#what can I do to help others with depression

[back2bluesidex]

Slide - The Ultimate Decision - MYG

Pairing: Producer!Yoongi X Lyricist!Reader 

Theme: Angst, smut, unplanned pregnancy. Fwb to ?

Word count: 2.2k+

Summary: 

"I can't feel my legs Hop right on the ledge, jump right off the edge"

Alternatively, 

Worst decisions are always driven by anger and alcohol; but sometimes those are also driven by Love.

Warnings: so much angst, reader's inner turmoil, unplanned pregnancy, yoongi is making things worse, Hoseok is the doctor but he is not to be shipped with the reader here, he is a catalyst though, pining, so much pining.

Listened to Slide by Chase Atlantics

Minors do not interact!!

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Patreon (for early access)

A/N: The next chapter from the present timeline.

Taglist requests are closed for now

Read the next chapter

You fumble with your phone, scrolling down numbers after numbers but can’t find a single contact you can call at a time like this. 

The pregnancy testing kit lies on your left hand as if it has been tattooed on your skin. For some reason, you don’t feel dread creeping up through the path of your neck. 

Should you cry? Should you call Yoongi and curse him to your heart’s content? Should you ask him to take the responsibility when he is about to start living his old happy life again? 

Probably you should. 

But the thing is… you can’t bring yourself to do any of those. 

You don’t even know what you should feel or what you need to feel at a moment like this. 

You don’t even have any idea of what’s going to be your next move. 

Will you keep the baby? Or will you choose to abort it? 

But before everything, you should consult with someone, who is wiser than you. 

Your fingers hover above your mother’s contact ID, even though you know your calls are going to go unnoticed, unanswered, ignored as if you never came out of her womb. 

And things will turn even uglier if she answers your call and you manage to tell her what you have done to yourself, more or less willingly. 

So you let your phone fall limp on your lap. 

How funny - you have absolutely no one to confide in. no family, no friends, no one. 

As soon as the realization hits, your eyes start turning blurry. 

Tear drops escape one by one, dampening your cheeks, throat, collarbones. You caress your stomach. 

“What do I do now?” the mumble comes out choked. And then you are thinking of him again. 

How he cried in his sleep the first time you brought him here with you. How he repeated his actions again during his last visit here. 

Both of the time you stood on the sidelines, the center of his universe has always been Gyuri. 

In the end, though, you have been the one affected - with blooming warmth in your chest and in turn a presence of life in your womb. 

As you think of Yoongi, your mind runs back to the man who had helped you in picking him up from the streets. 

You still remember, his card said he was an obgyn. 

Your tears cease. 

Yes. As much as you need a friend or family right now, you need an expert too. 

Standing abruptly from your bed, you run toward the other side of it, reaching out for the night stand, where you had kept the man’s card more than a year ago. 

You don’t have to struggle much to find out the card, it’s there as if it has been waiting to be found all these times. 

Holding the card in your hand, opens the flood gate of fresh memory of that night, of Yoongi’s dirty face, vomit all over his clothes and him holding you tightly in his sleep. 

That was the first and last time. 

He never held you for a second time, unless you were having sex. 

Pushing down the depressing thoughts, you grab your phone and with swift fingers dial the number of the man - Jung Hoseok. 

The clock reads 9 pm on a Wednesday night. And you pray, this is not past his business hours, he has no such mentions in the card as well. 

The universe seems to grant your prayer this time, probably out of sheer pity, as the man accepts the call on the fourth ring. 

“Hello, It’s Dr. Jung Hoseok, how can I help you?” The man speaks with a professional tone that sets you on an unexplainable ease. 

“Hi, uh, I am sorry to call you like this but I had managed to get my hands on your card and I think I need your help. I, um, I’m pregnant. And I think I need an appointment.” your hands start sweating now when you realize all of it is real. You are pregnant with the baby of a man who doesn’t love you. 

Pathetic. 

“How many weeks are you?” the man asks with the same professional pronunciation. 

“I don’t know. I just found out a few minutes ago. This is my first time and I don’t know what to do.” you speak honestly. 

These are the same words you want to confess to a friend, to your mother as well and most importantly to Yoongi. But talking to a stranger, about how helpless you are, is much less nerve-wracking. 

“You are not a teenager, are you?” he speaks, suspicion laced in his voice. 

A sudden chuckle leaves your throat, “I’m twenty seven.” 

The other side of the line only hums and then after a beat he says, “we usually don’t accept appointments made via phone calls but I can guide you on how to book one. If that’s okay with you?” 

“Anything is okay with me.” 

And you are not lying. At this hour, alone in your apartment, robbed off options, in the lack of a confidant - any assistance is okay with you. 

Any assistance is fine if that means you will be able to figure out what you are going to do with a baby in your womb, gifted by the man whom you let destroy yourself for the sake of love. 

The appointment is due at 3 in the afternoon and right now the clock is at 1:26. 

The hospital is an hour's drive away, hence, if you leave now, you will still have a 30 minutes on your hand. 

But the problem is that you didn’t inform anyone formally about this secretive appointment. Applying an official leave would raise questions about the nature and reason of the appointment and you don’t want that. 

You want to protect this truth with every drop of blood your body owns. 

So, you decide to quickly drop by Namjoon's office and tell him you need the rest of the day off for some emergency. 

For a matter you know Namjoon is not privy enough to inquire about the so-called emergency. 

Much to your dismay, your plans shatter like a porcelain vase as soon as you open the door of Namjoon’s office. Because one, there is no Namjoon, two, there is Min Yoongi. 

Yoongi’s expression mimics yours as he takes you in, standing there, staring at him as if he didn’t fuck you raw and left you with consequences just a month ago. 

But then again… a month of radio silence, a month of stolen glances, a month of no skin contact, a month of no Min Yoongi was more painful than you’d dare to admit. 

Your heart thumps inside your chest as you realize, you are standing in front of the man whose baby is currently in your womb. 

You are carrying a baby! And that’s Min Yoongi’s! Screams your mind at the loudest possible volume. 

But still, by some miraculous strength, you manage to smile at him.

A casual, nonchalant smile as you are used to. 

Except this time, Yoongi doesn’t smile back. 

He looks at you with eyes so deep that you fear you will succumb to them yet again if you stay here for a moment longer. 

“Where’s Namjoon?” you get straight to the point, without wasting your time in any greeting. 

“Y/N. Wait.” but you have always been weak to the way Yoongi calls your name. This time, you are hearing it after what feels like an eternity. 

“He went out to escort a guest.” Yoongi says, flatly, his tone devoid of any emotions. It’s tough to believe he cried in your arms a month ago.

“Oh. Then can you please let him know that I have an emergency and I have left for the day? Thank you.” you don’t wait for his reply as you start turning your heels to run away already. 

His voice works like glue and stops you in your tracks. You are now unable to move. A cold, calloused palm comes in contact with your upper arm, forcing you to face the man. 

When you face him, you see his face and expression has softened. The stoic expression is now gone and you are afraid of what to make out of it. 

This is not pity, is it? 

“How are you? It’s been so long- I wanted to see you but-” 

“But there is no reason to do so, right?” you finish his sentence for him, “I am fine, Yoongi. How are you? How’s Gyuri?” 

“All good.” he ignores the mention of the woman, "What's the emergency? Are you alright?” He places the back of his palm on your forehead, checking your body temperature. 

Your eyes fill to the brim. You need to leave right now or you will start crying. 

“I- I’m fine.” you lie, removing his hand from your skin, “it’s just something personal.” 

Yoongi frowns at that “oh. You can tell me. If you need any he-” 

“I can take care of it myself, Yoongi. You have a life to lead, you have better days ahead now, why would you even care about me? I was just a fleeting chapter anyway. Please- please don’t act like our time together meant anything to you. Please, I beg.” try as you might, you couldn’t contain it anymore. 

