#what’s that tumblr post of forever chasing the high of being right in high school English class?

[actuallysaiyan]

Send Me An Angel(Nanami Kento x Fem!Reader x Higuruma Hiromi)

warnings: smut, exhibitionist, oral sex(both fem and male receiving), drinking, smoking, drugs, candaulism, panty/pussy sniffing, creampie finish/unprotected sex, swearing, nipple play, pervertedness, pet names, just lots of lewd themes, threesomes word count: 4.6k!!! pairings: Nanami Kento x Fem!Reader x Higuruma Hiromi summary: you meet Hiromi at the bar, and you two bond over your love of 80s music. Despite Kento being a protective husband, he always wants to see you happy...even if it means to fuck you in front of the loser lawyer a/n: HERE IT IS!!! Omg I have been dreaming and planning and thinking about this fic FOREVER!!!!! I want to give a very special shoutout to both @beneathstarryskies and @seireiteihellbutterflyfor helping me out with this beauty! taglist: @sparklynightm4re, @buttercupbitches(sorry tried to tag you but Tumblr won't let me!)

You sit at the bar, drink in hand. Your head starts bobbing to the music, and you instantly recognize the song. A presence sits near you, someone of average build and average height. You look over at them, your smile spreading on your face. He smiles shyly at you and then orders a drink from the bartender. After he receives his drink and pays, he then scoots a little closer to you.

"I love this song," he comments, looking at you curiously. You smile, "Me too! Nobody likes the classics anymore!"

There's a sudden chemistry between you and the man with the long nose. His tired eyes remind you of someone very dear to you. Between sips of your cocktails, you and the man you've come to know as Hiromi become acquainted. You two are deep in your conversation about post-punk music and synthpop when you feel a familiar presence near you.

His strong arms wrap around you, his head resting on your shoulder before he leans in to kiss your cheek brazenly in front of Hiromi. The lawyer's eyes widen as he gets a good look at the salaryman who's making his presence quite known.

"And who's this, darling?" His voice is deep and gravelly, almost filled with a need. You giggle, "This is my new friend. Hiromi Higuruma. He's a lawyer."

Kento's eyes narrow at the man sitting very close to you. He's not sure he likes the way Hiromi is looking at you, and he's certainly sure he doesn't like the way you and he keep giggling and talking like you've been friends for years.

"Higuruma-san, was it?" Kento asks, extending his hand out to Hiromi. "Nanami Kento." Hiromi shakes his hand, "A pleasure to meet you. This must be your pretty girlfriend." "Wife." Kento corrects watchfully. "Wife, hm? Lucky guy, you are."

Hiromi is beginning to sense he's no longer wanted, but you extend your hand to grab onto his wrist. Kento watches you carefully, but he thinks he understands what's going on now. When Hiromi faces you, you're pouting.

"Wait, you're not going to leave, right? I thought we were having a nice conversation, Hiromi." He smiles, looking down at his drink, "Well, I guess I can stay. That alright with you, Nanami-san?" Kento's eyes dart towards the tired lawyer, "As long as you keep your hands to yourself."

This causes you to playfully slap Kento's chest. You chastise him for chasing away so many people this way, but Kento can't help it if he wants to keep you locked away from the world. If it were up to him, he'd keep you at home at all times of the day and the night. It's always you who insists on going out and socializing with others.

You and Hiromi begin discussing the song that's playing, which puts Kento's mind at ease. Despite the spectacle he had seen earlier of you and Hiromi chatting and flirting like a pair of high school reunion lovebirds, Kento knows that you're just being kind. Sure, you flirt from time to time, but Kento knows that when he goes home, you're the one coming with him and only him. He's the one who's going to have your face down in the pillows, begging for a break from the violent pounding he'll give you.

"So you like 80s music then, Higuruma-san?" Kento asks, taking his pack of cigarettes from his suit pocket. He places one between your lips and then one between his before he procures a lighter to light them both.

Hiromi watches enviously as Kento pulls you closer, the tips of your cigarettes almost touching. The scene was sensual in its own right; images of fiery kisses are evoked from the sight of Kento lighting both of your cigarettes at once.

Hiromi clears his throat, grabbing his drink to wet his mouth. Then he turns to see you awaiting his reply so eagerly.

"Yes, I love 80s music." He finally concludes. Kento smirks at him, "Funny, so does my wife. No wonder she took a liking to you."

Hiromi smiles nervously. He knows the kind of game Kento is playing at, but it's you he can't really read. Despite your drop-dead gorgeous husband right by your side, you continue to flirt and be eager to talk to Hiromi. If you were trying to get him killed, then he wouldn't be surprised at all.

You and Kento smoke your cigarettes, enjoying a conversation that's just between the two of you. Hiromi can't help but listen in; something about what you'll be having for dinner tomorrow night, and something about having to pick up Kento's dry cleaning tomorrow morning.

Hiromi blanks out for a few moments. His mind is filled with a sweet wife of his own. The kind of girl that he would be proud to bring home to his parents. In his mind, he sees such a sweet face and such a loving smile. The voice that comes from those lips is like warm, dripping honey. Hiromi is enjoying his little fantasy so much, it takes something else to pull him out of the thought.

"Hiromi," you coo softly. "You okay?"

Hiromi smiles sheepishly, looking down at his hand holding his drink. He downs the rest of it within seconds, hoping it'll soothe his nerves. Kento continues to watch him from his position behind you. He looks like he'd snap Hiromi's neck with ease if given the chance.

"Y-yeah, I'm alright. Just thinking."

You giggle softly. Kento grumbles in your ear, a soft warning to you. But he knows what your plan is, and he's not very fond of where this is going. Despite this, he'll more than likely entertain your idea.

"Are you imagining my wife in your little fantasies?" Kento asks, his eyes dark. Hiromi blushes, "Come on…don't say that. She's a fine lady, but she's yours." Kento smirks, "Oh? Is she not good enough for you?"

You slap Kento's chest playfully again, telling him to quit it. This is when Kento cups your cheek, planting a passionate kiss on those pretty, plump lips of yours. Hiromi would be lying if he said that just watching you two kiss didn't turn him on.

"That's enough! Don't embarrass me in front of my new friend," you whine and pout.

Kento chuckles darkly, moving some hair from your neck to place a kiss there too. Hiromi swallows hard, wishing he had another drink to keep him occupied. He's not even really sure where to look, but he knows he wants to keep looking at you. You, this ethereal being, that's just popped into his life. Something bright and beautiful to take the edge off the tiring monotony of his life.

"I think it's time we head home," Kento whispers in your ear. You nod, "Yes, I suppose it's time."

Kento heads over to the bartender to pay off your tab. You know he'll probably pay off Hiromi's tab as a way to show that he's the breadwinner in your relationship. While he's busy doing that, you find a pen and a pad of paper in your purse. You jot down your number, handing it to Hiromi. He looks at you like you've just signed his death wish. Your fingers brush against each other as you pass him the little piece of paper.

"Text me sometime, yeah? We can continue our conversation."

And with that, you're leaving with Kento. Hiromi gets one last glance at you as Kento slips his jacket onto your shoulders. And within a blink of his eyes, you two have disappeared out the door.

The night air feels so good on your skin. It's almost sobering you up. You lean against Kento, and he keeps a tight hold on your waist. You two walk in sync, your home only a few blocks away from your favorite bar. Kento lights up another cigarette; this one's for you to share.

"So, what do you think?" You ask him, looking up at him. Kento scoffs, "What? Him? You can't be serious, darling."

This causes you to pout and you know pouting is Kento's kryptonite. He's groaning as he watches you smoke the cigarette solemnly. You're just too precious to say no to.

"He's perfect! Just the type of guy I was looking for." You confess. "Him? He's just some pussywhipped loser. You can do better than that. He wouldn't even have the guts to ask you to fuck him." You giggle before passing the cigarette back to your husband. "That's the thing…" Kento cocks an eyebrow, "What is it this time?" "I don't want him to fuck me. I want him to watch us fuck."

Kento isn't that surprised, but his cock twitches to life. It's the thought of putting that damn loser in his place while he fucks you properly. That Higuruma-san probably hasn't fucked many women in his life. He's probably the type to pop within seconds of being in a hot, tight pussy.

"If you're sure about this," Kento starts. "I think it could be a little cruel to have such passionate sex in front of a man who looks like he hasn't gotten laid in years."

Your eyes widen. Did Hiromi really seem that pathetic in Kento's eyes? Something about this was turning you on in a way you couldn't quite describe. It was like you were the perfect trophy wife to be shown off. The kind of woman that most men have intense sexual fantasies about.

"Well, I gave him my number. Maybe he'll text me,"

But neither of you is truly convinced that Hiromi will come through with texting you. He's probably going to head home himself and fall asleep in his clothes like he does most nights. You begin to hope and pray that Hiromi would have the balls to actually contact you.

It's only when you and Kento are in front of the warm fireplace, snuggled on the white fur rug that your phone vibrates. You and Kento share excited glances. The more he thought about it, the more he found himself excited about the prospect of fucking his gorgeous wife in front of such a loser.

"It's him!" You giggle like an excited schoolgirl. "Answer him. Get him here now."

Hiromi's text is a pretty drunken one. He babbles about needing a place to crash, so you quickly give him the coordinates to Kento's penthouse suite. Then you and your husband wait with excitement flowing through your veins.

It's only about fifteen minutes later that you hear the buzzer. Kento goes to answer and grants entrance to your private home to the lawyer. Your heart is pounding your chest as the reality of the situation is finally dawning on you. This was actually going to happen. Your panties were a little wet already from your arousal.

There's a gentle knock on the door and you fling it open. Hiromi looks a bit disheveled and he smells like booze. You grab his wrist gently and you pull him into the penthouse. He looks around, his eyes widening at the luxury of your home.

"You found our place okay? You're doing alright?" you ask, wrapping your arm around his shoulder to lead him into the living room. Hiromi moans, "Yeah, I'm alright. Could use some water."

You help guide him to the couch, and you sit yourself right next to him. Your knees are touching. Kento comes in from the kitchen, a bottle of mineral water handed to the long-nosed man.

"Ahh, thank you." Hiromi slurs, opening the bottle and taking very greedy gulps of it. "Slow down, sweetie."

Your term of endearment nearly makes him spit out the water. He focuses on swallowing, then he turns to you. He's carefully assessing the situation. Shivers run down his spine when you begin to rub his thigh.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Hiromi questions, his cock twitching in his pants. "Nothing, just having a little fun. You like to have fun right?" You ask, a mischievous look in your eyes.

Kento then sits on the other side of Hiromi. Suddenly the lawyer feels very boxed in. If he wasn't completely sauced off his ass, he'd probably make a beeline for the door. But your soft touches and sweet perfume seem to soothe him more than he'd like to admit.

"I saw how you were looking at my wife," Kento begins. Hiromi throws his hands up in the air in defense, "Hey, come on. She's smoking hot. Can you blame me?" You caress his cheek, "Shhh…it's okay, Hiromi honey."

He shudders at your sweet touches. His cock grows harder the more you're teasing him. Kento keeps a watchful eye on both of you, but he's letting you have your fun.

"Let's lay down some ground rules," Kento finally pipes up. Hiromi looks over at your husband, "R-rules?" You nod, "Yeah if you want to have a little fun with us, Hiromi honey, you need to accept our rules."

And without warning, you reach over to squeeze his hard cock through his pants. His eyes shut and he lets out a pathetic moan. He has to focus on not cumming in his pants.

"Rule number one, we're calling the shots here. You have to listen to what we say and do what we tell you to do," Kento's voice sounds a million miles away as you continue to palm at Hiromi's cock. Hiromi nods his head, "G-got it." "Rule number two, we've got a safeword! It's bread, and if at any point any of us want to opt out, we can say this word. This includes you, Hiromi honey."

Hiromi moans, nodding his head once more. Kento taps his cheek, and the lawyer's eyes snap open. Kento asks for confirmation that he heard you, and Hiromi confirms.

"Rule number three consists of one thing. We can touch you as much as we want, but you are to always ask permission to touch either of us." Hiromi whines, "Fine, fine. That's fine with me."

You begin to unzip his pants and unbuckle his belt to give him a little more relief. His hips buck up involuntarily to the stimulation you're providing. Hiromi's head leans back against the cool leather of the sofa. You gently graze your nails against his cheek before you pull him in for a kiss.

"Rule number four," you whisper on his lips. "Is that we all have fun."

Kento watches as you kiss the pathetic man who sits right next to him. He knows that he'll be fucking your brains out sooner rather than later, but he's growing impatient watching you play with your latest prey. It takes no time before you pull down the straps of your dress and you're straddling Hiromi's lap.

Kento helps you pull down your dress, exposing your breasts to both men. The black-haired man groans as your nipples are so close to his face, and he's wanting to suck on them so bad.

"Don't forget rule three," Kento warns him. "C-can I touch you? C-can I suck on your nipples?"

You nod your head, leaning in closer to let Hiromi have a taste of your soft skin. A sweet moan erupts from your parted lips as his lips wrap around one of your pert nipples. Kento surveils you both, his eyes dark with lust. It's been quite some time since you've picked out a third party for your nightly games.

"Doesn't she taste so sweet?" Kento asks, leaning in to begin kissing your neck. "Fuck yeah," Hiromi moans as he continues suckling on your tits. "Like…strawberries." Kento chuckles, "Just wait til you taste her pussy…well, that is if she lets you."

Hiromi is in a daze. This is all too much. He thinks to himself that even if he can't fuck either of you or even get to touch you more than this, he'll consider this night a success. He's enjoying himself as he sucks and nips at your nipples. Your fingers are carding through his hair.

"How does it feel, darling?" Kento inquires, pressing a kiss to your temple. "So good, baby. He's got such a soft tongue."

After a few minutes, you get off Hiromi's lap. Then you extend your hand out to him, which he gratefully takes after asking you if it's okay. You begin leading him into the master bedroom. Kento's following close behind. Once inside the bedroom, you show Hiromi the comfortable sofa that's in the corner of the room. He sits down on it, noticing the side table is filled with all kinds of paraphernalia. Things ranging from glass pipes used to smoke marijuana, lots of different packs of cigarettes, and condoms of every variety. He even spots some smaller baggies with various pills inside.

"Help yourself to anything you like," you offer to him as you walk over to the expensive-looking stereo system. Some upbeat synthpop music begins to play softly.

Hiromi thanks you, but his eyes dart towards the door. Kento is beginning to undress, and his mouth is growing dry as he admires the man. He's so well-built. His muscles flex as he continues removing more of his clothing. Hiromi has never seen such a specimen of man before. Kento realizes he's being admired.

"So you're into men too, huh?" Hiromi blushes, "Well…uh…yeah, I guess."

You come over to both of them, and you sit on Hiromi's lap. You beckon Kento to come closer, and you begin to unbutton his pants and unbuckle his belt. You can feel Hiromi's erection poking you in the ass. Moving your hips to the rhythm of the song, you feel him twitching and throbbing with every move you make.

"She's a little temptress, hm?" Kento questions. "Mmm y-yeah, she sure is."

You continue to grind down against him, finally helping Kento out of his pants. He's only in his boxer briefs now, his cock straining against the material. Then you look up at him, begging him to take the lead on the next part of this.

He gathers you up in his arms, kissing you longingly and sloppily. Your tongues wrestle together, swapping spit together in such a lewd manner that Hiromi just cannot tear his eyes away from you both. He's going to enjoy watching you two make love.

Kento places you on the bed, his calloused hands rubbing and caressing all your erogenous zones. You moan softly as his fingers pinch and pull on your sensitive nipples. Then his head dips down to capture one of them into his mouth as his hands continue to undress you. Once your dress is pulled off, he turns to face the lawyer sitting in the corner.

"Wanna come see if she smells as good as she tastes?" Kento goads him on.

Within seconds, Hiromi is up and off the sofa and he's on his hands and knees at the foot of the large bed. Kento spreads your legs, showing the wet patch on your pretty little panties. Hiromi is practically salivating as he begins to get closer.

You shudder as Kento pulls your panties off so slowly, exposing you to the lawyer who is ready to worship you both body and soul. Then he turns to face Hiromi and he gives the man your soiled panties.

"Have those, she's got lots more."

The black-haired man holds the soiled material to his nose and takes a greedy inhale. He shudders at the sweet and musky scent of your arousal. His tongue darts out pathetically to lick up a bit of the nectar.

"Look at him," Kento draws your attention towards Hiromi. "Pussywhipped loser."

Something about watching the way Hiromi is licking your panties really drives you wild. With your pussy exposed, Kento begins teasing your clit with slow circles. You buck up to meet his hand, which earns you a scoff from your beautiful blond lover. When your eyes meet, you can see the warning in them to be a bit more patient.

Without warning, Hiromi brings himself closer to your pussy and his face is inches away from it. His pupils have all but turned into hearts when he looks at your cute little cunt. He's just about to lean in when Kento pushes him off the bed.

"Did you forget rule three already?! You can't just do whatever you want." Kento growls.

Hiromi apologizes profusely, his heart racing. The thought of Kento hurting him to lay claim to you is turning him on. Maybe he is just a pathetic, desperate sex fiend. A pervert who hasn't gotten laid in so long. He sits up on his knees, watching you both.

"You wanna know what it's like to not have to ask for permission? Watch closely,"

With those words, Kento sinks himself into your dribbling hole. You cry out, clinging to your husband. He begins drilling himself into you, making you moan just for him. Hiromi's eyes widen, watching the scene unfold in front of him.

"You like that, huh? Fucking loser, you love watching my wife take my cock, don't you?"

Kento's words are hitting him hard. Hiromi has to begin palming himself through his slacks, the precum making a stain in his boxers. You look at the lawyer, moaning loudly as Kento keeps hitting your sweet spot dead on. Hiromi brings your panties to his nose as he begins to unbuckle his belt and take his leaking cock out of his boxers.

"Look at him," Kento goads, "look how much he's so desperate."

Your eyes are practically rolled back in your skull, and anyone can see you're much too preoccupied with the pleasure to even think about looking at the desperate man who is now jerking off at the edge of your bed. Kento chuckles darkly.

"See that? That's what a woman in the throes of pleasure looks like. Something I'm sure you've barely ever seen in your life."

Hiromi grunts as he picks up the pace of stroking his cock. His fist is a blur as he jerks himself off; your panties are still pressed to his nose. Your sweet moans and cries of love make his cock dribble out even more precum.

"K-Ken…I'm gonna cum!"

Kento growls sensually before picking up his own pace. He's slamming into you, making sure to angle his hips so that the tip of his cock continues to ram against that sweet spot deep inside of you that makes you see stars. Waves of electricity course through your body, making the muscles in your groin begin to tense as your orgasm builds more and more. The flame in your belly is burning hot, and the coil snaps. Your nails dig into the muscles of his back, and your plump lips part to cry out his name.

"Fuck, she's milking my cock so good!" Kento grunts, his own orgasm imminent.

Hiromi feels his balls drawing up fast, and he can't keep his eyes off the lewd scene in front of him. He moans as he fucks his fist a little faster, squeezing as if it was your pussy milking him as well. Then with a loud grunt, he's cumming so hard. Spurts of his cum begin to shoot out and cover his fist and the edge of the bed.

"Hah, I knew you'd blow your load first!" Kento brags. "I could keep going, but I suppose I shouldn't overstimulate my wife too much. I think she's had too much excitement for one night,"

Hiromi is slack-jawed as he watches Kento plow himself into you. His cock throbs with every thrust, and Hiromi has the front-row seat to watch as the man fucking your brains out is about to cum. The long-nosed man is very mesmerized by the blond's movements.

