#what can I say I’m a sucker for stories about the road to recovery

[toothlesshat]

Look look as much as I agree future Leo and present Leo would get on each other’s nerves and probably fight a lot, I also just want them to get along idk asksdhjfkfk like I think F!Leo would be very resentful to the person he once was but if he’s really forced to be around P!Leo for a long time, I think he’d begin to see that he’s put way too much blame on himself for a mistake he made as a teenager only a few months into leadership, and also that his constant self loathing could inevitably take a toll on P!Leo who is, yk, HIM. So anyway they go out to do all the stuff F!Leo never got to experience again in the apocalypse and get to metaphorically and literally heal his inner child.

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Love Cuts Deep

Chapter 14- New World Order

Summary: With the world back to it’s usual business, and the Avenger’s base on a long road to recovery. You and Bucky begin a new chapter in Brooklyn, New York City.

Warning: just fluff really, and some spicy talk maybe a little suggestive themes if you will

Masterlist

It’s been about three months since the events leading up to the dusting of Thanos’ whole army and the death of that giant purple bastard. Ninety-one days since Tony Starks funeral, and 2184 hours since your entire world changed for the better.

Although you’d be a sore liar if you said you didn’t miss your old life with everyone at the Avengers Facility. Even with such a dramatic new change to your life now, you miss Natasha, you miss your late night talks with Steve, and maybe you even miss that little shithead raccoon. But there has been an emerging inner peace with what you gained that just about outweighs your heavy losses.

Someone who’s brought you unconditional love and understanding in your blooming state, someone who’s helped to draw your grief and anguish out of your vessel and transform it into something golden and pure. Your sweet Bucky. If someone last year was to claim at this time you’d be living in an apartment in New York with the love of your life. Well, you’d probably have swiftly made them regret it.

But now, things are better, not one hundred percent fantastic and awesome. But so much better then yourself an entire year ago could ever have even imagined. And that’s good enough for you.

Staring intently down at your little houseplant, you gently spray it with a spray bottle before standing back to admire your caretaking skills. Not too bad. Not too bad at all. Face shifting to that of a stern army general, you get down real close to the leaves so that your face is mere inches from the soaked plant, “I hope you drink this up okay? Bucky thinks I’m gonna kill you and I’m not losing that bet to him. No sir, so don’t you die on me.” The tiny fern keeps silent for obvious reasons at your little pep talk, it’s green leaves protruding beautifully outward as you set the spray bottle onto the countertop.

“He’s gonna owe me fifty dollars if you last till October, and I don’t even care about the money. I just want bragging rights.” You whisper before standing up and wandering over to the living room window.

The city lights are glowing vibrantly in the nights atmosphere, cars and people alike traveling down below your apartment building, oblivious to the whereabouts of two Avengers a couple stories above their very heads. Two ex-assissins. Both products of Hydra. Damn you’ve got a loaded history.

“Y/N! Are you coming!” There’s a long pause of silence from your bedroom that causes you to open your mouth to answer, but before you’re able to say anything in reply, Bucky yells out, “Also I can’t find my white t-shirt, do you know where it is?! Actually never mind I’m going shirtless!”

You let out a humored snort before swiftly turning on your heel and walking down the hallway until you finally reach your bedroom door, “You know we have neighbors right?”

Bucky sends you a shy smile as he disappears into the bathroom for something, “I’m sure this place has thick walls.” He says while flipping up the ceramic toilet seat.

“Uh huh.” You mutter unconvinced, deciding to search his drawers for a spare sleeping shirt.

Noticing your snooping, Bucky finishes up before flushing the toilet and wandering out the door until he’s practically leaning against your shoulder, “Don’t you have clothes?” Questions Bucky with a small chuckle as you throw him a look.

“I need ones to sleep in.” You casually protest as he slowly nods, clearly not getting your admittedly vague point.

“Don’t you have one to sleep in?”

Picking out a grey shirt of his, you shut the dresser before taking off yours, “All my shit got destroyed when Thanos blew up the base. So I’m limited with the stuff I did buy.” He watches as you unintentionally flash him before pulling on his sleep shirt, “And I’m not exactly eager to be out and about right now. I’m still getting used to the new amount of people on this planet. Also I don’t like shopping......or people.”

Bucky nods in understanding as he follows you to the bed, though he can’t quit suppress his chuckles, “Okay fine.”

Throwing the blanket back, you raise a brow at him for that humored yet blunt remark, “Did you not want me to take this one?” You ask, speaking like you’re talking to a little puppy just to tease him more.

Rolling his beautiful blues, Bucky gets into bed as you do the same, “No. Its fine, I don’t actually care.”

Chuckling, you move to sit next to him as he lays on his back, ���Good. Cause you’re shirtless and I think I like you better that way. Means I can tickle you easier.”

“Don’t you dare tickle me Y/N or I will lock you out of the bathroom again I swear.” Warns Bucky as he quickly pulls the blanket over his muscular body while you start laughing at him.

“I wasn’t gonna do that. No....definitely not.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Huh well, guess you won’t be able to cuddle me then if you don’t trust me...” Throwing the blanket off of him, Bucky quickly engulfs you into his strong arms as you squeak with surprise, pulling you down so that he can be the big spoon for tonight.

“Now you’re trapped.” Mumbles Bucky against your shoulder as his chest pushes at your back when he laughs. He thinks he’s so funny.

Holding his arm that’s pressed against your body, you gently pat it as he hums in content, “Buck, I’m thoroughly enjoying this actually so just keep your arm there, even if it falls asleep you’re not allowed to move it sucker. That’s the rules.”

“Well maybe I like those rules. Sucker.” Chuckles Bucky as you bite your lip to keep from laughing. “Now go to sleep, it’s been a long week.”

“Fine.” You mumble into the darkness as a yawn hits you right after. Soon your breaths become steady and calm as you both lay there for another thirty minutes. You are tired, it’s just, something keeps you awake that just can’t be satisfied if you keep going on like this.

“Hey.” You whisper, he gives a low hum in reply, “Buck, I forgot to tell you I have a cat.”

Opening an eye, he gently squeezes your stomach, “You have a cat? Y/N what....how...uh, where is this cat?

“I gave her to Morgan. So I guess she’s technically not mine anymore, I don’t know. Just felt like telling you that.”

“Thanks for sharing.”

“Anytime.”

The both of you go as silent as ghosts before erupting into a fit of giggles, he buries his face into your hair as his sweet laughter bounces off the walls of your room. Though soon enough does the both of your giggles die down to nothing more then the calming sounds of your breathing.

Your mind dwells with a growing fatigue though your body seems to want something else then slumber, sucking in a soft breath, you hum in thought before whispering, “Bucky.” Just to spark his curiosity.

“Yeah.”

“Uh,” Maybe you shouldn’t be asking this and just let him sleep, “how tired are you?” You ask him anyways.

He pauses for a moment before slowly answering with a mumbled, “Tired.”

You hum in acknowledgment, voice low as you answer him, “oh okay.” Immediately sparking his interest.

“Why?” Asks Bucky, intrigued with your slightly disappointed response.

“Nothing, you said you’re tired so we can sleep.”

Bucky’s head rises off of the pillow as he leans over you to try and look at your face, “Well now I wanna know so tell me.” States Bucky in curiosity before catching himself, eyes softer now, “Please.”

Sighing, you purse your lips together, knowing he’s still leaned against your shoulder but deciding to spill anyways as you half-sheepishly whisper, “I’m kinda horny.”

“Kinda?” Chuckles Bucky in an almost teasing manner as you snort.

“Listen you little shithead, I know we did it the other day but I haven’t had sex in five goddamn years give me a break for being a bit horny despite my sleepiness.” You sass, “I’m just, I’ve been feeling a lot of things since you’ve come back. And I yunno, didn’t wanna come off too strong at first so...uh...yeah.”

Bucky hums in thought, “Right, right....yeah.”

Maybe he is too tired? You let out a little huff of slight embarrassment before turning your head to face him better, “It’s just how I’m feeling right now but if you’re too tired that’s really fine with me okay Buc...oh uh...mhmm...” Your worries lost to the wind as his fingers begin slipping underneath your shirt, plush lips pressing feather light kisses against your neck to shut you up from your restless mind. His digits graze over your hardened nibble before Bucky pulls your body flush to his, stubbled chin pressed against your shoulder as he plants a tiny kiss there.

You smile into the darkness when his kisses trail up from from your shoulder to your neck and finally your cheek, he slowly turns you onto your back as his lips plant butterfly kisses all over your face as you begin chuckling at how undeniably adorable he’s being right now. Mhmm hmm you could get used to this.

His arms slip from out of your sleep shirt, soon trapping you to the bed as he hovers over your heavenly vessel, granting you with a plethora of lovely kisses all over your heated skin like he’s exploring you for the first time all over again. Your hands instinctively trail through his shortened dark locks while he draws your legs apart with his muscular torso, doing everything to further spark your growing excitment.

Tonight will indeed be wonderful.

——

Waking up from out of a decently pleasant slumber, you suck in a deep breath to awaken the senses for the day, hands feeling around the rumpled up sheets for your snuggle buddy only to find nothing but an empty bedside. He’s gotten unbelievably good at sneaking out of bed it’s honestly one of the most impressive things he can do.

Your eyes scan the semi-closed window shades to reveal a glowing darkness, it’s only 5:00am, and you know exactly where he’s gone off to even after keeping him up for half the night. Instantly you’ve slipped out of bed, not bothering to turn on the lights as you quietly wander down the hallway until you reach the living room.

Past the small kitchen, and to the left of the single lounge chair, there he is. Snoozing like a meaty log of pure muscle and Vibranium as he lays on a thin blanket flush against the hardware floor. Another blanket covering his lower half as he shifts a bit in his sleep, he’s restless. Your eyes soften at your lover, he’s been doing this recently since Steve left and the world sucked Bucky back into reality. You’ve had plenty of time to adjust of course, but for Bucky, he’s had three months since you two parted from the comfort of Wakanda to live in America as part-time Avengers.

Technically he’s only free from the government and jail time for that matter because he was pardoned by the president and thus was forced to agree upon attending mandated therapy for everything the Winter Soldier did in the past. While you on the other hand were pardoned for war crimes and your involvement with the terrorist organization Hydra because of your status as an Avenger.

Also you’re technically only still allowed to live in the United States because you live with Bucky, who is conveniently from America, so you get a free pass as long as you two plan on residing under the same roof. So it works out for you.

Suddenly his labored breaths quicken and a second later he jolts awake, now drawing himself into a seated position as little beads of sweat shine in the light of the glowing television screen that shows some unimportant sports game.

His chest rises and falls before his blue eyes blink back the vivid fuzziness of his latest nightmare, gaze slowly shifting over to you once he realizes another body is near him. When his irises catch you in the full glow of the tv, he immediately lowers his head in slight embarrassment.

“Did I wake you up again?” Mutters Bucky, almost sounding like he’s mad at himself for letting you find him like this once more.

Shaking your head, you swiftly move to seat yourself at his level before leaning your back against the lounge chair, “You never wake me up Bucky, I think I have a sixth sense for you or something cause when you leave I just know.” You chuckle lightly as he shifts himself closer to you, “Also I miss you next to me.”

His head presses against the corner of the chair as he leans down to leave a light kiss on your shoulder, “I’m sorry. I just.....I don’t want to startle you when I’m having a nightmare and wake up, well, like that.”

Turning to face him, you reach a comforting hand up to gently run it through his shortened dark hair, “You can’t scare me off that easily Barnes. I could probably be classified as the monster under your bed if we’re talking about scary things at night.”

He reveals the ghost of a smile while leaning into your touch, “I know Y/N, it’s just not fair that I do this more then I should. You shouldn’t have to wake up all alone after living like that for five fucking years....I shouldn’t be doing this.”

“oh James..” You whisper while scooting closer so that your bent knees are against his own, hand now snaked down so that you can intertwine your hands with his, “...it’s not your fault the nightmares are coming back. And as much as I miss having you near me, sometimes we all need our space when things get internally rough. I get it, believe me. But don’t ever feel sorry okay? You have nothing to say sorry for, at least not to me alright?”

Bucky nods, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze while he shows the flash of a smile, “Okay.” Whispers Bucky, eyes falling down to your intertwined fingers before he finds your gaze once more, “Let’s go to bed, the sun will be up soon and I have a therapy session today.”

“Therapy is good for you Bucky.”

He rolls his eyes as you laugh at his annoyed expression, “You are my therapy.” Protests your lover before standing and pulling you up with him.

Hugging his torso affectionately, you smirk up at him, “Wrong answer James.” Holding back a genuine grin, he simply leans down to press his lips against yours. Doing his best to shut you up from further mentioning his required therapy sessions that he absolutely loathes to attend. 

——

Hands stuffed deep within your jacket pockets, you wander in step with Bucky who brushes his right arm against yours every couple of steps on the cement sidewalk of Brooklyn. You patiently waited the full forty-five minute session for him, knowing all too well that the second he walked out of there and saw your beautiful face. He’d be significantly less grumpy then before, just as you’d suspected.

Turning your head to face him, he keeps looking straight ahead though he’s aware enough to know you’re about to say something about the session, “You didn’t mention the nightmares did you.” Bucky huffs, annoyed at getting so easily caught by your observant intellect about him. You can read him like a book.

“No.” A blunt answer, he knows there’s no point in lying. “She thinks I need to call more people. Be more social or something.....it’s stupid.” He grumbles to himself though your ears catch it all the same.

You hum in agreement, “Well it wouldn’t kill you to call Sam, I know he tries to text you sometimes...”

“Does he text you?”

“Yeah.” You reply before playfully nudging his arm, “And unlike you, I answer. He’s just a concerned friend, which is nice, you need those kind of people.”

“I don’t need anyone but you Y/N. I’m good, really.”

Rolling your eyes, you snort as he throws you a half offended look, “Babe, I love you. But it’s admittedly a good thing to have other friends other then me. I know this from experience as we both know, so, give him a call sometime okay? For me.”

“Ugh, fine.” He begrudgingly mutters, “But only for you, that’s it.” Smiling brightly at him, you’re about to add something else when the sounds of your friend Yori rings loud in the bustle of the city as he argues with his annoyance of a neighbor, Unique. Something about trash and putting it in the wrong bin.

Bucky soon comes to the rescue and quickly puts an end to the argument before Yori decides to throw hands and gets himself in trouble. The stubborn old man gives up on his yelling and soon Bucky is able to convince him to get lunch with the two of you.

To the sushi place you go.

“Nobody made it past 90 this week.” Says Yori sadly as you lean against Bucky’s shoulder to catch a glimpse of the newspaper that he’s holding in one hand while you use your chopsticks to stuff a chunk of sushi in your mouth.

“So young. Such a shame.” Mutters Bucky with a shake of his head while he takes another bite of his meal.

