#wha t u mean

[stormbreaker-290]

Okay, hear me out, but-

takin a bath with mal?

Any thoughts?

hhhhhhhhhHHhshjdhshsjshxjsuejaydjwyejcbjshseykahdjaiajdhnaishdywksjxhanchjshdjshdh

O h well

Well now I have. Some

A hm

[absentmoon]

where am i

[darabeatha]

gonna be real with you chief i was completely unfamiliar with that copypasta until .2 seconds ago so i thought you were having a crisis on the dash

/ HELPELHPLHEP I JUST FOUND IT AND IT MADE ME LOOSE ITTTT, I love those type of meme-y copypastas so much; lit me at a.rjuna (or any of my fav characters) always

[cithaerons]

thr minute tumblr staff decides to sponsor a fandom it becomes so so annoying

[puppybeetle]

im so sad i desperatly want to switch my name and never use it again but evryone ik irl knows me by it and it so attached to me and tghtas the problem :'(( it makes me nervous taht someone so awful knows anytihng abt me i dont want him to tihnk abt me or even know anytihng abt the person i was

[fade-out-lights]

going to pretend i now only have fandoms where things are kinda fine until i find another fandom where everyone's dying and also. blood.

[aphomic]

Spiritually I pray that when next season comes out, there comes more h.ypmic blogs 🥃🚬

[under-the-dirt]

Can we get a fic where y/n & ghost , soap & gaz are in the living area drinking & prices plaything/gf storms out his room because "you were inside me & called out y/n name" like imagine the shock on the team's faces and price fumbling to explain himself I feel like this could be a couple parts.. 😭

ok first of all so so so so sorry it took forever to do this!! i’ve been struggling with quite a few things including depression and sexual harassment/assault and it’s been a lot!! a reminder, nobody request non-con!!! please i hate it sm. anyways, i was super excited to write this bc i’m a price gallie part two is right here! :3

pairing: price x gn!reader

tags: mentions of sex, military inaccuracies, price is so sexy, mentions of alcohol, masturbation, soap and reader r friends.. UNDER 13 DNI!!!!! I WILL BLOCK U!

It was a calmer day in the TaskForce, everyone back from their missions and just wanting to relax. What better way to do so than letting your worried drift away in an alcohol-fueled haze?

You sat on the couch in the common room, casually sipping some beer with the others. Gaz was telling some story about him and Soap’s mission. You were giggling and laughing, slight blush on your face as your 3rd bottle began to soak into you, clouding your brain. Price was sat in an armchair, manspreading as always, taking slow sips of his whiskey between drags of his cigar. You always found those habits sexy, albeit unhealthy but the way he blew the smoke towards your face when you giggled or made fun of him was just so hot..

Your fun was interrupted by a squeaky girl running into the room and grabbing Price’s shirt. He huffed and put his cigar and glass down, staring up at the fuming girl with confusion.

“What was that last night?!”She screams, practically an angry squeal, and John just shakes his head. “What do you mean?! Last night!”

“Can you stop yelling? I really can’t deal with it right now,” You say softly, slightly annoyed. This girl was the barracks bunny, everyone knew. She was a little whore, running room to room and projecting pornographic moans across the base. All of you hated her, except for those desperate for a quick fleshlight, no strings attached.

“Oh so this is her?” The woman yells, turning to you and grabbing your shirt, pulling you up and onto the floor. You spill your beer on your shirt and sigh.

“Shit- That was the last good one.”

The woman climbs on top of you and slaps you, and price quickly grabs her and pulls her away. He helps you up and stands in front of you.

“What the hell was tha’?!” He yells, staring down at the woman.

“Last night you said her name, not mine!” She yells squeakily, glaring at him.

“So? You’re jus’ a lil’ whore, no strings attached, thas’ right?”

“B-but- You went to me so often!!”

“No strings attached,” He growls, pointing to door for her to leave. She huffs and pouts, running off with her tail between her legs. “I’m sorry, love,” John coos, walking off and grabbing a towel to clean your shirt. He sighs, walking back to you and handing you the towel.

“No use, that bottle was practically full,” You say, taking off your shirt and cleaning the beer off your wet chest. Price gapes for a moment before returning to his seat and taking a long drag of his cigar. After cleaning yourself up, you plop back down onto a clean part of the couch.

“So.. Cap’n, you wanna explain t’ us wha’ your pre’y plaything was talkin’ about?” Soap asks, a confident smirk on his face. Price blushes and clears his throat, feeling like a little schoolgirl.

“She’s just talkin’ crazy,” He chuckles. “Welp, I’m gonna hit the hay..” He pats his knees as he hops up and walks out, and Soap stares at you.

“Suspicious?” You ask, meeting his gaze.

“Suspicious,” He confirms, and you laugh, hopping up to go to bed as well. You grab your wet shirt and head off to your room.

In your bed, all you could think about was what she said.. Does Price think about you? Does he finish to the thought of you? The thought invoked a familiar warmth between your legs, which you had no choice but to indulge, moaning Price’s name softly…

okay ermmmmmmmm i might turn this into a little series 🤑 ty ty ty anon and tysm for your patience!! it took a while to convince myself to write this <33 also super sorryz that this one’s extra short i have no motivation to write longer but i’ll work on it <3

[actualbird]

who in the nxx yells “THERE’S A BUG” and who removes the bug, and how?

HELP HAHAHAKHVFAHSF THIS IS A LOVELY PROMPT, THANK U FOR THIS!!!

those who yell "THERES A BUG": marius and mc

now im not saying both of them are particularly squeamish, no no, they can definitely keep it cool when the situation Calls For It. that being said, seeing a bug in the nxx meeting room on a slow day isnt exactly the most high stakes of situations, so the most High Stakes Element remains to be whatever bug they see

mc just doesnt like bugs, theyre creepy theyre crawly and she doesnt trust anything that can dart out of her line of vision in the blink of an eye

marius also doesnt like bugs and because of his upbringing, he did not get to see very many of them growing up. which means every time he Did see a Bug Intruder, it's like a Category 5 Drama Moment

the moment they see the bug, theyre announcing it LOUDLY to everybody else in the room while also getting up to stand on some chairs

those who dont yell "THERES A BUG" but does look at the bug and track its every movement while sitting still like a statue hoping the bug doesnt notice him, as if bugs operate on some kind of t-rex knowledge: artem

let's rewind a bit. before marius and mc saw the bug, artem saw it first. and he just

didnt say anything about it

artem.....Also Does Not Like Bugs. but he also also doesnt like being loud about things he doesnt like so he just Sits There, so still you'd think he fucking died, and he hopes the bug mistakes him for some kind of inanimate man-shaped furniture and avoids him due to sheer disinterest

it doesnt avoid him.

it probably crawls or flies very close to him a few times the only thing that stops him from screaming "THERES A BUG" is his self-control thats as hard as cast-iron skillet

it's fine though because marius and mc spot it and sound the alarm

(thank god)

those who remove the bug: luke and vyn

luke and vyn are the ones who will both 1) be completely unbothered by the bug and 2) have to bring it out

the reason for luke is obvious, he's had wilderness survival training and probably had to eat bugs like in an episode of Man VS Wild to survive on an uninhabited island, so hes REALLY past any squeamishness with bugs. in fact, if mc said the word, luke would grab the bug and crush it with his bare hands

and vyn is a gardener!!! bugs are APLENTY in the garden, so he sees them not as malevolent but as important creatures in a healthy ecosystem. the bug probably got in from vyn's garden, actually, since nxx hq is on his property

and thus

The Timeline Of Events When a Bug Appears In The NXX HQ Meeting Room

bug: //crawls in

artem: //sees it, soul leaves his body for a bit and he petrifies himself as a defense mechanism

mc: why did artem go so still

marius: i dont know, maybe hes rebooting?

mc: dont be mean!

marius: im not being mea---FUCK

mc: what?

marius: THERES A BUG

mc: theres a wha---THERES A BUG

marius and mc: //immediately moving to stand on the couch

artem: //still Not Moving, hoping that mc and marius' sudden movements attract it

bug: //flexes wings open and closed

mc: NNNNO NO NO NO

marius: STOP DOING THAT MOTHERFUCKER

mc: NONONNONONONNNONONNOONONOONOO

marius: AAAAAAAAAA

vyn and luke, coming back in from where they were in the file room: ???

mc: THERES A BUG THERES A BUG

luke: oh. do you want me to kill it?

mc: NO!!

marius: YES!!!!!!

artem: i havent moved in 20 minutes

mc: JUST BRING IT OUT

luke: dead or alive?

mc: ALIVE

marius: DEAD

vyn, while they were all conversing: //gently coaxes the bug onto his palm and lets it out through the window

vyn's rationale here was that luke was doing a great job at handling (i.e. distracting) the People, so he went ahead and took care of the Bug. the bug will not be returning to the nxx meeting room because it was quite cold with no soil and also VERY loud

[meowm30w180]

A Useless closet

__

The mysterious woman picks you up by the back of your shirt collar of your school uniform, lifting you to your feet. Your hitching breath still audibly noticeable as she dusts the slight dust off your thighs as if you're her personal property.

