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Right again • Tom Riddle x f!reader
Requested: No
Pairing: Tom Riddle x f!reader (+ SPOILER x f!reader)
Summary: Tom, who always thought relationships were meaningless, changed his mind when he met y/n. He plans on telling her how he feels, however, it doesn't go as planned, and he finds himself to be right - again.
Word count: 1.1K
Warnings: Fluff; angst; English is not my first language.
A/N: It wasn't supposed to be this long lmao. I will write the same plot with Mattheo, Draco, Lorenzo and Theo in the future - hopefully with a better title lol. PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET THIS FLOP OR YOU WON'T SEE ME ON HERE AGAIN LOL. Comments and feedback are always appreciated. Sorry for the typos. Hope you enjoy it! xx
Tag list: @helendeath @im-jesus @wolfyychan @blocked-zombieartist
Tom Riddle was in his dorm, one of the only places in Hogwarts where he could be by himself, and where he could be doing the things he enjoyed the most - studying and reading, both in silence. But, despite being currently sitting on his desk - always perfectly arranged -, he was not currently reading a book or studying. Instead, he was doing something he never thought he would do and was feeling something he never thought he would feel: thinking about a girl, and being nervous about a girl.
Contrary to Mattheo and his friends, Tom has never cared for relationships - he could barely bear being around Mattheo’s friends if serious, meaningful discussions or activities weren’t involved. Sure, he cared for Mattheo, more than he cared to admit, because they were of the same blood. And for Tom, blood was one of the things that mattered the most, alongside loyalty, knowledge and influence.
And y/n.
Tom had always thought Mattheo was the only person he could ever care for - after all, they needed to have some sort of loyalty towards each other if they wanted to have a chance to fight their father - but, just like he was surprised to learn he did not want to follow his father in his quest for tyranny, Tom was surprised to find himself caring for y/n.
Just like he had never cared for friendship, Tom had never cared for love. He did not think it was a weakness as his father did, but he did think it was not as important as people made it out to be. And, also, why care for love when something terrible, something that would likely cost lives was being prepared?
But then again, y/n challenged that idea. Despite being in the same house and the same year, it took Tom several years to properly notice her. He knew she was one of Mattheo’s close friends outside of his usual group, and that gave them occasions to spend time together. Strangely, Tom had first found her company more tolerable than the others - she seemed to understand his will for silence, deep conversations and his interests, seemed to have the same thirst for knowledge. She was kind as well, having what people called “a heart of gold”, always ready to help anybody in need. She was also warm and funny, two things she shared with Mattheo, and it usually didn’t take people enough to want to be her friend. Tom had considered y/n the closest thing he had to a friend, and he thought he would stay that way until, one day, he saw her and Mattheo sitting closer to each other than usual, and he felt something strange, something he didn’t expect to feel, and something he struggled to understand - jealousy. He didn’t think it was that at first, but it became obvious it indeed was jealousy when he found himself wishing that he was the one sitting next to her, and not Mattheo.
From that moment, he kept thinking about y/n in ways he had never done before - how beautiful she was, how he loved her smile, how he wanted to hold her hand, to smell her addictive perfume, to be the person who mattered most to her… how he wanted to hold and kiss her. He had considered those thoughts as foolish at first and tried to not have them, but everytime he was with y/n, they came back running, and he sometimes had to restrain himself from sitting closer to her just to smell her perfume when they were in class, or to hold her hand when they were studying in the library. He didn’t have anybody to ask questions to - Mattheo would laugh at him - so, like he always did, Tom gave himself the answer: it was love. At first, he thought it was only temporary and it didn’t even cross his mind to tell her about it, but he was forced to admit that, instead of disappearing, those feelings became stronger with each day passing. The idea displeased him, and he tried to avoid y/n so these feelings would go away, but it was in vain, and only made him miss y/n - and made him love her more. But one day, as he was sitting on his desk busy thinking about her instead of studying, the idea of just telling her how he felt seemed right. Of course, the idea of rejection secretly terrified him, but he would accept simply being her friend. y/n deserved a loyal, sincere friend and that is what Tom was. All she had to do was give him a chance he could be the boyfriend - the word seemed so meaningless compared to what he felt - she deserved, a boyfriend who would be loyal, caring, sincere, and who would put her and her needs and safety first.
