#what would it be called if you wrote fiction about someone you hated?

[sylv-e-on]

I feel like I'm committing a crime right now

[weaselle]

i want to talk about real life villains

Not someone who mugs you, or kills someone while driving drunk, those are just criminals. I mean VILLAINS.

Not like trump or musk, who are... cartoonishly evil. And not sexy villains, not grandiose villains, not even satisfyingly two dimensional villains it is easy to hate unconditionally. The real villains.

I had a client who was a retired executive for one of the big oil companies, i think it was Shell or Chevron. Had a home just outside of San Francisco that was wall to wall floor to ceiling full of expensive art. Literally. I once accidentally knocked a painting off the wall because it was hanging at knee height at the corner of the stairs, and it had a little brass plaque on it, and i looked up the name of the artist and it was Monet's apprentice and son-in-law, who was apparently also a famous painter. He had an original Andy Warhol, which should have been a prize piece for anyone to showcase -- it was hanging in the bathroom. I swear to god this guy was using a Chihuly (famous glass sculptor) as a fruit bowl. And he was like, "idk my wife was the one who liked art"

I was intrigued by this guy, because in the circles i run this dude is The Enemy. right? Wealthy oil executive? But as my client, he was... like a sweet grandpa. A poor widower, a nice old man, anyone who knew him would have called him a sweetheart. He had a slightly bewildered air, a sort of gentle bumbling nature.

And the fact that he was both of these things, a Sweet Little Old Man and The Enemy, at the same time, seemed important and fascinating to me.

He reminded me of some antagonist from fiction, but i couldn't put my finger on who. And when i did it all made sense.

John Hammond.

probably one of the most realistic bad guys ever written.

If you've only ever seen the movie, this will need some explaining.

Michael Crichton wrote Jurassic Park in 1990, and i read it shortly thereafter. In the movie, the dinosaurs are the antagonists, which imo erases 50% of the point of the story.

book spoilers below.

In the book, John Hammond is the villain but it takes the reader like half the book to figure that out. Just like my client, John is a sweet old man who wants lovely things for people. He's a very sympathetic character. But as the book progresses, you start to see something about him.

He has an idea, and he's sure it's a good one. When someone else dies in pursuit of his dream, he doesn't think anything of it. When other people turn out to care about that, he brings in experts to evaluate the safety of his idea, and when they quickly tell him his idea is dangerous and needs to be put on hold, he ignores his own experts that he himself hired, because they are telling him that he is wrong, and he is sure he is right.

In his mind, he's a visionary, and nobody understands his vision. He is surrounded by naysayers. Several things have proven too difficult to do the best and safest way, so he has cut corners and taken shortcuts so he can keep moving forward with his plans, but he's sure it's fine. He refuses to hear any word of caution, because he believes he is being cautious enough, and he knows best, even though he has no background in any of the sciences or professions involved. He sends his own grandchildren out into a life-threatening situation because he is willfully ignorant of the danger he is creating.

THIS is like the real villains of the world. He doesn't want anyone to die. Far from it, he only wants good things for people! He's a sweet old man who loves his grandchildren. But he has money and power and refuses to hear that what he is doing is dangerous for everyone, even his own family.

I think he's possibly one of the most important villains ever written in popular fiction.

In the book, he is killed by a pack of the smallest, cutest, "least dangerous" dinosaurs, because a big part of why we read fiction is to see the villains face thematic justice. But like a cigarette CEO dying of lung cancer, his death does not stop his creation from spreading out into the world to continue to endanger everyone else.

I think it is really important to see and understand this kind of villainy in fiction, so you can recognize it in real life.

Sweetheart of a grandfather. Wanted the best for everyone. Right up until what was best for everyone inconvenienced the pursuit of his own interests.

And my client was like that too. His wife had died, and his dog was now the love of his life, and she was this little old dog with silky hair in a hair cut that left long wispy bits on her lower legs. Certain plant materials were easily entangled in this hair and impossible to get out without pulling her hair which clearly hurt her. When i suggested he ask his groomer to trim her lower leg hair short to avoid this, he refused, saying he really liked her usual hair cut.

I emphasized that she was in pain after every walk due to the plant debris getting caught in her leg hair, and a simple trim could put an end to her daily painful removal of it, and he just frowned like i'd recommended he take a bath in pig shit and said "But she'll be ugly" and refused to talk about it anymore.

Sweet old man though. Everyone loved him.

[lhswon]

CRAZY TIPS = CRAZY FEELINGS { l.hs }

ᯓᡣ𐭩 𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: wherein, heeseung is a player, a fuck boy, and a rich one too which is all what y/n hates about a man. y/n in contrast is a broke college student who barely makes a living to pay up her rent and college tuition. despite years of being in the same university as heeseung, they never had any interactions until the day heeseung finally laid his eyes on y/n who works on the counter at some nightclub and started leaving her with some crazy cash tips.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: yandere!lee heeseung x tsundere!fem!reader

ᯓᡣ𐭩 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚: non!idol, enemies (one sided) to lovers troupe, kinda slow burn, teeth-rotting fluff, heeseung is a softie, you and enha are in the same age for the sake of the plot

ᯓᡣ𐭩 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: lots cursing, suggestive scenes (mdni!), fighting, drinking, smoking, mention of substances, family issues, mention of SA, display of dominance and possessiveness, heeseung is always jealous (lmk if i missed any!)

ᯓᡣ𐭩 𝙬𝙘: unknown (as of now :D)

ᯓᡣ𐭩 𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚: whoop whoop. wrote this au the moment i saw that video of hee drinking whiskey in a party :D man he was HOT i couldn't stop myself from making this. ALSO BIG NOTE, none of this reflect the idols mentioned in real life. this is only a FICTION and for entertainment purposes only.

𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘂𝗲

the loud music and people's chaotic cheering and murmuring were the ones that welcomed heeseung and his friends, along with the mixed smell of alcohol, perfumes, and smoke from cigarettes. it was already 2:00 am but it seemed a bit more early for the people inside the club, the energy was just insane.

as they walked to find their own spot, heeseung constantly sees people making out on the spot which made him smirk a bit. his initial plan was to find someone to hook up with tonight. it was their midterm interlude after all, he needed to relax and he wanted to start by hooking up.

"i'll order us some drinks, what do you guys want?" jake remained standing while the rest of them sat at the circular couch.

"i want just want some rum." sunghoon said. jay said he wanted the same thing.

"sunoo hyung and i will just have some whiskey." jungwon followed, raising his left hand up and pointed to sunoo next to him.

"what about you, seung?" jake asked.

"just get me some scotch, please and thank you." heeseung said and jake nodded before leaving.

while jay and sunghoon was talking something about their academics, sunoo and jungwon was just chatting why their youngest, niki, recently failed his long test and have to go through intensive tutoring as of the moment.

heeseung on the other hand wandered his eyes around and when he catched a glimpse of jake on the counter, he followed him using his eyes and his breathing hitched when he saw your angelic face giving small smiles to jake as he leans in to tease you.

"come on, do you really have to work tonight? i can pay your manager so he would let you drink with me." the man in front of you insisted. you subtly gave him a 'are-you-fucking-serious' look before brushing his statement off with an awkward chuckle.

"i'm sorry sir, but we are currently short on staffs so everyone needs to play their parts." you gave him a small smile before handing him the bottles he ordered.

"oh come on, don't call me sir. don't act like you do not go to the same university as me." jake chuckled sexily which made you secretly scoff.

you have to admit, jake is attractive, hot even, but he's just way out of your league. he's hot, he's rich, he's an academic achiever, and lives almost a perfect life, plus he's a play boy which is a big no no for you. he's just everything you hate about men.

"i can't jake, i have to work. now, please do get off the counter, i have other customers to serve other than you." you said bravely and gave him a fake smile which made jake smirk. your feisty attitude just turns him on.

after successfully shooing away jake sim, you suddenly felt eyes watching you. you wandered your eyes around and you choked on air when you realize that the pair of eyes watching, and staring at you darkly was heeseung's. one of your schoolmate and friend of jake.

the way heeseung stared at you darkly made you panic. his piercing eyes never leaving you even before you saw jake put down the drinks they ordered. you're like a prey, recognized by the predator. he only diverted his gaze when jake called him, handing him his drink. you too, were nudged by your co-worker.

"you okay?" red asked. she's your co-worker, also your work buddy. you nodded and cleared your throat.

"if you're tired already, you should rest. you're about to end your shift anyways." she suggested while you nodded.

you chatted with her a bit before going to the staff room to change, get your things, and time yourself out from work. the moment you exited the club using the back door, you immediately hugged yourself due to cold. you could see the smoke coming out of your mouth as you breathe. not even the padded jackets could easily warm you up in this cold weather.

you walked through the parking lot to find your second-hand car when you saw two shadow beside your car, making out. it made you mentally scoff, out of all places, why beside yours?

it was cold and already late, you have no choice but to walk towards your car. as you finally get close to the scene, you yet again saw those familiar piercing eyes from heeseung when he watched over you while still kissing the girl in front of him. since the girl was leaning on your car, you couldn't really go without her getting off first so you coughed awkwardly.

"oh, sorry!" the girl squeeled.

finally, they stopped kissing and the girl giggled, as if she's happy that someone had just caught her making out in the parking lot. heeseung on the other hand stayed silent and watched over you intently.

"i'm sorry." you said politely as you bowed your head before moving to open the door of your car. you were about to head inside when you heard the girl murmured something.

"this car is trash, right hee?"

your eyes twitched from what the girl said. slowly, you turned to her with a small smile.

"well look who's talking, you'll just be as dirty as a trash when this man throws you away like a garbage after using you." you said before getting inside your car and starts your engine.

the girl was shocked while heeseung smirked at your attitude. without knowing, you just picked heeseung's interest, and it was the on switch for his yandere era to begin.

check out the chapter 1 here

[angels-fantasy]

Top Secret Fiction Ch. 6

The Confrontation

Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

Description: After meeting the one and only pro hero Dynamight on a dating app, you two begin to see each other. Because of the dangers that come with his hero work, you both promise to be completely honest with each other from the beginning; though you can't help but keep one big secret from him.

You write fan fiction, mostly about him.

Chapter Details: deku makes an appearance here heheh. bakugou lowkey might like fanfics? but only if they're about him. scary confrontation 😟 reader is a bit sad and confused :(

Word Count: 1.4k

previous chapter

As soon as Bakugou got home, he opened his computer and looked up 'Bakugou x Reader'. What came up was a ton of links to different websites, one of the top ones being HeroFiction.Com.

Clicking on it, he scrolled through the sight and found many other original stories about different pro heroes.

While doing this, he learned that this was called fan fiction, which he'd heard about before, but he never paid attention to it because he didn't care.

Keeping the website open, he leaned back and wondered, were you writing fan fiction about him? You must've been, based on your notes. Did you write for other pro heroes, or just him?

A small part of him hoped you only wrote for him.

