#what a beautiful stream

[doingmylevelbest]

Finals season must be getting to Ren too

[royalarchivist]

Bad: I don’t think people understand the effect QSMP had on some of the streamers in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. [...] Imagine that you were given a friend to play Minecraft with — like your best friend — BUT if this person dies, if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Can you imagine what that’s like?

Bad: If you did not live through the QSMP, if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience the Eggs were. They were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with.

Bad: I’m not saying I regret it. To this day, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. [...] I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, it was just that fun.

Earlier today during his stream, Bad shared his experience and thoughts about the Eggs and the significant emotional (and traumatic) impact they had on him and his fellow QSMP members.

This clip a very edited-down version since his commentary was ~13 minutes long, so I highly recommend checking out Bad's VOD if you have the time. (Timestamp: 47:36 - 1:00:14)

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

———

Bad: To be fair Chat, I really think the QSMP... I don't think anyone really can relate to it, Chat. It's something that's so... I've told people this before, like– but it's hard to understand. Right? Like...

Where was I? Sorry Chat, I'm losing my train of thought. Look, let me explain Chat– here's the dealio, ok? Here's the dealio, and this is what I mean when I say like, it's important to keep this in mind, Chat. Ok? It's important to keep this in mind:

I don’t think people understand the effect that the QSMP had on like, some of the streamers, in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. This is the analogy I’ve given to every person who I’ve like, shared this with. Imagine you meet somebody– [He hears a strange noise] What the fudge was that? Did you hear that?

Anyway– Chip! The story I was just relaying to Chat, Chip, was this: I was sharing this story with them, I said–  I was giving them an analogy. 

Imagine Chat, for example, imagine that you were… playing Minecraft, with like– you were given a friend to play Minecraft with, Chat, like your best friend, and [unintelligible] were like, “Hey, you get to play Minecraft with this person, right? BUT if this person dies – they’re currently your best friend, Chip – but if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Ever again.” Can you imagine what that’s like, Chip?

I don’t think a lot of people understand like, what that does, right? I’m not gonna say that like, it creates this situation, Chip, that like, messes with your head, but it– Chip – but it totally, totally does, Chip. It messes with your head! It literally puts you in a position where you’re second-guessing and thinking about everything, Chip! You’re thinking about EVERYTHING Chip! Ok? And that’s the problem, Chip– is you turn into a paranoid monster because of it, Chip! Like, you don’t understand Chip– I was- I was so afraid of every dirt block, I used to carry a shovel with me Chip, and I would specifically right-click dirt blocks that looked suspicious because mines, Chip– mines could not be shoveled! Like, I was crazy, Chip! But here’s the problem, Chip: that craziness is still there. I’m genuinely like–

I remember thinking Chip, that I would one day– I was like, “I’m going to move past–” here, let’s go up here, Chip. I remember thinking one day Chip, I was like, “I’m gonna move past the underground base, one of these days. You know, one of these days, I feel like I’ll be able to grow and achieve the desire to build a base that doesn’t have to be underground.” But I don’t think it’s possible now Chip, because I think… I just don’t know. I feel like the paranoia– there’s still like, residual leftover trauma from that situation, Chip.

But here’s the problem Chip: I don’t think I don’t think– I don’t think people understand it. Like, I just really don’t. But I also don’t blame them Chip, ‘cuz I don’t think it’s possible to fully understand it if you haven’t lived through it. Like, if you did not live through the QSMP… I’m talking about the QSMP, I don’t- I don’t know if that was obvious– if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience like, the Eggs were. Right? I don’t think people realize it. Like, they were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with, Chip. So, it’s just one of those things that–

[He’s interrupted by a loud rumble of thunder above them]

Did lightning just strike here? Is it thunderstorming out…? But anyway, Chip. That’s the food for thought.

But that’s the problem– Like, every time it rains in Minecraft, I have to like, look at the sky, and I get this weird, like, second--hand vibe because of the trauma. The trauma, Chip! The trauma is real! But that’s the point– I’m not saying I regret it. I, to this day Chip, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. 

[He falls down] Dangit, don’t come over here Chip, ‘cuz I’m coming back up! Ok.

I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering  and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, Chip, it was just that fun. I really wi– I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible, Chip, to give people that same energy, like that same experience. You know what I mean, Chip? I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible again. Like, EVER.