"...youre very obedient, aren’t you?".

"..h-huh..?"

"Be a good girl and behave yourself and stay here until I come back. if you run, I'll make sure to hunt you down.. Understand?"

____

when your friends are currently being butchered like mere insects, you cower inside an old junk closet silently praying to any god out there to hide your presence from whatever is out there causing this terror.

Sadly, God ignores your begs and somebody senses you inside the closet. Your heart pounds at the antagonizing slow sly steps striding your way as you await your fate.

Though what awaits you outside that door is nothing in your wildest dreams could have ever imagined...

_____________

A useless closet

_____________

School hours go by pretty fast when everything is so bland. It's the same every day, same classes, same people, same food, same routine, and you prefer to keep it simple that way.

Though, it's hard to stay simple when everyone is jumping up and down raving about the ChainsawMan church. Personally, you don't want any part in it. you like chainsaw man but you're not gonna bow down to the guy and praise him... that's like some cult stuff.

damn its almost 3:00pm its almost time to g-

"HEY Y/N!!"

you’re knocked out of your thoughts by the high-pitched voice of one of your not so fond of friends.

*God all she does it talk about chainsaw man can't she get the hint that I don't care?*

"Oh... hi Kohana. what do you want?

"Well like, me Saiko and Muri were wondering your opinions on Chainsaw Man??"

yea who would have guessed what she wanted was about chainsaw man...

"I mean I guess he's not that bad..."

"What are you even talking about OF COURSE hes not bad hes literally THE chainsaw man, anyways we wanted to bring you with us to join the ChainsawMan Church!!"

"no"

"wha-?"

"I'm not joining the ChainsawMan Church, don't they force you to marry some random guy??"

"Yea but only if it's a hot guy obv"

"..."

"COME ONNNN both Saiko and Muri are waiting outside for us lets hurry up and go already"

"Who said I'm joinin-"

*As you try to protest, she grabs your hand, practically dragging you out of your seat to join her and your other chainsaw man fanatic friends outside

you could have denied them anytime, with every step they took to the ChainsawMan Church you could have walked away anytime but you continued to walk with them. Maybe it's because they're the only people that give your life a little bit more spark, so everything isn't so boring every day. Or maybe it's because you simply do NOT want to lose your only friend group. Even if they are kind of annoying, at least you technically fit into somebody's life.

you rant on about why you're still walking with them and eventually arrive at the ChainsawMan Church.

unsurprisingly, its filled with a multiple of other people from your school and some random other teens your age, and of course you're among them as well.

Chatting about chainsaw man and mingling with the other chainsaw man fanatics, you find yourself wandering about the chainsaw man church alone. surprisingly decently empty, you expected for there to be at least more people around, but you find yourself alone on the 2nd floor, how did they manage to get this ENTIRE building to themselves??

man, its hella boring here, what do they even do all da-

SOMEBODY HELP U-

"What the hell?!"

screaming, the sounds of the people you just had small talk with, their screams ringing through the halls of the hallway you're in, is it a devil? isn't it their job to kill it? what the hell is going on??

AAUGG-

screams abruptly being cut off by something.

are they... are they dying??

aren't your friends out there?? why are you even asking that of course they are. what the hell is happening down there??

the screams continue and then continue to be cut off, and the reality of the situation is starting to sink in. Theres some shit going on down there, and you’re definitely not stupid enough to go down there and find out.

ducking into a dusty old junk closet to escape the messed-up horrors down there might just be the better option, even if you now cramped and uncomfortable in this tiny little room with a bunch of chainsaw man cutouts.

the halls no longer become empty as people run up the stairs scrambling into the halls from downstairs pushing each other around to get anywhere BUT the stairs.

the panic in their faces sends shivers down your spine.. this is defiantly getting to you..

you see Kohana among the crowd, about to open the closet to call her over, a swift movement brushes through the crowd, everyone goes silent.

you don't know what exactly happened but you lose the confidence to open the door, you back up into the chainsaw man cutouts..

not knowing what happened you sink into the corner your mind wandering all over the walls. but the liquid seeping under the door silences all your questions..

your heart practically stops as you see the crimson red leak under the door with the dim light making the horrific color glossen under the crack of the door,

your breath hitched and it feels like your being chocked by your own fear.. and the god awful silence is killing you. you've never been this scared in your entire life and your praying your fear doesn't make your weak "hiding spot" known

*Tap Tap Tap*

"..."

a slow sly pace striding over to the closet

you try to stop breathing, but the hitch in your breath is still there making it impossible to keep quiet entirely.

you feel like a bug being squashed under the pressure of a boot, should you run? that's out of the question, your too petrified to even move like you’re frozen in time. the steps getting closer and closer making your heart beat faster and faster enough to give you a heart attack and practically die before you even get the chance to see your soon to be killer, the one that will slaughter you without a second thought, *why are they taking their sweet time to kill me?? are they playing with me like pray??*

all you can do is curl into the corner and await your fate as the footsteps eventually stop, casting a shadow on the glossy liquid under the door making it dull.

you can't accept this fate, but theres absolutely nothing you can do but cower and silently cry and hic like a little baby...

*creeeek...*

"..."

"..."

why are they just standing there...?

the door opens, but your too busy cowering into your knees to look up and see, not that your confident to even look up at them anyways...

the unknown person finally moves forward towards you, tracking the liquid further into the room, the person pays no mind to it. positioning themselves in front of you reaching out their hand to grasp the back of your shirt collar of your uniform. lifting you to your feet with no struggle, lightly brushing the dust from your thigh and moving the hair from your face to see your puffy eyes and rosey tear stained cheeks as you hic in their grasp, giving not only them but you the slight view of looking at their face.

"look at me, sweetheart.."

is that...? is that a woman's voice...?

slowly looking up at the voice you lock eyes with the most beautiful woman you have ever met up close in person. firm jaw structure, silver silk hair, milky skin,.. *is this really my murderer?*

the sweet name she called you made your heart flutter, and then that sweet feeling turned into guilt for getting flustered from the person that killed over 50 students including your friends, your friends.. if she killed your friends what makes you so special, why are you of all people getting the special treatment...?

"youre very obedient, aren’t you.."

"...h-huh..?"

"be a good girl and stay here until I fetch you, don't run, I'll make sure to hunt you down, I will catch you..., understand?"

"..."

"answer"

*who does this woman think she is?? you think I'm just gonna listen to you after you butchered my friends and practically traumatize me?? Don't even fucking play with me you insane bitch.*

"...yes ma'am"

"good girl"

...I'm such a wimp...

*timeskip 30 mins later*

this is insane it feels like its been hours you've been cowering inside this closet, is that woman even coming back?? you don't even know her name, not like you care you just wanna go home... its not like you have any friends anymore anyways. this woman has the audacity to try to sweet talk you and order you around?? this is bullshi-

*tap tap tap*

*gulp*

*creeek*

the door opens, revealing the same woman as earlier, the same menacing aura illuminating from her lean body

"I assumed you ran, I was getting ready to go hunting. Good girl..."

she coos to you as she slowly strides to you and picks you up the same way she did earlier like a little ragdoll.

"..."

"hm.. what's your name, sweetheart?"

"...Y/N..."

"Hm"

The woman didn't say anything as she continued to inspect you, lightly brushing her slim fingers through your hair. You find yourself a little bit more comforted in this so far horrible day by the contact, but then remember who caused it.

This woman is too confusing to you, what does she even want with you..?

"What do you want with me..?"

"..."

"Do you want money?? I don't have any money just please let me go.. I swear on my life I won't tell anyone who you are just please let me go I'm begging you.."

"..."

Gripping the wrists that hold you up in the air, the woman sets you down allowing you to stand on your own. However with the dismay of getting your shoes sticky from the gruesome liquid that still invades the floor.

Her 6'1 body towering over you even more, she bends down and lowers her head to get a better view of your face.

"What I want?"

"Yes... tell me"

The woman lowers her gaze towards you and steps closer, you try to back away but a firm iron grip is placed on your shoulder, the other sets itself on her hip.

"I want you"

"What..?"

