#what the fuck is this sick twisted desire to put characters into situations?

[fedorah-the-explorah]

someone who isn't me should put carmen through horrible agony ❤️

[welcometothelairofthebitchking]

Why it's funny to me that people give Way sooo much shit but think Charlie is the best thing that ever happened to Babe:

Okay so first of all, I am NOT a Way apologist. That boy is crazy and sick in the head and a very deep shade of red when it comes to red flags, but the thing is? Charlie isn't that much better?? Im not even talking about the 'Charlie faked his death and it hurt babe' part. I don't even really care about that. I'm talking about up to episode 8. Because at least up until the moment that Way snapped and tried to actually r*pe babe, the things he and charlie were doing weren't that different. 'Oh but Way used his powers on Babe and brainwashed him and controlled his whole life.' Exactly. Way used the privilege Babe gave him to get close to him whenever he wanted, to put his hand on his shoulder, and use his power on him to steer things in the direction he wanted. Each time Babe thought his best friend was being affectionate, he was actually being abused in the worst way possible. Babe trusted him with his love and the power to come close and touch his body whenever he wanted, and Way took advantage of it.

And you know who else did that? Charlie did. He did the exact same thing. Actually, I can even take the paragraph above and replace the words:

Charlie used the privilege Babe gave him (long term sexual contant never shared anyone else, cuddling in the bed and touching throughout the night, the kiss oh my god the kiss) to get close to him whenever he wanted, to put his hands on his body, and use his power on him (aborbe everything) to steer things in the direction he wanted (the grand plan, am I right? The one him and Jeff worked soooooo hard on). Each time Babe thought his sex buddy/lover was being affectionate, he was actually being abused in the worst way possible. Babe trusted him with the power to come close and touch his body whenever he wanted, and Charlie took advantage of it.

'But he did it to protect Babe'. That does not matter. Babe isn't a child. Charlie doesn't get to decide to protect him without asking his opinion. Babe is an adult. He can make his own choices. Moreover, his senses have been with him all his life. They shape his whole identity and who he is. Actually, given his fucked up childhood and how he was raised, given that his whole career and number 1 'identity' depend on them (because it wasn't just a number 1 spot, it was who he was. Pit babe always wins. Pit babe won't be pit babe if he loses.), Babe probably thought most of his worth comes from his senses. He said that once, that he's not sure he'd be worthy if he doesn't have his senses (and here the point isn't that he would be worthy, it's that HE thinka that)

And charlie just comes and? Decides to take them? Decides to take the whole identity of someone he 'loves' in order to 'protect' them without giving them a choice or even explanation?? That's fucked up. When I got to that point of the series, I legit thought this is a kind of r@pe, and worse than the sexual kind.

So the thing is, what he did was fucked up. It doesn't matter what his motivation was. I'm sure that Way too actually thought r@ping Babe and putting a baby inside him by force is the best way for both of them too. Which, obviously, bonkers, but my point is that your intentions don't cancel out the harm.

Everyone in this show treat Babe as some sort of object or kid that doesn't know what is good for him. No one gives him a choice while it's literally HIS life. They just come in and use him and his trust. They just manipulate him and lie to him, and no one considers how much that would HURT.

And you know what the real difference between Way and Charlie is? Obv. That charlie is 'selfless' and does everything for babe rather than the sake of his own desires/safety, but I assure you a writer can twist that. I can easily write the same situations and characters (up until chapter 8), and this time make charlie the red flag. In a case like this, the real difference is the way the narrative guides you and your emotions along, and the most important part in that is Babe himself. It's about who babe chooses to forgive. Who he decides to stay with despite the hurt. It's not about choosing between a saint and a red flag, but choosing between two people who have hurt you. And you choose the one who you love so much, you would keep hurting for.

And that's the beauty of it. Despite what this might come off as, I'm not a charlie hater. Not at all. I like him and babe together actually. I like Way too. And I love all of them because they are incredibly fucked up people trying to do what they think is right and I find the struggle interesting. My point is that, we are too fixated on finding a green flag and a red flag and choosing between them, when in situations like this, when all characters have been through hell, there will be no green flag. You can't rip a person apart and then bitch about them being red like blood can be any other color.

My point in making this wasn't to say charliebabe is abusive or toxic. It can be at points, but my point isn't that. What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't fall into the trick of the narrative. You shouldn't decide a person is good and saint like just because their intentions were good or because they're the one the protegonist choses. You shouldn't ignore the hurt they do. The show moved sooooo fast from what was the biggest betrayal to me and I don't see anyone talking about it, simply because Babe decided to forgive and forget and the narrative pretended everything was perfect with a mama joke and a hug

[bunnykawa]

i’m better than you! (oikawa x f. reader)

summary: If there was one thing Oikawa hated more than geniuses, it was your boyfriend.

a/n: thought about oikawa with a glock and it had me feeling some type of way. so here’s 6.2k words of what’s been in my head. also if you love iwa-chan, i’m deeply sorry. (btw someone replied to my last fic saying they were gonna move to the states with iwa-chan and...yeah that was funny cs this was sitting my drafts) 

warnings: 18+, yandere themes, implied character death, mentions of blood/gore, GUNPLAY!!, violence, noncon/dubcon/rape, little bit of exhibitionism?, mentions of cheating, brief mentions of stalking, abusive language/cursing

Oikawa didn’t know when it started.

It could’ve been the first time he ever saw you in school, so quiet and shy, with a pink tinge across your face when you glanced in his direction. Or it could’ve been the first time you spoke to him, with a little tremble to your lips as you struggled to form the right words that would leave a lasting impression. Maybe it was when he started noticing you were always attending his volleyball games, cheering on your school with a big stupid grin on your face.

Or maybe it was a mixture of all these little moments that made Oikawa feel what he felt. It didn’t matter what started it. All Oikawa really knew was that he was so in love with you. 

You ended up spending so much time together and blossoming such a beautiful friendship that others didn't expect to happen. It was a dream for him—seeing you smile and laugh, not caring about how you looked. And when you would tease him, it would make him laugh rather than upset him. Yes, he loved you for that. He loves everything about you. From the way you fiddled with your fingers when you had nothing else to do to your weird outbursts when you get excited. You were nothing like the girls who threw themselves at him in hopes of getting his attention. 

Often times, after you would hang out, Oikawa would pull down his pants in the privacy of his bedroom and desperately fist his cock until thick spurts of white would shoot onto anything that he was able to steal from your room from all the times he came over to your house. A picture, a shirt, his favorite pair of panties that smelled so deliciously like you, one of your socks that he wrapped around his length as he fucked his hand—absolutely anything he got his hands on that once belonged to you—was enough to have him dizzy with lust, desire, and love.

You became everything to him. If he was ever able to hold you close with his own fingertips, he would be able to die happily. He would even suffice with just a sniff of your hair while you’re actually awake instead of when you’re dead asleep in the middle of the night and he sneaks into your room through the window you always forget to lock. You couldn’t know that, though. Not like he would have been able to make a move on you so soon to make you completely his anyway.

But he would do anything for you. You were his best friend after all.

So when for the first time ever in your close friendship, you suddenly show up to his house unannounced with tears running down your cheeks and shamelessly throwing yourself into his arms, Oikawa was frozen in place for a second. 

“He cheated on me, Tooru,” you sobbed into his chest. Oh...all he could do was hold you close, bring you inside, and kiss the top of your head lovingly as your shoulders shook.

“It’s okay, Princess. Let it all out. I’m here,” he cooed.

And, wow...you smelled so good when you were awake. So sweet and pure. Absolutely beautiful...

So why the fuck would he cheat on you? 

Oikawa was angry. He was so angry he could laugh at how incredulous the situation was to him. How could he willingly treat you like shit?

After letting him take you away so easily, so Oikawa was forced to resort to pretending that he wasn’t devastatingly in love with you. After being forced to trust him with your heart, convincing himself that he would never hurt you. After having to deal with the fact that every single moment that you shared with Oikawa, that made him fall so deeply for you, was also shared with him. After hearing you scream his name at every single volleyball game you ever attended instead of "Go Tooru!"

It was true—you really were nothing like Oikawa’s fangirls. You didn’t love Oikawa like the fangirls loved him. Never yearned for Oikawa like how his fangirls did. 

You loved Iwaizumi, the former ace of Seijoh and the target of most of Oikawa’s sets. And you broke poor Oikawa’s heart every single time he witnessed a loving moment between you and Iwaizumi. He didn’t understand. He was taller, maybe even more cuter, just so much better than Iwaizumi. So why didn’t you choose him?

That’s how you ended up here; shivering in fear on Iwaizumi’s bed as he sat on the swivel chair he usually kept in his bedroom. Iwaizumi's hands and feet were tied together and the ghost of a blue bruise was forming on his right eye. The rest of his face was slightly swollen and there was a smudge of dried blood under his nose. Whenever you glance up at him, he was staring down at his hands in guilt, shame, and maybe anger and pain. But he made no move to try to get out of his restraints. It was no use.

Can we talk? Come over soon.

You received that text from Iwaizumi's number, assuming it was him. Anxiety-ridden and curious, you came to Iwaizumi's house, wondering what he could possibly say after hurting you so bad. The door was unlocked so you let yourself in, but you didn't expect a shirtless Oikawa—your best friend ever since you met him—to be sitting on the couch looking as relaxed as ever with Iwaizumi's phone in his lap. The little dry splatters of crimson liquid that kissed his skin were easy to notice.

As he led you to Iwaizumi's bedroom, your heart was pounding. And when you saw Iwaizumi in such a disheveled state, you were frozen in fear. Oikawa forced you to sit down on the bed, and you would've started screaming for help—you could've, but a metal handle sticking out of Oikawa's pocket caught your eye.

"God, I fucking hate you. Ever since you got with (Y/N), you’ve made it so hard not to rip your skull apart.”

Oikawa was standing a few feet away from Iwaizumi. A million thoughts ran through your head and every single one of them was wondering how this happened.

When did your best friend become so violent?

And when the fuck did he own a gun?

"I know. I made a goddamn mistake," Iwaizumi grunts in pain, "It's over now. We're not together anymore so-...so you don't need to be doing this dumb shit."

Oikawa laughs loudly, "That's not the point, Iwa-chan! The point is you hurt her." He's clenching and unclenching his fists in anger.

"I said I fucking know!" Iwaizumi barks. He was breathing heavily, his chest was rising and falling deeply.

Oikawa's face forms into a deep scowl. Suddenly, he pulls the black pistol out of his pocket and strikes Iwaizumi's cheek with it, making him jerk his face to the side, before pressing it against his temple. Blood drips from the side of his mouth from the sudden impact.

"Tooru," you whimper. You were shaking so bad, trying hard to stay as calm as possible in case he would try to turn the gun on you. The sight of blood made you feel sick. This whole situation was disgusting.

"You're lucky I haven't blown your brains out for stealing my girl. But hurting her, too? I should fucking shoot you right now." Maybe Iwaizumi was scared, just like you. One pull of the trigger and he would be gone in an instant. But he also looked so furious, with his jaw clenched and his eyes ablaze.

"Then shoot me, Shittykawa. Fucking do it," Iwaizumi taunts him, "Let (Y/N) see how fucked up you are. Traumatize her."

Oikawa pulls away and presses the pistol underneath his own chin in thought, before he carelessly waves it around as if it was just a toy. Every single time he moved, you jumped in your seat and your heart beat eratically. He was unpredictable. "Fuck that, I don't wanna kill you in front of (Y/N) yet. I'd rather blow her back out than blow your brains out first."

His words send a fearful shiver down your spine and makes your skin crawl. You’ve never seen this side of him before—never even expected him to be like this.

Iwaizumi growls, "You're sick."

"I'm not sick, Iwa-chan. I'm doing what's right for my girl," he said firmly. He spun the weapon between his fingers.

"She's not 'your girl.' She was never your girl!" Oikawa and Iwaizumi continued to argue, as if one of them wasn't holding a gun capable of killing everyone in the room instantly. “If this is what you consider right, then you’re just a fucking psycho!”

Why did you have to be here? In between this mess?

You cover your face with the collar of your shirt, crying and trembling with your heart threatening to pound until it jumps out of your chest and leaves you dying. The thought of someone just... getting their life stolen in the hands of someone else right in front of you was destroying your mind. Somehow, even if this was all Oikawa's twisted idea, it felt like it was your fault. 

"Tooru, I don't wanna be h-here. I... I don't want you to kill him..." you hiccup through your tears. Without you noticing, he slowly walks towards you so that he's directly in front of you, watching you break down. “I wan-wanna go h-home.”

"Put the fucking gun down, dumbass," Iwaizumi warns him.

Looking up from your shirt and desperately brushing away the tears as they fell, you're faced with the muzzle of the barrel pointed straight at you, only a mere few inches away from your terrified face. Behind the pistol was, of course, the man you thought would always protect you.

"Oikawa," Iwaizumi snarled, "Don't you dare fucking hurt her. Are you crazy?"

"Shut up, Iwa-chan! Since when did you ever care about her like I do?" Oikawa snaps at him. You stay focused on the shiny barrel of the pistol.

You could die right now. Right in front of your ex boyfriend and your soon-to-be ex best friend. Bleeding with your brains on the mattress you once shared with the man you spent a whole year loving.

All because of Oikawa.

"Why, Tooru?" you ask in a cracked voice, struggling to swallow the lump in your throat.

Oikawa smiled at you, "I'm gonna make this right, okay? I won't hurt you. I just...follow what I say, okay, Princess?"

“I don’t-” you gulp hard, trying to find your voice, “I really don’t understand any of this. I-...I hate this. I don’t wanna die. Tooru, I’m so-...I-...nng?”

The muzzle is delicately pressed between your lips suddenly, nudging your soft lips apart and cutting you off mid-sentence. You inhale sharply as you stare into Oikawa’s brown eyes, surprised and terrified of his sudden action. It throws you off guard, your body going rigid at the thought of dying at this very second.

What would your parents do? Is anyone even gonna find you? Will Iwaizumi survive? Since when did Oikawa hate you so much that he wanted to stick a gun in your mouth?

“Suck.” 

Wait, what? 

The fear on your face is instantly replaced with bewilderment. Suck? What does he mean suck? You stare at each other, the confusion evident on your face, but Oikawa couldn’t stop smiling evilly. 

“Suck on it, Princess,” Oikawa coos. Is he being serious? Even Iwaizumi, ten feet away and tied up, is looking at him as if he was an alien.

“You heard what I said, (Y/N). I won’t hurt you if you listen to me.” When you don't move, he pulls the gun back only to cock it. Your breath hitches in your throat as he places it back on your lips. "Put those sweet lips around my pistol and suck on it. Make it pretty.”

“What the fuck?” breathes Iwaizumi, gawking at Oikawa’s odd demand. 

With the sound of Oikawa cocking the gun fresh in your mind, and fueling your desire to live, you hesitantly wrap your lips around the gun. You start sucking on it, flicking your tongue against the underside of the barrel and slowly bobbing your head around it as you maintain eye contact with Oikawa through your blurry vision. It wasn’t cold, surprisingly, but the feeling of the metal in your mouth made you wince. You’re squeezing your eyes shut, ignoring your tears and trying to think of the weapon as something else.

Oikawa says nothing, his gaze never leaving you while you take his gun as if it was his own cock. The only thing flashing through his mind is that this view is absolutely perfect. Your saliva leaves a thin coating on the barrel every time you pull your head back, just to nibble on the muzzle and swirl your tongue around it, only to let half of the barrel disappear into your mouth again—and it leaves a satisfied feeling in his lower stomach seeing you attempt to submit to him so you could live. 

Slowly, he starts pushing it deeper into your mouth, almost to the back of your throat, and you recoil before he can reach that point, grabbing onto his hand that was holding the gun with both of your weak hands. “Ah, ah, ah,” he tuts in a disappointed tone, “I wanna see you take in more, Princess.” Instantly, you force yourself to relax your throat to let him invade the rest of your mouth. You hold your breath as he hits the back. You’re still trying to bob your head along the weapon, relying on your nose to give you the air that you need.

There was something really fucked up about this whole situation. A red tint is flushed across your face when you glance over at your ex boyfriend, watching you intently. He’s disgusted, that’s for sure—but when you look up to make eye contact with Oikawa, he’s far from disgusted. And it’s easier to tell, because when you trail your gaze to his lower half...

He’s rock hard—bulging from beneath the fabric of his sweats, sweet smile on his perfect face, absolutely no shame in his erection from getting his pistol sucked.

Iwaizumi always knew he was fucking weird.

But there’s an odd, yet familiar sensation, in your lower stomach—a warmth that you know all too well that only happens when Iwaizumi touches you—that makes you clench your thighs and flutter your eyes shut. Looking up at Oikawa, there’s no doubt that he knows what you’re feeling. A small smirk finds its way across his lips. 

Iwaizumi didn't know you were fucking weird, either.

Yeah, that’s what’s fucked up about this situation. Why was this turning you on, too?

Oikawa suddenly pulls the gun away, leaving a thin string of saliva following your lips to the harsh metal for a second until it disconnects. He leans in, making you hold your breath, and his lips find yours.

Soft—that’s the first thing you think about when he connects your lips. “Kiss me back,” he murmurs. 

So, you do. He feels foreign to you, strange even, and you feel quite awkward kissing him when you never even thought about kissing him before. You were beyond flustered. Despite being in such a stressful situation...he’s gentle. The tip of his tongue trails along the opening of your lips. As a habit, you part your lips and allow him to enter your mouth. 

You’re still scared. Your heart is beating so fast. Your breathing is labored from the anxiety sitting heavily on your chest.  But Oikawa is strangely calm. In fact, if he wasn’t moving against your lips right now and lapping at your tongue with his, he’d be smiling and laughing at Iwaizumi’s face. I’m kissing your ex girlfriend!

And Iwaizumi couldn’t do anything except stare. 

You push your hands against his bare shoulders to pull away. “Tooru, stop it,” you gasp out, “Hajim- Iwaizumi is right there.” You didn’t want him to see you like this. You didn’t even wanna see him in the first place after coming home to find him with another girl.

With his face close to you, he harbors a blank expression. “So, would you rather...do something else?” You pause for a second, remembering that he has a gun that’s a few inches away from you, and you reluctantly nod your head. His expression changes—a small smirk and softer, relaxed eyes, an indication that he definitely has something else in mind. Regret starts to fog your mind, but you also can’t help but be curious.

“What are you planning, Shittykawa?” Iwaizumi asks in an irritated, strained tone. He even sounded a bit...jealous? Was he actually jealous? You furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

Oikawa tilts his head to the side to shoot Iwaizumi an evil smirk.

“I’m gonna fuck your ex girlfriend, Iwa-chan. Right in front of you.”

~

You never thought you'd be in this position.

It's hard to fully take in the situation when you literally feel like you're about to pass out from anxiety and all you want is for everything to be calm. At least go back to the way it used to be or how it should be—spending the rest of your time with Oikawa while eating tubs of ice cream and watching movies until you pass out together.

Instead, you're shaking like a leaf while straddling his thighs, fully exposed, soft skin pressing against his. Oikawa is completely bare, too, and while you always admired his athletic ability and perfect body, you didn't wanna see him like this. Not at all. Especially when his finger is still lazily sitting on the trigger of his pistol with it still pointed towards you, challenging you to do something so he can pull it.

It's that mischievous glint in his eyes that make you tense up the most. You want to be angry. You have every right to be, you think, but it's so difficult.

You're trying to cover up your body with your arms, holding onto the small amount of pride you have left, but it's no use when Oikawa is constantly looking you up and down. At the same time, you're trying to avoid looking down—his cock was sitting upright, hard and pulsating and...bigger than you thought he would be.

Way bigger.

"You can give it a little lick, Princess. If it'll make it easy for you."

You bite your trembling lip, shaking your head side to side, "I don't...I don't feel like it, Tooru." Oikawa moves to place his free hand on your waist, trailing his finger tips up and down, goosebumps rising on your skin.

"Just try it, baby. I won't bite," he muses, "Or would you rather I-" He picks his gun up higher. That small, annoying smile seemed to never leave his face because he knew the power he had over you at this moment.

"No," you quickly interrupt him. A chuckle vibrates in his chest at your response.

"I think I need to take care of you first, hm?" Before you can disagree with him again, he's sitting up to grab your hips. He flips you both over so he's above you. He opens your legs and lifts them up so your thighs are pressing against your stomach, exposing everything to him. You’re embarrassed, covering your face with your hands. 

“Let’s see your face, Princess. Don’t hide,” he insists, “You’re so pretty. I wish I could’ve seen you like this sooner.” You have no choice but to let your hands fall from your face. Oikawa looks so happy. In the corner of the room, Iwaizumi is muttering something under his breath with a flushed, bruised, and bleeding face. 

Oikawa runs his fingers along the skin of the underside of your thighs before placing his palms on each. He was still holding onto the weapon. It’s pressing against one of your thighs. Why did everything feel so cold? 

You flinch when he leans down towards your heat to flatten his tongue and lick a stripe up your slit. Oikawa stifles a groan at the taste of you. This was what he wanted since the first time he met you—an opportunity to make you his. He wraps his lips around the little sensitive nub at the top of your cunt and sucks on it. 

