#what do you mean i put my personal experiences and personality traits and reactions in characters i like? i clearly don't!

[moonlightblueandicegrey]

I can imagine Jay's frustration while practicing guitar... One second everything goes well and he's like: "oh great! I love my guitars, i love playing guitar, such a nice song" etc. Then he makes a mistake and be like: "agggghhhhh!!! Stupid guitar!!! Stupid me! This thing is not working!" (Literally me every time i practice something).

And Kai trying hard not to laugh when Jay will be cursing and blaming the guitars. And probably ending up comforting Jay when he thinks that he lost his ability to play guitar and that he's useless... Yeah... 🥲

I think Jay would find some comfort in a guitar though.

Same Jay. Same. 😞

[yuyu1024]

Rebound

Pairings: s.coups/seungcheol × y/n

Genre/tags: friends/fwb

Warning: 🔞smut, a little fluff, cursing, semi public, dry humping, handjob, oral (m/f receiving), unprotected sex/drunk sex, mention of alcohol

(Always be safe and make sure to have consent... always...)

~~~~[lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 2.5k

Disclaimer:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

A/N: this might be all over the place since i wrote it while im trying to sleep🫠 Hope you all have a great week ahead....

Brb. 👩🏻‍💻

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You are heart broken right now. Your boyfriend or should we say ex just broke up with you recently. Through text and you haven't gotten the chance to get a grip of it yet. The breakup is still fresh and the way he just dumped you is still painful. He's heartless for doing such thing. No one should ever experience such thing!

"I hate men." You blurt out as you lay down on the mat that you and your friend put down the floor so you guys could lay down whilst star gazing. Of course with alcohol and snacks involve.

"All of a sudden?" Seungcheol heard you as he was just about to come out of his house. "I invited you here at my place... to relax... to entertain you.. for you to stop crying over your ex... then... now you hate men? Even me?" He sound offended

You laugh at his reaction. "Sorry... I can't help it." You say, "Men invades women's lives... flirt with us, make us fall in lovd... then when they feel like they need to go to the next target they'll just throw us like we are nothing..."

"You are not wrong with that... but hey not all men are like that." He sits down next to you, holding a beer on his hand. "Look at me..." he adds

You get up and sit straight next to him, "Yeah... you're a nice person..." you lean your head on his shoulder. "Too nice... even... that's why---"

"Hey. Don't mention the past." He hushes you. "We are talking about your heart break here... not mine that's been years ago."

You giggle at his reaction. "Fine..." you then grab his beer and drink from it. "But just one question.."

"Hmm?"

"Why haven't you dated again after....you know who...?"

"Well... I don't know... I guess... I just haven't found the girl for me yet..."

"Why? Are your standards that high?"

He takes back the beer from your hand. "I'm not like that... I go with my feelings... not like you who goes nuts when you see men with strong arms and built."

"Well," you steal his beer again and drink from it. "I find those traits sexy...how can I resist?"

"Yeah right." He takes his beer again. "Will you stop drinking mine? Just grab one from the cooler... I bought enough for the two of us..."

"But I like yours..." you take it again from him after he just took a sip. "We can always share... we are friends..." You drink the last chug. "Why? Does it bother you?"

"It doesn't. I just thought you'd be the type of person that would be concious about drinking at the same cup or whatever..."

You wipe your mouth with your hand as you put the empty can on the side. "What do you mean?"

"You know... I hear girls at Uni talk about indirect kisses so..."

"Ahh... I see..." you giggle. "How funny... they get so excited by those..."

"You don't?"

"Of course not! It's not like it is a kiss." You roll your eyes. "Making out for sure...is much more exciting..."

"Right." Seungcheol gets up to take another can of beer from the cooler. "Do you want one or you still want to share with me?" He asks as he opens the cooler.

"Grab two... but still we'll share." You say smiling

He shakes head and grab two different kinds. "You are really something..."

***

After a few more drinks and chitchat about your exes, you two finally decided to lay down and watch the stars above you.

With minimal light around you and Seungcheol turning off the lights in the house, just leaving the kitchen lights on where you two will enter back later, the sky is more brighter and clearer in your view.

"Thanks for inviting me here at your family's vacation house..."

"No problem... besides, mom suggested me to bring you here... she said you need this."

"Your mom is so sweet."

"She is... and its a plus because she likes you..."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she always wanted a daughter and I guess....you fit what she dreamed off having..."

"Aww... but...it is a bit sad..."

"Sad? Why?"

You turn over to your side, facing Seungcheol. "Coz I'm not the typical good daughter... and I don't want to disappoint her..."

"Typical good daughter?" He repeats, stunned by your word choice. "You are a good person..."

"Am I?" You laugh and lay down at your back again.

"Yeah... just a little freaky..."

"Freaky?!" You repeat, whipping your head to him. "What do you mean by that?"

"Don't act like you are not..." he smirks, "I've seen you do PDA with your ex."

"And...?" You toss to your side again but this time closer to Seungcheol. "Are you saying I'm freaky because I like to cuddle and touch my man?" You raise your brow at him.

"Don't get insulted. I didn't meant it as a bad way...." he then looks back at you, smiling. "I like freaky to you know... we all have our... kinks..."

"Really? Define... what's freaky for you? What are your kinks?"

"Okay... don't look at me like that..." he laughs, "I don't mean THAT kink... I don't do fifty shades of grey freaky you know..."

"Then... what are the things you like?"

"You really want to know?"

"Of course... coz my freaky may be different from your freaky..." you are grinning

"Hmmm..." he hums, thinking if he should tell you. "Isn't it a bit dangerous to be on a topic like this...?" He asks. Then his eyes starts scanning you from your face to your chest area which is very exposed and in his face right now.

You smirk as you eye him glancing at your cleavage. "Cheolie... are you getting seduced by my boobs right now?" You tease

"How can I not?" He looks away but the corner of his lips is curved into a smile. "You're wearing a verly low V neck shirt right now..."

You giggle at his remarks and then lean in to give your friend a kiss on the cheek which surprised him.

"Why did you kiss me?"

"Nothing... because you are so cute." You say before going back to your original position.

"Me? Cute?" He pouts, "Y/N I just talked about looking at your boobs and you find it cute?"

"I do!" You answer

"You're weird."

"Oh yeah... J am freaky..." you say, laughing.

"You are..." he adds

The two of you suddenly became quiet. The only thing you could hear now is the crackling of the woods in the bon fire and the sound of the breeze and the trees dancing.

"It's getting a bit chilly now..." Seungcheol breaks the silence. "Should we go inside now?"

"No... not yet..." you answer. "I need to do something..."

"Do what--"

Before he could even finish, you already got up and crawled on top of him

"Y/N, what are you doing?"

You move your pelvis, lower than where you are. You are trying to find the perfect spot on top of him.

"Ughh..." he breathes out as you placed your clothed core right on top of his erection. "Y/N...."

"Cheolie... Do you want to make out with me?"

"What??"

You slide your hands from his abdomen to his chest. "We're friends right...?"

"Y/N...." he grabs both your wrists. "I don't think this is a good idea..."

"Please...?" You move your hips, slightly rubbing your core to his bulge and causing him to hiss a curse under his breathe. "You can touch me if you want... I don't mind..."

"You are drunk..."

"No, I'm not..." you frown. "If I'm drunk....I won't be asking for your consent..."

"This is wrong... what you want is not right..."

"I know."

He gets up whilst you are still on hip. "And you still want to?"

You nod.

"Are you trying to use me? As rebound sex?" He chuckles

"I was not suggesting sex yet... but..." you put your arms around his neck and then move your body closer to his, "if you are okay with having sex... I'm game..." you say the few words words in a very seducing manner.

"Why me?"

"Why not?"

He laughs at how serious you are. "You are crazy, Y/N..."

"I know..." you once again rub your clothed core on his erection. Basically dry humping him. "Please...?" Your voice sounded more breathy.

"Damn it." He mumbles as the friction between you two makes him more hard.

"Here." You grab his hand and place it over your boob. "You like my boobs right...?" Then you guide his hand by rubbing his palm over and then squeezing your boob with his hand. "Feel it..." you whisper while letting his thumb feel your hardened nipple through your shirt.

"Fuck, Y/N... you are insane..." he throws his head back, holding on to not crack a smile. He is enjoying your needy side.

"C'mon Cheolie... you are making me wait for too long... do you want to or not?" While you on the other hand is being impatient.

"If I say yes," he says "What happens after we fuck?"

"We can decide after..."

"What if... I want to do it again..."

"Then let's do it again."

He's brows scrunches, "you are okay to with that?"

"Yes..."

"Even though... We are not dating?"

"Seungcheol..." you lean in a kiss him on the cheek again. "Like what we talked about... I am a little freaky... and besides you're my friend..."

"So....we're going to be.... fuck buddies?"

"If you want to..."

"No strings attached? Just... sex?"

"Yes... if I'm horny... I'll call you... and if you are horny and need me... then, call me and I'm willing to fuck you or suck you... anywhere... anytime..."

Shaking his head laughing, "Fucking hell Y/N... you are naughty..."

You roll your eyes. "Yeah, yeah... I know... so now what? Do you want to fuck with me or not? Give me an answer now coz if your not going to... I'll just go to bed..."

"You are very impatient, you know that?" He says smirking whilst his brows is furrowed. He looks amused. "I just want to make sure..." then he places his hand on your waist, sliding them under the hem of your shirt. "You are sure with this... since... we have alcohol in our system..."

"Right..." then as a needy and impatient as you are, you lean in already and started kissing Seungcheol on the lips.

The kiss surprisingly didn't start sloppy or awkward. It just went smoothly and very... arousing.

He is moaning already into the kiss. That's how good it makes him feel already.

"See.... you want it too..." you tease, smiling pulling away and looking at his turned on face.

"Who said I didn't want to?" He then carries you off him and carefully puts you back down the mat. "I wanted to wreck you since this morning when I first saw you wearing this revealing top..." his hand glides up from your tummy to your neck, right under your shirt. The motion lifted your shirt up exposing the lower part of your tits. "Fuck!" He hisses. "Your body is so fucking insane." He lowers his head and starts nibbling your skin from your belly buttom to your underboob.

