#what if that's the straw that breaks the camel's back for me!!!
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lowkey scared Lord Huron is gonna release another album and I won't even be able to listen to it. like at all. whatsoever. bc I know that if I listen to it I'll have a wholeass Breakdown and I cannot handle that right now
#you'll hear me howl by the light of the moon#it has been Months and I am still in the depths of profound despair unlike anything I have ever experienced#there's no end in sight but I'm so tired of not being able to enjoy the things I used to enjoy#I love Lord Huron SO MUCH but almost all their music is off-limits to me bc it will give me the impulse to drive off a bridge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#the love for the music is still there!!!! it's just buried under an infinitely heavy layer of mourning!!!!!#the grieving never ends!!!! it never ends!!!!!!#hahahaha okay sorry started venting a lil bit there#it has been a rough . several months#I'm genuinely legitimately worried that if I listen to any new LH music and have a breakdown. what if I straight up Cannot Recover from that#what if that's the straw that breaks the camel's back for me!!!
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What’s the Janeys/Brakul death scenario?
So like upon review I mostly just was going to kill them off for Couya + Faiza + Hibrides’ character development (#FEMINIST WIN!!!!!!!).
The background situation of their death scenario is something that will happen either way:
Throughout the story, the pilgrimage requests tribute from the towns it passes through (mainly food and other supplies). This is a common practice for pilgrimages and the travels of royalty, and Imperial Wardi civilians are used to the concept (just not so much during a famine). Some people give fully willingly (a lot of people believe in the pilgrimage's goals/and or the necessity to keep its high status participants fed), most are at least partly coerced (usually not via direct threats, but the pilgrimage contains a couple hundred soldiers, the Usoma, and Odonii leadership. The threat is implied), some are Fully coerced via threats.
In the latter third of the story things are not going well. There’s been a lot of internal struggles among the soldiers and dissatisfaction with pilgrimage leadership (mostly Stavis), men are starting to defect and a large body are getting outright mutinous. The group has also lost much of their food supplies and things are getting desperate (they've been starting to eat their own pack khait and oxen)
With this going on, the pilgrimage sends three soldiers to exact tribute from a farming village in the province Lobera. They meet a group of men acting as representatives for the village, who flat out refuse to give tribute. Things escalate into an outright fight, the soldiers are better armed but few in number and are killed.
One of the village elders finds out that this happens and panics, knowing that the men who killed three of the Usoma’s soldiers (one of which is her son) have signed their own death sentences, and possibly that of others. She attempts to persuade the families to preemptively flee, and then takes the village's one remaining skinny old plow ox to carry the bodies of the dead soldiers back to where the pilgrimage is camped. She supplicates herself before Stavis Amanti and begs for mercy, saying they don't even have enough food stored to feed themselves, much less to give, and that the men thus considered the killings righteous self defense. She shows that she’s returned the bodies for rites as an act of goodwill, and offers the ox in tribute, the most valuable thing she can provide. She begs that the Usoma accepts this as tribute and spares the men's lives, and that the pilgrimage moves on without taking anything else.
Stavis bids her safe passage away from the camp (without confirming or denying that he's accepted her plea), and the heads of pilgrimage confer on what to do. The killing of the soldiers is a violation punishable by death, but this would be like, a notably bad PR move. Meanwhile a contingent of soldiers (including some major side characters I haven’t introduced) break off and lead a raid on the village to avenge their fallen brothers and loot supplies. Others get drawn into the fighting, and it devolves into a full on massacre.
A couple families had fled at the elder’s suggestion, but most refused to leave their homes. Some of the villagers believed they would be left unharmed if the killers were given up, others had been preparing for a reprisal and armed themselves with everything available. But they have few actual weapons and none are trained combatants. All of the remaining men and adolescent boys get killed, one woman manages to take out a soldier using a shovel but is killed, most of the other women and girls are spared murder but several are assaulted. The village is looted for supplies and kindling for funeral pyres.
Stavis Amanti has no fucking idea what to do. The soldiers defied orders and killed Imperial Wardi civilians, but the current climate amid the pilgrimage would make it EXTREMELY Bad for him if he demanded their punishment (but also potentially very bad if he didn't- not all the soldiers participated in the massacre and many were horrified). Faiza encourages him to exert authority in a measured response by having the ringleader of the mutineers killed but sparing the rest, and offers to publicly back him in hopes of avoiding full on mutiny.
The raid reveals that the villagers had been hiding more grain than they claimed they had (as in like, enough to feed their people on starvation level rations for a few weeks). Stavis takes this as an opportunity to justify not punishing the mutineers (as the villagers DID technically have something to give, and execution IS technically the punishment for refusing the order of tribute (though not execution of the entire community)), but insists that their Galenii bless the village dead and their men build pyres for the civilians as is honorable conduct. (This attempt to make amends is not particularly appreciated by the survivors.)
The pilgrimage holds a funeral for their own dead soldiers. The village ox that was given in tribute is killed and butchered for the funerary feast.
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In the Bury Your Gays route, Brakul is one of the three that gets killed during the tribute extraction. Janeys loses his fucking mind when his body is brought back, and tries to slit his own throat on the spot. Couya stops him by wrestling him to the ground while Janeys screams threats at her and the old woman in a very pathetic public spectacle. He is deprived of all sharp objects.
While the pilgrimage leaders are conferring, he hovers miserably around Hibrides (who is also not feeling so great about all this). He's suddenly very interested in her pregnancy for the first time ever, asks to feel the baby (which has been just starting to kick). She's like "fuck off", but he strongly implies he's planning to commit suicide asap and she concedes and then is like Okay I Let You Feel The Goddamn Baby Now Leave Me Alone Holy FUCK.
Janeys turns his attention to fucking murdering anyone tangentially involved in this happening. He’s among the initial raid party, plays a major hand in it turning from its ostensible 'find and execute the ones responsible, subdue the rest, steal their food' directive to a full massacre by directing his men to immediately attack the first man he sees. He and his group capture three young men as prisoners and demand that they be slain at the soldier's funerals as is wartime custom (this isn't wartime). Janeys additionally demands that he should get to do it, as the only kin of any of the dead men. Once that's done he immediately cuts his own throat and bleeds out. They wind up getting cremated at the same time so things work out how Janeys wanted it.
At one point I realized that this is kind of just The Iliad?
----
So like obviously whether they die here or not has little impact on THESE events, but a lot of the endgame revolves around Couya Faiza and Hibrides and these deaths would be very significant to THEM in varying capacities. It affects the trajectory of the final stretch of their arcs and adds a lot of layers to the ultimate Couya/Faiza conflict. I also liked their deaths being kind of random and shitty and meaningless because that in of itself is kinda ~thematically resonant~ with the story. (A lot of tension between the lack of intrinsic meaning to events and the profound levels of meaning ascribed to them).
I'm almost definitely not going with this version of events though. Janeys and Brakul don't have much active involvement in the endgame and don't Really need to be alive for it as it stands, but I think the version where every main character (except Faiza she's doomed) survives to see What Has Been Wrought and living to experience the fallout ultimately works better.
#In retrospect probably not clear enough that the baby feeling demadn is 'I am planning to die imminently you will never have#to deal with me again can I FUCKING feel signs of life from my dead boyfriend's bastard fetus currently in your body before I do'#and not 'let me feel the baby or I kms'. With the latter Hibrides would be like 'Okay Then Die' instead of 'FINE go ahead and then die'#The current scenario might involve the tribute extraction party Not all dying but rather one being killed and the other two being#badly wounded and taken hostage (with the realization of what the consequences of the first killing will entail- as a desperate#attempt to stand off against the pilgrimage and bargain for their safe release)#So the character involvement can stay Similar without ending in death and the fallout of these events will get messy in different ways#The massacre is also the straw that breaks the camel's back that leads to the province of Lobera declaring itself an independent#city-state and seceding from Imperial Wardin so like the pilgrimage spends the final third mostly traversing through outright#hostile territory it's great stuff for them.#A massacre like this happening is pretty much standard for wartime sackings and would not be questioned much if committed#against a declared enemy but this was inflicted on Imperial Wardi civilians which is a big fucking deal
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Still thinking about Jopson after the other day and I feel like there's a wee bit similarity between he and David Young that I want to discuss and weep over more.
Young clearly had an incredibly difficult, poverty-stricken upbringing 'at the Foundlings' and it shows in the way that just keeps on trucking until he breaks down completely. Enduring all the hardships and misery of Victorian Britain had been ruining his health so much from the day he was born and had been doing it so insidiously that he didn't even think much of all the horrible symptoms of illness that had been inflicting him. They were simply par for the course. He'd been enduring them all his life.
And I think Jopson's deterioration very much echoes all of that. We know he's from a working class background and endured many hardships throughout his life also whether it be, again, the usual awful vagaries of the time period or the additional mental/emotional stress related to his mother.
Like Young, Jopson seems to just keep on trucking until he breaks down completely. One minute we see him help to lift a whole adult man into a whaleboat and then, seemingly in the blink of an eye, there he is in bed going downhill fast. It's not hard to imagine that his hard life would also have had him thinking little of the horrors his body was going through and being destroyed by.
It's not hard to imagine that he also had been enduring those kinds of things all his life...