Just like you, Yoongi, too, is taken aback with your outburst. Though his eyes are kind, if you dare to add, then those might as well be in pain. 

But his next words only break you further, “wasn’t it a given? A silent agreement that our time together wouldn’t mean much to any of us?” 

Is he challenging you? Trying to elicit a further reaction? Is it a knife to dig more in your fresh wounds? 

If yes, then you will do everything to disappoint him. 

You nod, “Yeah. You are right. Forget I have said anything. Bye.” 

Yoongi opens his mouth to say something but you are faster than his words. Before he manages to say a word, you are out of the door and shutting it on his face. 

He is cruel. 

He has always been. 

But you still love him. 

You have always had. 

The fact that Yoongi can be a little heartless has never been a shock to you. 

Nevertheless, it didn’t harm you any less when he let those careless words out of his mouth. Then again, you can not even blame him because you had been the one to place your heart in his hands and asked him to play with it. 

In the end, it’s your fault. 

And you are already paying the price in more ways than one. 

“Miss Y/N?” a nurse calls your name, pulling you out of your miserable thoughts, “you can go in now.” 

With a bow and a forced smile you leave the waiting area and enter the OPD room. 

A man is sitting at the desk, with his scrubs and white coat on, the nameplate on the table says he is the one who helped you out that night. He is Jung Hoseok. 

You failed to look at his face that night, being too busy with tending Yoongi. But now that you are looking at him, he seems to be the embodiment of everything that’s positive, light, bright - much unlike you (or Yoongi for that matter). 

His eyes light up as he takes you in, with a big smile he says, “oh? You are Miss Y/N? I remember you clearly. Please take the seat.” 

You wonder how it's even possible to recall you after seeing you once, that too a year ago, “You do?” 

“Yes. I still remember that night and your friend.” He mentions Yoongi.

If he sees the man’s mention dims you even further then he doesn’t say anything but he chooses to change the topic right away, “have you filled the form?” 

“Yes.” you hand him the piece of paper. 

He goes through it all at once, probably having everything memorized, but his eyes get stuck at one point. And you have an idea what it can be. 

“As I can see, you have not added anyone as your closest contact?” he says with a careful tone.

“Yes.” you reply briefly. 

“You need to add one person at least, maybe a friend, or a family, or the father of the baby.” he suggests. 

“I- No one knows about this just yet. I don’t have any immediate friend or family who could help me out.” your hands are now shaking. 

“Sorry to pry, but what about the father of the baby?” Jung Hoseok leans a little further on the table, as if trying to measure your facial expressions. 

“He is unaware of the situation.” 

“Are you sure you want the baby?” he voices in the softest possible tone anyone has ever used against you. 

“Yes. I want to keep the baby.” and that’s it. If the baby is one last proof of what Yoongi had with you for no less than a year, if the baby is a proof that Yoongi had once held you, cried in your arms, dipped inside you to forget his own complications, then you want to keep it. 

And this will be your ultimate decision no matter what anyone else says. 

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[gossippool]

what do you recommend for people who are very new to deadpool comics and looking to get into them?

hiii thank u for asking!! this is kind of a complicated question because there's no right answer really. especially with deadpool, there's no actual best starting point because besides the basic origin story that he was experimented on, everything else about him is fair game (he just lies all the time and has false memories about his past) and so all the comics are different and pretty much standalones. but here's a list of a few comics depending on what you want to explore (i have not read every deadpool comic ever so this is not the best list but i will get there):

for shorter and more lighthearted reads:

deadpool (2022)—SO so cute wade has a crush on this non-binary assassin and it's actually adorable how much he likes them lol. in terms of shorter deadpool comics i think this one is quite a standout

deadpool infinity comic (2021)—a short partnership with sue storm. funny and the art style is so cute too

dogpool infinity comic (2024)—this is just cute and logan is in it too

for a more meta read that explores exactly what makes wade unique from other superheroes:

deadpool kills the marvel universe (2011)—in my opinion THE most iconic deadpool run, i'm sure everyone's heard of it lmao. a little darker but hey cameos from every marvel character ever. this was the first deadpool comic i ever read and it was a good time

for a familiar face from deadpool and wolverine (for other specific familiar faces you could just search "deadpool vs [character]" and that comic would probably exist):

honestly just search "deadpool and wolverine" and you'll probably get the whole list but here are some i've read that are lovely:

deadpool & wolverine: wwiii (2024)

deadpool vs. wolverine: slash 'em up infinity comic (2024)

for long in-depth characterisation that explores a lot of deadpool lore:

deadpool (2012)—if you've been following me you might know this is my favourite deadpool comic ever. it's pretty depressing and much grittier than the movie deadpool you might be used to, also REALLY long so it can be daunting but it's very worth it imo. it starts to get really good by the good, the bad, and the ugly issue and there's just SO much in it. for me wade in this run is inseparable from wade as a character to me (this comic is also followed up with deadpool (2015) and despicable deadpool (2017). they're not necessary to read but it's definitely bittersweet to get to the end)

deadpool (1997)—another hulk of a comic run. i have not read this yet but i've heard very good things about it, and many people say that joe kelly is the defining deadpool writer (others say he ruined deadpool but i think the general consensus is more positive) so you could give it a go! older comics may be a little harder to read though, from experience

a lot of comics will sometimes redirect you to other comics that explore a sideplot, and the main comic will just pick up where those left off so you could miss some storyline. despite this it's not necessary to read those other comics, but if you want to avoid multiple instances of this when you first go in, then i would suggest starting with the shorter runs!!

i hope this was helpful lmao sorry this got really long but i think the starting point really is different for everyone depending on what they like

[girlwithadragonheart]

Thinking about Halsin and a depressed reader. Someone who knows they aren't alright, and is frustrated with themselves for not being able to communicate that. Someone who, when asked what's wrong? will answer, nothing, I'm okay, or I don't know because that's the only way they can properly communicate that something is, in fact, wrong.

Someone who starts to feel guilty because they can't ease their companions' minds because that would effectively be lying to them and telling them they're okay when they obviously aren't isn't alright. But they also can't just come out and say what the issue is because there is no issue, they just don't feel good.

Halsin sees the gradual change. The way you stop coming out around the others. The way your sentences get shorter and shorter, and you smile less and less. The few times you do, it doesn't quite reach your eyes. You have moments of joy, of course, but it quickly dissipates, leaving you with that emptiness that won't leave you alone.

Halsin would like to say he knows how to help that because he's lived it, but the truth is he doesn't. He spent a century feeling how you feel and the only way it lifted was to solve the root of the problem---the Shadow Curse. But how do you kill the weed if you can't find its roots?

He doesn't know, and watching you sleep more and more, becoming less inclined to solve anything that's a threat to you, it just kills him inside.

He finds himself approaching your tent one night when you skip dinner. He finds you near-asleep, rolled away from him with an arm supporting your head. Halsin kneels down beside you, resting one hand on your shoulder and the other on your hips, gently squeezing you awake.

You roll toward him slowly, and he looks down at your bleary eyes. "I'm worried about you."

You huff, sitting up and throwing the blankets aside. "Everyone is. I don't know what you want me to say."

"Can you at least talk to me about it?" Halsin asks gently.

Gods, but you want to. "I don't know how. I don't know what's wrong with me," your eyes tear up.

Halsin's brow furrows. The last thing he intended was to make you cry, but perhaps letting something out would do you some good. "Come here," he says in a gentle, commanding tone.

Following directions is all you know how to do right now, so you crawl over to him, settling yourself against his chest. He shifts his weight as though you aren't even there until he settles, wrapping his thick arms around you. He's soft. Comforting.

