#were it anyone else telling her she can let out her emotions just by themselves it wouldn't be enough

[ashyjingles]

jason grace headcanons

as requested by @sacrifical-lamb-core

ive been known to enjoy some more feral leaning jason grace but this is more of an authoritative take on his personality if you will. feel free to add to or dispute anything i have here!! this is all kind of a jumbled mess of first-come-first-serve deal in my head and i have yet to go through and weed any out

he has problems with authority. not outwardly; in fact, to everyone else, he’s the picture perfect kid who follows all of the rules. but that’s because he’s terrified of what would happen if he stepped out of line. he grew up with lupa, who was incredibly harsh to ensure survival in her pups. and then when he got to the legion, all of the officers were required to uphold the law. jason saw what happened to people who stepped the line, and the results were never pretty. (in son of neptune they mentione tying someone in a bag with weasels and throwing them in the little tiber for fuck’s sake) he grew scared to even TOE the line. 

because of the previous hc, he’s scared of kids. he knows how rambunctious they get, and he knows that if it came down to it, he would have to punish them and follow through on it by necessity. its what all his predecessors did after all. but he doesn't want to harm them. hes always had that soft spot for the new and/or younger kids. so he’s not scared of kids themselves, he’s scared of being the one to give them consequences to their potential actions. he leaves that to someone else with more guts

the previous two leave him with a lot of cognitive dissonance that he never really gets over. he’s an incredibly empathetic person and no matter how much he tries he can never really stop that feeling of regret when he has to punish someone who clearly regrets their actions. but give them an inch and they'll take a mile. he has major problems with dissociation where he removes his sense of self from the scenario and lets his logical processing take over without any emotion. reyna has had to pull him back from it a few too many times.

between the dissociation, magical amnesia, adhd, and constant brain damage, that boy has one of the worst memories youve ever seen

he really likes steak. specifically rare steak. (wolf!jason truther…)

he can see electrical currents! and can. see? wind currents. its more of a knowing the wind currents are there without thinking about them rather than a visual thing though. its how despite his poor eyesight he was an excellent fighter before he got the glasses

jason has really sharp canines! so does thalia! they get it from their mom, who filed her own canines down for a softer appearance and would have done the same to her kids once they were old enough for that type of dental work. 

jason is left handed, but because of military-style training early on it was forcibly trained out of him either because nobody realized he was left-handed or because they looked down on left-handedness for the sake of unanimity in the formations on the field. he just thinks hes naturally ambidextrous

gay. mlm. boy kisser for certain that man does NOT like girls. he treated reyna and piper the exact same despite one of them being his girlfriend (and treated reyna in a way where she thought he might have liked her back) because he treats them both in accordance to his emotions toward them: ie, he likes both platonically, which is why theres no difference. he just cant tell.

he fucking LOVES mint. says brushing his teeth and chugging a cold glass of water makes his mouth feel like being up in the air and 15 thousand feet with the wind in face.

he’s half asian! beryl grace is asian (i usually go with either thai or vietnamese) and usually i just went with wasian but then the show came out and now i go with blasian. or maybe beryl grace is wasian? whatever the case, i always pictured him and thalia as having some sort of asian descent.

hes really good at archery. dont tell anyone its just him controlling the winds though

hes such a dog person oh my god

his eyes light up like circuits/lightning when he uses his powers. specifically his lightning powers. 

jason doesnt have dyslexia but he does have dyscalculia. like, really bad dyscalculia. but he still greatly prefers reading in latin!

jason hated reading for the longest time because they didnt have any books purely for enjoyment on base. in new rome itself they had bookstores with plenty of books. (they were mostly classics because they didnt have too much contact with the rest of the world, but they were more than just military reports or old historic scrolls you needed express permission to even breath on) but when he discovers newer books he finds himself really liking them! though his favourite genre is definitely classics, and when someone breaks the news to him that he couldve had these books the entire time hes devastated

when he was younger he was better at latin than english because most kids who arrive at camp jupiter know english already and theyre well equipped at teaching people latin, but not english. they had to send him to a school off base/in new rome for younger kids to learn some more rudimentary skills

it was under juno’s orders that he lived on base. she wanted him to be as prepared as possible for his future, which meant starting his training bright and early. otherwise he probably would have spent some time in camp jupiter as a normal kid until he could at least, oh i dunno, read and write. tie his shoes. eat with cutlery. take a bath by himself.

if jason had been there long enough without the swap ever happening, when he stepped down from praetor (not for another longggg few years) he would have done law in new rome. 

if post swap jason grace had the opportunity to do law in new rome, he would have pushed for rules regarding kids safety. of course, if another jason case were to happen nobody would have been able to deny a god(dess) but jason was never a normal case, was he?

can you tell i like lawyer!jason

less of a headcanon more of commentary on his character but as strong of a character as he was, camp half blood taught him how to have a back bone. in rome he was incredibly disciplined and had no trouble ordering other people around, but it was always in accordance with new rome’s laws. camp half blood taught him how to abide by his own moral principles rather than ones that someone else gave to him. (after all, new rome was about unity while chb was about individuality.) 

he honestly really likes his work as pontifex maximus. it fulfills his inner desire to be doing the ‘right’ thing by rome’s standards (especially because the title is highly revered) while giving him the room to express his creative desires, which is something that he had never been able to do. its also not at the cost of someone else, which usually ended up happening when he was upholding the law as praetor

this one works in contrast or in tandem with my previous bullet on his sexuality (specifically the comment on how he treated piper and reyna): he knew that reyna had a crush on him. he didnt know why he couldnt feel the same. queer culture wasnt really a thing in the modern world for the time it took place, and i dont imagine new rome was any more progressive. he didnt understand lots of things about his sexuality at the time. he didnt know that not liking girls might have been an option, and that he didnt have to like reyna back. so he tried his best to convince himself into having feelings for her, which led to reyna thinking they were reciprocated. once he met piper, that confusion happened all over again and even without his memories he found himself repeating the process

his favourite is blue like the sky, and ironically his and thalia’s eyes

thalias eyes are slightly darker than jason’s. more grey as well. jason’s are the brightest fucking blue youve ever seen. think the clearest, sunniest day youve ever seen, and it still doesnt hold a candle to his eyes. thalias are more like the sky before a storm.

jason can feel (along with see as given by previous bullet) electrical currents. he could feel someone switching a light switch from half a mile away if he thought about it

hes constantly brimming with static electricity and WILL shock everything he touches. a handshake? you get shocked. he tries to open a car door? literal sparks. as a kid he had to wear electricity resistant gloves because he didnt have a hold on it and it became dangerous because when his emotions are heightened, so are his powers. if he gets angry or excited or sad the air around him smells like ozone, and sometimes you can even see the sparks

cows really like him. straight up adore him. theyre his favourite animal!

he smells like ink, ozone, and something metallic. some people say blood, but hazel says its something like copper or nickel

[badgirlcoven-official]

Shoutout to me and the one other person who actually adores Willow's breakdown in ftf but isn't a huntlow fan

[kngrose]

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒

includes sevika violet jinx

WARNINGS: 18+, stalking, manipulation, implied violence, implied abuse, toxic relationships, NONCON touching, forced proximity, blackmail, mentions of punishments

sevika loneliness induction type

Sevika is fiercely loyal to those she associates herself with, and that’s not just anybody. There must be a substance that directly ties her to the cause. And though she’ll never come clean about what the substance is, if she becomes romantically obsessed with you, that loyalty will turn obsessive. She’s a master of control and patience; she’s very practical. Because she’s so calculated, most of her obsessive tendencies will manifest in quiet, almost unnoticed ways.

Her yandere tendencies wouldn’t involve loud outbursts or tantrums. Instead, she would be silently obsessed, methodically planning her moves and slowly, subtly creating a reality where you feel like you can only depend on her. She wouldn’t express her feelings loudly—rather, her obsession would be reflected in small, quiet gestures that make it clear no one else could ever take her place.

Before you two even "met" she was always around. Keeping track of your every move, watching you from a distance, ensuring no one else got too close. She'd follow you, lurking in the shadows, just to make sure no harm came your way—or to make sure you didn’t get too attached to someone else; romantically or platonically. Every time you’d explained the feeling of being watched to your peers, they’d brush it off. “There is nothing unusual about that,” they would say, “look where we live.” You’d suppose they were right. It would feel more strange if you didn’t feel like you were being followed.

Once Sevika finally makes her presence known, anyone who tries to get close to you, even in a friendly manner, will be met with cold, calculating hostility. She will even go as far as to subtly manipulate situations to isolate you from others, all while maintaining the facade of being the perfect ally. She would pay close attention to who you befriended and considered close before deciding who to pluck from your life. And pluck she would. You’ll start to notice slowly but surely that all of your peers have… disappeared. Which is strange; you guys never got into any trouble– you didn’t have any enemies, there’s literally no one who would be singling you all out. “It's dangerous out here,” she’ll say, “It's dangerous and vile and sick. And they couldn't protect themselves.” And she’ll gaze at you, a strange glint in her eyes, “But don't worry. I’ll never let anything happen to you.”

She will use her intelligence and strength not just to protect you, but to shape your perception of her. Sevika is good at reading people, so she will slowly play with your emotions—gently pushing your boundaries little by little. To the point where you feel; like you can’t deny her. Her touches would start to linger too long, in places that friends don't touch. Her gazes were too intense. She’s embracing you, kissing you– calling you names friends don't call each other. Every interaction would feel charged as if she’s marking you as hers in ways that go beyond friendship.

Constantly grabbing at the fat of your thighs, dangerously close to your ass. She’s pulling you into her lap, fondling– much to your displeasure. You’ll tell her, “No, that’s not normal…” You’ll make it known that you don’t see her that way. Do you? But she’ll just shush you, tell you to “Relax.”And as the line between “friend” and “lover” would start to blur, Sevika would be pulling the last seam tightly. She’s got you exactly where she wants you.

She would be able to mask her jealousy with a calm and controlled demeanor, but beneath the surface, she would be seething. If you paid attention to anyone else, she’d nod along with the conversation, but her eyes would be cold, flicking between you and the others with disdain, watching for an opportunity to intervene or manipulate the situation. She’d never directly show how much it bothers her, but when you’re gone, she’d ensure that others get the message; your affection is not to be shared.

Aside from someone trying to deter your attention, if anyone ever tried to harm you, Sevika would always retaliate. She's not afraid to get her hands dirty, and her methods of dealing with threats would be brutal. For her, a threat is a threat, and she would see nothing wrong with taking extreme measures to handle it as soon as the opportunity presents itself. She’s not stupid, she won't just jump the gun. She values patience, which would call for a slow, painful death.

She would be adept at playing on your emotions, making you feel guilty if you ever question her or try to pull away. She might say things like, “I’ve always been there for you, haven’t I? So why would you doubt me now?” using her history of loyalty and support to bind you closer to her, turning any moment of doubt into something you feel you must make up for.

If Sevika truly believes you are the one for her, she would convince herself—and eventually, you—that you were meant to be together. Again, she is fiercely loyal and expects nothing less from you in return. In her eyes, she is the only person who truly understands and appreciates you, so anything else would be a betrayal. Please do not test her patience with this. If Sevika makes it clear to you that she doesn’t want you around anyone else, for any reason, do not be caught around anyone else.

When you make a mistake, which you will know when you've made a mistake, she will just give you this look. The look. The one where you know she's pissed off by just a glance. You’re in luck if you're in public; she won't act on it just yet. And she won't act as soon as you get home, either. I feel like Sevika would wait it out on purpose. By this I mean; If you ever did something that upset her, she would be deathly silent; quietly brooding around you, imposing her size on you in an intimidating way. And I'm not talking about a few hours or a day. I'm talking weeks. And it drives you mad. You’ll be walking on eggshells around her, terrified by the deafening silence. What is she thinking? What is she going to do? And this is all according to her plan. She wants you to think she forgot about it so that when she does exact punishment, it will take you by complete surprise. It’s a mind game. And that’s the first thing she’ll break.

violet self sabotaging type

Vi is fiercely protective, passionate, and can be concerningly impulsive, so pairing this all with yandere tendencies would bring forth a compelling mix of aggression, loyalty, and possessiveness. Let’s start where the root of the issue is; she is incredibly jealous. Unhealthily so. Vi's jealousy wouldn’t just be passive; it would be aggressive and reactive. If anyone even looked at you in a way she didn’t like, she’d be quick to intervene, usually with a punch or a threatening glare. Her jealousy would make her irrationally angry—if you decided to pay attention to someone else, she might lash out in frustration, even if she tries to keep a calm exterior.

Vi’s flirtation might be laced with possessiveness—playful jabs or teasing that has an undercurrent of "don’t you dare look at anyone else" embedded in it. If someone else tries to show affection toward you, she would be quick to remind them, through a sharp glare or a fist to the face, that you’re already taken—and that she’s not afraid to be a little violent to keep it that way.

She’s naturally protective over those she loves, but with you that protectiveness would take a much darker turn. She wouldn’t just defend you from external threats—she would also isolate you from anyone she perceives as a potential rival or distraction. Acquaintances, or even strangers would be seen as obstacles in her path, and she might resort to physical intimidation or threats to keep them at bay. She’s not shy about this either; In fact, more often than not you’ll find out this information firsthand as a witness.

She’s so nosy, omg. She has to know everything. Who you went out with the other night? Was that everyone who was there? Why were you out so long? Where did you all even go? Are you keeping something from her?

She’ll try to shrug this off as her being protective, but her protective nature would cross into obsession. Again, she’s not shy about this. She’s always standing close enough to overhear your conversations, idly breathing down your shoulder and making you and the other person uncomfortable. She’s always be nearby, ready to step in if she feels something is wrong. If you try to go out alone, she'd insist on accompanying you, always finding excuses to be in your personal space.

