfully so, from feeling how wet you were through your shorts. Dripping already and he had barely touched you. You were just so fucking hot.

“You’ll take your medicine then?” He moved his hand from your mound to grip your thigh, ignoring your weak one clawing at his arm in an attempt to get the little taste of pleasure he was giving you back. He kissed his teeth, his eyebrows furrowed in faux disapproval. “Use your words. What will you do?”

“Take my medicine,” you whimpered, looking into your boyfriend's eyes despite the tears aligning your waterline, and finding amusement swimming through his gaze. Little cheeky shit. Not that you were about to complain or anything.

“Theeeere we go,” Jake sang in your ear, placing a soft kiss behind it before dipping down once again and resuming his sweet torture. “You can be good once in a while.”

You nodded, lips thinning to keep quiet as if any wrong sound would make him change his mind and leave you hanging. The hand that was drawing circles on your thigh came up to hold your chin, carefully tilting it away from Jake’s mouth as he sucked on a particularly sensitive spot on your skin. He smoothed over your lips with his thumb, coaxing them to part once again.

“Let me hear how good you feel, baby,” he mumbled, mouth still latched on your neck, before taking a strong whiff off your neck. Had you not been so distracted by the wetness seeping out of your clenching hole onto your panties, you would've noticed how his eyes rolled all the way back in his skull at your smell.

His free hand finally slid under your shorts, a gasp leaving you because of how cold he felt. Jake was always warmer than you, but your fever made it so his touch felt icy against your skin. Your back arched slightly when one of his digits parted your sopping folds, your sensitivity heightened by the unusual difference of temperature.

“Poor little thing, she’s got a fever too,” he giggled into your neck, another digit joining in as he slowly dragged them from your clit to your hole to coat them in your juices. “But it’s okay, I’ll help her feel better.”

Usually you would’ve groaned at his stupid little jokes and pushed his face away. But this time, blame his voice being deeper and hoarser than normal or blame your fever, it got you clenching around nothing, cunt feeling emptier than ever while he took his sweet time playing with you.

Your head dug deeper into the pillow, hips lifting from the bed to follow Jake’s torturous movements, desperate to feel something more.

“So needy…” he breathed into your neck, going back to placing sloppy open mouthed kisses wherever he could reach.

A yelp left your mouth, eyes you didn't even notice you had closed shooting open when Jake bit down on the junction of your neck and shoulder, just enough to rip you out of the trance you were quickly falling into. He smoothed over the little bite mark with this tongue, a tingly sensation overtaking the pain in a matter of seconds, pleasure overriding anything else.

Jake finally prodded two of his digits into your hole, testing the waters, still careful not to push you too hard so soon. But your reaction was instantaneous, pussy hole fluttering against his fingertips right away, he just had to bite down on his bottom lip to keep most of his noises in. “God… I fucking love it when you act like a little slut.”

Jake was so fucking turned on, he could barely think about anything but your pussy. The only thought in his mind was get her off, make her feel good, get a taste of her sweet cunt, sweet pretty and oh so delicious cunt… like a broken record. He felt like he was born for this and this only, as if his mission in life was just that of pleasing you. And to think he had deprived himself of such bliss for even a few days… Something in you seemed different to him, almost animalistic, the way you rutted your hips against his hand as soon as he started scissoring his fingers inside you, the way you weren't even trying to hold in your moans like you usually would, mouth hanging open with a string of drool attached to your lips. And this was just from his fingers.

You yourself weren't doing any better, your brain basically turned to mush as you helped Jake get you off by essentially riding his fingers, despite how weak you felt from the fever. His fingers were so long, hitting all the right spots you knew you could never be able to reach by yourself, and his thick knuckles dragged against your walls so deliciously.

“S-so good,” you gasped when he turned his fingers just the right way, hitting the spot he knew had you coming undone in just a few strokes.

The room was filled with the slapping sounds of his palm against your drenched cunt, more and more slick dripping down your thighs and onto the bed with every flick of his wrist, making it all that much more obscene and filthy. You could feel the familiar pressure building up in your tummy, and suddenly the overwhelming need to just grab onto something crashed on you, heavy and almost painful. You clawed at his shirt, eyebrows furrowed in deep pleasure, unaware of the fact that Jake was not facing you anymore.

He looked over his shoulder to the comforter, the cap filled with syrup still there amidst the mess. He twisted his body to grab it, careful not to slow down the relentless pace he was fingerfucking your cunt at. A few drops of the liquid spilled onto his shirt as he took a sip of it, a grimace overtaking his features as he tried his best to hold it in his mouth. You were still a moaning mess by his side, tiny brain turned to putty so much so you didn't even register anything else happening around you, so hyper focused on the pleasure your boyfriend was providing you.

“J-jake, I’m so close.”

Perfect timing.

Jake grabbed your jaw to turn your head towards his, applying the pressure he always did to signal it was time to part your pretty lips and take his spit, like the good well behaved girl he knew you to be. And you did just that; immediately following his movements like he had trained you to, tongue sticking out too for good measure. He bent down slightly to aim better. But this time, instead of the slightly bitter taste of his saliva you expected, he let small amounts of medicine fall on your tongue.

You uselessly tried to back away from him, but he held you in place, fingers still working inside your cunt. Nor did he allow you to close your mouth despite your surprised gasp. His hand held your jaw open, grasp getting firmer everytime you tried to break free of it. After all, you made a promise, and he was going to make sure you fulfilled it.

“You weren't going to take it, huh?” Jake mouthed against your lips once he had made sure you swallowed every last drop of the thick honeyed syrup, holding eye contact with you through it all, fingers never once slowing down their pace. “Little dumb pet thinks she can outsmart me.”

He smashed his mouth on yours, not so much a kiss as a silencing of any complaint you were about to spit it at him. Those turned to even more whines when he finally brought his thumb to your clit, drawing harsh circles on it as he fucked you to your orgasm. It was almost instantaneous, but you just couldn't have helped it even if you tried; you were so close already, his stiff cock rubbing against your thigh and his pants hot in your mouth but his thumb so cold against your neglected clit

“That’s it baby, so good for me yeah.” Jake’s fingers gradually slowed down inside you, making sure you got every last bit of pleasure you could possibly experience from this high. He too was relishing in how your cunt pulsed against his digits, making it harder to move them inside you. Oh he wished it were his cock being constricted like that instead. But that could wait.

You finally felt like you could breathe again, chest heaving to catch in as much air as you could, forehead all sweaty from the exertion.

The sheets were drenched around you, and you couldn't even pinpoint when it had happened, but you could immediately tell you weren't the only one who had made a mess. Your gaze wandered to Jake’s pants, a very evident stain on his crotch catching your attention. And fuck, if you weren't ready to do it all over again.

Jake looked absolutely divine; hair disheveled and soaked from the sweat, boxers and sweatpants full of cum. A waste truly.

You snuck your hand in his pants, ignoring the loud hiss from overstimulation Jake let out when you wrapped your hand around his cock and pumped a few times, your thumb swiping on his exposed head to collect some of the cum covering it.

Jake watched you, mouth ajar and cock stiffening again right away, as you licked your fingers clean. He slid his own fingers out of your cunt, lapping at them like a man starved, hoping to work you up as much as you just did to him. His heart raced in his chest as you kept looking at him, a little smile playing on your lips.

“That was so…” you spoke up, giggling when Jake interrupted you by throwing himself over your figure, capturing your lips in an actual kiss this time. A very messy, very wet kiss. Allowing you to savor your own taste mixed with his and sweetened by the medicine.

“I think the word you’re looking for is hot.”

“Dramatic,” you interjected. “So, so dramatic.”

Jake curled an eyebrow at you. “You were the one acting like it’d kill you to swallow some syrup. And actually, let’s not forget–” He placed a quick kiss on your nose before pushing you against the mattress further, his entire weight on you. “Ohhh no Jake! Please my Jakey! If I don’t get your cock right now I will DIE!”

“Well I still hav–”

“And won’t.” he deadpanned, sensing where you were trying to stir the conversation. “But I’ve got a few ideas.”

You smiled to yourself, feeling featherlight kisses making their way down your body, with his messy hair tickling your skin every so often. He placed a soft kiss on your mound, whining dramatically when you grabbed a few strands of his hair to stop him. He rested his head on your thigh, puppy-like eyes looking up at you, almost pleading for permission to continue what he started.

“I really don’t want you to get sick,” you said, voice coming out in a whisper full of care, your fingertips playing with his hair and enjoying the way he nuzzled his head further against your skin.

“Well if I were to get sick by touching you… I’d say the deal is sealed by now, no?” He placed another kiss on your thigh, teeth slightly grazing the plush skin when you took too long to contemplate whether to give in or not. “Actually, I think some of this syrup would heal me right now.”

“Jake. I’m being serious.”

“What could I possibly even catch from eating you out that I haven't already by exchanging spit with you? Best pussy in the world disease?” He laughed at his own joke, gaining a roll of the eyes from you. “Let me tell you, the chances of that happening are close to zero anyway. I don’t have a pussy but I am the proud owner of a very fat co–”

“You are downright insufferable.”

“Okay so shut me up with a mouthful of this pu–”

The rest of the sentence was muffled against your mound as you pushed his head down, deciding you heard enough for the day. And the week.

“Okay, okay. Go on,” you giggled as you laid back once again, a deep sigh following as soon as his expert tongue made contact with your cunt.

[rapidhighway]

not to be the mood swing king rn but god I feel like absolute shit

[punkshort]

i know who you are | 8. the return

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: You help Joel recover from his injuries and you finally confront your feelings for him.

Chapter Warnings: language, angst, mutual pining, sad!Joel, amnesia, slow burn, descriptions of wounds/injuries, some smutty situations but nothing very explicit, dare I say fluff?

WC: 8.2K

Series Masterlist

"Joel, wake up."

He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut even tighter.

"C'mon. You gotta get up."

"Five more minutes," he mumbled.

"Joel," you tried again, your voice sounding so far away. Why did you sound so far away? "Joel, please wake up. I need you."

You needed him. Okay. For you, he would wake up.

His eyelids fluttered.

"Joel?"

Your voice didn't sound so far away now.

"Joel? Can you hear me?"

Fuck, his head hurt. His side hurt. Everything fucking hurt.

Then he remembered.

He forced his eyes open, blinking rapidly as his pupils adjusted to the bright light until he focused on you. You.

You were so pretty. So, so pretty, standing next to his bed with that little worried crease between your eyebrows, leaning over him. You didn't need to be so worried. Don't be worried.

Your eyes brightened when he saw you and he slowly began to recognize where he was.

He was back in Jackson. At the infirmary, in a bed.

You jumped up, calling over your shoulder for Nick and Tommy before turning back to him and grasping his hand.

"Are you in pain?"

He didn't answer. He just stared at you, dumbfounded, his brain struggling to catch up. He squeezed your hand and you gave him a shaky smile.

Tommy and Nick barged into the room and you dropped his hand. Nick began to take his vitals while Tommy tried to stay out of the way, but Joel's focus remained on you. He watched as you drifted around the room on autopilot, handing Nick instruments and supplies from a table, then disappearing out into the hall when he asked you to get some medicine he had no idea how to pronounce.

"What's your pain like, Joel?" Nick asked, reading the blood pressure cuff.

He opened his mouth to answer but immediately started coughing. Tommy twisted around to grab the water bottle next to the sink and Nick lifted it to his lips. "Slow," he reminded him, so Joel sipped slowly then sat back with a sigh.

He was so tired.

"Your pain?"

Joel took a deep breath and winced.

"Ain't great," he croaked, voice all gravelly. You came back into the room and handed Nick the medicine, giving Joel a reassuring smile. God, he missed you so much.

He heard Nick ask you to fill a syringe for him and Joel watched you work, your hands steady and your breath even as you concentrated on getting the dosage exactly right.

"Joel? Did you hear me?"

"Huh?" he asked in a daze, dragging his eyes to his brother.

"I said, what the hell happened out there?" Tommy was pressed up against the wall, making himself as small as possible while you and Nick worked.

"Ran into some raiders- fuck!" he exclaimed when the needle entered his skin.

"Sorry," Nick murmured before pulling it out.

"Where?" Tommy asked, and Joel shook his head.

"Not 'round here. Out in California."

Everyone in the room paused to look at him.

"You got this fucked up out in Cali and you made it back?" Tommy asked in disbelief, and Joel slowly nodded his head. "Fuckin'... how?"

Joel's eyes found yours again, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a half smile.

"Had a guardian angel," he said, his eyelids beginning to droop.

"The hell does that mean?" Tommy asked. Joel pointed to his pack on the floor.

"Side pocket."

Nick lifted the blanket covering Joel's bare torso so he could inspect his wounds, which had been freshly cleaned and patched up in his sleep. Then he heard the telltale sound of pills rattling in a plastic bottle.

"You found meds out there?" his brother asked, rolling the bottle around in his palm before handing it over to Nick.

"Mhm," was all he said, then watched as you looked over Nick's shoulder to read the label. Your eyes went wide with surprise then looked up at him.

Your lips parted like you wanted to say something, then your gaze darted to the other two men in the room and you decided against it.

"This probably saved you from getting sepsis," Nick said before placing the bottle on the small table next to his bed. "I'm gonna need to keep you here for a bit," and as Joel began to protest, Nick held up his hand. "Just for a bit, I said. Til you get your strength up and I feel confident you don't got any infection or serious internal damage. Then you can go home and recover."

You could see the turmoil in Joel's face. He wanted to go home, he wanted to be in the comfort of his own bed after a week of putting himself through hell.

"I'll stay here overnight, keep an eye on him and come get you if anything seems off," you said, and all three men paused to look at you in surprise. You shrugged and cleared your throat. "Unless you don't-"

"No," Joel said, cutting you off. His throat felt so tight all of the sudden. "Please stay."

Nick and Tommy exchanged glances before shifting around the room, gathering used instruments and picking up Joel's discarded, bloody clothes.

"I'll grab the cot for you," Nick said on his way out the door.

"Do you need anythin' from home?" Tommy asked and you quickly shook your head.

"I'll be fine."

Joel wanted to tell you everything, but he could feel himself fading. Another time, he thought as you rolled out the cot on the floor next to his bed. You turned off the light before he drifted off to sleep, finally being able to properly rest now that he was back with you.

It took five whole days until Nick finally agreed to let him go home. You stayed with him every night, only going back home to shower and get fresh clothes once a day. It seemed like he was always surrounded by Tommy or Ellie or Nick and there was never a good time to talk to you. He wanted to tell you why he did what he did, he wanted to give you some comfort. But any time the two of you were alone, it was always too brief or he was asleep.

Unbeknownst to Joel, you were struggling with the same issue. You wanted to get some time alone together so you could talk to him about everything you had a chance to reflect on while he was gone, but you knew it would likely be a long and emotional conversation and you really didn't want to do it at work.

There was so much that needed to be said, but the rare few minutes you had alone together you spent holding his hand or feeding him or gently wiping the sweat off his forehead and chest with a wet washcloth. You hoped your actions spoke louder than the words you weren't brave enough to say.

Nick helped you restock your first aid kit at home while Tommy got Joel settled back in his bed. You could hear them talking from the hallway, Tommy scolding his brother when he didn't listen to him and he ended up wincing in pain.

"So you're gonna want to make sure he takes this twice a day with food," Nick said, handing you a bottle of orange pills. "For inflammation. Til you run out, then he should be good. And this is only if the pain gets intolerable," he handed you a small baggie of four white pills and narrowed his eyes. "Use them sparingly, we don't have much."

"I know."

"He shouldn't need any more antibiotics but be sure to take his temperature throughout the day and push the fluids. If the numbers get over 102 for more than four hours, come get me right away."

"Okay," you nodded, hoping your sleep deprived brain was absorbing everything.

"Maria agreed to help out at the infirmary for the next couple days, so take as much time as you need. You know I can manage without you," Nick said, and you gave him a feigned look of hurt. "I can manage, I said. Doesn't mean I prefer it," he told you with a roll of his eyes and you had a stifle a laugh. Tommy stepped out of Joel's room and joined you at the top of the stairs.

"All good?"

"I think so," you said, looking back down at the pills Nick gave you.

"You need anythin', you just holler, sugar," Tommy said and you gave him a tired smile in return. The two men walked down the steps and saw themselves out while you filled a glass with water from the sink in the bathroom, bringing it to Joel.

"How are you feeling?" you asked him for what felt like the millionth time in a week.

"Not bad," he said truthfully. You handed him the water and although he wasn't thirsty, he still drank it because it seemed to make you happy and he really liked when you took care of him.

You shifted your weight and glanced around the room awkwardly.

"Do you need anything? Are you hungry? Do you want me to get you a book or something?"

Joel smiled and dropped his gaze to the floor. You were so fucking cute and it was killing him.

"I'm good."

"Good," you nodded, chewing on your bottom lip as you tried to find another reason to stay. When you couldn't think of one, you sighed and hitched your thumb over your shoudler.

"I'll be right next door and I'll leave the doors open. If you need anything or if you're in pain-"

"I know," he said, giving you a soft smile as you tried your best to not stare at his bare chest peeking out from the top of the sheets.

