#what gets me is that literally nothing caused this depressive episode so I can't even do anything to remedy it

[corvidkusnos]

How am I supposed to get any work done when I've been actively depressed for like a week with apparently no signs of improvement (for now)?

[mewhenimanangel]

—synopsis. you finally perform the solo you’d been practicing for the last three months. eren is sure to show up for you

—chapter 8 ౨ৎ

𝜗𝜚content!: au-high school, teenage romance, black reader, ballet dancer reader, cheesy romance, idiots in love

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"you did what?!" lana whisper-yelled, scolding you as you stretched on the barre. you told her about how you blew off eren's date and told him off monday morning. she asked you how you and eren were doing since she hasn't seen you guys together all week.

you told her about how painfully awkward math class was. for the first time since sitting with each other, you and eren spent the entire lesson focused on mr ryan and writing down the notes. you even moved your self over a bit so to not bump against him.

"is this because of your dad?" lana asked. you rolled your eyes, she knew you too well. during your depressive episodes, lana was the one person you never successfully pushed away. she would show up to your house with snacks and a stuffed animal she thought you would like, your room was growing a collection at this point.

she would then spend the night with you in your bed so you weren't alone.

"maybe it is" you told her as you changed positions according to mrs jaeger's instructions.

"dude. i'm sorry but you can't keep doing this" she scoffed. "what? don't tell me how to cope with my feelings" you got a little defensive.

"you can't be serious." lana deadpanned "girls. focus." mrs jaeger said. "we're not done with this conversation" she whispered.

once mrs jaeger was done with practice, you joined lana at your designated spot in the room.

"listen i know how you get but eren didn't deserve that. he actually really likes you" she chugged her water before continuing "the fact that he even came up to you proves that. don't shut him out."

"fine you're right that he doesn't deserve it but..i think we might as well just leave it there. the show's in a week and i've been slacking off. plus i saw that he followed historia on ig again" you scoffed.

"okay that part is weird. but you can't be upset when you're the one that literally told him to go back to her. that's literally your fault"

"ugh shut up it's not like i meant for him to literally do it." "relax, i don't think they're back together. it's just a follow. connie would've told me if they did get back together"

"ugh i guess you're right" you sighed, grabbing your duffel bag. "practice?" she asked and you nod your head.

"you want me to come back to take you home?" she asked you. "nah it's fine i'll call my mom" you left the room.

you looked down at your phone for a second before you managed to bump into someone. "sorr- oh." annie cut herself off when she saw you.

you rolled your eyes before beginning to walk away. "so how are you?" she put on a phony apologetic voice. "what do you mean?" you furrowed your eyebrows.

"well rumor has it that you and eren are done and he's back with historia. that's gotta hurt doesn't it?" she frowned. "i wonder if mrs jaeger is gonna give me the solo now that you've broken her poor son's heart after slutting yourself out"

"...annie do you fucking hear yourself?  whatever the fuck i have going on has nothing to do with you or this solo. i never got the solo because i was talking to eren, i got it cause i'm actually a good dancer and i know how to do a basic fucking spin." you scoffed.

you put your earbuds in and walked away before she could say anything else. it's like everything in your life was just trying to test you this last week.

you spent the next two hours perfecting your solo and going over your parts in the recital.

unbeknownst to you, eren was out in the hallway watching. he subconsciously stopped outside the room when he was going to ask his mom for the keys to the house again.

eren wondered why you even still bothered with these long practices when every move you did while practicing was perfect. it was kind of silly to him. you spun around and eren quickly ducked past the window he was creeping from.

you furrowed your eyebrows, swearing you'd just seen someone standing there.

by this point you were starving, tired, and developing a headache so you decided it was best to call it a night, calling your mom to tell her you were done. you stumbled out of your pointe shoes and changed into the slides you'd brought with you earlier, putting on a pair of sweats over your shorts.

ʚɞ listen to cherry!

you were practically hyperventilating backstage. today was show day, meaning all the dance recitals including your solo. you were so nervous you felt your heart would drop out of your chest.

"dude relax, it's okay. you're gonna do amazing!" lana threw her arm around you. "yeah for real, we've all seen the way you practiced you're gonna do so fucking good" your friend kailee nod her head.

so far you had danced in your hiphop performance, your class's contemporary piece and your solo was coming up after the next performance, you would be closing the recital.

you were currently dressed in a garnet red backless leotard that had a ruffled skirt like hem, white pantyhose, and a pair of white leg warmers.

your hair was slicked back in the tightest bun with a red peony hairpiece while lana helped you with your makeup after you ended up running a little late this morning. "you actually look perfect" kailee handed you a mirror.

"y/n i hope you're stretched, you're up in two minutes!" mrs jaeger came up to you. your heart dropped all over again hearing those words.

lana and kailee squealed as you got up from the ground and started heading closer to the stage.

you took deep breaths as you waited for the school director to announce your name and you walked out on to stage, waiting for the music to start.

you gracefully danced along to the song, making sure the three months of long and intense practices were evident in the way you move.

you were running on adrenaline, making your body shake before you subconsciously shut the audience out and focused on your movements.

you sharpened every kick, graced every pirouette and every spin, matched your movements with the beat and lyrics of the song.

you pretended there wasn't a crowd of people - which was easy due to the dim lights in the auditorium, you pretended it was just you in the room, you pretended it was just you practicing in front of eren while he sat on the floor of the studio and watched your every move.

you wanted to make every move perfect just for him, even if he wasn't there in the crowd. you couldn't but relate the song to your situation with him as you passionately matched the energy of the song. 'I fall to pieces when I'm with you (why?) Cause I love you so much' you memorized those lyrics throughout your practices, you dragged your right leg back behind you as you bent your body back, lowering your self to the ground to match the dramatics of the music.

you looked into the audience, tripping every so slightly when you saw eren looking back at you. he was in the front row with connie, elbows on the armrests as he held his hands in front of his mouth, studying your every move intently. 

eren had memorized these moves and knew the dance was almost over. his gaze never left you and he noticed how your foot slipped when your eyes met his. but you managed to catch yourself, he loved that about you, you always seemed to find a way to get back up.

once you heard the last beat of the song that you'd become familiar with in the last three months you ended your dance in a pose - laying sideways on the floor with one arm holding you up and the other draped over your head, your eyes didn't leave eren's as you tried to hide your heavy breaths.

you tuned back in once you heard everyone in the audience begin to clap and cheer for you. you got up from the ground, smiled, and curtseyed before leaving the stage as the curtains closed.

once you were back stage, lana and kailee hugged you and began jumping around and squealing.

"i don't know WHY you were nervous that has to be the best performance of the whole show" lana praised you. "yeah seriously everything was perfect" kailee nod her head. the other girls back stage clapped along for you too.

mrs jaeger came over to the three of you clapping her hands before reaching out to hug you. "that was beautiful y/n! i knew i made the right decision making you my soloist. every last move was so graceful, even when you tripped and made it look as though it was part of the routine" she told you.

"thank you mrs jaeger" you smiled. "such a beautiful end to such an amazing recital. you all did wonderful jobs this evening i am truly proud. everyone give yourselves a round of applause"

after taking a group picture, you all went to the dressing rooms to grab your things and meet your families in the auditorium.

you grabbed your duffel bag and put on your sneakers. "we ate every performance up oh my goddd" lana squealed as you walked to join the crowd in the audience. on the way there you bumped into mina and annie who rolled her eyes when she saw you.

"nice performance. you looked somewhat decent" she sighed. "thanks" you scoffed before walking away with lana.

for some reason it hit you hard that this would be your last performance, it was almost bittersweet. "can't believe we're leaving this place after this year" lana sighed as you entered the auditorium.

"it's crazy we're literally graduating.."

you scanned the audience for your mom before she turned around, smiling as she made her way to you. "ohhh my baby. you did so good, it was beautiful! and you had the audacity to be nervous like you weren't gonna blow the crowd away!" she hugged you and bobbed from side to side.

"you liked it?" you smiled. "i loved it!" she cheered as she gave you the bouquet of pink peonies. "yeah you actually looked really good" enya chimed in. "thanks kid" you smiled as you brought her in for a side hug.

"ohhh and lana you looked amazing up there sweetie" she pulled your friend into a hug. "every chasse every spin every move ugh you girls are perfect. you keep me young" your mom pulled you into the group hug.

"thank you so much mrs l/n" lana grinned. "oh hang on i'll see you guys later i see my dad" she told you as you all said goodbye.

mrs jaeger came over to you and your mom to congratulate you and praise your work to your mom. "she's such a wonderful dancer, i'm going to miss her next year" she turned to smile at you. "i'll always visit" you smiled.

the four of you turned around when you heard someone clear their throat behind you. your heart sank when you saw eren standing there. he wore a black polo shirt and baggy black jeans.

your mom and mrs jaeger each other a look "sweetie i'll be outside okay?" your mom told you as they stepped away.

