#what’s your walk up song?
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OH HE IS SOOOOOOOO DIVA 🧡🖤
#the hand on the hip. the tilted head. the batted eye lashes. PLEASE SIR. i’m already obsessed with you.#screaming this song has so many memories. iykyk.#erik johnson#philadelphia flyers#video#what’s your walk up song?
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I get a little indignant when i look up the lyrics for a song that has very straightforward and understandable meaning to anyone who has experienced a modicum of emotional pain in their life and there are websites like "Song Lyrics Explained" like ohhh some people have never had their heart broken I see.
#my stuff#if you look me in the eyes and say you don't 'get' Sleep Token's Apparition or Take Me Back To Eden in general...#like what even is there to say. they're about waking up from bittersweet dreams abt ppl you can't see anymore for reasons you didn't choose#and longing to return to experiences that cannot be recreated if the people you love don't make the effort to hold onto it like you do.#i am quite literally sick with longing and grief these past couple days and these are the only songs keeping me halfway sane#this all could have gone so very different. i know where you are. i know how to reach you. but i can't. you asked me not to.#so i have to cope with the knowledge that you're a short walk away almost every day and yet I'll probably never see you again#and it's not because i did anything wrong you're just the sort of person who can't be friends with someone after a romance#and your goodbye was absolute shit and i hate it and i want some fucking shred of acknowledgement that i deserve better!!!!#i want to know you aren't just trying to forget me entirely!! I want to be remembered!! I am remembering you!!
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country roads, take me home... to the place, where i belong...
#'oli thats not what the original caption says' yeah well the original caption was depressing#and the whole country roads walk-up song thing makes me feel shrimp colours#ash enjoy your REVENGE gav i'm sorry you're gonna get caught in the crossfire again lol#first time making one on an ipad!! it's an adventure!#sorry the alt text function on the ipad version of the app is HORRIFIC i will try to come back on a computer and add it later#seattle mariners#jarred kelenic#mariners#in my defence ash started it#my edits#a softer world#a softer baseball#i hope the resolution on this doesnt come out total crap but i also know how tumblr can be#mlb#(original caption said 'wait for time to run out.')
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since were living in this new age of understanding when it comes to how becoming famous (especially tabloid famous/infamous) at a young age negatively effects your mental health and psychological development i think its time that ppl start reevaluating how they talk about the sex pistols
#sex pistols#hoodie talks#i mean i would think this regardless but seriously#any conversation about the sex pistols that doesnt include just how young they were and how mistreated by the public and press they were#is an incomplete one that doesnt address crucial aspects of their story#you cannot understand why sid vicious ended up dead from suicide at 21 without talking about this!#you cannot understand why johnny rotten is the way he is now without talking about this!#johnny got famous at 19! he spent his entire adult life famous! and by famous i mean infamous aka The Bad Type Of Famous#he was the designated acceptable target of an entire nation during some of the most formative years of his life#'why is he so mean and defensive?' oh idk maybe its bc ppl stabbed him bc he sang a song they didnt like!#imagine being 20 years old and every journo in the country is either writing about you being the voice of your generation#or about how youre the spawn of satan who should be hung from the nearest lamp post#imagine youre 20 and the government is saying that shit about you too#imagine youre 20 and every single thing you say is picked at and poured over and ascribed countless different meanings#imagine youre 20 and you cant even walk down the street without being harassed by someone you dont know#imagine youre 20 and someone sticks a razor in your hand and disables you for life bc you wrote a song they didnt like#imagine youre 20 and your neighbor barges into your flat bc your music was too loud and stabs your 14 year old friend#and then when you ask the police for help they tell you that she deserved it for hanging out with you#now imagine the kind of person youd be if you lived through all of that#and now imagine that every time you ever sorta lashed out or were kinda mean ppl said 'shut up you whiny attention whore'#imagine if everyone collectively got together when you were 19 and decided that you didnt get to be a person anymore forever#thats what johnny lydon's life has been since 1975#punk rock posting
