#the most obvious ones are like. cold (total shutdown of all feelings; physical or emotional)

[voiceofthe]

anyway vital to my understanding/interpretations of the voices is that they are all, fundamentally, trauma responses. some are just more obvious than others.

[dalathin-archived-blog]

⚡️💧💕 (!!!)

@birthwrought | how my muse experiences emotions | acceptingSorry this took forever! And sorry it’s so long. These are the big three and I got… wordy….

⚡️ ANGRY Anger is a difficult emotion for Séaghdha. It is so opposed to his typical empathetic nature that he struggles to process it, often feeling foreign in his own skin until he’s able to release or manage it. In short, sadness is a much, much easier emotion for Séaghdha than anger. How anger manifests in him is actually rather predictable, to a point, and there are three specific paths his anger takes.

First, usually seen regarding subjects or people close to his heart, he will have a burst of emotion and then quickly quiet and internalize. His emotional response can make him irrational and sometimes weakly accusatory. His feelings become hurt, even if the subject of his anger performed no slight against him personally, and he responds in a way that shows he has taken it to heart. The burst of temper, however, quickly dissolves into quiet melancholy as he somehow manages to twist the situation (no matter what it is) into his fault, quickly internalizing that guilt and perceived failure and banking it away to torture himself with later.

The second and most common reaction, and what the general public has been exposed to, is an instant switch to icy, intense calm. He adopts a cutting professionalism, merciless in execution and brutally honest in delivery. There is no holds barred, and he will tell you precisely what is on his mind in a calm, cold tone and steely eyes. While he will not mince words, he speaks in fact and observation, turning conversations around on people and trapping them in their own defense. It is a stark contrast to the warmth of his personality, seeming almost as if a different person entirely. He can, and will, make a person feel three inches tall and worth less than dust without any hesitation or remorse. This manifestation of his anger, however, is also not particularly long lasting. Once he has said his piece, he softens. He does not usually internalize unless the situation was particularly weighty.

The third and most  (read: exceedingly) rare form of anger for Séaghdha is only brought out in the most severe circumstances, such as harm coming to a dear loved one or great betrayal. It is unpredictable, unrestrained, and wild. This is the type of anger where it is best to stay the hell out of his way. Thankfully it, too, does not last long, usually dissolving into an emotional breakdown of sorts. It could be compared to a flash flood - it comes out of nowhere, viciously engulfs everything without bias, and goes away as quickly as it came, leaving behind a chaotic disaster area to try to manage.

💧 SAD Sadness is a very fluid thing for Séaghdha that ebbs and flows, sometimes soft and gentle, and other times crushing and oppressive. It is by far the easier emotion for him,  and it wouldn’t be a stretch to say he is experiencing some kind of quiet melancholy beneath the surface at any given time. It is an emotion that he feels deeply in his core, and it is one that has and continues to shape him. There are two primary modes of his experience of the emotion, both of which are easily observable.

Above all, though, it should be noted that Séaghdha will go to great lengths to assure everyone that he is fine, even when he knows it is obvious to everyone he is not. It is not a matter of pride so much as not wanting to be a burden, which he feels he is by venting or asking for help. He very much has the attitude that everyone else has enough on their plates and does not need to be dealing with his problems too, and that it is his responsibility to handle whatever is within his purview. He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and would willingly let it crush him if people do not step in to help, whether he likes it or not.

His natural state and thus the most common mode is that soft and gentle sorrow that drifts beneath the surface of his day-to-day life. His guilt complex and self-doubt are the greatest contributors to this, and it is his perceived failures, losses, and ineptitudes that are the main focus. He overthinks excessively, running over scenario after scenario of what he could have done or said differently and bombards himself with ‘what ifs.’  Physically what people will notice is a tiredness to his posture and the hush and distant eyes of one lost in thought. Occasionally he will offer a small, sad smile to any company, and will always politely decline to share his thoughts. However, while it is a thing that permeates his life, it does not stop him from functioning.

The other mode, which is substantially more severe, comes in stages and starts with a complete emotional shutdown. He adopts a detached stoicism to protect himself from total emotional collapse, opting not to feel at all over drowning in feeling too much. He becomes singularly focused on work or study to the exclusion of almost everything else, including self-care such as eating or sleeping. This tunnel vision eventually shifts into a kind of manic obsession as emotions come back in a flood, and he assumes a state of desperately trying to make everything better again. It’s at this point where he is most prone to the breakdown he was hoping to avoid, and if that point is reached, a collapse of sobs and a rapid decline in health is typical. After some rest, he is usually able to recover, although he does bank the occasion as yet another failure on his part to internalize.

While such a thing has not happened in his life to date (it would require something truly catastrophic [like your best friend betraying you and trying to take your arm] to cause it), there is a sort of ‘end all be all’ stage to his depression that crops up after he’s cycled through his usual modes. He slips again into an emotionless existence, though more akin to a catatonic state than detached stoicism. He will sit and stare into empty space for hours, neglect to get out of bed entirely, experience crying spells without warning before sliding back into empty staring, and fail to eat, speak, or sleep for days on end. He is mostly a danger to himself in this state, and if left unchecked could very well wither away.

💕 IN LOVE Continuing the theme of Séaghdha feeling things so very deeply, love in all its forms is an emotion that is all-encompassing and permeating in his life. It is something he feels in his core and his soul. Romantic love specifically is something he feels intensely and without restraint, and he would not have it any other way.

When Séaghdha is in love with someone, there is no possible way one cannot tell. It shows in everything that he does, right down to the way he lights up at hearing their name. He gives of himself unreservedly in love, trusting implicitly and without hesitation. He experiences love as a form of freedom, seeing it as an opportunity to grow and share with someone freely without borders or the pressure and restrictions of possession. He wants to be emotionally known as much as he wants to know his partner, to be as familiar with each other as they are with themselves.

