#what he really wanted was a relationship with another boy

[split-spectrum]

YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN

Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Tags: extremely dubious consent, non-con elements, explicit sexual content, exhibitionism, age gap, established relationship, jealousy, possessive!joel, softdom!joel, unprotected sex, alcohol, hair pulling

Length: 3.3K

Summary: At a client's house party, you catch yourself getting jealous of other eyes on Joel. Joel pulls you aside to show you exactly what he thinks of that.

This is my first time writing for Joel Miller, so please go easy on me <3

☆☆☆

What is it about Joel that makes him most attractive when he's stuck somewhere he doesn't want to be?

You tip back the last of your whiskey sour, gazing at the tight creases in the corners of his eyes as he nods along with the blond guy who's been talking for twenty painful minutes about the crypto market. Joel is leaning back, arms folded over his chest, his big shoulders pushing at the seams of his denim shirt.

He once told you that no one besides you could tell his emotions on his face. You'd laughed and called bullshit at the time, telling him every thought in that pretty head of his showed up plain as day on his face, but right now it doesn't seem to matter. He's been looking like he'd swallowed glass since this guy started talking, and it doesn't seem to make a bit of difference to him.

When Joel had asked if you wanted to come along to the holiday party one of his clients was having at his house, you'd said yes even after hearing that the guy was 'kind of an idiot' and you'd probably be 'bored to tears'. Joel would have skipped it, but unfortunately it was one of his biggest clients, and the invitation wasn't one he could politely decline.

Right now, though, you're sort of wishing you'd listened to him. The party stopped being fun somewhere around the second MLM scheme that had been pitched to you, and you're now counting the minutes until you'll hit the mark Joel set on the drive there: "Least a couple hours - then we can head out."

The guy takes a short pause, then launches into another tirade on bitcoin, and you realize you're going to need another drink to get through it. Joel's arm slips from around your waist as you pull away.

"Be right back, fellas. I'm going to get a refill."

Joel's brows lift as you leave him behind. "Now hold on there. Wouldn't be much of a gentleman if I let you get your own drink-"

You wave him off, trying to hold in a smirk. "No really, I need to take a lap. Stretch my legs."

He licks his lips, looks off to the side for a second before calling after you, "Grab me one on your way back, will ya?"

You smile innocently. "You got it."

After your host declines your offer to get him something, you head to the kitchen, making a little chit chat on your way to the well-stocked fridge. You decide to get Joel's beer before you return to the open bar to ask for another drink of your own. You hook your knuckles around the neck of a Modelo, no sooner closing the door to the fridge before you glance back in Joel's direction, seeing he's been joined by a few more people.

It isn't surprising. Joel's the type of guy who tends to draw attention, and not just because of his looks. He's the guy who's in charge, even when he's not in charge. People gravitate toward him; just something about his presence that makes him the most interesting thing in every room.

In spite of that, your attention isn't on him at the moment. It's on the girl making moon eyes beside him. She's tossing a long, shiny ponytail behind her shoulder and grinning ear to ear despite the fact that bitcoin boy hasn't stopped talking.

Picking up a bottle opener, you pop the cap off the beer in your hand by muscle memory, not able to tear your eyes off of them. Joel's attention is still on the host, but when she says something to him, you watch him pull his chin back to nod, holding her in the corner of his eye to give a quick smile.

Kelly, you remember. That's her name. She's the receptionist at the client's office, and she's probably seen more of Joel this month than you have.

You watch as she cranks up her smile another thousand watts, laughing at something one of the other guys in the group has said. Kelly, you think. No. Probably spells it with an i. Kelli. Probably dots it with a heart.

Your face is starting to warm up, and when someone on the other side of the kitchen counter gently asks if you're alright, you clear your throat, then reply that you're fine as you quickly open the fridge for a second Modelo. It's time for you to slow down on the whiskey.

As you make your way back to the group, you catch Kelly/Kelli's eyes and give her a subdued smile. She blinks and smiles back, suddenly looking very shy.

"Now what did I miss?" you ask, when the men dissolve into laughter.

Henry, one of the contractors under Joel, shakes his head. "It ain't worth repeating in the presence of a lady."

The host interjects, "So what do you call Kelly?"

Henry puts an arm around her shoulder. "Aw, she's heard it all before, haven'tcha?"

"That don't mean she wants to hear it from you!" one of the other men shouts, and there's another round of laughter while you bite your lip, watching Joel's eyes as they dip to Henry's arm.

You wrap your lips around the tip of the bottle in your hand, letting the taste of the beer give your mouth an excuse to look sour. Henry's hand is dropping from Kelly's shoulder down to her waist, and while the conversation carries on, Joel leans in close so that only Henry - and you - can hear.

"Cool it, Henry."

"Huh?" comes the slow reply, as he pretends not to have understood him.

Joel just lifts his brows, and that's all it takes for Henry to back off, looking a little sheepish as he unwinds himself from Kelly, who looks more than a little relieved.

Henry turns to you, suddenly trying to make small talk, to save face. "Have you two met? This's our girl Kelly. She takes good care of us, don'tcha, sweetheart?"

You give a polite smile. "We've met. Nice to see you, again. Both of you."

"Uh huh," Henry answers half-heartedly before he wanders off, perhaps to join another conversation, or just to find another drink.

Kelly gives you another polite smile, then as the host starts to back away, bringing the rest of the group with him, she goes along with the crowd. Before she leaves, though, she softly murmurs to Joel, "Thanks for that."

He answers with a stiff nod, but it's more than enough to put the stars back in her eyes as she walks away, leaving the two of you alone.

You're biting your lip again, practically chewing on it, as you dangle Joel's beer by the throat, handing it over to him.

"Thank you," he says, then tips it back immediately.

You don't reply, lost in thought, but pretending nonchalance as you watch the group leave.

"Meant what I said, though," Joel adds in your silence. "Shoulda let me get it. I don't like to have you wanderin' around on your own. Not with this bunch of degenerates."

You smirk. "What, like Henry?"

"For one, yeah," he says, turning to face you now that the sounds of the party are fading into the background. "Lookin' the way you do, won't be able to keep their eyes or their hands off ya."

You laugh him off, but can't pretend that his voice isn't settling right in the bottom of your stomach. He's standing a little closer, now, and you can smell the alcohol on his breath, mixed with the spice of his cologne. Something about him talking this way puts some boldness into you, and your words come out a bit more reckless than they should.

"Well, maybe you should have asked Kelly to get your drink, then."

He looks dumbfounded for a moment, and you widen your smile to show you're joking.

"I mean, I'm sure she would have," you go on, digging yourself deeper even as your heart kicks up faster. If you'd switched to beer two drinks ago, you probably would have explained yourself better. You would have insisted it was just a joke, because she so clearly has a crush on him. But your words are just swimming in all that whiskey.

"Cute little thing like that," you say, shrugging. "Probably don't mind her 'taking care of you', do ya?"

Joel's eyes are fixed on you, voice easing down into his chest when he asks softly, warningly, "What did you just say?"

He's turned all the way toward you, and all at once the room feels so much smaller, your face so much hotter. He's waiting for an answer, and your breath is caught high in your throat. "I-uh... it was just... nothing."

He's very slowly setting down his beer, looking down to a side table. "Wasn't nothing; I heard it." He looks back up at you, pinning you hard where you stand. "Now repeat it. Wanna make sure I heard you right."

You swallow, mouth dry. "I nn-nothing, I just said..." You force a crooked smile that you know he isn't buying for a second. "Y'know... she's- she's pretty cute, and maybe you... maybe she oughta... 'cause maybe you want her to..."

Your babbling doesn't impress him. He's just staring at you under a darkened brow. He opens his mouth to say something, but the motion of someone else entering the room catches your eye and you snap defensively before he can say anything.

"Joel, I didn't mean-"

He follows your gaze, then turns away and shuts you up with a wide, heavy palm sliding to the small of your back. "C'mere," he says. "C'mon." And the way he breathes it as he guides you out of the room and down the hall, you don't argue.

He finds a bathroom and pushes you inside. While you're looking over his shoulder to make sure no one sees you going in together, he's staring straight ahead, and he closes the door with one hand, still holding you with the other.

"I'm... sorry," you confess as soon as the door closes. "That was stupid. I don't know why I said it."

"Yeah," he grunts, crowding you up against the closed door. "You do."

The way he has you held close, arm around your waist and words warm against your mouth, you'd normally try to kiss him right about now. But looking into his eyes, you know there's no kiss waiting for you on his lips.

He's mad, and you're a little scared. Not scared of him, but scared of what he might do at a party where people might hear. People that he has to work with on Monday.

He isn't drunk, but he's had a few, and your fear ratchets up when his hand slides to your backside, gripping your ass and kneading it as he growls, "You think I give a goddamn about some teenager?"

Despite the way he's manhandling you through your dress, you can't help but roll your eyes. "She's not a teenager."

She isn't really that much younger than you are. And with Joel in his fifties, the thought has crossed your mind that he might just be keeping you around because he got a thing for younger women. You'd just never said anything out loud. Until tonight.

He stops, pulls back. "Alright, guess I'm not bein' clear enough."

He takes you by both arms, pushes you against the sink so you're looking at yourself in the mirror. Behind you, he starts unbuckling his belt.

"Joel..." you whisper, heat pulsing through you just from the sound of the metal clinking. You know you should ask him to stop - is the door even fucking locked? - but you can't get any other words out besides his name.

He slides a hand under your dress, pushing it up and over the swell of your ass. He doesn't slow down, doesn't even run his hand over your skin. He just pushes your panties to the side, pressing the head of his cock right up against your pussy, holding it there as he grits against your ear, "Guess I gotta show you where I want to be."

He pushes the thick head inside you, wrapping one arm around your stomach to keep you from falling forward. His other hand is flat on the sink, not playing with you, not easing anything. He doesn't give you any prep, just shoves in slowly, his cock stretching you all in one go.

You hiss, brow pinching. He didn't even let you get wet enough to take him. You can feel every damn move he makes inside you as he shifts his hips closer to pin you hard against the cold edge of the sink. When he's all the way in, you watch your mouth pop open in the mirror as you take a few panting breaths. The stretch is almost unbearable, but feeling so full of him, you don't want to stop.

He eases out, just a couple inches to coat himself in your slick, then presses back in even harder. You feel like your lungs are going to give out from how tight your gasps are getting.

"Fuck, Joel... hurts," you whine.

He slowly slides you off of him, then feeds it right back in.

"I know it does, honey," he breathes against your neck. "I know it does."

His deep voice makes you pulse around his cock and he drags his big, calloused hand down to the front of your dress, lifting it up just far enough to see your pussy, stuffed full of him. You're leaking down the sides of his cock, glistening in the dim light of the bathroom.

"See that?" he asks, unmoving. "That's where I wanna be. You hear me?"

Giving a shaky nod of your head, you whimper, "Yes."

He starts to piston in and out of you, and you can only watch. You close your eyes tight when he speeds up a little. "It's... mm- it's too much."

He doesn't change his pace. "Ain't about feelin' good. You've got to learn."

He groans when your pussy clenches around him, and you follow with an answering moan as the tension in your muscles starts to fade. You're soaking down both sides of your inner thighs as he opens you up further.

When you've dissolved into whimpering his name, he hooks one arm around your leg from behind, lifting it up so that you're spread wider. His other hand is still holding up your dress.

"Look at that," he grunts, making an obscene display of his cock fucking into your pussy. "Look how fucking hard you make me, baby."

You whine again, struck dumb by how good he feels with every snap of his hips. "God, feels so good... please..."

He's dragging his teeth against your neck when he replies, "Please?"

"Please, Joel. Feels so fucking good," you repeat, eyes closed.

You want him to fuck you properly, to bend you over and make you take him, to use his fingers - to let you use yours - anything; it doesn't matter. You're so worked up, you just need a little more.

"M'not gonna give you what you want, darlin'," he answers. "Don't work like that."

You can't help but loose a plaintive moan, even knowing you deserve it. "Baby, please-"

He drops your knee, letting your leg come down to the floor as he bends you over the sink. When he starts to fuck you for real, you can't hold it together anymore, softly pleading and whining for more, begging him not to stop, opening your eyes to watch him in the mirror as he starts to lose himself, too.

Until a knock at the door jars you right out of it.

"Is anybody in there?"

Joel doesn't even slow down. Just flattens his palm along your lower back to bend you back over after you jolt up.

"Joel-" you hiss. But he keeps giving you exactly what you need, and your eyes roll back.

"Hello?"

He slides a warm hand down the open neckline of your dress, kneading your breast as he looks at you in the mirror. His brown eyes are stern and steady. "Answer."

He keeps feeding you his cock, and you hiccup, legs shaking as you whisper, "I- I don't..."

"Go on and tell 'em. You're busy."

Fuck fuck fuck. "Uhh, s-someone's in here!"

Your voice comes out strained and airy, and you wait for the reply while Joel kisses the skin of your shoulder, sliding the front of your dress down.

"Joel, it's... somebody is..."

"Nothin' in here that I wanna hide," he growls, pushing his hips right up against your ass as he circles a thumb around one of your nipples.

"Fuck, Joel..." The silence outside has been long enough that the person is probably gone, but your pulse is still pounding, and he's making it so fucking hard to think. "Oh my god, yes..."

He's quietly panting, lifts his head long enough to say, "Understand now, pretty girl?"

"Mm..."

"This here's right where I wanna be. Nowhere else," he grunts, pressing his weight down on you, the squelching sounds between your bodies getting louder than your moans. Your eyes are drawn up to the mirror, watching the veins in his neck tighten as he fucks into you harder and harder. "You got it?"

You frantically nod, desperately near the edge of coming. "Fuck, yes, mhm..."

"Maybe I oughta fill you up right here, leave you with somethin' to think about."

"N-no," you stutter, almost sounding like you're sobbing your words. "P-please, I get it. I heard what you s-said."

He has to let you come. You don't care that you were acting up, making something out of nothing. You don't care what got him mad at you. All you can think about is how flushed his chest is beneath the open collar of his shirt, how tight his grip is, how stiff his jaw is set. You just want to listen to that throaty growl, feel him mercilessly fucking you a little while longer. That's all it would take. Just a little bit...

"Fuck-"

Joel pulls out, hand tightening into a fist around himself. You slump against the sink.

"Goddamn, baby. Almost got me, there."

You're on the verge of tears, shuddering with wild breaths. "No, fuck, Joel, please please please-"

He grips a handful of your ass, fingers brushing through your wetness and making you whimper.

"Told you, I ain't giving you what you want."

You hear him zip up his jeans, and then his hand is back at your ass, but this time he's pulling your panties back into place and tugging your dress down.

"Never gonna learn that way."

You whine pitifully, knowing you brought this on yourself, but still pleading under your breath, face drawn tight with frustration.

He helps you stand up properly, giving you his arm to steady yourself. You straighten your dress, cleaning up your appearance in the mirror, and eventually you're able to leave the bathroom, walking out on trembling legs.

He gives you a smirk as you leave the hallway, and something in you finally snaps. Maybe it's a little unfair, but you know exactly what to say to knock that smirk off his face.

You lean in and whisper in his ear, "Guess you didn't want me that bad after all, or you would have finished."

And all of ten minutes later, you're in the cab of his truck. You're screaming his name as you come all over his cock, hands fisted in his hair, tugging it hard while he pumps you full of his cum, cursing you the whole time.

Turns out, he's the one who's never gonna learn.

--

A/N: Thanks for reading! I don't have a taglist for Joel, but I'll add one if I ever write for him again. Hope you enjoyed! :)

Masterlist

[halfwayhearted]

hiii, can i request something for Pau Cubarsi where him and reader kept their relationship hidden for 3 yrs and everyone finds out after barcelona won a home game and he ran up to her to kiss her🌸🌸 and if you can add her meeting his parents or friends after the game. Thank you🥰🥰

Fall With Me — Pau Cubarsí.

Pairing: Pau Cubarsí x Fem!Reader

Summary: After keeping your relationship with your boyfriend under wraps, you were happy it was able to become public.

Word Count: 615+

Disclaimer/s — Kiiiiiind of (totally) struggled, but fluff ^_^!

A/N: THIS REQUEST WAS SOOO FUCKING CUTE. I LOVED. Also, I know you said for him to kiss her but I was trying to think like, would he actually be able to reach, so I settled for a little hand kiss moment! I hope you liked 😊🐾

Today was Barcelona versus Espanyol. Your gaze flickered up to the sign displaying three to one. Just a couple more minutes left and you’d finally be able to hug the boy you haven’t seen in days.

You were already on the edge of your seat, eager.

The second the… loud whistle sounds, a nervous smile spreads across your face, and you make your way toward the pitch barrier where everyone else already was, shouting and hoping for either a picture or, better yet, a jersey.

Managing to squeeze your way through them, you easily spot your boyfriend, shouting out, “Pau!”

Luckily for you, he hears you. He could recognize that—your voice anywhere. Whipping around, the smile already present on his face broadens while he quickly runs his way over to where you were.

“You made it,” he chirps, looking up at you. His hand finds yours and he places a tender peck to it. “How was it? Wait, don’t answer that. Do you think you can meet me down here?”

You don’t waste another minute. “You got it.”

Nobody seemed to really notice. Well, they did. Their defender was literally just seen placing a kiss to your hand and beaming at someone they thought was just there to watch the game and leave. The sound of cameras snapping wasn’t exactly enough to catch your attention when you turn back around and rush out of the stadium.

Skillfully maneuvering through the bustling crowd of people leaving and coming in, you were finally able to locate where he was. Pau immediately starts walking toward you with his arms slowly opening, and you speed-walk into him, your arms flying around his torso. “Hi—you did so good!”

The brunette rests his chin atop your head and lets out a low hum, “Thank you,” he breathes, pulling back so you can look up at him. That was enough for him to try and sneak a quick kiss.

Keyword: Try.

It seemed he wouldn’t be getting what he wanted when a voice from behind him spoke, “Cubarsí!”

With a grimace, he keeps one arm looped around your waist and turns. His eyes widen slightly at the sight of Lamine right there, his expression surprised. “Woah, hold on. Hold on. Who’s this?”

Looking back at you, you could tell what he was silently asking: could he say what you guys were?

You nodded, and he smiled shyly. “My girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” Lamine echoes, the smirk on his face growing. It was painfully clear he’d tease Pau for days. “We didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

Wanting to save the boy from embarrassment, you squeeze his side and introduce yourself. Your voice is quiet, yet kind. “It’s also nice to meet you. All of you guys were amazing today. Seriously.”

And he said nothing but a simple, “Thank you.”

Perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad after all. Meeting his friends, or one of his friends, and practically outing the fact that you were dating one of their players in front of probably everybody. You haven’t even had the chance to think about how you felt about that yet. You’d deal with it later.

“I should change,” he mumbles, forgetting about Lamine completely and focusing his attention on you. “Stay here? I’ll be super quick, I promise.”

You let out a breathy laugh. “Take your time.” A pause. “I mean it. Take your time. You smell.”