#And whatever you do#Don't think about the idea that humphing poor Peglar into the boat really was the straw that broke the camel's back#Don't think about the idea that yet another act of love and care for another person was what finally did Jopson in#Finally pushed his body past breaking point#Or do think about that and weep along with me#It's all proper 'doomed by the narrative' shit it really is#The Terror#The Terror AMC#Thomas Jopson#David Young#Observations#Meta#Need to think and write more about class structures in general I really do
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I don't believe liking immoral and downright evil characters says anything about you as a person, but I think acting like this definitely does.
"The HH fanbase will defend Valentinoto the moon and back" this and "Val is praised by a majority of the fandom" that, except said majority of the fandom fucking HATES that moth and fans have been harassed, had their art scribbled on to "fix" it, repeatedly called "rapist apologists" and "abuse romanticisers", get questioned or accused about condoning him irl, received graphic death/rape threats and are in general mistreated by the fandom. A Val cosplayer was mistreated and had a gun pulled on them IN REAL LIFE not even a year ago. Even the VA got repeatedly asked or assumed to be like the character he plays because "why else would he want to voice a rapist??" and told they deserve for choosing that role (fucking WILD btw). People that like Valentino as a character are the minority of the fandom, and even there NO ONE defends him. We all realise he's a disgusting individual whose actions shouldn't be defended in any capacity. What kinda bullshit lie is that?
I'm also in the Mouthwashing fandom, and it too has a bunch of issues. Infantilising Curly and minimising his actions, making Swansea to be better than he actually is and ignoring that he knew of the SA, people still debating or not realising that Jimmy raped Anya in the first place, shipping Jimmy and Curly (which isn't even a bad thing or a real problem but this person would see it that way), ect. But sure, conveniently don't bring that up. Anything for the Hazbin Hotel hate, right 💀
These next comments especially piss me off (nevermind how they're talking about an abuse survivor which is gross already). This might be a hot take and I don't care if that's the case, but I think people refusing to call Jimmy by name and excluding him from the cast is not show of a "good" fandom, actually. Jimmy has a lot more to him besides being a rapist. Rape culture, toxic masculinity, capitalistic exploitation, misogyny, male dominance-- there's sooo much more to explore and discuss about his character besides him being a rapist. And he's an incredibly disturbing character in a fucking horror game. If you can only refer to him by some stupid nickname (which takes away the seriousness of his character imo), ignore the significance of his role and themes in the story and the rest of his character and reduce him to a single trait that's BAD. That's not a good thing, and in fact, probably makes you worse than the people that do like his character because they can at least separate fiction and reality and not scrap well written disturbing characters for the sake of "comfort" or moral standing (again, in a horror game of all things). People shouldn't feel bad for liking Jimmy because he's a very good character, and ignoring that completely and acting like there aren't people who could like him... kinda sucks?
Moving over, Valentino is not and has NEVER been portrayed in a positive light in the show. I can't wrap my head around people that genuinely think that. Whenever I hear people say that the arguments I always see are "he shouldn't be attractive" and "he's just a cartoon villain" and "he acts silly and quirky even tho he's a rapist" among other things, and I don't think these people realise they're spouting eugenics bullshit and demonstrating that they don't know anything about his character simultaneously. No, Valentino isn't a "positive" portrayal of a rapist because he's attractive (way to tie morality to appearance btw). No, Valentino isn't a positive portrayal of a rapist because he acts goofy and funny and silly. Those traits are intentional and important to his character. Val is the Overlord of lust and depravity, hell's most famous pimp. His beauty is how he lures in unsuspecting sinners, and his personality is how he gains their trust and gets them to sell their souls for him to exploit (notice how Angel signed his soul away willingly). He's supposed to be appealing. He's supposed to be charming. He's entire persona is meant to be disarming. If he were like Jimmy or just a one-note unlikeable guy, his position in the show and his relationships with the characters wouldn't make sense, so he isn't. That doesn't make him a more positive portrayal or anything, it just means he's more fleshed out and written more complex than you want him to be. He's a very real depiction of an abuser, of their two-faced nature and how being attractive and charming to others doesn't make you less of an abusive monster to someone else. For context, I have been abused by someone extremely similar to Val, so his depiction feels very real to me and it's extremely tiring seeing a bunch of assholes who have probably not even seen the show or have been abused act like he's "romanticised" or "unrealistic" or "bad" simply because he was written by Vivziepop (who's ALSO an SA survivor like what is wrong with you 💀).
This is a broader point and not entirely related to this specific case, but we don't give people shit like this over people liking murderers and serial killers-- acting like all a sudden liking a rapist character says something negative about their writing or about the people that like them is INCREDIBLY stupid. People don't talk like this about Alastor and Vox-- who are both VERY despicable people. Both of them are also abusers among other horrible things, but they're not (or at least Alastor isn't) rapists so they're "not as bad". This is a sentiment I see all the time in both the fandom and hatedom whenever Valentino discourse comes back up, and this line of logic that rapists are a unique evil that can't be liked as characters in fiction but murderers and cannibals and serial killers are totally Ok is so dangerous and backwards. Liking evil characters says nothing about you as a person aside from the fact that you're a freak in the fun way. Liking evil characters but then going after others who do as well because you consider their character "too evil" and watering down the crimes of yours to justify liking them says a lot about you tho. Saying that the characters you like says something negative you in general does too.
We seriously need to stop bringing morality into fiction and saying that "normal" people wouldn't like certain immoral characters. We need to stop ostracising people for their "problematic" ships, proudly brag about ostracising them and justify it by calling them "weirdos". We need to stop saying villains are "badly written" because they're not written how YOU want them to be written, regardless of whether or not that opinion is valid (which in this case it isn't). We need to stop putting fandoms in some weird competition with each other about how characters are written and spit on people who actually enjoy them, are comforted by them or felt seen by them (gestures at the whole Angel dust situation barely a week ago). And honestly we need to stop giving attention to people like this, who spread a false narrative and kick others down for being fans of a media they don't like or know squat about for whatever reason. Who spread lies about the media or fandom in question in way that's blatantly in bad faith.
This crappy post is sitting a 17k while I'm typing this. The way people can just say ANYTHING about Hazbin Hotel and its fandom-- doesn't matter if it's valid or true or if they watched the show or know anything about the fandom at all, it just has to be negative-- and others will eat it up no questions asked needs to be studied at this point. We saw that in the months the show first aired. We saw that with the Angel Dust video. We're seeing this again here. I don't think we should be harassing anybody over fiction and in general (and needless to say don't harass any of these people) but calling out bad actors who pull shit like this more often and making it uncool to shittalk Hazbin Hotel and its fandom (and any fandom from unapologetically dark media where the people deal with enough bullshit already) for no reason and in bad faith is a change I'd be down with. Like, wash your mouth of its name and disappear into the shadow realm, goddamnit.
