#what he says in the strange beginnings ending abt being like . the worst part of them

[voiceofthe]

anyway vital to my understanding/interpretations of the voices is that they are all, fundamentally, trauma responses. some are just more obvious than others.

[cdroloisms]

haha your snippit abt the dispenser got me thinking.

Dream gets let out of prison and he talks constantly, whatever is on his mind. And he's positive all the time. To a fault where people walk over him. And it doesn't make sense because he was tortured right???? But after an incident they find out it's because he hates the sound of silence and needs constant reminders that other people are there. Also he was punished for any negative emotions in the prison so his default is happy now,,,

hi anon !! this concept makes me SO goddamn sad ,, the idea that he Has to be happy bc anything else would mean punishment im so *punches the walls*

this ,, ficlet is honestly. pretty ooc, not really related to the ask at all, and mostly an excuse for me to cry abt c!dream and c!punz for an excessive amount of time (technically the vote on twitter was supposed to have this as c!sapnap pov, but i just wrote one for him so i went for c!punz instead. mostly bc i wanted to write him LMAO). hopefully someone enjoys it despite *gestures vaguely* all of that mess

tw: trauma, disordered eating, implied torture/abuse, blood, injuries, unhealthy coping mechanisms, emotional distress, thoughts of murder/mercy killing, mentioned animal death, dark content

In the end, it’s all rather anticlimactic, the complete opposite of Dream’s vault and the whole fiasco of adrenaline and theatrics that had made up that day. Quackity ended up having one too many drinks, bragged about the wrong thing to the wrong person - Punz doesn’t know the specifics, only knows that one thing has led to another and suddenly Sapnap was screaming at his ex-fiancé, sword pointed at his chest and tears streaming down his eyes in the middle of the Community House floor, everyone else stood around and watching. A look into Quackity’s office said everything he didn’t - the chests and chests of used and new tools, shiny and sharpened and completely rusted over with blood and everything in between. There’s been a balled up shirt in the wastebasket, completely unsalvageable from how saturated it was with blood, more red than white, and perhaps most chilling of all the calendar, marked with X after X in red pen, going back months and speaking to their utter failure to see what had been happening all but right in front of them.

With Quackity down, Sam caved not too long after, and with his input getting into the prison was no challenge at all. The only thing holding them back were bad memories and the tense, worried edge to Sam’s jaw as he led the small group of them - himself and Sapnap, actually entering the facility, Bad and Puffy waiting outside - carrying them through winding corridor after winding corridor and lava pit after lava pit, until they’d come to stand before a chasm filled with flowing lava, slowly draining before the main cell.

“I- I have to warn you,” Sam had muttered, uncharacteristically hesitant, “it looks…pretty bad,” and Punz would’ve questioned him further, but the lava had fallen far enough to reveal the topmost edge of the cell, so they let Sapnap hound the Warden for information as they directed their full attention on the cell itself and holy shit.

Nothing Sam said could’ve possibly have prepared them for the sight - it was a complete fucking bloodbath, crimson painting the walls and smeared over the floor and splattered over every visible surface like some abstract art experiment gone wrong. The stench of iron and burning flesh and viscera was awful, even over the gap marked by the still-draining lava. Punz strained his eyes; at the very back of the cell, huddled, unmoving, was a similarly bloodstained shape that must’ve been Dream. They remember the crack of Sapnap’s knuckles meeting Sam’s face and breaking his nose, remember themselves chucking a pearl and feeling along Dream’s neck desperately for a pulse - everything beyond that became a swirl of voices and panic and crying that makes their head hurt to think about, so they don’t.

Recovery is…messy. The physical side had been bad enough - pulling Dream out of the cell, barely breathing, limp in his arms and far too light, all Punz could think about was a sheep he’d found a year ago, frail and struggling to breathe, one he’d ended up killing - quick and painless - with a sword through the skull because it seemed kinder than letting it suffer. Watching Dream struggle on the bed, laid up in Bad’s mansion because none of them knew if he’d survive going any further, body resisting the potions they’d slowly forced down his throat after being so over-saturated on them, temperature spiking and heat baking into his skin like the lava from the prison had been imprinted onto his body, Punz feels the same strange mixture of pity and unease, wonders if it’d be a hell of a lot kinder if they just put him out of his fucking misery.

Still, because Dream is a stubborn bastard, against all odds, he ends up surviving - his fever breaks, the potions begin taking effect, and a few tireless, aching days later his eyes flutter open, lucid for the first time in a week. Punz isn’t even in the room when he wakes, only knows that it happens because the too-quiet room suddenly erupts in noise and activity, muffled thumps and sounds of a struggle undercutting Bad’s frantic calls for someone to help, anyone, and they run into the room to find Dream thrashing on the bed, wounds reopened and blood dripping onto the sheets, eyes wild and wide as his head whips from side to side so hard Punz is half-afraid that he’ll straight up break his neck. Somehow, worst of all, not a single scream falls from his lips, nothing but muffled whines squeezing past his mouth, clenched shut, and for a singular, awful second they wonder how long it took before he realized that screaming was useless.

Fortunately enough for them, or unfortunately, it’s not like he can tell the fucking difference anymore, the panic and strain end up with Dream passing out altogether, and they trade uneasy glances with Bad before going to clean off the worst of his wounds. If everything they’re doing feels hopeless, dressing up wounds that’ll be torn open hours later when Dream is awake enough to feel fear but not much else because he’s forgotten what it’s like to not be afraid - well, that’s for them to think and everyone else to pretend not to agree with.

Weeks pass along the same vein - Dream wakes up, panics; they try to calm him down, fails; he falls back into unconsciousness, and they move on and pretend that they’re cleaning up wounds from battle and not from someone that’s literally been tortured for months on end. People stop by, occasionally; Puffy spends more time than not inside the mansion, but hardly ever enters the door into Dream’s room, Sapnap and George drop by occasionally with potion brewing supplies that the rest of them can’t go out to get; once, he’d gone out to the front door to find a chest with an enchanted golden apple, sender nowhere in sight. He knows that the server is busy; Quackity’s admission had brought more than a few secrets to light, and from what they understand, the political fallout has been pretty damn messy. Still, he stays in the mansion, and watches.

He doesn’t exactly know why he stays. They’re not a stellar healer, not beyond what they know to dress their own wounds, and spend most of their time doing odd-and-ends tasks for Bad, who looks more tired than ever. Maybe it’s because he’s seen Dream at his worst more than the rest of them, had been there through his entire fall from grace, watched as his eyes became clouded with anger and madness and a single, desperate hope that he’d chased at the cost of his world and himself. Maybe it’s because they have no ties to the rest of the server - not to Las Nevadas, falling apart under the scrutiny of the eyes that now fall upon it, not Snowchester, caught up in the chaos, not the Badlands, half-dissolved after the fiasco of the Egg and with Sam’s actions having just come to light. Maybe it’s because above everything else, he feels guilty.

They’d thought the prison was the answer. It’d seemed too simple, back in that Vault - a perfect answer, because everyone else was perfectly happy to watch Dream die another time and some part of them had clenched painfully at the thought even thought they knew it was for the best. The prison meant that he’d be alive, if angry, and at some point when he had the time or the nerve or the guts he could go and visit, and they would talk, and Dream would be angry but with time maybe he could even understand.

They hadn’t wanted this. He can’t imagine anyone wanting this.