To most people, She would still appear to be the strong, caring, and honestly reckless person they know, but beneath the surface, she would have an all-consuming obsession with you. Anyone who saw her with you might think you both have a maybe somewhat overbearing, but affectionate relationship. But in truth, Vi would always be calculating, and slowly taking control of your life to ensure that you could never escape her.

She’ll always find a reason to touch you—putting a hand on your shoulder or wrapping an arm around your waist, all while making it clear that no one else is allowed this kind of closeness. The more possessive she gets, the tighter and more lingering her embraces would be, and she wouldn’t tolerate anyone else getting too close.

Vi would use her knowledge of your emotions to manipulate you into doing what she wants. You’re trying to distance yourself? No worries, she’ll be sure to draw you back in with sweet words and kisses you can taste– that always worked in the past. But if not? She’s angry, she’s confused. Why would you want to leave someone who’s so selfless and always ready to fight for you?

She’s guilt-tripping you, reminding you of all the things she’s done for you, how much she’s fought for you, and how no one else cares about you the way she does. And if that doesn’t work? Have fun pulling her out of whatever hole she’s about to dig herself into out of pure spite. Drinking herself into oblivion? Picking fights with any and everyone? Threatening to off herself, for fucks sake.

And if somehow her threatening to end her life doesn't work? That’s fine; just be prepared to clear up the most malicious rumors about yourself. The ones that make people alienate you. They’re spreading like wildfire, there’s no way you’ll be able to have it under control. At that point, who else can you turn to? You’ll have no choice but to worm your way back into the relationship you so desperately wanted to leave. The one person who didn’t turn on you in your time of despair. She’s stubborn and she’s childish and she knows this. But it won't deter her one bit. It’s only when you’re back under her arm that the rumors dissipate like smoke, leaving as quickly as they came. It’ll dawn on you then, where they originated.

jinx delusional type

Jinx is not afraid to harm you. Whether it be mentally, emotionally, or physically. Please understand that she is not above that. She has real psychological issues, so in this relationship being very careful is very vital. It might cost you your life. She is constantly putting you to the test, she wants to see what decisions you’ll make, and how you’ll react under pressure. She might create situations to see if you’ll abandon her or stand by her. If she perceives any kind of betrayal, even a small one, her obsession will deepen, and she will lash out to remind you of her hold on you.

She’ll do little things like leaving doors unlocked or leaving a key nearby, all the while watching silently from the shadows, anticipating your next moves. She enjoys creating confusion, making you doubt yourself, and feeding your insecurities, all while maintaining a façade of sweetness and care. More than likely you may start feeling like you’re losing your grip on reality, unsure whether her actions are out of love or something darker.

If you still have your freedom, you might catch her following you if you have a sharp enough eye. Whether it's sneaking into your room, watching you from afar, or listening in on your conversations, she’ll make sure she knows everything about your life. And if you seem distant or don't include her in your world, it sends her into a spiral of insecurity and she tries even harder to make you need her.

Her paranoia is a defining trait of her yandere tendencies. If you show any kind of affection or attention toward anyone else, she snaps, jealousy swallowing her whole. This can lead her to lash out, either through harsh words, tantrums, or more drastic actions. In her mind, only she should have your attention and affection.

You always have to watch what you say, constantly trying to pacify the thoughts in her in the hope that you’re not feeding into them. Sometimes you’ll catch her muttering things to herself as she stares off at nothing, intervening when her muttering starts sounding homicidal. You’ve learned not to let her talk to herself too long, or she’ll start getting confused. Once, she grabbed your face with an iron grip, jerking your face to hers. “You don't need anyone else, right Baby?” She smiled softly, scanning your face, though the smile didn’t meet her eyes. You were dumbfounded– you didn't know how to respond. You didn’t know how she would react– she was so unpredictable– “SAY IT!” You violently flinched, sputtering the words back to you. It seemed to pacify her then, as her soft smile returned and she pecked your lips. “Right..” She’d muttered, petting your hair idly.

Her emotions fluctuate rapidly. One moment, she’ll be sweet and charismatic, trying to be the perfect companion. You’ll almost let your guard down. But in the next, she could snap, lashing out in a fit of rage at any given thing. It could be something as little as you glancing away while she’s speaking; her eyes quickly darting to see what or who’s stolen your attention from her. She’ll feel betrayed.

Because she’s so unpredictable, you’ll never be able to create a mental routine of the “punishments” she gives you. You’ll drive yourself mad just thinking about it; how the hell can she possibly be coming up with so many ways of torment? Sensory deprivation, shock collars, pinning little bombs to your clothes– they won't explode but you’ll think they will. It’s all a game to her, once she feels wronged. She’ll do anything to make you feel the way she does inside, even if that means breaking the moral code.

Jinx loves having control over situations, especially where you are concerned. She’ll "accidentally" sabotage plans or relationships that threaten her sense of control. Or at least she’ll call it an accident when you bring it up. She also collects items that remind her of you—photos, scraps of clothing, anything that holds sentimental value. She’ll hide these items in hidden places as Jinx sees them as proof of her connection to you, and she’ll be upset if they go missing.

Part of me thinks Jinx doesn’t have an end goal, or she has too many. Too many different voices, too many different ideas, too many possibilities. What does she want from you exactly? Well, she doesn’t know. Does she love you? She does! Well, at least she thinks she does. Why else could she feel so passionately about you? But in the same instance– why does she want to break you so badly? Why does she have the urge to hurt you? You’ll catch her staring, shooting her a weary glance; she’s muttering to herself again. You wonder what it’s about this time.

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taglist: @opropheticsoul

[wroteclassicaly]

Summary: During your shift you overhear a conversation that kind of sends you spiraling.

Warnings: Language, angst, self-esteem issues, hurt with MAJOR comfort, and protective Steve.

Pairings: Steve Harrington x Female Reader

Wordcount: 1,924

A/N: Just a little something, cause’ I’m on my period and feeling it…

You aren’t acting like your usual self - zero pep in your step, no smiles from anything or for anyone. Steve doesn’t expect that from you all of the time, but he can sense something is majorly wrong. You simply give him a whispered hey as you climb into the beemer’s passenger, buckling your seatbelt and lowering your gaze to the small wallet you’d brought with you today. It’s when he leans across the console, leather creaking under his movements, to kiss you - that he is for surely locked in on something being up with you. You’re pulling yourself away from his lips before they can even touch your cheek.

At the start of your relationship, Steve was always doing checklists, to see if you were unnerved about, even the smallest of things (which never had anything to do with him, half the time, as he found out). He tried to go over what he could’ve done wrong, how he needed to fix that. But as the trust with the new stage of your relationship grew, the romance had cemented itself - Steve felt like he had to do this less and less with you. You were a team - secure and honest.

You, however, are caught into the expanse of your head, strangled by those vines that are always undoing themselves from their silence to torment you. Copious, self-negative, berating thoughts that are meant to tear you apart. You manage to see Steve frown in your peripheral, which makes your lips part in an attempt to start your explanation. He’s more than ready to receive.

“Hey, Harrington. You have a few minutes?”

That same sugary, sickly sweet voice from minutes prior. You and your boyfriend both look in time to see her blond hair lean into the window, arms propped, pink lined lips speaking, bangles accentuated on her thin wrists, and the overpowering scent of her fruity perfume. Your chest burns with the nerve of her, throat watering with unshed tears — your body feeling as if it’s slipped a flight of stairs for everyone to witness, see your smoldering humiliation as it crackles across your chest. Old Steve might be cocky, might even be rude. But your best-friend turned boyfriend - he is no longer that way.

“What’s up? Everything okay?” He’s a little hesitant, his focus coming back onto you. His knee juts from his foot bouncing on the floor, eager to leave her over bearing interjection into your conversation. He’s pissed at her and her friend standing idly nearby, as you begin to shut down what you were about to open up to him about.

Her friend giggles from beside her and you audibly swallow, using your pinky to play with the newest charm Steve had added to your bracelet (a little baseball glove, because you’re always ‘catching his heart’). It’s your tell-tale nervous sign, he’s aware. The girl in the window starts talking again before he can say anything. She shows off neon pink talons for nails, pearly whites grinning at Steve. “I just got these done about a half an hour ago. And something is wrong with my car, so I obviously need to pop the hood, but I don’t want to ruin them. Like, you know what I mean?”

The eye roll that leaves you, all emotions aside, Steve is amused by. He reaches for your hand, and you let him squeeze. “Do you mind, baby? I’ll just pop the hood and they can call someone if it needs something else done.”

This makes you feel a little better, the girl having to hide her displeasure underneath her smile, which turns into a smirk as Steve exits the car and follows them to her convertible. She makes a show in her tight tube top and jean shorts, not getting to the hood immediately. You only imagine what they’re saying to Steve. But you do remember what they’ve just said about you.

“I mean, he picks her up daily and I don’t even think she offers him gas money.”

You’d stopped organizing the front candy counter to lean around and listen in. Steve picks you up everyday, never asking for anything return - even if you always offer. They have to mean you, right? Your breath had started quickening, focus wavering. The rush of burgundy is within your sights as he pulls up storefront, shades on, head tilted back, arm out the window with a cigarette in hand.

“He’s dating her though, so why would she?”

“Please. He needs to be asked if he is. I don’t buy it, at all. I mean, Nancy Wheeler was a goody two shoes, but at least she was pretty. Buckley is a fucking motor mouth, but she’s also okay.”

Former insecurities when you got together. Even as a friend as you crushed on him, these thoughts had plagued you. You were heated, body light.

“He never dated Buckley.”

A deep sigh. “Obviously, but he clung to her like a puppy. He’s downgraded with this one. She’s been hanging on him for years and I don’t know if he warrants it or just tolerates it.”

Don’t make any noise, don’t say a word. You should stop listening, say something. All things that you didn’t do, just kept listening to them dump on you.

“She’s the real reason Harrington struck out all the time. WHO the fuck wants to date someone that allows a loser like that to be attached to their hip non-stop? I mean, is it a kind, charitable thing to do? Sure. But he needs to draw a line between the good and the bad, babe.”

Your dress had felt to tight on your body - one you wore to surprise Steve today. Excited to be with him for the weekend, casting aside conflicting schedules. Your face became dull, heartbeat slowing, eyes glossing over. You swore you could taste the acidic bile of breakfast on your tongue.

“She’s been that ugly two for one special, kills all of his chances by hanging around him. The real reason he struck out so much.”

You turn your back to the conversation, despite still having been able to hear it. No use in trying to block it out, for it had found you in surround sound.

“Didn’t he ask you on a date, Chelsea? And you turned him down?”

She scoffed. “My point exactly. She makes him less appealing. He’s just with her because he thinks that he should be, and because she’s the one that’s around him too much. He peaked in high school, but she’s certainly holding that fine ass of his back. Can you imagine the sex he’s wasting on that?”

You’re so caught up in your momentary memories, that you don’t even see Steve as he piles back into the car, his entire body lax, but his shoulders tense. His face holds a reserved softness for you. His voice, though, that takes on an entirely different undertone of mixed meanings - somewhere between a raging anger and a featherlight craving to provide solace. He’s saying something that takes you a few seconds to catch up with, your blurred vision noticeable. It confirms his suspicions that he’d accumulated by being hit on at the girl’s car.

“They came from your store, didn’t they? What did they say to you?” He sighs, trying to let that show, so that you don’t mistake it for annoyance.

“It’s… nothing. I’m okay.“

“Baby…” The way it’s practically pled, it makes you look at him. You meet concerned, slightly widened, mossy eyes, sun reflected in the enriching pools. His grown out caramel hair is a mess, shades pushed back to sit atop, his sun kissed skin visible through his white Kenny G shirt, along with overgrown chest hair, his chain length bracelet and neck chain (a gift from you for his latest birthday), and his ripped jeans he’d cut to make capri shorts.

He definitely shouldn’t be yours.

You reach to fiddle with the chain, that nervous habit back again. And Steve settles into your touch as it drums across his jugular. He tilts his head to kiss to the side of your fingers when they brush by. You pause to retreat, but he’s swift to take your hand in his, playing with your bracelet this time. How massive he looks in comparison.

You feel a calloused finger brush beneath your chin, bringing it up. His eyes are darting back and forth across your face. “Tell me what they said to you. I know that’s why you’re upset.”

“Were they talking about me?” Immediate humiliation settles in.

He’s quick to correct. “No, no. I just mean that when they started in with the flirting after I opened the hood, I was uncomfortable and I know you were. And I also remember that they did come from the video store, too.”

Your voice breaks and he slides his spare hand to your neck’s nape, bringing your forehead to his as you begin to tell him everything that was said. Safe to say, he’s NOT happy by the time that you’re finished, and he does a double take to look for their car. It’s already gone and he curses. “Shit. That’s fucking bullshit!”

He can’t fathom the process that he went through as you told him each and every single word heard. His tongue is tied, he wants to plead with you to know that it’s not true, that all of those things have NEVER been like that. There’s only one truth. And so, he tries with all his heart to explain it to you.

“God, honey, you have to know that when I’m with you, I don’t see anything else, can’t see anyone else. For years, it’s always just been you. I don’t care about who I was before. The man I am now, he wants his life to be with yours. He’s pretty gone on you, like in a stupid, I’ll almost die for you again, even when you tell me not to - kind of way, and probably more.”