“You guys didn’t order the usual, huh? Feeling a little adventurous?” Smiles Leah as you take a sip of your water, she loves when you three come in during her shift. Honestly she’s heard a lot of your complaining over the last couple weeks, though it’s usually just about some city annoyance since you don’t want to scare her off with all the real shit you’ve dealt with. You’re trying to make friends after all.

You acknowledge her with a raise of your drink before setting it on the glass counter, “Oh yeah, I like to live a little on the wild side..” You add with a laugh, “..unfortunately I tend to drag them along with me.”

Yori nods, “I enjoy the adventure.” Before pointing to Bucky, “It’s him right here who is scared of getting his feet wet.”

Leah laughs at the adorably confused face of Bucky as he sends the old man a look while you snicker in amusement. “Yori.” Warns Bucky without an once of aggression while you give his shoulder a gentle squeeze of affection.

“What?” Protests Yori, “I am right and you know it. Y/N am I not right?”

“Oh, you’re definitely not wrong.” Bucky pouts as you give his stumbled cheek a light peck, eyes set back onto your delicious sushi as he pretends to be annoyed by you and and Yori’s teasing.

The three of you continue to chomp down on your weekly lunch days meal at the usual sushi spot for another minute longer. Yori’s eyes suddenly sparking with a thought that you know he’s absolutely not going to keep to himself.

“You know what?” Whispers Yori as he leans in closer to Bucky, quit obviously pointing a finger towards you though you simply ignore them as he continues, “You better treat your woman well okay? She’s a good one...Ah I have a perfect idea. You go on a date, like dancing or....or, bingo.” Suggests the old man as your smile grows.

Bucky’s brows furrow as he whispers back, “We’re already dating.”

Yori nods, “You misunderstand my point, you must keep the flame going always okay? Very important, very important. When was the last time you gave her flowers huh? Went to the park? Whooed her..”

“I bought her a plant.” Says Bucky defensively as he side eyes you, “I, I whoo her.”

The old man smiles, “Good, good. That’s how you keep them around for a long time. Don’t forget that, I know what I’m talking about.”

“I’m sure you do.” Mumbles Bucky as you suppress the urge to laugh at their adorable conversation about how to treat a significant other right. That significant other being you.

——

Seated crisscrossed on the wooden floor of yours and Bucky’s shared apartment, a single thin blanket underneath you, your eyes squint suspiciously at Bucky like you don’t believe a single thing he’s saying. He’s seated on a pillow across the small coffee table, raising a dark brow at you while he holds back a growing smirk.

Your eyes soon shift down to the board before slowly trailing over his forced stoic face, “Well, Mr. Barnes....you’re a strong captain I’ll admit. But I am a skilled sea traveler of my own. E7.” His blue irises flicker down to his board, expression shifting ever so slightly in irritation, you got him.

Biting his lip, his hands move from behind the plastic board of the game that you can’t see, “How about that.” States Bucky with a genuinely impressed nod, “You sunk my battleship.”

Instantly your hands ball into fists, “Yessss.” You whisper joyously as your eyes squint in happiness for your first ever win against the literal master of Battleship. “Ha ha sucker! I won! I fucking won!” You shout with passion as he leans back on one arm to watch you jump up into a theatrical victory dance. God he loves you so much. You dangerous little goofball.

Swinging your arm dramatically in a circle, you shake your hips before winding down your dramatics to wander on over to Bucky who’s still seated on the floor, shimmering blues never leaving yours. Smirking victoriously, you crouch down to meet his humored gaze, “I think I deserve a prize.....and by prize I mean you get me those gummy worm things from the corner store. I deserve it after all.”

He tilts his head, the corners of his mouth rising as his eyes flicker to your lips for a brief moment, “Do you now?” He smiles lovingly though a sudden mischief sparkles in his eyes.

“Yes. This was the first time I ever won so I definitely deserve some type of reward for my efforts.” You state justly, eyes narrowing as you add, “Or I will battle you, and I’m not talking about the game.”

Bucky tilts his head up, an alluring smile playing at his plush pink lips while his eyes flicker to your mouth once again, oh he is certainly not going to get you naked in an attempt at swaying your mind from those gummies. You’re an ex-assassin who deserves some damn gummies every once in awhile. And his ass is gonna get you them, it’s only fair after all.

“Y/N.” Coos Bucky in that sultry voice of his, metal hand reaching up to touch your beautiful face, but as his fingers come within an inch of your precious skin. You shoot a hand up to clasp against his in an iron grip, blue eyes immediately going big when you tuck and roll. Taking his whole body with you.

In the swift aftermath, you’re able to skillfully pin him to the ground with relative ease. Both your hands pressed firmly against his naked wrists as you lean your face mere inches from his own, “I warned you, didn’t I?” You tease playfully as he breaks out into an inviting grin.

“I have something else in mind that you’ll absolutely love.” Assures Bucky with a telling expression that does nothing to hide the lust that flashes through them.

“In that case, pin me to the floor. And I’m all yours for the evening.” You whisper slyly as he practically shivers underneath your touch, “But if I win, you gotta travel two blocks for those delicious bitches. Khorosho, lyubov' moya?” You add in your native tongue of Russian, translating to “okay, my love” before pressing your forehead against his, eyeing him up like a bull ready to fight.

Bucky lets out a little sigh, something between annoyance and pleasure, “Fine. But you’re going dow...” Your lips crash against his in a hot second of passion before you quickly pull away, letting go of his wrists as you move to stand in a defensive position nearby.

Slowly blinking, he lets out a little huff before pulling himself to his full height, eyes trailing over you as he raises a brow, “Now that wasn’t fair.”

You casually shrug, “What wasn’t fair? We made a deal Barnes.”

Bucky rolls his eyes at your teasing, “You know what I...okay, okay. We’re really doing this?”

You shrug at his adorable expression, “You either have to walk 2 blocks in the dark for my treat, or a night of undeniably fantastic sex is within your reach. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy it, it’s the principle of the thing here. So, I’m going to fight you James Buchanan Barnes.” Oh and you used his full name too, Bucky knows without a doubt, it’s on.

He reveals a little smirk at that, “Guess I don’t have much of a choice. Hmm alright hot stuff let’s do this.” Muses your lover as he draws his hands up into fists, ever so slowly approaching you like a wary predator to their opposing rival. Not so sure if this is going to be a fight he can win or not, well, it sure won’t be an easy one.

When he’s within arms reach, you swiftly duck under his swift jab to your right arm, shooting a leg out to push him away from you while your body twists around to meet him. “Cheap shot.” Mumbles Bucky, calculated gaze studying your every movement as you slowly wander closer to him.

Looking as innocent as ever, “I want some gummy worms, I’ll break you little man.” Accent dripping with every word, further arousing Bucky though he tries to play it off with a laugh and a shake of his head.

Soon the two of you engage in a swiftly heated battle of hand to hand combat showing your admittedly intense skills of what only a former assassin could display so fluidly. Your two bodies moving like seasoned dancers across the hardwood flooring of your apartment, though you’re surprisingly able to keep relatively quiet as he blocks your fists. Can’t disturb those pesky neighbors.

Bucky shifts left just as you narrowly scrape your right elbow against his shoulder with a high jab from your elbows desperate upper cut, you slide on the hardwood under the false presumption that he’s out of reach when his flesh arm swings out to catch you in your stomach with a loud hollow thud. Ouch!

Instantly your throat emits a strange squeak as you feel the air knocked out of your precious lungs, clearly you had not anticipated this turn of events and neither does Bucky who immediately looks like he just accidentally stepped on a puppies little paw. “Y/N!” Worries Bucky with wide eyes as you keep hunched over, trying to suck in some needed oxygen.

Pulling some air into your lungs, you pretend to hobble over to the couch like a beaten down boxer, “Mm hmgood, yep.” You rasp out, resting your upper half on the couch as Bucky quickly approaches your side. But before he’s able to lay a comforting hand onto your shoulder, you swing a decorative pillow right at his head.

The puffy fabric knocks him onto his ass, earning a surprised grunt in the process as you tower above him, smirking like a trickster goddess over a poor lost and lonely traveler. Bucky rubs his reddened cheek, brows furrowed as he whines, “Y/N.” Like a little child who just got something taken from them by another kid.

Smirking a satisfied grin, you kneel down to meet his level, raising up a hand to gently draw his chin upwards to face you better, “That hurt you dickhead.” You muse as Bucky pouts, “ Y/N, I didn’t mean too..”

“I know.” You chuckle, “Now make it better.” You slyly add with a suggestive implication in your tone that causes Bucky to raise a brow. Letting go of his stubbled chin, you seat yourself onto the floor, facing Bucky as he reaches his metal hand out to pull you in closer to him.

Just about shoulder to shoulder with him, he gently presses his Vibranium hand to your cheek before pulling your face closer to his, soon the two of you lock lips with one another as his other hand snakes around to pull you onto him.

Ever so gently do you follow him to the floor as he continues to passionately make out with you like there’s no tomorrow. Metal and flesh hand feeling you up from your breasts to your bum as you straddle your man, hands trailing through his shortened hair while he fully enjoys this new positioning and turn of events.

Bucky presses wet kisses all around your cheeks and lips while he begins nonchalantly unbuttoning your pants, clearly hoping this will continue further and that all thoughts of those delicious gummy worms are out the door. You won’t lie to yourself though, caging Bucky’s thick torso underneath your opened legs is an admittedly pleasant experience to say the least.

So when he snakes his hands up under your shirt and starts messaging your breasts through the fabric of your bra, your mind begins thinking of some other things a bit more important then some simple treat from the local corner store. He knows just how to turn his favorite lover into a pile of puddy with nothing more then his mouth and fingers. This little shithead isn’t even inside you yet, you’re not even naked for goodness sakes!

But alas, a bet is a bet, and you don’t like to lose. Smirking into the kiss, and holding back a moan as Bucky’s digits squeeze your soft breasts, you tug on his hair before pulling away from his pleasantly inviting lips. Earning a palpable pout of confusion from your man, who’s noticeably grown hard against your bum.

“Y/N?”

“Bucky.” You tease back, imitating his voice once again as he throws you a puzzled look, “Don’t give me that shit Barnes I know what you’re trying to do.”

“And what am I trying to do?” Sasses Bucky as he rests his hands onto either side of your hips.

You raise a brow down at him, “These shenanigans.”

Bucky smiles, head falling back onto the floor as he laughs, “That’s not, no I’m not doing any shenanigans I swear....I just, maybe I just want to show my girl how much I love her.” Replies Bucky, though you stay unconvinced.

“We had a deal remember?”

“Yeah well, none of us won so..”

“Oh really?” You challenge, “Then why are you on your back and I’m right here as the victorious one? Who by the way has earned her gummy worms fair and square James Buchanan Barnes.”

Bucky groans, “oh come on Y/N....I can’t go now. Have some pity on me please?”

“And why not?”

He gently gives your hips an affectionate squeeze, “Because, my beautiful she-wolf who I love so very much and cherish every day of my life forever and alw..”

“Get to the point I want those damn gummies.” You threaten with a stern look though he knows you don’t truly mean it of course, but he has successfully annoyed you. “What is the problem this time?”

Bucky throws you a sheepish grin as he takes one of your hands in his, “Because I’m hard.” Sincere and straight to the point.

Pursing your lips together in amused irritation, you remove his hand from your hip, “Well, you did that to yourself babe I can’t help how amazing I am just existing. Really get over yourself.” You playfully tease before standing above him as his eyes never once leave your beautiful face, “Those gummies aren’t going to buy themselves.”

Bucky sighs dramatically shaking his head as he whispers, “You’re a monster of the greatest evil.” Smiling like a lovestruck idiot despite his neutrally spoken words.

You chuckle, stepping over him to pick up a pillow, “That’s me. Now don’t give me a reason to show you my claws.”

He quickly rises to his full height, another fallen pillow in hand as he tries to hide his hardened member behind it like some shitty magic act, “I’m just, I’m gonna hold this pillow for you. Not important why.”

“Uh huh.” You muse as he watches you clean up Battleship, putting all the pieces away and into the particular box before shoving it underneath the couch. When you go to fold the furniture's decorative blanket, a knock is heard at the door.

“Not it.” Mutters Bucky as you throw him an annoyed glance, already aware of who this is by their familiar scent. You walk over to the door and open it as Bucky hides in the background, pillow still covering his tented crotch.

“Hello Mrs. Brego you need help with your windows again?” You speak in Italian to your neighbor from down the hall. The old woman smiles before giving you a little shake of her head indicating a no.

“No dear, just telling you there’s cops downstairs for that guy from Chicago I think, so if you plan on going out. I wouldn’t choose tonight, the whole lobby is filled with people I think he might have been into drugs.” Warns the sweet old woman as you slowly nod, knowing all to well that Bucky most certainly heard everything.

Faking a smile, you shrug, “Wasn’t planning on going out tonight anyways. Well, thanks again. See you when I see you.” She smiles brightly before turning to walk down the hallway and into her own apartment, you watch until she shuts her door just to make sure nothing bad happens on your time.

Feeling comfortable that’s she’s fine, you shut and lock the door, pursing your lips as you turn around to face a smirking Bucky. He’s still holding the pillow against his junk, but he looks incredibly full of himself standing there with that stupidly handsome face of his. Those eyes. That smile. His body......no, focus.

Bucky goes to open his mouth but before he can say something sarcastic you throw a hand up to stop him, “Not a word.” You deadpan before turning to walk down the hallway, stopping yourself to glance over your shoulder, “Give me five minutes and then you can come to bed. But you better be naked or else.”

Bucky snorts as you practically swagger down the short hallway and into your shared bedroom. Closing the door as you prepare yourself for a late night of adventuring each others bodies.

Oh tonight will be something indeed.

-

Tagged: @diegos-butt  @minigranger @bibliophilewednesday @holyhumorliteraturelight @lilacs-lavender @a-girl-who-loves-disney @starkssnarks @vikingqueen28 @bizarrebibitch @atomicpersonacheesecake @jmstz @staygoldsquatchling02 @marvelbros-oneshots @shawnartmendes @mischiefmanaged71 @jckie94 @iamasimpingh0e @mjaudrey​   @thescarlettvvitch

[meksims]

the “without fail” writing tag by @gilded-ghosts.

@koisser and @honeyviesims tagged me in this challenge, and i've been itching to do it! finally found the time to write this down. :') thank you for the tag! 

