#what did they put in ralph macchio to make him like that

[msfbgraves]

Why does Terry think (lowkey believe?) that the Don “touched” Daniel? The fact that Terry lashed out and said that makes me think this has been at the back of his mind for a while. Yeah, the Don’s…a little too close and too cuddly with his boy, but we all know nothing happened. Maybe Daniel’s just too precious for his own good 😆 Terry almost comes off as being…a little insecure? Jealous too, of their relationship. Then again, Terry comes off as one of those deeply possessive Alphas who can’t stand when their omega even smiles at someone—especially another Alpha, even if they’re family! In another verse, Terry would lowkey be jealous of his own kids cuddling up with Daniel lmao.

The Watsonian explanation for that is simply that they're so close, so freely affectionate with each other, that Terry is:

absolutely jealous, it wasn't like that with his Daddy

he's obsessed with loyalty, how can Daniel's not be absolute to him?

He's an Alpha, and he knows from experience the effect omegas can have. Still he wasn't like that with Mandy (is that even true? These two are very, very close, if they are siblings).

I feel that, however determined I am about omegas especially being absolutely capable of having loving relationships with all genders, I would be lying if there wasn't something unique about the relationships between Alphas and omegas. It isn't as strong with Daniel and his two eldest siblings - they grew up with him as a kid brother who got sticky and wanted their toys and who they had to watch out for. But the Don did not grow up with omega family, by and large. And he's besotted with his youngest, in a way that you know you shouldn't play favourites, but he loves him and the boy is so affectionate and there's this hunger for tenderness inside most Alphas, and especially the Don because his life has been so tough. So now to have this sweet, kind, lovely, beautiful darling omega pup that wants nothing more than cuddles and piggyback rides and hugs and kisses, it nourished something inside him he didn't even know he needed. Is that all? Yes, because the Don is a man of great discipline who would never let it be anything other than that. Is that really all, though? No one's ever asked, of course, that would get them filleted, but yes, that is all because that is all the Don would ever allow it to be. Basta. That's his pup, how dare people.

Terry of course has heard many a sordid tale of "kitties" being "touched" by their Alpha parents, or family members, so he would be suspicious about that. Also the idea drives him half frantic, the Don somehow having that over him as well.

Daniel knows nothing like that ever happened, he's never feared it from his Pop, and it really pisses him off that Terry would be thinking something like that about his father, whom Daniel admires and loves so much, as if he wanted to come between them. Daniel is married to him and wears his mark, what more does Terry need?!

The Doylist reason is no, I did not put that in there on purpose, but people kept remarking on it and it is true that there is a lot of footage of De Niro playing Ralph Macchio's Dad, but that is nothing if not suggestive. And then, of course, there are pictures of De Niro with Ralph doing press, and there is still something there between them - great affection from Bobby's side, hero worship from Ralphie's side, and I get a sense that De Niro was trying to contain himself a little around Ralph. He's very ambivalent. Very, very close, in body language, but always turned away - he really never looks Ralph in the eye directly on photos when not in character. People say that is simply Bob being Bob, and sure, he's well known for that, but something about those pictures raises the same questions people have about the Don and Daniel: why the tension between them? I think it simply bled into the story.

[variousqueerthings]

so based on the movie I just watched + multiple other alan alda movies:

the theory I have is that after MASH basically nobody was writing the right kind of roles for him (including, unfortunately, himself)/casting him in the right kinds of roles. no idea to what extent this was due to his "what a nice guy" persona (which, you know, he disliked -- funny how I got into ralph macchio and then alan alda, who both suffered from being basically just not assholes in the industry), but also his own movies play into that as well!

His least interesting movies are when he's playing the straight man in a completely ordinary life in which there may be others making out-there decisions that he reacts to (but not always, sometimes it's just a host of straight-men)*.

*when I say straight man I mean in the comedic sense, not the queer sense, although he should have played more queers, he did it well

he's far better suited to the oddities, the bad guys, the larger-than-life, the flamboyant, the not-fitting-in, or on the flipside the grand, slimy upholder/benefitor of establishment -- he's interesting as a character-actor in Big things, you can't take your eyes off him! the best I can say of him in all of these other types of movies is that, yeah, he does an alright job, and he's... nice, idk. nice guy that boring guy in that movie.

(the closest we get in his own movies is sweet liberty, but also... the character in that movie is just alan alda 😂 I do want to watch the one he did with carol burnett in 1974 though, I think they bring out the best in each other -- I think if someone had given him a strict structure around which to write, like MASH was, he might have been able to push it more. This is the guy who wrote and directed "Dreams"!!!)

I don't know when he internalised the idea that he worked best just hanging about in these slice-of-life-with-nothing-happening comedy movies, but gosh do I keep wanting to go back in time and put him in something ridiculous like an over-the-top horror or voicing a silly character in an animated musical or some big drama film with Big emotions (and going by the ones I've seen, historical dramas suit him too).

why did they keep making him perform small emotions??? the guy grew up around burlesque performers, for goodness sake!

[kudosmyhero]

The Spectacular Spider-Man (vol. 1) #240: Revelations, part 1: Walking into Spiderwebs

Read Date: January 29, 2023 Cover Date: November 1996 ● Writer: Todd DeZago ● Penciler: Luke Ross ● Inker: John Stanisci ● Colorist: John Kalisz ● Letterer: Richard Starkings ● Editor: Ralph Macchio ●

**HERE BE SPOILERS: Skip ahead to the fan art/podcast to avoid spoilers

Reactions As I Read: ● "Walking into Spiderwebs"… title inspired by No Doubt'? the timing is right. ah, late 90s/early 00s music was my fave! ● MJ is heckin proggers ● idyllic scene with Peter and MJ walking through a neighborhood resplendent with autumn foliage and Halloween decorations ● heh, not-so-subtle clue behind Alison Mongrain about what we can expect her personality to be?

● I'm lost on this clone stuff. I hope the accompanying podcast explains it a bit… ● how did this Trainer dude betray Ben, I wonder ● squeak Liz Allan is talking to Foggy! ● gasp FOG-GY you dog! they're dating? ● if Ben and Peter are clones, why don't they look the same? ● RIP, Trainer. and who is that?? ● 👏👏👏👏

Synopsis: In the ruins of the Multivex Corporation, Seward Trainer has completed repairing the device that will regenerate his withered body. Gaunt warns Trainer that he will tolerate no further failures. That's when they are visited by Gaunt's mysterious employer, who orders Seward to hurry as he is preparing to initiate his plans that will finally see the destruction of Peter Parker and Spider-Man. Seeing who this person comes to a total shock to Trainer, who realizes that Ben Reilly is in deadly danger and tries to think of some way he can warn his friend.

Meanwhile, in Queens, Peter and Mary Jane are arguing over the facts of an old Bugs Bunny cartoon as they wait for a bus. The bus soon arrives and Peter's pregnant wife boards it so she can ride into Manhattan for a shopping trip with her Aunt Anna. As soon as Mary Jane is gone, Ben Reilly drops out of the trees right on time for his meeting with Peter. At that moment, at the Daily Bugle, Ben Urich has gotten an unmarked envelope by registered courier. It appears to be a letter from Liz Osborn who has information she wants to provide him and asks for him to meet her at the Bugle at 10 pm that evening. Ben considers the good fortune he has making friend with Liz Osborn when he wrote his book on the Osborn empire. However, he is unaware that others in the building have also received similar black envelopes.

Later, Seward Trainer has managed to sneak away from his keepers and made it to Ben Reilly's apartment. However, as he knocks on the door he is ambushed by Gaunt, who is decked out in new cybernetic armor. Digging through the rubble for Trainer's body, Gaunt discovers that Seward somehow managed to slip away. While at the Daily Grind, Shirley Washington has just hired a new waitress named Alison Mongrain. Although Mongrain is warmly welcomed to the team, Shirley and her staff are put off by her cold personality. Back in Queens, Peter brings Ben Reilly up to the attic of their Aunt May's house. Peter explains that he and Mary Jane need to clear some space when they move in, and he wants Ben to go through things because they are his memories as well. Ben is touched by this, as when he was on the road for five years he lived a very minimalist lifestyle. Looking through all the belongings, Ben finds a photo of Peter Parker with his Aunt May and Uncle Ben. This brings both men to tears, as they both miss the two people who were like parents to them. That's when Peter opens up and tells Ben that when he was first told that he was a clone he freaked out, but he eventually learned from Ben's example how to live with the truth.

Back in the city, Seward Trainer has survived Gaunt's attempt on his life and trying to figure out what to do next. Spotting someone reading an issue of the Daily Bugle inspired Trainer to go to the Bugle building in the hopes of finding Peter Parker. That's when Gaunt catches up on Trainer and attempts to kill him again. However, Seward manages to flee the scene by hopping into a subway train. However, Gaunt rips open the subway car in the hopes of getting at him. Later, at the Osborn Industries Plant located at Islip, Long Island, Liz Osborn has taken a more active role in the company she inherited when her husband died. She is on the phone with her boyfriend and lawyer, Foggy Nelson. She has just got a letter from Ben Urich asking her to meet with him at the Daily Bugle that evening and asks Foggy to tag along with her. In Queens, Peter and Ben come across a box full of Peter's old books. They both reminisce about the good memories they had reading these books as a child. When they find their favorite book, Peter Pan, it prompts Peter to tell Ben something that he has kept secret since Aunt May's death. He tells her that on May's last day the pair took a trip to the Empire State Building where she revealed that he knew that Peter was Spider-Man for years and that she was very proud of him. He admits he kept this to himself, particularly after he learned he was a clone, as he wanted to keep that memory of his own. Ben understands and tells Peter that they need to stop letting themselves get distracted and get back to work.

Meanwhile, at the Daily Bugle, Paul Sousa the director of maintenance of the building interviews two recent hires. A lot of the staff suddenly quit and he has had to quickly hire new people. After reading the glowing references the two men received from their former employers -- Oscorp and Multivex respectively. At that moment, Seward Trainer emerges from the subway outside the Daily Bugle. However, he is attacked by Gaunt again and is forced to flee down an alley. As he begins making the distance between himself and Gaunt, Seward runs right into the arms of Gaunt's mysterious employer. Having grown tired of this loose end in his plans, the mystery man snaps Seward Trainer's neck, killing him instantly. By this time, Peter and Ben have become distracted again when they find Peter's old Battleship board game. They are interrupted by Mary Jane who calls to tell Peter that she and her Aunt Anna are going for lunch at the Daily Grind and asks her husband and Ben to join them. They agree, unaware that Gaunt's mysterious employer has been listening in on their conversation and has other plans for the Parkers and Ben Reilly.

This story continues in Sensational Spider-Man #11…

(https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Spectacular_Spider-Man_Vol_1_240)

Fan Art: Pregnant Mary Jane Watson by Zedilll

Accompanying Podcast: ● Amazing Spider-Talk - "Revelations"

[disaster-by-chance]

Cobra Kai Episode 5 of S5.

1st off, that was such a great episode. I love it when the story focuses on the adults rather than the teens so I ate that shit up. That and I'm biased towards the number 5, but still, it's my new favorite episode since the introduction of Mike Barnes episode.

2nd off, is it just me or does the music production seem to be a lot more engaging (??) and just a lot less royalty-free sounding this time around?? Like the whole scene with Terry kicking Larusso's ass, that was just,, it was on a level that I hadn't heard from Cobra Kai.

3rd off, beat up, sad, somewhat of a beard, hoodie-wearing Larusso is something I didn't know I needed but oh my god, I'm so glad I've got it. Yeah, I feel very bad for him but sir I'm looking respectfully while you angrily talk down your ex-rival and call him a pussy.

4th off, that whole scene with Jonny and Daniel in this episode was just great. It was nice to see them finally interact with each other in this season because I honestly love their dynamic.

Also, also it was during that particular scene where my family was just sitting there quiet, waiting for like what was going to come out of Daniel suddenly showing up at Jonny's and whatnot when the youngest just went, "Are they going to smooch?"

Just totally unprompted, "Are they going to smooch? They should smooch. It looks like they're going to smooch."

I mean, I'm sure we were all thinking it but still.

All in all though, good episode. Terry Silvers is genuinely terrifying and I wish the whole shit going around Miguel, Robby, Jonny, and Carmen was handled differently than what's happening in the show, but ah well,, I guess? Throw in a baby.

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S3:E3; Chapter Three, The Case of The Missing Lifeguard - [Pt. 1]

A Will Byers x Reader Series

𝘌𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘋&𝘋. 𝘋𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘙𝘰𝘣𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘶𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦.

⚠️: more Billy/Mind Flayer shenanigans, more Y/n being Not Straight™️ and slight, whatever the huffy, whiney hell Hopper was during a majority of the season

📝: yall, idk how to describe hairstyles so I'm gonna clear it up now; the hairstyle Y/n is doing on El is the coil ponytail she wears at the end in That Scene™️ 🥲🚚👋📝🛣

Yes, I regret the whole "sisters" failsafe I put in specifically to stop myself. But as it turns out, no I cannot suppress the gay. So innocent, mutual pining ahead! 🥳🎉🌈

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

A pair of sock-covered feet bounce happily on the carpeted floor as Madonna's Angel blasts through the radio on the dresser. Max jumps back and forth on El's bedroom carpet, singing into the hairbrush she had found on the nightstand. Beside her, sitting on the bed is the girl herself, sporting her new colorful look; engrossed in a selection of teen magazines that are splayed out before her.

"You must be an angel,"

El bobs her head along with the tune, careful of Y/n's hand weaving through her hair from where she's kneeled behind her on the bed. She grins up at Max before going back to her work, her lips moving as she silently sings along.

"I can see it in your eyes,"

Y/n finishes the last coil behind El's left ear, and pulls it together with the other, merging her hair into a ponytail at the nape of her neck. After she tightens the bright blue scrunchie one last time, she mutters a defeated, "Alright. I tried," before she maneuvers around El across the mattress and allows herself to fall back on the right side of the bed, her head propped up on the rows of pillows. She grabs a magazine, boredly sifting through it while El delicately feels around the back of her head with a smile, admiring Y/n's work.

"Full of wonder and surprise,"

El's attention quickly returns to the magazine in her hands when she flips the page. She has to turn it sideways to see the whole thing. A young man, who El guessed to be just a little older than Steve, was smiling back at her.

Max's singing and dancing come to a slow when she notices El lingering on the page. With a chuckle, she discards the hairbrush from where she found it and kneels beside the bed.

"Oh, you found Ralph Macchio," Max simpers.

"Macchio?" El asks with a smile.

"Yeah," Max nods. "he's the Karate Kid,"

Both and El and Y/n jump when Max suddenly cuts the air in a mock karate chop and yells, "Hai-yah!"

They giggle and Y/n just rolls her eyes playfully. Particularly, at what comes next.

"He's so hot, right?" Max asks.

An amused grin glues itself to Y/n's face as her eyes peek out over the top of magazines to catch El's reaction. Y/n's smile spreads, buried under the pages when she sees El's face lit up in a blush.

