#what im doing now doesnt apply to ANYTHING .... its so STUPID
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i miss being a construction worker cause honestly a lot of my time on the job i wouldnt do anything LOL but i do genuinely also miss like. the job itself. i miss how a lot of my work revolved around going into empty buildings and go anywhere inside of them. fix them nicely ... whenever there's construction work in the offices and bathrooms and stuff it makes my heart hurt so badly. i love getting glimpses of the utility closets. i always felt like a fly on the wall maintaining an office or building but not really being APART of the culture inside of it yannow. being there transiently
#i try and say things to the custodians and the construction workers that always made my heart sing to hear#and now out of all the people who work in my building a lot of them recognize me and say hi to me specifically lol#i still remember the man who stopped while i was painting the door and said ''thank you for making our office more beautiful''#i still think about that man ... the color i was painting was atrocious honestly LOL but he was so nice to me ..#its funny how much of my assumptions on supervisors and managers and office work turned out to be true#not that im an office worker now#but i work for the people who work in the offices LOL. and ..... yeah ...#but i always felt a kinship with factory workers and warehouse workers too#but i miss being a fly on the wall. i miss maintaining a building lovingly#i miss seeing these secret intricacies of the buildings. of the world#every time i get a glimpse behind a ceiling tile .. i love to see it ... i miss working in it ...#it was painful and tiresome and really worked my shit out differently#but i miss it ....#im glad i have that skill now. i like how i know HOW to patch walls and paint and sand and install shit and everything like that yannow#but i miss how i used to see the world. now my everyday is sort of soulsucking#i hate my job........ with construction work i felt some sense of love about it. some sense of DOING something real#what im doing now doesnt apply to ANYTHING .... its so STUPID#im filled with USELESS knowledge on something so specific its like worthless outside of here#construction skills are like some home ec shit u just like can use in your everyday life#what im doing is like. like its REAL right but its like. REAL STUPID also#i know its not like completely nothing and im learning valuable shit in there right. in SOME way. but god does it feel DUMB .......
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Hello hello! I love reading your Streamer AU for the HSR cast, can I request you to do a part 2 for it hehe š¤©
You can pick whoever you like but can I request one of them to be Fu Xuan? The thought of her streaming is kinda funny HEJISEHWJSHEHEH
Also thank you so much!! You may refer to me as - - Anon šļø
ofc im so sorry that im a few months late though š
Char: Fu Xuan, Topaz, Aventurine the gambler, Blade x gn reader
warnings: ooc, not proofread, swearing, you are pretty :3
Summary: your princess(or partner if you wanna be boring) is a streamer, a popular one at that. this is a fic about: how their chat finds out that you are dating, how they treat you off-stream and on-stream/do they treat you differently
Fu Xuan
How chat found out: it should be pretty easy for anyone to find out if im going to be completely honest. as she is both a bragger and a complainer.
if you had done something, anything, that she didnt like or just thought was stupid, she was going to lovingly complain about it to her following. and yes, this also applies to everything and everything you accomplish.
so uhm, lets just say she also sees no reason to keep such things a secret unless you begged her to not mention your relationship(she would still end up talking abt it at some point).
but luckily her chatters are nice and like you. but they definitely how Fu Xuan pulled you, they do not see the vision of how she did that
On-Stream: she herself does not see any difference in how she treats you whether she is streaming or not. her viewers however, very much see a difference to when you are with her or not
"Fu Xuan seems nicer with [name] around", "Xuan's eyes seems to light up just a little whenever [name] is around", this was not known to her until her following started chatting about this online
her face was unusually red when she read a message about her being soft for you on stream
Off-Stream: she, kissed you more, maybe even more affectionate in general, since she just doesnt like her whole life being online and thinks its unhealthy and dumb.
she is also just way too into you for her to want to share you with the random people watching her on a tuesday afternoon.
Topaz
How chat found out: you forgot she was streaming and brought in a snack for her and numby
and you accidentally called her 'love' while walking in
oh she was so red, and it did not help that she was on a call with aventurine and he heard everything
On-Stream: honestly, couldn't care less about what her following thinks, although she does get embarrassed.
she will hug you she will kiss you.
she will do whatever she wants to do, but is extra shy when Jade is around and watching.
and despite what she say and does, if you ever kissed her infront of the camera she would combust and melt into a little puddle
while numby is just innocently eating her little meal beside you two
Off-Stream: doesnt let go of you unless she actually has to get up and do something without you
loves hugging you, and especially with numby cuddling up with you both
kisses you more and it feels like you're kissing for longer, but this is just your observations
Aventurine
How chat found out: are you kidding? you really dont know? he doesnt stop fucking talking about you
he's playing another gacha game? oh this character kind of looks like [name], i should totally get them
irl stream? he's getting distracted left and right because he saw something that you would like
just on a call with his friends? talking about how pretty you are left and right
he just doesnt stop, there was no way you weren't going to appear on camera at some point
On-Stream: kisses you a lot just for just existing
chat thought it was cute in the start but now its more like when does he stop omfg
hugs you a lot and makes you sit on his lap while he gambles, saying that you bring him more luck
will still not stop bragging about how amazing you are, even when you're just sitting next to him on your phone
Off-Stream: still does not shut up about you, and is still very affectionate
but he is a little more touchy when people arent watching, still wanting you for himself in one way or another
he likes showing you off, but he also values his private life when he isnt the popular streamer Aventurine, being watched by thousands of people
but with you, and only you? he is just Kakavasha
Blade
How chat found out: one word, Kafka.
this is the only possible way other than you yourself walking in to see him streaming and you happen to be on camera.
Kafka, Silver Wolf, and Firefly is the only reason his following knows that he even has a love life to begin with. they talk more about you than he does! betrayer!!
but seriously, Kafka loves to talk about you two to her own viewers as well, even getting Blade to correct her because you can bake, and is very good at it
On-Stream: he doesnt talk about you, this may seem concerning but i assure you he's just shy. if he talked about you on stream it was because they girls made him talk about you.
but he just likes his private life, alright? he also strictly told Kafka to not tell them anything bad about or her head will be on a platter
but no matter, you can go kiss him yourself if you want to, he cant do anything to you
or he will die mentally and hopefully physically
Off-Stream:
absolute bbg
will not let go of you at all, never ever
he's always touching in some way or form the whole day, but when he turns on the camera and starts streaming its like his personality turned around
the only thing remaining is how he longingly looks in your direction whenever you come in with some water
thank u for reading and thank you šļø anon for requesting even tho this was long ago(im still very sorry abt that)- Masterlist
You are welcome to reblog and like any of my posts, but you CAN NOT translate, copy or hate on anybody for liking my posts
#gn reader#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr aventurine#aventurine x reader#blade x reader#hsr blade#fu xuan#fu xuan x reader#topaz and numby#topaz x reader#noelleĀ“s maiden
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So my initial thoughts on Black Myth Wukong are that it's VERY fun. The movement is snappy, the combat is satisfying, its a perfect blend of challenging and rewarding, and while Im not very far into it yet, the skill tree seems well thought out. I havent seen an option on it yet that I look at and go "but how often would I really use that?"
