#what if a remnant of all three titans gets left behind in him

[ploompkin]

So I got this random urge to play little big planet after all these years and I was reminded of how much I like to torment Newton <3

[violetarks]

"dearer than i?"

anime: attack on titan

character: reiner braun

summary: an eldian warrior falls for the forbidden enemy, and he knows he would sacrifice anything for you. or, at least he would if he could.

warnings: g/n! reader, second person pov, heavily based off that tiktok trend going around atm (yknow the one), just a quick fic, wanted to try my hand at angst

you're not the first to find out about his secret. and you're definitely not the last. people from inside the walls that you protect, they find out within the week. you don't know how you could've been so blind, so dumb. falling for someone like reiner... falling for someone at all. you were a soldier, for god's sake. not some lovesick fool.

but you sure did feel like one.

how he made you feel like a lovesick fool, and how much you loved it, loved him. you can't wrap your head around it, even as you cry in your sheets and hide all the presents he had given you — soft blankets, a now dried flower from his visit outside the wall — just so you could keep them. you couldn't throw them out, no, that would be barbaric. you... just need them here, for your sake.

he didn't even look at you when you called his name, pleading for him to come back and surrender. you begged him to stay home, to stay with you, and you were faced with the sheer rejection he unwillingly showed you as he escaped. how could you love someone who has left you behind in the remnants of his lies?

you criticise him for being such a beautiful man, who loves you more than either of you could ever love yourselves. but now you know why. because he could never forgive himself for what he was about to do to you, your family, and your home.

you could never forgive him.

which is why you are so utterly confused when you see a note in your room, on your desk, asking you to meet him at your special spot. he signs it with his name, handwriting rough as always and slightly more rushed.

you almost don't believe it's him. why would he write to you now? a long time after he left you. what right did he have?

you want to crumble it all up and throw it out the window, or burn it and let your bedroom go up in flames as well. you want to sell him out. you could bring levi, eren, mikasa or literally anybody else, they could hide in the shadows and strike when you have him at his most vulnerable.

it would be poetically miserable, an untimely ending. revenge tasted sweet on your tongue.

but you held it. your heart had it in a headlock, and it forced you to keep that note a secret, and it pushed your legs up that mountain, trekking through the heavy greenery. it made you look back at the talk blonde, with such broad shoulders that you had hugged so tightly your heartbeat could mould into his.

he is tired, he is sad when he sees you. he almost wishes you hadn't come. because he can see how tired you've become over the three years he left you here. you stare back at him, but you don't look mad or upset. you simply soak in the sight of him.

he will never forget the blood that seeped through your uniform, how even after he had caused your injury, you still chased after him with your gear when your horse was killed amongst the thrown rubble.

your hair is the same, you must've been maintaining it. you need to keep up appearances; the soldiers that were put under your command look up to you, they need to know how strong you are. and reiner can see that.

but you have a scar across your collarbone. namely, the place where debris of the village had hit you when he and his fellow warriors made their escape. he remembers watching you fall under the crumbled stone and wood. your yell of pain as you threw your head back, and he could see metal protruding from your upper shoulder, cutting quite roughly through the top of your trapezius, deep enough to leave the bumpy scar between your neck and shoulders.

bruises covered your body, and you have a bandage around your hand. you've always been a hard worker. and you'll beat yourself to death if it meant to get over him.

yet here you are...

what happened?

"you came." reiner says, voice low and just above the sound of the wind. it's midnight, just after, and he watches you in your shirt and your thick jacket covering your shoulders. he can't muster up a smile.

and neither can you. the note crunches in your fist. he watches. your voice comes out louder than his, just barely. "you called."

devoid of any true emotion.

he stands just four feet away from you, and if he shuffled he could engulf you in his arms. but he doesn't deserve it.

"why are you here?" you ask, suddenly in control of the conversation.

"i wanted to see you."

"why?"

"did you not want to see me?" when you don't answer, he fills the silence. "i missed you."

"do you, now?" a sense of doubt lingers in your tone. reiner nods carefully. "do you regret leaving?"

"i don't know." he says, rubbing his cheek. he isn't sheepish, he used to rub his cheek when he was nervous or he was flustered by you. you used to find it endearing, now you find it infuriating. you want to cut off his hand. "i don't know."

he repeats himself like a broken record and you step forward, your stance confident as you let the the cold air of the cliff push your hood off of your head. "would you have stayed if... if i did something?" you ask, brows upturned in desperation, "what could i have done to prevent you from leaving? what made you... stay with me in the first place?"

"i didn't want to fall in love with you, y/n, i promise that what we had was never planned. i didn't want it when we began." his words should hurt you even more, add fuel to the fire, but you find yourself momentarily thankful. "i stayed that long because i loved you more than my purpose. i loved you so much that i would disregard what i was meant to be doing. i just wanted to love you and have you. i wanted nothing more."

you won't cry for him. you won't shed one single tear for this dunce. not with how he stared at you when you were enrolled, not with how he kissed you out of nowhere when celebrating your graduation, not with how he made you feel like he would never leave you. no, you won't cry for him now.

he cries. he has tears running down his chin, but his tone keep steady. as if he's been practicing. the sight of you makes his heart lump in his throat.

"but... there was nothing you could've done to keep me here, y/n. i'm sorry." he makes you feel like you're not enough anymore. a plaything, a toy for him to drag around while he holidayed within the walls. reiner makes you feek like a fool. "i had to leave. and i couldn't take you with me. you don't belong with the people of my home. they would hurt you."

"more than you did?" you scowl, balled up fists as you glare at him. your heart pounds in your ears and your face feels like it's heating up. reiner's cool facade breaks, and he begins to wipe his tears away. "how could anyone hurt me more than you have?"

reiner speaks through his palms, "i don't know..."

"you never know." your voice is harsh, it's similar to the irritation that those soldiers spit to him when he is home. but the malice in your tone is different. far, far more hurtful. "why do you never know? you don't know any reason to stay, you don't know why you didn't just leave me alons, you don't know why you promised me the world and left with everything i was."

hands grip the edge of his coat. marley's colours litter his person, but nobody would notice. not with how well he had hidden it. but you'll remember the uniform of that bastard who killed your commander, who was playing a game with the lives of all your comrades. and you will never forget how reiner shares that same uniform.

reiner cries more, he watches you take another step forward and his fingers tangle in his jacket. you leave footsteps and leave a pang in his heart.

"i can't believe i fell in love with you! i—i wish i had never met you, reiner! annie was fucking right, i thought she just hated you, but she was just trying to save me!" you shout, anger lacing your throat as you throw the crumbled note into his chest. you're crying. you cry when you're angry. he knows, and he knows how much you wished you weren't crying. it drips onto the dirt. "i... i can't believe you would do this us... why didn't you choose us, reiner? after everything we all did together, you still chose to leave?"

he's going to give you the same answer, and you know it. you wait for him, though. a habit that just refuses to die with your memories of him. reiner holds the end button of his jacket, and he looks back at you with those puppy dog, sad eyes that he would give you when he accidentally made you upset. but you don't fold over this time.

you're in arms length.

reiner misses you the most at night. after a couple years of saying 'goodnight' to each other, holding one another as an excuse to keep warm, kisses of comfort, it's hard to go back to your life before. reiner finds it just as difficult. he waits, and waits, and waits for you to come into his bedroom and kiss him, sneak under his sheets and sleep in with him until an hour before you were to wake. but you never come.

"why didn't you just stay? we would've... you could have stayed." you say, scrambling for that piece of you stil loved him. it wasn't hard to find. you still looked at him the way you used to when you were upset with him, looking for some sort of reasoning. that was hard to find. "why did you do it?"

"i don't know." his voice is even more desperate than before.

when your fist collides with his jaw, sending his head up and his body falling back, reiner swears he's seeing stars. maybe that's because he was, having now been faced to the night sky. but there's no doubt that your punch had knocked his smarts back into play.

you're on top of him in an instant, tears rushing down your face and landing on his chest. you sit atop his hips, yanking on his collar to pull him up at you send another punch.

"i hate you! i can't—!" you begin to angrily call, reeling back to hit him again. you watch his face bloody. but it's not enough. it won't ever amount to the blood that was spilled those days he attacked your home. you will bruise your fists, bleed yourself for your revenge. "we will never forgive you, reiner. i will never forgive you!"

reiner's instincts kick in at your sixth hit, and his hand that was resting on your hip, keeping you in place, now comes up to catch your wrist, stopping your punches.

but you bring your other hand, backhanding him. "you ruined my life! you promised me you'd..." you mutter out, choking on your sobs, "why couldn't you just listen to me? i said you could come home! you didn't have to abandon me!"

your knuckle burns after the second impact, and you go back for a second shot when reiner lifts himself to sit up, making you shift back to sit in between the circle of his legs. your heels under the bump of his hips, you grasp the hand covering your wrist, trying to yank him away.

"y/n—"

"you left me."

"i didn't want to, y/n, i love you." he claims, and you watch as smoke covers the injuries you put upon him moments ago. it heals him.

"then why did you leave?" you gulp, swallowing the tears that were yet to come, "why didn't you choose me?"

he takes in a deep breath. his scruffy facial hair drew wet from his tears. his eyes are dark but brows are upturned as he stares at you. "i would've chosen you."

"but you didn't." you say, tight fists in his hands, "you still chose the home that threw you away..."

he can't explain why he did it. because he doesn't quite know. maybe it's because of how he was brought up, how he was sent so young to take down the enemy. but that isn't good enough.

"you can still come home with me." your voice sounds like as sweet honey, and he sees your gently link your fingers through his. your eyes are still red, but you look at him. that part of you that loves him is pulling through. "you don't have to leave again."

he holds your hand tighter. they've become rougher, callouses cover your palms. he sighs out, "if i go back to marley, then we can't be together." his warm hands catch yours, desiring your touch. he longs for your hold. your heart sinks. "but if i never return, i turn on my family and my country. they're... they mean the most to me..."

"the family who sent you off to war at such a young age to simply dispose of the ridicule they face? the country who forced you to infiltrate my home while you were barely a teenager?" you scowl, standing up and peeling your hands out if his. he drops his hands onto my lap, watching you take a step away from him. "they mean more to you, than i do?"

he takes a deep breath, and lets it out. silence follows, drawing on more and more. he won't answer you.

"you said you'd choose me if you could. you can, right now." you say, staring down st him, "but you aren't, reiner... you... you still won't choose me."

"i'm sorry."

"that's not good enough." you respond, wiping your face, "i'm sorry, but if you don't come back with me, then i'm sending my unit after you."

"stay a little longer. please." he pleads, standing up again.

"i can't." you respond, walking back towards the forest, "listen to me, reiner. come home and i'll make sure we sort everything out." eren wants to kill him. levi wants revenge. mikasa is willing to do anything to protect her family. you could try, though. you glare back at him. "but you'll give me no choice if you go back. i'll make sure to be the one to end you if you continue being our enemy."

reiner drops his shoulders. all the tension fills the air between your gazes. his heart swells at your words, and your hard gaze turning gentle.

"i'm sorry, reiner." you murmur, turning your head and looking at the grass beneath you. the moonlight sets your path home ablaze.

he smiles softly at you. "it's okay. i wouldn't want it to be anybody but you." he tells you, "i still love you."

your eyes train on the floor as your shove your hands in your pocket. a heavy breath leaves you, "i promise i'll spend the last moments of your life with you."

when you leave, reiner feels better. he shouldn't, you rejected him and refused to stay any longer at his side. you said you would send people after him, you'd kill him. but he feels better.

he wonders how long it'll last this time.

[alrightberries]

three weeks

❈ pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader

❈ genre: angst. ❈ word count: 1.9k

❈ summary: “It’s been three weeks, and Levi still lies to himself when he says he’s okay.”

❈ trigger warnings: profanity. mentions of violence, death and gore. explicit description of panic/anxiety attack.

a/n: i’m not sure what... this is since i just randomly started typing it but hopefully y’all still like it.

He could still feel you.

Feel your presence in his room; in his hollow heart. With every shallow breath he took he swore he could still feel your warm palm on his skin, gently patting his shaking shoulders.

The clothes you'd left behind were still in his closet. The little notes you'd scribbled to him on random days still compiled. The letters you wrote sit heavy in a wooden box inside his bedside drawer.

He once complained that they created clutter in his room when you started slowly moving your things into his private quarters. It started off with clothes left on his unmade bed and eventually ended with you bringing your hygiene products to his personal bathroom. Slowly but surely, you moved in. Slowly but surely, you cemented a place in his life where you'd already cemented a place in his heart.

But now glancing at your shared bed, half empty, he simply couldn't find it in himself to do anything about your ‘clutter.’ It was, after all, all he had left of you.

The pillows on your side of the bed still smelled like you. The cotton where you slept countless nights before had a slight depression, an imprint of your body on the mattress. Faintly, if Levi closes his eyes, he swears he could still feel your fingertips running through his scalp as you peppered sweet little kisses onto his calloused skin.

His own fingers reach out and grasps at air where your beautiful face should be, sleeping peacefully next to him. Snoring. Twitching your eyes when you had nightmares. Him gently shaking you awake and holding you close to reassure you that everything was okay, whatever you dreamt of wasn't real, and he'll be here to make the darkness go away.

Yet his own darkness starts to eat at his conscience. He curses at his hands for even having the audacity to reach for you when it was these same hands that signed your death certificate earlier in the day.

Three weeks.

That’s how long it's been since he woke up next to you. Since he bid you good luck before breaking into formation as you crossed the walls and rode your horses through titan country.

It’s been three weeks since you were separated from your squadron. Since they came back from the expedition and he'd only noticed you weren't there when they finally reached the walls. Since he searched through countless corpses and severed bodies, trying to find your own.

It’s been three weeks since he's pushed off on signing the "M.I.A. - PRESUMED DEAD" document with your name and information printed at the top before he was forced to come to terms with your fate when the second search party once again came back empty handed.

It’s been three weeks since he last cracked a smile. Since he lost the last reason he had to strive forward. Since he lost the last reason to hope for a better place; a better future; a small home in the suburbs to live out the rest of his life with you.

It’s been three weeks since he last heard your voice. Since he rested his cheek against the palm of your hand. Since he first picked up a bottle of bourbon and let the alcohol numb his distressed mind and aching heart to the reality that you were gone.

Three weeks. It’s been three weeks, and Levi still lies to himself when he says he’s okay.

A breeze passes through the open window, snapping him from his thoughts. Goosebumps form on his skin but he couldn’t bring himself to get underneath the sheets or close the window because he tells himself that the breeze was you. It was you, checking up on him, scolding him for drowning his sorrows in bottles of brewed brown, wiping away the tears he didn’t even know he’d shed as the pain of loss and mourning— the very things he’d been trying to outrun— hit him all at once.

He closes his eyes to stop more tears from falling. But he knew he was really doing it because he found darkness more comforting than having to look at your shared room. Not when you weren’t there to make the darkness go away when he opened his eyes. Not when every little thing reminded him of you.

The chair in the corner where you always sat, reading under the dim glow of candlelight. The shelves full of books, an impressive collection you’d both amassed throughout the years. Even the porcelain cup that sat on his bedisde table reminded him of you. It was a gift you’d given him when you were both still in the Underground. A cup matching his own sat on your bedside table, that much he already knew without having to open his eyes. He brewed you a cup of tea hours before going on the expedition that would seal your fate.

His skin tingles when he remembers the way you held his hand as you both sipped tea on that day. You were sat next to each other on the bed. He was reading the newspaper and you were reading a book, intertwined hands resting in the space between your bodies.

A new wave of tears threaten his eyes and he hears himself sob before he realizes the tears have fallen again. His hands clutch at his hair, pulling at the strands, and he lays on his side to curl up into a ball as he wills himself to stop, be quiet, and stop being so weak.

His heart began to speed up and his ears began to ring. He couldn’t focus. It was so noisy— everything was too much. The was talking. So much talking.

shut up. be quiet. leave me the fuck alone.

Levi realizes that the talking was his own conscience degrading him, and he wonders if he’s finally snapped. He heaves and gasps for air, trying to get his mind to shut up, but it only serves for the noise to get worse and suddenly the ringing in his ears turns into static. His heart begins to thump louder, and he’s accutely aware that he was having a panic attack.

Pathetic mewls leave his lips and his hands reach out to your side of the bed out of habit, just as he’s done plenty of times before. Only this time he doesn’t feel your fingers gently grasp at his shaking wrists to pull him to your chest, to hold him and whisper sweet nothings into his ears to calm him down. Instead, he grasps at white fabric, and he lets out a frustrated growl when he once again feels air where you should be.

Unfair. It was unfair.

It was unfair how you were taken away from him so easily. How he hadn’t even noticed until it was too late. How he didn’t have a body to mourn, knowing you were either rotting away in a forest or disfigured in some titan’s belly.

Levi cracks open his eyes and his gaze lands on splotches of wetness on his pillow, the marks of his sorrowful tears. He sniffles, telling himself there was no need to be so pathetic when soldiers died everyday. He repeats it to himself like a mantra.

But then, he thinks, you weren’t just any other soldier. You were y/n— his y/n. The owner of his heart. The love of his life. The one who kisses his forehead good morning and good night. Who held his hands underneath the table before giving him a knowing glance, like you were sharing a secret that only you two knew of. Who would slip little notes into his pockets when you thought he wasn’t looking. Who sat with him in silence and calmed him down when emotions got the better of him. Who held him close and tight on nights like this, when the crushing reality of pain and loss finally broke him. And the sickening irony of needing you the most because he was mourning your death almost made him want to laugh.

He doesn’t know how long he stayed there. Unmoving. Curled up into a ball on your side of the bed, nose digging into the sheets to find comfort in the remnants of your scent as he hugged himself to slowly calm himself down.

Suddenly, he hears the door to his office burst open and rapid footsteps approaching his room. The wood slams against the wall, and his reddened eyes meet the wide and panicked ones of a soldier he’s seen in passing. She’s breathing heavily like she ran a mile to get there, sweat dripping down her forehead as she frantically looks around in search of the captain before finally landing on the man in question.

“Captain Levi, we—“ She’s cut off when he heaves a loud sigh, slowly sitting up and rubbing his red puffy face.

“Has there been a breach?” He asks. His voice is hoarse, she notices. The tone is calm but his eyes are angered, clearly not amused to be interrupted when he was mourning, and the soldier visibly gulps as she replies.

“N-no, Captain.”

“Are there titans anywhere in the walls?”

“No, but sir we—“

“Has anyone died in the few hours that have passed since dinner? Choked on their own spit, perhaps?”

“Well, no. But—“

“Then why the hell are you here?”

“Captain I was—“

A thought crosses his mind and he clicks his tongue in irritation. “Tch, did shitty glasses send you?”

“...yes but—“

“Tell four-eyes to stop sending people to check up on me.” He murmurs, beginning to lie down. “I’m allowed some goddamn privacy the night before my fiance’s funeral.”

“Yes but, sir, that’s actually why I’m here.”

“Whatever motivational words you have to say, save it for someone who cares.” He pulls the sheets above his head. “I’ve had enough pity-filled glances and half assed condolences thrown my way to give a damn—“

“Captain Levi, Y/N is alive!”

The soldier doesn’t know what’s happening until her back is abruptly slammed into the wall behind her and pain shoots from her spine to the back of her head. Hands are tightly wrapped around her throat in an ironclad grip, and her feet are dangling from the ground. She gulps.

The captain’s face is mere centimeters away from hers. If she thought he looked angry before, then the scowl he gave her now made it look like he was smiling just moments ago.

“What kind of sick joke do you think you’re playing, huh?” He sneers. “You think it’s funny to make fun of someone’s death?”

She tries to reply but only choked sounds escape her lips as her fingernails claw at her captor’s hands. Tears blur her vision as the Captain tightens his grip, but the way his eyes almost glowed a bright red— the clear intent to murder if she so much as breathed out of line— didn’t go unnoticed to her.

“Do you get some fucked up kick out of this?” He asks again. “You get a kick making fun of a man who’s lost everything?”

He loosens his grip the slightest, and the soldier is momentarily releived when she realizes she could finally speak.

“N-no, sir, I—“

“Levi, let her go!” Another frantic voice pleads with him from behind. “She’s telling the truth.”

Wait, what?

“What?” He chokes out. His grip loosens on the soldier and she slides to the ground in relief, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Hange cautiously walks closer, almost scared that any sudden movements would put Levi in a state of shock. They slowly, warily place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“It’s true, Levi. Y/N is alive.” The Section Commander murmurs. “Your Y/N is alive. They’re looking for you.”

alrightberries © 2020. do not modify or repost.

If you want to be added to the tag list, click this link!

[elysianslove]

this might seem weird but uh could i get an annie leonhart x reader— where like should i put a spoiler on this? uh aot spoilers ig but like she won’t hurt reader kind of thing like she refuses and actually like protects her when in titan form, i dunno maybe that’s weird but just an idea

first aot request omg im so excited!!!! this contains season 1 spoilers only!!! thank you for requesting, and i hope you enjoy, my love <333

warnings; descriptions of blood and death. angst. so much angst. 

━ as the second red smoke signal fires into the air from your right, your heart sinks into your stomach. the feeling that’s settled deep in your bones isn’t unusual, considering the threat and danger the expedition poses in itself, but it’s incredibly unwelcome. you feel unsteady, a large contrast to the horse whose reigns you grip tight, white-knuckled. you inhale — the dirt gathering from the horses’ hooves, the scent of wet grass, and distant, faint smell of blood rest on the bridge of your noise — and you grasp the breath tightly within your lungs, counting down the seconds from ten, grounding yourself, and then you exhale. if you die on this battlefield today, then you can only hope your corpse is another setting stone towards the truth. 

your thoughts are interrupted when a thud silences your heartbeat for a split second too long, and then it repeats. it’s building up slow, and you recognize it — how could you not? — as easily as you would identify the sound of your fellow comrades’ footsteps. the thuds steadily increase in volume and speed, and it’s closer, too close, it’s right behind you, you’re going to die —

the sun disappears for a moment, shaded by the large figure of the titan that barricades through your formation, separating the five of you apart momentarily as you avoid being crushed beneath its feet, and forcing the tilt of your head back, then to the side, eyeing its figure. it’s large, larger than any titan you’d faced, let alone killed, obviously faster and much stronger, just by the quick observation of its physique, and it’s distinctly female. 

more importantly, however, it’s completely ignoring you. 

huh. an abnormal? 

the other members of your squad seem to have skimmed over that important detail, and instead of avoiding it, they convince themselves it’s their solitary duty to eliminate it. before you could react in any way, a hoarse cry of a warning — wait! it’s not... — completely ignored, three of them leap from their horses, odm gear attaching to the titan’s limbs, blades sharply prepared. 

it’s almost as if the titan is prepared for it. 

she grabs at the wires, tangling two of them together, before two of your companions land in her large fists, and she crushes them with ease. blood sprays across her body, staining her hands, and you watch with horrified eyes as whatever pieces are left of them falls to the ground. the other two soldiers, fueled by anger and frustration, charge at her with the same ferocity, any technique or plan abandoned, minds clouded with the remnants of their fellow comrades decaying frames. 

and just as easily, they fall victim to her. 

during the commotion, you’d landed off your horse, onto the soft grass beneath you. the horse neighs, despite your desperate attempts to calm it down and steady, and flees, leaving you deserted, with nothing but the corpses of your fellow soldiers and the one to blame for their demise. you’re not sure why you’re not filled to the brim with as much anger as them, why your blades aren’t in your fists, and you’re not charging at her as blindly and as cruelly as you can muster. maybe you’re in shock, maybe you’re drowning in guilt — if you’d been faster at warning them, four deaths would’ve been easily avoided, they would still be here, with you, but you’re all alone. alone, in unknown land. unknown, and very dangerous land. 

your thumps loudly in your chest, mirroring your erratic breathing. the sun is too bright, worsening the gradual warm up of your body. you feel bothered, suffocated and overwhelmed. it’s not supposed to be this way. how did it all happen so quick? what good of a soldier were you if you weren’t able to react quickly, quickly enough to save your people? 

the sun is hidden again. you feel cooler, the shade eliminating one threat towards your body. when something heavy rests on your head, you’re reminded awfully of the actual, real threat. your head lolls back, body trembling pathetically and eyes wide and watery. she’s kneeling by you, your head resting between her thumb and index finger, and you think to yourself that this is really how it ends, your head crushed between a massive titan’s fingers, gone as quickly as the blink of an eye. 

and then you look into her eyes, and your heart sinks for the millionth time that day. 

the days that pass by after are a blur, a shocking blur. your brain and body aren’t responding accurately to each other, their reactions off. the information that you’re fed is overwhelming, but you don’t process it properly enough for the effect to linger long enough. 

all you remember hearing is annie, annie, annie.

you want to scream. 

somehow, amidst it all, a plan is formulated, and on a sunny morning, much like the one a few days past, you find yourself within wall sina, specifically, the stohess district. you’re not entirely sure why you walk by the most essential people of the plan, ranging from eren to mikasa to armin, but it had been some theory armin had thought up, and having trained with him, you’ve learned better than to trust his judgement. and with the four of you, is annie. 

annie, what have you done?

annie, is this real?

annie, lie to me. please.

you’re staring up at her from the lowest steps of a staircase leading to a tunnel, and her eyes — her eyes look so familiar like this, bright and blue and shining and beautiful and familiar. 

annie, with her beautiful blue eyes. 

you distinctly hear yourself plead for her to follow you down — annie please, please come with me — and you barely recognize the falter in her movements as she registers your voice, as she meets your eyes. 

annie, with her strong hands, picking you up always. 

the world shifts. it explodes around you, and it falls apart. slowly, you feel yourself pick apart at the seams, drifting away from yourself as you watch her emerge from the suffocating cloud of smoke. you feel a tug at your arm, but you can’t, you can’t. you’re rooted in your place, watching as she swings her arms and knocks away the attackers as if they were mere nuisances. 

annie, with her stupid desire to always be alone. 

— i want to be with you, i want to love you, annie, let me love you, annie, please, let my love you —

you’re lifted, too gently. it feels the same way you’d imagined flying through the clouds would be, with your body a little too light, your head a little fuzzy, with the blue enveloping you a warm blanket. except the blue is not the sky, it’s her, her, her. 

she holds you in her palm, and you stand, your hand outstretching towards her. you have seconds; you can hear the time ticking by you, almost in a mocking manner, and when your hand rests upon her cheek, she blinks slowly, and her eyes read i’m sorry. 

annie, with her beautiful blue eyes. 

annie, with her heart too big. 

annie, who you loved till you couldn’t breathe no longer. 

this time, your heart doesn’t sink. it simply breaks. 

end note; so fitting that i start off writing for aot with an angst one shot 

[pyroclaststan]

CW: body horror, gore, graphic depictions of injuries, Nanosurge event

The two of you had been running and you made it so far—you were going to get away, you were going to make it, but then Syrah started screaming.

She hit the ground flailing, howling, peeling apart. It was like her skin was disappearing from her limbs, and she kept yelling, pieces of her mouth starting to disappear, too.

There are no words you could ever use to describe the noise of someone gargling on blood and bile and those things as they ate through her lungs and chest and throat.

To describe the sight of your lifelong best friend sloughing apart and disappearing before your very eyes as she tries to scream and call out, only to be unmade.

In her final throws she reached out for you.

It hurt.

Now it feels like burning, and stinging, and itching all at once.

You cannot look away as the horror settles into you, freezing you in place. You watch as your left leg peeled, layer by layer, and eaten like the many before you—like the many around you.

It hurts, but you cannot scream, you cannot sob: you saw how they got into your best friend’s mouth that way. It ended quicker for her than the others but you do not want an end at all.

You kick the remnants of your leg in futility, as if to shake them off with sheer willpower as they eat their way closer. It’s all you can do. The swarm on you is multiplying; you see them like a hive of ants, now beginning to eat away at your fingers.

No one will be coming for you.

There is a chorus of screams a few yards away.

“NO!” a bloodcurdling howl of a voice echoes out.

It is the wretched, horrible scream of someone desperate out there, and your head whips around for the source despite your situation. Someone is close enough that they might see you—you might live.

Further across the field three—no, a body, just two—of the Rangers are gathered. One of them is actually not a Ranger at all but that vigilante you’ve seen, Sidestep, who is standing over the writhing form of Marshal Charge, hands out.

In the fields around you, you see the swarms of those creatures coalesce and gather, all stopping mid air before moving towards Sidestep, floating up and over their head like a rippling ball of shimmering black water. A river Styx of souless little creatures.

Looking down you realise that your leg is no longer being flayed by the microscopic monsters, flesh and bone gone like it was never there; your hands shake as you desperately peel off your shirt to tie around the stump, hoping through your panic it stems the bleeding as your adrenaline fades. You’ve never done anything like this before—your hands are shaking awfully. Blood loss and possible shock making you run cold.

In the few minutes more that follow the pause of those things, as you clutch what’s left of you, you hear more screams and the sounds of heavy footsteps: everyone left is being evacuated and before you know it Charge himself is beside you, scooping you into his arms before sprinting along with the crowds of survivors as if he weren’t screaming earlier. You were just close enough that he saw you; you clench his shoulders with your tremoring hands, unable to stop the tears that pour down your sweating skin. You’ve never known death this closely. You don’t know if your fear or relief is greater.