"hey" eren stepped closer to you, reaching for a hug. "hi" you threw your arm around him pulling him into the embrace.

"you looked amazing up there" he pulled away to look at your outfit.

eren didn't tell you he was gonna be at the recital but connie brought him along.

watching you dance was always nice but watching you dance your heart out on stage was just so beautiful and encapsulating. eren couldn't get enough of you. everything about you was so graceful and beautiful all the time.

he knew he had to see you once you were done, but he was nervous considering the two of you hadn't spoken much in the last two weeks. he was shocked you even hugged him.

"thank you, did you like my solo?" you grinned. "it was fucking amazing. i don't know what you were so scared of, those practices definitely paid off." he smiled.

"they definitely did" you nod your head, a friendly gesture. "thanks for coming, i didn't think you would" you told him.

"of course i would, i was with you so much when you practiced i had to come see the final product" he smirked as he bumped your shoulder.

your mom came up behind you and put her hand on your shoulder. "hi, i'm y/n's mom" she smiled as she put her hand out for eren to shake. "hi it's nice to meet you, i'm eren" he told her.

"oh well it's nice to finally put a face to the name, i've heard so much about you" she told him and your face dropped when you realized what she meant. eren looked at you with a cocky grin on his face and you smiled before rolling your eyes.

"well it was really nice meeting you but we're gonna have to head out if we wanna make those dinner reservations" your mom turned to you. "oh right" you looked back at eren.

"seriously thanks for coming" you hugged him again and his hands lingered on your waist for a beat longer than they should've.

"of course, i'll see you later" he waved to you and your mom.

nia’s ౨ৎ notes: lmaooo can y’all tell i couldn’t wait to make them talk again

[zabala0z]

S3 is once again killing me again with all the lore and I love it. School started up so I might be slower with my thoughts but I got episodes 92, 93, 94 and 95 to talk about!!!

MAG 92: Nothing Beside Remains

Elias makes me want to eat my phone, similar to that one guy from MAG 65 :) I was like screaming the whole time. Of course he can see everything, he literally called the police before Daisy came. I took that as "oh he has spies" but no he can see everything, I hate that. Is Jon eventually gonna get that ability or does The Eye give different gifts. Elias hasn't shown any "compellling" sort of power so I assume the latter. ALSO MORDECAI LUKAS?? I need to see a statement from a Lukas member cause what is up with that family, I'm dying.

Guess Basira is now working there. Hope Elias is paying her. the fact he won't tell Jon shit is so funny to me. So The Stranger is now, basically, the confirmed main villain. BBEG yknow? Mildly terrified, I hate circuses and mannequins so this season is gonna like body me

Not much to say on MAG 93 but whatever entity has the whole "gross shit" as its deal, I'm guessing this falls under it. Purple fungus, the obsessive cleaning, etc. Also yaaay Breekon and Hopes!! Again!11!! get out! Poor Georgie. Love her for being like "Do you even have qualifications??". Jons explanation helped me a lot because during Elias's explanations, I'm mostly just muttering curses to myself because I HATE Him. Avatars. Baller. So Jude Perry was the avatar of The Desolation (destruction, fire, etc) Michael Crew was the avatar of The Vast (sky??, emptiness, general loneliness) and then like Jon is an avatar and I'm guessing so is Elias. I think you can have more then one avatar but anyways.

MAG 94: Dead Woman Walking

Jon refereed to the entity as "The End" which, using my notes, was mentioned in Mary keys statement when gertrude asked where the book came from and Mary said "The End" and said she could never serve it, not finding death interesting. Wild that she can't feel fear anymore??? Like damn. This kinda read as someone in a depressive state in some form. Or like a nihilistic person. Cause like "everything ends, time, it has already ended". Wild.

Not much to say on MAG 95 but I did understand the context vaguely which is more then what I can say for the other war statements. Also Martin and Basira friendship??? Love it. She gets really engrossed in books. I dunno if she was like lying or this is something supernatural related but I love Basira

MAG 96: Return to Sender

Literally screeching oh my god. The fact these things just hijacked this mans business is almost funny. They also talked with a circus ringmaster. Nikola Orsinov? gregor Orsinov? A different one. the statement was given 1996 and Gregor was the leader around the 40's but Nikola, by her description I think, sounded young. So. Who was this ringmaster? Maybe Im getting the timeframe wrong. or they're like eternal. Maybe they like just shed skin and steal a new body, just going by the same last name- okay I don't know.

Also, SARAH BALDWIN???? Welcome back girl. The fact the gorilla skin was stolen by gertrude means she was trying to stop The Unknowing, and likely that's why its been this long for it to happen, because they need that skin. Ew. The Stranger loves skin a little too much. Also Sarah being filled with sawdust and cloves. Great. If Not Sasha was shot, would we have seen that? Or is it different with every one of those, NotThem.?

Anyways, I think that's everything. Every statement, I'm kinda thinking, "which entity does this fall under" now that I know the surrounding universe. Tough since I only know 6 by name and I think there's more. 6 too many entities for this world though

[starguardianniom]

Adrien and Marinette screwing each other's character development

That's literally what happened in season 5.

5 seasons of Adrien trying his best to break free of his dad's abuse and control only for Marinette to honors Gabriel's wish and make him believe he was a hero and a good parent, despite having front seat at his abuse, on top of fighting him, and Gabriel made the both of time cry. So now Adrien will forever think his father was a good man, when he was not. He will like his abuser, when the last episode showing them together has Adrien showing nothing but hatred toward his father for thinking he knew better for him when he was just doing what he wanted Adrien to do and not what Adrien wanted himself.

We spent 5 seasons watching Marinette trying and failing to confess to Adrien, only for him to confess to her instead which rendered kind of all her efforts pointless, on top of not having to learn the many lessons that she should have, like regarding his private life, or start seeing him as a person and not a perfect angel who can't do no wrong. They even had some jokes at her behavior, behavior that they later learned was because she had a traumatic experience which made her decide that the next poor sod that would catch her attention would not be permitted to have a private life whatsoever, just because she made an error of judgement and didn't listen to her friend's warning, something she keeps doing repeatedly during the series. She just gets her boyfriend and never has to change her behavior, and he doesn't get to maybe get mad or creeped out at all the stuff she did for him while she could barely speak to him, let alone struggle to stay close less she ran away out of being scared to ask him out. So her toxic behavior also doesn't get to be toned down. Biggest example is after learning that Gabriel is Monarch, she goes to speak to him because she wants Adrien back, not to stop Monarch once in for all. She has to when he finds her in his house and she can't hide much longer.

The main difference, Marinette has been aware since forever that Gabriel was pretty controlling with Adrien and got depressed over it several times since it meant she couldn't hang out with him. And she still sided with his abuser because she didn't want Adrien to deal with the backlash of knowing his father was the local terrorist of the city. A guy she spent 5 season fighting, and spent the last episode of season 5 beating up because he prefered to go with his crazy scheme instead of respecting his wife's last wish. And she decides to respect Gabriel's last wish instead of being honest with Adrien and the rest of the city, which I'm sorry to say, is beyond horrible of her. People deserves the truth, so does Adrien, stop coodling him like his father tried, he doesn't need it.

Meanwhile Adrien just learned in the last season that she had a crush on him. And saw her doing some pretty weird stuff, but never truly saw the real depths as to how far Marinette was willing to go to get his love. He didn't see her bully Kagami, he didn't see her lie and manipulate her parents to make her follow him to Shangai and abandoning her uncle on his birthday just to go stalk him, among other stuff. So he isn't aware of the worst of Marinette, and half of it he thinks she's just weird because to him that's how she's always been, weird and quirky but still charming and cute somehow.

I kind of just realised that while reading other posts about those subjects and just saw that they both ruined each other's development, Adrien unintentionally and Marinette, intentionally.

EDIT: chocolatevoidpizza made me realize I was victim blaming Marinette for the cruel prank she went through in Derision via the line "just because she made an error of judgement and didn't listen to her friend's warning".

That is unfair on Marinette and I apologize for writing that and take it back.

I however won't delete it cause I need the reminder to not have a repeat of that and I need the lesson.

So thank you chocolatevoidpizza for opening my eyes and knocking sense back into me.