“Punz?” They don’t jump at the voice at their back, they don’t, but Bad still has a tiny, tight-lipped smile when they turn around anyway, eyes creased in the corners and still not as bright as they’d been before the Egg. Bad looks at him knowingly, setting a bowl of soup into his hands. “For Dream, if you can get him to eat.” He shifts a pointed gaze towards the door. “Maybe you two could talk.”

“About what?” The words come out harsher than they intend, and they take a moment to bite back the mostly self-directed anger that Bad doesn’t deserve to receive the brunt of. “I just-” he waves his hand in the air, trying to articulate the mess that is his relationship with Dream without the words to explain it. “I don’t know, man.”

“You don’t have to talk about everything,” Bad says, calm as always, eyes flicking down to the bowl of soup in his hands. “Just start with the soup.”

Punz sighs. “I’ll try.”

He enters the room in a single, fluid motion, mostly because he knows that if he were to stop at the door then he’d never actually make his way in. Dream flinches back when they enter, eyes going wide and stance going rigid, and the familiarity doesn’t make the sight any easier to bear as they wait, as always, for Dream’s eyes to clear enough for him to realize he’s in the mansion and not stuck in that same obsidian hellhole.

“I brought soup,” they say, finally, when Dream looks up. Dream’s lips twitch up in what he probably means as a smile; between the still-healing gashes on his face and the fear that flashes over his expression, still, it comes out as more of a grimace.

“Thanks.” Dream looks away. “I’ll eat it later.”

Liar, Punz thinks tiredly, moving closer to set the bowl down on the nightstand by the bed. They frown as Dream’s expression goes slack and distanced, again, eyes fixed to stare blankly at the wall once again.

“You should have some now,” he tries, careful to keep his words even. “You need the calories.”

“I’m good,” Dream says, automatic, just shy of sincere. “Thank you.”

“Dream,” they don’t quite succeed at keeping a displeased sigh from falling from their lungs, and bite back a curse at themselves when Dream pulls back with a silent flinch. It’s so goddamn hard, to talk to this version of Dream, both of them feeling around the edges of their relationship like walking on goddamn eggshells. A few months ago, he would’ve straight up called Dream out on his bullshit, get it through his thick skull that the whole ‘I’m fine and don’t need anyone’ act was stupid and completely failing to convince him. Here, they bite back another sigh, look forlornly at the bowl of the soup on the nightstand, sure to go uneaten once again, and force themselves to sound completely neutral when they speak again. “Alright. You’ll have to eat at some point, though.”

“Mmhm,” Dream hums noncommittally, once again staring at the wall. Punz stares at his hands. This is so fucking pointless.

“So,” they say after a few seconds, Bad’s words echoing in their head - they can try to make an effort to talk, sure. It’s just that Dream’s not going to cooperate. “How are you, man?”

The words come out stilted, awkward. He looks up to watch Dream’s expression, as the other man begins to gnaw on the inside of his cheek.

“I’m good,” he says, words deliberately light. “You?”

“Dream…”

“I’m fine.” Dream’s voice sharpens suddenly, breath hitching, before he shakes his head and turns his head away. “I’m fine.”

Punz looks at him incredulously. “Are you serious? Do we need to get into exactly how not-fine you are?” They wave a hand in his direction, jaw clenching when he rears back. “Do ‘fine’ people lose their minds from someone waving at them, now?”

“I-” For a second, Dream glares at him, eyes burning with a familiar, irritated fire that Punz knows all-too-well from having it directed at him a few too many times, before it suddenly dies and Dream is swinging his head back to the bedsheets, hands tightening on the cloth as he stammers. “I- What do you want?”

Punz breathes a soft sigh, regret blooming in the center of their chest. “Sorry,” he mumbles, careful to keep their gestures overly-telegraphed and away from the other man’s face. “I’m just- you’re not okay, man. No one’s expecting you to be okay after...all of that.”

“But why?”

Dream’s voice is small, nearly a sob, and Punz directs wide, alarmed eyes to where he’s hunched in over himself, knees pulled to his chest, hands staring at the sheets pulled over them. “Why?” he says, again, quieter, lip trembling slightly.

“Because you were tortured,” Punz begins, words slow as they watch Dream’s expression, trying to pull out the thoughts behind his averted eyes, “Because the cell was inhumane, and nobody deserves to be treated like that. Because you were hurt very, very badly because of what we did, and none of us are expecting you to be fine right after going through months of trauma.” He pauses. “You know that, right?”

“But I’m out,” Dream says, quiet, disbelieving, instead of answering their question. “I’m out of there. It’s over. It’s- everything’s good,” he whispers, more to himself than to them, hands curling into fists and then uncurling. “I’m- they said I would never get out. And I’m outside, and it’s not- not the cell, and I get real food, and Quackity doesn’t visit anymore,” he shakes his head, eyes squeezing shut as his breath catches in his throat. “I’m happy- I should be happy. Right?”

“Oh Dream,” the other man flinches back, breath quickening, and Punz’s hand stops short from where he’d almost let it fall onto the other’s shoulder. “You don’t have to be happy, man. Not- not after all of that. Not if you’re not ready yet.” Dream’s eyes, wide and wet, rise to look at their own, and they feel more than hear the soft, wounded noise that leaves their lips. “It’s ok to be hurt. It’s ok to be scared. No one’s blaming you, alright? No one’s gonna hurt you anymore.”

This, more than anything, seems to be the breaking point, because Dream collapses forward, hands flying up to pull at his tangled hair before Punz manages to ease them away and into his own hands, watching as he grips onto them until his knuckles go white. His breathing shudders, quiet, even his sobs muffled as to make as little noise as possible, and they murmur meaningless croons and hums as he cries into their chest.

“I wanna- I wanna be okay,” he hiccups, and Punz smooths his hair back behind their hand.

“I know,” he swallows around the lump that has risen in his own throat. “I’m sorry.”

[alotsgonnachange]

Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

[ithinkofnealcassady]

hi! idk if ur taking prompts or anything but can you write something abt peter being (selectively) mute? it can come from him being autistic or as a coping mechanism or however! even better if tony can help overcome it. thank u sm❣️

lemme just preface with the fact that my experiences are not universal and that i didn’t even understand that i’m literally selectively mute until less than a week ago. nevertheless, i hope this fulfills what you wanted <3

---

Peter doesn’t mean to be doing it.

It’s just that he’s been laying flat atop his sheets for almost two hours now, letting the idle spin of the white ceiling fan raise chills on his legs where they jab out of his too-loose boxers.

He’s got an incessant humming at the back of his neck though the rest of him is cavernous and cool. His eyes hurt. He can’t sleep.

He’s snapping one of MJ’s hair ties against the inside of his wrist. It’s supposed to make him come back into his body. It isn’t working. It feels like he’s up there bobbing on the breeze from the fan. Like suspension as a concept is tenuous and there is no webbing and Peter has been freefalling for ages and he still can’t see the ground.

He’d rather splat. He’d rather hit the ground, guts and grime and all, than keep hovering.

Johnny is off doing alien shit. MJ has an internship. May is on a shift. Ned hasn’t answered his texts.

There’s nothing holding him here.

It’s all too easy to let go.

Peter’s vision slips out of focus.

Time moves like ribbon curls and spilled honey; like sanded wood planks and fingerprints smudged on window panes; like the starchy water left after boiling potatoes and wet ink bleeding across the page.

It is all angles and pains and endless fields of undulating wheat, and then it isn’t.

