#what a preposterous concept

[1humanbeans]

Isatmonth day 10: Starry Hat

[naura-speaks]

wdym 5SOS only has four members. like no. each of you should be one second of summer.

[hells-wasabii]

hello :33

Could i request a drabble with Alastor x reader who can break deals made by demons

He meets the reader, who comes into the hotel, and they make a deal that is totally bad on their end (like to let them touch his ears once and in return they will do his bidding forever and ever).

But then after getting Alastor to do his part, they break the deal, and Alastor and everyone else is dumbfounded. (he is equally pissed and intrigued)

I looooooove your writing and congratulations on 200 followers!! :3

A/N: Hey wait I know you! You were one of my first followers! Thanks for sending this in, it’s seriously a cool concept and was pretty fun to work on! I actually hadn’t planned on it being so long, but I hope you enjoy!

Character: Alastor

Type: Fic (Alastor x reader with a deal breaking ability, Fluff, Angst)

Alastor knew when he was being watched, he could practically feel your eyes on him from across the room. His smile turned tense as he narrowed his eyes at the little display that Niffty was attempting to show him. Though, she really couldn’t be bothered whether he was paying attention or not. Alastor couldn’t help but wonder: why was it you were staring at him so intently?

You were an enigma to Alastor. You were a guest of the hotel, and yet of you he knew next to nothing other than a name and a knack for mischief. As far as he could tell, you were ordinary. A specimen that did little to pique his interest. The radio demon turned his attention from Niffty’s insect display to look at you from the corner of his eyes. He watched with unease as you smiled knowingly at him, almost as if you knew something that he didn’t and he was the last to be left in the dark.

“I want to make a deal with you.”

Now that, that got his attention. The words had left your mouth so effortlessly. It was barely a whisper and yet it was enough to make his shadow move across the room to tower over you. If you noticed, you didn’t let it show. Perhaps that should have been his first sign that something was amiss.

In moments Alastor was mere inches away, a grin that couldn’t be described as anything else but plotting splitting his lips. “And what is it that I can do for you, my dear?” Behind him, his shadow waited impatiently, hungry for a meal, a soul. And Alastor planned to feed it.

“I want to touch your ears,” You said it with such confidence, so much so that it nearly took him aback. In fact, there was hardly a pause or even a moment of consideration. It sounded more like an impulse than anything else.

Surely he was hearing things. His… Ears? What kind of preposterous request is that? And to offer your soul for such a thing? Preposterous. Surely you had lost your mind before or since your arrival. But perhaps it was an even trade-off, considering his aversion to touch. Truly, he couldn’t see himself losing to a fool’s deal like this.

It was all standard, really. The matter was settled in a shake of the hand, markings and sigils appearing in the air and lining the walls around the both of you. And of course the rest of the Hotel’s residents, guests and staff alike came along to see what the fuss and light show was about. Alastor didn’t make deals every day after all? When had been the last time he had struck a deal for a soul? He could hardly remember as your hand left his.

“Well, let’s get this over with, shall we?” As if you needed any more invitation than that. Stepping closer, you reached up. Had it not been for the fact that the radio demon had no choice but to hold up his end of the bargain, you were sure that getting this close would either reward you with a stern warning or the loss of a limb. Anyone else would have hesitated, but not you. Not when you had an ace up your sleeve the way you did.

The moment that your fingers brushed the appendages on the top of the radio demon’s head, your mouth opened into a fine ‘o’ shape. They were unbelievably soft. Usually, the pelt of a deer is coarse, the hair only smooth when you go with the grain, and prickly when against. But with Alastor, it felt more like fur than the usual coarse hair of a buck. Interesting.

The radio demon did his best to steel himself, unwilling to show any sort of reaction, especially with an audience present. His expression nearly fell as he realized that the rest of the Hotel’s residents were bearing witness to such an embarrassing situation. He made a note to attempt to save face later.

When it was finally over, his smile turned sinister. He relished the feeling of a new leash, a new bond, forming in the palm of his hand. The radio demon couldn’t help but love the way a new wave of power coursed through him He watched with glee as the chain began to form, link by link until it came to an end at the binding around your neck. But you merely smiled. This was his second clue that something was a miss.

He lifted his gaze to follow your hand, as you raised it up to grasp the glowing green bond. He watched as it strained, the shackle and the chain before it shattered in a manner that was not unlike glass. He could feel it, the broken bond. He could feel the power that had just coursed through his veins leave his body.

His lips twitched. His smile nearly fell, in fact, the overlord was certain that if it hadn’t been for the green stitches that appeared as he slipped into his demonic form, he was sure that he would have bared his teeth in a ferocious snarl. Instead, Alastor lost his composure. He reached out to grab ahold of you, but you were already two steps ahead and three out of range of the radio demon.

“What is the meaning of this.” The radio in Alastor’s voice crackled, a grating sound that nearly made you falter.

But you merely grinned, continuing to back away towards the others. “Deals are always meant to be broken.” With this, you turned on your heels and were out the door before more could be said.

You. You were exactly what he needed. But how could he possibly have you do anything in his favor without some sort of leverage or contract? It had been quite some time since someone had provoked his ire like this, but he wouldn’t allow himself to be bested like this. Not by a long shot. Alastor stood tall, dusting off his tattered coat, as if it had been sullied in some form or fashion as he watched you make your leave. It would seem that the radio demon had quite a bit of work to do.

[tyrantisterror]

Who's THE Devil?

You know, from, like, The Bible?

One of the things the various takes on Hell more or less agree on is that there is one demon among the legions of Hell who more or less reigns supreme - The Devil with a capital The. What they rarely agree on, however, is which devil that is. So, for funsies, let's look at all the candidates for The Devil, shall we?

Belial

The concept of demons arguably predates Abrahamic religions, at least if we take it at its most nebulous definition of "supernatural people from an Other world who are somewhat antagonistic toward humanity." But the more specific and probably more familiar version of them began with The Book of Enoch, one of many texts that were deemed non-canonical by Christians yet still holds a great deal of influence on Christianity as a whole. It's an extended account of the Noah story, positing that a group of angels rebelled against heaven because they wanted to sleep with mortal women, and created a race of giant half-human half-angel offspring called the Nephilim (Goliath, of David and Goliath fame, was one of the nephilim). God wasn't happy with this, and sent the rebel angels to a fiery pit before killing most of the nephilim with the big ol' flood (though Goliath's lineage survived somehow I guess).

It's not quite how most people picture the War in Heaven and rebellion of the angels, but it's nonetheless where that story started, and that makes it important. This is the first take on what would become the classic origin story for demons and Hell itself. And who is the leader of the rebel angels in this story? Why our good friend Belial, of course. Belial would remain a prominent demon from hereafter, but despite having the earliest claim for the crown of The Devil, Belial has not remained the frontrunner in the race, and is generally demoted to just being a high ranking demon, rather than the Highest ranking one.