Thus, he got her favorite flowers, and, having thought about what to say to her for hours, decided to go and ask her to have a moment of her time. And now the time had come. He grabbed the bouquet, and, trying to pull himself together, left his dorm. At that hour, y/n should be in the common room. With a bit of luck, she would be alone. Tom headed for the common room, which was nearly empty except for two first years laughing. He started looking for y/n, and his heart, which had started to beat faster with nervosity and hope, almost broke.
y/n was indeed here, standing in a corner of the room - kissing Mattheo, who had a hand on her waist and the other in her hair. He broke the kiss, looked at her in a way Tom had never seen him and y/n had a smile before Mattheo pressed his lips on hers like he couldn’t help it.
Tom took a step back, and the only thing that stopped him from dropping the bouquet was the noise he knew it would make. He turned around and quickly yet silently went back to his dorm - where the flowers finally met the ground. His back against the door, he almost wanted to laugh now. How could he have been so foolish? It should have been obvious to him from the start that y/n, warm and kind y/n, would prefere Mattheo, Mattheo would everybody loved or at least fond of, who had no problems making friends and be with people, Mattheo who had never been anything like their father. Mattheo, who people didn’t intimidate or rightfully found cold and strange.
You’ve won, brother.
As always, Tom Riddle found he had been right. Love was meaningless, and he should never have cared for it - should have never cared for her - in the first place.
He was right, but for the first time in his life, he wished he wasn’t.
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Saw your tags and YES OFC. I love your art style, and im honored you made the choice to follow me. I was SHOCKED
Thank you!!! I really love the ideas you’re playing with and I’m looking forward to seeing where you take them!
Regarding my own ideas … y’know how I said I’ve already got a number of Four Swords AUs projects to complete and that this would be something to get around to eventually? Well, my brain decided to ignore all of those:
For those not in the know, demon-nayra shared an awesome idea earlier this week that essentially boils down to Vio, Red, and Blue being directly tied to the Four Sword and being the same characters in both Four Swords games (this is demon-nayra’s original post about it). My brain grabbed the idea with both hands and ran head-first into another AU, which I’m going to call “Goddesses AU”.
In the Goddess AU, Green is Link, Hylia’s chosen hero. Vio, Red, and Blue’s spirits have been tied to the Four Sword by the Golden Three, so when the Four Sword is drawn, they’re released to assist Hylia’s chosen hero. Each of them is tied to one of the Golden Goddesses: Vio to Farore; Red to Din; and Blue to Nayru (I recognise the irony of Blue being tied to the Goddess of Wisdom, but I think it’s really, really funny). Whether they were created by the Goddesses or whether they were regular Hylians once is unknown—all they know is that when they defeat Vaati for good, they’ll be released to live out the rest of their lives like regular Hylians.
Back during FS (as opposed to FSA), they assumed they would be released once this particular adventure was completed, and were making preparations accordingly—Vio was setting up to study and research, while Red got engaged. Blue didn’t have any particular plans, but would have been happy to travel. An amount of their character development happens during this adventure. At the end, however, instead of being released, they were locked back into the Four Sword again.
When FSA occurs, they’ve been locked in the Four Sword for centuries, but for them it’s only been the blink of an eye. They emerge, and at first they mistake the new hero for the previous Green. Then they realise what’s happened. Red especially is deeply distraught—not at anyone in particular, but grieves losing a person he loved and had prepared to spend the rest of his life with. Vio and Blue both get a bit protective of him, in their own ways: Vio tries to distract him, while Blue tries to fend off anyone or anything that might hurt him further (physically AND emotionally) and argues with the Goddesses. The new hero (who gains the name Green) has no idea what’s going on and tries to get everyone to focus on the task at hand.