Surrounding the two of you are the desperate, the pleading, the injured, but you cannot tear your eyes away from their target to see all of them. Your hearing is muffled by a ringing of tinnitus, even as Charge hands you over to another person before running back to save others struggling out there. As all the heroes get to work while they have this new advantage.

You can’t stop watching Sidestep.

They stand there, alone, hands held to the sky as if to hold a barrier around the writhing mass of murderers. You think of the class last week: the Titan Atlas holding up the heavens. You see the way their arms and legs shake, muscles sure to be straining, their heavy breaths under their super-suit. There is no dramatic lighting or music to highlight their effort, this dire situation is all too real. They’re too close to those swarms but they don’t budge an inch, a hand coming to their head as they let out a bellow of pain.

The man holding you is trying to flee with you, but you can’t stop twisting in his arms—you need to see this: you need to witness what Sidestep is doing, what Sidestep has done. Someone needs to remember that they are alone amongst those… demons.

Others are watching too, crying, and after some time when Sidestep’s knee buckles and their hands fall to brace themself the entire crowd flinches as one. The swarm wavers looking like they might escape and spread again, but Sidestep’s hand quickly rises back up and they fall back into their synchronised swim. The terror is palpable, the air is thick, the smells of the dead nauseating in the breeze, but you all cannot stop watching. Even the reporters are keeping a silent vigil, unable to believe any of this.

A hero is saving you.

Time passes and you’ve all huddled together, taking care of each other, locating family, slipping out silent prayers. A nurse who was among the survivors has helped you with your leg so far: medical should be arriving soon, you won’t be saving that leg. You might have lost too much blood, or you will. She’s just waiting for the shock to set it now, holding your hand so you’re not alone through it.

But you don’t care because out there so many have lost more than you. Others are still fighting so you all don’t lose more, even now. And one is stemming the tide.

Charge is behind Sidestep as they keep on despite being brought to their knees and struggling, posted like a sentry but gripping his own arm, and you can almost make out the look of abject horror on his face as he watches the swarm hovering before them; small flickers of static arcs when the hive moves or breaks synchronisation.

Medical has arrived and you are being carted off to a rescue vehicle while containment is still on the way, but you still don’t look away—you can’t look away. It has been hours and they are shaking and they are struggling but they are holding. You burn that sight into the back of your head before the ambulance doors close. Your hero.

Your dream always ends there: you were gone before they’d collapsed. Before it was over.

———

Today is the anniversary of that awful day; the persistent nightmare that haunts even your days through all the scars. It’s hard to go outside most days, hard to watch the news and catch a glimpse of that silver woman that scares you so much. It’s hard to do much of anything that isn’t sitting locked in your workspace, building, tinkering, or fixing. But this day is an exception to all those great fears.

You stop by the florist with the modded hand: she remembers the day as well as you, sometimes the two of you talk about it while you work on her hand. She’s bundling up Syrah’s yearly bouquet, handpicking each flower by some meanings you’ve never gotten around to learning about them, stopping only to help a haggard looking man she also seems to know well with a bundle of white chrysanthemums. You can smell the alcohol on him from here, but that’s none of your business: today is a hard day for more people than you and Maritsa.

She tells you to give her love to your old friend; she never goes herself, no matter how much time passes. She lost too much to that nightmare—a wife, two kids, some family.

Your eyes linger on one of the few white chrysanthemums that man left behind, scratching the scar tissue buildup on your finger’s skin weave, something telling you to pick one of those up, too. Her garden hardy mums cost a lot but you know anything she grows in her greenhouse is well worth the price.

Heading out with your newspaper bouquet in hand, you fall into step with the Los Diablos crowds, easily able to pick out who in the crowd is headed the same way as you. You can see it in their heavy steps and weighted shoulders and you wonder if you show it, too.

The memorial isn’t a plot of headstones—too many were lost for that—but instead a large stone and steel wall, covered from one end to another with names and birthdays of victims. Flowers, candles, teddy bears, liquor, and photos rest on the ground here every year, and every year the crowd and offerings grow smaller. Everyone eager to forget.

You take your place in front of Syrah’s name, fingers sliding quietly against the stone that’s too cold for having sat in Diablos’ heat as long as it has. To your right you see Desiderio placing his usual marigolds—also from Maritsa’s—against the stone, then falling into prayers as he always does. The flowers in your hands begin to feel too heavy so you set them down, quietly sit in prayer with Desi, and hold each other once the tears that always come arrive.

It’s a small, distant family you’ve made out of this place and the only other people who could understand your loss; no matter how much time passes between gatherings you all know you have each other. But you cannot stay all day, lost in the memories: you have one more important stop to make.

At the gates of your destination a man in a grey hoodie and a larger man in a blue one passes you, and once again you are hit by a wave of booze. Looking after them, you notice the back of the smaller, hunched over one: it’s that man again, being escorted by someone you hope is his friend. A few moments more and you draw in a deep breathe, gathering resolve before heading in.

So here you are at yet another memorial. Not the memorial to that scarred, barren earth you pointedly avoid looking at but the memorial to the hero you’d lost, gone after another even that shook the city to its core before they ended it. The hero this entire city lost. The dark headstone that’s all that’s left of Sidestep.

The black and teal hoodie you’ve worn in over the years always feel likes the only thing appropriate to wear as you sit here, sitting before the looming stone in your usual spot, staring at the bundle of white flowers and the half-full beer can beside it. Chrysanthemums bundled up with Maritsa’s trademark twine. A smaller bunch of white lilies next to it, from somewhere else. That man’s modded friend maybe; you know the signs like you know the smell of the dead. All too well.

You scratch the phantom itch crawling along the former calf and thigh of your modded leg, unable to chase away the ghost of a life past. Unable to turn back the clock. Unable to say thank you.

You set your flowers down next to that man’s, hoping that he found peace in his visit here like you do. Hoping that someone’s there to help him through that event and its scars, too. You really hope that was a friend.

The picture of your masked hero is peeling from all the rain and heat, the flowers and offerings dwindling as folks try to forget those terrible events, but you remain. Year after year.

Living is the only thanks you can give them.

[lune-hime]

Garden of Tulips (Levi/Reader) Chapter 7

~Click me for more chapters~

“What did it look like?”

“Hmm?” Levi looked up from his place next to your sleeping form. “The titan that tried to snack on my darling granddaughter.” “Ugly as fuck.” “Aren’t they all?”

Levi recounts memories of the reader and their shared life together while she recovers from a serious injury.

!!WARNINGS!! - Violence, gore, smut, wholesome content ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tulipa esperanto ~ A tulip whose flaming petals sprout from a lush green base, signaling growth and the washing away of lingering burdens.

↞↠↞↠↞↠

“Thank you both for waiting! I’m just about done.” Felicia chimed from the stove as Levi entered the house. The pleasant smell of fried bread and pork mingled with the freshness of the tulips to create a scent he could only describe as being homey.

“We had no choice but to be occupied.” Oma grumbled from the dining room, one of the spaces Levi had yet to explore. He wandered into the kitchen after removing his shoes and observed Felicia’s bustling and extremely organized methodology. The pan bopped to the rhythm of her wrist while the kettle whistled in melodic time.

“It’s a shame we didn’t have time for tea. We’ll do it after we eat, then.” Oma called, leaning on the doorway that connected the kitchen to the dining room. Levi nodded and clasped his hands behind his back as he awkwardly lingered on the sidelines of the culinary bustle. His languid gaze drifted to the many framed photos that hung on the only wall not covered with ornate gold trinkets or the weaving vines of plants. His eyebrows furrowed as he observed a common theme.

So many of these photos of you were with that hard headed, horse-faced pain in the ass. From what you had told Levi, you had no memory of life without Jean. That he, Oma, and Felicia had been the only constant presences in your life since you were a child. Why did he feel a pang of jealousy? That was a petty emotion.

Oma had placed delicate plaques at the bottom of each frame that accompanied the memory. Levi wouldn’t have pegged her as someone so sentimental.

First Day of Kindergarten

“We’re going to be late, mommy!!” You wailed as your legs jittered like an excited shore bird. Jean stood beside you and rolled his eyes as your anticipation made your connected arms wiggle like a cooked noodle.

“Yes, yes I know. If I could just get this thing-okay, all set, smile big cuties!” Your mother’s gentle voice sang as she clicked the shutter. Jean immediately got over his minor annoyance and the two of you beamed at the camera.

“Lumine, the school bell’s ringing.” Oma chided lightly at her daughter in law.

Levi adored how your wide grin looked too big to be contained by your tiny cheeks.

Noel

“Jean are you even eating in the corps? You look like a twig when you need to be looking like a sturdy branch.” Oma chided as she shuttled more spaetzle onto Jean’s plate. Jean breathed a nervous laugh at her blunt comment.

“Well their food isn’t as good as yours is, Oma.” Jean replied as he gratefully took the plate. You shuffled past the two of them in the busy kitchen to pour yourself a glass of spiced wine.

“Get on my level, noodle-boy.” You teased, bringing your free arm up and flexing your defined muscles as the other held the ladle of wine. Jean threw an arm around your shoulder and squeezed, demonstrating that his noodle arms held more power than they let on.

Felicia had clicked the shutter just as laughter bloomed on your faces and your glass looked dangerously close to spilling over in festive happiness.

Apple Picking

“Freyr, move a little over to the left.” Oma instructed her son. Freyr took a step sideways and bounced, causing you to fly upwards in glee from your resting place on his shoulders. You grasped the sides of his chin as you both grinned at the camera. Crows flew from the canopy of the lush apple orchard behind you.

Levi drank in the features of your father as if he was studying a work of art. He was very tall, strongly built, and had a charisma about him that Levi wagered is why he was so popular in the capital. He resembled more of a lumberjack than a government official. His jawline was hard, like it was curvetted by a steel knife. But his eyes held a softness just like your own.

When Levi’s eyes drifted to the last photo in the row, the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He gulped as he let the contents of the picturesque scene sink in. The four individuals looked lively and ecstatic as they proudly showed off their record breaking salmon catch. Your father, Freyr, stood on the far right holding the fish’s head with a confident smirk. You, having to be around 12, stood next to him inwards. Your weak grip was feigning your support of the giant creature’s weight. To the far left your uncle Rall stood perched with the tail held to his chest as he wore a more modest smile than his brother-in-law. Levi felt his arteries clench around his throbbing heart when he gazed upon the girl only a few years older than you at your side. The sweetness of her expression poured icy flames onto Levi’s conscience.

Petra and Y/N’s Catch

Levi felt as if he were the fish in your hands; milky eyed and cold scaled. He was momentarily sent spiraling into his guilt.

“Jean has grown quite handsome now hasn’t he...” Felicia chirped. Levi blinked at the proximity of her bubbly comment as it punched him from his daze. She appeared at his side with their shoulders centimeters from touching.

“You’ve always liked younger men, haven't you?” Oma snickered as she rummaged through the cupboard.

“Hey! I’m not that old Frau Vogel.” Felicia justified with a playful pout. She turned on her heels to grab the dishes from Oma’s hold but was gently slapped away by the determined old woman.

“Yes but you’ve known the boy since he was fresh out of diapers.” Oma quipped back. “Now if you’re done viewing the art gallery of my life, we have dinner to eat.”

The dining room seemed to glow amber. The walls were dressed with a deep cherry wood, carved with grand scenes of folklore that Levi wasn’t familiar with. The table and chairs were no less intricately carved and were birthed of that same rich wood. The table was fit for a family of high standing, its length providing the space to entertain many guests.

Felicia had set the table so that the three of you were sitting close together, leaving a vast empty space for ghosts to join. Levi wondered what kinds of people used to sit there. He let his mind be tempted with that notion as he gradually checked out of the conversation.

If she used to sit there.

After their meal, Levi was left with that satisfactory warmth he felt the day before. He gave his shoulder a good stretch when Oma returned from clearing the dishes.

“How about sitting down with an old woman for tea now?” She said with a small smile.

“Sure.” Levi responded softly. Oma hummed and faded back into the kitchen.

“Felicia went to go check on Y/N and insisted on doing housework.” Oma explained as she gathered the tea time materials.

“So we have a bit of peace-and-quiet time.” She added as she placed two cups of beautiful ivory china on the tea tray next to the tin of Queen Mary leaves.

Oma led the way to the living room which, to his fading surprise, was just as intricately decorated as the rest of the house. Arched windows that stretched from the floor to the ceiling displayed the forest to the back of the estate while a grand fireplace framed with pale brick lay in front of the opposite wall. Artwork, photos, and momentos painted all the walls to give it a cozy atmosphere that Levi was still getting used to. Oma placed the tea tray on the coffee table and sat down on one of the long, plush settees. She patted the cushion and Levi joined her, taking a seat on the other end of the couch.

An arid silence passed by them as Oma delicately poured the tea into each cup. He was hyper aware now of his past choice during that expedition. Whether it was a mistake or not. He was painfully cognizant of his absence. Sure Levi was curt, at times off putting, and cautiously intense with people. But his immense guilt for what happened to his squad was an underlying and consistent fuel for his awkwardness around your grandmother. It remained attached to him like a fifth limb, a presence that was always lurking even at the smallest intensities. Your love helped, eventually filling the gaping hole that had been carved there. But a hole is still a hole, forever a crevasse that would be a permanent addition to his soul.

He was deeply afraid to bring it up. Afraid of digging into old wounds, afraid of facing more of her family, afraid that your grandmother would deem him unfit to protect you. To call it an elephant in the room was a severe understatement. The unspoken truth was more the size of a beached whale. He had stopped seeing their ghosts in his own shadow. But even now seeing the familial resemblance of her in Oma he suddenly couldn’t bear to meet her eyes.

“I don’t blame you, Levi.” She said as softly as the clank of the teapot returning to the tray. Levi’s insides seized but he maintained his composure. She leaned back into the cushions with a sigh. When she craned her head to meet his eyes, his gaze remained fixed on the lone tea cup on the tray.

“For Petra.” Her name fell off Oma’s lips with a delicateness that made Levi’s throat itch with impending shame. “I saw you looking at her photo.”

The itch expanded to an inflation that embedded his incoming breath into the folds of his esophagus.

↞♞♘↠

Your body shivered in the remnants of your hysterical cries. You wished the sadness could have been swept up in the powerful current of your tears but it clung to you like a jagged rock resting just under the rippling water’s surface. Her absence felt like a vital organ had been forcibly taken from your body and the thief hadn’t bothered to stitch you up properly.

“Levi-” You breathed, voice heavy with the aftermath of your latest breakdown. It felt like a tiring journey from the empty bedroom to his office.

Earlier you had held each other, wept with one another, and began grieving together. But as the hours grew on Levi had drawn more reclusive. He had evicted himself from the bed in your fatigue and had resigned to his office chair. The form that occupied the space you almost didn't recognize. He sat deeply reclined in the chair and allowed the material to swallow him. His head dangled limply off his right shoulder, clouded eyes looking at nothing and everything at once. The only sign of vitality in this lifeless shell was the small puffs of air that left his nose.

It was fresh. Painfully fresh. Like a band aid that had ripped off multiple layers of skin. But you needed him right now and you knew he needed you too. The sudden loss of Petra was boring into you. You couldn’t imagine that loss times three that he was experiencing.

“Please we need to talk.” You whimpered as you slowly padded towards his crumpled stature. His swollen eyes and bloodshot whites betrayed his marbled features. He was hesitant to reach for you, to hold you, to touch you. He was sure a part of you must have despised him. Through his own pulsations of pain he could see your own distress. He desperately wanted to be there for you, to wipe away all that ailed you. But how could he do that when he couldn’t even wipe the pain from himself? Especially when he had a hand in inflicting such devastation onto you.

He could never forgive himself for that. For what he did to any of you.

Yet when you unfurled his limbs, climbed into his lap, and encircled yourself into his embrace he exhaled and held you right back.

“Don’t hide from me.” You said with an insatiable quiver. You felt Levi’s arms loosen and begin to pull away as you rested your head in the crook of his neck.

“Please...don’t.” You pleaded, desperate for his comfort. You quickly grabbed his wrists and placed them back along your spine. Levi breathed in frustration but didn’t move to withdraw himself again.

“There’s nothing I can do to bring them back.” He stated with a hopeless gravel.

“I know.” You replied weakly. Levi’s shoulder tingled with fresh tears. He squeezed his eyes shut in self disdain when he began to feel your shaking.

“You must deteste me.” He hummed dryly as the obsessive images of his fallen squad drew more tears from him once more. Each time he thought he was done crying their lifeless bodies bombarded him with more waterworks.

“Levi-” You cried as a sob raked your body.

“How could you even stand to be around me after what I did?” Levi bitterly pushed out as he tasted the salty flow of droplets.

“Shut up!” You coughed, sitting straight up in his lap to look him in the eyes. Your emotions were short circuiting and your patience was running thin for his blame but you hadn’t intended for your reply to come out so aggressive.

Your hands pushed down on his chest as your eyes fluttered shut. You took a moment to take in a deep, albeit ragged, breath. When your eyes opened Levi was fixated on the floor. You grasped his head between your hands and rectified his deflated body.

Your movement forced him to look at you, the two of you exchanging expressions beaten-down by sadness and frustration.

Thinking of the words you were about to formulate spurred more pressure behind your eyes before you articulated them. What was left of Levi's composure fractured as he began to drown in your sorrowful orbs.

You brushed his cheek to keep the both of you from floating away like paper lanterns. You could have lost each other out there today as well as your many comrades and the smoothness of his skin against your thumb kept you in this reality.

This was not the time for conversation, you had already had that. Already had assured him that their passing wasn’t his fault. That, sure if he was there maybe things would have been different but that his actions didn’t dictate their deaths. Telling him again would only be beating a dead horse and cause you both more anguish. The two of you were too weak for that right now.

“You trust me.” You uttered those words as a statement without a hint of question.

Levi nodded instantly. The motion was anamatronic-esque as he struggled to stay afloat.

“I’m here.” You stated softly, taking his hand and placing it directly over your overworked heart. A wave of calm washed over him as he watched his palm move with the deep rhythm of your breathing.

“You’re here.” You continued with a sniffle. You placed your hand on his chest, sighing in comfort as he breathed life into your palm.

“And if we focus on the what if’s we’re going to be hopeless forever.” You spoke the words with vulnerability that betrayed their prowess.

That shattered him.

You watched as his face scrunched with all the emotion he had hid this morning. His brow sloped into his quivering lip and he let out a helpless yelp. He was always trying to not feel. But he could only feign numbness until it embedded itself into everything he did. The void he was carrying now overflowed with singeing emotion that he needed to feel.

For them.

For you.

For himself.

Seeing him so broken caused you to crack too. But for Levi, the gruesome scenes that were replaying on a brutal loop were dulled by the warmth of your hand on his chest, the welcome pressure of your thighs against his, and perhaps the most by your beautiful eyes that despite being ravaged by tears were like a shining beacon in the turbulent storm.

He removed your hand from his chest and took them into his own. He raised your hands to his lips and pressed salted kisses to them.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He croaked and intertwined his fingers with yours with such a force that his knuckles grew white. He begged for your forgiveness, bathed in your light to douse his sinful acts. For you must have been a saint to not have casted him out by now.

He kept apologizing because there was nothing else he could do. He lamented that he wasn’t quick enough. That their last moments were spent in agony and terror. That their deaths not only affected him but you as well.

Your limbs were entangled and foreheads were buried in shoulders for an uncountable amount of time. The two of you slowly dragged one another out of the suffocating mud of the expedition and into the present moment. When tears had dried and embraces grown less feverous, you spoke up.  

“Erwin is allowing me to go home for a few days.” You announced with a sad smile.

Levi hummed weakly as he ghosted his fingers along your scalp.

“Do you want to come with me?” Your invite hung on the air as Levi contemplated. He felt bad denying you but there was no way he would be able to face your family right now. That may have been selfish of him, but he just couldn’t.

He bit the inside of his cheek as you craned your neck to regard him. You understood his silence and nuzzled into his shoulder.

“Okay.” You kissed at the spot where his neck met his collarbone.

↞♞♘↠

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Was all that Levi could manage to say. He didn’t know how to make any apology enough for her grandchild’s absence. He felt disgust rise like bile in this throat all over again.

Oma nodded at his condolences and hid her lingering sadness behind seasoned professionalism.

“Thank you. I’m sorry to you too. You lost her just like the rest of us.” She responded with a mature kindness that made Levi want to poke his eyes out with self-loathing. If the loss hurt him beyond belief, he would never be able to know the extent of Oma’s pain, your pain, and Petra’s parents’ pain.

“I can see that you blame yourself.” Oma inferred with a caring tone. Levi’s hardened gaze remained on the table.

“I know what it’s like to lead a squadron. I know the helpless feeling of someone slipping through your fingers too quickly to catch them.” Oma consoled with a genuine seriousness that made Levi’s eyes flick up to hers. She sighed and placed her tea cup down.

Levi didn’t move as she scooched closer to place a hand over his. His fingers twitched at the calloused pads of her withered hand encircled his.

“It was one year into my promotion to a unit captain. I remember that day so vividly; the bitter smell of the canon smoke mixing with Hannes’ ripe gin, the way the wind gently rocked the trees just over wall Maria, the remnants of my throbbing hangover from the previous night’s excursions."

“I had ordered my unit to scale along the wall and raise the new cannons that had been provided the day prior while I joined Pixis at the guard post. We were having our daily banter when a thunderous quaking assaulted our ears and gave us whiplash with how fast we turned towards the wall. A hoard of titans, many of them abnormals, were rushing towards Wall Maria.”

“We had never experienced an attack so fierce, so alarmingly abrupt. My legs couldn’t carry me quickly enough to my unit before the fuckers started hurling themselves at the wall. The clash of skulls against the structure was deafening. Some of my soldiers decided to ascend, to fight them atop the wall and blast their brains out with the cannons. Others decided to take their chances at slashing their necks. However, the ladder couldn’t compete with the assault and soon their screams morphed into stains on stone.”

“After the attack, I too bashed my skull with guilt and regret. If only I had just waited to assign them to that job. What if instead, I told them to take care of the already positioned cannons. But would it have really made any difference? I’ve come to realize I couldn’t have ever anticipated a horror like that.” Oma’s eyes glazed over in sour memory.

“My point is, you can’t dwell on the what-ifs because that’s not how life went or ever will. You have to live with what life gives-and takes-from you.” Oma continued, holding Levi’s stare with one elderly compassion.

“You led them and inspired them to take action. Their sacrifices were just that; sacrifices they were willing to take for something they believed in.”

As she spoke, acute darts dripped in his squad’s long dried blood threatened to pierce the shield he had built up to their intrusions. But her kind words warded them off almost immediately and Levi felt more relieved than he could ever express to hear her sympathy.

“I’m sure you know it never truly goes away. But forgiving yourself for something that was out of your control dulls the sharpness of that blade.” She smiled flatly with soft eyes.

Listening to her story and feeling her presence sparked an understanding in Levi so deep that it felt foreign to him. It wasn’t the surface level sympathy usually set unto him by his comrades. Nor the solace and empathy you provided him. With Oma it was raw, unaltered. She had seemed to mine his soul and recover a luminous diamond out of the charcoal.

She brewed this sensation within him that peeled away the murky veil of his role of a steely captain. Underneath resided a more youthful soldier who still had much to conquer and learn. He realized he wasn’t actually as aged as he was required to act.

The hectic scenarios that had wracked his mind since he arrived at her doorstep were blown away with the gentle breath of her rapport. He squeezed her hand, instantly feeling her squeeze back.

“Thank you. That...means a lot.” He said as the ice on his brow melted. Oma grinned at his instant brightness, clearly pleased that she had managed to crack through his shell.

“What is it?” She asked with a wispy chuckle as she observed Levi’s minute crescent smile.

“Y/N gave me similar advice after it happened.” He confessed, feeling lighter than he had in years.

“Well, good. Means I raised her well.” Oma smirked fondly. She let go of his hand to uptake her tea cup once again.

“I would never let anything happen to Y/N.” Levi professed as he finally grabbed his tea as well. His grip tightened on his cup as if holding it sturdily cemented his promise. Oma’s grin widened at his dedication as they locked eyes once more.

“We are all responsible for ourselves, and all we can do for others is try our best to protect them. You have done just that, son.” She said after a hearty swig of her drink.

“You’ve been so good to both my girls, whether you see it or not. That’s all I could ever dream of in a superior officer, a friend, and a partner.”

Her heartwarming comment did exactly that to Levi. Except instead of blanketing him with a gentle heat it burned his chest all at once. The fire was so powerful that Levi couldn’t subdue the genuine smile that infiltrated his features. It widened his cheeks and parted his chapped lips in a beautiful display of appreciation.

Oma’s eyes widened and she coughed as her sip of tea almost slid down the wrong pipe.

“It’s a shame Y/N only gets to see those smiles.” Her wheeze was followed by a cackle. Her teasing made him roll his eyes but his smile didn’t diminish.

“Don’t tell her or she’ll think I’ve gone soft.” He chuckled himself as rich as the umber liquid in his cup. Oma winked as she took another sip.

“You know, I would have liked to have met you at Petra’s funeral but there wasn’t one. Her mother insisted on keeping things private.” Oma explained with a long exhale. Levi did recall you talking to him about that. Petra’s parents lived quite a distance away from you and Oma and became more private as the two of you grew up.

Levi nodded and pursed his lips. He definitely wouldn’t have been in the right mental space for that. Oma noted his silence and as if afraid he was going to creep back into his iron guard, sighed in contentment.

“I was so proud that she joined your squad.” She was basked in a lovely nostalgic glow as she mused.

“She looked delicate and slight but Petra had a fire in her like I’ve never seen in anyone else.”

“She did.” Levi agreed. His eyes fell to the fireplace as he traced his finger along the ivory rim of his cup. “She was one of the most skilled soldiers I’ve known.”

Oma hummed in agreement.

“Petra spoke so highly of you, you were truly her role model. She was ecstatic when you and Y/N got together. Couldn’t think of a better person for her little cousin.” Oma praised with the enthusiasm of a proud relative.

Levi let out an awkward huff and shook his head lightly as he brought his cup to his lips.

“You know she’s the reason Y/N wanted to join the corps?”

↞♞♘↠

The sun hung low in the sky when Levi’s squad found themselves lazily lounging at one of the picnic tables that framed the sparring area.  

“The cadets are going to arrive next week.” Gunther commented idly.

“Yes! My younger cousin is going to be joining the 104th class.” Petra beamed, clearly proud of her relative.

“Another cadet with your same beautiful genes? I can’t wait.” Oluo winked and Petra pursed her lips in unamusement.

“Keep it in your pants, Oluo. Or are you hitting on girls you haven’t even met yet?” Eld chided with a smirk.

“How do you feel about her joining, Petra?” Eld asked more seriously.  

“While I’m a bit bittersweet about it, I couldn’t think of another person more capable to be a new recruit.” Petra smiled sadly yet her eyes held excitement at being reunited with her kin.

“Hm, seems like the military runs in your family.” Levi commented, rolling his head against his shoulders to offer a loud crack.

“Yeah, Oma hated it when I joined so I bet she despised it when Y/N decided to fly the nest too.” Petra giggled with the lightness of a sparrow taking flight. A boisterous boom followed by an aggressive order caused the party to direct their attention to the arena.

“And so the hellscape is raised once again.” Gunther nodded to where Shadis was noisily instructing soldiers on where to place the cadet training equipment.

“The stick that’s within his ass imbeds itself deeper each year.” Eld yawned and stretched.

“I’ll be there to fight for her if he takes it too far.” Petra boasted in determination. Her declaration was fiery but her delicate features softened the promise. The special operations squad knew all too well, though, not to underestimate the strength that resided under that cute exterior.

“Hazing is part of the cadet experience.” Gunther shrugged.

“Need to get the nerves burning hot somehow.” Eld added.

“Oh come on, you guys are horrible!” Petra huffed.  

“I’ll make sure she’s well taken care of-” Oluo passionately interjected.

“That’s not necessary.” Petra cut him off with a jab to the ribs.

“You’ll back me up, right Levi?” She looked to their captain expectantly while Oluo's groans grew in pitch.

Levi shrugged in indifference. However the way Petra’s eyes glinted with eagerness made him more inclined to agree.

“If she’s not a brat.”

Petra threw him a pout as the crew’s light-hearted jokes floated up to meet the chromatic tendrils of the evening sky.

[yodawgiherd]

You Were Never Truly Gone ch.3

>>>Read on AO3<<<

The support I'm getting is blowing me away, thank you again, everyone <3 Let's get high on that copium together.

They stared at him.

He stared at them.

Mikasa stared at nothing in particular, her happy smile and blush speaking for themselves.

Returning from its quick trip to the see, the bird landed on that tree and turned its head, intently watching the red fabric wound around the woman’s neck. There had to be a way to peck at it again.

In the end, Jean lost it.

“Of course, this makes perfect sense.”, he blurted, “Three years, three fucking years you are dead and the first thing we see Eren doing is this – cramming his tongue down Mikasa’s throat. I mean…”

A cuff from behind silenced him, Pieck whispering.