He sighed and rubbed his hands down his face, trying to think about what the hell he was going to do about this. Clearly, this was something you didn't want to tell him, meaning you kept it a secret.

And he hates secrets, but for some reason, this didn't feel too bad. He was almost... flattered, in a way. He was also curious and he just wanted to know more. But how would he even bring this up to you?

Deciding he'd need help with understanding this website, he called someone he trusted.

"Hey Deku. You know what fan fiction is, right?"

Blushing, Izuku replied with "Why are you asking me that Kacchan?!"

"Because I know you used to write that shit back in high school!" He explained, "Just tell me what you know about this site called 'HeroFiction.com.'"

A lightbulb went off in Izuku's head, "Oh yeah I recognize that name! It's basically a website for pro hero fanfiction. I've seen a few good ones actually-"

"Yeah okay, thanks." Katsuki said, cutting off his friend.

It was time for him to do more of his own research, specifically on this website.

...

When you woke up the next morning, you found yourself in your bed wondering how you got there.

Did I fall asleep? You wondered.

You cringed at the thought of Bakugou seeing you asleep and hoped you didn't do anything embarrassing.

Rubbing your eyes, you grabbed your phone from the nightstand and saw a text from Bakugou letting you know he had left after putting you in your bed.

You smiled at his thoughtfulness and texted him back a thank you, and an apology for falling asleep while he was over.

After tossing your phone down onto the bed next to you, you stretched and blinked away any leftover sleep.

As you were stretching your legs you felt your foot hit something softly. Wondering what it was, you sat up and looked at the foot of your bed, eyes widening when you realized it was your notebook.

But this wasn't just any notebook- this one had all of your notes for fics you were planning on writing.

You thought about how Bakugou brought you into your bedroom, and your heart sank to your stomach when you realized he probably saw your notebook.

"Noooo!" You cried and placed your hands over your eyes. "Kill me now..."

You prayed to any higher power out there that he didn't read anything.

...

Your prayers clearly didn't reach anyone because a few hours after waking up, you got a text from Bakugou that said, "Can we talk? ASAP."

Biting your nail nervously, you texted back "Sure" and asked when and where he'd want to meet up.

Quickly texting back, he told you he'd meet you at a cafe near your neighborhood in a few hours.

A little while later as you got ready to meet up with him you felt like you were going to cough up your stomach and die from your nerves.

You didn't want to accept it, but deep down you knew he figured out your secret. It was already terrifying trying to keep what you did in your free time a secret, but now that the person you wrote about knew, was even more terrifying!

It seemed as though your frantic thoughts made time go by even faster than usual, and it was now time for you to leave so you could make it to the cafe on time.

Taking a deep breath and patting your face, you stepped out of your apartment and began to head to the cafe.

...

As Bakugou sat at the cafe in the outdoor dining area, he tapped his foot anxiously as he awaited your arrival.

After his phone call with Deku and doing his own research (which just consisted of reading other fan fictions he came across), he came to the conclusion that he would accept this hobby of yours, if you were honest about it when he confronted you.

Since he had browsed the website a bit, he came across some stories that were actually decent (but also others that were very, very questionable and he really hoped you didn't write anything like that. ESPECIALLY not a story with him and that damn Deku).

He'd never admit it, but it boosted his ego a bit to know that you wrote about him, and he definitely wanted to read some of your stuff. He wanted to know if it was as good as some of the other ones he has read.

Suddenly, he saw your figure walking towards him and he was snapped out of his thoughts. He sat up straighter and placed his elbows against the table, leaning forward.

You sat down across from him silently with a shy look on your face. "So..." You said softly, "You wanted to talk?"

He cleared his throat, "Yeah. I'll just get to the point..." He said, before hesitating to say, "That night I was at your place, I saw your notebook-"

You grimaced, knowing exactly what he was talking about, and placed your hands over your face in embarrassment. "I'm sorry." You said.

Letting out a deep breath, you uncovered your face and continued to speak while looking down at your lap. "I knew this would come up eventually, I just didn't think it'd be so soon..."

Bakugou scoffed, "So when were you gonna tell me? Never?"

You frowned at his tone, "No! It's just not an easy topic to talk about Bakugou. It's embarrassing and I wasn't just going to say 'Hey Bakugou, did you know I've been writing fan fiction about you for three years?'"

He blinked. He could understand where you were coming from. In fact, he'd probably be more weirded out if you had told him that easily. But, even though you were honest now, it still doesn't shake his uneasiness about you keeping a secret from him.

Sure, it wasn't a huge, life threatening secret, but it was still something you kept from him. He liked honesty, especially in a relationship and it's something he valued heavily. A part of him felt like he should've known about this sooner, since it was about him for gods sake!

He sighed. "Before you go assuming things, I'm not mad at ya, okay?" He said, "I just... I think I need time to think about this alright? A few days at most."

You furrowed your eyebrows subconsciously, making your eyes look big and puppy like. Well damn, how was he supposed to stay away from you when you gave him that look?

"Okay." You spoke sadly, "I understand. I shouldn't have kept that from you, so again, I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "'S fine."

You rubbed your sweaty palms on your legs and stood up. "I'll give you time now, alright? Just, call or text me whenever you're ready." You said and gave him a small wave before walking back in the direction you came from.

As you made your way back, you thought about your talk with Bakugou.

If you wanted to keep seeing him, maybe you would have to stop writing. You were starting to really like Bakugou, and you didn't want a silly hobby to get in the way of a potentially serious relationship with him.

You felt your eyes tear up. It was hard to think about giving up writing. You had made friends through your writing, your own little community online. It was great! But realistically, could you keep this up forever?

That same night, you posted on your page.

Hi everyone. I've decided to take a break from writing for a while. I'm not sure how long it will be, but I will still leave everything here for you to read.

Thank you, xo.

authors note

HIII omg im so sorry i haven't updated this fic in a while 🥹 this chapter was actually really fun to write and omg writing readers thoughts at the end lowkey made me sad!! how do you feel about it? pls lmk!!

love ya!

tag list: @doumadono @54fangirl @andysdrafts @dagger-dragger @lovra974 @l4rsun1vrrse @emmab3mma @littlkittenfan @tatiquichi @cloudxluv @seonne @shonen-brainrot @the2ndl @gold24fish @cxp1d @rv19 @gina329

(those in pink couldn't be tagged)

[unbloomedrose]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐊 | 𝗚𝗪𝗜 𝗡𝗔𝗠

No plagiarism

This is pure a fictional story as I wrote this from my own ideas

No hate or anything towards the characters

_________________________________________

𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗢𝗙 𝗨𝗦 𝗔𝗥𝗘 𝗗𝗘𝗔𝗗

---------------------------------------------------

𓏲 ๋࣭  ࣪ ˖✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Her pov"

Run run run y/n ! ", su hyeok screamed when he saw the zombies running towards us we ran fast as fast we can namra pulled my hand and ran pulling me with her we all ran inside a classroom and breath in and out geongsu locked the door and slipped down there breathing heavily Cheong San throwed the water bottle at him he grabbed it struggling and gulped it in a sec we all looked at each other then sighed

Hey you are infected ! ", nayeon screamed looking at me grabbing everyone attention onjo took her steps infront of me and checked my arms while looking in my eyes

Is that a bit mark ? ", she asked me as i shaked my heart as no

Ofc ! That's what a infected person would say

nayeon said making evryone look down then walked towards me grabbing my arms but before she could pull geongsu stepped infront of her pulling her from me she stumbled on her steps and glared at him

What ?! Don't tell me that you don't belie-.

I don't believe you at all ", geongsu said as he stood infront me

It's alright geongsu I'm fine I'll leave ", i said while walking away but he stopped me again

You don't have to leave just cuz that b*tch said (reader name)___ ", he said as he glared at her she gasped as she looked around to gain attention

"Tf you just called me? a*shole ! ", she said as she punched him as they fought with each other cheongsan screamed and stood infront of them as he pushed them away from each other ", stop it guys ! He screamed at them

(reader name) ? Is that really a bite mark ? "He asked as he stepped closer to me

No ! It's not I was with you guys ..", i explained to them but they don't seem to believe I just smiled then walked to the door about to open untill geongsu stopped me again

Don't go i believe you

I can't stay with one person trust geongsu..",i said walking out of the class smiling at them one last time i ran out of the class sobbing on the way trying to forget that my own friends didn't believed me i ran ran ran and ran pushing all the zombies I was exhausted but still I ran I ran outside the school halls i saw a bat there I took it and swing it around the zombies face there I saw a small way to somewhere being scared I ran inside there

Shit

I cursed at myself when I saw lotts of zombies were coming towards me I ran into another side and there were none i sighed heavily as i sat there taking a deep breath sobbing my eyes out I was crying untill someone patted on my shoulder I got scared and about to swing the bat on that zombie but someone grabbed it and held it tight when i saw who it was it was a boy clothes dripping in blood one of his eyes are damaged he looked at me up and down

Who are you ?"he asked as he pulled the bat towards him I got scared for dear life he stepped closer to me he smelled me and smiled creepily as I was shivering to dead because of his cold gaze

I'm ---",i said as he raised his eyebrows in confusion

I've never seen you here before?..

I'm a new transferred student from ___", I said as he laughed giving the bat to me i smiled and thanked him as he looked confused ", did you just smiled at me ?", he asked as he looked at me with tense face

Yes is that wrong ?", I asked smiling at him

It's weird ", he said while yawning I took a teddy bandage from bag and sticked on his wood he frowned and stepped back but i stepped closer to him and sticked that bandage on his nose feeling proud I went back smiling he looked at me and then touched his nose glaring at me

Here have this with you this will help "I said giving the bandage to him he pushed it from my hand making me sad I looked away from him taking the bandage from the ground he glared at me again then I was about to walk away untill he said something

Where do you think you going ?

[kaelie-quill]

Writeblr Intro

This feels super awkward to do but I'm putting myself out there for better or worse, so! I go by Kaelie on here, I am 22, Queer, and go by she/her pronouns. I've been on writeblr on and off since I was maybe fifteen but haven't touched it in four years. I am now 22 and for most of those four years I have been plagued by my current WIP, currently called Project Genesis. I've only just recently forced myself to really sit and try to get it out of my head.

I'm kind of ashamed to admit that the only book I ever finished was a warrior cats fan fiction I wrote when I was twelve (It was like forty chapters, I wrote it by hand in a notebook and I let someone take it home and read it one time and it haunts me) Everything since then has either been abandoned and never even made it out of the planning stage.

For the last four years I've been super stressed and in a super bad mental state and had no time to truly sit and try to write anything and if I did I thought it was absolute trash and it kinda made me hate writing. I even stopped reading despite being obsessed with books from the moment I could read, but in the last year and a half I have rediscovered my love for reading and now I want to try writing again.

