#what time exactly is TBD lol

[itsredpaint]

Au again fuck

[goldfades]

✮ 𝐜𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞, quinn hughes

♡ ─ word count | 3.2k

♡ ─ summary | you and quinn were destined to fail from the beginning.

♡ ─ warnings | unedited LOL, so much angst (are we surprised), drinking, mentions of a stupid bet (pls don't come for me ik it's a cliche but it works), asshole!quinn (so sorry for this), break-up's, lots of fighting and just overall asshole-ry, unloyalty (not exactly cheating but idk), lmk if i missed anything LMAOOO

♡ ─ taglist | tbd (check out link in navigation!)

♡ ─ ev's notes | whoo, finally i wrote something for my celly!!! i'm not very proud of it .... idk why i lowkey hate it but i hope i did this song justice, i love this song and evermore in general. this is also very out of character quinn, LOLOL because he would never (in my head, at least...). ANYWAY!!! please let me know your thoughts and i would love to hear some respectful critiques for my general writing/plotting, i would appreciate it! anyways, enjoy this angsty ass story lol

As you stared into Quinn's eyes, under the flurolenst lights of the parking lot, you knew that it was over. The distant hum of traffic and the occasional flicker of the overhead lights were the only sounds breaking the stillness of the night.

Quinn's expression mirrored your own; a mixture of sadness, resignation, and regret etched across his features. His lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but the words remained trapped, unspoken, as if even he couldn't find the right ones to mend what had been broken.

In the quiet of that desolate parking lot, you prayed, as you hadn't in a long time, for Quinn to say something, anything, that could mend the gaping rift between you. The silence between you two was deafening, heavy with the weight of unspoken words, unfulfilled promises, and a shared recognition of the inevitable.

As you stared into his eyes, his beautiful eyes, the eyes that still somehow showed admiration, you knew that this was the end. And in the depth of that painful realization, you also knew that, somehow, it was for the better. The love that had once bound you both was still there, but it had transformed into something unrecognizable, something that no longer served the happiness you both deserved.

──

ONE YEAR AGO

──

"You come here often?" were the first words that came from the unknown beautiful man's lips. The beautiful stranger's confidence and charming smile were hard to ignore, and his well-worn pick-up line had almost made you laugh.

You had experienced countless encounters with men using the same old pick-up line, wearing that familiar confident grin, and creating a typical atmosphere. Yet, there was something about this particular interaction that stood out.

You responded with a gentle smile, shaking your head in acknowledgement. "No, I just moved here." Well, that wasn't exactly true ─ you had lived here almost a year now but you were still new.

The corners of the beautiful stranger's lips curled up even further as he chuckled at your response. "Well, that explains why I haven't seen you around," he said, his voice carrying a playful undertone.

He kept turning around with a smirk and you noticed his group of friends and you suddenly understood what exactly what was happening ─ he was trying to prove something to his friends or win some kind of bet.

Sure, you first found his charming approach somewhat appealing, the growing suspicion that this might be part of a playful dare or a friendly challenge from his friends left you feeling intrigued and slightly amused. Nevertheless, you decided to go along with it, maintaining a friendly smile, eager to see where this interaction was headed.

He glanced over at his friends once more, who were now watching the two of you with amused expressions. It was becoming increasingly clear that this was more than just a chance encounter.

You decided to keep the conversation fun, playing along with his playful undertone. "I guess I've been flying under the radar," you replied with a grin. "But now that you've found me, what's your next move, mystery man?"

He laughed at the nickname before he leaned in closer, lowering his voice as if sharing a secret, playfully. "Well, I could offer you a drink and continue this intriguing conversation, or I could simply disappear back into the crowd, leaving you with the mystery."

"I like mysteries," you replied with a flirty undertone. Now this was something new ─ he was actually engaging which made you even more interested. "I'm Y/N."

"Quinn," he responded and extended his hand with the same smirk he's had on the entire night. "Quinn Hughes," he repeated, emphasizing his name in a way that made it clear he wanted you to know it.

"Good to meet you, Quinn Hughes." You replied playfully. "Now, where's my drink?"

Quinn's grin widened as he held onto your hand for an extra second, making sure you knew he appreciated the introduction. "The pleasure's all mine, Y/N," he said with a wink before releasing your hand. "What are you like feeling tonight?"

"Bellini, please."

He looked at the bartender who was cleaning the glasses and nodded his head, "Two Bellini's, please."

The bartender soon returned with two frosty Bellinis, each garnished with a sweet slices of peach. You took a sip and savored the fruity and bubbly flavors.

"Cheers," you said, raising your glass to Quinn. "To unexpected encounters and intriguing mysteries."

Quinn clinked his glass against yours, his eyes locked onto yours. "To new beginnings and unforgettable nights," he added, his tone suggestive.

──

What started as a one-night stand quickly became something more. Nights spent together soon became a weekly thing that excited the both of you. Quinn found himself smiling at mere thought of your presence, and that was when he knew it was over for him.

Sweet words exchanged as you fell asleep together, talking about your dreams and hopes, your worst fears and nightmares, building something that could only be described as perfect. Everything that you had ever wanted was Quinn.

He was a gentlemen, he opened doors and made sure you got home safe. He gave you forehead kisses, treated you like a princess, paid for everything and respected your boundaries.

But nothing is meant to last forever.

"You told me you blocked her!" You yelled in frustration as you threw the phone on the bed.

Quinn's face flushed with anger, his eyes narrowing as he retorted, "Well, what about you, Y/N? You promised me you'd stop bringing up the past every time we argue!"

Your anger flared in response as you threw your head back in anger. "This isn't about the past, Quinn. This is about you lying to me!"

He clenched his fists, his voice rising with fury. "And what about your constant need to control everything, to question every little thing I do? It's suffocating!"

The room seemed to crackle with tension as the argument escalated. Voices raised, accusations flying, both of you venting the pent-up frustration that had been building over time. It was a clash of emotions, a heated exchange that left no room for compromise.

Quinn's face was red with anger as his usual calm demeanor broke, his voice laced with frustration. "You never trust me, Y/N! It's like you're always waiting for me to mess up, to prove that I'm not good enough for you."

Your own anger burned hotly, and you shot back, "Maybe if you didn't lie to me, I wouldn't have reason to doubt you!"

"Lie to you? Y/N, come on, I never said-"

"Don't you try and twist your words, Quinn!" you interrupted him, your voice sharp and accusing. The hurt and anger in your eyes were unmistakable as you continued, "I saw the messages, Quinn. Don't insult my intelligence by denying it."

Quinn's jaw clenched as he realized there was no way out of this argument. His own anger surged, and he retorted, "Fine, I lied about blocking her, but it's not what you think."

Your heart broke truly for the first time that night as he said those words. Your lip trembled as you continued, "Then what is it, Quinn? Why couldn't you just be honest with me?"

He let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair. "I didn't want to upset you, okay? I knew how much it bothered you, and I thought I could handle it on my own."

Your anger began to mix with a sense of betrayal. "So, you thought it was better to lie to my face instead of talking to me about it? Is that how you see our relationship?"

Quinn's shoulders slumped, realizing the gravity of his mistake. "No, Y/N, that's not what I meant. I messed up, and I'm sorry."

Silence enveloped the room, heavy and suffocating, as you sat back down on the bed. The tears you had been holding back finally began to flow, tracing a path down your cheeks. The pain and betrayal in your heart were almost too much to bear.

You felt Quinn's presence beside you on the bed, his touch warm on your shoulder. His voice was filled with regret, and you could sense the genuine concern in his words.

"Wait, baby, please don't cry," he implored, his voice soft and tender. He moved closer, his arms encircling you in a gentle embrace. You laced your arms around his waist as you let the tears freely fall.

Despite the anger and hurt that still lingered, you couldn't help but feel safe in his comforting touch. His embrace offered a sense of solace, a reminder of the love you share.

"I'll block her, okay?" He hummed softly as your cries paused and you nodded in his arms. "I'll block her," he kissed your head as he mumbled those words.

Those weren't the last lies you both would ever mutter. More lies would follow, weaving a tangled web of deceit between you both.

──

You had never been one to care, before Quinn. It was always one after the other, leaving no room to heal. No one had ever taken you like Quinn, no ever felt Quinn. He was one in a million, he was your equal.

Maybe that was the problem, he was too much like you. You should've known it was a bad idea once you realized how similar you two were. You were both fiercely independent, with strong-willed personalities and a desire for control over your lives. While these traits had drawn you together in the beginning, also fueled moments of conflict and clashes of wills.

Perhaps it was the old adage of "too much of a good thing." The intense passion and stubbornness that had drawn you together now threatened to tear you apart.

Arguments that once seemed passionate now felt exhausting, and you found yourselves butting heads more often than not. Quinn's stubbornness mirrored your own, and instead of compromising, you often clashed fiercely over minor disagreements.

Amidst the commotion, you couldn't deny the depth of your feelings for Quinn. He was, and would always be, the love of your life. You realized that love was not about finding someone without flaws, but rather finding someone whose flaws you could accept and embrace. Quinn was not perfect, and neither were you, but together, you were something good, something worth fighting for. Something good was something that was hard to find nowadays, and something you had never experienced, something that you now relished in.

So, you made a choice. You chose to ignore the problems, at least for the time being. It wasn't the healthiest decision, and deep down, you knew it. But the love you felt for Quinn was powerful, and you were willing to overlook the cracks in your relationship, hoping they would somehow heal on their own.

Now, in hindsight, you realized it wasn't the best choice.

"Jesus, Y/N! Give me some room, I just won the best game of my life and the only you wanna talk about is something you heard from someone you know is a shit-talker, Y/N." Quinn shouted as he walked away from you, into the kitchen. It was obvious he was avoiding the topic, you'd try to bring it up multiple times but now you just wanted answered.

Your frustration boiled over as you followed him, your voice sharper now. "Quinn," you snapped, "this is important, and you can't keep brushing it aside like it doesn't matter. We can't keep avoiding our issues."

"There aren't any issues, you're making them out of thin air Y/N." He replied sharply as he opened the fridge. "Fuck, I lost my appetite. Thanks, baby." The sweet pet-name sounded like an insult now as he glared at you.

His dismissive attitude only fueled your anger further. You couldn't let him brush this off any longer. "Quinn," you said firmly, "I'm not making this up, okay, this is just something that has bothered me from the beginning and I can't keep trying to ignore it. I want you to be honest with me."

Quinn let out an angry groan as he slammed the fridge making you jump as you leaned back from him. He noticed the change in atmosphere and he sighed. Tonight was supposed to be about celebrating his win and now it just felt like another night where you two fought.

He slammed the fridge door shut, his frustration boiling over. "You want honesty? Fine. I'm tired of you constantly questioning me, doubting my every move. It's suffocating, Y/N!"

"Quinn, what happened the first night we met?"

That statement made his face pale. Quinn shifted uncomfortably, his eyes darting around the room as if searching for an escape from the conversation. The air grew heavy with the weight of unspoken words, and for a moment, it seemed like he might try to evade the question.

But then, with a resigned sigh, he finally relented. "Fine, let's talk about it." He ran a hand through his hair, a gesture of nervousness that you had come to recognize. "It was a stupid bet, okay? My friends dared me to approach a beautiful girl like you and get your number."

Your heart sank as the truth spilled out. It confirmed your suspicions, but hearing it from him still stung. "No, but there's more. What about her?"

He knew who was "her" was, as he swallowed.

Quinn's discomfort was palpable as he reluctantly began to share more about that fateful night. "It wasn't just the bet," he admitted, his voice filled with regret. "There was this girl, one of my friends' exes. She was there that night, and she dared me to take things a step further."

Your heart sank even further, a mix of anger and hurt bubbling up. "You slept with me because she told me to?"

He nodded, unable to meet your gaze. "Yeah, I did. I'm so sorry, Y/N. I should've been honest from the beginning, but I was stupid, and I wanted to impress her."

The room seemed to close in around you as Quinn's confession hung in the air. It was a heavy blow, and your emotions swirled in turmoil. The pain of betrayal and humiliation washed over you, making it hard to find words.

"You used me," you finally choked out, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and sadness. He tried to touch your hand but you moved it, "Don't touch me."

And now it all made sense, the texting, him insisting she was blocked (when you knew she wasn't), the glances back from his friends on the night you met. It all clicked, like a switch.

But as you looked back at him, it hit you like a truck. Your sweet boyfriend, the whole foundation of your relationship had been because of a bet and an ex. "You still talk to her?"

The silence answered your question and you felt your stomach turn in disgust. The room felt suffocating, and you couldn't bear to stay there any longer. Pushing past Quinn, you rushed out of the kitchen, the weight of the revelation heavy on your shoulders.

