#what really fucking gets me. is how fucking upset they were getting. GENUINE distress

[lecl3rcw]

MAGIC IN YOUR VEINS

pairings: Charles Leclerc x sister!reader

summary: Charles comforts his favorite sibling.

warnings: badly translated French, sibling fights, Arthur being a lil mean, just a little tho.

author’s note: this is a lil disappointing, also Thankyou guys so much for 50 followers💗

song recs: none:(

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She didn’t know how a small comment of hers escalated to a full blown argument between her and Arthur.

“Arthur you know I didn’t mean it like that!” She tries to defend herself, “Oh cut the bullshit Y/N, you know how I feel when anyone compares me to Charles, you off all people should know” he yells really upset with his sister’s comment.

“I was just joking! I didn’t Intentionally compare you to him” she sighs out, putting her hand on her face, a little distressed. “No you always have to bring this up, and it’s funny because you’re probably the biggest failure out of all 4 of us, Enzo is starting his own business, Charles is a F1 driver, I’m an F2 driver, meanwhile you can’t even pass a grade 11 exam” he says, finally finishing his rant getting the anger and frustration of his stressful week out.

Her mouth was wide open as tears were visible in his eyes, sure her and Arthur exchanged insults but never had they fought this seriously. “Why are you crying? Cant handle it when it’s directed at you?” He says, “I’m sorry Arthur” she whispered before running to her room and locking the door.

She felt guilty, she wasn’t upset at him because he gave her a taste of her own medicine but it did sting, hearing someone she genuinely looked up to call her a failure was a statement she could never shake off. Although it hurt, it also made her realize that he was right. Once Arthur was cooled down, he did apologize to the girl and she did as well, but despite saying sorry, his words rang in her head. She vowed to herself that she was going to pass this test without anyone’s help no matter what.

“Do you guys know what’s been up with your sister?” Pascale asks placing food on the table, “What do you mean Maman?” Charles asks looking up from his phone, his next race was 3 weeks away so he was happy to spend time with his family, “I don’t know, she seems really distant” their mutters, “I heard she has a big test tomorrow , maybe she’s stressed out?” Lorenzo said, “yeah perhaps, but I would appreciate if you guys could talk to her and make her feel better” she says, the two sibling nodded their heads.

Charles was walking up to his bedroom but he noticed soft music coming from his sister’s room, curiously, he walked in only to find his sister’s head resting on the desk, the dim light of the lamp was the only thing lighting her room up, her papers scattered across her desk. He softly smiled at her, he placed a sweet kiss on her head before turning the light off and letting his sister sleep.

The next morning the girl jerked up in panic, she wasn’t supposed to be sleeping, she was supposed to be preparing for her test. “I’m so fucked” she says her hands on her head. She checks the time and she quickly gets ready to go to school.

“Hey Chérie” Pascale says, “Goodmorning maman” she says rubbing her eyes tiredly, “you alright?” Pascale asks the girl in concern, “I’m good ma, I was supposed to study but I fell asleep” she says, “Oh you’ll do great my love” she says as she goes to give her daughter a tight hug, being in her mother’s arms bright the younger girl a lot of comfort, “I love you Maman, I should be leaving” she says breaking the hug, she gave her a smile before heading out the door.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, after giving her test she actually felt confident, the smile that the past few weeks stole from her made its way back on her face, now all she had to do was wait till 5:00 pm for her results. Charles texted her saying that he could pick her up to which she happily responded.

“Hi Chérie! How was your day” Charles asks, “it was alright” she responds, the siblings talked about irrelevant things the rest of the way, jamming to music, Charles even bought Y/N some food as the two shared the meal. She felt really happy that Charles wanted to spend time with her as he was such a busy man. Unfortunately for her tho, her interactions with Arthur had died down since he was never home, either with his friends or with Carla, which made her really sad.

It was 5:03 when the siblings made it home, “I’m gonna go check my score Charles, I’ll be right back!” She says, “wait! Bring your laptop here, we will check it together” Charles says wanting to be as supportive as ever to which she was more than thankful for.

“Ok…so what did you get” He asks her, the minute she looks her heart drops to her stomach, she felt nauseous, the exhaustion of so many weeks of not sleeping and eating properly catching up to her, she was upset beyond repair, and Arthur’s voice calling her a failure started echoing In her mind.

“I’m a failure” she says mindlessly, before burrying her face in her hands. “What? No you’re not” He says grabbing the laptop. “Oh my god. I’m a screwup” she says as sobs start racking her body, Charles immediately wraps his arms around the girl tightly, her face still in her hands. “I’m so dumb, I studied for nothing” she says as places her head against his shoulder.

“Y/N you’re not a failure, who told you that” Charles says caressing her hair, “It dosent matter Charles, the test results tell me everything I need to know” she says tears still running down her face, “why can’t I be more like you, or Arthur, or Enzo” she wails out, “You’re not a failure Y/N, everyone has ups and downs, you can’t base your worth on test scores, or people’s opinions” he says tightening his hold on her, she stayed quiet wanting him to continue. “You can’t be perfect all the time Chérie, and whoever told you that you’re a failure is probably a failure themselves” Charles says getting a little mad that someone (Arthur) called his sister a failure.

“But-” “no buts, You tried Y/N and that’s what matters, you didn’t give up, everyone has bad days, but you can’t let a test score hold this much power over you” he finishes, she sniffles wiping her nose, “you’re right, I’m sorry, maybe this was a bit of an overreaction” she says, feeling a bit embarrassed, “No never apologize for showing emotions, you were disappointed and that’s ok, use this disappointment as motivation, you’re going to kick that next test’s ass” he says shaking her shoulders as she lets out a laugh. “ I love you Charlie” she mumbled giving him a final hug that he reciprocated, “I love you more” he says. “Now tell me, who said you were a failure? I’ll give them a piece of my mind, I’ll get Arthur on them too” he says confidently,

“………”

[watermelonlovershigh]

"You've been a real, bad, boy." {part. 12} (housemate!harry series) (SMUT)

Drunk Fighting and Forgiveness {part. 11} (housemate!harry series)

AN: we're getting into more of the smuttier chapters, yay. hope you enjoy this part. reblog and let me know what you think!!!

This story contains: more apologizing, sub/dom play, female receiving oral, handjob, blowjob, mentions of anal play, mentions of sex toys

{ housemate!harry - boyfriendrry - soft!harry - subrry - dom!reader }

word count- 2,140

Harry's been a bad boy and Y/n wants to punish him, but for now, they take it easy with some oral sex in the shower.

The morning after your drunken argument, you have returned to being the affectionate couple that you are. Harry is the first to wake up and decides to go in the kitchen to prepare breakfast for you, aware that you'll need something to ease your hangover. After finishing, he quietly returns to the bedroom and gently wakes you up.

You wake up reluctantly, and Harry promptly hands you a pain reliever for your headache. He has already taken something for his headache, being no stranger to hangovers, and knowing how to prevent them from escalating. After taking the medicine and visiting the bathroom, you enter the kitchen to find two plated dishes on the small dining room table.

In complete awe, you say, "Harry, you didn't have to cook all of this. I told you I forgave you last night."

Tiredly giggling, Harry replies, "I know, wasn't meant to be part of my apology. Just wanted us to have a good breakfast to help with our hangovers."

You both sit down and begin eating the pancakes and turkey bacon that Harry has prepared, along with a glass of orange juice. About halfway through your meal, the thoughts that were on your mind as you fell asleep last night come back to you, causing you to speak, "You know Harry, you've been a real, bad, boy."

Without perceiving anything unusual in your words, he begins, "Baby, I know. I am genuinely sorry for my behavior last night. I shouldn't have brought you to that bar with my history there. Please forgive me, again."

As you look across the table, you see Harry getting distressed again, thinking that you're upset with him once more. It's almost funny to witness, though a small part of you feels bad for getting him so worked up. "Harry, I've forgiven you. But you're not off the hook so easily."

Swallowing a piece of turkey bacon, he looks over at you with confusion written on his face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

You burst into laughter, immediately regretting it as it causes your headache to return. "Like I just mentioned, you've been a naughty boy, my love. This means I have to punish you. Bad boys get punished."

Ohhh, now Harry's catching your drift. He's not use to your kinky side but he's loving it. "Yeah, and how 'r you gonna punish me, Y/n?"

In a seductive voice, you answer, "First, I'll need to spank your lovely round bottom, leaving it all red and tender. Next, I'll use a strap-on to fuck that pretty mouth of yours, causing you to choke on my cock. If you've behaved well up until that point, I'll then position you on your hands and knees and fuck you from behind, making your ass feel so amazing and full. Does that sound good, baby?"

"Uh-hu," is his only response as he sits there with his mouth hung open, nearly drooling on the table. Although he typically prefers to be dominant, he's a switch and is willing to be submissive for you any day of the week. Your dominant side really turns him on.

"Great, how about we go take a shower and then sit on the couch to do some online shopping for some special toys?" Harry clears his throat and agrees, shifting uncomfortably in his seat because your dirty words have made his cock hard in his pants.

After finishing your meal, you clear the table and head to the bathroom. Inside, you both undress, and it's then that you notice Harry's hard dick. "Babyyy, did my dirty words make you hard at the table?"

He gives a shy nod while you chuckle. The two of you enter the shower, but before you can start washing off, Harry pleads, "Please baby, touch me, it hurts." This is where you find it difficult to maintain dominance. Despite enjoying control every once in a while, you quickly give in when your partner whines, cries, or begs. However, it's important to stick to your role and not give away your power.

"Dunno if you deserve it..."

"Please, please. I'll do anythin'." Harry down right begs. "I'll eat you out first or finger you. Whatever you want. Just touch me, please."

Liking his way of thinking, you compromise, "Okay, get on your knees and eat my pussy. Then I'll touch your cock, baby boy"

Without hesitation, Harry gets on his knees in the shower and pulls you closer to his mouth with his hands on the back of your thighs. He's never ate you out in the shower before so this is new, and you're loving it so far. His lips wrap around your clit and his tongue flicks you up and down, back and forth.

Gasping, you grab his damp locks and push his face closer to you for added pleasure. His hands leave imprints on your ass as he grips it firmly to maintain your position. Harry alternates between flicking his tongue against your small clit and sucking on it intensely, bringing you to the brink of orgasm quickly.

"Oh my God, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna fucking come." you moan aloud, it echoing in the confinements of the shower. Harry doesn't dare lift you off of him, only eating your pussy with more determination. What pushes you overboard is when he sucks just a little bit harder, but also allows one of his hands to wander between your cheeks and his thumb grazes your tight hole. He never enters, just caresses it, and it feels surprisingly amazing.

You fall apart in the steamy shower, your body twitching and convulsing on top of your boyfriend. He strains to hold you up, afraid you might collapse. After a few final licks, Harry begins to pull away slowly, looking up at you with glossy eyes that nearly make you feel guilty for keeping him hard for so long.

Harry rose to his feet, paying no mind to the puddle of precome he had left on the shower floor. He was about to plead for your touch once more when you suddenly grabbed his cock. His back collided with the tile wall, and his abdominal muscles tensed as your delicate hand skillfully stroked him.

"Fuck." Harry whispers a curse as he feels the touch of your hand. You stroke his cock a few more times before kneeling down and taking him into your mouth. You push forward until the trimmed hair around his base touches your lips, maintaining that position until you have to pull away due to a harsh gag. Despite being in a state of pleasure, Harry looks down and asks, "You alright, m'love?", wanting to make sure you're alright and didn't push yourself too hard for the sake of pleasuring him.

You glance up at Harry with teary eyes and willingly take him back into your mouth, this time being more gentle with yourself. You suck and stroke with determination until Harry senses his climax nearing, which happens rather quickly thanks to you teasing and basically edging him for most of the morning.

Harry grips your hair in his hands, not forcing you down on him but more so for stability. When he feels seconds away from exploding, he warns, "M' gonna come, m'love. Feels so fuckin' good!"