Your heart rate has started speeding up again, caught beneath your breastbone, trying to find your throat, but can’t get through its tightness. You’re openly crying now, to which Steve solves by thumbing away, the bridge of his nose nudging yours, mouth laying his next statement in to cross. “Words, they’re not my strong point, you know that. But I want you to know that I’d learn a fucking dictionary in every single language if it meant I could tell you in better terms, how much you mean to me, how perfect you are, how beautiful, funny, and smart, how sexy, how tough, how loyal, how honest, how creative, how strong, and so much fuckin’ more... How what they said was the farthest thing from the truth, that they’re just jealous, airheaded bimbos.”

You let your palms find his face, the ache in your body causing a prickling in your toes. You’re pliant against his chest as he unbuckles your belt and his, pinching your waist and using his forearm to halfway hoist you middle way over the console to meet his mouth, all the while he’s whispering between every kiss, “I love you. I love you. So fucking much. I love you, honey.”

You don’t have to stop kissing to tell him that you love him back. Steve can feel it in the way that you hold onto him, tears changing, rolling from your cheeks and dripping onto his lips. I love you.

[penkura]

OP Men as Dads Part 2

Note: I chose to do another five OP men for this one!! My brain won't shut off about these men being dads, I'm losing it omg. I hope these are good, I kind of struggled a little but just wrote whatever came to mind. Maybe I can do a part three at some point with more of them! I have a small idea for Mihawk and Franky, but that's it so far. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy! Sticking baby Ace for the image because I got nothing else lol.

Part One Here!

Kid is a boy dad, I’m sorry he just is. I can’t see him with a daughter really, unless she’s the youngest and was a surprise. But anyway! He’d have three boys that were all three years apart, and all are exactly like him. You really do love your sons and husband, but how you wish at least one of your boys was calm. The four of them are always roughhousing to the point you’ve had to set rules to keep from Kid accidentally hurting them, or your children from breaking things when he isn’t involved. When you have a set of twins a few years after your third son, another two boys, you’re done and just accepting your fate as a boy mom. You and Kid love all your boys though, neither of you would change anything, especially when your youngest ends up being a momma’s boy who’s finally calm and would rather spend his time with you than anyone else. Kid isn’t jealous, he swears.

~~

Usopp I can see with two girls! A few years between them, and they’re both the light of his life aside from you of course! Every story he tells them before bed makes them both so excited to grow up and become Pirates themselves, brave women of the sea! The oldest will want to help Usopp and Franky with inventions and fixing up the ship, while the youngest wants to be a sniper like her dad. You have no complaints about either one of those, more than grateful they both want to take after Usopp and following in his footsteps. Your girls absolutely love their dad, you get a little jealous sometimes, but getting to watch the three of them bond is your favorite thing in the world. It might make him a little emotional, especially after not having Yasopp around as he grew up.

~~

Shanks, I’m sure a lot are wondering about, would be such a great dad, we’ve seen him with Luffy and Uta, there’s no way he’d let down his biological kids imo. I see him with a son first, one with his hair that’s even more wild, and then twin girls! They’d all be about four years apart in age, but they’d run him ragged day in and day out. He'd teach your son how to wield a sword and help him develop his Haki, while your daughters will learn more hand to hand combat, though your youngest will join the sword lessons when she’s ready. When they’re little, he lets your girls put pins and braids in his hair, while telling all three of them stories about his time on the sea. The rest of the crew adores your children, Shanks knew they’d all be great uncles to your little ones.

~~

SHACHI WOULD SUCH A GOOD DAD OMG. You think I’m pushing Penguin propaganda, I’m here for Shachi now too. He’ll have two boys within two years of each other, yes the second is a surprise but so beyond welcomed, and then several years later a little girl that has all three of them wrapped around her finger! Your daughter would have his red hair, she’d just be the prettiest little thing, with chubby cheeks and her hair pulled back into two little ponytails. Your sons would have a mix between your hair and Shachi’s, both taking more after their dad in personality than anything. Of course, Shachi will teach all three of them to defend themselves, but especially your daughter since she’s the baby and he just wants her to be safe, even with her big brothers as her guardians.

~~

Rosinante, Corazon, however we wish to call him, he would be the best dad out of this group, I’m sure of it. Apart from taking in Law, he’d have two of his own children, a girl first and then a boy a couple years later. Law would act as a big brother to the two, it’d be the cutest thing ever. While your daughter would be outgoing and ready to take on the world, your son would much shier and would rather hide himself behind you or Corazon, normally his dad though. Corazon would NOT let Doflamingo around them; he’d probably keep the three of you a secret, maybe even his adoption of Law too, just to keep you all safe. He’s lost family before, he doesn’t want it to happen again, even if that means picking up and moving you all where his brother can’t find you. Apart from that, Corazon would make sure all of you had everything you needed, and your son would hold onto him through everything.  Your daughter would attach more to Law, but that’s perfectly fine, he’s accepted her as his new little sister and wants to protect her, he wants to protect your son too where he can. Your daughter would also want to keep her baby brother safe, not one of you would let a thing happen to a hair on his head. Corazon finally has a family again, a family of his own, he’s not letting anything happen to any of you anytime soon.

[sharonccrter]

I saw this really interesting video, which talked about my two biggest gripes with challengers' discourse. Which are that everyone keeps saying Art is the heart of this movie, and secondly, the insistence that Patrick doesn't love Tashi, only Art. The creator pushes back against these two narratives, and I wholeheartedly agree. Patrick is arguably the heart of this movie.

Two of the most important scenes in the movie are the churro scene and the scene between p/t out in the storm, and they both centre around Patrick.

The entire movie is about passion and purpose in life, and Patrick is the passion.

I mean, a lot of people assume Patrick didn't really have feelings for Tashi, but the only person who says that is Art. Who is vying for Tashi and is his biggest competitor. The reason I empathise with Patrick is that he is genuine and loving to Art; he does love him. However, we are shown no evidence to suggest that Patrick is this shitty boyfriend, apart from what Art says when he's trying to get into Tashi's head because his jealous. We find out that they're talking every week while he's on tour (normal relationship shit). It's Art who insinuates that Patrick is cheating while on tour. The only person in this movie who says Patrick doesn't love Tashi is Art, and it's obviously very intentional.

I think the reason both Tashi and Art push Patrick out of their lives is because he forces them to comfort parts of themselves they are not yet comfortable with. I mean, it's obvious why Tashi would react that way to Patrick; she's just lost the most important thing in her life. However, I think it's tragic from Patrick's point of view as well. I mean, what did Patrick really do? He got into a fight with his girlfriend because she hurt his feelings.

And no, he's hurt was not about Art. The fight made him feel unimportant, which made him feel like she didn't actually care about him. And that's where Art comes in, because who was going around telling Patrick Tashi didn't give a shit? You bet ya. Art. Art absolutely got into his head. And even if he clocked it, in that moment, he still allowed it to get to him because he was emotional and upset. And because he was too hurt to support her, he was thrown out of Tashi and Art's lives.

And here's the thing, Patrick never saw Tashi as an idea. He saw her as a real person, unlike Art kinda did. Patrick wasn't going to let Tashi treat him like shit just because she was special. And, tbh, if Tashi hadn't gotten injured, I think it's something she would have eventually been grateful for. But instead, she got hurt; she pushed Patrick away, and Art slid into his place, telling her that she could be his entire world and the star. That's not healthy, and sorry to stay a little manipulative.

And let's talk about Art. Patrick and him were literally fire and ice. They always had this underlying desire. They were perfect opposites. Let's face it: Art could never replicate what he had on the court (and off) with anyone else. But instead of confronting his feelings, he took the first chance he had to get Patrick out of his life.

The girl I was watching said it perfectly, "Art and Tashi allowed themselves to find consolation prizes in each other and allowed them to run from parts of themselves they didn't want to comfort and in turn enable each other's worst habits."

Art tries to become a tennis superstar so Tashi can live through him, and Tashi gives him a family so he can finally be confident in who he is. But is there any passion? I don't know; I think at some point, it drained; nothing about what I saw on screen apart from their initial get-together screams passion.

Cue Patrick walking back into their life and showing them how they can feel. Art was always going to let Tashi live through him, but that was never going to be satisfying for her. Tashi needs to find a way to create an identity for herself, separate from him. And I believe it'll be the only way she'll live a satisfying life. That's why they need Patrick: to make them realise that and to help them rediscover their passion.

I think people think that Art is the heart because Patrick admits to being a piece of shit. But the truth is, they're all dicks; Patrick was just the only one who was willing to admit it.

[k0juki]

Hiii!!

Could you please do a one-shot with jealous! Kimi? Maybe during an interview, he's already had enough and wants to leave, but after seeing a journalist or somebody else trying to flirt with his gf (they both agreed to keep their relationship private), he loses it and once he goes up to her after telling that guy to get lost, he physically relaxes and basically melts to her touch...forgetting that they were surrounded by cameras that had just recorded every second of the exchange.

I'd like to imagine how the other drivers and the fans in general would react to that :))

Thanxx <3

Yur!!!🧊 Sorry it took me too so long...school is pain.

His girl

Kimi Räikkönen x fem!reader

English is not my first language so feel free to point out any mistakes or errors!

More stuff here!

Words: 573

---

It wasn't strange to see Kimi annoyed. Most people that worked with him knew how he could get and this was no different. But what annoys him the most are only two things. 

Firstly, not winning the race and media being dick about it and secondly, when anyone flirts with his girl. Of course nobody knows that you are together, but still, it makes his Finnish blood boil.

And let's just say that today wasn't his best day at all. Not only he fucked up the rece, but as the interview progressed, Kimi patience wore thinner with each passing question. He'd had enough of the same inquiries, the same stupid questions and the same attempts to extract emotions from him that he preferred to keep hidden. Yet, he maintained his ice cool demeanor, answering tersely but efficiently. 

However, his face cracked when he caught a glimpse of someone leaning a bit too close to his girlfriend, Y/n, who was standing just a few feet away, watching the interview with a supportive smile that he loves. She is his safe place. When something happens, he knows that he can go to her. To make him feel loved. 

And when he heard the journalist's flirtatious tone and lingering gaze he held on her, made Kimi's blood boil beneath his calm exterior. In a rare moment of unfiltered emotion, Kimi abruptly ended the interview, muttering something about needing a break and with determined strides, he made his way over to Y/n, who looked surprised at his sudden approach. 

"Hey, is everything okay?" she asked, concern evident in her voice, but Kimi ignored her question and pulled her into his arms possessively, caging her in and casting a sharp glare at the journalist who had dared to encroach on his territory. His girl.

"Get lost" he growled, the words were laced with a dangerous edge and it almost sounded like a threat. Once the unwanted intruder had retreated, Kimi felt a wave of relief wash over him. His tense muscles gradually relaxed as he buried his face in Y/n's hair, inhaling her familiar scent that he loves so much. 

The anger started to melt away and was replaced by a sense of calm and contentment that only she could bring him. Unbeknownst to Kimi, their intimate moment had been captured by the surrounding cameras, broadcasting his uncharacteristic display of jealousy to the world. 

Among the other drivers, reactions varied. Some were surprised, having never seen this side of Kimi before, while others like Sebastian just gave a knowing look, he understood the depth of Kimi's feelings for Y/n. As for the fans, social media and everyone else erupted with speculation and commentary. 

"I think everyone knows that we are together now." You murmured against him. His strong arms still wrapped around you.

"Yeah, but at least they won't be flirting with you before my eyes."

---

In the days that followed, Kimi and Y/n found themselves surrounded by an outpouring of support and affection from fans, friends, and fellow drivers. Despite initially feeling exposed by the public display of their relationship, they soon realized that it had only brought them closer together. 

As they retreated to the quiet sanctuary of their home, Kimi and Y/n reveled in the simple joys of each other's company. They shared laughter, tender moments and whispered words of love that were meant for each other's ears alone. 

---

Requests are open!

Don't copy or translate my work! Also the picture is not mine! Credit goes to owner!

[adventuringblind]

Breathe For Me

LandOscar x Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Dialouge: "It's okay, you can rest. We've got you. Just Breathe."

Summary: Marks on your soulmates skin appear on yours. Oscar and Lando hope they find whoever it is before they run out of time.

Warnings: SELF-HARM, Alcohol, scars, blood, panic attacks,

Notes: This is Part of my 1000 follower event. Feel free to click the link and throw me a request!

Masterlist

It's not every day you meet your soulmate. It's certainly not rare, but it also isn't an everyday event and is supposed to only happen once. If you're Lando Norris, then you get to go through it twice.

Originally he thought only one. I mean, maybe his souldmate is just clumsy. That is not the case however, because Lando has more scars, cuts, bumps, and bruises then anyone else he knows. He would be fine with it if he wasn't on national television all the time.

Max and Charles were lucky and found each other in Karting. Max had a bruise on his face from his dad and showed up to the race with it still getting darker. Charles had one to match. Now they're happily in love and the public doesn't now (is what they tell themselves).

So Lando finds himself stuck in between a soulmate who bruises every occasionally and on who gets scrapes nearly every day. He feels for whoever the first is because Lando is clumsy and is always running into things. Between himself and whoever the latter is, he probably is already exasperated.

Aside from his family, Carlos is the first person to notice. He double checks nothing is happening in Lando's own life that is causing all the marks. He assures happily that he's clumsy and the two soul mates certainly don't help.

Lando has heard of people carving names and addresses into their arms to find their destined partner. He lets it happen naturally. It's supposed destiny and who is he to rush it?

Daniel admits to an extreme worry of Lando. The older driver kept a close eye on him and Lando has to reassure him non-stop that he's clumsy, but it's not that bad.

He soon realizes that it's not the bruises Daniel is worried about, it's the scars. When his sweatshirt sleeves roll up the red lines are visible. It's something he's gotten used to over the past couple of years, but he dosen't think about it when he's not being filmed.

They cover a good amount of space on his body. Biceps, collarbone, thighs, stomach, and shins. It wasn't that bad until 2021 when it got significantly worse. It's stressing him out if he's being honest with himself.