2. Beelzebub

I've talked about Beelzebub before and I don't want to spend too much time rehashing that post, so brief recap: Beelzebub began as a mean nickname for a god from a rival religion to Judaism who was named Baal Zebul, which means Lord of the Heavenly Place. Baal Zebub, by contrast, means "Lord of the Flies." Eventually Baalzebub becomes Beelzebub and, divorced from the original context of its creation, becomes a character in his own right, being a prominent demon. And because Beelzebub appeared in a lot of texts, many of them very old as demonology go, he became a major competitor for the title of The Devil, and remains so to this day. I think it's partly because the name "Beelzebub" is really fun to say, but the sheer history and volume of demonology texts portraying him as a big, powerful devil also help. In the rare stories where Beelzebub appears but does not get to be The Devil, he's still portrayed as fairly high ranking, with both Milton's Paradise Lost and Marlowe's Faust making him The Devil's right hand demon, second in command of Hell. So even when he loses the crown, Beelzebub takes home a good silver medal

3. Asmodeus

Asmodeus is another of our "predates Christianity" demons, right up there with Beelzebub and Belial, and as far as I can tell from what I've read he was originally intended to be The Devil rather than just a devil. It's kind of right there in the name - "deus" means god, so Asmodeus having that name marks him as a demon who thinks himself equal to God.

(well, ok, there's some debate about the full origin of his name, with some arguing the "deus" part was originally a play on "deva," which in turn is loosely translated as... demon. The fact that Asmodeus's name is pronounced/spelled differently to a preposterous degree is part of why the water is so muddy - Asmoday, Asmodai, Asmodee, Osmodeus, it goes on and on)

One of his better claims to the crown comes from the story of Solomon - you know, the wise king who told people to cut babies in half. Solomon's less canonical feats include enslaving a shitload of demons to build a temple for him by way of the rite of exorcism, using a magic ring and the power of Christ to compel the damned to do manual labor for him. Asmodeus is specifically stated to be the strongest demon he summons in part because he is the King of all Demons, i.e. The Devil - and the other demons weep at the sight of their king being reduced to a slave by mortal hands.

Why is this a strong claim? Because the story of Solomon in turn inspired The Lesser Key of Solomon, a text about using the rite of exorcism to summon and use demons to do your bidding. The Lesser Key of Solomon includes the Ars Goetia, which is basically a big ol' bestiary of demons, and where many of your favorite pop culture demons - like, say, Stolas the owl guy - come from. Being the King of all demons in the story that inspired one of the more thorough and exhaustive lists of demons and their hierarchies should count for a lot.

There's one other great claim to fame Asmodeus has in his favor. While not directly named in Dante's The Divine Comedy, the description Dante gives of Satan's physical appearance matches with the most popular descriptions of Asmodeus - in particular, his three heads, one of which is yellow, one red, and one black. Granted, it'd be more of a smoking gun if one of those heads was a bull and the other a goat, but they're all very ogre-like, so I still think it stands. Dante's Devil is, more likely than not, Asmodeus, and that's a BIG point in Asmodeus's favor.

4. Hades/Pluto

Ok, so, a great deal of the Old Testament was originally written in Greek, and the New Testament was written in Latin, both of which happened when belief in the Olympian Gods was pretty strong. As such, the word "Hades" appears in the Bible a lot when talking about the place where dead people go, though it probably wasn't meant to literally be the same underworld as that in Greco-Roman mythology. Probably.

But because Christianity was spread primarily by the Roman empire once they converted to Christianity, and because Europe ended up getting a centuries-long case of stockholm syndrome for the Roman Empire that involved many people in power declaring that Greco-Roman mythology was super important literature and Latin was the language of God Himself, there is a good chunk of Biblical apocrypha that treats the use of Hades as, well, a literal crossover of sorts. Which is to say that Hades the god is sometimes treated as, like, a figure in Christianity, generally a demon specifically. And because he's, you know, Hades, from, like, The Odyssey, people feel he needs to be prominent. I mean, Hades RULED the underworld in Greek mythology, so if we're stealing him for Christian folklore, he should at least be in upper management, right?

The strongest case for Hades being The Devil comes from The Book of Revelation, one of the few books in the Bible that actually contributes to demonology (despite what people tell you, demons really don't show up in the Bible that much - most of what we think of as iconic demon lore come from non-canonical works). You know the four horsemen of the apocalypse? War, Famine, Plague, and Death, right? HA, WRONG! It's Conquest, War, Famine, and Pestilence & Death, you fake horseman fan. Well, anyway the line that introduces Death/Pestilence & Death ends with "And Hell followed with him." Except, no, not really, because the specific word used is... Hades. "And Hades followed with him." Which, depending on how you want to interpret the line, could very well mean a literal, King of the Underworld Hades.

Of course, the problem with using Revelation as proof is that Revelation itself is pretty unclear on who's leading the forces of evil. Is it the Seven-Headed dragon who's cast out of Heaven at the beginning of the end of the world? Is it the seven headed leopard monster that the dragon gives his crown to? Is it the monster who crawls out of the ground to speak for the seven-headed leopard with the voice of a dragon? Is it Hades? Is it God, the one who's allowing all this violent shit to happen and frequently sending his angels to make it way fucking worse? Who can say.

So, while it's not super common, there are more than a few works where The Devil is none other than Hades himself. Disney... might not have been completely off the mark, I guess?

While I think Hades's claim is pretty weak, I should note that one of the works that puts a LOT of Greek mythology into Hell is none other than Dante's The Divine Comedy. 70% of the demons in Dante's Hell are just Greek monsters, with the remaining few being Asmodeus and some OC demons he made up with portmanteu names a la Pokemon. Notably, Hades is one of those demonized Greek figures - presented as the Judge who decides where in Hell sinners end up based on their crimes. He's not The Devil, though, so while Dante kind of helps Hades's case, he also kind of ends up making a counter argument to it.

5. Abaddon/Apollyon

Ok, so, the word "abaddon" is used in some texts to refer to Hell, and sometimes it's personified as well. It literally means "ruin." Well, in time, Abaddon is personified and become a demon, which should feel like a familiar story to you by this point. And because Abaddon can also literally be Hell itself, it's only natural that some stories posit Abaddon the demon as the rule of Hell, much as Hades is the ruler of Hades in Greek mythology. This is Abaddon's big claim, and it's not bad, but it's not super strong. Nonetheless, it was enough for at least one prominent Christian text, Pilgrim's Progress, to make Abaddon (under one of his synonym names, Apollyon) to be The Devil, so we can give him that too.

6. Sheol

The sections of the Bible that are written in Hebrew use the word "Sheol" to refer to the underworld/afterlife rather than Hades. Now, Judaism doesn't have the same Hell as Christianity, or the same concept of Heaven either for that matter, and Sheol is less a place of torment for the damned and more of a waiting room for the dead to hang out in until the Messiah comes.

Nonetheless, Sheol did get personified like Abaddon and Hades, and that personification (which, in some versions, is a batty old lady, which is fun) later became a demon in its own right, and thus, for the same reasons as Abaddon and Hades, has a claim to being The Devil by dint of also being, you know, Hell itself. Not the strongest, most popular claim, no, but a claim nonetheless.

7. Satan

Feels rather obvious, doesn't it? Ok, so, in The Bible, one of the characters who was retconned into being The Devil is the angel in the Book of Job who takes on the title of Satan. In the original context of the story, "Satan" is not a name, but, again, a title - a job title, really, roughly akin to "prosecuting attorney." The Satan in the Book of Job isn't a rebel angel, but an angel whose job is to argue for the opposing view point to make sure everyone is doing the right thing. Less "The Devil" and more "the devil's advocate."

But! Christians fucking LOVE the devil, and they want more devil in their Bible, so many translations treat (the) Satan not as the hard-working servant of God he was originally written as, but as, you know, The Devil, arch-enemy of God and justice. And so Satan becomes synonymous with The Devil, and over time more and more appearances of The Devil give him the name Satan.

