#what is he? monkey? man? muppet? muppet of a man?

[fluffypotatey]

what if…..s5 tournament arc 👀

[stoppostingforeverandever]

WHERY ^^^ HOW DO YOU NEVER GOD DAMN MISSS???? IT SEEMS STATISTICALLY UNLIKELY YET SOMEHOW IT’S TRUE!?!?!?!!!!

Hhehehehe i also reallly like this guy ^^^

Water is Thicker Than Blood Chapter 35

Sorry, Mags, you will find little to no solace in Ace. He will gaslight you.

{Start} {Prev Next (coming soon)}

Sorry if this looks a little rushed or anything, in the middle of coloring it I got a massive burn on my drawing hand so i was in fact rushing.

this is one of my fav chapters so far, I think yall will really like it :) you guys really like the ace/luffy shenanigans :D

[wildcardsources]

Guess What Cartoon Character Julia Is Drawing, I Dare You pt. 2

Taken from Drawfee's episode of the same name !! Pronouns, punctuation, and wording can be changed as needed. Part one can be found here !!

TW: emetophobia / v*mit mention, death mention

" This is nothing! " " I feel like I'm getting a headache... " " Wait, I can fix this, I can fix this. " " How is that fixing it?! " " He's getting angrier. " " _____, you didn't change anything!! _____, it's the same!! " " Do you realize that?! " " I can't look at this muppet guy! I can't look at him! " " Okay, I'll give some clues. " " Is this...a friend? " " You must know, the room is in shambles. " " Riots are breaking out in the streets. " " I'm gonna vomit. You're gonna make me vomit. " " Are you the father? " " Y'all remember that cartoon where everyone has the same face and they just stare directly at you? " " NO, IT'S NOT!! IT'S NOT!! NO!! " " It can't be him! " " It's okay, Dad. " " IT'S NOT OKAY, DAD!! " " Why is ____ like... dilf-y? " " Put that away, I'm gonna get the spray bottle. " " It's not, though. It really isn't. " " You can't tell me that's not _____! " " I can and I will. " " It's within my legal rights! " " You need to know that it's not, you have to know. " " You couldn't be further. " " Are we done? " " I can do some more. " " I don't see why we would do anymore. " " I could stand more. " " I could stand more but also, I'm the only one who didn't physically recoil yet. " " ______ isn't here anymore. Not the same _____ we knew before, at least. " " What is that?! What are those?! " " Why does he have the proportions of a newborn monkey? " " Are you scared? " " Alright, do a couple more, give us some cool-downs. " " I'm legitimately sweating. " " We can't leave people with this energy, it's gonna ruin their day. " " We need to do the full Hero's Journey. Rising action, falling action, etcetera. " " This is my favorite bumper sticker character, Piss Mouse. " " You're so skilled, and yet... " " That's all the pigs I knew... " " It's good, it's endearing. " " I'm just never gonna be able to get _____ out of my mind. " " _______ is kind of shaped like a hair dryer. " " I'm gonna be honest- " " I'm gonna be honest, I don't know if I could draw ______ from memory. " " We all have such unique strengths that the others don't. " " American cartoons are weird... " " That means nothing. " " Just ____ but smaller. " " Just why? " " When did this become your default? " " He looks very kind. " " He's a small, jealous man. " " He's a weak, pathetic little man. " " If something needs to be physically assembled, I can remember what it looks like. " " Okay, let's get one more. " " Bring 'em home! " " Finish us out strong. " " Then we're all going to sleep. " " I close my eyes and I see _______. " " You got it. " " It's the most exhausting thing we do. " " So help me, god- " " ______, I'm getting the spray bottle... " " We look at her at least five times a day. " " Make them kiss! " " How come _____ looks so young? " " ______'s been taking care of himself, but it didn't make him as happy as he thought it would. " " Sweaty, it's called a mid-life crisis. " " You have a beautiful family. " " I don't like when they all start to scream at me. " " You went a little crazy but we'll accept it. " " Why is she here?! " " It's really nice that you take the time to do this for us. " " This is what you see when you die. " " The most true thing of all is that we're sorry. " " Sorry! "

[mywifeleftme]

221: Traveling Wilburys // Vol. 1

Vol. 1 Traveling Wilburys 1988. Wilbury

To a certain type of rock purist In the late ‘70s and ‘80s, Jeff Lynne was basically the Antichrist, a Muppet Paul McCartney who did Macca one worse by not only making his own gormless megapop spoo but also producing records for his legendary friends and making them suck too. He’s been mostly forgiven by now I think, and I certainly can’t find that level of umbrage in myself. The best of Lynne’s singles with the Move and Electric Light Orchestra are as good as power pop gets, and if the albums around those singles are mostly grating trash, let’s dwell on the singles. It would’ve been cool if commercial wilderness years George Harrison had put out a folky, acoustic record that delved more deeply into his psyche, but he teamed up with Lynne instead and we got “Got My Mind Set on You”; it would’ve been intriguing if somebody had taken Roy Orbison back to Sun Studios, or even Tom Petty for that matter, but we ended up with “Anything You Want” and “Free Fallin’” and “The Comedians” and “Runnin’ Down a Dream” and that’s fine! Great even.

All that’s preamble to talking about the Traveling Wilburys, a not-terribly-serious gathering of four of the more significant artists of the rock era and Jeff Lynne, the latter of whom emerges as the dominant creative force by producing these affably tossed-off tunes like it’s an ELO reunion. Some people were Very Mad that the prospect of, like, Bob Dylan writing for Orbison or Petty for Harrison ended up sounding like a jukebox the size of an Imperial-class Star Destroyer entering near-Earth orbit. Personally though, I pretty much wore out this cassette driving around with my mom when I was a kid, and I’ve got real love for just about all of these songs. These personalities were too big for anything approaching a Serious Artistic Statement to get off the ground anyway, and I’d argue that a Basement Types-like presentation would only reveal how threadbare some of the material is. Instead, we get Lynne’s fantasia of the ‘50s rock Orbison helped invent and the others grew up on, the common thread that allowed him to get the signoff from a group of very opinionated Dudes.

Take “Margarita,” a slip of a thing composed of a lazy Dylan verse, some of Lynne’s Sha Na Na doggerel, and a couplet from Petty (“She wrote a long letter / On a short piece of paper”; one of my favourite lyrics actually) that can’t even keep to a consistent grammatical person. Lynne’s production turns it into a spangled fantasia, replete with burbling synth pop intro, Spectoresque armies of backing vox, braying sax, multimillion-dollar acoustic guitars, and a shuffle beat. Even on the songs Lynne trifles with less, like Dylan’s hysterical crime novel in verse “Tweeter and the Monkey Man,” he wants every part to lunge at the listener: has anybody ever gotten a tougher sound on an acoustic slide guitar than the little lick that serves as the song’s chorus?

Many albums would be greatly impoverished by having Jeff Lynne behind the boards, but not this one. Even when all five Wilburys were alive, they had the vibe of one of those “The Best Band in Heaven” memes people share whenever an icon croaks. And on “Handle Me with Care,” “The End of the Line,” “Not Alone Anymore,” and most everything else here, that’s exactly what they sound like.

221/365

[knowlesian]

I posted 5,713 times in 2022

That's 5,402 more posts than 2021!

745 posts created (13%)

4,968 posts reblogged (87%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@knowlesian

@chuplayswithfire

@spinecorset

@pearwaldorf

@the-stray-liger

I tagged 2,046 of my posts in 2022

#our flag means death - 217 posts

#my ofmd meta - 112 posts

#ofmd spoilers - 99 posts

#the silly/genius intersectional muppet extravaganza - 39 posts

#yellowjackets - 24 posts

#blackbonnet - 16 posts

#the good place - 13 posts

#izzy hands - 11 posts

#oluwande boodhari - 8 posts

#abbott elementary - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#my whole life i’ve always been vaguely confused when i’m like ‘the behavior was shitty’ and people go what you have to understand about the

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

call me crazy but i just think a megacorp buying up and owning all the media and then slowly smashing it together until it’s one giant franchise without end is Bad, Actually

5,010 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

#4

stede bonnet is the elle woods of piracy i will die on this hill

8,428 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

#3

honestly i am lowkey obsessed with how terrible we didn’t start the fire is at being a song while also being among the the catchiest songs ever 

this is a song that includes a man screaming CHILDREN OF THALIDOMIDE and then the next lyric is buddy holly, ben hur / space monkey, mafia

it is just one man, listing historical events more or less in order with no context or end and then layering in a chorus so catchy you will BEG YOUR BRAIN to stop thinking about it

i just appreciate that level of aimless, technically skilled chaos for some reason

eta i know why he wrote it oh god please stop telling me, just because billy joel lived through these events doesn’t make them not historical events and i like the song you don’t have to defend it to me, billy joel even agrees, CHILL

31,215 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

#2

not to be an old cranky leftist but going forward i think those of us who live in the us need to remember a protest is not a group powerwalk to register polite disapproval with those in power

a protest is an implied threat. a protest says there are a lot of us, and we do not like what you’re doing. we are giving you a chance to course correct before we take things to the next level.

if there’s no shared commitment to the potential of moving to that next level: a protest is useless and essentially just public performance art.

43,490 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

“why do i believe this” and “who benefits from me believing it” are the first steps to decolonization and we should all be doing this more

63,081 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[hollowsart]

Do the other villains know about Ferrol and there symboite babies?

Hmm.. I think so.

But I don't think they'd really know what they are, where they come from, or the fact Ferrol is fused with their host @muppet-skunk as their personalities are very different.

Adrian, working with Otto who is housing Sai and Ferrol and studying the symbiote, would be the most informed about the little alien creature.... and its 2 spawns, Maim and Matcha.

Adrian was definitely curious and a little fascinated, observing the symbiote and its host and further the spawn, Matcha which has stayed within Otto's lab and home for further studies and very safe experiments. He comes by occasionally to check on things and hear about any new findings and results.

Luckily he hasn't had any encounters/fights against Ferrol, he's proven himself a good man despite being the leader and founding member of the Sinister Six.

The others, like Rhino, Sandlady, Mysterio... They wouldn't really know much outside of their few interactions/encounters with Ferrol/Sai when Otto and I are too preoccupied to take care of them ourselves.

Mysterio would be confused by my absence and be thankful and relieved when I'm back Lol Ferrol gave him such a hard time. Had to mend his clothes and everything after those few nightmare encounters with the monkey-esque symbiote.

Sandlady would find Ferrol amusing, just a funny little monkey thing, tying herself into sandy knots trying to chase them around. Rhino is unbothered, wishes not to crush something so small, she would feel bad. However, she is impressed by the durability of the little creature, being able to hold their own against her unruly strength.

Shocker was, well, shocked when he first used his shock gauntlets to attack Ferrol, seeing for a moment the host inside as the symbiote itself was displeased by the vibrations and sound. He's had to sit out of crime work for awhile while he repairs the gauntlets after his first encounter. Ferrol didn't like the shock gauntlets. He doesn't quite know what exactly to think.

As for the others.. well, it's hard to say, but it would be bad if Kingpin or Norman learned of the existence of the symbiote and what marvels and feats it can do.... Then again. Maim and its host would probably happily work for Kingpin if it meant getting revenge on Sai and more for having fired them from their last job (well deserved tho tbh for malpractice.)

[dachshund-games]

okie what are some song recs you have for us? List as many as you want (pls explain why they are so amazing too!!!)

Oh babe you have unlocked something you probably shouldn't have buckle the fuck up

Pictures in my head from the Muppet movie- Out of all the songs on here this is probably the one I relate to the most. My insecurities tend to target my relationships with my friends, so when I feel really bad about maybe ending a friendship I listen to this (Also the amount of times I've imagined animatics to this song is unhealthy)

A Pearl by Mitski- I want to scream this song from the top of a mountain that is all

Dead man's party by Oingo Boingo- Honestly this song is just a bop

Passing Through by Kaden MacKay- Sometimes it's easy for me to feel like I'm just watching my life as a movie and not living it the way I should. I also go through phases where nothing feels real and I feel really disconnected from my body and this song helps me rationalize that feeling and help me overcome it

Best Friend by Rex Orange County- I can apply the lyrics of this song to events of my life and every time I listen to it I either jam out in my room for hours or lay on the floor and cry. There is no in-between

Talia from Ride the Cyclone- This song is so lovely. I've never seen the musical, but in this song he's talking about how much he loves his online girlfriend. He's also Ukrainian and some of the lyrics are in Ukrainian! It also goes from a soft love song to disco to soft love song

The Uranium Suite from Ride the Cyclone- The ending of this song is one you belt while standing on a cliff. The lyrics are good and sets up the show well. 10/10

Adventure is out there by AJR- Prefacing this by saying that AJR holds a special place in my heart. My best friend introduced me to their music and they were also the first concert I ever went to. This song speaks to me in a way I can't describe and it's just fun to listen to

Navy Skies by Egg- This song makes me feel capable of loving someone. The soft music and sweet lyrics combine to make a song that makes my insides feel like maple syrup

Time Alive by KC Katalbas- This makes me feel like I'm driving along a road beside a beach with my hair blowing in the wind. I've cried to it several times

Death of a bachelor by Panic! At the disco- This is so good and it was also my top song of 2021 :/

Lotta true crime by Penelope Scott- My bestie and I both went through a true crime phase at the same time and she introduced me to this song. I'm still a true crime fan but I'm not as fanatic about it as I used to me, but this song reminds me of her

Karma by AJR- The ending of this song makes me cry because I can relate to it and holy shit it hits me right in the insecurities

Lay all your love on me from Mamma Mia!- THIS SONG IS A FUCKING BANGER AND IF YOU DISAGREE I WILL BECOME A VERY VIOLENT INDIVIDUAL!!!!!!!

505 by Arctic Monkeys- Sometimes I just sit on my bed and listen to this song and when I do that is the only time I feel like a whole human being, not just a consciousness in a body

Introduction to the snow by Miracle Musical- This is one of the saddest yet most beautiful songs I have ever listened to. It makes me feel emotions I didn't know I had and has gotten me through some pretty rough times. Just.... *cries*

Lavender by Penelope Scott- The only way I can describe this song is "Spinning downwards very fast" and honestly it slaps

The campfire song from The lightning thief musical- This song helped me get through the worst chapter of my life because I could relate to it so much. I can also sing it from memory

[naamahdarling]

What is your favorite feature of each of your cats?

It's so hard.