Instead of pulling away, you keep Harry's cock in your mouth until you feel his shaft throb and hot spurts of his warm, milky cum fill your mouth. When your mouth is full to the brim, that's when you detach yourself from him. You swallow what you can, but some of his cum trickles down your chin and hits the shower floor, getting washed down the drain.

Glancing upwards, you see Harry leaning against the wall, gasping for air. His eyes are closed, and his hands hang loosely by his sides. Rising up on your tiptoes, you lean in for a kiss. Harry eagerly returns the kiss, despite the taste of his own cum on your lips. Eventually, you both break away to catch your breath.

"Okay, now for that online shopping we need to do."

--------------------------------

After your shower, you both take a seat on the sofa and start browsing the internet for some special toys. You have your laptop on your lap, and Harry's cat Pixie on his. With his head resting on your shoulder, you ask, "So, what should we search for first?"

"Um, I guess a strap-on for you to fuck me with."

You clap in agreement. "Great, but I could use some help deciding on the size and shape I should go for. I don't know much about strap-ons and your personal preferences." You search for strap-ons on Amazon and scroll until one catches your eye. "Hold on, what about this one? Do you think it'll work? I know it doesn't technically have a strap but I think this part is meant to be inserted inside me and as long as I grip it securely, it should function like one, right?"

Harry examines the screen closely and confirms, "I believe this'll work. It'll also bring you pleasure, which is an added bonus." He recalls the last time someone used a strap-on with him and how they complained the whole time about the strap part that went around their waist was super uncomfortable. So this should be a better option.

Thinking for a moment, you hesitantly question, "So like, what size do you want? And should I find it in a blue or black? You know, more manly colors."

Harry can't help but giggle when he hears the nervousness in your voice. He finds it amusing that you are contemplating such matters. "I think five to six inches would be just right for me. And baby, when you're fuckin' me in the ass, I won't be too concerned about how manly the dildo looks. Pink will do just fine."

"Understood," you say with a hint of awkwardness. After specifying the desired length and ensuring the original pink color is selected, you proceed to finalize the purchase. As your card details are already saved on Amazon, the transaction is swiftly processed, and you receive confirmation that the item is expected to arrive in three to five business days. "What else should we buy?"

Harry is aware of something else he desires but feels a bit hesitant to share. It's puzzling, considering you literally just purchased a dildo to fuck his ass with. What that desire is, is some butt plugs. His last set of butt plugs was stolen by a short fling he had a few months ago and he's eager to replace them. He began using butt plugs a few years ago and found them quite enjoyable, mainly for the pleasure they provided rather than for stretching purposes.

Inhaling a deep breath, Harry shyly asks you, "Can I get a butt plug?"

You turn your head, causing his head to lift off your shoulder, and smile at him warmly. Noticing Harry's shyness, you want to reassure him that there's no need for it. No judgement at all. "Of course, baby. No need to get shy on me now. Go ahead and find the ones you like." You hand him your laptop, knowing absolutely nothing about butt plugs. He takes it and starts searching for the perfect one for himself.

Harry selects two plugs; one that's a silver metal plug ,and the other crafted from black silicone with a diamond heart at the end. He explains that the heart is there to provide a pleasant visual for you, making you laugh. The reason for having two different textures is for varying purposes. The metal plug is reserved for when he is feeling particularly aroused and seeks intense pleasure. On the other hand, the silicone plug is more flexible and suitable for wearing outside or even while sleeping, offering a softer option to maintain a feeling of fullness without discomfort.

After Harry purchases the butt plugs of his choice, you take your laptop back and pick out two vibrators for yourself. You already have a couple in your nightstand drawer, but want to get a few new additions and upgrades. You chose the rose vibrator everyone has been raving about and the vibrator that's wearable in your panties. There's a part that inserts inside of you for g-spot stimulation and an outer part that stimulates your clit. And, to give Harry some control, it can be operated by an app on a phone. Meaning, if he wanted to, he could control when it turned on and off, teasing you and making you edge for hours.

You finish buying the last of your sex toys and shut your laptop, snuggling with each other on the couch. Now you're counting down the days until they all arrive and you can try them out on one another.

(PLEASE REBLOG BECAUSE WRITING IS NOT EASY AND IT'S FREE SO JUST DO IT)

(no more tags are allowed because i've hit my number limit. sorry : ( )

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My Masterlist Masterpost

Not So Patient After All {part. 13}

[jifloulette]

It reminded me of you.

relationships with blue lock boys as kpop songs . . .

pairing -> itoshi rin, bachira meguru, yoichi isagi x gn!reader (seperate !)

warnings -> some angst on some parts, swearing here and there, might be ooc ? not proofread !!

word count -> rin and yoichi's is 0.7k, bachira's is 0.9k

author's note -> please click the links on the song names !! it'll help you understand why i chose that specific song ^^

. . . itoshi rin !

♫ now playing . . run2u by stayc - - - next in queue . . save me save you by wjsn

You knew the risks of dating someone cold and stoic like RIN ITOSHI, hell you were even surprised that he liked you back. You knew damn well that you were going to get hurt in the process, but you didn't care. All you wanted to do was to be with him. It doesn't matter if he's happy (you might not see it on the outside but being his s/o made you know how he is if he's happy), disheartened or upset. Your friends warned, fuck, even your classmates who you didn't even know or liked told you so. They just didn't know him like you did. Yes, you've gotten hurt before but he would ALWAYS apologize. You've learned to become patient for him during his breakdowns, he would say things like "I fuckin' hate my lukewarm brother." and "I need to become fucking better, how else am I.. gonna beat him..". You were confused whenever his breakdowns happened, it wasn't a weekly thing for him to do that, it only happened whenever you noticed him become tense and pressured. You didn't know why he hated his brother, I mean the Itoshi Sae? But you've never asked him about it, knowing he'd get agitated.

You were the first ever person he fell for, the first person he genuinely liked being around. RIN ITOSHI was scared for the first time again, scared that one day you might leave him too. Scared that he might scare you away because god, he knows how he acts whenever he's feeling distressed. He couldn't understand it, why have you stayed this long with him? Why did you treat him so differently? Weren't you just using him for his money and his fame? He knew the answers to all of his questions when one day, he just couldn't take it anymore. He'd accidentally lashed out his anger on you, the one person who he actually cared for. RIN ITOSHI had accidentally hit you, it didn't hurt much, yet it still alarmed you. He realized what he did just in time before he held you in his arms, apologizing over and over again as he cried onto your shirt. "Baby.. it's okay, really.." you said to him while caressing his hair. "N-no.. it's not! I'd accidentally hurt you, the one person I genuinely cared for..! H-how is that okay?!" RIN ITOSHI replied, you carefully asked him if he wanted to talk about why he felt like this to which he hesitantly said yes to. "I wanna know what happened, Rinnie.. don't try to hide it. I'll always be by your side", just by saying those words, RIN ITOSHI poured his heart out on his vent to you, saying that he felt distressed because he heard some of your classmates saying that his brother will always be better than him. He told you the reason why he hated his brother, he recalled the night where his brother said some things that was too painful to say out loud. After he was done, you held him in your arms once more, RIN ITOSHI couldn't take it anymore. He cried once again, asking you why you had stayed with him this long, why were you here listening to his vents, were you just getting dirt to gossip about him? You asked him saying, "Rinnie.. you wanna know why I've been here with you for so long?", he looked up at you with his beautiful teal eyes and simply nodded, "The only reason why I'm here with you is because I love you. Not for your fame, not for your success, and certainly not for your money but for you..", RIN ITOSHI was surprised, you really weren't using him? He had doubted you for a bit but oh, your tone while you said that to him made him believe that what you were saying is true. That's all that he needed to hear before hugging you tightly again, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. "Thank you so so fucking much, y/n.. you don't know how much I love you..", the black-haired boy in front of you said.

RIN ITOSHI now believes that true love exists, and true love is wherever you are. He didn't care if you saw him at his most vulnerable state, he knew you wouldn't gossip that to your other friends. RIN ITOSHI now knows the answers to all of his questions, he knows that you will stay with him until the end of times.

. . . bachira meguru !

♪ now playing . . love is lonely by NMIXX

BACHIRA MEGURU was convinced that you were his special someone. You were convinced that he was your special someone too. For all of BACHIRA MEGURU's life, he'd been lonely. Only sharing his love and appreciation to his mother who held deeply in his heart. The second you went up to him, asking if he was okay, he felt skeptical. He wasn't stupid, so he'd ask you if someone ordered you to come to him just to record him at his weakest. You were taken aback yet you knew what the others said about him and his "monster", you really could care less about what they said about him. "Huh? No.. I came here because I saw feeling down after classes ended." you replied, you took your hand out and asked him if he wanted to come with you to go to a place that was special to you. He was reluctant at first but eventually gave in. He'd noticed you in class before, you weren't like the others. You genuinely had a pure heart.

You ran in front of him while holding his hand still. BACHIRA MEGURU swore he felt a big, genuine smile starting to grow on his face. Were you the person the monster inside him was looking for? You introduced him to a small bench, not that far from the school. You told him how you discovered this place as you were randomly walking home and decided that it was gonna be your special place. You had brought fairy lights to hang on the trees that were around the bench. The two of you sat on it and it was as if fate that you guys fit perfectly on it. You went on rambling about how you'd always wanted to be his friend but you were to shy to ask him, and how he'd been the first ever person you had brought along to go here. He didn't even notice how there was light pink tint starting to grow on his face. Ever since then, you and BACHIRA MEGURU had been together as if the two of you were cursed for all eternity to be together, he wouldn't mind if that was the case.

It wasn't long before he had started to fall for you, just the way you would talk to him, take care of him, comfort him, and treat him as if he were an actual person were just a few reasons on why he'd fallen for you. If he could, he would rant on for hours and hours on why he likes you so much. Before he knew it, it had already been 6 months since the two of you had met. You'd asked him to go your guys' special place to which he had ecstatically said yes to. He obviously wanted to at least look good for you, even though you said that whatever he would wear, he'd still look good. The second he arrived at the bench, he saw that you weren't there which was strange.. He thought maybe you were just playing games with him. "Y/n! You can come out now~!" BACHIRA MEGURU shouted playfully, yet you still didn't come out. He noticed an envelope on the bench with a heart sticker on it, he knew that he would want you to open it knowing that only you and him knew about this secret hangout spot and thought you had left it for him to find. He noticed a handwritten "To: BACHIRA MEGURU, my best friend in the whole entire world" on it, and when he opened the envelope, a long piece of paper was in it. He slowly unfolded it and read the contents of the letter. "Dear Megu, I'm sorry I couldn't come to you face to face to tell you what I've been feeling recently. The thing is, the second you held my hand that late afternoon, I fell for you. Call it stupid but god, I immediately fell for you. The fact you didn't hesitate to come with me just made me blush thinking about it. I've always knew I liked you before we were even friends, but I just thought of it as infatuation. You really did prove me wrong because you were the person I've been meaning to find ever since I watched romance movies and discovered what love is. The fact you listen to my endless talks about whatever really made me fall for you even more! In the span of the 6 months of our friendship, you became someone that I loved being around with. I want to end our friendship though.. and maybe start having a new relationship, a romantic one. Soo.. what do you say? Will you accept?", the letter said and god did he fall for you even more. The fact that you loved him the same way he loved you, oh who was he kidding, he's head over heels for you. As he was coming to the end of the letter, a pair of hands slowly hugged him from behind. He knew it was you, he recognized your touch all too well. The second you hugged him, he turned around and picked you up. "Oh y/n! You don't know how long I've been waiting for this day!" You were surprised, you really didn't expect that unpredictable action of his. Your smile became as big as the entire world to say the least, your eyes having some sort of sparkle in it. "So, do you accept..?" you asked gleefully, to which BACHIRA MEGURU replied by kissing you.