Because… because like, one: I will say on one level Chip, I will say on one level, like– it’s sort of emotionally like… It’s emotionally devastating, and I think to actually go through that– and this is where like, if I ever do end up going to a– see a therapist, if I ever do end up going to see a therapist at any point, I’ll talk it over with them and be like, “Hey, what do you think about this?” Because I genuinely think on one level, like– it’s created this fear of forming attachments because of like, how things can go. You know what I mean? Like, the fear of getting attached to something and then potentially losing it. Like, it’s- it’s a genuine thing. I think people forget about that.

Like, at the end of the day, everything was RP, right? On the server. You know what I mean? Like, everything was RP, Chip. BUT at the same point, even though it was RP Chip, it was still like– there the reality of you were still playing like, with another person, and you were still getting that experience, and it felt like you were genuinely attached to someone and you didn’t want anything bad to happen to them. It was GENUINELY stressful, Chip.

But at the same point, I don’t regret it, and I don’t think it was a bad experience. I’m– 

Sometimes in life Chip, you go through stuff, and maybe you have a certain amount of like, things that like, can happen, that you’re like, “You know what, maybe this wasn’t a good thing that this happened,” but at the same point, you still aren’t necessarily upset about it, because… it’s like growing as a person, right? Here’s the thing Chip; even bad situations, Chip, can lead to an overall good outcome. Like–

Even if you’re going through something bad Chip, just because a bad thing happens doesn’t mean that only bad things have to come from that. That’s one of the things I tell people all the time, Chip, is that if you go through a bad situation, you can learn from it, and you can use your experience to help others. And you can be that– you can be, at the worst-case scenario, you can be someone for other people who are going through that same experience to lean on when they go through that.I think there’s a certain amount of comfort that comes from that; from knowing no matter how bad your situation is, you’re not the only person who’s experienced it. You know what I mean?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

There's nothing he can't do. Yet.

(Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll!)

[crossbackpoke-check]

blessed be (lorscher bienensegen) | telling the bees (wiþ ymbe)

"Bees" [remixed, abridged], Claudia Emerson // "Letter to Someone Living Fifty Years from Now" [remixed. abridged], Matthew Olzmann // "Letter to my Great, Great Grandchild" [remixed, abridged], J.P. Grasser | Len Redkole, Nina Weiss, Brian Babineau, Christian Peterson, Mitchell Leff, Dave Isaac, Megan DeRuchie

[jefferythejelly]

"if there was a big fat cock in front of you and i said if you suck this i'll give you elo you'd do it"

"yeah cuz i'm not homophobic like you"

[blu3c4n4ry]

What a lovey guy i hope he has his passport on him

[send-me-a-puffalope]

i have got to make vanessa more handsome. i need to make vanessa more handsome. handsome vanessa is the way.

[evergreen-endo]

@nyxypoo ok goodnight

[sunsetsentiments]

okay so i love you i'm sorry by gracie abrams is totally about jason and piper from piper's pov. HERE'S WHY,, it's a long one lol

"I told the truth, oh, but you didn't like it, you went home." // "That's just the way life goes, I like to slam doors closed. Trust me, I know it's always about me."

piper is the one who broke up with jason,, and from the burning maze, we know she saw it as an inevitable event. internally, she has been struggling with figuring out who she is outside the perils of demigod life,, and if she's living the life she wants or the one hera/aphrodite wanted for her. basically, she's dealing with the confusion and exhaustion as a result of all the life-changing events of hoo.

while i have comments about the way rick wrote and explained this break-up (again,, topic for another day),, it's clear that piper needed time away from everything to deal with her turmoil, and it's this that drives her to end things with jason. she needed to search for clarity, and she couldn't with him around when his presence in her life only added to her confusion. so she slammed the door closed and thought that it was for the best, and i can imagine jason responding as maturely as he could while still showing signs of heartbreak. all piper could do was let it happen.