Etrigan has a nose that looks enormous in pics but I think my fave feature is his big, luminous eyes.

Fancy's eyes. She has the eyes of a dragon. I love her nub but it feels unfair to say my favorite thing is something that is only there because she got hurt as a baby. Not that any of it bothers her now.

Raleigh's handsome face, where he wears every thought and emotion without filter.

Harley's whiskers, so long, and they tickle as she kisses my eyebrows!

Sid's weird little monkey feet. He's so handsy, he grabs for things, he reminds me of a raccoon.

Smooch's funny little mouth with his Tusk of Benediction. He's my stinky little man, my handsome prince, my dear little muppet.

I love them all very much.

[introvertguide]

The Horrific History of Peter Jackson Movies

I think that most people mostly associate Peter Jackson with films like King Kong, The Hobbit trilogy, and the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Many Peter Jackson fans, however, might not be as familiar with the films that he directed in the 90s. Jackson was actually known for trashy splatter horror films a decade before he directed The Fellowship of the Ring. Let’s take a quick review of some highlights of Peter Jackson’s career before he was hired to create the stories of Middle Earth:

Bad Taste (1987): This is a classic “aliens take over a small town and use humans for food” genre movie. You know. The best genre. Most of the actors played both humans and aliens, including the director himself. Full disclosure, this is the only Peter Jackson film that I didn’t get all the way through because it is boring and the effects are pathetic. This was the first feature length film directing venture for Peter Jackson and he had a budget of a whopping $25,000. This film was produced, written, acted, directed, filmed, and edited by Peter Jackson, so you know it is his passion project. Here is the official trailer and the full film so you can see for yourself why I couldn’t get through it. Maybe you will love it:

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JqYFgiT5qA

Full Film: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAxAmTNvINA

Meet the Feebles (1989): This is a dirty version of The Muppets. It is based around a variety show in a world that is completely inhabited by animal puppets. Unlike the Muppets, the characters suffer from things like depression and drug addiction. There is even disemboweling murder, horrific drug trips, and puppet sex including rape. Wow. I made it through this whole film and it is awful. It is truly the stuff of nightmares. Here is the trailer as well as the full film so you can decide for yourself if it is something enjoyable:

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FON5KnEKReA

Full Film: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEjtwFG_Ap0

Dead Alive (1992): This film is also known as Brain Dead and is somewhat well known as a cult classic. A woman is bitten by a mutated Sumatran rat-monkey at a pet shop and becomes a horrific zombie. The change is body horror along the lines of David Cronenberg movies like The Fly. There is a point where it just gets ridiculous and a man walks through a room of zombies with an overturned lawn mower. The movie is actually pretty funny but it is also very disgusting. You should check it out if you are into splatter films but your appetite will be ruined for days. A 3 million dollar budget compared to the 250 thousand dollar return makes this the biggest flop that Peter Jackson ever directed. Here is the trailer and the full film. By the way, the trailer for this film is the most spoiler free trailer I have ever seen (the description is nothing like the actual film):

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8LIug1cP04

Full Film: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cgz6HKEGkI

The Frighteners (1996): This movie is a fantastic blend of action and horror with quite a bit of comedy. It is the story of a man who can talk with ghosts and is plagued by a reaper ghost that is killing both the living and the dead. The film stars Michael J Fox, Jeffrey Combs, Chi McBride, Dee Wallace, Jake Busey, and R. Lee Ermey, giving Jackson a cast of experienced actors to work with for the first time. The blend of action and effects along with comedy and smart dialogue hints at what Peter Jackson could do and earned him a shot at big budget movies. Here is the trailer for this film but the movie is not available for free (sorry, it was an American studio release so no YouTube version):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKWiQLwr9Xs

Peter Jackson was part of a horror comedy movement with mostly practical effects that was pretty much started with the success of The Evil Dead back in 1981. Despite the rather low quality of many of these films, it did lead to the development of Weta Studios and New Zealand as a great filming location. Some very good horror comedy from New Zealand, if you are looking for examples, would be Black Sheep or Housebound. A more recent example was What We Do in the Shadows by Taika Waititi (director or Thor: Ragnorok and Jo Jo Rabbit). These are very interesting roots for Peter Jackson, currently one of Hollywood’s most well known directors. 

[keith-the-hoe]

The Glimmer Hoes Master Plan| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: [X]

Episode Two: [X]

Episode Three: [X]

Episode Four: I'm Flyin'

Episode Five: [X]

Warnings:

This may contain weird questionable subjects, no no words and sex scenes. It may cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and fall into a state of confusion. Do not read if you are under the age of 16. Read at your own risk.

Cast:

Keith Richards

Ronnie Wood

Bill Wyman

Charlie Watts

Rod Stewart

-------------------

It was around midnight when the huge slaughtering went down around the small motel in CaliFOnia. The Rolling Stones were on the search for a hospital since Ronnie is a dumbass and got attacked by a Mick robot. Keith has been on his side the entire trip. He was quite upset about everything that happened since they went on vaca. His whore side hoe got killed, his Cyborg Mick didn't work out well, and now his best friend is now slowly dying.

"Don't worry buddy, you will be fine, I swear," Keith said calmly.

Ronnie didn't seem to be having a problem with anything. He was just there looking at Keef, smiling.

"Well.... this has been a helluva ride! You Rolling Stones whores are something!" He added.

Bill just rolled his eyes and looked out the window. Charlie was still trying to figure out why he's in a band full of dumbasses. Keith looked away for a second and later realized that Ronnie wasn't there anymore. He panicked.

"G-guys!! Ron disappeared!" Keith yelled. Bill and Charlie looked back at him. They were confused. Charlie sighed in relief. No more dumbasses.

"Where in bloody hell did he go, you monkey!?" Bill yelled. Keith searched the whole van and did not find him anywhere. Charlie looked out the windshield and spotted Ronnie on top of a roof of a strip club.

"Bill! BILL!" He pulled on his hair to get his attention. "That big nose whore is on top of that roof!" He said as he pointed up at him. Keith pressed his monkey face on the glass and spotted him.

"RON! How in the actual fuck did ya get up there!?" Keith asked as the van pulled up to the parking lot of the strip club. He kicked the door open and ran up to the building.

"Oh hiya there Keith! Beautiful view up here! I can see every single building from here!" Ronnie said with a chuckle. Keith extended his arms in case he decides to jump off.

"Ron! Get down from there! You're going to fall!" Keith said sounding very worried. Ronnie just laughed.

"Nah! Mate! I won't fall! I've done this many times with my mate, Rod!" He said. Keith was utterly confused. Bill and Charlie walked up to Keith to tell him that they should get going. Keith refused to leave Ronnie behind so he climbed onto the roof. He then realized that he is afraid of heights. He slowly walked up to Ronnie.

"Alright mate, just walk over to me and lets get down safely, okay?" He said calmly. Ronnie just smiled widely at him. He did a T-pose and fell forwards. Keith panicked and ran to the edge of the building. He didn't see him anywhere.

"Charlie! Where did he go!?" He said in a very shaky voice. Charlie pointed up to the sky. "You dumbass! Why would you even consider that huh!?" He yelled. Charlie shook his head in disappointment.

"You Muppet! That is not wot I meant! He's up in the sky flying!" Charlie yelled in response. Keith looked up to the sky. There he was, flying around like a chicken. He was so confused. He the heard music coming from a building that was across from the strip club. A blonde big nose whore was standing on there singing some song that said something among the lines of "I'm flying."

"Wot the fuck?....." Keith said to himself. Bill and Charlie seemed to be entertained by the music. Bill looked up at Keith, who was still on top of the roof.

"Hey matey! Get your monkey ass down from there and come look at this spectacular show!" He yelled. Keith was hella annoyed by everything. He got down from the building and headed to the van. Ronnie was preparing for landing but a pamper flew into his face and caused him to fly into the dumbass bitch, Rod. It caused a huge explosion. Bill and Charlie hugged each other in fear. They slowly looked at each other and pulled away. That was awkward. Keith was once again hella upset.

"Let's get the fuck out of here...." He said as he hopped in the van. The Rolling Stones were once again on the run. Keith could not believe that he'd just lost his two best friends. Ron was like a corn dog to him.

"Where are we headed?" Bill asked Charlie. He just sat there thinking if they could possibly go back home because he just wants to go home. The only problem was that they didn't have money to book a flight to go back to Britain. They were stuck in the states for a while. Keith reached into his underwear and pulled out a picture of his whore best friend, Mick. He seriously wished he was by his side, even if it was for just a little bit. A tear ran down his monkey face and quickly wiped it away. Bill and Charlie saw someone crossing the street.

"Jesus CHARLIE STEP ON THE BLOODY BREAKS!" Bill yelled.

Charlie did what he was told. The van did a loud skkkrt sound. Keith flew into the seat. Dumbass didn't wear his seatbelt. Charlie and Bill sat there completely startled. There stood a man who was average height with longish hair and blue eyes. Keith took a glance at him. He could not believe his eyes.

"M-Mick?" He said softly.

The figure walked closer to the van. His skin was pale and was covered in dry blood. His clothes were worn out and dirty.

"Sweet mother of-" Charlie added.

Keith quickly exited the van and ran up to him. Mick took out a blade and pointed it at Keef. He stood there in fear of him getting stabbed by his zombie friend.

"M-Mick," he began, "Its me, you're buddy. We've known each other since we were dumb fucks."

Mick slowly turned his head to look a Keef. His eye color was faded to a light blue shade. He stared at him for a while until he put away his blade. He was shocked to once again see his monkey friend after he had gotten killed by Mick Taylor.

"Its okay buddy, I ain't going to hurt ya..... Just want to be with you again...." Keith explained.

Mick stood there in silence.

"Jesus wot is this!? Some kind of weird romantic zombie movie!? Oh fuck that matey! I ain't here for that! I just want my damn band back!" Mick said.

Keith chuckled and pulled Mick in for a tight hug. Surprisingly, Mick hugged him back.

"Jesus Mick! Where the hell were you!? How did you find us!? I thought I lost you forever!" He rambled.

"Well, Monkey, after you had left me there at the dumpster, I woke up and followed the tracks from the van." Mick explained. "It was a helluva ride!"

Keith was glad that his bestie was back. He couldn't stop smiling like an idiot. Bill and Charlie just sat there in the van face palming their faces.

"Well.... We're back to square one....." Bill said to Charlie.

Charlie just wants to go home.

"I am hella glad you're alive! Heck I even tried to replace you with a cyborg version of you!" Keith said as he fixed his pants.

"You did wot now?..." He asked.

"Doesn't matter! You're here now! Meaning we can go back to being friends and being in our band!" Keith added.

Mick just smiled in response. They both hoped into the van. Bill and Charlie shook their heads in disappointment. They threw Mick in the dumpster for a reason and somehow he managed to find them. They really thought they did something. Lol. Mick and Keef kept going on about plans they had for their road trip. Mick really wanted to go to January so Keith yelled into Bill's ear to drive them to McDonald's because he really wanted some lettuce from there. All Mick wanted was eat brains but he resisted. Bill rolled his eyes and began to drive. Mick sucked Keef's penis to pass the time. Charlie shoved them out of the van because he seriously did not want to see dumb fucks sucking each other's dicks.

The Rolling Stones made it to a fairly large city that was located in Wendy's bathroom. Mick and Keef kept making out in the back of the van.

"We should totes do that....." Bill said to Charlie with a small chuckle. Charlie just sighed deeply.

"I just want to go home.... Is that too much to ask for? We've been all over the place and it's been exhausting for me." Charlie explained. Bill just sighed. He patted his shoulder and looked at him dead in the eye.

"Don't you worry about a thing, we'll go home soon." He said in a soft voice. Charlie just looked into his dark eyes. He began to feel warm. Mick chocked on Keef's dick and was trying to figure out how the fuck that happened because his monkey penis isn't the biggest here. He then saw Bill and Charlie kissing each other.

"Oh shit matey!" Mick yelled which resulted in him getting a shoe thrown at him.

Keef got lost and has no idea what just happened. The Rolling Stones stopped by a motel that has been vandalized by Led Zeppelin.

"Oh no.... those damn crusty ass bastards are here...." Charlie added. Bill spotted one of the members who was pissing in the pool. He was truly concerned about them.

"Wotever you lads do.... do not get near Led Zeppelin, those bastards do witch craft and eat goats hearts." Bill explained.

"Oh shut it you! We literally eat goats head soups!" Keef yelled. Bill was hella confused. When did they do that? They checked out rooms that had two singles. Mick and Keef are going to share beds while Bill and Charlie sleep on the other bed. This was going to be a sexy night. Sorry, Rod Stewart is holding me hostage as I write this whole fanfic. The Glimmer Hoes removed their clothes and laid in bed. Keef fell asleep pretty quick. Charlie and Bill stared at the ceiling and fell asleep. Mick didn't need sleep at all. So he went out to the porch and saw two led zeppelin members fucking each other in the pool. He's got some inspo there! There was another band staying in the motel. Mick absolutely hated them with a burning passion.

"Oh those bloody Beatles! we're constantly getting compared to one another!" Mick said angrily. He came up with a very beautiful idea. He reached in his trousers and took out his blade. "Let's Dance! Put on your red shoes and dance the Blues!" Oh Mick loves Bowie so much. He walked up to The Beatles and began to slice their head open to eat their brains. He let one go but was killed by a Led Zeppelin member. There was no point in doing that honestly. Mick went back to the room. He was still hungry and needed more brains to devour. He stood there in the doorway looking at his buddies. He slowly walked in and shut the door behind him.

[pbandjesse]

Merry Christmas or Happy Friday everyone. Its been a quiet but a nice day. I had a good time. Im laying in bed and feeling cozy. Its a good day. 

I didnt sleep great. It got really hot in here, which was hilarious only because the heat had been struggling to work all day. And then at like midnight I decided I had to wash my hair right then. I felt a lot better about my dye job after that, there was to much dye left over. And I did fall asleep after I read for a while. 

I woke up and James told me he had to run to the store to get something for his parents. Which like. I get. But also I am against going to stores on holidays so I dont know how I felt about it. I hope the people working did it by choice I guess. I was getting dressed when he was getting back. I felt very cute today. Myup was very festive, dress was great. I was in a good mood. 

James made us fancy crepes again, with berries and whipped cream. I had a nice day just being with him. We did a little consolidating of what we were bringing to his parents. I did some crochet. He played games. I took pictures of sweetP wearing a santa hat. It was great. 

