#what im doing now doesnt apply to ANYTHING .... its so STUPID

[schizopositivity]

how to advocate for schizophrenics and psychotics in every day life:

correct people when they misuse the word "psychotic" (as in if they use it in any other way but a serious disconnect from reality, delusions or hallucinations)

correct people when they use the word "schizophrenic" as an adjective (its not!!! its a severe and persistant mental disorder)

correct people when they call people "crazy" aka "shes been acting crazy lately" (they likely dont actually mean it and this word is thrown around a lot, but as a schizophrenic im asking you to not use this word to describe people since this has been tied to me and my fellow psychotics for ages)

do not assume that a psychotic person is dangerous in any way (psychotic people are more likely to be the victims of abuse than be the abusers)

when talking about mental illness or the mental illness community as a whole consider, does this apply to psychotic and schizophrenic people as well? (if not, youre not talking about the whole community! its that simple)

do not purposley trigger someones paranoia aka telling people that theres someone after them (this is always harmful and potentially life threatening, its not a joke and never was)

dont assume schizophrenia is "just hallucinations and delusions" (its much more than that, it has negative and cognitive symptoms as well, which for some people is much worse than the positive symptoms of hallucinations and delusions)

dont make lobotomy jokes aka "lobotomize me" jokes (these procedures were used to turn schizophrenics into "pets" so that other people could better deal with us, its not a joke)

dont act "crazy" for shock value aka wide eyes, rocking back and fourth, shaking (our mannerisms arent for you to pretend to be crazy with, this is who we actually are, im looking at you rock bands)

dont fear the people on the street talking to themselves aka calling the cops on them (these people are suffering, these people need help, them being psychotic doesnt make them any more dangerous than anybody else)

dont use the word delusional for every idea you dont agree with aka "that conservative politician is delusional!" (delusions specifically describe strongly held beliefs outside of reality, not just beliefs outside youre specific world view)

dont expect people to express emotions the same way you do aka "why arent you reacting?" (many schizophrenics stuggle with flat affect and cant change it, it doesnt mean we dont feel things, just that we dont express them the same way)

dont expect us to be able to do the same amount of, or intensity of work you do aka "i work 5 days a week, you have it easy!" (executive disfunction is very common in schizophrenia, it doesnt make us lazy, we are just disabled)

dont post derealization without tagging it or TWing it as such aka that post with a fake european country saying that americans dont even know what country this is (we already struggle enough with figuring out whats real and whats not we dont need "pranks" or "jokes" trying to fool us without any TW)

dont assume schizophrenic and psychotic people cant see your post or view your media or anything else (we are real people interacting with the world just like everybody else, we can see your jokes about us, or your media portraying us as dangerous, we arent fictional characters)

dont assume youre superior to, or smarter than us (once again we are real people, we deserve the same respect as anyone else on the planet)

dont call someones delusion stupid aka "obviously youre not the reincarnation of kurt cobain thats stupid" (you have no idea how real these are for us, they dont always make sense to you but they do to us, please respect that)

dont ask if were hallucinating right now (its none of youre business! and if we say yes youll likely ask where it is, and if we show you youll likely look in the direction of the hallucination which is dangerous, it blends the real world with the hallucination and its already hard enough for us to tell the difference)

dont stop trusting us and what we say just because were psychotic (we still deserve to be listened to and trusted just like everybody else)

learn about less talked about symotoms like catatonia, avolition and word salad (these are just as common as the talked about ones, but just less talked about cause i guess it doesnt make for an intresting horror movie)

learn more about schizophrenia and psychosis from actual schizophrenics and psychotics (a great example is the podcast Inside Schizophrenia, scrolling through this blog, looking up students with psychosis)

TLDR: no go back and read it, its the least you could do

[furiosity-wills-the-cat]

Chara, the fourth Blook cousin:

A crack theory that accidentally become way more serious than it should have because it somehow, despite my best efforts, ended up making sense

Brought to you by my idiot conspiracy brain (affectionate) and by encouragement from my Tumblr followers

Under the cut for the sake of your dashes and sanity

Ok here we go my very elaborate accidental theory, because in order to answer the complex questions simply you must first make simple things more complex or something

First, you need to know that Chara became a Blook cousin by adoption.

All of the Blooks are adopted.

Ghosts are not born into families, they make their own.

Got it? Great, because we’re about to start running

so first, im gonna make surprisingly uncommon claim in this fandom, and I am going to say that undertale ghosts are all dead

I’m taking the tiny details we know about ghosts and sprinting with them to new places

Ghosts also do not have souls I decided

Undertale souls do not work the same as souls in traditional mythology

So every ghost is soulless Unless and Until they become corporeal

Evidence: Monster souls cant exist without bodies, and ghosts are monsters, therefore ghosts cannot have souls without bodies

Further evidence: Asriel doesnt steal blooky’s soul, blooky is unkillable, we have no concrete evidence that blooky has a soul

What about mettaton? He only has a soul after he has completely committed to being corporeal and to a specific body.

Also maddy and mettaton are both only killable while corporeal

Im also connecting the dots we have about souls in a new creative way so let me live for a second

Additionally, i am going to claim that there are a lot more ghosts than just the blooks, some evidence given below

Theres like actual scientific knowlege of ghosts in the undertale verse which seems unlikely if theres literally only three or four

The underground is so much bigger than you think, theres that giant forest in snowdin, a large town in the ruins, the huge city of new home, who knows how much space in the large open areas of waterfall etc. Its really really big okay

Also based off evidence of blooky, we can conclude that ghosts can turn invisible whenever they want to and/or haunt objects to hide

So I personally think that ghosts are, generally speaking, extremely reclusive

And the blooks are just a special exception, a beautiful family, amazing for them

So anyway im going with typical ghost lore for now, for the sake of ease, so im gonna say ghosts generally come from monsters who are particularly restless or unsatisfied when they die

HOWEVER i dont think they remember being monsters or anything before being a ghost. They just kinda fizzle into existance with a fully formed personality and immortality while being unkillable and feeling vaguely uneasy

ALSO i personally think that chara was a ghost for a long time before they became a blook by adoption

Based on game lore, i think ghosts can possess any inanimate object and just kinda wear it? But it takes a lot of strong emotion to become corporeal

And chara is the super weird exception because they were a human not a monster.

They dont have a soul (i headcanon that their soul got destroyed when asriel died)

And they KNOW this, which is a huge part of why they kinda just... give up

Because they lost their ability to fulfill prophecy

Also, without a soul, they lost their ability to reset, so for the first time since falling underground, theyre subject to the relentless march of time

But theyre still weirdly strong and powerful and more emotional

ALSO they DO still remember being a human but they catch on pretty quickly that other ghosts dont have memories and because chara is stupid they just lie to fit in

Theyre too tired to explain themself, they just want to be alone and feel awful

Now back to ghost lore

Emotions are a lot harder for ghosts??? I decided

And they dont know why,, they tend to blame it on the soul thing

But realistically its actually more of the immortality thing making actions not have consequences and/or or not having a body so they cant have a sense of touch or have physical effects of emotion

They all know that ghosts just tend to be way more floaty and bored and numb

And thats part of why the blooks are so special

Maddy’s rage and Mettaton’s yearning and Napstablook’s misery are like... not great all of the time...

but theyre also way way more emotion than most ghosts have,,, they are just a family supporting each other, being as functional as they can,, just an emo(tional) ghost family

most ghosts barely do anything except like stare at walls but the blooks have their snail farm and that helps them have purpose and it is good

And they hold each other accountable and it is nice

So anyway chara just chills and is in a depression coma for a few decades before the blooks find them and are like “our child/baby cousin”

and they raise them for a cool minute

They are all very protective of the new baby emo blook

And chara doesnt get therapy but at the very least they once again have a family, and they decide they want to try to become corporeal eventually just like mtt and maddy

So anyway chara starts hanging out in the ruins a lot more and they finally tell the blooks theyre leaving to go become corporeal in the ruins

This is actually because they are trying to hang out with toriel

because they miss their mom ;;

but chara’s not gonna admit that to anyone, especially not to themself

And because theyre still repressing their emotions constantly and pretending to be fine, they cant become corporeal

And they hang out in the ruins for a long time because they feel guilty lying to everyone about everything

They still feel like its their fault that all the monsters are stuck underground, because they were SUPPOSED to save everyone and they COULDNT and it HURTS

But again, they are doing too much repression to use this guilt to become corporeal,

so instead they just kinda hide and watch toriel from a distance and cry

Blooky visits them the most, thats why blooky is chilling in the ruins so much at the start of the game

Theyre just there to visit their shy baby cousin ;;

Ofc they wont tell frisk about this because chara wants space and privacy and blooky respects that

but maddy and mtt also visit them a lot

Oh also when mtt and maddy start dissapearing, blookys mental health plummets as their family and support system starts to dissolve

Blooky was actually doing extremely well (for a ghost) for a long time, i headcanon,

but theyre doing the worst theyve been in a long long time during the game, because of family issues

So anyway, chara dissapears when frisk shows up, and maddy assumes this is becaude frisk hurt their fragile feelings

Maddy spends hours desperately searching the ruins for chara and cant find them and assumes that they had their heart crushed and went to hide and disappear in a depression coma for another few decades, and thats part of why maddy is so furious with frisk

Like,, to be clear, maddy is still jumping to conclusions and throwing blame around with no proof, but also, its a logical conclusion to come to

And mettaton has already disappeared too and been gone for a while, too, by this point, so it hurts even worse

But anyway, what actually happened to chara is that;

Because chara is a human ghost, not a monster ghost, normal ghost rules dont apply to them

And they can possess living things too they find out

Maybe they knew it a long time ago, maybe its a new discovery, but for whatever reason they end up possessing frisk and theyre like “what the heck”

And frisk still has most of the control

But now chara is like,,, “this is my chance, im a human again, gotta save the world for real,,,”

and they cant explain this to anyone without revealing their past

so they just chill in frisk’s mind while being super crypic and trying to figure out how it works

Pacifist route, this is pretty much exactly what happens

They manage to help frisk save the day

And in my headcanon, the no mercy route is started by frisk who is scared when faced by monsters attacking them

And then chara, who was aready hiding in a semidepression coma for a while, immediately transitions to a panicked “gotta protect this body, gotta protect my chance to be human, i died and threw away my chance to save everyone the first time, i CANNOT lose this chance again”