Moreover, your magic skills are all incredibly strong, and learning how and when to use them can make or break your stride. This game is OP done right; even if you lose a fight at first, its usually a simple matter of "oh I just need to do x next time" and bada bing bada boom, its joever. I have yet to come to a fight where Im frustrated over stupid mistakes or getting stuck on geometry or the camera. Every death so far has been fully deserved because I was being impatient.
HOWEVER
After beating the second miniboss (which is a delightful little sneaky tutorial on timing) I notice that the power you get from beating him (red tide) is a little....
Well...
Lets just say Ive beaten every boss up to the Whiteclad Noble by immobilizing them, spamming red tide, and then strafing/dodging until I could repeat, and every single boss goes down in two cycles of that. Its not that their mechanics arent different from eachother or anything, its just that its SO much stronger than base form, AND it applies burn, and that kinda chews through half of the boss's health bar or better in seconds.
The only reason Whiteclad Noble is different is that hes in water the entire fight, so burn doesnt work. But its still a case of just running circles around him waiting for your cooldown to finish up because if youre not right on top of him, he wont really engage until hes under half health. And even then, if you just switch to the poison form of almost exactly the same power (shorter duration but it creates what are essentially turrets), which you can unlock shortly before the fight.... its still just that easy.
Hopefully this wont last the whole game as I build out my mystery monkey more, but for now, I can safely say that overall the game is a riot. Id love to see a multiplayer mode someday.
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Which of the creeps (that you write romantically for) be okay/like a bada$$ s/o? Like every1 is intimidated and every1 thinks that if you try to fight them youāre stupid? Have a great day!!
Creeps with a badass reader!
i actually really like this idea!! also im so so sorry it took me so long to get to this </3!! ive kinda been focusing on art these past few days, and when i havent been drawing ive kinda been. laying in my own. feelings. sleepy.... yk how it is!!
with that said! yeah! i wont be doing all the bare bones list of characters i usually do with non specified characters! to keep true with the prompt im going to stick with characters i feel would like this kind of S/O and/or compliment the readers fierce nature... also going to aim for a more comedic style
LIST OF CHARACTERS: Laughing Jack, Eyeless Jack, Hoodie, Splendorman
CW; mentions of violence
Splendorman;
No because just think about it; a soft easy going cryptid with a strong and ready to fight partner
"he asked for no pickles" dynamic basically imo LMAO
he would rather you tone it down, or at least dont fight for him... he doesnt want you to get hurt, or in trouble..! mostly trouble, he knows you can handle yourself
he wont ever say it but hes internally swooning anytime you fight for him, though. like. "oh? they would do this for me just because someone said something vaguely mean about me?"... hes red in the face
tries to introduce you to new people to make potential friends since he kinda thinks part of your bloodlust(/j) is from loneliness, which in turn makes people see you as.. mean... so its a loop. he doesnt mean it in a bad way! he just cares about your well being!
overall he secretly thinks its hot but hed rather you stay out of trouble and hed try to find ways to make you less fierce...
Laughing Jack;
like splendorman he thinks its hot but he WILL vocalize it
also he thinks its really funny whenever people try to antagonize you
pulls a bag of popcorn out of thin air and watches the show/hj
he will literally cheer for you from the sidelines and becomes the fights personal announcer
absolutely treats you when you win; showered in praise and love and gifts
hes flustered; depending on what color you think he blushes (personally i think he blushes a purpleish-grey), his entire face is that color when he watches it happen
again, hes really into it
smh ive been on a lj trip these past few days and i hardly got anything for him here god mfing damn!!!!
Hoodie;
ngl he probably throws himself into the fight and yall both kick the shit out of the person
basically think something like this scene (ive never seen jjba my friend showed me this) where he just joins you after watching for a few seconds (we can say the third person is masky/j)
anyways it wont let me move the gif up so pretend the gif is under the above bullet point instead of at the end of this segment
really yall are kinda the same but hoodie is more likely to sit back and access the situation before jumping in and fighting someone unless like. its an immediate life or death thing
now how does he feel about you being a proclaimed badass?
he respects it, and he knows that you can defend yourself when hes not around so it also puts him at ease
maybe you two will spar every now and then to get better at defense and offense stuff (he will not go easy on you btw, bro will give it his all)
Eyeless Jack;
he doesnt really like the fighting since hes also likely the one who has to patch you up afterwards. like even if you win the fight youre still going to be hurt in some way, this applies to all the other characters too. ej is just the only one who has the knowledge when it comes to tending wounds...
with ej, in my au, he doesnt really. like conflict, especially since his own body is changing into something that isnt human; he already has enough on his plate already, doesnt need to go bury an extra body because he let his temper get the better of him
and every now and then, that mindset of avoiding conflict bleeds to how he views you and your attitude
hes happy that you can defend yourself, like hoodie he admires it; but at the same time he gets so scared that youre going to pick a fight with the wrong person or get hit in the wrong spot, and..
he does not pity those who are dumb enough to rile you up, though..
overall he worries for you and already has enough on his plate with himself ... but dont think that he sees tending to you as a burden! hell do it regardless of what caused your injury
possible idea for an angst post? ooo? maybe, if you guys want it
#creepypasta headcanon#splendorman x reader#laughing jack x reader#hoodie x reader#eyeless jack x reader#splendorman x you#laughing jack x you#hoodie x you#eyeless jack x you
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the form of all evil is the same
Don't ever say things like 'you stupid monkey' 'you dog'... all evil wants to do is take things that exist fine and happy on their own and put them in a hierarchy of unworthy to worthy in order to manipulate people. The concept of unworthyness is so dogmatic that anyone who does it even once is incapable of coherent thought, to impose unworthiness on anyone is so arbitrary yet so corrosive that it is seemingly the primary sin. The pride to say that another existent being doesnt deserve something is so EVIL and yet so COMPLETELY IMPOTENT AND DOES NOTHING TO BENEFIT YOU. Like seriously, imagine actually believing in making someone feel bad by calling them a dog, and thus beleiving in the idea that being called a dog was bad, you lose TWO times, and for what... like a tiny thread of an nessecarily solipsistic ego boost. Not only do you fear being compared to a dog, but you also disrespect dogs for no reason now. You just gain a 'standard of unworthiness', a standard which posits dogs as unworthy, which doesn't do anything... you cant do anything positive with that standard, all it does is make you less likely to interpret a dog in a beautiful manner, and the other thing you get is like, an insecurity about being compared to a dog now... Like fucking good one you idiot. Good one! It's just making so much nothing out of so much something. It breaks my heart. I want to name this evil technique of pitting innocent parties against eachotehr in a heirachy. Im calling that shit Noggling, because i find it BOGGLING... but in a NOT good way. Dont noggle, not even once, no matter how inaninmate the things you are noggling with are. Never even say 'your being such a chair'. The idea of trying to convince someone of the lowered value of chairs, and then trying to convince someone to apply that lowered value of chairs onto themselves, thus causing them to feel bad about themselves at the price of also having a very close minded and uncreative view of chairs is so collaterally useless and depressing. The evil is in the form of noggling itself, not even the things you noggle against eachother.
NEVER NOGGLE!
You can goggle though, you can call someone a diamond, thats just what a metaphor is. Because it's simply asking someone to imagine if their traits were represented in the same form a diamond is.
