#what am I doing wrong (rhetorical question because obviously everything)

[freedarick]

Estoy triste porque quiero que me quieran pero no pueden :(

[iliterallydecepticanteven]

Sorry if that's a dumb question but what is actually going on with milk in America right now?

Like, many years ago I heard that raw milk is basically so good and healthy and all but it wasn't really a big thing at the time. (I can tell by your post tho that that might have been misinformation back then already.)

Now it seems like milk was made political because certain groups just kinda... claimed raw milk as theirs?

I am so confused. I am genuinely from a place where milk is not that political (it is a bit but not to THAT extent) and I am just confused about what's going on.

Especially because I did NOT get my information from groups with a certain mindest politics-wise. Or let's just say it how it is. It seems to me like right-wingers are just fucking claiming milk and it fucks me up so much because how is milk even related to politics in the slightest?

Again, sorry if this is a dumb question and kind of a rant but right-wingers and anti-science people infuriate and confuse me. I am confused.

(Also I don't know what's wrong with raw milk but that might be because it's not a big deal in my country anyway. Never seen raw milk for sale anywhere. I wouldn't be surprised if it's banned entirely tbh.

Alright, buckle up because this is gonna a long answer.

For some background, food has always been tied to politics in America whether people realize it or not. The most recent popularity of raw milk in America being associated with right wing politics and conservatives has its ties in conspiracies that the government is "poisoning" us by "tampering" with our food. Additionally, it can be tied back to the libertarian ideas of having absolutely no government involvement in anything ever including food safety. This is the same thought process behind the whole bullshit of "if you can't pronounce an ingredient then it must be bad for you" as if that makes any fucking sense.

A bunch of bullshit studies that were disproven claimed that raw milk contained more vitamins and minerals and enzymes that were destroyed when milk was pastureuzed, making the milk less nutritional. This is of course bullshit as the only difference between raw milk and safe not raw milk is that it gets pastureuzed. Pastureuzing milk is simply the process of heating milk to just below boiling for a period of time to kill bacteria, viruses, and any other pathogens in the milk. You can even pasteurize milk in your home on your stove top!

But it's become a major talking point and a way for conservatives to make themselves feel important and different, by going against policies in place to make them safe, and to "stick it to the man," so to speak. Conservative and right-wing rhetoric is dependent on being right all the time even when they're very obviously not. It's also very anti-science as, if something cannot be easily explained or is considered a waste of time or money, regardless of how vitally important that thing is, it is cast aside and deemed useless.

Now you mentioned America so I assume you're not from here and this where this gets messy. Because unlike other countries, America often allows states to make their own individual laws on certain issues. For example, regardless of where you are in America, you cannot have an alcoholic drink or purchase alcohol unless you are 21 years or older, as this is a federal law and not a state law. But for selling raw milk, that is a state law, which means all 50 states can make their own decisions on whether or not to allow the sale of raw milk. South Carolina allows the sale of raw milk but it's neighboring state of Georgia does not. To further complicate things, some states don't allow raw milk to be sold in stores but it can be sold on farms.

Finally, the main problem with raw milk is that it is full of (and I'm not joking when I say this) shit. Cows are not clean animals, and while modern milking practices do require that their udders be cleaned with antiseptic prior to milking, it doesn't get rid of everything. Pasteurization is a life saving process to ensure safety when consuming milk as heating it kills off common bacteria that may be present due to contamination from the cow's udders being dirty as well as bacteria that may be in the cow's body and perfectly fine for the cow but would absolutely wreck a human body. The most common bacteria include salmonella, e. coli, and listeria, all of which would make someone incredibly sick and possibly even hospitalize or kill them. The good thing is that those bacteria and other bacteria, viruses, and microbes present in raw milk that could harm humans all die at around 165°F/74°C, and pasteurization heats milk to 182°F/83°C, killing off those microbes and making the milk safe to consume.

So, in short, right-wingers and conservatives are using raw milk as their new anti-government anti-science talking point, just like did with the COVID vaccine, and like they did regular vaccines before that. Don't drink raw milk because best case scenario you'll get sick and worst case scenario you'll die. Also, as a bonus, here is my favorite instance of fuck around and find out from a state legalizing the sale of raw milk:

Basically this guy pushed for raw milk to be legalized in West Virginia and when it was he drank a bunch of it in celebration and a few hours later they found him sick as hell on the couch in his office. It still makes me laugh whenever I see it lol

[peachy-lemon83]

Why am I reacting to these like it’s my first time seeing them?? I’ve watched these like at least 3 times and that’s for the new episodes because I was absent in the fandom bc I am a wondering cat who can not stay in one fandom house or even fandom neighborhood lol)

Okay but I actually love Logan giving Deceit room to speak in selfishness v. Selflessness Redux (wether he wanted to or not)

Him being upset at Patton for skipping his information just bc it didn’t contribute to his side

Logan teaming up with Deceit! it was great

It definitely felt like a “you’re both hurting him too” moment for Patton and Roman, especially Patton who seems to be like the purest of light sides. We’ve seen them unintentionally hurt Thomas before but this was huge

(Also is it me or does Deceit seem kind of salty/passive aggressive, almost like he’s upset that something happened bc Thomas wasn’t taking time for himself… mmmmm wonder what big things have happened bc Thomas wasn’t taking his time and listening to parts of himself… -glances at Virgil ducking out- on top of the three of them already being pushed down and out for so long, not being given the seat at the table)

Also why do all the dark side so far have the same humor, it’s always the sarcastic not technically wrong mixed with the taking things literally

Virgil: oh I’m sorry, was I not wanted at this exact second? (His literally 2nd line in the whole series lmao)

Virgil: do you actually want me to count them? (See a previous post of mine for more details and a better actual quote but it was a response to a question from Logan where he couldn’t tell if he actually wanted him to count out how many times they’d done something or if it was rhetorical)

Remus: (in reaction to Logan saying “and figuratively dress him down”) oh! Well if that’s what you wanted, Logan *pants unzip* you could’ve just said so!

(To which Logan screams about how this is the exact reason he puts the silly “figuratively”s in there for since Roman constantly calls them unnecessary)

Also Logan seems to have gotten this form of combating this down pat(ton) and it makes me wonder if he hangs out with them or just maybe just Virgil and that’s why he has this habit or is it just him being himself

Janus: you’re right we wouldn’t want to plant too many trees (after giving a face/noise of “well…” when Patton said something like “everything in moderation”)

Janus:(in response to Romans: “well when is it enough?” Where he’s pretty obviously talking about the previous topic) …trees?

All to come down to my point I love their sense of humor so much lmao

[thebenriksai]

Lost peace (full fic)

Before everything: That was my second fic in terms of our AU and the first fic where I used Nico and Toby. I felt kinda cringe about it, because I showed Toby so badly ahaha. Anyway, have a good read!

An important day for Nicole finally arrived. She would be speaking in public for the first time in her department. She prepared a presentation on the topic of extraterrestrial life, which her department had been studying. She also styled her hair and put on some makeup, so that her colleagues would definitely like her!

—Ha! Even if it's not Aperture, I will definitely make a good first impression! -Nico was finishing her coffee.

— You sound.. too confident. -Toby replied. The guy is a student who works in the cafeteria and makes just wonderful coffee. He was the first one with whom... Nicole became friends(?) of all the people she has met. This guy's silent, but if he speaks, it's always on business. Just like now. He noticed the new girl's overconfidence and tried to gently point it out. He felt that such thing would not lead to good.

— I know! And, oh my God, how much strength it gives me! For the first time I am so happy in this place! And do you know why? — she asked a rhetorical question and looked straight into the Toby's eyes, who had obviously not slept this night — Because today the moment has finally come when I can change people's opinion about me!!

—... good luck. -The guy shrugged shoulders and looked away.

— Thank you!

To her own surprise, the cheerful girl looked at her watch. The moment has come!! The moment when she can transform this place from hell to heaven! Of course, Black Mesa will never replace her much-loved Aperture, but she is ready to make this place more pleasant for herself. To make it less nauseating for her to be here. It took a lot of effort to achieve all this, and in a sense it was feigned joy, but she was sure that without it she would not be accepted into this society. After saying goodbye to the student, she enthusiastically moved to the previously assigned room to finally show the best in herself.

She was shaking. At first it was a pleasant tremor. But with each step, Nicole realized more and more that she was afraid. What if everything goes wrong? What if the situation doesn't depend on her again? The girl slowed down, although time was already running out. What if...she still will be a stranger here? Like a small and frightened kitten hiding in a corner from the murderer of its parents. And so she will be doomed to spend some years of her life trapped in a corner and terribly scared.

Feeling an unpleasant itch in her eyes, she wiped away the tears and resolutely looked into the distance. No. It won't be like this! She can handle it! She will definitely cope!

With such thoughts and a phrase that she repeated all the way to the office, she quickened her pace and stepped much more decisively.

Here it is. The audience. The people she's working with now. They were all so different, but they had something in common. Nicole carefully looked around at everyone present. She was trying to figure out what they had in common..? If she finds the answer, she will easily join them!

— So, uh.. — the girl cleared her throat, sorting through the papers in parallel. All the equipment was already ready for her 'performance'—Me..My name is Nicole. I'm new here..

Before she could finish, the weight of the stares that fell on her intensified. Some began to whisper, remembering her and, most importantly, her old place of work. Swallowing heavily, she continued.

— ..yes. As you know, I came here from Aperture. But..But working with you will be... uh.. — She began to stammer. After skimming through the papers with the prepared text in advance, she still did not find where she left off- ..However, it doesn't matter. I'm sure that's not what we're here for.

The girl sighed. Well, her first fail! She wanted so much to make a good impression, but because of her stupid rashness, she couldn't do it. She glanced at this crowd again and caught her eyes on a long, skinny figure who was sitting somewhere behind and seemed to be silently waiting for something. From this cold look that came from that woman, Nicole felt uneasy, goosebumps ran down her back, which made the girl straighten up. There was a heavy silence in the office, everyone was waiting for action from Nicole. And she was finally ready to talk further.

— Recently ours..more precisely, ahem, yours. Your scientists went back to Xen and took several samples of wildlife from there. There were captured boids among them, a whole pack. One of which, however, had one of its wings torn.

The girl pressed the keyboard key and the slide changed to the next one. She quickly looked around the audience again. That woman was still looking at her. It felt like she wasn't blinking at all...

— So uh..as you can see, this cut is quite a major damage for boid, which is why he will no longer be able to fly. But what influenced this outcome of events? Scientists suggest that Boyd was attacked-

— He just cut himself.

The steel-cold voice made Nicole shudder. She wanted to continue, but tried to find the source of the sound with her eyes. Who interrupted her? No, who dared to interrupt her?

— I'm sorry, but don't interfere with my narration! — Nicole frowned.

— Oh, baby, believe me, I already know what you want to say.

That long and slender figure rose up. The woman was looking at Nicole with her bright green eyes. Is it creepy, is it even natural for a person? A heavy black shadow hung over her face, which seemed to be from her hair braided into a bun, or rather from the peering strands that were difficult to style.

— Excuse me? -Nicole couldn 't believe her ears- ..Baby? — she repeated faintly, feeling noticeably annoyed by the whole situation.

— You're probably saying that Boyd was attacked by some... mm...Let's say panthereye, catching poor boyd. Is that so? The woman, who continued to stand her ground, completely ignored Nicole's exclamations.

— Actually!!..

Nicole stuttered again, barely squeezing out the word under the weight of the stares. Audience looked at the sudden dispute between the two. Some scientist tried to cut in and calm the woman down, but she immediately turned her gaze to him and replied:

— Hush. Let her answer. I need to know what ideas she has about the creatures of Xen..

No one else dared to say a word. There was a heavy tension, and Nicole felt a certain ominous aura around the woman. What's going on?!

— Actually, I wanted to say that Boyd was attacked not by a panthereye, but by a tentacle!

— Why?

Nicole had clearly stumbled somewhere. The woman's face twisted into a caustic smile. There was clearly a trick!!

—I.. I assume that a flock of boids flew over the tentacle, which made him want to knock them out or disperse them, since they could interfere with the tentacle hunting.

— ..amazing. -The woman said and suppressed her grin with difficulty.- You really don't have the slightest idea about the animal world of Xen.

Nicole frowned and clenched her teeth. How dares she... Nico could barely restrain herself from replying something superfluous. She wanted to protect herself, but she wasn't sure of anything at the moment. Maybe Nicole is right and this is just a test by one of the scientists!! But before Nico could do anything, the woman continued:

— First of all, boids make resonant relaxing sounds that allow them to avoid excessive aggression of the living world of Xen. Secondly, tentacle and his hunts only benefit from this. All those who heard the howling of the Boids immediately relax and lose their vigilance, which allows the tentacle to grab the victim without much difficulty. Their world is much more complicated than you think, so such alliances and similar cooperation are not surprising at all. -The woman shrugged her shoulders.

— What?..but..but it is absolutely not written anywhere.. -Nicole said, both stunned and angry. The audience also widened their eyes, listening to what the woman was saying. But, for some reason, no one said anything against it. Were they afraid?...

— Oh, you need to read more carefully. And thirdly... Well, that's right, it's already a task of observation. Boid's wing is carelessly cut. It's like it's been torn up. This can be seen in two photos. Well, okay, this can be forgiven, the photo is really of poor quality, you may not notice it. Tentacle blades cut all organic matter like butter, clearly leaving no such defects. The conclusion is — the pack flew after the leader, who, as we know, tries to avoid obstacles. But, for some reason, one obstacle could not been avoided, which is why boid, who was this very leader, injured his wing. And his pack, having no idea what was going on, went down after him. That's how they were caught.

Nicole was stunned. How..Is that right? Even though Nicole didn't know some of the information, like the rest of those present, as it seemed to her, but everything sounded so plausible and realistic! Everything was perfectly connected. It's like that wannabe was there and saw everything firsthand... But that's impossible!!

- yes... Even so! —Nicole finally found her words.— This does not give you the right to interrupt my narration! I have every right to finish it, even if it is incorrect. In any case, I did not come up with this data, it was provided to me! So what's my fault?

—It would be possible if there weren't newbies like you sitting here, who listen to your every word and taking it as a truth of life. Well, they're almost newbies, they've had about a year of experience. And I've been working here for several years. And it's good that I decided to sit here and listen, otherwise this would have happened.. Well, your task as a scientist is to observe and notice errors that may be contained in the texts so kindly provided to you. —the woman stretched and yawned sweetly, smacking her lips several times— Okay, I'm off. There's nothing else for me to do here.

After these words, the woman really left. Nicole didn't even have time to see her name on the badge. The girl just stood there with her mouth open to the noise of the projector and the tense silence from the audience.

***

The next day. Nicole cried all night from what happened. She had never felt so flawed and pathetic before. And all because she was disgraced by this wannabe who thinks she knows everything about everyone. Pffft. Dumb competitor... Does she think that she can raise herself using Nicole? No, that woman is wrong... Nicole wouldn't just give up and wasn't even going to give up! But she didn't have the strength yet. Thank God what happened did not reach The Administrator and Nicole was still allowed to do more serious work. Now she was supposed to be an assistant and help carry out observations of the creatures from Xen.

And while it was not yet time for work, she stood at the table in the cafeteria and sniffed, remembering yesterday. She had the same Toby with her, still not getting enough sleep and still tired. He tried not to point it out, but he knew perfectly well that something terrible had happened when he saw the redness on the nose and eyes of a friend.

—.. I don't understand.. -Nicole finally said in a trembling voice- ..What the hell did she find out? I was just doing my job... Are you being scolded for completing an order?

Nicole raised her wet eyes to Toby. He listened attentively, so he immediately shook his head negatively. In general, the girl tried to seem strong and unyielding. She wouldn't let anyone see her like this, not even her closest friend. But no matter how sad it was, she had almost no control over her condition now. Thanks to Toby for being okay with it and not asking her anything, pretending that everything was as usual. That's what she needed.

— So and I think not... because it's stupid and not polite..

The girl finally stopped running her finger over the coffee cup and took a sip from there. She felt sick..

— ..well. — the student began, but immediately hesitated after that. He was extremely unsure if he should say anything now. But noticing Nicole's eyes, he animated from this look. He sighed heavily and continued- ..There are inadequate people. Who can quite calmly point on something and you immediately find yourself to blame for everything. -He glanced at Nicole briefly, as if asking if he should speak further or not- ..I have one such lecturer. He is... well... it is impossible to get a good mark. Well, that's just the kind of person he is. I have no choice but to almost fall at his feet. Do you understand what I mean?

—..that we don't solve anything in such situations?

— Yes. — Toby nodded — Unfortunately, this is just life. And like..well. I wouldn't get hung up on it. I care about the result, not the process. In such matters, for sure. And... like... Damn, I don't want to teach you or anyone else, but maybe you should think easier about it too?

— Well, yes.. -Nicole sighed. The student is right as never before. She even envied how calm he was about everything. Although she can't know what he's doing alone with himself. Maybe she's crying too, like her?— Really, I can't do anything here. What happened is over. It's worth rejoicing in general and saying thank you to the gods for this, considering it went unnoticed, and I still have some kind of job.

Their conversation was interrupted by another visitor, who began to dictate Toby their order. Stop. A familiar voice..

Nicole looked up at the client. Immediately, she recognized the tall and skinny figure, only this time she was without a lab coat. She gripped the edge of the table. It's her!!!!

— So it's you! -Nicole blurted out on her own.

The woman jumped a little from surprise at the noise and turned around lazily. She looked at the girl with relaxed eyes and raised one eyebrow.

—..Do I know you?

— It's you! You've disgraced me! -Nicole pointed a finger at her.

— Did I embarrass you?... oh, wait! it's you! You are a new one!! -A malicious smile immediately crept onto the woman's face.— How wonderful, we met again!

— Don't act like nothing happened! — the girl banged her fist on the table—And anyway, it would be strange if we didn't meet again! We work in the same department, unfortunately!

— Oh, yes, yes.. The smile widened.

— She's the one who shamed me! -Nicole was still pointing at the woman and glanced at the student for a second. Toby, in turn, looked almost scared, which was unexpected. He stared at Nicole with wide eyes and shook his head negatively, as if trying to tell her to stop. But Nicole did not notice this, all her attention was focused on the woman.— Why did you do that?! It's almost reached the administration! I could have been fired!

—Really? Sorry.

— Sorry?? SORRY?! -Nicole was furious. She grabbed her hair and pulled it, trying to calm down— And that's all you can say?!? What are you sorry about?!

