#what can I say grace sex is just built differently ok

[sailorsallyart]

divine blessings 💦

full & very kinky version over on my patreon

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[rosy-roulette]

[10:54]

Pairing: Bang Chan (SKZ) x Fem Reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff at the end

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: oral (male receiving), penetration (female receiving), cowgirl, reader has a small praise kink,  unprotected sex (don't be a fool wrap your tool!)

A/N: so uhhh I've been DEEP in Chan feels recently so uh here is some smut lmao. I usually don't write smut but I decided to try to write these ideas out for once! If you like it please reblog and leave a like and don’t be afraid to let me know what you think in the tags!!!

~~~~ 

"Can we...try something different this time?" You asked, shyly looking up at your boyfriend. You had stopped him a second before things got too heating, you back pressed against the mattress and Chan hovered over you.

"Of course babygirl, tell me what you want." He said, pressing a kiss to your nose before leaning back on his heels. Chan had rid you of your clothes earlier, both of you shedding each other of their clothes during your make out session earlier. He still had his boxers on but you could see the large bulge of his erection struggling against the fabric. You didn't want to stare so instead you played with Chan's fingers that rested on your thighs, avoiding looking at his face out of embarrassment.

"Can I ride you?" You asked, biting your lip as you peek up at him. The idea of being on top has always stayed in the back of your mind ever since you and Chan opened up the conversation of having sex but you have always been too shy to bring up that desire to him. Chan licked his lips.

"Sweetheart, of course you can." A small smile graced his lips as he leaned down to press a quick kiss against your lips before switching positions with you. Chan laid his head against the pillows of your shared bed as you kneeled down between his spread legs. Your fingers gripped the waistband of his boxers, lightly tugging on them. Chan lifted his hips to help you rid him of the constraints, hissing as the air hit his erection. Throwing the undergarment over your shoulder, your mouth watered looking at your boyfriend's cock. It stood tall against his stomach, the tip an angry red as beads of pre-cum pooled from the slit. 

"Babe why didn't you tell me you were so needy?" You teased, a spark of confidence surging through you as you knelt down to grip Chan's length. He let out a gasp as you licked the underside of his cock. 

"Because I was -mhm- focused on you baby" a strangled moan left his lips as you took him into your mouth. Sighing around his length as you lapped up the familiar salty taste, you began to suck and bob your head. Chan’s fingers threaded into your hair, controlling your pace as you sucked him off. Wetness pooled between your legs hearing his soft moans and sighs above you. You felt a burst of pride fill your chest, knowing you were the one making him feel so good with just your mouth. Any prior shyness has melted away and has been replaced with lust and excitement. Feeling his thighs start to twitch from the built up pleasure you pulled off of him, a strangled moan leaving Chan's lips. 

"Don't tease me like that y/n." He whined, his voice airy. You couldn't help but giggle. 

"I still want to ride you Channie, I thought I could warm you up that's all." You teased, catching your breath. You moved up to straddle his waist, both of you trying to catch your breath. He ran his hands up and down your parted thighs to your hips.

"You look so beautiful like this y/n" he said softly, a soft smile gracing his lips as he looked up at you. You felt your cheeks heat up at his compliment. Taking your bottom lip between your teeth, you grab Chan's cock into your fist once again and slowly pumped it. He let out small moans of pleasure as you spread the beads of pre-cum over his length, running your thumb over the extremely sensitive slit a few times. 

As you lift your hips to position his cock at your entrance you shoot a glance at your boyfriend. He looks at you with hooded eyes, his warm eyes dark with lust which only makes your body feel more aflame than it already was. Your eyes flutter shut as you sink down, taking all of Chan inside your wet walls. You hear Chan groan as he watches himself disappear inside of you with ease.

"You take my cock so well babygirl, fuck" Chan moans, gripping your hips. Panting at the slight stretch, you wait a few moments as the burn subsides as Chan rubs comforting circles against your thighs. Planting your hands on his sculpted chest for support, you start to roll your hips down on his cock. Whimpers and sighs fall from your mouth as you start to move faster. "Ahh fuck-Channie~ feels so good MHm" you whimper as you lift up your hips to start to bounce on Chan's cock. 

"God you're so wet-shit-you feel so good" Chan groans, gripping your hips tighter. You whimper as more wetness gushes between your legs, relishing in every word that fall from Chan’s lips. The sound of wet skin slapping together fills the room as you alternate between grinding and bouncing on your boyfriend. You lean back and brace yourself on Chan's thighs as you bounce faster, the new angle causing a string of high pitched moans and curses to fly out of your mouth. 

"Oh god y/n, feel so fucking good. You're such a -mhm oh fuck- such a good girl. Bouncing on my cock like you were made for it." Chan grabs your hips roughly and braces his feet against the bed as he fucks up into you. The sudden added depth catches you off guard as he hits the deep part inside you that has you seeing stars. 

"Oh FUCK right there Chan! OH fUCK AH~" You fall forward and catch yourself with your hands against his chest, thighs shaking as your orgasm approaches. Chan continues to hold your hips tightly in his grip as he quickened his pace, hips snapping into yours.

"Channie~ I-I'm gonna c-cum! Oh my god!"

"M' so close too. Ah~ fuck cum with me babygirl" he moans as one of his hands leaves your hips to feverishly rub your clit and that was all it took for you to fall over the edge. Your hips spasm against Chan's as waves upon waves of pleasure spread through your body. You hear Chan curse as warmth fills you as you collapse onto his chest, breathing heavily and gripping Chan's shoulders. His hips stutter to a stop and you feel his hands leave their purchase on your hips to gently rub up and down your bare back. You two stay there like that for a few minutes, listening to each other catch your breath. You whimper softly as he pulls his now softened cock out of you. 

"Shhhh it's ok." He whispers, moving sweaty strands of hair out of your face. 

"Sorry for the bruises in advance by the way." Chan adds, chucking softly as his fingers graze over the skin of your hips.

“Channie~” you whine as you hide your face in his neck, heat licking at your cheeks. Chan only laughs harder, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to his chest. “You're so cute.” he coos. You can’t help but smile. 

A comfortable silence falls between the both of you, basking in each other’s presence. You start to feel drowsy as the gentle caress of Chan’s finger tips traveling up and down your spine lull you to sleep. 

“Y/n.” Chan calling your name softly pulls you out of your sleepy state.

"Hm?" You sluggishly push yourself off your lovers chest to look at him. The afterglow is still there and god does he look ethereal. Of course you didn't know that he was thinking the same thing about you.

"I love you" he says softly, his hand coming up to cup your cheek. You press into his touch, blush dusting your cheeks. 

"I love you too Chan."  

[moddeydhoo]

What In¢els Sound Like When They Man$plain hashtag BioTruths™

(N.B. sexual language throughout)

Boys. You're not fooling anyone, ok? Oh my god, you're adorable, but just stop.

You have to accept that you're just built differently from normal people. There are things you simply aren't wired to do! Your bodies are designed for fucking and breeding. You can't deny basic anatomy, babes. When you're sexually aroused, you can't think about anything else; women, meanwhile, are skilled at multitasking and can suppress their mating urges through logic. Your refractory period* means you're made to be monogamous, whereas women's ability to have multiple orgasms makes polyandry the biological norm for them. Your tits have no practical purpose; practically no men lactate. Your chests are for sensual attraction only. So are your glutes. It's just biology, loves; don't get tilted. Just flex away that sour face.

* (trans and non-hetero people are conveniently excluded from these Bio's Truth for some reason, oh what could it be)

And as for the workplace! Oh, darling boys, what has modern life done to you? You're not made to sit in offices answering phones. Your underdeveloped communication abilities make you fundamentally unsuited to complicated things like diversity training, sexual harassment workshops, and listening to complex instructions. Seriously, you need to leave all that boring, hard social stuff to the women! Boys can ONLY, and this is proven universally true by studies*, be fulfilled by hunting and providing for your families, working with your hands, and building things: in other words, food shopping, housework and putting up shelves. With power tools! You love those.

* (I don't need to cite them. Boys don't read sources anyway. All those long words without any pictures of cars, am I right? Obviously I'm right. I've done hours of research on subreddits that say things I agree with.)

Now, on to why modern boys are unsatisfied, unhappy, and the most decadent sluts since the fall of Troy. Modern, feminist education teaches you the lies that you are identical to women (instead of equal but separate) and deserve 'careers', poor things, and that sleeping around until your penises look like gnawed-on salami is just fine, instead of being the quickest way to use up your looks and drive away any good women who would hubby you and treat you right. Modern boys' heads are so easily turned by layladies that you'll let anyone who slaps your asses and verbally abuses you take you home in an instant! Who could trust that kind of poor judgement? This is why boyfriends should be assigned to women by the government based on the woman's looks and status. The emotional, sex-driven boy brain simply isn't wired to make the decisions that are best for him. We must protect our boys and return them to the innocent state of grace they enjoyed in the hardware store of Eden. Deus lo vulva!

------------

(Serious time: this post is satire. I said up top what I'm satirising. In real life, all gender essentialist rhetoric is wrong, whomever it's aimed at. Give men space to be thoughtful and vulnerable. When you demonise them as instinct-driven monsters, they start to believe it. Doing this shit to transmascs is particularly unfair and needs to stop. Go ye and ask a local man about his favourite flower today.)

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the April 2021 Edition

I did not read Romeo and Juliet this month. I read a bunch of other books. Like, a bunch. More than one series. Because Big Bang burnout is real and grown adults missing their deadlines is a real good way to stress me out. So, I read a bunch. Good books, very bad books, books that caused limbs to flail. For positive and not-so-positive reasons. Naturally, all those reasons must be shared. Under the cut with occasionally long and rant-prone reviews, as well as spoilers. Beware of spoilers under the cut. Please keep telling me what to read, internet. My library wish list is almost comically long now.

GIVE ME ALL THE WORLD BUILDING AND SNARK AND FIGHTING! WITH MAGIC! AND SWORDS! IT’S MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

Shades of Magic Series by V.E. Schwab

Kell is one of the last Antari—magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel Londons; Red, Grey, White, and, once upon a time, Black. After an exchange goes awry, Kell escapes to Grey London and runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. Now perilous magic is afoot, and treachery lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they'll first need to stay alive.

— Picture it, approximately twelve forty-seven am. My husband is asleep. I am reading. The second book in this series ends. And I say, right out loud, at what might now be twelve forty-eight am, HOLY SHIT IT JUST ENDED. Justin thought we were under attack. No man has ever snapped awake quicker. He was not pleased. At least not in the same way that I was about these books. Which I goddamn LOVED. Loved. The world building. The magic. The banter. Rhy and Kell’s relationship. Once more. RHY AND KELL’S RELATIONSHIP. Which I might have cared about more than the romance??? Maybe??? I cannot get over how good this world building was. I know people have quips with it, and that’s fair. I saw the “twist” coming in the first book, and I think trying to preserve that left some plot holes that are understandably frustrating. Because Lilah definitely needed depth perception to fight as well as she did. Also did Schwab really refer to her as a cross dresser in her author’s note? Yikes. She wore a dude’s jacket, like—c’mon V.E. Other than that though. I loved it. Also shout out to @peglegsjones for suggesting this one in my 2020 post and call out to me for taking so long to read it.

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price—and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can't pull it off alone. . . . A convict with a thirst for revenge. A sharpshooter who can't walk away from a wager. A runaway with a privileged past. A spy known as the Wraith. A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums.  A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes.   Six dangerous outcasts. One impossible heist. Kaz's crew is the only thing that might stand between the world and destruction—if they don't kill each other first.

— I’ve talked about how little I cared about anything that happened in Shadow and Bone before, but I kept seeing gifs of the Crows in the Netflix show and my brain was like: huh, I could like them. So, after some help from the very helpful internet, I’m happy to report I do in fact like them. At one point, I slunk into the couch. Like that’s how overcome with emotion I was. Kaz ripped a dude’s eye out! For Inej! Matthias loved Nina’s laugh! I would like to hug Jesper. Seriously, this hit all my high points and world building and banter and I lol’ed at “scheming face.” I would like my hold to come through faster on the sequel.

THEY DID NOT CALL INTERMISSION HALFTIME AND MY COLLEGE EXPERIENCE WAS WAY DIFFERENT THAN THESE KIDS

The Off Campus Series by Elle Kennedy

Hannah Wells has finally found someone who turns her on. But while she might be confident in every other area of her life, she’s carting around a full set of baggage when it comes to sex and seduction. If she wants to get her crush’s attention, she’ll have to step out of her comfort zone and make him take notice…even if it means tutoring the annoying, childish, cocky captain of the hockey team in exchange for a pretend date. All Garrett Graham has ever wanted is to play professional hockey after graduation, but his plummeting GPA is threatening everything he’s worked so hard for. If helping a sarcastic brunette make another guy jealous will help him secure his position on the team, he’s all for it. But when one unexpected kiss leads to the wildest sex of both their lives, it doesn’t take long for Garrett to realize that pretend isn’t going to cut it. Now he just has to convince Hannah that the man she wants looks a lot like him.

— The first book in this series was free on Amazon. So, I read it. And really liked it??? It was so chock full of cliches and badly written tropes and Garrett probably should have accepted that Hannah didn’t want to go out at the start, but like—he was cute? And as we all know I am TRASH™ for stories set in the same verse, so, like, I just kept reading these trashy college hockey books. Trashy is a compliment here. God, these kids had so much sex. So much. An incredible amount, really. I once had a guy tell me he was physically attracted to me, but not emotionally attracted to me in college. Like, that was my college experience. The first and second books were the best, I think. I didn’t really like Dean that much.

MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS A RABBI???

The Intimacy Experiement by Rosie Danan

Naomi Grant has built her life around going against the grain. After the sex-positive start-up she cofounded becomes an international sensation, she wants to extend her educational platform to live lecturing. Unfortunately, despite her long list of qualifications, higher ed won't hire her. Ethan Cohen has recently received two honors: LA Mag nominated him as one of the city's hottest bachelors and he became rabbi of his own synagogue. Low on both funds and congregants, the executive board of Ethan's new shul hired him with the hopes that his nontraditional background will attract more millennials to the faith. They've given him three months to turn things around or else they'll close the doors of his synagogue for good. Naomi and Ethan join forces to host a buzzy seminar series on Modern Intimacy, the perfect solution to their problems--until they discover a new one--their growing attraction to each other. They've built the syllabus for love's latest experiment, but neither of them expected they'd be the ones putting it to the test.

— Ok, I know that sounds bad. Again, I’m a creature of predictable habit and this was the sequel to The Roommate, which I absolutely LOVED last year. But where as the relationship in that one was kind of swoony, this one was...I don’t know, really. Everyone was a well-rounded character and the plot was good, but there was this semi-invisible something that made it difficult for me to get fully on board with the whole story. Honestly, it might be because he was a religious figure?? Also, they got together real quick. Like zero to sixty in twenty-six seconds flat.

I KNOW IT’S BAD, IT WAS BAD AND YET—I CANNOT STOP READING IT???

Too Wild to Tame by Tessa Bailey

Sometimes you just can't resist playing with fire . . . By day, Aaron Clarkson suits up, shakes hands, and acts the perfect gentleman. But at night, behind bedroom doors, the tie comes off and the real Aaron comes out to play. Mixing business with pleasure got him fired, so Aaron knows that if he wants to work for the country's most powerful senator, he'll have to keep his eye on the prize. That's easier said than done when he meets the senator's daughter, who's wild, gorgeous, and 100 percent trouble. Grace Pendleton is the black sheep of her conservative family. Yet while Aaron's presence reminds her of a past she'd rather forget, something in his eyes keeps drawing her in. Maybe it's the way his voice turns her molten. Or maybe it's because deep down inside, the ultra-smooth, polished Aaron Clarkson might be more than even Grace can handle . . .

— Last month I read the first book in this series and it was absolutely ridiculous. This one even more so. The Clarksons are still on the road trip (sans one sibling because she fell in love in a week in the first book) and Aaron was, like, not a root’able character? Very Edward Cullen I’M A BAD GUY, BELLA vibes and his relationship with Grace was so strange. Super rushed again, obvs. Meeting in the woods is weird enough. Professing love forty-eight hours later is decidedly unbelievable. Also there was a kidnapping involved? I totally put a hold on the next book in the series.

COME UP WITH DIFFERENT TRAUMA, I DARE YOU! OR NO TRAUMA. WHAT A CONCEPT!!

The Trouble With Hating You by Sajni Patel

Liya Thakkar is a successful biochemical engineer, takeout enthusiast, and happily single woman. The moment she realizes her parents' latest dinner party is a setup with the man they want her to marry, she's out the back door in a flash. Imagine her surprise when the same guy shows up at her office a week later -- the new lawyer hired to save her struggling company. What's not surprising: he's not too thrilled to see her either after that humiliating fiasco.

Jay Shah looks good on paper...and off. Especially if you like that whole gorgeous, charming lawyer-in-a-good-suit thing. He's also infuriating. As their witty office banter turns into late-night chats, Liya starts to think he might be the one man who truly accepts her. But falling for each other means exposing their painful pasts. Will Liya keep running, or will she finally give love a real chance?

— I had such high hopes for this one. Which is on me, I guess. Because I didn’t hate this one, but it was...not great. Maybe I’m just getting old and crotchety but I am BEGGING romance writers to come up with different trauma for their female protagonists. Not every woman has to have been assaulted to rationalize their current personality. Doesn’t have to happen. Like, ok, yes it does happen. Far more than it should. But that’s an entirely different story, and I am so tired of female characters getting absolutely destroyed by their past only to have that be their defining characteristic for so much of the book. Until a nice man they were initially mean to shows up and he’s UNDERSTANDING and he CARES and it’s just, bleh. It’s bleh. Tired and predictable and I’m over it.

IN WHICH I SHOULD HAVE LOOKED AT THE COVER

Much Ado About You by Samantha Young

At thirty-three-years old Evangeline Starling’s life in Chicago is missing that special something. And when she’s passed over for promotion at work, Evie realizes she needs to make a change. Some time away to regain perspective might be just the thing. In a burst of impulsivity, she plans a holiday in a quaint English village. The holiday package comes with a temporary position at Much Ado About Books, the bookstore located beneath her rental apartment. There’s no better dream vacation for the bookish Evie, a life-long Shakespeare lover. Not only is Evie swept up in running the delightful store as soon as she arrives, she’s drawn into the lives, loves and drama of the friendly villagers. Including Roane Robson, the charismatic and sexy farmer who tempts Evie every day with his friendly flirtations. Evie is determined to keep him at bay because a holiday romance can only end in heartbreak, right? But Evie can’t deny their connection and longs to trust in her handsome farmer that their whirlwind romance could turn in to the forever kind of love.

— Ok, so I had had this book on hold for so long that I genuinely forgot about it and forgot who it was written by. Samantha Young wrote that one book that I called the worst book I had ever read. Only I did not realize that when I started reading this one. So, you see how this sets us up for disaster. Because this book was a disaster. Everyone was goddamn annoying. And whiny. Shit, everyone whined. About everything. Also, the actual writing was atrocious. I am not usually one to be like “men can’t write,” but at one point I told both @shireness-says and @optomisticgirl that this book must have been secretly written by a man because no woman writing it would be so obsessed with pointing out where her cellulite was. Like, what??? Also the first sex scene? Oh my God, I laughed. Guffawed. The so-called love interest literally asked: “Are we going to have sex now?” And then they just did. It was so bad. Also there was a dog? Who went everywhere with the so-called love interest. And they just never explained that? I thought it was going to be part of some crushing and depressing backstory. Nah, he was just there.

HOLY SHIT THIS WAS SO DUMB I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WAS A BOOK! A BOOK MEANT FOR YOUNG ADULTS! WHAT IS YOUNG ADULT???

The Queen’s Secret by Melissa de la Cruz

Lilac's birthright makes her the Queen of Renovia, and a forced marriage made her the Queen of Montrice. But being a ruler does not mean making the rules. For Lilac, taking the throne means giving up the opportunity to be with love of her life, the kingdom's assassin, Caledon Holt. Worse, Cale is forced to leave the castle when a horrific set of magical attacks threatens Lilac's sovereignty. Now Cal eand Lilac will have to battle dark forces separately, even though being together is the only thing that's ever saved them.

— Remember last month when I was like: can’t wait for my hold to come through on this sequel so I know what happens? What an idiot. THIS BOOK WAS SO DUMB I CANNOT BELIEVE IT WAS A BOOK. As always in my rage-induced rants, no apologies for spoilers because seriously do NOT read this, but Lilac (legit, that was her name) married some other dude but just kept fucking Cale??? Like she had a secret door? So he could come in and they could fuck?? I just—oh my God. So, all these things kept happening. Magic and bad stuff and horses were killed. Lilac’s mother was the absolute WORST. Honestly the most worthless character who at one point was like “well, my story is over, guess it’s time to leave,” and then just left?? Forced Lilac into a marriage of alliance and no love and then everything evil was defeated in point two four seconds. It happened so fast I wasn’t even sure it happened. So, then I’m like, ok, how are Lilac and Cale going to end up together? Because this is YA and that’s how it’s supposed to work. Only her being married and that marriage requiring an heir is something of a rather large hurdle. Don’t worry! Remember when Lilac and Cale were fucking? Everyone totally knew. Including the king Lilac is married to. Who is somehow like...ok with this? And tells Cale that Lilac is pregnant. ISN’T THAT WONDERFUL! Sure, because now they can lie and claim its the king’s heir. ONLY IT’S CALE’S KID! AND CALE IS COOL WITH THIS! His entire internal monologue during this is about how he realizes he might not ever be able to tell his kid he’s their father, but he’ll be around and that’s good. Wait, what??? But there’s more! Not only is Lilac having Cale’s kid, but the king she’s married to is in love with one of Cale’s spy associates. So the king and the spy are going to go hang out (and presumably have their own kids) at one castle and Lilac and Cale are going to go to another. Lilac and the king never get divorced or annulled or whatever. Everyone stays as is and married as is and—they all live happily ever after? This was presented as a good ending, I swear. What the shit, guys, seriously.

[kelseaaa]

Can I request a little something for Levi x mc? 🥺Idk if you take requests, if not, that's ok you don't have to!! I just miss him 😭

Thank you for your patience @simp-for-villains​!! I miss Levi, too! Hope you don’t mind that a little nsfw action ;) It’s almost 2k, kind of got away from me lol.

Book: Mother of the Year

Pairing: Levi Schuler x MC (Tara Day)

Warnings: very nsfw