"Shit, such a fucking good pussy! Fuck I'm gonna cum!" Kento cries out. "Watch Hiromi-san, this is how you breed a pretty little wife!"

With a loud roar, Kento's hips stutter as the pleasure hits him hard. Shot after shot of his potent and sticky cum begins to fill your pussy. You whine from the overstimulation, but he's quick to hush you with sweet words of praise and love. Then slowly, he settles onto your tits and begins sucking on them.

"Hiromi honey," you call out to the lawyer. He looks up at you, a blush on his cheeks. "Yeah?" You smirk, "Come here, honey."

Hiromi crawls onto the bed. Kento pulls out, and both men watch as the cum begins to leak out of your abused hole. The lawyer is salivating at the sight of your puffy cunt. Kento beckons him closer, spreading your thighs a little bit.

"Have a taste," Kento instructs. "You've been a pretty good boy. I think you deserve it. But…" Hiromi looks up at him, "But what?" "You've got to clean us both up. Not just her, you better be sucking me cleaning too."

Hiromi feels his cock springing back to life at the chance to taste you both. First, he leans in to take a big whiff of your pussy. It's taken on a more musky scent with Kento's seed mixing in, but it's definitely still making him dizzy. He tentatively licks your folds before moaning. He's in heaven as he begins to lap at you like you are his last meal.

"Heh, you still think she tastes like strawberries?" Kento asks him.

Hiromi looks up at him, his eyes glazed over with lust. He moans his response, not caring that Kento's seed is mixing with your arousal. To the lawyer, you both taste so heavenly. A flavor he doesn't want to soon forget.

Kento reaches over, gripping Hiromi's black hair. He pulls him away from your oversensitive cunt, and he pushes him towards his half-hard leaking cock. Hiromi is quick to open his mouth, savoring the taste of your pussy on Kento's cock. The black-haired man moans as he begins to take even more of your husband's dick in his mouth.

"Fuck, darling…do you see just how much of a pervert he is?"

With that, Kento pushes him off and lets you all catch your breath. You watch through half-lidded eyes as your husband dons his favorite robe and heads into the kitchen. Hiromi stays put on the ground, unsure of what to do. You pat the spot next to you, and he sits near you.

"Hiromi honey, did you enjoy yourself?" you turn around and grab the sheet to cover your body.

He finds it adorable that you're choosing to be more modest right now. The vulnerability in that one little move really makes his chest feel warm. Suddenly he feels like he's actually looking into your private life.

Kento returns with a few bottles of mineral water for all of you. He also has a warm washcloth for you and Hiromi. Hiromi blushes as he turns away from both of you and cleans off his cock and his hands. Kento sits on the bed and wipes up the cum from your puffy, red pussy.

Once everyone is decent and cleaned up, you all take a moment to drink the water. Kento lights up a cigarette and as a sign of good faith, he hands one to the lawyer who gratefully accepts it. You three sit on the bed with the window cracked open, smoking your cigarettes.

"Still need a place to crash?" Kento asks Hiromi. "Yeah, I'd love that."

You lean back against the pillows, beckoning the lawyer over. He strips down to his boxers and he crawls under the covers. There's a warmth that comes from you as you wrap your arms around him and allow him to snuggle against your breasts. What surprises Hiromi is when Kento settles behind the man and wraps a protective arm around him.

"Sleep tight," you coo softly. "Love you, Ken." "Love you too, sweetie. Sleep well."

And the three of you fall into a deep sleep…

[wolfjackle-creates]

Answer My Call Chapter 2 Part 3

The second of the posts compiling all my snippets from the ask game. I'll try and get another out later today, but it might be tomorrow for the rest.

Story Summary: Jazz, Sam, and Tucker manage to help Danny escape the GIW, but they can't follow him and are under too much surveillance to communicate with each other. Sam snuck Danny a phone as he ran and Jazz sends him a text every day, hoping to hear he is all right. But he's not the one getting the texts.

Jason was away for several months on a mission with the Outlaws. When he finally returns home, he is surprised to find dozens of messages from an unknown number begging a Danny to tell her he's okay. Looks like there's not going to be a break between missions this time around.

Chapter 1: AO3, Tumblr

Chapter 2: First, Previous

Word Count: 1.3k

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“Five months ago, he disappeared. I’d already started college, so I wasn’t home. But Sam and Tucker reached out and the three of us began searching. It… It took three weeks to find him. And another week to get him out. In that time… What we found… It wasn’t pretty. The guys in white—” Jazz cut herself off. That day would forever be branded into her memory and featured in far too many nightmares.

Todd made an encouraging noise, but didn’t interrupt.

Jazz took a steadying breath and forced herself to continue. “It wasn’t easy breaking in. And even harder breaking out. Danny was hurt and the agents were chasing us. We had on masks, but they knew who we were. We managed to cause some chaos, though. Released all the ghosts they had prisoner to mess up their scanners. Send them running in every direction.

“It was almost enough. We all got out of the building. But they’d figured out our path and were waiting for us. Sam, Tucker, and I managed to hold them back. Sending Danny ahead alone with the go bag we’d prepared him. He was supposed to either get back to Amity and cross the portal into the Infinite Realms or run north to meet up with the other Dani.”

“But he didn’t make it,” said Todd. A statement rather than a question.

“We don’t know. He never made it to Dani. And due to the breakout, the guys in white placed the town on high alert. There’s checks for everyone entering or leaving the town. If you’re suspected of pro-ghost sentiment, you’ll be brought in for questioning. Ghost shields are everywhere. Sam’s parents withdrew her from school because they didn’t trust her to follow the new rules.” She gave a watery laugh. “They were probably right. Then Tucker was offered a scholarship for a tech school in California. I was escorted back to Boston. Only time I went back was for his funeral.”

Todd nodded. “And they’re in your phones and computers so you can’t talk to each other.”

Jazz smiled wryly. “Yep. Tucker could’ve, probably has, developed something. A messaging program or whatever. But without being able to meet up with us to download it to our devices—” she shrugged “—we’ve no way to get it.”

“Okay, so we’ll start there. Restoring contact should be fairly easy if you all want it—”

“We do!”

“But I’m also worried about your safety. What will happen to you after you ditched your guard today?”

Jazz shrugged. “They’ll bring me in for questioning. Probably make me miss a quiz or something important for school to make it extra inconvenient.”

“What will the questioning entail?”

Jazz bit her lip and shrugged. “Before? Sitting me in an uncomfortable metal chair in an interrogation room like you might see on TV and keeping me there for… oh, up to twenty-four hours? Whenever my parents would find out and barge in yelling at them about how ‘No Fenton would support a ghost!’ or whatever. Now? I don’t know.”

“Do you think they’ll hurt you?” asked Todd. He was frowning. “After your brother, it sounds like they are capable of it.”

Jazz held out her hands. “Depends on if they know I’m liminal or not. I’m not as bad as you are. And especially no where near Danny’s level. I don’t think they’ve been able to detect it yet. But if they have their instruments that close and me captive for that long? I… I don’t know.”

Todd nodded. “That’s what I was afraid of. Look, they don’t know where we are right now and don’t have the means to find us at the moment. I can get you out of here. To a safe house in Gotham or Metropolis or, hell, anywhere you want. And we can reach out to Red Robin, see how things are going with your friend Tucker. Maybe extract him as well.”

Jazz’s mouth fell open. They could… get away? For good? To a Justice League level safe house? She burst into tears.

She might be able to see her friends again soon.

Todd moved so he was sitting next to her. Hesitantly, he put a hand on her shoulder. “So I take it you want to do that?”

Jazz nodded, then shook her head. “I don’t—I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know?”

Jazz sniffed. “I just—It’ll make it easier to find Danny. If we’re together. If we have to go somewhere.” She shook her head. “God, I’m going to sound like such a bitch. I love Danny. If it’s what we have to do to get him back, yes. Absolutely. But… It’s just… My degree. If I disappear halfway through the year for who-knows-how-long? I’ve been working to get into Harvard since I was ten years old. Since long before Danny had his accident.” She scrubbed at her eyes. “God, I’m such a bitch. My brother needs me. And if I go back, I’ll probably be detained long enough it’ll impact my grades anyway. And that’s if the Guys in White don’t just lock me up indefinitely.”

“You’re not a bitch,” said Todd, voice filled with some emotion she couldn’t put a name to. “Like you said, this has been your dream for practically half your life. But I think we can help you with that.”

She looked up at him in surprise. “How?”

Todd grinned. “I doubt your school would be able to complain or hold it against you if I had Kori—Starfire—tell them that you were needed for an urgent Titans mission. That you helped save the lives of countless people. Way I see it, they’d have to forgive your abandoned classes and allow you to retake them.” He hummed and looked up. “In fact, I’m pretty sure we could find a Justice League fund to pay for at least one semester of classes for you. Probably more. To make up for the money lost on this one.”

Jazz’s mouth fell open. “You’d do that? For me?”

“And your brother and sister and friends. It’s kinda what we do.”

Jazz nodded. “Yes, please. If you can do that, I’ll go with zero hesitation. I’d have given it all up for Danny, of course. But we’d both… not regret it. But he’d feel guilty he forced me to give up my degree and I’d always be a little resentful I had to. Not towards him, never towards him, but the Guys in White and Vlad and my parents.”

“Great. I’m going to call Arsenal and Starfire. I need one of them to get my car anyway. Left it parked back near our meeting place and I don’t think we should be going back anywhere near there if we can avoid it.”

“Then what?”

“Then I’ll reach out to Red Robin, see what happened when he went to meet up with your friend Tucker out in San Francisco. See if they’re up for an extraction as well. If I gave you a phone, would you be able to reach out to Dani-with-an-I?” He grimaced. “Do you have any other way to differentiate them?”

Jazz chuckled wetly. “Nope. Dani-with-an-I refuses to change her name. Says it’s her name and she’s not going to change it just because someone else had it first. And Danny-with-a-y hates going by Daniel or Dan. When they’re together, they drive us crazy with it.”

Todd grumbled something under his breath. “Fine, whatever. Just, do you have a way to contact her?”

Jazz nodded. “We’ve been too scared to, but if you can get me something with an internet connection, I can contact her and have her meet us somewhere.”

“Easy. I’ll have Arsenal bring us something that you can have to yourself rather than relying on borrowing our phones or computers.”

“Thank you. You didn’t have to do this, but thanks.”

Todd shrugged and stood. “I wasn’t going to just ignore you after seeing those messages. Now, try and get some sleep. It’ll be a few hours before my friends can get here.”

-----

And that brings us to the end of Chapter 2!

Hope you enjoy. We've got the beginnings of a plan set up.

Check out the subscription post if you want notifications when I update!

[marsupieaux]

Using this inaugural grad school tumblr post to just yell about my woes bc idk, life is objectively not bad but I am really feeling the frustrations of living in a new city and the time crunch of only having 2 years in this mf.. mostly just feel old and lonely, and I can't think of a sadder more pathetic combo ~

on the plus side: i've never been hotter in my entire life, i finally found a groove and a crumb of inspiration in my coursework, arguably had the best summer of my life meeting new friends, and even more debatedly experienced a type of romantic connection for the first time in nearly a decade that i actually believed in.

what sucks is a lot, but lets start with that this masters program is presenting a lot more annoying and (frankly) heartbreaking challenges than i anticipated that have fractured my perception of this place and my purpose being here. i had such high hopes and expectations and truly just fantasized about this opportunity for years, and now that i'm here, i just feel more let down than inspired. at least for right now. i don't know if this is for me; i feel like i can be successful at it, forsure, but i end most days feeling empty inside. at least a little bit. i'm adding all these caveats bc it's true, some days and mb even quite often i can find something positive about this experience and how i'm growing bc of it, but good lord.. i do not fuck with at least half of the people im obligated to interact with in this program, everybody kinda already has their own people and i don't feel like there's opportunity for me to actually find friends to be with, and the coursework itself was off to a bumpy start and is just not giving what i thought it would. i'm mustering up the patience to push thru this bc i know it's not even a month in, but fuck! i'm lonely and old and i only have 2 years here to make the most of it.

secondly, and i'm probably gonna just word-vomit right now bc i'm still not entirely sure of what to make of things, but i definitely got my little heart broken recently. i started going on dates with a guy in an open relationship, and long story short, i for some reason was led to believe that maybe i could be his boyfriend too. it turns out that was never the case and probably won't ever be the case. i'm trying to make peace with that fact bc, like, i obviously respect that boundary and the kind of love that this person and their partner have with one another, but fuck! what the fuck were we doing all summer long then? just opening up our hearts to one another, sucking each other's dicks, going on picnic dates, kissing and cuddling in our beds—doing all of this just for fun?

i'll forever be grateful that this person touched my heart and helped me unearth a side of myself that i hadn't experienced in so fucking long. like, just genuinely grateful bc romantic love has felt so weird and shameful and like something i had to forbid myself from experiencing. and so when i got to really feel that feeling again... i felt so lucky and so happy and so grateful. but fuck! now i'm left with lingering hopes and mixed emotions about it all. did he lead me to believe that this could've been something greater? or is it more that i walked into this blithely ignorant, setting myself up for disaster? idk what version of reality stings the most. i wanna believe in not just the goodness of this person's heart but also the righteousness of it, idk. if i liked him so much.. if i trusted him like i did, then how could he do this to me? i say this jokingly but also not, i am just a baby when it comes to dating again. and i also wanna believe that i did the right thing, chased after love rather than ran from it. that i was brave and gentle and that it was okay to let my guard down for once bc i was gonna get the ending that i deserve. i spent years, especially the last 1.75, building myself back up to a place to let this kind of romantic love back into my life. i finally felt confident and ready. to think that i myself made a mistake and played with my own heart... that just makes me hate myself with how much disappointment I feel.

just so im clear with myself, i do believe that i'm coping much better with these stresses in my life much better than i ever would have before. *screams internally* but it sure as FUCK isn't any easier. i think i would be in a much better head space if i felt like i had a stronger network of friends here, but i just don't have that. and my own network of amazing beautiful loving friends and family—they're just so far and have their own things going on. with time, they're all growing more in their romantic partnerships and other friendships nearer to them in a way that's so cool to bare witness, but it also means that i get left further and further behind. im not asking to be more of a priority in their lives by any means, but shit i guess i wish that i even had anybody that saw me in that way. someone or some kind of community that i can feel connected with and love on back. i fear that i don't rly have that anymore. it's hard to find that again in new places, too.

i'm cautiously optimistic. i've been hurt and scorned and disappointed, but i don't think i'll turn (prolongedly, incessantly) weak or sour. life is always gonna remind me that i can't have it all, but god damn it, this is all that i got. i'm gonna find the wherewithal to persevere even if it means fashioning out of my ass the inspiration and purpose to keep going. like mitski said, you kinda just have to buckle up and take the good that comes with the bad. so if these first few weeks i find myself white knuckling my way to peace and happiness, then so fucking be it. by any means necessary, im gonna be okay.

i'm gonna be okay.

[ashack11]

Normally I prefer to lurk in the background here on Tumblr, but today, I am burdening you all with my *literary analysis* of Better Call Saul that I have been thinking about non-stop since the end of Season 5. You’re welcome… sorry…

Kim's Fate and the Sweetheart of Song Tra Bong

The Sweetheart of Song Tra Bong is a chapter/short story from Tim O'Brien's book, *The Things They Carried*. If you haven't read the book, I highly recommend you do, it's phenomenal. The book is semi-autobiographical and draws on magical realism to tell the story of O'Brien's deployment in Vietnam and is a stunning reflection on war and human nature.

You can read this particular story here for free. I highly recommend you read it yourself if this interests you, it's only 20 pages. A soldier, Mark Fossie, is stationed with his company at a compound in Tra Bong, Vietnam. The compound didn't see much war and was seen as a safe place to be. The Alpha Company lives in relative peace there, accompanied by the 'Greenies', the Green Berets who keep to themselves and get up to some particularly fucked up shit.

Mark gets the idea to bring his high school sweetheart, Mary Anne Bell, from the US to Vietnam and to the compound.

“Look, if you think about it," \[Mark\] said, "it's not that crazy. You could actually do it."

“Do what?" Rat said.

"You know. Bring in a girl. I mean, what's the problem?"

Rat shrugged. "Nothing. A war."

"Well, see, that's the thing," Mark Fossie said. "No war here. You could really do it. A pair of solid brass balls, that's all you'd need."

Mark's concern with bringing Mary Anne to Vietnam is that she could be put in danger. A few weeks later, Mary Anne Bell arrives. She's 17, she's beautiful and blonde, and wearing culottes. She's certainly out of place here.

At first, things are going well. Mary Anne gets along with the rest of the company, there are no attacks on the compound, and she seems happy to be there with Mark. Mary Anne is curious : she shows interest in understanding the war and the country.

“The war intrigued her. The land, too, and the mystery."

“A strange thing to watch, Rat said. This seventeen-year-old doll in her goddamn culottes, perky and fresh-faced, like a cheerleader visiting the opposing team's locker room. Her pretty blue eyes seemed to glow. She couldn't get enough of it."

Mary Anne is smart and picks up on things quickly. She helps treat injured soldiers coming into the compound, "not afraid to get her hands bloody... She didn't back off the ugly cases"

"In times of action her face took on a sudden new composure, almost serene, the fuzzy blue eyes narrowing into a tight, intelligent focus. Mark Fossie would grin at this. He was proud, yes, but also amazed. A different person, it seemed, and he wasn't sure what to make of it."

Mary Anne "quickly fell into the behaviors of the bush" and Mark begins to show concern, suggests maybe it's time for her to go home and Mary Anne responds "Everything I want is right here".

Mary Anne begins spending less time with Mark, at times he doesn't know where she goes. He finds out she's been joining the Green Berets on ambushes at night.

This change alarms Mark, he thinks Mary Anne is in too deep. They fight, Mark tries to pull her back from the edge but she refuses. She leaves with the Greenies on another mission and when she returns, Mark goes to confront her in the Berets' encampment. In their final confrontation, he finds the Greenies' fucked up collection of war crime evidence, a leopard's head on a stick, the room is dark and Mary Anne is chanting something. She's wearing a necklace of human tongues.

And now, we finally hear from Mary Anne. She's finally able to be honest with Mark.

“There's no sense talking," she said. "I know what you think, but it's not... it's not bad."

“Bad?" Fossie murmured.

"It's not."

In the shadows there was laughter.

One of the Greenies sat up and lighted a cigar. The others lay silent.

"You're in a place," Mary Anne said softly, "where you don't belong." ...

"You just don't know," she said. "You hide in this little fortress, behind wire and sandbags, and you don't know what it's all about. Sometimes I want to eat this place. Vietnam. I want to swallow the whole country—the dirt, the death—I just want to eat it and have it there inside me. That's how I feel. It's like . . . this appetite. I get scared sometimes—lots of times—but it's not bad. You know? I feel close to myself. When I'm out there at night, I feel close to my own body, I can feel my blood moving, my skin and my fingernails, everything, it's like I'm full of electricity and I'm glowing in the dark—I'm on fire almost—I'm burning away into nothing—but it doesn't matter because I know exactly who I am. You can't feel like that anywhere else."

Mark leaves Mary Anne to stay with Greenies and she’s absorbed into the war.

Better Call Saul

I can't stop thinking about this story in relation to Kim. Kim is a perplexing character. It can be difficult to understand her choices, in part because we've heard so little from her in regards to what she truly wants.

