#what a hilarious advantage you have over me and yet I can reduce you to a wet spasming mess

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

Rich Cougar in her late thirties.

Sees hot older man in a beat up vehicle.

Clearly doesn't give a shit.

She senses big dick energy

[indigo-wendigo]

#507: Lost Touch

Transitum Saga #1

            It had been two weeks. Two stressful, arduous weeks since his life had been turned upside down by the one thing that was never supposed to happen to anyone under any circumstances.

           He didn’t know much before this, but he knew enough to know that when time travel was involved, ‘selves’ encountering each other was bad news. Well, his seventeen-year-old self had been sleeping in his guest bedroom. For two weeks. And currently, William was watching the teen lounging on his sofa with the television on, stuck in a state of random awe—or maybe some kind of dissociation. And this happened a lot lately.

           For two weeks.

           With no expiration date yet.

           He watched the skinny, gangly thing finish off another bag of potato chips. He had to shake off the surrealness of watching his own, much younger face enjoy food he himself hadn’t eaten in years. William picked up the remote and turned the volume down on the television. “I hate to ask. But I need a favor.”

           The younger, who the twins had dubbed Will to reduce confusion, met his eyes.

           “I… could use some extra firepower. For a… skirmish that’s going down tomorrow night that I am not supposed to know about. And if I ask my organization for help, I’ll be in trouble because I’ve been this close to being discharged for like nine years—”

           “Why the fuck did you join the military anyway,” he interrupted. “I can’t… imagine any future of mine where I’d be someone’s goddamn soldier.” He looked back to the TV.

           William blinked. “That’s… hilariously ironic. But the twins are unavailable, and I wouldn’t want to involve them in this anyway.”

           Will briefly furrowed his brow. “Mmmmno. I’m good.”

           The eldest stared. “… You know them.”

           The other looked back to him.

           “Dorian… Alex… Marko… Jane…”

           Will grimaced in disgust. “Ugh. Jane is still alive?”

           “Not for much longer,” he replied, watching him finally sit up.

           “Look,” Will dug a cigarette out of his jeans pocket. He froze when William promptly plucked it from his fingers to reinforce the no-smoking inside rule. The teen sighed. “The way I see it, I’m not even supposed to be here anyway. So, one, as far as I’m concerned, this is my only opportunity for a vacation from the shit you plan to eventually send me back to. Two, isn’t it bad for people who—have known us this long to see us together? And three, if something happens to me, that’s bad for you. And…” he waved his hand about and added an eyeroll, “apparently the whole world.”

           William looked away. “Fair enough.”

           “Why do you even have to get involved?”

           “Because people will die if I don’t.” He paused before an append, realizing the first statement had no meaning to him. “And I’m really outnumbered.”

           “About how many.”

           William rubbed the scruff on his jaw. “Twenty-five. Thirty.”

           The younger looked back at the TV. “I can take thirty. If I can take thirty, you can. Unless you’ve lost your touch.” He turned a soda can up to his lips.

           The older gave a singular, subtle nod and went toward his bedroom. “I guess we’ll find out.”

           “Hey.” Will turned and leaned over the back of the couch.

           The other stopped in the threshold of his bedroom, visible down the short hallway.

           “Why is that hilariously ironic.”

           “Who is Alpha clan’s combat leader?” he quipped with a couple bats of his eyelashes before shutting the door between them.

           Will paused before turning back to the television with a scoff and upping the volume.

             There was only so much that William could prepare for. He went in with the plan to cut off their access to the compound the followers had planned to raid, but with so many and just himself, he very well couldn’t trap them all inside a fiery perimeter with him. So, his plan of going in quietly and picking off who he was able to was working just fine. Both his advantage and disadvantage was how dark it was out here in this automobile cemetery.

           And what he did not account for was two Special Abilities being among them, one that helped him identify the guy as Santiago Perez, a Deviant who was able to produce concussive waves that were lethal within close proximity, and another who he did not recognize with the severely unfortunate Special Ability to create magnetic fields. It didn’t take long for his cover to become a death trap.

           William took to running as far and as fast as he could between rusted cars before attempting to duck out of the radar again, but the gal was flinging cars aside like they were throw cushions. The vehicles were popping off the ground like there were bombs underneath them. And the chaos was still heading in his direction.

           He managed to roll under something that used to be a Jeep long enough to take out three more who were blindly shooting electrical and water attacks around. But the sound of warping metal was nearly on top of him. He shuffle-crawled out from under the Jeep and as he was about to dive under another, his chosen target for cover flipped toward him. He narrowly tucked and rolled as it passed over him. On the other side, he flowed seamlessly up to his feet in time to hit the brakes hard to keep from running into Santiago. He felt the tug at the base of his skull, but was about one second too late. Santiago thumped William’s chest with his palm and dealt a forceful boom.

           He was certain his heart and lungs stopped at the same time. William dropped to his knees and fell on his side all before he was able to draw a molecule of oxygen. And even still his organs acted like a full-system meltdown had left them in reboot mode. Santiago prepared another wave, and William’s mind, as blank as it had been for a second or two, was now flooded with an overwhelming thought of “this isn’t how I thought it would end.”

           A blast of flames owned his sight. The heat briefly stole what breath he was able to take. Santiago screamed in agony, but it was severed by a sharp blade of silence. The flames dissipated. Santiago had joined William on the ground, his head almost backwards on his shoulders. William’s eyes followed up another set of legs.

           Will’s hands were still red hot, casting a soft, orange glow under his chin. “So, you have lost your touch.”

           A stumbling relief overtook him and made his lungs finally open up. William pushed himself up to his feet. The remaining followers were stunned by the sight of them both. By the time someone saw the same scars on both their faces, William and Will shed their shirts in unison in one movement. The heat that exploded from their bodies was enough to incinerate any living thing. Alone, William would not have had enough energy for this fulmination. But with another Level Ten, he was able to watch their faces slip from their skulls, see the remaining windows in discarded cars melt and bend. Entire vehicles slowly shrunk to molten, unrecognizable heaps still long after meat had cooked straight to the bone. He ceased fire first and Will followed suit. The teen inhaled deeply to smell the roast around them and released a contented sigh. William let out a breath of his own before looking at him. “You came. Thank you.”

           Will skipped to about-face, shoving his hands in his pockets. “That’s what she said.”

           William followed, clutching his chest from the constricting pain. “DON’T EVEN,” he barked when Will entertained picking up a piece of someone’s arm to sniff.

           “I think this was Jane.”

           “How can you tell.”

           “You could deep-fry that bitch in chocolate sauce, and she’d still smell like shit.”

           William chuckled as they made their way to the vehicle Will must have brought. Then he cringed, realizing he probably stole his Corvette.

           Again.

[xhxhxhx]

Thinking about Ross Douthat’s “The Age of Decadence” this morning:

“Do people on your coast think all this is real?”

The tech executive sounded curious, proud, a little insecure. We were talking in the San Francisco office of a venture capital firm, a vaulted space washed in Californian sun. He was referring to the whole gilded world around the Bay, the entire internet economy.

That was in 2015. Here are three stories from the five years since.

A young man comes to New York City. He’s a striver, a hustler, working the borderlands between entrepreneurship and con artistry. His first effort, a credit card for affluent millennials, yanks him into the celebrity economy, where he meets an ambitious rapper-businessman. Together they plan a kind of internet brokerage where celebrities can sell their mere presence to the highest bidder. As a brand-enhancing advertisement for the company, they decide to host a major music festival — an exclusive affair on a Caribbean island for influencers, festival obsessives and the youthful rich.

The festival’s online rollout is a great success. There is a viral video of supermodels and Instagram celebrities frolicking on a deserted beach, a sleek website for customers and the curious, and in the end, more than 5,000 people buy tickets, at an average cost of $2,500 to $4,000 — the superfluity of a rich society, yours for the right sales pitch.

But the festival as pitched does not exist. Instead, our entrepreneur’s plans collapse one by one. The private island’s owners back out of the deal. The local government doesn’t cooperate. Even after all the ticket sales, the money isn’t there, and he has to keep selling new amenities to ticket buyers to pay for the ones they’ve already purchased. He does have a team working around the clock to ready … something for the paying customers, but what they offer in the end is a sea of FEMA tents vaguely near a beach, a catering concern that supplies slimy sandwiches, and a lot of cheap tequila.

Amazingly, the people actually come — bright young things whose Instagram streams become a hilarious chronicle of dashed expectations, while the failed entrepreneur tries to keep order with a bullhorn before absconding to New York, where he finds disgrace, arrest and the inevitable Netflix documentary.

That’s the story of Billy McFarland and the Fyre Festival. It’s a small-time story; the next one is bigger.

A girl grows up in Texas, she gets accepted to Stanford, she wants to be Steve Jobs. She has an idea that will change an industry that hasn’t changed in years: the boring but essential world of blood testing. She envisions a machine, dubbed the Edison, that will test for diseases using just a single drop of blood. And like Jobs she quits college to figure out how to build it.

Ten years later, she is the internet era’s leading female billionaire, with a stream of venture capital, a sprawling campus, a $10 billion valuation for her company, and a lucrative deal with Walgreens to use her machines in every store. Her story is a counterpoint to every criticism you hear about Silicon Valley — that it’s a callow boys’ club, that its virtual realities don’t make the world of flesh and blood a better place, that it solves problems of convenience but doesn’t cure the sick. And she is the toast of an elite, in tech and politics alike, that wants to believe the Edisonian spirit lives on.

But the Edison box — despite endless effort and the best tech team that all that venture capital can buy — doesn’t work. And over time, as the company keeps expanding, it ceases even trying to innovate and becomes instead a fraud, using all its money and big-time backers to discredit whistle-blowers. Which succeeds until it doesn’t, at which point the company and all its billions evaporate — leaving behind a fraud prosecution, a best-selling exposé and the inevitable podcast and HBO documentary to sustain its founder’s fame.

That’s the story of Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos. It’s a big story. But our third story is bigger still, and it isn’t finished yet.

An internet company decides to revolutionize an industry — the taxi and limousine market — that defines old-school business-government cooperation, with all the attendant bureaucracy and unsatisfying service. It promises investors that it can buy its way to market dominance and use cutting-edge tech to find unglimpsed efficiencies. On the basis of that promise, it raises billions of dollars across its 10-year rise, during which time it becomes a byword for internet-era success, the model for how to disrupt an industry. By the time it goes public in 2019, it has over $11 billion in annual revenue — real money, exchanged for real services, nothing fraudulent about it.

Yet this amazing success story isn’t actually making any profit, even at such scale; instead, it’s losing billions, including $5 billion in one particularly costly quarter. After 10 years of growth, it has smashed the old business model of its industry, weakened legacy competitors and created value for consumers — but it has done all this using the awesome power of free money, building a company that would collapse into bankruptcy if that money were withdrawn. And it has solved none of the problems keeping it from profitability: The technology it uses isn’t proprietary or complex; its rival in disruption controls 30 percent of the market; the legacy players are still very much alive; and all of its paths to reduce its losses — charging higher prices, paying its workers less — would destroy the advantages that it has built.

So it sits there, a unicorn unlike any other, with a plan to become profitable that involves vague promises to somehow monetize all its user data and a specific promise that its investment in a different new technology — the self-driving car, much ballyhooed but as yet not exactly real — will make the math add up.

That’s the story of Uber — so far. It isn’t an Instagram fantasy or a naked fraud; it managed to go public and maintain its outsize valuation, unlike its fellow unicorn WeWork, whose recent attempt at an I.P.O. hurled it into crisis. But it is, for now, an example of a major 21st-century company invented entirely out of surplus, and floated by the hope that with enough money and market share, you can will a profitable company into existence. Which makes it another case study in what happens when an extraordinarily rich society can’t find enough new ideas that justify investing all its stockpiled wealth. We inflate bubbles and then pop them, invest in Theranos and then repent, and the supposed cutting edge of capitalism is increasingly defined by technologies that have almost arrived, business models that are on their way to profitability, by runways that go on and on without the plane achieving takeoff.

Do people on your coast think all this is real? When the tech executive asked me that, I told him that we did — that the promise of Silicon Valley was as much an article of faith for those of us watching from the outside as for its insiders; that we both envied the world of digital and believed in it, as the one place where American innovation was clearly still alive. And I would probably say the same thing now because, despite the stories I’ve just told, the internet economy is still as real as 21st-century growth and innovation gets.

But what this tells us, unfortunately, is that 21st-century growth and innovation are not at all what we were promised they would be.

I wonder if we’ll think about Silicon Valley the way we think about Texas wildcatters and Florida real estate hustlers. 

It’s not that there isn’t innovation in California. There is innovation in California. There was oil in Texas and real estate in Florida too. But their dilemmas are the same: the market has matured. The frontier is a confidence game, but the core is stagnant.

Facebook and Google monopolized social and search. They have the profits that newspapers used to have and broadcasters still do. Apple sells luxury products to the affluent, like the LVMH of Cupertino. They are not growing and innovating. They are insulating.

They acquire smaller firms that might threaten their business: Instagram, WhatsApp, Waze, DoubleClick. They do just enough to insulate themselves. They do no more. A little while ago, they challenged one another: Apple tried search, Google tried social. They don’t do that anymore.

It would be nice if they tried something new.

[ckret2]

Alastor: Do I know you? Pentious: Oh YES you do!! Charlie: Oh they fuckin’ Angel: OH THEY FUCKIN’

There’s like, only so many time I can reply to random Radiosnake asks with “hell yeah, right on!” so now I’m answering with mini fics.

Also the idea that Ally and Sir Pent are trying to be all covert and fake acting all disdainful when they meet and half the hotel figures them out immediately is hilarious.

###

Alastor’s new sort-of temporary boss and the hotel’s thus far only tenant, both sitting at the kitchen table, were watching him cook with smug smiles that had been stretched across their faces for so long that he was beginning to think they were challenging him.

He watched them warily. They were up to something. People shouldn’t be up to something in his direction less than an hour after they’d seen him rip open a tentacle-spewing portal. They should be terrified of him. Those were not terrified faces.

It was very unnerving.

His desire to find out what in Hell they were scheming finally outweighed his desire to look like it didn’t bother him. “What?”

“Sooo.” Charlie raised her eyebrows, grin widening, with an air of deliberate and calculated casualness. “You and Sir Pentious.” She tilted her head, projecting the most angelically innocent curiosity.

Angel leaned forward, resting one set of elbows on the table and propping his chin on his laced fingers, his other set of arms crossed under his fuzzy chest, his arch smile wide enough to show off his gold tooth. “What’s that about, huh?”

Alastor stopped stirring.

Their faces lit up in glee.

He quickly resumed. “Is that his name,” Alastor said lightly. “I suppose you’d have to tell me what that was about,” he nodded toward Angel, “I believe he was after you.”

“Oh, come on,” Charlie said. “Like we didn’t all see that…” She half stood, paused, sat back down, and elbowed Angel, “You’re more flexible, you can do it better.”

“What?”

“The thing with his butt—”

“Oh! Ha, the—” Angel stood but kept his elbows on the table and his chin on his laced fingers, arching his back low and his butt high. He put on a bad British accent as he said, “‘Well, well, well, who do we have here?‘—Or whatever it was he said, I wasn’t really payin’ attention.”

Dryly, Alastor said, “Your impression is terrible.”

“I’ve only got two voices and the second one’s a sultrier version of the first one.”

Charlie pointed at Angel’s raised rear. “Butts don’t lie. What’s the scoop, Al? Sexually tense rivalry? Extreme sadomasochism? Tell us what we just watched out there.”