“Not the time for this, Kirstein.”

Armin’s will snapped next. Unable and unwilling to talk, he crossed the distance in three long steps practically crashing his weight into Eren’s chest. The former enemy of humanity staggered backward but managed to stay up straight until a second person joined in on the pile. Jean’s weight was too much to bear, quickly followed by Connie’s, and Eren fell, for the second time that day, landing on his back with yet another pained grunt.

His fingers slipped out of Mikasa’s grip as he toppled, and she took a step back to watch them roll around on the grass, her smile widening. Mechanically, mind completely wiped, Pieck lit up a cigarette, then second, then third until she realized what she was doing, frowning at her treacherous hands. A single, fat bead of sweat ran down Reiner’s brow when the realization was dawning at him, his eyes staring at what his brain refused to believe.

The devil of Paradis drew breath, Eren Yeager was alive. Alive and currently being squished by three of his closest friends. This was a nightmare. With an expression of pure terror, Reiner turned to Pieck.

“What the hell do we do?”

And Pieck, the smart Pieck, Pieck who was always exactly right as Zeke used to say, shrugged helplessly. Two more, and now there were five burning cigarettes crammed between her lips, a faint attempt at having the nicotine rush calm her hammering heart, puffing like a chimney. It did not work.

“I can’t believe this.”, a voice from the pile of bodies, most likely belonging to Connie, “You’re back!”

An incoherent mumble that was most likely Eren, muffled by everyone on top of him. It was ignored.

“I thought I’d ever say this,”, Jean added, “but I’m happy to see you, blockhead.”

Not even a peep from Armin and Annie was having a funny feeling, watching the man she agreed to marry hug another man with an expression of pure bliss. On and on it went and Eren would probably perish if Mikasa didn’t rescue him, as she did so often. Gently yet firmly she pulled Connie off with one hand, Jean with the other, and Eren was finally able to breathe again.

Sitting up, he eyed the two members of the party who were watching him with mixed emotions.

“Reiner, Pieck.”

All of the cigarettes fell on the grass, Pieck stomping them out on a reflex. The blonde head next to her was shaking in continued denial.

“This can’t be happening.”, Reiner disagreed with the reality, “Not like this…”

Sensing the change in atmosphere Armin let go and Eren was free to regain his footing. Dusting himself off, the usurper stood up.

“I’m afraid that it is. I’m here.”

“How?”

A sidelong glance to Mikasa from Eren.

“It’s a long story….”

“Well, it’s not like we are leaving without hearing it.”, Annie said, “The sooner you start the sooner you finish.”

Once again intertwining his fingers with Mikasa’s, Eren linked them together, the bond giving him both strength and confidence. And here, under the tree and next to his own grave, he told them everything. His death and what followed, the never-ending search among founder’s memories to locate his, the terrible pains Eren went through to put the pieces of his person back together. Thousand times he died and thousand times he pushed through it, filled with nothing but will to move forward. The determination that he drew from Mikasa, from how much he wanted to be with her. The fear that he might be left forever in the collapsed paths, and the incredible joy he felt once his eyes opened on the trampled field – the site of the last battle.

“You are saying that you didn’t regenerate?”, Reiner’s eyes flew to the grave, inspecting the undisturbed surface.

“No, I was given a new body, that’s it.”, Eren tapped his chest, “I lost all my powers, just as you guys, I’m a regular human being now.”

“That does not matter.”, Pieck interjected, “You are alive, it changes everything.”

“And that is a huge problem.”, Reiner’s voice was weak, weak and tired.

Everything they worked for, everything they tried so hard to achieve was at risk now. The fragile peace would shatter into millions of pieces the second Eren came back, and the war would consume the remnants of the civilization. Tired, so tired from fighting, scared, terrified that the nightmare was not over, Reiner let the heavy words fall from his lips.

“Eren Yeager must stay dead. He can’t be allowed to live.”

What happened next was a blur. In a fraction of a second, Mikasa moved forward, stepping in front of Eren and shielding him with her body. Ice, pure ice appeared in her eyes as she rammed those freezing spikes into Reiner, her voice being the most threatening thing the group ever heard in their lives.

“Try it.”

Trauma is an interesting thing. Reiner had it under control lately, his panic attacks and helplessness weakening with the years following the war’s end. But now, they came back in full force when he was confronted by the image of protective Mikasa Ackerman in all her glory, defending the man who gave him nightmares. No ODM, no blades, not even a uniform, she was dressed in a pink skirt and white shirt, yet she was the most terrifying thing that Reiner ever saw in his life – not to forget, the man has been through the rumbling. His first impression of her, during their training years and later, was a flying demon that put his titan to shame. Later he discovered the other part of Mikasa, the beautiful and tortured young woman that was so incredibly caring and sad, coming to terms with the loss of the love of her life. Now the demon was back, even more terrifying than before, because she just regained the most important person in her life and that joy was threatened.

“Try and take him from me.”, she hissed, and Reiner no longer had the armored titan to protect him.

With a sound of pure terror he fell, raising a hand as if to keep her away from him. Pieck tensed, Jean and Connie were frozen in place, Annie regarded everyone with an unreadable face. If there ever was a situation that needed defusing it was this one, Armin knew, so he slipped between the vengeful Mikasa and cowering Reiner, raising his hands.

“Easy, I’m sure that he didn’t mean it like that. Did you, Reiner?”

Yes, he was scared shitless, but he couldn’t give up. They had to see, they had to comprehend the risk.

“I do, think about it Armin! Think about what would happen if Yeager came back! It would completely destroy everything  we worked for!”

A flash of understanding deep in those ocean eyes and Reiner knew that he got his point across.

“I don’t care what you think, if you lay a finger on Eren…”, Mikasa’s whole body was tense, like a steel spring ready to jump, a feeling that she didn’t experience since the war.

The three years of relative peace melted away like nothing because that incredible happiness she just found, the joy that warmed her whole existence was challenged, and Mikasa would do anything to protect it. Luckily before anything could happen, Armin spoke up.

“Let’s take this somewhere else, sitting around Eren’s grave while he’s right here is creepy.”, he forced an awkward laugh, “Mikasa, you take Eren and head back to your cabin. I and the others will make a quick stop in the city, pick up some food and drinks and join you there. Hell, we must celebrate!”

It was obvious that the tension had to be broken, so no one protested. With a last dangerous look at Reiner, Mikasa walked away, hand clutching Eren’s. And Armin held, he held until they were far enough until he broke.

The grass was soft beneath him as he fell down to his knees, hands clutching his head.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.”, the word was a mantra, repeated over and over as the reality truly sunk in, “This is so fucked.”

It was he who needed saving now, and Annie stepped up. Walking over to him, she pulled Armin back to his feet and then into a hug.

“It will be okay, it will be okay.”, she repeated into his shoulder, offering all the support that she could.

Behind them, Pieck helped Reiner stand while Jean and Connie exchanged a look, feeling ignored. When Annie pulled Armin back from the brink and Reiner put himself back together, the group headed back towards the civilization but this time the mood was entirely different. Armin was walking deep in thought, clutching Annie’s hand like a lifeline. Reiner’s expression was haunted, the old fears kept at bay creeping back in. Pieck patted her pockets only to find out that she was out of cigarettes, her usually cheerful smile turned upside down. Jean and Connie were the rear guards, their heads still trying to wrap around the situation. Silence, that ruled the group until they reached the edge of the city, the concrete making Armin turn.

“Guess I don’t have to tell you this, but not a word about Eren to anyone.”

There was a collective agreeing murmur.

“And about the situation…”, Armin sighed, “Reiner, you are right, him coming back is a huge issue. The second the information gets out the Yeagerists will immediately jump him, put him on the pedestal and use him to launch a crusade against the rest of the world. Mikasa is stronger than all of us, but she’s just one woman, she can’t protect him on her own. Obviously, we can’t let them have him, that cannot happen.”

He raised a finger.

“But. We are most definitely not killing Eren again, understood?”

“Yeah,”, Jean agreed, “Once was more than enough. He might be a suicidal blockhead but he’s still my f-friend.”

Yes, the last word was a stammer because Jean just called a man who killed eighty percent of the population his friend, still it was the truth, a bitter one.

“Would be easier if the Ackerman girl wasn’t so obsessed with him.”, Pieck muttered, but to everyone’s surprise was cut off by Annie.

“Obsessed? She’s not obsessed, she loves him.”, her hold on Armin’s hand tightened, “Love is beautiful.”

That shut Pieck up for now, yet her eyes were still calculating. Squeezing Annie’s hand back, Armin smiled at his fiancé before continuing.

“I will figure something out. For now, focus on the fact that our friend is alive, and we must celebrate that.”

Speech finished, Armin turned and headed towards the city, soon flanked by everyone else. After a short discussion on what do they even want to buy, Connie brought up wine, because drinking was now very high on the list of things he wanted to do. Jean was in favor of something stronger, and Pieck needed a new pack of cigarettes, so in the end the group split up, agreeing to meet in the square in half an hour.

The road ahead was treacherous, swimming in front of Connie’s eyes as he walked. Everything he knew, everything that he took for granted in those last three years was just turned upside down. A part of him was happy that Eren was back, a part of him was worried about what that might mean, and a small part of him was even angry. If Eren came back, why couldn’t Sasha? Why couldn’t Hange or Erwin? They didn’t deserve to die either…

But he couldn’t be mad at Eren. He did everything in his power to help them, to protect his friends against the cruel world, and allow Paradis to survive in the future. He even returned Connie’s mother to him, a fact that he was eternally grateful for. Still, the combination of all those feelings brought his legs back into an automatic mode, and he was entering Niccolo’s restaurant without even thinking about it.

Well, this could work, his friend always stocked some good wine.

Pushing the door open, Connie entered, seeing that there was quite a crowd inside. Not much of a surprise, as Niccolo’s place was popular. And still, the owner noticed him immediately.

“Connie!”, he shouted, pushing past his guests to hug him, “Man am I glad to see you.”

Normally, there would be a sort of ritual. They would sit down and drink, talk about what was happening, about Connie’s mission for a peaceful world and Niccolo’s restaurant he had with the Braus family. And as the bottles emptied they would end up talking about Sasha, remembering their dear comrade and crying on each other’s shoulder. But today was not such a day.

“Nicco, I’m so sorry but can I trouble you for a few bottles of wine? I need it for…”

“Mikasa.”, he understood immediately, “Today is the anniversary of his passing.”

“Is that why this place is so full?”

“Of course, Yeagerists love to celebrate.”

“Didn’t Eren get defeated today? Why are they celebrating that?”

“Eh, it's more like a promise to get revenge, a ritual in the honor of their war god to appease him.”, Niccolo rolled his eyes, “Pile of rubbish if you ask me, but their money is as good as anyone’s.”

He clapped Connie on the shoulder.

“Wait here, I’ll bring out something extra for you.”

Leaning on the counter, Connie let his eyes scan over the guests, noticing the number of uniforms. There were even some familiar faces, Hitch and Rico among others, and Connie was glad that Jean did not come here. Hitch had taken a liking to Jean lately, and it was difficult to separate her from him once she was attached.

The click of glass against wood woke him, noticing the vintage-looking bottles.

“One of my best.”, Niccolo said proudly, “Give them to Mikasa with my regards. I’ll probably drop by her cabin soon, a surprise visit with some of my homecooked food will cheer her up.”

The heart went cold in Connie’s chest, imagining what would happen if Niccolo came into Mikasa’s house and saw Eren standing there, very much alive and kicking.

“I-I don’t think that’s a good idea.”, he stammered, “I’d probably send a letter first or something, she didn’t look like she wants visitors.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks for the info, last thing I want is to make her uncomfortable.”, Niccolo’s face fell, “The poor girl suffered enough.”

Collecting the wine and thanking the cook again, Connie reunited with the others and together they walked, all the way to Mikasa’s secluded cabin. It wasn’t a short road but they were all former soldiers, easily crossing the distance even with Jean’s light complaining.

There was food on the outside table, ready to host them, but the woman who owned the place was busy. Busy with being seated in Eren’s lap on the bench, their faces pressed together. Not that Armin blamed her, they had a lot of catching up to do.

“Two minutes.”, Pieck remarked out loud, disturbing their moment, “Two minutes with no god damn kissing, is that too much to ask?”

Red-cheeked, Mikasa jumped down from Eren’s lap, yet her giddy expression quickly changed once her eyes found Reiner. Before she could terrorize him again, he held up his hands in surrender.

“Mikasa, I promise that I won’t try anything stupid, all right?”

She huffed in satisfaction and nodded, their short feud put to rest. The bottle of wine Reiner held towards her felt like a peace offering and Mikasa accepted it, pulling the cork out with her fingers alone, not having any issues. Damn.

Alcohol is truly humanity’s friend. With both the wine and the stronger stuff Jean picked up, the awkwardness and tension melted away, and Mikasa didn’t feel this relaxed ever since their drinking adventure in the refugee camp. Understandable, one could say, since the next time period was filled with literal apocalypse they had to stop. Not everyone made it, she knew, raising a glass in Sasha’s name, a toast that everyone joined. Another one was made for Hange.

And yet It was different in a better way. Eren was here, they were together, and Mikasa was free to do all the little couple things she always wanted - sitting on his lap or playing with his hair, stealing small kisses that made Pieck groan when she saw them. Mikasa was so happy that it felt like a dream. In the end, the emotional stress combined with her tiredness and Mikasa parked herself at the bench, watching her friends with a smile. It was no longer melancholic, it was no longer the feelings of a woman who was missing a huge part of herself because that part was returned, it came home. Now, it was a smile made of pure joy.

The group fell apart into smaller units, courtesy of the night slowly creeping in, and Eren joined Armin and Annie where they sat, staring into the fire.

“I believe that congratulations are in order.”, the ring on Annie’s finger glistened in the light, easily explaining what Eren meant.

“Thanks…”, Annie took a swig, her eyes not leaving Eren’s face, “I still can’t believe that you are alive.”

“Trust me, there are days when I do not believe it either.”

“Do you think that you deserve it?”, now it was Armin speaking, his voice slurred from the alcohol yet clear, “Back in the paths, you told me that you could never live with yourself, you didn’t want me to even try and bring you back. What changed?”

“You couldn’t have done anything, my body was dead and my mind was ruined by the founding titan. I had no understanding of time anymore, past, present and future blended into a mix.”, his fingers clutched the bottle tighter, “It is so terrifying for time to lose its meaning.”

Not wanting to crush the glass, Eren carefully eased his hold before continuing.

“I meant every word that I told you back then. I didn’t want to die, but it felt like the only way, I was damaged beyond repair. Only when the paths started collapsing, and all the memories began to die, I realized one thing.”, his eyes moved over to where Mikasa was sitting, “I could not let myself forget her. Ever.”

A chuckle from Annie.

“Gosh, you have it bad.”

Eren didn’t even bother with denying it, turning back to Armin instead.

“To answer your question, I still don’t think that I deserve to live. I have done things that can never be forgiven, I have destroyed this world.”

“Then why.”, Armin whispered, “Why do you live?”

“Because I was given another chance. Undeserved, but I got it, and I will not let it go to waste. War and death are the farthest things on my mind right now because I have a new goal in life.”, a tip of his bottle towards Mikasa, “I lived my first life for myself, and I will live the second one for her. There is only one thing I want, and that is making that girl the happiest that I can, every single day.”

“I’m not so sure that the world will let you do that. You may have died but your ideas went on, Eren, and not in a good way.”

“The Yeagerists?”

“Strong and growing stronger. Imagine how aggressive they would get the moment they knew that you are alive. Imagine the death and destruction your living will cause.”

“I do not want that, any of it.”

Armin gave him a tight smile.

“Sadly, that is the problem with gods. Their message can be twisted by the prophets.”

The heavy ocean gaze dropping back towards the fire, Eren understood the message and stood up, leaving the pair alone. They were right, of course, his life was bound to cause ripples, considering how important his death was. Yet there was no way in hell that he was ever leaving Mikasa alone again. As long as she would want him, he would be right there by her side. Forever.

Eren let his eyes graze over Reiner and the smoking Pieck but decided not to join them. The blond’s expression was still haunted and the girl’s guarded. They were never his friends, only enemies, they were brought together with the scouts by sheer necessity and Eren had to remember that. His return would cause a lot of trouble, and for Pieck and Reiner it was most definitely not worth it. So instead of poking the wasps' nest, Eren went over to the table where Connie was snoring with Jean at his side. The latter was watching the liquor in the bottle, frowning at the reflections, but he did look up when Eren sat down.

“Eren.”

“Jean.”

“Aah, it’s good to have you back.”

“Is it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… My return must have caused quite a disturbance in your…”, Eren nodded his head towards Mikasa, “plans.”

“Do you really think so low of me?”

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I was dead, and you liked Mikasa for a long time.”

“Sure, but you aren’t dead anymore.”

“Good point,”, Eren raised his bottle, “I’ll drink to that.”

A clear clink produced by the glass invaded Connie’s dreams and he mumbled something, drooling on the table. Putting his bottle back down, Jean tapped it against the wood.

“You know, I don’t feel that way anymore.”

“Is that so…”

“Or maybe I do, but it's different.”, Jean sighed, “Look, you didn’t see her, Mikasa was an incredible wreck after you died. My own heart was bleeding just from seeing her, and even after she moved on she always broke when near your grave.”

A pang of guilt in Eren’s chest, growing stronger when Jean kept talking.

“She loves you, you dumb blockhead, she loves you so much that I can’t put it into words correctly and yet you kept being an asshole to her for so long. Fuck, I want to punch you.”

“Then go ahead, I promise I won’t fight back. I deserve it.”

And Jean almost did it, but then he remembered how Mikasa reacted when Reiner only implied hurting Eren, and his hand fell back to his side. Call him a pussy, but Jean didn’t feel like dying today.

“Maybe another time.”

The bottle caught the light as Eren twirled it in his fingers, obviously putting together another sentence.

“Listen, Jean, if I didn’t come back, if I stayed dead, would you make a move on her?”

And he thought about it, long and hard, put his drunk brain to work, and came up with a plausible theory.

“I guess I would, once she would heal. Mikasa is an amazing and well, incredibly beautiful woman, and I do like her. But that is meaningless now. If there is one thing I like more than Mikasa it’s seeing her happy, and your return made her the happiest that she ever was. This thing between me and you? That was never a competition. Her eyes were only for you, bastard, a blind man would see that. ”

“Well, I guess that you could call me blind.”, Eren chuckled.

“Blind and stupid, you are lucky that Mikasa has enough brains for both of you.”, Jean gestured with his bottle, “Go, go back to her, I feel like passing out now.”

And pass out he did, head hitting the table and bottle falling on the grass. Leaving his friends to rest, Eren crossed the distance to the bench, sitting down next to the woman with a red scarf and offering her his lap, an invitation that she took and climbed into.

Together they watched the stars but didn’t sleep, lost in each other’s presence while their friends snored all around them. Armin and Annie huddled together by the embers, Jean and Connie by the table, Reiner curled on the ground and Pieck that somehow managed to fall asleep in a sitting position, a burned cigarette butt between her fingers.  The night was warm enough, there was no need to disturb their rest.

Hours passed yet Eren still didn’t feel tired, stargazing with the girl in his arms that meant more to him than all those lights in the sky combined. When the sun began to peek over the horizon, Eren broke the silence.

“Hey, Mikasa.”

She half turned in his arms, letting Eren see a part of her smile.

“Hm?”

“What am I to you?”

“Oh no,”, she giggled, shaking her head, “not this again.”

“Come on,”, nose sliding over her shoulder, Eren nudged her, “Tell me.”

It took a bit more persuasion from his side, but in the end she gave in. Fully turning on Eren’s lap, Mikasa took his face in her hands, pressing their foreheads together.

“If you need to know, then I will stand behind what I carved on the headstone.”, her lips came even closer, hot air washing over Eren’s as she spoke softly only for them to hear, “You are my most beloved, my dear.”

She kissed him, he kissed her, and everything was great until a bottle shattered on the wall, one that someone threw at them, albeit very inaccurately.

“Two. Minutes.”, Pieck groaned, “Damn you!”

The sound woke Connie up, jerking awake.

“I need to piss real bad.”

That was all he said before darting towards the forest.

The commotion eventually roused everyone, and the ragtag group had a small breakfast before saying their goodbyes.

“You know I’m super happy that you are alive, but please don’t do anything rash.”, Armin was saying, clutching Eren’s hand, “I promise that I will think of something. In the meantime, the Yeagerists can’t catch wind of you. Even worse, imagine what the rest of the world would do if they knew.”

Mikasa’s cabin was secluded, the risk was low but it was there, and Armin was feeling uneasy about this whole setup. Yet there was nothing better to be done. It would be an interesting meeting with the queen when the ambassadors were all nursing throbbing headaches, yet one does not keep Historia Reiss waiting. Apologizing for the mess they left, and Mikasa was once again alone. If one didn’t count the man that was supposed to be dead, that is.

They cleaned the bottles together, working in unison achieved by years and years of working under captain Levi. After that it was finally time to get some rest, but when Eren entered the cabin a certain fact came to the light. Mikasa had only one bedroom, as she was living alone, which presented a potential problem.

“I can take the couch.”, he offered immediately, never in his life wanting to push her into something she wouldn’t want.

All Mikasa did was tighten the hold on his hand, pulling him towards the bedroom.

“You died, came back to me, and still you want to hide behind those walls? I meant it when I said that I want to be with you, all of you, so please stop this nonsense. You claimed that you loved me, so give in to those feelings, nothing is stopping us from doing so anymore.”

It must have been the remnants of the alcohol that made Mikasa this bold, yet the slight blush was present on her cheeks anyway. That subtle pink dusting was incredibly endearing and Eren had to kiss it, making her redden even harder.

“Lead the way.”

Entranced by her graceful movements, by her ethereal beauty, Eren allowed himself to be pulled into that single bedroom, eyes only for the girl he loved so much that the feeling brought him back to life.

Literally.

[starfirette]

Chapter Two: Not In Shingashina Anymore

grand masterlist | previous chapter | more levi | join the taglist: inbox | >>NEXT CHAPTER<<

Time doesn't heal all wounds. Your injury costs you a spot in the top ten.

🗨 @a-dream-is-reality

a/n: I guess SOME MINOR Reiner x Reader IN THIS ONE CHAPTER but no it’s a levi series and yes he’ll show up but yall GOTTA BE PATIENT

Dear Annaka, 

The two phrases looked foreign to your tired eyes. You dropped the ink pen you were using to the table, and the tip bled ink over the wood. 

The little clatter it made caught the attention of Ymir. She narrowed her dark eyes your way, sending a stare that you could practically feel mounting your shoulders. You set your elbow on the breakfast table, and rested your head in your hand, leaning her way so you could ask, “Can I do something for you?” 

“I can feel your negative energy,” Ymir says as she uses her hands to make a waving motion. “You’re going to kill us all with it.” 

Krista Lenz’s fork fell with a clink against her breakfast plate as she looked to Ymir with shock in her big eyes. “That’s not something to joke about,” Krista says in a low voice. You watched the little encounter between the girls with some curiosity. Ymir always shocks you when it comes to Krista Lenz. She acts completely out of the ordinary. 

Ymir rolled her gaze back to you while Krista asked, “Are you feeling alright today, Y/n?” 

You wished she wouldn’t say your name like that. You wished she wouldn’t even talk to you. 

With a warm face, you looked at your plate and chased the scrambled eggs around with a tarnished fork. “Mhmm” you mumbled. 

Ymir stretches her long, muscular arms over her head. “She’s probably just nervous she’s going to fail today,” she tells Krista casually. “I mean, she will, so she has no reason to be nervous about it.” 

“Stop that!’ Krista chastised. She sends you a sympathetic glance. 

Admittedly, you are worried you’ll fail. 

The hours are ticking down the mid-day, during when you and your other peers will complete a final round of agility testing. 

“Y/n’s one of the best,” the pale girl beamed. She pushed forward the little bowl of fruits. “Why don’t you have the rest?” 

“But I wanted the rest,” Ymir said as she reached her fork into the little bowl, preparing to stab a sliced apple chunk. Krista caught Ymir by the wrist a second too early. “You don’t need any because you aren’t nervous,” Krista chastised. 

“Because I know I’ll do great,” Ymir flaunts as she smirked at the blonde. “But you already know that.” 

“Of course I know that,” Krista muttered, her face becoming red as she looked back down at the book she’d brought to the breakfast table. 

Your mornings are often like this. Your only friend among the 104th is Krista. But Krista and Ymir are a package deal. 

Is Ymir your friend? You don’t know. She can act like one, sometimes, but you feel like that’s only for Krista’s sake. Everyone knows that no matter how big and bad Ymir acts, she would never want to do anything to make Krista angry.

It’s why Ymir has fallen so tame, now, quietly eating her morning meal while you were left to ponder the rest of your letter. 

You didn’t know what to say. Annacka, your old guardian, already knows that your graduation is coming soon, by just a matter of days. You crumpled the parchment up in your hands. The letter wouldn’t reach her in time, anyways. By the time she’d read it, you’ll have already graduated.  

The morning tiredness doesn’t settle around the mess hall like it usually does. No doubt everyone is on edge and anxious for graduation. 

Your little table of three is like an island in the middle of the hall. Across the way you could see Sasha and Connie flirting the way they usually did, by pretending to be annoyed with one another. 

Sometimes Sasha talks to you. 

Connie never does. 

Well, actually, scratch that. Sometimes you talk to Sasha, but you never talk to Connie. 

Majority of the in-training cadets here are much younger than you are. You’ve just turned twenty two years of age. It’s a wonder you were even accepted into training being as old as you were. Sixteen, just going on seventeen. The age gap certainly wedged you away from the others. While you watched your peers form their own cliques, you had spent your days training and your nights crying in bed. 

While you’re past that bit, you still wouldn’t consider yourself apart of anyone’s friend group. Except Krista. 

Krista, though, is friends with everybody. She’s that sort of person, and you have a suspicion that she wouldn’t have rested if you’d declined her initial offers to hang out with her. 

When the line up bell rings, the room fills with the sounds of shifting chairs and tables. Everyone clamored out the door, running to get dressed in uniform and be ready for roll call. Krista calmly used her ribbon book marker to save her page and she left the book on the table. “I’m kind of excited,” Krista said with a serene smile playing on her mouth. 

“You always are,” you note. 

“Not always,” Krista disagrees. She flitted away with her resonated voice still ringing in your ears. 

You unfolded the parchment in your hands as the last two girls left the mess hall. The words ‘Dear Annaka ' became smudged, and the paper was wrinkled. 

Why write to her at all? You think. 

The thought has crossed your mind more than once. 

You’re just a reminder of all she’d once had. She’d lost everyone. Every girl she raised at the orphan home was dead--all, besides you, and the little girl, Freda, who had been clutching to Annaka that entire day. That terrible, terrible day. 

The thought of Freda’s little face made you feel nauseated. She was hardly three years old on that day, and now she will be turning eight this year. You wonder if Freda remembers you. She’d been practically your sister at the home. And Annaka was practically your mother.

It’s that very reason you always dismiss your thoughts of banishing yourself from Annaka’s life. She was, and is, for all intents and purposes, your mother. 

The only remnant of family you will ever have.

While jogging out of the hall, and straight to your bunk, you struggled to pull your thick hair out of your face.

“Running late, L/n?” Ymir cackled as she passed you on the way out of the girls’ bunker. She had her brown hair up and her gear on, clearly prepared for her agility tests. 

“Get shoved,” you snapped as you brushed past her. 

Tearing out of your pajamas, and hurrying into your gear, you tried to focus on everything you’d learnt up to this day. 

You’re good. You’re one of the good ones in this class of cadets. You know you are. 

You’ve worked hard and you’ve practiced during free time. If anyone deserves this, it’s you. 

You know you can do it. 

You just barely make it to the role call in time. Sadies eyed you up and down, shook his head just slightly, then marked you present. 

While you stood in line, listening to the instructions for the day, you felt the dull twinges of pain in your lower back. You hoped being in the crowd of cadets would obscure the view of you massaging your back with an angry fist. 

Before you knew it, the crowd of cadets was moving in all different directions. Your heart pounded as you went to grab your assigned maneuvering gear set. Before any testing, every piece of gear would have to be inspected to ensure the lack of damage and any possible harm to the user. 

While you waited in line for yours to be checked out, you gazed across the large field, where an obstacle course was set up. Part of it trailed into the little forest on the edge of the training campus. Of course that’s where the majority of the agility obstacles are placed. You’ve been through that forest eight times; two agility tests per year. And now, the ninth; the final one. You’d have to do your best. The course would be different and there could be traps set to simulate an actual threat. You shivered at the thought of being in close proximity to an actual titan for a second time in your life. 

You recalled just how disgusting they smelled. The exaggerated warmth of their skin combined with the fresh flesh on their breath made you want to vomit. And their calloused skin that has been who knows where-

“L/n!” 

Your name is suddenly shouted. “For the third time,” a soldier griped. “Y/n L/n, step up with your assigned gear.” 