We know that in the past couple of seasons, Kim has been more willing to partake and even orchestrate Jimmy's scams (Lubbock, Coushatta, escalating to fucking over Howard). She initially says that she only wants to 'use their powers for good', but her actions don't reflect that (and in that diner scene, Jimmy does confront her on it). I think that's what she believes, that she can tip the scales of justice when it helps people who need it. But there's obviously another motivation at play. Why go after Howard so hard? What does Kim *want?*

Putting a pin in that, let's look at Kim's introduction to 'the game'. Since their first confrontation with Lalo, we've seen a very different side of Kim. She's dogged and uncompromising, and, I think, reinvigorated. And when Mike tells her she’s made of sterner stuff?? She’s GLOWING.

Okay, here's my proposed connection : Jimmy, like Mark, was concerned that bringing Kim into 'the game' would put her in danger, potentially at Lalo's hands. But we're seeing Kim begin to change, her behavior is more assured and more reckless. She doesn't recoil from the cartel dealings, but instead challenges Jimmy "Do you want to be a friend of the cartel or a rat?".

Maybe the danger in introducing Kim to 'the game' wasn't the threat of physical harm, but that she could transform, like Mary Anne. Maybe the cartel is her Vietnam. We know Kim is pushing their scams further, and her moral anchor of assuring herself she's 'doing the right thing' is becoming more and more distant, just a throwaway justification for doing what she actually wants. This is especially supported by her ditching the Santa Fe meeting. Working with the cartel represents danger and power. If that's what Kim is addicted to and what she's turned on by, she could be seduced by the cartel, and by Lalo in particular, to work for them.

Jimmy doesn't belong to the cartel underworld, but maybe Kim does.

That's it, that's the post. Sorry it got so long. Go read The Things They Carried if you haven't, it's an incredible book. I also wrote this around episode 3 this season, so Howie’s “narrative conclusion” and where it’s leading next isn’t really accounted for.

[asterekmess]

Been seeing you getting hate mail and while I absolutely can't understand why anyone would go to all the trouble to make some one else feel bad... I also kinda really love the discourse on Scott? Like YOUR RANTS oh man. On point. Always. Tbh I tried giving Scott a chance... He is the main char after all... But I was like??? Wtf? That dude does nothing but refute others and does whatever he wants. And this was when I didn't particularly like Stiles either (first time watching Teen Wolf). But then I got to know more of him and like Tony he went asshole to lovable asshole—seriously, Stiles might not be the ‘nicest’ but he tries and his heart is in good place—while Scott is just... self-righteous. Someone pointed out that he sees people as possessions and that irks me too that I can actually see it being true. The dude has literally nothing going on except for being the one that gets bitten. And the Romeo-and-Juliet-esque romance he has.

Okay, okay, where was I going with this?? Right. LOVE YOUR RANTS. People need to understand that Scott not being liked isn't because of his race or anything trivial like it—he just happens to be—but because of his actions. Or inactions, as it were. *remembers the pool scene and Scott saying he's busy and resists the urge to chuck a shoe at him*

Basically, love you, love your work, and love your words! ❤️

I've talked with some friends about it, and our number one issue sort of...boiled down to the hypocrisy of the show? I....sort of rant a lot here, and I would add a Read More, but I can't find the option anymore?? I fucking hate Tumblr. EDIT: I found a post that told me how to do it!

So, since he's the character I focus on the most, let's talk about Stiles' morality. Because, you're right. Stiles is an asshole. He does some fucking awful shit in the first season, and even if he had a Reason to do it, it was still bad. And I still don't like it. But I understand it.

Stiles' lack of shits about what is 'lawful' is literally established in the first ten seconds of the show. He's a sheriff's son who sneaks onto people's roofs in the middle of the night bc they aren't answering his calls, who listens in on his dad's work conversations and is willing to fuck up a crime scene because he's so excited about getting to see a dead body. He doesn't care about laws. He doesn't even care about most basic manners (invasion of privacy much, with having Scott sniff Lydia to see if she liked him?). He's a dickhead, even to the people he cares about sometimes. But personality and morality aren't the same. Stiles' entire actual morality system is based around whatever he needs to do to keep the people he loves safe and happy. Lying to his dad so he doesn't get murdered by hunters? Totally fine. Telling Scott that it was "Jackson's own fault" that Scott attacked him with superstrength and dislocated his shoulder, so Scott doesn't feel like an asshole? That's just best friend duties! He will lie, steal, cheat, and he will kill to keep his loved ones safe (let's not forget this boy threw molotovs at Peter, knowing damn well what they would do to him). We can headcanon all we want about all the different people who are in this group of loved ones, but the list is canonically very short: Scott, his dad, and Lydia. Later on, like, past s3B? It includes Derek. Canonically. Stiles puts his life and the lives of others he cares about on the line while he lies to the matriarch of the Calavera hunter clan, to save Derek Hale. Derek is just canonically a part of that group now, and he fucking knows it bc Stiles is his anchor (that's canon too bb). End of Story, Sterek or no Sterek. It's why we get that insane number of lookbacks when Derek is dying before his evolution. Because Stiles is being forced to choose between two people who are BOTH in his ride-or-die group. He Cannot Pick between Scott and Derek, until Derek begs him to leave.

SO, yes, Stiles does fuckface things, and I don't always agree with what he does, but it is ACCURATE TO HIS CHARACTER. He is morally grey. He NEVER CLAIMS to be pure or good or just or righteous. Stiles knows who he is, and he stays true to himself. And I love him for that.

The same goes for a bunch of other characters! For Peter, who is strikingly similar to Stiles, in that family goes above literally everything. Screw the idea that he was following Derek around waiting for the chance to steal back the Alpha spark. That man put his life on the line (his second life, no less) to get the shit beaten out of him until Derek let him help save Derek's life Again and Again. Family Comes First.

Scott's morality is...confusing as fuck. I thought at first he was similar to Stiles, in that family came first, but...while he's protective of his mother, he also does a lot of stuff that puts her at risk without seeming to care/worry (like leaving Peter alone with her once Stiles hits their car, so he can chase Jackson) (or asking her to come to the high school when he's convinced there's a bomber in it)? Seriously, he's more protective over Allison, than his mother. It's very black and white the rest of the time. Very "this bad" "this good." And if you do "bad" then you are bad forever, while if you do "good" you are only good until you do "bad." The Betas were "good" until they asked for the bite, and then they were "Bad." Derek was "bad" when Scott met him and scared him, so after that, no matter how much "good" he did, he remained "bad." But only when it suits him. Allison is good even when she does bad, because he wants her to be good. Chris is good even though he's done mountains of bad, because of the minuscule amount of good that Scott has seen him do, because Scott wants him to be good. Even DEUCALION is good, despite the crazy CRAZY amount of bad he's done and despite having seen him do NO GOOD, just because Scott wants him to be good. Lying to those closest to you is bad, unless Scott is doing it, and then it's good, because he knows HE is good. Killing people is bad, unless Scott is doing it. Letting villains go is bad, unless Scott is doing it. Biting people is bad, unless Scott is doing it. Protecting family is good even if it requires killing or lying, unless it's not Scott doing it. Revenge for past slights is good, unless it's not SCOTT doing it. And you try to understand it! You try to say, okay, then he's morally grey, got it. He plays with the rules to suit his own morality, whatever. Except that Scott, the other characters, and THE SHOW ITSELF, are all telling you otherwise! They all say that Scott is morally pure. That he is good and righteous and lawful. That he always does the "right" thing, and that when he does "bad" things, it's justified and he had to. THE HEAVENS THEMSELVES say Scott is somehow better or more righteous than the other characters by MAKING HIM AN ALPHA OUT OF NOWHERE. (I'm talking abt canon here, not going into deaton conspiracy theories) It's like....Like in the hate mail response I did, where I pointed out that Every Single Thing people get angry at Derek for doing, Scott did too. Lying, killing (or at least attempting it), attacking innocents, losing his temper, keeping secrets, refusing to work with someone who could help, etc etc etc. Everything Derek has done that is morally "wrong," Scott has also done. And that's okay! Doing a bad thing doesn't make you a bad person, and even if it did, Scott is ALLOWED to be bad! GO FOR IT.

Except that he is sinless. It isn't that he learns from the bad things he does, it's that they aren't treated like bad things in the first place. Because Scott did it, and Scott always does the right thing.

Derek's behavior is reprehensible at times, but the show ADMITS that and frames it as bad. Frames it as him doing a bad thing when he scares Isaac or throws Peter or tells Erica who to date. And that's fine, because Derek is established as not being morally pure.

But SCOTT IS. And because they were so desperate to make him continue being "Pure" they didn't frame the things he did as wrong, or if they did, they absolved him of it immediately, using the exact same reasoning that works for Derek's situations, but this time Actually Accepting it.

He scares Stiles, well it's because he's scared. He throws Isaac, it's because he's upset. He attacks Jackson well it's because Jackson was being a dick. He orders Allison to date Matt, well he had a goal to accomplish. Every reason is treated like a fucking doctor's note that erases the bad things he does.

Being scared, or angry, or retaliating to someone being an asshole, or trying to protect himself, was NEVER a good enough reason for Derek to do ANYTHING "Bad." It was never an acceptable excuse.

IF IT WERE: If the show were making a statement about how fallable people are, how they do bad things, but they do them for a REASON. How people will do wild and terrible things out of fear, and how that doesn't make it less bad, but it makes it understandable, so don't demonize them out of nowhere. If that were the case, I would HAVE BEEN FINE WITH IT.

Scott is held to COMPLETELY different standards than everyone else in the show! And I DON'T mean that people held him to higher ones. They dropped that bar so fucking low. Anything was allowed, and any excuse was good enough.

He made out with a girl who was dating someone else, who his best friend was in love with? It's just the full moon, he's angsty about losing Allison. He ducttapes Liam to a bathtub and starts throwing random phrases at him that he hated Derek for saying to him? He's freaked out! He doesn't know what to do with a bitten wolf! It was an accident! He works with a mass murderer behind people's backs without telling them the whole story? Am I talking about Gerard or Deucalion? Who fucking knows. Either way, it's okay, because he was protecting his family. He plots to murder a cancer patient slowly and painfully by replacing meds that likely included painkillers with mountain ash, and the uses someone else's body to deliver the killing blow, and it's okay because he was just being smart! He was just working ten steps ahead! He was saving his mom and the whole town! Who cares if it DIDN"T WORK?

He walks into his ex-girlfriend's hotel room and scares the SHIT out of her while she's naked and alone in the shower? It was the wolfsbane. It doesn't matter that no one else's impulses included HARASSING someone. He lies to his girlfriend's face about her own life because he doesn't think it's important enough for her to know (who am I talking about, come on, take a guess, which one is it? Allison or Kira? Trick question: it's both). He was just being kind! He didn't want to worry her! He didn't want to make her feel bad! She didn't need to know!

I'm so far off track it's not even funny. My point was that Everything the other characters in the show are demonized for or framed as evil or bad or wrong for doing, Scott is shown to do and it's treated like at minimum a comedy, if not a Perfect Brilliant Strategic Move.

God, fucking hell. I mean, the PARALLELS you see in this show, between Scott and others. The scene of Alexander Argent going to the hotel after being bit? That bit where he pulls his shirt up in the mirror? It's a near PERFECT replica of Scott looking at his bite at Deaton's. They paralleled SCOTT MCCALL with AN ARGENT. Deaton has this whole line in S2 where he's bitching at Derek about "the person you should trust the most doesn't trust you at all" And then seasons later, we have Scott look his best friend in the eye and refuse to trust him, only to get upset later because Stiles doesn't want to work with him anymore and he "lost them." Scott goes running into Derek's house in S1 to accuse him of killing the bus driver, and when he can't get a real response, he EGGS HIM ON by accusing him of Murdering his SISTER, just to get Derek to react. Which is the EXACT same thing Kate did when she showed up and wanted Derek to lose his temper. Scott is CONSTANTLY paralleled with villains and assholes, and constantly does the things that others are persecuted for. But instead of feeling regret or learning something from it, instead of growing AT ALL. Those actions are treated as good. We are told they are righteous. And clever. That they are what heroes do. AND YES: There are parallels between Derek and Stiles' behaviors and villains/morally grey characters! Of course there are!

BUT THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THE TRUE ALPHA MAIN CHARACTER. SCOTT IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOOD GUY. HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO MIMIC/EMULATE THE VILLAINS, AND HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE REWARDED WHEN HE DOES IT ANYWAY.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I understand the urge to think that the Teen Wolf writers did all of this on purpose. That they built Scott up as an unreliable narrator, so that we're forced to come to terms with a protagonist who isn't good, and we watch them fall into a villainous role while thinking all the while they are a hero. That all these parallels are intentional and the writers just couldn't Tell us what was going on bc they didn't have enough power.

And sometimes I play into it. I will lie to myself about Scott being the 'narrator' of the entire show, and that we're seeing it all through his eyes so of course things are biased and conflicting, just so I can actually Enjoy watching it.

But I think it's absolute bullshit that this was done on purpose. It wasn't. The parallels appeared because they Wanted Scott to do the badass things that they had all the villains doing, throwing people and being sneaky and clever, and stopping the bad guy, and they didn't want to deal with the fact that they were having him do bad things. So they just pretended he wasn't and refused to acknowledge that they'd already punished other people for doing the same exact shit, but somehow Scott was getting rewarded. They wanted Scott to be the hero, so they made him the hero, and screw everybody else.

[arigatouiris]

chasing lights // tsukishima kei x reader

Author’s Note: My country’s been on lockdown for close to a month now and my mind is fried. I haven’t been productive, anxiety has been off the charts so I started watching Haikyuu to ease the tension in my head. Also, the fact that I haven’t been active on tumblr makes me sad, but help a writer out a bit and tell me what you think? You have no idea how strong your comments are. Thanks ya’ll. 

Word count: 2598

Pairing: (soft?) Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Warnings: slight angst to fluff, angsty thoughts, mentions of insecurity

There wasn’t a lot of things Tsukishima Kei regretted in his life. 

Maybe, he sometimes regretted the repressed anger he sometimes showed towards his brother, and sometimes he regretted snapping at his friends (or Tadashi, because let’s face it, he doesn’t easily consider a lot of people his friends). However, one of the biggest things Tsukishima Kei regretted just before entering high school was rejecting your confession.

It had been an entire semester post your final year at middle school. You were close friends with Tadashi, and since it had been a whole year being friends with him, you were introduced to his rather cold and standoffish friend, Kei, in your second year of middle school. You immediately took a liking to this boy, who seemed a challenge in your eyes, not backing down with how unapologetically original he seemed to be. Tsukishima Kei was one of those people you wouldn’t worry about lying to you, because he just didn’t do that sort of thing. 

But, seems like you misstepped when your confession reached the hard end of the stick. Your eyes were wide as Tsukishima clicked his tongue and called it almost moronic to have feelings for someone who doesn’t feel the same. He didn’t explicitly say he didn’t like you back, but ridiculed the entire ordeal of it. 

     “I can’t believe... No, as a matter of fact, I can believe that you’d say something like this, Tsukki.” 

Your words haunt him till date. 

He was now in High School, and as fate would allow it (or punish him, for that matter), you were there too. Tadashi never spoke a word in edgewise at how ruined your relationship was with Tsukishima, but left matters to how they should be. 

The fact of the matter was this and it was fairly simple: Tsukishima Kei was borderline obsessed with you. 

It might have had to do with how simple you were yet how elegantly you carried that simplicity. You were openly friendly where he was not, ready to smile, accept a challenge, soft and gentle yet bold and confident in so many ways that it drove him insane when he realized that just thinking of you is enough to pass the time. You were on his mind when he listened to music, or went on walks and Tsukishima would be lying if he didn’t have at least four playlists dedicated to you, each assorted according to the season. 

He even remembered the scent of your hair—that gloriously sweet fig and honey essence from your shampoo. He had no idea what it was, but he remembered calling you out on it. He remembered being so accurate that you called him a creep. He was beaming with pride on the inside, but you would never know. 

Now, one can wonder why Tsukishima turned you down even though he felt this way about you. 

He wondered that and regretted that same detail over and over again. He watched you sometimes, heading to the library with your friends, eating lunch with them, rushing to the vending machine during breaks, reading a book and yawning thinking no one else was looking, almost drifting off to sleep in class—every little detail that you believed no one noticed, Tsukishima did, and god, you broke his heart without even trying.

In many bittersweet ways, he knew he didn’t deserve you. You were beautiful; and it wasn’t just superficial beauty, you were so kind, you were a wonder to both Tadashi and himself—having entered their lives randomly. He would be forever grateful to Tadashi for introducing him to you, but such words couldn’t be spoken because you were someone who needed to face a light brighter than him. 

But it was until high school did he realize that there was one such light. And it scared him to no end that maybe, just maybe, you’d find that burning brighter instead.

*

You would be lying if you said you were over Tsukishima Kei, the boy that broke your heart so devastatingly back in middle school. You still spoke to Tadashi and often asked him about the blond boy, but that was perhaps all you were allowed to ask—you couldn’t ask for more. 

Tadashi could see how much it hurt you to even talk about Kei, but you did, you endured because every inch of you genuinely cared for him—you saw how troubled he was over a few things that he thought you didn’t know; you saw how much thought he put into practice, and you knew how much it shattered him to learn the truth of his brother. Tadashi offered to lend you a comforting shoulder to cry on, but you were not the sort to spill your emotions for self-gratification. You carried them because you did not regret them, and that was perhaps the biggest difference between you and Tsukishima. 

You were lost in thought one day when you bumped into Kei in the corridor. You gasped before letting out a meek sounding apology, battling within yourself over whether you make small talk or not. He probably hates small talk, you told yourself before scooting over and walking past him, not noticing how he was as still as a rock just where he stood. Looking down at your feet, you felt tears well up in your eyes from the pent-up frustration over how ruined things were with your crush and your old friend (who happened to be the same person), but a thud sound caught your ear.

You paused before turning to your right and noticing a small boy, your age perhaps but considerably short compared to a few boys you knew, bouncing a ball against the wall repeatedly. He had bright orange hair and his eyes were dead fixed at the ball, conviction screaming from his fingers and his aura, this boy wasn’t going to be distracted even if a meteor was crashing to the earth. Your lips parted a bit, fascinated at how he kept going—wasn’t it a break right now? What was he even trying to do? Isn’t volleyball a team game? What’s he doing practicing on his own? 

Does Tsukki know him—

You snapped out of your thoughts before rushing to class, unaware that Tsukishima had witnessed this entire ordeal. He would never admit it in a million years but his heart shattered at the sight of your mesmerised gaze at Hinata, the light he was so scared of losing you to. And now—it was actually happening right before his eyes.

He clicked his tongue and walked to class. 

The next day, you spotted the orange haired kid again, doing the same thing. You heard from Tadashi that your team had moved on to the Spring Tournament, something you were a tad bit ashamed you didn’t know on your own, but you tended to stray away from all things Volleyball because of a certain someone. You noticed that this orange kid seemed a lot more exhausted, causing you to blink and look down at what you were currently holding—vanilla flavored milk. Sighing, you walked over to the boy who wasn’t taking a break and stood right behind him.

     “Excuse me—”

Screaming, he dropped the ball on his head, which went tumbling away, causing your eyes to widen with guilt for interrupting his flow. Turning to you, while rubbing the new sore spot on his head, his eyes widened and you noticed his face turned a dark shade of red. No girl had voluntarily approached him and spoken to him—his life was finally reaching a turning point!