"Ahh..." you inhale sharply when he sucked your skin and making sure he's leaving a mark. "Are you happy I didn't wear any bra today?" You ask

"The fuck I am." He goes to fully take off your top and start sucking and squeezing both alternately.

You moan at every suck, lick and flick he does. "Oh fuck... yes..." your hips dance every time his tongue touches your nipple.

"You're sensitive. You really like this huh?" He looks up at you while his tongue continues to pleasure you.

You nod your head, smiling while biting your lips.

"Fuck!" You throw your head back the second you felt him cup you down there. And since you're just wearing your black leggings, you could really feel his finger rubbing you there. "Ngggaaaahh..." you breathing heavy

"You sound so sexy...." he hums right st your ears as he watches you react to his strokes.

"You're teasing me too much..." you say

"Do I?" He chuckles

"Let me do the same!"

You are getting competitive now. You don't want to loose even though there is no game. You just know he's enjoying you moan just with just his little touches and licks. But you want him to whimper like you or more.

"Let me show you what I can do for you..." you push him away and then ride him on top again. "It's unfair that I'm the only one moaning in this session...." you move your hands quickly, pushing his jogging pants and his boxers down at the same time. "Dang..." your eyes widened as you see how long and thich he is. "You're hiding this from me?" You gently touch his wet tip.

"I'm not... technically hiding how big I am..." he answers before taking his shirt off. "You know I am big."

"Wow! You are one cocky mother fucker!" You laugh slapping his abs. "Let's see how cocky you'd still be after I make you come..."

"Bring it on." He says, rubbing his palm to your tits. "I've always wanted to know how your mouth feels on my dick..."

"Really? I'm flattered..." leaning in for a sweeet smooch on his lips. "Seems like... you've been having dirty thoughts about me for a while now..."

"I do..." he answers honestly, gazing straight into your eyes as your faces are just inches away. "I've been a bad friend..."

You kiss the corner of his lips. "It's fine.... I like bad boys..." you whisper sensually before you wrap your hands completely around his length.

You start slowly, pumping him while your eyes are glued to his. You want to see his face, his expression change while you squeeze him. You want to see him melt under your touch.

"Y/N... fuck!" He's breathing goes hectic as you now start to lick him. You are teasing him the way he teased you. "Ahh!" He growls when swirl your tongue on the tip.

Now, you begin to take him all in. Your whole mouth wrapped around his length. You are drooling at how big he is in your mouth but its worth it. His moaning and whimpers are all music to your ears.

"I think I'm going...t-to explode... fucking hell Y/N!"

You give him a final lick from buttom to top before giving him sensual kisses on his abdomen and then to his pecks.

"Do you want to explode inside of me?"

Those words pumped his adrenaline even more. You know it did coz his dick got flexes and got more harder than what it is. He even got up as quickly as he can and take you in for a kiss before he warns you and says, "Now, let me fuck you real good... raw and hard."

[sayyourprayers]

Mike not apologising is NOT Will's fault. No matter how many mental gymnastics moves you perform. Neither is Will calling El a stupid girl WRONG, when followed by an overgrown deathcap mushroom screaming homophobic rhetoric in Will's face. Stupid girl is as offhanded a comment as "girls have cooties". It was said to MIKE about him being with a girl (any really) over his friends (his best friend) (after all the shit that happened in S2 and apparently has been happening all summer) (enough for others - Lucas - also coupled - noticing and making a remark) Use BODMAS to solve.

Will does have flaws. Not kissing Mileven's ass isn't one of them. He is NOT a people pleaser. (Like at all, where in the show do we see that?) The word you're looking for is selfless. I think you even looked at it. Two VERY different things. And not causing more harm than good. Is El putting herself in danger causing more harm than good? Or is it necessary? And then others come up to say hey - you really don't have to go that far. There's a few steps between not doing anything and killing yourself. (Referring to closegate)

Let's also not forget his kidnapper/assailant is STILL inside him in a way. He feels him and doesn't just see him when he decides to look. There's no on/off switch. At least it's not in his control.

A mop misreading the status of his friendship with him isn't him setting up the relationship dynamics as such. Sounds like victim blaming. Looks like victim blaming. Would probably answer to being called victim blaming. A paisa for my thought : who builds the dynamic of a relationship? The one wielding some extra power (no matter the fact that the person isn't evil) or the one that's the pushover? Does Will get mistreated cuz he allows himself to be mistreated or because people mistreat him? Seeing as him standing up for himself is seeing as blowing up - and him expressing himself without blowing up is dismissed callously (d&d).

A perpetrator does not need time to heal btw. If I slap someone, I don't need time or opportunity to heal myself before apologising to the person I slapped. S/he's the one hurt. I'm the one that hurt them. Lucas understands this. He even apologises successfully and Will accepts it while not making a show of it. (All the scenes that follow - including firecracker stuff) Mike on the other hand never apologises and the peace they have is tentative in the aftermath of all that transpired at hawkins mall. It's not resolved just pushed back (as seen with Mike's reaction to Will giving away his D&D stuff and Will having to clarify that he will ofc play with the party - something that would never have been doubted has season 3 events not transpired cuz of Mike and then Lucas)

Freeze response is a flaw when he can't save someone ELse from getting bullied? (Victim blaming's identical twin called some more victim blaming) If the result of the response makes it a flaw or not, so far it's been a mixed bag on the show with all kinds of responses then. Freeze/Flight/Fight responses are not flaws. They're close to involuntary responses and calling them a flaw would imply premeditation on Will's part. That's just completely WRONG. No need to elaborate anything there at all.

Character traits aren't just a SWOT analysis. They are what they are and a character functions according to those. This pretty much gives final boss gunslinger Will is where his flaws will be addressed. His canonical bravery against his supernatural assailant means nothing if he isn't pummeling people to the ground, being a noisy whiny asshole or helping his sister-friend not get bullied?

What is the need and basis for this flawnalysis (analysis of flaws or flawed analysis, both work) when it's isolated from what came before and after the coconut tree of life? His freeze response is exactly that - a RESPONSE cultivated as a result of continued experience of bullying and abuse from a very young age. Whether it be on his person or something he witnessed closely around him. How is it a flaw if that is what saves him and keeps the situation from escalating? So far he's the one that's not punched someone and gotten arrested or near arrested for it, disintegrated, caused the death of unwitting people (he is one of them actually). Should that happen for him to erase that flaw?

Will internalising his feelings and then blowing up when things get right upto here is absolutely what can be considered a flaw/ negative character trait. It causes him pain and also creates discord even if temporary. It is NOT a flaw when he's keeping SOME things close to his heart though. Again, all of his responses aren't because of his flaws but some are because of things that happened previously on Stranger Things.

I absolutely look at this resurgence in finding Will's flaws an exercise taken up to find evidence for what's been ordained as truth instead of finding the said flaws in search of textual truth. A way to prop other characters or devalue Will's idk. Overlooking the tone of the show and how heavy handed the characters' designated roles in the story are to instead bestow a seriousness and prestige to the show that it does not at all, at any point in time, seek or strive for, renders the entire analysis (omg it's coming) FLAWED.

[roseofthewind]

Furina and High-Masking Autism

A lot of people don’t know how to recognize high-masking autism because its presentation challenges many stereotypes about what autistic people are like, but Furina continues to be a perfect example of it.

It should go without saying, but I love Furina as a character and this analysis is in no way putting her down. Autism is an entirely neutral trait that carries through to adulthood, and if you have a strong negative reaction to the idea of a character you like being autistic, you have probably absorbed a lot of misconceptions about autism and have some unconscious prejudice to unpack.

In the paragraphs that follow, I am going to explain several autistic traits and give examples of how Furina displays each trait.

*thinking face on*

1. Autism is, at its core, a difference in the way the brain takes in, processes, and shares information. This can make it challenging to communicate with other people who don’t share this neurotype, but a high-masking autistic person has observed the way other people interact and spent years copying them, figuring out through trial and error how to act to best fit in and get the most positive responses from other people.

Furina’s ascension speech in Act V of the Fontaine Archon Quest, where she first presents herself to the people of Fontaine, is a great example of this observation of others with the goal of masking as well as possible. Furina initially gives the speech as comes naturally to her in a very straightforward and honest manner (also an autistic trait!). After the speech, she realizes that her citizens are responding with hostility to her humility and lack of authoritarianism, so she then plays off the original speech as a ruse and immediately redoes the entire thing more assertively according to the feedback she picked up on.

(Calm down, Furina… Think. Think. What do the people want? How would they imagine a god to speak and act?)

Fontaine AQ Act V, Chinese audio: (link starts video at 3:10:07) https://youtu.be/T-AbXi5bufk?si=eQADAWw6n8Sk0PZE&t=11407

This is the kind of social trial and error that many autistic people do over the course of years so that eventually we can say the “right thing” the first time around, and it’s a testimony to Furina’s skills as an actor that she course-corrects so quickly.

Because of all the constant mental calculations, social situations are usually very tiring for autistic people, even when the social event lines up with their interests. In Clorinde’s Story Quest, Furina has no interest in Navia’s suggestion of pulling an all-nighter to keep playing D&D (I mean, Tabletop Troupe!) and wants to go home and rest.

Furina: Huh!? Oh, um… I’m not sure I’ll have enough energy for that…

Furina has shown other signs of needing to take a break from socializing– for instance, in Lynette’s hangout event quest, Lynette gets tired of all the people at her post-performance reception and goes upstairs to a quieter room to find Furina already there.

Furina offers to give Lynette tips on the best ways to slip away from an event, and Lynette misunderstands at first and isn’t interested in Furina’s advice because she thinks Furina loves everything about the spotlight and doesn’t realize how much they have in common. This goes a long way to show just how well Furina masks her autistic traits!

Furina: I see you’ve escaped the crowds to seek refuge on the second floor. Fame can be overwhelming at first, can’t it? Perhaps you’d benefit from hearing about the experiences of a veteran celebrity such as myself?

Lynette: No thanks, I’m good. Pretty sure this’ll be my first and last time in this situation…

Furina: Hey, at least let me finish! I have top tips on dealing with belligerent reporters, slipping away to hunt down snacks during the intermission…

Lynette: …Tell me everything.

Conversely, when alone, Furina will stay up late reading or doing something else that interests her and will not feel the same need to stop and rest, because when alone, there is no need to expend extra energy worrying about socializing properly.

At the beginning of the Fontinalia Film Festival limited event story, Traveler and Paimon go to Furina’s apartment and she answers the door sounding a bit groggy.

