#what happened to the messenger of love mission lol

[une-erreur-inconnur]

Piu Piu looked at me right between my eyes and said "I don't give a fuck" 😔

[swifty-fox]

Do you have any Clegan fic WIPS or idea/hcs you haven't shared yet? Getting #Clegan withdrawal :'(

lemme rustle through my bag of goodies

I've got my Sci Fi Au:

Entry Log 2043

-DateStamp: 14th July 5399

-Location: DeepSpace Sector G8677-65HG-76789_I

-Personnel File: Maj. J.C. Egan (Zoot Suit) 

Recording_

“This is Major John Egan, callsign ZootSuit, aboard the vessel M’lle ZigZag. Today is the dawn of my final day of exploration, putting an end to a sixteen-month foray into DeepSpace. Initial findings reveal little of note. A few developing stars and planets; an asteroid belt; and a total of six planets, two of which I will be recommending for a second more thorough exploration of due to planets possibly location being within the ‘Goldilocks Zone.’ I look forward to whiskey, solid food and to breathe air that isn’t recycled from a fucking can. I can’t wait to fuck my husband-”

John pauses.

“Ah, computer erase the last seven words. Reasoning: Irrelevant to mission. I will be entering Hyperspace within the hour, once I hit proper trajectory to slingshot around the primary sun.”

He taps the record button to end the log, carefully labeling the file and placing it in a folder with the few thousand other logs he’d recorded over the last year and a half. A verified library of data, observations and the occasional love-letter. A year and a half of research; one of the longest expeditions ever undertaken by any pilot. Considered bold by some and risky by far more. Deep space played with people's minds, the long stretches of isolation broken up only by Hypersleep creating the perfect recipe for a light case of mental instability.John had trained for this, ran through thousands of psychological tests and millions of scenarios. There was not a person in the universe more capable of this task. 

John rubs his jaw, feeling the scratchy beard and spins out of his pilot's chair, leaving the computer to guide the craft. 

Two Fingers down(Bikeriders AU)

“I don’t like liars.”

“I’m an honest liar,” John whispers against his lips

“You cheated.” Gale accuses.

“Cheating implies I was playing to win. Throwing the game to lose on purpose is different.” his hands fumble at Gale’s belt buckle, the metallic sound of it undoing loud in the alleyway. Gale sucks in a ragged breath.

“That’s not-” Gale groans as John gets his free hand around his dripping cock, “-even remotely what it implies. I don’t fuck cheaters.”

“You’re gonna let this cheater fuck you.”

“Is that so?” Gale's hips buck into the tight clench of John’s fist, his pubic hair darker than the rest, almost a sandy brown color.

“Yeah, if you call that cheating then I’m disqualified. Winner-” John bends over to spit onto the glistening head of Gale's dick, rubbing the saliva down his shaft, “-Takes all.” 

I've got my Pirate John AU which is just concepts at this point LOL

Little Beasts is still happening! Here's a snippet from part 4:

“You’re really hitting me in the ‘yes daddy harder’ places with that face you’re pulling right now,” John says, swirling his finger through the over-complicated mess of a coffee in front of him.

It tasted awful, but he ordered it just to see if the kid behind the counter could actually pull it off.

Chick continued to keep his ‘yes daddy harder’ expression, which was in fact a look of profound exasperation and disappointment. And didn’t really awaken anything in John, but he found it plenty amusing to see the way the older mans eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

“I could have you thrown in jail today if i wanted, you know,” Chick Harding takes a sip of his own soy latte, “I could make up a reason, I hold your life in my hands.” 

“That’s a misuse of power and a miscarriage of justice, and also you like me. I’m your favorite little POW just admit it.” 

“Someone’s going to pop you one in the mouth, mocking veterans like that.”

John spreads his hands wide in a dont shoot the messenger sort of gesture “hey, I can claim it. My great gandpops was a POW. Got his flight jacket and everything hanging in my closet. This is my history.” 

“I think I should arrest you.”

John grins at him.

“You been meeting with Brady?” Chick asks, setting his coffe down with a pleased hum, begins folding his utensils wrapper accordion style until the cheap paper has become nothing more than a little square. It’s the same thing he does every time, restless fingers the only betrayal that the parole officer wasn’t just a robot.

Which John already knew was false. He’d looked the guy up the moment he’d had access to internet again. Had a neatly sealed Juvenile record and an exemplary military record which meant the guy was both secretly interesting and also probably a little batshit.

“Every couple weeks just like those fascist fucks tells me too. Just like i meet you every six weeks and we pretend I’m in need of babysitting and you pretend you’re not hoping that college boy will finally write his number on your coffee cup.” John leans forward on his elbows,the table creaking under his weight  “I could do it for you, if you’re too shy.” 

Chick doesn’t give him the satisfaction of blushing, but John can see the way his sholulders straighten slightly.

“He even looks like me a bit too. Curly brown hair,” John smooths his fingers across his mustache, “ the sexy landing strip. You sure you’re not displacing some sexual attraction?”

“You are the devil incarnate. That barista means nothing to me.” 

“You shouldn’t be so grumpy, meeting your favorite little felon.” 

“Only person around here that seems grumpy is you, Egan.”

“Me?” John stretches, tilting his chair back with one foot until he nearly topples backward, “Whay’ve I got to be grumpy about? I’ve got a shitty dead-end job, a dying grandma who, by the way, isn’t actually even my grandma, and i’ve got to check in with some middle aged drill sergeant with a thing for some guy who looks like Sean Cody’s next up and coming.” 

“I don’t know what that even means.”

“Oh you so do.” John smiles.

[blue-pastel-cat]

HSR X Pokemon AU

Now is the time for my main Jing Yuan! Honestly, it's tough to choose for him, mostly, I think, because he can have MANY lmao. Because of he's a long live species he rotate between many team. This is his current one.

Other than being one of the longest-serving generals of Luofu, he's also very good at raising pokemons. He believed that there's no bad pokemon, only bad trainers. He like raising "weak" pokemon and thus attracted many wild pokemon. He didn't own them, but they stayed around him.

First thing I need to get out of the way first is "Why no Thundurus?". As much as I think it fits with his "Lightning Lord", the Lighting Lord still exist! The spirit is still a gift from Lan as Aeon still exist in this AU. And because I personally don't like Thundurus lol.

Now for Jing Yuan's team.

Solgaleo - Start off with the big guy in the pic, Solgaleo. Jing Yuan is the last of the HCQ to get chosen by a Legendary. Upon his expedition to eradicate the abomination of abundance, he stumbles upon Solgaleo. The radiant pokemon and Jing Yuan challenged each other and eventually, Solgaleo accepted him. It was never Jing Yuan's intention to actually capture the Lengedary pokemon because he held on to in principle that you don't need legendary pokemon to be a good trainer but at the same time, he couldn't refuse the big guy.

Eevee - To be more accurate, this is the descendant of his first Eevee that each HCQ adopted after rescuing a clutch of Eevee eggs during their mission. There will always be one Eevee it its evolution on his team. Mostly due to sentiment but also because he misses his friends. Both his first Eevee and the HCQ. His original Eevee evolved into Jolteon. He wasn't sure what this one will turn into only time will tell! But in his long life, he has already raised all types of Eevee's evolution, he thinks it's better to let the nature choose for them.

Talonflame - She used to be one of the many fletching that house itself in Jing Yuan's hair. But this one is a little different, it also followed him into battle as well until one day, it evolved and was too big to sleep in his hair anymore. She is Jing Yuan's eyes and messenger.

Golurk - Jing Yuan didn't actually choose Golurk and vice versa. Golurk was one of Lightning Lord's servant so when he accepted his General position, Golurk came into his care as well. Golurk is dubbed the "baby sitter" of his team with how gentle and caring he is. It is very mature and caring and Jing Yuan grew to became fond of the giant pokemon. Jing Yuan did have a daycare for young and old pokemon that came to his care most are retired pokemon from war. Golurk spent most of its time in that daycare to help the young and the old.

Ampharos - One of the newer ones of Jing Yuan's team. It was left as an abandon mareep egg that he found in one of his campaign. He ended up bringing back and left it in his home's daycare. During the battle, her light is crucial for signalling and guiding the others.

Luxray - second youngest member of the team (youngest being the Eevee). Yanqing actually caught this for him and it's also a shiny Shinx so he wanted to give it to Jing Yuan! During battle, it would always be the one that charged in first to protect the others.

Because Luofu has experienced many years of peace, people rare seen Jing Yuan's team in action. They had grown used to see Solgaleo sleeping or rolling around the garden. Only when the Stellaron crisis happened did they were reminded how strong Jing Yuan is as a trainer.

There is a running joke among the people who worked for seat of divine foresight, if you see a stray Pokemon assume they are Jing Yuan’s because every Pokemon love him. Also Jing Yuan once had a Snorlax lol. Sadly, it passed away after long years of staying with him.

[sonorousabyss]

Hi! Can I get a Star Wars MxM pairing? Here's a bit about me if it helps! I'm 5'10, I have dyed blond hair but the roots are black (my natural colour lol.). I usually wear baggy clothes, graphic tees, beanies, funky sunglasses, denim jackets, and converse- I'm also super interested in streetwear. I always have a messenger bag or tote bag on me- both of which are littered with pin badges. I love writing, especially sci-fi or fantasy scripts for films. I have a massive camera collection and I love filming and taking photos of stuff! I'm an ENFP and an Aquarius. My other hobbies include: Skateboarding, analysing film and books, decorating my room and watching video essays! Thanks! :D

AN: I know I just did this man for someone else but the idea of you and Tech together just makes me warm and fuzzy inside, Anon! Hope you enjoy!

I present to you, analysis nights.

No, seriously. If you want to know how you got as close as you both did? It was these, hands down.

You'd sit together in the ship, barracks, mess hall- literally anywhere and just talk- with or without his brothers around.

Tech is a bountiful source of knowledge. If he isn't aware of something, he's a few holopad touches away from finding out. And getting to share this knowledge? With someone who is JUST as passionate as he is? He's in heaven.

Film and story plot analysis? Talking about books? The Bad Batch never allows him to do this. He's chatting with you for hours over just about anything he's come across browsing the holonet. Seeing you just as engaged as he just makes him bubbly inside.

Of course, these sessions don't just consist of him talking. He's sitting next to or across from you, nodding intently as he processes everything you're telling him for minutes to hours at a time.

If you aren't just info dumping to each other over stuff that one of you has heard about and the other hasn't? It's a seemingly endless back-and-forth exchange of ideas and opinions.

As much as you enjoy this time together... the boys know to stay away. Wrecker, Crosshair, Echo, and Hunter know it's time to give you both some privacy as soon as one of you starts piping up about one of your special interests. It's not intentionally spiteful, per se, it's just that when both of you pick up and get going? Getting a word in edgewise is difficult. Especially considering they can't always follow along.

While they're walking away after the first few discussions, they place bets on how long it'll take for you both to realize you have chemistry- if you haven't already, that is.

You can thank Crosshair and Wrecker for this. It wasn't long before everyone committed credits to the pot, though.

Tech finds your style of dress both endearing and interesting- especially when it comes to streetwear and such. There was one occasion where he just sat there analyzing your tote bag, pointing at the individual pins and asking what each of them mean. He makes sure to keep up with any new ones he discovers, and has even brought you some between missions.

I present to you Tech and yourself sitting on his bunk, watching films and video essays on your holopad.

Tech watching you skateboard so easily back at base, a look of mild distrust on his face as he eyes your board- the likes of which you happen to be offering to him with an audible offer to "teach" him how to use it.

Seeing videos of how to do it and doing it yourself are two very different things, he finds that day, as he sits on his ass with Crosshair and the rest of the batch unceremoniously laughing their asses off by the ship.

They wish they could've caught that wipeout on camera, and I'm not convinced at least one of them secretly has.

Tech helping bleach your hair in the washroom as you write scripts on your holopad or scroll through the photos you've taken on your camera, occasionally lifting it up for him to analyze when you find a picture you particularly like.

Tech helping you write by acting as an editor/beta reader for any pieces you're willing to share with him.

Tech seeming particularly shifty one week as he goes about business elsewhere, deliberately avoiding contact with you because it's a well-known fact that he's horrible at lying.

You go about your day mildly concerned at seeing him scurry away into his ship or random rooms to avoid you, only to head back to your room to crash for the night, utterly exhausted.

When you get there, you find a red and black beanie with a skull and holopad emblazoned on the rim resting on your bed with an apology note from Tech, explaining that he'd been attempting to get this as a gift and didn't want to spoil the surprise.

Turns out he wasn't upset he was just being a sappy lover.

Oh- Crosshair won that bet by the way. The others groaned as they paid up while you walked into the ship hand in hand, and Tech looked rather perturbed as they did so. Crosshair just smirked.

AN: Sorry this was a bit on the shorter side, but honestly this is one of the cutest things I've mulled over in a hot minute. Hope you enjoyed! May the force be with you, and may your day be as pleasant as the ocean's abyss is deep.

For those who are new here, I take requests. You can find my rules here.

[the-ultimate-chaos-bringer]

The masterlist of all of my stories I'm writing (or planning on writing)

🦠The Apashonia Chronicles (a fantasy novel currently in the first draft)

The united kingdom of Apashonia provences's waking up from a longtime terror of the so-called caesar who was just mysteriously murdered in his sleep. But meanwhile people are celebrating, a new, much bigger evil is arising just nearby. Who will protect the innocent? And will the provences find a common ground to resist the evil?

Or, alternatively; a young guy named Torkin travels the provences with his older brother as an illegal messenger to spread the shocking news of a cruel ruler dying. Unfortunately (or not?) for him his path crosses a stubborn, weird girl named Lassika who's about to accidently pull him into fullfiling an old and nearly forgotten prophecy.

🦠Lily (this one's a work-name, cause I still haven't figured out a better one :/) (a sci-fi novel currently in the second draft)

Lily was always living a pretty rough life. Work, eat, sleep, repeat. No friends, no family, no love, no fun. Just not to let the thoughts come to her, take her revenge and that's it. That was her job and it was easy, right? Well... just until everything fell apart.

Or, alternatively; Karl has a mission - to destroy a South Army Central to prove his girlfriend he's worthy of her love. For someone like him, this should be easy, right? Well... just until everything fell apart.

🦠Yet unnamed (but maybe something forest related? idk) (a sci-fi story)

Axel every morning rides a bike, takes a laundry off of his neighbors, gives it to his mom to wash it and then goes to school. He's got pretty lame life in his opinion. He lives in the poorest part of the city, his family has little to no money and he himself is objectively a pretty uninteresting guy. So when one day he nearly gets killed by a gigantic floater just infront of his school he takes it as the biggest adventure of his life. That's just before he gets to know the adventures are just about to begin!

Or, alternatively; the Paladis city is a biggest aglomeration on the planet earth. In the middle of the city is a gigantic forest where a few years ago happened something terrible, but no one really knows what. Veronika is one of the people who're making sure it stays this way - and Axel is a bit too nosy to her own liking.

🦠Bedtime stories spin-off (unfinished, sadly) (a fanfiction based on a bunch of tv shows for kids. technically a cross-over.)