We listened to the muppets christmas carol album. Just spent time together. James made himself a quesadilla and heated me up some of the chili from yesterday. And soon enough we were loading up the car and heading to his parents. 

We had masks and we stayed on the other side of the room. But it was nice. We did stockings. I had Anne and I think I did a good job. James had me and he was still upset that some of the stuff hadnt come in the mail yet. But that was okay. I liked the things I got. I want to open more things because my monkey brain likes tearing the wrapping paper. But I got lots of good candy and fun little things. We had lots of laughs and it was a nice time. 

I sort of had an upset belly though. It was hard to eat anything and I probably wasnt as fun as I sometimes am. It was fun to be there though. Hearing stories about their family, including a man nicknamed "Bear" who hunted bears, possibly up to 365 but more likely 186. And was killed by stepping on a nail. Wild. 

We were there a little longer then I wanted to be. Mostly because my belly hurt and I wanted to lay down. But we had dinner and some desert. But it was lowkey and nice. And after some zoom and phone call check ins with some of his extended family, we were off and headed home. 

It was good to be back. It was surprisingly cold out. It had snowed just a little earlier in the day for a few hours, it never stuck but it was pretty. The heat was on and it was cozy in here and that was nice. 

We got to work putting gifts away. Hugging on sweetP. James got to work on making us christmas cookies and I played animal crossing for a few minutes. The decorations will be gone tomorrow so I wanted to get a nice picture. 

We decorated the cookies but because this wasnt exactly planned we only had blue dye and halloween sprinkles. But there are ghosts in a christmas carol and bats exist all year so its probably still fine. And they tasted pretty good.  It was a nice way to end the day. 

I took a shower and now I am in bed listening to a video. I am feeling really tired. I hope I can sleep good tonight. 

I am supposed to go back to work on tuesday. So I hope I can just enjoy the next couple days and that the last couple days of working at that PAL center will be nice and smooth. 

I hope you all have a great rest of the night. Sleep well and enjoy your day tomorrow. Goodnight!

[popculturebuffet]

Jake Reviewcaps Stuff: Amphibia: Truck Stop Polly/A Caravan Named Desire

A day two days late but no dollars short, we reach the middle of the Plantar family vacation. Polly super runs away from home after feeling negelcted and gets a neat trucker hat while Hop Pop is forced to choose between his love of theater and aiding and abetting, Sprig tries to fit in with the cool kids and Anne tries to just finish her damn Koala puzzle already. The show must go on under the cut

Okay first why this was late... I had a LOTTT of cleaning to do for a vistor coming to the house, so while I did get the episode watched I didn’t have time to write about it till today.. ironically hours before my sister from another mister is having her wedding,  a small one in her backyard with all the food pre-packaged, but still it’s obviously a lot .. and yes this has been going through my head. 

Point is life’s been busy, this isn’t the first thing to get delayed, but I do want to try to get these out on saturday at least.  Second.. these eps faced an uphill battle.. see like the Lost Harp of Mirvana during my ducktales coverage earlier this year, this is what seems like an average ep from the summaries given out by disney.. right before a stream of far more important and intresting ones.  For this one it’s two fairly standard eps.. right before another fairly standard one.. that then leads into finding out both what Sasha’s doing and presumibly, why she’s still on the bad guy side like the intro suggests or if the intro is just lying. We won’t know till next week. And to make matters worse after that we have Kermit the frog’s episode.. as in kermit doing voice work not whoever his voice actor is now just doing a diffrent voice. And i’m so glad disney is continuing this beautifully insane idea that started when Fozzy voiced a character on Big City Greens. See this is good quality use of your muppets. Hopefully muppets now will keep this up later this week. Anyways paired with Kermit is the long awaited gravity falls homage “Wax Museum” with Alex Hirsch himself doing both stan stand in, a stan-in if you will, teh curator and frog soos. Which is the greatest name in Disney history since Sharkbomb. Oh and THEN, we finally get to newtopia and finally meet marcie.. and if that weren’t enough, the newt king is voiced by keith motherfucking david, disney royalty as voice of Goliath in Gargoyles (Which I really need to get off my ass and watch already, I have no excuse for taking this long. At least with Darkwing Duck the absolutley baffling airing order that isn’t disney plus’ fault for once but they scould still fix is a mild one.. if not enough of one) and Dr. Facilier in “The Princess and the Frog”, in which he sang one of the best villian songs in the disney canon. Never fails to kill me. He also should’ve been sexist man alive by now but fuck if I know why he hasn’t been.. even at 64 he’s still in the running and I will not back away from that sentence. That man can get it and his wife is a very lucky woman. SO yeah, Sasha, Kermit, Frog Soos, and then a one two punch of Marcy and keith fucking david, followed by i’m assuming a good helping of world building in newtopia and i’m not assuming thanks to the episode summaries including guest voices even MORE Keith David. So yeah like Mervana proceding Fenton and Boyd and then Daisy! an episode i’d been waiting for since last year’s comiccon, and was not disapointed by, this episode is before a giant pile of stuff i’ve been waiting for plus a thing I had no idea was coming with Keith David. And this show isn’t alone: next week’s owl house is another king episode about him making a big style wish that goes wacky.. right before we get Willow and Amity’s backstory, then the episode where hopefully the gays will win. This isn’t a new thing and will doubtfully occur again but like with Mirvana I gave these eps a fair shake. How did they shake out with the added pressure? let’s find out.

Truck Stop Polly

We start in the Wagon, or Fwagon as the family calls it but i’m not because no. Just no. Plus there isn’t a catchy song for caulking your Fwagon sung by the talented, and recently engaged congradulations Joey and Lauren now that was the kind of news I needed this week, Joey Richter. 

But no Bessie isn’t being caulked down for glue, Sprig and Anne are driving the wagon, Hop Pop is asleep, as he probably hasn’t slept and Polly.. isn’t doing so good. She’s clearly missing home seeing Miss Croaker.. onlyt o find a rock.. and then because this is Amphibia some kind of nightmare that reminds me of a baby xenomorph. Anyways the reason Polly ain’t doing so good is well she’s like.. 5, on a scary trail with no one to comfort her, and none of the old comforts of home to help her forget her very likely death before she’s even big enough to rip a man’s heart out with her bear hands. I mean that’s been in her 7th birthday plans for like, forever. She TRIES to replicate old things, first trying for story time.. which fails because while Hop Pop tries, he can’t stay awake because he apparently, as the episode will prove out, hasin’t heard of caffine, while trying to get her older siblings to read to her just gets them and her in trouble when she gets bessie ran into something and Polly’s attempt at bath time afterword just floods everyone out. Thankfully while the episode does go with the “Character tries things multiple times and is destined to fail” thing, something i’ve seen a lottt in animation and as i’ve made clear in my handful of loud hosue reviews i’m not a big fan of it... but it works well here. It takes up only a portion of the episode and is used well. Nuff said. But it’s with the aftermath where things really start to shine and we really get why this episode works: Polly messed up bad yes.. but she’s also , again 5. Her family just sorta forgot that 5 year olds need a lot of attention because this is one who probably has ripped a man’s heart out... the bear hands thing is more just because it’s cooler that way. But Polly isn’t really thinking about anyone else but herself and this episode reveals a problem polly has: She puts up such a tough front she has trouble  opening up.. which makes sense. Polly wants to be taken seriously, as seen with the inn episode last season, and likely feels acting her age will just get them to stop doing that.. but as we saw there while she’s utterly capable in a crisis.. she’s still a small child, it’s still scary and she needs what all little kids need as much as she needs a freshly ripped out heart with breakfast. But what really makes the scene is, as Polly hides, Hop Pop loudly and crushingly for the poor tadpole, outright wonders if they should’ve just left her with Ms. Croaker. And yeah this is a .. hard thing to hear.  That her only parental figure regrets bringing her and feels he woudl’ve been better leaving her away from her family for what’s at the very least a month and will defintely be longer.. and not just because of future episode synopisis. And if they succeed with anne.. one of them wouldn’t be coming back. She’d miss telling her big sister good bye and that’s a LOT to take away from her and probably explains,besides Polly being badass, why they still took her: She may never see Anne again. And if Anne can’t get home, she wouldn’t of b een there for her. Polly tears up and it’s a ROUGH scene. But what really makes this scene already amazing work.. is the immdite followup. Sprig and Anne are both shocked by this and Anne , in typical “the character only heard the bad part” fashion, and as Della has proven even full grown adults aren’t immune to this so don’t feel too bad polly, asks if he really meant that. And he didn’t. It’s what makes the scene work so hopping good: it’s realistic. We’ve all had moments where a parent, a friend,  or even ourselves has just said something, something hurtful, or yelled or screamed or what have you at osmeone without meaning it.. and sometimes you can’t take that back. But we’ve all been pushed to the limit, stressed or tired or upset and just.. snapped and said something terrible. And it’s this realness that really makes it worse. Hop Pop explains he’s just exausted.. which makes sense. He has trouble deligating, being utterly terrified of Anne and Sprig taking up watch duty, and has probably been driving without sleep for a week at the LEAST given the trip’s been said to have gone on longer than planned. So he’s not in any good shape, and Anne and Sprig do consider she had her reasons. Anne does give Hop Pop coffee for the first time, which perks him right up. Polly however is still hurting and decides to use 5 year old logic and leave a fake, a convient purple ball she find sthat she dresses up with a sleep mask and her bow, and figures once they find out she’s not there, they’ll feel bad and come back. it’s a short sighted plan but we’ve all probably thought of something like this at her age. I once ran away from home carrying among things i’ve forgotten by cyclops helpmet from the x-men.. must’ve been from the 80′s as by the 90′s he let his hair out. Wish I still had that thing or at least a cyclops visor. Love that guy. This naturally backfires as while Sprig and Anne try talking to polly, Sprig thinks she’s alseep and warns anne never to wake her.. never... how.. how many stabbings did she give you before that sunk in man? Are you okay sprig? Polly naturally freaks the fuck out upon thinking her family abandoned her, but vows to start a new life.. with flapjacks and more story times. She dosen’t know anybody.. cue swampy joe from last season. A welcome return, horay! Anyways Swampy naturally not leaving a child to die because this is amphibia and not an average night in Monkey D Luffy’s childhood, and also gets her a sweet trucker hat off screen. I assume she put it on exactly like this. Polly gripes about the situation.. but in a refreshing and suprising, to both me and polly, change of pace we don’t get them agreeing or her getting a new life: The Truckers point out the main issue: She’s homesick, and she’s trying desperatley to seek comfort in old rituals without adapting to the fact that some simply don’t work as well in their new situation or taking the fact her family is busy and this is stressful for them too into account. It’s also a nice moral for thes quarantine times; sometimes you can’t get normal back easily, and have to adapt and you have to consider others feelings as hard as it might be. They also peg her being so hardned on the outsdie she dosen’t let things in and again while this is new.. it does track. We’ve rarely seen polly upset, or vunerable or any of that.. so this simply makes it a character trait.. that part of why she rarely acts like the 5 year old she is is she’s scared of letting people in and loosing what ground she’s gained with Hop Pop. As for why their so wise it’s because when your alone driving for miles on the open road you have nothing but self improvment.. and in a great bit the lone female trucker among them got her PhD, and celebrates with her friend with a high tounge. Of course bigger problems arrive. Turns out taking some random object you found without checking for a zany scheme isn’t wise as a man comes in wondering where his roc’s egg went.. roc’s bein ga type of bird.. a giant bird. That kills the first frog it sees upon hatching, like imprinting only more horrifying.. so like the twilight version of imprinting then. And yes i’m aware i’m bashing twilight still, and while I largely don’t care, having an 18 year old man romantically imprint on a baby, rapid aging or no, is fucking creepy and not a good ending for the character. And yes that actually happened. Polly gets Soggy Joe, now speedy joe complete with hat and yes you need to call him that Polly finds out, to give her a lift back home. Meanwhile back home, Anne decides to read to polly anyway. I mean she just watched her sorta girlfriend sacrifice herself and then get carted off by the scary asshole who wanted to presumibly put her grandpa’s head on a spike outside his tower as a warning. Polly stabbing her a few times dosen’t really stack up. But she discovers she’s not there and gives out a code purple.. which ges the rest of the family right on time. Polly and Joe catch up with them and find the roc emerging out of the caravan and everyone fighting. Thankfully polly static clings on Joe’s fringe seats, which Joe grumbles about, and builds up the static before having him fast ball special her into the bird, which beats it. Polly takes credit for about five seconds.. before Hop Pop uses her full name as he’s pissed.. not about the giant death bird, a giant bird trying to murder you seconds after birth is just an average tuesday on this hell planet.. though i’d still trade it for our hell planet if they could get streaming down. No like any good parent he’s upset she ran away.. and devistated when Polly tears up and reveals she heard his whole thing earlier, with Hop Pop gently apologizing and explaning he took just how grown up she is for granted, with the Anne and Sprig naturally agreeing and the four hug. I do wish Polly apologized.. but it still works anyway as she’s still 5, she does feel bad about it, and she did just save their lives. The episode would’ve been slightly better with it but works fine. Soggy Joe offers to tow them, because he’s a class act, and Hop Pop decides to have storytime with everyone.. Anne points out she’s 13 but eh why not. Also I did like getting conformation how old she is as before it was just conjecture by me that she was 13 or 14. For the record as you can tell I peg polly as five, Sprig as 9 or 10, and Hop Pop as me shrugging. Also Polly’s normal story is a gritty noir story about a man trying to murder his wife’s killer.. which is funny enough and explains a lot about polly enough.. until we get a POP UP BOOK POP UP OF A HAND HOLDING A KNIFE. Just.. (Chef’s kiss) my god. Of course Anne loves it. 

Final Thoughts for this Episode:  A really good one, that has  a lot of intresting dynamics and remembered Polly’s age without overwriting her character.. it still felt in character and was a nice reminder she’s still a young child, just one that can Volt Tackle large birds and who likes noir revenge quests as her bed time story. It added some more depth to Polly and it was something she really needed, giving her a vunerable side again and expanding on that. The first third does drag a bit.. but once the episode gets going it gets really fucking excellent.. while “child feels neglected and runs away” isn’t a new story, it works here both due to it’s realism, giant muder bird, or birderer if you will, non-withstanding, and due to being rooted in the Plantar’s characters.  It’s damn good and like Mirvana was a nice suprise of an episode. 

