#what are mark stans called again

[amee-racle-ofmyown]

the heist!mark brainrot is consuming me…, just imagine mark n the viewer meeting for the first time as little kids to shoplift candy or smth together ╥﹏╥

the (brain)rot consumes!! I can relate

my dear anon... LISTEN. I am a big advocate for childhood friends captaineer, it's one of my favourite headcanons, but a childhood friends AU for the heist partners? that's something I hadn't considered until now. and it's adorable. I had to write something for it asap because I was INSPIRED. I hope you enjoy💖 thanks for sparking the idea!

Heist!Mark x reader (not explicitly romantic at all it's more about the friendship in this one) | Words: 1,317

You are in the kitchen of your shared home base, unloading the groceries your heist partner has just bought, when you pick up a bag of sour candies, smiling quietly to yourself. He's always been a fan of them.

Turning the packet in your hands, an old memory drifts to the surface of your mind:

You don't remember exactly how long ago it was, but you couldn't have been much older than maybe ten.

Your father was busy working, and had reluctantly sent you to the store with a small list after you insisted you could handle it on your own.

You slipped the folded piece of paper out of your school bag and scanned the list of items. At the bottom was a note that read, ‘Remember to stay hydrated, kiddo! :)’

You walked around the supermarket collecting the few things on your list and placed them in your trolley. On your way to the checkout, you passed through the candy aisle and slowed to eye the products on display.

‘Aren't you going to get anything?’

Your head perked up, shocked at the sudden voice addressing you.

There was a boy next to you with dark hair, looking at you inquisitively. He seemed to be about your age. He might have even been slightly shorter than you.

You must have been standing here for longer than you realised if it had prompted him to ask you about it.

You shook your head.

‘Why not?’

‘Oh, um. My dad only gave me enough money for what we need,’ you said timidly, showing him the list.

‘Ohh, that's too bad.’ Then, a small yet undeniably mischievous smile appeared on his face. He glanced discreetly up and down the aisle. ‘You know you can just — ’ and he took one of the small packets of candy off the shelf and slipped it swiftly into his pocket.

Your eyes went wide, stunned. Both from the fact that he was suggesting you steal, and at the speed and subtly with which he'd enacted the crime, as if he'd done it dozens of times before, if not more.

‘What are you doing?’ you spoke in a harsh whisper.

‘It's no big deal,’ he said in a lower voice than before, but one that still felt entirely too loud. He slipped another bag into his pocket.

You did not want to associate with this boy any longer.

You pushed your trolley away and towards the checkout, handing your items to the cashier.

You were unhappy to find the boy waiting for you when you exited the store, shopping bag in your hand.

‘What do you want?’ you asked, a little standoffishly, frowning at him.

‘There's no need to be rude,’ he said with a small pout. ‘Y'know, I think I might have seen you at school a few times.’

To your dismay, he followed along as you started walking home. When you pressed him, he simply said, ‘Hey, I'm not following you! I live down this way too, I promise!’

As the two of you walked, he chatted annoyingly by your side. What was more annoying was that you found you didn't mind his presence. You were a quiet kid and you didn't have many friends. Having someone to walk home with you was kind of a nice change of pace.

Just as you thought this, though, you immediately chided yourself mentally. You and him were not friends. You weren't going to be friends. This boy was a criminal and he wasn't even sorry about it.

You frowned in thought.

Oh no, what if he got caught? What if you went to juvenile jail for being an accomplice to theft? What would Dad say? What would Mom say? What if—’

‘Hey, are you listening to me? You haven't responded to anything I'm saying.’

You simply sighed as he pulled you out of your thoughts.

‘Are you still mad about the candy? I told you it's not a big deal.’

You stopped as you realised you were approaching your front door. The journey seemed to have gone a little faster than usual.

‘Really?’ you finally replied in an exasperated tone. ‘That was no big deal for you? That was stealing. Stealing is wrong.’ You couldn't believe you had to spell it out to him.

‘They won't notice a couple tiny bags of candy are gone. My mom says big companies that own supermarkets are greedy. They make loads of money anyway and don't pay enough taxes.’

‘Does your mom know you're a thief?’

‘W- well, no, but-’

‘That’s what I thought.’

He looked a little disheartened.

‘Please don't tell anyone. I'm sorry if I upset you,’ he said quietly, looking down.

You hadn't really expected an apology from someone like him. You sighed again.

‘I won't tell, but don't expect me to just go along with it. And don't act like we're best buds all of a sudden. We don't know each other. You don't even know my name!’

‘Well, what's your name?’

You gave him a slightly surprised look before telling him your name, albeit hesitantly.

‘Look, I have to get going now…’

You fumbled with the shopping bag as you reached into your coat pocket, feeling for the house key, when you suddenly felt something that wasn't there before. It made a crinkling sound beneath your touch.

‘You didn't.’ You pulled the candy out of your pocket. ‘When did you—?’

The boy grinned at you.

‘I thought you could have one of mine.’

‘I don't want your stolen candy!’

‘Judging by how you looked at it earlier, I think you do. And besides, stolen treats taste better!’ he called out, already walking away.

‘Wh- SHH!’ You hoped none of your neighbours had heard.

‘I'm Mark by the way! See ya, buddy!’

You stood outside the front door, dumbfounded.

Finally you let yourself in. Your dad wouldn't be home yet for a while.

You put the shopping away and sat down at your kitchen table, staring at the stolen goods in front of you.

You could try to put it back but… that would be more suspicious.

You figured, the deed had been done. There was nothing you could do now, so you may as well make the most of it.

You tore the edge of the packet and popped one of the candies in your mouth, savouring the sweet and sour combination on your tongue.

Maybe Mark was right. It did taste extra good. But maybe it was just because you'd been craving it.

What a weird kid.

‘Stealing is wrong, huh…?’ you mumble under your breath. You look down at the candy in your hands. It's not the same brand as the one from back then, but you imagine it tastes more or less the same, from what you remember.

Present day Mark is the one to pull you out of your musings.

‘Hey, what's with that face you're making? I know that look, buddy. Are you contemplating your life choices??’

You chuckle softly.

‘Just… got reminded of something. I suppose I got lost in nostalgia for a moment.’

‘Oh yeah? Penny for your thoughts?’

You turn and smile at him.

‘This just made me think of an annoying little boy stealing candy from a supermarket. And his reluctant acquaintance who ended up getting dragged into his antics for the foreseeable future.’

It takes a second for it to click.

‘Ohhhhh.’ You watch as realisation turns to him smiling fondly at the memories, which turns to him snapping his attention to you with a fake-offended look.

You laugh at his expression.

‘Wait, hey! Annoying?!’

‘Mhm.’

‘Excuse you, I was a wonderful, sweet and positively charming child.’

Your laughter rings out in the kitchen, full of mirth, and he shakes his head at you with a familiar lopsided grin, and you are so grateful for the cheeky little boy who approached you that day.

[fishy--friend]

GUYS. IVE BEEN FUCKING AROUND WITH POSSIBLE PASSWORDS AND BELOW ARE SOME THAT IVE FOUND THAT WORK.

MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR THISISNOTAWEBSITEDOTCOM.COM BELOW. IF YOU WANT TO TRY AND FIND THESE FOR YOURSELF, DO SO BEFORE READING. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

4 CATEGORIES:

TEXT ON SCREEN

DISPLAYS IMAGES

OPENS TABS

MISCELLANEOUS

ALSO: THIS IS MOST LIKELY UNFINISHED. THIS IS BEING UPDATED AS FREQUENTLY AS I AM DISCOVERING NEW PASSWORDS FOR THE TERMINAL.

1. TEXT ON SCREEN.

T.J. ECKLEBURG: DON'T MENTION THAT NAME AGAIN.

AXOLOTL: YOU ASK ALOTL QUESTIONS

PINES: A GOOD FAMILY TREE

GRAVITY FALLS: NEVER HEARD OF IT.

BOOK OF BILL: HIDE IT UNDER SHIRT DURING PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE

PORTAL: PORTAL.EXE HAS BEEN DELETED. BET YOU COULD BUILD ONE

29121239168518: WHO COMES FROM ZIMTREX 5?

JOURNAL 3: THE JOURNAL FOR ME

JOURNAL 2: THE JOURNAL FOR YOU

JOURNAL 1: THE JOURNAL OF FUN

DEER TEETH: FOR YOU KID!

DISNEY: RAT.GIF HAS BEEN CENSORED FOR YOUR PROTECTION

YOURE INSANE: SURE I AM WHATS YOUR POINT?

TRIANGLE: )

GUN: OH YES OH YES THEY BOTH

MOUNTAIN DONT: WHATS A MEDIEVAL HOMONYM?

3466554: WHAT LEAVES A THIN LINE IN THE SNOW?

DUCKTECTIVE: DUCKTECTIVE STARS IN "LOVE, QUACKTUALLY" COMING TO "OI, ITS THE COCKNEY CHANNEL INNIT?" THIS FALL

BLENDIN: TIME AGENT LOST AND PRESUMED INCOMPETENT

HISTORY: "NUMBER 3 IS THE MAGIC NUMBER" - SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK

YES: WHAT'S MCGUCKETS FAVORITE SODA?

NO: YOUR LOSS...

AM I BLANCHIN: GIRL WE BLANCHIN

SEASON 3: SEASON 2

SEASON 2: SEASON 1

SEASON 1: SEASON -1: ANTIGRAVITY FALLS

GIFFANY: INPUT DELETED. AI ANTIVIRAL ACTIVATED.

GIFFANY (2ND TIME): WARNING SECONDARY FIREWALL BREACHED.

GIFFANY (3RD TIME): FINAL WARNING: SYSTEM UNDER ATTACK

GIFFANY (4TH TIME): SOOS!! I STILL LOVE YOU! WE WILL BE TOGETHER

GIFFANY (5TH TIME): NOW DOWNLOADING GIRLFRIEND (THIS ACTION CANNOT BE UNDONE) (SEE CATEGORY 4 FOR 6TH TIME)

SCRIMBLES: LIFEFORM NOT FOUND

ANSWER: QUESTION

QUESTION: ANSWER

BYE GOLD: BYE!

FAMILY MATTERS: DID I DO THAT?

FILBRICK: IM NOT IMPRESSED.

WHO ARE YOU: I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION

SCIENTOLOGY: SUPPRESSIVE PERSON DETECTED

HOLOGRAM: UNIVERSE

REALITY: IS AN ILLUSION

THE UNIVERSE: HOLOGRAM

2. DISPLAYS IMAGES

THERAPRISM: ELEVATOR INSTRUCTIONS

STANFORD/SIXER/FORD: MEDICAL DOCUMENTS

LOVE: IMAGE OF A BOOK TITLED "THE LOVE TRIANGLE"

PACIFICA: NOTE FROM PACIFICA

DIPPER: BILL TRYING TO GET DIPPER TO LOOK IN THE SUN FOR 13 HOURS STRAIGHT

BLIND EYE: EYESIGHT TEST

MASON: NOTE FROM DIPPER

ROBBIE: ONLINE CHATS

WENDY: NOTE FROM WENDY

SOOS: NOTE FROM SOOS

SPOOKY/SCARY: BOOK

LALALA/BABY BILL: DO NOT ASK.

HORROR: THE "ALWAYS GARDEN"

IRREGULAR: COLORIZED MUGSHOTS

DIVORCE: O SADLEY'S BEER BRANDING

PLATINUM PAZ: ONE OF PACIFICA'S NIGHTMARES.

ABOVE IS A CODE I FOUND.

SORRY: UNRIPPED PICTURE OF STAN AND FIDDS IN COLLEGE

AD ASTRA PER ASPERA: DIARY ENTRIES ABOUT BILL'S STATUE

BAAAA: PASSAGE ABOUT SHEEP. MUSIC CUTS OUT.

BOOBERRY: A QUESTION MARK CALLED "THE MEANING OF LIFE"

SEVEN EYES: IMAGE OF THE ORACLE

GOODNIGHT SALLY: BILL T-SHIRT

DESTRUCTION IS A FORM OF CREATION: FIDDS GOES INSANE: THE NOTES

3. OPENS TABS

BILL/CIPHER/BILL CIPHER: WIKIPEDIA PAGE ON THE EYE OF PROVINCE

STANLEY: EBAY SALES FOR BRASS KNUCKLES

MCGUCKET: YT VID OF COTTON EYE JOE

MEOW: VID OF TIKTOK OF THEME COVERED BY CAT PIANO

BLANCHIN: YT VID ON HOW TO BLANCH VEGETABLES

WADDLES: GOES TO A PIG WEBSITE

ABUELITA: VID ON BEST VACUUMS FOR FLOORS AND CEILINGS

STANLEY (3RD TIME): DOGS PLAYING POKER ON EBAY

STANLEY (4TH): 8 BALL CANE ON EBAY

STANLEY (5TH) MAE GIRDLE ON EBAY

STANLEY (6TH) SHRINER FEZ ON EBAY

STANLEY (7TH) COLONEL SANDERS TIE ON EBAY

MONSTER: GOOGLES "THERES A MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK"

ALEX HIRSCH: GOOGLES "FLANNEL"

MYSTERY SHACK: GOOGLES "CONFUSION HILL"

4. MISCELLANEOUS

GIDEON: AUDIO CLIP OF HIM SINGING

MABEL: ADDS STICKERS TO THE HOMEPAGE

WEIRD: VIDEO OF WEIRD AL

CRYPTOGRAM CODEX: DOWNLOADS FILES

GOD: VID OF ALEX'S AXOLOTL

VALLIS CINERIS: WEIRD VID OF BABY BILL

HECTORING: SONG FROM ONE OF BILL'S BANDS

CONSPIRACY: VID OF SOMEONE FREAKING OUT OVER THE WEBSITE, BY THEN COUNTING BACKWARDS STILL

DORITO: WIERD ASS VID OF A DORITO

SCREEN: MAKES NOISE, I CANT SEE WHAT IT IS

ONE EYED KING: HYPNOSIS VIDEO

MATPAT: VID OF HIM SAYING "YOURE ON YOUR OWN"

GIFFANY (6TH TIME ENTERING HER NAME): DOWNLOADS "IMNEVERLEAVING.ZIP"

STANLEY (8TH) TAKES YOU TO THE WHEEL OF SHAME! (SECRETS FOR A FUTURE POST)

BABBA/DISCO GIRL: DIPPER SINGS DISCO GIRL (A PERSONAL FAV)

IM STILL ON: A VIDEO OF THE SEA GRUNKS

LIES: THE GAME OF LIE

TANTRUM: RANT BETWEEN BILL AND TIME BABY

IF YOU FIND ANYTHING ELSE, LET ME KNOW.