Bedtime stories characters study in a fictive university city, going together at some parties and having a great time... until there starts happening a suspiciously big amount of a weird things. What's going on?

___________

I'd just like to clarify I'm not a native english speaking person and I'm definitely not writing in english. So if my writing here sounds a bit goofy and not so very suited for writing stories, don't worry - I would never torture someone by forcing them to read my stories in my (pretty much icoherent) english lol.

[cafeinthemoon]

The Home I Crave - Chapter 1

Title: The Home I Crave

Genre: Fanfiction

Pairing: Tobirama Senju x reader

Rating: teen and up

Word count: 1317

Chapter: 1/?

Symbols: ⭕ | ➕ | 💛 | ▶️ 

Warnings: Lots of angst, bottled up feeligs, fights and heated arguments

N. A.: Dont mind me, I’m just putting a self indulgent fic out there lol The idea for this story has been on my mind for months, but I never found an opportunity to write it vecause I was too worried about all the unfinished works I already have, but yk who cares about that? Let’s be self indulgent because we deserve it

Summary: Your clan kept some business with the Senju since the Warring Period, but now the Hokage of Konoha and head of the powerful clan, Hashirama, wants to strengthen their alliances with your family through marriage. You, the eldest daughter of your clan’s head, is the chosen woman to represent your side of the treaty, while the other part will be performed by Tobirama, Hashirama’s younger brother and a man you’ve never met in your life.

“So why don’t you leave me alone

Say you were wrong”

(Plumb, Jekyll and Hyde)

As the eldest of five daughters in an important family, you always knew that more was expected from you in the primary aspects of life. To primary, of course, your family understood the duties of a woman of your class, which could be summarized in training to be the good wife in an arranged marriage. The same destiny waited for your sisters as well, but you were the one to open the way for them.

Your family was not only a noble one, but the clan’s head’s family. Being a clan of warriors who fought side by side with the most prominent of the Land of Fire during the Warring Period, all of you were raised as capable kunoichi taught since childhood to value the shinobi ways. Joining forces with another powerful clan through marriage was then the natural goal imposed to you.

You weren’t the greatest enthusiast of it, but neither you were its main antagonist. You thought you could do it as your mother did and just move on with your life. Would there be room for love in your life after you get married? No one knew, but it could be good. Maybe if you got some time to know the man chosen to be your husband, to talk to him a few times during the engagement period, the seeds of such sentiment could have been planted. When you compared your clan’s standards to others you were allied with, you could say yours were liberal as no other and your father was a reasonable man, so that you were counting on his wisdom in that sense: he would introduce the candidate to you first, you would discuss his strong and weak traits and come to an intelligent conclusion both for you and your family.

Well, this is what you were expecting. But life doesn’t always gives us what we expect.

One day, you just came back from a training session and were cleaning yourself in your room. Your parents came to talk to you, and just by their cheerful expressions, you sensed something extraordinary – but much expected – has happened.

When you questioned them, they alternated between themselves to explain the situation.

- A messenger just came from the newly-formed Hidden Leaf Village, y/n dear – your father started – The crest on his clothing indicated that he was sent by the Senju.

- By their head himself – your mother added, uniting her hands in joy.

The Senju head? Who was he… Oh, of course, Hashirama, the same man who was chosen to rule the ninja village he created alongside the Uchiha. The news were spreading fast, and you heard of many clans deciding to join them everyday. Considering that you had some business your own clan had with the Senju, it seemed that your turn has come.

But you didn’t hear the full message yet.

- Hashirama-sama is inviting us to a meeting at the Hokage’s residence – your father continued – He wants to discuss some details about the already existing alliance between the Senju and our clan. According to the young man who brought the message, his leader is studying a way of strengthening our connections. And he wants to do this as soon as possible.

As soon as possible? Indeed, things were happening fast these days when the war is over and people were directing their efforts to different projects.

- You must have heard that he recently united the Senju and the Uzumaki by marrying the young Mito, their head’s daughter – your mother pointed out – Now, he wants to propose the same type of alliance to us!

So, it finally came. The arranged marriage. You should have seen it coming when the word alliance was mentioned. Still, you were interested now: the Senju were one of the most powerful and influential clans of that time, as old as it could be, just like the Uchiha and Hyugga, so marrying someone from them wasn’t to be taken lightly.

- You, being our first daughter, are naturally his main interest in this, y/n – your father explained – Alongside the man chosen to represent the other part...

The other part – your future husband. Who was going to be the chosen one? Maybe one of the Hokage’s closest men of trust, or a cousin or…

- His younger brother and advisor, Tobirama.

Younger brother? You crossed your arms.

- I… I didn’t know Hashirama Senju has a younger brother – and in a lower tone – I thought he lost all his siblings in war when they were kids.

Your father laughed, if at your ignorance or your morbid comment, you couldn’t tell.

- No, dear, he still has a brother who works by his side since the creation of their village. According to what I’ve heard, this young man is competent as no other: he takes care of the paperwork when his brother is too busy, mediates negotiations, presides meetings and perform all the boring part that falls on your shoulders when you have an older brother who is too invested in changing the world’s politics.

You needed a moment to process all you’ve heard. So Hashirama Senju still had a brother, and he was the backbone of his political career. And now he was intending to take a new step on the alliance you’ve already had with his clan by setting a marriage between this brother and you. You thought about it: men like this one were necessary in any system that wants to keep functional, because they were the only ones who could get used to have all eyes to their work and no time to rest. Smart, wise, they usually were; a pleasing company outside the office, well, that was debatable. But with a few of them you could to talk to.

You tried to show some amusement by the news, in respect to your parents who were so excited for bringing them to you, as well as to give this man you didn’t even know the benefit of doubt. Maybe a few practical questions about the meeting would calm down your anxiety.

- So, Hashirama is inviting us to a meeting at his office to discuss the this marriage and for us to meet his brother.

When you asked that, you sensed a hesitation in your parents’ manners that you didn’t like. What was wrong?

Your father was the first to speak.

- Well, actually we are not going to see Tobirama in this meeting, dear. He was sent to a mission in the Land of Wind and must not come back before the date set to the encounter. However, his brother and him came in agreement about the marriage with a young woman of our clan and set the conditions to the treaty, so that he knows everything that is going to happen while he’s away.

You definitely didn’t like this arrangement. You would be there to discuss something that would change your whole life and the other main part wouldn't even come to look at your face? Something like this just couldn’t have much chances to end up well, no matter how good were preparations that the Senju man could have done. You wanted to tell this to your parents, but something held your tongue: they probably have thought of this while talking to the messenger and even dedicated a line to these worries in their written response to the Hokage; besides, you wanted to see how things would unfold. You’ve learned, in your life as a shinobi, that one gains much more when they show patience rather than precipitation, so you would wait until the day of the meeting to see the rest. Of course everything would be fixed during it, and all your doubts and insecurities about this arrangement would be clarified.

Of course they would be.

[hunn-y]

She-ra and Toh

I’ve never realized until now just how similar Belos and Hordak are

Both are the emperors of and army who wants to take over the control of the magic there

In Belos case is making every witch join a coven and capture wild witches who practice wild magic

In Hordak’s case is chasing down the princesses (who have natural magic) and take over the kingdoms

In both cases they think the only correct path is the one they are making and calling the other a ‘dangerous’ one (wild magic is bad, princesses are dangerous).

But not only that, also the fact that they both have some kind of problem with their body

Belos is cursed and transforms in some kind of goop monster, he needs palismen magic to sustain himself

Hordak is a clone of Horde Prime that doesn’t function correctly due to a body defect and constantly needed to fix himself

Also both of them are part of something bigger, Belos is presumably the Titan’s “messenger” and Hordak is/was Horde Prime’s principal general, the difference lies that Belos has more autonomy in what he does and Hordak was “commanded” to rule over Etheria.

OR… If we saw it other way we could sort of say that Hunter is more like Hordak, both are (if the Grimwalker/Clone theory is true) clones made by someone really powerful (and probably with a bigger purpose to fulfill). Just like Hordak had his army, Hunter has a coven to lead. Also they’re are the right hand man of their respective emperor.

Hordak was “replaced” (basically thrown in a suicidal mission on his own to sort of get rid of him) and Hunter constantly fears to be replaced. They always obey and their principal purpose is to accomplish task and follow orders, but once Hordak experiences love and other emotions on his own, he gains some kind of autonomy and desire to make things for him and on his own, which lead to him start questioning Prime/not telling him abt his plans and even “betraying” him in some way (just like we see Hunter is doing now, studding wild magic and having a palisman are the best examples)

So by this logic Belos would be like Horde prime, which in a way makes sense (also both of them have long “hair” :0) (but I still believe Belos is a bit more similar to Hordak in more ways than with Prime)

With that we could also say that maybe Hunter is like She-ra in a way, in the beginning I thought of it like a joke “Oh! they’re both angsty white blondes with under cuts lol” and also both of them are the top ones in their respective places, but it’s not only that, they both have this kind of major purpose, some kind of prophecy that they were supposed to fulfill (just that in Hunter’s case, this fact was always instilled in him, on the other hand, Adora discovered it after (she escaped)), also neither of them have natural magic, they’re powerless (at least at the beginning in Adora’s case) and require assistance from a special weapon for that, independent if they’re really good at combat on their own, it’s just that in the world they live/the circumstances they are, they need that sort of power, no matter the source they get it from. So Hunter has his staff with artificial magic (and now his palisman) and Adora has her sword

But Adora didn’t think that what the prophecy was asking her (to do) was correct and decides to change (it) and create her own future using part of what she had already destined (being She-ra). So thinking that the theory of Hunter is gonna be either sacrificed, a sort of power source/enhancer for the portal, maybe some kind of vessel for Belos or the Titan, or something like that, in the Day of Unity, it could be possible that something similar happens that he decides to create his own future from there on, refusing the one that was made for him

Idk why it kinda reminds me of something Eda said to Luz, she must be her own chosen one, her own kind of witch, and Hunter, to whom always has been told he is the chosen one (hand picked by the Titan itself for the Day of Unity) (I think since Belos picked him up) living that kind of “fantasy”, finally will see what that purpose is and decide to look for his own seems really interesting to me (and I believe/hope that something like this happens)

But personality wise I think Hunter is a bit more like Catra my traumatized babies :((, they both wanted approval and been proven useful and valuable (the difference lies in the reason they do it, at least at some point), Luz (the protagonist) would be like Adora (also the protagonist lol), trying to bring him with her to the other side, also going through theories, it could happen something similar that happened in the last season if She-ra when Catra was controlled by Horde, Hunter could be controlled by Kiki/Belos and those weird thorns from the coven brand (like what happened to Raine)

I completely changed the direction from where I started lol, but I usually get carried away when writing jiji ,:))

[zehecatl]

rec post for @f-eef that got too long for its own good, and is now just. a general rec post i guess

(as of writing, today is the steam summer sale! writing this before that goes live, so no guarantee everything on here is on sale, but! most of these are older games, so it’s likely. keep them in mind~)

- Iconoclasts my absolute favourite game, ever (along with OFF, but shh), if you check out one game from this list, let it be this one. it’s a genuinely almost flawless package, with gorgeous pixel art, fun gameplay, a really good story, and a cast of characters i just. adore. it’s so so so good, and three years later, i’m still not over it

- The Binding of Isaac so there’s this genre called roguelikes, wherein the whole gimmick is that, when you die, you gotta start from the Very Beginning; and the ‘point’ is getting better and better at the game, until you win! it’s super easy to just, play a few runs (they generally don’t last that long!), and then go on with your day, so it’s a really fun game to just waste time in, if you just wanna chill with some game. and, in my personal opinion, Isaac is the best roguelike game, with so much stuff to unlock, a whole slew of items to play with, and so much content it’s kind of unreal. i definitely think the DLCs are worth picking up, but it’s mostly for more content than like. actually being necessary

- Terraria it’s minecraft, but 2D. unlike MC, it’s got a bit of guidance, which i personally prefer, with bosses to fight and such. an absolutely BLAST with other people too

- A Hat in Time a 3D platformer, ala Mario, that’s just. super charming. it’s also really fun to play. i haven’t actually played the DLC’s, since i played it way back, but i’ve heard good things about Nyakuza Metro, which does look super slick, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- Slime Rancher you are a slime rancher. you ranch slimes. it’s honestly just wholesome as hell, and just exudes happy vibes. mostly for running around and collecting slimes, ngl

- The Messenger really funky retro game, wherein you play a ninja on a mission. it’s primary draw is definitely in its gameplay, but there’s a surprising amount of story for this kind of genre? i honestly really just like this one. it’s neat

- Underhero you play as a cute minion, who kind of like. managed to kill the hero. and whoops, guess you’re doing his job now? it’s got that undertale vibe, though i’d say it’s less polished than it. HOWEVER, it’s absolutely lovely and it’s climax is REALLY good

- Hatoful Boyfriend bird dating sim. trust me. the ‘secret’ finale route is just. *chef’s kiss* fantastic

- Night in the Woods if you don’t mind having a very poignant sad time, oh my god, i could not recommend NITW more. it perfectly captures that period when you’re done with school, and suddenly your whole life is stretching before you, and you feel so so fucking lost, and overwhelmed and pained with it. it’s just. so good. a sadness worth experiencing 

- Shovel Knight another retro game! this one is, pretty much, the king of the genre, and for very good reasons. the first one (shovel of hope) doesn’t have much story, but the latter ones really add on it. they’re honestly just, really solid games! with funky knight characters!!!

- Hyper Light Drifter man, it’s just a masterpiece. everything about it is perfect. it’s been like, five years, and it’s still one of the very best indie games

- Tell Me Why it’s currently free for june! and it’s a story game! plus, if you like the genre, the devs got the ‘Life Is Strange’ serie(s) to delve into!

- Cat Quest honestly, i just really like this little game. the gameplay is SO much fun, and everything else is just. really charming :’)

- Yoku’s Island Express metroidvania, where you play as a dung-beetle post officer, and the gimmick is that it’s pinball-y! it’s really fun, and very cute and just an all around good time :)

- Owlboy you play as an owl boy! named Otus! and you can fly around, and there’s GORGEOUS pixel graphics, and a neat story, and just. the BEST cast of characters. it’s delightful

- Yuppie Psycho + Count Lucanor just gonna bundle these two together, because they’re both REALLY GOOD. YP is the newer one, and is therefore probably ‘the better one’, but i like them both a ton! they’re 2D horror, but i wouldn’t say they’re that spooky? though that might just be because they’re pixel games! you explore spooky place, and weird stuff happens around you. just a really fun time :)

- Angels of Death my FAVOURITE rpgmaker game, it’s main draw is, a 100%, the main characters and the relationship that develops between them. i just love it a whole lot, and it’s got that lil’ tinge of horror that i, personally, fucking adore. there’s actually an anime based on this, but i haven’t seen it myself!

- Celeste curve ball! it’s a 2D platformer! it’s really good, got a ton of accessibility features, and has like. the tightest gameplay- and, on top of that, surprisingly emotional story! 

