#what a love hate relationship with morgana lol

[x1e3ju]

im replaying persona as my sister sees it for the first time (yes, i am that annoying abt my fixations) and i didnt even realize there was so much nuiance with morgana’s character that went soo untouched (and lots of hypocrisies with akechi’s on the other hand lol) im not the biggest fan of morgana and his character, i dont rly like his dialogue most of the time and i dont believe his little moment that completely stripped haru of her’s was necessary or needed at all. i very much believed and still do that his character should’ve been more plot heavy instead of feeling like a character side plot since he’s like. connected to everything. and akira's fate with yaldabaoth and all that, i dont like how they handled him a lot but seeing some of his dialogue when they started handling his story more it makes me think damn i rly wish his character development wouldve been more plot heavy cuz it feels way too well with the storyline and the message of the story.

i attached some screenshots i got from playing the game (taking them was very humbling lmao) and UGH, there’s nothing more i hate than unexplored nuiances. and i rly hate it because the only reason why p5 falls so flat bc of how anime-y they tried to be, seeing the first 3 games the nuiances flowed rly well bc the games rly had that indie feel that rly tied everything together in a rly nice way, yk?

i think morgana’s rly annoying desire to be human fits so well into the plot bc it builds this sense of perfection morgana feels he needs to build, the ultimate form of a being due to society’s confused manifestions. society has built this “ideal human” that even other humans dont feel they fit, and i say this knowing well that idea myself. but morgana feels farther from it bc well, yk. and i wish they wouldve expanded more on that and it even goes well with my own headcanons lol but even morgana’s human form is like. complete stereotypes of like everything ever, knowing damn well if morgana was human he would NOT look like that but that couldve been an even bigger conversation to bring into the picture, if atlus wasnt such a horrible company like many of them are. and that idea is even brought up in p2 with eikichi and cozy and even a bit with lisa but switched around. for some reason? its weird but its things i wish this game had nuiance for as well. smaller conversations in practice but things that can be even more established in theory.

ok so thats all i rly wanted to shed some light on lol, thought it was something very note worthy. now im back to playing it with my sister lol

[like-sands-of-time]

All right heres the thing that's been bugging me since I watched season four.

I love morgana in season one. I find her introduction absolutely fascinating. She feels like a very important character, but we don't know how yet. I love that we see her picking fights with Uther from the first, for it to all culminate in her attempting to kill him by the first season finale, all in a way that is so believable and sympathetic to me (and Merlin) that I was honestly hoping Merlin would just, slip on one of those hills and watch her kill him, because we now know three characters who wouldnt mourn the loss of the king. Who are angry at him for the unforgivable things he's done even recently. At that point arthur is most willing to work with magic and common men, and morgana (with Merlin) have had a clear impact on his growth as a man. I love that.

I... Don't see the rest of the shows arc (s3 and on) as believable for who she was then. I'm sorry but either she was caring about the citizens of Camelot and their suffering, or it was all a lie, that doesn't go away just because you're angry at one guy. I'll leave that alone, it's for another time. BUT. even if they wanted to show that dragons have free will and could befriend who they wished, regardless of dragon blood, I still don't think the entirety of that season makes any sense.

Why would Merlin have hatched the egg right then if he wasn't willing or able to raise the hatchling? They said multiple times the egg would last. And if Kilgharrah wasn't willing to raise the egg why did he convince Merlin to do it. It what world would the characters of Kilgharrah and Merlin as we know them at this point just leave an infant dragon to do it's own thing anyway? Let alone go work with a sorceress they believe to be evil consumed. That.... Doesn't make sense. Not even in a tragic but realistic way, it just simply doesn't make sense to me. Merlin could have safely put the egg where Kilgharrah used to be imprisoned if no one visits there, or Kilgharrah could have found another cave or safe place to keep it. Those make sense. Hatching it only to both leave and forget about the child doesn't really make sense for either of them?

The writers wanted morgana to have a dragon ally, be an equal to Merlin visually in their ultimate fight, and I get it....... but make Aithusa choosing morgana make sense. Develop their relationship in any way..? And while we're at it make morgana trying repeatedly to kill Arthur make any sense because it the show I watched I never saw any reason for her to want anything other than 1) uther dead and 2) magic free in Camelot once more. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE. You can't have characters just Do Things because you want them to happen lmao that's not how people work.

This show loves to tell me instead of showing me. I know what they want me to think because they make it glaringly freaking obvious but I'm sorry .. you have to actually develop character arcs or relationships (whether it's between a dragon and the main villain, or Arthur and Guinevere, because sunbursts and cute music isn't doing anything for me lol. They didn't even develop lance either. She had two love interests shown to us and we just have to use our imagination I guess.

Idk, write morgana to be the darkest, cruellest, most insane bitch you want that's fine with me. It's all medieval fanfiction but ... It has to be plausible. Give me any reason at all why bbc morgana hated Arthur or Camelot or Gwen or anything. Do tragic, do.. "she was always meant to be against him" if you must, but also? It's all fanfiction so have morgana being Arthurs sorceress .. powerful just like Merlin but in her own way and they're both loyal to Arthur.

[slic3d--br3ad]

Arcane Order Eli has been on my mind for a few years. Eli is one of my favorite characters and has been since I joined the fandom sometime after season 2 aired; he's baby, yk? Bellroc and Skrael are sexy so full of potential that got crushed with the movie's release, which fuels my love for them. It's only natural I'd want to pair them up, which is challenging when Eli hasn't interacted with any of them in canon.

When it comes to Eli actually joining them, I've been stuck on what makes this twist of fate liable. The Arcane Order hates humanity, why would they accept this rando kid as one of them? Eli has probably the most sunny disposition of the cast, how on this green Earth would he get along with Bellroc and Skrael?

Now I'm at the point where I can post a concept that I agree with, though it surely needs some tweaks.

Eli's Side

• As we've seen at the ending of RotT, Toby isn't nearly as assertive against Steve's bullying and this continues for quite a bit even after becoming the Trollhunter. As a consequence, Steve doubles down on his bullying because no one has the nerve to humble him. Eli and Steve never become close enough to become the Creepslayerz and their relationship rots after they're paired together by Jim, who, missing the finer details of their friendship, assumes that they will become close eventually.

• Because they aren't friends, Eli doesn't bond with the Royals; he instead sees them as his bully's girlfriend/the girlfriend's brother, prompting him to keep them at arm's length for his own safety. Krel becomes the one to bond with Steve the most, though he vetos being called a Creepslayer lol.

• After being brought into the Guardians, his friendships don't seem to extend beyond talking at school. He obviously doesn't vibe with Steve, but Eli doesn't have a chance with the tight-knit Toby Trio. Douxie, Zoe, and Claire are the resident Wizards, and Eli obviously doesn't have magic(yet). Krel, being a tech genius, provides all the technological knowledge the group needs which makes his computer skills lackluster in comparison.

• Key events that previously led to Eli's discovery of the supernatural are disrupted; Jim already knows about Bular and the changelings using the museum, so there's no need to stake out Eli's house when he shows everyone the picture of the dead goblin. Toby can't keep a secret as cool as being able to form a suit of armor with a magical amulet (despite Jim's best effort lol) and manages to humble Steve sometime after Bular's defeat. Toby becomes Steve's go-to for reporting supernatural incidents, like the wild goblin in his garage. With no one believing him, Eli ultimately gives up on his conspiracy theories, instead opting for small self-improvement, like indulging in his love for scriptwriting or jogging at night.

• The supernatural worlds are gradually revealed to the public by Toby and Co., which leaves a bitter taste in Eli's mouth when he receives no credit for making his discoveries before them.

• All in all, Eli is left feeling unappreciated and isolated; Toby still entrusted a Troll Market key to him but Eli doesn't utilize it much and keeps his distance from their missions.

Arcane Order's Side

• Merlin, the only one aware of Jim's status as a time traveler, utilizes Jim's memories of the alternate universe to convince Morgana that she's on the wrong side of history so she deflects from the Order and kills her mind-broken brother to put him out of his misery. Whether time-travel shenanigans take place or not is in the air right now.

• Douxie levels up and KO's Bellroc and Skrael, the Guardians win, Merlin lives, the city remains under their protection, and the Arcane Order scurry away to plot for another 900 years...supposedly.

• Bellroc feels an odd connection to the town(actually the Heartstone below the town that they managed to briefly connect with in the movie) and risks their discovery to relocate their damaged ship behind the mountain and fix it up.

• Bellroc has generally been preoccupied with chasing Camelot around and has little time to indulge in hobbies; Skrael has slightly more freedom to chillax. As they hadn't quite written out the kinks in a wonky fixer-upper spell, Bellroc is drained after repairing the castle and comically tucks in for a week-long nap.

• Skrael takes it upon himself to explore their surroundings and perhaps find Nari in the town. Speaking of Nari, her magic signature is dulled with a device that Krel creates for her safety. Not even Merlin can track her while she wears the collar device so he decides that there's no need for her to flee while Douxie is around to keep his eye on her in the safety of Arcadia. Nari feels owned grateful for Merlin's wisdom and generosity and, while she has to keep a low profile and Merlin advises her against using her magic, she enjoys her time with the kiddos.

• The Arcane Order is now without a Champion and an Enforcer, while Nari shows no interest in returning to them; things 're tough for them at the moment.

• In hindsight, a mind-broken, undead king and a witch who worked for them on emotional impulse weren't the most ideal candidates to employ.

• What they really need is someone who's ready and willing to learn from them and fight for their cause with their own free will, but fat chance of that happening anytime soon lol.

Meeting

Their story starts after the battle between the Arcane Order and the Guardians of Arcadia, which happened around the same time as it happened in Wizards. Obviously, Eli doesn't become the ambassador of Akiridian-5 and only has surface-level knowledge of the events.

Eli finds Skrael entirely by accident while running in the forest, still habitually accustomed to staying up late working on his conspiracy board; when Skrael tries to leave, he grabs onto them and is teleported to the castle. This wakes Bellroc, who's a little peeved at being disturbed two days into their nap and is like "!!????"

Eli is not aware that they are the ones who caused a bunch of damage to the town recently. Seeing the majesty of their newly repaired castle is the tipping point Eli needs to finally geek out over something supernatural after restraining himself for months.

He fawns over the castle, strokes their egos a bit (which saves his life, because it's a smidge harder to kill someone who's being nice to them), and asks them if someone like him has any chance at learning magic.

Bellroc and Skrael are baffled at this twist of fate and while they certainly debate killing him, they drop it after Eli innocently tells them that he's a part-timer for the Guardians(and if they are lost wizards needing advice from the Great and All-Powerful Merlin then he can work something out blahblahblah).

Offing the guy would risk Merlin's suspicion and him striking them in a weakened state would be a major blow, like kicking a wasp's nest.

Sleepy Bellroc isn't really in their right mind but nonetheless has an idea and decides the best way to get rid of this human without homicide is by accepting his request to learn magic.

No, really.

Sleepy Bellroc plays along with his delusion of magical expertise and, after giving him a few dozen sheets that make up a single beginner's spell, makes him an offer: if he learns that spell within the week, less than five days at this point, entirely by himself, Bellroc will accept him as their apprentice. If he fails, however, he has to consent to a memory wipe of the past week and get lost. Eli accepts.

Skrael, in shock at Bellroc's supposed generosity, looks over this "beginner's spell" they gave to the boy. He quickly picks up on Bellroc's trickery and wishes Eli the best of luck before taking him back to the forest.