Rules: List five things that you, WITHOUT FAIL, weave into or explore in your stories, whether it be specific themes or tropes, character archetypes, allusions to other literary works, what have you! It really can be anything that you consistently include in your narratives for whatever reason. Then invite others to share theirs by tagging them! 

while i haven't shared much of my writing with the simblr community, i've actually been writing since i was in first or third grade! it was mostly fanfiction until i reached high school, and i slowly branched out and started own original stories. after all those years of writing, i'd like to think that i've got some "without fails" up my sleeve. 

i’ll be keeping the rest of the post under a ‘read more’ so as to not clog your dashboards. feel free to read if interested! it’s a long one, and i think i end up going off-tangent from time to time. 😅💛

color theory.

when coming up with a new oc, i always try to get the essentials down: name, appearance, birthday, gender identity, sexual orientation, overall purpose/role, etc. i like taking it one step further and assigning them a color.

i’ve been interested in color theory / color psychology for the longest time. for one, it helps me distinguish each character from each other. it acts as a ‘starter’ or ‘base’ for developing their personality. it’s also fun when i get to build a scene and the opportunity to use color ends up presenting itself. 

if you wanna know how serious i am about it, i’ve got a tracker. like the google sheets kind. here’s the 2020 edition, which i need to update...

when it comes to translating that into the sims, i usually try and reflect their chosen color through their clothing. you’ll notice that in my coa x main nine introduction post; i think all of them (except for jian and matteo) wore their color in their clothes.  

found family.

i love this trope. i love this trope to death and i will never not include it in my writing. it can be a group of misfits coming together, it can be a squad or team going through certain trials and tribulations with one another, it can be anything of the sort and i will absolutely eat it up. it’s heart-warming, it makes me cry, and as a queer woman it has a special place in my heart.  

an example of found family in my writing includes squad a from coalesce (aether, peters, mack, and seonghui). they met primarily through their canon occupations and ended up with a synergy that’s as strong as it can be. 

found family’s also great for exploring insecurities, vulnerabilities, and getting to play with how one member or person interacts with the others. i’m a sucker for that. and i’m also a sucker for a good group hug!

the city and its secrets.

some personal context: my hometown isn’t exactly the most metropolitan. the same sentiment applies to the town where i spent elementary and high school. it was only around college that i got to experience being somewhere that felt more alive.

i love cities. there’s something about it that just draws me in—i mean, my undergraduate thesis was related to the city, and i just ordered a book about cities from my university bookstore. i love the potential there is for it, endless possibility, the different walks of life that intersect on a daily basis, so on and so forth. 

but i’m also interested in what’s kept tightly-shut; secrets, mystery, who approaches who if there’s a problem, a noisy club with a private back room, some sort of inner darkness that’s close to overflowing. 

this should also explain why i love playing in san myshuno!

road to recovery.

so you've reached rock bottom. how do you claw your way back up?

my friend rainy knows this well, but one of the things i want to do with coalesce—especially with characters like seonghui—is to show that recovery isn’t linear, as cheesy as it sounds. it’s difficult. it gets nasty. you feel like you’re thrown further back from where you started. but do you pick yourself back up and try again, or do you let yourself be consumed by the hurt of it all?

admittedly, i’ve also been intersted in looking into charcters who fall into the latter option. i think that’s something i want to do with another fic (that i’ve nicknamed shadow); but no promises on the progress of that one! 😅

disappearing acts.

an important thing to know about me: meks loves a good, good mystery.

back in high school, a lot of my stories were centered on someone who disappeared. the plot was always focused on bringing them back, but before they even did, something i also liked exploring was absence. how does it feel when someone familiar isn’t there? how do the dynamics change? is there something off-balance?

i still use the trope in current stories, but the disappearances aren’t as awful, i promise! or at least, i hope they aren’t…

but yeah, bringing it back to the second part of this explanation, i just like fiddling with absences and gaps and exploring character dynamics.

those are the top five! i’ve got way more, but i can save those for another post. 

again, thank you to koisser and vie for tagging me! i’ve got no idea who to tag because i think everyone’s done it at this point. but if you wanna do it and need someone to tag you, just say that i did. it’s okay. 💛

[jdramione]

Hello!! I am absolutely in love your with your story and find it very cathartic. I love how protective and understanding you’ve written Steve and Bucky, along with how you write about Darcy’s emotional ups and downs. It feels very realistic as recovery is never a straight line. I think you do an awesome job conveying emotions, which is what makes this story so special! Can’t wait for more and hope you’re doing good ❤️

Thank you so very much! I am so moved by this - truly. I am working so HARD at writing - you have no idea! I cannot WAIT to share with you the updates and new chapters I've written. Recovery very much isn't a straight line. I think I've struggled with writing sections of this because 1) I have never written anything before and have been a bit shellshocked that while some scenes basically write themselves, others are a bit like piecing together a puzzle. Rewrites and rewrites... it's a lot. I have been working on this one scene for a WEEK, and while it's not the most important scene ever, it is an important one somewhat so it has to be there. But let me tell you - this sucker is like pulling teeth. And writing it subpar just isn't good enough for me. So I suffer through the process of gritting it out, and then am adding to, and rephrasing, and adding descriptions, and... it's just a process. So I'm on like... day 5 of this very small scene. But this is the perfect example of how some of the scenes do not just pen to paper. And so this side of writing has been... challenging. But not in a negative way - just a more time-consuming process kind of way. But surprisingly to myself, I am really enjoying the actual process of writing and rewriting. Trying to figure out exactly what I'm trying to say in the way I want to say it, and B) that I'm writing traumas that feel very close to heart and some days I can sink in and others I need to push away from them. Recovery isn't linear and when an author takes a storyline like this one on, writing it brings stuff up that feels close to heart. There are scenes that I write that I have to remind myself to breathe, I get caught up. Or scenes that make me cry and I have to just close the computer and walk away for a week. But thank you for your positive encouragement and taking the time to leave me a message. It means so much to me. All I can say is that I am trying to do my very best. More is definitely on the way. I am not giving this up, and I cannot wait to share with you all the work I have put in on this that you haven't seen yet. I am so pumped to do that. Darcy has a long road ahead of her, and I won't stop until I've made it to the last and final chapter. Soon. :)

[aqvarius]

[REVIEW] Her Love in the Force: Shusuke Soma - Who I Once Was

Guys, I’m supposed to be dieting during this quarantine period but Voltage is keeping me FED with all this new amazing Soma content. 

HLITF fans, we have been blessed with amazing Soma content recently. Soma’s S3 Love’s Battlefield route was probably one of, if not the, most memorable HLITF routes I’ve ever played. I also adored his PoV despite it not covering all the moments that I personally wanted to read. (I understand disappointment over it, but I found that the bonus scenes they gave us made up for it, and it allows me to play with my own imagination a bit and potentially write up some fic for the scenes not in his PoV hehe.)

Like the manic Soma fan that I am, I had to IMMEDIATELY buy and read this route. I love him so much I am willing to do anything just to understand him even a little bit better. To my delight, I’m not even a little bit disappointed. And the route even made me spend 300 more coins to buy Goto’s Episode 0 so well done Voltage lol. 

I will summarise my thoughts on this story and then get into some more detail in the cut below. With that said, if you know Soma’s back story already, there isn’t much information to spoil. But I’ll leave some of the more surprising details under the cut.

This story shows us an unfamiliar Soma. This is a Soma that is far colder than even when we first meet him as a Special Instructor at the Academy. He battles with his conflict over his future and what he feels like his life’s purpose is, which is all sparked over his sister Kurume’s comment that she sees him as a hero. Throughout the route, he struggles with aimlessness and his futile attempts to investigate the metro gas attack even while doing his work in the Criminal Affairs/Investigations department, where he becomes the mentor for new recruits Ichiyanagi and Goto. That’s RIGHT, we finally get the Soma/Goto/Ichiyanagi Criminal Affairs dynamics that I have been waiting for years for ever since finding out that they all worked there together! (The only thing missing is Hayase but I guess he’s from a different timeline lol). 

This is something that makes the route super enjoyable to read because we get to see a Soma who isn’t as gentle and reticent as the one we know. He’s a bit colder, a bit harsher, and has less tolerance for antics. We also see Soma as a mentor before he became an instructor and it’s so cool to realise that Goto and Subaru are so capable partially because of the harsh but fair mentoring of Soma and the way that he’s not only drilled the fundamentals of police work into them but also supported them emotionally through the trials of losing a loved one. This route really helps you understand why Goto has so much trust and respect for Soma (and I’d like to see more Soma/Subaru interactions!) 

We also get to see Kurume for what I believe is the first time, which is incredible to be able to put a face to the name. I am such a sucker for big brother Shusuke and seeing more of his life with Kurume really adds depth to our understanding of his character and why/how losing him has made him lose perspective of his own life and identity. 

(I don’t know if I can explain in words how devastated seeing the two of them together made me feel...)

The route also gave some more insight into the Goto/Kazuki situation which was used really well to offset Soma’s own situation regarding vengeance and unresolved grief. We also get to see more of the relationship between Soma and Goto and how much Goto respects him as a senpai even though Goto transferred to Public Safety first (on the recommendation of a certain elite ;)). There are also some great Ishigami/Soma moments which I’ll elaborate on under the cut, as well as some things I discovered while cross referencing between this story and Goto’s Who I Once Was. 

I love that there’s a theme running throughout the story, which is about defining a hero. This is a crucial question which underpins Soma’s incessant yet pointless attempts to figure out his identity and purpose in life. I love that we begin to see him figuring out what being a hero means to him and that Goto’s own grief and slow road to recovery, and the way that he’s affected Goto’s life, is what sets him on this path towards figuring out where to go from here on out. This path is then what leads him to his MC, who we can see is someone who grabs him by the hand and pulls him ever forward. 

To put it briefly, this is a route you’ll enjoy if you love Team Ishigami. You get to see both Soma and Goto pre-trauma (you get to see a younger Goto than in his own episode 0), but then you see both of them forced to confront grief head-on, and then you can see how they both help each other to move forward in their own subtle ways. This story also showcases the best of Ishigami, a man who is collected and analytical but is always thinking of how he can help those around him who are hurt. Like how Ishigami and Kaga are saved by Namba, I would say that Soma saves Goto, then Goto returns the favour, and then Ishigami saves them both. 

Keep reading under the cut to see my further thoughts on Soma: Who I Once Was. I provide extra details about the story and provide some analysis on his relationships with his colleagues and his MC with lots of screenshots for evidence!

Okay so first off: Soma’s parents are ALIVE??? Why have we never met them?! You would think that they would come to Kurume’s grave on Soma’s birthday to see their children at least. For some reason I genuinely thought it was just him and Kurume but no it turns out that he’s had parents this whole time?! Either way, it’s so wonderful getting to see Soma’s home life from back when he was a teenager.

In the past, I’ve made joking comments about Soma being confused over familial and romantic love and wondering if he just cares for his MC like he cares for Kurume because how can you have sex with someone and then still wonder if you just care for them like a SISTER. But this story definitely helped me understand his mindset a bit better and why he sees similarities between his MC and his sister.

So I think we’ve discovered quite early on that Soma’s sister died on his 19th birthday. We also see scenes of them when Kurume is in high school and already having to fill out forms about her future. So she would be 15 at the very least while Shu would have been probably in his first year of uni? I think he’s mentioned that Kurume and his MC would be around the same age but I was really reminded of that in this route.

Honestly it devastated me to read that conversation because her future was just stripped away from her like that. And to see her get all excited about all the possibilities her future held just wrecked me emotionally. She was considering being a florist or a baker or a pharmacist. She would have been around the same age as the MC :’( To see Shu suggest that Kurume could consider studying agriculture made my heart ache because it made me think of how much care Soma puts into maintaining his plants and how much it means to him that his MC takes care of them for him when he can’t, especially because that’s what Kurume did. I also now believe that Soma is so invested in doing whatever it takes to guide his MC towards the best possible future for her because it’s his way of almost atoning for Kurume never being able to live out her dreams and future.

So rather than mistaking familial and romantic/sexual love, I think it’s rather that Soma sees his MC as symbolic of how his sister might have grown up. Rather than thinking of his MC as his sister, he wonders if he’s just fond of her because she’s similar to how she might have been, sort of like how you might make friends more easily with people that remind you of other friends or siblings/people close to you. That’s why he gets so confused when he feels more beyond just affection and can’t control his emotions, because he’s never felt love beyond just worrying and wanting the best for someone until his MC.

On a side note, Soma did a 4 year degree at a university before joining the police academy? What did he study?!?! I want to know!!!!!

I also love that we got to see Soma not really wanting to be a mentor. We get to see him at his most candid, and at a time in his life where he’s still figuring himself out and doesn’t have any goals except for getting to the bottom of the Crimson Wings case. So when he has to take two rambunctious young men under his wing, it’s so amusing to see how much they annoy him at first with their bickering. In the main stories, we only really get to see a bit of this when he deals with Kurosawa but when he does that, it’s kind of jokey and snarky but man Subaru and Goto really pissed him off at times LOL. Like I mentioned, we’ve only seen him as a seasoned instructor who goes out of his way to help you develop, but he is so reluctant to look after these kids at first. He calls them goons, the gruesome twosome, annoying, a pain in the ass… It’s so funny seeing this side of Soma.

I did think it was so cute that Subaru immediately jumped to calling him Shu and Goto was so polite and called him Soma-san but then somewhere down the line ended up calling him Shu as well (which is what he still calls him to this day. I would literally DIE to see some present-day Subaru/Soma interactions – will someone who’s played Goto’s Adversaries let me know if the two of them interact? Subaru is so alpha male especially now, I’d love to see him defer to Soma in the present day.) It was also so cute that they tried to throw him a birthday party (but also very tragic because his birthday is also the anniversary of Kurume’s death and none of them knew that).

I also loved seeing Soma’s response to Kazuki’s death and the way that Goto’s loss and Soma’s loss kind of play off each other. He knows how it feels to lose a loved one, he’s been dealing with the repercussions of it for at least around 5 years at this point with frankly very little progression. If Goto was not able to move forward because he was stuck in time, Soma is not able to move forward because he is lost. Goto’s grieving puts in in a static place where he can’t move, but Soma’s grieving has him constantly moving, but without direction. He’s haunted by Kurume’s words and even says as much: “I had no idea where I was supposed to go… I just let myself float along”. 

This is why Soma scolds him both in his own story and in Goto’s story, and it is Soma’s experience that allows him to guide Goto towards his growth. It’s also (at least partially) because of Soma that Goto ends up in Public Safety.

Ishigami approaches Soma for an evaluation of Goto, stating that “students raised by an elite teacher are elite themselves”. Soma’s evaluation sets the stage for Goto to eventually be able to confront his grief and develop as an undercover specialist through Ishigami’s guidance; Goto even calls him his “benefactor”. In Goto’s story, he says “It has to be him. The one who found me on the neon-lit street” and Goto then mentions a line about being blinded by revenge that I’m pretty certain is something that Soma said during their nighttime (and thus presumably neon-lit) back alley chat. So I’m not 100% certain who Goto has in mind but 95% he’s thinking about Soma, especially since he later thanks him for the transfer. 

 We know that Soma essentially helps Goto without trying because he’s confused when Goto calls him his benefactor. In evaluating Goto to Ishigami and cornering him in that dark alley, without even knowing it, Soma effectively helps to push Goto into facing his future – the two facets that Goto says makes someone a hero. 