You don't understand, what is she getting at here,

"I want you, to be my woman"

"What are you talking about..?"

"I think you already know"

"..."

You can't help but wonder what her goal is, and why she picked you of all people, because you were cowering away in a closet and let your friends be butchered? The guilt is eating you alive and then this woman wants you to be hers? After what she's done to your friends? She's just some sick weirdo"

"What if.. I deny"

"This isn't a request, it's an order"

With saying that, she crouches down and scoops you up swinging you over her shoulder as if you weighed absolutely nothing, you slightly squirm in her grip too scared to do anything else.

The woman walks out of the closet and your greeted with a scene that you could have never been prepared for..

Bodies, upon bodies, upon bodies, of headless students that all from together to make a blood pool on the once hard wood floor of the building, the white on their uniforms are no longer visibl-

"..HRrgEh"

You feel like your about to throw up... your stomach drops to the lowest pit of your stomach as you see the gut wrenching head of Kohana, your friend.. lying decapitated in a pool of blood. You might have disliked her a little bit but you would never wish this upon her, or anybody, especially Kohana...

Your disgust is directed to the person your being held captive by and you soon start to pry yourself out of her grip, your not some obedient little wimp

The woman grips your thigh with a death grip, nails digging onto your thigh and tears threatening to break from yours eyes.

"Behave"

you start to silently cry, even though it doesn't sound too quiet, how could you be quiet in a situation like this.. the "quiet" cries progressively turn into ugly cries as you wish this was all a dream, the nails that dig into your thigh should have woken you like a pinch but your still here in this nightmare..

"weehhh.. pleasee *hic* just kill me *hic* already..."

You beg and sob uncontrollably in the grasp of the woman still walking through the bodies of the mangled corpses.. your vision blurred with tears and the last thing you see is the bloody footprints left behind on the floor as your carried away to an unknown destination.

__________

Guilty pleasure

__________

Ouch..

Groggily moaning, your eyes sore, you peak your eyes open from your slumber and stare up at the ceiling. Recalling the horrid things your brain imagined while you were sleeping, you wonder how your brain could have thought up something so bizarre...

"Fuck.. that was a messed up dream.."

You prepare to get up, to go wash up and getting ready for school...

"...?"

This isn't your room

"..what the fuck??"

You don't know how you didn't realize it before, maybe because you were half asleep but this is NOT your room, was your nightmare really not a nightmare..? Is Kohana really dead? And that woman?

That woman...

Is this her room? And did she strip you??

Standing in only bra and underwear, your mind racing with all the thoughts running through your head on the things she wants from you.. rape?, death?, god your so scared right now especially since your half naked and none of your cloths are in sight.

Feeling exposed (even if your alone) and defeated, you retreat back into the fluffy white blankets of the bed. now that your realizing it, it's really comfy.. squirming in the sheets like a cat, you feel slightly guilty feeling this much comfort in the sheets of a murderer

That murderer.. you almost forgot about her, who knows when she's gonna come back into the room. If she catches you up she might do something to you...

You shuffle out from the sheets and sit up on the bed, and notice the window over the bed frame. You eagerly crawl to it, finding your escape route. Only realizing after looking down 8 stories of floors of an apartment building down to the busy streets...

"Damn"

The hope slightly dies inside you, but you still have other options. You might be able to sneak out of here and run out the door. In order to that though... you need clothes. You would prefer your own clothes but that's out of the question, unless you somehow find them.

scavenging through the closet of the bedroom looking for something to cover up your lewd body. It doesn't help much, all of the cloths are bigger than you by far compared to your smaller frame, that woman practically towered over you in the close-

*tap* *tap* *tap*

"?!"

You hear the distant sound of footsteps approaching the door as your currently face first inside her closet wardrobe. as you scramble out shutting the door behind you,  you dive into the bed where you were before you woke up. Maybe, hopefully if you pretend to sleep, then she'll leave you alone and you have more time to prepare your escape plan

Positioning yourself the way you awoke, she might not notice you were even awake. You’re not stupid.

You shut your eyes and pray she just walks out after seeing your still slumbering

*creeek*

"..."

The woman walks up to you without a sound and stands over your half naked body. lighting pushing the hair out of your face and presses her thumb on your bottom lip, ever so slightly spreading your lips apart from each other gently

What is she doing..?

The woman bends down, her lips glazing atop your lips, soon began touching. Closing the distance between you two as her soft lips lightly pressed against your own.

It felt like this moment lasted forever and before you knew it she was stepping away, leaving the room as silent as she came in, shutting the door behind her.

Your eyes shot open as soon as the door shuts, contemplating what the hell just happened.

Your stunned, you don't even have anything to say, it all happened so fast, too fast.

You sit up on the bed, your cut bangs falling back in your face as you began trying to shimmy of the be-

"Hey"

"!!?"

The woman, standing against the wall looking down at you with the door closed behind her.

Turns out, the woman shutting the door behind her, was actually shutting her self inside. standing next to the door, the woman probably figured your fake sleeping and decided to catch you in the act, and it worked... you never would have guessed a stunt being pulled like that, you never would have guessed the stunts she's been pulling all day.

You can imagine the face you made when you were caught red handed in your act, she probably knows what your up to as well, trying to leave.

You both stare at each other in patronizing silence until the white haired woman breaks the tension and walks back over to you, her eyes never breaking apart from yours

Your too scared to even breathe as you stare up at the woman, and now in a lightened room, your now able to peek out all of her features.

Jesus.. And shes practically a Greek God..

Her thin silver hair glistening in the sun beams passing through the window making it shine like silk. skin pale with the sun beams hitting her skin making it a warm milky tone, suiting her well. you can just imagine how smooth it must feel. Though, the sun beams never making contact with her dark dim eyes, err- "eye"..

a black eyepatch shields her right eye from view, you wonder what happened. Though the eyepatch makes her all the more more intriguing by the minute.

The thoughts surrounding this woman makes you forget the fact that your both still staring at each other, snapping back to reality once u feel her eyes cut into you.

You blush as you feel her slim fingers slip up your neck to gently cress your chin, tilting your head even more upwards,

"...mm-ma'am.."

The woman doesn't respond as you struggle to push your words out. you don't understand these feeling you have towards this woman, you don't even know what she wants with you let alone her name..

"Be my woman"

"M-Ma'am..?"

"I want you to be my woman"

"...ngh.."

You never been good at accepting confessions.. or at least you figured it wouldn't be as easy since nobody has ever done it to you. though, can this really be considered a confession...? And she's a woman, girls can't date girls can they?? How would that even work??

You don't know what to say, or at least you don't know what to say to not piss her off, considering what she did back at the church.

This is too much confrontation... it's like when your teacher asks you to partner up with the people you don't even know.. and you desperately try to come up with a reason to slip out of the class and show up at the end of the hour and miss the entire assignment.

Coming up with the excuse your most familiar with to get out of confrontation.. you push the words out of your mouth and hopefully it ends the tension between the two of you.

"...I-I have to use the bathroom"

"..."

"..."

"Come here"

"Huh-"

The woman swoops you into her arms and Carries you out the bedroom into a hallway, there isn't much scenery though at the end of the hall you catch some glimpses of some plants decorating the room they sit in, you would have never guessed a woman like her would be into keeping plants, it's cute...

the woman opens another door revealing a tidy bathroom, it's just your average bathroom. Bar of soap on the counter top next to the faucet, a toilet, a shower, typical bathroom necessities.

She places you onto the ground allowing you to stand by yourself, and also allowing the cold air around you to brush against your lewd body, making you cover yourself out of shame and embarrassment.. you almost forgot that you were practically nude due to her body heat from her carrying you keeping you warm, it was nice...

The woman must have noticed your reflexes as she begins to shut the door before sliding a couple words in before she leaves

"I took your clothes because there was blood on them, and now there stained. I'll give you one of my sweaters."

Finally shutting the door on her way out, you blush from the fact the you'd be wearing one of her clothing items..

Your sitting in the bathroom, though usually you have your phone. And since you don't, all your mind can do is think, think about your complex feeling towards that woman..

You feel hot, heat rising up to your face as you think about the way she bridal style carried you just now, how she threw you over her shoulders back at the church, how you want her to touch you again..

A woman you haven't even known for an hour just massacred a group of teens, and here you are sitting in her bathroom wishing for her touch again. Her strong lean figure that pressed against you.

It's too hot in this bathroom...

You walk out the bathroom, and notice the front door in the living room. This is an apartment complex, there's sure enough a neighbor across from this apartment. You could run to the neighbors and beg them for help as you explain how you been kidnapped by some lunatic.

