ihatedtoadmit

[ihatedtoadmit]

Too much

pairing: Bang Chan x gn! reader

genre: angst, comfort

warnings: self-hatred

word count: ~2.6k

summary: Loneliness is a silent killer, although when you notice its presence, you almost run into its blade willingly, had it not been for Chan to save you from yourself.

a/n: I know. Chan again. I apologise but he is my comfort place, in a sense.

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All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!

It was supposed to be a normal day, like any other, yet the weight in my chest only proved me wrong. It settled over me like a veil–, no, like chains, dragging me down to the bottom of the sea. Darkness enveloped me now, both in mind and in body, form hidden beneath the thick layer of my blanket. Even its fuzzy texture and soft fibres couldn’t comfort me, something I had thought impossible before.

Now, it was my reality.

I had woken up like usual, left alone in the shared apartment of my significant other. He worked hard, far harder than anyone I’d ever known, passionate about his job to a degree I could only ever hope to understand. My own work was remote, not needing me to leave the house much, if at all. Still, that had never stopped him from leaving me a message on my phone, always leading to us chatting until he got back home.

Until those messages had turned more and more sparse, comeback season having kept him understandably busy. It had always been a stressful season for him and the entire team, a fact I understood without a doubt.

Yet, on this particular day, a realisation had dawned on me: I relied on him too much.

For so long – practically between comeback seasons – we spent our days together, may that be through phone or not. And as he now worked away in his studio, far too busy to check my message, I’d realised how empty I felt. How my days were spent waiting for a notification, my heart caring too much about one person.

Talking with others didn’t feel the same, or at least those who understood me to a similar degree to him were just as busy, if somehow not more. I’d become isolated in this place, a prison of my own doing.

How I despised my heart for choosing who to trust the most, who to run to for attention when possible, like a touch-starved dog begging for headpats.

It was what had driven me beneath my blanket, curled up until my joints shifted and bones creaked, entirely too weakly body groaning in protest. I understood why it was screaming at me as it was I who had decided to lay there for hours, unmoving, on the verge of tears yet not quite letting them fall. Every single time my thoughts took a turn and over-analysed another interaction with someone, with him, my eyes turned glossy, imprisoning those crystalline droplets like my thoughts had imprisoned me.

I couldn’t believe how clingy I had become, how deeply it was embedded into my nature despite my endless tries to get rid of it, ever since I was a child. No human being could ever possibly give me this much of their attention, no matter how they said it was fine, as it was physically impossible.

I’d been hurt by those promises too much in the past to believe them again.

Yet, even now, I kept listening, breath stilling just so I could hear the soft buzzing of my phone: the telltale sign of a notification. None came, however, and I was left only feeling worse, like a leech that had somehow managed to deceive those around it. They hadn’t signed up for someone like me upon the beginning of our friendships; nobody would have expected to suddenly get a friend who needed attention practically all day and week.

My body shivered and I only curled up tighter, the day now gone with me having done nothing at all. No chores, no hobbies, nothing. I was lucky enough to have had today off work-wise, although perhaps it would have taken my mind off of this thing.

I wasn’t sure, although I would have had this realisation sooner or later anyway.

The lock turned and I froze, body straining to check my phone for a time. The sudden light blinded me and yet I powered through it, burning eyes confirming my suspicions: it was far too early for Chan to be home.

His steps had already halted somewhere in the living room, voice laced with worry as he called out to me. It was enough for me to know that I would be caught had I gone out to greet him, nowhere near a state stable enough to pretend I was fine. My glossy eyes only watered more from having checked my phone, sensitive to the bright light after being in the darkness for so long.

The door slowly creaked open and light poured in from behind me, yet I remained still, hoping he’d think I was asleep. It was strange enough I hadn’t greeted him back, tall form laden with comfy clothes and waddling out to greet him with an all-encompassing hug.

Now he only got a small lump under a blanket, still and unresponsive.

His voice was quiet as he called out to me again, gentle, as if speaking any louder would shatter me. The hand that now caressed my shoulder was equally gentle, if not more, careful to not put any pressure on me. Despite that I didn’t move, mindful of my breathing and keeping it steady.