And so the combination of both frisk and chara is the genocide run

Because frisk kills in self defense, and whenever frisk hesitates, chara jumps in

Also theres leftover feelings from the whole asriel incident

Because again, ghosts come from monsters who died unsatisfied

And chara’s main source of unsatisfaction is how they were trying to get asriel to kill people before he died and then he didnt

So thats a strong strong feeling ruling them

So anyway by the time they both realize how bad its become they figure its too late and also the amount of LOVE has made them numb

And thats when chara who, despite everything, still has idiot hero complex and thinks they need to save the world

So, while panicking, they step in at the very end, and erase the timeline and delete everything

And also to clarify

They DONT HAVE this power at any other point in the game

Because, guess why

They become corporeal

Just like maddy, the no mercy route is the only thing that gives them strong enough emotion to spontaneously become corporeal

So they become corporeal and as soon as they have a soul again and can reset again, they just erase everything

Ok back to fluff

Post pacifist route, they are still a non corporeal ghost

They can still float around and look just like the other blooks

And it takes them a while to open up about things, but they do end up moving back in with blooky so that blooky isnt completely alone

And also they do way better with a family

Also they can float through the mountain and talk to flowey down below and bring him news

And now that they know about him, they can bond with him and explain that they dont have a soul either but that doesnt mean theyre worthless

Oh ALSO

The other dead humans dont have ghosts

BECAUSE

ghosts only come from restless dead MONSTERS

and chara is the weird special exception

Because they were a monster when they died

They became a ghost and asriel didnt because they were way more restless and stressed than asriel was when both of them died

Like sure, asriel felt awful, but chara was the one who was way more like “this is my fault, i CANT die now, the world NEEDS me”

So anyway

charablook the emo tween ghost and asriel flowey the eldrich goat daisy are siblings once more and they hang out and eventually they are okay and have a family again

Thank you for reading, this has been my thoughts on a crack theory that accidentally went too far

This isnt even everything, maybe i’ll make a part two eventually, but i promised to have this post out like two days ago, so i wanted to post SOMTHING

Anyway leave your thoughts if youd like

Im not looking for people to disprove it, i already know its crazy, i dont think it was intentional by the game writers, but i do think its a fun concept

thats the fun of it, so if anyone wants to run with it im all for it lol

Thanks again! Have a nice day!

[year2000electronics]

i actually don't have an opinion on either, so i'm curious: what do you hate about youtooz? (the price is way too much though i agree)

ok. so. first things first the REASON i compare these two series, and i believe it IS a fair comparison, is that they both serve the same role in their respective merchandising niches: a brand with a certain style that most figures conform to that is famous (or rather, notorious) for covering ridiculous amounts of media and their style being... well, depends who you ask. its just that funko pop covers mainstream media most of the time, basically anything that a big company can fund, whereas youtooz is for internet icons and independent creators 

and the BIGGEST point is the price point. 

so just using pops official website and my own personal knowledge as a jumping off platform, i know that the whole reason pops are so simplistic and accessible is because they’re meant to be easily accessible collectibles for the mainstream audience! theyre supposed to be neat little collectibles that are easy to get and easy to produce (which is how they maintain the price) 

the price here says these star trek funko pops are 11 bucks, and just from personal experience ive seen pops go for anywhere from 9 bucks to 15 bucks, with some really common pops even making their way to the dollar store! so if youre a fan of star trek who doesnt have CRAZY disposable income and you just wanna nab a spock, hey. there you go. 

now, vaulted pops and chase variants (basically pops that arent currently being restocked in stores, and rarer simple variants to already made models ie. gold mario) rack up a lot of money on auction sites, but this happens with literally every figure and limited item so its really not like, a pop problem. imo their goal of being simple, accessible collectibles for anyone to collect and enjoy WORKS.

now here ive got some figures from youtooz and- HUH. LOOK AT THAT. 30 US DOLLARS. (again, even more for me in canada!) now, i know that its not TOTALLY ridiculous bc even though theyre around the same height, funko pops have more hollow plastic and theres probably more complex designs but the REASON i do not think that these are worth as much as they are is because

2. THEY ARE UGLY. 

ive done a little sketch here trying to analyze the sort of design philosphies of the ‘pop style’ and the ‘youtooz style’ and i think both have their ups and downs.

i will give youtooz the point for the dynamic poses theyre usually in, as that usually makes the figure a lot more interesting, which you REALLY need if your figure has absolutely no articulation

look at the youtooz charlie brown doing a baseball- hes in the middle of an action pose, and it has a GREAT silhouette. 10/10 posing. some of the youtooz posing really fucking sucks but overall its got better pose quality 

but a lot of pops are Just Standing There. 

BUT overall i think funko pop has the stronger style. funko pop’s style has a REASON to be the way it is. why? because many of the first pop lines were just one in dozens and hundreds of already existing toy lines! so it needs a distinct style to not only give credence to a ‘collection’ mentality, but also distinguishing them from other lines of the same brand

like, there are so many different c-3pos out there, so i KNOW im getting a funko pop c-3po bc like. look at him. 

so then, i ask you, WHY does youtooz need a ‘unifying style’? why do internet creators need to conform to this style? because both the reasons i listed above just, do not apply here! one, these are often the ONLY figures made for these creators, and two, there is NOBODY who is collecting youtooz. the point of youtooz is that there are LIMITED DROPS, targeted SPECIFICALLY at fans of THAT creator. which is why they announce it on their channel! so theres no NEED to use this ugly UGLY style! and yet they do!!!

another thing the youtooz style sucks ass with is, like, the default expression. for funko pops, the default expression is usually a neutral, which SOME say is creepy or offputting but IMO. its like, a blank slate. a resting natural that could be anything and that works as these figures dont exist IN motion. look at hello kitty! she doesnt have a mouth and its used to her advantage 

but the closed eyes just fucking- its CONFUSING. especially in an expression thats not all smiley. its a confusing expression and usually a closed-eyes emotion isnt something that... stays on the face for that long? ik its a stylization choice but i dont LIKE it. theres no point of eye contact here. the posture suggests theyre looking SOMEwhere, like this rando throwing a thumbs up to the ‘viewer’ but his eyes are closed

AND THREE i just think funko pop does... ‘compromise’ better. so compromise is like, when something just WILL NOT FIT in your style. even if the reason for having that style is STUPID. funko pop has a better track record with bringing that style into synthesis with their own. yeah yeah you can strawman that fucking dory pop all you want but listen. there are GOOD EXAMPLES of this. 

look at this peashooter! hes adorable!! and the funko nose and lack of mouth get broken here. but LOOK HES SO CUTE

this pvz zombie breaks EVERY rule of the design. a non-standard nose, a body not smaller than the head, eyes that arent all black, MOUTH. but like. look at him! you know its a funko pop anyways bc its a small cute version of the zombie!!

now lets see how YOUTOOZ compromises. 

oh- oh wow. so uh, you saw a character whose big eyes are CRUCIAL to their design and instead of going ‘i know ill make the closed eyes bigger’ you go HMM LETS MAKE THE CLOSED EYES THE PUPILS’. wow. thats- okay.

tldr youtooz sucks and if it should exist it shouldnt force every figure to be the same stupid style. also who wants to pay for memes.

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Eyo its glass au guy, the au where glass physics just doesnt apply to our birdbois, here to add to this literal fucking crack au because dear fuck i might run on angst alone but mAN WE ALL NEED A BREAK SOMETIMES

Anyways, have you ever noticed that technoblades windows are just trapdoors with holes? wELL--

I like to imagine that literally the only reason Technoblade found out about Philza's... condition, was wAAAAAAAAY back then, back when they were just two dudes that dont die and were just chillin. Techno was just probably out and about, hunting deer, drinking blood, staying at villages and deciding whether or not to slaughter everyone when he leaves, you know regular Technoblade stuff.

When he discovers the invention of glass. (Yes im making both of them that old and no you cannot stop me)

Techno's pretty fascinated by the art of glass making and ends up staying at the village a little longer than Philza and him expected and even ended up not slaughtering them.

He actually stayed so long in the village in fact, that Philza's wanderlust got the better of him and he kinda just-- left techno. Not without saying goodbye tho.

So now, philza's exploring the world while techno is mastering the art of glass making. The reason techno was so interested in the first place was because he saw the combat potential and the living improvement it could bring. And if the history books say something abt a pink haired pig hybrid helping a potion maker invent the splash potion well, technos not gonna say anything.

And as the years went by, techno proceeded to make hundreds, if not, thousands of glass creations from sculptures to weapons to containers and anything he could think of really. But those years of glass blowing and fire fanning really did a number on him. So much so that while taking a break in the middle of his creations, he drank a health pot to fix the itch in his lungs.

He coughs a little, waving away the smoke of the fire. Man, the wood he got today was smokier than usual huh? It never got so thick he couldn't see across the room but itll be fine, he knows where everything is anyways.

He finishes his latest project and airs out the room, to try and get rid of the smoke blocking his vision. But why is everything still so blurry? So he goes outside to get some fresh air.

And now he's fuckin worried because he pretty fuckin sure he didnt set the village on fire enough to cause such a crazy amount of smoke to block his vision. Because oh god, he cant see shit anymore.

So he panics. He pours a pot each to both his eyes and it got a little better because now he can see things a few meters away from him kind of okay but his eyes are still fucked up. Chat is still screaming and Techno, caught up in the panic and emotions of trying to deal with all this bullshit, tries to calm himself down by breaking his defective products. Now at least chat is a little satiated.

Philza, having visited his longtime and only friend, hears the sound of something shattering. It sounded like a clay pot but higher pitched for some reason. So he rushes to Techno, holding seemingly nothing but his hands covered in deep cuts.

Techno meanwhile, has finally calmed down and started to clean up and pick up all the shattered remains of his glass objects. And as he picks them up, he squints at them a little, trying in vain to see if his eyes are salvageable. But with each shard, that hope slowly dims and finally he accepts his handicap. Until the last few shards. Because one of them broke into a really large piece and for some reason, he... can kind of see through it??? Huh, maybe his defect pile wasnt as defective as he thought.