- Bastion putting Bastion here, because it’s actually the only one i’ve properly played, but you could probably buy any of the Supergiant Games, and come out satisfied. Bastion is the oldest of the bunch, and is definitely a bit less polished for it, but i personally adore it; the gameplay probably hasn’t aged that well, but i think the story and presentation more than makes up for it

- The Darkside Detective funny point and click adventure, with great wit, and a pair of characters i kind of simply adore. it’s main draw is definitely its humour

- Littlewood very wholesome and chill farming game, that feels more like an RPG than something like stardew valley- i’d not recommend it over SV, but if you want more of SV, Littlewood might scratch that itch!

- Pony Island + The Hex absolutely adore both of these, though if i had to rec only one, it’d probably be Pony Island? they’ve both got that undertale-off vibe, though Pony Island definitely leans harder into it. very interesting plays, both of them

- Oxenfree another horror-ish game! primarily story-focused, but oh boy, what a story! i’m a BIG fan of this game, and the sequel was recently announced too! definitely worth a look if you like ghost shenanigans

- Creature in the Well wasn’t a 100% sure if i should rec this, but beside the finale boss, i really enjoyed my time with this! it’s this weird pinball inspired hack and slash, with some amazing vibes

- Kindergarten 1 + 2 they’re just fun little games okay. the 2nd is much more fleshed out, but the 1st one is really fun too

- the Henry Stickmin collection I JUST... LIKE THESE GAMES A LOT... i think you can find the old versions somewhere on the internet, if you wanna check them out first? idk, they’re fun!

- LIMBO + INSIDE personally, i like INSIDE more, but both of these are classics, and also they’re made by a danish team, and i like them a WHOLE LOT

- The Final Station i could not tell you why i like this game as much as i do, but oh my god. i love this game? it’s got a dying world, neat pixel graphics, big zombie apocalypse vibes, and a weird little story

- Year Walk i love Year Walk :)

- Smile For Me if you liked undertale’s lovely cast of characters, oh boy, you’d likely LOVE this game! it’s really, really, fantastic, and the epilogue (not in the actual game lol) hit me right in the feels

- Pikuniku just a fun little game! there’s not really much there, in the grand scheme of things, but it’s a wonderful little play, one of those games that just sets out to give you a good time, and absolutely success. i like it a lot :’)

- A Short Hike wonderful game, where it’s more about exploring the island than actively finishing the game. it’s real wonderful

- ULTRAKILL ANOTHER CURVEBALL! no idea if you like FPS, but oh my god. ULTRAKILL is so fucking good. just an absolute blast to play. there’s a demo to check out, and i’d definitely recommend it, because if it’s a genre you might like, you’ll love this one (OH also it’s in early access, which means it’s not finished yet! personally, i don’t mind that, especially considering this is more gameplay focused, but ya’ know!)

- My Friend Pedro it’s honestly just really fun to play, and sometimes i still think about the implied lore, and go all !!!!

- Little Misfortune another point and click! this one is pretty short, and is set within the same universe as their other game, Fran Bow, which is much bigger, but idk. i like this one. it’s dark cute

- This Strange Realm of Mine i honestly dunno how to explain this one, because it’s kind of weird and a bit odd, but i really like it, in all its weird poetic glory. it’s neat!

- Donut County you’re a terrible racoon who’s ruined the whole city with holes. it’s great and i love it

- OneShot another ‘gives me undertale vibes’, though this one was in development before UT, if i recall correctly! it’s so good, and it’s got some fantastic meta bits, and i love Niko. i love Niko so much

- Inmost gorgeous vaguely spooky game with a neat story... my favourite genre

- Sayonara Wild Hearts i’d call this more of a spectacle than anything else, but oh my god. what a spectacle it is! the OST is amazing, everything about it just hits right, and even if you suck at the gameplay (which i did), it really doesn’t matter, in my opinion? it’s just great all around!

[makingspiritualityreal]

Hi! I'm very very new to vedic astrology, but I was drawn to it by the interpretations of the nakshatras. In western astrology I'm a Cancer sun/moon and Libra rising and in vedic a Gemini sun/moon and Virgo rising. For years I didn't dig deep into vedic because at a glimpse I thought this logical mercurial energy couldn't explain my irrational emotional nature, and I was still missing that edge even in western astrology. After reading about my Ardra sun/moon (in the 10th house) and Chitra rising it all made sense lol. I am now much more comfortable with being assertive and I don't lash out as much as I used to. I'm still on a healing journey and I wanted to ask your opinion on these nakshatras/positions because I read everything I could find on google but I'm missing an intuitive human angle without the mythology which I feel like I could recite at this point :') Thank you very much in advance and if you are busy please just ignore this! Oh and my mercury is in the 10th too in Punarvasu (Gemini).

I'm guessing you already read my post on the Punarvasu Nakshatra, since you mentioned my work. Thank you so much for giving me your time ;)

I also encourage you to read this post to understand, why every Nakshatra/zodiac sign is equally emotional, just in their own way. Being blocked from one's emotional side is a sign of low evolution or trauma that caused internal blockages. It doesn't help, that in nowadays society we are bombarded by negative messages on the subject, because there are powerful entities that benefit from people locking themselves away and not realising the immense power that lies in being in touch with themselves. Still, every lock has the right key to it, even if you have heavy Mercurial energies you are still passionate in your own way. Astrology helps you find that way.

I totally relate to your journey with Vedic, it took me years to take it seriously because of how people approach it...honestly, it was disappointing, entering a new astrology community and seeing people follow a different set of guidelines but still have the same level lacking in spiritual perception...of course it's not everybody, but sadly it's way too common. This is what happens, when society doesn't receive the proper spiritual education and keeps looking for quick fixes in everything. Sigh.

However, I promise you there is deep truth in Vedic astrology, that you find nowhere else. I can still do Western of course, having years of practice with it, but I honestly can't relate to my Western placements the way I used to, because the Vedic ones are so much more accurate. I encourage you to read on for further explanation.

The reason you had problems controlling your temper is that Chitra Lagna is Mars-ruled. I love Chitra Nakshatra, it's one of my all time favorites. The point of Chitra is provoking the other party in a humoristic, confrontational, playful style to reveal their true colors and challenge the status quo in a not-so-obvious way. These people are desperately needed nowadays, because our society is so full of s***...your life purpose is more of a divine mission than ever, I s2g. However, responses that you get from people will vary. Mars-ruled Lagna is about following the path you know is right with determination, regardless of what anyone might say or think of you. Mars needs discipline, so instead of lashing out uncontrollably in all directions, keep pushing towards a goal that you know is right for you.

It's good for a person with such a heavy Mercury energy to have Mercury in Punarvasu, because you will bounce back from every setback, every criticism that you might receive on the way. And you will receive it, because many people hate being confronted with controversy, they're close minded and they throw the ball back, because they don't want to admit what is uncomfortable for them. Just realise, that these people are simply shooting the messenger and keep being yourself. You said you were on a healing journey, that's good, keep growing!

The other reason why you might have felt the torment in your life is Ardra Nakshatra being so prominent. Ardra is very tumultuous, it's a constant "reality check" and a point, where we realise how our mind can be our prison, our jailor and our torturer. This is the moment, where we learn how we create our mental world. It's a wakeup call, that shows us the brutality of life, but also shows us the way out to the rejuvenation we experience in Punarvasu. Still, this is a testing moment, and you might experience this in life...feeling tested over and over, being confused to the point you don't know what to chose and what is real. Rahu ruled Nakshatras are hard, because the mental confusion can get intense. Being trapped inside your own head can be a problem, but Mercury in Punarvasu should help, yet again.

Also, you have a 10th house stellium, and stelliums are never easy. I have a 10th house Moon myself, so high five. Such a stellium puts a high pressure on your aspirations and daily routine. You might feel motivated, but also pushed to always have a full day, do a lot, and when that is not possible, you are frustrated. If you don't produce a certain level of energy on the daily, it can make you feel deficient. 10th house makes a person have high expectations of themselves, and these expectations, often coming from the family environment, are mostly about what one has to offer to the world, which may take its time being recognised, so initially a lot of it can feel like thankless labor. Still, it is ultimately worth it. Just make sure, that what you’re working towards is in line with your personal truth, not a projection of other people’s expectations. Remember to make time for self care (4th house) and try not to be too harsh with yourself.

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Capt. Syverson-Chapter One: Evaluation

Pairing: Captain “Sy” Syverson x OFC (Shane Benton)

Shane Benton gets a new patient, veteran “Sy” Syverson. He’s one of the most complex cases she’s had, in more ways than one. She thinks he’s already starting to like her and what’s worse...she feels the same.

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: None, really, mentions of war and trauma and some hate on the Chicago Cubs, but like…it’s not MEAN! (I’m a Missouri girl, and for the purposes of this fic, Sy is a Missouri boy, and we will bleed for our sports teams. Lol!)

A/N: Inspired by this post right here, and hopefully turning into some splendid fluffy and smutty stuff for my lovely Cavillry babes all around including the two that essentially forced me into this. Lol! (I’m thinking I’ll have at least three or four more chapters.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3.

Tags: @onlyhenrys @cavillryarchive

Let me know if you wish to be added to the list! I’m happy to do it! 

Shane was working on her morning's notes as she scarfed down her lunch. So many hand's-on patients made for a busy so called "lunch hour." Time which their boss was always reminded them was only half for their personal use, and could be taken away if census demanded. She was pretty sure it wasn't legal to make such threats, but thankfully, the secretaries usually had the therapists backs.

As she typed, she got a notification in her messenger app.

Just a head's up, your 1:30 is such a major babe I could barely look at him while I checked him in, so good luck with that.

Heather, one of her best friends in the office, had warned her, as she always did when there was a potential problem with a patient.

Oh, and his KOOS score is 27.5! Yikes! Shit, she'd seen arthritic grandparents with better scores on that test, which essentially rated your ability with the affected knee. Ideal was 100. She pulled up his chart review to see what she was getting herself into with this guy.

Tricare insurance, so, a vet. And only a year older than she was, so, recent discharge, or even active duty. She pulled up his order…shit. Traumatic tear of the anterior cruciate ligament. With damage to the medial collateral ligament as well. And a patellar dislocation. Repairs had been done, but this guy was in bad shape. He was going to be coming a while.

She replied to Heather.

Damn, that's bad. I'm looking at his order, and I'm already thinking I'm gonna want to try to keep him on my schedule if we can. And three times a week. If not with me, Jordan, if he's got openings. Can you start working on that when you have time?

Sure thing…I think you'll be glad you kept him on your caseload once you get a look at his face…and like all of him. Even on crutches, he's tall as shit!

Heather, come on. I'm a professional. I have a doctorate ffs. Lol

You also have a uterus, to the best of my knowledge, and it's about to explode. Promise.

Haha, okay. I'll be out for Prince Charming in about ten. Lemme pop a breath mint and run a brush through my hair.

Good call.

Shane did just that, but still pulled her dark hair back into her customary functional high ponytail, made sure there was no stray food on her shirt, and headed out of her treatment room for her patient.

As she walked down the hall to the waiting area to get him, she noticed a slumped and bearded figure leaning forward on a set of crutches, a KC Chiefs baseball cap slipping up off of his forehead revealing short cropped dark hair. She smiled at his repping one of her home teams, and stepped up to him, greeting him warmly, but formally.

"Mr. Syverson?"

"Ma'am." he said, as he adjusted his cap and stood immediately at attention, still relying on the crutches, but making himself as tall as possible. He really was a soldier. Despite her proximity to Fort Leonard Wood here in St. Robert, Missouri, she didn't see many military men.

"Hi, My name is Shane. I'm a physical therapist. I'm going to be working with you today."

"Oh, okay. They told me my therapists name was Shane, I figured…"

"Yeah, I get that a lot. Don't worry, I act like one of the guys. You'll hardly notice."

"I doubt that." he muttered, but she ignored it. She didn't know which would be worse. Him being a macho chauvinist who couldn't deal with a female therapist, or having a crush on her and making things weird. She'd had both. And it never ended well for her.

"Well, let's go have a chat in the treatment room."

They walked toward the room she'd just left, and when they arrived, she asked him to set on her plinth mat.

"Could you please verify your date of birth for me? Gotta make sure I got the right patient in here."

"May the 5th, 1983."

"Thanks, and the last four of your social?"

He told her, quietly, and against her will, a shiver ran up her spine at the softness the bear of a man exhibited in his voice when trying to maintain privacy. But she kept her composure.

"Excellent." she began typing her eval note, and asking him questions. He began telling the harrowing story of the mission, the mission that effectively ended his career in the military as he knew it. At lest, what he could tell her. Obviously some of it was classified, but certain details she would need to know in order to know how he it and how to treat him. She could tell he was trying to hold it together. Reliving the trauma was probably triggering to an extent. Her heart went out for the broad-chested, blue-eyed man.

"God, that's incredible. The fact that you're alive is amazing, Mr. Syverson."

"I go by Sy, ma'am. And as aware as I am of that, it's tough to feel good about it when some friends in my squad weren't so lucky." he examined the pattern on the tile floor as he rubbed the heel of his hand against the wide thigh of his injured leg. A nervous habit, she presumed. She had similar quirks.

"That must be difficult for you." she knew she was getting off-track from what she needed for her SOAP note, but after all, he was going to be on her caseload exclusively for the foreseeable future. She'd have time to flesh out the goals and basically finish the eval next visit.

"Yeah, but I know there's a lotta guys' got it worse'n me, ma'am."  

"We think that should make it better, but it never does. And if I'm calling you 'Sy,' you have to cut the ma'am business. It's Shane, even to my patients." she smiled.

"Sorry, m--sorry. Habits die hard."

"Just like John McClean." she chuckled, not expecting him to get her ridiculous movie humor. But he laughed.

"Did you just make a Die Hard reference?" he smiled, and the sunshine of it paired with the stunning blue of his eyes nearly sent her flying into the wall. Thankfully, she had something to occupy her gaze in the form of her laptop, where she tried to document on him.

"Did you just get one of my movie references? Because nobody around here appreciates that I'm a total movie nerd. I'm wasted on these people."

"Ya know, maybe you're right about feeling like I'm getting PT from a guy." he chuckled.

"I told ya!" she laughed, but tried not to let her heart sink too far.

The evaluation continued with her doing strength and range of motion measurements on his knee. "Okay, push against my hand…now resist when I push…now bring your foot back against my hand…and resist when I pull." she did this with both sides to compare relative strength. "Great job. Okay, I'm going to see how much range you have in your knee. Lay back on the table for me, please." she thought she saw a flirty glint in his eye, but again, she ignored it. She had a job to do. And it was to hold this goniometer up to his knee and see how many degrees of flexion and extension this man had in the joint while trying not to think any salacious thoughts about the thigh connected to it.

"Okay, now, listen, Sy, I know it goes against your instinct, but I'm looking for pain-free range of motion, here, so don't be a hero. Don't move it farther than you can without hurting it. And let me know if it starts to hurt when I move it."

"Yes, ma'am." he winked.

"I'll let that one slide, I guess." she giggled. She concentrated on the numbers she was getting from the big protractor, and typing them into her eval, and not the man lying before her.