Alastor pressed his lips together. Their smirks didn’t waver. “Or we could keep guessing,” Charlie said.

“I could call up Cherri,” Angel said, “see if she wants to go grill ol’ prissyfangs—”

“He thinks surprise sparring sessions will help us keep our edges,” Alastor snapped. “He doesn’t try that nonsense unless he’s in a ship he’s already planning to scrap for parts. It’s nothing as… bawdy as you think.”

“Okay, fine. It was sparring,” Charlie said. “We still want to know what is your relationship status with him.”

“I just told you—”

“A-hem.” Angel uncrossed his lower arms and pointed at his own butt again.

They weren’t going to let this go. His gaze darted between them. Look at him, reduced to a subject of relationship gossip. Less than a day in this hotel and all Alastor’s plans to present himself as an amicable-but-aloof mysterious benefactor were out the window. “… If you tell anyone, I’m burning down your hotel.”

Charlie immediately stuck her hand out across the table to shake. “Is that a deal, then?”

Out the window and crashing into the dumpster below. “Oh, fine.” He didn’t take her hand. He wasn’t going to be stupid.

“Good!” Charlie sat back, chin propped between the heels of her hands and curled fingers pressing her cheeks up in a near heart shape. “But you haven’t told us what your relationship status is yet. And you have to, if we’ve got a deal.”

Alastor’s eyes widened with outrage. Telling them that it was worth burning down their hotel over should have been confession enough, were they going to pester him until he said it out loud?! He abruptly turned away from them, stirring furiously. The anticipation was thick enough he could scoop it with his ladle.

With his back to them, he grumbled, “We’re courting.”

Angel barked a laugh. Charlie squealed, “Oh no, ‘courting’! That’s so cute!”

“And we’re trying to avoid picking up each other’s enemies,” Alastor said stiffly. “We’ve both got a strategic advantage as long as our foes don’t know what backup we have. So if this information leaks…”

“My lips are sealed!” Charlie swore. “That was the deal.”

Angel snorted. “If I outed half the guys that’ve hired me, the city’s known gay population would, like, triple. I’m good with secrets.”

Alastor shut his eyes, fighting back a wince. "I could have gone my whole afterlife without knowing that.“

Oh, he was going to have some explaining to do to Sir Pentious tonight.

[crystalelemental]

Ranking the Legendary Heroes - Water

Ah, the cursed season.  The season of additional movement, impossible to tank powerhouses, and unparalleled support.  God I fucking hate this season.

Let’s be clear, all of those things count in AI hands.  In your hands, it’s a cute little gimmick, but on defense teams, it’s all just bastardry.  Anyway, 7 Water legends, ranked by combat potential and effectiveness in Arena.

7) Ryoma.  Hey, if you ever wanted to know what a completely useless unit looks like, here you go.  Flying unit, no adjusted BST, only effect from the weapon is DC, B-slot is just Wrath for some reason.  I guess it’s not all bad.  Guidance is still good, and he has that as a C-skill, so like...that’s something to fodder him for.  At least his refine will be good?

6) Eirika.  Listen, I love Eirika, but oh my god with this.  Her weapon has some interesting effects, but only if she’s near more enemies than allies.  So away from team support again, great.  Sped up cooldown charge and extra defense is nice, but overall insufficient to manage her Book 2 cav BST.  Lunar Brace with Luna is hilarious as a gimmick, but that’s all it is, a gimmick.  Yes, you negate all their defense, and hit for her raw attack stat in damage, OHKOing pretty much everything in the game.  Was it worth it to run a unit so thoroughly outclassed?  No.  It was not.  Great speed and the ability to just deal absolute damage is cute, but she lacks any defensive presence, running Galeforce makes Lunar Brace worthless and takes away her entire niche, and Eliwood still exists in the common pool.  Sorry Eirika.  I love you, but there’s a reason you’re not finished as a merge project yet.

5) Fjorm.  Believe it or not, I think Fjorm has usefulness, even now.  It’s not...good usefulness, but it counts.  Ice Mirror is just a shitty Negating Fang, but it does work against ranged foes, which means it works against some of the other Water legends.  Sure, she’s going to deal 0 damage to Chrom and Leif’s second attack will blow her face off.  Sure, across seasons, Alm and Celica will annihilate her, and I doubt she can handle Julia either.  But she’s trying okay? 

4) Leif.  Okay, and like the flick of a switch, we have gone from utter disappointment to absolute horror.  Everything past this point should be considered one of the best units in the game without question, and a reason why Water season is outright intolerable.  Let’s start with our good pal Leif.  Leif is #4, technically the exact halfway point, not because he has any particular flaws, but because he’s not as disgusting as everyone else.  Leif is stupid good.  Brave Bow effect, and a signature special that gives him a second action, but restricts his movement to one.  Yeah, that’ll definitely stop him blowing my asshole out, thanks game.  Leif is stupid versatile, too.  Death Blow 4 with a Lull for max damage?  Push skill or Fury 4 with Escape Route to hit and run really effectively?  Close Counter/Vantage for dual phase bullshit?  Leif is stupid good.  Which makes it all the more horrifying he’s only number goddamn four.

3) Dimitri.  The most recent newcomer, and already making his awful, awful mark on the meta.  I don’t like Dimitri, his toolkit is ridiculous.  Speed-based damage reduction built into the weapon, on top of +5 to all stats, all for the low low price of being above 25% HP, the easiest HP threshold to maintain.  And that’s just the weapon.  Atrocity gives him omni-Smoke and Seal effect, for -5 to unit and all units in 2 spaces after combat.  Oh, and also it does Pulse Smoke.  Oh, and also, he gets true damage based on 25% of his attack stat, which cannot be reduced in any way.  Because balance!  Oh, and we threw in Odd Tempest, which is an infantry and flying skill that gives them an extra movement every odd-numbered turn.  Because why not!  Seriously, why only eliminate the use of armor units in the game when you can also render cavalry completely ineffective?  Just slap this shit on a melee dancer and bam, what the fuck is Duo Sigurd?  Dimitri is obscenity incarnate, a living monolith to everything wrong with powercreep in this game.  The only respite we have is that he can’t run Null Follow-Up, so a unit like L!Edelgard can, and will, body him.  Celica and a fast Julia also handle him well thanks to his low Res, but your options are limited even with cross-seasonal comparison.  Dimitri’s just disgusting and I hate his legendary form so much.  And again, this is only #3.

2) Chrom.  Listen.  Fuck this guy.  No one pisses me off quite like Chrom.  I think it’s the armor effectiveness.  If he didn’t have that, we could talk.  But no, he got armor effectiveness on top of getting like -9 attack and defense on foes all the time.  He’s excellently min-maxed, but has a superboon in speed that actually makes fast Chrom a thing, because god wasn’t dead enough, we had to dig up the corpse and shit on it.  I’ve been Chrom beat L!Edelgard, a unit with color advantage and massive defense.  I’ve seen Chrom beat a +10 Cecilia with her weapon refine.  Double Triangle disadvantage, and he not only survived her Close Foil boosted retaliation, but annihilated her outright.  What actually stops something like this?  When your biggest, toughest green units are bodied because of armor effectiveness, and double weapon triangle disadvantage isn’t enough to OHKO him or stop him from killing you, what works?  What actually stop him?  Well, nothing.  Nothing stops him.  Not even necessarily getting to him first, because Close Counter.  Now even your melee units who got to him first somehow get bopped.  Not that this is all her runs.  Attack/Speed Push 4 for the speedy builds works great.  Mirror Impact shuts down faster mages who could’ve been a threat.  And for all of this, we haven’t even touched on the strongest aspect of Chrom.  To Change Fate.  His signature assist skill, which not only acts as a Reposition that gives him a second action (but inflicts Isolation, which is totally relevant because he can’t just move again and have that status wear off or anything), but gives him Attack +6 afterwards.  As alluded to with Lucina, movement assists that score for Arena are the most devastating thing in the world, and Chrom is proof positive of that.  Oh, but as an added fuck you?  It’s 500SP.  That’s right!  Chrom can score 185BST without even needing a 300SP C-skill!  So if you were looking forward to the day L!Chrom is score crept, keep dreaming, because he’s going to be here forever.  And yet somehow, despite all of this, he’s only #2.  What unspeakable horror could possibly outrank this garbage?

1) Azura.  Take a look at the last three entries.  Now go check the best legendary units across every other season.  Azura is better than all of them combined.  Because she is all of them combined.

Azura is not a fighter.  Not that she can’t kill when needed, but she’s not meant to.  No, she’s support.  A dancer, specifically.  But hey, we’ve had tons of dancers, what’s the big deal?  Sure, she gives infantry and flying units an extra space of movement, and takes any buff in one stat and applies them to every other stat after dancing so not even Panic can stop it.  What’s the big deal?  Well, it’s that every single top threat in every single season is enabled by Azura.  Any level of power they have on their own is jacked up exponentially by her presence.  What was just L!Alm or L!Celica needing to be avoided now becomes a round of The Most Dangerous Game, as Azura can, at any time, send them hurtling toward your team with an easy +6 to all stats, and if they get the drop on you you’re dead already.  L!Chrom used To Change Fate, but didn’t quite reach your allies?  That’s okay, she danced him, now he has three more movement, and now he can, and will, kill something.  Leif got his special off, but at least his attacks are over and he only killed two of my units.  Oh, right, Wings of Mercy, now he’s killed a third, haha fuck me.  Oh hai Legendary Dimitri.

Every top meta threat, in every game mode, is made worse with Azura present.  She is, to this day, the single greatest instance of powercreep in the entire game.  Nothing has even come close.  Surtr was more immediately obnoxious at the time, but a few good red counters get added and you make Null Follow-Up more common, and he’s suddenly not so bad.  L!Azura, though?  We introduced Lulls to counter her visible buffing bullshit, and she’s still supreme.  We included Isolation effects, and she’s still chosen over other dancers due to the power of her effects.  Even now, as new, powerful dancers like Peony and Triandra are added, they have to face competition from Azura.  Peony escapes this by being essential to scoring for AR, but Triandra?  What luck is she going to have?  Why run a less impressive dance to mitigate lift loss when you do lose matches, when you can just bring Azura for a higher win-rate that loses you nothing?  Even as they’re actively trying to bring in other dancers with unique effects and abilities, it doesn’t even come close to the level of devastation L!Azura inflicted on this game.

“But she only scores 170BST, she can’t be that reliable!”  Actually...that’ll do you just fine.  Especially with two matched blessing legendary units.  Especially with Dimitri or Chrom, who score like 185BST.  That’s plenty to even maintain T21, all you need are two higher scoring allies with that blessing and you’re easily hitting 756+ matches to maintain.  Score creep may some day phase her out of the meta, but I can promise you, it won’t be soon enough, nor severe enough.  All but the top-most matches will still spam her.  We will never be free from Original Sin.  Azura isn’t just the best Water legendary unit.  She is the best unit in the entire game.  She’s so dominant that having a forced blessing doesn’t even stop her being run, to this day, on most AR-D teams.  A mode she’s not even optimized for, she still runs.  That alone should tell you how ridiculous she is.  And with each new threat?  With each skill buff to infantry and flying units?  She only gets stronger and stronger.

[ts-2020-olympics]

EPISODE 5 - “https://streamable.com/2bc03” - Beck

So, I have a very good idea as to what happened. Karen thought they were the one to go with their score, and successfully convinced everyone else to get rid of me. Either to get the gold or to get rid of me, I'm not sure. But I'm on to them. Make no mistake.

Well, to recap past round, Ben ended up winning the gold medal and returning to the game, which I really appreciate, so he'll be immune next tribal he attends, which am sure he is happy with.   That led to Nik W being the next person eliminated.   Then, as well at the arena, Stoner won the silver medal for his tribe, I won the Bronze medal for my tribe, then Pete won nothing.   Today's immunity challenge was a maze, went into the maze thinking I should get a decent time, as I did mazes a bit as a kid, but then my dumb self didn't save the maze properly so had to redo it, then my internet decided to act up so had to refigure out lightshot which cost me more time.  So I ended up with a really rough score, thankfully the 40% bonus will help a little, but I just feel bad and embarrassed by the time I got, and feel like if my tribe loses, it's going to be because of me.   I can't even be too active tomorrow to discuss vote with people if my tribe loses as I am going back home tomorrow, which just makes matters even worse.   So, at the moment, I don't feel too hot, but at the same time, I shouldn't let one bad round set me back either.

first loss as a new tribe, rip. I don’t know how this vote may go because i’ve chatted and bonded with everyone on this tribe, well except kevin and kinda nicole, and no one is really sticking out like an asshole. The new mari-whatever tribe has been just chill vibes which is nice but makes strategy much harder cus like what if they’re all secretly just agreed in getting me out? Who knows. I did talk with Landen and we agreed we wanna work together, he threw out the idea that he may be leaning towards voting out an old Shosha member and he hasn’t talked with Kevin or Nicole at all. I’m talking to Eve, Sammy, and Jacob C as well, maybe we could be a voting block...? We’ll see. 

Sarah felt she’s in danger because of Billy trying to get her out last tribal. I can’t have Sarah out because her and I trust each other so then I think of this idea. Nik just got voted out, Billy is targeting Sarah now... what if I spread a rumor that Billy has a plan to pick off all the yujo members and has a hit list and is playing way too hard now? So basically i tell all my allies that eve and I are really scared because someone told us that Billy wants to pick off the yujo people for an easy vote these next few rounds in the hopes that people won’t trust him if he’s playing too hard like that and hopefully the word gets back to the sonkei tribe members. 

So we have a problem, Eve and I are sticking together as former yujo so we let each other know what the other person has found out. So anyways I talk with Landen for a little while, I trust him, and he proposes this plan to vote out a former Shosha tribe member which i’m not against. He says he’s talked a little with Sammy and Jacob C too. So I let Eve know and she says interestingly enough she’s been talking to Nicole and Nicole proposed that her, Eve, Kevin, and myself all vote together and Eve says maybe against Landen. Eve also let’s me know that Nicole and Jacob C are very very close. So now Eve and I are split, I want to vote with Landen and get a Shosha tribe member out, she doesn’t wanna go against Nicole and wants to vote Landen out. We’re kinda the swing vote here and I want us to make the right decision. 

tribal is getting closer and closer and nobody wants to make a decision! They’re ALL asking ME what to do which i guess is nice but i don’t want them all thinking of me as the decision maker this early. Right now it’s between landen or kevin going so i’m doing what i can to make sure everyone’s fine with writing Kevin’s name down. 