Gradually, your tears start to fall. Everything comes out as though a dam has burst and you can't reel it in if you try. Halsin pets your hair gently, smoothing it down, his other hand wrapped protectively around your waist where you straddle him.

The hand in your hair moves to your back, rubbing and massaging his fingertips into your taught muscles. "It's okay to not be okay," he says quietly. "All you have to tell me is 'I'm not okay' and I'm right here, alright, little dove?"

You nod blearily, sniffling against his shoulder.

"We'll get through this together. One step at a time, even if I have to hold your hand the whole way through."

-----------

This got so much longer than I thought it would oops, I'm having a night.

@halsinsgate Daddy Issues, rise!

[towncritte]

Red Destiny AU Lore Dump

I'm deciding to compile all the lore dumps I did so far on Twitter, into this post.

Stuff is subjected to change in the future, but this post is just to help you guys get bits of the story.

It's still a work in progress AU, and nothing is entirely set in stone but regardless, I do hope this helps.

Here's Dogday's reference sheet and info:

Here is a quick summary of what's going on in this Dimension: The Smiling Critters live in another dimension, which the portal was located in a Toy Factory. The humans entered and started ruling over the place, along with ruling several different towns to have control over the creatures within said dimension.

The story for now mostly focuses on Smiling Valley where the Smiling Critters live.

Due to the humans mostly seeing the Smiling Valley citizens as if they are Zoo Animals or an attraction of sorts, the small town finds it difficult to have supplies and have a tendency to get a shortage.

Most humans visiting aren't aware of the abuse going on done by Scientists that want to study the Critter Citizens as if they are Lab Rats, or the abuse of Soldiers/Guards hungry for a power trip.

That's the summary of the condition of the town so far.

For the most part the story for now will be pretty focused on Dogday and his perspective, as well as the other critters.

Catnap's whereabouts and what he is doing will be a mystery.

I want this AU to feel like an ominous mystery of what's going on.

Here's more lore drop of the pooch:

Declawing Trauma:

Dogday was declawed. Bubba, during Dogday receiving therapy, tried to get as much supplies and knowledge as he can to fix Dogday's hands/paws.

During those 3 years, Dogday couldn't hold things due to how bad the condition of his hands were.

Dogday had to constantly wear bandages and deal with pain for the past 3 years, making his mental recovery difficult, and feeling like a burden to his friends for helping him.

Catnap CONSTANTLY had to reassure Dogday nothing was his fault and would constantly comfort him.

Dogday, despite everything, held onto hope Bubba would restore his claws.

Bubba had to eventually settle for reshaping Dogday's hands to paws so Dogday wouldn't feel so much pain anymore. (He had to use extra bones from Dogday's hands to do this.)

Dogday was depressed about this but overtime did manage to get through therapy without being in so much pain anymore and had to learn to hold things with his newly reshaped paws. (Tho he still has some trauma)

Catnap held a HEAVY grudge against the scientists that hurt Dogday.

These traumatizing events will show how it's affected Day as the story goes.

Dogday does know about The Prototype and what Catnap's been doing. Not fully aware, the Moon is in a cult of sorts hidden outside of town.

Catnap at one point, gave Dogday hope about his claws before he left Smiling Valley as he was called upon by The Prototype:

Catnap wasn't being malicious when he showed them off, he just wanted to give Dogday a reason to support his beliefs. Catnap wasn't declawed, but he was given much deadlier claws.

Speaking of Catnap, here's his beta ref sheet:

In the future, I'll make him a colored reference sheet once I have this AU organized.

Dogday's eyes:

When Day's eyes would be fading back to white, Mini Moon immediately tells Day to go home and sleep. He then administers the red smoke again.

GORE WARNING!

Dogday developing violent tendencies:

At some point, Dogday starts to develop violent urges due to the Plush's manipulation and mind warping.

(Since I DO NOT plan to rip off Dogday's legs EVER! I'm going with this route as a nod to what happened in the game, but its in reverse)

This is so far the lore dump of the AU. I'll look back at this in the future as I continue the story to see how I can tie things together, or what to change or what I like or don't like.

If you don't understand this, it's okay.

Again, this is just a lore dump post to understand the AU so far in it's Work In Progress stage.

And to help me read over stuff and see what I can do with it.

Again, stuff is subjected to change, including designs. So nothing is entirely permanent.

I made the Plush Delivery comic back on Twitter originally as a one off in it's old version. But over time, I liked the concept so much I started forming it into a story and redid Plush Delivery.

I do hope you'll enjoy wherever Red Destiny's story will go.

Who knows what lies ahead for the red path the pooch is following.

" A red destiny awaits you Sunshine….are you ready?" -Catnap

Thank goodness, I'm done writing this all down. xnx

[mynqzo]

sorry for how the your post about gay rights in georgia has become such a mess because of idiots :(

i'm sorry for whats happening in georgia :( i also live in a pretty homophobic country so i can relate! i and the rest of the queer community will do the best to keep you all in our hearts and minds.

thank you haha, messages with kind words from other queer people in similar situations are really helping me through this !!

and yeah i mean i don't check that post anymore because it circled to people getting upset that i didn't clarify it wasn't the us state but idk, it was made in a moment of fear and just wanting to spread the word, and idk, it's now just another portion of stress at this point - but im so happy it spreads awareness and brings it to people's attention !! especially to people who had no idea, it lets our voices and pain be heard.

many queer people have been struggling here, before the legislation and more so now, seeing other queer georgians reach out and metaphorically hold my hand is really great. i've been in a real depressive spiral about it ever since, but yknow how it is

[lovemyromance]

A lil angry rant

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD -

Elain eating drinking and sleeping again in ACOWAR had nothing to do with LUCIEN. Very tactically - It had to do with FEYRE - Our NARRATOR - arriving at the Night Court. Not even in the sense that Feyre brought her out of her depressive state. But in the sense that until FEYRE arrived:

We would not have known Elain was even depressed

We would not have seen Elain getting better

We would not know anything ABOUT Elain or her current state - or ANYONE in the NC, because Feyre - Our first person narrator - was NOT there.

The idea that Lucien was the reason she started eating and drinking again is LAUGHABLE. For that to be the REASON - he would have had to ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING to help her.

And I'm sorry but his mere existence did NOT fix Elain. There was a VERY clear cause and effect that fixed Elain, and it was Azriel discovering she's a Seer. People can try to downplay it as much as they want, but it doesn't change the fact that Azriel revealed she was a Seer - and literally the next page - Elain get's freed from her murky realm. Clarity returns to her.

Do NOT try to make this a thing. This is NOT the argument y'all want to actually use for Elucien. There are a dozen other things that make MARGINALLY more sense than saying "Elain got better because of Lucien and Mor and Feyre not Azriel". Mor & Feyre? Fucking really? REALLY?

Like I'm sorry but I am drawing the line at saying MOR fixed Elain and Elriels are misogynistic for erasing her BIG ROLE in fixing Elain. Like my god, if she really had such a BIG part in fixing Elain, maybe the real ship here is MorElain??? Or that Feyre fixed Elain because she literally asked AZRIEL "What is wrong with her??"

Like stop, just STOP at this point. Calling Elriels misogynistic over this is such a reach.

You are the same people who claim Elain is out here sniffing and cradling Lucien's cloak he gave her after the same most traumatic day of her life, disregarding her ENTIRE trauma and PTSD just to have a 'cutsey lil headcanon about elucien'- and you have the fucking nerve to call ELRIELS misogynistic? For what? Reading the books?

Sorry I don't read things like quizlet flashcards, like random letters cut out of a magazine and shuffled and taped together to try to send a message that just ISN'T THERE.