"Thankful you don't send someone to kill me."

piper being absolutely relieved and guilty about the way jason responded to her decision 😭

"Two summers from now, we'll have been talking, but not all that often, we're cool now." // "Wistfully lean out my window and watch the sun set on the lake. I might not feel real, but it's okay."

these lyrics capture the kind of relationship piper and jason had - because romantic drama aside,, piper considers him to be her best friend ("more than annabeth"), and even when they were on shaky terms,, they were still able to communicate and understand each other well as noted by apollo. so yeah,, they'd definitely continue being friends even after a break-up. and it's nice and weird and comforting all at once. because the old piper wouldn't have expected things to happen this way,, but the present piper is glad that they can still be in each other's lives.

if only they had enough time to work things out though. because here comes the tragic part 😭

"You were the best but you were the worst, as sick as it sounds, I loved you first. I was a dick, it is what it is, a habit to kick, the age-old curse."

no bc in my head,, this whole bridge is piper's thought process as she deals with losing jason post-burning maze.

he was the best - literally, not only one of the most powerful and reliable demigods, but also the most supportive boyfriend she could ask for - but also the worst,, bc sometimes she felt like she didn't know him,, sometimes he was distant and too inside his own head,, sometimes she wasn't sure if they were meant to be together or not,, and that uncertainty and doubt nagged at her, and it's exactly why she breaks up with him later. but was it really the right decision, or did she let her insecurities control her? and if the latter was true,, then she broke both of their hearts for nothing,, which ultimately led to their strained relationship, and they would neve have full closure bc of what caligula did.

in piper's head,, she might start to think that she made a mess that didn't have to happen,, and the crazy part is she let it happen even though she was the one who loved him and had feelings for him first,, whether they started as an illusion or not.

so how could she possibly let all this happen? we know piper has struggled with a low self esteem since before, and she might look back to past actions that were rash in retrospect,, like stealing cars to get her father's attention. so piper might mistakenly spiral into thinking that everything is her fault bc she was lacking as a person,, and that bc she didn't beat her age-old habits, they haunted her like a curse.

"I tend to laugh whenever I'm sad, I stare at the crash, it actually works. Making amends, this shit never ends, I'm wrong again, wrong again."

piper tried to accept the break-up and losing jason as best as she could. she tried to play down the emotional weight of the break-up in the burning maze bc she felt as though she thought it through,, and at the end of toa, she's obviously trying to move on. these methods seem to work for her on the outside,, but that doesn't mean the grief and confusion has gone away.

the pain and the memories might keep coming back,, and piper might have to grapple with the possibility that she was wrong this whole time, again leading her to believe it was all her fault. in short,, she's confused and devasted and has no idea what the truth is anymore (which is why a book fleshing out her and leo's grief would be SO good).

"I wanna speak in code, hope that I don't, won't make it about me." // "I love you, I'm sorry."

the last chorus of the song beautifully reflects piper's confusion and longing, wishing that maybe she did things a little differently, wishing that maybe she and jason had a different ending.

but the thing is, in spite of all that happened and the confusion she's facing now,, the one thing that never changed was that she loved him, and it's both because of this and in spite of this that she did what she had done, and why she's feeling all these mixed emotions now.

"i love you, i'm sorry" is so powerful coming from piper considering the first time she told him 'i love you' in mark of athena,, and also bc of the whole i'm sorry part. she's sorry about breaking his heart. sorry if she ever made him doubt himself, if he was good enough, if it was his fault. sorry about never properly reconciling. sorry about not being enough to save him. sorry about being unable to say goodbye. sorry about never seeing him one last time.

[sieglinde-freud]

oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng

[shalom-iamcominghome]

English 🤝 Hebrew

Shortening words until they are unintelligible to outsiders

[painless-innit-colourful]

Sunset

Their eyes meet, amber flickering in the reflections in Jack’s pupils. Tubbo’s skin is tingling, vision periodically blurring and he feels a little sick: life returning to atoms that were supposed to be done living is a little violent, a little uncomfortable. Tubbo waits for the nausea to subside before he gives Jack a nod, feeling the prickling shimmer of fire resistance in his system, before he turns towards the lava lighting the room and blocking the way. Or, at least, it had been.

“Really?” Tubbo pauses at Jack’s voice breaking the unnatural quiet. “I’m going to go get him.” “How will you get him out? He doesn’t have resistance as well.” “There’s a hole in the cell. We’ll swim out.”

They share a gaze that feels so very final, even after the past few eternities they’ve waited. “I hope you’re right about him.” “I know I am,” Tubbo affirms. “Have a good rest of your life, Jack.” “You too, man. You too.”