Let's make this quick because I am obviously stressed as fuck and I just had the most whack ass dream about this game. In it, half this cast got kicked out of the game for being minors and it was actually a Facebook game, then we appealed it and held a whole trial bc some chick compared us to South African famous wanted murderers and we were offended so we held a trial and won the appeal and all the minors got back in the game but then there was instant tribal council and it was a live tribal and we were all whispering to send home someone named Charlotte who isn't even in this cast I... Yeah. So  you can tell THAT'S how paranoid I am about this tribal council, my brain is driving me insane. We going in a million different directions!!! Anyway here's what happened last night. As SOON as I sent in my video confessional saying things are going to be fine, Pete messaged me (hilariously enough, he literally just messaged me with news AGAIN, but we'll get to that later.. it wasn't big enough to change the whole confessional) and said that things had blown up. Essentially what he told me was that Nicole is very close with Eve, but she's also very close with Jacob. Because of this those three kind of took control, and essentially Nicole wants to work with Eve/Pete/Kevin/Jacob. That would leave me and Sammy on the bottom. I knew as soon as I heard that, that Nicole's plan was to vote me out tonight. Jacob loves Sammy, so if they're working together closely, I'm the target, that much is obvious. So basically this entire day would be a race to make sure that we can sway Eve and/or Jacob and make sure the votes are on KEVIN, not on me. Because he doesn't talk to anyone. I gave my best pitch to Eve, but I don't think it worked that much, she doesn't like being in the middle. Nicole/Sammy/Jacob were all like "I'm at work" "i'm driving somewhere" "i'm at a party" lol we love excuses. I'm not buying your fake shit, you just don't want to talk to me. Notice how I said would be though.... Teehee! Well, turns out, I told Juls about all this madness, and my hero, the light of my life, has decided to help me out by giving me a Sit-out-at-tribal advantage! Not 100% sure how it works yet, I REALLY hope I get to make some dramatic play with it at tribal and actually talk about using it... But if not, I'm just glad for the safety. While I'm not 100% sure if it would be me or Kevin going home and if we could sway the votes, I'm not willing to risk my safety at the arena. It's just not going to happen. And I want to see how interesting things get when I return! So when it comes to this tribal, that's honestly my main plan. Sit out with Juls' advantage. Laugh as the fireworks play... Hope to GOD that Kevin, who probably gets sent home, dies in the Arena too. Gotta have faith he can be beat. I'm not amazing at challenges, good, but not confident enough that I'm willing to risk my spot in the Arena now that it's gotten down to all active people who are giving it their 100%. Notice how I said I'd make this quick but I didn't? Yeah this is a mess. So... tonight is going to be VERY. Very fun. You could even say it'll be a disaster..? For them, at least.

So, Darcy could prove to be a useful asset to bring close to the end. He voted for me last round, and he said he figured that'd reduce trust between us. Honestly, he's absolutely right, I want very little to do with him now, but I'm just "playing nice" until it's time to cut him out.

Billy is going. Kinda hope he comes back so we can win. Even if we don't it's nice to have an easy vote. I think I need to position myself just a little bit better here. Even if i'm not near the bottom, I need to act like it. I need to have chris and jordan's loyalty over emma. And Emma's over theirs. I need to be in the power position, without being viewed that way. Me not going on skype might help that perception. I'm good at these challenges, this one not included, so I should be solid going forward.

i’m playing a spreading info game.... is it gonna get me in trouble? maybe! it might! but it could also get me far so high risk high reward. please pray that the info i’m leaking doesn’t get tacked back to me

This first part of the game for me has been some of the worst gameplay that I've ever displayed. I've received votes every single tribal, I've made no strong connections, the only guy I trusted 100% got his ass voted out, and I'm sitting in the Arena for the second time. It makes you wonder how the fuck I do this shit without breaking down. Well, that's sort of what I did. I broke down after that tribal man, hard. I fkn hate getting emotional man but it felt like complete SHIT being alone and neglected. Truth is, every way I put it, even though I don't wanna admit it, I got no one but myself to blame. What I need in this game is a reset button. When I come back, and I WILL come back from that arena, I need to start a clean slate and get all that chaos the fuck outta there...for now. Fuck I need to win that arena. So bad. When I go back to Sonkei, Imma make sure that I'm the one on top. 

So for starters, my tribe won immunity the other day, so we got the tribal break we deserved!   Now, waiting on arena, where Juls from my tribe, Landen from Miraitowa, and Jordan from Sonkei are competing for Silver and Bronze, then Pete and Billy are competing for the gold.   In which, my ideal scenario is Billy winning the gold and coming back, as I feel like he could be a potential ally I could have come another swap or merge if him and I make it there together.  Then I'd want Juls to win the silver, since it'd be helpful for next challenge for yushu, then can potentially win another immunity!  Preferably in this scenario, Landen wins the Bronze, just so that one of the other tribes don't end up coming back with two medals.  Anyways, this game is fun, and I made final 19, now to see if I can find anything in Olympic Village this next round, as I have still yet to find something.

I'm going to go ahead and try to improve this situation slightly. I think I have the makings of a fantsatic position, it just needs to be perfect. Billy and Emma fighting at tribal while Chris was doing his own thing pretty much sums up everything I needed. I need either Chris or Jordan to be my new #1. Jordan appears to be a paranoid nut, Chris is the opposite. I tend to have greater successes with the paranoid nut, but who knows. They need to like me back, which is easier said than done. If Billy comes back we are likely winning the challenge. We won't of course, cause that's who we are, but who knows. My semester starts up tomorrow, which is going to harm my activity a tad, and I'm already not that active, but we'll see how that influences anything.

I DID IT I DID IT I FUCKING DID IT THEY ALL THOUGHT ID JUST BE A FORGETTABLE PREJURY BOOT ID SUCK AT ARENA AND BE DONE AND GUESS WHAT IVE NEVER DONE ANY SKYPE ORGS BEFORE AND I STILL FUCKING DID IT SCREW YOU JACOB C SCREW YOU SAMMY SCREW YOU NICOLE AND SCREW YOU KEVIN I AM HERE BECAUSE I FOUGHT FOR IT AND I FUCKING WANTED IT BAD AND I TOOK OUT BILLY TO BE HERE!!! HELL FUCKIN YEAH DUDE IM NOT PLAYING NICE WITH ANY OF THESE BITCHES ANYMORE 

I’ll do a video later. Billy got voted out which was unfortunate as I really like billy and vibe with him but it doesn’t make sense to flip when I think I’m in a good position right now. I had a good convo with Sarah, really vibe with her. I have my alliance with Jordan, Jacob, and Em which I feel good about they’re just real quiet. Need to talk to them more 1 on 1. I have my duo with Pines that I feel real confident about. I hope that’s not my downfall this game but I think pines and I are gonna do great things. 

https://streamable.com/2bc03 - pete wins the gold medal.mp4

Well baby dolls, basically eve tried to exclude me from an alliance but I beat that bitch to the punch! And my fearsome foursome played her like a fiddle while she thought I was going home unanimous in all actuality we had the upper hand and dropped the hammer on Pete 4-2, with Landen volunteering for the arena Eve was left to fend for herself for cute little 24 hours and chaos ensued when she realized what happened hopping between calls and chats to damage control for her lack of judgement in including me into things, therefore she feels on the outs and while I was a part of this scheme and to an extent playing a role of the victim who found solace in a group of three who wanted to vote for me, all of which is false, I’m still using these moments to rebuild a bridge I never knew got burned to ashes so she can potentially INCLUDE me in things going forward, after all we’re both out of the loop right? ;)

Tribal was quite spicy. Nobody reacted to Stoner rolling a blunt while em and billy were arguing and my soul left my body from trying not to laugh. Just found out Billy is not coming back, which honestly whew, because I feel like he'd come back with some vengeance. He's probably a good team player normally, but my only impression was..not great! Hopefully we can come together as a tribe now and aim to NOT go to tribal in the first place. Although I still feel like, entering into this new tribe, there are many, many layers. Salty, spicy layers. Like a delicious onion dip. 

Nicole, watch your ass. 

So let me backtrack to before tribal. You’re probably wondering how I got here! *record scratch* Anyway, so we constructed a tribe to have a 4-3 majority, and in doing that there was always going to come a day where when we lost we would have to choose who was going to go between Pete, Eve and Landen. I feel badly because, they’re newbies and obviously putting a reasonable effort into this game BUT, it’s the name of the game, if the returnees didn’t band together we were going to get picked off and have a hard time like Karen is on their tribe. Anyway, so the day comes and we have to go to tribal. NONE of the newbies talked to me about game before we lost. I need to point that out.  As soon as we lost Eve said “what the hell are we gonna do now”....m’am! WE? WHO’S WE? anyway, I played along and was just about to tell her we were going to vote out Pete when she says she was on a tribe with Pete and could make a good number for us. She says I can pull in Jacob...Jacob can pull in Sammy...hold on a minute. Are we leaving out Kevin? WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE KEVIN? This might as well be a Home Alone sequel because they’re leaving Kevin out of EVERYTHING! or at least that’s what I’m being told (more on that later). So I don’t want any weird advantages to get pulled out of anyone’s pocket at tribal and so I obviously go along with it, I say everyone is fine, Jacob will vote with them, we hate Kevin. Basically whatever we need to do. Honestly, I don’t feel bad. You can’t not talk to people for a full two rounds and then decide when you lose you now have a majority. Anyway so, good thing we kept the Pete vote a secret! Because I feel like Eve would have been able to make whoever had the advantage (Juls, I think) use it on Pete and then we would have been REALLY screwed. Anyway, it worked out. We voted for Pete. He left. Eve yelled. The more than curious thing that happened after the vote that makes me second guess my whole alliance is the fact that Beck came out of nowhere and told me that Sammy knew about the advantage because Juls was talking about it on a call (WHICH IS AGAINST THE RULES BC SHES AT THE ARENA BUT I GUESS WE JUST FORGET THAT PART FOR NOW BECAUSE THERES A BIGGER POINT) Anyway, in short I need to focus on keeping more info for myself and not telling my alliance. I’m used to having a ride or die alliance that I can pour info into like I did with Kinky Booties in Seychelles. I knew that info was going to aid in me going forward. Here I’m not so sure. They could literally vote me out next if they want me and push Eve into my spot because she’s a newbie and in that way, less of a threat. But anyway I tell Beck, as I’m telling them, Beck keeps writing to me as if he is being instructed to tell me more info. I don’t know if it was Juls (again, against the f*ing rules, these newbies are..!!!) or if it was someone in the alliance, maybe Jacob or Kevin. I wouldn’t think Sammy but, I don’t know. Anyway I don’t feel safe, and I’ve beat my lowest placement that I’ve ever gotten BUT, that doesn’t mean I want to get out just yet. I don’t feel good about winning this game but I would like to make it onto a jury for once (I’m always at FTC if I get past premerge 🥳) That’s all I got so far,  check back in for my MENTAL BREAAAAK after immunity results for next round bc if we lose, I’m gonna cry. I can’t deal with this again, especially since the whole Pete situation has been pawned off on me. 

SO we ended up switching the vote within the last few hours to save Karen <3! Karen made a push to save herself by going after one of the OG Blue tribe (Ben) and I was fine with the vote since me and Beck had already been in the works to blindside him in the future and since I think Karen will be more reliable at the moment I was willing to stick my neck out if Juls and Caeleb were down for the plan. With that being said I left it in their hands to make the decision so that it feels like I'm with them and shows them as power players to Beck. As soon as they made the decision I ran to Beck with the news so that he would be in the minority and for him to tell Darcy. I ended up voting Karen because I knew she would be safe but I wanted to create doubt and paranoia in everyone's mind on who voted with Ben and I think I wouldn't be the first suspect you think of. Only a subtle move. For the arena I was rooting for Billy to win to cause chaos on the Sonkei tribe and so that Pete would go home because I think Pete might become a big threat and I rather he be out now than later. Also apparently Juls used the exile to make Landen safe from their tribal council it was obvious they were each other's #1 but now other people are starting to see it. I think that we need to put an end to it because she's telling people like Sammy about her power who she's not even on a tribe with, so it shows she's planning on jumping ship the moment she's not on this tribe. Juls NEEDS to go home. I'm gonna push for her to go home this round, next time I'm on call with Beck I'm gonna try to convince him his best move is to get rid of Juls so that way a big threat is outta the game, and it makes the game that much smoother sailing. It might upset Caeleb but honestly I find people like Darcy and Karen very easy to work with and willing to work closely with me in the long term in comparison to himself or Juls. So my plan is to try and get Beck to consider going after Juls stating how she is not going to be loyal to us come a swap unlike Karen or Darcy would be. 

I, big dumb dumb, would like to retract and apologize about what I said about Beck and Juls bc when Beck told me I actually did message Juls saying I’m stressed and it didn’t occur to me that I ALSO BROKE THE RULES. I turned myself in but, yeah......it’s way harder to remember not to talk to people than I realized. Shame on me for JUDGING THEM for being newbies and not knowing how to follow the rules. This is the opposite of my proudest moment lmao 

Whew what a round. BIlly is gone and honestly gonna miss the guy, I think he would have been a great shield for me at early merge, but im not too bothered by it, because Pete is somoene I think I can work with, so like good either way with this one. If we go to tribal again I am going to be in a very awkward position. Because I dont want to vote out sarah and I think the rest of the tribe does, meaning Im gonna need to make a decision if she is gonna be expendable to me or not. ideally we win until a swap but judging by our performances so far... I wouldnt count on it. I think if we did lose Id convince stoner to work with Sarah and to take out one of emma or jacob. I liek them both but at this point Im running out of options. Im sure theyd do the same in my shoes. I'd like a tribe swap, but in the same sense Im a lil scared of a tribe swap too haha.

Reallllyyyyy tired of going to tribal. Kinda scared of billy now 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 200: Mushroom Mushroom

Previously on BnHA: We flashed back to Tokoyami’s workplace experience and later internship with Hawks. During the former, Hawks was pretty much one step ahead of his sidekicks and poor Toko the entire time, and they were reduced to running around after him as his cleanup crew. A frustrated Tokoyami asked why he’d drafted him and Hawks said it was mostly because he wanted to talk to one of the 1-A kids about the USJ attack. This frustrated Toko, but he still chose to go back to Hawks’s agency during his For Reals Internship, and this time he showed off some new skills he had learned and Hawks was actually impressed. He revealed to Tokoyami that the other reason he’d initially drafted him was because he thought Toko was wasting his potential: “if you’ve got wings, you should stretch them out and fly.” Back in the present, Tokoyami revealed his new Black Fallen Angel technique, in which Dark Shadow basically carries him around in his arms while they fly around. He busted this move out to rescue Aoyama from Kuroiro’s clutches, but before they could capture Kuro, Kendou’s team switched to their plan B, and Toadette suddenly made a mushroom sprout from the tip of Momo’s nose. Okay.

Today on BnHA: Toadette sprouts a bunch of mushrooms everywhere and it’s deeply and profoundly unsettling and no one likes it and what the fuck is wrong with Horikoshi honestly. Anyway, apparently Kendou planned it so that even if Team A was able to counter Kuroiro with a “light” technique, they’d still end up revealing their location, and on top of that they’d weaken Dark Shadow too. Momo tried to gather her team to regroup, but before they could, Team B’s Manga struck with his incredibly badass quirk which allows him to create physical onomatopoeia. Like, this dude creates a wall of giant letters by shouting something to the effect of “BAM KERSLAM” and it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Then he makes the air all humid by whispering the onomato for “muggy.” This causes Toadette’s mushrooms to grow even faster, which I hate so much. Anyway, so Momo is cut off from the rest of her team by the giant letters, and Kendou proceeds to attack, knowing she has the advantage in a physical one-on-one match. The rest of the chapter is just Shouto quietly hyping up Momo from the sidelines, which I think we can all appreciate. Go Momo.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 223, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

LOOK AT THIS ADORABLE COVER CELEBRATING 200 CHAPTERS OF THIS RUCKUS

though it’s interesting that they didn’t get a color page! but this seriously is adorable so it’s fine

(ETA: and they probably didn’t get a color page because this chapter is the shortest chapter in history lol. we’re lucky we got what we did.)