Y'alls logic is literally "Lucien made her feel better because he arrived and then she got better" even though she literally cringed away from him and all he told them to do was get Elain some fresh air. You are just theorizing - desperately hoping, really - that somehow, Lucien's "mate-ness" cures her? Through what? Osmosis? Tf? "Through the mating bond" -> You mean the one Elain called strange and runs away from? That mating bond somehow cured her? What led you to that conclusion when even Feyre didn't come to that conclusion?

Azriel figured out she was a Seer. He found out why she was in that scared, depressed state, and he freed her. And then as soon as she could put a name to what was happening to her, babygirl straightened her spine and came back to her senses. That is literally written - black and white - in the text (that you so carefully cut Azriel out of btw).

And I keep seeing this ridiculous shit about how "oh well Elain's powers are not WRONG >:( so Azriel figuring out her powers didn't fix what was wrong with her" -> And to that, all I have to say is stfu and stop being crazy, you look like fucking clowns 🤡 . You are trying SO - SO hard to try to disprove every Elriel moment it's making you seem so desperate.

You shouldn't have to do this level of mental gymnastics to prove your ship is relevant? Why are these people SO - SO obsessed with trying to "disprove" every Elriel moment to claim they aren't significant??? Like newsflash - if Elriel wasn't significant or important - there WOULDN'T BE so many moments!

Why don't they - IDK - put half as much energy into trying to prove Elucien? Why don't they put that energy into appreciating canon Elucien moments? Why don't they have cute quotes and fanart about canon Elucien moments? Why don't they sit here fawning over cute Elucien moments from the actual books?

Oh....lol...wait. BECAUSE THERE AREN'T ANY. 😫

They HAVE to sit here and make headcanons and try to disprove everything about Elriel because they don't HAVE anything to fawn over in the books. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why is their ENTIRE ship:

70% trying to disprove every time Elriel ever even breathed beside each other + 30% over-analyzing random out of context words and sentences + 20% headcanons about Lucien (cough, oopsie I meant headcanons about Elucien. Sorry guys, sometimes I type too fast and its so hard to miss the small, miniscule E for Elain in the Lucien ship. Sorry did it again - meant E-Lucien)

(And yes I know this adds up to over 100%. Because they're ALWAYS TRYNNA DO TOO MUCH to act like Eluciens not a dead ship)

[cerastes]

This might be too broad of a question and sorry if it is (also sorry if it's been asked before?), but I wanted to ask if there are any particular books you may recommend to someone learning about psychology?

Also what did Rosmontis do if I may ask

Rosmontis: here.

Psychology: I personally recommend learning about second-order cybernetics, in which the observer is circularly and intimately involved with/connected to the observed. The observer is no longer neutral and detached, and plays an active role in system. This is key to Brofenbrenner’s Ecological Model. Basically, this stands conceptually opposite to the Lacanian take on Freud’s psychoanalysis, as Lacanian purists will insist you exist as an extraneous entity to the focal point being observed. You, as a psychologist, are still human and a mutable, mutation-inflicting aspect of any life you wander into. The psychologist as an outside-above observer is a flawed concept in my opinion.

All this prelude is to say: Read Ludwig von Bertalanffy’s “Organismic Psychology and Systems Theory”, 1966, and get to know the General Systems Theory. One cannot work with one part of a system, micro or macro, if one hopes to truly help someone. What people often call “illness” tends to be symptoms of something else, and each person is a whole world.

Specifically about working with kids, I like Donald Winnicott’s works. “Playing and Reality”. Winnicott puts lots of emphasis on how creativity and play are incredibly good tools in understanding and communicating with babies and children, and this can and should be used alongside other techniques to create a platform of conversation, if needed, with older kids that for one reason or another struggle with conventional communication. Winnicott also proposes the “Good Enough Mother” theory, which is to say, the best parent/caretaker is one who is good enough to healthily provide for the kid in all areas, and still messes up or lacks some skills overall to provide children a safe, controlled space of adversity; it is through this safe adversity that children learn to be self-sufficient by learning to make up for what the caretaker lacks or doesn’t do perfectly. Overprotective parents, then, run counter to healthy development of the child, something that proves right more often than not.

Finally, Humberto Maturana’s “The Tree of Knowledge: The Biological Roots of Human Understanding”. This is also about second-order cybernetics, more focused on how we learn, the science of knowing how we know. You know how someone telling you “two plus two is four” is meaningless, but if you add two and two, you get four, and now that has any meaning to you because you got to that realization through internal processes that organically lead to the answer? Ok, you know how it does jack shit to tell a depressed person to think happy thoughts, but if lived experience and rationale eventually leads you to “life is worth living”, then that a life-changing effect on you? Well, it’s got to do with techniques on understanding this process and being an active agent in doing this with others.

I dislike psychoanalysis but it is worth reading Freud’s stuff, especially to understand where all of this comes from originally, and the technique isn’t necessarily bad as much as it was a technique used in a place and time that is not where and when we currently live. Second-order cybernetics is something I especially like in psychology, because of how closely it relates to actual lived experience. A simple example is, if you throw a basketball to the hoop, you likely will miss, but your second attempt will be closer, and the third attempt, you’ll likely nail it. This is because the previous attempts have given you input and information that you then incorporate to throw more accurately. This is first-order cybernetics as you are the sole, individual variable, but imagine you have a coach, and the coach isn’t teaching you in a way that helps. The coach then changes their approach to suit your way of learning how to handle the element (ball), so the observed system (you, ball, act of throwing, hoop) is now changing, but so is the system observing entity (coach), as observer cannot be separate from observed system if aiming to meaningfully change it.

These should set you out to a good start, in my opinion.

[thezombieprostitute]

Unwanted - Part 5

Summary: Your life is no longer yours. You've been forced into becoming a different species of human. Bought and paid for, what can you do but follow orders and obey your Alpha?

Warnings: Allusions to surgery, human trafficking, kidnapping; Angst; Depression; Suicidal thoughts. Let me know if I missed any!

A/N: Reader is described as big & tall, is female. No other descriptors used.

Part 4 -- Part 6

Series Masterlist

You wake up covered in sweat, crying from your nightmares. Your entire body ached, especially where you had scars. It took you a minute to orient yourself. The skylight was incredibly helpful as an instant reminder that you were no longer in your cell at Dr. Kemp's mercy.

The comfortable bed and blankets were another reminder. Natasha had graciously added to your education on Omega instincts and needs. Nesting had originally been described to you as just bundling your bedding. Nat had explained it was a manifestation of an Omega's need for a safe, comfy place. Most often to sleep, but sometimes just for relaxing. It's not uncommon for an Omega to have little nests built in other places of their homes. For now, though, you were just grateful to indulge in the soft fabric, comfy mattress, and a multitude of pillows.

You check the digital clock and see that it's a little after 5 in the morning. Part of you wonders if that was the default time you'd get woken up in your cell and so you're just automatically waking up out of habit. Yes, the nightmares were probably a factor, but you can't remember a time you didn't have them. Maybe you should ask Nat about getting yourself a teddy bear you can squeeze to help you calm down instead of the pillow you currently had in a death grip.

She had promised to come by at 10 today to follow up with you. That gave you a whopping 5 hours to get more sleep. If only you could. You were wide awake and sleep felt like a terrifying concept, as if you would wake up back in your cell.

Resigning yourself to wakefulness you get out of bed and look around. You've got options for what to do and you're not sure what to do with yourself until the pressure in your bladder gets your attention. After you relieve yourself you decide to shower first and try out some of the sweet, floral smelling products to find ones you liked. You probably spent too much time in the shower but you were so grateful for the hot water and feel soothed by the scented shampoos and washes. For the first time in forever a shower felt genuinely relaxing and rejuvenating.