"Okay, then," you said, backing out of the room. "Good night."

You had no idea how long you laid in your bed, staring up at the ceiling while your mind raced and your fingers tapped anxiously against your chest. You couldn't sleep. It must have been hours because the light flicking off in Joel's room felt like ages ago and you hadn't heard any shuffling since.

It's this bed, you thought to yourself. It was the first time in a long time you slept in your own bed and you just couldn't get comfortable.

Or maybe you were too worried about him, even though it seemed like most of his strength was back. The color returned to his cheeks and he was able to stay awake most of the day. Deep down, you knew there wasn't a need to be concerned about him at that point. In all likelihood he was out of the woods. But you still felt the urge to check on him. Just in case.

You slid out of bed and tiptoed quietly out of your room, walking the few feet to Joel's door and leaning against the frame. You tried to observe him from a distance but it was hard to see in the dark, so you crept closer.

He was sound asleep, his hands resting peacefully over his soft stomach, his lips parted ever so slightly as he lightly snored. You bit the inside of your cheek and looked at the other side of the bed. Deciding not to overthink it, you closed the door and silently made your way around the foot of the bed and slipped underneath the covers with a quiet sigh.

Just for a minute, you thought. You had just grown so accustomed to sleeping in his bed, that's all. But before you knew it, his steady breathing and soft pillows lulled you into a deep sleep.

The sun bled through the curtains, inching across the floorboards and slowly made its way up the sheets until it found your face, but you didn't wake. Instead, you buried your face deeper into the warmth underneath you, far too comfortable to bother waking up just yet.

Joel, however, had been awake before the sun even rose.

He had felt your arms wrapped around his waist at some point towards the early morning. He had managed to turn so your head rested against his bare chest while you continued to sleep so peacefully. It was far too tempting. He fucking ached for you for so long and to wake up and find you in his bed caused his heart to flutter wildly in his chest and all his blood to rush directly between his legs.

He had been doing okay. He was content with just holding you, feeling you, pretending things were back to normal, if only for a little while, but when you nuzzled into his chest and tightened your grip around his waist, he couldn't resist burying his nose in your hair and breathing in deep. He missed you so much it fucking hurt. It was torture, fighting the urge to pull you into him every day and crawl into bed with you at night. He knew it would backfire one day, all his pent up emotions. When Angie caught him during a particularly low point at the Tipsy Bison, drunk and sad and missing you so fucking much, it all blew up in his face. Kissing her was a mistake but he was just so goddamn lonely. He didn't realize how much he had come to depend on your touch to soothe him until he no longer had it.

He wouldn't make that mistake ever again.

He thought he ruined everything in one moment of weakness, but here you were, tucked safely into his side, sound asleep in his arms and he didn't even dare question what brought you into his bed because all that mattered was you were there now. And you made that decision yourself. You sought him out. You wanted to be with him.

Testing the waters, he carefully pressed a kiss on the top of your head, and when you didn't react, he did it again. Sliding his eyes closed, he dragged his lips a little lower, kissing your forehead while he savored the feeling of your breath fanning over his neck. Other than your fingertips fluttering slightly against his stomach, you still didn't move, so he kissed your forehead again. You were so warm and you smelled just like him that he quickly felt himself getting lost in his desire. His kisses became faster and more urgent, finally causing your breathing to change and your body to stir. He knew you were waking but he kept his eyes closed, too afraid of seeing apathy in the face that used to be filled with such love for him.

He was just setting himself up for more heartbreak but he couldn't seem to stop.

His lips traveled a little lower, pressing tenderly against your temple, bracing himself for when you would inevitably push him away. Maybe you weren't fully awake yet because you remained perfectly still, so he continued to take and take, his kisses becoming feverish as he brushed over your eyelids. God, he missed this so much. He missed these lazy mornings with you. They were rare, but on days neither of you had any other commitments you would lounge in bed for as long as your stomachs would allow, holding each other close, getting lost under the sheets.

His time was coming to an end now. Your arms loosened around his waist and soon you would realize where you were and who you were with and it would all be over. He breathed deeply, as if he could bottle you for later. Maybe his sheets would trap your scent. He really hoped they would. He could use another good night's sleep and having you at his side had always ensured that, but he could pretend as long as his pillow still smelled like you.

With his lips still roaming over your brow, you stretched your legs and let out a breathy little noise that made his cock twitch and his stomach tense. He kept his eyes screwed shut, hoping you would assume he was half asleep and therefore unaware of his lips dragging across your face. He didn't want to lie to you again but his heart could only handle so much rejection.

He felt your eyes flutter open, your eyelashes tickling his neck and he really should have stopped kissing you at that point, but it felt like he was spiraling out of control. Like his body had enough of constantly being denied what it craved.

You paused for a moment, giving your brain a chance to catch up. Figuring out where you were and why you were there. Any second now, you would pull away. He kept bracing for it, his heart thundering in his chest now that it knew time was running out, that this feeling of bliss was about to end and it was scrambling to hold on to every split second.

Thinking it would be the last chance, he kissed the corner of your eye and then your cheek. There was no way he would be able to pretend he was still asleep now, but he didn't care. He was growing frantic, his need for you overwhelming, even if this was all he could get, it would have to sustain him until he could figure out how to earn back your trust.

His eyes flew open when your lips pressed wetly against his neck. He froze, his mouth hovering over your ear, waiting to see what you would do next.

Then you did it again. Only this time, you sucked on a bit of his skin, leaving the beginnings of a red mark he would cherish for days.

Before you could blink, he rolled over, his body caging you in underneath him as he examined you with wide and hopeful eyes. You gazed up at him, your breath shallow and your lips parted as your eyes roamed over his face, taking in every freckle and every wrinkle up close. His beard was getting grayer in spots you hadn't noticed before, somehow adding to his appeal. His lips looked dry from the cold but his eyes looked bright and clear and the way the sun was beaming in through the window behind him, his messy curls sticking up every which way made it look like he was wearing a halo.

With a shaky hand, you reached up to thread your fingers through his hair. It was so much softer than you expected. His eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into your touch. You watched his throat work as he swallowed nervously and you wanted nothing more in that moment than to taste the skin there again, so you did. Leaning up, your lips suckled at the spot between his jaw and neck, his pulse strong and fast under your tongue. A reminder that he was alive and healthy and finally back home. Your nails raked against his scalp and you sucked at his skin a little harder, a little more urgently, a little more desperately and then he was the first to break.

He whimpered.

He fucking whimpered and that was all it took for you to maneuver slightly under him and spread your legs, wrapping them around his waist and pulling him close.

Fuck. He was hard. You felt it in the loose confines of his sweatpants, bobbing against your center when you pulled him down further and it set something on fire inside of you.

You brought your other hand up to get lost in his hair, giving it a tug to pull his head back just a bit so you could angle your mouth over his and you latched onto him hungrily, the contact sending a jolt through your entire body. He slipped his tongue past your teeth and finally allowed himself to touch you, hand cupping your jaw at first, then dropping to grip your ass under the sheets before sliding up your shirt, rough fingers skating up your stomach, then brushing over your tightened nipples, drawing out a sweet little moan which he swallowed down eagerly.

He flattened his hand over your heart, leaving it there as he licked into your mouth, both your jaws pried open as far as they could go, as if you were trying to swallow the other whole. He could feel your heart pounding through your chest, like it was trying to break free and jump into his palm. Like it was saying here, take me, I'm yours. And if you were to untangle your hands from his hair and place one over his own racing heart, he had no doubt you would hear what it was screaming in his chest.

I love you, I love you, I love you so fucking much, I'm so sorry, please forgive me.

And of course you forgave him. He was in just as much pain as you. Both of you had been mourning the same person without even realizing it.

And none of that seemed to matter anymore. Not in that moment, anyway. The two of you tangled together, the early morning glow from the sun washing over you, wrapping you up safe and sound in each other's arms.

You dropped your hands, abandoning his hair, nails dragging over his broad shoulders and leaving little red trails in their wake. His own hand slid down from your chest to grab your hip, pulling you impossibly closer to him, forcing you to feel how hard he was for you. All for you.

His facial hair burned your chin but you didn't mind. In fact, it felt good. You chased the feeling, pushing your mouth even harder against him, wanting to make sure you would feel that burn for the rest of the day.

Then you heard a knock on the front door.

Joel didn't react.

Either too lost in the moment or unwilling to allow it to end. Your hands drifted lower, over his relatively smooth chest and over his ribs, your fingertips dancing over each one like piano keys, careful to avoid his wound.

Another knock, louder now, made you pause. Breaking free and turning your head slightly to the side to open your eyes, you tried to listen, but Joel's mouth just slid down your jaw, nipping playfully as he went before biting gently on your earlobe. You gasped softly, momentarily forgetting about the door, your back arching underneath him. His tongue flattened against the hollow of your exposed throat, his exhale tickled your skin and caused a wave of goosebumps to emerge and he smirked, tongue still lavishing your neck as his fingers dug harder into your hip, like he was afraid to let you go.

Now you heard the front door unlock and carelessly swing open, but Joel still didn't stop.

"Joel," you whispered, your voice raspy from disuse. He only hummed in response, then his mouth latched onto your clothed breast, his tongue flicking against the thin material and you had to bite your lip to keep from crying out because you heard Ellie's voice now, along with Tommy's, making their way up the stairs.

"Joel!" you said, firmer this time and pushing him back. His dark eyes snapped up to yours, his parted lips wet and swollen as he gasped for air. Thankfully, it sounded like they had tried the master bedroom first. You heard Tommy's heavy steps enter your bathroom before walking back out into the hall and it finally clicked with Joel that you were no longer alone.

"Fuck," he muttered right before the door swung open. He dropped his upper body to cover yours best he could, protecting your modesty even though you were still fully clothed.

"Shit! Sorry!" Tommy exclaimed, backing out of the room. You squeezed your eyes shut as embarrassment flooded your veins, tucking your face into Joel's neck to hide.

"What-" you heard Ellie say from the hall, then the door slammed shut, leaving just you and Joel. The two of you stayed frozen, his body still pinning yours into the mattress under the covers, legs still wrapped around his waist as you listened to Tommy and Ellie's hushed voices trail down the stairs.

"Fuck," he sighed again, dropping his head against your shoulder.

Your heart fluttered in your chest as the both of you slowly regained your senses. Your hands drifted lightly over his back as he nuzzled into your neck, and you were perfectly content to remain just like that, but unfortunately he pushed himself up on his elbows with a sigh.

"I should go see what he wants," he murmured, giving you a heated look that told you talking to his brother was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Okay," you squeaked, feeling your cheeks warm under his gaze. He looked like he wanted to say something else but decided against it and instead sat up with a grunt. You pulled the covers back over you, the cool morning air prickling your skin now that you didn't have his body heat to keep you warm, and watched as he fumbled around the room for a discarded shirt. When his back was turned, he tried to subtly tuck his throbbing cock into his waistband, but you noticed and bit back a grin. Secretly, you were grateful for the interruption. As much as you wanted him, you needed to take things slow.

He walked down the stairs, his pace slower than usual as he favored his side with the wound. When his eyes met Tommy's in the kitchen, he saw the flash of guilt across his face for interrupting what was shaping up to be a really good fucking morning.

"Sorry," he said again, glancing quickly at the back of Ellie's head as she rummaged through the pantry for something to eat, completely oblivious to what they almost walked in on. "The kid let me in."

"Yeah, I got that," Joel grumbled as he made his way to the coffee maker and flipped the switch.

"Hey Joel, can I take this?" Ellie held up a box of granola bars and he nodded. She ripped into one and practically shoved half of it into her mouth. "How's it feel to be back home?" she asked with a mouthful of sticky oats. Joel made a disgusted face at the visual and she smirked at his reaction.

"Good," was all he said, turning away before the heat crept up his neck. It felt really fucking good to be home. "So what's goin' on?" he asked Tommy, who was leaning up against the kitchen sink.

"Couple of guys found some tracks this mornin'," Tommy began, and the hairs on the back of Joel's neck stood up.

"Tracks?" you questioned as you appeared in the doorway in a fresh set of clothes. Joel tried not to let his gaze linger on you, noting with a sick sense of pride that your neck still looked a little pink from his mouth, but it was hard. He should have just stayed in bed with you.

"Doesn't look like a big group," he said as Joel's face fell. "It ain't your fault-"

"They followed me here, Tommy," Joel rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"We'll handle it," Tommy replied calmly while you and Ellie sat down silently at the table to listen. "Shit was bound to happen sooner or later."

"Goddamnit," Joel growled angrily under his breath. "I shoulda been more careful. Stupid fuckin'-"

"Joel, you were passed out on the back of a horse," Tommy reasoned, "it's a miracle you even made it back at all. The tracks were a few miles south, I'm gonna get a group together later this mornin' and see what we can find."

"I'll go with you," he said but before Tommy could respond, you piped up.

"No, you're not."

Joel twisted around, taking in the alarmed look on your face. He held your gaze for a moment, your eyes pleading with him. Please don't. I just got you back. He immediately caved.

"Okay," he agreed, and you visibly relaxed with a smile. You desperately wanted to go to him, pull him close and thank him for listening to you, but your audience held you back.

Ellie glanced between the two of you with a knowing grin, finally sensing the change in the room.

"I wasn't lookin' for volunteers, anyway," Tommy said, breaking the heavy silence and pushing off the counter. "Just comin' by to tell you what's goin' on. We're headin' out in an hour, I'll stop by later and let you know what we find."

The coffee maker beeped and Joel grabbed two mugs from the cupboard. "Be careful out there," he told his brother as Tommy slid on his boots and swung open the door. "Don't do anythin' stupid."

"That's rich, comin' from you," he replied with a chuckle and Ellie snorted. Joel shot him a glare before he left, pouring coffee into each of your mugs. He took a grateful sip before bringing yours to the table and sat down. The both of you sipped your coffees in silence, eyes glued to the table while trying to ignore the obvious tension building. Ellie began to connect the dots and stood up.

"I should get going," she announced.

"You don't have to-"

"Stay and warm up a bit-"

She cut you both off. "I got shit to do. Homework and all that," she said, lying through her teeth as she headed for her boots. "Don't worry, I'll lock it behind me," she teased, slipping out the front door while your cheeks burned hot with embarrassment.

"Jesus," you muttered and Joel had to hold back a laugh. He stared down at his coffee, the mug now half filled with the dark, steaming liquid as he struggled to come up with something to say. There was so much he didn't even know where to start.

"Oh! Your meds!" you exclaimed, jumping up from your chair to retrieve the little orange pills Nick gave you the night before. "He said you need to take these with food. Let me make you something," you told him while you shuffled around pots and pans, looking for anything to keep yourself busy.

He sat back in his chair and watched you move around the kitchen with ease. Pulling oatmeal out of the pantry, measuring it out, boiling the pot with water.

You looked nervous. The thought made him smile. He made you nervous.

Right as you turned the burner off and grabbed a bowl you felt his hands circle your hips. You sighed and couldn't resist melting against him, closing your eyes for a moment and resting the back of your head against his shoulder while he buried his face in the crook of your neck.

"Thank you," he whispered while pressing a chaste kiss behind your ear.

"It's just oatmeal," you whispered back. He swallowed and shook his head before planting another kiss in the same spot.

"No, it's not."

You knew what he was trying to say and it made your heart swell. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for giving me a chance. Thank you for staying. Thank you for saving my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

"You're welcome," you replied, your voice wavering a bit as you turned around in his arms. You laced your fingers together behind his neck and gazed up at him, examining every wrinkle and scar, fighting the urge to kiss each and every one.

"I love you," he said softly while his thumbs tucked underneath the hem of your shirt, searching for any bit of your soft skin he could find. "I know you can't say it back yet and that's okay. I just really needed to tell you."

You blinked back your tears and nodded, pulling him down to your level and slotting your lips together once again. He sighed as his shoulders relaxed and for the first time everything just felt right so you tentatively flicked your tongue over his lower lip. You felt him smile before he allowed you to deepen the kiss, your tongue slowly and deeply massaging his as he pulled your body closer, pressing you firmly against him.

A deep groan rumbled from his chest when you raked your fingers through his hair, your knees practically buckling at the sound. He walked you backwards until you felt the counter pressing against your back, his kisses growing hungrier and his fingers gripping your hips tighter.

"Your food's getting cold," you mumbled, turning your face towards the oatmeal cooling on the stove.

"Don't care," he said, his lips grazing over your throat. He missed you so much and now that he finally had you, he couldn't get enough. When he dropped to his knees, his fingers hooking into the waistband of your jeans and his mouth ghosting over the apex of your thighs, you gasped and grabbed his hair, stopping him.

"I-I'm not ready for all that yet," you admitted as the warmth of embarrassment flooded your cheeks and chest. "I'm sorry, I know you've been waiting for so long-"

"Shh, it's okay," he said sincerely, then stood back up with a grunt. He cupped your face and gave you a gentle kiss. "I can wait. I'll wait forever, I don't care," he still cradled your jaw as he nuzzled his nose alongside yours.

"This is all I ever want, anyway," he whispered, and you smiled.