Paimon: Did you just get up, Furina? It’s already past noon, you know…

After Traveler chastises Paimon for being rude, Paimon panics and says something nonsensical about how the weather is so nice in the afternoon and sleeping in is fine, actually, and Furina responds that she’s just a bit tired because she was up late reading:

Furina: I was just up late last night reading some novels…

When focused on an interest, it’s very easy for an autistic person to lose track of time and it can be difficult to break out of the focused state and go to bed. (This is a trait that overlaps significantly with ADHD.)

2. Alexithymia is a difficulty with identifying, processing, and expressing your own emotions, and in extreme cases presents as an almost total lack of emotion. Some degree of alexithymia is common in autistic people.

I believe, in the flashback scene below from Act V of the Fontaine Archon Quest, that Furina genuinely did not realize she was upset and did not realize she was crying, which could be explained by alexithymia.

Fontainian citizen: Are… are you crying?

(If you played this part with the English voice acting and interpreted it differently, try listening to it in Chinese- Furina’s voice sounds completely confident and in control the entire time, and it’s not until the other person points out she’s crying that Furina sounds at all upset.)

Fontaine AQ Act V, Chinese audio: (link starts video at 3:22:00) https://youtu.be/T-AbXi5bufk?si=fl8xSwkQ0rRLFPQU&t=12121

I am a believer that Furina and Focalors were originally the same person, and Focalors is just Furina’s divinity and pre-archonhood memories— so if Furina is autistic, Focalors is autistic.

While talking to Neuvillette, Focalors is extremely matter-of-fact with her explanation of her plan, very matter-of-fact about the suffering of her own human self, and very matter-of-fact about her own impending death. There is no show of emotion— she just tells Neuvillette the facts. This could be related to alexithymia, but regardless it is a very autistic way of communicating that is often misinterpreted as cold and uncaring. In actuality, someone who is willing to sacrifice their own immortality, divine power, and freedom to save other people’s lives cares a great deal, even if the tone of their voice doesn’t reflect it!

Focalors: I mean, did you think I would be the sort to enjoy peaceful repose while Furina suffered?

3. The autistic nervous system takes in a lot of information that a neurotypical person’s would filter out as not being important enough to bother with- this is why autistic people are so much more sensitive to sounds, lights, textures, and any changes in the environment. Too much sensory input can actually feel painful.

There is a documented instance of the Opera Epiclese becoming so loud that Furina was overstimulated enough to yell at everyone to be quiet.

Furthermore, post-Archon Quest, after moving out of the Palais Mermonia and into her own apartment, Furina eats primarily macaroni for an unspecified amount of time— weeks or months on end. After a huge life change, it’s common for an autistic person to want anything they can control to be the same, so their brain has more space to process everything that’s different.

There is no neurotypical explanation for eating the same food over and over to the exclusion of everything else. It makes no sense to someone who doesn’t experience overstimulation and distress at too much change. Case in point, during Furina’s Story Quest, Traveler and Paimon are rather baffled:

Traveler: …Don’t you get sick of macaroni every day?

Furina: Not at all. As long as you have different kinds of sauces in, you can have macaroni and tomato sauce one week, macaroni and bolognese the next…

Notice that Furina says “macaroni and tomato sauce one week,” implying that she’s fine with just that sauce for an entire week, and then uses a different sauce for the next entire week. Still not very much variety!

Paimon: Oh, sounds like you’re really struggling to cope… Traveler: Is it because you have to do all your own cooking now?

Yes, Furina is struggling to cope, but not because she’s incapable of learning how to cook more complex dishes! She’s just too burnt out to want to make or eat a variety of things right now. Furina explains this and Paimon doesn’t believe her, but since we know that Furina’s special dish is an even more extravagant version of La Lettre a Focalors, if Furina is capable of baking at that level, she would certainly be capable of cooking.

4. Stimming, or self-stimulatory behaviors, are repetitive actions that serve to regulate or soothe the nervous system. There are countless behaviors that can be used as stims, but some common ones are rocking back and forth, hand flapping or waving, leg bouncing, skin picking or scratching, rubbing or squeezing a comforting object, dancing, spinning in circles, humming or vocalizing, or listening to the same song on repeat for hours. (It’s worth noting that stimming is not exclusive to autism— especially when stressed neurotypical people do some of these things too. Stimming can also be commonly exhibited by people with ADHD who aren’t autistic, although there are also a significant number of people with both ADHD and autism.)

One of Furina’s idle animations and also her normal attack sequence include behaviors that can be interpreted as stimming. Furina’s idle animation with Surintendante Chevalmarin involves her holding the seahorse up, waving her around, squeezing her tightly and rubbing her face on her head. Chevalmarin is made entirely of water and loves Furina dearly, and so does not mind being cuddled like a stuffed animal.

If you use all four of Furina’s normal attacks, she spins around several times and the final attack culminates with her spinning on a bubble and swinging her sword for AOE. If you use just three of Furina’s normal attacks and do not append any additional actions, Furina spins around again before plunging the tip of her sword into the ground (I do not have a gif of this). Furina also spins around when added to your 4-character party. That’s a lot of spinning, which certainly makes it seem like a preferred stim!

5. I got this far without mentioning special interests because I have so much other evidence that I hardly need to bring it up— but since it’s a much more commonly recognized autistic trait than many of the things I discussed at the beginning, I will include this part of Furina’s teapot dialogue, which does indicate that Furina engages in special interests:

Furina pretty much defines “special interest” with the above statement: it’s something that you’re interested in (to the point that it may feel like an obsession) and you have to know everything about it!

These are just a few examples of autistic traits that Furina exhibits— there are absolutely more. Furina is shown many times to have a high level of near constant anxiety despite being someone who is confident enough to perform on stage. This anxiety could come from other sources, like c-PTSD, but it’s very common for a high-masking autistic person to have chronic anxiety from being hyper-aware of avoiding potential social blunders, repressing stimming to appear more “normal,” and dealing with the increased risk of overstimulation that comes with repressing stimming.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! Even if you don’t agree with my interpretation of the character, I do genuinely hope you learned something about autism.

[thecolorblockcurator]

A month ago I asked you to send me some journal prompts to dig deeper before I start testosterone- because I felt like there were things I was still pushing down

And here is the list I compiled!

Imagine yourself as an elder queer person - who are you? What are your values- what does your life look like, what do you look like

What beliefs do you have about love- where are they rooted, are they limiting? How have you challenged them?

Write about what you’re attracted to, traits, physical appearances, moments, experiences. (sexual or platonic)

Write about your love language- how you show love, and how you want to receive love.

How do you show vulnerability in your love life? Where do you need to push yourself to be more vulnerable? What are you afraid of sharing

A childhood moment of feeling queer/trans and feeling joy

A childhood moment of feeling queer/trans and feeling fear or confusion

Moments when you felt like you were close to recognizing/accepting your gender or sexuality but repressed it instead.

What does masculinity mean to you? How does it show up in your life. What parts of masculinity appeal to you? What doesn’t?

What does femininity mean to you? How does it show up in your life. What parts of femininity appeal to you? What doesn’t?

What are your thoughts on gender? Does your gender fit within the gender binary, or is it something else entirely.

What parts of your gender, if any, would you *like* to feel one way about, but actually feel differently about? Why do you think you would like to/should feel this way about that part of your gender

Does your gender affect or influence your sexuality? Is there anything that you feel like is a contradiction between the two- is that something you embrace or feel uncomfortable about.

How are your views about your gender influenced by others in your life? What are you holding onto because of a fear or anxiety about what others will think

Do you have unexamined negative feelings about men and masculinity/women and femininity that may be affecting your decision to transition? Have you delayed/repressed your desire to transition because of this?

Are you able to conceive of the kind of man/woman/enby you want to be? Do you know any people like this? If the answer is no, is this impacting how you feel about your transition?

Do you have fears about living as a man/woman/enby that you haven't examined? Am I afraid of being treated differently/ losing access to certain spaces? Am I afraid of how my interactions with others will change? Am I afraid of people's reactions to my transition?

What small thing can you do right now to affirm and express your gender

Do you want to take hormones? List all of the possible changes you could expect. Sort them into columns. Want, Don’t Want, and No Preference. Spend some time reflecting on each change, what is the underlying reason why you put them in their respective columns.

Do you want gender affirming surgery? Invision yourself after the procedure - what emotions does that bring up, is there anything holding you back?

If you went through puberty already - How did that affect you physically and emotionally. How did you feel at the time. What would you have liked to happen?

Create a visual gender moodboard. Collect outfits, accessories, style icons, favorite movie & tv characters. Things that make you feel euphoric.

Is there anything you would like to try out to express your gender that you’re afraid of doing? What is the motivation behind that fear

Have you worked through any internalized transphobia. Are you afraid of being less desirable after transition?

Are you afraid of being less queer or less visibly queer after transitioning?

[santacoppelia]

An angelic meta.

Ok. I'm starting my 13th rewatch of season 2, and Episode 1 made me think about the nature of angels. Not in a theological way (well, maybe a little), but in the narrative.

Before this episode, we have only met angels as they are now. I mean, we have seen Aziraphale through the ages, but the other angels we saw during season 1 (Gabriel, Michael, Uriel, Sandalphon, Anderson [sherlockian joke, sorry]) we have mostly seen them in the present age. They are mostly jerks, rigid, uptight, righteous, full of themselves, they can be cruel and sometimes downright malicious (yup, Michael and Sandalphon, I'm talking about you, utter pieces of...)

But the first minutes of season 2 present us with not 1, not 2, but THREE angels in their "factory setting" status (yup, that's sort of a reference to the fanfic with the same title, if you haven't read it, go check it on AO3). In the first 30 minutes of the season, we would also get to know Muriel, the lesser angel we've met so far.