Or at least, that could have happened. as you stand in the bedroom of your capture you spot the owner of the room sitting on the bed, gaze directing its way towards you as you enter.

"..."

"...it's hot"

You stand in place as you lightly pant and fan yourself, she watches you

You stare at her and silently beg to pull out some kind of fan, you both stare at each other until her eyes move downwards

You feel something wet run down your leg...

...

You now know why it's "hot"

You shy away and cover your legs, still silently whimpering, like a shameful dog.

The woman beckons you over to her, your too ashamed to move as the sticky fluid slowly gushes from your undergarments.

The woman stands and walked over too you as she grabs your chin and forces it upwards so to look at her only.

"Strip"

____________

Under pressure

____________

"Strip"

"H-huh..?"

The woman grips your shoulders in a dominating manner and glares at you with her dark eyes

"Strip down"

Your currently backed into a corner while dripping from your legs onto the maroon carpet as this woman is demanding that you embarrass yourself even more than you already are. your so embarrassed in fact, that you couldn't even bring yourself to answer with your voice, all you can do is look down and shake your head..

The woman, displeased, moves her hands from your shoulders around to your back. Unbuckling your bra

"?!"

You gasp as you hold your bra cups to your chest in attempt to prevent her from doing anything else.

"Move your hands for me"

"..."

Your hands sink to your side in defeat... you feel so humiliated as she continues to strip you out of your bra. Sliding the straps off of your shoulders as you start to slightly tear up. Your (sadly) small boobs spring out as she removes the bra cups from your boobs.

"Good girl"

The woman praises you as she tosses the bra onto the carpet, now feeling around to your small breasts. Kneading your boobs that barely fit in her palm, She pinches your nipples, making your nipples harden and now sensitive to the touch. The contact making your back slightly arch as little grunts threatening to escaping your lips

Giving one last squeeze to your breasts, slowly, her hands move down your waist to your hips. She crouches down and her face inches away from your clothed pussy

The wetness seeping through the fabric of your panties, as you shiver from the cold hands of the woman griping your hips. Until her thumb brushes your clit from the fabric, you jolt from the contact and squeeze your legs together.

"Ngh...!"

Your breath picks up from the sudden contact, panting as you look down at her. The woman looks up at you, catching you looking at her and now making eye contact. You immediately look up, avoiding eye contact.

Your thigh gap still exposing your crotch, the woman continues to tease your soaking pussy through your underwear. Rubbing her thumb on your clit through the wet fabric of your panties.

Two fingers pull down the front of your panties, peaking at the wet lips that you tried to avoid being seen to no avail. Her thumbs sneak under your pantie lining and began to pull down on them. Pulling down the fabric just enough for them to slide down your legs and pool around your ankles onto the floor.

You are now completely naked, and at the complete mercy of the white haired woman whose tongue is inching its way to your throbbing clit

Without warning, the woman wraps her lips around your sensitive clit, making a shameful moan you tried to cover with your lips

"MmmMmfp-!"

She edges your clit with her tongue, swiping her wet tongue across your soaked lips. Licking up every trace like a hound dog. She firmly holds your ass with her hands deepening her face further into you as she holds you in place

She pulls your ass further to her making your knees bend, you feel yourself about to give out as you balance yourself against the wall as she continues to suck away.

The more she fondles her tongue on your clit, the more you feel yourself spilling over the edge. You lightly buckle your hips forward into her face, she pulls back, licking her lips as she releases her hands from you ass that gripped to your flesh, leaving little nail marks

You wasn't able to cum since she stopped tongue playing your clit. but the way she hungrily stares you down, you think she has more plans of exploring you inside and out.

She stands up and swiftly grabs you by the waist and carries you back to the bed, still extra soak, your small boobs slightly jiggle from the sudden movement,

She then sits down on the bed, still clothed, and wraps her hands around your waist and pulls you to her

"Come here, pretty girl"

You blush and look down to where she wants you to sit. She rubs her knee, pulling your hips towards her as your slit glazes her kneecap.

You shyly sit yourself onto her thigh

Your arms squeeze her suit as support as she holds your back as her other hands moves towards your ass and rubs your cheek.

Now, straddling her thigh, Your already sensitive clit makes contact with the fabric of her suit pants,  and you jolt from the contact.

You try to sit up to avoid the contact but was denied by the sudden hands on your hips shoving you even harder down onto her thigh, making you lightly moan out.

"Ngh!"

The woman moves your hips back and forth on your thighs, driving you crazy from all the pressure on your clit. Wet streaks covered the woman's thighs under you as you quiver from the contact of her cold hands forcefully rubbing you back and force against her. your little body vs. Her big strong hands are no match and all you can do is take it.

The heat starts to boil inside you and your dirty urges start to seep out from pure lust for more, roughly gripping at her shirt as your soft moans become more louder with each passing minute on her thigh, until the woman suddenly stops.

Though, you don't

Now, you yourself are rubbing your wet slit sloppily all over her thigh with eager pleasure, and the woman looks pleased. Looking down at you intensely as you bury your face into her chest.

"Good girl"

The woman moves your chin up to look up at her as you continue riding her thigh, and rubs your forehead in approval motions, praising you as your needy little pussy dirties up her thigh with your juices.

The woman brings your chin up higher as your pussy struggles to stay in touch with her thigh, she also lowers her head and your lips make contact. Her lips roughly taking yours into a deep kiss as she begins slipping her tongue into your mouth. Now tonguing each other, your tongues wrap around each other as you bounce up and down on her thigh. It's so hot, too hot..

The woman breaks the kiss and stares at you deeply

"Cum for me baby"

You begin riding faster, your riding becomes sloppy and more rough as your climax approaches. Now riding as fast as you can, you cum all over her thigh, as the liquids drowse her thigh dripping onto the carpet.

Your tired and sweaty to feel embarrassment and fall backwards, only before the woman catches you before you completely fall off her thigh.

Picking you up and laying you down onto the soft sheets. About to drowsy off, as you hear the sound of the unzipping of a pant fly and unbuttoning on cloths then hitting the ground in your half conscious state.

The woman opens her side drawer and rummages through it, pulling out something.

You hear the *click* sound and the rustling of something, before the woman crawls into the bed and hangs over you.

You too tired to react as she lifts your legs and spreads them apart, laying them to the side of her hips. You never would have expected what she pulled out of that drawer was, until she inserted the tip inside of you, your eyes shoot open to see the identity of the foreign object.

"WA?"

A big, black dildo strapped to the now naked woman is slowly inserting itself into your pussy

"W-wait! Slower! It's too big!"

"You'll fit"

The dildo continues pushing its way inside you as it stops, now gently pumping in and out of your slot.

"Ngh mmffma'am.. gentle.." you pled

You being too dry is no issue, due to you already dripping all over the place, your hole happily obliges to the strap on pumping in and out your needy pussy.

The woman continues to pump the strap on in and out of you eventually increasing the pace of the movement making you pant and breathless, it's hot, and hard to breathe from how much our panting and moaning.

"Ungh, uck, *hic* nghh-ma'am!"

"Breathe baby"

The woman cups your cheeks as she continues to fuck your tight pussy as you both stare into each others eyes,

"Can you take it all for me baby? Hm? Can you go deeper?"

"Y-yes mmmma'amm, ngh, I can take it ms.."

"Good girl, you can take it"

The woman plunged deeper inside you, sinking into your hole as your pussy takes it in with no problem

"Ngh! A- S-Slow down!"

The woman rams into you at a merciless pace, as the sound of wet gushing sounds and your loud guilty moans fill the room

Your brain feels like it's starting to melt as you try to drift away from reality as your head tilts back. But rough hands grasp hold of your head, forcing your to look back at her

"Look at me, pretty girl"

You comply, looking at her with pleading eyes, eyes pleading for more as she rams into you at a sloppy pace as you feel yourself spilling over the edge

"Cum for me sweetheart"

Your eyes roll to the back of your head. Not without the loudest shameful moan you had let out as you hit your climax and cum, messing the bed in your wetness

"Huugghh.. hugh.. hughh.."

"Pretty girl, you did so well"

She strokes your hair, pushing it out of your face, u feel fuzzy. But too tired to care.

She rustles around the room, cleaning up the toys, cleaning up blankets, and came back with a towel to clean up your messy legs, spreading them apart and gently rubbing it over your pampered slot. Then throwing it onto the floor while still keeping her eye set onto you. The only thing on her mind is you

Even tho she didn't get too much action on her own body, your pleasure is her pleasure. Seeing you look up at her embarrassed and lustful for only her turns her on like nothing else

"Ngh.."

