#what do you mean they're not gonna come back until FEBRUARY?????

[capt-sievert]

What in the mouthwashing is happening in space

[dimonds456]

Okay so I just had this REALLY vivid dream and I need to write it down before I forget

Basically, it starts with Stan knocking on Ford's door, and he does the "HAVE YOU COME TO STEAL MY EYES???" thing. Once Ford realizes it's Stan, he drags him into the house and checks his eyes. From there, Stan's like "hey uhh?? Explanation?? You look like shit btw" and Ford's just like "that's not important so long as I have full functionality over my body" and then he tripped over fucking nothing.

So Stan squints at him like "....when was the last time you slept?" and Ford genuinely thinks about it for a minute and then goes "Iiii don't know. But that doesn't matter, I need to show you something." Cuts to the basement.

Ford asks Stan to take his journal, phrasing it the same way as the show. Stan starts to get rightfully angry, asking what the fucking book as to do with ANYTHING. Also that doesn't explain why he's refusing to take a goddamn nap. Ford shakes his head, insisting that NO THIS IS IMPORTANT PLEASE. Stan, sensing that this is bigger than he's seeing, agrees to take the book, but only once he finally leaves the house.

Ford's like "what does that mean" and Stan's like "bro it's the middle of February and your heat isn't running. You are refusing to sleep. You look like shit. I don't know what the FUCK is going on and I'm not leaving until I'm sure that you're okay, okay?" Ford freaks out, insisting that he can't stay here because it's too dangerous, and hardened-streetboy Stan just rolls his eyes like "dude I've been shot AND stabbed before, whatever it is I can handle it."

Ford keeps trying to put his foot down, and it starts to escalate into an argument, until Ford yells "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE?!" and Stan yells back "BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU, DAMMIT"

This makes Ford pause. He looks down, shivering, and agrees to go back upstairs and try to explain this, but Stan can only stay here for a little while. It's too dangerous. Maybe... maybe he can come back once the book is hidden? Stan nods, saying he'll do that, but again, after he makes sure Ford is able to take care of himself.

As they go back upstairs, Ford keeps anxiously checking the windows and doors to the point of compulsion (i hc he has OCD, and this whole situation 1000% made it worse). Stan asks if he's looking for someone, and Ford says yes...? Maybe? He's not sure WHAT to look for, only that there's something coming. He's lost track of the exact time, but it should be soon.

They start another conversation where Stan tries to figure out what the fuck is happening to his brother and Ford refuses to let him in, just trying to appreciate his company instead, but Stan's not making it easy because he keeps prying. It builds to another argument, where Ford insists he'll tell Stan everything once he takes the book and hides it somewhere no one will ever find it. Stan offers to burn it instead, and Ford shouts NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. So we're back to talking in circles

While this argument is happening, black ooze starts to drip from one of the mirrors in the house. Neither brother notices, though, allowing the goop to grow more and more, until eventually, it starts moving towards them. Once it's just outside the door to the room they're in, it pauses, waiting a moment.

"If you're never gonna see this thing again, then what does it MATTER if it's still intact or not?"

"Because that's my life's work, Stanley! I can't just destroy it!"

"But you don't want anyone to ever see it again, right? So what's the point? You didn't even want me to tell YOU where I was gonna bury it!"

"That's not- RRR" Ford grabs at his hair and slams his eyes shut in frustration.

The goop attacks. It shoots forward, slamming into Ford and forming into a creature mid-air, something resembling the Hide Behind with with a more goblin-like face. It slams Ford to the floor with a laugh, and starts clawing at his eyes. "TIME'S UP!" it shouts.

Stan initially jumps back in surprise, but it only takes a moment before he's jumping in, too, trying to get this thing off of his brother. The Eye Stealer barely reacts, though, and keeps clawing at Ford's face. Stan launches himself full-body into the thing, throwing it off of Ford, who grabs at his left eye- or left eye socket, as it were.

The Eye Stealer holds up the stolen eye, and tells Stan that it won't hesitate to take his eyes, too. Stan yells at the thing to "COME AND GET EM" before throwing himself at it. Ford's screaming at him to run, and Stan watches as he gets to his feet. The Eye Stealer looks back at Ford, moving to lunge at him again, before Stan picks up the nearest object and hurls it at the creature. "You want both our eyes? Come and get me, dumbass!"

Then Stan runs out of the house. Ford's holding his head in pain and clearly isn't moving anywhere fast soon, so the Eye Stealer decides to follow Stan. If he can get both of them down to one eye, then all four are as good as his.

Stan runs out to his car and flings open the door. There, in the back seat, is the bat he had before. He grabs it, then waits for the Stealer to get right behind him before swinging it at the creature's head as fast as possible. Then he runs back inside while the creature is recovering.

"WHAT IS THAT THING??" he yells as he finds Ford again. Ford is trying to get up the stairs to find somewhere to hide, and Stan helps by grabbing his hand and dragging him up there faster.

"I don't know," Ford replies. "I was just told he was going to steal my eyes. I don't know anything else about him!"

Stan blanches. "Who the FUCK told you that?!"

Ford gets a dark look. "A monster."

Stan opens his mouth to ask more questions before the Eye Stealer comes up behind them. Stan takes a swing with the bat, missing it, but hitting a mirror instead. The Eye Stealer gasps, looking towards it, then tells Stan to watch it. Stan grins.

"What, you some kinda mirror monster? Well then, how about I go shatter every mirror in the house?"

"You think I'd let you?"

"Try me."

Attention once again on Stan, the Eye Stealer runs off to chase him while Ford tries to figure out something to do. His mind is sludge, though, from the sleep deprivation, and every few moments, he gets hallucinations of things just outside his peripheral and always jumps from it. His anxiety is through the roof, making it hard to focus.

Stan has been running through the house smashing every mirror he can, all while the Eye Stealer chases him. Stan is tired, and hungry, and desperate, but he's in a better physical state than Ford, so he's able to better hold his own- but not enough. Right before he's about to break the last mirror- the one the monster came through- it grabs his jacket and drags him back down to the floor. Stan swings again, but this time, the Stealer grabs the bat and hurls it away. It starts to claw at Stan's eyes this time.

Hearing Stan's screams from downstairs, Ford grabs one of the prisms that's laying around the place. He stumbles down there and initially aims to hurt the monster, but instead, he throws it so it cracks the last mirror. The monster wails, stumbling back, allowing Stan to get to his feet. The Stealer realizes that he's fucked if he stays here, so he moves towards the mirror.

"This isn't over. I have a quota. Bill was very insistent I complete my mission. I'll be back for you- BOTH of you." Then he went through the mirror, which Ford shatters as soon as it's gone.

Ford's down an eye and they're both pretty badly hurt, but they made it.

From there I think I woke up but that was my dream that I wanna make into a fic now, lol

[beanghostprincess]

Usopp has never celebrated Valentine's Day. And it's not that he hasn't had the chance, because he has. In fact, Kaya was always the one saying they should be doing something together, even as friends. But... But Usopp has never liked it? He knows saying that out loud would cause a world war inside the crew because he's aware of how beloved the day is for some of them. But it's just... Isn't it dumb? He thinks it's basically just another way capitalism and big corporations have of taking people's money. If you truly love somebody, you show it every day, not just on a random day in February. Besides, his mom always seemed a bit sad and lonely this time of the year, and Usopp never liked thinking about his parents this way.

But Sanji? Sanji adores it. It's a day of joy and love and he has an excuse to give Nami and Robin flowers and chocolate without being seen as weird. It's still weird but, you know, less weird because now there's a reason behind his actions and they're always just a bit softer on this day. Sanji himself is way softer. He gives Luffy more meat and barely argues with mosshead, and if somebody asks? It's just a day for love. He cannot be bothered to be angry today. His mom loved February 14th. It was one of her favorite days because she kept saying she celebrated all kinds of love, not only the romantic ones. Sanji was always excited to see her at the hospital on those days.

So when they start dating and February comes... They have different reactions to it. It's- It's a bit hard to handle at first.

The sniper realizes it's Valentine's Day right when he wakes up, and he kind of sort of wants to die because he hasn't gotten anything for Sanji and he knows how much this day means to him. Usopp just never thinks about it or remembers until Sanji explicitly screams about it. He blames Nami for not reminding him either. Not that it's her responsibility, but the girl could've helped. Whatever- He's not panicking. He's not. It's a dumb, stupid holiday and there's no need to do anything. He doesn't owe Sanji a Valentine's Day because it's dumb.

Besides. They barely started dating. And Sanji only ever gets gifts to the girls. There's zero chance he's gonna prepare something for Usopp.

Or so he thinks. Because the second he wakes up, there's a box right next to his bunk bed and he knows he's fucked. He doesn't want to open it. He truly doesn't. But if course he does. It's a beret. One he fell in love with a long time ago. Back when they weren't even dating. Back when even the possibility of dating Sanji was just a faint dream. So he- He doesn't even want to ask how the hell Sanji got this or when, but there's so much guilt inside of him that Usopp doesn't want to get out of bed.

But he has to, doesn't he? So he does. And he hates himself a little too much during the whole day. Sanji kisses him oh so sweetly. The pet names are over the charts. The guy won't stop speaking in French, which he knows makes Usopp weak in the knees. He cooks his favorite meals, and aside from the beret, he gives him a bunch of flowers he says he has been growing himself in secret (oh lord, for a botanist that's peak romanticism). And Sanji hasn't even paid much attention to anybody else. Not even the girls. It's as if only Usopp existed. And the thing is-- Usopp is expecting Sanji to throw a tantrum or get angry or be mad about Usopp not doing anything for him.

Sanji doesn't expect anything in return, apparently, and he doesn't seem that bothered about it. That's what ends up fucking up Usopp the most, in the end. Because he knows why Sanji is like that. He knows why Sanji doesn't care about it. He hates it.

He tries to approach the topic subtly:

Usopp: I... Hey, Sanji? Sanji: Yes, mon trésor? Usopp: I'm sorry for not getting you anything for today. It's just- You know Valentine's Day is not my thing and I sort of forgot- Sanji: That's alright. Do you think I'd reduce our relationship to only today? Usopp: No, of coruse not. But, just saying, that if you want to be angry, I don't mind. You have the right to want these romantic things. Sanji: As long as you like what I have planned for you, that's all the gifts I need.

But it doesn't sit right with Usopp. The fact that Sanji never thinks about himself this way and yet keeps showering him with love and gifts instead. So he waits until nighttime because he knows it's Sanji's turn to watch the ship and he knows he'll probably be in the kitchen more often than not. It's not much, but he thinks about something he can do for Sanji.

Everybody is asleep when Sanji finds a letter, a notebook, and flowers on the dining table. While Usopp watches his whole reaction from the door, hoping not to get caught. It's a stupid, overly romantic letter that Usopp has written in no time because whenever he thinks about Sanji, the words just come out of him easily, like a story he never wants to stop telling. The notebook is basically just his sketchbook, and it isn't a gift because it wasn't planned to be one, but it is all the drawings he has made of Sanji over the time they've been together, and Usopp thinks that's way better than just any letter. Meanwhile, the flowers are just the most peaceful and beautiful ones of his garden. The ones he uses more for scents rather than explosives.

It's not the best gift he could've made. It really isn't. But he thinks it's enough to show Sanji that he deserves these things too. He doesn't want his boyfriend to spend any other Valentine's Day assuming he won't be getting any form of love from Usopp.

What the sniper isn't expecting is Sanji to start sobbing all of a sudden. That's when Usopp realizes he needs to step into the kitchen. He's panicking a little while Sanji cries, sitting right next to him and holding his wet cheeks in his hands to check if he's alright. Maybe he has truly fucked up with the gift? Maybe he didn't like it? Perhaps he shouldn't have gotten involved. Fuck. Fuck.

But... But Sanji starts laughing? For some reason? He laughs between tears and grabs Usopp's hands in his and kisses them, holding him close.

Sanji: I'm sorry. Shit. I hate it when I get like this. I'm sorry. I'll stop. Usopp: What? No- No, Sanji. What's wrong? Did you not like it- Sanji: Huh? How could I not like it, dumbass? I'm crying because it's the sweetest, sappiest most romantic thing somebody has made for me and it's from the love of my life. How could I not- Idiot. Shut up. Usopp: I'm... The love of your life? Sanji: Did I not make it clear today? Usopp: Then you... You like it? Sanji: Idiot. Yes. I do. Usopp: Well, then expect all of our Valentine's Days to be like this from now on and forever, because your fantastic boyfriend Usopp will be known as the king of Valentine- Sanji: Dear, I know you love doing that. And I adore it. But the king of Valentine's Day is me and I'm not letting you have the title. Usopp: But we're together. Then that means we're both kings. Sanji: We would if we were married. Usopp: Then... We should- Sanji: Stop right there. Usopp: Huh? Why can't you let me be romantic?! Sanji: ... If you say it I don't think I'll be able to handle it- Usopp: Oh, shit, you want to marry me for real? Sanji: Yes? No- Not yet. Someday. I- Please, don't make me cry again.

Usopp truly can't wait for the next Valentine's Day with him.