“What’s wrong, love?”

Apparently I was much too late to pretend I was fine, easy to read like an open book.

“Are you having a bad day mentally, or physically?” – he tried again, that beautiful voice even more tender, just for my sake.

I shifted then, curling up even tighter, if possible, yet it wasn’t enough to break the connection we had. Chan’s hand remained firm on my shoulder, as if it was written in the fabric of reality to be so.

“How did you know?” – my voice was small, too small, yet he didn’t comment on it. “You only ever do this when something’s wrong. Besides, this is your comfort blanket, love. You use it when you want to feel cosy and whenever you’re in need of a hug. Don’t shut me out, please? We’ve talked about this. Let me hug you, let me take care of you.”

His words were met with silence, although my lower lip was trembling as the coil within my chest was wound too tight now. He didn’t see it, of course not, it was physically impossible. I’d positioned myself to not be seen, ashamed of myself and who I’d become, who I truly was.

The hold on my shoulder tightened ever so slightly, worry no doubt coursing through Chan’s veins at my lack of response. It was extremely rare for one of us to do this, to go completely silent; we’d laid down some rules in our relationship long ago, just so there wouldn’t be any hurt feelings over misunderstandings. But I couldn’t speak now.

Not when doing so would break the dam inside my heart, letting everything ugly I’d kept inside spill out and taint this wonderful person.

Chan didn’t speak again as he instead let his actions do all the talking, the bed dipping behind me as he laid down. I wasn’t engulfed and I wasn’t moved; he simply had that hand on my arm now, thumb going back and forth in a comforting motion I didn’t deserve. He didn’t know how it only made me feel worse, to receive comfort when I was the one supposed to be giving it.

To be so weak and dependent on someone who was already dealing with too many things, it disgusted me.

I disgusted myself.

I wasn’t sure how long we had remained like that, just him quietly laying behind me as I fought against my tears. Eventually I failed, the droplets spilling forth and leaving behind glistening trails on my skin. A soft sniffle escaped me without my consent, causing the hold on my arm to tighten, yet Chan never pressed for a response or explanation.

He knew it wouldn’t work, knew it would only cause me to shut myself off.

Instead the sheets rustled as I moved sluggishly, limbs aching and joints popping. I could already see the grimace on his face at the sounds, knowing not all were natural but due to the state of my withering body. No matter, it wasn’t important right now.

“Channie, be honest. Am I too much?”

I watched as his expression shifted, eyes wide and mouth agape in shock. He probably didn’t expect such a question without warning, although to me, its presence made complete sense. This gaping emptiness in my chest perhaps hadn’t formed today, but I finally noticed it and things couldn’t stay the same. Not anymore.

I couldn’t keep being this dependent on a few people, on him all alone.

“What? Where did you even get this idea? Of course you’re not. You’re my baby, my love, my everything. Did someone comment something like this again?” – his voice was rushed, firm, as if in a race to reassure me.

I shook my head, denying his claims.

“Then what happened? Where did you get that stupid idea from?”

My eyes momentarily closed as his hand slid up to my face, wiping a few tears away, only to have more in their wake. He didn’t stop though and instead lingered there, the missed warmth of his hand slowing the droplets’ descent.

“I just realised some things now that you’re busy. Nobody said anything to me.”

Those warm orbs twisted at my words, turning darker and pained. Both his hands held my face now and with so much affection I felt like I was robbing the man, feeling a twist in my stomach at just how worried he seemed now.

“And what did you realise?” – his voice was smaller this time, as if afraid to ask, to know.

A deep inhale expanded my chest forcefully, yet once again not enough to sever our bond. His hands remained firmly in place, thumbs catching my ever-falling tears, causing my chest to tighten impossibly more. The ends of my lips dipped the moment I could feel the dam cracking within my heart, within my soul, disgusting tar and sewage leaking out through the thin openings.

And he stood at its foot, arms open, ready to let it wash over him.