A Caravan Named Desire Suprisie a wedding is exausting and not only did I have to abandon finishing this review to get ready for it, but was too tired to actually finish this when I got home.  Aw well. Let’s keep it going. 

We open as our heroes are about to enter the thirsty swamp, another desert region, but this time more deserty. Anne scoffs at needing hydration.. before a cut to her utterly dehydrated and pouring the canteen on herself.. which she pulled up including sprig who gives out a whee. As adorable as it is chuckle worthy. Hop Pop is worried because as his faviorite plays says the area is full of terrible monsters and bandits.. and the kids groan because he’s clealry talked about this play a lot. As it turned out Hop Pop always wanted to be an actor, but gave it up.. and this is where I feel the episode missed some good character stuff: We never find out a lot about Hop Pop at that age: why he wanted to buck tradiition when why by present day he’s nothing but tradition, or why he gave up after one failed audition.. it’s not a bad episode, but I feel we missed out on an opprutnity to learn more about Hop Pop’s past, an area the show really hasn’t dug into apart from “He and sylvia were into each other once and he has a rvial and now he’s dating Sylvia for real this time so yay”. And speaking of which it is weird he hasn’t brought her up.. I mean he dosen’t have to miss his girlfriend every 5 minutes, that’d get fucking annoying , and the silver age fantastic four comics where Johnny storm would constantly pine for a girl he met for all of 5 minutes, carried over to the 90′s cartoon but toned down, are proof that’d be annoying. But it’s still just.. weird it hasn’t come up once so far.. we have a full season for it too, but it just feels like the show abrubtly left most of it’s supporting cast behind without asking how any of htem felt about Anne and the plantars leaving after spending a full season having them go from mildly tolerated to beloved by the town, especially Anne.  Anyways before Hop Pop can bring up his one time as Tony in the wartwood production of west side story, they have worm sign and soon a sandworm is chasing them because of course Amphibia has sand worms. Their thankfully saved by a mysterious woman and her caravan, Renee Frodgers, the writer of the play Hop Pop won’t shut up about and no one else cares about.. kind of like me with.. everything. Pretty much everything. But with auditions going on Hop Pop gladly follows Renee back into her office, while a nearbye actor kid offers to take the Plantar kids to the kids car. Sprig and Polly are entirely on board, but Anne’s answer?

Turns out when Anne was widdle, somewhere from 4 to 6, she was in a school play about dental hyginee as a tooth tripped.. and everything caught fire. “4 out of 5 detinsts say I was traumatized.”, a great line. So Anne’s noping out of this one and decides to instead work on her Kola’s of Passion jigsaw puzzle.. which if that’s for an animatied ripoff of titanic but with Kolas I will give all my money to see that.. well no I need that but I do have an unopened can of pringles on my desk and a penguins of madagascar dvd I got for free at a garage sale. Will that work? Please? So we have our two main plots and running gag: Sprig trying to fit in with the kids, hop pop living out his dreams and anne trying to finish a puzzle. And since the plots really don’t intersect till the last moment apart from one scene with Anne, i’ll be covering both seperatley.  Sprig’s plot is very simple: He wants the theater kids to like him, the lead actor treats him like crap, Polly gets accepted but is just sorta there htis episode outside of one great gag that we’ll get to in a moment, and eventually sprig just gets fed up and tells the guy off. It’s not all that enjoyable as I relate a bit too much to desperatley wanting to be liked in high school by people who were utter dicks.. and breifly in college online, so it brings back too many bad memories but hte punchline of sprig jumping back into frame in cosutme the minute he gets acceptance for telling the pissant off is priceless.  Now with that out of the way, back a few minutes ago Hop Pop tries auditioning but tries to hard and fails, and dosen’t get the part, in part because he has no experince but later storms back in and tells Renee off.. and that honest passion gets him the lead. And .. turns out Hop Pop is a master actor getting love from the masses and living out his dream. Again it’s where I wish we got more drive, more of his past. I don’t know why other than “I want to act” why Hop Pop wants this so bad or why it means so much. I know what he wants, paul, but not WHY he wants it. I do get time constraints.. but if that was the case.. why keep the sprig subplot? He could just be an extra or stage crew or making a puzzle with anne or some other shenanigan that required less screentime. I do REALLY like spirg, this season if nothing else has made me realize how good the character is, I just feel for this episode the other minutes could’ve gone better to set up Hop Pop’s love of acting and past better and give us more of how Hopidah went from a wannabe actor ready to leave tradition behind to someone who clings to it like something clingy. This episode isn’t bad but there’s more it could’ve done.  Anyways the good times, and the tour and if your curious the wagon is being stored somewhere on the caravan since they can’t safetly travel alone, end when Hop Pop walks in on Renee planning a heist. Now granted instead of the obvious of “oh their just theives’ the troop are legit actors, directors etc... the heists are because, much like on earth, no one supports the arts and they need money to keep going and keep putting on shows, hence Renee and her two goons rob the towns they visit during the more powerful moments of Hop Pop’s performance. And this is something like. While “Character wants to do something and ends up getting recruited by shady people for a scheme to do it” isn’t at all new, here it’s intresting because instead of being bad at it or the scheme being related to the heist or the normal twists.. Hop Pop is legit good, we even see a bit of his performance later and loved, instead of just being so bad it’s useful, and the theives aren’t just after money but keeping their art alive.  So Hop Pop is conflicted and turns to Anne.. and ruins her puzzle because of course he does, but while Anne tells him the obvious: Stealing is bad even to support our badly unfunded arts, otherwise modern artists would be pulling daring heists all the time.. seriously that should be a show, Hop Pop decides he’s such a godo actor he can convince himself nothing’s going on. Sprig comes in for his subplot and annoys anne further and also dosen’t listen to her and Polly.. just tells Anne she loves her with Anne screaming it back. It’s a great punchline to the scene and also really sweet. Aww.  So Hop Pop tries to get used to aiding and abetting but realizes during his big scene he just.. can’t turn his concsen off, outs renee then gets into a chase with her, with renee making hte mistake of detaching the front car to escape.. only to end up Worm food. She’ll make good spice at least.. I guess? I don’t know how Dune works. She’s arrested, and Hop Pop and family book it after the kids accidently spill he knew about the crime ahead of time and did nothing. The end. 

[ryanmeft]

Movie Review: Dora and the Lost City of Gold

There is a line of thinking which holds that you will enjoy things more if you turn off your adult brain and think like a child. I disdain this argument for two reasons. First, it assumes children cannot appreciate quality in their entertainment. Second, it posits that if you do not enjoy something, it isn’t because that thing was flawed, but because you’re an old grump. Dora and the Lost City of Gold kicks away both of these tired assumptions and delivers an exciting, irreverent, funny, well-made film that could serve as the first great pulp adventure for kids too young for Indiana Jones, while being legitimately interesting to adults. It is proof of my frequent assertion that you can make a good movie out of any subject.

Dora, who debuted as a 7-year-old adventurer educating children on culture and language in one of Nickelodeon’s most successful shows, has grown up. She’s 18, played by Isabela Moner (who also voiced a ten-year-old Dora on a follow-up show). She’s lived all her life in the jungles of Peru, accompanied only by her adventurer parents (Eva Longoria and Michael Pena) and her monkey Boots (voice of Danny Trejo, and yes, you hear him talk through the monkey at one point). Her one human friend her age, her cousin Diego (Jeff Wahlberg) moved from the jungle when she was 6. Her parents have spent years on the trail of a lost Incan city named Parapata. Much like when you were a kid and wanted to do whatever it was your parents did, Dora inherits their love for adventure and frequently gets herself in trouble. After endangering herself to a particular degree while thinking she’s found the city, her parents decide she’s not gained enough responsibility to continue the search for Parapata with them, and send her to school in L.A. while they continue the search.

From the off, the movie is spiced with just enough irreverent humor to clue in those of us who have seen dozens of episodes of the cartoon that this is not that. The first few minutes strongly suggest that the entire TV show was actually just the product of Dora and Diego’s imaginations, though it somehow does so in a way that doesn’t feel dismissive of the kids who grew up with it. Once grown, screenwriters Nicholas Stoller and Matthew Robinson provide the still-wide-eyed Dora with more comic fodder riffing on the show; a seconds-long explanation of a dangerous flower (“Can you say severe neurotoxicity?”) had me laughing as hard as anything I can remember this year. The characters poke fun at the show in a way that feels loving rather than insulting (“Who is gonna recognize one specific fox?”). This may be chalked up to the fact that the movie chose to employ at least one bona-fide comedy writer: Stoller’s credits include Forgetting Sarah Marshall, still one of the funniest films of this century, and director James Bobin’s Muppets movies, which also had a successful balance of whimsy and satire.

Moner is the key to the movie’s success. Her Dora is excitable, energetic, and optimistic, but never cloying or insulting to any age of viewer. She may have grown up in the jungle, but she’s not stupid: she understands that some people are mean because they’re damaged, and she knows what sex and dating are (parents, take comfort: her comments about mating practices will, like much of the film’s adult-geared humor, pass by your little ones without notice). She regularly embarrasses the now grown Diego, who just wants to get through the day with as little drama as possible. “This is High School,” he insists. “It’s life or death,” and frankly my own High School experiences incline me to agree. Also attracting Dora’s attention are over-achiever Sammy (Madeleine Madden), who is a toned-down version of Rachel McAdams’ Mean Girls character, and Randy (Nicholas Coombe), a shy nerd who, although the movie never quite goes there with it, would be Dora’s perfect match. These companions, who naturally eventually end up on the search for Parapata, are not given the same emotional or comic development as Dora, but they are supposed to be foils for her, representations of flaws she does not possess who she can play off of, and they are successful at this.

Dora eventually stops receiving messages from her parents, deduces they are in trouble, and enlists her reluctant classmates to rescue them. This comes with the introduction of both a band of mercenaries working with a CG Swiper the Fox (voice of Benicio Del Toro) and a guide, Alejandro (Eugenio Derbez) who is not the clueless, bumbling adult of kids movies, yet also not quite the fearless explorer he would like the kids to believe he is. I particularly appreciated his role, which is developed to an extent adults in these movies rarely are.

The adventures in the jungle have the tone of amusement park rides the way you remember them from childhood, as opposed to the way they actually were. The special effects and sets are deliberately just this side of realistic---gigantic rainbow flowers that spit poison, a throne room that feels like something out of an escape room, and other locations remind you of the mix of unreality and immersion you get wandering a really good man-made park. The film offers extended surprises in the story, too. If you ever wondered why characters in adventure movies never have to use the restroom, this one somehow manages to address that in a way that is both hilarious and does not feel low-brow. Dora’s inevitable moment of doubt in her leadership abilities feels real and true. And there’s an extended callback to the cartoon, which I won’t spoil, that only a truly inspired creative team would ever have thought of, and only a truly trusting studio would ever have signed off on. (As a side note: are there any fans of Don Rosa in the audience? And did you get the sense, during the stunt with the sluice gate, that the writers have read a particular comic of his?). I can only imagine what wonderful ideas the filmmakers didn’t use for this entry. A lot of family films get sequels, but this is one of the only such movies that absolutely needs one.

People ask why I get so tired of all-ages entertainment that panders to what viewers have already decided they want, or that employs cheap use of pop songs and recycled gags instead of real wit. They want to know why I can’t just turn my brain off. It’s because, every so often, you get a movie like this, something in the grand tradition of Holes or The Red Balloon, which knows that if you make a good film, kids and adults will respond. Against, arguably, all odds, a TV show designed to teach young kids about the world has been transmuted into one of the best live-action family films you can get. If anyone else out there would like to take a cue from Bobin and company and start making their all-ages fare with actual brains and heart and risk, I just have this to say: “Swiper, yes swiping.”

Verdict: Highly Recommended

Note: I don’t use stars, but here are my possible verdicts.

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid like the Plague

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 All images are property of the people what own the movie.

[nathancone]

A Second Decade of Movies

Ten years ago on Facebook, I compiled a list of every movie I watched, in order, from the first decade of the network’s existence. Now, here’s part two, covering the years 2010-2019. There are 754 titles below, though some are repeat viewings. The movie I watched the most? Harold Lloyd in “The Freshman.” My favorite movie from the last decade? “The Tree of Life.”

But I began the 2010s with James Cameron’s mega-hit “Avatar.” I’ll go on record saying the movie is still enjoyable ten years later, as I watched it again in 2019 with my kids to prep for visiting the World of Pandora at Disney’s Animal Kingdom. But--I also agree with those who say there’s little remembered from the film in the culture today. Can you name the stars? Recount the plot in detail? Mostly what we remember from the film is the spectacle of it all, game-changing when it was released in 2009.

At any rate, enjoy the list below! If a title is hotlinked, it will take you to an essay, interview, or related coverage on the film by yours truly.    