“T-Tooru,” you softly whine in uneasiness. You’re not sure if Oikawa can hear the distaste dripping at your mouth, but he keeps sucking and lapping at you as if you were the last thing he would ever eat. “I really don’t like this, Tooru. This is so embarrassing...”

He looks up at you, locking eyes with you as you silently beg him to stop. He removes one of his hands from your thighs to probe at the entrance of your pussy with his thumb. Your heart drops to your stomach when you hear the familiar slick of your wetness and he spreads it around with the pad of his thumb. “You don’t seem to be that against it, (Y/N).” 

Of course you’d be wet—he’s licking and playing with your cunt. When would he understand that?

You gulp nervously, “I don’t want this, Tooru. Please.”

He hums to myself, seeming to be deep in thought as always, before he mutters, “Oh, I know what you want.” You’re confused for a second, but he moves his other hand to hold the pistol at your entrance and...what the fuck?

What the fuck?

“No! Tooru!” you gasp, moving to sit up. Oikawa quickly pushes you back down by your chest. He’s pushing the gun inside you, slowly, but surely—and you feel every single rough patch and texture on the barrel, breaking through the rings of your cunt. “No, no, no!” You’re trying to reach for him, to stop him before he continues, yet he’s able to hold you back with one arm and pushes the pistol inside your pulsing heat, stretching you with the hard metal. It’s an uncomfortable stretch because of how stiff it is. You can already feel the trigger guard pressing at your asshole from how much he filled you up.

You swear Iwaizumi whispers a “holy shit” from his place.

“This is what you wanted, hm? You wanted to get fucked by my pistol?” Oikawa coos in a sickeningly sweet tone. You’re shaking your head, bracing your arms against the bed sheets and chewing on your lip. No. This can’t be happening. “I saw how you reacted when I let you suck on it, Princess. Bet this sweet pussy was already dripping the second I put it in your mouth. I never knew you were so dirty.” He wanted to laugh. The view from between your legs was incredible. He’s glancing at Iwaizumi, who is trying very hard not to look.

“That’s not true!" you gasp. Oikawa continues to pump the gun in and out of you with slow and deliberate strokes. You hate that you feel every single ridge and dent. He leans down to give a few licks at your clit. You’re suppressing a moan in your throat, because this shouldn’t feel good. Every single time he snaps it back into you, you’re gasping for breath. The walls of your cunt are clenching around the thick barrel and it’s hot—you’re heating up from the unfamiliar object forcing its way inside you, forcing you to react. Forcing you to take it in even if your brain is screaming for mercy.

“I know you better than you know yourself,” Oikawa mutters, “You’ve been mine since the beginning. I just let him have you.” This time, you’re biting down on your fist as he continues his assault. This wasn’t the Oikawa you met and became best friends with; this was an absolute monster. Maybe this was who he was the whole entire time—a liar, a master manipulator, a delusional psychopath who couldn’t understand the chemicals behind truly loving someone. 

But that doesn’t matter right now because fuck—the consistent strokes of Oikawa fucking you with his pistol felt good. The tiny moans you’re letting out proves everything, even as you try to hold them back. It’s so hard to stop your hips from bucking against the hard metal, even harder to stop that stupid fire burning in your pelvis. God, you’re about to fucking explode.

It doesn’t feel good, you’re trying to convince yourself. This is assault. This is rape. This doesn’t feel good. You’re not turned on, you’re just terrified if he pulls the trigger—

“Let it out, baby. The gun’s still fully loaded,” he whispers against your lips with a smirk, suddenly lifting himself up to press his forehead against yours. His words were ringing loudly in your ears, reaching every single nerve in your body. You part your lips in shock, your legs are shaking violently against your chest, and your eyes are finally rolling back into your head. A loud moan erupts from your throat, high-pitched like a scream. Quickly, he connects your lips and forces his tongue inside.

Fuck.

Fuck. 

It almost hurts with how tightly you’re clenching onto the gun still inside you. But it’s one of the best feelings that you’ve ever felt because you’re cumming. You’re actually cumming. Your pussy is hot with so much shame, but you’re still gushing juices, soaking Oikawa’s hand.

You’re cumming on a fucking gun.

The room is silent as you’re coming undone. Iwaizumi is dazed, obvious from the look on his face as he’s staring at the place between your legs and the wet spots soaking the sheets. Oikawa stands upright on his knees, and you notice that his pelvis is wet from your juices. How embarrassing. How utterly fucking embarrassing. He’s pulling the gun out of your cunt and raising it up to his face, examining how your cum is running down to the handle. 

Oh, that’s really satisfying. He could take a picture right now, but he didn’t want to waste anymore time. 

"Cumming just from my pistol?" Oikawa chuckled, "So fucking dirty. I love it. I could get you pregnant right now. Pump you up with my kids, would you like that?" 

“Fuck’s sake, Shittykawa. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Iwaizumi speaks up all of a sudden. Oikawa simply scoffs at the other man before pulling you closer to rest your thighs against his hips. 

You wheeze, completely out of breath, “No, Tooru. I’m done. I need to leave.” With the palms of your hands against the mattress, you weakly try to pull yourself up and away from Oikawa’s grasp. 

“I said I was gonna fuck you, didn’t I?” Oikawa hums, pulling you back against his hips and placing his tip at your entrance. You wanna move away, and you really try to by moving to scoot away from him, but you feel so weak. He’s still holding onto his disgustingly wet gun—wet from you. Has he even put it down at all? 

"I never break promises," Oikawa sighs, with a big smile on his face, "And you’re so beautiful, (Y/N). How did I ever stop myself before? I should've taken you even if that fucker was still with you."

You’re trying to protest. You’ve been trying all night, but Oikawa is so persistent with wanting his revenge—revenge that you never even wanted. But he’s also thinking that this is it—this is the stepping stone of becoming the object of your affection. Not Iwaizumi, the man you loved and who cheated on you. Not anyone else. Just your best friend.

His hands are gripping onto your hips as he arches your back for his hips to meet yours. It’s another uncomfortable stretch as he pushes passed the fleshy walls of your pussy with his throbbing cock. You’re already wet—he has no struggle sinking into your pussy—and the squelching sound your wetness makes and the sharp whine that you let out in response to his movements are music to his ears. 

“Fuck,” he moans, “You’re tight, Princess. I thought Iwa-chan was fucking this pussy every night before.” 

It seemed like Iwaizumi wasn’t in the room at first, even if you were hyper-aware of that fact and it made your whole body become flushed. If you could hear his thoughts right now, he would most definitely be thinking that this fucking sucks. There’s a crack in your voice when you let out a low moan at Oikawa finally sheathing you on his cock. 

“How is it? Bigger than Iwa-chan?” he teases you. He pulls back only to dive deeper into your wetness. The feeling of his cock sliding against your walls makes you tremble. You’re so sensitive from how he fucked you with his gun less than five minutes ago, it’s a surprise that you haven’t passed out from the extra simulation he’s giving you. 

“Shut up,” you groan, looking off to the side. When Oikawa is comfortably settled between your folds, he leans over you to brace his hands on either side of your head. Instinctively, you wrap your small hands around his biceps as he slides in and out of you, squeezing desperately. 

Oikawa cocks his head to the side. “You don’t want to admit it, huh?” He suddenly snaps his hips sharply against yours, jerking your whole body upwards. “You don’t need to say it. I know how you feel, anyway.” It fucking hurts. His cock is longer, thicker, and going deeper than his gun was.

“How would you even know how I feel, Tooru?” you ask in a shaky tone. The anxiety never seemed to go away. Maybe you kept quivering because of your new-found fear of the brown-haired man above you, or maybe it was because you can still feel Iwaizumi burning a hole through you—he probably realized how much he hated you because if it weren’t for you, he wouldn’t be sitting tied up in his own home witnessing his friend rail his ex girlfriend.

Oikawa knew, though, that it was because you couldn’t fight the way your nerves were responding to how he touched you.

“Because if you didn’t like this, you wouldn't be under me right now,” he says lowly. With his hands gripping the sheets next to your head, he forces you deeper into the mattress with his body weight. The gun next to your head would’ve made you nervous, but you were too focused on the way Oikawa’s cock was drilling into your pussy like he was trying to leave an imprint of himself there for you to remember forever.

Every time he thrusts into you with all his strength, you’re gasping and moaning, gripping onto his biceps that flexed so deliciously as he filled you up completely. Your body was betraying you, writhing beneath him, basically begging for him to give you more. To make you cum one more time from just his cock.

“You really think this is funny, Oikawa?” Iwaizumi growls. You tense up at the sound of his voice—the anger dripping in his tone. “Basically raping my ex girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” Oikawa purrs, “It’s so...satisfying.” He’s building up his pace, and pretty soon he’s pounding into you with such a force that you’re struggling to let out moans and end up up letting out breaths of air and whiny squeaks. “Especially since she likes it so much. Right, (Y/N)?” Your eyes are rolling back at the sensation—you’re not even trying to deny it at this point. No matter how fucked up or disgusting you look right now, you couldn’t escape Oikawa and you couldn’t stop your pussy from sucking in his cock hopelessly like he belonged inside you.

“I fucking hate you.”

The area on your pelvis is undeniably hot now. Sweat was appearing on your skin despite being fully naked and exposed to the cold air in Iwaizumi’s bedroom. Oikawa is consistently snapping his hips into yours while you’re trying to control your own hips from trying to buck into his. Trying to hold onto what little sanity you have left before you’re ultimately forced to let go on his veiny cock.

Oikawa is your best friend—was your best friend, you don’t even know anymore. Fuck, he’s evil, giving you a warm, welcoming smile with a gun laying next to your head and ravaging your insides at the same time. This isn’t normal. But damn did this feel so fucking good.

You’re crying now, the tears running down your cheeks in a steady stream. Fuck Iwaizumi. Fuck Oikawa’s gun. Fuck the insecurity, feelings of worthlessness, and guilt that you’ve had inside you for the past few weeks after your failed relationship, crying into Oikawa’s lap every single time. Fuck everything. 

Only his name is forming at your lips, accompanied by wails of pleasure. You’ve never felt like this before, not even with Iwaizumi, who you thought would be the only person making you cum until you’re stupid. 

“F-fuck, Tooru,” you manage to gasp out. All your muscles are clenching involuntarily. It only makes Oikawa groan, your pussy unbelievably squeezing even tighter around him, pulling him inside you.

“Are you okay, my baby? You gonna cum all over my cock?” 

Your head is spinning and you just want it to stop. All you’re thinking about is how roughly Oikawa is fucking into you and the pleasure he’s bringing in waves washing over you. He’s not even touching your clit—the base of his cock is just hitting your swollen nub every time he thrusts inside of you, letting tiny shocks run through you.

“This is my pussy now,” he growls, “I’m gonna fuck this. I’m gonna stretch out this little cunt every day and you’re gonna let me, right? You’re gonna let me fill you up with my cum, too?” 

Let go, every sensor in your body is screaming.

"C'mon, Princess. Tell me. Tell Iwa-chan how much you love my cock inside you. Tell us how much you wanna be filled with my cum," he grins as he shoves his length into you roughly. He nudges your head to the side and attaches his lips to the soft skin on your neck, sucking and biting at the area. You arch your back off the bed and you don't hold back anymore—you're chanting his name, finally, begging for him.

"Tooru-mmm, please," you plead, "Fuck me, please! I'm...I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum, Tooru!"

Then Oikawa lifts himself up, bracing himself on one of his arms before bringing his gun against your lips again. You don't hesitate to stick your tongue out, letting it in your mouth this time. God, he could fucking cum at the sight of you willingly sucking on his pistol, swirling your tongue over the metal surface. He won't shoot, he just wants to see you submitting to his gun and his cock like he's a king.

It's taking everything within you to not pass out from violently twitching and spasming on his cock, letting your juices squirt all over him once you open your mouth to cry loudly. His gun is still pressing into the base of your throat, so your scream drawls out into a choking noise. Oikawa is letting out a string of curse words—your juices are coating his skin and spraying all over his cock.

Your thighs feel so sore, and you're a sputtering mess as he pulls his gun away from you. It's covered in your saliva. Oikawa is lifting himself up, panting heavily, observing the erratic movement of your chest and the red flush of your body. He doesn't bother to pull out of your convulsing cunt. Why are you still trembling like that?

But it's okay. Oikawa is so happy, so pleased. You were such a good girl—he knows for sure that you finally accept him and want him.

“Hey, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa sang with delight in his tone to catch Iwaizumi's attention. Damn, you completely forgot he was still there.

Oikawa is finally upright on his knees, leaving you sweating on the bedsheets. Iwaizumi looked up, cringing in disgust and fueled with anger and envy from watching Shittykawa himself take your body so relentlessly as you were cumming beneath him. Oikawa lifts his arm, pointing the shiny metal weapon towards the other man in the room. He was still throbbing inside you, enjoying the feeling of you still twitching gently around his cock from your orgasm. With half-lidded eyes, you look up at him weakly, suddenly admiring his toned, muscular body and the sweat glistening on his abs. You're not sure if he came inside you, but the wetness escaping your hole and the feeling of his length twitching, too, is more than enough proof that he probably did.

"What do you want now, you fucking asshole?" Iwaizumi snarls.

The words that come out next are so snarky, filled with hate and arrogance. "Just wanted to let you know that I’m better than you," Oikawa sneers, "And I don't shoot blanks."

He finally pulls the trigger. The sound of a gunshot is piercing the air and Oikawa jerks slightly from the recoil. Then it's completely silent. Your thighs are still shaking, you’re still struggling to find your voice, and your brain seems to be focusing through the haziness. He leans down to give you the sweetest kiss, as if to say that everything will be okay now. The smell in the air was suddenly pungent—a mixture of sweat, sex, gun powder and...blood? Holy shit.  You're screaming now.

Holy shit, Oikawa.

[highfaelucien]

I completely agree with how you feel towards azriel. Thinking about azriel’s character now vs how I used to view him during acomaf times is just... sad and so so so much more complex. Part of me still wants to love him for the character that was presented to us in acomaf and other small good moments, like his friendship with nesta. And then the other part of me is disgusted, disappointed, and honestly kind of terrified of who he may become if sjm allows him to continue acting predatorily/toxic. The whole mor/az situation really fucked me up. As someone who is also a lesbian and an abuse survivor, it broke my heart to watch the situation unfold in acowar. It still hurts seeing many readers (and sometimes even sjm) take az’s side and paint mor as some sort of liar/two faced character that is playing everyone. I kept thinking that things would be fixed in future books, but instead az has grown worse and mor was, once again, sidelined and written out as a character. And honestly... as much as I love the idea of gwyn x azriel ... I think his books would need a lot more focus on his own recovery/growth and not center on a romantic relationship. If anything, I hope it’s written as friends to lovers so az has a better way of interacting and forming relationships with women. Because right now... well, that shit is borderline predatory and isn’t coming across well. And I really really do not want that for him. Basically, azriel deserves a better arc than what has been written for him. I miss him :( he used to be a character that made me feel safe and now :/ idk anymore

I'm going to quote parts of this/chop it up and reply to them a chunk at a time. because there's a lot going on here and I want to try and reply to as much as I can because I resonate with.....all of it. Please forgive me for the length of this.

I completely agree with how you feel towards azriel. Thinking about azriel’s character now vs how I used to view him during acomaf times is just... sad and so so so much more complex.

He feels like a different character? There was always an anger simmering under the calm surface, we knew that. But it was an anger born of love, deep down, and the desire to protect his family, and his court, at the expense of himself. Az was always the first to volunteer himself for dangerous missions, to spare the others.

Now that anger is directed at his family, and at the world, for not giving him what he feels he 'deserves'. That has NEVER been Azriel. Azriel's deepest issues and insecurities have always stemmed from the feeling of being unworthy, and undeserving of anything.

She's just made him into......Every other dude in this series tbh. Snarling, and possessive, and wanting to fuck anything in a skirt that moves.

Azriel was actually somewhat of an original, complex character initially. It's unusual that we see trauma affect men in the way it did Az. Usually it makes them angry, and vengeful, and eager to prove they are the alpha etc. Seeing them withdraw, and think less of themselves/that they're unworthy is something not explored often enough. But bye bye nuance hello #Drama.

Part of me still wants to love him for the character that was presented to us in acomaf and other small good moments, like his friendship with nesta.

I feel this. I found a lot of comfort in Az's character. Particularly the way he reacted with Mor. I was a big fan of their relationship, and I wrote a few 'missing scenes' style fics in the gap between ACOMAF and ACOWAR. One of them was where Az went to her when she had pushed everyone else away, including Cassian, and comforted and calmed her.

I hate that Maas took that away from Mor. I hate that Az no longer does that for her. I hate that Az was the one to betray her along with Rhys and bring her abuser into her safe space behind her back. I hate that he is no longer a symbol of calm, stable, dependable comfort and support for Mor, but is instead a threat. I HATE it.

Every now and then Az has lovely, gentle moments - his friendship with Nesta is a good example, and something I hoped we'd see. But also quieter times with Rhys, and their similarities being explored. And I adored the flying lessons with Feyre in ACOWAR, and the training he did with Cassian and the others in ACOFS.

But then she goes and twists him and does something else that just makes me want to fucking scream. Like the High Lord scene where he 'frightened' Mor. And his entire POV chapter which is frankly fucking gross.

And then the other part of me is disgusted, disappointed, and honestly kind of terrified of who he may become if sjm allows him to continue acting predatorily/toxic.

I agree.

I don't know how she can write a series that explores the effects of emotional abuse so well with Feyre and Tamlin...And then write what she did with Az?

The possession to a traumatised, still impressionable and desperate young woman, who likely finds the same comfort and safety in him that Mor did. Before that got shot to fucking pieces.

He sounds like a whiny toddler 'Cassian has a mate, and Rhys has a mate, where is mine!?!?!?!?' I DESERVE Elain, because I'm your brother and you guys have her sisters and what the FUCK. Who let that shit get published holy mother of god.

It's just...It's so unhealthy? Like, not even talking ship wars here (which I'm aware are rampant, and which I'm trying my best to stay away from). But that just.

How can that ever be a healthy foundation for a relationship? A man who thinks that he deserves, not only to be in a relationship with her, but to be bonded to her. Not because of HER, not because of who she is, or how she makes him feel. No. Purely because her sisters are mated to his brothers?

The whole thing made me feel so uncomfortable. It's predatory and toxic, just as you said. It's not right, it's not fair. Forget alliances and Lucien, even if none of that was a factor, that sort of thinking is still not right. And it's completely unfair to Elain.

But it also just. It didn't read like Azriel. The first part, where he struggles to sleep, and pushes himself until he passes out, and the insight that his shadows are basically hovering beside him screaming SELF CARE YOU DUMB BITCH at all times was very pleasing.

And the part where he goes to Clotho and leaves an anonymous gift for Gwyn. No fanfair. No audience. No pressure on either of them to react/perform. That felt like Az, too.

But everything in the middle. Everything with Elain, was just...Gross and out of character. And this is not because I dislike E/riel as a ship. I could get on board with it, tbh, if it wasn't written the way it was.

But it's not about ships, for me. It's just. Everything felt out of character. The predatory way he was with her. The fact he lies awake and gets himself off to fantasies of her. How apparently quickly he was aroused by putting a necklace on her. Idk, maybe it's my ace ignorance, but that doesn't sound normal/healthy to me.

Nor does him having to leave a room because he can scent her mating bond with Lucien. Or not being able to control himself to sit and eat dinner with her?

This is the same dude who has, apparently, been in love with Mor for 500 solid years, and who never did a damned thing about it. Who always kept himself in check. Even while she's had other lovers. But he can't control himself through one dinner with Elain?

It just. It doesn't feel like him. It feels like...Honestly not even Cassian. It feels like Tamlin on horny, predatory steroids. And that's not something I ever wanted to see from Azriel's POVs.

She could have explored a darker side to him without making it sexual? And misogynistic. And having him treating Elain as little more than a fucking object that he feels entitled to because 'everyone else got one, where's mine?'. What the FUCK???

The more I write it the more angry I get.

Because SJM has consistently put Az in the position of saving women when they were in danger? He was the one who found Mor near death at Autumn. He was the one who rescued Gwyn from her attackers during the war. He was the one to retrieve Elain when she was taken.

She always puts him in this position and, for better or worse, presents him as a safety figure for these women. The first person who they saw come for them, and fight for them, and protect them.

And on the inside she makes him this vile, predatory monster who just thinks constantly about fucking them? Who isn't actually safe at all?? It's sad. And it's infuriating. Because this isn't about ships anymore. This is about female survivors who have an apparent safe person who's presented as almost as dangerous as the people who attacked them in the first place. And that makes me feel so sick and sad that we've gotten here.

It still hurts seeing many readers (and sometimes even sjm) take az’s side and paint mor as some sort of liar/two faced character that is playing everyone. I kept thinking that things would be fixed in future books, but instead az has grown worse and mor was, once again, sidelined and written out as a character.

This is yet another vile thing SJM has done to queer readers with this whole fiasco. Because it puts me in a position where I want to call out her shitty writing, and what she's done to Mor - sidelining her as soon as she became queer. Undermining her power and her strength. Undermining her role as the survivor to look up to. Saying her power is truth but then making her seem like a liar. Which is all shitty, shitty, shitting writing.