We also discover that Soma is recruited to Public Safety through a recommendation by Goto, who is presumably “the elite who nominated” him.  I love that if Soma pushes the frozen-in-time Goto into moving forward, Goto helps the lost Soma begin to find some direction.  

For years, Soma has been chasing this elusive concept of “being a hero” without even knowing what that means, which is why he never gets closer to fulfilment, because he doesn’t know what it’s supposed to be like to “feel like a hero”. No matter what he himself does, he is never able to see himself as a hero either because he couldn’t prevent the death of the one person he wanted to save. I will say probably that the thing that first changed Soma into making him feel like he has more sense of purpose in becoming one step closer to the “hero” that Kurume said he was is that Goto basically called him his hero. I think it’s so special because here we can really see the links drawn between Goto’s life, Soma’s life, and the narrative theme of being a “hero”.

Something that I thought was missing was how Goto (and potentially Subaru?) finds out about Soma’s past. We never see him tell him about it, but I wonder if that’s the reason why he nominates Soma to join Public Safety? We know that Ishigami knows about it, but I think Goto would probably have found out through Soma himself?

On another note, I actually wondered why Soma, Goto and Kurosawa all have fairly similar strategies and strengths as detectives while Kaga and Shinonome have more specific specialties. Now I realise it’s because Goto trained under Soma, and Kurosawa trained under both Goto and Soma.

These two routes made me realise that Goto needed Soma, Soma needed Goto, and they both needed Ishigami and Public Safety in order to be able to keep walking forward without being trapped in neverending grief. I just need to talk for a little bit about how incredible Ishigami is. Ishigami’s judgement in picking his team is amazing. The fact that he finds these people who have personal vendettas who are working covertly and independently to achieve vengeance and then sees how they evaluate each other shows that he is actively building a team that respects each other and work well together. He sees that they have the skills for Public Safety work but also that they have personal issues that Public Safety can help them deal with, and then he does everything he can to help them attain their peace. Ishigami is unbelievably supportive. He works quietly and diligently within the system to get his subordinates to where they need to be and I LOVE THAT SO MUCH.

Okay with all this said, I cross referenced between Goto’s Episode 0 and Soma’s Episode 0 and found some timeline discrepancies? Right after Kazuki’s death, we know Goto spends a while completely depressed until Subaru drags him up to go to Kazuki’s funeral. Then after her funeral, he becomes obsessed with working independently to try to avenge her death. This goes on for long enough (weeks) that Soma has to corner him in a back alley to lecture him (which by the way happens surprisingly often with Soma lol). Goto transfers to Public Safety soon after Kazuki’s funeral. We know this because he transfers and we see him start doing work for Ishigami but when he goes to see her grave and Subaru says that he’s transferring to SP department, this happens on the monthiversary of Kazuki’s death (not even her funeral). Then, it says that Soma transfers to Public Safety a few weeks after Goto’s transfer (meaning it would have happened within a couple months at most after Kazuki’s death).

In Soma’s route, we know that he goes to see Goto a few weeks after Iijima (Kazuki)’s funeral with the bananas. This occurs while Goto is still at Criminal Affairs because Soma references “the other day” when Soma lectures him about his personal life getting in the way of his job. I’m assuming this happens after the back alley lecture when Goto has returned to normal life for that one week before he gets called to transfer to Public Safety. However, later Soma, still working in Criminal Affairs, says “Years have passed, but the one responsible for [Kazuki’s] case wasn’t caught”. This suggests that Soma was still at Criminal Affairs for years after Goto’s transfer to Public Safety rather than weeks? So what’s the TRUTH?

I also just briefly want to gush about how much I love the CG. We see those typical important Soma elements (his hair and the bonsai) but I just love the look on his face. I mean he looks impossibly handsome, but he looks so serious and determined while at the same time still lacking the warmth that we see in later CGs that he only develops after meeting his MC. Am I reading too much into this? Maybe, but let me PRETEND. 

Finally, I want to end my thoughts on how this relates to his relationship with his MC. Soma says that she’s helped him to face the future. As I previously discussed, I genuinely believe that part of this is because his MC lets him see glimpses of what Kurume could have been. Soma is attracted to her brightness, her bravery, her diligence, her conviction and her optimism. (He also starts enjoying everyday life with her when they pose as a married couple and let’s not forget that he does find her physically attractive even before he falls in love/realises he’s in love lol). But more significantly, I feel like this is because of how important he is to her.

Soma has previously said that he doesn’t trust Public Safety, but for some reason they seem to trust him. This reveals that he’s not sure of what his value is to his department or to his colleagues. While he has moved forward, he’s still working towards being that “someone who pushes you to face the future” and “helps people without trying”. Even though Goto basically implies that Soma is the one who has helped him face his future, Soma sort of interrupts so he doesn’t explicitly voice it. However, when his MC confesses how important he is to her with that unwavering conviction of hers, I believe in that moment he suddenly realises his own worth. His MC, who in some ways is a vicarious symbol of Kurume’s potential, helps him see that he has already been a “hero” to those he has saved through his Public Safety work and to his colleagues. This, combined with her trust in his colleagues and them actually coming to the rescue, is what makes Soma able to trust his colleagues. Because he finally knows his own worth, he can finally see how significant he is to his colleagues and how far they would go for him. I think this is also what makes him believe in Public Safety as an institution. For years, he’s been unable to trust or forgive Public Safety because of what happened to Kurume, but now he can finally see that they as an institution have actually helped people and saved people’s lives, and this is partially due to his own involvement.

Finally, the last facet of his relationship with his MC that I want to talk about is how mutually important their relationship is. I’ve already discussed how his MC sees him as a hero by those guidelines that Goto helped him set down, but by those same guidelines, his MC is also his hero. I mean first off, he first became conscious of her as a woman when she gave a ridiculous display of bravery. But more importantly, if a hero is someone who helps people without trying and someone who pushes you to face the future, she has done both of those for him. He says so himself: “With her, I think I can focus on the future and moving forward”. And she has helped him just by being herself. This theme really comes to a head when she literally throws away her own future to help him finally get closure. When he decides to cut his hair, he says this:

“I’ll make the cut, draw the distinction between the past and the future, because I love them both.

I have to let go of what I’ve lost and look to what I can still gain.”

He learns this because of her.

Soma: Who I Once Was is an incredible story that really helped me to understand my favourite character’s psyche, history and relationships just a little bit more. For that, I’m so thrilled and so grateful. I’m so pleased at the quality of this content and all the insight it provides, and I’m excited to see how Soma and his relationships continue to grow and develop in the future.

[dxitydoo]

Miraculous Ladybug Fic Recs!

I keep going looking for these and realising there aren’t loads so, while this doesn’t fix my problem, hopefully this helps you if you’re looking for some good fics!

For some reason, I’ve had a bit of a thing for longer fics recently so most of these are over 10k. Hopefully, there’s enough of a mix that you can find something you like!

Key

* - unfinished

M - mature

☆ - favourite

Arranged in alphabetical order.

Allez Savoir Pourquoi by Yilena | 30k - M

After seeing her soulmate for years without knowing his identity, Marinette bumps into him at a newly opened cat café. When he confesses that he needs help, she agrees to work for him on a whim. AU.

breathe— by frostedpuffs | 22k

Adrien had always been fond of Marinette. That was a truth he held close to his heart.

When he nearly meets his fate on an otherwise peaceful autumn afternoon, his world is thrown into typhoon of muddled thoughts and vague memories. Though questions burn at his mind as he lies awake, one particular detail stays constant: a familiar face in the crowd that's been by his side every step of the way.

It's a long road to recovery. But with his partner close, what's there to be afraid of?

☆ A Co-meow-dy of Errors by othellia | 31k

While chasing down a thief, an ancient artifact causes Adrien and Alya to swap bodies. Desperate to keep it a secret from Ladybug, the two decide to try and live life as the other until they can re-track down the thief and switch back.

Things... don't exactly go according to plan.

My thoughts: I read this one on the way to school and boy was it hard to keep from smiling while reading it

☆ Chasing the C/h/atwalk by Inkkerfuffle | 112k

Paris. The city of lights, love and fashion. Follow the progress of Marinette Dupain Cheng as she enters the extremely competitive world of Reality television for a chance to be the winner of Project Runway: France.

My thoughts: this one is literally my all-time MLB fanfic. If you’re willing to read a longer one, then this one is definitely definitely worth it!

☆ Cheaters by 11JJ11 | 8.7k

Alya discovers Adrien kissing Ladybug, and she's not happy that he's cheating on her best friend. Adrien knows that he can't reveal his Lady's identity, and he just might have to take the fall– but he's not going down alone.

My thoughts: Now with an extra 2nd part that makes it even better!

Checking Sources by DOMinMatrix | 10k

Marinette is having a rough day when that night, when she's supposed to have a solo patrol, Chat Noir shows up asking a single question: "Have you revealed your identity to anyone, accidentally or otherwise?"

Derrière l’ecran - ENGLISH TRANSLATION by Mindell | 6.6k

Little virtual conversations between Ladybug and Chat Noir, after which Chat Noir was successful in convincing his co-teammate that it would be very practical for them to have the possibility to contact her when they are not transformed into their hero alter-egos. The Internet is there to guarantee anonymity-- something so dear to the heart of the young girl…

☆ Fermeture by KarmaHope | 9.4k

The hardest part of being a superhero is no longer being a superhero. It’s been five years since Marinette last saw Tikki; since she last saw Chat Noir; and she can’t take it anymore. A reunion/reveal fic.

My thoughts: this one almost made me cry but it was also so good. I couldn’t not put it on this list

fierce competition by Bumblewyn | 3.3k

"I have a problem," Ladybug laments as she theatrically drapes herself across one of the Eiffel Tower's support beams.

"What is it?" Chat Noir asks, curiously looking up at her slumped form.

"I think the boy I like has a crush on me."

"Hold on," Chat says, holding up a finger to halt her as he frowns intensely.

They stare at each other in silence for a couple of seconds.

Chat shrugs and drops his finger. "I give up," he declares. "I have no idea how that could possibly be a problem."

"Because he's got a crush on Ladybug! Only on Ladybug!"

My thoughts: I just love their relationship in this. This one is short but sweet

give ‘em pumpkin to talk about by alooxsnaps | 3.8k

“Wow Marinette, great Ladybug costume!”

Alya’s words reverberated in her head like someone kept hitting pause and rewinding the moment over and over again, until sheer, unadulterated panic swallowed her whole.

She wasn’t IN a costume. She was transformed. ...As LADYBUG.

~

Alya throws a Halloween party and chaos ensues.

How To Break Superhero Rules by GayFairyRoyalty | 7k*

What happens when Chloe argues with Marinette?

What happens when Marinette finally loses her cool?

What happens when all of Miss Bustier's class find out Marinette's and Adrien's secrets?

If You Give a Kwami a Cracker by PFTones3482 | 5k+

...it might just end up with your best friend figuring out your secret identity. One shot.

In the Middle of a Very Happy Ending by ProbablyVoldemort | 4.3k

Senior Theme Week is fast approaching. But what happens when there's too many real akumas for Marinette to make her and Adrien's Akuma Day costumes?

☆ Paws Fur Coffee by Zaphirite | 32k

He was so sure that Ladybug would already push him off a rooftop if she knew his civilian identity worked at a café called “Paws Fur Coffee” of all names (the owner is a dog person, but he’ll take it), but his flub on the chalkboard menu just topped it all off.

His neat handwriting read back to him: “Chai Noir”.

(In which Adrien Agreste has some really cool ideas about the special drink of the week and gets to know a regular customer.)

☆ Pick-Up and Chase by SKayLanphear | 30k

After she accidentally trips into Adrien and apologizes about "falling for him," Marinette learns that he's no match for cheesy pick-up lines--whether they were unintended or not. And while she finds it flattering that he turns into a flustered mess with only a few words, Marinette comes to regret making him uncomfortable. That is, until she learns he's Chat Noir. At which point the phrase "just deserts" becomes a permanent fixture in her everyday plans.

A story in which Adrien is flustered, Marinette is smooth as glass at dropping lines, and Chat Noir gets the romance he was always asking for--even if he doesn't quite know how to handle it.

My thoughts: this one was hilarious and had me screaming a couple of times

Poster Boy by Amateum

Ladybug let out a relieved sigh and slumped against the wall surrounding the bed they had landed on. “That was close.” She looked over to where Chat was sat on the other side of the bed.

He glanced around the darkened room, taking in the details. He loved having night vision. “How did you know where the key to the house was?” He asked, turning back to Ladybug.

“Because…” An uncomfortable look crossed her face, followed by resignation. “Because this is my room, Chat.”

“Really?!” He immediately perked up and peered over the edge of the bed to get a better look around. Unfortunately, her lack of night vision doesn’t stop Ladybug from finding his ear-the human one- and using it to yank him back to the top of the bed. “Chaton!”

“Right. Secret identity. Sorry,” he said sheepishly. After a beat he said, “Hey, why do you have a collage of Adrien Agreste pictures?”

Shellter Chat by Bridgetinerabbit | 58k

A peek inside Adrien's school bag gives Nino some very unexpected insight as to what makes his good friend tick, but leaves him in a very delicate position. He never expected to strike a deal with the Kwami of Destruction, but now he and Plagg are working together to relieve some of Adrien's (and Chat Noir's) burdens for his own good. But being Adrien's guardian angel isn't as easy as it seems; other secret identities start falling apart, and there's no telling where the falling dominoes will stop.

Sixty Minutes by mikochan_noda, peonydee | 13k

Alya Césaire, award-winning pursuer of truth, is honored with an intimate interview with Ladybug and Chat Noir. However, she doesn't count on finding out certain things that are making her regret asking in the first place.

☆ spotty connections by agrestenoir | 66k

(1:14 pm) So you never told me how you planned to make Gabriel Agreste cry.

(1:20 pm) Oh my god, how drunk was I last night?!

(1:22 pm) They live.

(1:23 pm) Barely.

(1:24 pm) How do I know you again?

(1:24 pm) I don’t think you do? I’m Wrong Number. You were texting me your New Year’s Resolution earlier.

(1:25 pm) …I’m too hungover to deal with this right now.

(1:26 pm) Well who’s fault is that?

(1:40 pm) …Hello?

(2:01 pm) Well this was fun.

(Marinette sends a text to the wrong number, and things progress from there until it becomes the right one.)

My thoughts: I’m an absolute sucker for texting fics and this one is no exception!

something happened on the way to heaven by dragonsinparis | 5.4k

When the two heroes discover that Hawkmoth is Gabriel Agreste, Chat Noir throws him out the window for everyone to see.

Adrien Agreste comes to live with the Dupain-Chengs.

Chat Noir vanishes.

Marinette is fine.

At first.

Tandem by BullySquadess | 11k

Two students get carried away in a friendly game of dodge ball.... and two other students get very suspicious. Its a double reveal fic!