—..I'm sorry that it didn't reach the administration. It should have been.

— HOW DARE YOU! -Nico finally couldn't stand it.

The woman only grinned slightly at this and took the ready-made coffee from Toby. Sipping it and setting it aside, she calmly reached into her pocket, took out the money and handed it to the student. With a grin, she continued to watch as the new girl freaked out and tried to cope with her emotions. She crossed her arms over her chest, and pushed one leg back a little, leaning on the table. She didn't seem to give a damn about the squeals and complaints.

— Are you enjoying all this?! Nicole continued.

— Yeah. And why not? I didn't do anything wrong. And your reaction amuses me incredibly. You're funny, you're hysterical.

Well, that's the last straw. Nicole was about to jump on her with bare fists, completely forgetting about all the rules of decency, when an unexpected yell returned her to the ground:

"I'M THE QUEEN OF THIS CAFETERIA!!!

Nico shrugged and turned around to see what was going on. Indeed, her mind cleared up and she was grateful to this someone for making her mind sober in time. Otherwise, there would have been only a few steps before being fired.

Meanwhile, the picture was as follows: A young red-haired girl in the uniform of a security guard climbed onto the table and was clearly happy about it. That's why there was this shout. What's going on in this Black Mesa..?

— Whoo, well done, Lee!

Nico turned back to the sound. This woman stood with a smile and clapped her hands. Wait. That look. Why is she so.. wait.

Meanwhile, a young guard had already run up to this wannabe and almost knocked her down with her hugs.

—I'll have a snack!!! — The redhead growled and really started biting

the green-eyed one:

-Ow, ow! What are you doing?

The woman calmly took the so-called Lee in arms and kept her at a certain distance from herself. It suddenly dawned on Nicole.

— It's your daughter?!

Both looked at Nico and laughed. The girl recoiled from such a reaction. She looked at Toby, hoping that he knew something, but he was just biting one finger slightly and looking away. What was he so visibly nervous about??

— This is my sister!! — Lee said cheerfully — And you're the one she mocked yesterday, aren't you?!

— What, sister?! -Nico blushed. And why did she come up with the option of being a daughter?..— Wow, that's the age difference-WAIT, WHAT?!

Lee giggled again

—All right, all right, let me go!! I want coffee!

— No coffee. -The woman replied calmly. Nicole, taking advantage of the situation, finally looked at her badge and read "Susan Thompson". And Lee's badge just said "Lee." It is logical, but at the same time it is strange, where is the last name? ...

— ..Should I make her some cocoa? - she heard Toby's voice as Lee was trying to lick her older sister's chin. Nicole looked at him dumbfounded. So he knows them!!!

—Please. — Susan replied and finally put Lee on his feet. She smiled again.

— Well, cocoa will do too! Sis, let's go to brother!!

— Not now. Don't you see that I'm arguing?

Lee turned to Nicole, who was shocked by the number of children in their family, and turned back to Susan.

— But BenreyBenreyBenrey is better..

— That's right.. but.. ah, okay. Let's go —the woman smiled strangely tenderly, giving up to girl.

Lee immediately threw up her hands, began to rejoice and jump. Susan took the finished cocoa, gave the money to the student again, took her coffee and hurried after the youngest, because she ran pretty fast..

Nicole was left with me in complete shock. She took hold of her head.

— What. Was. That???..

—..this.. -Toby stared at her in silence again. There was worry in his gaze.— You shouldn't have fought with her like that..

—Shush. I don't want to hear it. It turns out that you knew who I was talking about all this time. -She looked at him. He shook his head negatively and was about to open his mouth, but Nico curled her lips— No. Not now. I'm sorry, but not now.

Slowly, the girl moved from the cafeteria towards the office in which she would assist. Toby watched her go and even leaned out of his cabin. He knew exactly where this was going. And he felt terribly embarrassed that he couldn't warn Nicole.

***

The girl was sitting at a large control panel. It seemed to occupy almost the entire space in this room. A couple of metal lockers, armchairs, a table, a microwave on it. That's basically it. There was a window in front that led to a chamber with headcrabs inside. There were 5 samples there. Obviously, not the whole pack, only some tenth of it. The chamber itself was designed like one of the Xen islands, just for, it seems, the headcrabs feel calm and comfortable inside.

Next to Nicole was a man who, judging by his behavior and appearance, was no more than 26 years old. He was the assistant that Nicole took over. Johnny, as he introduced himself, was going to be assigned to another department for some time. He stood next to her, hanging over Nicole a little, and carefully watched her name the function of each button, at least as she understood it herself. He was delighted with how quickly she caught on everything.

—Yeah... And this button? -Johnny pointed to a tiny green button somewhere to the right in the corner.

— Uh.. — Nico, who still hadn't got past the morning, looked down. Fortunately, Johnny was a pleasant enough young man and the girl felt less tense with him. There was something about him that relaxed her—..oh! this is..uh... -She scratched the top of her head. The man was still looking at her with a slight smile, giving her a chance to think and remember—..oh, right! It gives access to lighting control!

The girl beamed at Johnny's face. He just stretched his smile in response and nodded.

— That's right. — Finally, the answer that Nicole wanted to hear was heard.

— Hooray! — the girl allowed herself to be slightly pleased, already enthusiastically examining every key on the control panel. Wow, she really mastered it!

— Well, it's time for you and me to finish..

Johnny sighed and looked at his watch. His eyebrows risen slightly, and his face itself expressed some incomprehension. He consulted his wristwatch and checked the time against the wall clock. This time, his brows furrowed.

— Oh, no. I can't let you go yet.. — he said thoughtfully, tapping his watch with his finger.

—Why? -Nicole asked, watching the man's every action.

— She's late..And why today? -Slightly displeased, he looked away.- I can't leave until she comes. I need to pass you from hand to hand.

— She?.. -Nicole tilted her head in incomprehension.

—..oh! So let me tell you about her while she's walking somewhere! At least you'll be a little ready for her... ahem...peculiar character. -He grinned.

Nicole nodded and sat down more comfortably in her chair. She was already stressed out that she would be working with a certain woman. Moreover, apparently, she also has a bad character.. Anyway, Nico was paying attention and Johnny saw it, so he started his story.

— Her name is Alex. The woman is so... uh...spicy. Perhaps this is the word that would suit her best to describe. — The man leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest — To put it simply — petty, aggressive, extremely attentive and just creepy.

Seeing the discomfort in Nicole's eyes, the man laughed and nodded understandingly.

— I understand. When they told me about her, I was a little scared too. And I was even more scared when I found out that she has a close relationship with Breen, huh..

— Stop. — The girl replied — Wait, with Dr. Breen?? The administrator of this place?!

The man suddenly stopped for a while and looked suspiciously at Nicole.

— Wait, are you saying you haven't heard about Alex at all?? She's on everyone's lips here, everyone is afraid of her here. And you've never even asked why they're afraid of her?

Nicole looked at the floor in discomfort and shook her head. Well, she fails again. She obviously has no luck with the team.

— Well, that's it. Yes, she knows Breen personally and complains to him about every disobedience and violation of someone, once she notices it. If she saw your violation and you were not fired at the same second, you can say that you are very lucky! Like you won the lottery..

Nicole swallowed. God, it's a good thing this Alex didn't see what was going on during that presentation, how she got into an argument with Susan. Otherwise, Nico wouldn't be here anymore..

— But don't be afraid! She also has a lot of good other traits! She may be unbearable, but damn, I honestly think she's one of the smartest scientists here. She knows the world of Xen like the back of her hand! For example, she can easily communicate with... well, with these headcrabs, for example! -Johnny pointed out the window at the headcrabs, some of whom were playing and climbing on top of each other— God knows how she understands them, but they really obey her! She treats them like children, haha! Maybe her powers of observation are helping her, I have no idea. But that's not all that's good about her. There are a lot more things, it's just thing what made her so popular here. A real authority, commands respect!

Johnny temporarily paused his story to clench his hand into a fist and lean it against his chest, ostensibly as a sign of respect. He even closed his eyes and bowed his head, smiling broadly. Nicole, in turn, was trying to make sense of everything the man had just told her. That is, there is another person smarter than that wannabe! Wow, if Alex had been there, she would have put Susan in her place right away! But her famous, apparently, approach to work and outlook on life scared the girl. Will they get along here and won't they kill each other in this little room? Only time will tell. But Nicole decided to show herself to be a really great employee. The main thing is that she does not lose this desire and her attention. Night tantrums, fuck them...

— .. in communication, as your boss, — Johnny continued meanwhile, interrupting Nicole's thoughts, — she behaves like your friend. She talks about topics that are distracted from work, she is interested in how you are doing, and so on. But that doesn't mean she's distracted. I'm not afraid to say this, she's always on the lookout. So do not think that you will really have something friendly and she will forgive you for even the smallest mistake that you made because you were distracted by something..

The door to the room finally opened. And she went inside...Susan?!? What is she doing here?! Nicole shrank back into her chair, obviously not eager to be noticed. A wave of thoughts swept through her head, after which it was empty. The girl was just watching a woman who put a cup of coffee on the table.

— Hello, Johnny. Hello.. -She fixed her bright green eye on Nicole.

— Dr. Alex! We were just remembering you! -Johnny immediately responded, for some reason happy to see this woman. Clearing his throat, he pointed at the frightened blonde—This is the new one! Her name is Nicole. I told her everything I know myself!

The woman squinted, carefully watching Nicole. Nicole, in turn, felt as if she was been stripped, looked at from head to toe, then slowly and painfully had her skin removed. Because of this, she shrank even more.

—... Hm... I guess you did. -Susan said softly. Or Alex. Nicole is confused. Frightened eyes began to run over the woman's shirt and noticed the badge, which still read "Susan Thompson."

— B-But..it's Susan.. -Nicole said softly. Unfortunately, she was heard.

— Hah, no. -Johnny chuckled.- This is Alex. What makes you think her name is Susan?

Nicole's eyes widened even more when it was no longer written "Susan Thompson" on the same badge, but "Alex". And again without a last name. How is this possible?! She was standing there and didn't move!!

—.....wh-what..how..in the same place..It was written there..

Johnny frowned and looked at the woman's badge himself. Then he smiled again and returned his gaze to the frightened girl.

— Alex sometimes wears other badges. By accident. Don't worry so much, her name is Alex, that's for sure!

Nicole swallowed and nodded. She stared at Alex's distorted face with fear. Her bright green eyes looked straight into Nico's soul, as if they glowing from a conveniently placed light, and glittering a little lower in the light were...Fangs??!

— Well, okay, I'll go then. They've been waiting for me already. -Johnny sighed and turned to Alex, who looked completely normal.

— Go ahead. The woman replied coldly as she was putting on her lab coat.

— Oh, come on!

The man came up from behind and gently wrapped his arms around the woman's body, wrapping her in an embrace. She tilted her head slightly and rolled her eyes. He seemed to annoy her with that.

— How about a coffee at 4 o'clock? — he did not calm down.

— Refuse. — the woman replied just as coldly, enduring this with the last of her strength.

Johnny had already started to say something when he was grabbed by the face and pushed towards the door. Alex was sick of his behavior. Or maybe..She was in a hurry to be alone with Nicole, who sat back down in her chair after an unsuccessful escape attempt. The man denied and muttered something in the palm of the woman's hand, but as soon as he was released and he was outside the threshold of this room, he pulled a smile again.

— I'll be waiting for you then! Good luck, new girl! -He winked at Nicole and the door immediately slammed in his face.

The girl trembled. Well, that's it. What's going to happen now? She stared in horror at Alex, who was breathing heavily, hunched up and leaning against the door. She saw that the green eye was still fixed on her. Somehow, her eyes were actually glowing. Brightly.

Nicole is trapped. She even sits in the corner. Panicking, she began to run her eyes around the room and think about how to escape. But she did not find anything useful during this search. There were no ideas either. Maybe now is the time to apologize? No... Nicole can't even move, what else to say. She was shackled by fear while Alex had already started her movement, she felt unexplained danger. Woman climbed up from above, clutching the back of the chair as if with claws. She bent one of her legs at the knee and placed it on the chair between Nicole's legs. She lowered her head to the blonde's face.

—What's up? -Alex asked with a kind of growl. Nicole's face immediately gave off heat, either from the heavy and languid breathing of the woman, or from such awkward intimacy. But it's not important to her now. A lot of thoughts were spinning in Nico's head that they were about to fall, given the angle of inclination of the chair now, that she was about to be gnawed, that Alex reminded her of an animal. And the woman was patiently waiting for an answer, although it was clear from the growl somewhere inside her body that she would not wait long.

—I ... -Nicole stuttered with tears in her eyes- ..excuse me..I'm sorry for what was there then..

Alex suddenly cringed all over. There was a laugh that came deep from the woman's throat. Clearly not a human laugh. But after a moment, she calmed down as suddenly as she laughed.

—What's it to me that you're apologizing here? The job is done. You've made it clear to me what kind of person you are, Nicole. —the woman whispered in the ear of the frightened and panicked girl.— Now I see everything. I know everything. So why apologize? On the contrary, you've given me so much interesting information about yourself. Even more information than is in your blood. -Alex growled the last one, even with hunger.

Nicole was shaking. She wasn't sure how it would end. She still couldn't move. She made only a muffled wheeze, trying to say something.

The woman clicked her tongue and stood on the ground. The chair returned to its usual position, and Nicole slid down a little. Her face was white, and there was a heavy feeling of vomiting inside. Alex dusted off her hands. She seems to have come to her senses.

— Okay, that's in the past! We have to work now! She said with her usual smile and went back to her coffee.— Come to your senses, we still have a lot of work to do.

— ..you are.. a monster. -Nicole muttered.

Alex curled up a little with laughter and answered quietly when she calmed down, continuing to drink her coffee:

— Yep. So be careful.

END

[blueopalorjustalex]

I will duplicate my fic from Ao3 here (again), bc it's comfortable for some people. This time with arts at the beginning and at the end!!

Lost peace (full fic)

An important day for Nicole finally arrived. She would be speaking in public for the first time in her department. She prepared a presentation on the topic of extraterrestrial life, which her department had been studying. She also styled her hair and put on some makeup, so that her colleagues would definitely like her!

—Ha! Even if it's not Aperture, I will definitely make a good first impression! -Nico was finishing her coffee.

— You sound.. too confident. -Toby replied. The guy is a student who works in the cafeteria and makes just wonderful coffee. He was the first one with whom... Nicole became friends(?) of all the people she has met. This guy's silent, but if he speaks, it's always on business. Just like now. He noticed the new girl's overconfidence and tried to gently point it out. He felt that such thing would not lead to good.

— I know! And, oh my God, how much strength it gives me! For the first time I am so happy in this place! And do you know why? — she asked a rhetorical question and looked straight into the Toby's eyes, who had obviously not slept this night — Because today the moment has finally come when I can change people's opinion about me!!

—... good luck. -The guy shrugged shoulders and looked away.

— Thank you!

To her own surprise, the cheerful girl looked at her watch. The moment has come!! The moment when she can transform this place from hell to heaven! Of course, Black Mesa will never replace her much-loved Aperture, but she is ready to make this place more pleasant for herself. To make it less nauseating for her to be here. It took a lot of effort to achieve all this, and in a sense it was feigned joy, but she was sure that without it she would not be accepted into this society. After saying goodbye to the student, she enthusiastically moved to the previously assigned room to finally show the best in herself.

She was shaking. At first it was a pleasant tremor. But with each step, Nicole realized more and more that she was afraid. What if everything goes wrong? What if the situation doesn't depend on her again? The girl slowed down, although time was already running out. What if...she still will be a stranger here? Like a small and frightened kitten hiding in a corner from the murderer of its parents. And so she will be doomed to spend some years of her life trapped in a corner and terribly scared.

Feeling an unpleasant itch in her eyes, she wiped away the tears and resolutely looked into the distance. No. It won't be like this! She can handle it! She will definitely cope!

With such thoughts and a phrase that she repeated all the way to the office, she quickened her pace and stepped much more decisively.

Here it is. The audience. The people she's working with now. They were all so different, but they had something in common. Nicole carefully looked around at everyone present. She was trying to figure out what they had in common..? If she finds the answer, she will easily join them!

— So, uh.. — the girl cleared her throat, sorting through the papers in parallel. All the equipment was already ready for her 'performance'—Me..My name is Nicole. I'm new here..

Before she could finish, the weight of the stares that fell on her intensified. Some began to whisper, remembering her and, most importantly, her old place of work. Swallowing heavily, she continued.

— ..yes. As you know, I came here from Aperture. But..But working with you will be... uh.. — She began to stammer. After skimming through the papers with the prepared text in advance, she still did not find where she left off- ..However, it doesn't matter. I'm sure that's not what we're here for.

The girl sighed. Well, her first fail! She wanted so much to make a good impression, but because of her stupid rashness, she couldn't do it. She glanced at this crowd again and caught her eyes on a long, skinny figure who was sitting somewhere behind and seemed to be silently waiting for something. From this cold look that came from that woman, Nicole felt uneasy, goosebumps ran down her back, which made the girl straighten up. There was a heavy silence in the office, everyone was waiting for action from Nicole. And she was finally ready to talk further.

— Recently ours..more precisely, ahem, yours. Your scientists went back to Xen and took several samples of wildlife from there. There were captured boids among them, a whole pack. One of which, however, had one of its wings torn.

The girl pressed the keyboard key and the slide changed to the next one. She quickly looked around the audience again. That woman was still looking at her. It felt like she wasn't blinking at all...

— So uh..as you can see, this cut is quite a major damage for boid, which is why he will no longer be able to fly. But what influenced this outcome of events? Scientists suggest that Boyd was attacked-

— He just cut himself.

The steel-cold voice made Nicole shudder. She wanted to continue, but tried to find the source of the sound with her eyes. Who interrupted her? No, who dared to interrupt her?

— I'm sorry, but don't interfere with my narration! — Nicole frowned.

— Oh, baby, believe me, I already know what you want to say.

That long and slender figure rose up. The woman was looking at Nicole with her bright green eyes. Is it creepy, is it even natural for a person? A heavy black shadow hung over her face, which seemed to be from her hair braided into a bun, or rather from the peering strands that were difficult to style.

— Excuse me? -Nicole couldn 't believe her ears- ..Baby? — she repeated faintly, feeling noticeably annoyed by the whole situation.

— You're probably saying that Boyd was attacked by some... mm...Let's say panthereye, catching poor boyd. Is that so? The woman, who continued to stand her ground, completely ignored Nicole's exclamations.