BACHIRA MEGURU had finally found the true meaning of love, it was the embodiment of you. The hardships of his life he had left behind due to you. He went inside the school campus with a smile on his face knowing you would be there waiting for him. BACHIRA MEGURU had finally fallen, he had let himself fall for you.

. . . isagi yoichi !

𝄞 now playing . . cool with you by New Jeans

If there was one word to describe how ISAGI YOICHI felt whenever he was with you, it would be comfort. Just being beside you, it would bring him to ease knowing that you were right there with him. You guys could be scrolling on your phones, showing each other different videos that reminded you guys of each other and he would already fall deeper in love with you. You understood him better than anyone else could, you knew what to do and what to say whenever he felt sorrowful. Whether it be losing a really really important soccer match or if he felt insecure and unconfident. Maybe that's why he liked you so fucking much. Your presence just soothes his soul, he didn't know how to explain it, it just did.

ISAGI YOICHI didn't always need for you to tell him how much you loved him, he could always feel it, as if the two of you were somehow telepathically connected. Just simply holding his hand, caressing his hair, and telling him how good he was at playing soccer was all he needed to know. People could see how deep the connection the two of you had, even before you guys were together. Whatever emotion he was feeling, it was almost as if you felt it the same way he did, maybe that's why the two of you had such a strong bond with each other. The two of you could go days and days doing the same thing over and over again but it wouldn't bore him, not when the person who he cherishes most was with him. Sometimes, ISAGI YOICHI finds himself zoning out during classes just thinking about you! He just can't help it, he's totally the type to chat you "I miss you" the second you part ways after walking home from school. He really cherishes every moment he has with you, even if he's not physically next to you, just seeing you makes him relaxed. That's definitely his motivation whenever you watch his games as well, just seeing you cheer your heart out for him, he can't help but drive himself to win, just for you.

Even if he knows how much he means to you, he sometimes can't help but doubt himself, he finds himself wondering if the effort he's putting into the relationship is the same as the effort you put in. "Baby.. do you think that sometimes.. I'm somehow lacking something in our relationship..?" the deep blue-eyed boy in front of you asks, "Huh? Love, of course not! You've given so much into our relationship, what else could I ask for?" you reply, your hand cupping his cheek. "'m sorry baby, I just felt down.." ISAGI YOICHI says, "Oh baby.. don't you ever think that you're dragging our relationship down, okay? I know you love me the same way I love you." you remind him, kissing his forehead. You see him blush and the tip of his ears turn red and you pinch his cheek as you tease him for being so so cute! "H-hey..! Why'd you just randomly pinch me!" the dark blue haired boy says, "Well, you're just so so so cute and I can't believe you're mine~!" you playfully respond. His face becomes even redder now that you said that. You chuckle at the sight of him and you pepper his face with kisses, on his lips, his neck, his jawline, his forehead, you bet that you didn't leave any part of his face untouched. It was moments like these in where he thought that the two of you were the only ones in the world, he has an album of memories in his brain stored with each and every memory the two of you had ever made. God was he crazy about you.

ISAGI YOICHI believed, no, he knew that you were his soulmate and that you knew that he was yours. He would find comfort whenever you were with him, and though he isn't the most verbally talkative lover, you knew how much he adores you. (Please let him daydream about how ethereal you would look at your guys' wedding, he would very much appreciate it, even if you find it funny)

©🇯​​🇮​​🇫​​🇱​​🇴​​🇺​​🇱​​🇪​​🇹​​🇹​​🇪​, do not steal, translate, or repost any of my writings anywhere else.

[priniya]

🌊 ASSUMPTIONS

SYNOPSIS. jj maybank gets a little too involved with a kook for his friends’ liking, but he wouldn’t be jj maybank if he gave a shit. on contrary, you do and it bothers him.

NOTES. jj maybank x kook!reader. a little short + not proofread

you definitely underestimated how much things people assume on a daily basis. it had never bothered you before you got with a certain blond pogue — maybe, because beside your small friendship with sarah cameron (and an occasional hook up with her older brother), no one really cared. then you started hanging out with jj maybank and nothing was truly the same.

some people shamelessly assumed that your sweet relationship was strictly of convenience. maybank was with you for the money, giving you weed and fulfill your sexual needs whenever you wanted. some would say that you knew how rafe… wasn’t exactly a fan of pogues, so you hung out with jj to get back at the oldest cameron sibling.

on the other hand, hardly anyone reckoned that due to all that time you were caught spending together made you genuinely like him. no, you always had to have some kind of cruel reasoning for skipping school to smoke weed in the back of twinkie (and make out).

did it bother you? unfortunately, a little bit too much. your boyfriend just got into your room by the halfway open balcony door while you were scribbling down math homework on your ipad. your coursework was one of the small amount of activities that let you rest your brain and get busy with something so insignificant to your relationship.

jj knew you were subconsciously upset. he didn’t really have to ask — the uneasiness painted all over your gorgeous face. his long, distressed sigh got you out of trance. your eyebrows scrunched at the sight in front of you. how did he get there?

“tell me what’s in that pretty head of yours.” he muttered, face inches away from yours after having kissed you — too shortly for your liking.

“my brain.” you let out, hands going to the collar of his t-shirt, unsuccessfully trying to pull him into another of those sweet, mindblowing kisses. “jay.” a groan slipped from your lips as he refused once again and you felt like going insane, one night he says he can’t stop himself from kissing you and now he does? liar.

“let me rephrase the question, you brat.” his eyes rolled. “what’s bothering you so much that you can’t tell me?” his fingers brushed through your hair as you sat yourself in his lap.

“kiss me and i’ll tell you.”

“tell me and i’ll kiss you.” another groan left your mouth, earning a quiet chuckle from him. he was worried, but sending you over the edge was funny, hilarious even.

ten minutes. that’s how long the two of you sat in silence until you were ready to reveal the reason of your upset, thoughts organised and your forehead against his shoulder, while his fingers were tracing different patterns on your back, sending a shiver down your spine once in a while.

“i just— shit, it’s so stupid.” you mumbled, your voice muffled against his shoulder. “i hate that people think you want something particular from me or the other way around.” it’s there and jj couldn’t help but chuckle at your explanation.

not because he thought little of your worried, but because it was almost unlike you to be so bothered by people so insignificant in your life. “doll.” the blond cracked a smile, gently nibbling at your earlobe. “me and you, ride or die, eh?” jj’s smile only got wider, when you nodded. “let them assume whatever they want, why stop ‘em? you know your feelings and i know mine. this is the thing that matters. not gonna lie, though, if you were with me just for my weed or my dick, that would probably give me a god–complex. imagine that the hottest girl in the entire outer banks is with you, because you fuck her so well? jesus, i might get a hard–on right now.”

“you really can’t simply tell me that you love me, can you?” you asked with a smile lingering on your lips long before he finally pressed his mouth against yours.

“you know i do, doll. where’s the fun in that?”

[whyse7vn]

I’M SORRY -

[ ot7 x reader ]

JUNGKOOK -

jk: i’m sorry

jk: didn’t mean to make you upset :(

i hope i die

i should get jumped

barely survive

be on life support until i’m 50

and when i wake up die from the most painful heart attack recorded

i hope no one attends my funeral and i’m publicly and privately made fun of even after i’ve passed

hope my parents are ashamed and i hope that whenever the name jungkook is said people feel sick to their stomachs

i’m gonna throw up

gonna choke myself to death

i have the tightest grip on my throat rn

i’m going red

it’s fading to black

i’m sorry i wasn’t being a good boyfriend

tell bam that his dad was an asshole who didn’t deserve any rights

don’t even let him remember me as his father

i don’t deserve that title

i don’t deserve anything

not after what i did

burn all my clothes

delete all my pictures

tear my face off all posters

cross my name off all paperwork

i am not worthy of anything

y/n: shut up

jk: i’m sorry

y/n: i can tell

jk: i didn’t mean it

y/n: i forgive you

jk: really?

y/n: yeah

jk: do you really or are joking?

if ur joking it’s not a funny joke

y/n: you can come back home now

jk: really 🥺?

y/n: don’t ever use that emoji again

jk: sorry

i’m coming

omw

i love you

this is so great

y/n: you’re so dramatic

jk: i’m sorry

y/n: stop apologising

jk: sorry

i mean

ok

love u

y/n: hurry up

jk: 🏃‍♂️

SEOKJIN -

jin: can you talk to me now

hey

hey

hey

hey

hey

hey

hey

hey

i’m going to kms and it gonna be all your fault if you don’t reply to me

y/n: record it

jin: hey loml 😘😘❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗

WAIT WTF

THATS SO SICK?/?:£:££.&.&.&&.

y/n: what do you want?

jin: i love you ❤️💓🩷

y/n: bye

jin: WAITTTT :(((((((((((((((

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

y/n: what

jin: i’m outside 🤭🤗❤️

y/n: stay outside

jin: am i a dog?????

DON’T ANSWER THAT

anyways

i’ve come to see you princess 😘❤️‍🔥

y/n: gross

go home

jin: i am home 🥺

y/n: ur at MY home

jin: tu casa es mi casa 😚

y/n: that is not how that phrase goes

jin: let me inside pookie it’s cold 😍

y/n: you should have a key if it’s ur house

jin: LET ME IN IM TRYING SOSOSOSO HARD

FUCK YOU

ITS COLD

MY HAIR IS WET

IM DISTRESSED

LET ME INNNNNNNN

y/n: it took you 3 minutes

to be an asshole again

jin: :((((

i really tried that time

i can’t help it

this is real this is me

i was born this way

you can’t change me

ur the asshole if we think about it why are you trying to change people?? let the world know you LOSER

y/n: fyi you can stay outside

jin: PLS NOOOO PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS

y/n: “pls” doesn’t really sound like sorry to me…

jin: I SAID IM SORRY

I DIDN’T MEAN TO SHOUTT

IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRYYYYYYYYYYY

i love you

this is kinda sadistic if you think about it

didn’t know you was a freak like that bae

it’s okay i kinda like it

how about you let me in now

or do you want me to beg more???

pls oh plsssss let me in 🥺

i’ll never be mean again i promise 😇

pls 😚

hello??

babe??????

fr this isn’t funny

hello

HELLO

OPEN THE DOOR PLS

HELLLOOOO

OMH

HELLLLO

pls

i’m fr sorry

i mean it like genuinely

hello

…

okay let’s stop now

…………..

HELLLLO

fuck you

HOSEOK -

hobi: this fighting stuff kinda boring now

….

hello

i’m sorry

BOOOO

:(((

y/n: you can’t just walk out the house mid argument

hobi: in my defence u were being mean

y/n: so were you???

hobi: ??

y/n: be honest are you fr gonna just leave like that when things get hard?

hobi: i mean i might

y/n: …

hobi: things were pretty hard

y/n: AS MAN OF THE HOUSE YOU SHOULD OF GOT RID OF THE SPIDER

hobi: AS A FEMINIST I LEFT YOU TO TAKE CARE OF IT TO HELP YOU FEEL EMPOWERED

y/n: fuck you don’t come home

hobi: i would never lie to u bae 🙏🏼

and i would never suppress a moment for a woman to feel empowered

y/n: don’t actually fucking speak to me

hobi: ily

cheer up baby cheer up baby

y/n: picked the wrong member

jungkook would of helped me

hobi: omg????????

are you fr?

y/n: would never lie to you bae 🙏🏽

hobi: ….