Like when someone says 'you are my diamond' they are encouraging thought, they are encouraging you to think 'ok, so in what ways could i be like a diamond... hmm
Ok so this person subjectively feels like i am lustrous, and that i am like a little precious object that they want to keep connected to their heart'
The fundamental difference between noggling and goggling is the latter encourages thought and expereince and the former doesn't. The latter doesn't actually have a specified symbolic meaning, it doesn't make a virtue or heirachy out of diamonds and then apply it to you, for example it doesn't posit a heirachy between coal and diamonds, and then says something like 'good job not being a coal today' no, that would be noggling. Goggling gets its value by offering you a creative task of trying to imagine how you could possibly represent this 'goggled-object' in another persons mind.
Another goggling could be 'oh darling you are like my coal' and then you have the task of being hmm... what do i do that is coal like. Oh, they mean that i am that really inexpensive ore in minecraft that can be combined with A SINGLE STICK to make fucking FOUR WHOLE TORCHES! Thats wonderful...
Right, to goggle someone, to say 'you are like X' in a goggle sense, is to give them a relation that you have made in their head, in order for them to work how they feel about you. To boggle on the other hand, is to posit a heirachy and then denigrate someone on the basis of that heirachy, in which case even being at the top of the heirachy is a form of denigration, because it is denigrating them by implying that they nessecarily have to even BE A PART OF A HEIRACHY AT ALL, AND THAT THEY NEED PEOPLE UNDER THEM. You know, jesus was the king of this world, and yet he didn't denigrate himself by not hanging out with peasents, and removing himself from them in some form of heirachy. To be in a heirachy is to loose surface area is to be in contact with less objects out of dogmatic subjugation of those objects. GOSH I AM SO MAD!
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suicide talk tw
tl;dr at the end
lol. something happened at work on friday that may very well not relate to me or effect me in any way but i am worried im going to lose my job over it. like i want to clear it up asap but im worried asking about it will make me seem insane in case it DOESNT relate to me but if it does i need to know. so yeah all day ive been like hardcore anxiety at a 8/10 with 10 being screaming crying panic wondering what im going to do with my life if i get fired. like if im too stupid to do what i do now, and its the only thing i have experience in, then what the fuck am i supposed to do? proofreading is my only "skill" like seriously i cant do anything else. so if i get fired for the one thing i was supposed to be good at i think thats it for me as in lights out shows over. so i told that to my friend and he was like well how would you do it and i was like ummmmm. idk actually. in the past ive tried to OD on meds and, clearly, that didnt work. we didnt have anything in our house powerful enough then and i dont think we do now but id have to go through my dads stuff to be sure. our guns are like not really capable of killing a human theyre more like varmint guns so that wont do. we have the train tracks but i couldnt do that do my family so. if i get fired im not fucking applying to hundreds of jobs for three years again. i think i might just live in misery forever until i can find a way to kms i guess.
but like i said. i dont even know if what happened friday has anything to do with me. im just so so so so worried that it does. i am so incredibly fortunate to have the job i do, such that any seed of doubt that can be scraped together to suggest that it might be in jeopardy just makes me insane.
like idk it would really probably be for the best that i do die asap for my own good. but ive seen firsthand three times now how absolutely devastating the suicide of a young person is on countless people around them. like the person whose visitation i went to was the sister of a former best friend who i met maybe two times 15 years ago and i have been thinking about her and tearing up regularly since i found out. but idk im not nearly as likable as she was so i wouldnt necessarily have that effect. i kind of fucking suck in fact. i know shelby and my family and my ex would be very hurt but is living out the rest of my life in pain worth it just to spare their feelings? i guess thats the question every suicidal person has to ask.
like i know i am no one's #1. i know my place. but i know my family still loves me in some capacity and imagining them finding me dead and grieving me just hurts so badly. but if i get fired and am faced with what i had to deal with prior to this job idk what else im supposed to do. it really really feels like my only option
i am so fucking sick of trying to get better. i WAS better but then the idea of being fired got put into my head (by myself) and here i am again. i really will be ok as long as i dont get fired. but bro i dont think i can take any more of it if i do. the therapists and the shrinks and the drugs and the "im here if you need to talk"s i just cant fucking take another second of it.
tl;dr
im worried about getting fired because im reading into something that happened at work and now im suicidal again hooray
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Ugh...are ppl really this dumb?
Warning: Anti KawaSumi/BoruSara post, dont like dont read.
Are idiots really believing Sumire is gonna pretend to like Kawaki because of the omnipotence bs? let alone that she might actually start to like Kawaki while pretending? gah yall are delusional...the same ppl who claim to like her character dont even understand her character at all if you believe that bullshit.
Wtf sense does that even make? just because Kawaki swapped lives with Boruto doesnt mean they literally swapped everything about them even down to their romantic feelings,Ā theres no telling how much of their memories are altered, that remains to be seen since weāve only got a glimpse through Sasuke but that doesnt account for everyone else.
But lets say it is a complete swap and everything that applied to Boruto now applies to Kawaki, wtf does that have to do with Kawaki? HE knows her feelings arent for him so whats your point? if anything Sumire pretending to like him will just piss him off cuzĀ
1 he knows she doesnt actually like him andĀ
2 because hes not fkin interested
Plus despite popular belief, Sumire is not a good actress when it comes to hiding her feelings [literally everyone knows despite her attempts at hiding it], she is always sweating and nervous af, Kawaki would see right through her if she tried to play the 'Kawaki-kun' card because you cant fake romantic feelings [in the Narutoverse, Sakura tried and everyone saw right through it even the ppl who werent in on it] so he'd catch on that shes fakin it regardless.
You cannot fake this, she cannot look at Kawaki and pretend to feel the same love and gratitude that she had for Boruto and be convincing she just cant, because everytime shes looked at Kawaki since finding out he killed Boruto she has been nothing but scared and nervous around him.
Now that he has everyone out to kill Boruto, do you honestly think shes gonna be able to look Kawaki in the eye like she loves him when she couldnt even look at him before without getting ptsd flashbacks? get tf outta here man.
If anything I see Sarada being able to fake it more than her, she never feared Kawaki nor Boruto so sheād be able to look him dead in the eye without flinching if she had to, but we all know this writings not that generous.
Shes better off just not even trying to fake that, its not like Sumire acted that much different around Boruto than she normally did so she could just be casual with Kawaki and nothing will look off, and if by some very VERY unlikely chance, Kawaki asks her if she likes him just to see the full extent of Adas control, its not like she would just confess that she does cuz she hasnt even confessed to Boruto yet, that and she told Kawaki to keep it a secret, so if she fked up and said yes to try and 'pretend' shes inlove with him, Kawaki would have to be stupid af not to know shes unaffected and playin him.
Sarada pretending to like Kawaki is even more unlikely than Sumire since she never had feelings for Boruto from the get go [not confirmed ones anyway] so if she truly did have feelings for him then now would be the time to reveal it because if Sumire feels like she has to 'pretend' to like Kawaki to not expose shes unaffected by Ada who, as these fools claim, KNOWS Sumire and Sarada love Boruto, then Sarada would have to pretend too.
So now would be the best time to confirm it once and for all, lets say Sumire pretends but Sarada doesnt, Ada should get suspicious and ask something along the lines of 'whats the matter? I thought you liked him too?' of course it depends on the context of the conversation but you get the point, she'd question why Sumire is reacting while Sarada isnt, which would confirm Ada did indeed see that Sarada has romantic feelings for Boruto.