#hazbin hotel#mouthwashing#hazbin hotel valentino#jimmy mouthwashing#hazbin hotel angel dust#fandom discourse#fandom discussion#head in my fucking hands#on that note this is the straw that breaks the camel's back for me i'm going private and then on a blocking spree again#i'm so sick of seeing these people whenever their posts blow up like go away and stay gone#“hh fans defend val” “angel dust is bad rep” “the rape is just a fetish” shut the FUCK up oh my god just shut up all of you 💀#i'm so sick and tired of seeing that all the time if you can't fucking read for shit then say so stop making stuff up#i'm sorry for being so harsh kinda but i've seen 1000 too many people repeating that stupid drivel#what upsets me even more is that almost every val fan i've encountered is an abuse survivor themselves and they already treated so horribly#so seeing people who aren't even in the fandom lie that they “defend” his actions and making it easier to be shitty to them is... uggggghhh#ugh it's so gross and i hate how people just agree with them because it's hazbin hotel specifically like uugghh#i woke up to this my page and my tired ass felt petty enough to write this down as a response cuz actually fuck that noise#especially seeing the comments on that post like god i know i should love my neighbour but said neighbours are making it so difficult#does any of this even make sense i wrote this on the fly without planning it beforehand#whatever i'm really tired so pardon any grammar mistake i'll get them later maybe#momento rambles
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welp . due to "unforeseen" circumstances, imma have to leave my toxic ass household :D
#like lolllll who is surprised#i just didn't think i'd potentially have lesser of a relationship w my sibling bc of it#but it is what it is#idk what it is about male-centered women standing behind their man when they're manipulative violent assholes#but again - how can i really blame a victim like i get it ig ur in a hostage situation yourself babe#anyways. idk where my dad got this bat from but i got it in my room just in case someone wants to put their hands on me again#mind you - my situation is literally so easily solvable but bc these ppl are stubborn ...#like. the entitlement is crazy idk#like u want me to be down in the basement with YOUR kids that u neglect and don't even watch#and get mad when i set ground rules for them to follow? which is cleaning up after themselves???? oh brother#like you would think you'd wanna be down here to monitor ur kids but nooooo#they literally want the room upstairs and it was *decided* before we moved in (i didnt even have a chance jdksks)#and they want it bc they want to be far away from their own kids as possible.... like yalls actions are shitty.#imagine if i did ts to them where I have kids - I have them near you - and I DO NOTHING to parent them . thats a frustrating situation for#anybody i feel like ??#and before we moved - i DID have the upstairs like woopty doo ig nicer ofc and they were STEADYYYY trying to get me out of that room#(mind you - i have lived there since i was 12/13 and they came wayyy after)#like ... r u kidding me lolololol u want authority so bad over a basement ur not even in anymore#like mind u im not trying to overstep and be their parent ? ik im not . im just their auntie#its just so wilddddd to me they dont see how silly this is?#like maybe im wrong ? but having ur kids stay downstairs when ur upstairs was already off to me. like bffr u want them kids out your face#and u tryna pass them off to me and it's not subtle. but then get mad when i say smth abt behavior OH BROTHERRRRR#but anyways. the straw that broke the camels back was the fact this ngga spit on me. AND then put his hands on me. like omg???#i wanna break his shit so bad w this bat but chile....that is not productive and that is not me#but the rage i have omgggg. i wanna cus its like?? fuck you. ur literally an ABUSERRR idgaf about ur feelings btch.#chatter
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I've been forgetting like regular everyday words and stopping mid sentence a lot lately. ... googling if I should be concerned
#its the depression the anemia the fibromyalgia and anxiety and the disorded eating#but really#my brain has been in molasses for weeks now#it could be stress and probably is#dont uhhhh dont know what to do abt that tho lol#i think everything just stresses me out#you know the genocides that politicians are ignoring and me feeling like an idiot going to work everyday#boycotting the big 3 but ultimately just feeling helpless from where i am#thats a weight and god i cannot imagine the horrors and the despair gaza and condo are all feeling#i pray every and am finding things i can do#but ultimately thats a big weight on my mind#as it should be#but i dont know if thats the straw breaking the camels back for me#suddenly feeling like i have an illusive concussion if that makes sense??#idk ik i need to go to the dr but i dont wanna payyyyyy
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squidward voice i am NOT 'on the mend' and i NEVER WILL BE so stop CHECKING UP ON ME
#me trying to not scream at the top of my lungs on the phone with my supervisor#who seems to think it is heartening for me to hear how she feels she can divine how i'm doing based on how i sound on the phone#'you sound better than yesterday so at least you're on the mend!'#like i will be 'on the mend' once i'm out of fucking insurance deadlock and am able to get the meds multiple doctors want for me#i get that she's talking about whatever bug i've caught that is absolutely wiping me out#but i really do not feel meaningfully better than yesterday even if i sound less congested lmao#so that's cool#winning all around here#like i'm increasingly afraid that this cold or whatever is the straw that is uuuuhhhh in the process of breaking the camel's back#the issue isn't that i'm congested#the issue is that i'm so fucking tired i can't see straight and can't THINK straight#loop back around to 'don't worry about not feeling well it hasn't impacted your work performance at all <333'#well now what. it is now! you literally told me yesterday that you've been getting complaints#i take these complaints with some grains of salt because these are two notoriously unreasonable people#but it's very canary in a coal mine i think and i don't look forward to uuuhhh how this is going to progress#one girl that was fired a couple years back... like no matter how i am assured that she was slacking and stealing time or whatever#all i've ever heard is 'person with health issues is no longer efficient so we fired her'
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things are nott going well for me. things are actually going really bad
#my laptop is broken. my plans for tonight cant happen. my sister was berating me for eating again. i seriously am at my fucking tipping poin#straw that breaks the camels back you know#i fucking cant do thisss. i cant cnat.m cant. if my thing on friday gets cancelled idk what im gonna do eith myself#all this stuff seems small and shitty but it just keeps building up istggg#vent
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it was a day. and there was anxiety too.
#star stumbles#personalll lol#tldr (well. a tldr of what i was not bothered to type): computer needs repair but all my assignments need to be done! work day turned into#impromptu meal that gave me more stress even when it should not have#test tomorrow and four classes. repair guy also coming tomorrow but idk what time and since i have to be in class and then work for the#majority of the day now i’m stressed i won’t be home or available when they come#but also my computer needs to be repaired i’ve been using my mom’s today but i need to bring something with me to school#anyways. i could say more but it’s already complicated enough in my head#it’s the thousand tiny stressed straws that break a camel’s back#oh! and just got a notif that the guy i successfully ghosted last semester sent me a reel and now i don’t want to click on it#(he’s a fine guy just has a high demand)
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"Big Girls Cry Too"
The LADS Men walking in on you having a good cry after bottling everything up and that one bad day at work was the final straw. Look even the baddest bitches cry doesn’t change the fact that mc (all of us) is still the baddest. [Requested by: Anon]
Zayne
Zayne: Are you hurt?
MC: I'm just tired
Zayne: Did you not sleep well last night?
MC: Mentally Zayne im just.....I don't know
Zayne: Talk to me what’s troubling you?
MC: I can’t find the words
Zayne: Well then just say anything I'll piece it together as you go
MC: I just .... I feel so ..... but I can't .. and today was just ..... I don't know
Zayne: You're just overworking yourself to keep your mind off your grandma and Caleb but you want a break however you can't seem to catch one and today was the straw that broke the camels back?
MC: What are you a mind reader?
Zayne: No I'm an MC reader
He would sit with you and hold you in his arms while you were a blubbering mess.
Zayne: I'll stay right here for as long as you need
Rafayel
Rafayel: I told you to stop abandoning me for that place look what its done to you
MC: Not now Raf im tired
Rafayel: I know
MC: So stop making jokes
Rafayel: Do you want to talk about it?
MC: No
Rafayel: Do you want me to leave?
MC: *sniffles* No
Rafayel: Good I wasn’t going to *throws you over his shoulder*
MC: Where are we going?!
Rafayel: For a swim it always makes me feel better
MC: I just want to lay in bed
Rafayel: Trust me a dip in the water with me is like free therapy
MC: ….
Rafayel: You trust me?
MC: I trust you
Rafayel: Good I'll do anything to see those tears stop
MC: You’re too good to me
Rafayel: Next time you need to cry call me … I have two shoulders just for you
Xavier
Xavier: Who upset you?
MC: Everything
Xavier: I can’t fight everything
MC: Why not I’m tired of it all
Xavier: What’s going on?
MC: I just need a good cry from time to time
Xavier: How often is ‘time to time’
MC: …..twice a week
Xavier: Come here
MC: *lays on top of Xavier as he rubs your back*
Xavier: Feeling better?
MC: actually ….. yea …. Is this why you lay on me all the time?
Xavier: You’re like a human battery recharger … my personal charger
MC: Are you sad every time ?
Xavier: Not every time but sometimes
MC: Oh I never noticed
Xavier: That’s because being around you makes me happy
MC: Can I lay here for a while ….. please
Xavier: Will that make you happy?
MC: *sniffles & nods*
Xavier: I’ll be your human body pillow whenever you want
Sylus
Sylus: Are you crying?
MC: *sniffles* no
Sylus: You’re a terrible liar sweetie
MC: I had a tough day at work
Sylus: A tough day at work huh?
MC: ….yea
Sylus: Sweetie it’s okay to cry in front of me I know you’ve been bottling up your emotions
MC: You don’t know anything
Sylus: I know this will help *Starts giving you a scalp massage*
MC: You don’t know if it’s helping …… but don’t stop
Sylus: I didn’t plan to …. come here
Sylus takes a seat on the bed and moves you to straddle his lap. You lay your head on his shoulder while he continues to massage your scalp with one hand and rub your back with the other.
MC: Don’t you have work to do?
Sylus: You are always a top priority princess
#love and deepspace#sylus love and deepspace#sylus#lnds sylus#love and deepspace sylus#lads#lads rafayel#lads zayne#lads xavier#zayne love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#xavier love and deepspace#lnds rafayel#lnds zayne#lnds xavier#lads sylus#nikaaaaimagine
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wow. maybe raising your kid with a religion that's supposed to hinge on unconditional love but instead making it very very clear that all love is actually intensely conditional will seriously fuck them up.
#oh sure they'd claim they still love me#but i remember that one summer#i'll live with that forever and nothing will undo its mark on me#god i don't think i even fully discussed that with my last therapist#bc back then the focus was on my now-ex and mitigating my intense anxious attachment issues#still have the anxious attachment! apparently!#it is so so hard for me to believe that a singular error#(or like...a straw that breaks the camel's back)#will not send everything good crashing down around me#it's like i myself am always in threat of overdraft on ppl's love#and i need to do everything in my power to make up for all my shitty qualities#so i don't actually hit 0 on that account#but also like no effort will ever be enough to secure me against the moment ppl realize i'm Awful#also like. most relationships excluding the gf have hinged on this principle.#D and the ex and my parents................#truly it's that it was people who claimed they liked me ''no matter what'' and then the What happened#and it's like. whoops.
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I LIKE THE WAY YOU KISS ME
Summary: You and Lando need to talk after what transpired on the car ride to the hotel. What will you both decide? [2.5k]
[lando norris x reader ]
MASTERLIST | Part 1 - LAY UR HANDS ON ME
Warnings: 18+ for explicit language and smut, unprotected sex, oral, missionary
Note: Thank you all so much for the love, support and patience! I wanted it to be spicy but also a little soft, I hope it comes off that way. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3 I hope it's alright that I tagged everyone who commented on part 1! Happy reading, love you all!
The tension in the air is palpable. It’s fog clinging to the morning air, waiting to dissipate. It’s a sink threatening to overflow, every passing moment teetering closer to the edge of chaos. It’s a champagne bottle, waiting for just the right push to pop. Lando stands with his back to the hotel door as you stand in front of your bed, fidgeting with your fingers. The silence in the elevator and the walk to the room is almost frightening. The adrenaline from the car ride had slowly faded as you stood, frozen in place. Your palms feel sweaty, your heart pounding in your chest. You both stand in the limbo of uncertainty’s clutch.