I can see an argument for this being the strongest claim, because the sheer amount of works where "Satan" is treated as The name of The Devil is enormous. But I think it's important to note that many of those works actually treat it as a name for the devil, which is to say, not the only name. I guess a lot of modern works think the name is so commonly used that it lacks its punch, and so they have The Devil pull the "I have many names" schtick to sound more imposing.

8. Lucifer

So there's a part of the Bible that talks about a star falling out of Heaven as a sort of metaphor for how people can fall from grace. Well, good ol' King James translated this as not just a falling star, but specifically The Devil himself, giving him the name Lucifer, which means "light-bringer." The King James translation of the Bible is bad in that it's immensely inaccurate, but good in that it's a beautiful piece of poetry in its own right, and since it had the authority of a goddamn king behind it, it quickly became a prominent Christian text and is still the preferred translation of many Christian sects to this day.

So, you know, that's pretty fucking big as claims go. There is one incredibly prominent (if woefully inaccurate) translation of the Bible where Lucifer is The Devil. Kind of hard to fight that one.

But it doesn't end there! I would argue that the most influential origin story for Christian devils, the one that has become ingrained in the cultural consciousness as THE story of the War in Heaven, is Milton's poem Paradise Lost. That's where most of the tropes we associate with The Devil and demons and Hell really come together to form the great devil mythology - well, it and Dante's The Divine Comedy, anyway. You know which name Milton chose for The Devil?

Lucifer.

Well, ok, he also calls Lucifer "Satan" with about equal frequency, but still - Lucifer is The Devil of Paradise Lost. And because of the sheer weight that both Paradise Lost and the King James Bible have in culture, Lucifer has ended up being used as The Devil in countless works since! Not bad for a translation error, right?

While the sheer number and notability of literature that uses Lucifer as The Devil is kind of argument enough for him having the best claim, I'd like to add one more argument in his favor: dramatic irony. I think what draws people to Lucifer is the meaning of his name - "the light-bringer" - and how it contrasts with his role as the king of a pit of darkness and misery. "Light-bringer" is a heroic name, the name of a character who brings hope and joy, which makes it so delicious when it turns out our "light-bringer" is an utter bastard. It's just irresistible, isn't it?

9. Mephistopheles

A good number of demon stories - arguably the majority of them - focus on mortals who make deals with demons and end up damned to Hell for doing it. We call these stories "faustian pacts," and we do that because the most famous story of this kind is the story of Faust, a scientist/alchemist who makes a deal with a devil named Mephistopheles to learn the secrets of the universe and ends up doing a lot of sinning in the process. Since Faust is such a famous and influential story, it only follows that its main devil is frequently viewed as The Devil.

...except

In most versions of Faust, Mephistopheles is not presented as The Devil within the narrative. He's a henchman, a flunkie, with one of the bigger names like Lucifer or Beelzebub pulling the strings. So while there are a number of stories (including a few versions of Faust itself) where Mephistopheles gets to be The Devil, it's far more common for him to be a devil - perhaps a prominent devil, maybe even one of the strongest and a close member of The Devil's inner circle, but rarely the one in charge.

10. Baphomet

Baphomet is a god whose name and appearance was repurposed as a demon by The Church of Satan, and so while I have to admit that is a claim to the crown, I don't think it's a great one. First, nothing about the Church of Satan's belief system is meant to be taken genuinely, with them admitting that they view Satan/Baphomet as a symbol rather than a literal supernatural being they believe in. Second, by rights Baphomet should be allowed to be Baphomet instead of being literally demonized. I honestly think it's better for Baphomet to lose this race than to win it.

11. Iblis

Demons in Islam work differently from demons in Christianity. Rather than being fallen angels, demons are wicked Djinn - a race of people made from fire and smoke rather than ash and dirt like humans. Djinn aren't quite as powerful as angels in Islam, but do have significant supernatural powers that humans lack. Like humans, Djinn have free will and can choose whether to be good or evil - and those that choose to be evil reside in Islam's version of Hell, where they are ruled by Iblis, the first Djinn to choose the wicked path and the ruler of Islam's Hell.

Unlike Christianity, there isn't really any debate on this. Iblis is, for all intents and purposes, the CANONICAL ruler of Hell, The Devil of Islam, and thus has the strongest and really ONLY claim to be The Devil of that religion.

...but, at the same time, Iblis can't really be the Christian devil, because Christianity doesn't have Djinn, and all the iconic parts of Christian demonology kind of hinge on the idea of demons as rebel angels, which demonic djinn very much aren't. So while Iblis's claim in Islam is irefutable, he doesn't have one in Christianity. Ain't that wacky?

I think it should be noted that there are more-or-less canonical texts where Iblis isn't treated as purely evil, either, including one where he actively asks for help in repenting and is turned down because, well, evil has to exist, and someone has to rule over it, and like it or not, that's Iblis's job now. It ends with Iblis wailing that he has become the greatest martyr of Islam. Which is so fucking hardcore, I love it. In Christianity, the texts where we humanized demons are non-canonical at best and deemed heresy at worst, but Islam allowed it to be more-or-less canon. They saw the coolest takes on the Devil and said "yeah we can allow that" - so much more rad than what Christianity did with them.

~

~

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So, who do YOU think is The Devil? You know, from, like, The Bible?

[leosficlist]

Parentlock Rec List (so far)

This trope is my biggest weakness, so you can expect to find fluff galore, lots of Sherlock being called “dad” for the first time, love confessions and guaranteed happy endings. Mixture of lengths

Parentlock 2, Parentlock 3

A Case for Domestic Propinquity by SilentAuror 32k words

Author’s Summary: As Sherlock and John renovate Baker Street with Rosie underfoot, Sherlock can't help but wondering how he could possibly convince John to just stay indefinitely...

Notes: The way this fic ends is genius, and one of my favorite concepts that I rarely see.

Iris by Slashscribe

Author’s Summary: Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock's perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness. 12k words

Notes: Sherlock falls in love with Johns daughter (named Iris in this), and John falls in love with Sherlock as he watches.

Small Sacrifices by Fandaround

Author’s Summary: Five times that Sherlock made small sacrifices for Rosie and the one time that John realized it was all for him. 3k words

Notes: soft and sweet, sherlock adjusting his life for his favorite people

Family Matter by FaithfulViewers

Author’s Summary: A little girl calling them both her daddies is all it takes for John and Sherlock to realize the obvious: they're a family now. (Parentlock.) 3.8k words

Note: Gen, no kissing or romantic vibes, still lovely and heartwarming

The Dilemma of the Watson Bedroom by Jemariel

Author’s Summary: Sherlock hates the name Rosamund. John wanted to call her Katherine. Sherlock thinks it suits her. Meanwhile, he and John are orbiting ever closer together. Sherlock tries not to wonder how long he will have them here, all three of them together in 221B. 7k words

The Stroke of Midnight by aqueliaofthelonelymountain

Author’s Summary: With asking John this one question, he might induce John to ask other questions himself. Like: Since when are you interested in college reunions? Or worse: You know that most people bring their significant others to college reunions, do you, Sherlock? Like spouses… 9.8k words

Notes: Sherlock thinks John is simply playing along to help him save face, but this is cleared up by the end of the night.

Lines In The Sand by JRow

Author’s summary: "He examines the plain white box, which clearly holds a new mug. John must have purchased it and he’s written a note on the top. “First time for everything. – J” Sherlock smiles and feels excitement as he opens the box. As expected, it’s a mug. It appears to be a boring, white mug. Sherlock pulls it out of the box and his breath hitches as he sees the image decorating the side. It’s not boring at all." 3k words

Notes: John is sappy and open, Sherlock is cautiously hopeful. getting together.