Focus is painfully sharp. He immediately wants to retreat back into himself.

There’s a warm hand on his wrist. Peter fumbles the hair tie. It snaps onto fingers that are not his, rather than the thin skin over his palm.

“Stop that,” says Tony’s gruff voice, “quit it, kid, stop.”

Peter blinks. He turns towards Tony. He doesn’t know why Tony is in his apartment.

“School called,” Tony says, as if he reads minds. “You didn’t show up. They called May, and she called me to come and check on you since her shift isn’t up until twelve.”

Peter looks idly at Tony.

Tony’s hand skims over Peter’s forehead so lightly that Peter isn’t sure it happened. Peter thinks Tony’s palm is shaking. Peter thinks Tony’s eyes look heavy.

“One of those days?” Tony says.

Peter breathes. Somewhere inside his chest the answer is pulsating—it’s grabbing onto his ribs and rattling them like prison bars—but nothing. Nothing rises to his mouth.

Something, some great and primordial It, stoppers his throat, makes him stupid. Helpless. He fucking hates being helpless. All he does is try not to be.

He closes his eyes when his lower lip trembles. His throat is painfully tight. He hates feeling like this. He doesn’t get it. Nothing happened. Why does he feel like he’s sunk a foot into the foam of his mattress.

“Alright,” Tony says. “Hey, okay, I’m here now. We can fix this. I know we can. You know the first step? Because I do and I’m willing to share my answer with the class. Here it is: sit up. That’s the first thing. That’s always the first step. Come on, up, let’s sit up.”

Tony’s hand squeezes Peter’s shoulder three times, fast. Peter pushes himself up. He must. Because he’s sitting. His elbows feel strange. Too big. Too bendy.

“Hey, look at that,” says Tony. “You nailed it. Olympic gold worthy. I’ll contact the YMCA. You need a minute? Let’s take a minute. Step one, done. You earned a minute, I’m—here, scoot. Move that leg, I’m coming in hot like a mofo. Do the kids say that? I think I heard it on a TV show once and, frankly, it baffled me.”

Tony wedges himself onto Peter’s mattress and leans back against the headboard.

Peter looks at him, all decked in a massive hoodie and ratty sweatpants. His face is strange and blurry. Warped like he’s watching the bottom of a swimming pool writhe. Peter feels like he doesn’t recognize Tony. Peter feels like he would recognize Tony blind and backwards and upside down. He does not understand this feeling. It’s infuriating. He wants to reach down his throat and into his chest and pull it out like those clown napkins neatly tied in brightly-colored knots.

Tony sighs, settling against Peter’s pillows.

He gives a good show. As if this is normal. Any of this at all.

Tony turns his head towards Peter, then pats Peter’s cold kneecap.

He turns away again.

Peter thinks that if some magic spell could summon from his chest the sound that has been pushed so deep it would never otherwise be heard, it would be a guttural, fractured scream.

His finger loops around the hair tie.

Before he can snap it, Tony’s hand stops him. Cuffs around Peter’s wrist, all calluses and divots and swirled prints.

Peter can feel every rise and fall against his skin.

“How are we doing during our little interlude?” Tony says. “More interlude? Less interlude? Terminated interlude? All of the above are fine. Just keep me updated. A memo on my desk will suffice.”

Peter clenches his jaw.

“Oh, he’s mad. Okay. I can give you time. How about the next step for today is a shower? You look like you’re fucking freezing. Go take a warm shower. I’ll do that fancy thoughtful thing where I throw a towel in the dryer for you so it’s all toasty when you get out. Remember to wash behind your ears and everything.”

Tony slides off the mattress and stands beside it. He stares at Peter, open, patient.

Peter pushes himself off the mattress. The floor beneath his feet feels like a memory.

Tony says, “Hey, look at you! Nice. We’re making shit happen, folks. Into the bathroom with you, young one. Throw your towel out the door. I’ll go fix it up nice.”

Peter follows the instructions at half-pace.

In the shower, he finds himself sitting under the stream. He does not remember why he sat. He doesn’t feel lightheaded. Or nauseous. Or anything else at all.

He finds his footing. Stands. Soaps himself.

The garbled sound of the water calms him, even if he feels matted eight layers deep.

When he gets out, the towel is waiting beside a stack of his clothes. All of them are warmed.

He gets dressed and pads out of the bathroom.

Tony is standing at the stove. He’s cooking something. Peter cannot tell what it is.

Tony snorts. “You tuck your sweatpants into your socks? God, I shouldn’t be surprised. You do seem like the sock-tucking type. I bet you single-cuff your jeans or something. Fold your underwear in thirds. Hang your sweaters.”

The worst thing is that Peter has the comeback ready. Like a normal person? he wants to say. Like a normal person? sits on the back of his tongue. He can’t say the words. Neurotypical who? Not him.

God, even joking in his own freaking head sounds discordant.

Peter pushes himself up onto the counter and sits, legs dangling.

Tony continues to cook. Every once in a while, Tony will start to hum, then stop. He’ll get halfway into a verse and then quit as if he forgets the words.

Peter cannot pick up a single melody.

Tony is rather suddenly before him, plate in hand. It’s laden with eggs and turkey sausage. Two slices of toast. A peeled orange.

Tony peeled an orange without Peter noticing. Without smelling, even.

Peter takes the plate. It wavers in his hands but he rights it.

Tony does not begin to clean the cookware until Peter has stabbed a sausage with his fork and begun to chew it.

His mouth feels like it’s full of glue. His whole existence is a cotton ball. Fucking Christ. He’s so tired of feeling like this.

The next time Tony taps him, it’s on the elbow.

Peter starts.

Tony catches his plate before it can slip off his lap.

Tony taps Peter’s temple twice. “You’ve been—out there for a while. That place I can’t follow you. Food is getting cold. I expect it all to be finished. I know I’m the cool parent but I will not budge on this one.”

Peter stares.

“I know,” Tony says, voice breaking. “God, I know, Pete. It’s okay. Just some breakfast. It’s fine. You can do that, I know you can.”

Peter knows he can too. He knows he can, and he’s pissed because he feels like the crater punched into the earth’s crust that wiped out the dinosaurs, all smoking and empty and awful. He can finish a plate of fucking eggs. Toast. He loves oranges. He can do this.

It feels like he can’t. It feels like an undertaking. The epic sort.

He grits his teeth, stabs a chunk of egg, and does it. It’s like pulling himself along by the ends of his nails, but on the inside.

When he’s finished, he feels sick rather than bolstered.

But Tony takes his plate, grinning, and washes it for him. Whistling from between his teeth, now.

Peter’s finger hooks the hair tie. He knows that if he snaps it hard enough he’ll come back.

He does it once, twice. Nothing. He hears the slap against his skin. It feels like nothing more than a pinch.

“Hey, stop that,” Tony says, hands wet and sudsy as he takes the tie off Peter’s wrist.

Peter blinks at his skin. It’s mottled red, lightly bruised. He hadn’t realized.

It was supposed to fix him.

“I’m keeping this. I’ll personally give it back to Michelle. This isn’t May’s. It’s not May’s, right? She only uses scrunchies. She’s a child of the flowers, bless her hippie heart. Okay. Pocketing it. Let me finish the dishes. I need May to love me. Okay. Be right back.”

Tony pats Peter’s knee before he goes.

Peter watches the wet spot from Tony’s hand grow on the fabric of his sweats.