— Actually!!..

Nicole stuttered again, barely squeezing out the word under the weight of the stares. Audience looked at the sudden dispute between the two. Some scientist tried to cut in and calm the woman down, but she immediately turned her gaze to him and replied:

— Hush. Let her answer. I need to know what ideas she has about the creatures of Xen..

No one else dared to say a word. There was a heavy tension, and Nicole felt a certain ominous aura around the woman. What's going on?!

— Actually, I wanted to say that Boyd was attacked not by a panthereye, but by a tentacle!

— Why?

Nicole had clearly stumbled somewhere. The woman's face twisted into a caustic smile. There was clearly a trick!!

—I.. I assume that a flock of boids flew over the tentacle, which made him want to knock them out or disperse them, since they could interfere with the tentacle hunting.

— ..amazing. -The woman said and suppressed her grin with difficulty.- You really don't have the slightest idea about the animal world of Xen.

Nicole frowned and clenched her teeth. How dares she... Nico could barely restrain herself from replying something superfluous. She wanted to protect herself, but she wasn't sure of anything at the moment. Maybe Nicole is right and this is just a test by one of the scientists!! But before Nico could do anything, the woman continued:

— First of all, boids make resonant relaxing sounds that allow them to avoid excessive aggression of the living world of Xen. Secondly, tentacle and his hunts only benefit from this. All those who heard the howling of the Boids immediately relax and lose their vigilance, which allows the tentacle to grab the victim without much difficulty. Their world is much more complicated than you think, so such alliances and similar cooperation are not surprising at all. -The woman shrugged her shoulders.

— What?..but..but it is absolutely not written anywhere.. -Nicole said, both stunned and angry. The audience also widened their eyes, listening to what the woman was saying. But, for some reason, no one said anything against it. Were they afraid?...

— Oh, you need to read more carefully. And thirdly... Well, that's right, it's already a task of observation. Boid's wing is carelessly cut. It's like it's been torn up. This can be seen in two photos. Well, okay, this can be forgiven, the photo is really of poor quality, you may not notice it. Tentacle blades cut all organic matter like butter, clearly leaving no such defects. The conclusion is — the pack flew after the leader, who, as we know, tries to avoid obstacles. But, for some reason, one obstacle could not been avoided, which is why boid, who was this very leader, injured his wing. And his pack, having no idea what was going on, went down after him. That's how they were caught.

Nicole was stunned. How..Is that right? Even though Nicole didn't know some of the information, like the rest of those present, as it seemed to her, but everything sounded so plausible and realistic! Everything was perfectly connected. It's like that wannabe was there and saw everything firsthand... But that's impossible!!

- yes... Even so! —Nicole finally found her words.— This does not give you the right to interrupt my narration! I have every right to finish it, even if it is incorrect. In any case, I did not come up with this data, it was provided to me! So what's my fault?

—It would be possible if there weren't newbies like you sitting here, who listen to your every word and taking it as a truth of life. Well, they're almost newbies, they've had about a year of experience. And I've been working here for several years. And it's good that I decided to sit here and listen, otherwise this would have happened.. Well, your task as a scientist is to observe and notice errors that may be contained in the texts so kindly provided to you. —the woman stretched and yawned sweetly, smacking her lips several times— Okay, I'm off. There's nothing else for me to do here.

After these words, the woman really left. Nicole didn't even have time to see her name on the badge. The girl just stood there with her mouth open to the noise of the projector and the tense silence from the audience.

***

The next day. Nicole cried all night from what happened. She had never felt so flawed and pathetic before. And all because she was disgraced by this wannabe who thinks she knows everything about everyone. Pffft. Dumb competitor... Does she think that she can raise herself using Nicole? No, that woman is wrong... Nicole wouldn't just give up and wasn't even going to give up! But she didn't have the strength yet. Thank God what happened did not reach The Administrator and Nicole was still allowed to do more serious work. Now she was supposed to be an assistant and help carry out observations of the creatures from Xen.

And while it was not yet time for work, she stood at the table in the cafeteria and sniffed, remembering yesterday. She had the same Toby with her, still not getting enough sleep and still tired. He tried not to point it out, but he knew perfectly well that something terrible had happened when he saw the redness on the nose and eyes of a friend.

—.. I don't understand.. -Nicole finally said in a trembling voice- ..What the hell did she find out? I was just doing my job... Are you being scolded for completing an order?

Nicole raised her wet eyes to Toby. He listened attentively, so he immediately shook his head negatively. In general, the girl tried to seem strong and unyielding. She wouldn't let anyone see her like this, not even her closest friend. But no matter how sad it was, she had almost no control over her condition now. Thanks to Toby for being okay with it and not asking her anything, pretending that everything was as usual. That's what she needed.

— So and I think not... because it's stupid and not polite..

The girl finally stopped running her finger over the coffee cup and took a sip from there. She felt sick..

— ..well. — the student began, but immediately hesitated after that. He was extremely unsure if he should say anything now. But noticing Nicole's eyes, he animated from this look. He sighed heavily and continued- ..There are inadequate people. Who can quite calmly point on something and you immediately find yourself to blame for everything. -He glanced at Nicole briefly, as if asking if he should speak further or not- ..I have one such lecturer. He is... well... it is impossible to get a good mark. Well, that's just the kind of person he is. I have no choice but to almost fall at his feet. Do you understand what I mean?

—..that we don't solve anything in such situations?

— Yes. — Toby nodded — Unfortunately, this is just life. And like..well. I wouldn't get hung up on it. I care about the result, not the process. In such matters, for sure. And... like... Damn, I don't want to teach you or anyone else, but maybe you should think easier about it too?

— Well, yes.. -Nicole sighed. The student is right as never before. She even envied how calm he was about everything. Although she can't know what he's doing alone with himself. Maybe she's crying too, like her?— Really, I can't do anything here. What happened is over. It's worth rejoicing in general and saying thank you to the gods for this, considering it went unnoticed, and I still have some kind of job.

Their conversation was interrupted by another visitor, who began to dictate Toby their order. Stop. A familiar voice..

Nicole looked up at the client. Immediately, she recognized the tall and skinny figure, only this time she was without a lab coat. She gripped the edge of the table. It's her!!!!

— So it's you! -Nicole blurted out on her own.

The woman jumped a little from surprise at the noise and turned around lazily. She looked at the girl with relaxed eyes and raised one eyebrow.

—..Do I know you?

— It's you! You've disgraced me! -Nicole pointed a finger at her.

— Did I embarrass you?... oh, wait! it's you! You are a new one!! -A malicious smile immediately crept onto the woman's face.— How wonderful, we met again!

— Don't act like nothing happened! — the girl banged her fist on the table—And anyway, it would be strange if we didn't meet again! We work in the same department, unfortunately!

— Oh, yes, yes.. The smile widened.

— She's the one who shamed me! -Nicole was still pointing at the woman and glanced at the student for a second. Toby, in turn, looked almost scared, which was unexpected. He stared at Nicole with wide eyes and shook his head negatively, as if trying to tell her to stop. But Nicole did not notice this, all her attention was focused on the woman.— Why did you do that?! It's almost reached the administration! I could have been fired!

—Really? Sorry.

— Sorry?? SORRY?! -Nicole was furious. She grabbed her hair and pulled it, trying to calm down— And that's all you can say?!? What are you sorry about?!

—..I'm sorry that it didn't reach the administration. It should have been.

— HOW DARE YOU! -Nico finally couldn't stand it.

The woman only grinned slightly at this and took the ready-made coffee from Toby. Sipping it and setting it aside, she calmly reached into her pocket, took out the money and handed it to the student. With a grin, she continued to watch as the new girl freaked out and tried to cope with her emotions. She crossed her arms over her chest, and pushed one leg back a little, leaning on the table. She didn't seem to give a damn about the squeals and complaints.

— Are you enjoying all this?! Nicole continued.

— Yeah. And why not? I didn't do anything wrong. And your reaction amuses me incredibly. You're funny, you're hysterical.

Well, that's the last straw. Nicole was about to jump on her with bare fists, completely forgetting about all the rules of decency, when an unexpected yell returned her to the ground:

"I'M THE QUEEN OF THIS CAFETERIA!!!

Nico shrugged and turned around to see what was going on. Indeed, her mind cleared up and she was grateful to this someone for making her mind sober in time. Otherwise, there would have been only a few steps before being fired.

Meanwhile, the picture was as follows: A young red-haired girl in the uniform of a security guard climbed onto the table and was clearly happy about it. That's why there was this shout. What's going on in this Black Mesa..?

— Whoo, well done, Lee!

Nico turned back to the sound. This woman stood with a smile and clapped her hands. Wait. That look. Why is she so.. wait.

Meanwhile, a young guard had already run up to this wannabe and almost knocked her down with her hugs.

—I'll have a snack!!! — The redhead growled and really started biting the green-eyed one:

-Ow, ow! What are you doing?

The woman calmly took the so-called Lee in arms and kept her at a certain distance from herself. It suddenly dawned on Nicole.

— It's your daughter?!

Both looked at Nico and laughed. The girl recoiled from such a reaction. She looked at Toby, hoping that he knew something, but he was just biting one finger slightly and looking away. What was he so visibly nervous about??

— This is my sister!! — Lee said cheerfully — And you're the one she mocked yesterday, aren't you?!

— What, sister?! -Nico blushed. And why did she come up with the option of being a daughter?..— Wow, that's the age difference-WAIT, WHAT?!

Lee giggled again

—All right, all right, let me go!! I want coffee!

— No coffee. -The woman replied calmly. Nicole, taking advantage of the situation, finally looked at her badge and read "Susan Thompson". And Lee's badge just said "Lee." It is logical, but at the same time it is strange, where is the last name? ...

— ..Should I make her some cocoa? - she heard Toby's voice as Lee was trying to lick her older sister's chin. Nicole looked at him dumbfounded. So he knows them!!!

—Please. — Susan replied and finally put Lee on his feet. She smiled again.

— Well, cocoa will do too! Sis, let's go to brother!!

— Not now. Don't you see that I'm arguing?

Lee turned to Nicole, who was shocked by the number of children in their family, and turned back to Susan.

— But BenreyBenreyBenrey is better..

— That's right.. but.. ah, okay. Let's go —the woman smiled strangely tenderly, giving up to girl.

Lee immediately threw up her hands, began to rejoice and jump. Susan took the finished cocoa, gave the money to the student again, took her coffee and hurried after the youngest, because she ran pretty fast..

Nicole was left with me in complete shock. She took hold of her head.

— What. Was. That???..

—..this.. -Toby stared at her in silence again. There was worry in his gaze.— You shouldn't have fought with her like that..

—Shush. I don't want to hear it. It turns out that you knew who I was talking about all this time. -She looked at him. He shook his head negatively and was about to open his mouth, but Nico curled her lips— No. Not now. I'm sorry, but not now.

Slowly, the girl moved from the cafeteria towards the office in which she would assist. Toby watched her go and even leaned out of his cabin. He knew exactly where this was going. And he felt terribly embarrassed that he couldn't warn Nicole.

***

The girl was sitting at a large control panel. It seemed to occupy almost the entire space in this room. A couple of metal lockers, armchairs, a table, a microwave on it. That's basically it. There was a window in front that led to a chamber with headcrabs inside. There were 5 samples there. Obviously, not the whole pack, only some tenth of it. The chamber itself was designed like one of the Xen islands, just for, it seems, the headcrabs feel calm and comfortable inside.

Next to Nicole was a man who, judging by his behavior and appearance, was no more than 26 years old. He was the assistant that Nicole took over. Johnny, as he introduced himself, was going to be assigned to another department for some time. He stood next to her, hanging over Nicole a little, and carefully watched her name the function of each button, at least as she understood it herself. He was delighted with how quickly she caught on everything.

—Yeah... And this button? -Johnny pointed to a tiny green button somewhere to the right in the corner.

— Uh.. — Nico, who still hadn't got past the morning, looked down. Fortunately, Johnny was a pleasant enough young man and the girl felt less tense with him. There was something about him that relaxed her—..oh! this is..uh... -She scratched the top of her head. The man was still looking at her with a slight smile, giving her a chance to think and remember—..oh, right! It gives access to lighting control!

The girl beamed at Johnny's face. He just stretched his smile in response and nodded.

— That's right. — Finally, the answer that Nicole wanted to hear was heard.

— Hooray! — the girl allowed herself to be slightly pleased, already enthusiastically examining every key on the control panel. Wow, she really mastered it!

— Well, it's time for you and me to finish..

Johnny sighed and looked at his watch. His eyebrows risen slightly, and his face itself expressed some incomprehension. He consulted his wristwatch and checked the time against the wall clock. This time, his brows furrowed.

— Oh, no. I can't let you go yet.. — he said thoughtfully, tapping his watch with his finger.

—Why? -Nicole asked, watching the man's every action.

— She's late..And why today? -Slightly displeased, he looked away.- I can't leave until she comes. I need to pass you from hand to hand.

— She?.. -Nicole tilted her head in incomprehension.

—..oh! So let me tell you about her while she's walking somewhere! At least you'll be a little ready for her... ahem...peculiar character. -He grinned.

Nicole nodded and sat down more comfortably in her chair. She was already stressed out that she would be working with a certain woman. Moreover, apparently, she also has a bad character.. Anyway, Nico was paying attention and Johnny saw it, so he started his story.

— Her name is Alex. The woman is so... uh...spicy. Perhaps this is the word that would suit her best to describe. — The man leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest — To put it simply — petty, aggressive, extremely attentive and just creepy.

Seeing the discomfort in Nicole's eyes, the man laughed and nodded understandingly.

— I understand. When they told me about her, I was a little scared too. And I was even more scared when I found out that she has a close relationship with Breen, huh..

— Stop. — The girl replied — Wait, with Dr. Breen?? The administrator of this place?!

The man suddenly stopped for a while and looked suspiciously at Nicole.

— Wait, are you saying you haven't heard about Alex at all?? She's on everyone's lips here, everyone is afraid of her here. And you've never even asked why they're afraid of her?

Nicole looked at the floor in discomfort and shook her head. Well, she fails again. She obviously has no luck with the team.

— Well, that's it. Yes, she knows Breen personally and complains to him about every disobedience and violation of someone, once she notices it. If she saw your violation and you were not fired at the same second, you can say that you are very lucky! Like you won the lottery..

Nicole swallowed. God, it's a good thing this Alex didn't see what was going on during that presentation, how she got into an argument with Susan. Otherwise, Nico wouldn't be here anymore..

— But don't be afraid! She also has a lot of good other traits! She may be unbearable, but damn, I honestly think she's one of the smartest scientists here. She knows the world of Xen like the back of her hand! For example, she can easily communicate with... well, with these headcrabs, for example! -Johnny pointed out the window at the headcrabs, some of whom were playing and climbing on top of each other— God knows how she understands them, but they really obey her! She treats them like children, haha! Maybe her powers of observation are helping her, I have no idea. But that's not all that's good about her. There are a lot more things, it's just thing what made her so popular here. A real authority, commands respect!

Johnny temporarily paused his story to clench his hand into a fist and lean it against his chest, ostensibly as a sign of respect. He even closed his eyes and bowed his head, smiling broadly. Nicole, in turn, was trying to make sense of everything the man had just told her. That is, there is another person smarter than that wannabe! Wow, if Alex had been there, she would have put Susan in her place right away! But her famous, apparently, approach to work and outlook on life scared the girl. Will they get along here and won't they kill each other in this little room? Only time will tell. But Nicole decided to show herself to be a really great employee. The main thing is that she does not lose this desire and her attention. Night tantrums, fuck them...

— .. in communication, as your boss, — Johnny continued meanwhile, interrupting Nicole's thoughts, — she behaves like your friend. She talks about topics that are distracted from work, she is interested in how you are doing, and so on. But that doesn't mean she's distracted. I'm not afraid to say this, she's always on the lookout. So do not think that you will really have something friendly and she will forgive you for even the smallest mistake that you made because you were distracted by something..

The door to the room finally opened. And she went inside...Susan?!? What is she doing here?! Nicole shrank back into her chair, obviously not eager to be noticed. A wave of thoughts swept through her head, after which it was empty. The girl was just watching a woman who put a cup of coffee on the table.

— Hello, Johnny. Hello.. -She fixed her bright green eye on Nicole.

— Dr. Alex! We were just remembering you! -Johnny immediately responded, for some reason happy to see this woman. Clearing his throat, he pointed at the frightened blonde—This is the new one! Her name is Nicole. I told her everything I know myself!

The woman squinted, carefully watching Nicole. Nicole, in turn, felt as if she was been stripped, looked at from head to toe, then slowly and painfully had her skin removed. Because of this, she shrank even more.

—... Hm... I guess you did. -Susan said softly. Or Alex. Nicole is confused. Frightened eyes began to run over the woman's shirt and noticed the badge, which still read "Susan Thompson."

— B-But..it's Susan.. -Nicole said softly. Unfortunately, she was heard.

— Hah, no. -Johnny chuckled.- This is Alex. What makes you think her name is Susan?

Nicole's eyes widened even more when it was no longer written "Susan Thompson" on the same badge, but "Alex". And again without a last name. How is this possible?! She was standing there and didn't move!!

—.....wh-what..how..in the same place..It was written there..

Johnny frowned and looked at the woman's badge himself. Then he smiled again and returned his gaze to the frightened girl.

— Alex sometimes wears other badges. By accident. Don't worry so much, her name is Alex, that's for sure!

Nicole swallowed and nodded. She stared at Alex's distorted face with fear. Her bright green eyes looked straight into Nico's soul, as if they glowing from a conveniently placed light, and glittering a little lower in the light were...Fangs??!

— Well, okay, I'll go then. They've been waiting for me already. -Johnny sighed and turned to Alex, who looked completely normal.

— Go ahead. The woman replied coldly as she was putting on her lab coat.

— Oh, come on!

The man came up from behind and gently wrapped his arms around the woman's body, wrapping her in an embrace. She tilted her head slightly and rolled her eyes. He seemed to annoy her with that.

— How about a coffee at 4 o'clock? — he did not calm down.

— Refuse. — the woman replied just as coldly, enduring this with the last of her strength.

Johnny had already started to say something when he was grabbed by the face and pushed towards the door. Alex was sick of his behavior. Or maybe..She was in a hurry to be alone with Nicole, who sat back down in her chair after an unsuccessful escape attempt. The man denied and muttered something in the palm of the woman's hand, but as soon as he was released and he was outside the threshold of this room, he pulled a smile again.