──

You and Quinn faced each other as you both laid in bed, smiles hanging on your lips as you exchanged sweet whispers of "forever."

The room was bathed in the soft glow of the moonlight streaming through the curtains. It felt like a moment suspended in time, where the worries of the past and the uncertainties of the future faded away.

Quinn gently brushed a strand of hair from your face, his soft eyes filled with tenderness. "I love you, Y/N."

Your heart swelled with affection, and you caressed his cheek with your fingertips. "I love you too, Quinn."

As you lay there, wrapped in each other's arms, you both knew that the path ahead wasn't easy. But for now, in that moment, you held onto the hope that love would prevail, and your story would continue, marked by its ups and downs, but bound together by a love that refused to fade.

──

Forever was the sweetest con. Promises of the best future were mere phrases, no literal meaning behind them.

As you stared into his eyes, his beautiful eyes, the eyes that still somehow showed admiration, you knew that this was the end. And in the depth of that painful realization, you also knew that, somehow, it was for the better. The love that had once bound you both was still there, but it had transformed into something unrecognizable, something that no longer served the happiness you both deserved.

In the midst of that silence, you could almost hear the echoes of all the beautiful moments you had shared with Quinn. The laughter, the whispered promises, the warmth of his embrace – they all seemed like distant memories now, fading into the abyss of what could have been.

Finally, Quinn's lips moved, and he let out a heavy sigh. "Y/N," he began, his voice tinged with sadness, "I wish things could have been different. I never wanted to hurt you like this."

Your throat tightened, and you fought to keep your composure. "I know, Quinn," you whispered, your voice trembling. "It's just too late to fix what's broken."

The words hung heavily in the air, a painful acknowledgment of the damage that had been done. You both knew that there was no turning back, no magic words that could erase the pain and mistrust that now defined your relationship.

The pain of parting was excruciating as you took a step back from each other, the unspoken love still lingered in the space between you. It was a love that would forever remain a bittersweet memory, a chapter in your lives that had come to an end.

With one final, longing look, you turned away from Quinn and walked towards your separate futures, leaving behind the shattered remnants of a love that had once felt like forever.

You would never love again, not like you did with Quinn. No would ever make you laugh like he did, or touch you like he did, or make you cry like he did. And maybe in some way, that was a good thing.

Maybe, in time, you would discover new forms of love, different from what you had known before. You didn't know if you even wanted that, you just wanted what you once had with Quinn, before any of the shit hit the fan. At the same time you knew you were destined for failure the moment he had come up to you at that shitty bar, the foundation was destined to break into a million pieces for you to pick up.

Maybe, in some other universe, it would've worked out. Quinn would've come up to you willingly and bought you a bellini and maybe, he wouldn't have been so hung up on his ex. And then, your promises would've been fulfilled; the big house in Michigan, with two dogs and a big family and an even bigger heart. Two boys and two girls, like he'd promised. So that the son had a brother, and the daughter had a sister, just like the both of you had.

It was a beautiful vision of what could have been, a dream woven with the threads of love and real commitment. And maybe, in this reality or another, there were still beautiful moments and dreams waiting to unfold and that brought you some kind of peace.

-> make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated! <-

thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[seawater-aurelia-writing]

Broken { The Break; Chapter 2}

Pairing(s): Fem!MC/Yuu/Reader x TBD

Summary: MC awakens after her fall but the reactions of others make her spiral worse - but not all is as it seems.

WARNINGS

I am not the best at labeling warnings or triggers but I can say that this story is laden with neglect, self-depreciation, self-neglect, anxiety, possible depression and attempts to justify the above. There could be more labels that I can add but i’m unsure how to word them - so please exercise caution.

I liiiiiiiiiiiive! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ I restarted this SO many times and yet I could never get it to feel...'right'...So I hope this lives up to yall's expectations! Sorry for the bad summary lol

One last disclaimer though! I have not seen the entirety of Chapter 6 and I have avoided pretty much all content for Chapter 7 as far as i'm aware. So I may not have everyone exactly in character in new things were revealed for them.

When M/C awoke, she half expected to be in the infirmary as she was when she was knocked unconscious during the Magift Tournament. But the other half of her? 

She didn’t expect much. Be it the stillness of the void around her, or the library floor if Professor Trein left her where she fell – there wouldn’t be much difference. It's what usually happened anyway; She could handle her injuries herself if that was the case. However, she supposed there was some form of upside to being in the infirmary. 

If she was left in the void, how else would she know firsthand how she burdened and upset those around her.

‘It’s so late…’ She thought to herself, gazing out of the window across from her bed. She could barely make out the faintest shape of the moon – a crescent. Even the moon was smiling at just how pathetic she had to look at this moment.

“-C. M/C!” 

Why was it so hard for her to hear? Even as she turned her head slowly, moving her eyes to gaze up at the headmaster beside her, it was as if someone had placed her in a tub of mud. She moved so slowly, without much feeling other than a sharp pain as she tried to rest the side of her head down onto the pillow.

“…Hng..”

“Thank goodness, you’ve finally awoken! It’s been two days already! What on earth did you drink to cause you to create such an awful mess of the library?! You know very well that you cannot ...poultices as other students do because of ... Furthermore, I believe I ...use it for research not as ...a playground!” He ranted but his voice faded in and out as he spoke. But why? Why can't I hear him?

Only an idiot would zone out at a time like this.

Crowley sighed, clearly exasperated when she didn’t attempt to speak.

‘He hates that he let you stay here. Who can't do simple chores?He wishes he never helped you.’

“Once you are ...leave, you are to clean up ...the library. Luckily, ...the matter with you ...I can see.” He continued after a moment, his arms folding over his chest as he gazed down at her. Slowly, it became easier to focus but the ringing in her ears never  "Actually...Our nurse is ...but I see no reason ...release you myself."

“…Y-yes…sir.” She rasped, voice dry and hoarse from lack of use.How long had she been unconscious? But again, did it truly matter? But what did that matter? Clearly, the pain in her head wasn’t real and not a sign of something worse. Why should she expect something else?

'He wants you gone.'

'You're taking up space.'

'Stop being selfish.'

'Because you think you're worth more than you are.'

Ace, Deuce and Grim came to visit her that day at lunch just before her release but the visit felt hollow. They laughed and teased her for her clumsiness, even Deuce smiling a bit at the dramatics of Grim, but none seemed to notice the forced smile that M/C put on her face. None noticed how her eyes twitched at the sharp, spike of pain that formed when they grew louder. 

‘They’re only here because they’re forced to be. Stop thinking about yourself.’

'Just smile. Don't make a scene.'

When M/C had been released earlier that day, she was urged straight to attend the final class of that day rather than go straight to Ramshackle. 

‘Please let this go by fast…’ She thought to herself, letting Rook lead the way to their class as the pain in her head continued to grow. M/C closed her eyes for a moment, missing the way Rook glanced back at her and shifted his body to walk closer to her. 'Please...'

Yet it did not. 

MC felt as if she was on autopilot as she sat in class, sluggishly marking notes where needed and nodding along with the lecture but nothing seemed to sink in, no matter how many times she willed herself to focus in. Rook would boisterously comment on things, his voice jolting her to the present long enough for her to gaze at him and then the teacher before her focus waned once more.

‘You’re so needy.’ Why couldn’t she just move past her little incident? Everyone else already had moved past it, so it clearly wasn’t very important. She had no right to wish that others worry about her. They had bigger things to worry about, more important things to focus on.

Right?

‘Why can’t you handle this on your own?” Why couldn’t she? It was only one day just like the others! It wasn’t even hard! Ruggie had gone without meals more than she had! So obviously, she was just exaggerating. Vil had more things to worry about than she did including an actual career! What right did she have to complain about doing a few favors?

‘You’re pathetic.’

‘A waste of space.’

‘What good is someone who screws up a simple thing?’

‘No one cares.’

‘You’re replaceable.’

‘Forgettable.’

As class ended, MC prepared for her cycle to begin once more and so it did. Rather than go to  dinner, Kalim latched onto MC the moment she was out of the classroom. The pain in her head returned full force with his boisterous volume right beside her ear but she still smiled. 

He offered to help the next time she went to the library since he knew ladders were tricky. 

‘They aren’t tricky. He’s pitying you’

“Kalim, leave her alone. She needs to rest.” Jamil finally said after a few minutes, his eyes not leaving her  as he spoke. He almost seemed to study her before adding, “She isn’t looking well.”

‘Pathetic.’

“Huh,? Oh right! I’m sorry! Go, go rest up! We can plan a group dinner later!” Kalim practically beamed before ushering her away from the cafeteria despite Grim’s many protests and her own stumbling feet.

“B-But -” 

 But they were already on Main Street by the time MC attempted to speak. Why was she always so hesitant when it came to these things? She barely uttered a word in the entire conversation and despite Jamil’s eyes on her, it was as if she wasn’t really a part of the conversation. Just a figure meant to listen but not contribute. 

Always there but never meant to fully be there.

MC didn’t register her body moving as she went towards the direction of Ramshackle, her form practically shrinking in on itself as they went. Grimm was rambling on and on as he floated beside her, while she let her body guide her on a path she had now memorized. 

“…Just…pathetic…” She mumbled, one hand coming up to grasp at the other elbow. That’s what she was, wasn’t she? She didn’t stand out other than being magicless but even then people seemed to forget. No one cared that she couldn’t magically make a situation better, but they expected her to do it anyway. Just like no one seemed to care about her wellbeing but they expected her to always be okay. Thoughts of Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, and Vil drifted into her mind - how each of them experienced their own breaks during the Overblots, how they opened up about what hurt them, how everyone listened and tried to help them. She thought about how Crowley actually brought in special healers and therapists just for them for weeks after their incidents and how they still have check-ins with him to ensure they’re on the right track. 

Where was that for her? Her body couldn’t produce magic, she couldn’t  Overblot to make others realize how badly she was hurt mentally, physically, emotionally. She couldn’t voice her worries because who would listen? Even when she tried to warn her friends about the smallest of dangers, they simply brushed her off. Her words didn’t matter; so why would her thoughts matter.

‘Is that it?’ She wondered, a sudden cold feeling filling her form. What if she truly was the issue? Why was she so focused on having her thoughts and feelings acknowledged when she knew that all others wanted was for her to help them? They are all more important than her pathetic emotions, right? They have a life and future here in their world and it’s clear she’s just an anomaly who may never return to where she was once from. Was she - overvaluing herself? Was it all-

“It’s your fault, you know!” Grimm yelled suddenly, directly in front of her.

MC stopped suddenly, a cold chill rushing through her body at the words. Her fingernails slowly began digging into her skin as she looked into Grim’s eyes. “W-what?”

“It’s your fault!! You know, I had to do cleaning duty!” He complained, his little paws resting on his hips as he scowled. “I wanted to pick up some of that discount tuna before Ruggie got all of it but I was roped into cleaning! Not to mention those creepy twins came at me about something you forgot! And you forgot the library today! I'm not cleaning that just because you're lazy and took a fall! You’re my henchman, not the other way around! Don’t be selfish! ”

M/C this. M/C that. Clean the weeds. Fetch my things. Deliver this. Talk to this person. Clean this, clean that. Keeping busy, always busy.

'It's for the best. They have other things to focus on-'

She stopped walking, her head hurting more and more, as if a little thing was smashing cauldrons over and over against her brain. Her heart joined the rhymed pounding so hard, she gripped her chest in a vain attempt to calm it.

"Stop-" She gasped but couldn't say more as she stepped back, her throat clenching.

'They are more important. Don't deny it'

'They will never care about you.'

'You don't belong here.'

“I know as the Great Magician that I am, that I need to carry the both of us since you're useless without magic but you need to watch it with the - huh? MC?!” Grimm continued, his tone shifting to something MC didn’t want to hear – something she couldn’t hear.

She backed away, one step and then two before rushing off towards the entrance gates of the College. Not once looking back.

Her surroundings blurred as she ran, not taking into account where she was truly going - just knowing that she had to get away, far away. From the Grim, from all of the others, from Night Raven College, from everything.She just wanted it all to go away!

'Useless.'

'Magicless.'

‘Selfish’

"Stop! Stop it!" She sobbed, her breath catching in her throat. Her chest began to hurt more than her head caused her to stagger in her stride. M/C felt herself tumble down and crash down a slope, the brush scratching her as she went down before she hit something hard and frigid. 

She sobbed as the thoughts continued to repeat in her head; Every overblot, every chore, every demand, every reprimand, every expectation, and every sign of disappointment. Why was she truly like this? She wasn’t good for anything but menial tasks due to her lack of magic and still she can’t do any of that right. 

“Make it stop, make it stop, makeitstop…”

She didn’t know how long she laid there, nor how long she was sobbing, begging and screaming for the pain to go away, for the thoughts to go away. The pain in her head only grew the more she cried, and as it grew  - so did that pain and tightness in her chest.