Beautiful Pictures by JRow (again!)

Author’s Summary: An adorable (but unacceptable!) photo of Sherlock and Rosie on the Mail online, a stolen Picasso, and a slip of the tongue force John to re-evaluate his long held assumptions 28k+ words

Notes: casefic, raising rosie together while pining, felt like a quick read, vulnerable sherlock, sherlock calls john when offered drugs, sherlock devotes himself to rosie, john takes a pre kiss walk

What Remains Unsaid by ScullysEvilTwin

Author’s Summary: “Sherlock,” he says quietly, shifting over beneath the now-ruined quilt. “Do you want children?” Sherlock stares at the ceiling, makes no indication that he’s heard John at all, but after a moment, he turns his head to meet John’s gaze. “Look at our lives, John. What a preposterous notion.” [] “Our lives are insane, yes, but you didn’t answer the question, did you?” 5.5k words

Notes: Established relationship, John sees Sherlock interacting with children a few times and decides they should consider their options.

Swan Dive by HitLikeHammers

5+1 Sherlock has definitely leapt blindly into worse things. Or: Five Times Sherlock Acted as a Parent, and One Time He Didn't Have Any Reason for Acting at All. 8k words

Notes: Little scenes from Sherlock raising rosie, absolutely heartwarming

Three Of Us by Salamboo6

Author’s Summary: He leans in as soon as he’s close enough, kissing Rosie’s forehead softly, murmuring a quiet “Morning love” as Sherlock goes into more detailed facts about Rosie’s sleeping habits. John isn’t sure what happens next, but without thinking twice about it and actually feeling like it’s the most natural thing in the world to do right now, he leans in towards Sherlock and kisses his temple with a smile. 2.8k words

Notes: starts with a sleepy kiss, end with getting together

Love Comes Softly by SHERLOCKED79

Author’s Summary: After Mary’s unexpected death leaves John alone to raise a months-old Rosie, the doctor tries to sort through the wreckage of his new life. Thankfully, Sherlock is there to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together. / A short, endearing fic in which it takes John Watson over half a decade of raising Rosie together with Sherlock to finally realize he’s absolutely in love with the man. (And in which John is the only one who doesn’t realize this.) 29k words

Notes: So fluffy I thought it must be a prank, but the love never stops ♡

Love Like Ours by Berty

Author’s Summary: In a moment of madness, John tells Sherlock that he loves him. He had not anticipated where the ensuing conversation would take them. 6,5k words

Notes: Lovely heartfelt, in character, love confessions and clarifications, John catching Sherlock being lovely with Rosies as.

[lemonhemlock]

tried watching the new queen charlotte series but was immediately put off by the ridiculous anti-corset propaganda, so get ready for another rant.

first of all, this is the georgian era so what she's wearing are called /stays/ - corsets are a victorian invention. why do we still not know this in 2023 when period productions have remained consistently popular throughout the years? the concept of tighlacing (the goal being a reduction of the waist) is also victorian and was not the norm at all and v much an extreme practice. this understanding of history is so superficial, it's as if an alien were to open up People magazine and conclude that all human women resort to butt injections and lip fillers to stay with the fashion of the times. also, no, you cannot tighlace in stays to obtain a waist reduction because they are shaped like a funnel (picture 1 = long stays, 2 = short regency stays, 3 = corset)

charlotte goes on to complain about how dangerous whalebone is and that it might kill her if she makes the wrong move. what the actual fuck? whalebone was actually the very best material to use for this because it was sturdy yet flexible and allowed the /stays/ to completely and comfortably mold around a woman's unique body shape. one of the reasons why today it is v difficult to replicate the same effect in corsetry is because we do not have access to whalebone (killing whales is not cool for obvious reasons) so corset-makers have to resort to other materials like plastic or metal, which CAN break. whereas whalebone doesn't really break as easily. furthermore, stays/corsets were NEVER worn on bare skin, but with a chemise/shift underneath.

why did women in the past resort to this type of undergarment, you ask? well, apart from the fact that women need bust support, the stays also serve the purpose of allowing all the many skirts and petticoats to be placed comfortably onto the waist. you try piling on that much fabric around your bare waist and see how you like it and if you can even carry it all around without it cutting into your stomach.

clothes throughout human history did cater to the popular fashions of the time, yes, but they also reflected the technological limitations and there was thus a practical aspect to it. this is a time before elastic bands, before industrialization and fast fashion, clothes are v difficult to make, everything is done by hand, so a lot of care is put into preserving them, because they are /expensive/ and labour intensive. you don't want your fancy outergarments to get ruined so you wear a lot of undergarments to absorb your bodily fluids since those are easier to make and don't have to look "pretty", can be stained and patchy etc. again, why do you need so many layers in the first place? because this is a time before comfortable heating, with poorly isolated and drafty houses, and it's bloody cold otherwise.

the third reason why that monologue was so dumb is because CHARLOTTE is the reason regency court dress was so preposterous. long story short, in a few decades, the fashionable silhouette changes wildly from the late 1700s to the 1810s.

the regency waistline was much higher and the gowns were much more flowy and unstructured than the late georgian ones (what's commonly known as the empire waistline). the long stays of the late 1700s were now replaced with short stays that really were similar to modern bras. the scene in the first season of bridgerton where they squeeze penelope's sister into what looks like a pair of long stays (?) is bonkers bc no one would wear a waist-constricting boned undergarment under a regency dress. why would they? the natural waist is not even emphasized in any way. this is just another reason to peddle the women-were-oppressed-by-their-lingerie agenda. so if charlotte really hated long stays that much, regency would really have been her time to shine, right? wrong. the woman loved the fashions of her youth so much she forced everyone who came to court to still comply to them, which is why we get the absolutely atrocious regency court dresses - essentially a combination of the georgian style with side panniers, but with an empire waistline.

yeah, this is how daphne SHOULD have looked like when she was presented at court in front of charlotte. i can understand why the showrunners decided to just leave her in a regency silhouette because this is ugly af. but, anyway, queen charlotte is the last person on earth to be complaining about how uncomfortable stays are.

creative licence aside, the reason this pisses me off is because it is SUCH lazy storytelling. the show wants us to know charlotte is a spunky pseudo-feminist character so the easiest way to do that is to have her complain about the evil 'corset' trying to kill her. it is so profoundly ahistorical and does nothing to contribute to the conversation about women's true problems and true limitations during that time. instead of genuinely exploring social history and women's actual lived experiences, we are STILL, in the year of our lord 2023, diverting the discourse towards fabricated issues that never existed in the first place.

the reasons actresses complain about boned underwear in interviews are manifold. costume designers are very overworked, they have to produce clothes for hundreds of people in a very short time, so they simply do not have the time or resources to construct corsets/stays that fit the actresses like they are supposed to. in the past, these garments were made individually for every person and completely to their own requirements. they also make these actresses wear the boning on BARE skin to look extra sexy to the audience or to emphasize their oppression - that never happened, a shift was always worn underneath (hello dakota fanning scene in the alienist??).

moreover, they lace them up until they constrict their ribcages - these women are already super thin and their bodies cannot support more reduction - instead of relying on the historical practices of padding and illusion. nowadays, body parts are what's fashionable - that's why so many resort to fat transfers or breast implants or starving themselves to achieve a flat stomach. in the past, anyone of any size could have accomplished the fashionable silhouette because they had a wide array of accouterments to plop underneath their garments - panniers, bustles, hoop skirts, padding of any sort. it didn't matter how big your waist was, you just padded other areas until you achieved the desired shape. fat women wore corsets/stays, too. working women, who did a lot of physical labour, did the same. how were they able to perform all of their tasks if they were incapable of moving or breathing? even today, people wear medical corsets all the time.