What Eli doesn't know is that the papers (translated to English for his convenience) are actually the directions for performing a combat spell that even young master wizards can have trouble with; about as far from the basics as a wizard can get. In other words, Eli will fail no matter how hard he tries and get his memory wiped and probably chucked off a small cliff to pass off his memory loss as an accident. Skrael can't wait to bear witness to the greatest prank ever.

Unfortunately, they severely underestimate Eli's reawakened enthusiasm for the supernatural and intense desire to belong in a group. Fueled on nothing but coffee, dreams, and that happy feeling of having passion for something new, he manages to awaken the magic inside him. Accident, or perhaps fate?

With a rough estimate from Douxie (who takes his secrecy at face value and innocently wants him to succeed) that a new spell on a beginner's level takes a few hours to around 3 days to learn, Eli manages to pull it off within 4 days, just hours before his deadline. All in all, Bellroc is pissed at his success but doesn't want to pull back on a promise. Skrael just thinks it's hysterical that Bellroc's trick completely backfired on them and is engaged in the progress of his companion's bizarre new apprentice.

Bellroc's method of "teaching", while unorthodox and not at all providing their desired result, has some basis in reality: not specifying to someone that a task is supposed to be "hard" can increase the likelihood that they can complete that task with little struggle. (Get Anyone To Do Anything! David J. Lieberman!) This doesn't work on everyone but it worked on Eli lol.

[lesbian-in-leather]

For the fandom ships ask; Merlin, and Once upon a time?

Oooh thank you!!

Merlin

OTP: This is not going to be the popular choice but honestly,,, Merlin/Morgana. I think they had such a facinating dynamic and I would have loved to see the writers follow through with it, especially in the later series. Doomed from the start and intrinsically linked, everyone telling him it's a bad idea for different reasons, everyone telling her she couldn't possibly be with him........ yeah, that's the good shit

Favourite canon pairing: Arthur and Gwen were SO cute and I'm happy for them (and their third, Merlin)

Worst pairing ever: Gwen/Lancelot, specifically when he got back because obviously. He wasn't him, she was spelled, and worst of all, there was never any resolution. Still haunted by the fact that everyone expect Merlin (including Gwen herself) really thinks she just. Cheated on Arthur. Heartbreaking

Guilty pleasure pairing: Morgana and Gwen <3 They're so cute and also the HEARTBREAK,,, when Morgana comes back and Gwen pretends to still be her friend and,,,,,,,,, THEM. The guilty part comes from the fact that I know a lot of this ship comes form the "get the women out of the way for mlm ship" mentality, but that's obviously not why I like it soooooo

A pairing you want to see more: Honestly both Morgana/Gwen and Merlin/Morgana. I know everyone loves Arthur/Merlin and they ARE fuckin valid and cute, but I really feel more people should multi-ship because Merlin has SUCH good dynamics with other people, and despite people *saying* they ship Morgana/Gwen there is a suspicious lack of content for them

That pairing everyone likes but you’re like “lol no”: Honestly I feel like I haven't spent enough time in the fandom for this?? I can't think of any, but that might just be because, again, I am a shameless multi-shipper and polyam enjoyer

Favourite non-romantic pair: Gwen and Merlin! I know they had a lil fling early on, but they became such a solid platonic duo and also I think it'd be really funny when they just casually mention that one time they kissed. Everyone would be scandalous (Arthur especially. "What do you mean you kissed Merlin before me??")

Once Upon a Time

OTP: Swanqueen!!!!! Obviously. They were in LOVE and I will DIE on this hill

Favourite canon pairing: Okay okay okay I know this is controversial BUT. For the reasons of "I enjoy fucked up people and their fucked up dynamics" ........Rumple/Evil Queen

Worst pairing ever: Robin/Regina. I liked that she was happy and that's about the only good thing I have to say about it like,,, come on. I just. Why

Guilty pleasure pairing: Okay okay hear me out. Captain Hook/Evil Queen. I just feel like, in the enchanted forest,,,,,,,, some shit happened. And I also think it makes their dynamic funnier when they meet again in Storybrook (see the non-romantic pair)

A pairing you want to see more: Ruby/Belle! Ruby was obviously fruity af and I always thought they'd be a cute couple but there is. not much support there lmao

That pairing everyone likes but you’re like “lol no”: Honestly? Belle/Rumple. She deserved better! Girlie was NOT down with the atrocities and they were wayyyy too much a part of him. Every time he tried to twist himself in knots to be a Good Person (especially when he was the Dark One?? Like, we saw with Emma, it was such a strong compulsion warping their minds, he very much tried to resist it but he also. Literally couldn't. The fuckin saviour couldn't like why are you blaming him) and failed, she'd get so mad and leave and then,,,, the writers would throw them back together again. Like lads. Let them go. Please

Favourite non-romantic pair: Regina/Killian. I think their interactions were SO fucking funny and she hated him so much. The bullying. The nicknames. Him sitting there like a wet cat. His best scenes were when he was alone with her and wish we'd lent into that instead of pushing his ~relationship~ with Emma

Send me a fandom and I'll answer these questions!

[greenunoreversecard]

Hi! So, I've been playing IF's recently, and stumbled along Bastard of Camelot! And I decided, why not make some picrews and show of my character and dragon? (Well, one of my Mordred's, I have many seeing as I've been religiously playing this lol)

But, anywho! My mordred!

<find the picrew here>

A description of my character (copy pasted)

You're rather honest, unlike what people would expect out of Morgana's child. When it comes to confidence, you're rather lacking. You tend to be cautious. You keep your calm. Kindness is seldom offered to you, but you try to be kind. Unlike Morgana, you keep your head bowed, not looking for trouble. You usually bottle up your emotions, but sometimes they surface. You're affable and friendly, greeting people with a smile.

A description of your skills

Magic knowledge: You've taken an interest in magic, outside of your own affinity.

Le Fay magic: You have a good grasp on your magic, not letting emotions influence it.

Pendragon magic: You can talk to dragons, telepathically or in their tongue, and find it easy to summon fire.

Magic of the Lady of the Lake: You're rather skilled.

Swordsmanship: You wield the sword with confidence - working hard on honing your skills till they're as sharp as your blade.

Persuasion: You've learnt that a few well placed words can get you far, but you're still working on it.

Intimidation: You can be rather intimidating, but you're still working on it.

Romance: She thought she had a crush on Gawain, but was astoundingly wrong and thus the two are now just good friends. She had found Galahad super cool and intriguing when the both of them met, and cannot seem to get his eyes out of her mind, but cannot fathom why.. (hmm I wonder-) Maybe it's because shes dead set on proving him wrong about her? (bahaha, you oblivious fuck)

And how does she get along with the others, you ask? (All copy pasted)

Morgana Le Fay:Your relationship is cold and distant. Everything you've come to learn has dug a deeper, wider chasm between the two of you.

King Arthur:You love Arthur and always eagerly await his next letters and visits.

Accolon:You used to be so close - now your trust in him is shattered.

Gareth:He loves you dearly. He's always there for you.

Duke Lot:His hate for you is getting tiring; all you wish is to avoid him as best you can.

Nimue:As little children, you used to be friends.

Gawain:The two of you are good friend, sending each other letters all the time.

Galahad:You turned his world upside down, making him question what he's been told of you.

Elaine:She considers you a friend - you've been one of the best parts of coming to Lothia.

And my dragon companion, Finneas!

<find the picrew here>

A description of Finneas's personality

Finneas is playful and prone to mischief.

A description of Finneas's skills

Fighting: If playful scuffles count as fighting.

Speed: Isn't slower than their dragon peers.

Anywho, it's a lot of fun so go ahead and check it out on itch!!

[faradaykay]

HERE IS MY UP-TO-DATE P5R CHARACTER RANKING bc i think it will be funny if i post this now and then come back when i am later in the game and see that my opinions were severely bad and wrong. also i am doing phantom thieves only (but know shiho would be second if she were in the ranking)

(DISCLAIMER: you cannot get mad at me for my opinion on people who have not showed up yet okay. i have been avoiding spoilers and i know nothing about them so i just know what has happened IN THE GAME SO FAR. also very long post i went off about some people sorry about that)

1. ANN TAKAMAKI - MY GIRL OF ALL TIME. what can i say, i love myself a silly blonde girl. i think my favorite thing about ann is how she’s portrayed as both strong and emotional - she is consistently shown to be resilient, capable, and tough, but she also deals with her emotions in the same way that a teenage girl in her position would. it makes me happy to see that bc not a lot of characters get that right and i hate seeing emotional girls always being the pathetic ones. also i know she’s not canonically sapphic but she does feel very deliberately sapphic to me if that makes sense. having it be canon would be nice, but in a way, the fact that her and shiho have a very sapphic relationship without it being called that reflects what being young and confused about sexuality is like. it’s very common among teenage lesbians, and i know it probably wasn’t the devs’ intention to accurately portray sexuality confusion, but they did a good job of it on accident regardless. anyways i love and adore ann i am hugging her hugging her hugging her and pressing her lips to shiho's as if they're barbies

2. haru okumura - OKAY LOOK. LOOK. i know she hasn't shown up... i know she hasn't said anything besides that one time i saw her in the hallway and she talked about plants to a random teacher for 10 seconds... I KNOW BUT BUT SHE'S SO SKRUNKLY LOOK AT HER. she is so soft looking so silly looking i want to hug her so much. i am reserving this second place spot for her, if it turns out i don't like her as much as i thought then that's fine but nobody knows Girl Of All Time Vibes better than me and she has them

3. yusuke kitagawa - YUSUKE MY BEST FRIEND YUSUKE. I LOVE AND ADORE HIM SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH... i honestly didn't expect to like yusuke when he first showed up but as soon as he spoke i was like. oh. Oh This Guy. LIKE HE'S SO SILLY he makes me giggle with how he's just so like. WEIRD. but i genuinely don't see how people find him creepy - the fact that he doesn't have any harmful intentions is very clear and he's just a guy who fumbles every social interaction he's ever in and i want to be his best friend for it I LOVE HIM.

4. ryuji sakamoto - I LOVE RYUJI HE'S SUCH A GUY TO ME i love him being best friends with ann and i love his stupid comments he is so funny fr

5. morgana - EVERYONE'S SO MEAN TO MY SILLY KITTY GUY... usually mascot characters like him are super annoying but i fuckin LOVE morgana he's so funny and adorable. i wanna cuddle him THE KITTY EVER

6. kasumi yoshizawa - she's really cute and sweet! the fact that i don't have anything besides that to say about her is why she isn't higher on the list lol

7. akira kurusu - he's a Guy. i like him as a protag, he has dialogue options that don't make me wanna rip my hair out and he had the emotional intelligence to comfort ann without making me want to be like "YOU'RE FUMBLING THIS FR SHUT UP STOP TALKING LET ME TALK TO HER" so i like him. however he's just a guy that exists to me

8. futaba sakura - she's cute! but being a woman in stem is like. every girl i know irl is Like That so she doesn't feel very blorbo to me when she's just An Average Girl In My Comp Sci Class, yk? i might be more interested in her when i actually come across her tho

9. goro akechi - i don't care about him at all i want what he has tho (knows sae niijima personally)

10. makoto niijima - SORRY SORRYSORRYSORRY SORRY. i know this is anti-feminist of me and considering she's so well-liked i am sure i will change my mind on this based on later stuff in the game. but MAN. her attitude is absolutely rancid in the pre-second palace scenes........ LIKE i'm not even mad at her for selling out the phantom thieves bc i get that she's been blackmailed but she said something to akira about how she "didn't know if ann being a victim of kamoshida was all there was to it" naming ANN SPECIFICALLY and not akira or ryuji and like. GIRL WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING THERE WHY ARE YOU SINGLING OUT ANN i do not like the implications there they're Yucky!!! you can do what you have to do without being nasty to ann and mean Okay Thanks.