‘Useless.’

‘Useless!’

‘USELE-’

Until the darkness took her under again.

But unlike before - the chill of the darkness grew stronger and more intense until it was the only thing she was able to feel. Just as the voices were the only thing she was able to hear. Repeating their words over and over, in a hell that she couldn’t wake up from.

After what seems like ages, a gradual warmth began to seep into  the darkness around her. A spreading, far reaching feeling spreading across her body but oddly focused around her back and under her legs. 

‘What is…’ She wondered as another sensation came to her slowly, a rocking kind of motion accompanied by a lightness. It reminded her of the gentle swaying of the waves of Coral Sea but was swiftly ruined by the sound of harsh thunder reigniting the pain in her head. A flash of brilliant light flashed across her eyelids, causing her to whimper.

“Are…-ake, dear?” A familiar, deep voice crooned, not loud enough to hurt her head any further but enough for her to hear it clearly.

‘This voice…I know it…I..Why is he-’

‘You’re wasting his time.’

“Shhh, your heart…racing again. You…it’s Lillia…Focus on my breathing, little one.” Lillia’s voice soothed, as the rocking motion slowed - was she being carried? M/C registered the warmth tightening around her slightly as her breath quickened unintentionally.  “Shhh, focus…. You can do it. Think of nothing else but my voice and deep breaths.”

It took what felt like ages before M/C was able to focus on the steady rise and fall of her head in time with Lillia’s breathing. The ache in her chest lightened but the pain in her head did not, only worsening as she attempted to open her eyes. Another flash of lightning, red eyes and furrowed brows.

“It’s best if your eyes remain closed. The storm will only worsen the pain of your concussion.” Lillia remarked, just before more thunder rumbled. “ You worried us all, dear. Especially dear Malleus.”

“C-concussion? B-but I…don’t have a-” She mumbled, turning her head to hide from the storm before a thought flashed through her mind. “T-The library! I didn’t clean i-”

“You will not be cleaning anything nor doing any chores for the foreseeable future, little one.” Lillia cut her off quickly, his soft voice containing a firmer tone than she was used to hearing. “You are injured and have been pushing yourself too hard. Far harder than you should have.”

‘He knows you can’t do it. That’s why he said that.’

‘He knows you’re pathetic.’

“No, n-no I’m not. It’s fine. If anything I need to push harder, heh.” She forced out a laugh, attempting to lighten the atmosphere but Lillia merely sighed.  “I-It’s nothing really!”

“You’ve barely been eating, little one. Silver told me as such and I witnessed it myself; We were going to ensure you ate this evening but you didn’t show. In addition, you’ve been having more accidents than usual and have been unfocused. You. Are.Exhausted.”

“No, it’s fine. I just, if I just finish this one thing then it’s fine. I-I can clean the library super fast and it’s all okay!” She pressed, fighting the urge to cry once more. Had her screw ups been that apparent? She didn’t mean to; She was doing her best!

“But it’s never just one thing, is it?” M/C faintly registered the sound of his shoes upon cobblestone, were they back on campus?  “After this, then there’s another favor that’s asked of you, another assignment, another mess to clean. But – have you had time for yourself, little one?”

“…I-I do at night I have-“ The words trailed off as she tried to think of something. She did have time to herself at night but it was never for long, especially when her thoughts would become so loud or she would get those odd dreams of things she swears she’s seen but can’t fully remember. 

“But you live with Grim,yes? Who boasts about how tidy you keep your shared room…so I can only wonder how much alone time you get in there at all.” He hummed,and for a brief moment MC felt the brush of something soft and silken brush her face. Lilia seemed to shift slightly, curling into her  before the gently swaying became an airy sensation, like she was adrift but his warmth continued to steady her.

“…”

“And let us not forget that Malleus often takes his nightly walks in your area; Often alongside you, yes?  He’s told us that he’s seen lights on in Ramshackle as late as the early morning hours even after he’s escorted you home.”

“Ramshackle…isn’t my home.” She mumbled, her eyes growing hot and tears welled within. “This isn’t my home, I don’t belong and that’s why this doesn’t matter. I don’t know why you’re wasting your time with me; you have better things-”

“Do you know what’s the scariest thing in the world?”

“Huh?”

Lilia’s voice was low as he continued to speak, “Asking for help. You have to open yourself up and admit to yourself and someone else that you need help. That you need someone there to help you stand until you get your footing once again. There’s not many people who can open themselves up to doing that. Magically inclined or not.”

MC thinks of everyone who asks her for help. “No one seems to have that issue here…”

“They do love to ask you for things but not for those matters that are oh-so  troubling to them. Most would rather keep to themselves and allow their thoughts to consume them before they incite their pleas. Does that sound familiar?”

MC bit her lip, her eyes opening partially as her tears finally began to fall. She vaguely noticed the dim setting around them, but nothing was truly familiar as her tears blurred her sight. “All of you already have so much to worry about and futures to plan and…it’s just…better if I don’t ask.”

“And what, praytell, about your future, little one?” Lilia pressed as MC shakily used her hands to wipe her tears away.

“I…don’t think I have one. I don’t have magic so I can’t really….. I’m a magic-less student in a magically-based academy – how am I even going to use what I’m being taught? I’m just pathetic and worthless-.”

“Enough. I refuse to listen to you slander yourself in such a way, Child of Man.”

MC tensed as Malleus’s voice rang out firm from somewhere in front of Lilia and herself. She slowly parted her fingers, blinking so as to get a clear peek between them but quickly came to wish she hadn’t. She wished she could go back to that unknown area where Lilia had taken her from and just melt there where she wouldn’t have to deal with what was in front of her and the implications it all held.

Standing before her, in the main room of Ramshackle Dorm, were the Dorm Leaders , Grim and Sam with various expressions across their faces. -----------------------------taglist-------------------------------

@mamushroomoracorn | @sailor-pom | @secondb0rn | @honey-deerling-oc | @valerieelizablack | @hanafubukki |@houseoftitans | @butterscotch-babie | @thai | @alextheknight707 | @starshiningsirius | @vanrougette | @valerieelizablack | @cherrysamasama | @over-active-daydreamer | @tanspostsblog | @pineapple-coco | @silvsilvysilver | @diu0sanr | @amoresdarlene | @alankorex | @thehomosexualsupportingcast | @formerstands | @yourunsearc | @twst-rui | @StarryOne23

[kiwiana-writes]

WIP Wednesday

If you noticed that the fic tag is new and therefore this is another fucking new WIP, shut up no you didn't.

Back on my bullshit making tumblr posts FirstPrince. Hopefully by making it a 5+1 it won't spin as out of control as the last time I did that. TBD lol.

Henry has, for as long as he can remember, utterly and completely lost his ability to function around obscenely beautiful men. (“You do understand that by any reasonable measure you yourself are one of these ‘obscenely beautiful men’, don’t you, Hazza?” Pez had said when Henry had been despairing this particular trait of his. “I’d like to think the revolving door of eager gentleman callers in and out of our flat would have clued you in, if nothing else.” “That may well be,” Henry had replied firmly, because while his list of neuroses is both long and complex, none of them are related to his own attractiveness, “but as I have no desire to have sex with myself—beyond the obvious—I fail to see how that’s relevant.”  “You wouldn’t fuck your clone?” This had, apparently, been a position Pez could not allow to stand, and the conversation had devolved fairly quickly from there.) The point is, Henry knows who and what he is. So when he rushes through from the back room at the chime of the bell over the door just in time to bear witness to the most attractive man he has ever been within twenty feet of pulling his hat off his head and shaking out his curls as though he’s in some sort of Herbal Essences commercial, and promptly drops an entire tray of brownies onto the floor, it’s not exactly surprising. It is, however, deeply inconvenient.

Forever feeling feral for whatever y'all are up to, so tagging @affectionatelyrs @anincompletelist @blairwaldcrf @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @cultofsappho @daisymae-12 @dumbpeachjuice @firenati0n @getmehighonmagic @happiness-of-the-pursuit @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @indestructibleheart @indomitable-love @inexplicablymine @leaves-of-laurelin @lizzie-bennetdarcy @myheartalivewrites @notspecialbabe @orchidscript @rmd-writes @sherryvalli @ships-to-sail @smc-27 @sparklepocalypse @ssmtskw @stereopticons @tintagel-or-cockleshells @welcometololaland @whimsymanaged and, as always, anyone who wants to play! (If you take the open tag please tag me so I can see!!)

(Also! If you have one of these cute Christmas trees and you haven't tagged me, please do so so I can drop you a message! ❤️)

[taktitty]

MILD SPOILERS BELOW CUT

I’m not even a third of the way through the book yet because I want to take my time but oh my god

Jean and Neil as foils of one another…

Both of them being 19 really threw me- Jean is so young and shows us Exactly what Neil would have gone through if he stayed at the nest

They are such incredible distorted broken mirrors of each other and their traumas

Both sold- one stayed one ran - both broken and desperately finding a foot hold

Neil taking a chance on the unknown while Jean desperately wants to cling to the devil he knows because trusting the unknown could break him

Imaging them growing up in the nest together really breaks my heart, they clung to one another for just 2 (3) weeks- a life time as partners (twins even) with that trauma in the nest I don’t think they ever could leave each other

There was no right choice for them only death. Neil clawed desperately for life and Jean accepted that death was the correct outcome. Both have to deal with the consequences of finally having to live not just survive

Anyways I’m done blabbing for now this probably doesn’t even make sense and maybe my mind will be changed when I actually finish the book lol tbd

But anyways love these boys so much and so excited to see where this goes

[fadelbison]

Hi! I wanted to ask you what do you think about people saying that ZeeNuNew is just fan service? I mean for me it’s fact that they do kind of fanservice but they confirmed their relationship themselves Donau trust them, also things they did for each other.. I just believe in them and so hope they’ll be together for very long time

thank you for asking me this because i get to talk about my RPF shipping philosophies and ZNN are the perfect case study for it though how helpful you will find my answer is TBD Your questions relate to my two main RPF shipping philosophies: 1) The relationship status of the idols/actors is what they say it is (and I really don't care if they're lying about it).

So yes, I believe that Zee and Nunew are in a romantic relationship with each other in their personal lives because they have in fact confirmed it on their Woody interview. The people who say Zee is 'too straight' to be in a relationship with a man are especially soft in the head. I know a gay patent lawyer and he behaves identically to every patent lawyer I've met - stiff and boring...like for real go outside touch grass meet a few gay people in real life lol

2) Everything is fanservice.

Therefore, ZNN are also entirely fanservice because they have a transactional relationship with their fans where despite their personal connection are presenting a fantasy/fictional version of it for our consumption.

Do we know them? Contrary to BL norms, height and age do not actually determine who tops and bottoms in gay sex lol. It is strange to believe that ZNN in their personal life will ascribe to the soft dom top and bratty bottom dynamic that their CP pigeonholes them into. They very well might be exactly like that but... If they weren't just fanservice you'd see them fight, you'd see their doubts, you'd see who they hate in each others families and friends. It's a good thing that they are just fanservice. There are probably days that they go on stage and act sweet and cute to each other without feeling that way about each other at all.

This is NORMAL in a relationship.

Do you think the Taokenoi or Oishii C or whatever skincare event they have booked months in advance can be postponed just because Nunew and Zee fought that morning? I believe in them too anon (despite my better judgement about public figures in general) and I think that they are very serious about their professional careers. If Nunew and Zee ditched each other, they'd probably be able to grow more towards their personal strengths (Nunew in singing and Zee in acting) but regardless they're doing VERY well together, both in terms of financial success and artistic growth, and staying professionally hitched makes the grind more sustainable for them I think.

I try not to bother with actual celebrity personal lives but on that front I only wish them well and for them to be happy whether that's together or apart (because real couples just like fictional ones can break up too and that's okay).

[se7ens-oc-heaven]

Ritsu!

man I said I'd get to queueing up these old prompts and then Didn't... but at least I've gotten around to it now! Also to contextualize how old this prompt is? When I first filled out this profile for him I hadn't even established what goes on with him and Rex ultimately! (This was written before their dynamic retcon even, whoopsies).

I tweaked some things but I'm going to post the original info (Hisui variant) below a cut under the up-to-date profile. I'm also going to add a bonus profile for Rex in the reblog since I happened to do that for funsies, so look out for that ;)

Who are they?

Full name?  Ritsu [last name tbd]

Nicknames? N/A

Gender/pronouns? Male (probably), he/him

Orientation? Aroace-spec - not sure if aro or demiro

Age/Birthday? 23, roughly / he forgor [unset]

Fun fact! Zodiac? :( (Pisces? Or Aquarius/Pisces cusp maybe)

What’s their personality?