"I bet he's an amazing kisser, too," Max says, drawing out a funny look in El's eyes. "Hey, uh,"

Y/n finds her eyes drawn to Max when she feels the old mattress dip a little under her weight. She notices a funny, almost intrigued look on her face.

"is Mike a good kisser?" She asks.

Y/n lets out an involuntarily "Blech!" At the question, discarding her magazine back to the pile with her nose scrunched up in disgust despite the smile still on her lips.

El laughs at Y/n, lightly shoving her knees that sat propped up above her as she shoots her a smile. "Not 'blech',"

Y/n has to readjust her head on the pillows to gawk up at El properly, a funny look hidden in her eyes.

"Wait, so is he like, actually," Y/n makes another face, failing to get through the sentence with a straight face. She laughs a little, putting a mocking tone in her voice. "'good' at kissing?"

El doesn't answer right away, much too confused with the direction this conversation had gone. She blushes again, giving her awaiting friends a bashful shrug.

"I don't know. He's my first boyfriend,"

Max is quick to correct her, but she does so gently. "Ex-boyfriend,"

El's face falls.

But Max is also quick to console her. She lands a gentle hand on El's shoulder, her voice going soft.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Okay?" El still doesn't seem too sure. "He'll come crawling back to you in no time, begging for forgiveness."

Y/n subconsciously fiddles with the ring pop still on her finger, a thin sheet of plastic still covering the candy diamond.

"I guarantee you, him and Lucas are, like, totally wallowing in self-pity and misery right now," Max's face scrunches up as she mocks the aforementioned exes. "They're like, 'Oh, I hope they take us back!'"

Y/n laughs, her left hand lightly smacking Max's arm, grabbing her attention.

"Yeah, but, Mike's probably more like," Max fights a sudden laugh when she catches the knowing look in Y/n's eyes. "'I hope they take us back! They have to—'"

Neither Max nor Y/n can fight the grin breaking out on both their faces as they finish in perfect sync.

-"take us back! Nyeh-nyeh-NYEH!"

Once again delightfully confused, El's stare travels between her newest best friend and her oldest; a warm feeling burrowing deep in her chest and gut, her stomach aflutter as she laughs with them.

"God, what I wouldn't give to see the look on their stupid faces," Max says, shaking her head wistfully.

El goes quiet, something neither of her friends miss.

"What is it?" Max asks.

That seems to snap everything into place, and Y/n props herself up on her hands. There's enough mischief in her eyes to match El's, and she quirks a brow.

"Wait. Are you serious?"

El only smirks, shrugging her shoulders.

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Max asks, only to find herself under two impish stares.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

El sits cross-legged against her dresser, the radio switched to static sitting just above her head. In her hands is the multi-colored headband Y/n had gifted to her over the holidays when her hair started to fall in her face. They both knew it could also double as a comfortable, makeshift blindfold in case she ever found herself traveling to the void again.

As she prepared to do now.

She hooks the headband over her head, pulling it down over her eyes as Y/n and Max took a seat.

"Is this really gonna work?" Max asks excitedly from where she's perched on the edge of the bed.

El nods, and Max's face lights up in awe.

"Holy shit, this is insane-!"

"Max."

"Right, quiet. I'm sorry,"

Y/n chuckles up at her noiselessly, completely understanding the excitement of it all. Particularly, since she had never once witnessed El demonstrating these powers unless it had been necessary.

Then came the waiting part.

Y/n had forgotten about the waiting.

It was all they could do. Wait as they watch El draw in a deep breath, allowing her mind to reach out to the person it had most.

She feels the imaginary water at her feet first, as she always did. It didn't take her as long as it used to to fine-tune the distorted voices cutting in and out, much like what she found her radio to do sometimes. But she did it soon enough.

She's back in the void, for the first time in a long while.

Part of her was worried it would be harder without as much practice as she got last year, but it wasn't.

The image that lay ahead of her was clear, the voices even clearer.

"What did I do wrong? What could I have done wrong?"

Mike.

He was laying on the couch. The one from his basement. El recognized it immediately.

And he wasn't alone, that much she  had suspected.

"Do I have to go through this again?" Lucas asks, sounding tired.

He was pacing around the couch, rubbing his face. Will was with them, he was hovering over the small table she had sat at only years ago.

"I see them," El says.

Max lowers herself to the carpet, sitting next to Y/n who leans in curiously.

"What are they doing?" Y/n asks.

"Eating."

The crunch of Dorito chips Mike had shoved into his mouth was loud enough to echo out across the entire void. He continues through an obnoxious mouthful.

"I just don't understand what I did to deserve this,"

El has neared them now, and she turns her head curiously to Will when he scoffed. He looked frustrated, and he sounded it too. But El could tell he was trying to fight it for the sake of his friends' feelings.

"Look, it sucks that that happened," he says. "But why don't you guys try and take your mind off of it for-"

"For the last time, Will. No! Not now," Lucas says, turning away just in time to miss the boy's shoulders slump. He back to Mike, releasing a heavy sigh. "You didn't do anything, Mike. That's my whole point. You're the victim here."

El's eyes fall back to Mike, not all sure about what she was feeling.

"I know," he cries out. "It's just, why is she treating me this way?"

"Mike-"

"I don't know." Frustrated, he shakes his head. "What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong?!"

"Mike, stop it!" Will has to yell to be heard, but his friends eventually turn their attention his way. "you know what you did wrong!"

They watch him carefully, as does El.

Just grateful to have their attention, he softens just a notch "You messed up, alright? But there's just not much you can do right now,"

"He's right," Lucas sighs, bending over to move Mike's feet out of to make room before taking a seat. "I mean, we told the truth and everything,"

Will let out a bitter laugh. "No, you didn't! You got caught! You told them you were shopping for them, but that's it. You still kept lying about your Nana,"

Max and Y/n watch El carefully, the only indication something had happened came from her angered sigh.

"They lied about Nana," she says finally.

"Oh, I knew it," Max hissed.

Y/n merely placed her forehead in her hands tiredly as she waited for more information.

"But we still tried! That's gotta count for something," Mike cries, stuffing more food into his mouth. "I mean, shouldn't that count for something?"

"Mike, relax. Just... relax," Lucas sighs into his hands yet again, clearly exasperated. "And stop asking rational questions."

"I know, I know. You're right," Mike sighs. His expression quickly turned bitter as he sent his friends a sour look. "Because women act on emotion and not logic,"

"Precisely," Lucas nods. "It's a totally different species."

El's breathing grows deeper and for a moment the pair of friends fear the worst. But the truth was, while El didn't quite exactly know what they were saying, she knew it was foul.

"They say we are 'species'."

-"What?"

-"Come again?"

"'Emotion, not logic."

-"What?"

-"Come again?"

Will shifted on his feet, looking unsure as to what to say, or if he should at all.

"Will is upset,"

Y/n scoffs, looking between Max and El. "He should be if they're saying that shit." She fires, worry briefly taking over her anger over the doubtful thought seeded in her mind. Quickly she leaned forward.

"Wait, he wasn't saying that was he?"

Relief sweep over her when El shakes her head.

She finds her eyes on him again, looking as if he was trying too hard to fit in and not say the wrong thing. El hadn't known him for terribly long, but she knew enough to realize this shouldn't be normal.

"Guys," he says, his eyes darting to the small table he had been setting up. "Come on, it's ready. You already said you'd play a month ago when Dustin got back. I've been planning ever since! And I really think it'll help take your mind off of all this."

Lucas groans.

"Will! We already told you. Not right now," he shakes his head as if scolding a small child.

"They are upset with him."

"Why?" Y/n pressed, sharing an equally concerned look with Max.

"They broke up with you, what else is there to talk about?"

"Easy for you to say, you still have a girlfriend!" Mike throws back.

"'Easy for Will to say,'" El repeats.

Y/n could only imagine what they were putting Will through right now. Or just what her words could mean. Her guilt from having to cancel weighed heavier and heavier.

"He says..."

They all watch, El included, as all his frustrations boil over.

"Well, none of that matters now, does it?!"

Shocked at his outburst, Lucas and Mike break into matching, sour grins nevertheless.

"Then join us, Will," Mike says, sharing a smirk with Lucas. "Join us in trying to figure the greatest mystery of all; the female species!"

"What? What's he saying?" Y/n asked.

But she receives no answer. El had fallen quiet.

El cocks her head, her glare thrown to each boy like daggers, feeling an anger of her own. As well as a protectiveness.

That didn't last long, however. Not moments after, Mike seemed to be challenging his own foul behavior. His mouth opened up wide, letting loose a deep and billowing belch.

"Dude," Mike laughed lazily, gesturing around him as he grinned up at his friends. "You can smell the nacho cheese,"

El recoiled, her upper lip hooking in a grimace both in and out of the void.

She's relieved to see even one of them disgusted by his antics — Will, but it doesn't change her annoyance. But it was better, and far less confusing than Lucas who broke out in a sly grin.

"I get that beat,"

"What?" Mike mumbles in between picking his teeth with his tongue.

Baffled, El looks to Will again whose face pales. He quickly shakes his head, his words pleading.

"Oh, no."

"No, Lucas," Mike says, jumping in. "No!"

El watches curiously as Lucas's grin stretches wider — "No, Lucas!" — and he lifts his right leg — "Lucas! LUCAS!" — and...

El stumbles back in shock when the sound hits suddenly. It echoed louder than the burp had — far louder — and only grows louder as Lucas lifts his leg higher.

El rips the headband off her head to reveal her widened eyes, her shoulders moving and falling in a panicked-like state.

Never blinking, her mouth still wrenched open in shock, she turns to gape at her friends.

"What happened?"

She didn't answer.

"Are you okay?" Y/n pressed, fearing the worst.

She breaks out in a grin, a fit of sudden giggles sent her slouching into the carpet and her head landing in Y/n's lap. Max and Y/n welcomed her reaction with open arms, her infectious laughter spreading to them despite the utter bewilderment they were feeling. Y/n looked down at her friend, trying not to laugh.

El managed to peel her eyes open long enough to see Y/n's crooked smile poking into her view of the ceiling and she loses it all over again.

"What?" She laughs.

"What happened?"

El clutched her aching sides. Every time she tried to speak, the silliness of it all stole her words all over again.

It had been completely revolting and

angering. But it was also the most fun she'd ever had in that horrible place. This also being why it was so hard to wipe the smile from her face.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

Will stumbled back as far away as possible from the massive stink cloud he was sure would drown him. Mike had stumbled off the couch, waving at the air as Will buried his nose in his shirt.

"Oh, man," Mike groans. "what the hell, Lucas?"

"Come on, that was impressive,"

"So was Will," Mike shoots him a knowing smirk. "Finally realizing the frustrations of the female species,"

"That wasn't what I said," he shakes his head, growing angrier by the second. "I said it doesn't matter if I have a girlfriend or not right now cause I can't see her! Both of us have to clean up your messes and it's the same reason why we missed our six month anniversary last month,"

Both Mike and Lucas wince. "Congrats?"

Will sighs, throwing himself in his seat at the D&D table.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

The cabin's front door was nearly thrown off its hinges as an inebriated Hopper stumbled across the threshold. The door slammed shut behind him, shaking the room as he huffed and puffed. Several times he nearly lost his balance just standing still, but despite the blurred vision and numbed senses he could still make out the muffled radio from his daughter's room.

That wasn't good. At least, that's all Hopper could comprehend right away before he pieced together why; that always meant Mike was here.

And the door was shut.

"Hey!" No response. "Hey!"

The ache of rejection and embarrassment he had been feeling all night had been drowned in bottles of wine from Enzo's, numbing a great deal when Joyce had failed to show. But it couldn't quite extinguish his anger, and that was all that was left now. And he had no problem channeling that into this moment.

In his drunken state, he manages to march across the living room without stumbling into anything and his voice rises behind his gritted teeth.

"When I say three inches, three-"

A small yelp and a short burst of hot hair stinging his sweating skin and knocking over the lamp on the desk was the first thing he registered after the boom of the door being busted open. Before him, was the sight of El and her friends lounging across her floor, flipping through magazines and gawking up at him.

He realized then what had happened judging by Y/n drawing in a deep breath, and dropping her head into her hands. She had clearly been especially startled being so close to the door and had inadvertently created a mini shockwave that swept across every loose item in the room. He could hear her cursing into her hands as Max glared up at him.

"Do you knock?! Jeez!"

"Yeah!" El repeated. "Jeez!"

At that moment, Hopper couldn't remember a time he had back-pedaled so quickly. He could hear his slurred words stringing together a nervous apology.

"Wo-wo-oh, hey," he gulps. "I'm sorry."

The three girls continue to gawk up at him from the floor.

"I thought that, uh-,"

"If you were expecting Mike, he isn't here," Y/n said.

"We wanted to have a sleepover," El says, still beyond excited at the thought of having one since Y/n told her about them almost a year ago. "Is that...okay?"

"Yeah,"

The word fell out of Hopper's mouth before he could will it, his entire demeanor melting away in relief.

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah," he said, his voice going higher than normal as he stumbled through the tension. "Your parents know you guys are here?"

"Yup," Max says, and Y/n nods.

Blazing through the past few moments, or at least attempting to, Hopper waves his arm dismissively and his slurring intensifies.

"Uh, yeah, it's cool. Yeah. That's-That's really cool."

This was great! His "heart-to-heart" had worked. At least the way he did it. He couldn't count on his hands the number of times he had asked El about the others; silently hoping she'd take the hint and get him out of long, awkward discussion. But she never had, she only went on about Mike, and the more the summer stretched on the less he heard about Y/n or—

"Did you need something?" Max asks, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He hadn't realized he had been just standing there, swaying slightly and zoning out.

He was overstepping. He could see that now. And not just because of the embarrassment written all over his daughter's face.

"No, no," he says quickly, shaking his head and making a lazy grab for the doorknob. "Uh, I'll leave. I'll just let you... I'll leave you..."

His voice trails off before being swallowed completely when the door shuts with a click. For a moment, Hopper just stands there processing it all.

A smirk hooked his lips.

No Mike.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

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[deputychairman]

Karate Kid/Cobra Kai survey

I was generously tagged by @ghostalservice but even if i hadnt been i’d be answering this important piece of research 

It’s the year 2021 and you’re obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling? I’m unlocking new levels of cringe every day, babey! I’m cringe-bonding with some very fine people, I can’t look my own Pinterest in the eye, I’ve watched all of Ralph Macchio’s DWTS clips (for a given value of the word “watched” where it means “glanced at through my fingers every few seconds as my entire body curled up with secondhand embarrassment and overwhelming tenderness”). I don’t know HOW I’m feeling, exactly, but I sure am feeling a lot of it!

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series? I knew of it, I was like 6 and a tomboy when it came out (you know the kid who disappears in Stranger Things, Winona Ryder’s son? I looked like that until puberty) so I was absolutely the right demographic to get into it, but just didnt.