At that, both boys chuckle and Pau nods, giving you one last glance before walking away, shoving the player away when he nudges him with his shoulder. He already knows the teasing is about to start and everybody will finally be aware.

It’s not that he wasn’t happy about it. He very much was, and so were you.

Likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated ^_^.

DT(s) — @planetpedri + @spidybaby ! ౨ৎ

[smolzizking]

! `'what I think mha boys would be like together'` !

Just some of my headcanons of what I think some mha boys would be like in a relationship with reader :3 (might do a girl vers of this) or a part 2 of this one

contains: Izuku x reader, Katsuki x reader, Kirishima x reader, Denki x reader, fluff

Izuku :

Izuku is definitely the one to compliment/ praise you over everything, oh you styled your hair different than usual? “You look so pretty/handsome” or you finally finished that book/game/drawing you’ve been trying to complete “that’s amazing Y/N!”. Mostly uses your first name but he does have some nicknames for you; mostly being shortened versions of your first name along with “My star, lovey, babe”, is anxious to make first moves on anything but if you initiate something (holding hands, a kiss, etc.) he’ll join in when you initiate it; though when he does get the confidence to initiate something it’s mostly holding hands or snaking his arm around your waist lightly grazing your hip. Loves giving you little head kisses, cheek kisses! Makes you little paper dolls of you two for special occasions <3

Katsuki :

He’d definitely not change much when he’s dating you, maybe more softer towards you than the others but other than that Katsuki is still the same ol’ Katsuki. Gets you gifts on special occasions (he knows exactly what you like and dislike cause he’s been sneakily analysing you so he could use it to an advantage) , helps you with choosing outfits, hairstyles etc. tries to sound less harsh when giving you advice but it can be sarcastic at times, only refers to you with your first name with the slight nicknames on cards or gifts but never from his lips, ruffles your hair and plays about with your hair (pleatting it, twirling it around his finger) doesn’t wait for you to initiate anything- will initiate holding hands, kisses, cuddles first, Katsuki will boast about you, he’ll just bring you up in every conversation like “My Y/N done that too though better than you” , “Yeah Y/N knows that too, they knew way before you did extra!” Isn’t one for showing PDA but shows a lot of affection privately in his words “It’s better being just the two of us than a crowd of extras” will not admit but he loves it when he lays on your lap and you play with his hair <3

Kirishima :

Kirishima would defo’s would be glued to your side helping you with anything, holding your hand and somewhat having his hand on you (shoulders, head, waist, nothing too intimate) asks you to join him when he’s working out, sometimes will ask you to even join in, non stop compliments- compliments are literally spilling from his lips he’s just so loving of you he can’t help not to tell you how beautiful/handsome you are. Matching clothes. He would love to wear those matching shirts that have the arrows pointing to left/right saying things like ‘I’m hers/his’ even if your not into that kinda stuff he’d even do things like matching pfp on socials! Kirishima would definitely listen to music with you, even if you both share different taste in music he wouldn’t care as long as he gets to do something with you and learn more about you he’d love it <3

Denki :

I feel if anything he’d just get more funnier when he’s around you, he wants to hear your laugh whenever he does something stupid, loves to play video games with you (if you like them ofc) if not he just likes to have you around him whenever he does play games, will say silly lines like “what’s cooking good looking” and other lines, loves to play with your hair, hold your hand and trace over your bones and veins, Loves to lay on your lap whenever you guys hang out at one another’s dorms. Will ask for your help with anything especially if it’s for tests, loves to talk to you about everything, literally everything there’s times he’ll ask questions that really make you think where it takes you weeks to finally answer and he’s sadly forgotten his question.

Hope you enjoyed this <3 I might do other parts to this one but I’m not sure yet ;-;.. but anyways I’m working on a lil project that might take a bit so I’m posting this just to not seem and inactive for long periods of time ⭐️

[seulw0nz]

MORE THAN MY FAKE DATE : 이희승

heeseung x f!reader warnings not fully proofread && 1090wc 𓈃 ♡ fluff, oneshot, fake dating, inspired by all the boys i've loved before ─── ୨୧

THE CAFETERIA IS BUZZING, a blend of laughter, conversations, and the clatter of trays. you and heeseung are seated across from each other, a half-eaten plate of fries between you, but neither of you is really paying attention to the food.

“okay, let’s get this straight,” heeseung says, leaning forward, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “no telling my mom about our ‘relationship.’ she’s already on my case about finding a nice girl.”

you raise an eyebrow, crossing your arms. “deal, but only if you promise not to make it too believable around my friends. yunjin has a tendency to make everything dramatic, and i’m not in the mood for her wedding-themed pinterest board to start filling up.”

heeseung’s laugh is warm, effortless, and for a moment, you forget the whole reason you’re sitting here, planning out a fake relationship. “pinterest boards aside, you really think i’d take it that far?” he teases. “i’m not that committed.”

you pick up a fry and wave it in the air before popping it into your mouth. “you? committed? please. the day you take something seriously is the day pigs fly.”

heeseung’s eyes narrow playfully. “i take some things seriously.”

“like what?” you challenge, tilting your head.

“like making this fake relationship believable enough so we don’t look stupid,” he retorts, leaning back in his chair, his grin broadening. “besides, aren’t you the one who came up with this whole plan?”

you roll your eyes, reaching for another fry. “oh, right. blame me. as if you weren’t desperate to keep your ex from thinking you’re miserable.”

heeseung gasps, clutching his chest in mock horror. “wow, that’s low. even for you.”

you shrug, a smile tugging at your lips. “just telling it like it is.”

heeseung leans forward, his tone softening just a little. “okay, fine. back to the rules.” he pauses, eyes twinkling with mischief. “number one: no real feelings.”

your heart skips, but you hide it with a laugh. “duh. that’s the whole point.”

“good,” he says, tapping the table for emphasis. “number two: no kissing unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“define ‘absolutely necessary,’” you retort, leaning in to mimic his serious expression. “because your definition might be skewed.”

heeseung’s ears turn pink, but he clears his throat. “you know, like if we’re in public and everyone’s watching. or if my ex just happens to be nearby.”

“you mean like she is right now?” you ask, nodding subtly toward the far end of the cafeteria, where she’s sitting with her friends.

heeseung’s jaw clenches, but he quickly recovers. “right. like now.” he shifts, and for a split second, there’s hesitation in his eyes. “so… should we? you know. to sell it.”

your heart flutters, but you bite your lip, trying to seem unaffected. “maybe just… hold my hand instead.”

he doesn’t hesitate, his fingers slipping between yours, and suddenly, the entire cafeteria feels smaller. “better?” he asks, his voice quieter.

you nod, ignoring the warmth spreading through you. “yeah. way more convincing.”

heeseung’s grin returns, and it’s like the moment of seriousness never happened. “good. because you know, i wouldn’t want to make anything awkward.”

you groan, yanking your hand away. “ugh, you’re the worst.”

he laughs, eyes crinkling. “admit it. you’d be bored without me.”

“please,” you scoff, but your smile gives you away. “i’d be thriving.”

heeseung nudges the plate of fries toward you. “sure, sure. keep telling yourself that.”

[buckleybltch]

A (long) interpretation of the 8x06 BuckTommy ending

I've been trying to make sense of why Tommy responded to Buck's monologue by breaking up and here are my thoughts. This is all my interpretation and my interpretation only. I'm choosing to believe it because it's the only way the scene makes sense to me. Pls dont get mad about it.

Please feel free to add on and discuss.

I think Tommy was completely ready to overlook the Abby connection until Buck started talking about his relationship with her. I don't think it's the relationship that changed Tommy's mind, but how Buck applied it to their relationship.

Buck said "My relationship with Abby was the most transformative of my life... until now" and I think that's what the nail in the coffin was. While it's incredibly sweet was he was trying to say, what he essentially actually said was "this relationship is another transformation point in my life".

Then when talking about Tommy being confident with himself, Buck says "honestly, it just makes me admire you more". If this weren't a breakup scene, Buck should have said "makes me love you more" here. Again, what he's essentially actually said is "I'm looking up to you and admiring you and learning how to be that way".

While Buck has the absolute best intentions with what he's saying, he's trying to convey to Tommy how much he likes him and appreciates him and wants to be with him (hence why he follows it up by asking Tommy to move in with him), I think Tommy took this as Buck seeing him as a guide.

With the way Buck phrased things, and the things I interpreted from it, it does come off as "you're guiding me through my first gay relationship". Again, I absolutely don't think this is what Buck meant, but I wonder if this is what we were meant to see.

Tommy knew he was Buck's first boyfriend, they'd gotten over this hurdle in 7x05 when Tommy leaves Buck as the restaurant and says he's not ready. Buck proved he was ready by coming out and calling Tommy and announcing their relationship publicly.

But here we are, six months later, and instead of Buck telling Tommy he loves him, he's telling him their relationship is transformative for Buck and he admires Tommy. He said the wrong things with good intentions. I think Tommy thought Buck was ready for this, especially after all the progress they made and Buck saying "im ready to take the next step" and move in together, but Buck's monologue comes off as maybe he isn't ready. Whether he is or isn't, I suppose, is up to further interpretation entirely. I think Buck is just Bad with words. If Buck really thinks what he's said and implied, maybe he isn't ready in Tommy's mind.

Now this is where I divert into two points:

I think Tommy was somewhat justified in not wanting to be Buck's gay guide. Tommy says "no matter how bad I want it to be... I'm not your last". He's falling for Buck, he wants a forever with Buck. But here Buck is telling him, six months into their relationship, that their relationship is just transformative for him. Or at least that's how it's coming across. At 40 years old, Tommy doesn't need to be someones gay Yoda, and if that's what he's being led to believe he is to Buck, I do think he's justified in breaking up. Nevermind the horrendous miscommunication of this conversation, they should've talked more in-depth and avoided this. Tommy knows, possibly from experience, that relationships like that don't last, and it's in that moment he thinks that's what their relationship is. I dont wholly blame him for ending it if this was his thought process.

The writing. Oh boy. Even Lou in interviews is interpreting the scene and I think when you have actors interpreting a scene they were in, it hasn't been particularly well written. This is the only instance we get where it's implied Tommy is Buck's guide. In every other episode he appears in, their relationship is completely normal and healthy. It seems to be in 8x06 he has been pivoted to act as an Abby 2.0, just a moving point for Buck. Obviously this links back to my points above. They've had to outright spell it to Buck and the audience that Tommy is Buck's first, not his last, and that Buck is still figuring himself out. Now to me, that reads as "we haven't displayed this well enough" which is again poor writing and borderline backtracking on 8x05. If it has to be explicitly said, then they haven't done a good job at showing it, which they haven't. Like I said, their relationship was perfectly normal and healthy up until this point, and it wasn't explicit or even hinted that this was Buck's 'starter relationship'. Buck, Tommy, and the audience were blindsided.

Knowing this still, the breakup still feels like it came out of nowhere. No foreshadowing, no hints. Even the characters dont see it coming (and apparently Lou didnt either). I don't like how it was written, and I believe the reason they gave for the breakup (first not last) is a bit of a cop out. That's not a valid reason. Buck didn't want to breakup, Tommy didn't want to break-up... Both characters were left unhappy. They have every reason to go back to one another.

Buck and Tommy should have been able to talk through it, work through it. This was all a miscommunication because Buck has never exactly had a way with words... There was no reason for it to go down this way and it feels out of character and abrupt. This should have been the hurdle. Instead, the show chose the easy way out to break them up and that sucks because it feels unfinished.

Ironically, because it feels unfinished, it also feels open. There's already fix-it fics that are completely logical. There are so many ways Buck and Tommy can reconcile following this that will be satisfying and beautiful. They can absolutely find their way back to each other and it won't feel forced.

[userautumn]

You are always 100% right and valid btw. Because like buck and Tommy are broken up, but you also have several interviews released today where Ryan calls Buck and Eddie “brothers” and where Oliver explicitly says Eddie is straight so they will most likely continue to be just friends. So if it wasn’t for Buddie, what was the point in throwing away a relationship the audience was actually behind??

Yeah, this has always been my problem with the idea of Buck and Tommy breaking up and, now that it's happened, I can finally unload all my thoughts.

Listen, my Buddie mutuals are very assured that Buck and Eddie will get together and have this lush and beautiful arc where they settle into a relationship and feel out the kinks in their dynamic and really blend together, and I respect that. I would love to see that happen. But I don't have that same confidence. Don't get me wrong, I DO think Buck and Eddie will probably get together, I just don't think it's going to happen until the last episode of the last season in a way that's more reminiscent of Johnlock "canon" (for those who did not watch BBC Sherlock: John and Sherlock continued to live together and raise John's daughter, but this was revealed in a montage without ever actually seeing them get together, or confirm that they were in a romantic relationship) than anything.

Why? Well, because it's easier to tease your audience than it is to follow through.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think Tim is teasing the fandom in a malicious way, and—if nothing else—I know he is very aware of what these boys and the implication of their relationship means to people. 9-1-1 has always handled their relationship with a particular gravitas, and I don't see that changing now. But Tim has been writing Buck and Eddie for years. He knows what gets people going, he knows what this fandom likes to see, and what they'll read into. So why would he rush into making them "endgame," especially if he knows he already wants to take them in that direction? He has no incentive to make it happen Right Now because everyone will lap up what he puts out anyway.

And I get it, because I do love Buck and Eddie's relationship. I love the way they interact with each other and, yes, I will lap up any scene between them. But that's the part I find so draining too. I'm going to be honest, I've never liked a "will-they-won't-they" couple. As a personal preference, I've always liked to have a clear vision of a story's trajectory when I go into it. That's how I write, and that's what I gravitate toward in fiction. So the idea of going through any number of love interests until Buck and Eddie are "ready for each other" (so sick of that phrase. sob.) is literally... exhausting to me, and not in a fun way. Because this is a loop that could theoretically continue on, and on, and on, until whenever the powers that be decide enough is enough.

Sure, Eddie is happy and free now. Great. But he still doesn't know he's Queer. What happens when he does realize that? Does he need to date a guy first in order to be "ready" for Buck? Similarly (because their romantic arcs always run parallel to each other), when Buck fucks and sucks his way through Los Angeles, does he stumble upon a hot girl/guy and date her/him until Eddie's "ready" for him? How many times, exactly, am I going to sit through another love interest until they're on the same page after, by my count, three false starts? You know?

I'm obviously along for the ride. Always have been, always will be, and I fought too hard over the summer to maintain my love for these boys and their relationship to let it waste away now. But I desperately, desperately need Tim to give me something substantial that CLEARLY, and EXPLICITLY indicates IMMEDIATE strides toward ROMANTIC Buddie Canon. And I mean crystal clear. Not "building a thousand words of meta off a single line/moment" clear. Not "this look probably definitely means Eddie was thinking about ripping Buck's clothes off" clear. I mean, I want it so damn clear, a sixty-five year old grandpa with cataracts can see it.

Otherwise I'm just going to get really annoyed.

[onlyrains]

𝓹𝓲𝓽𝔂 party 2 | 𝓵𝓱𝓼

a/n: a quick update bc im still too caught up on my thesis #prayforme

it's not really related to the part 1 ig just full about relationship with heeseung | wc: 1,8k-ish

!!! part 1 !!!

just like a fallen leaves that the wind blows away easily, the breath you take mindlessly, and the boiling ramen soup that evaporates under its cup quickly. the memory of your first party is now long gone since six of your brother's friends come to your house almost everyday.

you don't even bother questioning what matter your brother had on that day. they said that it was just about dissenting opinions and you easily buy it.

it's been two weeks since the tragedy, and today you can confidently declare that jake is no longer the only one you know among them. you have heeseung now. of course, he isn't the most friendly, but you notice he is the most attentive and reliable, sometimes even more than your brother, jay. the rest of them are basically your acquaintances now, but something is surely different between you and heeseung.

he's still quietly annoying, secretly irritating, and overall not so different from your brother. yet the tension is still unchanged since he took you home that day. it's so obvious like you have never practically left alone with him in the same room together. well, sometimes it's light and playful, but sometimes it's just too thick until you start doubting your self control. but the point is, the tension is always there. making it a trio out of you two–if that makes sense.

ealier today, your brother had promise to pick you up after your archery club meetings. but he suddenly has more urgent thing to do, so it just slipped your mouth, "can i ask heeseung?"

jay's head turned to you in a split millisecond. "why him? what's going on?"

"nothing. you promised to take me to the vinyl store you know,"

"you can ask mom?"

"you really think she's gonna take me there?"

he sighed. "fine. i'll talk to him."

just like that and the boy is already waiting for you in his regular fit denim jacket. with his chunky motorbike, obviously.

"had fun, katniss everdeen?" his smug smirk welcomed you. you roll your eyes, trying to ignore his smirk that somehow look flirty to you. "yes, rubeus hagrid."

he scoffs. "really? from all the characters in the world?"

"what? you're tall and ride a bike."

he nods before putting on his helmet, a smirk still evident on his mouth. "hagrid it is."

after he puts on your half face helmet, you jump behind him. "let's go."

contradicting your words, he got off his bike and looked at you in disbelief. "how can you go archery in a skirt?" his voice muffled by the helmet.

"i didn't. we're just discussing some—”

again he cuts you as he took his clothes out of the bag for you to wear. a black knit sweater fall on your nearly exposed thighs. "tie it around."

"is it 2014 or—"

"wear it or we aren't going anywhere."

you grunt silently and let the knit sleeve wrapped around your waist to cover your thighs safely. feel satisfied, heeseung back on his seat, "hold on tightly. it's so windy."

you happily obey as you did the last time he rode you home. he didn't complain tho, as if it didn't bother him nor throw him into another dimension.

as he said earlier, it's windy so it's even harder to concentrate on the road when the wind keeps blowing up his sweater on your thighs. well, he blamed it on the wind rather than his bike or you.

on the other hand, you are just enjoying his warm back, not wanting to move your head before you arrive, let alone caring about your exposed skin. even the helmet's bulkiness doesn't stop you from leaning in so shamelessly.

your thumb still absentmindedly caressing his toned stomach when he takes turn to the last turn before the vinyl store you've been thinking about all day.

you hop off the bike so cheerfully and hand him his helmet to untie his sweater from your waist and wear it on top of your shirt then run into the store. at this point, heeseung didn't even look like a brother, but more like a driver? or even a bodyguard your parents paid for their reckless daughter.

you are holding you targeted LP when heeseung arrives beside you. "oh, it was released today?" he asks.

you nod excitedly. "yes!" you almost jump on your feet.

"should i pick this or this one?" you take the deluxe version on your right hand.

"it's black and white." heeseung takes the deluxe version and read the song list on its back.

"yeah, not so match my collection."

"but it has more songs."

"exactly!" you sigh confusedly.

as usual, there are only a few visitors in the store that you are really thankful for because that means you don't need to rush your purchase.

"so? let's decide."

you exhale heavily after thinking for a while. "fine, this one." you pointing at the deluxe version on his hand. he chuckles seeing your frustrated face. "i swear you'll regret it if you don't get the completed version."