[marahuyos]

@jazzybug163​ asked: I would like to ask for Joker/Akira/Ren who is getting taken care of by S/O after a fight in metaverse (S/O is not a Phantom Thief).

akira kurusu x reader

tw: blood mention, like one suggestive line and that’s it lol

He never had welcomed the dusty smell of attic bed in his life since forever.

Dragging his battered body up the stairs after locking up the door, he made more mental tasks in his head. The recent trip in the Metaverse definitely boosted the Phansite by a good amount but he had to do better. He and his team had to do better. It’s not enough for baseless rumors to spread, they needed factual evidence to imprint the Phantom Thieves into society.

Alas, a bath first, he thinks. As Morgana slinked away from his bag, trudging tiredly up the stairs, he wondered if he would bother with taking a bath from how absolutely ragged he was until he spotted a familiar figure making themselves comfortable on his bed.

When you looked up from your phone, you furrowed your brows at your boyfriend’s ratty appearance before tossing your phone on the bed and standing up. “You look like you went through hell.”

He let out a small huff through his nose. “Nice to see you too, treasure.”

You rolled your eyes as you dragged him towards his bed. It worried you how easily you were able to drag him, knowing how stubborn the teen was, he would’ve put up more of a fight. While he was forcing himself to trudge towards his bed, you removed his uniform jacket and took his glasses away from him.

He snickered (and he totally didn’t regret the cramp coming from it). “Eager for me, treasure?”

“Eager for you to get better. Now sit down.”

With a wince, he sat down on the bed and, with some help from him, you removed his top and left him shirtless. You bit your lip at the sight of the violent purple marks (and is that a line? Across his stomach?), the worry inside your chest growing more and more into a flowering blossom of anxiety when you realize that he’s faced these... monstrosities in another world for a long while.

“I hate it when you go home like this, you know.” You said softly, getting the first aid kit and emptying the contents like it were muscle memory (which, to be honest, was true at this point).

He didn’t say anything, letting you do the work of mending him back together when Dia spells weren’t enough. In total silence, aside from the prattling of nightlife outside the café and his occasional wincing from the tending of bruises, the air was both calm and tense.

“I know you want to protect me from that place.” You continued, placing a bandage on his shoulder where there was a nasty red bruise. You leaned down, pressing your lips upon his bandaged shoulder, and you slightly smiled when you felt him shiver from your kiss. “But I don’t understand why would you want to do this alone.”

“I’m not alone,” he interjected, a hand crawling up to cup the back of your head, “I have my teammates with me.”

“Sorry, lemme rephrase.” You sighed out. “I don’t understand why you would shoulder everything like this.”

He paused, stilling himself as he thought about your question. This entire thing; your relationship, his probation, his isolation-all started with one selfless act. Would things have gone differently back then, had he done the usual way of how society faces confrontations by ignoring them? By ignoring what drama was in front of him in order to live inside his controlled space. Maybe then, he would have his life back and he wouldn’t be labeled as a no-good rotten criminal at the tender age of sixteen.

But, as he looked down upon you, your warmth encompassing his back as his body didn’t felt as battered as before, he would be willing to be labeled as a criminal just for him to fall in love with you again.

“It’s just how I am.” He said simply, tucking a finger and thumb underneath your chin to raise your head. He planted a small peck on your lips and he smirks lightly when he feels your warmth from your face.

“I do this all for you, my treasure. And I won’t regret anything at all.”

[andiwriteordie]

You should write the Merlin Byler au, I say, bc I'm a little shit like that 😘😘😘 . Imagine it, really, bc this means that, what, Nancy is Morgana? Will as Merlin, who literally never told anyone about his magic bc they all died (Lancelot doesn't count bc he died just like. Later. I have so many feelings about Lancelot ngl). Also Mike as Arthur, a pompous and arrogant prince who hates his dad but loves him but also hates him. He isn't sure how he feels about magic except that he's been told his entire life that it sucks. Also he gets insanely jealous that everyone likes his manservant more than him low-key. That's what he's jealous about, obviously, not the fact that he's in love with his servant pfft. He's a little silly smh

Then again, AUs don't have to be one-to-one, just like. Them in the universe... 🤔

Also also. I have Never watched Merlin (in full, I watched the first few eps) but I know. Everything that happened and read too many fics bout it??? Lancelot and Merlin friendship that Arthur is insanely jealous of is so funny to me wow

Man. Now I wanna read fics for Merlin again (the fic writers that kinda dragged me into the fandom deleted all of her fics rip)

OH I SEE THE VISION. I SEE THE VISION TOY!!!! UGH THAT WOULD BE SO FUN???

also i just am realizing. this would probably make el gwen because of the arthur/gwen relationship. and like i'm kinda giggling at the image of like... mike's closest friend having magic and also his girlfriend having magic. except will and el don't know the other one has magic either. magical threat comes up? and sometimes it gets dealt with, which is nice! will gets a break when el deals with it, and vice versa for el. they don't ever really question it, bless their hearts. mike definitely doesn't question it.

i feel like if i ever did do a merlin/byler kind of au, it wouldn't exactly be one to one because merlin is so niche, but just like... the concept and setting of merlin where magic is illegal and stuff, and will has to hide it from mike who's the prince, etc. etc. just all the goodness and angst that comes with the show but then adapted to fit the stranger things canon.

also hear me out: morgana!el because she gets manipulated by henry and/or brenner and truly believes what she's doing is right, but then through meeting like will and the others, she gets redeemed and helps save the day in the end? but also like. willel getting to fight with their magic before that happens would be so so so fun.

ok literally this is making me want to return to reading and writing merlin fics!!!! it's just so good!!!

(also yeah i watched part of merlin when i was like 12... and i was on tumblr when it ended and all that so i knew the plot and stuff... and then i just like fully watched it this past year, so i'm in my merlin renaissance this year lol)

[gwaine-lover]

Not sure if you know much about the side characters since I don't, but thought I'd try anyway so I'm clueless:

Who would you ship out of the following:

Any suggestions are helpful. Writing a reincarnation merlin fic is harder than I thought it would be, lol. Also love your blog.

Okay so I actually didn’t rememberd much about Vivian not under the spell so i went to watch this episode (as you can see from post i rebloged before answering xD). And i’m responding from my laptop now bc i’m still scrolling through ‘merlin 2x10′ tag at my phone.

So:

First and most important: leave my boy Lancelot be. #gayrights Only straight ship i see him in is Gwencelot (which i love with my whole heart).

LADY VIVIAN AND LEON. LADY VIVIAN AND LEON! Oh yeah this one. Definitely this one. With how she is annoying at the beginning of the episode he could be annoyed not only with knights at the daily basic but with her too. Absolutely amazing. I know he deserves a break from what he already has at his plate but we don’t have this in this fandom, oh we so don’t have it. And I’m so suprised by this ship and by how well they fit in my head.

But. We hear more than once in this episode that she is too young. For love and for knowing antyhing about it. So yeah, few years older Vivian, more mature, not so rude but still annoying. Perfect paring with Leon. You know hate-love relationship.

With Morgana this will work too. But this one from before she got evil not after.

Morgana and Leon? No, noooo, absolutely no.

Morgana and Lancelot? Which Morgana? Good one? Evil one? That’s hot. Not like Evil Gwen x Evil Lancelot hot, but hot too. They didin’t actually have any relation before 4x09 so i think exploring that with any of the combination could be interesting. (It’s still #gayrights for my boy at the top of the podium, with Gwencelot (any combination) at second, but yeah he and Morgana - they can have and definitley are 3rd place).

Vivian and Sophia. Well Sophia was charming and putting away her manipulating her father i really liked the girl. This could work good too. Ya know by now #gayrights :D

Vivian and Morgause? More like Morgause and Cenred. Thank you, goodnight.

*

Damn you’re really doing job with this fic! All that research, all that posts and asks. It’s really impressive right now for my lazy ass with writer’s block. I’m really curious what finally you will make from all of this. I have feeling that i will definitely come across this fic here on tumblr but if you could remember about me (send me a link or tag me under some post) when you publish i would be very thankful and happy to read that! And of course a lot of time, inspirations and ideas and good luck with all that!

[crypticpatterns]

@terumimi-your-snek-fren asked me to do Morgana for an ask game but instead I wrote a 1k meta on his character because I Be That Way. Anyway here's the original ask game the asker actually asked for (wow that's a lot of "ask"s)

Sorry it took me fucking forever to post this. *gestures vaguely at brainworms*

First Impression

I initially thought Morgana was a girl. Female voice actor + the name caught me totally off guard. Honestly, I lowkey sided with Ryuji with how confusing he was in his explanations of the metaverse. I don't know anything! Come on Morgana, get it together! I thought he was kinda cute in his cat form but his metaverse form weirded me out.

Impression Now

Morgana baby boy. It was a slow burn for me, slowly getting to appreciate him more and more. I never hated Morgana, and I love him now, but he's probably my least favorite Thief. (I adore all of them though so that's tough competition.) We love the character growth. I really wish he'd gotten to become a human.

Unpopular Opinion

Morgana's character is good, actually. His arc just suffers from poor writing at times. You can check out my more detailed thoughts on his arc here.

Favorite Moment

Morgana's speech to the Thieves after defeating Yaldabaoth, 100%.

Idea For A Story

Morgana accidentally runs into Goro Akechi a few months before the start of the game. Akechi is already well into his revenge plot at this point but this stupid kitty keeps yelling at him about his super cool and secretive plan to start a troupe of Phantom Thieves who steal hearts and Goro is having absolutely none of it. Morgana is a little weirded out by all the murders but eh, it's not like he targets innocents (for the most part), and Shido kinda deserves it. The revenge plot seems kinda stupid though.

Morgana and Akechi decide to work together for their own selfish purposes but really they just secretly enjoy each other's company. They appreciate how they each hold no pretenses of liking the other and are very upfront about using each other for their own gain. They're both fucking liars.

Morgana drags Akechi into Kamoshida's Palace at some point against his will and they both end up imprisoned this time. Joker and Ryuji find this teen in a black emo outfit arguing loudly with a monster cat and have no idea what to make of this.

Akechi: Look what you got us into now, cat.

Morgana: I am NOT a CAT! Besides, you're the one who marched straight up to Kamoshida's shadow and called him various names I won't repeat!

Akechi: We wouldn't be here at all if you hadn't dragged me here! And I would've gotten away had you not let those shadows knock you down.

Morgana: You could've just left me. It's what I would have done.

Akechi: Shut the FUCK up, CAT.

Ryuji, from outside the cell: What the HELL?!

Morgana:

Akechi:

Morgana and Akechi, simultaneously: I know, right?! The absolute gall!

Ryuji: A talking MONSTER CAT?!

Anyway Akechi joins the Thieves during Kamoshida's Palace and has a slow burn redemption arc against his will, all thanks to that stupid effing cat.

Favorite Relationship

Morgana and Haru! They're so sweet and definitely don't get enough on screen interactions with each other. Mona wouldn't let anyone call him Mona-chan unless it's Haru, lol. Their showtime is adorable.

Favorite Headcanon

Morgana's human form is a 12 year old boy. I need this in my life so bad.