Walking out of the bathroom, wrapped in one of the towels, you look through the closet. Nat had promised that none of these clothes were used, they were all recently bought, just for you. Yes, they were men's clothes, but that's because they didn't have women's clothing your size. You assured her it was something you were used to. You put on a pair of boxers followed by sweatpants and a t-shirt, taking a kind of comfort in the fit of the pant legs around your ankles, breathing easier with so much of yourself covered. There's also a pair of slipper socks that, when you put them on, make you giddy with how warm and comfortable they feel. Honestly, you wonder if you'll ever feel comfortable being barefoot, or in a dress ever again. Those hospital gowns have likely soured your clothing opinions forever.

Recalling your tour with Natasha from last night, you remember you're also allowed to make yourself some breakfast with the ample food supply in the kitchen. It's been quite some time since you've cooked but you want a meal that's actually warm and tasty. Still, it has been a while so you opt to start simple with toast and eggs. You end up with scrambled eggs but that just means you can add shredded cheese before adding it to the toast. You took a bite and nearly ended up in tears from the relief, the memories, the confirmation that you were no longer in your cell.

All of your emotions kicking in from the conflicting brain chemistry have you running back to your nest to cry yourself out.

By the time Nat knocks on your door you've calmed down. You welcome her in and the two of you make small talk. You tell her about everything going on and she nods in understanding.

"This is definitely something we've seen before," she nods. "When you're ready for it, we'll introduce you to some of the others who have had similar experiences."

"So there are others?" you ask. "Ari wasn't just bullshitting about that?"

"Unfortunately, yes, there are others. We're a bit of a dying species, doing what we need to survive. But while a bunch of us work for the government in exchange for safety, resources and a chance at creating future generations for others of our kind, some outliers, like Kemp and Hansen, have gone to more extreme measures."

"So Ari is trying to do good work and I just...I wasn't supposed to...I'm..."

Nat hugs you. "You're welcome here. We will find a place for you here."

Part 4 -- Part 6

Series Masterlist

Tagging: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @dontbescaredtosingalong; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @lokislady82;

@lolitsthings @peyton-warren; @ronearoundblindly ; @startcarvingdarling

[skele-bunny]

I write desperately requesting some Dewdrop/Sodo/Mountain stubborn hurt/comfort of any kind. Just a crumb is required for sustaining my existence.

I appreciate you fully,

Jude 🦇🩷✨

OIGHGIII...... I got a few for you, my friend........ Plus just some general ones!!

When Mountain was first summoned, he came out kicking and PISSED. Ready to maul just about anyone and everything that came into his sight. Back then, the assigned ghoul was the one to calm the newly, and that happened to be Dewdrop. Mountain just slowly calmed down at this tiny water ghoul, letting him reach up and pet over his jaw and ease him down. Earth ghouls are STUPID about water ghouls they look ridiculous sometimes. Mountain was like the giant pup who still thinks he's a lap dog, constantly following or laying on/against Dewy. There was ONE time Mountain hurt Dew and it was by giving him a rose with thorns still in. Dew cut his finger, and even to the current day, Mountain will dethorn roses before giving them to Dewdrop.

Now, when Dew had his transition, he was so deep in a depression he didn't really... Function. That time is when Mountain and him fought a lot. "You cared for me, so now let me care for you!" / "I just want you to leave me ALONE." When it wasn't Aether, it was Mountain who changed his bandages. Whispering to Dew that he's almost done as he gently rubs ointment into scars and open wounds, feeling terrible as his rosemary sobs uncontrollably from the pain and guilt of what's been done to him. There's been times Dew will try doing it himself and being a dick to Mountain about it, but always ends up with Mounty doing it, being so careful and letting Dew lay on him afterwards.

Dewdrop also had a lot of concerning behaviors after, always ashamed but one night just being too much as he cried silently against some run down gas station after sneaking out of the hotel. Pressed down immediately on Mountain's phone "Can you please come get me?" When Mountain finally came in view, Dew just ran straight to him and sobbed on his shoulder. Led to another argument as Mountain staged a small intervention but Dew is thankful about it in more recent times.

One of Mountain's bad traits is he doesn't know when to stop pushing himself and to put his own needs/health first. Hunched over his desk working on something one of the others or Copia asked him to, or helping the others with their mental health and venting needs while he's just quiet and won't speak about his own. Too many nights Dew has leaned against his doorway, a certain look on his face before pulling Mountain away and to bed. "I have too much to do—" / "Shut it. How long has it been since you slept? You look like actual shit." / "How kind of you." Dewdrop using his warm hands to ease his physical pains as much as possible, massaging him into a calm state before falling asleep. Dew won't leave his side and even sometimes sleeps with him.

Mountain, when he gets overstimulated, reacts in anger as he doesn't know what else to do. Flapping his hands and baring his fangs, and with each passing moment he's showing more and more warning signs that he's about to lose himself. If Dew's around, he just grabs Mountain's face and brings him down to his chest. It irritates him more at first before his other ear is cupped to help silence, Mountain able to focus purely on Dewdrop's heartbeat and letting himself ease down. It helps when Dew rubs his jaw, just like he did all those years ago...

[diminuel]

🚨Angst Warning🚨

I want to play around with Crocodile’s missing ring again... What if originally there was a ring there. (This is all under the premise that my timeline is accurate)

I could see Crocodile getting a bit "clingy" to Dragon. Like, they start bonding during a really tumultuous time for Crocodile. His entire plan and dream is crushed by losing that fight with WB. He's having to find himself again, learn how to cope without a whole ass hand, and find the motivation to keep being a pirate right after he got his warlord status. It's a major hit to his ego, and to be recovering in a new environment with people he may not fully trust.

Dragon is a strong and motivated leader. Dragon has conviction and a strong head on his shoulders. He could be a really stabilizing force for Crocodile during this time. I could see Crocodile being anxious to ever lose that support and trust. Especially with how bad his record with trust is, and with how low his self-esteem probably is at the time.

And after some time, a relationship starts to bloom between them. One that's a bit impulsive, and not the healthiest. But they are stuck in a honeymoon phase, and unwilling to let go of that for the reality of their situation. I could see Dragon using his time with Crocodile as an escape from the stressors of being a leader to a Revolution. After a long day of seeing the consequences of an oppressive system, but to be able to come home, and no longer be the figurehead with so much on his shoulders. To come back home and just be a normal man and cuddle with his love. Maybe Dragon gets a bit too comfortable, and impulsive. So, he gets a cheep and inconspicuous ring, and makes a promise with Crocodile to always be there for each other. (Sidenote, I can picture a cute scene where Dragon pulls out the ring, and Crocodile inspects it with a playful pout. "You couldn't have gotten me a big diamond?")

Crocodile is excited about this new aspect of his life, but he's getting a bit stir-crazy at the revolutionary army's base. The sea is calling to him, and he is starting to feel the confidence to get back out there again. But Crocodile is conflicted with leaving right after that promise. He loves Dragon, he doesn't want to disappoint him, or lose the access to the steady flow of support. So he chooses to stay a bit longer, to make a solid exist plan without losing Dragon. Something they both could approve of.

Crocodile finds out he's pregnant, the honeymoon phase starts to fall, and reality hits hard. When Dragon finds out, he's terrified. This could put him, and or, the revolution at risk. This could put Crocodile at risk. But he doesn't have the balls to think of ending the pregnancy, he has a selfish sense of responsibly, and a secret hope this could bloom into a happy family. He tells Crocodile he will take care of it, relocates him to a safe house, and tells no one.