Tony brings him to the couch. The couch is not big. It is deep and too soft and sometimes, if you sit wrong, you get a butthole piercing from the springs.

Tony wraps him in a blanket. And then another. One is a quilt Ben made. The other is a blanket so enormous and thick that Peter is faintly sure it will smother him.

But he lets Tony wrap him up. Because he has no other choice. And because a little part of him—one tenacious bit who hasn’t lost hope—deeply wants Tony to fix this for him, and trusts that Tony knows what he’s doing.

Tony settles onto the couch next to Peter, tossing an arm across the back. His fingertips scratch Peter’s neck, along the knots of his spine.

“We could watch something,” Tony suggests. “I tend to think watching something after eating aids the digestive process. Gets the systems moving. Sound good? Let’s watch something fun. Let’s watch Ferris Bueller. God, that poor bastard. What mother would name their child Ferris? And he’s such a successful kid too. That’s overcoming adversity right there.”

Tony fumbles with the remote. He pulls up the movie. Peter sits in his blanket nest.

The film starts with the iconic monologue sequence.

Something in Peter settles seeing it. It’s so familiar to him, he could recite the whole script end-to-end.

Not now, probably. But usually.

It itches in his chest.

Tony hums rather than laughs during movies. A soft noise with his lips pressed together. A light smile.

He seems so calm. At ease. Peter doesn’t get it. Tony is always freaking out, especially when there’s absolutely nothing wrong, but not now.

Peter can’t make himself speak and Tony isn’t freaking out. That’s weird.

But maybe it’s good. Maybe. Because Tony acting normal might make Peter’s subconscious feel normal and then everything will click back into place and Peter can stop being so helpless and pissed and nonexistent.

It doesn’t reboot his subconscious. What it does is make him sleepy. The brush of Tony’s fingers, the familiar cadence of the movie—Peter drifts, and this time, he sleeps.

He’s shaken awake what feels like hours later.

He opens a bleary eye. Everything is moving.

A great mane of braided hair whacks him across the face.

He sputters.

“Oh, shit. Sorry. Sorry, baby, just me, joining in on the cuddle sesh. Don’t worry, I changed out of my scrubs first. I know how much you hate being near my dirty work scrubs. Which astounds me, considering Ben saw you sneak a pizza crust out of the trash once when you were a kid.”

She settles next to him on the far side, where a snoring Tony isn’t.

She wraps her arm around Peter’s waist, strong and lithe and familiar, and Peter feels it.

It makes his eyes ache.

He swallows and swallows. He turns to May. He presses a firm kiss to her cheek.

“I love you too, honey,” she says, poking her nose into his neck. They’ve never needed words to communicate anyway.

He closes his eyes, warm enough to bake, surrounded on every side with stifling love.

He sleeps, chasing the sun across the sky, and when he wakes again, he wakes.

[beauzoleils]

ABIGAIL  COWEN ,  CISFEMALE ,  SHE / HER    →   according  to  the  school  records ,  NATALIE  LUCILLE  BEAUSOLEIL  has  been  attending  sacred  heart  for  the  past  three  years .  i  last  saw  them   hanging  around  the  john  bracken  library  ;  i  think  they  were  working  on  writing  her  novel .  at  twenty - one  years  old ,  natalie  has  been  studying  english  literature  and  get  this ,  i   heard  that  she’ll  zone  out  while  writing  papers  for  class  and  come  to  surrounded  by  pages  and  pages  full  of  archaic  languages  she  doesn’t  speak   —   figure  it’s  true ?  everyone  around  here  always  associates  them  with  a  moonlight  sonata  echoing  through  empty  halls ,  seats  in  the  back  row  at  the  opera ,  and  dead  flowers  pressed  between  the  pages  of  an  old  book .  in  the  time  since  these  strange  happenings ,  they  have  encountered  unexplained  occurrences .     

HI ,  hello .  i’m  hannah  n  this  is  like .  the  only  thing  i’ve  been  thinking  about  recently ,  aka  i’m  so  excited .  ok  anyway !  i’m  20 ,  kickin  it  in  the  est !  i’m  a  full  time  student  ( majoring  in  being  a  dumb  bitch  n  gay  rights  and  i’m  at  the  top  of  my  class  baby . . )  and  i’m  ALSO  a  preschool  teacher  so  if  i’m  ever  Not  here ,  i’m  with  my  babies  ! !  but  that  isn’t  the  reason  why  ur  all  here . .   ur  here  for  an  intro  post !  so !  

let’s  talk  abt  my  girl . . .  𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐄  𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐈𝐋 !

okay .  so .  first  thing’s  first .  i  have  some  Real  Things  prepared  for  my  girl ,  including  but  not  limited  to :

a  pinterest  board !

a  stats  page !

and  what  i  call  NATALIE :  A  TRAGEDY  IN  THREE  ACTS .  it’s  kind  of  a  bio ,  mixed  in  with  some  stage  directions  here  and  there .  it’s  a  quick  read  n  rly  gives  you  that  Natalie  Flavor  if  you  know  what  i  mean . .  so  if  you  feel  so  inclined  n  wanna  take  a  look . .  but  full  disclosure  it  rly  does  hit  different  than  just  reading  this  intro 

anyway !  i’ll  give  a  more  condensed  version  of  her  bio  here  n  some  info  abt  her  personality  n  some  random  headcanons . .  etc !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈 :  𝑨 𝑯𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝒀

alright  SO .  our  girl  natalie  was  born  on  april  13 ,  1952  to  michel  and  colette  beausoleil .  it  was  a  thursday ,  and  it  was  ALSO  eleven  weeks  before  colette’s  due  date ,  so  we  all  know  that  can’t  be  good 

( spoiler  alert :  it  wasn’t )

natalie  was  supposed  to  be  a  twin ,  but  the  other  baby  ( a  boy  named  pierre )  didn’t  survive .  they  didn’t  think  that  natalie  would ,  but  she did !  unfortunately ,  her  parents  were  too  wounded  by  the  loss  of  their  other  baby  and  it  was  all grieving  and  no  celebrating .  

also .  there’s  more  info  abt  her  parents  n  how  they  met  in  the  bio  but ,  a  sparknotes  version  is  that  michel  was  a  playwright  in  paris  and  colette  was  a  ballerina / his  muse  and  they  rushed  into  a  marriage 

michel  made  it  rly  big  a  couple  yrs  after  natalie  was  born  and  so  they  decided  to  use  that  $ $ $  to  send  natalie  away  to  an  expensive  boarding  school  in  london  called  our  lady  of  sacred  suffering .  it  was ,  of  course ,  a  catholic  girls  boarding  school  and  natalie  hated  it  there

but  they  hated  natalie  there  bc  she  was  just  the  WORST  catholic  school  girl  of  all  time ,  so  it  was  mutual

meanwhile ,  her  relationship  w  her  parents  is . .  very  complicated .  her  dad  is  just  kind  of  The  Worst  across  the  board ,  very  reliant  on  drinking ,  definitely  got  into  drug  use  at  some  point ,  had  lots  of  affairs  with  the  young  actresses  in  his  plays .  and  colette  was  just . .  very  sad  and  very  absent  so  the  support  was  Minimal

natalie  has  a  lot  of  issues  that  are  all  rooted  in  her  childhood  tbh .

somewhere  along  the  way ,  she  found  a  deep  passion  for  Writing  and  developed  this  sense  of  purpose  and  for  a  minute  things  were  going  very  well 

which  we  all  know  means  things  are  about  to  get  WORSE . 

on  her  eighteenth  birthday ,  natalie  receieves  a  card  in  the  mail  from  her  mother  for  the  First  Time  Ever .  and  she  immediately  is  like .  huh .  well .  something  is  Wrong .

she’s  right .