[h4m1lt0ns]

HEARTBREAK SYNDROME.

episode eleven :: “REDBULL FANS”

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ pairing ︴various drivers x y/n

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ genre ︴social media au / irl snippets

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ summary ﹔musical releases resume and so does the drama.

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ face claim ﹔ wonyoung jang (28)

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ warnings ﹕ excessive cussing, none.

ylnestate

♡ liked by lewishamilton, carlossainz55 and 18,450,948 more.

ylnestate U&U no. 44 will be released tonight at midnight. ‘Grandstand Girl’ is the 44th mini album by ﹫y/n and features artists like ﹫theweeknd, ﹫justinbieber, and ﹫champagnepapi. All songs (apart from Trust Issues) were produced and written by Y/n in the past couple months as she’s currently working on her biggest record yet, so stay tuned for that 😉⭐️!

tagged: theweeknd, champagnepapi, justinbieber.

1,492,592 comments.

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username U&U MEANS FULL ALBUM ON THE WAYYYYYY THANK YOU MOTHER 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

justinbieber thank you for having me ❤️ love you

username CLAIMING I DONT DO DRUGS

username i’m new here!!! what’s does U&U mean?

→ username u&u stands for undecided and unreleased, y/n usually drops u&u eps right before an album when she has songs that don’t fit the genre/make sense with the rest of the album. they usually consist of 2-6 songs and this one is ep number 44! hope this helped 💗

→ username totally did!!!! thank u bae

username NEW ALBUM ON THE WAY?????????

[liked by y/n]

username oh my god I CAN NOT RIGHT NOW. LOOORD.

theweeknd 💙💜

username drake finally got that feature 🤣

williamsracing UHM EXCITING????

→ mercedesamgf1 you leave OUR girl alone 🤨

→ williamsracing can i be a stan in peace pls

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username let me be delulu for a sec. what are the odds that u&u no. 44 is called ‘GRANDSTAND girl’ 🤨 looking at you lewis

→ username wait.

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→ username oh yall crazy 😟 (i believe you)

→ username lewishamilton explain yourself.

fernandoalo_oficial slay

→ username WHAT

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→ username NANDO WHAT IS THIS SKDKEK

jensonbutton i already knew abt this yet i’m still surprised

→ y/n u should be used to my bullshit by now 🤨

→ sebastianvettel i know i am lol

→ username “slay” “abt” “lol” who are you folks anymore

→ username no bc like.

→ aussiegrit it’s the y/n effect

→ username MARK WHAT ???????????

lilymhe how dare you

→ lilymhe do it again 🤭

landonorris NEEDED A FIX OF YOU ����

→ charles_leclerc NOT JUST A KISS FROM YOU 🗣

→ yukitsunoda0511 I NEEDED MORE 🗣

→ username SPOILERS?????

→ landonorris yes.

username YES?????

y/n

♡ liked by lewishamilton, oscarpiastri and 11,393,159 more.

y/n SEBASTIAN VETTEL PLEASE COME BACK 💔 adopted another papaya fucker and a williams kid ft. fernando rizzlonso and sir lew 🩷

993,593 comments.

y/l/nestate more kids?

username LEWIS 👊🏽 IS SO 👊🏽 HANDSOME 🗣

→ mercedesamgf1 real

username all this content today i feel like a ten year old at a sephora 😍😍😍

username THE ROSCOE STICKER.

→ mercedesamgf1 so cute isn’t he 😍

→ username ADMIND KAKFJSKSK

username lewis graduated from a bank cause that face card can’t decline.

username how does he *just* look like that ????!,!,’ 😭

username FERNANDO RIZZLONSO.

fernandoalo_oficial in slayzuka

→ username IN WHERE????

username YESSSS OSCAR AND LOGAN 🔥🔥🔥🔥

username aRE WE GONNA IGNORE HE COVERING MAX’S FACE WITH A ROSCOE STICKER???

username WHAT THE FUCK IS A KILOMETRE 🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

landonorris new brothers unlocked

→ logansargeant hello brother

→ landonorris hello, i hope you know you’re my step brother bc i don’t share y/n 🙏🏼

→ oscarpiastri what about me?

→ landonorris read the terms and conditions, same rules apply to every adopted kid AFTER lando norris 🫶🏻

→ logansargeant ok

→ username PLS

→ username TERMS AND CONDITIONS 😭😭😭

yukitsunoda0511 why does lewis get the good photos

→ y/n he was literally just standing there and he looked good

→ georgerussell63 not fair u always catch the rest of us off guard

→ y/n i caught him off guard too, maybe he’s not the problem 🤭

→ charles_leclerc I’m-

→ lewishamilton ﹫y/n thank you love 🖤🥰

→ username pls don’t flirt with my gf

→ username she will leave us for u in a heartbeat sir PLS stop 🙏🏽

username casually posts after ep announcement, no one like you, y/n y/l/n.

mercedesamgf1 pls bring lewis and george back, we need you three in the office rn 🩷🎀🩷🎀🩷🎀

→ y/n on our way rn 🏃‍♀️

carlossainz55 you adopted oscar???

→ y/n yeah.

→ carlossainz55 oh.

→ y/n if u have a problem with my son u talk to me 🤨

→ oscarpiastri thanks mum

→ username … is the beef squashed now??

→ username i mean.. i hope

[ohbabydollie]

omg so i’m new here but i currently have brainrot for 2 things

1) being a famous celebrity (sortaaaa like the famous streamer one but more famous) where ur like, an actress or model, things like that. and having a semi-public relationship with schlatt where you’ll be spotted holding hands on occasion, or on a red carpet but not really publicly discussing your relationship (even though everyone knows you’re together), and everyone is either super happy and ships the ever loving shit out of you, or they clown on you a bit and make “who’s punching up” videos and odd comments, and just not giving a fuck and being happy together but kinda wanting to be viewed like any other couple and not just another famous couple to be analyzed. (also similar to mutual break up but you don’t care about hate and stay together)

AND

2) schlatt made a joke about having his cock out in the latest chuckle sandwich episode and….. giving him head under his desk when he films….. for some things, like recordings where he’s not showing his face, it’s easy, but when he has his face out, it’s a bit more challenging. he has to restrain the urge to watch you and moan SOOO bad…. that’s all.

LMAO NONNIE THE FIRST ONE, I HAD TOO

okay, let’s say you’re a celebrity that is agreed by men, women, etc. to be absolutely stunning

so many people that love you, call you their wife, etc.

you are an absolute style icon, wearing pieces made for you to exclusive red carpet events

even people who hate you have to agree you’ve got a great style in clothes and makeup and yes, you’re iconic, at least a little

then somehow you make your way to the youtube community

people assume from you being so open and sweet and social is how you find yourself starring in a project directed by Ted Nivison

you’re so excited for it, interacting with other creators, etc.

Jschlatt knows of you, but thinks you’re probably like all those LA stuck up influencers that managed to make enough connections to get what you wanted

but when he has his first interaction with you on twitter??

he’s taking the chance to flirt with you publicly

in any way shape or form

and is so public about his crush on you to the point everyone is convinced he runs a stan account for you

you both do get closer behind the scenes but don’t tell much people about it

especially considering his jokes that people love taking seriously and out of context

you both are pretty secretive about it, super down low about it until the day he decides to pay for your nails

a small j is on the underside of your ring finger as to not show it off too much

it can’t even be seen unless it’s up close

then someone points it out on twitter in a selfie

you say it was dirt, but they know what they saw

then the paparazzi comes in and takes a photo that goes viral of you in sweats and a suspiciously familiar wilson hoodie

you say it a coincidence over and over again but the evidence is undeniable when you post multiple selfies in familiar hoodies that look just a little too large for you

small scratches and bite marks on your arms but you never mentioned getting a cat

then you appear in a chuckle sandwich interview

but the vibe is different in that video compared to the rest with guests

schlatt is polite??? and listening to you??

he looks at you with so much affection

yeah, your team does damage control and quickly

claiming that you’re currently single and focused on your career

then you fuck up on your own

a misclick on a story made for your close friends of you kissing your boyfriend’s cheek as he has the biggest smile ever plastered on his face

oh well, too late to deny anymore

so you don’t say anything until your next red carpet event where he’s essentially your accessory

like arm candy and dressed to match you

then everyone definitely knows

and let me tell you, some stans are sobbing

lots of “i waited 3 1/2 years, white man did it in one week” from fans and other celebrities

punching the air too

lots of crying and audios after they realize you’re dating him fr fr and not them

people definitely make memes out of it

goddess s/o and bf they probably found digging around in the trash and probably has rabies

yk that one meme of shining armor and princess cadence?

yeah, that + other attractive partner and their silly bf

so so so many of those “do you think we’re…in another universe?” slides

they clip any time he talks about you and use it for edits

editing characters you play with c! schlatt (it’s giving jack frost x elsa)

they love the two of you and seriously cannot get enough

but they really are punching the air when he marries you and when he gets you pregnant (if applicable)

[darkmajesty-xo]

Ready Player 1 ? - Shigaraki x reader

18+ MDNI | masturbation, praise , video chats, crack-humor

most would consider it unwise for a girl like you to be in these chat rooms due to the questionable discourse and rather infamous patrons, but girls just wanna have fun right ?

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: saw an old couple today, could be me and shig but he’s playing ☹️

user2345: i think you mean planning* as in planning world domination and torment of quirkless losers like you.

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: oh sweetheart you’ll never get any pussy if you keep acting like one

user3333: damn bro, you gonna take that ?

user2345: who gives a shit about some villain groupie ?

user2345: she keeps her mouth so full of cum that it’s starting to affect her whore brain.

user2345: do you really think the true leader of the new world would make time for some dumb cunt like you ?

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: there’s probably a higher chance of tomura shigaraki and i living happily ever after than there is of ANY woman even looking in your direction.

this was a normal friday night, you simping over shigaraki in the forums and clapping back at the misogynistic incels that hid behind their keyboards in their mothers’ basements. but there was one guy that always stood up for you whenever the idiots got too out of hand. he was also a moderator so he had no problems blocking them.

the two of you would dm off and on about life , thoughts on hero society, hobbies , etc. from your chats you gathered that he didn’t walk that straight and narrow but that didn’t mean much to you. he would sometimes tease your about your crush on shigaraki and your general taste in men.

finalboss: honestly, what kind of girl likes a criminal?; who knows what kind of twisted shit the guys into— you’re not even a villain.

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: you know nothing jon snow

finalboss: that reference just confirmed btw

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: i’ll have you know that my beloved is a certified otaku fantasy nerd.

finalboss: oh yeah ? and how’d you obtain such info ?

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: i run 3 stan accounts on twitter and i belong to a shiggy fan club 🥹

finalboss: 😃

finalboss: seek help

finalboss: 😃

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: you wound me ☹️

finalboss: i’ll just leave that too your Prince Charming lol

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: oh lord , did you see the footage of his latest attack ?

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: he was dressed like a whoreee 😩😩

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: tits just out for my viewing pleasure

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: shigaraki is my shepherd, he know what i want.

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: wanna suck on those sugar nips and call him mommy

finalboss: you get weirder and weirder every time we chat

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: that means we’re becoming besties ㅤ♡ ︎

finalboss: ♡ ︎

it was nice having someone to talk to about your secret obsession, it’s not like your “real life” friends would understand. the two of you had carved out your own little piece of the internet to goof around in. he never disclosed much information about himself and typically kept the conversations focused on you, but you still felt an undeniable bond to this faceless stranger.

then he ghosted you.

weeks went by without a word from your friend. he no longer defended you in the forums and he didn’t respond to any of your dms. you’d started to get worried that he may have been arrested or worse. and at the three month mark you’d finally given up hope that you’d ever hear from your friend again. but then the unexpected happened.

finalboss is requesting to video chat.

this was completely out of character but after months with no word, you were desperate to hear from your friend.

you were prepared to chew him him out for abandoning you. thinking of all the ways you could insult him while simultaneously expressing your need for his comfort and company. but your mind went blank when the grainy screen loaded into the pixelated image of your companion.

whispy tendrils fell from his bun, framing the sculpted planes of his handsome face. his lips were dry, slightly chapped, with the only lubrication being the sheen of saliva left by the slow drag of his tongue. bloodied eyes bore into your own leaving you breathless and dazed.

“hey bestie”

his voice was low and raspy, almost like a whisper. a deep rumbling that echoed in your ear drums. it was oddly hypnotic. he was absolutely mesmerizing.

tomura chuckled into the camera, showing flashes of perfectly white teeth. he leans back into the chair, a hand on the back of his neck showcasing a broad chest and toned abs.

“didn’t expect you to be this quiet, bestie. is my outfit not slutty enough for you ? i could always take these off…” his hand fell from his neck to rest and the waistband of his black jeans.

you remained speechless, eyes glued to the light dusting of hair below his belly button.

more laughter and shifting. now you were met with the glorious girth of shigaraki’s cock clenched tightly in his fist. the darkened tip oozed a sparkling trail of pre that spilled down his length. his thumb swiped the fluid to spread over his veiny member.

“c’mon , doll. don’t leave me hanging” he teased, squeezing his fist upwards to produce more pre. “i thought you wanted to be my ‘mc’ ? seems more like an npc if you ask me”.

“y-you’re him” you stammered, eyes following the slow drag of his fist. “you’re tomura shigaraki”.