[worldstogetlostin]

Happy Blorbo Blursday, friend! Here’s a little question for you:

Are your OCs kind to themselves? Why or why not? And if so, what’s the nicest thing they’ve ever done for themselves?

Happy Blorbo Blursday, friend! Thank you for the ask! (this got so long I'm sorry)

Unfortunately, I do tend to write characters who either have an iffy relationship with self-love, or just hate themselves lmao (we're not gonna look too deeply into that).

I'll give you a quick rundown on the main cast of the Chaos Crew to answer your question:

Rowan - came from the least wealthy background and always felt self-conscious about it. Sees himself as less-than the others, so always pushes himself too hard to try and prove something to himself. He can acknowledge that he is a good blacksmith, though, and he's probably nicest to himself when he's considering his own good work in that regard.

Kara - probably has the best sense of self of the bunch. Her misery is mostly directed at the outside world, not entirely at herself. However, she does sturggle to actively think about what positivity she contributes to the world, and so while she isn't particularly unkind to herself, she's not really kind, either.

Joseph - this poor bean literally never thiks he's good enough, mostly because of the crushing weight of expectation that's been put on him as the strongest of the group. He's their leader, so it falls on him when the do badly. Weirdly, though, because of his powers, he is the best at self care. He has to learn how to take care of his body and relax because his powers are so taxing. So the nicest thing he does for hismelf is consistently allow himself to rest and recharge.

Morgana - is an absolute mess and I love her for it. She's probably th meanest of the bunch? Both to herself and others. Her strong powerful illusions means she can struggle to know what's real and what isn't, both in regards to physical things and also relationships and connections with others. As a result she's cold and mean to others, and then hates herself for it. Not much niceness going on here for anyone, sad times.

I hope this answered your question well enough! I know I went off on a bit of a wild tangent there lol

[honestlyandrogynousnightmare]

magic reveal

So ive been thinking about the magic reveal we did get and also the different magic reveals we COULD have gotten so i thought id project all my thoughts into another massive tumblr rant:

personally, i dont think the magic reveal was bad at all. yes, i wouldve done it slightly differently, i think it was done way too late in the show and left little time to explore how that reveal affected merlin and arthurs relationship, and obviously we never actually ended up seeing if magic was legalised and all. but i dont hate the magic reveal we got. the key part i really love is that it was done on Merlins own terms, he could have just lied, but instead he finally told Arthur the truth and i think that there were many reasons for that decision being made. 

firstly, Merlin definitely felt guilty and blamed himself for Arthur being stabbed, he must have at least partly blamed himself because everything he did directly led to Mordred turning into a little shit. Part of him might have just felt as if he owes Arthur that explanation yknow. secondly, i feel like by that point he was tired of lying in general, he needed to get that secret off his chest. those two things combined with the fact that Arthur was dying may have pushed him to telling the truth,  because deep down he did know that it was probably the last chance to tell Arthur the truth. 

i liked how they presented Arthurs reaction too, the clear message there was that Athur was angry at the lying, thats the part he saw as betrayal, not the magic itself. he didnt want to believe that Merlin was a liar, when he always saw him as the one person that was entirely honest with him. hell, he still trusted him enough to send him back to Camelot and Gwen so he knew Merlin wasnt evil. If the writers actually did a good job at developing Arthurs character, i feel like itd be more obvious that Arthurs stance on magic was different from his fathers, but yknow bbc and their shoddy writing. I love that moment of acceptance as well, when he tells Merlin that he doesnt want him to change. He doesnt even now about all the things Merlin sacrificed and lost in order to protect Arthur and Camelot but he still accepts him. I think that when he first fund out it was all like “holy crap i dont even know him” but after spending a few hours with Merlin he realises that its still the exact same person he knew the week before. 

anddddd as much as i like the way they did that magic reveal, the ending of the show left me with no closure and a lot of tears. my ideal magic reveal wouldve happened earlier, either at the start of season 5 or near the end of season 4. It would give us a chance to see them talk it out, and god we know that there would be arguing, and if arthur wasnt dying he would probbaly be shouting but the key part here is that arthur wouldnt hurt merlin. i think he culd consider sending him away if his father was still king just to protect him but we all know merlin would reply with “no <3″. but since i cant see the reveal happening when uther is king, i will be ignoring that scenario. and again, theres many ways this could play out.

the one way that ive always found interesting was arthur figuring it out on his own, because he may be an idiot, but hes not stupid. *if you like this sort of thing read “so close and im halfway to it  on ao3, its a merthur fic and the magic reveal in that one makes me cry so much and the fic is so well written* I feel like at one point, he would just put the pieces together, and it would all make so much sense to him? Merlins random disappearances and scars would make sense, the luck he had when it came to fights, Merlins weird reactions when someone mentioned magic, how on earth merlin of all people managed to survive every battle and fight arthur was in when some of his best knights didnt. 

then theres the very cliche “merlin using magic mid battle to save everyone” reveal. because its mid battle, i really cant picture them talking it out there lol,  i picture a lot of ignoring but also if other people saw him using magic, we all know the first thing arthur would do is give the knights a good old “if you kill him i will kill you and then myself”, it wouldnt be until later that they would actually talk. 

and then like the canon magic reveal, theres Merlin doing it on his own terms. i personally really like thhis one because it gives him so much more control over the situation and over his words. *another fic rec here if you like this sorta thing, its called “to the world that let you by” and its really beautiful and made me cry at 1am so there you go, and as you guessed it, its another merthur*. i love this reveal because it gives merlin a chance to explain, and arthur a chance to listen and try to understand. 

now there are loads of different sub categories that could go into those, like Arthur finding merlin creating butterflies out of thin air lol, but i wont go into those. whatever reveal would happen, i feel like “the talk” after would usually end up in a similar way. Arthurs reaction would be similar to what we got in the canon reveal, because the actual magic isnt what would hurt most.  it would be the lies. Arthur has been lied to and betrayed by so many people you cant really expect him not to react badly to being lied to. the magic sure would confuse him and put him in a difficult position, because you have to keep in mind that his entire life he has been told that magic is pure evil, and to him, merlin is the polar opposite of that. i think it would just make him question everything, like does he even know this man? has he won any of his battles or has it always been merlin? why is he in camelot? why would a sorcerer be serving him? but he wouldnt hurt him. he wouldnt even consider that imo, sure, he will demand an explanation, but he wouldnt actually thin about hurting him. 

and merlin would understand why hes angry about the lying, that much is obvious. and he would be reluctant to tell arthur about the things that were happening behind his back all those years, but he would be honest. and go that conversation would be hard for both of them, i cant really imagine them having it without a lot of crying, shouting and even more wine tbh. arthur isnt good at listening which is why this would be so hard for him too, but merlin has to be honest, completely honest with arthur for the first time in his life and thatd be difficult. 

and i think merlin would handle arthurs reactions well, even if arthur decided to lose his temper lol. but i can still imagine him being a bit bitter if arthur judged his choices and stuff when it came to poisoning morgana and freeing the dragon, asking what on earth HE would do in that situation. where the only choices he sees are bad ones, and he has to pick the one thats least evil. 

arthur would probably be most pissed off at the thing about his mother tbh, because merlin outright lied there, usually its just deflecting but he made that deliberate choice to lie. but i really do think he would understand all of this, while not every choice merlin did was good, he did it with good intention. 

and then arthur would remove the ban on magic and they would kiss and get married amd live happily ever aft-

thanks bbc.

anyway if you want any more magic reveal fics (or links to the ones i mentioned, ao3 can be bloody annoying sometimes) feel free to comment or message me or anything, i have a couple more in my bookmarks. 

thanks for reading this rant, scuse the bad grammar, id love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this and magic reveals in general so feel free to comment! have a great day<3

[rechoired]

A problem with the Tales Of Arcadia community

First and foremost, I’d like to ask anyone taking the time to read this to please read the post all the way through before commenting on the matter. There is a lot of dirty laundry to unpack here, and some points will be building off previous ones.

I’ll get right to the point. Most everybody in the Tales of Arcadia fandom will have heard of the blog imthegingerninja / ginger-le-gay. She is one of the most well-known ToA-centric blogs, after all. (If you’re wanting to avoid her on Twitter as well, her account is Margaret Bell, or @The_Book_Bell.)

This is your PSA, TOA fandom: Ginger is a toxic, manipulative person.

This is not a claim I like to make lightly, but it’s long overdue that this issue is properly brought up within the fandom. 

I’ve seen so many people wonder why the Tales of Arcadia fandom is so small. Well, I and many others very strongly believe that Ginger is one of the main reasons for that, if not the main one. To make matters easier, I’ve tried to break this down into some main points. So let’s take a look at how Ginger falls under this category.

Disclaimer: Please DO NOT look at this post as an excuse to harass Ginger or any other blog mentioned here. This sort of behavior is NOT acceptable. The point of this post is to educate those who may not know the extent of her harrowing behavior, nothing more.

1. Dishonesty and Death Threats

[EDIT: Shortly after this post went up, she started blatantly lying about me to try to cover for herself. You can see those lies being easily disproven here]

Ginger has been kicked from at least three Tales of Arcadia servers, all for similar reasons of violence. While I cannot provide screenshots as I am no longer part of the servers they were in, there are multiple witnesses that can verify the disgusting behavior she engaged in. The one I saw specifically was her saying that certain members of the fandom should be gathered up and hunted for sport, among other gross things. (Elaboration of why can be found in point 3, though it still doesn’t excuse this kind of talk)

Here is some points made by another blog that also sums up similar issues with Ginger, though:

While there were multiple instances of her inciting violence towards others, this is unfortunately one topic I cannot provide specific screenshots for at this time. But I will add them in as I can find them. That being said, I want to move to the dishonesty, something I do have a screenshot for.

While you could argue that people sometimes notice the similar things, this is far too close together to be considered an “original find”. The reblog button is there for a reason, but she instead decides to steal the OP’s premise and present it as her own original thought.

There have been a couple other blogs that have confirmed that their theories and analysis posts were often stolen and presented as Ginger’s own as well, to the point where they stopped bothering even making such posts, as the above blog points out. (Out of respect for their privacy, I will not be naming these blogs. Say what you will about that possibly weakening my point, but if she’s willing to so blatantly steal from that person shown above, it shouldn’t surprise you that she’s so willing to do it to others.)

Theory-making and analysis posts aren’t as solidly “original content” as a piece of art or fanfiction, sure, but it’s still common fandom courtesy to give credit where it’s due. Ginger has intentionally avoided extending that courtesy far too many times.

2. Hypocrisy

Most of this is going to be about past Merlin vs. Morgana drama, though there are also words to be said for the incredibly shaky relationships she forms with “friends”.

But first let’s talk about those wizards.

This is a topic I’ve tried to approach with Ginger before, but she borderline refused to acknowledge any of the points I was trying to make, and when she did, I don’t know if I just wasn’t being clear or what, but it honestly looked as though she was purposefully trying to misunderstand what I was saying in her bizarre responses. (To be fair, I was sending messages out of anger because she vagueposted about a blog I admired, calling them a “disgusting creep” because of them simply saying they’d hoped Jim and Merlin would be able to actually bond at some point... Not really a justifiable reaction to such a harmless thought, in my opinion. But my point is, I recognize that the circumstances may have clouded my ability to vocalize my thoughts clearly.)