( tw :  nondescript  mentions  of  car  crashes  &  death )

a  week  later ,  she  receives  word  that  her  parents  were  involved  in  a  serious  car  accident  at  the  pont  de  l’alma  tunnel  in  paris  and  her  did  not  survive  the  accident .

( end  tw )

her  mother’s  family  is  not  convinced  that  michel  should  walk  away  from  this  without  blame  and  decides  to  take  legal  action  against  him  and  get  him  convicted  with  a  more  serious  charge  than  just  manslaughter . 

they  promise  to  keep  natalie  out  of  it  as  much  as  possible  but  when  it  comes  time  to  testify  as  to  whether  or  not  michel  had  a  history  of  not  caring  about  colette’s  life  and  well - being ,  the  only  one  who  can  speak  to  it  is  natalie .

so  she  testifies  and  it’s  her  testimony  that  is  the  metaphorical  nail  in  the  coffin .  

( tw :  suicide  mention )

michel  knows  it ,  too .  that’s  what  natalie  thinks .  he  turns  up  dead  in  his  jail  cell  the  day  before  he’s  supposed  to  be  sentenced .  she  never  knows  if  he  deserved  the  life  sentence  he  was  going  to  be  given .

( end  tw ) 

so  then !  she’s  an  orphan !  but  she  does  gain  control  over  everything  that  her  parents  left  behind ,  which  turns  out  to  be  a  lot .  

she  sells  their  house  in  paris ,  goes  to  wales  to  begin  university ,  and  hasn’t  gone  back  since  then .  but  like ,  she  grew  up  in  london  for  the  most  part  so  she’s  not  exactly  sad  about  being  away  from  paris  and  all  the  ghosts  there .

and  now  she’s  at  sacred  heart ,  working  on  writing  her  debut  novel ,  which  is  the  ( albeit ,  dramatized  and  fictionalized )  story  of  her  parents !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈𝐈 :  𝑨  𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀 .

so  basically ,  she’s  got  issues .

fictional  character  inspo  includes :  jo  march ,  alaska  young ,  cheryl  blossom

if  you  know  anything  abt  astrology . .  she’s  an  aries  sun ,  mercury ,  and  venus . .  and  a  scorpio  moon  and  mars . .  and  a  gemini  rising . .  i’m  so  sorry JKDSFM

she’s  very  emotional  but  does  a  super  good  job  of  hiding  it  and  keeping  all  those  emotions  ( esp  the  intense  n  darker  ones )  buried  away . .  deep  down  where  no  one  could  see  it

the  minute  that  ppl  kind  of  ? ?  but  two  and  two  together  n  realize  who  she  is  ( bc . .  in  my  head . .  her  dad’s  whole  trial  was  kind  of .  A  Thing  that  the  public  knew  abt . )  they’re  probably  rly  concerned  w  Little  she  shows  any  real  emotion  to  the  whole  thing . 

rly  she’s  just  the  queen  of  compartmentalizing  n  repressing !

she’s  very . .  Assertive .  like ,  when  she  wants  something  she’s  going  to  do  whatever  it  takes  to  get  her  way  

very  Very  reckless .  she’s  like . .  so  fucking  impulsive  that  it  physically  Pains  me  sometimes .

she’s  very  smart  but  like .  More  So ,  she’s  very  clever  and  very  sharp  with  her  words .  a  very  fast  thinker  and  a  very  loud  talker 

someone  please . .  tell  her  to  stop  yelling .  she  needs  to  Relax . 

she’s  very  charming  i’ll  say  it .  n  like ?  seems  cool ?  the  kind  of  person  that  you  meet  and  immediately  want  to  hang  out  w  them .  

very  flirty ,  has  always  used  that  charming  smile  of  hers  to  get  ppl  in  her  corner  and  she’s  not  gonna  stop  now !  she’s  very  good  at  making  ppl  feel  special  

but  like .  she  means  well  most  of  the  time  sdkfj  her  heart  is  in  the  right  place  okay

big  time  trust  issues .  big  time  commitment  issues .  painfully  independent  and  refuses  to  let  anyone  know  how  much  she  cares  about  them  until  she’s  like . .  Really  sure  that  they  aren’t  going  to  hurt  her

also  very  afraid  of  hurting  people ,  which  is  another  reason  why  she  struggles  to  get  attached  to  people .  she  definitely  has  this  deep - rooted  fear  that  Bad  Things  follower  her  and  she  doesn’t  want  to  drag  ppl  into  that

it’s  literally  a  toss - up  as  to  whether  she’s  going  to  seem  like  she’s  demanding  ur  attention  or  entirely  disinterested  in  it .  bc  she’s  all  over  the  place . 

but  like .  i’m  an  emotional  BITCH  so  she’s  probably  going  to  end  up  being  100000%  softer  than  i  intend  bc  i  project  too  much  soft  bitch  energy  onto  my  characters  Always .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈𝐈𝐈 :  𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺 .

so  many  things .  literally ,  anything .  just  a  disclaimer ,  if  u  read  thru  this  and  had  An  Idea  then  like .  yes  Pls  tell  me ,  i  want  it  xoxo 

but  here  are  some  i  have  up  in  the  old . .  noggin .

EXES .  please ,  please . .  for  the  love  of  GOD  give  me  some  angsty  exes  nonsense .  do  you  need  someone  who  broke  ur  characters  heart ?  consider  natalie  UR  GIRL .  she’s  Emotionally  Damaged  and  has  the  capacity  to  be  the  angstiest  ex  of  all  time ,  okay ?

give  her  a  weakness .  she  needs  someone  who  she’s  Actually  vulnerable  around  and  actually  sees  her  have  emotions  and  knows  she’s  not  just  this  huge  Mess  all  the  time

i  rly  want  someone  that  is  like .  from  the  same  ( ish )  bg  as  her  in  the  sense  that  like . .  they  also  were  surrounded  by  nice  clothes  n   expensive  private  schools  n  Luxury  but  like .  they  Thrive  in  it  the  way  natalie  used  to  wish  that  she  could .  n  just .  i  think  it  would  b  a  super  interesting  dynamic  bc  they  would  just !  clash !  so  intensely ! !  n  tbh  nat  would  probably  b  lowkey  jealous  Still  n .  spicy !