My thoughts: another guilty pleasure of mine. I love gym reveals and this one was great

[whatsyourcolor]

Psycho-Pass 3 - Episode 8 review [SPOILERS]

After going through all the stages of grief yesterday, here are my thoughts on episode 8 of Psycho-Pass 3 and of this season overall if anyone cares to read. If you have been reading my other reviews, you have an idea of what this will be, so read at your own discretion. This last episode manifests the vision for the whole season and what they tried to accomplish and how they failed in doing so. I tried summarizing the episode, but got bored, considering the first 20 minutes or so are random clips thrown together with no coherent transitions between them, so I’ll just deal with the aspects that interest me. 

1. Kei breaking bad and the ills of tokenism

Mao confesses her “sins” to Kei which include a lukewarm sense of revenge and a lack of reasonable online practice (such as not trusting people online.) Her story is clumsily connected to the incident where a PSB inspector died and the other one was institutionalized. It would’ve been mildly interesting if Mao had been the active agent in informing Asuzawa of the investigation because of rightful anger at a perceived injustice, causing the death of someone in Division 1 (Irie, for example) and then having a redemption arc where she helps bring the sucker down. But no, we get the story of a coward who got involved with bad people, got scared, and hasn’t followed any of their instructions since, hoping that they’ll forget about her. 

So the writers have her telling this story to Kei, just so that they can justify his ambivalence later in the episode. What if, he too, could get what he wanted? So many ways to plant the seeds of this internal conflict that we now have to explain to ourselves because the writers didn’t have the time for it. Instead Kei frowns, grunts and punches so that we, the viewers, can see he’s upset. But where’s the chipping away at an inherent sense of morality and at his psyche to the point where he’s abating a congressman in his escape? What’s the switch?  Some people say it’s Maiko, even though just one episode before Kei was telling her that they should believe in Sibyl and that her hue will recover. So which is it? Does he trust the system or does he not? Why do we have to guess? Where was all this ambivalence throughout the season? The writers could’ve set up his internal conflict so much better, tie it with the corrupt ideals of the terrorists, show him tempted to go down that path. He’s the immigrant, he’s the one who can offer the point of view that’s so muddled and lazily written for the other immigrants.  

Time to start cooking meth, Kei. 

To add insult to injury, Kei becomes a Fox not because of a deliberate, motivated decision, but because, like Mao, he clicked the wrong link and now he owes them a favor. What if they hand’t spent the whole season demeaning the power of Sibyl, putting it in the background as an inconvenience, instead of a real system of control with real consequences (the, ummm, whole premise of Psycho-Pass)? Just how the whole terrorist plot was rationalized as a way to make Sibyl “pay for its crimes against immigrants,” even though we don’t see what actual crimes Sibyl committed, why it committed them, we don’t even know what Sibyl’s stance is in regards discrimination and xenophobia. Crap on a cracker, we don’t even know why Sibyl deemed that allowing immigrants in was a good idea. They could’ve set up Maiko and Kei as protagonists of this season, giving us their point of view as conflicted immigrants who survived war and famine, who have to dye their hair, answer “yes ma’am,” endure xenophobic insults and be powerless in order to keep each other. Have them lose each other, their own values, their own morality as power appears in the form of an invitation to be a fox and get back at the system. Have Maiko be deemed a latent criminal who’s beyond all recovery be the switch, but that would only work if Sibyl is still the big, bad guy and Bifrost appears as the preferable bad guy in the eyes of Kei.  Give us flashbacks of Maiko and Kei’s traumas together, show us why he’d make the decision to flip to have her back with him. A reason doesn't not equal a motivation. The latter suggest a process, an acquiring of a view through experience, a lie that the character believes or a truth that they hold. “Maiko’s been in jail for a day, so I accidentally became a fox” would be laughable (and believable) if one didn’t care an ounce for this show. 

It seems like the writers wanted the world of Psycho-Pass to be relevant to today’s issues and so they used the topic of immigration to signal that. It worked in the PP Movie (warlords, refugees, etc) because they had kept the same philosophical thread about human will, power and systems of authority since Season 1. The complexities of that dialogue are lost in this season. They wanted to make some characters neutral, such as Karina or Venerable Auma, or the sister or O’Bryan, have them pass as misunderstood or misjudged and have the whole conflict of immigration be a problem that could be resolved if all these people just got together and sang Kumbaya. 

2. Arata is Jesus and Asuzawa is a troll

When you need other characters to remind you of the importance of the protagonist or the villain, it’s perhaps because those characters are poorly written and can’t stand out on their own. When Toyohisa Senguji smokes from a pipe made from the bones of Rikako Oryo, you know the man is the most sinister psychopath that was spawned upon the earth. You don’t need anyone to tell you that. 

Arata seems to have a destiny imprinted on him that he is special, or so we’re told. Sybil wants to integrate him, Mika wants him to stay a detective, the Bifrost is interested in him, his father appeared to be an important dude, yet I can’t think of a single thing he’s done that’s special or unique. He could’ve also have much more of an internal conflict, but we only get hints (yes, even in the last episode) that his dad was a complete prick. It’s never clear beyond “curiosity for humans” what his deal with Karina is and why he gives her a pass, to the point of snubbing Kei, even when Karina is a total hypocrite who fired her immigrant secretary. Yes, the one who threw herself in front of her kidnappers to protect her. 

It happened right after she donated her kidney to me, true, but she did always put too much sugar in my coffee. I can’t have someone like that in my team! 

With Asuzawa something similar happens. He’s called “clever” and “cunning” and we’re meant to believe it. He’s supposed to be deft, predicting the next bend of the road, being two steps ahead of everyone, but that takes time to write, so instead let’s make both the MWPSB and MOFA look incompetent and let’s have Asuzawa be called a “mastermind” just because. The whole mission to capture him is ridiculous. Asuzawa meets the congressman, says he’s going for smokes and never comes back. Kei meets him, helps him escape. Kogami and Ginoza let the pathfinders escape again. The only new revelation we have about him is that he’s an ex-enforcer who was tortured by Arata’s dad. According to Asuzawa’s secretary, Shindo senior used to manipulate people with his powers. 

Who you callin’ Spookie Boogie? I’m known in the commufield as Growly Grumpy. Credit to @azweidos​ 

3. Locking horns for incompetence

Finally the MOFA and the MWPSB meet to share intel on the Bifrost and they know as much as we know, but this meeting was needed because otherwise they couldn’t have inserted Kogami and Gino in the whole mission to tackle Asuzawa. Mika and Frederica are still competing to see which one of them is more obnoxious, while Asuzawa leaves through the front door of the building as if he hadn’t caused 95 of the 100 traffic accidents in Tokyo that year. 

Well, so much for carrying a gun! Not an obstacle for this octogenarian. 

4. In defense of criticism

There’s this general feeling nowadays that criticizing something means you’re spreading negativity, like we’re supposed to be part of a like-minded cult or a mental hive like Sibyl that’s perpetually content, even when given a mediocre product. The problem with this season is precisely that: it’s not bad. It’s perfectly mediocre. And it’s not because the old Division 1 isn’t there. It’s not because Akane is in jail (and we still don’t know why). It’s because they couldn’t deal with the elements that they themselves created for this season. The idea of the world of Psycho-Pass spreading is brilliant, the idea of an elite that’s exempt from Sibyl's judgement is brilliant, the idea of an outsider point of view is brilliant, but they overestimated their own abilities and underestimated their viewers. There’s only so much disbelief and rationale we can suspend before we realize they’re playing us like a fiddle. There’s only so much a villain can grin to hint at us that they knew what they were doing all along. 

Some argue that this is because the creators want to make Psycho-Pass into a franchise as if that means everything and anything is justified to the point of bastardizing the ideas of the show and reaching the point of absurdity where it parodies itself (you think I didn’t notice those Madeleines?) Is the hope of the creators to bury Psycho-Pass into the ground while they laugh their way to the bank? Why should I care about their money, or how much money they hope to make? I care about the end product and that’s what I base my judgement on. 

5. The Shinkane reunion 

See, the creators aren't dumb. They knew they had to bait us somehow because this season alone won’t stand. Not only that, but they know us so well they saved their budget to keep the best quality for this scene. I’ll just paste what I said about it yesterday.

I thought it was sweet how Akane backpedals against the door with a tinge of pleasure on her face, like she wants to hear his voice and feel that he’s on the other side. I loved the smiles they gave to each other and how he comforts her. I think it’s evident this is not the first time he visits her. 

It was lovely. It would’ve been lovelier if it had been tied to the overarching plot of this season, but that plot barely held itself together. So let’s bask on those few seconds we got until they bait us again to watch the 2020 movie. 

[kitreographer]

(TARJEI SANDVIK MOE, CISMALE, HE/HIM) i hear CHRISTOPHER 'KIT' WILLIS has a link to ALL OF THE BANDS. the 22 year old is a CHOREOGRAPHY CONSULTANT, apparently. he’s so PRAGMATIC and GENTLE, but can also be kind of NEUROTIC and CRITICAL. i’m kinda interested in hearing more about them.

it’s carly, back on my bullshit with another oc for y’all. below the cut is gonna be my intro for kit, apologises in advance for how terrible it is.

(tw; homophobia mention, abuse mention, addiction.)

info!!!:

- kit is a southern bby og from oklahoma! he was born there and lived there until he was fifteen. his full name his christopher charles willis jnr whereas his father (of course) is christopher charles willis snr the first.

- his relationship with his dad was never particularly strong. as soon as he started to take an interest in dance? that was it, his dad had had enough. we’re talking bully ellio style parental loathing here but without the redemption arc just yet. it only meant he took it out on kit’s mom and sometimes kit but luckily he got out of there when he was fifteen. things were complicated but things were also better then he wasn’t antagonising the situations.

- so anyway! a lil ballet boy with big dreams, moving out at age fifteen on scholarships to live in ballet academies, eventually ending up in la. what could go wrong? ha. a lot apparently. 

- he had an amazing few years between academies and companies until he was nineteen. nearly twenty. he defied gender stereotypes by consistently performing and teaching pointe. it was one of his biggest goals, to dance en pointe in a romantic role and not the comedic sidekick as a male. he fought for it, he danced at every opportunity, he worked himself to breaking point.

- he was hitting his stride, nineteen, twenty and at pretty much peak age for working his way through companies and building a name and a career. paving his way in the world of dance. that was until a rogue feather from one of the tutus ended up directly underneath the prima’s pointe shoe. light as a feather, stiff as a board, right? at least that’s how it felt as she slipped and took kit down with her. 

- after the accident he ended up having to have surgery on one of his knees and the ankle on the other foot. he was out for months and they told him he would probably never dance in pointe shoes again. it was debatable if he’d even do ballet again

- and here’s where the shame spiral begins

- he spent his twentieth birthday with his phone off, completely out of it on prescription meds and refusing to come out of his apartment. he refused for a while to believe he had an addiction until he realised he could barely string a sentence together some days and still craved more.

- after some meetings and a lot of hard work on his road to recovery, kit is constantly on and off the wagon. however, he has never been as bad as he was. he’s still lowkey (or highkey lmao) in denial and refuses to admit the fact that he was an addict or that he had an issue

- but woah, carly, that’s a lot of angst at once i hear you say. here comes the nicer part of the story so y’all can unbuckle your belts. he’s now settled in la and working as a choreographer consultant! this is where he goes to any and all of the bands to help them with choreography, staging or stage presence. classes on posture or stamina on stage. gym and dance workouts if the person who hires him asks for it. he bartends the rest of the time.

- he teaches some stuff and attends lowkey ballet classes but he just hopes no one recognises him from the accident or the stint in the professional ballet company he was in. he still hasn’t gone back to pointe. he finds contemporary, commercial and hip hop a lot more helpful for his current career.

tldr; actual sunshine human who doesnt swear comes from shitty background, fails as a ballerina and now lives as a recovering addict (which he’d deny) in la. 

connection ideas!!!:

- he’s probably worked with all the bands at some point so maybe a connection based around the work he did with them

- someone who recognises him from the accident report/footage? someone who followed or is aware of his ballet career in the company?

- someone who saw him in the aa meetings or maybe when he was in the hospital/doctor’s office or rehab for his legs

- someone who knew him in oklahoma (childhood friends etc)

- frequenters of the bar! he’s probably served them. so what kind of relationship do they have? do they hate his sunny disposition? do they like him? maybe they’ve confided in him? 

- goes to the same gym/dance classes

- neighbours (someones gonna get sick of his classical music blasting and him knocking stuff over because he’s stretching where he shouldn’t be) 

- roommates

- unrequited feels bc im a sucker for Angst

- his bad influence. someone needs to make this boy colour outside of the lines at some point

[uncleanakin]

What Some Reylos Have to Say on Redemption

woah i just found this post in my drafts O.O

lol i don’t remember when i first started compiling all this meta, but if anyone wants to know, a while ago i posted a thing asking all reylos to give me their ideas/interpretations on redemption (not necessarily in SW, but some ppl talked about SW) and so this is a compliation of the responses i received

since it got long, i put them under the cut

disclaimer: what's written below is just what other ppl say about the subject and doesn’t necessarily reflect my own beliefs/ideas or those of the whole reylo community

here ya go!

@cosetteskywalker:

[R]edemption is not something that you *deserve*. It never is. I’d say it’s a case where you are offered an olive branch (like Christine with the Phantom, Luke with Vader, or the Bishop of Digne with Jean Valjean), and it’s up to you to grab it or to refuse it. Redemption often includes suffering, as a form of atonement.

As for forgiveness… it’s being willing not to hold a grudge for whatever bad deed has been done to you? For me, it doesn’t include a regain of trust. More like waving a white flag, to be honest.

@politicalmamaduck:

Redemption is a long road, a difficult and arduous journey.

Redemption is realizing your mistakes and attempting to atone for them. Redemption is making amends.

Redemption is the power of love, of grace, of salvation.

Redemption is overcoming your guilt.

Redemption is recovery.

@reylorobyn2011:

Hi! Okay as far as redemption I don’t think he will be 100% redeemed. I think he will be partially redeemed and pull from both the light and dark side of the Force to create balance. This has been my theory for a while.

Adam said we will see Kylo’s HUMANITY in episode 8.

Humanity synonyms: compassion, understanding, sympathy.

“You have compassion for her”

“Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi’s life, so you might say we’re encouraged to love.”

Then we have redemption…

Redemption: the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil.

@darth-tantrum:

To me a redemption arc is the atonement for past wrong actions + the restoration of a character into a better place etc etc.

Usually the arc begin with doubt. The villain looks at their actions, has sympathy, has something that changes their perspective, is put into a situation, etc etc. There can be long term overlying doubt that also side branches into denial, but overall there is doubt.

The arc then usually slowly reveals sympathetic characteristics or just generally humanizes the villain to a degree that allows us to begin the blurring of the “Us Vs Them” mentality that occurs when we consume media. Sometimes this part of the arc can have a ‘further fall from grace’ but usually those failings just end up adding fuel to the ‘flames of doubt’ (Villain: I’ve won but I’m not happy. This is not what I wanted at all.)