~~~~~

Rare Moments

“I can’t believe we live 10 feet from each other and I can’t even see you,” Levi grumbled through the phone.

“Well, you’re the one who decided to go grocery shopping in the middle of a pandemic,” she countered. Levi couldn’t see it, but he knew she was rolling her eyes.

When news hit about a deadly virus and a global pandemic, Tara had been on the ball with everything. Quickly stocking up on essentials without going overboard. Ensuring that Zoey got all her homeschool materials from Eiko so she could stay on top of things. Even figuring out a way to work from home through everything.

Levi had not been so lucky.

He knew to take things seriously but he had not been as serious as Tara. Causing him to still go out every few weeks to buy food and supplies - if there was anything left to buy.

“I know, I know. I should have listened to you,” he conceded before plopping down on his couch. “But I still don’t get why I can’t come over.”

He listened as she let out an exasperated sigh. “You know I can’t risk anything happening to Zoey.”

She was right, like always. Levi wouldn’t do anything to put either Tara or Zoey at risk. He still didn’t like it, though.

He decided to drop that conversation for the night. “So, how was Rocket, today?” he asked with genuine sincerity. Levi could hear the creak of Tara’s bed on the other side of the phone.

“She’s loving this,” Tara replied cooly. “She misses her friends but she’s already finished all the schoolwork the Academy gave out. She’s been doing all kinds of projects and research. And she loves to fill me in on every detail.”

Levi could hear the strain in her voice. It made his lips quirk into a knowing smirk. “And how are you handling all this?” he asked with amusement.

“Let’s just say today was a ‘two glasses of wine’ kind of day,” she huffed out.

Levi laughed. “You’re doing great, Tara.” He grew serious for a second before speaking again. “I wish I could help you. Help with all this. I wish I could be there.”

There was silence for a moment on the other line. “I know, Levi. Me too. That really means a lot.”

This was one of the rare moments in their crazy lives. One where they took the time for each other. It was serious and meaningful. It made Levi reflect on what he wanted. Who he wanted. The life he wanted with these two extraordinary girls that lived next door. The future they could have.

“Hey,” Tara said, breaking Levi from his wandering thoughts which was probably for the best at the moment. “What are you doing right now?”

He could hear the playfulness in her voice which made his brow raise slightly in delight. “Just chillin’ here all by my lonesome. Why you ask, Miss Day?”

She didn’t respond, instead he heard the familiar alert of a video call coming through his phone. He pulled it away from his ear and hit the accept button. He was quickly met by a smiling face and stunning green eyes.

“Hey, beautiful,” he greeted and took pleasure in the slight blush that blossomed across her cheeks. She was laying down on her bed, auburn hair fanned out across her pillows.

“Hello, handsome,” she responded back. He probably should have been more embarrassed by the dopey grin that was on his face, but seeing her - even if it was through video - made everything feel right in the world.

“Is that my shirt?” he asked, taking in the oversized, black band tee he realized several days ago that he was missing.

She looked down at the shirt then back to the camera. “Maybe,” she responded with a mischievous smile.

“Well it looks better on you, that’s for sure,” he commented with a laugh. “Is Rocket asleep?”

Tara nodded her head and Levi couldn’t help but notice the way she slowly ran the tips of her fingers across her bottom lip. His body shuddered and he silently cursed to himself for not being more careful during this pandemic. He would give anything to be in bed with her instead of alone on his couch.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Tara asked, her voice dropping an octave lower.