Philza comes back to him with a towel and a health pot (he puts them in clay containers shoosh he dont know glass exists okay) and asks whats wrong. Techno raises his head to reply when he realizes "oh sHIT PHILZA YOURE SITTING ON GLASS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU OKAY"

And philza, the old bird man he is just kinda goes "huh??? Wat???? Glass???????" And Techno just kinda blindly pockets the glass he was looking at and pulls out a glass health pot of his own to tend to Philza's "wounds".

Philza kinda just stares because holy SHIT IS TECHNO A FUCKING POTION BENDER WHAT THE FUCK. Philza kinda just dazedly grabs the floating health mixture and his hands just pass through the liquid and his fingers are coated in potion.

And techno also staring because holy SHIT IS PHILZA A FUCKING GLASS BENDER CMON I SPENT LIKE-- 2 CENTURIES MASTERING THIS STUPID THING AND APPARENTLY PHILZA CAN JUST DO WHATEVER WITH IT WHAT THE FUCK.

And now they're just vibin on the floor with their heads blown. Oh yeah, techno invents eye glasses. The first two he makes are for himself and phil because "phil, do you not see the glass? You are literally just sitting on a pile of shards."

The glasses fitting was also kind of a train wreck since techno made rimless glasses and the glass just-- went straight through philzas eyes and shattered on the floor. When philza brings it up, techno vehemently denies screaming like an 8 year old and being torn in two because he didnt know whether or not he should worry over phil first or the thing he made for him.

Damn dis long. Lol oops

Pfft. Oh my god. This is hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. Just the both of them being confused with each other and oh my god.

[actualsunflower]

I have a huge life update to share rn--- My top surgery consultation is scheduled for July 5th!!!! I’M SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!! I’ve also been vaccinated!! :D ANNNDDD MY LEGAL NAME AND SEX HAVE BEEN CHANGEDD!!!!! :DDDD kind of a lot has happened since I’ve been actually active around here But now I guess is the much harder part, my official surgery date will be set at the consultation, but there’s a required $1,000 fee to set the official date for my surgery. The $1,000 covers a portion of the surgery as well, and the base price for the surgery is $8,500. I’ll get the exact price on July 5th, but that’s their base rate. I need to earn or raise at least $1,000 of the total cost before July 5th to secure my surgery date!! I’m going to take commissions when I can, I have 1 almost entirely complete right now and then I can take on more! I’m gonna have a more detailed explanation of everything under the cut so this isnt super super long so pls read under there if you want all the deets Pls consider commissioning me or donating so I can get top surgery!! read more for more info and me being sappy abt my emotions--

I’ve waited so long for this and I’m fricken excited, it’s the last step in transitioning for me! It really means everything for me, I feel like I’ve been waiting forever and I can’t believe it’s finally happening !?!!! I am forever in everyones debt here and everywhere because I never wouldve even been able to start hrt if it wasn’t for the help here. I’m just so. Overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude I cant even tell how many times Ive cried and just felt like... actual gender euphoria since starting t..

So abt the appointment, I’m getting surgery with Dr. Javad Sajan, and I’m getting button hole double incision. Im serious his before and after pictures make me so emotional I am so happy and emotional for those people and I cannot wait to feel that kind of happiness and relief. But a big problem about this for me, is that he is in Seattle, and I live in southern Oregon. I can’t drive, so I have to rely on someone else, or take the train from a nearby city (Eugene). My consultation is over skype (which is amazing and a huge relief), but my pre-op appointment is in person, and of course so is the actual surgery. We’re planning on taking the train from Eugene because it seems to be the most reliable way to get there and back each time. Aside from my surgery, I’ve got to cover the price of the trip there and back (twice, once there and back for pre-op, once there and back post op,) and the price of a place to stay during the pre-op appointment. Right now my goal cost wise, is just the booking and base appointment price ($8,500, that’s including the $1,000 appointment setting deposit, which is just a part of the surgery cost and the base covers everything, surgery, the stay at the hospital, nips, anesthesia, everything). The full price is due at the pre-op appointment, and that’s the final bill. My insurance doesn’t cover anything because it’s out of state and county, and because its informed consent model. (which Im choosing because Id have to battle insurance for 2 years minimum if I was getting the surgery in Oregon, but I am very set on my surgeon after considering everything and calling many offices and looking through many subreddits and talking to ppl who’ve gotten it here and there) A lot of this information is on their site as well. As soon as I have my consultation, I will be right here to update everything and set the exact price, which I’ll also be including the price of transportation and staying there. As for paying, I’ve been applying to so many jobs, and even when I get interviews I never hear back from them. People keep telling me to stop admitting I’m disabled but I just can’t do that. Lying about being disabled doesnt make me abled and they don’t get that. I’m still trying though, and I am not going to stop trying until I get a job. But until then commissions and donations are my only source of income. I’ve been struggling getting help psychologically, because I have schizophrenia, and because I was diagnosed with adhd as a child, but I think I’m actually autistic rather than having adhd, and it’s been really hard trying to get diagnosed because I keep getting pushed off or told I cant have autism because I have paranoid schizophrenia or because its “just adhd”, but the medications are just making everything worse, and Ive tried more than one already. My medications for schizophrenia have started not working right, and when my schizophrenia meds get under control, it makes my adhd (?) significantly worse. Genuinely, I really dont know what’s happening. I really dont know whats going on with me right now and it’s hard and confusing and I keep swinging back and forth and it’s making everything deteriorate so fast I cant keep up with it. It seriously effects my ability to do anything at all, even art, and its been like this for the last 6 months. I am trying though, still trying to work, still trying to get a job, still trying to get a real diagnosis and help and Im not going to stop any of that. But I think getting top surgery as soon as possible is going to help me too, because dysphoria has just gotten so much worse focusing on my chest since t has started helping me pass and look so much more masculine. It’s like all my attention went from everything DIRECTLY to my chest and its almost unbearable. Even now since my sex has been legally changed I keep having the horrible thoughts of ‘why, why I am a man Im not supposed to be this way’ and shit idk. I’m getting too serious right now I have an appointment with the dmv to get a new updated driver’s permit with my name and fixed legal sex, and when I do that I can set up a bank account (I cant yet bcs I dont have a valid id/ id at all because I actually lost the other one and have been carrying around that paper one you’re supposed to destroy that is literally from 2016) and when I do, I’m going to set up a proper gofundme for my surgery and the travel expenses, but for now all I have is my paypal and online banking savings account. I’ll get that up asap once I have my id, though (Ive already been to the bank with my notarized judge passed papers and they wont take those yeah I know it’s stupid its like the same thing) But uhhh yeah! Thank you for reading this far if you did lol and considering helping me bcs my god, it literally means everything to me. pls share hehe

[ohbae-me]

okay so, im about to go ham because i truly stand strong in my shoujo fantasy.

In my opinion, im pretty sure (like 89%) lucifer tells us that whenever mammon breaks off a relationship with someone, they go broke completely after. so hes had previous relationships before, as for the rest of the boys, im pretty sure lucifer has, but nothing serious, he wont let anyone in, MC is literally the only person who has pushed past his walls and seen him for more than pride. satan, 100% he has never had a relationship, levi, has had a couple of fwbs and other relationships but they always fizzle out, never lasting. asmo has never had a serious relationship, always just flings. belphie never had a serious relationship and same with beel. i truly believe MC is their first true loves, i know what youre thinking "theyve been alive for so long, theres no way someone couldnt have been special to them" but the thing is, theyre so different with MC; their entire dynamic and relationships changed with MC, MC saw them for more than their sin and got to know them to their very core, while yes the other relationships never lasted, thats not to say the boys didnt love them; but just not in the way they love MC. i believe MC to be a true love, not just a love, the difference for me is all of the boys would gladly give up chasing MC once she finds herself happy with another brother, instead of forcing them to choose yk? the "as long as youre happy, it kills me everytime i look at you smile at him, but i love you too much to let you be miserable with me" and i dont think any of them have experienced. also, with the whole "new relationship" thing, the honey moon phase, while yes every couple has it, i feel like with MC it would just, last. not to say they wouldnt have fights; ofc they would, but its different with MC, everyday the brothers would wake up and chose the option to love and fall in love all over again, speaking further on that, i dont think any of them would truly get over MC. and i mean that; (i dont think MC is going to die, obey me devs have something planned LOL, plus theyre super powerful, like the other anon said i dont think theyd be able to really function without them, even if they do "get over" mcs death at some point.) after MC dies i feel like the family dynamic wouldnt be the same, the brothers would get quieter and would never truly forget about it? and every relationship would fail because theyre not MC (you dont have to agree but i love reverse harems), like i 100% hc that after MC chooses another brother or after they die, mammon would try and try to find new flings, even after its been decades mammon finds someone whos super similar to MC, their look, personality, etc, but one wrong move and theyre out. (say MC doesnt like pickles, but the replacement for MC does, he would immediately start crying and call mc a stupid human who he shouldnt have fallen for.) anyways in conclusion, i truly dont think MC would ever die canonically in the obey me game, the devs are sneaky (love you devs), but even if they would, i really feel like they would never get truly over it. some part of me truly believes that the brothers would go back to being distant, how they were before. they would sit at the table and eat in silence, asmo would begin partying ten times harder (since we already know he uses his ego to cover up his major insecurity of people not liking him and how he feels about himself) and the brothers would become even more indugled in their sin. also, for every relationship they would have, they would just compare them to MC, and yeah but I cannot see MC dying. the other stuff about what the brothers would be like after MC dies could also be applied to when MC chooses her s/o. i think the brothers would be super fucking hurt, that was their first love, their first understanding who walked out and chose someone who wasnt them. anyways thats all, you dont have to reply i just felt like i needed to get this off of my chest, also im gonna be pretty frequent on your blog ( i love ur writing ) so im gonna call myself cake anon! have a great day! - cake anon

Hello Cake! iluuu! Thanks for this, i really love getting every ones take on these things! And there is defs a lot that i agree with here. 