"i know." you murmur and turn around to go to the cashier.

"nah, maybe i'll just look for the vintage." a familiar voice from the entrance resonate in your eardrums as goosebumps creep through your skin.

you turn your head to heeseung. "fuck." you mumble in despair.

you pull him to the nearest corner and let him towering over you in order to shield you from the most person you avoid on earth. why is he here anyway?

you hold your LP tightly in your hand while the other mindlessly grip on heeseung shirt beneath his jacket. your breathing slowly becomes irregular as anxiety takes over your body. you keep peeking through heeseung's body that you don't realize his gaze is no longer confused but rather unreadable.

his one arm resting on the shelf next to your face. his head tilts down to look you with the most confusing expression with a slightly open mouth.

"what?" you ask casually to cover your now double anxious state. he doesn't reply but you can see his jaw tightening.

"she got me a new turntable, bro. she's crazy."

"that's what i meant a lucky bastard, bro, what the fuck?"

you bite your inner lip. "help me, please? that was my ex–ew, no, not even my ex. and he's the least person i want to meet in the world."

"why?" he asks in a low tone, making you shiver.

"it's long story–well, he cheated on me, basically–but i don't care anymore, i just don't want to face him."

his face leans closer. "still can't move on?" he asks again. half teasing, half confirming.

you scoff, a little distracted by his scent. "w-what? no! why wo–fuck,"

you saw him in the hallway, just a few meters from you.

"what do you want me to do?" in contrast to you, heeseung still sounds so relax. you feel your head spinning just from the thought of probability of him saying something if he sees you there.

"anything as long as he can't see me," you meet his sharp eyes. "...please?" your legs begin to fidget in place.

"you sure just for him not to see you?"

you frown at him. is he reading your mind?

he brushes his finger on your cheek carefully. he knows exactly what you want him to do, he's just not sure if he can actually do it. he doesn't know if his body allows it.

"david bowie is on the back shelf, i guess."

"shit, heeseung, he's here!"

"relax, ma'am. you got me."

you tiptoe on your toes and reach for his shoulder. "c'mon, heeseung," you plead.

he runs his hands on your hips and slightly tilts his head to the side.

"oh my god, be more convincing!" you squeeze the hem of his jacket.

"you want me to do this?" he whispers angrily as his nose touches yours.

you went silent for a few seconds. him, the bastard you are avoiding is surely now at heeseung's back and is looking at you two. disgusted, maybe. but he's not moving at all.

beside that, you have never been this close with heeseung. his thumbs still caressing your cheek and you unconsciously lean in to his touch. his ragged breath fanning your lips as his eyes burning through your lips. you decide to exhanging gaze with his hazzy one. he looks so resigned and helpless which you know there's no way he can take an action from now.

"ay, it's on the back shelf, bro, c'mon, leave 'em alone."

"wait."

"fuck it, hee. i'm sorry," you grab his nape and press your lips into his. you don't move an inch, just let it brush for a moment until the bastard goes to the next hallway.

finally, you pull away and exhale the breath you didn't know you were holding. but heeseung is faster. he holds your back and pulls you back to him so impossibly close then put his lips back to yours.

he kisses you slowly yet so demanding, like he means it on every movement he does. his hands roaming from your back to your side then rests in your waist. his knit sweater makes you even warmer despite the heat that radiates from your body.

"i'm not gonna bring regret to my house, y/n." he whispers between his kisses, sending a shiver down your spine, then starts to kiss you deeper.

giving up on his touch, you wrapped your arms around his neck and brushing his nape lightly. the bastard you were avoiding has now disappeared in your memory as you try so hard to keep up with his absurd yet addicting tempo. you lightly pull his hair everytime he bites your lower lip.

an unwanted whine just slips out of your mouth as his lips trailing around your jaw then back to your lips. you squirm in your place noticing your body pressed between his body and the wooden shelf behind you before pulling away.

"you don't know what you're doing to me, do you?" he asks, panting.

you stare at him blankly. honestly, you do, sometimes.

"been trying to do that since forever," he admits. you chuckle. "don't be so dramatic, we're just started talking two weeks ago."

he still stare at you, not blinking. "so long since your smile always does it for me."

you stay silent.

"i don't know what you're exactly do but please stop what you're doing to me." he says, frustrated. "don't want your brother to go feral again, do you?"

you gulp hardly. "but i don't do anything." you decide to return his stare and bite your lip. "and heeseung, i'm afraid i can't control myself after this," you admit.

his jaw tightens, again. your words and the way you said it have his body become stiff and chest rumbling.

noticing his rigidness, you tiptoe and kiss his cheek before finally running to the cashier, making the boy grunts under his breath. "god, she's impossible."

taglist [open]: @llvrhee

[minkieater]

one dream, one city, two boys, endless possibilities ✮

TWO ➺ the boyfriend as a junior at NYU, you just landed your dream internship. you didn't think a shot at your career would come with secrets, mistakes, and drama... at what age do you really start to grow up?

if you've read luck or carousel... this one's for you.

w. smut mdni 18+ ! alcohol consumption wc. 9.7k

it’s been two weeks. 

two weeks of constant pondering, paranoia, tension, anxiety… name it, you’re feeling it. all your personal projects have taken a hiatus, you can barely get into a creative mindset to work on your assignments. you’ve sat brainlessly in class, biting on the cap of your pens, fidgeting with anything you had around you. you’ve laid in bed, tried to watch tv, tried to get your mind off of mingi. you’ve barely slept, tossing and turning almost every night whether jeongin was next to you or not. 

not once has the feeling of guilt shown itself, not once has regret been in anxiety’s passenger seat in a drive by. you can only think of him, the strength he used to lift you onto his lap, the regretful look on his face while he apologized, the coolness of his rings on your cheeks. you wanted to do it again.

you’d never done something like this in your life, it felt like two halves of you were ripped apart with no one to sew them back together. with your friendships you’ve always been painfully loyal, willing to put someone in the ground for them if need be. with your romantic relationships you’d been the same, you couldn’t place why you’d do something like this now, this far into your relationship. it was unfair to jeongin, unfair to your friends who still look at you with love and innocence, unfair to yourself who has the love of their life in their hands yet pining after another. 

it was an accident, but if you could go back in time, you wouldn’t change a thing. 

your friends haven’t noticed any difference in your behavior, even riley, who was too wrapped up in a dilemma of her own to notice what you’re going through. you couldn’t talk about it with her anyhow, you couldn’t talk about it with anyone. today is the first day you’ve started to feel like you’re okay, maybe it’ll work out, maybe you got away with it. 

you see yourself differently: sneaky, deceiver, cheater. if that’s what you had become… 

you laid on the couch in the studio, the same studio you’re always in, trying to rip your thoughts from your head and cook up something creative. your legs were bent up with your head on the pillow, one arm laid over your forehead and the other tapping against your stomach, hearing the beat in your head. 

you sighed and stood, moving over towards the desk, figuring you might as well pour everything you’re feeling into a song. or at least try to, if your brain will allow you to create a melody. 

you put your headphones and start fucking around before something clicks. an hour goes by without you even noticing… then it’s two… then three… and you’ve created a song the fastest you ever have in your life. 

an r&b song, a haunting piece with an ambient, moody vibe, a subtle bass line and very minimalistic beats compared to your other work. for the first time, you listen to your own music and can imagine the vocals over the melody. you pull out the notes app in your phone, already flooded with different entries of lyrics you’ve never been able to place. you create a blank page and get to writing, letting your fingers pour all of your thoughts out.

words about confidence and manipulation occupy the screen, a storyline of going back to an ex because they can offer more than the singer’s current partner. there’s an ambiguity to the lyrics, an uncertainty you’re left with at the end, wondering if going back would be a better idea than staying in the current relationship. 

it’s not exact to your situation but it’s close enough, the story you created is less incriminating than what your situation really is. you smile at your screen, wondering how you’re going to get this recorded without another person helping you. 

an idea pops into your brain, one you shut down as fast as it popped up. he hasn’t shown back up in the studio since that night, and you want it to stay that way. mainly because you don’t know how you’ll face him again without jumping his bones. 

you feel lighter after getting your words out, like you got your feelings off your chest without having to say them to anyone. 

a knock is heard at the door, and instead of the heat that usually fills you with the knowing of who it could be, your body freezes. a chill slithers up your spine and you squeeze your eyes in hope that it’s not who’s usually behind that door. 

“hey, baby,” you hear your boyfriend’s voice and whip around in surprise, plastering a smile on your face. he leans down and kisses you. 

“what are you doing here?” you ask, eyebrows furrowed. it’s rare that he comes to the studio, he’s usually working on assignments or his own projects. you’re notorious for coming to the same studio room every time, no one else usually comes to this one due to the equipment being a little older. it works for you and it’s always empty, it might as well be yours. 

“i was walking through wash on my way back from class, i assumed you’d be here. missed you,” he smiles, giving your head a small scratch and then brings his attention to the monitor, “watcha working on?”

“just a melody i’ve been playing with for the past few hours,” you remain nonchalant, shrugging your shoulders. 

“can i hear it?” he asks sweetly, bending at his knees so only his eyes peer over the desk.

“there’s a chair right over there, innie,” you pat his head. thank god you didn’t record any vocals yet. 

he lets out an oh! and pulls it over, the smile that permanently sat on his face is bright, eager to listen to your work. you press play, patiently waiting for his reaction. 

jeongin will listen to your music from time to time, usually only when you ask him for his opinion, not that he’s knowledgeable enough to give any real feedback. supportive he is, though, so when you need to hear ‘it’s so good!’ or ‘i love it!’ you know who to ask. 

as the song ends, he sits with an eyebrow raised, “this is a different vibe than usual, yeah?” 

you nod, “i’m in a mood, this is what came out of it.”

“i like it, sounds like music to fuck to. what mood are you in?” his smile turns mischievous, eyebrows wiggling, and your skin crawls. 

you play it off with a laugh, “not that mood.” you guess it could be a sexy song, but the emotions behind it aren’t remotely close to having sex with your boyfriend. a sour feeling sits in your stomach. 

“are you gonna stay for a while or can i steal you? it’s monday and i have class all day tomorrow, i want to get my ki time in before it gets too late,” he leans his head back against the chair, staring down at you. 

“your place or mine?” you needed out of this building. you take your hard drive out of the system as he stares at you in surprise, he was not expecting that to actually work. 

“mine?” disbelief is clear in his voice, and you want to laugh. if he only knew why you’d agreed so quickly, why you needed quality time with him. after spending hours driving yourself insane, creating art dedicated to a man you shouldn’t pay any attention to, you needed to replace the thoughts with jeongin. you just wish you felt a little remorse about it. 

you pack up your backpack and sling it over your shoulders, ripping the door open with jeongin following closely behind. he links your fingers together, picking up his speed to walk alongside you. you make it halfway down the hall before you hear two pairs of footsteps get closer from around the corner, down one of the side hallways. 

it feels like slow motion as you walk past the opening in the hallway, yours and jeongin’s heads turning to look at the same time, just for the pair of people to nearly intercept you at the turning point. they come to a halt to let you pass, and jeongin’s hand tugs at yours to bring you to a stop. 

almost a full fourteen days without seeing his beautiful face and perfect body. tall and lean but muscular, a true sleeper build, with perfectly messy hair and a face chiseled by aphrodite herself. as your eyes drift and you take notice of the tiny blonde number by his side, you immediately feel sick to your stomach. you would involuntarily throw up from both anxiety and this random girl standing so close to him if you had ingested anything today. 

you do your best to keep your cool. your voice does not waver as you say hello to him with a smile, jeongin doing the same. the men make small talk and your ears ring so loudly you couldn’t make out a single word of what they were saying. the blonde is smiling at you and you can’t bring yourself to smile back at her, fighting to keep all of your emotions below the surface. 

it doesn’t make sense as to why this would remotely bother you. for starters, you have a boyfriend, but even if you didn’t, you two have only kissed once. flashbacks of your extensive conversation fill your mind, suddenly regretting your vulnerability. talking about your childhood, life back home versus in the city, why you got into music, your dreams for the future. why would you share such special thoughts with someone whom you have no space for in your life? somehow it made it worse that he shared those same things with you, if not more. 

looking at the small, blonde and blue eyed, model-esque girl beside him, you wish you felt bad. you wish you could smile at her, get her name, maybe even make a new friend. she doesn’t deserve the cold glint in your eyes, you have no right to be wearing that look in the first place. all you could feel was the harsh pang of jealousy that was beginning to consume you, beckoning to show itself. 

as you say goodbye his eyes meet yours, and for a split second you swear you can see the same depth of jealousy you wore beneath them. another thing the two of you have in common, you suppose. you faked the same smile as before and gave a small wave, turning on your heel to walk away. you didn’t know when yours and jeongin’s hands unlinked but you searched for it again, sliding your fingers between his. 

“you okay?” he sweetly asks from beside you, and you pull your lips together in yet another fake smile. you nod quickly, squeezing his hand a bit tighter. 

the fifteen minute walk back to his apartment was quick, you just listened as he rambled about his day, telling you all about his classes. you usually take everything in, ask him questions, learn more about his studies. you can relate a little bit sometimes, he was getting his masters in musical theatre writing. it didn’t overlap too much but you could learn anything from anywhere, so you typically listened actively. today, you were short circuiting, like you’ve been for the past two weeks. 

when you finally got inside, the couches were filled with his three roommates and an extra few lounging as well. riley was seated next to chan with felix on the end of one couch, on the other was seungmin, han and minho. changbin was cozied up on the recliner, hyunjin sitting on the floor between his legs. you mentally prepared yourself for the hours to come, especially with riley there. 

never in your over two years of friendship have you ever deliberately kept something from her, not that you ever possibly could until now. she’s been so wrapped up in whatever she has going on you weren’t up to date on her situation, you haven’t had the mental capacity to listen to her troubles let alone help her try to solve them. by the looks of it she seemed just fine cozied up next to chan, and that was enough for now. 

“everyone’s favorite married couple! they’re home,” felix sings out into the spacious room, falsetto bouncing off the walls. you put on your best smile, waving to everyone. 

“i can’t believe you’re here before 9 pm ki, i was starting to get nervous that our innie was your dirty little secret,” seungmin called from the couch, one side of his lips lifting into a smirk. 

“i’d say 6 is too early for a situationship, dontcha think? don’t those usually happen later at night?” you ask, setting your backpack down on the kitchen table and your eyes shoot to riley, hoping chan doesn’t catch it. a small smile forms on her face in response and the smile alone puts you at ease.

“wouldn’t you love to know?” he asks rhetorically and you roll your eyes, you’d be panicking that he knew something if this wasn’t seungmin’s usual attitude. feisty, snarky, cocky, rich boy rude, every term in a thesaurus under ‘irritating’ would fit just fine. 

“i’d say around one in the morning if you were looking to come over later, keeks,” hyunjin peeks his head around changbin’s knee, sending you a shit eating grin. this makes your smile genuine, and you can’t help but giggle. 

“make sure you leave the door unlocked for me,” you wink at him as you make your way over to the living room. 

“hey now,” jeongin calls as he follows behind you, “if ki’s going, i’m going, too.” 

“the more the merrier, baby,” hyunjin shoots your boyfriend a classic smile, licking his lower lip. jeongin scowls, even though he should’ve expected that response from your friend with the most active sex life, despite being single. 

“what are you guys up to?” you ask, looking around the room. you catch riley’s eye again, her head leaned back on chan’s shoulder. you both share a warm smile and you can feel the excitement shedding off of her, but something feels off about it. you make a mental note to make time for her. 

“we were watching hairspray,” han answers, holding up the remote with a smile. 

han, your favorite one out of the group other than hyunjin, the only one you’ve actually shared a couple classes with. he’s getting his bachelors in songwriting, maybe staying for a masters in music theory and composition, you weren’t sure. you don’t even think he was sure. 

“5 pm on a monday and you’re watching hairspray? none of you bitches have class?” you lift an eyebrow, scanning the room. everyone but changbin shakes their head no, amusement clear on every single face in the room. 

changbin doesn’t attend school in the first place, him and hyunjin live a couple streets down in their shared apartment. the pair work at an upscale hotel bar around the corner from their place, both have been working their asses off since they graduated high school. changbin dj’s as well at various different bars and clubs, a fun hobby turned side hustle. hyunjin is still in school, a senior with an art degree, his lifelong hobby became his career. at least once he graduates it will be. 

“well press play, they’re about to do new girl in town!” you sit on the floor in front of seungmin and han, jeongin taking the space right beside you. you stretch your legs over his lap and he immediately starts running his fingers over the tattoos on your shins, knowing them by heart. 

the rest of the movie was spent singing along, han or changbin cracking jokes, or riley, felix and chan either praising or picking apart some part of the performance. with the three drama majors in the room, all of you as a group could never watch a movie in silence or in peace, especially a musical. it didn’t matter to you though, you loved it, you welcomed it. you loved this group of people, so many different personalities that worked scarily well together, blended into one big group. as much as you wanted to bask in this feeling of appreciating them, that tiny voice in the back of your head reminded you that you’d lose everything if they found out what you did. 

“wanna watch another one? we could watch grease,” felix offers with his eyebrows raised, eyes shining with excitement. you involuntarily yawned, leaning your head back onto han’s leg. 

“we have work soon, we should head out,” changbin says from the recliner, using his hands to brace himself as he gets up, careful not to bump hyunjin with his knees. 

“boo,” minho calls from behind you, and like a domino effect, everyone joins in with disapproval.

they both smile, hyunjin swiftly standing up from the floor, “i’m sorry! money calls and i answer.” 

this only makes the rest of you jeer louder, now even putting some thumbs down in the air. they give you guys waves and goodbyes as they leave, leaving the recliner seat open. you and jeongin quickly look to one another before smiling, knowing you both thought the same thing at the same time. he hops up to sit on the cozy chair, spreading his legs so you could sit comfortably on his lap. you pulled the blanket hyunjin had on the floor over the two of you, bringing your feet up to lay across jeongin’s legs as he reclined the chair back. 

“ki, did you apply for an internship? jeongin was telling us something like that,” chan asks, and you notice that riley’s legs that were once in front of her are now swung over chan’s thigh. 

“yeah! i decided to apply a little earlier than usual, but last week i met with the internship supervisor and applied to atlantic, republic, epic, and RCA,” you counted on your fingers, making sure you didn’t forget any. 

“oh shit, you applied to atlantic? that’s huge, dude,” han smiles wide, “i hope you get it!”

“they’re the number one record label in the city, aren’t they?” seungmin asks, an eyebrow raised. 

“yeah, they have insane artists signed. cardi b, lizzo, don toliver, charlie puth, bruno mars, i could go on for awhile,” you sigh, “i’m shooting for republic, but the chances of getting into republic are even more slim than atlantic. don’t get your hopes up.” 