@ all  those  ppl  who  are  into  theatre :  i’m  Dying  for  some  connections  of  ppl  who  knew / knew  of  her  father  n  would  know  what  happened  w  him  perhaps  on  a  deeper  level  than  ppl  who  read  it  in  the  newspaper  a  few  yrs  ago . .  ( bonus  points  if  they  lowkey  idolized / looked  up  to  her  dad  bc  thats  a  Big  Mess  and  could  b  spicy  as  fuck  to  explore ,  u know ? ) 

idk  if  any  of  y’all  have  characters  who  grew  up  in / around  paris ?  but  if  there  are . .  then  Perhaps  someone  who  knew  her  in  her  youth ?

okay .  not  to  be  Trash  but  like .  i  rly  want  her  to  have  a  dynamic  that’s  jo  x  laurie  adjacent ?  do  they  have  to  be  in  love  w  her ?  no !  i  just  want someone  that  has  that  genuine  bond  w  her  and  they  care  abt  each  other  n  goof  around  n  like . .  i’m  already  getting  soft  on  main ,  huh , ,

she’s  soo  fucking  messy  that  like . .  all  the  messy  fwb / frenemies  with  benefits / one  night  stand  type  of  plots . .  yes  pls 

i  always  want  there  to  b  a  badass  girl  squad  like .  a  group  of  ladies  n  theydies  that  take  no  shit  n  get  in  fights  for  each  other  n  rly  truly  ride  or  die  w  each  other . .  we  can  workshop  the  name  ok  but  for  now ?  my  girl  squad  is  open  for  applications 

okay .  let  me  cut  myself  off  right  there  but  i’ll  leave  you  with  my  WANTED  CONNECTIONS  TAG  n  also  again  i’m 10000%  okay  to  just  brainstorm  out  something  else  completely  if  its  what  ur  feeling !

if  u  read  all / any  of  this . .  i  love  u . <3  either hmu on discord ( let's go 𝓁𝑒𝓈𝒷𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓈 ! #6227 ) ksdjfskm  OR !  like  this  n  i  will  come  to  u !  okay ,  that’s  all ,  bye 

[blacknovelist]

K A T S U K I B A K U G O, for the ask thingy please! Thank you!

i love these letter headcanons so much, my dudes

(okay so like, honesty hour it’s been a Solid While since I’ve read BNHA and I haven’t caught up yet but here’s my hot takes as requested.

I think the last I solidly caught up was about, like, the cultural festival? So if something happened later to like, contradict with these, just disregard it and don’t let me know - I’ll catch up and see for myself eventually.)

K: how do you know when you’ve upset them?

See, the thing about Bakugo is - he’s a loud sort, and it’s easy to assume (so very, very, very easy) that he is so in everything he ever does. He screams and hisses and swears and shouts at so many things, it’s his defining trait. The thing is, it’s not his volume that tells you first, if you know what to look for.

Nah, it’s in the look on his face. The way the lines of his cheek n jaw shift and his hands twitch and for a moment he ain’t just glaring and frowning at you or the world but at himself, too. When he realizes he’s upset his first instinct is always to reach inward, somehow - whether bodily or mentally or both, it depends - and study it. Examine it. Look at it. Once he’s got it pinned, then, then he’s gotta look for an outlet - a means to further that understanding if you will. And sometimes maybe also he’ll look to lash out at someone he sees as responsible for his pain, if such a person exists. It’s just, his brain works so fast - Bakugo is a prodigy in his own right, brilliant beneath all that rage - that actually noticing that moment, not passing it off as a fidget or a twitch or anything else it isn’t, is already hard enough as it is.

See like, his shouting, it’s a defense, but it’s also just who he is (be loud, they’ll notice you, attention is good). It’s that half-step pause, when he’s knocked off balance and that unsure look crosses his face as he does, thats when you know.

And then he’ll blast your ears off one way or another, and if you didn’t notice he’ll usually get louder and start cussing you out and you kind of have to notice. Unless you’ve really really upset him - then he goes a little quieter (in the way a car horn is softer than a foghorn) and obliterates you with his words. Bakugo will always know the most efficient way to shut someone down using only his words, you just gotta coax him to it. And when he’s upset, well, no one wants to keep talking to someone who’s made them upset - ending the conversation by returning the favor is just a bonus.

(Of course, I’m registering “upset” as not including or being the same as “anger”, at least at it’s core (bc he’ll progress to being angry abt it eventually), because Bakugo being angry is something we’re all quite familiar with. And of course, this is assuming someone has found the right buttons to push to even make him upset, given the fact that I also believe he just doesn’t care enough to really let what others say get to him.

If anyone’s gonna make Bakugo genuinely upset, I’d bet more money on it being himself - thinking, dreaming, wondering, questioning everything he’s done and is doing and will someday do, probably - than anyone else. But were that not the case, well. Here we are.)

A: what are/were their best subjects in school?

Bakugo is a boy of many talents - you need the best grades to get into UA, after all. I think he probably did best in English, because All Might is known to speak English phrases from time to time. (This is related to the fact that Bakugo is the English teacher in Ageswap)

He likely also is good with chemistry, given his Quirk - he’s gotta understand reactions and gases and which ones are where generally, the interactions of substances and those gasses with his Quirk and also their reactions when exposed to heat/light/etc, what things he can use to fuel explosions or put out fires caused by it, so on.

T: Where are they ticklish?

I don’t particularly imagine Bakugo as a ticklish person? Partially because he wouldn’t let anyone close enough to tickle, but mostly because he just doesn’t strike me like that (and it’s not because I’m not ticklish, because I am unfortunately extremely so). If I had to give a place, I’d say it’s probably somewhere a little strange, like the soles of his feet or the back of his neck or something.

S: How stealthy are they?

At first glance, unbelievably so. Those who know Bakugo know better, of course, but nonetheless. Despite the boisterous and angry manner Bakugo holds himself he is, again, extremely smart. He knows when to be subtle, when to quiet down and, most important in this case, when to lay low and sneak.

I don’t think I’d put him as like, top sneaker of the class, but the boy knows how to creep when he needs to. On a scale where say, Hagakure was 10/10, I’d pin him a solid 6 or 7/10 when he’s actually trying.

U: What’s their voice like?

I’ve always imagined his voice as always having a sort of… edge to it. Not a gritty-sounding emo sort of edge but like,, like he’s always chomping at the bit to end a conversation, I guess. Also, he talks a little quickly when he’s not swearing specifically at someone - not so fast that he’s incomprehensible, but more like what he’s saying is obvious and he can’t understand why you don’t see it that way either. It’s not malicious or on purpose, it’s just how he is.

I: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?

Mmm. As a kid, a solid 9 or 10 - back then he was too young, just a boy with the entire damn world at his fingertips. He never had reason to believe he was anything less than the absolute best, and that’s fine.

At the start of the series I’d say he, to others, looks like he’s always on the high end of the spectrum (7-10 out of 10), and I’d say back then he probably felt it too. Middle schoolers are the absolute worst, I have no trouble believing he has that much confidence in the beginning.

By the boot camp he’s still putting off solid 7-10 vibes (I think there’s never a time he isn’t putting on that air with the world so just assume he is pls) but I think - with all the hits his self-confidence, what with how different UA is to anything else he’s ever known - he’s sitting at closer to 5’s and 6’s. After Kamino? He drops below 5 and for every moment he thinks about it (about the fight, about All Might, about the hero career that almost ended and the one that actually did) it continues to go down. The thing being, of course, that he doesn’t act it, and a part of me imagines he stays in partial denial (“I feel like this but maybe I don’t”) until about the provisional license. (Though, I don’t think he drops lower than 3)

Idk, maybe it’s just been a while and I’m overthinking it but I get the vibes that Bakugo vaguely acknowledging Izuku in that moment in the exam? It was kinda the moment it clicked in his own brain, an understanding of what Izuku has been given based on what he knows, so to speak, and how different it is from him. I think that’s when he stops denying how low he thinks he’s sunk, which leads to him wanting to get answers, which leads to the fight. Which is such a good moment, holy shit.

I think it’s after that that Bakugo starts working towards building himself back up internally. Needing to take that additional thing to get his license was a blow, but he’s nothing if not determined - he’ll make that comeback, just you wait. He’s a solid and even 6-7 by the cultural festival, and holding strong.