It was the first day of your fresh start.

Nick had offered you time off to care for Joel but it quickly became apparent as the day went on that he was doing far better than any of you expected.

He only had a little trouble going up the stairs so the two of you spent the rest of the day in the living room. You had thought he was going to try and nap so you busied yourself with a book, his head resting in your lap as your fingers absentmindedly carded through his curls while you read on the couch, the fire crackling next to you. It wasn't until you lifted your hand to flip a page when you noticed his eyes on you and you grinned.

"I thought you were going to try and sleep?"

"Not very tired," he replied, gently reaching up for your wrist and putting your hand back in his hair. "Feels real nice," he explained. You put your book face down, the spine spread open to hold your place, and began playing with his hair again.

"Joel?"

"Hm?"

"Did you go to my parents' house?"

Shit. In all the chaos since arriving back in Jackson he never had a chance to tell you.

"Yes," he said, staring up at you from your lap, watching as the shadow from the flames danced across your face.

"Is that where it happened?" you asked, your eyes traveling to the side where he was stabbed. He nodded and you sniffled, dropping your gaze to the floor. "I thought so. Because of the pills," you said quietly, "my name was on the bottle."

"I know," he replied, watching as your eyes clouded with guilt. He frowned. "What's wrong?"

"You got hurt because of me," you said, lower lip trembling. "If I hadn't been so immature we could've talked about it but instead I pushed you away and you almost died trying to prove a point-"

"Hey," he cut you off and sat up next to you, "it's not your fault, don't you dare think that, alright?" He cupped your face but you still refused to meet his eye. "I fucked up. It was on me, okay? I fucked up with Angie and I fucked up out there."

"You could've died," you said, two tears trickling down your cheeks. He wiped them away with his thumbs.

"But I didn't."

You took in a shaky breath and finally looked at him. "Don't do something like that ever again," you told him, an undercurrent of anger in your voice, and he smirked.

"Yes, ma'am."

He dropped his hold on your face and leaned back, stretching his arm across the top of the couch. "Can't deny it got results, though," he teased after a moment and you shot him a glare but he could see you biting back a smile. You picked up your book, leaning into his shoulder just a bit as you continued to read and he stared into the fire, his mind still reeling to catch up with how fast things changed. It felt like a dream.

"What did you go there for, anyway?"

Joel rolled his eyes. "It sounds so stupid now."

You put your book back down and twisted to face him. "I'm sure it's not."

With a groan, Joel pushed himself up from the couch and began to rummage through his backpack, which remained idle next to the door since the day before. You tucked your legs underneath you and watched curiously.

When he pulled out a familiar looking binder, a faded beige color with a black trim, you could have sworn your heart stopped.

"I wanted to give you somethin' that you would recognize. Somethin' that felt like home," he began, holding it out to you. "Maybe bring you some comfort or... I don't know. Like I said, it sounds stupid now."

"No," you whispered as you carefully took the album from his hands. "Not stupid, Joel." You pursed your lips as you stared at the cover, your fingertips gently skirting over the fabric. Your family was right in your lap. So many wonderful memories... right fucking there.

The tears welled up without warning and began to pour down your cheeks.

"Are you okay?" he asked, and you nodded.

"Yeah," you said, laughing through the tears. "You... you gave me my family back, Joel. How-" your voice cracked and you averted your gaze, doing your best to compose yourself but you knew it was no use. "How could you think this was stupid? This is everything to me."

He gave you a shy smile and shrugged. "Then it was worth it."

He had been listening to you for the better part of an hour as you walked him through each photo in the album and his only regret was he wasn't able to stay long enough in California to find more pictures. He loved hearing you talk about your family, about your childhood, about everything you loved. The look on your face and the tone of your voice was all he ever wanted. You were so fucking happy, so content and at ease that he knew without a doubt if he had to go through it all over again, he would do it in a heartbeat.

"Oh my god, so this was taken the day Matty tried to teach me to surf," you said with a giggle, dragging his eyes from your face to a picture of you and your brother on the beach in wetsuits. "He had learned in college because he went to school on the coast. I told you that, right?"

"Yep," he said with a warm smile.

"Anyway, it went as well as you could imagine. I have no coordination whatsoever. I fell, like, every single time, no matter how small the wave... Oh! This must have been his graduation," you said, pointing to the next photo of the four of you all dressed up in front of a regal looking building. "He was so smart, Joel. He was going to be a chemist. Who does that? Who majors in Chemistry? I absolutely hated chem," you said with a shake of your head. Your eyes hadn't stopped shining since you opened the album and the smile never left your face. Your gaze softened and you quieted down as you stared down lovingly at the pictures, your fingers tracing over them delicately. Occasionally you would tell him a story and other times you would grow quiet and thoughtful. He sat by your side and just listened, letting you work through your feelings and memories at your own pace.

"I miss them so much," you eventually said softly.

"I know," he replied, pressing a kiss to the side of your head.

"Thank you, Joel," you said, voice thick with emotion when you turned to look at him. Your eyes were wide and wet with unshed tears, and he saw your throat bob when you swallowed tightly. "This means so much to me, I don't know how to put it into words."

"You're welcome, baby," he told you. He pinched your chin and leaned in to kiss you when a sharp knock sounded from the door.

He stood with a frustrated huff and you hid your smile, setting the photo album down on the sofa next to you.

"Hey, come in," Joel said once he opened the door. Tommy stepped through and shrugged off his coat, locking eyes and giving you a nod. "What'd you find?"

"There were only four. Two of 'em were half frozen and the other two didn't have much fight in 'em."

You made a face and looked away as Joel led Tommy into the kitchen.

"Who were they?" Joel asked, and you heard the telltale sound of liquid pouring from a bottle. You stood and made your way towards the kitchen.

"Don't know," Tommy admitted, tossing back the whiskey. Joel gave him a refill right as you were entering the room. "We questioned the two that were conscious but they didn't give us much. Said they were alone. Said they were part of a bigger group that got picked off."

"The men I killed?" Joel asked, brow furrowed as he took a sip of whiskey.

"They didn't say, but they did tell us a few of their guys were out scavenging and never made it back, so maybe."

Joel nodded and you leaned against the doorframe, crossing your arms.

"You think they were tellin' the truth? That there ain't any more of 'em?"

Tommy shrugged. "Didn't have reason to think otherwise. We scoured the area. Couldn't find any other tracks-"

"But the snow coulda covered it up," Joel offered anxiously. He scratched his chin, staring blankly at the floor while the gears turned in his head. "They probably followed the horse tracks and when the snow got to be too much, they lost their way. They were comin' for me, Tommy."

For some reason it never occurred to you that those men were looking for revenge. It sent a shiver down your spine.

"Or they were just lookin' for someplace warm. You don't know, Joel. Besides, it don't matter now. It's dealt with."

Joel didn't look convinced but he kept his mouth shut, for your sake. He could tell he was worrying you and he had already put you through enough as it was.

"Listen, I oughta get back to Maria. I'm sure she's got her hands full," Tommy said after a brief silence. He handed Joel his empty glass and shot you a look. "Don't worry, sugar. We got this under control."

You gave him a tight smile and moved out of his way so he could gather his things.

"Thank you," you told him quietly while Joel rinsed out their glasses.

His eyes flicked up to yours as he laced up his boots. "Don't mention it. Ain't nothin' bad gonna happen, I promise."

You wished his words brought you some comfort but you couldn't shake the nagging voice in the back of your head.

"C'mon. Why don't you show me more pictures," Joel urged once Tommy was on his way. It was clear he was trying to get your mind off things.

"Actually, I think I'm gonna go to bed," you told him. He was in the middle of picking up your photo album when he paused and glanced up. His eyes scanned your face, clocking the anxiety you were trying to hide. He could tell you still felt responsible, even though he had insisted what happened wasn't your fault, and now the raiders following him back into the mountains just made matters worse.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," you replied, your voice sounding more confident as you tried to shrug off the bad feeling Tommy left. Your eyes flickered to his awkwardly. "Do you... need help getting up the stairs?"

He frowned and shook his head, too lost in his own head to pick up on what you were too nervous to really ask. "I'll be alright. Go get some rest, I'm gonna stay up for a bit."

After you went to bed, he tried to distract himself from the possibility he put the entire town, but more importantly, you, at risk. He poured another glass of whiskey and picked up a book, but he found himself rereading the same paragraph over and over for half an hour.

What a stupid fucking thing to do. He pinched the bridge of his nose, kicking himself for being so careless. Maybe he could convince you tomorrow to let him go out with Tommy. He trusted his brother, but he knew he would feel better if he explored the area himself. He knew he had to be careful. He made so much progress with you, he couldn't risk fucking that up, either, and based on the way you looked at him earlier, it was clear the prospect of him leaving Jackson again so soon scared you.

Warmth bloomed in his chest and the corners of his lips twitched into a smile. The idea of you scared didn't please him, but scared for him? Well, that was different.

The way he woke up that morning still felt like a dream. Your arms wrapped around him, your face nuzzled into his shoulder, your scent invading his senses. It felt strange for a split second until his memories came flooding back from a time when he woke up like that every single day and he foolishly wondered if you had finally remembered. Once you opened your eyes he knew instantly you hadn't, but somehow he was even more excited that someone as perfect as you found your way into his bed twice.

Bed.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes before tossing back the rest of his whiskey. He was procrastinating now, tending to the fire one last time before dragging himself back to his empty bed. How was he going to sleep when he knew you were right in the next room? God, what he wouldn't give to curl up in bed with you.

He froze, the poker hovering in the air halfway towards the fire as he thought back to your words when you went to bed, now hours ago.

Do you need help getting up the stairs?

You sounded a little strange but at the time he just chalked it up to Tommy's news about the raiders. When you asked if he needed help, were you trying to get him to come up and sleep with you?

"Oh, you fuckin' idiot," he growled to himself under his breath before slotting the poker back in the stand. Was it too late?

He crept quietly up the steps, hoping to see your light on under your door but unfortunately, your room was dark. Shit.

Changing into his sweatpants, he mentally chastised himself for being so goddamn thick and missing his opportunity to go to bed with you. After he washed up, he paced around his room, anxiously chewing his nail and wondering what he should do. Should he just go to sleep? Should he slip into your bed the way you did the night before? Would you be upset if he did?

Just when he thought he was about to wear a hole into the thin carpet he heard a light tapping on his bedroom door. He froze and held his breath, wondering if he imagined it until he heard it again.

He rushed to the door and whipped it open where he found you standing in the hallway wearing a thin T-shirt and sweatpants of your own. You didn't look like you had just woken up, your eyes didn't look like they were clouded with sleep. You were waiting for him.

Your gaze darted quickly over his bare chest, like you were trying not to look but couldn't help yourself. His cock twitched, excited by the notion that you could be fighting your own arousal, same as him.

"Can I stay with you?" you asked, your voice impossibly small and fuck, his heart squeezed in his chest at how sweet you were in that moment.

"Yeah," he breathed, hoping he didn't sound as desperate as he felt. He widened the door and stepped aside, watching as you slipped past him and curled up underneath his sheets.

Neither of you said a word. He just flicked off the light and slid into bed beside you, turning onto his side and pulling you against him. His face nuzzled the back of your neck and his arms wrapped around your waist and he heard you sigh. He held you close and with tears in his eyes whispered how sorry he was, how he would never hurt you again, how he was weak and stupid and he loved you so much.

You didn't say much in return. Just the occasional nod or sniffle or squeeze of his hand in acknowledgement.

All of the stress and anguish from the past several months were the furthest things from both your minds as you fell asleep that night, each of you finally assured that everything was going to be okay.

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[thats-a-mood-gabriella]

Okay. I kinda want to walk through what I think is happening in each of their heads during the conversation. For my own sake, mainly, but who knows, maybe someone else will find it useful. Spoilers ahead, obviously. (Also fair warning that this is long and I expect nobody to actually read it; this is mostly for me.)

So let's establish first where they are when Blitz arrives.

Blitz hates himself. He's on the path to healing after making up with Fizz, but it is a very long road ahead. So if you can imagine it as a spectrum where "hates self" and "loves self" are on opposite ends, maybe he's not all the way at the hates self end anymore, but he's still pretty darn far over that way. So Blitz is arriving thinking he's unlovable, that he makes everyone's lives worse, and that Stolas is possibly getting bored of him. We also know from his half of the duet that he genuinely looks forward to these full moon nights and likes their arrangement. Makes sense. It provides him with the comfort of what he thinks is the closest he can get to an actual relationship where all he has to give is something he knows that he can and that he's good at (sex). He wants to keep the arrangement going. Yes, for a way to earth, but also for Stolas. This, in Blitz's mind, is the only way he gets to keep him.

Stolas is likely unmedicated for his depression, since this show doesn't show us things like him being out of his pills as just a throwaway joke; it's important. Anyone who has ever had depression knows that it just loves to remind you of the worst things about yourself, most of which aren't even true. It tells you that you're worthless and unlovable. We can see this in the way he's covered everyone but Octavia in the artworks in his home, mirroring Blitz scribbling himself out of photos. He's been in a dark place. But Stolas is also being so brave, ready to ask Blitz to love him anyway. To choose him of his own free will, the way it should've always been. His depression is making it hard, but he's going out on the limb anyway and hoping Blitz will catch him.

"I need it back...permanently."

Blitz starts panicking. He reacts like a puppy that's been told it's a bad dog. He starts promising that he can be good, he can do better. He can fuck Stolas like nobody else can.

Stolas rebuffs the advance and this is interesting to me-- Blitz slips into his dom persona a little, trying to regain control of the situation. He calls Stolas "bitch" and pushes his legs apart, lowers his voice to be seductive. And it alllllllmost works, just for a second, as Stolas blushes and starts to fall under the spell of it all. But then he gets himself back under control and reasserts this new boundary.

Blitz immediately drops the act and starts to beg with genuine distress, tears in his eyes even, and up until this point, I won't argue with you if you try to tell me that it's all about the grimoire. I disagree, but I'll let you get away with telling yourself that. Right up until this point.

Because this is when Stolas holds out the crystal and everything changes.

Their fucking leitmotif or whatever you call it, I don't know music terms, it starts playing, changing from the dramatic, ominous music before. Blitz starts inspecting the crystal like he doesn't believe it's real.

Let's be clear: he knows what an Asmodean crystal is and what it does. He's seen them before at least twice, both in 2x05. So it's not that he's in disbelief or confusion about what it does or that it exists. It's that Stolas is giving it to him that's taking him aback.

"You no longer need my grimoire." "Whaaaat?"

Because all Blitz is hearing is "you don't need me now. I can be rid of you without guilt."

"I don't understand. Why are you giving me this? Am I not fucking you good enough? Because I can always do better."

Let's take a second to pretend we're in a world where Blitz has zero feelings for Stolas. That this has always just been about getting to earth. In that world, Blitz never says this line. In that world, Blitz splits right here. He has the crystal in his hands. He knows what it does. He is officially 100% free at this point.

But we don't live in that universe and this line proves it. Blitz thinks he's being cast aside and instead of seeing it as his chance at freedom from Stolas, he's begging to be kept.

I can do better. Don't throw me away.

"I care...very deeply for you. And I have for some time."

This is the face Blitz makes after that. The entire time Stolas is talking, he keeps looking between Stolas and the crystal while making this face, like he literally can't process what is happening. Of all the things he expected to happen tonight, this wasn't even on the list. And remember: Blitz hates himself. Blitz genuinely believes he is unlovable.

Have you ever experienced something so surreal that it's almost like you left your body during it? Like your brain literally couldn't process that this was happening to you, so it's almost like you dissociate to the point that you feel like you're watching it happen to someone else? Because things like this don't happen! Not to you. These are things you see on TV or hear happening to other people. But to YOU? There's no way it's real.

"You don't have to stay here with me."

He looks ALARMED. Scared. The thought that he's about to lose Stolas genuinely startles him. He doesn't want what he thinks is happening. He doesn't want to be cast aside. If his choice is this or the chains, he'd rather the chains.

But. That's not the choice he's being presented. Because Stolas adds,

"But I want you to."

And Blitz's brain, his traumatized, mentally ill brain...just can not process that. No one wants to keep him. He's a commodity to be bought and sold and has been since his father sold him to Paimon as a child (which, by the way, I'm fairly convinced he thinks was Stolas's idea, not Paimon's). Maybe even before.

So his defense mechanisms kick in from this point on. Default to what's comfortable. It must be a sex thing! There's no way Stolas means this, so it's gotta be some weird roleplay. Well, he can do that! He can swoon and say he loves him (and if that hits a little too close to the truth, then fuck you, no it doesn't) and it's fine because this is fake. This can't be real, because things like this don't happen to someone as "worthless" as Blitz believes himself to be.

Blitz is trying to protect his own heart here, but what Stolas is hearing is rejection. Blitz playing it off as a joke must mean that Stolas is a joke for ever thinking Blitz could love him back. And why would he? Stolas doesn't see himself as lovable, either. One of his earliest memories is of Blitz "using" him to steal from the palace, never knowing that Blitz was only doing so on his father's orders, just as Blitz probably doesn't know that he was bought on Paimon's order, not Stolas's. He's a commodity, too.