He's is pieces when Daniel tells him he's losing his seat. No other driver lined up yet. Another teammate gone.

Daniel reassures him that Oscar looks like he'll make a good teammate. Lando is skeptical. Oscar is younger and a rookie.

The first time he meets Oscar is at the MTC. They shake hands, two sets of sleeves role up and Lando can't help but stare.

They match. Their wrists are completely identical.

They don't talk about it until a while later after spending the off season getting to know each other. They determined in Febuary they would be really close friends. It obviously escalated and now Charlotte keeps tell him to make it less obvious.

He's nit afraid to say he's weak for Oscar. A calm in his storm of emotions. The one person who can get him to actually rationalize his anxious thoughts.

In 2023, three rookies came to the grid. One of them being a female driver for alphatauri and a good friend of Oscar's. She then consequently became a friend of Lando's.

Which would be so terrible if Lando didn't know for a fact she's hiding something. She's shy and closed off to everybody unless it's him or Oscar. Mostly because he's forced his way under her skin.

"There is something about her, Osc. I can feel it in my bones."

"Are you sure it's not the cup of milk you downed getting to your head?"

"Rude!"

Oddly enough, it's max who approaches them about her later. He'd gotten to know her through media things and race weekends and often asked Lando about her or vice versa.

He pulls Oscar and him aside early one morning in the paddock. Oscar is still half asleep and Lando doesn't know what's happened until Max slides their sleeves up.

The ones they decided to wear to the cameras didn't pick up the fresh scar close to their elbow on their forearms. Completely identical to each other.

"You said you have another soulmate right?"

"Yes?"

"I think I might know who it is."

This is how Lando and Oscar find themselves in front of her hotel room door after the race. A DNF that wasn't her fault had ended her race early. Max had been about to go get her himself, but Lando and Oscar had said they would. If Max is right then they have a higher chance of getting through to the female driver.

Max sent them with the key card he has to her room. The one he forced her to give after he found her last night with a blade in her hand.

They knock out of curtosey first. No answer, as expected, but at least they tried. Maybe She’s asleep? Lando knows that’s probably not the case but he really doesn’t want to and see what is most likely happening. If the sting on his thigh says anything, it’s definitely not sleep.

Oscar keys the door open and hesitantly steps inside. Lando follows right on his heels. The lights are off and he would probably think it was empty if it weren’t for the visible blob of blankets in the corner that’s sobbing violently. to close to hyperventilation for Lando’s liking. He takes immediate action and pulls her out of the blankets.

Immediately, he keeps her body from curling in on itself so her chest is open and can get air easier. Oscar manages to find a lamp switch. She’s a wreck. So incredibly broken that Lando doesn’t know where to start.

“Breathe.” Is all he can come up with. "It's okay, you can rest. We've got you. Just Breathe."

Somehow he coax’s her to sleep. Him and Oscar combined manage to get her to bed, wrestle her shoes off, and bandage what they could see without removing clothing.

Oscar practically forces Lando into the be with her and he takes the floor. He’d said he’d take the floor with him, but Oscar claimed that Lando is the lighter sleeper and would know if she moved at all. Curse his soulmate and his logical thinking.

She manages to sleep until five in the morning. This time she just cries and huddles closer into Lando.

“I’m sorry you have to see me in such a state… I didn’t know you were stopping by.”

Lando maneuvers then int a sitting position. He then takes a pillow and throw it at his lover on the floor. Oscar stirs and groans.

“Must you.”

“Yes, It’s funny.”

Oscar makes his way up onto the bed and looks immediately like he’s going to fall asleep. Lando consequently throws another pillow at him.

“You should know something…” Lando starts. He doesn’t finish because the word are not doing what he needs them to. They jumble on his head and he can’t figure out where to start.

He’s entirely to grateful for Oscars presence. “Max thinks that the three of us are soulmates.”

Lando was thinking it would be like the first. Realization followed by smiles and laughs. This is not that. Instead it’s panic. She defends into the depths of her mind as she studies the match scars, even revealing her own identical one.

The pain, embarrassment and shame are written all over her features. She’s mumbling through some kind of an apology.

“Breathe.” He repeats. He says it over and over again until it’s all her own mind can hear.

Oscar looks gutted and lost. He’d helped Lando through many panic attacks, but this is completely different.

“I didn’t think I would ever find you. The doctors had tried to cut me off because it was a mistake since there were two. They said I wasn’t supposed to have one.”

Are the two boys shocked? A tad. Why would a doctor do that?

Lando doesn’t get time to ask as she pulls out a bottle of medication from the drawer in the nightstand. It’s stuff he’s heard of, but never actually seen. “This has been suppressed to sever the connection, but it hasn’t worked. They said to take it in higher doses at smaller intervals until it stops.”

She pops open the lid and pours a couple into her hands. Thank goodness for quick reflexes because Lando goes to get the ones in her hands, and Oscar goes for the bottle. She's too focused on Lando to notice the Aussie who manages to swipe it from her.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Didn't feel relevant."

"But this is incredibly dangerous! I've heard most people who do it end up -" Oh. It dawns on him why she's doing this to herself. The connection between them was already rough for her. She had been trying to 'fix' it like her doctors said. Had been told her entire life that the people who are fated to lover her unconditionally won't because she is nothing to them.

"How long have you been taking the meds?" Oscar's voice is so careful. The Brit would love to swoon, but it feels impolite at the moment.

"Years. They've tried everything. Put me on different kinds and change the dosage."

"Thirteen?" Lando whisper asks. His voice was barely audible. The small nod from the female confirms it. That's when the first scars arrived.

Lando places his hands on either side of her teary face. "You are not a mistake. You have never been a mistake. We've been aching for you. Scared maybe one day there wouldn't be any more marks and the implications of it. I've wanted nothing more than to tell you for years that you are loved and wanted."

He didn't even notice his own tears. Everything is just so overwhelming at the moment. They came so unexpectedly that it almost startled him. Screw Oscar and his ability to be amazing emotional support. The hand on Lando's knee is the only thing keeping him grounded.

They don't let her go until Max comes to get her. She's flying to do some filming with him. Neither of the males want to let her go, so they don’t. They end up flying with her since McLaren hasn’t filled their schedules.

But then they don’t leave. They spend every moment possible reminding her she is loved. That they want her. That nothing between them is a mistake.

Soon the scars start to fade.

But have no fear, Lando is clumsy enough to make up for it.

[leupagus]

On Taash

I think one reason people keep pretending that Taash's character is badly-written is because they remind them of what they were like as a young adult: blunt, convinced that they were always right (and everyone else was stupid), and flailing around for an identity that didn't hurt. That often makes for an unpleasant person to be around, and someone who at times is even unlikable. But we never see the beam in our own eye while discussing the splinter in someone else's, so I think there's a certain degree of "well I certainly wouldn't yell at my mom like that!" (You would, honey. You would.)

IMO, Taash is one of the best-written companions in Veilguard precisely because they are thoughtless and callous and blow up at people for no reason at times. They're trying to figure their shit out! They got voluntold to work with the Veilguard without any warning, under a leader who's a complete stranger and alongside people she's never met and often has fundamental conflicts with. They've got an extraordinarily complicated relationship with their mom, who gave up her entire life and culture and place in the world out of love for them, but who withholds approval in a way that so many of us can relate to. They're confronting the wrongness of their old gender expression (woman), then embracing a new one (nonbinary) almost as soon as they learn about it—which is how a LOT of identity works, remember? Remember learning the term "trans" or "bisexual" or "genderfluid" and thinking oh shit that's me? It's relatable, but it's still uncomfortable as hell. Considering all that Taash has on their plate, including hiding a fundamental aspect of who they are (their dragonbreath), it's a wonder they're as stable as they are.

As for the conversations about their identity that people are claiming are "cringe" or "unrealistic"—my babies, I have listened to more people talk through their gender and sexuality journeys than you've had hot dinners, and let me tell you they often sound a LOT like Taash. That's not a bad thing! But it's like learning a new language—or heck, joining a new fandom—where you use the unfamiliar terms in clumsy ways and want to talk about it all the time, even to people who aren't fluent. (Taash talks about other shit too; yes, a lot of their quests touch on their gender, but a lot of them don't and frankly expecting someone who's only just figured themselves out to not talk about it is...kind of cruel. Of course Taash isn't a real person, but man I hope you people complaining about how often you have to "deal with" Taash's gender conversations don't have any friends who have trusted you with those conversations.)

Taash is extraordinary in so many ways—the way they talk to Spite directly like a kid who needs firm boundaries; the possible romance they have with [spoiler]; the nuanced and emotional way they talk about dragons; the way they care for birds and refugees and anyone else in their orbit, if they're allowed to. They are one of my favorite companions (although right now it's kind of a seven-way race between all of them), and I have snort-laughed at more of their lines than any other companion by a country mile.

It's just a shame that so many people saw a reflection of the more grating parts of their own personality and so decided that Taash is badly-written, instead of considering the possibility that they are simply badly-heard.

[jxsterr]

right i might be insane for this but something about zelink makes me feel like the usual acts of romantic affection are something a thousand times more meaningful and deep between them than those acts are normally. there’s something Religious about these two, like just a simple peck on the cheek is nice for the average couple but for them it’s something so much more. in fairness they are quite literally divine, zelda is the descendant of The goddess and link has the ungodly amount of strength and unwavering resolve to save the world a million times over. there’s nothing average about these two and it drives me insane

like yes they deserve just to be normal people after everything but i don’t think they ever will be, or at least not to each other. zelda might as well be her own goddess at this point, you’re telling me link isn’t going to look at her like she’s ethereal?? like she isn’t the sunshine that basks him in warmth every morning?? you’re also not gonna tell me that zelda wouldn’t have him on a pedestal of her own, like he isn’t her hero, like he hasn’t given his all and sacrificed everything just to save her countless times?? like his whole being doesn’t revolve around her, even when she’s expressed that he can do whatever he wants several times and yet he keeps coming back to her???

plus, there’s no way that all of the yearning that they would’ve had to go through pre calamity wouldn’t have them stuck in Forever Appreciative mode. we already know the link and zelda we see in the castle is Nothing like the link and zelda we see out in the world, exploring and having even the smallest amount of freedom in a world so restrictive. so just imagine all of the built up tension, maybe they released small amounts of it in their moments together outside of the castle but i don’t even think they’d have time to focus on one another when they were both so duty focused. zelda spent the entire pre calamity in a near constant state of anxiety over her powers, the most i could imagine them allowing themselves are hugs in moments of mental anguish, when they needed that love and support they couldn’t get from anyone else, when they were the only two who could understand the pressure they were under. just something to show they weren’t alone in this. then to reunite a century later without any restrictions, that first kiss would’ve been out of relief that they could finally focus on something else and that all that time of wishing for something more could finally come true

so then when zelda inevitably gets snatched up again and link has to go bumbling all over hyrule for her and he finally gets her back, there’s no way that every act of affection after that Isn’t done as if they could lose each other at any moment again. that every kiss isn’t slow and thoughtful and full of emotion just in case it’s their last. that every touch of zelda’s hand against his face isn’t something that whispers i love you i love you i love you. that every quiet touch they exchange isn’t a silent apology for what the other has had to endure just so they could be reunited again. it feels like link and zelda are the only couple who are immune to complacency because fate hasn’t been kind enough to let them get comfortable with the idea that they’re not going anywhere

to me it feels like their affection is something sacred, something special and something that they both cherish. their affection speaks for them when words are useless because fate has put them in such unique situations that nobody else could ever understand them as deeply as they do. everything they do is tender and calculated and full of love because god forbid they take a single moment for granted and GOD.

i’m currently writing something that i hope can portray my feelings about zelink affection because it feels like it is going to burst out of my chest……… or maybe that’s just the autism who knows

[deathmetalunicorn1]

I’ve seen artwork of Eri dressing as erasure head and Miro. Can you write reactions for each of the Straw Hats, White beard, Shanks, Mihawk, Ryleigh Etc.

-A sense of dread washed over the vast seas, like something dangerous was about to happen, putting many on edge as they tried to find the source of it.

-The answer came in letters delivered to different individuals around the world, the letters themselves seemed to have the aura of death around them, which made several scared to open them, that is until they saw who they were from.

-Garp was your first victim of your newest activity, playing dress up, and he opened the envelope to find a letter from you, telling you that you missed him, along with a crayon drawing, but when a photo fluttered out, landing on the ground…

-Coby and Sengoku were the one to find Garp unresponsive, crying out to him, thinking he was dead before they noticed the photo in his hand, taking it before Coby fell back, clutching his chest, seeing it was a photo of you, dressed up like Garp, like a marine.

-Sengoku couldn’t help but chuckle softly, realizing how ‘dangerous’ you actually were.

-Your next victim was Perona, as the photo of you dressed as Mihawk made her melt with cuteness, gushing on how adorable you were. Mihawk was a bit calmer, but he was gushing just as much inside, unable to handle your cuteness before he smiled almost evilly, “I wonder if Red Hair got one?”

-Benn was exasperated as Shanks was on his side, a puddle of tears surrounding him as he was babbling, unable to form a single coherent word, ugly crying. Your photo reminded him of when he was younger on Roger’s crew, wearing Luffy’s hat and you were wearing a huge smile on your face.

-Whitebeard was admitted to the clinic with heart related issues, overwhelmed with cuteness, after seeing you dressed as him, wearing his giant cloak, as he recognized the surrounding area from when you were in Wano.

-Whitebeard got your photo enlarged and framed, putting it up in the galley so everyone could behold your unbearable cuteness.