JIMIN -

jimin:

y/n: ???

jimin: are you still mad at me?

y/n: yes jimin wtf

jimin: do you want to have sex?

y/n: yes jimin wtf

jimin: love you

y/n: whatever

jimin: say it back

y/n: i won’t

jimin: you will

y/n: definitely will not

jimin: i’ll sing for you

y/n: no thanks

jimin: no thanks?

y/n: no thanks.

jimin: you say that like i’m bad at singing

y/n: eh

jimin: eh?

y/n: eh.

jimin: i won’t have sex with you

y/n: aw man

jimin: don’t sound too sad

y/n: ok

jimin: you should be

y/n: i’m not

jimin: i go crazy in bed yk?

y/n: that is the ugliest thing you have ever said to me

jimin: if ur not in love with me just say that

y/n: i won’t

jimin: so ur IN love with me is what i’m hearing

y/n: ur not hearing anything cuz we are messaging rn

jimin: can you just tell me you love me like a normal person?

y/n: you don’t deserve it

jimin: okay maybe that’s true

but you should do it just once

pretty pls with a cherry on top 🥺

y/n: i’ll punch you

jimin: maybe i’ll enjoy it

y/n: nasty

jimin: kiss me

y/n: where are you?

jimin: ur really gonna kiss me?

y/n: ur talking long to tell me where you are so ig i’m not

jimin: joon’s studio

y/n: maybe i’m omw

jimin: ur so in love with me it’s kinda gross 🤭

YOONGI -

yoongi: :3

y/n: die tbh

yoongi: :3

y/n: your stupid faces mean nothing to me

yoongi: :3

y/n: …

yoongi: :33333

y/n: i hate you

yoongi: :Ɛ

y/n: ew wtf how did you do that

yoongi: Ɛ:

y/n: stop omg

yoongi: i’m sorry :3

y/n: cool

yoongi: i’m fr :3

y/n: idc :3

yoongi: you used the face :3

ur not mad :3

y/n: ur logic is wrong

yoongi: bring the face back :3

and it’s not logic it’s common sense :3

y/n: ur wrong

yoongi: never been wrong a day in my life :3

y/n: that’s crazy

so when you shouted at me for no reason you weren’t in the wrong?

good to know

yoongi: okay i never said that :3

y/n: but you did

yoongi: ur being annoying :3

y/n: fuck you

DID YOU JUST SEND ME 10K?????????

yoongi: did i? :3

y/n: you can’t just buy my forgiveness

yoongi: i can’t? :3

y/n: this is not how relationships work yoongi

yoongi: this is how our relationship works :3

y/n: no it’s not

STOP SENDING ME MONEY OMG?:£:£:’

yoongi: :3

y/n: you are still not forgiven leave me alone

yoongi: unforgiven i’m a villain :3

y/n: SEND ANOTHER 10k AND UR GETTING BLOCKED

yoongi: ur making me real upset rn :3

y/n: go back to work

yoongi: stop being mad at me :3

y/n: die

yoongi: don’t say that i’m about to get on a plane :3

y/n: now i feel bad

yoongi: say sorry :3

y/n: nvm

yoongi: :(

look you’ve made me change faces hope you feel bad :(

y/n: i don’t

yoongi: ur sick and twisted :(

y/n: cry about it

yoongi: really hope i survive this plane ride :(

y/n: i will not be guilt tripped by you

yoongi: you told me to die knowing i was getting on a plane :(

y/n: bye

yoongi: what if i had a deep deep fear of flying and u made that fear 10x worse rn :(

y/n: you don’t

yoongi: you don’t know a thing :(

y/n: fuck you

yoongi: do you really want ur last words to me be fuck you :(

y/n: fly safe

TAEHYUNG -

y/n: no

tae: hiiiiiiii

wtf how did you know

y/n: blocked

tae: NONONONONONO

y/n: you have one minute

go

tae: i am walking alone rn

y/n: ???

tae: on the street

y/n: ok?

tae: alone

y/n: you said that

tae: ALONE

ALL ALONE

y/n: right

tae: it’s not right actually

ITS VERY FAR FROM RIGHT

i’m ALONE

do you know what could happen to me rn?

i could literally be snatched up off the street by anyone

y/n: hopefully it’s a rehabilitation centre 🙏🏽

tae: WHAG IS UR PROBLEM

IM ALONE ALONE ALONE ALONE

ME

KIM TAEHYUNG ALONE ON THE STREET

WHAT ARE YOU NOT GETTING HERE?

y/n: ur one minute is up

tae: no it’s not

can you pls care for me rn i’m stressed out

y/n: it was pretty stressful when you stood me up yesterday

but i powered through 💪🏽

i’m sure you can do the same!!!

tae: that never happened

pls let’s pretend that never happened

i’m the perfect boyfriend i swear

y/n: get lost

like actually

never come back

tae: 😢

you don’t even mean that

y/n: are you sure?

tae: IM SORRY PLS PLSPLSSSSSS

forgive me

y/n: no

tae: you can have my card

y/n: don’t want it

tae: take my house

i’ll give you my keys rn

y/n: i have ur keys

tae: you do?

you thief omg

give them back

y/n: you left them here???

after YOU stormed out my house after you made ME upset

tae: oh yeah

i’m coming back now

y/n: asshole

tae: let’s put this behind us and move on

that’s a great idea i say

y/n: you are single

tae: don’t say that

y/n: said it

tae: we are actually engaged and expecting our 10th child

y/n: you are single

tae: top 10 singles

made a few of those in my time

LOL

i’m funny right

say i’m funny

y/n: it’s painful talking to you

tae: painfully in love with me are you?

y/n: it’s like i’m taking to a brick wall

you have like selective hearing

tae: what i’m hearing is you want to kiss me on the lips?

y/n: call an ambulance

tae: feeling so much love for me ur throwing up?

???

hello

oh

ok

maybe i do deserve this

NAMJOON -

y/n: would you now like to explain why the hell you sent halsey flowers on MY birthday??

namjoon: it wasn’t just on ur birthday i’ve been sending them all week for like a month now

y/n: namjoon what the fuck??

namjoon: i’m confused

y/n: UR confused????

do you like her or something?

namjoon: ofc i like her!

y/n: so ur cheating?

namjoon: what

y/n: ur cheating on me and you have no shame???

what the actual fuck is wrong with you??

namjoon: i’m not cheating?

y/n: for a month now you’ve been sending another girl that you like flowers

EVERY WEEK???

namjoon: every friday

y/n: fuck you

namjoon: i’m confused how that’s cheating when you told me to do that?

y/n: WHEN HAVE I EVER SAID “OH NAMJOON SEND OTHER BITCHES FLOWERS”

namjoon: you literally said you loved how halsey’s bf gave her flowers every week and that you wished i did that?

y/n: ….

there is no way

….

namjoon

oh my god

kim fucking namjoon

LMAOOSO ARE YOU FR?

namjoon: what??? i’m so confused pls tell me what i did wrong

i would never cheat on you

ur freaking me out

y/n: think about it

why would i wish you sent halsey flowers?

think

like really think

namjoon: IDK i was confused as hell but you seemed like you really wanted me to

so i did

y/n: i meant i wanted you to buy ME flowers you idiot omg

namjoon: oh

that makes a lot more sense

y/n: yeah

you are the dumbest smart man i’ve ever met

namjoon: my fault

i get confused sometimes 😞

y/n: i love you

namjoon: i love you too

ur not mad anymore?

y/n: could never be mad at you silly

[bunglestraydogs]

Nobody but Oda and Atsushi really care for Dazai.

Before ANYONE starts coming after me viciously and saying that obviously it's not just them that care for Dazai, I know. I'm not saying nobody else cares. I'm just saying that these two cared the most and are genuinely worried for him. Well, were. RIP Oda. <3

Let me explain why.

We all are very much aware of the jumpscare we got in BSD Wan, right? Where we thought it was all cute and happy, and BAM we get fucking shot in the chest by Dazai's "When I go, I hope to go out just as beautifully."

HELLO? This was not okay. Usually, when we hear Dazai talking about suicide (save for Fifteen and The Dark Era) he's pretty whimsical about it, not ever really serious. Yet, here, we see just how serious he is. Atsushi does think he's half-joking at first, before he looks towards Dazai and just sees this dead, dull look in his eyes whilst he smiles at the sky. Atsushi is rattled by this, and genuinely distressed. Fuck me, I sobbed when I first watched this scene, I was not expecting the wholeass 180. Anyways, we see how upset Atsushi is by this statement. "Please don't say stuff like that, even as a joke." We still get zero reaction from Dazai. Nothing. Here, we see him without his usual comic relief mask, but he's still guarding himself.

Let me get into why I think.

Dazai has not had anyone genuinely care about him at any point in his life (excluding before he was 14, fuck knows what happened there) so far. Mori, who was essentially a really twisted and fucked up father figure, didn't care about his wellbeing much, except for the fact that he stopped him committing suicide multiple times for the first year that he knew him. Not out of the kindness of his heart, but due to the fact that Dazai was still a necessary pawn in Mori's plans, and he couldn't let him die yet. It literally says so in the Fifteen LN.

Chuuya cares about him to some extent. When Dazai gets wounded (and it's not inflicted by Chuuya) he gets worried and concerned. Prime example being during their fight with Lovecraft, when Dazai gets fucking slapped against a tree. Chuuya punches Lovecraft with a "heavy fist" and then immediately runs over to Dazai, making sure he's okay. When Dazai eventually looks up, Chuuya becomes shaken at how bad his wound is. Then, the next time that Dazai gets slapped again, Chuuya is very very shaken, as Dazai starts spouting off about how he's going to die, and his final words. Chuuya is clearly rattled, and is trying to get him to shut up, asking him what the hell he means. Then, obviously, Dazai is messing, and Chuuya grows anger. Despite Chuuya's hatred for Dazai, he is clearly concerned where his partner's wellbeing is involved. The first time they meet, Chuuya is once again shaken by Dazai when he says to "kill him now then", and is taken aback. Through the years, however, Chuuya becomes desensitised to Dazai's suicidal antics, and he even teases him when they reunite, asking him if he still wants to kill himself, then grows disappointed when Dazai outright admits to it.

Kunikida is of course concerned about his partner, but is also exasperated and annoyed by him. When Dazai goes missing, he even jabs at the fact that he could of actually succeeded in killing himself this time (he mentions that he's probably floating in a river somewhere). As he does mention, though, "That man's ability to avoid death approaches nightmare proficiency." Then Ranpo, "Not even the Port Mafia would be able to get the better of him." And Kenji, "Even after all those suicide attempts, he's still as lively as ever." This is obviously fucking true, all of it. He sees through everything and each step of his is carefully planned and atriculated. However, as Atsushi says, "Still, aren't you worried?" He knows this, and he understands what they're saying, but he is taken aback by their lack of care. Then, Tanizaki steps in, saying that he'll help look for him. King. Atsushi is happy about this clearly. Atsushi really cares for him already, and he doesn't understand why everyone else is so calm about this situation. It's because they all know that he'll get himself out of there in one piece, as he is able to avoid these types of things expertly and deftly. However, Atsushi still is worried for Dazai. Kunikida has been Dazai's partner for two years now, and so he knows all of his antics and tricks, much like Chuuya. Chuuya, however, knows him better and more in depth. Because the ADA Dazai isn't really him. Of course, it is him, but with his darker side hidden a lot more. I don't think he's ever revealed it to any of the members except for Kunikida during his entrance exam. The rest all think of him as some goofball who's good at what he does and has a passion for suicide and women. However, Chuuya knows him as a twisted, unwell guy with a passion for suicide and all things dark, with a but of a wacky side to him. These two parallells still have one thing in common, however, and that's obviously suicide. Anyways, sorry, I was getting out of hand. Kunikida clearly cares for Dazai and his wellbeing, but again, is also infuriated by him and his attempts at suicide, which nobody takes seriously.