Stolas's depression immediately puts him in a place where he can't see past his own pain and self-loathing. Blitz not immediately jumping into his arms must mean that all the worst things he thinks about himself are true. Blitz sees him as the monster he fears he is.

So he pulls himself together and starts to walk. And again, Blitz could leave here if he didn't care.

But the strangest thing happens. Blitz realizes that Stolas meant it. He even asks,

"Wait, you were being serious? Hold on, Stolas. What the fuck?"

He's trying to talk it out. He's trying to have the conversation. He's hurt and confused and in disbelief but he's not running from this. He's not letting Stolas walk away from him because he wants Stolas, and he's actively trying to keep him. They have to talk this through, and Blitz of all people is the one trying to pull Stolas back into the conversation.

"The fact that you couldn't believe that I could have these feelings about you, the fact that your first instinct is that it's always about sex, that's enough to know what this is."

See, what we have to remember is that Stolas doesn't have all the information we do. He hasn't seen the crossed out pictures, he didn't witness the flashback to the fire that killed Blitz's mom. Stolas hasn't watched Blitz cry himself to sleep or drink himself into a stupor after what he perceived as a public rejection at Ozzie's. Neither of them have all the information about each other that we, the audience do.

So when Stolas, who doesn't know that Blitz hates himself and thinks himself unlovable, hears that Blitz thinks there's no way that Stolas could love him, what Stolas hears is "you, Stolas, are an unlovable monster in my eyes."

It just confirms all the worst things Stolas thinks about himself. It's a literal, "it's not you, it's me," situation, but Stolas can't see that because he doesn't have all the information.

And here's what's even more interesting. Blitz doesn't think it's over like Stolas does. He's not rejecting Stolas.

"Fuck you, Stolas. You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you put me through, you pompous, rich, asshole?"

This is Blitz saying that this is all very unexpected for him, but he's not saying no. He's saying "give me a minute, let me think. Don't take my first reaction in the way that you are. I was surprised. I was in disbelief. Give me a fucking minute to PROCESS."

But by this point, it's too late. Stolas's self-loathing has taken the driver's seat in his brain and all he can hear is that Blitz hates him, that he is unlovable, that he's a monster, that he's all the things he feared were true, and the person telling him that is the person he cared (second) most for in the entire world.

Blitz's defense mechanism is fight. Stolas's is flight. And so when Blitz unloads on him like that, Blitz is trying, in his own messed up way, to have the conversation. To work this out. To be honest for once and see if they can get somewhere now that the dam has been broken. While Stolas...his instinct is to flee. And since he's the one with the magic portals, guess what happens?

"I didn't realize you think so low of me."

You can tell by Blitz's reaction that he realizes they're not having the conversation he thinks they are. He realizes in that instant that Stolas isn't going to yell back with him. They're not going to scream at each other until they get it all out of their systems and reach a catharsis. He's hurt Stolas, maybe in a way that they can't come back from, and he immediately shifts his demeanor.

"Stolas, wait. I'm so--"

And then it's over. He's been kicked out of the palace. Thrown aside, just like he feared he would be.

And each of them are left feeling like the other thinks they're a monster, because neither of them realize that the only person who thinks they're a monster is themself.

I gotta go lie down, jfc.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

oh no, i hope you get better soon! you deserve to be in the middle of a sleep token cuddle pile with the boys taking care of you :)

Waiting for antibiotics to kick in and hoping that I can get a free day off work tomorrow. 🫡🫧

But also….

No, but imagine them all finding out that you are unwell. You forbid them from coming to visit you because the tour starts soon and you would never forgive yourself if you were to get them sick too. But then you get woken up from your fever nap by your doorbell ringing. So you’re dragging yourself up, hair all messy, a blanket wrapped around your body. And you open the door to them bickering because iii forgot your keys.

“Not my fucking problem that your key is like hers”, he grunts before turning to you, “oh, hun…” and you’re being dragged into iii’s warm embrace. And it’s so comforting and warm and so exactly what your freezing body needs.

“Yeah, out of the hallway”, Vessel orders, “She will get even more ill, it’s windy here”. And then they are practically push you inside. Palm after palm coming to check your forehead. “Guys…”, you grunt, “I told you to not come”, you try to frown but that only results in your head hurting even more. “And have we ever listened, darling”, ii shrugs, already mid-watching up the dirty dishes in your kitchen.

“You need to shower 'cause this ain’t it”, iv pulls at the strand of your hair. “Thanks huh… kind of been busy being sick”, you grunt. “You look cute regardless”, he’s quick to interject with a wink, “I’m just saying that a bath would make you feel better”, he pulls you into his chest and you once again melt into a warm embrace, feeling your eyes closing.

“Come, I’ll help you wash up”, Vessel gently runs a hand down the back of your neck. “I’m not getting naked in front of you”, you wheeze, hiding your face even further into iv chest. “Nothing I haven’t seen before”, Veseel shrugs making you let out a gasp, “You haven’t seen my ass”. Laugher echoes through the apparent. “Questionable statement if we take last new year’s into consideration”, iii snorts. “Who are you to talk to, your dick was out before midnight”, you shoot him a look, sending everyone into fits of laughter once again. “Okay, bath now”, Vessel practically peals you away from iv before scooping you up in his arms, “Fun later”.

You don’t remember much of the bath time. Just Vessel humming beneath his breath as he washed your hair, running a wet cloth down your arms as you soaked in hot water. Every cough that slipped past your lips made him frown more and more. At some point iv had popped his head in to check on you, double-checking on what meds he needed to go grab. Once you were dried off and drowning in iii hoody, a big mug of tea was placed in your hands.

Your living room was now spotless. Blankets you didn’t even know you had thrown all over the sofa. “Chicken noodle soup should be done soon”, ii walked in a tea towel draped over his shoulder. You only crook your head to the side. “Don’t give me that look”, he flicks your nose, “You would do the same for us”. And where he’s not wrong, you still couldn’t get over the four men fussing over you.

“You are being too sweet”, you sigh, letting your body fall into the blankets. “So are you when you stay up for hours on face time after shit shows”, iii muses, scooting in next to you. You smile at him weakly, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Movies and cuddles?”, iv steps through the door, dangling a bag in his hands. “I call dibs on picking”, Vessel hums, pulling your legs over his lap. “You always pick”, iii rolls his eyes yet tosses the remote to him anyway. “Take two”, iv pops pills into his palm before handing them to you, “Save me a spot while I go look for a thermometer”, he pats your thigh before disappearing into the kitchen. “I swear if you all leave me a corner seat I will beat your ass”, ii shout back, making you all chuckle.

[starlazergazer]

Fallen Sick

Pairing: Anakin x Reader

Summary: With a threat of invasion hanging over your head your role as senator has never felt more important. Your immune system, however, seemed to disagree as you fall sick instead. However, unwilling to slow down even a little to try and curb the sickness leads to Anakin having to follow you around taking care of you.

Warnings: None little bit of angst but mostly fluffy Anakin worrying about you

Word count: 4k

A/N: No request for this one but was something I wrote to help me get back into the mood for writing. Thank you so much for everyone who sent messages checking on me in the last month I really appreciate you!! Also I hope you like this piece I wrote it pretty much for fun so enjoy!

You tried your best to ignore how much harder it seemed to breathe in this moment, only allowing your mouth to open mere centimeters to allow air to pass through, your nose far too clogged to breathe through it.

Around you conversation of the incoming separatist forces swelled but you had since given up listening, instead choosing to fight your eyelids as they threatened to close, already having lost the posture war with your spine as you slumped over in your chair.

You could feel the sweat accumulate on your back, regretting your choice in thick, warm clothing in this moment though you could remember minutes ago when you were shivering, angry at yourself for not choosing something even warmer.

In this moment you could feel your body’s need for rest but refused to give in to it. The separatist army was a day out from the city, the clone army you had to beg the senate to send over was currently being welcomed to the area and despite the evacuation notice the city was still at 30% capacity. Despite whatever your body seemed to think you needed you were not slowing down until you knew your home was safe.

With no warning you swiftly closed your notebook before you, giving your advisors around the table a stiff nod as you stood “it’s a good plan and I have complete faith in it but at a certain point there is only so much more we can discuss before the separatist army inevitably descends”

You were met with solemn nods in agreement all around before your secretary of defense spoke up “we will stop them before they reach the city senator, the clone army you brought in will help with that”

And though you wanted to believe his words you couldn’t help but doubt them, see them for the empty promise meant only to console you that they were, but you couldn’t help but appreciate them, giving him a small smile and a final nod before making for the exit.

The door before you slid open to reveal Anakin Skywalker standing just on the other side, already expecting you. A small smile started to grow at the sight though quickly dropped from your face as you saw what he was holding, a glass of water and two small pills.

“Ani-“ you groaned softly with a roll of your eyes, pushing past him to continue down the hallway, Anakin quickly falling into step beside you.

“Don’t Ani me” he shook his head “just take the pills”

“I don’t need them” you objected, refusing to make eye contact, picking up your pace ever so slightly trying to hurry to the next meeting.

“Okay” he shrugged nonchalantly “let me check then”

Your pace hiccupped, a brief pause in your step as you side eyed him “Anakin-“

“Come on” he interrupted your whine, already shifting the pills to his other hand so that he had one free “two seconds just let me check”

With a small huff you stopped on the spot, turning to face Anakin giving him the opportunity to press the back of his hand to your forehead. And though you knew he wouldn’t have a good reaction you were still a little startled when his skin made contact for no more than a second before he was pulling his hand back with a hiss, eyes wide as he looked down at you.

“Oh you’re being dramatic” you rolled your eyes, going back to walking down the hallway.

Anakin lagged behind you for only a second before catching back up with you “You’re burning up Y/N”

“I’m fine” you urged him, putting as much force into your voice as possible as you tried to storm ahead “and I’m late so if you could-“

Your words died as Anakin hurried ahead of you, stopping right in front of you, physically blocking your path with crossed arms.

You froze before him, glaring up at him with your own crossed arm, a battle of wills you knew you were going to lose though it was still worth a try.

“I’m not trying to be difficult-“ Anakin started though you quickly interrupted.

“Really? Then what are you doing right now keeping me from my next meeting?”

He sighed dramatically, again extending the hand with the pills in it to you “Just take the pills Y/N, then I’ll let you go”

And in that moment you chose to ignore the ‘let you’ comment, instead quickly grabbing the medication from his hand, tossing them in your mouth and taking the water from him to wash them down. Not waiting a second you pushed past him as soon as you swallowed, your shoulder pushing his back as you stormed past.

You got no more than a few steps before you felt his fingers wrapping around your forearm, pulling you back softly. You spun around to glare at Anakin, trying to ignore the way his expression softened as he looked down at you.

“Look Y/N I’m just trying to help” he seemed to plead with you, his voice dropping down to just above a whisper “I know there is a lot going on right now and you’re needed by everyone but you need to do at least the bare minimum to take care of yourself. You can’t help anyone if you can’t stand on your own feet”

And despite how much you disliked it you had to admit he was right, anger slowly starting to sink down within you as you took a deep breath, unable to do much more than give him a small nod before turning back around and making your way further down the hallway.

-

You weren’t too surprised to see Anakin waiting for you in the hallway after your next meeting, though you were sure there was better things he should have been doing in that moment.

“Med time again already?” You asked him with a tentative teasing tone, feeling relief as you watched a soft smile grow on his face as he approached you.

“Got another two hours” He answered, “just wanted to come check on you”

You appreciated the truce the two of you seemed to have fallen into, though still refused to flat out admit that the medication was the right call. “I’m okay”

“Yeah I’ve heard that before” he responded skeptically, eyes scanning you as he tried to figure out if you looked any better.

You opened your mouth to respond when you heard your name being called from across the hall. You spun to see councilman Tusken heading in your direction with an eager smile on his face.

“Councilman” you greeted him, both you and Anakin turning to address the man as he approached “how are you?”

“I’m doing well” he smiled down at you “I just wanted to let you know-“

And suddenly it was as if your hearing had stopped working, a high pitched ringing sounded in your ear instead as you flinched ever so slightly, doing your best to act as if you were still listening.

The councilman noticed nothing as he continued to drone on though your head started to spin, your body swaying ever so slightly as you fought to keep your balance, feeling your heartbeat in your neck.

“Councilman I’m so sorry” you interrupted him, knowing you needed to cut of the conversation as soon as possible “I just realized I’m running late do you mind if I find you later?”

“No no not at all” he assured you politely, already retreating back across the hall as he spoke “it can wait”

You waited until the councilman was out of sight before collapsing into Anakin’s side, the Jedi’s quick reflexes proving useful as he caught you against him effortlessly.

“I’m-I’m sorry” You mumbled against him, trying to push yourself off his torso and back to your feet, using Anakin’s balance to anchor yourself better, noticing that the room seemed to stop spinning around you at least “I don’t know what that was”

Anakin helped you shift your weight back to your own feet though his hands never left your sides, as he stooped down to your eye level, worried blue eyes bouncing back and forth between your own “Yeah come on” he nodded slightly as he stood back up to his full height, pulling you softly forward “you’re going to lie down”

“No” you protested weekly, trying to shake his hands off of you “I need to-“ you couldn’t seem to get out full sentences, the disorientation taking full effect as you fought the intense urge to sit down on the spot “I need to speak to councilman Chall about the evacuation”

“Y/N you can’t even stand right now” Anakin argued, again trying to pull you though you stayed rooted on the spot.

“We’re still at 30%” you argued back with a weak shake of your head “We need to get them out”

Anakin sighed softly, reluctantly giving up on his efforts to pull you forward before coming back to your eye level “what if I personally oversaw the evacuation effort?”

You drew your eyebrows together at that, scrunching up your face at him “you?”

And he couldn’t help but laugh softly at your expression, giving his head another soft shake “If you agree right now to go back to your room and take a nap I will get every person out of the area if I have to carry them out myself”

And despite everything you felt your resolve crumble a little bit, feeling the sincerity in his words, knowing that if you were to trust the effort with anyone it would be Anakin. “You’ll make sure they’re safe”

His hands came down to grab both of yours, giving them a soft squeeze “I promise you I will do everything I can to make sure everyone is safe”

After a brief pause you knew there was no more you could do, no better you could ask honestly, and so you agreed, nodding your head at him albeit reluctantly “Okay fine”

At this Anakin broke out into a grin, pulling you forward again and happy to see that you followed him this time “Good because I don’t know how to put this nicely but you look like crap Y/N”

A chuckle escaped you as you let yourself be pulled along “you sure know how to charm a woman Skywalker”

-

You never liked to give Anakin the satisfaction of knowing he was right, very familiar with the smirk he always gave you that was more adorable than it had any business being, the look in his eye that told you he was going to hold it over your head for years to come. None of it was worth the trouble.

But even you had to admit the nap was the right call.

You woke up feeling more refreshed than you had ever been, feeling for the first time in days as if you were truly fitting in your own skin, truly cognizant of the world. Your head felt lighter, softer, your muscles no longer groaning with the slightest movements, you felt good.

With a content sigh you picked yourself up into a sitting position, gaze falling to the window naturally, taking in the high noon sun without feeling a sharp pang in your head for the first time in days.

You took a deep breath, taking a moment to truly appreciate the break in your fever before it hit you, high noon sun. It had been mid afternoon when you went to bed, the only way there could be a high noon sun was if it was the next day, the day of the separatist army’s invasion.

You were on your feet in the next second, sprinting to your closet pulling out the first outfit you could find. You vaguely noted the sound of the door opening as you dressed in the closet, head poking out as you heard a voice call out.

“I’m glad to see you on your feet senator”

You smiled at Jaina your advisor, throwing a shirt over your head before hopping out of the closet struggling to pull your foot into your shoe as you did so. “More than that I feel fantastic”

And though you had a smile on your face you watched Jaina’s own fall as she took in your outfit. “You’re dressed to go out?”

“Yes” you answered simply, as if it were obvious “the separatist army should be reaching the edge of the city any minute now”

“They arrived half an hour ago” she answered softly, as if she didn’t really want to tell you that.

You swore softly under your breath, going back into the closet to grab your blaster, you’d slept too long.

“I’ve been told by Master Skywalker to watch you” she called back to you as you tucked your blaster into its holster.

“And you’ve done an excellent job” You called back to her “I feel great”

“I-“ she stuttered slightly “I’m not sure you can leave”

You raised a brow at her, already making your way to the door “I can do whatever I want, no matter what Master Skywalker said, he is in charge of neither me nor you”

“Right it’s just that-“ and that was all you let her get out before you left the room.

-

You spotted a familiar trooper in position behind a piece of rubble, taking shots over it when the opportunity presented itself.

You ran up beside him, your back connecting a little too harsly with the stone as you came to a stop, your chest heaving with your quick shallow breaths as you shouted over the battle around you. “What’re we looking at?”