Project Genesis is meant to be a multi-book high fantasy series with horror elements (maybe, I've not read many horror books and have little experience writing it. Any tips on writing horror, or good horror books to read would be much appreciated) It's got alternating POVs, basically everybody is queer, lots of religious imagery (maybe only if you squint, but I swear sometimes I feel like I'm just ripping off the Bible)

Despite existing for almost for almost four years its hard to describe what it's actually about? The first book at least is a dual POV about one character denying and running from their destiny to avoid becoming a sacrificial lamb, and another character trying to carve out a destiny for himself when he's not meant to have one (not in a 'he's supposed to be dead' way but in a 'you're life isn't supposed to have any affect on the world' kinda way)

It is currently in early planning stages, I'm working on a zero draft and outline before really hunkering down to try a first draft. I don't know how this is gonna go as far as like updates? I'm really just kinda using this as motivation, like if I talk about and say I'm doing it I can keep myself accountable and not just drift away from this like so many others. I expect it to all be horrible but so long as it's something I can go back and make it better. Thanks for reading! 👋🏻

[thenickgirl]

Bf!Nick HeadCanons

nick x male!reader

disclaimer: this is all fictional! these are based on my own conclusions as a (unhinged) fan.

warnings: not proofread. mostly fluff, a little suggestive. i kinda wrote these as they came to my mind so i apologize if it doesn’t really flow well 😭

Nick as a boyfriend:

♢ he’s the number one shit talker and comeback king, so he loves teasing you but it’s all laced with love

♢ not very big on PDA, but will hold your hand and give small kisses when in public

♢ he’s never controlling or jealous, he trusts you and is confident in the relationship you two have

♢ he will talk you to death, but will also listen intently to what you have to say

♢ he loves taking pictures with and of you, especially off guard ones

- “wait when did you even take this?”

“uhh…don’t worry about it”

♢ he’s much softer around you, always blushing or giggling and a little nervous

♢ he claims to hate pet names but will blush every time you call him baby, sweetheart, or my love

♢ he hates the teasing from his brothers so whenever you come over, he’ll keep you hostage to his room

♢ he’ll want to wait a while before hard launching your relationship to the public, but once he does you’ll be in almost every one of his photodumbs

♢ he loves the bond that you have created with matt and chris, but hates it when you chose to spend time or hang out with them instead

- “you’re seriously ditching me for matt right now?? is he gonna suck your dick? no i didn’t think so”

♢ he’s very protective, would not tolerate any hate towards you, he’s quick to rip someones head off their shoulders about you

♢ he loves going out and experiencing new things with you, whether it be new restaurants, new clothing stores, or even traveling he just loves spending time with you

♢ he’s making you watch every single season of RuPaul and if you’ve never seen Edwards Scissorhands…just take a wild guess

♢ he enjoys seeing you happy and passionate about things you like as well, he doesn’t mind a single bit when you guys watch your favorite show for the 12th time this week

♢ he loves hugs, anytime you wrap your arms around him he just melts

♢ he loves going on walks and late night drives with you and if you let him on aux omg he’s ready to suck you off right then and there

♢ he absolutely loves spoiling you: birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, any celebrations you’re getting flooded with gifts. he tries to make them a surprise but fails because he’s so excited to give them to you

- “i got this for your birthday, i couldn’t wait”

“but my birthday is two months awa-”

“JUST OPEN IT”

♢ he loves when you wear his hoodies and sweaters, he just thinks you look so cute in them

♢ you’ll always get a first hand look at all the new and upcoming space camp products way before they’re released

- “i think this one is gonna do really well”

“which flavor is that?”

“kiss me and you’ll find out”

♢ disagreements or arguments never last long between you two because one of you always caves

♢ if you’re active on social media he’s the first person in your comment section, hyping you up like crazy

♢ he’s not overly affectionate, but will always reassure you of how much he loves and cares for you

♢ if you’re ever in a car video he’ll make sure you get your chance to speak, cutting off matt and chris without hesitation

- “HELLOOO. i hear them, do you??”

♢ he’s not overly sexual, but is easily turned on by you, something as simple as a smirk or the way you look at him will have him on his knees for you

♢ he loves when you have your hand on his thigh when you’re driving, or your hand around his waist when you’re walking together

♢ intimate moments are always private, keeping things sweet and sensual, taking your time with one another. even on the rougher nights you both make sure that after care is a priority

♢ when you’re alone he simply can’t keep his hands off of you, always touching you in some way or another

♢ he loves cuddle sessions, but because he gets hot so fast they’re usually short lived

♢ he’s such a people person so when you take him to meet your parents they love him instantly

♢ he’ll be super supportive of you and whatever it is that you do, always willing to help you if you need it

♢ he loves to praise you even when you’re not in his presence, he loves talking about you to others

- “y/n is just amazing, i love them so much and i’m so blessed to have met them. i could literally talk about them for hours”

taglist: @demistyles @sturniolossss @mattslolita @guccifrog @luverboychris @muwapsturniolo @orangelala @freshloveforthefit @imsosillygoofylol @moonk1ss3d

[roboj0e]

Wade would bully Peter bc someone said he would and wrote it happening and bc y'all are so boring and annoying. Fanfiction isn't about what's canon or strictly in character thats why they're called transformative works. I think y'alls weird obsession with what's cannon while also trying to heavily police what and how ppl make fiction is honestly been the death of fandom and creativity.

There hasn't been a large scale cross over in fandom in years that either wasn't completely ironic or torn down by bullies that it fizzled out bc y'all don't know how to have fun. Even that recent debate over how sans would react to his brother death is further proof of y'all's lack of understanding of interpretation and fan works. Fanwork are supposed to exist in the reality of the fiction of the person who wrote it. NOT what IS the right interpretation bc there are NO right interpretation except for what is made canon which can be anything bc WE aren't the creators.

Who cares what happens in the comics. The comic themselves don't care what happens in other comic runs unless it's specifically meant to be a spin off/continuation.

Wade is SUPPOSED to be a morally ambiguous character. I know y'all have washed him of all the ambiguity bc ppl have told you that how ur supposed to approach fiction and y'all can not perceive a protag who might not be the best person who ur also NOT supposed to hate (god forbid a protag not have Jesus adjacent morality) but thats what he is. He'll do whatever anyone wrote him doing bc he's not real and also anything thats morally ambiguous or toxic bc that's one of his character traits and what was supposed to set him apparent from other heros he's not even a hero he's an antihero. I can not believe y'all are moralizing something as tame as bullying. Bullies making up with their victims happens in DISNEY movies now y'all tryna make that into some problematic take. OMG. And this is from someone who WAS bullied briefly until I learned how to fight and stand up for myself.

Thinking that someone who romanticizes something morally wrong couldn't have possibly been through that experience is the direct antithesis of fiction. It also makes no sense. Plenty of ppl write from experience but also sometimes turning it into a story in which they control how they interact with a bully does A LOT FOR REGAIN CONTROL OF THOSE NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES. STOP TRYING TO SUS OUT WHO HAS TRAUMA OR NOT. also STOP thinking that you are an authority of certain traumatic experiences you aren't every experiences are very VERY personal and the portrayal of those experiences should have NOTHING to do with yours bc there is NO way to encapsulate all lived experiences. And even if someone hasn't been bullied who cares again decenter yourself from a fictional scenario that should in now way be a representation of you bc u are not the center of the universe.

(THIS SECTION UNDERNEATH IS MY HEAD CANON U DONT HAVE TO TELL ME U DONT LIKE AGE GAPS IDC)

Secondly wade only wouldnt bully Peter TO ME bc I'm not a teenager in highschool like some of y'all and highschool fics don't interest me and wade to me shouldne even be in highschool and always be the much older one in the dynamic. They shouldnt even be near the same age for me. But whatever floats ur boat. You can do whatever you wan't but when y'all make these long posts telling OTHER ppl what they can and can't do OR how you think YOUR interpretation of the character is the most right your crossing a line frl.

Edit: I read both Deadpool and spiderman comics btw plus the very wonderful spiderman/Deadpool run. GASP I know someone who likes the source material but doesn't adhere strictly to it bc I actually have an imagination and like to have fun instead of kissing marvels feet and remaining in a narrow interpretation of a character. A rare breed I guess.

Edit edit: I also think alot of y'all have a very romcom take on spideypool. And thats definitely fine love my fair share of fluff. But I have a much more complicated take on them. Again I think an age gap compliments these complications. It adds to an imbalanced perspective of both of them towards each other. I'm also very uninterested in a spideypool that grow healthy together or peter "fixing" wade. I want them to overcomplicate their relationship but for it to also be a healthy balance of comedic and fun and hot monkey sex that keeps them interested in a less than perfect relationship. A sorta push and pull from both sides.

[willalove75]

stop simping over women and pay attention to your husband. You clearly made your choice to be with a man and have his child rather than choose a woman. You bisexual women don’t get to exist in lesbian spaces when you lean towards men. Unless your husband lets to you step out on your marriage or lets you have delusional thoughts that any lesbian would want a woman knocked up by a man. You bisexual women who lean more towards men or are with men have no right to be in sapphic or lesbian spaces. And lady d is a lesbian so as if she would be with someone who let a man touch them let alone knock them up.

Oh, I'm sorry, did my husband tell you that I'm not giving him enough attention? Didn't think so.

Yes, I made a choice to be with him, because I fell in love with him. Because he's my best friend and my biggest supporter in everything I do (yes, he even supports my writing and fics and he tells me often how proud he is of me). I did not chose him because he's a man. Truthfully, his gender had absolutely nothing to do with why I married him. I just happened to fall in love with and marry a man, but that does NOT make me any less of a bisexual woman.

"You bisexual women..." and people question whether or not bi-erasure is a thing, meanwhile, this entire ask is such a great example of just that😒

"delusional thoughts that any lesbian would want a woman knocked up by a man." is truly offensive to not only every bi woman who has been with a man, but any woman who has. What about the lesbians that got pregnant by men?? Because this may come as a shock to you, but it does happen. It may not happen a lot or often, but it does. Does that mean that those women are "tainted" or "ruined" also??? No it fucking doesn't, you idiot.

It really makes me laugh when people try and use a fictional character to make a real life argument. You want to know why? BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT FUCKING REAL!!! So honestly, you have absolutely no idea if that's true or not because she's a fake fucking character from a video game. Are you also this upset at the fic writers who make her trans??? Or what about fic writers that make Alcina's partner trans??? Or are you just that much of biphobic person and this is the hill you're choosing to die on?? Either way, you're an actual bigot.

This post just SCREAMS biphobia and bi-erasure and it's fucking gross. You are so very obviously projecting your own issues and insecurities in this and honestly I would be embarrassed if I were you. Because not a single thing you said is true AT ALL or holds any merit.

Bisexual women who lean towards men or who are with men ABSOLUTELY do belong in those spaces. Just because a bisexual woman is married/with a man or leans towards men does not discredit or change their sexuality. No bi person automatically becomes straight if they date/marry the opposite gender or become gay/lesbian if they date/marry the same gender. It's called BIsexual. More than one gender. You do not get to invalidate every bi person with this shitty (and inherently wrong) opinion.