— I'll be waiting for you then! Good luck, new girl! -He winked at Nicole and the door immediately slammed in his face.

The girl trembled. Well, that's it. What's going to happen now? She stared in horror at Alex, who was breathing heavily, hunched up and leaning against the door. She saw that the green eye was still fixed on her. Somehow, her eyes were actually glowing. Brightly.

Nicole is trapped. She even sits in the corner. Panicking, she began to run her eyes around the room and think about how to escape. But she did not find anything useful during this search. There were no ideas either. Maybe now is the time to apologize? No... Nicole can't even move, what else to say. She was shackled by fear while Alex had already started her movement, she felt unexplained danger. Woman climbed up from above, clutching the back of the chair as if with claws. She bent one of her legs at the knee and placed it on the chair between Nicole's legs. She lowered her head to the blonde's face.

—What's up? -Alex asked with a kind of growl. Nicole's face immediately gave off heat, either from the heavy and languid breathing of the woman, or from such awkward intimacy. But it's not important to her now. A lot of thoughts were spinning in Nico's head that they were about to fall, given the angle of inclination of the chair now, that she was about to be gnawed, that Alex reminded her of an animal. And the woman was patiently waiting for an answer, although it was clear from the growl somewhere inside her body that she would not wait long.

—I ... -Nicole stuttered with tears in her eyes- ..excuse me..I'm sorry for what was there then..

Alex suddenly cringed all over. There was a laugh that came deep from the woman's throat. Clearly not a human laugh. But after a moment, she calmed down as suddenly as she laughed.

—What's it to me that you're apologizing here? The job is done. You've made it clear to me what kind of person you are, Nicole. —the woman whispered in the ear of the frightened and panicked girl.— Now I see everything. I know everything. So why apologize? On the contrary, you've given me so much interesting information about yourself. Even more information than is in your blood. -Alex growled the last one, even with hunger.

Nicole was shaking. She wasn't sure how it would end. She still couldn't move. She made only a muffled wheeze, trying to say something.

The woman clicked her tongue and stood on the ground. The chair returned to its usual position, and Nicole slid down a little. Her face was white, and there was a heavy feeling of vomiting inside. Alex dusted off her hands. She seems to have come to her senses.

— Okay, that's in the past! We have to work now! -She said with her usual smile and went back to her coffee.— Come to your senses, we still have a lot of work to do.

— ..you are.. a monster. -Nicole muttered.

Alex curled up a little with laughter and answered quietly when she calmed down, continuing to drink her coffee:

— Yep. So be careful.

END

(art by @pigel0n)

[mineofilms]

Political Discourse on Perspective

“Great Minds Talk About Ideas. Average Minds Talk About Events. Small Minds Talk About People…” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

The Extreme-Progressive-Woke-Left collectively talk a lot about other people and/or groups of other people, usually pertaining to Donald Trump, whom I am not a direct supporter of. I am probably going Independent if I vote at all. Just so it is known. I have just as many issues with the right than I do the left.

Your everyday average-middle-class American are thinking more, they are talking up more, they are curious, they ask questions and then ask more questions. They are humble, they will and often do listen to multiple angles of a conversation. They try to make the illogical, logical. They try to make all the things that do not make sense, make sense. Your average-middle-class person is attracted to these things. Go to New York City, Chicago, Denver, Seattle, San Francisco, and Washington D.C. What do you see besides the obvious? Lots and lots of bitterness. I see a lot of, ‘alleged,’ smart people who do not have the sense to use that, ‘alleged,’ intelligence and who do not have it mentally, emotionally, and intellectually together. What I see is a lot of people who say they are smart by default based on where they went to school. When I say school, I mean college. None of these people would ever attempt to say they are smart and not be from a fancy college. I see these same people, bitter, living in interconnected boxed right angles, stacked onto one another, like how one would organize the useless things they own and then sit back and be proud of that. Working dead-end jobs, being jealous of others that live free, outside in the sunlight, eating fresh non-processed food. We see the people in the Mainstream-Progressive-Woke-Left-Establishment trying to appear to be intellectuals, but what they are really doing, in doing so, making stupid decisions or saying illogical things, like not being able to properly define what a woman is or that "kill the Jews," is not harassment on college campuses. They won’t condemn “Death to America” chants in public. What we are seeing now isn’t just illogical, it is just really dumb. Extreme-Progressive-Woke-Left collectively attempts to make minority issues displayed as majority issues and those issues be labeled as normal and/or everyday ‘FACTS...’” They keep telling us everything is great and the country has never been better.

We all look outside for ourselves, check our bank accounts, go to the grocery store and that is not the reality that is being projected onto us by them.

The disconnect of the Extreme-Progressive-Woke-Left with your average everyday citizen that identifies as left and/or right is becoming a real problem. It has been a real problem since this movement has attempted to make what are obviously bad ideas appear good and use very poorly executed reverse psychology to tell us we are all wrong, bad, evil and stupid for questioning anything this point of view labels as normal, news and/or facts... As previously stated; I am not even a Trump-guy and can see through all this bullshit. Basically, anyone that doesn't agree with their 'class' is an ‘anti-intellectualist.’ First it needs to be stated that in order to be an intellectual, one has to be, you know, 'intellectual.' Simply going on TV and pulling a Vice President-Second in Command-Dumb-Dumb-of the Year-Kamala Harris-Word-Salad of nonsensical rhetoric does not make what anyone has to say right by default. That is why more people are looking / scoffing at the left. Not because they are left or democrat by default but rather they have had power and look what they did with it. They undid Trump's work out of spite, regardless of right/wrong for the country. It was literally like 15-yr-old high school TikTok drama and then they turn around and tell us, it is all our fault too. That to me is crazy. It would be ok if the left was; “hey, we FK'd up, we'll do better if we win.” No. They say we're better now with Biden than we were with Trump and here is the proof. What proof? The reality is we are not better. They keep on telling us bad is good and we need to accept it. We try to vote, talk, say things that make sense and they turn around and use more language that logically makes no sense.

"Anti-intellectualism…" What in the hell are they talking about?

After “The Matrix Reloaded” (2003) came out. I first thought that both the red and blue pills did the exact same thing. If you take the blue pill or the red pill that one would still wake up in a pod fighting the good fight. That is what I thought back then. I used to joke that if it were me I would give Morpheus the finger, take both pills and jump out the window yelling “wild card,” like Charlie from “Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” Nowadays; I see Red/Blue, in both political terms and philosophical terms, that each ‘choice’ may have a different road, but all roads lead to the same destination. The Red/Blue pill itself is like seeing reality in 2D, flat, a straight line, no depth, while those that control the flow of both pills/colors, see reality in 3D and/or 4D depending on what level of control we have here. 2D beings will never be able to understand and/or perceive 3D, let alone 4D. Even how we perceive 4D, from the 3D perspective is very tough to see/interact with/understand. You take red, you go right. You take blue, you go left. Both roads are curved, but they seem straight to us. Eventually, because they are curved both roads lead to the same destination. The majority of humanity follows the curve, thinking they are going in a straight line away from the opposing color never conceiving that they are playing right into the system's hands.

• Control Dissidence – is when a person believes that they are free, but they do not know that they are more oppressed than those who are still stuck in “The Matrix.” Both pills are a lie. The choice was always an illusion. “Choice is an illusion created between those with power and those without. You see there is only one constant. One universal. It is the only real truth.” ~Merovingian, “The Matrix Reloaded” (2003).

A logical fallacy is a flaw or error in reasoning that undermines the validity of an argument. It involves deceptive or incorrect reasoning that may lead to an unsound conclusion. Logical fallacies can be categorized into various types, and they often manifest in the form of faulty patterns of thinking, misleading evidence, or irrelevant reasoning. These flaws can occur in coherent or probabilistic reasoning and may be intentional or unintentional.

Common Types of Logical Fallacies Include:

• Ad Hominem – Instead of dealing with someone's argument, you attack the person who's making the argument.

• Straw Man – Making someone else's argument look weaker than it really is, so it's easier to criticize. (Over simplification).

• False Cause – Thinking one thing caused another just because they happened together, without enough proof.

• Circular Reasoning – Using the conclusion of your argument as one of the reasons your argument is true, but it doesn't actually prove anything. (Most popular and currently in play most days of the 2020s).

• Appeal to Authority – Believing something is true just because an important person or source said so, without looking at the actual argument. (Very common in the political landscape).

• False Dichotomy – Making it seem like there are only two options when there could be more. (Most binary information systems, like the two-party system).

• Hasty Generalization – Jumping to a conclusion based on too little or biased evidence.

• Appeal to Ignorance – Saying something is true just because it hasn't been proven false, or vice versa.

• Red Herring – Bringing up something irrelevant to distract from the main point.

• Honorable Mentions – Pseudo – Pseudo-logic – Pseudo-intellect – Pseudoscience. Pseudo literally means ‘made-up.’ Let’s not forget, ‘anti-intellectualism.’

Recognizing and avoiding logical fallacies is essential for constructing sound and persuasive arguments, as they can undermine the credibility and effectiveness of reasoning. Critical thinking skills, common sense and logic practitioning are crucial for identifying and addressing logical fallacies in both everyday discourse and more formal debates.

Presentism – uncritical adherence to present-day attitudes, especially the tendency to interpret past events in terms of modern values and concepts.

Presentism is a WOKE and/or Progressive attribute of belief. WOKE is both a Subculture and Internet Subculture that attempts to make minority issues displayed as majority issues and those issues be labeled as normal and/or everyday ‘FACTS...’ Keyword semantic concepts, 'minority...' Minority means, minor, not many, not all, not most, but “some.” Minority can never be mistaken for majority, which is most, much more than minority. These concepts are not one in the same. Presentism refers to a common tendency to judge historical events, people, or ideas by today's standards and values. Instead of understanding the context of a particular time period, presentism applies current beliefs and attitudes to past situations. For example, it's like saying someone from the past was wrong because they didn't act according to today's morals, even though the norms and values back then were much different than present day society. This approach overlooks the complexities of history and fails to appreciate the unique circumstances of each era. Presentism can distort our understanding of the past and prevent us from learning valuable lessons from history. In simpler terms, it's like trying to fit square pegs into round holes—forcing current ideas onto past events without considering the differences in time and context. So, being aware of presentism helps us approach history with a more open mind and understand it in its proper context.

Rhetoric as Semantics:

Rhetoric is the art of being a master bullshiter…

In semantics the meanings in the words would require logical, real, facts and not pseudo-facts where ‘pseudo’ literally means ‘made-up.’ The one part of this that I have always challenged is this all comes down to what a real, true, fact is and what isn't. Facts are obtained by the scientific method, not faith or a/the belief of it (whatever 'it' is). Belief in something doesn't necessarily always mean it is both real and/or true. Belief is just that, a belief, a thought that something ‘could be’ real/true. One believes this, whatever this is, to be true. A fact is taking that belief and proving it is actually real and/or true in the real world… I look deep into most of the things that are being spewed as semantics, but really are just rhetoric, where semantics is the study of real and true meanings of words and phrases and are based on credible facts. Where rhetoric only has to appear it is based on credible facts, but doesn’t actually have to include anything real, true or fact, merely that it only sounds plausible.

For some very odd reason our society has allowed far too much nonsensical thinking to become part of our everyday mental processes. Our attention spans are so limited now. We can blame the internet and/or social media, but the internet was not always like that. People used to spend hours behind their computer screens. I still do, very much so. Things used to be long format. Things used to take time. Now anything over a few sentences on social media via a smartphone or a video up on YouTube is longer than 8-minutes people skip it and move onto something else that is over-simplified.

It is us. We did this. We are doing this. We are allowing this.

It is a real shame that people who are not very intelligent, in general, should become people who lead us. It really does boggle my mind sometimes that some, ok, most, of the people who lead us are of less intelligence than a majority of the very many that make up our everyday average-middle-class American. In a world where presentism reigns supreme, the past becomes a battleground for contemporary ideologies that don’t even make logical sense. History is and is always both complex and written by those that won the wars. To judge it through the narrow lens of today's hypersensitivity of narcissistic-sociopathy that is now our ‘new normal’ misses its richness entirely. As we attempt logical discourse, let's strive for fuller depth of context, recognizing that the past is not a mirror of the present, but a window into how we used to be and where we should go from here. So, let's approach history with humility and curiosity, embracing its diversity and learning from its lessons and/or mistakes. The 80’s were better than the 90s. The 90s were better than the 2000s. It’s always been that way. All of the above, all at once, never ending.

It is more important to remember how it actually happened or those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. And that is exactly where we are heading. Rome fell over a time span of 150 years. I dare us to do better…

Political Discourse on Perspective by David-Angelo Mineo 4/19/2024 2,182 Words

[finelinevogue]

high school y/n helping harry study for a test

ok WHOOOOO first highschool request! thank uuuu! keep ‘em coming <33

“No more!” Harry whined, flopping off the edge of your bed and hanging over it.

“Sit up y’wally. You’ll have all the bloody rush to your head and then you won’t pass the test.” You said, sitting down on the floor beside your bed, back to the mattress for support.

“Y’mean the test that i’m going to fail anyways because nothing is going in?” He asked rhetorically.

Harry had been over at yours now for three hours, studying. Harry wasn’t stupid, per say, it was just that he had the wrong studying techniques and so nothing ever stuck. With you, however, you didn’t do anything other than study, thanks to the lack of friends over the years, so you knew the most effective ways to study.

When you’d learnt that Harry’s grades were dropping exponentially, you offered him help. At first he’d been really arsey about it, embarrassed that you’d even asked. He came to his senses though.

“Okay. Teach me everything you know.”

Harry banged his textbooks on the table you were sat at, pulling out the chair opposite you and sitting himself down.

“Sshh.” Some guy whispered from the next table over, obviously a bit annoyed that Harry had just come in and disturbed his flow of work. You stifled a giggle and looked up from your books.

“Oh you shush.” Harry whispered back, pulling a face before returning his gaze back to you. “So…?”

“I want a caramel frappuccino every monday for the rest of high-school.” You bargained for in return, not letting him get off too easy since he did originally turn you down whilst laughing at you.

“Like I said. Teach me everything you know.”

Today, you were teaching Harry about the Industrial Revolution and what impacts it had on the present day.

It had been a very slow start to the session today, but you actually thought that he was going to nail this test. He had a really good understanding of the subject and was obviously interested in it, considering he kept asking random questions. Now, though, he was getting tired. So we were you.

“We just have one more chapter to do Harry, c’mon.” You stressed, knowing that he could do this especially if he did it with you.

“You suck.”

“And you’re a dickhead for forgetting my caramel frappuccino today. So we’re even.” You explained.

“Well what can I offer to sweeten your heart?” He asked, trying to butter you up so he could get away with not studying anymore.

You pondered over his question and blushed slightly as you thought about what you wanted.

“N-nothing.” You answered carefully.

“Bull-shit.” He broke the work up to emphasise how much he could tell that was a lie. “Look, I may not be clever enough to remember the dates of the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, but I do know that when a girl gets flustered it’s because she’s thinking something she probably shouldn’t be. Am I right?”

Damn, he was good.

“1760.” You answered, avoiding his words.

“What?”

“The Industrial Revolution began in 1760. Ended in 1840.”

“Nice save, genius.” He smirked, before allowing you to continue.

You both carried on with your session, leaning all sorts of historic facts that would benefit you greatly in the test, all whilst Harry was unaware that it was his lips that you were thinking about and what they’d taste like if they fell upon yours.

[randomperson351]

Interview - ML

Summary: Your interview with Michael Langdon leaves you lost for words.

Note: ~~~~ means time skip.

Do not repost or rewrite my work. Minors and ageless blogs get blocked.

Masterlist

"Mr Langdon will see you now." Ms Mead came in to the library and told me.

Letting out a breath of apprehension, I stood from my place on the sofa and headed in the direction of Langdon's office so I wouldn't keep him waiting. Something about the man made me nervous, whether it was because of the way he could command the room as soon as he walked in or simply because it was the first new person we'd seen in months I didn't know, but one thing I knew for sure is he definitely had me on edge.

Before I knew it, I had reached the outside of his office. I debated just walking in but thought that might be rude; so I raised my hand to knock first. However, before I could, the door opened by itself and left me stood there like an idiot with my hand mid-air in the shape of a fist.

I lowered my hand and took the open doors as a sign to walk in. I looked around cautiously to check out this new room, curiosity getting the better of me as I saw no Langdon around.

After I had taken in my fill of the room and was satisfied I wasn't going to be murdered, I remained stood up by one of the leather chairs by the fire waiting for Langdon to reveal himself.

I stood patiently waiting for about three minutes when my eyes cast over the chairs to see the one I was leaning next to was crooked. As I thought it wouldn't do any harm, I lent over and fixed the pillow on the chair and the chair itself. "You have a gift for making the ugly look presentable." Langdon's voice rang out from the back of the room.

"Well, order on the outside can do wonders to keep the chaos safely on the inside." I responded, straightening myself up and facing the man leisurely lent against the stairs.

"Something wrong with the furniture?" He asked me, cocking his head slightly to one side.

"No no, I was just straightening the pillow and the chair, they were tilted to the side slightly." I explained, keeping eye contact with him.

He started wandering forwards until he reached a few paces away from me and outstretched his hand to the chair I was just fiddling with.

"Sit, I insist."

Following his request, I took a seat in the chair and he sat in the one opposite me. We were observing each other for a while before he sat back into the chair and released a heavy sigh.

"So, who deserves a shot at salvation?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Well I am only assuming but I'd say you've been here long enough to make appropriate judgements of the inhabitants of this Outpost. Wouldn't you?" He asked me obviously.

"I didn't think that would be my place to say Mr Langdon." I answered honestly, because it wasn't. I was a mere grey compared to some of the over-bearing purples that were occupying the space in the Outpost.

"For what reason Miss Dubois?(Du-bwa)" He yet again questioned me inquisitively, not moving from his spot on the chair.

"I am a grey, Mr Langdon; and Ms Venable runs this Outpost so she oversees everything that happens." I explained, lightly tugging the tight collar of my horrid dress uniform away from my neck.

"Yes, however you are the eyes and ears. You see and hear everything about everyone; even Ms Venable, no?" He asked me rhetorically, leaning forward from his previous slouched position.

"I wouldn't go as far as to say that Mr Langdon." I disagreed respectfully, shifting my eyes momentarily to the floor before meeting his gaze again. When I did, I saw that he had a hint of a smile on his face.