[satanlikesmyfics]

House of Balloons

a rather short fic inspired by the song 'House Of Balloons' by the weeknd, modern au

ellie x stalker!reader

an: HEAVILY inspired by a post by @elliezlils11utt

contains: drink spiking, stalker behavior

words: 850

you enter your room, locking the door behind you. you live alone, across from ellie williams. since she had noticed ellie and started watching her, she had been on another level. through your window you can see her taking out the trash and throwing it in the bin. you fantasize about her pulling your hair and grabbing you that way...

you grab your diary and write your entry about what ellie does in her daily life, gathering information and her routine to make her like you more when you're finally able to gather the courage to go talk to her. with a black pen, you write in your unsteady handwriting:

'20:58, 19th of February 2024'

'ellie brings out the trash in a black sack, throws it in the green bin outside her house. tommorow is trash day, so she perfectly timed it, like the perfect ellie she is.. after she went inside, she turned on purple leds in her room, turning off the rest or her lights. -> gets ready for bed at 21:00.'

since you've been watching and documentimg everything around her, it's like you finally have a purpose in life, since she came, no more pain. you're very very determined to talk to her soon, because tomorrow she goes for her weekly grocery shopping at the local store. you get your outfit and jewelry perfectly ready to impress.

*next morning*

you get up, get dressed and ready to go out. you make sure to brush your teeth untill they're perfectly white and spray some perfume on. you drive your bmw to the store approximately 15 minutes before ellie usually arrives. you go inside with your shopping cart and wait around the meat isle where ellie loves to buy her favorite chicken and eat it the same night, she loves chicken so much. while you pull out your phone, you hear a second cart roll behind you, towards the chicken. you whip around and there she is.

ellie.

finally you get so see her up close.. you have to remember to write down where her freckles are. you look into her eyes.. they're pale green and you notice a small scar on her right eyebrow.

"uhm.. do I know you? I can't recognize your face.."

"oh hahaha!! I'm uh.. your next door neighbor.. the blue house?"

you see her eyes light up as she remembers the house. she says she's never seen you before and you're fairly with inviting her over for dinner to 'get to know each other'. she agrees and you give her your phone number. she texts you a "hi!" and you favoritize it immediately. I mean.. it's fucking ellie??

later that night, as you finish packing up your groceries into the fridge and cabinet, you take a shower after your bit of time watching ellie. right when you get out, you hear the doorbell ring and groan in annoyance. you throw on your robe and head downstairs.

you open the door and.. oh shit.. oh fuck.. it's ellie. your face reddens immediately with embarassement. "oh uh.. I see you're a bit busy? should I come over another time or..?"

"no. well I mean, you can just wait down here, I won't be too long haha."

you hand her the tea already on the counter, you initially had made it for yourself. lucky enough, there was some ketamine by the counter you were gonna use to spike her drink. you just didn't expect to see her so soon. you sprinkle the powder into her drink and hope she doesn't notice.

"oh yeah.. sure I'll be waiting"

you practically run upstairs after leading her to the sofa and shutting the door. you get dressed in your Rory Gilmore sweater and some loose-ish jeans. while you run back downstairs though, you notice your diary about ellie lying open in the kitchen table and ellie standing in front of the door with her shoes on, with a blank stare towards the locked door.

"did you..?"

"yes. yes I fucking did. let me the fuck out. now."

you feel your whole personality switch.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Ellie."

she turns around, scared and confused.

"you're in my world now.."

she frantically tries to open the door by jamming at the door handle.

"no no ellie.. you can stay.. you can stay."

you look at her with sorry eyes, sorry for what she will have to experience now, as the price for looking through her things.

"it shouldn't have gone this way els.."

the nickname made her visibly shiver and you can feel her must wanting to cower into a ball on the floor. only her closest friends would call her that. but of course, you had picked up on that already.

"you shouldn't have been so nosy the first time over. god, the hopes I had for us. you disappoint me."

she feels the effects of the ketamine you gave her earlier just hitting at the right moment.

"oh sweet els.. whatever happens I hope you can remember that you belong to me."

"what..?"

"you belong to me."

[vro0m]

As usual I don't read your F1 post but as usual when I see a word coming often enough in my peripheral vision I get curious. What is Antonelli

Oh god. Okay. (Also why do you still follow my F1 account babe it's flooding your dash with posts you don't have an interest in 😭)

This is Antonelli

As you can tell he's a baby. He turned 18 like 5 seconds ago.

Anyway, he's gonna start F1 next year in Mercedes.

Why does it cause so much discourse that even you have to ask what's going on?

Somewhat long post :

So Mercedes has a free seat because 7 time world champion and overall GOAT of the sport Lewis Hamilton decided to leave for Ferrari in 2025. Now this caused an f1blr meltdown in February because no one saw it coming as he's been with them for over a decade and they've won so many world titles together and he spent the previous year saying he wouldn't leave, but since 2021 Mercedes hasn't been doing so good.

There was a lot of discussion as to who could join Mercedes next but the rumours rapidly pointed to Antonelli.

What's crazy is Antonelli is 1) very young 2) very inexperienced. Usually, drivers will do local competitions (F4) then F3 then F2 then maybe F1. If they are thought to be good enough for F1 while they are in F2 they tend to be hired as "reserve drivers" for F1 teams meaning they work closely with the team, train on the simulator, take part in test drives sometimes, overall learn the ropes, and if a driver is for some reason unable to take part in a race, they will replace him.

But Antonelli has only done F4, entirely bypassed F3, was brought into F2 this year and is now gonna join F1 after just one season there. He's not been a reserve driver. He's done his first session in a normal F1 race weekend alongside other F1 driver this weekend and it went like this : lap 1 he's the fastest of them all, lap 2 he crashes in a wall at high speed, end of his session.

So why choose him? Well Toto Wolff the Mercedes team principal has been very annoyed that he let another such very young very unprepared rookie slip his fingers ten years ago : current 3 time world champion, racing prodigy Max Verstappen. Max joined before he was even old enough to have a normal driving license. He too had skipped some steps to F1 although not as many as Antonelli. And although he had a bit of a rocky first few season clearly due to his inexperience, he turned out to be one of the best drivers we have ever seen so far. Some have the feeling that Toto Wolff is trying to forcefully recreate the phenomenon. Even though Max Verstappen is a clear outlier, an exception to the rule rather than an example that bringing young drivers in very fast is a good idea.

Note that Antonelli is said to be extremely talented and that's also why he's been fasttracked to F1 this way. BUT he's underprepared, again very young and facing a huge amount of pressure.

First of all rookies who join F1 are always under pressure because they have very little time to show that they are up to the challenge even though they have barely any experience driving in F1 with cars that are very different from F2 or anything else they've driven up until then. This week, another young driver, Logan Sargeant, was fired mid season in only his second year in F1 because he didn't progress enough. It's over for him and he'll never be back even though those who raced with him in previous formulas say he had more potential than what he was able to show. Many such cases.

Second of all people have been mounting this narrative around Antonelli. Toto wolff, but also journalists. They're acting like he's the next champion. They're calling him Lewis Hamilton's heir for some reason. He has driven 1.5 laps in the current cars so far. It's insane. A generally well respected f1 journalist said yesterday that he hasn't seen f1 this excited about a rookie since fucking Michael Schumacher himself.

So yeah. That's the narrative : the best driver in history leaves his historic team after an unprecedented successful partnership by surprise. The team principal decides he needs another prodigy to replace him and bring his somewhat struggling team back to his former title winning glory. Can't persuade the current prodigy Max Verstappen to leave his own title winning team to join them. Not now, not 10 years ago. Decides to pluck a baby from his cradle to become the next shiny thing. Everybody holds their breath while they wait to see if he'll sink or swim.

[supernaturalgirl20]

The Future

Pairings: Marcus Pike x f!reader

Warnings: Smut 18+, explicit, unprotected sex, mentions of therapy, mentions of infertility, Marcus being handsy, fluff.

Summary: it’s Christmas time once again in the Pike household as we skip a year ahead.

Series Masterlist

A/N: ahhh ok so this is it, the end. Thank you so much for following along and supporting me with this. I love you all 😍 (sorry it’s a bit late I’ve been nursing the flu 🤒) I’m also gonna take a little break but I’ll be back in February with a new series and some Joel content ✌️

Comments and reblogs really appreciated 🥰

The house smelled of Christmas.

Of the spiced orange candles that were lit throughout the house. Of the mulled wine Marcus had made earlier and the pine from the tree that was fully decorated in your living room.

You stood staring at the fire that was blazing in the fireplace when a pair of arms circled around your waist pulling you into the hard chest of your husband.

“Hmm, what are you thinking about, baby?” Marcus asked as he nuzzled his face into your neck.

“Just how I can’t believe we’ve never hosted Christmas before. I’m glad your mom finally gets a break from all that cooking.” You twisted around in his arms and wrapped your hand around his neck. His brown eyes staring down at you, full of warmth and adoration and you can’t believe how differently things could have been.

“I love you so much, baby. I’m so glad we made that trip home last year. It was the wake up call I needed. Now look at us,” he says as his eyes drift around the room, taking it all in before they meet your gaze again.

“I think you mean only for your mother,” you beamed up at him and the smile that spread across his face sent a spark straight to your core.

“Ok, I’ll admit it was her meddling that finally gave me the slap across the head but, we would have come to the same conclusion all on our own.” He says, kissing your neck, the slight stubble rubbing along your skin.

“I don’t know,” you say teasingly, your fingers playing with the soft curls at the back of his neck. “We were pretty much done for.”

“We were, were we?” His hands move from resting on your hips up along the curve of your body until his fingers begin to tickle you. You had tried to keep a straight face but he wouldn’t let up and you began to laugh loudly.

His fingers stopped their assault and you both listened for a beat and when the house remained quiet you reached up and kissed him softly.

You swallowed his answering moan and his hands worked their way down over your hips, slowly pulling your dress up over your thighs. You shuddered under his touch when his fingers ran along the seam of your underwear but you quickly pulled away.

“Marcus, you rasped. “We can’t. We have to make sure everything’s ready, your parents will be here soon.” He shook his head as he inched closer, his arms pulling you back into his embrace.

“Got everything under control, baby. We have time.” His lips graze along the skin of your neck and you moan when he nips you gently.

“I don’t….what about….oh god,” you moan as his hand squeezes your breast. “Easy, they're a little sore.”

“Sorry. I’ll be gentle, promise,” he whispers into your skin as he peppers kisses down along your neck and the curve of your breasts. “Ok,” you breath out raggedly, “but we gotta be quick.”

“I can work with that,” he says as he pulls you along behind him and up the stairs towards your shared room.

***

He’s gentle. Fingers brushing softly against your skin as he slowly removes your clothes, laying you back on the bed as he leans on top of you, his arms balancing his weight.

He kisses you passionately. His hands gripping onto your waist as his mouth moves down along your neck. “What…Marcus,” you whimper. “What are you doing?”

“Wanna taste you, baby.” His eyes are hooded as he looks up at you, his mouth leaving a trail of light kisses along your stomach. You reach down and grab him with a shake of your head.

“Please…just fuck me. We don’t have time,” you breath raggedly as your eyes drift to the nightstand. He follows your gaze before his eyes drift back to you naked beneath him. “Ok baby,” he says as he lines himself up at your entrance and with one thrust, sheaths himself inside you.

“Jesus…fuck, baby. Still so goddamn tight,” he breaths as he stares down at you. “Move Marcus,” you plead and he begins to rock his hips against you. Slowly at first but then you move your legs to wrap around his ass, urging him with your body to move faster.

“Oh fuck Marcus…” You grip onto his shoulders as you clamp down around him. He’s suddenly lifting you as he sits back on his knees, thighs working to thrust into you. His hands grip you tight around the waist as he pushes you down onto him.

He pulls your nipple gently into his mouth as his hand squeezes your ass and the feel of his teeth grazing your skin has you shuddering. Your climax crashes over you and you have to bite your lip to stop yourself from screaming.“Don’t! Don’t…do that wanna hear you. Fuck I’m close where….where do you want me, baby?”

“Marcus fuck…please fill me up baby…please I want…wanna feel you.” His thrusts are erratic now as he seeks his release, thrusting into you twice more before he fills you up, spurting rope after rope of his come inside you. He rests his head on your shoulder as he calms his breathing, your hand running through his hair.

After a few minutes he pushes you back on the bed slipping out of you in the process as he moves to lay beside you. Marcus leans over and captures your lips in a soft kiss. “I love you, baby.”

“Hmm, love you….” The sound of the baby monitor crackling to life on the nightstand startles you both and you groan into his shoulder. “I got it, baby. Take a few minutes to rest, I’ll use the milk you pumped earlier.”

He hops out of bed and dresses quickly leaning down to kiss you again before he makes his way into your daughter's room.

Hey baby girl. Are you hungry? Come on with daddy and he’ll get you all cleaned up and fed. How does a nice bottle of mommy’s milk sound, Hmm?

You smile to yourself as you hear him on the monitor talking to Isabella. He’s such a great dad already and she’s only three months old. The last couple of years have been hard. The pressure of wanting a family and not being able to have one really put a strain on your relationship but you are so glad that Mary decided to intervene last year.