That aside, we should first acknowledge this post Ginger made to save face after having gotten some backlash about hate-train related things (Side note: I couldn’t find the original post, so this is a screenshot I got from someone else. I did not add the writing. The text underneath it should still be slightly readable, I hope.):

Taken at face value, this is a very reasonable post. I think everybody would and should be able to agree on it. Hate-meme him for fun, sure, but don’t actually harass or insult others over a fictional character. Simple, right?

Apparently not, because Ginger’s done loads of that to others. Probably why the “LOL” was added in, I bet.

This post confused me. First of all, exploring dark topics (”angst”, as you put it) has never been a rare occurrence, every fandom has that content, most in heavy abundance. I’ve noticed no staggering difference in volume of this fandom compared to others I’ve been in. People enjoy angst not because they think the character “deserves to be in pain”, they enjoy a fictional blow to their own emotions. There’s lots of different reasons people like angst, but it’s barely ever been out of a genuine hate for whatever character’s the focus, from all the things I’ve seen. Your own friends have indulged in Jim angst and body horror posts before, does that mean you think they’re awful people? I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain something like this.

Also, way to basically admit you think all Merlin stans get off on child torture. So much for “If you like Merlin as a character, you’re valid”, am I right? God, what a mess of a post. (It’s been very recently deleted, which makes me wonder if she got more backlash on it, but just... wow.)

Let’s look at another one.

Again. Vagueposting about someone specific, I’d wager, since most of the people I’ve seen comment on this topic either think both characters are morally gray, or hate both. 

But of course, when it comes to Morgana, suddenly excusing bad behavior can be justified. Ginger can call someone a disgusting creep because they want a familial bond between Jim and Merlin, that’s just wrong, but pushing the Mom-gana narrative with the genocidal abuser and Toby is completely fine, folks.

(Note: I would like to point out that I really don’t care about what theories and hopes people have for Morgana. You should be allowed to love that character in any way you want, same as I would say for Merlin. My issue with these examples is the completely brazen hypocrisy in which these two characters are treated. You’re obviously allowed to love Morgana without consequence, but the same should be said for any character of the show, and yet it’s not.)

The most obvious instance of this double-standard is well observable here, I believe: 

... I think this mostly speaks for itself. Sorry, but this is very blatantly trying to excuse Morgana’s actions, here.

Oh hey, remember that post about Ginger saying that liking Merlin must mean you want to see Jim in horrible pain? 

Say anything similar about her with Morgana, and suddenly she takes issue with this line of reasoning! 

I’m sorry, but if you can’t take this sort of thing, then you shouldn’t be dishing it out. One of your own friends is still getting hate over the simple fact of liking Merlin, and all this mentality is exactly why.

Let’s look at one more.

Fun fact! Morgana horrifically abused somebody for centuries, tried to kill multiple kids, took horrible advantage of Claire (probably traumatized her), and canonically wanted to genocide humanity, not to mention all the OTHER murders she's committed, both directly and indirectly.

But somehow pointing any of this out “doesn’t count”. This is why the fandom keeps saying more and more things like this: 

And this:

I could be going through her constant hating on Merlin and people who like Merlin for days straight, but I hope you all get the idea by now.

Again, I would like to just reiterate: You can like whatever character you want for whatever reason you want. The problem with this case is the hypocrisy and mistreatment of others, not your taste in characters.

Now interestingly enough, she’s lately been singing a different tune about the guy, switching from the “I hate Merlin I hope he dies!!!” mentality to “Oh he should get a redemption arc too :)” sort of thing.

I’m highly convinced that the only reasons for this “change of heart” is because of the constant backlash she was getting for the obnoxious amount of hate posts being thrown around all the time, but also because Aaron Waltke keeps tabs on the fandom more lately, and has spoken himself about Merlin not being a villain.

I could go on about this point forever, but I think I’ll just leave the Merlin topic with this post going through the hypocrisy of the Merlin Hate Train. In fact, here’s two just for fun.

Now onto more real-world focused areas of hypocrisy. One such instance can be found in Ginger’s Janus Disorder server. 

Just take a look at this post.

While the offender in this case isn’t Ginger specifically, it still takes place in her server, and she made no moves to enforce her “No discourse” rule. All over... what? A random kudos on a fanfiction that’s not even about anything controversial since all characters involved are adults? I immensely don’t understand the point of why this ever had to be an issue, or why nobody spoke up about how ridiculous this is.

I’d also like to point out a certain user called firecat17. For some quick context, waaay back in the Kung Fu Panda fandom (around 2018), this user had been harassing people and saying incredibly vile things, a person of which Ginger had a bit of a feud, but firecat’s anon threats had gotten to the point where Ginger ended up having to block their IP. 

Obviously, the user firecat was the one in the wrong, here. (Also, the irony in this comment is through the roof...)

Interesting point there, Ginger. Sure would be nice if you practiced what you preached.

Why am I bringing this random old drama up, you may ask? Well, it just strikes me as strange that someone who was so vile to Ginger is suddenly on her okay-list again, sending her asks and getting casual responses as if nothing ever happened.

To be fair, there is the possibility that they worked out their differences in private. But given the severity of the kinds of words being exchanged, I would still find that rather suspicious.

When someone who’s said things so vile can be so easily forgiven, yet something as harmless as leaving a kudos on some random fanfiction is considered grounds for harassment, it’s obvious there’s no stability or room for trust among this group of people. Unsurprising when there’s been several instances of this “friend group” turning on each other.

If you think you’re somehow different, that your “friendship” with Ginger or the others is more valued than that, then I’m sorry to burst your bubble but it’s likely not true. She’d throw you under the bus at the hint of you doing something she deems problematic, as it’s happened to multiple blogs before you.

3. Demonization of and insensitivity towards s*xual abuse victims

(This topic is one that’s hard for me to talk about, being a victim of CSA myself, so I’ve gathered some different sources to do most of the main talking for me. I tried to form more commentary on this myself, but I get too emotionally charged in my responses, and I don’t want that to cloud any reader’s perception of what I’m trying to communicate here, so I’ll try to keep most of my comments brief on this one.)

One thing recently brought to my attention about Ginger and her squad that especially bothers me is their rashness in labeling people p*dophiles and p*do apologists. If these claims were true, then I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

But these people are accusing others of these horrible things and threatening them on the sole basis of fictional content.

Now before you fly off the handle at me, let me be very clear: I absolutely understand that there are gross people out there who use the “It’s all just fiction” argument to hide their actual, pr*datory behaviors. (We’ve all probably seen at least one or two neckbeard memes of that caliber)

But like it or not, exploring traumatic themes through a fictional lens is something that has been studied and proven to be a genuine coping mechanism for some. It’s not something that works for me, but I knew a few people from past therapy groups that it worked surprisingly well for. Bringing a trauma into a controlled environment and processing it through fictional means can and does help some victims deal with what they went through. 

It’s important to understand that not everyone processes their experience in the same neat, little boxes you have laid out as the only “acceptable” ways of coping. Trauma fiction and expressive arts therapy are commonly used by victims, and it does help some people, whether you like it or not.

I’m already dragging this on too much, so here are some sources for better-worded information on the topic (Warning: Most of these deal with highly sensitive themes such as gun violence and s*xual abuse.)

Source 1 - Source 2 - Source 3 - Source 4 - Source 5 (pages 61 onward, specifically) - Source 6 - Source 7 - Source 8 - Source 9 - Source 10 (and believe me, if those all don’t satisfy you, I can easily supply more.)

And this quote from source 9 I think sums it up best:

“Fiction works differently. My imagination gives me a framework to process the grief and terror and the consequences, even when I myself have not found any resolution. It allows me to enter my own traumatic experiences sideways and linger inside them, if I know I can give them to characters who might be lucky enough to find the antidote: love, connection, community, family. In other words, I can enter — and exit — the trauma loop through stories that are not exactly the same as mine.

This goes for the reader also. Recent studies periodically assure us that stories — literary fiction, hardcover books, even the simple act of reading — promote empathy. We rarely have identical experiences, so fiction is how we practice linking our similar or parallel realities so we can feel them. This seems particularly useful in our current society, where we are all so separated, and are working so hard to block the violence that keeps happening to us from our minds.

Fiction connects us, and it can also contribute to our healing. When we see ourselves in worlds we don’t live in, like The Handmaid’s Tale or The Color Purple, sometimes, that very different violence helps us finally process our own. Because as much as our memoirs and testimonies are brave and validating, fiction does not just mirror our truths so they are safe to experience; it also helps us endure the aftermath. Because long after the immediate experience is over, survival struggles onward, in every moment of our daily lives.”

While most professionals have in the past advised that victims keep their trauma-related works more private, to only show it to your trusted friends or family, the fast-growing use of the internet has led more people to sharing it in an online platform, which is not unexpected behavior.

I unfortunately don’t have the screenshot of the original post, but there was a post made some time back literally telling a fandom member to go and hang themselves over this garbage. A survivor of s*xual abuse, no less. And to top that off, one of Ginger’s squad @emmy-puff commented in support of that violent post, as well as blatantly misgendering the target of it. While, again, I was unable to get screenshots, there are multiple witnesses to this instance, one Anonymous even having called them out on it back when it happened. (I suspect that Emmy deleted that answer due to how bad it made them look.) If anybody reading this has screenshots of the initial post or the ask that came of it, please feel free to share.

I don’t care who you are or who you’re talking about, if you use misgendering someone as a way to hurt them, then you are an insult to the trans community. That is an awful thing to do, and you lose so much credibility if that’s the only thing you can fall back on when getting in a fight with someone. While this post isn’t about Emmy specifically, this is exactly the kind of hateful rhetoric that’s being encouraged in the environment Ginger’s made.

Another thing I would like to point out on this matter is an instance that happened in the ToA fandom a couple years back. I, again, don’t have screenshots available (I believe the original post ended up deleted) but the post in question caused enough of a fuss that I’m sure a few people must remember it... 

A while back, there was an artist that posted uncensored, untagged r*pe art of Aaarrrgghh, Gunmar, and Jim in the main Trollhunters tag. As you can imagine, this infuriated many people. Many of which are among the list of those who’ve been labeled “p*do apologists”. Almost the very minute that post showed up in the tag with no trigger warnings of any kind, the fandom immediately got on OP’s tail about it, because they all shared that basic understanding of “This is a traumatizing subject for many people and they should have the ability to avoid it”. If the people you’ve labelled as pr*dator supporters were really as awful as you say they are, they would’ve jumped to that person’s defense, too. But they were completely against OP’s horrible lack of consideration of survivors, right alongside the rest of the fandom.

Am I saying you have to like trauma fiction? Absolutely not. Are there people that make trauma fiction that are actual pr*dators? I’m sure there are. But those people would be that way whether trauma fiction was out there or not. Gross people have existed and will always exist regardless of what media is out there.

I deeply understand the controversy, uncertainty, and stress that surrounds this topic, I promise you, I do. But the fact of the matter is, some people actually do use trauma fiction and expressive arts therapy as a way of coping, as has been observed in people even from ages as young as 5. To say otherwise is blatantly untrue. This isn’t a matter of opinion or morals, this is plain, studied facts that you cannot change about human psychology.

Nobody should ever have to go through something as horrible as s*xual abuse of any kind, and I know how deeply upsetting it can be to see certain images or stories with those themes in play. Those users with a sense of decency and understanding for fellow victims will tag their posts with the appropriate warnings. After that, it’s up to you to filter out what you don’t want to see. You curate your own internet experience, and it’s just plain irrational to try and harass everyone into conforming to your rules. While it’s an 18+ blog’s job to make sure to tag and label their content appropriately, it is your job to block the things you don’t want to see, whether you’re an adult or a minor. It is YOUR job to blacklist content that you know will upset you, because it is always going to exist on the internet, and any internet user needs to know and understand that. Multiple times I’d seen people going off about posts that were already appropriately trigger-tagged. If you don’t have those upsetting tags blacklisted by now, then the fault is mostly on you in that kind of case, not the OP.