—

“You okay?” Tubbo’s voice bounces around the hollow chamber, echoing off warm obsidian. Tommy’s on his knees, cast in light by the fire at his feet, looking up at Tubbo like he’s looking at an angel. Maybe that’s a bit what it looks like. Tubbo’s not completely sure they count as alive anymore.

“Tubbo-” He stumbles as he tries to get up, as Tubbo scrambles down soft-sharp rock to reach him. They each stop a handful of strides from each other, just staring, just breathing, the amber light washing them out and making them look like the ghosts they feel like, and then Tommy closes the distance with a shriek of pained relief and they crash to the floor and they are very corporeal and very real and very alive. 

They are alive.

Tommy’s crying, he realises, tears falling and very quickly drying due to their proximity to the lava in the floor. They almost ended up in the lava due to Tommy’s lunge, but it doesn’t matter because Tubbo’s teary too, and the warm glow around them is nothing to the warmth inside Tubbo that starts in his heart and expands outwards, steadily, steadily, bringing a feeling that might be life back into his bones and sinew. Coming back to life is new to him, but it’s not the worst feeling.

“I’m-” Tommy sputters between sniffs, “I’m sorry-” “Don’t you dare,” Tubbo pulls him closer, tucking him under his chin, like that’s ever had the power to keep him safe before. “Don’t you dare say that. Don’t.” “Oh- Okay…” After a moment, he laughs. “Hello stranger.” Tubbo smiles and kisses him on the top of his head. He smells like smoke and death. “Hello. We gotta get out of here-” “Yeah…” “-We gotta get you home.” “Home?”

He kisses him one more time, before shifting to his elbows. Their eyes meet, and the light in Tommy’s eyes outshines everything else in this godforsaken room. “Home. We gotta go home.”

—

The room is golden with a refracted autumn sunset when Tubbo hears the click-clonk of the front door through the house. He’s still adjusting funnels and tubes as he hears the approaching footsteps get louder and louder, until Tommy’s leaning on the only empty counter by the door, smiling.

“You’ll never guess who I ran into.” “Who? No, don’t tell me,” Tubbo swaps a full bottle for an empty one. “Santa Claus?” Tommy splutters, “Obviously not. No, Jack. Jack Manifold.”

Tubbo stops to look at him properly, “Wait, really?” “Yeah, and-” He ‘rounds the counter and leans annoyingly on Tubbo’s shoulder. He’s so annoying. The Most Annoying. Tommy ‘The Most Annoying’ Innit. Tubbo feels that familiar warmth he feels whenever he’s near.  “Get this- He’s been in the casino this whole time. In Las Nevadas. He’s a fucking gambler!”

Tubbo mulls this over for a moment, “Y’know… not what I was expecting.” “Right? But he says he’s happy enough, says he likes who he is now more than who he was before, and, I figured, that’s good enough, right?” Tubbo smiles, turning the knob on his filtration contraption, and the golden liquid thins to a stop. He pulls off his gloves and pulls Tommy into an embrace. “Yeah. Good for him. And, y’know, hopefully he does alright. Financially.” “That’s what I said too. He was pleasant. Much more than I was expecting actually. Y’know, considering.”

Tubbo closes his eyes a moment, thinks back. “He was a good guy. Just- Just another victim of… of that place.” He gives Tommy a squeeze, “I believe it’s your turn to cook tonight, Big Man, and you’re late.” “Bloody hell,” Tommy pulls back. Standing behind Tubbo’s equipment, the light cast through the window is the rich colour of butterscotch, and Tommy looks like he’s been dipped in honey. His eyes, his hair, the buttons on his coat all shine gold. They share a wide smile, and Tubbo would bet his life Tommy’s thinking the same looking at him - that neither could go into the darkness without reaching out for the other.

Except he already did. And won.

[mercymaker]

the key to surviving this like/reblog ratio and content quality drop crisis is to make things you enjoy, right? right????

[deus-ex-mona]

herohero will be released at comiket tomorrow(!!!!!!!), so look at nghy again!!!!

[lunetual]

‼️ PONYTAIL LUNE ALERT ‼️

[xxplastic-cubexx]

talked to my friends about fortnite cause onea em keeps asking me to play and i was like 'you know my rules' which invites our other friend to start talking about how well they modeled magneto In Fortnite because he knows My Rules and overall how cool he was and chat when i tell you i was trying very hard not to be a freak about magneto to this person who does not know I Am A Moderate Freak About Magneto ...