I agree with the Mammon part. Out of all of the brothers, i feel he is probably the easiest to get emotionally attached in a relationship, so i see him as the one with the most previous relationships. Asmo coming in second, but his being mostly flings or poly/open relationships. I’m sure Mammon has had some serious ones as well as many flings, where Asmo’s have never been overly serious and certainly never long lasting. I’m also sure Luci has had a few, some more serious than others, but he wouldn’t get overly attached emotionally. I’m sure he’d be too busy with Diavolo since arriving, being the workaholic he is. I’m sure not many partners would be willing to deal with that level of non-commitment and emotional unavailability from him.Levi I feel like all his relationships never left that awkward early stage, and his only ‘serious’ relationships would have been strictly online, maybe a couple meetups that made him nope right out of it. Satan, again, has probably just gone on some casual dates but didn’t have much interest in actually dating rather than gaining connections. i feel like Beel is the most likely candidate to have had healthy previous relationships. He is pretty well balanced emotionally and has a good outlook on love and family values. I’m sure he’s had a few serious relationships and has dated his share of people. Belphie gives me vibes of had one or two previous serious relationships that did not end well at all and now he’s a salty sob over it lmao. 

I still don’t feel like MC is necessarily their first true love, but maybe the first different kind of love for them. MC has reached them in ways no one else has, they don’t try to change anything, they fit in well with the whole family, they understand their sins etc. I have loved a few different people in my life, and each one was such a different experience for me. The first guy i loved, i consider to be my first true love. However, it didn’t work. And then i met the man I eventually married, he wasn’t my first true love, but it was a better kind of love, yk? 

And uugghh you ripped my heart out with how the brothers would feel if MC chose a different brother!!!! Because they all would be so heartbroken it’s not them, but they really truly just want mc to be happy and cared for, and they know their brother would keep them safe and provide well. 

A few asks ago, i mentioned that the brothers would move on eventually. I think there is a big difference in moving on and getting over that I maybe didn’t articulate very well. If MC were to die or choose someone else, they would move on eventually, but they might not ever really get over it. My heart hurts just thinking about how they would feel trying to move on. Like you mentioned, the empty, quiet dinner tables, lackluster parties and festivals, it would be like they lost their best friend. (i giggled picturing your mammon scenario with the pickle because that’s exactly how he’d react to something so small lmaooo)

I also agree that i don’t think the devs will kill mc off (again), that just seems like a really crappy way to end the game!! I’m curious to see how they would make different routes go if you can only romance one of them end game, vs you being able to have them all? I wonder if we’d get a choice in the whole becoming immortal thing or not? 

Sorry if this reply was too long and rambly, i absolutely love discussing these kinds of things!! I always welcome these asks!!! 

[angelhummel]

i fucking hate it when people see kurt as the "girl" of the relationship. like what the fuck, its a relationship between two MEN so stop trying to make one be a girl! thats why i literally cant stand when people say kurt's the bottom or "the CEO of bottom" or why i cant let myself enjoy fics where kurt is the bottom every fucking time him and whoever have sex even though i know it doesnt mean the "girl" but so many people see it as that. thats also why i cringe when i see something as insagnifigant that doesnt matter at all like when blaine leads kurt in a dance and dips him because my hatred for gender roles has made me have an aversion to anything that paints kurt in that way even in the tiniest bit. cheerio!kurt/jock!blaine? hate it. people making blaine the hypermasculine closeted football player or badboy or some shit like that? repulsive. when i read some fics i can just tell when they see kurt as the "girl" by their characterization of him. i honestly hate it so much that i find myself becoming a hypocrite by only accepting/putting blaine into the box of the ""girl"". my brain is so fucked up that i can barely even handle kurt on blaine's lap since blaine is smaller than kurt contrary to some people beliefs.

like i cant really blame you bc i know how some people portray it and it's honestly fucked up. but honestly i think the show did a pretty good job of balancing things out?? like blaine dips kurt during ymmfsy and kurt dips blaine during mtaw

and i think blaine more often reaches up to hold kurt's face and kind of "lead" the kiss but we always see kurt on top when they're making out. except for in tina's fantasy lmao

but yeah ive said before that wasting any time trying to fit them into the role of "man" and "woman" of the relationship is stupid as fuck. i mean, basing your relationship around 50s gender roles is dumb as hell no matter what kind of relationship it is. but especially for two guys. and you know it's stupid bc it just switched when the show started portraying them differently.

like oh kurt is into fashion and blaine likes football and boxing? kurt is the girl and blaine is the guy. and the thing that flipped it so that kurt was the guy and blaine was the girl was literally just like. kurt working out and being more stoic. and blaine being more emotional. like do we have to explain how shitty it is to base their whole character off of one or two traits? especially when its those specific traits that you think can only apply to men or women?? so seeing them applied to a gay man means the man must be a woman?? i feel like im just babbling incoherently like a crazy person now but thats how it feels to try and rationalize these people's insane way of thinking xD

[tarantulas4davey]

my stupid ass thots for youtuber au:

after als first video with face cam, people noticed a keyboard in the background and now he gets multiple questions abt and requests to play something and hes so embarrassed that he doesnt even acknowledge it

race will randomly barge into als room while filming and despite the fact that its literally his career to play horror games, it scares the mess out of him every single time

once either race or als stream accidentally started with out them noticing but instead of it like idk revealing some other big secret its literally just them simping for each other and al being like “idk i just know that im ugly” and you can see race just going ???

al has a tiktok account but it only has one video on it and its al hiding behind a wall and inching out to reveal race in their kitchen with very minimal lighting wearing a blanket as a cape stirring mac n cheese at 3 am while humming the 1812 overture. it got really popular

al cant take a compliment to save his life and denies being strong so race posts on twitter “albert: im not that buff! also albert: *a video of him doing the salmon ladder*

THESE ARE ALL SO BEAUTIFUL WAIT

- people originally ask if it’s race’s, and he’s just like “uh- yeaaah totally not mine or anything” cause he’s Shy™️ but they call bs and ask him to play something. he changes the subject every. single. time. race eventually just tweets a video of him playing that he took and deals with albert pouting about it until he reads all the super positive replies (cause all of their fans are literal angels i said what i said)

- oh race is TERRIFIED of all things horror. he barely sat through the IT movie when al and jack begged him to go see it. literally just the idea of it being a horror game scares him, but he’s also an adhd nightmare (same) so he forgets and bursts through the door in the middle of filming anyway, already talking about whatever, just to promptly freeze, scream and sprint out of the room like a child who saw a tiny spider

- all of stan twitter tried to fight al that day <3 he has a really unclear and negative mental image of himself so he genuinely says stuff like that constantly AND actually means it meanwhile absolutely everyone simps for him. also race’s brain just,,, cannot?? compute??? this??? like he literally shortcircuits whenever albert says anything like that cause pardon me beautiful boy say w h a t. the ‘racer.exe has stopped working’ meme is slightly overused but also totally isnt cause it’s always 100% accurate.

- i have absolutely nothing to add to this one you nailed it perfectly. race also has a tiktok, started right after al’s face reveal, where he just posts his backlog of snapchat videos of albert doing dumb or cute things. he has more tiktok followers than albert and makes sure everyone knows it cause of course he does it’s all exclusive red content

- albert is just,,,, very fit? and like??? that unclear mental image we were talking about earlier? 100% applies to this as well. like 195 bench 1 rep max, 320 deadlift, etc etc. (i’m a crossfit nerd sorry y’all. don’t exercise, just have a weird amount of knowledge shoved in my brain about it, if you wanna hear more about athletic al lmk) and he just NEVER seems to talk about it??? so yeah race is just constantly posting al doing the most athletic, outta pocket things with sarcastic captions just so everyone can see how amazing al is (also i hc that albert was a gymnast for most of his life but got injured so he stopped competing but still can do most of the tricks and race will randomly post albert throwing back handspring-back tucks while everyone sits around like 👁👄��)

✨this was so therapeutic everyone please send me all the things i love this✨

[boxheadpaint]

Nonsense to remove later (It is me being incredibly mean about things that literally DO NOT matter). Pardon me for going absolutely off the wall with whatever the fuck this is, sorry

Man cause i dont want to go ape again part two its on a public blog this time, But even with the term monster its just like... obviously i dont even really like the term but with a lack of anything anymore positive might as well go with the one thats been softened to the point of whatever in ye moderne times.

A cartoony monster, a ghoul, a shifting mass, some kinda shuffling mass, those are all cute. Those are all fine to me. Those are all what i feel drawn to. And i hate to say something like things that are “Out Of The Norm” because that sucks! Things unfamiliar, maybe?? Fuck if i know

But i sincerely hate how “monster fucker” has become a thing as in like... like thats just a dude. Thats just a normalass mermaid with a regular “””conventionally attractive””” top half (yet another term i fucking hate with a Passion but again have NO better descriptor for). Or that’s just a dude with a little more hair on him, or straight up just a wolf furry. Or just a dude you can slap a label on like *normalass muscle dude with tiny fangs* This is a vampire :-) God and i hate having to say “normal” too. Like what the fuck. maybe the term is more like, things “accepted” as normal

I hate “monster fucker” for a lot of reasons, one of them is that its just. kind of annoying and grating, but i guess one of the most important is that its like... most of the people who even apply the term to themselves are just like ?? barely going in with it. nothing out of the comfort zone, keeping it to Oh these are monsters sexy lol *picture of a dude that youd see on one of those amazon monster romance novels* . like if you get what im saying

and i dont want to put any particular person on blast by accident, but i wont have this post up for long anyway . just like

is this really what you would consider monsters. and i mean monster in the endearing way, which doesnt fucking exist because of course it doesnt. but you know what i mean. actual monsters and not just.... what, accepted “conventionally attractive” skinny people that are maybe just like... green or something.

im already letting this bullshit post get way out of hand but im still going i guess! because then there is like, oh, Conventionally attractive, or Normal, or FUcking whatever. I hate that shit. i hate saying those things and i hate using the word monster for so much of this. maybe theres something stupid i could say like Oh well features that are accepted by society to be “abnormal” are applied to monsters, and when youre someone with those kinds of features or anything you find yourself drawn to them. and then when the accepted “normal” features are suddenly being applied to what you seek of course youre going to be frustrated. But idk that sounds kind of .... overly simplified to me, i suppose

i love monsters. i hate calling it that. I hate calling myself that. i hate having nothing easier to say. and i Hate that people think that this is what “monster” means, in the loving and beautiful sense. these arent monsters. These are just the same thing i see every goddamn day

but im guessing if i want to find what im actually looking for, i have to turn to horror. and i do love horror, but....... man. you already know what i want to say, and hundreds of people have said it before me. Im running out of steam and i have to take a bath now, desperately

What’s supposed to make a “monster” a Monster? why have we assigned so many normal things as “strange” and “monstrous” features? why is it that when the romanticization of “monsters” becomes more known, theyre made palatable for the people that called these things monstrous to begin with?

i dont know. i think im basically talking out of my ass. I enjoy beautiful ghouls and beautiful people. It’s the same thing. you ever been to chilis

also adding this in really quick, again, i have no idea what im doing. this is in no way a personal attack on the people who designed stuff like the monster game above, im just very tired

[ddarker-dreams]

Online Love. Yan Shigaraki x Reader [Part 5]

Shigaraki has never had a full grasp on understanding others.