“What if we just –”
“We can pret –”
Your words collide in the air, an awkward and strained laugh escaping the both of you. Doubt begins to gnaw at your mind, maybe he’s regretting it? You wonder. Maybe he was in need of some release and you happened to give it to him.
“If you want,” you begin tentatively, voice barely above a whisper. “We can pretend this never happened.”
Lando takes in a sharp breath, nodding. He shifts from foot to foot, bottom lip curled between his teeth as he nervously bites into it. He blinks, eyes watering. His chest begins to tighten up and he feels like he could break down then and there. Maybe in the spur of the moment, his lapse of judgment was the final straw that broke the camel's back and you’re eager to forget about the eventful ride over.
“Is that what you want?” he asks, sitting down on his bed. His voice is quiet, barely audible as he twists his fingers in his hands. He can’t bring himself to meet your eyes and stares down at your shoes.
A heavy silence envelops the room, and for a moment, the world seems to hold its breath, anticipation building in the man who sits before you. Blinking the tears that had snuck into your eyes, you shake your head. Your chest feels heavy as you answer him.
“No.”
The single word cuts through the air like a knife and hands there for a second. Time stands still for a moment as Lando’s head whips up to look at you. Time crashes down over you as he collides with you.
You weren’t quite sure of what you expected from your first kiss with Lando yet as his lips brushed with yours you couldn’t help but be struck by how perfect his lips felt on yours. His hands are cradling your cheeks, fingers pressing lightly into your skin as if he’s scared he’ll shatter you like fine porcelain. There is a delicate urgency in how his lips dance over yours. Years upon years of longing rising to the surface of your skin. His tongue slips past your lips, he can taste the remnants of the wine from earlier, a mixture of desire and indulgence.
His hands move with a purpose, one gently placed at the joint of your jaw, a possessive gesture that sends a thrill of anticipation coursing through your veins. The other rests firmly on the small of your back, pushing you closer with a quiet promise of ecstasy to come. He nudges your chin up with his hand, moving slowly and carefully.
He pulls away, eyes droopy and half-lidded with desire. His thumb brushes over your bottom lip, pulling it down slightly. You’re both heaving as you stand in the middle of the room, taking a moment to admire one another. The youthfulness and beauty of his face are so much more evident up close. It's nothing short of captivating. You had always thought he was handsome but now you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. You can count the freckles scattered on his sun-kissed skin, the speckles of colour in his eyes are like shards of glass and his long lashes frame them beautifully.
His hands fall from your face, sliding down and behind your shoulders. “Turn around,” he says. You comply, moving to face the other way. His hands move over the expanse of your back and you get a flashback to the moment you sat in his lap, just under 15 minutes ago. His breath is fanning on your back, a familiar chill surging through your body again.
His fingers land on the zipper of your dress, tugging on it as he asks for your permission to take it off. You nod, collecting your hair to one side. He pulls the zip down, fingers dragging lightly over the increasingly exposed skin. He presses his mouth tenderly to your spine, pulling a shaky breath from your lips. He pushes the straps of your dress off your shoulders, sending the fabric to the floor. It leaves you standing in your underwear, having foregone a bra. You turn around to face him, eyes scanning his face once again.
His lips find their way to your jaw, nipping lightly at it. You push his blazer from his shoulders, moving to unbutton his crisp white shirt.
He shoves you lightly but with enough force to send you falling back onto the bed. He can’t help but admire you as you lay there. Your hair is out in a halo around your head and you're propping yourself up on your elbows, eyes wide as you gaze up at him.
He pulls his trousers off and you can see the shape of his cock through his boxers. Lowering himself on top of you, he litters kisses over your chest, lips coming to wrap around a pebbled nipple. You arch your back slightly at the feeling of his lips over the sensitive bud. Your hand goes to his hair, threading through it as he pushes his face further into the plushness of your tit. His other hand is snaking down your body, snapping the waistband of your underwear.
Your breath hitches in your throat as he moves down, sitting back on his knees. He pulls a leg up over his shoulder, beginning to trail kisses from your ankle to your knee. Your skin is soft and warm, goosebumps starting to bloom over it.
You’re nervous as he makes his way up your thigh, teeth teasingly dipping into the soft skin. You let out a gasp as he does so, moving his lips to your other leg. In an instant, he’s back at the top of your leg, at the junction where they meet. He kisses the damp fabric of your underwear, eyes peering up at you.
“Can I take these off?” He asks innocently. You hesitate, heart threatening to pop out of your chest. You nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. His fingers hook around your underwear, pulling them down swiftly. Your knees come together on instinct.
He lets out a small chuckle, moving onto the floor in front of the bed. He pulls you to the edge by the crook of your knees, pressing a kiss to each one.
“I want a taste.” He hums, only causing your heart to beat faster. His hands move up to take hold of your hips, pressing his cheek to your knees as if to ask are you ready? He waits until you’ve given him a small yet decisive yes before gently pulling your legs open. He goes straight to your sex, pressing his lips to your folds before spreading them open, making a v with his fingers. He teases you, letting out a single soft puff. His tongue darts out, dragging over the sensitive flesh but not over the part where you need him most. This causes your hips to buck up, aching for more of his touch. He continues, now plunging his tongue inside you.
“Fuck –” you moan out, body beginning to tremble with need as he shoves his face even closer. Your fingers pull harshly at his hair as he flicks his tongue expertly at your hole, his groan sending vibrations through your body. His fingers grip tight at your hips, grounding you in place. He sends a red-hot feeling through you as he fucks the muscle into you steadily. It pokes into a spongy, sensitive spot within you. He pulls away, blowing gently at the wet skin.
“God, baby. You taste so fucking good.”
He slips a finger in, thumb moving in careful circles over your clit, eliciting more moans from you. A smile is playing on his lips, as you feel yourself teetering towards the edge, a coil tightening in your gut. You cry out, a wave of pleasure washing over you. Your hips are bucking and your legs try to close around his head.
He doesn’t stop licking and sucking at you, easing you down from your orgasm. Your chest heaves and you shake breathlessly. He pulls away, his face glistening with your juices. His eyes sparkle with lust as he presses his lips one more time to the skin of your thigh. It’s a look you’d only imagined in your mind.
He stands over you, admiring how you look with your cheeks flushed and a light layer of sweat on your skin. Your chest is rising up and down quickly as you come down from your high. You’re staring up at him, eyes hazy and lips parted. You look ethereal, a piece of art hanging in a museum, the image of perfection.
Regaining your breath, your hands work on Lando’s boxers, pulling them down and letting his cock spring free. It taps lightly at his stomach, a bead of pre-cum on the red angry tip. You wrap a hand around it, thumb going to run over the crease of the head. Lando hisses and shakes his head at you begin to jerk your hand. His voice is strained as he tells you no.
“Not tonight,” he says, tongue heavy in his mouth. “Just need to be inside you.”
You nod, moving up the bed, into its centre. He crawls over you, showering your body with kisses as he does so. A kiss right over your pubic bone, one on your ribcage and the last one over the corner of your mouth.
He stares into your eyes as he pushes in, bottom lip trapped between his teeth to keep him quiet. He fills you in a single movement, one powerful thrust. Your breath hitches as he does so, lips forming a tight o. You can feel his cock hit you just at the right spot, the pleasure making your eyes roll back. The squeeze of your cunt around his cock was better than Lando could have imagined.
He’s pushing your knees up and wrapping your legs around his waist as he starts a slow grind. He rolls into you, pushing deeper and deeper as he goes. He feels so good, it’s almost unbearable. You’re completely at his mercy, his touch spreading fires in you, wherever it goes.
You're writhing beneath him as he kisses you. His tongue is darting into your mouth, stealing your breath away.
“You’re so pretty like this, baby” he says over the sound of himself sliding in and out of you with ease. The sound is slick and wet, it’s filthy yet it only makes you fall deeper into pleasure’s embrace. Your body molds perfectly into him and you find yourself wondering how you’d never noticed that before. All those times when he held you, when you held him. There were so many signs and you were both oblivious to them.
He pushes down on your lower tummy and it presses something deeper within you. It pulls a whine from your lips as your hands find purchase on Lando’s shoulder, pulling him down so you’re almost chest to chest.
“You’re doing so good for me” he mumbles, lips against the shell of your ear. You clench around him, the words only spurring you on. He continues to fuck you into the mattress, stroking your walls just right.
“Lan, I –” you begin to say. The buildup is getting too much as you feel yourself swing closer to your climax. Lando can feel it too. The spasming of your body, the slight arch of your back. The air is knocked out of your chest as the moment hits, pleasure crashing over you. His name falls from your lips like a mantra and he only pushes faster. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you now. He thrusts into you one last time before he tips over the edge, losing himself then and there.
You feel him let out a gasp as he collapses over you in a sweaty mess. His body is heavy laying on top of yours but it isn’t uncomfortable. His skin is sticky and his breath fans over your neck. You’re both breathing heavily as the energy in the room begins to diminish. Your hand goes to thread through his unruly curls as he peppers light kisses to the column of your throat.
He gets up after a few minutes, telling you to sit still as he does. He returns with a towel, gently cleaning up the mess you’ve made together. He tosses it away and crawls back towards you, pulling the cover over the top of your bodies.