We find out that angels can be:

Full of joy and awe

Tender

Honestly, genuinely surprised

Full of curiosity and wonder

Openly loving (that "You are funny, I love you!" gets me every time)

Enthusiastic

Generous

Naïve (infinitely naïve, even when being jerks. That's what makes some of their misconceptions, misdirections and prejudices so much fun)

This, I would say (and this is where I bring Theology into the equation) is how Divine Grace looks like. For Catholics, "grace" depends on the intermediation of the Church (one of the bones I actually had with the lot before leaving), but when you talk about angels... Well, they are created to be in full contact and awe with Divine Grace in a natural way (because they are created immersed in that grace, perfect, and they get blessed by acting in order to follow that loving nature towards God... and if they resist that nature is when and why they fall). Thomas Aquinas explained this in extenso (and my best friend, who is a Medievalist, Philosopher and fan of Thomas Aquinas has explained this to me in a 15 minute long audio, so I'm more confident about what I'm writing now, ha)

Well, now let's leave the theological bit behind. What piqued my interest was, as a matter of fact, watching Jim/Gabriel enjoying hot cocoa. We can oppose his joyful discovery to a couple of moments:

Gabriel's reaction during season 1, episode 1, when he finds Aziraphale enjoying sushi. "Why do you eat that?" and his face of disgust when thinking about "ingesting things" vs. the happiness of his experience, at every level, when he feels and tastes the cocoa (the mouthfeel, the taste, the heat, finally arriving at his stomach). He grows so fond of cocoa that it is his comfort thing for the rest of the season.

Aziraphale's first experience with food in "A Companion to Owls" (the Job minisode). At first he has the same old attitude we have seen on angels about human food: it is somewhat disgusting... But after he tries it, he discovers the huge pleasure it gives him and he goes wild with it. The love of food and the pleasure of eating exquisite things is still one of his defining traits.

But I would also put out a little note about how Aziraphale was, since the beginning, somehow conscious about the possibility of "falling from grace". If Angel! Crowley had been immersed in the creation of galaxies and stars, Aziraphale had been involved in the creation of Earth and humans. If I understood most of what my personal theologian explained to me about how the notion of "grace" had to be questioned and reinterpreted around how humans can have free will but also achieve grace, and what did that mean for the angels... Well, it redefined everything (the one who started asking all those "silly questions" around the Theology of Grace was Augustine of Hippo, and Thomas Aquinas had to rework ALL of the ideas around angelic grace using Aristotle to justify many things... And that how they came to be known as Fathers of the Church for Catholicism).

So... Angels in their "natural" state are joyous, cheerful, naïve, full of wonder and curiosity. Something (The Great War? Maybe... But maybe something before that) showed them distrust, made them rigid, self-righteous and simply... awful.

Where does this leaves my second favorite angel, Muriel? Well, they are still that sort of angel: that is one of the best things we found about them in this season, and why most of the fandom has already adopted them as our sweet child of divorce. So, she is still full of Divine Grace, and ingenuity.

This word, I believe, will become an interesting characteristic during season 3. Why? Because I'm not a native English speaker 😂. As such, it is more evident that ingenuity has a double meaning: both being an ingenue (naïf), but also being inventive, talented and witty (even wise). I offer a couple of contrasts too, to build up on this idea:

They had been called "dim" by The Metatron. I've already talked about how this is his "fatal flaw": he is underestimating his opponents and expecting everything to be predictable, but ingenuity usually beats predictability (Crowley is also a master of this)

Another character we saw during season 2 that was full of ingenuity: Shax. Yeah, she is not the sharpest tool in the shed, and she is cunning... But that's because she embodies those both sides of the idea! She is ingenuous and still asks Crowley for cues about how to work on Earth, but she is also ingenious and is always planning schemes for her own benefit (even when they blow up in her face). Also, she was the first one to determine that Gabriel had to be in the bookshop, even when she couldn't see him or detect him, and was so certain as to launch an attack.

I've rambled a lot, and I'm now a bit peckish. Do with this information what you like!

[b3achysurfur]

If we notice in the webtoon, Taylor and Ben are the only ones who have not been seriously injured...

Aiden was crushed

Tyler was impaled

Ashlyn had a concussion

Logan ended up with a big cut on his side

Do you think something worse could happen to Taylor and Ben?

I think eventually all of them will face some sort of serious injury, so I highly doubt Ben and Taylor will be safe. I think ashlyn and Logan will also get more deadly wounds soon (hope Logan is first in line 🙏)

But I do find it interesting that they are the only two unharmed. Especially since they had a mini romance going on in S1. awwww I miss them 😢

Whats also interesting is how impulsive, destructive, and agressive Taylor has been lately as well as her increased screentime 😈

We’ve also unfortunately seen Logan get a lot of panels lately as well. And idk if u guys remember S1 but Tyler, ashlyn, and Aiden were the ones who got a lot of attention. But now that Tyler and Aiden are out , the attention has shifted to Taylor and Logan. But not Ben!!!!! (I want more Ben screentime, fuck Logan no body gaf what’s going on with him 😒 tell me ab Benny boy NOOOWWWW!!!!!!)

my point is Taylor or Logan may be the next to experience a major event. They’ve also been the ones exhibiting the most “phantom traits” , MOSTLY Taylor tho. also there’s a few other things that point to Taylor being in harms way very soon.

but basically the signs are telling me Taylor is gonna go through smth much worse than what’s happening rn. Back to Taylor and Ben’s relationship tho. Ben always tries to give back to things that treat him well, idrk how to word it. In S1 Taylor is very considerate of the whole group, but there are a few instances where she focuses on him.

in S2, ben mirrors this act by physically protecting her and attempting to comfort her to the best of his abilities

taylor leans into this comfort and support, even if it’s only by a little. taylor needs people, and ben can easily become her person. they both value their family and friends a lot and are willing to put their lives on the line/distance themselves if it means protecting them. they both have lost someone who has guided them out of a dark time in their life to the phantom dimension. they both are kind hearted people who are gentle. they are both a pea to someone’s pod (Aiden and Ben, Taylor and Tyler). they understand each other better than anyone else.

Ben cares about Taylor a lot. we don’t get scenes of them like we do with aidlyn anymore, but we do get little snippets. he is willing to protect her , even if it puts himself at risk. HE COVERED HER COMPLETELY WITH HIMSELF!!! HE DIDNT EVEN COVER HIS HEAD OR ANYTHINGG IGHWHEHA!!??? He had been holding her in place ever since the phantom had started chasing them. HE CARES SM IT HURTS ME.

ben has been such a neglected character, but I don’t think this was for no reason. I believe Ben’s time will come. I was honestly expecting a reaction out of him when Aiden ‘died’ but we got aidlyn so idrc 😈🙏. anyways a lot of people want to see Ben tweak AND I DO TOO!!! but you also have to remember, him not getting mad and bearing with the situation shows how much he has grown from his past. Ben has intense anger issues that he’s HEAVILY ashamed of. keeping himself in check is already hard enough with day to day triggers, but add his new phantom situation onto that? mans is STRUGGLING, but since it’s in silence no one ever talks ab it 🙁 we’ve seen Tyler crack under this pressure, Logan getting madder, and taylor has gotten angrier too! ashlyn is more stressed and tired than angry, and Aiden is having fun most of the time. but Ben? he’s been trying his absolute hardest to not flip out.

so that combined with his affection for tay, if something bad really does happen to her, I do believe it will be his final straw. There’s only so much self control a 14 year old has (even though most adults would’ve went insane by now). Whether Taylor turns into a phantom or she gets injuries/dies, it will hit Ben HARD. Tyler will also be affected, but I really hope it doesn’t overshadow Ben. Losing Taylor would mean Ben wasn’t able to protect her like he wanted to and after Aiden also got hurt, I don’t think he would be able to take it. I think it’ll also extremely upset him when he finds out his family got caught in the crossfire of the kidnapping.

I was thinking about it, and we might actually see ben use his voice out of desperation. I really hope we don’t, bc I think ben not being verbal is nice representation, it’s so important to his character, and I love seeing how ben expresses himself without words. but I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he used it to call out to someone. The way this scene (⬇️⬇️) is worded is like, “he CAN (might even) talk, he just doesn’t WANT (have a reason) too”. i really hope he doesn’t, but it’s definitely a possibility 😢 especially if we get a ben centered arc that’s caused by his anger and the loss he’s experienced.

All in all, I don’t think Ben be the next one to be injuried really, but I do think Taylor will. And Taylor getting hurt will finally open up a arc centered around/that includes ben 🙏

hope red gives us the craziest angst we've ever seen for them two and then kills Logan 😛

(sorry for rambling sm 😓 I tried to shorten it but now i feel like some parts don’t make sense. UGH WTV!!! I’m very passionate about Ben and the affects Taylor has had on him 😒)

[joyinunderland]

Aziraphale’s personality type -MBTI

INFJ vs ISFJ

Ok, so, I just had a thought.

You know MBTI personalities, right? On Pdb it is said that Aziraphale is an ISFJ, but I don’t completely agree with that, and I was wondering what you guys think.

My take on this is that he’s an INFJ (chatGPT thinks the same, but anyway), but I’m still not entirely sure.

First of all, just remember that for INFJ we have Ni-Fe-Ti-Se, while for ISFJ we have Si-Fe-Ti-Ne. This means that the biggest difference between these two types can be found in the dominant function, which is introverted intuition for INFJ and introverted sensing for ISFJ. But what does this mean? Basically, INFJs are better at seeing the bigger picture, while ISFJs are better at noticing the little details. For beginners in the field of MBTI, the difference can be reduced to intuition vs sensation.

As for personal experience, I believe INFJs are more prone to forgiving others because they put themselves completely in the other person’s shoes; while ISFJs’ kind of forgiveness seems to come more from the way they observe from the outside the other person. So, I would say they have a different kind of empathy: the former more overwhelming and personal, the latter more “rational” and detached.

Now, I don’t think I will be able to come to an actual conclusion before seeing season 3. Mostly because we still have to see, in my opinion, the real personality traits of this character. What I mean is, Aziraphale has been through a lot of religious trauma, so it’s difficult to understand whether his choices come from that or from his actual personality. We can only guess and speculate and try to find patterns.

As an INFJ, I personally see a lot of myself in him. I just rewatched the scene of the Church in London, 1941. We all remember Aziraphale’s reaction to realising that Crowley had protected the books for him. Usually, the angel is the one taking care of others without expecting anything in return, no one ever thinks of doing something for him and he doesn’t even expect anything. But in that moment he realised that the demon did care about him. For the first time in ages, Aziraphale probably felt seen, understood, cared for, with such a simple yet important action. Well, that’s how basically every single INFJ feels everyday: always caring for others, no one notices what you do, no one thanks you, no one does anything for you. But then, you find that one person that is different, and damn, that person can really change your life.