"Come." Was all he said, standing and beckoning me with his hand in the direction of his desk. Without hesitation, I stood and followed. It didn't take an idiot to figure who was really in charge here, and it sure as hell isn't Venable.

I took a seat in the chair in front of his desk and he sat in the one opposite me.

"Tell me about them; the purples and Ms Venable." He demanded softly, leaning forward and placing his elbows on the desk.

"What would you like to know?" I relented knowing there was no scenario where I could get out of this.

"Ms Venable, her rules here are...quite constricting, wouldn't you agree?" He started.

"I suppose."

"You don't think they're limiting in any way?" At that point it clicked. Langdon was obviously trying to get me to spout off about Venable so I'd get in trouble and then be executed. After all I was only a grey, and it would mean one less mouth to feed. Well, two can play at that game Mr Langdon.

"I think they do what they need to in order to keep everyone inside the Outpost alive, whether some people find them constricting is a matter of opinion." I said half-truthfully. If he thought he was going to outsmart me just so I would be killed he can think again.

"You're lying." He stated confidently, but showed no sign of anger.

"The Devil you know." I responded with a tilt to my head; Michael just chuckled.

"I like you. You're not like any of the others."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Mr Langdon." I cut his flirting session dead. To be honest, I just wanted to get back to my duties; and that's something I never thought I'd be saying.

"Why would I need to flatter you, Miss Dubois?"

"Because I know what your little game is Mr Langdon, and I will not be played with just so you can have me executed."

"Why would I want to have the only interesting person here executed?"

"You're in cahoots with Ms Venable and you won't trick me into mouthing off about her or her rules just so you can rat me out and get me shot in the head." I exploded, I was so sick of people thinking I was dumb just because I was a grey. Michael was silent for a while. The only movement he showed was removing his elbows from the desk, but he kept eye contact with me.

"Let's make one thing perfectly clear; I am not, nor will I ever be, Ms Venable's lap dog to be controlled. I am in a position of authority above her and I'm disappointed you would believe otherwise, I thought you were the smart one."

Now I knew I'd fucked up. I don't what came over me to just lay into him but whatever confidence that was, it had surely disappeared now. Releasing a sigh, I knew what I needed to do.

"I apologise Mr Langdon."

"Accepted but not quite forgiven. You may leave now Miss Dubois, I shall come and find you at a later date." He dismissed me.

Walking back to the library where I was before, I was on the verge of crying. Now I definitely wasn't getting out of here, and that was certain. The worst part?It was my own doing. If I hadn't opened my stupid mouth I wouldn't be in this position.

Nevertheless, I picked up my cleaning equipment and packed it away. Luckily tonight I could have an early night because I wasn't on kitchen duty, so I headed straight upstairs and dove into my room; practically ripping the horrid dress off and catapulting my shoes across the room.

Usually I had trouble sleeping on the concrete bed that had one pillow and a small blanket, but after today’s fiasco I had no doubt that I'd be out like a light once my head touched the pillow. Thankfully on this occasion, I was right.

~~~~

The next morning I was completely and utterly frazzled. My nerves were on edge from my interview the day before, I had an early morning shift that I was accidentally late starting so Venable decided she would slap me and demanded I take on 3 hours of extra cleaning after my shift had ended as punishment.

I was five hours into my shift which was twelve hours long and I quickly went to bathroom. Looking in the small, cracked mirror that was hung above my sink, I saw how the slap I got from Venable earlier had split both my top and bottom lip. I sighed and grabbed some toilet paper from the roll on the side and wet it under the tap, bringing it to my lip to hopefully clean away some of the dried blood that I couldn't wipe away earlier.

Part of me wondered if it was Langdon's doing, if he eventually decided to rat me out to Venable about my behaviour and me being late was the perfect excuse for her to start doling out her punishments. Although the more I thought about it Langdon was very clear in the fact that he wasn't 'Ms Venable's lap dog' so I assumed if he had such a problem he would have either already killed me or come to find me about it himself.

Realising I'd been in the bathroom for a while, I quietly snuck out and back into the corridor with the other greys, hoping to blend in for the rest of the day the best I could with a busted lip.

Thankfully, the rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I mainly stayed hidden from view if I could or escaped to just do some cleaning or restocking. Since I started at 6am, I was getting a bit lethargic to say the least and I still had another 3 hours on top of my shift to work.

At 6pm, I served the purples their dinner and went back into the kitchen to hopefully get half a cube for myself, which were our normal rations as greys, but I was stopped by Ms Mead along the way. She demanded that I start on my extra 3 hours right away and that there was no time for food.

"What am I meant to be doing that's taking up three hours Ms Mead?" I asked curiously. Unfortunately a horrible smile made its way onto her face before she answered.

"Follow me and bring your cleaning trolley."

She led me through the hallways and back into the library where she first called me for my interview.

"Ms Venable has asked for you to clean each and every book so there isn't a speck of dust on them. Only once you have cleaned every book will you be allowed to sleep." Ms Mead announced almost gleefully.

"But that's going to take so much longer than three hours!" I exclaimed with my mouth agape.

"You will do as requested or be executed." The smile was now gone from Mead's face.

"But my punishment was only for-" I was interrupted by a harsh slap from Mead; this time across the upper part of my face, no doubt splitting open my eyebrow.

"You shall do as requested or be executed, I don't care which."

And with that, Mead left me locked in the library with a bleeding eyebrow, swollen bloody lip and a tray of cleaning products.

~~~~

It was 8:30pm. In theory, I only had half an hour left but I was only halfway through the books. Deciding I'd completely had enough of this place and my punishment, I half-assed cleaning the rest of the books; chucked all my stuff back onto the trolley and left the library.

By the time I'd locked my trolley away and made it back upstairs, it was 10pm; an hour after curfew. I felt completely exhausted as I dragged my feet up to my cell of a room and I felt my eyes falling shut as I walked.

"Miss Dubois, what are you doing up? Curfew is at 9 o'clock unless I'm misinformed?" Came the voice of Langdon from behind me. I chose not to be snarky or sarcastic to his comment, despite the slight teasing tone his sentence had.

"I was asked to work after my shift. I've only just finished and I'm going to bed, you can ask Ms Mead or Venable if you'd like to check." I told him, turning my head slightly over my shoulder to look at him as I continued the walk to my room.

Hearing silence follow my statement, I merely assumed Langdon had departed back to his own room; however I was mistaken when opening my door to have him push it back shut.

When I looked up to his face I expected to see a teasing smile or even just a hint of humour; yet I was met with a stone cold expression and furrowed eyebrows, causing me to lean back slightly from the coldness coming off of his face.

"What happened?" He asked sharply, somehow stopping me from moving further away and keeping his hand on my bedroom door so I couldn't run inside.

"What?" I questioned airily, for some reason I couldn't think of anything but the man in front of me. For a moment I thought he may become angry with me, but again his face showed no signs.

"Your face."

"I woke up late," I confessed, "I didn't get to my early morning shift on time."

"Venable?"

I nodded my head. "She split my lip. Ms Mead split my eyebrow."

"For what reasons?" He continued his interrogation but I was growing more and more tired so I cut the conversation short.

"If you don't mind Mr Langdon I'm extremely tired and I have another early morning shift tomorrow, I'd like to go to bed now please." I asked him but with no room in my voice for disagreement as I stood forward and reached for my door handle again.

His expression didn't change as he removed his hand from holding my door shut. He stood statue still and watched me slowly turn the handle to my room; his light blue eyes boring into my own as I continued looking at him while entering my room. I did an awkward side shuffle into my barely open door, holding it close so I could shut it quickly once Langdon had gone.

"Do you require something Mr Langdon?" I asked when he didn't leave to his own room. For some reason once I started speaking it jolted him out of his cold daze and his usual teasing smirk was back playing on his lips, but I could see in his eyes a fire was still burning; for what reason I didn't know.

"I wish to continue your interview."

"But Mr Langdon-"

"Yes dear?" He cut me off.

"We are going to get in trouble." I stated tilting my head to the side.

"Nonsense, as long as you're with me nothing will happen. I promise." The way he looked into my eyes made me think his words had a double meaning, but I just brushed it off as being tired.

"I need to change." I told him, going to turn around and walk into my room.

"You look perfectly presentable." He argued.

"I have dried blood down my dress."

"And it makes you smell delectable." He told me shamelessly, following me through the door and in my room when I went inside to change. I decided to ignore his strange blood comment.

"What is this?" He exclaimed as soon as he closed the door behind him and turned to look at the small space I occupied inside.

"I'm sorry?" I asked him mid-change, thrown off by the attitude in his voice. I was using the wardrobe door as a cover for my body while I changed.

"This isn't a room!" Langdon lost his cool, calm and collected demeanor for a moment before trying to regain it again.

"Well I was meant to tidy it earlier but I didn't get a break to do so, I didn't think it looked that bad." I whispered at the end, admittedly it wasn't the cleanest state the room could've been in but it certainly wasn't a dump.

"Come." Langdon beckoned me with his hand once I was done changing into an identical grey dress, but clean this time.

"Do I have to?" I resorted to whining.

"I will not ask a third time." He warned me, raising his eyebrows slightly and holding his hand out to where I was stood.

I sighed, "Very well."

Part 2

[ptergwen]

Hi val! Got a request, it's okay if you don't wanna write it, but can you write about peter telling the reader he's going on a huge mission and he's excited about it but the reader is so worried they end up arguing? But when peter gets back from mission all bruised, the reader is still upset but dresses his wound anyway and it ends up with fluff??

abort mission

w/c: 2.4k

warnings: mentions of blood, swearing, and angst

a/n: woah woah woah i ended up writing way more than i expected but i loved this request so much :,) i hope you do too

-

“we’re staying in this, like, super fancy castle while we’re there. it’s gonna be awesome,” peter rambles to you. he takes all the clean shirts in his drawer and throws them into a suitcase.

he’s packing for a mission in europe with the avengers, and you’re here to say goodbye. you’ve been pretty quiet while peter gives you as many details as he’s allowed to. it’s always an honor when the team invites him on. he gets so stoked about it. you’re happy he’s happy and gets to pursue his passion, but you’ve noticed a pattern.

every time peter leaves the country with earth’s mightiest heroes, he comes back in worse condition than the last. it seems like they protect everyone except peter. he’s oblivious to the fact that the end result is always his suffering. he’s just glad to be there. really, he gets nothing in return except scars that never heal, not even a permanent spot on the team. 

so, you’re not thrilled he agreed to go.

“plus, i get to miss two weeks of school.” peter beams, getting onto his knees to zip the suitcase. “feels like a vacation almost.” “you like school, though,” you remind him. you’re sat at the edge of his bed while you watch, rather than help. he hops up again with a shrug. “i like vacations more.” “it’s not a vacation,” you mutter to yourself, then speak up.

“how are you gonna catch up? that’s a lot of missing assignments.” with that same innocent smile, peter walks over to you. he grabs both your hands and laces your fingers together. “i’m a fast learner. besides, ned said he’d help me.” you sigh, looking down at the floor so you don’t have to look at peter. “or, you could. make it into a little study date when i get back,” he suggests while playing with your fingers.

“i don’t even want you to go,” you finally admit and meet his sparkling eyes. nothing could ever dull them. “why not? you’re gonna miss me?” peter teases, pressing a couple of kisses to your palm. “you don’t have to. i’m pretty sure france has wifi.” he wiggles his eyebrows. “oui oui, mademoiselle, eh?” despite yourself, you giggle at his french accent and tug on his hands. he sits down next to you with a chuckle.

“nat has been giving me lessons,” peter explains, you quirking an eyebrow. “she speaks french?” “she speaks a lot of languages, actually. she’s so cool.” peter scoots closer to you and sets his hands on your waist, his voice dropping. “you’d love her.” your face twists up in confusion at the idea.

you don’t have anything against the avengers, obviously. they’re good people. you’re just not the biggest fan of them at the moment, considering the circumstances they’ve put peter under.

“peter, i don’t want you to go,” you repeat more seriously than before. your teeth sink into your lower lip. “and, it’s not because i’ll miss you.” “none taken,” peter jokes, implying there should’ve been a no offense. he then realizes how distressed you look, so he cuts it out. “sorry, sorry. i’m done now. how come?”

you take his hand again and hold it tight. “what if you get hurt?” you ask in the nicest way possible, out of care. “i don’t wanna see you hurting, pete. this mission sounds really... dangerous.” he runs his thumb over the back of your hand, his grin faltering a bit. “it is, but i’m ready for it. i’ll be fine.”

you’re not convinced yet. that line he likes to overuse isn’t enough to do the trick.

his eyes searching for yours, peter brushes a piece of your hair back. “have a little faith in me, babe.” “no, i... i do. i have the most faith in you, peter.” you find yourself frowning as he twirls your locks around his finger. “that’s not the problem.” peter’s voice becomes a whisper. “what is it, then? talk to me.”

you do the opposite because you’re afraid you’ll upset him further, which is the last thing he needs right now. your silence prompts peter to fill it. “would it make you feel better if i say mr. stark is keeping an eye on me?” he’s smiling sheepishly, you scoffing. “oh, like he kept an eye on you in amsterdam?”

the only eye related activity that happened there was peter almost losing one of his. he’d come back with an eyepatch and couldn’t see out of it for over a month. to this day, there’s still a bit of blood in it when you look close enough.

“i already told you, that was my fault,” peter grumbles, turning so he faces forward. “i didn’t listen to him-“ “who gives a shit? he’s the one who put you in that situation!” you blurt out. you’ve been way too patient this whole time, and now you’re reaching your breaking point. “you say that like i didn’t wanna be there.” peter clenches his jaw, still mostly calm.

“either way, mr. stark,” you mock what peter always calls him, “was supposed to keep you safe, and he didn’t. i’m scared it’s gonna happen again.” letting out a noise close to a growl, peter stands up from the bed. “you’re not listening to me, y/n. everything was fine. i just-“ you’re not in the mood to hear him make excuses, so you interrupt.

“do you know any other sixteen year olds who fight literal terrorists on their free time?” you rhetorically ask and get to your own feet. peter tries to walk away from you, only you follow him. “you’re a kid, peter, in case you forgot.” he spins around to give you a nasty look. “do you know any other sixteen year olds who stick to fucking walls?”

your heart starts to race from his sudden outburst. he’s scary when he’s mad, and he almost never gets mad at you. all you can do is blink dumbly. “didn’t think so,” peter spits. “this is what i’m supposed to do, help people. is that so wrong?” his breathing becomes ragged as his anger grows.

“what about you? are you helping yourself?” you speak softly, expecting an answer this time. “you’re not my fucking therapist, y/n,” he deflects the question. “i am your girlfriend, though. i care about you so much, you know that.” eyebrows furrowed in concern, you reach out for peter. he takes a step back. it doesn’t take long for tears to cloud your vision.

“i was excited to share this with you, and i thought you’d be happy for me.” peter balls his hands into fists at his sides. his voice stays low. “instead, you made it all about yourself. you can never let me enjoy team stuff.” you’re speechless, peter nodding as he lets his words sit. “thanks for the support.”

“you’re an asshole,” you laugh out bitterly and wipe under your eyes.

he didn’t mean to make you cry. he was so caught up in himself, he didn’t realize you were.

peter’s whole demeanor changes. “y/n, baby...” he attempts to put a hand on your cheek, but you hit it away. “get off of me. what did i just say?” you sniffle, your tone harsh in contrast. “you’re an asshole, peter.” he changes his mind about feeling bad. you’ve berated him way more than he did you, anyway.

“you should go. i have to be up early,” peter decides, even though he’d said you could stay the night. whatever, you don’t want to anymore. “fine,” you agree shortly. “i’m leaving.” he stands there while you collect your things, shoving them into your bag. you’re going slow enough so he has a chance to stop you. he doesn’t.

you pass by him on your way to his door, sucking in a breath. here’s your official goodbye. “see you later, peter. don’t die.” “mhm, i won’t,” he replies, his tongue poking at his cheek. with one more shared look between you two, you make your grand exit, no doubt informing may of her nephew’s behavior before you’re gone.

peter immediately regrets the way he talked to you, and that you’re leaving things like this. you were only trying to protect him. you’ll never be able to save the city like he does, so this is how you do it. he truly is an asshole for not seeing that.

frustration consuming him, peter kicks over his fully stuffed suitcase, its contents spilling out. he grits his teeth.

“fan-fucking-tastic.”

-

you don’t talk to peter the whole two weeks he’s gone except for some are you alive and yes texts. he’d called you quite a few times, and was sent to voicemail for all of them. he gave you the benefit of the doubt because of timezones.

it was actually because you declined, which peter knew deep down was the real reason.

he’s coming home from his mission today. you’re not sure when or if he plans on dropping by. you’re not sure you’d like him to, either. you don’t really get a choice in the end.

there’s a series of knocks at your window, at some ungodly time in the night. you’re all too familiar with this routine. it’s peter.

you slip out from under your covers, a scowl already painting your face as you go to the window. surely enough, peter is perched in front of it, clad in red and black. the suit must be new because you’ve never seen it. you push up the window and step aside so he can get through.

“thanks,” peter mumbles, climbing into your room less gracefully than usual. he’s sort of wobbly when he lands. “yeah,” you dully acknowledge. “how was france?” “uh, good. you know, lots of cheese and all that.” his voice is muffled from his mask, since he hasn’t taken it off yet. that’s odd. “i was talking about the mission, but cool,” you almost laugh back.

“the mission was... fine,” peter clarifies and scratches the back of his neck. he never describes something as simply being ‘fine.’ when the boy talks, he lectures. you’re starting to get worried. “that’s good. at least you didn’t die, right?” you say to lighten the mood. peter awkwardly chuckles. “haha, yeah. thank god for that.”

you hum and walk over to sit on your bed, peter staying where he is. “what time did you get back?” you wonder, a completely harmless question. “um, this morning,” he says in response, raising your suspicions. “why’re you still in the suit, then?” you squint at him. “i like it, by the way.” “thanks, y/n/n. i, uh,” peter trails off, no good explanations coming to mind.

you’re quickly developing a hunch for what what down. you wordlessly get up again, meeting peter by your window. he’s nervous to see what happens next. peter’s shoulders slump when your fingers land on his mask. you carefully lift it, revealing his face to you. his banged up, bloody face.

“surprise.” peter musters up a grin, you tossing the mask at his chest. you’re beyond angry now. it’s not at him, athough it is at his injuries. “please don’t be mad,” he nearly begs, you shaking your head. you go to leave your room for some space. peter’s fingers wrap around your wrist, pulling you back. “i should’ve listened to you, okay? i’m sorry,” he genuinely apologizes.

you still don’t say anything while you look over his beaten body. there’s a gash with stitches in it on his chin, a deep slice across the bridge of his nose, cuts littering his cheeks. he’s even got a busted lip for good measure. this might be the worst condition he’s let you see him in.