[generouskittentidalwave]

Milo Murphy's law, holy shit

HOLY CHEESE N CRACKERS, I HATE SOCIETY BECAUSE OF YOU PEOPLE

LISTEN, LISTEN, SIT DOWN AND *LISTEN*

I was watching a popular video on YouTube about Milo Murphy's Law, now despite the people in the comments having a collective trauma boner they can't get rid of, yes I said what I said and you'll know why, everyone OUTSIDE of that confined space actually agrees it's a funny, happy, underrated show.

BUT OML YOU PPL IN NEED TO GET A GRIP CAUSE HOL-Y SHIT YOU PPL NEED *THERAPY*

Because in that comment section everyone was complaining that "Oh Milo doesn't care about the stuff going on around him" and "It would be so much better if he was constantly filled with anxiety" or "I always wanted him to break down and cry about the things going on around him" or "he should feel guilty about the things going on around him and have a breakdown"

No, NO, STFU, RESPECTFULLY MIND YOU, BUT STFU, THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS AND I'M TIRED OF IT

Milo cares, he clearly does as in every episode he's helping everyone after mistakes get made because of the jinx out of his own kindness, even going out of his way to do his best to avoid stuff. He's just happy and positive and nonchalant about the outrageous comedic calamity that follows him wherever he goes not because he doesn't care but because he's dealt with it since birth, he stays optimistic and prepared as that's all you can really do. Being upset constantly, although justified, would not help or fix anything. If you made him constantly sad, guilty, and depressed constantly over the things he can't control (mind you he has gotten upset because of it before, multiple times) then that would ruin the whole message of the show and of Milo's character that Dan tried to display. Which is that things are gonna happen sometimes that are out of your control, but what matters is making the most of it and enjoying the things in life as they come. As even when they are bad, that doesn't take away the good that can happen. It's okay to get upset over things out of your control, but sometimes the only thing you can do is make the most of what you have and find enjoyment through the daily life of chaos.

But NOOO ppl would rather have this literal happy optimistic child in a hilariously chaotic and shitty situation be constantly depressed, on edge, anxiety ridden and guilty because if we can't be happy in that situation then they can't be either, and in the words of Milo Murphy "Does that sound like more fun to you?"

SO yeah, if you are trying to make something dark and depressing to be more relatable then take a good, HARD, look at yourself and revaluate. This child should NOT be upset because nothing that happens around him IS HIS FAULT. It's, let me repeat, literally OUT OF HIS CONTROL. And yet he STILLS helps everyone around him constantly DESPITE THAT.

We gotta stop getting upset at realistically positive characters in shitty situations and immediately getting upset that they have an optimistic outlook where we wouldn't. That's not to say don't take every situation not-seriously when it's needed (Which they have taken serious situations seriously and respectfully mind you), but for the love of god people need to stop self projecting. We all have our own traumas, and it can be validating seeing someone in your same shoes, but that doesn't mean every happy character needs to be as upset as we are.

Maybe, just maybe, they can serve as a happy reminder that, no matter what comes your way, sometimes there can be good found in even the craziest and shitty situations. That maybe, just maybe, we all need a bit of fun and happiness and optimisim in our lives because bad things are always going to happen that's out of your control. But what matters is focusing on the good in our lives.

Also before you say "WeLl It Was SaId Milo Wouldn't WaNT a CuRe foR MurPhy'S laW-" No, Milo's best friend assumed he wouldn't want that, that's not saying he wants to keep it because he likes it and will let ppl suffer because of that, but it was literally stated, and displayed in many other shows that use Murphy's law in a literal sense, that the "cure" for Murphy's law is literally passing it on elsewhere or onto someone else, and that was literally stated in the show too later on. Milo wouldn't want that and Melissa knows it. She also knows if there was a cure, they would've found it already, which means there is a reason why they still have this curse. Murphy's law is who he is, and him having it keeps it from affecting someone else, even if it causes problems he tries to see the good in having it around.

(And P.S., before you say "BuT tHe PaF Crossover MaDe ThIngS-", NOPE GET THAT, ALTHOUGH UNDERSTANDABLE OPINION, OUTTA HERE. It's a Dan run show, he's gonna do crossovers, he's gonna connect the two together and Doof being brought back as the fun uncle in the house with a platypus friend is amazing. You don't have to like it, but you gotta accept that others do.)

So, people, as a society, DO BETTER

[adviserbylove]

I am aware I've been quite annoying about this issue in the past, and for the moots that are tired of hearing this, I apologize. This will most likely be the last time that I will say this, cause at this point, I'm also fed up with it as well. But if I don't properly express my views on this matter instead of arguing with trolls hiding behind a grey ball with sunglasses (anonymous asks), I'm gonna let my feelings bottle up like a champagne bottle and, well....we all know how that goes

And no, this is not something that has been ongoing for me, or I'm still getting shit for this. If I do, I will delete any further asks about this issue. I've just been reminded of idiotic posts I've seen from purity patrol and it sickens me

There is nothing wrong with aging up your f/o

"It's not my fault you didn't grow out of your teenage crush" "....'Cause some people can't let go of their crush when they were teens" "Umm...why do you selfship with X who is 17 when you're an adult?" -- Shut up. There are so many reasons why someone would age up a character, and they don't equate to "Hiding the fact you would be attracted to their canon age". Perhaps they were a teenager when they started to selfship with them and when they got older, their f/o was in a media were they didn't age. Perhaps you fell in love with a character who, without their age being canonically 16-17, you would've taken them for early twenties~. Perhaps those characters have helped you through extremely harsh times, helped you through panic attacks and depressive episodes, and they became people that were very near and dear to you. People just expect you to throw all of that out the window as soon as you blow out the candles on your 18th birthday cake? Why not create an AU where you two grew up together and are still happy with each other? That is literally what self shipping is! Not 'growing out of your crush, and if you don't, that's your problem, not mine!'. That only makes it sound like your feelings towards your f/o is something that can be turned on and off like a light switch, which is NOT how feelings fucking work! Guess I should've gotten tired of my husband that I knew for 20+ years/been married to for 6+ years!

If anything, it would be weird if an adult did not age their f/o up. The reason behind aging up character is because sexualizing minors is wrong. You are not imaging yourself with teenagers, but adults that use to be those teenagers. It's faulty reasoning, because by this logic, college au's of characters that are canonically 16-17 are not valid. By this logic, falling in love with your childhood friend is not valid (which is actually one of my favorite, if not my favorite, trope). Seeing how characters grow and develop is suppose to be one of the best parts of fictional characters, and the fact that some people want to shit on that aspect that one's comfort can bring to them is absolutely wild for me

I've been blocked by multiple blogs, but before I was, they asked me why I selfship with a 17 year old when I'm in my twenties. Before I even answered their asks with the fact that I aged them up and worked hard on planning out what they would've done as an adult/what would be different/what their life was like in our AU, etc. I was already blocked. If you aren't interested in hearing my answer, then don't even bother sending an ask to me in the first place

I was groomed + SA'ed when I was 11 (by five different men, two of them happened to be family members, mind you), have children irl, and two younger brothers that have also been CSA victims. I will NEVER stop believing that it is wrong for an adult to take advantage of a minor. And frankly, you can stop shitting on a coping mechanism that actual survivors of CSA use

Aging up is not equal to sexualizing minors/p*dophilia! All it does is tell me that you have morals!

Again, believe what you want, but I will be deleting any pedo apologists, mean comments, purity patrol, proshitters using this as a trump card, etc.

They aren’t real. They can’t be hurt. They’re there for us to have fun with. So as long as you aren't producing literal CP, you are fine! Just enjoy yourself

[moonlight-tmd]

regarding your recent post:

I'll be honest, I'm either rooting for blitz or prowl lmao X3

blitz cause he's gone out of his way to do these things for bee that you listed in the other and his pure admiration and love for the lil' bug. blitz has nerve and gut to do those things, especially for an autobot ; who are the enemy since he's a decepticon, blitz's own fraction and leader are an after thought, and I respect that to an extent lol

can't really say the same for shockwave/longarm tbh but he's trying lol

and prowl because of the chemistry he and bee shared in the canon of the actual show. I'm pretty sure there are two episodes dedicated to just the duo working together or bonding cause they're the embodiment of technology and nature. I like this one because it fits more into the canon and they just give me brain rot >v<

and bee just seeking protection from bulk from all three is funny and cute to me! like, bulk and bee are long term besties of course they'd protect each other. bee just running to bulk, asking for a place to hide (from longarm and prowl lmao) and bulk agreeing. so, bee just naps in bulk's subspace while he's doing something as prowl and longarm wander around the factory

yeh me too X3

Blitz is literally attached to the Decepticons by nothing other than the fact he's scared of Megatron, it says so on the wiki even. And now Megatron is gone so technically there's nothing holding him back from doing what he wants and ditching everything to pursue the yellow scout that stole his Spark.