But I'm also a queer person. And I will always always ALWAYS want to defend a queer person's right to remain closeted. Regardless of their reasons for doing so. But in this case it's a concern for their safety/a fear of how those around them will react. And I will NEVER condemn that. I will never say Az is suffering more than Mor for her being closeted. I will never call Mor a liar/a manipulator/two-faced when all she's doing is trying to survive.

I WILL condemn SJM for making this a scenario. For putting homophobia in her world purely to cause pain for queer characters, and drama for her straight ones. And for sidelining Mor as soon as she can't write graphic scenes with her fucking men because now she's a lesbian so we best get her off the page so the guys can get their cocks out some more.

And honestly... as much as I love the idea of gwyn x azriel ... I think his books would need a lot more focus on his own recovery/growth and not center on a romantic relationship. If anything, I hope it’s written as friends to lovers so az has a better way of interacting and forming relationships with women. Because right now... well, that shit is borderline predatory and isn’t coming across well. And I really really do not want that for him.

This is going to sound sarcastic but I actually mean it fully and completely genuinely: 95% of the drama inducing problems in this series could be fixed with some fucking therapy.

But I agree with you. I think it's high time Azriel worked on his own issues. Even if they've apparently made a complete 180 from what they were in ACOMAF.

I...Like the concept of Gwyn/Azriel, but I'm not sold on the ship. Not with the way Maas has been writing Azriel lately. That kind of man shouldn't be with any woman right now. But especially not a rape survivor who sees him as one of the first men she's been able to trust in a long time.

Basically, azriel deserves a better arc than what has been written for him. I miss him :( he used to be a character that made me feel safe and now :/ idk anymore

"he used to be a character that made me feel safe" - This shit hit me like a tonne of bricks because this is EXACTLY how I feel about Az, too. You just managed to say it in a few words instead of 12 pages of rambling, like I do.

And I think this was intention. Azriel was presented as a very dependable character. He rescued Mor, and was respectful enough to keep his distance, despite his feelings, for 500 fucking years. Because he didn't think she was ready/interested.

He had a very calm, and calming air about him. Always in control of himself. Without the expected bursts of aggression and temper we'd seen from...Every other male character in this series. He was stable, and solid, and that was comforting. An anchor. And someone who would quietly, and without fuss, seek out Mor/others when they needed someone to talk to or comfort him.

That was a very soothing, reassuring presence in the book, I felt. And now she's made him seem...volatile, and unstable. With this dangerous anger that he can't control, that he uses not to protect, but to intimidate, and to fuel his entitlement and desires.

it's just sad. It's sad that she's taken this away from Mor, but also from other survivors who found comfort and safety in Az. Because I'm sure we weren't alone in that regard.

I miss him. And I mourn the character he was, and feel anger for the character he should have been. but instead he's become yet another possessive, entitled, snarling cardboard cutout dude like...everyone else.

And I ache for the Az/Mor dynamic that we had in ACOMAF. Even without it becoming romantic, there was no reason for that to be destroyed/ruined.

She could have written it that Az is the only one who knows about her sexuality, and that he pretends he's still in love with her as a shield/buffer, so no one looks too closely/to protect her and make her feel comfortable.

Instead she turned it into a soap opera style drama. And wrote it almost as though her sexuality was her cheating on him? Denying him what he deserved. And now she's just...just pussyfooting around it. And apparently he's just. Just moved on. Without them having any kind of conversation or closure at all. He just wanks off to the thought of Elain instead of Mor, now, problem solved /s

I miss what they were. I miss what he was to Mor. I miss when she had that support system, and that safety net. I miss when he protected her. And looked out for her. And understood her in a way that no one else, not even Rhys, did.

Mor deserved that. Azriel deserved that. WE deserved that. And she nuked it for some fucking twisted drama that punishes a lesbian because a man is thirsting after her. it's a fucking disgrace. I'm so fucking done with SJM, y'all. So fucking done.

[letterboxd]

Sculpting in Time.

As the world inches into the future, we invited Justine Smith, author of the ‘100 Films to Watch to Expand your Horizons’ list, to look to the cinematic past to help us process the present.

It is said that the essential quality of cinema that distinguishes it from other arts is time. Music can be played at different tempos, and standing in a museum, we choose how many seconds or hours we stand before a great painting. A novel can be savored or sped through. Cinema, on the other hand, exists on a fixed timeline. While it can theoretically be experienced at double or half speeds, it is never intended to be seen as such. Cinema’s fundamental quality is experiencing time on someone else’s terms. As the great Andrei Tarkovsky said in describing his work as a filmmaker, he was “sculpting in time”.

The perception of time, however, is not universal. Our moods, our emotions, and our ideologies shape our relationship to it. Most Western audiences are further acclimated to Western cinema’s ebbs and flows, which similarly favor efficiency and invisibility. When we see a Hollywood film, we don’t want the story to stop. We want to be swept away and forget that we are all moving towards a mortal endpoint. Cinema, though, in its infinite possibilities, exists far beyond these parameters. It can challenge and enrich our vision of the world. If we open ourselves up, we can transfigure and transform our relationship to time itself.

When I first put together my 100 Films to Watch to Expand your Horizons list, I did it quite haphazardly. I imagined countries, filmmakers and experiences that I felt went under-appreciated in discussions of cinema’s potential. Intuitively, I went searching for corners of experience that expanded my own cinematic horizon. Some of these films are well-loved and seen by wide audiences; others are virtually unknown. It was often only after the fact that the myriad of intimate connections between the films came to light.

Manuel de Oliveira’s ‘Visit, or Memories and Confessions’ (2015).

“The only eternal moment is the present.” —Manoel de Oliveira

Released in 2015 but made in 1982, Visit, or Memories and Confessions is a reflection on life, cinema and oppression by Portuguese filmmaker Manoel de Oliveira. If we were to reflect on cinema’s history, few filmmakers have the breadth of experience and foresight as Oliveira. His first film was made in the silent era using a hand-cranked camera. By the time of his death at 106 years of age, he had made dozens of movies, including many in a digital format.

He made Visit, or Memories and Confessions in the shadow of the Portuguese dictatorship. While filming, he imagined he was in the twilight of his life. It revisited essential incidents in his history but also that of his country. It’s a film of reconciliation, violence and oppression, told tenderly in a home lost as a consequence of a vindictive dictatorship. Oliveira’s film, like his life, spanned time in a way that stretches perceptions. It’s a film without significant incident, about the peaceful pleasures and tragedies of daily life.

Elia Suleiman’s ‘The Time that Remains’ (2009).

What worlds have changed over the past one hundred years? The same breadth of perception, which often feels too seismic to tackle in traditional narrative cinema, was also explored in The Time that Remains. In a retelling of his family’s history, Palestinian filmmaker Elia Suleiman also tells Israel’s story. It is a film of wry comparisons and Keatonesque comic patterns. As borders change and time passes, few things fundamentally change, except on a spiritual plane. What happens to people without an identity or a country? What damage does it do to their souls?

The question of time looms heavily in both Oliveira’s and Suleiman’s films. They are movies that contemplate centuries of experiences and explore how those stories are guarded, twisted and erased by the powerful.

Alanis Obomsawin’s ‘Incident at Restigouche’ (1984).

The echoes of history and attempts to break with old patterns often emerge in other anti-colonial and anti-imperialist films. They can be seen in Alanis Obomsawin’s vital and angry Incident at Restigouche, about an explosive, centuries-in-the-making 1981 conflict between Quebec provincial police and the First Nations people of the Restigouche reserve; In Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India, villagers must win a cricket match to free themselves from involuntary servitude; and in Daughters of the Dust, the languid pace of the Gullah culture is challenged by the promise and violence of the American mainland.

Time, more than just a tool for chronology, becomes in itself a tool for oppression. Those who control time maintain power. If we are to break with dominant histories, the rhythms of oppression must be broken and challenged.

Forugh Farrokhzad’s ‘The House is Black’ (1963).

“The universe is pregnant with inertia and has given birth to time.” —Forugh Farrokhzad, The House is Black

Persian filmmaker and poet Forugh Farrokhzad made just one film before her untimely death in a car accident when she was 32. The House is Black is a short documentary about a Leper colony, which utilizes essay-esque prose taken from the Quaran, and Farrokhzad’s poetry. It is a film about people who are seen as invisible by society at large, cast away and hidden. The film reflects on beauty, sickness and reconciliation. How does one experience time when you’ve been ostracized and cut off from the larger world?

Barbara Loden’s landmark independent film Wanda asks a similar question. A solo mother who cycles from one abusive situation to the next exists outside of time and space. She is invisible. If we look at most American cinema, it might as well be propelled by people who take control over their destiny, but what of the people who are (un)willingly passive to the whims of society and other human beings? In her powerlessness, Wanda stands in for the invisible labor and sacrifices of so many other women. The ordinariness of Wanda’s life, the dusty and dirty environments she inhabits, rebound with significance. It is, however, not a victorious film. Instead, it is a profound portrait of loss and beauty. It’s the only film Barbara Loden ever made.

"If you don't want anything you won't have anything, and if you don't have anything, you're as good as dead." —Norman Dennis in Wanda

Barbara Loden’s ‘Wanda’ (1970).

In 2020, it seemed all we had was time. What seemed like an opportunity quickly became horrific. Time became a burden. We were reminded of our finite time on this Earth and all the hours spent commuting, working and surviving. The pandemic has had a seismic impact on our perceptions. In processing the ongoing crisis, we’ve transformed our relationship to the passage of time. We’ve altered the state of our reality.

This new pandemic gaze offers us new perspectives on time and history. The oldest film on the list is Erich Von Stroheim’s Blind Husbands, released in 1919 during the grips of the Spanish flu. The film does not reference the event, but its sensuality and class conflicts speak to a world on the brink of seismic change. It is a movie about an Austrian military officer who seduces a surgeon’s wife. The men grapple with jealousy and violence on a literal mountaintop, fighting for survival in an increasingly mechanized society.

Poster for Erich Von Stroheim’s ‘Blind Husbands’ (1919).

To this day, Blind Husbands is shocking. It’s profoundly fetishistic and loaded with heavy sexual imagery. It’s a movie about touch and desire absent of love and affection. It speaks to aspects of current life that feel lost and impenetrable. It speaks to growing and changing social disparities as well. Surviving the modern world is more than just surviving the plague; it has to do with value compromises and shifting power dynamics.

But, a pandemic is also about loss. Gregg Araki’s 1992 film The Living End explores the AIDS crisis from the inside out. Rebellious and angry, the film is about a gay hustler and a movie critic, both of whom have been diagnosed with the HIV virus. With characters who are cast out from society at large, gripped with a deadly and unknown fate, The Living End is apocalyptic—much like other Araki works from the 90s, such as The Doom Generation and Totally Fucked Up. It captures the deep sense of hopelessness of experiencing a pandemic while also belonging to a marginalized group. What is so radical about Araki’s cinema, though, is that it is also fun. It is a film that transcends mourning and becomes a lavish punk celebration. It is a film about survival, out of step with dominant ideology and histories.

Gregg Araki's ‘The Living End’ (1992).

The connections between Blind Husbands and The Living End bridge together to form common passions and changing perceptions. Both films are products of their time, at once part of distant histories but also uncomfortably prescient. More than films about a specific time and place, they are transformed by the time we live in now. To watch and connect with these movies in a pandemic means looking and living beyond the current moment.

While it seems like cinema might be facing an especially precarious future, it feels like the ideal art form to process what is happening right now. Caught in the vicious patterns of our own creation, giving ourselves up to the rhythms of someone else’s will might be a necessary form of healing, as well as an ongoing project in compassion. Time does not have to be a prison; it can be an agent for liberation.

Related content

100 Films to Watch to Expand Your Horizons

The Oxford History of World Cinema

1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die

The Great Unknown: High Rated Movies with Few Views

Follow Justine on Letterboxd

[sukirichi]

read the new chapters and aAAACKKKKK BESTIE???

y/n - ‘I was born to make everyone’s life a living hell’ maam this LINE?! JAW DROPPED, TIME STOPPED being insecure all her life and wanting to live up to the expectations to her dad just to have that sliver of attention from him, that sentence gives us a glimpse on how little she felt despite being accomplished, rather successful actually because she always cleans her boss’ mess have a lot of baggage to unpack. and when the secret was confirmed, her anger rejects all of the entity that ties with her past because both her parents deprived her for the things she was supposed to have– becoming greedy to fulfill those. then eventually, somehow, going back to her roots aka being humble after having the talk with her dad. As most of her insecurity started because of him and how she had to be the bigger person for his other family, clearing out the misunderstanding between them brought a sense of peace  while she’s settling in the restless turn of events.

and with our main man gojo, this guy, it is not wise to- 😤😤 how can you say you’re engaged after doing the body tango huh? esp when you said you want y/n to be your wife? oh gee and the revelation of his past relationship with mia and how he sees her in y/n is so fucked up. can’t help but think that satoru wanting to marry and be this lovey-dovey with y/n is just him reliving the moments that mia never gave him in the past. and y/n accepting that their current relationship is based on how they’re filling up the cracks in their needs and settling for the sake of familiarity. imagine how deep in love our girl is to keep satoru in her life 💔 im still in it for the second lead agenda

needless to say, everyone here needs a therapy so they can get their shit straight together 🤧🤧 (ノ•̀ o •́ )ノ ~ ┻━┻

BUT i know you mentioned this many times but laywer! naoya all poised and in his best behavior while helping y/n in her new situation has my heart go💕💕 winning lots of cases and is known in his field, he proved that he is both beauty and brains. and the pen spin??? man be pulling those fast spins either to distract or impress the person he is talking to flashing those perfect white pearls wtf now i can’t get that out of my head naoya brain rot 🥵🥵 also celebrity chef! sukuna in charge of all those delicious, exquisite cuisines? imma make myself broke just to taste his masterpiece🥲 ooh but how about him being a michelin star chef and owning a michelin-starred resto?! no doubt, left and right you see this man appearing on some high food magazine on the cover 😊😊 oh oh i also saw that supermodel! choso?? also his face is plastered on magazines AND luxurious advertisements ex. shibuya crossing! where most people be drenched in his glorious presence yea weird shibuya arc ref pls kill me and everyone talks how handsome and intimidating he is while he just have a rbf and only the closest people in his life get to see him drop that front 😌😌

with that in mind, imagine supermodel! choso being a godfather to the baby of y/n?? he would go soft immediately at the sight of the child and would probably love giving lots of branded clothes it will be good enough for more than a year ☺️🥲😭

oh and there is this one scene in chp7 that reminded me of the recent korean movie i watched i dont wanna say it in case you wanna check it out its called sweet and sour and oh god idk why but watching it, mind keeps on prompting your fics 😬😬 maybe bcos i some of your fic always had med related topics and the main actress role there is a nurse. i remember that you’re on your clinic training so maybe thats why 😳oohh pls don’t forget to take breaks and be safe heart and oh ur a psych major too? oh wow hi ig in relation to one actress in the sweet and sour fic, she was also in a kdrama the heirs- which was popular at the time with it being packed with some solid household actors and actresses. sky castle tho, ig it relates to the theme of reckless more because its mostly how parents from the upper class will mindlessly destroy someone’s life to attain their materialistic desires  🤧🙂

this fic, easily in my top 3 ‘heart belongs to who it dictates’ so many twists, so much drama and ANGST! YES BESTIE GIMME THOSE ANGST 🥲😌

i hope you’re doing well nowadays :’)) we need to find gege the best chiropractor to take care of his back, so good that it’ll make naoya respawn to life 🙂 suki i don’t think i’ll get tired of saying how much i love your work that it feels illegal im reading it for free 💔. i don’t really have much to offer, but im wishing you good health and success in your life :’)) aah i’ve mentioned this already but take care always 💕💖😊🥰

- 🍳

read the new chapters and aAAACKKKKK BESTIE???

y/n - ‘I was born to make everyone’s life a living hell’ maam this LINE?! JAW DROPPED, TIME STOPPED being insecure all her life and wanting to live up to the expectations to her dad just to have that sliver of attention from him, that sentence gives us a glimpse on how little she felt despite being accomplished, rather successful actually because she always cleans her boss’ mess have a lot of baggage to unpack. and when the secret was confirmed, her anger rejects all of the entity that ties with her past because both her parents deprived her for the things she was supposed to have– becoming greedy to fulfill those. then eventually, somehow, going back to her roots aka being humble after having the talk with her dad. As most of her insecurity started because of him and how she had to be the bigger person for his other family, clearing out the misunderstanding between them brought a sense of peace  while she’s settling in the restless turn of events.

and with our main man gojo, this guy, it is not wise to- 😤😤 how can you say you’re engaged after doing the body tango huh? esp when you said you want y/n to be your wife? oh gee and the revelation of his past relationship with mia and how he sees her in y/n is so fucked up. can’t help but think that satoru wanting to marry and be this lovey-dovey with y/n is just him reliving the moments that mia never gave him in the past. and y/n accepting that their current relationship is based on how they’re filling up the cracks in their needs and settling for the sake of familiarity. imagine how deep in love our girl is to keep satoru in her life 💔 im still in it for the second lead agenda

needless to say, everyone here needs a therapy so they can get their shit straight together 🤧🤧 (ノ•̀ o •́ )ノ ~ ┻━┻

BUT i know you mentioned this many times but laywer! naoya all poised and in his best behavior while helping y/n in her new situation has my heart go💕💕 winning lots of cases and is known in his field, he proved that he is both beauty and brains. and the pen spin??? man be pulling those fast spins either to distract or impress the person he is talking to flashing those perfect white pearls wtf now i can’t get that out of my head naoya brain rot 🥵🥵 also celebrity chef! sukuna in charge of all those delicious, exquisite cuisines? imma make myself broke just to taste his masterpiece🥲 ooh but how about him being a michelin star chef and owning a michelin-starred resto?! no doubt, left and right you see this man appearing on some high food magazine on the cover 😊😊 oh oh i also saw that supermodel! choso?? also his face is plastered on magazines AND luxurious advertisements ex. shibuya crossing! where most people be drenched in his glorious presence yea weird shibuya arc ref pls kill me and everyone talks how handsome and intimidating he is while he just have a rbf and only the closest people in his life get to see him drop that front 😌😌

with that in mind, imagine supermodel! choso being a godfather to the baby of y/n?? he would go soft immediately at the sight of the child and would probably love giving lots of branded clothes it will be good enough for more than a year ☺️🥲😭

oh and there is this one scene in chp7 that reminded me of the recent korean movie i watched i dont wanna say it in case you wanna check it out its called sweet and sour and oh god idk why but watching it, mind keeps on prompting your fics 😬😬 maybe bcos i some of your fic always had med related topics and the main actress role there is a nurse. i remember that you’re on your clinic training so maybe thats why 😳oohh pls don’t forget to take breaks and be safe heart and oh ur a psych major too? oh wow hi ig in relation to one actress in the sweet and sour fic, she was also in a kdrama the heirs- which was popular at the time with it being packed with some solid household actors and actresses. sky castle tho, ig it relates to the theme of reckless more because its mostly how parents from the upper class will mindlessly destroy someone’s life to attain their materialistic desires  🤧🙂

this fic, easily in my top 3 ‘heart belongs to who it dictates’ so many twists, so much drama and ANGST! YES BESTIE GIMME THOSE ANGST 🥲😌

i hope you’re doing well nowadays :’)) we need to find gege the best chiropractor to take care of his back, so good that it’ll make naoya respawn to life 🙂 suki i don’t think i’ll get tired of saying how much i love your work that it feels illegal im reading it for free 💔. i don’t really have much to offer, but im wishing you good health and success in your life :’)) aah i’ve mentioned this already but take care always 💕💖😊🥰

- 🍳

y/n becomes a real baddie when she’s pissed off 😫

hmm y/n wasn’t really working hard for her dad’s attention, it was more like she felt so left out and unwanted (she feels unwanted wherever she goes) that she just decided to pack up and support them from afar bcos to her, she’s so alienated in her dad’s family that she felt like she had to work hard to earn a spot in their table. she knows she’s the outsider but she wants to feel like she can be part of them, that she is also a child deserving of love and care, but becos her stepmom focused more on her actual kids and her own dad was too busy with his new family now, it made y/n feel that she had to do something to be worthy of that.

that’s why most of the money she made working in tokyo was still wired to her family; she put her brothers in school and supported them, all because she hoped it would make them accept her more. now, things are different because she finally found her biological family, but even if valeria and co. still don’t want her, y/n is now more focusing on building something that’s truly hers that no one can take away. yes yes, she did become greedy, but more for power than of acceptance. she got to a point she doesn’t care as much vying for her parents’ approval and now thinks her luxury gives her comfort; only because at least she has that much. like she said in the latest chapter, happiness was not what she needed, it was stability and money - all things she lacked before.

and yea she did go back to her roots! all of her issues started with her dad anyway but that part is slowly patching up 🩹💔 oooh actually your theory is right bestie 🧐 gojo found y/n interesting bcos she reminded him of mia, so the more she pushed him away, the more he’s like wait, i’ve been here before, let’s not repeat past mistakes but i can do better now. on the part where gojo talked to mia while she was asleep, notice how he said he’s given a second chance to do better now, all because he couldn’t do them with mia but he could with y/n.

ohhh actually y/n was the one who established that ‘fulfilling mutual need and settling for familiarity instead of being lonely’ type of relationship. gojo avoided her for weeks and he’s pretty settled in keeping his distance, but she was the one who sought him out. deep down, y/n is afraid if she doesn’t at least use him as an anchor to her more humble roots, then she might spiral out of control and end up like valeria, thus using him as a ‘distraction’ but in reality, she needs his comfort to be grounded.