Idk how much of this I’ll write, but I had a lot of fun redesigning the characters! (Not convinced by Vio though …) Regarding the designs, I drew inspiration from Din and Nayru in the Oracle games for Red and Blue. I really like the parallel of the Goddesses having stand-ins in at least two of the timelines, so using concepts and symbols from Din and Nayru’s designs felt like a good approach. I’m also very tempted to say that Red’s a good dancer and that Blue plays the harp (when nobody is listening, of course).
#four swords#goddesses au#kalh answers#I think that’s all I had to say about it? for now? I kinda wanted to draft a little bit of the story#but we’re doing board games with friends and I didn’t bring my laptop#(and I’m impatient and want to share this)
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OMG IT'S ALONG THE RIVER DURING THE QINGMING FESTIVAL!!!! MY BEST FRIEND ALONG THE RIVER DURING THE QINGMING FESTIVAL!!!! YEAH!!!!
ahh i should be studying rn but i can't resist a good info dump, strap in guys lets talk about Where's Wally; Song Dynasty Edition.
the qingming is a festival of death and rememberance, but the scroll depicts life in all it's vivacity, with merchants leading camel trains, fishermen in their boathouses, people eating and chatting in wine houses, and gentlemen on fine horses. come what may, life always finds a way to go on. there's something so relatable about this 11--12th century painting. whenever i see it im reminded of the saying "the heavens may change but the people don't." HERE ARE SOME OF MY FAVOURITE PARTS
1# sailors hurrying to lower the mast and almost crashing into the bridge, while the rubberneckers on the bridge point and stare.
#2 do you see the women? look closer.
haha trick question! they're inside the sedan chairs (the number of carriers correlates to status, a very important woman would have four, or six carriers). high ranking women were not suppose to be seen out of doors, in the original 5 meter long picture only 20 women were depicted, and they were mostly women of low rank. i think this is a great encapsulation of the role of women throughout history in many parts of the world. they are ever-present but made invisible. from an artistic standpoint, this is excellent enviromental storytelling, what is not depicted is as important as what is depicted.
ok now we're waaay out in the stixs, this woman on a donkey is getting married and this is her husband or father. it's extremely improper for women to walk to their husband's house, they have to be carried. she is low ranking and can't afford a sedan.
#3 god i can't for the life of me remember what this scaffolding is for. it might just be a temporary festival structure. but look how intricate it is!
heron spotted!!!!!
#4 man this boathouse looks SO sweet i want to live there. the woman looking out of the window is such a mood.
some scholars have debated that the title "qingming" doesn't actually refer to the festival, and instead refers to the to a han dynasty text about an illustrious "bright and clear" dynasty (used ironically, because the Song ended up falling to the Yuan) and this painting is actually cutting satire depicting social decline e.g. the lazy guards and unguarded gates. personally, I feel like the painting is almost overly idyllic. there's no crime or conflict, even the peasant's run-down houses have a rustic charm, in harmony with the crooked pine trees surrounding them, like they're a feature of the landscape rather than an eyesore. everyday labourers are depicted with such pathos and detail, it's hard to believe we're looking at the world through the eyes of a misanthrope. there is one particular image that sticks with me, and it's a courier who has put down his shoulder pole and is taking off his sweaty shirt.
click the link boy!