You handed him the vanilla milk with a soft smile, “Here. You look tired.”

     “A princess!” He screeched before you giggled at his response.

     “I saw that you were practising yesterday too, on your own. I wondered why you keep doing this? You have a team to practise with, don’t you?”

He nodded before wondering whether to take the milk or not. You giggled one last time before forcing it on to his hands, recalling at last that you hadn’t introduced yourself.

     “My name’s (l/n) (y/n), I’m in Yamaguchi’s class. We used to go to the same middle school.”

     “H-Hinata S-Shoyo!” He stammered before blinking and tilting his head, “Yamaguchi-kun? That means...” His eyes narrowed, “You must know Tsukishima too then.”

Your heart skipped a beat at the mere mention of the blond’s name and you wondered yet again for how long that dinosaur loving boy would have your heart react the way it was. You hoped that your face didn’t show any discomfort, and you smiled softly before desperately wanting to change the subject.

     “I gave you the milk to drink it, Hinata-kun.”

Shoyo let out a ‘gah’ before drinking it—almost as if he were doing it for you—and in a minute looked at you again. 

     “Why did you give this to me?”

You blinked, unsure of why yourself. There was something about Hinata that caught your eye, something that seemed...ethereal. Perhaps, it was because he was working on something he really loved, and he was doing it openly—unashamed of it, and how he contrasted the same love for the sport that Tsukishima seemed to have. Hinata was also shorter, much more cheerful, openly energetic and suddenly, your eyes widened.

You couldn’t be that shallow, right? 

Was your mind trying to compare Hinata to Tsukishima? Just so that you’d see that the difference was extreme? That you really weren’t missing out on anything? 

Hinata’s eyes shone like fire orbs while Tsukishima’s had a coldness to them that you thought you could penetrate with time. 

You could only smile at Hinata and say one thing, “You were shining too brightly.”

But deep in your heart, you knew what you were doing.

*

Tadashi and Tsukishima both witnessed your interaction with Hinata, but before Yamaguchi even could say a word, Tsukishima walked away. He didn’t want to get in between the both of you, but it was clearly only one person’s fault in this entire ordeal and whether it was cowardice or not, whether it was shame or something else, Kei was the one who needed to step up and take action. 

Tadashi could understand that sometimes, people wouldn’t know what to do. But, if Kei really wanted you to understand him better, which Tadashi knew he did, then he had to step up. 

Kei, on the other hand, was visibly seething. It wasn’t just the idea behind their names that bothered him, it was the contrasting personalities. It was how Kei knew deep down that you deserved someone who wasn’t so reserved, that you deserved someone who could unashamedly tell you what they think, instead of covering it up with layers and layers or rude comments or sarcasm. If this wasn’t cowardice, Kei didn’t understand what it could be. Hinata was bolder where Kei wasn’t and that was who he envisioned beside you. And even though Kei wanted to hold your hand and kiss you more than anything else, the truth was staring at him right in the eye.

At times he felt that he had almost rather not be in love with you, for it brought him no peace. What was the use of it, if it was only going to be painful?

And that was when he thought of it. He was going to tell you. He was going to tell you the next time fate decided to have your path cross his. He was going to blurt out everything that he thought of you, whether or not you’d accept his feelings, despite the shortcomings, despite the lack of conviction, despite not being Hinata. He was going to tell you he’s always been in love with you, as Tsukishima Kei, and see what you had to say.

Yet, fate didn’t see that happening any time soon. Weeks passed, and December was coming closer and closer. He was selected for a 5-day training camp, yet there was no sign of fate even attempting to pin you toward him. He knew this was merely an excuse; he knew that putting this on fate meant that he was, in a way, running away from it. He noticed that you were on a first name basis with Hinata and that angered him. He noticed how you’d wave at the orange haired munchkin every time you pass him by, and how you’d divert your eyes away from Kei’s whenever you even came close. 

Perhaps, what really drove him to the edge was one small incident. It was something Kei believed he was the only one allowed to know. 

     “Your hair smells like... honey?”

Before you could say anything, Kei’s voice reached out louder than you’ve ever heard him be.

     “(y/n)!” 

He wasn’t too far behind, and it was very, very unlike him to yell out your first name when he hasn’t even spoken to you properly in close to a year. Your eyes widen as your gaze lands on Tsukishima’s, Hinata was baffled as well but was quiet for his own reasons, and you could feel your insides shaking.

     “Tsukishima-kun?” 

He hated it. He hated how he had suddenly fallen from being ‘Tsukki’ to a name that reminded him of how close you were with Hinata, no, Shoyo-kun instead.

     “I need to talk to you.”

His words were convincing enough, and you quickly followed him. No one else paid any attention to the weird interaction, lunch breaks were fairly noisier than Tsukishima calling out your name by standing just five feet away from you.

     “Tsukishima—”

When he decided you two were alone enough, he turned and looked down at you, a scowl plastered on his face. You knew that this was sometimes a default expression, but it’s been months and you didn’t want the boy you were so helplessly in love with to look at you like you were trash.

But then, something miraculous happened. His expression waned and you could see a hurt look sit on his features, his hand reached out to you, almost hesitant, and touched the tip of your fingers. He took a deep breath and you almost smelt it. 

The thought you had when you first met Shoyo. Of their names contrasting. Tsukishima didn’t have to say a word.

     “I’m afraid...” He let out, gulping. “I’m afraid I can’t catch up.”

To what?

Shoyo.

Oh.

You looked up at him and wondered if this was why. If this was why he had turned you down, if this was what was haunting him then was he really, really so hellbent on punishing himself as if no one else noticed?

     “I think,” Your hands wound around the fingers close to you. “I like this light better.”

Tsukishima hated the way you always caught his breath the way you did. He hated how accurately placed your emotions were, he hated the way you felt, he hated how good your shampoo smelled and what he hated the most out of everything was how he desperately needed your affection. 

He craved it, all for himself. You were made for him, and that was how he saw it and as cheesy as these thoughts were, it was a balance he was yearning for and he saw it all in you.

     “Tsukki,” Ah, you were going to kill him one day. “Please, don’t push me away?”

A question. 

He sighed. He looked at your linked hands. Stepping forward, his lips ghosted over your forehead before placing a soft kiss there, feeling the back of his eyelids burn as he shut his eyes.

Fig and honey. 

     “I don’t think that’s possible now.”

[ultadachi]

pentagon mafia au headcanon: how you met them

a/n: hi so this was requested buuuut the new tumblr fucked the formatting really bad when i tried to post it with the ask so i’m just gonna do it in a regular post lmao. but shoutout to the anon who requested this!!!!

Warnings: mafia stuff, and mentions of violence and murder

(these are based off of these mafia!ptg headcanons btw!!!)

-

Hui (The boss/leader)

You met him when your father wanted to make a deal with Hui’s group. In exchange for a treaty and some protection for his group, he’d give Hui your hand in marriage. You obviously weren’t happy about it but there wasn’t really anything you could do. But during your time before the wedding when you’d go off on dates with Hui to get to know him better, you found that he seemed to actually put in effort to get to know you, and he did seem to care -- even though he knew you clearly didn’t want to marry him. So to get you out of the deal, he ‘got rid’ of your father, knowing his mafia was too small and weak to do anything to himself or his own. In the end, you broke off the engagement, but you stayed with Hui because you had truly fallen for him. But this time, you’d go at a slower pace.

-

Jinho (The strategist)

You’d known Jinho for a while since you were apart of Hui’s mob. You were lower ranked than the main 9, but you tended to get called to the field a lot, which meant you had to work with Jinho quite a bit. Thankfully for him, you were a lot more competent than a lot of the field workers -- including some of the higher ranked guys like Hyojong. But you did tend to go against his orders just because of what you claimed was a “gut feeling” which really pushed his buttons. But your plans always worked out, which seemed to only annoy him further. But for some reason, you getting on his nerves while still being able to get your job done was what really intrigued him. You’ve had a ‘thing’ for a bit, keeping it a secret from Hui.

-

Hongseok (The medic)

Originally, you were the enemy. You worked for someone they were trying to catch, so they needed you back alive -- so maybe sending out Hyojong and Wooseok to do the job wasn’t the right move. You were immediately brought to the medical ward where you woke up to see Hongseok. At first, you didn’t tell anybody anything, and they couldn’t send you off to Changgu because you were still too badly injured. But after spending enough time in Hongseok’s care, you started to warm up to him. Somehow you managed to make a deal that if you could work for them instead, you’d tell them whatever they wanted to know. Now you go out in the field for Hui, and Hongseok can’t help but get especially worried whenever you leave or are brought to him after a mission.

-

Hyojong (The close combat/weapons specialist)

You’ve been his target for a while now, but the two of you seem to play this weird game of cat and mouse where he gets so close to catching you before you slip right through his fingers. Neither of you can tell if you’re letting him catch you for just a moment or if he’s letting you get away just to keep the chase going. But it’s definitely an unconventional way to flirt. But both of you know that at some point, he’ll have to either capture you or face serious consequences. But for now, you enjoy your childish little game.

-

Shinwon (The spy)

You had met him a year ago when he was undercover, and truthfully, he’s been partly undercover since he met you. He’s too afraid of telling you what he really does, so he’s been lying to you ever since you started dating. You simply think he just works awful work hours since he comes home late and leaves early. He knows he can’t lie to you forever, but he wants you to live in blissful ignorance for as long as possible.

-

Changgu (The torturer)

There really isn’t any cool story of how the two of you met. You worked as a bartender and he talked to you all night once when he came in with his rowdy friends. He asked you on a date and left you his number, and the rest is history. When you both wanted to get more serious, he was very upfront about being in the mafia, but he didn’t specify what he did -- which was good because his might’ve been one of the most fucked up jobs, but you wouldn’t be able to believe the soft and kind boy would be capable of capturing and torturing people -- and he promised to give you a better life than what you had. True to his word, you’ve been happy with Changgu for a while now.

-

Yanan (The sniper)

You quickly climbed the ranks in Hui’s group, and you’ve been avidly trying to take Yanan’s spot for months now. He’s the best sniper out there, and you’re about equal with him -- though Hui would never give up Yanan because it’s not just the fact he’s the best, but the fact he knows he can trust and rely on Yanan. But you’re out to not only outdo Yanan, but be the biggest pain in the ass you possibly can be. He might’ve even tried to take you out himself once, but if he’s the best sniper, you’re the best dodger.

-

Yuto (The hacker)

As a hacker, Yuto spends a lot of his time on his computer. And when he’s waiting around to do communications and recon from home while the rest of the group is out, he gets really bored. So he often plays video games, which is how he met you. You’ve had somewhat of a long distance relationship for about half a year, but you’ve been friends for over two. The only thing is that he has you convinced that he works as a video game programmer which is why he’s always so busy. But he figures since you’re so far away, his little white lie to protect you won’t be too bad.

-

Hyunggu (The versatile)

Kino’s always been a troubled kid in the sense that he got involved with the wrong people. That being said, he’s also always been sweet and kind, which was why you became friends in school and eventually high school sweethearts. You’ve been with him ever since, always well aware of the business he got himself into, but still staying by his side no matter what. Not really the most interesting story out of the bunch, but definitely one of the sweetest.

-

Wooseok (The hitman)

You were one of Changgu’s victims after your brother became one of Wooseok’s. Being the hitman, Wooseok doesn’t usually show much sympathy, but having heard you for days locked away with Changgu, he couldn’t help but start to feel sorry for you, and he genuinely believed that you didn’t have any more information on their target -- you weren’t even aware your brother was involved in the mafia. After that, Wooseok became like your personal bodyguard while they kept you at HQ because now you knew too much.

[justoneday-namjoonii]

Don’t Breathe 4.5 | teaser

»Genre: hitman!au || stalker!au ||

»Warnings: kidnapping, stalking, obsession, themes of potential Stockholm syndrome, mono-phobia, mature elements, yandere at some point (? i think ), themes of depression, redemption, they fall in love, lovey dovey, fluff, Disclaimer: I do not condone nor suggest stalking/kidnapping or anything of that nature, this is purely fiction ok.

»Summary: He doesn’t get shaky hands, he never forgets his gloves and he never leaves a trail. He was paid to get rid of everyone who witnessed the exchange between a gang lord and a politician, they were picked off, one by one. He found out a month later, he missed one. A young writer who attended the event where the exchange took place. He has to kill her. Can he do it?

✤ pt.1 - pt.2 - pt.2.5 - pt.3 - pt. 3.5 - pt. 4.0 - pt.4.5

author’s note: coming soon

taglist: @tangledsparkles @just-another-fangurl21 @impartoftoomanyfandoms @komorebi-unnie​ @tangledsparkles​ @yes-sol-not-soul (sorry :( tumblr won’t let me tag you) if you’d like to be added to the taglist please comment on this post💜

The sun is setting like a dream, you can’t say you’ve ever seen it shine so beautiful. The sky looks like a peach painting that shyly fades into a heavenly deep-blue. It’s a perfect evening, the air smells of the flowers growing on the porch and it delights your senses. He’s chasing you barefooted across the grassy yard, like two children playing tag at the peek of spring. Out of breath, he finally catches you and you fall back into the checkered blanket, too tired to run off again.

After seeing you enjoy the balcony so much, he introduced you to his lavish  backyard. Aside from the large stone patio and pool attached to it, the yard expands at least an acre and it’s well-groomed. Early in the evening, you moved to spend some time on the patio, a pencil and paper in hand. Taehyung had some work to do so you had a few hours to yourself, you used that time to think and write. After a few hours, you could no longer resist the urge to take a dip in the crystal clear oasis.

With a t-shirt and underwear, you eased into the cool water and breathed a sigh of relief. For what could have been an hour or two, you weren’t counting, you swam on your back, staring up at the clear sky, wondering if you’ll ever feel peace like this again. When your eyes shut, your thoughts seem to align, and for the first time since you’ve been here, you felt like you were where you were supposed to be. As much as you cherish your life alone, your independence and innate desire to prove that you can make it on your own—it seems Taehyung is worth giving that up.

That would have sounded crazy weeks ago, but it’s how you feel. That night that you confessed that you wanted to be with him, you meant it. You don’t know when it happened, maybe when you kissed him and he picked you up, when you woke up to him fast asleep with a pillow in his arms. Or maybe it was when he suggested you help him bake, since he knew you wrote so much about food in your articles, you’re not sure. But somehow, some time after learning his name, you think you fell in love.

When you were with Jin, you had similar feelings to this. You knew you were in love when you had the urge to smile even when you were hurting just to make him smile. That feeling of unexplained self-sacrifice, something as small as smile, you’d force it out if you knew it would help him. With Taehyung, it seems like he will do anything to make you smile sometimes, even when you know he’s keeping stressful things from you. Is that love? You think so.

You sigh, still feeling a bit wet from your swim a while ago but you’ve dried mostly. He fussed at you for not showering straight away but you said the sun would dry you well enough until your shower tonight. It’s dusk now, and your out in the grass, laying happily on the blanket with him. Only a few minutes ago did you find out that he had pretty lights adorning the patio. He said he’s had them for a while but hadn’t turned them on until today. It casts a warm light out into the grass, you tell him he should turn it on more often.

”You should shower before you catch a cold,” He stresses for the second time. You find his worry endearing but negotiate five more minutes, and he caves. It’s been a while since you’ve been outside like this. He knows this, that’s why he’s laying shoulder to shoulder with you as you gaze up at the night sky. “Sorry I had so much work I had to do today, hope you weren’t too bored,”

”It’s fine, I was writing anyway...”

”Really?” He turns on his side, curiosity piqued. You nod, hands searching for the pencil and pad you had on the blanket.

”I used to write poetry when I was in high school. I wasn’t very good and some of it is kind of cringe now that I look back at it, but I enjoyed it. I haven’t written in so long, I thought I’d give it a shot,” You grab the notepad and look up at it, eyes skimming over the gray hue from all the erasing. You catch him trying to peek over and you hold it to your test. You grin, “Don’t look, it’s not good,”

He pouts, hand moving to intertwine with yours.

“Come on, you’ve never shared your personal writings with me before,” He pouts, leaning closer to you in hopes that you might succumb to the allure of his gaze. “Pleeease?”

”Fine,” You sigh, “but you have to read it yourself,” You lift the notepad, handing it to him.

He sits up and the feeling of anxiousness comes to a halt when you realize one important fact; it’s Taehyung reading this. Not a supervisor critiquing your rough draft or a teacher judging your ability to recite your understanding of the class’s latest assignment. It’s him.

I’ve been given a universe, all for me. My very own stars in your eyes, I can stare at you forever. The remnants of your every gaze births a galaxy and I draw up the constellations by the reminisce of the pattern of your touch on my skin. I, too, have given my universe to you. Though I’m innocent to the stars in my eyes, the constellations I paint on your skin, all for you. No event is there more beautiful than the moment our eyes meet, our nebulae collide. A merging occurs, giving life to new stars that are our own, creating a galaxy that holds a shape that can only be defined by fate. In that sweet moment, we create an intertwined constellation, a design filled with millions of our old and new stars, shining brighter than ever,

“in your universe, my universe...” He reads the last lines softly. Setting the pad down with an expression that you can’t quite read, he just looks at you and you start to feel nervous.

“I just,” You bite at your lip and look up at the night sky that’s beginning to show the stars, “I had this idea about space, it’s a little different but it took me hours to come up with...I’m rusty.”

He props himself up and leans over you, gaze searching for yours with a tender close-lipped smile. He holds his hand to his heart, “That was so beautiful.”

You cringe, pushing his chest so he can roll back on his back. “Oh stop, now I wish I wouldn’t have showed you,” It’s hard to tell if he’s praising you or teasing, it seems like it’s one in the same sometime.

“I’m being serious, I can feel the emotions you’re conveying in your words, I really get it...” He looks a bit surprised that you’d think he was teasing you about this, he leans back over you. 

“You mean it?” You look into his eyes, wondering how anyone could be capable of making you feel so special, like you’re the only person in the world. Without a word, he presses a firm kiss to your lips and you sigh, he means it.

*  *  *

“How’s the investigation going? Jin told me you reached out the other day,”

The busy lawyer sits his freshly ordered coffee in his cup holder as he drives off to his highly-decorated firm.

“I did, the case is more complicated than I initially thought,” Yoongi poured the subpar coffee in the Styrofoam cup, it’s 6am and he’s trying not to be grumpy, “if I’m right about my suspicions, it’s a fucked up situation.”

“What’re you thinking?”

Yoongi looks around, seeing that the only person around was the woman at the desk. “The girl, along with the other individuals at that conference, were targeted. I got the names of the parties at the conference, they’re politicians of course but the details of the meeting was never released. I have a theory,”

He lowers his voice, looking around one more time before sipping his coffee, “I think someone at that conference had those other reporters killed. I went over each autopsy file and those people died from unusual things, but not unusual enough to suspect at first-glance. Most of them dies from too much of a medication that they were already taking, things like that. But this girl, unlike everyone else, she was abducted and I don’t know why.”

Jungkook makes a thoughtful noises. “What’s different about her that not like the others?”

“She went missing a little over a month after the others were found dead. It looks like a mistake to me,” He paces, “I don’t know if I’m being too outlandish, but I have a feeling she’s alive, we just need to find her,”

Jungkook responds with how he feels about it but Yoongi has to cut him short when Eunwoo walks into the station.

“You’re here early, Min,” Eunwoo smiles, beckoning Yoongi to follow him to his office, “I have some good news, and some bad news, which do you want first?” Eunwoo leads Yoongi into his office and sets his briefcase down so he can pull what he needs out.