1.       Avatar 2.       I Walked With A Zombie 3.       The Paradine Case 4.       Whip It 5.       The Body Snatcher 6.       Coraline 7.       Everybody’s Fine 8.       The Blind Side 9.       The Hurt Locker                 10.   Citizen Architect 11.   Fantastic Mr. Fox 12.   Dance With the One 13.   The Happy Poet                 14.   When I Rise 15.   Mr. Nice 16.   Lemmy 17.   Haynesville 18.   Rashomon 19.   Cabin in the Sky                 20.   Toy Story 2 21.   Being There 22.   Modern Times 23.   Iron Monkey 24.   Kiki’s Delivery Service 25.   Alice In Wonderland 26.   WALL·E 27.   Goldfinger 28.   A Fistful of Dollars 29.   The Red Shoes 30.   M. Hulot’s Holiday 31.   When In Rome 32.   Toy Story 3 33.   The Godfather 34.   White Heat 35.   The Girl on the Train 36.   Mary Poppins 37.   Kapò 38.   Dr. Strangelove 39.   White Dog 40.   Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home 41.   Scoop 42.   Katyn 43.   Metropolis 44.   Days of Heaven 45.   Shane 46.   Ramona and Beezus 47.   Duck Soup 48.   Pillow Talk 49.   Monte Carlo 50.   Persona 51.   The Powderkids               52.   Machete 53.   THX 1138 54.   Ran 55.   Fantasia 2000 56.   Contempt 57.   The Big Red One 58.   Mid-August Lunch 59.   McCabe & Mrs. Miller 60.   Casablanca 61.   The Last Song 62.   Close Encounters of the Third Kind 63.   Sherlock, Jr. 64.   The Thin Red Line 65.   Modern Times 66.   Fantasia 67.   Mon Oncle 68.   Stagecoach 69.   Hallelujah 70.   Mademoiselle Chambon 71.   Double Take 72.   Black Swan 73.   Tangled 74.   The King’s Speech 75.   TRON: Legacy 76.   A Safe Place 77.   The King of Marvin Gardens 78.   Wings of Desire 79.   Head 80.   The Social Network 81.   Drive, He Said 82.   The Fighter 83.   Gold Diggers in Paris 84.   The Gay Divorcee 85.   The Love Parade 86.   127 Hours 87.   Never Let Me Go 88.   Forrest Gump 89.   A Film Unfinished 90.   How To Train Your Dragon 91.   Modern Times 92.   Malcolm X 93.   When I Rise 94.   Inception 95.   The Kids Are All Right 96.   A Time For Drunken Horses 97.   Our Hospitality 98.   The Ghost and Mrs. Muir 99.   The Mikado 100.   Something Ventured 101.   Five Time Champion 102.   Natural Selection 103.   Kumare                 104.    F#$k My Life 105.    Hesher 106.    Small, Beautifully Moving Parts 107.      Win Win 108.     Beats of Freedom 109.     Topsy-Turvy 110.     Taken By Storm                 111.     I Am a Fugitive From a Chain Gang 112.  Army of Shadows 113.  The Life of Emile Zola 114.   Rio 115.  East of Eden 116.  The Drummond Will 117.  Cooper 118.  Marriage Italian Style 119.  Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow 120.  Sunflower 121. Salt of This Sea 122. Casablanca 123.   The Happy Thieves 124.  The Art of Getting By 125. Patty Hearst 126. Breathless 127. The Tree of Life 128.  Nora’s Will 129.  Mr. Popper’s Penguins 130.                        My Man Godfrey 131.                        The Muppet Movie 132.                        Back to the Future 133.                        Back to the Future Part II 134.                        Back to the Future Part III 135.                        Rear Window 136.                        Q: The Winged Serpent 137.                        Cars 2 138.                        The Godfather Part II 139.                        Super 8 140.                        Dazed and Confused 141.                        All Night Long 142.                        The Tree of Life 143.                        Winnie the Pooh 144.                        M. Hulot’s Holiday 145.                        Snow Flower and the Secret Fan               146.                        A Thousand Clowns 147.                        Tokyo Story 148.                        The Smurfs 149.                        The League of Gentlemen 150.                        Malcolm X (1972) 151.                        Late Spring 152.                        Ladies & Gentlemen the Rolling Stones 153.                        The Princess Bride 154.                        Hud 155.                        The Boys 156.                        Poetry 157.                        Waking Sleeping Beauty               158.                        Martha Marcy May Marlene 159.                        Seduced and Abandoned 160.                        The Nightmare Before Christmas 161.                        The Third Man   162.                        Dressed To Kill 163.                        Echotone 164.                        Straw Dogs (1971) 165.                        Sapphire 166.                        Broken Embraces 167.                        The Wild One 168.                        La Belle et la Bête 169.                        The Tree of Life 170.                        Beauty and the Beast 171.                        Killer’s Kiss 172.                        The Producers 173.                        Camille (1921) 174.                        She’s Gotta Have It 175.                        La Belle et la Bête 176.                        The Descendants 177.                        Hugo 178.                        The Muppets 179.                        Another Earth 180.                        Rise of the Planet of the Apes 181.                        Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked 182.                        The Artist 183.                        Arthur Christmas 184.                        The Curious Case of Benjamin Button 185.                        Midnight in Paris 186.                        War Horse 187.                        The Whistleblower 188.                        The Great Waltz 189.                        Manhattan 190.                        Annie Hall 191.                        The Help 192.                        Moneyball 193.                        Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close 194.                        Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 195.                        The Lorax 196.                        Kid-Thing 197.                        Zodiac 198.                        Hunky Dory 199.                        Wolf 200.                        Tchoupitoulas 201.                        21 Jump Street 202.                        Crulic: The Path to Beyond 203.                        The Imposter 204.                        The Descendants 205.                        Victim 206.                        Revenge of the Electric Car 207.                        We Bought a Zoo 208.                        Titanic (3D) 209.                        Shame 210.                        The Jazz Singer 211.                        For Greater Glory 212.                        Lola Versus 213.                        The Avengers 214.                        Prometheus 215.                        Citizen Kane 216.                        Brave 217.                        Rio Bravo 218.                        The Black Hole 219.                        Thunder Soul 220.                        The Gold Rush 221.                        Children of Paradise 222.                        The Natural 223.                        An American in Paris 224.                        North By Northwest 225.                        Harold and Maude 226.                        Killer Joe 227.                        Gilda 228.                        Miss Bala 229.                        Bride of Frankenstein 230.                        The Graduate 231.                        Madagascar 3 232.                        Close Encounters of the Third Kind 233.                        Star Trek VI: The Final Frontier 234.                        TRON: Legacy 235.                        Rise of the Guardians 236.                        Lincoln 237.                        Finding Nemo 238.                        Hitchcock 239.                        The Illusionist 240.                        Les Misérables 241.                        A Christmas Story 242.                        Kit Kittredge: An American Girl 243.                        Silver Linings Playbook 244.                        The Apple Dumpling Gang 245.                        Zero Dark Thirty 246.                        Wreck-It Ralph 247.                        On the Waterfront 248.                        The Life of Pi 249.                        Argo 250.                        Bag It 251.                        Loves Her Gun 252.                        Good Night 253.                        Mud 254.                        Museum Hours 255.                        This Is Where We Live 256.                        Unreal Dream: The Michael Morton Story 257.                        Sake-Bomb 258.                        The Girl                 259.                        Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore 260.                        Return to the Hiding Place 261.                        The Purple Rose of Cairo 262.                        To The Wonder 263.                        Epic 264.                        There Will Be Blood 265.                        Star Trek Into Darkness 266.                        Lawrence of Arabia 267.                        The Birds 268.                        Star Trek: First Contact 269.                        Barry Lyndon 270.                        Star Wars: A New Hope 271.                        Saboteur 272.                        Hell’s House 273.                        Of Human Bondage 274.                        The Flowers of St. Francis 275.                        Monsters University 276.                        Old Joy 277.                        Out of Africa 278.                        Safety Last! 279.                        The Killing 280.                        A Night To Remember 281.                        Singin’ in the Rain 282.                        Sherlock, Jr. 283.                        The Smurfs 2 284.                        Planes 285.                        Sicko 286.                        Brief Encounter                 287.                        Meek’s Cutoff 288.                        Wendy and Lucy 289.                        Side By Side 290.                        A.I. Artificial Intelligence 291.                        Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2 292.                        Powaqqatsi 293.                        Machete Kills 294.                        Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back 295.                        The Royal Tenenbaums 296.                        Moonrise Kingdom 297.                        Bottle Rocket 298.                        The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou 299.                        The Exorcist 300.                        The Darjeeling Limited   301.                        Dreamgirls 302.                        Dallas Buyers Club 303.                        Brewster McCloud 304.                        Cruising                 305.                        City Lights 306.                        Saving Mr. Banks 307.                        Frozen   308.                        Lili 309.                        The Gold Rush   310.                        Ninotchka 311.                        12 Angry Men 312.                        Lone Survivor 313.                        Her 314.                        The Nut Job 315.                        Cool It 316.                        American Hustle 317.                        Money and Medicine 318.                        Life Itself 319.                        The X From Outer Space 320.                        Captain Phillips 321.                        A Cat in Paris 322.                        Le Ciel est à Vous 323.                        Las Marthas 324.                        Rezeta 325.                        La Jaola de Oro 326.                        Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory                 327.                        Clue 328.                        Gravity 329.                        Nebraska 330.                        The Lego Movie                 331.                        Up 332.                        Liv & Ingmar 333.                        Before Midnight 334.                        Two Weeks in Another Town 335.                        Rio 2 336.                        All Is Lost 337.                        The Great Mouse Detective 338.                        The Adventures of Robin Hood 339.                        Stephen Tobolowsky’s Birthday Party 340.                        Belle 341.                        Bottled Up: The Battle Over Dublin Dr Pepper 342.                        My Dinner With Andre 343.                        Harry Dean Stanton Partly Fiction 344.                        The Lego Movie                 345.                        Bears 346.                        The Nightmare Before Christmas 347.                        Contempt 348.                        How To Train Your Dragon 2 349.                        Vertigo 350.                        Gojira 351.                        The Wizard of Oz 352.                        12 Angry Men 353.                        A Hard Day’s Night 354.                        Network 355.                        Picnic At Hanging Rock 356.                        Get On Up 357.                        E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial 358.                        The Drop             359.                        The Match Factory Girl   360.                        Dawn of the Planet of the Apes 361.                        Superman 362.                        Horse Feathers 363.                        I Married A Witch 364.                        The Grand Budapest Hotel           365.                        Il Sorpasso 366.                        Conde Drácula 367.                        Boyhood 368.                        Fun and Fancy Free 369.                        The Freshman (1925)     370.                        Intimidation       371.                        I Am Love 372.                        Fantastic Mr. Fox 373.                        The Freshman (1925)     374.                        The Freshman (1925) 375.                        Safe 376.                        Invitation to the Dance 377.                        Captain America: The Winter Soldier 378.                        Bicycle Thieves 379.                        Sherlock, Jr. 380.                        Whiplash 381.                        Ida 382.                        Tron 383.                        Return of the Jedi 384.                        Petting Zoo 385.                        Western 386.                        Cinderella (2015) 387.                        Lamb 388.                        Babysitter 389.                        The Thin Blue Line 390.                        Vernon, Florida 391.                        Gates of Heaven 392.                        Purple Rain 393.                        Sullivan’s Travels 394.                        Star Wars: Episode I 395.                        Safety Last! 396.                        Jesus Christ Superstar 397.                        Anatomy of a Murder 398.                        Mary Poppins 399.                        Inside Out 400.                        Love & Mercy 401.                        A Star Is Born (1954) 402.                        The Princess and the Frog 403.                        The Freshman (1925) 404.                        Zazie dans la Métro 405.                        The Treasure of the Sierra Madre 406.                        Lilo & Stitch 407.                        Monkey Kingdom 408.                        Foreign Correspondent 409.                        The Princess Bride 410.                        Tomorrowland 411.                        Rome: Open City 412.                        A Hard Day’s Night 413.                        Star Trek: Generations 414.                        The Roaring Twenties 415.                        Following the Ninth 416.                        Samantha: An American Girl Holiday 417.                        He Named Me Malala 418.                        Wings of Life 419.                        Singin’ in the Rain 420.                        The Peanuts Movie 421.                        Spotlight 422.                        The Good Dinosaur 423.                        Fantasia 2000 424.                        Reel Injun 425.                        It Happened One Night 426.                        Star Wars: The Force Awakens 427.                        Star Wars: Episode II 428.                        Concussion 429.                        One Hour With You 430.                        Enchanted 431.                        A Room With A View 432.                        The Hateful Eight 433.                        Speedy 434.                        Time Out of Mind 435.                        Cinderella (2015) 436.                        The Lady Vanishes 437.                        Naqoyqatsi 438.                        Suzanne’s Career 439.                        Bear Country 440.                        The 100 Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window… 441.                        Bandidas 442.                        Star Wars: The Force Awakens 443.                        Virtuosity 444.                        The Big Short 445.                        Two Days, One Night 446.                        The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe 447.                        Bridge of Spies 448.                        Brooklyn 449.                        Michael Jackson From Motown To Off The Wall 450.                        Tower 451.                        Transpecos 452.                        Last Night at the Alamo 453.                        Claire In Motion 454.                        Zootopia 455.                        Bodyguard 456.                        W. 457.                        The Adventures of Pepper and Paula 458.                        The Jungle Book (2016) 459.                        Star Wars: The Force Awakens 460.                        Captain America: Civil War 461.                        What About Bob? 462.                        Love & Friendship 463.                        Dial M For Murder 464.                        Garfield                 465.                        Ben-Hur 466.                        To Kill A Mockingbird 467.                        Citizenfour 468.                        Finding Dory 469.                        Ant-Man 470.                        The Quiet Man 471.                        The Peanuts Movie 472.                        The BFG 473.                        My Dinner With Andre 474.                        Children of Men 475.                        The Last Temptation of Christ 476.                        The Secret Life of Pets 477.                        Chimes At Midnight 478.                        Brewed in the 210 479.                        Saturday Night Fever 480.                        The New World 481.                        Who Framed Roger Rabbit 482.                        Walt & El Grupo 483.                        Saludos Amigos                 484.                        The Jungle Book (2016) 485.                        The Last Picture Show 486.                        Beetlejuice 487.                        The King and I 488.                        Ride in the Whirlwind 489.                        Dracula 490.                        The Angry Birds Movie 491.                        The Sword in the Stone 492.                        Queen of Katwe 493.                        The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad 494.                        Beetlejuice 495.                        Dracula 496.                        Arrival 497.                        Tron: Legacy 498.                        Akira Kurosawa’s Dreams 499.                        Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them 500.                        Boomerang (1947) 501.                        Safety Last! 502.                        South of the Border 503.                        Honey, I Shrunk The Kids 504.                        Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them 505.                        Jiro Dreams of Sushi 506.                        Rogue One 507.                        Moana   508.                        Once 509.                        Redes 510.                        Max Dugan Returns 511.                        Amadeus 512.                        The New World 513.                        13th 514.                        Star Trek III: The Search for Spock 515.                        Yarn 516.                        Paddington 517.                        Hidden Figures 518.                        Doctor Strange 519.                        The Lego Batman Movie 520.                        Clue 521.                        The Honor Farm 522.                        Mr. Roosevelt 523.                        La Barracuda 524.                        The Ballad of Lefty Brown 525.                        Beauty and the Beast (2017) 526.                        Cat People 527.                        The Adventures of Tintin 528.                        The Freshman (1925) 529.                        The Artist 530.                        Day for Night 531.                        Stranger on the Third Floor 532.                        Twentieth Century 533.                        Modern Times 534.                        Alien: Covenant                 535.                        Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul 536.                        Norman 537.                        Casablanca 538.                        Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie 539.                        Alvin & the Chipmunks: Road Chip 540.                        The Man Who Knew Too Much 541.                        Cars 3 542.                        The Sugarland Express 543.                        Redes 544.                        School of Rock 545.                        Duck Soup 546.                        Cat People 547.                        Tower 548.                        War for the Planet of the Apes 549.                        Pete’s Dragon (2016) 550.                        Richard Linklater: Dream Is Destiny 551.                        The Double Life of Veronique 552.                        Dunkirk                 553.                        The Adventures of Robin Hood 554.                        Something Wicked This Way Comes 555.                        Young Frankenstein 556.                        Duck Soup 557.                        Tampopo 558.                        Beggars of Life 559.                        Tender Mercies                 560.                        The Princess and the Frog 561.                        Rogue One 562.                        Steve Jobs 563.                        Despicable Me 3 564.                        Close Encounters of the Third Kind 565.                        Koyaanisqatsi 566.                        Honeysuckle Rose 567.                        Wonder Woman 568.                        Creed 569.                        North By Northwest 570.                        Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets 571.                        The Nightmare Before Christmas 572.                        Altered States 573.                        Dealt 574.                        Star Wars: The Force Awakens 575.                        My Cousin Rachel (2017) 576.                        Get Out                 577.                        Planet of the Apes (1968) 578.                        Tomorrowland 579.                        Justice League 580.                        The Disaster Artist 581.                        Thor: Ragnarok 582.                        Beneath the Planet of the Apes 583.                        Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me 584.                        The Philadelphia Story 585.                        Escape From the Planet of the Apes 586.                        Ferdinand 587.                        Star Wars: The Last Jedi 588.                        Darkest Hour 589.                        Coco 590.                        Dunkirk                 591.                        Phantom Thread 592.                        Paddington 2 593.                        Arrival 594.                        Spider-Man: Homecoming 595.                        Conquest of the Planet of the Apes 596.                        Our Souls at Night 597.                        Mudbound 598.                        The Post 599.                        Germany Year Zero 600.                        Trading Places 601.                        The Shape of Water 602.                        Black Panther 603.                        Logan 604.                        The Simpsons Movie 605.                        Wings 606.                        Miss Congeniality 607.                        Never Cry Wolf 608.                        Something Wicked This Way Comes 609.                        Pride and Prejudice (2005) 610.                        Moana 611.                        Ready Player One 612.                        Viva Max 613.                        Red River 614.                        Bridget Jones’s Baby 615.                        Avengers: Infinity War 616.                        The Sugarland Express 617.                        Selena 618.                        Peaceful Warrior 619.                        Spider-Man 2 620.                        Stagecoach 621.                        The Godfather, Part III 622.                        Solo: A Star Wars Story 623.                        Jaws 624.                        Peter Pan 625.                        The Day the Earth Stood Still 626.                        Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 627.                        Won’t You Be My Neighbor? 628.                        Daughters of the Dust 629.                        Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan 630.                        Time Bandits 631.                        Incredibles 2 632.                        Avatar 633.                        On the Waterfront 634.                        Forks Over Knives 635.                        It Happened One Night 636.                        Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl 637.                        Ant-Man and the Wasp 638.                        A Quiet Place 639.                        Full Metal Jacket 640.                        The Thin Blue Line 641.                        The Ballad of Gregorio Cortez 642.                        Teen Titans Go! To The Movies 643.                        The Reluctant Dragon 644.                        Tokyo Story 645.                        The Karate Kid (1984) 646.                        Blazing Saddles 647.                        The Black Cauldron