“don’t be pessimistic you ass, you could very easily get accepted. don’t those two douchebags from the party a couple weeks ago intern at republic? if they got in you totally can,” minho declares while readjusting himself on the couch cushion, letting his hand rest on han’s thigh.

minho is one of the quietest ones in the group, yet when he has something to say, he says it with his chest. he is opinionated and funny about it, but one of the kindest and gentlest people you’ve met at NYU. 

the diss on mingi makes the urge to defend him sit at the tip of your tongue, instead you lay your hands out on the blanket and let out a small chuckle, “republic has the weeknd, ariana grande, daniel caesar, post malone, lil wayne, greta van fleet… you can see the appeal and why it’s so prestigious.” 

“you’re so talented i don’t see how you wouldn’t get it,” jeongin says from under you and you giggle, kissing the side of his head. 

“thank you, but it’s a fight, y’know? hundreds, probably thousands of people are trying to get employed there, let alone intern,” you shrug. 

“yeah, but we go to NYU,” riley adds, and the entire room agrees, shrugging and nodding in a ‘she has a point’ kind of way. you nod with a small smile, choosing not to explain further, they just didn’t get it. 

you guys did end up watching grease, singing your hearts out and reflecting on how musicals and films in general have changed from the 80s until now. when you put a bunch of creative students in a room, especially when their studies mostly revolve around music, dance and theatre, this topic of conversation is common. it’s comforting, being in a room full of people who understand your mind for the most part, even if the only person in the room with your major is yourself. 

way past the time you had all eaten dinner and watched a few episodes of whatever seungmin had on the tv, you and jeongin had decided to wash up and go to sleep. he did have classes all day tomorrow when you only had 1, you didn’t want to keep him up any later than he needed to be. you didn’t know if you’d even be able to sleep.

riley headed home hours ago, han and minho went back to their shared apartment right before dinner. without everyone here, the place felt entirely too big, quiet, and empty. seungmin and felix were both quiet around when they moved about the apartment, which always made you nervous when you first started to stay the night here, especially when jeongin told you chan has insomnia. the place is huge, making sounds echo through the whole apartment, but that’s something you care less and less about as time goes on. two years later and they feel just as much as your roommates as they are jeongin’s.

your shared shower was quick and innocent for the most part, as they usually are, washing each other’s hair and shared kisses and small, intimate touches all over. you pulled one of jeongin’s tees over your body, the size of it swallowing you, and continued to squeeze the water out of your hair with a towel. jeongin sat on the bed facing you, shirtless, with a pair of baggy pajama pants covering his lower half. 

“you know i love you, right?” he asks, looking up at you, wet hair laying flat from the weight of the water, framing his face. he scrunched out most of the moisture, his copper locks curling up more as it starts to dry. 

you paused your movements, looking at him, seeing his vulnerable truth laid out across his face. “of course i do, baby, and i love you too.” you dropped the towel, moving to stand in front of him, putting your hands in his hair. 

you massaged his scalp and his eyes fluttered shut, leaning his forehead against your stomach, “no, ki, like i really love you. ‘m always thinking about you, dreaming of our life together after we graduate.”

you shuddered, taking in a breath, feeling a tightness in your chest. tears welled up in your eyes and you looked to the ceiling, praying they wouldn’t fall. 

“i don’t wanna freak you out or anything, i won’t say anything else, just want you to know that. can’t imagine my life without you in it.” 

with that, the tears fall, you couldn’t help it at that point. for the first time in two weeks, guilt has shown itself, and it’s choosing to stick to you. you quickly wipe your eyes, looking down to him, and he peeks up at you, resting his chin on your stomach instead. 

“no, baby, why are you crying?” he asks as his arms move to the backs of your thighs, pulling you towards his lap. you crawl onto his lap, straddling him, and lay your head on his shoulder. 

“i love you too jeong, i’m sorry i’m so busy and so tired all the time. you don’t deserve it, i’m so sorry,” you’re apologizing for the wrong thing and you know it, but you can’t bear to say the truth. the tears kept falling and you break into a sob, uncontrollably gushing onto his shoulder. 

“ki, baby, i didn’t mean to make you cry, i’m sorry,” he lifts your head, wiping your tears, “i just wanted to remind you how much i love you, that’s all, please don’t cry.” 

he leans forward and attaches your lips to stifle your cries, hands cupping your cheeks. your sobs halt after a few minutes, you could taste the saltiness of your tears sliding into the kiss as you melt into him, into this familiar feeling he gives you. the feeling of being home, the same feeling the starless sky of new york gives you, that nostalgic comfort that is so different yet so inviting. it’s been so long since you’ve paid attention to this peace within jeongin, since you’ve allowed yourself to let him remind you why you fell in love in the first place.

you couldn’t believe yourself, couldn’t comprehend why you did what you did when you have this perfect, beautiful man under you. the man you want to live in a penthouse with in the middle of the city, the one you want to put a ring around your finger. in that exact moment, you took all of your thoughts and feelings about mingi and locked them in a box, pushing them to the deepest pit in your brain possible and then pushed farther. you’d never look at him, think of him, dream of him, acknowledge his existence again if that meant you could make the man under you happy for the rest of your lives. 

with that thought your kisses turned eager, filled with the motive of desperation, wanting to prove to him that your thoughts rang true. you wanted him to feel your love, feel your rekindled desire for him through your touch. and like always, he understood you immediately, without knowing the real reason why. your tongues danced, exploring each other’s mouths like this was the first time they’d ever been introduced. he pushed his hands into your hair, pulling it slightly, making a gasp slip past your lips. his legs spread ever so slightly, making you sink a bit further into his lap, feeling him pressed up against your unclothed core. 

you ground your hips against his, eliciting a deep groan from the back of his throat right into your mouth. you swallowed it, taking your time moving your hands from his shoulders down to his chest to his abdomen, feeling every bump and curve of muscle like you’d never touched him before today. you pushed him back, down onto the bed and lifted yourself off of his lap, needing to taste him, needing him to feel as important as he made you feel all the time. you dropped to your knees on the floor and he sat up on his elbows to watch you. his usual happy, bright pupils were blown, clouded over with lust. he needed this just as much as you did. 

marked fingers slipped inside the waistband of his pants, mouth watering before he was even exposed. as his pants made it to his ankles you wasted no time, licking a stripe up his shaft and spitting directly onto the tip of him. your hands made quick work, pumping him, and the sounds that left his lips were lethal.

“fuck,” a long and languid groan escaped his lips, only pushing you to elicit more out of him. you wrapped your lips around him, your hands and mouth working as one, using more than enough spit. just how he likes it, and you know he likes it messy. 

he sat up more, his hand finding your hair, fingers burying themselves in your roots with fervor. you could see his core tense up, muscles more chiseled than they were when he sat relaxed, and his head rocked back. you were choking on it now, your gag reflex had clocked in, throat constricting around the length of him. “just like that baby, fuck you look so pretty wrapped around me.” 

you loved it when he treated you like that, used you instead of having a care in the world for your comfort. you wanted it to be all about him, you wanted him to do as he pleased, not to worry about how you felt. you didn’t deserve it. as your nose touched his pelvis, his hips bucked into your throat and he whined. he sounded so beautiful, so angelic yet so dirty. with the last jerk of his hips he’d twitched in your mouth, emptying himself directly down your throat. you popped off of him with a gasp, catching your breath, smiling up at him and licking your lips. 

“c’mere,” he mumbled as he picked you up off the floor, strong arms flipping you onto your back on his navy blue comforter. he cages you beneath him, kissing you even messier than before, his tongue no doubt tasting himself all over yours. his hand made its way between your legs, spreading your slick before slipping two fingers in. your back arched, pushing you up into his chest, strangled moans leaving your lips.

“need you,” you mumbled between kisses, hand finding it’s way between his legs again, making him hiss in overstimulation. 

“not yet, wan’ taste you first,” he mumbled back and you wanted to complain until you were pushed up the bed. before you could process, his tongue was already licking a stripe up your center, any complaint you could’ve came up with was long gone. you immediately twitched, your hips bucking into him, making him smile into your core. he always ate like a man starved and he always finished his meals, two habits that didn’t waiver especially when it came to you. 

his fingers slipped back inside, curling up to hit that one spot that always had you seeing stars. you begged him, chants of right there and don’t stop between other mumbles of things that didn’t make sense. it didn’t take long for you to finish around his fingers. he stayed rhythmic, lips wrapped around your clit in constant suction until you rode out your high, too much pleasure forcing you to arch your back to shift your hips away from him. 

“please, jeongin,” was all you could get out, you needed him inside. you needed the closeness, the connection, the skin on skin contact. he pulled his shirt over your head, mouth immediately attaching to a peaked nipple, making you arch into him again to feel his bare body pressed against yours. a dramatic whine leaves your throat, you were far gone, miles past impatient. 

he pushes you up by the backs of your knees, finally slipping inside, making the two of you moan in unison. 

“fuck, i love you so much,” he groans, pausing at the hilt to let you adjust. the raw emotion bleeding from his skin into yours, the two of you moving perfectly in sync, you’d never had sex like this before. in your two years of being together, it’d never been so powerful, so passionate. you couldn’t help the tears that began to slip out again, they came without a warning and they wouldn’t stop. he kissed them away, cradling your head in his hands as he pushed into you steadily. 

“i love you,” you choked out between thrusts, repeating it like a spell, hands reaching for anything they could grab. his broad shoulders, solid biceps, chiseled jaw, perfect curls… you wanted to feel all of him.

his speed picked up, hands moving to lift up your hips to bully that special spot again, the volume of the both of you growing louder. “god, you’re so perfect, made f’me,” his words are instinctive, staring down at where the two of you joined. there wasn’t a single thought behind his stare, just a primal gleam to his dark, rich, fox like eyes. 

you grabbed his face, making him look at you, craving the intimacy of eye contact as tears poured down your cheeks and that familiar feeling in your stomach tightened, “inside, jeongin, please baby. inside, want it inside.” 

you yelp as the coil snaps, no doubt heard throughout the whole apartment as you finish around him, core pulsing as his thrusts become erratic. “needed this, need you, love you so fucking much,” his words are still detached, mindless as he buries himself inside you, letting out the most pornographic moan, unloading himself inside. you felt warm, full, entirely complete as he catches his breath, leaning the full weight of himself on top of you. 

your hands go to his hair, scratching his scalp with your nails, making him shudder. you can feel him still pulsing inside, eliciting small noises out of you. “wanna stay like this,” you mumble, voice low. his face, buried in your neck, leaves small kisses along the side. 

“can’t,” he’s barely audible between kisses, “that was so good. so perfect.” 

you hum in agreement, feeling your tears pool at the base of your neck, moving your hand to lightly scratch his back, “love you, innie.” 

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

you were sitting in the middle of prince, yunho and wooyoung beside you when you received the email. with a mouth full of beer, you couldn’t believe what was displayed across your screen, beer nearly shooting out from between your lips. you swallowed with a loud cough, dropping your phone onto the table, covering your mouth as your cough progressed into a fit of several. as you loudly choked on your beer, wooyoung lifted up your phone, reading the screen. 

mumbling, he read, “we are happy to inform you that after careful consideration,” his voice gradually got louder and clearer, “we have selected you to join republic records as an A&R intern for the spring term?!” 

he looked at you, eyes wide with disbelief, “shut the actual fuck up!”

yunho quickly stands and wraps his arms around you, wooyoung following suit, both jumping up and down, congratulating you a hundred times in the time span of 30 seconds. 

“holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, dude, i can’t believe you got in! this is fucking awesome!” wooyoung is yelling, clapping his hands in excitement. 

“i’m so proud of you ki, this is such an achievement. this is perfect,” yunho’s smile is warm, his voice a lot calmer than wooyoung’s, “we should celebrate.”

you sat there, jaw still on the floor, staring at the both of them in utter shock as they stood before you expectantly. you quickly picked up your phone, running a hand through your hair, reading the email again.

“what the fuck is A&R?” you mumble, then look up two your 2 friends, “what the fuck is A&R?!” 

“girl, how the fuck should we know? read the email!” wooyoung yells, bringing his beer to his lips again, taking his seat back on the stool. 

you scroll down, “it stands for artists and repertoire. your role will involve assisting the team in scouting new talent, attending live shows, reviewing demo submissions,” you take a deep breath, pausing to to look up at the two who are staring back at you with focused faces, “you may also assist in coordinating recording sessions and compiling reports on industry trends.”

yunho gasps, “holy shit, keeks, that’s a huge responsibility.” 

your hand slaps over your mouth, not knowing how to answer. your eyes go back down to the email, skimming the words on the screen, “i’m supposed to start in january, but they’re letting me start in november.” 

“that’s good! that’s soon!” wooyoung’s hands go up, that wide smile still on his face. 

“do you think you’ll be in the studio at all? i feel like nothing on that list puts you behind the desk,” yunho lifts a brow, and you want to kiss him for thinking of your best interest. “mingi’s in the studio almost every time he’s there, but he’s more like an assistant to the producer he’s with that day. he told me hongjoong is closer to a producer than an intern.”

the mention of mingi makes you cringe, but you’re at the point where even your internal reaction is significantly less than it would’ve been weeks ago. you’re almost at the point where it feels like nothing happened. 

you shrug, “they know what i’m studying, maybe where they put me is the position they need assistance with right now. a foot in the door is a foot in the door.” 

“and that’s exactly the attitude you should have,” wooyoung nods proudly, “my ki, my sweet, innocent angel from bumblefuck nowhere, working at republic records. you should call your mom.” 

you make a face, upper lip twitching in discomfort, that is on the bottom of the list of things you want to do right now. you want to call jeongin, tell your whole group of friends, throw a party and dance away the adrenaline that's shooting through your veins. 

the thought of seeing mingi at republic crosses your mind, making your heart beat a bit faster against your chest. republic records is a huge building, if you’re lucky, you won’t have to see him at all. your lives will be entirely separate and you can continue doing what you’ve been doing, pretending he’s an acquaintance whom you know nothing about. 

“we really should celebrate, though,” yunho interrupts your thoughts, “what are you guys doing tomorrow night? i heard there’s a really fun club in brooklyn.”

your and wooyoungs’ necks both snap at that, looking at yunho in disbelief. for him to want to go anywhere other than prince is unexpected, he loves it here, this has been his spot since he discovered it.

“you? a club?” wooyoung raises an eyebrow, “since when do you and clubs get along?”

“ivy’s friend from work told her about it,” yunho blinks, “this is a huge deal, what better excuse to check it out? i’ll get us a table and everything.”

you shrug your shoulders, “i’m down, why the hell not?”

you pick up your phone again, rereading the email. with it already being early october, you only have a couple of weeks to get your life in order before you start. you try to find excuses for why you’d start early, you didn’t know if record labels had busy seasons, or if holiday season would be one of them. 

the next night came quickly with you sleeping in for most of your saturday, the numerous celebratory shots bought for you last night doing nothing to make your morning somewhat productive. you needed to call your internship counselor, email the record label back, fill out paperwork, get yourself organized to actually start. 

instead you woke up four hours before your friends were coming over for the pregame, jeongin shirtless and still sound asleep next to you. you pulled your comforter down and kissed up his spine, soft pecks to coerce him into opening his eyes.

he groaned when you got halfway up his back, a soft but deep sound transferring from his chest to the pillow under his head.

“we only have four hours,” you mumbled between kisses, “get coffee and breakfast with me.”

“four hours is more than enough,” he moaned, “stop kissing me or we’re gonna have no time.”

you chuckled at that and swung your leg over his, straddling the backs of his legs. you smacked his butt playfully and he made a noise of annoyance, “get off of me, breadwinner, i have to go cook and clean.”

you laughed louder, leaning over to lay on top of his back, forcing your arms under his chest. he made too many jokes last night about how you were getting into your career so fast while he’d still be in school for another 3 years, making you the primary earner in your relationship. 

ever since that specific night you spent with jeongin a week ago, you’ve felt like you just started dating again. your relationship was rejuvenated, both of you feeling like you couldn’t get enough of one another. both of you noticed a difference but neither of you wanted to bring it up, scared it would stop the second wind of a honeymoon phase you were in. 

“get up, we have to go,” you said into his hair after putting your head directly beside his on the pillow, “no time to waste, it’s literally 4 pm.”

“4?” he asked in disbelief, his voice a bit louder. he clearly didn’t process when you’d said it a minute earlier, brain still fogged over from sleep, “i haven’t slept this late since i was in high school.”

you climbed off of him and left your bedroom, riley crossing the hallway from the bathroom to her bedroom. she looked you up and down before a laugh escapes her, eyes focusing on your hair. 

“did you just wake up?” she asked through her laugh, pausing in her steps. you nodded with your lips sealed tight. jeongin came up behind you, a yawn leaving his lips, and she laughed even harder.

“i think we spent our friday nights very differently,” she leaned against the doorway to the bathroom, “i’m sorry i can’t come tonight, chan really wants to take me to this pop up art exhibit in queens, he’s been talking about it for days.”

“no biggie, you were there last night. we’re going to a club anyways, neither of you would enjoy it,” you swung your hand in a don’t worry about it movement, leaning your back into jeongin’s chest. his arms secured themselves around your torso, sitting his head on top of yours. 

“you guys are gross!” she yelled at the display of affection, turning around to go back to her room quicker than she was before. you rolled your eyes and went into the bathroom to shower, jeongin’s arms still tightly wrapped around you. 

with only four hours to get ready, you stopped to get coffee and something to put in your stomach before heading back home. you hadn’t been to a club in awhile and the small part of your closet dedicated to clubbing outfits reflected that. you chose your shortest, skimpiest dress and a pair of boots, accessorized with all of your favorite jewelry. you wrapped your hair up in a quick updo, knowing even though there’s a slight chill to the city air at night, you’d be sweating in the club if you kept your hair down. your makeup was messy and dark, more sultry than you typically did it. you felt good, great even, you were ready to go out to celebrate yourself.

jeongin was the first to get to your apartment, only running home to change, and he looked delicious. you adored him in all black, it was your favorite color on him, especially when he had his arms visible. with a tank top on, silver chain and baggy jeans, you wanted to undress him in the small entryway. if someone else didn’t show up within minutes you weren’t sure if you’d make it to the club at all. 

“we don’t have enough time, stop looking at me like that, pervert,” he pointed a finger at you, reading your mind.

“i’m here!” yunho entered right after, and you looked back to jeongin with a pout. he mouthed i told you and you ripped your focus from him to yunho, who walked into the entryway with ivy right behind him. “i brought don julio and sour mix!”