I know you wrote this trying to get a rise out of me, and congratulations because you succeeded. But I also know that people like you leave messages like this because they feel so broken and hurt and shitty that they want others to feel like that too. Unfortunately for you, I grew up in the era that birthed anonymous hate messages so you'll have to try harder next time. Not only that, but I am proud and confident in who I am and no pathetic anonymous (especially anonymous, you pussy) message is going to shake me.

I am a proud bisexual woman. I am proud to be married to my husband. I am proud that I will soon be the mother of a little boy who I will raise to be a much better person than you'll ever be. I am proud of what I've written and no, I will not stop.

[skzoologist]

The link

word count: ~1.8k

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort

summary: Everyone has their own limits, but some turn a blind eye to it.

a/n: If there are any mistakes to this, please tell me so I can fix them, as I wrote it past midnight when I wasn't feeling well. I ran through it the next day, but I am just one person and so mistakes could have easily slipped past me. Either way, I hope you enjoy it!

Back to the masterlist

Please let me know if I left a warning or anything out, I will add it in! Reblogs, likes and feedback are greatly appreciated!

!I don't condone anyone stealing my work and posting it anywhere without my permission, or feeding it to AI!

!This is just fiction, my interpretation of Stray Kids. By no means is this how they are and how they behave in real life!

·͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙·͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙

·͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙·͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙

Bae had been feeling off all day, from the very moment he had opened his eyes. It was an unsettling feeling, one that sat heavily in his stomach and made his organs twist into knots, like a myriad of snakes piled on top of each other.

Then he met the others and it all became clear, the air so tense you could basically cut it.

He felt nauseous.

It was comeback season; their album was nearly releasing and so everyone had been working day and night to perfect their skills, to perfect this gift for their fans. Each member sported an aura of exhaustion around them, the skin underneath their bright eyes dark and dull. Some looked more worn down than the others, contagious smiles not quite reaching their eyes.

Bae wasn't an exception to this, far from it. He had pulled his fair share of all-nighters, only beaten by 3RACHA themselves. Perfectionism ran in his veins, and so he could easily recognise when someone was trapped in their own mind, ruining their body for the sake of some unattainable perfection.

And it didn't take more than a single glance to see it on Chan, the signs all there and hard to deny.

The male looked like death itself, forced into a prison of flesh and hating every second of it. Those chocolate eyes were dull, never truly seeing what was in front of them unless it was that cursed laptop screen he had spent days upon days staring at. Not to mention how irritable he was, snapping so easily that the younger members were now afraid to approach him, sparking quite a few confrontations that were hard to break.

And Bae was forced to witness it all, heart heavy as their strong leader was crumbling to the ground in front of his very eyes.

It was late at night that Jisung asked him to stop by their studio, needing some advice and Bae had always been happy to help, especially in such stressful times. No matter how much his own joints ached, mind on the brink of exhaustion, he would always heed the members’ calls. And so his hands deftly packed his bag and locked the room, being the last one to stay behind and practise the dance moves until they were burned into his synapses.

He made quick work of the way there, empty hallways bright in contrast to the outside world that was bathed in darkness.

Once he reached the door, he peeked his head in, no need to knock as he was a regular there. Jisung noticed him almost immediately, as if the male had been staring at the door this whole time, rushing to his side with an almost panicked look. That made the alarm bells inside Bae’s head ring ceaselessly, already guessing that it was about Chan; and it wasn't anything good.

“Hyung, oh my god I'm so happy you're here. Chan hyung’s out of control and at this point you're the only one that can help.” - the frightened boy rushed out, words nearly unintelligible.

Bae held Jisung close, running a calming hand through the younger's dark locks as he put a tiny smile onto his face, hoping to reassure and calm the slight trembles in the other’s body. He already knew what this was about; sadly it wasn't the first time, and most definitely not the last.

“It's okay Sungie, go back to the dorms. I'll take care of it, hm?” - he hummed out, voice low and unwavering.

Jisung nodded, looking up at him with wide, grateful eyes. With a small push of his hands away the quokka went, and he was forced to address the heated argument that could be heard from inside the room by now.

Right, Changbin was still in there with Chan.

With a deep inhale Bae pushed the door open, softly closing it after he slipped inside. A sight he was unfortunately familiar with greeted him: Changbin was shouting back at Chan, both participants equally frustrated with each other. So much so that they didn't even notice him, only when he placed his hands on the younger's shoulders, touch firm yet gentle.

“Bin, I got this. I'll pack up afterwards, just go after Jisung. Please?” - Bae asked in a soft voice, his voice only heard because the two were surprised into silence by his sudden appearance.

When he felt that the other was about to protest, unable to let things go, he hugged Changbin from behind and gently squeezed him into himself. It was something he had always done in times like these, when things got too heated; and it never failed to calm Changbin down, something he was hoping to achieve at that very moment.

It seemed to have worked once again as the younger's shoulders slightly relaxed, a long sigh heard from his direction. Bae patted his back, watching him leave before he steeled himself, eyes now staring at Chan.

Chan, who went back to working on a track, jaw set so tight Bae was afraid the man would break a tooth. Still, he knew he wouldn't have an easy time with the older and so he softly called out to him, slightly dejected at the lack of reaction.

That didn't deter him and so he tried again, only to have the raging storm that was now Chan directed at him.

“What? You're gonna tell me to go back and rest too? Save it, I don't fucking need it right now.”

Bae took in a deep breath, the burning in his lungs grounding him and granting just enough distraction to steel himself. His hyung wasn't acting like how he usually did; these words weren't truly his.

“If you're just gonna stand there, you can go. You're bothering me.” - Chan mumbled and Bae could feel his own storm brewing inside, answering the older’s in a silent rage.

With a single step he closed the distance, hand slamming against the table with such vicious force that Chan flinched, wide eyes now blinking up at him.

“I don't need your sass right now either!” - he hissed out, face now so close to Chan’s that he could see the wonderful array of browns swirling inside those eyes.

He took another breath, eyes slightly narrowing down at his entirely too tired hyung.

“I understand the pressure you're under, and you know I do. It's not easy to be the leader of our group, especially when it's comeback season and work buries us alive. But please, listen to us. You need rest now, not more work!” - his voice was determined, words cutting straight to the point as he knew just walking around it with pretty sentences wouldn’t work.

His pleas fell on deaf ears, Chan’s eyebrows furrowing in renewed anger.

“I know my own limits, so y’all can stop pestering me so damn much.”

Bae never wanted to hit Chan so much before, to make the older see some sense already. He could feel his own pulse climbing, heart beating faster and faster. That sickening feeling that resided in his stomach was now replaced by burning acid. The sorrow he felt for the man was the only thing keeping it in check.

“If your limits include snapping at us constantly, then by all means, go ahead. I'll just go back to drying up Innie’s tears then, but maybe Sungie joined him by now too.”

Bae was aware how cruel saying that was, and his heart hurt at the words. But nothing else worked when Chan became blinded by deadlines and the impossible weight of public expectations; he knew, he had tried everything in these past years without any success. His heart ached and broke into tiny pieces at his hyung's expression, eyes now wide and filled with nothing but immense guilt and regret.

Before Chan could say anything Bae pulled him close, not caring how this awkward position was hurting his aching back. He could feel the older tremble in his hold, hands latching onto him as if he was Chan’s lifeline.

There was only silence after that, no sound heard besides the occasional quiet sniffle. Bae didn't acknowledge those quiet little sounds, instead he soothingly ran a hand over the other’s back and drew little shapes into the clothes skin there. The hold on his clothes tightened, making his heart squeeze painfully, pulling the other impossibly closer to himself.

Once he was sure Chan was calm enough, he gently pulled back, giving his hyung an understanding smile.

Chan was always there for all of them, giving them a shoulder to lean on whenever they needed it. He was a constant in their life, their rock, their pillar; something they could lean on when times turned harsh. There was not a day when none of them leaned against their oldest hyung in a way, may the reason be something silly like a lost game, or something serious like the fear of failure.

It didn’t take long for the older to weasel his way into Bae’s heart, and so he swore to himself that he would let Chan lean on him, seek comfort in him, no matter what.

“I'll pack up and then we can go, alright? Save your work in the meantime, before it gets lost.” - he gently instructed before doing as he said he would, waiting for his hyung's nod.

There wasn't a lot to pack up, only Jisung and Changbin’s jackets, along with a bag that belonged to the former. Bae put them all together, the bag slung over his shoulder and the jackets tied around it, leaving his hands free.

“Ready?” - he asked, glancing at an awaiting Chan.

The male stood there, eyes cast towards the ground in shame as his hands fidgeted and tore at his nails. Tension was visible in the older's form and Bae could feel his heart painfully squeeze at the sight, silently beckoning Chan over.

Once his hyung was in reach he kneeled down, back open and turned towards the other.

“I don't-... Bae…” “Hyung, please?”

His voice was nearly pleading, wanting to lessen Chan's burdens as much as possible. Thankfully there were no more protests heard in the silent room as the older climbed onto his back, actions slow and hesitant.

With a single motion Bae stood up, a surprised little sound escaping the one he carried. It drew the smallest of chuckles out of him, yet he just silently went on his way back to the dorms, letting the teasing comments die on his tongue.

It was quiet, neither of the two really spoke on the short trek. They didn't need to; there was a certain level of understanding between them, forged by the time and difficulties they had faced together. It was more than enough for Bae to understand Chan’s silent words, his hyung practically melting into his hold as time passed. That hold around his neck was steady, trusting, and he couldn't ask for more.

“Thank you.” - the words were murmured into his skin sleepily, drawing a small smile out of him. “I'll always be here for you, Hyung.” - his words were but a whisper, afraid to shatter the tranquillity that settled over them.

[laithraihan]

now i’m kinda curious to hear what you think of proshipping.. if you don’t mind of course

I'll share my thoughts, and if theres anything I say that doesnt make sense feel free to point it out to me because I mostly write with the help of a translator. Under the cut because I wrote too much stuff.

TLDR: proshippers hate me because I dont want to look at glorified depictions of pedophilia/incest/etc, antis hate me because my content isnt 100% sanitized. I stay around anti circles because I find it slightly easier for me to talk about my headcanons with them even though I think they can be insufferable.

So the thing about proshipping. From what I've seen it means being "anti-harassment" and being in support of curating your online experience, which sounds great on paper and that's practically what I do. I have over 3k accounts blocked on my personal twitter to navigate the website more easily and I also dont care if someone blocks me if they dont like my stuff.

Except proshippers never consider me a proshipper because I am uncomfortable with viewing glorified depictions of topics like pedophilia, incest, rape, all that stuff. The same way people are uncomfortable with excessive blood and gore (which I also can't really handle seeing). Whether or not it's always easy to tell if it's glorified is an entirely different topic, which is precisely why I stay away from all depictions in general to avoid being intrusive.