Mori. Fuck, man. This guy? Real piece of shit. Sees Dazai as an asset in his plan, nothing more, nothing less. He values him as a Port Mafia member, not a human being. The dehumanising nature of Mori greatly impacts Dazai and his quest for death; Mori exacerbates this multiple times. Yes, he stops him continuously from killing himself, but once again, only because he needs him as a piece in his game plan. He was the sole witness to his promotion as the boss of the Port Mafia, he can't have him go die on him now. So, he keeps a close watch on Dazai, surveillance constant. He controls and manipulates the shit out of him, using his craving for death as a means to get him to do what he wants, bargaining a drug for a comfortable way out in exchange for him doing missions for him, to which Dazai expects, wanting him to make him that drug. Mori saved him at 14, yet Dazai continues to attempt suicide countless times in just that one year. Mori does not care for his wellbeing, mentally or physically. He drives him out of the mafia with Oda's death, yet still expects him to want to come back as an executive. Despite claiming that he didn't drive Dazai out of the mafia, he indirectly did so. Now, I don't know if he sent Oda into this with the expectation that Dazai was going to leave, but I think he did but also don't think he did? I think he did this as a means to get Dazai more under his control and manipulate him, because he knew how close they were and he knew exactly what strings to pull to get Dazai to snap. Except, I don't think he predicted Dazai actually leaving the Port Mafia, because he couldn't of predicted what Oda would say to Dazai, and he couldn't of predicted how deep their bond was.

This brings me to my main and next point; Oda was the only one who ever cared for Dazai. Ango of course did, but not to the extent of Oda. I don't know if many people have read it, but if you haven't, spoilers for 'The Time I Picked Up Dazai' under the cut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the book, we see just how much Oda begins to really care about Dazai, despite him initially being some shady kid that turned up half dead on his doorstep. He ties him up to his bed just so that he won't try and escape and kill himself, as he exclaims to Oda. Oda goes through so many measures to make sure Dazai doesn't kill himself. Three times. Three fucking times. The first time being Dazai crawling to the door to try and get out so that he can get out of Oda's way and die in peace. The second time, he literally fights Oda because he's trying to stab himself. Then, two seconds later, tries to kill himself with the kettle. Oda has to physically stop him. Oda has to fucking strangle him unconcious to get him to stop. Despite meeting him only three days prior, he cares about his wellbeing. Part of the reason is obviously that he doesn't want a dead kid on his hands, but the other part is that he's growing to care for Dazai. All throughout this little book, we see little glimpses of Oda's genuine concern for Dazai. Obviously at first, he was debating just leaving him on the doorstep, because it wasn't really his issue. Yet, he still drags Dazai back to the bed and ties him up when he tries crawling out the house. In the Dark Era, we see him (in the alley scene) tell Dazai to stop talking after he almost gets shot, because he knows that he's just chatting shit. However, in the book (holy shit, it made me cry when I read it) this happens instead;

The way he described Dazai at the end of this scene kind of broke me. "That of a child about to burst into tears." Now, I don't know whether he meant that Dazai was so happy to finally just, you know, die, or that Dazai was just a troubled child. Both, I think. Odasaku sees Dazai as a child, just a child, and the fact that he wants to die so bad and has such a warped perception of the world genuinely hurts Odasaku. He doesn't want to see Dazai like that; it upsets him. He's genuinely angry at what Dazai did, much like how a father would be angry. He can't stand when Dazai's like this because it breaks his heart. Despite Ango scolding him for letting Dazai speak like that, as he will just start going more off the rails, Oda does tell Dazai not to be like that, and is concerned when he is and when he's serious about it, as opposed to him being whimsical about it in the bar. Ango and Odasaku are like father/brother figures to Dazai, they're fond of him and care about him deeply. Which is why it hurts Dazai so much when it starts falling apart. Bungou Stray Dogs fucking breaks me, because in the scene (I haven't finished The Dark Era LN yet, I'm sorry-) in the anime where Dazai is talking about how everything he loves or wants always leaves in the end whenever he obtains them. And so, when Odasaku died, despite how much Dazai prepared for the things he loves to be lost, he couldn't prepare for it at all. And when he finally loses it, he's lost the final stable thing in his life. His attempt at wanting to live had left. His friendship with Oda and Ango was stained with Ango's betrayal. His life in the Port Mafia became dull and depressing. His attempt at trying to live failed. And his best friend died in his fucking arms.

Then Atushi comes in, and reminds him of all he's lost, yet also all he wants to save and achieve. He raises Atushi, because that's what Oda would have wanted. He raises him because it's the right thing to do, and he wants to be there for him. But he doesn't expect Atsushi to begin to actually hold a deep fondness of him. Dazai, as we all know, cannot handle compliments or being cared for, because it's something so rare and foreign to him. So, even though it's supposed to be funny and nice, BSD Wan really hits fucking hard with this one. He doesn't realise that anyone actually cares for him; evil expects evil from others, as he said. Dazai is constantly on guard, cautious and reserved and shielded. He doesn't want to be hurt again. And so, when Atsushi says shit like this, it catches him off guard, but he can't let that show. He can't let anyone see him vulnerable, because everybody has an ulterior motive. He's going to be used for something.

Sound familiar?

SIGMA.

I know, jumpscare, right?

Bet you weren't expecting me to fucking jump to him.

But, I think that's why Dazai actually cares for Sigma in the little time he's come to know him. "I see. So that's how it is." He says after we see Sigma's internal monologue. Not going to lie, I think Dazai sees a bit of himself in Sigma and is trying to save him from that, and show him that not everyone tries to use him, and that he's safe with him and the ADA, which fucking works when Fyodor tries to manipulate him and Sigma pulls out a fucking UNO reverse card on him, and stands his ground, because he won't be used anymore. Dazai has never been able to confront Mori properly about anything, and so if he can let someone else feel what he wishes he could, then that would make him happy. Plus, Sigma's technically an orphan lol.

Another thing of importance to note is

Okay sorry I've been sat here for about five minutes trying to remember and I can't FUCK.

Anyways, the care from Atsushi that Dazai gets is foreign to him. He doesn't know how to respond, so he just doesn't respond at all. Because it hurts too much, and reminds him of Oda.

I THINK I REMEMBERED BUT I DON'T KNOW IF THIS WAS IT.

Anyways, despite it being what I thought of or not, it's a key point to make. When Atsushi's orphanage Director passes away, and he doesn't know how to feel, it's Dazai there to help him through it as he faces the loss of a "loved" one. He doesn't know how to feel about the Director's death. He was someone who raised him, someone who was always there. Except, the Director was a sick, twisted and cruel man, despite him only trying to prepare Atsushi from the worst and save him from what he went through himself and what Atsushi's parents did to him. Clearly not the correct way to raise a kid. However, Dazai tells him "When someone's father dies, they tend to cry." Dazai; emotionless, inhuman and uncaring. This is how Chuuya sees him in his Port Mafia days. This is how everyone saw him; someone to be feared for his lack of humanity and twisted way of dealing with things, his warped perceptions of the universe. Yet, when Odasaku dies, it's the only time we see Dazai crying, and it's the most upset or nervous or emotional we've seen him; the guy's a fucking wreck. This just broke me when he said that, not just because poor fucking Atsushi, but also because Oda was a father figure to Dazai. The only time we have seen him cry was of course Oda. And when he says that to Atsushi, my heart breaks. Literally crumbles. This series is actually god awful, I hate it.

In conclusion, Dazai obviously doesn't respond well to compliments or worries about his wellbeing, and Atsushi reminds him too much of Oda. Everything Atsushi is and does; Atsushi, who he's took under his wing as an orphan. Atsushi, who doesn't see the value or meaning in killing people. Atsushi, who asked Aku to be a mafia member who doesn't kill. Atsushi, who took in Kyouka, despite her flaws, and Dazai had to be there to explain that no matter what, she could be in the ADA, despite her kills, despite being an assassin, despite being in the PM. This shit hits hard for him, and I hate it so much.

Anyways, sorry for this long ass rant but it just kills me how nobody actually thinks to look deeper into Dazai's suicidal tendencies, as he's clearly not okay. Atsushi and Oda are the only one's who have ever thought to pursue it, and actively stop him from thinking like that.

I hope you're all having a lovely day/night! <3

[kale-smoothies]

Scourge’s and Sonic’s dynamic is truly fascinating just from how similar they can be towards each other at times. Sure they had their defining traits that made them opposites but that still didn’t necessarily blot out the fact on how similar they were in general. But despite claiming to be the “Sonic at his fullest potential”, Scourge was always reaching out to him in some way, while Sonic was increasingly getting sick of him. (I get sort of sad thinking about how drastically he flipped this viewpoint about himself once he was in prison. )

Like he’s so persistent with it, later even expressing genuine distress about Sonic not taking his offer when he was super. Had all the power and advantage at the time but still got upset when Sonic wasn’t even listening to him lmfao. 

And Sonic goes on his way, not getting caught up in the past usually while Scourge is looking back at their interactions for some reason or another.

Your honor I like to see where their dynamic was going to be originally explored further but I also just wanted to see this Sonic eventually give the same energy (maybe hug Scourge) at some point. Even if he really has no obligation to…I mean take a good look on what he deals with besides Scourge.

But considering he rolled with Scourge’s claim about him being his evil/reverse self in his first appearance, and to throw him in prison more willingly than FUCKING EGGMAN who is arguably more vile, (idc what Zonic said about the prime zone needing an Eggman, if I was Sonic I’d throw Eggman off the fucking orbit, that’s not even HIS EGGMAN) I’ll never see it happen.

I read somewhere where Scourge pointed out the fact that he was Sonic but if things went wrong for him, sonic but he didn’t have friends to back him up, or help him, or support. Sonic had always shown distaste towards Scourge, but was it because Scourge WAS HIM, but all his bad traits amplified?

PARALLELS MAKE ME SICK i need to reread the comics again

Maybe Scourge saw how Sonic had always redeemed the foes he fought: Shadow, Knuckles, Silver, Emerl, Metal (he tried multiple times) — Maybe he wanted to see that he could get treatment, for Sonic to extend out a hand. He wanted an equal, someone who understood him, someone who isn’t with him for power or fear.

or maybe I should stop thinking of scourge as a pathetic puppy

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Ooooh, I really liked the explaination as to why the transformation quirk stuck! And the thought of Dabi's hormones getting confused is so funny-

Poor Toga, had to smell all of that for the entire meeting.

Shigaraki going from amused to worried is also very important to me. He's really sweet about everything and trying his best to help, and Dabiis so embarassed about it!

I wonder if being turned into a heteromorph affects Dabi's reveal?

I have to justify my bullshit or it Haunts me, so I'm glad that it seemed reasonable!

Poor Toga was Suffering™️, and have we not all at some point in our lives heard about a loved one's dilemma and thought it was funny until we realized they were genuinely distressed over it? It's so important for me to put those humanizing moments into everything (except you, Dog Teeth)!

And oh, I imagine as soon as Dabi starts doing his speel things get out of hand.

Shoto raising his hand.

Dabi, in the middle of his speech: i-- what the fuck are you doing kid? This is not school, put your fucking hand down.

Shoto: my brother wasn't a heteromorph.

Dabi: yeah, no, the cat thing is new-- That's not the point!! I'm Toya Todoroki!

Shoto, visibly struggling not to raise his hand again: It's just that you were not a cat the last time I saw you, and I cannot help being confused over how this happened.

Dabi, exasperated: Does it matter? I didn't have my skin stapled on the last time you saw me either!

Shoto: I was referring to Kamino Ward, but I can understand why you would need those given how badly burned the mountain was. I don't understand how you became a cat.

And on and on until Dabi admits that he got kidnapped and experimented on for years and how when he went home, he found Shoto had replaced him and saw how Enji was "training" him in the exact same way. And then Sho gets quiet and says that he wishes that Dabi would have talked to any of them before he left, because they never replaced him, they always remembered him and Natsuo, mom, and Fuyumi missed him so much.

At this point, Dabi's big reveal is ruined, and sensing his boyfriend is in emotional distress and is about to cry and ruin his own image in a way he would be very upset about later, Tomura shakes AFO's influence, wakes the fuck back up and gets the League and Dabi the fuck out of dodge to deal with all of that later.

[ruthlesslistener]

It's been so long, but I just want to get this off my chest cause what you dis really messed me up to this day.