“you know me so well, jeong yunho.”

an hour later there were six of you in your cramped kitchen, you’d taken far too many shots for a pregame. you were feeling the liquor, tequila always made you talkative, in combination with the reason for going out you were nearly bouncing off the walls of your apartment. when wooyung entered your apartment with san beside him, you were grateful riley had left the apartment when she did. you’d told wooyoung that riley wasn’t going tonight, but you definitely didn’t take into consideration everyone meeting up here beforehand nor did you think of the state san would be in.

you’d never seen him so… miserable. bags under his eyes, a slouch in his posture, he looked utterly defeated. you’d heard riley arguing with him over the phone plenty of times the past couple of weeks, which you assumed was because she ended things with him. you still hadn’t talked to her about it, you put all the context clues together enough to make out your own version of the story. seeing him so sad only confirmed what you’ve been thinking, if riley was here you’re sure that’d only make him feel worse. 

you all hopped in an uber together, heading to the club no earlier than 9:30. with almost an hour drive ahead of you, you made wooyoung connect his phone to the speakers, at least listening to good music on the way there to keep your energy up. by the time you got there your already buzzed mind had lessened a bit, which only left room for more shots.

yunho wasn’t lying when he said he’d set everything up. you got in with ease and an entire section was waiting for the six of you, the lights were dim save for the strobe lights covering every inch of the dance floor, leaving your table in the dark. a navy blue booth wrapped around the black table, which was covered with buckets of ice, bottles of liquor, and mixers that were brought over by bottle service. that was new to you, something you’d never experienced before, cheers surrounding your table with a huge sign that read ‘congratulations ki!’ 

as much as you were embarrassed from so much attention on you, you were overwhelmed with gratitude towards your friends for the gesture. tonight was already so good, so special, you wondered why you didn’t go clubbing more often.

“we didn’t get sour mix, how about a vodka soda?” jeongin asked from beside you, already holding the bottle of vodka in his left hand and the pitcher of club soda in his right. your face scrunched up but you nodded anyway, knowing the simple drink would get the job done. 

bass pounded through your blood, the loud music heard in your entire body. you all began mixing drinks, pouring shots, dancing along to the music around the table. after an hour's drive you desperately had to pee, you excused yourself and immediately began your hunt for the restroom. 

you passed the bar and yunho caught your eye, your eyebrow popped up in question as he leaned over the bar, face oddly close to the bartender. you recognized her, she was just at your table, delivering the drinks, and the gaze she kept on yunho the whole time was starting to make sense. you decided to leave it, putting the picture in your back pocket, and continued your search for the bathroom. 

when you got back jeongin handed you the drink he mixed for you, and your face scrunched up in disgust. on top of it not being your favorite thing to drink, he made it entirely too strong. 

“you will never be a bartender, ayen,” you stuck your tongue out, letting the first sip run its course through you. you felt the heat from the liquor run down your throat and sit in your stomach before it settled, allowing you to take another sip. 

“i even tried it, i didn’t think it was that bad,” jeongin counters, shrugging. 

“too strong?” san asked from the couch, “lemme try it.”

you handed your drink to him from across the table, and he took a sip through your straw. he let out a loud woo! that you knew meant it was too strong and you laughed, the bartender himself backing up your claim. he took a big swig of it and picked up the pitcher of cranberry juice, filling your glass back up to the top then handed it back to you. you gave it a good mix with your straw before trying it, the taste 10 times better than it was before.

“much better, feel like i should tip you for that,” you smiled and he let out a small chuckle, you wanted to pat yourself on the back for getting miserable san to smile. wooyoung was already somewhere on the dance floor and you let your gaze turn to the crowd in search of him, now feeling your buzz pick back up, you wanted to join him. 

“gonna go find wooyoung, join me,” you leaned down to jeongin who was sitting on the end of the booth and pecked him quickly, grabbing his hand to pull him towards the dance floor. 

you kept your hands linked as you began your search, pushing through the crowd, looking for the flopping mess of dark hair that was no doubt already dancing with someone. wooyoung was on the same level as you, if not more intoxicated, he took every shot with you before you had left the house.

you finally found him in the middle of the crowd, a girl with dark hair pressed to his front, a tall guy with blonde hair whose hands were glued to his hips behind him. you smiled, this was wooyoung in his element, a sight you always loved to see. wooyoung was the prime example you had of being yourself and doing as you pleased, fuck what anyone else thought. it’s why you kept him so close to you, he wasn’t just your biggest supporter but he pried you out of your small town shell with ease. 

you yelled to him over the music to steal his attention and he grabbed your hand over the girl in front of him. jeongin kept himself close to you, his hands on your own hips mimicking those on wooyoung’s. his eyes were glazed over, already in his element, drunk and clearly horny. you laughed, dancing along to the music with the four surrounding you. 

you switched partners a few times, jeongin did too, which took you by surprise. whenever he drank he always kept it to a minimum, never letting his walls fully come down, always cautious of what’s surrounding him. as you saw him dancing with the girl with the dark hair you knew he was feeling the liquor, going along with whatever was presented to him. unlike him, you did get jealous, keeping an eye on her arms that hung over his shoulders. there was space between their bodies, the opposite of how you were pressed between wooyoung and the blonde. 

“hello?” wooyoung said in your ear in shock, which was his language for what the hell is going on? wooyoung was used to you being flirty with him when you drank, how sometimes you’d use it to your advantage to get on jeongin’s nerves. what he’d never seen before is jeongin do it to you.

you shrugged and finished off your drink, keeping your empty glass close to you as you kept dancing, turning every few minutes to face either wooyoung or the blonde. jeongin stayed in your peripherals, his dancing was still innocent, you could read the impish look on his face as he kept his focus on you, knowing exactly what was running through your mind. 

his arm reached out for you and you grabbed it immediately, letting him pull you towards him, pressing his lips to yours harshly. he could feel the jealousy radiating through your body as his hands went to your lower back, your arms swung over his shoulders exactly how the girl’s were moments prior. 

“is my baby jealous?” he pulled away from your lips, pressing his lips to your ear so you could hear him clearly. your bodies swayed, his leg in the middle of yours, grinding yourselves against one another to the beat of the song.

“not even a little bit,” you huffed out the lie, your voice labored with need as his knee pressed between your legs. 

“not fun when it’s done to you, huh? thought you’d get me all worked up dancing with wooyoung?” his voice was deeper, sounding like velvet so close to your ear, “got you worked up instead.”

you grabbed his jaw and made him face you, kissing him instead. your bodies came to a still as the music pounded from his body into yours, just focused on each other and the taste of each other’s mouths. you didn’t care that you were in public, didn’t care that you were surrounded by so many people, you needed him now. 

“come get a drink with me!” wooyoung yelled, pulling the two of you out of your bubble, “stop fucking on the dance floor, it’s gross.”

“you’re one to talk,” jeongin replies with a smirk, eyes glancing over to the blonde he was just kissing a moment ago.

“save me, he’s a bad kisser,” wooyoung said quieter so only you and jeongin could hear, a specific volume with the music still blasting in your ears. 

you and jeongin both laughed, following him back through the crowd and over to the table. it was quieter at the table, your skin still vibrated with the rush from the dance floor, somehow you felt more drunk as the area felt calmer. you refilled your drink the way san had mixed it then made the same for jeongin who’s head was somewhere else, too.

“let’s take more shots,” wooyoung suggested, not giving anyone time to answer as he set up six shot glasses. san waved it off, not wanting one, and the rest of you stood around the table to take them. 

“where’s riley? i totally thought she’d be here,” ivy asked you after she took the shot back, sitting back down on the cushioned booth. you sat on the end, jeongin stood next to the booth. 

“she has a date with chan tonight,” you replied with a smirk, your words slurring, you picked up your glass to take a sip through the straw. 

“chan? i didn’t know they were seeing each other,” ivy’s eyebrows furrow and excitement floods through you, remembering how long it took to actually get them together. 

“finally, i’ve been trying to get them together for years! i’m so excited it’s finally happening,” you settled into the booth next to her, getting comfortable on the couch. 

“years? why the hell did it take so long?” ivy moved her perfectly curled hair behind her ear to hear you better, zoned in on the conversation. as she batted her long eyelashes you couldn’t help but think how lucky yunho is to have her, she’s gorgeous.

you got into the story, telling ivy from start to finish how riley and chan finally got together, the alcohol helping you to not spare a single detail. jeongin interrupted you and you waved him off, too immersed in your conversation with ivy for whatever he had to say, he would have to wait.

“who?” you heard san’s voice and your blood ran cold, you totally forgot he was here. you could’ve been a little quieter, you didn’t have to air out riley’s business with her ex situationship right there. embarrassment floods through you, your cheeks heating up. 

“san, i-” 

“who are you talking about, ki? who’s been seeing chan for the past two weeks?” he was sitting straight up, shoulders back, and it made you slump. you wanted to crawl inside your skin and never come out. jeongin stood closer to you at hearing san’s tone and the chill within it, he didn’t like it one bit. 

“i think you already know who, san,” you took a breath, “i didn’t realize you didn’t know?” your brain was doing somersaults, you’d been hearing them argue for the past two weeks but you assumed it was because she broke things off with him. the uneasiness that consumed him, the glint in his eyes told you he really didn’t know about anything you were talking about, he had no idea riley was seeing chan. 

it’s not like riley and san dated, riley and chan weren’t dating either, you assumed. they were just seeing one another … which is more than what you thought riley and san were doing. at the end of the day, riley was still single, free to see whoever she wants. 

wooyoung who was standing behind san bent down to his ear level with a hand on his shoulder, saying things you couldn’t hear. tension laid over the table like a blanket, and you felt microscopic. you were embarrassed, regretful, and fucking drunk. 

as san took a swig from the bottle of whiskey, you could see his entire demeanor change. the misery he’d been sporting since he walked through your apartment door was replaced with darkness, some sort of menacing fire as his eyes tore through the crowd. ivy was shifting uncomfortably next to you, eyes glancing up to yunho, not knowing what to do in this situation either. 

san stood, taking another swig of the bottle, and wooyoung had a satisfied smirk on his face, still stood behind the barrier of the booth. he patted him on the shoulder over the gap, then made his way over to the table, ushering san to join him. as they left for the dance floor you glanced up to jeongin, eyes wide.

“what the hell did i just do?” you asked him, still stiff in your seat. 

jeongin shrugged, “he seems fine now. i’m sure you’ll find out from ri later, don’t let it get to you, let’s go dance.”

you stood, flattening out your dress, beckoning your buzz to return on a more positive note.

“i think we’re gonna head out,” yunho said from the booth, adorning an apologetic smile. 

you pouted, “yunho! it's too early!”

“i can only take clubs for so long, you know that,” he waved his hand, “i already took care of the bill, my treat.”

you gasped, “yun-”

“don’t say a word, i love you, kid,” he stood, him and ivy ushering themselves out of the booth, “congratulations ki, you really deserve it.”

he envelops you in a hug, planting a kiss on your head and you physically melt into his hug, tears quickly coming to your lash line. you will them away as you look up to your tallest friend, “love you too, yun, thank you so much.”

you hug ivy and they both say goodbye to jeongin, leaving the two of you on your own. you glance at each other, both wearing blank expressions, before you crack smiles at the same time. 

“should we take another shot?”

[inawickedlittletown]

Sooo I started to read other articles. I didn't after reading the ones that came out right after the episode that justifiably got everyone upset.

This one from tv insider had Tim saying this:

Moving on to Buck and Tommy’s breakup, talk about your approach to it. Why was Tommy sure that Buck would break his heart?

Tommy’s older and Buck is very new to this, and whether Tommy was correct or not, I think what he felt like was exactly what he said: I’m not your last, I’m your first, which is a special thing to be, but as Tommy says, it doesn’t usually end up being the same thing. And I think based on what we know of Buck, he’s maybe not wrong. Buck’s a little impulsive when he’s feeling a certain kind of way. He’s like, move on in, bring your couch. So I just think because Tommy’s a little older and wiser or maybe at some level he feels like he doesn’t deserve Buck, I don’t know. But I think he accurately diagnosed Buck. Buck’s still figuring himself out, and boy, that would be quite risky to move in with that guy as much as you would love to.

That does seem to be Buck’s go-to, which isn’t the best.

Exactly.

Are we going to see Buck single for a significant period of time now? Is he trying to figure out what he wants really out of a relationship?

Yeah, I think that’s right. As Tommy said, you’re still figuring yourself out, and his options have increased by 50 percent of the population. So knowing Buck, that’s going to be choice overload. He’s got to navigate that with a little self-awareness.

--

So they definitely planned for this. That's what this reads like...they wanted to break them up so that they could send Buck through a period of exploration. Tim says everything Oliver said here in much nicer terms. His view of Buck is so...Idk, it's like he sees Buck as a kid that still doesn't know what he wants. And he decided to put that view right into Tommy's head too. It's a little jarring I guess but this show...has it ever been consistent?

What sucks is that 8x05 was written like they were doing so well. And then right off the back with 8x06 we have warning signs in the date scene with the girl that approaches Buck and how Tommy sort of shrugs off Buck checking her out. I really do wonder where hot waiter fit into this and I'm so glad we didn't see Tommy like checking hot waiter out or something. But I guess that scene was there to sow the seeds. We have Buck spiraling because of the Abby thing and we have Tommy maybe not realizing but reinforcing for himself that he's a stepping stone for Buck and being okay with it in the status quo.

The way that Tim speaks about Buck asking Tommy to move in, he makes it seem like Buck is just barreling in without thought...like if they went through with it Tommy might be proven right. But then what is the point of the scene with Josh where Buck is right on the cusp of an "I love you" just to then be like no actually Tommy knows how this ends and he can read Buck and knows they're not forever. But Tommy is not a mind reader.

Where there is hope is in that Tim doesn't outwardly say anything about Tommy being gone for good. As someone else pointed out the Lou interviews were done by buddie journalists with a bias so there is a question to how much that colored what we got and why they were so determined to close the door fully. Also...why did we get exit interviews in the first place for a character that only had three episodes...it's so odd.

The writers made a point of leaving this open. Do I think we'll get Tommy back any time soon. No. But after the doom and gloom and the time to mourn this a bit I want to be positive and there is really no knowing. Tim says he thinks Buck will be single for a while...okay fine...picture that being the rest of this season.

Buck won't just jump into another relationship...and Oliver gets his Buck slut era 2.0...what if S9 brings back Tommy? What if this is the long game...or at least the thing they can have in their back pocket if Lou is available later on to come back. But that's not something they can promise or that they can commit to and Lou isn't on contract clearly and Oliver wouldn't know if that's the plan...hell even Tim probably doesn't know if they'll do that. Or I'm giving him too much credit because as we've seen this season storylines have been rushed to close up at breakneck speeds so it would be an anomaly for him to prolong something like this.

All this to say, showing the network and Tim that bucktommy matters to a lot of people and that Tommy matters...it may just make a difference.

[artslovergirl]

art & patrick at mark rebellato academy

[headcanons]

notes: i really enjoyed writing this because i just genuinely adore these characters and this movie so much. there's so many interesting little details and nuances there that i could just talk about forever and ever. i truly hope i did them justice here lol (also writing this made me jealous of people that are good at writing character analysis' and thinkpieces bc wow it is hard!) but yeah enjoy!

wordcount: 3.4k

they met at age 12 during their first day at the mark rebellato academy in their now shared room. 

when art came in with a duffel bag (that looked comically big next to his scrawny kid body) patrick was already sitting on the bed he had claimed(the right side next to the door) all by himself, his parents didn't have a very tearful nor long goodbye as they sent their son off to boarding school.

in contrast art’s mom and grandma seemed keen to embarrass him in front of his new roommate with their cooing and hugging him goodbye. 

it wasn't even like his mom and him were really all that close though. she just seemed to want to squeeze in all the moments of a loving mother-son relationship into the small segments of time she actually spent with him.

the goodbye hug and small ruffle of his hair from his grandma felt a little more genuine. embarrassing all the same as he could feel the other dark haired boy try not to crack up at the display.

"mom. please." he pleaded with her as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "i’m sorry, artie, but i need to make up for all the time i'm gonna miss with you!" yeah, he bets.

a few minutes later and a tear or two from his mother they did finally leave him be. as soon as he heard the door shut though, the awkward silence enveloping the room almost made him miss them. 

he threw his duffel bag on the left bed and sat down on the edge. he fidgeted with his bottom lip, a nervous habit he's had for as long as he could remember. 

the brunette boy shifted on the bed so he was now facing him. his mouth pulled into a toothy grin "so you're...artie?" 

art groaned and hid his head in his hands, slumped over his knees. "no, that's..just my moms nickname for me. sorry you had to see that." he says in a squeaky broken voice which didn't help the embarrassment he was already feeling.

the other boy just brushed right past all that and said "i’m patrick." and then as an afterthought, "zweig."

"uh." art leaned back up, still avoiding his gaze. it was weirdly intense. "yeah, i’m..art. um, donaldson." he said the last part like it was a question almost.

patrick began to swing his legs a little. it was clear to him that art was the quiet type even if they had just exchanged a few words so far, but luckily patrick didn't mind talking. it was something his father always hated about him. he almost talked enough for both of them which after a little while finally seemed to break the ice of art's shy exterior. 

art didnt know what he thought about patrick yet. he was pretty..confident that was for sure. even a little arrogant, maybe. art scolded himself internally for being so judgemental. it was quality he hated about himself, but seemingly couldn’t get rid of.

despite all of that he had to admit that patrick was easy to talk to. there was never an uncomfortable gap in conversation with him. which art liked since those kinds of things made him want to crawl out of his skin sometimes.

that first night he spent staying up with patrick, slowly realizing how much they had in common while simultaneously being complete opposites, is one of his fondest memories and probably always will be. he never experienced another connection that felt anything even close to that.

their room wasn't too small but with the way patrick would just constantly toss his clothes wherever he pleased it seemed a lot smaller. 

it's not like art was insanely neat or anything, he was still a teenage boy. patrick was just exceptionally messy.

"patrick, this shit is so gross, i told you to use the hamper." 

patrick groaned, "youre such a neatfreak, fuck off." 

at that response a pair of dirty boxers were thrown at his head, courtesy of art. "i don't want to see or smell your worn underwear. that doesn't make me a neatfreak." 

patrick just tossed it back in art’s direction, to which the blonde quickly scurried out of the way to dodge it like his life depended on it. 

"you know if tennis doesn't work out for you, you'll make a good housewife." patrick grinned mockingly.

“ha-ha.” art just rolled his eyes, stuck up his middle finger and let the door slam behind him with his racket bag slung over his shoulder. 

trying to get patrick to do anything was like trying to teach a cat to do a trick without any treats. borderline impossible. so by age 15 art finally gave up.