And what's interesting is that I do not label myself an "anti". Mainly because I don't even know what the term "anti" is supposed to mean ("anti-" what exactly. Genuinely please tell me because I actually dont know) But the ones who label themselves "proship" always call me an anti, because again I do not wish to engage with content related to pedophilia etc, and that alone apparently enough to be considered "a person who harasses others over fiction" even if I mind my own business and have no interest in forcing my personal tastes on others, especially if they make it clear that they wont change their mind. Which makes me believe that for a lot of self-identified proshippers, the definition of being "proship" would be more similar to "I love fucked up stuff and if you dont then youre lame and it obviously means you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality" which honestly seems like insecurity to me.

Forgive me for bringing up this up once again but I want to mention an example to make it easier for me to explain: yknow the whole thing with me drawing Minori and Reigen and labelling it "non-cp" which caused a wave of both self-identified antis and proshippers harassing me over that (I'll say that proshippers were more bold about it since the antis harassing me were all anonymous). Proshippers saw me saying "I dont ship that" and interpreted it as me being defensive and in denial, as if I said "guys I swear Im an anti !!! please dont think im a proshipper !!! ", when I meant "I dont want to discuss this with others in a shipping manner because thats not how I see it and I dont want to enter a space Im not comfortable with"

I admit I responded to this situation in a petty manner, but this was after several days of harassment done directly in my inbox and publicly (sometimes I wish yall remembered that group chats and priv accounts exist). My point is that simply saying you don't like seeing pedophilia in fiction is enough for proshippers to believe it's justified for them to harass you over it (and I'm fully aware they'll say it's not harassment, only when antis and "puriteens" do this to them then it's harassment)

Now about the anti side. Don't get me started on them either. If proshippers see me as an enemy then this must mean that I always get along with the ones who call themselves "antis" (I do not). Note that Im only talking about adults here, I dislike beefing with children and I think their feelings about this are entirely reasonable (I'll elaborate on this when talking about internet safety)

But anyways. I think a lot of adults are discourse-brained and do way too much. Im thinking of nonsense like "this ship is problematic because they are 'sibling-coded' so thats basically incest" "siblings giving each other a hug gives me proship vibes" things of that nature. And you're not allowed to do anything that even has the smallest possibility of being interpreted as "problematic", because then they'll harass you for it, and if you clarify your intentions, they expect you to apologize for "misleading" them because clearly they didnt do anything wrong by making assumptions about you.

There's almost no room allowed for creativity with them, everyone has to follow fanon because they consider it canon, if you ever want to try something other than the same boring domestic fluff then it's "too much" (and not even platonic affection is acceptable to draw in certain cases). Which is incredibly fucking boring to me who wants to see different types of content. People even said I was enjoying incest for drawing Reigen selfcest, and that I was "making others uncomfortable" by drawing it. Genuinely seems to me that they only care about moral superiority, that they never think about anything in depth, and I dont think they realize that it also shows in what they create: boring and repeated fanart and headcanons where the only thing you can say about it is "thats cute", nothing more because you saw it ten billion times already. You cant draw two people showing platonic affection that absolutely nobody would bat an eye if it happened in real life, you cant discuss something specific in more depth without people saying you have a fetish for it, and then they'll harass you based on their speculation that it's a fetish. I dont think many realize this, but fandoms are full of autistic people, so it's normal to see people who are interested in very specific things that dont make sense to others! I wish people were less judgmental, but at the same time I dont care if people think Im weird. I think what I mean is theres no reason to mistreat weird people who do no harm to others.

So yeah if you call yourself an "anti" I'll assume youre spend too much time engaging in fandom discourse and you're the type of person to believe that fanart where two people are holding hands is the equivalent to drawing them fucking each other. Which I think is a very childish mindset to have and it's worrying that many adults think this way. I also think that as an adult they should be capable of blocking stuff they hate instead of constantly arguing with people online because at this point it's just mental torture.

The thing about internet safety I mentioned earlier, I'd say this is the one thing that I'll always prioritize discussing whenever proship discourse comes up.... To put it simply: filter and limit the visibility of your content, do not put triggering stuff in the main tags, stay in your own circles. Whether or not you believe fictional rape/pedophilia/etc is bad is irrelevant, my point is that these are objectively triggering topics and should be filtered just like how there are warnings for violence and blood even if it's not real.

"But it's the parents' responsibility to control what kids look at online, this has nothing to do with me!" and I agree with the parents being the ones Primarily responsible. However the reality is that children are online and there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Kids will also enter spaces theyre not allowed in, theyre children and children are rebellious especially teenagers, I was like this as a teenager too. You'd be lying if you said you were always obedient since childhood and never did anything you were told Not to do. And you can't really expect teenagers to always block and not interact if they see something triggering. It's your responsibility to block them if they interact with you, because what I see most of the time is adults bickering with teenagers who are uncomfortable, calling them "puriteens", putting them on blast and allowing other adults including NSFW accounts to dunk on them.

Humiliating and degrading teenagers does not "teach them a lesson", it only makes the teenager more stubborn and reactive. Adults must accept that kids will always find their way in there even if your content isnt easily accessible. So I think it's stupid to feel offended at a child because they got upset when they found upsetting content like how any normal child would react. Which is why I wish more adults would keep blocking without saying anything petty to provoke teenagers.

Before someone pancake-waffles me and says "so youre fine with antis doxxing people" no I do not support doxxing. Ive been doxxed so I know it sucks. However the only times Ive seen it go this far is after continuous arguing because nobody knows when to stop. Im not saying this applies all the time nor am I saying doxxing is fine, but there are ways to minimize this sort of outcome as much as possible. Both sides have doxxed people over petty arguments that couldve easily been avoided if they just blocked each other and moved on.

The topic above (internet safety) is probably the only thing related to this where Im actively telling others what they should be doing. It's not only teenagers who are triggered by depictions of pedophilia etc but also adults like myself. In my case Im old enough to block content I dislike without saying a word, however I cant help but think that there's not enough being done about filtering especially when I do not search for this type of content and I still see it all the time.

I also think it's important for me to mention that I have a very poor sense of morality. I do not have a personal moral code that I adhere to, and I mostly stick to the basic universal ones that make sense to me. So I will not discuss the "morals" of consuming this stuff because I am not adequate to share an opinion on this, and I know the most popular topic of discussion related to proship discourse is morality which I frankly find counterproductive. I dont understand why people should care so much if I find something morally correct or not, unless it's to make themselves feel better about having a "superior opinion" to mine. Though I will say that if a man tells me he's into rape "but only in fiction!" then I dont think it will stop me of imagining myself bashing his skull repeatedly with large rocks. Maybe Im too mistrustful of men in general.

Final point I want to clarify is that I am not trying to assert some sort of superiority over people by disliking both sides, like saying "Im not an anti or a proshipper Im a Normal person" or something like that, and Im not expressing a "neutral" stance on the topic of fiction's influence on reality either. There are topics like racism and orientalism in fiction that Im vocal about (which is expected since Im Algerian). I genuinely believe there are many things that are interesting to discuss and should be prioritized, but too many people are chronically online, subjective and defensive, at this point I dont even think it's accurate to say that disliking one side automatically means you support the other side regarding fiction. To me, "proship discourse" is not about the debate of the effects of fiction on reality, censorship in media, etc. It's about everything I described earlier that happens online.

[mylight-png]

Hello. I have been really depressed these past three weeks. In over twenty years of my life I do not remember seeing as much antisemitism as I have in the past month. I am deeply disappointed in the world. I had a higher opinion of it, especially places like Europe, Britain and America. I had believed that when we said "never again", we really had meant "never again". But I was wrong.

It turns out, that our history, and history of Israel has been lied about and twisted into something unrecognizable in universities and mass media, and the world just allowed it to happen. It turns out, that when Jewish people are massacred, people still rejoice in our deaths, using new lies to justify their hatred than the ones they used in WW2. It turns out that the world hates the idea of a Jewish state, it does not want us to have a country of our own, and so will look for any excuse to disparage our state, holding us to an impossible standard that cannot ever be realistically achieved.

We were not given the chance to mourn October 7th. We were not allowed to do so. Almost immediately the world rejoiced, came out in these "Pro-Palestine" protests — even before Israel had retaliated. Called the horrific massacre "resistance". Victim blamed us with the fictional fairytale of "75 year old oppression". Dismissed our grief with "Yeah well but the Palestinian deaths—". Screamed "From the River to the Sea". These were the words we heard on the 7th and 8th of October as news of our people's deaths were reaching us in real time. How can anyone support this so-called "Pro-Palestine" movement after that? Are we still hated this much?

I have already lost someone I considered a friend over this. She started reposting antisemitic lies, calling us "colonial settlers", parroting the Khazar conspiracy theory about Ashkenazi jews (which I am), making absurd claims about how we weren't indigenous, and how Israel does not have the right to exist and how we should cede control to the Palestinians and then live in "their" state, under "their" government. Yeah, we have already seen on the 7th how that idea would go. I was especially disheartened, because she is a person of color, as a fellow minority, I thought she would know better and would know what it's like to be hated over something you can't control...

I still may lose another friend. Recently, she has written me "It looks like Israel is enjoying this! They used this as an excuse!" I have tried to educate her and she seems to have listened, but I doubt my words will be enough. I know where she has gotten these lies, with the mass media continuously airing unverified statistics posted by Hamas controlled institutions all the while sneering at every shred of evidence Israel publishes. I'm tired. I do not believe I can fight against this continuous stream of lies. I'm tired and heartbroken that this is happening to us again.

I always wondered how the world ever bought these lies about how we were responsible for Germany's economic crisis and how we controlled world governments. Now I know. Because it's happening again. Just with new lies. And everything we've seen in WW2: the marking of Jewish homes, the pogroms, the persecution - it's all happening. Again.

I'm sorry for this extremely depressing message. My father, my grandmother and I no longer feel safe in this world. And we feel silenced lest we become victims as well.

I have nothing to add to this, it is as if someone wrote out my thoughts and feelings for me.

I wish and pray for safety for you and your family in this time when safety is an uncertain luxury. We have outlived them before, we will outlive them again. We meant "never again" when we said it, and I know our community well enough to know we follow through.

Am Yisrael chai

[enchantedchocolatebars]

Luz finds out about Beardo Philip’s fanart and fanfiction of the Lord and tricks him into showing Camila.

Little did she know that even though he was shy in showing her, Camila ended up loving them, even calling them lovely.

So now Philip has someone he can express his Jesus crush one without being mocked for it (much to Luz’s dismay)

Camila: (She's silently reading the last chapter of one of Beardo Philip's Bible fics.)

Beardo Philip: (His visage appears calm, but internally, he's shaking like a winter leaf.) So, (he clears his throat and tries to sound more confident), what do you think?

Camila: (She reads the last sentence and looks to Philip) What did I think? (She closes his diary).

Beardo Philip: (He gulps).

Luz: (In her mind) Ohohoho, here we go. She totally hated it.

Camila: (She beams) ¡Es fantástico! I loved it!