His helmet turned ever so slightly for just a moment, do doubt getting a brief look from the corner of his eye before he let out a loud sigh, “Oh the general’s not going to like this”

You let out a soft chuckle with a shake of your head, taking the brief pause in lasers flying over your head as an opportunity to get a shot out before answering “what the general doesn’t know won’t hurt him”

“Right well do me a favor and make sure the general doesn’t figure it out” Rex sighed, just in time for a familiar voice to sound.

“Make sure the general doesn’t figure out what” Anakin’s smug voice sounded just before his body came flying over the rubble you were hiding behind, the jedi effortlessly vaulting the large rock before slamming his back to it just as you had done, his head snapping almost immediately to you, any smirk immediately dropping from his face as he took you in, “what are you doing here?”

You heard Rex faintly mutter a “great” under his breath before you could answer with a  roll of your eyes.

“I’m here to help”

Another break in the shooting giving you just enough time to spring up and get off a shot though just as you shifted your weight Anakin’s hand shot to your shoulder, pulling you back down to your kneeling position “What do you mean you’re here to help?” It almost came out as more of a demand than a question. “You’re sick you’re supposed to be resting you’re-” throughout his rambling his hands had started roaming your arms, checking for any issues before coming up to your face, the back of a hand resting against your forehead, before going to your check “you actually seem to be feeling a bit better” and despite everything going on around you a small smile grew on his face.

“I am” you nodded with a small smile of your own, “So I came to help”

The smile dropped from his face on the spot, the seriousness of a jedi general taking over once again “I don’t care how well you’re feeling now you cannot be here”

“I serve this planet not you” you countered “I’m not going anywhere”

Anakin looked down at you in dejection, unsure of what he could say in this moment to get you to leave when an explosion sounded from one street over, eliciting a string of swear words under Anakin’s breath.

He gave you one last look or warning before vaulting over the rubble calling out Rex’s name as he did so.

“I’ve got her General” Rex called out as Anakin took off down the street.

You took the opportunity to peak up and get another shot out, already planning out your route for advancement as you did so. “You’ve got me huh?”

“Just don’t get yourself killed okay?” Rex grumbled as he took a few shots of his own “I’d never hear the end of it”

You smirked at him, sending him a quick wink before jumping over the rubble, counting on Rex to cover you as you did so without a second thought.

-

You stared down at the piles of destroyed robots discarded simply to the side of the street, and tried not to let your own despair take over. You had won, the separatist army had been forced to retreat, the city was safe but at what cost? Buildings had been destroyed beyond hope of repair, people’s homes, businesses, their livelihoods all gone. You didn’t even want to know how many of your own had died in the fight, a fight that didn’t even feel like your own.

“You shouldn’t have done that” A familiar voice sounded from over your shoulder, you didn’t turn your head to respond. “You had nearly collapsed in the hallway hours ago you need to be in bed”

“I made it” you voice came out hollow, your eyes never tearing from the metal scraps below “I’m fine”

“Come here” you heard him sigh, his body coming in to block your view as he raised a hand to your forehead.

You slapped it away without a second thought, rolling your eyes as you took a step back from him “I said I’m fine”

“And I’ve heard those words before” He insisted, taking back the step you had put between the two of you “they were a lie then, are they a lie now?”

“I’m a big girl Anakin” you challenged, raising your chin to make eye contact with him for the first time “I know how to take care of myself”

“Do you?” he challenged, his voice raising slightly as the frustration built in it “because you’re so out of things it looks like you struggle to get through a simple conversation and you say you’re fine, you run a fever so hot your skin is uncomfortable to touch and you say you’re fine, you nearly collapse in a hallway because your legs can’t support your own weight and you say you’re fine. Then I finally manage to get you to slow down and take some medication and a nap and I find you in the middle of a battlefield hours later. That is not taking care of yourself Y/N that is a death wish”

“You’re being dramatic” You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms defensively over yourself, avoiding eye contact with Anakin while he pointedly stared back at you.

“I’m not-“ Anakin exclaimed loudly before cutting himself off, a hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose before he let out a deep sigh, crossing his arms in front of him before his gaze returned to you “Look it’s over, the city’s safe, they’re loading up the transports I’ve got to go”

He turned around with little more notice, barely giving you time to react.

“Hold on what?” You reached out to grab his wrist, stopping him in his place.

“Missions over” he shrugged off your hold, already taking steps back, his voice small and hollow “I’m glad you’re feeling better Y/N, really”

And with that he turned to leave again, giving you seconds to debate your next move before instinct took over and you yelled out the first thing you could think of “I don’t like feeling helpless”

Thankfully Anakin paused at your voice, not turning around to face you but at least listening.

“I love being a senator and working to create systematic change but a lot of the time it feels useless, we’re so far removed on Coruscant” You sighed, watching hopefully as Anakin slowly turned to make eye contact with you “Then all of a sudden there was a threat of invasion, people on my home planet people I swore to protect were in real immediate danger and I had the ability to provide real, tangible help, and I was just supposed to let some cold take me out? Give up on everyone because I’ve got the sniffles”

Anakin sighed at your words, leaning against the wall “It was more than just the sniffles Y/N”

“I know that” you assured him quickly “or at least I did by yesterday but at first it was something I could just push through, and there was so much going on, so many people asking for my advice I felt like I couldn’t let them down, couldn’t let my home down”

“That’s why you have a staff, have people to work with, people you can trust to take over when you can’t do it” His voice seemed to grow softer and more empathetic with every word, his tone practically begging you to listen to what he was saying, to really listen.

“I know it’s just-“ You sighed, running a frustrated hand through your hair as you spoke “isn’t it selfish to put your own needs before those of an entire planet?”

At this Anakin chuckled softly, the sight of his smile even if it was just a small one breaking through a few layers of ice, a weight lifted off your chest. He pushed himself off the wall and came to stand right in front of you, bowing down slightly to stare directly into your eyes “Not if putting yourself first now means you can continue to serve this planet later”

Doubtfully you stared back at him, your eyes dancing wordlessly back and forth between his, Anakin picking up on your doubt quickly before continuing “You can’t help anyone if you’re stuck in a med bay,” he sighed “It’s better to do little things now than be completely taken out later. That means you can’t run yourself into the ground Y/N, that means not pushing yourself through work till you physically collapse and especially not rushing onto an active battlefield. You need to take care of yourself because I won’t always be here to do it for you”

Reluctantly you nodded with a small sigh, looking up at him through your lashes as he straightened back up to his full height, a small, satisfied smile on his face at your agreeance. “Does that include now?” you asked him softly.

He chuckled at that, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to pull you into his side as he led you back to the capital “I suppose I can ‘accidentally’ miss my transport ship for the next few days”

“Good” you responded cheerfully, happily leaning into him as you walked “because I’m not sure if I’ll be able to walk anywhere for the next few days. You’ll have to carry me”

“mmmhm” he hummed back in amusement, giving you a soft squeeze from the side.

“Wouldn’t want to push myself too hard”

“No we wouldn’t” he agreed

“And how’s your cooking cause I think homemade soup is exactly what I need to get better”

“Don’t push your luck princess”

[cumaeansibyl]

okay this is my biggest conspiracy theory except it's not really a Conspiracy Theory because I am not actually positing a shadowy prime mover who planned the whole thing from the start. that always ends up in wildly antisemitic places where I do not go, and also I don't think anyone in history has had their shit together enough to mastermind Schemes of this type. my theories are always more like "this happened serendipitously and at some point maybe someone noticed and took advantage but there's certainly no central figure in charge."

so we start with the normalization of overwork in our society, since roughly forever. in modern times this led to abuse of medical and recreational stimulants -- everyone was on speed in the 50s and coke in the 80s -- but we all kind of figured out that was a bad idea, for the most part. what we still had after the white powder settled, though, was caffeine. totally legal, totally normalized.

but people were still overworked, and they also still wanted to have energy after work, to do fun things with the little free time left to them.

enter energy drinks.

unlike coffee, which still has the feeling of a daytime beverage and also to some extent a workplace beverage, energy drinks are an anytime food! you can even get them in mixed drinks for a night out. they're for work AND play. they come in a wide range of dose strengths, including a shooter for when you're in really dire straits. after all, taking caffeine pills feels like "pill-popping," but having a little beverage is fine, right?

at the same time, there is increasing interest in remedies for a variety of unspecific ailments caused by "toxins," the new buzzword in a very old industry of patent nostrums and dubious cure-alls. the theory is that some sort of unspecified substance has entered your body, and in order to feel well again you need to detox and cleanse -- which in practice involves a lot of induced defecation. And this is supposed to be good for feelings of fatigue, muscle soreness, anxiety, stomach upset, and difficulty sleeping.

See where I'm going with this?

The "toxins" that make you feel terrible all the time are caffeine. Not heavy metals, or refined sugar, or vaccines, or yeast. It's just fucking caffeine.

Well, caffeine and chronic overwork/sleep deprivation, which is not entirely a direct result of the caffeine but is certainly enabled/exacerbated by it. Everyone is working too much and taking stimulants to get through the day and in fact experiencing mild overdose symptoms on a fairly regular basis (irritable? jittery? that's caffeine toxicity) and it's no wonder we all feel like shit.

And then! When you come home from your day of pushing your mind and body too hard! It is ALSO normalized to take downers to level out! Alcohol is also a toxin, and it takes a lot less of it to start doing systemic damage than most people realize. When you wake up in the morning feeling foggy and achy, it may not be enough to register as a proper hangover, but it's almost certainly the combined effect of alcohol and caffeine withdrawal. Both mild! Both nearly harmless and easily recovered from! If you're not doing it on a regular basis and if you're getting enough rest, which you're not, as we previously established.

It's the chronicity that's the issue, the neverending grind of it all. You can't recover from chronic sleep deprivation or overwork with an extra few hours of rest on the weekends. You can't recover from long-term chemical dependence with a 24-hour tolerance break. If you're a wage earner in late-stage capitalism your options for reversing the damage are pretty limited and they all look like deprivation: prioritizing an unbroken 8-9 hours of sleep per night may well mean giving up most if not all of your social life and leisure activities. Fuck that.

And to be clear, I don't consider choosing to stay out late with a vodka Red Bull to be a personal failure of any kind, just like I don't think poor people should never buy themselves anything nice. If work keeps trying to take more and more of your time, you gotta carve out time for yourself somewhere. But... y'all know me. I want people to know the risks.

I think a lot of people don't realize that their bodies are under this much strain. They don't know that we are better suited for a 4-6 hour work day, that 6-7 hours of sleep is genuinely not enough for most people, that as little as 2 cups of coffee might be enough to put them over the recommended maximum caffeine intake. They don't know that they're drinking enough alcohol to cause health problems.

If you know and you decide to do it anyway that's fine, it's your right. I do inadvisable shit all the time. But people don't know, they're not being told, because they can't be allowed to question the material conditions they're being forced to endure -- and then they're being sold a bunch of useless or even harmful bullshit to "cure" the inevitable consequences of those conditions.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

Growing pains

Summary: How did Jeff and Rio feel knowing Miles was sneaking out with a girl?

Jeff's rant became background noise as she lifted the sweater in confusion.

It wasn't Miles, not just because it wasn't his size (she had needed to buy so many new clothes with his growth spur that she would know) but it was...feminine, she could even smell faintly some perfume.

Whoever left it was using it recently.

"-Babe are you backing me up in this one or what?" 

Rio snapped back to reality as she felt her husband's hand on her shoulder, he looked at her still kind of upset yet more curious as to why she hasn't moved from that spot.

"Jeff, where is this from?" She asks immediately, not paying attention to whatever he has been insisting on her.

Arching an eyebrow, he didn't look too much into the item before shrugging with disinterest "I don't know, I normally let him choose whatever he wants as long as the price is okay; a better question is why his room is such a mess, maybe we should ground him an extra month for that-"

"Jeff" She called him again, trying to distract him from his authoritative-dad ideas "This isn't his, it has to belong to a girl."

The moment the word 'girl' came out of her mouth he seemed even more puzzled. Giving an actual look at the item from his wife's hands, he was trying to remember if he has seen it before "Does it belong to one of your nieces maybe?"

"I didn't remember seeing any of them using this, why it would be here anyways? We let the guest put their coats in the entrance, and I don't think either Ana or Camila would just leave this in Miles's bed for no reason."

As they both realized they couldn't recall anyone who could have this sweater, finally the other possible explanation popped into their minds. Not because it wasn't obvious, but more like-

"Is this happening now? It isn't too soon?"

"No, no no no, no way that boy brought a girl to our house, to his room, all while he is grounded." Just as quickly, Jeff was getting worked out again about this outrage.

Miles comes late (again,) with cakes that are falling apart, refuses to talk to them, and now he is hearing how he left his room to be with a girl?

Rio couldn't believe it either.

"This can't be right- He is too young to think of that!" She replied in disbelief.

She felt her husband's gaze rest on her as she stopped looking at the item (who could belong to? Maybe one of Miles's old friends from the neighborhood? As far she knew he stopped hanging out with everyone around here,) and saw the face Jeff always puts when he isn't sure how to tell her something.

"What?"

And her snappier response didn't seem to make him more confident about saying it.

"I mean- Look, don't get me wrong, we are both on the same side here" He prefaces, he needed to reserve all his energy to think how to get to that boy's skull that he couldn't do whatever he wanted, not to mention that when Rio got angry even he got scared. "But, he is fifteen honey."

"Yeah! A baby!"

"Well, not so baby, I mean at his age I was-"

The pointed look of Rio was all the information he needed to know he SHOULDN'T end that sentence.

"What I am trying to say, is that he is getting to a certain age mi amor, we cannot stop that."

Rio's shoulders fell, realizing how tense she was getting and this wasn't even going into how disobedient her son has been getting lately. As she looked towards the room (which was indeed a mess,) she saw the toys laying around, notebooks of old drawings pilled over the new ones that show his progress, she could almost see him as a toddler running around with a cape.

That felt like it was yesterday.

And now she had the sweater of a girl she doesn't know in her hands, in Miles' room.

Where did her little boy go?

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Since the Wip poll won, I decided to post this little thing that was actually, my first fic for this fandom.

I never got to publish it because it was missing two other scenes, but I decided to scrap it since the third one felt a bit too crazy, so I would do that idea for another thing.

So now while this is technically not a wip, I decided to publish it since I don't have any works in progress I can give sneak peaks for now.

Thanks for reading!

[gyumibear]

💖 create a sim(p)! — 29: beomgyu

synopsis — after stupidly claiming on stream that you’ve been dating popular youtuber choi beomgyu in secret after accidentally creating an identically looking sim, you beg him not to reveal your lie to the public when it goes viral. weirdly, he agrees and you two begin to fool the public. can your lie become the truth or will it eventually catch up with you?

prev / masterlist / next

warnings — swearing like twice? other than that: none!

(wc: ~1.8k) there are some sns inside the text! and it's all gyu's pov!

When he had wanted to meet up with Keeho, Beomgyu had expected that he’d show up alone. However, Yeonjun had strolled in with his hands in his pockets and a distant look in his eyes. The distance wasn’t just in his eyes, but also in how far he stood away from Beomgyu, an unsettling tension between them that made Beomgyu want to puke. He’d never been this awkward with his best friend, but given the circumstances, he understood why Yeonjun wouldn’t want to be near him.

“He only came because I asked him to,” Keeho had explained when Beomgyu had glanced at him in confusion. “He’s not here to talk to you or anything.”

“I mean it’s been six months,” Beomgyu had found himself arguing, but he hadn’t known why. “You can’t possibly still need more time. That’s stupid.”

“Well so is throwing away a years-long friendship over a girl who you weren’t even dating…” Yeonjun retorted under his breath, but loud enough to make Beomgyu keenly aware of his underlying remark. “But what do I know?” I can’t get mad. He’s right…

“Yeonjun, that’s not–”

“Let it go,” Keeho had cut in, tension evident in the air. “We’re here to talk, remember? Let’s just focus on that and everyone take a chill pill.”

So they had talked. It had been evident from the conversation that both parties missed each other. Keeho had even said out loud that he’d missed him, which made Beomgyu relieved. So at least one friendship had been fixed in a way, but Yeonjun had just stared at his phone the whole time, texting occasionally. Then, he’d excused himself and left, telling Keeho he needed to meet with someone. Who? None of Beomgyu’s business.

That’s what had led Beomgyu to his present condition: standing across from Keeho, who was packing up himself to leave. They’d both just run out of things to say to each other and Keeho had other plans for the rest of the day. Something about needing to stick to his tradition of “Self-care Saturday.” He’d started doing it a few months back, which is why Beomgyu didn’t know anything about it. Shit, he’d really missed so much, hadn’t he?

Then, Beomgyu’s phone notification went off, indicating he’d gotten a text.

“Beomgyu?” Keeho’s voice snapped him back to reality. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Are you okay?”

“Yeah!” He said too quickly, facepalming himself inwardly. “I mean, yeah. It’s just, YN finally texted me back and she wants to meet… To, you know? Talk.”

“Oh…” Keeho stood, dusting himself off. “Good luck.”

“Thanks, Keeho.”

“Don’t thank me yet. Let me know how it goes, okay?” 