SECOND LEAD AGENDA OMG LETS GOOO 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️ geto the fine fine option.

NO BESTIE MOMENT U MENTIONED LAWYER NAOYA I JUST KNEW I WAS GONNA SCREAM. okay but lawyer! naoya is so fine, i love his character so much bcos he’s a pure bean. originally, i was gonna make him an antagonist but i found he had more potential as a good, supportive character. HIS PEN SPIN HELPPP WHY COULDN’T HE JUST BEEN OUR BABY DADDY 😫 he pulls them fast spins bcos he’s nervous btw HAHAHAHA y/n can be quite intimidating and lawyer! naoya is sometimes too precious.

celebrity chef! sukuna is MEAN! he was pictured after gordon ramsay so lmao. omgggg sukuna being famous not only for his food but also his handsomeness 😳 he gets so cocky over how no one can get in his level while popping a battle of champagne, listening to ‘careless whisper’ while dancing to his reflection in the mirror 😤

also yoo supermodel! choso is THE hot shit 🥵 he’s so famous his schedule is packed for an entire year and a half and those are just for very selected brands and designers! ugh imagine going to work on the subway when you see supermodel! choso with rbf posing sexily and you swoon because he’s so sexy. plot twist that choso doesn’t know how to drive bcos as a kamo family member, they grew up with drivers taking them to and fro, so when his driver got sick and everyone else was busy, supermodel choso takes the subway himself and hides behind a face mask and cap while still wearing extravagant clothes that makes him stand out more. he does not have ‘subtle’ on his book at all.

and yeah people say he’s intimidating but its more his height and build + rbf! in reality, he’s just as soft and sweet as naoya, but both of them go into protective mode when someone they care about is being crapped on. and boy when they DO get into “what did you just say?” mode, better run away 🏃🏻‍♀️ supermodel! choso is also an heir to the kamo empire though not after the business, but he still has enough power to take you down in a second.

meanwhile, lawyer! naoya didn’t become this successful without being so savage yet composed he makes you question your entire existence before he drags you to court. lawyer! naoya is so scarily convincing that he can make you plead guilty even tho you did nothing wrong 💀

aaaah omg supermodel! choso LOVES babies actually! as the eldest child who looked after his brothers bcos the kamo parents are always away for work, being a father figure is so natural to him. i can picture him being the one who cries harder than gojo if the baby is born bcos he’s so excited, then reads poems to the baby before sighing that childbirth is such a beautiful thing 🥺

omg i know sweet n sour, the actresses are one of my faves tho i haven’t watched it yet! oooh they’re a nurse? i didn’t know that 🧐 i actually finish my short training in a week so i’ll be heading on to heavy majoring in psychology! wait bestie are YOU also a psych major 😳💕 oh and i see i see, sky castle *jots that down for future references* reckless actually has lots of significance in terms of the parents’ roles so i’m excited to see that! and aww thank you so much, can’t believe i made it in someone’s top three 🥺💕

HELP AHSKWKW i’m gonna call the best chiropractor in the world and send them gege’s way, i’ll cry a river if that’s what it takes to bring my boo back to life 😭 and noo baby the support already means a lot to me, i’m just happy to indulge in my hobbies and share it wih you all so thank you very much for everything 🥺 please take care of yourself too n have a nice day!! kith MWAH 💕

[flirting-with-psychology]

[zombiebandido]

Can you recommend any Neil Gaiman to me, aside from Stardust or Good Omens? I cannot

What’s the best concert you’ve been to, if you’ve been? Idk, I think I’m just not huge on concerts

What’s the funniest screenname you’ve ever seen? i-run-with-scissors-to-feel-dangerous

Is there an animal you like that most people don’t? Don’t think so

Is there an animal that you think is overrated in terms of how it’s liked? Goats or cows, maybe

Is there a time period you think is underrated? Not really

What about music? Showtunes

Do you find yourself listening to music that’s a bit more esoteric? No

What are your three favorite books and why? Harry Potter because of the worldbuilding, Mistborn because of the worldbuilding and characters, A Confusion of Princes because it is a fun standalone book

What about authors? Idk, I mostly like specific books  Do you have any likes you wouldn’t tell someone until you got to know them? Nah probably not

Do you have a favorite language? Not really

What about a place you’ve always wanted to visit? Ireland

What’s something someone does or says that just makes you laugh? Idk, it’s usually situational

Do goldfish crackers ever make you sick, or is that just me? No?

Do you have a favorite art style? Probably realistic

Do you have a favorite myth/fairy-tale? No, sorry I’m being boring with this quiz

Who is your favorite person aside from family? Probably my bff

Do any of your pets (if you have them) have weird quirks? My cat was just very emphatic

Do you listen to music from anywhere besides America? Not really

Have you ever “quit” a site and came back to it more than once? No

Do you have an “odd” fascination with anything? Dice

What is the thing you want most at this moment? An interesting job and a return to normal from the pandemic

What was the last book you read and what was it about? I’m currently reading The Martian about an astronaut stranded on mars

What was the worst book you’ve ever read & why? Walk Two Moons because the twist ending fucked me up

Do you have a favorite breed of dog or cat? Which? Golden retrievers

If you like any anime/manga, what are some titles you recommend? I don’t really like it

What do you think about school in general? I thought it was interesting and I wish I could go back

What’s the hardest thing you’ve been through, & what did you learn from it? Maybe the braces. Dk what I learned from it

What are three “unrealistic” things you want most? An interesting creative job with steady and high pay lol, the lottery, the good place experience from The Good Place

What are some of your favorite foods? Pasta, chocolate, cereal. I am a simple girl

Where do you like to buy your clothes? Kohl’s, Macy’s, and thrift shops

Do you take any daily vitamins? When I remember

Who are three of your favorite fictional characters of all time? Kelsier from Mistborn, Sirius Black from Harry Potter, Raydan Lykel from The Crown and the Flame

If you had to give the world a pre-existing mythological/fictional being, what would it be? Idfk

When buying Slurpees, if you do, do you get only one flavor or mix them? Mixing is fun

Do you have a favorite 7Eleven food? No

Do you have any desire to learn (a) foreign language(s)? Which? Not strongly

If you could have any career, “realistic”-ness aside, what would it be? Something in film maybe

What are three memorable movies from your childhood? The Little Mermaid, Harry Potter, Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper

Do you, personally, put a space after ellipses, or not? Let me check... do I? I guess I do

What do some of the things that inspire you have in common? Making things

Micky D’s sweet tea, y/n/other? No

What are three of your best (non-physical) qualities? Creativity, honesty, smarts

What are three of your worst (again; non-physical) qualities? Stubbornness, anxiety, lack of empathy

What is one of your firmest beliefs? I don’t really have firm beliefs

Do you ever question things until you’re unsure of even the silliest thing? Yes

Do you have anything that keeps you from doing something you’d truly enjoy? Anxiety and procrastination, and money

What are your three biggest pet peeves (personality-wise) in others? Holier-than-thou people, acting like you’re too cool for fun, being unsafe

Do you work to fix your faults? Or at least, admit to them? I admit to most of them but I’m not so great at working on them

What are three of your best physical qualities? (NOT EYES!) Why not eyes? Other than that, I guess hair color, boobs, singing voice (at least I’d like to think so)

What are some of your greatest aspirations? Do something fun, have a good social life, see what I would look like in my prime

How do you hope the world will change, if at all? Get done with the pandemic, stop having capitalism be so shitty

Who are three (fairly known) people you find very intriguing? Taylor Swift, Voldemort, F. Scott Fitzgerald

What are three things that make you the happiest? hanging out with friends, crafts, cuddling with my boyfriend

What is/are your view(s) on god, religion, spirituality, or relations to? I don’t believe in them

Are you arachnophobic or scared of spiders in the least? YES

Do you play WoW? What do you think of it either way? No, I am just not that into video games

What kind of computer do you have? Windows 7/Vista/XP/Other? Macbook Pro

What are you good at? Crafts and school

What career do you hope to have? Something creative

Are you taking any interesting classes in school/do you not attend? I’m finished with school but I wish I could go back

If you don’t attend, are you taking any “lessons” for anything? No

A book/piece that has had an exceptional impact on your life? Harry Potter

If you know of pandora.com, what is your favorite station? I haven’t listened to pandora in ages

Have you ever “lost” a friend in any way? How did you deal? Some just faded away but some actively ditched me and I tried to find out why

Any music recommendations? Showtunes

What are at least three of your biggest fears? Spiders, living a mundane life, covid right now

Most recently read book that you liked? A Confusion of Princes

Do you have a piece of jewelry you don’t like to take off? No, I have so many that I like to alternate them

Do you have a favorite quote? Why is it your favorite? Carpe Diem. Haven’t lived it much lately though Any odd pastimes you have? Making lists and charts

Are you quirky in any way? (Name them please). My fashion sense especially in high school, the nerdy things I do

Have any practices you aren’t opposed to but wouldn’t do yourself? Probably a lot, I’m generally of the live and let live mindset

Political standing?

Left

Do you have any piercings/what do you think about piercings? I just have my ears pierced

Do you have a favorite material? I’m a fan of soft materials like suede or velvet, also metals like copper and silver

What are three names you’d name a pet if you HAD to get a pet right now? It depends on the pet

Do you like to listen to dorky/amusing music? Idk

Coffee vs. Tea vs. Energy Drinks: Order from favorite to least favorite. Tea, energy drinks, coffee

Do you like more “fruity” sweets or “savory” sweets? Fruity unless it’s chocolate

What do you hate the most? Spiders

What genres of music are your favorite? Showtunes

Do you believe in true love? Idk

Do you believe in love at first sight? If yes, why? No

What are some of your favorite clothing accessories? Jewelry

If reincarnation exists, what sort of person would you want to be next?

One of those outgoing guys that always has adventures with his friends What are some things you believe strongly in? Idk

Where’s your favorite place you’ve been? London was pretty cool, also Italy

What sort of books and movies do you like? For books: sci-fi, fantasy, dystopia. For movies: rom-com, sci-fi, musical

What’s your favorite thing to do on a rainy Saturday? Idk, just stay in

Is there a book you’ve read that really touched you? The Great Gatsby just because I related to Gatsby a lot

Do you have a favorite artist? Taylor Swift

PC or MAC? Mac

What do you love doing? Crafts, shopping, board games

If you could create the perfect world for yourself, what would it be? Basically just the good place from The Good Place. Unlimited time and resources to learn and try things without pressure to make money off it

Do you think that fate plays a part in people’s lives? Not really

Are you religious, spiritual, atheist…? Atheist

What are your opinions on the media? The media is a very broad range of things

Do you think that people throw the words “love” and “hate” around too much? Idk

What is your favorite piece of technology that you own? My laptop

What’s a piece of technology you’d like to own? I have what I want at the moment.

Are you afraid of technology developing to where we’re too reliant on it? A little bit of getting to the point where a lot of jobs get replaced with AI, because instead of making lives easier like they could be, there will just be a huge unempolyment problem that our stupid capitalist society won’t solve

Does it bother you when people do things to fit in with a certain crowd? If it’s not what they want to do

Hot or cold? Cold Do you think that Bzoink should extent the character amount for questions? I don’t use Bzoink

Do you have a favorite combination of complimentary colors? Maybe green and pink

Do you know why all the young people who have nice cars always look grumpy? I don’t think I’ve noticed that

What’s your favorite odd ice cream flavor? Lemon Sorbet or Coffee Toffee Bar Crunch

Where do you like to get your ice cream? Haagen Dasz or Ben and Jerry’s

What’s your opinion on stereotypes/labels? Idk

Do you ever use random word generators for Bzoinkoids?

What?

Do you believe that history repeats itself? It sure seems like it is

Would you rather learn from your mistakes or just undo them? Learn from them

What was the most interesting class you had in school? My words and music class in college Do you write? If so, what? I used to write poetry, I sometimes come up with stories but I don’t really write them

Do you have a favorite website? Tumblr and Etsy

Do you think that the quality of TV shows is going down? No, there are usually good ones to discover

Do you have a favorite culture? Maybe Celtic. I just like the art patterns What was a story you heard as a child that really affected you? The Headless Horseman scared me a lot

Who was your favorite grade-school teacher and why? My third grade teacher and my 6th grade math teacher

Do you think that the world will end? How? Probably in a few billion years when the sun turns into a red giant

Do you believe in Global Warming? Have you researched it? Yes but I haven’t researched it

Do you prefer piercings or tattoos? Tattoos

Do you remember your dreams? Sometimes

[baekhyyun]

Accused Love | KNJ

» pairing: kim namjoon x reader (ft. lim jaebeom and byun baekhyun)

» genre: angst(???), cause it ain’t fluff children rn, sfw, mystery, stranger to semi-lovers

» rating: PG13

» word count: 3.3k

» Warnings: strong language, the lack of namjoon's name being used, jaebeom and baekhyun got more screen time than the damn main character i’m sorry

a / n: THIS IS ACTUALLY A NAMJOON FIC JGSKVSDS , even tho i mention his name like 5 times (ITS NOW 8) throughout the whole this fic (!!!!!) , this is also my first full fic so bare with my shitty writing and it's debuting after 5000 years. This beauty is apart of the Luv Library Project under the mystery category! There will be more than one part !!!! I wanted to post something before we got to the good part jfksnkvjdfkj. Thank you to everyone who has helped me and encouraged me with this fic!

Special thanks to @jungtaeyoongles for being there with me from the beginning, bouncing ideas off with, helping me plan this whole story and beta reading as well! Thank you to @meowxyoong for bouncing ideas with me too! Thank you to @thinksshesawolf and @ dee-ehn for beta reading this mess and clowning me in the process. We know who the real main character is in this fic.

The night sky was pitch-black, making the stars shine bright like diamonds against the darkness. Being located in the heart of Seoul, the stars shined brighter than the lights hopping off all of the tall buildings in the quiet, busy city. Jaebeom, one of the many infamous mafia leaders in South Korea, found himself waiting in the night for his next crime. Being the head meant sending someone under him to do the crime itself without getting his hands dirty. Yet with bad timing, he was out of luck for the night. All of his men found themselves in different missions committing different sins to bring in the money that the head wanted.

 After becoming the head boss, he stopped going out and living life to protect his own, his hands never touching anything besides the gun strapped to his chest hidden from the public eye or the money that was earned by his henchmen. He felt like he was on top of the world again after being away from the scene for so long. Jaebeom, believing his skills were rusty, turned to money laundering to build up his skillset again. Oh, was he wrong.

 He was on a hot streak and subsequently oozed cockiness from each movement he made. Every step Jaebeom took felt like pure muscle memory. He was a greedy man that wanted money. Money made the world go round. You could buy anything and anyone with a couple of hundred-dollar bills. The man had an insatiable desire for money. $100,000 was not enough to sustain his need for money.  He wanted more. He wanted $500,000. It felt right to him. Not bothering to double-check his work, he just went for it as his life depended on it.

 Never in a million years, would he have thought that he would be wiring money from a gaming company. Tencent, one of the largest Asian companies and known worldwide, did not scare him. He felt that this job was easy. Getting access to this place was a piece of cake, he thought. His charming personality is what got him the keys to the records room, housing every transaction that the company has ever made.

 Jaebeom thought everything was going smoothly, but he could not be more wrong. After being here for three hours wiring this money, he realized that he made a rookie mistake. How could he use his ID card to get access to the files? Why did he not use his boss's card to open up the files? All these questions went through his head at lightning speed that caused his heart to start racing, he felt like his ears were going to burst from the sound of his own heart. The world around him was crashing down at a fast pace that he had to think of something fast.

 "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Jaebeom hissed to himself. How could I be so reckless? I can't let myself get caught over this shit. I gotta get out of here!"

 His senses went haywire where he couldn't think straight. Getting caught in this building around this time was the least of his worries. He needed out and that's what he was trying to do with his mind racing.

 As the clock ticked, Jaebeom rushed out the building to his car that was parked 5 blocks down the road. His only thought was to find a solution to this shit show that he had created the minute he walked in that building. His luck ran out.

 "Fuck me, man!" he continued to tell himself while running as fast as he could.

 "T-this is the o-one that f-fucks me o-over, and it's the simplest-t s-shit that gets me," he stuttered trying to control his breathing.

 Relief washed over him as he spotted his car hidden behind a dumpster. He still wasn't out of the clear. Slowing his pace down, a new thought popped in his head: should he have called someone to help him out? He thought it was best, but he didn't want to feel embarrassed at the thought of his underlings catching a whiff of the mess he created doing a simple job. He was the mafia boss for crying out loud. Making a mistake was out of the question, getting help was out as well. The more he thought of calling someone the more he got frustrated with the idea.

 The car roared to life, one hand reached the gear shift and set the car in reverse then back to drive. Hitting the gas pedal, he drove off with nothing but a dust cloud left behind. For being a mafia boss, he sure is fucking stupid, never once did he think that he would be making a mistake like that.

 Reaching a red light at an intersection, he noticed that the city was waking up to begin their day. He only had a couple of hours to come up with a solid cover story until he was supposed to show up at work again. Looking out the window he noticed the cars pass by; one car caught his attention. He thought this was his chance that he couldn't miss. It was a perfect idea from his point of view. Framing someone else was a bit of a bitch move but if he got out the clear, fuck, he would do it a thousand times over.

 He thought that using his rival would get rid of him for good so that he could be number one and rule Seoul from behind the scenes. Having everyone shirk in fear brought such joy to Jaebeom that he needs to go through with this plan. Becoming power-hungry made him crazy. He was thirsty for it and was going to do anything to get it. 

 Realizing that the light turned green, he makes his way back to the company for damage control. Who knew that bringing an end to his rival would make a man smile like a mad-man, but he thought it was so worth it to do so.

 The ride back was fairly quick for Jaebeom. As he got closer to Tencent, the police were there parked in the front of the building. He had to find a way into the building without being spotted. Circling Tencent, he decided to go through the backway. He still had his ID card on him, so if the police caught him right there he for sure would kiss the $500,000 goodbye.

 Parking his car in the alleyway behind the company, Jaebeom made his way to the back door cautiously. The perks of being named leader, it showed that you can handle any situation no matter the outcome, finding a solution to the mess he created was ironic.

 Slowly making his way up the stairs, he avoided any main hallways, not wanting to draw unwanted attention. Climbing twenty flights of stairs was not something Jaebeom planned for. He felt more guilty with each step he took for messing up a simple thing. He wished he had powers to reverse time and start over from the very beginning, but alas, he was never going to get that wish.

 Reaching the eighteenth floor, Jaebeom noticed no one near the entrance to the stairwell. He silently thanked the gods above to have come all the way up without getting caught. Twisting the knob to the door he slowly opened it and peaked his head to see if the coast was clear and surprisingly it was. Closing the door again, he stayed put in the stairwell. He found it strange that no one was guarding this floor, the floor where Jaebeom was located a couple of hours ago.

 Jaebeom's suspicions grew more as he stayed put, thinking of all the possible outcomes of this situation. None of his answers made any sense, the dots were not connecting at all. This pissed him off more than it should have.

 Deciding to give up, he moved on to the top floor where the CEO's office was, along with his own. Jaebeom's job title wasn't much, but that charming personality of his got him that spot on the top floor alongside the CEO. Everyone hated that Jaebeom got special treatment because he came here with no experience. He created enemies, did he care? No. It made him mad with power. He enjoyed that idea of people hating what he had and what they couldn't get.

 There was a scream that pulled Jaebeom out of his thoughts. "Where is he?! What do you mean you can't find him?!" one of the cops said into his phone.

 This is where it became challenging for Jaebeom, finding a clear path into the hallway without getting spotted by anyone. Peeking through the crack of the door, he noticed a tall man with a tan trenchcoat dressed up in an expensive suit. The realization hits him when he notices who the man was. It was none other than Kim Namjoon, a leader in the underground business and upper business, but to Jaebeom he was just a rival.

 He wondered why Namjoon was here, he had no business being here. Yet here he was waltzing into the company like he owns the place. The confidence that Namjoon gave off made Jaebeom sick to his stomach. How could someone just act confident all the time?

 "God, he's so infuriating, like can't this man even act normal," Jaebeom muttered to himself. "I just want to punch that stupid smirk off of his face."

 The wheels were turning in Jaebeom's head that after everything, he was getting some luck after the morning he had today. Reopening the door, he noticed Namjoon walking away from the coat closet. This was his opportunity to get rid of his ID card.

 He couldn't go out into the main hallway, he would get spotted quick. He needed to find a way to get himself into that coat closet. He had to think of something fast, there wasn't much time to waste. Looking back to where the officer was, Jaebeom couldn't find him.

 "Where did he go? He was just there," he told himself. Another voice caught his attention and it was from the CEO, Baekhyun. He was talking to the officer that Jaebeom was looking for. He felt so blessed to have him occupied. Looking left and right, he noticed that the coast was clear and booked it straight to the coat closet.