Major good traits? Always willing to help others, generous, good with kids, pretty patient

Major flaws? Struggles with putting himself first; isn't always good at voicing his thoughts; more likely to become quietly distant than address a problem

Goals? To settle into the place he can truly belong

Fears? Being uprooted again, dreaming or making up his life entirely

Optimistic or pessimistic? Tempered optimistic

Introvert, extrovert, or ambivert? Introverted, but good with people

Empathetic or un-empathetic? Very empathetic

Do they wait and plan or dive right in? He much prefers to wait and plan... Sometimes he gets so caught up on this step he never follows through with said plans

Do they go with the flow or forge their own path? He prefers to go with the flow but narratively keeps being put in a position to forge (if that makes any sense at all)

Fun fact! Other defining traits? Incredibly klutzy, lacks a lot of coordination despite having good response times.

Relations to the world?

Who’s their family? He has yet to regain his memories of them, but both parents are alive and well in his home region.

Where are they from? Fortree City, Hoenn

Where do they live now? Freezington in the Crown Tundra - though in practice he's rarely there.

Do they have a job? If so, what is it? He is a traveling assistant with Rex's legend research.

How are they with technology? He's most likely approximately two centuries behind the times. It's not going well lol

Connections to religion or spirituality? Him and God aren't exactly on speaking terms anymore.

Powers or magic? None anymore

Fun fact! Connections to the lore? He has been isekai'd twice now, and then finally brought back home with no memory of what that even would mean to him. He's a very influential case to the world around him, but mostly he just wants to find a stable life for himself and help others like him if possible.

Favorites?

Favorite season/weather? Sunny days, probably prefers summer. He gets cold faster than he used to so it's soothing to be in the summer heat for him.

Favorite place? He still gets too cold but Freezington is growing on him regardless. He also loves visiting Postwick to catch up with Rex and Hop's family.

Favorite food? He's rediscovering his love for pasta dishes, and getting to try other new things each day. Sometimes he misses Beni's cooking though.

Favorite clothes/accessories? His Rescue Team Bandanna; his old uniform from the Galaxy team.

Favorite animal? The typhlosion line, naturally!

Favorite/most frequently used mode of transportation? His preferred mode is riding on pokemon, like in Hisui, but nowadays it seems vehicles are the dominant way of travel...

Favorite holiday? None that he can celebrate nowadays - most holidays are still too socially overwhelming for him.

Hobbies? Reading, reading, reading. There's much in the world for him to catch up on, but also it's a very calming, lowkey activity - he's missed having that in his life. It's an equal balance of nonfiction and comics.

Relationships?

Best friends? Rex and Hop!

Closest family member? He hasn't really stayed in touch with any. Things have become rather awkward in light of him not actually being dead, and brought back by the one person they insistently shot down....

Partner/s? Rex - not sure if romantic or QPR yet.

Enemies? He still holds a grudge towards Commander Kamado, even if the guy's long dead by now.

What organizations/clubs/etc are they in? He wants to start his own group to find and help other cases like his.

Fun fact! What are they like with their best friend or partner? He's still quiet, but he learns how to be more open and vocal with both of them, and how to enjoy himself with others - and he learns how to be firm with Rex, standing his ground if something comes up that he disagrees with. Most would assume Rex is the one who takes the lead between the two of them, but most times it's Ritsu taking the stand to rein Rex in more than anything.

(Old profile below)

Who are they?

Full name?  Ritsu

Nicknames? N/A

Gender/pronouns? Male, he/him

Orientation? Aroace

Age/Birthday? 20, roughly / he forgor

Fun fact! Zodiac? :( (Pisces? Or Aquarius/Pisces cusp maybe)

What’s their personality?

Major good traits? Always willing to help others, generous, good with kids, pretty patient

Major flaws? Struggles with putting himself first; isn't always good at voicing his thoughts; more likely to become quietly distant than address a problem

Goals? To find a place he can truly belong

Fears? Being uprooted again, dreaming up his life entirely

Optimistic or pessimistic? Tempered optimistic

Introvert, extrovert, or ambivert? Introverted, but good with people

Empathetic or un-empathetic? Very empathetic

Do they wait and plan or dive right in? He much prefers to wait and plan... Sometimes he gets so caught up on this step he never follows through with said plans

Do they go with the flow or forge their own path? He prefers to go with the flow but narratively keeps being put in a position to forge (if that makes any sense at all)

Fun fact! Other defining traits? Incredibly klutzy, lacks a lot of coordination despite having good response times.

Relations to the world?

Who’s their family? He has lost his memory of them, including his parents, but they all are alive and well elsewhere

Where are they from? Fortree City, Hoenn

Where do they live now? Jubilife Village in Hisui

Do they have a job? If so, what is it? He is a ten star Survey Corps member

How are they with technology? Bad at this point lmao. Probably better than others around him but that's not saying much

Connections to religion or spirituality? Well, he can now call God up on his phone...

Powers or magic? None anymore

Fun fact! Connections to the lore? He has been isekai'd twice now, and after being banished and on the run as a cyndaquil, fighting legendaries with his own bare paws, Ritsu has become somewhat jaded to any punishments the Galaxy Team have attempted to threaten him with.

Favorites?

Favorite season/weather? Sunny days, probably prefers summer. He gets cold faster than he used to so it's soothing to be in the summer heat for him.

Favorite place? Either the pokemon pastures or up by Coronet Highlands's arena - he appreciates the view despite the chill.

Favorite food? Most likely pasta dishes that are not available in Hisui

Favorite clothes/accessories? His Rescue Team Bandanna.

Favorite animal? The typhlosion line, naturally!

Favorite/most frequently used mode of transportation? Wyrdeer

Favorite holiday? The-sky-isn't-splitting-open celebratory festival has to be his favorite so far. He hopes it'll become a yearly event. The festival, not the sky splitting open, of course.

Relationships?

Best friends? Might be Professor Laventon...?

Closest family member? N/A

Partner/s? N/A

Enemies? Commander Kamado. He works for the guy but is none too pleased with him as a person after the banishment events...

What organizations/clubs/etc are they in? Does the Galaxy team count?

[troped-fanfic-challenge]

So...TROPED is coming to a close. What does that mean exactly?!

TROPED is officially ending on March 10, 2024, the five year anniversary of our first ever post (the start of it all!). As of right now, unless there are HIGH LEVELS of interest in another event (10 or more guaranteed participants), our Horror Exchange Event was our final event. We do not currently have any further events planned, but we will (as always) still be accepting any fics written for any past events or shared with us.

However, even though our last event has been hosted, we still have some exciting things planned to celebrate you, our beautiful community, and the amazing work you have shared with us over the years!

Starting at 8:00pm EST TONIGHT, we will begin nominations for our TROPED Fanfic Awards! A survey will be shared that will allow you to nominate your favourite fics, authors, events, and more! Nominations will be open until December 31, 2023 at 11:59 pm EST. (got a fic or two that you're still hoping to share with TROPED? Get them in before December 31 and maybe you can sneak in a last minute nomination!!)

Also in December, we will be sharing masterlists containing all the fics written for each year of TROPED, so get excited for a blast from the past with some of your favourite fics!

Voting for the nomination based awards will start in January of 2024 (exact date TBD, but we'll be quick about it!). Voting will continue until February 29, 2024 at 11:59 pm EST!

Between March 1st and March 10th, 2024, we will be sharing the winners of the awards, both nomination-based and otherwise! We will decide more what this will look like as we get closer, but rest assured we will be celebrating you and all you have contributed to TROPED in the best way we know how.

On March 10, 2024, we will be officially saying goodbye to the formal, event organizing side of TROPED. From that point forward, our blog will remain a space where we share writing resources, important resources about world events and human rights issues, and we will begin what we're calling The Monthly Mystery Basket, where we will (try our very best to) share a monthly prompt with you (don't mind us if we miss a few lol).

The prompts and other posts will continue as long as we feel inspired to share them, but this space will always be yours. Any fics shared from that point forward should be added to our Non-Anonymous collection, and we will try our best to share them as often as we can. But please, continue to reblog our old posts, our masterlists, or your friends and mutuals posts about their fics that have been shared with us! TROPED is, and has always been, about building a community where we can share our art with each other and celebrate each other. Just because we will be shuttering our events doesn't mean your art should be given any less love!!

As we say goodbye, we hope we can celebrate you and your art, one last time and we hope, if you've been away, you'll come back to celebrate TROPED with us.

We can't wait for what we have planned, and we love you all!

xo, S&B

[whentherewerebicycles]

goooood morning here’s me carrying ruthie when she got a little spooked by a noise on the trail and didn’t want to walk anymore lol. today is the last day of liz visit 😩😩😩😩 but we don’t have to leave for the airport until 4:30 so we have the whole long day ahead of us!!! I have my IUI at 9:20 this morning and am trying not to feel kinda glum about it in advance. let me catalogue the worries: I feel like the timing is weird this time (IUI on day 17 of my cycle instead of day 14/15) because the eggs grew slower (which also worries me because whyyy). I am also worried I used the wrong needle to inject the trigger shot because they sent two this time (for reasons unclear) and it was too late at night to call my doctor to ask which one to use. lastly I don’t feel like I’m noticing any ovulation signs even ~36 hours after the shot so what if it already happened or I messed up the shot. blehhh it’s fine I’m just afraid that even with all the extra monitoring and dosage adjustments we’re going to miss the window again. BUT you know the last four attempts didn’t succeed so maybe changing up the routine a lot is exactly what we need even if my brain is like you MUST do it EXACTLY right. anyway I am trying to acknowledge the anxiety and let it pass over & through me without settling into me etc etc. you know the drill.

today—liz and I are going to go into the city & just have a fun lowkey day of exploring! tbd what we actually do but I think it’s going to be a nice sunny day. after I drop her off tonight I want to try to do a quick circuit of returns while I’m out (target, kohl’s, old navy, world market) so I can hopefully get some $$ back. then I wanna go to bed early so I can be ready for my first day tomorrow!! I don’t have to meet my boss until 10am so I think I might try to get up at 6, coffee/lounge for a bit, and then take the dogs for a 45-60 min morning walk before showering at 8/leaving at 9:30.

I’m so nervous but also so excited! all the things I’m stressed about (like am I “old” enough for this role, do I have the requisite experience and competencies, will I be able to learn on the job, etc etc) are almost certainly things the hiring committee considered and discussed when they were evaluating me against other applicants. and they have MUCH deeper knowledge than I do of what the job entails and what kind of person is likely to succeed in this role. if they felt confident that I’d be able to adjust, adapt, and learn in the job even if I haven’t held a position at this level before, I should trust their (informed) judgment over my own (partial, probably anxiety-skewed) assessment. so: I’m holding those worries loosely too. and I know for a fact I’ll feel better once I hit the ground running. you only notice the nerves when you’re standing still thinking about them!

[oodlyenough]

the last of us 1x06: kin

surprisingly don't think i have a ton to say about this ep of the last of us but i feel like i should continue posting for posterity at this point lol. (eta: i said that, then started writing my thoughts, and wrote a gazillion words anyway.)

side note: any canadians watching on crave? isn't it fucking terrible. trash service

anyway: 1x06!

continuing to enjoy joel and ellie a lot. the further we get into the show i think the more they've come into the roles and evolved into their own versions of the characters, which is fine. good even. i think bella ramsey and pedro pascal have very fun chemistry together, and i think bella carries the comedy beats really well, which means i've been enjoying seeing more and more of those. i also really like those scenes because they feel familiar without being complete retreads of the game dialogue (which inherently invites me to make comparisons on delivery, etc)

so this joel is much more openly vulnerable. i think this change works to go with what we've seen in the show so far and places where the show is presumably going. and, i'll be honest, i find show joel a much more likable character. 🤷🏼‍♀️

the "not my daughter" scene hit differently... tbh i think it hit less, but not really through any fault of the show's, if that makes sense. it's just one where beat by beat i know the words as delivered by troy and ashley and my brain is super imposing them

loved the opening with the Indigenous couple, they were so funny, and the idea of florence seeing joel puffed up like an angry bird and identifying zero threat and making him soup lmfaoooooo hkghlkg. honestly w game joel i don't think that would work, lol, but w show joel it did. such a funny way to use the map easter egg, and the "there are firefly people?" followed by the couple laughing at their own joke killed me lol

also loved ellie's indignation about how they probably don't know anything because they're "a thousand" and they don't even know the fireflies, who are probably a total nonentity outside select QZs. extreme kid energy. they haven't even HEARD of paw patrol can you believe it. what do they know. also, congrats to them escaping joel and ellie mostly unscathed... minus a rabbit. (rude, ellie.)

show maria was great idc. imo game maria is not much of a character, so the show had plenty of room to expand, and i liked how they did it. i see some people reacting badly to her skepticism of joel and forgiveness of tommy, but we also don't really know what exactly she's been told by tommy. maria being pregnant is also a more solid reason for why tommy can't take ellie than we got in the game.

i can't really evaluate tommy or maria as characters without factoring in part 2 and at this point there's enough difference that who knows where the show will go with tommy and maria in s2, so, it's all kinda fair game imo

the university scene felt a bit rushed but i guess there really isn't that much to do there when you're not rearranging dumpsters and killing infected. it was the first time the show felt notably rushed to me, and i suspect that feeling will get worse in the back third of the show. ah well.

joel's injury and the fight felt anticlimatic compared to the big action set piece of the game, BUT i think it worked much better in context (joel's explicit fears in this ep becoming manifest), and also, game joel's injury is sooooooooooo ludicrous and video game it just wouldn't work on tv lmao. i kind of wish we'd seen ellie land any of her shots on those guys, but i have my theories as to why we didn't. tbd

misc other thoughts:

diva cup scene... excellent. was worried about those musty tampons.