648.                        Back to the Future 649.                        2001: A Space Odyssey 650.                        Blaze 651.                        In Old Arizona 652.                        Crazy Rich Asians 653.                        Ocean’s 8 654.                        Star Wars: A New Hope 655.                        The Tree of Life (Extended Cut) 656.                        First Man 657.                        Food, Inc. 658.                        Napoleon Dynamite 659.                        Halloween (2018) 660.                        Christopher Robin 661.                        Battle for the Planet of the Apes               662.                        Paris, Je t’aime 663.                        Breakfast at Tiffany’s 664.                        Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald 665.                        Back to the Future, Part II 666.                        Koyaanisqatsi 667.                        Creed II                 668.                        True Stories 669.                        Ralph Breaks the Internet 670.                        Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse 671.                        The Last Command 672.                        Mary Poppins Returns 673.                        The Primary Instinct 674.                        Rise of the Planet of the Apes 675.                        An Inconvenient Truth 676.                        A Christmas Story 677.                        BlacKkKlansman 678.                        Annihilation 679.                        A Star Is Born (2018) 680.                        That’s Entertainment, Part 2 681.                        Close Encounters of the Third Kind 682.                        Teen Titans Go! To The Movies 683.                        Back to the Future, Part III 684.                        Stranger Than Paradise 685.                        On the Basis of Sex 686.                        Bohemian Rhapsody 687.                        The Favourite 688.                        First Reformed 689.                        Dawn of the Planet of the Apes 690.                        Cold War 691.                        They Shall Not Grow Old 692.                        The Iron Orchard 693.                        Free Solo 694.                        Captain Marvel 695.                        The Little Mermaid 696.                        Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End 697.                        Wasted! The Story of Food Waste 698.                        Green Book 699.                        La Bamba 700.                        Running for Good 701.                        Us 702.                        War for the Planet of the Apes 703.                        I, Tonya                 704.                        Avengers: Endgame 705.                        Amazing Grace (2019) 706.                        Shazam! 707.                        Testament 708.                        Vice 709.                        Raiders of the Lost Ark 710.                        The Umbrellas of Cherbourg 711.                        Planet of the Apes (2001) 712.                        Aladdin (2019) 713.                        The Ballad of Gregorio Cortez 714.                        Detour 715.                        The Hitch-Hiker 716.                        The Border 717.                        Toy Story 4 718.                        Flight 719.                        Do the Right Thing 720.                        Midnight Cowboy 721.                        Spider Man: Far From Home 722.                        Some Like It Hot 723.                        Strangers on a Train 724.                        Red Hook Summer 725.                        All That Heaven Allows 726.                        Cowspiracy 727.                        Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood 728.                        Zodiac 729.                        Wings of Desire                 730.                        The Blues Brothers 731.                        The Farewell 732.                        Super Size Me 733.                        Safety Last! 734.                        Hustlers 735.                        Raiders of the Lost Ark 736.                        The Game Changers 737.                        Downton Abbey 738.                        The Body Snatcher 739.                        The Lion King (2019) 740.                        Ad Astra 741.                        The Terminator 742.                        The Irishman 743.                        Frozen II 744.                        Our Dancing Daughters 745.                        The Castaway Cowboy 746.                        The Thin Man 747.                        Linda Ronstadt: The Sound of My Voice 748.                        Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker 749.                        Doctor Sleep 750.                        A Hidden Life 751.                        Bombshell 752.                        Fed Up 753.                        Miracle on 34th Street 754.                        Brittany Runs a Marathon

[janethepegasus]

So i saw Matpat’s latest video about shared universes (starting with Doom and somehow connecting it with Kingdom Hearts) and my crazy brain thought it would be a good idea to expand it even FURTHER all because he used Spider-Man to connect to Thanos in Fortnite (yes seriously)

So behold, all the shit i had to go through to make connections to everything i can find and think of

So since all Spider-Mans are in one multiverse, that means all versions of Spider-Man are canon, so let's look at two cases of alternate Spider-Mans. Theres the Japanese Spider-Man, which was created by Toei as a collab by Marvel, Toei also created Super Sentai, which has connections to Kamen Rider (Super Hero Taisen), Metal Hero (some crossover movies), and obviously Power Rangers. Power Rangers had a crossover with TMNT, which has connections to not only other versions of TMNT but also other series like Batman (basically the whole DC universe is involved), Archie, X-Files, Ghostbusters, Rabbids (they were an extra character in a fighting game, as like a promotion for the new game), and all the toons that showed up in Cartoon All-Stars, like the Smurfs, Alf, Garfield, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Winnie the Pooh (which is already tying back up to Kingdom Hearts), Muppet Babies, Looney Toons, and Ducktales.

Now Muppet Babies is part of the Muppet franchise, the Muppets are connected to Sesame Street, which opens up a can of worms for connections. Some characters cameoed in Between the Lions, Mr Rogers' Neighbor Hood, The Electric Company, Reading Rainbow, Poky Little Puppy, and a bunch of these characters appeared in a We are Family music video, which has *inhales* Bear in the Big Blue House, Barney, Arthur, The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, Rugrats, The Magic School Bus, SpongeBob SquarePants, Dora the Explorer, Blue's Room, Blue's Clues, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Kim Possible, The Proud Family, LazyTown, Lilo & Stitch: the Series, Madeline,Little Bill, The Fairly OddParents, Zoom, AND a whole bunch more shows.

Obviously Jimmy Neutron and Fairly Odd Parents had a crossover (three in fact), but those other shows had crossovers too, like Rugrats having a crossover with Wild Thornberrys, Lilo and Stitch had crossovers too, they had crossovers with The Proud Family, Kim Possible, Recess, and American Dragon Jake Long. Spongebob is connected to a lot of Nicktoons shows through the bumpers on the channel and had a major crossovers with Fairly Odd Parents, Danny Phantom, Jimmy Neutron, Tak, and Invader Zim in the Nicktoons Unite games.

Looney Toons is connected to all other Hanna Barbera property, which had crossovers as well (look at Scooby Doo and Tom and Jerry, they're LOADED with crossovers with other series), as for the Looney Toons cast themselves, examples include Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, Pokemon (in a commercial in Kids WB), The Justice League, Wild Kratts (Kinda? The two characters, Road Runner and Wild E. Coyote, were pretty much referenced as a way to say that real life coyotes can catch up to road runners), and The Amazing World of Gumball. And Pokemon had a crossover game with Nobunaga's Ambition called Pokemon Conquest. AND Ducktales is connected to Darkwing Duck and the same goes with the reboot.

Okay now back to where we started, Power Rangers had a crossover episode with Masked Rider, which is an adaptation of Kamen Rider Black RX, Kamen Rider had a FEW crossovers with other series, like Crayon Shin-chan, Pac-Man, Osomatsu-San, Hello Kitty, Pretty Cure, and a few others. Pretty Cure only had crossovers with itself but there is one pic floating around the internet showing one of the Cures standing in front of Arresterdramon Superior Mode, so it might hint to a commercial happening during that time. Hello Kitty has a ton of crossovers with different series, such as Sonic, Cookie Run, Pac-Man, Puzzles and Dragons, Doraemon, Yokai Watch, and several others. In Osomatsu-San Hesokuri Wars, they have costumes/sets of the six brothers being yokai, magical girls, monsters, angels, knights, super heroes, greek

gods, and others. Yokai is also connected to Yokai Watch, which has it's own crossovers with other series, like Final Fantasy, Terminator, Inazuma Eleven (which had commercials that crossed over with Despicable Me), The Seven Deadly Sins, Detective Conan, Hello Kitty (which brings this back to Hello Kitty and its crossovers), Inuyasha, Professor Layton, and several others. Professor Layton had a crossover game with Ace Attorney, which has many references and a small amount of crossovers.

Now let's move on to another Spider-Man, the one from Ultimate Spider-Man, obviously he's connected to the other Marvel shows that take place in that universe, but Spider-Man had crossover episodes/specials with Phineas and Ferb and Jessie, Jessie having connections with other Disney Sit-com shows like Austin and Ally, Good Luck Charlie, Liv and Maddie, and a few others, HOWEVER Mr. Moseby from the Suite Life of Zach and Cody appeared in one episode, which means that Jessie is in the same universe as That's So Raven, Hannah Montanna, Cory in the House (yeah yeah yeah, i can hear the anime memes from a mile away -_-), and Wizards of the Waverly Place. Phineas and Ferb also had crossover specials/episodes with Star Wars and Milo Murphy's Law, Star Wars has many crossovers and references in other shows, like the Muppets, Seasame Street, Captain N, Mario (in that old Mario cartoon episode where they parodied it), Putt-Putt, Megaman, Duke Nukem, Star Trek, Indiana Jones, Dragon Ball, Transformers, Metal Gear, Angry Birds, Lego, Club Penguin, and several others.

The Star Wars references were in Megaman V and Megaman Zero, sprites from Megaman Zero were used to create sprites of TV Tome Adventures, which then became TOME: Terrain of Magical Expertise and then it turned into the video game version of that show, the creator of the show, Kirbopher, did an animation related to Super Mario RPG, and had many voice roles like in Mob Psycho 100, Pokemon, and other series. Dragon Ball is the prequel of Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball Z Super made it clear that there's other universes so all of those are connected as well, and Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z had crossovers with other shows like One Piece, Dr Slump, Astro Boy, Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo, and a few others. Metal Gear had crossovers and references in Terminator, Gundam, Castlevania, Mario, Zelda, Ape Escape, Yugioh (which connects itself to the other seasons like GX, 5D's, Zexal, Arc-V, and Vrains), Monster Rancher, Yoshi, The Standley Parable (only in the demo), and several others. Transformers, since it's made by Hasbro, is also connected to other Hasbro property, such as My Little Pony (and Equestria Girls), and they had references to other series in both the show and in the IDW comics, like pony versions of Rick and Morty appearing in one episode, pony versions of characters from Sailor Moon, Gravity

Falls, Kill La Kill, Scooby Doo, Powerpuff Girls, Frozen, and few other shows and even pony versions of IRL people like Gordon Ramsey. Transformers had crossovers and references to other series as well such as G.I Joe, Doctor Who, Spider Man, Star Wars, Marvel, and several other shows, and apparently Jem, Inhumanoids, C.O.P.S, and Robotix takes place in the Transformers universe.