“in the flesh” he teased, shooting a wink that went directly between your legs. “well kinda, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. sorry i’ve been away so long, but you’d wait forever for me won’t you , perfect girl ?”

your nod was automatic. robotic even. you’d moved closer to the screen, completely engrossed by his ministrations.

“anything for you beyon—shiggy”

you both laughed at that. he appreciated your humor, especially with all the drama in his day to day. even in def con simp mode and being ghosted didn’t stop you from being undeniably you. that’s probably why he was as obsessed with you as you were with him.

“i know we probably have alot to discuss but todays been kind of shitty and i’d really like to explore our final fantasies”.

you snorted, “that was really bad , shig”.

he shrugged, “i’m a villain, not a comedian, beloved. “now show me that perfect little pussy”.

[piss-pumpkin]

🌲home🌲

Older!Dipper pines x reader

~3.2k words Chapter 1 of Douce amere,

Master list

The air in Gravity Falls was different. Maybe nostalgia clouded your perception, and maybe that was okay. It still smelled like pine and cedar and adventure here. And the day had that electric feel. It was the day they were coming.

Your alarm blared, and you groaned in response, grasping under your pillow to find your phone and silence it. Nine AM, on the dot. An early morning at the start of summer was a punishment in itself, but you had good reason today. Their bus came in at noon, and you had to be ready, meet them at the stop with the Grunkles and gang. You stumbled out of bed, and started to get dressed.

Half of you wanted to just wear pyjamas and spare yourself the trouble. The other half wanted to dress as nice as possible to snag attention. They hadn’t seen you in person in a year, even him. You sighed at yourself for giving into the stereotype, but you did want to catch his attention. No pyjamas today.

As you started to brush your teeth, you could feel the anxiety. As exciting as it was to start a new summer with them, it was scary too. What if they’ve changed? What if I’ve changed? You texted and called a lot, but… 

You shook your head, trying to clear the thought. They were friends. Always were and always will be. You hoped. 

Still, that wasn’t the only pain. You were older now. It was one of the last summers you’d be able to spend here with them before high school ended. You had to squeeze every bit of fun out of it while you could. Time seemed to slow here, but it still passed. Summer still ended eventually, despite everything. 

You shook your head again. The very beginning wasn’t the time to think about the end. 

Dressed and ready, you grabbed an apple and started to the mystery shack, a few hours before they were set to arrive. “Bye, Y/n! Have a good day!” you aunt shouted from the kitchen. 

“Bye, Susan, you too!” You called back. She was incredibly kind to let you stay with her, lazy Susan. 

The shack was close, and the soft grass folded under your shoes and wet them with dew. “Y/n!” You hear Soos call from the porch. He was still sporting the question mark shirt, but it was under a suit jacket, and the hat he wore was the fez Stan had given him all those years ago. 

“Soos!” You shouted back, waving as you jogged your to him. 

“Dude, I am so stoked for today, you don’t even know,” he said, leading you inside. 

“Dude, I know too well,” you laughed. “Ugh I can’t wait, I should have slept in more.”

Wendy popped her head in from the break room, “amen, man, I’ve been here since seven.”

You cringed, and clenched a fist near your chest, “My condolences.”

The mid morning passed quickly though, despite everything. There was still that static feeling, and it only grew as the day went. And eventually, the time did in fact come. The time to go to the bus stop and meet them. You had to. All of you. Stan, Ford, Soos, Wendy, none of you were willing to prolong the meeting any further. The only shame was that Candy and Grenda were still out of town. 

                                             …

The bus was rolling in, all to slowly for your liking. For everyone’s liking. You could feel how the people around you were buzzing with excitement too. One year was far to long away from these people. Your people. The bus came to a stop seemingly at your feet.

The door seemed to slide open agonizingly slowly, but against all odds, it opened. Out came Mabel, screaming.

”Aaaaaugh! Guys!” She yelled, jumping out of the bus and skipping the stairs. She threw he luggage aside as she managed to envelope everyone in a group hug before they had time to respond. 

Stan was the first to recover, quickly leaning into the hug. “Kid, you get taller every time I see you!”

Ford laughed, “You almost beat Stan and I.”

You almost spoke, but your eye caught on the second person leaving the bus. Dipper had a wide smile on his face as he watched the scene. With a sigh, he placed his bags with Mabel’s and joined he hug. 

“Dip!” You found yourself exclaiming, along with Wendy. The both of you maneuvered to let him in the centre of the hug. 

There they were, at last. Dipper and Mabel, Mabel and Dipper. Here. Home. You smiled, barely hearing the words around you as you buried your face in Mabel’s hair and Dipper shoulder. They smelt a bit musty from the bus ride, and a bit like Mabel’s strawberry shampoo. This was the place to be. You squeezed tighter. So did they.

                                               …

Walking back to the shack was nice, pleasant, nostalgic. Dipper and Ford talked science, while Stan interjected to call them nerds. Soos and Wendy were chatting, and You and Mabel were catching up behind them. 

It wasn’t like you didn’t call and text, but there was so much you had to just say. But Mabel was, on occasion, a stinker. She had a smug grin on her face as she drifted back a bit behind he others, prompting you to follow. 

“So Y/n, are you gonna do anything about your crush on-“

You threw your hand towards Mabel, and covered her mouth before she got his name out. She immediately started to lick it, but you stayed strong. Your head whipped in front of you to Dipper and the rest of them before looking back to Mabel, who’s smirk you could see in her eyes. “Dude, what the fuck?” You whispered. Or maybe it was more of a hiss. “Don’t just say that! Not now!” You wiped your wet hand on your pants.

She giggled. “Fine, fine,” Mabel shrugged, still smirking smugly. “Just trying to help is all.”

You pursed your lips, and squinted at her. “Somehow I don’t believe that… and who says I need help?” You turned your head away from her with an uplifted chin to add an air of smug snottiness to your question. 

“Uhh, the fact that you’ve been pining for like, two years, and are still single?” Mabel said dryly. You could still hear the shit eating grin in her voice, “But hey, what’s a professional matchmaker to that, hmm?”

You winced, “Okay you have a point.” You snapped your eyes back to her, and smiled, a slightly evil and cunning smile. “But this summer, I have a plan… this is the one I can feel it.”

Mabel faked a gasp, pressing her palm to her open mouth, “My gosh? A plan?” She mocked. “You sound like Dipstick now.”

”Oh god, don’t say that,” you laughed. “This isn’t like his plans, this one is simple, honestly.

Mabel looked quizzically at you in response. Her hands started to come it her eyes, nearly forming her skepticals.

”No really, don’t even with that,” you said, swatting her hands down. “I say plan but it’s really just… an idea. I’m just gonna flirt, like a lot. Like really smooth, hopefully. Or try to, at least.” Saying it out loud, you almost felt embarrassed, a slight heat creeping onto your cheeks.

Mabel on the other hand, looked ecstatic. Her head was on a swivel looking between you and Dipper. “Okay, that’s a plan I can get behind,” she said. “I think you could have moves, I see the potential.”

You stifled a laugh, “Glad to hear it, glad your rooting for me.”

”Of course I am!” She said, hands flying into the hair for effect. She turned to you as you walked, and pointed to your face with one hand, the other resting on her hip. “And I will do my absolute best to assist your noble quest whenever possible, should you choose to call upon my services!” 

You played into the bit. “Appreciated, you are like my loyal knight and this is a war which we must win together.” You clasped her pointing hand in yours, “We will prevail!”

Mabel’s eyes lit up, “Fuck yeah we will!” She yelled. A bit too loud. Dipper and Soos turned their heads in front of you, shooting you curious looks. 

Ever smooth, you shot them back a snap and a finger gun. Dipper only smiled, giving Soos a light punch punch the  arm before drifting back to walk with you and Mabel, at your side. He laughed, “Fuck yeah you will what?”

You smirked, and stroked your chin with faux smugness. “Mmm, wouldn’t you like to know, Dip.”

Mabel chimed in, “Yeah, we got secrets, we’re scheming!”

Dipper rolled his eyes as he chuckled, “God, that has to be a new record for you guys, we’ve been here a whole five minutes and you’re already plotting shit.”

You smirked, and did your best to maintain eye contact. “Hey, I always am, it’s how I keep life interesting.”

”Life is very much that when you’re involved,” Dipper laughed. 

You could feel Mabel’s eyes burning into the back of your skull as she held her tongue and listened to your banter. Involuntarily, your smile widened.

”And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said. 

You laughed, “You couldn’t even if you wanted to.”

He blushed, his cheeks turning a slight pink colour, hopefully at your comment. First blush of the summer, hopefully the first of many you’d get from him, he was rather cute when he blushed. You were particularly fond of how the corners of his mouth curled up when he did, in the slightest of smiles.

”Welcome home, kids!” You heard Stan yell in front of you.  He turned around to walk backwards toward the shack so he was facing you and the twins. “Finally, am I right?”

Ford kept his back to you, but turned his head so you could see his eyes, “we’ve been looking forward to you kids coming back for a while, if you couldn’t tell.”

”Stans been driving me up the walls talking about you guys for months,” Wendy chuckled. “Y/n too for the last few days.”

You couldn’t help yourself, ”Hey, I did not!” you defended.

Soos snickered, “dude, you totally did.”

You pursed your lips and hummed lowly in disapproval. They were probably right, but that wasn’t something you’d outwardly admit. “Yeah whatever, nerds, that’s not how I remember it.”

Stan cackled, ”The congratulations, you got Alzheimer’s before the seventy year old man!”

You grumbled, trapped in this conversational corner. Mabel smiled, and elbowed your side, “Awww, somebody missed us!”

Dipper spoke too, “That much?” he asked, a little too innocently. Innocent enough to be mocking. 

You scoffed, “like you guys are any better.”

You all moved inside the shack to get settled in the living room, all still chatting. Dipper and Mabel’s suit cases were leaned against a wall by the stairs. 

Mabel pushed Dipper hard on the back towards you. “You’re right, Y/n, this little rascal hasn’t shut up about you guys for a week.” Dipper whipped his head around to glare at her, as if a threat. She snickered, “especially you, Y/n,” she teased. 

Dipper spun his head back around to look at you, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Not like that-“he sputtered, a blush in his cheeks. 

You smiled. If you had to guess, you’d call if fifty/fifty it was actually not like that. You hoped anyway. Fifty/fifty on a good day, twenty-five/seventy-five against you on most others. “I believe it, Mabel is a half reliable source at best.”

”Hey!”

Stan chimed in and spoke to Mabel, “Hate to agree with Y/n, but they are completely right, sweetie.”

                                             …

The conversation moved, and you all caught up with everyone. As much as you already had, having arrived a few days before the twins, there was always more to say, more stories to tell. A lot can happened between summers. 

And eventually, it simmered down, and the twins started to try and settle in. 

There was a double edged sword to that, being, the twins still shared a room despite their age. It was slightly more annoying now then it was when they were twelve, especially to you, who occasionally wanted to hangout there with Dipper, and divorce yourself from Mabel’s match making antics from time to time. 

Mabel took her bags up first, running up the stairs with haste and excitement. You walked up behind Dipper, catching his attention, and did you best at a little bow. “May I help with your bags, m’lady,” you asked.

Dipper grimaced and recoiled, but a smile crossed his lips. “You sound like a redditor,” he snickered as he started to pick up his suitcases. 

You shrugged, “Your loss.”

He smiled, “I wouldn’t let m’lady strained their perfect hands.”

You laughed as you walked with him up the stairs. “Ew, yeah, I hear it. Never again, no more m’lady, too neckbeard for me.”

”Good, because I took a lot of psychic damage from that,” he said. “You can mimic the Redditor mannerisms with freakish accuracy, right down to the face.”

You put your hand to your chest, feigning hurt. “I take incredible offence to that, I do not have Reddit face,” you scoffed. 

As you approached the door to the attic, you stepped in front of Dipper to open it for him, who had full hands. Mabel was already laying on the bed with Waddles, kicking her feet in the air as she laid on her stomach. There were already posters on the wall and stuffed animals on the bed, too. 

Dipper barely batted and eye, moving to his side of the room with a small comment, “you work fast.”

Mabel shocked, ”You know me, they call me sonic in the-“

“Buddy,” you cut her off. “You finishing that sentence would actually kill me.”

She smirked, and rolled on her back to face you. “There’s a joke there about finishing, but I don’t wanna look for it.”

”Everyday you find new ways to disgust me.”

“Imagine living with her,” Dipper added, taking folded clothes out of his suitcase. 

Mabel grumbled, but said nothing and instead rolling over and looked at her phone. Waddles oinked beside her.

“Hey, it’s summer, I can imagine it perfectly well.”

Dipper laughed, and sat on the bed, looking at you with a smile. “Yeah… you do pretty much live here in the summer, huh?”

You sat down next to him, and grabbed the old musty pillow that rested at the head. “Good thing or bad thing?” 

He looked away, and laughed slightly, “Good thing.”

                                            …

The day went by, remarkably fast. The sun set, the energy simmered, people left. Soos and Wendy went home, leaving you chatting with Stans late at night. You didn’t quite want to leave yet. Instead, you nodded and snapped a finger gun to Stan and Ford, and quietly ascended the stairs to the twins room.

Mabel was sleeping already, snoring lightly. Not loud enough to bother you much. Dipper though, was reading. A small lamp in the bedside table illuminated the small space by his bed, where he sat upright against the headboard. “Dip,” you said quietly. “What are we reading?”

He looked up from his novel with wide eyes, as if broken from a trance. “Oh, God- y/n,” he stuttered, startled. “Are you staying over?”

You bounded over to the bed and took a seat next to him, nestling your feet under the blanket. “Yeah, but that’s not the point,” you said, leaning on his shoulder and glancing at the books pages. “What are we reading?” 

His skin was warm on your hands and arms as you leaned on him. His loose t-shirt was soft, too. He stammered a bit, “Oh, well- it’s a mystery novel, a murder, detectives…” Dipper looked at you for a flicker, as if checking to see if you were still interested. “There’s these two brothers that are the main characters, and this one guy who’s their partner.” Dipper taps the pages, and chews his lip. “But I have my suspicions about one of them.”