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it may come as a surprise to you all but im thinking about kingdom rn
#what is on my mind. well im specifically thinking about jahan just did the new bss song dance and it's reminding me#how jahan and arthur did the maestro dance with dino and afterwards jahan talked about how mortifying it was to ask dino to do it#then like two weeks later the maestro mushow behind was released and the behind of tkds challenge was featured in it. and#some of the svt members were talking about how happy it made them. outside of tkds range#and when someone pointed out to jahan how they made it into the behind he lost his shit#and i am also thinking about my dann jahan unit pola. and sometimes i don't realize how much detail is in a polaroid#and how lucky i am to have a signed pola of my bias line in one of my top fave stage fits. like how did the universe align like#that for me. that's crazy#and well im thinking about how much i like them. i think when i first got into kpop i didn't understand how people decided who was an ult#or a semi ult. or whatever. and the time just moved so fast and my feelings fluctuate so much how do you know but now i just knowwwwww#when i look at them and when their songs come on shuffle and when i gif them and when i look at my album shelf and i see the hok albums#line up and my photocards and how they're the biggest portion of my binder and how i felt seeing them in concert both times#and im also thinking of the concert im thinking about the shitty ada route for the venue. how the ramp was a solid 45° angle and i managed#to go up but i was so nervous to go down cuz i certainly couldn't walk my rollator down and i didn't wanna fall#and i had to be nearly carried down cuz i was so unstable and it was so embarassing and then i heard dann singing and it was just a really#grounding moment. his voice is so comforting to listen to on my phone and it was so invigorating to hear on stage but to hear it#softly up close. because he always sings back stage and the ada route was backstage and they were behind me to go back to#the green room and I didn't know and. it was such a surprise but it was so nice. so nice#so calming. and how i was so embarassed my rollator was taking up space when i was talking to ivan and when i readjusted it it got#stuck on a crack in the floor because of the angle and i apologized but he immediately told me it was okay and helped me get it unstuck cuz#i was shaky on nerves and adrenaline. and they're just sooooo. wow#ughhhhhh and hwons smile when i did polas with him first tour. and how he held everyone's hands despite the staff saying not#to touch the artist he always grabbed your hands first if you let him and i did cuz i didn't know what to do and he was just so excited#to be there and getting to talk to him while we waited for the pola to print. dude he's so tall like i knew he was tall going in but nothing#prepares you for How damn tall he is till you're right there next to him and god#they r the best. genuinely. :•( i love them so bad#speaking.txt
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hi! oh my goodness. i am SO sorry i didn’t say anything earlier. i did read everything a couple days ago, and i Have been chewing on it, rotating it in my mind, etc etc…..and the graphic has been my phone lockscreen since i first read it!!!!!
frankly i am obsessed and have also been a little frazzled this month lol. saw your post late because of the general whirlwind that is december and then couldn’t quite get my thoughts into sufficient words n got worried “oh no would it be weird to say something now…..” which is incredibly silly in retrospect, so sorry for that.
i’m relatively new to hockey fandom and the Narratives don’t always quite click for me (yet, at least :)) because i don’t know all of the lore for a lot of the popular pairings haha, so it means a lot that you’ve taken time out of your day to break things down for me and share your own thoughts <3 tysm. again, super sorry for the delayed response. i’m very sorry if you felt as though you’d wasted your time or something along those lines :’) just wanted to let you know that i really appreciate you and the time it took you to get everything down and make the graphic!!!! and like i can’t overstate how much your tags both over here and on your other blog have helped me to Get It since the start of this season, so thank you.
but now the house is quiet, the in-laws are gone, and no new work stuff until january :) so i can finally get some stuff down. every point you brought up hits in it own way but gosh you are very incredibly right the mcstrome of it all…..that’s sort of the lens i’ve been listening to the song through since you mentioned it.