i think along the river during qingming festival deserves AT LEAST as much of a fandom as bbc sherlock. there’s so much there, tons of material for fanfic. just imagine what we could have
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hey, are you listening to me? / silverstream x graystripe
#my art#do not copy trace or steal#silverstream#graystripe#mistyfoot#fireheart#mistystar#firestar#warriors#warrior cats#wc#wc art#waca#H.HI. HI.#to quote myself earlier because theres no other way to explain it i feel so staticky in a good way and this is the only way i can get my#feelings in order . IM SORRY im tacky i think silvergray is cute even with all of its flaws and it is an outlet#and that is all i can say ^_^#i thought about cleaning this up more but i changed my mind i like it better like this anyway#this is what im doing instead of studying for an examAHBLDFKJHGBDFHGB
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I mean yes, definitely, but I also just really like projecting lmfao
#Those characters I like?#Yeah they’re me now sorry#I based their characterization on parts of my own personality#And how I reacted to being in similar situations or how I think I would react if I was in the same situation as them#Is it a character study of my personal representation of these characters#Or am I actually secretly character studying myself#Is this therapy?#This counts as therapy right#I’m not allowed to got to therapy lol#So I will instead project on my sillies and secretly vent about my own experiences through the voices I give the sillies#That’s healthy right I’m like 99% sure that’s a healthy coping mechanism#Who needs therapy (me) when you can hyperfixate on a character who has gone through far worse but similar things to you#And then let them heal and be cared for#Except you’re actively projecting on them so it’s basically you who’s healing#See. See what I did there#I’m so smart#Im gonna therapy myself one way or another#Wether I’m allowed to go to therapy or not PARENTS#Yeah. Take that. Teenage rebellion moment#I’m therapy-ing myself#🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
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once again thinking about limes very quick descent into madness surrounding the time when he realizes he might like mochi after the first night he spends cuddling with her. always love the slow start of "Okay she's kinda cute I guess. She has cute tendencies sometimes. There, you happy? I admitted it. Now leave me alone." which in the span of about 3 days RAPIDLY spills into being unable to think about anything else to the point he can barely hold a conversation with anyone because his mind keeps daydreaming back to holding her in his arms. All day feeling like "I can still feel her warmth on me..." and has to keep being snapped back to reality by everyone around him
he can barely even talk to mochi because he keeps thinking about it. has no idea what to say to her the next day. is very quiet. and mochi thinks hes mad/uncomfortable with her now, since hes always so standoffish to girls at school she thinks she might be in that category now. so the next night while lime is about to go to bed, STILL THINKING ABOUT IT, and he gets a text from her that reads something like: [Hey lime!! about last night- sorry i fell asleep on you!! i know your not super comfortable with that stuff!! it wont happen again!! 🙇♀️ see you tomorrow!] and he feels his heart drop to his fucking stomach. lays there reading it back over and over with his thoughts a mix of "Yeah I guess that makes sense, it happened by accident. It was never gonna be a repetitive thing." vs "Won't happen again...? Like....ever? Are you fucking kidding me? I never get that ever again?"
eventually after an hour of tossing and turning, thinks up some bullshit excuse to sneak over to her house and climb up over her little bedroom balcony, knocks on her window and says something like "Hey uhhh you forgot one of your socks over at my place so I brought it back." or something that is absolutely stupid and could've definitely waited for the next day. manages to weasel his way into crawling into her bed with her because every bone in his body is telling him to.
huheuheu love to see lime aching for her eheheh
#rambles because i need to study instead of draw#but i want them to be soft and cuddly#he ITCHES for her after that first night#i think growing up lime always thought he would like. end up with some bombshell blonde hot lady or something.#since everyone around him is like (wow hes so handsome!!) as a kid hed think ahh im gonna end up with some supermodel or something for sure#but he didnt really know what to expect with romance cuz hes too lazy to get to know someone new and go through the notions of dating#so he figured for him...finding a girl he liked might be one of those love at first sight things#like hed see some girl at a baseball game or something and shed be the one#and all of a sudden all at once he starts feeling things towards mochi and its NOT AT ALL how he expected his love life to kickstart#hes like ahaha no way.....mochi?? nahh....why would i like her?? pff....haha....#(a few days later) i want her everything and i want it right fucking now#and this all happens about a day before he finds out shes a witch