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character: DANIEL LARUSSO, always and forever! I’m embarrassed how much I care! I have to restrain myself from arguing with people who make mild jokes at his expense in the tags; he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever; toxic masculinity, I don’t know her; he invented dad cringe; he gives great head and loves to cuddle; he absolutely is traumatised by what Johnny Lawrence & the Cobras did to him and the whole Thing with Terry Silver but will always be all “what do you mean ‘trauma’ it wasn’t that bad hahaha!” While still telling at least the Johnny part with full drama “and then they pushed me off a CLIFF – but I’m fine hahaha!” He is holding his shit together like an eldest daughter, ok, and I’m the only person who can mock him. Me, Amanda & Johnny Lawrence. 

Favourite ship: Daniel LaRusso/Johnny Lawrence, their 35 years of shared trauma and the inherent eroticism of violence. I saw their gay little intense-eye-contact bow at the end of s3 and the cartoon lightbulb over my head went ding ding ding! 

Underrated character: Carmen: that woman just wants to get laid and she’s had to drink expired orange juice, listen to the “and then Daniel LaRusso RUINED MY LIFE” speech at drunken length, feature in a weird sex dream where the role she’s filling in Johnny’s libido is weirdly blurred with Daniel’s – doesn’t she deserve better? How confident are YOU that Johnny ‘hot asshole who partied through his 20s & 30s’ Lawrence showed her a good time in bed? Because I’m not that confident.

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol): Amanda & Daniel: I know we practically see her pegging him on screen, but I want to know more! The question of who the 80s heartthrob Karate Kid married, how they met, how old is she when her actress is only 42, the horny energy when they go out there to sell cars together like a one-two punch, the way she can absolutely murder him with blowjob jokes, whole face sparkling with delight, and he just accepts it – her general air of affectionate mockery, possibly because as a true audience cypher, she’s a little bit embarrassed at how into him she is – SURELY this dynamic merits more analysis!

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?: I see that we’re interpreting this to mean the two seminal transformative works in the Karate Kid Cinematic Universe, which is perfect, I love the supplementary material, love the layers of fiction and reality you get to play with there! Ralph Macchio’s “I wanna make a sex tape. With NO cuddling!” obviously lives in my head rent free (hit me up for tips on explaining why that’s funny to a 9 year old), but I love the Sweep the Leg song and William Zabka’s vision for adult Johnny, the fact that they were able to make this video in the first place and add to the pop culture myth of the Karate Kid, the fact that he chose to put himself in a red Speedo and have Ralph Macchio look at him Like That

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?: How could anybody choose just one? But it would have to be the jean shorts on the beach look, when the camera shows us Ali from between his legs? Not sure what that angle was all about, I don’t understand the moving image, but I do know a Stone Cold #Look when I see one. Also the bare arms tank top, sweatpants & bare feet look in CK.  Keep on sexualising those old men 2k21! 

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver:  Literally ANYONE from high school who can provide a 3rd party POV on how batshit insane it is that Johnny & Daniel are now running a dojo together.

Scene that lives in your head rent-free: the day drinking date in s1, the entire restaurant scene from s2, but especially every single word Daniel & Johnny say to each other: “bigger is better” “I didn’t need an army, just the right moves” “wanna take this outside and see whose leg will go higher?”.

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?: Yes, thusly: 

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join: Miyagi-do, don’t even need to think about it. I would like to AVOID conflict please, and if defensive karate can help me then I’m there. 

What’s your training montage song?: I have to train?  

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special? I’ve been thinking about this and my answer is Due South, because 1) if Fraser’s dad can manifest from the underworld on the strength of a bad relationship to offer useless advice, surely Mr Miyagi could come too and actually, you know, show him a positive example of a father/son relationship? The two ghosts would get on like a house on fire anyway, doing Dad Stuff and being deliberately cryptic. 2) I see a lot of Fraser/Daniel parallels: neat hair, “hahaha everything’s fine I’m fine and my life is totally together! People like me and I’m living up to my father (figure)’s legacy! Idk if I really see his ghost or if it’s just a sign of my fragile mental state, maybe I just won’t think about it!” And 3) Johnny & RayK would vibe: possibly they’d have to have a fight first to clear the air of all the toxic masculinity they’ve absorbed, but then they’d have a lot in common, like low self esteem and muscle cars and being a hot blonde mess.

[miggydiaz]

For the salty ask 1, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 14, 16, 20, 22, 23 and 26 for cobra kai pretty please

My answers are so long, so I am putting this under the cut @wonderwolfballoon! Also I just noticed your Daniel icon I SWEAR I’M NOT DRAGGING HIM TO BE MEAN!!!

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?* My biggest IDGI ships for CK are probably Elimetri or Kiaz. I’m not here to yuck other people’s yums or anything, but I do think there is something to the idea that Migueli isn’t popular because it’s a ship predicated on mutual respect for one another. Kiaz has the obvious enemies to lovers vibe and I just generally don’t sail those ships. Elimetri has... its problems, IMO, most especially around the idea that Demetri has to like... save Hawk from himself? Idk. I just like romances that I feel are based on love and mutual respect and not ...tropes.

 I am also not a Lawrusso shipper although I have a lot of those on my dash and you all are great! Again, not yucking yums! Daniel just makes me want to head butt him too much to pair him romantically with anyone 😂 I don’t even want his wife with him. He needs to self reflect~ 

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?* 

I once saw someone ship Amanda and Anoush and I noped out of that so fucking fast I almost tripped over myself. I’m not sure if they’re popular. I just think some people feel the need to get Amanda out of the way to sail their ship and stuck her with Anoush which... no. Just no. Let Amanda be a messy single queen with a martini hobby, thanks! 

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?* 

Not in CK. I’m lucky because I pretty much stick to my little Migueli bubble and I’m okay with that? Lmao lord knows the Squad on my dash is all about the DISCOURSE™️ so idk if I just don’t feel the need to get sucked into the wider ship wars because we have good healthy debates, but so far, so good. 

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?* 

I never hated it... I just didn’t have many feelings on shipping with this show in general at first. Then I was in the CK tag one day and I saw Migueli fan art. Then I discovered @afurioushawk‘s falconry series and it was all over for me after that! So fandom DID make me love a ship, just not one I hated.

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why? Oh boy. How much time do you have? In some instances, it’s a good thing season 3 happened because otherwise, this would be a multi-page essay on the problems with race and class privilege as it pertains to Sam LaRusso and just some... generally not nice comments about Demetri that I’m conflicted about because I’m not sure if the writers are intentionally trying to write him a specific way and it’s just not translating to me or what. But season 3 revamped both of their images with me a lot. I’m way more flexible in terms of Demetri, but lmao I was the number one Sam LaRusso hater for a minute there (or maybe number 2, I can think of at least 1 other person who was in that boat with me back in like... August/September, but I won’t call them out because I don’t want them to get hate...) However, I have grown a bit in my opinions of Sam, and even though I still think she’s responsible  for a lot of shit she NEVER gets held accountable for, I also think that’s a reflection of the adults around her too, and this includes my otherwise unproblematic queen, Amanda.

But honestly, my most hated character (other than the obvious villain that is Kreese) is Daniel. No matter how handsome Ralph Macchio looks in cable-knits, because Daniel has always been a sanctimonious, shit starting drama king and I say that about KK Daniel too. I’m not saying Daniel was the ~true villain~ or anything, or that Johnny was innocent -- I can only drink so much Red and Yellow Kool-Aid -- but Daniel’s always been annoying to me as a protagonist, and turning him into a smarmy wealthy car salesman who is also a class traitor did not do him any favors in my book. I will say, I also like Daniel more in season 3 than I have in previous season, but since he is the adult, I will be mad at him longer than I will be at the kids, ya feel?

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

 Johnny’s entire season 3 storyline. The sheer level of REGRESSION at every turn drives me bonkers. It’s like watching him go through all of the stumbling blocks of season 1 all over again, but without the “he’s learning! He’s going to make mistakes!” free pass that I was willing to give him the first time around. He regularly jeopardizes Miguel’s recovery and it’s played for laughs. He fucks up on every level with Robby. He spends most of his time running away when things get hard or too real. He drops the ball completely with Hawk, and like, not to put too fine a point on it, but a lot of Hawk’s issues are because Johnny put Hawk on this ‘flip the script and be a badass’ path and then offered him no guidance for how to walk that path and instead left him in the hands of Kreese. And then he has the nerve to go to Hawk and basically be like “I made you what you are!” lmao yeah Johnny, you sure did, that’s why he’s breaking peoples arms, hoss. And then all of the nonsense with Ali and Carmen, like... if you were planning on teasing KK fans with Ali and him getting back together, why write her as married in the first place? Why even tease the idea of Carmen and Johnny until after you were sure what you were going to do with Ali as a character? Instead, they do what they did in season 3 and it makes him look like a colossal jerk. So yeah. Literally every choice they made with Johnny this season, I hated.

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom? People who hate Tory are not valid, sorry not sorry.

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change? I would have kept Miguel entirely out of Tory and Sam’s beef. Or at least not directly inserted him into it like he was with the kiss. I know the writers thought it was necessary to push Tory to the point of inciting a fight at school, but I am just so exhausted over girls being unable to fight about anything but boys. Also I would bring Aisha back.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom? 

I am probably biased, but I still maintain it’s Migueli. Look, Miguel stood up to Kyler for Eli and Demetri both. Hawk joined CK because he saw what it could do for some skinny nerd who was getting his ass kicked. And he took to CK, really took to it! Even flourished before he started getting mixed messages. And he and Miguel were pretty much inseparable after that. They coordinated their wardrobes ffs. Hawk dubbed him El Serpiente and no one else calls him that — it’s Hawk’s nickname for him. Miguel confides in Hawk only secondary to Johnny, who is like a father to him. The entire Coyote Creek exchange shows they can fight and disagree but... well, to use the cliche, they don’t go to bed angry, you know? They’re square the very next day. Hawk is the first person at Miguel’s side when he gets kicked over the balcony and the LOOK he gives the second floor where Robby is? That boy is out for blood immediately to avenge Miguel. So much of his s3 behavior is fueled by that need for vengeance because MD is wholly responsible for what happened to Miguel. And Miguel is so confused and betrayed by Hawk’s shift in behavior, and yet still holds out hope that Hawk will see through Kreese’s BS and come with him to The Dojo I Refuse to Name. And when Hawk does make that deflection finally, he shows up at MD with Miguel. There’s so much more that I know I’m missing but whether someone ships them or not, that is a tried and true love and respect for one another, a willingness to fight for and defend one another that you don’t often see in TV friendships... or even in most tv relationships. And I just think that’s the best ❤️

22. Popular character you hate?

 Daniel, hands down. I mean... I don’t even necessarily hate Daniel, you know? I just think it’s really, pardon the pun, rich that a guy of immense wealth and privilege can’t get a therapist or turn to his far too patient wife for help with his existential crisis over his high school bully opening up a karate dojo to make some money and help a kid who is getting the crap kicked out of him. I get that Daniel’s narrative is necessary for the rivalry, but it does nothing to make him sympathetic as a character.

23. Unpopular character you love?

 Tory, definitely! Everyone hates her and then there’s me and the Squad over here banging away on our Coors Banquet cans yelling TORY RIGHTS! Seriously she catches so much flack for a teenage girl who is... the sole income provider for her family? At 17? While caring for a sick mom and a little brother? And fending off a creepy landlord? Tory has it so rough and then she meets a cool girl at her dojo who asks her to hang out at some fancy ass country club which is probably the nicest place Tory has ever been in, and then she gets talked down to and accused of being a thief and has another girl lay hands on her, only to find out that same girl is her new boyfriend’s ex and... ugh. I HATE that Tory gets shit all over when Tory and Sam wouldn’t even have beef if Sam had apologized to Tory as she SHOULD have. Tory isn’t innocent, but damn, I’d be pressed too.

 My other unpopular character I love? Nathaniel. Seriously that kid is THE best. He’s a literal child but is out there like I WILL FUCK YOU UP, even though he’s MD. Honestly, his Cobra Kai energy is so ferocious I won’t be surprised if he moves back to CK eventually. Anyway, I love him.


26. Most shippable character?

 Miguel, hands down. It’s because he’s so affable and sweet overall. And because his hair is so fluffy and pettable that no one can resist touching it. I like to imagine that one day he and Hawk are talking about their hair and Hawk makes a joke about how Miguel’s mane is getting so long that it’s going to be bigger than his own, and then he reaches out to ruffle it and internally has a bisexual meltdown because oh no IT’S SO SOFT AND NICE. But uh... anyway, yes. Definitely Miguel.

[abushelandablog]

Daniel's behavior in 4x08 honestly made me feel very uncomfortable. Because yes, Anthony broke his punishment and Daniel needs to be a more active parent to Anthony. But there were better ways to do it than to barge into Anthony's room, break his iPad, and yell at him. All that's doing is sending a message to Anthony that "I am bigger than you and have more authority, I get to do whatever I want to you." It may not have been intentional on the writers' part, but that's the message that's being sent. Any change on Anthony's part after this is more likely to be him putting on an act so Daniel doesn't yell at him again. At this point, Amanda needs to make Daniel apologize to Anthony for his rash behavior and also needs to make Daniel buy Anthony a new iPad.

Agreed as much as it was hot and cathartic to watch I do understand that from Anthonys pov it would just make him afraid of daniel but at the same time it was what got through to him and he did need that kind of take down but breaking the iPad was a lot and honestly kinda abusive from an outside pov as sexy as Ralph Macchio looked doing it and I hope him and Anthony grow to be on the same page of mutual respect and understanding but well see

[joviewinchester]

25 Days of Christmas Special!

Oh my god. He’s so pretty. I need help. My mom literally told me I’m gonna end up marrying a criminal one day and I was like. Oh. Thanks, mom. We have good times. Like if I shift to the Vampire Diaries you best bet I am going to marry a criminal but like here, eh. Maybe. I’m probably on the FBI watchlist at this point. Side note, I love Caroline but she’s getting hard core dissed in this thing so like I guess that’s a warning. Also sorry that this one is a day late. I had writers block.

3.) Secret Santa

“Why did you invite him?” Caroline asked Y/N quietly.

“I don’t know why it’s such a big deal to you. He was literally trapped alone in a prison world for years of his life. He hasn’t had any pleasant Christmases.”

“Oh, I don’t know why I’d be upset that you brought a sociopath that murdered his entire family.”

“Yeah. I don’t know why you’d be upset either but we’re all here for secret Santa, so I guess you’ll just have to deal with it.” Y/N sassed.

“Yeah. Merry freaking Christmas. I have a sociopath and Damon Salvatore in our house. Our house Y/N. Ours.”

“You really shouldn’t be upset. I’m pretty sure l am the only person in this house right now who hasn’t killed someone. Also, you literally look like you want to murder me right now, so you and Kai have more in common than I thought.” Y/N said. She patted her older sister on the back before leaving the kitchen where Caroline insisted on a sidebar.

As Y/N walked into the sitting room, she heard Caroline groan in frustration.