“Surprise me.” He deadpans.

“Well, last night, we found out that the infamous Hwan Group could be apart of this. You know that group, they’ve been under the radar for years, you can’t catch’em. But there’s a chance they could be the force behind this, they have assassins for hire from what I’ve heard,” He takes a seat, opening one of the Manila folders.

“And the good news?”

“It took a lot to pin him, but we’re bring one of the parties in for questioning today,”

“Good, I think they know something that they’ve been trying to keep under the rug.”

“Yeah, I agree.”

Yoongi gets up, hand tight on the flimsy cup, “If you could give me a call after the questioning, I’d appreciate it. I’m gonna do a little digging into this Hwan Group, see if I can get some info that’ll help,”

Yoongi leaves the building with a to-do list but little does he know, detective Na Jaemin, knocking on on Eunwoo’s door.

“Come in,”

“Hi,” Jaemin slips into the room, an unusual grin on his face, “how are you?”

“Um,” Eunwoo looks around, not understanding why he’s approaching him like this but he shrugs, “good, is everything okay, detective?”

“Everything's fine,” Lies, “I just had a question about that PI, Min Yoongi,”

“Shoot,” Eunwoo awaits his question.

“Why is he so adamant on keeping this case open? I mean, I’m a detective on the case and I think we should start searching for the body,” His tone sounds innocent but he’s trying to sneakily plant this idea in Eunwoo’s mind, “we could be wasting precious time, the family deserves closure and we’re just dragging it on.”

“Detective Na,” Eunwoo stops looking through the folder, “given the other related cases, we have reason to believe she might be alive. Not every abductee is killed, even if that tends to be the case.”

Jeamin swallows, trying to think of how to save himself, “I know, I’m not saying that we should be pessimistic but realistic, rather.”

“I get what you’re saying, but on what prescient you’re saying it, I don’t know. I, and many of the others on this case, have reviewed the evidence and compared it to the other cases, it doesn’t add up. After the questioning today, we’ll talk, until then, your efforts need to go towards finding her alive and well,” Eunwoo walks past Jaemin and the detective gets the memo to get out of the office, “Understood?”

With a feigned grin he stands up straight. “Absolutely, sir,” 

[julie1706]

Julie’s incredibly aesthetic incredibly autumny list of movies that she maybe recommends:

Alright! Hi there! 

My name is Julie, and I really love fall. I love hot tea, warm blankets, candles, ghost stories, fog and I really, really love rain. I never get tired of any of the aspects of fall, but I think the easiest way to really soak up the atmosphere (aside from amazing books, which I don’t really have the time for), is movies! Here, “autumny” movies. 

But that’s a really vague term, and I think many people have a very individual idea of what a fall movie is, that don’t really line up with mine. So the most obvious thing seems to me, to make one myself. 

I’m guessing one, maybe two or three people will see this, and I count myself as one of them. The others (hej Sif og Malin!!) might not even get to read this, but if they do, I hope they like it. I hope you like it, Malin and Sif! Also, I love you! And miss you!

Right. I’ve seen a lot of examples of the “list of movies to watch in the fall/autumn”, and they’re all fine and great, but I guess I’ve never been completely satisfied with them, as I mentioned. 

So after like 10 minutes of research, I’ve made up my own list, of movies I thought seemed interesting or just plain cozy and nice. I admit, they aren’t ranked, sorry, and I haven’t watched all of them, so a good deal of these will really just be mentioned because of optimism. Also, I don’t think there’s a lot of scary ones, so don't worry. 

And I promise I will mention if they’re very spooky. I’ll put a warning like: “Warning! Spooky!”, at the top or something. That should do it. 

Lets get started! :-)

1. Practical Magic

This first one I actually saw some years ago, with my mom, when I was much younger. I liked it, but I have a feeling I will like it even more, if I watch it today. A really classic halloween, witchy movie, that was surprisingly touching in the family aspect!

Official synopsis: 

Two witch sisters, raised by their eccentric aunts in a small town, face closed-minded prejudice and a curse which threatens to prevent them ever finding lasting love.

//Not very spooky, as I remember it. But good! Lovely witchy aesthetics!

2. Silence of the Lamps

Ugh, I love this movie! That might be a not so good thing to say, it’s really twisted. But I like how creepy it always is, no matter how much i watch it, and how the twists and turns never fail to be interesting, even though I know the plot by heart now. I love Clarisse, I love the foggy, grim nature of the movie, and I don’t really love Hannibal, he’s creepy, but you can’t deny that Anthony Hopkins really carry this movie! Perfect serial killer acting. If that’s a thing.

Official Synopsis: 

A young F.B.I. cadet must receive the help of an incarcerated and manipulative cannibal killer to help catch another serial killer, a madman who skins his victims.

//VERY spooky! Or just plain scary. Sif - do not watch!! Many people are killed in many, gross ways.

3. Witch

Haven’t seen this one! I really want to, and have since it came out, but there haven’t really been any (legal) places to see it. I love the tension that was present even in the trailer, and the whole aspect of an oppressed young girl evolving and breaking free in the scariest way possible is really interesting. Not all horror movies are my thing, but I really hope this one will be! And I love everything about witches, so.

Official synopsis:

A family in 1630s New England is torn apart by the forces of witchcraft, black magic, and possession.

//Warning! Just from the trailer, I can conclude that this one is very scary.

4. Julie and Julia

This one I haven’t actually seen either! I think I’ve spotted among my mom’s dvds, but nope, haven’t seen it. I don’t really know a lot about Julia Child either, but it seems like a super-heartwarming film, so I hurried to include it!

Official Synopsis:

Julia Child's story of her start in the cooking profession is intertwined with blogger Julie Powell's 2002 challenge to cook all the recipes in Child's first book.

//This one seems safe.

5. The Addams Family (Both of them are good!)

This one, the “first” one, I saw last year. It’s actually a remake of an older movie, which is apparently based on an even older comic -who knew? And there’s a second one, following this one, I might add later. But tt was so good! Gah! I loved it, and I’m definitely rewatching this year. Wow the whole vibe of this family is fantastic, and I wish more families in movies were as dedicated to an aesthetic as the Addams! Watch it! It’s so nice!

Official Synopsis:

Con artists plan to fleece an eccentric family using an accomplice who claims to be their long-lost uncle.

//I know it seems scary, but trust me, it’s fine! It’s really more funny than spooky. You’ll enjoy it, trust me!

6. Hocus Pocus

Alright, never seen this one! But when I joined tumblr, the americans were always bringing this one up, and it’s always included in those lists I was talking about earlier, and again, witches, so a no-brainer for me, to include on this list. Man I can’t wait to see it, I hope I’ll like it.

Official Synopsis:

A curious youngster moves to Salem, where he struggles to fit in before awakening a trio of diabolical witches that were executed in the 17th century.

//I have no idea what the spooky-level is in this, but it doesn’t seem that bad.

7. Halloween (the original)

I have wanted to see this in FOREVER! It’s such a classic, and a really iconic, classic, older horror movie. I don’t actually know why I haven’t seen it yet, it might only be because there was no place to watch it, the last time I checked. I hope it has changed, I really want to see it. It has all the classic tropes, and a scary serial killer, it really is a peak-halloween movie. Spot-on name, huh!

Official Synopsis:

Fifteen years after murdering his sister on Halloween night 1963, Michael Myers escapes from a mental hospital and returns to the small town of Haddonfield, Illinois to kill again.

//Might be a bit too scary for some. 

8. The Princess Bride

This is so good!! All the characters are straight of a fairy tale (literally), but they’re neither flat or boring. And the love story! Ah! I loooove it! I really enjoyed it last year, when I watched it, so I understand why it’s become such a classic. And there’s so many iconic lines in this movie. The whole mood of it is such good, and the plot isn’t the craziest thing, so watch it to relax!

Official Synopsis:

While home sick in bed, a young boy's grandfather reads him the story of a farmboy-turned-pirate who encounters numerous obstacles, enemies and allies in his quest to be reunited with his true love.

//Not scary, fret not!

9. The Craft

Have never seen or heard about this movie, until the morning, when I compiled this list. I kind of want to though, now that I’m promised 90′s teenage witches. Hell yeah! The more witches the merrier!

Official Synopsis:

A newcomer to a Catholic prep high school falls in with a trio of outcast teenage girls who practice witchcraft, and they all soon conjure up various spells and curses against those who anger them.

//No idea how spooky. Might be a little scary.

10. Sleepy Hollow (the one with Johnny Depp)

The legend of the Headless Horseman is famous, so that one I know. But this movie, which is based on that story, I haven’t seen. I can guess, though, the vibe from it’s original source material, and Johnny Depp and the male lead, and that makes me want to watch it! Also, how can you not, when you see all that fog?? So spooky and mysterious! I love fog!

Official Synopsis:

Ichabod Crane is sent to Sleepy Hollow to investigate the decapitations of three people, with the culprit being the legendary apparition, The Headless Horseman.

//Might be, like, ghost story-spooky. Or Tim Burton-spooky. Either of those. Hm. I don’t think it’s that bad? 

11. Scream

I LOVE SCREAM. SUCH AN ICONIC HORROR MOVIE. THANK YOU FOR USING ALL THOSE CLASSIC TROPES!! I love everything about this movie, and I might actually put it on when I’m done with this post, and watch it with a cup of tea and some popcorn if I can find some. The characters are delightfully flat and simple, what you see is what you get, and that actually makes this movie even better! It really feels like you’re watching THE halloween movie, it’s delightfully creepy and spooky, and I love it all. So. Much. Also - the lovely 90′s aesthetic is very much present in this one!

Official Synopsis:

A year after the murder of her mother, a teenage girl is terrorized by a new killer, who targets the girl and her friends by using horror films as part of a deadly game.

//Spooky! If serial killers are not you thing, don’t watch it. Not that it’s my thing either, but, uh, if watching characters be chased and killed off by a masked individual really freaks you out, stay clear of this one :-)

12. Dark Shadows

Love this movie. Watched it in the cinema, have it on DVD, have watched it numerous times since, and I always enjoy it. Another Depp-movie, and he really pulls it off in this one, as a creepy but also weirdly funny vampire, who has lost his one true love, and wakes up in the 70′s (i think), to help his relatives, now living in his ancestral home, with getting back on their feet. A lot of wild stuff happens in this movie, and I adore it.

Official Synopsis:

An imprisoned vampire, Barnabas Collins, is set free and returns to his ancestral home, where his dysfunctional descendants are in need of his protection.

//Actually not that spooky! It’s not that bad, I think. Some places are a little scary, but there’s enough of humor present, that it should be fine!

13. Eve’s Bayou

I had never heard of this movie until this morning! But wow! It looks so dramatic and promising, doesn’t it? We will just have to see, I guess!

Official Synopsis:

What did little Eve see--and how will it haunt her? Husband, father and womanizer Louis Batiste is the head of an affluent family, but it's the women who rule this gothic world of secrets, lies and mystic forces.

//I have no idea. Really. I hope it’s a little bit spooky!

14. Clue

I have just played the game, sorry. And I enjoyed that, so I hope I will enjoy this too! No, I know I will, I love these stories, with really defined characters, like when someone is named “the soldier”, or “the socialite”. I’m sold, when stories like that are introduced to me. I really want to watch this movie! Also - young Tim Curry! Cool!

Official Synopsis:

Six guests are anonymously invited to a strange mansion for dinner, but after their host is killed, they must cooperate with the staff to identify the murderer as the bodies pile up.

//Nah. You’re good, with this one. Don’t worry.

15. Every Agatha Christie Movie

Yeah, sorry I want to watch every single film adaptation of her stories, and love them dearly. None of them can be bad, to me. But the only one I have watched, is the “Murder of the Orient Express”, and if I have to describe how much i love this one, this list will go on for much too long. I just really love this movie. I love the characters, I love the scenography, I love the choreography, just - Everything! It’s so pretty, and you will NEVER figure out the ending! I didn’t, at least. Watch it! It’s so good!

Official Synopsis:

When a murder occurs on the train on which he's travelling, celebrated detective Hercule Poirot is recruited to solve the case.

//Don’t worry about spookyness - there’s none! But watch it! 

16. Twilight

Perfect Autumn vibes! There is darkness, fog, rain, coldness, weird pale vampires, a nice love story - and most of it is out in a forest! Amazing! This whole movie seems to consist of only blue and green tones, in varying degrees of darkness, and I always sit with the feeling, that i can almost smell the rain and damp earth in these scenes. Great movie! Even greater use of atmosphere!

Official Synopsis:

Bella Swan moves to Forks and encounters Edward Cullen, a gorgeous boy with a secret.

//Not spooky!

17. Knives Out

Saw this in the cinema with my brother! I really love the main characters, and the plot is great too - I couldn't figure it out at all! I think it is a very creative, “new! approach to a murder mystery, and I applaud! Very autumny, very great sweaters from the female lead! Actually most of them have nice clothes, for this crisp, cold mystery movie!

Official Synopsis:

A detective investigates the death of a patriarch of an eccentric, combative family.

//Not very spooky! Don’t worry!

18. 10 Things I Hate About You

I watched this when i was like, 12, and definitely didn’t appreciate it. I think it based on Shakespeare’s “The Taming of the Shrew”. It’s one the best Rom-Coms I’ve ever seen! The dialogue is funny, the acting is fine, and the love stories are very cute! Also, I just adore Kate, like, in general! She’s so sour and surly! Watch this one, when you want to unwind and relax! Maybe with your friends. Or alone, that’s cool too!

Official Synopsis:

A pretty, popular teenager can't go out on a date until her ill-tempered older sister does.

//Not spooky, lol.

19. Mona Lisa Smile

I haven’t seen this one, except for the very last few minutes, on evening when my mom and I was zapping channels. So I have very little, very confusing knowledge of this movie, based on an ending, with no context. But my friend told me about it once, and wow, it sounds heartwarming! And Julia Roberts is pretty great, normally!

Official Synopsis:

A free-thinking art professor teaches conservative 1950s Wellesley girls to question their traditional social roles.

//Not spooky!

Well then! That was all the movies I had the time to compile this morning! I might add more, I’m sure there’s a few classics, I have forgotten!

I hope you have a great fall, with many chances to be with your family and friends, and experience all the amazing things this read, yellow, brown and orange season has to offer! Have a great day - and thank you for reading!

- Julie :-)

[caffeinechic]

Good Omens Fic Recs 1/?

I went to fix a link in this post and managed to delete the entire thing like an absolute fool. 

But my complete annoyance with myself won’t be bested with my determination to post this lot. So here I go again. I am so sorry if this has shown on your dash a million times. And sorry for the double links / tagging as I honestly went half mad over even the basics. This is where I am with life.

I have about 300 Good Omens fics bookmarked at this point to trying to pull out my absolute favourites sent me down a re-read (and in many cases a re-re-re-re-read) rabbit hole, which was an absolute joy so no complaints here!

These are just some of the ones that have just really stuck with me for one reason or another so I’ve gathered them up under the cut

4 Authors I just need to do like a HUGE rec for as they’re life ruiners. How dare they be this good. HOW DARE THEY.

@princip1914 @princip1914

Yeah I started pulling out the bookmarks I had for @princip1914 and realised it was...everything they’d written. All of it. Just...all of it.

But my particular favourite out of an outstanding batch is the following - which I have read approximately 70 squillion times. It stuck with me for so long in a way that I don’t think many fics have, ever. I actually can’t recommend this enough:

Doubt Thou The Stars Are Fire

“But how,” Aziraphale gasped, agonized and close to tears. “How can you be sure. Crowley, dear, you got thrown out of heaven for questioning everything. How can you be sure about this?”

Crowley loves and Aziraphale doubts. God intercedes. A groundhog day kind of situation ensues wherein Aziraphale has to fall in love with Crowley over and over again as a human until he gets the point. Highlights include: delivering medical care in rural Louisiana, stargazing in Vegas, strangers on a train, and teaching middle school.

@bestoftheseekwill @bestoftheseekwill

Same “problem” with @bestoftheseekwill - READ EVERYTHING. Oh my god, the human AUs, THE HUMAN AUS.

Special shout out to Acts of Service which was the first Human AU I’d read and got me completely hooked and now whenever seekwill posts I immediately read.

Acts of Service

"You seem very familiar to me. I can’t say why that is." As Aziraphale spoke, Crowley turned away from the fire, and Aziraphale was momentarily concerned that the spell had been broken, that he had crossed some invisible line. But Crowley smiled and brought his beer to his lips.

"Maybe we met in a past life. Does your lot believe in that?"

"Past lives?"

"Yeah."

Aziraphale smiled into his wine. He was sure Crowley was poking fun, ever so slightly, but he liked it. "Not strictly speaking. No."

Crowley shrugged, taking another long sip of his beer. “A mystery then."

After receiving direct instruction from God, village reverend Aziraphale leaves his countryside congregation to serve the underserved and in-need at an urban church in London, a transition made all the more complicated by the mysterious and handsome Crowley, who always seems to appear when Aziraphale least expects him.

OH!! but also

That this could be the kingdom

- this one sat with me for a while. Stunning

I have lived my whole life with a wrecked heart. Fr. Aziraphale Fell’s present mirrors his past, as long ago roommate, classmate, and former friend Anthony Crowley reappears in his life in an unexpected and disarming way, challenging Aziraphale’s choices, and bringing him back to the breaking point, when he made a decision he couldn’t take back. It isn’t temptation, it’s revelation.

@mygalfriday @mygalfriday

Ah here, listen - I went to get my bookmark list for @mygalfriday and just ended up re-reading all 12 fics this week.

i can't say the words, so i wrote you into my verse

Aziraphale blinks as it slowly dawns on him exactly what he’s looking at. Crowley has a tattoo. Well, another one anyway. Unlike the small serpent curled just beneath his temple, this one takes up far more space.

And listen if you don’t read the blind date au series then I don’t know how to help you!

I couldn’t find Rend_Herring  Found @rendherring @rendherring on Tumblr but I had to put my phone and my head down after I read both of these.

The Lightness of You

God should not have built them with such discrepancy, made them need for love, and long for wholeness, then left them to their own devices.

This Soul Outstreaming

“Why did you come here?” Aziraphale interrupts. “Why do you keep doing this?” All the saving, he means, all the chasing after Aziraphale he does. It can’t only be that he’s not keen to endure a replacement. That can’t be it, not anymore. He’s going to get himself in trouble, and then it’ll be Aziraphale’s fault.

Crowley’s mouth shuts with a click. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat, reaches for the handle of the fork and taps his fingertips against it before setting his hands in his lap.

When he speaks, it’s very soft. “Don’t you know?” he asks.

Aziraphale, unaccustomed to his heart refusing to translate why it throbs with such haste, shakes his head.

Fics that, to me, are just stunners. I love them so much.

Slow Show - @mia-ugly @mia-ugly Honestly if you’re seeing a rec list WITHOUT slow show...I’d be legit surprised In which temptations are accomplished, grand romantic gestures are made, and two ineffable co-stars only take four seasons of an award-winning television program to realize they’re on their own side (at last, at last.)

Barriers, and the breaking thereof - @cardinaldaughter @cardinaldaughter Ezra Fell has long been comfortable in his loneliness. He’s content to simply run the Soho Public Library and otherwise keep to himself. However, when a handsome stranger bursts in one evening with a baby, frantic and in need of help, Ezra finds those carefully constructed barriers he’s long maintained begin to crack.

Perhaps it’s time to let them fall.