Before I end this topic off, just one more example of blatant disrespect towards victims:

I’m sorry, but the absolute nerve of comparing some random fictional character you’re petty over to an actual pr*dator who’s terribly hurt real children is just awful. Imagine how insulted one of Onion’s victims would be if they saw that. Lord.

Ginger claims to care about victims, but she’s made it abundantly clear that she only cares about those that behave the way she think a victim should.

4. Ableism 

I’m going to just show a couple posts here and let them mostly speak for themselves. 

Just... my God. You looked at the definition of psychopath and decided that was enough to give you qualification to speak like this about it? Do you realize the extensive work and study of human psychology goes into the diagnosis and understandings of psychopathy? Not to mention, you just admit to thinking people deserve hate because of a mental disorder they legitimately have no control over? I’m sorry, but that is just cruel. Demonization of the mentally ill is not cute or funny. Next.

While I’m still annoyed with Emmy’s transphobic treatment of another user mentioned earlier, they make a very solid point in this instance. (The first post they referenced has since been deleted, but here’s the second one speaking out against the ableism.) I feel I don’t need to add much to this, as these points have already been argued very well by users better qualified to speak on the subject than I.

5. Manipulation tactics

This part is more observations of two kinds of abuse tactics Ginger appears to demonstrate, using the above as points of reference. 

First, there’s DARVO.

Then, less formally, there’s this good point about online cult mentality.

Before you say anything, obviously I don’t think Ginger thinks of herself as some sort of deity. While it could be argued that she considers herself a point of authority within the TOA fandom maybe, I haven’t seen enough of this to say for sure how far that goes. So that point can be ignored, because it mostly doesn’t apply in this case. (The “Dictating parts of your online life” might also not apply, but I can’t say for sure as I haven’t gotten any confirmation of that sort of thing in Ginger’s group.)

But there are grains of truth in the other four points, especially that last one. Plain and simple, she’s made people afraid to speak their minds about even harmless things such as character analysis.

Ginger is someone who can’t seem to comprehend different viewpoints and life experiences. She’s extremely unsympathetic towards people she doesn’t understand, as can be observed in above examples. Assuming malicious intent from everybody you can’t understand is a dangerous and hurtful mindset to have, for both you and those who you unnecessarily scorn.

There are a few outcomes I’ve speculated should she ever come to see this post.

1. She will ignore this post completely, pretending as if it doesn’t exist

2. She will dismiss me as being some sort of horrible person, a p*do apologist or something of the sort (despite being a victim of that myself, clearly she doesn’t care about who’s actually been hurt by real p*dos or not if they don’t conform to her narrow worldview), and claim nothing I’ve said bears any meaning, despite the extensive evidence I’ve provided.

3. She will get people to try and attack me. 

4. She will actually address these points in a tactful, mature, and serious manner instead of her usual act of trying to dismiss everything at the slightest hint of non-conformity. (The least likely outcome, but one can dream.)

I could add to this post all day, but it’s long enough as it is and my focus was on getting the main points out of the way. I understand that I lack some of the receipts necessary to back myself up in a few parts, but I know that many other fans have bared witness to those things, so I know there will be at least some people who’ll know what I speak of is true, and that’s good enough for me.

That being said, if anybody has screenshots of the instances I wasn’t able to provide for, it would be greatly appreciated if you could add them into the conversation.

!!!-If you have screenshots, but are too uncomfortable to get involved in this, then you can private-message them to me and I would be grateful and more than happy to add them in while keeping you completely anonymous.-!!!

(I've removed the section with all the tags, as I recognize it was probably going overboard. My goal was just to spread information, not to try and involve those tagged, but I understand how that may have gotten lost in translation and made people uncomfortable. Also, it apparently was showing up multiple times in people’s notifications when I only tagged people twice, so I’m not sure why that glitch happened, but I apologize for that annoyance as well.)

Now, to end us off, my responses to questions or angry comments I’m probably going to get:

You don’t even have all the evidence! How are we to know you’re not just lying about some of this?

Admittedly, I don’t have as much screenshot proof as I would like, that’s true. But for most of the instances I couldn’t provide for, there were other witnesses to her bad behavior. I don’t really have the need to lie when there’s already a lot of knowledge out there of the bad stuff she has done. Nor do I really have the emotional investment in this fandom anymore to lie for the pointless reason of causing drama.

Why post this on a throwaway account if you think people are on your side?

I just don’t really want my main blog associated with TOA anymore, to be frank.

You tagged a bunch of people, so you must be trying to get them to attack Ginger!

No. I tagged a bunch of people because I think this information should be heard on a wider scale, considering the position Ginger has in the fandom. I don’t want her or anybody else to be attacked, but her negative impact on this fandom deserves to be acknowledged.

Again, I don’t think Ginger or any of the others deserve harassment or cyberbullying or anything of that manner, that’s kind of what this whole post is against. And it just hurts the situation more than it helps it. What bothers me is how she’s never apologized for or even once acknowledged the gross way she’s treated people. While she might be more low-key about it now, she still treats people who don’t deserve it like garbage. There are still several people upset about the damage she’s caused to this fandom, rightfully so. I wouldn’t be so loud about making this post if I didn’t think it was something worth drawing attention to. 

Thank you for reading.

[atlantablack]

Favorite Merlin Fics ft. Imprisonment

a thimble of light for an acre of sky by celaenos 

36,268 | Teen + | no warnings apply 

Golden, beautiful, charming, pompous Arthur, drawing everyone to him like moths to a flame. She thinks of how he is the only other person in the world who understands what it's like to be Uther Pendragon's child, to crave the approval of that looming shadow and want to break free of it in the same breath. She hates him. She hates him. She hates him. 

It’s only part of the truth, even now.

Why I love this fic

This is hands down absolutely one of my favorite season 5 AU’s. The amount of attention that’s paid not only to Morgana and Gwen’s relationship, but also to Morgana and Arthur’s is just fucking amazing. For all that Morgana is technically a prisoner for a large part of the fic it never breaks her, only gives everyone else a chance to get through to her which I truly believe is all they need, a chance. 

I’ve read this fic several times and it never loses its effect, I always feel like i’ve been punched in the gut and I’m always just left in a puddle of my own emotions afterwards. If i had to pick a favorite quote (that hopefully doesn’t give too much away) it would be: 

“I’m going to kill you,” she warns Arthur. “Keeping me here is foolish.”

“Perhaps,” he says, and somehow the teasing smirk of their youth spills out onto his face. “But then again, you’ve always thought that I was.”

“Don’t smile at me,” Morgana snaps. “The only reason I haven’t killed you yet are these shackles, and mark my words, I’ll get them off.”

“Is that?” he asks. “The only reason?”

“Yes,” Morgana snaps, but there’s a horrible inflection to her voice. It comes out far more like a question than a promise.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11931528/chapters/26968359

a king of infinite space by schweet_heart 

1,069 | explicit | no warnings apply

When they bring Arthur home, he is silent.

Why I love this fic: 

The pure amount of detail and emotion that is in this fic is just incredible. it’s only a little over 1k but i’ve read it so many times because I can never get past just how much is in it. Case in point, i just read it again to try and figure out what to say and i’m now in a puddle of my own emotions trying to figure out how something can be both hot and sad and sexy and romantic and ??? just so goddamn good. 

The last line of this fic never fails to blow me the fuck away and sometimes I genuinely just sit and stare at it looking for inspiration. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11992938

Dying to Return by StormDancer 

19,869 | Teen+ | no warnings apply 

When they try to hang him, he floats. 

 * 

They put him on the pyre at dawn. 

He doesn’t burn.

Why I love this fic:

I feel like it’s very likely everyone already knows this fic but if you’re new to the fandom (because i stg we gain new people every day against all odds), then this truly an amazing fic. I really really love the way this author chose to write the way Merlin goes about getting Arthur to accept magic. I’m 100% all for unapologetic Merlin just blazing in and telling arthur about his magic and arguing arthur into accepting it, but I also really love this, not soft really, but patient, solemn, quiet Merlin who’s prepared to wait as long as he needs to and just show Arthur how good magic can be just by existing. 

Also I think it’s so lovely how as the reader, some parts of the plot are so obvious to us but to Arthur they’re impossible to figure out and it’s just done so artfully! 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/689934

Emblazoning by astolat 

18,797 | mature | creator chose not to use warnings 

Morgana turned away from the high, barred window and rubbed her arms, chilled and bare. Arthur was sitting in the dirty straw at the very limit of his chains, which kept him a few inches too far away to touch Merlin's limp body. Outside they were putting up the stake.

Why I love this fic:

I know this pairing isn’t very popular since season 3 aired, but honestly it’s so good. These four really are just so tangled up together that I love reading fics where they’re all in a relationship. Also, this is by astolat and everything astolat has written is a fucking gem. 

I really love that this is a season 1 divergence, because it really highlights how far Arthur would have been willing to go even then. He’s never been able to just stand back and watch Merlin die. No matter the season and I just love the way its done in this one. The magic reveal, the way Arthur can never truly stop being a leader, a ruler, the way Morgana’s visions and swordfighting come together to create a whole picture, the way Gwen is always there and steady and being their rock. I just love this piece so damn much. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7155737

Safekeeping by schweet_heart 

5,531 | explicit | no warnings apply 

“There were bandits,” Arthur confirms. There is something grim in his tone which tells Merlin this is not the whole of it. “There was also a sorcerer.” 

 Merlin sighs. “Of course there was.” 

 As it turns out, there was also a magical beast, and there was also a sacrifice.

Why I love this fic:

Merlin’s magic reveal in this one is just truly fantastic. I can’t think of many fics where his magic reveal is so goddamn badass and super powered up and yet, he’s also so helpless and doesn’t even realize that he’s revealed himself. Arthur has to make the choice of what to do with Merlin telling him anything at all, without any outside input. Just Merlin helpless and there at his mercy. 

Also.... the sex is hot as fuck lol but really, I love this fic. I love seeing fics that just explore how excruciating magic suppressing cuffs would be on Merlin. Basically, this fic just hit all my favorite points and i love it!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14008191

The Game of Lying 

7,262 | Gen | no warnings apply

It's just Merlin's luck to get trapped in a castle with the knights and a crazy fae who wants to see how well he can lie. Fortunately, he's very good at lying. 

Unfortunately, the fae isn't too pleased about that. 

The knights are going to have a lot of questions if they live through this.

Why I love this fic:

Badass, snarky, smartass, “i have a thousand talents other than magic” Merlin is 100% my favorite take. Fics where the knights and Arthur have to realize how little they know about Merlin, without a magic reveal. They underestimate him a lot despite dragging him everywhere with them and I feel like this really highlights this. 

Also, again, I loveeeeeee badass Merlin. badass, overpowered, I could probably destroy the world if I wanted to, Merlin. Love him. Beautiful, perfect. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13590702

[uwukechi]

shuake and/or pegoryu for the ship thing uwuwu

001: Shuake/Akeshu

when I started shipping it if I did:

Honestly? Right from the get-go. I saw Goro at the TV station and when he opposed the Phantom Thieves but immediately took an interest in Akiren, and Akiren reciprocated that interest and there was no outward negativity expressed (by either Akiren or Morgana) towards their relationship, it was basically greenlit in my head. This was back in vanilla -- but the rest of the game, AND Royal, definitely just made it go stronger. The main reason was the fact that they could intellectually stimulate and interest the other with no ill will or malice, and that they both seemed to enjoy it. 

my thoughts:

First of all, there’s the entire rivalry thing which I LOVE. 