He stills against you, face nuzzling into the crook of your neck, mind only filled with thoughts of you. He can only really think of how flawlessly you fit together. Or the feeling of how delicious you feel pressed up against him.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to make a move,” he says, peering up at you. You smile, shaking your head. “And I’m sorry for not saying anything sooner.”
You both carry on there for a second, his cheek now pressed to your chest. His eyes have begun to flutter close as the gentle sound of your breathing slowly lulls him to sleep. His fingers are softly tracing circles on your ribcage where he holds you. There are no words exchanged between the two of you but there’s so much said in the silence as you cling to each other.
“Lan..” you whisper, voice soft. He hummed in response, squeezing you. You nibbled your lip nervously as the words waited in your mouth.
“I love you.” his fingers stop in their tracks. He let out a gentle, barely audible chuckle. You’re unsure of what his reaction is. He rises to his elbows and bounces slightly on the mattress, pressing a kiss to your stomach.
“Say it again,” he whispers, voice husky. His fingers are now prodding at your side and you let out bouts of laughter as he does.
“I love you.” he nips at the soft skin of your neck, evoking a laugh out of you. His energy seems renewed as his lips continue their dance over your skin and he gradually makes his way up to your face.
“I love you too,” he says, his smile wide, pulling you on top of him. “And I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”
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Dark Genderbend Cruella De Ville x Soft-Hearted! Reader
In a dimly lit, luxurious office, Cruell paced back and forth, his soft bi-colored hair cascading over his shoulders.
His dark brown eyes, usually filled with mockery and disdain, now burned with pure anger from the fact that he is waiting for his new late secretary.
The door to the study creaked open, and you, a young, curious individual, stepped in.
The air filled with tension, as the fashion disgner's eyes locked on the you, like a predator sizing up its prey, ready to attack.
"You're late," Cruella growled, her voice a sultry, smoky whisper.
You flushed, nervously adjusting your clothing.
"I'm sorry, it was the traffic and I-"
"The Traffic? Really? you chose to use an elementary school excuse for your deliberate negligence, how pathetic."
His insult caused your eyes to glisten with tears, as his words were the straw that broke the camel's back for you today.
And under any stress, you break into tears, yet you try your hardest to hold it in fear of getting fired.
You have been told that in career fields nobody considers your feelings, and that you need to handle pressure if you wish to survive.
And Cruell seems like the perfect example to step on you without any care.
You gulped, feeling the weight of his disapproval, as you quickly plead with him.
"Please, Mr. De Vil, give me a chance to make it up to you, I'll work twice as hard to ensure everything is perfect for your next collection."
"You are danse in every way possible to think that I will allow a naive stupid girl like you near my work"
At his words, you break down completely.
"I'm sorry, I know I'm not the best... I will leave right now"
The fashion designer stays silent for a minute before smirking.
"I will give you a chance, but not to become my secretary, no, I want you for a much greater cause"
You wipe your tears before looking up at him with hope in your eyes and asking.
"What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to become my wife"
Your eyes widens in shock at his proposal.
"What if I don't want to become your wife, Mr. De Vil?" you ask with curiosity, not trying to tease him.
Cruell narrows his eyes at you, chuckling in disbelief.
"I will destroy your life and reputation to the point where nobody accepts you in work nor social life"
That's how you end up as the wife of the villainous fashion designer.
#cruella de vil#reader insert#tw: toxic relationships#Male Cruella De Vil x Reader#Cruella De Vil x Reader#disney x reader
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Werewolf // Cinna’s Monstertober Writing Challenge
Tags: Werewolf!Geto x Fem!Reader, Alpha!Geto x Omega!Reader, A/B/O mechanics, marking, scenting, nesting, fated mates, description of violence including murder, NSFW, MDNI
Synopsis: Suguru knew you were his before you even presented as an omega, but the pack elders did not take too kindly to him marking you at such a young age. He kills anyone who gets in his way to you.
An: If you don’t like a/b/o or omegaverse, skip this one :3. If you’re a freak like me, enjoy! Also, this was my first time making my own banner in Canva.. what are we thinking?? I am also so sorry that this one is so late.
“Satoru… I’m going to kill them. I’m going to murder them all. I can’t do this anymore. She needs me.”
Let’s rewind, shall we?
Living in a small pack has its perks. Everyone is protective over one another and will always offer to help no matter what. Pack relations are strongest when the pack is smaller, and the pack is more likely to survive.
There are, of course, some cons as well. Everyone knows your business, and everyone wants a say in how you live your life.
For the longest you can remember, Suguru has been by your side. You two would spend a lot of time down at the creek together as kids. You two practically learned everything together: how to hunt, fish, trap, and forage.
He was your insistent shadow, and the pack elders thought it was adorable when you two were younger. He would without fail abandon the other small children to always go hang out with you. The two of you were like little partners in crime together.
Though their adoration turned to concern when Suguru never quite left your side. In fact, it was getting worse as he grew older. By the time he turned 13, He was abandoning hunting trips early to come home to you. He’d sneak out of his tent to go to yours late at night. Your parents would have to kick him out every morning, chastising both of you.
Though, the straw that broke the camel’s back wasn’t simple sleepovers and abandoned hunting trips. It was when he presented as an alpha. Everyone knew he would with how physically gifted he was as a young teen. He was also too damn protective for his own good, going as far as to breaking another kid’s nose for simply grabbing your wrist.
You were only a few months younger than Suguru, but you hadn’t presented yet. When he presented first, your parents forbade him from sleeping over. They were just trying their best to protect you. You two were “too old” and “not old enough” at the same time to be sleeping together.
Suguru, given that he now had the talk from his parents, knew what your parents were suggesting, but he hated it. He didn’t understand how your parents could think so lowly of him overnight just from presenting.
He lasted three nights. Three whole nights of not snuggling against you, not smelling your hair while you two drifted off to sleep, not hearing your soft snores in the dead of night. It was three sleepless nights.
Suguru always had an inkling that you were his. It was a rather strange feeling of possession, like he shouldn’t have to listen to your parents’ rules because you weren’t theirs. You were his.
His frustration only heightened when the pack started to impose longer hunting trips on him. Shorter hunting trips were reserved for those who hadn’t presented and mated alphas. Since they were mated, they couldn’t be away from their mate for too long; thus, getting the smaller trips.
All these things led him to the conclusion: you’re his mate, and he needed to mark you to prove it.
After a particularly taxing hunting trip, Suguru’s eyes filtered through the camp. Everyone was as painfully jovial as usual: sitting around doing absolutely fuck all. His eyes landed on you, and he could feel the tension melting away from him almost instantaneously. You were in charge of looking after the small children, even though you yourself were still a child.
His feet stomped over toward you without a second thought, and his hand wrapped around your arm tightly, pulling you along behind him.
“Ah- Sugu. Where are we going? I’m working-!” You shout as he continues to drag you along silently. “Sugu- The kids…” You murmur as the two of you head further into the forest.
“They’ll be fine for a few minutes.” He responded calmly before he glanced behind him. The camp was far enough away now. No one would be able to see the two of you unless they were specifically looking for you.
“What are we doing, Sugu?” You asked with a small nervous smile. You had started to have to look up at him these days. It was as if he was growing taller overnight. No longer just a boy.
He also started to stink — well, it wasn’t like a smelly smell, but it was unfamiliar. Your parents had explained pheromones. You didn’t particularly like them since you hadn’t presented yet.
“I need you to sit still, and don’t scream.” He instructed before he dipped his head between your shoulder and jaw. He experimentally sniffed at your neck — completely scentless. The only smell coming from you was your strawberry shampoo that he had grown accustomed to.
“Why would I-“ His large hand covered your mouth before you could get out another word, and he opened his mouth before clamping down on your neck. His K9’s punctured your skin, allowing for blood to trickle down your skin.
A pained cry fled your mouth, but it was muffled by his hand. Suguru felt his heart begin to race. It was happening. You were finally officially his. No one could tell him otherwise — not even your silly parents.
He calmly reassured you that you were okay while you softly wept. Your hand covered the bloody mark on your neck. He was just marking you. You know, like it was no big deal.
After sweetly kissing your tears away, he proudly walked you back to camp once you had calmed down from crying, satisfied with himself. Your hands were laced together like true mates.
The first to immediately notice was Satoru, another alpha who was barely a year older than Suguru. His eyes widened as he caught a glimpse of your marked neck.
“Suguru, what did you do?” He asks like a mother scolding her son. Usually, this was the other way around. Satoru would’ve never expected Suguru to do something as reckless as this.
“Don’t be so dramatic, Satoru. I just marked her.” He shrugs nonchalantly, still so proud of himself.
“You don’t understand. She hasn’t presented. This isn’t good. We need to-“
Your face was flushed a bright red, and Satoru could see your breath becoming more and more labored with each passing second. He frantically looked around, trying to think of what to do. Suguru probably didn’t even know that he just inadvertently forced your body to present. Having been marked, your body was now plummeting itself into a heat.
Suguru could feel you gently tugging on his hand, trying to get his attention. When he looked back at you, his eyes widened. He could tell what your body was going through, but he was just a boy. He didn’t know how to handle it.
“What are you three up to? Why aren’t the children being tended to-“ A clan elder asked after seeing the small children running around without you to watch them. His eyes landed on you, and he immediately tensed up at the scene. “What- How… Geto.”