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got possessed by the urge to draw achilles again
as time progresses i worry i am in fact an achilles girlie (nah i just hate beards because i still haven't figured out how i wanna do them in my style)
#in my mind achilles doesnt really tan and instead he just gets more and more freckley the more he's outside#something something... reminiscent of sand on a beach... something something thetis#also ignore that i didnt draw him im armor... i was lazy#man i should be studying for an exam#side note thinking about doing an iliad/odyssey movie binge at some point because what else am i gonna do over spring break?#tagamemnon#the iliad#homer's iliad#achilles#achilles fanart#orchestrated art
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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gonna treat this site more like a blog and give updates on my writings because i noticed that if i get so much as one 'this sounds interesting' or 'cant wait to read' my brain short-circuits and spits out words in an hour that wouldve taken me a week to write otherwise
and with that, welcome to my wip rants :)
because i havent come up with better titles they are called The Ring (second coming fic) and Only Human (Crowley has lost his memories fic) lol and the former is mostly done, it only needs some editing but im saving that till after my exams because i know it's gonna be time-consuming. The latter however is still in full plotting mode and today i outlined all of chapter 8 (except for the flashbacks lol im ignoring the flashbacks) which i think is very nice :)
#did i work on the outline instead of studying? maybe but life's too short to not be completely consumed by good omens :)#yes yes i know going back to studying now :(#also im gonna make tags for these two wips cause why not lol#The Ring#Only Human#i think the updates will be mostly about only human cause im not sure if i'll continue with the ring but we'll see hahah#it's just im not really liking it so far#also i really need a beta reader lol but i also cant handle criticism so maybe not the best idea lol#but ahhh i need someone to tell me what's wrong with it😭#ramble gamble
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21. Friends hear through hotel walls? (Arabia and Ivy) for the WIP Ask Game !!!!!!!!!
Send me an ask from my WIP List and I'll post a little snippet or tell you something about it!
Ack sorry in advance this one is... Not Fun??? *hides under my desk* idk where this idea came from but I ended up writing it as a way to feel more comfortable writing Arabia/Ivy (there's nothing quite like putting character's in a crisis to get to know them better I guess??). Anyways, idk if I'm gonna post this one because everyone will banish me to angst jail and attack me with hammers and mean comments haha. But uh, here you go?? Enjoy???? (abuse tw)
Arabella curls up into a ball with her back against the headboard, trying to make herself as small as possible, trying to get away from the awful sounds coming from the next room, now entirely unmistakable as Satine’s boyfriend hitting her while she begs for him to stop. “You’re okay, Bella,” Ivy murmurs, momentarily covering the receiver with one hand while she rubs Arabella’s leg with the other. “They’re on the way. They’ll be here in a few minutes. It’s going to be okay.” Arabella shakes her head; she can’t seem to stop trembling, but it feels like it’s happening to someone else. Something glass shatters next door and Satine sobs and Arabella thinks she’s going to be sick right here on the mattress. Nothing about this is okay. She wants to lean closer to her girlfriend but she can’t seem to make herself move; besides, everything inside her is screaming at her to get away from everyone. Arabella covers her ears and squeezes her eyes shut tight, trying to block out the sound of her friend’s suffering, feeling guilty all the while that she has this option. There’s another loud thump from next door and Satine’s voice cuts off mid-scream. Ivy drops the receiver, her hand stilling on Arabella’s knee. For a moment neither of them moves or even dares to breathe, both imagining the worst. It turns out there is a more horrible noise than her friend’s cries for help, and that’s them going abruptly, horrifically, bone-chillingly silent.