But let’s go back to facts. We know for a fact that Aziraphale always has a plan, but he waits because he knows that Crowley will come to his rescue. We also know that the angel strongly believes that things can be changed and that he in particular can change them. He has a strong sense of faith and hope, and I don’t mean religious faith, we know he’s been losing that for a while now, but he has faith in humanity, in people, in himself and in Crowley. He has hope that Heaven will be a better place. I personally see all of these characteristics as a show more of an Ni function rather than an Si: he’s more concentrated on the future possibility rather than the present reality.

But again, I won’t be able to tell for sure until season 3 is released, I have to understand what drives him, I have to see all the actual motivations that have led him to the choice he made and, mostly, I have to see who he will become, ‘cause only after he’s healed from his religious trauma he’ll be 100% himself.

Good, if you’ve read all of this long analysis (which took me like an hour to write), GOOD JOB, get a cookie, you deserve it.

Let me know what you think, I am really curious and I’ve always wanted to know what the fandom thinks about this.

Lots of love!

[pianocat939]

tw//suggested domestic abuse

May I request a yandere rise tmnt with a reader who's in a toxic/abusive relationship they're trying to get out of? Maybe they go to the yan for advice/help or the yan finds evidence of the abuse? Thank you and don't feel any pressure if this isn't something you're comfortable with!

(Have a Yan Leo edit cuz I felt bad not having a banner)

Ah another day of writing yan turtles reaction to MC having trauma-

Ok so I was originally going to do one with all of them and then I thought that would make more writing messy (especially on the time crunch I'm on) so I decided to do a small little piece with Mikey and Leo, since I think those two match well together in terms of yan traits (ngl they're opposites but in an odd way it works out).

Tw: mentions of toxic relationships, some perhaps uncomfortable touching (it's just clinging onto the arm and shoulder), read with caution please-

Indulgent Glorification

Mikey and Leo were playing games in the arcade, with the pair competing against each other on who would get the new high score yet. So far, Mikey was winning: to Leo's dismay. The arcade lights glowed onto their faces, making their expressions look more dramatic than it already is.

"Oh, Leo~! Guess who's about to take the new highscore~?" Mikey teased in a sing-song voice, not taking his eyes off the screen not once; not letting himself slip from losing the chance of having bragging rights. His hands gripped the controllers tightly, almost to the point if he put any more pressure, the contraption would surely break.

Leo huffed and his eyebrow muscles furrowed more, intent on claiming the win right before his younger sibling did. He smirked cockily, "Oh just wait little 'Angelo, I will beat you so hard you'll want to hide in your shell out of embarrassment!" He presses his fingers down on the buttons harsher, his fingertips burning from the pressure of his jamming.

Just then, a voice interrupts them from their gameplay, "Hey guys...Can I ask your opinion on something?" They stood at the entrance of the arcade area, their body language looking anxious, fearful even.

As soon as Mikey noticed their nervous form his face immediately contorted into a worried frown and he rushes up to them, putting a hand on their shoulder. "Are you ok? What happened?" The game he was playing with Leo was long forgotten, with his entire attention solely on the person who entered, Y/n. His entire mind was swirling with panic for his divinity.

"Wait hey-" Leo swore as he also lost the game, with both him and Mikey not being able to beat the high score. He then stood up and sauntered over to the other two, his face relaxed but holding a serious vibe. "What can me and my hermano help you with bab- I mean mi amigo?"

As the troubled person started to speak of their agonizing experiences with their significant other, the two brothers couldn't help but become more bitter and concerned with every word that flows into their minds. They wanted to take revenge on this disgusting bug, they wanted to murder them so brutally that they would wish they never even thought of speaking and doing such horrible actions.

"So, what do you think I should do with them?" They ask, their head tilted to the side slightly in hopes they would get an answer they could work with to get out of the torturous situation.

"Well, I think telling them your thoughts and feelings is one thing if you haven't already done that. Then proceed to state of you want to split because their behaviour is just something you can't deal with," Mikey replied in an honest statement, using his knowledge of emotional intelligence. He was going to make sure this process was as least painful as possible for his beloved divinity. He clung to their arm to provide them with some comfort, and also for his own self-indulgence.

"And what if they don't let you leave? Or threaten to do something if you do?" Their tone became more dreadful as they spoke, revealing their extreme uneasiness of the situation.

"Leave them. And if they try to do anything, we got your back." Following his words, Leo pats their back, occasionally stealing a little caress with his finger. His demeanour then changes, back to his cocky self, except in a darker atmosphere than his usual attitude. "Look, if you ever need help from them, you can always come to me. I'll always be here, always." His eyes widened slightly at his words, making his smile more maniacal.

Mikey tightens his grip on their arm, nodding to Leo's words. "Yeah, if you ever need something from us, we're always here to help you. It's my duty as your friend, your best friend." His tone slowly transformed into something stern, almost possessive-sounding if one were to listen carefully.

The two turtles were practically clinging onto them now, with an unhinged glint in their eyes.

And just like that, from a toxic relationship, they walk into a bloody, obsessed, friendship romance with the turtles.

——————————————————

I cranked this out in an hour, so it isn't really polished, but I hope it suffices- (I forgot I had to do an assignment before tomorrow morning so I decided to do this real quick-)

- Celina

[nemo-draco]

Bendy: Secrets of the Machine Thoughts

Putting them under a spoiler cut for readability

So far, there is a lot of intrigue regarding GENT and their role, as well as the potential return of the Nightmare Run characters.

GENT's involvement so far as been more on the sidelines in the games. It's implied they have similar issues with the supernatural, and they are running experiments with the ink the Machine produces, the books also backing this up with the reappearance of Archie Carter. However, with the new character. Riley Wells, introduced, it creates a more interesting layer to this, in that it is implied that she was recruited by GENT shortly following her dismissal from JDS. Now, if she is a villain or a victim is up for debate. It could be that they hired her as a test subject similar to Archie Carter and her metamorphosis was just far more severe as a result of the traumatic experience in her childhood, or perhaps she provided the specs that ended up producing a real-life version of "Bloodwheel", the more monster-y version of Gaskette that even gets a whole song in Riley's flashback.

Riley's story is also interesting in that it provides a canon explanation for why the Nightmare Run toons are more monstrous, though it really only does so for Gaskette. She's never shown drawing any of the other bosses, just him. Which makes me wonder if maybe she was part of the character design for only him, and the others are all going to get their own stories later on in the game. I really do hope they go this route, mostly because it would be a nice callback to the no longer available Nightmare Run, and you could have some real fun with the bosses 'backstories', depending on how involved you want to be.

Can think of a few things immediately off the bat: Chester being another example of a childhood fear turned into a debilitating trauma, except involving someone who has thalassophobia strong enough to rival H.P. Lovecraft. Kind of paves the way for a lot of spooky imagery involving the ocean, ocean life, and ink.

Dewey at first seemed a little comical to think about in this context, after all, a fear of librarians seems extreme, though thinking more on it my thought is that he's the product of a different type of emotional stuckage. Instead of a fearful person, perhaps Dewey was created by a very angry person, someone who had a lot of trouble controlling their temper and would frequently blow up at seemingly minor issues. After all, Dewey's main character trait seems to be his temper, as we remember from his character card that he has a disproportionate reaction to Bendy knocking over some books. Granted, between the fact that the exact quantity of books is never mentioned, and a cartoon being a cartoon, it makes me wonder if Bendy might not have knocked over a few books, but more likely a few stacks or even whole shelves worth. I mean, what's funnier, a few books coming down or the library getting a spontaneous remodeling job thanks to a careless patron?

...It's probably not so fun for the librarian, but you get my point. So, potentially, we have someone who has a temper problem creating this character as a way to offset their issues. It might just be less helpful and creating a bit of a feedback loop, where they're constantly ruminating over their problems rather than addressing and moving on from them.

Canoodle was another one that eluded me a bit, though there are two potential driving forces that could have fueled his creation. On one front, junkyards aren't exactly friendly places sometimes, and it would be easy for some sort of accident to happen that could produce some sort of negative association, though there is also the fact that a sentient can being in a junkyard creates this almost weird mental image. You'd think that'd be a dangerous place for him, and this is somewhat proven true if you beat him in Nightmare Run, as he's promptly crushed and disposed of. So, perhaps a preoccupation with death, or a person who is constantly cheating bad or dangerous circumstances? It's something, and it could definitely be interesting played out if that's the direction they're planning on going with this.

There are also plenty of other fun moments and little easter eggs for fans, so either way, we do get something fun. I would honestly be over the moon if they did something for all of the Nightmare Run toons though. Gaskette is a good nod, and Riley's backstory intrigues me given the circumstances, and especially the apparent involvement with GENT. Kinda makes me wonder if they're, in a sense, keeping tabs on people who were associated with JDS, people who maybe would have some stronger ties to the art being produced there and potentially have a bigger reaction when the ink is used on them.

It's something to think about, for sure. If anything, I'll enjoy using these puzzle pieces in my own work.

[the-bi-space-ace]

Let's Talk About Echo & Crosshair

This is going to be long winded so I will put my thoughts under the cut <3

Echo and Crosshair have a lot of similarities and I think a lot of that has to do with their experiences with trauma. They have reacted differently to that trauma but still, those similarities are there.

Let's start with the lightest of this discussion: their wit and personalities. Crosshair has a dry delivery, borderline or outwardly mean at times, and he tends to never beat around the bush. He's forward and stubborn and he will call you out if he thinks you're wrong (immediately his treatment of Rex comes to mind). Echo is similar in this dryness. He rolls his eyes a lot and he strikes me as the person to call out his loved ones when they're being absolutely obtuse. He speaks his mind and doesn't hide when he's upset. They are both on the blunter side of things but the way people react to Echo's bluntness versus Crosshair's definitely varies. I think this is because Crosshair can be cruel while Echo tends to hold his tongue and go for a, still forward, but more diplomatic way.

I also think they both lead with emotion. Crosshair we see be angry a lot more than any other emotion (but that doesn't mean he doesn't have other emotions). We see Echo have a lot of fire within him - usually pointed towards an injustice. He's willing to stand up for his family, testify for Riyo, and fight with Rex to save their brothers from the empire. We see Crosshair do this too when he fights so hard for Mayday. He sees a person who is so deserving of saving that he puts his all into doing just that. They are both willing to let their emotions guide them, it just manifests a little differently. Crosshair's is more passion and surges of protectiveness and loyalty while Echo's is more sustained and dialed in. They both have this loyalty towards their loved ones and their brothers but Echo's is more doing the right thing to keep people safe and Crosshair's is more: whatever it takes to get the best end result is the path I will take. Same idea different approach.