Prowl knew Bee for a while and had grown to admire him in secret. He never thought about asking him out cuz there was never an occasion- plus he thinks that Bee will turn him down cuz he's so different from him. (even if they get along great as they are)

Longarm/Shockwave is just stuck in a perpetual loop of "What's more important: Job or Love?" So he's just trying to cope with everything at once- seeing how every choice will impact his and Bee's life and all. It's a lot even for his processor. Although, similar to Blitz, Megs is gone atm so there's nothing holding him back from casually switching sides once and for all and devoting his life to Bee.

Bee is just there very confused and worried to why everyone wants to date him all of a sudden. I mean, he likes the attention but he doesn't like how possesive each of them get. He doesn't wanna be treated like a prize, but like a loved one. Bulkhead is just trying to help him out and so is the rest of the team- when Bee suddenly disappears they don't tell Prowl or Longarm where he went on purpose. Prowl is smart enough to understand Bee avoids him which saddens him. He wants to apologize but he never gets an opportunity.

Tbh after Blitz reveals Longarm is a spy there are 2 routes it can go; Longarm gets arrested and Bee is hurting cuz he did like him and Shockwave is just being depressed in his prison cell. Or Longarm pulls an uno reverse and says he's been an Autobot spy in disguise and been doing infiltration missions in secret to get Decepticon files, effectively earning him a good favor with Bee. (he's not really registered in the criminal records, he has access to that if he needed to delete it and all his actions have been anonymous from the start, few know of Shockwave's existance.)(Blitz knew Shockwave for a bit but he is too dumb to see thru Long's lie.)

Either way it's most likely that both Blitzwing and Prowl get to date Bumblebee. If Shockwave does decide to pull the uno reverse then he tags along too. Don't worry they learn to share nicely and that there is enough love for everyone.

though BlitzBee is my favorite but don't tell them

[gittetj]

I had to admit defeat today and tell my boss I'm going on sick leave. I don't like it. I don't like it at all, but my psychiatrist and a nurse I'd never talked to before (I've lost count of how many strangers I've cried in front of lately) watched me sob my eyes out for half an hour and were very insistent that I should stop trying to go on like normal.

They're probably right. In some aspects, I don't think I've ever felt worse in my life. Like, I've felt a lot worse in other ways - anxiety, more typical depression, mixed mood episodes, but now I get these, like.. crying fits. I really don't know what to call them. I start crying and then I can't stop, often for hours, and I can barely move or react when people talk to me. I've always cried easily, but it's different.

It's kinda scary to think about that a few months ago, I was so shaken up by these fits that, the second time it happened, I called the emergency psych ward - something I had never, ever done before because I hate talking on the phone and I hate asking for help. But now? Now it happens multiple times a day. Now it's practically normal.

Except... it's really not normal. I keep trying to explain it to people and nobody seems to get what I'm talking about and that's the part that makes me feel really loopy. I just need to know that this is a valid human experience, that I'm not making it up. I'm always really worried I'm making stuff up. But I don't even know how to describe it, it's just this onslaught of intense, emotional agony. No physical symptoms aside from the crying, just despair. Grief. The only time I've felt remotely like that for a "real" reason was after a family member died suddenly and unexpectedly, but it's even worse than that. Many times I've ended up literally writhing on the floor because it's completely unbearable.

I sure hope it helps to have more time to do nothing, 'cause I have no idea what else to try.

I want my brain back from mental illness jail already :(

[mlobsters]

supernatural s1e12 faith (w. sera gamble, raelle tucker)

(this is a rewatch so spoilers abound)

same old story, i'm struggling. mostly convinced my depression (and/or the meds) just shuffle my executive function around but never increase it. imagine a yahtzee cup shaking the dice around, let's see what i get this time

very pretty and reminiscent of xfiles, but better car. cue me searching for the oldsmobile that wasn't terrible in the xf movie, which then i run into the firefox/yt bug so i have to wait 5 minutes for an incredibly shitty recording of a tv playing an xf/oldsmobile intrigue promo to load. this is going great. maybe i don't wanna see our dean get electrocuted

cracking up that they kinda ran into each other. literally attached at the hip. this whole rawhead thing, feels like the actual monstery monsters thing just largely went by the wayside after s1

DEAN Yeah. All right, well, looks like you're gonna leave town without me. SAM What are you talking about? I'm not gonna leave you here. DEAN Hey, you better take care of that car. Or, I swear, I'll haunt your ass. SAM I don't think that's funny. DEAN Oh, come on, it's a little funny.

always hard to watch dean being so ready to die. this being the more acceptance of the consequences of hunting type, but watching it with the weight of every other time it's going to happen pushing down on me, buh.

DEAN Look, Sammy, what can I say, man, it's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story. SAM Don't talk like that, alright? We still have options. DEAN What options? Yeah, burial or cremation. And I know it's not easy. But I'm gonna die. And you can't stop it. SAM Watch me.

heaven help whoever gets in the way of sam saving dean

SAM Hey, Dad. It's Sam. Uh... you probably won't even get this, but, uh... it's Dean. He's sick, and uh... the doctors say there's nothing they can do. Um... but, uh, they don't know the things we know, right? So, don't worry, cause I'm uh... gonna do whatever it takes to get him better. Alright... just wanted you to know.

dean's dying but can't count on john for anything, of course. and a little sam/jared nail biting moment

DEAN Well, I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot.

come home to hot nurse sammy *rimshot*

SAM You know, this whole I-laugh-in-the-face-of-death thing? It's crap. I can see right through it. DEAN Yeah, whatever, dude. Have you even slept? You look worse than me.

i spy with my little eye their wee printer back there. sammy in socks, dean in not-logger boots. also i think because of how he dresses a lot of times but jackles really does have long legs. and occasionally will get a shot of them like whoa, right.

SAM I've been scouring the Internet for the last three days. Calling every contact in Dad's journal. DEAN For what? SAM For a way to help you. One of Dad's friends, Joshua, he called me back. Told me about a guy in Nebraska. A specialist. DEAN You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you? SAM I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going.

i know that's right!

always here for grumpy weak puppy dean getting annoyed with sam mother henning him. i ended up making all the gifs because it's cute and makes me laugh

DEAN Man, you are a lying bastard. Thought you said we were going to see a doctor. SAM I believe I said a specialist.

cracking me up. it's not my fault you assumed medical specialist 😌

s1e11 julie benz as layla rourke / dexter s1e1 as rita bennett

funny, in an effort to watch something instead of zoning out and being miserable in the evening the other day i put on dexter, i have watched half of the first episode 🥴 but i did meet her character!

YOUNG WOMAN Maybe God works in mysterious ways. DEAN Maybe he does. I think you just turned me around on the subject. YOUNG WOMAN Yeah, I'm sure. DEAN I'm Dean. This is Sam. YOUNG WOMAN Layla. So, if you're not a believer, then why are you here? DEAN Well, apparently my brother here believes enough for the both of us.

sam's little smile to that ❤️

DEAN This is ridiculous. (He slaps SAM's hands away) I'm good, dude, get off me.

😂

truly, worth the price of admission alone

SAM Look, Dean, do we really have to look this one in the mouth? Why can't we just be thankful that the guy saved your life and move on? DEAN Because I can't shake this feeling, that's why. SAM What feeling? DEAN When I was healed, I just... I felt wrong. I felt cold. And for a second... I saw someone. This, uh, this old man. And I'm telling you, Sam, it was a spirit. SAM But if there was something there, Dean, I think I would've seen it, too. I mean, I've been seeing an awful lot of things lately. DEAN Well, excuse me, psychic wonder. But you're just gonna need a little faith on this one. Sam, I've been hunting long enough to trust a feeling like this.

psychic wonder :p sam's little pinched face when dean says he needs to have faith lol harrumph. yeah yeah some guy died, but you're fine so let's go!

s1e12 kevin mcnulty as reverend legrange

i did a hiky for kevin mcnulty for is appearance in spn 10x06, he was in the killing and the magicians too

ROY Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest. DEAN What did you see in my heart? ROY A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn't finished.

i don't remember if they go into this any more but i wonder how much of this was hinting at the long game (nevermind roy doesn't actually have any powers that we know of). could work for all manner of points along the story within the s1-5 arc for him though

s1e12 gillian barber as mrs rourke / s12e17 as dr hess / the x-files s2e10 as beth kane / under the banner of heaven s1e4 as sister dorren

she's been in a couple of my things too, including four (4!) episodes of the xfiles and uh, she was dr hess in s12 of spn for 3 episodes?? lol no wonder she was familiar. i guess i didn't look her up

oof, that small "i'm sorry" from sam got me. so this scene originally has don't fear the reaper by blue oyster cult, clip here if interested. i don't know that i think it fits that much better, feels like it's just too cheekily appropriate they had to use it somewhere.

i appreciate the dividers not being some godawful cheesy thing but i'm also laughing at how big this motel room is. and full ass kitchen basically, only vaguely kitchenette in the fact that the fridge and stove are like. 3/4 size. it's a cool set but i often think their motel sets are bonkers in one way or another regardless

SAM Wait, what the hell are you talking about Dean, we can't kill Roy. DEAN Sam, the guy's playing God, he's deciding who lives and who dies. That's a monster in my book. SAM No. We're not going to kill a human being Dean. We do that we're no better than he is. DEAN Ok, we cant kill Roy, we can't kill Death. Any bright ideas, college boy? SAM Ok. uh...If Roy's using some kind of black spell on the reaper, we gotta...figure out what it is. And how to break it.

honestly don't think dean at this point in time would actually jump to killing the human instead of breaking the spell but whatevs :p i can take the somewhat out of character things like dean saying he's proud of sam in s1 and hold tight to them and discard the ones i don't like, like this :P maybe it's because he feels wracked with guilt! who knows!