...until he realized a year later that patrick would clean his side of the room whenever they had a girl over so..

yeah, sometimes he did lie and tell patrick that a girl was coming over just so he would clean his side of the room. 

you can judge him all you want but you never had to room with patrick zweig

 and after the third time that trick stopped working anyway. art was never a good liar. or maybe patrick could just call his bullshit way too easily.

they didn't fight too often, it was more like they constantly got into little tiffs

except for that time where it got so out of hand that they duct-taped a line dividing their rooms into two sides. (i know this is giving sitcom i'm sorry but tell me i'm wrong)

eventually they kind of forgot what they even fought about in the first place but they were too lazy to take the tape off of the carpet, so it just stayed on there for like 2 years till it peeled off.

like i mentioned in my other post these two were BITCHES

they would def talk shit all the time. they were not even trying to be secret about it tbh. (see: them staring at anna crying at tashi's party)

they sat in the bleachers watching one of their classmates play a practice match

“dude, look at that forehand. it sucks.” art muttered. patrick nodded, “i know. no way she’ll even make it through the semester.” “i’ll be surprised if she makes it through this match without fracturing her wrist.” patrick snickered at art’s comment.

actual mean girls LMAO

and to be fair, they were fucking amazing at tennis, especially when they played together

so it's not like anyone could necessarily insult them back

but it also wasn't bullying or anything

they were just judgy and loved to talk shit

art had some decorum about it or felt bad about it sometimes. not patrick though. 

man has no shame. never did. as art so lovingly puts it “the part of his brain that feels shame withered away a long time ago.”

art wore glasses from ages 12 till 14 

he then switched to contact lenses because patrick said girls dont like guys with glasses and that they make him look nerdy

they weren't allowed to have any sort of electronics like computers or flip phones at the academy. not even mp3 players. 

now obviously patrick completely ignored that rule. he had like three flip phones under his bed in case his actual one ever got taken (it did)

he also smuggled in 2 mp3 players (one was for art, patrick is so kind… he did charge him 4 dollars for it though. that rich asshole. lmao)

honestly i would like to insert here what i think they would have listened to but..i was like..a baby when they wouldve been at the academy so..feel free to drop your music headcanons in the reblogs or comments 

they were only allowed one weekly call to their families from the communal landline.

neither patrick nor art were very fond of these calls so even though they weren't supposed to they would always go into the phone room together.

patricks mother always insisted on speaking in german with her son. he thought she only did it because it made her feel more connected to his father’s side of the family. not like it would fix their fucked up marriage though. 

“nein, mama, ich habe mein deutsch nicht vergessen.” (no, mom, i havent forgotten my german) he sighs. art sits on the floor next to him and flicks a rubber band at him. “ja, verstanden. ja, ich weiß.” (yes, understood. yes, i know.) he rolls his eyes. 

art understood a few of the basic words since patrick taught him some german after art asked how to correctly pronounce his last name. 

“..bis nächste woche. tschüss.” (talk to you next week. bye.) he hung up. his mom said i love you but he knew she didn't mean it so he didn't say it back. 

patrick groaned and stretched out his legs that were seemingly getting longer by the day (art secretly prayed for a growth spurt that would make him taller than patrick. right now he was still pretty short for a guy his age.) 

he handed the phone to art. “she always talks so much. it's like i'm not even on the other line.” patrick scowls. art just nodded. he knew that by now.

art called his grandma but his dad picked up instead. it was okay. talking to his dad felt a little like talking to some distant uncle that he only saw once a year, “how's it going, champ?” “good.” “great.” that kinda stuff

the phone call lasted 5 minutes. he stood up and hung the phone back on the receiver. 

“wanna smoke?” patrick asked already reaching for the two loose cigarettes stuffed into his jean shorts pocket.

art nodded. he didn't really like smoking, and he kind of only did it because patrick did. and whenever he did, all he could think about was how bad for him it was. 

he was always pretty conscious about that kinda stuff, it was a little drilled into him by his dad who was the most adamant about art becoming a tennis player since he used to be one when he was younger.

so sugar and fats (basically anything that tasted good) were pretty much banned in the donaldson household 

which kind of resulted in art subconsciously believing that anything that brought him joy or pleasure must be inherently bad for him or followed by a feeling of guilt and shame to make up for it.

needless to say art wasn't the best at indulging. he was a little jealous of how patrick never seemed to have any issue with that sort of thing.

patrick didn't care about maintaining a good diet or depriving himself of life's pleasures for the sake of tennis. he took what he wanted like life owed it to him. 

maybe that's why he smoked with patrick. to try and be more like him?

also because it gave him a nice sense of rebellion.

most things he did with patrick gave him that feeling.

at the academy they were the definition of ‘not sold separately’

if you saw one the other wasn't far behind

its not like they didn't have other friends. they did. they were pretty popular actually

but none of those friendships were anything like what art and patrick had.

especially when playing doubles.

it felt like they could communicate telepathically 

patrick knew when art was going for the ball before the other team even served and vice versa.

tennis felt different when they were playing together. better.

and it felt so easy, it felt like nothing they needed to work on. their friendship was the same. it was so easy, so natural.

after about a year or so of being friends they started being in sync. literally.

they cross their legs at the same time, they pick up their rackets at the same time, they adjust their forehand grip at the same time, they walk at the same pace, they sit down the same etc etc you get it

also that isn't really a headcanon, like this is canon in the movie. and it makes me SICK that they were still in sync in 2019. after not talking for 12 years. shut up that’s some soulmate shit

now let's talk about something else that is canon…the pushed together beds.

yes!

now, i think patrick is a person that is pretty open with his body in general in terms of like being physically affectionate. or just being physical. 

i don't know if art is, i think he's a little more reserved. (repressed if you will! i will!)

but patrick touching him so casually does fill a little tiny (gaping) void in him that yearns for touch.

he is a professional yearner as we all know

and patrick never had an issue satisfying those yearnings for him. (i think we saw that in the fact that patrick taught art how to jerk off ok next topic)

patrick would sling his arm around his shoulder, lay his long legs over arts lap, ruffle arts curls (“stop that, you're messing them up.” “no, i'm not they always look like this”),he would barge into their room after practice flopping his tall sweaty body on top of art to annoy him.

they were very physically affectionate it was just all under the guise of shoving and tripping each other and just general teenage boy roughhousing shenanigans. that counts as a love language to me ok!

art got used to patrick touching him very quick and even reciprocated sometimes 

also i do think that sometimes patrick would smack art’s ass as a joke. lol. (that's inspired by that video of the two doubles players doing that…do you guys know what i’m talking about)

OK SO!

the beds.

they were 16. patrick suggested it. “these beds are too fucking small.” he complained, laying on his staring at the smoke detector that he had covered with a shower cap so it wouldnt detect the smoke from his cigarettes. 

and to be fair…yeah. patrick stood at 1,80 cm right now and his feet were hanging over the edge of the bed.

art looked up from his book which he was only reading to impress a girl he had a crush on. patrick had told him to just pretend he read it but art said that was disingenuous and he wanted to know what she liked and why she liked it. 

“you know what we should do? we should push our beds together.” patrick sat up, grinning like he just had the best idea ever. 

arts features twisted up in thought. “isn't that a little close?” 

“nah, why, we still have our own beds. just more space.” patrick shrugged.

he glanced at their beds. “uhhh…i guess we can do that. the beds are a little cramped. although is that even allowed?” art began fidgeting with his lip like he usually did when he was in thought.

but patrick was already in the process of shoving his bed next to arts after which he let himself fall onto the two beds in a starfish position, with his gangly limbs almost stretching to every corner of the beds. “oh. great. and i’ll just curl up at the foot of the bed then?” art gave patrick a deadpan stare. 

“up to you.” patrick grinned in that specific way that really irked art. 

patrick did make some space for him once they actually went to sleep that night

even now they were two opposites making a whole

patrick always ran cold so he hogged all the blankets and art always ran hot so he immediately kicked them off of him as soon as he fell asleep 

that only made this new pushed together beds thing even better for patrick because he now got to have his own blanket AND steal arts every night

i wouldn't say they cuddled necessarily? i think it was more just like the regular amount of physical touching that happens when you sleep in the same bed

which is still pretty intimate to me idk about you guys

like their legs kind of thrown over each others, art’s arm occasionally draped over patricks chest (or literally on his face. art denies every time that he does it on purpose but patrick KNOWS he does it to annoy him. he knows.) 

one time art had a nightmare of being trapped under a rock only to wake up and find out that somehow patrick had rolled over in the middle of the night and was now laying COMPLETELY on top of art. right before he was about to push him off (because he was making art actively suffocate) patrick rolled over again and fell out of bed. he didn't even wake up from that. genuinely just slept on the floor that night. freak of nature that guy.

also patrick for sure twitches like a dog in his sleep

and i think it used to wake art up because he's a pretty light sleeper but eventually he just got used to it lol

when art went to stanford he never finished the last bite of anything he ate because he was so used to patrick being next to him and just stealing the last bite.

patrick really really wanted to get his ears pierced when he was 15. 

so naturally he asked art to do it for him.

you know…like how they did it in the parent trap. which if you asked them is a movie that they definitely haven't seen. ( but they did see it and art cried at the twins reuniting with their parents, oops.)

unfortunately for patrick art was very very squeamish with needles at that age (i think that mellowed down the older he got but he still refused to look whenever he got vaccinations or anything like that.) 

so now it was midnight, they were in their room sitting on the floor and arguing

“dude, just do it, stop being such a wuss. you're not even the one getting pierced.” patrick groaned, he had numbed his earlobe with ice but he could already feel a little bit of the feeling return to it, that's how long they had been sitting there with art squirming around because he hated even looking at the sewing needle.  

“that's worse though because i have to look at the needle going in your ear!” art argued

“ well, i can't do it myself.” patrick replied.

...

“are you wearing my shirt?” art squinted at him

“stop trying to change the subject.” 

“i told you to stop stealing my clothes. i don't want to do laundry that often.”

“can you focus?” patrick groaned

“dude.. okay, fine. just give me a second.” art took a deep breath.

“oh. my god. you're not performing open heart surgery.” 

“shut the fuck up.”

“you shut the fuck up.” 

and what do you know that response got art to get over his fear of needles for a second and stab that thing right through his best friends ear 

the little high pitched yelp patrick let out in surprise at that is something art didn't let him forget about for like two weeks after

it took about another hour for art to pierce patricks second ear and eventually they managed but then like a week later patrick forgot to put his earrings in and the piercings immediately grew shut

so all that drama was for nothing!

i think art has always kind of been the type of guy to want domesticity. 

i already posted about this somewhere but i kind of came to that conclusion because patrick said “he wants to spend time with his family” to tashi in the alley scene

patrick hadn’t spoken to art for like a decade at that point

and you could say it's a good guess but NO! 

patrick knows art like the back of his hand and patrick knows that art has always wanted a family and how much it probably kills him to miss out on time with them due to his career at that point in time (also just throwing this out there i think art always wanted to have a daughter more than a son, like that just makes sense to me. maybe bc i think his own relationship with his dad is so distant? idk!)

so yeah

also the sauna scene where patrick says that marriage isn't what he was for 

(to me) also implies that he is the opposite of art who was meant for marriage

anyway do i think that art shared his wishes for a family and marriage in the future with patrick? yes

do i think patrick jokingly made art promise to make him his best man? yeah

and furthermore do i think about the fact that patrick then had to read about arts wedding in some tabloid years later? yep!

i’m sure i could think of more in the future but that's all i've got for now! i hope this was coherent enough to enjoy because it’s not as proofread as my fics usually are lol! i just wanted to get these thoughts out there

if some of these seem familiar it might be because i took some of these from my twt!

i also have some more headcanons floating around on my tumblr that i didn't include here if you want to find those, or not, i'm not your mom! 

[glisten-inthedark]

Sorry if its too much to ask but im a mileven turning into a byler and i honestly doubt it happening, can you convince me or at least explain so i can understand

Hello, how are you doing?

Ok, so first things first. I won't try and convince you of anything because I genuinely do feel that shipping should be organic, but I'll provide textual evidence and comparisons you can use to guide you.

This got extremely long lmao.

Will Byers was always meant to be canonically homosexual

I think the most important point to start with is this. Will was always meant to be gay, and his queercoding was present from the start. His own father used the f- slur to talk about him, his bullies always attacked his sexuality and even Hopper assumed he was the victim of a hate crime.

So we know that from the very beginning, they wanted him to be gay but his sexuality was never treated as a joke. I think is important to note the difference between internal dialogue and external dialogue when it comes to writing or presenting an idea.

Mike and Will's relationship has been treated differently from the start

Let's assume they were always meant to be viewed as closer friends. This could possibly work if weren't for Dustin and Mike's conversation during season 1 where Mike explicitly tells him that he and Lucas are his best friends. So theoretically, there should be no difference in how their relationships are shown within canon.

It'd be one thing for the three boys to address that Mike and Will are different, is another thing for the story to show and tell us that.

And you might be asking yourself, how do they do that?

Firstly, they do it by singling Mike out. When Will's "body" was found, we see all of their reactions right? But the only person that snaps to someone he was being kind to up until that point is Mike.

Just him.

Lucas says: "It's really him" and Dustin appears to want to cry, but Mike is the one who snaps at El, who tells her she told him Will was alive, and then he asks "What is wrong with you?"

He's the only person we follow home, he's the only one we see breaking down in his mother's arms. He's the only person they really focus on, and this is where I need you to ask yourself why.

I won't give you an answer because I really want you to think about it, but if all these boys are best friends, if all of them collectively care about Will like we know they do, why was Mike singled out for his reaction?

Mike is also the only person, besides Will's own mother, who believes wholeheartedly he is alive. When questioned by Lucas about it, he claims he doesn't have an explanation for the body, but he just "knows" is not him.

Considering that not even Jonathan believed Will was alive - and we all know he loves his brother more than anything - I also ask you to ask yourself why that is.

Why did Mike seemingly "just know" Will was alive when the only person who had that same gut feeling was Will's mother, the person who gave birth to him? No one else did. Not Lucas, not Dustin, not Jonathan.

Just Mike and Joyce.

Again, if these boys have been friends for years at this point, why is Mike's belief system the one that diverges from the others? Why didn't he also keep assuming Will was dead until he heard his voice?

And if all of their friendships were meant to be seen as equal, why did the reveal of the walkie-talkie happen with just Mike there? I mean, all of them cared about Will, so why not have all of them there? Why not show them collectively reacting to it?

During season 2, we again see Mike being singled out when it comes to Will.

Again, Mike himself told Dustin they were all his best friends. That's what was said to us, so is not really about friendship, but rather about the intricacies of caring and of love.

In season 2, Mike says: "He's quiet today" and Lucas says: "He's always quiet" and Mike says something along the lines of "This feels different or this is different". Again, they are showing us that Mike appears to be more in tune with Will.

This proves to be the point whenever Will is having one of his visions and Mike is the one who pulls him out of them. When Will calls Mike during Halloween, Mike mysteriously shows up there almost as if he heard him call.

They also drew a very explicit parallel between Will and Mike and Nancy and Jonathan. When Nancy got through the mini portal, she started calling out to him and he pulled her back. When Will was in that vision state, he called Mike and Mike pulled him out of it.

And just a forewarning, I will make comparisons to Mike and El's relationship but I mean no disrespect to you or your ship. Is just how I perceive things but that doesn't mean you are less valid for seeing things differently and I'll try not to get into deep about how I feel about their relationship.

When El called Mike, he never heard her. He never felt her.

He thought he saw Eleven, but didn't go after her nor did he actively try and find her even when he kept trying to reach her in his walkie-talkie. He never dragged himself to the middle of the woods to find her, he never went against explicit orders from a police officer to go after her.

And then we have a scene that tells us exactly how Mike and Will met.

We face the same conundrum when Mike blows daggers at Dustin for trying to help Will and tells Will "he'd take him home" only to take him to his own house.

When Will explains to him what is happening, he tells him not to tell the others because they wouldn't understand and then he says he feels like he's going crazy and well Mike says they'll go crazy together. And the thing is, the writers could have easily thrown in something innocuous like: "No you're not going crazy", or "This feeling will pass" or not have Will say anything about going crazy at all. The scene would come off as way less romantic and it would still have worked.

And again, we know all of them care about each other, that they'd do anything for each other. But, Mike is the only one of them who is there.

He is standing there, watching his friend be in pain, and he tells him that asking him to be his friend was the best thing he ever done.

So I ask you again, why was Mike singled out. Why was he the only one there from the party?

And let's compare the content of what is said, shall we?

Joyce informs Will of his birthday, and how he gave someone a toy because the person was sad.

Jonathan tells Will about the day their father left and they built Castle Byers together.

All of those moments start to sound really small compared to this monumental thing Mike shares because the thing is. Will is aware that his birthday is March 22 (and so are the writers but I digress), and he knows that he and Jonathan built the castle when Lonnie left.

And he also knows when he and Mike met. What he didn't know, up until that point, is that it meant that much to Mike. Was that, canonically, Mike viewed it as the best choice he ever made.

During season 3, both Lucas and Mike were the source of Will's anger, and yet Mike is the only one who follows Mike out of the basement and he immediately backtracks and tells Will it was a cool campaign.

Now, did at any point Will tell Mike he didn't like girls? Did he, at any point, make passing remarks about not feeling attraction towards them?

Was there any realistic reason for Mike to say the words: "Is not my fault you don't like girls" instead of saying: "Is not my fault you can't get a girlfriend?" or "Is it too bad that I want to spend some time with my girlfriend?" All of these are far more acceptable responses to Will's argument than what he said and yet he went straight for the jugular with no reason whatsoever.

In canon there was no reason for him to assume Will didn't like girls - especially considering he urged Will to dance with a girl a few months prior -. So how the hell did he go from Will should dance with a girl (which implies he didn't assume anything other than Will being straight) to: "Is not my fault you don't like girls?

And we can see he immediately feels sorry, and when Will bikes away he goes out after him without hesitation in the pouring rain to apologize.

Now, another parallel to Mike and El. When they break up everything around them is colorful and bright, Mike doesn't look upset, or heartbroken, he just looks pissed and Max straight up tells El he'll come crawling back and asking for forgiveness in no time.

Does he do it?

No.

But who does he go after immediately after fighting? I don't have to tell you.

Mike had been dating El for a while up to that point, you'd think he'd be upset that she broke up with him, instead, he looked at him like "What the fuck" and kept complaining about it. He looked more guilty about what he said to Will than about the fact he was lying to El.

And by the end of the season, we can see he looks terrified the moment El kisses him and tells him he loves her. He doesn't close his eyes, and he doesn't kiss her back, he just stands there looking utterly lost and confused.

And then they did something that is particularly gut-punching.

They used Heroes by Peter Gabriel again - the same song was used when Will's body was found.

Not only the music was the same, but we saw Mike staring at Will's house with this somber expression and biking away. As he gets home, he holds his mother and if you're thinking that this sounds familiar is because it is. We saw it before: The same exact thing happened when Will's body was found.

Now we have to remember that Mike was losing both El and Will. That both of them are leaving, and yet every single visual and musical cue tells us who Mike is subconsciously thinking about.

They could have chosen any other song, they didn't need to make it look like Mike was about to have a panic attack when El kissed him (and make it look like he was terrified) and they sure as hell didn't have to use the same song they used when Will's body was found and for Mike to hug his mother the same way he did that fateful night.

And I saw someone argue that he looks like that because he realized he loved. If that was the case, why didn't he just say it then? She heard him say it before, and she tells him she loves him too, so not only does that let him know she feels the same, but it should also help with his insecurity about not being sure he feels like that in season 4. And also, she signed all her letters as "Love, El", and he didn't pick up on it? Unlikely.

Not only do we have Finn's acting to rely on, but we also have the script that explicitly states that as El kisses him, Mike feels confused and asks "What is wrong with me?"

And oh my am I rambling, I am so sorry lmao but I still have thoughts™ so I hope you don't mind lmao.