It made you both realised what you had in each other and that at the end of the day, that’s all that mattered. You still blush when you think about all the sex you both had in his parents house last Christmas but it gave you little Isabella.

Who knew that when you forgot about trying for a baby and stopped putting all that pressure on yourself, you would finally get what you wanted.

“Baby, mom text. They're nearly here,” Marcus shouted up the stairs. You hop out of bed and get dressed, fixing up your little bit of makeup before joining him in the siting room.

“Look, Izzy. Mommy’s here. Doesn’t she look beautiful,” Marcus coos as he leans over and kisses you.

“Will you stop,” you laugh, slapping his arm playfully. “Can’t a man admire his hot wife?” He says, waggling his eyebrows at you as he places Izzy gently on her mat.

“Behave, Mr Pike. We have a full house this weekend.” He looks at you then with a sly smirk on his face, that dimple you love making an appearance.

“When did that stop us, Mrs Pike?” He says suggestively, his hand resting on your thigh. Swatting his hand away you smile down at your daughter, her brown eyes wide with wonder as she takes in the toys dangling above her. She’s the image of Marcus, a carbon copy and she has him wrapped around her little finger.

“Did you reschedule our appointment with Dr. Crawford?” You ask, turning your head and meeting his gaze.

“I told her we’d come for a joint session after the holidays,” he says nodding his head. “Thank you for all this baby. For sticking with me and working on our marriage, for giving me Izzy.” His face is serious now as he stares at you but so full of love and adoration.

“And thank you for being committed to going to therapy with me and working out our issues. You’re an amazing father Marcus, and a great husband and I love you.” You kiss him again and he wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer.

“I love you too, baby. I love you both so much.” He gives you another quick kiss before the sound of a car pulling into the drive grabs your attention. Marcus smiles at you and looks down at Izzy. “Ok pumpkin, time to see nanny and pop pop.”

“You ready baby?” Marcus asks with a wink.

“As I’ll ever be. Now go on and let your mom in, she’s been dying to get her hands on Izzy.”

**** Putting this at the end just to say that I’m fully aware that fertility issues can happen to anyone and that it doesn’t always have a happy ending like this. I had a miscarriage myself before I had my three babies and my aunt couldn’t have her own children after trying for years so she adopted. You think it’s something you should be able to do because you’re a woman but it doesn’t always work out. That doesn’t make you broken or worthless. You’re stronger than you know. There are many ways to become a mother. Anyway, if anyone ever needs to chat or vent or whatever, I’m always here 🥰

Everything: @maievdenoir @amneris21 @hnt-escape @elegantduckturtle @harriedandharassed @jediknight122 @ayrusss @hayley-the-comet @sherala007 @alexxavicry @scorpio-marionette @donnaa @practicalghost @tanzthompson @beskarprincessjenny @littlemisspascal @icanbeyourjedi @thatpinkshirt @maryfanson @sunnshineeexoxo @misspearly1 @misspearlssideblog @athalien @its--fandom--darling @sara-alonso @doommommy @browneyes-issac @trickstersp8 @nembees @kaitieskidmore1 @mswarriorbabe80 @allthe-ships @tintinn16 @hungrhay @rosie-posie08 @manuymesut @all-the-way-down-here @iccedays @tusk89 @graciexmarvel @pedrostories @pedr0swh0r3 @musings-of-a-rose

[ladylooch]

Okay. Soft thoughts. Just imagine David coming from one of the longest road trips, and Mack is showing. Like when he went, she had a little bump or didn't, and now that he's back, she's bigger. He loves it. So after stripping, David kissed her stomach and ended up waking her. He apologizes because that's not what he wanted. Mack can see that his eyes are super teary. She just says that it's okay and for him to come cuddle them.

She wakes up with David's hand on her stomach, protecting their baby.

Davey was fine not having kids, but now that they're expecting. He feels very emotional and protective of them.

-👢

Mack’s body is twisted every which way when David comes into their bedroom late in the middle of February. Outside looks like a snow globe through the window, but Mack has clearly been fighting the covers in her slumber. Since becoming pregnant, she has oscillated between being hot and cold frequently.

He gently rolls his suitcase into it’s place in the closet, leaving it there to deal with tomorrow. He shrugs off his suit jacket, then begins to work on the buttons of his dress shirt. He looks over at the bed, double taking when he sees Mack’s sweatshirt has pulled up in her sleep with her latest flip. The little bump she had when he left has grown. It’s extending more, rounder too. He smiles, exhaling softly at how good she looks rounded with their baby. He makes quick work of the rest of his clothes then heads to bed with his wife. 

He tries to be gentle and soft so she doesn’t awaken. His palm expands across as much of the surface of her belly as he can grip. Mack shifts her position in her sleep, pressing back into him. She notices his presence after that, turning her head to talk to him over her shoulder.

“Welcome home.” 

“It’s so good to be back with you, honey. I missed you so much.” He kisses her shoulder. Mack runs a hand up his bare thigh, cupping it in her hand as he works an arm under her neck to support her more. “The way you are bumpin’ out right now.” He groans. “It’s doing something to me in the worst way.”

“You’re gonna have to do it to me in the morning. I’ve been sleeping too long to wake up for you.”

“That’s okay. I just want you to know how fucking sexy you are.” He squeezes her back into his body, letting her feel what she does to him. “Didn’t mean to wake you.” He rests his head on his pillow, rubbing his thumb across her warm skin. Mack twitches as she falls asleep again, then contorts more into a C, slightly away from him. David curls up around her more, pressing his mouth to the back of her bare neck.

He kisses her there, every minute or so, until he falls asleep, palm still pressing deep into their baby.

[themultifandomgal]

Tyler Hoechlin-Our Love

A New Show And New Family

February 2010

I wake up with a mixture of excitement and nerves. Today is the first day I meet all of my new cast mates for the new show Teen Wolf. Durning my audition I met Tyler Hoechlin, apparently they liked our chemistry so I was cast to be the love interest of Derek Hale. The backstory is that Derek and Estella were childhood friends and haven't left each other's side since the Hale fire.

I have a shower and do my usual morning routine. Get dressed and just put on a little tinted moisturiser since all I'm doing today is a table read. I jump into my car and drive to the location I was text.

When I arrive I'm assured to a room. Opening the door I'm greeted my a lot of smiling faces

"YN take a seat next to Tyler" Jeff motions for me to sit

"Hey YN it's good to see you again" Tyler says smiling

"Yes you too. How are you feeling about the script?" I ask

"Good. I'm really liking how Derek is portrayed so far. What about you?"

"Same really. Little nervous about getting the character Estella right. This is my first show"

"You'll do just fine. Just remember to make the character your own. Yes you have the guidance of the script on what your character is doing, but be mindful of making her real. Does that make sense?"

"It does thank you"

"Right everyone, now that we're all here I want us to just get to know each other first. So just go round telling us your names and who are are playing" Jeff says.

Near the end of the pilot episode, Scott is running through the wood during a full moon looking for Allison

"Where is she?" Tyler says through gritted teeth how he thinks Scott would say this line

"She's safe from you" I say, when we act this out, Tyler H will jump on to Tyler P

"What did you do to her?"

"Shh quiet" Tyler H says whispering

"Der we're to late they're already here"

"Run" Tyler says. The stage directions tell us that we all run but Scott gets shot with an arrow. Allison dad is revealed as the hunter. Between Derek and Estella they save Scott

"Who were they?"

"Hunters" I say

"They've been hunting us for centuries"

"Us?" Tyler whisper yells "you mean you. You both did this to me" he now yells

"It's not that bad" I huff

"You can see better, hear more clearly, move faster than any human could hope. You've been given something most humans would kill for. The bite is a gift"

"I don't want it"

"Ah we have a problem then. Unfortunately the bite doesn't come with a gift receipt. Your kinda stuck with it now" I'm loving Estella’s attitude is so far

"Your gonna need us if you want to learn how to control it. So Estella, you and me Scott, we're family now" it then says that Estella and Derek leave Scott alone in the woods.

We finish up reading the script and Jeff tells us all what our call times will be tomorrow

"YN can you be on set for 4pm?"

"Sounds good to me" I give Jeff a smile

"Lovely. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Rest up tonight we have a busy first day tomorrow" we all say bye to Jeff and each other looking forward to this project.

I head over to my parents house, finding my mom in the kitchen with oven mitts on

“Hi love. Dinner won’t be to long now”

“I’ll set the table” there’s a little bit of silence until mom asks

"So what's everyone like? Make any friends?"

"Mom" I laugh placing down the cutlery on the table "your talking like I'm back at high school"

"Well you basically are"

"Mmm smells good!" Dad walks into the kitchen/dining room. I promised them that I would have dinner with them both today after my first day

"Thank you dear. YN you never answered my question"

"Mom it was the first day. I barely even remember anyones names at the moment. I go on set tomorrow at 4 in the afternoon so I guess tomorrow I will get to know everyone a little better" mom plates up our food

"You never know you may fall in love. That's usually what happens on these tv shows right?"

"Mom seriously I'm not looking for anything. And anyway I think dating a costar would be difficult"

"She's right Steph, no boyfriends till she's 50"

"Dad!" I nudge him as we all sit down for our food.

March 2010

It’s been 3 weeks now since the table read and filming has been going well. Everyone on set is so sweet. Holland and Crystal are quickly becoming 2 of my best friends. Tyler H and I have also been getting super close, which is good because our characters are sickeningly in love.

Today we have a day off so we have decided to head out for some food

“So YN where are you from?” Crystal asks

“Here actually in Atlanta, I’m able to drive home from set”

“And why have we not had cheese and wine nights at your place yet?” Holland laughs

“My place is a mess. I’ve literally just moved into it so not happening anytime soon” I giggle

“You should have said. We can come over and help. Get the boys painting and we can do the DIY” Crystal says seriously

“I couldn’t have asked any of you to do”

“Your not. We’d be happy to help”

“Are you sure?” I look at Tyler H

“Of course”

“Ok well our next day off I’ll text you all my address and you guys can come over”

March 2010

A week later everyone is at my apartment helping me build my furniture and paint my walls

“Here” I hand a drink to Tyler, Posey and Dylan

“Thanks YN” Tyler says

“What do you think?” Dylan asks standing back to look at his work

“Looks good. I really appreciate this guys thank you”

“It’s not a problem. I’ve had a pretty good day” Posey laughs before sipping his drink.

By the end of the day everyone leaves except for Tyler H

“I’ve still got so much to do” I groan flopping on my couch

“What time do you finish tomorrow?”

“2pm, why?”

“I finish at 4. I can come over tomorrow after and help you finish up”

“Oh no It’s ok don’t worry”

“I’ll be over at 4:30 tomorrow”

“Thanks” there’s a slight pause “do you want anything to eat? I can order something for us”

Tyler agrees and we end up binging on pizza while watching Friends.

[cr0g-0]

I posted 1,541 times in 2022

365 posts created (24%)

1,176 posts reblogged (76%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@baka-monarch

@brick-a-doodle-do

@never-hydrated

@pomodoko

@oh-i-need-a-name

I tagged 317 of my posts in 2022

#smog ramble - 230 posts

#mcyt g/t - 69 posts

#stranger things g/t - 33 posts

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#tiny!wilbur - 18 posts

#heartstopper g/t - 17 posts

#owl house g/t - 16 posts

#tw vore - 10 posts

#giant!tommy - 10 posts

#grounded au - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#literally what in the ever loving fuck is this shit show of an end credit jesus christ. venom need not share a universe with this mess pls

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

For the grounded SBI au

SBI are a family that live in a normal house, Phil with 3 kids named Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy.

Wilbur likes to experiment with size and one days is able to make a prototype device that can shrink things

He takes it outside and is about to test it when Techno and Tommy come out for some reason idk

They get into a argument and next thing you know, they’re all shrink to the size of ants, and are stranded in their backyard with no way to grow back or call for help

Now they have to survive in their own backyard, agains bugs, spiders, and their giant dad who is worried sick when all 3 of his sons have gone missing.

I love this so I will elaborate-mostly because science class is boring rn djsbdh-

Wilbur loves science(unlike me lmao)

Wilbur likes to tinker with equations and really test the boundaries of reality. Whatever is considered impossible, Wilbur is trying to disprove and make possible. Any means necessary. He'll rearrange equations, change how they formatted, change the numbers-he trys to do everything possible to break it and change it to his liking.

Of course he was intrigued with the square cube law equation. It was honestly the most interesting because well-how could you possible break it? It's pretty much impossible to have minuscule or gigantic people right?

Well Wilbur was on the cusp of making it plausible....

To bad his brothers were being so damn loud-

Techno had been forced to play mario kart but Tommy was losing which lead to the two of them playfully arguing...

In Wilbur's room.

So Wilbur, extremely annoyed and tired, kicked them out and angrily finished making the equation, not realizing he had made it plausible if a little...well...iffy...

He worked for a long time that week, constructing blueprints and creating the machine, skipping family outings and other events much to the displeasure of Phil...

But not really Wilbur's brothers. They were fine with not talking to him. He had kicked them out of their room so he could finish his boring as equations.

Wilbur finishes it by the end of the month and he his elated, already setting it up outside to test it out.