the golden boy and the “draft bust” and the ever present notion of “isn’t it all about old friends? like everything? all of it?”. like idk looking back on a bestfriendship from when you were a teenager that was Super intense and the lines were blurred and maybe realizing (if you hadn’t had the words or the “guts” or awareness or wtv to put a name to it at that point in your life) that y’all were a smidge more than just friends.
best friends forever until you just aren’t! growing up and growing apart. it’s just the way things go but it can and will ache for a damn long time! you think you’re over it until their birthday or the holidays roll around and you wonder in a distant sort of way who they’re spending it with. what you would’ve hypothetically gotten them as a present if you still spoke. what do they even like nowadays, anyway?
maybe having the friendship end subtly. going from playing and traveling together and living in one another’s pockets to 2,080 miles of distance? (i may have my timeline/details confused here so sorry in advance) texting as much as you can at first but he’s a phenom he’s mcjesus he’s the next in line he’s expected to win the cup with his new team and end the drought for Canada. and they have him now but he was yours first, wasn’t he? but it’s fine. because you’re busy too. you’re captaining the team now. you’re gonna get the memorial cup that he couldn’t. it’s fine. you’re fine. you don’t even have time to worry about it anyway.
one conversation a week turns to one a month turns to once in a blue moon turns to stale words until it goes cold. these days you can’t quite seem to remember who ended things, but does it really matter all that much now?
or maybe it doesn’t end like that at all. maybe it ends in a flurry of angry words and digs in some or other of the endless hotel rooms you’ve shared together over the years. who knows!
and that’s not even getting into the rest of the 2015 draft class. or the ld19 of it all! ooh hoo hoo. you grew up with him but he’s not your waiting room. he grew up with you but he’ll grow “old” (end his career) with someone else. and isn’t that just something!
i don’t think it’s totally them, but sort of the sentiment of “I hope you get everything you ever wanted and I hope I never hear a word about it.” I want one ticket off of your carousel!!!! merry christmas, please don’t call!!!!!!!
dylan being sent up and down and traded around until finally landing in washington, a place where he is clearly at home and LOVED for the guy and player he is!!!!!!!! watching a game and seeing all the strome jerseys in the crowd……..wagh.
all that said. some other songs that are mcstrome to me in various ways: hot & heavy by lucy dacus (lol kinda the whole song). before the world was big by girlpool (“i just miss how it felt standing next to you wearing matching [jerseys? sweaters?] before the world was big”). happiness by Taylor swift (“i guess it’s the price i pay for seven years in heaven”), cut your bangs by radiator hospital (maybe? possibly? unsure. i like the whole dog thing there). i’m so glad i feel this way about you by insignificant other (!!!!!). there are so many THEM lyrics in there……..waough.
anyway. other things off the top of my head: 2015 connor specifically saying something like “hey let’s wait a minute so we can see this” to stand by the stage when dylan was getting drafted after him. MAN. you reminded me of the fact that they couldn’t even make eye contact at the handshake line!!!!!!!!! they didn’t go to each other’s weddings!!!!!!!!!! (do you think once upon a time they ever thought they’d being each other’s best man?). just a couple months ago dylan liking the tweet of connor getting that goal during the playoffs!!!!!!!! makes you wonder if he texted him………..
lol this was all over the place and i was probably wrong on some things and there’s SO much more that someone else could say way more eloquently, but i digress. i dunno everything about them is so nuts to me!!!!! needless to say i will be incredibly sat for the game january 21 🙂↕️
thank you again for your time :) hope you have a good one and a happy rest of the holiday season! <3333333
what a lovely message to receive 🥰😭🥹 i had to break it up into chunks because i couldn't sit down to read all of it at once without just. bouncing right back up and shrieking. i am also at heart terribly shy so i understand the struggle but it is never too late to say something <3 you are always welcome here
first!!! i love sharing!! i think most of hockey tumblr loves to see people finding out the Lore for the first time and the wonderful thing about hockey is that. it keeps going on. so there's years and years and generations and generations and always something new to learn about. i've learned to just not be afraid to ask!!! between different teams and players i'm always discovering new narratives (learning about the sharks old man yaoi rn... cbj rarepairs...)
no... to my heart's despair... you have the timeline right. i think in the best most tragic sense there's a mcstrome narrative where it is truly that nothing went wrong. the love was there. we couldn't do enough to save it because we didn't see it slipping away. i didn't notice when you didn't call until you never did. i don't know you now but i still remember when i did, do you?