Luz: (Shocked) You WHAT? M-MAMÁ ?!

Beardo Philip: (Is surpised) You-You did?

Camila: (She nods) Sí ! I find it very lovely that you managed to take your faith and turn it into a wonderful work of fiction!

(She let's out a small giggle) You know, I used to write a lot of fan adventures about Cosmic Frontier with Manny when we were in college.

We were so fond of our stories that we shared them with other fans at cons.

(She sighs and smiles at the memory, knowing that she still has the journals that they wrote their fics in safely stored in the basement.)

Camila: (To Philip) I'm not the most informed on the Bible, but maybe we can write a story about someone in it together! You could even teach me a few stories.

(She hands Philip back his diary before shining him a kind smile.)

If that's alright with you. (Her smile grows playful, but still remains kind) Based on what I read, it seems Jesus is your favorite, right?

Beardo Philip: (His face quickly turns red-hot, sweat beads trickling down his features. His forelock goes limp and becomes a wet noodle sticking to his forehead [it looks similar to the one he had when he was a kid, lol] ).

Th-That's correct! And it would be a great honor to write with you! I'll ensure that I share all my knowledge about the word. Does... tomorrow sound like a good day to begin? If not, of course, then that's fi--

Camila: Sure, it's a date!

Luz: D-DATE?! (Her jaw drops and is now stuck to the ground, making it impossible for her to object to this collaboration.)

[queer-ragnelle]

hello..👋👋

as someone who wants to get into arthurian legends.. where do you think I should start? is there a precise canon to follow? oh and.. this might be a stupid question but.. how would you describe guinevere's and lancelot's relationship...? i personally really like them because of what I've heard online, but i got shamed for liking it a while ago from people who really hated guinevere and said gawain or galehaut(not sure if i spelled it right) would be better for lancelot..

Hello anon!

I have a Beginner’s Guide to Medieval Arthuriana pinned on my blog. There’s no precise canon to follow, but you’ll get the most bang for your buck reading the works of Chrétien de Troyes and the Vulgate Cycle. Much of what Chrétien developed ended up in the Vulgate, like Lancelot rescuing Guinevere from kidnapping, but there are more elements added from other stories, such as Lancelot’s upbringing in the lake which originated from Lanzelet by Ulrich von Zatzikoven. On the other hand, Yvain’s journey as Knight with the Lion doesn’t make it into the Vulgate, so that’s worth reading on its own.

Regarding the part about people shaming you: block them if you haven’t already and anyone else who does so in future. I’m terribly sorry those people were unwelcoming as you begin to read and learn about Arthurian Legend. Let that not reflect on the community as a whole—there’s many lovely people here that’ll be happy to help you along. I hope you’re able to cultivate a positive online experience to the best of your ability and start enjoying the legends with us! :^D

But back to the fun stuff—I also really like Guinevere/Lancelot! My favorite dynamic is when Arthur is included too, but Guin is my number one pick for Lancey. ;^) It’s hard to describe them in so few words but I think it’s important to establish that they’re friends. This is an oft overlooked aspect that really deserves attention. They care for each other deeply. She helps him out of his madness and he helps her out of danger. This is something Arthur couldn’t do for either of them, much as he wanted to. That’s what makes the pair special, to me.

As for shipping wars about medieval characters….kinda ridiculous! And shaming other people over it is just abhorrent. I’m sorry you had to deal with that! Personally I enjoy Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot and Galehaut/Lancelot. I think it’s obvious I favor Gawain with his wife Ragnelle lol but Gawain/Lancelot is fine too. Gawain can have a little Lancelot. As a treat. I even enjoy “crackship” type pairings, like Bedivere/Lancelot or Kay/Lancelot or maybe a little [unrequited] Agravaine/Lancelot, and if the author or filmmaker chooses to write her in a positive light, Elaine/Lancelot as well. But that’s just it—there’s certainly no such thing as a “better” person(s) to couple with Lancelot. It’s literally fake. It’s fiction. It’s for fun! Doesn’t sound like the people you’ve encountered were having very much fun and put that on you, which was wrong.

Here I’d like to mention I run a discord server called the Arthurian Theater Server. Every weekend I stream TV shows and movies, mostly Arthurian, sometimes random fantasy. But it’s more than visual media—my friends and I share resources, character playlists, art we made, stories we wrote, we’ll liveblog retellings or newly discovered medlit translations, and discuss anything else Arthurian! We have custom made emojis for all the knights and ladies, a variety of original art stickers of the characters provided by several members, and an array of sounds bites ripped from films and TV for the soundboard to be played while streaming. Tumblr can be a little hard to navigate with the unreliable tag system, so this server is dedicated to an organized and moderated exchange of ideas and content. You’re welcome to join us!

Let me know if you have any other questions, it’s never a bother. Take care!

[wonuwrites]

Seventeen as Songs From “The Tortured Poet Department: The Anthology.”

A/N: this album is fucking amazing and has inspired me to write so much. So the way I’m doing this is giving a member a song + a lyric with a mini drabble. In future I might do Song Reactions for a few of these songs *cough* Down Bad and Fortnight *cough* but until then I’m doing it like this. If anyone wants more writing of said drabbles please request it 🫶

Also before I get to warnings let me just say: this is 100% fictional and not at all how I think any of the members are irl. This album doesn’t portray the make counterpart in good light that much (minus But Daddy I Love Him, The Alchemy, + So High School.) however I'm in a angsty af mood so I’m writing it. If you hate it, im sorry. I just have to write it to process my grief. ALSO: not all of them are going to be hella angsty but most will be because this album is unhinged

Warnings: angst (not everyone's though: 96 Line + Joshua is lowkey cute,), Jun's is NSFW so Minors DNI, mentions of alcohol, breakups, heartbreak, codependency, pledis, i also wrote some swear words so if you hate bad words: this album and my writing is not for you lmaoooooo

ღ S. Coups: The Bolter "With a quite bewitching face Splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless Excellent fun 'til you get to know her Then she runs like it's a race."

Seungcheol woke up to an empty bed and couldn't help but sigh before rubbing his face. He let you in again, even after swearing to Jeonghan and Jihoon he was done. However, there was something about you that just kept him wanting more and more. He knew that you were never one for commitment because "Where was the fun in that? Commitment just is a recipe for getting hurt." He knew that trying to pursue a "bolter" was a lost cause but he just couldn't help it. He was madly in love with you and every time you left he felt more devastated than the time before. Every 11:11 he wished that one day you would let him at least try to show you that commitment could be a beautiful thing.

ღ Jeonghan: The Albatross "Locked me up in towers But I'd visit in your dreams And they tried to warn you about me."

Jeonghan knew the risks of dating you. You were what some people called a temptress and a "nightmare dressed like a daydream." He knew that there was a chance you would ruin his life and honestly, at the time, he was all in for it. He was sure he could call your bullshit however time showed that his bullshit was called out. He found out that what everyone said was not as true as they thought. He found you to be the most amazing person in this world so when you left he was heartbroken. You told him you didn't want to be what everyone said but you had to leave and you knew he would find someone even better in the long run. However, he saw you in his dreams, he saw you in faces in the street, he saw you everywhere. He missed you and wished you would be able to let him in so you could prove all of them wrong.

ღ Joshua: Fresh Out The Slammer "And no matter what I've done, it wouldn't matter anyway Ain't no way I'm gonna screw up now that I know what's at stake here."

You looked around the crowd of people as you entered a familiar park. You knew this place all too well and your heart was racing. You just got out of six year relationship with someone you swore was supposed to be your forever person. However, you always unintentionally compared him to your first love, Hong Jisoo. For the past year, you were mentally checked out of your relationship because all you could think about was Jisoo. You took a deep breath before you sat down on an empty swing and waited. You waited for what seemed like five hours when the swing next to you was taken. You glanced over and saw Jisoo looking at you with a soft smile. Your heart started to race as you both made eye contact. It had been so long but he looked as beautiful as ever. Jisoo then leaned over and pressed a kiss against your lips while grabbing both of your hands. You smiled as familiar lips that felt like home brought back warm memories. You then put your foreheads together before awkward giggling. "Welcome home, (Y/N)."

ღ Jun: So High School "Your friends are around, so be quiet I'm trying to stifle my sighs 'Cause I feel so high school every time I look at you But look at you."

You are so head over heels for Moon Junhwi as was he over you. You both felt like it was a first love that you would have back in high school. All of the feelings you would feel back in High School came crashing back. One night when you were celebrating something with all of your friends and with his group members you both ran off into a closet and were just making out when it started to get more and more intense. You both were flushed and giggling as you both helped each other get undressed. He made sure the door was locked before attaching his lips back to you. "Try to stay quiet, baby girl," he would whisper as his fingers made their way to your nipples which caused you to softly moan into his lips. "Yes sir." A quickie would be good enough for now as you tried your best to stifle the moans and sighs that Jun was causing. If his friends knew what was going down, they kept it a secret from you but teased the hell out of him when you were gone.

ღ Hoshi: imgonnagetyouback "And I'll tell you one thing, honey, I can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean."

Soonyoung and you kept crossing paths and it was honestly frustrating you. You both didn't have a horrible breakup but it still was a breakup that hurt a lot. It took everything to get over him and you swore you were over him. However, every time you saw him, you couldn't help but second guess everything. At one of these "crossroad" moments, the "crazy" in you came out after you kept making eye contact with him one too many times. You made your way across the room despite your friends trying to stop you and pulled him to an empty storage room. Both of your breath was heavy before you glared into his eyes and whispered, "I know you still want me, please come clean." This caused him to scoff before pushing you up against the door and whispering, "you first, baby girl."

holy shit, 100 notes and I will write a one shot for this one

ღ Wonwoo: But Daddy I Love Him "Now I'm dancin' in my dress in the sun and Even my daddy just loves him I'm his lady And, oh my God, you should see your faces."

A video of one of you and Wonwoo's first dates ended up getting leaked and soon dating rumors started spreading like wildfire. There was both positive and negative thoughts from both of your fans as expected but to be honest it was just "white noise" for both of you because honestly who gave a fuck what anyone thought. When both of your CEO's sat with both of your managers and you, they informed you that dispatch was working on an article "exposing" the truth and that's when you both realized that you both wanted to be the ones to tell the fans. You decided to post on instagram a mini reel of moments between Wonwoo and you saying, "the rumors are true. wanted to let you know before dispatch told you all." Once you confirmed, there was still some negative press but mostly it was positive which Wonwoo and you were both thankful for.

omg i wanna write a one shot for this too bc what!?

ღ Woozi: The Alchemy "'Cause the sign on your heart Said it's still reserved for me Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?"