-Law didn’t let anyone see the letter or the photo, because the moment he took a peek at the photo, he sprinted to his room so nobody would see him gushing, seeing you with one of Zoro’s swords over your shoulder and hugging a giant polar bear plush.

-Zeff was much like Whitebeard, enlarging your photograph, wearing a little chef outfit and hat, with your hair braided in front of your face, mimicking his mustache, he was proud while the other cooks were all dying from cuteness.

-The Straw Hats were all dying, seeing you dressed up like the each of them, holding, or trying to hold Zoro’s three swords and Usopp’s slingshot, wearing Chopper’s hat and holding cotton candy, wearing one of Sanji’s suit jackets, holding a lollipop in the kitchen, wearing one of Franky’s Hawaiian shirts doing his Super pose, wearing Luffy and Ace’s hats, wearing a child’s sized version of Jinbei’s yukata, holding Brooke’s violin, holding a map in Nami’s grove- each one of them were overwhelmed with emotions, finding you so adorable.\

-Robin was happy to do this, when you came to her, wanting to play dress up, as she got to make a photo album of all your adorable photos.

-You were clever however, as you got to surprise everyone else, as you enlisted Nami’s help with taking a photo of you wearing Robin’s cowboy hat and a pair of glasses, holding one of her books.

-When Robin came into your shared bedroom to put the last photo in the book, she was surprised to see her photo for you sitting on her desk, waiting for her. Tears welled in her eyes as she smiled, overwhelmed with joy that you thought of her as well.

[ben-talks-art]

Okay... This episode of Digital Circus almost made me cry... almost!

When I saw the first episode of this show I knew I was going to really like it, but I wasn't prepared for how much I was going to love it. This reminds me of when X-Men 97 premiered and even though we were only two episodes in I could already tell this was going to be something special.

I know it's super, super early to say this, but this might become one of my favorite shows. The way they handled this episode really worked for me in a way I haven't felt in a while.

From the very first scene things already start on a really strong note, with our main lead, Pomni, having nightmares about the worst-case scenario from the new situation she's in where she imagines herself being affected by the circus glitch and being abandoned by the rest of the cast.

This does a great job setting up her sense of isolation and how she thinks she's on her own even though they all should be on the same boat together.

This gets highlighted even more as another member of the circus, Ragatha, is seen constantly trying to show her support and getting Pomni to cheer up despite the dreadful situation they're in while Pomni herself just acts indifferent as if she had already given up on everything and everyone.

I found this characterization of hers so relatable because I also used to think for a while that my problems were mine and mine alone and that everyone trying to help me were doing that just out of obligation and not because they really cared.

For some reason it felt "safer" to just assume I couldn't count on anyone because then I wouldn't have to worry about being disappointed in anyone, after all, you can't get disappointed if you don't get your hopes up.

So imagine how hyped I got when I saw that they indirectly made Pomni realize why it's important to rely on people when they switched the roles and placed her on the position where she needed to be there for someone.

I wanted to jump and slam my desk while shouting "Perfect! Perfect! This is just perfect!!"

Everything that needed to be said was being said just in the right way, just at the right time, and with the right amount of emotion, just the right amount of seriousness and levity.

Cause here's the thing, the media often has this obnoxious tendency of portraying antisocial characters as people that need to just "Get over it."

A lot of writers enjoy lumping grumpy characters, and reserved characters, depressed characters, angry characters and all these stuff as people who just need someone to cheer them up and have them forget about their problems, as if they were babies that just need to grow up and learn to be less grumpy so they can join in with the fun alongside everyone else.

You notice that it's always a person in a bad mood + someone who's always cheerful, happy, and with a child-like joyful attitude to be their contrast or someone to call them out on their "grumpyness."

And that always bothers me because it makes it seem like they're downplaying someone's struggle or inner turmoil as if they were minor things that they latch onto to just because nobody has told them to let it go yet.

I like when stories showcase why people struggle so much to let go of this mindset, why they struggle to open up to others and find themselves cheering to their day-to-day lives again.

But I'm also aware that this is not an easy task cause it's basically asking to show someone being depressed for a good portion of your story, and if that goes on for too long or it starts diving into a too heavy of a territory, it can make it a challenge just to watch.

So yeah, I get it, it's hard to find the right balance.

To show why someone needs to overcome their personal demons, while also making it an enjoyable experience to go through.

You don't want a case like Legend Of Korra where Lin Beifong's issues were pretty much treated as a joke, but you also don't want something like the Beast Boy segments from Young Justice where every scene with him just felt the same thing for 5 or 6 episodes, even though they were realistic scenes depicting someone going through what he was dealing with and they all built up to an amazing conclusion with Black Canary... But it was still draining to go through that.

You need to find the right balance and I felt like this episode really succeeded in that. You get why Pomni feels the way she does and you get why Ragatha tries so hard to help her out and why it's important that she keeps trying even when it seems like there is no point.

I really like how Ragtha isn't just "Cheer up, Pomni! Let me show you the secret to enjoying life!", she's actually trying to be sensitive of her situation, giving her the space and time she needs, and being there for her but not forcing herself on her.

She validates Pomni's pain but also knows it's a pain that she needs to learn how to deal with, otherwise, she's just gonna miss out on her own life.

The final scene was the thing that really got me.

When Pomni finally realized that the same way she tried to help out that NPC when they were stuck, she also needs to let others help her out.

It took me so long to realize in life that I don't need to deal with everything on my own, that I had people there for me, that I'm allowed to be vulnerable and make mistakes and that the people around me who love and care about me would still be there for me.

It took way, way too long for me to realize all that, so to see that final shot of Pomni imagining herself falling just like in her dream, but this time she had trust that her friends would be there to catch her, it really hit me good.

I'm not sure how to explain it but for some reason I was really proud of her for learning such an important lesson so quickly that it took me so long to learn myself. Like, I know she's not real, she's a fictional character, but I felt an immense relief while thinking people would watch this, and learn from this, and not make the same mistakes I did.

I have no idea where this show is going, but I feel like I'm in safe hands and can't wait to see what else they're going to do and where they're going to go.

I'm very very hyped for this series!

Also, I know this makes me a monster, but this scene made me laugh. :)

[nerdanel01]

Rook Questionaire - Agnes Gallatus

tagged by @eavangeek, thank you!

Under the cut due to length! Tagging @ass-deep-in-demons @nostalgiaclown @starfleetteddybear @racheloleo @the-grand-gemini @truebluedreamer @jusbeinkt @blindvogel @erikonil @hmserebusadjacent (no pressure!) in case you want to join + play :) (also anyone else who sees this should also feel free to join in and tag me if you fill it out :D)

Where in Thedas is your Rook from? Agnes grew up in the countryside, in the part of western Nevarra that has changed hands between Nevarra and Orlais a few times. I headcanon this to mean there are some people who live their who consider themselves “Orlesian” and have a more Orlesian culture, although this is exclusively the peasant/lower class. Agnes’ mother Madeline would have been one of those peasants. Her father is a Nevarran noble, but very minor nobility; she was raised on his estate, first as a servant, then later as one of the members of the household after her mother passed away. Because her father’s estate is so far west, she was sent to the Circle at Perendale when her magic manifested, rather than the fancier Circle in Cumberland. She also has a slight southern inflection to her pronounciation because of all this, which means everyone else in the Mourn Watch clocks her as a hayseed pretty much from day one.

What is your character’s alignment? She’d like to think she’s lawful good, but despite how hard she tries she’s really a messy, chaotic good.

Race and subclass? Human, Spellblade mage.

If your Rook was a companion, where would they be found? Minrathous, because Agnes is definitely still getting run out of Nevarra by the nobility after the War of the Banners one way or the other, even if she doesn't end up as "Rook" Rook. 😬

What emotion did they usually pick? Aggressive/stoic, but it’s a mask. She mellows out to the soft supportive/approving Rook when she’s talking to someone she likes (mostly just the companions.)

What companion are they platonically close with? Agnes is closest with Bellara, although Davrin is probably a close second.

Romantically close with? She’s been disgustingly obsessed with Emmrich since she was like, 19, if that counts as “close.”

Who are they suspicious of? ILLARIO FROM DAY ONE. FROM GO SHE DOESN’T TRUST THAT MAN. Also, every time Solas so much as breathes in her direction she thinks he’s planning something awful for her. She's not always wrong.

Does your Rook get along with their chosen faction? For the most part, Agnes “got along” with the rest of the Mourn Watch in the way that oil and water “get along.” But there were a few rare exceptions where she made a friend… or an enemy. :)

Are they proficient in playing any instruments? Solas is trying to teach her the harpsichord. It isn’t going well!

Weapon of choice? Orb & dagger babeyyyyy. Let her get up close with her magic and stabby stab.

What is their orientation? Like, I know this, but I don’t know that Agnes does…. She’s not 100% hetero but she’s been obsessed with Emmrich for so long I don’t think she’s ever really had the chance to discover that she’s maybe a little bi.

What are their thoughts on killing? Is it a necessary evil or do they enjoy it? Don’t tell anyone, but she likes it. Not because of anything to do with the bloodshed itself—she’s not really bloodthirsty—but it gives her great satisfaction to know that she is strong enough (and capable enough) to protect the people, communities, and ideas she cares about. She enjoys killing because she’s good at it; because she thinks it can help keep the people she loves safe, and protect her, in some measure, from grief. (It won’t.)

What hobbies does your Rook have? Agnes draws, although she doesn’t really consider herself an ‘artist’ in the typical sense. Her drawings are meant to be renderings, not artistic depictions: true to scale diagrams of monuments and anomalies in the Necropolis that Emmrich has asked her to draw to illustrate his scholar’s logs. She maintains this ‘hobby’ after she leaves the Mourn Watch, but never really considers herself an artist so much as a person who looks at things carefully. I would say her drawing style is more architectural than expressive. She loves the opera, it’s her #1 fixation. Not really a hobby so much as a coping mechanism, but she’s also frequently found to be cleaning—either her Mourn Watch cell or Emmrich’s study.

What NPCs do they like? Which ones do they dislike? I mean, as indicated above, she dislikes Illario pretty much from ‘go.’ No one else is really able to get under her skin that way… although she doesn’t really love the dude selling conspiracy theory newspapers in Minrathous either, even if he is Neve’s contact.  As far as the ones she likes… I’m not sure that she and Viago have a warm relationship, exactly, but they have common interests and a mutual respect for each other. She likes Shathaan a lot, because in some ways her protectiveness over Taash reminds Agnes of her own mother. Of course, she has a complicated relationship with Myrna and Vorgoth because of the War of the Banners and her own damage about being part of the Mourn Watch in general, but those are also positive relationships.  She has a… complicated history with Johanna Hezenkoss, who advocated for her inclusion in the Mourn Watch. :)  In general though she tends to keep people at arms’ length, so she doesn’t have super strong opinions about most of the NPCs.

Do they have a favorite creature in Thedas? She’s not really a big animal lover, but Agnes has a massive weak spot for Assan.

Do they enjoy life as an adventurer? I’m not sure it’s that she likes her life as an adventurer so much as she really wasn’t so hot about her life in the Mourn Watch…. She does enjoy the things that life as an adventurer has brought her, though, specifically all her new friends in the Veilguard. It’s really the first time in her life she gets to feel that kind of camaraderie.

What would your Rook be doing if they weren’t recruited by Varric? Getting cauliflower ear and developing chronic pain while fighting for her dinner in Dock Town.

How do you think they’ll meet their end? Spoilers for when I am laid in earth, sorry! :)

Would they side with Solas or fight him? Their relationship is so volatile it really depends on the day. Ask her again tomorrow.

What is your Rook’s favorite ability? Omg that Voidblade though. Rush in and stabby stab stab and EVISCERATE

What languages is your character fluent in? Common, Tombscript (written)

What do they do after an absolute crisis? Sit in silence staring at a wall, not processing, not talking to anyone. Shoving it down as deep as she possibly can.

Does your character believe in the afterlife? Yes, but she doesn’t have any concrete ideas about what that looks like or feels like. But she has a high sense of conviction that there is something beyond death; that it is more like stepping through a door than a curtain coming down at the end of a play.

What specialization best represents your Rook? Spellblade. Get up in their business and fuck shit up.

What animal best represents your Rook? Mabari—capable of cuddling at your feet in front of a fire but also capable of chewing someone’s face off if pushed. But distinctly a domesticated animal; not a wolf.

What was their life like before the events of Veilguard? Immediately proceeding? Pretty grim—having left Nevarra and the Mourn Watch, she’s basically having a midlife crisis. Has left her boo behind. Has chopped off all her hair. Is feeding herself every day from the betting proceeds she earns in an illegal dueling ring. It’s not a good time! Agnes did not love Minratous, and most of the time she lived there she spent punishing herself for things that were probably out of her control.

Is your character the de facto leader of the party? Or do they consider someone else to be the leader? Oh no, she’s totally the leader. She hates it, but she owns up to it and what it means. It’s not the first time she’s had that burden, so when Varric asks her to take over in his place, she’s not half-assing it—she becomes boss.

If you could choose a different faction for your Rook, which one would they have joined and why? I mean, I wouldn’t… but there’s definitely a world where Agnes could have gotten involved with the Shadow Dragons in Minrathous if she hadn’t had the Depression so bad. She doesn’t really get over that until Varric recruits her.