HE'S NOT YOUR WAITING ROOM?? passing out. i do see "i hope you get everything you ever wanted and i hope i never hear a word about it" as them because!! they didn't go to each other's weddings!!! i don't wish you harm but i'm not going to put myself through that!! i hope you're happy and i'm never going to look on purpose.
i love dylan strome so much and the best part is that they all love him so much too. he wore a cool vintage ovechkin jacket!! and got slapped in the face with a tortilla!! he loves to gently rag on the rookies!! it just takes some time, everything'll be just fine. you're only on the middle of the ride.
OKAY WHEN I READ THIS PART I SCREAMED BECAUSE I DO HAVE A MCSTROME PLAYLIST AND!!!! HOT & HEAVY BY LUCY DACUS IS IN FACT ON IT!!! SO IS CUT YOUR BANGS (BUT BY GIRLPOOL SO DOUBLE JINX)!!!! i have dorothea by taylor swift on there but i don't know happiness so i'll have to give all the other songs a listen. mostly i just shrieked because i was like NO YOU GOT THE VIBES EXACTLY
🧠〰️🧠 truly the mind meld happening here. the handshake line. the mutual wedding non-invitations. i won't block your number or your name on twitter i just hope i don't see it come up on screen!! i do think that we got confirmation the last time they played each other that dylan did text him to say congrats on a milestone but i would have to check the archives
p.s. i think you said it perfectly eloquently :) what matters is that you said it at all and i was delighted to read it 💕
#liv in the replies#HI HI HI HELLO!!! IT'S SO NICE TO HEAR FROM U i hope u have a lovely quiet end of the year <3 with lots of time to rest & find ur own joy#& YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SORRY!!!! <33333 ANY MESSAGE IS A GOOD ONE!!! WHEN I TELL YOU I 🥹💕😭☺️🥰🦋💕💗‼️‼️❣️❣️ UPON RECEIVING THIS HEARTS FOR THU#ALSO IMPORTANT😭😭 I DIDN'T MEAN TO GUILT TRIP U I HOPE U DIDN'T TAKE IT THAT WAY i personally just. need to work on reblogging my own stuff#i hate reblogging my own fic announcements even so i was like listen this is for ME because EYE want it here and that's FINE. ok brain???#and also i think i have just accepted the slide that there WILL be hrpf here mostly because i keep tagging it but i always don't want to#plug this blog over on cbpc-hrpf or anything bc do you really need to follow me in multiple places or is that just being greedy you know.#obviously i don't because why else would i be dithering in the tags. anyway tl;dr i consider u beloved & also my friend welcome in the dms#at any time always. i hope everybody knows just yeet yourselves in there i am a Yapper and i love discussing. getting asks is one of my#favorite things :))) & getting messages from people is how u make friends!!! sometimes u tell people u love their work & now u are bffl <3#we all have like. Quintessential Moments that are secretly niche & the joy of going U DON'T KNOW ABOUT IGUANA WRESTLING??? is unmatched#also do you want to publish that poetry like?? hit after hit after hit. three paragraph six feet under. put it on the ao3 second person pov#dylan strome sitting at his fogged up kitchen window looking at the snow outside in washington the same as it was in erie the way it never#was in arizona and thinking about you know. maybe you know now what it was then. and does it matter? and in the end#he sees his girls run through the yard snowballs in their hands when he's done thinking everything through and he puts on his mittens and#walks out the door to his life. into the cold unknown you know. honorary fuckin' mention to what has secretly been percolating in my head#ever since i said the fogged glass window which is the one that knocks ME the fuck out every time but is so strongly a dylan/zach song to m#dream song by shallow alcove. just wanna press my nose up to the glass of your life. EYE cannot mcstrome w/that but it is incredibly vibes#also just. the queer experience of that Intense Friendship that you’re like WOW uh. maybe