*** *** ***
“He’s just a boy!” Suguru’s mom pleaded with tears in her eyes. Her hands clasped the young boy’s shoulders. “He has a whole life ahead of him! Don’t do this to him.”
“You’re right. He is just a boy, so it was your responsibility to teach him about these things.” A pack elder spoke.
“He’s an alpha. Even if they taught him those things, he would’ve acted on his own volition anyways.” Another spoke.
“Who even allowed him to be around her? He was suppose to be on a hunting trip, no?”
“We got back early. It was my responsibility, but we were carrying back a large buck. My mind was preoccupied. I accept full responsibility for his actions.”
“You can’t take on the full burden of responsibility. Geto is old enough to know right from wrong, and he chose the wrong path. He took that girl in the woods and marked her before she even presented as an omega.” The pack leader spoke.
Suguru stood completely motionless in front of his parents. He stayed looking down at the ground. While they argued over his future in the pack, his mind was stuck on you. They had ripped you away from him the second that the pack elder had realized that your body was in heat. He wondered if you were being taken care of okay. He wondered if you missed him as much as he missed you already. He wondered if he’d get to see you again.
“He’s done so much for this pack at such a young age. Please.. Don’t do this to him. He has his whole life ahead of him.” His mother pleaded once again. “We’ll keep a closer eye on him. We’ll do whatever it takes.”
“What about my daughter’s life?” Your dad finally spoke up after being silent for far too long. “That bastard tainted her. She could’ve presented as anything: alpha, beta, or omega, but no, he forced biology upon her with a godforsaken mark. He should be shunned from the pack.”
“He can’t be allowed to be in the same space as her. He’s already proven that he can’t be trusted. The last thing we need is for a young omega to fall pregnant because an alpha doesn’t know restraint.”
“Don’t you two have family anywhere she can stay with… just until she’s a bit older? The mark might fade after they’ve been separated for a while.” Another pack elder spoke up to your parents.
“You’re seriously removing our daughter instead of the problem child? That’s fucking rich. So, what will happen when he marks another omega far too early, huh?” Your dad argued, clenching his jaw.
“I wouldn’t do that.” Suguru finally spoke up, looking your dad in the eye. A stare off between the two ensued.
“If this is how this pack operates, fine. I don’t want her in here if we protect alphas simply due to their gender instead of the innocent.” Your dad finally grit out before stomping away from the meeting.
It took three full grown alphas and Satoru to hold Suguru back while you were leaving. They wouldn’t even allow him to say goodbye to you, not even when you cried out his name. Not even when you begged, pleaded, asked why.
*** *** ***
Suguru was never quite the same after you and your family left. It had been years. He was just a boy when they took you. Now, he’s a twenty year old brooding alpha. He was aloof towards everyone, and he only confided in Satoru. His friend seemed to he the only one who understood that he wasn’t trying to hurt you. He didn’t know that his mark would cause a great deal of stress on your body, and had he known, he wouldn’t have done it.
The rest of the pack looked at him with reserved disdain. He was a stain upon their community. Your parents were well liked in the pack, and he was the reason they weren’t there anymore.
Words kept getting tossed around, and the pack members who weren’t there for the meeting were terribly misinformed. As the rumors spread, the story became more and more horrid. They painted him out to be a monster who held you down while you begged him not to and bit your neck forcibly.
Suguru never tried to correct the stories. He had nothing to prove to these people, the people that sent you away from him. They could all think of him as a monster, especially if it meant they stayed the hell away from him.
The only thing that kept Geto from expulsion from the pack was his innate ability to hunt. His beast from was truly that of an apex predator. He went on extravagant hunting trips often, and he kept the pack fed on wonderful meats.
He looked for you, his mate, on every hunting trip. He tried to remember the faint smell that started to emit from you when your body went into heat. He looked for every sign of you.
He knew the mate bond was still strong because he could feel everything through it. He hated when you felt sad. He knew you experienced some sort of nightmares without him there to care for you while you slept. Your happiness made him feel bittersweet. He wanted you to be happy, but the thought of you being happy without him made him sick.
Your heats were the worst. Suguru would sulk in his tent in a state of horny depression. He should be taking care of you, tending to your body and every desire you had. He should be helping you nest and kissing every spot on your body while cooing praises to you.
Instead, he’s laying in his own sweat and cum, too much of a sad sack of shit to make himself go get cleaned up. His tent stunk of potent pheromones. Your heats, even while being so far away, managed to throw him into a rut each time.
He could feel your dissatisfaction. You were pining for him to come help you. It was as if you were screaming down the mate bond for him to come save you. He missed you so damn bad that he started to hate the smell of strawberries. They smelled too much of you and reminded him of what he couldn’t have
He knew that the elders still kept in touch with your parents. They were high ranking leaders in the community after all. They knew where you were, and they still opted to keep you away from him.
You and him were suffering because of the fucking elders. They caused all of this. If they would’ve kept their fucking noses out of y’all’s business, none of this would be happening.
“Satoru… I’m going to kill them. I’m going to murder them all. I can’t do this anymore. She needs me.” Suguru was practically crying for help. He was sat in his tent, holding his head in shame. His arms and legs were practically trembling.
The homicidal thoughts started when you left. It was sneaky at first, but they only got worse over time. His friend was the only one who knew about them. He knew how badly Geto craved to end their lives.
“Let me talk to them. They might listen to me.” Satoru spoke calmly as he gazed as his heartbroken best friend. The tent was heavy with the scent of alpha rut and distress. He could tell Suguru was really going through it right now.
*** *** ***
Suguru’s beast form was nothing short of a monster. He was the strongest, right next to Satoru.
His black fur was matted with blood as he pawed at the remains of the pack leader. Satoru had tried to talk to them, but they instantly shut him down. Then, to make matters worse, they sent him away on a hunting trip that same day.
Without Satoru there to keep the thoughts at bay, Suguru literally couldn’t help himself. The beast shifted before he could even do anything about it, and he was instantly blood hungry.
Tears coated his face as he shifted back to his human form. Killing the elders didn’t even help soothe him. He just wanted his fucking mate for christ’s sake. He sat on the floor in a scatter of papers from where the two beasts had fought valiantly.
Nothing could replicate the feeling of emptiness that filled him in that moment. His best friend wasn't there. His mate had been gone for oh so long. The pack leaders were now all deceased. When tomorrow morning rolled around, he'd likely be ostracized from his pack for the murders.
He laid his head back against the wall with his hands covering his face. He just wanted to see Satoru one last time before he was expelled and shunned. He wanted to apologize and thank Gojo for sticking by him for all these years.
At some point, the sleep deprivation got to Geto, causing for him to fall asleep naked in the massacre that was the pack leader's tent. Nightmares of slaughter plagued his dreams. Your face haunted him. He wondered what could've been had he known better than to mark you at an early age.
It felt so real, that he swore he heard your voice, though it was different in his dream. Your voice wasn't as squeaky as it use to be. It was smooth with age and experience yet still soft spoken. Maybe he was forgetting the way you sounded? The thought terrified him. His memory was all he had left of you.
You were... laughing? No, it couldn't be you. The voice sounded more like Gojo's-
The tent unzipping. A gasp. "Shit. Don't-" Gojo's voice.
Geto fluttered his eyes open to see Gojo standing in the small doorway of the makeshift shelter. He had... a woman's eyes covered. Her bottom lip was trembling.
"Suguru, what did you do?" Satoru asked like he did all those years back, and suddenly, Suguru felt like a small child who had no impulse control. He quickly scrambled up to his feet, using a random sheet of paper to cover his manhood.
"You were gone, and I just... I just really fucking..." His words trailed as his eyes looked over towards the woman. His heart started to pound in his chest. She looked... so much like you. It was as if he was being confronted with the ghost of his past once again.
"I went to go get her, Suguru." Satoru calmly explained with a hint of bite in his tone. "You really think I'd listen to what those old geezers said about not going to look for her? I grilled every last one of them until they slipped up and gave me enough information to find her."
Geto's eyes were as wide as saucers, and his pupils were dilated as he stared at the woman who was quietly trembling next to Satoru. His hand covered most of her face. "Is that...?"
"In the flesh." Satoru said as his hand slowly dropped from your eyes. Chills shot through Geto's body as he saw his mate's face again.
"Sugu..." Your little nickname for him. His breath went labored as he took in the sight of you for just one moment. His eyes involuntarily filled with tears before he dropped the sheet of paper and lunged for you.
His large muscular arms wrapped around your frame, pulling you into a tight embrace against him. "I'm so sorry.." He whispered in your ear like a mantra. His hands roamed across your back as if he was double checking that this was real.
“Fuck. I’m so sorry.” He whispered again in a pained voice. This was not how he wanted you to see him. He was at his lowest. “I’ve missed you so much. It feels like I’ve been underwater this entire time.”
You gently nuzzled your face into his chest, and you took a deep breath, savoring his scent. A content hum fled your lips. He smelled like home. “I’ve missed you too, Sugu.”
Suguru had grown so much since you last saw him. His body was now muscular and toned. His hair was even longer. It was tied up in a half knot while the rest of it messily splayed down his back. He wasn’t just a boy anymore — a man now.
“I hate to be the one to ruin this reunion, but there’s dead pack elders that we have to deal with.” Satoru spoke up as he crossed his arms over his chest.