What’s your favorite thing about your Rook? Hard to name one thing… in general, I really like that compared to my Inquisitor, Rook is a total mess. I like that she can be selfish, I like that she can be manipulative, but mostly I like that she’s just kind of… pathetic, on some level, most of the time, despite her higher-than-average capacity for physical violence. I do quite love that she saw an opera about someone killing themselves due to the pain of unrequited love, said “skill issue” and just started to repress her affection for Emmrich even harder. I think what I especially like is the way her psychic damage aligns in the most fucked-up perfect way with Emmrich’s… like I maybe thought before the game came out her being in love with him for 20 years without saying anything was a stretch, but in reality it is absolutely not. These two are so down bad for each other but both so unaccustomed to unrequited love that of course they don’t want to risk what warmth and affection already exists between them, of course they are just willing to take what they can get from each other and not risk rocking the boat because their partnership is the closest thing they’ve felt to family… which they are both suffering from a lack of. 

Bonus: some of the characters that inspired her :) not exhaustive

[ihatedtoadmit]

The Windows To My Soul [8]

pairing: OT8 x fem! reader

genre: soulmates, fluff, crack, creeping in angst

warnings: Please read the 'Summary' of this series, all are listed there!

word count: ~3.8k

summary: You make new discoveries about your freshly formed soulmate bonds, something that seems as surreal as the boys' behaviour towards you.

↳ Masterlist ↳ Next chapter ↳ Previous chapter

All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!

The car ride back to their hotel was silent. Correction: I was silent, they talked, but even their voices were more hushed than usual. The emotions inside my chest still whirled, like an aimlessly raging storm that calmed down one second, then became worse in the next one. It was confusing, as if the emotions weren't even my own.

Arriving back into their big living room -this was such a rich hotel, i swear-, I looked around for my backpack and sure enough, it was on the coffee table. Quickly opening and searching through it, I found my phone. Shakily unlocking the screen, my complexion paled rapidly as I noticed the countless calls and messages from my friend.

This was what I had been worried about.

You see, we had this whole trip planned out, wanting to go to several places the three or two of us together -depending if her boyfriend wanted to third wheel-. But then I suddenly disappeared and it was almost time for us, well, for them, to go back home.

I couldn't imagine the worry I’d caused my friend, who I cherished dearly.

With worried, pleading eyes, I looked around for anyone near my vicinity, needing an answer to my question immediately.

"What should I tell everyone?"

It was vague, but they had to have understood. And they seemingly did, if their reactions were anything to go by, their bodies around me close and shifting awkwardly.

"I'm….  Sigh  This is such a mess." - I could only agree with Chan as he slid a hand down his face, stretching the skin there in frustration.

Just think about it. I couldn't tell anyone the truth, not yet at the very least, not until JYP made an official statement that SKZ found their soulmate. But saying anything other than the truth would make my friend suspicious; she was rightfully protective of me, and would be able to spot my lies right away. What could I tell her? If I said I was injured, she would postpone her flight just to check up on me. If I said the truth, the company would have my head instead.

Nothing seemed proper, and the boys knew it too.

They all just kept silent, pondering with complicated expressions. It was painful to watch them all silently think, guilt so clear on some of their faces that I could feel it in my soul.

But then my phone vibrated, and we were out of time.

I hesitantly picked it up, holding the device up to my ear with uncertain hands. A shaky hello left my lips, only to be met with silence.

A silence that lasted for a mere second, if that at all.

As if empowered by the gods themselves, my friend started loudly speaking, my poor ear suffering from it. Her words were all over the place, fast and in several languages, my exhausted brain having a hard time keeping up and translating for myself. She went on for a few more minutes, asking more and more questions in a worried tone, not even leaving me a chance to answer them.

So I let her go on, until it was finally silent again.

"Hey, I'm okay now. Listen, you know you can trust me, yeah?" - my quiet voice asked her. "Uhm, yeah, of course. Why? You're scaring me. Tell me, what happened?" "Know that I will tell you and everyone else everything when I can. I am fine, will be fine, don't worry about me. Just please, trust me. I'll tell you when I get the chance, okay? I'll keep in touch, don't worry about that, ye?" "... why does this sound like a goodbye in those shitty bl manhwas?"

A small laughter broke free from my chest at that.

"It isn't, I swear. Now promise me. Please." "... alright. But if you lied, I will not hesitate to print and put up Chan and Jisung pics into your room!" "Jesus christ, no, naur, please, not that, anything but that! Holy fucking shit!”

A loud groan left my lips as I dragged my other hand down my face, unable to resist the urge to lightly slam my head into the table right before me. The furniture gave out a small noise as I collided with it, as if reprimanding me itself.

“Anyway, you two go, have fun on the remainder of your trip, then go home. If anyone asks, tell them I got an irrefusable job offer. I mean, that is half true, so, yea. Anyway, really, have fun, take pics cuz I wanna know. Talk to you later, bye-bye." "Ah, alright, okay. Wait, you're not coming with us?" "Uuuhhh… yeaaa, naah." "What the fuck do you mean yea nah?! What did you get yourself into?" "... just know that I'm okay. We'll meet again someday, don't worry, I'm not kidnapped." - I lightly laughed, knowing that I was, in fact, being actually kidnapped.

"Fine. My threat still stands. If you don't text me frequently, I will also hunt you down with Jisung pics." - she answered after a few beats of thinly stretched silence. "Girl, shush, really, stop with the pics! You're gonna be the death of me!"

She only laughed at that, all the while I cursed her out with probably red cheeks. Eventually, we said our goodbyes, allowing me to let out a big sigh and drop my head onto the table once again.

"Everything good?" - Felix's voice asked from somewhere behind me, reminding me that they were still there.

Oh god they were still there.

Mortified, I twisted my torso around and looked at them.

"You didn't hear what she said, did you?" "Nah, at one point you took the volume down so much we heard no sound coming from your phone." - Jisung answered, confusion clearly seen on his face. "Why?" "Nothing, Seungmin, really, no reason. I mean, yes reason, but none for you. You guys shall never know." "Eeh? C'moooon!" "Puppy eyes don't work on me, Felix!" "Oh I bet it was about her bias." - Changbin butted in, that signature smirk on his face.

My eyes widened as I stared at him, my lips drawing into a thin line as I was just frozen there, becoming a statue of embarrassment.

"Wait, I'm right?"

Chaos ensued, giving me no chance to deny his statement. Even if it wasn't true, the boys would've believed it no matter what, now that the situation had escalated like this. Curse you and your sixth sense, dwaekki.

Even after several minutes of me just silently sitting there, they kept nagging me, no matter what I did. They didn’t stop at all, not even when I turned back around, my back now facing them, my head once again comfortably resting on the cool surface of the table.

Gosh, they didn't let up, did they?

But eventually, they slowly calmed down and left to their rooms, probably to pack their things. They did speak amongst themselves and a bit to me, but I was too drained to catch what words left their mouths. But now their lack of presence gave me some breathing room, to get my brain to work and to focus on those uncomfortable, swirling feelings inside my chest.

It was as if they tightly wrapped themselves around my heart, squeezing it in demand. With each passing second they were becoming significantly brighter, more positive than they had been the past few hours. It confused me, but also tickled my fanfic-lover brain.

I had a sneaking suspicion that not all these emotions were my own, so I focused on one and tried to analyse it.

This one was the most prominent feeling, so obviously not stemming from me. It was too bright and nice for that; just the mere presence of it lifted my depressed spirits.

Tracing it back slowly, step-by-step, imagining the emotion as a ribbon, woven together by endless, bright strings of light. A certain warmth filled up my whole heart, washing over it like a tidal wave and letting it drown inside. My breath got stuck in my throat, even if only for a second, but I couldn’t let it stop me. No, I couldn’t give up so easily, so I focused harder, the strings becoming clearer and the warmth turning nearly scorching. The golden ribbon of light that I fought so hard for to appear led me to a petite form, his aura just like the emotion itself.

It was the sunshine incarnate himself.

Happy that my theory seemed to be correct, I opened my eyes and rested my chin on the table, instead of my forehead. A silent, yet heavy breath left my being, the scorching feeling leaving my lightly scorched form. The room felt hot, but thankfully it was feeling cooler and cooler by each passing second.

"Why so happy, but tired so sudden?"

Oh, I didn't even realise Changbin was still here, his question catching me off-guard. I just shook my head as an answer after sitting up properly -my hood falling down-, facing the man sitting on the couch behind me.

He seemed to let the topic go as he pocketed his phone and slid down next to me, not caring that he was now sitting on hard floorboards, even if carpeted. His expression was uncharacteristically soft, no hint of teasing or anything on his face. I couldn't help but stare at him, not even flinching as his hand gently brushed against my mask, the digit hovering above it, uncertain.

"I told you you're cute under there. No need for mask." - his voice was equally gentle, causing my eyes to widen in surprise.

The man before man wasn’t his usual loud, brash self, all those sharp edges now hidden, allowing me to catch a glimpse at the softness hiding inside. I nearly leaned into his hand, those dark nebulas of his so alluring and gentle that for a moment, just for a single moment, I had forgotten who I was speaking with.

But the moment was gone and I forced myself to look away from him, a task I never had so much trouble with prior to this moment. My head nearly moved on its own, silently denying his claims with the smallest of movements. How couldn't I? Even if I was the most confident person about my own looks, these people all saw me bedridden, in a hospital. Not exactly your prettiest moments in life.

"But you are. I no lie." - he confidently whispered, running a thumb under my eye.

I couldn't help but lightly laugh at that, unable to believe his claims.

"If no believe, then I say it so much you will."

Changbin seemed to have made up his mind, giving my tired self no choice but to silently accept it. He looked proud at that, satisfied as I didn't protest against it. With one final movement, he tucked a stray hair strand behind one of my ears, something on his arm catching my eye.

It was his soulmate tattoo, peeking out from his short sleeve and racing down towards his lower arm.

The ink lines were fine strands, ribbons snaking around his arm, weaving together playfully, always finding the others, even after splitting up countless times. Their surface glistened in the artificial warm light, the black ink sometimes seeming like the night sky, sparkling with stars.

He probably caught me staring, because he lifted his arm into my view, his other hand reaching for mine and holding it there after tucking up my sleeve.

"I know it's scary, but we here for you. Pretty tattoos are proof of our love."

How could he say such a thing so lightly?

I could only look back at him, taking his hand in mine and tracing the shapes over with the gentlest of touches. I didn't know what to do, especially with feelings, never really did. I was bad at them, usually pushing them away and bottling them up, something that never failed to lead to a disaster. So I hoped this, this little action of mine would let him know that I cared.

Because I truly did.

Footsteps were soon heard, several other members joining us in the living room with their luggages.

"Hyung, you can go pack." - Felix said, taking the short male's place next to me.

But only after Changbin sent me the brightest of smiles, causing warmth to take root inside my chest.

"Did Hyung do anything while we were away? Nothing happened?" - the young aussie's voice was warm and gentle, a teasing lilt grappling onto its edges.

I shook my head, watching as Chan made his way to my other side, walking around the couch to get there. He promptly sat down, his eyes set on us with a small smile resting on his face.

God damn it, not the dimples, not my weakness. But next to them was something new, something that I was sure wasn't on Chan before. It was at the edge of his face, running down over his jawbone and neck, disappearing into his shirt.

Thin, matte black lines littered his skin, converging and breaking away, as if a cracked surface. Around them were countless little stars, glinting when the light hit them just right.

It fit him painfully well, his ambitious self always shooting for the stars, despite everything.

I found myself raising a hand towards it, carefully hovering nearby. His smile only softened, placing his head in my hand, startling me. I quickly looked up into his eyes, scared, but I was only met with endless kindness and warmth.

So I focused back on the dark lines, tracing my thumb over them.

It was beautiful.

All their tattoos I had seen so far were. I didn't see myself in them, not understanding how I had a part in creating these beautiful creations, my mind having already denied Jisung’s prior words in the hospital. It just all seemed impossible in my eyes.

As if sensing my thoughts, Chan raised a hand towards my own neck, gently running a finger over the skin resting there.

"You have it too, y'kno'. Pretty, like you are."

I could only make a quiet, confused sound at that, caught by surprise and disbelief.

Did just two 3racha members compliment me in the last few minutes?? Was I somehow transported into a weird dating game?!?

Chan's laughter rang through the air, followed by the others' who were in the room. Right, they were here too, right. Fuck.

"You're so flustered already. Did Bin say something similar?"

I nodded at him, pulling my hand away and facing the table again, a furniture I was starting to take a liking to with how familiar I was becoming with it. Looking at those unchanging lines in the wood was still a much better choice than facing these teasing men.

"Hyung, don't fluster her already, you're gonna scare her off!" - Felix reprimanded the leader, like a mom would her child. "Hey, I was just stating the obvious! As if you wouldn't say something like that to her too!" "Don't try to put the blame on me mate!" "I wasn't, and you kn–"

Before Chan had a chance to finish his sentence, Minho chucked a pillow at them both and amusedly pointed at me.

Me, who was halfway through crawling under the table. Sending a quick glare at him, I quickly slipped under the furniture, laying on my side and facing away from the boys, tugging the hoodie that sat on my head further down, if that was possible. Ah, yes, the sight of the slightly dusty floor and the lower half of the cabinets was much better.

"Hey, Eevee, come out please."

I just made disagreeing hums at Felix's request, feeling my whole face burning up. Even in my current confused and tired state, I was flustered as hell. And no matter how much they tried to coax me out, I didn't budge, no, I instead curled up into a smaller ball, if anything.

Just as one of them changed positions to try and face me, others came into the room, if their loud footsteps were anything to go by.

"Hey, uh… What's going on?" - Jisung's voice rang throughout the place, making me hide into my palms even more.

Minho answered him in korean, something I didn’t understand, besides the amused tone of it all. The betrayal, I bet he outed me. And I was right, as the new arrivals soon started laughing as well, Jisung joining the aussies at the table, while Jeongin and Seungmin sat with the cat. I thought so at least, based on the noises and voices I had heard.

"Come on Eevee, don't hide. If you get this flustered from only this much, you won't last long."