You hum slightly in a hushed laugh. “So tell me now, who’s the killer?”

Dipper rolled his neck, cracking it. “Man, I really think it’s the partner guy, but it’s awful because one of the brothers is in love with him.”

You winced, “oh shit.” You knew the feeling, empathy for a doomed character. “That kind of sucks for him.” Dipper nodded, and turned the page. He was maybe halfway through the book. you read along with him, trying to gain whatever you could from the out of context scenes. “So should I pick it up, or wait for you to finish it so I can read your next book with you?”

Very quickly you felt heat radiating from him. You did your best not to pull away in the inherent embarrassment of closeness, pushing though the fact that you made him blush again to stay leaned against him, your chin rested gently near his collar bone. “Well I mean- this one is really good, I’ll admit, but I may have just spoiled it for you…”

You waved your hand as he turned another page. “Eh, I don’t mind too bad. Mystery isn’t even my main genre, I just love the book club,” you said. It was nothing but true, it didn’t matter the quality of the book if you were reading it with him, or anyone really. But mainly him, or sometimes Mabel. Even if it was the worst book ever written, it was at least fun to discuss it and make fun of it together. 

“Well in that case, yeah I’d recommend it,” he said. “Wanna borrow my copy when I finish?”

”Mmhmmm,” you hummed, tired. “Or I could just read with you, I guess. I’m sure the first half wasn’t that important.”

Dipper shook his head, a slight and baffled smile forming across his lips. “I disrespectfully disagree with you,” he said, turning the page.

You yawned, “That’s… rude.” Your eyes were sluggish as they followed along with the words. Dipper started to turn the page again, before you were ready. You quickly cut him off, “Hey, hey, wait for me, I’m tired, alright?”

He turned the page back, “Alright, alright,” he yawned in response. 

You pawed at the pages when you finished, and on the next one, Dipper waited for you to do it again before turning it. And then, again. 

And somewhere along the way, you fell asleep, sitting with him on his bed, head leaned on his shoulder, and feet warmly huddled under the blanket. It was summer, and everything was okay again, home, in gravity falls. Whatever the summer held for you, whether it be mystery, adventure, love… you were ready. Whatever summer could throw at you, you were ready

Next chapter

Hello! This is a part of my Multi chapter dipper x reader story, I love it a lot, it’s one of those fics that’s like my baby. This was the first chapter written so yeah, it’s kinda rough. I really don’t wanna reread it so if there’s spelling errors lmk I guess😭

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Jimin and Jungkook in the same car together was the gift that kept on giving. Besides how at ease they were with each other, the banter made it all so much better. Because even then, they had a huge smile on their face. I know it's easy for me (and others) to call Jungkook a brat (he can be), but Jimin is no better and sometimes he likes to push Jungkook's buttons to get a reaction out of him.

Yes, that is definitely how a dongsaeng should talk to his hyung. That dynamic was either all over the place or completely absent. It felt more like they were both on equal footing and sometimes it should shift but I couldn't sense any of that more traditional age based relationship they are supposed to be having.

And all this for to me say that I have this tiny desire to witness a real argument. We know how they deal with conflict within their relationship through the retelling of their rainy day fight, but that was ages ago. They are more mature now, with their relationship in a different stage and that brings other issues to the surface. The short and heavily edited conversation about the lack of quality time was a small window into that. Both were laughing and indeed in wasn't a serious conversation, but it did confirm once again how needy and attached Jungkook is. And that doesn't exist in a vacuum. It can show through more cute/funny "moments" on camera, but we all know there's many ways for that to manifest.

What I'm trying to say is that as much as I emphasize that all I want is to enjoy KM, the truth is that it doesn't only include cute moments. I enjoy when they argue or when one is not in the mood or maybe bored, etc. Or when they disagree. It's a mark of authenticity there in terms of how they agree to come across on screen as individuals, but also it's the complexity of their relationship, regardless of its nature.

Often, the issue was (and still is) with the difficulty of putting Jikook in a box. To clearly define their relationship and dynamic. As opposed to other ships which a lot of the times heavily rely on fictional tropes and it's easily noticeable in ships across k-pop fandoms. The behavior might have variations, but the fans are set with their definition of what that pair is like. The bigger part of its component remains the same due to circumstances, personality, type of content, etc.

Even with the BTS fandom/solo stans and all factions of micro-fandoms, they can't really pinpoint jikook and tend to take the fanservice route (which is a confirmation in itself of what they actually see, but I digress). They're not the bickering duo, the married couple or any other trope-like dynamic. With AYS and having access to Jikook in a format that allows us to take a closer look at less interrupted interactions, it becomes even more difficult to pin them down. Which, if not an indication of an actual romantic relationship (the shipping perspective), at least it clearly shows a life spent together outside cameras that seeps in at every turn. At a complaint, a commentary, a familiar touch.

To be continued...

[babybluebex]

bex how do you feel about the jq news

dreaded getting this question but knew it would happen eventually, and this got long so like tl;dr - i think it's fake, and i don't want to talk about it anymore.

i think it's a fake PR stunt, bc joe and that woman are so fundamentally different that i don't know how they could have organically come together and could avoid conversations that revolve around the bad shit she's done (amongst MANY other things, her blatant hatred and mistreatment of her fans like. the man who cried onstage at a convention bc he was so thankful to have fans. verus. a woman who calls her fans weird and tells them to get a job and is such an asshole to them like. how do you find a middle ground/compromise with a partner on smth like that??)

and also how he's been pictured with a woman publicly like twice in two years, but all the sudden there's pictures out the ass of them together, and he's all PDA on her? it's behavior we've never seen from him before, and it's too weird and different from his typical self that it doesn't feel genuine at all to me (and also he's forever beebopping around london because he lives there and NOBODY ever posts pics of him out and about, but suddenly here's three/four pics in one day?? and people being like "oh it looks like fan pics and not paparazzi pics", like paparazzi can take pictures on phones as easily as regular people on the street can. just sayin.)

also also the story breaking on DEUXMOI instead of like leaking to a twitter stan account first?? knowing deuxmoi's reputation, the fact the entire thing originated from them stinks to high heaven to me

but again. this is my interpretation of what's going on. i could be wildly off the mark, but it's my own solace to think it's fake, bc the alternative is that joe is giving attention to a white supremacist neo nazi apologist who makes fun of her fans. and i have put so much of my time/money/attention towards him that it would be so disappointing to find out that he's ok with this sort of behavior, to the point where he'll DATE her.

and in all honesty, i'm just exhausted. this is ab to get trauma dump-ish, but my real life is so stressful rn (for many reasons, but two of the biggest factors being my mother being in and out of the hospital for the past few months, along with being treated like shit at a job that i really enjoy and might have to end up quitting this job bc of said mistreatment), and i come online to escape real life stress, and all of this is making me want to bite people. like online has become miserable for me bc i'm so worried ab opening twitter/tumblr and seeing ANOTHER thing ab someone i like doing things that are icky/distressing. like i hate it here rn, i'm so for real.

i'm grateful that many people seem to be in agreement that this is fake and aren't posting the pics/vids here (or if they are, it just hasn't crossed my dash), but like i'm tired of this. a hiatus might be in order until everyone chooses to calm the fuck down and stop doing things that stress me out 😅 online is supposed to be a fun escape, but lately it's been stressing me out to the point where i won't even OPEN my twitter in fear of seeing something that distresses me even more and makes me spiral.

so tl;dr - i think it's fake, and i also don't want to talk about it anymore. here's my thoughts, take them or leave them, but i won't be talking about it/debating anyone on it.

[kanmom51]

I have always wondered why JM Stans hates JK. I have seen posts about how JK is being the Company's favorite and that Scooter is trying to use JK to out sell JM. I don't believe it but I do want your opinions on this. I know you will probably say that's a very stupid thing to ask for but I see it a lot and I wonder why they keep saying that JK and V are the companies favorites. And also do you think the company didn't actively promote JM? This Fandom has finally twisted things around. I just need to know your thoughts on this matter. Thanks

Hey love.

Ok, where do we start?

Maybe from the end.

It being that it does feel at times that JM gets the raw deal from the company. If it's intentional or just because he's too nice and doesn't speak up enough I don't know. But this has been going on for years. The way the promotions for Face were handled, the way his name or photo somehow seem to disappear at times from official sites. For example the official BTS US store had all the members apart from JM in the index.

The issue has been since fixed, but it took angry JM stans posting and sending messages and emails to the company to notice it and make it happen.

Or, another example is JM's Like crazy Korean and English version streams being counted separately by Spotify.

Little things that make you ask "why him?" or more so "why is it always happening with him?"

Now, it's not that Jin has been forgotten at times as well (being cropped out of group photos at times). Somehow it's always those two, but with JM it's way more frequent and feels off.

Saying that, I do feel that some JM solos tend to make JM out as a constant victim (perhaps part of allowing them to be his saviors). While doing that they are constantly making comparisons with the others and while doing so also try to tear the others down.

I think this is part of the issue with solos. Forgetting that these 7 men are part of one band. A band they ALL want to be part of. Something they have said multiple times in the past and recently as well. 7 men that love each other (not to mention the elephant - cough couple cough - in the room).

It's more than ok to have a preference. A member you feel you like more or feel more connected to. It's a different matter to call yourself a fan of a single member elevating him by tearing down the others and constantly calling for said member to ditch the others and go solo. Spewing hate at the other members in that person's name, supposedly for him. Obviously you are not a fan of BTS when you do that, but more so you are not a true fan of said member who loves the others you constantly attack and wants to stay with them as a group, as he constantly and repeatedly tells us all.

Like the whole comparison made between JM's promotions and JK's (two totally different stories, different artists' objectives, different markets). And let me be clear here. I am not saying it felt like JM's success, which was, I feel, unexpected, was downplayed or not properly formally and publicly recognized. At the time it certainly felt that way. What we don't know is what JM's feelings were on the matter. Did he want it that way or was it a company decision? I know how it looks, but at times we need to understand that there are so many undercurrents and we don't get to see most of what's under the water. We only see what's shared or not shared with us, by the powers at be's decision. For example: Later on, in his documentary we saw that JM did get a cake for the #1 billboard achievement. So was it his choice not to post a pic? At the same time we saw his success, again, kind of being downplayed in articles, in BPD's interview, so this is one of those things I am leaving with a big question mark. Was he given the well deserved acknowledgement (even if not publicly)? Was it downplayed from the start, even towards him? And if so, why?

That being said, attacking JK, writing hateful posts about him, his looks, his artistry, his character not only would not make a damn difference as to how JM is being treated by the company but goes against everything that JM is and everything that JM feels towards JK.

Same issue, btw, with all solos. JK solos and the hate towards JM, the person JK loves the most in this world.

Do you see what I mean?

That was a little long winded, lol.

So, I do take issue with the need to cut down at another members success only to lift JM's up (he don't need no lifting, he's bloody amazing). I can assure you that is something he personally would not want, being the beautiful soul that he is, he wants the others to succeed and is not in competition with them.

I also hated this need to cut down JK even before his music came out, during JK's promotions, when he was choosing to mirror JM, a clear friggin calculated choice with a clear friggin purpose, by calling him lazy and a copy cat.

First of all you could see, if only you had eyes and kept them open, how throughout ALL of his promotions JK was mirroring JM. It was with similar outfits (even using the same exact black leather pants). It was with wearing the top part of an outfit to which JM wore the bottom part in his promotions. It was with his hair style and colour choices and references to JM's album. Anyway, point being once again that attacking another member does nothing to help lift JM up.

I always find it funny that JM solos hate JK so much.

The person that JM loves more than anyone else, and who loves JM more than they could ever.

The person who knows JM more than they could ever.

The person that JM chose to spend the 18 months of his army service with together, 24/7!! This was not forced on either of them. This was their choice.

Could it be jealousy perhaps? You know, JK gets to get JM and they don't.

Or perhaps this need to be the savior - poor JM needs them to save him from the big bad JK and the big bad company.

p.s. - maybe, just maybe, if indeed JM is being targeted by someone in the company, that's the issue that someone has with him. The fact that he will always come first for JK. The fact that because of him they can't control JK. Well, JK is not someone easy to control, but a. with JM in the picture some of his priorities are different (like wanting to spend time with him, like wanting to go public with their relationship) or perhaps the effect JM has had on JK, being his catalyst (JK's words) and all; and b. Outright homophobia. JK is the golden goose and he is in a long term relationship with a man, a bandmate. It makes life much harder for those that would rather milk the badboy hetero fuckboy image to the limit when said person wants to be accepted for his true self...

Well, that was definitely me digressing from your questions. Oopsy.

Bottom line:

Something kind of feels off with how things seem to go with JM and official content at times over the years (that includes photos, sites, spotify etc.) including his solo promotions.

That said, the comparison with other members, in my opinion, is unjustifiable. Because first and utmost they wouldn't want their fans to be comparing them. They all put themselves out there for their fans and all heartedly supported each other on that journey. Every single one of them had a different kind of solo debut. This is about different music genres, collabs or not, writing their own music or not, promoting out side of Korea or not, even down to the language of the songs. And with this also comes the different kind of promotions. Music shows or live/recorded performances for army, in bigger or smaller venues or even a tour, like Yoongi did.

The comparison with JK is just unfair to both of them. Especially given the very special relationship those two have. Both being the other's biggest fan and supporter.

That aside, the two went on two very different journeys. JM went on a personal journey releasing his first album taking part fully in it's creation, it being a very personal story he was telling us. JK, on the other hand, for whatever reasons (some of which he told us some of which he most likely didn't) decided to go with songs written by others, choosing to challenge himself with singing in English, and new genres and vocals. The choice for an album in English could very much have been pushed by the powers of be, and I do not want to go into the discussion of just how much influence SB has or not, other than say that Bang PD, a very smart and savvy man, knows his way around the music industry and business worlds and has much more influence on JK than anyone else, and that JK is a grown ass man and has told us on more than one occasion that he tends to make decisions for himself, even if at times they might not be the right ones, he goes with his gut. JK also told us he wants to be a huge superstar and singing in English, what can you do, opens up the US and other markets for him in a way that singing in Korean wouldn't.