COP 1 We catch you round here again son, we'll put the fear of God in you, understand? DEAN Yes sir, fear of God. Got it.

can't resist being a smartass to cops

LAYLA I wish you luck. I really do. DEAN Same to you. Layla turns to walk away again. DEAN (under his breath) You deserve it a lot more than me.

sneak in some of that patented dean self loathing

DEAN Desperate. Her husband was dying, she didn't have anything to save him. She was using the binding spell to keep the reaper away from Roy.

sounds familiar 🤔

DEAN May God save us from half the people who think they're doing God's work.

amen to that

just happen to whip up a color picture of dean. wonder if she has a printer or she takes it to the 1 hour photo

and dean doesn't even try to get away from the reaper, like yeah. should be dead anyway, and let layla live. just what he wanted

DEAN We did the right thing here didn't we? SAM Of course we did. DEAN (hanging his head) It doesn't feel like it.

(especially when the right thing means dean gets to live)

DEAN Must be rough. To believe in something so much, and have it disappoint you.

like *cough* your dad?? lol

LAYLA God works in mysterious ways. Goodbye, Dean.

mmmk. the draft script says she kissed him, glad they didn't go there

DEAN Well... I'm not much of the praying type... but... I'm gonna pray for you. LAYLA Well...There's a miracle right there.

🤔 ok lol

physically incapable of shutting up about these early episodes

[booasaur]

SPOILERS for Warrior Episode 4

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Where to fucking start with this episode? The beginning of the episode broke my heart all over again. So much death and destruction! Even worse is the rift it caused between Ah Toy and Nellie. Ah Toy blaming Nellie and herself for indulging in this fantasy that was too good to be true. It’s easier for Nellie to be optimistic with her privilege as a wealthy white lady. In season 2 she pushed Nellie away because it wasn’t safe in Chinatown. Now she’s pushing Nellie away because it’s not  safe for them outside of Chinatown. Ah Toy leaving after telling Nellie “Happy mean nothing if you are dead.” Fucking hell. 

Ah Toy going back to Chinatown and immediately throwing herself back into work. Staring in the mirror, the bruises on her face. Covering up her wounds and trauma with makeup, wearing her dress like armor. Back to square one again and it sucks. It was sweet when Ah Sahm came to see her though. We also see the darkness in Lai rising again, poor baby. I guessed that Ah Toy’s line was gonna be the title, “In Chinatown, no one think about forever.”

Finally, Nellie is crushed when that judge took her away their land as “imminent domain.” She starting to see the limits of her power as a wealthy white woman, because of sexism. The fucking audacity of Dickhead to be like “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Nellie was unhinged and dragged his ass in front of everyone. Flashbacks to Penny and Buckley last season…please don’t throw her in an asylum! It wasn’t surprising that he bribed the judge. If he did that, then what’s the point of attacking the vineyard and killing innocent women?? Male ego and pettiness, that’s what!

I hope we’ll see Ah Toy and Nellie  together again next episode. They need each other more than ever now! Ah Toy will get revenge eventually, so Dickhead better watch out!

Yeah, the opening was brutal, and the thing is, normally I'd think Ah Toy is reacting more to her internalized fear and indeed, punishing herself for daring to wish for more, for herself, but in the end she's right. Usually Nellie WOULD be able to use her lawyers and money would win, but you can't win against someone who's just as white and wealthy as you and also male and who wants power and uses that to influence others. It's such a good point, why attack when you were already going to get the land? Just plain evil.

Indeed, now, I'm not sure what the plot is for Nellie going forward. They probably won't repeat something from before, but her role on the show is tied so strongly to Ah Toy, what is there for her if they're separated? And as much as I wish they are back together in the next ep, I think this is the part of that review where Ah Toy is going to be depressed, because in effect she has lost Nellie. If she were to get that support again, I feel like that would help resolve her arc too quickly. I think there's more of downward spiral in store for her, for all of them, until enough is enough.

But, you know, that actually makes me more hopeful for Nellie's future, at least at the moment. It's absolutely very possible that she does die in the next eps, but there's no narrative weight to it now, she's already lost everything, and she and Ah Toy are already separated. Its biggest impact would have been when they were happy together, so in ep 3, actually. Now... I'm just not sure.

That scene of Ah Toy putting on the makeup was so good! Sad but very effective and honestly, kind of beautiful. Although, see, that's where I think it IS her punishment for herself and inability to accept she deserves more that stops Ah Sahm, because, well, why not assassinate him? They've done it before. But I guess that's literally her season's arc. It'll happen, hopefully, even if later on, that's the "getting even" part the review addresses.

[zalrb]

the summer i turned pretty 2x02 review

"Put this on" and she doesn't put it on. So then what's the point. FOR THE CHIVALRY, ZAL. THE CHIVALRY.

Oh, is this the episode they have sex?

Why would Belly know where Conrad's dorm is though?

Jeremiah didn't take the coffee you offered him but why does that mean you have to throw out your coffee too?

Ah, one Black/dark-skinned guy.

He is literally the best actor on the show so far and he's only here to be Conrad's roommate.

Exposition time: "He fell into a depression and was looking at your picture!" like who says that? If anything it would've been like, Ohhhhh you're Belly and that's it. Belly would be like "What's that supposed to mean?" and then you can be like "Nothing, nothing, just you know, it really fucked Conrad up when you two broke up." Like just make the dialogue a LITTLE natural??

THE INFINITY NECKLACE. Honestly, who cares.

"I know even though he won't say it" we don't NEED a voiceover here, oh my god, Scorsese can't be the only one who uses voiceovers properly.

How is it possible to care even less about Belly's brother and her mother when I care so little about Belly and this ridiculous triangle.

I skipped through this conversation because it's painful af.

I always find it rude when people turn on music in other people's cars lmao.

"Cause I'm always here if you ever need to talk." *suddenly starts talking* if it was that easy then why do this whole thing anyway.

At least Taylor is good at keeping up with Belly's lies but Belly why wouldn't you text Taylor the lie you said to your mom? Amateur shit man.

If you guys know each other so well wouldn't he know that you could do something like change a tire? And I'm not saying he has to know everything about her but they don't seem to know anything about each other.

The details on this show are horrendous.

Also a spare can only take you so far, you would still need to go to a mechanic to change the tire.

Belly, you were my best friend! WAS SHE?

This is the flattest argument. They're not even talking over each other, everything is SO contained.

If you hate yourself for forgetting him then I need more emotion. And he is STRUGGLING for a tear.

And she manages a tear when he's like you weren't there, you left me but her face is so flat, that's why I keep saying crying is about more than tears, like both of you should be DEVASTATED. At the VERY LEAST I should be getting Bellarke from these or from her and Conrad (ha, which I also said when watching Shadow and Bone)

I know it's supposed to have been like a while since the two of them have spoken but it doesn't feel that way so their resolution happens SO quickly i'm like why even there be a "chasm" in the first place.

How are Bella and Jacob better than this?

Wait, how did they get their tire fixed?

Everyone is so bad at trying to act natural around each other.

"You always could read my mind" I MEAN COULD HE?

Just because you guys say it doesn't mean we SEE it.

Belly! omg Nicole! Everything sounds SO fake.

Why wouldn't you grab something from like a gas station on the way? You're just going to hope for Oreos? Also Conrad you had to drive four hours from Brown to wherever she lives you didn't pick up supplies on the way?