TLDR the media's obsession with portraying modern women as so liberated because they wear bras instead of "patriarchal" underwear is so tedious.

EDIT: Some very basic chronological tadpoles to make this easier to place within historical context. "Georgian" is used to denote the 18th+ century when Great Britain was ruled by several kings named George, so roughly 1714-1830. Within this interval, we refer to the Regency period as encompassing the regency of Prince George, future King George IV, when his father George III was incapacitated by mental illness. The official political regency took place during 1811-1820, but culturally speaking, this was extended to roughly the end of the 18th century up to maybe 1830 or 1837. This is the time period of Napoleonic wars and Jane Austen novels, so all her heroines should normally wear Regency styles. Think "empire waistline" as in Imperial France and Napoleon. The Victorian era (and its corsets) follows throughout the rest of the 19th century. Queen Charlotte was a contemporary of Marie Antoinette's, so they should be dressed in similar fashions (robe à la française vs robe à la anglais).

[gallifreyinstituteforlearning]

How can I domesticate a feral timelord?

How can I domesticate a feral Time Lord?

Hmm. Firstly, I must acknowledge the sheer implausibility and, dare I say, the absurdity of this totally outrageous concept. Time Lords, the esteemed rulers of time and space, possess intellects and abilities far beyond the grasp of most species, particularly humans. The notion of a Time Lord becoming feral is already a stretch, but the idea of domesticating one is downright preposterous.

Time Lords are known for their superior intelligence, advanced technology, their extraordinary biology, and capacity for strategy. They're not creatures to be tamed or controlled, but rather revered and respected at all times.

It's also important to note that the Celestial Intervention Agency (CIA) closely monitors all communications from GIL. They might find your inquiry particularly interesting. Don't fancy yours much 😟😲

Related:

Factoid: What’s the ‘Dark Design’ in Time Lords?

Are Gallifreyans mammals?: Exploring the classification of Gallifreyans as mammals.

Can Gallifreyans experience telepathic touch-starvation?: The importance of telepathic connections between Gallifreyans.

Hope that helped! 😃

More content ... →📫Got a question? | 📚Complete list of Q+A and factoids →😆Jokes |🩻Biology |🗨️Language |🕰️Throwbacks |🤓Facts →🫀Gallifreyan Anatomy and Physiology Guide (pending) →⚕️Gallifreyan Emergency Medicine Guides →📝Source list (WIP) →📜Masterpost If you're finding your happy place in this part of the internet, feel free to buy a coffee to help keep our exhausted human conscious. She works full-time in medicine and is so very tired 😴

[thedarkcircuswritings]

Hey, could you do something with the ancients meeting the leader of the cookie kingdom who secretly comes from the cookie wars timeline before the timeline was erased?

Ever since devsisters shut down cookie wars, cookie wars has been kinda treated like it never happened, the only remnants of the game existing are two costumes in ovenbreak and reusing a character in kingdom, so I'm curious if the deletion of cookie wars would actually affect the main timelines in some form and what you would do with this concept. (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

"And how can we believe your tall tales?" Golden Cheese was the first to be disregarded by the royalty's story. After all, it was absurd; a war against so-called Jellywalkers? A kingdom abandoned in time and space without anybody's knowledge? It was preposterous! And yet, Hollyberry was the first to advocate for a chance of understanding. Dark Cacao didn't exactly show much trust in this idea, simply wanting the leader to leave. The leader begged them to hear their story out, as they had lost so much already, that they just had to talk to the new leaders of this world. Golden Cheese was hesitant, squinting as she saw Pure Vanilla and White Lily's sympathetic expressions, before relenting at last for the leader to go. "Very well then... it seems like you have fought hard to be here. Give us your truth, fallen leader."

[seat-safety-switch]

In art, there is a concept of "outsider art." That's art that was made by folks who weren't trained in it, who didn't practice its rituals and take its lessons to heed. Those people still managed to make art, but its convention-defying freshness and bizarre arrival out of nowhere is important enough to define it separately from the usual stuff.

You might think that this is elitist, and it definitely is. Just because you didn't read the right magazines, go to the right schools, sleep with the right folks dressed like vampires, your art is reduced? Preposterous. Better to dwell on the positive, in that you are perfectly positioned, with your unique perspective on life, to shake up the tedium of what has come before and show them all that they were very, very wrong.

Why am I talking about this right now? Oh, no reason. It's just that recently, I got to meet my hero. No, it's not a famous explorer, scientist, or politician. My hero is the dude who invented the Plymouth Volare. I thought he would be excited to see what I'd done to improve and modernize his invention for the modern era.

He was very gracious about the whole thing, until the onrushing heart attack finally caught up with him. I tried asking him, as the paramedics were wheeling him into the ambulance: what part was the most "out there," the most innovative, the daring-est? Unfortunately, by then, he was on supplemental oxygen and I couldn't hear his yelling over the sound of the rotary vane pump. Let's just say it's the wet-layup trunk lid that I made out of carbon fibre sheets stolen from NASA. The original one rusted away, so I didn't exactly have good dimensions to go off of, so I kind of eyeballed it. I think I got pretty close! The trunk only fills with water once in awhile – only when it rains or is wet outside – and the other holes in the trunk help it to drain out.

They do say to never meet your heroes, but I have to put something on the end of that advice. Never meet your heroes with a car that fucking sucks. You want to knock their socks off, which is coincidentally something that the doctors had never seen happen either.

[aunhinged]

Johnlock concept: Sherlock gets tipsy/drunk 02

Sherlock's first experience of drunkenness in front of John would be nothing short of the social experiment of the year.

It starts out innocently enough, Sherlock dismissing alcohol as a "pointless social lubricant". Insisting it won't affect him because his "metabolism is far too advanced." A few glasses of wine later, he's half-draped over the armchair, lecturing John on the "intellectual merits of bees."

Sherlock: John, do you ever stop and think about bees? The perfect little systems they have. Communal, focused, productive. Unlike humans. Unlike me... mostly you, though.

At some point, John realizes Sherlock’s actually slurring, but Sherlock refuses to admit it.

Sherlock: I’m not drunk, John. I’m..re-evaluating my diction. You should try it, ‘diction,’ fascinating word... dic-tion.

He stumbles on his own feet mid-sentence.

Sherlock attempts to analyze John’s facial expressions

Sherlock: You’re frowning, and that means you’re... either tired, or hungry, or... worried I’m about to fall again. Unnecessary concern, John. My balance is fine.

Seconds later, Sherlock nearly knocks over a lamp.

John’s trying to get him to stop talking about everything and nothing at once, but Sherlock is now recounting every minor injustice from their cases in the past year. Including Lestrade "insulting his coat" and how Molly once “offered him average coffee.”

Mid-rant, Sherlock suddenly pauses, swaying slightly, and looks at John.

Sherlock: You know, John... I used to think I could do this whole detective thing on my own. But that was before you. I mean, I was great before you. But now... I’m...exce..exceptional.”