 Closing the door behind him, he was met with darkness, looking for the light switch with his hands. As he found the switch, the small closed space lit up. "Now where is that trenchcoat of yours," he whispered. "Ah, I found you, my dear sweet savior. Oh, how you are saving me from so much work."

Grabbing his ID from his coat pocket, he quickly placed it in Namjoon's trenchcoat and turned back around. Opening the door, he made sure the coast was clear once again and stepped out. Jaebeom made his way to the CEO's office and knocked on the door. Baekyhun and the officer turned their heads, noticing that it was Jaebeom.

 "There he is! Get him," Baekyhun loudly spoke.

 The officer was charged towards Jaebeom and before he could utter a word his hands were behind his back and his body slammed against the door. Groaning out loud from the impact Jaebeom asked, "What's going on, why am I getting slammed on a damn door by an officer?!"

 "Quit playing coy, Lim, what did you do with the money you stole from the company?" Baekhyun asked.

 Facing the man who asked the question, "I don't know what is going on, I just got here," Jaebeom's voice dropped a few octaves deeper.

 Baekhyun darted towards Jaebeom pushing the officer out of the way and turning Jaebeom around to face him. "Lim, I won't ask you again. Where is the money?!" he yelled, stressing each word as he spoke.

 "And I'm going to tell you again that I don't know what you are talking about!" Jaebeom rebutted back to the CEO.

 Baekyhun was just fuming with anger from Jaebeom's answer. Baekyhun swore that he was just bluffing and acting dumb, but the confusion on his face made his story more believable. Letting go of Jaebeom, Baekyhun walked towards the window of his office that gave him the best view of the busy city below. He was at a crossroads, not knowing what to do. He wanted to believe Jaebeom but the evidence was right there.

 Jaebeom silently watched his boss freak out, trying to understand the words that he spoke. His boss was at war with himself. Jaebeom thought he could use this as an advantage; to confuse the man more than he was.

 "Baekhyun, you know that I would never do anything to harm this company or to betray your trust," he spoke out loud.

 Baekhyun just stared at the man, his expression unreadable. Jaebeom couldn't figure out what he was thinking. Was Baekhyun figuring out that everything he's said was a lie? Jaebeom couldn't go down like this, this was not going to be the end.

 "Baekhyun, please I don't know what is going on, but I can tell you that I haven't seen my ID since yesterday. If that can help my case in any way," he hopelessly said.

 Jaebeom silently pleaded with Baekhyun to give him a chance to hear him out, which reluctantly he did. Baekyhun gave a hand signal to the police officer to leave the room and give the men privacy. "You have five minutes to tell me your side of the story or I'll ask the cops to take you away from here," he insisted.

 "As I said before, I haven't seen my ID since yesterday. The last time I saw the thing it was on my desk in my office. After that, I couldn't find it," Jaebeom lied through his teeth.

 "You lost your ID and didn't bother telling anyone about this?" Baekhyun questioned him.

 "Listen, I didn't think much of it when I couldn't find it after I left work. I thought I could find it when I got here today, but here we are." Jaebeom briefly paused.

 "I was planning on telling you today if I ended up not finding it!" he continued, "I can show you where I left it in my office and you can let the officer search too."

 Baekhyun was hesitant on taking Jaebeom's offer on searching his office, he was stressed and he was doubting everything that was said by this man. His trust in him was dropping rapidly, but did he have another choice? He had to go for it even if he ended up looking like a fool.

 Rising from his seat, Baekhyun walked around his desk and stood in front of Jaebeom and just stared him down. "If I found out that you are just fucking around and we find that ID of yours, you are out of here and out of my sight," leaving Jaebeom in his seat, Baekhyun walked towards the door and looked back, "Hurry up, we don't have all day. I have to do damage control because of you."

 Jaebeom quickly got up from his seat and followed his boss from behind, making their way to his office. The officer trailing along asked where they both were heading, Baekhyun quickly answering, "To his office, we are going to search for that ID card of his that supposedly was lost."

 "But sir, we don't have a search warrant to partake in this. We will not be able to assist you," the officer explained.

 Baekhyun continued to make his way to Jaebeom's office, telling anyone that walked past him to follow. Not a word was uttered when he spoke to anyone. The workers just simply followed like mindless slaves, not questioning his orders.

 Walking into the office, Baekhyun strolled quickly to the desk in the middle of the office and began to rummage through the files that laid on top neatly. Everyone that followed along began to do the same, going to different parts of the room and not leaving a corner unturned. Jaebeom just stood by the door not knowing what to do with himself besides watching the disaster unfold.

 Looking up to face the man that caused all the distress, Baekhyun spoke out loud, "Lim, it is best if you stepped outside and just stood by with the officer. You are truly not needed here."

 Jaebeom was offended by the words that the man spoke to him. It never crossed his mind that he would be pushed out of something that involved him. "To be fair Baekhyun, I don't think that is a good idea. What if one of the workers here is the culprit and trying to frame me over what happened? I'm sorry but I am not leaving this room until you all leave with me." His voice roared across the room.

 Baekhuyn rolled his eyes at his subordinate's stubbornness, it made him feel sick to his stomach that he did not want to walk. This was something that Jaebeom took very seriously. Never once did this man raise his voice at anyone during the job. He took everything that was handed to him without a single complaint. It scared Baekhyun that Jaebeom stood his ground and didn't budge one bit.

 "If you won't leave then stand by the door and don't get into anyone's way, Lim," he spoke with venom in his voice.

 Pleased with the response from his boss, he walked back to the door and just watched. No one knew what was to come at the end of this search. It was entertaining to watch everyone look through his belongings. They were never going to find anything and it made him ecstatic to have this type of knowledge over people.

 "Sir, we couldn't find anything in the cabinets,"

 "Sir, the bookshelf is clean,"

 One by one each person that Baekhyun brought with him ended up not finding anything. This made his blood boil, that not only could they not find anything, he as well couldn't come up with anything. His whole office was clean. Countless thoughts came to mind that gave him a migraine. Where could that ID of his be? Who took it? All these questions came to mind and none of the answers that he came up with seemed logical.

 With a huge sigh, Baekhyun told everyone to go back to work, this was a huge blow for his ego. Being proven wrong was his least favorite thing in the world. Being right about everything made his day, the power he felt was his drug. It was intoxicating to him. He needed this. Slamming the folders that laid on the desk, Baekhyun paced towards Jaebeom with anger in his eyes, he was not pleased when everyone came up short in their findings.

 "I don't know where you hid that ID of yours but if it's not found in the next twenty-four hours, you are on your own." he spat.

 Jaebeom wasn't shocked that his boss was worked up over not finding the missing ID. It actually made his day. Playing coy was his strongest suit; he enjoyed playing clueless. This was a win for him, the sight of his boss losing hope little by little. Everything was falling into place on how he imagined it, sweet victory was close. All he needed was the last piece to fall into place.

 Baekhyun sighed out loud, finally releasing Jaebeom from his grip and walked out of the ruined office. Jaebeom looked around and just smirked like a mad man and decided it was time to wrap things up. Shouts could be heard from his office, which made Jaebeom run out to where the commotion was. All he saw was three cops surrounding Namjoon, who was confused with everything trying to explain.

 One of the officers quickly grabbed hold of Namjoon and roughly pushed him against the nearest wall, "Kim Namjoon, you're under arrest!"

 Copyright © 2020 franklytae. All rights reserved. Please do not repost on any platform or translate without permission.

[sociallyintroverteddumbass]

The Toxic people in the HH Fandom

Now this is something I wanted to talk about.

I have been in this community for some time now and it has been the most eventful, yet exciting time of my years. Seeing a large group of fans support a passion project / show made by talented and independent people is pretty damn great and I love it. But, there have been some situations that had reeked some havoc here and I think it’s time we talked about some of them. 

Unfortunately, I could not fit everything I wanted to talk about in this post since it’s a bit overdue , I will be discussing 5 types of toxic people and some situations that had happened in the HH community. 

Note: Most of the stories I’m going to talk about were either made public or had been told by my friends or people who have experienced these situations. 

I will not reveal the names of the toxic individuals or their social media names as I don’t want anyone to witch-hunting any of these people. As much as I hate these types of people, it would be inhumane to go and attack them. In this community, we are trying to bring positivity to the fandom and not attract any drama here. Despite this, I will offer the details of what these individuals have done that should have some light dazzled to help and inform of these disgusting  crimes in the community. Also if you go out of your way to harass any of these people I will beat you up and eat your fingers. You know better then to do that.

1. Harassment

Harassment is no uncommon thing. It can happen to everyone, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok. If you are being harassed or spammed by someone, BLOCK THEM. It is never ok for you to stay silent, especially when that harassment is continuous. If you disagree with someone about something, do not go spamming them in their dms or comments, cause’ that just make you look stupid and immature af. 

Allow me to explain. Role-Play / Role-Players are seemingly the most common in the HH Fandom and often answer questions from others to the the character they are rp-ing as or their ocs. But sometimes they are going to get weird fucking questions.

For example, my good friend @carol1826​ is a roleplayer. She roleplays Charlie and asks / answers ask from others (HH related or not). One day, she had a very annoying anon asking her the question “Are you single?” on her posts and ask box. Of course, she was uncomfortable about that question and deleted those until the anon finally said:

“Dumb bitch deleting questions I was only asking a question...”  

“I bet the real Charlie would answer my questions...”

Ok, first of all what the actual fuck and what type of human being would ask someone that question, especially to a Charlie rp blog. More specifically, why would anyone ask a roleplayer that question. It disgusts me that this anon would do this and I hope they get what’s coming to them.

----       ------      ---    --------         ----------  --   ----------------   -----                   ------- Another example of this comes from Tumblr and DeviantArt. You see, a strange user (we will refer to as “the User”) has been asking artists (minors and adults) a specific request in the HH fandom:

“Draw Angel Dust’s butt looking like his fluffy chest” Or sometimes even these asks: “Draw Angel Dust swallowing bullets” ”Draw angel dust smuggling drugs up his butt” “Draw Alastor killing Pentious with a penance stare” “Can I get a shot of Pentious' eye on his hat?” But it seems that the User would often ask artists to draw Angel Dust with his butt out or doing weird shit, but mostly Angel Dust’s butt.

Of course, they would be constantly asking and spamming artists to do this, even if the artist didn’t want to. They even went as far as asking a 13 yr old artist to draw his request. The User has also admitted that it was a fetish (butt fetish to be specific), which is ok but that doesn’t excuse their actions. Fetishes are normal and I have nothing against anyone who has one but it is not ok to try and demand and spam someone to draw it if they don’t want to. The User has been also stealing art, not crediting artists, participating in art trades but never doing their part, begging or persuading for artists to give free art to them (despite some artists who only do commissions), making fake accounts and harassing /  impersonating people, acting racist, etc. I recommend any HH artist to block this user immediately if you get an ask from them.

If the artist doesn't want to draw your request, then you should leave them alone.

It is not ok to spam an artist’s askbox or DMs the same request they rejected over and over again. It’s not going to do any good for you if you do this.

Not only that,

The User also does this to HH roleplayers, sending really weird rp asks to them, mainly those who roleplay Angel Dust. In fact, there was one instance where they sent an ask to a Angel Dust roleplayer in which they basically raped Angel or asked very perverted question about their “Fluffy Butt” (the worst one is when they asked Angel rp-ers to swallow a rat and see if it comes out through the butt), along with other weird asks and it’s fucking disgusting / disturbing as this makes the User look like an extreme creep. It is not uncommon for these types of people to ask others to satisfy their fetishes or sexual desires, and will do whatever it takes to get that fetish / desire expressed from anyone (minors or adults) they can contact, even if it is illegal.

Unfortunately, this User has also ask artists these requests on DA as well, but way worse than you could ever imagine. The worst instance was where they’d ask various artists to draw a frog with worms up its ass. Yeah, I’m calling the Art Police.  Recently, the User had posted on DA discussing this issue. Of course they were acting very perverse, deny that they spam artists (even though it’s the truth) and trying to pull a bullshit pity party / sob story by explaining how they used to be homeless for 2 years, abused and attacked, which (I clearly doubt is true). The fact they tried to defend themselves by talking about how shitty their life used to be fucking disgusts me and is so very pathetic, it makes me gag knowing that these people exist and we are forced to live among them. The User is obviously trying to pull people away from the situation by using the pity card, and it failed. Why the hell should anyone give you the benefit of the doubt that you have done these sick, twisted, and inhumane things to artists by spamming them gross requests and being a big baby when people call you out, as if you should even deserve pity to begin with?  Now of course, what the User is saying does sound very hard to deal with and very sad, but once it crosses the line (due to these actions the User has done and has been very immature and uncompromising about it) people won’t care about how you got there nor feel pity about it. Besides, I doubt anything that the User said is actually true, especially the “homeless for 2 years” part, since if that were the case, you’d be more focused on money and rent rather than asking artists to draw a character clapping their ass-cheeks. Currently on this user’s DA page, they’ve been doing these abominations of status posts for some time, posting pity-post stories in order to get sympathy and just bad. In one of their posts, they go completely ape-shit. Like, this is what happens when desperation and lies is your only option to escape your problems because you’re to perverse to try and fix those issues. I doubt anything this guy says is real anymore since, at this point, anything they say is just a way for them to get pity-points.  Here are the posts btw -----v

Overall, this user is a art thief, spammer, pedophile, manipulating, lying disgusting immature pig that should be eradicated from the internet and all communities for they have been nothing but harassed and cause problems in the fandoms they entered. 

In conclusion, If you are an HH rp / art blog and you are getting uncomfortable asks like these, do not respond and / or block the person asking, you have that right and these people can’t tell you otherwise. If you are harassing people like this, then shame on you for your actions and you seriously need to stop. Its not fucking ok and it will never be ok. NEVER FUCKIN’ EVER. 

2. Art Theft 

Now those of you who have been here for a long time in the Vivziepop Fandom, you will know that many people would sometimes repost Vivz’s artwork. Most of the time we usually don’t do this in the intent of stealing it but to share it or even criticize it. Seemingly Vivz doesn't have a problem with this, unless you are stealing it for you own personal gain and lie that it’s their art. That’s right, these bastards steal her art and claim its theirs. If you been frequently going to Vivz’s Twitter back in 2017, you might remember her calling out a blog that was stealing her art and saying it was theirs.

If you thought that was bad, not only does this happen to Vivz, it happens to other artists in the the HH fandom, the two I’m going to talk about come from @rabbit1225​ and @ztoonsz.

Rabbit1225 makes beautifully drawn artwork of characters, and they are especially well known for their fanart on HH characters in the fandom (Lucifer from HH to be specific). But, unfortunately as Rabbit continues with the fanart, others take it without permission. In fact, there was one instant where someone had ask Rabbit if they could use their picture of Lucifer in the Hazbin Hotel Wiki for Lucifer’s bio in a conversation on DeviantArt. Rabbit said no, but they didn’t care. They not only posted it on the wiki, they spelled Rabbit’s DeviantArt name wrong. Fortunately, Rabbit told the person to remove the pic immediately and told them off for not listening, and so far the pic was removed from the wiki.

This would soon lead to Rabbit putting big watermarks over most their artwork so art thieves couldn’t steal them. I mean, the watermarks are so big they take up the whole pic, which is smart. But still it is a very sad thing to see this happen to artist like Rabbit just because they make some good art of their favorite characters. Sure, asking artists for permission to use their artwork is ok, but taking their art (even if the artist said no) without permission is extremely wrong and disgraceful.  -------    ----              ------------                 --------------------------    -----    ----------

Ztoonz is also an artist who draws HH characters, including their HH oc. Suddenly, an Instagram user was not only stealing their HH art, but stealing various ones from another artist. Ztoonz confronted this thief, and it went pretty bad to say the least. The thief kept saying it was “Their art” and kept calling them insults like “Bitch” or “British Cunt”. What really put the nail in the coffin was when the thief  threaten to repost Ztoonz’s art and claim that Ztoonz was the one stealing it. Now that’s just cold. Of course, Ztoonz made a post regarding this and everyone started to report this thief. Thankfully, the thief deleted all of the art because they knew they fucked up and they deserved it. 

If an you are reposting another person’s art, you must ask for permission first. If don’t and just straight up do it anyway, be sure to credit them at least.

If the artist asks you to remove the reposted art, Do IT, as the art is theirs and not yours and you could get sued or even arrested by the artist for stealing their art.

 Respect an artist’s request to leave their art alone or credit them and move on with your life.

It’s not that difficult. You’ll look bad.

This also goes for Ocs as well, of course.

It is despicable and stealing another person’s character and / or art , it makes you look like you are devoid of creativity to make your own and it’s scummy.

 3. The Attack Of HH Shippings 

This is a tweet Vivzie made on her Twitter. I hope you read or at least acknowledged this tweet, because I’m going to talk about a certain issue regarding this. You see, the reason why Vivz made this tweet was because of the fact that there was an increase of actual people bullying other for certain  ships, canon or not, which I must say is just sad. Like, guys they’re just cartoon characters, calm the fuck down. If you’re seriously going to debate others about a certain ship and whether or not it’s canon for 2 hours, then you are the real fool here.  I don’t know what’s worse: -People shipping real-life people that don’t know each other / have no love or sexual relations with.  OR -People getting into heated arguments about certain fictional character ships from cartoons or shows. What more do we need to tell you? How many fucking times do we all need to say it to you people? Doing this is just going to make you look like a shit person, and an immature one at that. There is no reason for you to do this.There is no reason to attack someone for having some ship of an HH character because you disagree with it. I’ve said it, everyone has said it, even Vivzie herself has said it.  I know this is common in almost all fandoms and communities, but come on, ya’ll should be mature enough to know that being a bitch about stupid shit is just stupid. You guys are old enough to learn how to respect an opinion / interest, yet you people are crying like babies about how some people are shipping Vaggie and Angel Dust cause’ he is gay and not straight. THEY’RE JUST SHIPS! Not only that, even if Angel Dust and Vaggie used to be a couple in the older version of HH and it’s not canon anymore, you can still ship them regardless.

Sure, we all love our demons guys n’ gals but we need to remember they’re just characters and we can do whatever ships we want. Of course, there are going to be the weird looking ships, but we need to respect those ships. You have no authority to tell a person to kill themselves all because they shipped Charlie with Alastor. You are not the God of Ships, nor are you entitled to say you are. 

Speaking of the Vaggie x Angel Dust ship, my friend @scarecrowinc93 told me about someone supporting that ship here on Tumblr. They loved it so much, they made a kickstarter to make the ship canon. Fucking Madlad. But when people tried to tell them that it might not come true, they went ape-shit. They responded to all of this in a post and were extremely rude and bitter about it, though they tried to cover their tracks by deleting it as soon as they realize they fucked up. Now as much as we love fan ships and wish they could be canon, it might not happen and you need to except that fact. 

Just because you’re in a fandom that have excepting ships does not mean you can harass people for disagreeing with your ship or anyone else. I get it people should have free opinions here and there, but you don’t have the right to speak in a rude manner because someone didn’t like your ship. That’s not right and you know that.

4.”Is Hazbin Hotel a Scam?” Bullshit and Clickbait Slander

What happens when someone is desperate for views on YouTube? Slander and attempting to start drama of course! There had been two videos that have caused a bit of a steer. 

The first one was at the day of Christmas Eve, a video called “Is Hazbin Hotel a Scam?” was uploaded by some random person, and I gotta say I was pissed off and disgusted. This might as well be the most infamous video slandering Hazbin Hotel to exist. Words cannot describe this video, and the only way I can describe it is with this image:

I’m pretty sure everyone knows that Hazbin Hotel isn’t a scam. For one, Vivzie and the HH crew do not want to let the fans down, especially at this point in time as Hazbin Hotel is popular with a majority of fans, who are excited for the upcoming show. Do you really think Vivziepop would want to let her own fans down and lie about the upcoming show just to gain money? Yeah uh, how about no motherfucker. They’ve been working so hard to even stop the project at this point. Multiple clips from the pilot have been released to the public, and you can clearly see that the HH crew are working hard to make this show real. Animation that could make Disney cry, colors that pop and vibrate with beauty, and characters with designs that defy our ability to comprehend. For example, Ashely Nichols is one of the HH animators / artists working on the project. She is well known for the many streams she broadcasts. Most of them are usually of her animating various scenes, but with a bit of a twist. You see, to make these streams more entertaining, she brings in one of the several voice actors of Hazbin Hotel to the stream and have the viewers give voice requests said voice actor. In fact, she is currently in a relationship with Micheal Kovach, the voice of Angel Dust. Sometimes even Vivzie makes streams. During those streams some viewers would ask her various questions about Hazbin Hotel, and you know what she does? She answers their questions. Vivzie likes to talk about the Hazbin Hotel’s universe, especially her characters and want to share them with her fans.  So how is that a scam? If Hazbin Hotel was a scam, then why is the HH crew so dedicated to make this project successful? Explain that, cause’ it seems that the person who made this video might have something to say about this. I question whether or not this person is a troll or not, but I’m on the notion they did this for views since in their channel they have never talked about animation or anything related to that and probably doesn’t even know anything about it. Literally, when I first went on this person’s channel, there was barely anything in there that related to animation, art, or anything of that sort but (what I can assume to be) video blogs with barely any views. When I saw this, I could just feel the desperateness for views radiating from their channel. It’s like the equivalent of someone cashing in on a famous person’s death because they’re so desperate for views and attention. When first watching this “exposed video”, I honestly couldn’t even watch it at it’s fully entirety because it was that bad. The points this person made were too idiotic to take seriously and I feel bad for those who believed these disgusting lies. Here are just some of the “points” this person made about the so called “Hazbin Hotel scam”: - Having merch before the show has been released - Having no official release date - The crew only caring about money, not the fans - Having two Patreon pages (One is Vivziepop, the other’s Hazbin Hotel) These are just some of the “points” the person made in the video, and oh believe me it gets worse. While some seem understandable, most of them sound too abysmal to be true. Like seriously, “Having no official release date...”? How petty do you have to be to make up this shit? I get it, the internet can be a sketchy place and you can’t always trust the things you believe, but that statement does not make sense. Let me explain, most animation projects take time to make, like it can 5-7 hours to make a 10 second clip. Now imagine 30 minutes (which is how long the Hazbin Hotel pilot will be), imagine how long it would take to animate. Drawing every single frame neatly and correctly, making sure every scene is right, taking time and making it perfect. The amount of time and effort animators take on animating is astounding. Animation is hard and whether you animate or not, you know that it takes a great deal of toil and energy to do something like this, especially when it comes to 2D animation (which is the main animation style for Hazbin Hotel), where you have to draw each and every frame by hand. Animators need time to do this stuff and sometimes don’t when they’ll be done. Hell, animation companies like Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks, etc. need time for this shit and it could take them months or even years to even start the animation process. Even if these companies have a larger budget then Vivzie, that doesn’t mean she can’t full-fill her animation dream. Like I said before, Vivziepop has already released multiple clips from the pilot, talked about the universe of Hazbin Hotel and it’s characters, and overall make the wait for the pilot something everyone can enjoy. If it were a scam, the animation wouldn’t look completed / smooth, Vivzie would not be talking about the HH universe as much, there wouldn’t be as many animation streams being made, etc.