You scurried forth to display all parts of your gear. You were embarrassed, practically red in the face, especially after hearing someone snicker in the line and mumble your name. What could they be saying? 

Your back twinged with pain again as your gear inspection was documented in a large folder. “Head to the obstacle field for testing, L/n,” the soldier said firmly, not even looking you in the eye as he scribbled something on the file. 

You mumbled a ‘thank you’ as you gathered up your heavy gear and moved along to the side. You snapped every piece into place just right. The weight of the gear does most of its damage to your hips and legs, which takes the brunt of the pressure. It awkwardly bounced against your thighs as you stepped through the wild grass and wheat. The singing of the cicadas rang in your ears as you neared the entrance of the obstacle course, where Keith Sadies was waiting for the next cadet-in-training. 

You approached him with a strong salute. 

“You’re late,” he says. So he noticed. 

“Forgive me, sir,” you murmured softly, half forgetting you were always meant to be loud and projected. If Sadies noticed he didn’t say anything. “You’re familiar with the procedures, L/n,” he proceeds. He mounted his tall horse and gestured a long arm towards the mouth of the forest. “I will be following behind. You’ll receive your score of ‘pass’, ‘fail,’ or ‘exceed,’ promptly. You are to wait at the end of the course to revive scoring. Understood?” 

“Yes, sir,” you said firmly, making sure to raise the volume of your voice. Butterflies fluttered in your stomach, all the way up to your chest. Your boots crunched the vegetation beneath your feet as you trotted to the mouth of the forest. 

Sadies’ horse made a soft noise, as if agreeing to his rider, when Sadies said “Forward” and clicked his teeth. 

Sadies trotted behind you and you walked through the small opening of underbrush. 

You looked around the canopy of the thick trees for a few seconds, taking the view in and making the calculations. Here, there, here, there, you think, mentally tallying every place you’d have to swing back and forth all just to get past the heavy, low hanging branches that stood in the way of the titan models. You detached and reattached your blades to their handles out of a nervous habit. As though reattaching them the same way for the second time would give you good luck. 

“Today, L/n,” Sadies says with a gruff voice. His horse whinnied in agreement, shuffling some dirt around with his hoof as if he were trying to convince you to get moving. You took a deep, deep breath. The greenery of the forest passed through your lungs cooly, almost irritating your breath. You could feel something in the very center of your body keeping you anchored to the forest’s path of dirt and spare leaves. Something just between both of your eyes, that extended all the way down past your feet, like you were a puppet on the stage that is called Earth. 

With a deep breath for good luck, and another detachment and reattachment of your blades, you took off into a sprint and leapt upwards. The gear sent you flying through the air, the wind roaring in your ears. You used each tree as leverage, stepping over the thick branches only to gain more momentum in every jump you made. 

The first titan model was already barreling in, half hidden by a leaning tree. Below you Sadies galloped on his horse, following your path and watching with great intensity. 

Your blade passed through the solid rubber nape of the model’s neck with some sloppiness. As you looked back, you could see the slice falling to the ground below, but it was rigid and diagonal, as if you’d struggled to really pull the blade through. 

You swore, chewing the inside of your cheek as you looked straight ahead once more. 

Your hair came loose from it’s up~do, blowing straight behind you. 

The little twigs and leaves left scratches on your cheeks as you bobbed and weaved through the air like a real soldier. The first titan was behind you, figuratively and literally. 

If you wanted to do really well, you’d have to do better than some lousy slices. 

The second titan was shorter than the first. You braced yourself for the steep decline through the air as you pulled both arms back. You released them forward with a snap coming from your elbows. 

You looked past your shoulder. A loud laugh of relief escaped you as you saw the debris that toppled from the titan’s model. At least a foot and a half of nape had been cut out of the rubber wedge and it made a loud thud as it collapsed against the forest carpet. 

Looking forward, while urging yourself not to get cocky (you’ve just started!), you angled your hips so you could meet the curve of the path that wound to your right side. The sudden increase of tree height made you swear as you realized you’d have to elevate yourself even higher to get to the next obstacle. You swung towards the thickest tree branch and landed with both feet in square balance. You ejected your gear upwards, forwards, and you released the little trigger, feeling weightless as you were soaring up, up towards the burning su-

A shriek escaped your mouth as a roaring pain slithered down your back. 

You squeezed the handles of your gear and the weightlessness was lost as you tumbled towards the ground. You fell onto your stomach. Every bit of oxygen was stolen from your lungs and you felt like a popped balloon laying pathetically torn and small. 

The pounding steps of Keith Sadies’ horse trotted to a stop. He and his horse loomed over you. The little bit of sunshine that shone through the tree heads just barely made a halo around his bald head.

“Do you forfeit?” he asked plainly. 

Your chin trembled. You forced yourself up to your feet, the pain in your back so blinding that it formed a quarry of tears in your eyes. “Never,” you said sharply, making sure to keep any sounds of pain out of your voice. You readjusted your blades and aimed your gear at the tallest tree. You zoomed upwards towards where you’d aimed. You took a moment to hide behind the thickness of the tree, clutching the pain in your back and trying not to cry out from pain. 

You stuck your fist in your mouth, sinking your teeth down as you wheezed. 

Now isn’t the time. 

Now, of all times, is not the time. You refuse to let it be. 

You took three, deep, kickstarting breaths, mentally hyping yourself up to the task of continuing your course and getting the best score anyone could get. 

You went full throttle off the tree branch. You zigzagged through the air as you struggled to keep your balance. You naturally want to lead towards the left to ease the pain in your back, but anytime you did so, you’d start to rotate horizontally, becoming perfectly parallel with the ground. 

It was enough motivation to not want to be body slammed into the ground from miles and miles above. 

Skidding around the corner, and cutting a foot through another rubber nape, you had the inside of your cheek practically torn up. Like a chew toy for a dog, or roadkill in a fox’s mouth. 

The movements of the maneuvering gear relied on core balance. Every angle had to be fluid, precise, and most importantly, equal. You could not shift weight side to side, or else you really would fall head first to the ground. 

It felt like an eternity was passing as you maneuvered through the obstacles. At the final titan, which towered way above you, you exerted every ounce of strength you had left. A loud cry tore at your throat as you hurtled towards the last model and sliced straight through the nape. 

You declined to the forest floor and landed onto your knees, which trembled and created divots in the dirt. Wheezing like a goddamn whistle, you sat over yourself, one hand clutching the spot of pain on your back. 

The galloping of Sadies’ horse rumbled to a stop behind you. “Get yourself a drink of water,” he said tersely. “Your scores will be available before lunch.” 

You couldn’t even argue, or demand to get your score sooner like the others. You managed a salute to your superior before you limped your way out of the forest. At the exit, you pulled over onto the side of a fallen tree. It was hollow inside, eaten clean through by termites, and it served no use to you as you laid straight on your back. The rough terrain wasn’t comfortable, but at least by laying there you could relax whatever muscle you’d strained. 

It took a minute for you to completely unwind. When you did, you fell into a fit of unrestrainable sobs. That stupid fucking day would never fucking leave you alone, would it? 

That stupid, ass fucking day. 

It was still destroying you. If only it hadn’t happened. 

If only you’d been careless and selfish. It was all because you ran to help that man; you know, the man? The one with the orange tunic and the greyish beard? You know him. Of course you do. 

He was the one whose leg was trapped in some debris, which he couldn’t free himself from. You’d abandoned Annaka, and the perfect hiding place she’d found for you and little Freda. 

You’d ran to the man (a total stranger, by the way) and dug through the rubble of stone and wood so he could run free. 

He did run free in the end. But he’d left you behind in the process. As soon as his measly foot shook free from the rubble, he took off into a wild sprint, not daring himself to look back at the fifteen year old girl who saved his life or the titan that loomed over them like Death with a scythe and robe. 

The titan had taken a step. He’d taken one singular step and it brought the rest of that building down upon you. You were buried beneath it all, breathing in the saw dust and blood fumes while your back bent at an unnatural angle. 

The doctors said you were lucky to be able to walk after all the time you’d spent underneath the building's remnants. It was a wonder you’d survived at all. It had taken hours to be found. Your screaming and crying did nothing, warned no one. It was hours of listening to the stampede of titans around your home and the death of the villagers who’d been your neighbors. 

“L/n?” 

You quirked your eyes away from the clouds you’d been stalking. Above you was that boy-that young man, rather. 

He was tall. Blond. He had a strangely muscular face, but it was softened by the effects of his eyes.

“You know me?” you asked dumbly. 

He chortled. “You kicked my ass the first year of basic training, remember?” 

You did. “Reiner,” you said his name, testing the waters a bit. “You...you finished your exam?” 

“Well, yeah. How long have you been laying here?” 

“I don’t know,” you said dumbly. 

“Why are you laying in the dirt?” he proceeded. 

“I hurt myself.” 

“You’re going to get ant bites,” he said cautiously. 

“I probably have tons already,” you replied. 

He stared down at your for another couple of seconds. While the cicadas sang, Reiner knelt down, scooping his arm beneath your neck and boosting you to your feet. “So Sadies finally drove you to the breaking point, eh?” Reiner asks as you stand against his side. 

“It was my own fault,” you tell him. If only you’d been smarter. 

“Bet you did great, though,” he proceeded to point out as your boots crunched over the grass in unison. 

You looked up at the blond’s chiseled face, puzzled he would say such a thing. “What makes you say that?” 

“You’re one of the best,” Reiner explained. “Can’t believe you don’t know that.” 

“I try to be,” you tell him in a strained sigh. You leaned more of your weight against him. The gear on your hips clanked against his own as you trotted down the field, back towards the main grounds. 

“It pays off. I’d bet my arm that you’ll be in the military police sipping wine off of buttercups this time next year.” 

You tried not to grin. “Guess you’ll be losing an arm, then,” you muttered. 

Reiner grinned. “Who needs arms, anyway?” 

You passed. 

You stared at the report all throughout lunch, dinner, and now during bath hour. 

The other girls soaked in the sauna, chatting away and celebrating their last days at basic. 

You just mulled over your score as you sat in the corner, steaming (literally) with disappointment. 

Reiner was wrong. 

You weren’t one of the best. 

You didn’t exceed. 

Marked Failures: Sustained grave injury. Lost control of gear more than once. Sloppy direction via maneuvering gear. 

A pass was a pass. 

At least you could graduate. 

But you’d really been hoping for an exceed. 

It wasn’t a surprise to learn just who exceeded. It was obvious. 

Reiner was wrong, but maybe that’s alright. You didn’t particularly want to join the police force to begin with. 

But, still--you’d been working towards one goal for five years. You were within arm’s reach before you lost your footing and fell, tumbling further and further from the top ten spots. 

You knocked your head back against the walls of the sauna. You dropped the parchment results to the tiled floor. Water seeped through the ink and ate through the results like the termites in the fallen log. 

Oh. 

If only that day hadn’t been so. 

If only.

[haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong]

The Power of Uselessness

Needless to say it had been a rough couple of months for the remnants of Chaldea. Between their home being destroyed, the three months in void space, and immediately being tossed into the Russian Lostbelt it was fair to say they were due for a win any second now. For a moment that seemed to be just what they were getting. Ivan had been defeated and the source of this little slice of chaos stand before them. But nothing good lasts forever. As now the only thing standing between them and The Great Tree was the very servant who was responsible for them losing their home and her master who by all means outclassed Kiryu in every way. On top of that it seemed the residents of the world grew wise to what would happen should Chaldea accomplish their goal. Was it right to destroy this entire land for the sake of restoring their own? By doing so were they not just as horrible as the very beings that wiped out their entire history? If not for Patxi’s parting words these thoughts would have driven Kiryu to despair. The Yaga’s final moments being used to push Kiryu to make a world where people could smile and be happy. A world where you didn’t have to be strong just to barely get by.

And so he would continue to fight. To push forward onto taking out the Great Tree that lay before them. Billy’s help was crucial along with Mash’s new power. But in the end it seemed to be too much. The Yaga’s sheer numbers and Anastasia’s overwhelming might drove them to their knees.

Kadoc: Why don’t you just give up already? It’s clear you’re outmatched here.

Kiryu’s breathing had become heavy. His spirit ready to press on, but his body however....

Kiryu:....Wouldn’t be the first time.

Kadoc: Oh yeah, you may have gotten lucky up until now but that’s all it was. It’s nothing short of a miracle that you even got past the First Singularity.

Deep down Kiryu knew he was right. It was only thanks to the help he had gotten that he ever made it this far. But would that really undermine everything.

Kadoc: Face it! You’re outclassed here. You weren’t even supposed to be at Chaldea, let alone survive that explosion. You’re just a low ranking nobody who only got drafted because somehow you can manage a connection with servants. Without that, you’re nothing. You’re useless.

The word echoed in Kiryu’s mind like the ringing of The First Hassan’s bell. He always hated that word. His fists tighten as he pushes himself to his feet.

Kiryu: Useless?

Anastasia: Have you gone deaf now? Your Proper Human History had failed. And now it is up to-

Kiryu: Shut the hell up!

Everyone looks to Kiryu. His outburst drawning concern from his allies

Mash: Senpai? Kiryu’s breathing accelerates as he straightens his back

Kiryu: I’ve had it...up to here with people like you. People who look down on everybody just because they don’t live up to your expectations. The only reason any of this was allowed to happen was because of high and mighty people who thought they were better then anyone. You want useless?

Kiryu raises his right hand. Not once up to this point has he ever felt the need use them outside of boosting his servants but it seemed he was making an exception. His left hand grabbing onto his wrist as he focuses everything into his command.

Kiryu: I’ll show you just what useless people can do!

All three of the markings on his hand begin glowing with an intense bright light.

Kiryu: By my command! I order you! Return to my side!

Onboard the Shadow Boarder the briefcase which held the collective Spirit Origins connected to Kiryu begins to glow.

Gordy: What the devil is that? I um...is it supposed to be doing that right now?

Kiryu: Return to my side and live up to your name! Strike this damn tree down in one feel swoop! Return to my side and unleash your power! BUNYAAAAAAAANNNNN!

All three of the marks on Kiryu’s hand fade away and the light on them begins to fade. The area left in silence if not for Kiryu’s breathing.

Kadoc:.....What the hell was that? Are you so delusional you gave your saving grace to a servant who doesn’t even exist?

Anastasia: It seems the stress of the situation has gone to his head, master.

Mash and Billy look toward Kiryu. Billy wondering what exactly was going on. Why didn’t he use those to help get them out? Mash couldn’t help but wonder the same thing. Command seals could be used to restore spirit origins of existing servants but at the moment that current servant was....

Kadoc: Well no sense dragging this out any longer. Finish it.

With her master’s command Anastasia lifts her hand and an ice spike begins forming in her palm. Just as it fully formed the ground would shake causing her to lose concentration, causing it to fall and shatter.

Kadoc: What the hell!?

A smug smile comes onto Kiryu’s face. He knew exactly what was happening. After all, he had willed it so.

The ground shakes once more. A steady rhythm had begun to form. From behind Kiryu, Kadoc could see something approach them. A colossus stepping around the city as it seemed to be on a direct course for where they stood.

Kiryu: The Yaga worshiped Ivan....because of his strength. Patxi called him a living mountain. Well I wonder how they’ll respond....

Kadoc looks toward Kiryu, finding his eyes locking with the low ranking master’s.

Kiryu: to something bigger.

Upon seeing the figure that put Ivan to shame the Yaga would be put into a panic. The hands trembling as they could feel the power quickly approaching them. Kadoc looks around at his now useless army.

Kadoc: You idiots! Just kill the master and the servant will follow! Damn it are any of you listening to me!?

His words fell on deaf ears. The Yaga that weren’t frozen in awe had already begun to flee.

Kadoc: Damn it! Anastasia!

Anastasia: I’ve got him.

Now use to the tremors the servant readies another ice spike. Within seconds it launched directly toward Kiryu’s heart. But it was too late. They were already within reach of the titan that stood behind them. A massive hand covered in a green glove slammed down and stomped the ice spike into the ground. With one swift motion it would scoop up a piece of the ground, carrying Kiryu and his allies up to safety.

Bunyan: .....Master.

With the very ground beneath him moving Kiryu was forced onto his stomach. He lacked the strength to get up but he could still look behind him. The smiling face of innocence looking down at him. The snow beginning to melt from under him as he can’t help but smile back.

Bunyan: I’m back.

Kiryu:.....Welcome home.

Bunyan would respond with a heartfelt giggle. With a swift motion she places the three inside of one of her coat pockets.

Kadoc: This is insane! What the hell even is that!? That spirit origin is pathetic! Paul Bunyan shouldn’t even be on the Throne of Heroes! This shouldn’t even be happening!

From their perspective distances Bunyan can only vaguely hear the ramblings going on beneath her. Her master was now safe and warm inside of her coat. With both hands she grasps onto her axe and stares at the massive tree before her.

Bunyan: And yet....here I AM!

With one swing of her axe the tree would be cut clean in two. Almost in an instant the storm that seemed to constantly surround the Russian Lostbelt would cease. Bunyan slamming her axe down to her side. Kadoc could only look in despair as his beloved servant would begin to fade away. With the Lostbelt gone her spirit origin’s connection to this would was gone. She could no longer maintain herself. All Kadoc could do was look up at the titanic servant now staring down at him angrily. He thought about running but in the end there wouldn’t be a point. For every 100 steps he took she would only have to take one to be in front of him again. He couldn’t help but find the whole thing humorous in a way. That bastard Kiryu managed to pull off another one.

--------------------------------------------

Had this one in my head for a while now but could never quite get it right. Wasn’t sure to do this one or the ending of their contract first but the ladder just made me to sad to write down. So I went with this one.

@hasquetzdoneanythingwrong @hasereshdoneanythingwrong​ @hasishtardoneanythingwrong​

[toffrox]

Voices (Part Two)

Summary: In the months preceding Lester & Meg's return to camp, Nico's nightmares begin to worsen. Nico goes to Percy for advice. *Spoilers for Tower of Nero*

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Read on Ao3

Nico

Nico lay staring at the ceiling of Cabin Thirteen.

The voices were absent today, although the memory of last night's dream still burned in his mind.

Alongside them were echoes of his conversation with Will. They had fought yesterday and they hadn't spoken since.

Nico had skipped dinner. And breakfast.

Perhaps if Jason were here he would have brought Nico some food. (He was awfully hungry).

But Jason was gone.

Nico cursed the tears that stung the corner of his eyes as he remembered again the moment he had felt Jason's…

But no, he shouldn't think about it. Couldn't think about it.

It would drive him crazy, he knew, if he obsessed over it. And he wasn't even sure if it was real… especially with all the other weird things Nico had been seeing and hearing lately.

Part of him knew already that this feeling was different. That it was real. Just like he knew Bob's voice calling out to him was real.

But he didn't want to think about that either. Didn't want to think about how upset he was making Will.

"You can't go down there alone again, Nico. You can't." Will had told him, his eyes sparkling with tears.

Nico had panicked at the idea of Will coming with him to Tartarus. But that had only made Will more upset.

"You really don't think I can do this, huh?" 

Nico groaned and rolled onto his side, curling into a ball in the corner of his bed.

All he wanted was to protect Will. For Will to be safe. To keep him and their relationship seperate from all the horrible things that already haunted everything else in his life.

He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears that still threatened to overtake him.

Instead the darkness just reminded him of his dream.

-

He dreamed he was at camp.

Except his dream self didn't know it was camp. He was lost.

He stumbled around the green, knocking on cabin doors. Each time he did the door would swing open to reveal groups of monsters instead of campers.

The Apollo cabin had been empty.

Someone was calling Nico's name. Someone Nico knew… or had known a long time ago.

Nico ran along the pier at the lake and around the edges of the woods, but he couldn't find his way… he wasn't even sure what he was looking for. Wherever he went, the voice calling out to him became more distant.

He had walked up to the Big House and wandered around the big, empty rooms, but no one was home. He'd climbed up to the attic thinking maybe he'd find something there. Instead he found himself face to face with Akhlys, who wept. She stared at him, like she stared at him every time he dreamed about her.

He knew what she was going to say before she said it, even though it had been months since she had spoken to him in his dreams. After he and Will had started dating she had started appearing in his dreams less frequently. When she did, she rarely spoke. She rarely even cried lately, though she was crying now. Crying and smiling.

"Child of Hades, what more could I do to you?"

Nico wrenched his eyes open again and sat up straight.

He blinked the remnants of tears out of his eyes, his heart still racing from the memory of the dream.

Then he stood up and reached for his shoes and bomber jacket.

He needed to talk to someone about this.

-

Nico appeared on the doorstep and pressed the buzzer before he could change his mind.

It wasn't the first time he'd stood outside Percy Jackson's place, his stomach churning with nervousness. But this time he wasn't nervous about the boy inside the apartment. All Nico could think about was his fight with Will and Will in Tartarus and whether he would be able to fix it.

"Hello?" came a woman's voice from the apartment speaker.

Nico had learned that it was better to shadow travel to the front door when visiting the Jacksons'. Apparently shadow travelling onto the window sill or directly into the living room was a little inappropriate.

"Hey Mrs Jackson. It's Nico."

Nico bounced on his heels impatiently.

"Nico! What a pleasant surprise! Come right up-" Mrs Jackson's voice was cut off by static and the door buzzed open.

When Nico arrived on the Jackson's floor he saw the door at the end of the corridor click open and Percy appeared in the doorway, grinning.

"Hey, man!" He said, stepping back to let Nico inside and closing the door behind him. "What brings you to the city?"

Nico swept his eyes around the apartment. The TV was blaring out from the living room. In the kitchen Nico could hear Estelle babbling away and Mrs Jackson cooing at her.

"I was hoping we could… talk." Nico said, uneasy.

Percy eyed him with concern.

"Of course." He nodded. "Let's go up to my room. I'll ask Mom if you can stay for lunch." As he spoke, he led Nico back into the kitchen.

"Oh, you don't need to- Hi Mrs Jackson." Nico cut himself off to raise his hand in greeting. Mrs Jackson beamed at him and stood up to wrap him in a hug. Behind her Percy bent over baby Estelle in her crib, wiggling his fingers at her.

"How have you been, dear?" Mrs Jackson asked, "Will you be joining us for lunch?"

"I-"

"Yes. We'll cook." Percy said before Nico could answer. "But we have to talk about camp stuff first. We'll be in my room if you need us."

And before Nico could argue Percy was rushing up the stairs to his bedroom, leaving Nico to shoot Mrs Jackson an apologetic glance before following him.

-

"So what's up?"

Percy was sitting cross legged on his bed, looking entirely unconcerned about the mess that was his room.

Nico leaned hesitantly against Percy's desk, brushing away piles of notes and worn textbooks. He started to worry that maybe he'd made a mistake coming here… Percy was in the middle of studying for finals. He didn't have time to talk to Nico about this.

Still, it felt too late to back out now.

"I…" Nico fumbled for words, unsure where to begin. "I've been having nightmares… about Tartarus." He said eventually.

Percy's concerned frown deepened at Nico's words.

"What kind of nightmares?"

"I…" Nico paused and took a slow, deep breath. Then he plowed through and told Percy everything: How he'd been having nightmares and flashbacks and waking dreams. How they had been getting worse, and more specific. How he had been hearing things, hearing voices. How one of those voices was Bob the Titan. And most importantly how Nico was convinced that all of these things meant that Nico would have to go back down to Tartarus again. To find Bob. To stop the voices.

Percy's face grew paler the more Nico spoke, until he looked almost as nauseous as Nico felt.

Again, Nico felt a stab of guilt for coming.

What was he thinking? Will was right when he'd said that Percy and Annabeth had enough to worry about as it was. Nico stared at his shoes in shame.

When Percy eventually spoke, his voice was hoarse.

"I'm so sorry, Nico."

Nico guessed that Percy was feeling guilty for having left Bob behind but that just made Nico's stomach flood with remorse all over again. Because that wasn't the real reason Nico had come to talk to Percy about all of this.

"Will wants to come with me." Nico forced himself to say it, though just the thought made his head spin with fear.

Percy was quiet but Nico could somehow tell he was looking at him.

"That's… good, right?" he said.

"No, it's not good!" Nico couldn't help but yell.

It was like all the emotion he'd been holding back this morning came rushing into him at once. He brought his hands up to cover his face and bent over, helpless. Paralysed at the idea of Will, his Will, being trapped down in Tartarus with him, so far away from the sunshine Nico always associated with him, so tangled up in everything Nico hated about his past.

"I can't- He can't-" Nico stammered out the words in a kind of panic, the memory of Will's face flushed with anger from their fight yesterday swimming before his eyes. "And now he's mad at me and I- I can't just… I can't do that do him. I can't let him come."

Nico dropped his hands in defeat and looked up at Percy once more.

Percy's eyes were big with concern and pity.

"I get it." he said softly. "It's ok to be scared."

Perhaps those words would have annoyed Nico once. But the truth was Nico knew Tartarus scared Percy just as badly as it scared him. He met Percy's eyes with determination.

"If I have to go back, I'll go back." said Nico. "But I can't let Will come with me. There's just no way. If something happened to him…" Nico closed his eyes.

"I get it." Percy said again.

"What do I do?" Nico croaked. Percy winced and shook his head.

"I don't know, man… Maybe if-"

"You could come with me instead." Nico blurted it out. He was desperate, pleading. He felt terrible even as he said it but he was willing to do anything, ask anything to avoid the thought of Will in danger.

Panic flashed in Percy's face. He swallowed, looking nauseous again.

"Nico, I can't go down there again." He shook his head, eyes wide and fearful. "I can't. Not even for Bob. I don't think I could…"

"Percy, please…" Nico begged. "It's Will. Can you honestly imagine Will Solace down there?"

Percy's guilty look changed then into something resembling annoyance. He almost rolled his eyes.

"Nico. Will is a badass. He's been through two wars." said Percy flatly.

"Yes, so he keeps saying." Nico huffed.

"Then why aren't you listening?"

"I am, Percy, but it's not the same you know that."

Nico was desperate again. Percy met his eyes and seemed to regain some kind of confidence in his sternness.

"Nico. Do you think Annabeth would listen for one second if I tried to tell her she wasn't powerful enough to do something?" he said.

"That's not what I'm saying." Nico sighed. "I know Will is powerful. I do. Obviously I think he's amazing."

"Then you have to trust that he'll be able to take care of himself." said Percy.

"How can he when he's always trying to take care of me first?"

"Well maybe you should let him."

Nico threw up his hands and tugged his hair, exasperated.

"I can't just ignore this, Percy!"

"No. Listen to me." Percy's tone turned serious. "I wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes down there without Annabeth. The only reason we've survived anything together these past few years is because we trust that we have each other's backs - no matter what."

"But -"

"Dude… if Will got given a dangerous quest and tried to do it without help, would you let him?" Percy raised his eyebrows at Nico. Nico scowled, angry at being interrupted and frustrated at the truth behind Percy's words.

"I… yeah, of course I would." Nico said, weakly. But he knew that wasn't true. "If that's what he said he wanted… I…" He trailed off, unable to convince himself.

Nico sighed again.

"Ok fine." he snapped. "But this is Tartarus, Percy. It's not the same. You know it's not."

Percy grimaced. "If… if you really do have to go back down there - and I'm still not convinced that this is actually a good idea - then don't you think Will is going to find a way to follow you whether you like it or not?"

Nico shook his head stubbornly.

"If I told Will I didn't want him there, he would listen. He wouldn't follow me." Again, he wasn't sure that that was true. But Will had always supported him before.

"Even if that were true," said Percy, "Do you think he'd be happier stuck back at camp waiting for you?"

Nico chewed his lip.

"Will is not going to be ok if you go down there without him." Percy went on. "He's already worried about you. You have to take care of him too, you know. You barely survived down there last time; things got so bad that being kidnapped by giants ended up being a good thing! You think Will is going to be just going about the infirmary without you not even worrying about it? You might not come back! Don't you realise you won't be able to do this on your own?"

"Of course I know that" Nico was miserable. "Thats why…" Nico's voice went quiet. "That's why I thought maybe if I asked you…"

Percy looked though Nico had just punched him in the stomach. Nico broke his gaze, ashamed.

Percy took a deep, shuddering breath. "Look, maybe I should tell you why exactly I can't go back there."

Nico glanced up to see Percy inspecting his fingernails, conflicted. Nico stared him down, waiting.

"When…" Percy's voice caught and he cleared his throat before pulling himself upright and pushing on. "When Annabeth and I were in Tartarus, we met Akhlys, the goddess of misery."

Nico's blood went cold, remembering his dream from last night.

"We… we fought her." Percy said. "But we were losing. And she… there was this poison. All around me. I realised, since it was made of water, kind of, I could control it."

Percy's eyes glazed over. He looked more frightened than Nico had ever seen him.

"I- I fought back and I almost… I almost killed her. I wanted to. I could feel that she was choking on her tears and the poison…"

Nico stared, wide-eyed.

He knew Percy was powerful; more powerful than anyone. But to kill a goddess…

"I scared Annabeth." Percy admitted, voice hushed. "If she hadn't stopped me…"

"Percy-" Nico began, although he wasn't sure what he intended to say. What could he say, after that? But Percy looked up and gave him a grim smile.