SALLY FUCKIN' RIDE lmaoooooo ellie. u lesbian. ilu

like everyone i was beyonce.gif DINA?!?!?!? in the cafeteria scene. 100% that was dina, there's no way it wasn't. it might not be the final cast actress (i can see them not wanting to cast a major role so far in advance for a cameo, and they have a time skip to justify any appearance changes), but as a character that was surely meant to be dina. ellie that's ur WOMAN

we're 10000% getting some other cameos in the finale. i'm ready 👀👀👀👀👀

lastly: can't wait for this weekend's episode. the one i've most anticipated. left behind DLC my beloved...

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Our Love Died

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy Summary: Dumped into a strange yet familiar world, Viktor falls back into some old habits- including losing contact with his siblings. Eventually, some years pass and they start finding him again. At that point he's not quite sure he wants them to, though. Warnings: Domestic abuse, abusive relationships, trans male pregnancy, childbirth, depression/anxiety, and transphobia Word Count: TBD (Chapter 1: 3,535) Chapter(s): TBD Ship(s): Viktor Hargreeves/Five Hargreeves

Archive link!

A/N: (fic notes) So I actually created an entirely different story and character off of labour and King by their respective artists and then I realized that it would fit really well into this kind of a fic as well. I decided I was just going to write it so I had another nice chaptered fic for TUA before the last season comes out. I'm going to leave a little disclaimer here: I have never been pregnant and I am not a trans man (I'm genderfluid, so still trans) so some things may not be entirely accurate. I'm also writing and uploading this at the same time so there might be some awkward plot holes or something throughout. I'm going to try my best to prevent that but please honor me with some grace if I don't manage it! I hope that you all enjoy this, I know I'm loving writing it so far. Make sure that you heed the tags, though, things do get pretty dark. Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <;3 (chapter notes) Here's chapter one! This is basically a complete rewrite of the last scene of the last episode of season 3. I tried to write every bit of dialogue directly from the show, so if things sound a little awkward it was probably a typo I didn't correct because I didn't want to go rewatch that scene again. Rewriting directly from a script is exhausting, after all, lol. I hope that you guys are enticed by this first chapter but if you're not, try sticking around to the second when the plot is gonna actually get started! Things are moving pretty slow for now but they'll pick up soon. Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

The first thing that Viktor saw when the elevator doors opened was a garden.

He hadn’t been in a lot of gardens when he was younger because it wasn’t something that Reginald put a lot of his time and energy into and then he had never sought them out as an adult around the monotony of his everyday life. He had to admit that it was an improvement to the accommodations that they had been staying in for the past week while they tried to sort out the third end-of-the-world.

It was dark, just as he thought it would have been when he was traveling in the hazy, half-asleep state during the ride up the elevator. The dimness wasn’t caused by the dark colored walls and lack of windows, however, but rather because at some point the sky had turned into night. The moon was hanging high in the sky, glinting pale silver-blue light down onto the earth with the help of the blinking stars. The sky was clear and bright, devoid of the heavy rain clouds that so often plagued The City. The color of the light reminded Viktor of the heavy power that slept inside of him, waiting to come forth and create another apocalypse like it had three lifetimes ago.

He tilted his head down so that he could take in what the garden actually looked like while his legs slowly carried him out of the elevator and into the cool night air. There was a gray cement path that led to a bust and plaque in the center of the main part of the garden. From it were several more paths, though it was hard to see where exactly they went because of the trees and shrubs that were obscuring the already dark view. He could just barely make out the vibrant green of the grass clashing with the darker shade of the neatly trimmed bushes along the paths. He thought that it was strange that there were no flowers, all of the books that Viktor had ever read as a child that contained gardens had them described as overflowing with different colors of petals.

Next to him, Lila giggled, “Cool.” It made sense that she would be able to process the weirdness that they had all just endured better than all of them. Viktor was probably handling it with the least amount of grace since he had never been a hero when the Umbrella Academy was active and thus hadn’t seen any of the weird powers or abilities that the villains the others fought possessed. The closest that he had gotten was just seeing his siblings train and listening to their exploits through the radio that Grace kept on when missions were underway. Lila, conversely, had grown up surrounded by time traveling assassins and flipped through many different periods in time with her mother. This was just another thing to add to her list of adventures instead of something that was emotionally shattering as it was to Viktor.

The sound of a police siren wailing in the distance was comforting and terrifying at the same time. The images of the police towering around the car that he had been trying to get his girlfriend and her son to safety in flashed through his mind, quickly followed by his nerves fraying just a little bit more at the memory of his electro-shock torture session. He flexed his hands at his side to try and get rid of the anxiety, something close to what he had used to do. His violin was nowhere in sight now, though, so it meant that he couldn’t pick it up and use that to get rid of the adrenaline-summoned energy.

All of those thoughts were pushed from his mind as soon as he turned properly and saw the towering figure of his brother. He short-circuited for a moment as the only thing that he could really process was the overwhelming joy about seeing the man he thought he had lost, just as he had lost Ben. Viktor was so used to mourning, to grief, that the joy surging through his body was foreign and addictive. 

“Luther?” he asked, breathless and awed. Viktor was barely even aware that his legs were moving as he made his way closer to the other. He was moving a little sluggishly, as if he was scared that if he made even a single wrong move then his brother would disappear again forever, just as he had done when Klaus summoned him during their fight. “Luther?” he asked again, which got the blond’s attention.

“Oh, shit,” Luther swore as a smile blossomed over his face. “You can see me?” he asked, pointing towards some of the others.

“Yes! Yes!” Viktor almost screamed as he threw his arms around his brother’s neck and shoulders to trap him there in a hug. 

“I’m alive?” Luther asked, his body almost vibrating with the shock of his realization.

Viktor and Luther had shared two hugs in their entire lives. They had never been terribly close as children since Reginald kept Viktor as far away from him as possible, both physically and mentally, while Luther had basically been on his coattails all the way up until the last year of his life. 

The first hug that they had ever shared was one of Viktor’s least favorite memories. He had been under the impression that he had just killed his sister with no reassurance from his then-boyfriend. It had felt so wonderful to be wrapped up in the arms of someone he had known and loved without anything in return. Then he had felt the air slowly being forced from his lungs, his body compressing in on itself while black spots danced in his vision. Then he had woken up in the soundproof room where the only thing he had for company was his own quickening heartbeat, watching as his siblings all abandoned him one by one again.

The second hug that the duo had shared was the one that they were having now. Luther’s arms stretched all the way around Viktor and he was so tall that he had to bend over at the waist to be able to loop around Viktor’s chest. He could tell that the other was holding back his strength significantly because this time it felt nothing like it had before. Luther was hugging him and holding him tightly enough that he could know for certain that the taller was there, but there was no pain, even as he got lifted into the air.

“Luther’s alive!” Klaus crowed in the background.

“Oh my God,” Lila breathed. It was odd how quickly she had been assimilated into the family and how deeply she cared for them all already, but they were the Hargreeves. Nothing about their family had ever been normal and nothing about it ever would, not that they would want it any other way.

“And that’s not all, big guy,” Viktor felt like he was going to explode with how many emotions were flowing through his system. Luther had since put him down on the ground and he was able to get a proper look at his brother, though it was already confirmed when he had been up in the air. He was staring at Luther’s chest and arms as he tried to come up with a way to phrase what was racing through his mind.

“Huh?” Luther asked before he gasped when he noticed it as well. “Holy shit, my body!” he brushed his hands over his chest and then looked down at his arms again. Where there had once been copious amounts of thick, wiry hair stretched out over grotesque, engorged muscles was nothing but pale skin with blond hair and lean muscle. “Wait, I look amazing!” he beamed as he realized what it really meant.

Jealousy and happiness mixed inside of Viktor until all he felt was nauseous. He knew that Luther had struggled with how he looked after the experiment that their father had performed on him to save the life Reginald himself had endangered. That much was evident from the way that Luther had hidden himself away in layers and layers of clothing when they had all first reunited. Viktor was very familiar with what it was like to feel uncomfortable in one’s body as that feeling had been magnified for him since he realized what his gender was. He wished that the transport to the new universe had given him a body that he felt more comfortable in, one that didn’t make him want to crawl out of his own skin when he caught himself in a reflective surface at just the wrong angle. At the same time, he couldn’t help but be happy for the gift that Luther had been given after everything he had been through.

Klaus wandered over to them in that stumble-walk that he had perfected when they were teenagers. Viktor had always been amazed he wasn’t tripping over himself more often, the same way that he would be if he tried that. “Luther’s all svelte now,” he commented as he touched his brother’s arm as well.

“Wait. I gotta show Sloane!” Luther beamed. It was heart warming to see him being so affectionate towards someone other than Allison. When they were younger, it was very disheartening to Viktor to try and pour so much love into his relationship with his brother only to be pushed to the side. Of course, back then, he hadn’t realized that Luther and Allison were romantically involved so the relationship he wanted was actually very different. Given everything that had happened with Allison in the last couple days, up to and including Luther’s death, it was a good thing that he had someone who adored him just as much as he did her.

The mention of the Sparrow hero was enough to make Viktor take attendance for everyone standing around in the garden. Lila and Diego were standing next to each other, so close that their shoulders were brushing against each other. Ben and Five were hanging around the bust in the center of the little garden path. Klaus was near Luther, who was standing in front the elevator still.

Five raised up his arm, fussing with his watch. “I got my arm back,” he informed them plainly like it wasn’t the best thing that had happened to him in decades.

“This is so cool. W-wait where’s Sloane?” Luther asked as he reached out towards Klaus for the information.

Surprisingly enough, the most chaotic member of the family actually did have an answer for him. “Oh, she was, uh… she was right behind me-”

“When Allison hit the bloody button,” Lila finished for him, gritting her teeth in anger.

“She’s gone too,” Diego groused.

Five began to walk towards one of the dark paths surrounding the small place of respite that they were in. His brows were furrowed and his face was pinched in that way that it always got when he was upset about something. “You know, I don’t know about you guys, but I haven’t felt this good in years,” Klaus said as he also turned his gaze towards the peaking city that they could see between the trees.

“Does anyone know where the Hell we are?” Ben asked.

Viktor felt his heart sink down into his stomach as he realized that it was the version of Ben that had come from the Sparrows despite none of the other Sparrows being with them. He had been hoping, after Luther had risen from the grave and stepped out of the elevator with them, that his long-dead brother would also return so that Viktor could apologize for using up the rest of his unlife energy. He figured that it made sense it would be that version of Ben, since he was the one that fought the final battle with them after they fucked up the timeline so that he existed in the first place.

“The hotel,” Lila quickly supplied before he could get in a fight with anyone. “Or at least, this is where it used to be.”

Five let out a breath, which really emphasized just how tired he was. “I think the old man did it. I think he reset the universe.”

Diego walked over so that he was standing in front of Lila with his hand up in front of her. She gasped as she held it in both of her own and said, “You got your fingers back!”

“Sloane? Sloane!” Luther called through the garden in a desperate attempt to find his wife.

Viktor could only stand there and watch his siblings interacting with each other as he tried to process everything that had happened. Something inside of him felt like it was missing, something that left him hollow and slightly damaged. He didn’t have time to unpack it now as tensions were already rising between the other family members.

Moving around the bust, Luther grabbed onto one of the lapels of Five’s suit jacket. “I don’t care about any resets, all right? I want my wife back. Where is she, Five?”

“I’m glad you’re alive, but please take your hand off me,” Five snarked. He was using that voice that he always did when he was upset about something or close to getting in a fight with someone. Viktor had heard it often when they were all going through the beginnings of puberty.