I’m trying to figure out if Katsuki is actually trying to smile but just doesn’t know how to do so on command. like, he’s baring his teeth, but it’s not quite as ferocious as usual, ya feel? I feel like he knows the mechanics of smiling on a theoretical level but has no idea which muscles to use, and so he just ended up like that and was all “fuck it that’s close enough.” if you really want him to smile you gotta earn it

meanwhile Shouto is just not making any kind of effort at all. I don’t think he was ready yet

and Iida is clearly the one taking the selfie so let’s take a moment and give him some props for getting as good of a shot as he did considering what he’s working with

this also feels like as good a place as any to stop for a sec and analyze the changes in Horikoshi’s art style over the past 200 chapters. overall it hasn’t changed all that much, but one thing I’ve noticed is that the characters’ faces used to be longer and more angular, particularly the chin area (especially the male characters), and nowadays they’re all a bit more rounded out. also their necks used to be longer. the overall effect is that they all look a bit younger and more adorable. characters like Ochako have barely changed at all, but the difference is much more apparent in characters like Todoroki and Shinsou and even Deku himself

anyways, just wanted to make a note of that, since it’s something that’s been in the back of my mind since Shinsou’s reappearance. now back to our regularly scheduled chapter!

so yeah, mushrooms

something about this is so powerfully and viscerally unsettling. do I have mycophobia??

ffffffff oh my godddddd

or maybe it’s just the ol’ trypophobia acting up. ffffff I feel nauseous in a way I haven’t since fucking Moonfish’s teeth attacks. please don’t tell me the whole chapter is going to be like this, because I’m not kidding when I say that my stomach is doing flips in the bad kind of way

(ETA: yeah it’s definitely mycophobia. fungus creeps me out. this chapter is a fucking nightmare for me honestly. the weird thing is mushrooms are actually delicious. I don’t mind eating them, I just don’t want to look at them or acknowledge them ever basically I guess. anyway. back to this ordeal.)

this is a fucking nightmare quirk. this is up there with Centipeder. if I had this quirk I’d be knocking on AFO’s door all “take it, buddy. go ahead and sign me up for your evil army, whatever. just fucking take it dude”

also just a reminder that her name is actually Toadette. it just is

you know it’s bad when I agree with every word that Mineta is saying

RIGHT?!

fucking Awase trying to play it off like it’s not so bad. even though she has a bad habit of “spamming” them “everywhere.” holy shit. at this rate I’m going to have to cancel the entire class B. you’re all fucking contaminated jesus christ

(ETA: and looking more closely at Awase’s face, you can tell that he’s secretly traumatized and has Seen Some Shit and he’s trying to play it cool here but buddy we know. it’s okay. you’re among friends here.)

so now Kuro is hiding inside one of the mushrooms

didn’t you already try this plan. didn’t you literally just try this and it failed

also wouldn’t Dark Shadow notice that some guy was hiding inside of him? I feel like he’d notice that. no?

so apparently this was Kendou’s plan. she’s counting on A Team not realizing that B Team can take control of Dark Shadow

so they can do that then? then why didn’t they do that earlier when Kuro hitched a ride on Dark Shadow back to their group??

(ETA: lol exactly how long did it take me to realize this was a flashback)

ah, okay, so that was part of the plan. hold up, let me just shut up and read this whole thing before I cast any further judgement

...well that tells me absolutely nothing. okay so they thought that would work, but just in case it didn’t, they had a plan B also which we’re about to see take effect now. okay then so let’s see it!

so meanwhile Momo is telling her team to stay calm and that they need to regroup

and now there’s a lot of noise coming from deeper within the training ground

what the hell is happening here. this almost sounds like it’s purposely meant to be a distraction

now something is zooming down the corridor too fast to be seen

(ETA: lol those were the letters)

OH SHIT!!

IS THIS MANGA’S POWER?? HOLY SHIT!?

and if it is, then why are they surprised? surely the first fucking thing they would have done upon seeing Manga would be to ask what the hell their quirk is. like, if I personally saw someone walking around with a speech bubble in place of a head, I wouldn’t be able to fucking sleep at night until I knew. it’s just one of those things. you gotta know

we have a new Best Quirk ladies and gentlemen. sorry, whoever it was that had the previous best quirk. you had a good run

(ETA: so I just got done answering an ask about the class B quirks and I gotta say, Horikoshi really outdid himself with most of them, they’re amazing.)

can he only materialize katakana or can he do hiragana, kanji, roman alphabet, etc.? inquiring minds want to know

(ETA: I bet you he can do all of them. Manga ilu)

also class B has several people with no actual heads or faces and I’m very curious as to how they see, hear, etc. he doesn’t have eyes, people!!

but I still love him though

wow his letters are so sturdy that Aoyama’s laser can’t even scratch them. holy shit. you know two paragraphs ago when I was all “best quirk” but like jokingly? well now I’m thinking real seriously on it, let me tell you though

okay what

okay now I’m pretty fucking sure this is in fact the strongest quirk of all time!?

lmao Satou is wondering the same thing as me about Manga’s powers. “how would those onomatopoeia work in foreign countries?”

(ETA: Viz’s translator Caleb Cook took this to be Horikoshi’s way of saying “lol sorry in advance for this bruh” which I find hilarious.)

and Sero’s all “I DUNNO JUST BE QUIET AND WATCH.” Sero I feel personally attacked

oh shit it looks like Manga’s wall cut Momo off from the rest of her squad

well you know what, if Horikoshi had to make them lose for plot reasons, then this is about as good of a job as he could have done. you know that if Momo had remained with the rest of her team they would have pulled out a victory. Kendou knew that cutting her off from the others was key

OHHHHHHHHH SNAP

YESSSSSSS BRING ME MY BADASS LADY BATTLE

damn Kendou’s attack was so powerful that the impact still hit Momo even with the shield up

whoa, had we seriously not gotten one of these for Kendou before? even with everything she did during the Fanfic Lodge arc?

I love that she was smart enough to know that she wasn’t smart enough to best Momo. like, that’s not a knock against her at all; according to the character book Momo has S-ranked intelligence, the highest you can get. she’s on a level matched only by the Rat Principal and fucking All for One (and All Might, but he’s S-ranked in everything and clearly that’s just because he’s All Might)

and for the record, Kendou herself has A-ranked intelligence, which is the same level as Mei and smarter even than Deku and his Big Hero Brain. so yeah -- she’s good

and I got a bit off track, but anyway I was just trying to say that I love that she knew she had to strategize so that she could battle on her own terms

she’s shouting that she won’t give Momo any time to think

and she’s diving in with some more attacks!

so now it’s Momo’s turn, though! this is how she lost to Tokoyami in the sports festival! he took advantage of the fact that she needed a moment for her quirk to activate, and also to think of a plan. this is a weakness Momo has to overcome if she’s going to keep moving forward

ooh, Todoroki is still quietly confident in her!

so now Tetsu’s looking at him in surprise

and now Momo’s thinking back to what Kendou said about Momo constantly outshining her

and she’s thinking that Kendou couldn’t be more wrong, that even now she’s still just a novice

yes!! show her, Momo!

LOOK HOW SUPPORTIVE HER BOYFRIEND IS

fuck me, I’m gonna have to figure out how to work Shouto into this polyamorous MomoJirouKami triangle thing. why does everyone in 1-A have so much respect and admiration for each other??

and especially for someone like Momo, who even now is still so hard on herself and lacks confidence, to have someone who has such absolute faith in her is so, so huge. and Shouto is just so fucking eager to tell the whole fucking world how much he believes in her and how she’s going to kick ass and just wait and see

YESSSSSSSSSSS

oh my god. I’m so fucking conflicted!! I want Momo to kick ass so bad. but I don’t want 1-A to just sweep all five battles. and I also want Kacchan’s team to win because he needs a fucking win! but if anyone else from 1-A wins leading up to his group, then I feel like he can’t because that would mean 1-A wins the whole thing then and there, and Deku’s group becomes just a formality at that point

also holy shit you guys, this chapter was only 10 fucking pages. and one of those was a (black and white) cover page. this has got to be the least amount of fanfare I’ve ever seen for this kind of milestone, particularly for a series at this level of popularity. damn

but I’m guessing Horikoshi just needs a break, which is fine. probably it’s either shorter chapters, or One Piece-style frequent weekly breaks, or else unfinished chapters like we get every so often. I generally think it’s good for the writer of the series to get to sleep more than three hours a night, so sure, you know what, do as many 10-page chapters as you like. I’ll be grateful for whatever lol

(ETA: apparently Horikoshi mentioned in an author’s comment back in December that he was moving. so that may well be why the chapters got really short for a while. the last half dozen or so have been a consistent 15 pages each, so hopefully we’re past that now and I can get my solid weekly fix for the next couple weeks until we hit Golden Week and WSJ goes on break and I fall into withdrawals and have to compensate by seeing Avengers: Endgame seven times sob.)

[supergenial]

The Byleth Diatribe

clickbait title: if you thought Byleth was creepy, wait until you read this!

Intro

In the past couple months it's really gotten my attention the fact that some people cannot stand looking at images that depict the teacher character from fire emblem three houses (Byleth) with their students in a romantic manner. They arrive at this disgust due to the parallels it traces with real life teachers who take advantage of their students. While I don't share this sensibility, I do think it's an interesting topic to think of so I'd like to explore why these people are correct in their conclusion that Byleth is creepy, but entirely wrong in their logic-path to it.

1) Byleth is just not an actual character

To address the elephant in the room, Byleth is literally a non-character. In a game filled with wonderful dialogue that fully exposes character motivations for a massive cast, it's hard to think of this one silent teacher as a real character that normally exists in that world. Byleth's "character" is purely an afterthought to their role as the Player Avatar. Surely enough in previous installments of the series you had Robin, Corrin and Kris, but their situation was partly different.

Robin and Corrin were proper characters as much as every other character in their game. They held conversations with the other characters, they expressed themselves in regards to the events that happened to them, some would even dare to argue they were better written that some other characters in their respective games if only because their heightened importance to their respective plot lines inevitably helps them have more dialogue, and even a bad writer has to stumble into writing something good eventually which means in some scenes they’re able to overcome the barrier of being bland by design.

Byleth however has none of this. At best they're given 2 or 3 text choices at any given time, and any bipartisan conversation that involves them is more of a soliloquy by the other character, with the player input being largely irrelevant to the flow of the conversation aside from changing the very immediate reaction that follows that same input.

As such, the notion that Byleth is a creepy teacher who's grooming their students to be their personal sex slaves is misconstrued in the fact that Byleth simply has no real motivations, hence no intent. It is equally as valid to assume they could be a straight laced no-nonsense teacher or a deviant who preys on children, because no conjectures can be traced to their personality, as it doesn't exist. We can't deduce what is it that Byleth wants out of life because the avatar has no life and exists purely as a videogame terminal. We don't know what they enjoy outside of the very few things we the players are allowed to do as the character, which is why so much Byleth fanart involves fishing, cooking, or drinking tea, the few hobbies we indulged in while playing as them.

There is however something innately perverse about Byleth, it's just not the fact they're a teacher, but rather the fact they're the player.

2) Player avatars are inherently creepy, and so are dating sims

Fire Emblem is a fantasy game. In Fire Emblem games you will not only find unreal things like dragons and magic, but also straight up impossible things such as kind-hearted rulers that care about protecting and improving the lives of their constituents. The three real main characters in this game all have pure motivations and genuine desire to improve the world (yes... even Edelgard). As such, we can expect the same purity and lack of reality from a hypothetical Byleth that has a personality. It's fair to assume they'd be legitimate teachers with no creepy intentions who, through the vicissitudes of life, end up inadvertently falling in love with their students. In a fantasy land where every "good guy" is pure in nature there is no concern of Byleth grooming Dimitri, or of Edelgard forcing some ill intentioned quid-pro-quo with her right hand strategist whom she is obsessed with, because it's simply fantasy where everyone is nice and pure so things just magically always work out.

There is however an insidious factor lurking over this fantasy land, and that is the player. An omnipotent being who decides who lives, who dies, who gets married to who, and who stays alone because we just don't like them that much. The player can send Ashe to get the last hit on Lonato, just out of morbid curiosity to see what is the special dialogue that they have in that situation. The player can recruit Felix and then have Felix kill Rodrigue in the crimson route, just to see what hilarious quip will the son bark at the father. And of course, the player gets to decide who gets married to the lifeless slab of meat and bones with no emotion that is the Player Avatar. If anything breaks the idea that these characters are well written or realistic, it is the fact that they can all fall in love with someone who cannot communicate with them, all because of the emotions they magically choose to believe the avatar has, or rather, we choose to make them believe it.

In a "set" story like fire emblem echoes or path of radiance, the epilogues have little to no variety because the characters will just be themselves regardless of the player's input. No matter how much you want to see Celica's reaction to Faye getting together with Alm, that is simply not going to happen because their bond is set in stone, it cannot be altered, it is a "set" story. Likewise Nyna in new mystery of the emblem will never, ever fuck Sirius regardless of what she or the player wishes. Three Houses on the other hand is more like a playground than a book, the player will mess with the lives of these characters until they get bored of them, seeing every possible unlikely combination programmed into the game just out of curiosity to see what the characters will say, to squeeze out every last bit of "Content" that the game has until they get bored of it and move on to something else, effectively reducing the characters from "characters" to mere consumables. 

Hence why I can't help but laugh at the notion that Byleth is creepy by nature of being a teacher when they're so much more than a teacher and so much more creepy than a creepy teacher. They're an in-game god (hell, lore-wise they're also a god in every ending except crimson). Byleth can quite literally mind control other characters into loving them as long as they're given enough flowers and tea. Look at Sylvain's C support with Byleth and tell me if it's natural for a guy like him to fall in love like that after saying he wants to murder Byleth (surely enough, it's even creepier for players to fall in love with him because of that support, as Sylvain is an extremely interesting character but only in his other supports).

This is why you see people saying that Felix and Annette are a great couple, or that Marianne and Dimitri are made for each other, but you don’t really see people saying that Byleth’s pairing with x is cute. When two proper characters interact all the way to their A support and fall in love that way, you’ve actually seen their story develop, you can feel happy for them. Pairing Byleth with a proper character fulfills your desire to monopolize that character and get a neat special artwork of them, but has it really been a good story and feel like this is a good conclusion for them? No. (I’d be willing to say Byleth and Dimitri do make a somewhat good couple though, but that point would be much easier to defend if Byleth could actually communicate properly)

It wouldn't matter if Byleth was a 15 year old teacher, or a 17 year old student that's a peer to the classmates, or if all of the classmates were older than Byleth AND teachers instead while Byleth is a student. By the mere nature of the player input and Byleth's lack of character, the pairing is screwed up to begin with. 

What I'm getting at is that pairing Byleth with Catherine or Shamir is equally as fucked up as pairing Byleth with Dimitri (I would argue moreso because come on... Shamir and Catherine are totally girlfriends and you're just squeezing yourself in, have some respect).

In other words Byleth is only creepy because you are creepy. You're playing a game where you can date people who cannot possibly refuse you. Even if you remove that factor, you'd still be playing at making children fuck each other in whatever way you see fit. Something is wrong with you. You're the only impure factor affecting this game.

3) Fire Emblem will always suck

This is my favorite series of games but come on guys, you know fire emblem will always suck if you care about this kinda thing. In fire emblem fates Corrin has a wide variety of about 9 flavors of incest to choose from. In fire emblem awakening Robin can marry an amnesiac woman with head trauma who can't even speak complete sentences and is entirely dependent on him to subsist. The fanbase has grown so twisted they actively wanted Byleth to get married to Alois, a married man with children, and were disappointed when they didn't fuck in that paired ending (though I understand getting upset about the lack of gay supports, but hey that's just yet another way in which fire emblem chooses to suck).