And then Techno and Tommy come outside. They try and explain that Phil was forcing them to get Wilbur because he wanted to celebrate but Wilbur doesn't care-He thinks they're gonna fuck with his project and an argument escalates from that point until Tommy hits the machine and it starts whirring until a bright, purple colored flash hits all three of them and they pass out.

It isn't till they hear Phil's extremely loud, booming voice that they wake up to see to continue their argument...

At least until Techno points out that everything around them is huge and that's when the true gravity of the situation hits.

At first Wilbur is overjoyed. The device worked! He broke the square cube law! This could make him and his family rich!

And then they get chased by a spider and then Wilbur really sees the problem with what the machine did....

After they get chased though, they find and odd looking dome and head inside to see...tiny equipment and files?

Techno and Tommy inquire if this was Wilbur's stuff but...

It isn't.

46 notes - Posted February 11, 2022

#4

technovore crumbs? 🥺 any to spare? headcanons or stories?

Mmm I am unsure if this wants Techno nomfing or Techno being nomfed so I'll make headcannons for both-

Tiny-Techno does not like being nomfed...so he says but everyone can really tell he doesn't mind it and he outright asks to be nomfed by Phil.

Phil always asks him if he wants to be nommed and he goes very slow and is extremely gentle. He is the one who is aloud to nom Techno the most and Techno trusts him the most.

Wilbur usually just picks him up and plays around with him in his mouth before nomfing him-Wilbur often, sporadically noms people because its funny but he knows when to save nomfs for another time or when to be more comforting druing nomfs

Tommy doesn't usually nom Techno because he usually pretends to be staunchly against being nomfed by Tommy but Tommy is sometimes aloud to be nommed.

He will usually just kinda vibe and relax after being nomfed since he doesn't actually mind it and he usually finds it as a way to destress and bond with his family

Giant- Techno sometimes like's to be a little mischievous and just scoop his whole family up and spook them a little bit before nomming them. They all go along with it and know he's joking.

Sometimes they'll seek out Techno for noms because they need rest or just want to relax but when Techno see's anyone who looks upset, like if Tommy had a bad day or Wilbur was stressing over something Techno will just go and find then, regardless of where they are and pick them up before gently nomming them.

He likes to gently nibble and lick at his family before noms as a way to either be comforting or teasing. Techno also enjoys just finding anyone he's friends with and he just to licks them. He purrs quite often.

I hope you like these headcannons! Sorry they took so long to get out-

Asks take a long time to get out-

56 notes - Posted February 11, 2022

#3

A long awaited post from us since it’s been waaaaaaay to long since a post!! I do hope you enjoy part 1 of many

P.s-This fic will be uploaded part by part but as of now it’s being written all on the same doc so if the beginnings seem a bit abrupt that is why!

Tw-Accidental Dehumanization, Safe Noms, Talk of Death, Talks of Fatal noms(Doesn’t happen)

Total word count: 3021

———————————

A Great Divide Between You and Me (When did you become so cruel) [I]

———————————

Tommy was…well…apprehensive about this whole idea. Don’t get him wrong-he’d do it if Wilbur was a hundred percent sure but still…he wasn’t too sure about this whole…pretending to actually eat Wilbur.

“C’mon Tommy! You said you wanted to do a prank that would shock and scare the hell out of everyone and this couldn’t be a better prank!” The borrower exclaimed. Wilbur was excited by the prospect of scaring his friends on April fools. Every other year Tommy and he had either made them laugh till they couldn’t stand or they ticked them off a little. 

Wilbur wanted to see what scaring them would be like. Mix it up and such.

“I know I know…it’s just…you think they might take it the wrong way?” Wilbur shook his head. 

“Tommy-Toms-no one will think you legitimately decided to eat me.” 

“I mean-I guess if you're sure then…ok fine-I’ll do it. But you owe me a fuck ton of ice cream and shit. I’m doing this for you after all.” Tommy stubbornly crossed his arms, huffing. Wilbur just let out a bubbly laugh. 

“Alright alright fine I’ll buy you some ice cream tomorrow if you can effectively pull the wool over their eyes and convince them you did the deed successfully.”

Tommy let out what sounded like a whine and a groan, nodding slowly and dramatically as Tommy usually did. “If I fail can I still get a single tub of ice cream?”

The brunet hummed, closing his eyes and tapping his finger on his chin in thought. Tommy blinked at Wilbur with a deadpan look. “I swear to prime I will legitimately eat you regardless of this stupid prank if you don’t buy me ice cream-“

Wilbur paused and for a split second, Tommy swore he saw fear but if Wilbur had been afraid? Well, he wasn’t showing it anymore because the borrower was doubled over in a fit of laughs and Tommy felt his worry melt away. “Ok ok no need to threaten me child-I’ll buy you a single tub if you fail ok?”

Tommy grumbled, pretending to be pissed off about it but he was grinning wide. “Yeah, that's fair big man. Makes sense to me but make sure it’s mint chip or you're dead-“ He jokingly growled, poking the other gently. 

Wilbur stumbled back slightly and lightly swatted at Tommy’s finger. “Mhm-ok sure Toms. Like you would ever kill your favorite brother-”

“Nope Techno is actually my favorite brother-Sorry Wilby.” Tommy shrugged and Wilbur snorted, rolling his eyes disbelievingly.

“Oh please child-you gave me the nickname Wilby. Are you seriously gonna sit here and tell me, out of both me and Techno, he’s the favorite?” “Well-I-oh just shut up Wil-” The blond spluttered out, his face having turned a bright red in embarrassment. Curse Wilbur for always being right-

Getting back on track, Tommy scooped Wilbur up, holding him gently in cupped hands. Wilbur settled quickly, getting comfortable and preparing mentally. 

“Alright well let’s get this prank on the road hmm? I have some morons to scare!” The brunet laughed before nodding his head. 

“Let us get on with it. I have a nap I need to take-“ He joked as Tommy brought Wilbur closer to his face and more specifically, towards his mouth.

Wilbur tensed up just a little, part of his mind still screaming his life was in danger just like it had the first time he had been found…and by all accounts he had been in danger that first time but after all the bonding and movie nights they had really become a family for him…

But of course he was still somewhat frightened of the whole thing.

And he wouldn’t lie but some of the things his friends said to him made him…immensely uncomfortable…not that he’d say anything on the subject. He didn’t want them to think he couldn’t handle what was obviously a joke…

But hey-he wouldn’t be seeing any of them till dinner tonight. First up, Tommy would go and kind of discreetly hint before outright admitting that he had ‘eaten’ Wilbur to Phil, Techno. Then it was on to Tubbo and Ranboo if Tommy was able to get a hold of them. They were always busy trying to prank each other the day after so one of them was usually shopping for prank supplies  depending on the year. Then, if they couldn’t get a hold of either of them they went to meet up at Dream’s before going back home for dinner where Tommy would reveal that everything was fine.

Wilbur was particularly interested to hear what Skeppy thought of the whole thing considering he was also a borrower like him. 

Skeppy was one of, if not thee, best at deciphering he and Tommy’s pranks. One year, they had pretended not to know each other and most everyone was actually convinced Tommy and him had amnesia or something. The two always made sure the lead up to a prank was flawless so it actually felt and seemed real. The month before the amnesia prank they had both been ‘having issues remembering where things were’ and ‘remembering Wilbur was a borrower or that Tommy was human.’ 

See the full post

84 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#2

Borrower world building au borrower world building-

I wrote all of this on discord with the input and ideas of @wendy130 and @bio-nerds-corner

They are pretty much the reason I got this out as fast as I did-

And the word count-holy hecking heck it got very big within the span of a few days(like-three-)

So yay- i hope you all enjoy! It’s one of my more lore things and any questions with lore you can just ask me-

I encourage questions-

I will brain rot about this for ages and ages

Truth falls out and boils up till it burns

Tw: Mentions of vore(none happen), dehumanization, disturbingly cruel ideas, fear, swearing

Word count: 3844(Largest one yet I believe)

Part one of Borrowing From The Internet au

-——————

It had been just another casual stream.

Nothing bad should have happened.

Naturally things went south the moment he went onto youtube, videos about borrowers showing up.

The videos themselves didn’t seem too bad but his recommendation was filled with the videos and that was what made him worried. He hoped nobody would make any comments on it…

A donation appeared on his screen, and he tensed, his tail already anxiously curling around his leg as he read the donation. "Hey what are your opinions on borrowers? Cause like-I think they make too big of a deal of things like the 'Massive Accident' at that one restaurant..." His voice trailed off and he grit his teeth, his anxious feeling vanishing as it was replaced by raw, annoyance and anger. He took a deep breath in. 'Don't let anyone see that this stupid dono phased you-chat'll know something is fucky otherwise.' "Yeah, massive accident my ass-it was more like a genocide of entire bloodlines, families and friends-I'd really appreciate if chat didn’t bring up borrowers." Wilbur huffed, making sure to privately message a mod to ban the words and sentence 'Massive Accident' as fast as possible.

He had tough skin. He could normally handle shit like this but this time it was really getting under his skin. It was one thing if someone said it to him while he was in person but when someone in chat actively made sure to mention borrowers in the one setting, he thought he was safe from the world's mistreatment and lies about borrowers.

Wilbur was shaken back to focus from a voice call from Phil and he tried to smooth out his frazzled tail, slowly uncurling it from his leg, being as discreet as plausible in order to avoid people possibly seeing the appendage.

He clicked the answer on the call and plastered a more neutral expression, forcing a small smile.

"Hey Phil!"

"Hey Wil! How's the late night streaming?"

See the full post

85 notes - Posted March 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hey guys this is kinda an important mcyt g/t post

This community on here is dying.

As many know, a lot of people are losing interest and getting other ones, all the more power to them!/gen

But the issue isnt creators.

Its consumers.

When you read something you like reblog. Don’t like it. Reblog it. Leave a nice comment in your reblog. Send asks to the creator be friendly share thoughts and ideas! We all implore you too majority of the time!

When you don’t though it really leaves people feeling unappreciated and more importantly-

Unmotivated.

So that means when you see a lack of any content for a very long time with no updates(For us at least as I can only speak to personal experience) that means that the person who made it may really need some positivity and some motivation! You can give them that with a simple comment and reblog.

I am begging you as a fellow consumer and a fellow creator of mcyt g/t content-

Start reblogging and commenting and sending asks and just interacting with us all.

My motivation in this community is still here. For how much longer is to remain unseen. I have so many projects I wanna do and many others as well but we cant do it without support!

So. Here are a few of my favorite blogs you can support.

@plant-gt-thought-box -Creates Fluff and has a wonderful superhero au fic on their ao3!

@wendy130 -Doesn’t post often but it is a joy looking at the posts they have!

@x-pair-o-dice-x -Has FANTASTIC art and writing! Check them out and interact!

@bittydragon -Posts some wonderful shit on tumblr and ao3 and was the whole reason I’m here making this tumblr post!

@aslitheryprinx -Delightful art and fics also on ao3 and tumblr!

@baka-monarch -Answers so many asks you’ll have a blast I promise!

@cyncerity -SPECTACULOR ART! Wonderful aus and so much content!

@apersonstories -WORKING ON SOME WONDERFUL ANGST and is a very friendly chill person!

@random-tinies -Has some of thee best hermit craft art and dsmp g/t art ever!

@a-smol-storm-gt-blog -Also really good hermit craft art and g/t!

I know I’m missing so many others but I am unable to recall them at this time to @ I do apologies.

Again, please reblog and please please comment. It helps so much.

Thank you. If you read this long I thank you. Thank you so very much.

118 notes - Posted September 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[internerdionality]

Can I ask if there is anything percolating in the Suffer a Sea Change series? That "pre-ship" tag is haunting me.

I am also equally haunted by the I'm Not Ready for Whatever This Is series. The impending poly situations. help.

Yes, you absolutely can, thank you for asking, and yes, there is! The latter will be out well before the former, but both are very much in the works.

I am kind of a classic case of ADD “takes on too many fics” kinda writer. Right now my top priorities/fics I feel driven to write are:

My winter exchange fic for the Sprizzy server (currently untitled, about halfway done, will be posted third week of January come hell or high water)

The next Stizzy installment for I’m Not Ready for Whatever This Is, which is going to be titled "Add a Flourish" (I was hoping for this next part to plunge into the SteddyHands but Stede wasn’t done wallowing in angst. Almost done, will be posted second or fourth week of January depending on how progress on the exchange fic goes)

Finishing Fuck it Through as a Crew (draft of the chapter is done but needs some heavy editing, also January)

Final chapter of Paid with Sighs and Rubies (about half done, aiming for late January/early February)

Always another chapter of my “Batman becomes a cat” fic, whenever I have time

Past that, things get hazier. I really want to get back to my Marvel time travel fix-it but I’ve been a bit blocked on the next chapter. I have a T4T4T modern GentleScribed that I keep meaning to finish but have barely touched since Season 2 came out. The next chapter of Burning Like Embers, Falling Tender is actually about half done but every chapter of that thing is a monster, now, so it still has a lot of writing before it'll be ready to post.