“How can you tolerate me? I yap and whine a lot, even when I know you’re busy and stressed. Even now, I should be the one comforting you and yet here I am, breaking down, again. This isn’t fair towards you, to have someone so demanding as me as your partner. Or as someone in your life in general. I’m clingy and can easily overthink things, needing constant reassurance that nobody has the fucking time or energy to give. Of course they don’t, it’s physically impossible, so why? Why do you look at me like this, as if seeing me in pain hurts you?” – my voice died near the end, cracking from the unbearable weight of my emotions.

Chan didn’t hesitate.

Steady arms pulled me close and buried me into his chest, as if he was openly offering the place for me to live. His heart beat strongly in its cage, and I didn’t doubt that he would have scooted it away just to give me space there. It was such a Chan thing to do, to give without needing anything back and it only drove that self-inflicted knife deeper into my own chest.

“That’s not true. Maybe you don’t believe me right now, but none of what you said is true.”

His hold on me only tightened as he muttered those words into my hair, holding me so tight it felt as if he thought I would disappear otherwise.

“First of all, you take care of me plenty, my love. You always check in on me, leave me something each day to enjoy. Sometimes it’s a small note with a doodle and a short, but sweet message on it, other times it’s some cookies I can take in and eat with the boys. Just the other night you held me like this, lulling me to sleep with your gentle touches and humming.”

A violent sob tore itself out of me at that, two sides of my mind warring against each other. One wanted to believe Chan’s words, that I had some worth and wasn’t just some greedy bastard, while the other was incapable of accepting such things. They fought against each other in a violent battle, rendering me a sobbing mess in someone’s arms who I didn’t even think I was deserving of.

Yet, Chan’s arms remained around me, as if saying ‘You do deserve it’.

“Secondly, you always do your best to respect my space out of your own volition. I’ve never had to ask for it, because whenever you know I’m at work or stressed, you keep to yourself a bit. Only when I replied or I’m obviously free do you bombard me with messages or cutely start rambling about a new hyperfixation of yours. And I love it when you do that. I love seeing you be so excited about something that you nearly burst at the seams, and even be more excited to tell me about it.” – his voice was tender, so sure in itself even in its wavering state.

I didn’t react, overwhelmed by the emotions wrecking my body from the inside, despicable and ugly.

Yet, he still loved me like this, and I couldn’t understand how.

“You’ve never been too much, love. It’s okay to feel lonely at times, to feel more comfortable with certain people than others. That’s why I and your closest friends are here, and I’m sure they’d say the same. We love you both when you’re quiet and more reserved, and when you can barely contain your excitement over wanting to share something.”

A hiccup escaped me at that, and I just knew I’d tainted his t-shirt, terribly so.

“But you’re busy and stressed, and also have to take care of the boys besides yourself. I don’t—I don’t want to add onto that by being clingy. I hate that I feel the need to do so.” “You wouldn’t, my love. Never. But to make you feel better, how about I’ll put my phone on don’t disturb when I’m busy, hm? Then you can message me whenever you want, and when I’m free, I’ll reply shortly. Would that make you feel better?”

I nodded into his shirt, although that solution was a mere bandage to an open wound. Blood kept gushing from it as the plaster could do nothing against its force, only time and self-reflection able to heal it, if anything.

My knuckles turned white from the force I held onto him, greedily basking in his warmth despite knowing I shouldn’t.

“Please don’t ever keep it in if you ever feel like this again. I’m always there for you, my love, always. And you should know by now, silly,” – his voice gained a certain lightness to it, desperately hoping to lift this heavy atmosphere in the room – “I love nothing more than taking care of the boys, taking care of you. It’s what drives me to be better, to always be there for you in case of anything.”

His lips pressed into the crown of my head, sending warmth gently crawling down my spine, easing the knots in my stomach and the tense state of my muscles.

“You give so much yet ask for nothing, deriving yourself of even your basic needs.” “Perhaps that’s why Seungminnie said you’re dating a version of yourself.”

A chuckle blossomed in Chan’s chest at that, brief but sincere all the same. I smiled at the sound, unable to keep it in when it was one of my favourites.