Levi liked where this was heading.

“You,” he responded earnestly. The smile that she gave him made his chest constrict and his stomach flip.

Then she had the nerve to bite the tip of her finger. “What about me?”

“I’m thinking about all the things I would do to you if you were here with me right now,” he began. “Or if I was in that bed with you.”

“Tell me,” she urged and Levi swallowed hard as the hand that was on her face slowly slid down and out of frame.

Levi’s own hand trailed down his bare chest and stomach, landing on the outside of his sweatpants to palm himself. “I would make you feel so good, Tara.”

“Yes,” she responded breathlessly as she closed her eyes. “Tell me more. Tell me what you want.”

Levi felt hot all over. The sounds coming from his phone - near-silent pants and almost inaudible moans - were making his head spin.

“Pull up your shirt,” he directed. She did, pulling the fabric up until it bunched up under her chin, leaving the silky skin of her chest exposed to him. He all but groaned when her hand traced circles around her pert skin. “That’s it, Tara. How does that feel?”

Her only response was a moan causing him to twitch against his leg. Levi’s hand found it’s way beneath his pants and boxers where he started to stroke languidly.

This wasn’t their first time. Over the past few weeks with nowhere to go and nothing to do, they had found themselves on similar calls. A way to relieve the built-up frustration of not being able to see, kiss, and touch each other.

Levi had usually been the one to follow directions, letting Tara lead. He did everything to make her happy and satisfied, letting her take charge during their late-night calls. But tonight was different. Tonight he was in control.

“Touch yourself,” he demanded. His voice was firm but full of affection and need.

He could tell by the way her eyes widened that she was pleasantly surprised at the directions. He watched her hand that had previously been rubbing over her chest move back down out of frame. A moment later there was a slight gasp from her parted lips and Levi’s quickened his own pace.

“Show me, Tara.” He watched as the screen shifted and soon he was staring at the bow of her hips and the delicious skin of her bare thighs. His tongue ran along his lower lip as he watched her fingers moving delicately under the black, cotton fabric covering her sex. “Take them off.”

He heard her huff before she set the phone down, the screen going black. He heard the sound of fabric rustling and then a moment later she picked the phone back up and positioned it back towards her lower half. She was fully exposed now, her fingers working deftly against her sensitive skin.

Using one hand, Levi shifted to pull down his sweatpants and boxers slightly, freeing himself to the open air. He continued to stroke himself, picturing her instead of his hand. “Talk to me, Tara. Tell me what you want.”

There was an audible gasp of his name followed by a low moan escaping her throat. The sounds only made him harder.

“I wish you were here,” Tara replied, her voice barely above of whisper.

Levi groaned. “Me too, baby.”

“I wish this was you,” she began, her fingers slowly dipping into her folds. “Your fingers, your mouth, your cock.”

Levi muttered a curse at her words. He loved it when her pretty mouth spouted off such vulgar things. This was a side a Tara reserved for only him. And now he was already dangerously close to finishing.

“Faster, Tara,” he instructed and reveled in the way her fingers moved deeper inside her at a delicious pace. His thoughts were moving a mile a minute now. “Just like that. God, I want to fuck you so bad. Are you close?”

“Yes, Levi, I’m so close,” she whimpered.

“I want to watch you as you come, baby.”

A moment later the camera had switched back to her face. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted slightly as breathless moans and wanton sounds left her mouth. Her cheeks were flushed heavily and the slight crinkle across her brow let him know that she was almost there.

His eyes trailed over the curve of her lips, the definition of her collarbone, and the softness of her breasts. She panted his name and he whispered words of encouragement and praise.

“Levi… I’m… I…”

“That’s it, Tara. Let go,” he soothed and soon she was chorusing his name through her heavy breath. Her shoulders trembled and she arched slightly from the bed. She was a vision and soon Levi followed. Closing his eyes, he jerked his hips upwards and spilled out across his hand and stomach. Both lines grew quiet, save for the sounds of shallow breaths escaping both their lips.

When Levi finally opened his eyes, he saw Tara staring back at him, a huge, wicked smile gracing her lips. Levi returned the grin - all teeth. “You’re amazing, you know that?” he asked rhetorically. The way she blushed made his heart stutter in his chest.

“Yeah, I do,” she sighed dreamily, making Levi snort and roll his eyes. He shot her a pointed look through the screen before they both broke out into laughter. After a few more minutes of laughter and easy conversation, the pair said their goodbyes and got off the call.

After a quick shower, Levi laid in bed - alone - scrolling through his phone. He was just about to set it down on his nightstand when a familiar ding sounded through the room. He smiled as he opened the text from his neighbor who should have most definitely been asleep by now.

T: Miss you

L: Miss you too

There was a pause as Levi stared at the three little dots appearing then disappearing on the screen until finally-

T: If you promise to stay home and self-quarantine for the next two weeks, I’ll let you come over. Think you can do that?

Levi smiled to himself. He pretended to weigh the idea in his idea before responding back right away. Even though he knew exactly what his answer would be.

L: Sounds good to me :)