Annddd yes, the sequel to Soaked to the Skin, which is titled Cut to the Bone and explores Izzy and Lucius settling into Stede's crew and figuring out what Lucius being polyam actually means for them, while Ed wrestles with having lost Stede and Izzy! I have about 35K written for it, but most of that was drafted in late 2022 and very early 2023. I haven't had the motivation to work seriously on it for a while, I'm afraid, but I do really want to get back to it.

To be honest, I have some insecurities about it being not as good as Soaked to the Skin—I don't want to follow my baby with something that'll disappoint readers! But I'm hoping once I clear the decks from some of my top numbered priorities above (assuming they don't immediately get replaced with new plot bunnies, lol), I'll find the energy to focus on it again. I've had some beta readers go through the current in-progress chapters recently and they have been giving me some more hype about it!

(Although if it's the Ed/Izzy pre-ship tag that's haunting you, that plot thread isn't going to pick back up until the third — and final? maybe? unless I turn in into a quartet? — installment for that series, tentatively titled Struck to the Heart. Except for how, you know, his devotion to Ed is always driving Izzy's character and motivations. But they're not going to be in the same zip code at any point during Cut to the Bone. I'm so, so sorry. )

And then finally, down here in my purgatory, I have my "I swear I haven't abandoned you" fics like Unmoored (next chapter started, at least?), Dining is Pageantry, my three Good Omens WIPs, the sequel to Learning at the Foot of One of the Greats, the next chapter of What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor (I swear I'm gonna finish that fic one day, I swear), Praying on the Height, and that Rizzy cannibalism fic I keep promising HopelessScribe I'll finish :D

And below that I have my graveyard fics that I haven't worked on in months but really do want to go back to one day—the DC/Slayerverse crossover, the insane Dragonriders of Pern OFMD AU, my winter piece (from last year, oy) for Dragonmuse's Leda House series, and all my poor abandoned SuperBat wips!

[blubushie]

Continued. Will contain some Aussie history/background.

WOOO SUMMER. Also love the VB thing I'm doing that for my first Christmas when I'm back home again.

Drunk kiwi.

I'm wondering if there's something significant to this chick being named "Rose"... Those of you who know who Rose is know what I'm talking about.

Of course it's The Cross. For those of you who don't know: The Cross is east of Sydney CBD, and is the city's notorious red light district. People often go there for the nightlife (The Cross has a lotta pubs and nightclubs) and for the brothels. Or at least they did until the lockout laws. Shit's coming back though since the lockout laws ended in 2021. Since this film is set in 2000 and possible 2001 (one year after the first film, which was set in 1999) it evades the lockout laws (which went into effect in 2014) so we get these cool party scenes.

And now I'm listening to The Police's Roxanne while I do this analysis...

See? "Last year."

That said the amount of time it'd take our couple to travel across Australia through the central country--by hitchhiking--would be a month if we're generous. So assuming this is taking place at Christmas of 2000, that'd mean by the time our couple cross Mick Taylor, it's probably already late January or even late February of 2001. Since they're not whinging about the heat in the outback, and other people are holidaying too (such as the family at the crater), it's more likely to be the start of autumn in late February.

I'm mentioning this more for fic authors who might read this so they're aware of what the time scales are. You're welcome.

"Artists are doomed to die" cliche.

ALICE SPRINGS HOMETOWN MENTION!! CURSE YOU GREG FOR ROBBING ME OF HOMETOWN MENTION!!

Also "three days" my arse. It's a 2800km drive. More like a week since it's stop-and-go--like bushopping. You gits.

Fucken Bondi...

Anyone who's in Blucord with recognise the bit about "burnt-out cars". I'd made enough warnings about it, I reckon.

They're out there for one of three reasons: either they were in a wreck and they're so far from civilisation that nobody's gonna bother removing the debris (the most common reason), they were in a wreck and the car's totalled so they burn the car so that the black smoke hopefully rises high enough to signal for help (second most common reason), or they're from people who are ambushed and then robbed and killed (or kidnapped) on bush roads.

The latter's much rarer but do happen and the bodies are usually burnt in the vehicles. This is why you don't stop to help stranded cars, especially at night. Just report it when you get to town. However this isn't much an issue in the outback since there's too much effort involved to set up these kinds of schemes. Instead they usually happen on remote roads close to towns so the perps can easily return to civilisation if/when the setup fails. My rule is usually a three-hour one. If there's people within a three-hour's drive, I won't stop and will just report it when I get there. If there's not, I'll stop. It hasn't failed me yet, since perps won't usually travel more than a 2 hour drive for a setup like that.

Yes lol

Curse you for not giving us the Alice Springs entrance scene because it's a weird sight to be driving in desert, desert, desert, nothing around for hundreds of clicks and then BAM. Massive town. It's a bit jarring.

Kings Canyon mention. The "beehives" mentioned here look like this. (On the right.)

The mention of Halls Creek is important, since it means that they are travelling by highway. It's also worth noting that Wolfe Creek National Park is about a four hour drive from Halls Creek. This gives you an idea of the complete and utter DESOLATION that our German couple were facing when they encountered Mick Taylor.

Crater prose.

Ute prose.

I do genuinely love how Mick's ute is treated as a creature of its own in the script though--of the same mindset as him, a lumbering, dedicated predator. Something something holy war, something knight upon his steed. You get it.

Also I ADORE the analogy and comparison of Mick's ute to it being some massive subaquatic or subterranean predator. That's golden. 10/10.

Hehe my ute has a V8... Ford 360. Now, to be fair, my ute's a '68 F250 and not a '79 F100, but close enough, one gen difference!

Anyway Mick'd have a 351 Cleveland 5.8l V8. I'm only mentioning this because Mick's ute in the movies is kept VERY stock--that's an actual 351 thrumming in both the films and show, which I think is neat.

WEIRDLY, the ute that Mick's got in the FIRST film is a '77, not a '79. You can tell by the grille. Lemme run comparisons. First image is first film, second image is the TV series (this is consistent with the second film), and third image is a comparison of the grilles.

All this makes me wonder if Mick pulled some bush mechanicry shit and completely replaced the grille on his truck somehow, along with wiring/indicators/headlights from another ute he just HAD ON HAND, or if he just... had a SECOND Peacock Blue Ford F100 on hand somewhere in his car garage, or if this is a retcon and the consistent model year is a '79.

It can be any really, but it's more likely to either be a retcon or he replaced everything after his ute went over the crater's edge. I'm not sure if the comment the cop makes on his ute at the start of the second film--"Looks you drove her off a fucken cliff"--is supposed to imply that he somehow retrieved his ute out of the crater and did replacement work, or that the '77 is now a retcon and she still has damage from fall as a '79 that the cop spotted, or that she's just an ugly truck from where the cop's standing and we, the audience who's likely seen the first film, are giggling at a mild reference to the events of the previous instalment.

If you ask me, I think it's retcon. It'd be much harder for Mick to completely replace and rewire everything on the front end with parts from a different year, rather than just fix it. Additionally Mick has had this ute for decades--since Origins--and was one of a few different trophies he scored off of the Trio. As such he's attached to it--"That's for fucken wrecking me fucking truck, you bitch!"--and I don't see him replacing it anywhere near that easy--literally or emotionally. That said, Origins takes place in the 60s, which is weird because he gets it by the end of the book, when the truck (being a '79) shouldn't even exist yet. So what do I know, ay?

(Sorry I'm a car bloke so you've gotta put up with this.)

Wolf Creek 2 script... analysis thingo

Warning, this is gonna contain spoilers for the TV series, and the movie, and the books, and what all have you. So read at your own discretion.

Also I'm gonna hang a bit of shit on Greg McLean in this in the typical friendly Aussie ribbing fashion. Yeah yeah I know Aaron Sterns also co-wrote the script, but between Greg, and Aaron (who also co-wrote Origins), and Brett McBean (who co-wrote Desolation Game), the only common denominator between the movies, the telly series, and the books is Greg. So you're the one copping shit, mate.

Also this is gonna be bloody long and will probably take a day or so for me to finish going through, so check the reblogs ay.

I wrote up a whole thing about this and then it got deleted cuz I closed the tab so I'm kinda pissed about that but anyway-

This number is actually closer to 38,000 average per year, but 98% of missing people in Australia are found in the first three months--these are "short term missing persons". Long-term missing persons are much rarer.

Additionally this number is massively skewed. These aren't people just disappearing into the outback. Australian national policy is that ANY MINOR in state care MUST be reported missing when they miss curfew. In 2023, 55,000 people were reported missing. Of them, 37,000 were children, 99% of which were found within one week of being reported as missing. This means that 67% of missing Australians are missing children found within a week.

I'm only mentioning this because I'm a former missing Australian child, and I think these statistics being included in the title sequences is funny given how they're taken so out of context. Ooooo spooky scary outback serial killer? Nah just teenagers going AWOL.

Model confirmation.

Greg does this often--spells shit incorrectly (usually with American spelling). It's tyres, mate. Fucken Melbu- [I am taken out back and shot like a lame horse]

Taking a moment away from hanging shit on M-lburnians to praise Greg for his prose. Genuinely--I love the prose in this script and how skilled he is at getting the image in his head across to his actors to replicate.

-1 for not calling it a gunbox. But +1 for being Like That about the knife.

The feigned innocence gets me. (I mean, to be fair, he IS innocent here of what they're about to drag him about--just ignore the dead chick in the meatlocker in the back of the rig.)

It's arse, you git. We aren't Americans.

I just wanna giggle about this because a lot of time when people picture sociopaths in media, it's "wanton disrespect for the law". Which really isn't the case. It's more "respectful of the law so long as it suits us" and Mick reflects this. He knows wanton disrespect of it would draw attention. Bloke's careful.

Also Greg spelt "arsed" here properly. So he knows.

Had a perfect opportunity to introduce international audiences to "bogan" and blew it. Shame, Greg. Shame.

This would've been the FIRST thing out of a cop's mouth when they rapped the window, not waffling beforehand.

[tap tap, motioning to roll the window down] "G'arvo, licence, registration, proof of insurance." Followed by noticing the rifle racked on the window and "Licence for that too. You have any other weapons?" and THEN they start checking your shit.

Sauce have been pulled over by police a few times, usually for a blow in the bag. (I am also careful.)

I didn't get to see what darts he smokes and I'm gonna whinge about this forever. I bet it's Winfields. Fucken bet. Bloke's smoke.

That escalated quickly. (Greg's edge is showing.) Also they'd have asked about the rifle a LOT sooner.

"An evil not quite human." Iunno maybe this is just the disorders in me speaking but after that shit I'd fucken shoot 'em too. That's very human actually I reckon.

Also at one point in this scene Greg calls a windscreen "windshield". There's something in M-lbourne's water. I'm not gonna keep screencapping mistakes like that but I will keep bitching about them. He misspells "metres" too as "meters".

I'm glad we have this moment in the show, when he tells the Kiwi--forget his name, soz mate--to dig. And then starts monologuing to him about how much he hates Kiwis (funny callback to Cutter from Origins--aw, Mick, look who still holds a grudge). But I'll be arsed if this isn't a great sequence, and I'm slightly bummed we didn't get it.

[blinkaftermidnight]

Hiya, I've been asked by a friend to send u this message (they're not on Tumblr)

Message:

Hey it's hidden beauty from ao3. I read your outline for your fic for S3 and I think it's amazing. I think others would also enjoy reading it as it would give a lot of people's headcanons closure. BUTTT I would never want to see you do that if your heart wasn't in it. I saw it in your style as i read it and it brought me a lot of peace and smiles reading it. Sorry I'm not there on your star wars fic, I never watched the movies and have 0 understanding of it despite being a big space movie/tv show fan. I'm so glad you wrote so much Leatin for TW and I hope you continue to grow as a writer. I wanted to reach out to you but couldn't do so as I refuse to make a tumblr account XD so I enlisted my buddy that I made from the wilds discord server to do it. Take it easy, you've got a forever reader in me.

Thank you for passing on the message, and tell your friend thank you for me as well. Truly, it really means a lot to me. And if you would pass the rest of what I say, that'd be great too, even though this is gonna get long.

So let me attempt to explain a little why I have an outline and not a completed fic. The fic that I plan to release after the Star Wars AU was being written around the same time I was working on the outline for the s3 fic, and they felt fairly similar to me. Idk if I can blame outlining or the fact that I was writing a fic that seemed too similar to parts of the outline for shaking me out of actually writing the s3 fic. I have two and a half chapters actually written, I think, and there's not much of it I'm particularly fond of, even though I like the premise I came up with overall. Translating the outline into an actual fic, in this specific case, is difficult for some reason.

I'm slowing down with writing right now. It happens. I wrote A LOT between February and the beginning of July. My life's changing. If it wasn't burnout, I'd still be forced to slow down, even though I've proven to myself that I can write a shit ton in a short amount of time if I'm given the opportunity and have the will to do it. It normally comes back around, but I'm not gonna attempt to predict what my writing-related future holds at this point.