But even putting that aside people seem to forget that from the get go JK was always the Golden maknae, the one that not only the company saw as their golden goose, but also all other members put on a pedestal. Not saying that's right. Not saying that's fair. But it is what it is. The company is a money making business. And now that BH are under Hybe, although they have autonomy (mostly) on the music, the costs and promotions, they don't have free reign over. And if it's about money making and profits, at times these will be the guidelines as to into what and where the money goes as far as promoting an artist. Let me be clear here. I'm talking here about costs and profits as in how much hard cash was put into a member's promotion over another's. This here isn't about other shit that's happened, such as no public acknowledgement or counting streams of different versions of the same song together or separately. That is another issue. What I'm trying to say here is that the starting point was and never will be the same also due to financial decision making.

Ok, so I think that maybe I've made more of a mess here than anything else, lol.

My bottom line is that even if I feel that JM is being wronged by the company in one way or another (and this goes for any member that might be wronged as well), I would never turn on another member and blame them for it nor would I compare between them. You can like or dislike the music each and every one of them released. That's fair enough and makes sense too. But belittling a member just to try and lift up the other one, that is just wrong in my books.

[theyluvangel]

Biggest Subs in the Groups I Stan - enha, skz, SVT, bts, shinEE, nct, atz, txt, p1h

This is literally which member(s) of these groups I think would be the most submissive in bed!

warnings: probably grammatical and spelling errors, femdom themes, female reader

MDNI

Enhypen:

Sunoo:

biggest pillow prince there is

he just wants you to take over and do with him as you please

he's sensitive so you have to be gentle with him :(

loves praise

loves taking anything up his ass - that being your strap, fingers, a vibrator, or anything else you can think of

Jungwon:

some people disagree, but have y'all seen this man???

he wants you to take complete control over him - tell him what to do and he'll do it

he can be really bratty, but he's usually your good boy

likes some light pet play, nothing too extreme

please finger this man, he adores how close he feels to you when you finger his ass

if he's had a particularly rough day, or if he's just in the mood, he'll let you rough him up a bit - hit him, degrade him, ect.

Stray Kids:

Han:

he's a mommy's boy

lets you do anything you want to him

super loud, he has no shame

loves a bit of pain

horny all the damn time, its up to you to figure out how you want to deal with that

definitely has a bratty side, but he tries can be good

so cuddly

Felix:

the sunshine twins - two big bottoms

he's just so soft and fluffy if you know what I mean

he cry's usually from pleasure all the time, when he gets so overwhelmed he can't not cry

not at all afraid to try new things

slap him around a bit, jerk him off in public, sometimes he just wants to feel like a toy to you

but also please be nice to him, sometimes he also just needs to have some nice lazy cuddle sex

Seventeen:

Mingyu:

"wdym this over 6 foot tall extremely buff man is a big sub?" well let me tell you

he is there to do whatever makes you happy, and he can't do that if you're not telling him what to do

sososo whiny

loves being overstimulated

again i'll bring up the clip of woozi saying Mingyu likes to be degraded and embarrassed by his members

Tie.Him.Up

loves when you degrade him, but also gets so cute and shy when you praise him

loves seeing the marks you leave on him

I'm not going to specifically write out the rest but I think Dino, Seokmin, Seungkwan, Jun, and Hoshi are all switches that would love to be submissive under you

BTS:

Jimin:

jimin gives of switch with a sub-lean vibes

he's a mommy's boy as well

can be really bratty but he can also be really good

loves restraints, impact play, really anything that will leave a mark

loves trying new things

he's just a really kinky guy

also super loud

could suck a titty all day

ShinEE:

Taemin:

anyone who has heard his music knows how submissive he is

he has a lovely song called "Criminal", where one of the lyrics is "destroy me more"

this man is a performer, the energy he presents on stage he'll present to you in the bedroom

loves pain play - hit him, scratch him, bite him, literally beat him and he will thank you for it afterwards

loves when you're able to bring him to tears

big masochist, exhabitionist, and voyuer

NCT:

theres several bottoms in this group so the formatting is gonna be a bit different

NCT 127:

Taeyong - mommy's boy

Haechan - brat

Jungwoo - tries to be good

NCT Dream:

Renjun - pillow prince

Jaemin - golden retriever

WayV:

Ten - brat + hella kinky

winwin - good boy, so soft for you

Xiaojun, Hendery, and Yangyang are all switches in my mind

Ateez:

Wooyoung:

holy shit, this man is the brattiest being to ever walk the planet

he loves riling you up so you'll be rough with him

at this point he's just about admitted to having a degrading kink

he's literally such a bratty whore

he NEEDS you to punish him

sometimes he can be good and he'll want you to be gentle with him, but that's rare

literally imagine bending him over your knee and spanking him for being a brat all day (I'm feral for this man)

+ I think both San and Mingi are switches that can be super submissive

TXT:

Soobin:

i think he's naturally a shy+nerdy guy, so he's attracted to people that can take control over him

a bit more of a switch lean

i think he'd really be into having you humiliate him, but he also loves praise

I think he's a bit of a perv, he'd steal your underwear and jerk off into your panties

Beomgyu:

he might be just as bratty as Wooyoung

is always a brat, its hard to get a moment of peace

super kinky and always in to trying new things

He likes to feel so weak underneath you, if you can make him cry and get his legs shaking - you've officially made him want to marry you

he knows he's a brat, so he needs someone to tame him

he'll take anything you give him, even if that means not letting him cum for a week

omg he'd look so pretty with tears running down his face, hair stuck to his forehead, all whilst you edge him until he loses touch with reality

Kai:

he's such a good boy

i feel like he's kinda inexperienced so he'd naturally fall into a more submissive position

he's really vanilla, all he wants is to cum and be praised

if you're mean to him in the slightest he might cry

he doesn't mind edging and overstimulation, but its a rarer for those to occur

+ I think Yeonjun and Taehyun are both switches, but they aren't the most submissive in the group

P1harmony:

(honestly everyone in p1h gives off some sort of subby vibes)

Intak:

he's so puppy coded

he's there to serve and please you

he loves when you praise him and call him your "good puppy"

he will act out occasionally, but he feels bad afterwards and always accepts his punishment

he'll absolutely do anything you want him to

Theo:

he seems to me like a bratty pillow prince

he will talk back

enjoys a healthy amount of both praise and degradation

he kinda acts like a princess in the sense that if he gets too dirty or sweaty, he'll complain until you clean him up

lets out the most beautiful moans

bondage is a must for him

writing this took me a lil bit but I hope you all enjoy! if you couldn't tell I prefer to write from a dom!reader perspective, but I'll write both dom and sub reader. please send me requests because the writers block is crazy rn!

[shunshunrika]

Megumi being rough dom🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

Y'all turning me into a Megumi Stan account (yeah he's my fav bitch but I'm feeling gojo lately).

I will do this concept for a larger set of jjk characters 😌

Jujutsu Kaisen! boys as ROUGH Doms

Warnings: afab!reader, aged up, SMUT, all kinds of things, don't read if not comfortable - nothing is abusive or nonconsensual or weird though.

Megumi Fushiguro

Trial and error rough dom. Rough intercourse isn't something that Megumi particularly knows a lot about and he takes it upon himself to try out different things to see what you like best. It's a new routine each time. One day he would experiment with handcuffs and leg cuffs, another day would be choking you till your eyes roll back, the third time would be stretching you into challenging positions to make sure his cock buries deep in, his weepy penis head kissing your insides with each violent thrust. He'd find that in all of his trials, decorating you with scratches and hickeys is by far the most common outcome.

"You look pretty all marked up by me."

Satoru Gojo

Cocky rough dom. Talks a lot. By a lot, I mean a LOT. and it's all about how good of a fuck he is. Won't stop comparing himself to his mates when he is skewering into you with his lengthy member. You let him though since you're get a marvelous sex session out of it.

"Do ya think Suguru or Nanami fuck their girls this good?"

"You think any of them can last this long?"

"You think any of them cum as much as I would? I'd fill you up till it reaches your uterus yknow."

It's all good though since it really contributes to making you a wet, wet mess just for your stuck up boyfie. If you let him boast on, he might eat you out for hours as a gift, licking your pussy dry as a desert.

Suguru Geto

Mean rough dom. He would do no position other than doggy and it's derivatives since he wants to see his cock go in and out and destroy you in 4K. He'd say a lot of derogatory stuff. Call you his whore. Spit in your mouth. Cum on your face. He gropes your ass hard, aiming to get atleast 3 climaxes out of you, gritting his teeth trying to last long himself. He'd definitely make you beg for those orgasms though, denying them as long as possible, making you weep and moan for them. Maybe he'd sympathise and give in if you suck on his balls for a bit.

Kento Nanami

Calculated rough dom. Does a lot of research. Asks Around- his friends and colleagues, then apologizes for the informalness. Gojo gives him a bit too many tips, not all of which are required. Kento, who trusts Gojo shows up wearing bondage garter belts, whip in hand and cuffs ready. You are so confused for a minute before he begins spanking you with the whip just the right way, with mathematically perfect intensity and angle. certified nipple biter. Would make your maidens go all red and raw. Prefers to fuck you after that with your legs spread eagle, ass in the air and you laying on your belly. When his cum dribbles out, he push it all back in again and again.

Toji Fushiguro

Unintentional rough dom. He is a womanizer™ but he doesn't actually go hard on purpose. He's just built like a bull, with a personality to match. It's no surprise that even a short, soft session would end with you fucked mindless, unable to think or speak - eyes crossed, tongue lolling out. He won't stop until his cum is decorating your face, the insides of your pussy, leaking out of your asshole, sticking in between your thighs, pooling in the fold of your stomach, collecting on your nipples. All of these weren't handjobs, one of your holes was used each time and by the end of it, you pray you don't pass out. That is just how Toji gives back to his girl.

[drstonetrivia]

Chapter 221 Trivia

I hope you like Stanley, because this is mostly about Stanley.

Once again we have Stanley represented as the knight. Sure Xeno was his original princess (even if he denies it), but now his princess seems to be the rocket.

Will Stanley get a fairy tale ending?

Xeno obviously wants to keep up his act as a villain, but Ryusui is denying him the privilege.

Stanley's original criteria for revival were loosely based on society being up and running, which is now the case as Ryusui mentions here. Like they'd agreed earlier, what Stanley did was considered justifiable acts of warfare and thus they trust him as a soldier.

Stanley and Xeno are both said to be 180 cm tall on their character files, yet in this picture there's clearly a height difference.

Obviously, the only explanation for this is so that Stanley could fondly tilt Xeno's head up towards him in the following pages.

Stan's new outfit makes him look less imposing and inhuman than his previous one, and instead mimics the buttons on the the front of a double-breasted military jacket.

The double "V" of his belt buckles could be the zig-zag of the American clothing, or it's two halves of an X.

(Conspiracies for the belt buckle, don't take these seriously:

a marker that he's loyal to Xeno

a simplification of the current KoS crossed-rockets flag

V + V = X

"V" for victory)

Stanley's scar is still here, but it's changed slightly: the line across the bridge of his nose is gone.

However it may fully disappear soon, since he'll be petrified on the rocket. This change will likely mark his atonement.

This is a brand new lighter based off the one Stanley had before they got petrified. For most of the Americas arc he simply used matches, apart from the "gag" lighter that looks like his handgun.

The math checks out.

This is, in fact, Stanley and Senku's first conversation (if you can even call this one).

Before now, Senku's never allowed Stanley to get close enough, and they never communicated directly over the radios either.

All Ryusui has wanted since he was a child was to make one of his models a reality and to pilot it himself, along with the help of his brother Sai.

Now, he's forced to sacrifice that dream for the greater good.

Sai knows this, which is why he's shown in the same room Ryusui was (across the table from him? In the same seat? It doesn't seem to be the same window, but the rocket is aligned the same.)

It looks like Stan does say the exact same thing: "dekiru ne", which literally translates to "I can". The "ne" at the end is used as a form of agreement, similar to saying "right?" in English. I sort of wish it was translated the same...

[lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie]

The Favorite Side

Summary: Roman just wanted to celebrate his birthday but...of course, because of Logan's impromptu photoshoot, he's left to celebrate alone. After all, it's not like he's anyone's favorite side...right?

AO3 Link

Pairings: None, BROTHERLY Creativitwins

WARNINGS: FOOD MENTIONS, REMUS BEING REMUS, LIGHT ANGST

(A/N: Roman just wanted to celebrate his birthday but...of course, because of Logan's impromptu photoshoot, he's left to celebrate alone. After all, it's not like he's anyone's favorite side...right?)

taglist: @part-time-zombie @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat @enigmasalad

Roman sighs, watching from the banister as he peered around the wall. Today was Logan’s photoshoot for his new skirt look. Thomas had the idea of getting Logan all dressed up once again. Once Logan was told about it, he seemed happy and even flattered to help Thomas do another photoshoot. Of course, that called for some creative touch, and they called Roman in.

            Roman was happy to help and asked when they were going to do the photoshoot. His heart then sank when they told him the date. His birthday. He tried to get them to change it without throwing a tantrum, but they seemed to have forgotten how important that day was. So, Roman spent the whole day of his birthday listening to everyone fawn over Logan and praise him. He couldn’t do anything but hide his own pain because Thomas forbid, he threw a fit or got upset as his special day was overshadowed by the favorite side.

            Now, the prince himself watched from up the stairs as Patton, Janus and Virgil gathered around Logan. Remus was nowhere to be found, having been gone all day. The photoshoot had ended hours ago and Roman had made up some excuse that he had things to attend to inside the Imagination but really, he didn’t want to listen to them anymore. Yet, he was still here and watching in envy. It just wasn’t fair. Why did Logan get all that attention? Why does he get to dress up when it’s not even his special day? What does he have to do to have that for himself? Roman sighs, feeling so small now. Logan always was better than him. He was smarter and quick to understand things he didn’t. He was organized and focused. He was everything Roman wasn’t.