"Jason told me that stopping friends from using their powers in the wrong way is something friends have to do for each other." he said.

Oh Gods. Nico felt his stomach lurch as he realised. I haven't said anything about Jason.

He felt another brief wave of panic and guilt at not thinking of it earlier, but at the same time he couldn't bring himself to say anything when he didn't know for sure if what he'd felt was true.

What if this was like with Leo, and Nico was wrong? He couldn't do that Percy. And especially not now, after everything else Nico had just dumped on him.

"Anyway the reason I'm telling you all this." Percy said. "Is because I've been thinking about that fight a lot and- well, it's just that I don't think I could trust myself to go back to Tartarus and not… I don't think I could stop myself from becoming…"

"I get it." Nico said, echoing Percy's words from before.

And Nico did get it.

Honestly, Nico felt shocked. How many times had he replayed his own encounters with his darkest instincts; his fights and moments of weakness when he doubted whether or not he'd done the right thing or whether he'd gone too far.

He had always thought that as a Son of Hades he was the only demigod who felt conflicted about his own powers in this way. Who felt dangerous. Who questioned whether their powers were good or bad. Who looked at other demigods and saw fear reflected back at him in their eyes.

Nico felt all of a sudden that maybe he wasn't so alone after all.

He shifted on his feet and heard something crinkle under his toes.

He looked down to see a picture of Percy and Annabeth. They were sitting on the beach at Camp Half Blood. Percy had one arm thrown around Annabeth's neck and she was leaning into him, eyes alight with laughter. Percy was looking at her, his face turned to the side, away from the camera. His smile was bright and clear-sighted. A million miles away from the way Percy's face was twisted in confusion and worry right now.

Nico thought of Will, and the way Will smiled at him.

Nico never felt dangerous around Will. Will was never scared of him. Had never been scared of him. Even when Nico felt he was at his worst.

Suddenly Nico realised what Percy was trying to tell him. He understood.

"You're right, Percy."

Percy's head jerked towards him in surprise. He gave Nico a lopsided smile.

Nico pushed away from the desk and stood up properly.

He would have to talk to Will when he got back to camp. Would have to talk to him about what came next and apologise for making him so upset.

But for now, he had to rest and get some food in him.

He returned Percy's smile, determined to make up for having shown up with such bad news and asking him to relive Tartarus again. Percy grinned then. He stood up and made to head back down to the kitchen, motioning for Nico to join.

"Come on," he said. "I think we deserve some lunch."

[sirmattchap]

The Dawning

       “You h-have no idea how-w-w lucky you are, to not feel cold…” Tank bitterly spoke between chattering teeth. His blood was frozen, and his bone gripped by the icy tendrils of the encroaching blizzard. His decrepit armour provided no protection against the elements. The fireplace he crouched in front of weakly flickered with life, the ramshackle cottage he sat in was home to a constant battle between the fragile heat, and the oppressive cold from outside. An electronic snicker came from across the room from a dusty table. Atlas sat with crossed legs, scrolling through documents on his datapad, paying no mind to the chilly air blowing through the broken window next to him.

      “And you have no idea how lucky you are, not having to defragment every month.” He brushed some snow that drifted in off of his robes. “Do you ever miss it while we’re on operations?” Atlas asked, not even looking up from his work.

      “It?” Tank looked at him and moved his hands closer to the flame. “You mean The Dawning?” Tank shrugged and looked back, the small blaze reflecting off his sapphire eyes. “I guess… Not much is different, maybe some new snacks at the stores. I guess this year, there’s just more to think about you know?”

      “Agreed. Too many changes for my liking. I prefer things to be boring and simple.” he reponded 

      Tank reached into a pouch on his side and pulled out a small ring and rubbed it gently in his palm. “I think I miss the people the most… it’s so isolated out here.”

      Atlas looked up from his datapad and tilted his head. “What, are we not good enough company?” He snarked.

          Tank laughed and admired the ring. “No offence but being around you guys kinda got stale after the first hundred years” He shot back with a sly grin.

      “HURTFUL!” Hayes shouted, kicking in the door to the cottage, with him came a burst of snow and blisteringly cold winds, instantly snuffing out the fire. Tank’s head snapped to Hayes. A new inferno roared inside his eyes as he stared into Hayes’ very soul. Atlas almost burst out laughing seeing the fire go out. Hayes ignored it, willfully or accidentally, neither was sure; he just rested his rifle next to the door and walked to the fireplace

      Tank clenched his jaw and hissed. “I will make sure your Ghost never finds your remains…” Hayes smiled and stopped next to him, tousling Tank’s short grey hair, which only heightened his rage. Tank fists clenched, surges of arc energy sparked off them.

      “Calm down old man, no need to break your hip.” Hayes pulled out a flaming hand cannon from behind his back and held it beside Tank’s head, shooting into the fireplace. A blast of heat filled the cottage, burning a patch of hair off of Tank’s head. “There, happy?” 

      “Ahhh! Bastard!” Tank patted a small patch of cindering hair. “Why am I not even surprised at this point!?” Hayes shrugged and sat down across from Atlas, leaning back on the chair and propping his legs up on the table. Tank’s Ghost took shape next to his Guardian, healing the man before disappearing again. Tank immediately stood up, gliding his hand across the fresh area of hair, all while glaring at the blasé Hunter, idly smiling widely with his eyes closed.

      “No need t’ thank me!”

      Atlas looked away from his document, resting his head on his hand, watching the two intently. “Frankly, I’m amazed it only took a hundred years for this to get old.” 

      Hayes let out a small laugh, “C’mon, y’know you both love me, without me, it’d just be you two and no offence, but that’d be soooo boring.” He cracked open his eyes and stared down Atlas. “Well, more boring than usual.”

      Tank sighed, “How’s it look?” 

      “Well Jim, it looks like it’s gonna be another sunny scorcher out here, make sure to pack your sunscreen.” Hayes sassed, relishing the stern unimpressed look on Tank’s face. Atlas never gave him disapproving looks, that’s the worst part about trying to annoy Exos as he’d say. “Well, if you must know, it’s the same as yesterday and the day before and so on. The remnant of these Devil’s are still keeping their head down and battling out the Winter. I can’t possibly imagine what that’s like.” He rolled his eyes. 

      Tank rubbed the bridge of his nose and took a seat between the two. “And the Tower?” Tank looked to Atlas, expecting a much better result.

      “No new orders, but a bunch of new news. Rumours say The Guardian has found a way to use the Darkness? That can’t be right… can it?” 

      “Mercury and Mars are just... gone. At this point anything is possible,” Hayes noted. 

      “Anything else?”

      “Hmm… Dawning wishes from Eva, Tess gives us gift cards for one free Bright Engram when we arrive at the Tower. Lynnette wishes you a happy Dawning too.” Atlas gestures to Tank, before continuing “a bunch of messages from the usual suspects asking for Hayes to come back and open the bar-”

      “Ughhh I’m missing out on so much business…” He groans while dragging his hands down his face. “Especially with the Darkness being here? People need to drink away their fears.” 

      Tank shook his head, keeping quiet to let Atlas pick up where he left off. “Weird structures have been appearing on the Moon, in the Dreaming City and the Tangled Shore, and Osiris… Oh no…”

      “What?” Tank and Hayes leaned forward, both of them trying to hide a string of fear that rang in their hearts.

      “...Osiris lost his Ghost… He is safe in the Tower, but he is reclusive and quiet since he lost Sagira...” Tank and Hayes moved back shocked. A quiet note hung in the air, as the wind outside picked up and snow fell like hail. Atlas turned off his datapad and spoke hushedly. “How long did he spend in the Infinite Forest? Several decades? Spending so much time alone with the same Ghost, never saying a word to anyone else, isolated like that. Can you imagine that?”

      Tank looked to Hayes, who gave him a knowing smile. “Yeah, I think I could.” Hayes chirped. 

      Atlas glared at Hayes, “Yeah, but you have not lost Chaplin, Tank has not lost Omar, and I have not lost Cassini. To lose them would be losing a part of your soul.”

      A ghostly silence fell among them, stopping the conversation in its tracks. They all hated the silence, but no one could muster the ability to speak first. Their thoughts all consumed by the idea that the apocalypse is coming, and they could be next. Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes dragged on for hours. Or at least it felt like they did. Then, Omar appeared next to Tank, speaking softly. “I think now would be a good time buddy, save the mood and all that.” 

      Tank nodded “I think that’s a good idea.” Omar turned to the Warlock and Hunter, and spun his shell, materializing two engram shaped gifts, wrapped crudely with paper depicting cartoon Ghosts, engrams, and glimmer. “I know we agreed on no gifts seeing as we were going into the field, but I thought these could break up the monotony if we were out here too long. Go ahead, open them!” Tank looked uncharacteristically happy, looking almost unnatural for having, as Hayes would say, ‘resting bitch face’. 

      Atlas began by delicately unwrapping the present, taking care not to damage the paper, revealing a cardboard engram underneath to hold the shape. Atlas tried carefully to open it but ended up tearing the thing in half. Onto the table fell a pristine new set of robes. He admired the craftsmanship that went into the stitching, making it seamless to all but the most attentive onlookers. Fine gold lines of threads snaked around the outfit creating beautiful patterns. The few metal parts that there are, were painted with Dawning imagery. Atlas looked to Tank confused. “This is from this year’s Guardian clothing line for the Dawning, is it not? But- how did you get it? We’ve been out here for three months.”

      Tank smirked, proud of himself. “I just so happen to have been chosen last year as the model that the male Dawning Titan armour is based on; can’t exactly make a set of armour without measurements. So I called in a small favour with Tess to get an advanced copy of this year's set. I think it’ll look good on you.”

      Hayes snarked “Ooo more options for dress-up time? I’m sure you’re happy about that ey’ Toaster?” he mocked. Atlas looked to him, but Hayes’ couldn’t get the angry look he was hoping for. “I ever mention how creepy it is that you tin-cans don’t really have facial expressions?” 

      “Dozens of times…” Atlas agonized. 

      “Good, it’s true.”

      “Thank you Tank, I love it.” Atlas gratefully accepted the gift, clutching it close to his chest.

      “Alright, sentimental time over, my turn!” Hayes eagerly tore apart the wrapping paper with little regard, shredding the cardboard in the process. He stopped dead in his tracks though when he saw what his gift was. He pulled out a square crystal bottle with a large crystal stopper at the neck of the bottle. Amber liquid swirled inside as he moved it around, examining it. His hands shook a little when setting it down on the table. He carefully removed the stopper and took a sniff before capping it. “You…” 

      “Found a bottle of centuries-old aged whiskey. I remember you talking about how older drinks always taste the best, so I kept my eyes open anytime we left the Tower. Remember that old Bunker we found on Mars? There was a bottle tucked away in a safe, who knows how old that stuff is, but I think it’s gotta taste pretty good.” Tank's pride was oppressive, smiling wide in the enjoyment on their faces. Well. Hayes’ face.

      “Wow, that’s… Thank you.” Hayes’ words oozed with sincerity. He looked around, causing his Ghost to appear. Hayes held up three fingers, then knocked on the table. His Ghost nodded and produced three small glasses on the table in front of him. “What’s a gift if you can’t share it right?” Atlas nodded, turned on his datapad, and set up a small festive song to play in their merriment. Hayes poured a small amount into each glass, making sure not to give too much, then slid them across the table to each one of them. He raised his glass and looked at both of them. “To our survival!” Hayes cheered.

      Atlas tilted his head and grabbed his glass. “To our friendship!” he continued.

      Tank smirked and raised his own. “To another year!” He cheered.

      Their glasses clinked as they toasted, and drank the liquor. Tank and Atlas immediately spat it out in disgust, as Hayes pleasantly finished his without a care in the world. Once he finished, the three of them burst out laughing, both sides complaining and defending the drink. A blizzard raged outside, but inside burned with unbridled jubilation.

[the-truest-sentence-i-know]

Rogue Demigod - Chapter One

Fandom: Percy Jackson & the Olympians

Pairing: Annabeth Chase x Percy Jackson

Summary: Two years after Luke Castellan's demigod rebellion was ruthlessly crushed by the Olympians, Annabeth realizes that a string of attacks against minor gods across the country might be the actions of another half-blood. Determined to not let history repeat itself, she leaves camp to meet them. Au where Percy never went to Camp Halfblood.

Word Count: 3.5k | 1/?

ao3 ||| ff.net ||| wattpad ||| quotev

As Annabeth walked into Chiron’s office in the Big House, she noticed the shimmering remnant of an Iris message. Behind the glimpses of rainbow that hung in the air, Chiron’s face was grim.

“Another attack?” she asked.

Chiron nodded wearily. “A minor god in Texas, not far from Houston. Tyche, goddess of luck, destiny, and fortune.”

“Did she see what attacked her?” Annabeth sat down on the edge of Chiron’s desk.

He shook his head. “Same as the others. A sudden deluge of water, which got her off-guard as well as temporarily blinding her. But she swears whatever it was had a celestial bronze weapon.”

“Maybe it’s not a monster,” Annabeth suggested, putting a pin in Houston on a map already covered in pins.

“What else would it be?” Chiron asked. “All the Titans were accounted for, as well as the other minor gods and goddesses. Besides, they would have been able to do a lot more damage. Tyche was shaken and a bit injured, but not severely. It is entirely possible that a monster happened to have a celestial bronze weapon that it got from a previous fight.”

Annabeth stared at the map, unconvinced. There was something weird about this.

“With camp starting up again this week, we’ll be able to send out a quest,” Chiron said. “Then we will know more about this, and hopefully be done with it. The gods are growing impatient with our inaction.”

Annabeth frowned. “And of course they can’t do anything about it,” she muttered.

Chiron looked at her reproachingly.

“I didn’t mean that,” she said quickly, then sighed. “So, who are you going to send?”

“Not you, Annabeth,” Chiron said, kindly but firmly. “You know the gods wouldn’t approve of you going, and besides, I need you here.”

“Of course, I didn’t mean me,” Annabeth said. “I was just curious. If this thing can take on minor gods, we need to send someone who can handle it.”

Chiron nodded. “I’ll ask for volunteers and choose from them.” He watched as Annabeth continued to look at the map. “Can I have your word that you’ll focus on getting the camp up and running and not on this?”

Pulled out of her thoughts, Annabeth quickly turned away from the map. “Of course,” and she quickly left the room.

Something about this was nagging at her though. There was something odd about this case.

Back in the Athena cabin, she pulled up the local news for Houston on her laptop. The main story was of a freak wave on the coast – the attack on Tyche. But further down, there was a story about a large, burly man rampaging in a bar before being pulled out into an alley by someone no one saw and disappearing leaving signs of a struggle. The description was how Annabeth imagined mortals would see a minotaur through the Mist.

These two events happened not an hour apart, and Annabeth could not help but wonder if it was the same thing that was involved in both. But she had never heard of monsters attacking each other.

There was only one logical conclusion here, and as Annabeth investigated previous attacks, it became clearer and clearer, but she did not want to think about it.

The attacks on both minor deities and monsters, seemingly indiscriminately. The fact that it never pursued or even attacked demigods. The celestial bronze weapon.

Annabeth closed her laptop and leaned back in her chair and wondered if maybe she was reading too much into it.

The first week of camp was a flurry of activity. Campers arrived, old and new. Annabeth helped to show them around and did not have a lot of time for her own research.

Thalia arrived at the end of the first week. While Annabeth had decided to hold off on college for a year, Thalia had gone last year.

She hugged Annabeth tightly. When she pulled back, she smiled. “How have you been?”

Annabeth’s relationship with Thalia was a bit odd. Although they were now kind of the same age, they had not always been. When they met, Thalia was five years older than Annabeth, but now, due to some magical shenanigans involving a pine tree and the Golden Fleece, they were basically the same age. Nonetheless, Thalia still felt the need to protect her.

“I’m alright,” Annabeth said. “Keeping busy.”

Thalia nodded. “Me too.”

“I actually need your perspective on something. A… research project I’ve been working on.”

Thalia rolled her eyes, smiling, “Of course you would do a research project for fun. I’m forced to do that shit for classes.”

“Don’t swear around the younger campers,” Annabeth said absentmindedly as they headed to the Athena cabin.

In the cabin, campers were unpacking. They all nodded hello as she and Thalia entered. A few stole glances at Thalia in particular. In addition to having once been a tree, she was one of the only two children of the Big Three gods – Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades.

She and Annabeth had also been close to Luke Castellan. Before.

As they approached Annabeth’s bunk, Thalia spotted her bulletin board with a map of the US with the pins of the attacks. Thread connected them in chronological order and cut-out headlines pinned alongside them.

“Wow,” Thalia said. “and I thought you didn’t like conspiracy theories.”

Annabeth frowned. “It’s the attacks,” she lowered her voice so that the other campers could not hear. “They’ve been happening all year, more frequently lately.”

“I’m sure Chiron’s got a handle on it,” Thalia said. “Why do you need me?”

“Chiron thinks it’s a monster and is going to send out a quest to kill it.”

“But you’re not so sure.”

“Exactly.” Annabeth pointed to one of the pins and the headlines pinned near it “April fourth, attack on a group of satyrs in Sacramento. Two days later, an empousa was killed in Concord, which is on the way to San Francisco, where to next attack happened.”

“And monsters don’t generally kill each other. They’re attracted to demigods.” Thalia sighed. “Annabeth, if Chiron thought it was a demigod, don’t you think he’d be handling the situation differently?”

“I didn’t tell him what I thought, because he wouldn’t believe me.”

Thalia studied to board again. “If it was a demigod – and I’m not saying I think it is – why would they be attacking minor gods and satyrs?”

Annabeth raised her eyebrows meaningfully and Thalia sighed again.

“Annabeth, this is why I thought you should go to college too, and not stay cooped up at camp. You need to move on, not try to find a second chance at saving Luke.”

They had not said the name in months, but Annabeth never went a day without thinking about him. “It’s not that –”

“Yes, it is,” Thalia said. “We couldn’t save him and now you think you see someone like him, someone you can try to save.” She put her hands on Annabeth’s shoulders. “We need to let him go.” Annabeth could see the pain in Thalia’s eyes. Luke had meant as much to Thalia as he had to her.

“Chiron’s right,” Thalia said. “It’s just a monster.” She smiled again. “I’ll see you at the campfire.”

When Thalia left the cabin, Annabeth noticed that a lot of her siblings were glancing at her cautiously. She quickly straightened her shoulders and took a breath. She was the head counsellor of the Athena cabin and basically Chiron’s assistant, she had to at least look like she was keeping it together.

She looked back at the board. One thing she hated was feelings clouding judgement. It made plans and conclusions unsound and unreliable. She always tried to approach problems with an unbiased eye. Hadn’t she done that here?

She had not suspected the attack was a demigod until she had looked into it. After that, every new piece of information seemed to fit into place. Nothing else made sense.

Because she had tried other explanations. Whatever Thalia thought, the last thing Annabeth wanted was a demigod attacking gods. She did not want to have t deal with that, much less try to save whoever it was.

If there was one thing Annabeth was confident in, it was her ability to research and come to logical conclusions. She knew she was right.

She just had to convince someone of it.

As the sun started to set, Annabeth made her way across the strawberry fields. At the far end, nestled between some trees, was a small cottage.

She knocked on the door.

“Who is it?” a voice called from inside.

“Grover, it’s me, Annabeth!”

Annabeth heard the various locks click open before the door opened. Grover looked tired, as he always did these days. “Hey, Annabeth.”

She smiled as she stepped inside. “How’ve you been, Grover?”

“I’ve been alright,” he said. “It’s nice to hear all the campers around again. It gets so quiet during the school year.”

The cabin was small, just one room, with a bed in one corner and a couple of lazy chairs in the other. A cabinet of cans stood at the far wall.

Annabeth sank into a chair. “I saw Thalia earlier. Has she been by yet?”

Grover nodded. “Briefly.”

“I’m sure we can all catch up at the campfire tonight,” Annabeth said hopefully.

“Oh, I don’t – I wasn’t planning on going,” Grover said.

Even though she wanted to, Annabeth knew better than to pressure him. “Grover, I need your expertise on something.”

“My expertise?” Grover asked incredulously.

“Yes, as a Searcher.”

“And a great Searcher I was,” Grover muttered.

“Come on, what do we keep saying about the negative self-talk.” Annabeth sighed. “I think I may have found a demigod, but I’m not sure. You have the instincts for this.”

Grover sighed. “Okay, how can I help?”

Annabeth pulled out her laptop and showed him the digitalized version of the bulletin board. It would be more efficient to have it digitalized and not physically, but Annabeth liked to think with her hands.

“These are the monster attacks,” Grover said cautiously.

“Yeah, but not just on gods and nature spirits. I found attacks on monsters that fit into the timeline.”

As Grover surveyed the connecting headlines, Annabeth saw the realization cross his face. He immediately stepped back. “No.”

“What?”

“I am not getting involved in this.”

“Come on, Grover, I just need your help to convince Chiron, so he doesn’t send a quest to kill the person doing this.”

“Annabeth,” Grover said. “This is a demigod attacking minor gods. If the gods got wind of this…? It’s the last thing we need; repairing our reputation is hard enough as it is without there being a demigod fighting gods.” His voice rose to a bleat at the end.

Annabeth put a hand on Grover’s arm. “I know this brings up a lot for you, it does for me too, but maybe we can help this person – it’s just one person.”

“Luke was just one person too, and he led hundreds of demigods against Olympus.”

They were both quiet for a good moment. Annabeth closed her laptop and stood up slowly. “I’ll see you later, then,” she said, smiling softly.

“Yeah,” Grover said, grabbing a can and nibbling it nervously. “Later.”

As Annabeth closed the door behind her, she sighed. She had known that Grover would not be happy to hear it, but at least he did believe her. Maybe with more time, he would back her up to Chiron.

But she didn´t have time. She suspected that Chiron would call for volunteers at the campfire tonight.

Annabeth made her way down to the campfire early that evening, hoping to talk to Chiron before too many campers got there.

Chiron stood talking to a few satyrs who had recently brought in new campers / probably asking if their changes seemed particularly promising. He saw her coming down the earthen steps that doubled as seats around the fire pit and quickly finished his conversation.

“Annabeth,” he said. “I actually wanted to talk to you about the attacks.”

“Don’t worry, I ‘m sending out a quest, they’ll be on their way by morning.”

“But that’s exactly what I’m worried about.” Annabeth took a breath. “I don’t think it’s a monster. I think it’s a demigod.”

“What?”

“I did research – in my free time – that I can show you.” She could see that Chiron was wholly unconvinced. “Grover thinks so too.”

“Grover is hardly a reliable source.” There was an exasperated edge to his voice.

Annabeth huffed. “Grover was one of our best Searchers.”

“Exactly: was. He has not left the camp in over a year and a half! I care about Grover, but I couldn’t be surprised if his instincts have dulled a bit.”

“Come on, Chiron. Surely you see there’s something weird going on.” Annabeth looked at him imploringly, but he did not budge.

“I’m sending out a quest. That’s final.” Chiron turned and made his way to his regular spot on the far end of the fire pit.

Annabeth sighed. This was really not going how she had planned. She had hoped that this summer would be the one everything would go back to normal. The camp had been her home since she was seven and she hated how it had changed.

There were still traces of the battle that had taken place two years ago. Burn marks on buildings that Annabeth had been working to slowly get fixed. New scars on basically every camper. And so many empty bunks. The missing kids were not all reflected on the Wall either.

The Wall of Valor was in the Big House and was engraved with all the names of the demigods who died in battle. But only those fighting for the gods – rebels did not count, so they were left off and did not receive pyre burnings.

Annabeth had tried to argue for their names being included, of course, but had not been successful. She had argued unsuccessfully for a lot of things in the aftermath.

She remembered standing in the throne room of Olympus, the gods and goddesses towering above her. Trying to stand tall, she spoke as loudly and confidently as she could muster. “We request that the gods and goddesses claim their children within a reasonable time – at thirteen or fourteen, for example. Many of the rebels –”

“Traitors,” Hera spat.

“Traitors,” Annabeth amended quickly. “Many of the traitors were unclaimed and felt forgotten and neglected. Claiming them could prevent this from happening again.”

“So, you’re blaming us for this?” Zeus asked.

“No, of course not, Lord Zeus,” Annabeth said. “I’m just saying, there were contributing factors that could be eliminated to lessen the chance of this happening again.”

“This is absurd,” Hera said. “Your camp rises up against us and now you are making demands?”

“Not our whole camp,” Annabeth said, trying to keep her voice calm. “We fought against them – for you.”

“You were a close friend of this Luke fellow, weren’t you?” Demeter asked.

Annabeth turned to her. “Yes, we were close.”

“Why didn’t you stop him?”

She blinked. “I – I didn’t know until it was too late.”

Annabeth pulled herself out of the memory and sat down shakily. It had been a lie. She had known – at least that something was going on.

Other campers had started to filter in, and Annabeth quickly turned Thalia and they sat together. She did not pay much attention as the Hephaestus kids started the fire and the Apollo kids started up the sing-along.

Food was served and Annabeth ate silently, staring into the fire. She could see no way to convince Chiron or anyone of authority. And she could not go to any god with her theory, they would strike the rogue half-blood dead first and ask questions later. Annabeth wanted to help them.

Maybe Thalia was right. Maybe this was just a second chance for her. But that did not mean that it was not true. Whatever her motivations were, she wanted to help.

An old plan from years ago began to reform in her mind. Back before she went on her quest two years ago, she had been very impatient to leave camp. At one point, she had gotten the idea in her head that Chiron would never let her go and that she would have to do it herself. The main tenets of that plan could still work.

Annabeth looked around. If she left tonight, she would have a head start. And besides, she knew about this person’s movements and habits. For one thing, they tended to travel up to New York every couple of months and were due for another visit soon.

Across the fire pit, Chiron rose. “Good evening everyone. I trust you have all had a good week back. A special welcome to all the newcomers. We hope you come to see this place as a home away from home, as many here do.” He smiled warmly. “Now, as I am sure many of you have heard, there have been a large number of monster attacks all over the country over the past year. We believe they are all the work of one creature. These attacks have escalated in recent months and therefore, I am sending out a quest.”

Whispers erupted among the campers and the enchanted flames jumped green and yellow, reflecting their excitement. There had not been any quests last year.

“We do not know what kind of creature this is, so this quest is not for the faint of heart. However, I believe there is a candidate for the job.” Chiron turned to a group of Aphrodite kids. “Olivia Marcelin, daughter of Aphrodite.” He inclined his head slightly to her. “Will you undertake this labour?”

Olivia, petite but muscular, had arrived at camp just before the rebellion. She was thrust into battle situations at fifteen and handled herself well. She was a good fighter, skilled in multiple weapons, and benefitted from being underestimated. Annabeth would have to be smart if she was going to beat her.

Olivia, although first taken off her guard, quickly straightened and smiled. “I would be honoured.”

“And who will you choose as your companions?” Chiron asked.

She looked around. “Adam Flavius.” Her brother, another son of Aphrodite. Unassuming, but had wickedly good aim with throwing knives. “and Sabine Stentz.” No surprise there. Sabine, daughter of Demeter, was Olivia’s girlfriend. Like all children of Demeter, she had power over plants, but she specialized in the art of offensive plants. Annabeth had seen her in action and would hate to have to tangle with her.

“Very well,” Chiron said. “Tonight you will go to the Oracle and prepare, for you leave at first light tomorrow morning.”

“But first,” said Michal – a child of Apollo. “More sing-along.”

As they strummed the opening chords of ‘She’ll Be Coming Round the Mountain,’ Annabeth turned to Thalia. “I think I’m gonna turn in for the night,” she said quietly.

Thalia looked at her with a little suspicion but nodded. “Sleep well.”

Annabeth slipped away quietly. In her cabin, she quickly packed the essentials in her backpack: ambrosia, nectar, change of clothes, a few drachmae, and everything else needed for a last-minute quest. Before she hurried out, she stuffed a pillow and extra blanket under her sheets, so it looked like she was asleep. The longer head start she could get before people noticed she was missing, the better.

Even though it had been a solo plan, Annabeth found herself knocking on Grover’s door.

“What is it?” he asked when he opened the door, looking like he had been sleeping. Then he saw her backpack and the sword that joined her dagger that was normally on her hip. “Whatever you’re doing, I do not want to be involved.”

“Grover, I need your help.”

“I am not going on your redemption quest, especially not if it’s a non-sanctioned one.”

“I have a better chance if you come along, you know that. You can track demigods.”

“I also know that I haven’t left camp since… you know, and I’m out of practice.”

“If we don’t do this, there’s a pretty good chance the demigod will be killed.”

“So what? Maybe it’s better that way.”

“Better that way? Are you hearing yourself?” Annabeth tried not to lose her cool. “This is a demigod who needs our help. Finding and protecting demigods is supposed to be your job, as a Searcher.”

Grover just shook his head.

“Look, I know that you feel like you failed Luke, like what happened was your fault, but that was on all of us, okay? But maybe we can make it right, by helping this person.” She squared her shoulders. “But whether you decide to come or not, I’m going.”

Grover sighed and closed his eyes. “Fine,” he said through gritted teeth.