The woman, still naked, climbs into bed and wraps her arm around you in a sort of head lock position, but a gentle one, while another pulls you closer as she spoons your limp body.

"Mmh, miss..?" You say, sloppily, drooling from the need to sleep

"Hm"

"Whats.. what's your name..?"

...

"Quanxi"

____

First writing😭 hope it’s good

[mulletmitsuya]

Toman Groupchat

Warnings: swearing, suggestive language, might be offensive idk (lmk if it is so i should take it down if necessary) , mentions of birth, mentions of alcohol and weed, gayness

Desc: it's Mitsuya's day of birth

Chifuyu: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MITSUYA-KUN ⚠️❗💜😋😁

Baji: what's up with the emoji's

Mitsuya: thanks Chifuyu

Baji: happy getting out of the pussy day

Mitsuya: 😐

Kazutora: didn't he get circumcised?

Mitsuya: man what

Baji: ...

Baji: fuck that gotta do with what i just said

Baji: you just say shit

Kazutora: i'm talking about his birth method

Kazutora: keep up, Keisuke 😐

Chifuyu: you're so fucking stupid

Kazutora: HOW AM I STUPID

Kazutora: Mitsuya's mom was circumcised

Kazutora: it wasn't a vaginal birth

Kazutora: he was essentially removed, rather than birthed

Baji: "he was essentially removed, rather than birthed🤓👆"

Mikey: bro how do you even know that?

Chifuyu: R U TALKING ABOUT A C-SECTION????

Kazutora: IS THAT WHAT I FUCKING SAID?? NO

Kazutora: i hate talking to stupid mf's 🙄

Baji: i don't understand why people say i'm the stupidest

Draken: *most stupid

Draken: you honestly proved everyone's point

Baji: fuck off

Mitsuya: ok you guys can shut up now

Draken: happy birthday Takashi

Draken: my sworn brother

Draken: my other half

Draken: my twin dragon

Draken: love ya man

Mitsuya: thank you Draken🙂

Baji: did u have socks on

Draken: ...?

Baji: you can't say "i love ya" and "my other half" without any socks on

Baji: it implies a sense homosexuality

Baji: but if you have socks on then it's fine

Draken: i'm sick of you

Baji: bro doesn't have any socks on 💀

Mitsuya: you guys can shut up now x2

Mitsuya: also

Mitsuya: you don't all have to say happy birthday just say it when we meet up cause i feel awkward saying thank you to every single one of you

Mikey: hope you enjoyed my birthday present 💪😎

Mitsuya: yeah...

Mitsuya: the half eaten taiyaki

Mitsuya: appreciate it

Mikey: anything for the homies ❤

Mitsuya: 😒

Draken: where's Hakkai

Draken: surprised he hasn't said anything about your birthday

Mitsuya: he's planning a surprise birthday party

Baji: surprise🤨?

Mitsuya: he told me not to not text him cause he's busy with my surprise birthday party

Mitsuya: i don't think he realized that he told me

Mitsuya: i don't wanna bum him out so i'll still act surprised

Mitsuya: i appreciate it either way

Chifuyu: Takemitchy, Angry and I have been helping him plan this for weeks, and he just fucking told you😐

Mitsuya: i guess lol

Mitsuya: also said he has a surprise for me

Baji: he's gonna tongue you down, i just know it

Mitsuya: stfu

Mikey: are y'all together or not

Mitsuya: don't know what you're taking about

Draken: bro's taking his time

Mikey: Mitsuya you're 21 now

Mikey: it's been 8 years???😭

Smiley: i may not have a birthday present but i'll bring queer and weed

Smiley: since y'all follow the law or whatnot and you're legal now

Smiley: hypocrites

Draken: what's wrong with following the law?

Smiley: you think beating people half to death was fucking legal, Draken?

Draken: well... no

Draken: doesn't mean we should abuse substances, underage

Smiley: ❤H Y P O C R I T E❤

Smiley: and a lot of the people we know smoke so idk why you're all the way in my ass rn

Draken: yeah but cigarettes aren't drugs

Smiley: weed >>>>> cigarettes

Draken: the ability to breath when i'm in my thirties >>>>

Smiley: fair

Baji: wdym you'll bring a queer and weed🤨

Smiley: why would i bring a queer when Mitsuya is literally right there

Smiley: i meant beer

Smiley: pride month changing my damn autocorrect😒

Kazutora: stop saying slurs

Smiley: bro the gays reclaimed that shit

Smiley: it's a blanket term for the ABCDEFG community or whatever the fuck

Draken: i feel like you're being homophobic

Smiley: nuh uh

Smiley: dude look

Smiley: 👬 👭

Smiley: see?😁

Smiley: am i still homophobic?

Baji: he got us there

Draken: wha-

Draken: what the fuck is that supposed to prove?

*Hakkai has gone online*

Hakkai: HI TAKA-CHAN

Hakkai: could you please come over to my place for no particular reason?🤔

Hakkai: hmmmm, it kinda feels like i'm forgetting something

Hakkai: maybe like, a public holiday?

Hakkai: who knows?🤷‍♂️

Hakkai: anyway

Hakkai: let's hang out like the regular days in which we are normal 🤗

Hakkai: see you soon 😁

Mitsuya: ...

Mitsuya: yeah sure Hakkai

Mitsuya: be right over

Hakkai: ❤

*Hakkai has gone offline*

Mikey: 💀

Chifuyu: i hate him

Baji: did he even fucking try

[fisheito]

Obligatory noctilucent post and i probably won't bring it up again:

-been playing since ... whenever they officially launched

-for the longest time the game gave me two chars i had zero interest in , and i sobbed pathetically in Poison Relief when they asked me to tap their dicks

-i originally thought Poison Hotspots were determined by personality, but I'm starting to think it's randomly generated

-now curious if I'll ever have to slap mishe's dick around because the only time i PR'd him , his hotspot was his hand.

-yes ok i see that it is random now but that makes me a lil sad because i wish some chars were exclusively leg freaks or wrist freaks or ThatOneMicroscopicPartoftheHip freaks u know hwwhat i mean

-i learnt that i do not cry pathetically every time the game wants me to Tap Crotch. Only when i must Tap Crotch someone i do not desire carnally

-on that note, why TF havent yall given me someone i desire carnally

-why is a he a top. Ok >, i know why he's a top. But u know wha t? I'm gonna de-top him . Until someone more appealing wanders into my sightline

-im struggling to stay immersed because everyone is so sad but no one is coping in the same way as me (not a single depressed clown in the group from what i see so far)

-yes, the underlying profound sadness. Yes, there's ljttle point to life. Yes, everyone u love is dying. Or. U dont know what it feels to love at all. Ok, but can you do a little song and dance to run from your existential angst

-wAIT are They GIVING ME A CHARACTER I WANT???? NO WAY BOYYEEEEEE hold up i gotta throw mega chowder at this bitcj

-hahaahhahhaahhhahahahahahhaa hyasha and sen being the same element in both their SR and SSR units so they always end up on th3 same team Do Not Separate

-wait omg for real Do Not Separate? For real? Are you realsing me rnMqmam

-cockblocked by chapter 7 boss. It's been weeks. Months. I even saw that announcement where they adjusted chap 7 to be easier..how? Where? I dony see it. I dont feel it. I dont have enough HP in the world

-i have unlocked 2 SSR rooms and both of them have anli coming pathetically multiple times while his partner is like lol that wont do

-and tbh that's great bc i find that more relatable aHAHAHA 3 pump chump anli i get you. . Look at these dudes. Understandable

-why tHe Frck they dint giv me the fishamn

-Fishless. Nocti wont let me be a schooling fish. Guess I'll just sit still like solitary rock on floor forev3r

-ppl who set their arena defense team to their weakest units are the Ultimate Team Players and i will vouch as their reference for anyone seeking to hire them

-nice tits, sir. How about you bring em a lil closer so i can clear the 9-turn mission on that lightning team stage

-PPWERBOTTOM POWEBRBUTTONPOWERMBOTTOMPOWERBKTOTOMYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!?!??!?!?!??!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!!????%GIMMEGIMEMMEGIEM

-legit not sure how long this game will keep me in its little claws. It doesn't have the same teehee factor as nuca . And the porn is certainly... serious? Poignant porn??? I can't take the serious seriously u feel me

-[timeskip] and yet here i remain,grind'd to level 58 to uncork the cockblock on ch7

[craziechwiv]

(And now, Popmusic. Seriously, we need more attention this ship, get on it guys.)

Boxten: Thanks for the baking lessons, Cosmo! They've been a big help thus far for me.

Cosmo: No problem Boxten buddy. But uh, while you're here. There's just a small question I've been meaning to ask you...