And then Keeho was gone, leaving Beomgyu alone to his own devices. Just him and his thoughts. He thought about texting Taehyun and Jake to ask for advice, but… Taehyun was probably working and Jake was perhaps working too and– He needed to do this on his own. It was his last chance to make things right with you.

Beomgyu shook off his nerves and left, heading towards the meet-up point.

When he got there, he was surprised again. You were there, looking pretty as ever, wringing your hands like you were anxious. Were you anxious? You must’ve been because when you looked up at Beomgyu, he noticed your face go through almost 87 different expressions before it settled on a neutral almost bored looking one.

“Hey…” He offered, smiling softly at you.

“Hey.” You turned on your heel, starting to walk inside the restaurant. “Come on, I got us a table.”

Beomgyu watched you walk off, feeling slightly discouraged because of your reaction. Maybe this was a bad idea? You were clearly still upset with him, like Yeonjun. However, he shook it off and hurried after you. He followed you through the restaurant before you stopped and took a seat in a not-empty booth. Imagine Beomgyu’s shock when again, Yeonjun was there. Why is he here?!

And he had lied? Clearly, the “person” he needed to go see was you. Why couldn’t he have just said that? Beomgyu’s thoughts were reeling as he slid into the booth, opposite you and Yeonjun. Are they dating? Had his suspicions been right all along?

No. He told himself. You’re not obligated to know if they are or aren’t. She doesn’t belong to you, and even if she is dating Yeonjun, at least she’s happy.

“Beomgyu.” You snapped your fingers in his face, indicating that this hadn’t been the first time you’d called his name. “Is everything okay?”

“Mm yeah.” He forced a smile. “Sorry about that, I got lost in thought.”

“No worries,” You responded in kind, even though your eyes showed your skepticism. Beomgyu also didn’t miss the way you shifted closer to Yeonjun like you needed comfort. Why did you seem so nervous? “Let’s talk about the elephant in the room…”

“Ah, right.” He tried to regain his composure, nodding dumbly. “I really owe you an apology. For everything. The live stream, the jealousy, confusing you, and writing that letter. I should’ve just told you everything in person instead of leaving you high and dry… You deserve better than that.”

That stupid, stupid letter. He should’ve burned it after he’d written it.

He continued to pour his heart out, hoping that he was making sense, even through his mini rambles. He’d rehearsed what he was going to say almost a million times. but the more he spoke, the less rehearsed his words had become. He was genuinely speaking from his heart and soul, desperate for your approval and forgiveness.

After he was finally done ranting and raving, he leaned back and tried to catch his breath. You looked at him with a softness that he hadn’t seen from anyone in a while. Yeonjun was also looking at him, but not in softness– more like approval. Beomgyu was too busy trying to catch his breath to try and decipher why that was.

Then, you cleared your throat.

“Okay,” You shrugged your shoulders, leaving Beomgyu on edge. “I forgive you.

“What?” Beomgyu voiced out loud, more to himself than to you.

“I forgive you, Beomgyu. We both had faults of our own in the situation and you shouldn’t blame yourself for all of it. I’m sorry too, you know? I started the whole fake dating thing and I really should’ve been more responsible with my words and actions. We both should have. Everything just spun out of control too fast, I can’t blame you for how you reacted. In another world, I’d probably have done the same thing.

“It was toxic, for all of us. Hell, we’d barely even known each other for two months. But, I want to.”

“Huh?” Beomgyu was reduced to one-word responses due to trying to process every word that was coming out of your mouth. You weren’t mad at him?

“I want to get to know you! Try everything over. Cause, I really thought that I loved you back then and it hurt for so long thinking of all the what-ifs and stuff…I liked you so much it was crazy.”

“I liked you too-” Beomgyu tried to insert, but you kept talking.

“But I soon realized, I never knew you. It was just infatuation.” Beomgyu’s eyes stared into yours in confusion, “We’d never even gotten the chance with what was going on. But… I want to actually get to know you as a person and maybe try being friends?” You smiled gently, hand reaching across the table hesitantly.

Beomgyu’s heart sank. Friendship. You only wanted to be friends…

“Oh… Do you not want to–?” You started to pull your hand back, but Beomgyu took it, not wanting you to feel as rejected as he did at the moment.

“No, I do.” Your smile brightened up again at his enthusiasm, making his heart swoon slightly. “I want to be your friend too.”

Then, in a moment of courage, he whipped his head to the left to look straight into Yeonjun’s eyes. The motion basically gave all of you whiplash.

“You too! I want to be your friend again, Yeonjun.” Yeonjun’s eyes widened in shock. “I was an idiot and I was jealous and I blamed everything on you, but it’s not your fault! You’re my best friend and you’ve always been so good to me and I don’t know what I’d do without you and–”

“Breathe.” Yeonjun laughed, reaching across to grab Beomgyu’s other hand. “I believe you. You were an idiot, but you’re still my best friend Beomgyu…”

“Really?” Beomgyu could almost cry. “Thank you. Thank you…”

From there, Beomgyu continued to talk and clear the air on everything that was asked about him. Some questions made him embarrassed to think back on, but he had a massive smile on his face the whole time. He really hadn’t come thinking that he’d be forgiven, hell he thought you’d end up pouring a drink on him and leaving halfway through, but no! You really were super understanding like Jake had said. Finally, he’s right about something.

“Oh, crap! I have to go!” You suddenly interrupted, sliding out of the booth, Beomgyu watching your every move. “I’m meeting up with Felix for dinner.”

Oh yeah, your ex… Beomgyu’s smile faded slightly. Wait, dinner? Are you dating him or Yeonjun?

“Alright,” He tried not to let his disappointment show in his tone, but from the look Yeonjun gave him, it was clearly shown. But to fix it, he still offered a cheerful, “Have fun on your date.”

“It’s not a date!” You shook your head comically, “He wants me to meet the rest of his friends because I told him I feel like they don’t like me… Eh, that’s not important.”

You threw your arms around Yeonjun in a goodbye hug manner before doing the same to Beomgyu, to his surprise. As he and Yeonjun watched you leave, he couldn’t help but wish that you weren’t going to see Felix. You really had a grip on him.

“They’re not dating,” Yeonjun’s voice broke into Beomgyu’s thoughts. “Neither of us is dating her.”

“What?” Beomgyu turned to see Yeonjun smiling playfully at him.

“I know you like the back of my hand, man. I know you were thinking about it.”

Beomgyu saw no reason to lie,

“I was…” He lowered his head slightly, “But it doesn’t matter even if you guys were. I’m not entitled to her romantic life…”

“Hm.” Yeonjun didn’t respond to that, he just stared at Beomgyu for a while, like he was trying to figure something out. “You’ve changed.”

“What? In what way?”

“Well, you’re not biting my head off for still being close with her after all this time.”

“Ah…”

“It’s good to have you back Beomgyu.” Yeonjun slid out of the booth, standing up to reach his hand out to Beomgyu.

Beomgyu looked at his best friend in confusion.

“Come on,” Yeonjun said, “Let’s go catch up. You and me.”

Beomgyu had never stood up quicker in his life. 

a/n — and so everyone made up! what do you guys think? would you forgive beomgyu? i fear i would, i fold too easily. also!! one more chapter after this! are y’all ready for the big finale?

© GYUMIBEAR. do not repost, modify or translate my work onto other social media sites.  

[junkdrawernoggin]

Soooo I feel like people are going to want to praise this as like the best TV show that’s ever been made just because it has Markiplier, so I want to get my opinion out now. Spoilers ahead

Edge of Sleep (TV) is fucking terrible

I mean, I watched it because I want Mark to be successful, but holy shit. That was the worst TV show I have ever willingly watched.

The pilot is fucking atrocious. The writing was abysmal to the point of being embarrassed that the actors had to perform it.

Mark in the first episode…not good. Middle section was okay to good. Final episode was bananas but the acting was good.

Not a single human person has ever acted the way some of these characters act. There is not a planet where the character of Dave and the character of Matteo, as we see them for the rest of the show, would make the choice to randomly abandon their jobs. I have no idea what age the show thinks any of the characters are. They talk about the party at the beginning like they are a max of 25, but then the rest of the show makes them out to be in their 30s.

Thinking about anything that occurs for a single moment makes your head hurt. They are pictured to be in a pretty big city. Yet Linda says they have ONE hospital in 30 miles. Also thousands and thousands of people work night shift, so the idea that there are 5 survivors, 3 of whom know each other, is the wackiest shit of all time. They hype up the medication and then that comes to literally nothing but renewal bait, and I guarantee this will not be renewed even if it reaches no. 1

Everything that comes out of Dave/Mark’s mouth about the “elephant monster” and “dream people” is goofy as fuck (not his fault). They seriously couldn’t come up with a better name? Seriously?? Even just “The Elephant” would’ve been better. Why the fuck did they make them fly to an island 17 hours away??? First, a private jet that small would under no circumstance be able to do that flight without refueling. But like, WRITERS YOU CONTROL THE SCRIPT MY GUYS. If you are gonna make up a mystical island, have it be randomly off the west coast or something. I also can say with 100% certainty that Matteo being a veteran was added at the absolute last minute. It does not jive with literally anything else about his character. They only added it because they needed a reason someone would know how to fly a plane.

Just imagine trying to pitch this show!

“Hey Boss, great tv show concept for you. So this guy Dave, he has really bad nightmares. Everyone around him starts dying from going to sleep. So he goes to sleep to commune with the dream people and talk about the elephant man who’s haunting him. This leads him and 4 other survivors to take a private jet 17 hours away after 50 hours of not sleeping. After his psychic battle with the elephant monster, it’s revealed he’s a chosen one to fight in the battle against the nightmare monsters.”

HOW ON EARTH DID THIS GET GREENLIT??

My final negative note is everyone’s names. Dave, Ruth, Linda, Matteo, and Katie. It feels like they put in stock names and forgot to change them. I do not know a single person under the age of 40 who is a “Dave” or a “Ruth”, certainly not a “Linda.” It just soundsweird. Each name on its own is fine, but all together they sound very cookie cutter

Okay my couple of positives

I thought the dynamic between Katie and Dave was good. I wish Katie got more of a personality than recovering addict, but her actress, Lio Tipton, did a great job.

Eve Harlow as Linda was probably the standout of the film acting wise. She was pretty believable all things considered.

I thought some of the visuals were really cool, and the little pill mascot was well animated.

I wish I could give more praise to Mark but he got the REALLY short end of the stick when it came to the script. He was stuck with most of the clunky exposition. His physical acting was really fantastic and he should be proud of that. His acting ticks are great. If he didn’t have to deliver the script, his acting performance in here would be on par with Eve Harlow.

Edit: Adding a little note that I completely forgot this was a podcast first. I have never watched it but I will ASAP because I want to see if it’s any better.

[goodnightmemes]

MOCKINGJAY - PART TWO (2015) SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ My family hasn't come to see me. ❜

❛ You can't trust her! She's a monster! ❜

❛ I wanna help the rebels in any way I can. ❜

❛ That's not [name]. ❜

❛ I don't stand a chance if he doesn't get better. You'll never let him go. ❜

❛ That's like kissing someone who's drunk. Doesn't count. ❜

❛ I guess there are no rules anymore about what a person can do to another person. ❜

❛ We took heavy losses. ❜

❛ You think of it like a wolf den. You're not gonna fight your way in, so you've got two choices. You trap the wolves inside, or you flush 'em out. ❜

❛ There's gotta be a better way. ❜

❛ Even if those civilians are just moppin' floors, they're helping the enemy. And if they have to die, I can live with that. ❜

❛ With that kinda thinking, you can kill whoever you want. ❜

❛ Sometimes killing isn't personal. Figured if anyone knew that, it was you. ❜

❛ I, of all people, know that it's always personal. ❜

❛ Give me one reason I shouldn't shoot you. ❜

❛ I guess that's the problem, isn't it? We each have every reason to want to kill each other. So if you wanna kill me, do it. ❜

❛ I am done being a piece in his game. ❜

❛ These people are not your enemy. ❜

❛ He corrupts everyone and everything. He turns the best of us against each other. Stop killing for him. ❜

❛ You have a habit of burying people before they're dead. ❜

❛ We toasted a glorious era coming to its bitter end. ❜

❛ Oh, that speech you gave. Oh, man, feel - I mean, I still have goosebumps. ❜

❛ What about you? You feeling totally safe? ❜

❛ So what are your injuries? ❜

❛ I mean, it's everybody's job to keep you alive. ❜

❛ Is that why you hate me? ❜

❛ Feel free to take any of this personally. ❜

❛ They messed us up pretty good, didn't they? ❜

❛ He's strapped down. He can't hurt you. ❜

❛ It doesn't matter what you want. It's for [name]. ❜

❛ I watched you die. ❜

❛ I was never the nice one. You were. ❜

❛ Why would I take a beating like that for you? ❜

❛ [name] says that everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie. ❜

❛ People said you loved me. ❜

❛ We're very familiar with each other's screams. ❜

❛ I'm going to kill [name]. Nothing good is safe while he's alive. ❜

❛ He needs to see my eyes when I kill him. ❜

❛ Anybody can kill anybody. Even a president. You just have to be willing to sacrifice yourself. ❜

❛ This isn't just adolescent, it's insubordination. ❜

❛ From what I see here, we've already made history. But history doesn't stop to celebrate. And we're facing an enemy that will not change and will never surrender.❜

❛ If we die, let it be for a cause and not a spectacle. ❜

❛ I know when you're gonna go off on your own. You gonna leave me behind, too? ❜

❛ You'll do whatever you're ordered to do, soldier. It's not your job to ask questions.❜

❛ In the event of capture, you'll be given a nightlock pill. A poison that acts immediately. ❜

❛ If it really came down to it, you think you could shoot him? ❜

❛ I'm plannin' for you to have a long life. ❜

❛ I've seen that look. You're trying to decide whether or not you should kill me. ❜

❛ I'm sorry. I just can't tell what's real and what's made up anymore. ❜

❛ This is a bad spot. We need to move now. ❜

❛ So now that we're dead, what are we gonna do? ❜

❛ It's only a matter of time before I snap again. I'm not in control. ❜

❛ If it gets to that point, I'll kill you myself. ❜

❛ Nobody knows we're alive. This is our chance. ❜

❛ Look at me. We're gonna get through this. I promise. ❜

❛ You're still trying to protect me. Real or not real? ❜

❛ That's what you and I do. Keep each other alive. ❜

❛ Stay with me. ❜

❛ Everyone that's dead is dead because of me. ❜

❛ I never meant for this to happen. I failed. I... I killed them. ❜

❛ If you end all of this, all those deaths, they mean something. ❜

❛ I have moments when I'm here. And my memories are getting better, but other times it's like I'm sleepwalking. ❜

❛ We got one shot. Let's make it count. ❜

❛ Let me come with you, okay? I can be a good distraction. ❜

❛ If I see you again, it's gonna be a different world. ❜

❛ I was hoping you'd find your way here. There are so many things we should discuss. ❜

❛ We both know I'm not above killing children. But I'm not wasteful. I take life for specific reasons. ❜

❛ I'm afraid we've both been played for fools. ❜

❛ Oh, my dear. I thought we'd agreed never to lie to each other. ❜

❛ You never came to see me. ❜

❛ All I know is that I was supposed to take care of your family. Now I'm sorry I couldn't. ❜

❛ Thirst for blood is a difficult urge to satisfy. ❜

❛ We need to stop viewing each other as enemies. ❜

❛ I'll say this for you, you don't disappoint. ❜

❛ You were exactly who I believed you were. ❜

❛ I'm sorry so much burden fell on you. I know you'll never escape it. But if I had to put you through it again for this outcome, I would. ❜

❛ I couldn't let you go without a proper goodbye. ❜

❛ We've all suffered so much. But we owe it to their memories and to our children to do our best with these lives. ❜

❛ You love me. Real or not real? ❜

[lilac-hecox]

Omg so excited ur writing prompts again I literally love everything you write ❤️

I’d love a fluffy ass one of Ian and Anthony where Ian gets sick and clingy. Just love sick fics.

Ian/Anthony - Sick Fic

--

Ian sniffles and tugs the blanket further up his body, leaving it just under his chin. He’s alternating between too hot and too cold, but right now he’s cold, his body shivering on his couch even with the cozy blanket.

He’d caught a stupid cold and usually his immune system is a little stronger, but this one is kicking Ian’s ass to the point that he stayed home from the office today. There’s a history documentary playing on YouTube and Ian has his eyes closed as he half-heartedly listens to the video, it’s just background noise at this point, something to try and help to lull him to sleep. 

Ian might doze off. He’s not sure for how long, but he rouses when he hears the jangle of keys turning in the front door of his home. The list of people who have a spare key to his place is small and so Ian has a feeling he knows exactly who it is. 

There are footsteps and the rustling of a paper bag, and Ian can hear those footsteps getting closer and closer to where he’s resting. Then they stop and there is a quiet stillness before Ian hears a familiar voice. 

“Ian? You awake, buddy?” 

“Yeah,” Ian says from his spot on the couch. His throat feels sore even with the one word he spoke. 

Then Anthony rounds the back of the couch and comes into focus. He’s got a mask on - probably because they can’t afford for him to get sick as well and Ale and Kiana would kill them- but his eyes are the same warm and affectionate brown that Ian’s always known. 