Annabeth sighed a breath of relief. While she had been ready to go along, she hadn’t like the idea. She hadn’t had to survive along since before she met Luke and Thalia after running away from home.

“I thought you said this wasn’t to make up for what happened to Luke,” said a voice behind her.

Annabeth jumped and spun around to see Thalia standing behind her.

“Thalia, I – we –”

“I can’t let you two dumbasses go along, and you seem pretty hell-bent.” She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Fuck it – we’re all going on this unsanctioned quest – which I still don’t entirely approve of.”

[mamacesawrites]

When One Meets An Angel

Part [1] in An Angel’s Smile Series

“At first I didn’t want to fall in love. But at one point you just smiled at me and here I am.”

Summary: Janus Ethan Dannecker starts college with only a box, backpack, $300, and a ton of emotional baggage that is overwhelming. The broken home he came from cast a shadow on him that he refused to let anyone see. The scars on his body were no match for the scars on his soul. He made it his mission to never let anyone see where he came from. See what he was really made of. See how messed up he would always be. 

That is, until Patton Mavers smiled at him.  Ao3 [Next Part] [Spotify Playlist]

Word Count:  2184

Story Warnings: past abusive childhood, angst, untreated/undiagnosed mental illness symptoms, detailed descriptions of abuse, cursing, implied/referenced substance abuse. Rated M for Mature audiences. Let me know if I need to add more, and read with caution! 

When One Meets An Angel

Janus Ethan Dannecker was not good with honesty. He’d been through a lot of shit since the very beginning of his life. He found it easier to lie about everything because honesty caused harm. Honesty hurts. Exposure had the potential to be abused. It was not something he could risk. Not anymore.

He still felt, though. God, did he feel. So much so that he wished his lies were true. Every “I’m fine,” that fell from his lips so easily were secretly wishes that it would be a reality. Each time he was forced to give a smile he hoped the next one would be genuine. 

For the first day of his new life, he wasn’t dressed for the part. 

Janus was wearing a plain black t-shirt underneath a thick, large yellow-and-black flannel that he got for a bargain at Goodwill. His jeans weren’t purposefully ripped, but they were five dollars. He wore his only beanie-a black piece with red text reading ‘Skyline Titans’. His shoes were new. He splurged to get sturdy combat boots that he hoped would work for his first winter with snow. 

The beanie was comfortable on his brunet hair. It had gotten too long, seeing as he couldn’t afford a haircut. He had struggled to tuck his bangs to fit underneath the hat without it falling off. It was a fight he eventually lost. 

His pace was slow as he walked up to his dorm room for the first time. He watched the students milling about with their families carrying boxes full of remnants from their childhoods. He felt a pang of loneliness as he carried his one box of the bare necessities of life. 

He had his backpack, one box of the absolute necessities, and 300$  to his name to start the beginnings of college. He didn’t have much to bring from his childhood home. Well, if you could call it a home. 

He finally reached his dorm room door. It was open, so he could see into the space he’d call home for at least a year. From where he stood outside the doorway he saw a Green Day poster, a purple blanket with an orange spider pattern, and the shoulder of the person who was most likely his roommate.  

The band poster was a bit too angsty for his tastes, but he’d learn to live with it if his roommate used headphones for his music. The blanket was obviously a comfort item from how worn down it looked. The person who owned the shoulder was laughing, causing the arm to shake. 

Getting a read on someone was not only easy, it was necessary. He’d be stuck with this person for a year. It was his first time living with someone outside of his...family. He would have to create a whole new persona to keep up for a year. Of course, he knew this ahead of time. He didn’t want to be vulnerable because of his past.

Janus didn’t want his negative outlook to overwhelm the person he’d be living with. He needed to gather himself first. He took in a deep breath. He made sure to rearrange his mask enough to be a perfectly polite person on the outside. It should have concerned him how quickly he was able to put it on in a new environment. How easy it was to scream in the mind without making a sound in the world. 

He walked in with a forcefully reserved smile that quickly dropped when he saw there were two other people in the small room. One of them was sitting on what would be his bed. 

The boy on his bed was beautiful. He looked like the human embodiment of a cinnamon roll. His wavy blond hair fell in his face perfectly with a blue streak in the bangs. He wore large, circular glasses that seemed too heavy for his face. He had freckles splattered underneath the frames which spread down his cheeks and up to his temples. The eyes behind the glasses looked like pieces of green jade. They were bright companions to the pink lips that were pulled at the corners in laughter. 

Janus seriously wondered if love at first sight was true; when the love came from the first glimpse of an angel’s smile.

He averted his gaze from the angel to look at the people in the room. There was a tall lad leaning against the desk underneath the window. He had strawberry blond hair, which was a reasonable length on top while being recently shaved along the sides of his head. His grin was also beautiful, but not nearly as beautiful as the one that belonged to the perfect stranger on his bed. He had blue eyes that seemed to be teasing at potential mischief. He looked like the type to have owned a Letterman jacket in high school. Tall, muscular, probably a jock of some sorts.

The third person in his room was definitely his roommate, which was a given with the emo interior Janus had seen so far. His smirk was playful as he looked at the redhead. He had shaggy, shoulder length, purple hair that fell over his eyes enough to cover one of them. His black nose ring flashed in the sunlight coming from the window. He was wearing a black hoodie with sewn purple patches. His eyes were such a dark brown they looked black. He looked like an adult living a seventh grade emo student’s dream. 

Janus would have found him intimidating if it weren’t for the fact that he had dealt with scarier people in his life. 

The laughter had died down when they saw him standing in the middle of the room holding the one large box. They all seemed to notice him at the same time.

“Oh, I’m on your bed. Here, let me get up so you can set your things down.” The angel offered politely. His voice was heavenly. Janus wanted to throw the nerves of the day away to just listen to that voice wash the dirt off of his tarnished soul. Which felt silly, confusing, and terrifying. 

Janus muttered a soft “Thanks” as he tried to control his blush. 

He was rarely caught off guard, and it was a miracle that this surprise was such a pleasant one. He had been expecting his roommate to have parents accompanying him, not two cute boys. This was a deviation from his expectations. 

“I’m Patton!” the angel, named Patton, introduced himself enthusiastically. He offered his hand out swiftly, with that bright smile still on his beautiful face. His blue streaked bangs fell into his eyes. 

“I’m Janus,” he took the hand and barely hid the reaction of sparks shooting up his arm. He was used to burying feelings. Yet these were a struggle to choke down. They were good feelings. Positive reactions to a familiar action. He hoped that he was covering the sound of his rapid heartbeat well enough. 

“Janis, what are you, a middle school librarian?” the redhead giggled out. He covered his mouth quickly when Patton gave him a stern look. 

Janus just smirked. “No, more like a Roman god,” he let his voice drip with sarcasm as he rolled his eyes. It wasn’t his first time being mistaken for ‘Janis’ when introducing himself. 

“Oh, what a coincidence! Janus, this is Roman.” Patton nudged his blushing companion. Janus wondered to himself if he was laying on the cheer thick to embarrass Roman about the insensitive remark. Roman glanced down in embarrassment.

“Nice to meet you, Roman.” Janus replied amicably. He reached his hand out to shake, hoping to communicate that all was well. He didn’t have any intent to hold resentment between himself and someone else on his first day.

Roman shook his hand and nodded to the black clad lad who was rolling his eyes at the interaction that had just happened in front of him. Roman let go and gestured dramatically at the boy. “And that little Emo Nightmare is Virgil!” 

“‘Sup,” Virgil saluted lazily with two of his fingers. Janus saluted back with a tight grin. 

Janus turned to his backpack to start unpacking. He had expected the three to continue the conversation they were having before he interrupted with his arrival. However, a warm hand reached out in front of him. He jumped at the sudden movement. 

“Sorry,” Patton took his hand away. He made his tone extra warm, “I was just going to offer to help you unpack, since we’re already helping out Virgil.” The freckles on his face nearly disappeared as his face flushed red with embarrassment. 

“No, thank you,” Janus replied politely, though his voice was gruff from his tightened throat. He forced himself to plaster on a smile. “I’m fine.” 

It felt wrong to lie to an angel. However the words had already left his mouth out of habit. 

Patton shrugged, then glanced at the other two boys in the room. “Hey Roman, you wanna work with Virgil while I work with Janus?” 

Janus held back a pleased gasp when his name was uttered by those pink lips, in that soft voice, in the small room that was his new home. He let some of his surprise leak through as Patton insisted on helping him out. He couldn’t form a reply so he watched as the angel got started. 

He was grateful for the help; especially if it meant more attention from the angel. The two of them worked together as they put away the small amount of things Janus brought with him. They finished before Virgil and Roman had, though that had less to do with Janus not having much to unpack, and more to do with Virgil interrupting Roman with nuzzles along his neck. 

Janus grimaced. It was slightly uncomfortable to be witness to such pure, light energy. He hadn’t seen this much positivity since...ever, really. Public displays of affection always sat wrong within him. Perhaps it was because he knew he would never feel that feeling. Nevertheless, it was pretty hard for him to keep his composure with the happy giggles coming from the couple.

Patton seemed to have read his face well, because he clapped his hands to grab everyone’s attention. “Alrighty then, boys, I think we worked out plenty of what we needed to get done today. Whaddya all say to going out to dinner? My treat.” 

Roman didn’t hesitate. “I’ll go to our room and grab our jackets!” He ran out the room with a haste that reminded Janus of an excited puppy. 

Virgil smiled at his boyfriend’s retreating form. “You know, he may be annoying, but he’s also pretty cute when he’s excited.” 

Janus fiddled with the covers of his bed while he sat. He didn’t want to intrude on their time together. Having someone pay for his dinner felt wrong. He didn’t really deserve it. Plus, he hadn’t planned on eating dinner at all that night. Food was a privilege that he didn’t deserve more of after his breakfast that morning. Well, that was what he would have been told if he had still been living at home. 

Patton grinned at him when he didn’t speak up. “You gonna join us, Jan? I’ll cover you too if need be.” He sounded so genuine in his offer. 

How could he say no to that face? “I’d love to,” he replied honestly. He couldn’t hide his blush at the response he uttered quickly. What was he doing? 

“Awesome! I’m going to go to my room to make sure Roman doesn’t get too ahead of us,” Patton shook his head playfully. “Virgil, make sure to bring Jan. We’re gonna head to Leo’s.” 

“Damn, Pat, you win the lottery or something?” Virgil asked with wide eyes. Janus grasped from the context that this place was expensive. His stomach fell at that notion.

He really didn’t want to go if he would cost too much money. He started to make plans in his head about looking for the least expensive item to order, or maybe just getting water and making an excuse for not being hungry. Were they offering to be polite, hoping he’d say no? He did well to hide his rapidly increasing guilt while he watched the two friends talk.

Patton giggled. “I wish,” he winked, “No, I just saved a bit of extra money for our first night at college.” Patton waved at both of the boys as he left. 

Virgil stood up with a groan. “Knowing Roman, he’s probably bouncing excitedly and I’ll get bombarded with a million texts at once asking why we're taking so long” He chuckled, then noticed that his roommate was still sitting. “You gonna get ready, roomie?” 

Janus bit his lip. “I dunno, if it’s too expensive I don’t want to intrude.” 

Virgil barked out a laugh. “Don’t worry about that, I was teasing Pat. He’s good to cover you.” 

“Okay, well, I guess I’ll grab my coat.” Janus forced a relaxed grin on his face while inside his mind the anxious screaming grew louder.

-

-

-

-

Let me know if you want to be on the taglist for this  or any of my other stories!

[theonewiththefanfics]

The Fight Of Our Lives (one-shot)

Summary: Thanos might have succeeded, and not only erased half the universe, but hope in general. But humans are stubborn little bitches. And so are the Avengers. No matter if dead or not, the fight of their lives is coming and nothing will stop them from righting the wrong. (AKA this is me trying to cope with Endgame.) 

Pairing: Peter Parker x f!Reader 

but is very much so Avengers x f!Reader; Platonic!Steve x f!Reader; Dad!Tony x f!Reader; Platonic!Loki x f!Reader as well

Genre: angst, fluff

Warnings: mentions of death, blood, swearing, injuries

Word count: 10074 (THIS IS THE LONGEST FIC I’VE EVER WRITTEN, HOLY SHIT!!! STRAP IN< GUYS)

       When the snap happened, everyone was in a state of shock. Even Thanos himself didn’t necessarily understand he had succeeded, glazed eyes watching the gauntlet and his surroundings. Only when Thor backed away did he realize his goal was accomplished, so he used the Space Stone to disappear in an instant.        Y/N’s head turned to the side, eyes on Steve clutching his abdomen and looking at Thor with inexplicable fear. “Where’d he go? Thor… where’d he go?        “Steve?” Bucky’s voice cut through the buzzing in her head, but maybe she shouldn’t have glanced at the other super soldier. Maybe then he wouldn’t have turned to ash and been swept away by the winds.       People all around her either felt their hearts drop to the soles of their feet or their bodies disintegrated, and when numbness spread through Y/N’s toes, she knew what was going to happen.        “Steve.” His attention was immediately on her.        “Oh, no, not you too,” the Captain was already rushing to her side, but his hands wrapped around a non-existent middle.        “Tell my dad, I’m sorry.”        Steve was left with nothing but an empty feeling in his stomach and an even emptier field. “Oh, God.”        They had lost.

***

       Steve had always been a good leader. He was Captain America, the man with the plan, always ready to jump into action and give out orders while following his own like the good soldier he was, but for the first time since he could remember himself, he didn’t know what to do. The reflection staring back at him as the remnants of his beard were washed away down the drain was unfamiliar.        This was a man completely lost, let alone out of his time. What was worse, he didn’t know where Tony was. If he was alive. The thought gnawed at him, eating at his brain day and night for almost a month now.        He sighed deeply, letting the air enter his lungs, holding it for a second before exhaling. With a clank against the sink, he let the razor fall out of his hands. Taking the towel that was on the counter, he observed his own features in the mirror.    Steve was more than a hundred years old, yet he looked barely thirty, and despite how tired he was, mentally and physically, his counterpart looked ready to fight, if not for the exhausted look in his eyes… the eyes that were shaking.        Steve’s brow furrowed when he saw the smaller mirror to his left start moving as well. A hand went to steady it, but then his razor rattled and fell into the sink, as the whole building started to tremble.        Nat, Rhodey and Pepper were already rushing outside when he joined the three. What he saw in the courtyard made his knees almost buckle from relief. He didn’t care about the strange glowing woman that placed a space ship on the grass, he didn’t care about Rocket moving forward with them. All he cared about was getting to the two people stepping down from the stairs.        When Steve’s arms wrapped around Tony’s shoulders, he could feel just how much skinnier the genius was, how malnourished and dehydrated he must be, but all that was a secondary thought to the one blaring in his mind – Tony was alive and on Earth.        “I couldn’t stop him,” were his first words to Steve, voice laced with pain and guilt.        Steve’s eyes dropped to the ground before flitting back up. He realized what he would have to inform him of, and he wished Thanos’s snap had also taken him. “Neither could I.”        “I-“ Tony started, unable to find the words before gulping and getting them out, solidifying them as truth. “I lost the kid.”        Fuck.        “Tony, we lost.”        We lost so much…        “Is umm,” he struggled for a second, not wanting to ask, terrified of the answer, but he didn’t even have to. Pepper was right there pulling him in her embrace, a choked back ‘oh my God’ escaping her before both hid their faces in the crook of their loved one’s neck.        “It’s okay,” Tony muttered, pressing a kiss to the soft skin of her collarbone. If only for a second, it was okay.        He slowly limped back inside the compound, heavily resting against Pepper and Steve for support.        Everything was pretty much the same way he’d left it in Rohdey’s care as he and Pep had gone to New York on a business trip before the whole Thanos showdown happened. Apart from the giant hologram pulling up each and every face of the people that had been dusted or were unaccounted for. With every word that Nat explained what was happening Tony felt more and more hollow. Until Peter’s face went up in the air. That took the last breath out of Iron man.        “Where is he now?” he asked, rubbing at his goatee referring to Thanos, “where?”        “We don’t know,” came Steve’s solemn response.        “He just,” Rhodey shook his head, “opened a portal and walked through.”        It was a lot to process. The same way he had disappeared from Titan with the Time Stone on the gauntlet was the same way he’d vanished from Earth after completing his insane task. As he looked behind him to where Thor was sulking, it turned out the god had had a chance at taking Thanos out. But revenge came with a cost.        When Steve said Tony had fought the Mad Titan it seemed like the most ridiculous thing ever.        “Who told you that? I didn’t fight him,” Tony pointed at himself. “No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the Stone. That’s what happened. There was no fight.”        The cruellest thing was that they’d almost had the glove, but in the blink of an eye, it was lost once more. All that effort, and here they were – broken and beaten to a pulp.        But Steve didn’t seem to give up. “Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?”        Even in Tony’s nightmares, it was never this bad. He surveyed the room, the people he used to call family now with gaps in it, his new acquired Blue Meanie friend and the stranger that had saved them from aimlessly floating through space, but then it hit him.        “Where’s Y/N?”        Nobody dared to meet his gaze, but when Pepper squeezed his hand tighter, he didn’t need words to confirm his worst fear.        “Rogers,” he seethed, “where is my daughter?”        Steve’s chest rattled as he exhaled. “Tony, I’m sorry.” Unshed tears glistened in the Captain’s eyes. He was ready for an outburst, for him to stand up and pummel him to the ground, but he didn’t. Instead, Tony just turned his head to the side, looking into Pepper’s eyes where tears had been streaking down her cheeks ever since he’d returned. He clenched his jaw and nodded.        “The one thing I asked of you after you broke the Avengers apart was to look out for her. Look out for my daughter, keep her safe, do not bring her into this mess,” Tony was fuming and with good reason. “It was a simple thing, Rogers,” he sneered, “so no, I got nothing for you, Cap! I got no coordinates, no clues, no plan, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust,” Steve could feel each word cut through him like a knife, but the last word sliced his heart completely in half, “Liar.”        Then Tony did something no one expected. “Here, take this,” he ripped off his arc reactor and slammed it in Steve’s hand. “You find him,” he pointed at the blond, “and you put that on. You hide.”        He was just about to start apologizing when Tony’s legs suddenly gave out from underneath him, and he collapsed onto the floor.        “I’m fine,” the genius waved everyone off like usual, “I’m…” but he didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he was enveloped by darkness.        Everyone was already up and acting, Bruce setting up a makeshift hospital room, Steve taking Tony in his arms and rushing him to the bed, Pepper following everyone behind, so there was not even a second more she’d be separated from Tony. Never again.        It took everyone a couple of minutes to regroup but Rhodey finally came to inform them of Tony's status. “Bruce gave him a sedative. He’s gonna be out for the rest of the day.”    The Avengers nodded in relief. It was a small victory to have him back. It was something. So often they were used to loses and casualties, but this time, it was already way too much, and one more would just break whatever was left to break.        Rhodey dragged a hand down his face as the holographic monitor showing who was missing flashed, and Y/N’s face now stared back at him.        “God, fucking damn it,” he muttered, wiping tears away. His best friend’s kid. His goddaughter. His family.        When she had strolled in the compound walking in front of Steve and the rest of ‘Rogue Avengers’, he was ready to clock her in the jaw, knowing she would never back out of a fight. Too much of her father’s genes were in her.        “You know he’s going to kill me,” he groaned as Y/N smirked before pulling him in a tight hug.        “Not if you don’t say anything,” she mumbled in his chest.        All guilt aside, Y/N had been most likely their best chance at winning, excluding Wanda. She was probably the strongest Avenger in the group. Rhodey remembered with fear the time Tony had been kidnapped, and how ballistic the seven-year-old girl had gone seeing the ransom video the terrorists had sent.        She wasn’t supposed to know, but Y/N was a master at sneaking around the house, and as Pepper and Rhodey watched, she had caught a glimpse of her father. Let’s just say the whole of California experienced some strong seismic activity as her powers rippled out of her.        God, and the other one? Peter? He was gone as well. In a way there was a silver lining to it all – both of the teenagers being gone meant neither could do impulsive and rash decisions. After all, the two were in love, and Rhodey was one hundred percent sure they’d go to the ends of Earth and bring down the sky if it meant getting the other one back.        “You guys take care of him,” Carol’s voice brought everyone back to the present. It seemed like Y/N’s face on the screen had shaken them all up. “And I’ll bring Xorrian Elixir when I come back.”        “Where are you going?” she couldn’t be leaving them now. Not at a moment like this.        “To kill Thanos.”        People were up and rushing after the woman in a split second.            Nat was the first one to reach her, a strong grip on Carol’s bicep pulling her back to face them. “You know, we usually work as a team around here, and between you and I, we’re also a little fragile.” That was an understatement, but the fight was not over. Not for them. “We realize this is more your territory, but this is our fight too.”        On the outside, Natasha was acting like a leader, similarly as she always did by either Tony’s or Steve’s side, but on the inside, she was that broken little girl thrown into a single bedroom with a bare mattress and pillow, told she’d become the nation’s greatest weapon at the tender age of six.        Build-A-Bear was the first one to ask the real questions. “Do you even know where he is?”        Carol shrugged. “I know people who might.”        “Don’t bother,” Nebula interrupted. The whole time apart from when Tony was rushed to the hospital room, she’d stood to the side and watched. “I can tell you where Thanos is.”        The hologram was up and running again, only this time displaying the map of the universe provided by the ship log from the Milano.        “Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. Then when he worked, he talked about his great plan. Even disassembled, I wanted to please him,” there was such venom in her tone towards her past-self, even Rocket flinched. “I’d ask “where would we go once his plan was complete?” His answer was always the same: to the Garden.”