Hell this is the fanbase that considers Berkut and Rinea to be a cute couple, what the actual hell guys. Go ahead and criticize the games but as long as the shipping simulator is included in the series, the games will always be creepy in their very nature, and guess what: the shipping simulator happens to be one of the most popular features and the one that people say it's the best written part of every game, so go figure if they're going to remove that.

ps: if you want a fire emblem with no paired endings, path of radiance has your back, it is my favorite! and if you want to avoid supports altogether, try Radiant Dawn, that's some good stuff.

4) Just for fun: the actual most fucked up ships in the game

-Lysithea with Linhardt, Byleth or Hanneman, or anyone.

When I recruited Lysithea in my first playthrough I didn't know she was a strong unit, instead I simply did it because I saw this sassy lost child wandering the halls and just really didn't want to kill her. I wanted her to live on and see her have a happy epilogue. Imagine my surprise when I reached the epilogues and it turns out she just simply dies shortly after the story if you don't pair her up with anyone. The exact one thing I wanted to avert was having her meet an early death, yet the game simply has her die anyway.

At the end of my deer playthrough I was all set to click on Hilda when I realized, wait a minute, Lysithea is going to die if I do this, right? And that is in fact the case. She can only live by supporting Hanneman, Lindhart or Byleth, and I had not recruited those two. So I click on Lysithea but it's kind of a tainted click isn't it? Not that I dislike her or anything, but once you throw in that additional motivation the scales have been irreversibly tipped in an unpleasant manner. I have effectively been guilted into picking her.

On to a third playthrough. I see Felix has really cute supports with Lysithea, but I can't have them supporting each other because I know she still meets an early death with him. And Lindhart, well his supports aren't bad and he's a great guy but they're certainly not as fun supports as Felix's. Hanneman fortunately doesn't seem interested in that way when you pair him up with Lysithea (not that he has any restraints when it comes to his supports with Dorothea...) so you can still have that as effectively a "solo" end for her in which she lives, but it's still kind of messed up. By giving her the Hanneman ending I'm condemning her to miss out on love for the rest of her life so that she can live on, but isn't love the reason we live on to begin with? Overall, I'd say Lysithea x Lindhart or Byleth is certainly a creepy support in the very nature that you have to do it or else you're a murderer, because you had the power to prevent this death and chose not to.

-Flayn with literally anyone

Imagine if a grown adult man could disguise himself as a high schooler, infiltrated a school and got married to a girl less than half his age. People would hate it, people would riot, Intelligent Systems would be over. But that is Flayn everyone! Fire Emblem is no stranger to the stupid trope of "little girl who's actually hundreds of years old", but I'll argue that Flayn is markedly different from Nowi. Nowi is most definitely a cartoonish fantasy character, who still acts like a little girl despite being hundreds of years old. She's literally bait for pedophile nerds with a flimsy shield in her supposed age, which she and her fans openly flaunt as if it really meant anything when the intent of her character is so transparent.

Flayn on the other hand is a legitimately mature character (as far as maturity goes in this game...) who is pretending to be a high schooler to get hitched with a student, all while hiding her real age entirely on purpose. An actual wolf in sheep's clothing (or dragon in sheep's clothing in this case...). And she can s-support literally every single male student except for Hubert (for story reasons) and Sylvain (for Sylvain reasons). Not only that but she doesn’t support any females other than Manuela, her fellow cougar, and she doesn’t support any of the older men like Hanneman showing she’s only interested in young blood.

But hey everyone! Flayn is just the little meme fish girl trapped in the mcdonalds playplace so we all give her a pass right. Overall though I'd say her creep factor is still significantly lower than Nowi's if only because her design isn't a chore to look at.

-Rhea x Byleth

This is some galaxy brain 5D chess grandmaster type of shit I tell you. Capitalizing on the sickening mommy fetish that's been rising up recently internet the crackhead team of geniuses at intelligent systems decided to pull Joker's Trick on people who are into that kind of thing. First they have her be the oldest non-wrinkled character, then they give her Kikuko Inoue as a seiyuu (famously known for often playing mom roles), then they give players that one scene where Byleth rests on her lap like their kid, and then? Then the game tells you Rhea is the daughter of Byleth. Wait a minute, what the hell? I can't even begin to think this one out because at this point my brain has turned to tofu and I am forever perplexed by this turnaround, hats off to intelligent systems for their ultimate jest.

After fates and this I positively cannot wait to see what new incestcoaster they'll turn my guts inside out with in the next entry of the series, Fire Emblem is truly the finest series of horror games disguised as jrpgs.

Obviously, this post was written in jest. I don’t actually believe you’re an inherently creepy person for playing fire emblem, nor do I think Flayn is a predator deviant (hell I don’t even think Nowi is that bad). I just found it truly interesting how people’s sensitivities can activate in these fictional settings (and do think those sensitivities should be respected) but when I try to activate those neurons my mind ends up in a whole different place. So yeah, just having some fun.

Also check out the rest of this trilogy with Three Houses sucks actually and Three Houses is good actually. I seriously hope I never feel like writing anything about this game ever again.

[emilyplaysotome]

Chapter 16 - Surprise, Surprise

Catch up on all Chapters here: http://emilyplaysotome.tumblr.com/post/173554646607/down-the-voltage-rabbit-hole-the-sequel-master

“Well he’s mucked it all up, hasn’t he?” The king asked, staring down at Eisuke with disdain.

The normally bustling restaurant was now completely still in a way that felt unsettling. Waiters placed food down on tables and poured water suspended in time and space as the king and I continued to live our lives in regular time.

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused as to what the king was getting at.

“He wasn’t supposed to be the sixth man, but…I’ll admit in a way he is.”

“What?”

“You had one guess and he wasn’t the one.”

I could feel my heart sink at those words, but watching the king I could tell that there was more going on to this situation than met the eye.

“I lost?”

“You were supposed to lose if you guessed him but I realize now that you’re correct in a way, and a deal’s a deal.”

“Wait…I’m sorry. I’m confused. Have I won Meg back or not?”

“Yes,” he said begrudgingly. “I’ll allow it. I know you think I’m a cheat, but I assure you that’s not the case.”

I was still uncertain as to what was happening when the king sighed and with a groan snapped again, producing Meg in front of me out of thin air.

“Naomi!”

“Meg!”

We hugged and even though we were ecstatic to be reunited once more, the king didn’t care much for what was happening with the two of us.

“You’re lucky I decided to read his mind when I did Goldfish or I might not have been as generous,” he droned on in the background.

His general attitude made me worry that my seeing Meg might be short lived, and I pulled away from her in order to figure out if I had her back for good this time.

“So I no longer have to guess the sixth man, right?”

The king let out another annoyed growl, almost was as if he was angry at me for not being the mind reader that he was.

“No. I will accept Eisuke even though the correct answer was Toma though.”

“But…”

“It’s my fault for not seeing it sooner. I had hoped that he would help me trick you, but it never occurred to me that his desire to come to this realm was more about being able to be there for you. I should have done more research before I approached him with my plan.”

“Research?”

“Good heavens you’re an infuriating one today! Yes. Research. You weren’t really on my radar when you first arrived, remember? Leon was the one keeping an eye on you and it was only when he started reporting to me that you were making eyes at Zyglavis that I began to check in.”

“Oh.”

“I witnessed him go to bat for his friend but it never occurred to me…not once…that he might be pining away for you while still supporting his friend.”

I felt lucky that the king was being generous, but I was surprised that he’d failed to fully understand who he brought to this world. I had it in my head that the whole time this had been a David vs. Goliath story and that most of the events that happened around me were his doing - managed by a mastermind of mischief. It had never occurred to me that he was rolling the dice as much as I was during this process, though maybe thinking that way about him was a bit too liberal in regards of his abilities to see how things would play out.

It was odd seeing someone like the king as fallible and naturally it was the moment I thought such a thing that the king let out a caustic chuckle and added, “I forgot how strange and sentimental you goldfish are. I’ve watched you for my entire life, over so many periods in human history and yet I often forget about your capacity for complexity.”

He looked at Eisuke somewhat wistfully and with a gloved hand gently touched his frozen cheek. Meg and I glanced at each other unsure as to what was happening until the king looked at us with a bright smile.

“Should I take this one back to my world too?”

“Actually…and I can’t believe I’m saying this but…can I keep him here for now?”

“Have a change of heart are we?”

“Mmm doubtful, but I think he might come in handy if you’re willing to give me that small advantage.”

The king clicked his tongue and with a wry, teasing smiled noted, “You seem to be doing far too well all things considered. And now that you have her I worry that I might be the underdog in this game I’ve orchestrated.”

“I’m sure you’ve still got a few tricks up your sleeve,” I said cautiously.

To that he grinned at me like the Cheshire Cat and nodded before snapping his fingers and restarting time.

Eisuke’s steak should have gone cold considering how long the king and I had talked, but true to the magic the king’s presence injected into this world I watched as he brought the steak to his lips and chewed, as if this second bite 15 minutes later was identical to the first. It took him a few seconds to register Meg’s presence and when he did he raised an eyebrow before giving her a small nod and taking another bite.

“Pull up a chair if you want to order something,” he said, gesturing to a waiter who pulled up a chair for her.

“Nice to finally meet you,” Meg said. “I feel like I’ve heard far too much from your annoying friends.”

“Oh?” Eisuke asked despite his tone hinting at his disinterest.

“Fuck! I’m glad to be back,” Meg said chuckling before waving over a waiter and pointing at Eisuke’s steak. “Hey - I’ll get what he’s eating.”

I couldn’t help but smirk at Meg’s attitude. I remembered vividly all the emotions I’d felt upon my return and there she was looking at her time away almost as if it was merely a nuisance. She looked great - slightly more fit and was wearing a cool and very fashionable bizarro Tokyo outfit.

Her hair was styled in beachy waves and she wore a fitted shirt that hugged her curves and left her shoulders and clavicle bare with dark jeans and cute ballet flats. Her makeup was done differently than her usual look (when she chose to wear makeup) and instead of a natural look her eyes really popped thanks to her dark winged eye liner.

“Naomi - I have to say...I’m glad the only person on the planet who understands what happened is you because fuck!”

“Must you keep cursing?” Eisuke asked in a slightly perturbed tone.

Meg turned towards him and looking him directly in the eyes smiled and said, “Fuck you and fuck your criminal friends.”

It was then that the relief of having her back for good combined with the scene playing out before me caused me to belly laugh in a way I hadn’t done since her disappearance. My laugh made Naomi start to laugh and in a matter of moments we were reduced to two giggling schoolgirls. 

In fact, we laughed so hard and for so long that by the time our laughter finally subsided, Meg’s steak had arrived and Eisuke grumbled, “It’s not that funny,” in protest of being completely out of control for once.

“How bad was it?” I asked.

“I mean...you’ve met me. And you’ve met Baba...”

“Oh boy.”

“I don’t know what it is about guys like him that make me want to knock them down a peg...”

“God I want to know everything...”

“So much happened. I think I broke the romance world you love so much.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. I don’t think there’s a single trope in that world I came to appreciate. For sure not the ones that are friends with him, but even outside of the hotel.”

“Really? You weren’t tempted by any of them? Not one?”

Meg hesitated for a second and in that second I knew that she’d met someone who had stirred something in her heart, despite the broken state it might currently be in. She lied in that moment though, shaking her head no and said, “Not really. And what about you?”

“I’m just happy to have you back, and I’m surprised that the king allowed it.”

“Why wouldn’t he have allowed it?” Eisuke asked curtly.

“Because the sixth man wasn’t you. But apparently you like me sooooo...”

Never in my life did I think I’d have the chance to tease Eisuke and I was not about to let this one pass me by. 

His cheeks immediately flushed and he defensively lowered his eyes to his food and both Meg and I cackled. It was a bit mean of us but we were back to being two peas in a pod and as insensitive as it was it couldn’t be helped.

“I’m certain I don’t know why,” he said gruffly, desperately trying to regain the upper hand. 

It was obvious that a man with such ego was not used to being at a disadvantage, and he continued to go about his business eating as the red hue in his face continued to deepen.

“Because Naomi is great - don’t give me that shit,” Meg quipped, eating her steak in a voracious manner. “And all of you have a complex where no one sees you for who you are and once they do you all fall fucking hard.”

Eisuke’s silverware clattered against his plate as he dramatically let them fall out of frustration.

“Must you curse like a sailor? We are in a nice steakhouse trying to enjoy a nice lunch...”

“I’m enjoying my lunch just fine and after being kidnapped for a month or two I’m just happy to be back in a world where people curse and aren’t incredibly reserved. The cultural differences between here and fake Tokyo were really starting to wear on my dumb American spirit.”

“I see,” he said, his words reeking of judgement. “I can’t imagine your charm did much for you in my world, unlike Naomi who somehow walks that perfect line between empowered and ladylike.”

“Ahaha hear that Omi?”

“Shut it.”

“And I’ll have you know Mister Ichinomiya,” Meg said, mouth full dragging out his name for effect, “Your buddies were pretty taken with me. Seems like my honey badger spirit was quite refreshing when compared with the meek women at the Tres Spades who just follow you and your boys around like dumb groupies.”

“Excuse me?”

Meg nodded, cheeks full of steak and a happy, slightly messy smirk. She chewed a bit more and swallowed the hunk of meat she’d been working on before replying triumphantly, “Yeah dude. Baba thought I was hilarious and told me I managed to ‘breathe life into the stalest of chases’, Mamoru felt as if I could just be one of the guys, and Ota kept saying he wanted me to be his pet or some shit, but by the end he was all blushy and asking me if I’d dom him.”

“I really didn’t need to know that,” Eisuke said with a disgusted look on his face.

Meg shrugged unfettered by Eisuke’s discomfort, and took another swing of water before flippantly replying, “You asked.”

“Yeah you kind of did...” I echoed.

“Naomi, do you think you could catch up with your friend some other time?” Eisuke asked more forcefully than usual.

Meg let out a chuckle and popped the last piece of steak in her mouth before getting up.

“Sure Romeo. I’d like to catch up on email before everyone realizes I’ve gone missing. How long has it been?”

“Not long,” I reassured Meg. “Like...4? 5 days?”

Meg scoffed and shook her head, “That’s crazy. It was almost a month in that world.”

“Believe me I understand.”

She picked up her bag, which had made it to and from the otome realm with her and told me to text her when I was done with work and left, not even bothering to say goodbye to Eisuke.

Meg had come in her usual loud, boisterous self and her absence left us in silence. Eisuke motioned to the waiter for the check, and once it had been delivered he put down cash.

“That friend of yours is...quite crass.”

“Meg is always herself no matter the company.”

“She’s your best friend?”

“One of them.”

“You can’t have more than one best friend. That negates the title.”

I could feel myself about to get into an argument but stopped myself and instead looked him square in the eyes and asked, “What is it that you really want to say?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

Eisuke paused momentarily, pursed his lips and said, “If you think I’m about to confess my love you’re sorely mistaken.”

“So you didn’t come here to win my heart then?”

“I came here for Soryu. But...then I saw you and we started arguing and I felt a strange affection for you. I wouldn’t say I want to win your heart...more that I’m irritated you can’t see that I’m better than any man you could ever hope to date. I shouldn’t have to win you. You should be trying to win me. And you don’t. And that infuriates me.”

The scene felt reminiscent of a therapy session if I’m being honest and I watched him unpack the things he was feeling, his expression twisting with discomfort as he realized how hard it was to not always get what you want.

The waiter returned with his changed and he left a nice tip, stuffing the rest into his wallet quite carelessly which was unlike him. I could tell he was agitated, not to mention frustrated by how his true intentions had come to light and when he stood to leave the table I grabbed ahold of his sleeve.