Being accused of being a pedophile over headcanoning that a small creature whose form is that of a mysterious goo is an adult really ruined my experience with the Hollow Knight community and myself. I saw Ghost as a little sanrio character cause as an Asian who grew up in an Asian country, I was surrounded by little mascot characters whose height did not tell their age at all. You were one of my fave fic writers out there before all this, so seeing you sprout how people like me who have different headcanons are someone dangerous really messed me up as a survivor of abuse. I'm not telling you this to harass you like what your followers may insist cause last I checked they coddled you so much during this time, I'm telling you this cause you ruined one of my special interests with your redtagging. I hope you are happy. I think you pretty much rekindled one of my triggers too: Seeing popular fanfic writers redtag and harass others over headcanons.

Gonna block you again, but I'm just going to say this once: please be kind to others and remember that shit like this isn't enough to say someone is a predator. It just creates and breeds harassment and a person like you with thousands of followers should know better and be more responsible.

Anon, I truly am sorry that my reaction had such a profoundly negative effect on you. That was not my intention and I am genuinely distressed that I caused you such upset. If it helps, this experience actually did greatly sour my experience with the fandom as well, because I did not intend to have that effect and I did not want that effect. I was very, very tempted to simply delete my blog and start all over again specifically to erase any sort of concept of 'authority' that I might have in the fandom space, because the simple thought that someone might take my personal opinions and use them as an excuse to harass others just because I write fanfiction in my free time nearly gave me a panic attack. This isn't to draw the attention off of the fact that I hurt you- this is to drive home the fact that I am not in this fandom to be popular and there is nothing that I say that should be treated as word of god or used to harass others. I should not have that sort of power. Nor do I want it. It honestly makes my skin crawl and if I could wipe my name from everyone's minds while also leaving my work out there for others to find, then I would.

However, I never thought that you specifically were a pedophile, and I was in the wrong to say something that could be constructed as such. I spoke without thinking and without understanding that there was that headcanon beyond unsavory characters in the first place, my interactions with which greatly tarnished my perception of the headcanon because I didn't know any better. Genuinely- I went and asked the people I know in discord (who were likely most of those fans that 'coddled' me), and they told me I was wrong and all the ways that I was wrong, which gave me a big 'oh shit' moment. That's why I shifted my argument to simply explaining why I didn't like it- because yeah, I still fucking don't, but to me it's about as impactful as if someone likes pie vs cake. This shit, at the end of the day, isn't real. It's pixels on a screen and drawing on paper. When I spoke about how it left a bad taste in my mouth and how I had poor experiences with it in the past, that was about a personal bias and experience talking about a broad concept, not anyone specifically. Just because I considered it a red flag due to prior experiences, as stated, does not mean that it is a certainty of danger. I do not at all think that ones fictional preferences are honest indicators of the type of people they are in real life, just indicators that they're people I wouldn't get along with.

(fuckin hell, I'm fucking riddled with red flags myself- just look at my propensity for gore and tragedy and dark, violent media. That's as much of a red flag as what I was talking about before, but I can't handle the imagery of the other for reasons I can't explain other than irrational brain stuff. I also fully expect other people to look at the shit I'm into with disgust and mistrust and to block me on sight- there's plenty of people I've never interacted with who've done that already. Can't blame them for that.)

As for the thing about Ghost being similar to Asian mascots- I genuinely had no idea that was even a thing. I understand that I am biased in this regard. I was raised in a western country who has very different means of telling stories than eastern ones, and not only that, I also grew up in a very closeted-in all forms of the world-household. I didn't have any access to media other than what my local library had until I was around 11, and that was pretty much limited to fanfiction and googling all the shit that my parents banned from me. So I made zero connection to the sort of cutesy mascots in Asian cultures and Ghost until you brought that point up just now. My apologies again on that one, it's genuinely a blind spot on my part and had I known that before I certainly would have taken that into account.

However- and I'm also saying this as someone who has also encountered abuse (though admittedly a very different kind, so I cannot understand nor will pretend to understand that I know how you feel): please also understand that there will be many instances in your life where people trigger you by accident, and they have no idea that they did so until you point it out. This does not mean that they were deliberately trying to harm you. In this case, I was not at all trying to target you specifically- I don't even know you. I had no idea that what I said was an honest-to-god trigger because the whole time I was operating under the assumption that I was talking about something being 'fucking gross' the same way that lasagna is fucking gross, not as in 'I think everyone who thinks this way are genuinely dangerous people'. That's also why I responded so defensively, and why people who knew what I meant came to defend me- because from my perspective, I was talking casually, and then was getting angry replies back about something I did not mean, which felt like I was having words being put into my mouth. And that is a trigger for me as well. Which made it an even bigger fucking mess.

(There is also- and I will now fully admit to this now bc fuck I'm tired of fucking around with these goddamn arbitrary social media rules- a desire to keep antis off my back by playing up my disgust and vitrol to the subject. I've been at the center of their harassment and nearly lost friends bc of people labeling me a proshipper, so I figured the safe way to deal with it is to simply overflaunt a preexisting disgust response so that people don't attack me or accuse me of being something I'm not again.)

I triggered you. I did not know that, but that is not an excuse. You, however, also triggered me, which made the whole mess even worse. Let me explain- I grew up as an autistic child in a highly confrontational household, with a parent who would either deliberately set up scenarios that I would fail at or look for reasons to get angry at so he could blow up at me, yelling abuse and sometimes resorting to physical violence. Because I was the eldest who was supposed to be 'responsible' and 'a good role model' to my younger siblings, this meant that I was second in line for him to take out his anger on. He put words in my mouth and implications I did not mean all the time just so that he wouldn't feel bad later about backing me into a corner, destroying my possessions, and threatening to kill my pets if he did not outright hit me (which he only ever held back on because he was afraid of someone finding the marks and him being taken to jail). Me crying or apologizing only ever made him angrier, but getting angry and aggressive in return made it blow over quicker. So did trying to explain myself, because it at least let me verbally work over that the response I got was irrational. That was why I responded so defensively when I got put into a similar situation here, which is something that I somewhat regret but also do not entirely feel terrible about because how the fuck else was I supposed to respond when I kept explaining myself and you did not listen to me.

We're both human. Humans are messy and flawed. I am not someone that you should look up to or hold on a pedestal in any way because of this, nor should anyone else- I'm literally just a 23 year old guy who's obsessed enough with a story to write stories based on it in my free time, not some sage or king or god. I did not call you a pedophile personally for thinking that a fuckload of pixels I thought was a child wasn't, and when I was explaining why I don't like it, I was explaining my personal bias, not some tried-and-true gospel of divining the true meaning of fiction over something that is- as we just proved- incredibly difficult to discuss due to how subjective it is. I still maintain that my discomfort is very real and that it has a genuine basis in my own experiences, but that doesn't mean that it's valid or any more morally pure than yours. At the end of the day, it's not real, and the actual reason why I dragged this whole dilemma on for so long was because of the nature of the discussion itself throwing up all my self-defense actions rather than anything else. If I knew that it was a genuine trigger instead of fandom wank, and if I stopped getting asks in the first place, then I would have shut the fuck up a long time ago.

Def. recommend keeping me blocked, because while I certainly wouldn't mind reconciliation of a sort, I also think that our triggers overlap and that's not something that either of us should have to deal with. And I'm not talking about the Ghost headcanon either, because I no longer have that shitty knee-jerk reaction of 'oh god another cringe porn artist' to it, and- believe it or not!- have friends who are into completely different interpretations and ships and the like that I personally really dislike that I am also completely chill with because its my irrational meat brain that's the problem. I'm talking about the fact that when you're triggered, you get defensive and start jumping to conclusions (not unfounded ones btw) that unfortunately triggers my own defensive responses because jumping to conclusions is a stupid-niche trigger for me in turn. Shit's not good for either of us and I think you'd be way better off without me in your life.

And again, I really am very sorry that you thought I called you a pedophile. As I have said before, that was not my intention, and I have never believed that. I also will straight-up fight anyone who takes my irrational kneejerk dislike reaction and uses it to attack you, because that was ALSO not what I intended in the slightest and the thought of someone using my inability to shut up about my special interests as a means of 'word-of-god-ing' my likes and dislikes into fandom wank makes me want to hurl.

[onyxheartbeat]

Therapy has been fine and I like my therapist but our sessions are mostly me venting about my anger and sadness and her validating it. It’s good to have a professional to vent to but I’m not feeling any better about anything.

I’m so broken about how he could turn abusive in those instances he did. It was like knowing two completely different people. Most abuse that I’ve heard about or read about happens during arguments and fights but we didn’t do that. I really took pride in how patient and loving I was with him, even when I was upset. I’d talk to him calmly and tell him I didn’t like what he was saying or I’d just cry. But I never yelled at him and I never said anything cruel. So for him to just have it in his heart to slap me, or call me a slur, I don’t understand it.

It’s like his brain would just split. It’s like I could be completely calm and caring and he’d dissociate into another world and become so angry and take it out on me. Then he apologized when he came out of it and begged me to stay and forgive him.

The time he abused me physically was so unprovoked and out of nowhere. He’d confessed to me that he had a dependency on alcohol and that he needed to stop and told me that I could hold him accountable and get him to stop, and that I had “the power” to do that. That same day, he was so depressed and overwhelmed about everything going on in his life, he was already tipsy, and he went to pour himself whiskey, so I told him calmly “don’t do that.” He ignored me and I said again “don’t do that,” and I walked toward him to take the bottle and put it down. I didn’t yell or get aggressive with my body language or anything. He turned to me, pressed his forehead against mine and backed me into a wall then slapped me and said “get the fuck out.” I started crying and told him what he did because it’s like he didn’t even realize or care. And it’s like he snapped out of some other world and started begging me to stay and forgive him.

There were other times he’d emotionally abuse me and just not care how his behavior was affecting me. He’d take pills in way higher doses than he was directed despite me telling him not to, and he’d keep me on the phone sounding so out of his mind, and I’d be so worried he was going to OD. He’d just slur and tell me his injuries were so sore and that he didn’t care if he died. He’d fall down and I’d hear it or he’d drop the phone and he would act fine the next minute. I’d be so concerned he’d stop breathing in his sleep and he’d act like he didn’t need to put his sleep apnea mask on because he just didn’t care anymore. He had no idea how much distress that would cause me.

Those times made up a fairly small portion of the relationship, but they took up so much space in my heart and head. He could be so loving and tender toward me, genuinely wanting me to be taken care of and making me tea and cooking for me, asking what I’d like to eat or what movie I’d like to watch. He’d always reach over to rub my leg and hold my hand, asking if I was warm enough, and putting the heater on for me. He’d offer to do my laundry when I’d stay over more than one night, running to the store to get me anything I needed. He’s also walk holding my hand. He’d ask me to lie next to him and put my head on his chest, and we’d talk for hours and laugh like kids about the most endearing things and memories. He’d be the one begging me to come over, telling me I’m his love, and that he talks to God about me despite his battles with faith. He’d tell me he doesn’t know how to explain our connection, and he’d tell me we will look for each other in the next lifetime. He’d talk about how he’d have loved to have a baby, married me, if we’d only gotten the timing right. He told me he’s always loved me and I was the first to do so many things with him that he’s never experienced in love before.

I don’t know where to go in my heart anymore. I’m just sad all the time. It’s like I don’t know what’s real about anything I had. I can’t believe he’s fine just breaking all the promises and security he built telling me saying over and over that he’d never ghost me again and he’d always be here for me. I don’t know any updates about his heart failure.

[a-tale-of-legends]

is anyone else kind of disturbed about how in the indigo disk everyone is just so callous toward kieran even when he's literally having an emotional breakdown? like he's clearly distressed and unstable at several points and still drayton mocks him with the "ex-champion" jab, carmine acts kinda victim-blamey at some points and even briar is too busy fangirling over terapagos's power to notice kieran being desperate and upset. like at no point does anyone try to reassure him until the very end. the victory music happily plays and everyone congratulates you after the champion battle while he's just frozen in the court with an absolutely broken thousand yard stare. and no one even tries to make up for lying to him, manipulating him, and overall being jerks to a kid who already had issues to begin with.