What was that supposed to mean, you lil quokka?!

I just stared at his face with wide eyes through my fingers, only seeing him laugh even harder at my reaction, nearly falling onto his back from the force. He spoke with the others in korean after calming down, their conversation letting me calm myself a bit as well.

I felt like the embodiment of a keyboard smash.

My thoughts and feelings were all over the place, the fact that I apparently felt the others' emotions not helping in the slightest. If I wasn’t in a public place, I would have let out a low whine, my pounding head and hurting joints silently screaming in agreement.

But just as I was calming down and detangling these feelings, a loud dwaekki arrived back into the room. I had no idea what any of the boys saying, but soon enough, the table from above me disappeared. I could merely stare at a very smug and slightly offended Changbean, as he just put the table away and picked me up.

Like, straight up just plucked me from the ground, as if I was a ripe vegetable ready to be harvested.

Acting as if I weighed nothing at all, even though with my height, that was impossible. The man simply moved me around in his arms and sat down facing the others, plopping me into his lap. His arms were around me as I sat there, my legs against my chest, as if it was his silent message towards me: you cannot escape, don’t even try.

"What the fuck just happened?" "She speaks!"

I shot an unamused glare at Felix, immediately shutting him up as he shot his hands up into the air in defence. Changbin just amusedly huffed behind me, his head now firmly placed onto my shoulder, something he couldn’t exactly do when we were standing, thanks to my giraffe-like height.

He seemed content to just hold me there, so I put my own head on top of my knees and watched as the others bickered. I seemed to have become a silent spectator of the group once again, although I didn’t mind it, used to it all. The mere thought of being an active participant of this liveliness exhausted me, making me relax more into the idol’s unbreakable hold. And yet, even with all that, the boys tried to speak in english. I could tell even in my tired state and I appreciated it, but since not all of them were fluent in it, they switched back to korean a lot.

I really had to learn korean or something…

“Right, right, whatcha wanna eat, Eevee?” - Jisung excitedly asked, drawing everyone’s attention to me. “Mh, he’s right. We can order it, so don’t worry, choose anything.” - Chan added in, his hand already fishing out his phone that was tucked away safely into his pocket.

Just as I was about to say that no, I wasn’t feeling hungry -probably from all the stress-, I caught Minho’s glare and my jaw tightly shut itself together. I knew he was the mom of the group, feeding the others being part of his love language, but this was just straight up frightening.

“Minho hyung, stare into her soul longer and she will dig a hole to hide in.” - Seungmin said as he slapped the mentioned cat on the shoulder, annoyance clear in his voice. “But eating important.” “That, I cannot argue with.”

Great, I still had no choice, but at least my soul wasn’t being stared down at.

…

What was I supposed to eat??? As a recovering patient, it had to be something more on the light side, but I wasn’t familiar enough with the japanese kitchen to know which dishes would fit into that category.

“... will you guys eat too?”

They collectively nodded, affirmative answers leaving their lips after a quick glance was shared between them. Changbin lightly squeezed my middle he was still holding onto, the hum that left his throat comfortably tickling my back.

Good, I wouldn’t feel weird and a big burden then, ‘making’ them order just for me.

“Do they have something light, like onigiri?” - I asked, my voice sounding way too vulnerable and quiet. “Mhm, good. You’re allowed to eat that as well, so I’m glad you chose this.” - Chan replied with a gentle smile painted onto his lips.

The leader then proceeded to list off the different fillings it could have and made me choose several, just in case. He said if I wouldn’t be able to eat it, they would, so I shouldn’t worry. I appreciated the gesture, really, but me being me, I did just that: worry.

Although I’d realised as I watched them bicker around while ordering, that this particular feeling wasn’t only mine. No, it stemmed from several people, all seeping towards me through the bond, although I wasn’t sure who else it also belonged to. These new, otherworldly powers were still very much fresh to me, after all.

But something else kept nagging at the back of my mind: worry wasn’t the only negative feeling wrapped around my heart. No, there was also excitement, fear, anger, happiness and displeasure, just to name a few that I tried my best to identify. It was truly a cacophony of chaos, a big tangled ball of mess that I just didn’t have the energy to detangle right now, to see what belonged to me and the others.

What I was certain about though was the worry I felt about this displeasure, a feeling that I could easily see stem from those around me as well. And somehow, I understood why they would feel that towards me, a stranger in their life.

My existence was probably the cause of it, someone who was supposedly their soulmate, their perfect other half just appearing out of nowhere in front of them. Most of them seemed to be happy to meet me, but that didn’t mean everyone had to feel that way.

No, some of them probably hated me being there, hated my very existence, hated how I’d met them and how now they had to deal with my useless self.

Next chapter

Taglist: @stayatinykatsy @vampcharxter @linlinaert @yoongibelike @ihrtlix @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @braveangel777 @michelle4eve @5starluvr @palindrome969

If I left you out, feel free to remind me to add you in!

[clare-875]

Until the End (Levi x Reader)- Chapter 21

[A Smile, a Bystander and an Intruder]

_____ A/N: Posted on Wattpad (@CLARE_875) but also decided to post here :)

Summary: "You can push me away, but I will still fight by you, and I will still follow you… until the end."

The ever-so-stoic Levi Ackerman has only ever known the terrors that living in a cruel world could bring. This all changed one fateful day when he encountered [y/n]; a girl renowned for her looks and abnormal speed. As they escape the confines of the Underground together, they soon discover that freedom doesn't come easy in a world full of Titans. As they rise through the ranks, [y/n] becomes known as "Humanity's Angel", a beacon of hope to humanity as she melts the walls Levi had built around his heart. However, she has her secrets too, and a dark past that might just threaten to pull them apart.

The storyline and characters of Attack on Titan do NOT belong to me, but all to Hajime Isayama; however, I do own this story, and all that occurs disparate to that storyline.

[Series Masterlist] [Chapter Twenty] <--> [Chapter Twenty-Two] _____

Historia had finally been made Queen, her plan of dealing the final blow to her father's Titan earning the respect of citizens in Orvud as the news spread like wildfire. The true Queen; their saviour. You and Levi now look out the windows of the castle in the capital of Mitras. You let out a laugh, ringing through the massive hallway. Levi had just been telling you that with Hange's injuries from a few days ago, their stench had become almost unbearable and that someone needed to knock them out soon and bathe them. Levi watches your carefree smile and lets one of his own seep onto his face, which results in a bunch of teasing from you. "Is that a smile I see Levi~?" His usual frown easily makes its way back onto his face again at your words, to which you laugh even more.

Levi's heart soars at the melodic sound and your gleaming eyes that look only to him. Some Scouts that pass by, stare as well, a blush covering their cheeks as they observe the carefree nature of Humanity's Angel. Well, that is until Levi gives them a glare that could make anyone piss themselves. You suddenly stop your teasing when you see your squad approach, each of them muttering to themselves, with Historia in a white dress, a determined expression on her face. "Oh, hey guys," you say getting up from where you leaned against the wall, observing the city through the windows as Levi follows behind you. The Scouts blush at your wide smile, angelic and bright against the backdrop of the sun's rays. "H-hello Captain [l/n]" Jean stutters out along with the rest as you raise your brows at their tense nature. Just what were they planning?

Suddenly, Historia starts breathing harshly as though she's trying to hype herself up, and as Levi finally makes his way to your side, she lets out a yell. Moving past you she holds an arm out into a fist and... punches Levi. Eren, Armin, Connie, Sasha and Jean look at the scene in disbelief, yelling out in shock. Mikasa on the other hand has a serene expression on her face, almost satisfied by the sight. You blink at the series of events that were displayed in front of you, as Historia lets out a laugh as she backs up grinning. "How'd you like that?! I'm the Queen! If you have a problem-" She's cut off along with everyone else at a sight, familiar to you, but rare to the rest. Levi's usually downturned lips move upwards slowly forming a sight that warmed your heart; A smile. "Thank you... all of you."

The entire squad is speechless, some looking in awe whilst others look as though they've seen a ghost. There's a part of you that wants to laugh at the antics of your squad whilst another part makes you wanna cry. You can't remember the last time Levi was this happy in the presence of so many others. Sure, you loved that he was not shy in showing you flickers of his emotions but seeing the gratefulness shared and shown to others meant so much to you. It took you back to the times you had both spent with Isabel and Furlan. A time so harsh yet so simple if you look at all that you have seen and done now. You can't help a lone tear that passes your eye, as you quickly rub it away. But it causes the squad to panic once again, and Levi to turn to you, eyes widening in surprise and concern. The sight of you crying openly was as rare as Levi's smile.

"Captain [y/n] we're so sorry this was all Jean's fault-"

"Shut up Connie, you know it wasn't, it was Mikasa-"

"We didn't mean to punch your boyfriend-"

"Eren, he's not her boyfriend... there's no way."

"We're so sorry!"

You let out a long laugh as the squad, as they finally looked up to you after making such a scene of a lone tear. They look up at you as you lean against Levi's shoulder with one arm. "You guys are good kids," you say, as their eyes widen, blushes returning to their faces as Levi meets your gaze with slight ease. "What Levi said; thank you guys." The squad salutes you both as Levi follows you to where Commander Erwin and Hange will be waiting, no doubt about the paperwork you had to catch up on after the many events of the past few days. Levi catches up to you with a silent questioning glance, but you simply use the darkened corridor to squeeze his hand gently, a knowing look reflecting in his eyes.

"So, do you think they're together now?" Jean asks as he and the rest of the squad watch you and Levi turn the corner from the hallway. "Didn't I say that ages ago?" Eren asks as he looks to his friends. "They do seem very close, but they've always been close haven't they?" Armin adds a contemplative look adorning his face. Connie nods, "Well they're both from the Underground, aren't they? I heard they've known each other since they were kids." Sasha nods along with his words as a dark aura reaches her left. "I refuse to believe that Captain [y/n] would ever settle for that man." Mikasa's look is dead-serious as the rest sweatdrop at her antics.

.....

Two months pass by. Historia has become a queen renowned for her fairness and kindness. She had opened an orphanage and even asked you and Levi for assistance in rescuing kids from the Underground, to which you were both happy to do so. There was a military purge and though considerable talent was lost from humanity's forces, the discovery of the glowing ore in the Underground cavern you had fought against Kenny in, was one of the many useful things we had gained. Also, with Eren's hardening ability, a certain anti-Titan weapon was born: We used his hardening to create an obstacle-like wall. When Titans would try and enter, soldiers would pound them to death, thus with no need for direct attacks on the Titans. It took a toll on Eren, as we worked him to the brink of exhaustion in honing his abilities, but we were one step closer to going to Shiganshina District and taking back Wall Maria after so many years.

During this time, you and Levi had grown even closer (if that were even possible). Despite Levi's soft spot for you unchanging, more people noticed how Humanity's Strongest Soldier and Humanity's Angel seemed to regard each other more in an affectionate light. This was much to the dismay of the many, many suitors who admired you from a distance, but one glance from Levi kept their jealous words from reaching their lips. The two of you were rarely seen without the shadow of the other following close behind. Any spare moment in these past two months had been spent together. Groaning over paperwork, tea deep into the hours of the night, meals in the dining hall, nights and whispers in the bedroom.

There had even been one day, where you had been able to drag Levi to the markets. He had watched your smiling frame attract vendors and men alike, wanting to sell their products or their vows to you. He wouldn't admit the secret pride he held every time you rejected their advances and came back to his side. He wouldn't admit that he had a better time than he thought he would have, watching your bright and curious eyes. He wouldn't admit how much he was terrified of his growing love for you.

By the end of the day, you had been exhausted, running around and seeing what was to offer. You had turned to Levi, surprising him with a box of his favourite selection of tea, and he had surprised you with an elegant necklace, a single feather as the pendant. You had been eyeing it all day, deciding to trade the purchase of it for Levi's tea. You had thanked him profusely and the two of you had walked home together, you smiling brightly at the beautiful day you had, and him smiling softly at you.

Now, however, it was a different scene. You were grasping onto [h/n]'s reins tightly as you and Levi raced ahead of the squad together. Eren had just remembered the man he had seen in his memories. The man that he said had met with his father. Keith Shadis. "Before Erwin, he was the 12th Commander of the Scout Regiment. It's been a long time since I've seen him." Hange speaks up from behind you both. You silently agree.

.....

"What's wrong Braus? Not sitting?" Commander Shadis looks up to Sasha who is rigid under his stare as she replies, almost screaming her words nervously. "No! I am quite fine standing here!" The man who sits at the head of the table looks at her as memories flash through his head. "Back in the day, I always used to call you in here to chew you out. And it's only been a handful of months. I hardly recognise you all anymore." He looks to the members of our squad, a bittersweet nostalgia filling the air. "Commander Shadis..." Hange begins looking at him after a brief silence takes over. "Rather Commandant... With preparations to retake Wall Maria underway, perhaps you can guess what brings us here today."

The previous Commander's eyes now look to Eren who sits opposite him, face darkening and silence deadly. "Eren. You resemble your mother so much." You hear as Eren takes in a breath of surprise at his words. "However, the fangs lurking deep in your eyes are surely your father's." Eren stands abruptly at his words, eyes striking as he looks to Shadis. "Tell me about him! Everything you know!" The Commander's gold eyes shine under the dimming light as he replies to Eren's sudden exclamation. "I know nothing... in the grand scheme of things. However, I can tell you a story utterly useless to humanity... The story of my past... as a mere bystander."