Apparently, the video was so bad, misleading, and plain retarded, Jakeneutron (who is an animator well known for doing stuff related for Steven Universe), told the person off in the comment section along with other people who actually have a brain. This person, this fucking person, was just spouting bullshit claims like how: 

“They only care about money than the project”

and

“It takes 6 animators to make the merch line and several days to release the merch line”

This person obviously doesn’t know how to tell a good lie because his claims are total bullshit and easily debunkable. The video might have been deleted since it hasn’t been seen near the top when you search “Hazbin Hotel” on Youtube but I don’t want to say it too soon, but if the video is still up then I recommend to not watch it as, like I said, just an attempt to start drama and get views from a pathetic troll / leech.  Seriously, these lies are so bad I feel like my brain cells are slowly dying just reading them.

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Next one, a video was uploaded seemingly in December  of another random person’s “reaction” to the Hazbin Hotel trailer and was pretty bad. One of the most idiotic claims this person kept dragging was that this was for children and it is very inappropriate. How? HOW?!

How is a show about demons, murderers, villains in Hell (with mild cursing and sex jokes) for children? This person literally thinks that anything animated is for children. I swear people with that mentality about animation always being “Family Friendly” are just plain idiots. Like look at Family Guy / American Dad / Bojack Horseman / Mr.Pickles / The NutShack, they all have mature and inappropriate themes in them, and they’re animated.

Generally speaking here, yes I do think young children shouldn’t watch HH for obvious reasons. Yes, even though the characters are really funny and enjoyable and the animation beautiful, it’s not mean’t for a very young audience. You could tell Hazbin Hotel isn’t family friendly the moment they talk about drugs, Hell, murder, genocide, etc. but this person acts like it’s going to corrupt our kids the nano-second they watch it. Not only that, they were involving religion into the video. Unfortunately, due my poor memory, I couldn’t remember what they said, but what I do remember was the title saying “I’m never leaving my church ever again...” and the thumbnail being the person seemingly holding a mini bible. Unsurprisingly, they got a lot of hate from that video, but for some reason the person was liking every comment (including the ones that were going against him), which begs the question, What the fuck? The video was deleted, of course.

Now, oddly enough this person is special in a way. They may just seem like your average slanderer towards HH, but they’re a weird one. You see for some reason this person kept making “review videos” on the HH clips or videos apparently supporting HH. Yeah, excuse me but what the fuck? Are they trying to cover their tracks? 

It’s hard to tell if they’re a troll or not because at this point I don’t know. First they slander HH, now they supporting it? What is this person doing and why?

One of my most biggest problems with their HH ‘review’ videos is how the jokes they make are bland, unfunny, and just confusing (to me at least). When they make an attempt at a joke, it’s hard to even call it a joke because it makes you debate whether to laugh or not. 

For example, in their “review” to “A Cautionary Tale”, Angel Dust says he’s “Not too big on politics”, and then the person takes out a MAGA hat, wears it, and says “Well, then you and I are gonna get along great!” I think it’s suppose to be a political joke since in the corner it said *Republican joke*, but at the same time it comes across as not really funny.

My second biggest issue I have about them is how they literally have no fucking clue on what they’re saying. Like they have no idea who the characters are, the universe of the show, etc. and honestly comparing them to an average HH fan, they have the IQ of a penny when talking about HH. In their “A Cautionary Tale” review video, they literally claimed there was no such thing as an “overnight” in Hell and that they’ve been hearing people say that everyone in the main cast of HH died in the 1940s (even though most of the characters have different personalities based on when they died, which is not just the 1940s). Yeah, this ain’t it chief. 

One of the most stupidest things this guy said was that Alastor was Adolf Hitler himself...  Yeah no. Like I’m not sure if this is suppose to be some sort of joke, but judging from this guy’s low knowledge on HH and them being obsessed the 1900s, it seems likely. 

Firstly, Alastor died in 1933, New Orleans (which was told by Vivz in one of Ashely’s streams) during the great depression before WW2, while Hitler died in 1945, Berlin during WW2. Literally, you could just google “Adolf Hitler” and it would show you his date of death on the right side of the screen when you google him, and for Alastor you would go to the Hazbin Hotel Wiki. It’s not that hard.

Secondly, if Alastor was Hitler, then he would have spoken in german or german accent, hate Jews / African Americans / Gays / Hipsanics / etc., have a swastika on this arm, and have the signature mustache or at least something like Hitler. Alastor speaks in a 1930′s voice and speaks english, literally (seemingly) doesn’t care about what race or sexual orientation you are, has no mustache.  

If you went and researched about these characters more on the Hazbin Hotel Wiki, then you wouldn’t look so stupid especially if you want to be invested in the show’s characters or the show in general.

If you haven’t noticed yet, this person is into some war history judging by his interest of World War stuff. I can understand that they may not know, but (like I said) you could literally go to the Hazbin Hotel Wiki to learn more about the story, rather than make dumb assumptions on things you don’t know. You have the internet, use it.

If you think that making video’s slandering a show or person gonna get you good-ass views, then fuck you. Doing this will do nothing but bring angry fans and confused people believing the things you say. If you find satisfaction from that, you are fucking disgusting and a trashy human being. 

5. Roleplay Bullying

Much like HH ship-bullying, roleplayers are being bullied by their way of roleplaying. One that has come to attention is one coming from the Twitter RP-Verse. They roleplay as Alastor and has been acting like a tyrant. You see, they are also an artist who do HH fanart and are well-known for it actually (but I won’t tell who). They would insult roleplayers for their ability or way of roleplaying behind their backs and it’s quite childish for someone to be mad at something so small and idiotic. The roleplayer would use their fans to try and force other rp-ers from the roleplay, as if they control it, which is false and you can’t really control a roleplay, unless someone’s being annoying af and I doubt that this Alastor roleplayer is doing what their doing for that reason. I can understand that territories like this can get pretty hostile, but regards to this specific situation there isn’t really an excuse. I’m not going to go too deep into this topic since (let’s be honest) is another version of HH ship-bullying but except it’s roleplay. Maybe next time I’ll go deeper into this.

So what did we learn today?

Today we learn how truly pathetic us humans can be. How people would go out of their way to conduct such petty crimes to satisfy themselves because they have nothing else better to do in their sad little lives. 

I might make a part 2 of this post, since I couldn’t talk about everything I wanted to say in this post since that would take forever to make. 

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Thank you all for read my post!   

I wish everyone in this community the greatest and to be safe on the internet. Toxic people are crawling left and right and it is important that we don’t let these people get to us, we are better than these people.

If any of you guys want to make a similar post like this, then go ahead! It would be much appreciated to help spread this awareness and make our or other communities less toxic. 

[apothecarywormcrud]

11 and 13 for Masato? 👀 i wanna say all of them for Masato but.

oh i am DOING all of them i wanna talk about masato

or. well. most of them. 

1. Does your insert have a name that’s different from yours? Does the name reflect their character in any way, or is it just because it sounds nice? How did you come up with it?

I’ve talked about this before, but Masato’s name is very specifically spelled 眞人, (the kanji for “real” and “human,” respectively.) I sorta knew from the start that I wanted to give them a name with 人 in it; something deliberately ironic, because Mayuri is a dick who loves a bad joke. 

(It’s a particularly cruel joke in the context of Masato’s original backstory, where they were meant to be an experiment in what happens when you let someone think they’re a real person and then strip that assumption away. But I wanted to give them sick powers, so that was shunted to the sidelines.) 

2. Does your insert have a very strong relationship with a f/o, maybe more than one? 

I talk about Szayel enough on here so I’m gonna talk about Nnoitra instead. In my version of canon, his mask is cracked open by Kenpachi, reducing him to a state similar to Nel’s. (That’s karmic retribution, bitch!) Suffice to say he’s pretty upset about this, and proceeds to skulk about Las Noches refusing to let anyone see him until Szayel gets back to fix things. 

Masato meets him by chance when their powers are still sealed up post-jailbreak (this one’s seal 2: electric boogaloo) and is all like, what’s with this sassy lost pre-teen? Eventually they become sparring partners, since while Nnoitra’s regaining his powers, Masato is the only person in Las Noches capable of fighting at such a low level; and once he’s got them back, they can go hog-wild without worrying about fucking him up too much. Their relationship doesn’t have the same...belligerent romantic tension that Masato and Szayel’s does, but Nnoitra is fond of Masato, even if he’s horrible at admitting it. They’re friends and they suck! 

More abt. Nnoitra actually bc I love this song: nerfing him puts him in a position where he’s forced to rely on other people, and despite feeling totally worthless and vulnerable and having to undergo the humiliation of being protected, there’s also the experience of being told, “So what if you don’t have any power? That doesn’t make me respect you any less.” So he has the opportunity to build his self-worth back up based on something less subjective, and now he can actually interact with other people on the same level, which is great news for Tesla, who gets to strengthen his spine and be truly up front about his feelings, because Nnoitra no longer has any power over him. 

I think, for relationships like these, finding a level playing field is super important! And I’ve always been fascinated by characters who develop in opposition to one another and eventually meet in the middle. Masato and Szayel are also that way, in that they round out some of his edges, and he sharpens some of theirs, and the actual feelings proper don’t start developing until a ways in, and they’re not even admitted until post-canon, because in order to even consider that sort of relationship, the two of them have to come to respect each other first. Enemies-to-lovers is a fucking ART. 

3. Who in their canon are they closest to? 

Kurosaki fam and by extension, Ichigo’s friends. Masato has commissioned at least one custom jacket from Uryu. Also Arrancar Squad and my friend Percy’s insert Juro, who’s a creepy little goth weirdo and a visored.  

4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? 

Masato is a mod-soul based off of Mayuri’s quincy research. They’re designed to passively absorb reishi until at max capacity (which is quite large), at which point they can be forcefully “detonated,” destroying them in the process and causing a significant amount of damage to the surrounding area as the stored reishi is released. As a weapon, they’re highly experimental—meant as a last resort rather than something put to regular use. 

Mayuri dumped them in the human world, where their reishi absorption wouldn’t negatively impact the Seireitei, and planned to let them simmer there for about ten years. There’s a seal incorporated into their gigai that not only blocks them from accessing the reishi inside of them, but prevents any outside force (such as hollows) from sensing it. 

Once they become aware of what they are, Masato gets big anxious about anything that implies they’re not a real person. I’d love to salvage Kon’s original personality from before he was relegated to pervy comic relief because I think there’s the potential for some interesting interactions there. 

5. Does your insert have any magical talents or otherwise special abilities? 

Passive reishi absorption, and after Uruhara modifies their gigai so they can access their power reserves, they can vent it from their body and use the force to blast themselves around or add more power to their blows. Their body is about as resilient as a normal human’s, but the only way they can truly “die” is if their soul candy is crushed, which means that injuries that would normally be fatal are just excruciatingly painful. This definitely isn’t just an excuse for me to fuck them up beyond all belief. 

Due to Szayel’s tinkering, they eventually end up as what’s effectively an artificial Quincy. 

6. Do they fight? What’s their weapon of choice? What’s the motivation for them to fight, or to stay OUT of a fight?

They prefer not to fight if they can avoid it, but if shit gets real then they won’t hesitate, bitch. They’re reasonably proficient with a blade after several years of kendo training, and like to bring a practice sword into dangerous situations. It’s not going to do much good against the likes of shinigami or hollows, but it makes them feel more secure, and it’s a good misdirection tactic. 

Due to the whole “functionally unkillable” thing, they’re also far more likely to take risks in battle, and have a tendency to rush in without thinking when one of their comrades is hurt. 

7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? 

It’s all cropped jackets and harem pants up in this bitch. I drew them in that sort of outfit once and now it’s all I give them. They don’t particularly care for their arrancar clothes, but it makes them less conspicuous and also, Szayel insisted on it. Can’t have your prized experiment running around looking like some sort of ragamuffin, after all. I keep meaning to write something where they visit Sastre for a fitting, because what good is having other arrancar OCs if I don’t do anything with them? 

8. How do they fit into their canon world?

A side character who tags along with the main cast but ultimately doesn’t impact events too much. They have their own wholly separate plot going for them and it involves self-actualization and kissing arrancar. 

9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? 

Kendo, gardening, bike rides through the countryside.

11. How easy is it to make your insert angry? Sad? How easy is it to twist their emotions into negative things? 

Masato’s actually pretty difficult to rile up, unless you’re pushing some Very Specific buttons (personhood is the big one), at which point they become incredibly easy to mess with. Szayel is...uncomfortably good at making them upset. 

13. What are your insert’s goals? 

Up to a certain point, they were happy to live a normal life and protect the people around them when called for. Then they wind up back in Mayuri’s lab and proceed to jailbreak Szayelaporro, retreat to Hueco Mundo, and strike a deal with him in order to gain more power and get mutual revenge on Mayuri. 

Post-canon...they start coming to terms with the fact that their body will never age and grow like a normal human’s, and that if/when they die, their soul will effectively be destroyed, and they decide, hey, fuck that shit, actually, and do a bunch of crazy science until they’ve got that shit sorted out (ultimately becoming like Nemu, if not something that improves on her design). 

14. Does your insert have any family relations? 

Isshin was the one who found them shortly after they were dumped on Earth, and kept them around for a number of reasons (the majority of which involved his Soul Reaper Senses tingling). So Masato’s got what’s effectively an adoptive dad and three younger siblings, who they dote on and bully interchangeably (and whose last name they may or may not have borrowed) (Isshin insisted on it, actually, since it’d make the documentation easier). They have temporary solidarity with Yuzu over not being able to see spirits. 

Mayuri is....arguably family but also like, fuck that. Masato does consider Nemu to be something like a sister, though, and feels particularly protective of her the more they interact. They have just as much a desire to help Nemu escape Mayuri’s influence as they do themselves. 

15. Does your insert have any enemies? What’s that dynamic like? Why are they enemies? Did they ever get along in the past? Is patching up differences out of the question for the future?

Fuck Mayuri me and my homies all hate Mayuri. I shouldn’t really need to explain this one. He treats Masato solely as an experiment and tool for his use. Unlike with Nemu, the fact that Masato is developing on their own is more of an inconvenience than anything, and before they broke out with Szayel, Mayuri was fully intending to wipe their memories and start over from square one. There is some good news, however, which is that Masato does get their revenge and uses their shiny new Quincy powers to seal up Mayuri’s reishi and get him kicked out of the captain’s seat. 

Szayel starts off as an enemy, since you can’t really have an enemies-to-lovers plot without one. He’s done some pretty atrocious things to Masato, but he treats them significantly more like a person than Mayuri ever did. Masato has very little respect for him, and the only reason they start working with him to begin with is because he represents a means to an end. Of course, the more time they spend together, the more tolerant they become of each other...among other things. 

[touch-of-venus]

I STAND WITH DAENERYS TARGARYEN. FIRE AND BLOOD

If Dany is going to be the Mad Queen...So be it. I don’t like it all. It destroys all the character development that has been built from George R.R Martin and the performance by the amazing Emila Clarke. But...

I’m so sick and tired of female characters and females, in general, being dogged out just for mere existence.

 If we cry or show emotion we’re too sensitive and should suck it up because it works so well for men, who bury their pain and lash out by violence but whatever that’s to be expected. We don’t challenge that and let violent men rape, abuse, and control the world. 

If we’re powerful, and play the man’s game. We’re bitches and should know our place. 

We have to be pure but appealing to men. 

Cover ourselves up. Oh but you’re a prude, and not desirable. 

Dress sexy or confident in your sexuality. You’re a slut and should not be protected. 

Women are pitted against each other instead of standing together because the patriarchial system knows we are too powerful and brainwashes us to be each other’s enemy. 

If a man does something it's like Jesus has been reborn, but if a woman does something equal or better it is ignored and criticized.  

It doesn’t matter what we do, women get the short end of the stick and it drives us crazy like how it drove Cersei insane and turned her into a monster that can’t be helped. 

Dany had been raped, beaten, abused, betrayed left and right, and lost many people that she loved. We have seen her struggle since day one. From her own brother to Khal Drogo to Quarth to Mereen.  She realized her power a lot faster than Sansa who just now started making her own decisions after years of letting others do it for her and resulted in her being used. Sansa spent a lot of the seasons sulking instead of actively campaigning for her future on her own. Yes, you can make the valid argument that Sansa did all she could to survive in the situation she was in. But Dany endured the same hardships as Sansa and she came out being a mother fucking Queen and Conqueror. 

She rose above what was expected of her and fought for what was right in her mind. It is flawed but she has been always been an outsider and cares deeply for others like her. She has a vision for a better world, unlike Cersei who would rather see the world burn as long as the flames don’t touch her and relish in abuse. Dany never relishes in harming people or play sick twisted games because she can. She does what she has to do in a cruel, evil world that would happily harm her and others.  Being a leader for millions of people is a slippery slope and that sometimes calls for brutality because the opposing team isn’t going to play fair as seen in not just in Cersei but also Tywin who orchestrated many slaughters. Or the slavemasters. The Freys. The Boltons. Euron Greyjoy. The Baratheon's.

 And I guarantee you if any of the male characters had dragons the kill count would surpass Dany and there would be fewer questions at their character. 

Dany worked so hard to get to where she is and people want to take it away from her. And the Iron Throne is closer than what it was since Season 1 so of course, she’s going to make mistakes out of fear because if she fails everything she did was in vain. All the accomplishments and changes she made like ending slavery would be erased. The rest of her people would be slaughtered by Cersei, her last baby would be killed. 

Then Jon sprang the news that all she has done might be undone and what? She’s supposed to be alright with that? Fall into a subservient good wifey role? Be thrown away like trash after all she’s done for the good of everyone else.  

Fuck that. 

Daenerys Targaryen has been through so much shit and lost so much, and the remaining people around her are no help. She doesn't owe anyone a goddamn thing and if she wants to destroy all of King’s Landing well...

Light it up Dany.  She can build her Queendom out of the remaining ashes of these hoes.

She is the ultimate symbol of female resilience, rage, and power.

 She is a reminder that we are powerful, clever, and strong. We are vulnerable. We love too much. Give too much. Suffer too much.  And we don’t owe the world anything. Our passion is hot like fire and we will not be put out. 

Long live the Mad Queen Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, the First of her Name,  Queen of Mereen, Queen of the Andals, the Unburnt, Breaker of Chains, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, and Mother of Dragons.