T: Great! See you in two weeks ;) Goodnight

L: Night Tara. Love you

T: I love you too

Levi plugged in his phone and laid it on the nightstand. It wasn’t hard to fall asleep. The promise of being able to see - actually see - the love of his life in two weeks made things much easier and soon he was out.

~~~~~

[deliasbabe]

The Distance Between You & I- Harriet x Matt

Words: 2,361

Warnings: Unplanned Pregnancy, Light Angst, Language

 It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Hannah Harriet Hayes always had a plan, a strict plan, especially when it came to starting a family. She had run through the scenario many times. It was Matt’s, of course; it had always been Matt’s. There was never a scenario where it wasn’t Matt’s, even when the two were broken up yet again, even when she was with another man. It was always Matt’s. The two of them would be perched on the tub, happily married, together, waiting for the second line to appear with bated breath. They would be overjoyed, after all, they always wanted kids. Matt would grin and hug her tightly, swinging her around in that way he always did when he was excited. The cast would be ecstatic and supportive when they broke the news, and Matt would make a sly joke about how there was no way their child was going to grow up to be a “jesus freak”, causing Harriet to smack his arm playfully. The two would bicker back and forth like they always did, the playful banter that had become the hallmark of their relationship, their very own love language. Harriet had a plan, he was supposed to be there, they were supposed to be in love, but people plan and god laughs, and boy, was he laughing now.

It wasn’t like the two hadn’t tried to make it work, they really did. But one bad pull quote from a terrible interview was enough to put them on the rocks, and soon they were shipwrecked. The banter turned to bickering, which turned to some not so subtle jabs, and then an all-out brawl in Matt’s office. Matt was the one who pulled the plug, after they had gone six rounds in the span of three hours. Then, Harriet collected her belongings from his house and the two barely even spoke, dancing around each other in cast meetings and rehearsals. All it took was one date with Luke and a few too many drinks at an after party for the two to end up having drunk, angry sex in the tech room, and then it was like it never even happened. Matt didn’t speak another word about it, the two never talked, he just gave the cold shoulder like he so often did, and the two did the dance that had become all too familiar, tiptoeing around residual feelings and unspoken words.

Harriet had tried to move on, but six weeks later something just wasn’t right. What she thought was the stomach flu turned out to be something else entirely, and there she sat, taking a pregnancy test in Jordan’s bathroom, alone, listening to the executive soothe a crying Rebecca back to sleep. Harriet had always been meticulous about taking her birth control. She didn’t like surprises and she certainly didn’t like being blindsided. Being unwed and knocked up would certainly put a stain on her good Christian reputation. But after the blowout, she really didn’t see the point. It wasn’t like she was having sex, even when she was with Luke the two never really seemed to be together, and truthfully Harriet always had one foot out the door. It just wasn’t right, he wasn’t him, and Harriet would be a fool if she denied the fact that she knew her person would always be Matt. So, when the second line came through clear as day, it had to be Matt’s.

Jordan could barely keep the grin off her face when Harriet broke the news. Rebecca wasn’t even six months old, the two babies would only be about a year apart, a built in best friend. Still, she was there with tissues when Harriet cried, offering reassuring words. No matter what has happened, you two are a team. You’ve always been a team. Her words were true, despite the numerous breakups and fights and religious differences they still remained each other’s biggest supporters. Harriet was still the only person who could draw Matt out of a writing rut, and Matt continued to throw her the ball every chance he could, not only bringing the show’s ratings up to rival SNL but cementing Harriet’s A-list status in Hollywood. The two worked well together, and right then that was the only thing that was keeping Harriet from losing her damn mind.

Still, the two could barely keep a relationship going for longer than six months. They spent more time pining for each other than they did in each other’s arms, and that was enough to make her heave into the bowl once again. What if they weren’t in love? What if they were both just in love with the idea of being in love? It seemed like they were made for each other, that once in a lifetime kind of love that you saw in movies, the kind that was filled with passion and excitement, the kind where your partner made you want to kiss them and rip out your own hair at the roots. That dizzy, intoxicating love. But intoxication was still toxic, no matter how right it felt in the moment, you still had to deal with the hangover, the blaring reminder that it was truly harmful in the long run. Harriet tried, but she never seemed to learn her lesson, and now they had much more to deal with than just a couple of broken hearts.

She went home early that day, feigning some vague illness in order to ward of suspicion. She just needed time to think, to figure things out. Knowing Matt would be there regardless should have been a huge relief, but all it did was turn her stomach into knots. They were always so hot and cold, so off and on. When they were on, it was great, but it seemed like it only took one small thing, one miscommunication and they were at each other’s throats, hurling insults like it was their favorite sport, not caring the damage they did. They were childish and immature, maybe a little overdramatic. Harriet had spent a majority of her childhood trying to diffuse the tension between her own parents, and she would die before she did that to her own child. But did she have a choice?

Why the hell can’t you two get it together?

The issue was, Harriet did believe they could make it work, if only they had the willpower to stop with these stupid games. They were both at fault, both too stubborn to see their own errors. Harriet hated that she still held hope, that she still was lost in that fairytale land of commitment and honesty. A part of her believed that this, this baby, their baby, could be the missing link, the thing that finally forced them to grow the hell up and put away their own selfish need to always be right. But that wasn’t fair to put on a child, none of this was fair to put on a child. A child should have a happy home, with parents who can at least be civil with each other, and Harriet wasn’t even sure they would be able to do that.

It didn’t help that Matt hadn’t stopped texting her from the moment she left. Are you ok? Do you need me to take you to the doctor? Do you need anything? Her brain was telling her to ignore it, that all it was doing was clouding her judgement. She had been swaying back and forth between making it work and cutting the relationship off completely all day, and each concerned text just made her want to leap into his arms and stay there forever. She had to be rational, she had to think this through, because it wasn’t just about her anymore.

She paced back and forth, wringing her hands as she tried to muster up the courage to reply. She couldn’t put this off, someone was bound to notice sooner rather than later, and Harri had never been a very good liar. She maybe had until the end of the night before Jordan spilled the beans to Danny, and that was being generous. She had to tell him tonight, she just didn’t know if she could. It wasn’t like Matt was a bad guy, he was a great guy, that’s what made all of this so infuriating. Sure, he was a complete jackass sometimes. But when it came down to it he was a really good guy, the best guy, the kind you could depend on, and that made it all so much scarier, because Harriet knew he would be there. But it was too late to worry about that, so with shakey hands, she sent the text.

I need you to come over tonight. We need to talk.

Then, she panicked, not wanting him to read too much into it and rush over.

About the show.

Matt, of course, had a wise ass remark on the tip of his tongue the second she opened the door. “Harri, I told you, you don’t need to rework your Nancy Grace impression. Her voice hasn’t changed in 20 years.” Matt said as he walked through the door. He always liked to act like his coming over was a hassle, yet he responded to her beck and call without hesitation. As much as he tried to keep up his macho persona, he was totally and completely whipped, and they both knew it. He never would say no to her, he never could say no to her. When she needed him, he was there, he would always be there.

Harriet threw him a look, “I didn’t call you over here to talk about Nancy Grace, genius.”

Matt gave a knowing smirk, “I knew that. I just thought we should get the theatrics out of the way before we get into the real reason.” Matt watched Harriet worry her bottom lip between her teeth, knowing her well enough to sense that whatever she called him over for was important. “What, is this about the note I gave earlier? Look, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you in front of Simon and Tom but you know I can’t give you special treatment. The guys have already started calling me a pansy ass.”

“It’s not about the note.” Harriet said quickly, looking up at Matt with wide, scared eyes. This was supposed to be simple, easy, and it would be if Matt would just stop talking. She felt tears prickle behind her eyes, silently cursing herself and the damn hormones that had already seemed to have her in their grasp. She was confident five minutes ago, but staring at the object of her affections was enough to make her go weak in the knees and have the panic completely consume her. As soon as a tear escaped and she moved to wipe it away Matt was all over her, he hated to see her cry. A gentle hand on her shoulder and she was done for, burrowing into his arms and crying into his chest as he tangled his hand in her hair and held her tightly.

“Harri, what is it? You’re scaring me.” Matt said, his macho persona quickly dissolving, his eyes filling will concern once she looked up at him with smudged makeup and running mascara, “You know you can talk to me.”

“I’m pregnant.” Harriet blurted, sucking in a sharp breath before burrowing back into his chest, scared to see his reaction.

It was silent, too silent, unnerving. Harriet braced to defend herself, to tell him that she hadn’t gotten into this mess by herself, that they both were equally responsible for this shit show, but then Matt laughed, “Maybe there is a god.” And oh, if looks could kill, the daggers Harriet was shooting out of her chocolate brown irises would have slit his throat, but he just grinned down at her, and suddenly, she didn’t know if the tears running down her face were from joy or frustration, or maybe the wind had shifted direction. He grabbed her by the shoulders, studying her face for a moment with his brows furrowed, “Why are you crying? Harri… this is great!”

“Why am I crying?” Harriet asked indignantly, huffing as she wiped the snot that was dripping down her top lip with the back of her hand. “I’m crying because we’ve barely spoken in months! We aren’t married, we aren’t even together and…” Harriet ranted, only to be cut off by Matt’s lips on hers, instantly melting under his touch. 

He was good, too good. He always knew just what to say and do to make Harriet’s head spin and send the butterflies in her stomach swirling about. He pulled back, holding her face between his hands softly, forcing her to look him in the eye. “Harriet, I’m here. I’m yours. I’ve always been yours.” He said earnestly, waiting for her to nod before breaking into a grin, “I’m going to be a dad!” Before Harriet could even blink, he looped his strong arms around her waist and swung her around, not stopping until he could hear her soft giggles, “God, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Harriet said, giving a soft smile as she wiped at her wet cheeks.

“Why are you still crying? We’re going to have a baby!” Matt practically yelled, his excitement so palpable Harriet wondered how his cheeks hadn’t started to hurt.

“I know, I know. I don’t even know why I’m crying. I was just… scared.” Harriet admitted, ducking her head. The fear still lingered in the back of her mind, but it wasn’t the right moment for that, not when everything seemed so good.

“That I would be upset?” Matt asked, the hurt behind his eyes obvious.

“No! No… I knew that you weren’t going to be upset.” Harriet said quickly, “I just thought you would have made at least one wise ass comment by now about not knowing if it was yours.”

“It’s mine.” Matt said confidently, a condescending grin plastered on his face, “I know it’s mine.”

Harriet playfully smacked his arm with a grimace, “You’re so damn cocky.”

[samclownchester]

Supernatural Rewatch 04x10

Heaven and Hell

(Next Episode | Masterlist | Previous Episode)

Ok, there’s a lot to unpack in this episode, let’s see what I can do

Angels and Emotion

We find out that Anna chose to fall, to extract her grace from herself and become human, mostly because she was tired of being perfect like a marble statue, she wanted to feel.

(Side Note: I am so confused as to where her body came from. Did she just like … insert herself into her mother’s womb?? She said she was a miracle birth but like … idk later when angels lose their grace, they always stay in the vessel they had … so what happens when an angel loses their grace without a vessel?)

Anyway, she says:

ANNA I mean it. Every emotion, Dean, even the bad ones... It's why I fell. It's why... why I'd give anything not to have to go back. Anything.

DEAN Feelings are overrated, if you ask me.

ANNA Beats being an angel. … Perfect... Like a marble statue. Cold... no choice... only obedience.

Which brings up a prevalent theme that we see throughout Supernatural which is that being a human is the most desirable thing in this world. It also really solidifies the idea that heaven and angels are not things we want to trust or be (which was admittedly a jarring concept to my little religious 14-year-old self when I first watched this show lol). Supernatural often circles back to this idea, of glorifying the normal and mundane, the little moments that most of us take for granted, that these characters rarely get to experience. Whether it’s the peaceful life the boys never had, or the deep coursing emotions that angels miss out on, Supernatural likes to take moments to remind the viewers to be grateful for the lives we have.

On the topic of angels as “perfect marble statues” though … in this episode  we already learn that this isn’t true about Castiel. He feels something.

DEAN Where's your boss?

URIEL Castiel? Oh, he, uh... He's not here. See, he has this weakness. He likes you.

Uriel already considers Castiel too emotionally compromised to do the job properly. Then when they come at the end of the episode, and he sees Anna and Dean kissing, he is clearly feeling something.

I asked @piades​ what Cas was thinking when Dean and Anna kissed, because I didn’t really want to jump to the often drawn conclusion, and they responded

Which is honestly very similar to this post which talks about longing

And I think that’s accurate and these people are smarter than me so I’m gonna leave it at that ^_^

But, although Cas is clearly capable of some level of emotion Anna still says this to him

CASTIEL I'm sorry.

ANNA No. You're not. Not really. You don't know the feeling.

*thinks about the “you’re playing Sorry” scene in S7 and the “I know what it’s like to be sorry” scene in S9*

Cas has a lot of character development up ahead of him I’m telling you that.

Anna and Dean vs Ruby and Sam

I maintain that Cas is Ruby’s true parallel/foil, but we’ll talk about that in another episode. In this episode Dean connects with Anna and there is such a drastic difference between the way they interact and the way Sam and Ruby interact

Now, Obviously these are vastly different situations but I want to compare them.

We see Ruby talking to Sam trying to pressure him into drinking demon blood, and when he says no she lays on the guilt, not accepting no for an answer.

RUBY No, your abilities -- you're getting flabby… You know what you got to do.

SAM No, I'm not doing that anymore.

RUBY Sam...

SAM I said no.

RUBY Well, then you better pray that Anna gets her groove back, or we're all dead.

When Anna and Dean are talking, she brings up his time in Hell, and he makes it clear he won’t talk about it and she doesn’t ask him to talk about.

ANNA About a week ago, I heard the angels talking... About you... What you did in Hell. Dean, I know. It wasn't your fault. You should forgive yourself.

DEAN Anna, I don't w-want to, uh... I don't want to... I can't talk about that.

ANNA I know. But when you can, you have people that want to help. You are not alone. That's all I'm trying to say.

Now, like I said these are pretty different situations and I could maybe pull different conversations to compare, but what I’m trying to get at with these is that Ruby doesn’t respect Sam’s choices. She will push and push until Sam finally gives her what she wants, where Anna is willing to let Dean take things at his own pace.

(and these are things that you can see if you compare the two different sex scenes as well. I’m not gonna get into it but go watch them if you want, you’ll see what I mean).

((Stop violating Sam’s consent I swear, the neck stabbing threat is still good, I promise 🗡️🗡️))

Dean in Hell

Lastly, we have Dean finally admitting and explaining to Sam what his time in Hell was like. Jensen’s acting in this scene is superb.