"Okay, I'm gonna get the other knee now to compare for goals."

He nodded.

"Were you pretty active before this happened?" she was more or less making small talk, as she could tell by the condition of the rest of his body that he was incredibly fit.

"Yes, m--yes, I was. We had a gym on base, nothin' like what y'all have here, just some machines and a few free weights."

"No bikes or treadmills or anything?" She herself liked the elliptical, but knew it was a considered more of a girl's machine in the gym world.

"Nah, with electric being spotty where we were stationed, we sorta had to…get creative, I guess you could say, for cardio." she let it slide, apparently there was an inside joke to which she wasn't privy.

"Right, understandable. Well, here, we don't have to get that creative. I'm gonna put you on some equipment gradually, and just warm up the knee, then get to work on joint mobilization and myofascial release. But at this point in Dr. Potter's protocol, he only wants gentle stretching and weight bearing as tolerated. We can start a bit of strengthening after next week."

"So, you think I'll be back to running anytime soon?"

"We can make that a goal, Sy, because I can absolutely get you there. But you're going to have to take it slow. You've got not one, but three major injuries we have to contend with, and there is major trauma in there. But it will heal. With time and effort. And like I said, don't be a hero. The number one rule of therapy is 'if it hurts, don't do it.'"

"I'll hold you to that, m--Shane."

"You're a quick study, Sy. I think you'll be alright. Looks like Heather's put some appointments in for you already. If any of them don't work, call us, and we'll try to get them swapped. I'd like to keep you on my schedule as much as possible, but if there's a conflict in your schedule, any of our therapists will be terrific. And I'll make sure they're looking at your chart and protocol thoroughly before seeing you."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"Okay, I'm gonna print out your schedule for you, and a few exercise handouts I'd like you to work on, especially on days you don't come here. And I'll know if you don't do them, because you won't have improved…so, you better do them."

"Yes, ma'am." she half expected a salute. She rolled her eyes.

"Okay, maybe I'll give you three strikes on the ma'am thing."

"Baseball fan, too?"

"Not that three strikes is so obscure that I'd have to be to know it, but, yes! Major St. Louis Cardinals fan."

"I knew I was gonna like you from the start. Although, being brought up 'round Kansas City m'self, I'm more of a Royals fan."

"Hey, only time I don't root for KC is when they're playing my Redbirds. And even if my team loses to them, it hurts less than if they lose to, say…the Cubs." they shared a scowl of disdain for the Chicago team. "Although, I was happy for them and their fans when they won the series back in 16."

"Yeah, I guess we could afford to let them win one in a hundred years…I'm hoping their next one comes long after I'm in the ground." he chuckled.

"Can't have them getting a big head, can we?"

"Nope! Sure can't!" they both laughed at their mutual interest in dissing rival sports teams.

"Okay, I'll be right back with those handouts." she ran to the office all in one machine to grab the papers she'd printed for him, making sure they were all his and not another patient's. She put them in one of their folders and headed back to her room where he sat on the mat, waiting for her with a smile under his rather impressive beard.

"Before I let you out of here, what questions can I answer for you about what we did today?"

"Oh, uh, nothing comes to mind. You explained everything really well. Did you look at my schedule? Am I with you all the time?"

"Hmm, let's see here, looks like the next two, yes, but I'm off next week, so Heather put you with Jordan, which is what I asked her to do. You two will work great together and he's got a great instinct for injuries like this. And I'll talk to him before I leave. He's one of the best PTAs I've ever worked with, I promise."

"I guess, if you have to take a vacation. I'll see you next time though."

"I'm looking forward to it. That's when the real work will begin, Sy. And our number is on in this paperwork if you have questions, and I've put my card in here, too." they shook hands, and he grabbed the folder from her.

She saw him out of the room and into the lobby. She'd finished with him a bit early, but her next one was already waiting. She needed a break. To collect herself. To breathe.

"Jason! Hey! Go on and get on the recumbent bike, level two. Ride until I get there. We'll get a lot done today if you're already warmed up. I've got a note to finish. And then I'll be in. I should be 15 or less."

While the 19 year old with a torn meniscus hopped to her instructions, she went back to her computer to attempt to finish Sy's eval and pretend that she didn't already have a serious and intense crush on him. This was going to be a long twelve weeks…at least.

Up Next: Chapter Two-Therapeutic Procedure

[wolf08]

The Art of Seduction

A/N: Surprise! I couldn’t resist taking a break from my other work to participate in SasuSaku Month 2020. I missed fic writing so much and had a blast with this. Hope you enjoy. :) 

Prompt: Let’s play pretend (Sorry, I know I’m like 5 days late lol)

Summary: Kakashi Hatake, Sixth Hokage and the mastermind behind the infamous bell test, had just the trick for igniting the inevitable romantic spark between his beloved students: assign Sakura a seduction mission. Blank period. SasuSaku. Available on fanfiction.net and AO3. 

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fan fiction using characters from the NarutoTM world, which is trademarked by Masashi Kishimoto. The story I tell here is created for entertainment only and is not part of the official NarutoTM storyline. I do not profit financially from this story.

Tags: Humour, fluff and humour, mutual pining, attempted seduction, awkwardness

Words: 3463

***

The Art of Seduction

***

“Hey – what’s that?”

“What’s what?”

One sunny afternoon, amidst Sasuke and Sakura’s private travels, while Sakura was rinsing her tired feet and Sasuke was sharpening their weapons after weeks of climbing mountains and hiking through forests, the duo was unexpectedly interrupted.

“That! Flying straight at us!” Sakura shouted and leaping clear out of the rushing brook, over the rocky shore, and onto the surrounding grass.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and glanced in the direction of the disturbance.

“A bird,” he said simply without budging from his shady spot at the foot of a large oak tree.

Sakura rolled her eyes before breaking out into a grin. “Not just any bird – it’s the Hokage’s messenger hawk!”

This piqued Sasuke’s interest. It had been months since the pair had heard a peep from their home village, after all.

As it happened, the bird was carrying a scroll addressed to Sakura.

“What does Kakashi want?” Sasuke asked, while hopping to his feet and joining his companion by the brook. Sakura was crouched by the rocky shore, eagerly unravelling the scroll.

Sasuke watched her closely– taking in the emotion brimming behind her emerald eyes and her trembling fingers.

She misses home, Sasuke thought, his chest tightening. Though he didn’t blame her, Sasuke just hoped she didn’t miss home too much.

He didn’t express it much, but Sasuke thoroughly enjoyed his lively travelling companion’s company. And he really didn’t want her to leave.

Then, as quickly as it appeared, the hopefulness drained from Sakura’s face as she scanned the letter. She pouted and scrunched her eyebrows together (a rather adorable expression, in Sasuke’s opinion, all things considered).

“What, Sakura?” he asked and drawing closer, crouching beside her, and hoping beyond hope this wasn’t bad news.

“It’s… a mission assignment.”

There was confusion written all over her features. Sasuke didn’t blame her.

“But you’re with me. We’re already on a mission,” he mused while reaching for the scroll to have a look himself, but, to his surprise, Sakura tugged the scroll out of his reach, colour rising in her face.

Sasuke blinked. “Sakura..?”

She twisted away from him, her face buried in the scroll and her cheeks a similar hue as her pale, pink hair. “It’s assigned just to me. And it’s a… weird one,” she said quietly, like she couldn’t believe what she was reading.

“What’s the mission?” Sasuke asked, dread pooling in his stomach.

“A seduction mission.”

***

Sakura paced back and forth through the grassy clearing in bare feet, hands clasped behind her back, and feeling stressed out of her mind. Sakura had never been assigned a seduction mission before. She had most certainly fantasized about doing one, back in her early teenage days, as most young kunoichi did. Because there had been a certain thrill in using her sex appeal as a weapon against an unsuspecting opponent. It was the perfect blindside.

But these times were different.

Nowadays, Sakura would much rather spend her time exploring the land with her beloved travelling partner than seduce strangers. And, to boot, Sakura had never been particularly confident in her ability to sway someone romantically (with her ever-so-distant object of affection compounding her self-doubts).

Sasuke’s reaction to her mission had been rather hard to read. He seemed puzzled as he read the letter over a couple of times himself. “Do you do these often?” he asked with raised eyebrows, his voice catching ever so slightly.

“No, never,” she groaned and crossing her arms.

This is going to be terrible, she thought. Failing to make a move on the love of her life even once during their months travelling alone together told her as much. Although she and Sasuke had undoubtedly grown closer and were teetering on the edge of being in a relationship – between their heated looks and gentle touches – nothing outwardly romantic had actually transpired between them.

And now Sakura was expected to leave to seduce someone else?

Some wing man you are, Kakashi-sensei.

“Then why’d he assign you?” Sasuke wondered with narrowed eyes while pocketing the scroll.

Sakura shrugged. “Well, we’re only a few miles away from the village that the… target is currently in. I bet Kakashi-sensei has been tracking our whereabouts and picked me because of proximity. Plus the target isn’t staying there much longer so I’ll need to set out first thing tomorrow.”

According to the mission assignment, the target in question was an important Wind Country delegate who (rumour had it) was involved in a human trafficking scheme. Apparently he was known as being a bit of a ladies man – thus, Sakura presumed, seduction tactics were a straight-forward means of extracting information from him.

“Hm,” Sasuke said.

“But I don’t know the first thing about seducing someone!” Sakura fumed, hands on her hips as she resumed her pacing. “Kakashi-sensei screwed up. It’s gonna be a total flop.”

Sasuke was quiet for a moment. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” he said before returning to the shade of the tree and resuming his task of sharpening their weapons.

Sakura watched as he ran a hand through his black, mused hair and grabbed a kunai and ran the blade along the sharpening stone with determined, aggressive motions. His expression was impassive, with his dark eyes focused on the task and his mouth frowning in concentration.

Sakura turned away, as not to be caught ogling at her handsome companion.

But that was when she was struck with an idea. An embarrassing, yet intriguing idea.

“Hey, Sasuke-kun?” she asked, feeling her face warm in anticipation.

He glanced at her. “What?”

She returned his gaze. “How do you do it?” Sakura asked bravely. “You know, women practically faint in your presence. How do you get their attentions so easily?”

Sakura figured he was a neutral party on the matter, and she was willing to follow any advice she could get her hands on. After all, she could personally attest to the effect her travelling companion had on women, so surely he had some advice.

Sasuke redirected his stare to something on the ground. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Sakura rolled her eyes and joined him beneath the tree. “Oh sure you don’t,” she teased. She plopped down right in front of him. Despite her embarrassment, she couldn’t help but smirk because Sasuke looked about as uneasy as she felt, his face tinted pink and his eyebrow twitching as he tried to avoid looking at her. “C’mon. What’s your secret?”

He looked up and there was something almost pleading in his dark eyes. “Sakura, believe me. I have no clue what I’m doing,” he said. He held her gaze and Sakura’s heart skipped a beat for some reason. But she ignored it.

She pouted. Maybe he’s right – he’s just so effortlessly attractive that he doesn’t even have to try.

Sakura felt a dip in her confidence as she was reminded that the two of them weren’t in the same leagues.

But she needed to try anyways.

“Fine,” she huffed. “But I need your help because I don’t know what I’m doing either and I need to complete this mission. And you’re the only person I have to consult.”

Sasuke eyed her apprehensively as she resumed her pacing.

Meanwhile, Sakura’s mind wandered. What on earth was she to wear for this mission? She only had training gear with her and she certainly didn’t have any make-up on hand. With such a tight schedule, a shopping trip was out of the question. Should she just wear her undergarments – her spandex shorts and black band around her chest?

I’ll feel uncomfortable wearing something that revealing, Sakura thought, her heartrate quickening. Did she really have to change her appearance that much, or was it more about her demeanor – how she moved and how her voice sounded, or whatever?

Ugh, I’m so confused!

Sakura gritted her teeth and stopped her pacing. Abruptly, she turned to face Sasuke square on. He was sipping from a water canteen, watching her curiously. “You’re a guy,” she pointed out. “Let’s pretend you’re my target. What would seduce you?”

Sasuke swallowed a mouthful of water with a profound gulp.

He blinked at her after that, eyebrow twitching again. He opened his mouth and closed it, faltering.

Sakura realized perhaps her question was too loaded. Let’s back it up, then. “How about – what are you attracted to in a woman? Let’s start with that.”

She watched him expectedly.

Sasuke seemed particularly fascinated by a knife he was sharpening when he said, “Um. Strength.”

“Strength,” Sakura repeated, a bit flatly. Really?

“And intelligence,” Sasuke added, his head tilted down and his eyes concealed from view behind his hair.

The knife he was sharpening really couldn’t get any sharper.

Sakura folded her arms and reflected on Sasuke’s comments. I wonder if he thinks I’m strong and smart enough to be attractive? Despite her generally low self-esteem, Sakura was fairly confident that she excelled in both of those areas, especially now.

She felt the tiniest tinge of hope. If that’s what he’s into, maybe I’ve got a shot?

But that was besides the point. She had a mission to focus on.

Did other men look for strength and intelligence in women? She wasn’t sure. Either way, it would be hard to show off those qualities to her target, unless she challenged him to an arm wrestling contest or a game of cards.

Sakura suspected there were more straight-forward ways to seduce a stranger.

She sighed. “This would be so much easier if I were talking to Naruto,” she groaned while leaning against a protruding rock between the brook and the tree. Sakura had a feeling that said Hokage-in-the-making had an arsenal of strategies for seducing men – given his experience using those very strategies in the guise of his Sexy Jutsu.

Sasuke turned to her, a trace of competitiveness in his eyes, before he seemed to remember what they were talking about and turned away.

It seemed he was willing to accept defeat from his rival on this particular matter.

“Okay, how about looks? You must have thoughts about looks, at least?” Sakura tried.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “What are you asking?”

She felt her heartrate quicken again, for some reason. “I mean, what do you find seductive about a woman’s appearance?” she clarified.

I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.

As anticipated, Sasuke looked dumbfounded by her question. But he at least seemed to be thinking about it, given his thoughtful stare into the distance with his eyebrows furrowed.

It was kind of him to play along and try to help – despite his clear discomfort. Sakura felt a stab of empathy and decided to ask what she felt was an easier question.

Thinking back to their Genin days, and Ino’s insistence that Sasuke preferred certain hairstyles on girls, Sakura asked, “For instance – should I change my hair?”

There wasn’t much she could do about its length or colour – unless she got her hands on a wig, somehow. But maybe she could style it differently, by tying it up or braiding it?  

“No,” Sasuke replied curtly.

“Okay… what about make-up?”

Sasuke shook his head before getting up with the water canteen in hand. “No. You’re fine,” he said, and making his way towards the brook.

Sakura looked up, her heart fluttering slightly because maybe that meant he liked the way she looked.

Or maybe he was just trying to end the conversation.

Sasuke crouched on the rocky shore of the brook, dipping the canteen beneath its surface for a top-up.

Sakura’s eyes roamed skyward to the tuffs of clouds, her mind running astray. She didn’t mean to torment Sasuke with this awkward conversation, but she really did need all the help she could get. She imagined herself entering a darkened pub to execute her mission. She just had to pull this off, somehow, because if her enemies caught onto her, it could turn into a dangerous situation – not for her personally, for surely she could pummel her enemy if she needed to, but there could be larger international strain if she was caught spying.