It hurt even more, knowing that the fans loved Logan even more than him. Roman was just the annoying, loud, and arrogant prince that no one liked because he was mean to his friends. Maybe he deserved nothing today. Sighing once again, Roman decides to let Logan have this. After all, Logan deserves the spotlight more. He had shoved the logical side towards the backstage one too many times. So, as everyone rains more praises on Logan, the princely side quietly slips away before anyone could notice him.

As soon as he closed the door to his bedroom, Roman felt his legs tremble and he moved to sit at his desk. He glances at the calendar tacked to his corkboard, sniffling as he sees his birthday marked a with big gold, glittery circle. He then picks up a red marker and crosses it out multiple times. Roman then tosses the marker aside and huffs. It looks like he’s going to celebrate alone this year. With the wave of his hand, Roman summons a red velvet cupcake with a little candle.

 “Happy birthday to me…”

            Roman then blows out the candle and watches the smoke swirl into the air. He then buries his head in his arms, sniffling again. He’s trying so hard not to cry but he can’t help it. It was supposed to be HIS day. Not Logan’s or anyone else’s. The tears drip onto his desk as he breaks down. While everyone was celebrating Logan downstairs, they’ve truly forgotten their prince who had hidden away. Their prince who was left to be alone on his special day. At least that’s what Roman thought. Who would want to still celebrate his birthday after all his failures?

“Hey, Prince Poopy!”

Great.

Roman sniffs, not bothering to look up or dry his tears.

“What do you want? Don’t you have some kind of chaos to cause elsewhere?”

“Not for another few days at least!” Remus replies, slipping out from under Roman’s bed. “What’s got your dick twisted?”

“First, eww. Second, nothing. It’s dumb.” Roman then sighs. “I’m just…having another bad day, Ree.”

Remus frowns as Roman buries his head in his arms, spotting the cupcake nearby and stealing it.

“Ro…”

“Drop it, Remus. I don’t want to talk about it. Why don’t you bother Janus or…or Logan?”

“Well, Jan is busy making out with his wine glass and I didn’t wanna be downstairs with the other light dorks.” he says as takes a bite of the cupcake with the wrapper still on. “They’re busy playing dress up with the skirts again.”

Roman sighs and sniffs, tears falling again. It’s silly to be crying over a missed birthday but it was the one day where he didn’t have to feel guilty for getting special treatment. Where he could enjoy affection without needing to seek it or beg for it. Where he could pretend for just a moment that he was loved by them all. It was the one day that Roman could be surrounded by love but instead, Logan stole that from him. Logan had everyone else’s attention and praise. And he deserved it.

            Remus could only watch on as Roman fell apart. He frowns and stands up, finishing the cupcake before looking at Roman. He really looks upset today. Remus then glances at the calendar. It’s filled with important dates and deadlines as well as reminders. The intrusive side then notices that today’s date was crudely crossed out. Oh.

“So, you’re just gonna mope all day on your birthday, moody booty?” Remus asks a moment later.

Roman looks up at Remus with wide, watery eyes.

“You…You remembered my birthday?” he whispers, surprisingly hopeful for Remus.

“Of course I did, dumbass. Why would I forget my own twin’s birthday? We share it.” Remus answers, feeling an ache in his chest.

“B-But you have your own birthday day. You don’t have to celebrate with me…”

Remus sighs.

“Okay, Pissy, look. I only agreed to have my own birthday day so you can have yours too. I know you like having your moments.” he explains before averting his gaze. “But it’s kinda boring to celebrate alone sometimes. Sure, it’s fun with Janus but not as fun without you.”

Roman rubs his tears away, gaping at Remus.

“Remus…” he lunges at him and tackles him into a hug. “Thank you...for remembering. I’m sorry I let you celebrate alone but I’m here now. M-Maybe we can celebrate together?”

Remus blinks this time and pulls back to look Roman in the eyes.

“Really? I thought you were going to celebrate with the others again.” he replies, a bit surprised.

“No.” Roman’s face falls, sighing. “They…They’re busy talking about Logan’s photoshoot and fawning over him. Not even Thomas remembered. I deserve it though.”

            Remus is frozen for a moment. Oh, hell no. No, they did not. That’s why his brother was so upset. Those bastards. The dark Duke holds back a growl and huffs instead. If they wanted to exclude his twin like that and make his special day all about someone else, then so be it. They don’t deserve Roman if they’re going to treat him like that. Remus doesn’t show it on the outside often, but he does care about his brother. So, the dark creative side grins.

“You know what, Ro? We don’t need them to celebrate. You and I are going to have our own party here.” Remus proposes, patting his twin’s shoulder.

“But-“

“You deserve it, Ro. You deserve to throw your own damn party.”

Roman finally smiles at that, rubbing his tears away.

“Okay. As long as you’re here, Ree.”

Remus grins.

“Always! Now, you get yourself all princely and pretty. I’m gonna raid the kitchen for food and snacks.”

            Roman giggles and Remus feels the ache in his chest ebb way. Good. If the others were just going to hurt his brother, Remus will just have to make sure to cheer him up and give him a damn good birthday. He leaves his brother to get ready and ambles downstairs. Much to his annoyance, the others are still fawning over Logan. Gross. Wrinkling his nose, Remus sneaks over to the kitchen as he listens in on their chatting. It’s free juicy gossip for him.

“I just refreshed the page, L. Everyone’s loving your new look.” comes Virgil’s voice.

Fucking traitor.

“O-Oh. I’m not used to all that attention. I wish I could thank them all.” Logan follows, sounding flustered.

“You’ve had quite the day, Logan. We’ll let Thomas handle that.” Janus replies.

Patton’s giggles follow.

“Speaking of Thomas, he wanted to know if we had any other important things going on this week.”

“Other than his current cabaret play? I believe there’s nothing else important for him to do.”

Janus hums.

“Are you sure? We’re not missing anything, are we?”

Virgil huffs as he cuts in.

“Shut up, Janus.” then to Logan. “Hey, don’t worry too much, L. That’s my job. Besides, we looked at your schedule earlier and nothing was missing.”

Logan sighs.

“You’re probably right.”

Remus growls lowly at what he hears and resists the urge to knock some heads together, turning towards the fridge. He starts rummaging through it, stealing the jar of crofters as revenge. He then summons a giant bag and steals a few things such as Patton’s icing and whipped cream, some leftover cookies, a bag of Doritos, some champagne that Roman likes and hides in the back of the fridge, and a jar of pickles. Huffing, Remus then hefts the bag over his shoulder and makes his leave, waiting for someone to-

“And where are you going, you little shit?”

Of course, Virgil is the one who caught him.

“Why do you care, emo? I thought you were busy with whale dork over there.”

“Because you’re sneaking out of the kitchen with a huge bag. You’re not stealing the silverware again, are you?”

Remus rolls his eyes.

“I’ve got better shit to do then steal silverware.”

Janus huffs a laugh.

“Off to collect body parts then?” he asks this time.

Remus giggles then grins widely as he drops the big news on them.

“I’m celebrating RoRo’s birthday with him!”

The dark duke then watches with glees as every single face in the room pales in horror. Wonderful. It’s so wonderful that it makes Remus cackle joyfully, doubling over as he does.

“W-Why are you laughing?!” Virgil huffs, trying to act as if he didn’t just realize how badly he fucked up.

Remus giggles again, catching his breath.

“Hoo…that was good. I’m laughing because, wow, you’re all a bunch of fucking idiots.” he grins.

“W-Well, we…we didn’t mean to forget Roman’s birthday! Honest!” Patton cuts in, trying to fix things like he always does.

Remus rolls his eyes.

“You meant it. You didn’t. Blah blah blah. Even so, you’ve already hurt him. You always do.” he huffs, staring Patton down.

Patton shrinks with a squeak and Logan takes that moment to cut in.

“Alright, Remus. We apologize for forgetting Roman’s birthday, but we really did not mean to. I hadn’t thought to include it because I got caught up in the photoshoot.” The logical side explains.

“Oh, fuck you, you brainy bitch! You were enjoying all the attention and the spotlight! Remus growls, glaring at Logan. “You whine and whine about being ignored but have no fucking problem pushing my own fucking brother aside!”

“Like you fucking care about him, Remus! You knocked him out once!” Virgil cuts in with a hiss.

“Yeah, but he knows I would never hurt him as bad as you all do. I don’t fucking lie to him. I don’t fucking think he’s annoying. I don’t put him down and make him feel fucking worthless like you all do.” Remus spits back. “I don’t fucking forget his birthday! Ever!”

“Remus, if you let us, we’ll celebrate Roman’s birthday now. We can prepare something.” Logan tries.

Remus laughs.

“It’s too late to celebrate. You spent all day shoving him aside. You think he’s going to accept a last minute, half-assed celebration?”

“Come on, kiddo, please? You can help too.” Patton pleads this time, desperate to make up for another mistake.

“No. You’ll make it up to him, let him believe you truly care, and then break him all over again. It’s an endless fucking cycle.”

“Then why do you get to celebrate?” Patton asks.

Remus growls, glaring at them all.

“Because I didn’t forget his birthday. I never have. And you know what? He never forgot mine.”

The room falls silent for a moment then

“Remus…we’re really sorry. Truly. Let us make it up to Roman. And to you.” he speaks, feeling just as guilty though he doesn’t show it.

Remus huffs.

“Shut up, Janus. I know he laughed at your name but he apologized. You haven’t apologized to him. You’ve been a total bitch All of you have. None of you get to apologize or throw a party right now until Roman feels better and says he ready.”

            The dark duke then looks around as everyone shifts under his gaze. They all share the same guilty look. Remus waits for any of them to say something more and huffs when no one speaks up. Fucking cowards. Remus glares one last time then continues on his way out with the stolen goods.

“By the way, if I hear any of you fucks at the door, I will rip your heads off.”

With that last threat, Remus heads up the stairs and returns to Roman’s room. As he enters through the door, the dark duke is greeted by Katy Perry singing her birthday song on Roman’s radio. This isn’t usually Remus’ kind of music but he lets it be for today, reminding himself that Roman needs this. Smiling to himself, Remus locks the door behind him and joins his brother.

“I got the shit, Ro!” Remus grins, putting the bag down on the floor.

“Please tell me it’s actually edible stuff and not some mold that you scraped of off the kitchen sink.” Roman chuckles, going over to see what his twin brought.

            Remus looks up and pauses for a moment. Roman had combed his messy hair and his face sparkled with makeup like it’s supposed to. Good. Remus would never admit it out loud, but he liked seeing his brother all sparkly rather than shining with tears on his face. Putting that thought aside, Remus opens the bag and it falls open, the snacks and other stolen goods tumbling to the floor in a pile.

“Ta-da! I said I would raid the fridge for us, dummy! Look!” Remus then picks up the jar of crofters and gives it to Roman.

It’s half empty already but there’s enough for Roman to enjoy.

Roman snickers.

“Did you steal Logan’s jar out of spite?”

“A little birthday bonus for the birthday prince.” Remus grins.

Roman giggles, pulling Remus into a bear hug. Remus happily hugs back.

“Thanks, Ree.”

“Of course!”

After a few moments, they break the hug and Remus looks around. It could look a little more party-like. Grinning, Remus waves his hand and the fallen fairy lights float up and wrap themselves around the canopy of Roman’s fancy bed, flickering back to life. Another wave of Remus’ hand makes some extra star thingies appear and they decorate the walls, glittering under the light. Remus also summons some gold, silver, red, and green balloons. Much better.

“Ooh, I like it, Ree.” Roman smiles, catching a ballon as it floats down into his hands.

“I thought you’d like some decorations.” Remus grins. “Now, we just need entertainment.”

Roman perks up.

“Ooh, I’ll handle it! You’ve already done so much, dear brother.” he grins, waving his hand.

            With a bit of creative magic, their food is set up like a picnic on the floor and is surrounded by soft pillows and blankets. Roman’s laptop is propped up on some books and a list of movies pop up on the screen. Another wave of Roman’s hand makes them both change into pajamas and the lights dim down. Sure, it’s no grand party that he usually has but this is good too. Roman’s glad Remus at least remembered.

“So, what movie should we watch?” Roman asks, sitting with Remus on the floor.

Remus picks up the jar of pickles.

“Dunno. I was gonna let you have the pick since it’s your birthday.

“It’s your birthday too, dummy.” Roman giggles. “Go ahead and pick!”

Remus sets the jar down as he blinks in surprise.

“Alright, fine.”

            After looking through Roman’s movie list, Remus ends up deciding on Shrek. Roman isn’t surprised and they start the movie. By the time the movie was half-way mark, half the snacks that Remus had stolen were eaten. Roman is happy, laying on his tummy while Remus laid out like a starfish as he used his brother’s back for a pillow. Roman feels lighter and happier, relieved that someone remembered him. That someone still cared for him.

            Remus feels happy too, seeing his brother happy. They both may argue and fight and insult each other but at the end of the day, they still need each other. They’re still brothers who can put their differences aside to celebrate their birthday together. Maybe Remus will do that often. It’s very rare that he and Roman have any down time together. Smiling, Remus glances at his brother who is currently shoveling the last spoonful of crofters in his mouth.

“Hey, Ro?”

“Hm?”

“Happy birthday.”

Roman grins and a faint glow surrounds him.

“Thank you, Remus.”              

[bengiyo]

I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama Ep 3 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Last time, Akafuji recognized that he has a crush on Aoyanagi for real, and Aoyanagi also recognized there may be something going on with him. The two lonely boys are trying to put on their best faces for the sake of the drama, but Akafuji is crushed by his own attraction, and Aoyanagi by his own doubts in himself as an actor. Aoyanagi rescued Kuromiya from an aggressive can, and we learned he's afraid of aggressive women. Kuromiya intervened, and Akafuji took Aoyanagi on a date. The two of them practiced kissing, but it was sad as fuck, and then the network cut the kiss from their show.

This curry looks pretty good.

Oh yes. Thank you voiceover for confirming they're both thinking about the kiss.

I'm glad Akafuji can still benefit from his stan knowledge, but now he's spiraling.