But I don’t wanna talk emotions right now, I wanna talk about this

DEAN It was four months up here, but down there... I don't know. Time's different. It was more like 40 years.

The way this is phrased makes it sound like 1 month = 10 years in Hell, but I don’t know if that’s necessarily true. We know they kind of dropped this idea later on in the show, never really touching on it again, but the use of the number 40 is interesting to me, because that is a number used very often in the Bible (ie it rained for 40 days and forty nights after Noah built his ark, Christ fasted for 40 days and 40 nights, etc) and, at least I have always been taught, that the number 40 was not used literally in those cases, but rather as a symbolic number that basically just meant “a very long time.”

So Dean talks about his time in Hell as forty years, he says he held out for thirty years and then caved, but I feel like this is all more metaphorical than literal. I would imagine that in Hell time is a lot more like … Jeremy Bearimy in the Good Place. Not entirely explicable to the human perspective.

Honorable mention moments:

That point near the beginning of the episode when Dean goes to help Ruby and Sam stays to plead with Castiel – switching associations for a moment. Sam talking to the angels and Dean helping the demon.

During the fight scene when Dean saves Cas from Alastair <3

Ruby referencing Godzilla and Mothra – listen there is no way she knew what those were when she was in Hell, she has watched movies since leaving Hell, most likely with Sam while Dean was in Hell. AU where Ruby’s not a horrible person and Sam gets to introduce her to all the movies he loves and other things humans have invented since she died.

[mikeysbride]

Our Pride Is Not a Threat to You

I’m getting really tired of having to explain racism to folks who are plenty old enough to know better. Often, I don’t even try anymore. I just come here to vent, and a new blog post emerges from it. I guess today is one of those days.

I saw a post online that asked why it’s OK for every race except white people to be proud of their race. It has got to be the epitome of fragility and privilege to ask this and not understand how much it misses the entire point. There are so many levels to the lesson that needs to be taught here, and honestly, I don’t feel like I have the energy anymore, but there are a couple of things I definitely need to get out of my system before I spontaneously combust.

First of all, there would be no need for Black pride, Latin pride, or even gay pride to be blasted from the rooftops or paraded down city streets if society as a whole had not been built on systems put in place to benefit straight white people to the detriment of those who have darker skin and/or who are not heterosexual. Those with white skin have always held the cards in this country, from the day Christopher Columbus stole it from the natives already living on what is now American soil right up to the present day. That bigotry laid the foundation for us to have no choice but to voice how proud we are of being who we are precisely because the world (and the U.S. in particular) operates by telling us we shouldn’t be proud, that we don’t matter, and that we are somehow inferior to others who just happened to be born with lighter pigmented skin.

It’s all bullshit, so naturally, we call it out. And when we do, we get ignorant comments like the one that prompted this rant. Suddenly we are unpatriotic, as if that’s the worst thing someone can be; being racist is much worse, but that’s how much racism is ingrained into this country. It’s as if they think we should be thankful our ancestors were kidnapped from their native land and brought here against their will be used as slaves. We’re here now, though. If the U.S. is ever going to be truly united, it needs to function for everyone regardless of their race.

Historically, POC are the ones who’ve had to endure being judged and treated unfairly based solely on the color of our skin. Not white people. You don’t have to be vocal about being proud of being white because the entire world is already telling you that you’re valued and treating you like you matter. So no, you don’t need a White History Month; we study that ad nauseam, and the history that’s taught in our schools is decidedly slanted to focus on exactly that and not the history of POC. Our story started long before slavery and does not only include Dr. King and Rosa Parks. Further, you don’t need a Straight Pride Month because being straight is already viewed as the widely accepted norm. Every damn month is Straight Pride from a societal standpoint.

POC are not telling white folks that they shouldn’t be proud to be who they are, but also understand that all too often, pride in being white in this country turns into white supremacy. Horrific, unthinkable acts have been perpetrated against non-whites in the name of white pride. The difference between your pride and our pride is that we, as a group, are not saying you are inferior or should not exist because we happen to be proud of our own heritage. We’ve already acknowledged, for countless generations, that having white skin and being attracted to the opposite sex is a pretty good luck of the draw in this country. Bonus points if you’re white, straight, and male!

Instead of getting your feelings hurt and trying so hard to be viewed as oppressed, try stepping aside and listening to those who have actually BEEN oppressed just because of who they are or who they love. Try to see someone else’s perspective. Just as saying Black Lives Matter does not mean that other lives don’t, pride in who we are does not mean we hate you by default. I need some of you to seriously come out of your bubbles and understand that you do have privilege in the U.S. for having white skin. Whether you agree with that or not, it just is. That doesn’t mean your life hasn’t been hard. It just means it wasn’t made harder because of your skin color. Show some grace, and do some learning beyond the limited view that was taught to you in school or shown to you by the small circle of people you associate with who all look and think like you. It might just blow your mind.

[drewwwbydoobydoo]

If you're feeling up to it, why not just answer all of the 65 questions from the ask list?

Ok here goes haha

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Yeah for sure, but at this point I just figure I can’t do a whole lot about it so I’m just rolling with whatever is the truth (basically the same thing as us maybe being in a simulation, I don’t think the answer really matters)

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Like 4 or 5, I’m very scared of the dark tbh I get super paranoid sometimes

3. The person you would never want to meet? Mike Pence

4. What is your favorite word? Exuberance or effulgent

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? A maple tree

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? Bleh

7. What shirt are you wearing? A gray shirt from a hackathon I did last year

8. What do you label yourself as? A creative, a student, a future teacher, a lesbian, a human

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Talking to my dad about child psychology

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 18

12. Who told you they loved you last? My mom

13. Your worst enemy? The US government

14. What is your current desktop picture? A drawing that someone did of a mountain landscape

15. Do you like someone? Yeee my partner!

16. The last song you listened to? Rollercoaster by The Orion Experience

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? The dictator of the US

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? Same as #17

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Same as #17, and I would just try to fix as many things that he’s done as I could lol

20. What is your best physical attribute? I really like my eyes! They’re gray and I think that’s pretty cool

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? I feel like honestly I would look approximately the same, or like my brother lol though we already look pretty similar. I’d just continue existing, idk I don’t think I’d do anything differently cause gender is funky

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Yes! I can write in a whole bunch of different fonts by hand really easily (like I can switch between fonts without having to write slower or think too much about it)

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Ok so like I’m really afraid of small heights but not big heights. For some reason heights like doing a ropes course or trapeze absolutely terrify me but I’m totally fine like on a tall mountain or in a plane

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Maple tempeh with hummus, avocado, tomato and lettuce on wheat bread sounds 10/10 rn

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? I’d donate it to the Transgender Law Center

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Hmmmmm I wouldn’t go on a plane because we’re still in a pandemic but theoretically if this were a normal time I’d probably go somewhere in Canada

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? I don’t drink alcohol so I’m good!

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Freedom of speech (with the exception of hate speech)

29. What is your favorite expletive? Asshat, mainly cause I think it’s kinda funny

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? My laptop, I have too many photos and files that I don’t want to lose

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Getting blackmailed by my brother

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Canada here we come!

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? My cat, Clara. She was the absolute sweetest being that has ever graced this planet, and she was my only true friend for many years

34. What was your last dream about? The commune that I lived at last summer

35. Are you a good listener? I think so? I try to be, especially since I took some workshops in nonviolent communication and how to be a better listener and I think those were really helpful!

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? No but I probably should have been

37. Have you ever built a snowman? Yeah

38. What is the color of your socks? Light blue

39. What type of music do you like? Idk a lot of stuff I guess? Musical soundtracks, indie rock, pop-rock, etc.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!!!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Vanilla (boring, I know lol)

42. What football team do you support? Idk any sports teams :/

43. Do you have any scars? Yeah, many

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I mean like theoretically I would love to be a painter but realistically I’m gonna become an elementary school teacher

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Bruh how tf do I choose just one??? Uhhhhhh honestly I would get rid of my uterus I don’t want it and it just causes pain

46. Are you reliable? Yeah, very

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? Which career path do I end up on?

48. Do you hold grudges? Yeah, only about big things though

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? I’d breed cats and rabbits together to create: cabbits

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? One time me and one of my friends were laying on the floor of our dorm’s common room and we were talking about a bunch of fucked up stuff we’ve done (like not necessarily bad things, but just like those weird, “are you ok?” kind of things)

51. Are you a good liar? Yeah actually! I don’t know how, but I'm a really good liar if I genuinely want to lie about something. 

52. How long could you go without talking? A very long time. Singing would be a drastically different answer though

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? When I first cut my hair short when I was 16, it was just a very awkward length and I didn’t know what was happening

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? Yeah I actually baked one yesterday

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? I can kinda do a southern accent

56. What do you like on your toast? Vegan butter and roasted garlic mmmmm

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? Roman Sanders lol

58. What would be you dream car? I’ve always wanted a light blue convertible, like as long as I can remember I’ve had this very specific car in mind that I know I’d never actually buy but in theory would be very cool

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Sometimes I sing in the shower, also I used to sit down while showering lol

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yeah, I don’t have any specific theories but I think there’s probably some other intelligent life out there

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Not really

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? E

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dragons

64. What do you think about babies? Amazing, I was one once

This was fun! Kinda therapeutic tbh lol

[fourangers]

Some bad porn can turn out to be good (1/3)

Summary: “Why are you watching porn on broad daylight and…is this…is this a blond guy fucking a japanese man?” 

Who would have thought that porn watching could have such enlightening results. NaruSasu, blow job, anal sex, mutual pining without angst, Comedy, Romance, AU working in an advertisement agency. Some InoSaku.

AO3 link | ffnet link

--.--

Naruto was bored.

He already finished his very nutritional cup of ramen (it’s vegetable flavored, so it had all the necessary components for a complete meal right), played all the games he had in his smartphone and he still had more or less half an hour to kill. His friends were still busy with their work, the food court was completely empty and he wasn’t in the mood for a quick nap.

Wrinkling his nose, Naruto flipped his phone over and over, before letting it rest on the table, groaning. He was so bored. He already refreshed instagram like...thousand times and there wasn’t anything new. Same thing with facebook and twitter.

He took a long glance to the left, and then to the right. Moving to a table that was more or less placed at the corner of the room, he adjusted himself on his seat. Perhaps he could use this opportunity to relieve some tension caused by yesterday’s dream. After wasting long minutes browsing to fit exactly with his particular criteria, he widened his legs and clicked play.

⏤.⏤   

Sighing, Sasuke rubbed his eyes while he sent his e-mail. Finally, after struggling for hours he came up with a good slogan title, also wrote some short texts to be used on smaller pieces. He was famished and his take out meal was getting colder by the minute. Glancing at the clock, he went to the food court with bag in hand, glad that it was usually deserted in that hour.

He noticed in an instant the bright golden hair from afar and his steps veered in that direction, ready for a greeting. However, as he was approaching Naruto, he saw those blue eyes very focused on whatever thing was displayed on the smartphone, probably some video of some sort.

Usually in this case Sasuke would just give a quick acknowledgement, then he would eat in another table. While he was circling around to pat Naruto’s shoulder though, his eyes picked some suspicious rhythmical movement from the video. This dumbass couldn’t possibly...glaring, Sasuke grunted.

“Hey.”

“HOLY FU⏤” Naruto shrieked, jumping from his seat. He almost fell from his chair, turning around, gawking in disbelief. “What the fuck man, don’t scare me like that!”

Sasuke snorted, now that the smartphone dropped to the table, he could properly peruse the content inside it. “I can’t believe that you’re watching porn right now.”

“I-I⏤!” Naruto scrambled to pick his gadget, resisting the urge to flip the screen down. He raised his chin in defiance, grumbling. “I was bored.”

“You’re watching porn while on work.” There was no way he was mistaken what he was witnessing, with the top plunging the monstrous cock in the bottom’s round ass, and the well-rehearsed moans and grunts coming from those porn actors.

“Not at work!” Naruto defended himself, in earnest. “It’s my lunch time, and in this moment I can relax and take some time for myself.”

“You’re unbelievable.” Sasuke muttered, stomach making pleasant flips when he realized that Naruto was watching intercourse between two men . At last, all his queries concerning the blond’s sexuality were now answered. With some positive and unexpected addendums, as he perused the video closer. “Honestly, why are you watching porn on broad daylight and…is this…is this a blond guy fucking a japanese man?”

Sasuke was actually mildly impressed how Naruto managed to keep a poker face, despite blushing from head to toe. “Hey, it’s a free country you know. I can watch whatever the fuck I want.”

“...hn.” Interesting how that dumbass didn’t answer his question. Shifting, he placed one hand on the back of Naruto’s seat, whispering close to his ear. “I can’t believe that there are really people out there who would have watched porn on lunch time, this is a first for me.”

Naruto glowered back, raising his elbow to widen their gap as he stood up. “Yeah well, I have done nothing criminal, bastard. ‘Kay, lunchtime is over, gotta go.”

Sasuke huffed, cursing himself for this momentary lack of quick thinking to avoid such misunderstanding. Next time, instead of teasing Naruto, he should have offered himself to reenact that porn video.

⏤.⏤  

From the moment Naruto stepped in their ad agency, as corny as it might sound, Sasuke was smitten. Friendly, warm, an easygoing personality fitting with his wide grin and lively eyes.