The whole concept of healthy rivalries always appeal in a relationship dynamic to me, because 1) they don’t “bore” each other due to the fact that there’s always going to be something keeping their interest up in a competitive way, 2) there’s no power imbalance due to the fact that the basis of any rivalry is that they are equals, and 3) both people in the relationship will always be striving to become better not for the other person, but because of the other person. Look at it this way:

There’s “I want to be the best version of myself to make you happy,” which is pretty much any other relationship dynamic that enforces self-betterment.

THEN, there’s rivalmance, which is, “I want to be the best version of myself because you motivate me to want to become a better person for myself,” which just honestly strikes a chord with me, mainly because it means that the relationship isn’t about pandering to one another, but about two people who can go up head-to-head, bare their souls and give each other everything they’ve got, and still come out stronger and happier than when they went in.

It’s exactly this in shuake that appeals to me so much -- that, of course, and the fact that they genuinely care about the other for who the other is, and not for anyone else. It’s especially blatant when you think about the fact that they both mirror each other in so many ways -- they both put on so many masks for the public and everyone around them; they’re both wildcards; they’re designed to mirror the other -- anyway, that list goes on for days. 

The fact of the matter is that they can honestly, truly understand each other. There’s a saying -- “it is when dressed for a masquerade where you are most naked” -- that I think fits them really well. Their whole confidant route explores the many layers to their relationship and how they can fully understand the true depth of what the other means by using the guise of casual conversation as metaphor for the truth. Which you’ll know I obsess over if you’ve seen my post on their third confidant rank in Royal or small potatoes. 

Oooops, that got a little long...

And of course, to no one’s surprise.

What makes me happy about them:

can’t i just say “everything” and be done with it

Okay but in all seriousness, I absolutely love how they’ve found someone so special for themselves in each other. Their relationship is so valuable to them, so important and meaningful that it’s truly something I think is precious. And that’s not even taking into account how much they would consider doing (and sacrificing) for the other if need be. Hell, Goro entrusts Akiren with his life mission (taking down Shido to let him rot) before intending to give up his own life in the engine room, and Akiren is given the absolutely heartrending choice to choose between Akechi or the world. The fact that it’s such a hard choice to make in and of itself is testament to how much it means. The fact that 2/2 exists is testament. The fact that Goro’s third awakening takes place at Leblanc, with Akiren, every little detail. They just. they mean so much to each other and that’s honestly one of the things that really makes me happy.

What makes me sad about them:

Nothing in particular about their relationship saddens me, per se? Like, they truly make me and each other happy by virtue of just being there. That’s not to say that their circumstances aren’t impressively saddening -- just take Proof of Justice, for example. The only thing that saddens me about their relationship is the tragedy of their circumstances: “If only we had met a few years earlier”? That hit. Well written angst is the best variant. 

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

When. Akiren. is. mean-spirited. to. Goro. or. vice. versa. It’s just...not them? Like, Akiren knows what Goro’s been through, and seeing people write him making fun of Goro with the Phantom Thieves as anything further than light/playful teasing just makes me wince because it’s... cruel. Similarly, Goro’s a prick, yeah, but he’d never really go so far as to be needlessly cruel to Akiren and enjoy it for the sake of it. It’s just...blegh. I don’t like it.

things I look for in fanfic:

DYNAMIC! If any fic really nails their dynamic I absolutely adore it. The edge of competition, the proud and encouraging taunts, the innate bond and trust? Gimme that sweet sweet RIVALMANCE. The “do I hate you or do I hate what how you make me feel?” The “I want to get my feelings across but saying them would make it real and make it matter, so I’m going to layer it within thousands of metaphors and hypotheticals that I know you’ll understand regardless, but as long as I don’t let myself falter with my goal, it’s fine”

Ahem. 

Basically I like them pining/trying to one-up each other and just generally relishing being in the other’s presence.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

GOD this is a hard one because I don’t really ship either of them with anyone else? I know for Goro there’s been a lot of akesumi stuff going around but that really isn’t my cup of tea, so for Goro I’d prooooobably go with Yusuke because akekita is cute, lol. I will say that I headcanon Akiren as massively bi and I’d be willing to settle for shuann but I don’t really see them romantically? Like, bi solidarity and that’s all? OH though I wouldn’t mind Akiren with Hifumi; that’s a cute ship too!

My happily ever after for them:

They’re happy as long as they’re together, in my heart. Given both of their characters I think they both do like the fast-paced life that keeps them stimulated, but they can only properly slow down when they’re with each other, just because of how well they truly understand each other and knows what the other needs. Their happily ever after is honestly just them being together, because home is where the heart is.

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

Real talk, they snuggle together and both kind spoon each other? Other than that they alternate between big and little spoon, depending on whose trauma is affecting them. Akiren claims to be the big spoon more often because he likes believing that he’s able to comfort Goro when confronted in his darker moments and be there to protect him and assure him that things aren’t gonna hurt him anymore, but Goro ends up being the big spoon a lot more frequently because Akiren takes up too many people’s problems and gets stressed out over them without dealing with his own issues first, so Akiren frequently needs to be reminded that he has someone to protect him too, and Goro’s more than glad to be able to fill that role, to be able to help heal instead of hurt.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity:

Anything, so long as it’s competitive! As long as they can aim to compete with the other or one-up the other, it’ll be absolutely engaging for the both of them, whether it’s a debate, a game of chess, battleships, darts, pool, baseball batting in Yongen-Jaya, or playing tennis. Just let them compete and get passionate about it, and they’ll both have the time of their lives. Seriously. 

Ask post here!

(I’ll do pegoryu next for you, anon, in a separate post!)

[alj4890]

Delicate

(Olivia Nevarkis x Ethan Ramsey) in a Choices The Royal Romance/Open Heart Crossover crack series.

Song Inspiration: Delicate

A/N This series will focus more on the relationships Olivia has with both friends and potential love interests. Since I was never a med student, I won’t try to write too many medical situations, LOL. The reason Olivia goes to Boston is more of a McGuffin of sorts. I needed a reason to have her truly see what it is she wants in her life. 

Masterlist

Prologue

The bar was not as crowded as Olivia expected. Pausing in the doorway to allow her eyes to adjust to the low light, she searched the few lingering patrons for the one who had invited her.

Nothing had surprised her more than receiving the invitation.

Well, maybe not more than another invitation she had once received.

And yet...this was different. So completely different.

Stepping up to the bar, she took a steadying breath, irritated that she had allowed herself to hope that this might be the right time to have her old dream again.

Was it so foolish to want to be married and have a family? Everyone else was expected to. Why not her? She would need an heir for Lythikos after all.

Maybe she could be the Nevarkis that actually had children because she wants to be a mother. Not for Cordonia. Not for the duchy. Just, have someone all her own. Someone who she could love without worry of it not being reciprocated.

"What can I get for you?" The bartender asked.

She blinked and refocused.

"I'll have a whiskey sour."

Grimacing at ordering something tied to too many memories, she quickly spoke up.

"Wait! I'll have a glass of Merlot."

"I thought you might be a red wine person."

Olivia turned around and tilted her head back.

Ethan smiled at her. "I was hoping you would take me up on meeting here."

"You said there was something important we needed to discuss." She steeled herself for disappointment. "You haven't changed your mind about the research hospital, have you?"

Ethan set his glass down. "Another scotch, please, Reggie."

"You got it." Reggie handed Olivia her wine glass while reaching for the bottle Ethan preferred.

"Top shelf." She muttered, recognizing the label.

"Pretentious, isn't it?" Ethan teased.

A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips. "Surprisingly, it isn't. It shows you have taste."

Ethan took his glass back and told Reggie to put both their drinks on his tab.

"Let's find somewhere to sit."

Olivia followed him out the backdoor to a lighted patio.

They were completely alone.

"There usually isn't anyone out here on a Wednesday night." Ethan explained.

They sat down near a fire pit and waited for the other to bring up what was needed to be discussed.

Olivia silently studied Ethan in the glow of the firelight. His features appeared harsh with the shadows. His eyes seemed to glow when they briefly cut her way.

He cradled his glass between his hands while staring at its contents.

Never one for putting off the inevitable, Olivia shifted in her chair. "What is it?"

His blue eyes raised to hers. "It isn't anything to do with the hospital."

She relaxed somewhat. "Good. I was worried you weren't coming to Cordonia."

"It does involve that." He admitted.

"I don't understand."

"Liv, I am attracted to you." Ethan responded.

She stilled. "Attracted? In what way?"

"In every way."

"Is this your roundabout way of telling me you want me but will do nothing about it?" Olivia's eyes narrowed. "Because I have had those conversations in the past."

"I intend to act on it." Ethan set his glass down.

"You intend to..." Her eyes widened. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that given my history and from what you have shared of yours," he ran a hand through his hair, "I think I should be up front about it." He reached for one of her hands. "I'm not going to take a chance and sit on the sidelines just to watch some bolder man steal you away."

Olivia's lips parted.

Ethan wants me. He admitted it. To me.

"Since I plan on starting out as I intend to go, all with blunt honesty so there is no misunderstanding," he rubbed his thumb across her knuckles, "I would like to take you to dinner tomorrow night." His eyes held hers. "I'm asking you out on a date."

He's nothing like Drake, she thought.

"I," Olivia licked her dry lips, trying to calm her excited thoughts so that she could answer. She couldn't recall when a man had ever asked her for a date.

This would be her first real date.

"I would love to." She felt her lips curving at Ethan's smile flahsing. "What time should I expect you?"

"Seven." He stood up and tugged her out of her seat.

One hand settled on her cheek while the other still held her hand.

His eyes drifted across her face, taking in the delicate features that made one surprised at the immense strength they hid at first glance.

Olivia waited with baited breath at whether or not he would kiss her.

She closed her eyes as his lips pressed an achingly tender kiss to her cheek.

"Let's get you home." Ethan murmured. He couldn't help the smile that seemed determined to remain on his face. "I can't wait for tomorrow night."

"Neither can I." She smiled back, thankful no one was around to see her like this.

After bidding her a goodnight at her door with another sweet kiss to her cheek, Olivia quickly changed and got into bed.

Once she had thought through how tomorrow night might go, her mind decided to dredge up the past.

**************

The Royal Palace, Cordonia, six months ago...

"...and then I plan to have Morgana and Merlin..."

Olivia tuned out Penelope's conversation. The effort to keep a pretended interest wasn't worth it. She began to scan the crowd for anything more interesting.

She had begun to tire of the endless round of balls and dinners. If it wasn't for her affection for Liam and Riley, she would have made up an excuse that she was needed in Lythikos.

Well, that, and a certain someone was swaying her into staying in the capital.

"Olivia?"

"Hmm?"

Kiara and Penelope both had expectant expressions on their faces.

"What do you think?" Penelope asked again.

"Oh, that is..." She took a gulp of her drink, "that is...something to think about."

"It really is!" Penelope exclaimed. "I've spent weeks trying to decide on..."

Olivia zoned out again.

Feeling the hairs raise on the back of her neck, she turned toward the source.

Her green eyes clashed with a pair of hooded brown.