Honestly, you were shocked to see Lee Jihoon brace an event like this. Especially, after all this time. It was not his crowd or in his comfort zone. You could see how nervous he was as he fiddled with his arm cuffs and nervous laughing to whatever his friend was saying. Based on rough memories you believed his friends name was "Kwon Soonyoung" but that seemed like many life times ago. It felt like a car crash when you looked at him because you couldn't turn away or look away. Memories of you both kept replaying through your memory. You just stared at the man who you once loved exist on the other side of the room. After awhile, he realized a pair of once familiar eyes were staring at him. He looked back and his face softened. It felt like a movie as you stared at each other. Neither of you remember who walked to who first but soon you both were sitting side by side at the bar laughing and recalling old memories. The hole that was in both of your hearts seemed to be patched up as the conversation progressed. When the night was over, he asked if you would be comfortable seeing him again and you couldn't say 'yes' quick enough.

ღ DK: Peter "And sometimes it gets me When crossing your jet stream We both did the best we could do Underneath the same moon In different galaxies."

"It will always be you, maybe one day we can come back together when it's not so crazy." That was the last thing you ever heard Seokmin say after you both agreed it was time to call it quits. Who's fault was it? Honestly neither of your fault. Neither you or Seokmin could say that you did not try. Of course you both tried. You both tried to make everything work but things were just too different and well 'crazy.' With his career, he was everywhere and vise versa. You both were just never in the same time zone at the same time. It was like this for months when finally it just fizzled. Time moved on, as did both of you, but when you looked out the airplane window and noticed you were flying over Seoul your heart couldn't help but mourn. You wondered what could've been. You wondered if he still laughed while clapping like a seal and if he was still sunshine for everyone he met. It broke you a bit to remember. "It will always be you, Seokmin," you whispered before closing the curtain of the window.

ღ Mingyu: Down Bad "How dare you think it's romantic Leaving me safe and stranded 'Cause fuck it, I was in love So fuck you if I can't have us."

"Kim Mingyu, you are a fucking coward," you whispered as you tried to hide your angry heartbroken tears from him. "(Y/N), trust me this is the last thing I want to do," he whispered with tears threatening to fall. Dispatch had found out about both of your relationship three days ago and the hate toward you was heavy. Delusional fans thought their beloved idol was cheating on them and you deserved to die because it was obviously your fault the 'affair." You were down to fight and continue forward but he couldn't handle the hate you were receiving and knowing there was only so much he could do. Fuck, maybe he was a 'fucking coward' but he was doing it because it would be safe for you. Who knows what saesangs could do to you. If anything happened to you, he would never forgive himself. He rather have you hate his guts then have you killed.

ღ Minghao: I Can Do It With A Broken Heart "I can hold my breath I've been doin' it since he left I keep finding his things in drawers Crucial evidence I didn't imagine the whole thing."

It has been about two months since Minghao and you broke up and it honestly has felt like a fever dream since it happened. Some days were better than others. You honestly thought today was one of the 'better' days but that was before you found one of his cardigans in one of your drawers and you just couldn't help but put it on and lay on the floor. You couldn't help but remember all the memories of him and you with this cardigan. Whether he was wearing it or you were. It was warm just like the memories and it killed you. You wrapped the cardigan around you tighter around you and just sobbed. You knew one day it would stop hurting, but until then, you were just going to run with the punches and try your best to do it with a broken heart.

ღ Seungkwan: My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys "'Cause I knew too much, there was danger in the heat of my touch He saw forever, so he smashed it up.

Seungkwan knew he fucked up the moment he stepped foot into his house after breaking things off with you. Truth be told he was terrified of you. You knew him like the back of your hand and he knew you like the back of his hand. He saw a future with you. He saw you owning a dog, living in a house in Jeju, owning a dog, having one to two kids, everything. However, he wasn't mentally ready for that. At least at the time he thought he wasn't. Now that he was alone and realizing what he had done, guilt was eating him up. He lost everything because his own damn anxiety lied and said there was danger. There was nothing he could do to fix it now.

ღ Vernon: The Black Dog "I move through the world with the heartbroken My longings stay unspoken And I may never open up thе way I did for you."

Nobody understood you the way Hansol did. He had the manuscript on what made you tick. Like how you liked your coffee over exactly five ice cubes, how you would always whisper 'thank you' before eating any kind of meats because they once had a soul, and how you would blink twice before laughing at one of his jokes. So when he made the call to end things you wondered how on earth you would ever find someone who could handle your quirks and wouldn't find you strange. It made you feel abandoned and made you hate him so much for hurting you this way. When you expressed your feelings to your friends, they would tell you it would get better eventually. Eventually, whenever "Hansol" escaped your lips to them they would tell you to stop talking. That's why you just were silently heartbroken as you replayed everything over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

ღ Dino: So Long, London "You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? I died on the altar waitin' for the proof."

Your phone light blinded you as you stared at Lee Chan's pointless apologies. You both had been struggling in your relationship for the last five months. You thought things were looking up until one of your best friends delivered the heartbreaking news that they saw him kissing a new stylist that started working for them ironically when things started to go shit. You felt many things. You felt betrayed, you felt hurt, you felt sick, you felt embarrassed. He swore he loved you, he pinkie swore he loved you not even three days ago. However, you trusted your best friend and you saw visual proof which was more proof or clues on how much he "loved" you. Even though it killed you, you texted back, "So Long, Iksan." before blocking his number and preparing yourself on officially getting over him.

[formula-hamilton]

Antarctica (Lewis Hamilton x Reader)

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Summary: You and Lewis have been dating for some months when suddenly the video of him in Antarctica with a girl on his lap emerges. 

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: Angst, stupid Lewis, swearing, mentions of cheating, but not really (no real infidelity), fluff.

A/N: I wrote this because I really wanted to read this type of fic as soon as I saw the hot tub video. If anyone has written anything similar, please tag me because I live for these kind of fics and I would love to read it. Also I obviously don’t know what went down in Antarctica, so this is purely fiction. No hate to the hot tub girl. 

-- 

Stupid. So stupid.

That was how you felt as you sat at your desk at work staring at your phone. Just almost wanted to roll your eyes at your stupidity. Instead you closed your eyes and tried to hold back the tears you felt prickling behind your eyelids. 

You were supposed to leave work early this Friday. Lewis was going to fly you out to LA to celebrate his birthday Saturday and then you were going to stay with him for the coming week. He was going to introduce you to his friends. A few you had already met, but he insisted that it was time for you to meet the rest of them. 

You’re gonna love them, I just know it.

No need to be nervous about it baby, I’ve told them loads about you and they already love you.

He would always beam with excitement when talking about them. His smile would hold so much pride. 

You felt stupid for assuming. For being naïve. You never talked about being exclusive. Meeting friends, meeting family, you assumed that the two of you were serious about each other. That you were on the path to making your relationship official. Sitting at your desk you came to the realization that this thing wasn’t a relationship. It was clearly just a situationship and honestly that wasn’t what you were looking to find yourself in.

Maybe this is how it is dating someone not normal, you thought. Maybe there are different rules to follow. You hadn’t realized this before, but clearly the two of you were living in two different realities. 

For Christmas he brought you on his family’s ski trip. Just for a few days as you had your own commitments for the holidays. But he brought you, introduced you to everyone, held your hand in front of his family, kissed you in front of his family, called you his when you were in bed at night. He never called you his girlfriend and that didn’t bother you until now. You didn’t even spare it a thought until now. When you were younger, you and your friends always joked that if you kissed someone in public in daylight, it meant that you were official. If meeting family wasn’t enough to make a relationship official, to make it exclusive, you really didn’t know what it would take. 

24 years old. The woman, if you could even call her that, was 24 years old. That was all everyone talked about. Apparently this was not unusual for Lewis. Apparently she was just his type. Young and beautiful and a model. But still, Twitter was going crazy. 

Normally you didn’t indulge in gossip surrounding Lewis and F1 in general. You didn’t even seek out this piece of information yourself. Your younger sister sent you the video on Instagram. You almost missed the ending where Lewis sat in the hot tub having the time of his life with someone sitting on his lap. 

You wish you could erase it from your brain. Go back to the fantasy in your head. But you couldn’t. Instead you found yourself dug down in a Twitter hole trying to soak in every single detail possible. What stuck to you the most was how they apparently used to see each other in the past. If that wasn’t proof enough, you don’t know what was. You normally thought it was crazy how people found so much information about celebrities. You and Lewis always joked about it. Joked about how the fans would make great detectives. And then you would laugh about how none of them had any clue about the two of you. 

You were a very well kept secret. You both liked it that way. It made everything easier. Made the whole “getting to know each other” stage more simple. Obviously, people close to you knew, but the public didn’t. You couldn’t help but wonder if this was part of Lewis’ grand plan. By keeping his flings secret he could have one in every city he visited. Maybe you were just his London bed warmer. 

Silly of you to think that dating in your thirties would bring more maturity to the table. Honestly, the men were just as immature and on top of that, they brought all the baggage from shitty relationships in their twenties. For some reason you thought Lewis was different. Your heart ached for him to be different. 

You almost jumped out of your chair when you heard a knock on the door. Fuck. You quickly blinked the tears away and sat up straight before calling for the person to enter. Your boss poked his head in.

“I didn’t expect to see you here still, don’t you have a flight to catch?” He asked. 

“Yeah, but I have quite a lot of work to do so I think I might just stay a bit longer,” you said while trying to smile without it looking forced. You must have looked weird because he looked worriedly at you. “Really. It’s no trouble. I still have time before I have to leave for the airport, and if not I can always take a later flight.”

“Well, do whatever suits you, but remember to relax during your vacation. You deserve it,” he said while smiling. As he left, you slumped back down in your chair. You looked up at the ceiling while massaging your temples. What the fuck am I gonna do? You thought. 

It was clear to you that going to LA wasn’t an option. You didn’t want to continue whatever the two of you had going on. You didn’t want a casual thing. You had even told Lewis that. Told him that you were finally content with your career and was ready to pursue a serious relationship. You had shared your thoughts and your dreams for the future. You thought that he wanted the same things even though you hadn’t explicitly talked about in the context of your relationship.  

You knew that you were falling for him. You thought that he was falling for you as well. Stupid of you to assume when none of you had said the words. 

Your phone buzzed on the table. It was a text from him. You quickly opened it. 

Have a safe flight baby. Looking forward to seeing you again x 

Your eyes narrowed as you read the text again and again. Surely he must have seen the things being said about him in Antarctica. Or someone must have told him. His lack of explanation annoyed you immensely. It proofed to you that he didn’t even view it as mistake as you had maybe hoped he would. Clearly you were the one on the wrong page. 

You wiped a few angry tears that had escaped and typed out a reply. 

I have decided against going. Sorry for the late call, but I’ve realized we clearly want different things and I think it would be a mistake going knowing it would just postpone the inevitable. I hope you enjoy your birthday. All the best. 

As you hit send you noticed your shaking hands. You hastily turned off your phone and shut down your computer before grabbing your coat and bag. You almost ran out the office and decided to walk home instead of taking the tube. The thought of the tube right now was almost enough to send you into a full blown panic attack. You needed fresh air and to clear your head. 