Sakura closed her eyes as she imagined approaching her target at the bar. She would introduce herself, start some small talk… and then…?

“Maybe I should touch him… suggestively. But not too inappropriately, you know?” she mused.

“No, I have no clue what you mean,” Sasuke chimed in. He was now sitting on the shore with his shoes discarded and pants rolled up, his feet resting in the cool, rushing stream as he replenished their supply of drinking water.

Sakura carried on. “You know – like running my fingers along his hands, caressing his face, or something. Maybe that would work?”

Once again, Sasuke seemed very fixated on his task. “Maybe,” he said.

But Sakura wasn’t really paying attention to him. She was in her own world now, talking through a scenario she was playing out in her head.

She imagined Tsunade or Ino – two of the most sought-after woman that Sakura knew – walking into a bar and harnessing the attention of most men they passed.

What was their secret?

“I know – maybe it’s just a confidence thing,” Sakura realized. “Maybe it’s more about how I say things.”

She stood up with vigour, facing the general direction of the tree, paced forward deliberately, swaying her hips and imagining that her target was before her. She ran a hand through her hair in a way she imagined must be at least somewhat attractive, and said, “Like what if I walk right up and whisper in his ear –” (Sakura cleared her throat and tried out a low and husky tone) “- I want you. You want me. Let’s get naked. And… And…”

Sakura faltered. I can’t do it, she thought while dropping to her knees.

Then she remembered her silent audience and peered in Sasuke’s direction nervously. To her horror, he was indeed watching her, his eyes wide and his lips pursed – like he was supressing a smirk.

He thinks I’m ridiculous. Sakura put her face in her hands. “I’m sorry. This is embarrassing. I’m so bad at this.”

Sasuke shook his head and stood up, capping the water canteen.

“I’m such a lost cause,” Sakura continued. “I don’t even have a nice outfit to wear.” She fiddled with the zipper at the front of her dress absent-mindedly. “But maybe if I just remove my training clothes slowly enough, it’ll distract him from the stupid things I’m saying. Then I’ll just have to hope that –”

Sakura was interrupted by Sasuke grabbing her wrist, squeezing just hard enough to force her to release the zipper.

She turned to him, startled. “Sasuke-kun?”

He looked a little conflicted – perhaps over being amused and angry – and there was a bit of colour on his face again. Upon closer inspection, it looked like a blood vessel was about to burst in his temple. “That might work,” he said. “Don’t do it.” He gave her a pointed look and stalked back towards the tree.

“Well, what am I supposed to do then?” Sakura asked his retreating figure, feeling more confused than ever.

“You’ll do fine, Sakura,” Sasuke mumbled with a dismissive air.

Sakura folded her arms and watched him pace away, not quite sure what to make of his comment.

She sighed again and muttered, “I wish I could just kick the guy’s ass.”

***

Sakura woke abruptly to the sounds of scuffling and snapping twigs.

Wasting no time, she grabbed a kunai from her weapon pouch and sprang to her feet in one fluid motion.

Damn it, Sakura thought. She was planning to set out for the seduction mission today – and how untimely it would be to get ambushed now.

That was when she realized that Sasuke, who had fallen asleep beside her under the looming oak tree, was missing.

Sakura felt a swell of panic as her eyes darted around. And then she heard more scuffling, and this time, a male voice yelling (though muffled slightly) from somewhere through the trees ahead.

Sakura inhaled sharply and raced through the trees, knife in hand, towards the source of the disturbance. And then, moments later, Sakura arrived on a perplexing scene.

“Sasuke-kun?” she asked and slowly lowering her knife.

Her travelling companion was standing there, wearing his usual black travelling cloak, with his back facing her. Evidently, he was just fine.

It was the man bound to the tree who didn’t look fine.

Sasuke turned towards her. He seemed a little surprised by her presence. “Good morning,” he said evenly.

“Good… what the heck is going on?!” Sakura exclaimed as she approached the pair of them, studying the bound man carefully. She didn’t recognize the guy whatsoever. But Sasuke wasn’t the type of person to capture strangers for no reason, so surely he had an explanation for this. “I’ve got a mission to complete today, so this had better be important!”

Sasuke turned to her, his expression calm. “There’s no need for you to go anywhere – this is your guy,” he said simply, and gesturing towards the bound man like he was presenting a gift.

Sakura’s jaw dropped. “So… you’re telling me that you abducted the man I was supposed to seduce?” Sakura asked and massaging her temples, the puzzle pieces coming together. She felt a tinge of relief come over her because normal interrogations were much more up her alley than seduction missions.

But something still didn’t add up. “Why?” she asked.

The man bound to the tree nodded stiffly and mumbled against his mouth restraints – apparently just as keen to find out what Sasuke was planning. He had a long, straight nose, grey streaks through his black hair, and expensive-looking pyjamas.

Yep, looks like an important delegate to me, Sakura thought.

Sasuke folded his arms, closed his eyes, and turned away slightly. “I knew you were stressed about the mission so I helped,” he explained. “I figure you can just ask him your questions here and I’ll wipe his memory with my Sharingan when you’re finished.”

He didn’t seem terribly concerned that the target could hear all of his.

Sakura frowned. Sure, it was nice of Sasuke to lend a hand, but Sakura found herself feeling angry. “So you didn’t think I was capable of doing the mission so you decided to intervene,” she snapped, rounding on him.

Sasuke turned to face her fully, eyes wide. “No, you’re capable..”

Sakura raised her eyebrows. “So you just didn’t want me to go on the mission.” Boldly, she placed a hand on his shoulder.

“No, I didn’t,” he finally admitted. And then, yet another surprise, Sasuke brought a hand to Sakura’s face, tracing her temple, cheek bone, and jaw with the tips of his fingers.

That’s a caress to the face if I ever saw one! she thought as a shiver raced down her spine. She was unable to look away. “Because you don’t want me seducing men,” she added with a smirk while she gazed at Sasuke’s face. Her heart was in her throat for being this close to him.  

Sasuke’s fingers paused around her chin. His face was very close to hers now. “Because I don’t want you seducing other men,” he corrected quietly.

Sakura stared at him, processing the implications of his words as her face grew hot, and he leaned in closer. His nose was mere inches from hers, his breath warm on her face. Sakura’s eyes fluttered closed.

It’s happening! It’s finally happening!

“Ahem.”

Sakura startled and jumped about ten feet away from Sasuke. Enraged, she whirled in the direction of the disturbance and found that their captive, still tied to the tree, had chewed through his mouth binds and was glaring at them.

“Not that this isn’t fun, but if it’s not too late to change plans, I much prefer the one where this girl seduces me.”

Sakura rolled her eyes, her face still burning, as she smoothed out her hair.

That’s when she heard a familiar chirping sound. A sideways glance confirmed the Chidori in Sasuke’s palm. But even more menacing was the glare he was directing at their target.

“Sasuke-kun – wait! Just let me interrogate him first, okay? Then we can get back to… where we left off?”

Sasuke shot her a calculating look, eyes narrowed. He swallowed. It seemed he was quite torn between doing as Sakura asked or immediately murdering the guy tied to the tree. But in the end he caved, sitting on the ground with a humph, waiting impatiently for Sakura to finish her questioning.

Sakura hoped Kakashi wouldn’t be too disappointed that she’d failed to follow the instructions for the mission.

Then again, another part of her wondered if maybe, just maybe, this was the outcome Kakashi planned for all along.

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 5  Lapin’s Big Day

Aftermath

Right before the stream for this episode started, I saw the title and I thought, “Lapin’s Big Day? After last episode, how could it get any bigger?”

…

So, anyway, as you remember, while Lapin was mic dropping over at the jail, with Theo and Cruller, the rest of the candy crew were en route to their quarters and everyone is feeling the gravity of the situation. Jet is trying to stand in the prime position to protect anyone who might need protection. Ruby (who has given one of the watersteel daggers she took--and which were apparently never confiscated from her--to Jet) is vigilantly looking for escape routes as they walk and she’s so anxious that Yak flies up and starts helping her scout. 

As Jet talks about the changes she wants to make once she’s “king” (including considering installing Ruby as queen--platonically--which Ruby feels sends too Lannister a message) the more magically inclined members of the party (Ruby and Liam) feel a swell of magic. Liam feels like the earth around them is speaking and Ruby feels a welling up of Candian magic. Not only that, she sees a ghostly glimpse of both Lazuli and Rococco (who is smiling at Jet), but she thinks she might be seeing things and doesn’t tell Jet.

Liam asks Amethar if he’s in trouble and wonders again if he should just take off. Amethar says that they’ll protect him and, if he has to run, they’ll find him. 

When they reach their quarters, they’re met by Amethar’s cheese friends who are clearly upset by the assassination attempt and offer their protection. Amethar says they can handle themselves and they should worry about Primsy. Once inside the room, the kids start full Home Alone-ing it full of booby traps and Amethar sends for Cruller, Lapin, and Theo. 

And, speaking of, they, along with Grissini and a garrison of imperial soldiers are on their way to arrest Alfredi. Grissini is clearly nervous and asks Lapin to tag-team the arrest with him so it will have the weight of the church. Cruller thinks it will look bad if there are too many Candians involved in this arrest so, when the Tartguard shows up looking for them, he decides to leave Alfredi to them. Before he goes, Lapin suggests he look into boats for a possible speedy exit in the near future. Lucky for them (presumably, though I guess we’ll see) the people most likely to have spare boats are their friends, the Dairy Islanders.

Everybody else enters the Great Food Pyramid where Alfredi is talking to Senator Ciabatta in the presence of a bunch of Ceresian military (the actual Ceresian military, not Imperials like Grissini). Grissini goes into business mode and starts the formal arrest and Alfredi isn’t pressed about it until Lapin jumps in and asserts his authority as Primogen at which point she is suddenly outraged. Lapin publicly asserts that she made the daggers (gasps from the crowd) which she denies. Ciabatta for his part steps aside and lets the arrest happen. Alfredi tries to run but Grissini’s men tackle her and perp walk her out.     

Ciabatta is being awfully chill about this whole thing and he kinda seems like he’s waiting for everyone to leave so he can talk to Lapin. Theo goes to make sure Alfredi gets properly jailed. Once they’re gone, Ciabatta says that Lapin was very bold to come in and arrest Alfredi basically on her home turf, a compliment Lapin demurs. Ciabatta suggests taking a walk and Lapin agrees. Before they leave, Ciabatta looks at some of the other senators who were also with them but on a Nat 1, gleans no info. Ciabatta says that it’s a little odd that with all the might of Ceresia, no one thinks they’re a big enough target to take down with back to back assassination attempts. He does not seem to have a high opinion of Alfredi and offers Lapin a chance to come with him on a sneak mission (along with anyone Lapin wants to bring) to figure out what’s what on Alfredi. Lapin agrees and gives him a card with Illusory Script so that whatever messenger he sends will hand it back to him as a calling card and he can verify it’s legit.

He tries to get a read on Ciabatta to see what this guy is about and on a 19 Insight and a 24 History, he knows that he clawed his way from the bottom of the social pecking order to become a senator 4 years ago. He’s a great fighter, a war hero, and he “rules”.

At the jail, Theo makes sure Alfredi is secured (she’s gagged in addition to being bound so she can’t cast spells) and then heads back to the Candian quarters.

Rewards and Recon 

Once everyone is back together, Amethar sends Lady Donetta to entertain the Swirlies so he only has the people he truly trusts in the room. They lock the door, Ruby magics up some music to mask their conversation, and then Amethar declares that, as of now, secretly but officially, they are at war with whoever is trying to kill him. The kids all offer themselves up as spies/protection but Amethar is not about them risking themselves like that. 

As they discuss that, a Tartguard shows up and announces that the winners of the unfinished tournament are being honored, meaning Theo (who unhorsed--unmeeped?--Plumbline) and Liam (who was leading the archery competition) have been summoned to the emperor to receive their boons. Liam’s is just a cabinet appointment basically but Theo’s requires thought because he gets to nominate a candidate for emperor. They consider nominating Plumbeline as a good faith gesture but Amethar thinks it will probably be bad for politics to have an unbroken line of succession. Ruby think about Annabelle but they all agree it’s a bad idea (and she’s cool enough as is). Theo suggests Caramelinda but Jet, knowing her mom and her isolationist tendencies, thinks it’s a bad idea. Theo’s name is thrown in but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea and Liam suggests his traitor dad which Cruller full, like, soda out of his nose laughs at. Cruller also suggests nominating Amethar himself as a safe option, even though he’s already a lock, because there are some legal/procedural protections he gets that way. 

Lapin tells everyone about the meeting with Ciabatta and Ruby and Jet volunteer to go with him (when Ciabatta sends for him) and Amethar goes with Theo/Liam to the emperor while Cruller holds down the fort. Liam casts Pass Without Trace on everyone for some extra sneaking mojo.  

The winners and Amethar make their way to see the emperor and run into Annabelle, the other champion, on the way. Plumbeline is there too and she apologizes to Theo who accepts it gracefully. Liam fully puts his foot in his mouth and asks Annabelle why she didn’t want to marry and she just goes off on him and his lack of tact, finishing with some Charm School 101 and the advice that he should, when he meets someone, give a simple compliment not related to appearance or anything personal and then bail from the conversation. Advice that he immediately uses in the next scene when he meets the emperor and says, “I really like your infrastructure,” and I cannot explain to you how good that setup/payoff was, you just have to watch it.

Annabelle says that there are two things she really wants (one for herself and one for her country) then asks that the emperor request that the Pontifex release Stilton Cordeau (the suspicious little cheese dude Primsy was flirting with) from his Bulbian vows (including celibacy)--he entered the clergy young and then his older brothers died at sea--so he can marry Primsy. The Candians gathered are flipping out internally but can’t really say anything without causing a huge scene and probably an international incident (AGAIN). Theo’s turn is next and he has a lot of angst about who he's gonna nominate to be emp--lol no I’m kidding. Murph pulls out a pre-made scroll irl, unrolls it, and rattles off all of Amethar’s titles, nominating him, obviously.

Official business taken care of, everyone but Amethar and Plumbeline leave. Once outside, Liam expresses surprise to Annabelle that Primsy has a love interest (I half expected Annabelle to accuse him of TMI again) and Annabelle says they’ve kind of been seeing each other since they were young but it was complicated what with her having other official suitors and him being promised to the church. Theo thinks this is a way for the Bulbian church to get into politics more directly by putting one of their guys in power but Annabelle thinks they’re pretty in it already. When asked by Theo, Annabelle says she doesn’t really care about Cordeau but she’s OK with him if he makes Primsy happy. When asked by Theo if she cares about Primsy (Charisma Check, disadvantage--rolls a 2) she gets really upset and basically tells him to F off and leaves.

Back in the room, Uvano tells Amethar point blank, get ready buddy. It’s you. Amethar asks if he can appoint Plumeline to his council and she seems very happy about that. Uvano tells his daughter to get the official papers to declare it but Plumbeline says the Pontifex is holding on to them for some reason. He says to get them, even if she has to disturb her.         