His first impression towards other coworkers was vastly different though. Tall with a built physique, he had a undercut hair with earlobe expanders, leather bracelets, wearing a fitting black t-shirt that had a huge neon-orange skull drawing on it, complemented with a low cut shorts and a black belt adorned with small metal spikes. Everything about him screamed ‘Punk’, adding with fact that he had a gigantic japanese 9-tailed fox tattoo that started from his neck and covered his entire right arm, some piercings on his face and one barbell on the middle of his tongue (yes, Sasuke already pictured the tongue wrapping around his length). Naruto was quite an intimidating figure to say the least.

However, after just mere days working with him, people were quick to realize that his bright behavior really didn’t match to their preconceptions. He wasn’t one that shouted anarchy and burned books, but was rather the homey type that your mother would love to have him on Sunday lunches.

Once such knowledge sank in, a good number of suitors popped up from all spectrum of genders, much to Sasuke’s annoyance. There was a full-on investigation with some previous coworkers he used to work with, gossiping with friends and snooping around. There were many questions rather he was straight, or gay, maybe bi, all with inconclusive results.

Some rumors said that he was dating some woman who used to have a crush on him since forever, only to break up once he realized that he couldn’t really reciprocate her. Others said that he dated some childhood male friend for a very long time until it became lukewarm and they broke up in amicable terms. Whatever it was, he recently came out from a long relationship and wanted to take a break for now.

Sasuke could understand this, logically, comprehend even, and respected Naruto’s decision to cool down for a while. But as time kept passing by with soiled sheets, longing gazes, small crush turning into a Romance Angst 30 multi-chapter pining fanfiction, Sasuke concluded that, well, maybe it’s time to help Naruto moving on. Yes, turn a new page in his life, refresh, take a new path that it better have him included in this, hopefully as his new steady boyfriend in hand.

It’d be so much easier if Sasuke was only physically attracted to Naruto, not form any kind of attachment whatsoever. However, as he kept spending more time with this blond dumbass, he was getting increasingly enamoured with Naruto’s various facets. His genuine smiles even after he faced many adversities, his unyielding determination, his optimistic way of looking at life, everything.

And whenever he’d notice blue eyes clouded in contemplation, Sasuke really wanted to reach Naruto out and tell him that it’s ok to reveal the darkness in his heart.

Once Sasuke came to term with his feelings towards Naruto, it appeared he only had this simple task of asking him out, right. Well…the biggest problem was that Naruto was the densest idiot that had ever graced in his life. People could practically throw themselves on his lap and he’d wonder if they were having a heart attack or something. Sasuke himself had his own fair share of failed attempts of flirting with no significant results, that blond moron only thought that his teasing was out of friendly competition, nothing more.

Almost a whole fucking year have passed, frustration amounting in each day. For someone who was really talkative, Naruto kept his personal life pretty much in private. And even if he’s really expressive, Sasuke had a hard time reading if Naruto was into him.

In a last desperate resort, Sasuke tried to use their company’s annual party to get some answers, any answer. Whether Naruto was into guys, or he’s just a straight blond dumbass, or he had anyone he might fancy, hopefully Sasuke would gear this situation to more fruitful results.

Company parties brew all kinds of miracles and chaos, uncovering burrowed secrets, with many twists and turns that provided enough gossip material for a month. It loosens up any uptight person into the biggest diva in those party. It even revealed many facets of a person, as Sasuke could never forget how Sakura ended up making out with her supposed “best friend” Ino, occupying the bathroom for long, long hours, only to return both disheveled and flushed. (they began dating from that day onward) This was a good opportunity to get closer to Naruto while they both get drunk as skunk.

Unfortunately for him, Naruto, who was forever the 100% boy scout, promised the ladies to drive them safely to their respective homes, not drinking one drop of alcohol while everyone around him was getting smashed. Honestly, why couldn’t they ask for an uber or something; Sasuke wondered while he brooded between sips of sake.

At last, seeing Naruto watching gay porn, it seems that the gods had finally answered his prayers. Now that he cooled down, he needed to recalculate that Naruto might only be into Japanese guys, not him specifically. That doesn’t matter anyways. Naruto was attracted to men so all is fair game now. He just had to act faster before anyone else noticed about this too.

⏤.⏤

Slamming the door stall, Naruto sat on the toilet seat, messing with his hair.

Oh God, he’s so screwed, he’s so fucking doomed. He really shouldn’t have watched that porn video. There’s no way Sasuke wouldn’t grasp everything together and he’s really scared what would happen next.

Honestly, he wasn’t supposed to feel this attracted to Sasuke. Even though they work in the same sector, they were part of different teams, taking care of different clients and would only meet whenever everyone would go out to eat lunch or go to a bar after work, with some occasional short talk if they stumble on each other through the corridors.

In these pockets of interaction, Naruto was becoming increasingly fascinated towards Sasuke. Extremely smart, quick with sharp snarks and sarcastic humor, Sasuke might look unapproachable for most people, but he cast such alluring spell to Naruto. They could spend hours talking about any subject, from the existential questions to the most inane things happening in their lives. They had many points of view in common, also respecting their differing opinions even if they engaged in a healthy debate now and then.

And, well, like every art director, he was all into pleasant aesthetics and Sasuke was definitely included high in this list. Piercing dark eyes, smooth alabaster skin accentuating his high cheekbones, his face was perfect in all symmetrical proportions, body chiseled out like the finest Golden Ratio there is. (forgive Naruto for the momentary show of nerdism) He always stood out with his stylish clothes, posture lax but in a very cool way, with his hands in his pockets and chin slightly raised giving out a sophisticated aura.

It’s been a while since he was in the dating department, so admittedly Naruto wouldn’t know how exactly he’s supposed to approach him. Plus, he made up his mind that he shouldn’t try anyways, to benefit of them all.

The thing was…Naruto always thought that Sasuke was kind of out of his league, you know? He was way too attractive, too cultured with a high intellect that was too much for a regular dude like him. Shikamaru rolled his eyes, insisting that Naruto should at least test it out since the UST between those two were going off the roof but the blond man remained resolute.

…he heard stories. About how Sasuke never engaged in any serious relationship, settled only with casuals and one-night stands. So considering that Naruto was becoming more and more attached to him, he wasn’t sure that he’d be able to accept only getting physical aspect of this.

The solution then? Denial denial denial. Yeah, forget how much he enjoyed having Sasuke around, how it seemed that time stopped around them, and yet it would fly by in an instant. Forget about all the countless times he yearned to touch Sasuke’s face, feel the soft touch of his lips.

His sketchbook was getting filled with drawings of Sasuke and it’s really not his damn fault that this bastard was this photogenic, he also couldn’t explain the urge to be next to that brooding man, just so Sasuke would feel less lonely. But when he saw much to his utmost terror that he was now adding himself into these sketches, doodling him kissing Sasuke or some tender cuddling, Naruto realized that maybe he didn’t do a good job keeping his feelings at bay. His little crush was turning a little too intense to his own taste and he’s honest to God hoping he’s not becoming too creepy. Better burn those doodles to a crisp and draw harmless things like flowers or whatever.

But now, all his efforts he had done to suppress himself had evaporated with his slip. Most positive scenario was Sasuke not connecting the glaring points (very unlikely, since that damn bastard is a genius) and only teasing him from time to time. Worst scenario would be Sasuke actively pursuing him and Naruto wouldn’t know if he’d be able to resist him and then have his heart broken by the end of it all. He better get ready with whatever situation it might hold in the future.

Days had passed nevertheless and nothing happened. A week went through and there was no reaction coming from Sasuke. Naruto didn’t know if he needed to get more paranoid because if Sasuke was silent, he’s plotting. He witnessed first hand how shrewd that man could get, changing various clients’ mind to accept their envisioned marketing campaigns and he really wasn’t looking forward to be the next victim.

Interaction was inevitable considering they work in the same room, but they were plenty busy juggling with their tasks to properly chat on that week. This was enough to make Naruto relax for a bit, taking a quick break as he went outside for a snack.

“I don’t think he needs a bun. He’s fine with sausage by itself.”

“WHAT THE FU⏤” Naruto swiveled around once he heard the familiar baritone voice, as the street vendor winced from his loud scream. “Fuck man! Why do you have to creep on me from behind all the time?!”

“It’s really not my fault when you’re such a airheaded blond.” Sasuke muttered, while he asked for a cup of coffee.

When Naruto accepted his grilled sausage, he scowled. “Hey, and since when you can order food that was supposed to be mine?”

“I’m just speeding up the process so I can get my own coffee soon, and ordered based on previous assumptions that you like big thick sausages. Or am I wrong in such assessment?”

Sasuke didn’t miss how the bewildered face turned crimson red once Naruto caught the innuendo. Naruto grabbed his arm, hissing. “About that last time, I swear to God if you spread this around I⏤”

“I won’t tell anyone.” Sasuke answered monotonously.

Naruto loosened the tight grip around his arm. “Uh⏤really?”

“Yes. Don’t worry about it.” Sasuke turned around, sipping his coffee. On the corner of his vision, he saw Naruto’s shoulders sagging in relief, walking behind him as they went back to the office.

He made sure he memorized for later use when Naruto absentmindedly thrust the sausage in his mouth.

“Hm. At least I finally figured out how you’re able to swallow copious amount of food without gagging.”

Naruto coughed and choked in response. “God, you’re such a bastard.” He narrowed his eyes ready for a venomous glare but stopped at once when Sasuke curled an amused smirk. Geez, why did Sasuke had such an attractive smile, and whyyyy was his heart racing like a silly highschool girl? This is so fucking stupid.

While Naruto was having his internal battle, Sasuke was inwardly patting himself on the back for another mission accomplished. If this situation followed through smoothly according to his strategic plans, he’ll have passionate sex with Naruto by the end of this month, for sure.

--.--

AN:  This story was supposed to be a pure PWP but then I was like "wait, I need to give a good reason for those two to boink" and this monster of a fic happened. Lord help me. (but still, I'd really enjoy if you guys will leave a review)

Chapter 2

[0bfvscate]

Bright Movie

Screaming ‘We’re broken people now’ for every minor inconvenience is now an inside joke btwn me and my friends

Will Smith talks to his unnamed wife about the fairy at their bird feeder for a solid five minutes. I clocked it. Nothing happens in that entire scene. It’s just two people standing at their counter talking about the fairy in their bird feeder.

Will Smith goes outside and it is like the director is interrupting his own movie to tell me about how much he loves Boyz n the Hood

WHY ARE HIS NEIGHBORS HAVING A COOKOUT AT 7AM!?

Almost everyone in this movie is either a cop or a hilarious throwback to depictions of gang violence in 90′s tv and cinema

At one point a character actually turns to Will Smith and says “Yeah, they’re gangbanging up at Altamira like it’s 1999.”

It was at that moment that I paused the movie to google the director and discovered he directed Training Day (2001)

Not surprising to learn in the middle of a movie  so dated I could have used it to do the dude’s horoscope

"I wish you weren’t a cop. Everybody hates cops.” Hey David Ayer this is a movie about fairies not Training Day 2. How about you spend a little more dialogue explaining why Will Smith’s daughter needs to go to Grandma’s house, anyway?

Five minute exchange between Will Smith and Jakoby about how orcs can smell basically anything, from lies to sexual frustration. It was at this point that I wondered who was shipping the two leads.

Worldbuilding in this movie is nothing but exposition and news clips, but there is one scene where they go into ‘Elf Town’ and we learn that all elves are rich, because..............................

All orcs are discriminated against because they sided with the Dark Lord 2,000 years ago. “Wait a minute,’ I said to myself. “Does this take place in Middle Earth?”

The movie continues without answering this question, or explaining how the Dark Lord differs from Sauron in any way

In fact, there is no evidence within the film the Dark Lord isn’t Sauron, which really makes me want to see the gritty urban reboot of Hobbiton

While we’re talking about Hobbiton, where is the rest of Middle earth in relation to Modern Day LA? And how did magic influence colonial expansionism?

Everybody hates Jakoby to the point of violence and wants Will Smith to distance himself from him to prove he’s one of the Guys. Will Smith plays a very good Racist Who Doesn’t Think of Himself as Racist

Will Smith stops the car in front of a full-on beating, turns to Jakoby, and asks him what comes first; the Police Department, or other Orcs. This is terrifying and watching Jakoby stutteringly swear his loyalty to the cops makes it worse.

The movie basically acts like this scene never happens again after this point. Will Smith sort of redeems himself by the end of this movie, but not by apologizing or recognizing his mistakes.

David Ayer is at my door, knocking, asking me if I liked Dirty Harry.

One of the best scenes in this movie is watching the LAPD talk down a man covered head to toe in mud, swinging a sword, and screaming bout prophecies. I feel like this is the kernal of idea that the whole movie sprung from, and if the rest of the film started there and built on it, it would have been AMAZING.

Unfortunately, it turned into one of the weaker parts of the movie. This character does one more mysterious thing before he is revealed as just another stock character from a cop drama, this one being the position of a low-level urban disturbance. David Ayer shows his inexperience with real people like this by not ever explaining what’s actually wrong with him. The character is part of some secret magic club that everyone talks about as being sssuuUUUuuper important, but we literally never see them again.

A shoot out happens.

Tikka the Elf is introduced. She wears overalls, does backflips and doesn’t speak English. David Ayer breaks into my house, hits the pause button, and tells me much he loved Milla Jonovich in the Fifth Element

Tikka can only move by backflipping or being physically carried from place to place

The audience is introduced to the Magic Mcguffin that will carry the plot from here on out. It seemed a little silly, but the non-powered casts’ response to it feels very authentic. Their response is exactly why stories like this persist.

Unfortunately, this scene is also used to show why the Mcguffin is so difficult to wield, and the ensuing chase scene instantly stops making sense

One member of the antagonist raiding party grabs the Mcguffin in order to bring it back to his employer and not only disintegrates, but takes out three people in his cohort as it’s happening.

The Mcguffin can barely be transported safely

In Repo Man (1984), the Mcguffin is equally powerful and equally dangerous, and part of the plot is that absolutely nobody wants it. I feel like this would have been a better story to use at the foundation then Training Day or Escape from New York, which the writing team seemed to be drawing from

There’s also a convenient excuse to keep the cast within an accessible range to the plot, otherwise they would catch a plane to Argentina or something

There’s an effort to make elves seem scary, as if making them scary is a deconstruction in and of itself. It’s like the past seven Tolkien movies didn’t establish that Elves are killing machines who are against genocide by the grace of God

Orcs threaten to kill them even though the text of the movie says they should be honorbound to protect them

A prophecy gets brought up again and the soundtrack acts like that’s a big deal, even though we have no idea what the prophecy is and we’ve been following boring gangland violence for over an hour

Chicken Tikka is sick, dying and speaks English

It’s a good thing she is, because the plot was at a complete standstill

David Ayer is watching the Fifth Element on my computer next to me while I try to focus on his film