Dracarys Bitches 

[gloxinian]

ik i talked to him abt wanting to still be friends but, after thinking a lot, i’m really not comfortable still talking to somebody that was that toxic to me fr so long.  and ik posting this might not be the “classiest” thing to do but i feel like i have to get it off my chest bc otherwise a part of me is pushing to say “it wasn’t that bad” or to excuse it bc “well he apologized and said he wouldn’t do it again” even tho he kept doing these things and showed literally no signs of changing.  and i’m so tired of entering these conversations and having it lead to no change or be twisted to be about pitying him.  this isn’t really a callout or anything so i’m leaving his name out and there aren’t receipts or anything.  it might sound trivial bc i’m starting with the small stuff and working forward but idk.  i’m just tired and felt like i needed to write smth out.

im not sure the best way to word this, but i never felt like i could enjoy things or have things just fr myself.  the only way i could talk abt things was if i was criticizing them or it was smth he loved.  these are just a few things and alone each of them would just be annoying, but it all just compounded into making me feel miserable like i wasn’t allowed to love anything.

when i showed him a series that was very important to me, the first the he did was insult the art style, characters, story, etc.

when i started getting excited about pokemon swsh and the new pokemon, he immediately started mocking my favorite ones and sending me posts/articles talking abt how the game was going to be garbage, even after i asked him to stop.

when i got my first noise cancelling headphones and was excited abt how well they worked, he immediately told me that it was a good thing they were noise cancelling so i wouldn’t be able to hear him crying.

constantly glancing over my shoulder and making fun of what he saw me playing or enjoying.  new game he doesn’t play?  looks stupid/cheap/boring.  not doing great?  makes fun of me for doing poor even after i repeatedly tell him to stop.

and whenever he said something particularly upsetting like that headphones thing, he would immediately say “oh it’s an intrusive thought” or “oh it was just a joke” when i got upset and confronted him about it.  and he’d immediately turn around and make the situation about him and how i should be pitying him.

the worst examples of this come from over a year ago when i was still in college.  my depression was hitting me really hard bc i was back living at home instead of dorms, i was struggling really hard with classes, and had teachers that mocked me whenever i tried to ask questions.  i was actively suicidal during this time and had repeatedly expressed worries to friends and family that i wouldn’t be able to support myself in the future, that i was a failure, and i felt like my only option was to drop out so i would have at least some control in my life.  this was the lowest point i’d ever been.  i’m going to list a few things that happened from smallest to worst and it’s important they all happened during this time.  and he was aware this is how i was during this time.

he was friends with somebody that actively hated me.  fine, not that big of a deal bc friends don’t always get along with boyfriends.  but how this was handled was absolutely horrid.  this friend insulted me whenever i spoke, even told me i shouldn’t talk period.  he kept being friends with them and insisting we hang out more.  that friendship only ended after (1) they accused me of being a pedophile bc i felt physically sick hearing ppl talk abt loli/shota stuff.  and i was the only one who called this out for being so.  fucked up.  to call someone that for being distressed by even seeing cp terms.  he only said he’d talk to said friend after i was incredibly/vocally upset abt this. 

one night depression almost got the best of me and i stopped responding to any calls/texts/etc.  said friend got annoyed he was scared i might actually be dead.  this was the event that actually ended that friendship and honestly i’m mostly upset it took that friend literally not caring if i was dead for my boyfriend to actually give a shit how i was being treated.

he fucking.  cheated on me.  and told me how he was planning on moving in with the person he was cheating on me with “in case things didn’t work out with me”.  he knew i was suicidal over being uncertain about my future and did this, even telling me he was cheating on me BECAUSE of me being suicidal and uncertain.

the worst thing for me is that ofc he managed to make this about him.  maybe it doesn’t make sense for it to feel worse, but it does to me for some reason.  last time we even spoke about him cheating on me, he went on and on about how he hurt he was bc he felt used by the person he cheated on me with.  bc that person stopped talking to him after he told them he didn’t want to do sexual stuff anymore. 

things didn’t really get “better” or anything once i graduated.  if anything, they just got more stressful.  i was still stressed at whether i’d be able to support myself, but a bit more stable now that i had a job and a degree.  my ex moved in with the promise that he would be working to get a job so that he could support himself, grow confidence, and keep things equal.  i don’t.  have the energy to detail everything and don’t know if it’s right.  but the short of it is that i constantly had to nag him to even send out applications and he didn’t even want to go to interviews.  things got really stressful between us and it eventually came out (after i told him the relationship was unhealthy and unbalanced, that i had no desire to support him entirely as this was a source of extreme stress and a lot to ask of someone new to the work force, etc) that he expected me to fully support him financially and that was what he wanted.

he wanted me to fully support him financially, to take responsibility for improving his entire emotional maturity and recovery without taking any initiative, and to fully care for him once i got home from a full day of work (as i’ve been doing).  there was never a “what can i do for you?” or any signs/desire for positive change.  it was only “what are you going to do for me?”.  the relationship was incredibly unhealthy, unblanced, and it was clear that i wasn’t a partner but a surrogate caretaker.  and when i broke up with him, he accused me of breaking my promise to support him.

and i just.  i’m tired.  the whole relationship felt manipulative and unhealthy, looking back.  i don’t know.  maybe i’m wrong.  but i just don’t feel comfortable continuing to speak to somebody who repeatedly put me down, treated me like an expendable resource, and targeted the thing they knew i was most vulnerable about (my own independence and being able to support myself) when he knew that had made me suicidal in the past.

i know we have some shared friends and he’s probably going to paint me like some villain to you guys.  he already compared me to his previous abuser multiple times.  i don’t want to start some stupid “war” or drama or whatever and won’t push back or argue or anything because i have a ton on my plate both health and financially right now.  i don’t have the energy for stupid drama.  maybe i included more details than i should have, but i also left out a lot of details because i’m not really sure how much is appropriate here since this isn’t a callout or whatever.  there aren’t “receipts” since many of these things were personal interactions and i’m not looking to prove anything or make a callout.  you don’t have to believe me or read this or idk.

i just wanted to get this all off my chest.

[howlsmovinglibrary]

So i noticed you reblogged a lot of got. I followed you bc of your book reviews. I wonder if you read ASOIAF? It'd be cool for you to review it. And also it'd provide me see your stand towards the writing of the last season, & your perspective towards Arya as retconned Night King slayer, the dull (and abusive) romance bw jnerys, jon's character assassination and the lack of his POV, and the show being Dany's show (at the expense of other chars).

Oh wow anon, it’s very rare that I get asked to go off, but I’m more than happy to take you up on the invitation to rant!

In answer to your first question, I have read the first book of ASOIAF, but unfortunately I personally feel George R.R. Martin’s strength is his plotting, and now that the show has kind of unmasked the plot of those first books I find it difficult to slog through his writing style, just because it’s not suited to me. I got to 100 pages from the end where Ned Stark is wondering whether or not he’s gonna die and was like…I kind of know how this ends.

As for my manifold problems with the writing of this last season, I have them, although they don’t seem to be lined up with yours exactly. I have placed this under the keep reading tag, because Long Post. And Spoilers.

Arya

Ok, so as for the Arya plotline, I actually didn’t mind this. I realise it goes against a lot of the material of the books (which I haven’t read), but I think that however much of a retcon it is it makes a lot of logical consistency within Arya’s storyline itself. I was personally getting to the point, with Arya going around Winterfell and not really doing much, of wondering “why did she go to assassin school again?” I think that her getting to kill the Night King validates a lot of her plot arc, whereas before her training was slowly becoming useless and irrelevant to the current situation the writers had put her in - of course this goes out of the window come the last war.

I would actually argue that this decision, bar its illogical and rushed execution, had elements of why I loved GoT’s more established plot twists. You had a strong fantasy genre trope, the Chosen One, in Jon, and then reality intervenes and breaks it. Jon is trying to fight a fucking huge dragon, and is therefore, logically, preoccupied. So someone else gets the kill. I liked that. I mean, it seems like prophecy has just been UTTERLY DISREGARDED in this entire season rather than twisted or subverted, so I guess if we’re feeling particularly generous (which no one is) it might even be “making a point”.

 And yes, we haven’t seen any of her assassin powers over the course of this season (because the writers are retconning her into a nicer ‘antihero’ and not outright eviscerating psychopath), which makes me wonder why she even has them. But I’m actually ok with her getting the Night King kill.

And I’ll dream of the alternate universe where Arya kills Cersei wearing Jaime’s face, actually utilising her skills, getting her ‘green eyed’ kill, and fulfilling Cersei’s prophecy.

Danaerys

So, I hate Danaerys, but I don’t really agree with your viewpoint of her. I don’t really feel like this became ‘her’ season at all. In fact, I feel like this season was just a lesson in how to gaslight a woman into madness and relegate her entirely from her own fucking story.

I will outright state that, I wanted Danaerys to go Mad Queen. I think her character has had problematic elements from very close to the beginning: regarding her sense of entitlement which is not underpinned by an actual competency in regards to ruling, her idealism, and her tendency as a white character to weaponise the brown people she essentially colonises for her own goals. These are not the reasons D&D give to justify her ‘madness’. In fact, they say she’s always been mad for punishing abusers. It just shows now…because of a bad break up.

Danaerys’ “descent into madness” was so badly written that I get mad just thinking about it. It essentially comprises all the men around her having conversations with each other saying “I think she might go mad”, and then her doing a Bad Thing for no discernable reason. This is 1. BAD WRITING, because SHOW NOT TELL. Also, NARRATIVE CONSISTENCY. If you have to have Tyrion outright narrate what you are retconning as her evil past, which is what he did in the final episode, you have not written a consistent plot. Viewers are not stupid. And 2. It’s just awful in terms of gender. Literally, Dany is a woman who becomes isolated and the men around her pathologise her as mad rather than communicating with her and allowing her the agency to authorise her own existence. It’s like The Yellow Wallpaper. There’s so much gaslighting! Everyone says she’s mad for thinking people will betray her as they betray her in the same breath! Jon says he loves her and then punishes her for desiring him! It’s just absurd. I wanted this to happen and they still fucked it up.

Once her sexual desire is just for her and no longer consumable by the male viewer, because its incestuous, and her ambitions outstrip the men around her, suddenly she’s evil. 

And do not get me started on all the awful racial connotations of her story a) being fuelled by the pointless fridging of the only named black woman and b) being utterly endorsed by all the people of colour within the show unquestioningly while all the ‘good’ white men suddenly have their doubts. The way Dothraki war cries were basically used as background music to signify evil savagery made me sick. They literally weaponised race as a way of connoting fear and evil. The fact that her “evil speech” was basically a straw feminist recycling of her liberation rhetoric in a way to condemn all her thoroughly understandable and initially intentions from the very beginning was just a way to validate every Incel’s fear about SJW discourse. Instead of, I don’t know, CRITICISING HER AS A COLONISER. Maybe unveiling her hypocrisy? Nope! All black people are evil and will never question orders because they have been consistently stripped of their humanity! They are a faceless army of non-whites! And oh yes, all women are evil for wanting to enact violence on those who want to abuse them!

Honestly, I think this season of the show has been as much at the expense of her character as anyone else’s. Because it’s not been written well, or believably, and it feels like a complete reduction of the very real potential she had as a critique of imperialism. She’s just a mad woman. 

Jon

I can’t really talk that much about Jon. I kind of cover it above. I’m not sure if you think Jonaerys is abusive to Dany or to him, I would argue the former because of the gaslighting. 

But I will say, he must’ve taken his refresher course in Stark Honourable Stupidity after actually being competent in Season 7. According to D&D’s logic, if he had simply slept with Dany, a woman he loves, she wouldn’t have gone mad. It’s only in GoT that I can justify incest, but he should’ve taken one for the team. 

And maybe kept secrets better.

Just…the show in general

Really, I’m just so disappointed with the show in general. The plot, like Jaime’s characterisation, is so profoundly circular.

We still have an iron throne. We still have an utterly corrupt council elected through nepotism (although I guess we’re supposed to like them now?) Fuck, we still even have a wall even though ALL THE WHITEWALKERS ARE GONE.

Everything was so rushed and irreverent to the point of incompetency - I mean, everyone has seen the coffee cup. Prophecy and foreshadowing was utterly disregarded (I’ve spared you my Jaime Lannister rant because you didn’t ask), nuance was completely lost. I cannot believe that Cersei’s death was an anticlimax, that she didn’t do anything in that final battle but shed a manly tear, had barely any lines of dialogue despite the fact that she is one of the strongest characters of the entire series. And yet EURON GREYJOY got a triumphant death. It is so disingenuous. I really don’t think the fanbase would’ve been that hard to please but it seems like everything was denied us in the name of ‘subverting expectations’.

And however well shot the battle scenes were, I found it profoundly boring because there was no real motivation to drive the action. It was just screaming, and death, and oh yes some gratuitous rape because that’s what every viewer is here for, right?! I watch Game of Thrones for the character intrigue, not the violence or the blatant misunderstanding of what “authentic medievalism” entails. The fact that I watched the finale of my favourite show and did not cry once - me, who cried four times in a single Critical Role episode - is just a testament to how hollow and heartless the writing became.

[cat-at-dawn]

IN DEFENSE OF THE DEATH OF  ████████ , AND AN ARGUMENT AGAINST SUICIDE

This one’s for the manga readers! Post-volume 19 meta, spoilers aplenty! read at your own risk

Though the literal iteration of the death of Ash Lynx can be viewed as a purposeful shuffle from this mortal coil, a specific decision made with weight to return to the New york Public Library to live out his last moments dwelling on Eiji’s letter only to intentionally fade away, here stands a lonely argument; out of the entire cast, no one person deserves death in the same capacity more than Ash Lynx does, and his death is not a suicide. Let’s break it down.

Out of all of the MANY problematic elements of Banana Fish, not even trying to hazard which offense is worse than the next, we can all simultaneously agree that one of the most heartbreaking twists of the series comes at the end of volume 19, when after receiving Eiji’s goodbye letter, which essentially amounts to an incredibly pure love declaration, Ash allows himself to be mentally distracted long enough for Sing’s brother Lao to deliver a killing stab to his intestines. Though Lao dies shortly after Ash’s retaliation, Ash continues to linger in a liminal place. The question hangs in the mind of the reader, if Ash approached a happy ending, why would he not seek hospitalization? Why would he allow himself to bleed out? The manga strikes back hard at the reader with a quite prolonged death sequence, in which Ash retreats to his favorite place to be alone, the New York Public Library, where, with a smile on his face, he falls into a peaceful sleep and dies at a reading table while clutching Eiji’s now bloody love letter. What is the nature of his mindset which dictates this course of action? Why, with Eiji hale and hearty, would Ash choose death instead of medical treatment and a possibly much happier ending to this tale of woe? At this point, I can only wonder if we, the readership, have read the same story. The ending of Banana Fish is hotly debated, and even though as a queer storyteller myself I fundamentally have trouble with gay death as a narrative element, I can’t help but question why people can’t empathize more with Ash’s decision. When judging the manga as a standing piece, I can’t think of a more satisfying, or simply more correct turn of events.

Directly out of the gate, Ash’s death is foreshadowed in the title of the series. A Perfect Day For Banana Fish is a short story by J.D. Salinger which follows the last day in the life of mentally ill World War 2 veteran Seymour Glass, who befriends a little girl while on vacation at the beach. He invites her to catch bananafish with him, and explains that the greedy fish enter holes to gorge themselves on bananas, but become too large to escape again and instead perish in the hole. Later, Seymour returns to his room where his wife is sleeping, and he kills himself. Salinger relates this as a metaphor for his own personal experience in the war, specifically to his time at the Battle of the Bulge and in Nazi concentration camps. He is quoted saying Seymour is an iteration of himself, and has gone so far as to say that he “found it impossible to fit into a society that ignored the truth that he now knew.”  The point of the story has always been to examine the irreversible damage done to the human psyche by war. The Perfect Day referenced in the title is exactly that; the quest of a broken man lacking the power to overcome his trauma to find exactly the perfect day to die. So it also is with Ash, we understand from the very beginning that making this direct analogy to Salinger means the manga will be the slow disclosure of someone who is irrevocably damaged by their circumstance as they come to terms with the moment of their own death. From the very first panel you see him, Ash’s death is already fated, and truly the most heart-rending struggle of the series is watching him grapple with this identity, up to nearly the very last second. As a reader, we continuously keep hoping and praying that he might, against all odds, find salvation despite literally every piece of contrary evidence suggesting otherwise. We have violent affection for Ash as a hero, and we want him so badly to live on, to make it to the other side. He both finds salvation and doesn’t find it, because like everything else about this manga, Ash operates thematically on contradictory levels all the way through the story and on to the bitter end. Let’s break it down even further, by considering exactly just how fucked Ash really is.

Ash is born Aslan Jade Callenrese, and then quickly discarded. He briefly experiences a short period of normalcy with the love of his brother and distant father before Griffin is drafted. Almost immediately after, Ash is raped by the Bluebeard of Cape Cod and then blamed for it, and from then on, his life is a progression of non-stop horror. He is kidnapped by Marvin who repeatedly rapes him over a period of years. He is sold into sexual servitude at Club Cod. He somehow  manages to avoid getting addicted to the opioids that all the child prostitutes were fed to keep them tame, and when Ash escapes, it is only because he is instead personally taken under Papa Dino’s wing, who specifically sexually abuses him while simultaneously not knowing or caring that Marvin continues to rape Ash, among presumably a handful of other people. Blanca is a small, bright focal point for Ash at age 13 when Ash lets himself briefly believe he has autonomy, and he is released to start his own gang. Ash’s fundamental humanity and inherent leadership magnetically draw people to him, and for the first time in his life, Ash briefly entertains the idea of having a private romantic relationship of his own. He is attracted to a girl he likes very much, but she is murdered almost immediately due to her association with him. He afterward throws himself into the business of his gang without ever fully extracting himself from Papa Dino’s hold. It is only with the discovery of the capsule containing Banana Fish that Ash for the first time in his short life discovers a bit of real leverage he can actually use against Dino. The subsequent drug war sees him beaten, sent to jail, raped many more times, and sent on a cross-country mission on the lam from the law, as well as from Dino’s goons, both Corsican and Chinese. Yut-Lung proves to be a worthy adversary in LA, and his teaming up with Arthur sees Ash murdering his best friend Shorter in cold blood who is forcibly high on banana fish in order to save Eiji from an especially savage disembowelment. Ash is later declared legally dead, sent to a private insane asylum to be experimented on, tortured with the mangled bits of Shorter’s brain, and then after escaping yet again, still forced into a corner when Dino tricks and threatens him into becoming officially adopted, once more in order to prevent Eiji’s death. Ash is drugged, literally blinded, beaten, and emotionally and physically torn down. He nearly dies from intentionally wasting away, and is hospitalized. When he eventually once again manages to escape, it is only to regroup long enough to prepare to engage with his men in actual guerrilla warfare. The mercenary Foxx kills nearly all of Ash’s remaining gang, and once AGAIN, Ash is raped.  Ash is ultimately deprived of his revenge when he then has to witness Papa Dino’s death by the hand of someone other than himself. These are the major plot points, and don’t even touch on the myriad of lesser cruelties Ash has dealt with over the course of his short life, of which there are many, many more.  (See: The death of most of his friends, that fucklord Arthur, everything about Cape Cod, the pain of using his sexual wiles as a weapon, the pain of knowing if he opens up to others that the lives of his friends will be in danger, the pain of being unable to give his loved ones proper burials, his one hundred issues with classism, his complete inability to trust others with important tasks, the list goes on.)

Around volume 10, I started, in a serious way, feeling like Ash deserved death. Not in the way that a dog is put out of it’s misery when it is sick, but more in the way that when the path is this hard, the reward at the end should be equivalent to the struggle. Being a CSA survivor all on its own demands a certain level of understanding, especially when approaching volatile, sensitive subjects like suicide. The act of taking one’s own life is so deeply personal and hotly debated that there is no true narrative argument legitimate enough to address it’s purpose. All of it is too subjective. However, in the case of Ash Lynx as the thematic hero, the case stands that he never, except for perhaps the small corridor between the ages of 0-7, lived a life anywhere remotely near average, so his many brushes with near-suicide are chillingly understandable. At one point, when forced to either shoot himself in the head or watch Eiji die, Ash even goes so far as to grab the gun and immediately try to blow his brains out. When the gun is proven empty, instead of breathing a secret sigh of relief, Ash only demands that Yut Lung give him a bullet. 

Though this emphasizes Ash’s near fanatical devotion to protecting Eiji, whose innocence he both disdains and canonizes, it also represents his constant readiness to die. This flirtation with the reaper is emphasized over and over in the official art, where a sexual element is often present in his interactions with death. Ash wishes for death to embrace him, he literally desires it. This is mostly on a subtextual level, but other times his desire is stiflingly surface-level.

 The extent of Ash’s damage is so severe and was inflicted on him so early that his ability to live a normal life was only ever subject to his situation. An argument can be made that his unusually high IQ kept him from the brink of emotional destruction for the majority of his life, but in spite of his incredible virility and strength of character, Ash’s prospects as he aged were always bleak at best. Ash the adult is almost unfathomable. He was literally never allowed to be a child during a key developmental period, and even the manga infers that Eiji’s presence as a romantic element is strongly tied to Ash’s desire to return to a time of innocence. Ash is permanently trapped in a never-neverland of sorts, sexually defiled to the point where his own sexual awakening has been completely obscured beyond his own recognition. His relationship with Eiji is painfully asexual, one, because literally everything about Banana Fish is painful, but also because it is unclear if Ash may have been naturally asexual in the first place or if he was made into an asexual as the result of his childhood trauma. Either way, he certainly doesn’t have a lot of choice about the way that he is, and that way is, fundamentally, morally, and spiritually exhausted. It is only his tenacious spark, his survivors grip to life, and his affection for others in his life whom he loves that are weaker than him, that keeps him stubbornly clung to his own mortal vessel until the very end.