*gasp* hot cocoa! "amazing!" i mean,, is it?

again conrad/belly are supposed to be matt and julie on the couch

or they're supposed to be ryan and marissa by the pool

or jake and peyton just being themselves

and there's just such a coldness to them. and i know he's doing that whole focus on her because he's suddenly serious and intense and it's NOT PLATONIC but it doesn't work when you don't have chemistry and are only capable of one facial expression.

of course a taylor swift song is playing.

they're trying SO HARD to be happy, like jeyton has great chemistry but i remember that one scene when they're in savannah and hilarie just overacts

and that's what it is watching belly all the time while conrad is just standing around being jughead or jon looking at daenerys, i just i can't. i caaaaaaaan't.

and i've just seen too many play fights

and the love scene, the lighting is doing the work and so is desiree because that's the song they use in leo dicaprio's romeo + juliet and also it's a clear call back pjo's love scene

but as much as i have issues with pjo's narrative so much about this is earned because there are callbacks, like i know i don't know the whole context of this show and of this ship but it seems like the only thing is the necklace whereas joey calls back to the time when pacey is like i'm going to count to ten and then i'm going to start kissing you etc. and brings it up IN dialogue then she whispers before the kiss, "my love" and belly's just here being like "no i know, no i want to" your voice should be different, it shouldn't just be like a regular conversation, like neither of you have conviction in your voices

"what is she doing here?" are you torn are you mad or are you just saying the line, sir?

oh good, it's over.

[chaifootsteps]

I don’t know if it’s me, but I just think Octavia is going to be an unintentional tragic character if anything that later half of season two suggests.

I remember asking myself two days before the latest episode aired, “wouldn’t Stella know that everything would go to Via?” Then low and behold her brother has to point that out to her. Then starts scheming to manipulate Via because they think she’s a gateway to getting the riches.

Like, the thing that majorly ticks me off is wouldn’t Stella know that? She’s been raising her with Stolas. Why does need to be told this if initially this arranged marriage also included a precautionary heir. There is nothing to say she wouldn’t know that.

Back to Via, her parents—well mostly Stella—but that could because Viv doesn’t want her interacting with her own daughter until they need to for Stolas reasons—refers to her as an “egg” and seemingly forgets she’s Stolas’ heir should he die. Meanwhile as Stolas is making his points, he calls Octavia “that girl” which is…I get they wanted to prove that he may not want to become like his father and wanted to give her a happy childhood, but dude why can’t you say daughter? I don’t know if Viv wants to even commit to this precautionary heir stuff because half the time they keep making Via repeat the same arc which eventually go on three times now.

Like, one of the reasons why parents who may not love each other would still want to stay for the kid which is real, and if they really wanted to commit to the precautionary heir stuff, maybe make Stella want to ask where the Grimoire is and needing to feel like “we have to keep this deal that we both don’t want to do, but our society has rules we must play apart of” and Stolas being torn with wanting to give Via a happy childhood but also knowing that the deal still exists so that just starts the further deterioration of the marriage between him and Stella. Maybe if in the S2 E1 flashbacks it could slowly show him becoming more withdrawn from them if they say he’s tired of it. The ideas from the first episode can work, but it focuses too much on retconning Stolas and Blitz characters that it should’ve focused on how his relationship with Stella deteriorated because neither of them want to be here and would play more into the nobility of the Goetia if that is slowly taking the driving force for the family.

If Via feels guilty of her birth, it could make become more isolated and depressed. The kid would feel guilt if they were the active cause of the pain if that is what the writers are attempting to imply but only loosely using the pieces that there and trying to spin it by making us feel more sad for the Dad than the daughter who is scared of being abandoned, thinking she isn’t wanted and apparently planning to guilt trip her even more.

I am with in being scared of them possibly turning the audience against Via instead of sympathizing with her. People either already understand where Stolas is coming from in S2 E2, which is fair, we don’t want invalidate victims of spousal abuse, but if they do it a third time then the writers run the risk of making the audience think Via is selfish or something. Or probably those who would blame Stella more whichever comes first.

Sorry for the ramble.

Nah, rambles are always welcome, we love rambles around here. And this was a great one!

Stolas, Stella, and Octavia are frustrating because all three are in an immensely shitty situation put together by forces outside of their control. None of them are handling it well, but Via's got the excuse of being a child caught between two deeply unhappy parents. There's so much potential there, so much to explore, and Vivzie and Brandon won't because that would involve holding Stolas accountable for literally any wrongdoing. It would involve letting Via be the bigger victim here, and we can't have that, can we?

[catgirlxox]

Hello! I love your takes on Ben! He's also one of my favorite characters and has been since I was little. Unfortunately my parents thought the shows were too scary for me at the time, (I was probably like 5-10 and I had anxiety issues and other problems) so they tried to discourage me from watching but I would watch the show. I would often watch it in secret.

However, I got a bit of a mystery on my hands and I was wondering if you knew of any episode in Alien Force or Ultimate Alien that may have caused this.

In the middle of watching Alien Force and/or Ultimate Alien something I suddenly grew a very huge disliking for Ben 10 and I came out of it specifically hating Kevin. And heavily disliking Ben and Gwen.

Now I do remember very much loving Ben as a character so I thought this was odd. The adversion was so bad that I refused to participate in anything Ben 10 related even when Omniverse came out and my sister had to practically beg me to watch it.

I have been slowly getting through Alien Force now and haven't quite got to Ultimate Alien yet. I am much less picky than when I was 10 and younger so while I much prefer OG and Omniverse, I still do enjoy Alien Force Ben, even if the first episode of season 3 or so really tried to make me hate his guts. Issue is I still can't figure out what caused me to hate Ben 10 so much when I was younger.

Grant it, I recognize that the discouragement of my parents may have had something to do with it but I don't think it was entirely that. And since I really liked Ben I was wondering if there were any episodes where Ben is written not as well as usual and Kevin just kind of sucks that would appear really bad to a 10 year old or younger? Because so far I'm getting nothing and it's nagging at me but I think that's just because I'm older now and not so easily swayed by little problematic things characters may do sometimes.

I love these characters now and will still love them even if AF isn't quite my favorite version of Ben 10 and it's been quite a fun watch so I'm very sad I didn't get to enjoy this when I was younger.

Sorry if this is odd I'm just really trying to figure out what happened and I figured a fellow Ben lover might be able to give some insight.

wow, proof that Ben 10 is hated for no reason? what did I tell u fandom

No seriously, I thought about this for a while, but the fact that it bothers you to feel that way is a good sign, actually, because you realize there’s something not right about that. You love these characters. That doesn’t have to mean that you agree with them all the time or have to unapologetically forgive everything they do because they’re special to you like I do. But despite their flaws, you love these characters. You don’t want to believe there’s any good reason to hate them. 

Before I continue, I have to put this out there. I hold myself back from being a huge bitch about it, but this kind of thing has been happening in the fanbase for years. Not just because of one popular user or creator, but because the way that being popular in itself is enough to persuade the majority to believe what is being said is correct, accept that it is undeniably correct, and worth going around repeating. Victims of the fandom repeating the same take over and over until it gets ingrained in everyone’s brain syndrome. And then majority rules, even if it shouldn’t. 

Which is depressing, because a lot of the fanbase who does repeat these takes are clearly impressionable. Which means they’re often younger. If you’re active in internet fandoms, this is practically inescapable. 

The Ben being a bad boyfriend argument is a great example that I’ve beaten to death at this point. Do you know how many times I’ve come across people who liked him as a character, even had a crush on him, and still believed this was true? Didn’t question it? Didn’t take a look at the circumstances which painted him in a negative light undeservingly? Didn’t recognize that the series literally had him try to resolve those conflicts and make things right, which would ultimately point to meaning he isn’t nearly as bad as they say? 

To answer your specific question at the end there, I wouldn’t say Ben has ever done anything so horrible it was beyond understanding or logical explanation. This is because, in Ben 10 especially, conflicts are presented in order to be resolved. Not for chaos's sake, but in order to learn from them. Or, in order to cement the same lesson time and time again as a running theme of the show. In order to have several instances as proof of that lesson, not to make it seem as though the titular character is so stupid he forgets what he’s learned. It is much stronger proof, I think, to have several instances of a recurring behaviour pattern than only one lesson learned one time. This actually establishes consistency in characters. Whether they’re consistently problem solvers, consistently confused by customs foreign to their own, or even consistently abusive and toxic, just to name a few. 

I don’t analyze them often, but Gwen and Kevin were kind of inconsistent during those arcs, too. It’s not just Ben to some extreme degree. I can make less sense of Gwen and Kevin trashing Ben's boyfriend skills than I can of Ben’s “overconfident” attitude or him getting so serious about his responsibilities that he considers taking down threats permanently. I guess watching characters who should otherwise be able to understand being forced to villainize another character even when it doesn't make sense can cause them to come off unlikable.