Boxten: O-Oh? What what's wrong?

Cosmo: Well...b-basically uh, there's been this rumor going around, right?

Boxten: Uh huh?

Cosmo: And well, people just wanna know, if you and-

Sprout: Are you and Poppy dating?!

Boxten: WHA-?!

Cosmo: SPROUT! You'd say I could lead this time...

Sprout: Cosmo, I love you, truly I do bud. But you take too long. I need 'tea' and not that leaf juice Teagan gives you. So, is it true Boxten, yes or no?!

Boxten: U-Uh...

Cosmo: He's stuttering.

Sprout: Could be to hesitate on his answer. Whatever he says first isn't true.

Boxten: ...it is true?

Sprout: ...

Cosmo: ...

S+C: It's true!

Boxten: Wait a minute! Sprout said the first thing I say isn't true though! How do you know I didn't lie?!

Sprout: Cuz one, you're Boxten. You really can't lie unless your life literally depends on it. And two, you wouldn't lie on faking a relationship with your best friend.

Boxten: I feel insulted but also can't argue back because it's sadly true.

Cosmo: Don't be! It's kind of sweet you two are together. I can't imagine a better duo.

Sprout: I can.

Cosmo: Sprout.

Sprout: I said nothing~.

Boxten: Heh, t-thanks guys. That means a lot!

Cosmo: Anytime bud. Maybe now you and Poppy can have double dates with u-us..

Boxten: Oh yeah! That sounds like a...wait did you say me, Poppy, and...you two? WAIT ARE YOU TWO A THING?!

Cosmo: Oh crumbs...

Sprout: Pfft- what a way to let go of our secret, huh Cos?

Cosmo: Sprout...please.

[silver-ace-of-spades]

Silly Mario Incorrect Quotes From The Generator (Oops! All Koopalings (and Jr))

♤◇♧♤

*when a child starts crying in public*

Iggy: *tries to make the child laugh*

Lemmy: *tries to play a game with the child to make them calm down*

Morton: *gives instructions to the parents*

Junior: *cries with the child*

Wendy: *ignores the child*

Ludwig: *is the reason why the child is crying*

●●●

13-year-old Ludwig, when Junior was 4: You say “Please” and “Thank you” in front of Junior all the time, and he never repeats it.

Ludwig: But you call Roy “Ass-faced motherfucker” ONE TIME…

●●●

Larry: But what about Junior?

Ludwig: Don't worry about him.

Ludwig: I once watched him fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating his hotdog like nothing happened.

●●●

Wendy: Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

●●●

Iggy: *nudges Ludwig at 3am* Pretty fucked up that we depict the moon as a girl and the sun as a boy. They're just floating rocks in space. Ludwig? Wake up, Ludwig! Listen! They're sexless!

Ludwig: The sun isn't a rock, go back to sleep.

●●●

Roy: Today, Junior said a swear word, so Ludwig said that he was going to wash Junior's mouth out with soap. Junior replied, “It’s okay, I like the taste of soap”. Turns out, he's been putting soap on his lips to blow bubbles.

●●●

Lemmy: Help! I’m drowning!

Roy: Calm down. We’re only in six feet of water!

Lemmy: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

●●●

Iggy: The greatest trick the devil ever played was getting me banned from an all you can eat pizza buffet.

Ludwig: Why’d you get banned?

Iggy: Touched the rat.

Ludwig: … What rat?

Iggy: Chunky Cheese.

●●●

Junior, jumping out of Ludwig's closet: BOO!

Ludwig:

Junior:

Ludwig:

Junior: *makes a sad face*

Ludwig: Ahh! Oh my god! You scared me!

●●●

Larry: I need a long word.

Morton: T-rex but the long one.

●●●

Larry: Wendy, I’m afraid.

Wendy: Just stay close to Iggy.

Larry: That's why I’m afraid.

●●●

Iggy: Yo dumbass, get over here.

Lemmy: Okay-

Morton: *gleefully runs past* I’m coming!

Lemmy, sadly: I thought... I was dumbass...

●●●

Larry: Iggy isn’t answering my messages.

Lemmy: Allow me.

Larry: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-

Iggy: *replying to message* Hello.

●●●

Roy: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd.

Ludwig: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue.

Roy: Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.

●●●

Iggy: What are your adjectives?

Wendy: …You mean my pronouns?

Iggy: No, I know what your pronouns are! What are your adjectives?

Wendy: …I dunno. What are yours?

Iggy: Noisy and chaotic!

Wendy: I’ve never had something go from making no sense to making complete sense so quickly.

●●●

Morton: Baby vibes... hold gentle... like hamburger.

Roy: Punt like football.

●●●

Iggy: Two truths and a lie, I’ll start!

Iggy: I’ve killed a man, I will kill again, and it burns when I pee.

Ludwig, visibly nervous: I don’t- I don’t like this game.

●●●

Wendy: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out.

Ludwig: Fucking Lemmy and Iggy were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

●●●

Roy or Wendy: I will be using so much pink you’ll be seeing green by the end from sensory deprivation.

●●●

Wendy: Do you guys ever have a civilized conversation that doesn't require insulting each other every time you get a chance?

Larry: No.

Ludwig: No.

Wendy: Didn't think so.

●●●

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.

Iggy, with Morton and Lemmy behind him: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!

Police: Yes…three.

Iggy: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?

Police: Wha-

Iggy: Junior FUCKING FELL OFF!

●●●

Junior, holding out a cookie for Ludwig: Look! This ones a heart, that’s how I feel about you!

Ludwig: *Ugly crying*

Junior, holding out another cookie for Lemmy: This ones like Michigan, that’s how I feel about you!

Lemmy, throwing his hands in the air: What does that mean?!

●●●

Ludwig: So, Lemmy is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.

Roy: Why?

Ludwig: Because I've caught him trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.

Lemmy, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

●●●

Roy: Wait, if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies?

Iggy: Believe it or not, babies and condoms are made of different materials.

Lemmy: It’s like rock paper scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby.

Larry: Rock also defeats baby.

●●●

Junior: I'm very scary.

Roy: You're about as scary as a wet kitten.

Junior: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me.

Roy: And small.

Junior:

Junior: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

●●●

Ludwig, to the rest of the Koopalings: None of you know what propaganda is, do you?

Roy: I think it’s when a British person takes a good look at something.

●●●

Junior: The saying “it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission” no longer applies to Roy.

●●●

Wendy: My diamond earring came off in the ocean and it's gone!

Junior: Wendy, there's people that are dying.

●●●

Morton: When I get Doordash I order 20 Cheeseburgers at a time and heat them up throughout the week so that I don’t have to pay the delivery fee multiple times.

Wendy: I hope you understand how food poisoning works.

Morton: I hope food poisoning understands how I work. I never met a burger I couldn’t eat.

●●●

Iggy, having recently lost his glasses: KILL THE BUG!!!

Larry: ....That’s a gecko—

●●●

Ludwig: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.

Roy: All I drank was Redbull!

Ludwig: How many?

Roy: Eighteen.

●●●

Lemmy: honk.

Ludwig: WHAT.

Lemmy: HONK.

Ludwig: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????

●●●

Morton: *coughs blood*

Iggy: Don't die, Morton!

Morton: Don't tell me what to do!

●●●

Lemmy, skipping rocks on a lake with Iggy: It’s such a beautiful evening.

Iggy: Yeah, it is.

Iggy: *whispering* Take that you fucking lake.

●●●

Ludwig: You shouldn't be using a straw.

Roy: I know, I know, it's bad for the environment and stuff.

Ludwig: Yeah, but I mean... it's a weird way to eat spaghetti.

●●●

Ludwig: Junior, please calm down.

Junior: I asked for two large fries!

Junior: *dumps fries onto table*

Junior: But all they did was give me a MILLION FREAKING LITTLE ONES!

●●●

Junior: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Wendy, used to Junior being dumb: Sure...

Junior: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Wendy: Okay?

Junior: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Wendy:

Junior: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Wendy: Jesus, that one is a little-

Morton, interested: No, no, Junior, keep going.

●●●

Roy: Coca Cola is a health potion, Pepsi is a mana potion.

Larry: What’s grape soda?

Roy: It’s fucking purple baby!!!

●●●

Ludwig: What’s your favorite color?

Roy: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature.

Ludwig: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?

Roy: My favorite color is pink.

●●●

Morton: *makes Junior a cup of tea but accidentally puts salt in it*

Junior: *sips tea*

Morton:

Junior: *finishes tea*

Morton: Didn't it taste bad?

Junior: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.