i need to think some things now. assigned to Them#HELP SOS what is ld19??? you will have to come explain this to me i fear. oh no you have to send me another message 😈 my brain said leon#but also london knights because mitch marner and the draft class of 2015. also had to laugh like i started singing phoebe bridgers waiting#room then immediately went into the argument of defying gravity 'i hope you're happy' (OBCR) because. i think they wish they could be spite#maybe. but maybe they know they only want them to be happy. also with the handshake... me when i. think about updating the goodnight chicag#cam now that stromer's in washington goodnight chicago goodnight indeed. DO WE EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT KITTY?? DEBRINCAT???? ALSO IN ERIE#also me🤝you🤝 caps/oilers game. they're like oh are u sick of the mcstrome teammates broadcast and i say no never thank u with my popcorn.#mcstrome
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well guys i am currently a few songs into my first ever actual listen through of boom done and holy crap dude i am ascending. once again, over yet another project, ag autism goes crazy
#i joke but i am genuinely in such a good mood right now dude i love this record already i needed this#of course i did hear probably most of these songs live at that fest i always bring up i worked in july '22 but yknow that's different#man i see why that day made me wanna get into all of homie's music and sparked all of this#uhhh it is three am i am feeling so good about and truly excited about life right now#while listening i've been making plans in google maps 2 get to buffalo early & walk around near the venue tomorrow#w my film point & shoot and get some shots & maybe grab a coffee!!!#idk dude it is supposed to be like 70 and pleasant tomorrow wow what a great day 4 the wavernot4love ag show adventure#wavernot4love gets 2 the gig#wavernot4love talks ag tunes#wavernot4lovetalksmusic#i love feeling like this dude i love music i want to stay in this headspace forever#anyways please take this as your sign 2 listen to this album if ya haven't yet#anthony green
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#argent#argent band#stepping stone#granada#set of six#1972#omg rod your face#djhgdfg RUSS#theee ennnd of this song#i love how#in theeee#11th gif#when russ puts his arm up like that and then back down#and then in the next one he looks like he's not entirely sure what to do#he just turns#and then turns again#like 'wait what am i doing'#it's very relatable#me when i walk in my kitchen for no apparent reason that i can remember
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i know they're a uniform item but still we don't talk nearly enough abt terence's sidelacing pants
#90s king.#dion should occasionally feel the need to pluck at them like lyre strings we're failing him.#he can make up little songs#he's simply cut through them at least once I Know It In My Heart. just plink plink plink through each X with a lil claw#they were arguing about is it pain au chocolate or chocolatine and dion wanted the last word bad enough idk#'You are their Captain. I cannot in good conscience allow you to leave with this evil in your heart; they place their faith in you.'#someone walks in like what ... happened... at terence's new advent children ass threads and they don't even have to lie
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tag drop ; isande.
( even scorched by fires of war ; i will fly on wings of my own making. ✧ ic. ) isande. ( gold as the rising sun ; she holds her shield aloft to greet the dawn. ✧ visage. ) isande. ( what good is any faith if in yourself you hold none ; be your own devotee. ✧ isms. ) isande. ( through shade & sleet-- through all winter's wrath ; the thistle maid blooms in xanntash. ✧ aesthetic. ) isande. ( born in the dark but her heart never beat ; not 'til light touched her face was she truly complete. ✧ lore. ) isande.