Johns trying not to choke on his tea with that one

Eventually, Sherlock begins confessing that John has a very "soothing aura."

Sherlock: John, you’re like... a very calm... tree. Tall, steady, good to lean on.

John, smirking: A tree, Sherlock?

Sherlock, dead serious: Yes. Quite.

Round 1 am, Sherlock begins a grand speech about the failures of the British government, which somehow ends in a tearful realization that he really likes John’s jumpers.

Sherlock: John, you don’t understand, I envy your knitwear. It’s so... reliable. Like you.

By the end of the night, John gets Sherlock into bed, but not before Sherlock decides to muse about how “annoyingly decent” John is.

Sherlock: You’re... you’re a very difficult man to ignore, John Watson. Always here, always... there. What’s it like, to be so... solid?

John just sighs, pats Sherlock on the head, and says, Go to sleep, you git.

The next morning, Sherlock wakes up and absolutely denies everything.

Sherlock: I did not discuss the intricacies of your knitwear, John. You must be mistaken.

John: Sherlock, you called me a tree.

Sherlock, frowning: I would never compare you to vegetation. That’s preposterous

[ask-jay-gatsby]

dear mr gatsby,

how do (or did) you feel about nick and jordan’s relationship

sincerely,

a nerd

POST: LONG ISLAND, NY. AUG 1922

Dear A. Nerd,

I'm afraid I don't know Miss Baker as well as I would like to, nor did I get much of a chance to witness the pair together very often, but the very concept of their union strikes me more as the basis of a joke than any past reality.

Nick? Nick Carraway? My Nick? With not only a woman, but Miss Baker? It's on all accounts entirely preposterous of a notion. I don't mean to air either of their business but since you asked, I don't think they're playing the same sport, much less for the same team, if you understand what I mean by that.

That being said, they're both plenty fine company, together or separately! Miss Baker has a sharp tongue and a wit to match, and Nick's always there as a delightfully upright moral bumper for all of us to maintain ourselves. What a sacrifice he makes, being the most honest (and dear) person in West Egg...

Sincerely and emphatically,

Jay Gatsby

[justinspoliticalcorner]

By now, every pundit in America has their own 2024 election take, mostly confirming their prior opinions. Every Republican has a take, too, which is that Americans voted resoundingly for — well, for whatever policy that Republican cares about, from opposition to transgender rights to support for prayer in schools. And of course, progressives, especially younger ones, have every right to feel afraid, angry, or alienated. But the data tells a specific story, not a choose-your-own-adventure. And that is that swing voters voted mostly out of economic insecurity and discontent. They actually liked Kamala Harris more than Donald Trump (Harris’ favorability was 48 percent, compared to 44 percent for Trump). But Harris was the incumbent, and incumbents don’t win elections when people think the economy is bad. This is not just an American phenomenon. As the Financial Times reported, in every developed country in the world, the incumbents lost this year. This is unprecedented. If, like me, you’re being kept awake at night thinking about this election, this explanation helps. Yes, people were willing to put up with Trump’s criminality, coup attempts, and extreme xenophobia, and that is still terrible. Many were also on board with scapegoating immigrants for our economic woes, which is as factually preposterous as it is morally offensive.  But they didn’t vote for MAGA. They didn’t vote against women, or wokeness, or coastal elites, or climate regulation, or government regulation in general, or queer people. Not directly, anyway. They voted against the incumbent party, like every other developed country in the world this year. The shock waves from the Covid-19 pandemic — inflation, empty shelves, housing prices — are global, and this is a global trend. Everywhere in the world, voters have chosen to throw the bastards out because of the economy.  In fact, if you look closely at the Financial Times data, Trump actually did worse than most other non-incumbents. Yes, he won a clear victory. But it was not as big a victory as parties in France, Italy, or even New Zealand.  [...] So what happens when the emperor is revealed to have no clothes — or even worse, the garb of the same financial “elites” he claims to be against? Obviously, the MAGA faithful will stay with Trump no matter what — after all, his failure to bring about revolution in 2017 spawned the QAnon conspiracy theory, which said he was really about to do it, any day now. But the economic voters that gave him his victory could abandon Trump if he can’t deliver results. And he cannot. While Trump is busy trying to throw his enemies in jail, he has no plan — not even “concepts of a plan” — for the kitchen-table concerns that actually put him into office. Maybe, just maybe, voters will see they’ve been conned. That is the best we can hope for.

Jay Michaelson for Rolling Stone on Donald Trump and how he'll make America worse off (11.11.2024).

Jay Michaelson wrote in Rolling Stone that some of who voted in Donald Trump due to “muh economy” or “muh grocery costs” could be in for a shock.

[maverick-werewolf]

Werewolf Thoughts - Day 31, Happy Halloween!

Day 31- Happy Halloween! For the final day, I just want to expand upon how, as preposterous as it may seem, I really cannot put into words how much the concept of this curse of the werewolf captivates me. There are endless elements to explore and stories to tell with such a thing (and I am going to tell as many as I can, myself, in my own fiction). The distant howl of a beast, wolfish yet wrong, drifting over the graveyards and haunted forests under the light of the full moon as the air hangs thick with fog-- knowing it is the voice of a cursed monster but also of an innocent soul, haunted, powerless, enduring the untold agony of the transformation and now indescribably dangerous… cursed, lost in rage with which no man could contend, and always starving for flesh.

It is one of the deepest tales of tragedy. The werewolf is a being of duality, of halves, never to be truly whole. Neither a man nor a beast, they must wander, alone, lost, at odds with themselves, in sorrow, fury, and eternal hunger. How does one reconcile committing atrocities in the skin of a beast? How can any good person continue as such a monster?

It gives me chills just thinking about it. I've never seen a concept cooler, and I know I never will. You cannot best the oldest of legends and such a core terror that haunts all humanity: the idea that even the most civilized a man could become the most terrible of beasts. This is why werewolves have haunted the human psyche since the dawn of time - and they always will.

Obviously, there are many takes on werewolves, especially these days, and not all folklore told such tales, but I'm speaking in terms of why werewolves captivate me personally. To me, it all comes back to The Wolf Man (1941), as inspired by legends and turned into a tale of tragedy that touches the hearts of all who hear it. You cannot help but relate to such a character, feel sorry for him, but you always must wonder… what would you do, in such a situation? What would you do, as a werewolf - or as a werewolf's loved one? What would you do, if someone you cared about turned into a monster?

That is untold narrative power.

As always, I have endless werewolf thoughts all the time, not to mention publishing werewolf articles, folklore research, and much more. I am also finally getting into publishing my werewolf fiction, which has always been my truest life goal.

November this year (or December if things go sour for me, but hopefully November), I will have a new release called Wulfgard: The Prophecy of the Six, Book I - Knightfall. It's the biggest deal to me. I've worked on this story my whole life and been editing this huge revision of it for almost ten years. It means so much to me. And I'm so proud of it. I can't wait to publish it and share it with the world.

I really hope you'll check it out. So be sure to check back with me for its release and pick up a copy (or maybe even take part in some fun giveaways and other things I have planned). It's kind of like Lord of the Rings meets The Wolf Man. If you love traditional fantasy, adventure, horror, werewolves, knights, mystery, and even pitched battles, this book has it all.

For now, though, I have to get back to work on said book. I hope my werewolf post series here has been fun, thought-provoking, and even educational. I do this kind of thing all the time, but I've never done a once a day series. It's been a blast.