But if they dont do that and continue to leave it up in the air, then Im gonna laugh cuz these bozos swear they winnin when they keep bein left in limbo just like everyone else, which for theĀ āmain coupleā and theĀ āobvious endgameā is highly suspicious, Naruto was able to make Sakura and Hinatas feelings known so why not Sarada? literally nothing changes if they do, so to keep leaving it up in the air when it doesnt need to be is legitimate cause for question because why NOT confirm her feelings? it doesnt ruin the suspense because weād still have to wait to see how Boruto feels so why not just confirm Saradaās side already? thats the part yall dont wanna talk about because yall know its suspicious, so you brush it off withĀ āwell they dont need to cuz its obviousā orĀ āMitsuki/Ada already confirmed itā² when they are the LEAST reliable ppl to go to for romantic confirmation.
In fact, Iād say the fact that those are your biggest and only real go tos for proof her feelings are confirmed actually makes BoruSara look that much more flimsy because these are your sources.
If those are your sources for proof then those are some sorry excuses for hard evidence.
Anyway this isnt about BoruSara as much as it is about the delusion theory that Sumire is actually gonna try to pretend to like Kawaki, let alone be successful, or even more ridiculous, actually fall for him in the process.
The notion of Sarada pretending too is even more ridiculous, but if she does then atleast yall will finally have some actual hard evidence that she does infact like Boruto, but if not then keep relying on these half assed sources from ppl who dont even understand their own feelings, but you think they can clearly understand someone elses.
This headcanon of yalls isnt a legitimate theory based on any canon fact other than ātheir lives are switched so she has to fake liking himā, its just a last ditch hope to keep an ACTUAL dead ship alive because yes, ksu really is dead but this aint the post for that convo.
Whether or not KawaSara is dead [because I know yall gonna bring it up] depends entirely on how the timeskip kicks off, but ksu died before the timeskip even started but again thats a topic for another day.
If Im wrong Im wrong but Iāve been right so far in regards to Sumire and Kawakis relationship so I dont doubt Im gonna be right again because SOMEHOW me, a non fan, understands Sumire better than alot of her supposedĀ āfansā
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Okay i've tried like 20 times to word this in a way that'll go as gently as possible but I dont think im gonna be 100% successful bc autism, so im just gonna post this and hope yall dont take it in bad faith:
Theres a lot of younger queers (especially AFAB ones) who still hold TERF ideology and the main reason I see them failing to let it go is because they cant embrace sex positivity.
Which like. I kinda get. I mean if I was AFAB and I grew up with creepy toxic masculine dudes constantly sexualizing me while i was still a child, and the pressures of family to reproduce, and all that shit that comes with being AFAB, i'd probably be scared as shit of sex. Heck I'm a *little* scared of it myself since I was sexually assaulted twice before I was 18! But I feel like thats something to fight against, because like...sex is healthy! Sex is good! Sex is the cause of literally all of our lives!!!!
And I'm not saying you have to have sex or anything, god no, I'm on the ace spectrum. I'm saying you have to be normal about sex, because sex is a part of life! Its ESPECIALLY a part of the queer community! And as much as it should be more welcoming to ace people, I also think demanding it be entirely chaste in order to welcome ace people is stupid and selfish and unhealthy.
"So whats this have to do with TERF ideology though?" Well, reader, I'm glad you asked, because "sex is scary" is the first step in the TERF ideology road! It usually goes "sex is scary" -> "men are scary" -> "anything with a penis is scary". And basically every queer person, at least on the surface, is against this. But under the surface, I find it all falls apart, especially amongst AFAB people. AMAB queers are expected to perform femininity to fit in, and almost always if it is the sort of space where femininity is scrutinized, it is expected that the feminine must also be chaste. I feel like thats no accident. It feels like any mention of sexuality from an AMAB person has them thinking about how we have a penis, such a lewd horrible thing, and then its like...instantly we become less womanly to them. They've let their fear tie femininity to a lack of sexuality, which is a TERF idea!
This also is what leads to more censorship of transfem people. As the recent bannings of transfem people on this site continue, I see a lot of posts saying stuff like "You wouldnt have this problem if youd just stop posting sexual content", even being reblogged by supposed allies.
And you might be thinking "well I'm AFAB but I'm trans, so, this doesnt apply to me. Theyre talking about actual TERFs!" And no, you're wrong. I see transmasc people who pull this shit ALL THE TIME. I recently had a transmasc friend cringe and tell me that the fact that I liked Asumi-chan Is Interested In Lesbian Brothels was a red flag because it was "clearly for the male gaze" which is absolutely TERF behavior. I also see a lot of transmasc people being dismissive of transfem fears in the current trans political situation. Its seemingly almost always a specific brand of UwU cottagecore transmasc that does it too, and a few of them I've even caught admitting they "used to be a TERF" which, I'm glad you no longer associate with them, but I'm telling you you still have shit to unlearn. Dont tell me this is out of my lane, either, its no different from if someone pointed out I still had toxic masculinity to unlearn! Which has happened, and I've examined mine. Why do you find it so unreasonable to examine yours?
Anyways thats all for now. Please do better. I shouldnt have to deal with this shit while the government is trying to kill me.
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Yea sure i dont mind you posting my ask on your page. Adding to my post before, i think its also interesting how rika's response to willalex was THAT, because its true, no one really knows will bcs 1. Will himself never really opened up to anyone everything about himself except for emmy, 2. They just never cared enough to get to know him above whatever shallow perception of him that he put in front of them. I still cant stand the fact that they didnt expect will to pull that blackchurch move bcs huhhh?? Why couldnt he? Was i shocked when i read that scene? Sure, but not bcs i thought he was incompetent like how his friends thought him yk. So i dont think its really fair to blame rika or any of his friends either for the way they saw him, bcs will was also an active willing participant in these scenarios and his personality in front of them. His friends shouldnt be heavylifting his place in the family iykwim. They all should work together, not against each other (*cough* ofc they wouldnt understand shit like this in the earlier books *cough* lmaooo).
I also hate the fact that will is so babied by their friends and the dn fandom as if he wasnt one of the most white privileged guy in the town, terrorising people just bcs he was privileged enough to do so. Like this man be doing weirdest shit, recording them, and he be having EVERYTHING in this world BUT EMMY, yet people always wanna act like he was this poor victim just because in the monologue he kept on simping over em. There was really no ounce of responsibility and accountability in that man's thoughts. He kept on blaming EVERYONE (and himself to a certain extent) for all bad things happening to him, AS IF HE WASNT A WILLING PARTICIPANT HIMSELF. GOD!!!! GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck im so mad, sorry š¤£ and the fandom, with their two misagonistic braincells ofc be siding with will and be excusing him, as if for the past three books, he wasnt busy being shit to women and men around him just bcs his monologue was about how much he loves em š¤¢ like bffr!!! And they hate em too, and be simping over damon, just bcs 1. She was mean to will, 2. She never came back for will. You understand what i mean with double stanrds and purity culture applied to women here? They speak AS IF will spent his time since he left her in that hallway 1. Not being mean to her, 2. Finding ways to be by her side and not fucking around girls in town right š¤£ they be saying this as if he was the poorest man in the world, when emmy was the one living opposite life of him. Even after knowing some shady shit happened to her, he STILL EXPECTED HER TO BE ACCOMMODATING TO HIM! God, name a more selfish bastard than will grayson!! Oh yeah, damon torrance, lmfaooooo!