So we go back to the house with the underdeveloped anti-magic cult/gang and Noomi Rapace is playing Chicken Tikka’s abusive ex-girlfriend even though the script identifies her as her sister. I have to wonder where the decision to sex up this interaction was, and why they didn’t just have them be ex-lovers since that’s clearly what everybody on set wanted.

Will Smith reveals himself as the only person in this film who can use the Mcguffin

Ok

At the end of the movie Jakoby is super excited about being a part of a prophecy that I still don’t know. I’ll never know.

Super long, awkward comedy scene in a hospital that doesn’t advance the plot and doesn’t feel natural

Where was the editor

Was there an editor

Oh god finally we’re at the end of the movie and complaining about the events of the movie being edited for public consumption, but as they’re falling quiet and accepting the doldrums of everyday life, they see Tikka in the crowd and the end credit music starts

IDK why that was shot as some kind of touching and poignant scene. We’ve known for thirty minutes now that she survived.

Usually in movies like this, as the protagonist is settling back into their everyday life, we see a glimpse of the wonders behind the veil to offer hope and excitement for future adventures

But this is a world without a masquerade, so there is no veil, and we know that magic is still alive and well in this world

In conclusion, this movie is great to get drunk to and scream at with your friends

[imagine-loki]

Packless Monsters

TITLE: Packless Monsters CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 31/? AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine you’re a werewolf who ends up in the company of Loki in the Avenger’s tower after saving Pepper’s life RATING: M NOTES/WARNINGS: Also on AO3 click here

    The sun was up when you woke.

    Woke?

    The morning after the start of Winter’s Moon?

    You didn’t sleep the first night of Winter’s Moon. Not since you were a child. You curled in a ball and shook and cried and fought for control against the wolf all night. It was a hard, hard battle every year.

    You opened your eyes quickly, scared of what could have happened to change the routine, and found yourself curled around your Loki. Of course, that’s what had changed. And it was just like so many mornings that you woke up with him because you were an incorrigible cuddler…except for the distinct lack of clothing all around. You flushed as the events of the previous night finally came back to you. “Stop that,” Loki scolded lightly, bopping your nose with a long finger. “No need for embarrassment or shame. We had an enjoyable evening, one that I would gladly repeat, and I am quite glad I got to share it with you, my darling.” You relaxed at his open honest, his straightforwardness was reassuing.

    You kissed him lightly. “I love you,” you told him softly and laid your head on his chest for another minute until you realized that you really did need to get up. “As much as I love cuddles, I need a shower.” You licked his nose as you climbed over him to get out of the bed.

    “Annoying puppy,” he grumbled, rubbing the wet spot on his nose indignantly. You were laughing as you slowly, sorely made your way to find your nice hot shower. He chuckled, knowing exactly why you were sore. You turned around and stuck your tongue out at him.

    “Annoying god,” you grumbled right back at him. He laughed harder.

    *

    The hot shower helped and you carefully dressed in a pair of flannel pajama pants and a soft black shirt that had originally been Loki’s. A messy bun and fuzzy socks and you were comfortable to lounge around the tower for a lazy Sunday. Your clothing choice and disheveled hair were also carefully calculated to tell your boyfriend that you were very much not interested in partaking in more of last night’s activity. At least not right now. Loki was smart enough to get the message and wouldn’t press or pry. The hot shower hadn’t removed the smell of Loki from your skin. That wasn’t going away anytime soon. Jareth had been able to smell that you hadn’t had sex with Loki yet. Well, he’d be able to tell now that you had, any wolf would…

    Loki was waiting in the hall for you, leaning against the wall next to your bedroom door, his nose buried in a book as per usual. You smiled at how adorable he was. You also noted that he was freshly showered as well, wearing black lounge pants and a green shirt. He had his hair tied back, except for the lovelock which hung loose. He was dressed just as comfortably and casually as you were. He looked over at you and smiled warmly, snapping his book shut and vanishing it as he did. You stood up on your toes to give him a light kiss.

    “So, what are we up to today, little wolf?” he asked, though he looked you over as if sensing the difference in you, but not quite being able to put his finger on what it was. You couldn’t help him figure it out either.

    “A nice lazy Sunday,” you replied with a smile. “I was thinking Harry Potter movie marathon,” you took his hand and started toward the elevator.

    “Books, Harry Potter, tea, and my darling’s company? Sounds like a wonderful Sunday indeed,” he said warmly. He then looked down at your joined hands, concerned, then touched your forehead. “Are you alright? You’re…cold,”

    You laughed. “Compared to you? I’m not cold,” you teased him. His hand was still cold compared to yours.

    He frowned, obviously wanting a direct answer. “Very well, you’re less warm than usual,” he conceded.

    “I’m fine,” you finally told him. His frown deepened. You sighed heavily, damn human-shaped lie detector. “Fine. I can’t tell you. Is that better?”

    “No, but I respect that answer better than you trying to sneak a lie past me,” he replied, his tone teasing. You huffed and stuck your tongue out at him.

    “Annoying god,” you grumbled at him, but laughed.

    You stiffened when you walked into the dining room to find the team eating breakfast. You didn’t want them to comment on last night. “Not one word, Stark,” you heard Nat threaten when she caught sight of you and Loki getting off the elevator.

    “Shellhead, if you say anything to upset my lady, I will not stop her from throwing you out of the window,” Loki warned, though his tone was pleasant, daring so he could watch Tony get defenestrated.

    “Sorry, Lo. If he does anything stupid, you’ll have to throw him yourself,” you replied, then immediately bit back a curse at the sudden pain behind your eyes. Your hand went to your head and you pulled the bottle of ibuprofen from your pocket. You’d had a feeling that you would have to answer questions today. “Seriously, that was enough to trigger the geas?” you growled as you threw back some of the pills, desperate for the sudden headache to go away. Loki gave you a concerned look and took a step closer, wanting to help, but not knowing how. You shook your head. You’d be ok.

    He turned his attention back to Tony. “Very well, I will throw you myself. It would be my absolute pleasure,” Loki added that last part with a mischievous grin over at you. You gave him a small smile in return and took your place at the table, pulling a couple of pancakes off the stack for yourself.

    Tony thought it over. You were a little Omega wolf and could be reasoned with as long as the wolf wasn’t in control. Loki couldn’t be reasoned with or distracted if he was upset. Tony was actually lucky he was getting a warning at all. Tony opened his mouth anyway. “So, what’s it like to be with a god? Is it true what the say about the endowment?” He asked, holding his hands like a foot apart, clearly asking about the size of certain piece of Loki’s anatomy. Like you’d tell him.

    Loki had a malicious malevolent glare on his face for an instant before it turned to a mischievous glint. “Brother…” Thor warned, catching the exact mood of Loki’s. Whatever he was up to, there was worse than the normal defenestration in store for Tony. Tony realized it too late.

    Loki ignored Thor and glided over to Tony with a predator’s grace. He was suddenly standing over Tony, who was leaning back in his chair, unsure of what Loki was up to. Loki moved, his face an inch from Tony’s. “If you would really like to know…” Loki purred in a seductive tone as he ran one finger down Tony’s cheek and jaw. “I am sure I could be convinced to give you a demonstration.” Tony blanched as this joke went in the exact opposite direction of where he had wanted it to. He didn’t know how to deal with it either.

    “I-I think I’d rather just throw myself out the window,” Tony pushed his chair back away from Loki, somehow blanched and flushed at the same time. This joke was really not going his way.

    “You were so eager a moment ago,” Loki moved forward again, seductive, maliciously teasing, and predatory, angry glint in his eyes.

    “Lo, just throw him out the window and be done with it. You’ve made your point and tortured the tin man enough,” you told Loki, laughing at the display. You weren’t threatened by Loki’s actions, he was playing, however maliciously. Tony wouldn’t make any stupid comments about this topic again in front of Loki.

    “As you wish, darling,” Loki was instantly back to normal. He lifted Tony from his chair easily and walked straight for the defenestration window. Instead of throwing Tony out, holding him by the throat and throwing him from that angle, he shifted Tony and threw him headfirst out the window like a javelin.

    “Impressive throw,” Nat commented.

    “That may be a new record,” Bruce added as he made the tallymark on the dry erase board next to the window.

    Loki nodded, accepting their praise and kissed the top of your head on his way to his chair next to yours. You’d gotten him a stack of pancakes while he was torturing Tony. He looked at your plate. “Love, that’s not enough, you eat like us,” Loki prodded you.

    “It’s plenty,” you replied carefully. Loki looked unhappy, but didn’t argue anymore. Tony rejoined you a few minutes later, stripping off the Ironman suit as he returned to the table.

    “I do have an actual question,” Cap started, hesitantly, directing the question to you.

    You nodded. “I’ll answer it if I can,”

    “Should we be expecting a repeat of last night?” Cap finally figured out how he wanted to word his question.

    It was a legitimate concern. You shook your head. “Not until next year,” you told him firmly. “I swear. I would have figured out how to warn you better, but I wasn’t sure you’d be affected. You’re not werewolves,” you added apologetically. You hadn’t meant to affect them all like that.

    “That’s a relief at least,” Nat commented. “I thought I was going to have to kick all of their asses last night. Which would have been fun, but they get so whiny when I hurt them,” she pouted and you laughed. The team promised that it was ok and they weren’t mad. There would just be precautions taken next year.

    *

    “C’mon, Sunday sparring,” Cap told everyone when breakfast was over. You all groaned.

    “Cap, I can’t-” you started.

    “Can’t shift?” he asked before you could finish the sentence and potentially trigger another stupid migraine. You nodded. That wasn’t all of it, but you couldn’t clarify. “That’s fine. Hand-to-hand today. C’mon,” he ordered.

    Groaning and grumbling, everyone headed down to the training room. Tony had had locker rooms built down here, so you had somewhere to change and leave your gross workout clothes after the training, which somehow were cleaned again before Cap called the next sparring day or training event. You were hesitant for this, but couldn’t argue, so you changed and made your way nervously to the training room.

    “Nat, Y/N, you’re up first,” Cap ordered.

    “Cap-” you started, but he didn’t seem to notice. So you stepped onto the mats. This was a terrible idea. You couldn’t tell them either. Stupid werewolf laws. You bowed to Nat, too many years of training ingrained in you to do otherwise, and settled into a stance. She settled into her own stance. She was on you in a flurry of movement and speed the second Cap called the match. It was speed you couldn’t hope to match today. You still had hard earned skill, though your punches lacked strength and your body just wouldn’t move like it was supposed to.

    Cap watched, observed, critiqued. After a short respite where Tony and Clint tried to take down Thor, you were called up again with daggers to spar Loki. This was a stupid idea, but Loki had been watching too. He knew something was wrong. He moved much slower than usual, letting you actually keep up with him, until Cap kept barking at you both that you were much faster than this and to move. You usually were much faster than this and much stronger than this. You couldn’t keep up, though you tried, you really, really tried.

    You fell hard on your ass to avoid getting sliced open by a dagger.

    “Yield!” you called desperately. You couldn’t keep trying to do this. You were going to get hurt.

    “What’s wrong with you today?” Cap asked. You glared at him for pressing the issue. You had just wanted to curl up with your Loki and watch Harry Potter. Was that too much to ask?

    “Fuck it, it’s worth the migraine for the rest of the day to have you all stop trying to figure out what’s going on and just torturing us all about it,” you grumbled as you got to your feet. You bit back the pain as the geas knew you were planning on breaking it. “I’m human. Until the next full moon,” you spat the words out. “That is Winter’s Moon. All of the female wolves are human and mortal, with none of the strength, speed, healing ability, or shifting ability of the wolf,” you told them all quickly, your hands going to your temples, as you fought back the black spots and whimpers of pain. Loki was there in an instant, his cold hands on your temples, magic soothing some of the pain, but only some. There was only so much even he could do.

    “That is why female wolves are not usually seen out in the world?” Cap asked, noting words you’d told them months ago. You nodded.

    “Biologically that’s impossible,” Tony protested.

    “It’s magic tincan, it doesn’t have to be possible,” you growled, pain making your temper sharp. “Biologically, I’m a werewolf of course, but for all intents and purposes, I’m human. The old stories say that our Lady, the moon, turns her back on her daughters for their sin of lust during Winter’s Heat, aka last night. I’m pretty sure it was old Catholic men who wrote those particular tales. The point remains, this is why I told you I can’t go on any missions for the next two weeks. It’s dangerous enough just to be out in public. I still smell like a werewolf to other wolves, I still am a werewolf, except without any of my abilities.” You whimpered, placing your forehead against Loki’s cool chest as the pain started radiating from your head down your neck, black splotches would have been overtaking your vision had you dared open your eyes. You had to stop talking before this got worse, but there was one more thing that had to be said.

    “The male wolves aren’t affected.”

[nerdylittleshit]

Thoughts about Spn 13x21

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Welcome to this week’s episode of ALL THE FEELS. Featuring the hit singles “I Just Wanna Make Love To You”, “Another One Bites The Dust” and “Father & Son”.

This might as well be Beren’s last episode (if they hopefully pick up “Wayward Sisters”), so he made sure he delivered. And boy, he did! I wasn’t quite sure in which direction the episode would go, but I wasn’t expecting THAT. This episode moved the characters where they needed to be for the big finale, both locally as emotional. As I expect the last two episodes to be rather plot heavy, this episode focused more on the character themselves, their current state of minds, as well as the questions about their future.

But as always, let’s have a closer look!

Home Alone

We start the episode with Sam’s dream of his family reunited in the bunker, eating pizza. The scene reminded me of the end of 10x18 and 12x02; both times the family reunion foretold a tragic event (Charlie’s death and Mary choosing to leave her sons). And even though the scene is not real, in the end the one who dreamt it is taken away.

Of course the dream tells us also something about how Sam sees his family. Everyone scolds Dean for his eating habits, but I really think this is more Sam’s view than anyone else’s. Because as Dean said, 7 slices of pizza is not even an entire pie, and he is a grown man. I mean I eat an entire pizza if I want to, so. And then of course there is Cas nagging, but later giving Dean another slice anyway (which interesting enough happens after Sam left the room), which is their usual old married couple behaviour, but this is still how Sam sees them. It is also possible that this little moment actually happened, and Sam integrated the memory into his dream. We also get another mention of John, whose absence in their family dinner is made textual.

In the real world Rowena and Gabriel have both agreed to help Sam & Dean to get their family back, preparing the spell to open the rift. Once again after 13x13 Grace is associated with sex; Gabriel demands some time alone to extract his grace (to Dean’s horror in his room), but then his juice is not strong enough to get it up. The rift of course. To be honest I could have done without all the sexual innuendo, but at least it wasn’t as cringeworthy as when Bucklemming do it.

I was also not even a little bit surprised that Rowena and Gabriel hooked up, I called it. And really they are perfect for each other. They have both been characters who in the past only did what was good in their own interest, who faked their deaths, both also killed by Lucifer, and who are now at a turning point in their lives. Isn’t it interesting that they only met because they both agreed to help the Winchesters, because they have both changed?