“Can we stay like this for a little bit longer?” “Always, my love. Always.”

[ihatedtoadmit]

One-way ticket

pairing: vampire! Bang Chan x gn! reader

genre: ...suggestive, again

warnings: nothing actually happens, so none besides teasing

word count: ~1.3k

summary: Your relationship with your otherworldly boyfriend has reached a point of no return, something you embrace with open arms.

a/n: I blame @writingforstraykids for this, again, as she made me watch Railway and reignite my love for vampire AUs, even though I'm still deeply buried in my werewolf brainrot. So take this thing I wrote at 2 am in a delirious haze, that song blasted into my ears directly with such force I now have the lyrics engraved into my brain.

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All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!

Fascination had always driven me as I lived my life, surroundings endlessly housing something interesting enough for me to poke at, to unravel it and see how it ticked. Never once did I harm something in the process though, tenderly handling each animal as I observed them, always told I look like a child on Christmas night with the nebula of stars that had crawled into my eyes.

He’d said the same thing the first time we had met, truly met, real identity revealed for me to know. It had been a huge step in the connection we had shared, and it had only deepened this endless love I harboured for the man.

His smile alone was enough to lighten my day, sharp canines glinting in the light and yet I only found them all the more endearing, a fact he’d never failed to point out with the most love-sick expression I had ever seen.

It was a casual night when he’d beckoned me over to the couch where he sat, pulling my taller form down into his lap easily. With one hand on one of my knees and the other on the small of my back, he stared up into my surprised eyes, only chuckling at my reaction with that stupidly attractive dimpled smile of his.

“Did you know, love, that those silly stories about vampires aren’t all wrong?” - he started, immediately gaining my full attention. His smile only grew as he knew what buttons to push to earn it this fast, knowing me more than I knew myself at this point.

Being together for a few years granted that advantage to a person.

“What did you guys call it? Soulmates, I think? We do have that, or something similar at least. It’s a pull towards the one person we are connected to for eternity, unable to ignore or ever get rid of it. They’re the other halves of our souls we had lost in the afterlife, carved apart for having chosen immortality.”

His gaze never once wandered from me and I relished in it, drinking it all in like a starved animal. Every word was etched into my brain and I leaned closer, one hand carefully reaching up to cup Chan’s face. He leaned into my touch as my thumb caressed the skin residing underneath those bright, wine red and hauntingly white orbs, their shine temporarily hidden as he closed them in bliss.

“You’re my other half, my love. Knew it the moment our eyes met, the moment you didn’t run away when I revealed my true nature and instead looked at me with more love.”

His whispered words clearly rang inside my head despite the intense focus I had over his features, getting lost in his stare. It was as if he was worshipping me, memorising every little feature of my face, of my presence itself.

I didn’t move away when he leaned in, our lips sealed together, a rare act from someone as reserved as me. The hold he had on me only tightened and it told me everything I needed to know, his appreciation for this unique moment shared with me through our fleeting kiss.

“I want to share eternity with you, baby. Want to have you by my side forever, watch every sunset together until the universe itself ends.”

His words, albeit as cheesy as they could be, only spurred this burning feeling inside my chest that sparked from nothing. No, not nothing. It was created by that loving look in his eyes, the one that craved me in every possible way; both in body and in mind.

My limbs moved before I could even think about a coherent reply, weight shifting as our legs were now pressed close together, bodies facing each other. His face, the one that never once turned away from me, was framed by both my hands and he acted as if he wanted nothing less than that.

It was as if he wanted his entire body to be framed by my presence itself, so enamoured with me it hurt to witness.

A thumb gently pushed at his lips until his jaw opened slightly, sharp canine revealed and glinting in the vermillion liquid I coated it with. The wound on my finger stung and yet I could care less, much too focused on the man in front of me, the one my heart beat for with all its stubborn might.

His pupils widened the moment my blood hit his tongue, the only answer he needed before he spurred into action.