And the fact that the horsemen and alex couldnt understand that just bcs will was a nice friend to them, doesnt mean he was a nice guy to em?! Stupid as fuck!! God! Will was there for each one of his friend, but was he ever there for em? No! So ofc they were in his life, not em (Understandable tho that he left bcs em rejected him in a degrading way) And he regretted that shit! He regretted leaving her even if she made it clear he didnt owe her anything (unlike will who was entitled to her and essily blamed her because "love" and now he can put a label and resentment to her rejection). His regret was Even mentioned during the michael's bridegroom prep, with kai offering him alcohol.
And on this note, if em can understand that just bcs aydin wasnt as shitty to em as he was to alex, then why cant alex understand that it goes the same for will to em? Alex was a hypocrite for that. Will even obvious bcs he can fuck around town (alex too), but god forbid some other men looked like they were into em, oooohhhh shes the selfish bitch? Wow! Amazing! Im glad that em called out alex every time bcs she needed that after getting her ass fanned by the cowgirls every time. We're told that alex is this girls supporting girls, but she suddenly became early hideaway banks/ corrupt rika in blackchurch? The fuck? Jealousy really changes people! Its not even ems fault, it was on aydin, she just wanted to use em as a punching bag. Coward. Em never once did that to her even after everything will said about will alex. Fuck these guys honestly. Emory scott always deserve better.
Unpopular opinion, i like aydin in blackchurch. Em needed someone like aydin at that stage of life so that mfs like will alex dont cross her boundaries too much. Em can stand for herself but sometimes her personality can blindside her and let others treat her like dogshit just because she doesnt have much love for herself yet, and she prefrrd to avoid confrontation bcs of her ptsd with martin. Im glad aydin, even in his own selfish agenda against alex, took ems side and helped her many times there, even in his own twisted ways. Ngl, if damon saw will alex be treating em like this, he wouldnt let it slide either. He wouldve beat them up and told them off so š¤·āāļø the horsemen and alex's fans are not gonna like what i said, but i said what i said. Im well aware of emmy's flaws and ive accepted that shes not this mary sue character a while ago, but i cant stand this fandom who always act as if shes the top 3 worst characters among them just bcs she was busy dealing with life all on her own. Were the cowgirls annoying sometimes? Sure? Was alex sometimes? Sure. But i cannot imagine disliking the girls, even alex, more than the horsemen. Like even after the girls fucked up, they always made up. yea thats all for the addition. Thank you so much for listening! Sorry thats its so long
Pt 2
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1. Magic and Machines typically dont mix well, technomancy is a section of witchcraft and paganism that is still being studied and worked on and this reflects when the whole "emoji spell" trend happened. AI has a place with magic (quantuam entanglement number generators) things like that. But older/trad forms of magic seem to struggle with machines the most.
2. I do not believe Pop Culture dieties are (usually) literally existant. There are examples in which writers write about dieties because they are revealed to them in a dream (lovecraftian paganism) I think those examples are far more interesting to learn about. Pop culture dieties beyond that are more so images ascribed with a meaning, kinda like Icons.
3. Fantasy depictions of witches in movies and books are super cool! But they are ficition and are an exaggeration of what is the reality
4. I will be honest, Im not familiar with "astral pregnency" I do believe in virgin births, and astral travel. Do I believe in astral pregnancy? No not really
5. witchcraft is a practice but its very hand and hand with most religions
6. Who?
7. I like the wiccan folk music :> wish there was more cozy pagan folk music like it. Tengrism is very similar with umay essentially being mother nature.
8. I do loosely follow these concepts and they are important to put them in a perspective that we can understand. Strangely, colors, plants, animals all have "associated genders" subconsciously. Funny thing is they often flip flop back and forth? Lavender is a mens soap but younger men associate it with women now. Pink used to be a mens color also. So it kinda is loose and changes over time
9. No lol especially if you are kinda trail blazing your own path. If you want to follow some set path you probably should talk to others who practice that specific path
10. ....who?
11. ..... thats it Ill google this one.
After: Racial purity stuff.... ok Im not into it, its pretty silly but you and your wife want specific typa kids it doesnt involve me
12. No, paganism does have a fair recent history of becoming politically charged but people are allowed to believe things. Better yet, Gods play a role in those same politics just like people do.
13. Probably possible but def a stupid idea
14. Tengrism is different at its core from other pagan beliefs. Soley due to things like Tengei being non personifiable.
15. Yes people can go so deep into religion it consumes them in an unhealthy way. But it usually works itself out.
16. Ok uh.... googling again
After: you wanna change your gender? Yknow its a beautiful world that lets you do that :> youre allowed. Not everyone will have the same view on it as you or me but thats what makes the world amazing. Everyone has a time and a place. (This applys to literally anything)
17. Do not harm what is naturally occuring (including cities that I do not take some social part in)
It is my moral obligation to defend
Myself
My family that Im in duty to (future wife or kids)
My city
My state
My country
In that Order!
Also shake hands with people once in awhile, stir things up.
18 uh organized like discord servers, organizations and covens yes. As a formal structured religion ehhhh no. Although falling in love during a temple service sounda adorable. But lets not start that for me š
19 sexual? Uh, no. Im sure there are subsects of paganism that allow it and thats their thing no worries. But I see that as seriously problematic. Ive heard if godspouces but I dont see it the same. Thats a bit different.
20. Yes, I look very deeply into everyone's life experience when I get that chance. For many people thats very special and private so I take that with honor. Even if they are not pagans
21. No thank goodness Ive never got into a blog battle š I dm people for free though. I love talking to people and if someone catches my eye Im DEF talking. Im a yapper
22. Yes many practices are sacred and closed behind doors with specific rites or things you must do before hand. Some you are born into aswell, I will admit I dont understand them but Im also not apart of anyrhing like that so its not like I would anyways.
23. I think people use that to explain people adopting cultures. Adopting cultural practices in the home or in fashion is shockingly normal and peoole just dont know it. I do draw a line when it is a perversion of something. Like you adopted a culture and spit on the actualt people of the culture. Yeah then youre just a dickhead
24. Omen books, friends of similar practices, life experience, shamanic trances also
25. Do you practice witchcraft? Congrats! Youre a witch!
26. Not in the typical pagan sense. I dont do rituals very often.
27. Mhm :>
28. I die, and my thoughts, and my body return to the earth. The soul shatters and my essence (largest part of my soul) reincarnated as something else. (Please reincarnate me into married man next time thanks <3)
29. Im a Tengrist because its how I relate to the universe around me. My spiritual experiences are what give me insight to my life.
30. What is a scam? When people are in my ask box luke "hey I felt a connection to your ancestors uwu" yeah ok bubba everyone loves Sam Houston here, get in line
31. Me, my posts make me wanna scream. I literally died because I made a "lol feryja devotees mommy" joke. Im still embarrased about it
32. My hottest take is that not everyone has to agree with you, and you dont have to agree with everyone. People have life experiences that shape their feelings and thoughts about issues. Its ok if they dont like your ideas or my ideas. Yall can be friends, if yall cant? Eh fuck em
33. I move out of both, I want to move out of love because I wanna be romantic. But I move outta fear often recently to guard myself ;-;
witchcraft ask game
except it's actually real fucking specific and possibly shadow work in disguise idk
What are your opinions on AI in Witchcraft?