It’s never presented itself as an issue before, due to his unique lifestyle that doesn’t require him to rely upon others to the same extent most do. He doesn’t need to bend himself to the will of others. If anything, people need to mold themselves to his liking. 

There’s no place for coquettish remarks and hidden agendas for the people around Shigaraki. He wouldn’t care for it, and they’d be cut off without a second thought. 

So where do you fit into that? 

He doesn’t know himself. The black and white relationships that stay in neat, understandable boxes for him are all but wrecked by your presence. Where his underlings bite their tongue and present themselves to his liking, you feel no obligation to do the same.

You live as you please, speaking to him as you please. The rules he’s used to don’t apply to you, you don’t even know they exist in the first place. If anyone acted as you did towards Shigaraki, they’d undoubtedly be killed for it. 

There’s a fondness that’s reserved solely for you. 

Even so, he can’t help but feel aggravated at how you’ve been treating him lately. The past three days have been a miserable stretch, his mood taking a turn for the worst. Not due to anything you’ve said to him, no, but because of the opposite.

You haven’t messaged him in seventy-two hours. 

This has never happened before, in the entire time he has known you. In the past three days you’ve not logged onto any of your games, responded to his messages, or uploaded on social media. He’s aware of the fact that you’re physically fine -- a bit of stalking ensured that nothing had happened to you.

A part of him almost wishes that was the case, so he could make sense of it. It would be undoubtedly easier to digest the situation, and he could get you out of the situation with ease.

But the aspect of the unknown is what troubles him the most. His mind wonders pathetically, grasping at any straws to make sense of why you’ve been living your life normally; just without him. 

Staring at his monitor in the dim light of his room, Shigaraki grimaces at the blinking cursor in front of him. Coarse fingers hover over the keyboard, wanting so desperately to seek you out; but unsure of how to go about it. He wants to demand an explanation. 

Were you really able to live your life peacefully without him? Did Shigaraki delude himself of the symbiotic relationship he once believed you two shared? 

His teeth ache from the hours spent grinding together, neck raw from constant scratching. Sleep has all but evaded him, as he spent hours painfully waiting for you to come back to him. For things to go back into the routine he was used to. 

Your absence serves as a reminder of how much he needs you. 

Narrowing his bloodshot eyes, he abruptly stands from his trash covered desk and stalks over towards the door. How dare you ignore him, how dare you treat him like this! Did he mean nothing to you all along? Have you just been waiting for the chance to cut him off, having been secretly disgusted by him all along?

Fury masks over any secret feelings of hurt, Shigaraki intent on demanding Kurogiri to warp him over to you. He’d get an explanation one way or another. Even if he had to pry it from you. Staying idle any longer would surely be the death of him.

Before he opens the door, he hears the custom alert. The one that he had set for you, so he could always know when you were messaging him. 

Shigaraki’s mind goes blank as he goes back over to his computer. He wonders if it was imagined, only to be disproved by a message from you on his screen.

From: [First] 2:06 AM

hello tomo-kun

That... that’s it? Mouth slightly agape from confusion, Shigaraki’s mind races with countless responses. Ranging from cruel words directed at you for ignoring him for so long, to inquiring about what even caused it in the first place. But none of them are typed out as he delivers an equally mundane response. 

To: [First] 2:06 AM

Hey

Anyone else would’ve been facing the wrath of hell right now, but Shigaraki manages to contain himself. Knowing that you haven’t forgotten about him or discarded him was enough to momentarily distract him from his previous rage. Biting his finger nails that were already short from countless hours of similar activity, he awaits your response. 

From: [First] 2:10 AM 

i’m sorry that i haven’t been around... 

From: [First] 2:11 AM

i’ve been having kinda a bad time lately with some stuff. but if it’s okay with you can we play some comp? i kinda just wanna take my mind off it. if you’re not busy that is 

It isn’t concern that he feels, but an undying curiosity. If something major had happened to you, like a death of a loved one, he would’ve known about it by now. What could’ve happened that upset you this much that he wasn’t alerted about? 

Shigaraki silently ponders to himself. Maybe he needs better scouts. 

To: [First] 2:12 AM 

Whatever you want, idm

An immediate response. 

From: [First] 2:12 AM

thank u, i appreciate it

From: [First] 2:13 AM

aaa i feel so dumb. im sorry im sure i worried you. i just havent been in the mood to talk to anyone. its nothing like crazy or anything im fine, just some life stuff 

Shigaraki’s never been the best at comforting people, as it’s a task that he’s never been given. He can barely take care of himself, much less anyone else. But in situations like this, he feels you’re supposed to offer something. Only for you would he stretch himself in this way.

To: [First] 2:15 AM 

What happened 

It might seem like a lackluster response, but to anyone who knows Shigaraki it would come as a surprise. People’s personal affairs have never interested him in the slightest, but you’re a unique case. 

From: [First] 2:16 AM

wellllll its kinda stupid but ig it doesnt hurt to tell you lmao 

From: [First] 2:17 AM

ive... ive had a crush on this guy for a long time. we’ve known one another for a few years, stuff like that. anyways i worked up the courage to ask him out and he got upset at me. saying stuff like im ruining our friendship. it was just really bad, and ever since then ive been on auto pilot 

The word crush hits him like a ton of bricks. He’s incapable of focusing on anything else in that moment, as time all but comes to a stop. His breathing uneven, and hands shaky; he sits back from the light of his screen. Disgust isn’t the right word for it, it doesn’t begin to describe the barrage of emotions he’s experiencing. 

You liked someone. You liked someone that isn’t him. 

Even if he actually wanted to, he couldn’t fake a decent response to your message. All along he’s been under the impression that you may return his feelings. That all the little gestures meant you treasure him on the same level he does you, and that you would one day be his. 

Hours spent daydreaming of you sweetly confessing to him come to mind, as his vision goes red. 

It doesn’t matter how. He’s going to find out who this cesspool of human waste is, he’s going to savor tearing each limb from their body and take pleasure in his screams of agony. Shigaraki will take care of this individual personally, wanting them to suffer in the same way he has. 

There isn’t any way you could like someone else. This all has to be a joke, a cruel prank with an eventual punchline. There’s no other way to make sense of it. No one else could be even remotely deserving of your affections other than him, and no one will ever have them if he could do anything about it.

He will figure out what to do with you and your betrayal later. For now, only this apple of your eye has his attention. Countless cruel ideas flood his thoughts like a tidal wave, a malicious grin breaking out onto his face. 

Shigaraki will make them pay.

[urmomsstuntdouble]

i hope this helps you in your ranting/rambling mood! im curious about what hetalia canon you’d change, if any, and why. alternatively, what canon do you wish the fandom would pay more attention to?

1thanks for the ask! sorry this is so late btw, i sort of had to be Out and About today, but i do have many thoughts. i hope this is to your liking :)

 so the first thing that comes to mind is how infuriating the canon ages are. i dont think hima put very much thought into how ages work, or maybe he tweaked it to fit a specific character without considering the internal logic of the series at large. what he did was make it so that every character is about the same age during the modern day, and painted himself into a corner where ages need to be traced backwards from the present day, if that makes sense. like he wants everyone to be in their teens or 20s but not all countries are the same “age” if you can say that..idk, like how china and america could be confused for being the same age when china is like 25 times older than him. and this sort of results in some anachronisms (which, anachronisms and misinformation are inevitable when you try to personify countries because you’re just one person writing your interpretation of history and you have biases and whatnot, which is why its important for fans to DO YOUR RESEARCH) or just weird inconsistent stuff like america being the same age during the revolution as he is in the present day and also the entirity of chibitalia.

chibitalia makes absolutely no sense beyond a narrative perspective, and the narrative didnt even need children for it to be good. im also especially annoyed by chibitalia because it serves as proof that himaruya doesnt care about the internal logic of age in hetalia. factors such as “strength-” which i assume to mean military power- the economy, political stability, and cultural identity are what seem to be the driving forces behind the nations’ ages. so let’s take a look at chibitalia through those lenses. if we’re talking military power in the time frame of chibitalia, which im taking to be the early modern period (1500-1800), but it really could be When Fucking Ever during the hapsburg rule of northern italy. the papal states managed to organize and carry out several crusades to recapture jerusalem, and despite none of them being successful and also occasionally resulting in wars against the turks, it does take a lot to consistently organize and carry out that sort of military action without having what we today would consider a politically unified country. this is sort of acknowledged in canon, although its more of an offhanded mention thats brought up once and then never mentioned again, when turkey says that italy kicked his ass one time a couple hundred years ago. concerning the economy, italy’s economy during the early modern period was off the shits, actually. the whole. renaissance thing? although john green raises an interesting point of Did The Renaissance Actually Happen, its a convenient name for the time period, so we’re going with it. and especially where venice is concerned, seeing as venice was one of the wealthiest city states in the entire country, and i believe veneto still is. and then there’s political stability- this is an interesting one because it can be interpreted in different ways both in and out of the hetalia canon. for example, former soviet states are depicted as being younger, despite many of them being very old countries, and america and canada are depicted as babies during the colonial period- even though the colonies basically governed themselves with little oversight from the british crown. this also applies to moldova, who is referenced as being a fierce warrior by hungary when she’s a kid- about 1000 years ago- and is still depicted as being a 12 year old in the modern day. i think where chibitalia is concerned, hima used the control of northern italy by the hapsburg dynasty and the holy roman empire to mean that there was a lack of political strength for the northern italian city states, but! the final say in all matters belonged to the church. it had been like that for hundreds of years, and the church was very much not a design of the hre or the hapsburg dynasty. the church was kind of in greater control over the hre and the hapsburgs than the actual monarchs (until 1648) at some points, which i think would make italy a bit more politically strong than austria or hre. not that he’d be a whole adult or anything, more that they’d all be around the same age physically- or even that austria would be younger! and of course the italian cultural identity was long since formed. because of all that i dont think it makes any goddamn sense for italy to be a child- and of course this also applies to romano, who’s mostly representing naples and sicily. some things are different of course due to the north/south split, but most of this does apply to both. 