“You do know that more than half of the room heard that conversation, right?” Damon asked as Y/N sat in between him and Kai.

“Yep. Do I care? No.”

“I think you’ve been hanging around those two too much, Y/N.” Bonnie said gesturing towards Damon and Kai.

“That hurts Bon Bon. It hurts.” Damon said sarcastically placing his hand over his chest. Bonnie smiled but rolled her eyes.

“Well, now you made Caroline into the Grinch, so hopefully she doesn’t take it out on the rest of us.” Elena said.

“I heard that!” Caroline yelled from the kitchen. They all laughed under their breath. Seconds later Caroline came out of the kitchen carrying cookies, a light scowl planted on her face. It soon turned into a fake smile, you know one of those scary Caroline fake smiles.

“Hmm. I’m fine. I’m totally fine. This’ll be the best secret Santa ever. Who knows? Might even top Friendsgiving where Jo almost died on the couch. Such low expectations to meet. It has to be better, right? Right?”

“Okay. Okay. Let’s just put down the hot tray of cookies. That’s it.” Stefan said patting her on the shoulder.

Caroline let out a sigh, trying to calm herself. “So, let’s get started.”

The tension in the air was thick. Kai hadn’t said a word. Every time Y/N looked over he was on Twitter. At one point she almost laughed because she saw him looking at Ralph Macchio’s Twitter.

“Okay so, everyone knows how this works right? Give the person’s name you drew last week the gift. It’s simple seriously. If you don’t know how this works you’re an idiot.” Caroline said.

“Okay. So, the passive aggressive attitude hasn’t passed has it?” Y/N asked.

Caroline rolled her eyes. “Let’s just get this over with. Also, I’d appreciate if you found somewhere else to stay at tonight.”

“Rude. Yo, Damon, can I stay in one of the spare bedrooms tonight?”

“Sure. Problem solved blondie.” He said addressing Caroline in her least favorite way. She scoffed.

“I don’t get a say? It’s my house too.” Stefan chimed in.

“Do you have something to say to me there, Stef?” Y/N asked.

“No, I would just like for my brother to console me before having someone spend the night in my house.”

“Our house Stefan. Ours.”

“Oh lovely. Just what we need! Another sibling feud!” Elena exlclaimed.

“Okay, you know what? I’m just gonna go. I don’t want in the middle of this whatsoever. Elena, are you coming?” Bonnie asked.

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” She said following Bonnie out the door.

“Great! Look what you did, Y/N!”

“What I did?! You’re the one that’s being a bitch!”

“You did not just go there!”

“I’m the oldest one Stefan! I make the decisions!”

“Well you sure don’t act like it, Damon!”

The arguments overlapped as Kai stood in the corner observing.

“Heh. Just how Christmas was at my house.” Kai smirked to himself.

Kai didn’t quite catch what was said that caused it to happen, but Y/N punched Caroline in the face.

She gasped popping her broken nose back in place. “Jerk!” She exclaimed.

“Bitch!” Y/N said back. She flipped her off and ran upstairs. Minutes later she came back down carrying a bag of essentials. “Have fun telling mom why I’m not home by curfew, you dumbass! Come on, Kai.”

He chuckled to himself a bit, then followed her. Not long after, they had arrived at Kai’s apartment.

“You coming in or what? You’re staying here now right?” He asked.

“I was just gonna like sleep in my car, but since your offering…”

“You’re welcome anytime your sister’s being stuck up and bitchy.”

“Oh so literally 24/7? Thanks.” She joked.

“Sorry you had to listen to that.” She muttered as they entered the building.

“Eh. I’m used to it.”

They entered his apartment. Y/N threw her stuff beside the couch. There was an awkward moment of silence before Kai broke it.

“I’m hungry. Are you hungry?”

“Yeah. You wanna go to the Grill or something?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

They drove to the Grill and entered to see Damon at the bar drinking whiskey. What else was new?

“Stef kick you out of the house?” Y/N joked.

“Oh ha ha, Y/N. No, I just don’t want to deal with his bullshit. Well, would you look at that? You brought the psychopath with you.”

“Sociopath.” Kai corrected. The door swung open revealing Bonnie and Elena.

“Wow. We all try to avoid each other and end up in the same place.” Elena said.

“Well, merry freaking Christmas and a happy new year. My sister hates me. It’s 7:00 pm and I’m drinking. And I haven’t even stabbed anyone with a candy cane yet. I’ve always wanted to do that.” She mumbled the last sentence to herself. She downed a shot.

“Also you aren’t even 21 and are drinking in a public place.” Elena added. Y/N glared at her.

“You know, I’m starting to worry about your violent tendencies.” Bonnie stated.

“I think it suits her.” Damon smirked.

“I definitely agree with Damon for once in my life. It’s hot.”

Y/N elbowed Kai in the ribs.

“Ow. Why didn’t he get elbowed?” Kai complained.

“He wasn’t flirting with me.”

Y/N ordered some chicken strips and French fries from Matt.

“You’re such a child.” Damon said. “Oh I’m sorry I would rather eat chicken strips than a salad or a blood bag. I’m not a vampire or a real adult, Damon. You should know that by now.”

“Oh yeah. I forgot in the midst of everything. Merry Christmas, Kai.” Y/N handed him a Walkman and a cassette. “I made you a mixtape. I understand if you don’t like use it or anything but…”

“No, Y/N, I like it. Thanks…Wow. Ugh, I’m having that mushy feeling again. Gross. Feelings are hard.”

Bonnie and Elena gave each other a look. “Damon, let’s go play pool or something.” Bonnie said. Her and Elena forced him to get up.

Once they got over to the pool table, Damon glared at them. “No. No. No. We were doing damage control. Are you two seriously going to let your best friend fall in love with him?”

“Look, this could potentially make him less of a threat. Wouldn’t you like to let the issue fix itself for once? Kai has feelings now. He is in love with her. We keep it that way, he might not go on another murderous rampage.”

“How did you say that so nonchalantly? He has feelings because he literally killed his brother.” Damon said gesturing toward him.

“Oh god. They’re making out. That is literally disgusting. How are you all okay with this?”

“I don’t want to do something for once. I agree with Elena. Let the problem fix itself.” Bonnie said.

“You know what? Fine. I won’t interfere. I’ll just be watching. I’ll l be waiting because sooner or later this is going to bite you both in the ass, just like when she was with Kol. The cycle is repeating, and I’m not helping this time when you just ‘leave it alone’”

Damon left, and Bonnie and Elena both shrugged and started playing pool. “Merry Christmas Elena.” “Merry Christmas Bonnie.”

[msfbgraves]

Since Hollywood also is churning out nothing but sequels, reboots and remakes, what now?

This makes me think of my fourth year in Berlin. The first two years I was on a theatre frenzy. I can't hold much booze or dance for very long, so since I wasn't drinking my money, I went to the theatre. I mean the tickets were €8!

Swan Lake, Nutcracker, Hänsel und Gretel, Entführung aus dem Serail, Threepenny Opera, Cats, Oscar Wilde, Norma, some Schiller I didn't care for, all the Hollywood flicks for 4 euros on Tuesdays. I found the Philharmonie a bother to get to, spoiled brat that I was. European films from the Berlinale it was, yet more ballet.

And then I started to notice that a lot of the big things I'd already seen?

This is how you get to the experimental things.

Hollywood's crap, new TV is bad fanfic, mostly.

So, after burning off some of the good, as I of course haven't seen everything yet -

Time to get experimental again.

Now, I've seen some bad plays in my later Berlin years. Just, y'know, godawful. But some things have stayed with me, if only through a lingering sense of bewilderment. I can't even really name one specific play they were often so strange. But it did wet my appetite for simply going and seeing what happened.

It seems that tv is forcing us, together with Hollywood, to do the same thing. Ghibli may not appeal to me much, aesthetically, but if there's nothing new to be had I might discover something. Maybe I'll watch Jupiter Ascending for the extreme weirdness of it.

Honestly, this is how this happens, Hollywood. It's simply people with a ferocious appetite for story not finding anything. Weird story is better than bad story, ok? You're driving people like me, who would have been perfectly happy paying €8 a pop to see a 90 minute medium budget Matt Damon movie for years on end, right underground, because there are none around anymore. I am not the target audience for Quentin Tarentino or Brian De Palma, dafuq are you doing making me watch Scarface instead? If you don't want Venom to be a love story, you need to give teenage girls something else to watch. I thought you had some indoctrinating to do, too, huh? You are not helping the capitalist US military agenda by driving me into the arms of a gay junkie NYC playwright of Russian descent, man. That's what you get for limiting people's options. Ralph Macchio could have been a perfectly fine 80's and 90's leading man, but no, you had to drive him to the weird stuff, didn't you? And if you don't want a feminist critique of Heat, I guess you're outta luck because I've watched it now, and The Aviator's next. O, and Everybody's Fine is one of De Niro's best films even if it isn't award cinema and a total cash grab. I would have never found that movie if you'd put something decent on, but nooooooo.

Because I know it's bad. If you're unironically enjoying The Karate Kid part III more than, well, anything else on, it is bad.

But boy. If you thought we were weird now...

[variousqueerthings]

Daniel LaRusso: A Queer Feminine Fairytale Analysis Part Two of Three

Part 1

Part 3

6. Sexual Awakenings part 1: Love, Obsession, & Size Differences

[Insert that post talking about the creators making sure that Daniel’s antagonists were much bigger than him so that the audience would sympathise, spawning 10000 size kink fics]

I’m sure this won’t awaken anything in Daniel

Corporate wants you to find the difference between these two pictures

The hallmark of feminine fairytales tends to be growing into womanhood, with all those symbolic sexual under/overtones, searching for a prince, encountering monsters (or evil stepmothers), on the surface tending to be quite passive/reactive, but actually being about young girls and women getting out of their environment and choosing to tussle with those deep, dark desires – monsters. They’ve got to function within the limitations of power that they have – escaping an abusive situation through marriage, chasing forbidden desires under the guise of duress, asking questions about sexuality through things like symbolic plucking (flowers) or consumption (fruit) or pricking (needles), etc.

Daniel isn’t striking out to find his fortune or win a girl or a kingdom Like A Man, he’s not a threat to Silver, who – like Jareth in Labyrinth – is in control for almost the whole of the narrative, he’s not actually able to do much more than react until he makes the decision to stop training, and even then he’s immediately ganged up on and assaulted, needing to be saved by Miyagi while he stands and watches, bloodied and bruised. 

Daniel’s journey in the third movie is to be forced into an impossible situation, seduced by Silver, and then prove that whatever violence Silver did to him isn’t enough to destroy him. It is incredibly similar to Sarah’s in Labyrinth, who by the end declares: “you have no power over me,” and that’s her winning moment. Not strength, not wits, not a direct fight, (although Daniel does fight Barnes and gets beat up again – only winning in in the end by taking him by surprise, unlike in TKK1 or TKK2 where you could argue that he proves himself to be a capable physical opponent to Johnny and Chozen), but by declaring that whatever power was held over her is now void.

Daniel’s narrative isn’t satisfying in the same way, because the dynamic of Silver and Daniel only accidentally emulates this - it’s not an intention on the side of the film-makers.

When Miyagi tells Daniel that he has strong roots, when he tells him not to lose to fear and Daniel wins over Barnes (in an almost fairytale-esque set of events), on paper he’s defeated whatever hold Terry Silver has over him. In the film itself though, Daniel never defeats Silver (which will likely be confirmed once he returns in Season Four). Daniel cannot simply say “you have no power over me,” and see Silver shattered into glass shards. 

The film is a contradiction: It wants to be a masculine sports film, but it exists in the same realm as Goblin Kings seducing young girls with the promise of: “Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave.” Unlike Sarah, Daniel doesn’t claim the power that’s been promised to him on his own terms. His subtextually sexual awakening is so corrupted that all he can do is pretend it never happened.

Still, Daniel proves in the film that his strength is not in his fists. It’s in his praying to the bonsai tree that’s healed despite a violent boy brutally tearing it in two.

These looks on Daniel and Silver though?

So why does Silver become obsessed with him? What’s up with all those red outfits (that he doesn’t wear in Cobra Kai)? What does the temptation reveal about Daniel? How does it recontextualise TKK1 and TKK2? Is Daniel bisexual? (yes).

Ah, beach-Daniel, in your red hoodie and your cut-off jorts. Iconic hot-girl summer vibes. 

If you didn’t want me over-analysing this, you shouldn’t have put him in so many red outfits and then have this man leering at him like he wants to eat him alive.

Surface-level it’s not hard to read into a Dude Story: Masculine power fantasies are about strength in a very direct way. Fighting, control, suaveness – and if you’re not the most traditionally masculine of guys, asserting dominance through being a good lover or intelligent or overcoming that unmanliness in some way through beating the bully or convincing the hot girl to go out with you, levelling up in coolness. Being A Man. It’s not too dissimilar from Daniel’s arc in the first movie, if you watch it without taking later events into account, although Daniel is never interested in proving himself as a man, and more in making Miyagi proud. Still, he does win and gain respect, and arguably “get the girl,” although Ali’s interest in him was never dependent on the fight.

7. Sexual Awakenings Part 2: Sexual Assault, Liberation, and Queerness

Feminine power fantasies are often about sex. Metaphorically. More accurately it’s “owning sexuality.” Even more accurately: “Freedom.” They also inhabit a fluid space in which empowerment through monstrous desires and non-consent can happen at the same time. And on top of that, many of these “fantasies” are actually being written by men, so whose fantasy is it really? A lot of them are based in oral traditions so presumably they were originally from the mouths of women, even if modern iterations (starting with Grimm’s collections) are filtered through cis men’s perspectives.

All of that being acknowledged: In Angela Carter’s “The Company Of Wolves,” Red Riding Hood unambiguously sleeps with the wolf. Belle discovers her freedom from expectations and unsuitable suitors (and in some versions, evil stepsisters) by falling in love with a Beast (the original novel was written by a woman, the 18th century Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve). Jareth informs Sarah of his obsessive devotion to her in Labyrinth. To lean into horror for a moment – Buffy is stalked and eventually has relationships with both Angel and Spike, Lucy in Coppola’s Dracula (which I have mixed feelings about) is raped by the werewolf and Mina is stalked by Dracula, The Creature Of The Black Lagoon kidnaps Kay (the lead’s girlfriend) – subverted in both The Shape Of Water in which Eliza forms a consensual relationship with the amphibious sea-god and in the short-lived horror series Swamp Thing, in which the connection is purposefully framed as seductive…

and in The Karate Kid Part Three Daniel LaRusso punches a board until his hands bleed because an attractive, older man tells him to and in this moment he gives in to what he (thinks he) wants.

Not all of those examples are equal. Some are consensual, some are hinted as abusive and/or stalkery, all of them have large age gaps, and a few are outright non-consensual.

But they’re all fantasies.

They’re all power-fantasies.