“No. Let’s finish this.”

“What?”

“Sit - I want to talk this out. I don’t want you to run away from me…”

“What do you really care Naomi? You got Meg back after all…it’s not like you actually like me. I can tell. That’s why this is all so maddening.”

“I don’t not like you.”

“Wow. Thank you. That’s basically what every man longs to hear,” he said sarcastically. He pulled his arm away from me, and I found myself reaching out once more.

“Eisuke, stop. Let’s not do this. Let’s talk like grown ups.”

“There’s nothing to say. You know how I feel now…and…and…”

I could feel someone’s eyes on me but didn’t dare look over for fear that if I shifted my attention nothing would be resolved. I pulled him back down into our seats and just as I was forming my rebuttal, I felt his lips on mine. I was stunned to be honest - I never expected him to just kiss me out of the blue, especially considering I was convinced that the remnants of my lunch might be present on my face.

I don’t know if it was the shock or the inner monologue but I found myself allowing it to go on longer than I ever would have thought. It was strange kissing a man that I didn’t even particularly like and even stranger that I sort of enjoyed it.

He was my client…a thorn in my side…and yet I started to relax into his arms, and his kiss…

…and then as quickly as he’d moved in, he pulled back and I was left panting and docile with a curious expression on my face.

“I have to go,” he muttered and I was so caught off guard I did nothing to stop him from running away from me.

I brought my hand to my lips and with my thumb wiped away a trace of wetness the kiss left behind. I started to compose myself and it was then that I turned to see Jin at the window, looking in at me past the client he was speaking with outside the steakhouse and I realized that his being there was not mere coincidence.

This was the king fighting back after I’d had too many wins, too quickly.

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Thanks for reading :)

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@mrsnaaz

@otomeprincess-anayaakaisha

[veridium]

“Things you said I wasn’t meant to hear,” for whichever pairing you prefer ^.^

Thank you for asking, friend! Hope you are well!

“Things You Said I Wasn’t Meant to Hear”

Cassandra Pentaghast x Lady Olivia 

The day was piping with activity in Skyhold – people hard at work with their various duties, crafts, and skills. It was a righteous kind of busy, one which made everyone smile when they greeted one another, because each had and mind was pursuing a cause beyond one or two people. It was a movement, and it was beautiful to be apart of at times.

Olivia had settled in splendidly, as she would say, into work in the Mage studies tower. Theia had truly overseen something extraordinary: multiple levels, a useful library, scrolls, and a floor for experimentation. Olivia grew attached to that particular level, her potions and concoctions needing a smaller-scale space to be worked on. The undercroft with Dagna also suited her, but too many weary soldiers reported her for “peculiar Mage activities” and it made her self-conscious. Old habits of insecurity from her days in the Circle died hard.

Still, she took great pleasure in working amongst the other workaholic Mages of the Inquisition – collaborating with Dorian and Vivienne when they would come visit and inquire for “assistance” in their own projects. But, she was most at ease when left alone to her own devices, and able to let down the facade of a poised Courtier and simply be the woman she was beyond the Orlesian masks.

This day was for reducing and simmering raw materials down to their most useful consistences. She watched as one pot boiled on the fireplace, a finely-crafted cast iron pot sturdy enough to stand long hours over heat even with less-than-traditional ingredients being cooked. Thoughtfully, she watched the boil begin to shape up, and she wiped her head with her forearm. 

“Is that for the dispel powders?” a fellow Mage, Vera, asked from across the room where she had been restocking the bookshelf.

“Yes! And I am as giddy as a bee in Spring!” Olivia’s humor was joyful and innocent when she was at ease with her surroundings. She didn’t have to play clever or witty, or like a seductress. 

“You’ll have to spare me a side batch, I want to see how it’ll work cleaning up after Vivienne’s ice glyphs on the training grounds,” Vera replied, finishing up that stack of returned materials and reaching for another.

“Oh, that’s right, I owe you for lending me those freckleweeds for my soup, don’t I?” Olivia smiled, reaching in and stirring the gaseous liquid around some more. Feckleweed and berry soup was always one of her childhood favorites, and she had made some for a small gathering of Mages in the barracks. Finding herself short for the recipe, Vera had generously lended some her stash.

“Yes, but don’t think twice about that, you sent everyone back with leftovers like a spirit of mercy,” Vera chuckled, “besides, you brought back a double serving, didn’t you? It’s not a crime to feed yourself.”

“Oh, yes, that was…for a friend who could not attend.”

“Really now? Was it someone…seeking…a meal after dinner?” 

Olivia blushed, but took care not to turn away from the fire so as to expose herself. Indeed, it was for a certain woman, a certain high-ranking ally who did not get mistaken for someone else very often due to her visibility. Perhaps it had been a more individual exchange, and not where everyone could see, giggle, and tease.

“Yes, but, it was an act of kindness and nothing more,” Olivia dismissed with gentleness, dusting off her hands and making her way back to her little corner workspace that she had carved out for herself. 

“Come now, Olivia,” another Mage, Felicity, said while coming down the staircase. Her listening in wasn’t hard to do, given the open air of the tower. “We all know you’ve caught her fancy.”

“I’ve done no such thing,” Olivia giggled, “I am merely a friend to her. Besides, everyone says she is not into such things with women.”

Vera burst into laughter, her voice joined with Felicity’s as the women stood by each other’s sides. 

Olivia looked up, confused as to what was so hilarious.

“Olivia, if she’s not interested in you, I was never a Circle Mage, and Felicity never scared the chest hair off that man in Val Royeaux when she caught that tree on fire.”

Olivia’s eyebrow raised at the mentioning of such torrid misadventures.

“I mean it!” she smiled, “It ‘tis only a friendship. You sound like finishing school girls the way you gossip,” she grabbed a basket, planning on escaping the situation with a need to forage. “I will be back in an hour with some more of that cursed elfroot from the Gardens. Don’t marry me off in my absence!”

The girls exchanged harmless smiles as Olivia gracefully walked her way out the door. To her surprise, she walked directly into someone, who’s body clunked at the collision of dress on armor.

Seeing no one but the Seeker herself – Maker help her – Olivia gasped, her hands instinctively pinning themselves between her and the person she had so clumsily collided with. 

“Seeker!” she exhaled, before realizing just how foolish it as to say something like that within earshot of the women, after their conversation. 

Cassandra had been there a while, unfortunately, and had been listening in more than she wanted to admit. So, when Olivia pulled her aside to hide a bit more effectively against the outside wall, she knew exactly why, and it made her sorry to put Olivia in such a position. 

“Lady Olivia, I,” she went after her, and when they found their spot of secrecy, continued: “I came to see if…you were adjusting well into your new role?”

“Oh?” Olivia collected herself, playing with the folds in her dress skirt and holding the basket behind her back. “I am, quite happy, actually! I love being able to do what I excel at and take pleasure in.”

“Oh! That is…excellent to hear,” Cassandra felt butterflies, and if it was one thing Lady Pentaghast was not good at, it was dealing with butterflies. To counteract them, she did what many of her friends had warned her against: she utilized her blunt, unforgiving candor.

“I heard what you were saying in the tower, to your companions,” she started, but was cut off at the sight of Olivia rolling her eyes shut with dread. She cleared her throat, hell-bent on riding out this wave of awkwardness. “I wanted to make clear that, in light of how our behaviors have been scrutinized, that you are under no requirement to spend time with…me, or around me, that is to say…”

“Cassandra.”

“I know that it must feel very important not to make incorrect choices, or to insult people when you are the newest addition to the personnel…”

“Cassandra?”

“However, I think it most vital that you and your agency are respected in this instance. You are under no obligation to be kind to anyone, least of all myself..”

“Cassandra!”

The Seeker hadn’t noticed, but in her attempted monologue she had begun to pace, and was now standing several feet from the woman she had come to see and converse with. Seeing Olivia’s face – her raised eyebrows, open mouth, and general exasperation – told her that perhaps she had gone a mile when she should have only taken a few steps.

“I enjoy spending time with you, you kind and most misguided creature,” Olivia finally had the space to get out. She let her arms fall to her sides, basket in hand. “I am hardly someone who is unaccustomed to being sociable, or congenial.”

“Yes, but I do not wish to take advantage of what you have been groomed to do.”

“You are not! I am just…careful, not to misconstrue anything that may be hazardous to my working conditions here. The Mages are very…observant about who we fraternize with. It’s a commonplace practice when there are forces around us which are less than welcoming, or abrasive.”

“Am I considered…?”

Olivia bit her lip, eyeing the Seeker up and down as she tried not to be too heavy-handed with herself. 

“You were not supposed to hear what I said back there. I wish you had knocked, or entered.”

Cassandra was about to push more, but hearing her criticism, even she had to admit that she did was rather unfair. The Mage’s tower was considered a secure and safe place for the Inquisition’s magically inclined, and for her to encroach on their space and go so far as to eavesdrop – even when it was harmless in intention – was the first wrong step in this situation, and not Olivia’s impatience.

“You are right. I acted in poor discipline. It won’t happen again.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.”

Cassandra rubbed the back of her head, feeling the heat of the sunshine on her skin. So much for a relaxing interlude, then. Olivia looked down at her basket, and she held it with two hands now. Lightning up with Cassandra’s concession, her hazel green eyes locked on Cassandra’s with more compassion.

“Would you like to venture to the gardens with me? I must pick up some bushels of herbs for our recipes.”

Cassandra’s heart fluttered a bit at the opportunity to redeem herself. She looked back at the path she had used to get there – the open spance of the battlements, and the view of the mountains they brought to bear. Turning back to Olivia, she grinned.

“I..would like that very much, if you feel so inclined to ask for a professional escort.”

“I do not need such protection, I can surely handle myself. But I am in need of good company.”

As they began their walk side-by-side, Olivia’s rounded shoulders walking near Cassandra’s upright and proud posture, she couldn’t help but smile with amusement. 

“Besides, perhaps with your masterful spying skills, we may yet learn some excellent secrets on the way.”

[dunamanticarchivist]

The Munchkin Nein - Budgerigar Beau

Explaining this series

Budgerigars, or budgies for the aussies, are.....small parrots. Yes. Long and pretentious name. Simple idea. Kinda like our monk. Beauregard of House something something of the Cobalt Reserve of the Dwendalian Empire, praised be his nam-zzzZZ. In light of the Molly’s bloodhunter update, I was considering postponing Beau’s munchkin-ing, maybe because Cobalt Soul is also one of Matt’s/Tal’Dorei additional archetype for the monk class. But nah, don’t really see it getting changes for now. Also, I suspect this cute little thing might be a budgie. Could be wrong. Anyway, onto our boisterous monk!

Level 5 Monk, Way of the Cobalt Soul. Armed with a bo staff, her almighty fists and her sass of a personality. At this level, if she is wielding her staff one-handed, they deal equivalent damage to fists (d6 +4). On the other hand, there isn’t really a downside to her wielding it double handed, so the staff does d8+4 damage. She’s got 2 attacks with her Attack action, and can make an unarmed strike as a bonus action. 

What usually happens however, is that we see Beau spend a Ki point to do Flurry of Blows, which is 2 unarmed strikes. Ki points are basically monk spell slots, or sorcerer sorcery points. There are a variety of things monks can do with their Ki points.

Defensively, Beau can spend a Ki point to take dodge as a bonus action, giving disadvantage on attacks aimed her. So it gives her the option of a balanced attack and defence round, instead of all out attack. We saw this kinda save her in ep22, preventing a couple of nat 20s (2 I think).

Another Ki option is while Deflecting Missiles, a monk feature that uses Beau’s reaction to reduce an incoming ranged attack’s damage by d10 + 4 (DEX mod) + 5 (monk level); if the damage is reduced to 0, a Ki point can be spent to hurl the projectile back, at a standardized 20/60 feet regardless of weapon, with her usual modifiers.  

Beau is very speedy, at 40 feet per round. She can also spend another Ki point to Disengage or Dash as a bonus action. At the same time, her jump distance is doubled. High jumps haven’t come up yet and parkouring is mostly RP rather than jumping a large distance, but it could be useful in furthering that RP or navigating the various obstacles Matt puts on. 

The two other significant Ki combat options are Extract Aspects and Stunning Strike. Both require a CON save from the target, but the former requires 2 successful melee hits first, while the latter only one before being able to use the ability. On a failure on Extract Aspects, Beau can help figure out one of the mechanical stats/vulnerabilities of the target. There has been some discussion that this ability (which comes from the Cobalt Soul archetype) may not be sufficiently useful and a buff might be in the works. Considering we haven’t actually seen it (aside from Dairon using it on Beau) I can’t really assess its utility for the Mighty Nein or Beau herself, since their general approach so far is basically, KILL IT WITH FIRE and SMASH FACE. 

On the other hand, Stunning Strike perfectly sets up many a combo with the rest. Stunned is a really powerful condition to inflict: The target can’t move, barely speak, can’t take actions, bonus actions or reaction, automatically fails all STR and DEX saves, and to top it off all attacks against it have advantage. The only saving grace for the poor sod that fails that CON save is that it only lasts until the end of Beau’s next turn. Which given Beau’s usually high initiative (+4), will give the Mighty Nein plenty of time to wail on the target. Of note, a successful Stunning Strike allows Caleb’s Maximilian’s Earthen Paw to automatically succeed on restraining the target, at least for another turn. Reminder, all following attacks will be also be at advantage, so RIP whoever gets CC locked. But so far, most the enemies worth stunning seem to have a rather strong CON mod, so it depends on whether Matt can beat DC 14. 

All this fancy monk shit, is however capped by the number of Ki points, which are recovered on short/long rests by meditating 30mins. At level 5, Beau has 4 5 (thanks abeautifulelegy for picking up my mistake, I was referring to critrole stats which also has the mistake) Ki points to burn in a single encounter. Then she’s running on fumes and fury alone. Which reminds me, I think I’m going to do another series detailing what the Mighty Nein have left after each encounter, how able are they to handle another etc. 

Not having Ki doesn’t mean Beau is out of tricks. She also has the sentinel feat, which is quite the Crowd control feat on its own. If Beau hits with an attack of opportunity, the target can’t move. Opportunity attacks are also allowed even if the target Disengaged. Finally, it gives another opportunity for Beau to use her reaction, to melee attack once, when a target in melee range attempts to attack anyone other than Beau. This opens up spellcasters and ranged attackers who try to disengage or are not focusing on the angry blue monk in front of them. 

It should also be mentioned that Beau had the highest AC of the Nein at the lower levels. Now Fjord and Jester have got their shields, they are pretty much on par at 17 (Jester the Cleric somehow has highest at 18). However, they dont have the highest of HP pools, so there’s a strange spread of tanky-ness among the Nein, where Caleb and Nott evasion tank with Shield and Uncanny Dodge. Jester, Fjord and Beau have the highest AC with middling health pools. And Molly and Yasha have the highest HP pools with middling AC. Yasha’s rage does give her effectively twice the HP pool against physical damage though. On the plus side, each character can off-tank for a while if needed. On the other hand, no one really handles being focused exceptionally well. 