In complete fairness to them, Kieran was an absolute ass to everyone before then. Not that it's an excuse, he was emotionally and mentally unwell, but I don't exactly expect everyone to suddenly try and cheer Kieran up when he has been honestly pretty cruel before hand.

That being said, yeah. Drayton's Ex-Champion line was completely and utterly unnecessary. I'm pretty sure he just did it to rub it in Kieran's face. Lacey rightfully calls him out on this and while I don't think Amarys said anything, she was noticeably worried for Kieran's well being throughout the entire ID. Again, I need to recheck Carmine's quotes and the indigo disk quotes in general,cause I genuinely don't remember how people reacted to the player winning other than 1) people leaving as soon as Kieran lost, which ouch and 2) the drayton line.

At first I was confused by the whole manipulation and lying line, but I remember Teal Mask. Not sure about anything in ID, other than Drayton and his whole scheme of bringing Kieran down via the player, which he knows would hurt the most ( fuck drayton btw. Love him but also hate him).

Also Brair was obsessive, as is Kieran, but got a completely different thing. She had a one track mind and Kieran's mentality honestly helped her a bunch so. ( Shrugs) ( I hope I'm not sounding like I'm excusing her behavior btw, I'm just saying she literally did not care about Kieran's mental health since he was ultimately still helping her, until she realized " oh this is bad actually")

Going back to Carmine, I do still wish we got an apology from her. I know that she says she'll loosen up and stop being overprotective, but an actual apology is much needed. I know the player did in Teal Mask ( which I feel Kieran didn't. Fully register, but that's just me),but again, it would have been nice to just cement it here. But plots gotta happen, things were moving pretty fast.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, yeah, people didn't really give Kieran the attention he needed when he had his breakdown, which ultimately caused it to fester even more. I partly chalk it up to people honestly being afraid of him, but still. Drayton's an ass, Carmine is trying to get better but wasn't as explored as I'd hoped it would be, the rest of the BB league probably has no clue what the right way to respond is, and Kieran needs a hug.

[theallegedbird]

okokokok ethics town finale!! it was fine i’m so fine coolcool (lying through my teeth screaming shouting shaking violently)

spoilers under cut

OK FIRST OFF, RHY AND LIZ’S PERFORMANCE,, THE EMOTION THEY PUT INTO THE CHARACTERS MAKES IT SO MUCH MORE REAL

god normally i’m not big on fourth wall breaking because in most cases for me it just isn’t done well,, BUT HELL, IT WAS DONE SO WELL JUST,, OUGH

this is assuming ian is right but i think he is

ok so the broadcasts were for him to project out his self hatred?? kinda?? because he was so genuinely upset at everything in them as well as all the other stuff he talked about this ep

him trying get help and just being told to lose weight,, fuck it’s painfully realistic he’s so special to me

AND “if i’m not this, i’m nothing. and i tried to be nothing, trust me i tried, i tried so hard, but i was too scared.” SOBS. SCREAMS. EXPLODES.

the way he kept switching to his january voice whenever he got really distressed or it was the real him coming through,, grabbing him like a squeaky toy,, i care him so much

i know i know he’s a murderer but i just wanna give him a hug,, god, my man is NOT well in any form

he’s evil BUT he’s evil because he KNOWS he can’t be anything else,, “i’m not a person, i’m a construct. i prove a point, the same point, over and over” GAJAJHSHS

i’m so normal about characters with no control over their own lives and the concept of free will vs manipulation/fate in fiction (lying)

AND ARTEMIS,, hugging her tightly

god she has suffered so so much and she still isn’t at a point of accepting she isn’t real, well she is but she’s also not, she’s rightfully angry and hurting and grieving and hell i want to wrap her in a blanket and keep her safe

they have both lost everything and will CONTINUE to because their whole existence is just a sick lesson on morality and they will continue to suffer over and over and over, it cost ian his daughter, and it will continue to cost the both of them

“i don’t like this story. i don’t like it don’t like it, please make it stop. i don’t- i want a different one. please.” IT WOULD OF BEEN BETTER TO HIT ME WITH A BAT. WHAT THE FUCK. HSKSJSJ

i just have one of my favourite parts screen recorded so i can fire it at myself like a tranquilliser dart,, just, man

want to make an animatic of that part so bad

onto actual theories on what the fuck is going on though, based on how some of the speakers in the transcript are called students maybe the town is the result of these people debating and testing ethical conundrums, even if they don’t know they’ve created it, if it’s subconscious or something

alternatively louis is the big evil bad who is doing this to torture us /j

but genuinely well done to all of the people who work on this podcast you all have created something TRULY amazing and the love and passion for it SHOWS

ethics town has DESTROYED me and i mean that in the best way possible

every episode has left me more distraught than the last i love everything about it

the writing the characters the sound design the voice acting everything

i CANNOT wait until s2

[xavantina]

I posted 2,645 times in 2022

9 posts created (0%)

2,636 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@i-see-you-jon

@sjweminem

@vildmus

@strideerandflashlightgirl

@powerbottombrucespringsteen

I tagged 1,483 of my posts in 2022

Only 44% of my posts had no tags

#our flag means death - 145 posts

#stranger things - 90 posts

#hannibal - 81 posts

#loki - 73 posts

#succession - 69 posts

#loki series - 68 posts

#mobius m. mobius - 52 posts

#eddie munson - 50 posts

#ugly laughter - 46 posts

#the sandman - 44 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#five minutes of awkward silence eventually replaced by him starting to tell me in detail the workings of elevators and the odds of us dying

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

cries i love your loki memes

Thank you 😊 I appreciate the support of my meme follies.

1 note - Posted October 24, 2022

#4

Spotify being down causing such a level of distress worldwide really says a lot about our lives…

1 note - Posted March 8, 2022

#3

This is my cat. Her everyday name is Good Girl, but her full name (as written on her pedigree) is Good Girls Go to Heaven.

So you can imagine, based on that, how much Meat Loaf’s music means to me. I’m genuinely upset by this loss. I mean yeah, he had deeply problematic political opinions, but in this case I’m happy to separate art from the artist. Bat Out of Hell is one of my favourite albums of all time, ever since I was a child. It’s one of those cases of “your dad played it a lot and you automatically imprinted on it”. I think we owned it on fucking cassette tape? So yeah, his music is intrinsically tied to my childhood.

Rest in peace, Mr. Loaf.

2 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

#2

I am so very bad at actually doing these things, but I was tagged by the lovely and talented @gavotteangel, so I finally got off my butt and went to town.

Fanfic Writer 20 Questions!

1. how many works do you have on ao3? A measly 31. But in my defense, I’m ancient, so I have posted at least twice as many on LiveJournal back in the day.

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 162,236  

3. how many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Six are represented on AO3, including a mix of various RPF fandoms, Hannibal, Law and Order: SVU, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and recently Loki. But back in my teenage years I wrote fic in the Lord of the Rings fandom, Harry Potter, and as I got older even more diverse RPF, mostly centered around US political media and, uh... Top Gear. Look, I have a past, okay, leave me alone.

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

Assemble, a lighthearted, non-graphic-but-still-very-shippy Marvel RPF

As Loud as the Hell You Want, smutty Will Graham/Frederick Chilton

The Ties That Bind, a Barisi soulmate AU

Arrest Me - another Barisi fic, this one smutty

Young Police Cadet Bottoms for Busty Blonde - a Carisi/Amaro (and Carisi/OFC) porn fic where I’m actually super proud of the title. it really sets the tone 😂

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not? Almost always. If you took the time to comment, I will take the time to say thank you. Especially when I get the really juicy comments, like those that quote favourite lines and stuff. I love those comments, they’re so helpful!

6. what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I’m really bad at following through on angst, I wrap that shit up with a vaguely happy ending. That said, Control You is pretty bad. It’s also locked, because I lock RPF religiously. kill them; kill them with fire is technically still a WIP, so it doesn’t count, although it’s some of the angstiest fic I’ve written.

7. do you write crossovers? Not so much these days, but I used to

8. have you ever received hate on a fic? Oh yes, before the US Pundit fandom hid all the RPF away in secret, thoroughly locked LJ communities, there were some pretty ugly instances of hate going around.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? Ahahaha, yes, I do. 23 of those 31 fics are rated E. And it was the same back on LJ.

10. have you ever had a fic stolen? Not as far as I know.

11. have you ever had a fic translated? I’ve received requests for a couple of fics to be translated into Russian. I gave my permission, but I have no idea if they followed through with it.

12. have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes. Way back when I was 18 I had a 42 year old BFF from California who shared my brand of absurd humour and we co-wrote a sprawling 20K+ Pundit RPF comedy zombie AU, where we took turns writing the chapters as we went along, playing off what the other person had written in the previous chapter. I was a great experience, like the fic equivalent of improv comedy groups. An entire story based on ‘yes, and...’ as a concept.

13. what’s your all-time favorite ship? I can’t possibly answer that question, I’m a bit of a whore in this respect. I mix and match. Although judging from my AO3 account it’s Chilly/Willy and Barisi, and it’s true that I love those ships.

14. what’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? kill them; kill them with fire probably. It’s a ASOUE Zombie AU with stand-alone chapters focusing on different characters in different locations, but in a vaguely chronological order. Can you tell that I adore zombie AUs? Anyway, I was very proud of this one, because this particular zombie apocalypse is totally “realistic” in-universe. It takes an existing killer-fungus danger and replaces ‘certain death’ being the result of infection with ‘zombies’ being the result. So yes, it’s The Last of Us-style “zombies”. I actually stole the terminology from there as well, because I couldn’t be bothered with creating too much lore. I never care about the actual zombie horror anyway, I care about the human reaction to a deadly crisis. 

15. what are your writing strengths? A writer I admired very much in ye olden days once told me that I was good at blending genres and moods organically, in those day it was combinations of action, humour, and smut. She then asked me, me, for advice on a fic. I still think about that every single time I feel down.

16. what are your writing weaknesses? Definitely a tendency for overly detailed, flowery, self-indulgently elaborate prose. I spent years forcing myself to use a plain ‘said’ more often, because God knows I struggled with the concept from the beginning. And commas. So many commas. I often joke that Ernest Hemingway would fucking deck me if he was alive and reading my stuff. Oscar Wilde would you rather discuss writing with? Case closed.

17. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? I think it’s fine in controlled doses, especially if you consult native speakers to confirm that google translate isn’t about to make you look really silly to native speakers of the language in question.

18. what was the first fandom you ever wrote for? Lord of the Rings, I think? At least in English. I was 14 when the first film came out, so it was around then. It was really bad. English is my second language, and my grammar... left something to be desired. Okay, technically I wrote fic for The Hobbit first, because our teacher was pretty cool when it came to assigning various writing challenges, and in this case he made us all write fanfic that should be a twist on the pretty anticlimactic (according to him) ending of the book. I proceeded to literally kill off half the dwarves in a gruesome Smaug-fight. Very indiscriminately, I might add. Completely random. Just piling up dead, scorched dwarves for shits and giggles.

19. what’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written? Okay, bear with me here, but I’m just really proud of Young Police Cadet Bottoms for Busty Blonde. Probably the smuttiest smut I’ve ever written. I enjoyed every second of the writing process, I had a wonderful time, and it lives up to its title in terms of balls to the wall PWP insanity.  A Guide to Recognizing Your Ghosts and Unfortunate Living Arrangements are also up there, because I’m still a Chilton fangirl at heart.

20. who do you tag? all of my old ASOUE peeps! @beatricebidelaire, @virginian-wolfsnake, @kitsnicket etc. etc. You know who you are.

6 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Nine months clean and sober. The party I’m dolled up for is for my dad’s though, he turns 60 today.