The inferno inside me only burned brighter when he picked me up, not strained by my weight at all. And as he carried me away, tenderly placing me onto our shared bed, I understood what he meant by that pulling feeling. It laid beneath that raging fire, overshadowed by its sudden and unusual appearance.

Despite that, it remained firmly in its place, so tied to Chan’s presence that living without the man caused my heart to nearly stop beating.

As if he’d heard my heart skipping a beat he moved, so close I could feel the chill from every inch of his skin that covered his dead body. His lips ghosted over my heated skin as he trapped me beneath himself, trailing along the veins pulsing just beneath my skin, hidden to us, mere humans, yet oh so obvious to his kind. It had always fascinated me how he could see them so well, so easily, yet I had only gotten a chuckle and a teasing answer whenever I’d asked, hiding his secrets away from me.

This time that same question couldn’t even leave my lips as he devoted every little touch to me and only me, his reverence so strong I could hear their words even without a single sound.

Fangs grazed my neck and goosebumps covered my skin, a little kiss my comfort the moment he noticed it. Despite that he continued, gazing up at me one final time, allowing me to see those irresistible depths turn brighter; vermillion mixed with burgundy while the whites shifted, painting my sight with endless mismatched roses swaying in the wind.

The pull inside me strengthened and the flower fields were disturbed, gentle swaying now turning violent, yet never once harming me with a single thorn.

His lips kissed the side of my neck and the muscles hidden beneath jumped at the sudden contact, the gentle action broken by sharp pain and the feeling of loss. My hands encircled him and travelled into his divine bangs, only turning them messier with each audible gulp he took.

Never once did fear take root inside my chest, my lover’s actions so gentle they felt nothing less than a ritual of worship, of devotion, only meant for me to bear witness to.

And as the world started growing dark, vision wavering and hold turning weak, those lips I knew oh so well left my neck, leaving a tiny lick and a kiss before familiar eyes met mine. He hovered above me like that, hand going up to cup my cheek as I stared at him, at those wonderful rose fields, and his expression only turned more loving in return, if possible at all.

Those endlessly starving orbs were the last thing I saw before my eyes fluttered closed, unable to keep myself awake with the sudden wave of exhaustion that swept over me. I didn’t realise how much he’d drank, just how much he had truly taken in such a short amount of time, and yet I trusted him completely even on death’s door.

The taste of iron lingered on my tongue as something dripped into my mouth, fingers careful as they pushed my lips open forcefully. It dripped down my throat and my body automatically took it in, as if embracing a missing piece I didn’t even know was needed.

Chilled air hit the shell of my ear as Chan leaned closer, the liquid fusing with my soul itself and stirring awake something I had long lost.

“Wake up, love, the night’s only just begun.”

[ihatedtoadmit]

Damn, that MV...

[ihatedtoadmit]

T-thank you, Sona dear.

Art study

pairing: Bang Chan x gn! reader

genre: ...suggestive

warnings: nothing actually happens, so none besides teasing

word count: ~1.3k

summary: You're doing an art study on muscles, and who's a better candidate for reference than your wonderful boyfriend who keeps feeding his delulu fanbase with half-naked pictures?

a/n: Well well well, Nat, you don't have to pay to see me write something like this after all (if you will ever see this, because no chance am I tagging you or anyone, dear). Here, have fun, this is the most spice anyone can get out of my asexual ass.

↳ Main Masterlist

All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!

You were a very reserved person, something your partner knew all too well. Every touch the two of you shared throughout the entirety of your relationship had no heat behind it, each one only fueled by pure adoration and love. Never once did a kiss turn hungry, hell, there had barely been any kisses the two of you had shared due to your lack of need for the action. Chan knew it all too well, and while he craved more, he also respected it. The last thing he wanted to do was to make you uncomfortable, and so he’d never stepped over that line.

That was the exact reason for his current shyness, the confusion that wanted to sit onto his face hard to mask. There he stood in your doorway, the desk before your hunched form cluttered with pencils and little crumbs of dirty erasers. You were entirely too focused on the task at hand to notice your boyfriend's presence, the song that flowed through your headphones much too loud to hear any footsteps or even words. And so you continued drawing, clueless about anything as your lover watched you work, eyes flitting between your sketch and the endless reference pictures on your screen.