Morton, tearing up: Oh, okay.

●●●

Roy: I can't believe you've done this.....

Larry: I'm sorry I didn't know-!

Roy, on the verge of tears: YOU CAN'T JUST BUY ME A GIFT OUT OF NOWHERE NOW I FEEL LIKE A HUGE ASSHOLE!

●●●

Ludwig: This is a bad idea.

Lemmy: Then why are you coming along?

Ludwig: Someone has to get your injured ass home.

●●●

Roy, in a horrible German accent: Bill Nye is on break, I'm Bill Nein.

Lemmy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Roy, in the same horrible German accent: Nein!

●●●

Wendy: *Turns on the kitchen light*

Iggy: *Sitting at the table, eating bread*

Wendy: It’s four in the morning.

Iggy: Turn the light back off.

●●●

Iggy: So Junior, how did your first time cooking dinner go?

Junior: Pretty good if I do say so myself.

Iggy: Ooh! Okay, what are we having?

Junior: Alright, so for appetizers, we have a potato.

Iggy: A whole potato?

Junior: Yes. And then for the main course, we have grilled cheese sandwiches!

Iggy: These just look like big slabs of black.

Junior: Because that's what they are!

Junior: And then for desert, we have chocolate.

Iggy: These are just chocolate chips?

Junior: They sure are!

Junior: And then for drinks, we have toast!

Junior: *lifts up a glass of blended toast* Bon appetit!

●●●

Larry: *holding a salt packet* It’s just a little sodium chloride.

Ludwig: Actually Larry, it’s salt.

Larry: That’s what I said, sodium chloride.

Ludwig: Uh Larry, that would be salt.

Ludwig: *takes salt packer from Larry* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.

●●●

Lemmy: I'm having problems with a guy...

Wendy: Like his dead body won't fit into your trunk kind of problems, or you like him kind of problems?

●●●

Ludwig: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.

●●●

Junior: What the frick.

Junior: ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship.

Junior: Who the heck watches jump rope competiti- ooh bouncy.

●●●

Lemmy: Iggy just insisted Morton and I remember a code word in case we’re ever confronted by his clone or a cyborg doppelgänger and we’re not sure which is the real him and which is the imposter.

Lemmy: Some families have a fire escape plan, but not us.

●●●

Wendy: I’m not like other girls. I’m way, way worse.

●●●

Iggy, watching a TV show about Luigi: I think I should be allowed on ghost hunter tv shows.

Larry: I think that would be dangerous for the ghosts.

●●●

Roy: Can I borrow five dollars?

Ludwig: If you’re only borrowing it, does that mean you’ll pay me back?

Roy: Of course.

Roy: Not directly, but with my love and affection.

Ludwig: So that’s a no.

●●●

Junior: BWWAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, you hear that? That's the wrong opinion alarm.

Ludwig: That is not something you actually have installed.

Junior: Sorry, say again? I couldn't hear you over my alarm that YOU SET OFF with your WRONG-ASS OPINION.

●●●

Wendy: What did you two do?

Iggy:

Lemmy:

Wendy: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.

●●●

Ludwig: "Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" - Charles Darwin

Larry: What the fuck? Begets isn't a word. Quit trying to make up words, fuckface.

●●●

Wendy: What's worse than a heartbreak?

Larry : Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging.

Morton: Waking up in the morning.

Roy: Waking up.

Ludwig: Waking up in the morning...

Ludwig: And seeing Iggy.

Iggy: Hey! Rude!!

●●●

Ludwig: What do you all intend on majoring in?

Morton: Respecting women.

Larry: Minecraft.

Wendy: Criminal justice and psychology.

Iggy: I'm terrified that I’ll lock myself into an interest that I’ll no longer be passionate about in a few years like all the other areas of study I’ve pursued over my life!

Lemmy: Minecraft as well.

●●●

Lemmy: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

●●●

Junior, to Bowser: Ludwig called me the b-word!

Ludwig: "Motherfucker" doesn't begin with b.

●●●

Junior: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there’s nothing there?

Roy: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before.

Junior:

Junior: *sobs*

Morton: You fucking scared him, you idiot.

●●●

Ludwig: Have I ever told you that you cook well?

Junior: Awww, no, you haven't!

Ludwig: So why do you keep cooking?

●●●

Roy: We all have our demons.

Iggy, grabbing Lemmy: This one’s mine!

●●●

Wendy: *sighs*

Morton: You bored?

Wendy: Yeah.

Morton: Wanna start drama for no reason?

Wendy: I thought you’d never ask.

●●●

Ludwig: If you ever feel stupid or weak or powerless, just remember that I am not. I am out there, very dangerous, and I am looking for you. Good luck.

●●●

Junior: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why Dad made me get tested.

●●●

Ludwig: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

●●●

Ludwig: “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly, I’m falling asleep already. “Cowards” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, to the point, and dramatic.

●●●

Iggy: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

●●●

Iggy: I’d kill someone if you asked me to.

Lemmy: I’m pretty sure you’d kill someone even if I didn’t ask you to.

●●●

Iggy: "Go hang a salami" backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog".

Ludwig: How did either of those sentences occur naturally for you to discover this?

●●●

Ludwig: Lemmy, if you don't shut up I'm going to throw myself out of the car.

*click*

Ludwig: DID YOU JUST TURN THE FUCKING CHILDRENS' LOCK ON?!

●●●

Roy: *Takes a sip of milk and gags*

Roy: Oh my god, is this expired?

Roy: *Takes another sip of milk*

●●●

Iggy: I'm hot, I’m tall, I'm gay, and I'm on my theatre kid arc.

●●●

Ludwig: Stop thinking whatever you're thinking.

Lemmy: Huh?

Ludwig: You always make that face when you're about to say something stupid just to piss me off. So cut it out-

Lemmy: I love you.

Ludwig:

Lemmy:

Lemmy: Also, cereal qualifies as a soup.

Ludwig: I KNEW IT!!

●●●

Iggy, near tears: Please, Junior, I don’t speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!

●●●

*Lemmy shoots a gun in the lounge room while Ludwig is chilling*

Ludwig: This is why Dad doesn’t FUCKING love you!

*Lemmy runs off while snickering*

●●●

Roy: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘I am very proud of you. Love, Dad’*

Ludwig: Oh yeah. I didn’t think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.’*

●●●

Roy: Ludwig? I mixed redbull with coffee and now I can see sounds, should I worry?

Ludwig: Roy, I swear to god—

●●●

Wendy: I'm gonna nickname my child "Lil Bitch".

Junior: I see you're passing on your name.

●●●

Ludwig: You’re giving me a sticker?

Iggy: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Ludwig: I’m not a preschooler.

Iggy: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Ludwig: I earned this, back off!

●●●

Ludwig, texting: Answer your phone

Larry, texting back: Wait a minute, I can’t find my phone

Ludwig: Understood

Ludwig, 5 minutes later: You’re a terrible person. You know you’re killing me. You’re killing me, Larry.

●●●

*The Koopalings are playing Chess*

Ludwig: *easily beats everyone because he knows how to play*

Iggy: *doesn’t know the rules, but wins anyway*

Lemmy: *doesn’t know the rules, and loses*

Wendy: *knows the rules, but still loses to those who don’t*

Roy and Junior: Actually, you can’t do that, because I said so.

Larry and Morton: They named a board game after cheese?

●●●

Iggy: Inside you, there are two kidneys.

Iggy: I’m gonna steal them.

●●●

Ludwig: When I was your age-

Iggy, mocking Ludwig: When I was your height.

Ludwig:

Ludwig: Listen here you little shit-

●●●

Iggy: Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot.

●●●

Lemmy: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!

Ludwig: Lemmy, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.

Lemmy: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!

Wendy: ...It was a bug.

Lemmy: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!

Ludwig: ...

Wendy: ...

Lemmy: Stop looking at me like that!

●●●

Ludwig: I hate to disagree with you, but-

Larry: Please, you love to disagree with me. Its your favorite thing to do.

●●●

Roy: Are you okay?

Junior, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions.

Roy: *Picks up an onion* What the fuck did you say to Junior?

●●●

Morton (5 years in the future): What are you drinking?

Iggy (now 19): Vodka.

Morton: Straight?

Iggy: No, gay. Why?

●●●

Roy: Valentines Day? I'm ready. *Sprays an entire can of AXE body spray on himself*

●●●

Wendy: You read my diary?

Iggy: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

●●●

Lemmy: I told Junior to grab snacks for everyone.

Ludwig, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?

*Lemmy, Junior, and Larry raise their hands*

●●●

Iggy: Today at 7 am, Roy poured a Monster energy drink in his coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.