(Again: I haven’t caught up with canon for a very long time, so if canon seems to contradict me or if you’re looking for a look at how he is now, sorry)

B: Do they have any allergies?

Nope. Everyone hates him come allergy season because he’s always cool as a cucumber and the same as he always is.

G: How do they flirt?

man, this is so far out of my jurisdiction

here’s some true facts kids: I don’t generally judge ships and if it’s in character i’ll read almost anything

but i’m also not a shipper, at all. Given the option, I’d sooner throw my entire being into the pit that is “platonic shit” than have to deal with an excess of it.

So like, I’m not here for romance, and I tend to rely on tropes when I am, but Bakugo lands in that hotspot of “would not fulfill those romance tropes on his own of his own volition”.

I guess if I had to say, I think he’d probably extend invitations to let the person he’s interacting with learn more about him in general - hobbies n habits n shit like that. That is to say, he’d absolutely invite someone hiking or to spar or whatever in an attempt to both learn abt the person (how do they react) and to let them learn about him. He’s always struck me as being kind of private, so like, such a leap would probably mean a lot.

That’s as much as I’m getting from this one mate

O: What would it take to break them, inside and out?

We’ve already caught a good damn glimpse of this - you know that breakdown he has with Izuku, when he’s blaming himself for being the end of All Might?

Bakugo thrives on hard work and being the best (or at least, striving for it), and that leaves a number of ways for him to break, it’s just that he’s incredibly resilient as a person so it’s hard to tell.

The frustration of trying his best and still ending a situation with the worst case - a la Kamino but worse - would absolutely destroy him. Can you imagine? Working hard and powering through and doing everything in your damn power to do the right thing, to save yourself so you can save others, to be a hero, only for it to be for literally nothing in the end? The specific scenario I’ve got in mind is a little more long-term; I believe that if something big happened like that and he came out thinking it ended well enough, only for a shoe the size of the USA to drop on his head and disrupt everything he’s worked towards? Rendering nearly all their work for nothing? Revealing that he and everyone else played right into the villains’ hands, essentially making this their own faults?

Well, something would break in just any anyone.

(Alternately, a realization that everything you do is meaningless and a constant reinforcement of “you’ll never be who you want to be” would also do a pretty damn good job)

[diverdowns]

narciso anasui - 1 am character analysis

so, anasui — one of my favorite jjba characters, he’s probably somewhere around third or fourth on my list. i’ll do a quick rundown of his background and personality before i go in-depth into some of the arcs he’s in as well as some of his quotes, notably from the heavy weather arc and the made in heaven arc.

(as you might expect, major spoilers for all of part 6.)

i’ve tried to go easy on the headcanons and focus more on actual character analysis / meta stuff, so here we go.

anasui probably has some serious abandonment issues — we see in canon that it’s mentioned anasui had some major issues connecting with other people growing up, and so he developed a stilted sense of empathy + an obsession with dismantling / disassembling things. this presumably carried over to people — perhaps an underlying subconscious desire to understand people’s motivations that he couldn’t read on the surface through social cues that had, until that point, gone over his head. (or maybe he just really liked tinkering. who knows.)

judging at least from his obsession being allowed to grow unrestricted and out of hand as he continued to suffer socially as a result of it, we can probably assume that anasui’s parents probably didn’t care about him too much — at worst, they may have been neglectful or abusive. still, everything abt his parents is just speculation. notably mentioned in canon though: as a child, he disassembled his neighbor’s car, and was institutionalized for six months. being placed in a place like that for that long of a time does shit to you, and it’s def nothing pretty. add likely parental neglect to the equation, and you have abandonment issues just waiting to erupt.

(as a side note, psychologically, this is an obsessive ritual that can be seen in a number of conditions from asperger’s to alzheimer’s, so honestly any kind of mental illness speculation is fair game for anasui, but this isn’t the post for that.)

whatever the case, he seems to assimilate back into society once his awkward phase ended, though his strange upbringing probably left some lifelong habits / scars there, who knows. he doesn’t do anything to warrant serious attention until he’s 21. at this point, he has a (presumably) long-term, monogamous girlfriend — if it’s anything like the way he treated jolyne, we know that anasui is… overbearing, to say the least. in any case, he walks in on his girlfriend cheating on him when he makes a surprise visit to his girlfriend’s house, and murdered both of them, dismembering them so that “they would never come together again.”

it’s never mentioned if anasui was a stand user since birth, so we can assume he either used diver down to do all this disassembling or he was just…really good at taking things (and people) apart, but it’s likely that he’d had diver down from a young age — up until he’s imprisoned, it doesn’t seem like he was doing anything in particular that would’ve caused him to be normally strong enough to kill two grown adults on the spot, without the help of a stand. (then again, anasui’s capable of some pretty fucked up things either way, so this is just my speculation / hc.)

after his imprisonment, he has a full psychiatric analysis and — nobody can find anything technically wrong with him. besides his obsessive ritual and explosive temper, he’s…just a regular guy, albeit somewhat of an asshole. emporio mentions that his original obsession’s cause was never really discovered, as well. the murder of his girlfriend and girlfriend’s lover was highly publicized, his name being spread through news both on tv and in newspapers, so presumably the details of the crime were sufficiently brutal.

anasui shows a stunning lack of regard for most people’s wellbeing — for the most part, he ignores F.F. and offers little help as she fights kenzo and his dragon dream — though jolyne (and by extension, jotaro) is a notable exception. anasui claims to have fallen in love at first sight, attracted to jolyne by her iron will and strong determination to do the right thing and save her father, and expresses a strong desire to marry her. actually, when jolyne’s involved, he has an almost humorous lack of self-preservation — eg. during the green birth arc, when jolyne’s infected with a presumably fatal plant…infection…disease….thing, anasui not only touches the flowers growing across jolyne’s skin (trying to use his stand to destroy them from inside of jolyne’s body, to no avail) but also puts the flowers in his mouth, which while being played for laughs is also ridiculously foolish. (in general, though anasui ricochets heavily from being the comic relief character to being the stoic yet brash character in the main ensemble, mostly after weather’s death) there’s kind of an explanation for his reckless behavior, coming up later.

(keeping all of this in mind, and despite anasui’s willingness to use his stand to protect the main cast to the point of taking fatal blows for them, he is definitely not a good person. i just want to get that out of the way before someone accuses me of being like, an apologist lmao)

ok, so let’s go thru anasui’s main appearances, from his introduction onward.

emporio goes on to mention that “if weather report wasn’t here to keep [anasui] calm, there’s no telling what anasui’d do.” seeing as anasui is imprisoned when he’s 21, as mentioned in his introductory chapter, and he’s 25 when SO takes place, four years have passed since he’s landed in green dolphin street jail. (for reference, his sentence is for 12 years — relatively light for a double homicide, all things considered — so he’s served a third of that.) presumably, he’s known weather report for at least a majority of that time, as they at least have enough of a rapport for weather to keep anasui out of serious trouble. (weather is 39 during the events of SO. weather, for reference, has been in prison for around 20 years, since pucci took his memories from him when he was 16. also, at the beginning of the BR arc, weather has trouble using a sink that anasui with his impressive sink knowledge notes has been around in modern plumbing for at least 20 years. as a quick side note, anasui seems to have a ridiculous knowledge, in general, of a lot of mechanical things in general — during the yo-yo-ma arc, he spouts off the specifications of a random machine gun after just glancing at it.)