So, once again - happy Halloween!

img: art of werewolf Tom Drake from Wulfgard, by Saber-Scorpion

[cebwrites]

May I ask for some jealous headcannons for law, croc and zoro with bimbo s/o (hopefully I said that right :) how ppl find them really pretty and give them free things all the time (flowers,books,food) when their shopping together (*´∀｀) 

a/n: haiii, this concept really interested me - it is however stated in my rules that i don't typically write fem reader as mentioned though, i did like the idea so i wrote it through a masc pov instead (。・・)ノ

with a partner who receives a lot of gifts (Law, Crocodile, Zoro)

masc reader, he/they law word count: 1k

Law

Oh such a pity he'd fallen for a man so pretty

They aren't particularly fond of it but if this is the price to pay for having you by his side, so be it, but more importantly - mansplain, manipulate, malewife those pockets dry, darlin'

It was cute at first, to see them subtly pout and bristle whenever someone approached you with flowers, offers for drinks, or hawkers giving you an excess of free samples whenever the two of you passed by their stalls; it made you feel special, desired

However, the moment a lightbulb went off underneath your captain's scheming little mushroom hat, the fun slowly but surely started to dwindle; you knew something was up immediately when Law flashed you that crooked smirk, an expression you were more than familiar with, eyes shaded by the brim of their hat

It goes without saying that Law loves and does want to treat their boyfriend whenever possible, but he's also a bit of a cheapskate and if other people want to fill the role of spoiling you while he gets to sit back on full pockets well then that's just a win-win, even going so far as to encourage you to accept these gifts, too

Of course, when you give them a look and pinch their cheek after a the third or forth occasion, Law lets out a long-suffering sigh and hooks an arm around your waist - staking his claim, if you will - glaring off would-be Casanovas vying for your attention and paying for his boyfriend's meal with his own damn wallet (your turn to pick up the tab next time though, as per usual)

You will, however, still snag free food when possible for the both of you; if luck was on his side, Law would get to share spoonful's of ice cream with you between intimate glances and kisses in your personal bubble - all while he smugly watched those Romeos and their roses wilt as Law claimed you all for his own

Crocodile

Grown, malding ass man

You don't hear much of Crocodile's annoyance outwardly but it's clear in the way he gives you the cold shoulder and attempts to wins your affections back later with presents - gifts to your liking

Pretty much the only thing he can guarantee to provide you with his immense government-backed warlord wealth; but now some schmuck on the street thinks they can do him one better with their petty flowers and chocolates? Preposterous

Crocodile would give you entire libraries, spiral staircase to a comfy lair underground and all, if you just asked - he'd make you work tirelessly for this favor and hold it over your head at most opportunities, sure, but point is you'd still be getting it

The foolish shows of their affections through material goods was one thing, but what made Crocodile's blood singe with anger the most was those sweet-talkers; insipid little assholes trying to steal your love attention away from him with bullshit poems, flirty lines from a cheesy pick-up book that somehow has the gall to make you laugh at times from their charmingly awkward delivery

Pre-Strawhats and his dethroning, Crocodile had more than enough manpower and influence to simply make these people go away, vanished into the night, never to be seen again - you had half a mind of what was going on, noticing a handful of locals disappearing from your usual hangouts, but Mr. 0 was somewhat of a mansplain manipulator sweet-talker himself and surrounded by the luxury that you were, paid little mind to the semantics of these things

Post-timeskip, however, after both of you have had time to acclimate to the rough life on the sea again and shake off the lethargy from living in such comfort things are a little different

Crocodile has, surprisingly, mellowed out a little; ie he simply doesn't have time to be that ass mad about someone attempting to shoot their shot with a gorgeous man with the pursuit of infamy and power once again in his main sights - but the open knowledge that you are his man being out there yet these fools still try to push their luck does roil his stomach at times

Old habits and whatnot, no hard feelings 💕

Zoro

Honestly? He didn't pay much mind to it, not that it'd bother Zoro much if he did, though

People think his partner's hot? Fuck yeah, that just means Zoro scored with a smoke show before anyone else could and he's extremely proud of that fact

Zoro can ignore the stragglers trying to woo you with sweet words and free food is an added bonus because he knows he's free to steal bites off your plate, even though Sanji yells at you two about spoiling your meals

He knows you're fully capable of turning down some wise-guy ballsy enough to think they'd be good enough to be your potential suitor so until it's indicated otherwise, he's perfectly comfortable taking a load off on one of the benches while you leave your shopping bags with him to guard

What does make Mr. Demon of the East Blue a little antsy, though, is how physical some of these folks can get - yes, you're an adult man and a pirate at that, but the way certain people sidle up to you made the hairs on his neck stand on end and, had Zoro been more 'beastly' like his rumors implied, bare his fangs

A woman makes herself a little too comfortable on your arm, a man puts his around your shoulder in that cheesy yawning motion everyone's seen a hundred times, Zoro's immediately to his feet and grouchily saying that you have to leave with him now

It's adorable to see him getting so worked up, the ardent scowl on his face not just your marimo's resting expression and instead an active show of his irritation - you laugh it off later, easing Zoro's embarrassed flush with gentle coos while he reassures himself by running callous hands down the strong muscles of your back

[sp1rit-realm]

༻¨*:· 𝐈’𝐌 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘 ·:*¨༺

༻¨*:· summary ·:*¨༺ you have feelings for remus, he's dating someone else

༻¨*:· notes ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 implied that reader has a period 𖦹 fem!reader (she/her pronouns) 𖦹 a-a-a-angst 𖦹 sad 𖦹 unrequited love 𖦹 im sorry 𖦹 BIG THANKS TO @ay0nha FOR HELPING ME WITH THIS CONCEPT 𖦹 i did not proofread this bc i'm lazy ⎝(ˊᗜˋ)⎠

༻¨*:· word count ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 736

Thalia giggles at something Remus said for the fifth time in ten minutes—that's one giggle every two minutes. You stare daggers at her as the sweet, sticky sound bubbles out her mouth like boiling water. Warm and soothing and everything your wheezing laughs weren't. 

Your eyes shoot to Sirius as he kicks your leg from beneath the table. "What?" You mouth with a harsh stare.

"You look like you're about to kill her," He mouths back with raised brows.

You only roll your eyes in return.

Somewhere between the seventh and the tenth giggle, you decide to leave. You can't bear seeing how Remus looks at her with such adoration.

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

"What was yesterday about?" Sirius asks at breakfast.

You feign innocence, "What are you talking about?"

"You looked like you were about to choke out goldie locks. Jealous she's spending time with Remus?" He suggests.

"Ha!" You bark out, "Jealous. What a funny concept. You know, Sirius, you should consider a comedy career."

But Sirius is not laughing—he's looking at you with those eyes you've seen far too many times now. You saw them when he asked if you cheated on your charms test when you were twelve. You saw them when he asked if you were an animagus when you were fifteen. You saw them when he asked if your date with that boy from Ravenclaw went well. You've seen them every time you've lied to him. You see them now.

"Fuck you," You mutter—he catches it anyway.

"Tell him."

"There's nothing to tell, Sirius."

He only shakes his head in return.

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

You feel a wave of sadness crash over you when you see Thalia at Remus's side once again. You're supposed to be there. That's your spot, you think.

Thalia looks to see who's entered the common room, and she flashes you a warm smile, waving her hand in a signal for you to sit with your friends.

You shake your head, and she raises an eyebrow in suspicion. You point to your stomach, "Period," You mouth. She nods in understanding.