Except for Daniel, because he’s a man and the idea that being obsessed (lusted) over by an older man who keeps you in his thrall, specifically because you tickle his fancy for whatever reason, because you’re beautiful, breakable, different – could in any way be considered empowering is a difficult concept to wrap your head around. It doesn’t contain that “but I’m a good girl, I’d never go off the path and pluck flowers if a bad wolf told me to, honest,” societal context or the social context of rape culture. It’s closest comparison is closeted (perhaps even unknown until that point) queer identity.

There have recently been some comparisons of Daniel LaRusso to Bruce Bechdel in Funhome (and everyone who says that Ralph Macchio ought to play him in the upcoming movie: you’re right and I’m just not going to enjoy it as much without him). I’ve written a post about Sam being the heir to his legacy and trauma, specifically as a queercoded man. It’s not dissimilar to the plot of Funhome in a lot of ways.

The other interesting source that’s been going around in connection with Daniel is the essay “The Rape of James Bond,” which discusses the use of sexual assault as a plot device for women and not for men: “About one in every 33 men [in the US] is raped. … [your statistically average, real life man] … doesn’t have a horde of enemies explicitly dedicated to destroying him. He doesn’t routinely get abducted, and tied up. Facing a megalomaniac psychopath gloating over causing him pain […] is not the average man’s average day at the office.” That last bit is just a descriptor of Terry Silver, (although I take issue at the blasé use of psychopath).

The two part youtube essay  Sexual Assault of Men Played for Laughs posits that there is nothing more de-masculinising than the threat of sexual assault and therefore any narrative that features this “rightfully” must mock any man who has been a victim or who fears being a victim of sexual assault. It is feminising. There is nothing more humiliating – and therefore unheroic – than a man dealing with sexual assault.

So what do we feel when we see an attractive young man being put into a vulnerable position by an older man? A trope associated with female characters, a trope that is considered unpalatable for men (see reactions that happened when the hint of sexual assault was introduced in Skyfall).

Was it the fact that he was being threatened, or the fact that James’ next line is: “what makes you think this is my first time?”

Some thoughts added by @mimsyaf​ are around the idea of safety in how a lot of cis women might relate to this narrative through Daniel’s eyes. He’s not a woman, he has – societally – more power than a girl or woman would have, which makes this a different watch to, say, if Danielle were to go through the same narrative. Daniel doesn’t carry that baggage of rape culture, or of the male gaze that you might find in a similar scenario of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Christine in Phantom of the Opera (and once more the age differences between these characters and the men who love/lust over them are substantial), which makes the narrative “safer” to engage with.

I agree with that, although as a transmasc person I also come at it differently. I specifically like to headcanon Daniel as a trans guy and find his fraught interactions with masculinity through his own non-toxic lens relatable, as well as the way other boys and men react to it – also I think Terry Silver is hot. I know there are people who write Terry Silver with female OCs, which is also a form of empowerment.

On the flipside putting Daniel in this space runs a risk of fetishising him as a queer youth who is either Innocent and Pure, or a bisexual stereotype that deserves to be assaulted for not being a real man. After all, Real Straight Men don’t run the risk of sexual assault.

 Alas, the road to empowerment never did run smooth. 

The comparisons between the way Daniel is treated by the text and how female characters are often treated in texts are undoubtedly there. Through Ralph Macchio and TIG’s casting and the direction and acting, but also within the text itself. 

It might not be with the same purpose as Neo’s symbolically trans journey, but it puts the whole narrative that Daniel’s going through from TKK1 under a different light than if there had only been one movie that ended on a triumphant sports win and a girlfriend.

Johnny’s masculinity and the use of tears as liberation, now that’s a whole other analysis….

[oosteven-universe]

Eternals Forever #1

Eternals Forever #1 Marvel Comics 2021 Written by Ralph Macchio Illustrated by Ramón F. Bachs Coloured by Rachelle Rosenberg Lettered by VC’s Joe Caramagna       IKARIS, AGENT OF THE DEVIANTS?!    The Deviants have captured Ikaris! Now under their control, Ikaris has been brainwashed into assassinating Ajak! It’s up to Gilgamesh and Sprite to stop him and prevent all-out war between the Eternals and the Deviants!    At first I was a little disappointed that this wasn’t being written by Kieron.  After all the rebirth of the Eternals has been him but Ralph is a fine storyteller in his own right and this falls easily into the new vision for their continuing adventures.  Marvel really was banking on the trailer dropping and putting out a lot of buzz to have this many books ready to go at this time and it looks like that gamble paid off handsomely too.  I do like that this issue focuses on the Deviants as much as it does as it begins to show us just how much the two are at odds with one another they are.  Seeing their natural born enemies and by keeping this further away from humans as possible is in my humble opinion the right direction to keep this, for now anyways.    I like the way that this is being told.  The story & plot development that we see through how the secrets of events unfold as well as how the reader learns information is presented exceptionally well.  The character development that we see through the narration, the dialogue, the character interaction as well as how we see them act and react to the situations and circumstances which they encounter brings their personalities to the forefront.  The pacing is excellent and as it takes us through the pages revealing more of the story the more we want to see and know.    I do appreciate the way that we see this being structured and how the layers within the story begin to emerge and grow.  The layers within the story open up avenues to be explored and add some great depth, dimension and complexity to the story.  That they were able to do to Ikaris what they did and how they planned to use him shows that the Eternals are just as human and fallible as any race on Earth and it’s a great thing to see.  How we see everything working together to create the story’s ebb & flow as well as how it moves the reader forward is impeccably achieved.    I am a huge fan of the interiors here.  I absolutely love that Ikaris moves through the air like a man moves through water.  Priest Lord Ghaur and his look, hair, head you name it is some of the most wicked nastiness we’re seeing and it’s glorious.  The linework is fantastic and how we see the varying weights and techniques being utilised to create the detail within the work that we see is utterly marvellous.  How we see backgrounds being utilised to enhance and expand the moments as well as how they work within the composition of the panels to bring out the depth perception, sense of scale and the overall sense of size and scope to the story.  The utilisation of the page layouts and how we see the angles and perspective in the panels show a remarkable eye for storytelling.  The various hues and tones within the story being utilised to create the shading, highlights and shadow work show a great understanding for how colour works. ​    I think it’s way past time that a group such as the Eternals finally got a chance to steal the spotlight from the Avengers and the X-Men. Now if the Squadron Supreme, Hyperion’s series was one of my short lived faves, could do this as well I’d be even happier.  I think this is incredibly well written and has stellar characterisation alongside some dynamic interiors make this a great addition to the Eternals mythology.  

[andyridgeley]

I really liked the special! every time a new person came on I was like *squeals aggressively*, lol. I liked knowing all the tidbits, and the very end was 👀👀👀 yeah. I loved the acoustic version of You’re The Best, and overall it made me happy to see everyone back together again. Anyways, what did you think?- Cherry

the special was really fun!!!!! they got SO MANY PEOPLE BACK!!!!!!! i might be the only one but i don’t think the end meant anything that’d be a pretty big spoiler if it did alkdjflkajsf but who’s to say. and you know me i don’t like looking into The Things before the show!! the acoustic version of you’re the best WAS SO GOOD!!!!!! BEEN STUCK IN MY HEAD ALL DAY!!! i loved hearing all the stories and seeing them all hanging out! :’)

ok three dumb meme-able moments stood out to me when i was watching it because apparently that’s the only thing i look for 

1. william zabka really started off the call with airpods in huh makes me think miguel gives him airpods and it’s like there’s a moment when he needs to hear something and miguel’s like ohmygod he can’t hear us he’s got airpods in 

2. i already posted about it but when xolo maridueña said he didn’t know anything about karate kid before cobra kai but whenever he wore a bandana to play tennis his mom would tell him he looked like ralph macchio and he kept saying who is that and why does he look like me #iconic

3. at the end when they all put up the URL for the charity and ralph macchio like......didn’t know.....how to do that did anyone else see it??? like?? everyone else was holding up a paper with the URL close to the camera so everyone could see it but ralph was Struggling for some reason and at one point hE FLIPPED THE PAPER TO THE BACK SO IT WAS JUST BLANK??? anyway i lost my mind is he a senior citizen who doesn’t understand technology like webcams? who’s to say 

[thegodshavehorns]

Capture the Wind (2/5)

Chapter 2: Prophylaxis

The next week, you meet the Seer again. You’ve taken the bus home from school, skipping the weekly church group. You open your door, and there she is, smiling at you from the couch.

“Good afternoon, John,” she says. “Come have a seat.”

“Oh, hi,” you reply. “You came back.”

She smiles, and lifts a can of cherry coke in the air, as if toasting. You walk over to sit on the reclining chair, and you both sit there for several long moments, her sipping a coke and occasionally flipping a coin, and you twiddling your thumbs.

“So-” you start to speak, but she interrupts.

“John, you have never had any martial training, correct? Of course that's correct. The reason I’m here today is to address this lamentable gap in your education.”

You blink. “Martial training? You mean martial arts? Fighting?”

“Yes, John, that is what I mean.”

Your eyes widen. “You mean like The Karate Kid? That’s so sweet, so you’re going to be like Mr. Miyagi to my Ralph Macchio?”

“Like that, except real.” The goddess stands up and makes a motion that you can’t quite make out, and then there is a large duffel bag in her arms. It looks like something you could get at REI.

She puts it down and unzips it, and you see a sharp-looking metal edge.

“Because you have absolutely zero previous experience, I have selected a variety of potential weapons for you to take up.” She removes a sword from the bag and lays it down on the floor, then takes out an axe. “Of course, I know what you are going to choose. But the impression of free will is important.” She takes out several knives, then a long spear, then a heavy, spiked club, laying each one next to the other. “But keep in mind: you can only choose one. Just pick a weapon up, and it will be yours.” She reaches back in for another item and-

Oh shit. That’s a gun.

You’re staring. “You uh, want me to choose? Why? How do I know which would be best for me? Maybe I should try out a few first, to see what fits?”

“No, John. That’s not how we're doing this. Consider it a test of your resolve and perseverance.” She finishes arranging the weapons, straightens up, and steps back. “Now, choose wisely.”

You stare down at the assortment of deadly armaments. She said she already knew which one you’re going to choose, so why is she doing this? But she also said last time that you sometimes did unexpected things, so…

“Okay,” you say, after thinking a moment. “So whatever I pick up will be my weapon forever?”

The Seer smiles. “Yes, that is correct.”

You look at the vicious implements spread out on the floor, and then your eyes wander over to your dad’s toolkit. He must have left it out, after hanging up the latest clown painting. You take a step towards it. When the Seer doesn’t stop you, you close the distance and, with a broad grin, pluck the hammer out from the box.

You hold it up proudly at the Seer. “Ta da! There! I followed your instructions! You were not expecting that, huh?”

The Seer’s expression is impassive. “Very well, you have chosen your weapon.” She nonchalantly kicks the deadly weapons on the floor away, clearing a space. Then, she makes that motion again, and there is a long, tapering, wooden cane in her hand. “Time to see if you can use it.”

------------

That night, you retire to your room early, avoiding your dad's questions and nursing the bruises on your back and sides. When you sit down at your computer, you wince.

That really smarts.

Land a hit on me, the Seer had said. Land a hit! As if you ever could, when she knows what you’re thinking of doing before you do it! By the end of the hour, you were absolutely sure that the Seer was attempting to sign her name onto your skin in bruises. Being taught martial arts by an ancient goddess isn’t nearly as awesome or non-painful as you would have expected.

You have a message on Pesterchum. It’s Anna.

-- harmoniusDithering [HD] began pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT] at 17:34 --

HD: sorry that you missed today's meeting, hope you're feeling well!

HD: and that you’re not sick or anything

HD: we signed up for the field trip today. I got a ticket! I’ll see if I can get the Sylph to autograph something for you.

HD: you like movies, right? I don’t have any movie posters, but if you bring me one at the next meeting I’ll see if she can autograph that!

HD: anyway I’ll see you next week. Take care.

You look at the messages for a long time, thinking of what to say.

-- ghostlyTrickster [GT] began pestering harmoniusDithering [HD] at 20:11 --

GT: i am sorry, but i can’t come to the youth group meetings anymore

GT: i told my dad about it and he said i can’t go at all

GT: i am grounded for life or something

You don’t feel good about this. This isn’t a joke. This is lying, to a friend, and you feel terrible.

She replies a few minutes later.

HD: oh that’s awful! I’m so sorry! Your dad is a jerk!

HD: you should call social services on him or something.

HD: I don’t know. I guess this isn’t illegal. But it’s so unfair.

HD: I can’t believe he’d do that.

GT: yes it is very dumb and lame

GT: i am not happy about it

HD: Well I’m angry about it!

GT: you don’t have to be angry

GT: he is my stupid dad

GT: i guess i will figure it out

GT: have a good time at the museum, i hope you meet lots of rad people

You sign off. You don’t like this at all, it makes you feel like you’re in the wrong. But you can’t be in the wrong if you’re doing what a goddess is telling you to do, right? Isn’t that kind of the definition of right and wrong?

You don’t know.

Bruises aching, you go to bed.

Next week, while practice-strifing in the living room, the Seer smacks your hand with her cane, and the hammer goes flying. You hear a crash, and you turn in horror to see pottery shards and Nanna’s ashes all over the mantelpiece and floor.

“Oh shit,” you say, and glance back at the goddess.

“John,” she says, and raises her cane. “Don’t turn your back on your opponent.”

“No, wait! Just wait,” you say. “Those are my Nanna’s ashes, I can’t just leave them there while we strife.”

And to your relief, she gives you a moment to get a dustpan and a broom and sweep up the ashes. Not knowing where else to put them, you get a mixing bowl from the kitchen and dump them in. “Augh,” you say. “How am I gonna explain this to my dad?”

The goddess takes a coin from nowhere and flips it. “You need to come clean and take responsibility.”

“But-”

“That is what is just, John. And if your father punishes you, that is also just.”

But it’s your fault, kind of, is what you want to say, but you don’t. You look at the bowl of ashes and pottery shards in your hands.

“John," she says again. “Learn from your mistakes. What have you learned?”

“Don’t strife inside the house?”

She smiles, and smacks her cane into her palm. “That, and protect your grip.”

------------

“Son, I am disappointed in you.”

“I’m sorry,” you say. “It was an accident.” You do not look your dad in the face.

He sighs and adjusts his hat. “Sit and talk with me for a moment, Son.”

Oh gods, not a talk.

You sit, and your dad leans forward. “Is everything alright at school, Son?”

That’s not what you expected. “Huh? It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You haven’t been getting into fights?”

You shoot a fearful glance in his direction. It hasn’t even been a month, this can’t be the reveal that the Seer mentioned…

“No.”

“Son,” your dad puts a very patriarchal hand on your shoulder, but you’re bruised there so you try not to wince. “What happened to your hand?”

“Oh, that was an accident,” you say, looking down at the swelling across your knuckles. Your dad would not be okay with ‘a living goddess hit me with a cane’ on several different levels.