Anthophilia - @fortinbrasftw @fortinbrasftw Anthony J. Crowley's life seems like it's finally falling into place: his floral shop has begun to gain an undercurrent of appreciation in the design elite of London, and he might have even finally found a boyfriend who looks just right lounging on his Tenreiro sofa. Things seem almost perfect, until one day the empty shop across the street is leased to frumpy fellow Oxford alumni, who doesn't seem to remember Crowley nearly as well as he remembers him, which really shouldn't bother him as much as it does - it was ten years ago after all, and it wasn't even that good of a kiss.

The road to rapture has a lot of pit stops - @emmagrant01 @emmagrant01 Five times they kissed over four thousand years, and one time they actually meant it.

Demon and Angel Professors - Ghostinthehouse - not 100% sure that this is also their tumblr handle so if anyone can confirm that would be great! They're professors. They're married. Their students don't realise. Cue shenanigans.

Multiple short arcs with one-shots (and often pauses) between them. Characters continue from one arc to the next. It's marked as complete, because each short arc is complete in itself, but there will be more arcs and one-shots in the future.

The Grinch Who Sold Christmas - @forineffablereasons @forineffablereasons Anthony J. Crowley, a big-time attorney from London, is sent to small-town Tadfield to close a deal before Christmas that would sell out half of high street to a fancy developer and put him up for partner at his firm. The deal will run the local businesses out and change the landscape of the town forever, but that’s none of Crowley’s business; he’s just doing a job.

But as the town invites him to share in their lives and their hopes and their holiday celebrations, and as the enigmatic Aziraphale invites him to share in something more, Crowley starts to wonder: if everything has its price, is he still willing to pay what this deal will cost?

Slow - write_away It started like this: A boy with the ability to warp reality met an angel and a demon and he made assumptions.

You might say it started like this: An angel and a demon found a marriage contract hung on the wall of the angel's bookshop. They didn't question it.

It also could have started like this: Once upon a time, the angel told the demon he went too fast. The demon took it to heart.

Aziraphale and Crowley find themselves somehow married. Crowley fears going too fast. Aziraphale forges ahead. Neither know how to ask questions of each other.

You, soft and only - @thehoyden He hadn’t expected a sudden lapful of angel.

“Very sorry about this,” Aziraphale said, and kissed him.

A Bushel and a Peck- @thehoyden  Sometimes, a family is a demonic nanny, an angelic cook, and a kid who isn't actually the Antichrist.Or: Crowley helps Aziraphale secure a different position at the Dowling Estate.

Long is the way, and hard - Kate_Lear The first time Crawley meets the angel, the celestial being is twisting its shining white robe in its fingers and looking wretched. It hardly spares him a glance as he shifts from snake to human, and Crawley is a touch put-out. It’s taken some practice to be able to do it so fluidly.

A story of Crowley's thoughts about Aziraphale, from the Beginning to the present day.

And also of temptation, and want, and whether - for a Fallen Angel - redemption is possible after all.

the 21st century, in which they finally work it out - @fieldbears @fieldbears This is light speed in comparison to the last few centuries of their relationship, but Crowley is barely holding on to his patience.

A Few More Rescues - @poetic----nonsense @poetic----nonsense 5+1 Times Crowley Rescued Aziraphale According to the Romantic Tropes of the Era, and One Time Aziraphale Turned It Around on Him (plus Prologue)

The Cottage, the Husbands (series) - Dragonsquill A demon and an angel fall in love and decide to take on the monumental task of living together in a cottage by the sea.

[tswiftconspiracist13]

The Story Behind Taylor Swift’s “Folklore” Album - Theory

I originally posted this on Reddit but I wanted to share here too (first time using tumblr so hopefully I did this right):

Basically I interpreted this album as a folk story about the history behind the last owner of her Rhode Island house (as told in three parts). I've included the song, my thoughts on how it plays into the album, and some lyrics to back it up. Let me know your thoughts!!:

Background - The story focuses on Betty Harkness and her rocky relationship with her high school sweetheart, James. It starts with an affair that destroys the rest of their lives...

The Affair

august: basically the beginning of the affair

Whispers of "Are you sure?"

"Never have I ever before"

You weren't mine to lose, oh

mirrorball: describing details of things they did

I'll show you every version of yourself tonight

Hush, when no one is around, my dear/You'll find me on my tallest tip-toe

betty: return to the school year (it’s senior year for them) and James finds out Betty knows about the affair and tries to apologize

About why you switched your homeroom but/I think it's 'cause of me

The worst thing that I ever did/Was what I did to you

If I told you it was just a summer thing?/I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything

cardigan: betty’s reaction to the affair, she doesn’t take it well

Chase two girls, lose the one

When you are young, they assume you know nothing

Peter losing Wendy, I/I knew you/Leavin' like a father

illicit affair: the mistress is recounting the affair from her point of view

Make sure nobody sees you leave

What started in beautiful rooms/Ends with meetings in parking lots

So you leave no trace behind

exile: Betty and James singing to one another as Betty officially ends their relationship

I'm not your problem anymore

We always walked a very thin line

I think I've seen this film before/And I didn't like the ending

the 1: Betty has told herself she is over James and is trying to move on

And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow/And it's alright now

It would've been you/But it would've been fun/If you would've been the one

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

____________

James’ Arch

this is me trying: James has been desperately trying to make things right with Betty but it’s not working, at this point, it seems that they've graduated high school

I've been having a hard time adjusting

I have a lot of regrets about that

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

peace: James realizes that the only way for both him and Betty to find peace is to leave town, so he joins the army (keep in mind if this story aligns with Taylor's life, we can assume that the story of Betty & James took place early-mid 1900s so I would say around World War 2 time)

Our coming-of-age has come and gone/Suddenly this summer, it's clear

But I would die for you in secret

Sit with you in the trenches

epiphany: James dies in battle

Keep your helmet, keep your life, son/Just a flesh wound, here's your rifle

With you I serve, with you I fall down, down

Just one single glimpse of relief/To make some sense of what you've seen

my tears ricochet: James’ funeral

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

hoax: Betty goes crazy after not being able to process James’ death

This has broken me down/My twisted knife

Stood on the cliffside screaming, "Give me a reason"

My kingdom come undone

____________

Aftermath

mad woman: Betty leaves town and moves to Rhode Island

What a shame she went mad/No one likes a mad woman/You made her like that

Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy

*Context for her moving to Rhode Island comes from tlgad

seven: Taylor Swift is born in Pennsylvania and experiences her childhood

But I, I was high in the sky/With Pennsylvania under me

Sweet tea in the summer

Passed down like folk songs (basically saying this whole album is a folk story about the history of her Rhode Island house)

the last great american dynasty: Betty is now deceased and Taylor buys the Rhode Island home that Betty lived in

Rebekah (Betty) gave up on the Rhode Island set forever

There goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen/She had a marvelous time ruining everything

Fifty years is a long time/Free of women with madness, their men and bad habits/And then it was bought by me

invisible string: Taylor is talking about her adult life now. Also a reference to how she and Betty/James are all unknowingly connected

I used to think I would meet somebody there

All along there was some/Invisible string/Tying you to me?

Additional Background: Rebekah Harkness, the lady who actually owned the Rhode Island house before Taylor, went by "Betty". So the idea of Betty being Rebekah and owning the house prior to Taylor checks out!!

What’re your guys’ thoughts??

@taylorswift @taylornation

[s-n-arly]

A Peek into the Indie Writer World – Part V: Presenting as a Professional

Also available on s-n-arly.com, should that prove a more viewer-friendly venue.

For the first article in this series, check out Part I. Or if you just missed the previous article, check out Part IV.

⁂

As an independently published writer, you are a professional and it’s in your interest (and in the interest of your fellow indie writers) that you present as a professional. We aren’t so far removed from the era where self-published authors were automatically dismissed as ‘not good enough for real publishing.’ While the majority of the population now recognizes indie authors as professionals, you’ll still encounter people who need to be convinced.

How do you get taken seriously? What can you do to ensure the image you’re broadcasting is professional?

The key places where your professionalism comes into play, in bullet format for those with very little time:

Website

Social Media

Email

Live Networking

Book Covers

Book Content

The more specific details regarding those key places to put your professionalism in place:

Website

A website is a must, even if it’s minimalist. Other than finding your books on sites like Amazon, this is one of the top places people will look to see how legit you are (or appear to be). This can include potential customers, the media, library purchasing departments, and schools or conferences looking for speakers.

Spring for the domain registry

Makes you easier to find

Implies greater dedication to your writing career

The cost is often bundled in with website hosting services (make sure you own the domain, so you can switch services and take it with you)

Go with a theme and colors that will speak to your audience

Hire someone to set things up if you don’t have the skills to do it yourself

Include or incorporate high quality photos

Your own if you have them

If using others’ photos, have the proper permission and credit as required

Use open source or free stock photography sources, crediting as required

Keep it current and engaging

Minimal is okay

About page – information about you the writer, genre, areas of expertise, and anything that will help your audience relate to you

Publications – your publishing history and/or where to purchase your work

Contact page – can be as simple as an email link or a web form

Consider a built-in blog for dynamic content

Announcements, appearances and news

Release information

Teasers

Social Media

Blogs and social media can help you build up and engage with your audience. Make sure you’ve picked a platform that hits your target readers. You don’t have to spend hours every week on a blog or forum if that’s not your thing, just keep it relevant and regular. A mostly dead Tumblr or Twitter won’t do you any favors.

Ensure that your interactions and posts are professional.

Avoid over-sharing or inappropriate assumptions of intimacy

The internet is forever; consider whether your posts could come back to haunt you

Approach controversial material in a way that is consistent with or related to your writing philosophy or your work

Eg: My blog includes real world social and political issues that are reflected in my stories and my approach to world building

Be careful not to alienate your audience with content that has no bearing on your work

Do not bully others (yes there are writers who do this) and engaging in flame wars will likely reflect poorly

If you mess up, damage control involves a real apology and future caution

Present yourself in the way you want your fans to see you

Be friendly and open to interactions if you want fans to find you approachable

Be a bit aloof or distant, if you’re aiming for more space

Be cautiously prickly if that’s who you are, but keep in mind that being an asshole will only chase fans away

Email

You should establish an email account specifically for your writing. This doesn’t have to run through your own domain if that doesn’t fit your budget. Select your email address carefully.

Easy to share and remember

Matches your author name or what you write

Doesn’t feel too casual unrelated to your writing work

Live Networking

Take advantage of the opportunities to network with readers and other writers in person. This can result in a valuable peer group, name recognition, and readership. While participating in these activities, you don’t need to wear a suit and schmooze like venture capitalist to present as a professional. Look up photos of these events and see what people tend to wear, and find something in your wardrobe that works and is comfortable for you.

Conventions – most genres have events where fans and creators get together

Volunteer and participate in programming you have an interest or expertise in

Attend the parties and meet people

Conferences – many genres have events for creators to discuss topics of interest and build their craft

Attend meet-ups or lunches

Readings – these can be held in bookstores, libraries, and at events like conventions and conferences

Prepare and practice your piece

You are in the limelight, be sure to shine

At any of these events, socialize with people you don’t know, even if that’s hard for you. You don’t need to meet everyone and you don’t have to try to impress people with exaggerations or lies. Just be yourself, unapologetically, and try to have interesting conversations. Listen at least as much as you talk, if not more. Swap contact information with people you may want to keep in touch with, and do follow up with them on social media.

Book Covers

Your book cover functions as your advertisement of the work; it sells the book. This is one of the places where a lot of indie authors make mistakes that result in an amateurish and unprofessional appearance. You can search online for “bad book covers” to get hundreds of examples of covers that have done more harm than good, and yes, some of them have been produced by big publishers.

If you don’t have the skills to design your covers, it’s in your interest to pay someone to do this. If you do have the skills to create your own covers, it’s still a good idea to run your drafts by a group of trusted individuals to identify any horrible mishaps you may have missed.

Book Content

The final piece of presenting yourself as a professional, is ensuring that your printed work meets the standards in the industry. This includes ensuring that you’ve told the best story you can, and that it is as free of spelling and grammatical errors as possible. It can be very helpful to get constructive feedback from fellow writers or beta readers, in case you’ve missed something. If editing isn’t your strong suit, paying a copy editor is not a bad idea.

In addition to the story itself, you also need to ensure your story looks good on the page, whether it’s digital or print. Pay attention to layout guidelines as these can influence whether the book looks professionally produced.

Margins – top, bottom and outside edges

Gutter – inside edges near the fold

Story title and author name in headings, often alternating

Page number in the footer

Printed work also needs properly set up front matter.

Title page, on a right page

Copyright page, on a left page, usually the other side of the title page

Acknowledgments, on a right page

A blank left page, unless your acknowledgments run two pages (which should be avoided in fiction)

Table of contents (TOC), on a right page

First page of the story, on a right page (there may be a blank left page between the TOC and the story’s first page)

Front matter can determine whether your book meets requirements for wide distribution.

Most of your steps for presenting as a professional don’t have anything to do with your actual writing, and it may be easiest to think of it as the marketing side of the indie writer’s job. It’s often easier to start out with your level of caution and professionalism set a bit higher than you think you need, as it’s unlikely to offend anyone. As you get more comfortable with the various venues, you can assess and adjust if your default is too far in one direction or another.

⁂

Proceed to Part VI.

For more articles on writing, check out my Reflections From the Sol section.

[hope-for-olicity]

Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - March 22nd, 2019

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them. This and all previous Fabulous Olicity Fanfic posts can be found on my blog.

Alone in the World multi-chapter Complete by @laxit21 - Oliver and Felicity are trapped in the bunker when Chase sets off an EMP. They emerge hours later to find that the world has changed drastically in those few hours they were trapped.Ohttps://archiveofourown.org/works/17991881/chapters/42501815

The Fan multi-chapter WIP by @leuska - For the past couple of months, Felicity Smoak, previous child star known to the world through her alter ego Lisy the Tech Whiz, who ended her career and her growing popularity at the age of thirteen rather abruptly, has sporadically received disturbing notes and gifts in her mail. Police believe the notes to be just little tokens of appreciation by a former fan. Despite having left the spotlight over a decade ago and living in anonymity since, the fan mail keeps coming, increasing in frequency as well as intensity. The last drop is when Felicity receives another letter with a love note. A scary, ominous note. A note written in human blood.FBI director Amanda Waller tasks her best Agent to the case. Oliver Queen, a criminal profiler, is currently working on a special task force formed between SCPD and FBI to catch a man dubbed the Start City Slasher, who has murdered at least three young women in the past nine months. Agent Queen is not thrilled with the prospect of holding a former princess’ hand through her problem with a simple stalker while a serial killer is still at large. However, once meeting her, Oliver finds there is nothing easy or simple about Felicity Smoak as their worlds start to intertwine. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17726573/chapters/41820368

Re-Airrow 2x20 by @lostolicityscenes - A short Felicity and Sara scene - a conversation that in my alternate universe may have played a part in Sara breaking up with Oliver, because he ‘needed to be with someone who could harness the light inside of him,’ and leaving town at the end of the episode. https://lostolicityscenes.tumblr.com/post/183389153219/re-airrow-2x20

Will Fate Allow? multi-chapter WIP by @mindramblingsfics - Seeing her parent's marriage dissolve at a young age made Felicity yearn for a healthy marriage of her own. She thought she'd finally found what she was looking for when Billy Malone showed up offering her what her heart desired. She thought she was happy and had everything she could want, but things began to unravel. Slowly she turned to someone who had become an unparalleled constant in her life...Oliver Queen. Oliver and Felicity are the definition of polar opposites. He is the mob boss that strikes fear in the hearts many, while she is seen as the sweet girl next door, but there is more to both of them underneath the surface. Along the way, they become connected to one another leading to their lives being intertwined forever. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521596/chapters/38699951

With the Speed of an Arrow multi-chapter WIP by @academyofshipping - Oliver Queen’s elite and silver-spoon life has taken some blows in the past few years, but he is still the carefree billionaire everyone knows of and loves. When his role in the family business is in jeopardy and he is introduced to a motley of new people, his status quo is threatened. With a changed perspective, Oliver realizes his feeling for his best friend and anchor-in-life, Felicity Smoak, may be more than just platonic. OR A modern adaption of Jane Austen’s Emma with a gender swap* and no island. *Knowing that gender is not binary https://archiveofourown.org/works/16559846/chapters/38799857

Pieces of Always multi-chapter WIP by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34 - Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows. Ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens. http://archiveofourown.org/works/8220479/chapters/18840356

seemingly impossible (but not untrue) multi-chapter WIP by @alexiablackbriar13 - Young genius historian Dr Felicity Smoak unknowingly and accidentally calls up a bewitched alchemical manuscript within the Oxford Bodleian Libraries - a book that has been lost for centuries. Descended from an old and distinguished line of witches, Felicity wants nothing to do with magic, despite her unruly and powerful abilities. But her discovery of Ashmole 782 sets the world of creatures stirring; with a mystery afoot and new, dangerous magical abilities manifesting for her to navigate, she is approached by the enigmatic vampire biochemist Professor Oliver Queen, who seems to have a deep interest in both the manuscript… and her. Based on A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16224353/chapters/37923743

Time for a Story multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - This fic shows Olicity and their life as a (married) couple with family. Although Olicity (and their kids) are the protagonists, other characters of Arrow and Flash make appearances. YOU NEED THIS STORY IN YOUR LIFE. https://archiveofourown.org/works/3912157/chapters/8757172

Lonely With You multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow - Felicity meets Oliver at a frat party in college and interrupts him from making a big mistake. Oliver is intrigued by the dark haired, beautiful genius with a tough exterior. Felicity is charmed by the broody jock that everyone seems to be a little bit afraid of. Feelings, angst, fluff, and all that goooooood stuff. College AU because it's the week to celebrate this trope on tumblr with our Trope-tastic Awards ;) https://archiveofourown.org/works/15706710/chapters/36505428

One Step Ahead multi-chapter WIP by @stephswims - Felicity Acerbi is married to esteemed Italian mob boss. Married after a failed business deal with her father, she is forced into a life decided for her. That is until a new bodyguard is hired. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16959333/chapters/39855036

Re-airrow 2x21 by @lostolicityscenes - A very short Oliver scene taking place prior to the clip above. When Diggle and Felicity track Oliver down at his secret lair.  https://lostolicityscenes.tumblr.com/post/183458110841/re-airrow-2x21

Hard To Find Love multi-chapter WIP by Mellowyellowdiamonds - Through a tragic twist of fate Felicity finds herself left with an orphaned young William Clayton. Keeping her promise to her friend, Felicity raises William diligently, loving him as if he were her own child, only to have Moira Queen storm into their lives several years later demanding custody of her grandson. Locked in a war with Moira Queen, things get complicated when Felicity finds herself developing unwanted feelings for William's biological father, Oliver Queen. At the same time she must try to manage her meddling 13 year old son, who has it in his head that if Felicity would just cooperate and fall for his father, everything would be right in the world. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15941786/chapters/37173917

| ONE | (Oliver the Footballer) multi-chapter WIP @someonesaidcake - Felicity Smoak had a plan; to save enough money to kick her monotonous job and start up the company of her dreams. She made good plans, solid plans, attainable plans. He was never part of her plan. His name was Oliver Queen, the reclusive Brazilian football star with a broken smile and a story to tell. He'd never planned on her either. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15005402/chapters/34779542