Then we enter the action phase. The villain does something uncharacteristic of their end desire. Usually the saving of a hero or an act of kindness or camaraderie begins it. I always find that a common goal is a great starter path for heroes and their 'villains’ to begin the mutual empathy scope.

Finally, I believe it ends with the character finding some semblance of peace. Usually the redeemed villains in some way have been wronged by the world as well/have some deep internalized trauma from something and need to heal. The hero aiding in that healing isn’t necessary, but I’m a sucker for it so there.

Granted, what I described above is one type of redemption and unfortunately it’s one of the hardest to pull of well in story telling. There is the redemption via sacrifice too, but…. I’m really not the biggest fan of that strategy because its been used so flimsily that it can feel hollow.

(We shall see, we shall see….)

@i-am-a-factorygirl:

Redemption, in its simplest definition, means the act of saving someone from sin and evil. Forgiveness is simply the pardoning of past transgressions. The two can kind of work together but in total honesty, it seems they would mostly operate on their own.

Both redeem and forgive are actions that are performed upon someone. It is possible for an individual to redeem another, but it is also possible for an individual to redeem themselves. Forgiveness, however, is a different story. Am individual can forgive another, but depending on the situation, it might not be at all possible for an individual to forgive themselves. If an individual is hurt by their own transgressions, then yes, they can pardon themselves. However, they do not get to make that call for other people they might have hurt.

It is possible to redeem someone without forgiving them. This is typically seen as an act of mercy. It is also possible to forgive someone without redeeming them. This can be seen as simply letting go.

So, with all of that out there, let’s talk about Kylo Ren. Do I believe Rey or Luke can redeem him? Absolutely, why the hell not? There’s certainly incentive for Luke to do so, since Kylo Ren is his nephew and the son of his only sister. However, with Rey, as it stands, anything she does for Ren would be an act of mercy. She has no incentive for redeeming him. Personally, I would love to see Kylo Ren redeem himself. Given that he’s in an abusive situation with Snoke, I feel it would be all the more powerful for Kylo Ren to be able to break free of Snoke and free himself from the evils of the First Order by his own free will.

Onto forgiveness. Kylo Ren would need to seek forgiveness from the galaxy at large, but on the personal level, he would need it for sure from Luke, Leia, Poe, Finn, and Rey. Luke and Leia, it’s pretty easy to see where they place blame, so I don’t think it would be too far of stretch to say that they’ll forgive him. Poe and Finn, I’m not sure, we don’t even know if he’ll see them again. As for Rey, well, it depends. Earning her forgiveness will take a lot more work. That’s something for sure he’ll have to go to hell and back for. But, I’m guessing he’s been living in hell for a long time, so giving him something more positive to work for might give him incentive to make the changes he needs and take action against Snoke and the First Order. That is, assuming, he even gives a rat’s ass about Rey’s forgiveness.

She would have to mean something to him in order for him to care. And as of right now, we don’t know what his fascination with her is. Maybe they’re soulmates, maybe they’re soulhates. Who knows? But with Rey being the protagonist, arguably it’s her opinion we should care about the most. She could redeem him in an act of mercy, she could forgive him just to let go and not give in to the Dark side, like we’ve already seen in the novel, or he could redeem himself and she could just let go.

That, however, is not what I see happening. The connection between Rey and Ren has been stressed by J.J. Abrams, Star Wars Databank, and several other sources, and in the commentary J.J. Abrams even said that the story between Rey and Kylo Ren is the one we’re supposed to care about. They’re intertwined, that’s a cold hard fact. As much as I want Kylo Ren to benefit from this story, I also want Rey to benefit. I want her to have reason to forgive Kylo Ren, and I want Kylo Ren to feel the boon of her forgiveness.

@lucidlucy

 For me redemption does not necessarily mean an easy path to the Light, a get out of jail card where he passes GO and collects $200, as it were, which has been the biggest argument against Kylo’s redemption from people.

At the same time I am a firm believer that Kylo’s story is a reversal of Vader’s in many ways.

The reasons for Vader’s fall to the dark side (love and his fear of losing it being a big one of those reasons) might be the reasons for Kylo’s rise from it. If there’s one thing about Love with a capital L is that it is not easy. Whether that is romantic love, or a change of heart on familial love, he’d have to both atone for his sins and earn the trust and love of those from whom he seeks love most. I honestly believe that if Vader could do it despite his extensive list of atrocities, that Kylo can as well.

As to what that atonement can mean, I don’t have the slightest clue. That’s up to Lucasfilm, really, and in the end, I only care about them giving him an emotionally satisfying redemption arc. The nitty gritty how they accomplish that is less of an issue to me right now (so long as it’s not done in like the last 2 seconds of the film). Redemption and forgiveness sort of go hand in hand, but I also think that there are two sides to both redemption and forgiveness. That which is bestowed upon you and that which you bestow upon yourself.

Not to get entirely too biblical, but the concept of forgiving oneself before others can bestow forgiveness upon you is something we’ll have to look at closely with him. Others might eventually forgive Kylo for his actions after he’s earned that forgiveness from them (which is not to be confused with forgetting or excusing said others), but I doubt he’d be able to ever forgive himself.

So then what does redemption mean? He’ll forever have to bear the blame for the things he did, but redemption, in this case, can only mean an acknowledgment of that trouble past while also accepting it as part of Kylo’s history, and still embracing him into the fold then allowing him to take the steps necessary to attempt to fix things. That’s the redemption others can bestow upon him. There was that picture about the shot of Kylo on the bridge and the light shining upon him, about the Force having made its choice even before he’d made his choice to kill Han Solo, so I think that would be the Force extending him the tools necessary to make amends later, the window of opportunity to atone for his sins, which I hope comes with Snoke getting beheaded, to be honest.

The only redemption he can bestow upon himself is to clear his conscience, which again seems a lot more difficult because Kylo seems like the sort of character who bears his cross to a fault, and whatever choice the Force made, the choice he made to kill his father is a pretty heavy cross to bear.

Vader went with a clear conscience when he died, it seems, but I doubt Kylo is slated for a Redemption by Death arc, so it’s not like he can clear his conscience at the drop of a hat on his last breaths on a vague claim of bringing Balance to the Force. And he shouldn’t. Part of why Vader got an easy pass on his redemption is that he spent 2/3rds of the trilogy being a 1-dimensional character, so his 1-dimensional redemption was just as easily accepted. Kylo has had more character development in one movie than Vader got in all of the OT combined, so easy passes of “welp you’re forgiven since you’re dying” don’t fly here. It seems like bringing said balance necessitates that Kylo remain alive, and that will bring him Suffering.

I’m sure there will be PLENTY of Suffering involved in there, which seems like a classically necessary aspect to forgiveness in literature, but Forgiveness of the audience aside (which has no bearing on the actual storytelling here), whatever forgiveness he gains from people like Luke and Leia and Rey, or Finn and even Chewie, that feels like something more nebulous to pin down so early in the game. Maybe the next trailer will hint a bit more at it, but that remains to be seen.

@darcyfitz:

Well, there are some interesting definitions to redemption, which are a bit disturbing as to how they could play out for Kylo. One is the action of regaining or gaining possessions of something in exchange for payment, or CLEARING A DEBT. And Kylo (as far as we know at this point) has some pretty big debts to pay, if only for his father alone. At least he didn’t have a hand in the Hosnian disaster. I truly feel he was innocent in any part of that. But his hands are covered in blood, whether he wanted it that way, or not.

Another is the action of BUYING ONES FREEDOM. Both of these make my heart pound, because all I can think of is Rey and Snoke, especially with the buying One’s freedom. I could totally see Kylo sacrificing himself for Rey if Snoke threatened her, much like Anakin did for Luke. Unless they combined their powers and killed Snoke, I don’t see how it could end well for Kylo (at least living, as Adam Driver said when asked if Kylo survived and he answered depends what you mean by living).

As for forgiveness, the synonyms are interesting as well. Exoneration, clemency, amnesty, and most important where Reylo is concerned, MERCY. That is a huge one right there: Mercy. Rey could very well save his life, his soul, etc. Perhaps forgiveness from Rey would come in the form of Mercy, especially if she holds his life in her hands. Again, I could totally see Snoke pushing Kylo aside to target Rey, but this time not to hurt her but to turn her into his new apprentice. He might grow tired of Kylo’s light, and feel the best way to get what he wants is to snuff out any hope for Kylo to be redeemed. I don’t think Han was the test for Kylo. I think it’s either Leia or Rey. And Rey is Kylo’s mirror image after all: strong, fierce, loyal, fearless, compassionate. LONELY. Only one is filled with more light than dark, yet neither has all light nor all dark. Kylo’s torment could come in the form of losing Rey to the Dark. And sure, we think that would make him froth at the mouth with joy to have her ‘be like him’, but I believe he cares for her because she is inherently GOOD. It’s her LIGHT that calls to him, PULLS him, as he told Vader’s helmet. Not her darkness. I don’t think he wants to turn her to the Dark. That was proven in TFA when he begged her to let him train her. He never said 'I can show you the way to the Dark Side of the Force’. He said 'The ways of the Force’. He sees strength in her that he probably envies, and wants to nurture it.

As with everything Star Wars, there is no black or white anymore, but varying shades of GREY. So forgiveness and redemption might not play out as we’d think, like saying 'I’m sorry/you’re forgiven’. It might be, as Luke said, SO MUCH BIGGER. We must prepare ourselves for anything

@these-are-the-first-steps:

“Redemption” is an ephemeral concept at best. It has no set ‘definition’ because its requirements depend on culture and era. Killing 20 people in the ancient world wouldn’t be nearly as noteworthy as doing it today. In a decentralized world where your village is your entire life, shit happens, and only killing 20 men might seem lightweight even. Whereas today, in a highly regulated society with little need to defend your life on a daily basis for the majority of stable society, death becomes a more profound event, especially given modern technology.

So which one of these extremes would Star Wars more closely fall under? If we break it down as planets representing the old world towns/city-states, that still leaves a decentralized society despite “The Senate” and despite “The Empire/First Order”, because as we see with places like Jakku, galactic law means fuck-all there.

Decentralization means less uniform security means more danger means more justification in defending yourself and having a body count, because frankly everyone in Star Wars seems to have one- even Royalty.

Basically, the Star Wars universe is the wild west, you do what you have to to survive, and nobody questions. Nobody. This goes directly against real-world modern morality where you WOULD question it. But this is why it’s so important to make that distinction: Star Wars is not your world. It’s a different world. It’s outer-space. Your modern morals and squeamish predilections are meaningless there- in fact, they would probably get you *killed* if you didn’t adapt.

A perfect example of this is the show “Farscape” where a guy from our modern-day Earth, through a freak space mission accident, ends up on the other side of the universe and learns that he can’t always talk himself out of situations- he’s got to learn how to fight, and to kill, not just for himself, but to do his part and prove himself to his new hobbled-together family of escaped prisoners. This character by the end of the series goes from comical and curious to hard, jaded, and one who weeps over his lost innocence and over the fact he’s killed. But his Earth-born optimism sees him through and he still doesn’t hesitate to pull the trigger to survive. That’s just life now.

Does this character need a redemption? He’s killed hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions, even though he never asked to be in the position he was put in as some bizarre space outlaw. Instead he tells himself he tries to do one good deed a day and save one life a day- even if it’s his own.

There’s also the ‘Xena Redemption’ which I rather like. Xena merely admits to herself she fucked up and decides to help people and use her old bad-guy connections to her advantage to achieve that help is all she ever did and all she ever needed to wipe her reputation relatively clean (her body count hovers somewhere close to a million). Hell, the only time she ever publicly admitted her wrong-doings was when another bad guy essentially forced her at sword-point to do it. It doesn’t mean by going ‘good’ that she lost her attitude and edge, though.

Otherwise, Xena gets away pretty scot-free besides a few karmic troubles that rear their head (not including the last episode here because Lucy Lawless specifically asked for Xena to go out that way because she thought it’d “be a laugh”, not because she thought Xena deserved it).

Essentially what I’m saying here is that trying to apply modern, regulated-societal morals to space cowboys existing in an entirely different universe is impossible, not to mention boring as fuck. Embrace the lawlessness- embrace the fact that not everybody ‘pays’ for their past. Many people, even in real life, just get to walk away and start over.

I therefore think that creating a laundry list of ‘requirements’ for Kylo to meet in order to be ‘redeemed’ is not only a waste of time but unrealistic. He doesn’t technically have to do or pay for anything- he really technically doesn’t. All he has to do to change himself for the better is decide to do it and then follow through. As much as that might enrage those who vicariously want fictional characters to act as a sort of voodoo doll to absorb all their personal ill-will towards their own RL enemies in a misplaced sense of catharsis, it’s true. Kylo doesn’t have to do a damn thing other than walk through that metaphorical door and declare “I’m done.”

@the-time-of-your-life:

Like his grandfather, he’s probably never going to be forgiven by the galaxy at-large, some of the things he’s done are too far beyond the line. Darth Vader was never really forgiven for the crimes he committed, and in the truest sense, the only person who “forgave him” was his son - not even Leia forgave him.

Redeemed, he’ll probably be - if he lives far beyond that redemption is up in the air.

Forgiven? Probably never.

@red-applesith:

First of all, we need to establish that we’re talking about redemption within the context of storytelling. Stories are not to be taken at face value, something a certain part of Tumblr doesn’t seem to understand. Secondly, it is the reader/viewer who benefits from redemptive arcs, not the character itself.

In the context of a story, redemption is earned and hard to achieve. It exists to remind the reader/viewer that you can fuck up and still turn your life around if you have the courage to admit that you were in the wrong and that you’re ready to become better. In the same vein, the hero’s journey helps individuals to process the emotions they’re experiencing when they’re facing a new, potentially scary, challenge such as growing up, leaving their family, losing their job etc… (”If Luke Skywalker can do it, I can do it too!”)

The mistake is to judge a character’s actions through the lens of our everyday life/our world’s rules; when Kylo killed Han, he didn’t really kill his “father” because Ren and Han are both characters, they are tools used by the storytellers. Fans should blame JJ Abrams for killing off their childhood hero. not hate on Kylo Ren who is a fictional character (better, they should just sit tight and see where the story goes.)

@oldadastra:

It was this very set of questions; What is redemption? What is forgiveness? that brought me here to Tumblr when I was seeking an outlet for the overwhelming feelings I was left with after TFA.

I’m an OT fan who was a huge Hanleia shipper back in the day, but far from being one of those oldtimers who hate Kylo Ren and want to see him gone, Ben Solo’s grim situation broke my heart in a way that felt visceral, real and immediate; I love him like he’s one of my own sons.

TFA has sent me on a long, strange journey trying to understand how people end up committing terrible acts, how they come to awareness of their actions, the toll that sin (a handy word for it that I’ll use in this essay, though I am not a religious person) takes on both victim and perpetrator, and how healing can be accomplished, for everyone involved.    