You decide to go on the offensive. “It’s none of your business anyway, Dad. I’m fine.”

“Son, I only have your best interests at heart. You know that.”

“You don’t know what my best interests are! For, for all you know, I have some sort of destiny that’s completely different from what you think I should be!”

“Don’t give me that talkback, Son,” there is an edge to your dad’s voice now. “I can see you’ve been having a hard time lately, but don’t take it out on your old man!”

“You don’t see anything! You don’t know anything!” Your voice is rising high above your regular indoor volume. Your gambit at pretending to be angry has backfired, and you actually are angry now.

Your dad shakes his head. “I know some things, Son. Like the fact that you don’t actually go to bowling club after school.”

Your mouth goes dry, and you look away. “I- I quit.”

“Do you need more extracurriculars? I think piano lessons might not be enough.”

“Augh, gods, I can’t believe this!” you exclaim, and immediately regret it.

“Language, John,” says your dad, his voice low.

“Sorry, Dad, I’m fine,” you say, trying to calm down. You remember the breathing exercises you did in the youth group, and try to emulate those without the prayer part.

“Son,” your dad uses his patriarchal hand again. “I think more extracurricular activities would do you some good. Keep you out of trouble.” You are about to object, but he goes on.

“There are lots of good options, why don’t you look into it? Is there something you’d like to learn to do?”

“I’ll think about it,” you mumble.

“Good,” he continues. “Your chore load will also double for the next month.”

“Dad!”

He gives your shoulder a patriarchal squeeze, and you really do flinch this time. “You’ll survive, Son. What doesn’t kill you makes you a stronger man.”

You are not so sure you agree.

------------

HD: and you won’t believe it, but this high school kid was totally flirting with me.

HD: I mean it.

HD: he was like sixteen or something

HD: so awkward.

GT: ok

HD: I dunno though, maybe I should have gone out with him?

HD: he was kind of cute

GT: ok

HD: or maybe I should have painted my face green and done the hokey pokey

GT: ok

HD: are you okay, john?

GT: huh?

GT: i am fine.

GT: if you had to learn some totally new skill, what would it be?

HD: inuit throat singing

GT: ha ha ha what?

HD: no it’s amazing.

HD: the inuit people can sing with like, their throats.

GT: what else would they sing with? their eyeballs?

HD: oh shut up

HD: i mean like, with their throat and their mouth separately. Two tones at once!

HD: isn’t that just amazing? I wish I could do that.

HD: well

HD: either that or something useful. Like computer programming.

GT: those are two very different things.

HD: so? People are allowed to have diverse interests.

GT: i guess so

------------

“I would like to take a computer programming class,” you tell your dad. “And karate.”

------------

The Seer of Mind cracks you over the back with her cane. You sprawl onto your belly on the ground, but manage to roll away before the second blow comes. You could swear the canes she uses are slightly harder and heavier each time. Thank goodness she never goes for your head.

The cane’s coming again, and you try to swipe with your hammer, but it’s really too short.

Her cane has a longer reach, and she can knock you four ways to Saturn before you’re close enough to even poke her with the hammer.

So she goes and knocks you four ways to Saturn, and while you’re gasping for air she flips you onto your back and points the tip of the cane at your throat.

“You’re dead again.”

“Augh,” you respond. “Can’t you use a shorter cane?”

“Your enemies will not use shorter canes just because you want them to, John.”

You sit up and push the cane away. “What enemies? I don’t have enemies!”

“John,” she says, her voice dead serious. “You have enemies you don’t even know about.”

You get to your feet. “Who, then?”

Her face is inscrutable. “You’ll know them when you see them.”

“Augh, this is so frustrating!” You are on the verge of tearing your hair out. She’s the Seer, she knows everything, so why isn’t she telling you anything? “I don’t even know what my ‘Grand Destiny’ is! You said I was going to save comedy, but all you do is strife with me!”

“John.” Her voice is incredibly condescending. “This is all an important part of your training.”

“But what am I training for?”

“You are training for your destiny, John. You will need these skills I am teaching you, in order to succeed.”

“What, ‘how to get beaten up 101’?”

She nods. “Endurance in the face of pain and damage will serve you well.”

You really want to know what you’ll be doing that requires you to be beat up so much, but then the Seer is swinging her cane at you again, and you have to pick up the hammer to block before she thwacks you in the stomach again.

“You must become hard and unyielding,” she says, and takes another swipe. “When I am through with you, John, you will be like steel.”

You have no idea what that means, but it sounds cool.

------------

At school, in the gym’s locker room, the other boys notice your bruises. They whisper and gossip at the cane marks across your back and sides.

You’re a freak.

------------

-- harmoniusDithering [HD] began pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT] at 18:54 --

HD: hey! I haven’t heard from you in a while!

HD: i thought you would ask about the museum trip.

HD: because that is a thing that happened.

HD: it was pretty awesome.

HD: they didn’t have any movie posters for sale.

HD: but I did think of you.

GT: what do you mean?

HD: what do you think I mean? :)

GT: i do not know what you are talking about

HD: you can be really thick sometimes

GT: that’s what she said!

HD: that is not a proper thing to say to a lady

GT: bluh

HD: kidding!

HD: so are you still grounded?

HD: John?

-- ghostlyTrickster [GT] has signed off --

------------

It’s been a month now, and you think maybe you’re getting better. That you can maybe go 30 seconds now without getting whacked by the cane. You want to think it’s the karate lessons, but all your fellow students are like, eight, so it's not like you're a karate master yet.

The Seer has been coming more often, three times a week now at least. But at least her “lessons” are relatively short in duration.

“John,” she says, and her cane disappears into wherever the objects she carries always go. “Let’s take a break.”

You put down the hammer with a sigh of relief, then quickly shoot a look in the Seer’s direction to see if she heard you. But, of course she heard you.

She’s sitting down, and you wonder for a moment if you’re going to meditate, the way you did in Church. But instead, she takes out a chessboard.

“You know this game, John.” It’s not a question. “Play it with me.”

It’s less painful than the strife, but just as humiliating. She trounces you, then again and again. Of course she does. She can read your mind. This whole thing is an exercise in futility.

“Are you trying to teach me to give up?” you gripe, after the fifth defeat in a row. “This is not exactly great for my self-confidence.”

“You must learn to lose, before you can learn to win,” she says. “Learn when you are outclassed, and when you can turn your situation into an advantage.”

The Seer alternates your lessons between strifing and chess, and beats you every time. You play white. She plays black. After a few lessons this way, though, the playing gets… weird. The Seer seems to think that the pieces have their own personalities and motivations. She even names them.

“Watch out for the Black King, John. He is more powerful than you might think.”

“Take shelter in the castle, sure. But that rook is going to turn on you if you’re not careful.”

“This pawn is Jack. Don’t let him, or his allies, take your queen.”

The Seer changes the board up, when you play. Sometimes you play with nothing but queens and pawns, sometimes with nothing but rooks and knights. She sets up the board in specific arrangements, ahead of time, and makes you play.

“You can win,” she says. “But you must make no mistakes.”

You don’t know anything about chess. You look up strategies online. You still lose.

You can’t strategize against her, you can’t plan. So you move your pieces erratically, and lose every time.

------------

About two months after meeting the Seer, you get a package in the mail. For you. You never get packages, unless you order something online. You don’t recognize the return address, but your name is on it. Handwritten.

It’s a long, skinny tube. Maybe it has a golf club in it or something. You wouldn’t put it past your dad, getting you a golf club even though you don’t play golf.

You open the tube, and there’s a paper roll. A poster. As you unroll it, you can see it’s some kind of abstract artsy print, with streaks of red and yellow paint over light brown. On the bottom, white text reads “Northwest Museum of Art and Culture.” You can only imagine that it’s some kind of famous painting, but you don’t recognize it.

And as you finish unrolling, you see in the upper corner, written in jade green ink:

To John,

Keep The Faith. We Are Here For You.

Kanaya Maryam

The Sylph of Space. You have the autograph of the Sylph of Space. Her true name and everything.

There’s a letter.

Dear John,

Surprise! Sorry it’s not a movie poster, they only had art prints for sale in the museum gift shop. This piece is called “Welcome to Denmother,” and it’s by an Enfleífrit artist from the Norma Arm of the Milky Way. I have no idea what it’s supposed to represent, but I think it's a really important piece in Enfleífrit culture? Like the Mona Lisa or something. Go figure. There’s more info about the picture on the back of the poster.

And I’m sure you’ve seen the signature already! She was really nice, said “what’s your friend’s name” and signed it! There were like a BAZILLION people, I was waiting in line for hours!

Did you know the Sylph really glows? You can’t see it so clearly in the daytime, but it makes Her shadows very weird.

Anyway, I hope you get un-grounded soon. I miss you seeing you in person! Let me know, and maybe we can hang out sometime? Like, not in church, I mean.

Best wishes, and Gods bless!

-Anna

Aw, crap.

You can’t keep this. If your dad found out, he’d FREAK. And if the Seer found it? She’d freak too. You have to throw it away.

It’ll be easy, just go up to the trash can and throw it out.

Just go.

John. Go.

You don’t go. You can’t. You look at the letter again.

Everyone else in the youth group forgot about you, but Anna still cares. Even though you barely talk to her anymore. You have a friend. You can’t just throw that away.

You don’t hang up the poster, but you don’t throw it away, either. You fold it up and tuck it, with the letter, under your mattress. It’s a perfect hiding place. No one will ever find it.

[karenxmenfan]

(above: Jack Kirby, John Verpoorten, Glynis Oliver; John Paul Leon; Al Milgrom, Joe Sinnott, Julianna Ferriter; Daniel Acuña)

READING THE ETERNALS

Jack Kirby’s Gods return to the Marvel Universe

PART 1 — INTRODUCTION

“When two aggressive species share the same environment, evolution demands acceptance or dominance.” When Jonathan Hickman’s return to Marvel was first teased in 2019, I thought they might do something unexpected and announce a new Eternals series. Kevin Feige had revealed an Eternals movie not too long before, so it seems possible. I knew practically nothing about the characters, aside from Sersi being an Avenger, that it was Jack Kirby’s baby, and they were tied to the Celestials. I met these massive Space Gods in the beloved 1999 miniseries Earth X. That series includes a basic recap of the Eternals and Deviants in service of an epic plot surrounding the Celestials and their relationship to Earth.

The Hickman rumors sparked an interest in the characters, so I decided to read the original run from the beginning. What I found out is that there’s a lot of silly fun to these characters and I’m genuinely excited for the movie. The concept is weird and doesn’t quite have the same generative power as, say, the Fantastic Four, but it’s still enjoyable and Jack Kirby’s art is always a treat for the eyeballs. It’s easy to get caught up on all the essentials, since these characters are used so infrequently, but their presence is heavily seeded throughout the Marvel Universe. I’ve put together this reading guide to offer a roadmap for anyone wanting to take a deep-dive into THE ETERNALS!

WHO?

The Eternals are secretly one of three branches of the human race that were ENGINEERED BY ALIENS (a fact that gets reiterated nearly every time they appear in a comic). Yes, it’s that old urban legend that human evolution was kickstarted by extraterrestrial influence. In this case, massive space beings called the Celestials came to Earth and did experiments on apes, resulting in homo sapiens, but also the Eternals, powerful god-like beings, and Deviants, “monsters” who have unstable genes so no two are alike. Make of that what you will, it’s kind of messed up. Anyway, many thousands of years after their first visit, the Celestials return to Earth again to check up on their creations, and to see if the planet is worthy to survive.

PART 2 — KIRBY

The main draw of this series is Kirby’s art, weird ideas, and how funny all the characters are as they strut around exclaiming everything. What’s interesting here is that it’s not actually a part of the Marvel Universe - there’s an issue halfway through where they fight a robot Hulk, which is pretty explicitly based on a fictional character. The best characters in the whole book are Sersi, who is a hip, with-it party girl, Thena, and of course the Deviant leader Kro (the romance between the latter two is very good).

Entries in blue are favorites

The Eternals (1976) #1–6 — Where it all begins!! WHO ARE THE SPACE GODS? Some human archaeologists discover, with the help of a disguised Eternal, the big secret of the human race, and their relationship to Eternals, Deviants, and the Celestials who created them. This kicks off the series and the first arc where all the various Eternals are brought out of hiding as the Deviants, led by Kro, launch an effort to keep the Celestials from returning to judge their creations - this includes an attack on New York where the Deviants pose as demons from space hell. Meanwhile, the Fourth Celestial Host arrives on Earth…

The Eternals (1976) #7–13 — Picking up after the attack on New York, the human race is now formally introduced to its ancient siblings. This arc starts to get more into the relationships of the characters, with Sersi getting thirsty for a flummoxed, stuffed-shirt anthropologist, while Kro and Thena drop hints of a previous romance. Through their story, we see more of Deviant society, which introduces future BFFs The Reject and Karkas. Meanwhile, the Celestials are floating around the planet making observations like colossal roombas and freaking out humanity who start to get very worried. We also see the introduction of the Uni-Mind, where all the Eternals fly into a blue flame and emerge as one giant brain-thing. In this form, they leave Earth for a while.

The Eternals Annual (1977) #1 — A fun little adventure with Thena, The Reject, and Karkas (who has a human disguise in this) dealing with some Deviant menace who brings Jack the Ripper and Atilla the Hun to the present day to cause mayhem. The Eternals (1976) #14-17 - The momentum of the series comes to a halt - the Uni-Mind returns to Earth and the Eternals get swept up in a battle with a robotic Hulk who goes on the loose, and then a secret, all-powerful monster that Zuras was hiding in the basement.

The Eternals (1976) #18–19 — Probably with the knowledge that cancellation is nigh, the story picks up again. Druig becomes obsessed with uncovering the whereabouts of a secret weapon that is able to kill the Celestials (planting the seeds for the Dreaming Celestial). Ikaris tries his hardest to stop his cousin’s folly and avert the wrath of the Space Gods and I think it eventually comes to an end when the Celestials make Druig disappear? I guess this is when Jack Kirby peaced out of Marvel…

CREDITS* full series (Writing/Pencils - Jack Kirby; Inks - John Verpoorten, Mike Royer; Colors - Glynis Oliver; Lettering - Gaspar Saladino, John Costanza, Irving Watanabe, Mike Royer)

PART 3 — JOINING THE 616

Since the original series kind of was cut short with Kirby’s departure, the Eternals’ story gets picked up in other Marvel comics, where the heroes slowly learn about their existence.

Thor Annual (1976) #7 — Since the original series kind of was cut short with Kirby’s departure, the Eternals’ story gets picked up in other Marvel comics. This issue starts off a storyline where Thor recovers memories of the Celestials and some secret that Odin has been keeping from him.