Suguru reluctantly pulled back from you, not ready to let go of his missing mate. “I have no intention of staying here.” He said, eyes glancing over to the corpse on the ground. “This pack is a shit show.”
“So, what do we do?” Satoru asked, cocking an eyebrow at his friend. It was never a question in his mind. Satoru was going to go wherever Geto went.
“We start our own pack.” Geto casually threw out the idea with a small shrug. “It’s not impossible. If those incompetent creatures could do it, so can we.”
*** *** ***
You were happy and content to follow Geto and Gojo wherever the two went. It had been so long since you’ve seen the two males. You had almost forgotten how much mischief they could get up to.
Every day was filled with hiking, trying to find a new place to settle down. Every night was spent around a small fire, listening to the stories of the two while you were sent away.
When you and Geto would finally lay together next to the fire, he’d lazily play with your hair and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. He’d tell you how beautiful you were and how there was never a day that went by when he didn’t think of you.
“Have I mentioned how terrible it was without you?” He murmured in your ear while his large hand was gently caressing your hip. He would carefully slip it underneath your shirt. The pad of his thumb caressing your soft skin.
“Only a million times.” You giggled in response, looking up at him to meet his gaze.
“Make it a million and one then. It was terrible.” He quietly laughed, not wanting to wake up Satoru who was snuggled on the ground on the other side of the fire.
“I missed you too.” You replied. Your hand carefully reached up and cupped his cheek. Your head was resting on his bicep while your legs were intertwined. “I tried calling out to you often through the mate bond.”
“I felt it each time.” He admitted as his hand slowly snaked higher up your torso. “I felt each time you went into heat and needed me.”
The fire calmly crackling masked the small whimper that fled from your lips. “I’m sorry. I know that probably drove you crazy.”
“You have no idea.” He muttered as he leaned in and pressed a small kiss to the mark on your neck. It hadn’t faded in the slightest. Your body knew you were his before you presented as well. “I dreamt of going out to find you.”
“Yeah? What would you do had you found me while I was in heat?”
“Mmm..” He hummed in a low tone as he gazed at you with a small smirk on his face. “I would sneak into whatever tent you were in like I use to when we were kids.” He spoke softly as his hand continued to trail up your side slowly.
“I’d find you lying there, already such a mess for me.” He went on, painting the picture vividly for you. Your eyes slipped shut as you imagined it for yourself. “Then, I’d pin you down to your nest, stopping you from taking care of yourself.” He went on, and he rolled on top of you, pinning your arms down with his free hand.
The sickly sweet scent of your arousal building lingered in the air, making Suguru’s heart pound in his chest. You smelled even more yummy than he imagined you to.
“What next?” You ask softly in a breathless voice.
“I’d kiss your lips until they were bruised.” He mumbled, and he leaned down to you before pressing his lips harshly against yours. He groaned softly as soon as he could feel you kissing back. He poured all of his love and hunger into his affections. He needed you like he needed air. You were his sole salvation - his reason for living
He carefully pushed your shirt up over your chest, and he skillfully reached behind you, unclasping your bra within a few seconds. You worked with him, pulling it away from your body before you wrapped your legs around his waist.
His hand came up and carefully cupped your breast. Hs kneaded on the soft pillowy flesh with another groan. He gently bit your swollen lip, asking for entry before proceeding to deepen the kiss. He swallowed up your small moans and gasps.
"Then," he softly pant out after parting from the kiss, "I'd mark up your neck again and again. I never want you to forget who you belong to." His head dipped into your neck, and his lips latched on to the soft skin.
He sucked, nibbled, and bit his way up and down your neck, making good on his promise to mark you up. Your hips raised up to meet his, needily searching for friction to ease the ache between your thighs.
"My poor omega.." He mumbled softly against your skin before allowing his hand to trail down and to grope you at your core.
"Fuck- Sugu.." Your voice was a soft whine, forgetting all about Gojo who was asleep not even 10 feet away.
"Shhh, princess. Don't wake him." Suguru shushed you softly with a impish grin. His hands now worked to take your pants and panties off. "Want me to keep going?"
"Please..." Your face is illuminated by the warm glow of the fire before you two. A soft blush spread across your cheeks.
"Mmm, then you have to be quiet." Suguru teased before he allowed himself the pleasure of gazing at your glistening cunt. "Oh, so pretty." He mused before leaning in to press a soft kiss to your folds.
Suguru's mind was running haywire as he generously lapped at your wet heat. He had imagined this happening so many times while he fucked his own fist. It's all finally worked out. He's finally gotten to taste you, to hear you moan his name.
Your fingers entangled in his hair, holding onto him for support while he devoured you thoroughly.
"Mmn.. Sugu~ S'close... please." You quietly whimpered out, warning him of your impending release while he slurped at your cunt, drinking down your slick as if you were a fountain of youth.
"Can you hold it, baby?" His voice was muffled as he didn't dare part from you.
"N-no, I-" You softly whine, starting to rock your hips back and forth across his tongue. You were desperate for release, nearly riding his face to get there.
Suguru tugged back away from you. "That just won't do, darling." He mumbles as he unbuttons his pants and pulls his pants and boxers down just enough. "I need your first time finishing with me to be on my cock. Think you can do that for me?"
You're quick to nod in agreement with his wish, desperately needing the approval of your alpha. You had already caught a glimpse of his size when you and Satoru first arrived. Even when soft, Suguru still isn't small. Now that he's fully hard, it's almost intimidating.
"Mmm~ such a good girl." He quietly praised as he carefully guided his cock between your slick covered folds. He held your gaze as he rubbed his tip up and down, creating a wet "schlick" noise with each movement. His poor neglected cock leaked sticky pre-cum along your core, making everything so messy.
"Bite on my hand." He instructed as he placed his hand over your mouth. "Don't want you makin' too much noise." With a small huff, you bite down onto his hand.
Humping you a few more times, Geto finally decided to push himself into you. Your body immediately went rigid as you tried to cope with the new pressure between your legs. It felt as if he was trying to split you in two, completely impaling you with his thick cock.
"Ohh~ fuuu... That's it.." Geto's voice was deeper and extremely breathy. His eyes were half-lidded as he continued to watch your facial reactions. The small tears crowding the corners of your eyes made him throb. "You're so fucking tight."
"it's not gonna fit-" You quietly whined behind the palm of his hand. Meanwhile, your fingernails were embedded into his back, decorating him with scratch marks.
"It's gonna fit, baby." He quietly reassured you as he pulled back a bit and sunk back in. Your slick coated his length, making it easier for him to push in more. "Gotta let me stretch you."
"Ngh~ ah.." Your voice cracked as your leaned your head back against the ground. Suguru's hips rolled, just barely fucking into your tight cunt. He'd add another inch with each thrust, allowing you time to gradually get use to him.
The air was filled with shushed panting and breathy whines. The sound of your sopping cunt squeezing around him was like a holy song to him. You were the only slice of heaven Geto would ever see.
He had been so caring; you hadn't even realized he was all the way in until you felt a thump towards your stomach. "Ohmygod-" The gasp fell from your mouth before you could even think to stop it. "Fuuuck... feel you right here.." You meekly murmured as you pointed towards your tummy.
"Yeah baby? Feel me all the way in there?" He humors your intoxicated speech as he's lovingly thrusting into you. "You feel so fucking good." He praised as he peppered your face in sweet kisses.
Your spongy walls cling to his dick with each soft thwack of his balls clapping against the flesh of your ass. You're completely soaked around him, allowing him to glide in and out with ease.
His fat tip was damp with sweltering pre-cum gathering at his slit. With each thrust, his tip was kissing at your womb, making you feel all dumb in the head. He occupied his mouth with kissing and sucking more love bites into your shoulders. "So good, baby... ah~ so fuckin' good." He continued to mumble praises in a pussy drunk tone.
Both of your bodies were glistening in a mix of sweat and slick. The fire raged beside you two keeping you very warm while he pumped in and out. "Can't get enough. Need more.. ngh~ M-missed you so much." He growled lowly in your ear as his tender thrusts grew sloppier - fueled by an intense need.
"Suguu~ fuck me." That little needy whine was all he needed to start forcefully pounding into you. Noise level be damned; he needed his omega on a biblical level that Satoru would never be able to understand.
Plap! Plap! Plap!
Your poor cunt was practically sobbing for him - making a complete mess between your thighs as his cock rudely drilled into you. Your back arched up off of the ground, and you could feel your eyes rolling back. It felt like you were ascending to a higher being.
Suguru caught your lips in a sloppy kiss. Strings of saliva connected your mouths like strings of fate as you muffled each others moans. "Need to knot you - f-fuck, please, let me knot you."
Your legs wrap completely around Suguru's waist. "Knot me, Sugu.. hngh~ I'm s'close.."
Suguru's legs began to shake as he could feel his balls growing heavy. Instincts completely drove him to keep fucking himself into your drooling cunt. His eyes stayed on you as he felt himself growing closer and closer to the edge.
"Sh-shit!" You hissed as your gummy walls suddenly tightened around him. The squelching noises slowed as he felt his knot starting to swell. His hands gripped onto your hips as he had to force his way deep inside your wet heat. The knot locking you two in place before he completely spilled inside you.
"Fuuucking hell..." Suguru breathed out as he stayed planted on top of you. His breath was labored as his hand brushed a few stray hairs from your face. "No one will ever take you away from me again. You're mine."
Bonus Scene!