Pictures about him, his back fully on display and unclothed.

A touch broke you out of your concentration as you erased a line for the fourth time, scaring you into throwing away the pencil in your clutches just so you could tear the headphones off your head.

“Interesting art you have there, love.” - Chan mused, yet his skin was as flushed as ever.

You joined him as you could feel your own skin heating up, ashamed that you’d been caught like this. Eyes looked at everything besides your boyfriend, yet you found comfort in that warm touch of his.

“I was just… doing a study, on muscles.” - the words were but a mere whisper, hand quickly reaching to minimise your browser and just hide it from a certain pair of prying eyes.

Still, there was a feeling clawing at the cage of your soul, ripping at the flesh to be let out and rampage freely. It was feral and vicious, planting a thought into your head that seemed impossible to get out, no matter how alien it felt. You could feel your breath hitch at the image that popped into your head, memories of the images you had been staring at for a while now overlapping.

The hand on your shoulder gently squeezed, breaking you out of your derailing thoughts.

“I don't mind, baby, it just… caught me off guard? Glad you enjoyed my performances though.” - Chan’s voice was light, mixing well with the shyness he was trying to hide.

It only urged that fierceness inside to break free, granting you a surge of confidence you would have never had otherwise.

Without any words you finally glanced up at the man you loved, finding him utterly handsome; you would hone your artistic skills for the rest of your life just to capture a fragment of that beauty. His skin was dusted with a faint red, ears painted by the deepest of shades. Those eyes you loved to get lost in were alight with an emotion you had seen them only hold whenever he looked at the boys, and it took your breath away within a heartbeat.

Your body moved on its own, towering over him as you now stood. His hair was still slightly wet from the shower he must have just taken, and you just knew he had been originally on his way to his room to swap his bathrobe for those comfy, black clothes he loved to don in his free time.

He searched your gaze, unsure, yet trusting. His hands comfortably placed themselves onto your hips; their touch was warm, the man before you always running hot. It was something you loved as he balanced out your always cold hands wonderfully, reaching the perfect temperature you both enjoyed.

“Hey, love. How was work today?” - you asked, leaning closer than usual as you swiped those dark curls out of Chan’s face. He leaned into your touch, eyes closing for a second as he thought about his answer.

“The usual, although Hyunjin managed to piss off Minho again. It was a shoe this time that was the weapon, by the way.” - there was an airiness of joy to his words, yet no laugh accompanied it.

No, Chan was entirely too enamoured with the look you were giving him, as if you were worshipping him with your eyes alone. And maybe you were. With each look you studied the way your lover's skin moved, the shadows conforming accordingly. It lured you in, as if Chan was the siren and you were his prey, fated to be drowned in the vast oceans and seas.

He didn't move as you took him all in, hands eventually unable to keep themselves away. Your fingers were cold against the warmth of his fair skin, and you could hear his breath hitch, the muscles inside his neck moving beautifully.

There was something different in your touch, that much he knew, yet he wouldn't have it any other way.

As if you had never seen anything like it before, your hands glided over any free expanse of skin you could reach, memorising how the muscles hidden beneath curved and jumped at your touch. Never once did your eyes stray, wanting to remember every little detail. You wanted your art to be perfect, after all, to represent the real thing as closely as possible and that meant every little detail in their complete glory.

Your eyebrows furrowed as the white robe blocked you off, and so you slightly slid it off from one of Chan's shoulders. His hold on you tightened and you glanced at him briefly, seeing an intensity burning in those dark eyes, one you had never seen before.

You were playing with fire, and you could feel the heat of the danger.

Despite the clear wanting signs, you ignored them much like Icarus, hands now gliding down your lover's arm. Each touch held meaning, praising him in silence, singing odes about this man’s beauty. There was something so intriguing about watching the muscles connect to skin and bone, oh so perfectly toned and reacting to every touch of yours.