A barely perceptible tilt of Drake's head had her excusing herself from the people she wasn't listening to.

Winding her way toward the the doors that opened to the back courtyard, she silently thanked her past unfriendly self for helping her avoid being called into more conversations.

Within a minute or two, she was outside breathing in the balmy sea breeze of the capital.

Another few minutes went by before a familiar hand encircled her waist, guiding her deeper into the shadows.

Without a word spoken, Drake pressed his lips to hers.

Normally, she would participate, taking pleasure from pushing him into a wild frenzy of clothes being ripped off.

But tonight...she wasn't sure this was what she wanted.

Olivia wanted more. Not more of the same. Something different. Something evolving. Passion intertwined with more heartfelt emotions. Or something that caused a new kind of passion.

She hated this uncertainty that had plagued her recently. The sneaking around she and Drake had been doing for close to a year was beginning to annoy her.

Olivia had started to yearn for what her friends had.

Liam and Riley were happily married with plans to begin their family.

Hana and Rashad had announced their engagement.

 Amanda had spent the last few years dividing her life with living in both Hollywood and Cordonia with her husband.

Even Maxwell had begun a serious relationship recently with a New York artist.

Olivia felt like she was the only one not moving forward. Shouldn't she have something other than an annulled marriage to show for her years of social seasons?

Shouldn't Drake make a stand? Demand that they take their relationship to a more personal level rather than remaining illicit lovers?

Hadn't she overheard Riley saying that Drake wanted a simple life with a family of his own?

Couldn't he have that with me?

She placed her hands on his chest and pushed him away.

"What's wrong?" Drake whispered.

"I want--nothing really--I was hoping..." She trailed off, suddenly feeling very self conscious about what she was about to do.

"Hoping for what?" He asked.

"Hoping you would tell me what this is?" Olivia replied. She gestured between them. "Is this going anywhere?"

He grinned as he placed a heated kiss to her neck. "It could go to my room."

She jerked away. "I don't mean that."

His eyes narrowed at her tone. "Then what do you mean?"

"Us!" She snapped. "Are we doing this to move into something more," she hesitated, irritated at herself for even doing so, "permanent?"

"Permanent?" He repeated. "I thought we were letting off some steam." He rubbed the back of his neck as he took a step away from her.

That simple action spoke volumes to Olivia.

He won't look me in the eye much less remain near. I'm nothing to him but a distraction, one he wants to keep hidden.

"This," her lip curled in disgust, "thing we have is over."

Drake tried to stop her when she shoved past him. "Come on Liv." He grasped her upper arm. "Are you seriously wanting us to date? How would that even work? You barely act like you can stand my presence. Who would believe we--"

She wrenched her arm free. Trying to avoid having to reveal how much his rejection hurt, she muttered to forget what she had said.

"I don't want anything from you." She replied in an emotionless tone.

"Liv," he tried to cajole her back into his embrace. "You know we work better in secret. Putting a label on what we have is only going to cause problems."

"We don't have anything worth mentioning." Without bothering to see his reaction to that, she walked away without a second glance.

***************

It had taken a couple more times of ignoring Drake's subtle hints to meet somewhere before he finally caught on that it was truly over.

One night he caught her alone in the palace library.

"We need to talk."

She simply turned a page in a medical journal she had been reading.

"Olivia!" He snapped.

Her eyes flickered up to his.

He stared at her, willing her silently to speak. Hoping she would explain why she decided to upend something good between them.

She gestured toward a chair across from her.

Drake felt a slight uneasiness at how casual she was behaving. The Olivia he knew was passionate in everything. Even her calmness held hints of restrained energy thrumming within her body.

This...this was new.

"I'm planning on proposing we build a research hospital in Cordonia, preferably close or in Lythikos." She announced.

"You're--what--that isn't what I wanted to talk about." He stuttered.

She chose to ignore that. "We need something to help combat the overflowing in the capital's hospital." She rested her chin on her fist as she stared off in the distance. "I know Lythikos’s weather isn't ideal for most, but the valley below Cordonia's Alps has more seasonal temperatures."

He blinked. "Liv, I think we should talk about our--"

"I talked to Liam about it. He suggested I propose it to the council tomorrow." She refocused on him. "I already have a few doctors in mind to run it."

Drake's brow furrowed. He didn't understand why she wouldn't hear him out.

Swallowing uncomfortably, he nodded toward her journal. "Who're the doctors?"

"There have been numerous articles written about the diagnostic team at Edenbrook Hospital in Boston." She pushed the journal towards him, pointing out a picture of a group of doctors. "And it just so happens that the hospital is going under due to budget cuts."

She lifted her eyes to truly look at Drake. He seemed to handle her decision to not discuss anything personal with him well...which was just what she wanted.

Especially since he doesn't want me except as an easy, occasional hookup.

She was determined to move on. If she couldn't do so with her hope for a family of her own, then she would in repairing her reputation. The name Nevarkis would stand for something honorable again.

This hospital would be her new passion project. A place where people could go when they had no answer to the illnesses they suffered with. A legacy she could proudly leave for the children she hoped one day to have.

A way to use her years of study to benefit her country.

All those classes in trauma care would finally pay off.

"I can't see anyone voting against this." Drake said. His eyes met Olivia's.

Unable to breach the wall she had erected between them, he reached for her hand.

She pulled it out of reach.

His head dropped. "Why won't you let us talk about this?"

"Because we said all that could be said." She replied with a shrug. "You don't want what I do."

"I could try." He muttered.

"Try?!" She hissed. "If a person has to try, then they don't want it." She snatched up the journal and got up. "If the council agrees tomorrow, then I am going to go to Boston to persuade Dr. Ramsey and Dr. Banerji."

"How long will you be gone?" Drake asked.

"As long as it takes." She averted her eyes. 

“Were you going to tell me you were leaving or were you just going to disappear?” He tried to reach for her hand. “Liv, what about us?”

She pulled it away again before he could touch her.

"Time apart will show you that your initial response to my," she grimaced, "prodding was right. There is no us."

"Liv, you're wr--" he shut his mouth when she turned on her heel and left the room.

*************

A few weeks later...

"I'm sending Rashad with you." Liam explained. "Amanda is already in America with Thomas and has agreed to meet you both in Boston for the initial meeting with Dr. Banerji."

"No one else?" Olivia asked, hoping that he wouldn't add anyone from the Council with to go along too.

"No. Rashad has a meeting at Sloan Industries next week and has agreed to stop for a few days in Boston to help gather the financial aspect for us. Amanda will come and go as often as you need her." Liam smiled warmly at her. "But since this is your project, I think you should be there for as long as you need to."

She bowed her head in thanks. For once, she would have a chance to turn everyone's attention away from her aunt's and parents' traitorous actions and prove that a Nevarkis could do some good in this world.

Her dream to have a research hospital with some of the greatest minds in medicine working towards saving people had been one that had sparked to life the moment she decided to finish her degree in nursing.

Finding out that Dr. Banerji had a history of sorts with Cordonia helped ease the way for her and the others to present their offer.

He and whoever else they could entice would be given not only a chance to build a hospital from the ground up, but to also run it as they saw fit. With Cordonia’s generous coffers supplying the funding, its people and those in the surrounding countries would benefit greatly.

And she would finally have something new and honorable to be known for.

"When do you plan on leaving?" Liam asked.

"Within the next few days." She gathered her notes and slipped them back into her briefcase. "I've asked Hana to look after Lythikos for me."

Liam's eyebrows lifted. "You did?"

"I've come to see that she has a spine of steel hidden under that pink ruffled dress." A smirk settled on her lips. "A person has to have one to deal with the people of my duchy."

He chuckled, nodding in agreement. "True. There's no one else I would trust more to step into your shoes while you’re away."

"If that's everything, I will retrieve Hana and head home to finish packing." She rose from her seat, a softer smile forming as she held her hand out. "I won't let you and Riley down."

Liam pulled her into a hug. "You never do."

**************

Edenbrook Hospital, Boston...

“You wanted to see me.” Ethan paused in the doorway.

Naveen looked up from the initial proposal he had been sent. “Yes. Shut the door and sit down.”

Ethan quirked an eyebrow but did as requested.

“As you are aware, all of our attempts to save Edenbrook have failed.” Naveen began. “There is a lot of uncertainty about everyone’s future.”

“If you think I know the answer to our problem, you’re wrong.” Ethan clasped his hands loosely and leaned forward. “I’m fresh out of ideas.”

“What would you say to forming our own hospital?”

A wry grin formed on Ethan’s lips. “You have about one hundred and fifty million saved up that I don’t know about?”

Naveen chuckled. “No. But I was given an offer.”

“What are you talking about?” Ethan sat up. 

“Shortly after graduating medical school, I was offered a fellowship of sorts in Cordonia.” He handed the letter to Ethan. “And it seems that my reputation along with yours has caught their attention.”

Ethan scanned the proposal. “They’re sending a representative?”

“Yes.” Naveen folded his arms on his desk. “They’re serious. I’ve already received a personal phone call from the king of Cordonia.” He smiled. “From what I was told, you and I would help them create a research hospital.”

“Us?” Ethan narrowed his eyes. “Sounds too good to be true.”

“That’s why we must question those they send to talk to us.” Naveen glanced down at the proposal. “But from what I have gathered, we would be choosing everything. Our staff. Layout of the building. The latest equipment.”

“Definitely too good to be true.” Ethan reclined back in his chair. “Even if we did say yes, you’re talking about us moving to a different country. Permanently, it sounds like.” His brow furrowed. “What would we be doing while it is under construction?”

“I guess we will find out tomorrow.” Naveen’s optimism couldn’t be diminished. Our meeting with them will be at noon.” He motioned for Ethan to leave. “Get some rest. I’ll expect you to find out what they are really asking of us.”

“I suppose there are worst things to sit through during lunch.” Ethan paused at the door. “Would you really want to move somewhere new and start over?”

Naveen slowly nodded. “After nearly dying last year, I already feel like I was given a new lease on life.” He met Ethan’s steady gaze. “Why not go to a beautiful country to begin it?”

"You know, Naveen? I don't think I would mind a fresh start either." The younger doctor smiled at his mentor. "Don't worry. I'll ask the hard questions for you."

"Good. Oh and Ethan?"

"Yes?"

"This stays between us until we find out what this proposal entails." Naveen put the letter in his briefcase. "I don't want to get anyone's hopes up."

Ethan nodded. "See you tomorrow."

***************

Later that evening, Ethan thought about the years he had spent in Boston. The heartaches he had suffered. The patients he had lost. The work that sometimes seemed to be in vain as he battled against the mysteries of medicine.

He gazed out of his window at the city.

Could I leave? See what else is out there? Perhaps find...

He stopped himself from that last thought. The last thing he needed was a complication like love.

His mind turned toward a certain medical intern who he could have possibly had something special.

But his keeping her at arm's length had ended up pushing her into the arms of a certain surgeon.

Bryce had not hesitated in making Casey his.

They are perfect together, Ethan thought. Which clearly shows I made the right decision.

Still, it does make one a bit envious.

He stood up and stretched. Tired from his long day and now these thoughts, he went to bed.

"There's nothing I can do about any of it." He muttered in the darkness. "Tomorrow might point me toward the direction I should take my life."

Ethan couldn't help but wonder if he had caught Naveen's optimistic outlook. The only thing he did know was that he had a nervous type of anticipation thrumming through his body. It had a hopeful tinge to it as he thought about the luncheon tomorrow.

It was that same feeling he had once had when he first became an intern at Edenbrook.