Anxiety began to rise inside of him as he realized that this could all go very badly very quickly if someone didn’t step in to stop them before they did something stupid. “Not until you give me an answer,” Luther threatened as he grabbed the other side of Five’s jacket so that he had no chance of escaping.

“Okay, screw this!” Five sassed back. He jerked to the side like he always did when he was getting ready to teleport, but this time he just fell limply back to where he had been before. A look of confusion took over his face and he glanced out around the garden as if that would somehow give him an answer. “Something’s wrong.”

“That’s right, something’s wrong, you’re about to get your ass kicked,” Luther snarled as he jerked his brother around again.

“Yeah, kick his ass,” Diego goaded.

“No, you moron,” Five seethed. The panic was beginning to make him mean, Viktor knew exactly how that felt. “My power. I can’t blink.”

“Yeah, right,” Diego said sarcastically as he got one of his knives out from the vest that he always wore. It was nice to see him in something other than black leather, even if the knives were probably going to exist with him throughout his entire life. Diego flipped the silver blade around his fingers once before it toppled down into the dirt below them. “That’s not good.”

Suddenly everything fell into place. Viktor glanced down at his hand as he raised it. He focused for a moment to try and pick up on the minute noises that existed everywhere in the world. It was only then that he realized that everything had been muffled since he had stepped out of the elevator. Hearing every tiny thing that was happening around him, even if it was accentuated only when he was off of his medication, had just been how he lived his life. He didn’t realize that the world was so quiet for everyone else until his power had been stolen from him. It explained the heavy emptiness that rested in his chest, right where the supernova of noise had been only an hour prior.

A few feet away, Klaus was waving his hand out in front of him as he said, “Okay… come on… Alakazam… ghosties.” Nothing happened. Ben strained with his hands clenched in fists out to the sides, but again there was nothing. “This means I’m mortal again? Aw, man,” Klaus whined as it became more and more obvious that they were ordinary.

“Wait, wait, wait. How do we get them back, you idiots?” Ben asked before anyone had the chance to do anything else.

“Shit,” Klaus groaned when no one was able to come up with any ideas. Reginald had told them so little about their powers that none of them knew where they came from, much less how they were supposed to get anything back.

“I gotta… I gotta go find my wife,” Luther said hoarsely. Viktor had enough breakdowns in his life to recognize that the other man was clinging to something that felt like it could still be tangible. They had all been through something deeply traumatic and painful on top of arriving in a strange world that they didn’t know well enough to tell if it was safe. Learning that their powers, which had been a constant for everyone other than Viktor, were gone had to be enough to make some of them deeply rattled.

Luther turned and began to walk down one of the paths to do as he said he was going to. Klaus turned after him and said, “No! Luther, you can’t go. You were dead ten minutes ago, you’re fragile.” He whirled back around to the rest of the family and said, “I gotta go after him.”

“No, wait, Klaus!” Diego tried to argue with his brother but at that point Klaus had already begun down the path after Luther. Despite what a lot of the public had thought when they were younger and actively acting as the Umbrella Academy, Klaus was the most stubborn out of all of the siblings. If he got an idea that he decided he just had to do, then he was going to do it come Hell or high water.

Ben was the next to leave, already stalking towards the other side of the park, “I’m out, bitches!”

A flare of panic unlike he had felt in a long time rang out in Viktor’s chest. Memories that were hazy with sedative and time flashed through his mind. All the times that they had left him for their training, all the times that they had been ushered into a car together while he had been left watching them out of a stained glass window, all the times that they had snuck out together and left him behind, played over the top of each other. “Guys, come on,” Viktor said desperately. “We should stick together and figure this out-”

“Well what are we supposed to do?” Diego asked, interrupting Viktor before he even had the chance to say what he was planning to. Too much of it felt like what it had been before Viktor had gotten his powers and had become too dangerous to ignore. 

They were all quiet for a second as Diego and Lila turned slightly towards each other. “Live our lives?” she suggested. Diego remained quiet as he obviously rolled the idea around his head. He then took her hand, weaving their fingers together, before he disappeared down another one of the paths.

Then it was just Five and Viktor, as it had been so often when they were children. The conversation that they had about other people being ants, which had given them some common ground now that they had shifted so much in their adult lives, rolled over in Viktor’s head again. He knew that it wasn’t true anymore since neither of them had the massive powers that they did when it took place, but he was still hoping that it would mean something.

He supposed that hope was his greatest flaw. Just like last time, Five turned on his heel and marched away from Viktor without saying anything. He disappeared into the dark foliage so that not even a glimpse of his back could be seen.

That morning at the dining room table, when Five had lurched away and thrown himself outside to try time traveling for the first time was a moment that replayed over and over again in Viktor’s mind. He always wondered, both now and when he had been a child, what would have happened if he had just had the balls to pull his brother back into his seat instead of just letting him go.

What was happening now felt so similar to that, that Viktor almost felt himself shrinking down into the demure version of himself that he hadn’t been in so long. Being off of the medication had let him feel free in a way that he had never before, and the idea of having to go back to that now that his powers were gone brought the panic that had been resting dormant in the back of his mind to the forefront of all his thoughts.

He paused for a moment to try and pick up on the sounds of footsteps and rustling leaves from where his siblings and Ben were now lost in the park, but there was nothing. He tilted his head down towards the bust of Reginald and gave his head a small shake. “Asshole,” he muttered.

Viktor turned and walked down the last remaining path so that he could get out of the park.

[chappell-roans]

ive felt similarly bad about emerald fennel because on one hand its great were getting more high profile female writers and directors i just wish they were better 🙃. people already critiqued saltburn for how empty it was and how it lacked depth and promising young women was a mixed bag and was carried by how topical and flashy it was.

I don't think greta is capable of putting out a bad movie but it might just have a lot of highs and lows. Id really love if she payed homage to the og movies and maybe had some cameos but im just hoping for something distinctly stylistic. im not sure what books they're exactly planning on adapting but we might end up getting a lot of unique movies set in the same universe which could be extremely interesting. I love franchises and connected universes I just think it fails when the execs start interfering too much like always lol.

Oh, I feel the same way about Emerald, I didn't really enjoy Saltburn much myself and PYW is... what it is. It had shock-factor more than anything. I agree about Greta, I think she's just idk how to say it but smarter and has more story sense than Emerald does. (Even with Barbie being messy, and I do think there was some interference, given the doll and major motion picture of it all, but who the hell knows and cares at this point tbh.) I feel like Greta already has a really interesting career but it's going to continue being interesting bc I don't think she's going to do just one thing. I mean I guess she's proven that already, her movies are all basically coming of age, but set in different times and even like fictional worlds. Trueee I always forget how many Narnia books there are. That could be very cool! I'm excited to see her dive more into fantasy tbh. Her stories so far have been quite grounded -- even Barbie. So it'll be interesting to see that translate into an actual magical world. (Barbie was, yes, but the real world and satire blah blah idk.)

But yeah. We shall see I guess.

Also can I note that it's interesting that both of these female directors we're talking about started as actors? And then Zoe Kravitz just wrote and directed a movie (Blink Twice). I know there are plenty from non-acting backgrounds, and there are plenty of male actors turned directors, but idk. I'd be curious if that continues to be a trend, whether they return to acting (Emerald has and I know Zoe will; TBD about Greta), because I feel like most do (Jodie Foster directs occasionally, for example). IDK. It just struck me.

[goldfades]

✮ 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, quinn hughes

you can hear it in the silence, silence, you you can feel it on the way home, way home, you you can see it with the lights out, lights out you are in love, true love you are in love

one step, not much but it said enough you kiss on sidewalks you fight and you talk one night he wakes strange look on his face pauses, then says you're my best friend and you knew what it was he is in love

you two are dancing in a snow globe, 'round and 'round and he keeps the picture of you in his office downtown and you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars

♡ ─ word count | 3.5k

♡ ─ summary | 3 times that quinn wanted to tell you he loved you, and the 1 time he finally did.

♡ ─ warnings | unedited (when are my works ever lol), mention of comparison between jack/quinn, exhaustion, slight angst??? but mostly tooth-rotting fluff, quinn overthinking, idk maybe there are more but nothing major LMAO

♡ ─ taglist | tbd!! check link in navigation if you are interested

♡ ─ ev's notes | this took WAY too long to write and lowkey not very proud of it, but i wanted to get it out before i start writing my fics for my 100 follower celly. i love quinny so much, he deserves the world and i hope this fic does him justice LMAO. ALSO THIS SONG MAKES ME FEEL SO FREAKING SICK, ITS SO GOOD. also now im noticing a theme on my page, only writing fics inspired by taylor songs, i need to switch it tf up. anyways, enjoy this slightly longer quinn fic & lmk your thoughts in the comments/reblogs. have a great day!

Quinn had never been the type to fawn over anyone ─ especially a girl.

In his 23 years of living, he can't remember a time where he was getting all excited and giddy over the mere thought of anyone. All he could ever remember was just focusing on family, hockey, friends.

Sure, there were flings ─ there were always flings but it would never end in anything more than that. It was just a fling. Sure, sometimes he would want something more but most of the times, the girls thought they were just getting themselves into a one-night stand. Two nights (never in a row) if they were lucky. But that was it.

Even if Quinn wanted a relationship (he doesn't, he would swear), he didn't have time for it. Family, hockey, friends ─ that was it. That's all he wanted.

Of course, that was all thrown out the window when he had met you.

Well, not initially. Quinn wasn't the 'love at first type' kinda guy and neither were you. Your first meeting was nothing out of the ordinary. Just a casual meeting at a friend's gathering, a few exchanged pleasantries, and nothing more.

Yet, something about you stuck with him. It was your sweet smile, maybe, or the way your eyes just looked kind and they would light up when you were asked about your job, or your family. Quinn couldn't pinpoint exactly when it happened, but at some point, he found himself thinking about you when he should have been focused on his next game or practice.

His friends noticed the change in him. His younger brothers had noticed the small change and would tease him. "Hey, Q, what's up with you? You've been awfully distracted lately," Quinn could just imagine the stupid grin etched on Jack's face as he spoke those words.

Quinn, normally quick with a witty retort, found himself at a loss for words. He knew he was in new territory; he had never, ever in his life been overthinking about a girl. For the first time, hockey or family or friends weren't the only thing on his mind.

As days turned into weeks, Quinn's feelings grew stronger. He'd catch himself daydreaming about you during team meetings or staring at his phone, waiting for your texts back. He would go look at your instagram multiple times a day, waiting for a new post to go up just so he could see that pretty smile of yours but somehow, he was never satisfied with just that. For once in his whole life, he had wanted to actually get to know a girl based on one meeting and a couple of texts. It was maddening, this feeling of being drawn towards someone in a way he had never experienced before.

He also couldn't ask any of his buddies for advice because all he'd get was teasing so he had to keep it to himself, which somehow made this entire situation so much worse.

Then finally, there was that one night. You were both at another gathering, the same friends, the same laughter, but this time something shifted. You shared a small inside joke, a quick glance, and Quinn felt his heart race in a way that no slapshot or overtime goal had ever made it race before. He felt a surge of contradictory emotions during that one-second moment, a mix of anxiety and excitement that overwhelmed him. It was a sensation so intense that he wanted to vomit, yet strangely, it was different from the kind of feelings he had experienced before ─ it was not because of hockey, it was a girl. No, you weren't just a girl to him anymore, he realized. You were much more than that to him now.

As he drove home that night, he couldn't deny it anymore. He was falling for you, and it terrified him. Love was a complicated thing, one he had always sworn to avoid, but now he was caught in it's tight grasp all because of you.

The following days were a whirlwind of emotions. Quinn, who had always been the composed defenseman on the ice, found himself stumbling over words and second-guessing every move he made when it came to you. He couldn't concentrate during practice, and his teammates couldn't understand what had gotten into him and if he was being honest, neither did he.

But one thing was clear - Quinn Hughes was in love, and he didn't know how to handle it. He realized that his carefully constructed world of family, hockey, and friends had been upended by the presence of one person ─ you.

And so, this journey begins - three times Quinn wanted to tell you he loved you, and the one time he finally did.

──

ONE

──

After what seemed like the longest practice of his entire life, Quinn trudged back to his apartment, exhaustion weighing down every step. The weight of expectations from his teammates and fans pressed on his shoulders. Today wasn't his day; his passes were off, shots missed the mark, and he stumbled more than once during drills. Even coach had given him some constructive criticism, which usually wouldn't have bothered him, but today it felt like salt in the wound.

As he entered his home, he was ready to collapse onto the couch and shut out the world. As he collapsed on his soft couch, he groaned out in pain, the soreness in his muscles somehow hurt more than usual. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, until he heard the familiar buzzing of his phone in the pocket of his shorts. He cursed under his breath and pulled it out but all the anger seemed to slowly dissipate as he saw your name and contact picture spayed out on the screen.