Eiji’s presence as a guiding light is, in THE definitively heartbreaking turn, the permission Ash needs to allow himself to finally die. He has always known that he would die, probably even thought that he should have already died, many, many times over. He is permanently and irreversibly damaged by the course of his life, and though we scream and cry and pray in the hope that Ash can make it, that he can still pull through and come out on the other side living and thriving in love, he was ultimately just never meant to make it that far. Even when Eiji tries to convince Ash that he is not the leopard, that he can come back down from the mountain, we are distantly still aware that this is not true, despite how difficult it is to accept. This difference of character is most clearly seen in Ash’s foil with Yut-Lung; both boys are the savant products of rape-and-murder-riddled childhoods. However, where Yut-Lung lacked anyone to give him acceptance and affection as he grew, Ash ended his time knowing love. Where Yut-Lung survives to the end and goes on to an even higher position of strength, he still has an emotional arc to complete. Yut Lung must discover for himself the value of human life. Ash already knew this value from the beginning, because his moral compass, which sometimes admittedly became scrambled, more or less always pointed true by the end of things.

The argument can be made that as the embodiment of the concept of Salinger’s short story, Ash is fated to die. Eiji, who in many ways is the window through which we experience this world, refuses to bend to fate. He insists in innocence again and again that Ash can change his fate, and for a moment, when Ash finds the plane ticket to Japan in Eiji’s letter, we really, really want to believe him. So, of course, because this manga is singularly cruel, it is here that Ash is stabbed. Of ffffucking course, after everything, death comes for Ash in a fashion which is completely mundane against the grandiose, bombastic scale of the story. An old grudge settled by someone Ash didn’t even have the time to hate in the first place. Ash let himself believe in a real life with Eiji for a single moment, and that proved to be his downfall. When he let his guard down, he let death in. He realizes his destiny immediately, because he is not stupid. His death is not a suicide, it is an understanding. 

 According to Akimi Yoshida, fate always wins out, but what the manga adds to this sad experience is this; despite everything, unlike Salinger’s broken Seymour, Ash’s heart in the end is full of love. His perfect day to die is the day he reads Eiji’s letter, the letter that declares them permanently bonded. Falling in love allows Ash to let go of himself gently, instead of the infinitely more brutal end he would have met at a villain’s hand otherwise, if he hadn’t fought tooth and nail for his very last scrap of autonomy up until that moment. Eiji’s love as an act of compassion is most perfectly realized; because Ash’s Perfect Day is one of is own making. All the circumstances together form a perfect conclusion. He didn’t see the knife coming, and he didn’t need to. After Papa Dino’s death, after Eiji is gone, Ash can finally stop. He can accept that his trauma is greater than even him. In a life spent being forced back and forth according to the violent winds of his circumstance, he chooses to, (and that’s important, he chooses to,) retreat like a cat to a quiet place of safety to live out his last moments. In this way, Ash’s death is merely a setting down of something unbearably heavy. Because he is loved, because Eiji is safe and far away, Ash is at last released from the prison of his life.

Other Banana Fish Meta: CAPE COD AS PURGATORY AND ASH’S BREAK FROM INNOCENCE

[permian-tropos]

TIME TO GUSH ABOUT TLJ cause I was looking through screenshots and here’s a bunch of things I might not have mentioned before and a few that I have

1) Paige Tico!!!! PAIGE TICO! her entire time in the spotlight is such a perfectly crafted, perfectly tense scene

2) UM THE OPENING SPACE BATTLE IS SICK the bombers have such striking silhouettes and this is used for some amazing shots

3) PAIGE’S DEATH BEING PRESENTED AS TRAGEDY (and not being softened heavily with the promise of being part of something meaningful the way R1′s deaths are) 

4) Captain Candy Crush’s death is given gravity too and I stan this, he’s not made sympathetic and still there’s nothing triumphant about people being blown up. war is not good

5) Finn’s pod is very flattering and angelic even though his water suit is silly. he basically has a halo and no filmmaker would accidentally give a character a halo so jot that down

6) Snoke’s throne room being utilitarian AND extravagant at the same time is impressive. also I still love the way that Snoke’s real form was made to be this exaggeratedly WASPy old man with the skin texture and wrinkles and pale tufty eyebrow hair, and you know what else? the fact that the camera favors showing the undamaged side of his face. I fucking stan the fact that Johnson took another disfigured villain and played up his old caucasian grandpa looks and made his disfigurement blend into his age. Snoke is a caricature of horrid old white men, possibly the first successful caricature of whiteness in speculative fiction. he looks like Henry Kissinger

7) Kylo Ren’s bandaid has a pattern on it. we ask ourselves. why. did he get to pick out the pattern. are there multiple patterns. are they all edgy and black. I’m now completely invested in whoever decided that they would have patterned bandaids but not make them TOO fun

8) the movie is so pretty im just. the fuckign. aesthetic. all of it. the palette seems to have been taken from a thunderstorm and it’s perfect. the use of gray is a reason I happen to think people didn’t like the film. they were like what the fuck is all this gray in star wars. star wars shouldn’t be gray. but it’s so unique, it’s not the gray of lazy color grading, it’s the gray of someone who knew that the feeling of haze and uncertainty needed some gray and rolled it in like a fog. I’m going to have to post more screenshots

9) I like the fact that the puppet porgs, as opposed to the CGI porgs, are actually kinda ugly cute

10) everything mark hamill does is perfect. every line, every facial expression, every pose. every moment from luke in tlj is unbelievably iconic. alec guinness would be so jealous 

11) Luke perking up and genuinely smiling when he sees R2D2 is the purest moment I have to just 

my eyes are moist

12) the architecture and set design is so amazing too? I love this shot introducing Rose, the harsh contrast that draws your eye away from her, the way she’s fading into her corner of brownish-gray, it’s so good for evoking... idk, just how the world seems too bright and too stark and made of shapes, after someone you love dies

13) I really love how much time we spend on Ahch-To, and how none of it has any campy space action. you’d expect to see some training there, but a lot of people were clearly hoping that Luke and Rey would leave the planet. but we linger so much on the setting, a setting which wholly embodies Luke’s state of mind

14) old luke is a handsome gent. i don’t see enough people with the hots for old luke. this is a big mistake

15) this shot foreshadows Kylo Ren becoming the Supreme Leader IMO. we see him surveying the war machine, watching the instruments of death be constructed, set apart from everyone -- a glimpse into Kylo’s desire for absolute power without anything being direct. maybe he’s contemplating his isolated existence, how much he doesn’t belong in the Order. or maybe he sees an allure to all this. this is what he wants to possess. it’s probably a mixture of both

16) Rey and Luke!!!!!!! everything about how the film frames them develops their relationship!! even as Luke is testy with her, we get shots like these where they’re sharing a warm sunset light and having deep heart to hearts. 

and you know what you know what what what

the fact that Rey starts asking WHO her parents are after meeting Luke is uhh clearly suggesting that she’s wondering if maybe Luke is her dad. I love in this one shot how he’s slumped and she’s sitting up straighter, making him the vulnerable one. I love how the sunset light highlights Rey’s buns. I love that she keeps her buns for a while. I love that people have headcanoned she kept the buns so that her parents would recognize her, and she has the buns in the whole time she’s trying to get Luke to act like the hero she believes in. like she’s trying to get him to recognize her

Rey adopts Luke as her dad and it’s beautiful get out of my face

17) ye there’s a lot of dead children but also I hadn’t really thought about the fact that R2 watched this as well? and R2 was powered off for so long, until the end of TFA? R2 was traumatized and grieving too, and he’s seen this before, he remembers all the way back to when it was Anakin

18) hors!!!!!!!

19) what the SHIT is this why is this movie a fucking painting why does it keep outdoing itself in paintingness argh the way this film uses the day-night cycle is unbelievable, having Rey and Finn’s stories be connected by having the same time

THE HCKING MOON THOUGH 

20) Ok we could talk about how the cold blue moonlight of uncertainty has become the warm orange light of companionship but we can’t forget what firelight also represents re: Kylo cough burning temple nice little double meaning, is Rey making a new friend or is she being tempted, is he going to warm her or burn her

but also I haven’t thought about how fucking awkward Kylo looks!! is he sitting on that barrel?? like since he’s not there is he just sort of compositing himself into the scene? using a convenient barrel

21) see what I mean about blue being cold. blue = asceticism, red = indulgence, the two extremes 

22) Luke sinks into darkness

23) BUT HE DOES ONE THING! the thing that breaks him out of his depression. he takes the fire -- which represents the burned temple, represents Ben Solo, represents the humanity of the Dark Side -- into his own hands. we see the fire symbolizing destruction, then intimacy, then change, in such short succession

fire represents light-dark, something that is both at once. we’ll get back to this

24) you could say that balance is about making your own light in the darkness

also this is why Poe’s line about being the spark that will burn the First Order down isn’t ~too violent~ cause fire has become a symbol of change, of destruction reclaimed as something restorative, thank you very much 

25) can we talk about the fact that between this being like a coffin and the way Rey is holding the saber, this actually has the heaviest resemblance to the way medieval knights were depicted atop their sarcophagi. I don’t even know what it means but maybe it hints that Rey sees herself as a martyr and a crusader in this quest to redeem Kylo and prove her valor

26) the fact that Poe isn’t the only one who gets in on the coup. because the Resistance isn’t a real military it’s a few thousand antifas gathered from all around the galaxy and their numbers are dwindling fast. people kind of put it all on Poe but Connix and Finn and Rose and this woman and this man and this alien were part of it too, and they could have told Poe to cut it out. I like how the blonde woman seems like she’s not sure what’s going on, she’s evaluating the situation 

27) you know what I stan? I continue to stan aspects of how Snoke is portrayed. I stan the fact that he gets all close up in Rey’s face and grabs her cheek and it kind of mirrors the way Kylo gets in her personal space in TFA but even less so than in TFA, Rey is not framed in the way girls often are when they’re restrained and in distress. when she’s being tortured, we’re not given any tantalizing views of her body. Snoke floating her around the room has her stiff and awkward, and the close-up of her screaming in pain puts the camera behind her head so we see this from her POV, we’re not voyeuristically staring at her, we’re experiencing this indignity with her

28) Kylo Ren killing Snoke has the exact same light on his face as when he killed Han Solo. this is very very interesting

here I am in my corner of Kylo having twisted affection for Snoke as well

29) I wish I could ship this more cause I don’t need all this talk of fairy tale weddings and force pregnancies when here they are slicing up lobster boys with laser swords

30) oh but this is where he makes Rey look sad and thats where!!! you know hes gonna have to pay!!! basically everything about the scene where Kylo tears Rey’s heart out and stomps on it and then asks her to be grateful is extremely well done and it did its intended job of making me Big Mad At Kylo 

also look the fire is back its Symbolic

31) you know what I can’t show in this post? the FUCKING SOUND THAT COMES AFTER THE HYPERSPEED RAM. that sound is the most glorious sound I’ve heard come out of a movie. it’s like a massive metal whale’s death scream. Star Wars has always run on sound design but literally that sound (along with the scene it’s attached to) outdoes everything that has come before it holy wow

32) Finn WHACKING Phasma. he didn’t use a lightsaber in this film, but he uses the baton he picked up the same way he used the lightsaber, and it even glows blue for good measure. and we can’t forget that this movie shows a boy holding a broom like a lightsaber, and Rey practicing saberplay with her staff, so -- objects that are not lightsabers symbolizing lightsabers is a thing 

33) I didn’t think about the fact that the Supreme Leader’s throne room is designed to display a view of the outside, or be cloaked in red. possibly it could display anything it pleases. this is great fun for imagining First Order characters making it display things they want to see, like beautiful vistas, or holofilms. possibly it can recreate whole scenes, like a Star Trek holodeck

34) I don’t have to talk about how Leia is framed by the dawn on Crait do I? we already got the picture when it comes to the day-night cycle and how beautiful it is

35) BABY 8 I can’t believe this droid gets belly scritches and nuzzles from Poe

36) fucking love when Kylo finally snaps and starts throwing petty tantrums again at the end of the film like he holds back his brattiness for 12 hours and then here comes the screaming and foot stamping and flailing

I have thrown too many temper tantrums in my life to not want to see one on the big screen in its full glory. no one has pushed him to the point where he’s just ugly crying on the floor, spewing snot and tearing at his hair

I got vicarious pleasure out of Poe’s outburst on the bridge too. people being angry and not being in the right. it’s something I need for catharsis

37) miniaturized Death Star technology aka BIGGEST LIGHTSABER. Kylo stop compensating

but AU where a ginormous person uses the cannon as an actual saber

38) I’VE TALKED ABOUT HOW FINN’S MOMENT IS IN MY TOP TWO FEELS MOMENTS (top one is the hyperslice) but basically if you don’t think he was affected by seeing the slave kids on Canto Bight, what do you think he’s so angry about here, what do you think has him in a blinding rage?

why do movies have to spell everything out for people in exhaustive detail? the only new thing Finn gets from his experience with Rose, is seeing how the First Order isn’t this isolated enclave of evil. the most powerful people in the galaxy have been supporting it all along. he stops trying to run away because he realizes there is nowhere he can run that won’t have injustice. and he’s seen villagers being massacred, he’s seen the Order attack people he cares about, he’s been personally threatened and had one-on-one duels, but on his trip with Rose he sees children being beaten into submission with electric whips

can’t believe people think Finn wasn’t affected by that when it’s the one thing motivating his character growth

every time he sees civilians getting hurt -- children and families -- he sees himself and the family he’ll never know in them, and is so overwhelmed that he does something brash and radical and self-endangering every time, and his arc is about learning to live with that anger. he runs away from feeling and his angst is so beautiful

and I’m still in the camp of Finn having had a Zuko-like arc when he was a teenager because that boiling frustration at not being able to express his natural empathy is what drove Zuko to angst so hard

FINN IS THE SOLIDARITY KING! HE CARES SO FUCKING MUCH 

39) fire. Luke facing his demons involves him walking through a gate of flame, out of the darkness, into the light

I will say that this is also very Buddhist imagery -- the flaming sword symbolizes wisdom, which cuts through the veil of illusion, specifically the illusion of duality

“Mañjuśrī is depicted as a male bodhisattva wielding a flaming sword in his right hand, representing the realization of transcendent wisdom which cuts down ignorance and duality”

and of course fire being the bridge between light and dark has come up before in the film. the veil is visibly burning here, Luke having fully reclaimed the image of fire, which was earlier in the film held by Kylo Ren 

I mean. just. YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

40) something about this shot is extra special. everything that’s going on on the salt flats is like on this higher dimension, this spiritual plane 

41) for a moment it looks like Luke and the First Order are standing against Kylo. gives you a glimpse into Kylo’s state of mind. is the Order his weapon, or his enemy? it’s both, and he’s absolutely terrified of it

also I’ve talked about how Palpatine’s Contingency plan is about getting revenge on his Empire because he hates its power as much as he revels in it, and he dedicates a good deal of time plotting ways to kill it, because he needs to prove that he is more powerful than it

being the Emperor or Supreme Leader carries with it the distinct horror of knowing that you can never be more powerful than the thing that has empowered you

42) 

43) Luke achieving 100% maximum Buddhist allegory

44) the slope of the floor is the slope of the opening crawl of a Star Wars film 

all right that’s all folks

[kivaember]

could you answer all the character flaw questions? i just -clenches fist- love aza

ahdjaa oh goodness, I’m glad you like him that much…!!!!! okie i will answer the character flaw questions remaining, though they’ll be under the cut because they’re so long… 

Thanks for this, I really enjoyed writing these out ;;w;; 

🙊what would my muse say their biggest flaw is?

Aza tends to be very aware of his shortcomings, albeit in a very self-deprecating manner, so he would say his biggest flaw is his fear. His fear of everything. He gets frightened very easily, but he covers it up with a mean poker face or aggression, depending on the situation, and it does mean sometimes he tends to lash out or be overly harsh without meaning to. He hates being so fearful, so it’s a flaw he utterly despises within himself. 

⧱ what really is my muse’s biggest flaw?

Being eager to please. This is linked to his fear, so Aza has the right of it that it is his biggest flaw, but his desire to be likeable and useful to those he deems his friends and family, as well as being fearful that he’ll be left behind if he isn’t likeable or useful, means he neglects his own health, mental or physical, at times. 

With Bluebird, Atani and Aruci, it’s not as bad, because they see through that shit and make sure he doesn’t say ‘yes’ just to keep them happy (and, because, deep down, he’s fearful of being ‘too troublesome’ and being tossed out, a fear that he knows is irrational but one he has anyways). With the Scions in ARR, he had it BAD, trying to twist and cram himself into the role of Warrior of Light, to the extreme detriment of his own comfort and happiness, just so he measured up to these expectations that the Scions were beginning to have in him. Things are better with the Scions since SB, but yeah, if he likes someone, or wants to be liked by someone, he almost becomes a doormat. He’s gotten better since SB though. 

🤳name three physical imperfections my muse has (birthmarks, gray hairs, muscular definition, etc).

1. Heavy scarring all over his body. They’re stark, thick and pull across each other from time to time, and Aza thinks they look a little ugly, but also gets a dark thrill at ‘ruining’ the ‘beautiful body’ he was coveted for in his earlier years. With his body so scarred, he feels no one would want him like that ever again, which is a comfort…

2. His hair is beginning to prematurely grey, much to Aza’s dismay. So at the moment he has grey streaks in his hair, which are very obvious, and he can’t stop it at all. He hates visible signs of his age. 

3.  Poor joints and bone health. His childhood, with its rough living and malnutrition, coupled with the stress of living under Master Musa, then growing up on the Steppes and moving into mercenary life in his 20s, mean his body is just fucked. This is linked to the scarring, but Aza does have early onset of osteoarthritis as well as cartilage degradation that White Magic just can’t cure. His body is just close to done, and it’s highly likely that he will end up retiring from fighting in his forties, unless he wants to permanently cripple himself for good. 

🙈what’s my muse’s biggest blind spot?

Bluebird. Holy crap Bluebird is his biggest blindspot ever. Even though he’s aware Bluebird can be a massive asshole, especially to him and his friends, he fucking loves the hell out of her and thinks she can do no real wrong. Be petty and annoying, maybe, but not any real wrong. It does mean he can kind of be swept up in her energetic wake, and get dragged into stressful situations because of it…

😰when my muse is stressed, how do they act out?

 As mentioned above, he tends to get aggressive if he’s stressed out or scared. He finds comfort in projecting a show of strength and viciousness, and especially if that gives him space, because when he’s stressed he hates being crowded or fussed over even more. However, he knows that snapping at his loved ones is a bad habit to get into, so he tends to isolate himself and wallow for a while. He used to also drink himself into oblivion, but Aymeric put his foot down on that, so now he tends to wander to the closest Chocobo stables to let the birds calm him down, or do something with his hands like crafting or repairing his gear, or something. 

💚what does my muse get envious over?

People having their shit together, or carefree lives. Like, he’s so fucking jealous of Bluebird being so confident and fearless, and it burns him so bad that he’s still this frightened, jumpy little boy that he never really grew up from. He wants to be confident without an edge of terror of failing dogging his steps, he wants to be fearless just because it seemed so stress-free… so yeah, he gets jealous of that really badly. 

🚫what is one thing my muse wouldn’t want someone else to know about them?

His past. Holy fuck his past. It took over a year for Aymeric to learn about Aza’s past, and even then he doesn’t have hard details and Aza had been forced to tell him because of exceptional circumstances. The Scions? No. Nope. He’d sooner die than tell them. He has intense shame over what happened with Master Musa, as well as his hand in his sister’s death (that he still remembers unreliably…), and he’s terrified that if they know, they’d think him lesser, or deficient in some way… or pity him. 

If he could, he’d carve out that past from his history and burn it into nothing. But sadly, he’s gotta carry it, and only a scant handful of people that he can count on one hand, know about his past. Which he’ll keep that way, thank you very much. 

✍️does my muse have a learning disability?

Not a disability as such, but he does have a mental block when it comes to writing because of his past experiences. He struggles to write, and while he’s bullied himself into being able to scrawl very messy, short and poorly spelled words, he’s barely as literate as a young child. He finds this incredibly embarrassing, so he tends to go through convoluted ways to make sure he never gets shoved into a situation where he needs to write. 

🎒what was my muse’s worst subject in school?

He never went to school, which… is probably why he’s so academically apathetic about things. 

🙅‍♂️what does my muse feel insecure about?

EVERYTHING, practically. He’s insecure about his position in his relationship with Aymeric (”am I too troublesome? too high-maintenance? I can never do most of the things he wants me to do, my body is scarred and ugly, am I just chaining him down, etc, etc”), he’s insecure at his ability to live up to the expectations of Warrior of Light (”what if I fail? what if someone else I love dies? what if, what if, what if…”) and he’s insecure at just… being able to live. 

Like, all he’s wanted is to achieve happiness, feel secure and safe and be strong. But with everything happening in ffxiv, he sometimes feels he’s constantly backing off from that goal…

👾what was my muse’s childhood bogeyman?

MASTER. FUCKING. MUSA.

Even nearing his forties, with a good two and a half decades put between him and his experiences with the man, even mentioning or remembering him makes him break out into a nervous sweat. It’s why he hates Kugane, and Doma to a smaller degree. Everything there reminds him of Master Musa, and it makes him sick to his stomach and constantly teetering on the edge of terror and anxiety. 

He keeps thinking, even now, he’ll pop out from the shadows and be there. Even though Aza is old enough and strong enough to snap him over his knee, and even killed him himself before, the fear is still there. He still features in a lot of Aza’s nightmares, even now…