Angry Birds had crossovers with other series like Rio, Star Wars, Puzzles and Dragons, Transformers, Sonic, The Muppets, and many levels in their games make references to other series. Lego Dimensions is full of crossovers, like The A-Team, Adventure Time, Back to the Future, Beetlejuice, DC Comics, Doctor Who, E.T, Fantastic Beasts, Ghostbusters (both the original and the 2016 reboot), The Goonies, Gremlins, Harry Potter, Jurassic World, Knight Rider, Legends of Chima, other Lego property, Lord of the Rings, Midway Arcade, Mission: Impossible, Portal, Powerpuff Girls, Scooby-Doo, Simpsons, Sonic, Teen Titans Go!, and The Wizard of Oz. Speaking of The Simpsons, they had crossovers with other shows like Family Guy and Futurama, AND they cameoed appeared in South Park, and Family Guy is in the same universe as American Dad and The Cleveland Show. The Simpsons also had crossovers with The Critic, X-Files, King of the Hill, Robot Chicken, Bob's Burgers (which means it's also connected to the Archer Show), Rick and Morty, and several series get mentioned in the show itself. As for Sonic, he had a crossover comic series with Megaman, he had crossovers in the comics with Sabrina the Teenage Witch and DC (it was part of a Sonic Super Special comic but for some reason the Wikis won't tell me if it's generally DC or some part of it >:/ ), Sonic had levels in Sonic Lost World that were crossovers with NiGHTS, Legend of Zelda, and Yoshi's Wooly World, in Sonic Forces, there's DLC costumes that are based off of NiGHTS, Beat from Jet Set Radio, AiAi from Super Monkey Ball, and Joker from Persona 5. Sonic had crossover games with other SEGA series, but in Sonic Dash, they had events that had crossovers with Angry Birds, Hello Kitty, and Pac-Man. In one of the Vocaloid games, Miku had a costume that was a Sonic hoodie, to celebrate Sonic's anniversary, Vocaloid made many songs and some of these songs branch out into their own series, one of them being Black Rock Shooter, and i swear BRS was a guest character in some fighting game but i don't remember what the name was.

Okay, now let's head back to Marvel, one of the characters that's paired up with Spider-Man (except for the Movie universe) is Deadpool, and in one comic, he takes a girl to see Hamilton. In one of the Hamildrops, they did a crossover song which was a mix of Story of Tonight and You'll be Found from Dear Evan Hansen called "Found Tonight", one of the actors from Dear Evan Hansen is now playing the role of Jeremy in Be More Chill, and in the original 2015 performance of BMC, the actor who played Jenna also played Martha in Heathers, and Eric William Morris, who played Squip, also played Jordan in The Ballad of Little Jo. And since we're using actors to connect series...*inhales* Lin Manuel Miranda (who plays Alexander in Hamilton) also had roles in In The Heights, 21 Chump Street, Mary Poppins Returns, Ducktales Reboot, Do No Harm, Looking for Maria Sanchez, Sesame Street, House M.D, and a few others. Mary Poppins Returns is a sequel to the original Mary Poppins so they instantly connect, and i'm gonna make a crazy theory of House M.D taking place in the same city (or state) as Blue Bloods and Forever, both shows have characters played by Eric William Morris, who had roles in Trust, Greed, Bullets, and Bourbon, Royal Pains, As The World Turns, and few other small roles. But one of his current roles is Carl from King Kong Broadway, which is based off of King Kong, and King Kong had a crossover film with Godzilla, and there's a short film that had Ultraman and Kamen Rider (i think it was Godzilla?? It was a giant lizard thing :/). However, King Kong was the inspiration behind Donkey Kong, which now has connections to both Mario and Donkey Kong series. Donkey Kong had crossovers/references with Frogger, Pitfall, Qubert, Mickey (from Disney), Punch Out, Mother, Earthworm Jim, Kirby, Crash Bandicoot, Banjo Kazooie, Pokemon, Animal Crossing, Scott Pilgrim, The Fast and the Furious, Class of 3000, Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!, Big Bang Theory, Metroid, Pushmo, Minecraft, Gravity Falls, Wreck It Ralph, Pixels, Skylanders, several others, and had japanese exclusive songs in Donkey Konga that had songs from Super Sentai, Pretty Cure, Pikmin, Naruto, Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo, Fullmetal Alchemist, Dragon Ball Z, Star Fox, Fire Emblem, Kid Icarus, Ice Climbers, and several others.

Minecraft had a Super Mario texture pack in the Switch version of Minecraft, plus a Steven Universe texture pack as well, there are console exclusive skins based off of characters from Gears of War, Halo, Banjo-Kazooie, Dust, Tony Hawk, Left 4 Dead, Boarderlands, Conker, Half-Life, Portal, Assassin's Creed, Mass Effect, and several other shows. Steve from Minecraft can be an unlockable character in games like Super Meat Boy, Choplifter, Retro City Rampage, and Creepers can be found in Blocks that Matter, Boarderlands, Torchlight, and Minecraft is refernced in Adventure Time, Octodad, The Stanley Parable, Skyrim, and South Park. And since Minecraft has Halo skins, this ties into Red VS Blue, a show that uses assets from the Halo series. And Red VS Blue appeared in a promotional video alongside the main cast of RWBY. Mother (or Earthbound) is the inspiration for Undertale, which had a sequel called Deltarune, and in one of the locations in Deltarune is a place called "Ice-E's Pezza", and Burgerpants mentions a guy named "Purple Guy" which is a reference to Purple Guy from Five Nights at Freddies. Crash Bandicoot had two crossover games with Spyro the Dragon and had references in Uncharted, Futurama, Johnny Test, Family Guy, Jimmy Neutron, The Country Bears, Jak and Daxter, Friends, The Simpsons, Tomb Raider, and several others. And Mickey is one of the characters in Kingdom Hearts, so now we come in full circle with Matpat's theory.

So started with Spider-man (well two versions of Spider-man) and ended it with Mickey, i'm sure there's other series out there that i forgot to bring up but eh, this is long enough :/

[nutbrain]

Anniversary Pranks

I’ve fallen for @kiruuuuu ‘s lovely recruits and couldn’t help but write about them. If you haven’t read any of their stories, I would highly recommend it! Happy (very) belated birthday, you kind soul! (~5k words)

               Safety in numbers was a very real concept for the group of five recruits, but sometimes it was a necessity to separate in order to throw off a more imminent threat. Case in point, after filling a certain CBRN agent’s suit with Jello, they’d to scattered to avoid a furious Lion. Earlier that morning, Shay had wanted to know if the Frenchman’s protective gear would be a good mold to make a Jello person. Why he was wondering about this during their grueling workout, no one knew, but Mute had pushed them hard that day, his sour mood spilling over into their training regimen and they were all ready for a break. Valenti had been more than happy to devise a plan to help them wind down, stacking boxes and shelving to prop the suit up as they poured bowl after bowl of the substance in. Eventually, they got bored of making trips between the bathroom sink and their rig and decided to take a different course of action. Filling it up with a water hose while Gian and Shay dumped in Jello packets as fast as they could turned out to be much more satisfying. After waiting for it to set up, Ivan had just been ready to cut their creation free when Lion and Doc had walked into the storeroom, arguing. The five froze as the operators took in the sight in front of them.

               “Is that…my suit?” Lion was processing what was happening, face screwed up in confusion while Doc was biting his lip to avoid laughing. Fully grasping what was going on, Lion’s face rapidly reddened and Jojo broke them out of their trance.

               “SCATTER!” the German shouted, scrabbling off the shelving unit. Valenti shrieked as he smashed into Ivan, who threw him over his shoulder and took off towards the door on the other end of the room. Gian and Shay were panicking as Jojo pushed passed them, moving towards the second exit at top speeds. Out of options as Lion descended upon them, they danced back and forth around the rig they’d McGyvered. Doc refused to help, instead sipping his coffee as he watched with poorly concealed glee. Lion had nearly caught the two stragglers as they reversed too late, but he slipped on some of the gelatin that had congealed on the floor. At this, Doc could no longer contain himself, laughter flowing freely as his coffee sloshed over the lip of his cup. Gian and Shay made eye contact and beat a quick retreat through the door that the two ops had come in from, breaking in opposite directions once they got out into the hall, Lion’s outraged shouts reverberating after them.

               Sprinting as fast as he could, Shay eventually slowed down when he got closer to the SAS living quarters, anxious not to alert any of the SAS ops that they were in trouble. Looking at his stained red hands, he stuffed them into his pockets and attempted to act as nonchalant as possible. Down the hall was the meeting area assigned in their escape plan, and he just hoped that the others had avoided Lion’s wrath.

               Before he could reach his destination, Shay caught movement out of the corner of his eye, and was soon pressed against the wall, hand covering his mouth. Thinking at first it was Lion, Shay panicked before he realized that the person who had jumped him was in fact Smoke, impish glee written on his face. Shay froze, realizing that this situation was no better, eyes wide as he looked down at the op; the Irishman may have the height advantage, but Smoke could take him in an instant. Doing the most grade school thing he could think of, he licked the op’s hand; it tasted disgusting, but Smoke pulled his arm back with a horrified expression and Shay started shrieking, sure that he was going to die.

               “What are ya, six? Who does that? Stop screechin’ ya muppet.” He lightly slapped Shay to get his attention and looked down the hall towards the other doors, relieved when none of them opened. Smoke turned back to Shay with an exasperated look. He drew back a little to start speaking again, when he was assaulted from behind, Jojo hanging onto his back like a spider monkey.

               “Save yourself Shay! Go!” Despite his strong urge for self-perseveration, when it came to Shay, Jojo couldn’t help himself. He’d been taking the long way around when he spotted Shay pressed against the wall and screaming; protective instincts kicking in and against his better judgement, Jojo had run to Shay’s aid.  

              With Jojo tugging on his neck, Smoke stumbled back under the extra weight before jerking forward to correct himself. Shay started to move, but in his haste, he caught his foot on Smoke’s and was sent sprawling to the ground. Smoke, now with a better idea of what was happening, tugged the German off and flipped him over his shoulder and onto the ground.

               “What is wrong with you lot? Bunch of bloody loons.” Jojo and Shay groaned from their place on the floor. Faced with two of them now, Smoke was suddenly less sure of himself as the others were bound to be somewhere close. While he was more than capable of taking one or two of them, grouped up, it was like a family of meerkats fighting of a snake; except David Attenborough wasn’t narrating and the rest of the SAS had razzed him for weeks after the last time he’d attempted to screw with the five. He glanced towards the other doors in the hallways before helping them to their feet, the two looking anxiously at each other.

               “I hate saying this, but I need your little group to help me out with somethin’. Let’s go somewhere a little more discreet though.�� Still shaky, the two nodded numbly, “I’d ask why it looks like you’re fleein’ a murder scene, but I don’t want ta’ know.”

~~

              In short order, the group had reconvened in their quarters, Smoke promising not to rat their location out to Lion. The SAS op sat on Gian’s bed while the recruits crammed into Ivan’s bunk, looking suspiciously at the other man. A few moments of silence followed as they all stared. Smoke waited for a bit, but growing tired of having five pairs of eyes bore into him, Smoke finally had enough and broke the silence.

              “You’re a weird lot, ya know that?” At this they shrugged. It certainly wasn’t the first time they’d been told and it probably wouldn’t be the last. Valenti, who was sitting in the back of the group much to his dismay, puffed up indignantly.

              “What do you want?”

              “I need you to keep Mute distracted until five,” receiving only weird looks, Smoke reckoned that he best explain a bit. “It’s our anniversary weekend, and with him having a busted ankle, he won’t bugger off so I can get things done. I need time ta’ put things together without him knowin’, ya know?”

              “Oh, that’s neat! You two celebrate your friendiversary? We should do that!” Smoke squinted at Shay, trying to discern if he was being made fun of or if Shay really was that dense.

              “Why don’t you just tell him you have errands to run in town?” Smoke looked over at the mop of red hair that had spoken and shook his head.

              “That’d work for all of the five minutes it took him ta’ hack my phone’s account and activate the tracking software. If I leave it behind, he’s even more suspicious. He has ta’ be so distracted he doesn’t even think ta’ look into my whereabouts. Pester him, get him flustered, distract him, anything. Well, don’t kill ‘er injure him, but ya get the idea.” The group still looked unsure, so he pulled out his trump card.

              “Listen, you muppets. This is stuff you do regardless, I just need ya ta’ redirect a little. If ya don’t agree, I ask someone else ta’ help and you get blamed regardless, so ya may as well have the satisfaction of actually doing it.” Outraged, Jojo flat out refused before Gian pulled them in for a group huddle. Smoke sat kicking his feet as they loudly whispered and argued. He hoped they agreed, because he really didn’t trust Bandit not to kill Mute in a prank if he was given free reign. He wanted him distracted, not scarred for life. After a bit, the group finally turned back to him, apparently reaching a decision.

              “Alright, we’ll do it. But we want you to make sure Mute doesn’t kill us in our sleep and you have to not snitch the next time we sneak out of training.” Valenti stuck out his hand after he presented their terms. The reach between Shay and Gian was unavoidably awkward, but they had refused to switch seats with him, arguing that he was the only one short enough to sit comfortably in the back. Smoke nodded, shaking Valenti’s hand before slipping out of the room with one last suspicious look at Shay.

              “No killing, preferably no injuries. 5 PM. That can’t be so hard. It’s already noon!” Ivan rolled his eyes at Shay’s optimism, knowing nothing was ever that easy.

              The planning stage, as usual, was elaborate. Valenti talked animatedly as he worked through a variety of plans that they could execute to keep the SAS operative distracted for the day. Smoke had given them a lot of leeway and Valenti was doing his best to take advantage of that. The first plan they finally settled on was suggested by Ivan after several increasingly outlandish ideas from the Frenchman.

              “We turn off wifi. Have to go back and forth to turn back on.” Ivan said as he paused his workout. Valenti stood for a minute, trying to find some reason why his earlier plan of filling Mute’s shoes with custard would be a better option. Facing four against one as the others poked holes in the custard plan, Valenti chose instead to spin the plan so that it was his own.

              “Unplugging it is too risky. I think we turn off the router.”

              “That what I-“

              “It’s alright Ivan, I’ll take it from here.” The Russian man rolled his eyes and went back to his push-ups while Valenti devised a plan and exit strategies. The operation hinged on Mute being somewhere close to a router, but Ivan assured them that the Brit was always in the workshop at this time, which was a cellular dead zone. That settled, they went got down to business. Ivan would set up in the workshop, sitting across the room from Mute so that he could keep an eye out and let the others know when the Brit was back in room. Jojo would be stationed with Shay in the router room, while Gian and Valenti watched the hallway cameras. Jojo had wanted to have someone to keep lookout down the side halls, but with a roaming Lion, they couldn’t risk being exposed and having their plan foiled. That part settled, Smoke had begrudgingly passed off his keys to the camera room.

~

               Mute was not having a good day. Not only was he benched after spraining his ankle (three ligaments torn along with his syndesmosis meant that he would be out for a good while), but Smoke kept disappearing for lengths of time this last week and Mute did not appreciate it.