(Writing - Roy Thomas; Pencils - Walter Simonson; Inks - Ernie Chan; Colors - Glynis Oliver; Lettering - Tom Orzechowski)

Thor (1966) #283-289, 291, 300-301 — Spurred on by his meeting of the Eternals, Thor takes the question to Odin. Odin won’t tell him anything, so this sets Thor off on a journey that takes him to the Eternals, the Deviants, and eventually the lead Celestial, The One Above All, who shows him hints of a deal between Celestials, Odin, Zeus, Zuras, and the other deities of Earth. Joining forces with the Eternals, Thor tries to stop the Fourth Hosts’ judgement of Earth which puts them at odds with the Norse and Greek gods. Thor finally learns the whole truth just in time to stand against the Celestials on the Day of Judgement. This is the big culmination of everything that started in The Eternals #1!

(Writing - Roy Thomas, Mark Gruenwald, Ralph Macchio; Pencils - John Buscema, Keith Pollard; Inks - Chic Stone, Gene Day; Colors - George Roussos, Glynis Oliver, Marie Severin, Bob Sharen, Carl Gafford; Lettering - Joe Rosen, Tom Orzechowski)

Iron Man Annual (1970) #6 — Rhodey is flying around and accidentally happens upon the Eternals’ city, but it’s overrun by Deviants! They’ve incapacitated all the Eternals and are trying to steal their power source or something.

(Writing - Peter Gillis; Pencils - Luke McDonnell; Inks - Roy Richardson; Colors - Carl Gafford; Lettering - Diana Albers)

Eternals: Secrets from the Marvel Universe (2019) #1 — This one-shot collects a series of backup stories that ran in What If? through the early 1980s. This covers the established origin of the Eternals and Deviants, but also goes into more detail about the branch of Eternals who left Earth to populate the solar system. It also ties in the Inhumans and creates a relationship between these two very similar groups of characters.

(Writing - Mark Gruenwald, Ralph Macchio, Peter Gillis; Pencils - Ron Wilson, Rich Buckler, Bruce Patterson; Inks - Chic Stone, Alan Kupperberg, Bruce Patterson, Joe Sinnott; Colors - Carl Gafford, Ed Hannigan, Nel Yomtov, Glynis Oliver; Lettering - Michael Higgins, John Morelli, Tom Orzechowski)

Avengers (1963) #246-248 — The Avengers crash one of Sersi’s parties and get dragged with her back to Olympia for some Eternals business. There we find out about the Eternals who went to Titan, and everyone finds out Starfox is an Eternal. The main plot involves a supervillain infiltrating Olympia to steal the power of the Uni-Mind. At the end of this story, the majority of lesser-known Eternals decide to leave Earth in a Uni-Mind for good, greatly narrowing their cast to just the essentials.

(Writing - Roger Stern; Pencils - Al Milgrom; Inks - Joe Sinnott; Colors - Christie Scheele, Julianna Ferriter; Lettering - Jim Novak, Diana Albers)

The Eternals (1985) #1-12 — This is actually a solid series, and does a huge amount to introduce new concepts and characters into the Eternals. It’s more of a standard Marvel superhero comic than Kirby’s weirdness, which perhaps allows it to fit more neatly into the greater shared universe. The best thing is that it features a lot of Kro and Thena as the latter becomes leader of the Eternals despite them not taking her seriously, and the former becoming embroiled in a sectarian power struggle with Ghuar (that guy from “Atlantis Attacks”) to lead the Deviants. The two find their love rekindled, putting them at odds with the other Eternals (Ikaris is a big asshole in this). Meanwhile, Sersi collects more human pets, including a guy she saves from suicide and tries to show that life is worth living. Central to everyone’s machinations is a plot to harness the power of the Celestials, playing off of the hints left by Kirby about the Celestial who was killed during the Second Host (this is the continuing foundation for the Dreaming Celestial idea).

(Writing - Peter Gillis, Walter Simonson; Pencils - Sal Buscema, Keith Pollard, Paul Ryan; Inks - Al Gordon, Keith Williams, Danny Bulanadi, Sam de la Rosa, Al Williamson, Tom Morgan, Geof Isherwood; Colors - George Roussos, Bob Sharen; Lettering - Joe Rosen, John Morelli, Rick Parker)

The Eternals: Herod Factor (1991) #1 — A little one-shot that is fun largely because it ultimately is about Thena and Kro. It’s written by Roy Thomas so doesn’t stray too far from established canon.

(Writing - Roy Thomas, Dann Thomas; Pencils - Mark Texiera; Inks - Bob McLeod, Christopher Ivy, Mark McKenna, Ian Akin, Sam de la Rosa; Colors - Mike Thomas, Dana Moreshead; Lettering - Jean Simek)

PART 4 — SERSI & THE AVENGERS

Despite the Forgotten One (aka Gilgamesh) joining the Avengers in issue #300, he doesn’t seem to have ever made much of an impression. His tenure does little more than to lead the team to another, more famous Eternal - the cosmopolitan Sersi! She definitely makes her mark on the team in the early 90’s. For better or worse!

Avengers (1963) #307-310, 325 — Gilgamesh is injured in battle, leading the Avengers to seek out the aid of his fellow Eternals - except Sprite has transported all of Olympia to the Negative Zone. After helping fend off Blastaar, Sersi joins the team in Gilgamesh’s stead. At this point she becomes a series regular and fans can start reading Avengers from here for more. Issue #325 is a great fill-in by Mark Gruenwald that features Sersi at her best – throwing a party and hitting on stymied squares.

(Writing - John Byrne; Pencils - Paul Ryan; Inks - Tom Palmer; Colors - Christie Scheele, Tom Fine; Lettering - Bill Oakley, Rick Parker)

Avengers (1963) #325 — A great fill-in by Mark Gruenwald that features Sersi at her best — throwing a party and hitting on stymied squares.

(Writing - Mark Gruenwald; Pencils - Rick Levins; Inks - Fred Fredericks [et al]; Colors - Ed Lazellari; Lettering - Brad K. Joyce)

Avengers (1963) #370-371 — Kro works at the Pentagon and has an outreach database for Deviants, which he uses to form Delta-Force! This team includes his kids with Thena who have the ability to merge into a grotesque fusion, and they need to save the Avengers from Ghaur.

(Writing - Glenn Herdling; Pencils - Geof Irsherwood, Mike Gustovich; Inks - Al Milgrom, Kevin Yates, Tom Palmer; Colors - Chris Matthys; Lettering - Bill Oakley)

Avengers (1963) #339, 344-347, 355-366, 372-375 — This is Bob Harras’ grand epic to ruin Sersi. After Sersi forms a version of the Uni-Mind with a bacteria-based group of Eternals (it’s… a thing), her behavior becomes erratic, presumably some Eternals mind-sickness. She begins to fawn all over Black Knight, linking to him in a soulmate ritual against his consent (he’s falling in love with Crystal). It’s all because of an alternate-reality Black Knight who wants to get revenge on Sersi because his version broke his heart. When everything is finally resolved, Sersi and Black Knight enter a wormhole and leave the dimension. At least Sersi has a cool costume.

(Writing - Bob Harras; Pencils - Steve Epting, Gordon Purcell; Inks - Tom Palmer, Steve Alexandrov, Fred Fredericks; Colors - Kevin Tinsley, Sarra Mossoff, Scott Marshall, Evan Skolnick, Tom Palmer, Gina Going, John Kalisz; Lettering - Bill Oakley, Michael Higgins, Rick Parker)

Heroes for Hire (1997) #5-7 — Sersi returns to a post-Onslaught 616 universe to warn about another plot by Ghaur to form an “Anti-Mind.” He’s been resurrected as a giant gold statue and is controlling all the Deviants. Once the day is saved, Sersi goes off on her separate way, with her bond to Black Knight severed at last.

(Writing - John Ostrander; Pencils - Pasqual Ferry; Inks - Jaime Mendoza; Colors - Joe Rosas; Lettering - Jonathan Babcock)

PART 5 — REBIRTH & DEATH / THE MODERN ERA

Having exhausted the story potential of the Eternals throughout the 80s and 90s, Marvel decided to pull in a ringer to give the franchise a reboot.

The Eternals (2006) #1-7 — the Eternals have all forgotten who they are thanks to Sprite, and the return of the Dreaming Celestial forces them to wake up… I am not a big fan of this run, and hold a bit of a grudge against it. John Romita Jr’s art is good though, especially when he’s drawing big bulky things. The biggest shame is that the Deviants are pretty generic here, and Kro is nowhere to be found. I mostly recommend reading this because it reintroduces the Eternals in the modern era and sets up the scenario for the next volume, with Makkari taking center stage and arranging Druig and Tiamet, the Dreaming Celestial on the board.

(Writing - Neil Gaiman; Pencils - John Romita Jr; Inks - Danny Miki, Tim Townsend, Tom Palmer, Jesse Delperdang, Klaus Janson; Colors - Matt Hollingsworth, Dean White, Paul Mounts; Lettering - Todd Klein)

The Eternals (2008) #1-6 — Druig is brainwashing as many Eternals as possible to his cause as Thena and Ikaris race against him. The heart of the story, though, is how Makkari is being used as a megaphone/alarm system by the Dreaming Celestial to warn about an intergalactic menace called the Horde that is coming to consumer Earth - a role that is overtaking his personality like an addiction. Sersi gets some good scenes in this but her character is kind of diminished in favor of Makkari. The story is actually pretty interesting, and salvages a lot of the ideas that Gaiman brought to the table. There’s a three issue X-Men crossover after this but I don’t have much to recommend it - Acuña’s not even drawing it.

(Writing - Charles Knauf, Daniel Knauf; Art - Daniel Acuña; Lettering - Todd Klein)

Thor: The Deviants Saga (2011) #1-5 — A little romp with Thor that takes the newer elements established by Gaiman and the Knaufs and brings them more in line with the previous depictions of the mythos. It does include a lot of details and references that Eternals fans should get a kick out of – Karkas and Ransak play a large role, Deviant Ereshkigal makes a return as does Ikaris’ dad Virako, there’s a lot of Kro – but it’s kind of meandering and doesn’t amount to that much. It ends with the entire cast essentially writing themselves out of future appearances.

(Writing - Robert Rodi; Pencils - Stephen Segovia; Inks - Jason Paz, Jeff Huet; Colors - Andy Troy, Will Quintana; Lettering - Jeff Eckleberry, John Rauch)

The Ultimates 2 (2017) #4, 6, 100 — Overall this is an amazing series, but as it pertains to this reading list, these issues shed light on the origins of the Marvel Universe, and thus, the Celestials. Created in the very first iteration of the cosmos, they not only have survived the many subsequent deaths and rebirths of the Multiverse, but they stand in opposition to a host of opposite, evil Celestials, known as the Aspirants. The Aspirants lay waste to the Celestials, who manage to live on through the surviving One Above All (this is even after the Celestials were seemingly all killed by the Beyonders in New Avengers [2013] #30).

(Writing - Al Ewing; Art - Travel Foreman, Filipe Andrade, Marco Lorenzana, Scott Hanna [Inks]; Colors - Dan Brown, Matt Yackey; Lettering - Joe Sabino)

Avengers (2018) #1-6, 8 — This series combines with Aspirants with the Horde of the last Eternals series to introduce the Dark Celestials, retconning the Celestial’s origin even further. The evil Dark Celestials have killed off their more colorful brethren and are coming to destroy Earth. Meanwhile, the Eternals are found to have all killed each other for some related reason. Ikaris holds out long enough to give Iron Man the power to make a Uni-Mind, which saves the day. The Celestials return and are cured of their Horde sickness – in return, they give the Avengers an ancient Celestial corpse to live in. Not my favorite, but as of this writing, it is the last time any of these concepts have appeared in the comics.

(Writing - Jason Aaron; Pencils - Ed McGuiness, Paco Medina, David Marquez; Inks - Mark Morales, Jay Leisten, Juan Vlasco, Karl Story; Colors - David Curiel, Justin Ponsor; Lettering - Cory Petit)

The History of the Marvel Universe (2019) #1 — As the name implies, this is a straightforward and beautiful explanation of the MU’s origins and the role the Celestials play, told from today’s vantage point with all the retcons and retrofitting that have happened over the years. Includes the obligatory origin of the Eternals and Deviants and the first three Hosts of the Celestials.

(Writing - Mark Waid; Pencils/Inks - Javier Rodriguez; Colors - Álvaro López; Lettering - Joe Caramagna)

PART 6 — XTRA-CREDIT

Being an X-Men fan, it's worth noting the times when the Eternals, Deviants, and Celestials have run into the mutants.

X-Factor (1986) #43-50 — Judgement War! X-Factor ends up on another planet which is visited by its own Celestial Host. The team gets involved between a set of Eternals and Deviant-type sects, trying to stop the Celestials from judging them unworthy.

(Writing - Louise Simonson; Pencils - Paul Smith, Rich Buckler; Inks - Al Milgrom; Colors - Tom Vincent; Lettering - Joe Rosen)

X-Force (1991) #77, 79, 82-90, 96-97 — X-Force starts running into people associated with the Damocles Foundation - a group of Deviants, Eternals, and Humans.

(Writing - Joseph Harris, John Francis Moore; Pencils - Adam Pollina, Jim Cheung, Angel Unzueta, Terry Shoemaker, Anthony Williams; Inks - Mark Morales, Rob Stull, Ray McCarthy, Bud LaRosa, Harry Candelario, Scott Koblish, Derek Mei, Scott Elmer; Colors - Marie Javins, Steve Buccellato, Mike Thomas; Lettering - Comicraft, Chris Eliopoulos)

Earth X (1999) #0-X — Issue 0 is basically Uatu explaining the history of the Marvel Universe to X-51, with a heavy emphasis on the role of the Celestials. This includes a very brief discussion of the Eternals and Deviants, but mostly focuses on the creation of humanity and the birth of super heroes, as the various Celestial Hosts visit Earth. By issue 9, the Celestials return for their Fifth and final Host, and more of their relationship to earth and Uatu is revealed as the remaining heroes defend their planet. Really really good and a must-read in general, even if the Eternals themselves are just footnotes. John Paul Leon makes the Celestials look like the coolest things the Marvel Universe has ever produced. The Reject does get to play a role in the sequel Universe X, though.

(Writing - Jim Krueger, Alex Ross; Pencils - John Paul Leon; Inks - Bill Reinhold; Colors - Matt Hollingsworth, James Sinclair, Melissa Edwards; Lettering - Todd Klein)

New Eternals: Apocalypse Now (2000) #1 — Apocalypse is behind some ill-defined plot that involves destroying Lemuria and turning Karkas into a kaiju. Ikaris’ father Virako is brought back, and they have some quarrels over leadership. This is another good one for Eternals fans but it’s kind of incomprehensible. At the end, the Eternals adopt new superhero identities as “the New Breed,” but this is never mentioned again.

(Writing - Karl Bollers, Mike Higgins; Pencils - Joe Bennett; Inks - Scott Hanna; Colors - John Kalisz; Lettering - Benchmark)

Uncanny X-Men (2012) #1-3 — Mr. Sinister messes with the Dreaming Celestial and it’s bad news for the planet. Magneto comes in handy.