Lucifer is then literary haunted by his past, as the two people he killed come back to get him. And by now there is really an incredible long list of characters who want to see him dead, so I hope it is a group effort that kills him in the end.

Rowena is the one left in charge to babysit Lucifer (after Sam made sure she is ok with that, bless his heart) and this is the part where the plot demands certain characters to act a certain way, despite all logic not do so. Because they have carefully avoided to mention that they know where Jack is and of course Rowena could have simply use a spell to silence Lucifer. But as I said the plot demanded that Lucifer would learn about the whereabouts of his son and break free to get him, so here we are.

And then of course we have Rowena who shows that she really changed after all. Because the old Rowena would have gone, wouldn’t have made it her problem that Sam & Dean are trapped in another world. But in a strange twist of destiny they have become the only allies she has left, and just as she couldn’t kill Sam she now can’t leave them behind.

Strangers In A Strange Land

The gang lands in the apocalypse world, and it is clear that only Dean has mastered the superhero landing. Gabriel though lands in Cas’s lap and then we get a reaction shot from Dean. Twice. I wonder why that is, but I guess we will never know.

We also learn that angels have a built-in-GPS (convenient) and then we see a short conversation between Cas and Gabriel, where Gabriel learns about heaven’s current situation and Cas suggests that he could help. This could already foretell what role Gabriel could be given next season, if he survives this season, that is. Part of me thinks however that would be too easy, and that the angels might instead turn to AU!Michael for help, as there is still a big chance neither Gabriel or Lucifer will survive this season (Gabriel as part of his redemption arc, Lucifer because he sucks).

I have written in another episode review before that I really like the exploration of the apocalypse world; back in season 5 the concept of the apocalypse was rather abstract, now we see how the world would have evolved from that. We learn that the monsters there, namely the vampires, turn back to an almost animalistic form, caused by starvation (that first vampire did remind me of Nosferatu to be honest). Back in 12x23 we saw a demon in the apocalypse world, full with horns, and now I wonder if it looked like that as a consequence of the apocalypse as well.

The two strangers our team met seemingly didn’t react to the fact that Cas and Gabriel are angels (which ultimately became clear when Cas couldn’t pass the angel warding). They were either too afraid to ask or it does imply that even in the apocalypse world are still some angels left who help humanity.

Then of course the big event that shaped the entire episode and probably the outcome of the season happens: Sam dies. This of course is a reminder of 11x17, the other episode where Sam randomly died (I love how this sentence makes only sense in our fandom). Both episodes are reminders that Sam and Dean can die on any hunt. Yes they are experienced and perhaps better hunters than most, but the risk is always there. 11x17 featured werewolves, now we have vampires, both monsters they faced before, and Sam even says that they faced worse than a nest of vampires. And by now we as the audience, and the Winchesters themselves expect to go out with a big bang.

The difference we see then compared to 11x17 is Dean’s reaction. Back then Dean killed himself in order to bargain with Death to bring Sam back (only to learn that Sam was still alive). This time however he doesn’t. It is Cas who follows Sam and who then tells Dean that Sam is gone and that there is nothing left for them to do. And Dean, heartbroken, trusts Cas on this. Which is huge. But he also knows that Cas would have done anything he could to save Sam.

And it is not just Dean and Cas who have to face Sam’s death, but Mary and Jack as well. Mary who just said last episode that she can’t lose another boy. And Jack who is facing his first real loss (he never had a chance to get to know his mother).

Of course as an audience we already know that Sam would come back somehow, so the question is why kill him in the first place? For one thing to tie him to Lucifer, because this season everyone has to face their abusers and their worst nightmares. Lucifer bringing back Sam from the dead is a dark mirror to Cas bringing back Dean from hell. Sam is just a means to an end for Lucifer to get to his son (though I admit I was worried for a minute that Lucifer wanted Sam to say “yes”). But it means more to Sam, because now he owns his life to his abuser. And just as Rowena he realizes that he can never truly escape Lucifer.

Dean had to experience the death of his brother again, after he admitted last episode that he doesn’t care about his own life as long as Sam is ok. Sam’s death and the return of Lucifer are two of his worst nightmares coming through. By now he is willing to do whatever it takes to kill Lucifer. Even giving his own life… in the hands of someone who had the power to kill Lucifer.

We end with the reunion of Lucifer and Jack, with the big question of how Jack will react to his biological father. We know that in the past he had seemed afraid of Lucifer, had feared his own potential to go dark side. He sees Sam, Dean, Cas and Mary as his family and it is possible his mother has told him about the abuse she had to suffer from Lucifer. And yet I don’t think Jack would kill his father, unless he threatens his chosen family. Jack is too kind, too innocent, someone who wants to believe in the good of everyone, perhaps even his father. I’m really curious how this relationship will develop.

The other two characters they will likely again are Lucifer and AU!Michael. Lucifer already told Sam that they need his help to beat this Michael. So will they make a deal with the devil to kill Michael? Or will they make a deal with Michael to kill Lucifer?  

Only two episodes left and I’m pretty sure Sam’s dream will remain only this, a dream.

[deputychairman]

Star Wars rec list!

If, like me, you are a person who throws the word “proactive” around in job applications but then is too idle to even navigate to AO3 and find fanfic for yourself but will click a link if someone puts it right in front of me, I bring you a Star Wars reclist. Because it’s been MONTHS since I saw a Star Wars reclist and my work won’t just avoid itself you know.

The personal

The opposite of hate by Gloss/@spaceoperafeerie (Stormpilot, 15k, mature) Really, if you love yourself, you should read everything by Gloss but that’s not how a reclist works so start with this Finn character study where Poe Dameron doesn’t die on Jakku but he doesn’t make it back to the Resistance either, and the weight that Finn carries with him over it. It’s tagged ‘angst with a happy ending’ so I don’t think it’s a spoiler if I tell you there’s a happy ending?

If it was never new and it never gets old by @aimmyarrowshigh (the only fic that isn’t stormpilot on this list, mature, 8k)  Pre canon AU where Rey was a baby Jedi who survived Kylo Ren and Poe’s the one who has to leave her on Jakku it's ok I didn’t need my heart anyway.

First comes the night by @coffeeinallcaps (Stormpilot, 20k, explicit) a serious, thoughtful take on how Poe copes (and doesn’t) with PTSD and what his friends do to help. For example, they say things like this about his crush on Finn “I think he could punch you in the nose and you would just thank him for gracing your face with his fist. Maybe it would even turn you on. Would it turn you on? I think it would turn you on”, and Finn himself is very real and present and a complicated example how to withstand the First Order in a way that might make a person who feels he failed at withstanding them feel like he isn’t measuring up. 

The political

Gravity by Galacticproportions (Stormpilot, 21k, mature) My AO3 bookmark reads “Space communism, how to change the galaxy from the roots, other lives and falling in love with someone you've been in love with since the day you met them. WONDERFUL” and I never question my own bookmarks. If you ever wondered how you make the means of production fair in a galaxy that keeps throwing up fascist dictators or how Finn and Poe can have a relationship of equals and hot sex given their vastly different life experiences and situations, while also being busy overthrowing tyranny, THIS FIC HAS THE ANSWERS.

While all art is political, there are fewer explicitly political fics out there than I remember and they are my favourite niche genre so here, have my post-war Brexit & sex story A city built on water because it’s my reclist and I can rec myself if I want to. 

The pornographic

Got you (like I want you) by synergic (Stormpilot, 2k, explicit) Listen I get lost in the semantics of what topping from the bottom means so maybe this is that? What it *definitely* is, is super hot porn with feelings.  

we've got you, sweetheart (you like it like this) by @notcaycepollard (Finn/Poe/Rey, 2k, explicit) Poe, Finn & Rey love each other and even though they’ve experienced trauma they all love it when Rey consensually pulls Poe’s hair in bed.

No trophies just reminders by @cicaklah (Stormpilot, 2k, explicit) the ‘coping with trauma through sex’ trope can lead us to intriguing fucked-up places, OR to hot, loud and life-affirming banging between people just about to realise they love each other. This is a stellar example of the second and I really loved the image of the Resistance it sketches out.

So I say shine by Gloss (Stormpilot, 3k, explicit as they come) every fandom needs a fic where fisting is a perfect expression of love, and here it is

Ok ok ok just *one* more from Gloss because she wrote it for me – Close like bosoms, bosoms stay close (Stormpilot, explicit, 3k) when I asked "Please step up the challenge of writing Poe & Finn’s loud sex and how the rest of the base complain about it? They are SO enthusiastic and SO into each other they just can’t keep quiet, nope, sorry, tried it, can’t do it, whatcha gonna do? Poe’s a commander round here, if you want him and his boyfriend to keep their deeply-in-love, life-affirming sex quiet, you’re gonna have to talk to his superior officer and idk very much about military hierarchy but BASICALLY you’d have to ask General Organa to have a word and - no. She loves those boys like they were her own sons and she doesn’t live next door, so. Unlikely."

The plot

Home out in the wind by @bomberqueen17 (Stormpilot/Jedistormpilot, explicit, 350k) AKA the mothership of really exciting galactic intrigue plot and really hot life-affirming sex. That’s a theme to this reclist actually. 

[pathofsacredshe-blog]

Why I’m into Sacred Womanhood (and what that means)

Dear sister, 

I wasn’t always rubbing rose oil on my womb, crocheting yoni’s and meditating on the Divine Feminine. In fact, when I first became a woman I hated it. The path of what I label as Sacred Womanhood (i.e. Path of Sacred She) is a path that evolved over many years and for many different reasons. Today, I will share my journey of hating having a female body, finding my way through different feminist expressions, thinking I was a lesbian, then realizing I was not, to finally coming home to my inner Sacred She sanctuary.  

Photo courtesy Immortal Sol

I remember being 11 years old sitting huddled up in bed with my two best friends. We were whispering confidences to each other. We began talking about a new and strange and scary territory: periods. None of us had gotten it yet and we wondered what it would be like. I felt compelled to share my then most shameful secret. Hair had started growing in places where only adults had hair! I really, really hated this. My friends reassured me it was ok, and that it probably meant I would be getting my period soon. 

As my body became plumper and curvier I looked with envy on my flat, straight 6 year old sister. She was as happy and carefree as ever, not concerned with the horrors of womanhood lurking to catch hold of her one day. I did not want to go through this metamorphosis from girl to woman. The very word “woman”, which in my native language Swedish is kvinna, made me think of cows. Someone who is raised for milk and meat. 

Becoming a woman was a painful process and I think I spent at least 10 years of my life just trying to figure out how to exist and be happy in a woman’s body. 

Photo courtesy Cecilia Kreuzberger

My first watering hole came in the form of feminism when I was 14. Two female volunteers from Save the Children came to our school to start a girl’s group. The concept was called an Ellen Group. Only 7 girls signed up, and I was one of them. Besides having a space to just talk about the things that then concerned us - boys, looks, what we wanted to be when growing up - the two volunteers also encouraged us to think positively about our bodies and our yonis. I remember being in shock after learning the word ‘lubrication’. In sexual education we had learnt about erection, but no one had told us that something happened at all with us girls when we got aroused. That we could get aroused. That just as boys needed to have an erection in order for that thing called sex to work, so we needed to experience lubrication. I wanted to shout about it from the roof tops.  

I will be grateful to those volunteers and to the creator of the Ellen program as long as I live. 

This was my introduction to feminism. Over the next few years - my late teens - I became what might be called an “angry feminist”. I was angry at patriarchy, I was angry at the men on the subway who pinched my butt, I was angry at the prospects of a mediocre salary for excellent work, I was angry at my boyfriend because sex was so uncomfortable. The central question for me during these years, and many years to come, was: 

How can being a woman, being myself and being happy all coexist? 

Sister, that’s a tricky one. What is your central question when it comes to yourself and womanhood? How do you answer it for yourself? 

I thought I had found the answer one day at Burger King. I was 16 and with a group of kids much cooler than me. They were a year older and were the friend of my friend. The topic of being gay came up. One girl raised her voice: 

“You’re not allowed to say anything against gay people, because I’m bisexual.” 

I thought this was very impressive, her courage and her openness. I thought: maybe this is the answer. Maybe skip men altogether! After all, what did I really need men for? Having children seemed like a very distant thing, and anyway, there are sperm banks these days. My limited sexual experiences taught me that boys were clumsy at best, aggressive at worst. I decided to explore this area for myself, and almost overnight, I became a lesbian. I started building my feminist, men-free dream community. 

Me age 18, trying to figure myself out. Photo courtesy Cecilia Kreuzberger. 

Being part of this community was joyful. I learnt alternative, and invaluable, ways to express womanhood. I experienced how deeply and genuinely supportive women can be to one another when there are no men to compete over. The foundation for my future work with sisterhood was laid here. 

At this point of my journey, I had come pretty far. I sort of liked my body. I had built a nice community of women. But there was something missing. It was like when you set a beautiful table, arranging napkins, bringing out the silver and special crystal cups, only to remember that you forgot to make any food. 

What was the missing piece? 

It was like trying to remember a song my mother sang when I was in her womb.  

I was living transformation only on the surface. I had adopted feminist ideals, I surrounded myself with women. I was living “outside patriarchy”. Yet there was no place for my soul to live its mystery. There was no place for my body to be a soul manifest. 

Photo courtesy Alessandra Lopes

My longing was answered by an ad in a newspaper. On a sunny afternoon I sat on my balcony flipping through a free magazine I had picked up at my local crystal shop. It was filled with ads for juice cleanses and horoscope readings. I read it half-interestedly. Then, my eye was caught by an ad for a school called the Sofia Institute, and a program called the Path of the Priestess (this was later renamed to School of Graceful Living and the Female Leadership Program). I will never forget the sensation in my chest. I was like my soul reached out a hand through my very bones, grabbed the newspaper and exclaimed: I want this!!! 

During my time at School of Graceful Living is when I first came into contact with the concept of Sacred Womanhood. It was also the first time I ever felt truly at home with strangers. I realized that this was the community in which I belonged. Around the same time, I met the man who would become my husband and my world, views and community changed once more.

Immersing myself in Sacred Womanhood was food for my soul. I realized this is where my true calling is. I will make a humble attempt here to define what Sacred Womanhood can be and why it’s important. My definition is the result of me internalizing the beautiful teachings I received at School of Graceful Living and then spending the last few years offering the work of Sacred Womanhood to the world. 

Joiners for the Women’s Temple. Photo courtesy Ka’imi Nicholson

Sacred Womanhood is when the mysterious creative, life-giving force of women is honored as sacred. When your period is more than just blood. When you dance your life with the moon and earth rhythms. When you find a way to feel your flesh as sacred, seeing yourself as a goddess made manifest. When you know in your heart how sisterhood heals the world. When you listen to the subtle songs of this vast universe, and you listen for the voice of the Great She. 

You may call this path what you like. I name it Path of Sacred She. 

Mizu Hirmoi being initiated as a Sacred She Yoga Teacher. Photo courtesy Amy Jolley.