I suppose it would be good to have someone else alongside Beau, and have the other person be the target so Beau can strike out with the sentinel feat. If she pairs with Yasha, it doesn’t matter who the monster attacks, the other will be able to get a strike in and pin them down. Sentinel doesn’t stack between PCs, so no BeauYasha for me :( So if Yasha pairs with Beau it lessens the opportunities to attack and allow the enemies to corner the rest of the team. Caleb has no business being in melee, but in a pinch, Beau could dive in and save the squishy wizard. Pretty much the same with Jester, except Jester handles melee far better. Nott could use Beau as a distraction to get in a sneak attack. Fjord can be an attractive tank with Armor of Agathys to punish hitting him, but then targeting Beau becomes more attractive. Molly probably only benefits if flanking, though he has a Blood Curse of the Eyeless to help Beau tank better by inflicting disadvantage on the enemy if the enemy decides to focus on Beau. So there are potentially many combinations available for melee.

Ranged wise, well she’s a monk you can’t really expect that much. Still, throwing stars are very appropriate and dope. d4 + 4 DMG x2 at 20/60 range, its something. Also, ball bearings are an interest terrain setting tool, for less dexterous foes to trip over. 

So there we have it, Beauregard, a whirlwind of blows and still having the tools to defend. Although, she is almost always first to the fray, rushing into the closest foe to begin beating face. Has gotten her into trouble of late. Doubt that’s gonna change anytime soon. Really love the very visceral way Marisha plays Beau in combat. Gives fights a lot of energy, as well as occasional awesome and fail moments in equal measure. 

Good talk, friend? (This is probably the most awkward post I’ve made thus far, wordwise, so I think its appropriate to end with a very recent Beau quote.) Uuughh that scene was so hilariously wholesome, can’t wait for everyone to catch up with that. 

[berrodarmstrong]

The Missing Minutes.

Berrod was the only one who had screamed. In retrospect, he should have been embarrassed, but with the ground rushing up at him like that, the only thought in his head was, "I'm probably wrong an' we're all gonna die." Then Tarot vanished ahead of him. Then Milo -- and then he hit stone with far less force than it would have taken to kill him. It hurt, yes, but only in the uncomfortable way brought on by a normal fall from tripping on one's feet.

Quickly he scrambled up to peer around the dimly lit cavern. The muddy orange light was courtesy several earth-aspected crystals embedded in the light -- but something was wrong. Where was everyone else? An ice cold fist gripped his heart for a moment as he wondered if the rest of them had hit the ground at the bottom of the Divine Audience...but then it relaxed some. He was sure he'd seen Milo and Tarot vanish, so it stood to reason that they'd be here at the very least. Yet -- no sign.

"Tarot? Milo?" His voice echoed closely -- the space he had ended up in didn't seem to be that big.

"They're not here." The responding voice was all too familiar. Berrod whirled around to behold the gargantuan frame of his master, Ronsen Armstrong. The copper-haired Highlander stood a full head above Berrod, and today sported a sweeping pair of white quan along with a ring of large brayer beads upon his neck. He wore no shirt, nor did he walk in shoes. Familiar scars littered his prominent musculature. At one point he was clean shaven with a giant red mane that fell to his backside, but after having had his head shaved by Gunnar, the elder monk sported a short, hilariously trendy haircut that was complemented by a full beard. Frosty blue eyes peered down at Berrod with that grumpy exasperation that had simply become a part of his face.

"Master," Berrod greeted hastily - he gave an awkward bow and tried not to headbutt the man in the chest. "I'm glad you came. We'll need your strength for this, likely -- but if the others aren't here, where are they?" He turned to scan what he could see of the cavern.

"They're with Bloodblade. They should be fine," Ronsen offered, "But there's something I wanted to say to you before things continue."

"-Fine-?" Berrod protested, "We need all the hands we can get, includin' yours! Let's find a way to --" He stopped then, and peered closely at the other man, "Yeah? What's that then?"

Ronsen set his hands behind him in that way he usually did when he was about to give Berrod an ear-rinsing lecture. It provided the younger monk with a sense of exasperated apprehension -- now was not the time. "Of all the pieces in this grand design, you have been the most disappointing. As a child you brimmed with potential -- but I think I simply saw it in your blood. You have amounted to a self-absorbed neggardly weakling who can barely keep track of the nose in front of you, much less the logistics for this effort. You have attained what power you have through dim-witted brute force, and your only advantage is the time you've had over many of the others to sharpen your craft. I have despised every single moment I've spent with you -- and I am glad that years that amount to your entire life passed as naught but a blink of an eye to me."

Berrod experienced an odd kind of mental deadlock. Naturally, most of what Ronsen said hurt and angered him -- even the familiar bits he thought they had both worked through. Still -- the rest left him perplexed. Entire life passing in the blink of an eye? Was it some kind of sick joke? Him taking out his frustrations or something?

Evidently Berrod's confusion showed very clearly on his face, for Ronsen's own mein grew lined with contempt. "Even now you're too much of a bloody dullard to realise what's going on. Die in ignorance and fret me no longer."

Berrod had no chance to offer a response, Ronsen was done with him. The elder monk blurred where he stood. The younger monk felt each impact all at once. It was as though the cavern had come down atop him. Bones broke, flesh bruised, tissue tore...all before his mind could properly register it, however briefly. The pain came, and it came swiftly. A jarring shock of agony that robbed him of his ability to stand and sent his mind spiralling into panicked madness. None of this made sense. Why was this happening? What was he doing? What did he mean by what he had said? It was all he had time to wonder before he was reduced to a barely-conscious crumple of misery. Evidently Ronsen had changed his mind about killing him -- that much the monk confirmed in a low, irritated grumble.

"On the second thought, you stand to occupy them more effectively while alive."

The elder monk began making rapid hand gestures that were far, far too familiar to the younger.

What in the hells was going on...?

[ncfan-1]

Gotham 04X20, ‘That Old Corpse’

This week: grave-robbing and presumed Jekyll and Hyde antics. This is Gotham.

- Episode hasn’t quite started yet, and I’m already wondering what the inevitable scene between Lee and Jim in the precinct is going to be like. Why doesn’t she just claim she was a hostage, anyways?

- Since the preview showed Ed burning the deeds, I do wonder how this is going to come back later. Logically, those weren’t the only copies of the deeds, but still…

- We open on some impromptu memorial service for Jerome. “Second time’s the charm” is actually a pretty good inscription for his headstone; I think he’d approve. A funeral-crasher shows up with a message: dig up the coffin.

- Oh, look, the Jim-Lee melodrama has arrived. “What can I do?” Oh, come on, Jim, don’t pretend you don’t think the law only works for the people you think it should.

- Why is Harvey the one pointing out that Lee’s robbery was semi-justifiable this week when it was Jim pointing out something similar last week about dirty banks while Harvey was being the hardass?

- Jim and Lee have it out; Lee’s strikes are clearly hitting home.

- A “present” from Jerome shows up. There’s a video. A VHS instead of a DVD, further obfuscating what time period this is supposed to be in. Jerome informs him some goons are heading for the precinct for a “wake”… just as they show up.

- Will Lee take advantage of the chaos to escape?

- A car shows up with Jerome’s casket.

- Back at the Narrows, Ed and Lee’s goons are discussing how to break Lee out. Their group seems to be on a collision course with the “mourners.”

- They’re using Jerome’s casket as a battering ram. That’s just absurd enough to be mildly hilarious. This show’s really at its best when it embraces three things. A) Camp. B) Black humor. C) General morbidity. When it embraces all of these things at once, you understand.

- Who wrote this episode, by the way? I haven’t seen enough to know if it’s halfway decent (and the inconsistencies in Jim and Harvey’s positions is a warning sign if ever I saw one), but it’s been decently well-paced so far. Is this another Ben McKenzie script?

- Jim’s plan is… I’m not a tactical genius, but it actually sounds okay.

- Bruce and Jeremiah are in their maze. I’m wondering when Mr. Hyde is going to come out to play and leave our Dr. Jekyll in the dark.

- Jeremiah is flipping through Jerome’s diary. Bruce looks appropriately disturbed and appropriately concerned. I hate he’s going to go over the edge so quickly, because he and Bruce have a fairly sweet dynamic.

- Alfred is heading around Wayne Manor with a gun, apparently having heard a disturbance, only to get ambushed off-screen. I’m assuming by Jerome’s people.

- Jeremiah tells Bruce about getting gassed. Well, I’m glad that for once the little communication issue of people refusing to tell other people vital information was side-stepped.

- Bruce suggests going to where Jerome’s buried to prove that he’s dead and give Jeremiah a little piece and mind. Boy, is that going to be an unpleasant experience.

- It’s Operation Unruly Clown in the precinct. Just before all hell breaks loose, Jim and Lee have one last little exchange. I wonder if Jim is at all affected by this.

- Lee gets knocked out. Oh, the drama. Oh, the half-baked drama that I’m sure won’t lead to glurgey EdxLee scenes later.

- Jim faces off against some of Jerome’s people in the locker room. Harvey and Harper ambush them, and Jim apparently decides to have a good old-fashioned fist fight with the head goon.

- Gotta say, now that I don’t care about what’s happening anymore, it’s a lot easier to just be Zen about all this. Like, the bad writing still irritates me, but I think it’s going to take a lot more for me to get properly angry.

- Is that… Is that a pool of blood in the kitchen? Wow, I actually feel a little sorry for Alfred.

- Jeremiah desperately wants to bolt out of the cemetery. He’s twitchy as hell, poor guy. I actually feel sorry for him, now; now that they’re being more upfront about the fact that he’s not well, it’s easier to sympathize with him.

- Jeremiah sees Jerome’s exhumed grave, screams “He’s alive!” and runs away. Honestly, that is probably the most sensible thing anyone’s ever done in the history of this show.

- Oswald tries to eat his lunch, only for Butch to be an asshole and steal his food straight off his plate. Butch… You radiate anti-sympathy waves. Why do you expect me to feel sorry for you?

- Why is Oswald reduced to robbing liquor stores for income? Doesn’t he have more resources than that?

- I’m just waiting for Ed and Co. to show up. Where are they?

- Oh, great, police brutality. Again.

- The little gag of rogues opening the back of the van while that one guy yells “X! We’re saved!” is kinda funny, I’ll admit. Especially when Oswald just motions for Butch to grab one of them.

- Lee wakes up in the precinct while the orgy’s going on. She’s probably concussed, so I wonder how well she’s gonna do. No charming your way out this situation when it’s all you can do not to fall over, throw up, and pass out.

- Jeremiah has apparently run into a crypt. Suddenly, I’m beginning to understand why people ship Batman and the Joker. …I never wanted to be in this position.

- Jeremiah seems to think Bruce… is Jerome. Given how paranoid he seems to be even at the best of times, I can actually buy this as being plausible.

- Back to the orgy. Ed Nygma is dressed as a clown, and we learn the casket is full of liquor bottles.

- Lee ambushes him and hits him with a can that makes a satisfyingly metallic clang. I laughed.

- Jim shows up at the maze. And seems to have no trouble navigating it without Jeremiah’s help, further giving the lie to the idea that he’s any kind of expert maze-builder.

- Jerome’s followers just left his body sitting out by the exhumed grave… and nobody noticed it until now??? What?????

- The harlequin from the opening scene has a gun to Jim’s head while he watches the video Jerome left… until someone reaches from off-screen and throttles him. That’s interesting.

- Is it Ecco under that mask? What’s her involvement with all this?

- It is Ecco. What’s with this?

- Jim turns his attention back to the window, where it turns out the throttling thing was just a theatrical thing. Back to proper programming.

- Jerome’s followers show up and separate Jeremiah and Bruce (Good thing, too; I doubt Bruce is skilled enough with headlock safety to keep from hurting him). The part where Jeremiah wipes his face with a handkerchief to show his now-naturally white skin is another homage to the 1989 Batman film; we’ve been seeing a lot of those this season, haven’t we? Well, I’ll give them this much; when it comes to other Batman homages, they’ve got decent taste.

- Cameron Monaghan’s great.

- I wonder if Jeremiah is going to be to Bruce in this continuity what Harvey Dent is to Bruce in the DCAU. It would make a fair amount of sense.

- The mask of madness, huh? Somehow, I doubt that very much.

- Jeremiah: “To truly build something, you must tear down what’s already there.”

- Jim’s left locked in the room with the overloading generators. And apparently they work pretty well as bombs.

- Just before the GCPD can storm the clinic, the first of the generators explodes. The one in the maze, apparently. How the fuck did Jim get out of the blast zone in time, because I seriously doubt this show has the guts to kill him—especially since we see him in promo shots for future episodes, apparently unharmed. The blast zone is supposed to have a radius of a mile (Jeremiah said you didn’t want to be anywhere within a mile of it), and there’s no way Jim could have gotten that far away in time. Also, I’d bet the explosion would be enough to make the ceiling collapse, so logically, he should be deader than disco.

- Bruce gets tossed in the grave with Jerome’s corpse. Christ, poor kid’s gonna have a stroke when he wakes up.

- Oswald is interrogating Jerome’s head goon.

- Butch, all you have to do to look normal is to get a spray-on tan and hair dye. I don’t feel remotely sorry for you.

- Oswald calls it a “tale of woe.” Bless you, Oswald.

- Glurgey EdxLee scene is glurgey. That is all.

- And cue the tear gas! Well, I guess that’s one way to break up an orgy.

- Ed and Lee watching those guys escaping down the fire escape is a decent scene, though.

- Last scene is Jeremiah at Wayne Research. With Ecco. Is anyone ever going to explain what the deal is with Ecco. And don’t just give me that “She’s Harley” crap and try to leave it there. I want an explanation that isn’t lazy. Why is she like this?

[simkjrs]

assorted fic/msa asks

Anonymous said: msa izuku while an Official Of The Law tries to stop him from doing his usual cryptic stunts: hey where can i go to file a complaint? its not formal. fuck you.

this is just the right level of irritation, sarcasm, and wit to come straight from msa izuku’s mouth. i love that

Anonymous said: someone asks msa izuku what he wants to be when he grows up. he stares at the floor angrily. "a concept. if even that," he says. no one knows how to respond. the silence stretches.

god this is PRISTINE. the silence stretches. im laughing you’ve captured the quintessential msa izuku experience!!!

Anonymous said: msa izuku's saving grace yet achille's attention-pulling heel is his ability to circumvent the powers people use to attack him, linear narratives, and any expectations placed on him

nfljsdfjsd yeah. his greatest strength and greatest weakness... it’s so funny to write. i love it

Anonymous said:  kirishima: deku we actually dont want to screw you over msa izuku: that sounds fake but ok

YEP! thats pretty much it

Anonymous said: Thinking about the wording of MSA!Izuku's deal with Kirishima, Kirishima might actually be able to take advantage of Izuku abusing the wording of the deal. So Kirishima could use the fact that he literaly cannot keep Izuku anywhere and that Izuku could ditch at any time in order to have an actual conversation with him. After all, Izuku always has a way out.

you fucking got me there. completely nailed it

Anonymous said: does msa iz/uku have to deal with shitty dreams too? like trauma from spirit shenanigans comes back to bite him in the ass in his sleep?

yeah there sure is a lot of trauma going around. like, look at this comment i got from crossy, i feel like this is one of the funniest things anyone has ever said about msa

Anonymous said: Okay... blink if the adult supervision in MSA is Aizawa....

you all know me so well!! fucking called me out!!!

Anonymous said: eyy u know that art u made of ritsu on ur art blog, "ritsu's range of normal human emotions?" the part where it said disattached from the social dogma? i imagines that as ur msa!izuku and skdnfsj o h m y g o d

im laughing!!! youre completely right. i need to redraw the panel now

Anonymous said: where is izuku's guardian spirit, you ask? theory: izuku is his own guardian spirit. he finds out and "well i must be doing a pretty shitty job. i hate myself. bye"

Anonymous said: ..... izuku is a gaurdian spirit but his ""quirk"" is being alive...... thats why getting his quirk shut off by eraserhead compeltely shut his body off

YOU ARE... almost completely correct

Anonymous said: since msa mido is like half a quirk himself does that mean he's his own guardian spirit? because if that was true and you told him that he would be so so tired. "my life's a sick joke already but thanks for that addition" or something. this poor child.

that’s pretty much the mindset he wakes up with every day!