“you were right, y/n. i think... i think i’m gonna sit the next one out. it’s too much for me, clearly,” peter continues, fingers sliding down to lock with yours. “you should say you told me so.” “how... how did this happen?” you manage to get out instead. “the bad guy fought me,” he says with the hint of a smirk. “i won, though.”

it’s a relief that he’s handling this so well, even earning a laugh from you. that puts you more at ease.

“this is probably a dumb question, but are you okay?” you brush your thumb over peter’s cheekbone gently, avoiding his scratches. “not really. my face hurts a lot, and flash is gonna tease the hell out of me on monday.” his lips form a line, arms looping around your waist. it’s very much welcomed by you.

“you just spent two weeks trying not to die, and you’re worried about flash?” you snicker and draw a heart on his skin. peter shrugs a shoulder. “he’s so mean to me.” he brings you in closer to him. “besides, this is the normal kid stuff i should be focusing on.” you’re glad he finally came to terms with that. you’ve been saying it for the longest time.

you smile wickedly at him. “exactly. so is all that homework you have to make up.” peter lets out a breathy laugh, you laying your head on his chest. “i missed you,” he tells you quietly. “really wish i could kiss you right now.” “i missed you too, pete. so much,” you murmur into him. your hands settle on his biceps. “and, i forgive you.” “thanks, baby,” peter exhales.

“of course. once your lips are healed,” you pull back from his chest, making a kissing noise. “pucker up, lover- oh my god.” you’re looking up at him with wild eyes. peter gets reasonably startled from it. “what? what’s wrong?” “you... you’re bleeding!” you point at his stitches. he winces, touching the spot. there’s blood, alright.

“crap. do you have a bandaid or something?” peter gives you an apologetic smile. “mr. stark said i should cover them when this happens.” maybe, tony isn’t so bad after all. you nod and take him by his hand. “yeah, in the bathroom. come with me.”

peter sits on the edge of your bathtub while you patch up his chin. he tells you more about the fun parts of his mission, you placing the cinderella bandaid over his gash. you have those from a while ago and also regular ones. however, he preferred the princess design.

“you saw the real mona lisa? like, in person? that’s insane.” you grin, smoothing down peter’s bandaid one last time. “yeah, she’s even prettier up close.” peter returns the smile. “thanks for taking care of me, y/n. i swear i don’t deserve you sometimes.” now pouting at him, you crouch down so you’re at his level. “it’s the other way around, peter.”

“let’s just agree to disagree,” he concludes and tucks a stray hair behind your ear. “i love you, okay?” “i love you, too.” you press a light kiss to his bandaid, getting a giggle from peter.

yeah, it’s going to be hell finding replacements for his lips.

[the1312daysofchristmas]

I LOVE SomeMoreNews. In high school in 2016-2018 I was very right wing/libertarian and I used to listen to Jordan Peterson, Dave Rubin, Blaire White, Paul Joseph Watson etc and idk I had an exacerbation of my mental health, I dated an incel and broke up with him (it’s a very long story I won’t bore you with), and then covid happened and I went to nursing school and I started questioning everything that I was told those few years. I mean I was young and impressionable and suppressing my sexuality and trying so hard to be a pick-me-girl which led me to be very angry and that’s how I think I ended up in that sphere of things. ANYWAY SomeMoreNews is very much to thank to bringing me to the left. During quarantine I watched EVERYTHING they put out and idk it really helped me realize where I was wrong. Plus it’s fucking funny and Cody’s delivery is amazing. Idk I just really love them.

Jordan Peterson for me was the one that was very hard to let go of because his self help stuff is… adequate, as Cody says, like it’s generic psychology stuff and like you should expect him to be adequate to even good at psychology since he has a PhD in the topic. It helped me during high school and I really took the book and his lectures to heart but I remember watching that clip that they put in the video where Jordan was hesitant to express support for gay marriage and idk… as a 16 year old girl questioning her sexuality who already didn’t have supportive parents it was so hard to hear from someone I looked up to but I swallowed it down and kept watching him and supporting him. Idk. It was very hard and painful during that time and as a leftist now I just feel healthier because I don’t have to constantly compromise my identity and I’m not as angry at myself for things I can’t control. Anyway. SomeMoreNews is amazing and the episode on jordan was 100/10. I recommend it to everybody now.

i am very very glad to hear that you feel healthier now. like thats the most important thing to me in this whole ask, that youre doing better. im glad some more news was a boon to you. im also glad you got something out of petersons self help, but im sorry you fell down the rabbithole of the rest of petersons whole deal, and im sorry you had to experience his weird conditional homophobia. ultimately, im happy youre healthier and happier now!

also smn is genuinely very funny. i love codys delivery of virtually everything, like hes so expressive in the dryest possible way. love to see what new and exciting ways cody k johnston says "Fair and Balanced™©®" i really liked the jordan peterson episode as evidenced by me finding the time to watch it twice in two days. then again maybe thats just my weirdo ritual of watching some more news episodes over and over ad infinitum. theyre very good at deconstructing the rhetorical tricks different grifters use, which is really helpful for learning how to combat them just generally. theyre not the only ones who do this but i like the way they go about doing so. its just easier for my brain to grab onto after a couple watches. after watching their jordan peterson video and hearing them dissect how dr lobster tries to sell himself as a man without ideology i felt like i had enough context to rewatch abby thorne of philosophy tubes video on jorbson b porbsons ideology. it helps that smn plays clips of what theyre talking about and then breaks them down i think?

obviously a throughline in a lot of right wing grifters rhetoric is that they start with their feeling and justify it with cherry picked 'facts', which helps me understand that conservatism is an ideology based on pathos, and that that is the front you should probably argue on if you want to change minds. seeing it deconstructed over and over again in different examples really makes it easier to identify. it really goes to show you that the best way to change someones mind isnt by playing their game but arguing on a completely different front.

i will say something i noticed is that they do a fair bit of "im inside your walls and can see you" type humor so if thats triggering for you id be mindful. its normally throwaway jokes so that may be better or worse for you.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

hi, i have a question and i hope it doesn't seem mean - i'm genuinely asking in good faith (i'm not religious, i just want to learn more abt christian ideas). i'm transgender but i've also suffered w/ chronic pain. the rhetoric of 'god doesn't make mistakes' is affirming for many trans christians but i cannot reconcile it w/ the other part - if he doesn't make mistakes, would god have put me in constant pain on purpose? how on earth could that god be construed as 'loving'? thanks for listening..

Hey, sorry for the delay in answering this! You ask a really important question.

...whoops this got super duper lengthy so TL;DR: If someone takes “God doesn’t make mistakes” to mean "I am not a mistake” / “no individual is a mistake” then it’s a fine phrase! But trying to extract meaning beyond that can get pretty icky pretty quickly, as it turns into “God doesn’t make mistakes & therefore anything that happens to you is God’s intent, even the bad stuff” — which is, as you note, not descriptive of a loving God.

Onto the loooooong answer now!

____________

“God doesn’t make mistakes” is one of those sayings that is so vague that it means vastly different things to different people. It can be used for hurt or harm based on how you interpret it.

For instance, there are trans people who see it as an affirming statement: 

“God doesn’t make mistakes, and God made me trans!” (i.e. “Experiencing gender in a trans way is natural/inherent to me, and God couldn’t have made me this way on accident bc God doesn’t make mistakes, so God must intend for me to be this way!”)

Yet at the same time, anti-trans Christians will use the same phrase to argue the exact opposite:

“God doesn’t make mistakes, which means God couldn’t have put someone in the wrong body” / “God made you female, so you have to live as female.” (i’m using that language because it’s what they use instead of ‘assigned female at birth’ etc. Obviously these folks have a lot to learn about gender & sex and the like but. that’s not what this current post’s about so i’ll just link this about “biological sex” and this about Genesis 1:27 read through an intersex + trans lens and move on.)

By the way, for an in-depth discussion on this phrase as used against trans folk and reclaimed by trans folk, see Austen Hartke’s short video here.

To any person who finds affirmation in the phrase “God doesn’t make mistakes,” more power to ya!

I’m really really glad you do; you are beloved by the God who made you. And you’re absolutely right that you are not a mistake — your transness (or whatever it is that makes you different in a way many humans use against you) doesn’t make you a mistake. 

Good fruit comes from understanding that we are not a mistake, that God fashioned us in a way that the world labels trans with intention. As Justin Tanis put it in his 2003 book Trans-gendered:

“Rather than seeing [being trans] as a medical problem to be corrected, a psychological incongruence between body and spirit, or even a quirk of societal organization, I look at my experiences of gender as the following of an invitation from God to participate in a new, whole, and healthy way of living in the world – a holy invitation to set out on a journey of transformation of body, mind, and spirit.”

But even so, it’s important to recognize that this phrase can be misused or overused.

For instance, the phrase totally falls apart when "God doesn't make mistakes" extends into "...and therefore, everything that happens must have been intended by God." 

That sounds way too much like the slogan "everything happens for a reason" for my comfort. It’s not something we learn from the Bible, and it’s really not a helpful thing to tell someone who is suffering!

I think that the suffering you have experienced in the form of chronic pain falls under that category:

Your pain is neither intended by God nor a mistake by God — it does not “come from” God at all.

God who is wholly Good is not the originator of bad; sin and suffering are corruptions of God’s Good creation.

Many Christian traditions, including my own, state that evil does not come from God; God does not make or will evil and suffering. ...Why God seems to “allow” evil and suffering is one of the biggest questions that theologians explore under the term “theodicy” —I’ve got a whole tag on that here.

Jesus tells us that he comes so that all people “might have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10:10) — not struggle to survive, not just get by, but flourish! I actually have a whole tag about what this kind of “abundant life” might look like, including this beautiful quote from Episcopal Bishop Michael Curry: 

"Jesus of Nazareth came to show us the way to live life in its fullness. Life as God intends. He said, I have come so that you might have life, and have it abundantly …. Life saturated with eternity. Life filled with dignity. Life lived with integrity. Life that not even the tyrannic power of death can take away from you. Jesus came to show us how to live. He came to show us how to live together. He came to show us how to become the human family of God. And that, my friends, is our hope and salvation."

Anything that impedes that kind of abundant life — from trauma and addiction to bigotry and systems that keep people in poverty — is something that Jesus came to liberate us from, on individual and collective levels (and Christians believe he invites us to participate in that ongoing liberation through our own words and deeds). 

I have not experienced chronic pain myself, but from friends and others whose stories I’ve heard, it sounds like it can definitely impede abundant life, both inherently and because of systemic factors: keeping you from sleeping or going places you want to go; leaving you feeling alienated when others react to your account of your own pain with discomfort, judgment, or disbelief, and on and on.

Honestly, when I think about chronic pain, the harmful responses I anticipate from many Christians are less about God not making mistakes and more along the lines of what a person “did” to “deserve” their suffering or what they’ve “failed” to do that it hasn’t gone away yet ( “If you just had faith / prayed enough, God would have healed you by now!”)

So while I know that goes beyond your own question, I’ll briefly discuss it.

There’s an incredible book on this topic called Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler. 

It’s her memoir about how chronic illness shattered her “prosperity” theology that says that if you are a good and faithful person, God will protect you from suffering and shower you in material rewards. First, Bowler’s arms just. stopped working for a while, and doctors couldn’t figure out why for ages (it finally turned out to be because of a congenital tissue disorder. Before this happened, she was used to being praised at her church because her prosperity -- great job, great husband -- made it “clear” that she must be super pious and stuff; people wanted her advice for how they could make that prosperity happen for them. After she started showing up to church with her arms in slings, people started reminding her to “keep praying” and suggested she must have committed some sort of sin to bring this misfortune upon herself. They stopped asking her for advice and their judgment was clear. Later, Bowler was diagnosed with stage four cancer. Prosperity theology her that this illness was a result of some faith failing on her part — that God had inflicted cancer upon her so that some lesson could be learned or repentance made. 

Her book explores her movement from that harmful crap to a faith in which God does not cause suffering — rather, God is present with us in our suffering.

(If you prefer podcasts to books, Kate Bowler also talks about a lot of this kind of stuff, with interviews from tons of cool people (mainly Christian I think, but also many non-Christians) on her podcast Everything Happens.) 

More Resources:

Welp, sorry that’s waaaaaay more info than you asked for haha. I’ll close with a couple more places people can go to find more information on these topics, and then I’ll finally be done!

I’ve got some tags & posts worth wandering through...

#pain 

#God with us

Some theodicy basics: why does God allow suffering to happen, if God’s all powerful and all loving and it’s not a punishment?

“God’s place in grief: not Her will, but Her own broken heart”

This post discusses natural disasters, pandemic, etc. & whether they’re sent by God 

My wife and I made a YouTube vid based around a very small example of suffering, which we use to ponder whether things going wrong is a sign God’s cursed us, is punishing us, etc.

You might enjoy learning more about disability theology!! I’ve got a #disability theology tag full of quotes from great books, links to my youtube vids on the topic, and other such stuff over on my other blog.

Thanks for asking this question, anon. I hope you find ways to help manage your chronic pain + plenty of support <3

[a-dragons-journal]

i dont "kin for fun" but through tiktok i found out about the whole kin for fun vs actual otherkin... situation ig? im having a really hard time taking it seriously... maybe im just burnt out and bitter from dealing with the worlds current events, and maybe its because on tiktok the only people i saw mad about it were white people, but you're the most reasonable person ive seen talking about it (a lot of other posts have this odd tone that 12 year olds on tiktok saying kin is the worlds greatest opression and it weirds me out) so ig my question is just... why exactly does this matter? why does it matter enough to post about and care about and not just ignore? /gen

Hey! I don’t blame you for being a bit weirded out by it, we’re a weird subculture and we’re well aware of it! xD I appreciate you taking the time to actually look into it past your first knee-jerk reaction, especially considering burnout and the state of things.

I’m not totally sure if you’re asking why otherkinity matters or why the “kin for fun” being wrong matters, so I’ll answer both - they’re pretty well tied together anyway.

The short version:

Otherkinity is an identity. It’s who we are, we can’t choose to pick it up or put it down, and it comes with struggles - though no, ‘kin are not systematically oppressed (though we are pretty badly bullied and, at this point, pushed out of our own words and spaces).

What people calling roleplay/relating to/projecting onto characters “kinning for fun” does is steal our words, make them meaningless, and in doing so, make it difficult or impossible for us to find each other. If someone says “I kin [x],” I no longer know whether they mean “I am [x] on an intrinsic level” or “haha I relate to this character a lot”. I no longer know whether they actually share my experiences or if they’re going to turn on me and call me “crazy” as soon as they realize I’m not exaggerating or joking or roleplaying. It’s done massive harm to the community as a whole because it’s become difficult to tell whether someone is actually ‘kin or if they’ve misunderstood the whole thing - and because antikin rhetoric, which I’m seeing more and more in KFF spaces, hurts far more when it’s coming from inside what you thought was a community space than when it’s coming from self-labeled “antikin.”

There are other words for roleplaying and relating to and projecting onto characters. Hell, there are words for strongly identifying with-but-not-as characters/things, though usually KFF people don’t even seem serious enough for those to fit in my experience. I’m really not sure why these people are so determined to steal and misuse our words, words that were specifically created to mean something else, when they already have their own and are just refusing to use them. (Or, hell, if you don’t feel like those fit, make your own. We did. It’s your turn to put in the work. (General you, not you-the-anon, of course.))

An analogy, if that still doesn’t quite land for you:

Consider, for a moment, the transgender community. I am aware this is a dangerous thing to say, but bear with me. Obvious CW for hypothetical transphobia up ahead is obvious.

Consider if you were part of the trans community (I don’t know if you are or not), having finally found a word to explain why you feel the way you do about yourself, why your experiences don’t seem to match up with those of everyone else around you. Having found a community, a home, full of other people like you, people you never would have met if not for words like “transgender” and “gender dysphoria/euphoria” that were created specifically to describe your experiences.

Now consider if people suddenly stumbled across your community for the first time who were not trans themselves. They see community jokes and lighthearted posts out of context, because Tumblr and Twitter aren’t exactly conducive to making sure people find the Transgender 101 information posts first. They don’t bother to do further research, assuming they understand: ah, these people like to crossdress! They like to pretend they’re a different gender! This seems like a fun hobby, I want in!

They begin to post things like this. They post photos of them crossdressing and caption them “hi, I’m [name], and I trans men!” and things of the like. Suddenly the concept of “transing for fun” seems to be everywhere - and it’s not at all what being trans actually is, but these people either don’t know or don’t care. When actual trans people try to politely correct them, they’re accused of “gatekeeping” - and to be clear, this is not “nonbinary people aren’t real,” it’s “transgender means you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, and you’re self-identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% and telling us this is just a fun hobby for you, therefore you’re not trans, you’re crossdressing or doing drag or being GNC. That’s fine, but it’s not being trans - you have other words to describe that, use those.”

(Yes, I am aware these things have a history with the trans community - please just ignore that for the sake of the analogy and bear with me on the slightly simplified version of this. “Kinning for fun” does not have that same history with the otherkin community.)

...And then the response to those attempted corrections, in some corners, turns into “wait, you ACTUALLY think you’re another gender? idk that sounds pretty unhealthy, maybe you should see a psychologist or something :\” and “you’re taking this too seriously.”

I imagine, in this hypothetical scenario, you’d also be pretty fuckin peeved.

(Obviously, in this hypothetical scenario, systematic transphobia would be an issue as well, which isn’t the case for otherkin - again, you’re gonna have to bear with me on the simplification for sake of analogy there.)

(EDIT: this is not an anti-MOGAI/exclusionist argument, this is “you’re literally telling me you don’t fit the definition,” explanation on that here)

The long version, which is probably still worth reading if you have the time and energy:

Otherkinity is... pretty core to who I am, who we as a group of individuals are. We live with being otherkin on a daily basis. Many of us spent a long time feeling different and disconnected and not understanding why until we found the otherkin community. Even people like me, who don’t share that experience and still had social connection - I’ve still had to live with weird differences that I had to learn to mask when necessary; instincts that don’t line up with human society well, feeling body parts that weren’t there and that no one else ever seemed to have, things that other kids grew out of because it was just make-believe for them and I... didn’t, because it was never make-believe for me to begin with. Oh, sure, I played make-believe too - I played warrior cats and house and all those things with the other kids, but there were things that weren’t play-pretend for me too. I didn’t have an explanation for it for a long time - it was just how I was, I was weird, and fortunately for me personally I was okay with that (many of those with species dysphoria or more trouble connecting with humans have more problems from that than I did).