But Dragon is a busy man, the face of a revolution, and it waits for no man. Sacrificing his personal priories came with the job description. No matter how much he wants to be with Crocodile to help care for him, his work comes first. So with his minimal discreet visits, to drop off supplies and do wellness checks, Crocodile is left very alone. Dragon isn't cruel to leave Crocodile without a midwife/doctor, but it's still Crocodile baring the full weight of it all with, in his eyes, barely a glance from Dragon.

Crocodile quickly starts to see the flaws in their relationship, and his view on Dragon completely flips. Dragon is now a pathetic, selfish man, who never truly loved him, and only wants to punish him. The pregnancy is a cruel joke Dragon set to up mock Crocodile. He was just about to leave for the sea, and try his hand at his dreams again. But Dragon's support was always a façade, he knew how vulnerable a position like this would put Crocodile in. It was the prefect scenario to keep Crocodile caged.

Crocodile becomes resentful, unstable, and very depressed. He has no love for the thing he carries. Crocodile can't look at his reflection anymore, as he doesn't recognize the person looking back. He feels wrong and can't do anything about it. The midwife becomes very concerned by how Crocodile has progressed, but does all they can to care for and support him during the pregnancy. When Dragon sees how bad things have gotten, he has to make a hard decision. He sets up a plan with the midwife that when Crocodile gives birth, they will give him a clean opportunity to break away from all of this.

Luffy is born premature, and silent. He is separated from Crocodile to be checked over by the midwife. When everything is settled down, Dragon tells Crocodile the baby didn't make it. With all the pain and emotion this news brings, Crocodile finally takes off the ring. Letting this part of his life die. Wani is dead, he is now Crocodile. He rushes off to cash in a favor with Iva, puts all of that behind him. But as a reminder of the pain trusting and loving someone can bring, he will never put another ring on that finger.

Oh no, you hurt me!

Jail, jail for Dragon for a thousand years! I can totally see Dragon making a decision he thinks is for the best for Crocodile, but never even considering asking him his opinion. Maybe Crocodile didn't want a clean cut and a dead baby. (Even though you do say he came to resent the baby.)

Since I'm a hurt/comfort lover, I'm of course always trying to find a way how to fix it but it's a really difficult situation for Crocodile, maybe even more than for Dragon because he knows that Luffy lives. He will know that Crocodile lives. He has long accepted that he will choose his cause over his personal happiness. (Even if that means giving up Crocodile and the baby and the comfort that their relationship had been.)

I'm also thinking about the Marineford reveal because as far as Crocodile knows his baby is dead. Who does he think Luffy is? Another of Dragon's children? He probably doesn't think that it could be his baby. Wah.

[skyward-floored]

Little tiny fic with Eveni (Midlink kiddo) and Link who’s refusing to admit he’s depressed!!

(Spoilers for true form AU if anyone even cares)

So this is after Midna leaves. Link is still a mess, he’s refusing to work through his issues, and he can’t stay in Ordon because it just feels too stifling and small. So he leaves, and wanders around with Eveni for a while, apart from the occasional issue Zelda needs his help with.

————————————————————

Link trudges up to Zelda’s quarters, boots tapping on the stones the way they always do. His stomach growls loudly as he ascends, and Link sighs, ignoring the twist in his middle. He hasn’t eaten anything since before he cleared out the monsters by Lake Hylia early this morning, and it’s nearly dark out now.

Fortunately he just has to hand his report of the incident to the princess, and then he can go figure out something to eat.

And pick up Eveni, of course.

Link shakes his head to himself as he continues to climb, still a bit in disbelief at what had happened. He’d been... more than surprised when the Queen herself had offered to watch his son while he took care of the monster infestation. The kingdom’s knights hadn’t gotten anywhere in eradicating the beasts, and Zelda had asked for Link’s assistance, which he’d easily agreed to, and he’d been prepared to take Eveni along as usual.

Zelda had looked at him in disbelief when she’d realized he was going to bring his son, but it wasn’t like he was going to take Eveni into battle with him. He was used to traveling around with a toddler, and he’d done this several times, tucking Eveni securely on Epona’s back, and sending the two of them plenty far away from the fighting.

And he hadn’t wanted to leave Eveni so far out of his reach.

“Link, he’ll be far safer here,” Zelda had said gently when he’d declined. “I know you have your methods, but you’re still taking Eveni into a battle. If you leave him here you won’t have to spend your energy worrying about him, and I’ll need your report of what happened afterwards anyway. If he stays here, you don’t have to make any extra stops for him. You can merely come back here when you’ve finished, and then go as soon as you’d like. I know you don’t prefer to linger around town.”

The queen was right of course, (was she ever not?), and Link had hesitantly agreed. He’d gone on his way, but not after a long goodbye, and a tight hug for his son.

He’d never been away from Eveni for such a long period of time before, and found himself hurrying as he trodded up the stairs, worried thoughts drifting past his mind.

Yet... he wasn’t too worried.

Something about knowing Eveni was with the woman who’d helped him shoot arrows at the incarnation of hatred itself did help ease his mind. Other than his family and the folks in the Resistance, Zelda was someone he trusted above all else, even if their relationship was a bit awkward at times. Partially because of her character and how she was his friend-acquaintance-occasional-employer, but also in part due to an innate sense that he could trust her with his life, and he’d follow her anywhere.

...That was probably just the triforce connection though.

Link nods at a guard as he reaches the Queen’s quarters, and enters her rooms with a knock. An orange head shoots up in attention the moment he passes through the door, and Link can’t help the swell of relief at the sight of his son, safe and sound.

“Papa!” Eveni squeals, toddling over to him and waving his ever-present stuffed cat. Link hurried over and scoops up Eveni in a tight hug, noting Zelda standing up from where she was seated nearby. Eveni nestles up to him, and Link gives his head a kiss.

“Hey buddy, me and Epona missed you today. You have a good time?” Link asks with a smile, lifting Eveni and eliciting another happy squeal. His son laughs and squeezes Link’s neck, nearly choking him, but he merely adjusts him so he can breathe better.

Then he shifts his attention to Zelda, and gives her as much of a respectful bow as he can with a toddler clinging to his neck.

“Thank you, your majesty. I hope he wasn’t any trouble.”

“He was wonderful, Link. No thanks are needed, I was glad to spend some time with him again,” Zelda says with a faint smile. “He’s gotten so big since he lived here. I barely recognize him.”

Link’s smile dims at her words, the reminder of the brief time he and Midna stayed at the castle after Eveni was born still painful. It truly was one of the happiest times of his life, but the memories are more bittersweet now than anything.

Fortunately he’s gotten rather good at not letting it show.

“Yeah. He’s shooting up like a weed these days,” Link replies, looking down at his son. “Growing faster than I can handle sometimes.”

Eveni’s still clinging to his neck, but when he catches Link looking at him, smiles widely, and waves his cat around.

“Elda read! Oggy oggy!” he babbles excitedly, and Link looks over at Zelda to see if she has any clue what he’s talking about.

“I read him a bit of a tale with a wolf in it, he was quite enraptured,” she said, the same faint smile playing around her lips. “I suppose it runs in the family.”

Link almost rolls his eyes before he remembers it’s the Queen of Hyrule he’s talking to, and quickly refrains. He may know Zelda pretty well, but he at least tries to keep his manners in check.

So instead, he reaches in his pouch for the report he’d quickly scribbled up about the monster situation, and hands it over to the Queen.

“Everything went well,” he says simply, avoiding Eveni’s waving hands. “The road is passable again, monsters won’t be taking residence on the bridge again anytime soon.”

“That’s wonderful news Link, you have my thanks,” Zelda says gratefully, taking his letter. “Those bokoblins were causing all sorts of problems, and nobody seemed to be getting anywhere in removing them.”