Welcome back, baby is a messy eater.

It definitely feels like they're having more fun separating themselves from the characters.

I will love Akafuji forever. He responded to being dumped for loving his hobby by loving it harder.

I would also stan Aoyanagi if he took me so seriously and then praised me for loving my stories.

I love when one confesses when they think the other is sleeping.

Aoyanagi has the best eyes of the year OMG.

I like the manager listening in to check on his charge.

Ope. Tendo-san called it falling in love.

I love the shot of the manager stepping over Hajime in the front as it's implied he's putting himself between Hajime and Akafuji.

Oh no. My boy is gonna be alone on his birthday again.

Oh, of course it was intended as a surprise party. I love Akafuji.

Aoyanagi is crying. I'm crying.

THE CARD IS EDIBLE.

Welcome back, The Heart Knows!

They cut a kiss from a friends to lovers BL with this much sexual tension?? Come on.

I'm glad the rest of the crew knows that Aoyanagi is a good actor who usually hits his marks.

They really had that boy spit on the 4th wall. Holy shit.

Fucking paparazzi holy shit.

Oh, I hate misunderstandings like this, but I get it.

Tendo-san, please fix this!

OH MY GOD. I'VE HAD TO GIVE FOR SO LONG AND I FINALLY GET TO RECEIVE. I had hoped the managers would be real and I was not expecting this!

Run, baby boy, RUN!!!

Holy shit, this indeed a stan's apartment.

He has the cutout!!

This is a completely acceptable stan reaction, and also a fantastic shot.

"I like you as myself" will never get old.

"I'm sorry for going on about myself. Anyway, what did you want to talk about?" Sorry to all other BL characters, but we have a new king.

I love this confession.

They planned to remove a kiss that was in the manga??? EVIL.

Aw, this was so close to perfect, but then they chickened out on a real kiss.

Final Verdict: 9.5, This Show Will Drown You in BL Goodness. If they had kissed properly, this would have a 10 and the new standard for all comedy BL follow. Instead, I will say that this show executes comedy with meta commentary about BL better than any other attempt before it (excepting A Man Who Defies the World of BL). Despite confirming the managers, the show chickened out on the mains and I will be docking it for that. Still, this show was excellently paced and will be my new default reaction image whenever someone insists that a Thai BL should be 12 episodes of meandering nonsense with no fucking idea where it's going or what story it's telling. This show executed a great arc in three movements. Everyone else, have several seats.

[ckret2]

Guess who's finally satisfied with part 3 of "Human Bill Cipher (In A Purple Bedsheet Toga) Attempts To Get His Revenge On The Pines"! (Real title TBD.) Here's the masterpost for the whole fic. 7/30/2024 now edited for TBOB compatibility. When we last left off:

For all Bill's struggling, flailing, and wheezing, he couldn't do much from beneath an entire school bus's worth of Mabels and Dippers. Voice thin from crushed lungs, Bill demanded, "What—how—where did you come from?!"

The entire population of Mabels grinned. The one sitting atop the pile crowed, "I think you mean... when did we come from!" Her duplicates cheered.

"Two hours from now," a Dipper added. "Our bus gets here in two hours."

####

Two hours from then, Mabel, Dipper, and Waddles got off the bus from California and looked around the bus stop with wide smiles.

Mabel's smile faded when she couldn't spot anybody. "Huh, I thought Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford were meeting us. They got here this afternoon, right?"

"Maybe their flight was delayed?" Dipper suggested—then spotted another Mabel and Dipper running up. "Whoa, what—?"

At the top of his lungs, the new Dipper shouted, "AMBIDEXTROUS PLATYPUS FARTS!"

Mabel cracked up. "WHAT?"

Dipper gasped. "It's my password! After all the evil clones and shapeshifters and bodysnatchers we dealt with last summer, I came up with a secret password—"

New Dipper cut in, "—so if I ever came up to myself and claimed to be a time traveler, I'd know I'm telling the truth!" New Dipper and New Mabel skidded to a stop. "We have an emergency, guys. Bill is back—"

Mabel cut in, "Wait, Bill-Bill?"

"Bill-Bill!" New Mabel said. "And he's possessing a tourist and about to shoot Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford and Soos right now!" She paused. "I mean—right now, two hours ago."

New Dipper handed a time tape to his double. "You've got to go back to 5:18 p.m., take Bill down, and take his laser and this tape away from him! And then... do that again a bunch of times in a row, I guess."

New Mabel added, "I painted an X in the future so you'll know where to tackle him in the past!" She offered a can of red spray paint to her double. "Here, you'll need this."

Dipper dropped his duffel bag and shrugged off his bulging backpack. "We don't have any time to lose! We'll come back for our luggage later. Let's go, Mabel!"

She dropped her bags as well, and the four twins sprinted for the Mystery Shack with Waddles chasing as fast as he could.

Until Mabel skidded to a stop. "Hold on! We've got a time thingy, right? We don't need to hurry! We can just jump back to 5:18 from any time."

"Oh, yeah." "That's true." "Good thinking, me!"

The original twins retrieved their luggage, and the group headed toward the shack again at a leisurely stroll, with Waddles trotting happily between the two Mabels. The evening weather was lovely.

####

"What about you, Bill? What are you doing here?" Dipper demanded.

"Yeah," Mabel added, "I thought you were stuck in that dumb book we chucked into another universe! What happened to that whole thing?"

Bill let out as heavy a sigh as he could manage when pinned down by a ton of teenagers. "Well..."

####

This is where Bill's explanatory flashback would be, if he were cooperative.

He wasn't cooperative.

####

"You actually thought I was ever really gone? Boy, look at gullible over here!" Bill laughed.

The Dippers and Mabels exchanged a collective look, and without a word, shifted so more of the pile was weighing directly down on Bill.

He wheezed. "No sense of humor."

"I've got his time tape!" one Dipper shouted, holding it above the crowd.

"And I've got the laser," a Mabel called, waving it in the air. "Can I keep...?"

Ford gave her a stern look and held out his hand. She sighed and handed it over.

"Okay, Mabel Number One here!" another Mabel shouted, shaking her spray can. "Everybody move forward, I've got an X to mark!" The group obligingly shuffled forward, prompting more displeased grunts from Bill. Mabel considered his feet thoughtfully before spray painting an X where she estimated he'd been standing before.

"Not gonna lie, I thought we were goners," Soos said. "That was crazy! How did you two do that!"

Bill snapped, "By pulling the kind of time loop that ought to have Time Baby down here gumming you idiots to death. I throw one little party and he makes a personal trip to the 21st century just to invade my pad, but two brats pull off as clear-cut a paradox as you can imagine..."

The Dippers and Mabels worked through the logic of their own rescue as they realized they wouldn't have known to come if they hadn't told themselves. Dipper said, "Maybe this is actually the altered timeline, and in the original timeline you did kill them and we had to steal your time tape to change the past?"

Ford took a time tape from a Dipper who had two. "Although that does beg the question of why the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron isn't here to investigate all these time loops. Or how you got so many of yourselves here at the same time. Has this tape been tampered with...?"

Bill said, "Yeah, smart guy, everybody knows time tapes are designed to prevent overlapping time loops! So how are there so many kids here? The mystery must be killing you!" He laughed. "I could tell you, if you let me up."

Ford shot him a dark look. "You know I won't."

"I know." Bill sneered at Ford. "Just wanted to make sure you remember all the things I could tell you. Your loss."

Bill's eyes looked the same as they always had—maybe a little jaundiced, a little too human, but those were still Bill's eyes. Ford had never seen such wrath in his eyes before. 

He looked away. When he properly met the woman Bill was possessing, he wouldn't want to remember Bill glaring through her eyes.

####

While the adults found something to tie up Bill, the Dippers entertained themselves by journaling and the Mabels by decorating each other's faces with scented markers.

Without anything better to do, Bill twisted his head to watch the kids. "Hey. Can I get some art?"

The nearest Mabel looked at him, looked at the closest Dipper (who considered the odds that this was a trap, and shrugged warily), and looked back at Bill. Logically, he might be trying to get her hand close enough to his face for him to bite it and drink her blood or something—and ethically, the alien menace who'd threatened her family didn't deserve nice things—and pettily, she didn't want him to have nice things—but then, when she tilted her head just slightly, rather than seeing Bill Cipher, she saw a vast expanse of unblemished face skin just begging for artwork. Maybe, in the grand scheme of things, it didn't really matter if a murderous monster got to enjoy the benefits of scented markers, as long as Mabel got to enjoy the benefits of making art.

Anyway, who else's face was she gonna draw on? Dipper had already turned her down and her duplicates were running out of facial real estate. "I don't see why not! What do you want?"

"Draw me."

Mabel grimaced. "Ooh, that's gonna be a no. Grunkle Ford says drawings of you are magic?"

Bill sighed loudly. "Sheesh, you sound as paranoid as him. What are my options?"

"I specialize in tiger masks, butterfly masks, rainbows, unicorns, spiders, aaand flowers!"

"Fine, gimme a butterfly."

"Colors?"

"Dealer's choice."

"Oooh." Mabel considered his face, grabbed her banana, cherry, and raspberry markers, held them from the very butt so Bill couldn't reach her fingers, and got to work. But Bill didn't try to bite her. He just stared off into space stoically.

He did start biting when the adults returned to secure him. As they tried to restrain his limbs, he kicked, clawed, struggled, flailed, and snapped his teeth—but without the advantage of the time tape and a gift shop of projectile souvenirs, he only wore himself out. By the time they determined him sufficiently immobilized—hands cuffed behind his back, up arms chained to his ribs, knees and ankles tied up—and the twin pile freed him, Bill was gasping for breath, eyes squeezed shut. He didn't even attempt to sit up. Stan and Ford tried not to look too close at the trembling human form collapsed on the stony floor.

"And the final touch..." Soos took off the fuzzy pink belt he'd been wearing all day and wrapped it around Bill's waist. "Yes. Finally." He paused. "Hey, I was right, this belt does look good with that bedsheet. Compliments the pink in your butterfly, too!"

Bill opened one eye. Voice strained, he conceded, "Doesn't look bad."

"Is that unicorn hide? Excellent work." Ford clapped a hand on Soos's shoulder. "A few moonstones and mercury, and Bill will be trapped inside that body until we find a way to extract and contain him."

"He will? Hey, whaddaya know!" Soos beamed. "Fashionable and functional."

Ford tried to ignore Bill's gaze on the side of his head—attentive, calculating, scheming. "I'll... get the supplies and be right back."

The Dippers and Mabels consulted the tally marks on their palms, added one more each with Mabel's markers, arranged themselves in a semicircle behind the X marking Bill's spot, and all returned to the past except for two. The Dipper and Mabel with twenty-five tallies high-fived. "Yes!"

Dipper sighed, "Finally. I thought we were gonna repeat the same fifteen minutes forever."

Stan—currently guarding Bill with Ford's laser—glanced over at Dipper. "Hold on. If you kids have been doing some kind of crazy time loop, then that means you've been tackling this creep over and over for...?"

"Over six hours," Dipper groaned.

"We ate my last pocket bus snacks ten loops ago," Mabel said. She held up her hand. "On the bright side, I smell so delicious now?"

Dipper sniffed his own hand's tally marks. "Ew."

"Haaa! You wanted the black licorice marker, bro!"

Wiping his palm on his shorts, Dipper said, "And we got up at five to catch our bus. We've been up almost twenty-one hours. I'm completely drained."

"Pffft!"

Stan, Soos, and the twins turned to give Bill a wary look.

"'Oh no! I'm a delicate little human! I've gone half a day without a REM cycle and three hours without glucose! How can I function like this?'" His laugh was a wretched, hacking cough. "It's pathetic how weak you are."

"You're one to talk," Dipper snapped. "These weak humans took you down! Again!"

"Wow, amazing, if you pile five thousand pounds of dead weight on top of a body made of calcium sticks wrapped in raw meat, it can't get up. Congratulations on learning how gravity works!" Bill rolled onto his back, and—with a laborious effort akin to a kid in gym class attempting one sit-up too many—managed to heave himself up to a sitting position. "You got lucky—" he cast a dirty look at the X spray painted on the ground, "—but luck changes." His lower butterfly wings crinkled as a smile twisted up his face. "I escaped death itself. Do you really think a bunch of stupid sub-centenarian children like you can stop me from escaping a little rope and chains?"

Stan bristled. "What I think is you've got a butterfly-shaped bullseye in the middle of your face and I've got a laser with your name on it if you don't shut up!"

Mabel gasped quietly. "My butterfly."

Bill laughed at Stan's anger, mouth open, all teeth. It seemed like far too many teeth, coming from a creature that shouldn't have had a mouth. "Oh, that's precious! Sure, go ahead, Stanley, let's find out what'll happen—!" Bill froze as Stan shoved the laser between his eyes.

"Maybe I will!"

Dipper flinched, "Grunkle Stan, what if it's a trap—"

Bill headbutted the barrel hard enough to knock the laser out of Stan's hand; and even with his body restrained in four place, with an unexpected burst of grace he was back on his feet. Bill's voice plummeted to a demonic roar that hardly seemed to fit inside the short human body. "Do you want to see what I can do?! You wanna see what I'm still capable of?! FINE! I'll SHOW you what... wh-what..."

Bill's eyes rolled back and his face went slack.

He flopped face first to the ground.

The humans stared. Stan asked, "Is, uh. Is this what you're capable of?"

The back of Bill's head didn't answer.

Soos rolled him onto his back and tugged up one eyelid. "Guys, I think he fainted. Is that a good thing, or...?"

Mabel poked his arm. "This again? You'd think he'd have learned to grab an energy drink by now."

Dipper said, "Maybe he's still trying to drink them with his eyeballs." Mabel laughed.

Stan grunted. "I'm fine with whatever gets him to shut up a few minutes."

Dipper gasped. "Wait—if we let him escape this body, he could be anywhere! The belt! Grunkle Ford, the moonstones!"

He and Mabel ran to find him. 

####

Stan said, "I say we sit him up, shoot him in the back of the head, and bury the body right in here." Dipper and Mabel stared at him with wide eyes.