anyway, i also think that america’s age makes no sense. i love america as a teenager, i really do. teenagers scare the living shit out of me and america is teenagers. but the way that he ages is totally historically inaccurate. so he’s a child during the 7 years war? cool. why does he age like a regular human during the interwar period leading up to the revolutionary war? yes america was politically stable yes the south was filthy fucking rich off slave labor, but where’s the american cultural identity? nonexistent. the military might? there is no american military in 1750. so yes america should be a little older than a child, but he shouldn’t be the same adult he is in 1780 that he is in ww2 and in the modern day strips. i think this was done because it might be a lil fucked to have grown ass england be fighting a tween in the revolutionary war strips, although i say lean into that fucked-ness. of course thats just me, although i do think it might be more narratively impactful if arthur was an adult and alfred was a child during the revolutionary war strips, and more accurate. i think 11-14 is a good age, because at the time of the revolution, the states were more like their own countries, and no one particularly had an allegiance to america, they just had an allegiance against britain. people didnt really consider themselves americans over their state until after the war of 1812 (which ended in 1815), so him being middle-school aged at that point in time would really be interesting. kind of like an identity crisis, ya know? because it was, in all honesty, an identity crisis- who were the people of these united states (these united states is the og name)? n e whay, yeah. age is stupid and theres more characters i could talk about but id be here all night and i am tired! 

as for something i wish got more attention by fans, i think just all the weird shit. like they truly are Weird People, absolutely no sex appeal. anyway. im gonna go to sleep now, hope that was a cool answer! 

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / OCTOBER 2, 2019 // making the call

saved the last 2 minutes of this ep for tomorrow to keep on track so heres this

-i just realized laura never asked about the drive before she left last ep. wonder if she'll come back in s3 after tiffanys info finally comes into play

-"do you want to tell me why you think he'd be going after ryan?" wonder if carson thinks is joshua suspected the truth or found out about lucy having a baby and now hes all panicked

-"girl what is on your head??" 😂

-"it might help my dad's case" soooo i love how she said this. like. shes framing it so she can relate what she has to do to others. like she has to justify or give some reason for inviting someone else. she could have just said "im going if u want to come" but instead has to draw focus to her problem first, which is the only reason shes extending an invitation, if it relates to her own problems

-i wonder what lucy dying in the water has influenced her in telling nancy to call the agleaca. wonder if the agleaca found her and helped channel her spirit to apparition form. maybe she saw how lucy died "for love" wonder if the agleaca thought she was a fool or not for it. wonder if lucy would be strong enough to fight something like the agleaca, judging by simon probably not. it would have been cool to see a showdown between them or to watch lucy try to protect nancy from the beyond 😌 maybe the agleaca trying to take owen was her trying to give a warning? she was actually trying to "help" a la lucy/george's prediction was correct. sadly, we'll never know

-LOVE bess sitting criss cross on the bartop 😂and love the bess/owen cousins' call 🙏🏻💙

-this convo nancy has w owen at the police station reminds me of the kidnapping ep. when nick tries to help nancy she shoots him down. he tries to reason w her but unsuccessfully. what exactly is owen doing/saying differently? or is this just a reflection of how much nancy actually likes him? im just interested in the contrast. nick and owen both have calm, logical approaches. theyre both honest about wanting to be there for her. maybe the subject matter? in response to gombers warehouse nick was talking about facing old fears, which nancy definitely did do. but since nancy is primordially uninterested in discussing feelings, that was a no go. i think nancy even telling owen she was tracking a biotech ceo was a hugeconcession for her. or was it just because nick was inaccessable sexually but owen had potential? ¿ questions.

-LOVE owen side-eyeing nancy at this hilarity if a convo (and fucking Chad?? lmaoooo he is sostupid enough to fall for this probe)

-"i have to admit, that was kind of fun" / "i cant remember the last time i had this much fun" / "almost as fun as a real fight"

-"i got a D in french" well george if u retake it now you'll get a P instead 🤪

-"theres one more thing" so am i stupid or?? whats the second thing nick and ace have to tell her at the police station? that karen signed the form? bc nancy already figured that out so im confused.

-so karen in the security video is wearing the sweet purple pantsuit from the garden party ep which i checked the dates and yeah its about a month ago from today

-"i know the system favors the privileged" just imagine karen working her way up to detective as a young woman haunted by pain. and then her meeting the drews and nancy and having her remind karen of lucy, her cleverness, her spirit, but not knowing why. it just sucks bc in a male dominated field karen was trying to get justice and do good and then this happens

-"you tore two families apart" nancy's and tiffany's but this quote also applies to lucy's death tearing apart lucy's family (with her mom and josh) and ryan's (d/t not knowing nancy is his)

-UNPOPULAR OPINION: karen/josh - hatefuck- reuniting somehow (how did they reconnect? who called who?) when he gets back in town, come up with a plan, start an affair d/t their shared pain over lucy? then she fucks around with carson? why go there?

-"i loved your mom like a sister" / "i'm just glad my mom's not around to see who you've become" x2 now that we know the truth all these statements from karen especially just get heavier. like what bad luck to bond with two strong women who have to leave you like this (karen is a unique foil to nancy where they both have a connection to kate and lucy each)

-when ace says "i know nancy" thom just has this look on his face like "....oh youre in deep. sigh"

-hannah's disappearances "maybe she has nancys work ethic" in s2 she was shown out and about doing stuff and we know her burns were supernaturally caused but i wonder if hannah herself dabbles in anything else thet keeps her busy 🤔

-"300 pages about men and women get 2 pages in the back" 🙃preach

-i hate how in s2 they all forget this convo of nance literally saying "i cant ask you guys to do this" when they all blame her for every ill that ever happened ever

-THIS BITCH JUST PUTS HER BARE ASS HANDS ON HIS FUCKING OPEN WOUNDS???

-and it's snowing? in october? but only where they are by this part of the ocean?

-wait how does owen know bess sleeps in a van and does nothing about that?

-kissy faces😘😘see owen willing to meet nancy where shes at is soooo important. like him having his secret apartment in the city 👌🏻even tho she rejects him taking her out like he always wants he doesnt mind that he cant. hes not like nick- he doesnt mind being kept quiet (until bess's accidental reveal) his acceptance of her boundary there actually keeps him closer to her

and lastly

-george liking nick is so cute

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Shinkai Kaze no Shou Drama Translation - Shogunate Dogs and Puppies

last post of the month!  so as always, i’ll end by asking if you can please support through ko-fi, through paypal or patreon, the latter will give you early access to my stuff and blog translations (changed the tiers)…. also let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my looking for list  since i either do not have audio for those cds or do not have audio that i can share... 

Anyway! im finally done with this! AND I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE HOW LUCKY I AM THAT THE AUDIO WAS POSTED FOR THIS RECENTLY!

also the 3rd and 5th sanan tsukikage chapters were re-posted so I saved them as pdfs this time (also kazama’s 7th chapter was taken down but i thankfully already had that saved as a pdf). if im lucky, that translator will repost the other chapters they took down... tho i’m likely not going to translate any of that since i still have a shit ton of stuff on my to-do list plus... ginsei no shou is what im interested in... and i really wanna find some saito stuff to translate lol. especially given the cgs. they’re sooooooooooooooooooo pretty!

lol. as always, final edits will be done on the video (will be delayed due to me being busy)... and since I translated this before I actually heard this cd, I just went with what the Mandarin pingyin reads as for several things in this drama translation. also, there’s a lot of barking not directly mentioned in my tl that i didn’t see in the original TL i used for this.

Aside from the Shinsengumi Oni-tan drama, this is the 2nd drama I’ve always wanted to translate... with the 3rd being ???? xD. only translated track 6 of that one for some reason, and it’s a +30 min drama so i have no idea when it’ll get posted (the 4th would be the Thumb-sized samurai one cuz i’m still annoyed at how i only got tl for 4/7 tracks while the 5th would be the vita zuisouroku one”手紙” for the same reason since im missing tl for tracks 1-6 for that. T_T did find tl for the 妖刀始末记 drama cd i was missing translations for though i don’t have the audio for that). 

image from suruga-ya.

enjoy~!  do not repost this elsewhere!

Hakuoki Shinkai Kaze no Shou Drama CD “Shogunate Dogs and Puppies”

Translation by KumoriYami

Hijikata: ha.. really. I didn't expect to work so late. the sun's already gone down/set.

Yamazaki: Although we planned on getting back before dinner... it is unlikely that we'll make it.

Hijikata: Yeah.... now that dinner is over, i hope that those idiots haven't eaten everything.

Yamzaki: vice-commander, if you wish to hurry, we can take shortcuts/a shortcut.

Hijiakta: shortcuts? is there a shortcut nearby?

Yamazaki: Yes, it's not a well-known [??] shortcut, (and) could affect the vice-commander's safety, so I don't really recommend it....

Hijikata: No, it doesn't matter. Lead the way. If the Shinsengumi's vice-commander doesnt dare to go, it would be a problem.

Yamazaki: I understand. Then please, go this way.

Hijikata: So/Originally, as long as you passed this road we'd be near headquarters. But/However this shortcut feels a little creepy.

Yamazaki: There were reports of wild dog attacks here. I'll go first, also vice-commander please make yourself quieter----What was that noise/sound?!

[I assume that Yamazaki means for Hijikata to make quieter movements though I can't say that for certain. "也請副長多加小" literally word for word: also please vice-commander much/many add/plus small]

Hijikata: Yamazaki! Get ready! (sword gets drawn) It's in the grass over there!

Yamazaki: Wa! Wh-what... is that a wild dog?

hijikata: no, it's just a puppy. did it get separated from its parents?

puppy: wuwu.....

Yamazaki: Do-don't come (over)/cause trouble....go!