Forgiveness.

We’ve already seen the first, and most important act of forgiveness in the new saga.

In a fairytale, it doesn’t really matter whether the galaxy at large ever forgives Ben for what he did. Han’s forgiveness matters. Bloodline gave us strong indications that Leia would also forgive her son, though Carrie Fisher’s untimely death has thrown the narrative arc of the saga onto a sad path that can’t truly be made right, as it’s unlikely Ben will ever have a chance to talk to his mother again to express his sorrow and regret (this still bums me out. I wrote some stuff about it while grieving).

(It will never be alright again, but I’m grateful to @artofemmanation for making this drawing).

Forgiveness cannot be earned by the sinner. It is a gesture of grace that can only be given as a gift by the person(s) trespassed against. @englishable wrote a haunting and beautiful short story exploring some of these ideas. Anyone who hasn’t read “The Sword of Prince Hector,” do yourself a favor and check it out.

Redemption

Redemption is the journey undertaken by the sinner to try to atone for past misdeeds. It’s a hard path, and in tragic tales typically ends in a sinner’s death balancing the scales. For any person with an intact moral and ethical framework, committing sin takes a toll; it is a violation of “what’s right,” and it injures the perpetrator as well as the victim.

“Redemption” is such a popular trope that it’s become both shorthand and cliche in pop culture, providing a no-brainer framework for the narrative arc of an anti-hero. @ohtze wrote an exhaustive structural analysis of redemption arcs that’s worth checking out.  

When I began reading on topics related to redemption, I learned about the concept of ‘moral injury;’ the damage done to a person’s sense of self when they take part in acts which violate their own deeply held beliefs. The term was popularized by the work of Jonathan Shay, a therapist working with deeply traumatized veterans. His book, Achilles in Vietnam, is truly amazing and I recommend it to anyone interested in learning more about trauma and how it is healed. Shay emphasizes the importance of community and storytelling in his trauma work, and uses the ancient Greek story of Achilles as an allegorical framework by which moral injury can be understood and addressed.

Others have built on Shay’s work, including Bryan Doerries. In his book, Theatre of War, he describes the process of presenting his new translations of ancient Greek tragedies to contemporary audiences of military personnel, veterans, and their families. It’s a very interesting look into the power of storytelling to ‘make sense of the indescribable.’ If you’re interested in it, pick up the audio book - it’s read by Doerries’ friend and fellow board member at AITAF, Adam Driver.

The questions being addressed by people like Shay are relevant and urgent. While numbers have declined slightly from their peak, about twenty American veterans die by suicide every day, numbers disproportionate to their share of US population. The causes are complex, but there’s clear agreement that unresolved trauma; moral injury, is a contributing cause. In this context, redemption - and finding a way to forgive oneself, is not abstract at all. Redemption paths are as individual as we are, and as universal.

In trying to understand what is going on in the new Star Wars saga, I’ve come to the conclusion that the storytellers are building a redemption tale centered on Ben Solo, and that Adam Driver’s work outside of moviemaking is critical to an understanding of what he and the creators are up to in the Galaxy Far Far Away.

@im-reylo-trash-and-i-dont-care:

Redemption is what Anakin earned, when he saved his son, and killed the Sith Lord. When he realized what a mess he had made, and that he was not going to let his son die/be destroyed by the darkness that had taken hold in his own soul. He proved to Luke that there was still light in himself, and while he couldn’t be saved, he could redeem himself through his sacrifice, dying so that countless others could live, in atonement for all the death and destruction he had wrought on the galaxy.

In a similar way, I think Ren is going to atone for his actions, if not redeem himself. I’d hate to see him die though. I’m hoping he lives through his change from “evil” and darkness, to “good” and light.

@tehanufromearthsea:

For me, I would want to see Kylo brought low, to see the magnitude of the suffering he’s caused so he can understand and accept it, and work to balance the evil he’s done by working for good. In real life, some criminals come out of jail knowing they can’t bring back the dead - but they can teach other young people not to follow the life they once led and believe the lies they once did.

Also, the killing of his father is perhaps not the greatest crime - there can be dynamics within families that are so complex and toxic that patricide becomes a crime of passion, laced with history and emotion, and judged differently to the cold-blooded ordering of a massacre. It’s a different crime, especially if we learn that Snoke is using Kylo’s conflicted relationship to manipulate his decisions.

So what is redemption? Trying to make things right, even knowing healing and balance may never be successful or possible. Forgiveness? That’s complex. Galactic society may never forgive. Leia, if she lives long enough in the story? Ultimately it’s her choice to forgive or not; I’ve seen mothers answer this question, ‘would you forgive your child if….’ She understands the forces and failings that drive Kylo. I think ultimately Rey will understand too, and forgive.

@darthbutterfingers:

What is Redemption and Forgiveness? These two concepts are powerfully linked in a theological sense. Ok so redemption comes up first.

Redemption

The Old Testament concept of redemption related to the paying of a price to either purchase back property or something of value that was lost, free from slavery or captivity, loose from bondage or ransom something or someone. The point being an exchange happened in which something of value (e.g. money) was given to redeem/return/restore/rescue something or someone. The story of Ruth and Boaz in the bible demonstrates one form of this old testament concept of ‘redeeming’. You can read the story here. Deuteronomy 7:8 also gives us another meaning in relation to the Exodus in that God rescued his people from slavery.

but because the LORD loved you and kept the oath which He swore to your forefathers, the LORD brought you out by a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.

In the New Testament redemption is linked to salvation from sin in which humanity’s sins are paid for by the death of Jesus Christ on the cross. To pay the penalty for sin Jesus, innocent of sin, went willingly to the cross to be put to death in the place of humanity, who are guilty of sin. This time the price is paid with a life, his life for ours. Redemption in the spiritual sense represents the rescuing, restoring, returning, redeeming of humanity to God through faith in Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection.

I little while back I posted an analysis in which I explained how the scene of Han solo’s death on Starkiller Base has many parallels to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. It was my argument that this act of murder was in fact the act that kicked off Ben Solo’s redemption. Han Solo paid the price, i.e. died in Ben Solo’s place, for his redemption from the dark side. I’m not going to go over everything I discussed there as this will likely get very long (and you can read the whole thing here).

Ben is essentially lost to the light, held in bondage to the dark side, a captive/slave of Snoke and in need of rescue and restoration to the light. He is in pain and torn apart because he is not where he is meant to be. Ben’s eyes are opened to something when Han dies. He is not strengthened by the act, he is weakened. The most powerful deceptions and the most poisonous doctrines are those that contain a kernel of truth. Snoke has given Ben a kernel of truth about Darth Vader and then smothered it with lies. I liken Snoke to Satan “who was a deceiver and murderer from the beginning.”

So when Ben took his father’s life the opposite of what he expected happened. At some point it’s going to click with Ben that Snoke has lied to him. Even if there is a kernel of truth in what Snoke says, the rest of it is still lies. Think about that cut scene in TFA where Snoke talks about Vader. Snoke casts in a negative light Vader’s turning away from the dark side to save his son. A kernel of truth covered in a bunch of lies.

Think of the smashed mask in the TLJ trailer. Has Ben’s eyes been opened to Snoke’s deception. Understanding what is ‘truth’ is part of redemption. Once Ben Solo realises how Snoke has deceived him…kinda funny (in a cosmic force joke kind of way) that Snoke encouraged Ben to do the one act that in the end will be the act that rips the wool away from his eyes. Although to start with he’s kind of in denial (and goes running after Rey so he doesn’t have to think about Dad), that won’t last.

So, redemption means someone paid the price for someone else who is lost, captive, under bondage and in need of rescue – this is Ben’s current position under Snoke. Han Solo paid the price for his son’s redemption. He gave up his life and allowed Ben to see the truth about Snoke, about himself, and about his father. The light of his father’s love, proved through his sacrifice, now light’s Ben Solo’s path out of darkness/bondage/slavery under Snoke. The bedrock for Ben Solo’s redemption has now been laid.

Forgiveness

The Merriam Webster Dictionary states that to forgive “implies that one gives up all claim to requital and to resentment or vengeful feelings.” The original Greek definition related to “a letting go, a release, a pardon”, “releasing from debt”, “a remission of penalty”. Are we getting uncomfortable yet? Sounds like we could be letting Ben off the hook for his evil deeds.

Here are a few other things I dug up on forgiveness:

Micah 7:18-19 NIV 18 Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. 19 You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

We go on about compassion in Star Wars that it’s love. Well here is a practical application of love and compassion – forgiving someone who has done something you hate. Can you pardon Ben Solo? Can you let go of feelings of resentment and vengeance towards him for murdering someone you loved, someone he loved too.

What about this verse. Hebrews 10:17 NIV Then he adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.”

Should we forget what Ben Solo has done? Sounds like it. But wait – there’s more.

Matthew 6:14-15 NIV 14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Ouch. Hmmm, let’s think about this. They all seem to be killing each other in Star Wars. I’m pretty sure Leia killed people in just about every star wars movie, although I’m not sure about TFA – O, wait, she did order the attack on Starkiller that would have killed people. Han Solo killed plenty of people. Luke too. And Rey, I definitely saw her knock off a few storm troopers. Not to mention Obi-Wan and Vader and we like to forgive them too. But surely it doesn’t smack of hypocrisy to deny Ben Solo forgiveness – does it? They’ve all done bad things. If Ben were to be denied forgiveness then they should all be denied forgiveness.

Are we counting in the Emperor and Snoke here as well? Yes, well there are a few more concepts integral to forgiveness that we need to discuss to make things a little clearer. Let’s keep going for now.  

Ephesians 1:7 NIV “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.”

It seems to be that redemption and forgiveness are linked. You can’t have one without the other. The redemption and forgiveness of Ben Solo are dealt with together. To be redeemed Ben must first be forgiven and if Ben is forgiven then he is essentially redeemed. Yes, we’ll talk about this some more yet.

Colossians 1:13-14 NIV 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Ok so here we link rescuing from darkness with redemption and forgiveness. Again it reads like redemption and forgiveness are two parts of the same thing. I’m getting the feeling that for Ben Solo to be redeemed he needs to be rescued from darkness and forgiven.

Acts 3:19 NIV Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,

Why did I add this one? If forgiveness is to mean anything repentance must come first. What’s repentance? Basically owning what you did and being sorry for it. Not just the consequences but the act itself.

Two scenarios:

1) Ben Solo kneels before his mother and asks her to forgive him because if she doesn’t then he’ll be unhappy for the rest of his life. He reminds her that she essentially created his abandonment issues and wasn’t there for him. He was just doing what he thought was right at the time.

2) Ben Solo kneels before his mother and confesses to her all the bad things he’s done, including murder, especially the murder of his own father (and any other acts that, so far, have been poorly defined in his backstory). All of these things he has done were wrong and he was not justified in any way in doing what he did. He regrets everything he has done because he has hurt all the people he loves as well as himself, and many other innocent parties. He has also gone against the good and right things she taught him. He wants to be a different person because he hates who he has become, even though he can never take back what he’s done. He doesn’t demand her forgiveness he just wants her to know that if she chooses to forgive him, he is going to strive to be a different and better person. If she doesn’t forgive him he will still strive to be a different and better person.

Ben Solo number 1 was never really sorry. In fact he sounds demanding, manipulative and self-righteous. Forgiveness for Ben Solo number 1 would be a meaningless concept because he didn’t take that initial step of repentance, being truly sorry. So there is no forgiveness and there is no redemption. Snoke and the Emperor fall in this camp too. We know the Emperor wasn’t sorry about anything and I’m pretty sure Snoke won’t be either.

Ben Solo number 2 sounds like he was forgiven even before he stopped speaking. Oh and I added something else there as well. Confession. Admitting to everything you’ve done wrong and owning it as being wrong. Do Leia, Han, Luke, Rey, Obi-Wan and Vader all have regrets, things they’re sorry about and wish they hadn’t done? I’d say yes. Another important thing is the desire to change. A desire to be a better person. This speaks of a change of heart – another important step in the redemption process. Will we see a change of heart in Ben Solo? We did with Vader. At the end of ROTJ we see a stunning change of heart. What was the conflict that Luke could feel within Vader? Could it be accepting he was wrong? That compassion for his son and saving him from the Emperor was right and that he had to let go of all his power to do that. We accept that Vader had a change of heart and we want to forgive him for what he did because we see in his actions enough to make up for what he has done.

John 15: 13 NIV Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Or his son. Vader showed the greatest love. He died to save his son. Surely this is the mark of a true Jedi, self-sacrificing love.

However, Bloodlines and TFA itself show that just forgiving someone doesn’t take away the consequences of what they have done. Luke forgave his father and in Luke’s eyes his father redeemed himself by his actions. The consequences kept going though.

Summing it up

Ben Solo is currently lost, from the light and from his family, in bondage and/or slavery to Snoke and the dark side and is in need of rescuing. Han Solo’s death laid the foundation for his redemption by revealing some painful truth’s to Ben. A big one being that Snoke has deceived him. Understanding the truth of the matter and your own wrongdoing is part of the redemption process. Redemption and forgiveness are linked as both are necessary for each other. Confession and repentance are prerequisites for forgiveness and redemption. A change of heart is evidence that forgiveness and redemption have done their work. Our problem now is that we don’t know the rest of the story yet. We don’t know what Ben’s next steps will be in relation to these events. I’m hoping Ben will turn away from the lie that is Kylo Ren and the deceptions Snoke has fed him. When he does that his redemption will take another step forward. We must wait and see now if he admits and owns what he’s done wrong for forgiveness and redemption to take place and what kind of change of heart there will be as a result.

And there you have it, folks! I’d write my own interpretation of redemption and forgiveness but I wanted to just post this asap bc it has been in my drafts for too long lol

if you want to add your own ideas, reblog and put em below! I’ll try to update this post if/when more ppl add on

[techcrunchappcom]

New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/trumps-white-house-rally-fails-to-evoke-adulation-fromstony-faced-reporters-the-guardian/

Trump's White House rally fails to evoke adulation from stony-faced reporters - The Guardian

After turning the south lawn into a convention stage last month, Donald Trump held a surprise press conference-cum-campaign event on Monday at the White House’s front door – where Jackie Kennedy wore black on the day of JFK’s funeral, and where the Obamas greeted their successors on inauguration day.

On a glorious late summer’s day, Trump’s vantage point behind a presidential lectern at the north portico afforded him a view of former president Andrew Jackson’s statue in Lafayette Square and, beyond that, the newly minted Black Lives Matter Plaza. Give him a second term in November, and perhaps he’ll install a golden escalator like the one he descended in at Trump Tower to launch his first campaign.

Despite the lofty surroundings, the president dropped all pretense of rising above the political hurly-burly. Over 46 minutes, he branded his Democratic presidential election rival, Joe Biden, “stupid”, falsely accused Biden and his running mate Kamala Harris of peddling anti-vaccination conspiracy theories, and unleashed a torrent of half-truths and non-truths.