Then, you catch Sirius's eye. He stares in disappointment as you walk away.

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

"Has anyone seen y/n?" Remus asks at breakfast—you've been avoiding him.

"I just saw her in the halls on the way here," Frank speaks up, "She said she was going to the library."

"I'm going to look for her." He stands up, then turns to Thalia, "See you soon, love." James pretends to throw up when he kisses her cheek.

"I just saw you being sweet on Evans, mate. Don't act all high and mighty," Sirius chips in.

But you're not in the library, and you're not at any of your usual spots.

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

It's been days since Remus has spoken to you, and he's only growing more restless.

"Every time I see her, she runs away," He sighs.

"I'm sorry, my love," Thalia frowns, rubbing Remus's back.

"I'm gonna go for a smoke," He stands up and leaves the common room.

Remus goes to the courtyard—it's your guys' smoking place. He finds you there, head in your hands.

"Y/n?" He asks, and you look at him with shocked eyes, like the idea of him talking to you—seeing you—was preposterous.

"You're avoiding me," Remus says, finally cornering you.

"No, I'm not." You deny, standing up.

"Oh, come on, y/n. Do you think me that daft? I can tell you're avoiding me. Why?"

You take a deep breath, willing tears not to fall, "Because of her."

"Who?" 

'You're clueless,' You think.

"Thalia."

"What about her? You don't like her?"

And you can hear the fear in his voice—the fear that his best friend doesn't approve of the one he loves.

"She's amazing, Remus." Your voice wavers, and then it dawns on Remus. His face falls, and you know it's over.

"I'm sorry," He rushes out, "I'm so sorry."

And that's when the tears fall, "Don't be sorry, Remus."

"I'm sorry," He repeats, and you catch on to the look in his eyes. 

"Don't pity me, Remus."

"I don't!" He argues, "I'm just... I'm sorry."

"I wish you could love me," You whisper, looking into his eyes, heart breaking even more as you see their unshed tears.

"I do love you," He insists, "Just not in the way you need me to."

"Why?" You cry, "Why can't you just love me?"

"I— I wish I had a reason."

"It's okay, Remus."

"I'm sorry."

thank you so much for reading, lovely!

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[bl00dlight]

Helaemond antis gotta be some of the most boring bitches

All they do is complain and gaslight us all into think we are delusional for picking up what the actors legit did themselves

Hmmmmmmmmmmm yessss I think alot of the antis come down to two camps;

-book purist reddit dudes

-self inserter girlies who love alysmond/helaegon

Prove me wrong.

Yea yea yea there are other bullshit excuses people might give. And sure they may be valid. But both Alys x Aemond and Helaena x Aegon are SIGNIFICANTLY more like... morally questionable. Oh okay, so we got the 40-400 year old witch who may or may not be a master manipulator fucking an 17-18 year old who is criminally insane and possibly has taken her as a sex slave after Ethnically cleansing her entire House, whom he also abandons and then decides to come back for as an afterthought...

And we got the martial rape/neglect poster Child Aegon who rapes young serving girls paired with the deeply traumatised Helaena.

And yet the idea of the doomed bpd Aemond x his prophetic neurodivergent sister where they find a shared understanding of being deeply neglected and then she watches him descend into darkness despite the fact he still ultimately loves and care for her - so basically.... Padame and ANAKIN LMAOOO or half the books popular on tik tok.

That is the one which is egregious? The only ship which has been even acknowledged by the actors to have weight in the theory that Helaena and Aemond share a bond? I mean like the show itself validates us, young aemond wishing he was betrothed to her, defending Helaena, the actors implementing the character relationships, the fact Aemond is the one to even clock Helaena is a dragon dreamer - the entire balcony scene.... also remember all those pre show leaks that discussed Aemond x Helaena x Aegon being in a Aemon x Naerys x Aegon parallel and uhhh young Aemond leaks about him supposedly being in love with his sister on the character descriptions?

Like there is plenty there for people to grasp onto lmao.

I think people were really fucked off about the whole 'the kids were his' thing, but personally I just thought that was fun speculation. Fan theories are a staple in this world? Also personally I've seen very few Helaemonds who died on the hill without question the kids were his.

Helaemond is probably the least insane ship, espeically when you think about the fact people ship.... Luke and Aemond.... uhhhh. Also... Aegon and Aemond. Idk about yall, I don't really think I've ever seen a moment between Aemond where he reasonably loved either Aegon or Luke. But he did move in front of Helaena when Rhaneys attacked the dragonpit... so... and he also did say as a kid he lowkey would marry her. And then also begged her to come with him to Harrenhal. So clearly there is uhhh some connection.

People also act as though the idea of Aemond and Helaena is so preposterous as if the entire show isn't about hypocrisy and external martial affairs.

They also act as though Targaryen siblings ain't constantly been getting into messy ass love triangles where they sucking or ATTEMPTING to suck and fuck one or both. Cough cough.

Visenya x Aegon x Rhaenys

Bittersteal x Sheira x Bloodraven

Aegon x Naerys x Aemon

And honourable mention to Baelon x Alyssa + this diva Viserra trying to suck and FUCK on Baelon???

So like.... not really so sure how it's such an outrageous concept.

Again most of the time the critiques of the ship aren't valid other than the fact that 'It isn't canon' - but it's like what the fuck constitutes as canon? And why does it only apply to Helaemond. No one cares that Rhaenyra x Alicent isn't canon. No one cares that Rhaenyra x Mysaria isn't canon. Daemon x Alys isn't canon AT ALL, like Daemon legit doesn't think twice about Alys. And Helaena and Aegon aren't canon either - they are just in a fucken marriage with each other to which the actors have stated they don't really love each other? So is it a canon romance? No. Are they married? Yes. But Rhaenyra and Laenor were married too, I don't see anyone shipping them.

I legit don't care who people ship. But it's always obvious it's a THEM thing when they haven't got any real points other than virtue signalling or just being hateful. Like I said, Helaemond is probably the least problematic logistically. And is not out of the question in world (as said by the actors and proof by canon have it be a theme amongst targ siblings). They mad cause they jealous, they mad cause it doesn't align with THEIR personal wants/desires etc.

For example you cant sit here and tell me Alys is a healthier choice for Aemond or Aegon a healthier choice for Helaena? At worst it's equal. So anyone who pretends to give a fuck is just like... annoying.

Which is a big factor. Many in this fandom are annoying as fuck. They are rude to actors, rude to other fans, hateful, and take it so seriously that it literally sucks the joy from it. Like seriously, it's not that fucken deep and people DO need to chill. I've seen fans on twitter get called BAD PEOPLE for shipping Helaena and Aemond??? Like that's crazy.

I'll sit here and admit I love toxic and messy ships cause it's interesting. I don't fucken like boring fluff. Go watch Bridgerton or whatever the fuck, HOTD is not for those ships. So it would be alot more fun if people would just admit to wanting to see some messy and fun shit instead of posturing morality over fictional magical dragon flying people.

The point is, people hate Helaemond because it has the most plausibility in the show to become a thing. And it did. People don't get that most Helaemonds don't really care nor did we expect a romance. We just wanted interaction with subtext... and uh.... we won. Hoes mad on tumblr cause they wanna self insert. Hoes mad on reddit cause they wanted a documentary instead of a prime time TV show.

But helaemond?

We won. Pay them no mind. We been out here doing it for helamond and they mad cause it worked.

Oop..