at the end of ch 697 we also just see a scene of weather and anasui hanging out in what appears to be some random ass hallway in the male ward of the prison with no guards around, so take that as you will lol. the two have presumably been hanging around each other for a while like this, so that’s interesting, at least.

the BR arc is where i really got into anasui, so let’s go a little in-depth on those chapters. anasui seems to know a whole bunch of random facts about disney world (though he holds a theme park guide in his hands while he spouts a bunch of random disney world facts, he doesn’t seem to look at it / open it until after he finishes talking, which draws out the legendary “where the fuck is mickey” line). he also mentions manhattan and rome, and how he’s been to neither of those places. it’s probably safe to assume that anasui is floridian — but maybe he’s just really passionate about orlando, who knows. he seems pretty passionate about sinks, too. other than that, not much real information is released here besides things like “anasui’s very passionate about mickey” and “weather report is a fan of post-impressionism”

so, on to the Fun Arc. heavy weather. when weather first gets his memories back, the first things he does, in order, are shove a injured person out of a chair, take said chair, and then force water into a doctor’s body to make him into a chair.

anasui, despite being a literal murderer and honestly doing plenty of fucked up things over the course of the series, flips his shit. he’s legitimately horrified, probably less so from what weather’s doing and more so that it’s weather that’s doing it. actually, weather kinda acts like anasui, honestly, so maybe this is also just anasui being a giant hypocrite, but hey. he’s literally described between chapters as having no idea what’s going on and being pretty freaked out — he’s just following weather at this point because he still has no idea where jolyne is.

(im going to note for my own self-satisfaction that despite weather’s whole “you’re only useful to me now cause you can kill me, anasui” line and all that, when pucci grabs anasui during weather’s fight against him, weather visibly reacts and gets worried regardless, so hey, my rarepair)

okay, after weather’s death, anasui makes a mini speech. (arguably, weather’s death is the turning point for anasui to take more of a serious and less of a comedic role.) here’s what he says:

“listen, jolyne. people have called me a ‘murderer.’ the papers have called me that, and i can’t say that i disagree with them. when people asked me if i would sacrifice myself for the sake of my family, i answered ‘no.’ i’d probably answer that way, now. my heart was never moved by them.”

(more evidence to suggest that anasui’s relationship with his family wasn’t necessarily the best.)

“but i know that i’d be willing to risk my life for something that was able to revive me. i used to be dead.”

interjection here: whether he’s talking about his betrayal (when his girlfriend cheated) or maybe just a general feeling of aimlessness towards life in general, this is pretty dark for anasui, actually. it’s one of the only times he even talks abt his crimes, and this is an interesting concept that araki explores a few times with multiple characters. (eg. anasui risks his life to revive himself with “love,” or what he thinks is love, in any case, to follow jolyne. abbacchio does something similar to follow buccellati, in p5. weather “revives himself” for revenge, and johnny in p7 for the hope of walking again.)

prior to giving himself a mission (jolyne), anasui thinks of himself as functionally dead. this also explains, for example, his nonchalance towards risking his own life and wellbeing for the others.

“weather was that way, too. weather came back to life when he left that prison. i can tell. so don’t think too deeply about what happened to him. these past few days, weather was happy. weather was already saved.”

— okay, in my mind, most of this is just shit anasui says to make jolyne and hermes feel better about weather’s sudden death. to an extent, it’s true: weather prior to getting his memories back was enraptured with the world outside the prison, helping innocent people, messing with sinks, reading fairy tales, but that’s not really the truth. after getting his memories back, weather admits to wanting to die, admitting that he took a cruel sense of pleasure in watching heavy weather run its course and telling anasui that in a twisted way, he’s glad anasui’s there so that he’d kill him. weather’s not happy.

(but who knows? in the end, the character that actually knew weather for the longest was anasui — maybe he’s right and that there was something that revived in weather that we didn’t get to see as the readers.)

but what’s interesting is that he doesn’t mention weather’s sudden transformation after getting his memories back, he lets jolyne and hermes carry on the weather they knew in their thoughts, instead of telling them the truth of weather’s personality. on my second read-through, i noticed that (besides pucci, i guess, and versace by proxy) anasui is the only one who sees weather’s true personality.

and maybe, dying for the sake of his goal (ie. weather’s attempted revenge) was close enough to redemption, in anasui’s eyes. if we pick apart weather’s final goals, he’s living only so that he can 1. take revenge on pucci and 2. die. honestly, in a sad, fucked up anasui-logic kind of way, weather dying in his attempt to kill pucci at least fulfills half of those goals, so it’s not a stretch that anasui could shrug and say “close enough i guess.” but imo, he still says what he does mostly to ease jolyne and hermes’ consciences. it’s one of his kinder moments.

in the actual final fight against pucci, anasui’s probably just behind jotaro in terms of fully grasping and understanding pucci’s abilities — and their implications in battle. his final plan is the only one they really have: because diver down is able to phase through and protect all of the others, he will take the first hit from pucci, and at that exact moment jotaro will stop time and presumably ora pucci into oblivion.

it doesn’t work, but the plan had merit and was surprisingly well thought-out, showing quite a few of his personality traits — while he’s angry and headstrong most of the time, he’s relatively good at thinking on his feet and is always quick to come up with plans, especially in battle. now let’s look at his last lines.

“don’t stop [pucci’s blow] before he hits me. do it after…”

while all the other characters pause and stare at him in shock after he says this, he’s relatively calm about it. he knows it’s the only chance they have, regardless of the danger it poses to himself. dying, to anasui, is not the worst that can happen — it’s having to live again with no purpose (which he’s established, atm, as jolyne).

“ever since i got out of prison, i’ve managed to stay alive… if i can just stay alive, keep this trend… then maybe i’ll ask jolyne to marry me. …or, you know, something like that.”

a lot of people do make light of this (and it’s somewhat comedic, for sure) but it’s interesting again to see how much this drives him. before i really get into it, let’s take a look at jolyne’s (infamous) response.

(jolyne:) “anasui… all right, ask me. […] your plan… it still as hope. it’s not darkness that drives you… even if there’s only one path that we can take, if there’s a hint of hope, then that’s the right path.

holy shit do i love this quote. in the end, anasui’s not… redeemed, not really. he’s still a murderer. he still feels no remorse over killing those people. but he’s not evil, either. his motivation is that he wants to live for real: he is driven by hope. and through all the morally grey protagonists of parts 5 on, this is what they all have in common: a hope or dream that gives someone who’d thought themselves dead something to live for. jolyne doesn’t say this because she’s suddenly in love with anasui, or because she wants to marry them, she says it because she’s realizing this — she’s realizing that anasui’s hope, his resolve, might be enough for this plan to work.

actually, in the end, in an ironic twist of fate, he does die for — and by — jolyne’s hand. (hah.) pucci redirects stone free’s punch into anasui’s torso, piercing through his chest and killing him near instantly. rip. and that, in any case, draws an end to this wall of text.

also i think one random fic i read mentioned a throwaway line that anasui apparently had about him having been married once in prison? i dont recall anything like that, but someone else has confirmed it (i’d love to find the source, if anyone has it!)

i’d love to get into the whole thing about his motivation in the first place: why anasui “falls in love” with jolyne and why that matters, as well as possible subconscious motivations for his obsessions/his stand ability but that’s falling solidly into the territory of hc’s, and not so much analysis/meta. 

i’ll write it up some other time, maybe, if there’s interest.