Larry: I watched Roy brew his coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think he ascended into the astral realm.

Ludwig: The survivability of Koopas never fails to amaze me.

●●●

Wendy: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??

Iggy: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

Junior: Why were you microwaving a lemon???

Iggy: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.

Larry: Did you burn an orange too? How???

●●●

Iggy: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

●●●

Roy, some time after turning 18: I am a responsible adult!

Larry, now a teenager: *raises brow*

Roy: I am an adult.

Junior: Hey, you wanna know a secret?

Wendy: No.

Junior: Okay.

Wendy:

Wendy: Do you smell smoke?

Junior: The secret is that the house is on fire.

●●●

Roy: Damn, the power went out.

Junior: Don’t worry, I got this.

Junior: *stomps foot*

Roy: What-?

Junior: *Sketchers light up*

●●●

Ludwig: *bites lip* Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?

Cop: That isn’t gonna work, hands behind your back.

●●●

Iggy: *chokes on something*

Morton: Jeez, Iggy, don't die on us.

Iggy: Don't tell me what to do, I'll die whenever the hell I want!

●●●

Larry: Good. Thanks, dad.

Junior: You just called Ludwig “dad”. You just said “thanks, dad.”

Larry: What? No, I didn’t. I said “thanks, man”.

Ludwig: Do you see me as a father figure, Larry?

Larry: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure ‘cause you’re always bothering me.

Wendy: Hey! Show your father some respect!

●●●

Larry: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

●●●

Roy: Guess what number I’m thinking of.

Ludwig: 420?

Roy: No, that’s really immature of you. Someone else guess, and please take this seriously.

Lemmy: 69.

Roy: Yeah it was 69.

●●●

Wendy: What kinds of sounds annoy you?

Iggy: Are we talking real sounds or imaginary ones?

Wendy, now interested: Lets say imaginary.

Iggy: Spiders wearing flip flops.

●●●

*The Koopalings are at Home Depot*

Junior: *Fell in the cacti display while wandering around the garden section*

Iggy: *Shitting in the display toilets*

Morton and Larry: *Tokyo Drifting one of those flatbed carts down the aisles*

Wendy: *Stealing paint chips for aesthetic purposes*

Ludwig: *Just wanted some goddamn lightbulbs and everyone ruined it*

Roy and Lemmy: *In the car sleeping*

●●●

Ludwig, at Bowser's wedding: What the hell were you thinking?

Lemmy: I heard releasing birds at a wedding is romantic!

Ludwig: You released OSTRICHES!

●●●

*at a zoo*

Junior: What are they in for?

Wendy: Junior, this isn't prison.

Junior: So they can leave?

Wendy: No, but-

Junior, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

●●●

Lemmy: iuegrukfhoeuhfeoruhf

Ludwig: What is that?

Lemmy: it’s a keyboard smash

Ludwig: How do I do it?

Lemmy: just press anything

Ludwig: 7

●●●

Junior: Get your hand off my shield!

Wendy: There's like a million other shields.

Junior: Take that one, it has a flower on it. Girls like flowers.

Wendy: *hits Junior with the shield* Oops! Now this one has blood on it.

●●●

Roy: How would you like your coffee?

Junior: As dark as my soul.

Roy: Got it, one cup of milk coming right up!

●●●

Roy: *casually taking four stairs at a time*

Junior, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-

●●●

Wendy: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?

Junior: Put spaghetti in it.

Wendy: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.

Larry: Put spaghetti in it.

Wendy: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.

Roy: Put spaghetti in it.

Wendy: I am no longer taking suggestions.

[clemblog]

Caine’s Lesson - Part 4

•

“Alright Lou, we need to try and find our way out of here. T-This place is gonna collapse eventually-“ Hummed Pomni, wringing her hands together as she tried to figure out what to do.

“Yeah… Where do we go then?” Asked Lou, softly.

“I… I don’t know- Just where ever the road takes us I suppose- Just- Somewhere safe.”

“Definitely somewhere safe- Let’s just figure out a way out of here first-“

“R-Right, right-“

“Do you think you could do that uh falling thing again? You know, how you fell through the ceiling to get to me?”

“U-Uhm… I could try? What about you?”

“Could you pull me with you?”

“I-I could try-“

“That’s all I want you to do, Poms.”

Pomni took a deep breath, staring up at the floor boards where she’d clipped in. She could figure this out. For Lou’s sake. For her new friend.

•

Jax hated to admit it, but things had kinda gone down hill since Pomni had been sent off by Caine.

Ragatha wouldn’t shut up.

Zooble and Gangle had gotten very buddy buddy-

And Kinger was well- Kinger.

“I don’t want to hear your rescue plan, Dollface, you’ve already told me it-“

“But Jax, if you just-“

“Lalalalala-“

“Jax!”

“I don’t know what’s worse, this or listening to Zooble try to get into Gangle’s ribbon-“

“Jax! The digital circus is open to everyone-“

“I know, I know! You don’t have to tell me so-“

“Yeah! So, you can’t just say that about Gangle and Zooble, just because they like each other-“

“Woah, woah, Raggedy Ann, are you implying you think I’m homophobic- I am hurt that you think so low of me~”

“…That wasn’t you being a [——]?”

“No, that was me being an AroAce [——-] and comparing your insane rambles to Ganoobles slowly growing romance arc-“

“…Jax-“

“Anywho, your plan sucks [—-]”

“JAX!”

•

“Caineeeeee?”

“…Yes Bubble?”

“When are you going back to the circus? Aren’t they gonna need a new adventure soon?”

“…The circus can find its own adventures for the moment.”

“Wha- Why? You’re the ring master! They can’t function without you-“

“Pomni’s doing just fine.”

“…Yeah- But that doesn’t mean-“

“So, they don’t need me. Especially when all I do is upset them.”

“You don’t mean to upset them-! You’re a learning AI- You’re just learning-“

“Yet I still upset them.”

“Just tell them-“

“It’s not an excuse Bubble-“

“So apologise then-“

“No.”

“Why not-!?”

“…Because I don’t want too.”

“…Caine?”

“If I apologise, that means I’m wrong. And I can’t be wrong. I’m the all powerful Caine. Ringmaster. God. All knowing AI. So. I won’t. They’ll come grovelling for my return eventually. Even Pomni. I will be the only AI that matters to them all. And I will regain my purpose.”

“…Right..”

Bubble had been friends with Caine for as long as she could remember. But she didn’t feel safe with him right now. The exile of Pomni had lost her, her best friend. So, the next time Caine spaced out, thinking of only he knew what. Bubble slipped away, disappearing to Pomni’s room and curling up on the end of her bed.

Pomni wasn’t here but she could dream she was.

Caine wasn’t acting normal but she could dream he was.

Something was wrong but she could dream that everything was okay.

•

Pomni had seen the insides of items and assets she’d never wanted to see before. But at least now she and Lou were out of the basement. Now it was just time to get out of the kingdoms ruins.

Hopefully without losing Lou to the Fudge Monster…

She was drawn from her thoughts at the feeling of Lou’s trembling hand in her own. She had to be brave. She had to protect her.

Lou was stood mere meters away from the creature that had ruined her kingdom and eaten her citizens. If Pomni was in her position, she’d be frozen in place.

So, she had to be brave. Even if it was hard.

Her name was Poms, and she would be the Saviour of this world.

…For Gummigoo.

“Alright, Lou. F-First, we’re gonna duck over to that building.” Spoke Pomni, softly, looking up to Lou.

“O-Okay Poms.” Nodded Lou, staying close to her side.

The pair were able to successfully get to the next crumbled building. Only a few more to go. It was hard at times. Listening to the booming voice of the fudge monster as the pair did their best to stay quiet and steady their breath.

“Come on Lou. We’re almost their-“

“I don’t know if I can do this Poms-“

“You can!”

“I- don’t know-“

“Please? Come on… You and I both know that so many of your citizens would want to be in your place right now-“

“…”

“Instead their sat in the belly of a beast. Don’t give up… Please? For them?”

“…Alright. Let’s go.”

Pomni ran as fast as she could, eyes set on the gates. …They weren’t really gates anymore- The rubble under her feet quickly turned into the soft supple sweet sand of the world.

Lou was smiling.

She felt safe.

Pomni had helped her.

Pomni had made her feel safe.

And nothing had gone wrong!

“PRINCESS! THERE YOU ARE!”

[——].

Part 5

[bigintorobotsrightnow]

I fw ur HAL 9000 design heavy ; do u purposefully make ur robots twinks or wha t

Yes, I don't mean to alarm anyone when I say this but I am in fact, into robots.