Speaking of, Onionpatch (the Primogen from Greenhold) shows up at the Candian Quarters to fetch Lapin on behalf of the Pontifex. That’s basically a summons from God so he has to go, even though he has that meeting with Ciabatta. He trusts Ruby and Jet to go in his stead and leaves with him. 

Ruby and Jet have a little chat about how they’re always treated like children (though it’s probably partially their fault) and Cruller is like girls, we let you in on the war council today and you’re going on a spy mission in like ten minutes. We respect you.  

A Tartguard shows up with Lapin’s note (Zac, with a successful roll, retcons that he in the moment made it so that his friends could read his secret message/watermark too) now with added info, the symbol of a bakery. They sneak over to the bakery (Ruby the rogue getting a crazy 36) and they spot Ciabatta dressed in peasant clothes (as they also are). They sneak to an abandoned but gated palazzo (big, fancy, Italian-y house) outside the Great Food Pyramid and break in. As they enter, an assassin tries to get the drop on them but Ciabatta ices him immediately and takes the guard as proof that this is Alfredi’s secret house. There’s a lot of Bulbian imagery but Ruby can tell that they’re mismatched and BS, like painting random hieroglyphs on a set piece for flavor.   

Ciabatta opens a door at the top of a set of stairs and they find themselves in an alchemical lab that’s just full of interesting stuff:

Ruby finds pure water and Jet finds mold both super deadly weapons. These are like tools for bioterrorism. They talk about how to get rid of it and Ciabatta says they’ll leave an anonymous tip to someone who can safely handle it. 

Ciabatta finds eye-droppers and, upon using them, his eyes glow like Alfredi’s do, exposing her as a fraud of a miracle worker (I wonder if she has artificer stats).  

Jet finds the schematics for making the water daggers and Ruby can tell that it’s instructions on how to make milk silk in a weird mix of Lacra and Fructerano (both languages she speaks--she must have paid SOME attention in school, or hung out with a bunch of multilingual circus peeps I guess) that would be common in the Yogurt Shoals. The recipe for milk silk is the same as how to make water steel, you just sub some ingredients. Also, Yogurt Shoals is the home of House Bleu! Home of Stilton--the heir--who is now, suddenly, able to marry. Emily feels very vindicated with her pasta/cheese connection from earlier.

Ciabatta finds a bunch of papers and starts burning them or taking them with him. He says that Alfredi was an expert on blackmail collecting (s/t very common in Ceresia) and the room is full of blackmail. He takes the Ceresian blackmail and implies that he’s gonna use it to clean house back home so Cersia can be honest again. 

Jet looks for Candian blackmail and finds none, though she finds notes from the Pontifex about the Profidian Heresy and the Ramsian Doctrine--two terms she doesn’t recognize. 

Anyway, they sneak back out, Ciabatta stone cold carves up the assassin's body for the birds (which begs the question of what the birds are made of but we still have a lot to get through so let’s just keep moving right along) and they part ways. 

Lapin’s Big Day (Part 2)

Lapin is brought to the Pontifex who is, in a word, livid. She asks Lapin where the power of the church comes from and his answer of, “The Bulb and those it shines on,” does not make her any happier. She full SLAPS him and starts ripping him apart for publicly arresting Alfredi--making fools of them and weakening their position with the public--instead of letting the church handle it privately. Lapin says, since Alfredi and Kerradin are in the church, he doesn’t have a lot of faith that the church, as it stands, can handle their own business which was NOT the right thing to say.

The Pontifex gives him an ultimatum: Are you a Candian or a Bulbian official first? Lapin, doing as he’s always done, lies and swears to the church. The Pontifex says that this situation can still be salvaged. Alfredi will be tried privately and hanged publicly (gonna be a real fig leaf of a trial it seems) and then there’s the matter of Candia which is not in good standing with the church. There’s still that little matter of the magic on the Sucrosi Road. Lapin is quick to defend Ruby but it isn’t Ruby she’s targeting. It’s the much easier scapegoat: Liam, the traitor’s son who publicly did magic earlier the same day. She tells Lapin that he will arrest Liam immediately who will be put on trial for witchcraft, a crime with the penalty of death. Obviously torn (to us anyway) Lapin agrees to do it with an, “As you see fit.” He walks out with a group of knights to get the job done.

Back at base, Ruby and Jet fill in everyone on what happened and ask about the two religious terms they saw in the letter from the Pontifex. Nobody knows but there would be records of this stuff in a cathedral somewhere--it’s a big city. Based on what Amethar knows about Pangranos (which he says swings between an ineffective democracy and a destructive imperitorship) it seems like he’s going to try and install himself as imperator--Cersian senators are notoriously corrupt we learned in an earlier episode. They discuss whether the church is trying to get Stilton on the throne for the aforementioned reasons which leads to the news that Amethar was named emperor coming up and everyone is really happy for him.

And then there’s a knock at the door. 

They open up and it’s Lapin with a whole mess of soldiers. The head soldier cedes to Lapin and lets him formally charge Liam of witchcraft on behalf of the church. Amethar (and Jet) are like absolutely not and stand in front of Liam to protect him. Theo Messages Lapin like, “Bro, what is happening? Please tell me this is some kind of plan,” and, Lapin, who knows that he can at least assure Liam a real trial with actual due process and that he won’t get disappeared in the night, thinks this is the lesser of all evils. So instead of fighting, Theo asks if she can give up his weapons and stay with Liam in jail overnight. The request is granted. Liam, in a delayed reaction, flips out (valid) and the princesses promise that they’re gonna be A+ witnesses for him. He asks if he can bring Preston to jail and I thought they would have a problem with that seeing as familiars are a thing but nope. The pig is all good.

Before he’s marched out, Amethar brings Liam close. Liam, so deer in headlights, whispers, “Don’t let them kill me.” Amethar responds that he would die before he let them kill him.    

Liam (with Theo keeping watch) spends the night in a jail cell and wakes up to the sound of bells. The emperor is dead. And, guess what? The papers were never signed. 

The Rocks family goes to the Emperor's chambers where Plumbeline is crying. Amethar comforts her. Jet says that she only took a short rest so she could look up those two religious terms from the letter. She found a book with the info but if she reads it now, she’ll miss Liam’s trial so she takes it with her. Amethar offers Plumbeline an out from going to the church but she wipes her tears and insists on going.     

Liam is brought out. The Pontifex speaks and says the trial is being slightly postponed to deal with the emperor's death. She days the paperwork wasn’t finished but a successor was reportedly named. Amethar kinda prompts Plumbeline who stands and says that she was there when the Emperor named as his successor...Ciabatta. 

Ruby instantly calls her a liar and Amethar stands up and makes his claim (not happy to have to speak against Plumbeline but also not happy with whatever BS she’s pulling). Ciabatta, btw, is not present for this. 

With two competing claims, the Pontifex brings out the Book of Leaves--a Bublian artifact formerly belonging to Amethar’s sister, St. Citrina--which basically has Lasso of Truth powers. Lapin does a check to make sure it’s the real book and not tampered with in any way and on a Nat 20, knows that it’s the real deal *and* that he can glean info about the true nature of the Bulb from it with some more time. While this is going down, Jet is reading and she learns that the Profidian Heresy is an old belief of the church that the Hungry One is as powerful as the Bulb and they eventually decided that couldn’t be true and it was discarded as an official belief. 

Back to the action. The Pontifex asks Plumbeline if her dad really named Ciabatta emperor and she is compelled to tell the truth. No, he didn’t. Amethar comes in for his easy lay-up but, as he walks up, in a little side room, he sees that Manta Ray Jack is chained up and he’s had the crap beat out of him. And the Pontifex has a different question for him: Who is your lawful wedded wife?   

Amethar hems and haws but eventually is forced to admit that he legally married a woman from the Dairy Islands when he was younger and it was technically never annulled because of the war making things complicated.

The Pontifex, who is playing 4-D lightning chess, says that because he never actually divorced his previous wife, his marriage to Caramelinda was never valid which means that Ruby and Jet as bastards and he’s an adulterer in the eyes of the church, grounds for excommunication which she performs at once. Excommunication means no ability to hold land or title which means the crown of Candia moves to the next in line which happens to be Joren Jawbreaker (Liam’s dad--Ruby and Jet can’t inherit bc they’re bastards and Caramelinda has no claim since the marriage wasn’t official) who is in open rebellion with the rest of Calorum. Which means that all of Candia is now in open rebellion with the rest of Calorum. Which means everyone in the room can now be arrested as enemies of the state! 

You *know* everybody’s rolling for initiative, and I’m trying to not hold my breath because it’s gonna be a LONG wait until next Wednesday.       

Things I’m Concerned About

I almost feel like I should have a Things I’m Not Concerned About list this week to save time. What a roller coaster of absolutely insanity. And it’s only episode 5 people. It’s episode 5! You know that chart we all learned in school about rising action, climax, falling action? We’re still way on the bottom of the rising action part! There’s still so much buildup left but where is there left to go? This is like the end of act two of another story! What is happening!? 

Annabelle said she had one request for her and one for her country. Then she asked for something for Primsy which sounds like the country one but I’m not convinced it is. Like, it certainly could be but the phrasing of that and lack of clarification has me wary. 

I’m concerned Jet only got a short rest going into this battle. She got hurt at least some during the fight and I know she doesn’t need to regain spell slots but, like, a million NPCs are gonna be at this fight. This is not the one to come in nerfed. Like, I trust Emily to make judgement calls and Jet probably doesn’t have that much HP so a short rest might have done it but mmm, don’t love this. (Upon rewatch, she did get another short rest during the “who do we nominate” scene so maybe it’s fine but still...). 

I really don’t see a scenario where everyone leaves this fight alive/OK. You know that Smash Bros screen where it’s like, “Everyone’s Here!” That’s what this is like. Like, can you imagine trying to escape the White House surrounded by secret service? Gah, I really feel like I’m gonna be writing a eulogy for a piece of candy this time next week. And, for everybody else, this isn’t a fight you win. This is a fight you escape. I really hope Calroy made good on getting that boat.

Gah, there are so many potentially shady NPCs to talk about. It’s not gonna dig too deep into any of them but just a quick look on where my head’s at:

Ciabatta: Is he corrupt? And it just within his country (and thus, not really the concern of the Candians), or did he put up Plumbeline to nom him? Where was he? Was he not at the trial because it was none of his business or did he not want to be there when things went crazy. What docs did he burn? Just the blackmail on him? What has he done?

Plumbeline: Who put her up to putting up Ciabatta? What does she have to gain from doing that (or lose from not doing it)? It was enough to give up a seat on the council and contravene her father’s dying wish. Did Ciabatta have blackmail on her? Did the church make her do it to have an excuse to question Amethar (maybe when she went to get the papers signed)? What did Ruby miss on her 7 Insight check right before they went to the trial?

Annabelle: Did she really make Stilton a viable heir just for Primsy’s sake or does she have ulterior motives? And are those motives personal or fully in league with some kind of conspiracy--possibly the cheese one in particular.

Pontifex B: OK, so obviously the church is shady. We got that. But what is their angle here? Is it as simple as Candia is doing the magic they don’t like, let’s remove them? And which parts of this (or, more likely, *these*--there’s got to be multiple things in play here) is she actually puppet mastering? I’m sure some of it is just the church being shady just because it is. 

Stilton: I simply do not vibe with anything about him.

Just to put a fine point on it, if I--me irl--was attacked by people back to back, I would assume the attacks were related, but Amethar is a BIG target. It’s very likely multiple sets of people are independently gunning for him and multiple gunners always makes a mystery harder to solve.

Lord and Lady Swirlie are always around but being sidelined. Brennan keeps mentioning them and Amethar keeps stiff-arming them. I don’t know if they keep coming up because they’re secretly relevant or if Brennan is just a good DM (second is true regardless) but hmm. Related but not really a concern per se, I would like to know what Lady Donetta is like. She’s rarely around because she’s usually keeping the Swirlies busy. 

OK, so Lapin. Yikes. He was in a bad position to start with but now, I don’t even know where he stands. He’s a Candian, but just the day before he said he was a Primogen first, right? So, hypothetically, he should be able to escape this and stand with the Pontifex. After all, he’s a miracle worker for all she knows (unless she *actually* knows). You would give your official who was specifically chosen by your god the chance to do the “right thing” right? Would that be a wise choice to make? I could see him doing that so he can be their man on the inside. Lapin doesn’t die but Zac has to use his backup because Lapin is MIA. But if he sides with the Candians, he’s fully persona non grata with the church and he’s already on pretty thin ice. Also, if the worst happens as I suspect and one of the Rocks’ family falls, what position does that put him in with his patron? Yeesh, I would *not* want to be Zac next fight.

Just to also highlight this, very possible that even if we have no deaths, someone gets captured, stuck in a dungeon, and put out of commission for a long stretch of eps. I don’t think the church wants them dead necessarily. Except for Liam who they for sure want dead.

I don’t know how fast news travels in Calorum but Caramelinda is in for a SHOCK. Also, I wonder what was meant by, “What the world took from her”? (Caramelinda’s reason for not really caring about the rest of the world when they’re discussing whether she should be nom’d). Like, is it just general war stuff or something specific? Oh and, in case it wasn’t mentioned before, she’s originally from House Meringue, and that’s her house again now that her marriage is legally invalid. 

I think it was said that Gustavo was a little more lucid this time then when they talked. Then the Pontifex gets the papers and he just dies? Could just be a coincidence, but poison has been established in this story already at least twice and Liam even thought to check for poison (though he wasn’t able to) so I’m keeping an eye out. 

OK, this episode was A Lot so, this week, I’m adding a section to shout out the funniest parts of this episode and it’s called:

Sunny Side Up

Theo barking at the Tartguard, “DO A SADDER DANCE” had me DYING.

As did Murph going through the motions of the nomination conversation like he didn’t have a scroll ready to go that he’d made in advance.

When they Home Alone their room, Ally says, “I have a bunch of micromachines and they’re peppermint.”

When Brennan/Ciabatta was going through pronouns and Jet was like, “Or a spaghetti person,” and Ciabatta was like, “Tbh, that will prob be the case regardless.” Also, the very Brennan double peace signs at the end.

When they’re like, “We should make Preston King,” and Calroy is like, “Emperor,” like that’s the only wrong part of that.

Five A Lot More Things

Lol at Brennan going through the mechanics of the trial like there was ever gonna be a trial. 

Grissini, man. He’s at the fight and while I would not blame him for following orders I would love for him to be exactly who I hope he is and if not fully defect, maybe throw the Candians a sneaky Help action. I know hope only exists to be destroyed in shows like this but I want what I want, OK?

What an exquisitely DM’d episode. Giving the players an agonizing political minefield of a decision in disguise as a reward is brilliant. The jump between the spy stuff and the church stuff and then the whole lead up to the arrest? Like, I knew Liam was gonna take the fall for Ruby from last episode and that was still a gut punch. And then making it seem like Liam’s head was on the chopping block and then BOOM, nope. It’s actually everybody? The uno post by @aydaspastlives is both the funniest D20 post this week and the best description on the insanity that we saw. Most fun I’ve ever had being womped. Well done Brennan.