I may just use this opportunity to spill a little more emotion or at least share some of my writing journey over the last year and a half. I started The Wilds on a whim, at 10 pm, while I should've finished a different show. Literally I can't explain what compelled me to watch the show, and I stayed up until 3 because I was hooked. 1x09 convinced me of Leatin, and I was a FTWD writer but suddenly felt compelled to write for yet another non-canon wlw ship that didn't have a lot of fic (at least, when I wrote my first Leatin fic, there wasn't much). I wrote a oneshot that my now best friend commented on before we started messaging; writing that fic literally brought us together. Writing Leatin fic got me through my second - and ultimately final - semester of law school. I posted daily updates of and it's like our world but we're the last ones left in the midst of law homework and exams. Similarly, I wrote the exes fic, we're falling apart still we hold together, while deciding to leave law school and posted chapters during exams. I wrote a fic without an endgame that I liked and know plenty of people did not. I forced the ending of another fic because I was afraid people wouldn't like what I felt was its natural conclusion and chickened out of following it. I wrote two AUs I never expected myself to write (fake dating and soulmates). Writing i'll be waiting on you forever helped me work through and process some of my personal shit.

All of that - and I haven't even covered every Leatin fic I've written - to say, writing Leatin fics has helped me in ways even I probably don't fully understand. It's made me friends that I love dearly. Though I will say, my popularity did spook me for a while. I've made peace with it, and now it's kinda funny. Anyway, for the last year and a half, I've had something I've wanted to write about, something to pour all my creative energy into. I've been able to share my work, and save for a few minor things, everyone has been unbelievably kind to me. The cancellation sucks, but it's still hard for me to be sad because writing these fics and discussing them and making friends because of them has been one of the biggest highlights of the last year of my life. I mean, my life is not what I expected it to be back when I began writing Leatin fics. So much has changed, but working on Leatin fics remained consistent and it helped me. It helped me personally, since writing is my coping mechanism, but it also helped me push myself as a writer, and I think I've seen results.

I'm not sure I'm making sense anymore. It's 2 am lol so I'll stop, but I'm glad the s3 outline is useful for something. Otherwise it might've just sat on my drive forever, and what good would that do? Alright, I'm done for real now. Thank you, seriously.

[dreamiesdotcom]

february spring | h.rj

genre: hanahaki!au, angst, fluff

trigger warning: character death

summary: You wonder what he'll do when he realizes you no longer cough petals, but flowers in full bloom — that inside you is a full blown spring, within a body that exists in winter.

word count: 2.7k

The thing about flowers is that they suck.

Today again you wake up coughing petals and blood, feeling like wanting to burn the world and then your damned feelings — but no, you think, you'd rather not have life at all if you're not in love with him. You'd choose him again and again if asked.

That's the stupid thing about it. You're so willing to hurt and to be hurt for love that made flowers grow inside you.

Your mom is crying at the foot of your bed, praying for it all to be gone; the petals, the blood, the disease you have to fight because you fell for the wrong person. Your dad turned around to face the wall, tears in his eyes. He wants you to be better. He needs you to be better, and he needs to be strong so you could fight.

It's useless, anyway.

"This could end in three ways," you remember your doctor saying. "Either he loves you back, you take the surgery, or you die."

And you know what that means? That no amount of strength, of happiness, will keep you alive. It's impossible for him to love you back. You're dying. There's flowers growing inside you and you're dying — dying in the most beautiful way; dying of love.

Of stupid love, but you disregard that.

"Mom," you call. "I don't want the surgery."

"You want to die?" She asks with a laugh, "You want to die for a boy who doesn't even know of your love?"

"Y/N," your dad calls, a warning.

"Please don't make me go through it," you close your eyes. "I don't want to forget him. I don't want to forget love."

Because it's all I have, you wanted to say. Love is the one thing worth having, and you can't imagine yourself after the surgery; you'll get your emotions removed alongside the flowers in both your lungs and heart. You can't imagine that.

It's not even about him anymore. It's—

"Mom, please," you beg, "I don't... I don't want to live in a world where I wouldn't be able to live and love. I don't want to live not loving you and dad."

Because what is a human without love, emotions? An empty vessel. A withering rose. Something to stare at emptily as slowly, they begin to die.

Tears well in your mother's eyes, shaking her head, repeating the same words again and again — "I hate him, I hate him, I hate him" — but you made up your mind. You're dying, but before that you're gonna live —

you're gonna live, and this time not for him anymore; for yourself. For yourself too.

Even though life with this disease is limited to this hospital, the window and the rooftop, it is life still — this sickness made you cherish all the little things you'll lose when your body loses warmth. On some days you play with the kids, young hearts running around not really understanding their situations.

You put a smile on your face after everytime you throw up — you hide away somewhere no one would see, you hide yourself. You want to live. If you want to live, there's no need to be pitied.

At night, before you need to go to your room, you go to the rooftop and meet with a friend; Huang Renjun, same case. His heart longs for the stars, the moon, and a boy who is and will always be happier with someone else.

Tonight again, you stargaze.

"Imagine what we'll be if we weren't like this," he wonders out loud, "You'd still be annoying."

You kick his foot lightly, making him laugh, "See? You're sick and annoying. If you weren't sick, you'd be even more annoying!"

You turn to face him, and a fond smile is on his face, "You'd be beautiful still, even more without the tiredness in your eyes."

"And you'd still be handsome, Renjun," you find yourself saying, "You'd still love books and poetry, and stars..."

"But your smile wouldn't be so sad," he continues, pointing to Sirius, tracing the entire constellation as if the stars are right before his fingertips. "Your smile would be open and honest, not just something to comfort me."

You smile wistfully. He rolls around to pin you down, his hands on your wrists, a smile of his own on his face. It's something silly, kind of cheeky — typical Renjun.

"You're my only friend, Y/N," he confesses. "And I hate him. I hate the boy who made you sick."

Tears start to fall from his eyes, leaving him shaking. His arms still pin you to the ground, his tears falling on your face. He sobs. He sobs and sobs and my god, he still looks beautiful — Sirius rests on the space where his neck and shoulders meet. Galaxies are in his eyes.

He looked beautiful, so beautiful that you didn't have the heart to tell him that it's him. There's no other boy but him.

###

I wonder when he'll notice...

February cold engulfs you in its hold, making you shiver. Renjun walks beside you. It's a silent trip to the rooftop, snow falling in beautiful flakes. He takes notice in your silence.

I wonder when he'll ask if I love him...

"Are you okay?" Renjun asks, shoulder brushing against yours.

You smile at him, "I'm fine. I'm just a little cold."

Time is running out...

"Renjun," you call out his name, "Do you think you could ever fall in love with me?"

He looks at you as if you said something absurd. He laughed, he laughed until he coughed blood and petals — you stop in panic, rubbing his back.

"I think the cold is doing us no good," you say. "Let's head inside."

Was it really that impossible for you to fall in love with me?

"No, no, I'm fine." He wipes the blood off his lips, "See?"

Scary as it seems, the petals have become usual visitors for patient with Hanahaki. It doesn't even bother Renjun anymore at this point.

He'll have the surgery and get better — just a little more, he said, let me feel this love for a little more, because after the surgery I know I never will love again.

The petals don't shake him anymore. There's a cure, after all. A cure you keep denying yourself.

"Alright, let's go."

You resume walking, looking straight ahead. The sun is setting as a white sunset.

You wonder what he'll do when he realizes you no longer cough petals, but flowers in full bloom — that inside you is a full blown spring, within a body that exists in winter.

###

"Happy Birthday to you~ happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, happy birthday..."

You look at Renjun's room, meeting gazes with Lee Jeno. You smile and look away.

Renjun has told you the story of three best friends.

Jaemin and Jeno are his regular visitors. Whenever they come, there's a spark in Renjun's eyes — the glint of sadness, the look of yearning for love like theirs. You know. You pass by his door everytime.

You know, too, that he's still in love with Na Jaemin.

Whenever they come by, they bring him flowers — you laugh, because Renjun has enough of those blooming inside him. They bring him food to eat, bring him gifts, but there's no love for him in that space. Jaemin and Jeno's love are solely for each other, and Renjun wants that selfishness too; he wants Jaemin's love all to himself. It's what planted those seeds.

Whenever they come, Renjun wallows in envy and self pity and sadness, sadness because it breaks his heart that seeing them both so happy hurts him. Whenever they come, you battle yourself to not yell at them and make them leave and tell them they're not of any help, not helping him feel better — Renjun's life is just as limited as yours. He has counted seconds and all they do is make him realize what a fool he was to fall for someone he'll never have.

Whenever they leave, they leave a hole in his heart — it only grows bigger and bigger with every visit, with every goodbye. Renjun must be a fool.

But he'll have it, the surgery. He wants to live that much, that even though it will be impossible for him to feel love, he'll still search for happiness.

And that's how you know it.

You're dying.

In silence, you break down and whisper your greetings: Happy birthday, Renjun.

###

Renjun sits across you, holding the flowers Na Jaemin has given him. He plucks them once — he loves me. The sun is hidden away by the clouds, and his gaze that once were on you flutters across the room, back to where Jaemin stands. He plucks another petal — he loves me not.

Jaemin looks back to your direction, and waves. You're sure it made Renjun's heart flutter.

"You're the infamous Y/N," Jaemin grins. "I hope we can be good friends."

"Before I die, that is," you joke, earning a smack from Renjun. The stem of the flower hits the back of your head.

He loves me.

"Jaemin, where's Jeno?" Renjun asks, curious. There's no sight of honey haired boy and it's a strange sight, but you know deep inside he is pleased.

He loves me not.

"He's busy today."

"As he is every day?"

"C'mon, Renjun," Jaemin laughs. "It's not like he never gives me time."

Renjun shakes his head anyway. He releases a big sigh, calming himself down — deep inside he knows he can love Jaemin better. A pained look flashes in your eyes.

Renjun taps your thigh in concern.

He loves me.

"I need to go, 'jun," Jaemin says, taking his belongings with him. He runs straight to the door, but before that he turns around and waves.

When Jaemin leaves the room, Renjun looks like he just fell in love. Again.

A bitter smile draws on your face.

He loves me not.

###

The day of Renjun's surgery came quicker than expected. The explanation was simple; he can never feel love again, but he will survive. He will be alive and that's what matters.

It's a sad thought, living without love. But Renjun would rather not love than not live at all.

"It's tomorrow," he said. "You should take care."

You don't meet his gaze.

"I'm tired, Renjun," you whisper, clutching his shirt to pull him impossibly closer.

A smile draws on his face, a beautiful sight to look at.

He asks, "Tired of what?"

And you've been tired of a lot of things. You tried not being so, but you can't help but fail miserably — lately everything's just been too much. Most of them, though; thoughts like this, like the truth that spills from your mouth.

"Of the flowers growing inside me," you say wistfully, "I'm tired of it and I hate it. I hate it so much."

"Y/N..."

"And I'm tired of you too, of you looking at me with those eyes," you turn to face Renjun who sits with his head hung low. You let a chuckle escape your lips, "Those eyes that look at me as if you could love me had you not met Jaemin."

Renjun couldn't say a word.

You feel yourself withering away as more flowers bloom inside you.

###

Renjun left right after he recovered from the surgery, the nurses said. You stay in your bed all those time, not bidding him goodbye at all. You throw up more flowers than usual, more blood.

All the promises you made about living life before you die is gone. All you can think about is how difficult it is to breathe, how hard it is to live.

"Mom," you call, hoping for ease, "I want to give up."

But she smiles with tears in her eyes, she smiles. You see, she had the most beautiful smile in the world. Her eyes are brimming with unshed tears and her lips stretched in a pitiful expression, "No, darling," she begs. "Stay awake. Stay awake for me."

You smile back.

"It hurts to breathe."

"It will be okay," at least she prays. "It's gonna be okay. Go through with the surgery."

You shake your head, declining still. Time is running out. Your father hugs you tight, the first time in years, a kiss pressed on your temple. Your mother holds your hand.

I don't want to, you repeat again and again.

Your father holds your hand — "We'll do what you want."

And there's a protest at the tip of your mother's tongue, but it melts away at the sight of tears falling from your eyes.

"Okay, sweetie," she says. "We'll do what you want."

Your doctor comes in a hurry minutes after. He's panting, a red flush on his face — he seems mad. "How long has it been?"

"Doctor..."

"You didn't tell us you were coughing out whole flowers."

Your mother's cries start to get louder. Full flowers meant the last stage: the closest to death. At this point it's a game between life and death and the dangers in between. You smile.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, "But I'm not going through the surgery, doctor."

They look at you with eyes of pity, saddened that it has come to this. Your doctor nods. Your mother shakes in your father's hold. You laugh, "Why are you all crying?"

"Stupid child," your mother says. "Stupid Y/N."

You laugh harder, tears falling from your eyes. "I love you, mom," you say. "Can you hold my hand tighter? I'm scared."

From outside your door, Renjun clamps his hand over his mouth; he feels like throwing up. He originally planned to say one last goodbye, but instead, he gets this... this. Whatever the hell this mess is.

You're dying, all because you're in love with him.

All because he couldn't love you back.

###

The time comes quicker than expected.

You look at your body, watching from your soul — this must be what it is like to be have your soul wandering. You breathe in sharply, breathe out. You look at all the tubes connected to your body.

You go through the wall, moving to hug your parents. Your mother must've felt you, for her sobs grew louder and she called your name.

Suddenly, someone storms in.

"Doctor, it seems like you have an emergency patient," the nurse intervenes.