He continues to tell you a story that took place twenty years ago. A time when both you and Levi would have been in the Underground fending for yourselves. How he had met Eren's father at the gates of Shiganshina, beyond Wall Maria. How he had asked him what he was doing beyond the walls, how Eren's father had retorted by asking him what he was doing beyond the walls. Shadis goes on to explain that Eren's father couldn't remember why he was outside the walls, all of his memories lost, except for his name, Grisha Jaeger. He would've had to report him, as it was a crime to go beyond the walls without permission, but ultimately decided not to; he wasn't a threat.

When Shadis asked Eren's father what he planned on doing, he replied that he remembered something other than his name. That he was a doctor. Grisha had asked Shadis to introduce him to a hospital and to teach him about this world and the Scouts. He had truly known nothing at all, nothing about this world or anything. Shadis remembered the strange comments Grisha had made when he was glad to find out the walls prevented humanity from suffering from Titans every day of their lives. How Grisha had spoken as though he was one of them; a Titan. When Shadis explained why he and the Scouts ventured beyond the walls, Grisha had not been deterred but impressed by the bravery and intelligence of the Scouts. But Shadis explains how Grisha's next words changed his entire point of view, how Eren's father had said that he would not be cut out for the Scouts. To become a Scout, you had to be chosen.

Shadis told us how much he desired to be the Commander, so he could change the fate of living in these cramped walls. To go beyond the small minds of those around him and accomplish so much that everyone would acknowledge him. But, he had also watched as Carla, Eren's mother, and all those around him became enamoured by Grisha instead, as he had helped prevent a deadly plague from wiping out humanity. How when Shadis had finally become Commander, it had felt so bleak, so very hollow. He watched Grisha marry Carla, others praising Eren's father more than they ever would him. Another day, another loss, more guilt, degenerate comments spoken as he rode his horse through the streets back from the walls. Someone special... A chosen one...

Shadis spoke of how he had returned one day to find Carla with a baby boy in her arms; Eren. How she had asked Shadis if he would continue this way of life until he died. Shadis had exclaimed to her how the reason people live and die doing nothing was because they lacked imagination. How they're not ashamed of their lives as they produce nothing but shit. How they can't understand or accomplish greatness. How he had realised that normal people accomplish nothing, but how special people do exist. How he had handed over his position to Erwin, left his dream to you, to Levi, to Hange, to the special people, the chosen people because he realised... he wasn't. He had wondered why he never realised the simple fact from the beginning. But then, the day Wall Maria fell, when Shiganshina was destroyed, he had run into Eren's father.

Grisha had a tormented look on his face as he shouted Shadis's name through the panic of people around him. That was when Shadis realised, it was Grisha's fault. All of it. He watched as he cradled Eren's young form in the aftermath of the destruction, how he watched Grisha realise that his wife was not with his son. Then Eren had awoken, speaking the truth, that Carla had been eaten by a Titan. But instead of grief, Grisha had said only one thing to Eren: That he must avenge his mother. Grisha had then stood to take Eren into a forest and told Shadis not to follow. Shadis had asked him why he didn't avenge his wife instead of relying on his son, and if it was because he was special, unlike him. But when he continued to ask Grisha if he was going to curse someone else now, he replied that Eren, unlike him, was his son, and to stay out of it.

But Shadis had followed. He thought he heard something in the distance, like thunder. But all he had found in the forest was Eren, unconscious. He had carried his body back to the shelter, to Mikasa and Armin, no sight of Grisha anywhere.

(A/N: Sorry that was longer than intended...) 

"Is... Is that it?" Eren asks looking at the man in slight disbelief. "Now we know the real reason you resigned," Hange speaks up from opposite you, as they look to the prior Commander. "Not to atone for the soldiers you killed... but because you realized you were never special. That's the childish reason you're here." Levi speaks up from next to you, a grim expression adorning his face. "Quit it, Hange" But Hange looks to Shadis with anger evident on their face. "Screw your inferiority complex. Don't run from reality. Isn't that what vowing to give our hearts was all about?!" Hange rises to their feet as they let emotion take over, only stopping when Eren speaks up. "Please stop, Hange."

"The commandant was right. I was never special or anything. But... I'm the son of a special man. That's all it is." A tense silence takes over before Shadis speaks up once again. "Your mother... Carla said this... Is it wrong not to be special? She said that when it comes to her child... it's fine if he's never great. How he doesn't have to be better than anyone. Just because to her, her son, Eren, was so cute, so he's already special. Because he was born into this world." Eren's emerald eyes are set ablaze at Shadis's words, his focus entirely on the man in front of him, as he continued. "And you, just like your father wanted... chose to set ablaze your life... which will burn to ashes outside the walls... In the end, I couldn't... I couldn't change a single thing at all. I'm a mere bystander."

....

"In other words... Eren's father, Grisha Jaeger... is likely a human who came from outside the walls." You watch as Erwin's shining eyes flicker briefly to you before looking back to the small group in front of him. You sat by Levi, outside of the small circle of Sout leaders Erwin had gathered. Erwin and Hange had already known of your memories many years ago, had already known the potential that you were not from within the walls a long time ago. But seeing your lack of memories, and growing trust after more than seven years of service, Erwin had seen it fit to stay silent on the matter. Never would you have thought that somebody else, living as you had within these walls, Grisha Jaeger, was also not from here. "Yes, just like Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt, he possessed the Power of the Titans. But different from those three, he was supportive of humanity within the walls." Hange speaks up from next to the Commander before another man interrupts.

"If he was so interested to know about the Scouts and such, we could've used more of that support of his." Hange sighs, " I wonder... but from the moment he entered the walls, he was searching for the royal family all alone, I'm sure. And that... that's not something you do without incredible resolve. That same father wanted to show his 10-year-old son, eager to join the Scouts, the basement of his house. On death's door, he said the truth of it all was... in the basement. What in the world do you think is down there?" A brief silence takes over as Erwin's face becomes grim. "Things which mustn't be said... No... Things Grisha Jaeger couldn't say, even if he wanted to. That which the First Reiss King wiped from our memories... memories of our world... is what I hope, but... Pondering about it here won't accomplish much."

Erwin looks up to the group after muttering his thoughts out to us. "The preparations finished today. The operation to retake Wall Maria starts in two days. Want to know what's in the basement? Let's go see for ourselves. Isn't that what Scouts do?" The faces of the people in the room start to upturn into smiles, but your frown doesn't leave your face, and it does nothing to deter the stiffness in Levi's posture. "Let all your squads know." Another Scout leader speaks up from his seat. "Right. Keeping it secret of course, yeah?" Another one joins in, "On a day like this, we deserve some meat, right?" There are nods all around as more join in on the conversation now deterred. "Good idea. Gotta show those kids us adults can be counted on."

You watch as the Scout Leaders and Hange get up to leave. You hear the whining in Hange's voice as one Leader teases Hange about having adored Commander Shadis before they found out the actual reason he resigned. Their voices turn to murmurs as Levi gets up from beside you and closes the door turning to Erwin, who asks him what's wrong. "What will you do after retaking Wall Maria?" Levi asks looking to the Commander. You know he has been plagued with a burden, whether he admits it or not, as earlier Erwin entrusted him with the syringe and serum left by Kenny. One that could turn a human into a Titan. "I'd guess a defence plan comes first, but... After that?" Erwin looks to Levi, emotions certain. "Eliminating threats," he replies easily.

"Outside the walls, there seems to be someone hoping Titans will eat us all. Of course, the answer to who is in the basement, I imagine. It's as I said earlier. We'll plan after the basement." Levi's face is one of deep hindrance as he looks to the man he has followed for many years. "I'm asking this because you might not live that long. You can't exactly move like you used to." You watch as Erwin clutches the spot where his right arm would be before Levi continues. "Let Hange call the shots. You'll just be deadweight. Let the good news come to you. We'll tell the others I argued until you gave in. No... That's actually what I intend. Fine with that?" You look at Erwin, a brief contemplative look in his eyes, before his brows furrow and gaze meets Levi's again. "I'm not."

"I'm fine being food. Use me as bait. The chain of command remains. If I'm gone, then Hange. If Hange's gone, the next. This operation will indeed be dangerous, but... to humanity, it's more important than anything else. That's why I've gone to such lengths. This is all my plan. If I don't do it, the success rate will plummet." Levi interrupts him abruptly, "That's right," he says eyes sharp as he looks to Erwin. "The operation might fail, but... If you bite the dust in the process, we're doomed. So just sit at your desk and keep using your head. That's the last thing the Titans would want. And for humanity, it's the best thing going for us." But you see Erwin, not complying with what Levi has said. "No, our best option is for me to gamble it all-"

"Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hold up... Keep using that bluff around me and I'll break both of your damn legs." Levi's eyes are murderous as he listens to the Commander's words. You can see it. The worry Levi holds for not only his superior, but the friend we had followed for years; the reason Levi and I had joined the Scouts. You see the way Levi despises every excuse and every mention of a gamble. You see the concern he holds hidden deep behind his grim face. "I'll make it nice and easy to attach them later," Levi continues with his threat. "But the operation to retake Wall Maria will proceed with you weeping here. It'll be a bitch to get to the toilet though."

You watch as Erwin lets out a laugh under his breath with Levi's always crude and sometimes abrupt humour. Except this time, you didn't think he was joking. "I'd like to avoid that." The Commander says looking to his side before his eyes meet Levi's again. "What you're saying is right. A wounded soldier should stay off the battlefield. However... There will come a moment when we learn the truth of our world... and I must be there for it." Levi looks in disbelief to his superior. "Is it that important to you? More than your legs?" Levi takes a step forward towards Erwin. "More than humanity's victory?"

"Yes."

You get up, knowing that the conversation has come to an end, and Levi sees there is no way to convince Erwin otherwise. "I see... I'll trust your judgement, Erwin." Levi turns and opens the door, as you follow silently, but just before you follow him, the Commander's voice stops you. "Wait, [y/n]." You pause in the doorway, watching as Levi looks at you questioningly before you turn back to Erwin. There is a grim look on his face, as he stands and approaches you. His blue eyes are sharp and bright in the glow of the sun, reflecting onto his face. "You must know that what we find in the basement could have the potential to reveal the truth about your origin too." His stare doesn't falter as he continues. "Are you ready to accept the truth whatever that means?"

You look down, knowing what Erwin is trying to say. You would have to accept the truth presented to you, even if that meant it showed you as a threat to humanity; even if the truth meant it portrayed you as the enemy. You look up, your own [e/c] eyes shining in certainty and nod. "I'm ready for the truth, whatever that may be, and I'm ready to face the consequences of the truth if any need to be put in place." Erwin nods affirmatively, putting a hand on your shoulder before turning to leave. "You're a good soldier, [y/n], I have full trust that you and Levi will bring humanity to victory." With that, Erwin leaves, passing by you and Levi, who waited just outside the doorway. You make eye contact with Levi, a tense expression on his features, but you shake your head before he can say a word. You had accepted your fate many years ago, just as Erwin had. You would do whatever it takes to learn about the truth.

Even if the truth burdened you more than your ignorance.

_____

[Chapter Twenty] <--> [Chapter Twenty-Two]

[acacia-may]

8 for the writing asks pls?

Thank you for the ask and for playing this writing ask game.

8. An excerpt of my writing that hurt my own feelings to write.

I've definitely written a lot of things that hurt my own feelings to write, but I cried real, genuine tears when I wrote this scene and was so emotional over it that I actually had to stop and take a break to calm down by the time I got to Aubrey's "because you've always been that person for me" line. I've written a lot of angst and a lot of devastating moments, but I've only actually cried because of my own writing maybe twice(?) in my life (I'm usually not much of a crier), so it definitely sticks out to me and I consider the Aubrey-centric chapter of "When Sun Shines Again" some of the best writing I did last year. Here's a snippet:

With a heavy sigh, Hero turned away from her, staring out of the dark and gloomy window. “You know, I’ve…never really had a lot of fight in me…” he admitted quietly, a faint flush in his cheeks before he let out a light, somewhat self-deprecating chuckle. “It’s something I’ve always thought I should probably get a little more of. But you…” His expression softened, and he smiled at her as he met her eyes. “You’ve always been a fighter, and I’ve always admired that about you. You want to protect everyone—fight for your friends even when they can’t or won’t fight for themselves. But I’m your big brother…”—he took a shaky breath and patted the top of her head—“I’m supposed to be the one protecting you, so you don’t need to protect me, okay?” “But that’s the thing, Hero—you’re everybody’s big brother. Without Mari, you don’t have anybody to protect you anymore. And as long as you feel like you have to protect me and Kel and Sunny and Basil—as long as you feel like you have to take care of us, you’re never going to tell us what’s wrong, so you’re just going to suffer alone and none of us want that. We all worry about you too.” Aubrey paused, wiping her eyes. Hero froze. His hands trembled. He didn’t know what to say—didn’t even know how he felt. To see Aubrey so broken up and worried about him was like a wrench to his heart. First, Kel. Now, Aubrey. Could he do anything without hurting the people he cared for most in the world? “Aubrey, I…” he began to stumble as tears pooled in his eyes. “No, I—” she cut him off. “I didn’t say this to make you feel bad or feel guilty. I just…I know you, Hero. I know the way that things are—the way you always push aside how you feel to take care of everyone else, and I guess that’s part of the reason why I was so upset—because I knew how much you were suffering all alone and how you didn’t have anyone you felt like you could talk to. I know you’re never really going to be able to talk to us about what’s wrong—but I just…I think we all want you to have someone you can talk to. Someone you feel like you don’t have to protect. I know that’s never going to be me or Kel or even Basil or Sunny—you’re always going to be our big brother, but I want to believe there’s somebody out there—maybe even several people—maybe Brandi or your friends from school or I don’t know just anybody…somebody who you feel like you can tell these things to, somebody you can always go to who’ll try to understand and will comfort you and support you no matter what. I want you to find that person, Hero—because you’ve always been that person for me.”