He’s sick and maybe that’s the reason that Ian feels extra happy to see Anthony. 

“How you feeling?” Anthony asks, leaning in and pressing the back of his hand to Ian’s damp forehead. 

“You shouldn’t touch me,” Ian says, “you’ll get sick.” and if he sounds just a tad more pathetic than he might otherwise, well, that’s his business. 

“I assumed the risks the moment I stepped in the door,” Anthony says. “Are you hungry? I brought you soup.” 

Ian opens his mouth but Anthony must sense the question because he barrels on. 

“It’s that good kind you like, the fancy one.” 

Ian smiles despite feeling so ill. God, he’s happy to see Anthony. 

“I got you popsicles too. I remember you used to eat them when you didn’t feel good as a kid.” 

Damn Anthony and his steel-trap memory. 

Ian sits himself up, tugging his blanket to wrap around his shoulders like a makeshift cape. 

“A popsicle sounds good.” 

Anthony nods and pads into the kitchen, Ian trailing along. 

Anthony digs into the freezer and produces the bright yellow popsicle box, popping open the sealed edge. 

Ian doesn’t have to tell him which color he wants. He watches as Anthony digs around for a red popsicle and hands it over to Ian. 

Ian takes the popsicle and sits at the stool at the island of his kitchen. Anthony turns to the paper bag and starts putting the cans of soup he bought away. 

“How was the office?” Ian asks, wrapped in his blanket and sucking at his popsicle. 

“Fine, everyone says hi,” Anthony says as he closes the cupboard and turns to face Ian. He smiles, which Ian can manage to see through the mask. “If I’m honest. It was boring as hell without you.” 

Ian smiles and he feels a little blip of affection pulse through him. 

“I’ll be back soon.” 

“I know,” Anthony says. “It’s just weird without you.” 

“Your turn to be a single parent,” Ian teases. 

Anthony laughs, “Okay, fair.” 

Anthony turns back to the bag and pulls out some medicine, setting it on the island in front of Ian. 

“I got you a couple different things. A syrup and a pill form, and some cough drops.” 

“Thanks,” Ian says. 

He pictures Anthony at the grocery store close to the office, walking through the aisles and picking out what he thought Ian might want or need. It makes his chest feel warm. That Anthony thought about him. That Anthony cares about him enough to come over, to bring soup, to bring medicine. 

“Of course,” Anthony says, “you’re my best friend, Ian.” 

Ian is quickly realizing he’s a sap when he’s sick and the words hit him harder than they might have otherwise. Anthony is his best friend. Anthony cares about him. Ian is glad for that. 

“For real,” Ian says again, “Thank you for taking care of me.” 

Ian knows he sound sickeningly sincere and if he weren’t sick he might be blushing. 

Anthony, he smiles, and Ian can see where the edges of his eyes get all misty. 

“Now I know you’re sick because you’re being really sweet.” 

“Shut up,” Ian whines. He has a tendency to be ‘baby girl’ as Erin likes to put it, around Anthony, and being sick only makes Ian want to slide into that role even further. 

He likes Anthony taking care of him, bringing him soup, smiling at him. 

“So,” Anthony says, “what were you watching?” 

Ian shrugs as he finishes off his popsicle, his mouth tasting of artificial cherries and childhood. 

“Just some history thing.” 

Ian slides off his stool and uses his foot to press down on the lever of his trash can, opening the lid up and tossing the stick inside. 

Anthony stretches and Ian thinks maybe he’ll decide to leave. After all, his job here is done for the most part. Ian is surprised at himself that he doesn’t want Anthony to go. 

“Sounds cool, let’s go watch it.” 

Then Anthony leads Ian into the living room and Ian settles on the couch, tugging his blanket back over him. Anthony sits in a recliner off to the side, a safe distance from Ian. 

Ian is comfortable, happy, as he chooses a brand new documentary to watch so Anthony can get the gist from the beginning. Anthony happily interjects his thoughts as they watch. Ian still feels like crap, but with Anthony over, the illness is a little more manageable.

[nowoyas]

Koi no Yokan 20: sleep it off (nishinoya yuu/reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: speedposting this before work let me know if anything's broke

Summary: The biggest training camp of the year kicks off with five hours on a bus and a headache.

Warnings and tags: blanket series warnings

Words: 3700+

Fuck the Nishinoya family, honestly.

Fuck 'em for being so kind. Fuck 'em for the gifts, the cake, the way they welcomed you with open arms over the past two weeks. Fuck 'em for the soft hugs, the birthday card they'd presented you with, the way Rina had made you schedule a day to come over for dinner and immediately written it on the whiteboard calendar in the kitchen, outlined with a little doodle of fireworks like it was a happy event.

Fuck Rina for being so motherly. Fuck Jii-chan for the proud smile when you called him Jii-chan to his face. Fuck Mei for the cake, fuck Satsuki for telling everyone about your birthday, fuck Kaede for the hair stuff, way too expensive for you to have ever bought on your own even just to try, and fuck Soba for—no, scratch that, you could never be mad at Soba—but fuck Noya for the gentle, persistent comfort, for the effortless way he explains away the tears in the corners of your eyes when you make it to the school just before one in the morning. (Oh, she's just sleepy. She's been keeping, like, a 7pm bedtime most nights. I almost had to carry her here, you know?)

Also fuck whoever looked at Noya's totally innocent grin and actually gave him permission to sit with you on the bus ride up to Tokyo when he asked.

While you're at it, fuck you for cuddling right up to him and melting into the scent of his shampoo, and most of all, fuck the sunlight for waking you up as you near Saitama, where this week's camp is located. It's too bright, your head hurts, and you have no choice but to bury your face into the soft cotton of your volunteer pillow to block out the light.

He shifts at your movement, and you let out a groan. "What time is it?"

A soft laugh, laced with sleep. "Time to wake up. We're almost there, I think."

You let out a pained whine. "I'm not doin' anything until you flag Sensei down and ask him if I can have some of my painkillers."

"That bad already?" he coos sympathetically. "Are you gonna be alright?"

"Yeah. I think it's just dehydration." You'd cried a lot last night before you had to leave. You're pretty sure this is what a hangover is like. You should see if Mei or Kaede can get you some supplies to test that theory.

A clearing of a throat at the front of the bus. "Alright, we're going to be at Shinzen soon. Those of you who are awake, please take this time to wake up the others! After your things are brought to your rooms, we'll be joining everyone for breakfast, then warmups."

When he's done making his announcement, you feel Noya shift. "Sensei, can [name]-san get some painkillers? She woke up with a headache. She says it's probably dehydration, but the light's bugging her."

"Ah, sure! Shimizu, can you pass this back? Do you two have any water?"

You blindly reach for the bottle, finding it pressed uncomfortably between your hip and the wall of the bus. You shake it at Noya wordlessly.

"We've got some."

You manage to open one eye just in time to see Shimizu turn around in her seat, one row in front of you. She passes the bottle of painkillers over the seat, and Noya takes it with a nod. "We're supposed to help with serving meals," she says, nodding to you. "If you're not feeling up to it, we can make you a meal and let you go until you've rested."

"I'll be okay," you mumble. "The pills should kick in by then."

"If you're sure, but don't push yourself. Do you need help carrying your things upstairs?"

"No," you reply at the same time that Noya says, "yes."

You roll your eyes. "It's fine—"

"Your bag is heavier than it was when you asked me for help carrying it before," he points out. "And you weren't experiencing capital-S Symptoms then, either."

There's a shout from the back of the bus—Hinata is now awake and has just seen his first-ever transmission tower, apparently—that has you cringing and whining pathetically into Noya's chest, tears beading in the corners of your eyes.

He brings a hand up to cover your exposed ear, muffle the sound just a bit. "See? C'mon, let's get those painkillers in you."

You screw your eyes shut, toss your head back with the two pills he's placed in your hand. Choke down the pills and gag on the taste, even when washing it down with a massive swig of water. When you've recovered, you glance back at Shimizu. "I guess I could probably use the help, if it's not too much trouble."

"Of course. I'll help you bring your stuff upstairs. Do you think you can handle the stairs right now?"

"I can handle stairs," you grumble.

There's soft laughter rumbling beneath your ear. "She'll be a lot nicer once the pain meds kick in, I promise. Can you pass this back up to Sensei?"

There's a shuffling, and you sip your water, and you wait for the painkillers to kick in. On your way upstairs with the girls, you listen silently as Shimizu tells the other managers about your situation, and you don't even protest when she rattles off a rough list of things they're supposed to stop you from doing if they catch you.

You just have to not let them catch you.

~

Damn it all, you make it through helping serve everyone at breakfast, and with great determination, you even manage to convince everyone that you can at least make it to lunch before you have to take a nap and sleep off the headache. The painkillers are a huge help in this—they soothe you just enough to get everyone to let you sit in the gym and watch as the training camp kicks off in full swing. Takeda had demanded you sit in a chair, but at least you're allowed to be there at all.

In contrast to the previous training camp, Shinzen's training camp has the losing team take a penalty run up the hill outside the gym, a feat which you're not sure you could stand even without the concussion. You have the odd sense that the boys are going to be doing it a lot this week.

With Shimizu on one side of you and Coach Ukai standing on the other to protect you from any strays, you settle in to watch the first set of the day. The boys are up against Fukurodani, that school with the loud ace, and Hinata and Kageyama are back on the same side of the net again.

"I haven't been around as much because of my head," you mutter as you watch them take their places. "Have they played together at all since they started fighting?"

Coach Ukai shakes his head. "I'd been giving them the chance to work on their own stuff without getting at each other's throats, but I figure a few weeks is probably enough time. We'll see how they do today."

You nod. "I'm pretty sure I can guilt them into knocking it off if they start fighting again. You know, all things considered."

He laughs. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

The set begins. You set about taking notes as they kick off—the team composition for each set, compared against how they actually do. Shimizu's taking the real stats, so you can basically do what you want, at any rate. Fukurodani serves, Noya moves, and the ball goes right to Kageyama as always. For half a second, it's like nothing's changed—a clean receive, Hinata swooping in to spike, Kageyama already ready for him.

And then the ball hits the floor.

You bite back a laugh as Hinata lands, back of his head to you as he stares at Kageyama. Kageyama, for his part, looks reasonably embarrassed, cheeks flushed as he avoids eye contact.

They regroup. Another serve from Fukurodani, another clean receive. In the margins, you start a tally for points lost to mistakes, and you make your first mark in the column just as the next toss sails straight past Hinata. You prepare for the second mark, but then Hinata moves—calm, collected, his left hand coming up to bump the ball just barely over the net. He lands firmly on his ass, staring up at Kageyama, who stares right back at him.

"He would have panicked before," Shimizu comments with wide eyes.

You nod.

They've both changed a lot over the past few weeks, but it isn't just Hinata and Kageyama. Though it goes out, Azumane blasts out a pretty strong jump serve, clicks his tongue in frustration when the ref's whistle blows. Your margin tallies overtake the page quickly—Suga setting with the wrong timing during the synchronized attack, Yamaguchi's jump float not quite floating, Noya jumping too far for the jump set.

When he glares at you heatlessly, cheeks red, at the sound of your mostly-stifled laugh, you raise up both hands in a show of innocence. "I didn't say anything!" you mouth to him with a wry little smile. He rolls his eyes, and both of you turn back to your own roles.

It's just a touch embarrassing to watch them screw up repeatedly, and your rage pricks up at hearing a coach from another team quietly comment on how wonderfully out-of-sync they are (they're your guys to tease about screw-ups!), but you keep your tallies and keep your mouth shut.

He won't be laughing when it all comes together. He won't be laughing then at all.

~

You make it a whole hour after lunch just fine. As expected, the guys are losing repeatedly, but at least it's less "getting their asses handed to them" and more "valiantly struggling", compared to last time. It seems very valiant when you watch them run up the hill, shouting at the top of their lungs, anyway.

"At least they're keeping their spirits up," Yachi notes with a sigh.

"I don't know how they do it." You let out a sigh of your own, shaking the last of the prepared bottles. "The yelling or the running. It's like they're a whole different breed."

You really wish they'd stop yelling, actually. The painkillers are starting to wear off, and you can definitely tell. Half of you almost wants to go up to the room and take a nap, but the other half of you categorically refuses to be a child who needs a regular naptime, and that half is much, much louder.

So you grit your teeth. You pass out water bottles and hope your smile looks natural. You avoid Noya a little bit because you know that he's started figuring out what it looks like when you're pretending your head doesn't hurt, and you subtly point Shimizu in his direction so you can get distracted with someone else before he can monopolize you.

"How're you feeling?" you ask Hinata as he accepts a water bottle from you. "You sound like you've still got energy."

He catches his breath, nods his thanks. "I can keep going. Kageyama's acting weird, though."

You tilt your head. "Do you mean the new set? He's been working on it since you guys got in that fight, I think. You're different, yourself, though."

"You think so?" he lets out a nervous laugh, cheeks turning a little pink. "Well, I've been practicing really hard at Old Coach Ukai's place. Is it actually noticeable?"

"Definitely. Once everyone starts coming together and locking in, you guys are gonna do great."

"T-thank you!" He bows.

You wave it off with a nervous laugh of your own. "You don't need to make such a big deal of it. All I can really do is observe, so I'm observing, that's all."

"Ah! Speaking of that…" He straightens up, peers at you. "You look really pale today. Is your head bothering you?"

Shit. Fuck. Goddammit.

"My head's fine!" Stop pitching your voice, dumbass. "It's probably just the painkillers wearing off."

"Hmm, if your painkillers are wearing off, aren't you supposed to go rest or something? It's not good to push yourself while you're still recovering." He actually pouts at you. Fucker.

"Come on, Hinata, you gotta be on my side here—"

"She is supposed to go rest," Noya says from behind you.

You jolt. Drop your shoulders. Sigh. "I'm not getting out of this, am I?"

"Nope. Go try to sleep."

"You're the worst."

"And you're concussed. Go."

No amount of arguing gets you anywhere. Not with Noya, though you appreciate his pout as he demands you take care of yourself.³⁴ You wave them off as they return inside for the next set and find your way back to the girls' room for a nap.

~

There is a level of ballsy required of any man to traverse the expanse of the cafeteria at dinner and walk right up to the managers' table without issue, and maybe if it had been anyone but Yuu, it would have been a level beyond him. At least, he gets that impression from the eyes on his back as he approaches the girls. They sit at a whole separate table, one of the only rounded tables in the room, chatting and smiling as though the sole source of light in the entire camp.

The girls fall quiet as he walks up, a hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Kiyoko-san, Yachi-san. Has [name]-san come down at all since she went upstairs to nap?"

They share a look. "She hasn't, no."

He sighs. "Figures. Do you think the teachers will be mad if I bring some food up to her?"

Kiyoko hums. "They probably won't be mad about bringing her food, given the situation, but you being alone with her in the girls' room is a little…"

"Could someone come with me, then? Her concussion naps will go until morning if I just let her sleep, and she needs to eat."

One of the managers from another school—the cute one with the black pigtails and the Ubugawa shirt—raises her hand. "I don't mind grabbing a serving from the kitchen for her and chaperoning."

Shimizu flashes her an angelic smile. "Are you sure, Miyanoshita-san?³⁵ It'd be a big help."

"Yeah, it's no issue! I'm done eating, anyway."

He bows slightly. "Thank you! I really appreciate this!"

She gets up, waves to the other managers, and wanders into the kitchen with him.

~

Eri guides him up to the girls' room without complaint. She's not really sure what to say to this Nishinoya guy—she vaguely remembers him as Karasuno's libero, pretty good, pretty loud—but he seems happy to lead the conversation if she'll just lead the way.

"Miyanoshita-san, right?" he asks as they round the staircase onto the third floor. "Thanks again for this. She can be a little grumpy when she wakes up, so sorry if she's a little rude."

She laughs. "No, don't worry about it! I totally get it. Are you close with [name]-chan?"

The guy laughs back, smiles fondly. "Yeah. She's been staying at my place since she got hurt. I've been taking alright care of her, I think."

"I'm a little jealous," she admits. "It must be nice to have someone like that around. I'm sure she appreciates it."

His eyes are somewhere else when she pauses at the doorway. "Yeah, I think she does."

He takes the plate and slips inside, beelines towards the one occupied futon that you've dragged into the darkest possible corner of the room. She waits by the doorway, takes a moment to check her phone while he shakes you awake.

"Hey there," he says, voice low and soft.

This is… fundamentally a different guy from the libero she watched playing against Ubugawa earlier. He'd gone from shouty and bouncy to this: resting on his knees and stifling a laugh at your sleepy whining. She really is a little jealous.

"S'npai?" you mumble.

"Yeah. Hey there, Sleeping Beauty. Time to get up."

She eyes the scene with amusement, taps out a text to the Fukurodani Group Managers group chat—they should really get you, Hitoka, and Shimizu in on it before the camp is over—as what little of your face was visible disappears under the blanket.