“Well they shouldn’t cause any more problems now,” Link says, unable to stop the satisfaction from leaking into his voice.

He stretches his arm a little, grimacing when an ache ripples up his elbow. He hadn’t been seriously injured at all, but he had been hit by a few clubs, and they weren’t severe enough to merit use of a potion. There would doubtless be multiple bruises coloring his skin tomorrow.

“May I offer you a seat?” Zelda says when she notices the face he’s making, and Link hesitates, then nods, the thought of sitting a welcome one.

“Just for a little while,” he relents, and settles on one of Zelda‘s chairs with a small sigh of relief. He hadn’t realized quite how tired he was until he’d sat down.

Eveni shifts so he’s in his lap instead of clinging to his neck, and starts talking about Zelda again. Link listens to him as he recounts his day, mostly understanding his babbling words. Zelda does as well, and occasionally chimes in with an explanation of something that doesn’t quite translate.

But eventually Eveni’s chatter trails off, replaced with sleepy yawns, and Link looks out the window, the first few stars beginning to twinkle in the sky.

“It’s getting late,” he hums, and Zelda nods, setting down the tea she’d been sipping at.

She’s about to reply, but then his stomach lets out a horrendous gurgle of hunger, cutting her off and making Link flush with embarrassment.

“Link... did you forget to pack any rations?” Zelda asks in a stern voice, and Link shrinks under her stare. There’s a spark of amusement in her eyes when his stomach growls again, but she’s still giving him that look. “You were out all day Link, you can’t just not eat.”

“I ate breakfast,” he points out, ignoring the fact that said breakfast was a single piece of fruit. Zelda sighs as his stomach gurgles even louder.

“And obviously nothing since. Seeing as you’ve already here, I suppose you could... join me for dinner?” Zelda suggests, and Link pauses. “You and Eveni. You can take some time to rest and eat, and you can tell me of your eradication of the monsters at Lake Hylia yourself, and I can skip the report. If you’d like to of course,” she adds on, almost a little hurriedly.

“We really ought to be going...” Link trails off, and while Zelda doesn’t say anything, she knows just as well as he does that he has absolutely nowhere he needs to be.

He’s just... not in the habit of sitting around and talking to people anymore.

He looks down at Eveni where he’s nestled in his lap, a thumb in his mouth. Eveni’s head is resting on his shoulder, and his eyes are starting to close, but he’s still awake for now, and smiles when he sees Link looking at him.

“Papa hungy?” he asks with a tug on his collar, and Link smiles.

“Yeah, papa is hungry. And I bet you are too,” he says as he pokes his tummy, and Eveni giggles.

His son nestles up to his arms again without replying, and Link looks over at Zelda, still patiently awaiting his answer.

He’d planned to be out of here as quickly as possible; merely drop off his report, pick up Eveni, and be on his way. Avoid unpleasant memories and people he doesn’t want to talk to or answer probing questions from. Go back to wandering Hyrule just like before.

And yet.

Sitting here with Eveni secure in his arms, talking with Zelda and for once not having to worry about his son’s safety...

He doesn’t... want to leave.

He meets Zelda’s eyes, a shade of blue some might call cold (he knows better, he’s seen them light up with a warmth as bright as a summer’s day), and breaths out, giving her a hesitant smile.

“That would be wonderful, Zelda.”

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

[ganondoodle]

so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

[coriander-candlesticks]

Sometimes your Mental Illness™ is kicking your ass and all you can do is offer the first hot, non-leftover meal you managed to prep in the day at 10:30 pm to Apollo & ask for help getting to *and* getting through your appointment tomorrow and that's okay

[batsplat]

as our resident Casey expert i wonder what do you think would have happened if marc and casey competed against each other? since casey retiring is so important for marc coming into motogp im always thinking abt the what ifs...

my initial instinct with this hypothetical is always 'that sounds horrible', though I do have more thoughts and opinions about it than that! marc obviously would have loved the chance to race casey, and casey has even been one of his picks of 'guys he would've liked to be teammates with' before, so, you know, clearly something there - and he does very much respect casey as a rider. I think it's quite likely that by the time marc entered the premier class, casey had already developed... I don't know if wariness is going too far, but maybe a little bit of unease or caution where marc was concerned. marc already very much had a reputation based on his 125/moto2 track record, and some of these incidents were controversial enough that the motogp riders commented on them. so take the phillip island 2011 incident where marc rode into the back of another rider:

the valentino quote serves as a bit of a benchmark here, given he was generally pretty pro-marc. yes, casey's phrasing is perhaps a little harsher, but unsurprisingly none of the riders were big fans of marc's behaviour in that particular incident

on the other hand, it's not like casey never sided with marc. take catalunya 2012, where marc was slapped with a controversial post-race penalty:

yes, casey's main complaint was about inconsistent stewarding - but still, he believed marc had been unfairly treated here. feels like these incidents were some of the only things casey and valentino actually agreed on in those years, so that's nice

that being said, it's hard to see how casey wouldn't have his issues with marc and marc's whole approach to racing. I did include some thoughts on the teammate question here, but mainly I'm going to pilfer the relevant autobiography passage:

"if a rider doesn't care about his own safety then it stands to reason he doesn't care about anybody else's either"... there's nobody really who embodies the 'doesn't care about his own safety' maxim better than marc. he was the young rider desperate to win, and I can't imagine casey would have enjoyed actually racing him much. casey mostly didn't enjoy racing valentino, after all, who is a generally a lot more selective with his aggression than marc is (though casey did have to experience some of the worst valentino had to offer in that regard). casey talked in his autobiography about getting a sense when he just wasn't really able to trust another rider on the track, how much it bothered him - and that exact lack of respect is something that's been pretty closely associated with marc. that doesn't mean he would immediately declare marc his enemy... he'd just want marc to change, to learn, to grow up, to start treating his competitors with a little more respect. the way casey talks about young riders, there is a sense in which he has more time for them than he does for valentino - whose lack of respect casey views as more integral to who he is as a rider. valentino isn't a bully on track due to the exuberance of youth, he's a bully on track when he thinks he can use it as a tactic of intimidation. then again, marc by this measure is worse... and I think very quickly casey would have grown pretty disenchanted with how marc approaches all his wheel-to-wheel racing, especially when it becomes more and more clear marc does not feel particularly inclined to change

it's always important to remember how recent the trauma of losing simoncelli was for the whole sport, and it coloured both dani and jorge's wariness of marc... but also (in my opinion anyway) their restraint in how they dealt with him. how they tried to stop themselves from actually making an enemy out of him, in part because they'd just had an experience of harshly criticising a rider for a whole year and then having to process his death. both dani and jorge actually had more public and more serious disagreements with simoncelli than casey did, but I reckon there would have been an element of that restraint with casey too... on the other hand, his experiences with marc would have left him feeling even more alienated from the sport than he already was - at times frustrated (like jorge was) less with marc directly but more with the regulatory bodies for not holding marc back, for not giving him a race ban or whatever to teach him a lesson. that being said, marc's shamelessness vs casey's stubbornness means that if they had direct on-track encounters and casey didn't like marc's post-race response... well, I certainly think that'd end up being a pretty tense situation, even if it falls short of active hostilities

worth including irl!casey's take on marc in 2013:

which, you know. it's not just that marc's a hard racer - casey is accusing marc of deliberately wanting to make the defeats extra painful for his opponents, of wanting to not just beat but humiliate them. anyone else that reminds you of? someone who is as motivated in securing his psychological victories as his actual ones? perhaps someone who has a bit of a history himself with casey?