In season 4, we see that Mike has no issue hugging Dustin and that he has no issue maintaining his friendships with his other friends or with talking to El but wouldn't you know it? He hasn't been talking to Will for months.

Then there's the infamous airport awkward af half hug, and Mike casting furtive glances toward Will the entire time (you can rewatch the scene and see it for yourself).

Another important thing to note is that there was no single moment between Mike and El where they were alone if we don't count their argument about him not telling her he loves her.

Every other single moment of the season they share has Will standing there. They force us to feel sorry for him, they force us to confront the fact that Mike and El being together is breaking his heart, and they make us feel even sorrier for a boy who's already been through too much.

They even tell us a few facts while they are it:

Will loves Mike. Mike doesn't make him like a mistake at all, he makes him feel better for being himself. Will pictures himself with Mike by his side forever, and he doesn't think he'll be ever able to move on from him and from how he feels.

He literally Cyrano de Bergerac's the shit out of the situation because he couldn't stand the thought of Mike thinking about himself in that way. He loves Mike so much that he gives up something sacred to him just so that Mike gets to be happy. He rips off the band-aid because he lost all hope, and he has come to accept that he won't get his happy ending.

And there's something even more inherently tragic in what Will does - from an anthropological standpoint that is, because he's not giving Mike just a painting, but a sacred part of himself, of what makes him "him"". He wraps it up with lies, closes it with a beautiful bow, and signs El's name on it. He says what he feels and assigns those feelings to El, but what Mike truly has will always be a part of Will, not a part of El.

We don't even know if and where Mike keeps El's letters, and yet, every single one of Will's drawings was kept safely by Mike.

And finally, we have the final shot of the season.

At first, we see El Mike and Will standing together in the middle. Then we have Jancy and Jopper at their side.

Then El steps away and goes to the front, while Mike and Will stay behind, right in the middle, with the other couples of the show. I have a really hard time believing that was coincidental.

They could have ended the season a million different ways and yet, they didn't.

So again, ask yourself why that is.

There's a lot more I could say, but I feel like I already scared you enough as it is lmao.

I know I'm not giving you all of the answers, but I genuinely believe that the best you can do is analyze the show in its entirety. Is for you to approach with questions instead of preconceived answers. Ask yourself: If they could go this way, why did they go that way?

I hope this helped you in some way, and I also wanted you to remember this is a process. The show was meant to be redigested and reassessed, it was meant to be watched over and over again.

If you pay attention, if you look closely, you'll see small moments of Will and Mike's relationship since season 1. If you pay more attention, they'll become more noticeable as you go.

But if you take a step back, if you start to wonder why Will has to fall in love, if you question why his love had to be implied as unrequited; why at the same time Mike and El never really talk after his supposed love speech, why is this happening at all, that should also tell you a feel things.

I don't know if this helps at all, but I hope it does, somehow.

[turtle-paced]

Do you think Jaime believes Tyrion poisoned Joffrey after he told Jaime he did during the breakout, I don't think he ever thinks about that part since he is so focused on whether Cersei had sex with Lancel and Osmund?

So here's the context:

"I never knew he would do that. You must believe me." "Oh, must I?" Tyrion snarled. "Why should I believe you about anything, ever? She was my wife!" "Tyrion—" He hit him. It was a slap, backhanded, but he put all his strength into it, all his fear, all his rage, all his pain. Jaime was squatting, unbalanced. The blow sent him tumbling backward to the floor. "I . . . I suppose I earned that." "Oh, you've earned more than that, Jaime. You and my sweet sister and our loving father, yes, I can't begin to tell you what you've earned. But you'll have it, that I swear to you. A Lannister always pays his debts." [...] Jaime handed him the ring of keys. "I gave you the truth. You owe me the same. Did you do it? Did you kill him?" The question was another knife, twisting in his guts. "Are you sure you want to know?" asked Tyrion.

Just after that, that's when we get the lines:

"You poor stupid blind crippled fool. Must I spell every little thing out for you? Very well. Cersei is a lying whore, she's been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and probably Moon Boy for all I know. And I am the monster they all say I am. Yes, I killed your vile son."

Basically, Tyrion's screwing with Jaime like Jaime screwed with him (under Tywin's instructions initially, but still, Jaime had choices in the years that followed). If Jaime made Tyrion believe a lie, Tyrion can make Jaime believe a lie. Which is all the easier to feed him when it comes with the truth of Cersei's infidelity. As Jaime realises over AFFC, that part definitely has the ring of truth to it.

I think there's a part of Jaime that knows Tyrion was lashing out - the relevant truth, more than anything about who killed Joffrey, is that Tyrion was that angry with Jaime. The lies Jaime told blew up the relationship that much, and that's what's made Tyrion tell both that truth and that lie, in a way that they both knew would get under Jaime's skin like nothing else. Jaime's not just struggling with his father's murder and the realisation that his sister-girlfriend has been cheating on him, he's dealing with the realisation that his brother might really hate him now too.

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

HIII YOU DID SO WELL WITH THE X-2 KURT I feel like you really captured him welll,Can you do another one where reader was apart of the brotherhood but magneto and mystique left reader so she stayed with the x-men and she’s still adapting and when she meets Kurt she grows fond of him since she used to be religious and starts to get feelings for him please! (If you can’t write the religious part it’s totally fine too!)

~You Gotta Have Faith~

Pairing: Nightcrawler x Reader

Word Count: 4.4k

Warnings: you read the ask (hopefully) the story is about religion and having a complicated relationship about it, proceed at your own desire

Genre: fluff pretty much

Summary: You can't be the best choice for a first mission with someone you couldn't feel more opposite of

A/N: HIIII SO GLAD YOU LIKED THAT STORY I hope you what I came up with for this one :)

***

The frantic knocking at your door puts you on high alert when you hear it from your room. You creep up to the door, watching the shadows move across your kitchen as the sun inches into the sky.

"Professor!" A voice whisper shouts through the door, knocking harder.

Professor? You quickly check your peephole and gasp when you realize it's students from the school. You swing open your door to find at least 10 students clutching their arms.

"What are you doing here? Where is your guardian?" You ask.

"Me." Peter points to himself.

"You're a student. What adult is responsible for you?"

"Well- you."

"Me? How did you even know where to find me!?" You frown.

"The manor was attacked." He says.

That's not an- oh whatever.

"Wha-" You tilt your head up and mouth a 'fuck me-' "Alright, get in here before someone sees y'all and starts asking questions." You rush all of them into the house and lock your door.

"Sweetie take the little ones downstairs. There's plenty of blankets in the closet down there." You address one of the older boys in the group, maybe like 14.

"You metal man are staying up here to explain what the heck is going on." You point to Peter and gesture for him to follow you into the kitchen.

"The manor was attacked." He says sitting at your kitchen's island on one of your stools.

"You said that. What do you mean? Who attacked the manor?"

"I don't know- they were guys in military tactical gear- they came in the middle of the night and started shooting us with these. I think they're tranquilizers." Peter drops a dart onto the counter.

"And you got all these kids out?" You ask. Peter nods.

"Logan stayed to fight them off, give us a headstart."

"Logan?! But where was Storm? Or Jean, or Scott, or Charles? Where were your professors?!"

"I don't know for sure. Some mission things. They left Logan in charge."

"And the school was attacked by an army? What happened to Logan? Or the rest of the kids?"

"Logan was fighting them off. He insisted I get as many kids out as possible. He- gave me your address. Told me to bring us here. Bobby and Rogue and John stayed behind. The guys in combat gear rounded up a lot of us before Logan or I could stop them."

"Let's find everyone." You hum walking over to the wall on your left. You tap out a pattern against one of the wall panels which pops open a retina scanner which triggers a finger print and once all of that is complete the wall flips open to reveal several devices.

"Woah- what is all this stuff?"

"Expensive. Don't touch any of it." You say.

"What does it do?"

"It connects to the xmen comms system." You say.

"And you just have this in your house?" He gasps.

"No."

"No?"

"This system exists outside of time and space. I can just summon it whenever I want." You shrug.

"What kind of mutant are you?" Peter asks.

"A transmogrifier." You frown as you see most devices are offline. There's two active though, Scott in Boston? And a jet. You think.

"A- what?"

"Shapeshifter." You mutter.

"Oh like the blue lady?"

"No not like- wait how do you know about Mystique?" You stop what you're doing to look at him.

"I- should I not?"

"Well it's not like she's visiting the mansion." You scoff.

"I overheard the professors talking about her. They were going to try tracking her down but weren't sure they'd be able to because of the whole-"

"Changing into other people thing yeah I'm familiar." You say. "Mystique can turn into other people. I can turn into anything. Real." You turn into a fox for a moment. "Or imaginary." You turn into a unicorn. "If I can envision it, I can turn into it." You explain.

You finally manage to get through to the jet comms system.

"Hello?" You say.

"Y/n?"

"Storm??" You frown.

"Yes." She says.

"Aren't you out of office this week?" Another voice chimes in, surprising you.

"Jean?" You blink.

"Yes."

"Where have y'all been?! Actually, hang on. Peter, can you join the kids downstairs please hon?" It's probably best he's not present for this conversation.

"No way. I wanna help." Peter says. You sigh and mute yourself so Jean and Storm can't hear you.

"You can help by doing what I'm asking you to do." You say.

"But I should be part of this-"

"Peter, we have no idea who attacked the mansion, or why, or how far they are willing to go for whatever they're after. Right now those kids just have us and the oldest person down there is 14. I'd feel better if you were with them while I handled this."

"Why can't I hear this?" He asks.

"I know you're older but you are still a student and therefore there are some things you aren't privy to. I'll give you the gist when we're done because I might have to leave you in charge but consider this a faculty meeting. No students allowed." You say. Peter reluctantly exists the kitchen and you return your attention back to your call.

"Sorry, hi." You huff.

"What was that?" Jean asks.

"Peter."

"Who?" Storm asks.

"Peter R."

"Why is Peter R. at your house?" Storm asks.

"Do you have any idea what's going on right now!?" You shake your head.

"No. We can't get Scott, we can't get Charles, Logan's giving no information-"

"Scott's in Boston." You cut Jean off.

"Logan's in Boston." Storm corrects you.

"Logan's in Boston?! Where's Scott?" You frown.

"He was supposed to be with Charles visiting Magneto and we can't get them." Storm sighs.

"Visiting Magneto!? What the hell for?" You blink in shock.

"We're not sure-"

"Well where are yall?" You ask.

"Headed to get Logan. He said they're in trouble but he won't explain." Storm says.

"The Mansion got attacked." You say.

"What!?" They gasp.

"How do you know that?!" Jean asks.

"I've got at least a dozen kids in my house as a result of it." You say.

"A dozen? Where are the others?!" She asks.

"Deities only know!" You sigh.

"Well who the hell-"

"No idea. Peter says they were like military or something. Storm, things are bad."

"We'll be fine. There's not a thing in this galaxy we aren't able to handle. You know this, you know us." Storm says.

"I don't like that we're so scattered. We weren't prepared for this-"

"We never are. But we don't back down." Jean says.

"Holy shi-"

"What the-"

"Can one of you finish a sentence?" You ask.

"We just got to Logan." Storm says.

"Is he okay!?" Your eyes widen.

"They- seem to have picked a fight with some cops." She says.

"Logan?" You raise a brow, Logan's not a fight picker.

"He's got Rogue and Bobby and that John kid with him." Jean says.

"Let's get outta here." You hear Logan grunt.

"Logan!" You say.

"Y/n? Did that metal kid make it to you?" He asks.

"Oh he did. Him and a handful of others."

"Thank fuck." He sighs.

"Y/n we- need to go." Jean says.

"We're being shot at! We'll touch base when we're safe!" Storm tells you and disconnects.

"This is fucking insane." You sigh.

It's a while before you hear from them again. It's then that you learned about Striker and Magneto getting involved, and the new mutant. With the kids at your place and Magneto being directly involved with their save the day plan, you decide you're better off staying home. You're not sure you're quite ready to face Magneto and Mystique in an amiable way. It's a stressful couple of days waiting for an update of any kind. And it's even more stressful couple of months trying to readjust afterwards.

Repairs on the mansion are plentiful and extensive. Several students end up displaced as their rooms were destroyed but you and the others do your best to make this easier for them.

And of course there's the new mutant. Logan and Storm told you his name is Kurt Wagner, former circus performer, teletransporter and according to Logan 'total weirdo'. You haven't really spoken to him but you've seen him slinking around the manor.

As you're walking down the hall you vaguely, just barely, hear the very quiet sound of someone breathing- above you? You tilt your head up and there's Kurt, walking down the hall but on the ceiling.

"Yo Cirque du Soleil!" You call up at him.

"Me?" He bends his neck backwards to look at you upside down.

"You were in a circus weren't you?" You ask.

"Yes!"

"Well then yeah, you. Why are you on the ceiling?"

"I feel I'm better off moving around the academy this way." He says. You give yourself a set of wings and fly up to the ceiling to be face to face with him.

"Better off up here than walking like the rest of us?" You ask.

"I think I freak out some of the kids." He admits.

"What?"

"They stare at me."

"Of course they do. You're the new guy. Scott shoots lasers out of his eyes, Logan has claws in his knuckles, one of these kids turns fully metal, another's a popsicle, one kid can't touch anyone without risking their life. Trust me, it's not because you freak them out. This isn't the kind of place where you'll be judged harshly for something so trivial." You say.

"Easy for you to say. You look normal. All of them can look normal."

"Looks are deceiving."

"Not mine." He shakes his head.

"No? Well I happen to like the way you look." You shrug.

"What?" His eyes widen in surprise.

"I think it's cool. You were born this way so as far as I'm concerned it is normal. Plus who wants to be normal when you can be awesome? Or gifted as Charles calls the kids."

"You think it's cool?" Kurt seems skeptical.

"Well yeah. Do you not?"

"I-"

"Professor y/n?!" You look over your shoulder and down at the sound of your name being called.

"Oh, hey Margot." You say to one of the students.

"Why are you up there?" She asks.

"Talking to Mr. Wagner." You say.

"Who?"

"Walk like- 2 feet forward for me." You tell her. She walks forward and looks up again, Kurt now in her line of sight. He flashes an awkward smile at her.

"Who are you?" She says.

"That's Mr. Wagner." You say.

"Oh. Well hi." She waves at him.

"Hello." Kurt says.

"Why are you on the ceiling?"

"Just- hanging around." Kurt says.

"You two are weird." Margot says.

"Weren't you going somewhere Margot?" You roll your eyes.

"Just to get lunch." She shrugs.

"You go do that then."

"Okay, fine." She continues down the hall.

"Kurt, come down with me. You live here now, you have no reason to hide. Especially not the acne covered gremlins roaming the halls."

"Should you be speaking of students like that?" Kurt asks, eyebrows squeezing together.

"When trying to convice the new guy to stop crawling on the ceiling I think I'll give myself a pass this time." You shrug, holding a hand out to Kurt. He hesitantly takes it and you fly him off the ceiling.

"There. Isn't that better?" You smile.

"I- I feel exposed."

"This is your home. Treat it as such. And don't let anyone convince you otherwise." You offer.

"Thank you." He smiles, it's shy and small, barely showing his sharp teeth.

"Don't mention it. See ya around." You say walking away from him. You're barely down the hall when an arm reaches out and pulls you into one of the offices.

"What was that?" Logan crosses his arms.

"What was what?" You frown.

"You and Mr. Circus. You would barely speak to me when you first got here why are you already best friends with the new guy?"

"You're exaggerating. All I did was try to get him off the ceiling." You roll your eyes.

"Really? 'This is your home, don't let anyone convince you otherwise'?" Logan repeats your words to you.

"An objective fact and a piece of advice nosy." You scoff.

"It is probably the first nice thing you've done for someone that wasn't a student here. You know I have to investigate."

"You don't. You're just annoying. Don't you have another soul searching mission or something you can go on?"

"Trying to get rid of me dear? And here I thought we were friends." He shakes his head.

"I'm so sorry you had that impression. I'll try not to confuse you in the future."

"Harsh."

I'm gonna go now." You tell him and walk away.

You and Logan have an interesting relationship. You speak to him more than you do the others, but it's usually some form of bickering back and forth. Not in any sort of serious way, the others joke that you two are frenemies. You're still not sure why Logan is always extending an olive branch considering he's not even one of the chatty ones here but you recogonize the effort, and while you'll never tell him this you appreciate that he makes it clear you've got him in your corner.

~

You hear a knock on your office door and don't even turn your head away from your laptop as you address whoever is on the other side.

"Come in!" You call.

"It's Charles." He tells you before opening the door.

"What's up?" You ask.

"I wanted to talk to you about our new X-man."

"Kurt?" You frown.

"Mr. Wagner seems to have- taken a liking to you." Charles says with a nod.

"We've had like 2 conversations." You scoff.

"Even so. He seems most open to you."

"What's your point?"

"I'm sending you on a mission, and you'll be taking him with you."

"Get fucked. I'm not babysitting the new guy." You scoff.

"Don't be ridiculous he's an adult he doesn't need a babysitter." Charles shakes his head.

"So why are you sending us on this mission together like a pair of siblings being forced to include each other in our plans?" You ask.

"Do you see Kurt like a sibling?"

"That's not the point but no. This just feels like when my friends parents would insist they bring along their little brothers or sisters when we had plans."

"It's Kurt's first mission. I'd like him to go with someone he's comfortable with. To make it easier for him."

"You didn't do that for my first mission." You scoff.

"Yes I did. I sent Logan on that mission with you."

"I was not comfortable with Logan!"

"You weren't comfortable with anyone. Logan just seemed to have an afinity for you, I saw potential for a friendship between you both so I went off of that. You can grumble all you want but you're going. Here's your file. Kurt will receive one as well. You leave tomorrow." Charles places a file folder on your desk.

"Are we taking the jet?" You ask.

"No."

"Why not?"

"You're not going that far. Besides, Scott needs it." 

"Fine. I'll take one of his cars then." You say.

"He's not going to like that." Charles hums.

"Oh I know, that's the fun part." You shrug.

"You and Logan really are cut from the same cloth." Charles shakes his head and leaves your office.

"Don't say things like that Charles!" You call after him. He snorts and continues down the hall as you review the file he handed you. Looks like you'll be going on a mission. With the new guy. Great.

You toss your bag into the back seat, popping your gum as you slide into Scott's car. It's not like he's gonna be here to use it anyway.

"Do you get nervous before missions?" Kurt asks you as you start the car. You glance over at him for a moment and then put on your sunglasses as you pull out of the garage.

"No." You say.

"Oh." He says. After a couple of moments of silence you roll your eyes at your own inability to let it go.

"Are you nervous?" You ask him.

"A little bit. The circus is- very different from espionage."

"I'm sure you could apply those skills." You say.

"You really don't get nervous?"

"Nerves get you killed."

"That's bleak."

"That's what I was taught." You shrug.

"By the x-men?" He asks.

"Do they strike you as that type?"

"Well- no but I do not know anyone well."

"I was part of something else before this. They taught me nerves get you killed."

"And you still think that way?"