Upon waking up the next morning on Suguru's bare chest, you sighed contently. Your body ached in the best way. Though, you knew it would only make this trek even harder.
You slowly sat up with a quiet groan. Your face was slightly sticky from sweat and drool. He had really wore you out last night.
"Morning, sleepy head." Suguru mumbled as his eyes rested upon your tired face.
"Mmm.. morning." You quietly hummed as your hands instinctively smoothed out your hair, trying to make yourself look presentable.
"Good morning, Satoru." The white-haired alpha spoke to himself in a grumpy, sarcastic tone as he stared at the two of you.
"It's too early for your attitude, Satoru." Suguru quietly laughed as he looked at his friend.
"You can deal with my attitude given what I had to deal with last night." He huffed as his lips curled into a slight pout.
"You didn't-"
"Oh, I did." He confirmed. "Oooohhh, please knot me, Sugu. Oh so big and strong!" He mocked your voice in a high pitched tone.
"Oh god, please stop." You whine as you covered your ears. A nervous laugh involuntarily bubbled up from your throat.
"Mmm, fuck. Gonna knot this tight cun-"
"That's enough, Satoru." Suguru playfully warned as he shook his head with a calm smile. It didn't bother him one bit that he heard the two of you last night because he knew that Satoru was going to hear you two again tonight as well.
Read the rest of my monstertober here !
#cinnas monstertober#jjk#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen#fanfic#drabble#jjk suggestive#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#jjk suguru#jjk omegaverse#omegaverse#alpha beta omega#alpha geto#geto x reader#getou suguru x reader#jjk geto#geto suguru#jujutsu geto#jjk x reader
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☾ ━━━━━━ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭
☾ ━━━ PAIRING: LEE KNOW X READER ☾ ━━━ CONTENT: READER IS STRESSTED AND BREAKS DOWN CRYING, COCKWARMINGM SUB!READER, SOFT DOM!MINHO, CRYING, NOTHING REALLY SPICY, SUB DROP, MENTION HANDJOB AND FINGERING ☾ ━━━ WC: 0.6K ☾ ━━━ repost from old blog ☾ ━━━ 18+ work!! minors and ageless/blank blogs DNI! you will be blocked, put an indicator on your blog somewhere that you are 18+ before interacting with this work/blog
Minho hated seeing Y/n upset. Y/n hated how perceptive he was to her feelings. Even when she tried to hide her stress. Minho knew though. He always did, even when he was busy with his own life.
He knew all the signs of her stress building and building. He never made her tell him, just did little things to help her out and lessen the stress she had on her.
Minho made sure he got off and home before her tonight. He’d sensed she was about to hit a breaking point all week. He picked up some things from the store on his way home to cook her favorite. Knowing she was probably worrying about it while working.
He started cooking right as he got home, their playlist playing through the apartment. He kept an eye on his phone in case she texted him. Nothing came until the front door unlocked as he was finishing up.
“Min?” Y/n questioned as she slipped her shoes off, hanging up her bag and keys
“Kitchen,” Minho called back.
Y/n joined him in the kitchen as he made a plate for her.
“Hey kitten,” he greeted her and gave her a peck on the lips.
“You made dinner?” Y/n noticed
“Yeah. Got off early so I figured why not and that you probably didn't wanna cook tonight.” he wasn’t telling her he planned his whole day around making dinner for her.
But either way, the gesture had her tearing up. Minho noticed and pulled her in for a hug— the straw that broke the camel’s back. Y/n held onto his shirt as her tears started flowing. Minho did nothing but comfort her, rubbing her back, kissing her head, etc.
“I’ve got you kitten,” Minho helped guide her over to their couch. He sat down and pulled her onto his lap. Just letting her cry it out into his chest for a while.
When the whines turned to hiccups he called out to her. “Look at me kitten.”
Y/n peered up at him. Eyes all puffy from crying. His heart hurt for her. He hated seeing her upset.
“Do you wanna eat?” he offered
“‘M not hungry.” Y/n wiped her eyes
“What do you want kitten?” His hands held her thighs and rubbed circles into the fabric of her bottoms that covered her skin.
“Can I… cuddle with your dick in me?” Y/n hiccuped
“Of course baby.”
Mingo didn't dare make her do any of the work. He pulled her bottoms off and wet his fingers. He worked her open just enough for it not to be uncomfortable when he slid in, while he pulled his cock out of his sweats and pumped himself till he was hard.
Y/n laid her head against his chest. Minho knew she was on the verge of dropping. He saw it in her eyes. Once he was sure they were both ready enough, he slowly sank her onto him. Y/n wrapped her arms around his neck as her walls parted for him.
Minho rested his hands on her ass as he bottomed out in her.
“Thank you,” Y/n mumbled
“Of course kitten. Wanna tell me what’s wrong?”
And so she did. There wasn’t a reason not to. Minho was her safe space after all. his warm hands rubbing her skin as she ranted about everything that had been going wrong. Tears started up in certain parts of her babbling, and Minho made sure to wipe the tears away. Reassuring her everything was gonna be better and that he was with her to handle stress with her
☾ ━━━━━━ M.LIST TIP JAR
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© 2024 MINNIESMUTT. DO NOT COPY, REPUBLISH OR TRANSLATE MY WORK ANYWHERE
#☾━━━━ [𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐀 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒]#stray kids#stray kids x reader#skz x reader#stray kids x reader smut#skz x reader smut#skz smut#stray kids smut#lee know x reader smut#lee know smut#lee know x reader#lee minho x reader#lee minho smut#lee minho x reader smut
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HELLO HELLO I HAVE ANOTHER ONE BUT ITS A 2 IN 1????? ALASTOR AND READER REACTING AND HELPING ONE ANOTHER DURING A PANIC ATTACK??????? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
I GOTTA DO IT I JUST GOTTA-
Alastor X Reader Headcanons
✅️Romantic
❌️Platonic
TW: Panic attacks
Description: ☝️⬆️
SO-
It's really REALLY difficult to get Alastor to honestly open up to you about ANYTHING, even as his S/O
He will keep everything to himself, not out of any maliciousness but because he's not used to letting his guard down
Hides most of his fears behind his smile and quick wit
But you don't land The Radio Demon himself by not knowing him and his inner turmoil by not seeing the signs
You can see the cracks in his persona before even he can, knowing when he's about to break down
You try to talk to him about it beforehand, but he always brushes you off, telling you that he's fine
He tells himself that he's fine that everything is under control
It's always a little thing that sets him off, the last straw that broke the camel's back
Doesn't even realize that he's losing it until there's tiny tear pricks in the corners of his eyes and he's gripping his head so tight that he's hurt his scalp
Just repeats to himself that everything is fine, everything is okay, he's got everything under control
Breaks your heart when you see his painfully tight smile and watery eyes, shaking like a leaf
"Alastor..? Oh honey..."
Flinches when you place a gentle hand on his back, surprised that you snuck up on him
Tries to lie to you, bottle his emotions back up and may even try to seduce/fluster you depending on how frazzled he is
But you see through it, you always see through him
"Hey no...it's okay to be upset..."
Reluctantly leans on you, letting you hug his head to your chest until his hyperventilating stops and he's soothed by your heartbeat
Will put all of his strength into not letting himself cry, digging his claws into you as he grips you tight
His shaking finally stops once he relaxes into your hold, accepting your comfort
Don't make him explain himself, just help him ride it out until he can be himself again
When you two pull away he'll try to go on as if nothing had happened, springing up with renewed energy
Please don't comment on what happened, he's already embarrassed
"Alastor, come talk to me next time...okay..?"
"...I appreciate the offer, my dear."
That's the most you'll get out of him but he does start listening to you when you tell him to take care of himself
If anybody tries to pry into it then he'll just try to scare them off or redirect their attention
It's hard being so evil
You on the otherhand-
Whether you follow your own advice or not, everyone has a panic every once in a while, it's natural
It sneaks up on you and hits you like a tidal wave when it does happen, you hardly register your body crumpling to the floor
You feel so sick-even the air tastes bad
You can't breathe-where is the air???
Your body is white hot and ice cold all at the same time and your thoughts keep racing and-
You're in someone's lap suddenly, curled into their chest as sharp hand soothing the back of your neck
Your mind is so fuzzy from panic that you can't even recognize who it is, only instinctively leaning into their scent
"Y/N, whatever has you so upset, I promise we can face it together..."
Alastor-
He lets you throw your arms around his neck and bury your face into his shoulder, only holding you tighter in response
Pretends that this is just a normal conversation the entire time, talking endlessly about his day and what he did
Somehow it works and you find yourself calming down, becoming invested in his story
Before you know it, you're laughing at something Alastor said Niffty did and you've forgotten that you were ever even having a panic attack
Alastor doesn't let you go even when you move to get off his lap, unwilling to part with you after seeing you so vulnerable
"Let's just take a little time to be with each other, shall we?"
If you want to talk about it then he'll listen while keeping his lips pressed to your temple, giving you reassuring squeezes
If you don't want to talk about it then that's fine, he's not going to force you or even bring it up again
Either way, the moment you two part ways then he's back to his witty, snarky self and he expects you to be yourself too
If anybody asks, he'll just lie and say you two were playing twister
Charlie two years later: They weren't playing twister...
It's a horrible lie but he doesn't care, he dares them to question him and his precious S/O
I HOPE THIS IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!! I wanted it to be soft 😭
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