***

       The next thing Y/N knew was jovial cheering, loud laughing and warm golden lights encasing her instead of the burning plains of Wakanda.        “S-Steve?” she muttered turning around, surveying the grand ceiling and golden ornaments of the walls. “Nat?”        A large mass bumped against her back, and Y/N stumbled out of the way to let a burly looking man trudge past. “ ‘M Lady, my apologies,” he slurred, bowing a bit and then continuing on his merry way.        That’s when everything came rushing back – the fight against the Outriders, and how she took down Proxima Midnight with Wanda, the subsequent arrival of Thanos, and the snap.        “He did it,” Y/N whispered to no one but herself. “He actually did it.”        Instantly her head was high and searching the crowd which seemed to be dressed in some sort of medieval clothing, but that didn’t mean anything to her.        “Dad!” she bellowed as much as she could. “Peter!”        Please not them, please not them, please not them, Y/N chanted in her head as she squeezed between the crowd of people. From the corner of her eye, she saw an archway, beautiful green wines wrapped around the intricate marble, and that’s where she ran to – away from the people in what seemed like a garden outside, and into the building.        She was hit by a wave of warmth and even louder chatter than before. Almost never-ending rows of tables lined the inside of the hall and benches full of people she didn’t recognize. Nothing was familiar to her apart from a certain raven-haired man sitting at the very far end of the room, a beautiful woman with hair of gold right next to him.        “You!” Y/N shouted pointing at Loki. “You! I know you! Loki!”        But he didn’t hear it over how loud everyone was being, so in a true Stark fashion, she jumped on one of the tables, drawing all the attention to herself and thundered a ‘Yo, Reindeer Games!’        For a moment there, the god of mischief was stunned and left speechless. He was never speechless, but when the daughter of Tony Stark calls your name, it might have that kind of effect. As it did on the rest of the people.        Instantly he jumped over the table and ran to where Y/N was standing on the counter.        “How are you here?” he was completely breathless. The last time they’d met, he was not the Loki everyone knew now, but he’d never had any particular distaste towards the younger Stark. In fact, he’d kind of admired how the teenager was actually a useful addition during the battle of New York.        “First of all, where is here?” she motioned around the room, finally stepping off the table and out of someone’s plate. “Sorry,” she muttered to the man, but he only shrugged.      “Second of all, what’s going on? And third of all, where is my dad?”        “You’re in Valhalla.”        “Val-what now?”        “Valhalla. It’s where the fallen warriors of Asgard get to rest once their battle is done.”        “But,” she stuttered blinking rapidly as if that would wash away the scene before her eyes, “but I’m not of Asgard. I’m plain human. Midgardian. Earthling. You know, an ant to your… boot.”        Loki was just about to answer, he himself unable to understand how Y/N was in Valhalla when basically the most gorgeous woman she’d ever seen in her life approached the two. The same one that had been sitting to Loki's left.        “We’ve been waiting for your arrival, Lady Stark.”        “What now?” the question was softer than the flap of a butterfly’s wings, but the goddess, who as far as Y/N could recall her basic Norse mythology knowledge, was Frigga, had already turned to face her son.       “My love,” she smiled placing her hand on his cheek, and Loki practically melted in his mother’s touch. “You did a brave thing. You’ve always been brave and good, despite what has happened. But it’s time to be brave and good one more time.”        “Thanos won,” Y/N exasperated eyes flipping between the goddess and her son. “There is no fight. He snapped his fingers and did what he said he would.”        “Sweet child, I was raised by witches,” Frigga smiled softly at the girl. Usually, she’d sneer towards anyone that regarded her in such a way, but there was nothing condescending in her tone. “I see more than what meets the eye. It has been five years, and a battle is brewing. Your family will need each and everyone ready to help.”        “Five what now?” Y/N breathed out. “But I’ve been here barely a few minutes.”        “Time moves differently here,” Frigga placed a soothing palm on her cheek. “A decade on Earth is simply an intake of breath here. But there is no more time to lose.”        Loki’s green eyes widened as his eyebrows furrowed. “Mother, am I thinking right that you’re implying we should join the fight?”        “You were always the quick one when things needed to be figured out.”        “But… no one has ever returned from Valhalla. No one has ever come back from the… dead.”        “That’s because up until now, she,” Frigga gave Y/N a pointed look, “was on Earth.”        “Me? What the fuck does this have to do with me?” Sure, had the circumstances been different she’d be horrified by the language she’d used in front of an Asgardian royal, let alone a goddess, but frankly, Y/N was just about done with mystical mumbo jumbo and just wanted to get back home where she could watch cheesy B-rate horror movies with her dad while cuddling up next to Peter.        “No one can enter the halls of Valhalla apart from Asgardians.”        Y/N was pointing at Loki in no time. “He’s not one.”        “He was raised as one.”        “Well but I wasn’t. Human as a human can be,” Y/N placed her hands on her hips.        “But you have Asgardian blood in you.”        That made Y/N pause. There really was no other explanation as to how she could be in Valhalla. Sure, there was that time when aliens had kidnapped her from her own backyard after the whole Ultron thing went down, and she was rolling with the Guardians for a brief second before demanding to be put back on Earth cause that’s where her home was, but even her space travels were a sounder explanation as to everything going on rather than her being part of the race from Norse mythology.        “You never mentioned it,” Loki glanced at Y/N whose eye roll was the best she’d ever given to anyone.        “Because not knowing who my biological mother is, was the first thing, I wanted to talk about with the dude trying to invade Earth. Besides, Thor was of Asgard, and you continuously stabbed him. I kinda think it was in my favour not to, despite not even knowing it.”        Loki’s lips were pressed together in a thin line, but Y/N could see how he was trying to hold off a smile. “Well, maybe you’re half-Asgardian, but without a doubt, you’re a Stark.”        “You say I’m the key to getting us out of here,” Y/N was starting to get impatient. “How?”        “Your powers are deeply connected to your emotions as they are to the universe and every element swirling around us.”        Tentatively Y/N nodded, and Frigga whispered for her to close her eyes.     “Concentrate on your heart, your soul. Each stone represents a part of the universe. Let your powers go, let them roam the realms until they grasp at the source that calls for them.”        It sounded absolutely bonkers as the goddess coached Y/N on what to do, but she imagined her abilities like silvery tentacles that had a string wrapped around her heart, but the others were left free to slither their way through the galaxies and dimensions until the pull suddenly stopped, and she had a clear anchor to something.        “My Queen,” a woman with long onyx hair approached the trio. She was wearing a light grey uniform and a blue cape adorned her back, a glimmering silver sword hung by her side. “We heard what has happened, and who has come to pillage the universe. The Valkyries, if you’d allow it, would be more than honoured to fight beside our Prince and everyone else defending the world.”        Frigga just inclined her head, quickly glancing at Odin who up until that point had been sitting in his chair.        “You need to figure this out quicker,” Y/N groaned, stumbling a bit, but Loki was there to catch her. “I’m not gonna be able to keep at it for much longer.”        And then it was like a second breath had been given her. She felt her blood thrum with power as Odin, the Allfather, used every bit of Dark Magic he could summon and directed it towards Y/N.        Inch by inch Y/N grabbed onto the thread and pulled herself towards where the stones were calling. It took all of her concentration and attention to do so, but with every passing moment, she could feel them closer.        With a final tug at the tether, she extended her arms to her sides and opened up a portal, eyes glowing pure white, and teeth bared to the world. Like a lioness ready to attack, Y/N stepped out onto a battlefield.        But they weren’t alone. All around them she saw glowing orange circles where tens of thousands of warriors emerged. And it wasn’t just humans. She saw Skrulls, who she’d met while with the Guardians, the Asgardians that had been brought to Earth by Thor, and so many other creatures with different shapes and forms ready to fight Thanos. He hadn’t just angered Earth. He’d angered the whole fucking universe.        “Avengers!” Steve roared a hand extended forward, and Mjolnir flew right into his open palm.        I fucking knew it, Y/N smirked.        “Assemble.”        It took everything in her to keep that portal open. Not only that, as a scream tore her throat apart much like she was doing with time and space, Y/N put her whole being in it and expanded the gateway, the Valkyries rushing out in a majestic formation.        Thor’s scream of joy was something like an adrenaline rush, giving her more motivation.        “Just so you know,” Loki said unsheathing his dagger and letting his seidr envelop his left arm, “this boot," he motioned towards himself, "has no quarrel with this ant," he pointed at her.        “Good,” Y/N gritted, closing off the portal once she knew everyone was out. For a split second when she turned to look behind her, she saw Frigga’s smiling face. Whatever happened, she’d be there to welcome her warriors home. “But this ant,” Y/N motioned at herself with her thumb, “has a major quarrel… with that ugly ass boot.”        “Seems like a whole universe of ants does.”        That was enough of a signal for her to join the battle. Lifting herself off the ground, she rushed up to meet a Leviathan before taking it down like it was nothing. Bits of Odin’s magic were still there, and she was not about to waste them.        But no matter how many troops she took down, more seemed to take their place. It was like Thanos had a never-ending supply of them.        “Cap, what do you want me to do with this damn thing?” Y/N heard Clint as he sprinted by her, and she lifted up a horde of oncoming aliens freeing his path.        “Get those stones as far away as possible!” Steve’s voice was loud and clear in the comms, giving everyone the non-verbal order – protect whoever is carrying the gauntlet, and don’t let Thanos get to them.    “No!” Bruce, who Y/N only just now noticed was a morph of the Hulk and Bruce, countered back. “We need to get them back where they came from.”        “No way to get them back,” Clint grunted as he evaded a few aliens and resumed his mad dash. “Thanos destroyed the quantum tunnel.”        “Hold on!” a voice Y/N hadn’t heard in a while invaded the system, and she had to grin. She’d always liked Giant Man. “That wasn’t our only time machine.”        An obnoxiously loud car horn beeped across the battlefield, making everyone’s heads whip to the side as Steve rushed up a hillside.        “Anyone see an ugly brown van up there?”        “Yes,” exclaimed Brunhilde from high up above leading the storm of Valkyries against the Leviathans, “but you’re not gonna like where it’s parked.”        “Cap!” Y/N got his attention, taking everyone’s, who hadn’t seen her arrival, breath away. Including Steve’s. “Get that thing started, we’ll hold them back,” she motioned with her chin towards Loki, whose seidr glowed a brighter jade just at her words.        “Scott, how long do you need to get that thing working?”        “Maybe ten minutes,” came his rushed reply, as he heaved a few breaths in a moment of pause.        “Get it started. We’ll get the stones to you.”        When Frigga had said a battle was brewing, Y/N did not expect it to take the violent form of hot potato, but as Clint, and then T’Challa approached the van, her powers slowly depleted.        A moment of carelessness, and she was thrown away by the huge paw of a beast. It was just about to stamp on her when the bright beam of a repulsor created a hole in its chest. Y/N barely got time to roll out of the way of the corpse, before it thudded like a sack of bricks.        “Dad?” the word cracked in the middle, but Tony couldn’t move, as his daughter, the one he lost half a decade ago, was finally in front of him. After years of hopelessness, that was only regained a bit when Morgan was born, his family was finally whole again.        “Baby girl?”        That’s when Y/N threw all caution to the wind. She didn’t care about the battle, the screams and roars; all that mattered were her father’s arms tightly woven around her body, keeping her close to his chest – safe and sound in his embrace.        “I’m so sorry, dad,” she wailed in his arms. “I’m so sorry I put you through that.”        But Tony just shook his head, pulling back and pressing their foreheads together. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re here... right here, and that’s what’s important.”        Both of them nodded in unison, either at Tony’s words or just to reassure them the other was real. It was a tiny moment of peace before the sound of someone loudly yelling ‘Oh My God!’ brought them back to the fight.        “Where’s the gauntlet?”        “Last I heard Peter had it.”        “Peter?” his name was a breathless whisper of hope. He was there. They both were.        Tony nodded, gripping her bicep a bit tighter before letting go. “Keep him safe.”        And with that both Starks separated destroying Thanos’s army bit by bit while desperately trying to find where the stones were.        She was in the middle of battling against Ebony Maw, her powers ripping his heart apart from the inside out when the scarlet swirls of Wanda’s magic got her attention.        “Rain fire!” Thanos grunted, and instantly Y/N whipped her head around where Wanda was pulling the Titan apart atom by atom.        There was some sort of an answer that came from a troop she couldn’t hear, but when Thanos exclaimed ‘Just do it!’ she knew shit was about to get even more real than it already was.        From high up above, Thanos’s ships aimed their blasters towards the ground and unleashed hell upon Earth. Wanda was thrown back, and that made her release the hold she had on the madman. Without a second to spare, the wizards created shields with their powers but people who were not under their protection were still getting obliterated until Y/N extended both palms upward and imagined a layer that separated her from the beams.        Taking a deep breath, she felt sweat trickle down her forehead, and then she lifted the layer. Slowly but surely, she lifted it higher and higher, a shout of strain enveloping her in the process as she reversed the blasts and made them fly back to the ship. But that didn’t stop the oncoming array of attacks.        Y/N didn’t have unlimited power. Opening the portal from Valhalla had taken out most of it, and holding off another assault didn’t seem that likely. As she stared at the guns above, the girl readied herself to take the onslaught when they suddenly turned to the sky and started firing there.        No one could see anything through the plumes of smoke and ash apart from a quickly approaching ball of light, that in a matter of seconds shot through Thanos’s ship, rendering it useless, and making it crash in the nearby lake.        “Y-Y/N?”        Her heart had never stuttered so much as it did when Y/N heard that voice. She was frozen in place, unable to move or even blink. Her hands trembled in fear. Maybe this wasn’t real, maybe he wasn’t there in front of her, and all of that was something her mind was making up because Peter wasn’t actually back, but when she turned around she saw him holding onto the gauntlet as if it was his last lifeline hiding in the dirt behind a broken cement block.        “You’re bleeding,” was her first remark as she looked him over head to toe. His lip was split, and there was a gash on his forehead, but other than that and probably some major bruising underneath the suit, he looked fine. Well, at least he was in one piece.        A sob like chuckle escaped the brown-eyed boy, and she didn’t even get a second to brace herself before his arms were wrapped around her, and pulling her in his body.        “We should’ve stayed on the bus,” he cried, but a smile played on his face.        “Tell me about it,” her chest quivered as did her lips before she smoothed back his hair. “Dad’s so pissed about it.”        “More pissed than when he walked in on us making out the first time?”        “Yeah,” Y/N let out a genuine laugh, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. “I think so.”        “Yes,” Tony’s voice invaded their moment as it cut through the comms. “I most definitely am, but we need to get the stones to the van before nut sack over there gets to them, so you might want to leave it for later.”        “You got something for me?” Carol motioned with her eyebrow at Peter, eyes flipping to the gauntlet. Safely, Y/N took it out from his grasp and handed it to the woman.        “I don’t know how you’re gonna get through all that,” his eyes roamed the oncoming army, a hand instinctively going to wrap around Y/N’s waist. He’d let go of her once before, he was not going to make that same mistake ever again.        “Don’t worry,” Wanda floated from above and settled herself behind Carol, eyes blazing red.        “She’s got help,” and the sight behind and in front of the two teenagers was the most marvellous one they’d ever seen and would ever see. Each and every heroine stood against Thanos’s army while the Valkyries made up the back, their winged mares neighing, swords high up in the air as a battle cry ripped through their throats.        “I uh got this chemistry test coming up. By any chance, anyone of you could help me with that?”        “Seriously?” Y/N snorted looking at her boyfriend. “We were dead just a few minutes ago and are fighting the biggest army in the universe. And you’re thinking about chemistry?”        “I just… I’d rather focus on anything but what’s in front of us.”        “We can think about chem and calculus and English after all this is done, I promise,” and for the first time in what seemed like forever, she was able to kiss Peter again. If it hadn’t been for the impending oncoming of the enemy, she’d sag into his hold and never let him go.        “But first – we beat the shit out of them. And that one’s mine,” Y/N sneered looking directly into the eyes of Proxima Midnight. She had been the one that had almost killed Nat and Wanda in front of her eyes. It was payback. If only for the fact that Nat was not there. She didn’t need verbal confirmation to know that her redheaded assassin wouldn’t show up. Everything had a price, and so did the fight for survival, but they’d be damned if they didn’t make her proud.        It was a terrifyingly glorious sight to see as the women stood between Thanos and the gauntlet; it was clutched safely in Carol’s arms as she flew through the enemy using her photon blasts to disintegrate them. Though not everything could go as smoothly as it had been.        Right as Scott powered up the time machine in the back of the van, Carol aiming straight for the dead centre of it, in one last attempt, Thanos threw his double-edged sword, and everyone was knocked back with the explosion, Carol’s grip loosening and letting go of the stones.        That’s when complete panic ensued. They couldn’t go through this again. He’d made it clear - this time it would be personal, and not half the universe but the whole fucking thing would be wiped out.        One by one the closest people to the gauntlet rushed to grab it, but even through that, Thanos was able to put it on. He would’ve snapped his fingers if not for Carol grabbing onto his palm and bending his fingers backwards with her bare hands, pure rage lighting up her eyes. Y/N scrambled towards them ready to knock Thanos down when she saw him remove the Power stone, blast Carol away from it. Then her father charged at the Titan.        A desperate grab at his hand, Tony’s horrified face, a punch to his side and shake, and Thanos was free as Y/N’s dad laid on the ground, struggling to get up. At that moment she didn’t even care for the stones, as she witnessed her father in pain. But then she caught the glimpse of a green glimmer.        “I am…” Thanos smirked putting his middle finger against his thumb, “inevitable.”        But when he clinked nothing happened. Just as Y/N expected.        “And I…” she ran towards her dad, “am,” one more step, one more step, “Iron Man.”    Dad’s so gonna kill me was the last thing Y/N thought before he snapped his fingers, and she grabbed onto his shoulder letting the power of the Infinity Stones course through her body alleviating the strain on Tony.        She’d never felt this kind of pain and euphoria at the same time. Y/N was invincible, unstoppable, a goddess in her own right but at the same time, her heart was just about to give out when she saw the enemy horde, one by one and then at a more rapid pace succumb to the same fate she had five years ago.        With a gasp she found herself approaching the edge of not coming back when someone called her and Tony’s names.        “Friday,” Pepper’s voice sounded like a dimming filter had been placed over it with a tinge of a beeping noise added to it. “Release the right arm.”        On command, Tony’s suit detached from the whole, and the part with the stones dropped to the ground, making Y/N’s hold let go as well.        The two Stark’s crumpled to the ground, panting and trying to get as much oxygen in their lungs as possible, as they crawled a bit to the side where they could lean against the remains of the compound.        “You are so grounded, you hear me?” Tony rasped bringing his daughter close to him, and holding Y/N’s head tightly against his chest. “Forever. You’re never leaving the house or ever thinking about it.”        “So that means we can watch movies all day every day for the rest of our lives?”        “If that means you staying safe, I’ll chain us to the movie room.”        And in the midst of all that rubble and sweat and blood, Y/N and Tony finally pulled in breaths of relief.        “How did you know it would work?”        “I uh, remember that time when aliens sorta kinda kidnapped me?”        “How can I forget the worst moments of my life… up until that point.”        “Well, I and the Guardians did that. It worked then, so I assumed it would work again.”        A beat passed with Tony’s face completely expressionless before engulfing Y/N in an even tighter hug. “I’ll kill Peter, I swear I’ll kill that braindead-knockoff-Kevin Bacon.”        “Not before I kill you both,” Pepper’s arms were instantly around her family as if she was shielding them from the rest of the world. “God, I hate being a Stark.”        They released a collective chuckle and tightened their hold on one another. “Also, that time when those aliens kidnapped me?”        “Yeah?” Tony sniffled.        “Turns out that's not really true. I uh can teleport."    "You what?"    Y/N rolled her eyes. "My powers come from somewhere, and it turns out you hooked up with an Asgardian. I now remember that night we had a huge fight, and I wished I’d be with mom instead of you... I guess they decided to show up then cause the next thing I knew, I was shooting through this weird rainbow beam, and ended up crashing on a weird spaceship. Thought I'd been abducted when instead, I had just run away from home.”        Surprisingly enough, both Pepper and her dad laughed. “Really Tony?” the redhead asked him. “So human women weren’t’ enough, had to go for the extraterrestrial ones as well?”        “What can I say,” he let her wipe away a tear that slid down his face before resting his head against Y/N’s. “I have impeccable taste. Just look at who I married.”        “Y-You got married?” she was stunned beyond belief. That’s when it truly kicked in that it had been five years. Five years they’d lived without her, and had created a life she didn’t know anymore where she fit in.        “Yeah,” Tony nodded, squeezing Y/N’s hand in reassurance. “You uh you also have a little sister.”        Wave after wave after wave of emotions rampaged her body and mind. First, it was hurt they’d do that, that they’d try and move and replace her, then it was confusion as to what was her part in this whole equation now, and then it was relief and joy. She still had her family, and no matter what had happened, Y/N was happy they’d tried to make some sort of a life even after Thanos. It had been the exact thing they’d fought for.        “Guess I can officially call you mom then, huh?” she looked at Pepper through a teary gaze. The feeling when she wrapped her arms around her was nothing short of coming home.        “You’ve always been my daughter,” she whispered in Y/N’s hair. “Always.”        “I love you 3000,” Y/N whispered back.        That set her off into an absolute fit of giggles, as she shook her head, and brought her in for another embrace. “This time, you’re in the low six to nine hundreds, Tony.”        “What?” Y/N asked, looking at her dad, confusion written all over her features.        He just shook his head. “I’ll explain later.”

***

       It took them all a couple of days to regroup and rearrange, but once that was done, once the tearful reunions and greetings were over, it was time for true celebration. Though, if someone had told Y/N that the same Loki that had stabbed his brother right in front of her eyes on the balcony of Stark Tower was the same one that practically sprinted towards Thor to embrace him, she’d tell them to fuck off.        Now they were all dressed in whatever best attire they could find, with smiles on their lips as they watched Pepper and Tony renew their wows. Y/N who had met Morgan less than forty-eight hours previously, stood tall and proud to their right as Rhodey helped her father stand up from his wheelchair and give Pepper a kiss.        “Come on,” Y/N whispered to Morgan, who was still unsure about the older sibling she’d met. Of course, not a day had gone by where either her dad or mom talked about her sister, but it was another thing to meet the girl. “I think Happy and Rhodes said they’re making burgers.”        Together they walked behind their parents, and no one could wipe off the smiles off their faces. Even Hank Pym was there, and it was a known fact that he and the Starks had never gotten along.        “Pete?” Y/N turned to her boyfriend, who instantly joined her other side, “will you take Morgan inside? I just need to quickly talk to Steve.”        “Yeah, yeah, sure,” he nodded, and couldn’t help the blush that spread across his cheeks as she pecked his lips.        As fast as she could she ran towards where they’d made a miniature of the time travel machine with the intention of Steve bringing the stones back to their correct place in time.       “I’m coming with you,” Y/N announced pulling on the bracelet on her palm that she'd hidden in the pocket of her pants, and stepping onto the platform. “And you won’t stop me.”        “Y/N, I don’t think your dad would agree to this,” Bruce remarked, his hand, much like her father’s in a sling, though where Bruce only had that and burns that would forever scar his right side, the prognosis for Tony to ever walk again on his own were slim. But that had never stopped a Stark.        “Of course, not,” she snorted tapping the device twice and letting the time travel suit encase her body. “Why do you think I ran? So he wouldn’t know about i-“ but it was just her luck as the man of the hour himself appeared out from behind the woods.        “Hey, hey, whoa, where do you think you’re going, young lady?” Tony exclaimed his wheelchair rolling towards the launchpad faster than Y/N thought was possible especially on the forest floor. “You are grounded!”       “Oh, come on, dad!”        “No,” he was surprisingly stern about this. “You zip it right now. I don’t wanna hear about it. Step off that thing right now, and get that piece of crap off of you,” he motioned towards the time travel suit and the bracelet.        “Please, dad, just… just trust me on this one. I’ll be back in a second. I just… I just wanna say goodbye to Nat. She’s the reason all of us are back here...”        With a sigh of defeat, because even a Stark couldn’t talk a Stark out of anything, Tony retreated. Y/N quickly skipped down the platform to give her father’s cheek a kiss, before joining Steve.        “Protect her. Whatever comes her way,” Tony said looking straight into Steve’s soul. This time he wouldn’t let his friend down.        “With everything I have.”        “Ok, you, dramatic gramps, let’s cut the cheesiness. Bruce?” Y/N grinned at the scientist.        “Ready to jump in three…” he started the countdown, “two…”    “See you in a minute,” Y/N winked and was gone.

***

       Putting the stones back was a whirlwind, and it made Y/N feel like a badass spy that had to infiltrate a base and then disappear unnoticed. She never really joined in on stealth missions, as that was not her forte, but fuck was it fun. Especially when Steve told her how he had to fight his old self on the first time around.        “I never knew how ridiculous that line was,” he chuckled, as they stepped onto Rocket’s ship, that he’d leant to them to get to Asgard, Morag and Vormir.        “I find it quite endearing. At least nowadays,” she nudged his shoulder and settled in one of the free seats as the Milano turned upwards to the sky and thrust them into space.        “Y/N, I’m sorry,” Steve murmured looking at her where she was strapped in place. “For everything. I thought I was doing what was right by not signing the Accords, and instead, I ripped our team apart. And with the whole Thanos thing… I’m sorry I couldn’t save you…”        That was loaded confession Steve had just put-upon Y/N, and as she was processing it, the overwhelming need to relieve him of the guilt eating away at her brain, a bright green light beeped on the panel, and they were pushed into the atmosphere of Vormir.        Cautiously the two exited and started to track their way to the sole mountain on the whole plane.        “You know, we’ve never been a team,” Y/N said looking up to where the two pillars reached into the sky. “Teammates fight together, follow orders, train together… that has never been us. We bicker, play pranks to the point of it walking the edge of mean, we spend our Friday nights curled up next to one another and throwing popcorn around. That’s not a team. That’s a family.”        “Evenings without you were a bore,” Steve said wrapping an arm around Y/N’s shoulders and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.        She wistfully sighed, skipping ahead before turning around and walking backwards. “I can only imagine. I mean with just birdbrain as the funny one and entertainment – I’m surprised you didn’t grey from the boredom.”        “Who knows, maybe I’ve just been dying my hair the whole time.”        “Oh, I’d like to see that process. You and Bucky sharing hair secrets is something I’d pay for.”        Steve snorted right as they approached what seemed to be carved out steps that lead to the top of the peak. “It’s actually Wakandan shea butter.”        “Seriously?” Y/N’s eyebrows were so far up her forehead, they merged with the creases there.        “Leaves everything smooth and silky.”        “When we get back,” she pointed at the Captain, “you’re gonna hook me up with your supplier.        “Gladly…” a small pause settled before he spoke up again. “So, why did you wanna tag along? Really?” Steve’s voice was raised so he could talk over the howling winds.       “Something uh someone said to me, made me think a bit. I dunno what’s gonna happen, but I wanna know if my hunch is right.”        But Steve didn’t get her to elaborate on what the fuck that meant when a floating cloak appeared before them. Y/N’s eyes were instantly white, and Steve had unsheathed the shield they’d gotten while back in the 70s.        “Steve, son of Sarah, Y/N daughter of Anthony,” an accented voice spoke to them. Y/N glanced at her companion from the side of her eye, only to see his mouth open in complete disbelief. “It has been a long time, Captain.”        “Son of a bitch, you’re still alive.”        “Indeed. As you know, I too once sought to acquire the stones, but alas, it was not what fate had intended.”        The way Steve was clenching his jaw made Y/N fear for his teeth. “And what was fate’s intention?”        “I am here, to be a guide to you, and all who seek the Soul stone.”        “Then lead the way,” Y/N murmured.        And without any struggle, Red Skull did as told.        “In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love,” the figure announced as Y/N made her way to where the cliff ended. “An everlasting exchange. A soul, for a soul… but you are not here to retrieve the stone, are you?”        “Nope, not one bit,” she said retreating and letting Steve open the case, Y/N’s gloved hands wrapping around the tiny glowing piece. With every step she took, she started to rethink her decision, but she’d come all this way just for this, she was putting her dad through more stress than necessary just for this.        Y/N was right on the edge, making Steve more nervous than ever. They’d come so far, with such high costs, he couldn’t lose her too. He wouldn’t recover, and he knew neither would Tony or the rest.        She turned around her, hair whipping at her face as she looked at Red Skull. “You said soul for a soul, right?”       “That is exact, my child.”       The winds were harsh at the top of the mountain, and the snow was not fluttery or light as it usually was during wintertime in New York. These were harsh icicles pelleting her skin.        “Y/N?” Steve cautiously asked, slowly approaching the woman, but she didn’t hear or see him. For a moment, her grip on the stone was so tight her knuckles turned translucent, and then she let go.        The stone glimmered like amber as it dropped down, down, down. When it touched the ground, the two beams that created the archway started glowing before bright light shot up into the sky, and Y/N had to shield her eyes from its intensity.        In that blink of an eye, she was transported away from the mountain and somewhere down below where they’d started their ascend. Her hands trembled as she opened them to see that the stone was no longer there.        And she was completely alone, as a matter of fact.        “No,” she looked at the expanse of water, as the light of the whole planet had dimmed leaving her alone and drenched in darkness. “No, no, no, no, no!” Y/N smashed her hands against the surface of it, anger coursing through her veins before a soft hand appeared on her shoulder.        “Baby Stark, you miss me?”       There, with that crooked smile of hers stood Natasha. Her hair was back to the red tone, blonde only covering the tips of the long tresses, but there she was – wearing that same ugly red and white suit as her and Steve.        “No,” Y/N sniffled scrambling up from the water and into her open arms. “Not one bit, you, self-sacrificial idiot.”       “That’s more of a Stark thing, isn’t it?” her whimpers could be heard all across the quiet planet, but that didn’t matter, given how both of the girls were crying.        “Yes, well, it shows you’ve spent time with my dad and Steve.”        The happiness pressing on the two was borderline suffocating. It was only when Natasha pulled back, bringing Y/N’s face between her palms.        “I’m so sor-“ but the girl was quick to shake her head.        “None of that matters,” she gripped the redhead’s forearms. “None of it. We won, and we’re back and we’re going home.”        The smile on the assassin’s face was the most dazzling thing Y/N had ever seen, and her breath would’ve been taken away if not for the screams of her Captain.        “Y/N!” Steve hollered as he dashed towards where he’d seen her laying in the pond, after having been knocked out by whatever the mountain did, but his panic evaporated when he saw who she was embracing.        “Nat?”        He couldn’t believe his eyes. She was there and just as tangible as his own skin and bones.        “Hey there, you, old fossil.”        He was still a few yards away, but he crossed that distance in no time, and before she could pull in a breath, Nat was up in his arms, both of their bodies shaking with tears of joy and laughter.        “You ever pull a stunt like this again, Romanoff, I swear I’ll make Fury put you on desk duty.”        “After all this, that sounds like a dream.”        “Be careful what you wish for,” Y/N piped up from the sides, grinning as she recalibrated her bracelet and moved towards the ship. “You might just get that.”        “Home?” her eyebrow raised in a sleek arch, as the other two Avengers ran up next to her and synched up.        “Home,” Nat whispered before being dragged down to the quantum realm.        The blink of an eye and the three of them stood back on the platform in the middle of the little forested area. Their suits retreated, and the trio’s beaming grins could’ve overpowered the brightly shining sun up above.        “Tasha?”        Nat’s head whipped to the side, seeing a completely stunned Clint, but she didn’t give her best friend a chance to regroup as she leapt off the podium and had her legs and arms wrapped around his middle and neck.        “Ten bucks on Clint trying to kill Nat for what she did,” Y/N muttered, leaning to the side as Steve, and she removed the bracelets, giving them back to a very much so confused Bruce, but not that confused Tony and Loki who had joined their little gang.        “That’s why you went back? To get Nat?” her dad asked, and Y/N shrugged. “How did you know it would work?”        “I uh I didn’t. But it was something his mom said,” she replied motioning at Loki. “She said about my powers and them being connected to the stones as the stones being connected to the universe. And that my powers are connected to my soul.”        Tony smirked, grabbing a hold of her hand and squeezing it. “You really are my daughter, aren’t you?”        A soft fluttery feeling erupted in her stomach. “Also, the words ‘soul for a soul’ was a pretty big give away, but that I found out only when I got there.”        As Pepper rushed out of the house, ready to kill her daughter for going back in time and her husband for allowing it, Bucky had slowly moved to stand next to his best friend.        “What happened to that ‘Happily Ever After’ you always dreamed about?”    He expected Steve to be upset about being back, blame Y/N for somehow coercing him to return, given how the two super soldiers had had a talk about him living out his life with Peggy. But instead, the blond was gnawing on his lip trying to keep a smile at bay.        “I think I just might have that right here,” he finally breathed out. “I uh I had my dance, but… I knew she’d be happy with or without me.”        “You sayin’ we wouldn’t be able to live without your old ass?” Sam smirked as he approached the pair, and it made Bucky snort.        “Obviously. But uh…” and that’s when he finally averted his attention to the thing strapped on his back. “I actually came to give you this.”        It was one thing to fight aliens, it was another to accept what Steve was offering.        “I can’t do that,” Sam shook his head looking at Bucky for support, but the man just stepped back and raised his hands in a ‘don’t involve me into this’ motion.        “Yeah, but I think you can,” Steve smiled at Sam. “Come on. Try it.”        Tentatively, as if it was made of glass, not vibranium, Sam, strapped his arm through the leathers and put the shield in front of him.        “How does it feel?” Steve asked, eyes surveying his friend from the side.        “Like someone else’s.”        “But it isn’t,” Steve shrugged, patting Sam’s back before the soldier pulled him in a hug.        “I’ll do my best.”        “And that’s why it’s yours.”        As they pulled back neither was ashamed of the tears that rolled down their cheeks. “And what will you do?” Sam sniffled holding onto the shield. “Join Bingo club?”        Steve rolled his eyes and shook his head, pushing at Sam’s arm and making him stumble. “Actually, something I should’ve done a while back.”        Both of his friend’s faces were the epitome of confusion as Steve marched away from them with sure steps, but that all changed when he called Nat’s name making her spin away from Clint and Wanda, and directly into his arms. A split second, and Steve’s lips were on her.        The cheering and whooping were just as intense as when Tony and Pepper renewed their vows by the lake. The only thing that made the two pull back was the desperate need for air, but even as they did so, their foreheads remained together.    "Where did that come from, Cap?"    "I've wasted too much time on dreams and 'what ifs'. It's time I act on them."    The pair grinned from ear to ear before a giant shadow loomed over them, and that truly made the pair pull away.        “I hope you’re okay with this,” Steve mumbled looking up at Bruce. No matter what and no matter for how long, he and Nat had had a thing, and the ex-Captain could never live with himself knowing Bruce was unhappy, but by the gentle smile on the professor’s face, he knew there was no animosity towards what was happening.        “Steve, I tried to bring Nat back because we’re family, not because of a kiss we shared. Besides,” he nervously rubbed the back of his neck, “I met someone along the way.”        Nat’s scarlet eyebrows shot to the middle of her forehead. There went the best spy in the world award. “Why didn’t you tell us?”        “Because we didn’t wanna label anything, especially with how the world was, but uh… I think we might give this a serious shot.”        “Who’s the lucky girl?” Nat’s signature smirk adorned her lips, and in all her life she would’ve never bet on the fact that the Hulk would ever blush.        “It’s uh it’s actually Betty… Ross.”        “Thunderbolt’s daughter?” the day had been full of surprises but even that beat everything in Clint’s book.        “Well we had kinda something going on before Hulk was even around, and we just reconnected after the snap… so trust me, I have nothing against you two going at it.”