And So The Adventure Begins multi-chapter WIP by @mindramblingsfics - Felicity spent her first year of college focused solely on her studies. In year two, with the convincing of her best friends Iris and Sara, she lets her hair down a bit. Oliver spent his first year partying with his wingman Tommy and living up to the status that came with his last name. He realizes he should buckle down focus on the most important part: actual school. Oliver and Felicity meet, and even though they are on different ends of the spectrum, they don't realize that they can each bring out hidden parts of one another. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15800025/chapters/36771018

Home To You multi-chapter WIP by @the-shy-and-anxious-fangirl - Oliver Queen has never done what his family expected of him. He took a gap year after high school instead of going to college right away. He quit his fraternity sophomore year to join the student newspaper, switching his major from business to journalism. He became a photojournalist for a wire service instead of taking a place at Queen Consolidated. He went missing after six months instead of coming home for his sister’s twenty-first birthday. He survived five years of captivity in a war zone when everyone thought he was dead. He came home. But home didn’t have a place for him in it anymore. His parents were both dead, casualties of their own mistakes and a city they had turned against them. His sister was all grown up, the CEO of Queen Consolidated with a fiancé and a dog and a life of her own. Oliver didn’t belong in his old life, but there was nowhere else for him to go. He was a man without a home, without any way of finding one, until he stopped by the IT department of his sister’s company to get files off an old, battered memory card, and found a woman with curly blonde hair and bright, intelligent eyes chewing on a bright red pen and swearing at a computer screen. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12613188/chapters/28734552

Do You Remember multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - Eight years after Oliver and Felicity became teenage parents, they have everything they could have ever hoped for and more. They have a good life in a nice house. Their marriage is happy, and a second baby is on its way. The calm they have settled in is interrupted abruptly when a stalker starts terrorizing Felicity. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17409059/chapters/40978307

(Don't) Let Me Go multi-chapter WIP by @emmilynestill - Felicity told him to let her go, but even when Oliver tried, it didn’t seem to be something he was capable of. In the end, there would be nothing in the world Felicity was more grateful for. Weaving in and out of the final four episodes of Season 5 and beyond, follow Oliver and Felicity’s emotional journey back to one another, one step at a time. http://archiveofourown.org/works/11591223/chapters/26051715

From Somewhere Within multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow - Their connection has always felt natural to them, safe and secure. But others tend to fear what they don’t understand, and as far as their enemies are concerned, the world isn’t ready to accept two people who can know each other the way that Oliver and Felicity do. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16009244/chapters/37356257

Overwatch multi-chapter WIP by @it-was-a-red-heeler - A burglary attempt convinces the Mayor of Starling City to hire Smoak Technologies to strengthen his security. But between the sassy AI watching him 24/7 and the personal trainer with his own reasons to kill him, Oliver may wish he’d stuck with his baseball bat for protection. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500640/chapters/41221793

Providence multi-chapter WIP by @so-caffeinated - Will Queen has struggled in silence in the year since he was shot. But when a shadowy crime lord known as Domino targets the only woman Will’s ever truly loved, fate forces him to confront his demons in ways he never could have imagined… Whether he wants to or not. Amelia Prescott has fought to take control of her life since learning two years ago that her personal and professional worlds were manipulated by others. But nothing can prepare her for just how hard she'll have to fight to set her own course, especially when her heart belongs to a damaged man and a crime lord threatens her every professional move... And her life. Destiny brings them together, but as chaos reigns and personal demons haunt Will and Amelia both, it may also threaten to tear them apart. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17919056/chapters/42308753

Forever I'm Yours (Forever I do) (Season 7B) by @dust2dust34 - Season 7B. Oliver hid Felicity’s chocolates and she is not happy about it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15714660/chapters/42995150

Re-Airrow 2x22 by @lostolicityscenes - I was hesitant to write a scene for this episode because it’s so tightly action packed and the Olicity scenes were perfect. What could I possibly add to them? I decided to slot a short scene in after the hug above for two reasons; because I needed to wrap up my little subplot of Felicity’s headaches (all based off the above gif and Emily always touching her head towards the end of the season) and because I wanted to build a case for Oliver’s willingness to let Felicity handle Slade. https://lostolicityscenes.tumblr.com/post/183593885946/re-airrow-2x22 

Run to the Water multi-chapter Complete by @someonesaidcake - The year is 1912, Oliver was 9 and far too old to be babysitting that nonsensical girl Felicity whose parents owned the cattle ranch where his parents worked and lived, but she won him over with oat and raisin biscuits and soon became his little blonde sidekick...with a completely unrequited crush on him. Years later she returns from boarding school and more than bush fires ignite in the changing times.... https://archiveofourown.org/works/7455738/chapters/16942293

Kerosene and Desire multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow - An Olicity Notebook AU with a darker twist. https://archiveofourown.org/works/18082427/chapters/42741014

// @emmaamelia95 // @mel-loves-all // @oliverfel4 // @green-arrows-of-karamel // @coal000 // @miriam1779 // @memcjo// @captainolicitysbedroom // @tdgal1 // @spaztronautwriter // @lalawo1// @quiveringbunny // @wrongshipper // @thebookjumper // @vaelisamaza // @myhauntedblacksoul // @lovelycssefan // @laurabelle2930 // 

[turnupswritessometimes]

The One With the Zombies - AshEiji - Ch12

Title: The One With the Zombies

Chapter: 12

Word Count: 4026

Description:  Another what it says on the tin from me - it’s a Zombie Apocalypse AU because how else could this anime/manga get any darker? Whilst on the run from the outbreak of zombies, reporters Ibe and Eiji stumble across a New York street gang, safely huddled in an abandoned warehouse. As if the undead weren’t surprising enough, Eiji finds himself becoming closer and closer to the gang’s leader, mysteriously dubbed Ash Lynx. But safety doesn’t last forever and soon it’s only Ash and Eiji. And they’re up against more than just zombies.

Note: This is available on A03, and I would recommend you follow it there, as I remember to update it. I would post a link, but then Tumblr wouldn’t include it in search results.

Ash had hoped that the sense of safety would last more than a day. But going back to look-outs put him back on edge. Made his skin prickle at the slightest of sound and brought back that itchy trigger finger. He ended up shooting a deer. That was okay. They ate that for dinner - cooking it over a fire and eating it in chunks. The gas wasn't working anymore, so they had to cook it outside, guns at their hips in case of any unwanted visitors.

"It's just like camp," Eiji had said, smiling up at Ash. He had kissed his forehead then, to soothe some of the panic in his stomach. It had only been a deer, but if it had been a person - a person in need of help, they would be dead. Ash would have another body haunting his dreams.

He saw Shorter whenever he dropped off. He thought that would be fine, because Eiji would be there to remind him that he was still warm and alive. It was still worth being alive.

But he had woken up to an empty room. An empty room and a knock on the door. Then the door was opening and Max's voice was coming to him.

"You were screaming."

It took him a moment. Sat up, hair in his face and his hands buried in the mattress. " I'll try to keep it down next time."

"That's not what I meant."

"Where's Eiji?" He was proud of himself. It had taken him a whole ten seconds before he had asked.

"Look out. I'm afraid you're stuck with me."

That actually brought a sound out of Ash. Not a laugh - not quite - but maybe a slither of one.

"I'd rather face a zombie."

Max sat at the end of the bed. The curtains were drawn, but the evening light still shone in. Normally it would be too bright to sleep in, but they were exhausted. It was becoming easier to sleep when they could see.

"I've never been very good at the dad thing," Max admitted.

"Don't start now."

"Can I chase away any nightmares?"

"Griffin's dead. I killed him. Shorter's dead. I killed him. How do you chase that away?"

Brown eyes pierced his own. Not gentle. Not the kind dad that Max tried to be too often. This was a sober, serious look.

"Do you think they'd want you to be upset over it?"

They had both asked. They had both chosen that. It was easy to be the one to choose, harder to be the one who did it.

Which meant Ash's nerves were running high. He was nervous - nervous about those telephone poles and nervous about how else they might be found. They would be found, he knew, if they stayed here. They had to keep moving.

So he called everyone together. They stood on the porch, making sure they were always protected. Skip sat on the side, loading and reloading Ash's gun.

"We have to go somewhere safer than this," he said. He had an arm around Eiji's waist, a finger curled into his belt loop. He felt Eiji's hand on his hip. It felt right. This felt right. This felt like sliding the last piece of a puzzle into place. It was selfish – it was incredibly selfish to want Eiji by his side just to complete his puzzle, but in the apocalypse you had to be selfish. Everyone else was being selfish. Ash deserved this. And he wasn’t seeing Eiji complaining.

"We know where the virus is now. We have to go back- we have to stop it," he said. His eyes were so full of determination that Ash felt his heart cracking.

"We can't- we can't stop it, Eiji." His throat was dry.

"Or - tell people-"

"Who?" Max's tone was soft. He was back to the gentle dad thing and Ash found that it wasn't annoying him as much anymore. "News stations in the state are down. And no one's about to listen to me."

"Well, we can't just do nothing," Eiji said.

"What can we do?" Ash said. "Three kids and two reporters. We’re hardly even that."

"We can't just run." Eiji looked between them all with a hard, determined gaze.

Run. That was what Ash did. He was good at running. At running and hiding and not turning back. But that wasn't bad. He was starting to learn that. It wasn't just running.

"We're not running. We're surviving." he said. "We're going to survive."

Ash was a survivor. Eiji had said that. So if he was a survivor, he was going to continue to survive.

"So you have a plan?" Ibe asked.

Now everyone was looking at him. It didn't break his resolve, but it made him falter. He stared back and eventually shrugged.

"Shorter was the zombie nerd. Shorter would know what to do."

"The cold," Eiji said. His eyes were focusing on something in the distance.

"Hm?"

"Isn't it- in one of the films - the zombies freeze? We could go north. Where it's colder." His eyes flicked back to Ash, then.

"So...Canada?" Ibe suggested.

Max shook his head. "We'd never get through the border. It's on complete shutdown."

"Bold of you to assume I even have a passport," Ash said. "Who says we need to go through legally?"

"No." Max's voice was firm. "You're basing this on a movie."

"There's not a lot of other things to base it on," Ash said. "We can't stay here. We can't stay in the country. Where else do we go? Mexico?"

“Better weather,” Ibe mumbled.

“That’s true. I know a little Spanish.” Max was rubbing his chin, looking up at the sky.

“It’s too far. It’s a wonder he-“ he wasn’t going to give the name power by saying it. “Hasn’t caught up to us already. It’s too far and maybe Eiji’s right. Maybe the zombies will freeze.”

There was silence for a long time. They stared at each other, willing for anyone to come up with a better idea. There must have been a better plan out there.

Finally, Max broke the quiet. "Fine. We'll go north. We'll take the car as far as it can go."

"Fine by me. I hate that thing."

Eiji turned his head then, to murmur into Ash's ear. "It's tacky."

He smiled, and kissed Eiji's temple. He wanted to melt. To melt into Eiji and let himself be taken care of. To spend the day laughing or sobbing in a rollercoaster of emotions. It didn’t matter if he was haunted by Shorter as long as he had someone to take care of him. As long as he could be vulnerable that was okay.

It was better than being brittle.

But he was still a gang leader. He couldn’t change that just yet. Not whilst there was still a job to be done. He heard the change in his voice, knew he’d hardened back up to stone as he said, "let’s pack up what we can."

Whilst Eiji and Ash had been cycling to New York, Max and Ibe had been raiding gas stations for supplies. The result was an impressive collection of 'I Love New York' tees, most of them a ridiculously large size. As well as shorts and trainers. They were new and they were clothes and that was good enough. And Max had given Ash his cigarettes back. Had slipped them onto the bedside table without a word. Ash had nodded at him. Max had nodded back. It was the closest to a genuine conversation without any sarcasm that they had. And it wasn’t awful.

Of course, there was an argument about the car. About who was going to drive. They stood around it with backpacks thrown into the boot haphazardly, everything but the kitchen sink packed.

"Have you even got a license?" Max was asking, one hand on the handle. "How old are you? Fourteen?"

"Eighteen. And it's my car. Of course I know how to drive it."

"You're not eighteen," Eiji said.

"I turned eighteen last week."

"Ash!"

"What?"

"You didn't tell me!"

"You didn't need to know."

So, it ended up being Eiji's fault that Max slipped into the driver's seat without them noticing. It was Eiji's fault they ended up in the back either side of Skip. Ash loved the kid. He had always loved the kid, but when he was the only thing separating him from Eiji, it was torture. So close and yet so far. It was like Skip knew as well. Usually, he acted twice his age, but when he knew he could be annoying, he reverted back to the kid he should have been. It made guilt and jealousy swirl around in Ash because he knew Skip should have had a normal childhood. He should be in school and with his parents and yet the gang had taken care of him. Did a good job of protecting him.

And he was jealous because he couldn’t remember the last time that he had let himself act his age. Maybe he never had. Maybe it was time to start. Ash did the mature thing. He kicked the back of Max's seat for as long as he could stay moody when Eiji was patiently teaching Skip Japanese.

"And sayonara is goodbye."

"I don't need that one," Ash said.

Eiji smiled. His chocolate eyes were melting when he looked at Ash and it was tempting to melt too.

"So, what's car?" Skip pestered. Like he was a cheeky fairy breaking a spell.

"Kuruma," Eiji said.

"Ku-ru-ma?"

"Mm."

"Skip, give Eiji a break," Ash said. He leant his elbow on the window.

"I'm just learning. It's good to be learned and cultured, Ash." Skip looked up at him with a smile that was anything but innocent. "You just want Eiji all to yourself so you can snog him."

Eiji laughed, but his cheeks were pink. Ash had to look away - not because of Skips words - definitely not - because Eiji was just too much.

"That's not-"

"Eiji, how do you say 'I love you,' in Japanese?"

Ash was surprised to find his pulse racing. He pushed stray hair away from his face, risking a glance over at Eiji. He was meeting his eyes, a smile that was innocent and genuine but also coy and teasing on his lips.

"Aishiteru."

As if that didn’t threaten to make his heart stop completely.

"Ugh," Max groaned from the front. "Can't you kids play a game that doesn’t make me feel like I’m stuck in a rom-com? I was promised a horror at the apocalypse. Or at least an action movie."

"Fine. I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'g'." Ash said.

"Grass?"

"Garden?"

"Gate?"

Eiji and Skip took turns guessing, but Ash shook his head at all of the suggestions.

"Grumpy old git."

To his surprise, it was Ibe who burst out laughing.

"Ash! You're not meant to tell us," Eiji said. He was trying to frown at him. It wasn’t working.

"No, no, the kid is right," Max said. "But I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'L.’"

His eyes met Ash's in the rear view mirror and Ash did his best to narrow his eyes.

"Oh, I know that one." Skip was grinning. "Lovestruck fools."

"Exactly."

"How much longer till we get to Canada?" Ash asked.

"I hate to tell you this, but your boy racer car isn't going to hold out all the way to Canada." Was Max's reply.

They drove past a gaggle of zombies. Too fast for Ash to make out any details, but enough to make the whole car quiet. They hadn't seen any in a while. It had been easy to believe that Papa Dino was the only thing they were running from.

After that, they drove on in relative silence. They tried to turn the radio on at one point - just to see what would happen - and predictably got static back. A few words or sounds came out every so often, like a spirit box. It was better than listening to nothing.

Skip fell asleep an hour in. And Ash was tempted to join him. Cars were safe. They were all here and whilst they weren't driving they could rest.

Eiji's hand found his over Skip's lap. He took Ash's hand, easing his fingers open and running the pads of his fingers over every nerve he could find. It was like electricity. In fact, he could badly stand how it made every part of him feel so alive. How he wanted Eiji to use his magic hands and erase every other touch on him.

He was sure that he fell asleep with that thought running through his head.

*

They stopped at dusk. Max had pulled into a gas station, just in case by some miracle they could use it.

Eiji had been half asleep himself. Stating over at Ash slumped against the window, his hand still tangled in Eiji's and Skip pressed against his side. In that huge t-shirt, he looked younger than ever. Less Leonardo DiCaprio and more teenager on vacation with his dad. His hair had gone fluffy from the impromptu water pump showers.

Ash snapped awake the moment he heard the door slam, as Max got out to check the pumps. His fingers tightened on Eiji, for a moment tight enough to hurt. For a moment, he looked like a wildcat.

Then the moment passed. He rolled down the window with his free hand.

"Where'd we stop?" he called to Max.

"Somewhere of the I-81. Near Scranton. About halfway there, I reck-" Max broke off, swearing as a few drips came from the pump and nothing else. He moved on to the next one. "We probably have enough gas for another twenty miles or so."

Then they were on their own. Eiji shivered at the thought. The car had been warm and cosy. It had felt safe, just like any normal road trip. But it wasn't - of course it wasn't. The plan was to drive up to Buffalo and try and get through customs at the Peace Bridge. Eiji wasn’t sure how they were going to do that. He’d had a visa, but the last place he might have had it was the warehouse. It might not have even got out of the city.

They waited for the gas. There was a lot of swallowing and staring anywhere but the pump, as if the gas would come out only if they didn’t look at it. Ibe climbed into the driver's side to bring the car forward to the next pump. They managed to get a quarter of a tank from it.

Max and Ash stared at each other, seeming to have a conversation with just their eyes. Then Ash opened the door, lifting Skip onto his back.

"We'll camp out in the station. Take whatever food we can and go."

They chanced a fire. Using a drop of petrol to help it get going and boiling pot noodles in a pot over the top of it. They weren't great, but they were food.

And as Ibe and Max offered to take the first watch, Ash and Eiji had the staff room to themselves. We'll, them and Skip, who had woken for dinner before falling asleep again. Eiji often forgot he was only eight or so. Of this was exhausting for him, it went three fold for Skip.

They sat on a sofa that was more duct tape than leather, their legs tangled together. Eiji was almost in Ash's lap, he realised, and wondered whether he should move closer. They hadn't talked about Ash's past - how it was likely to affect their entire relationship. And Eiji wasn't sure how to approach it other than, "is this okay?"

"This is great." Ash was nuzzled into his neck, his mouth on the short hairs at Eiji's hairline.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Ash paused. His arms looped around Eiji's waist, pulling him closer and knocking him off balance so they fell into the sofa.

"I'm used to it," Ash whispered. "And I'm with you, so it's worth it."

"No. It's not. Nothing's worth that."

Ash's mouth traced Eiji's jaw. "I guess you're nothing, then."

"Ash." He made sure to put a warning in his voice. It made him pull away, press his forehead to Eiji's.

"I'm fine," he repeated. "You're fine. It's different with you."

"You'll let me know if you're not fine?"

"Mm. You want a safe word or something?"

"Sure." Eiji rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of Ash's hand. He kissed him, letting his lips move slowly.

"Banana fish." Ash almost said the words into Eiji's mouth, he barely pulled away.

"What?"

"That's it. The safe word. Banana fish."

For some incomprehensible reason, Eiji found himself chuckling at that. Something about it felt incredibly familiar. Incredibly right. He’d never heard those two words together and yet they slid together as if they always belonged that way.

He kissed Ash again, just because he could. "Banana fish it is then."

They were torn between staring at each other whilst it was still light enough to see and by pressing as close together as possible. Eiji's body couldn't figure out a balance between looking at Ash and smothering him with affection.

"I survived my trip to NYC, huh?" Ash tugged out Eiji's t-shirt to read it.

He smiled. "Well, I did, didn't I?"

"We're not out of the state yet." It was only for a moment that Ash's tone darkened. He pecked Eiji's lips again. "When we get to Canada, I'll buy you a leather jacket."