This plays into a trait that both of them have: a strong sense of loyalty. Loyalty is extremely important to both of them but Echo tends to let this loyalty drive him towards the greater good, a willingness and need to protect everyone not just those closest to him. Crosshair, on the other hand, lets this guide him to do just about anything to stay true to it. He'd willingly kill and die for those he is loyal to. Again we see their paths line up in a way that is just so similar and yet their reactions and how they use it is very different.

Now, for the biggest part of this: their trauma. We are well acquainted with Echo's trauma. He was left behind, captured, tortured, and mind controlled before his rescue. He suffered immense pain and has massive guilt over what he did when he did not have control. We see him struggle with PTSD, anger, and probably a lot of survivors guilt. His story is one soaked in tragedy but ultimately it is about overcoming odds and staying true to who you are even as the world caves in around you. We can see this struggle with Crosshair too. He was left behind which led to his continual torture and mind control. He was forced to do horrible things and endure a lot of pain and suffering along the way. But then we see him continue down a path with the empire and instead of overcoming and staying true to himself he latches onto the empire and starts to build his life around that instead. (We definitely got a lot of development in this area with episode 12 with seeing him save Mayday and shoot Nolan.) What I want to focus on here is why their responses to this are so different.

Echo, upon being rescued, had a massive support system to help him. He had Rex, this new squad, and an environment that was familiar to him despite how much he himself had changed. He had to adjust and adapt to this new reality of his but he still had so much of what he was used to that he was able to take that pain and start to cope with it. I definitely think he's got a lot left to work through but my point is that he was able to start the process in a healthier way. There was a stability built into it and it allowed him to grow and mature and hold onto his kind heart.

Crosshair on the other hand... He finally starts to wake up from the mind control. The brain washing wears off. And he's alone. There is zero support system for him to feel safe enough to be vulnerable. His family is gone. There is no one around who loves or supports him. He has done horrible things and hunted down the only people in the galaxy that care about him. And instead of coming out of the ordeal with a greater sense of self and an ability to overcome the anger and resentment inside of him it leaves him hollow and burrowing into himself to keep himself safe. He has no support system to help him emotionally so it festers and ends up hurting him even more.

They have such different reactions to coming out of the other side because they came to in much different circumstances. But in the end they would understand each other better than almost anyone else. They’ve been through very similar things and have made it to the other side. (and I think if anyone would understand Crosshair's anger it would be Echo, even if he doesn't agree with Crosshair's choices.)

I think it would be fantastic when Crosshair is reunited with his family that we see a moment where the two of them get to acknowledge that they have something even greater in common now. Even if it's silent or short. These two could draw so much healing from each other.

If you have things to add please please please feel free! I’m so interested to see what everyone else sees.

[kaleidosouls]

SU reclaimed pearl rambles

im gonna use some annoying comments i got on my reclaimed pearl as a springboard for what i think could be interesting discussion because i think its good to engage with criticism/different opinions. but also if you talk to me like an asshole i want you to fuck off and i promised i wouldnt engage in that kind of stuff bc its not good for me and it doesnt Look good for me either.

so i can talk about my thoughts but not engage directly, win win. its been months but im still really fond of the pearl i made specially this art. like it coudl be better but i like it well enough. just a little header so this isnt a boring post with only text

i think like, its good to establish ground rules that like, i think most of the poor reactions ive seen towards my art were missing, mostly in bad faith probably but in case theres ppl who earnestly want to understand. actually maybe i can format it like a little FAQ even though theyre not frequent or asked lskdjg just for outlining my points. ill put it behind a cut but ill frontline w this: if youre a fan of pearl in the show, this content is not for you. youre allowed to like whatever you want and so am i. if you like her, we probably wont get along and you probably will feel very personally irritated by how i FEEL about her, so just walk away now. im not gonna engage with petty shit taht juts boils down to 'im mad you dont like what i like'

onwards to more rambling / sorta responding to some criticism

i scrolled back and i guess i sorta never have actually done a proper full explanation post about this AU have i? or maybe i have and deleted it, i forgor

why did you change pearl?

because i hate her, simple as. i went from a huge SU fan to hating watching it (i did finish) and pearl is probably The biggest reason why, as like issues with her character seep into other aspects of the show that i also hate. like i mean i Realyl hate her. she makes the experience of watching the show really irritating and miserable for me. if you dont feel taht way about her thats totally normal and whatever but no one is gonna change my experience and feelings that i had watching SU since the 1st season was coming out.; anyway answering. there is a Lot i love about SU and want to engage with, so i had the idea of like,maybe ill just change pearl, cause i wanted to delete her, really, but she is one of the main characters and she hasa function as a character that you cant just do away with. essentially im just like, some guy, who draws, coping and trying to reclaim his teenage investimetn in this show. literally its just for ME. but if anyone else feels like i do, then they can enjoy it too. if somoene doesnt feel like i do, go watch like pearl fancams or smth. like ill never be able to literlaly change the show as it is, like its happened, and its a tragedy im trying to move on from (begrudgingly)

why do you hate pearl?

the long laundry list of reasons are probably apparent in the ways i remade her lol (theyre not i can tell ppl are gonna project whatever worst bad faith reason for any change i make) but tbh the core of it is this, which is like, beyond whatever traits she has and whatever: she reminds me of my abusers. always had, from season 1, but like it became worse as the series went on. its like really infurating and upsetting to watch SU bc of her. had my abusers been a different kind of person, maybe i wouldnt hate her so much (kinda doubt tbh). like her personality and behavior are like hough disgosting!!

why did you change (some physical trait about her design)?

i dont really necessarily have a PROBLEM with canon pearls design. over the years ive come to like SU's style less and less but like, gestures, whatever. like i didnt like it or anything but its not like a bit deal compared to the actual offender that is her personality and behavior. the reason i redesigned her at all is bc like, if i hadnt, i would still be thinking about the way she is in canon all the time. like ive visually associated her like, appearance with all the shit about her thta makes me upset so i had to so she didnt look like the same person anymore, and i can try to let go of some of the hatred in my heart. like i want to think about the thigns about SU that i loved and also the potential i always saw in it and canon pearl is like, an active obstacle to that, to the point taht i cant even see her without getting like irked. i tried to keep enough similar traits so from a glance youd be like, who the fuck- is that pearl? rather than like. completely change her entirely to whatever i wanted. i do want to like, its a creative exercise. i want to try and change the things that would make me happy to see gone but try to work within the constraints of the SU we Did get as much as i can tolerate. bc like.... if the sky was the limit then at this poin wed just have to throw the whole thing away and start from scratch. like its kinda not really very salvageable, like im not rewirting SU to be like a Good show or fix Everything, its kinda too broken. im just chnaging enough so i can look at the actual show, screenshots, songs etc, and not feel overcome wtih like the grief and irriatation of how much it sucked ass. its just so i can enjoy more of it again

i dont like your redesign for (insert reason)

cool. thanks for your input. youre welcome! eat my asshole. seriously though, like, shrugs. i didnt make it for anyone other than myself. tbh im not fully satisfied with it either bc i think the SU style is kinda ugly, so im at a crossroads. should i mostly abandon the SU style? ive like, tested out tweaking things, it mightve been noticeable in screenshot redraws. drawing within the SU style is to create that coping 'oh it was totally like this haha' vibe but maybe im old enough to not need that anymore lol. like ive heard ppl say shit like shes ugly, or like sneakily trying to imply im like, got some agenda over beauty or racism etc. like whatever, think whatever you want, its not for you. go back to sucking up to rebecca or smth like i cant take the og pearl away from you still i am open for like that kind of criticism like, do i have personal biases affecting my design decisions? probably. i do try to keep aware of why im choosing certain things, but really in this case i cant emphasize enough how like, irritating it is that i have to change her design at all. like its hard to come up w smth else when the rest of the cast ahs already been design to balance off the og pearl. i probably wouldnt change almost anything if the sight of her didnt piss me the fuck off! most of all i kinda wouldve preferred to keep her hair short bc it messes up the sillouete but it makes me think too much of canon pearl so i made it long :/ i was like let me tell you my design thought process: -im gonna try to keep as many recognizable traits about her design while taking away bit by bit until she doesnt look like the og pearl to me anymore and i dont feel angry seeing her. pearl is lanky, tall, spindly, with a gem on the forehead, blue white pink yellow pastel colors, large pointed nose. i kinda tried to keep these traits while slightly tweaking their design until she looked different enough. is it a good design? eh idk. like the purpose is to make me not hate her and it does that job

now this hate comment im gonna grace with keeping it intact except removing the person bc its not about them. its like, a very stupid ass headed comment but im actually kind of interested in like,jumping off of it to ponder some things

im not heterosexual or cis enough to know what exactly wife bate means in this context so im gonna like guess, that maybe i could extract this q from that reply (also not looking like shes from steven universe is a compliment thanks)

you took away her personality and made her boring

the only thing i can assume is that like, some people must interpret the absence of an assholey personality or like abusive behavior is 'boring'. i know thats a really bad faith assumption but like, if ive written down a bunch of personality traits and you still come out saying thats 'no personality' what am i to make of that lol. based on my experience like Existing online, people tend to often call nice characters 'boring', like dude ive done it before, but i think im kinda over that edgy phase. also again, its for me and not for you so if you think shes boring, thanks for your input i dont care. but thinkign about it earnestly, i dfeintely dont want to make a character thats just no flaw and not interesting ofc, i havent done that with reclaimed pearl. that being said i havent like, probably written a lot demonstrating what i want her to be like instead of the canon pearl so, maybe ppl just are feeling lost with the lack of information.