#the few good things to come out of this are i think im getting more comfortable with writing them??#idk i feel like if you can write them experiencing their worst. their best comes easily??#Character Study. or something#am i any good at capturing arabia's voice??? UNKNOWN. but i sure am. trying my best. im doing Something idk#or her inner monologue at least since she shuts down and doesnt speak in this snippet#i also have decided that ivy calls arabella 'bella' and i think that is Very Cute#does that make up for the angst???? (probably not)#like everything else ive posted today this is. entirely unedited#sorry if you thought this was gonna be FUN and instead you got gifted THE HORRORS#i guess what happened here is we talked about how arabia hates loud noises and shuts down when people yell#and likely has her own history of mistreatment and/or abuse#and i was thinking about the dynamics of arabia who has escaped her abuser x satine who hasnt yet and how that would play out#also what would happen if arabia witnessed it but she couldnt get to satine in order to help?#abuse tw#thank you for the ask!!#im sorry? or youre welcome?? idk at this point.....#pls dont hate me#my fic
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I love problematic women
#amanda waller this is for YOU!!!!#and aphra. and sana. and qi'ra. and detta.#all of those are star wars though. i need more shitty dc women. they would fix me#also why is it always that the second you sit down to study thats when you happen to get intense thoughts about [CHARACTER]#like broooo i have a spanish exam for thats 20% of my grade and i only started studying for last night!!! like PRIORITIZE babe 😭😭😭#this is all bc green arrow isnt on rco yet btw. technically ive only read 1 issue but i heard she shows up and so i need to hateread it.#i say hateread but im a stupid optimist so im all like... but what if shes written good! which is insane. there is a 0% chance of that#swishy. her involvement in the story is nonsense anyways PLUS if williamson cant write ollie or the arrows decently what makes you think#theres going to be decent waller. who is written horribly 95% of the time#blah#maybe ill get lucky and itll be bad and funny instead of just bad#but i need to study for this exam tomorrow so ill shut up now
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silly oc doodle..... ballroom yuri
#ocs#ok so im gonna ramble/complain in the tags for a bit bc i love to complain its mostly not even gonna be relevant to the ocs but anyway ok#yknow that diagram abt art skills thats like ability to see/ability to draw#im at the BAD PART OF IT RN#i wanna draw fanart so bad but then i get annoyed bc the fanart doesnt look as good as the source material GHRG which is a totally#unreasonable thing to think bc source material is drawn by Professionals but you know how it is. Art Hard etc etc complain etc etc#need to do more studies etc etc#i wanna be able to draw really good so i can draw the things i love!!!!! even if its hard and tedious i wanna practise!!!! i love art!!!!!!#dont think about whats easy think about whats fun - bokuto koutarou etc#anyway everyday i am sad i have to sit in front of a desk for 8 hours instead of practising drawing :( i wanna table at a con this year....#but is there even time.....#ANYWAY this is somewhat relevant bc in an effort to be less hard on myself mayhaps i will try draw more oc things so i dont feel pressure#(self imposed)#to make it perfect kjskjkd#or at least not as much#and hopefully get over my brain's tendency to Compare Everything#i have like 3 vague sets of ocs (one less vague than the others ive posted one of the characters from that on my main art blog before sjdks#these two are from the next less vague set there is a plot premise and some side characters too. shdks#i thought abt them a couple months ago but then i watched strictly ballroom w sophie n i was reminded of them again#anyway im not good at coming up w fully fleshed out stories i just like to doodle ppl n think of random connected scenarios sometimes sdjk#i did a mini free online life drawing course in the break n i tried to apply what i learnt here.... i will keep practising when i can.....#well. if u read all the way to the end. hello :) KJASKA#im going to shower....
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sometimes i wish i wasnt a guy who gets so exhausted from writing even 1k words in a day's work bc there are fic ideas up there man,,, theyre not Great ideas but they exist at least....
#contextually from tumblr i have picked up that there might be a naddpod fic renaissance these days#like when i joined the fandom last yr the a o3 was pretty slow-going and mostly c1 based#but i keep seeing posts here with fic links#to c3 stuff (and also still c1)#have i read any of them? unfortunately no#but like. hell yeah love it for the fandom#i think theres a lot of char study stuff on there these days??#which honestly usually i Love but tbh for naddpod i feel like i get more entranced by other things besides pc char study#which!! to be clear i still support and enjoy#but like. not as heavily in this fandom weirdly as i have in previous fandoms#actually? i lied#now that im thinking abt it i need 18 intense zirk character study fics#im one of those fucking 'i was born in the wrong era' girls but instead i mean i shouldve been listening to naddpd when c2 was airing#thats my annoying trait tbh#ineed intense character study. i t just needs to be about stella vervain.#ok clearly im still a little unwell even tho i went to work todya bc these tags are ramblier than usual even for me#idk what this is. sorry if u read thsi btw. usually my long block of tags are actually so woke and cool#i swear. fucking trust me bro pls#my best content is buried in tags usually. this is the exception. pleas come back . i promise i promise