"Oh yeah?" Eiji got brave. He sent a leg over Ash's lap, settling himself so that his hands were on Ash's shoulders.

"Yeah it'll complete your bad boy image." Ash's hands shifts Eiji backwards slightly, so that he was sat on the sofa, between Ash's legs instead of on them. He didn't comment.

"With the leather pants too?"

"Of course." Ash's hand brushed dark curls away from Eiji's face. "I'll sell that tacky earring for it."

"What about your bad boy image?"

"I don't need it anymore."

"Ash Lynx going straight." Eiji shook his head, leaning into Ash's touch. He was smiling. It was so easy to smile around Ash. "Soo-Ling will be disappointed."

That made Ash freeze. "I hope the kids okay."

"He will be. He's tough. Tougher than us."

"Tougher than me?" Ash looked up at Eiji from under his fringe, a signature wolf-like smirk on his face.

"Oh, definitely. One month with some Japanese kid and you're already hanging it all up."

Ash frowned. "A month?"

"About that. It's been hard to keep track of."

"It feels like I've known you forever." Ash leant forward, capturing Eiji's mouth again. His lips moved slowly, almost teasingly, his teeth catching against Eiji's mouth. It tingled, like electricity was sparking between them.

“I want to be with you forever.” He was hardly aware of the words coming out of him. Only really aware that the tips of Ash’s fingers were travelling from the side of his hips to his ribcage and he loved that feeling. He felt himself arching his back to accommodate, his own hands drifting down Ash’s chest. “Is that crazy? I barely know you – it’s an accident that we even met, but I – I’m scared to be without you.”

Ash pulled away, then. Looked him dead in the eyes with a gaze that could never hope to live up to that stupid piece of jade. “I know.”

Shivers went through Eiji. For a moment, he didn’t know if they were good or bad. Scary. It was kind of scary. And yet – and yet, yes – that was how it felt. That was how it felt but he didn’t want to dwell on that.

“Your birthday. Why didn’t you mention your birthday?”

“It’s really not a big deal.” Ash tugged Eiji’s shirt sleeves, pulling him closer. Tugging at his mouth as if he was trying to distract him. And damn, if he wasn’t good at that.

“It really is. You’re eighteen.”

“Mm. Not as old as you, though.”

“You’ll catch up one day.”

And Ash giggled. Or damn near made a sound like he was giggling. That made Eiji’s resolve crumble too. He fell forward, almost flush against Ash, trying to find air to breathe and failing miserably.

They hadn’t realised how dark it got until a torch shone on them. They squinted through the yellow light to see two silhouettes in the doorway. Heard Max say, “your turn,” even though Eiji was hurriedly trying to get off of Ash. To try and disguise their flushed cheeks. Not like there was a point – they hadn’t been subtle about their relationship. But Ibe was still Ibe and it was awkward.

Ash didn’t seem to care. His fingers laced in Eiji’s with ease as he passed the older men. They stood in the doorway of the gas station. The security light still worked – the battery was going, so it flickered on occasionally, casting everything in a yellow glow for just a moment. It felt like a beacon, waving at anything nearby that there were people here.

The mood had changed. This wasn’t the safety of the indoors. Of knowing that there were people who would warn them. This was look out duty and it was tense. It was shadows driving Eiji insane nd squinting into the darkness to see something – anything – and not knowing whether to be relieved that there was nothing there.

Only there was something there. A shape in the darkness. A shuffling shape that, when the light fell on it, was all black gaping mouth and peeling grey skin.

“Ash,” Eiji whispered.

“I see it.” Ash was already pulling the rifle that had been placed round the side of the door out, checking the silencer was screwed on.

“Let me do it.” He wasn’t sure where the determination in his voice came from, but it was there.

A pause. “What?”

“Please.”

“No, Eiji.” Ash was already aiming. Waiting for the light to spark on again so he could take the shot.

“You don’t want me to get blood on my hands.” It had always come down to that. Ash had never liked Eiji shooting, and he hadn’t been able to figure out why until Shorter. Until he had seen the look in Ash’s eye and hadn’t been allowed to touch a gun afterwards. “It’s not that simple.” He paused, watching Ash’s expression. It was fixed. Eyes narrowed. Finger poised. Waiting. Waiting, but not shooting. “Together. We’ve done everything together. Let’s do this together too. You don’t have to take all of the blood.”

There was a long moment. Eiji could hear the shuffling footsteps now and a familiar tightness was in his throat. A familiar racing heartbeat.

Then Ash moved. Quickly, almost knocking Eiji over as he swung an arm around him. He was pressed tightly against Ash’s back, hands over his guiding him into already familiar positions on the gun. He was holding a gun. He was going to take the shot. Going to take some of that weight from Ash’s shoulders.

It was heavy. The gun. He fought to line it up, so that the crosshairs caught two tiny, beady eyes.

Eiji didn’t hesitate. He slammed the trigger as soon as he knew it would hit. Felt the impact of the bullet leave it’s metal home, even if he didn’t hear it. Felt the gun rear back like a wild horse – ever so slightly. The shadow fell to the floor with a damp thud. It was anticlimactic.

Ash’s finger was pressing down over his. So tightly that it hurt.

It had been at the same time. Eiji hadn’t hesitated, so he hadn’t noticed, but they had slammed the trigger at the same time.

At the end of the day, they may have both held the gun, but it was really Ash who pulled the trigger.

[milkie-yoongi]

SHRBBFBF 19 35 1 28 54 12 16 2 3 5 4 9 10 7 6 22 30 TROLOLOLO

OK THANK YOU MA’AM NOW YOU GET YOUR REWARD WHICH IS MY ANSWERS (thank God theres no number after 26 my wrists are hurting)

19. Has an idol or group said anything that has stuck with you?

OH YES everything yoongi has said sticks with me in some way, but this one is one ill always remember:

“it’s okay if you don’t have a dream, you might not have one. just being happy is fine.”

its so reassuring to hear this because people in our generation have grown up in a culture where having a dream is normal, honorable, and even expected. from the day we’re in kindergarten, grown ups ask us “what do you want to be when you grow up?” and we say far fetched things like pilots, surgeons astronauts, which is great. It’s amazing to see little kids want to become something so honorable. But a lot of times, having a dream comes with making sacrifices, and if you know that you actually desire to go after your dream, those sacrifices may be worth it to you. But society often shuns those who don’t have dreams. They consider these people confused, lazy, abnormal, etc. I think his words spoke to me so deeply because I never had a dream. I have ideas and plans of what I’d like to do, but I don’t want to dream because doing so to me is just chasing a fantasy. I don’t want to chase after something that may keep running away. Something that I may never reach. I don’t like to dream. Am I weird? I thought so in high school, but now I am content. So I just do the best I can with whatever opportunity is in front of me, moment by moment, and await the doors that open from there. It’s worked pretty well so far. 

It’s important to enjoy happiness now, to be content wherever you are, whether you have a dream or not, whether you reached that dream or not. It’s okay to feel lost, to feel like you have no direction or no idea of where you want to go in life. It will all work out the way it’s supposed to eventually. Yoongi is saying it’s important to just be happy,  because if you’re always focused on the future you will miss out on the good things that are right in front of you in the present. (through this i get to give all of you some reassurance (especially to my younger followers) and a wake up call and i love it) :)

1. What kpop songs make you feel at home?

Ughh tough one but Awake by Seokjin and Forever Rain by Namjoon, and BTS’s Young Forever like wow they just get me every time. 

2. What idol(s) do you associate with kindness?

All of BTS really because they are so selfless but the ones that stand out are Yoongi, Seokjin, and Namjoon because they’ve just constantly gone out of their way to serve others whether it be making sacrifices for the younger ones in BTS or giving back to fans/society. 

3. Has a kpop song or group helped you through some difficult times? If so, and if you feel comfortable, share how.

First Love…man, this one just spoke to me on so many levels. I made an entire tumblr post honoring that masterpiece last year but I can’t find it so I’ll sum it up as concisely as I can. I was going through a rough time before my first year of undergrad. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life but I just got into deeply stanning BTS a few months before graduating HS and I felt like through all their songs, they were speaking to me to do what made me happy and not follow what others said would make me happy. My parents really wanted me to go to a good university because they wanted the best for me, and I was thankful, but I felt out of place there. I hated my major and I wanted to do something else, but didn’t know what because literally nothing interests me enough. Uni had already started though, and while my skill set was good for my major, I was so bored. I was ready to give piano up too and give in to the peer pressure of “just focus on school and forget anything that may distract you from it” (the mindset of the humans around me are so lame seriously i wish I grew up in a different area). So after my last piano lesson in HS, I didn’t touch the instrument much and it didn’t occur to me that if I kept that up, all my years of lessons would go to waste. So in the middle of my first quarter at uni (it was october), I was called to do more collaborative performances. I said yes because Im too nice, but practicing was hard when I had to worry about the demands of school. A few days later, while I was still learning the pieces I was supposed to play, the Wings album dropped. I already stanned Yoongi at that time because he was so relatable to me since the stuff we went through is very similar (through mine being very mild compared to his), but when I heard First Love about how he never wanted let go of what he loved most even when things were tough, I knew that at the time, it was meant to be that I continue piano. I grew to love it so much throughout the next few weeks, not just because of the song lyrics that made it feel like he was speaking to encourage me but because of what piano itself was able to do for me. It saved me from feeling like I was a slave to school, it provided me with something rewarding to look forward to, gave me a great part time job, and gave had a purpose when I never felt as if I had a purpose (skill wise) before. When things got tough and I had no desire to keep practicing, the lyrics of this song made me want to practice, to keep going. 

You know what, let me give you a breakdown of why this song SPECIFICALLY spoke to me through the lyrics (yes this is going to be a 1500 word essay because im just so touched by this and have been since 2016 SO READ IT! YOU WON’T REGRET.

I remember back during my elementary school daysWhen my height became taller than yoursI neglected you when I once yearned for you soOn top of the white jade-like keyboardDust is piling onYour image that has been neglectedEven then I didn’t know your significance

^This is exactly how I felt when I first learned to play piano in elementary school. I hated it. I cried whenever I had to practice because all my friends had so much free time and got to run around outside whenever they wanted while I couldn’t. i was jealous of them because they did not have this responsibility. I wanted to quit during the first few years since I was naive though because I did not know how thankful I would one day be for learning this instrument. I didn’t know its significance. 

Don’t worry even if I leaveYou’ll do well on your ownI remember when I first met youBefore I knew it you grew upThough we are putting an end to our relationship

^My parents still pushed for lessons and wouldn’t let me quit. I still despised going to lessons and practicing, and did the bare minimum to pass the music exams, which allowed me to focus more on my friends and schoolwork. I didn’t feel sorry that I took no joy in it, it just felt like a routine chore I had to get through each year, like school. In my mind, I put an end to that relationship. 

Don’t ever feel sorry to meI will get to meet you againNo matter what formGreet me happily then

^Now that I look back, I could see that if my piano could talk, as stupid as that sounds, it would say this to me, telling me that I would greet it happily again one day because I would be so thankful for the role it would play in my life.

I remember back then when I met you thatI had completely forgotten, when I was around 14The awkwardness was only for a moment, I touched you againEven though I was gone for a long timeWithout repulsionYou accepted me

^I was 14 when I met a classmate who revitalized my interest in playing piano after my 6 years of hating it. We became great friends because of piano. He did the same program as me where we had to pass yearly exams, so we went through the struggle together for most of high school. His love for playing inspired me, and for the first time, I genuinely began to enjoy it. 

Don’t let go of my hand forever, I won’t let go of you again either

^Again, if pianos could talk, this is what it would say to me the moment I performed my first duet with a good friend of mine. I enjoyed it so much that it gave me chills each time we rehearsed the piece together, feeding off each other’s energy. I never felt this kind of energy when I performed as a soloist, only fear and dread. This is when I knew that if this type of playing (collaborative) it could make me feel this way all the time, I would vow to never stop playing. So I decided to never let go again. 

I remember back thenWe burned up the last of my teen’sYes the days when we couldn’t see an inch in front of usWe laughed, we criedThose days with you,Those moments are now in memories

^The 18th, 19th, and 20th years of my life. Those years went by fast and most of my joy during those years came from practicing for duet and chamber music performances. There was so much emotion, and so much thankfulness that overcame me each time I touched the keys. I lived for it. It helped me get through the times I was most discouraged and really was the thing that motivated me to do well in school and other things because to practice as much as I wanted I had to first finish everything else that could get in my way. Those moments have now become the best memories of my life, because it was the first time I loved something so much.

Every time I wanted to give upBy my side you said …you can really do it

^I constantly doubted my abilities. I don’t have pure talent, I get nervous easily, and I need to put hours and hours of practice in compared to others. Thousands of people are more qualified than me to be in this position, to be serving this purpose. So many times I’ve thought, is this really worth it? Am I the right person to do this? Why did I have to practice late into the night, sacrifice some aspects of my social life and going out, and feeling guilty anytime I’m wasnt practicing, just to learn a musical piece? It wasn’t easy at all. Yet, the chills I get from every practice and every performance along with every smile I’ve received from those I perform with has been a confirmation that no matter how hard it gets, I shouldn’t stop, because the joy at the end is worth so much more than the pain of the process. And I learned that if you love something so much, then you really can do it and you won’t let anything stop you.

The corner of my memoryA brown piano settled on one sideIn the corner of my childhood houseA brown piano settled on one side

^As time goes on and seasons change, life may take me to a place where I’ll never be able to experience this type of joy from a piano again, or it may take me to a place where I can be surrounded by this joy everyday. Who knows, life is strange and unpredictable. But one thing is for sure. I’ll never forget the significance of this instrument. It’s such a simple thing. An inanimate object with eighty eight black and white keys, maybe a piece of furniture to some people. But to me, it will always remain as special memory that saved me from feeling even more lost and let me meet and help so many great people. 

Thank you Yoongi, for writing this song and releasing it EXACTLY when I needed it.

(I should actually be practicing right now I devoted my time to this because it means so much to me)

~~If you happened to read this whole thing let me know what you think I WANT YOUR THOUGHTS! also, you a real one ;)

5. What’s your favorite ballad?

HMMM THIS IS A MEAN QUESTION BECAUSE I LIVE FOR BALLADS. “Autumn Outside the Post Office” is a good one

4. What idol would you star gaze with? Why?

Yoongi since he will be a sleepy bb and that’ll give me the chance to cuddle him with as many blankets as he wants. 

7. Would you rather give or receive a gift from your bias?

Give a gift first because its better to GIVE than RECEIVE MHMM but also because Yoongi just does so much for everyone and works so hard so I want to give him a gift with a letter in it expressing my thankfulness for his existence. He better read it. 

6. What was your first kpop group that you stanned? Why did you stan?

B.A.P !! These six bois were the hIGHLIGHT of my life back then. Honestly I got through high school happily because of them! They were just so down to earth and hilarious, and I admired that they wrote most of their songs and wrote lyrics about actual issues in the world instead of just cheesy love. They switched up their musical style a lot and weren’t afraid to experiment with new sounds and were able to go from hard hitting tracks to ballads that could make tears travel down your face instantly. Also Daehyun’s voice…nobody can beat that I think he ate an angel or something oooOooOoo. And Zelo’s love for cherry tomatoes, Yongguk getting uncooked ramen out of the mailbox in a park, and Jongup eating mcdonald’s on that one show…ok that’s enough, let me go cry now bc of this nostalgia. 

22. Would you rather go to Disneyland or Everland with your bias? What would you do there?

Everland because I’ve been to Disneyland wayyyyy too much and I’m tired of the humongous crowd. But Yoongi is probably not the type to get all excited over amusement parks and I’m cool w that so we’d most likely just walk around and eat churros every hour if Everland even has those. 

[forfansbyfans]

Creative Energy: A FFBF Artist Interview

Homestuck Tarot Acts 6 & 7 - Card Illustrated:  The Sun

It’s always fascinating to see how huge the Homestuck art community is all over the world - Where are you from?

I'm from up and down east coast U.S., I mostly grew up in northern Virginia but I'm based in Boston now!

We’re in love with the tarot deck! Can you tell us a little bit about how you became involved?

I heard about it .... probably just via a tumblr post or something but I signed up because I knew Aryll and knew she'd be a fantastic organizer! Which of course was a correct assumption to make, the project has grown so much and come so far no doubt thanks to her efforts.

Tell us a little bit about the artwork you contributed to the deck – how does the art tie in with the meaning behind the card?

Ooh ok so. I did The Fool which is of course the first of the major arcana. You can probably find out more via googling than from asking me but basically The Fool symbolizes new beginnings, spontaneity, faith in the whims of the universe and beginners luck, a lot of meanings that funnel pretty directly into John during the entire F1X TH1S arc (Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 4). I really love that arc because John and Terezi are two of my favorite characters and also because I feel like after the weird hopelessness and futile vibes of most of act 6, it feels like the characters finally get to take their fate into their own hands and really...dig into it, wrangle it into submission, I guess! And ultimately take steps forward when so much of act 6 felt like walking in place. Anyways, John is the main character focused on in the card because the fool kind of has to be the protagonist but Terezi's blindfold is there as a sort of twisty path for him to follow and in the background you can see the mind-y powers and a whole bunch of the situations John encounters in between the gaps. Unfortunately, I ended up covering up a lot of the scenes I drew in the background... a price paid to maintain a decent composition lol..

How have you grown as an artist over the years and what has helped you grow? 

Well, I went to school for art so that was one. And I draw everyday or at least most days, can never minimize the value of that.

What’s your process? Where do you find inspiration?

I know this isn't everyone but, for my personal process and the way I think, I'm a firm believer in the 99 bad drawings 1 good one mentality. Or maybe even 999 bad drawings 1 good one. I think the way I function I need to be making a lot and drawing a lot of really ugly, useless drawings before I can make one that I actually like. So I draw a lot and I sketchbook a lot and every so often something good comes out of it. As for inspiration... everything, obviously! But that's a cop out answer so I'll list the big ones: movies, comics, occasionally video games and other artists! Published and professional artists of course but also a huge shout out to fandom artists who are just as inspiring if not moreso. I don't think fanwork gets enough credit for how much it inspires.

What kind of impact has Homestuck had on your life and art?   

I've been into Homestuck and active in the Homestuck fandom since.. oh god, since late 2010 so 7-8 years now and I don't think it's possible to overstate just how much influence it's had on my life. I mean, I was reading it throughout my late teens and now well into adulthood so that's some formative stuff. Like this is going to sound like an exaggeration but I honestly believe my work wouldn't be nearly on the level as it is today if it weren't for Homestuck. The creative energy of the fandom as it's peak was so intensely motivating, the upd8 culture, the collaborative and competitive culture with Homestuck Shipping Olympics and Homestuck Shipping World Cup, the sheer volume of fanwork not just art but fic, writing, audio, fangames etc etc...I mentioned earlier that I draw everyday and I think that's definitely a habit I developed because of Homestuck. Also, I think it ruined me for fandoms forever because now I keep getting involved in fandoms hoping it'll live up to the thrill of Peak Homestuck Fandom like I'm chasing a high and... nothing lives up to it. lol. Truly, they were the golden years.

What advice would you give to a younger you?

It depends on how much younger! Like if it were 5-years-ago-me I'd be like "Hey, stop being so mean to people. It's ok and good to be nice." and if it were 10-years-ago-me I'd be like "Read all the books you can right now because you're gonna grow up and methods of information consumption are going to change and unfortunately your phone will be 20x more interesting than a book".

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Interview by Cassie Steensrud

@whatpumpkin @meruz