Eri to Fukurodani Group Managers!!! at 19:35

Eri: [name]-chan's bf is ADORABLE with her omg

Eri: currently watching him wake her up by petting her like a cat

"C'mon, [name]-san. You've slept for like… four or five hours. You gotta eat something."

Another whine. "It's like you don't even like me."

"Complain all you want, but I'm gonna get real annoying if you don't eat something. You don't even have to do anything but sit up and chew. I'll feed you."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't."

…he's pretty much forgotten she's here, hasn't he?

Eri: he just offered to hand-feed her dinner if she'll just sit up

Yukie: oh my god I'm so jealous

Yukie: where is MY doting bf who will hand-feed me my dinner and stroke my hair wtf

Eri: he said she's been staying with him since her concussion and he's been taking care of her this whole time

She glances up. Nishinoya's managed to get you to sit up, which looks a lot like you immediately pressing into his side, eyes still closed but muttering complaints as you rest your head on his shoulder. "You're the one who made me go nap."

"You needed it, or you wouldn't have slept so long. Come on, open."

Eri: doting libero bf now hand-feeding her while she rests her head on his shoulder

Mako: SHIMIZU-SAN AND YACCHAN SAID THEY'RE NOT ACTUALLY DATING???

Eri: WHAT

Eri: are they ABSOLUTELY SURE???

Eri: they're like. Full on cuddling right now. She's got her arms around him and everything

Eri: he saw her and immediately forgot I was here

Eri: he's now playing with her hair and talking too softly to her for me to hear

Mako has added Shimizu and Yachi to Fukurodani Group Managers!!!

Shimizu: they really aren't dating

Shimizu: but he has proposed to her a few times

Eri: …a few???

Yachi: more than a hundred, I think? They have a bet

She watches incredulously as Nishinoya raises a bite of food to your lips, as you turn your face into your shoulder as you chew.

He laughs. "Marry me."

"Eight hundred eighty-nine," you mumble into his shoulder.

Eri: what's the bet? He just proposed again and she said 889

Shimizu: she'll actually marry him if he proposes 889 more times

Yachi: if he proposes 1000 times total she'll marry him

Eri: so they're ENGAGED???

Shimizu: no, as far as I can tell they're just friends outside of the proposal thing

Eri: …there's no way

She watches in disbelief as he continues to feed you, until you've eaten your dinner without lifting a finger. "Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Marry me, and sure."

"Ask me another 888 times and I will."

He laughs softly. "You're gonna be awake for a while at that rate. Sure you don't want to lower the quota for me?"

"If you don't lemme sleep I'm gonna raise the quota."

"I'd love to let you sleep, but you probably wanna actually get up and, like, shower and get ready for real bed first."

"But if I move it's gonna take forever to fall asleep again," you pout. "I don't have my cuddle buddy up here."

"Aw, is it hard to sleep without me?" he teases. "I can let you borrow my jacket to sleep better."

"I mean Soba, you ass."

"Really? You haven't been falling asleep with Soba recently."

Eri: THEY HAVE SLEPT IN THE SAME BED AT LEAST ONCE. ARE YOU SURE THEY ARE NOT DATING

Shimizu: …they did seem to get a lot closer after the concussion…

Yachi: she would have said something, right???

Shimizu: nishinoya would have told the entire team and also everyone at this camp if they had made it official

Shimizu: he probably would have ended up on the news somehow

She stifles a laugh. It's about that moment that both you and your boyfriend-not-boyfriend seem to remember/realize she's there, and you fully freeze, staring at her with a deer-in-headlights look.

"Oh. Hi," you say, voice pitching a bit higher than normal. "Miyanoshita-san. Have you been there this whole time?"

She waves with a sheepish smile. "I'm chaperoning. Shimizu-san said it might not be good if he were caught alone with you in the girls' room, even if there is a really good reason for it. You can ignore me."

"N-no, uh, I should probably get up and shower and stuff anyway."

"Thanks again, Miyanoshita-san!" Nishinoya grins, blinding. He looks back to you, his edges softened. "Are you going to be good to do everything you need to, or are you dizzy again?"

"I'm fine," you grumble. "I slept the headache off."

"Alright, then I'll take this back to the cafeteria before it closes."

"'Kay. G'night, Senpai."

Eri to Fukurodani Group Managers!!! at 20:32

Eri: I think I need them to get married actually

~

Freshly-washed, still exhausted, and determined to go back to sleep though you are, you slump into your futon that night with all the grace of a sack of flour. Before you can settle in, you shift uncomfortably—there's the press of a zipper into your side where you lay. You wriggle the offending jacket out from underneath you, and—oh goddammit. You recognize the smell of that cologne.

[name] to Noya at 21:01

[name]: oh you are NOT slick mister

[name]: take your stupid jacket back!!!

Noya: gee it's too bad I'm already on the guys' floor for the night and we're thirty minutes to lights out

Noya: if one of us were caught on the wrong floor this late we'd probably get in a ton of trouble with the teachers

Noya: I guess you'll just have to give it back to me tomorrow

[name]: >:(

[name]: fine, but you owe me a soba

Noya: [image attached. Image description: Noya laying down in bed, your head resting on his chest. Soba has wriggled her way underneath the arm you've slung over Noya's torso, and Noya's face is half-buried in your hair.]

Noya: sweet dreams :)

…his jacket is softer than yours, better worn-in, and smells nicer. You wouldn't know, though. It's not like you cuddled it to sleep or anything.

Footnotes

34. I think about pouty, grumpy Noya in s2e13 a lot.

35. Miyanoshita is actually the only manager who Shimizu refers to by name outside of Karasuno, in s2e11 around ten minutes in. I've used this one line as the template for All Shimizu inter-school manager interactions.

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @kazunish

[catastrofriend]

Title: in over our heads Fandom: fallen hero Characters: Leigh Bennett (sidestep), Ricardo Ortega Words: 833 Notes: for years now, I’ve had this headcanon that is probably not rooted in canon at all but it is all but rooted into my brain that Ortega has panic attacks. They probably have had them on and off for years, in my head, since after heartbreak. Maybe they got better over time but now with everything with sidestep being back but the threat of losing them again and then them getting hurt, has just made it all so much worse again. Anyway, that shit means a lot to me. And it comes back in a lot of my writing. Like this one. AO3: here

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Recovery makes for long days. Boring days. You’ve been stuck in your own head too long and you’re painfully aware how you hate being there even in the best of times. It makes you wonder even more about his.

Ortega’s mind is the only one you can never see a glimpse of. You used to think he was an open book, he’d tell you everything, he was so forward and genuine you couldn’t imagine him keeping secrets. You were so stupid. Even a few months ago, he was fucking playing you. You thought you had him, but you really had no idea.

But at least back then he’d tell you something. Even if it was the smallest kernel, obfuscated by lies and misdirection and all the things you should have noticed, at least he was sharing something. These days he barely even talks to you anymore. Not about things that matter. You’ve tried arguing with him about it, asked him, confronted him directly about the lack of trust, even though he has no reason—that he knows of (probably)—to mistrust you. He keeps saying it won’t help you getting better to get all worked up. To take the time to rest, sort your head out a bit. He says you need it. He’s still an idiot like that.

It itches at you, not knowing what’s going on with him, the Rangers, the city. Hollow Ground. You keep up with the news but fuck knows that’s all bullshit, and most media barely glance over the things that really matter. And you know things are happening. They have to be. Life was put on hold for you, but not for everyone else. You know Ortega wasn’t cleared to go back to work when he did, and he’s trying to hide it, but you know better now, he’s exhausted. He’s pushing his limits and he’s not talking to you about it. Probably not talking to anyone. Very likely not even allowing himself to think about it.

See, you have figured some things out about him since you’ve been stuck here. You’ve wondered several times if his head is a worse place than yours to be in right now. It might be. He’s been unable to hide the sour moods, the tension, the anger he usually obfuscates by deflection and distraction. You’ve started pretending to fall for it again because asking him about it just made it worse. The first time he snapped at you about how fine he was left you shaking and with your back pressed against the wall for safety. He apologized later. And distracted you, put his tongue to good use. What you really wanted was an explanation, though, and he never did give that. But you’ve decided to let it slide, like so many other things. Like the pills he keeps behind lock and key (scared you’ll use them for other ends? Or does he simply not want you to know?). Like the nights he disappears to go for a drive or whatever he does, or the ones where he doesn’t come home at all. Like the panic attacks he tries to hide.

Okay, the last one is pure conjecture on your part, you still don’t have anything solidly pointing towards it, but it feels likely. You picked the lock on the cabinet he keeps his meds in (and every other lock in the apartment, besides), and you know what those are for. Sometimes he goes into the bathroom and turns on the shower but doesn’t use it (again, you’ve checked. No new laundry, no used towels) and you used to think maybe he wanted a private phone call but then you saw he didn’t take his phone. Maybe he wanted some privacy to crank one out but he’s been very open (and inviting) about that. (You’ve accepted the invitation to help once or twice). You’ve considered trying to catch him at it, but decided it would be inconsiderate and very unhelpful for either of you. You do know from experience that sometimes you need to break and you need to do it without anyone bothering you and trying to be helpful. So you let it slide and you think (hope) that he will talk to you when he’s ready and not after it’s gone too far. Despite his track record. And your own track record.

And now you’re here. Feeling more than watching him sleep, and thinking about the state of his head. He’s all gentle slopes and soft pressure against you now, and you like to think at least tonight you’ve helped him and not made it worse. It didn’t take much. Order takeout so he didn’t feel he had to cook after being home early for once. Let him close. Don’t talk too much, don’t ask questions. Claim you’re tired and insist he join you when you go to bed (lie awake restless and bored). Feel that little bit of your life, and your heart, slot into place.

[a-moment-captured]

I can’t stop thinking about Jack almost desperate for the pussy. He can’t stop thinking about it, needs it on his face and needs it fucking right now. He craves it, the taste is intoxicating to him, and he gets off on the noises you make. He gets drunk on it really. Wants you to soak his face, get him soaked and then have it all creamy when you cum, he would probably cum if you squirted on his face. He just loves making you cum multiple times on his face, having you gripping his hair and way past the point of being able to use words. He just wants, he wants it so bad. Just wants to eat you forever, his favorite taste in the world if he’s being honest. He just loves his girls pussy so bad.

And ofc he wants it on his dick too, loves how wet warm and silky you feel, how you grip him so tight and can feel your pussy throbbing and clenching around him. He’s so audible at this point, he couldn’t even try to be quiet even if he had too. Feeling your sweet pussy dripping onto him while clenching him as he fucks you raw, he’s feels so fucking good. But even then his priority would be making you cum on his cock, he loves being able to make you cum on just his dick alone, without touching your clit. Loves how desperate you get for his touch but also how you just keep begging to it and to please not stop daddy/sir please. (I prefer daddy but to each their own 😌). He feels so possessive over you in that moment, cause you’re begging for him and clenching him so tight. You def cum at least twice before he cums, (after you cum multiple times on his face) but he drags it out and teases you with the tip, gives you nasty kisses then pulls away, probably edges you a bit too, and by then you’re so fucked out, are cockdrunk and can hardly speak with the exception of daddy/sir please and don’t stop please don’t stop. And you had both discussed it previously, when you get to this point, what you’re okay with him doing.

He’s still just in complete bliss cause your pussy is just so fucking good, he can’t even believe this is real and actually happening because he feels so good. And after you’ve cum you’re probably so wet he’s soaked too along with the sheets and he can’t fight the urge for just another taste. Just a little taste he tells you. But when he’s done he’s so hard, his cock angry red and dripping precum everywhere (that he probably feeds to you and has you lick it off his fingers), he just can’t take it anymore.

So he holds you down with one hand and towers over top of you. You’re completely pinned under him, couldn’t move an inch. Have no choice but to lay there and just take what he’s giving you.

He fucks you so hard and deep, feels your pussy completely clench and lock down around him and he’s done for. Can’t help the load moans and other noises he’s making because he’s almost out of it too, in complete bliss.

And it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together and how often this happens, when you let him fuck u raw and fill u up he can’t handle how it makes him feel. Makes him feel so dominate over you, almost like a power trip. Just wants you to be his.

Also feel like he’s the type of guy that can’t stop fucking you even after he’s cum, cause it’s so good, to the point he’s hard and ends up cumming again. He just loves his pussy so fucking much he will never be able to get enough.

and even tho ur still on the pill or whatever he still can’t help but touch your tummy after he cums in you and imagine you carrying his child. it’s a possessive sort of feeling, he just wants to claim you as his so everyone knows.

But after he would be so sweet and bring you some juice and a snack, help clean you up and change the sheets or maybe even help u into a bath to take together. you can both feel the bond between you strengthening in real time at that moment, and how you just want to be so so so close to each other, don’t want anything but each other. will never be close enough to each other.

after the bath he’ll have you pulled tight to him, arms wrapped around u, face right by his so he can give you little pecks and forehead kisses. Telling you how you’re such a good girl for him, did so well, he’s so proud.

This got unexpectedly soft but the main point is: he has needs, and pussy is his number one. needs to watch it drip as you get all messy, also needs to be able to touch it, smell it, taste it. he’s probably cum just thinking about it on a few lonely nights on tour. doesn’t even need a picture anything just thinking about it is enough for him. 💋

💋 anon, you have outdone yourself once again! Please never stop sending these to me!

I swear I feel like we are sharing a brain because you legit described everything I think! Especially this one:

“Also feel like he’s the type of guy that can’t stop fucking you even after he’s cum, cause it’s so good, to the point he’s hard and ends up cumming again.”

[cookies-over-yonder]

home

Young adult Lincoln Li-Wilson gets a call in the middle of the night from a friend he hasn't talked to in years: Taylor Swift.

ao3

please heed the warnings in the tags. thank you! <3

Link stares at his phone.

His phone with an incoming call from a friend he hasn’t properly spoken to in at least three years.

Taylor Swift.

He swipes to answer, hand shaking.

They didn’t have a falling out, just… drifted.

But to be frank, Link misses him constantly.

“Taylor?”

“Link?”

“Yeah, it’s me… uh… what’s up?”

“Can—um—can you come over?”

What.

Link hasn’t even seen Taylor since graduation.

Why would Taylor want him to come over right now?

It couldn’t be for a hook-up either—Taylor knows he’s ace.

But then he hears unsteady breathing on the other end.

“Is everything okay?”

“Um—I—”

Link hears a sob. His stomach drops.

“No. I—I need help… I didn’t know who to call. Sorry—I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”

“It’s okay, Taylor, just breathe.”

He doesn’t follow that instruction, because Link hears more sobs and gasps.

“Okay. Listen to me, Taylor. Text me your address. I’ll be there soon.”

“Mmkay… my back door is unlocked.”

“That seems unsafe.”

“I know. Anyway I—I’m in the… the bathroom. You’ll see it when you walk in.”

“Okay, I’m coming, just keep breathing.”

“I’m trying.”

Link gets Taylor’s address and drives over right away.

The backdoor is unlocked, and Link locks it once he’s inside.

This place is big .

It’s a condo on the bottom floor of the building, and it looks expensive .

Link isn’t surprised.

He finds the bathroom easily, and knocks before turning the knob and opening the door.

“Holy shit,” he breathes out, laying eyes on Taylor, curled up sobbing next to a shit ton of pill bottles scattered across the floor. “Taylor, did you take something?” he asks, kneeling down in front of Taylor and brushing his much longer hair away from his face to get a look in his eyes.

He shakes his head quickly. “No, no, no, I didn’t, I called you instead,” he says between gasps. “I—I—I can’t breathe—”

“Taylor, Taylor, hey ,” Link cups his face with his hands and looks him in the eyes, “it’s gonna be alright, I promise. You’re sure you didn’t take anything?”

He nods, sobbing again.

“I’m gonna pick you up and take you to the couch, okay?”

He nods again.

Link scoops him up just as easily as he did way back when. In fact, Taylor seems slightly lighter than before.

He kicks some clothes out of the way and sets Taylor down on the couch, sitting across from him.

“Sorry I— fuck —I know we haven’t talked in years I just—I haven’t been as close with anyone since you,” Taylor says, wiping his tears and trying to steady his breathing.

Link grabs hold of Taylor’s hand, interlocking their fingers and squeezing. “Taylor, what happened?”

He can’t help but cry himself asking it.

“I—I just, I kept feeling like there was no point anymore. And—and I couldn’t shake it. I’m all alone, and I don’t know why I did this to myself. I miss Mom, I miss you, I miss everyone, and I—I just…” he pauses to catch his breath, and fails but barrels on, “I’m so fucked up in the head, Link. I keep having nightmares about sophomore year. I dropped out of college because I wouldn’t stop having panic attacks during class. I—I wanted it all to be over. I still do. I still do . That’s why I—I needed you.”

Link doesn’t know what to say.

Holding back a sob, he hugs Taylor as tight as he can, thankful he’s still here and alive .

“I miss my mommy ,” Taylor sobs into Link’s shoulder. “I miss her. I miss her. I miss her so much.”

“She still live at your old address?”

Taylor nods.

“Come on,” Link says, getting up.

“Where are we going?”

“My car. I’m taking you home.”

Taylor nods with a wobbly, “Thank you.”