( a message to all the holy temples dedicated to me ; you all really make up any shit huh. ✧ crack. ) isande. ( do not follow me-- do not pray ; choose to walk alongside me and i will stay. ✧ game shenanigans. ) isande.
connections ;
( i'd trade all tales human & divine to turn back time ; for song in your smile & light in your eyes. ✧ isande & finnegan. ) passionfell. ( you seek no god & i never sought to be one ; not demanding or bestowing-- i am asking for a champion. ✧ isande & ankita. ) passionfell. ( you can't wield a sword for me-- i don't carry one ; pledge oath to you & let blind faith be gone. �� isande & alwin. ) risingretribution.
#( even scorched by fires of war ; i will fly on wings of my own making. ✧ ic. ) isande.#( gold as the rising sun ; she holds her shield aloft to greet the dawn. ✧ visage. ) isande.#( what good is any faith if in yourself you hold none ; be your own devotee. ✧ isms. ) isande.#( through shade & sleet-- through all winter's wrath ; the thistle maid blooms in xanntash. ✧ aesthetic. ) isande.#( born in the dark but her heart never beat ; not 'til light touched her face was she truly complete. ✧ lore. ) isande.#( a message to all the holy temples dedicated to me ; you all really make up any shit huh. ✧ crack. ) isande.#( do not follow me-- do not pray ; choose to walk alongside me and i will stay. ✧ game shenanigans. ) isande.#( i'd trade all tales human & divine to turn back time ; for song in your smile & light in your eyes. ✧ isande & finnegan. ) passionfell.#( you seek no god & i never sought to be one ; not demanding or bestowing-- i am asking for a champion. ✧ isande & ankita. ) passionfell.#( you can't wield a sword for me-- i don't carry one ; pledge oath to you & let blind faith be gone. ✧ isande & alwin. ) risingretribution.
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📝 💐 🛼 💔⏪️💭🧊🌄❤️🩹
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
previous ⏪︎ now playing ⏩ next back to playlist
#stranger things#bizarre love triangle playlist#el hopper#el's pov#i was so happy when i re-listened to this alongside the lyrics when looking for songs from el's pov#'at first i was afraid. i was petrified. kept thinking i could never live without you by my side'#all season long we saw el experiencing heartache over mike and how it led to her feeling insecure as if it was all her fault#she was convinced that if mike didn't love her then she couldn't be happy#'but then i spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong and i grew strong and i learned how to get along'#el spending time away from mike at nina along with all the months of doubt prior to their fallout now having validation...#it wasn't just her loving and falling out of love with mike over the course 3 days#it was her realization that their relationship has been deteriorating for a while now and coming to terms with that in 3 days#'and so you're back from outer-space. i just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face'#this is the main line that reminds me of her brushing past mike and will in the cabin#probably a little more harsh as this song is pretty harsh in terms of the singer not being capable of seeing her ex as even a friend now#but el's earned some harshness after what just went down#that doesn't mean they'll never overcome this#it just means there is still a serious need to confront it which wont be super pretty#and then the forgiveness and acceptance can only come after that#'and you see me. somebody new. i'm not the chained up little person still in love with you'#oooooo get him!#'you think i'd crumble? you think i'd lay down and die?'#sort of reminds me of the assumptions not just mike has but also most of the audience#they think it would be impossible for mike to end things with el bc she would be so broken hearted and she doesn't deserve that#which of course she doesn't#but maybe el knows what she deserves... and it's more than what mike is able to give#'i've got all my life to live and i've got all my love to give and i'll survive. i will survive.'#she's not going to go on forever being hung up on something that wasn't what she deserved in the first place#she will survive ya'll#4x09
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one (1) sympathetic mark antony comic
#not as a treat i am drawing this against my will. im being held hostage by a song and a desire to Fix A Bad Movie#which had the only interesting take on the Antony-Cleopatra relationship since shakespeare#i am excited to draw octavian's half of this sequence tho. then i can stop thinking about it forever#you want to go home so bad it makes you lock yourself inside of a tomb but its the wrong type of tomb and ALSO YOU HELPED#KILL YOUR OWN HOME. ITS NOT THERE ANYMORE. YOU BURIED IT YOURSELFFFFffFFFffffffffff. it's gone!!!!!!!!!!#anyway would it be fucked up if i had octavian walking around the egyptian palace wearing antony's clothes or what
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by the way becoming ii grave parallels make me want to climb walls