--

As you shut the door behind you to your flat, you almost stumbled over your packed suitcase. “What a fucking shitty day, for fuck’s sake,” you mumbled to yourself, as you pushed the suitcase away and kicked off your shoes. Finally, you reached your destination, your bed. You told yourself that you would spent the weekend indulging in self-pity and then Monday you would try to find something to do for the rest of your stupid work break. 

But of course the tears wouldn’t come now that you were finally in the safety of your own home. You decided that they needed a little push and therefore turned on your phone again and found a playlist on Spotify named “Sad songs”. Perfect, hopefully that would get the job done. The messages popping in on your phone didn’t go unnoticed by you, but you chose to ignore them. Instead you opted to go to Instagram again to speed up the pity party. 

After taking a quick scroll through her Instagram you decided to spare yourself for further damages. There was no need to start comparing the two of you, that would only make matters worse. This was about Lewis. It wasn’t her fault that he couldn’t commit. Whilst putting down your phone, you finally felt the tears making their way. As you sobbed your way to sleep that night, you kept wishing that this would all just be a bad dream. 

--

When you woke up the next morning you had an awful headache from clenching your jaw too tight all night. Rolling to your side, you grabbed your phone. 8AM the display read. You’d slept for almost 12 hours. You couldn’t ignore all the notifications anymore. You quickly answered your sister that you were okay and that you had ended things with Lewis. Some of your friends had texted you and wished you a nice trip. You chose to ignore those messages. You would fill them in at a later time. Lastly, you got to Lewis’ texts. He had also called you numerous times. 

Please pick up the phone

Has something happened? I’m really worried. Pls call me

I just wanna talk to you to make sure you’re alright. I’m sure we can fix it baby

I just saw the video. I’m so sorry, it isn’t what it looks like. Just let me explain

Nothing happened with her, I promise you. I would never do that. Just pick up the phone so we can talk

You tossed your phone to the bottom of your bed. You were so angry. Both at him and at yourself. You were angry about his excuses. You had heard them all before and in the end it always turned out to be true. Where there’s smoke there’s fire, your past experiences told you. You were angry at yourself for trusting him, for letting him into your life. For hoping that what you had was genuine. It had all been too good to be true. 

--

As the days went by, you got better and better. You were hoping to book a vacation for somewhere sunny, but they were all too expensive because it was so last minute. Instead you found yourself content with living in your bed and catching up on all your favorite tv shows. Lewis kept calling and you kept ignoring his calls. You almost felt bad about it because of his birthday Saturday, but then you decided he could fuck off. If this had affected his birthday it was his own fault. Monday afternoon you were dozing off while watching the newest season of Grey’s Anatomy. Suddenly the doorbell woke you up. You hurriedly wiped some droll from your chin and tried to fix your hair in a ponytail before waddling to the door. 

As you opened the door Lewis appeared with the biggest bouquet of flowers you had ever seen in your life. You almost wanted to shut the door on his face and just go back to sleep. As if he could read your mind he stepped forward just enough for you to be unable to close the door.

“Please let me in baby. Let me explain everything,” he quietly pleaded. He looked like a wounded puppy. Dark circles under his big sad eyes. You had never seen him like this before. Always happy and positive Lewis. Sometimes too positive, you had thought before. Seeing him like this made you realize that you’d rather see him disgustedly positive, than this sad ever again. 

Deep in your mind you had a feeling he might show up like this. You were now wishing that you had just picked up the phone so you could be spared this interaction with him. Nevertheless, you gestured for him to enter your home. You noticed how he glanced at the forgotten suitcase in the entryway. 

“So, explain away,” you told him as you both stood in your living room. You with crossed arms and him with that ridiculously big bouquet in his arms. 

“I’m really sorry about that video,” Lewis began slowly, as if he wanted to test the waters. You scoffed and cut him off. 

“You’re sorry about the video? What the fuck Lewis? Did you expect me to not find out or what? Or did you think I wouldn’t care?” You angrily said. “Fuck the video, I’m glad I saw it. I probably never would have known if your friend wasn’t stupid enough to share it. I’m glad that guy was so stupid. At least he spared me wasting any more time on you, on us. I can’t believe I thought there was an us.” You felt the tears were about to appear once again and wiped them away with your shaking hands before it got too bad. 

“You know what? I kept feeling stupid and angry at myself for thinking we were something real. But I realized I’m in my full right to feel angry at you and not at myself. I don’t know what delusional celebrity world you’re living in, but in the real world, stuff don’t work like that. Bringing someone round for Christmas kinda means that you are not fucking some Instagram model the week after in Antarctica!” You yelled at ham. You had never yelled at him before and Lewis wished for you to never do it ever again. He hadn’t understood the seriousness of the whole situation before now. 

“I, I didn’t. I didn’t sleep with her,” Lewis said with eyes so wide it looked like they might pop out. If it wasn’t such and awful situation you might have laughed. He took a few breaths and seemed to collect his thoughts. 

“I know what it looks like, but nothing happened. She sat on my lap because there wasn’t other seats. I didn’t think, we were all drinking, and I didn’t think anything about it. I can see now how it looks from the outside, but that was the closest I was to her the whole week. I know that people are saying the she was my guest, but I didn’t invite her for the trip. She was with some other guy. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by pushing her away. I know you probably know about our history and I didn’t wanna be an asshole to her, but it was wrong of me to have her sitting on my lap like she was my girl.” The tears welled in Lewis’ eyes. He felt absolutely awful for the way he had made you feel. 

“I understand if it’s over between us, but it’s very important for me that you know I didn’t cheat on you. I know that’s your worst fear in a relationship and I would never ever do that to you,” Lewis finished and tried to make eye contact with you. Tried to get a sense of what was going on in your head. You looked down at your feet and closed your eyes. Trying to think of what to say. What to believe. You wanted to believe ham, but a part of you wasn’t ready to let go of the doubt. 

“You looked very comfortable with her sitting there. Very happy.” You finally looked up and your eyes met. Only for a second though. This time Lewis was the one to look down. 

“I wasn’t. I was happy with my friends, but I wasn’t happy with her sitting there. As soon as there was a free seat I pushed her off me and she sat there instead. I am so sorry that I let her sit there in the first place, but I promise you, nothing more happened between us.” Lewis felt his tears well over and run down his cheeks. He tried to wipe them with his shoulder seeing as his hands were full, but it didn’t really work. 

“Bringing you to meet my family was so special to me. I haven’t introduced anyone to my family in years. This isn’t something I just do with anybody. Since we met in September you have become such an important part of my life and I haven’t opened my heart to anyone like this before. I’m so sorry for hurting you and making you think you’re stupid. I’m the only one stupid here. This wasn’t how I wanted to tell you, but I’m in love with you. I’m so sorry that these are the circumstances I’m telling you under, but you deserve to know, ” Lewis looked in your eyes and tried to read your feelings. His eyes were filled with hope. You just stared at him while nibbling on your bottom lip and he couldn’t decipher what you were thinking. He decided to break the silence. 

“These are for you,” he said while handing you the flowers. “I hope that you can find it in yourself to forgive me, but I’m gonna leave you to it. Once again, I just wanna say how sorry I am.” As you stood there with the bouquet, Lewis slipped out of your living room and out of your flat. Out of your life, just as you had wanted. 

You stood and watched the flowers in front of you. Thoughts running wild in your head. Thoughts about how people always brought baggage from previous relationships. You never thought it applied to you. Yes, Lewis had made a mistake, but you didn’t have any reason to not believe his words. He hadn’t given you any reason to believe that he was like your exes. It wasn’t right of you to let past trust issues follow you into this thing with him. You had finally made a decision.

The flowers got thrown on the table and you ran to the suitcase in the entryway. Zipping it open, you threw the clothes on the floor until you finally found what you were looking for. A little box wrapped in green gift wrap with small bulldogs on it, tied up with little gold bow. You slipped on some sandals and ran down the stairs. The cold January air hit you hard as you ran to the street. You were only wearing sweats and a t-shirt. You looked around you, trying to search for Lewis. Hoping he hadn’t already left. You jogged down the street and frantically tried to see if you could spot him. 

As you crossed the street, you finally spotted his car. Parked, just a couple of cars in front of you. You let out a breath of relief and slowly walked towards it. As you got closer you could see Lewis sitting in the driver’s seat with his head in his hands. It was obvious that he was crying and you felt a deep sting in your chest. Carefully, you knocked on the window to the passenger seat, trying not to startle him. You didn’t succeed as he jumped slightly in his seat. When he looked at you, you smiled softly and give him a small wave. He leaned over and pulled the handle on the door for you.

As you sat down just rested your hands in your lap and held the small gift on your thigh. 

“I’m in love with you too Lewis. These past four months with you have been the most amazing months in my life. I’ve been so happy, but I’m also so scared to get hurt again. Obviously I don’t approve of the hot tub situation, but I know it was wrong of me to shut you out like that. It’s difficult for me to trust people, but I already trust you so much even though we haven’t known each other for that long.” You took a deep breath. “What I wanna say is, I forgive you and I wanna give us a go. Officially.”

Your hands reached out to Lewis’ face. You wanted to wipe his tears away, to wipe away any sadness he might feel in the future. He looked at you with the kindest eyes you had ever seen in your life. You had never seen eyes as beautiful as his before. As your fingers stroked his cheeks you hesitantly leaned in. Noticing what you were trying to achieve, Lewis did the same and met you halfway. When your lips finally touched after being apart for two weeks, you knew that this was the right decision. One of Lewis’ hands found your hair while the other found your thigh. Nothing had ever felt so right in your life. 

Remembering the gift, you pulled away from Lewis. 

“I have something for you. For your birthday.” You handed him the small box.

“You shouldn’t have.”

“I know. I wanted to.”

Lewis smiled at your choice of wrapping paper. He carefully tore off the paper. Inside was a small jewelry box. Inside the box was a necklace with a small moon pendant. 

“Remember the moon on our second date?” You asked and he nodded, smiling so big he thought his face might break in two. 

“Of course I remember baby. The moon was so bright that night. You looked so beautiful in the moonlight.”

“You looked so handsome as well and I remember thinking already back then that you were someone special. Someone I wanted in my life. And then you later told me to always look at the moon when I’m missing you. That that was what you did when you missed me and I just thought that was so sweet. Every time I miss you I look at the moon and I instantly feel better. So I wanted to give you something so you always have me with you when we’re not together. Your own little moon,” you told him while smiling.

“Thank you so much sweetheart, this is the best birthday gift I ever could have wished for,” Lewis beamed while pulling you into his chest. You crawled onto his lap and straddled him. He took your face in his hands. “I really love you,” he told you before connecting his lips to yours once again. His tongue swiped across your bottom lip and you instantly gave him access to your mouth. As you started to grind down on him, he interrupted the two of you.  

“Come on, let’s go upstairs again baby. I wanna show you how much I’ve missed you,” Lewis said with a smirk as he pulled you off him. You let out a small whine at the loss of contact, but eventually gave in. You held hands with swinging arms and you both laughed as you ran back to your flat.