"Believe me, Stanley, I'd love to do that." (Dipper and Mabel turned their wide-eyed stare on Ford.) "But all that would accomplish is murdering some innocent woman who was probably unlucky enough to pick up his book, while Bill himself escapes. And that's assuming he hasn't already left her brain!" It had taken almost a minute after Bill fainted for Ford to coat the belt in mercury and duct tape on several moonstones. "Kill her and he'd just come back wearing another poor victim."

Stan considered that. "Could he escape her brain if we buried her alive?" (Dipper and Mabel turned again to stare at him.)

There were no good solutions. There was no point in being cruel enough to ask Fiddleford to make a new memory gun so they could retry the stunt they'd pulled during Weirdmageddon, since getting shattered into psychic dust had clearly only slowed Bill down; and setting the gun to erase "Bill Cipher" from the puppet's brain would just erase her memories of Bill rather than Bill himself. They could try going into the victim's mindscape after Bill, but all the tricks Ford knew to capture dreams or exorcise spirits only might work on an entity like Bill—or might let him hop into one of their heads. 

First, they needed to make sure Bill was still in this body; and if he was, they needed something foolproof to extract and destroy him.

And until then, they had to contain him.

####

Melody turned toward the opening vending machine door, relief on her face. "Oh, Soos! There you are! I was getting worried. I've been looking for you for twenty minutes, the gift shop looks like a tornado hit it..." She trailed off, taking in the sight of Soos and Stan carrying an unconscious, tied-up woman wrapped in a bedsheet with a butterfly on her face, and Ford training a laser gun on her. "Please tell me that's some kind of evil fairy queen and not an actual tourist."

"Worse, it's Bill Cipher!"

Stan flinched. "Soos—"

"Yeah, he took over this tourist in a cool toga, I think he's been staking out the Shack the last few months with time travel, and he tried to kill the Pineses—Dipper and Mabel had to stop him and..." Soos looked at Stan. "Oh, hold on, was I not supposed to share that?"

"Of course not!"

Ford said, "This is a very delicate situation, and the more people get involved, the less we can control it. We can't tell anyone—"

Abuelita stuck her head through the living room "Employees Only" door. "Mijo, here you are. Who is this? A... guest?"

"Oh, hey Abuelita. This is Bill Cipher—you know, the triangle guy? Yeah, we caught him trying to kill us, so we're gonna keep... him..." Soos trailed off under Stan's glare. "Oh, come on! You can't expect me not to tell Abuelita!"

Abuelita gave Bill's unconscious form a calm, considering look, said, "I will cook an extra serving for dinner," and let the door swing shut.

"Wait wait wait," Melody said. "Triangle guy Bill Cipher? Like, turned-us-all-into-statues Bill Cipher?" She'd been unfortunate enough to be on a weekend trip back to Gravity Falls for a date with Soos when Bill had invaded. He'd been in her nightmares ever since.

Soos shot Stan an apologetic look, then said, "Yeah, that one."

"So, have you called the police yet? Or—or the FBI, or...?"

"It's cool, we've got it all under control," Soos said. "We're gonna lock him in the cellar."

"You're what?"

"Yeah, I've got a mattress down there he can take. There's a TV, the pinball machine... Do you think Bill likes pinball?"

"He won't be here long," Stan reassured Melody. "I've got some out-of-state 'connections' from a previous 'business venture' who have 'resources.'" He'd hooked his arms through Bill's armpits to free his hands up to make finger quotes. "I'm calling in a 'favor.' They can hold him somewhere 'comfortable,' until..."

Firmly, Ford said, "Until we've come up with something more permanent."

Stan nodded. "Once we're sure we trapped him in this girl, he'll be outta here."

Soos said, "Oh, hey—do you think we might need to close the Shack tomorrow? I should go tell Wendy. Be right back." He handed Bill's feet to Ford and headed to the living room.

"Oh no you don't, hold on!" Stan dropped Bill's head on the floor and followed Soos.

Ford looked down at Bill in dismay, trying to figure out how best to pick him up without risking Bill trying to bite out his throat again if he woke up. From the stairwell, Mabel and Dipper peered around him to help consider the predicament; Mabel said, "Just drag him." Dipper nodded.

Melody screwed up her face, but sighed in resignation. "I've got it." She helped heave Bill back up. "But I want a really good explanation why we aren't letting the cops handle the dangerous superpowered criminal."

Ford said, "Melody, I know you haven't lived here long. But have you seen the police in this town?"

Melody sucked thoughtfully on her teeth. "Fair point. But what about the government? If there are actual aliens on the planet, surely there's some kind of Guys In Black or X-Folders squad to deal with them?" She paused at the gift shop exit.

 Mabel got the door open for her. "I think we brain damaged the last guys in black that came to town."

Dipper laughed. "Yeah, they could barely handle zombies. I don't think they'd have any idea how to handle Bill."

"Precisely," Ford said. "They don't know his abilities like we do. Once he's out of our hands, we wouldn't be able to ensure he's properly contained." Voice lowered, he added, "Besides—I'm afraid involving the government might play right into his hands. He's been pulling the strings on human politics for millennia, and there's no way to know who secretly answers to him—"

Melody made another face. "Yeeeah, no, nah, I don't believe in any of that... 'shadow government' conspiracy theory stuff."

"And in most contexts, your skepticism would be wise." Ford and Melody let Dipper and Mabel haul open the cellar doors, and then carefully descended the stairs. "But where Bill's involved—there are few facets of human history that haven't been drawn into his tangled web. He's a master manipulator, and our world has been his pet project for millions of years. For crying out loud, he even helped fake the moon landing—"

Flatly, Melody said, "The moon landing."

"Yes!"

"How do you know this."

Ford and Melody dropped Bill on the bare mattress, and Ford gestured impatiently at him. "He admitted it himself! When he was busy boasting about how he helped 'inspire' Kubrick's work."

Melody planted her hands on her hips. "So, you're telling me a 'master manipulator'... told you he faked the moon landing... and... you believe him?"

Ford stared at her.

####

"Hey Wendy," Soos said, fiddling with office phone's cord. "This is Soos. Your boss. Listen, I know you have a shift tomorrow, but uh, you might not need to come in, okay? I mean—maybe. It depends. Still figuring it out. I'll call you in the morning." He glanced at Stan, who sharply nodded.

Wendy said, "Oh? How come?"

While Stan furiously mouthed Soos do NOT tell her anything or I swear— Soos said, "Uhh, Shack might be closed tomorrow, that's all."

"Oh, is it for like family reunion stuff?"  Tone brightening, she said, "Hey, is it cool if I swing by anyway? I wanna come say hi to Dipper and Mabel."

Soos frantically waved a hand. "Nooo, you can't! For. Reasons."

Wendy was silent a moment. Soos bit his lip. Wendy said, "For... weird scary paranormal stuff reasons?"

Soos looked at Stan for guidance. Stan shrugged and made a so-so gesture. Soos said, "Yeah, pretty much."

Wendy laughed. "Oh man, seriously? Give the Pines heck for me for getting into something the first day of summer vacation. Text me every half hour so I know you're alive and I don't have to come over with an axe."

Soos sighed in relief. "Thanks, Wendy."

As Soos was hanging up, Ford barged into the office, Dipper and Mabel behind him. "Stanley, this is urgent. As soon as we've dealt with Bill, we need to visit the moon."

Stan processed that and grinned. "All right, I'm game!"

Ford's watch beeped, startling him. "What—oh! That's right, I set a reminder for us to go..." He paused, looking at Dipper and Mabel. "... Pick you two up from the bus stop."

Dipper gasped. "Right! Mabel, I almost forgot! We'll be here any minute! We've got to go tell ourselves to stop Bill! Where did the time tape go?"

"And the spray paint! I gave myself spray paint—"

"Kids—hold on a second." Stan nudged past Ford to kneel in front of Dipper and Mabel. "Listen. I know this isn't how you wanted your vacation to start—especially after we spent all year convincing your parents there won't be any more apocalypses this time—and, I'm sorry. But as soon as you get back from the bus, treat it like you just got here for the first time. We'll say hi, we'll have dinner, you two can make plans to visit your friends tomorrow—and we'll keep all this as far from you as possible."

Dipper started in first. "But, Grunkle Stan—"

"What if you need our help?"

"We've defeated Bill more times than anyone else—"

"And we just saved your lives again!"

"Whoa, easy!" Stan put his hands on their shoulders. "I know you can deal with him—but you shouldn't have to. You're kids, it's summer, you're here to have fun."

"Stan's right," Ford said. "We've already contained Bill—so try not to let him weigh on your mind."

Stan gave them an encouraging smile. "Let the old guys clean up this mess, okay?"

They didn't answer. Instead, they exchanged a glance, and then leaned in to fling their arms around Stan's neck. 

"Hey, hey! C'mon, kids, what's..." His voice caught on a lump in his throat. He wrapped his arms around Dipper and Mabel and squeezed them tight. After a moment, Ford joined in.

They didn't separate until Soos leaned in to crush their lungs.

####

As they ate dinner together around the large living room table, the Pines didn't talk about Bill. They talked about who they wanted to catch up with in town and what events they'd participate in this summer, and the kids' last semester of school, and the places Ford and Stan had traveled, and where in Gravity Falls the kids might be able to continue their judo lessons (by the sound of it, nowhere), and what Stan and Ford remembered about taking boxing as kids, and Dipper's indecision over what electives to take next year, and Mabel's enthusiasm over the parkour classes she'd started at a gym near home.

They didn't talk about why the kids had decided to pick up sports that could help them fight or escape. They didn't bring up all the times Dipper had called Ford after recurring nightmares of being pulled out of his body and left adrift. They didn't comment on Soos and Melody's absence from dinner as they took first watch over the cellar. They didn't ask questions when Stan left the living room table to take a call in the kitchen from his "connections." They didn't speculate on whether Bill might have escaped his puppet's body during the precious seconds between when he passed out and when they completed the barrier belt. They didn't talk about fear.

Down below in the cellar, the unconscious body didn't stir.

[lean-mean-demon-genevieve]

So Gen’s answer to the question of “something I’ve never said before” came after Jared’s very mature response re: his mental health and the host’s outpouring of appreciation.

As I’ve said, she was visibly uncomfortable throughout.

If you were thinking, “there’s no possible way she tries to overshadow his answer with a wholly unbelievable story about how she got locked out of their hotel room whilst bare assed” then you would be wrong.

She won’t say what hotel or in what city, but in summary, she says that after she and Jared “did what couples do” one night (you’ve already lost me lol), she wakes up in the hallway outside their room as the door is closing behind her at 2am. She’s naked, the door is now locked, and Jared is asleep. She goes on to say that she had to go down several flights of stairs and find the lobby in order to get someone to let her back in the room as Jared wasn’t waking up to her knocking.

(Podcast link, at about 52:10)

When I tell you this idiot is HYSTERICALLY telling this story. She sounds manic. And that display of anxiety might lead you to believe that it was a true story, but there’s a few problems here:

1.) She says that she doesn’t sleepwalk and she doesn’t have night terrors. So how in the Great Blue Fuck did she dissociate so hard that she landed in the hallway? The host wants you to think that she was dickmatized by the Padacock. He says there must have been some “magical shit” happening in that bed.

Reference for funsies 👇🏼

(Remember the rumor that he basically had to learn how to tuck to keep it PG on Spn? Anywaysssss…)

It feels more likely that this whole story is a lie or she stole it from someone who was drunk or high as giraffe balls. Because this just ain’t plausible at all.

Gen says that she doesn’t even want to know what happened for her to wind up out in the hall. This is yet again inconsistent with her health anxiety that we have seen over and over again. If this really happened, she would scour all available resources to find the supplement to prevent it…She knows she was high af.

2.) So she’s locked out of the room, goes through a door that she doesn’t recognize (nor is marked as a stairwell, apparently) and then gets locked in said stairwell. The fact it’s not very clearly marked as a stairway exit seems like a fire hazard. But also, how well can you read when you’re inebriated? *side eye*

Down the stairs, to the pool area, through the bar, and finally to the lobby she goes.

3.) Being bare assed, she has no ID on her. But she introduces herself with her full name to the woman at the front desk and is escorted back to the elevator and back to her room. The whole time, presumably still mostly naked save for a scrap of “insulation” she foraged in the stairwell.

So you’re telling me that a naked woman who the attendant doesn’t recognize is not offered so much as a towel to cover her bits while she explains the situation? A high end hotel (because, duh) and no one is concerned about taking care of the naked, confused lady who could be a patron? And who now has that pink fiberglass insulation in her crevices??

And then, per her report, without calling upstairs, she is taken up to the room of a celeb who is presumably in one of the nicest rooms in the building? No questions asked??

She says that once back in the hotel room she points to Jared and says, “see that’s my husband” and the hotel staff is just like “oh well this explains everything…carry on, naked lady.” The whole time Jared is just knocked the fuck out?? Girl…be careful mixing y’all’s Xanax with alcohol. That shit is dangerous.

In conclusion: This. Did. Not. Happen.

What really gets me is the intent behind this performance. Some fans/stans may tell you that Gen regaled us with this hilarious tale to balance the gravity of what Jared had shared. She was trying to make him laugh or feel better, right? I don’t really think so. Jared isn’t uncomfortable talking about his mental health. He wasn’t needing to be cheered up here either. This was a selfish way to let the tension out of the room in order to ease her own discomfort. (It happens in group and couples therapy all the time.) It then also comes across as an attempt to one-up him and end the interview on a wildly memorable note for her. The Mental Health Card is that epic Uno Draw 4 Card that connects Jared to so many and makes him so relatable…and Gen resents him for it.

If you’re skeptical about Gen having a pattern of responding to serious circumstances with immaturity, just listen to her tell it on a previous podcast from 2021:

Translation: Gen’s mom really fucked her up in the emotional intelligence department and she’s never been able to tolerate grave situations without laughter. So I believe that she was and remains Jared’s main support about as much as I believe that she sober-floated into a hotel hallway in her birthday suit.