Hijikata: hey, when you meant wild dogs, did you mean this guy? Although it's a bit surprising, however isn't this cute? I thought it was a bandit/robber——

Kazama: hm, I was wondering what was making so much noise over here, it turns out it was the Shogunate's hunting dog/lackey playing around with a stray dog? What a funny display/an interesting sight to behold.

Yamazaki: You are Kazama Chikage....?!

Hijikata: Che! In a sense, this guy is [even] worse than a bandit/robber...... Why have you come here?!

Kazama: That's my line/what I should bee saying. Avoiding the main road, taking this shortcut to imitate a dog and steal a chicken [idiom], all I can see in my eyes/before me are people with no sense of shame.

Hijikata: Hey! Look at yourself before speaking of others! If you show up here, it also means that you're very suspicious.

Kazama: Hm, applying [accusing] what you saying to others/applying what you are doing to others is proof of how despicable you are. [As expected of the] Shogunate's hunting dog, truly how shameless. I originally had no business with you today, but I am not so forgiving as to ignore a bunch of bastard dogs who are always trying to pick a fight.

Hijikata: Interesting. Want to fight?

Kazama: Hmph, just watch how I cut you, and your sword covered in dog filth.

Hijikatta: That's what I was thinking/just what I want, I'll be able to rid myself of you!

Kazama: hmph, "the weaker dog will always bark/the weaker the dog is, the more it will bark" and that barking has been happening from the start.......This is only the start.... and I'm bored to death! What's wrong, I've been shouting since just now!

Yamazaki: C-calm down, dog! come on! come, sit down!

Hijikata: I think I've suddenly lost my will to fight.... Oi, Kazama! Is this dog yours? If it is, hurry up and take it with you [away]!

Kazama: How stupid! How could I have taken in such a filthy dog. Since you're all dogs, it should be a companion of you guys!

Hijikata: Who knows, we don't have a clue. But, what's to be done about this guy?

Yamazaki: The way it''s been barking, has ruined the atmosphere for a fight.

Kazama: Really...... it's no fun if you're saying that you were disturbed by a puppy barking as an excuse for losing. (sheathes blade). Hey, I'll wait. You guys get that dog to shut up now.

hijiktat: don't talk to yourself!

Kazama: Hurry up! Talking is a waste of time.

Hijikata: Che[? the definition of the TL here is 'to yawn' so i'm guessing that this might be more of a 'tsk' or 'che']! hey yamazaki, you think of a way to get the dog to shut up.

Yamazaki: M-me? If that's an order, I will comply...... but just now it didn't quiet down at all.

Kazama: Haha...... the Shogunate's hunting dog has been fooled by a wild dog? You indeed all resemble each other. 

Hijikata: You don't have the qualification to talk to us! Hey, have you gotten it to shut up yet?

Yamazaki: It apparently seems to be warning us, as long as we aren't hostile, it should be quiet.

Kazama: Oh.....then you've truly given up. It was probably barking because of how dreadful/awful/fearful/hideous your faces look. Do you want to cover up your faces?

Hijikata: What are you saying about our faces being dreadful? Your face looks more awful than ours, so it was probably barking at that? What do you think? Yamazaki.

Yamazaki:......Uh, ah! yes! I believe Kazama's face is extremely dreadful.

Hijikata: hey, wait...... why was that silence just now?

Yamazaki: It, it's nothing! It absolutely didn’t mean anything!

Kazama: Quit it with the senseless questions and answers. Quickly get that dog to be quiet!

Hijikata: damn it! When this is over, remember this (for me [will probably omit that])! Yamazaki, let's go! Hey, isn't it time [for you] to shut up now? If you don't calm down, don't you know what the consequences will be?........Damn, the barking is really difficult to deal with. Be good, don't worry, so stop barking.

Kazama: hey, just now were you guys trying to please [coax?] it?

Hijikata: ah? Don't bother me!!

Puppy: wanwanwanwan, wanwanwan!!!

Yamazaki: Vice-commander, this is counter-productive. it's rare for that guy to be a bit honest......

Kazama: One or two stray/wild dogs cannot be ordered into doing something, it seems that the dignity of the Shogunate's hunting dog is of no use.

Hijikata: You mouth speaks very well...... however in the end, this guy only started barking after you showed up.

Yamazaki: Indeed. That is to say, the reason for this barking isn't us, rather it is you!

Kazama: What? Being unable to get this dog to shut up, you decide to blame someone else? How unsightly.

Yamazaki: If you were unrelated as you say, why does this dog keep barking at you?!

Kazama: Apparently this lowly dog is unable to understand its position. Then I shall personally get it to shut its mouth.

Hijikata: What do you want to do?  Could it be you want to...!

Kazama: It'll only takes a moment to shut it up!

Hijikata: Hey! Stop.... Nn? What's that?

Kazama: ah, since it seems like you want to eat this dango [i’m assuming ‘dango’ is said here since the tl is ‘dumpling.’ usually whenever i see ‘dumpling the audio puts it as dango], I'll give it to you to eat. Dislikeable/ Disagreeable/ Annoying dog [kinda like 'what a disagreeable fellow' i guess? can't really say for certain since no audio].

Hijikata: I thought you were going to kill it!

Kazama: To always cut down those who hinder you........ is it because you normally do such a thing, that you can only think in this way?

Hijikata: There's no such thing! To use food instead of words/To actually say such a thing using food, you're so/truly despicable/mean!

Kazama: That is completely baseless, I only made the use of everything to stop this. Anyway, this guy is only a domestic animal, it's impossible to for it to not have an appetite. What's the matter? Now that it's satisfied, it's quiet so come——

puppy: wan! wanwan......!

Hijikata: What's wrong? It didn't quiet down/calm down at all.

Yamazaki: That seemed to have the opposite effect. It seems to be asking for more/for you to feed it again

Kazama: che, don't you know how to be grateful? what are you dissatisfied with?

HIjikata: Seeing you speak like that, it seems that you also aren't able to accomplish/do it?

Kazama: Let me first say, that it is barking for different reasons. It's barking at you guys because it think your faces are terrible while its barking at me is to ask me to give it more [feed it again... i think makes more sense].

Hijikata: Whatever you say, regardless/in the end, this problem still hasn't been resolved.

Yamazaki: It's as he says/He's right. What are you going to do this time/So what are you going to do with it......

Kazama: Leave it to me, I'll show you what I can do.

Yamazaki: Kazama! You're still trying to kill this dog---

Kazama: Insignificant and lowly dog that is barking! Shut up!!

puppy: wuwu......

Kazama: hmph, see? My majesty/prestige/dignity/authority [??? i guess something like 'behold my authority'?]

Yamazaki: You're just threatening it to keep/stay quiet....? Eh? (It's) Not barking?

Kazama: Okay, now that the annoying guy has shut up, we can continue.

Hijikata: So the outcome/result was like this..........Good grief. Are you ready?

Kazama: I'm up [assuming im ready/prepared].

puppy: wanwanwan! wanwan.......!

Kazama: You guys....! I ordered you to shut up, why are you yelling/barking again?!

Hijikata: What's wrong? You'll have to calm it down and show us.

Yamazaki: Kazama Chikage, what do you intend to do? You took charge of this dog/The dog is in your charge.  

Kazama: Hah....! (sheathes sword) Hmph, dogs and dogs really fit together, I truly am stupid for playing around with you guys. I'm going.

Puppy: wan! wanwan!

Yamazaki: Exactly what does this puppy want?

Hijikata: Is it trying to get between/obstruct/hinder us.... Maybe it's trying to stop us from fighting.

Yamazaki: This... how is that possible/how can this be?

Hijikata: Okay, we've wasted enough time, it's time to go.

Yamzaki: Yes. However/But, how should the dog be handled?

Hijkata: It's impossible to bring it back to headquarters, though it might be heartless... but/however, I believe dogs have their own world. Even if we don't worry about it, it'll survive.

Yamazaki: I understand.

Kazama Chikage, Tsuda Kenjirō Hijikata Toshizou, Miki Shinichiro Yamazaki Susumu, Suzuki Takayuki

--End--

....i wanna complain that ive had no motivation to do anything music related since the pandemic started... tho i’m guessing part of it’s owed to listening to increase of songs from TSFH and metal gear, the majority of which don’t really work on piano... maybe that’ll change if i start a certain switch game lol....

next month, i have various translated things from various mediums scheduled.

[mollydollyjournals]

Its Thursday 1st July and I hit post limit so all I can do is update this post

I just want to drink til i pass out

9:46pm - oh when did i post this? Doesnt matter i guess. It really annoys me that the daily post limit applies to all blogs you have. I have 2 and i follow a lot of NSF- stuff so i have so much in my queue for my other blog, and i tend to post more immediately for that so i dont end up with a massive backlog, but thaats when i hit the limit. Whatever it is. I basically just wish i could set the queue to post more often when i have more there. Just post every 15mins or whatever and it'd go through quicker without me having to do it myself

Idk it doesnt matter i guess. Im still just venting all my bullshit here that i cant put anywhere else. But now is when i need it. I want interaction and company but i dont want to bother anyone and I dont know what to do with it. I dont have it in me to try to be a person right now. Tumblr is for messy. At least thats how i do.

But once you hit post limit it apparently doesnt even let you delete stuff to post anything else. I havent been here in years really so i totally forgot. Plus it could have been different anyway. Idk. Guess i will just drink until i disintegrate or something

10:20pm - it just makes me feel worse. I know theres a reason for post limit and its not the end of the world. Just it doesnt reset til 5am and I'll be asleep by then which means for the rest of today i cant actually say anything, and that kinda fucks with my derealisation/depersonalisation/whatever it is. I need acknowledgement to feel real. I need people to remind me that i exist. Even just a little. Its stupid and insecure but i do. Everything is worse since covid and being stuck in a house with someone who barely acknowledges my existence. I feel like a ghost. I feel netter at least a little temporarily if someone just sees and acknowledges me. And currently i can't do anything about that. Nobody is going to go to my page(s) and see whats up, its not that kind of thing. Even if it was they still wouldnt. I put on my other social media fucking ages ago that i was really struggling, then i disappeared, and it took days for it to get noticed at all. Then only 3 people acknowledged it. People have their own lives and there are algorithms etc so i cant be angry at them, but the end result is i still feel really alone.