personally, if i hear someone thinks a character is boring bc theyre not abusive anymore like, nothing of value has been lost. but characters do need flaws in order to create conflict and cause things to happen, like in a way canon pearl is like All flaw, which wouldnt be a problem except she gets away wtih all the horrible shit she did. heres some traits i want to explore with reclaimed pearl, some are similar to canon i just wanna go about it a different way: being overprotective/possessive to steven in a smothering way, projecting abandonment issues, not reaching out/communicating her emotions properly, lacking indepedence/self worth, depending on others to avoid confronting her own issues, being very passive and insecure and lacking initiative (this being the totally opposite trait that canon pearl has), stunting stevens development due to her not being ready for him to grow up and not need her anymore. and more, this is just from the top of my head. maybe thats still too 'boring' for ppl because shes not being selfish and inconsiderate enough to others so you can relate to her but i dont care :p

gosh how do i go about like, presenting the content i ahve in my head for this AU).. i cantjust remake the whole damn show. i would if i could, tbh

i have concerns about racist implications wrt (insert thing here about my redesign)

imma be frank. i dont know how to compltely 'clean up' any possible bad associations wrt pearl as a character given how like, rebecca has literally like, made her to be a slave in love with her slave owner and made it to be like, an uwu ideal lesbiab thing for most of the show until they tried to pretend no we understood the flaws in this dynamic all along and its bad actually , uhh, anyway shows over haha

ill say the main reason i changed her skintone is, bc that would be the like most instant way to make her look differnt from canon (which is vital for me for the reasons said above), and i did consider like, does this make the whole thing worse, or, ?? like, as they made it in the show, techincally All the gems are slaves to the diamonds, arent they? including all the very totally progressive poc based gems including and specially the ones who are made to be understood as black women. bruh like idk what to tell you this show is just fuckig bad sdlgkj like its just way too like, pervasive in my teen years forme to throw the baby w the bathwater entirely. and ill just straight up say it, like, im not a specialist on these topics nor do i hav ea position of authority to speak on about it. like the pearls read more clearly as slaves (very intentionally by the showrunners) bc they are meant to be subservient to gems Other than diamonds. and also bc they like fit in the stereotype of housemaid servant. like the rubies being made to just be forced to go and fight like they are slaves too, they have no rights and no like, authority to disobey or autonomy. but fsr like, slavery as in physical labor just doesnt immeidately set off ppls alarms as much as housework slavery does fsr.

i can only rly like change the canon so much and try to like, tweak things so it doesn feel as gross but i think for it to be cmpletely not insneistive at all youd have to throw away the whole show. and like i said, this isnt like me saying like im making the show good or as it shouldve been, im making it so I (and ppl who share my feelings about the show) can feel less shitty just thinking back to it. its just an exercise. im not like mass media im just one independent artist and shit will come out insensitve sometimes and im sorry but im also like, my art isnt meant to be representative and like, responsiuble for fixing all of society and racism like i actually cant do that. ill just do the best i can as an asian dude but like, if my work makes you upset, im sorry, but also just block me. like i cant please everyone. or like, even better, make YOUR take on pearl taht you feel would be better, like make the art you feel should exist.

this post is too damn long and id be surprised if anyone reads all of it but if you do, tahnk you! i felt kinda like ready to fight tonight so im triyng to redirect it from aggression to like, thinking. i cant guarantee im making new content for su reclaimed anytime soon but i would really like to, tbh

[my-jokes-are-my-armour]

You know, I always try to understand human reaction to something that I don't experience the same way. Because trying to put myself in other people shoes is something important to me, even if it is disturbing. It doesn't mean I will be OK with their version, but sometimes it helps me to find gray ground when I can be too passionate myself.

The whole "Jaskier hair do style thing" is right in my "I don't get it" spot, because it involves attraction.

I already told this but, it took me a very long time to understand that I didn't feel attraction the same way than most people around me, as I was growing up. Especially that I never have any sexual impulse when I found somebody attractive. I was putting the word because I thought that was similar for the other, hearing how they fancy some people. Also, while I recognise beauty, I am not feeling a thing for it.

I remember in my teenage years, having the weirdest "crush" in regard of my friends. For them, my crushes were ugly and I was strange. So I was saying : "they have charisma. I am attracted to that". Which was not completely false.

It's in my early thirties, when I manage to understand that I was ace, that I began to connect the dots and put words on the way I feel attraction. What charismatic traits I was attracted to in someone. And it changes with every person.

Very often though, I was attracted by someone's voice or way of speaking.

This is definitely the case for Joey for example. He is handsome in many aspect but, his overall softness (eyes, voice, demeanor) and the way he speaks (use words even) attract me a lot. For those who like my "cute joey overload" series, you will notice that the vast majority has him actually speaking. Because well, this is how it works for me 🤷🏽‍♀️.

For instance, in my teenage years, my actor "crush" was Alan Rickman when all my friend were falling for young DiCaprio. And I had never ceased to find him attractive when he aged, got fatter, and had less hair. For me Alan Rickman was magnetic. There was a softness in his eyes and when he spoke, I was glued to the screen.

The thing that startles me with the Jaskier's hair thing is that when I read very angry posts, comments or whatever about it, is not "they made him ugly" that I see but "they could hide imperfections better so I can still find him attractive the way I used to" (or for a part simply "here another reason to hate the show").

Also this is not a bad wig we are talking about this time, but his real hair. Don't forget that.

Sure they could have done something else. I see this is not the prettiest look. But I really don't see ugly there and I find him attractive the same way. I am not blind to beauty canon, really. And I genuinely can't find him ugly now.

The problem I have with the general rant about the way they made his hair is that it shows how uncanny normal imperfections have become to a lot of people. Especially in the online sphere.

There is a thin frontier between saying a preference about physical trait and actually make a person insecure about it. So be careful. Social media has a tendency to amply things as we find people with the same tastes.

Joey isn't reading any of this so I don't worry about him. And I won't make assumption about the way he sees himself. Maybe he doesn't like Jaskier's haircut. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't care. The only way the "they did him dirty" kind of comments would make sense to me would be if Joey himself says that he didn't like the way he looked here.

All I want to point out is that massive complainings about a physical thing can have repercussions.

It reminds me a youtuber I like, that has what I call "non typical canon beauty". He is not the one who has to most body shaming overall but it's there.

He is a bit short, with slight proportion issues, he is hairy, pear shaped and not muscular. I bet that the mental image you have with this description is not pretty at all. This is just a list of things that are commonly seen as not attractive and that he can be described with. But the guy is normal.

Early on, he seemed not to worry about the hairy part for example. One day, in one video, he pulled his shirt up a little bit to open a bottle with it. And people saw for the first time how hairy he really was. People thought they were joking, calling him Chewbacca for instance, or thought that stating that he should learn to use a razor was relevant. They found many ways to describe his hairyness, having fun about that.

Some time later he made a vlog where he drives a sort of submarine bike. The guy had shaved completely to appear topless... But people noticed the other imperfections. They joked about his lack of muscle. The next video he had to swim in a vlog, he went all covered, and people were like "why has he his shirt on ?" Really ? You really wondered why...

Now he almost never have clothes that let appear imperfections and hide if he has to remove layers. He is not shy to say that he has a poor appreciation of his body for a long time, but I guess the constant comments on the way he looked when showing "imperfections" didn't help with that.

And you know this one had to deal with unpleasant comments to say the least, even in the weirdest context. Like, he has a condition that gave him terrible sight. He had the cataract operation before his thirties to prevent him becoming blind later. In the first months after the operation he very happy to not have to wear contact lens or glasses. But then, his sight deteriorated again. Now, he often not wears glasses in his videos but he can't get without it quite often too, so sometimes he puts them on. When he first began to appear with glasses again, people joked about the fact that the operation failed. Like wtf !

Now people are used to it so it stopped but I was shocked it happened at all.

He had many remarks on his short stature or body shape over the years. It tend to have almost stopped now, fortunately. But sometimes it happens again when some imperfections are more apparent.

So now I want to understand. Can you tell me at which point someone is "uglified ?"

Here is the youtuber I am talking about.

The first picture, he was all groomed for someone else video. Second one, it's Instagram pose for a joke. The clothes are not pretty, but the angle is chosen to make him appear taller than he is, and hide some "imperfections". The last one is his more natural appearance, during one of his videos and we can see "imperfections".

If the first and the third had been reversed. Like, the first one would have been the way he chooses to appear for his content and the third the way someone else chooses for him. Would you say they uglified him then ?

He is as attractive in each picture to me, because what attracts me is something else I guess.

So it is the same for the new Jaskier look for me. I see what you don't like. I see some not flattering choices by the stylists team I guess. Could have it been something else ? More appealing ? Yeah maybe. This is my step toward you. But this is as far as I can get.

I don't see someone that turned ugly because of that. And most of all I don't feel angry about it.

I find Joey equally attractive now than he's always been.

Maybe you just don't like when imperfections are more apparent or certain hair cuts etc. Tastes and colors are your own. But ugly ? Really ?

1 : The new look. - 2 : The red carpet look for S2. - 3 : TAD photoshoot. - 4 : Live performing.

Is he less hot, in the first one, seeing those shots side by side ?

For me he has charisma over the charts in any occurrences (shown here or anywhere), he is simply better groomed or have a better angle or whatever in some of them. This is the same human being in the end 🥰.

[vigilskeep]

All your ocs are so fantastic im obessed! Youre especially good at mapping thematic flaws to balance you characters & make them compelling. Do you have any tips for creating multidimensional characters?

omg thank u!!! um some tips or at least some explanation of what i do. this is going to be pretty specific to making da ocs

1. don’t be afraid to give them a trait or have them make a choice that might make them controversial or unlikeable! i generally start with one or two strong character moves and that’s what i work back from to create the character. for my main warden, it was that she started out fairly loyal to the circle, she would eventually become a blood mage, and she would spare loghain. decisions like that avoid making a forgettable character just the same as everyone else’s, and figuring out sympathetic and realistic reasons for why characters would make those decisions usually turns up something super compelling

2. when you’re playing a quest or making a decision, think less abt what you would do or what’s objectively best and instead think: what’s my character’s frame of reference for this situation? your character’s background gives them a library of experiences to use to understand new situations. for a quick and simple example, my hawke’s entire raison d’être is protecting his family, especially his sister. so when npcs act in defence of their sisters—for example the elven brothers who defect to the qun at the end of act 2 to escape justice for taking revenge on their sister’s behalf, or the blood mage who tries to hunt the serial killer quentin because he killed his sister—he immediately relates and is 10x more likely to be on their side. equally, when he thinks characters haven’t fulfilled their responsibility to protect their family, especially mages in their family, he takes a particular and personal dislike to them. it’s the easiest way to make your character’s reactions and decisions feel very personal and character-building, and avoid quests feeling flat and unrelated to your character’s journey. and the games will actively try to give you these opportunities; there’s a reason i can think of a bunch of quests where sisters come up just off the top of my head

3. as an addition to the last point, try to work with what you’ve got and pick out some of the main themes of the game to centre your character’s main conflicts on. that way everything that happens is going to be about your character

4. pick at least one companion for them to not get along with, or at least have a da2 style grudgingly respectful rivalry with. unless it’s a distinct character trait of your protagonist to try very hard to get along with everybody—and that can work, especially if it’s sometimes a character flaw that they’re so willing to compromise and mediate—having opinions and disagreements humanises them. after all, there are no companions who get along with everybody or are universally liked and that’s on purpose: it makes them realistic. why should your protagonist be any different?