              The mission Mute rolled his ankle on was one Lion had been in charge of and the two still hadn’t set their pride aside to sort it out. Smoke nearly brought the two groups to blows (again) after Lion offhandedly remarked that he should have left Mute behind for his negligence. After they had left the debrief, Mute was upset that Smoke had stepped in, leading to a loud argument and some hurtful things being said from both sides. Ever since, Smoke had been dodgy, never hanging around for more than an hour or two. Mute tried to apologize several times, but it was waved off. Smoke said it was nothing, despite how much tension Mute felt there was. To top it all off, Mute abhorred hobbling around on crutches, the boot overly cumbersome. It was only the threat of Doc that forced him to use the equipment.

              Having Smoke around at least provided a distraction from the constant ache, yet once again he was MIA Mute thought as he jabbed a screwdriver into his device. In his frustration, he missed the screw three times before huffing and looking around the room. It was just him at the SAS work area, Thatcher and Sledge out on missions, and the only other two present were Fuze and the Spetsnaz recruit, Ivan.

              Mute frowned at the latter’s presence, knowing he didn’t have any sort of gadget to work on, until he saw the coloring book that was placed in front of him. It was the advanced version that Sledge had gifted him along with some colored pencils after he’d made his way through the ones from Thatcher. Knowing who he was generally surrounded by, he didn’t blame the man for retreating here to be in peace. Turning back to his work, he was still couldn’t get the screw undone, so Mute changed tactics and pulled out his phone to do a quick browse of the internet and maybe check to see where Smoke was at. He frowned when the browser displayed that he was unable to connect to the internet. Refreshing didn’t accomplish anything and neither did delving into his settings.

              “Fuze, are you getting Wi-Fi in here?” The Uzbek turned around and gave him an irritated look before shrugging and turning back around. Wonderful. “Ivan, what about you?” The Russian pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped the screen a couple times before shaking his head.

              “Ugh. Would you mind resetting the router? I don’t feel like limping down there.”

              “Don’t know how.”

              “You…don’t know how to reset a router? Do they not have internet in Russia?” Ivan shook his head at the former, Fuze fixing him with a stink eye. “Well, I’m going to go reset the router then.” Huffing, Mute hauled himself up, positioned the crutches under his arm and hobbled down the hall. Reaching router room, he flicked on the light and stared at the device. For some reason it was turned off, so Mute rectified the situation before rechecking the connection on his phone. Satisfied, he limped back to the workshop and double checked that the connection still worked. He’d started fiddling with his jammer again when he realized he forgot to actually google what he wanted and turned to his phone.

              ‘Browser cannot open the page because your phone is not connected to the internet.’ It displayed. Mute blinked a few times at the page. He looked over at Ivan and Fuze and then back at his device. With an irritated sigh, Mute made another trip with the same procedure and the same result five minutes later. Two more trips down the hall and Mute was exhausted.

              “Have considered checking connection while in room?” Fuze turned around to ask, irate that the usually quiet Mute was making so much noise with is ups and downs. Glaring, Mute dropped his crutches and sat back in his chair, determined to find the exact moment that the Wi-Fi went down. Seeing no results so far, he switched over to his texts and shot Smoke a message.

              ‘R u out?’

              ‘Ya, y?’

              ‘I need u to buy a new router. This one’s shite.’

              Left on read with no reply, Mute double check the Wi-Fi connection and once again it was out. He smacked his head on the desk in front of him and Fuze turned around to glare. While Mute didn’t need the connection to work on his jammer, the fact that he didn’t have it presented a challenge. Glancing at Ivan, he noticed that every so often he would send of a text. Come to think of it, Ivan texted slightly after he got back and slightly before the router went out. Suspicious now, Mute wondered where the other four recruits had gotten off to.

              With renewed purpose, Mute made the trip back to the router room and fixed the Wi-fi. However this time, he waited just outside the door, listening closely for movement. A soft vibration could be heard through the door followed by a rustling movement.

              “Is he back yet?”

              “No it says ‘Stay still, he’s outside the door.’ Oh…”

              Mute swung open the door and flicked the light on, catching the Irishman and German coming out of the cabinets, looking for all the world like deer caught in the headlights.

              “What do you two think you’re doing?”

              “Just checking the router. It keeps going out for some reason. We were trying to see if someone was turning it off.” Jojo shrugged nonchalantly as Shay nodded so hard Mute was sure he’d give himself a concussion.

              “Uh huh. So you decided to hide in the cabinet?” Nods. “And you didn’t tell anyone else you were having connection issues?” More nods. “And you knew when I was gone because Ivan kept texting you from the workshop?” They nodded before realizing their mistake and violently shook their heads. Mute advanced towards the two. He didn’t look nearly as menacing with the crutches, but his expression made up for it. Shay clutched Jojo as Mute got closer.

              Looking around, Jojo’s gaze settled on the router and he his eyes flicked between it and Mute.

              “No, leave that alone.” Jojo made his move before Mute could grab him, ripping the device out of the wall and hurling it at the Brit.

               “What the-? What are you doing?” As he covered his head to protect himself from the router assault, he had to let go of one crutch. Fighting like a cornered animal, Jojo knocked Mute’s other crutch out from underneath him, which unbalanced him and sent him toppling to the floor. Grabbing Shay’s sleeve, Jojo gave the downed operator a wide berth as they beat a quick retreat.

Mute laid on the floor for a moment, staring at the ceiling and wondering what his life had come to. He stayed like that for a minute before a shadow filled the doorway.

               “Wi-Fi is out. You fixing?” Fuze asked, brandishing his phone and pointing to the screen. Mute let out an exasperated sigh and put his head back on the floor.

~

               “Alright, that was close. Now we need another plan because you two couldn’t sit still for five minutes.” Valenti glared down at Jojo and Shay, the former who had just finished his rant about how they’d nearly died on behalf of Smoke of all people. “Honestly though, I should have known better. Ivan’s ideas don’t ever seem to work out properly.”

               “Oh, now it my plan?” Ivan asked before Valenti waved him off.

               “We need to brainstorm. We have another two hours to keep Mute distracted so we don’t have two angry SAS operatives after us.”

               “We steal his keys and phone. He can’t get back into his room that way and has to retrace his steps,” Shay piped up, “Happens to me all the time.”

They looked at each other and nodded. This would work. One problem:

               “How do we get it? He won’t trust any of us to get close enough now.” Gian looked expectantly at Valenti.

               “We distract him so that he doesn’t notice Ivan swipe it.” Back to the drawing board, Valenti was quick to brainstorm and distributed tasks.

~

               Mute’s ankle was killing him. All the walking back and forth to the router and the fall to the floor had done a number on his leg and his pride. The stairs up from the workshop were a time-consuming task, and Mute wanted nothing more than to lay down on his bed and call Smoke to complain. He was already crafting ways to get even when he turned the corner of the hallway and was confronted with a red blob in the middle of the corridor.

               Confused and suspicious, he slowly approached. The thing, whatever it was, was vaguely in the shape of a person and appeared to be leaking some sort of red liquid as it sat. Mute hesitantly poked it with his crutch, watching the ripples course through the structure.

               “Is that…Jello?” He leaned in to get a better look and was met with the faint smell of cherries. Confused he looked around, certain that this was some sort of trap. The hall appeared empty, but the closed doors belonging to the GIGN did nothing to alleviate his concerns. Mute started to pick his way around the Jello humanoid, watching his surroundings carefully. Something that sounded like an airhorn went off behind him. As he startled and turned around, a triumphant Valenti popped around the corner before he heard two rappelling lines sound from behind him. Spinning back around to look, he lost his balance, nearly toppling into the Jello. Mute had about caught himself when he was bumped from behind. Landing face first into the cherry Jello, Mute spluttered and looked up to see Gian and Jojo unhooking from their lines as Valenti and Ivan sprinted passed him. Mute narrowly missed grabbing their ankles, hand slick from the Jello water. Scrabbling to escape, the four headed for Shay who had popped his head around the corner and motioned them all on.

               As if lying in a blob of Jello couldn’t be worse, he heard the door next to him open up.

               “Are you alright?” Still laying on the floor he turned his head and looked up to see a very confused Blitz and Rook poking their heads out.

               “Just dandy. Figured I’d take a nap here.” Mute fought the urge to smash face back into the Jello, briefly wondering if he should just play dead; it’s not like Smoke was would care if he just disappeared and started a whole other life where his coworkers hadn’t discovered him face down in Jello. The two operators put an end to that line of thought as they carefully hauled him up and set him on his feet. Despite his attempts to leave, Rook drug him into the room to at least get some of the goop out of his hair before it dried. Thanking the two for their help, he set off back down the hall and finally made it to his room. He reached into his pocket to grab his keys, only to find nothing there. Thinking he may have put them in the other pocket, he felt around before realizing both is keys and phone had gone missing, likely lifted during all the commotion. Mute thumped his forehead on the wall, leaving behind a bright red stain.

~

               “Now that we have these, we need to make sure to stay out of the everyone’s way.” Valenti was in an insufferably good mood now that his most recent plan had worked out.

               “Well, if we go back to safe spot, we risk him tracking the phone and finding out.” Jojo was holding Mute’s phone reverently, nervous still of the last time that he’d bricked Thermite’s phone. Gian noted it’d be better if they go to a place no one expected them to ever be.

               “We head to the training grounds and hide in the obstacle course. Who’s going to look for us there?” Deciding this was the best plan, they started to navigate their way out of the building. As they were walking through the living room, Shay heard footsteps approaching from one of the hallways and motioned anxiously towards the door.

               “Someone’s coming. Hide!” Jojo hissed as they all dashed to different corners of the room. The five barely managed to get to cover just in time. The door opened and Lion and Doc walked through.

               “I’m giving you another hour before I go back to paper work. I do have things to get done today, Flament.” Doc still had his coffee cup from earlier as he reluctantly trailed behind Lion.

               “You’re giving me the whole day, Kateb. You were the one that let them sprint past because you couldn’t keep it together for five minutes. For all I know, you gave them the idea,” Gian held his breath as the two walked past the table he was poorly concealed under. Luckily for him, their squabbling distracted the two enough not notice, and their raised voices gave the recruits a good idea of when they made their way out of the area.

               “That was close call guys. We need to proceed with caution. I think we should cut through the infirmary and bail out the windows. That would save us some time.” Valenti looked around for objections.

               “Window too small. We get stuck.”

               “We’ll make it work, you’re not that big Ivan. Let’s get going.” Gian said as he took off towards the infirmary, the others following close behind. Ivan made an attempt to take an alternate route, but Valenti latched onto his hand and pulled him with the group. The big Russian’s face turned pink and he allowed himself to be tugged along.

~

               “See, told you window small.” They stood in the infirmary, looking at the tiny window. Valenti glared and turned to say something when the doors were pushed open violently, and a very stained and irate Mute speed crutched in.

               “Phone. Keys. Now.” They glanced at each other and the window, then back at Mute. Everyone turned to look at Ivan, who shook his head. Jojo glared and gestured wildly towards Mute, who stood there watching the entire exchange, irritation fading into deep confusion. Finally, Ivan rolled his eyes and started walking forward towards Mute, with the others following close behind him. Not liking the expression on their faces, Mute realized he should have grabbed back up.

               “Oh no. No you don’t.” Mute attempted to step away, but ran into a bed behind him. Not listening, Ivan grabbed the injured op and hefted him over his shoulders in a practiced motion. Shocked, Mute allowed the crutches to clattered to the ground for the third time that day. Shay leaned down and plucked them off the floor and before he set them on the bed. Walking to another bed, Ivan deposited Mute on the mattress.

               “No move. Stay.” Mute briefly considered just lunging and doing as much damage as possible, but knew he wouldn’t get far. He was very much done with all of these recruits and at this point just wanted to nurse his broken pride. An alarm sounded in the five recruits’ pockets. Smiling proudly, Gian produced Mute’s keys while Jojo took his phone out and set them both next to the crutches. Perplexed, Mute watched them silently communicate through looks and gestures.

               “Alright, whatever you’re up to, at least tell my why you’ve had it out for me all day. Feelin’ petty after I made you run those extra laps?” He fixed Shay with a glare, well aware that he was the weakest link.

               “We’re helping Smoke keep you distracted so he can plan your guys’ friendiversary!” Shay shared jubilantly. The others hushed him, but the damage was done.

               “He’s planning our what-?” The doors opened again, cutting him off.

               “No Flament, I am done helping you chase them down. I have work to do and I- Oh.” Doc stopped but Lion continued on and bumped into him, earning an irritated glare. Finally looking up, Lion’s expression morphed into a predatory one as he stalked forward. Mute hopped up and grabbed his crutches and belongings. Now trapped on two sides, the group of five backed up. Doc stood by to door, uninterested in joining in.

              Lion looked smug as he glanced around and saw that they were trapped. Before pouncing on the recruits, he turned to Mute, raising an eyebrow at him and his crutches.

               “I’d ask you where Smoke is, but I imagine he’s currently attempting to screw whatever living thing he can lure into his clutches.” The five recruits shared a horrified look with Doc before they all turned back to Mute. The young SAS operative looked absolutely livid. That was the last straw on the camel’s back of Mute’s already atrocious day.

               “You smarmy French son of…” One of his crutches was launched at Lion who barely dodged, not having enough time to recover before Mute crashed into him with an outraged battle cry. “You think you have the right?” and “Your boyfriend is a man whore” could be heard over the garbled grunts and shouts. Doc stood there blinking for a moment before he sighed and looked over at the five, motioning towards the door. They stood still, entranced by the two ops rolling around on the floor. Ivan was the first to move, tugging Valenti in the direction of the exit. Valenti latched onto Jojo and soon enough Ivan was pulling the rest of the recruits along like they were Monkeys in a Barrel. Shay, who was last out, watch as Doc finally moved to break the two up after Lion took a dirty shot into Mute’s sprained ankle, causing the Brit to yelp and swear.

~

               Altogether it had been a job (somewhat) well done. Mute was gracious enough after Ivan replaced the router to not tell Smoke that they’d let their true purpose slip. Any irritation Smoke had over them tripping Mute so many times was quickly squashed once he heard about the fight between him and Lion. Doc, who was still feeling vindictive over having his time wasted, ratted Lion out to Montagne, who gave him a long lecture (‘I’m not angry, just disappointed’) and forced him to let the recruits be.

               While they could now add their names to Lion’s blacklist, Smoke was a man of his word. When they snuck away from training, he waved cheerfully and let them go (Thatcher was not pleased when he found out). Rather than risk their luck with another prank, Gian talked them into ordering pizza and camping out in their hiding spot, laughing together at their close calls and discussing their next target.