Then he remembered. Tonight was supposed to be date night for the both of you. He cursed again before answering the phone, sitting upright on the couch.

"Hey," he answered breathlessly, the exhaustion clear in his voice.

"Hey, Quinn I'm outside─you okay?" You say through the phone but before he could answer, you continued. "Shit, sorry Quinn is this a bad time? I know you just had practice and probably tired, I should've texted but you know, I was so excited─"

"No, no, no. Come up, I'm fine I'm not tired." He was lying and you both knew it, but you sighed through the speaker. "Please, come up. I want you here."

"Okay... promise?"

"Promise, Y/N." He said your name so softly, it made your heart flutter and you couldn't help but smile.

"Okay. I'll be up in two secs," You said. "Bye."

The phone call ended and Quinn exhaled. He was tired, sure ─ but he was excited to see you. Even the sound of your voice made him relax so it wasn't even that much of hassle having a date night. If anything, he was sure, you'd make him feel better.

He quickly changed his clothes and he heard the doorbell ring. Quinn opened the door with a tired smile ─ it slowly spread as he saw your pretty smile. He felt his heart speed up as you slowly examined him, and that smile slowly dropped.

"Quinn..." You whispered, a small frown on your face. His disheveled appearance made you slightly sad.

You both made eye contact for a few seconds before you sighed and walked in, your arms wide open. You embraced him warmly, putting your arms around his shoulders and squeezed him softly.

As your arms enveloped him in a warm, comforting embrace, Quinn felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. Your presence had a way of soothing his mind. The subtle scent of your floral shampoo, the softness of your warm touch, it all wrapped around him pleasantly.

He closed his eyes, letting himself bask in the tenderness of the moment. Your fingers traced gentle circles on his back, and it was as if you were silently reassuring him that it was okay to have bad days because you'd be there to catch him.

You pulled away, your eyes met again, and he saw genuine concern in your gaze. That alone was enough to make his heart skip multiple beats. Quinn couldn't quite put it into words, being around you was like like returning to the warm embrace of home.

He wanted to utter those three special words as he met your gaze, your kind eyes but the words slowly died on his tongue as you continued talking, taking his hand in yours.

"Let's go eat some ice cream and watch Top Gun." You smiled, knowingly.

He laughed softly and nodded, squeezing your hand. "Sounds like a plan."

──

TWO

──

The moon cast a soft glow through the white curtains as you and Quinn sat together in his dimly lit living room in comfortable silence. The day had been long, filled with its usual chaos and pressures, but now, the world was still. The only sounds were the faint hum of the city outside and the occasional car passing by.

With a sigh, Quinn leaned back into the couch, his exhaustion evident in expression. You watched him closely, sensing the weight of the day on his shoulders. Your relationship had grown stronger over the span of a couple months and you had become his confidante, the one he turned to when he needed to escape from the demands of the team and fans.

Practice had been harder than usual and somehow, on top of all of that, the media had initiated a new trend of drawing comparisons between him and Jack, which made his mood worse.

You knew that; watching Quinn get slowly demotivated by the comments made by those nobodies, it hurt your heart. Breaking the silence, you softly asked, "Quinn, how are you really holding up?"

He looked at you, his gaze wavering at your soft eyes. There was something about the way you looked at him, a warmth and understanding that he had rarely found in anyone else. It was as if you could see right through him, past the tough exterior he often wore.

For a moment, he hesitated, unsure of how much to reveal. He almost gave you the media-trained answer but then, he realized that with you. "Not sure, if I'm being honest."

"That's fine, Quinn." You answered softly, "you don't have to know. But what I do what you to know is that you're not Jack. You're not Luke, or Trevor, or anyone else. You're you and that's enough."

That simple answer made him halt all his thoughts. He felt his shoulders slowly drop, letting out a loud exhale. He felt a sense of relief wash over him, as if a heavy burden had been lifted.

With empathy in your eyes, you couldn't help but feel the toll it was taking on him. The Quinn you saw now, weary and vulnerable, was a side he rarely showed to anyone.

Quinn's voice wavered as he spoke about the comments that everyone had been making on the media. "It's just... they don't understand, Y/N. They don't see the hours of practice, the sacrifices, the love I have for this game. All they see is Jack's brother, or one of the Hughes brothers."

You reached out and gently placed a hand on his arm, comfortingly. "Quinn, I see you. I see the hard work, the dedication, and the love you have for hockey. And I believe in you. You might be just Jack's brother or just another Hughes to them, but that doesn't matter to me. I see Quinn and you know what, that's enough. And if it isn't enough for them, then fuck them."

His eyes met yours, and there was a vulnerability in that eyes that spoke volumes. In that moment, Quinn realized that he was sharing not just his struggles, but his true self with you. It was a level of trust and intimacy he hadn't experienced with any girl before.

The silence that followed was a comforting one, filled with unspoken understanding. It was as if you were his anchor in the storm, a source of encouragement and warmth. Quinn couldn't help but think that he was lucky to have you by his side, someone who saw him for who he truly was, beyond just hockey player or another Hughes brother, beyond the expectations.

As he held your kind gaze, Quinn couldn't help but think that he wanted to say something more, something that would convey the true depth of his feelings. But for now, he settled for a heartfelt confession: "You're my best friend."

──

THREE

──

The frenetic buzz of the post-game celebrations following a thrilling overtime victory against the Toronto Maple Leafs, Quinn found himself into another arena, one of bright lights and microphones. His heart still raced from the intensity of the game, but now, he had to face the media. The sweat dripped from his forehead, his heart was still beating from the intensity of the adrenaline in his system.

The victory had been hard-fought, Quinn playing a pivotal role in securing it. The puck on his stick, he executed great moves, the slide of the ice beneath his skates, the thud of the puck hitting the net, the eruption of cheers all merging into a thrilling crescendo of sensations made his head buzz with excitement.

The reporters, with cameras flashing and microphones thrust forward, surrounded him like a hungry vultures. They fired questions, one after another, probing for insights into the game-changing play that had secured the win for the Vancouver Canucks.

"Quinn, that last-minute save in overtime was incredible! Can you walk us through what was going on in your mind?"

"Quinn, there's been a lot of buzz with your brother, Jack Hughes. How does it feel to outshine him tonight?"

"You've been compared to some of the greats tonight. How do you handle the pressure of those comparisons?"

"Quinn, your family's here tonight, right? How does their support affect your game?"

"Quinn, fans are calling this one of the best games of your career. Do you think this win is the turning point for the Canucks this season?"

The questions all blurred in his head, the bright lights straining his eyes. Quinn, used to these post-game interviews, felt a distinct unease tonight even after such a big win. The questions were sharp and the scrutiny was intense. In the midst of this media frenzy, he sought solace in the one thing that always brought him strength: you.

He remembers seeing you in the stands before the game and his mind kept replaying those few seconds where you shared a big grin as you both made eye contact.

Amidst the crowd of reporters, he spotted you, your presence radiating pride and warmth. Your eyes locked onto his, and for a moment, it felt like it was just the two of you in the arena. You gave him a big thumbs up with a big grin, knowing how anxiety inducing those post-game interviews could be. Quinn longed to speak the words that danced at the tip of his tongue but he knew he had to navigate this sea of questions first.

──

This week had to be the longest of Quinn's life. The 3 hour, 5 am pre-season practices had been so tiring, he felt the life get sucked out of him after every exhausting practice. There was one thing he had been looking forward to and that was your date night. Even though he knew that he would have do this week over again practically the next week, he was okay with it knowing that he would be able to spend some time with you over the weekends.

As Friday night finally arrived, Quinn couldn't help but feel a sense of relief and excitement. The thought of spending time with you, of being himself without the pressures of anyone else, filled him with a sense of comfort.

He had suggested a new restaurant downtown, a place neither of you had been before. As you both entered the restaurant, the soft piano ambience and the chatter created the perfect atmosphere. Quinn couldn't help but steal a few glances at you, admiring your beauty and the easy way you fit into his world.

You had worn your hair back in a low bun, showing off your sweet collarbone, a pretty necklace that Quinn had bought for you on a trip hanging off it. It was a silver color and the jewel a beautiful deep blue color that brought out your angelic eyes. Quinn couldn't help but stare and you felt your face burn with heat as you caught his loving gaze.

"What, is there something on my face?"

He chuckled, shaking his head. "No, no. You just look beautiful, like always. I like that necklace, wonder who bought it for you."

You giggled in response, feeling slightly giddy. You couldn't even lie, Quinn had you in a trance. You were head over heels. "Yeah, I wonder who."

The rest of the night was spent like this ─ sweet and teasing, it all felt right. Everything just felt right, it was if the last week hadn't happened. Every problem just slowly faded every time either of you spent time together, no matter how big or small it was.

After dinner, you decided to take a walk out in town. The summer air was unusually cool, the lights of the city perfectly setting the atmosphere for the night.

Quinn held your hand, your softer and smaller hand fitting his like a glove. You both walked through the town, talking and laughing like you two were the only people in the world.

As you both passed a bar, your ears filled with the familiar tune of your favorite song. You immediately stopped and looked at Quinn knowingly. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe it's playing!"

Quinn let out a soft chuckle, nodding. "Wanna go in?"

You ignored his question and started lip syncing the lyrics to him, playfully. He started laughing even louder, letting his head fall back. You had started laughing, too ─ then, you took his hand in yours and started dancing.

If it this was anyone else, Quinn would've been slightly embarrassed but as he saw your eyes sparkling and your wide small, he truly couldn't feel anything but love. He had a smile on his face as he grabbed you and pulled you closer, dancing happily with you.

As the song ended, another started playing. 'You are in love' by Taylor Swift had started playing and Quinn almost let out a laugh at the coincidence. You looked back at him, a deep blush gracing on your face. He took your hand again and pulled you closer, and you put you put arms around his broad shoulders.

You both looked into each other's eyes and he took account of how beautiful you looked in this moment ─ you always looked beautiful, no matter when or where or to who, it was just a fact. But you looked more than just physically beautiful, everything about you was perfect, your flaws, your smile, just everything.

And that was when Quinn really knew, in his bones that you were the one for him.

"What?" You whispered, as you saw Quinn's expression changed slowly. He loved that too ─ how empathetic you were, how in sync you both were. You always knew what he was feeling.

You asked, but you knew what the answer was.

"I think ─ no..." His words died on his tongue as your expression changed too. "I know it. I love you."

It didn't feel like a big confession. It didn't feel how everyone described it to be, it just felt like a normal statement. You both had thought it before, multiple times ─ so saying it out loud wasn't a big confession to either of you.

He loved that, he was so used to everything being so big and grand, he wanted it simple. He loved that and he loved you.

You could see it in his eyes, too. His eyes were softened as he gazed at you, like he always looked at you. But this time, you acknowledged it more. He loved you. Quinn loved you. As you gazed into his brown eyes, your heart swelled with a deep sense of connection. You had known, just like he did, that this feeling existed between you. It wasn't born out of big gestures or dramatic confessions; instead, it had quietly grown, nourished by the everyday moments you shared.

As the song ended softly, you let out a breath you didn't know you were even holding. "Yeah. I know I love you, too."

His smile got impossibly bigger and then, he leaned in and gave you the biggest of kisses ─ the dramatic ones, too. He had your face in his hand, the other one holding on your waist and you pulled him closer with your hands.

You felt his mouth smirk as you both sloppily made out. You laughed into the kiss but neither of you pulled away. Neither of you liked PDA but this time, it felt right.