And then I found the word “otherkin.” And suddenly everything fell into place, and I had an explanation for the things I’d been experiencing, and there were other people like me. Something I’d assumed didn’t exist. I found others who shared my unique experiences, who were talking about how to cope with the instinct to growl or snap jaws at people instead of expressing annoyance in a human way instead of just saying “that’s weird, don’t do that”, who were talking about dealing with phantom wings and tails, who understood me. I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t broken, I was exactly what one would expect from a dragon living in human skin. I found an explanation for myself. I found a home.

That is why otherkinity matters - it is who we are, it’s not something we can walk away from (certainly not most of us, anyway), and it’s something many of us need the support of the community to help deal with on a daily basis. Being a nonhuman in human society isn’t always easy, but it’s not something we can just magically stop being - it’s core to who we are, we (generally) didn’t choose to be this way, and we (generally) can’t choose to stop. Which is fine - the vast majority of us can cope with it just fine, with a little advice and help and space to be our authentic selves in. We found each other, we built this community from the ground up to make a space and words to make finding each other easier - or possible at all.

Thus we come to the second half of our story.

It was only a couple of years ago that the “kin for fun” trend started getting big. It had existed before that, of course, but it only started going mainstream two, maybe three years ago, from what I can tell. Suddenly people were treating “kin” like it meant relating to, projecting onto, roleplaying as, or just really really liking a character or thing - not being that thing, which is what it actually means. Not long after that, it became hard to tell whether someone saying “I kin this” meant they were that thing, that they were actually part of our community - or that they really really liked that thing and either didn’t know or couldn’t be bothered to learn that that wasn’t the case for us.

Not long after that, it became relatively commonplace to hear phrases like “otherkin are ruining kinning!!” and “you’re taking this too seriously” and “idk, if it’s that serious for you that sounds unhealthy. maybe you should get some help :\” (all directly quoted, or as exactly quoted as I can remember, from things KFF people have said to me or people I know).

It is a special kind of hell, I think, to be told “you’re taking this too seriously, that’s unhealthy” by people who are taking words created to describe your experiences, not theirs, and misusing them to mean something that you do for fun on a weekend instead of something that’s intrinsic to your being.

Perhaps more importantly, like I’ve said, it’s making it almost impossible to know whether someone who says “I kin [x]” is actually ‘kin or if they’re misusing our words to mean something else entirely. The entire point of words is to communicate ideas, and once you start misusing words to mean something totally different than what they actually mean, that communication falls apart and suddenly we might as well not have those words at all. Especially when the community is small enough and obscure enough that we’re starting to be outnumbered by the misinformation. We’re being run out of our own words, words we created to describe our experiences specifically - because we’re a small community that the wider internet can easily drown out by sheer numbers of people who either don’t know any better or don’t care to learn.

That’s the harm it does - the harm it is doing, right now. That’s why it’s important enough to post about. That’s why it matters - because we’re fighting desperately to hang onto our own words so that others like us can actually find us. Because we’re seeing young nonhumans go “this isn’t a kin, I actually am this” and screaming “No, I’m so sorry that this is what the misinformation has done to you, that’s exactly what otherkin means, you have a place here, please don’t let these non-’kin misusing our words drive you away from the very community you’re looking for and that you belong in.” Because we can’t even communicate effectively about our own experiences anymore except in semi-closed spaces like Discord servers and forums (and the number of Discord servers overrun with KFF people is absurd).

......This got very long. Hopefully it at least explained why it matters so much to me and others a bit better ^^; Thanks for hearing me out, and thank you again for looking into this beyond your initial knee-jerk reaction - I really do appreciate it.

(For further reading, if that text wall didn’t blow you out of the water completely, I recommend my “kin for fun” tag, which has more posts like this in both short and long form.)

[aftonfamilyvalues]

Hey if you’re comfortable giving advice, I’d like to ask something. I’m a relatively big radfem blog (though I obviously don’t want to say who lol) and I’m considering deactivating. I’m just…tired of all the violent rhetoric against “terfs” and I think it’s starting to affect my mental health a little. I also am genuinely afraid of getting doxxed or having this blog follow me to other websites. The thing is, though, I’d really, really miss the community. :( Thoughts?

all valid concerns. it is draining, there is so much hate for us. even with just the posts going around today, a korean woman, not even a radfem or terf or transphobic at all, is being doxxed for blocking a transwoman for sexually harassing her. everything is twisted against her even though she did absolutely nothing wrong. or ive seen people with gender identities point out facts about stone wall or some historical trans figure or ask a valid question, but because the community doesnt like the truth or doesnt have a pretty answer, theyre vilified as well and accused of being a terf.

mentally, it weighs. i used to have nightmares where people found out about my thought crime blog and completely ruined my life about it so i do understand completely. i guess thats why i try to keep things lighthearted now, for me it lessens the weight. i dont have those dreams anymore. i do find myself being very careful still though about what information i put up and make sure i dont do anything that stands out too much despite the unlikelyhood any of them would ever see this. internet is a big place after all.

i guess for me, it was never really an option to leave. i wanted to scream and shout being alone in all this. this community really is a relief to me, i have no one else who understands in person. sure, i sprinkle in some things here and there, no one thinks anything of me saying i dont understand this or that or im against abc because xyz.

all in all, its your choice. youre under no obligation to continue running a blog that causes you more harm than good. im sure almost all of us have been there and we wont judge you needing to take your leave for your own wellness. we just want you to make the best decision for yourself.

[let-them-read-fics]

Empress of the Heart (Pt. 2)

Synopsis / Request: “Reader is an actress, and she meets Jennie at an event. They have a one night stand afterward, and months later they meet again.”

Pairing: Jennie x Fem!Actress!Reader

Warnings / Misc: Smut (only in Pt. 1), Angst, Fluff

Here’s the second half of the request for you lovely peeps! Enjoy :)

Part 1

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

◇◇◇◇◇

"Y/N, more people are arriving and management wants us to greet them. Something about photo ops." Jackson, your fellow lead, says as he pokes his head into your dressing room. His entrance intruded on your thoughts of the beautiful brunette that effectively stole your heart away within a night, leaving you completely at her mercy despite being worlds away.  

"Alright, just give me a second." He nods and goes to stand outside your door -- you're expected to be seen together for a good portion of the night. Thankfully, though, Jackson is a good guy; he cares a lot about you, always doing everything in his power to keep you happy. The feeling is mutual; it's nice to have someone in your corner in an industry as unforgiving as this one. 

"Ready?" You ask, opening the door after you've checked yourself in the mirror and smoothed down any unruly hairs or clothing. Looking presentable is a must tonight -- you can't appear as wistful as you've been feeling lately. 

"Sure am." His answer is a bit unnecessary, seeing as how you asked a rhetorical question, but you send him a smile nonetheless. He offers you an arm, and soon the two of you are walking back towards the entrance of the building. 

--------

Waves of flashing cameras greet you for the second time tonight, now capturing you in your full glammed-out look. The first time had been a few hours ago when your team arrived to begin setting up and get all of you ready. 

The entire cast now stands stretched out in front of the large screen that will air the movie later, your arms around each other as you smile for the cameras. Promotional pictures shine behind you on the screen, serving as a perfect backdrop as they cycle through their predetermined slideshow.

Eventually, you all disperse to greet some guests. 

"Thank you for coming, Mr. Choi. It's wonderful seeing you again." 

"I hope you enjoy our performances, Mrs. Lee. Your support has meant the world to us." 

"Ah, Jeong! How've you been?" 

Countless faces pass by as you work hard to greet everyone, knowing full well your company will be upset if you slack off now. It's everyone's big night, so they obviously can't have their leading lady stopping for even a minute. 

You're almost ready to run to the restroom in order to have a moment to yourself, free of prying eyes and judgemental stares; but what you hear next sends a chill down your spine, an all too familiar ache in your chest. 

It's Jennie. She's laughing that wonderful laugh of hers, taking you back in time to when you first heard it. Her members must've said something really hilarious, because all of them are doubled over, clutching their stomachs with laughter. 

"Hey again," Jackson greets, and for a second you almost want to tell him to leave you alone. You don't, though, knowing you have no right to pull something like that. 

"YG's girl group just got here. Do you want to say hello?" Of course you do. You want to run into Jennie's arms and spin her around, reveling in the way her arms would surely wrap around you in that warm embrace that's so uniquely hers. You want to tell her a stupid joke to make her laugh again, like she had just a few moments ago. You want to talk to her. 

But you don't.

"No, not right now. I'm going to visit with my family, if that's alright with you." 

"Sure, sure." He says considerately, unwrapping his arm from you. You press a friendly kiss to his cheek as a thank you, letting it serve as a goodbye as well. 

"Eomma!" You shout, squeezing through the crowd when you spot her at one of the banquet tables lining the front of the room. The rest of the space is filled with rows of chairs, already set out for when the movie premieres. 

"Ah, baby girl. We're so proud of you." She says, holding you in a tight embrace as tears spill from her eyes. Her arms bring you comfort like no other, and you're beyond grateful to have her here tonight. Some of your friends stand behind her, too, waiting for their turn to say hello. 

Jennie watches you interact with them from across the room, and she feels a pang of sadness run through her. She's not naive to how these things work: your other cast mates had come over to greet her and girls, snapping pictures and even starting meaningful conversations in some cases -- all of that meaning you had been given the opportunity to do the same, but turned it down. Do you not want to see her? Maybe she had misjudged your night together. You are an actress, after all. 

She shakes her head, physically willing the thoughts to go away as she turns her focus to whatever new person was talking to them now. She continues stealing glances in your direction, finding you looking somewhere else every time. She'd give just about anything to have you look at her, if only for a moment. Just a glance, she thinks to herself, praying the universe hears her pleas. They seem to fall on deaf ears, though, because before she knows it the MC is calling all of you onto stage and the guests are directed to their seats. 

"Let's welcome the cast of Empress of the Heart!" The MC says cheerily, tucking his notecard underneath his arm in order to clap along with the audience. "They've spent months working hard for this project, travelling to filming locations in different countries, learning new languages, and facing their fears. We hope all of you thoroughly enjoy their performances. Now, I'll hand it over to our leads." 

You and Jackson bow towards the audience, waving at them politely as they applaud you again. He looks at you, a silent question of if you want to speak first, and you nod. Taking the mic from him, you say, "Firstly, I'd like to thank our incredible cast and crew. They played just as important a role in this movie as Jackson and I, and we're endlessly grateful for their hard work." More cheers ring out at your kind hearted show of appreciation, and you speak up again once they've died down. 

"These past few months have been some of the best of my life, and I owe that to people like you, and my fans. Thank you for taking a chance on me and supporting me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you." You say sincerely, looking into the camera that's recording all of this for exclusive content. When the movie drops for the public in a couple weeks, they'll be able to buy this tape as well and see highlights from the premiere. The thought of your fans watching it from the comfort of their own homes, yelling praises at their screens, makes you smile. 

Jackson takes over now, smoothly transitioning into his own mini speech of thanks. You stop your eyes from meeting the one pair that they so desperately want to, always keeping them trained on other parts of the crowd. If you allow your resolve to crumble, you'll get lost in her all over again and potentially screw up one of the biggest nights of your life. You can't take a risk like that. 

You laugh at something Jackson says, some joke about how you had to face your fear of heights for a scene in the movie, and Jennie takes a deep breath. She's not exactly jealous, but yet that's precisely the feeling that creeps its way into her chest. She knows that you're avoiding her for some reason, but she has no idea why. Did she do something wrong? 

--------

Why, why, did they have to sit Blackpink in the row right behind you? It's karmic, the universe's way of pushing you back to each other, but you don't know how to feel about it all. You can feel her eyes boring into you as each new scene plays, silently begging for you to turn around and talk to her, even if it's impolite to do so in the middle of a movie.

You don't, though, fighting every fiber of your being to keep yourself from giving in. 

Despite the emotions that swirl within her that pay little mind to the number they're doing on her heart, she actually finds herself enjoying parts of the movie. It's bittersweet, seeing you up there, but you command the screen in a way that seems to steal all coherent thoughts from her brain. You're truly skilled, and she gets a kick out of watching you hide behind your hands in embarrassment when your co-stars offer whispered praises.

During one scene in particular, though, Jennie's eyes drop to the floor, her teeth clenched together tightly. Your character just saved Jackson's from certain doom, and the two of you are sharing a long-overdue kiss. The rest of the crowd lets out approving noises at this, but Jennie is comforted by her members' soft smiles and reassuring touches. You feel guilty, for some reason, knowing that anything you were a part of made Jennie so upset. It shouldn't matter, though -- I mean, it's not like you and Jackson are actually together -- but still, it hurts Jennie to see him kiss you and hold you in the ways she wants to. 

The rest of the night carries on much the same, but later on, once you get enough courage to look for Jennie, she's gone. The other girls are too, and a sinking feeling settles in your chest. Gone -- again -- just like all that time ago. Your reasons for staying away from her were legitimate, but they felt nothing of the sort as you glanced around the crowd again. 

The movie ended earlier, already getting good marks and reviews from the critics who came to view it, and now the "afterparty" of sorts was kicking in. You hadn't expected the girls to stay long after the movie, but you'd at least hoped to utter a word to them, if nothing else. A smile would've sufficed. 

Realizing she's really gone, you let out a sad sigh and make your way down the hall, towards the large doors that lead to the balcony. If anything can clear your mind right now, surely it's a chilly breeze. 

You lay an arm against the sturdy railing, leaning on it as you massage your neck. All of the stress you've been put under is showing in the form of painful knots, far too many to get rid of in one go. You sigh, letting your head lull forward and lay against your arm.

"And here I was thinking I wouldn't see you again."

At the utterance, you turn around to find her leaned up against the stone wall of the building with a playful smirk on her lips. She's back to her old self in an instant, but you can sense the undertones of nervousness in her voice. 

The darkness of the night that envelops you two makes her eyes look even more feline -- even more alluring -- and it takes everything in you not to lose your train of thought. 

"Jennie." Her name comes out as a pleased declaration more than anything else, a familiar flutter taking over your heart at the sight of her. It's a warm feeling in your chest, and you never want it to go away. 

You try not to focus on the sensual swaying of her hips or the teasing look in her eye as she pushes herself away from the wall to approach you. 

"I thought you left." You breathe out, remembering how sad you were earlier. 

"Without getting you alone first? How could I?" The implication behind her words gives you pause, causing a blush to begin forming on your cheeks. You curse yourself for being so easy.

"I've missed you like crazy," she confesses, allowing herself to be vulnerable again. Now in front of you, she brushes the back of her fingertips against your cheek as you look into her eyes. 

"I've missed you, too -- more, probably," you say, the declaration sounding like an embarrassed sigh as it leaves your lips. She smiles at that -- her genuine, gummy smile that you've missed so much -- and your heart flutters again. 

She debates on asking the question that sits on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be answered. "Why didn't you greet me before, at the party?" Her voice is small now, insecure, as she avoids your gaze and stills her movements. 

"I-..." you start, finding yourself at a loss for words. Should you tell her how you feel?

"I was afraid you'd throw me off my game. You're pretty distracting, you know?" You reply, nudging her shoulder playfully. A hint of a smile tugs at her cheeks, unsure if it should finish the job and turn into a big one. 

"I thought I did something wrong." She informs.

"Not at all. In fact, you did things a little too right, if you ask me. I can't stay away from you, Jennie." Her heart trips and stumbles over itself in its pursuit of gaining a steady rhythm again, thrown off course by your words. 

Growing brave, she suggests, "Go on a date with me, then. I wanna have more nights like that with you." She whispers that last part, ghosting her fingertips over your skin to awaken the memories. 

"I'd like that," you smile, leaning in to kiss her lips. It's soft and gentle, much like your first one, and your heart hammers in your chest. It seems to forget that you've done this before, choosing instead to subject you to the giddiness you felt that first time with her. 

She pulls back to rest her forehead against yours, settling her arms around your waist, saying, "I've wanted to do that all night." You smile for the millionth time because of her, happy with how things have turned out.

"Do it again, then." 

And she does. 

[papipopsicle]

SHY AWAY PART FIVE

Pairing: Bucky Banes X Reader

Summary: In which an imitation Captain America leads to Y/N leaving her holiday early and coming back to the field. Stuck between her only two friends, she's forced to reveal a secret she'd kept even from herself.

Song: Rain by Grandson

Warnings: swearing, small amount of John Walker (if he's in here, he's a warning)

Words: 1.4K

A/N- "Doar spune când, James, am sã-l gut ca un porc." Translates to "Just say when, James, I'll gut him like a pig." in Romanian.

MASTERLIST

feedback is always appreciated

"And if he was wrong about you, then he was wrong about me." The words ricocheted through Y/N's mind as Walker tried his hardest to coerce the trio into helping him. The brunette woman didn't care for his manipulative tactics, unable to focus on anything other than Bucky's dejected tone and melancholy visage.

He couldn't be more wrong, and she wished with everything in her conscious being that he could view himself through her eyes even for just a moment. They may be ever so slightly rose tinted, she admitted to herself, knowing she held her friends to a higher standard than most people. But she had good reason to.

"James Buchanan Barnes." Y/N mumbled the name, finding an instant affinity to the way it sounded in her hushed voice. She sat atop Steve's bed, two months had passed since Hydra and Shield both fell, the two free agents for the first time in three years. The file Natasha had given him lay flat across her lap, ogling at second photo attached, "That Sargent uniform... there is nothing I wouldn't let him do to me while wearing that."

Steve leant against his doorframe, entertained by his friend's enthralment, "And in his Winter Solider gear, and when you saw him pulling me out of the Potomac. I'm starting to think it's not just the outfits, honey."

A small part of her brain accepted in the hierarchy of humans in her life, Bucky was at the top. Y/N tried to convince herself he was equal with and just as platonic as Sam. Prior to 'The Blip', she was so head-sure when it came to that - but now her head swam with his voice and drowned a happy death in his scent.

"A word of advice then, stay the hell out of my way." John's strident voice pulled Y/N from her thoughts. Sam's hand lay on the small of her back, guiding her away from the imitation Captain. She felt like slicing open his neck right then and there, he didn't deserve the shield even for a minute. He could keep the stupid outfit, but the shield meant something to her, to most people.