How do you feel about pop culture deities?
Opinions on fantasy depictions of witchcraft/paganism?
Thoughts on Astral pregnancy?
Do you think witchcraft is a religion or a practice? Why/why not?
What do you think of Aleister Crowley?
Opinions on Wicca?
What do you think of the divine feminine/masculine archetypes?
Do you think they're should be a set period before someone becomes a full-fledged witch?
What do you think of Gerald Gardner?
What are your thoughts on odinism?
Do you think witchcraft is inherently political?
Do you think you can hex/curse/jinx a deity? Do you think you should?
How different do you think your gods are from other religion's gods? What work have you done to deconstruct that?
Do you believe in spiritual psychosis?
How do you feel about TERF witches?
What is your moral code? How do you justify that?
Do you wish paganism were more organised?
Do you think it's okay to have a sexual relationship with a deity? What about romantic (i.e. godspousing)?
Do you research ex-pagans viewpoints with an open mind?
Have you ever been in argument/sent hate to another witchcraft blog? What was the story? Do you still think you were right?
Do you believe in closed practices?
Do you believe in cultural appropriation?
Outside of the online space, where do you get your resources from?
What makes someone a real witch?
Are you a real witch?
Are you confident in your beliefs?
What do you think happens when we die?
Why are you a witch? What need does it serve?
What do you think is a scam in witchcraft?
What post have you seen recently that makes you wanna scream?
What's your hottest take in the witchcraft space?
Do you move out of fear or love?
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Please feel free to reblog, and send me an ask <3
#witchblr#wicca#pagan#folk witch#witchcraft#paganism#paganblr#shaman#shamanism#tengrism#tengri#magick
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rambles over some original characters and my writing that i'm putting here because nobody that follows me here reads my original stuff so i dont set false expectations and i also dont wanna spoil my friends on discord. i just need to gush a little because i really like where the thing im writing rn is heading
HONESTLY. if we ignore the fact that my writing style has really taken a hit lately, i think story wise im doing so well with my new project. the characters are still a bit tricky to properly pin down, but its going into directions i really enjoy, and its kind of doing that on its own? there are a lot of themes that just fall into place almost on accident, reminds me a lot of A Certain Sentence that accidentally shook the whole fandom when i was writing fanfics still.
im loving whatever happened with "less pressure" and how its coming from dev out of all people, the guy with the most pressure in the world ever, and i love how quinn started applying it as a general philosophy to kind of calm down and focus on something, change something actively.
i feel like quinn and devs dynamic feels pretty good in general already? i still struggle with the whole "enemies to lovers" thing without making it feel too annoying and "a single conversation could solve this all", but i honestly dont think a single conversation could solve anything, because they don't know eachother enough to actually understand the others view point. it makes sense for them to hold grudges that are super vague and kind of really stupid but theyre fuelled by genuine fears and even if they sat down and talked it through it wouldnt help much for now, so i think its realistic enough
AAAH im just liking. The Themes. sometimes i worry im a bit too heavy handed with certain things and some stuff, especially the more emotional scenes, feel like theyre too abrupt and out of place but like. the sentiment is good i think. idk i think the frame of this story and its progression is pretty decent, my technical writing skills just arent great but thats fine i think.
i love my characters and honestly they just feel really good to write. working with quinn is hard because he tends to get more emotional than hes supposed to be and hes seriously so much more of an asshole as i had planned him to be but he's so much fun. and dev is so interesting to explore and get to know as i write him. i love him so much and i keep swooning for him likE!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM!
dev is so fun because theres just pressure coming from all sides, theres so much jealousy, its so hard for him to keep his shit together. he hates this school but feels like i cannot possible disrespect it and what it means to attend, he acts like attending is such a special privilege he has, something hes worked towards, when really it doesnt matter, his work doesnt matter, his passion and talent DO NOT MATTER because he wouldve gotten in even without a scholarship.
dev treats the things/people he hates like a religion, his father, the school, even nicolas to some extent... i love how he is turning out to be. i love how much he is hurting for quinn and how much he hates that.
all these little things and details that have fallen into place during the writing process feel so nice. dev being the "golden boy" instead of felix being a thing that makes so much sense in every way. dev being a scholarship student and nobody knows. the whole thing about dev teaching quinn handwriting because dev was literally forced to perfect his writing with his right hand, while his left hand is more comfortable yet more messy. the LESS PRESSURE THING. writing becoming such a prevelent theme in general. the whole nickname thing.
its going pretty well id say.. eheheheh. im still hesitant to get into some chapters because id like to get some feedback and reactions from my readers first, ESPECIALLY how they react to nicolas/oakwells finest. chapter six is coming in a WEEK which annoys me a bit but once thats out i hope u can get a bit of an impression of what ppl think about all the important characters.
man. the writing process of this story has been so much fun tbh. and very healing in a way.
im still not a good writer but at least im having a good time
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tbh i do sometimes get a little [sad ant with a bindle] when people make forcefem/eggfem jokes that imply the reader is amab, like i dont want to say its discriminatory because its not serious its a dumb joke but on some level it does kinda feel like oh amab/cis man is the default audience forever
like i get why the tap bros are offended by forcefem jokes right, on some level they feel like detrans jokes from your perspective bc the author isnt considering that YOU might read and process her joke, and thats something youre used to feeling. and like i get why tap bros link that experience to being afab/girl childhood bc it mirrors childhood misogyny. like i was playing crash bandicoot with my husband yesterday and i was talking about how i always liked playing as coco bc it felt like i was being acknowledged even though i never really properly identified as a girl, bc crash was not meant for ME yknow. even though now i know im a guy im still basically never the intended audience of something, and i dont think i NEED that or anything thats straying a little too close to entitlement which i dont fuck with. because then you might conclude that bc afabs are overlooked/excluded that means amabs are not and thats not true because crash wasnt intended for trasnfems either.