But unlike the loyalists on the south lawn for the convention speech, or the devotees who gather at Trump’s increasingly frequent airport-hangar rallies, there was a stony silence from mask-wearing reporters sitting under columns, ornate carvings and a giant lamp on the White House driveway.

The perennial salesman, Trump wanted to use Labor Day to boast about economic recovery. The numbers are “terrific”, he said. “We are in the midst of the fastest economic recovery in US history,” he claimed. Some 10.6m jobs had been added since May, he said, though he did not acknowledge nearly half the jobs lost in the pandemic had still not returned.

Of the recovery, he said: “We have V-shape. It’s probably a super-V.” No mention of the more than 100,000 small businesses that shut down or the unemployment benefits that had expired for millions of Americans. As for his claim about the pandemic – “We are an absolute leader, in every way” – well, no one can dispute that America has the highest caseload (more than 6.2m) or the highest death toll (more than 189,000) in the world.

Biden and Harris “should immediately apologise for the reckless anti-vaccine rhetoric that they are talking right now, talking about ‘endangering lives’”, Trump charged, after Harris said she would rely on the decisions of public health officials and medical experts for news on a Covid-19 vaccine rather than the president.

“It undermines science, and what happens is all of a sudden you’ll have this incredible vaccine and because of that fake rhetoric, it’s a political rhetoric, that’s all that is, just for politics,” Trump said.

He added later: “The numbers are looking unbelievably strong, unbelievably good. So now they’re saying, ‘Wow, Trump’s pulled this off, OK, let’s disparage the vaccine.’ That’s so bad for this country. That’s so bad for the world to even say that, and that’s what they’re saying.”

Yes, the man who said the coronavirus would “just disappear”, suggested injecting bleach as a cure and dismissed the climate crisis as a hoax accused his opponents of undermining science. Perhaps Neil deGrasse Tyson should moderate the first presidential debate later this month.

Despite the White House trappings, this was a campaign event in disguise. Biden and the “radical socialist Democrats would immediately collapse the economy”, Trump warned darkly. “You’ll have a crash the likes of which you’ve never seen before.”

Biden wants to demolish the energy industry, he went on ever more fancifully, and will cause more electricity blackouts in California. “He wants to have things lit up with wind.”

There was also a long diatribe about trade. China, he said, “took advantage of stupid people. Stupid people. And Biden’s a stupid person. You know that, you’re not gonna write it, but you know that … If Biden wins, China will own this country.”

After more than 20 minutes of darkness, doom and fearmongering, the president said, rather unconvincingly, “Happy Labor Day, everybody!” and then took questions, trying and failing to get the first reporter to remove his mask (“If you don’t take it off, you’re very muffled”).

Naturally, Trump was asked about the Atlantic magazine’s report that he had disparaged dead soldiers as “losers” and suckers”. Though several former Trump administration officials have said the report chimes with their knowledge, the president described it as a “totally made-up story” and demanded: “Who would say a thing like that? Only an animal would say a thing like that.”

Voter suppression: how Trump is undermining the US election – video explainer

Trump also claimed that he was “taking the high road” by not meeting House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer to discuss a coronavirus stimulus package. “I don’t need to meet with them to be turned down,” he said.

“They don’t want to make a deal because they think if the country does as badly as possible … that’s good for the Democrats. I am taking the high road. I’m taking the high road by not seeing them.”

Then someone lit the blue touchpaper by asking about the Russia investigation. “They spied on my campaign, and that includes Biden and Obama!” Trump fumed, suddenly animated by the conspiracy theory. “If we did what they did, you would have many people in jail right now.”

And when asked if he would support an investigation into allegations against Postmaster General Louis DeJoy, the president added: “Yeah, if something can be proven that he did something wrong, always. They’ve been looking at me for four years, they found nothing.

“Four years, think of it. For four years. From the day I came down the escalator, I’ve been under investigation by sleaze. And they found nothing. They found nothing. A friend of mine said you have to be the most innocent, honorable man to ever hold the office of president.”

Trump also spared some venom for Harris, insisting that “she will never be president, although I have to be careful because Obama used to say that about me, so I have to be a little bit careful. But you have to look at her a little bit more closely because obviously Joe’s not doing too well.”

Polling, however, shows Biden continuing to enjoy a steady lead on Trump. Standing at the front door of the White House two months before election day, the president sounded like a desperate man, as if firing a machine-gun in all directions like Al Pacino’s Tony Montana under siege at his luxury mansion in Scarface. The election might go the same way.

[bethadastra]

Hi! This is your gift giver for holiday cheer! I've been poking around your blog (I love it) and I was wondering if you could give me a bit more information about your Shepard & Garrus and your Ryder & Kandros pairings. What does one partner like the best about the other? What drives them crazy about each other (in good ways and in bad)? What are their favourite colours? Looking ahead 5 years in their lives, where would they be? When/how did they fall in love? Details and rambles are great! Thx!

Oh man… you better fasten your seatbelt, because I’m about to hit the FTL button on this. I think I should give some in-depth background on myLiz/Garrus headcanon, because I have a ton of content in my head for them, and a lot of important relationship developmenthappens after the Reaper war… As for Sara Ryder & Tiran Kandros, their section is much shorter, and at the bottom of the post.  *Be warned,Liz got loaded with a ton of angst because I love watching my beloved OCsuffer.

Liz is an Earthborn, Ruthless, Renegon soldier thateventually chose the Destroy ending (and lived to tell the tale, though at agreat cost).

Liz falls head over heels for Garrus during ME2, becausetreats her as an equal, but she doesn’t dare hint at her feelings until rightbefore Garrus returns to Palaven and she turns herself in to the Alliance. Garrushas feelings too, but he denies it for most of the suicide mission, and chalksit up to a twisted sense of hero worship. They have an emotional conversation abouthow Liz needs to “pay her dues” and Garrus blurts out that she should considerbeing selfish for once in her life (though by this time, its too late for herto turn back, and she can’t say or do anything to tell Garrus that shereciprocates his feelings). It isn’t until they “review protocol on reunions”in ME3 that they fully confirm that they are in love with each other, and theyare pretty inseparable at that point. They don’t talk about being together orhave PDA around others, but they don’t go to extreme lengths to hide theirrelationship either.

Garrus and Liz sneak away and elope at the end of theCitadel party in ME3, but because everyone else was drunk and galactic law doesn’trequire witnesses, nobody on the Normandy besides the happy couple knows, andthe end of the Reaper war happens so quickly after that they never have achance to tell anyone. Garrus doesn’t even tell anyone after the final battle,out of anger and grief. I’d like to note that they were both wearing theirfatigues when they signed their certificate, because Liz is just not adress-wearing character.

After choosing Destroy, Liz is severely injured, and as aresult, has retrograde amnesia for many months, and loses her left arm. Whenshe wakes up, she initially believes that she is still 17 years old andescaping the Reds to join the Alliance, and is very confused by the state ofthe universe and why a hulking, scarred turian is at her bedside. Garrus staysby her side the entire time during her many months of recovery, and neverbrings up the fact that they had a relationship until she begins having dreamsof moments they shared together mixed with more traumatizing memories. Heeventually reveals everything and reproposes, and they elope again (no fancy white dress or weddingceremony for this gal, nope!), and he may or may not get a good fist to theface when he reveals the truth because Liz is still a renegade deep down. Solong story short, looking ahead 5 years, Garrus and Liz will relearn their entire relationship, and work together to heal their physical and psychological wounds.

Now, on to happier things!! Liz loves seeing Garrus when heis nervous and behaves in a very tender fashion, because he came across assomeone very brash and confident when they first met, and no matter how oftenthey butt heads, he is always very gentle and respectful of her wishes. Garrus,on the other hand, loves her for how selfless she is. Her unwavering sense ofduty might come off as cold to others, but it is admirable to him, and Garruswishes that he could say “What else do you need me to do?” as genuinely as shedoes.

Things that drive them crazy….. Hm. Both Liz and Garrus arestubborn to a fault, so that drives them both nuts. I think for Garrus, heloves Shepard’s hands. He loves watching her alien fingers give signs on thebattlefield, how quickly she can clean and assemble a rifle, and all the thingsshe does when they… you get the idea. Garrus hates how she rarely goes intodetail about why she makes many of the choices that she does. He knows he needsto trust her, but it just about kills him when she orders him to staybehind.  It drives Shepard crazy whenGarrus teases her for her itty bitty 5’3” height (and he does it solely becausehe knows it’ll ruffle her feathers in a good way). Also, there is somethingabout all of Garrus’ terrible dad jokes that Liz just loves. Like, she doesn’tlaugh easily but he somehow knows how to get past her guard. When Garrus learnsthis, he makes an extra effort to make her laugh in front of other Alliance officialsjust to see the look of shock on their faces.

As for colors, Liz loves a deep, dark green that I guesswould sit somewhere between olive and pine. Her armor is that color. Garrusused to stick to C-Sec blue, but after the Reaper war, he wore lots ofsilver/grey because Liz called him a “silver spirit” while still affected byamnesia.

Whew! Hope that all hasn’t scared you off yet.

As for Sara Ryder & Kandros, their story is still verymuch a work in progress. For how they met and a taste of their personalities,you can check out my AO3 (under the same url) for the story On And Off The Mat.Sara doesn’t have the strongest connection with her family, and finds a lot ofsolace in Tiran. This results in a ton of quickies that mostly occur afterstressful missions. Things are just physical between them up until Ryder triesto go after Meridian, and gets shot down by the administration. Sara’s a bit ofa hothead, and struggles with communicating her emotions, so it comes down tothis public argument turning into a confession of her feelings with Tiran inprivate. Tiran becomes aware of his own feelings when the Charlatan is revealed and battles Sloane & Ryder. He becomes very protective of her, but the L word isn’t brought up until right after the battle on Meridian, and he is helping her with her wounds.

In both a good and bad way, Tiran’s ability to call Sara outon her bullshit drives her crazy. She definitely appreciates the fact thatTiran can see right through her. She doesn’t have to put on an act around him,and he often knows what she needs before she knows it herself. Sara hates howTiran’s obedience to the Initiative allows Tann to walk all over him. Tiran, onthe other hand, has been a really hard nut for me to crack in developing his character.I think Sara drives him crazy in the way that theres just so much about herthat throws him for a loop. Like, it’s always a surprise when she shows up froma mission, and she asks questions that surprise and baffle him. I think he alsohas some self-confidence issues, so anytime Sara puts her trust in him or callshim out on his own bullshit, he questions himself.

Sara loves the turquoise color of the Initiative logo and noit has nothing to do with the fact that Tiran’s eyes are the same color. Tiranlikes sunset orange (ie the lights on his armor) and for some pretty obviousreasons, he becomes particular to chestnut brown.

I wish I could say for sure where I want them tobe 5 years down the road, but I’m a sucker for building on canon lore, andwould be shamefully butthurt if a sequel game came out and Tiran still didn’tget to be a squadmate. I do like imagining that Tiran gets a chance to settlehis differences with Sloane, Sara is able to formally retire from the role ofPathfinder, and that the two of them either make up their own little APEX team,or go off and do freelance work on Kadara or Eladaan. No matter what theirfuture holds, it will be full of sassy comments and live up to a solidExplicit rating.

I’ll be posting more (mostly drawings) of my Liz & Sara, so hopefully all of this helps! If this massive text monstrosity didn’t fully satisfy you, feel free to ask me more questions!

[scriptmedic]

Character gets stabbed or shot in a spot "not immediately lethal, BUT CONCERNING" (suggestions for wound location?); she rejects the hospital option, but her buddy has medic training, access to basics like gauze/antiseptics + a shot at getting "proper supplies" within 2-4 hours - what should Buddy be asking for, assuming "anything a person could sneak out of a hospital" (e.g. drugs, tools) is on the table for this otherwise austere treatment - and can Character ultimately survive, do you think?

Hey there @vorpalgirl! Interesting scenario, and pretty common in fiction! 

I’m going to suggest the chest -- not in the middle, not right under the clavicle, but maybe a puncture that goes into the lung -- as an injury. The reason I say that is that there are both immediate things that can be done in the field by any competent medic, and advanced things that are risky but could very well help. 

So I’ve talked before about a tension pneumothorax, but it’s going to  make a reprisal here. It’s what happens when a lung collapses -- the chest wall is punctured, the lung might be bleeding, but air also builds up in the space around the lung, which keeps the lung from inflating. It’s a great piece of drama, and it can be fixed by any idiot medic (coughcough I have done the thing). 

Your medic character will need to acquire: A chest tube tray (with a pigtail), a scalpel, some Betadyne (iodine), some sterile gloves. They will also need, in the moment, a Big Honking Needle (a 14ga IV needle will do) to decompress the chest immediately. As for medications, a prophylactic course of antibiotics (a bottle of pills from a pharmacy would be great, IVs are less ideal but still fairly easy) and -- you knew this was coming! -- a bottle of ketamine. (Putting in the pigtail is going to hurt, and an injection of ketamine enough to space her out and manage her pain will be quite useful for putting it in.) Alternatives would be some other controlled substance, like midazolam or diazepam, to keep her calm during surgery, or a little fentanyl or morphine to ease the pain. (Ketamine does both sedation and pain control.) 

So let’s walk this through in stages. (I have quite a bit of info coming at some point on the Phases of Injuries in Fiction, but for now we’ll just use them and I’ll explain them later). 

Injury: Your character is stabbed in the chest and immediately starts having real trouble breathing. 

Immediate Treatment: The medic covers the stab wound with a piece of plastic, taped on three sides, which can be “burped” to let air out. If that doesn’t work, they take a needle and poke them to deflate the air built up around the lung. 

Definitive Treatment: This character is getting what’s called a pigtail. A chest tube tray and tubing is what they’ll need, along with a drain to water. (I suggest the Thief character brings a BIG shopping bag, like an IKEA bag, to go visit their friends in the ER with.) They’ll also need a scalpel. And the Medic might want to spend some time on YouTube learning exactly how to put this sucker in. (Basically, there’s a cut made in line with the armpit at the 4th or 5th space between the ribs.) The tube goes in, when air comes out, the tube gets stitched into place, and the end of it goes to drain, which is sealed with water. 

Rocky Road to Recovery: These are the complications. Your character is basically chained to a chest drain. But they also need to be walking as soon as possible. How does this affect their life? What can go wrong? What’s going on in the world that your character can’t do, or has to do differently, because of their current state? 

Big Test: How does this affect your plot? Does your wounded character have to accomplish a big task before they’re ready? (This is really useful for heightening drama, if they have to do something at the story climax while still recovering.) 

New Normal: After about a week the pigtail can come out and the  wound sutured, and in a few weeks they’ll be back to normal. (No airplanes for six weeks after the pigtail comes out.) They should get back to full functioning and lung capacity after this time. 

As for survivability, yes, your character can survive this A-okay-no-problem. 

I hope this helped!!! 

xoxo, Aunt Scripty

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