I realized this episode when I accidentally typed Pete instead of Liam because of the Peppermint alliteration that Pete had a peppermint tooth from like episode 2 onward of TUC. Connections! 

If you follow me for non D&D stuff know I’m very into Six the musical and I can’t hear the word excommunicated with doing it in my head like in Don’t Lose Ur Head which was jarring, as I’m sure you can imagine. 

We were all bracing for bastards but the bastards were with us all along! Very wild. I wonder if/how that reveal would have gone down if Amethar had died. And I really wonder if there is still another child. The Pontifex didn’t mention, but that could be a good pawn for later, both for her or for Brennan. Or someone’s second character, who knows? Also, I very much want to know more about this milk maid and how literal that description is. 

Edit: I can’t believe I forgot to mention this before but the delicious monkey paw-ness of Ruby and Jet continually talking about how they don’t want to be royal and then suddenly being branded bastards in front of everyone? Amazing. Also the little, “Call me that one more time,” from Ruby. So good.

I wonder if the protections Amethar got by Theo naming him do him any good in this situation.  

What does bread bleed, Brennan? Please? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me consider this? Also, why would Ciabatta just stick his hand in water like that? My guy, there are better ways to check the deadly poison other than directly handling it. 

Brennan really likes naming important religious concepts, huh? No shade, I genuinely think it’s great. 

I don’t know why I heard, “bacon steel” and I was like, “Plausible,” and then I heard “fruit iron” and I was like, “Absolutely not.”

Oh and just a quick note: Ruby and Jet double leveled last fight so I think they’re all caught up with everyone else now (but Liam might still be one level behind).

One More Thing!

This has absolutely nothing to do with Crown of Candy but I am still, as always, on my BS re: the Abernants and y’all should check out this amazing animatic by @crayfishcoffee. It is, hands down, my favorite piece of D20 fan art, absolutely period. I could literally go off for another thousand words but I’m being indulgent as is so I’ll shut up now. Go watch it! 

[saint-cichol-is-watching]

Could I ask what your most highly recommend otome games would be? (Save for Obey Me which everyone should play lol)

Honestly I could play anything even the worst otome games without batting an eye because I normally just play these to relax but here have some of my favorites in no real order:

Mystic Messenger : do I really need to present it?

The Arcana : App. GN!MC. I said it before that I lost interest in the game pretty quickly for personal reasons but I got to give credits where it's due, the game is beautiful, the stories and characters/LI's are really wonderful honestly it was a good game.

When The Night Comes (WTNC) : PC Game downloadable on Itchio I believe. GN!MC. It really gives me some The Arcana vibes, the backgrounds are great, the LI are great as well.

Wizardess Hearts : Phone App, fem!MC (who is dumb as fuck sorry i'm doing Glenn's route and I feel like I'm going to throw her into a wall) and only male LIs. While this game does not offer as much as the ones before it's still pretty sweet and the LIs are quite nice. Also for a SWD game I think the requirements for the missions are actually pretty nice and attainable so that makes a very fluid story.

Samurai Love Ballad : App. Fem!MC and only male LI's. So this game holds one of my favorite LIs which is Hideyoshi and I still haven't recovered from the way he says "no?" (Voice actor I love you). Fun game overall!

Andromeda Six : PC game on Itchio. GN!MC, five male LI's and 2 female. A fairly new game with very interesting characters and interesting stories.

Starship Romance : Lovestruck App. Fem!MC. Romance with a woman possible (and Nova is great really). My favorite route is personally Atlas whom I love to the moon and back (literally this happens in space).

Sweet Elite : Online Game. GN!MC, 5 males LIs and 5 females. A really adorable game overall, I already have three accounts but I am currently pondering opening two others to follow Ellie and Tyler's route who are both sweethearts.

Ikemen Sengoku: App. Fem!MC. Only Male LI's. I lost touch with the game but I used to love it a lot.

Dangerous Fellows : App. Fem!MC and only Male LIs. If you don't mind zombies I would definitely recommend trying it out.

I'm sure there are a lot more I played but this is already a lot so I hope it might help people searching for a new game !

[rye-views]

Shrek 2 (2004) dir. Andrew Adamson, Conrad Vernon, Kelly Asbury. 7.5/10

Aw cute. Their honeymoon was in a gingerbread house.

Music still good.

Lmaooo when Far Far Away is LA/Hollywood.

Moving furniture reminds me of Beauty and the Beast and The Sword in the Stone.

O shit. The mother is Julie Andrews and Fiona is Cameron Diaz??

Why is his name Mongo? Is it bc it’s humongo?

Lmaoo humor is still funny–gluteus to the maximus, catnip, and I see London I see France. gdi lol why is the wolf dressed like that? LOL.  I loved when Lillian softly caught Harold the Frog.

Spoiler: [About a book of a young princess being cursed to be an ogress at night. She awaits true love’s kiss from her prince charming after being put in a tower by the Fairy Godmother helping the queen and king. Prince Charming travels far and gets to the tower. He finds a wolf instead of Princess Fiona on the bed. The wolf reveals that Fiona’s on her honeymoon. Shrek and Fiona are enjoying their time at Hansel’s Honeymoon Hideaway and they scare off Little Red Riding Hood. They go to a beach and make out as a wave hits them. Fiona gets replaced by a mermaid and Fiona throws her back in the water. They get a ring from the dwarves, frolic in flower fields as townspeople attack them, fight off townspeople, and use fairies as light as they take mud baths. They get back to the swamp to find that Donkey wants to stay because Dragon is moody. They kick him out, but messengers are here to relay that Fiona and Shrek are invited to Far Far Away to receive the king and queen’s blessing on their marriage. It’s Fiona’s parents. Shrek doesn’t want to go since he wouldn’t be liked, but they agree to go. They travel long by carriage as Donkey annoys them. They finally arrive and when they exit the carriage to a large crowd, everything goes silent. Shrek and Fiona walk forward as Shrek tries to convince her to go back. Donkey goes to park their carriage. King Harold sees them and tries to get Queen Lillian to go back in the castle and pretend not to be home. She wants him to be open minded to their daughter and who she loves while he isn’t comfortable with the way they are. They all have dinner and Harold and Shrek eventually start arguing and creating a mess with the food. Fiona goes to her room upset. She cries and the Fairy Godmother arrives. She gives the furniture life and sings about how she can make Fiona’s life great for her ideal husband. Shrek comes in and is introduced and the Fairy Godmother learns of the marriage. She sees the tension as Shrek wants to leave and Fiona wants him to make up with her father. Fairy Godmother offers her card that allows her wishes to come true. She can be reached by shedding a tear. She leaves and Fiona talks to Shrek about being asked about what she wants. They fight more and Fiona exits. Harold overhears and talks with Lillian. Lillian tries to get him to understand what’s best. Harold steps away when he sees that the Fairy Godmother wants to talk to him. He enters her carriage and she brings up how her son, Prince Charming, who is also in the carriage, comes back from his journey to find the princess already married. They get some food to go and they convince Harold to get Fiona and Charming together like they originally planned. Harold heads to The Poison Apple and is referred to Puss in Boots. He’s the only one capable of the mission to kill Shrek. Harold pays for it to happen. Shrek can’t sleep in the night and rummages through Fiona’s things. He finds her childhood diary of being obsessed with a Prince Charming. He comes out to Harold knocking on the door and wanting to make up. Harold asks him to come hunting tomorrow. Shrek agrees and heads to the meetup spot in the morning with Donkey. They get lost as Fiona asks her parents about Shrek’s whereabouts. They say they don’t know and Fiona confronts her dad on being better to Shrek since she loves him. Shrek gets attacked by Puss in Boots until they manage to subdue him. They learn that he was hired by the king to kill him. Shrek wants the Fairy Godmother’s help. He gets Puss’s help to get Donkey to cry on the card. They get a message of the Fairy’s factory location. On their journey, Puss and Shrek get along as Donkey is jealous. They get to the factory and get in by pretending to be part of the Union. They get to her and request her help until she shows outright disgust towards them and mentions that ogres don’t get happily ever afters. They leave and steal worker uniforms to get to the potion room. They manage to steal the happily ever after potion, but are caught. They escape and create a mess. Fairy Godmother has her workers clean

everything up as she learns of which potion was stolen and uses it to her advantage. Shrek goes to take the potion and sees that both he and Fiona would be affected with beauty and happiness. Puss offers to test it out, but Donkey does so instead. Nothing happens. Shrek takes the rest and nothing happens. It starts raining and they crash at a barn. Shrek and Donkey pass out. Fiona tells her parents that it was a bad idea to have come. She’s going back to the swamp after she finds Shrek. As she leaves, she knocks out and her parents put her into bed. In the morning, Shrek wakes up to three women on him. They give him a pail of water and he sees that he’s a handsome man. Donkey appears as a white stallion. Puss reads on the potion bottle that this will stay permanent if he shares a kiss with Fiona before midnight. They steal some clothes from a traveler and get Shrek in them. They travel to the castle and the townspeople like seeing Shrek. Shrek gets to the castle and rushes in to Fiona’s room as he hears her scream from seeing herself as normal. She hears Shrek and rushes outside to find Donkey saying that he and Shrek are sexy now. She rushes back in to find him, but bumps into Prince Charming. Shrek is prevented from leaving the room by the Fairy Godmother. She allows Shrek to look through the window as Fiona leaves with Charming. Charming convinces Fiona that he’s Shrek. Fairy Godmother convinces Shrek to let Fiona go since she found her Prince Charming. Shrek, Puss, and Donkey drink at the Poison Apple. They overhear as Harold meets Fairy Godmother and Charming here. Harold says Fiona is not warming up to Charming and Fairy Godmother provides him a love potion. Fiona is to drink it and whoever she first kisses, she falls in love with. Harold doesn’t want to do it, but Fairy Godmother convinces him since she provided him a happily ever after. They see Shrek overhearing and go to stop him, but he escapes. It’s the Royal Ball blowout for Fiona’s marriage and everyone is here with it all being televised. Everyone at the swamp watches. They also see a police chase for Shrek, Puss, and Donkey. They recognize that help is needed. Harold puts the love potion in one of two cups of tea. He goes to serve Fiona. She talks about Shrek being different and not the man she married. He gives her a different tea than the one she chose since he says hers has no caffeine. Shrek, Donkey, and Puss are shackled in a well, but the other fairytale creatures arrive. Pinocchio rappels down and he lies about not wearing lady’s underwear, allowing his nose to grow near them. Gingy unlocks their shackles. They go to the muffin man and create Mongo, a giant gingerbread man. They get to the castle and break in. The guards are able to hurt Mongo enough to have him fall into the moat. Shrek manages to get into the castle and open the bridge for the others to get in. Fairy Godmother puts a show on for the people. Charming dances with Fiona in the public. Shrek confronts Charming as the other fairytale creatures steal Fairy Godmother’s wand. Charming kisses Fiona and she headbutts him. Harold reveals that he gave her the wrong tea. Fairy Godmother gets her wand back and shoots Shrek. Harold gets in the way and the blast reflects onto the Fairy Godmother, turning her into bubbles. Harold becomes a frog. This is who he originally was. He apologizes to his family and Lillian believes he’s better now than he was. It’s midnight and Shrek tells Fiona that this can be permanent. She chooses against it and they both go back to being ogres. They kiss and everyone parties. After the party, Puss wants to take Donkey out to see ladies and Dragon appears. She brings their donkey dragon children.]

[punkscowardschampions]

Edie & Billie

Edie: You’re not at home, are you?

Billie: Why?

Edie: ‘cos Rih has to babysit and you are the last phone a friend that needs to be eliminated 👾

Billie: 💀🔋 if anyone but you is asking

Edie: that’s the 👻

Edie: Even convinced Jun to get the fuck out

Billie: with what 👻? 👽 ?👾 🤡 ?🎃 🤖? madness

Edie: 👻 ish

Edie: there’s some exhibit at some museum, idk, it actually wasn’t my idea so I can’t take cred

Billie: 🦖 🦴 🦕 was next guess

Billie: safe that the 👻 🔮 came through with a plan

Edie: 👽 more like

Edie: that’s the best I can do with emojis anyway

Billie: 💬 💬 💬 💬

Edie: I met the most perfect boy

Billie: Dude not you catching a dose too 🚱

Edie: I’ve gone outside of the gene pool so it is not the same thing at all

Billie: 👍 start

Billie: Go on, what else has he got going for him?

Edie: Only everything

Edie: he’s perfect, I just said

Edie: You know that really tall, ridiculously good-looking boy in Rih’s year

Billie: 🤨 💭 ?

Billie: it’ll come to me

Billie: Aha! The one who [some rave story she’s heard of something wild he did]

Edie: I don’t know how you didn’t just KNOW but yeah

Edie: that sounds like him 🤩

Billie: he’s been working at ⛽️ [the location of said petrol station like whatever road it’s on] nights I’ve gone in

Edie: That’s good to know

Edie: I can go in too now

Edie: 💡

Billie: 👻

Edie: It’s so weird how we met actually

Edie: the thread has 90k people on it, what are the chances, how does that happen

Billie: spooky how many posts you could’ve missed before, weird if he ain’t wrote any til today & then replied to yours 🔮 🛸 🧲

Edie: He’s deffo been on there before, I recognised the username

Edie: but he mentioned somewhere in Dublin so then I knew he was at least from around here

Edie: I’d have never talked to him before, it’s deffo fate

Billie: fated if he agreed the monster was a copout reveal

Edie: He’s not 12, so duh

Edie: He’s so cool

Billie: It’s defs him?

Edie: Come on, like I’m gonna get catfished

Billie: this is wild odds, all I’m saying

Edie: It would be weirder if they worked out where I went to School, and then picked some boy who also went to that School to use

Edie: anyway, he’s sent me stuff today so I know it’s really him

Billie: he does look like someone to use for 🎣 but I can picture him on that thread loads

Edie: 🤤🤤🤤

Edie: Do you think he’ll come see me

Billie: yeah, why not

Edie: Aforementioned hotness, he could get ANY girl

Edie: I don’t know who he has gone out with before

Edie: didn’t he go out with one of Rih’s friends for a while?

Billie: [a pause while she has a convo with her friends about this because she has many and they’re mostly lads so at least some of them must know him or have some info]

Billie: Last seen with Lexie but that was time ago & nobody since

Edie: Hmm

Edie: I’m nothing like Lexie

Billie: he ain’t still with her & wasn’t for long, I’d assume he’s looking for different

Edie: and that’s me 🥴

Edie: charming 😏

Billie: 👽

Billie: She hasn’t said anything ☢️⚠️ I’m hearing now, that’s chill

Edie: she’s a bitch anyway, I wouldn’t trust her

Billie: if Blips is accurate on his timeline, even she couldn’t be that much of a bitch

Edie: ?