There was a tonal shift during Alien Force’s season three and Ultimate Alien. I won’t deny that. That did have an impact on the characters. But that being said, I wouldn’t say it ruined the characters. 

If there is any reason for what you might have felt, besides real life factors, perhaps it was a mix of the slight changes in creative direction behind the scenes and negative fan feedback that affected your viewpoint subconsciously. Being younger and more impressionable can have that effect, even if you don’t realize it.

I hope I offered some new perspectives. Thanks for reading my blog <3

[juniperhillpatient]

City of Walls & Secrets Re-Watch

Oh wow, this episode, ok. I was mainly focused on Jet & Zuko (again oops) during this episode. But, that's not to say the rest of the episode wasn't interesting, because it absolutely was. I loved the opening scene with the Gaang seeing the city, & Sokka & Katara's excitement was cute. I can't imagine what it would be like to live in a tiny village where everyone knows each other & then see a big bustling city like that.

Joo Dee is right away so terrifying. Sorry Ozai, but you've got nothing on this chick. She is the stuff of nightmares to me.

It's the subtle, consistent creepiness for me. The feeling that something is not quite right. The way she shakes her head, smiling, at everyone that the Gaang tries to talk to & they shut their mouths. I love the underlying creepiness of Ba Sing Se. "Why do you keep all the poor people hidden & separate?" The dawning realization that there's something very wrong here. Also, Aang's continued lack of luck finding Appa is so depressing & I remember not being able to focus on much else because I was so worried about Appa the first time I watched.

I love Sokka & Aang pretending to be fancy rich people & goofing around. Sokka & Aang's bestie-ism moments where they're just being dorks are so precious. +100 iconic behavior points each. Another A+ comedy moment that gets me every time is everyone's confusion at the notion of just a regular old bear. Katara & Toph dressed all fancy was so cute, & I love Toph shutting down Katara responding to Aang's compliment like "don't speak to the commoners!" That moment just cracks me up. Katara gets +300 iconic behavior points for getting them into the party & +100 for making Toph's fake name "dung." And some people think Katara isn't funny!

Jet becoming increasingly obsessed with Zuko & Iroh is just so sad. What's important to note is that Jet was actually obsessed with Zuko before he found out that Zuko & Iroh are fire-benders. He wanted Zuko to join the Freedom Fighters because he felt a connection with him after they stole the food for the refugees together. He was following Zuko around & trying to convince Smellerbee & Longshot to give Zuko a chance & that's the only reason he was paying enough attention to see Iroh fire-bend. It's the betrayal & tragedy for me <3 Wow, I love a good ol' tragic fucked-up whirlwind love-hate romance dynamic.

And like - the thing is that Jet is right! He's more right than he even knows! Zuko & Iroh ARE fire-benders but not only that, they're Fire Nation royalty. Like not even just "yeah, they are fire-benders," no, they are literally both personally directly responsible for harm caused by the Fire Nation. Yet everyone around him treats him like he's crazy. Even his closest friends think he's becoming too obsessed. And it's understandable. Smellerbee & Longshot both want Jet to move on for his own good. They want to move on with their lives & stop obsessing over vengeance, & the Fire Nation. They want a new life, but Jet is still stuck in his obsessive hate. And like.....the thing is, the thing that gets me, Jet is not wrong to be stuck? The more I think about it, the more right he is. As we know, Zuko eventually personally helps the Fire Nation conquer Ba Sing Se. Like??? Hello??? Jet was literally 100% right to be obsessed & concerned.

Anyway. Jet & Zuko obviously both get +1000 iconic behavior points for having a dramatic gay sword fight in a teashop. I'm losing track of who's winning, but they might be at this point. Katara's also doing pretty good. Anyway, I will never get over Jet attacking Zuko to try & force him to fire-bend. It's dramatic, it's hilarious, it's tragic, & it's a great fight scene. They really do have the range. I absolutely love Zuko popping out with his dual swords like - "I'll give you a show!" Dramatic fucking king, I love you so much Zuzu. Also, can we just like, acknowledge that Zuko apparently had his swords on him while waiting tables? Good for him.

The end of this episode is pretty chilling. Jet getting arrested is just a rough scene. And the introduction to the creepy brainwashing that happens? Terrifying.

When the new Joo Dee shows up & she smiles creepily & says "I am Joo Dee"? Eugh. Chills, every time.

This is a great episode. Very creepy & foreboding. I love the introduction to Ba Sing Se. I just love a setting where Something is Wrong.

[queen-of-darkness001]

Trigger warning ⚠️

Hey fellows,

I'm fucked up seriously writing this and sobbing feeling clueless about everything

I'm taking therapy for approximately 2 years and half and was diagnosed w bpd

And i was happy knowing what im goin through, like finally i have justifications and interpretations of each behavior I've always had, i read a lot, and even write a lot about this mental illness to transmit awareness to others. But what about me? I literally get obsessed with my dreams and it's not recent it was like this since my childhood, like i do escape into them even if they were bad, i turned every kind of nightmare into a short story and started publishing part of them after my blog was launched.

I encountered many distresses in my childhood , wished them to be triumphed

But they didn't they just became accumulated and caused me to be involuntary melancholic... i went to therapy because i tried hard w myself but i couldn't always find solutions for my case individually, i had anger issues , panic disorder, anxiety disorder, depressive episodes and manic episodes which are inclined to make me extremely crazy, like a balloon you whiff inside and the air blown makes it bigger and bigger until it explodes, then i feel nothing and deteriorate mentally and physically just going through dissociation, get obsessed with my dreams instead of living in reality... so once i thought that these means are just temporary and i need an expert to fix that disfunctioning machine , i went to a psychiatrist to help me out of this zone, i was literally loving people in an aggressive way instead of expressing love appropriately i just fuck it up ... I'm a writer and i wrote most of times for myself , also an artist and i did express myself a lot but for people it was rare because i was ashamed of the pain I'm carrying,  used to hide it thinking i might be a burden or pain might be underestimated by others. After a while i decided to choose being seen like enough is enough this creativity is fuckin getting outI started to write because i like it... and paint to express myself to people and to myself either. That helped me quite good through my sessions as well

And made me more honest and less ashamed of myself likewise,  my pain can be seen.

But here we go again after a time of self love and awareness here we go extreme either up or down and suffer into both processes... seeking help without uttering a word ... at the same time they get out of my mouth because i can't hold them anymore, instead of a person who's passionate i turn into a beast looping in a labyrinth its ending is foggy and can't be accessed. I have a husband, that already makes me happy and I'm very grateful, speaking of this I'm a very giving person and because of therapy and my efforts i just became more giving and caring

But most of times im being taken by others as a lazy person they can't get it that im fuckin tired and i cant manage it... i take meds and attend sessions and doing my best but my 100% is often seen as 1% by ambience people.

My mom and my husband are very helpful God bless them but whenever i look at them having other priorities to do aside of helping me at home or whatever i feel extremely guilty and i hate myself the double .

I wish i could do more but this is my capacity. I act within it.

I try to be productive, helpful and a giver but i fail sometimes too. Most likely not comparable with anyone else because a mental disorder isn't as simple as they think

I pass through 3 different phases daily

And i feel everything or feel nothing amongst them

I feel lost despite i know what i want

I feel sometimes that i wanna separate from all people and isolate myself

Im paranoid most of times that they might die or abandon me despite they're loyal and trustworthy

It's just me

I'm always triggered I'm always concerning about details my brain feels like a battlefield without a single exaggeration. I prone to explain a lot sometimes it helps and sometimes it makes me creepy and intimidating for others. Yes honesty sometimes is a curse

I'm honest about fragility but im a beast if someone tried to turn it against me not to work on it. Eventually im trying my best idk who's reading, who's interested but i just spelled all my thoughts here rn which are just a sample of what i actually encounter everyday. I wish i could rest.

I wish i could wash away my pain .

But all ik , all the positivity i get from here -is that i decreased the anger issues, am -being aware about myself and telling people about it even if my hands were shaking meanwhile narrating details that might be seen as shame

- defending myself despite i hate myself sometimes

- i stopped cutting and preferred smoking over it as a less dangerous self harm

- im good to my husband and family and even strangers who need my help

- im focused on writing and painting

- i give myself time to rest even though ig might extend but i always try to reach to a settlement with my husband to make him less burdened

- i find solutions meanwhile problems instead of just arguing and reaching no point

- i became so domestic and that causes me less anxiety because i hate going out usually. Doesn't change the fact that i love going out too with a safe company like my husband

- i was yearning if i would be a bad mother one day but with this amount of love and care i can give limitless support and provide my kid with joy at any cost

- whenever i do sth wrong recklessly i try to set boundaries and correct myself i even sometimes control myself not to do these stuff before they happen.