let's bring in valentino. it's not that casey would really have begrudged marc his friendship with valentino, and he generally kept his hatred of valentino quite 'clean' in that he wasn't conducting any proxy wars or anything (for instance, I don't get the sense the vale/sic friendship ever affected his view of simoncelli... though I have very little to go on here either way). also, if nothing else in this timeline changes, we're assuming valentino in 2013 is fairly clearly the... fifth? best rider? kinda depends where dani would have landed I suppose (casey's retirement announcement did save honda from a bit of a headache)... but anyway what this means is that valentino probably wouldn't initially have been much of a competitive threat to casey. mostly he would have been consigned to the sidelines

that being said, I doubt casey would have massively enjoyed the whole laguna seca saga. unfortunately, we don't even really know what real life casey's stance on the copycat move situation was... though if I had to guess, in this timeline I'd say his position would've been, a) marc could and should have carried out that overtake two corners later, there was no need in that race situation to take that risk, b) still, it was valentino's slight error as he attempted to reclaim the position (in what was a pretty aggressive manner, it has to be said) that led to them both ending up off-track and fuck that guy, and c) the problem with 2008 wasn't just or even primarily the corkscrew overtake and it's annoying that that's the only bit everyone talks about. of course, there's also the question of whether casey would have bought marc's explanation that it was totally by coincidence that the overtake happened there... and again, complete guesswork, but my sense of casey is that he would have assumed marc was being at least a little bit dishonest. (which, you know... laguna's not an easy track to overtake at, but marc did prove with the bradl move that he was perfectly capable of overtaking after turn 8 - might not have been planning on the off-track excursion, but he was still attempting to overtake just ahead of a blind crest that happened to feed into the corkscrew lol.) I think casey by his honda days had calmed down a bit (though he still certainly had some conspiratorial tendencies), but I also don't think it's a stretch to imagine that he would've felt like he was a victim of a joke between the pair of them... not ideal

overall though, I reckon casey's main frustrations would have been less with the move itself and more with how it was discussed. in the presser, while joking with marc, valentino does take the opportunity to get in a jibe at casey for old time's sake. there's this clip, where he directly addresses livio suppo (at ducati in 2008, by then at honda) - specifically about how both casey and suppo criticised him for that overtake. in response, suppo says something about how he's grateful to marc because they finally got payback. valentino is later asked directly about casey's complaints in 2008 in this clip, and replies with the following:

would valentino have said this stuff with casey still in the paddock? well, yes! honestly, given valentino did very quickly lay off needling casey once he had retired, there's a good chance he would have said something worse. and marc would have laughed along at the whole thing. I don't know, I just don't see casey taking particularly kindly to that... he can hold a grudge, that man can, and at a certain point he'd probably be increasingly less willing to give marc the benefit of the doubt. interesting situation though, laguna seca '13 + casey is a very juicy scenario that could play out in several different ways

but I'm guilty of burying the lede here - there's a far more obvious reason than anything I've described above for why the casey/marc relationship would have turned sour. it's the simple fact that they would have been teammates which would do the damage all on its lonesome; they have radically different conceptualisations of how that dynamic is supposed to work and would inevitably have clashed as a result. the one commonality they do have is they don't see their teammates as potential friends, which is... also not helpful! I think they'd probably initially be fine on the interpersonal level - and, actually, given how the casey/valentino relationship played out and marc's general approach to his rivalries, I can see marc/casey more or less being able to maintain a minimum standard of politeness towards each other even at their worst. like, I still think they'd be able to smile at each other and do some small talk when face-to-face, but I also think everything else would be a complete disaster. I talked a bit about how marc approaches his teammate relationships in this post - and I'm not going to rehash too much of what irl!marc got up to, but I'll include some bits relevant to casey

from marc:

related to casey:

and dani comparing the two:

we do obviously even have actual real life controversy wherein casey thinks marc felt threatened by him and forced him out of honda... and this in a timeline where they weren't even direct competitors! if this is the level of tension a test rider role can generate, then if they'd actually been teammates...? yeah, no. casey thinks that teammates should cooperate - and he thinks that riders enforcing divisions within the box are essentially doing so because they are "afraid". marc has openly admitted to lying about what parts he likes to make sure his teammate doesn't get any edge over him. this is the thing, right: marc might think casey is a cool rider, would've liked the chance to race him and even be teammates with him... but this is the stuff he did to dani, who was one of his literal idols! this is his understanding of competition - (like valentino) he might love the fight, but simultaneously he'll do pretty much whatever it takes to win, because he considers this stuff fundamentally part of the game. casey does not. to casey, this kind of victory is dishonest. any kind of gamesmanship is a sign of weakness... the victory is worth less if you're accomplishing it like that

now, hey, maybe marc would never have been able to go as far as he did with dani because he wouldn't have the kind of performance edge that allows you to definitively impose your will within the team. I think it's a popular interpretation that marc wouldn't have won the title in 2013 if casey had been there, which... I mean, I think it's true that it would have been less likely - in that in a season with that much volatility, the more plausible championship contenders you have the less likely it is that any single one of them takes the title (same goes for instance if you add in a valentino who had not gone to ducati for two years and would have presumably been more competitive in 2013). but it's not like casey would have been the defending champion and the clear class of the field... partly due to injury, he ended up finishing in third in 2012. jorge and dani didn't win the 2013 title in part as a result of their own injuries, and who knows how casey would have fared... like sometimes it's just luck of the draw really. you can be the better rider and still not win the title, shit happens. I think for as long as a more or less healthy-ish casey stays in the sport, it would have been unlikely that marc establishes quite the same performance edge as he did over dani... but, well, if anything that would have meant he would have fought even harder out of perceived necessity to win the internal honda wars

it's the kind of thing that can make a relationship quickly deteriorate, especially with a prickly character such as casey, and it's entirely plausible that dynamic would have become strained at best and horrendously toxic at worst... sooner rather than later. and the thing is, this environment would affect marc considerably less than it would casey. again, it's the fact that he relishes the fight... he's very good at shrugging off (most) criticism and thrives in that kind of tension. the emotional fatigue that this scenario generates would be painfully lopsided, where casey offers harsh criticisms and means them and is endlessly frustrated with marc's approach, while marc... doesn't really care. at least dani also had a questionable manager who was conducting behind the scenes warfare on his behalf - casey doesn't want to play these games at all. he just wants to ride a bike, and marc is never going to allow him to live in peace as long as he's an internal threat. if casey were exposed directly to all of that from marc, I doubt he'd walk away from the experience with a particularly positive impression of him

does he walk away? I think there's a decent chance that casey would have ended up so disillusioned with the whole thing that this would have been what pushed him into retirement. if he wants to get out of that mess, let's say after two years, his options would have been pretty limited. yamaha is closed off and I'd struggle to think of a scenario in which either jorge or valentino would have been particularly interested in a direct swap (also, if you're sick of being marc's teammate, you're probably not gonna be jumping at the chance to be valentino's instead). I suppose you could go back to ducati (which he did return to as a test rider so it's not like those bridges were permanently burnt), and maybe casey could do something special even with *gestures* that version of the bike. really though... I think enough would have been enough for him. regardless of the actual balance of success between the pair of them, my guess is marc wins that war because he's happier to get nasty and because he wants it more. casey has his two to four titles... he's done. let him go fishing

[itty-bitty-sunshine]

I know this is random but reading your blog and seeing your art made me so motivated I made my 1st animation ever (not counting pixel art ones), after not drawing digitally in months and it looks kinda basic and it isn't colored but I made it and I'm really happy with it so I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you for motivating me to make digital art again! I hope you have a wonderful day/night :)

MKJSJWJW HI!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TELLING ME THATS GREAT!!! Animatics need time and patience so the fact you went straight for it is so cool!!!! I bet it looks lovely!

Hope you have the greatest day/night too!