Billie: Everything with his sister was fresh then, apparently

Edie: Oh

Edie: I remember her, she had a nice smile

Billie: I don’t think I ever met her, it’s gone out my head if I did

Billie: the memorial he made for her is sicker than anything the teachers would’ve though, we hang there constantly

Billie: Take this info with 🧂 yeah? the source is Blips

Edie: She was a lot older

Edie: would’ve been, your paths probably didn’t cross

Edie: makes sense

Edie: he would’ve wanted someone around

Billie: makes sense he’s not thinking straight to pick Lexie to be that someone, but idk man, you can have your fill of pity quick enough

Edie: Maybe someone in her family died? I can see that and making that connection

Edie: not a sibling obviously or we’d know but she’s pretty dramatic, like all Rih’s friends are

Billie: not above milking a dead nan, bet

Edie: 💭 exactly

Edie: Poor Liam, that’s kinda fucking gross

Billie: bad taste in my mouth from being the messenger

Edie: I won’t say it was ages ago because that’d feel a bit like spitting on her grave but you know

Edie: fuck Lizzie or whatever her name is

Edie: she’s probably had 100 lads since then

Billie: Yeah, fuck Lizzie

Billie: what’s next for you & him?

Edie: I don’t know

Edie: I sort of asked him to come ‘round but not just like that

Edie: so his answer was as open-ended, I guess

Edie: I really hope he does though

Billie: he doesn’t know you’re unshockable & didn’t wanna freak you out by coming through the window on a real dark & stormy night

Billie: tracks if Lexie is his point of ref, she’s known for saying what she don’t mean

Edie: ugh, she’s really fucked that up for me

Edie: I should go cockblock her too

Edie: that’s a good idea actually

Billie: You could roll up if he’s working, let him know you’re not alike

Edie: If I roll up on her, he will 😈

Billie: 😶 cos idk how he rolls

Edie: You think he’ll be 😱 / 🤬

Billie: He could think you’re jealous, which would put you looking like her 🤡

Billie: lads always go to that headspace

Edie: most lads

Edie: like your mates who can’t spell their own names without checking with their ma first

Edie: I don’t think he’s like that

Billie: I’ll bite, what’s he like?

Edie: emojis weren’t covering it but I dunno if I even can with actual words either

Edie: he’s like no one else I’ve ever spoken to, I wasn’t bored, and he wasn’t weirded out

Billie: You weren’t even a bit bored?

Edie: nah

Edie: I felt like I was barely keeping up

Billie: 🤯

Edie: but he wasn’t trying to be impressive how lads do, because that isn’t

Billie: he was waiting for whatever he sent to impress you, which worked

Edie: he sent me lots of stuff

Edie: not 🍆 pics

Billie: he looks like he’d be a fuckboy

Edie: right?

Edie: he’s got too much about him though

Edie: I would’ve gone with it if he wanted, he had the chance

Billie: 🤯🤯

Edie: come on

Edie: you can see him

Billie: & I can hear you, you don’t say this kinda shit about anyone

Edie: I know, I’m deadly serious

Edie: 💀💀💀

Billie: What a day

Edie: Don’t tell anyone else yet though

Edie: I think he feels it too

Edie: but just in case

Billie: 🤐

Billie: he blatantly does, but that’s up to yous two to broadcast if you want, how you want

Billie: I’m just excited for the reveal 🎟 🍿 📺 🕹 📷 💻 📼 💿

Edie: He makes films too

Edie: and I’m writing a song right now

Billie: link me

Edie: [do, at least the ones that are clearly not private or whatever]

Edie: 😍

Billie: Cool, I’m gonna check these while you go 😈 on Lexie

Edie: If you hear her scream, no you didn’t

Edie: 😘✌️

Billie: not her 🩸 🦷 🦴 got it

Edie: only partly

Edie: she’s only 3rd on my shit-list, after-all

Billie: if I give you away with a new tic, no I didn’t & they’ll never convict 🤪✌️

Edie: so lucky you can shout ableism if it comes down to it

Edie: ADHD is an excuse for nothing except maybe being five minutes late 🙄

Billie: I’m not going for that with a free pass to shout out at the law 🐷 🐽 🐖 🥓

Edie: you can brag about your free pass, I only get caught when I want to ☠️✊

Billie: not a humble brag you can throw out to your new man, going off these locations I’m recognising, he’s got skills at never getting caught

Billie: How’d he get into [somewhere he should not be]?!

Edie: that’d be telling 🤫

Edie: I told you, he’s really smart

Billie: How didn’t we have a clue about him pretty much?

Edie: because he looks like a fuckboy, I suppose

Edie: you know Rih is gonna act like he’s a decade older than me because she thinks she’s so mature

Billie: 🙄

Edie: I can’t wait to call her out on her bullshit again with something new to add

Edie: can’t wait for the opposition like she’s got a leg left

Billie: She’ll run out fast, he’s cool

Edie: She’s not

Edie: but whatever, she can’t do anything

Billie: No chill, but he’s barely older, so if that’s her only 🔫

Edie: and he went out with Lexie ages ago, well, basically

Edie: she can’t act like she’s really good friends with him, I KNOW she isn’t

Billie: & she wasn’t in Lexie face not to go out with him, couldn’t cos there’s nothing wrong with him 🤷🏼‍♀️

Edie: you act like she’s rational but yeah

Edie: I don’t care, I know this is right

Edie: and what I want

Billie: She’s not, like, irrational enough to be hating on your happiness

Edie: I hate on hers

Billie: that’s different

Edie: not to her

Billie: Yeah but in terms of you & Liam

Edie: If she tries to be nice that’ll be even worse 😷

Billie: minding her own business isn’t gonna happen

Edie: I wish she’d keep hers to herself

Edie: I can’t stand it when he’s here

Edie: I’ll kill Lizzie and steal her bed

Billie: least you can stay at his soon

Edie: 😋

Billie: [frames of one of the videos cos the location is some end of summer event, why not] & you’ll be there together this year

Edie: You really think?

Billie: I don’t think you’ll be dumped quicker than Lexie

Edie: Damn fucking right

Edie: even if he was after one thing, I could do it better than her

Billie: [deletes that message like I don’t wanna read about your sexcapades thank you]

Billie: 🎧 🔊

Edie: [retypes it more vividly which I won’t subject you to lmao]

Billie: NAH

Edie: 😂😂😂

Edie: you’re alright, I’ve got another level to my mission now

Edie: [deets of the scavenger hunt thing]

Billie: Did he sort it for you?

Edie: Yep 😍

Billie: this lad

Billie: unreal

Edie: I think I’m in love

Billie: Someone offer to make him for you in a lab? getting sus otherwise

Edie: That would make sense

Edie: he’s way too perfect

Edie: not that I’m mad

Billie: 🏩 💕 💐 🧸 💞

Edie: 💍💒👶

Billie: [deletes that like calm down lol]

Edie: 👶👶👶👶👶👶👶 maybe

Billie: When’s the [some meteor shower or comet that’d feel very fated and cosmic and therefore we must]? invite him to that first

Edie: 🛸

Edie: I just need to think of a way to tell him where and when

Billie: You’ll be looking up for it, makes sense if he has to 👀⬆️ to find out

Billie: I’d put something on his roof

Edie: About the only place he’d genuinely have to look up to see

Edie: might be less literal

Edie: 💻

Billie: that’ll work too

Edie: plus if you reckon he’ll think I’m mental for hitting up Linda, finding out where he lives without asking will really tip it

Billie: romantic gestures are mental, less of a public ambush than most are

Edie: Everything fun is

Billie: Yeah, but nothing’s fun about getting asked out in the hallway between lessons or whatever 💩 is meant to pass for 😍

Edie: Well yeah, that’s too American teen drama for words

Edie: are his friends gonna be standing there pissing themselves at you believing it even for a sec

Billie: if it’s me his mates are stood about meowing cos some tics refuse to 💀

Edie: That’s cute

Edie: at least you aren’t saying some embarrassing untrue shit

Billie: my true form is 🐱 🐈 & I’m saying the truest shit since 👶🏼 🧒🏼

Edie: I know enough not to throw out suggestions for your head to grab but I’ve seen people saying wild things that you’d get eaten alive for

Edie: but duh, how else did we end up with you

Billie: I know not to watch that shit & maybe 🐦 it but yeah, love to my non-verbals 😝 😜 🤪 ✌️ 🖕 👍

Billie: & to ma for never meeting a stray she didn’t love

Edie: I’ll wait ‘til you wrong me ‘fore I add you to the shit list and send ‘em your way

Edie: tRIGgeRd ❗️❗️❗️❗️

Edie: 💗

Billie: Well I ain’t gonna develop a convenient new 👊 one OR pull a Lexie & wheel out my dead relative to steal your bf 💚

Edie: Ha, don’t

Billie: wouldn’t know what to do with him after using him as a 🛹 ramp & 🚴🏼‍♀️ jump

Edie: I’m the only one allowed to jump him tah

Billie: 😷

Edie: Okay I need to focus on this last one

Edie: see you at home

Billie: k

Billie: see you soon 🏴‍☠️

[writing-the-end]

LoL Chapter 2- Departure

Master Post

A Wizard Hermits tale (AU belongs to @theguardiansofredland )

The hermits are ready to leave the safety of their home island, ready to venture out into Lairyon and face whatever threat the magistrate contracted them for. All packed up, weapons sheathed, and tools stored, ready to travel on... sky turtles? 

_____________________________________________

“Are you sure I’m ready to go on a guild mission?” Mumbo questions, slipping vials of redstone into his pockets and pulling on his black robe. Twilight still holds rule over the Ashioll sea, mystical fog hiding the numerous islands within. Magic that hides the hermits and their illegal guild, as well as other dangers that live on the islands and in the water that surrounds them. 

“We’ve been training for this day for like, ever and ever. We’ve all seen what you’ve got on the training grounds. You’re ready Mumbo.” Grian shoulders his pack and pulls his hair free from his cloak. Mumbo has been packing since they left the guild hall, but his roommate just finished shoving his underwear into his backpack. Mumbo isn’t sure why he continues to live with Grian- he may have been the only person he knew when he joined the guild, but that was a year or so ago. More than enough time to build his own place. 

Grian nods towards the open archway of his home. Most of his place is open windows, wide enough for him to easily fly through white pillars holding up the glass dome. Protecting Mumbo’s stock of redstone, inventions, and his bed on the lower floors. The two wander down the quartz stairs, feet bouncing against the strengthened cloud that the tower sits upon. It took Grian and Scar days to find the right consistency of cloud that could hold up a building and people. Grian couldn’t help but want to lay down and bask in the cool droplets, playing in it like snow. 

But Mumbo keeps him on the right track, continuing down the stairs and across the bridge to the main island. Above them, they can hear BDubs shout from the top of his jungle tree, grabbing hold of a vine and sliding down. His landing isn’t that graceful, but his rebound is almost immediate. He shouts, waving to Keralis and sprinting down the dirt path. 

Mumbo and Grian pass by Joe’s library, lanterns blown out and books missing from their shelves. Including a few from a locked cabinet- his most important and dangerous books. In the distance, they can also see TFC’s gem cave has also gone dark, the crystals without the glimmer of light refracting through them, and the deck of Cleo’s shipwreck is devoid of ghosts and zombies. Her crew has been sent back to slumber while she’s gone. Grian jumps out of the way as Zedaph, Tango, and Impulse come rolling out of the barn. Tussling with one another, laughing and trying to beat the others to the guild hall. False is still at her forge, sweeping her hand and finishing the touches of another weapon. 

The guild hall is awash with talk, excitement, and nerves. They’ve never had a whole guild contract- it’s always been less than five, with one instance of about ten hermits to a single job. That was their highest paying job- until today. Normally, they have to curate their teams to the task at hand. The girls go into situations that need strength, team ZIT when they need a carrot and a stick. Transport missions often go with Etho, Scar, and Cub, and infiltration works best with Doc and Ren. 

False walks up the steps, plucking a pastry from the pile of food generously made by Stress. Her belt is filled with knives, and her backpack is swinging with various blades, all handcrafted. She tosses a saber to Cleo, who catches it with ease from midair. TFC clears his throat, looking at the collection of wizards before him. “Is that everyone? Do we have a headcount?” 

“We’re all here.” Xisuma states, pulling his mask over his face as the sun starts to rise. He may not be the guildmaster anymore, but he still takes a headcount every time they’re at a meeting. It’s just his instinct to. 

“Good, great. So, Gildara is a small town in the northern plain of Lairyon, which means it’ll be a few days' journey. Unfortunately, we’re too large a group to use Cub’s magic, and he’s never even heard of Gildara, much less been there. So that’s a wash.” TFC shrugs, and the hermits near Cub ease his apologies away. “We need to stay together, and be alert on our way there. We’re a large group traveling, people may ask questions. Does everyone remember our alibi?” 

Everyone nods their heads. Almost everyone. Mumbo leans over to Iskall, biting his lip. “Dude, I forgot it!” 

“That’s right- you’ve never been on a mission before.” Iskall leans back, listening to TFC as he continues down his list of preparations. “We aren’t a guild, we’re a circus troupe. Our magic isn’t regulated that way, and all you have to do is some silly tricks with your magic and they’ll just keep on going.” 

“But I can hardly get my magic to appear!” Mumbo’s eyes widen. 

“Then you’re just a clown.” Iskall grins, and leans away from Mumbo. 

“I think that’s everything I have listed here. Does anyone have any questions?” TFC rolls up the paper, slipping it into his messenger bag. Tucking it between bags of crystals- all charged with moonlight and ready for anything they’ll face. 

“Did the contract say anything about what we’ll be facing?” Joe questions, tapping his quill on his chin. 

TFC shakes his head, the braid in his beard rustling against his tunic. “No, it just said a ‘discrepancy’ has been occurring in Gildara. I can only assume the magistrate needs us to do more than just go at it with our weapons, but rather understand what’s happening.” 

“Why else would he offer such a large sum of money?” Grian points out. He knows he grew up poor, one orphan of many in a village that was ravaged by an uncontrolled magical fire. But even a noblewoman like Stress seemed alarmed by the price the contract brought. 

“It still seems too good to be true.” Doc whispers, but he’s not going to back out. He’s never one to shy away from a fight, a challenge. And what better than being a criminal that is getting paid by the very magistrate he despises? It’s too sweet a treat to deny himself. 

Zedaph sits up, eyes blinking back to himself. “The sky turtles have arrived! Let’s not waste another minute!”

He’s gone before anyone else, even the rest of his team, can process what he said. Running over the hillside to the sandy beach below the hill. Grian is up next, wings appearing and his tongue protruding from his lips. “Last one to the mainland has to pitch the tents!” 

That gets everyone to their feet. Tango casts his magic circle, red wings like a dragon’s appearing and sending him into the air after the angel. Disappearing into the thick fog of the Ashioll sea. And for the rest of the guild, those without the ability to fly, they have the sky turtles. Massive beasts of islands far off Lairyon’s shores. Flippers that double as wings, feathers flapping in the air as easily as they move through the water. Gentle giants, as old as the islands that they move between. Older than wizardkind. And they love Zedaph, his easy voice and soothing magic. 

The hermits board the flying turtles, three to a creature, holding onto the cloud colored carapace as the lumbering beast eases from sand to sky. Taking off after Grian and Tango. Departing to a new adventure.