#parallels#dawn and buffy <333#btvs#catching the sword is like... buffy has only herself in this moment. literally take that away and what's left? me#buffy afterwards looking at the school watching ppl walk away before she herself turns to leave. the absolute heartbreak of becoming ii#and then! grave and buffy once again facing someone she loves wanting to end the world#buffy handing dawn a sword and asking for her help and dawn saying i've got your back...#the shot of them looking out at the World!! the world which didn't end and buffy didn't want it to!!!!!#the world she wants to show to dawn . buffy telling her i cant wait to see you grow up the woman you will become#the externalisation of wanting to live!!!#AND THEN full of grace vs prayer of st francis... buffy in becoming ii on a bus away from sunnydale and slaying and herself#and sarah mclachlan singing 'i know i can love you much better than this'#but then here is buffy with dawn climbing from the grave walking side by side and the song is about hope & forgiveness... 'let me sow love'#'oh darkness i feel like letting go' vs 'where there is darkness light' with the idea of dawn as first light wahhhh#buffy summers#dawn summers
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I know it's wrong and bad to say this, but sometimes I really hate when my friends have other friends. (specifically when I can't also be friends with those friends) because every time I want someone to hang out with or talk to, the only couple friends I have are always busy with their other friends. when I want to plan something with them, they will always choose the other friends over me. they will cancel plans *with* me as soon as other friends ask, but won't cancel plans *for* me when i ask. they will use up their social spoons on other friends and leave none for me. always putting things with me off or simply not responding at all.
i'm always told by random people when I say I want mkre friends "it's better to have a couple great friends than many aquantances" or something like that. but honestly it sucks because you can't rely on 1-2 people to always be there for you every day or every week when you want or need someone. if you keep asking, you're seen as annoying and clingy and they will ignore you eventually (or worse)
it's annoying that they get to fill their social needs at all times, but I never get to. because i'm never the one that gets to go first in the social queue. and when it gets to my turn, it refreshes and i'm pushed to the back again.
the only solution I can ever think of is being friends with my friends' friends too....but for some reason!!!!!! that never works out!!!! (if my friends will even share their friends with me to begin with)
#and dont even get me started on when i share my friends with each other and they choose each other over me and kick me out lmao#WHY ARE FRIENDS SO HARD#why am i just a little creature that requires certain amounts/types of social interaction that never gets met#and no one wants to do anything about it. and im forced to sit here feeling bad about it because i cant fix it either fbbdbdfghhdhjrhfdj#this whole friend and human interaction and bonding and companionship bullshit is going to be lifelong issue and im not here for it#NO ADVICE IM GIVEN WORKS. IM TIRED OF ONE SIDED BULLSHIT WHERE ONLY I TRY. HUMANS ARE ANNOYING#im like a non human creature that wears human skin and everyone except me knows and they dont want me and i domt know why#i also dont have the energy to do the whole new friends song and dance where you small talk to get to know each other#and share your life stories. i rather just hang out and become friends through enjoyment of mutual enjoyed activity????#or something like that idk#i tried so hard to be friendly to friends' friend last weekend when we all hung out so i can be adopted into their friend group but#they didnt even tell me it was nice meeting me and hanging out and didnt even say bye to me. only to my friends#and i was too sad about that to say it to them instead as they walked away. theyre way more social and good at words#and i was overwhelmed and struggling to speak so i was waiting for the queue to say those things or something#i expected it like an idiot loser becuase i thought i did a good job being a cute gremlin that fits into the group that seems to have#other goofy gremlins like me. i thought maybe they can be “my people” or something. but then they turned around and left#after telling my friends bye. and didnt acknowledge me. and i juat kept smiling and turned around and walked away too#PRETENDING IT WAS FINE. BUT IT FELT BAD. BECAUSE I FAILED TO MAKE A FRIEND WHEN I THOUGHT I DID GOOD WITH THEM FOR ONCE#so “being confident/believing in yourself” like im told to do DIDNT WORK AND IT FELT WORSE THAN DOUBTING MYSELF. YOU LIARS. ugh fhdhdhfhjssk#WHAT DO. WHY LEE BAD AT THIS. WHY IT FEEL BAD. WHY NOT JUST ACCEPT BEING ALONE 99% OF TIME AND GIVE UP. WOULD BE EASIER#lee rants#autism things#i know its rude to invite yourself into a friend group but what if i try anyway 🤪✌️
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YouTube yesterday: Hey btw The Longest Johns just released a song about Horatio Nelson's death.