-> make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated! <-

thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[steamishot]

late-late april

blogging more frequently as i'm on edge and stressed out these days.

job situation

last week, we received notice that matt got an offer from southbay. i initially was so happy because i can see us settling down there, as it's coastal, diverse, more or less affordable, and i would have family closeby. both sets of our parents are a hard yes on southbay vs west LA. however, matt was considering which location has a better schedule/better patient demographics, which may be west LA. this also means that my commute to the office would be great. decision is TBD.

i get impatient and frustrated that during times like these, where we have good news and things can get rolling, we still have to factor in that matt's working his usual 7-12s and it's almost impossible to have a decent serious conversation about this until his off week. learn patience, my inner child.

based off of what we are hearing, kaiser works you pretty hard (we're unsure of what that means coming from nyc aka hustle culture). surely, the medicine work culture can't be worse in laid-back LA than it is in NYC, can it? for this reason, i'm hoping that the pasadena job comes through, since it offers the best work-life balance.

health

i had blood in my stool twice this month again. as it's the 4th consecutive month it has happened, i started to spiral and google my symptoms to the point where i convinced myself i may have colorectal cancer.

matt reassured me that it is just internal hemorrhoids, based off of what i've been eating: acidic, fatty, and spicy foods. besides the small amount of bright red blood, i'm overall energetic (i bike, do yoga), my weight has increased, and i have no pain: which are all good signs that it's nothing serious. i just have to work harder at maintaining a better and more bland diet, which includes eating out less.

i learned that my brother has a similar GI issue for the last few years, but his is more related to a low-fiber diet and lots of constipation. it's reassuring that it runs in the family and hearing it from a 3rd person perspective, it doesn't sound serious. he plans on getting a colonoscopy in may just to rule anything out.

hobbies

i signed up for an 8 week class at a brooklyn ceramics studio, which starts this upcoming sunday. i'm excited! i've been using the little plates i've made and it's a special feeling to eat from your own creations

painting: tonight will be the last acrylics painting class. overall, i think this class is OK - it's more for self expression, and chit-chatting. it's cool in that i get to listen to other girls chat, but i re-learned i'm not exactly a people person and would rather have a more structured instruction-focused class. i'm known as the girl who paints food.

yoga: consistent and doing well! more instructors have been recognizing me and they know my name. i got to support matty in the house of flow yesterday, and he was so happy that many people from different parts of his life came out to support him that we even got a group photo.

piano: haven't touched it in months LOL, but continuing to study music on duolingo.

biking: the weather is consistently bearable now! i was able to get a space in the premium bike room so now it's easier access to the exit. i don't have to lug my bike up and down the elevator/a few stairs and keep it in our apartment anymore. i'd rather avoid taking subways, so i love having a bike as an option to get around.

family

my SIL and baby have returned from cambodia last week with her parents. i hooked her up with priority pass so that she could take her family to lounge.

my dad and his friend decided last minute that they wanted to take a short trip to dubai during their time in cambodia. so, i helped book flights and hotels for them. my dad has really been utilizing priority pass and i'm proud of him that he's able to navigate the airport system quite well. this time, he flew eva and lounged in taipei. on the trip to dubai, he lounged in phnom penh and then in singapore. then he lounged in dubai and again in singapore before returning to PP. he's now on his way home and got to lounge again in PP and taipei before returning to LA. he told me he felt like a "business man" and this made me really happy.

friends

i feel ready to move back and "abandon" my NYC friends lol. S&I have really been busy, so even though we live in the same city, we only see each other once a month or less. it makes me feel like there's no difference in living here vs LA since we don't meet up as often anymore. this is definitely my preferred frequency anyway, but i just want to have a larger pool of community again. maybe subconsciously, S is distancing herself as well because she knows i'm leaving.

T has been having a lot of boy issues recently because of A, but hasn't had good romantic luck in this city since she has arrived 2+ years ago. instead, she mentioned regretting moving here and wanting to leave because of how hard everything is.

on this note, i just recently finished the show women in taipei on hulu and loved it. it follows a woman from age 23-40 living life in taipei (the NYC equivalent in taiwan). it was a roller coaster of feelings, and i loved watching her mature. it seemed like a pretty realistic portrayal of life in a big city, like nothing was over-dramatized but her life was dramatic as is.

[sdottkrames]

Queen of Hearts: A Mentalist Fic

@comfortember Prompt 2: First day/night.

Summary: A year with Jane and Lisbon’s little girl. (Spoiler alert: everyone is in love).

Notes:  This is a two part fic. Chapter Two will be up towards the end of this month, so stay tuned!

Read it on AO3: here

Again, if anybody would like to be tagged, let me know. I hope you enjoy!

Day One

Teresa woke up that morning, normal as anything. Patrick was already up as per usual, sipping his special tea. He shot her a happy, golden smile, making her heart melt. She wandered over to him, running her hand through his curls.

“Good morning,” he murmured, and handed her a cup of coffee, just the way she liked it. Somehow, he always made it better. She had a theory that he hid some really expensive coffee somewhere, but she knew he’d never tell her if she asked, and knew better than to try and find it. She’d never be able to outwit Patrick.

She sipped her coffee and smiled over the rim. “Hey.”

It was a quiet moment. Sweet, simple, and full of love. But then it was shattered with the sensation of water running down her legs. Teresa nearly choked on her coffee.

“Teresa, you alright?”

She shot him a look filled with terror, and placed a hand on her stomach. Her brain was short circuiting. She’d faced serial killers, guns, and knives without hardly a blink. But delivering a baby? Very new territory.

Patrick understood the message, and understood her inner panic. He quickly led her to their bedroom where he threw her some sweatpants and grabbed the overnight bag they packed a week ago while she changed.

She focused on breathing through the fear and pain as Patrick sped to the hospital, surprised to find she was grateful for his erratic driving for once.

At 1:37 PM, Cameron Angela Jane came into the world. She had eyes like her father and hair like her mother. Patrick cried, Teresa cried, Cameron cried (of course). In short, there were a lot of tears.

Teresa and Patrick had gone back and forth on names for a long time. She had wanted, of course, to honor Patrick’s late wife or daughter somehow, but Patrick had also been insistent on honoring Teresa’s family. They decided on Cameron, after Teresa’s mother, and Angela, after Jane’s wife. There had been tears then, too.

Aside from the first few minutes, Cameron was surprisingly quiet for a baby. Once she had been bathed and nestled into her mother’s arms, she settled instantly. The doctors had her nurse right away, and the little girl was asleep within seconds once her stomach was filled.

Teresa felt her heart shifting and swelling to make room for this beautiful, precious baby like her stomach had done for 9 months before.

She couldn’t take her eyes away.

“She’s so perfect,” she whispered, sniffling back a few tears.

“I know,” a quiet voice beside her said softly, and Teresa looked over at the only person that could possibly make her happier than the little bundle in her arms. Patrick.

“We did a good job, didn’t we?”

“Well, you did most of it, love,” he grinned, his eyes so filled with happiness and love, in such stark contrast to the sadness and bitterness that had filled them when she first met him.

She offered him the bundle of blankets, and watched tears fall as he took their daughter ever so gently and stared at her with such adoration and wonder.

Patrick tore his eyes away to look at Teresa again, and the hospital bed squeaked as she shifted to let him climb into it with her, carefully maneuvering so he didn't wake his precious cargo. She snuggled right up against his side, laying her head on his shoulder with a happy sigh. Feeling whole, and content, and incredibly exhausted, she let her eyes droop.

Patrick noticed, observant as ever, and gently kissed her forehead. “You should rest,” he whispered, and quietly started to hum until both his girls were sleeping peacefully.

One Month

Patrick and Teresa moved around each other like a practiced machine. Cameron (or Cammy, as they’d taken to calling her) was sleeping. But only for about another 45 minutes. They needed to get everything done before their world became completely absorbed by Cammy again.

Not that they would complain. They had created a habit of watching her sleep when they were supposed to be sleeping, missing precious time because they only got three hours at a time. .

“What is it about babies sleeping that’s so cute?” Teresa had asked one night as they stared at their sleeping daughter, twin looks of adoration on their faces.

“I don’t know. I was the same way with Charlotte, though. I’d stay awake all night just watching her sleep if Angela didn’t pull me to bed.”

He’d been talking about his family more lately, Cammy brought up memories of another little baby girl, and Teresa gave his hand a squeeze. She was relieved to see no sadness on his face, just wistful memories, and then Cammy yawned and he melted, and even the wistfulness faded.

But it wasn’t bedtime. It was naptime, and they were in mission mode.

Since bringing Cammy home, their normally (relatively) clean house had been a mess. Dishes left in the sink for days at a time, baby toys and blankets and diapers littering the floor, and their laundry hamper overflowing. But they developed a system, and Saturdays’ naps are for cleaning house.

Patrick grabbed the laundry from their room (tip toeing past the nursery) and Teresa took it from him with practiced precision as he continued down the hall to the kitchen. Once the wash was going, she started picking up the living room.

They finish and collapse onto their couch with 10 minutes to spare.

“We’re getting better,” Patrick murmured, sliding down so his head was in his wife’s lap and his legs hung over the armrest. Her hands started running through his curls of their own accord and he smiled softly as his eyes drooped.

The peaceful moment was broken 5 minutes later as cries began to erupt from the nursery, and Patrick immediately sat up. “I got her.”

While Teresa relaxed back into the couch, Patrick made his way down the hallway.

“Hey, little dove. Good morning!” he cooed as he opened the door.

The nursery had become one of his favorite rooms in the house. The walls were a beautiful, light mint blue, which made the white furniture and curtains stand out. (He’d insisted on the blue. It was Charlotte’s favorite color.) He picked up the sniffling baby from her crib and laid her on the floor to change her diaper.

“How’s my little angel, huh? Did you have a good nap?”

Cammy cooed in response, and Patrick couldn’t help but coo back. He smiled at his daughter. (His daughter!) And then something amazing happened.

She smiled back.

Forgetting about the diaper, Patrick called “Teresa! Come here!” He winces when he heard her running, panicked by the urgency in his tone.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to alarm you, but…she smiled at me! Her first smile!” he said excitedly, gesturing to their still bottom-naked little girl, who was flailing happily on the floor.

Teresa smiled at her baby. “Did you smile at your daddy, huh?”

Cammy’s nose wrinkled as she smiled again, this time directing her smile at her mother. Both her parents smiled back.

Three Months

Cameron had her mother and father completely wrapped around her finger. They both loved her more than they thought it possible to love anyone and would give the world to her if they could.

But that didn’t mean they didn’t want to hand her to someone else to deal with sometimes, too...particularly when she started screaming at 3 in the morning.

“Patrick, your daughter’s awake.”

“No, we both know she wants you, not me. She’s going through a phase ,” he mumbled, turning over in bed to face his wife, his eyes still determinedly shut. “And I got her last time, anyway.”

Teresa groaned as she got up for the third time that night, padding over to the bassinet at the foot of their bed.

Cammy had been sleeping through the night for the last month, much to the amazement and excitement of her parents. She’d nurse before she went to bed, then Teresa would nurse her before she and Patrick went to sleep, and she would be good for about 6 hours. But lately, she had been determined to not sleep for more than two hours at a time.

To top it off, she had, as Patrick complained, been going through a phase where she only wanted her mother. If Patrick so much as looked at her in the middle of the night, she cried impossibly louder until he handed her to Teresa, then she settled down into her normal volume of crying (which, spoiler alert, was still very loud).

In short, Teresa was exhausted.

“Cammy, I love you, but you are making me crazy!” she muttered, picking up the squalling baby.

When the same thing happened the next night, and the night after that, Teresa started to get really desperate. She’d had rough nights before, sure. Calls in the middle of the night to go to a crime scene, nightmares (hers and Jane’s), even getting up with her brothers when she was still at home raising them. But this had hit another level.

And Patrick could tell.

He tried, of course. He tried to get Cammy and pick her up, but nothing he did stopped her from crying. The only way any of them got any sleep was when he gave in and handed her to Teresa. He had no idea what to do, and it was a strange feeling.

Then he got an idea.

It came to him suddenly. Everyone loves to drive with me , he’d joked once to Cho. Driving had always been soothing to him, and he remembered Angela mentioning a friend had driven around to soothe her baby once. Cammy always fell asleep during car rides, anyway.

So, the next time Cammy started screaming, he quickly hopped out of bed and slipped on some shoes.

“I’m going to take her for a drive, see if that helps,” he said to answer the confused look his wife shot him. “Go back to sleep.”

She nodded gratefully and sank back into her pillows.

“Alrighty, little terror, you’re coming with me.”

Cammy protested her car seat. Loudly. But Patrick persisted, refusing to lose a battle to a 3 and a half month old. Once she was buckled, he began to drive. He didn’t pay much attention to where he was going, just hummed along to the classical music he had put on hoping to soothe his daughter.

Slowly, her cries decreased in volume, then turned to whimpers, then stopped altogether.

“Hey, princess, there you are,” he cooed at her, catching her eye in the rearview mirror. To his relief, Cammy shot him a gummy smile instead of her usual angry yell. “Oh, a smile, huh. Thank you. This car ride thing must really be working.”

He turned onto another street, then another, mostly paying attention to the way Cammy’s eyes started drooping and her head started lolling against the side of the car seat. She tried to fight it. Every so often, her eyes would close, and she’d determinedly open them again. But soon she had to give in.

“Finally,” Patrick sighed when her eyes closed and stayed that way. He glanced at the clock. 4:37.

After a few more minutes of driving around to ensure she really was asleep, he made his way back to their house and parked the car, but didn't get out. A car was definitely not the worst place he’d slept, and he didn’t want to chance taking Cammy out and waking her up. Besides, if she stayed in the car with him, Teresa could finally get more than 3 hours of rest.

Soon, he drifted off to the quiet sounds of Mozart and the snuffling sounds his daughter made, and decided they were some of his favorite sounds to go to sleep to.

[wanderingcas]

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