I often feel like i want to just talk to people. Only a select few. Its not that i necessarily need to talk about "deep" stuff, but i need to know that i could if i needed to. Or if we just both happened to be in that mood at the same time. Like how i dont wanna talk about something totally innocent and generic with someone who turns out to be racist or whatever.

I dont know. Maybe i do need to talk some shit through right now. Doesnt matter either way. Ill most likely just be back to this post later to say more about how i dont really feel like being alive.

10:39pm - I hate that im like this. I dont know if its reasonable or not. I used to be someone who wantes so much space. I still dont feel like i want to always be around people. I must have some individuality somewhere. But i cant find it. Since the pandemic hit especially, it just highlighted everything ive been missing and trying to supplement. I need things to change. But i dont have a hope of doing so while i feel like this. Im so lost. Ive spent my life trying to be confident in myself and ive run my reserves dry. I so rarely get any help topping up. I fucking hate the whole Strong Black Woman trope. Im tired. Ive carried my family since I was 13 and romantic partners have expected me to carry them too. I need to be held and comforted. I need support. If nothing else i need to just be acknowledged. I dont feel like a person. Im invisible and inaudible so much of the time and apparently that only changes when someone wants to see or hear me. When do i get to be a person in my own right? When does someone actually see or hear me for who i am and care about my existence regardless of what it does for them

10:54pm - its the worst of my mental health, tbh, that i dont feel like its worth trying anything if its not going to be acknowledged and welcomed by anyone else. Existing included. I feel my worst and most suicidal when i cant have anyone remember that i exist. Because maybe i dont. Maybe people dont miss me or think of me unless theyre reminded for some specific reason. And i say these things because i want to be proved wrong but why would anyone.

I want to cut. I hate this stupid post limit. I could have at least distracted myself by reblogging stuff for a bit. Im still spiralling. I need a distraction and there isnt one and there wont be one and if i even get through tonight itll just be another reminder that in the end im alone

11:24pm - something feels particularly cruel about not being able to post here, even if i delete stuff. Its just an app sure but its the closest thing i have to therapy. I came back here specifically because i was struggling posting on my regular social media and having people not pay any attention. I thought id make a fresh anonymous account where i could vent and my shitty brain couldnt take it personally if nobody acknowledged it. Now i just have all that shit going round my head and nowhere to put it. Im right back where i started. Nobody will read this. If they do they wont care. If by some chance they did they'll be put off by me being so negative.

"One day someone will hug you so tight all tour broken pieces will fit back together" yeah sure. Whatever.

[flakopancho]

on that russell brand wap video

video starts he is bored, by his tone,  with the song, cant be bothered to pronounce wap correctly, dismissive but has some insight..ok

he is more interested in what the media is saying about the song so he is being a gossip instead of an art critic off the bat but maybe he’d say social critic weak cop out with him reading the guardians definition of the video instead of what cardi and meg say or even give his own summary of the song also side note i heard the song and thought it was average and video was boring it also is weird to me we are stuck on the hamster wheel of female sexuality in rap at least like didnt lil kim foxy brown trina nicki minaj my neck my back my pussy and my crack already put a period on these convos when he says that cardi and meg are aspiring to the patriarchies values which completely duhumanizes them and takes their agency away, like they just actually enjoy their wet ass pussies and its a human value not a systematic inoculated value. so stfu there is no replicating values from males its just females getting to be female and it has nothing to do with hierarchy or patriarchy...which is revolutionary then she starts going on about TRADITIONAL VALUES so dumb , defining what men and women are generally but ignoring you cant apply averages to individuals and thats even ignoring the fact that bravery is considered male in his diatribe... then calling margaret thatcher a woman man and saying she expels male values like wtf do you hate yourself that much and see women and people who arent white as innocent pure sinless waifs....part of humanity is our potential for evil and dismissing that to sexism or racism is an insult on top of the pity conventional female values--- gagging maybe he didnt mean these things but talked about them from societies perspective but he still seems to be talking from that side---- there is nothing wrong with objectification he is a complete lunatic - you can objectify all day and still see humanity beyond the objectification - its fun to be objectified its fun to objectify its fun to make an object (art piece) of your self if that is your job as a visual artist like cardi and meg, and even if not everyone agrees objectification is good is my opinion void because it doesnt agree with yours what kind of revolution are we having here...and russell take your tattoos off then those are objects those are false idolss if meg and cardi lived in the perfect utopia that russel envisions, and wanted to express their sexuality - how would they do it without being objectified... focusing on the body or sadnesss or happiness apart from the complete humanity of someone is objectifying that one part and if we were in utopia it would still be consumed as a commodity...whats wrong with a commodity...exploitation of commodities through not paying workers or raising prices unfairly is wrong but just now the idea of commodity is wrong...isnt that video he is making to be a gossip also a commodity wap isnt doing enough cause it isnt calling out who has power in the systems that so dumb - go live in an artless world til everyone is fed then why is he wasting his time on philosophy of the mainstream people are starving out there. cardis bernie campaigning wasnt enough now her work and personal self expression needs to be exploited by your cause for revolution isnt a youtube video about as far away from a product as you can get - how is it different than making a vlog like he is doing - they both selling the product of themselves in both cases they are objectifying their authenticity its still the same aesthetic its the same values and ideals...uhhh no its not women in rap changed the definition of what men in america find attractive and in different time periods different body types were attractive cause it changes with cultures there was a womens body revolution and it has 99% percent to do with thicc women in hip hop not conforming to the "male" but i would say human standards of the 50s-80s at least 

before capitilism were their women owning their sexuality...yes so its not a product of capitalism we should be aspiring to an entirely different set of values not who has the power in these values...so he is saying cause women are taking power in the same system its not a good thing and shouldnt be celebrated..i do agree with that to a degree but i also could see the power shift as a step on the way to a different value system, but also im not going to be zealot and hate on cardi and meg for not having my same level of desire for a utopia revolution or a rapture i also dont see wap as a commentary on social structures just maybe dating when you are younger power which russell was a part of, like he says as ive gotten older my values have changed, welll then maybe the same will happen for the young women doing the same shit you were doing, old and wise is only old and wise when you dont see it as a personal revelation you had instead of seeing all older people change their values to more conservative back in my day bull shit so he is scared of power and attractive to him cause, o my god these women are so beautiful, the whole video is about his own sex addiction and blaming the pretty girls for getting grabbed on what are we looking for, something fun to dance to, something to give me confidence, something to make silly videos undermining the sexuality entirely, its not just porn porn porn like he is trying to claim so fucking stupid this russell brand video is the same as the ben shapiro i aint squeamish about sex but this is not making people equal....wtf are you talking about he also wont go as far to say what the ideologies cardi and meg are fighting which im curious about ooo so now he says meg and cardi dont need to be doing anything other than commodity, admits hes puritanical, sees it through a warped lense what was the point of this video. spend 15 minutes seemingly arguing that they are being too sexual, just capitalist pawns, not radicals and will make poor russell want to packer his peepee

then say in one minute well that was all bullshit and should cardi and meg be doing something different...no so dumb

[carryonmybloodylovelies]

2020-20 questions ;)

i was tagged by the very cool @neck-mole the amazing @thehoneyedhufflepuff and the lovely @milo-fanarts (hi babe ily)

1. Do you make your bed?

yes actually! every single morning when i wake up. its like a part of my routine now so if i don’t do it it makes me suuuuper uncomfortable.

2. Favorite number? 

8! (my soccer number)

3. What’s your job? 

mostly just babysitting but i do babysit for around 12 different families so :) i did just apply for an almost daily tutoring job but idk if i’ll get it my chances aren’t that good :(

4. If I could would I go back to school? 

i’m in school right now and i cant WAIT to get tf out. i’m currently a high school junior and also a college freshman because of the program i’m in. if all goes well and i don’t die before i graduate, i hopefully will be graduating high school with my associates degree. 

5. Can you parallel park? 

LMAO

6. A job people would be surprised I had? 

i was a paid intern at a real estate tech company for like a month last summer and honestly it was one of the coolest jobs i’ve ever had. 

7. Do you think Aliens are real? 

god i hope so

8. Can you drive a standard car? 

yes! i actually bought my own car but currently its kinda broken rn :/ so im trying to save up enough money to fix it

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? 

tiktok. oh god its so fucking stupid and funny and i literally love it. i don’t make anything tho 

10. Tattoos? 

as soon as i turn 18 babey!!!! my first one is gonna be on the inside of my wrist of a lil ocean scene for my nana, i want an octopus tattoo on my leg, i want a bookshelf tattoo, i want a tattoo of this skull and flowers thing that i designed myself when i was like 14, and then i want tattoo(s) for my top 3 favorite books/series (Carry On, Captive Prince, and the Raven Cycle) 

11. Favorite color? 

any conceivable combo of blue and green 

12. Things people do that drive you crazy? 

people who keep talking about things i’ve made clear i am uncomfortable/annoyed/upset talking about. its usually done by my family members whether they realize it or not

13. Any Phobias? 

uhhhh no i don’t think so. except homoPHOBIA ahahhhahhaha what a great joke raegan 

14. Favorite childhood sport? 

soccer!!!! and its still my favorite!!!!!

15. Do you talk to yourself? 

too much. literally all the time. i get into fights or i plan out fanfics or i pretend im tiktok famous or i rant or i literally just. be dumb. 

16. What movie do you adore?

the breakfast club. its a very comforting and fun movie to watch. 

17. Do you like doing puzzles? 

ummmm its really hard for me to focus on shit like that so not really

18. Favorite type of music?

i would say my two main types of music are indie pop and emo. most of the artists i listen to fit into the indie pop style.

19. Tea or coffee? 

tea!!!!! i love tea because it doesnt play games with my stomach like coffee does and i also have this insanely cool octopus mug that i got for my birthday and i love it SO much 

20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? 

a candy shop owner. or a dancer. either one. 

okay legit a lot of people get tagged over and over again for these so ill just do some pals and then leave it open for whoever wants to!!!

@bazypitchandsimonsnow @luzain @lifeasafail @absolute-nightmare @cherrybaz @sarcasticsmolbean @lotus-of-light @hekissesme @snowbazzie @that-one-crazy-girl @crisps-and-curry @saridoodles @drinkitforfree