***

       She could hear the laughter of everyone as Bruce told Steve and Nat to not create some sort of weird super soldier spy babies. The two of them were already a handful, and Y/N smiled at the sentiment.        “You okay?” Peter whispered into Y/N’s neck. It felt wrong to speak above that level, the scenery was way too calm for that. Even the waves across the lake were muted.        “For the first time in almost eighteen years, I can say, I am,” she gave him a tight smile, holding the glass case of where her dad’s first arc reactor was displayed. “He’s giving it up. The superhero life. For good now.”        Peter’s lips quirked up. “How do you know? This is your dad we’re talking about.”        “Yeah, but I think mom would actually commit murder if he even thought of being Iron Man…” Y/N looked over the lake.    It was bittersweet to know how much her family’s life had changed in those five years she was gone. She had a little sister now, Pep and Tony lived here in the countryside, and now he was passing up the mantle of Iron Man.    “I know he’ll always be there when we need him, when the real shit’s going down, but I’m happy about him not doing it anymore. He deserves a quiet life with mom and Morgan.”        “And you?” Peter observed how his girlfriend chewed on the bottom of her lip before releasing it once his thumb went to pull it out from between her teeth. “You deserve that as well with your family.”        “And we’ll have that,” Y/N intertwined her fingers with Peters, and pressed a kiss to them, “but first, we’ll protect the Earth. I think that’s why he gave this to me. Sort of a symbol of – now it’s your turn.”        Peter’s brows furrowed. “Your turn?”            “You’re looking at the one and only Iron Maiden.”        “Like the band?” he smirked.        “Or like the torture weapon. We’ll see what happens.”        He shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips as he kissed Y/N’s exposed shoulder, but their moment was disrupted when someone lightly tapped against her back.        “Dad said to come and get you,” Morgan nervously rolled back and forth on her feet. “We’re making cheeseburgers and having juice pops after that.”        “Really?” Y/N smirked taking Morgan’s extended palm and standing up, the arc reactor securely held in her other hand, and Peter’s hand on the small of her back. “Sounds like the perfect combo.”

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take): @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @sweet-ladyy @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan@nerissa98 @happyseagrill @asguardiansoftheavengers @crazybutconfidentaf @wishingforahome @pizzarollpatrol @desir-ae@wantingtobekorra @kylokayd @infamousmany @3blue-dreams3 @sarcasticvodka @synka-rin @3nmxnxt3r @supernatural-strangerthings-1980 @nikolett3 @eyesinconstellations @youngbloodholland @marvels-queen-bee @julierousing98 @maggiesimps @horrorx570ximagines @luluthegreatandterrible @bambamwolf87 @drakesfiance @artbysteph87 @beets1bears1battlestargalactica

A/N: I’ve been working on this the whole day, but I apologise if there are any grammar errors. Some of the dialogue taken from the actual movie script.

P.S. feedback is always appreciated

P.S.S. my tags are always open :)

[perpetuelledaydreaming]

Back to you (prologue)

Summary:  Y/N Stark and Peter Parker are unconditionally in love with each other, being friends for years was just the step before making it official. BUT, just the weekend they became official Thanos and the snap happened, leaving Y/N broken: without friends, avengers family or Peter Parker. So, she has to move on, at least that’s what everyone’s telling her and she really tries to do it and who better to help her than Harry Osborn. But, has she really let Peter go? What if Tony Stark -genius, billionaire, playboy, and philanthropist- knows how to bring Peter back? And what happens when he does? Is Y/N going to avenge again? Who’s going to lead the avengers now? Who is she going to choose? Harry or Peter? and who the hell is mysterio? *He doesn’t even go here*

word count: 3.9 k

author’s note: First official Spiderman fic, damn okay I don’t know how this is going to turn out since it’s my first time in like three years that I’m going to write another series, literally my last was GMW and I’ve been soooo fucking in love since I saw Homecoming and then everything of this new reincarnation of Spiderman that I just knew I needed to write something. I love y/n Stark fics and I just came up with this because why the hell no. If you like it *youtubers voice* give it a like and reblog and comment and let me know if you have like blurbs that you would like (?) i guess and thanks before hand for (maybe) reading thisss. ok enjoyy. btw there might be a mistake or two, like I might have skipped a revision buts ok. and no civil war in this timeline ok. 

series masterlist

                                                        _______

“All that for a drop of blood” The Mad Titan whispered and as you saw how his lips pursed into a smirk you felt your stomach dropping.

Before you could react, even get a scream out of your mouth to tell your dad to be careful, Thanos took a hold of your right ankle and threw you across the arid, orange and light-weighted planet.

“Y/N” Tony screamed as The Mad Titan dropped him into the floor, like a rag doll, as he repeatedly got punched and thrown down.

Soon you fell into the ground, hard and you felt as if there was no more air in Titan for you to breathe. The nanotech automatically removed your helmet as you desperately tried to find the air you had lost.

“Shit” you grumbled when you took a breath again, closed your eyes for a second and groaned.

This was more than you could handle, this was even more than anything you had ever thought you would ever do and for the first time in a while you were actually scared shitless about what was going to happen. It was even worse than New York than Ultron and you hadn’t even been on the field by that time but now you were and you had spend so many years trying to understand your father’s fear for so many years, just now you actually did.

As you tried to get up, you felt Peter’s presence behind you as he held you, helping you get up. His eyes were full of fear as he tried to inspect every part of your body, trying to figure out if you were seriously hurt in any way. It was normal for him, always checking in when you were fighting together.

“Oh my god, Y/N? I’m here. Are you -?” Peter started before you cut him.

“M’ fine, we need to help dad Peter, please” You whimpered as you got up with his help and turned around, your eyes desperately trying to find your father while holding Peter’s hand.

And that’s when you saw it, you were hardly able to blink as you saw how the blade entered your father’s torso and a whimper left his lips.

“DAD!” you screamed as tears rolled down your face. You felt as if your whole body was shaking uncontrollably and the urge to get to him as fast as you could overcome your mind.

You tried to run and fly towards him as your suit quickly materialized your helmet once again, but you felt a strong pair of arms around your torso, they were so tight. You knew if Peter had pressed more, it could break at least two of your ribs.

You screamed as you tried to fight Peter’s hold on you, you watch blood coming out of your father’s mouth as Thanos spoke to him.

“Y/N wait, wait, he’s going to kill you if you go near, please,” Peter begged, you could feel that he was crying as well. “I can’t lose you.”  

He was holding to you so tight, you thought you might pass out. Peter never used his super strength with you. He was always soft with you, always careful but this was a desperate grip on you, on your body, he didn’t want you going and as you turned around you could see the terror on his chocolate eyes.

But when you saw Thanos pointing the gauntlet at your dad, the infinity stones shinning more and more every second, you knew if you didn’t make it, you wouldn’t see him again.

“Peter” you stated as your lips trembled, you felt your heart crumbling inside your chest, you had promised a future together before this happened. “I’m sorry Peter,” you whispered as your suit quickly transformed your feet into a rocket canon.

Peter sensed the buzzing coming from the charges in your suit, he tried to hold you tighter, his mask appearing in front of his face and covering his chocolate eyes.

“Y/N please, don’t-” Peter cried, as the rocket canon finally broke his grip on you, sending him backwards and sending you flying as fast as you could towards your dad.

You landed right between them and the mask quickly came off, you knew your suit didn’t have much energy now, less than 10% you figured with all the fighting, and you had lost H.A.P.P.Y, your AI when you got out of the earth. But it didn’t stop you as your hand filled your repulsor with the energy you had left, and you pointed it at Thanos.

“Y/N NO!” your father yelled between shallow breathes as he tried his best to protect you. “Please Y/N, it’s okay, please”

But you didn’t flinch, still glaring at Thanos as you pointed at him with your repulsor and he pointed to you with the gauntlet. This was it, you knew what it was coming.

He chuckled.

“I hope they remember you” Thanos stated as he looked at you solemnly. “You remind me of my daughter”

You felt a knot in your stomach as you prepared for impact or however the Mad Titan decided to get rid of you and your father.

The infinity stones started gathering more and more energy and so did your repulsor as you closed your eyes for a second. Please, don’t let Peter see this, you thought to yourself as your eyes opened and braced for the attack.

But then Stephen’s voice broke the silence, the tension, your last thoughts. You turned around, your arm never going down as Thanos watched Stephen carefully as he tried to lean into the remnants of Titan.

“Stop” Stephen cried as he breathed heavily. “Spare their life’s and I will give you the stone” He said as he gazed at Tony and you for a second. “No tricks” Thanos stated as he began facing Strange but didn’t let his arm with the gauntlet down.

Your stomach dropped as you watched as the time stone materialized in Stephen’s hand from the sky, you heard your father mumbling something but soon you couldn’t hear anything as desperation washed your whole body. This couldn’t be. This was your last chance to save the earth, to save the universe.

The stone levitated from Stephen’s hand to Thanos and as he was about to grab it, you attempted to move, to take it away, maybe die in the process, but you didn’t care anymore, you knew it was your duty, you were an avenger and you had to do it.

But as soon as you tried to lift your foot from the orange ground, something pulled you back and soon you got this cold sensation spreading from your feet up, your body was humming, and it felt as if every muscle in your body had frozen, soon you couldn’t even turn your head or open your mouth, you felt trapped. Your eyes squinted slightly and turned to Steven as he gazed back at you, his left-hand twitching as it pointed to you and you realized, it was him.

You wanted to scream, shout and cry as you felt Thanos glaring back at you for a moment and then placing the stone in the gauntlet. Flashes of green light traced his purple skin as you tried to move, you wanted to fire your repulsor, you wanted him gone.

“One to go” he whispered to himself as he gazed longingly at the golden gauntlet.

Your eyes widen as you realized what was going to happen now, he was going to earth again for Vision, Wanda, for all the others. You closed your eyes and begged that your repulsor worked as you aimed towards The Mad Titan, and in that moment a pulse rifle sound shot into the air and you thought you had made it.

You opened your eyes to see yellow flashes of light hit Thanos -repeatedly, with such a desperation that if it had been blue flashes it would’ve been you- but a scream ripped the sky and it was Quill, either way nothing hurt Thanos as blue steam grew from behind him and as soon as you felt you could breathe again, he was already engulfed by the cloud that formed behind him.

You felt into the floor as you tried to regain composure, you tried to shake off the feeling of not being able to control your own body. You hated when magic was used on you and you had been trained by no other than Clint and Wanda in order to know the signs and try your best to avoid it. Either way, fighting against Strange’s power was a whole other thing.

“Where is he?” Quill screamed again as his eyes frantically looked for the Titan, he tried pointed his gun anywhere and his whole face was tainted by panic and anger.

But you couldn’t even look at him as you glared back at Strange, he looked right back at you and simply shook his head and looked down. You were about to curse the hell out of Strange, because you could’ve tried to stop him, at least that’s what you wanted to believe.

But your thoughts dissipated as you heard your dad fixing his wound as his breathing came a little back to normal, you stood up as soon as you could and ran towards him.

“Dad, Dad” you sniffled as you hold his hand, “How is it, are -are you okay?” You could barely get out as your eyes were fixed in your father’s wound, trying to check out if it was okay.

You sighed heavily as Tony simply nodded and squeezed your hand a little bit tighter, he tried to smile but it simply faded as he gazed back at the ground, he hated when you saw him like this. It had been around three years when he had finally allowed you to be on the field, but he never liked it. He felt his heart on his throat every time you were on a mission, he was uneasy which didn’t serve the team very well when he was always worried about you but with time he had learned how to cope with it. Still, it never got easy for him seeing you hurt, it never got easy for him when he had taken a blow and you had to risk your life to be beside him. In all honesty, Tony didn’t like the idea that some time you might see him die.  

“Did we just lose?” Quill let out in a sighed as you felt someone landing next to you, you turned around to see Peter, he was a little bit shaken up from the way you threw him back.

You sighed of relief as you saw him, you knew he had super strength and healing powers, but you guessed it was more about the emotional burden -he was scared of losing you. You crashed your body into him as he held you so tight you thought that you might pass out.  He wanted nothing more than to protect you, he wanted you to be okay, he just wanted to go home with the girl he had been in love with since he met her and just be with her.

“Peter, I…”

“I know Y/N, it’s not your fault,” Peter said softly as he held you tight, “It’s going to be okay, they are going to stop him” Peter reassured you as you turned around to see Tony.

It wasn’t good, you were all tired and alone in this desolated planet, you looked around to see all the Guardians coming towards you. A scowl on their faces as they felt every little blow from the battle, the adrenaline was gone and as you knew very well, the injuries where now being felt.

“Why would you do that?” Tony asked Strange, his voice soft and defeated.

You knew your father, how he thought, and you saw how everything, all the weight of keeping the world safe that he had carried on his shoulder since he became Iron Man was now crumbling, the anxiety and the fear were now gone and only defeat was left. He had failed the world, that’s what he thought.

You turned to see Strange, gazing solemnly at Tony. It wasn't completely defeated but he was somber, in the little time you had gotten to know the Supreme Wizard you knew he had to have a reason, a tangible reason for him to let Thanos go.

“We’re in the endgame now” He whispered ambivalently.

But you were furious, you were fucking tired of not knowing what was going to happen but most of all you felt the panic creeping on your back, but it was because you felt betrayed by time or the universe that this had to happen now.

“Babe…” Peter mused as he took a hold of your chin to make you look into his eyes. He gave you a little smile as he placed his forehead against yours.

He knew you well, well enough to feel your heartbeat going insane as you glared at Strange, but he also knew you well enough to calm you down.

“It’s just, we were just on a school trip today…” You mumbled as you closed your eyes.

It had been whirlwind since this morning you had been kind of official with Peter for the first time at school, you had been to the MOMA and there hadn’t been a moment where you weren’t sneaking around between exhibitions, running away from Mr. Harrington so Peter could lean forward and press his lips to yours every chance he got.

“Spider-ling stop kissing my daughter and help me get up” Tony muttered from behind you.

You gave your dad and Peter a little smile as Peter blushed, his cheeks red as he ran towards his mentor to help him stood up as you feel the group getting closer together. They were just re-grouping in order to see what your next step was.

“We have to get out of here” You stood in silence as you watched your father lean into Peter, watching you take the lead.

Mantis was next to Quill who was holding her, she had been badly injured while Drax just stared down, a somber look in his eyes. He had to be feeling worse than your father as he had been trying to avenge his family, at least that’s what you thought.

“How are we supposed to do that? The donut is gone” Peter asked as he gazed at the broken space-ship that was close to you.

You bite your lower lip as you thought about what you could possibly do to return home. There was no food or water here for you to survive long enough and you had to be as possibly fast as you could in order to help the others. It had taken you like one day to arrive at Titan, now you needed to go back. At least, you really wanted to believe there was a chance to help others.

“We have our ship, we don’t know if it’s 100% usable after the fight” Quill muttered, as he checked Mantis and gazed back at you.

You didn’t even want to look at Quill at the moment, so you turned around your gaze at Stephen. You weren’t particularly thrilled about having him your face, but you knew he was the best option you had for a safe and quick return to earth.

You smirked.

“Thankfully, we have a Wizard that can help us go back to earth in les-”, You began but was quickly cut off by Mantis.

And that’s when you felt goosebumps appearing on your own skin, as Mantis muttered.

“Something’s happening” Mantis shuddered as she gazed at the orange sky in Titan, thunder could be heard.

All of you did the same as you tried to figure out what was wrong, it was ominous and frankly terrifying. You quickly turned and took a hold of Peter’s hand as you watched your father carefully, you wanted to be close to them.

You turned around to ask Mantis what was going on but as you blink she wasn’t there anymore, there were just ashes falling into Quill’s body, following the gloomy wind and you felt your knees going weak as you just understood what was happening. You squeezed Peter’s hand as you frantically pulled him closer to you.

“Dad…” You sniffled as you watched your father carefully. Tony had a haunted expression drawn across his face, he blinked too fast to make sure what he was seeing was real as he struggled to walk towards Quill and the others.

Soon you heard Drax’s trembling voice, the fear was palpable as he had just seen Mantis fading away, literally fading into dust.

“Quill?” He managed to say before half of his body turned into dust and he looked up into the sky as a sigh left his lips.

You felt like you were going to throw up and you felt Peter’s hold growing tighter around your waist, almost as if he was protecting you of what was coming next. The terror on everyone’s face was there, he did it, you thought to yourself.

You watched Quill, hoping he will stay, hoping it was just them and that it would stop by now. Two people had died in front of you, they had turned into ashes, you wanted it to stop, you needed it to stop.

Forehead puckered, Quill gazed at Drax with fear on his eyes, he was supposed to be the leader, he was supposed to help them but he was helpless, he didn’t know how to stop it and you could see the terror in his eyes, as he turned around to see your father.

Tony got closer to Quill, as he looked at him trying to be the pillar that the younger guardian needed. But as you saw him, you knew he was just as lost as everyone else. As helpless as you all were because there was no way you could possibly stop this from happening.  

“Steady Quill” Tony said as he watched him, trying to somehow remain calm.

But as soon as he managed to get the words out the eerie sound of the wind mixed with a bit of energy from the stones -you thought- cut your father’s words.

“Oh man”

Those were the only words Quill got out before his body quickly turned into ashes. You fell on the ground, in silence as Peter went down with you.

“It’s going to stop soon Y/N, it’s going to stop” Peter assured you as he whispered in your ear while he gazed at Tony for any confirmation that was going to stop.

Tony turned around, shocked by the way their team had to disappear in a matter of seconds, to find Stephen already looking at him.

The blood on Stephen’s cheek was still going down as he tried to shake his head in affirmation, trying to somehow calm your father.

“There was no other way” Stephen stated, he breathed deeply as his gaze fell on the ground, on what was left of Titan.

One. Two. Three breaths and then he was gone.

Your father quickly turned around to see you, to make sure you were still there, and you gazed back at him. You didn’t know if you were next, neither of you so you stood up as fast as you could, leaving Peter behind because you were sure it was going to be okay, he was Peter, he was always okay. 

But as soon as you were going to give a step forward, Peter’s hold on your hand stop you. You gazed back confused as you saw him looking at the ground, a haunted expression on his face as he looked at his other hand, he looked at his arm and his body. He seemed like he was looking as if his body was full-on ants.

“Y/N…?” Peter managed to get out as his gaze frenetically found yours. His breathing became heavier as he stepped forward.

You knew.

“Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good” Peter mumbled as he linked eyes with your dad who walked as quickly as he humanly could towards you two.

You frantically tried to see what was wrong with him, you knew what was wrong with him but your brain still tried to do any calculation on how to keep Peter together for what was coming. It was a bizarre thought but there was nothing else coming up as you tried to gaze at his beautiful chocolate eyes.

“I- I- I don’t know what’s happening” Peter stuttered as terror grew on his eyes and he walked towards you like he was holding onto dear life itself.

You held him too, you wanted to hold onto him as if somehow it was going to avoid that he turned into dust. Your features overcoming with fear and dread as you hold onto the boy you had been in love with for three years.

“Pete-” You managed to get out before you felt his whole weight into yours and your words were quickly cut off as you both fell into the ground. You placed him into your arms, his eyes fluttered as he tried to keep his breathing normal, he wanted to be brave, he really wanted to be brave. His hands were holding yours as you placed them in his chest, trying to check his heart beating.

“I don’t want to go Y/N, I don’t want to go Y/N, please” He cried as Tony kneeled down next to yours, placing a hand on Peter’s shoulder.

Your father wanted to help so badly but he knew what this meant and all he could do was watch as the boy’s legs began to crumble.

“You’re going to be okay Peter, please”, you whispered as you nodded your head between your tears.

But suddenly, his eyes looked up into the orange sky, like he was embracing this like he knew he wasn’t going to be okay. His chocolate eyes quickly found your Y/E/C eyes and they stayed together, with those knowing looks you both knew what it meant.

“M’ sorry” Peter finally whispered, without fear on his voice rather resignation as he held your gaze and you saw how the boy you love was fading.

You gazed at his chest and his hands were no longer holding yours and you felt panic invading your body and then watched him carefully as his features disappear, leaving at last his eyes that quickly turned to dust.

“No, no, no” You sobbed, shaking your head as you tried aimlessly to hold on to the ashes of the boy.

“Y/N…” Tony muttered as he held onto you, he didn’t know what to say. He knew how much you loved him, and he knew the sorrow you must be feeling.

He knew Peter was your first love.

“PETER!” You screamed at the sky, the cry ripped your chest and the sky as you felt like you were going to pass out as sobs started coming out from your mouth and you hold onto your dad as you cried.

You lost your mind as you looked at your hands filled with the ashes of Peter.

[talldarkandroguesome]

Entry Back in the Hollow City

I cannot wait to be rid of this plane. Yet out there is still Er-Jaseen, continuing his battle with the Molag Bal. All that can be done is for us to wait and learn of what will come of it.

I suppose I should start at the beginning. 

When we arrived, Abnur Tharn pulled Er-Jaseen and Tel and I aside. He stressed the need for resolve and not to waver. For a man who typically uses snide comments, backhanded compliments, and dark humor, he gave a rather heartfelt and rousing encouragement.

The others milled about with increasing anxiety. I am sure it was because they were not yet certain about which of them would not be surviving. Who would they have to grieve for.

Since the power the Amulet of Kings would provide would only last a short time, we were told that we would all have to journey close enough to be in Molag Bal’s presence. Then as soon as the ritual was complete, it would be a dash to the prince’s palace and a battle that needed to go as quick as possible.

We knew the dangers would be greater than anything we had ever faced before. And it was Tel and my job to ensure that Er-Jaseen made it to this battle.

Tharn told Er-Jaseen that if he managed to succeed that his soul and those of all the other surviving vestiges would be returned. I did not know if these were pretty lies meant to encourage or if they were true, but it appeared to bolster Er-Jaseen’s resolve.

We fought our way past Daedric warriors and looming beasts with talons and fangs and claws, all designed to rip mortal bodies apart. We came to a huge chamber, wide across as a castle and as long as a city.

Guarding the whole was a massive titan, it’s huge wings as wide across as two longboats. It let out a horrifying screech as we descended the stairs. Those with magic kept their distance, hurling destructive spell after spell. Those of us with weapons surrounded the beast on all sides, making to sure land a blow, then dodge its gigantic limbs and gnashing blade-like teeth.

It was a slow and difficult battle, but we managed to attack the weak spots enough to hinder its mobility, and from there, we could bit by bit take down each of its limbs and wings, then concentrate on its head.

As we stepped over that fallen creature, we saw nearly infinite lanes with row after row of imposing stone cylinders which hummed with magicka, and contained within each one was a screaming, writhing body. Most seemed to be those of mortals, many begging for forgiveness from their master as pain and horrifying illusions filled their minds and body. It was clear that this was where the Prince of Pain kept those who displeased him most.

To confirm this, in the center of this grand hall was a special dias, with dremora and skeletons whipping an Altmeri figure upon a rack. Lyris asked if it was Mannimarco.

I approached invisibly and was filled with satisfaction to see that it was indeed the villain, being lashed with flaming whips. I returned and confirmed that it was. I could see a gleam in her eyes as well, she wanted to face him and say something.

As we approached, we were set upon by the torturers. They were easy to overtake with our numbers. They were nothing compared to the titan.

We stood over Mannimarco. He cursed us for ruining his supposedly perfect plan to become a god. Told us that it brought him satisfaction to know that although he suffered as Molag Bal’s favorite plaything now, it would be nothing compared to what he would inflict upon our group.

Er-Jaseen told him we were going to defeat Molag Bal and reclaim all the souls that he had stolen. He called us arrogant for thinking we could accomplish such a thing, ironic coming from the mer who thought he could trick his own Prince.

We walked away and left him to his fate as Tharn mocked him and told him he was getting what he deserved. I agreed. There was none as deserving of an eternity of torture by Molag Bal than that mer.

We moved ahead, fighting past more Daedric guardians. Varen told us that we were getting close, he could sense it. In truth I did not need Varen’s comments to know. Something in me got ice cold as we moved into a courtyard. It almost burned with how cold it was, right in the center of my chest.

I was only too glad when we found the remnants of some sort of temple. When Tharn announced that this was the best place, I was eager to get it completed. Breathing was difficult, the pain was so heavy in my chest.

Tharn bid Er-Jaseen to make his decision, one of them needed to give their lives for Er-Jaseen to be imbued with the power of Akatosh. Er-Jaseen spoke with the others. I wanted to ask Tharn if he thought it would be enough power, but I knew it was best not to inject any doubt into anyone’s mind, myself included. I simply needed to have faith. A difficult task, to be sure.

Er-Jaseen finished and spoke to all of us. He said that since all of them wished to give their life and he did not want to deny anyone the right to a meaningful death, he thought it best to give the right to sacrifice their life to Varen, should he decide to take it. Varen had been the one to create the soulburst and start the sequence of events that lead to the Planemeld to begin with. Then he asked Varen if that is the choice he would like to make.

Varen thanked Er-Jaseen and said he was honored to be allowed to make amends for his arrogance and asked to have it done.

I would not have made such a speech myself. I am sure it will ease his mind, but it will no doubt leave Lyris and Sai Sahan to wonder if they should not have done more to prevent Varen’s death.

Yet it is not my decision and I am sure since Er-Jaseen spent more time with all of them, it was more difficult for him to sentence any of them to their deaths. At least this way it was not wholly his decision, I suppose. Still, it is justice that the one responsible take the harshest penalty to reverse that which he created.

Tharn took the Amulet of Kings in hand and had us all move into position. Varen said a prayer that asked for forgiveness from Akatosh and for the power to protect Nirn through his sacrifice.

Tharn assured Varen that while history would never know the sacrifice he made, all of us present would remember what he gave us to save Nirn. A rare moment of compassion, perhaps, but a beautiful one. Then Tharn started the ritual.

As he cast his spell, Varen’s body lifted up into the air and began to glow with a golden radiance. The light grew greater and greater in brightness and then shot out of Varen’s body. The cold and lifeless corpse of a once emperor fell limp to the cold stone below as the light shot into Er-Jaseen’s body, causing him to glow. And from that glowing, armor began to form around him, until he stood head to toe in divine armor of a most intricate design.

Tharn stood bent over, gathering his strength and told us to hurry, that he would get the others to safety.

And so we ran. Er-Jaseen’s feet never quite touched the ground, he seemed to be floating and moving faster than usual. Tel and I had to use all our energy to keep up with him. We needed to protect him. That was our mission.

Sai Sahan and Lyris shouted their encouragement and words of our assured success as we ran and I knew that this was a moment that counted for more than what most people can accomplish in a lifetime.

We came to a huge wall and Er-Jaseen held out his hands. A blast of fire melted through the stone wall, as though it were a hot knife through a block of chilled butter. Tel and I had to be careful not to step on the molten stone as we hurried through after Er-Jaseen.

Then above the fortification loomed the figure of Molag Bal. He taunted us and claimed us mad and pathetic in turns.

When enemies set upon us, Er-Jaseen’s divine powers knocked them easily aside. Daedroths fell as easily as paper before his blows. And a sweep of his sword slayed a line of Dremora. Tel and I stayed to his back, picking off any that would try and sneak up upon him.

A whole bride Molag Bal blew to pieces to prevent our crossing, but like with the wall, divine power sprung from Er-Jaseen’s hands. This time it gathered the broken stone chunks and reformed that which had been broken. We raced across, lungs burning as we forced ourselves to keep up with our divinely imbued companion.

Larger and larger armies of greater and greater beasts set upon us all. The fighting grew harder. It was taking more strikes for Er-Jaseen to fell the Daedra army. I could feel my strength trying to give out and could see that Tel was tiring as well. I took the opportunity of a break in the fight to drink several potions and tossed a couple to Tel as well. I knew that the aftermath would wreck havoc on my body, but this was too important to not continue. We had to make sure that Er-Jaseen made it to his battle with Molag Bal. We need to do our best to ensure he succeeded. There was no other way for our souls to be recovered and those of so many others.

Er-Jaseen melted through another wall and we raced after him up a set of stairs where we faced the Daedric Prince standing before us.

Molag Bal swept his arms towards us. I teleported out of the way, just as those clawed hands gripped, whole body, Tel in one and Er-Jaseen in the other. I looked up horrified as I saw the grip tighten. I heard the sickening crack of bones snapping and saw Tel’s head go limp above Molag Bal’s giant fist, their feet dangling loose.

Then there was a blinding flash of light. I looked away for a moment, then back, to see Er-Jaseen fighting the strength of Molag Bal, opening up his hand. The light turned to a fire, burning Molag Bal’s hand, arm, and face. He gave as scream and let go of Er-Jaseen, who glided softly down to the ground.

Instead of standing stories above us, Molag Bal stepped to the ground now only three times our height. I summoned my shades to attack and Er-Jaseen was soon locked in battle with him as well.

I teleported behind Molag Bal and slashed across his back. Then he teleported away, I rolled to dodge, then turned to see a blue light heading in my direction. I tried to dodge again but it spread along the azure plasm on the ground and I was pulled to my knees from the pain. I could not move. I was frozen in place. I saw Er-Jaseen still fighting. And it could have been a trick of the eye, but Molag Bal seemed to be smaller somehow. Closer to double Er-Jaseen’s height rather than more.

I willed my shades to go for the Prince’s back. They struck him and he turned his head to me. Then he vanished from my line of sight. I could not move or see him. I knew he was coming for me.

There was nothing I could do.

There was a sound above me, a sudden crushing weight and a sharp pain. I heard the sound of all my bone break as I felt them splinter inside me.

When I awoke, I was in the Hollow City. Cadwell standing above me and Tel by my side. Cadwell had made sure to scoop each of us up as soon as we reformed and brought us to safety.

North of us, Er-Jaseen continues the fight. May the Hist he shares a bond with give him the strength. May Akatosh and the rest of the Divines continue to imbue him with power. And may the Three guide and protect him. All of us who had our mortal lives stolen away depend on it.