"Doar spune când, James, am sã-l gut ca un porc." Y/N growled, shaking away her anger as the three walked in the opposite direction to John and his companion.

The air was quiet for a few minutes, maybe even ten. Y/N looked for the nearest hotel, finding an appropriate one and guiding the boys down these unfamiliar streets. Only a quiet 'this way' or 'next turn' came from her, seeming so unnaturally ordinary like an exploring tourist. Sam gave Bucky a once over, checking on his friend, finding his gaze firmly attached to the woman two steps ahead of them.

They may not be the closest kind of friends, but Sam could read the super soldier with ease. He smirked, choosing once again not to mention his findings, especially after the fragility of his self worth shone through the therapy session.

"So, what are you thinking?" Sam asked smoothly.

Bucky observed his surroundings before speaking, alert of all the pedestrians around him, "Well, I know what we have to do. When Isaiah said 'my people'..."

"Oh, don't take that to heart." Sam comforts him, his usual calm nature alleviating any awkwardness left from the station, "That's not what he meant."

"No, he meant Hydra. Hydra used to be my people, they were when he and I met." Bucky said lowly.

Sam let out a large sigh after a moment, piquing Y/N's attention, "Not a chance."

"Walker doesn't have any leads..." Bucky trails off, and Y/N covertly slowed her steps to fall back in line with the two men. She wracked her tired brain, piecing together the conversation she hadn't cared for, until a horrible conclusion struck her.

"I swear to all the gods out there," Y/N began in a hushed voice, her tone not playful like usual, "if you want to see Helmut, ask him to cooperate and help us on this, I am absolutely on board."

Both men scrunched their faces at her change of tune, knowing to be even more wary than when her voice sounded serious. She turned to face them, stopping their journey to the hotel to address the two properly.

"He knows all of Hydra's secrets." Bucky aims his words at Sam, "Don't you remember Siberia?"

The question was obviously rhetorical, but Y/N remembered it far too well. The event that fractured her only ever family. Being who she was, the accords were never going to fly, but the aftermath they lead to was catastrophic. She went on the run with Steve and Sam, finding ways every now and again to slip away for weeks at a time to visit Bucky.

"So you're just gonna go sit in a room with this guy?" Sam asks blatantly doubtful.

Bucky eyes both of his friends warily, "Yes."

"I'm sorry, how are you so okay with this?" Sam directs at Y/N, who had already began walking in the direction her map lead to. She assumed the conversation was over, not feeling the need to explain herself.

Y/N doesn't stop her ambling towards the hotel, now only a few minutes away. The boys surely follow after her, "It's pretty simple Sammy, I'd rather have someone I hate twelve percent less help us make things right before John even has a chance."

"Twelve percent?" Bucky queries, both him and Sam quickening their paces to catch up with her.

"Yeah," She threw a grin over her shoulder at them, "obviously an estimate. But, if I actualised my hatred at this current time, Helmut is at steady seventy five percent, while John is presently at eighty seven percent."

The two men nodded at her theory, silence settling over the group as they walked the final few minutes to the hotel. It was a small independent Bed and Breakfast with a black illuminated sign reading 'Sutton's B&B'.

"Three rooms please, whatever you have will do we aren't picky." Sam asked the tired elder lady at the front desk, flashing his pearly whites for extra charisma. Y/N found out a long time ago that her presence often frightened most women, she didn't have much experience when it came to charming them, that was Sam's area of expertise.

Bucky stood beside Y/N as Sam spoke with the front desk lady, his body nearly falling slack as the brunette woman leaned her weight against him. He steadied himself, wrapping his right arm around her figure- he had no reason to, other than he felt like it. They didn't shift away from each other when Sam turned back with a key each for them.

"I've been real nice and given Bucky the double, because I doubt he'd fit in a single bed. Y/N and I are sharing a twin single." Sam quietly said, feeling himself betting closer and closer to asking what was his friends deal.

He wanted a couple more days to clear the air before questioning the two, and maybe by then they'd have a straight answer for him rather than them both denying it.

"Night, James, message me if you need anything." Y/N implored in a hushed tone as the trio reached the super soldier's room for the night. She squeezed his side tightly and a small kiss landed on her forehead as they parted.

Bucky unlocked his door, smiling at his two friends, "Goodnight."

The old door clicked behind him, and Sam tugged along the sleepy ex assassin "Come on, you need to sleep if you want to destroy John Walker."

"Sammy?" Y/N asked with a small yawn, eyes attempting to find their room.

He pointed at a door a few steps away, locating their number, "Yeah?"

"You always know just what to say." She hummed, using her key and immediately flopping down on the small bed with a thud.

part six?

taglist:

@captainwans @fair-childd @emily500 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @rivers-rambles21

wanna be tagged? please comment or send in an ask :)

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

hi! i really like your posts and recently i came across some anti kataang arguments and i would like to see your opinion on that (if you want to answer because you must be very tired of answering those lol)

“i remember perfectly aang forcing himself into katara. not only once, but a lot of times. in that talk they were having during the play it was one of the moments aang was intrusive”

“i saw people saying that katara was jealous of aang with that kids in kyoshi island, which she obviously was not. she was annoyed at them”

“kataang had no development. it feels like a ship made out of nowhere”

“aang is completely obsessed with the idea of katara being his. proof is that episode were the guru tells him he has to let go of her and he choses to break the connection. it’s like: look what i did for you, you should stay with me. aang learning to let go would have been a evolution for his character”

“making them stay together in the end just because aang is the protagonist and has to stay with the girl is boring and adds nothing to the plot”

“he spend years after a girl that never felt the same for him”

hi anon! im very flattered you like my posts 🥰💛 and you’re not wrong that sometimes it gets a lil tiring addressing anti kataang arguments, but that’s because 90% of them are the same foolish rhetoric dressed up in a different costume, lol. i finally have some free time, so i’ll take a stab at these for you!

“i remember perfectly aang forcing himself into katara. not only once, but a lot of times. in that talk they were having during the play it was one of the moments aang was intrusive”

not gonna lie, this particular “argument” made me crack up laughing because they “remember perfectly… lots of times” but can only name one instance 😂 like i am on the floor, because trying to get away with that in a formal essay would earn them nothing more than a goose egg. you need evidence to support a claim, which this “claim” has none of. i mean,, when does aang force himself onto katara?? when katara initiates every cheek kiss they share?? when they are mutual participants in several shared hugs?? don’t get me started on DOBS - the Now or Never Kiss that falls under literally requires reciprocation from both parties, lol. but regarding the ever-so-infamous EIP episode they bring up:

This post talks specifically about EIP and the play’s portrayal of Aang and Katara (and how it cannot be used to define their relationship). This post explains the true source of Katara’s conflict in turning down Aang (i.e. the war itself and the risks the war presents for both of them) and why the EIP kiss did not “ruin” Kataang’s relationship. This post explains how the EIP kiss was resolved through narrative parallels. This post explains how the EIP kiss is so often blown out of proportion. This post explains how Aang did not “threaten” Katara in EIP (with some excellent commentary in the notes, too).

the fact of the matter is that yes, aang overstepped a boundary with katara there. no one has ever contested that because to do so would be to disregard canon, and here’s the thing about kataang shippers: we love atla canon. it gave us everything we wanted and more. (imo, that’s what anti kataangers don’t understand.) the EIP episode can be interpreted as a “low point” for many reasons, but the primary “takeaway” is that the play performed was imperialist propaganda that preyed on the gaang’s insecurities and demeaned them (much to the pleasure of the Fire Nation audience), which had negative consequences, one of which was aang kissing katara largely out of desperation. no one has ever excused that! thus, what i think isn’t clicking with anti kataangers is that aang and katara’s miscommunication in EIP is not a representation of their relationship being doomed to fail. aang made a mistake and immediately backed off without question or hesitation. katara has time to make her own decision and chooses to forgive him. doesn’t it strip more of katara’s agency away to conclude that katara could never ever ever forgive her best friend for a single mistake that - comparatively - could have been a whole lot worse?

(im just saying.)

“i saw people saying that katara was jealous of aang with that kids in kyoshi island, which she obviously was not. she was annoyed at them”

honestly, i have a question for whoever came up with this jfksjdasks. okay, yes, she was annoyed. that’s a given based on her exasperated eye rolls and sighs. but why was katara annoyed with them, hmm?

here’s my thing about katara’s feelings in this ep: jealousy and annoyance are not inherently the same, it’s true. a person can be annoyed without being jealous (obviously). as such, there are essentially two possible interpretations that have validity, although one in my opinion has greater weight in canon:

1. yes, it is possible to interpret katara’s annoyance that episode as being solely related to their delays on kyoshi island. one can reasonably argue that katara’s romantic feelings for aang were not as strong so early in the series (it’s only episode 4, after all, although lbr - she was Looking at aang’s tattoos in episode 1 lmao), and therefore the primary reason she was annoyed at the fangirls is because they were one of the causes extending their stay on the island when katara felt they needed to leave. it’s a fair interpretation.

2. a different and stronger interpretation, in my opinion, is that katara’s irritation was a product of both annoyance at their extended stay and jealousy of the fangirls’ obsession with aang. because here’s the thing about jealousy: it doesn’t have to be some extreme, exaggerated emotion/reaction! when katara gets jealous of on ji in book 3, she makes a single comment about aang and on ji dancing together. when aang gets jealous of jet in book 2 (because of sokka’s teasing), he, too, makes a single comment (i.e. that it would be a bad idea for katara to kiss jet). i bring these two moments up because they explicitly demonstrate within atla canon that reactions of jealousy do not have to be dramatique and outrageous, à la zuko throwing ruon-jian across the room in book 3, lmao. jealousy can be simple! kept to oneself! as such, katara’s disgruntled manner in that episode - which, might i add, is largely if not only shown in reaction to aang with the fangirls - can certainly be interpreted as a quieter form of jealousy akin to several other moments within canon.

more than that, however, if the writers did not at all want jealousy to be an interpretation on the table… why on earth would they have bothered to mention jealousy as a possibility? here’s the relevant excerpt from the episode transcript:

Koko: [Stomps her foot in annoyance and puts her hands on her hips, while another girl happily waves at Aang; irritated.] What’s taking you so long, Aangy?

Cut back to Aang and Katara; the former enthusiastically waves back at his awaiting fangirls, while the latter raises an eyebrow at the scene.

Katara: [Slightly mocking.] Aangy…

Aang: [Enthusiastically.] Just a second, Koko!

Katara: [Sarcastic.] “Simple monk,” huh? [Annoyed.] I thought you promised me that this Avatar stuff wouldn’t go to your head.

Aang: It didn’t. You know what I think? You just don’t want to come because you’re jealous.

Katara: [Close-up; angrily.] Jealous? [More high pitched voice.] Of what?

Cut to a broader shot. Aang moves back slightly, when an irritated Katara resumes to ferociously stuff the basket with more fruits.

Aang: Jealous that we’re having so much fun without you.

Katara: [Irritated.] That’s ridiculous.

(sidebar, but can i just say that seeing “ferociously stuff” to describe putting fruits away is arguably the funniest thing i’ve ever read sjkdhsjalks)

to me, this excerpt alone all but proves katara’s irritation is a mixture of annoyance at the girls’ (and aang’s) behavior/their delayed departure and jealousy regarding how the fangirls’ fawn over aang. katara clearly demonstrates frustration at aang’s seeming lack of concern for their time crunch and how he’s letting his status get to his head (and remember, y’all: this is very early book 1 aang, he’s barely begun to truly reconcile what it means to be the avatar and the last airbender, which is understandable and a-okay! can’t have growth if he doesn’t start somewhere!). that checks out. but next thing you know, katara’s reaction proceeds to dramatically heighten when aang teases the idea of jealousy to her. again: why include this moment if jealousy was never on the table whatsoever as an interpretation for her feelings of irritation? why make katara’s response intensify so strongly if she’s not jealous even a little bit?

in sum, while i don’t think katara’s aggravation is solely fueled by jealousy, the episode itself points to jealousy as at least a part of it. simple!

“kataang had no development. it feels like a ship made out of nowhere”

this take screams willful ignorance, like did they even watch the whole show?? it’s not worth addressing over and over, ngl.

This post and this post explain how Katara’s feelings for Aang develop throughout the series. This post explains how Aang consistently supported Katara throughout the series. This post demonstrates how Kataang is literally ingrained in every episode.

“aang is completely obsessed with the idea of katara being his. proof is that episode were [sic] the guru tells him he has to let go of her and he choses [sic] to break the connection. it’s like: look what i did for you, you should stay with me. aang learning to let go would have been a evolution for his character”

“completely obsessed” h e l p i weep for the lack of brain cells 😭 it is so hard to just say “kataang isn’t my cup of tea” and go?? seriously?? i thought we were past making stuff up to support shipping agendas. lord help us. real quick:

This post explains how Aang never acted like he was “entitled” to Katara’s affections. This post explains how Katara and Aang do not “idolize” each other. This post and this post talk about Aang’s chakra being blocked and unblocked, and how it had to do with fear, not attachment. This post talks about Aang and the Avatar State, explicitly discussing “The Crossroads of Destiny” and the notion of attachment/letting Katara go.

okay, let’s take this claim one sentence at a time:

“the guru tells him [aang] he has to let go of her [katara] and he choses [sic] to break the connection.”

first of all. FIRST OF ALL. can you imagine the hellfire that would have rained down if aang hadn’t chosen to go rescue katara? here is a piece of the episode transcript:

… Right before he is able to completely open the final chakra and master the Avatar State, however, he hears a shriek from Katara and sees a vision of her in chains. At this, he jumps out of the energy sphere and runs away from the Avatar Spirit. The energy bridge that leads him there slowly vanishes behind him until it catches up and falls from underneath him, causing his image to plummet toward Earth. This cuts his connection to the Avatar State, which forces him back to reality.

Aang: Katara’s in danger! I have to go! [Prepares to exit.]

Pathik: No, Aang! By choosing attachment, you have locked the chakra! If you leave now, you won’t be able to go into the Avatar State at all!

Aang hesitates but leaves anyway, leaving Pathik concerned and disappointed.

aang chose to leave because katara was in danger. if he had chosen to stay,, dear god. the vitriol that would have been thrown around. “aang doesn’t really love katara! he chose not to save her!” “aang is so selfish and greedy! he chose power over love!” it’s literally a catch-22. damned if he does leave, damned if he doesn’t leave. #fandomlogic

anyways, yes, sure, aang chose to leave, which at the time broke the connection. he was indeed in avatar state limbo for a Hot Minute. whoop de do.

“it’s like: look what i did for you, you should stay with me.”

logical fallacy: ad hominem, hasty generalization, ∴ not worth our time 💛

“aang learning to let go would have been a [sic] evolution for his character”

i have amazing news for those who perpetuate this take. aang did let her go! he would not have been able to enter the avatar state in COD if he hadn’t! point blank, it is utterly untrue to pretend aang did not “let go” of his attachment to katara. now, im not going to get into the concept of “attachment” here and what it truly meant for aang to have “let katara go” in the book 2 finale (if it was good, bad, etc. etc.). there is a lot of material to work with there that would require like,, an entire post to dig into, if not more. the fact of the matter is that aang did let katara go, and the proof is that he successfully entered the avatar state before azula killed him. the above claim thus sits in complete contradiction to canon and is a moot point.

“making them stay together in the end just because aang is the protagonist and has to stay with the girl is boring and adds nothing to the plot”

“making them stay together” again, is it so hard for someone to just say “kataang isn’t my thing, im gonna stick to fanon pairings, but y’all have fun” i mean that really, really does not seem so difficult to me! also, “making” is a hilarious word to use just because,, atla is a work of fiction. in that respect, the writers “made” everything happen. you cannot escape their sphere of control.

anyways. that’s just funny to me lmao

but no, aang and katara did not get together in a romantic fashion just because aang was the lead male protagonist and katara was the lead female protagonist. i refer back to these posts from earlier:

This post and this post explain how Katara’s feelings for Aang develop throughout the series. This post explains how Aang consistently supported Katara throughout the series. This post demonstrates how Kataang is literally ingrained in every episode.

aang and katara got together because their relationship had been developed since episode 1, duh. reducing their relationship to “lead guy + lead girl” completely disregards the legwork done and the foundation laid for their romantic partnership. like, all someone has to do is rewatch the show 😂 and i hate to break it to whoever created that take, but to say kataang “adds nothing to the plot” again ignores how their relationship is one of the two most important in the show (the other being aang and zuko’s relationship as narrative foils). it is not a cheap coincidence that kataang embodies multiple complementary themes/motifs of atla: push and pull, yin and yang, air and water, oma and shu, etc. etc. their relationship adds emotional depth! how is that not relevant to the plot! atla is a show where just about every relationship is important in some regard (this post touches upon how aang alone transforms all of his friends - think of the bigger picture, then, and how every other dynamic weaves in a crucial thread to create the beautiful tapestry we call atla!).

my point is that kataang is relevant to the plot the way every relationship in atla is, whether or not someone ships/enjoys them. you cannot have a good show without having intimate relationships (emotionally, i mean). can you imagine if someone said zuko and iroh’s relationship wasn’t relevant to the plot?? there is a reason it is such a powerful moment when iroh and zuko reunite in the finale. similarly, there is a reason yue’s sacrifice and sokka’s consequential (and lasting) grief is so poignant. there is a reason it is so heartbreaking when katara and sokka have to leave behind their father at the beginning of tsr. to tie back to kataang, there is a reason it is so hard to watch katara dismiss aang in that same episode. there is a reason so many people are moved when katara pulls aang out of the avatar state when appa is stolen. there is a reason emotional reactions are incited during atla and it is because these relationships are so important!! i don’t care if someone thinks kataang is “boring” - that’s their opinion, they have a right to it. but to insist their relationship wasn’t relevant to the plot? to the story? when in fact it was a key component from episode 1?

are you kidding me?

“he spend years after a girl that never felt the same for him”

“years” lol doesn’t atla take place over the course of a year at most? pretty sure this person didn’t even watch the show 😂 for a third time, i refer to these posts:

This post and this post explain how Katara’s feelings for Aang develop throughout the series. This post explains how Aang consistently supported Katara throughout the series. This post demonstrates how Kataang is literally ingrained in every episode.

i hope i addressed these (nonsensical) arguments to your satisfaction, anon! a lot of them are the same tried-and-failed anti kataang arguments, smh. not to incite new discourse lmao, but it’d be nice if there was at least some variety 😂 thank you again for your kind words, my friend! 💛