Had to vent because im off today and been worse since i had spasms and lost my ability to move my extremities for a while... now im good but feels like my first time in a gym and my muscles hurt af

...and in closure, i usually need confirmation from people about myself and a lot of praises

But im working on this now and trying to be neutral as never been before .

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 12 - The Depression pt 2. Episode 3.

------Andy's point of view-----

Andy: *I got up quickly as Congo's question fell. I walked to Evans bike and slowly picked it up, taking a quick look, but it was hard too see much in the darkness.* It looks fine… few scratches. But nothing I can't fix up *I smiled softly at both Congo and Evan.*

Congo: *He smiled softly back at me* Alright, you take Evan to the truck, and I will throw that sad thing up on the back of it *he pointed at the bike*

Andy: *I didn't disagree and let go of the bike as soon as Congo grabbed it, quickly making the few meters to Evan and reached a hand for him' Here, I'll help you up.

Evan: *He smiled somewhat apologizing and grabbed on to my hand, grunting lightly from pain as I dragged him up from the ground* Thank you.

Andy: *I chuckled hoarse* I'm not done with you! *Before he knew what was coming, I scooped one arm around his back, and one behind his thighs, lifting him up in my arms, Princess style and grinned at him cheekily* No way I will let you walk to the truck!

Evan: *He shook his head, but it was easy to see he was too tired to protest. He just leaned his head against my shoulder and let me carry him all the way to the truck*

Andy: *All the way home in the truck, he leaned his head on my shoulder, at a point I think he even managed to doze off. But as soon as we drove into the garage, he opened his eyes and stated protesting my intentions of carrying him again. I gave up one that debate, mostly cause Congo needed help getting the bike off the tuck again. Once Congo and I were done, I kissed him goodnight and agreed with him it was better I went to check on Evan instead of following Congo to bed, as I would do most nights. I went to the tv room first, but as the only sign of him was his muddy clothes on the floor, I quickly found my way to the bathroom. He had made himself a bath, and was soaking in the warm water. I undressed slowly.* Can I join you?

Evan: *He smiled softly* No. I prefer you just stand there and look pretty.

Andy: *I laughed loudly* Oh so sassy!

Evan: Yeah, who would have known you were contagious?

Andy: *I laughed again and was about to sink into the water as he pointed at the sink*

Evan: Andy… please grab my phone. There's something I wanna show you.

Andy: *I looked at him questioning, grabbed the phone and handed it to him, then let myself slowly sink into the warm water, sitting opposite him, facing him with a soft smile* So what is it you want to show me? Dick pics?

Evan: *Somewhat blushed*

Andy: *My voice came out way more exited than intended* It IS dick pics, isn't it?

Evan: Uh… in some ways, yeah…

Andy: Can't say I didn't become very eager at this point… and so did my rising boner.

Evan: I uh…. Gaby and I bumped into each other tonight… uh… I don't know if you remember that night in February where we were at that cemetery?

Andy: *I thought to myself how the fuck could I forget that?! It was night, it was foggy, it was quite mild in the weather for February, only a bit chilly. We were drunk, and suddenly a devil had flown into Evan, not literally, I'm just painting a picture here… And he ended up fucking my brains out, right there on the dirty ground of the cemetery. And sorta also against some old grave stones… and would I be really horrible if I said on top of one as well? Fuck that shit was fucking hot! I bit my lips just by the thought of it. Feeling my temperature rise.*

Evan: Andy?

Andy: *Maybe the hottest thing was in fact that when we were done, and we headed out of the cemetery, we had bumped into Gaby and George, they were out for a night stroll…. and it was clear to see in their sneaky facial expressions that they had not only heard us, but damn well also seen us. Would I be really bad if I told you it had only turned me on even more?*

Evan: ANDY! I'm talking to you!

Andy: *I chuckled hoarse* Sorry. Yeah, I do remember… of course *I smiled cheekily at him and once again bit my lip*

Evan: *He blushed lightly and looked at his phone* Gaby…. she uh… she told me that uh… that she took some pics of us that night…. you know… us uh…. *he blushed even more*

Andy: She did what?!?! *My level of excitement made several litres of what splash over the edge of the tub and down on the floor as I tried to grab the phone, almost drowning both the phone, Evan and I in the process*

Evan: Hey hey! Careful now! And let me finish please!

Andy: *I sighed deeply* Alright alright…

Evan: *He shook his head* Anyway… I was having a talk with Gaby, about you and me… my parents… and about uh… you know *he blushed bright red and I can't say I didn't enjoy being able to make him blush like this*

Andy: Us having sex?

Evan: Yeah *he nodded softly*

Andy: Gay sex…

Evan: Shut up will you?! *He aggressively splashed water at me, and I couldn't help but laugh loudly* I'm not gonna tell you if you don't pull yourself together now! *It's safe to say I shut up right there, and as he frowned I couldn't help but feel proud he finally seemed to open up to someone.* So… I talked with Gaby, about you and I…. having sex… and how I like when you sometimes… you know… touch me there…. and when you… *he cleared his throat and fumbled nervous with his phone* When you… use your finger inside me.

Andy: *I knew where he was going, but hearing him say it out loud drove me insane. We had only done that a few times by now, but as far as I had understood, he had liked it every time. I nodded softly* Go on please…

Evan: *He smiled shyly and cleared his throat once again* I uh… started telling her about how I the first time you did that to me… you know, on the vacation with you and Congo… at the beach house… in the end of February… *Oh god yes, I knew what he meant, and couldn't help but bite my lips again* I liked it… don't get me wrong… but it was still early in our relationship… and I was still sorta scared you would change your mind about me…. That I wouldn't be enough for you or… I don#t know… it seems stupid now after my talk with her. But I was sorta afraid you would come to your senses and figure you didn't love me anyway…. or something like that. *He looked at me in an apologizing way* I'm sorry I doubted you… it was not really your fault, I was just very insecure. Well I still am with some things… this is still new for…

Andy: Evan… I know. Don't apologize, please *I smiled softly* Don't worry about it okay? Just go on… please.

Evan: *He sighed softly* Well, she assured me I didn't have anything to be worried about back then. Cause she had already known way before our trip that our love was already… and this was her words… blossoming strongly *he chuckled softly and shook his head* Yeah, that was her words. Anyway… she said she had proof. And when I asked her what proof she was talking about, she made me swear I wouldn't get angry. And then…. uhm… she showed me the pics she had taken that night…. in the cemetery. She had later transferred them from her camera to her phone, in case she would need them as proof one day. *He cleared his throat again and dried a bit of sweat of his forehead before continuing* Uh… she said that although most of the pictures were just plain fucking… in various positions, it was clear towards the end that it was more than basic needs. We had gotten closer, and at the end started embracing each other during the sex act. And afterwards, we had not only been kissing for at least 15 minutes, but also gotten more and more loving and cuddling towards each other. And as Gaby said… the love was unmistakeably surrounding the cemetery.

Andy: *I kept starring at him for a while, not knowing whether to cry or hump him. I was just so overwhelmed by the whole damn thing. But in a good way. A very good way.*

Evan: *He smiled shyly and handed me the phone* If you want to have a look?

Andy: Fuck yeah! *I grabbed the phone eagerly* I thought you would never ask! *A few minutes later I had gone through the pictures twice. And if I didn't know better, I would say that Gaby was the new chief photographer at a porn magazine. Cause man those pics were not only explicit, but also some of the hottest I had ever seen! But she was right. The last few of them, was Evan and I… deeply in love. It was written all over our bodies and faces. So tender. So much love. All the way back in the beginning of February. I couldn't believe it. Well, I knew already then that I was deeply in love with him. Heck I knew that already in December! But that he was that much in love with me already? I didn't have any words for it. So I did the only thing my mind could come up with, except me once again crying like the little bitch I am…. I let his phone fall to the floor, safely landing on a soft dry towel. Grabbed his wrists and pulled both of us out of the bath tub. And before he could get to say a word, I grabbed his ass, lifted him up against the bathroom wall, pinned his back against it, kissing him greedy as I got a better grip on him. Then I carried him to bed, sitting on my hips with his legs around me, kissing him wildly, as if I wanted to devour him. Threw him on the bed, and crawled on top of him, twirling my wet fingers over his hole, making him relax as he moaned in my mouth. And then, just as I let one of my fingers slide inside him, he came with a loud moan. Damn that was some good pictures!!!*