like i get why youd essentially have a ptsd reaction to transfems making "everyone reading this become woman" joke, but the reason i say you HAVE to get a thicker skin is because you have to realize the only reason they make those jokes is because they are combating their own exclusion. and like i know im only 6 months in so im hardly less of a baby trans than anyone else so yknow saying stuff like "ive been there i know how it is, i still struggle with it sometimes" is stupid because that was like 3 months ago but ough yeah
its weird being where im at in terms of being trans because ive been like, aware of my transness (like, fully intentionally identified as something other than cis) for like 13 years but theres a MASSIVE material difference between what im doing now and what i was doing that entire time. i think fite-clubs post about micro-identities holding the tap club back from growing in this respect was on point because like i said a lot of these guys are closeted and cant imagine how the reality of gender feels outside of your own mind/discord friend group
thats why i said low self esteem hurts more than yourself, i genuinely think having low self esteem turns you into a bad person and you have a responsibility to build a strong will for yourself for the sake of others (and i mean also obviously it benefits you) and probably one of the first ways to do that is to start HRT and make friends with trans people who you dont necessarily share a gender or sex assignment with (and also all of this doesnt apply to everyone always forever im just a person with a scope capacity limited by my own perspective which may be hindered by lack of experience and nutrients as is the case for everyone)
#this is not important#post about forcefem joke insecurity#which got a little out of hand#its 10am so i must do my daily ramble about something and this is the topic i chose i guess#im trying to think a little bit harder about some of these concepts as they exist outside of discourse bc im very tired of the discourse#i think its currently in the process of dying anyway#trans text
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@vossprime thank you for the excuse to be deranged about this, youre going to regret it
prefacing this with mention of one of my tags in case people havent seen it- i just cannot see them having rediscovered polyester in 40k. no way. its obscure lost technique fabric that drives people mad seeking out the archaeotech responsible. cool we're on the same page now
but anyway. so heres the thing. i know i have the forgeworld upbringing most people dont have. i was fixing my own glasses from the point i could hold a pen, i was using jigsaws [electric, hand guided with a thin blade] and electric screwdrivers by 8, during the summer i had my hands buried in a car engine getting fucking plastic splinters undoing bolts to remove the radiator, then split the radiator into parts. i have a slight reputation for stripping down my old laptops when they eventually die on me
what does all this obscure robot lore mean? it means i know what engine grease feels like and how it stains, the chemicals you need to get stains out of your hands and how those interact with surfaces, that even if you're handling brand new metal drill bits you Will get dirt over you because they have an oily residue to lubricate the bit and it bonds to dust you dont even know is around you. how sharp drilled edges are, how the debris gets fucking everywhere and is pretty sharp in its own right. generally speaking, if theres a consequence tech priest robes endure for the actions of their work, im pretty aware of it
i also sew and have done for the same timespan, and have a stupid amount of knowledge on fabrics, garment construction and upkeep
all of this means i lose my mind when i see a tech priest in lightweight fabrics. everyone knows what happens to silk when it gets wet- it gets ruined. and think of cooking with oil and accidentally getting some on a shirt- you're left with a patch that looks wet even once dry, until its washed out [which can be a bit of a gamble]. do you know what happens to velvet if its exposed to heat and then pressed under metal [which. is ironing but also applies to the augmented idiots]? you crush the little fuzzies and it ruins the sheen/texture
they are using mechanical things all fucking day, and getting dirt all over themselves. god forbid they stand too close to an incense burner and get scorches on something fine
now think too- tech priests have an Awful habit of tearing their robes to let their augments or various tubes poke out. when you tear fabric, it can do a number of things depending on texture, weave, direction of the bias to the cut, and overall stability. worst case scenario you just get thread after thread falling away as the fabric just disintegrates- you get special fabric shears that cut it in little zigzags to prevent this, or machines that will seal off that edge- but it produces an edge not visible on a tech priest. eh scenario is your fabric frays a lot and distorts- this happens to most things with stretch or are knit, like jersey. best case scenario you get a few scrappy threads but it'll survive- this is dense, highly stable fabric or leather [which isnt woven ofc].
even ignoring battle, daily life for a tech priest is going to ruin their robes in Seconds if they wear anything lightweight or delicate. so cotton, jaquard, silk, velvet, jersey, even thin leathers and suede- all off the table. it will not survive their work. i am not even going to entertain discussion of chiffon or crepe okay thats deranged
but thick leather? stable, it doesnt tear easily- when it tears you apply a patch to the inside with glue and you're good. its water repellent, less flammable than some options [and can be treated to be properly fire retardant], it responds well to oils which it actually needs in its long term care, it can take a battering and survive, it can be stained and re-stained to maintain pigment- and have you seen red leather? red takes brilliantly, you get gorgeous, rich colours. which suits admech, right? what it isnt keen on is being submerged/soaked in water, but i dont think thats too big of a risk for the guys with circuit boards in their heads, and even then it'll endure. the salts just separate out after a certain saturation point and it goes :((( at you for hurting it
then theres canvas, especially if we're talking duck [its a type with denser weave]. another stable fabric, of the will fray a bit but is mostly stable variety. this Really makes sense for the slightly frayed effect in those holes ripped in admech robes. water repellent and with waxing can be made waterproof, and is found in everything from sneakers to boat covers to sandbags. easier to perforate than leather, but considering how much fabric is involved in tech priest robes is probably a much lighter weight and comfortable option
which kinda gets to my pasqal and abel thoughts. pasqal benefits from wearing leather because it adds an additional layer of armouring- see the repeat use of leather as armour through history. it also suits him in shape language- it can be heavily sculpted, and creates very clean tidy lines. again red dye taking so well to leather means it would have a very strong, rich colour that lasts, which seems important to a somewhat vain explorator
abel meanwhile suits canvas. even if he's information/analysis guy, hes still moving in the same spaces and using the same machines as every other tech priest, has the same augments that pinch cloth and require regular doses of wd40 to move without squeaking [would drive mr megaautism insane im sure]. i think he's worn out his robes a lot more than is standard, not needing Quite the same level of maintained durability as a non-analyst, and also being very sensitive to sensory things. canvas worn over years to be softer as it slowly frays through, sitting a little looser and flowing on him in frequent wear zones [like the elbows] while still rigid in others. he's not so invested in colourfastness, so the black has faded to grey and the red is patchy
fun fact too this also means abel keeps the scent of incense on him a lot longer than pasqal due to how fragrance stays on different fabrics. i just think this is interesting
okay im done now go forth with knowledge or something ā®(āÆā½ā°)ā
okay his outfit has really been bothering me for absolutely ages so here. bastard man.
#if i dont have this perfect dont kill me im trying my best here#also ofc everyone can have their own opinions i just. have very strong thoughts on this one.#robot rambles
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I accidentally stuck my tongue so far into my cheek that it turned into a rude gesture š¤·
Like where's the lie, they do think exactly that, i nailed their sentiments exactly and now someone thinks i share them? All like "im here to patrol whether you count as a lefty or not", not like "what did you mean by that" just like "my interpretation is x, here is your sentence". I really wanted this kid to message back so i could find out more about his ideas of community like approximately what kind of organizing he's done RL and, if any, whether it was with anyone over 25. Because like, something i find endlessly interesting about "the left" or qiltbag culture, is there are sharp generational divides in what makes someone feel unwelcome in these communities or "thrown under the bus," and ironically this way of bringing an issue to someone is patternisticaly how people younger than myself in any network ive been in, have alienated the people older than myself. So rather than responding glibly to this kid with some brush-off about like "this isnt it, learn to parse content more astutely or you'll be branded a narcissistic disruptor" i really wanted to get some dialogue going.
Like I'd tell myself to work on clarity but there's literally no accounting for how people read stuff/whether they choose to pay attention to the part of my blog description that says dont even bother reading this blog. So all i can do is clarify if/when someone brings something up. And no one ever likes that, because being asked to look at the other person's pov is just filed as gaslighting when the person with a (tone-policing, hello) criticism already doesnt trust you.
Intersectionally speaking its insane to read "wellness check survivor" and be like "anyway im here to hold you accountable for calling yourself a lefty--using my own standards which are very important and objective"
Like this is so fascinating, what is this kid THINKING, like what kind of egotrip is it exactly? Youthful inexperience?