"Who's the patient?"

"Huang Renjun."

Your feel your heart drop — who knew you could still feel such things? But Renjun, didn't he...

"Renjun? Didn't he have a successful surgery?"

"Yes," the nurse looks down in shame, "But it seems there's remains of flowers in his lungs. He's now coughing out flowers in full-bloom."

The doctor rushes out of the room, saying excuses to your parents. You watch your own body breathe its last breath.

The nurse looks down, "Y/L/N Y/N, time of death, 10:48 a.m."

You wander around the hospital, going to where your feet take you. You soon find yourself in the emergency room, watching Renjun almost pass out from coughing flowers.

"Renjun," you call — the ghost of you, your soul. The one Renjun sees.

He looks in panic, knowing why he's seeing you; he's ready to die. What he's not ready for is to see you as a soul, dead and eternally young.

He blinks once, twice, hoping you don't disappear. It's not all truthful words, but he says it — "I love you."

Outside the room, Renjun's parents wonder to themselves — who is he talking to? What is he mumbling? His parents can't help but cry, worried at every flutter of his eyes.

"They say... when people are almost dying, their closest family visit them to take them to paradise." Jaemin says with a bitter smile, "I heard... Y/N passed. He might be seeing her."

A slap sounds in the room.

"My son is not dying!" Renjun's mother says. Jaemin nods, tears falling from his eyes.

"Are you scared?" you ask, head tilted, hands brushing strands of his hair away from his face.

"Yes," Renjun confesses.

"I'll hold your hand."

"Until it's over?"

You smile, "You're one of my greatest friend, after all."

Renjun never expected to die. Then, at the same time, he never expected the tiny sliver of love he feels for you — love for a friend, for a dear one. Renjun found a real best friend within you.

So, he holds your hands and comes with you.

"Doctor? Doctor, what's happening— my son!" His mother calls as he watches his eyelids close, "Renjun... My little boy..."

One last smile, one last cough of his favorite flower — Renjun is at peace. He closes his eyes and remains his age forever.

"Huang Renjun, time of death, 10:52 a.m."

[fa-by]

official to get together with Ty. I mean, what?? Who does something like that if they were truly in love?// about this part technically they only became "official" publicly at that time because they never gave us an actual date as to when L and LV got together or even broke up and what makes it more confusing is that LV and L looked like they ended on good terms but then a few weeks later they unfollowed each other and LV was throwing shade at L and now they're not even friends.

Still here, not a hater nor a shipper Anon? I see that the first two times weren’t enough for you. Okay. Suit yourself.

“they never gave us an actual date as to when L and LV got together or even broke up”. Actually, we may not have specific day dates, but we do have dates to calculate everything.

As I’ve already explained, Lucy returned to Lauren’s life after she had a car accident on May 17, 2015:

“She came back into my life when I was 18. I was on tour and I was in my room in a hotel somewhere and she called me”, and, according to their narrative, Lauren decided they would be together “all in” and “now we’re gonna be in this relationship” from that moment on. The last public interaction between the two of them occurred on January 12, 2017 with that post for Lucy’s birthday (which is actually Jan 11):

And by January 21, 2017, they had already broken up since they were at the same Women’s March but with other people. While Lauren ‘was still together with’ Lucy, Ty tweeted “LMJ” on January 4, 2017:

He canceled it right away, and on February 12, 2017, Tyren made their first appearance as a ‘couple’ at the Grammys after-party (picture posted by L two days later):

If you calculate from mid-May 2015 to mid-January 2017, it’s 1 year and 8 months. And of that year and 8 months, 2 months were public due to the wedding pictures.

Lauren was already with Ty after less than a month. In fact, if you want to calculate from January 21 to February 12, it’s only 9 days. So, as you can see, we have dates on which base ourselves.

“Um let’s be realistic this literally happens all the time in real life”. Oh yeah? To who? To those who weren’t really in love and didn’t care about their exes maybe, but not to those who claimed to have been in love with their best friend since adolescence. You continue to be contradictory, Anon. Even in your own thoughts. Because if you believe in the Laucy narrative, then you’re supposed to believe that Lauren was in love with Lucy for five years (from when she was 15 to when she was 20). And if you believe that, then how can you think she fell out of love with her in less than a month? How can you think that’s realistic? Do you really give your fave so little credit? As I’ve already said, I don’t know you, so either you’ve never been in love and that’s why you think it’s realistic, or you do give Laur so little credit for real.

I’m gonna copy and paste the entire piece that you copied incompletely now: “How can you have been in love with someone for so many years, broke up with them because they were a toxic person, and immediately get together with an even more toxic person without having the proper time to heal? Without taking the time for yourself to lick your wounds, grow up, be ready again to throw yourself out there, and eventually find a better person to be in a relationship with? How? Simple. Because they were both fake relationships. The timing they wanted to tell is not credible. None of what they’ve said is believable, and luckily, there’s also enough evidence to prove it so these are not opinions and theories”.

When you love someone, Anon, when you really love someone and you’re not with them anymore, you need time. You really need some time before you can move on. Less than a month is not enough to fall out of love after 5 years and start another relationship by declaring to be in love with this other person every five seconds. I really don’t understand how you can think it’s realistic, and most of all, I really don’t understand how you don’t see it was all fake.

“and who says Ty was a toxic person cause so far L has never said anything bad about him and he treated her right from what we have seen, also the fact that their ‘split’ was peaceful so how was he toxic for her?”. So, let me get this straight. Someone who thinks that ‘the women only serve to be in the kitchen’, that ‘the lesbians only are confused girls’, that:

and that he’s:

is not a toxic person? Someone who’s been in a gang (like his brother who’s still in jail) since he was a teenage boy and has a long list of felonies on his record for infractions, assaults, and possession of various drugs, isn’t toxic? Someone who lies about his age and is disrespectful in the lyrics in his songs and when he speaks in general with phrases in which he had no respect for either women or homosexuality, is not toxic? Someone for whom it’s normal to punch and kick another celebrity in the head just because he refused to leave and free for him the VIP room of a club he was occupying, is not toxic? Someone who wanted to make a blind woman move who was sitting behind him with her guide dog, claiming to be allergic to the fur that was making him sneeze, and despite the fact that the plane staff offered him another seat in the back, which he refused because ‘he had paid extra to be in the one he was sitting in’, and the blind woman even offered him an allergy pill, he refused AGAIN with the excuse that he ‘had to perform’ a few hours later at the Escapade Music Festival (the woman obviously had priority over her seat and wasn’t moved, so they all stayed in their seats in the end), is not toxic?

Are you for real?? Do you really think Lauren could actually have been with a person like that? Someone who represented exactly what she always despised? Do you really think so low of her? You say she’s your fave, but do you know her at all? Because you’re basically insulting her as a person and her intellect. When will you learn to distinguish reality from fiction? When are you gonna open your eyes? If Lauren were to tell you that Santa’s real, then you’d believe it just because the words came out of her mouth? Come on now! Just because she was forced to say that she loved him and how a good person he was, DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE. Not to mention that we’ve witnessed several times how uncomfortable she was when they had to look intimate for pictures:

And how inappropriate he was:

https://youtu.be/g3D_FMHy4ho

Don’t you see how she tried to move his hand and how uncomfortable she was? And these are just two examples, but there are so many of them. Wake up and learn to recognize the distinction between script-following Laur and authentic Laur. I already told you this.

No, I’m the one who’s sorry here. Because as I said, you can’t distinguish when something is fake and when it’s real. I was there. You seem to have forgotten this. I saw every post, every picture, and every live they did together. They were together. They obviously couldn’t say it because Lucy ‘was together’ with Laur, but they were together. It wasn’t a serious relationship like the one with Nicole, but they still had something. They stayed together until February and then Lucy got together with Nicole in March.

---

I hope this can also answer your ask, dear Anon 😄 and hi to you too 👋🏼

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Back to you, not a hater nor a shipper Anon. Keep blaming CS and believing every single thing your faves say if you want, but do yourself a favor: stop trying to change someone’s mind (with empty proofs) and try to convince them to think like you. It’s useless. As I already told you in that post: “You can come back here a hundred more times, but you won’t change my mind”. Just accept it. Just accept the fact that we think differently because we believe in different things. Follow the blogs that think like you if you want, create your own blog with your own opinions or whatever, but don’t go to CS ones like mine because you wouldn’t come out as a winner, as you could see all three times. It’s one thing to go to another blog to express your opinion, and another is to go there multiple times and insist on changing their minds. Unlike you, I don’t go bothering other blogs to convince them to believe in what I believe. In fact, if that’s why, I don’t really care to change their minds precisely because, as I already told you, everyone is free to think what they want and have their own ideas. I accept the fact  that not everyone thinks the same way. Embrace this idea too, trust me, you'll live better. Find your community and be happy there.

I hope I’ve been even clearer than the previous times. Take care, not a hater nor a shipper Anon, and have a good day. I hope you’ll find what you’re looking for.

[itsadamcole]

family gathering

fem!reader x kyle o’reilly

reader and Kyle tease at other and look at each other while at a family party for Christmas

word count: 2.1k+

warnings: teasing and touching, nsfw, eventually smut, fluff at the end :)

— day 14. let’s gooo —

masterlist || request an imagine here

~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~

It was the outfit you picked that started the whole thing before you even left the house with your husband.

The party called for formal attire, which meant suits and ties for the men and full length gowns for the ladies. You chose a silver dress. It's mermaid style, which means the dress hugs your body until it gets down to your knees, where the skirt flares out. The dress is sparkly and has a plunging v-neck with an open back. The plunging v-neck reveals a decent amount of your chest. The dress has a slight train to it. You wear silver heels and jewelry to complete the look.

Kyle steals glances at you while at the party. You're talking to a few of your cousins while he talks to some of his friends that he invited. You drink champagne as you speak with your cousins.

You steal glances at Kyle occasionally. His butt looks good in the dress pants he wears with his suit. The suit is black and white but the tie is silver to match you. The pants are a little tight on him but it's okay. They hug all the right areas.

"Excuse me," you say to your eldest cousin. "I have to get a refill on my champagne. I'll be right back."

She nods and you walk off to the minibar, asking for some champagne.

As it's being poured, Kyle approaches you and stands beside you. You look over at your husband and he says, "I can see you looking at my ass, Y/N. Stop making it so painfully obvious that you're staring at my ass."

"Have you been doing extra squats and didn't tell me?" you ask.

Kyle laughs as you're both handed your filled glasses of champagne. "If we're gonna talk about whose ass looks better right now, you're gonna win," Kyle says. "You chose the right dress, my love. It's hard not to keep my eyes off of you."

You stand close to your husband and fix his crooked tie a bit as you say, "I knew I chose the right dress when I walked downstairs and your eyes almost bugged out of your head. Don't think I didn't see you staring at my boobs either, Mr. O'Reilly. I always know when you're staring at my boobs."

Your husband smirks a bit and traces the neck of your dress, his fingers touching the exposed part of your breasts. "The whole dress is a tease and I'm not sure if I love it or hate it," Kyle admits.

Smiling, you say, "You'll love it by the end of the night. Wanna know why? Because you and I both know you won't be able to control yourself anymore and we both know what will happen as soon as we get home." You pause, taking a sip of champagne. "Now, if you excuse me, my cousins are waiting for me."

You walk away, swaying your hips a bit as you walk. You're teasing Kyle to the max. It's the outfit. It started it all.

A few minutes pass as you continue your conversation with your cousins.

Kyle has to keep his distance from you before he decides to rip the dress of you where you stand. He does everything he can. He talks to your family and his friends. He does everything he can to stay away from you so he can keep his hands off of you.

It doesn't work, because you and Kyle find your way to each other as you speak to your aunt and uncle.

"How's married life?" your aunt asks. "Any talks of babies?"

Kyle smiles as you reply with, "We've talked about it. It's definitely on the table, but Kyle travels so much for work and we both want him to be here for the baby. There's time. I'm only 26."

You married Kyle when you were 24 and when he was 31. You married in February 2018. Valentine's Day two years ago. It was just as cliche as it gets.

Your uncle says, "Don't rush into it. Have kids when you're both ready."

"Exactly," your aunt says. "Don't be io upset if it doesn't happen right away either. Things like this may take time and happen unexpectedly."

You smile and nod to what your aunt and uncle say, but you know Kyle's eyes are on you the whole time.

A slow Christmas song comes on and you drag Kyle out to the dance floor for a dance. Other couples have made their way out.

Kyle holds you in his arms. Your arms are wrapped around his neck and his are wrapped around your waist. His hands rest on your lower back. They're dangerously close to your butt. You press your head against Kyle's chest. He's only six foot but he towers over your five foot four frame, and that's with two inch heels on.

"You know," you say, beginning an important conversation. "I've been thinking about us and having kids a lot recently."

Kyle looks down at you and says, "Oh? What about us and having kids?"

You look up, meeting Kyle's eyes. You say, "I've been wanting to start a family recently. I wouldn't mind if we tried to start having kids soon."

Your husband smiles and says, "It's your body, Y/N. I've been waiting for you to tell me when you wanted to start having kids."

Happy and overjoyed by how this conversation is going, you say, "Let's start a family, Kyle. All I've wanted is to start a family with you."