"Of course. It's never failed me." You shrug.

"That seems... grim."

"It works for me. Charles would probably have me tell you that it's perfectly normal to be nervous for your first mission and there's nothing to worry about. I'm gonna tell you that if at any point you freak during this mission stay out of the way and keep quiet." You tell him.

"It sounds like you expect me to do poorly."

"I don't expect anything but nerves get in the way. They make you freeze, I won't have you ruin this mission if you freeze."

"I won't freeze."

"Just covering my bases." You mutter. There's a long while where neither of you says anything but as you get closer to your destination you hear him quietly muttering.

"What're you doing?" You frown over at him.

"Praying." He says.

"Praying?" You almost can't believe your ears.

"Yes."

"Charles has one hell of a sense of humor." You snort.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing Kurt." You hum. From that point you try to focus on drying, but your mind keeps wandering to the strange newcomer sitting beside you. He spends most of the drive going over the mission file and mumbling things to himself. You don't think they're more prayers but who's to say really. You know you certainly weren't shy about how often you prayed before. You wouldn't put it passed Charles to assume you and Kurt would bond over the religion thing but it's a bit ridiculous if he did seeing as your relationship with faith isn't exactly- a positive one.

It takes you 2 days to get to the location Charles gave you. Mostly because you didn't want to drive 16 hours straight. You drive til sundown and once it's dark you find the nearest safehouse and spend the night there, where Kurt continues to pray incessently. He prays before bed, before eating, he even prayed before stepping foot into the safehouse.

For some reason, you're surprised every time he does it. It's like you keep forgetting he's religous because it's been so long since you've been around someone so devout in their faith. And you're not sure who Charles thought was going to get the most out of pairing the two of you up honestly, there are X-men who are much more indifferent to religion than you are who probably wouldn't be so jarred by it all.

Still, you're nothing if not professional, and no amount of personal trauma will impede your mission here.

When you arrive at the final destination you almost want to laugh. A catholic school. If this Charles' idea of a joke you might have to seriously reconsider your choice to join the X-men. At this point you're certain the egghead is putting you through some weird trials. You pop a piece of gum into your mouth and cut the engine.

"You wanna pray before we go in there?" You ask Kurt.

"What?" He blinks at you.

"You've prayed like a dozen times in the last two days." You shrug.

"Well yes but I thought you wouldn't-"

"I don't care. If it'll keep you from being nervous do it."

"Should we even be going into a place like this?" Kurt frowns.

"The school's been shut down for years." You scoff.

"It's still a house of the lord though, isn't it?"

"If His people aren't using it I don't think it counts. Besides, we shouldn't have to disturb any of it significantly anyway. We're just looking into a whatever energy Charles was picking up on." You shrug pushing open the car door. Kurt quickly mumbles the lord's prayer to himself and follows your lead, scrambling out of the car.

"You gonna chill out now Wagner?" You ask him.

"I will try." He nods.

"Good enough. Recite that lord's prayer again if it helps I guess. Just- in your head next time." You say walking towards the building. Kurt follows you inside and the two of you scan the building for anything that might have raised flags with Charles. Eventually you turn down a hall and hear a thud behind you. When you spin around and realize Kurt isn't there you whip back around the corner to find him dazed and darting through the hallway.

"Kurt!"

"Something- someone attacked me!" Kurt tells you. Ah, a mutant must've been hiding here. You feel a breeze blow by you and realize the mutant must be a speedster.

"Kurt wait don't-"

He catches the mutant before you can stop him, but you do intervene with a hand around his wrist when it seems like he's going to hit them. Pinned underneath Kurt is a mutant that looks to be about 15, huffing real hard.

"It's just a kid." You say. You grab the kid's arm and motion for Kurt to let him up. Hesitantly he does and you keep your grip tight around the youngster's forearm as he rises from the ground. "Yo kid, what're you doin creeping around this school like a ghost haunting the place,?" You ask. The kids tries to wresting away from you unsuccessfully.

"How did you even find me?"

"That's kind of what we do."

"Traitors!" He snaps.

"What?" You're sure the look of confusion on your face is severe.

"How do you sleep at night turning against your own kind? Taking mutants to the government."

"Oh hush." You roll your eyes. "We're X-men not cops. But on paper I'm a professor at a school for 'gifted youngseters'- or mutants. Like you. We track down and house young mutants, teach them how to make the most of their abilities." You tell him.

"Oh-"

"You got a bag? Photos of your dead family, childhood momentos, a sack of clothes, anything you don't wanna leave here before we take you."

"Take me where?" 

"To the school kid, congrats on your admission." You say.

"I've got a backpack."

"Good. Lead the way." You don't let go of him, in case he gets flighty on you but he without protest takes you to the classroom holding his personal items and soon you're in the car again with him silently in the back seat.

"You got a name speedster?"

"Matt."

"I'm y/n, this is Kurt." You offer.

You drive a few hours until you hit a safehouse and Kurt stays up watching Matt while you catch some sleep before hitting the road again. You decide to tough it out and do the 10 hour drive without another overnight stop. You stop for food, you stop for gas, you stop for restroom breaks if necessary but you wanna make it back to the mansion, the sooner the better.

Once there, you and Matt set out to find Charles, get the kid officially set up and whatnot. But as soon as Kurt's out of sight Matt asks a question out of nowhere.

"What's up with you and that blue guy?"

"His name is Kurt kid don't be rude." You say.

"Okay, what's up with you and Kurt?"

"What are you talking about?"

"He looks at you like nothing else has ever mattered in the world when you're near him."

"You're being ridiculous." You roll your eyes.

"You're being oblivious."

"Watch it kid." You warn him.

"Not sure if you really don't notice it or if you're deliberately ignoring it but the guy definitely likes you. How can you not tell?"

"I barely know him."

"Then why do you look at him like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you wanna put him in a box and keep him like a pet."

"We're here. Charles! I found your funny feeling." You say pushing open the door to his office.

"Hello y/n."

"This is Max. We need to talk about the missions you're sending me on."

"You were successful. And in a shorter timeframe than expected. I see no reason to make changes." Charles says.

"I'm not gonna argue with you in front of the kid. We'll discuss it later." You say and leave the office. You head to the kitchen to make yourself a something to drink and a snack. It's been an exhausting few days.

You open the fridge, looking for something to snack on.

"You don't like me, do you?" Kurt's voice takes you by surprise, you swear the kitchen was empty when you came in here.

"Fucking- where the hell did you come from?"

"Just- around."

"Oh great what an enlightening answer. What are you even talking about?"

"You don't like me." Kurt says. It's not a question.

"How'd you come to that conclusion?" You sigh.

"You were grumpy during that whole mission."

"Not because of you I was pissed at Charles."

"Because he made you work with me?"

"Yes! Is that what you wanna hear? I was mad Charles paired me with someone I can't stand. Does that not sound insane to you Kurt? Obviously that's not it. The whole mission made me uncomfortable and I felt like it was... targeted. Like Charles was picking on me or something."

"Why?" Kurt tilt's his head curiously.

"You're very religous and my relationship with that religion is pretty rough. On top of the fucking catholic school it was- a lot."

"Ah so- you don't believe in God?"

"I don't believe in Christianity." You say.

"But you believe in God?"

"I believe in many gods."

"How can you...?"

"I believe all of them exist, because religion is based in belief- faith is the belief of something without proof of existence, by definition if believing in something makes it true then all the pantheons exist- but each person is only influenced by the pantheon they believe in."

"What an insightful line of thinking." He hums. "So you don't hate me?"

"No. I have complicated feelings around religion not you."

"What are your feelings around me?"

"You're new. I don't know you well but you seem very sweet, and there's obviously a reason everyone else wanted you to stick around in the first place so that's good enough for me." You shrug.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Well- do you want me to stick around?" He asks.

You let out a sigh.

"I want you to do what makes you happy. If staying here, being part of this, doing what we do, makes you happy then yeah, stick around. But, you have to stop caring about if people like you. Not everyone will and that has to be okay because sometimes personalities just don't mix and nothing you do or say will change that and you shouldn't spend your time trying to make yourself change for them anyway. You should want people that like you for you because if you have to change then they don't like you they like what they can turn you into and that's not worth the stress. Not everyone will like you it's not a personal failure on you. Just make sure you like you."

"I agree with you, and I don't need everyone to like me." He says.

Kurt steps closer to you.

"But I do want you to like me. And if that takes a while, I'm willing to work to make that happen." He leaves the kitchen then and you're only barely able to keep a straight face until he's gone. You're stunned by his admission but your lips slowly stretch into a smile.

"Fuck me." You chuckle.

Why on earth does he want you to like him? And what made him say that just now? And what does it mean? And how are you supposed to deal with the fact that your heart is racing right now?

Things are about to get very different for you around the mansion.

***

[sortasirius]

"Confessions" and the Beginning

Hello fellow clowns, genuinely fucking unbelievable episode amiright?

FIRST OF ALL, welcome back Bobby's hot priest, missed u bitch.

I really did miss just like regular calls last season, it's nice just to have a random silly one to start an episode.

GIRL I MISS CHRIS AS MUCH AS EDDIE DOES RELEASE HIM FROM HELENA DIAZ'S CLUTCHES!!!!

This man is going through the most insane confessions of his life. First Bobby saying he's a murderer and now Eddie saying that his son caught him with his dead mother like give this man a break lmao.

"I don't deserve forgiveness, I gotta go."

And this is the beginning of Eddie's thesis: what he deserves. More importantly, what he thinks he deserves.

Buck is literally like the most awkward man alive. He has zero game I love him sm.

Bitch. ABBY???? FUCKING ABBY?????? SHE IS BUCK'S SHANNON, CONSTANTLY HAUNTING THE NARRATIVE.

"I wonder how many men she turned gay" Maddie is Abby's number 1 hater (besides Eddie lmao)

"Unless there's another boy" JOSH PLEASE!!!!!

The Glee reference Tim Minear you will pay for your crimes lmao

It's interesting that he didn't even seem to consider taking the next step with Tommy until Josh brought it up. Also really interesting how he ends up framing their conversation later, like it's more of an "honoring Tommy" thing than a "I really want to move in with you" thing. Now this could just be awkward scripting or awkward (no game) Buck, but I think it's worth mentioning.

I just love Chim and Maddie so much they are my true north always.

Eddie's tank top? Yeah make that an everyday look for him good lord.

"I'm straight" YEAH SURE JAN WHATEVER YOU FUCKING SAY.

He's punishing himself by not choosing the juice because he doesn't think he deserves it, because he doesn't think he's allowed to take it... He is the obstacle in his own joy. What is that joy? What is he standing in his own way of?

"Because the LAFD doesn't allow beards."

"So it's a disguise?"

"Something like that."

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!! HELLO?????

"What are you afraid of seeing when you look in the mirror?"

"A failure. Someone that doesn't deserve forgiveness. Or joy."

I'm literally beating my fists on the ground. It's textbook. Fucking textbook. He's hiding from himself, hiding himself from himself, hiding from his joy.

Nothing like 911 to give you the most insane gutwrenching side plot of all time when I tell you I was SOBBING over those two brothers. (To be fair it's been an extremely hard week).

"I'm the himbo" HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!!

Look let me just get this out of the way: I really loved bucktommy. I liked their dynamic and I liked what he was able to teach Buck about himself, but I think Tommy is ultimately right: he can see the writing on the wall, just in the same way he said "my attention?" in 7x04. He was Buck's first queer relationship, but he will not be his last. And I think Tommy has an idea who his last will be, even if he kept that part to himself.

I do think it was kind of an insane speedrun at the end there, I'm not sure why he couldn't just ask Buck to pump the brakes instead of fully breaking up with him.

It's also just a complete manifestation of Buck's greatest fear: abandonment. Abandoned by his parents, abandoned (through no fault of her own) by Maddie, abandoned by Abby, by Taylor, and now by Tommy. It sucks for him, and I hate it for him and for Tommy, who also doesn't seem to think he can have good things, and would rather beat Buck to the punch than actually take the risk and be vulnerable.

I think that this was a good learning experience for them both, and I think they'll both be better for it in the long run.

"I'll see you around, Buck" killed my ass.

MADNEY BABY MADNEY BABY MADNEY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And lastly, Eddie shaving off the mustache, his barrier from joy, and dancing around his house in his underwear. Finding the joy in being himself, finding the joy in his life again. And Buck knocking on the door, not asking any questions, and them sitting together on the couch, shoulder to shoulder each of their respective "barriers" gone.

They have some things to figure out, but we are so close that I can taste it, I can feel it.

I haven't felt this way since the last season of SPN, and while that didn't turn out the way I wanted (due to network and Robert Singer's meddling), I am confident that that is not where we're heading here. Tim Minear is back. The show is on the Shonda network. Buck is out and Eddie is on his way there. Gay Eddie. Buddie endgame. It's happening, and nothing will get me out of this clown car.

[theside-b]

We really are living the Era of hustling gays on the BL-sphere. But who would’ve thought that Hwang Da Seul would be the one bringing duplicitous characters to KBLs?

The first half of the show plays all the expected beats from the director-writer: somber mood, grounded and realistic approach, intimate shots and this cold and harsh atmosphere, but I must say that when it comes to the craft this might be her best yet. Da Seul has technically never been better, the framing, angles, close-up shots, lighting, volume, you can tell she is doing the absolute most with very little she is given. The contrast between this and Where Your Eyes Lingers is striking, it’s amazing seeing how much she evolved since then.

Story wise, this is also a different one. Because while the first part could easily be taken as To My Star 2 depressed cousin the second half devolves into something entirely new and unique.

The moment Dohoe and Juyeong meet again something feels off, and not just because Dohoe vanished for twelve years. Yes, there is baggage between them, one dragging the past around and the other wanting nothing to do with it, but there is something more lurking around. Hints of what could be happening are slowly dropped along the way, other turns come without warning, the story being told here is still a novelty for KBLs.

Korean dramas as whole tend to depict perfect characters whose biggest flaws can be overcome or erased with the power of love. It’s not the case here. If anything, it’s the power of love that detonates the boys’ relationship and shows a different side of Dohoe that most didn’t see it coming when the series started. Juyeong was predictable for most of the run — the revelation that he knew everything about the scam was a nice curveball — and while we all expected Dohoe to change, seeing him take a dark turn was a (delicious) surprise.

He doesn’t make excuses, he has an evil side: Scamming his way to place where nobody bothers to look into his past, the series shows the many moments where he could’ve easily taken a different path, the openings to come clean with Juyeong, dragging Hyeon Ho with him and not letting go while knowing that he is just stringing him along. He could’ve cleared the mess he created, but as we know, he is committed to what he sets his mind to, it all boils down to him running from the past. None of that would’ve worked on the hands of a lesser actor; Nu Rim (in his first protagonist) and Seon (in his acting debut) are together another Da Seul staple: Couple oozing chemistry.

Whenever they meet in the first half the mood lifts, when they see each other in the second part the pressure rises and when Hyeon Ho is with them the tension skyrockets. Again, Da Seul has never been better behind the camera, she gets everything from them, every single emotion. But the show is not without it’s faults. My biggest gripe is with the time-jump, the twelve years gap felt like made mostly for shock value, could’ve been easily trimmed down, because such long spam of time required quite the suspension of disbelief in order for me to buy certain aspects and plot points. The show also tries to handle one particular storyline that doesn’t quite land for me.

Juyeong and Dahoe’s father relationship is very interesting. Abuser and victim find common ground and something changes, but we don’t see how that happens or how it come to happen, not fully. We get an idea, but that’s about it. Many saw it as some sort of redemption for the father. Personally, I didn’t read like that, there was no redemption for him, he was like that, violent, uncompassionate, desensitized and egoistical to the bitter end, the one element that left me curious was if he was really okay with having Juyeong as his son-in-law, they allude to this, the old bastard implies as much, but it’s left implicit, and then he dies. Oh well.

There is also the plot with the kid and the abusive parents. It was interesting having Dohoe dealing with that, but there is just so much happening that this particular storyline felt like an afterthought, so much so that it took me a bit by surprise when it resurfaced in the final moments.

That said, this one goes down the books as another solid entry in Da Seul’s filmography. That woman is always ready to put viewers through the wringer, and they will be happy to let her do so.

[honeyplus]

Hi hello, Damian pulling a Talia-esque move with his own child is INSANE/pos. But with that devastating concept I wonder: would the child be like Damian and be able to pick out Jon in a building with hundreds of people in it- or be like Jon in the sense that he had no idea that he wasn't fully human for so long,let alone who his other bio parent is? Damian raising his kid knowing that Jon's involvement would be like his own relationship with his father, impossibly distant no matter the proximity. Damian raising his child angry at the thought of Jon treating their child like Clark did Kon,even if he's more like Lois than anyone.

Like.. Damian canonically KNOWS he's loved but he doesn't really FEEL loved by Bruce most of the time. Would he refuse the same fate extended to his child,his flesh and blood due to that gut-wrenching feeling alone? Or would he do it seeing Jon chase his father's shadow years into adulthood,knowing he would never be his father's equal but his little lanky farm boy forever and ever... Not wanting either dynamic for his beloved baby,even if it will hurt everyone around him at the betrayal.

Omg Clark and Lois not knowing they're grandparents. Clark not knowing the person he distrusts most in his son's life is his grandchild's-Jon's kid- father. Lois missing the opportunity to see another child of hers grow up,to be the grandparent her parents never were... The absolute meltdown Jon will have because Damian,his tether,his other half- didn't think HE would be a good dad for their kid even as they float after a running dog and Damian struggling to coach them through the method of flying .. My mind is plagued now thanks/pos HORRIFIC ENDING THOUGHT: would the kid look more like Damian like he looks like Talia,so much so that Jon wouldn't recognize himself in them like Bruce did? God I'm throwing up😭😭

My HC is like in Invincible, even the tiniest bit of kryptonian DNA can make a very powerful person. So the kid definitely has powers from the start but Damian hopes the kid doesn’t.

But besides that I honestly think Damian would make a great father. My idea is that the child looks EXACTLY like him so it’s hard for anyone who doesn’t know to guess that it’s also Jon’s.

Damian considers the baby his, it’s got his DNA, it’s his kid and no one is taking them away. I’m not into the whole Damian ending up as Batman and I think if he had a child that child would take priority over EVERYTHING else, including hero business.

Jon is flighty and also Superman. Damian is worried he wouldn’t be there enough, that (like you said) the child would have a torn relationship with him. And what if they did break up? He’d have to give up his kid certain days of the week? What if Clark didn’t consider him a good enough parent and suddenly Damian is having to prove himself. So in his head him not telling Jon is justified.

And to his credit, he’s an excellent parent but it does make him guilty. It’s awful watching Jon go around oblivious to everything. And if you consider how Damian would have to lie it could wreck any romantic relationship because it could involve a third party (a woman Damian hooked up perhaps)

And yeah, Jon would totally freak the hell out because by time he knows the kid is old enough for it to matter. And suddenly the entire thing Damian was trying to avoided happens, his kid and their father have a giant space between them and it’s all his fault.