Me: Cool, excuse me as I stare off into space and think about L'Manburgian soldiers' reaction to hearing about Kiril's dying to withering whenever I play the song.
#regicide au#like yes I know realistically Kiril would be a bit of a controversial figure in L'Manburg#his father (and ancestry in general tbh) represents centuries of colonialism and oppression#like ffs you can't just walk into a place like Pogtopia going 'hi I promise I'm a good Krafta'#when you've had to spend the past few years drastically unlearning all the colonialist propaganda you were fed as a child#anyway Artur is representative of continuing the oppression of an entire people no matter how hard you have to grind your boot on them#while Kiril represents the effort to at least make a start on fixing the mistakes of the past#with liberation in the hopes that will open the door for reparations etc#not that he ever expects to see that because he'll be dead from fratricide#(not to mention shit like that will take generations for the wounds to begin healing so no veteran of this war will live to see it either)#he still wants to do *something* as a way to work towards that better future though#a war of independence sure as fuck wasn't what he imagined but 'the universal language is violence' yada yada#it certainly seems to be Artur's universal language#and Kiril gains an even better image of himself as a general who is willing to fight and potentially die with his soldiers#those under his command absolutely have deep respect for him thanks to how he conducts himself#...and then the withered arrows start flying#people are going to end up talking about how he never let on he was hit himself#he simply visited the affected soldiers in the infirmary some of whom were doomed to die in one of the worst ways possible#then he was gone. just grabbed by his brother so he could be killed in Rayusel (or away from the public eye in general)#rumours are going to fly about all sorts of things pertaining to Kiril's final hours but one thing is for sure#there is going to be grief amongst the soldiers who loved him#'let him die in peace' ...yeah they really are going to hope that somehow he didn't suffer as much as a typical withering victim#god I am just shaking this song vigourously by its shoulders I swear
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yeah im thinking about the full version of 1・2・3 again yeah its making my brain a little mushy about The Characters
#taylor.txt#the lyrics in that song are insane has ANYONE gone through and determined which parts are sung by whom#because im bad at distinguishing voices so some parts im not sure if its both of them or not#either way lyrically this song is crazy. like its not the only ash and companion duet op but it has VASTLY different flavour#high touch walked so 1・2・3 could run frankly and boy did it ever#i would so happily analyze the full version lyrics so hard if anyone asked just saying#thematically goh is such a good companion and yeah WHATEVER we know im biased by shipping goggles but like. they did something so#INTERESTING and UNIQUE with that dynamic which is really compounded in jn being ash’s last series#and it reflects so well in the lyrics of the song like there is so much to say about their development as characters#and its so interesting compared to say high touch where its like. yeah this is a song ABOUT their relationship#1・2・3 is arguably that as well but fundamentally its all in the thesis of the series which is about how relationships strengthen your#INDIVIDUAL goals and actions and shape you as a Person and how those are things that like#yeah other people influence you and motivate you but at the end of the day youre still making the choice to try but whatever choice you make#that friendship doesnt just go away. it bolsters you! makes you a better person! helps you grow up!!!#idk what im saying now idk i just head full. many thoughts. btw if you havent listened to the full version like. fully. highly recommend#its just a genuinely good song like tbh it has no right being such an unironic bop but it is and i love it
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