(Writing - Kieron Gillen; Pencils - Carlos Pacheco, Jorge Molina, Rodney Buchemi, Paco Diaz; Inks - Cam Smith, Roger Bonet, Walden Wong; Colors - Frank D'armata, Rachelle Rosenberg, Jim Charalampidis, Dono Sánchez-Almara, Rex Lokus; Lettering - Joe Caramagna)

There’s more stuff with Eternals in it throughout the Marvel Universe, and even more with the Celestials, but this is pretty foundational and focused on the Eternals of Earth. Most of this stuff is on Marvel Unlimited, and the stuff that isn’t is looking like it will be included in a new Omnibus - ”The Complete Saga” - (currently scheduled for December, 2020), like the 1985 series and the “Herod Factor” one-shot. With the MCU movie scheduled for February 2021, it’s highly likely we may be seeing a new series before too long. I recently came across this fascinating bit of research on the behind-the-scenes of Jack Kirby’s work on the The Eternals -- check it out! Four Color Primer: Sersi & The Eternals Part 1

*issue credits gathered from marvel.fandom.com

[madamsixx]

Beyond The Leather Chapter 17: To The Moon

January 13th, 1986

"Wow who gave you these?" Tamara asked walking into my room and noticing the roses in the vase.

Shit! I completely forgot about those. "I...uh...a secret admirer." I lied throwing the covers off of me.

"Well what's his name?" She picked the vase up.

"I said he was a secret admirer. The delivery man gave them to me." I got up out of bed hoping she would stop asking questions.

"That's so cute, you know when I was your age and modeling. A lot of men chased after me. I was the most hottest thing in the news." She chirped

"I believe you Tamara." I giggled.

The thing with Tamara was that she had a lot of guys come calling for her. But she never settled with any of them. She also dosen't have children and I often wonder if that's by choice?

"Soooo how did the Magazine shoots go. I'm sorry I got back late both times I was really busy." She leaned against my dresser crossing her arms.

"They were good, I really really like Rachel." I smiled.

"I'm glad you do cause shes also going to be doing London fashion week. So you'll have somone to talk too." She moved off of the counter and left my room.

"Hey." I called out to Tamara.

"Do I have any bookings or anything today?" I asked.

"No sweety your off today. But tomorrow we have a lot to do."

I brushed, showered, and threw on some clothes. I wanted to relax a bit and watch TV before me and Nikki went out. I heard the phone Ring.

"I got it!" I yelled running to the phone.

"Hello!"

"Mani?"

"Hey Nik! I whispered

"Why are you whispering?" He asked

"Because Tamaras here." I giggled

"Soooo are we still on for today?" He asked like he was unsure if I still wanted to go out with him.

"Yes we are." I whispered again.

He sighed in relief. "When can I get you?" His voice sounded like he was very excited.

"Um... I'll meet you somewhere. We can meet at our old cafe for 6, is that alright with you?"

"Sure is princess."

By this point I was smiling to myself like a school girl. God what has gotten into me. Before I know it I'll be drooling.

"Alright see you then." I laughed.

"Hey before you hang up, what are you wearing?" He laughed.

I hung the phone up right away. Nikki was still Nikki. He could be sweet sometimes but at the same time be a complete pig.

6:15 pm

"Why are you rushing to leave? Can't she pick you up here?" Tamara asked blocking the door way.

"No she can't I promised Her I would meet her Tammi. Now please I need to go!" I raised my voice.

"Do not raise your voice at me young lady. If you don't speak to your mom like that you sure as hell won't speak to me like that!" She shouted.

I looked over at the clock, Nikki for sure would start wondering where I was, or worse he would think that I wasn't going to show up. And whenever Nikki had those type of thoughts he would show up here at the Condo and start making noise. And I didn't need that at the moment right now especially when Tamara was here.

"I'm sorry I just haven't seen Lisa in a while." I spoke softly.

She sighed and moved away from the door. "I want you back here as soon as the movie is over!" She demanded.

"Ok." I hugged her and ran out the door.

I didn't even bother to take the elevator I ran down the stairs in my platforms and bust out the door leading to outside. I ran down the street like I was chasing someone who stole something from me. I finally made it to the cafe that me and Nikki used to meet up at. But he was no where in sight. I walked over to the cashier and decided to ask her if shes seen him.

"H...hi um by any chance have you seen a raven hair guy in here? He's a rock star?" I asked.

She looked me up and down and raised her brow. "What's a girl like you even doing looking for a rockstar don't you know there just trouble?" She popped her gum.

Well she's no help.

I looked up at the clock that read 6:24. Nikki probably left thinking that I stood him up when I didn't, I just got held up. I felt really bad like I let him down. I sat on the chair in the cafe with defeat written all over my face and stared out the window. I got up and turned to leave when I saw Nikki burst through the door panting and sweating.

"Princess I'm so fucking sorry I lost track of time." He said walking towards me. "Please don't leave or get mad. Just give me another chance I'm so fucking sorry." He pleaded grabbing my hands and kissing them.

Well....I guess we were both late. But I don't have to tell him that I was.

"It's ok Nik I'm just glad you showed up." I rubbed his cheek. He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me slowly towards him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and our faces came close to each others. Our noses were inches apart and I could smell the alcohol on his breath as his lips moved closer to mine.

"Emem." The cashier cleared her throat making us break apart and look at her. "If you want to make out or fuck, do it outside of my cafe. Thank you." She pointed to the door. We looked back at each other giggling and he intertwined his hand in mine and we walked out of the cafe together.

"So what did you have in mind princess?" He asked helping me on his bike.

"Were going to the movies. When we get there I'll tell you what movie were going to see." I smirked.

He stood in front of his bike then bit his bottom lip. I felt his eyes trailing up my body from my legs to my torso and stop at my chest which was showing part of my breasts because of the tube dress I was wearing. He gave me a devilish grin then looked up at me.

"Nikki get on your bike and let's go." I demanded. He chuckled then walked around towards me. He leaned and kissed the top of my head.

"Fuck your beautiful." He said as he made his way down to my neck and peppered it with kisses. I closed my eyes and breathed out wanting to feel more of him. His kisses were sweet and I was craving his lips on mine. He then planted one last kiss on my cheek. I started blushing and smiling. "Nikki let's go." I whispered. He got on his bike and I did the same thing as last time. I wrapped my arms around his waist, shuffled close to him, and rested my head on his back. He sped off like lightening with my dress and hair blowing in the wind. If I knew he was going to bring his bike, I would have worn pants or shorts.

We arrived at the movie theater and lined up to get our tickets. I looked around and noticed that a bunch of people gave us curious looks. Nikki noticed it too but payed no mind to it. I think they were surprised by the mis matched pair that we were. He was a crazy looking rock star in all leather and I was a model wearing a Valentino Garavani dress and heels. But that wasn't the only thing, girls were smitten with Nikki and scowling at me. I started to feel weird with all the looks and slowly put my head down and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Dont do that." Nikki lifted my chin with his index finger. "Learn how to tune people out and stop caring about what other people fucking think." He stated. I nodded my head and he put his arm around my shoulder. We walked up to the cashier and she looked at us wide eyed.

"Oh my God Nikki fucking Sixx, I'm a huge fan. Can I get your autograph!" She squealed.

"Sure you can." He smiled.

She pulled out a pen and paper and he took it and wrote his signature on it.

"So doll what movie did you want to see?" I smiled shyly.

"The Karate Kid." I giggled.

Nikki's smile turned into a frown. He rolled his eyes and looked back at the cashier. "Two tickets for the Karate Kid please." He said with a groan. She wasn't even paying attention, she was so far gone day dreaming about Nikki.

"Two tickets for the Karate Kid please!" I raised my voice.

"You don't need to raise your voice at me." She scoffed. She collected the money and gently handed Nikki his ticket and threw mine on the table.

She's lucky I didn't slap her.

"You hungry?" He asked putting his arm around my neck.

"Yes starving." I looked at him.

"What do you want?" He moved his arm away from my neck and brought out his wallet again.

We reached the cashier and I began ordering. "Um I'll have a poutine please with a medium orange pop." I said to the cashier. She looked at me with a scowl and rolled her eyes.

"Hi Nikki I'm a huge fan what could I get for you?" She smiled with all teeth showing.

This girl was actually ignoring me.

"Thanks, I'll have medium fries with a medium coke please." He smiled back.

"Ok that's going to be $5.88 please." She said in a seductive voice."

"That's pretty cheap are you sure you got both orders?" He asked raising a brow.

"Oh forgot hers, what was it again you wanted? A salad?" She gave me a devilish grin.

This bitch.

I leaned over the counter and smiled. "I want you to wipe that grin off your face or I'll take my size 10 heel off, and shove it up your ass." I leaned back. "Now I'll have a poutine with a medium orange pop!" I demanded.

Nikki looked at me with wide eyes and a smile . "Fuck your hot!" He spanked my ass.

"Nikki!" I gasped.

We collected our food and headed into the theater. I was so excited to watch the karate kid. I loved Ralph Macchio. He was so hot and sexy. If I ever met him I would just die I know it. The movie started and my eyes stayed glued to the screen. Nikki on the other hand was bored out of his mind, he would huff and puff one minute, then kick his foot up on the seat in front of him the next.

"This movie fucking sucks!" Nikki shouted.

"Shh!" Somone responded back.

"Nikki shh." I slapped his leg.

"Why do girls like him? What the fuck does he have that I dont?" Nikki snarled.

"Well for one he's classy, he's not a hot head, he's handsome, he's intelligent, and he's the type of man you can bring home to your parents." I responded quietly.

Also he dosen't snort coke, he doesn't get drunk, and he certainly is not a womanizing rock star. But those are just my thoughts. I would never say that directly to Nikki.

Nikki shot me a dirty look and I quickly turned away from him. He crossed his arms and huffed like a toddler that was on time out. I sat back and crossed my legs and started smiling at the scene when Ralph takes his wet shirt off. My lips parted alittle when I see him in his black tank top. God can men really look like this. My chest started moving up and down when he squeezes his wet shirt.

"I wanna leave, now!" Nikki demanded.

"W...why the movie isn't done yet." I furrowed my brows.

"Do you see your self. Your practically having a fucking orgasm watching him with his wet shirt. I wanna fucking go now!" He raised his voice.

"Hey can you be quiet please!" A woman shouted.

"Fuck you bitch!" Nikki shouted back.

"Hey don't speak to my wife like that!" A male voice shouted.

"Your wife's a cunt!" Nikki yelled.

"Oh my God Nikki let's go!" I grabbed him by his jacket and started pulling him towards the door. We exited the movie and I walked fast away from him. I crossed my arms over my chest and walked down the side walk.

"Mani the bike is that way!" Nikki shouted trying to catch up to me.

"I'm not getting your bike Nikki." I stated.

"Why cause I wouldn't let you finish your sex fantasy with Karate boy?" He yelled.

"Because your acting like a child!" I snapped and turned around to face him. "Its a movie Nikki your getting angry over a movie! And on top of that, you said I could choose what I wanted to do! And I wanted to watch the Karate Kid!"

Nikki sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm....I'm sorry I just got jealous." He whispered.

I sighed and crossed my arms. "Can you just take me home?" I asked.

The look in Nikki eyes broke my heart when I asked him to take me home. He looked like he was going to burst out into tears any second. But I honestly didn't want to be around him. Our friendship or what ever this was, was a rollercoaster. One minute we would be up and good then next be down and fighting. It was stressful. And I didn't want stress like this.

He nodded and we walked to his bike not uttering a word to each other. He sat on his bike and I sat behind him.

"Can you...can you please give me another chance? I'm not ready to take you home yet." He looked down at his hands picking his nails.

I rolled my eyes and scratched my neck. I honestly just wanted to go home. Today has just been the worst and I was tired of him.

"Mani!"

"What?" I responded.

"Tell me where you want to go and I'll take you there. But I can't take you home, not yet." He said with a low voice.

I thought about were I wanted to go. I didn't really know any where that I wanted to be right now other than home. And than I thought came to my head.

"I have a place that I want you to take me. If you can't take me there than I'm going home Nikki!" I stated.

"I'll try my best to-"

"No...no trying." I interrupted him. "You either take me there or I go home!"

He breathed out like he was nervous. "Ok... where do you want to go?" Nikki asked.

I leaned forward and whispered in his ear. "To the moon." Then I leaned back.

He turned around to look at me with an expression I couldn't read. His face was blank and I knew he knew that this was a challenge.

"I'll take you there." He turned around without smiling, laughing, smirking, or even grinning. This was a big deal to him and I knew that he wanted to fulfill what I asked. How he would fulfill it, I dont know, but this was going to be a lot of fun. He started his engine and took off. He sped fast passing cars and even running through red lights.

We turned into a neighborhood that I have never seen before. We stopped in front of a small complex/apartment. I looked up and read the sign it said Sunset Strip at 1124 N. Clark St. West. Where the hell are we? He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the complex.

"Hey Nik where are we?" I asked.

"I'll explain later just come." He pulled me along. He stopped in front of a door and knocked on it. The person opened up and her eyes went wide.

"Nikki Sixx how are you?" She squealed. She was an older lady probably in her 50s and she seemed to know him really well.

"I'm fine, I was wondering if I could use the old Motley balcony again. I have a task that I need to fulfill." He said with a serious voice.

"Of course you can. Hi honey how are? I'm Bonnie nice to meet you." She stuck her hand out for me to shake.

"Its nice to meet you too I'm Iman Darlington." I shook back.

"Nikki your girlfriend is beautiful." She cooed.

"Yup she is." Nikki grinned at me.

He then pulled my hand and brought me to the balcony. We ducked underneath the window to get outside. When I looked up I saw the moon shining bright in front me. It looked like I could touch it with the palm of my hands.

"So!" He leaned against the railing looking at me with a smirk. "How'd I do?"

I looked at him and smiled. "Your something else Mr. Sixx." I turned back around to look at the moon.

Nikki moved behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder.

Fly to the moon We'll take my rocketship, It's outta sight, Oh so outta sight. Leave your head, Check into this time, Check your mind, Let your sparkle shine. Pass the sun, Say goodbye to everyone-

"What are you singing?" I giggled.

"Well I took you to the moon so now I have to sing to you." He whispered in my ear. "From the moon, To the stars, To the sun, Baby I'm in..."

He all of a sudden stopped singing. I felt his fingers go underneath my chin and turn my face for me to look at him. I looked up at his hazel eyes that had darkened. He moved in close to my face with his lips parting. His lips grazed mine and he moved his fingers from underneath my chin to the back of my neck and pulled my head towards him. Was this actually happening? Was this my first kiss? He closed the gap between us and kissed my lips. It was beautiful, sweet, and was soft. My heart was pounding I thought it would burst out of my chest. It felt right like we were suppose to be here at this very moment. We parted from each other and looked into each other eyes. He brushed my cheek with his thumb and did that annoying smirk that will get him into trouble one day. I smiled then turned back around to look at the moon. Nikki held tightly on to my waist then kissed my cheek and rested his chin back on my shoulder.