48 notes - Posted March 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[spamlets-blog]

sooo long story but

tw grooming

(story below the cut)

i’ll preface this with saying that i was 12-13 at the time of it happening

so basically i was in a discord server, and the adults were WAYYY too comfortable sharing sexual content with minors. and they were really overprotective of it too—when then callout post eventually dropped they got really, genuinely upset that they weren’t able to talk about sexual content in the same channels that had kids.

anyways, i was a regular in the server and fairly close with the server owner. he was 23? 24? potentially 26? i think at the time, and just. yeah, he and his group were simply way too comfortable sharing sexual content explicitly to minors, to the point that any outsider would definitely be able to look in and be like: “hey! what the fuck! why are you sharing that with a 13 year old?”

over time they encouraged me to share many personal details about myself!! which is very bad!!!

on one hand i technically got some very comprehensive sex ed, but on the other hand i got WAY too comfortable sharing sexual information with adults (thus the grooming part, as well as my emotional attachment to the adults in the server that came with it).

and thats the story of how i got groomed on discord

some may argue that it technically may not have been grooming (though i think if you had seen it directly you would think that it was) and may say something like, “maybe they were just some well intentioned adults!” but either way they were wildly irresponsible and also actively giving a dangerous impression to me and the other minors on the server that it was appropriate and okay to share information about our sexual activities to adults on the internet. it took a while to realize that their behavior was completely inappropriate (and potentially illegal), especially to a 12-13 year old.

i thought i was SO COOL for being in an “adult server” talking about “adult topics” and that’s how they got me! that’s how i ended up in that trap! so if anyone ever says “you’re so mature for your age” online you should block them and run the hell away

personally it wasn’t really… traumatic in any sense, it just kind of made me go “i need to be more careful on the internet and maybe not trust adults as much as i used to”. i dont really need any sort of hugs or consolation over it because i kind of don’t really care haha, i hope all the adults in that server get fucked (metaphorically) but besides that i dont really have any lasting bad memories (besides. i mean. the obvious)

anyways, more on the callout post:

it dropped in like. the middle of the day, without any warning. everyone started freaking out, including me, and we all got very paranoid and very defensive. the owner was like “how dare they target a person with a small platform using their much larger one!!” and things like that? and also as i said earlier, all of the adults in the “inner circle” of the server (aka friends with the owner) got incredibly angry about being exposed for talking to kids in a wildly inappropriate manner.

afterwards, they separated the channels into nsfw (adult only) and not nsfw (open for anyone), but they were genuinely so mopey about it. they were genuinely distressed about it. i literally think about this all the time like even ignoring some of the other things there is no reason for any sane adult to be sad that they don’t get to talk about their sexcapades to kids anymore, like what the hell thats insane actually

im fairly sure i was the main focus, since i was the youngest of the minors on the server at the time

one of the things i do think was wildly irresponsible about the callout post though was definitely the fact that one of the victims (i was one of like. 3? 4? maybe 5) had her face as a profile picture, and the burner didnt even bother to censor it. i remember her freaking out in my dms because of it, and to this day i do still think it’s crazy that they did a callout post on someone putting children in danger, and then did something that. well. put a child in danger.

they also shared screenshots that contained a lot of my and other victims personal information in their callout doc, once again something that was endangering and unnecessary.

i think calling out dangerous people in the community was extremely necessary, however they should have put more effort into protecting the victims as well, and if we asked them to take some things down they should have listened (i specifically very much remember the girl asking them to hide her face in the screenshots after the post went out and they said she was “defending the groomer” for asking such a thing (despite being a victim of him herself??)

that was certainly a situation!! and i dont really think back on it much beyond “huh, that happened”

[arthurreblogs]

An interesting read - there’s definitely some things I’d disagree with or add nuance to if discussing this with another anglophone but it seems close enough to be a decent guide for those in Japan at least. Shame that the people who spoke with them about it seem to have painted a strawman for them, but it sounds like they had a rough fucking time and I hope that’s stopped for them at least.

I do oppose the idea that “proship DNI” is a flag that someone “is an anti” - both proship and “anti” (in this context) have complicated usage that I wouldn’t expect someone in a different shipping culture to have to figure out mind - there’s plenty of people who find the sorts of ships/shippers that typically reside in “proship” territory exclusively to be personally upsetting for their own reasons, and would just rather avoid the community at large as a result. I know that’s where I fall into this - I’m not exactly a stranger to other people labelling me as an anti and projecting a lot of presumed characteristics as a result. Typically though, the kind of person you really have to worry about is the type that actively labels themselves an “anti” of anything - when you make something you oppose into an identity you tend to be the type that treats it like a hobby, rather than a necessary evil of navigating your own comfort and safety online.

It’s a shame that it’s not understood in the same way as personal responsibility for avoiding content you don’t like is in this article - there’s a minor difference in that it’s a boundary rather than a warning, but it’s not so much a signal to “other antis” to get a pass as it is a genuine request for people who call themselves “proship” to respect that we don’t want to interact with them. 

Ironically for all those ranting about “antis” and how controlling they are in the notes, I’ve had “Feelings Yakuza” experiences of my own from self-assigned proshippers who take my DNIs as an invitation to harass me to change my mind - e.g. to presume things about where I draw the line and harass me for that; to write lengthy messages about the ships I’m clearly not comfortable with as if to make me go ‘ah that isn’t bad actually’; and to compare ships that I happen to like to those wherein an adult is shipped with a child. With no regard for any reasons aside from “puritanical” posturing that I might be uncomfortable with such a thing (like, say, they remind me of personal experiences that are distressing to think about; or they’re the sort of thing most people would find upsetting as a baseline lol). Or you know. Straight up ‘kys’ style messages. There have been plenty of the same messages I see proshippers claim antis love to send in my inbox - because, of course, there’s no “side” of this nonsense that is exempt from harassing other people. 

It’s fully understandable that this article’s writer doesn’t know that - and they are completely right about A’s actions being unacceptable harassment and that expecting non-english speakers to grasp the nuances of what is already a really complicated fandom dynamic for english speakers to grasp is racist and xenophobic to all hell.

Unfortunately... from the edit at the end, I can feel “staunch proship” fingerprints all over this person’s impression of what “not being proship” means - it seems they have been fed exclusively strawmen of the type of people who avoid proship types. It’s also there in what they were told about how this “came about” - certainly the labels are very new, but the idea that opposition has only recently sprung up from “sensitive teenagers” is, to put it bluntly, a complete lie that someone’s fed to this person. Presumably to delegitimise the concern - because if too many adults were examining this and finding issue, over an extended period, then it’d be harder to wave it away as immaturity or with derogatory labels like “puriteen” (as if it is strange or pathetic for a teenager to be squicked out or concerned when witnessing an adult ship a person their age with said adults age). Having been a distinctly “unsensitive” teenager and knowing the close calls I had as a result, it’s horrifying how often concerns of minors are dismissed simply because of their age. And how often acknowledging that has people come out of the woodwork to ask- no, usually tell you that if you consider the impact that fiction can and does have on people (affecting people being the point of fiction - if you disagree you must be very bored and emotionally disconnected from your fandoms i suppose) then you must in turn support harassment, misinformation, and all these myriad  exaggerated “wrongs”. And so on to being harassed by the “proship but anti harassment” crowd. 

It strikes me as rather opportunistic how people have jumped on this article to waffle about those same strawmen or claim this gives them legitimacy when the whole point of the article is that shippers from other cultures don’t and shouldn't be expected to have the first clue of what these dynamics are actually like! Their difficulty understanding the term ‘proship’ is just as applicable to the narrow view they’ve been fed about wider opposition to it - whether from self-appointed “antis”, people trying to avoid shit they don’t like who proshippers call antis, etc etc, or people who also don’t understand the term ‘proship’ but make the mistake of going “wait, aren’t they 14 and 28? That’s a bit weird” in the wrong spaces. Not sure what I expected though, lol. 

TL;DR Anglophones acting like this person’s observations/understanding of one “side”’s extremes isn’t applicable to the other (a “side” it seems they had minimal contact or input for) probably needs to take a hot-steaming minute to climb down off their high horse.

I have never read a more excellent article

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Do you think Misha is really straight? Because that would mean Cockles wasn't real all along.

i've been kinda-sorta avoiding answering the asks i have along these lines, partly because i have real life stuff going on, partly because i'm obsessed with ofmd, and partly because i haven't really wanted to get into my feelings about it, because i'm still a little upset.

but look. not to overhype my credentials, but as one of the leading cockles experts out there... misha is not a straight man. i don't like calling him a liar, but he's not a straight man. i know too much about him, i've watched him do and say too many queer things for it to be even a possibility in my mind.

look, this is what happened. misha came out as bi. without prompting, he named himself as bisexual. if you watch the video, there is simply no way for it to have been a misunderstanding or for him to have misspoken. he came out.

that was on a friday, and he didn't post the "i'm straight" tweets until monday, after a full weekend of interacting with con-goers who treated him as having come out, and he never corrected them. some people claim that he was upset about the attention his coming out was getting, but i've heard of no accounts of him telling anyone "there's been a misunderstanding", only that he was potentially distressed about the media attention.

before misha's tweets, stands, the company that sells spn merch and is, i think, owned by misha (or at least closely tied to him?), sent out an email pushing bi spn merch with a reference to misha's coming out. stands posted a tweet about supporting "a queer man". that tweet was soon deleted. later that same day, misha's "i'm straight" tweets were posted, after more media outlets started reporting it.

i don't know what happened exactly, but i suspect that misha has a lot more trauma than any of us know about. we know that he was homeless for years as a child, we know he was bullied, we know he self harmed as a kid, we know he had a really difficult family situation and he moved around constantly, changed schools constantly, had a hard time making friends, was fat as a child and bullied for it.

it's pretty easy to observe that misha developed his characteristic bombastic overconfidence (calling himself "the overlord", etc) as a way to compensate for his actual insecurity, that he insulated himself from his pain and loneliness by intentionally standing out as "weird" by choice instead of by force. when we get glimpses of misha's underlying pain and vulnerability, it becomes pretty easy to see just how much of his personality has been deliberately constructed as means of self-protection.

and my point in saying that, is that despite all the confidence he projects, i think misha is genuinely terrified of coming out and being publicly known as queer. i don't know if this is due to general cultural homophobia or if he has personal trauma at the hands of homophobia, but when you examine all the pieces of his life i don't think it's difficult to imagine that he has at some point been traumatized by homophobia and it's left a lasting mark. he's very quick to stand up for other queer people, but he seemed damn near fucking terrified to call himself bisexual, even in a room full of his fans, a large number of whom had just identified as bisexual too. he's made "weird" his brand, has never hesitated to do bonkers off-the-wall shit, but it took him until the age of 47 to develop the nerve to come out.

i don't know if the backpedaling was due to personal trauma or professional worry, but i think he started panicking and dove back into the closet. personally, i feel like he should have foreseen it being picked up by the media, considering that he is famous, but i can't be angry or disappointed in him for going back into the closet. whatever the cause, i'm sure that it's a valid one.

mostly, it just... makes me really sad. like i said, i've seen enough over the past nine years i've been a cockles scholar that i know he isn't straight. and i just find it fucking heartbreaking that this man carries so much pain and fear in his heart that even after he worked up the courage to say it out loud, it still has such a powerful hold on him that he felt the need to lie about who he is.

it's just... fuck, it's just an utterly miserable thing to have to witness. you could see both the joy and the terror in him when he came out, and i was so happy for him and so proud of him. i'm not not proud of him now, but it just makes me so profoundly sad.

i haven't been able to laugh at any of the jokes and memes about it, because i care about him as a person and i genuinely think he carries a lot of unresolved trauma here. now he's the butt of a thousand jokes, and if he ever does choose to come out again it's going to be so much harder and messier for him. he has such a kind heart, so he probably feels like he's let his queer fans down, he probably feels terrible about lying, he probably has no idea what to do now.

i just feel really awful for him and i wish he could the have peace and freedom he deserves.