5. this is a pretty standardised writing tip these days but i can’t go without mentioning it. a well written character does not have one pile of good traits and one pile of bad traits to counter. a well written character has traits, which are good in some situations and bad in others. hmm what are some da examples that are easy to pin down. fenris and morrigan are wary: it has helped them survive years of being hunted in their lives as very visible outsiders, but it also keeps them from putting down roots and connecting to others, encourages their prejudices, and makes them dismiss as fools those who seem more trusting. velanna and leliana are defensive: it makes them fierce advocates of their beliefs and prevents them sacrificing who they are to get along with others, but it also means they are quick to judge, overreact to criticism, and are easy to rile up and make fun of. loghain and first enchanter irving are pragmatic: it makes them great tactical leaders, but also makes them willing to sacrifice principles and people. none of these are inherently bad qualities, it’s just part of who people are, and only circumstances—as well perhaps as their ability to recognise their own limitations—will determine whether or not it turns out well in a given situation

6. use this sparingly to make it work properly, but people aren’t completely cohesive and clear, and major out of character decisions—and what would push them to do something so out of character—can be as defining as their usual behaviour. for example, my warden begins her story as a circle mage generally compliant with/an apologist for the circle, deeply loyal to irving. the fact that despite this she loves jowan enough to still not betray him is one of the cornerstones of her character

7. if nobody could have a completely fair evidence-based reason to actively dislike your character then you probably need to go back to the drawing board

this got way longer than i thought it would. anyway that’s my process none of it is universally required but i hope it’s a helpful start. thanks for asking!

[takeariskao3]

Hey Hannah, could we get some headcanons of Hinny in TPFY and AG? I just want to see how they differentiate between the two stories.

it's so funny to me that this time last year i was asking myself this exact question. but i haven't done this little thought experiment for quite a while because pretty quickly the two ginnys solidified into very different versions her and they definitely take up very different headspaces throughout the stories. honestly even in my own planning and perceptions of them.. they are two very separate people. that sounds so weird because in theory they ARE the same character, but at the same time i did have to find some differences to make the fics unique, and for the prose and narration to sound fresh.

with that being said, this is going to be so disorganized and disjointed. i already know half of it isn't going to make sense to anyone but me, but life is nuts, it's where my head's at right now, and i can't change it.

here goes nothing

i guess i can start with how they are similar? in both stories, the seven books are canon. they are a great foundation and framework for me to work in, i know each book like the back of my hand and i really had no desire to try to tweak or change anything in the original text.

HOWEVER, the main difference between the two, is the path from you is not epilogue compliant. and that was born from several questions that haunted me for about a decade before i even had the idea or the inclination to write hp fanfiction. but the main two i wanted to explore and answer were 1) did ginny really know it was harry that walked past her on his way to the forest? i'm pretty sure she did. so how does she react to something like that? how does that fit into their relationship arc and how does him not stopping parallel other things in their relationship? and 2) what happened to her at hogwarts in her 6th year? how did that affect her in the weeks, months, years afterward?

so why do those questions need to be explored and answered in an canon (read: epilogue) divergent setting? mostly because i didn't really like the epilogue (🤷) but also because it seemed like a two birds one stone situation. i needed time and space between 'the end' (chap 1, which really exists as a prologue?) and 'the beginning' (chap 2, which is when we pick up after the time jump). for maximum angst, tension, and storytelling potential.

so in short, tpfy!ginny is defined by her reaction to harry's march to death/faked death, and her reaction to her own experiences (trauma) during the occupied year at hogwarts.

once i had that story/plot idea in mind. i really started to try and shape ginny into a coherent personality. i mean we have the framework, right? we know what she's like at school, we know what her family and what her classmates say about her, and we know how she acts and interacts when she is in scenes with harry. but how does that become a person. i settled on five (ish) defining character traits (which are basically just a textbook enneagram 8)

Ginny is self-reliant and self-confident. she want's to prove her strength and resist any weakness, she wants to be important in the world, she wants to be a decision maker in her own life/situation, and she wants to be in control of those situations.

the main conflict then became, the way tpfy!ginny feels about harry makes her feel out of control, or another way of putting it, is she can't control how she feels about him. it's instinctual, overwhelming, and it scares her a bit because she doesn't feel like she is in control of her decisions when it comes to him. loving him, caring about him, putting his needs before hers, are all things that she does that don't feel like conscious decisions. this is directly at war with her base personality.

which i've got to say, has been so fun to write. i just torture her, i know i do.

moving on

already gone was born from a place of curiosity and literally took on three or even four different forms before it was an amenesia fic. i had spent nearly a year working on the path from you and was trying to find ways to piece harry and ginny back together again in this altered timeline, and one night i was just like.. 'how the fuck did they do this right away??' i really honestly just wanted to figure it out, for my own peace of mind. how did they get back together within a canon (read: epilogue) compliant timeline.

so i started brainstorming, and i wrote a really angsty post-war oneshot for @hinnyfied's birthday and i thought... this might be something. i might have something here.

but then i was like HOW is she different from tpfy!ginny? because she has to be... but she also still has to be ginny!? but for all the wonderful characteristics she possesses, those same traits can be her own worst enemy (which in tpfy they are)

so in already gone, what is the catalyst that sends her down a different path? i decided it was mostly pretty simple... ag!ginny, didn't make the connection, or at least didn't know for sure that harry walked by her on his way into the forest. the rustle she heard was just that, a rustle. i also decided that the events during her 6th year maybe weren't as horrifying(?), trauma inducing (?), specific to just her(?), as they are in tpfy.

but these were all decisions i made when i was just attempting to write a summer '98 a story.

i really didn't settle on the amnesia plot until two or three months later, because as much as i wanted that summer to be an angsty will they/won't they... it just wasn't. harry and ginny took on a completely different relationship arc than what i had planned and it became, not a story of reconciliation, which i so desperately wanted, but a story of mutual dependency, and the idea that home for them isn't a place, but a person. their relationship (and i do mean both of them, this isn't exclusive to just harry) post-war wasn't born out of shared interests, and sense of humor, and similar values, but of a deep understanding that some wounds don't heal, and some grief can't be quantified. but with that understanding, they can still move forward and live with it. as long as they're together.

so then i was a real bitch and i took it away.

whoops.

BUT THEN THE REALLY FUN PART STARTED HAPPENING

because while i like to assume ginny is deeply affected by her experience with the diary, by order of the phoenix she has either buried it so deep in an effort not to process, OR processed it enough that she can hide any lingering thoughts or actions that might still plague her because of it. she is not defined by her trauma. she has outwardly overcome.

she is also in her peak "i am over harry potter" phase.

like c'mon. that's hilarious. because she wakes up married to him.. and she is also thrown back into an (outwardly) well-adjusted mindset. which could possibly (i will neither confirm or deny this at present because spoilers) throw a big wrench into her relationship that is rooted in shared trauma and the understanding of that trauma. cannot stress this enough, already gone harry and ginny were and are co-dependent. but i sort of love that for them?

ANYWAYS

i've rambled enough. i hope this makes at least some sort of sense. and thanks so much for reading both stories!

[circular-jerkular]

Re: your question about frameworks other systems use for thinking about situations where system members have different beliefs, narratives, wants, urges, etc., The Fucked-Up Edition

It’s not something we talk much about, for a lot of reasons, but we definitely have parts of our system dynamic that just barely skirt the edges of pretty Messed Up—or actually just plain are Messed Up, just a somewhat-harm-reduced version. (And this is on top of a significant number of things—self-narratives, attractions, etc—about both of us individually that have very high Fucked-Up Potentials). I’m not going to bother getting more detailed, and just leave I at “we feel like this topic is definitely relevant to us too”.

To actually get into your question, pretty much the fundamental way we personally see ourselves as a system is that this is a relationship. “Parts of one self” has never really felt right to us (as you know, since you’ve heard us talk about it before lol), and a big reason why is that it’s never felt necessary, really? For instance, like you, we definitely see ways in which our various bits of Fucked Up Shit relate to each other’s experiences (and not only because a lot of it is in the relationships/connection/intimacy realm)—but, to us, it’s for the exact same reasons that singlets with Issues tend to gravitate towards partners with either parallel or directly-perpendicular traits to the (shitty) interpersonal dynamics they’re used to. Reenacting trauma in relationships and projecting your own needs and insecurities into partners is a timeless staple of couples therapy, and viewing ourselves through that lens makes sense to us. Yeah, it’s not like either one of us could just “break up and move out” if our relationship went to hell, but there’s plenty of partners who are working through very tough stuff together and still fundamentally committed to getting through it side by side.

As for specific harmful traits or behaviors, it doesn’t (again, just personally) feel necessary to think of it in terms of “if one of us believes it, both of us do”, especially since it’s not like we think of one of us as The Problem and the other one as “just putting up with them.” No one’s getting exiled or isolated in order to try to pretend we don’t have problems, and we don’t need to individually also “own” every one of each other’s issues in order to help each other work on them. (Not that some of them aren’t genuinely shared, or that they don’t ever interact, because of course they do sometimes.)

And yeah, being a system means that we really have a front-row seat to each other’s monsters. But, well:

“We don't fall in love with people because they're good people. We fall in love with people whose darkness we recognise. You can fall in love with a person for all of the right reasons, but that kind of love can still fall apart. But when you fall in love with a person because your monsters have found a home in them-- that's the kind of love that owns your skin and bones. Love, I am convinced, is found in the darkness. It is the candle in the night.”

― C. JoyBell C.

Anyways, that’s our take. I think it’s interesting/neat how we tend to agree with a lot of the takeaway behaviors that you (and others) get to via parts language, while personally using an entirely different framework for getting there ourselves. Cheers

Fucking CHEERS INDIGO, and thank you for your ask. It was really nice to read through, and it’s always so interesting to see others perspectives.

For me… I mean, call me co-dependent, it’s accurate, but this reflects a lot of what me and my partner are. It’s been hard, recognizing that my relationship with them is fundamentally different than my relationship with my/ourselves. I can’t read their mind; I can’t understand their reactions as well as my own.

I think that’s why I gravitate towards parts language and part-of-a-whole mentality. It’s hard for me to see my relationship with my parts as anything similar to my relationship with people, particularly with how close I am to my parts.

It’s wild to hear how others experience it so much differently 💜