In short, Séaghdha is capable of and experiences love with indescribable depth. There’s really no other way to put it.

[ladystylestores]

Your Monday Briefing – The New York Times

Two crises collide in the U.S.

Cities across the U.S. were smoldering on Sunday after a largely peaceful day of protests on Saturday turned into a night of chaos and violence.

Hundreds of people were arrested as the police clashed with demonstrators angry over the death, a week ago today, of George Floyd, a black man who was handcuffed and pinned to the ground by a white police officer in Minneapolis.

Emotions were already running high over the toll of the coronavirus pandemic. The U.S. has the world’s highest death count — more than 100,000 — and has shed tens of millions of jobs.

A first in decades: At least 75 American cities have seen protests in recent days, and mayors in more than two dozen have imposed curfews. It was the first time since 1968, after the assassination of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., that so many local leaders have issued such orders in the face of civic unrest.

President Trump on Friday said he would begin rolling back the special trade and financial privileges that the U.S. extends to Hong Kong after Chinese leaders pushed through their plan to enact a national security law that broadens their power in the territory.

Lawyers, bankers, professors and other professionals interviewed by The Times described a growing culture of fear in offices across Hong Kong. Employees face pressure to support pro-Beijing candidates in local elections and echo the Chinese government’s official line. Those who speak out can be punished or even forced out.

Uncertainty: Hong Kong’s success as a global financial hub stems from its status as a bridge between China’s economy and the rest of the world. Now that balance is looking increasingly precarious.

Quotable: “This looks like a new Cold War, and Hong Kong is being made a new Berlin,” said Claudia Mo, a lawmaker in the city’s pro-democracy camp.

Indian and Chinese troops fought with rocks, clubs and fists in recent episodes along their disputed border in the Himalayas. No shots were fired and no one thinks the two giants are about to go to war, but the escalation is troubling.

Our reporters looked into the border brawls and what might lie behind them: a new assertiveness from China and perhaps roads built by India near Tibet.

Here’s what else is happening

SpaceX docking: The capsule carrying two NASA astronauts docked at the International Space Station on Sunday, less than a day after a launch that marked the first time humans had ever traveled to orbit in a spacecraft built and operated by a private company.

G7 postponed: President Trump pushed back a Group of 7 meeting in the U.S. to September from next month after Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany said she would not attend in person over concerns about the coronavirus. Mr. Trump said he wanted to include Russia, Australia, South Korea and India to discuss the future of China.

Snapshot: Above, the drive-in theater at a vegetable market in Prague. Across Europe, drive-ins — with people kept apart in cars — have become a common means of circumventing pandemic restrictions.

What we’re reading: This essay in The Harvard Review. Lynda Richardson, a story editor, writes: “In a meditation on contact and distance in this age of quarantines, an eloquent writer finally comes to terms with a brutal attack in New York City many years ago.”

Now, a break from the news

Cook: For these crisp-on-the-outside, tender-on-the-inside scones, you can use an old banana or any frozen or fresh fruit.

Watch: Hou Hsiao-Hsien’s martial-arts movie “The Assassin” played widely, but here’s a look at some lesser-known works by Taiwan’s greatest filmmaker.

Listen: Money is a stressful subject at the best of times, and only more so in these worst of times. These seven podcasts will help you weather the financial storm.

Check out our At Home collection for more ideas on what to read, cook, watch, and do while staying safe at home.

And now for the Back Story on …

My world: a decade working from home

Mike Hale, a Times television critic, has spent 10 years working at home, binge-watching the newest television series. So when the pandemic hit, not that much changed for him. In fact, he discovered, other lives were becoming more like his.

Here’s what he wrote about his unchanging job for Times Insider.

This sense of sameness was buttressed by the ability of the TV industry, relatively speaking, to maintain some semblance of business as usual. Colleagues who covered arts that depended on the physical proximity of audiences — theater, dance, live music, art museums and galleries, even movies, which is to say just about all of them — suddenly found themselves scrambling to find things to write about. On TV, meanwhile, new shows kept coming out.

But the truth, of course, is that everything is changing, and change is quickly catching up to TV. The absence of live sports has been the most obvious effect of the pandemic, but the near-total shutdown of production on most non-news programming is already rejiggering schedules and playing havoc with the fall season (if that designation even means anything now).

Creators are just beginning to explore new and safe methods of making shows. (A leading-edge example, the dramatic anthology “Isolation Stories,” made it on the air this month in Britain and comes to BritBox in America in June.) The next time we do a TV preview, it will probably look a lot different.

And while TV critics have had it easier than just about anyone during this troubling and sometimes terrifying period, we haven’t been untouched. No matter how well-practiced you are at sitting on a couch and staring at a screen, you’re not doing it with the same level of comfort that you had before.

The urge to check the news is stronger. Any susceptibility you might have to feelings of general uselessness is doubled. Worst of all, everyone else in your building is now home during the day too, and instead of watching TV, they’re doing dance aerobics or practicing the cello.

That’s it for this briefing. See you next time.

— Carole

Thank you To Melissa Clark for the recipe, and to Theodore Kim and Jahaan Singh for the rest of the break from the news. You can reach the team at briefing@nytimes.com.

P.S. • We’re listening to “The Daily.” Our latest episode is on the crisis in Minneapolis. • Here’s our Mini Crossword, and a clue: Applaud (four letters). You can find all our puzzles here. • The New York Times Magazine won five National Magazine Awards — known as the Ellies — for Print and Digital Media from the American Society of Magazine Editors, the most for any publication.

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