Anonymous said: Ok so idk if im the only one who does this but whenever i read fanfic/any kind of writing i kinda come up with like a general color palette that fits with the whole story or like colors from a certain time of day or somethin as a general base for any fanart i might make for the thing but for Byggualom i imagine pinkish, orangey golden sunset colors with hints of plant greens and reds and for msa i imagine a lot of things happening in almost completely grayscale with gold highlights and-(1)

(2)- surreal moments where a bright/contrasting color is present(like the scene where the fox spirit appeared with the red eyes against the silver fur

that’s really cool! i love the sunset colors for byggualom, and the black and white is certainly a fitting ominous atmosphere for msa :^) 

Anonymous said: of fucking course fucking msa/villain izuku was there, MSA/villain fucking Izuku is always there. it’s like one of those universal laws of reality. whenever life takes a turn for the utterly insane, and or disturbingly lethal, msa/villain izuku is somehow right in the middle of it. looking innocent. like a fluffy bunny rabbit. with an innocent look in its eyes and an entire city reduced to rubble in the background, on fire. (I did both b/c I love both the dysfunctional dorks(and both made sense

i think this is more applicable to villain izuku. msa izuku will also be there in the middle of whatever chaos is happening, but he will not look innocent, he will look pissed and tired. you think YOU’RE tired of this bullshit? hah! you should hear about what he’s been doing all day. and no he’s not going to tell you, he’s just going to gripe about it endlessly while also furiously trying to fix everything that went wrong. 

other than that... this is rlly good. i love that. thanks for sending it in

Anonymous said: since i found out u listen to sea wolf the song "spirit horse" has just been violently playing in the background when i think of msa like thanks (not even sarcastically i love seawolf)

hell yeah, love that.... the song’s a bit too horse-y for me to put it on my msa playlist but you know what? its good

Anonymous said: Hey! Just wanted to let you know I ADORE your writing. Your OPM AU (that's what I always call it, I can never remember the acronym) is amazing and I've reread it twice. I decided to give your MSA story a try the other day and I LOVED that one as well. I was initially hoping for a OPM AU update but now I'm psyched as hell for MSA. Thank you so much for your amazing work. Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy both stories :) Have a great day

thank you! i’m happy you enjoy both fics so much <3 

Anonymous said: hi you’re an amazing artist/writer and I hope you have a great day :)

thank you!! i have been having some pretty great days, which is nice, i hope you are doing well too!

Anonymous said: ive reread msa for the like 5th time today and just wanted to tell you what an awesome job you did and i absolutely adore it and hope you have an amazing week!!!

i cant believe you’ve read it so many times!!! i’m glad you like it so much, and i hope you have a great week as well!

Anonymous said: Hey, *finger guns*, I really love your writing!

well guess what... i love you,

Anonymous said: All your stories are so good! I cryyyyy x

thanks! im crying also

Anonymous said: I'm so fucken hyped for literally all you bnha fan-fiction/head-cannons like seriously how do you even come up with ALL of it?!?!?!

mostly i just... actively put characters into situations that i think would be hilarious, or dream up bits of dialogue that spur me to craft an entire backstory just so i can lead up to the one moment. helps to have friends who encourage you to become increasingly unhinged from canon though.

Anonymous said: have *clap* a *clap* nice *clap* day

you too! 

Anonymous said: Okay you prolly get this loads but I freaking love everything you write! Everything is written so well and I die every time you update bc it's so good! I will happily wait five years to read any new chapter if it's written this well okay I'm rambling I love you have a nice day!

this is so nice.... thank you.... 

Anonymous said: HOLY SHIT, ANOTHER NONBINARY FIC WRITER!!! YO WHATS UP!!! WE'RE A P RARE BREED... HELL YEAH THOUGH!!! UR FICS R SUPER COOL UR SUCH A BIG INSPIRATION TO ME!! I HOPE U HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY + YOU NEVER GET WRITERS BLOCK + YOUR HANDS NEVER CRAMP UP!!!

hello there!!! it’s fantastic to see you!!!! hell yeah [i try to dab but accidentally knock over the stack of papers on my desk instead]

Anonymous said: Hey, I just wanted to say that I think you're doing a really super job with trying to write and do school at the same time. I know (personally) that it's really hard to do even WITHOUT extra stuff piling on top, but you handle the blog with a lot of humor and clumsy grace and I just wanted to let you know that you brighten up my day a lot. Thanks! I hope you do really well!!!!!!

hey! thank you, i put a lot of effort into running this blog, as can be evidenced by the week-long stretches of time between short bursts of activity

seriously though... thanks... i appreciate this ask a lot. hope you’re doing well!

Anonymous said: I just wanna say thank you! MSA Izuku gives me life XDDD

hell yeah! im glad to hear that

Anonymous said: dunno bout you or anyone else, but i see your izukus as homoromantic demisexual(s), just wanted to share

nice... 

im cool w/ whatever as long as it adheres to my one guideline which is that izuku is a mlm

[calorieworkouts]

Make Eating Whatever You Want Work Towards Your Advantage | Part 1 of 3

Last Saturday, my relative Andrew and also I mosted likely to Wendy's. I had a three-way Baconator with french fries. Then I went home as well as saw Video game of Thrones, while devouring 2 bags of Hershey's Cookies 'N' Cream bite size delicious chocolate thingys. I would tell you what Andrew had however I was too busy sliding right into a food coma to bear in mind. That was my cheat meal and also I made it because I consumed like a neanderthal all week ...

I am mosting likely to think that you are possibly reviewing this write-up with the objectives of cranking back some undesirable tasty foods over the holidays! If you resemble me then you obviously wish to prevent having "even more to love" by the time January hits as well as you're compelled to strike the gym harder than that Baconator hit my pancreas.

If your mosting likely to understand why these tips work then you require to comprehend exactly how cheat meals can make us fat. I understand, monotonous but just shush as well as maintain reading.

When carbohydrates get digested they need to be damaged down right into sugars before they can go into the blood stream. Facility carbs represent lengthy chains of sugars bound with each other, while easy carbohydrates stand for smaller sized chains. Long and also short chains of sugars have to be damaged down right into specific sugar molecules to be taken in. Picture different teams of jail inmates (sugars), holding hands going through a jail (your intestines). Then correctional police officers (enzymes), are all like, "hey quit holding hands, that's weird, you're in jail." The correctional police officers ultimately break the bonds between the prisoners and also send them to their cells, word play here planned (Boom).

Once our sugar bonds are broken up in our intestinal tracts they get in the blood stream, and our pancreas is notified of the boost in blood glucose. Subsequently, insulin is released to fight this. Then a bunch of insulin goes and snatches up the sugar molecules as well as moves them into their marked cells (could be liver, muscle mass, fat or numerous other cells). In the majority of circumstances insulin will certainly look to drop off those sugars in your liver, however, as soon as your liver is complete they will have no selection but to juicify your love manages (in short article second I will touch on how we can get insulin to send sugar into our muscles). Currently, our bodies have many mechanisms for making us fat, however in my point of view high carb usage is the number one reason for obesity.

Tip #1 - The Obvious Tip…

Try to prevent refined food. A heck of a procedure goes into making bread, so try to prevent it. Brownish rice, quinoa, basmati rice, as well as Cous do not take much to obtain them ready to eat, so they are okay. If you're obese, cut complicated carbohydrates entirely and see the pounds fly away. If you're not obese as well as you're naturally skinny/lean (also known as my silly cousin Andrew), you can have some complex carbs. My individual opinion is that an EXTREMELY percentage of people would ever require even more than 100 grams of intricate carbohydrates in a day.

Tip # 2 - Insulin level of sensitivity enhances with each sugar cost-free meal

One thing I didn't mention regarding our buddy insulin is that if you have way too much sugar flowing in your blood stream (particularly over a long term amount of time i.e. days/months/years) then you can become insulin immune. It's kind of like when I attempt and terrify my parents. Sometimes I can terrify them so great that they will accidentally vouch, it's honestly hilarious. If I tried frightening them 10 times a day they would end up being immune to my immaturity and I would not get to enjoy their swears. In all severity, if this is what's occurring- you're becoming insulin resistant- then you're likely on track to coming to be diabetic.

I like to believe of our partnership with insulin as a really big teeter-totter. On one side sits insulin resistance, and also beyond rests insulin sensitivity. The more sweet food we eat the further we move towards insulin resistance, and also at some point if we eat so poor, we can stroll right past insulin resistance as well as jump off the teeter-totter causing diabetes mellitus. Yet, with every excellent dish we eat we can stroll towards insulin sensitivity, and at some point get a super power or something.

When you are "low sugar" for long enough your liver obtains an opportunity to include some new sugars therefore blitzing on your own with a cheat dish, in some instances can in fact make you leaner. When you consume "low carbohydrate" for long sufficient your Leptin levels reduce, and among Leptin's roles is to metabolize fat. Guess what gives Leptin a boost ... cheat dishes! This does not imply pizza is now a healthy option, it indicates it "can be" if your diet regimen gets on factor. Previously this year I went two weeks without a gram of sugar and I made a decision to have a gluten cost-free pizza, which is amazing incidentally so shut your mouth if you're a gluten complimentary hater, as well as I in fact shed 2lbs the following day.

Moral of the story, with every carbohydrate complimentary day that passes you will increase your performance when you ultimately made a decision to crank back some deliciousness. I'm quite sure superman came to be superman from going carbohydrate cost-free for a year and after that having a Baconator, just saying.

Tip # 3 - Fit Cocoa, Eco-friendly Tea, as well as Cinnamon right into your diet plan any place you can

In a nutshell research states that these three individuals can increase your insulin level of sensitivity. I have actually located moderate to high intake of these young puppies on my rip off days to be specifically useful. If you desire much more information examine the sources:-RRB-.

Green Tea (1,2)

Cocoa (1,3)

Cinnamon(4)

( 1) http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/81/3/611.short

- favanols= high antioxidant/High Nitric Oxide( arginine-alpha-keto-glutarate (AAKG). ) bioavailability ... Nitric Oxide bioavailability=" boosted sugar uptake"

( 2) http://pubs.acs.org/doi/abs/10.1021/jf030365d

( 3) http://advances.nutrition.org/content/3/2/217.full

( 4 )http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&aid=1681080

[seyaryminamoto]

IMO I know I'm first one ever who ask this question: Do you think Uncle Iroh is "sexist"? Iroh is so loved by the fandom that they turn blind eye on his negative trails. No one may be considers this part of him. Though I find far too believable he would call Kuvira crazy woman, cos she doesn't suit the appeal of women in his mind, without considering much her reasons.

Well… surprise surprise, you aren’t the first one :D As time goes by, more people are willing to criticize Iroh’s behavior over many things and indeed, the topic of underlying sexism in Iroh has been brought up.

I don’t know if we can label him as a sexist altogether, he doesn’t seem to inherently mistreat women just on the basis that they’re women… but he does have certain behaviors that border on sexism towards certain women, which is bothersome.

In Zuko Alone he gives the meaningful, epic gift to Zuko while Azula gets a generic doll that is “the latest fashion in Ba Sing Se”. Because you know, girls should play with dolls and boys should play with knives. He probably hasn’t met Azula in forever, sure, but it says something serious that he’d expect her to be satisfied just with a doll while he gives Zuko something that not only is cool and useful, but is also very meaningful. Couldn’t he try to find something a little bit more meaningful for his niece too? Just a little something? Nah, generic doll that’s wearing fashionable clothes. Okay then.

His treatment of Azula never improves, we can’t really say that it’s about sexism entirely but the “She’s crazy and needs to go down” part certainly has always rubbed me the wrong way. Not sure how things are wherever you live, but over here in my country there’s a widespread tendency to reduce a woman to irrelevance by saying she’s crazy, or, if he’s over 40, a “crazy crone”. So while it may not be a deliberate attempt to make Iroh sexist (since indeed, Azula had attacked him the previous episode and his already existent hostilities towards her have obviously increased), it can be read that way. I certainly can make that link fairly easily.

On with more questionable stuff… June. God, June. Even Zuko is judging Iroh’s ogling of her.

Can we appreciate the fact that June is… at LEAST thirty years younger than Iroh? If not more? But I guess that’s fine by a royal prince’s standards, of course…

There’s a lot of unnecessary touching between Iroh and June. Her only approach to him is to say she wants them to pay her Iroh’s weight in gold. Him, though? He tends to ride second on Nyla, so he’s always behind June, it’s never Zuko, always him. When June blacks out for a moment Iroh cups her cheek, I guess to wake her, but she makes a pretty bad grimace when she comes to her senses (suggesting she may not like being touched that way?), and the topping on the cake is this infamous scene:

Iroh jumps to “catch” June. He doesn’t really do it to help her, though! He just drops on the ground dramatically, and when Zuko points out that Iroh wasn’t paralyzed, what does Iroh do? Smile guiltily and make no efforts to move away either way. June’s face says she’s pissed, but she can’t do anything about this situation while she’s paralyzed! 

So indeed… Iroh is taking advantage of June’s momentary loss of physical control, regardless of June’s disapproval/disagreement with what he’s up to. She doesn’t care for him in that way, she doesn’t like what he’s doing, but alas, Iroh is just being “funny” so the public is supposed to laugh it off and think he’s hilarious.

Iroh has two other women show interest in him through the story, Aunt Wu and the one in Ba Sing Se, and he’s fairly polite to them both: but he shows no similar interest in them. His flirting with the Ba Sing Se one is very much to get himself out of a tight spot, not because he really is into her. The only woman he finds attractive, canonically, is June, and this is how he treats her. Instead of going about it in a polite way, gentlemanly, I don’t know, to actually appeal to her, he just… waits for her to be powerless so he can get away with holding her just because he felt like it. God, how it annoys me. (And this is why I will keep my story’s June as far away from Iroh as possible)

As for his theoretical behavior towards Kuvira… well, it is theoretical but he’d likely disapprove of her too, unsurprisingly. Tbh, either he thinks she’s crazy and needs to go down, like Azula, or he gets the hots for her the way he did for June and basically ignores her wishes and waits to take advantage of her whenever he can.

Or possibly a mix of both.

Honestly, I don’t know what is worse.

In any case, I do think Iroh wouldn’t treat Kuvira very well. Not only because he’d be against her methods by principle (he’s supposed to be pretty anti-armies and violence ever since he got redeemed, and he’d likely think Kuvira is going about it all wrong), but because of the evidence above. Kuvira resembles Azula in a handful of ways, not in all of them if you ask me, but indeed in those that Iroh clearly dislikes about his niece. So he won’t be fond of Kuvira at all, and indeed he won’t care to listen to anything she has to say about why she did what she did (I mean, he never cared about why Azula was who she was, so why would that change with someone he’s not even related to?).

Bottomline is, yes, Iroh has had some sexist attitudes and indeed, the fandom won’t pay them much, if any, attention. I’ve only seen one prominent fandom blogger pointing out this awful behavior of Iroh’s, seldom anyone else. Generally, he’s revered and adored to the point where Bryke basically sanctified him in LOK by making him a “spirit” that reached enlightenment. Crowd-pleasing, truly, there’s no other name for what that was. And yet he’s full of flaws that only a few of us will be willing to pay real attention to.