Kyle smiles and leans down, kissing you softly. You kiss him back, your eyes fluttering closed. Your hands slide to cup his face. That's when you feel Kyle's hands dip to your butt. You giggle against Kyle's lips, pulling back. "You just had to find a way to get your hands to my ass, didn't you?" you say, smiling.

"What can I say, Y/N?" Kyle says, smiling cutely at you. "It's my favorite part of you. Well, one of my favorite parts of you."

You laugh and say, "You're crazy, but I love you."

Your husband says, "I love you too, Y/N."

The two of you share another kiss. This one is more passionate than the last.

As you stand there and kiss your husband on the dance floor, you think about a family with him. Kids running around and laughing as you and Kyle chase them, having fun. Family movie nights when Kyle's home, cuddles with Kyle and your kids, family dinners, birthdays. Everything.

A smile forms on your lips and Kyle pulls back. "What's going on in that pretty head of yours that has you all smiley?" he asks.

"Just thinking," you say. "About what our family would look like."

Kyle smiles and asks, "You want to start trying tonight?"

You giggle, "I thought you'd never ask. Let's get out of here."

***

The two of you make it home in record time. As soon as the door shuts to your two floored house, your lips are on Kyle's. You smile against his lips as the kiss becomes more passionate almost immediately after your lips connect.

Kyle sheds his jacket and his shoes before he takes your hand, leading you upstairs. You kick off your heels, leaving then by the door as you follow your husband up the stairs.

As soon as you've crossed over the threshold of your shared bedroom, you bring your lips to Kyle's again. You quickly untie his silver tie, throwing it somewhere in the room. You untuck and unbutton Kyle's white button up shirt. His fingers are on the zipper of your dress, pulling it down.

The dress falls off your body, pooling at your feel. You pull off Kyle's button up as you step out of the dress, only in your panties at this point.

You pull off Kyle's tight dress pants as he pushes you gently down onto your back on the bed. Your legs hang off the end of the bed as Kyle leans down and leaves kisses trailing up your stomach and between your breasts. He continues to kiss up your chest and over your collarbone to your neck. You smile and run your fingers through Kyle's hair as he lays himself between your legs.

You leave kisses on Kyle's temple as he kisses up to your jawline.

Kyle's erect member is straining to get out of his boxers as he presses against your clothed core as his lips meet yours. You buck your hips up, grinding against Kyle a bit. A soft moan leaves both your lips as he begins to grind against you softly.

His lips leave yours after a second before attaching to your neck. You tilt your head to the side, giving him more access. You watch the snow fall outside for a second as you feel a wave of bliss come over you. You smile and close your eyes as Kyle rids you of your panties and himself of his boxers. You smile as you feel his tip run through your folds.

You didn't notice that you were wet for him. It's not surprising considering the words you've exchanged today and the thoughts you have been thinking today.

"Kyle," you sigh. "Please."

He looks down at you as he hovers above you. He says, "I need to know you're one hundred percent sure that you want to start having kids tonight."

You nod and say, "Let's start tonight, Kyle." A smile forms on his lips and yours as he leans down, kissing you softly as he positions himself at your entrance. You wait in anticipation.

Kyle slowly slides himself into you, his length filling you up. You sigh softly as he moves slowly. Your eyes flutter closed as he starts to thrust his hips after a moment.

His movements are slow, making sure that you're adjusted to him. Your nails dig into his sides a bit as he moves. Your soft sighs turn to moans as he speeds up.

"Oh, Kyle," you moan softly as he picks up speed. "Oh!"

Kyle smirks as his lips attach to your neck. You smile and his thrusts get faster and his member moves deeper into you. Your moans get louder.

He brings his lips back to yours and he kisses you hard. You wrap your legs around his waist and Kyle moves himself so he can move faster and rougher into you.

The tip of his length hits your g-spot and you cry out, "Kyle! Right there, oh my God."

He smirks and moves harder and harder into that spot. You're a moaning mess beneath Kyle as you moan a mixture of his name and a few different profanities.

Kyle begins to rub your very sensitive clit as he continues thrusting his hips.

"Kyle, baby," you sigh. "I'm about to come."

He says, "Me too. Come with me."

And you do. A few seconds later, you both release at the same time. You release around Kyle and he releases inside of you.

Gasping for breath, Kyle pulls out and rolls off of you. Both of you crawl under the covers and lay tied up with each other.

"How's your blood sugar level?" you ask. "Are you feeling okay?"

You wipe a few sweat droplets away from his forehead and he nods. "I feel great. Euphoric, even," he says.

A smile forms on your lips as you lay cuddles up to Kyle. Your legs are intertwined together and his arms are around your shoulders. Your arm is lazily thrown across his waist. Your chest is pressed against his side.

After a few moments of silence, Kyle says, "If we have a boy one day, I wanna name him after one of the Undisputed Era guys. They're like my brothers."

"Of course," you say. "I wouldn't have it any other way. If we a girl, I want her to have Marie as her middle name. It's my great-grandmother's middle name, my grandmother's middle name, my mom's middle name, and my middle name."

Kyle smiles and kisses your temple. "That's okay with me," Kyle says. "God, I can't wait to have a little one of us running around."

You smile and say, "We better get some sleep now because we won't be getting much after we have kids."

Your husband laughs and says, "I can agree to that. Goodnight, Y/N. I love you, and Merry Christmas."

"Goodnight, Kyle," you say, yawning. "I love you too, and Merry Christmas to you."

[dreamsister81]

"If  you listen to the lyrics of Hallelujah closely, you  notice  it’s a  song  about  sex,  about  love,  about life on Earth. The hallelujah isn’t a tribute to a worshipped person, an idol or a god, but it’s the hallelujah of orgasm. It’s an ode to life and to love."-OOR, August, 1994

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Why did you cover a Leonard Cohen song?

Because I find myself in Hallelujah, not because of Cohen.-Knust interview, September 13, 1994

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“Any of the covers on the album are there because they mean a certain thing in my life that I love and I miss. One day I was house-sitting for a friend and she left her whiskey out and I got into it and hit this horrible sorrowful jag. I went to the gig-Sin-É, in fact-weeping like a fucking animal. The whole time. I sang ‘Hallelujah’ that night and I got through the show just on the edge of tears. I don’t know why. It just wells up inside you."-Hot Press, October 5, 1994

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And this version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah", does he know the John Cale version? "Well, actually, I'm playing John Cale's version, that's where I got it from, from that record "I'm Your Fan" that I listened to at a friend's house. I also know Leonard's original, but he doesn't sing every verse, the way John interprets it is so...simple."-Rock & Folk, October, 1994

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" 'Hallelujah' for example I learned in New York from John Cale after a year working at Sin-é on a day when I found myself crying like a baby and that song expressed exactly what I was feeling. A title like 'Hallelujah' makes one think of the church, of morality and instead there is a deep humanity inside, there is the idea of making love, losing love, being crucified. Leonard wrote ten verses for that song and I don't know why he didn't sing them all, I just chose the ones I felt were most mine. He has this extraordinary ability to grasp the fundamental element of a certain situation and to "steal" it, make it his own and build the text around it."-Rockerilla, October, 1994

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The artists you've covered so far are Van Morrison, Leonard Cohen, Alex Chilton, they're connected on a certain line. It's kind of cult people or like that. Do you select those songs consciously?

It doesn't matter who's song it is. I did it because each moment in my life matched the song so well. For example, Leonard's "Hallelujah." One day, I was intoxicated with so much sadness, I was totally wasted after drinking whiskey and practicing this song. Right after that, I went into the gig as I was, and I was screaming like an animal. I'm singing that song with those experiences in mind. I have to be myself before the song exists.-Rockin'on October 1994

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"Hallelujah, I was just housesitting for a friend, watching her cats while she was away and I got into her whiskey and got into her record collection and there was there was John Cale's version of Hallelujah on I'm Your Fan. And I'm not...there are Leonard Cohen enthusiasts...it's not because of Leonard that I did the song, it's simply because of the song and because of the verses. I'm just in there somewhere. I have no blood bound allegiance to Leonard, although i have an incredible admiration and real great love of his work you know? There's a difference between somebody who's a total Tom Waits freak and just somebody who just likes to listen to them, and you know, the Tom Waits freak will know everything: the demos, the back in the days when he used to sound like Billy Joel, blah, blah, blah...hear the European demos, well, he didn't used to, but back when he was a bit smoother. You know, just knows everything. And I don't know everything about Leonard Cohen, and I haven't read Beautiful Losers, and I haven't done that, but it was just a great song."-WBCN's "Nocturnal Emissions", October 23, 1994 in Boston, Massachusetts

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" 'Hallelujah' I didn't do it because it's by Leonard Cohen, but because I like the song. Based on that it was done for all the songs, including mine. The version that inspired me is a John Cale version with all ten verses, unlike the way it appears on Various Positions. The night I first proposed it at Sin-é was a special night, I had also been a bit of a jerk. You see, the word Hallelujah has its own definite sign, you connect it to the church. Instead, for me it is a word that celebrates something very human, it speaks of a deep connection between pain and the human condition. That word has nothing to do with being nailed to a cross: there's when you're hurting, but there's also when you're making love, when you're losing it."-Buscadero, November, 1994

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"The fact that I did Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah doesn't mean anything, Cohen is something you discover when you're discovering life, you don't get there when you're very young."-Rumore, November, 1994

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"Finally, Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah not for the meaning of religious purity that anyone can see, but for more earthly reasons: pain, sex, orgasm and the cruelty of everyday life. I believe in people, not in heaven. Without people God would not exist, he would not make sense."-Tutto, February, 1995

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I wanted to ask you about your version of "Hallelujah". I guess its based more on John Cale's version than Leonard Cohen's original?

Yeah. But I heard the one on (Cohen's album) Various Positions first. Then I was stuck in a room with that I'm Your Fan CD (a Cohen tribute album) and I listened to (Cale's version) and it was, again, very simple. Then I heard that version one time again in Tower Records, and I was just struck. There and then, I thought, "This is wonderful ."

But am I right in thinking you don't really rate your version, compared with Cale's?

Well, he's a man. Mine's too fast. I know the difference between myself in a totally empty situation-which is best, where anything can happen-and in a situation where something's expected. And I don't feel very good about that day, and the time I chose that song to be included on the record, it was between that version and another version that I really despised. All in all, there must 22 versions floating out there. It's just never the right time. It seems that the only right time is when I'm telling it to people. And I guarantee, I have mashed that version into the ground nightly on tour, just creamed it. And there's also a version on the master reel for "So Real" that, because I was so wiped out and exhausted after that day-we'd recorded "So Real" and I recorded one last "Hallelujah", and that was my best one-I just forgot about that "So Real", I was so tired. So it's just hanging around out there. C'est la vie. Part of making records is letting stuff go.-February 28, 1995 interview, published in Uncut, September, 2004

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 I tell him that Bono loves Grace and says that Buckley's cover of Cohen's Hallelujah is better than his own. (Buckley plays John Cale's slightly altered version of the song from the I'm Your Fan tribute album to Cohen.) Buckley slumps back in his chair, as he does when on the defensive, and curls his lip in a manner that accentuates his resemblance to Matt Dillon. "I don't think I did that right," he sighs, passing over the compliment without comment. "I hope Leonard doesn't hear it. The way I do it live is better. I did it all live in the studio, there's no overdubs at all, but I pop it in unexpectedly in the show and it works better. The way I did it sounded more like a child and sometimes I've sung it more like a man."-Mojo, March, 1995

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"It's a hymn to being alive. It's a hymn to love lost. To love. Even the pain of existence, which ties you to being human, should receive an amen-or a hallelujah."-Schwann Spectrum, Spring 1995

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"I found myself in that song and I performed it many times in solo shows. But I'd be neglecting something if I didn't say that I learned it from John Cale. John Cale was the one that brought it to recording first, on the tribute album I'm Your Fan and he used these lyrics, these verses, for the song that didn't appear on Various Positions, which was the first album that Hallelujah appeared upon. I was house-sitting for my friend Susan and she had some whiskey...I don't know, I just hit a big, really bad sorrow jag and put on the song, and it was so simple the way John sang it that the words went through me, and I learned the words that night, played it that night at my gig at Sin-e...I don't know, it just stayed with me ever since. I wasn't gonna put it on the album at first 'cause I didn't write it and it would be kinda cheesy but I thought better after a couple suggestions from a friend of mine, and I did. Unfortunately, I think people will ask for it until the day I'm grey and old and fat, which I don't like, so I'll have to write something better, and I will."-Sony promo interview

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"He has a unique talent for making everyday life poetic and surreal-the most difficult way to write. However, on Hallelujah, I much prefer the lyrics rewritten by John Cale for the I'm Your Fan compilation. It is this version that I have taken up, not Cohen's version."-Les Inrockuptibles, July, 1995

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"That's not a hallelujah of chasteness and piety," Buckley explains. "It's more menstrual. It has more to do with the hallelujah of orgasam, of pain, of joy, of flesh, of being tied to the earth. Not of invisible angels in heaven who may or may not come down to tell you how good or bad you are, or Santa Claus."-Sydney Morning Herald, August 25, 1995