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if i dont move to nyc or london or paris by age 27 what is the point of anything
#i looooove my city so much you guys like if i wasnt who i am (queer) rn i would be so fucking glad that i am in my current city but#i loooove art and history and fashion and stuff and this citymight be about second best for all that but its still soo crowded#people WILL judge no matter what you wear something cutesy and people dont shut up especially when ur 16 and tagging along with your mom to#the mall or something and everyone just stares and even among your classmates ive been complimented so many times#for my unique style or whatever (aka i have beaded shoelaces and wear lots of jewelery and absurd ass eyeliner) and theyre like oh#n******** is so fancy itni stylish bandi hai woh and its so attention grabbing but i dont want it to be a big deal !!!#i want to like 20 badges and wear insane makeup and dye my hair without calling much attention to myself!!!#of course i know that will change slowly as you go in to uni and meet ppl of your type instead of a bazaar market and youll pick ur own#friends who r like minded but considering this is india how many people can you truly find.#also my next two years are going to be spent in a college for jee and neet kids#you can wear what you want theres no dress code but you have to appear serious studious and simple if you want to be taken seriously#elle woods at harvard law type#i asked my mom to get an industrial & second lobe piercing and actual dyed hair and shes like turn twenty get into a good college then do#not bc she minds she allowed me to get my hair dyed at age 13 but to go in th college im going to there is SO SO much rigour#and if you dont show yourself as professional and shit they will keep you in lower effort self study classes instead of best of the best#i KNOW how difficult moving abroad is bc my family does not have that money i need to do it myself its so so expensive bc the money#itself has such a high value compared to here (you see americans cribbing abt 30$ hourly wage but here that is 2500inr)#2500 inr is as much as an expensive pair of jeans here. expensive clothes here r 30$ and in usa its 300$ . see the diffence#im changing topics so much but sometimes i do feel this place is suffocating#its a priviledge i have that i can even think about going abroad comapred to other indians but still#dp you get what i mean#and ik movies and all are very romanticised so it might not even be this way in western cities and just an idealisation but still#if things change around here then the entire question of going anywhere is out the window anyway#smalltown boy will byers moment#dni if you read all this and plan on replying unless ur a close mutual (close mutuals u know who u are)#also if someone says why would you want to go to usa uk paris when they colonised your country shut up <3 shut up very much <3
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fourth ask in a row lmfao but! tell me about your tumblr/irl crush
this is gonna be under the cut because i feel like i might ramble actually so putting this here
when it comes to irl crushes, i don’t actually know what that’s like at all since i’ve never had one actually. people don’t believe me when i say it but ive never felt anything special looking at anyone else 😭 i don’t know how to explain it but sometimes its like i don’t have a built in setting for romance and i don’t mean that in a self deprecating manner but in the sense that i forget the concept of romance can also apply to me.
as for tumblr crushes, hmmm i think it’s probably just my mutuals who interact with my silly posts because like thank you :))))
#asks 💌#essentially i think im one of those people that take like years to fall in love because what is everyone on about with love at first sight#i do kinda wish i experienced having a crush instead ive done ‘studies’ on people where as a kid i just picked someone i found interesting-#in like a lab report way and observed them and their behaviour and answered my questions like ‘why are they the way they are?’#wait why was i kinda weird as a kid…😭#my rambles
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i've literally been non stop studyinf for a week i can physically feel my entire body shutting down. im not making it out of this fr
#4 exams this week 2 exams in one day tmrw. jm literally about todie#ive been like full body shaking for the past few hrs but the grind never stops. i gotta finish this#the way I've been studying for just this one exam 24/7 for 3 full days now and im still not close to done#i usually pull all nighters before exams but i dont think i can do that here coz like. my body is legit going to give out#not posting this to get advice or anything i know this is bad and i should sleep it's just a life update#life update: bad👍 but i'll survive#probably the worst ive ever felt while studying tho. what i get for exammaxxing#we get ~2 months to take our exams and im taking all of them in less than 2 weeks instead coz i#want my summer to be completely free. so I'll pay the price now but it's gonna be sooo worth it. god. please#barking
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