Jsyk wellness check survivor is code for "i am so controversial the pigs nearly murdered me and they may try again" so like i am clearly madpridecore and hard acab/kcsw-wave, and if youre positioning yourself as the arbiter of who gets to be a lefty, you should probably know that bossing the-crazy-people-who-are-targeted-by-police-violence around and telling us what our words mean, is actually really unconsciously fashy and your whole ass is hanging out right about now
But apparently we cant have anything approaching a fruitful private exchange about it because what i said seems to have been ignored. Like, you could have just paid attention to any of the cues in my header and not wasted your time messaging me. The gender neutral fairy emoji alone screams "i am not going to respond to you in a way that you find productive š"
I can actually read and can actually apply intersectional leftism, being very old (accident) and experienced (i racked up life experience like it was my career, its gotta count for something), so when i got this message i was just like "oh he's autistic ...meaning, he didnt happen to understand my tone from how i worded it and he found what i said pointlessly inflammatory because he cant imagine the audience aside from himself and doesnt understand the intention of my words within that broad context of unknown audience,,,,,, i will simply explain myself to him and apologise for the upset, rather than going out of my way to point out what a stupid jackass he is" ...directly anyway š it was my first instinct but then my reading comprehension kicked in and i saw clearly through the haze of my triggered emos that it just wouldnt be appropriate, considering the information ive been given about the person who triggered me. Is this funny to you yet? Its funny to me....
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alexa how to come to terms with the fact that your best friend is just a better version of you
also cw for general misery below the tags donāt read em
#same interests and skills but shes infinitely better at them than me#same sense of humour but sheās funnier and more likeable#same kind of people piss us off but sheās nice shes a nice fucking person and im rude and abrasive#thinner than me taller than me prettier than me with clear skin and great hair and a thigh gap#smarter than me academically by fucking miles but she still had the balls to apply for a degree she was actually passionate about#silly and sweet and all her flaws- clumsiness and ditziness and spaciness- come across as endearing because shes skinny and pretty#like i obviously love her and i love being around her she is my best pal#but every time im around her its like i can feel myself in sharp relief#im hyper aware that people are looking at me and seeing the duff#im standing beside this gorgeous funny fashionable lady as a fat dumpy ugly spotty rude stupid attention seeking blob#and it honestly makes me want to jump in front of a car#plus i know she makes an effort when im around#she knows shes better than me and it makes her secure in herself so she dresses amazingly and curls her hair and all that jazz with me#whats the point in existing when i know theres like. a more valuable version of me cutting about?#if i died and she took over my life my parents my sister my friends my family would all like her better than me#and this isnt insecurity talking i KNOW this#like why do i bother? genuinely why do i bother wasting everyones time?#the fucked up thing is shes the only person who i think would genuinely be devastated if i died#there used to be someone else who i thought i loved that much but she doesnt want anything to do w me now š¤Ŗ#my parents would mostly be disappointed they wouldnt get to brag about their DaUgHtEr who goes to law school#or makes a fuckton of money#yeah theyd get over it after a couple of years easy#and like. thats kind of it. ive pushed away my other close friends enough that theyve not a fucking scooby whats going on in my life#i dont know when im going to kill myself!! like it needs to happen sometime soon#the longer i stick around the more grief im causing everyone#i had originally planned to spend this summer ticking off my bucket list here then working next year doing year one of uni and then#after that summer id kill myself because id have had the chance to live a wee bit#but i think im going to try and do it before the next school year starts because theres no wsy im getting into uni#and my parents cant afford fees for next year and the state school for my catchment wont let me in bc i already have a school place#so it. makes the most sense. theres no point being a financial burden as well as a general one yk. im planning on doing it anyway
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how to advocate for schizophrenics and psychotics in every day life:
correct people when they misuse the word "psychotic" (as in if they use it in any other way but a serious disconnect from reality, delusions or hallucinations)
correct people when they use the word "schizophrenic" as an adjective (its not!!! its a severe and persistant mental disorder)
correct people when they call people "crazy" aka "shes been acting crazy lately" (they likely dont actually mean it and this word is thrown around a lot, but as a schizophrenic im asking you to not use this word to describe people since this has been tied to me and my fellow psychotics for ages)
do not assume that a psychotic person is dangerous in any way (psychotic people are more likely to be the victims of abuse than be the abusers)
when talking about mental illness or the mental illness community as a whole consider, does this apply to psychotic and schizophrenic people as well? (if not, youre not talking about the whole community! its that simple)
do not purposley trigger someones paranoia aka telling people that theres someone after them (this is always harmful and potentially life threatening, its not a joke and never was)
dont assume schizophrenia is "just hallucinations and delusions" (its much more than that, it has negative and cognitive symptoms as well, which for some people is much worse than the positive symptoms of hallucinations and delusions)
dont make lobotomy jokes aka "lobotomize me" jokes (these procedures were used to turn schizophrenics into "pets" so that other people could better deal with us, its not a joke)
dont act "crazy" for shock value aka wide eyes, rocking back and fourth, shaking (our mannerisms arent for you to pretend to be crazy with, this is who we actually are, im looking at you rock bands)
dont fear the people on the street talking to themselves aka calling the cops on them (these people are suffering, these people need help, them being psychotic doesnt make them any more dangerous than anybody else)
dont use the word delusional for every idea you dont agree with aka "that conservative politician is delusional!" (delusions specifically describe strongly held beliefs outside of reality, not just beliefs outside youre specific world view)
dont expect people to express emotions the same way you do aka "why arent you reacting?" (many schizophrenics stuggle with flat affect and cant change it, it doesnt mean we dont feel things, just that we dont express them the same way)
dont expect us to be able to do the same amount of, or intensity of work you do aka "i work 5 days a week, you have it easy!" (executive disfunction is very common in schizophrenia, it doesnt make us lazy, we are just disabled)
dont post derealization without tagging it or TWing it as such aka that post with a fake european country saying that americans dont even know what country this is (we already struggle enough with figuring out whats real and whats not we dont need "pranks" or "jokes" trying to fool us without any TW)
dont assume schizophrenic and psychotic people cant see your post or view your media or anything else (we are real people interacting with the world just like everybody else, we can see your jokes about us, or your media portraying us as dangerous, we arent fictional characters)
dont assume youre superior to, or smarter than us (once again we are real people, we deserve the same respect as anyone else on the planet)
dont call someones delusion stupid aka "obviously youre not the reincarnation of kurt cobain thats stupid" (you have no idea how real these are for us, they dont always make sense to you but they do to us, please respect that)
dont ask if were hallucinating right now (its none of youre business! and if we say yes youll likely ask where it is, and if we show you youll likely look in the direction of the hallucination which is dangerous, it blends the real world with the hallucination and its already hard enough for us to tell the difference)
dont stop trusting us and what we say just because were psychotic (we still deserve to be listened to and trusted just like everybody else)
learn about less talked about symotoms like catatonia, avolition and word salad (these are just as common as the talked about ones, but just less talked about cause i guess it doesnt make for an intresting horror movie)
learn more about schizophrenia and psychosis from actual schizophrenics and psychotics (a great example is the podcast Inside Schizophrenia, scrolling through this blog, looking up students with psychosis)
TLDR: no go back and read it, its the least you could do
#schizophrenia#psychosis#schizophrenic#nd#mental illness#neurodivergent#actuallyschizophrenic#pseriouslypsychotic#mental health awareness#mental health#sanism#ableism#tw delusions#schizo#schizo spec#crazy#advocacy
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