You stepped even closer, breaths mingling together as you reached into his robe, mapping out the vast skin of your partner's back. Every dip, every rise and imperfection was noted inside your head, the scorching star in Chan's eyes only growing in intensity as time passed. Your eyes flitted between those deadly stars and his neck, seeing it strain, muscles so tight that they jumped out of the skin in that lovely V-shape you could never grow bored of.

Then, as if something snapped, he gripped your waist with incredible force, not giving you a chance to escape. Despite that, no fear took residence inside you, your now warm fingers still laid peacefully on his shoulders.

“And what do I owe this extremely special moment to, baby?” - his words were a deep rumble, eyes begging for an answer with desperation.

��For being the most beautiful human to grace this planet, my wonderful love. Be my muse, please. Let me draw you, let me study you.” - you answered, one hand now cupping Chan's cheek tenderly, despite the uniquely heated situation.

As if that was the magic word to undo his binding, your lover moved, hauling your taller form easily onto the bed with him. There you were now, sat on his lap as he looked up at you expectantly, the intensity and love never diminishing in those bright eyes of his. Your sketchbook was still sitting beside you on the bed where you had originally thrown it at, hands itching to take it and immortalise what you had engraved into your mind in the past few minutes.

“I'll be your muse whenever, baby. All you needed to do was ask.”

[ihatedtoadmit]

I just thought you've forgotten about this blog of mine, with my hiatus and all. Let me dream, damn it OTL

Technically this wasn't fully Railway's fault, as this has been cooking inside my head for like a year now. It just accumulated (Wolfgang Chan was a big perpetrator btw, of course) and Railway was just the final straw.

Art study

pairing: Bang Chan x gn! reader

genre: ...suggestive

warnings: nothing actually happens, so none besides teasing

word count: ~1.3k

summary: You're doing an art study on muscles, and who's a better candidate for reference than your wonderful boyfriend who keeps feeding his delulu fanbase with half-naked pictures?

a/n: Well well well, Nat, you don't have to pay to see me write something like this after all (if you will ever see this, because no chance am I tagging you or anyone, dear). Here, have fun, this is the most spice anyone can get out of my asexual ass.

↳ Main Masterlist

All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!

You were a very reserved person, something your partner knew all too well. Every touch the two of you shared throughout the entirety of your relationship had no heat behind it, each one only fueled by pure adoration and love. Never once did a kiss turn hungry, hell, there had barely been any kisses the two of you had shared due to your lack of need for the action. Chan knew it all too well, and while he craved more, he also respected it. The last thing he wanted to do was to make you uncomfortable, and so he’d never stepped over that line.

That was the exact reason for his current shyness, the confusion that wanted to sit onto his face hard to mask. There he stood in your doorway, the desk before your hunched form cluttered with pencils and little crumbs of dirty erasers. You were entirely too focused on the task at hand to notice your boyfriend's presence, the song that flowed through your headphones much too loud to hear any footsteps or even words. And so you continued drawing, clueless about anything as your lover watched you work, eyes flitting between your sketch and the endless reference pictures on your screen.

Pictures about him, his back fully on display and unclothed.

A touch broke you out of your concentration as you erased a line for the fourth time, scaring you into throwing away the pencil in your clutches just so you could tear the headphones off your head.

“Interesting art you have there, love.” - Chan mused, yet his skin was as flushed as ever.

You joined him as you could feel your own skin heating up, ashamed that you’d been caught like this. Eyes looked at everything besides your boyfriend, yet you found comfort in that warm touch of his.

“I was just… doing a study, on muscles.” - the words were but a mere whisper, hand quickly reaching to minimise your browser and just hide it from a certain pair of prying eyes.

Still, there was a feeling clawing at the cage of your soul, ripping at the flesh to be let out and rampage freely. It was feral and vicious, planting a thought into your head that seemed impossible to get out, no matter how alien it felt. You could feel your breath hitch at the image that popped into your head, memories of the images you had been staring at for a while now overlapping.

The hand on your shoulder gently squeezed, breaking you out of your derailing thoughts.

“I don't mind, baby, it just… caught me off guard? Glad you enjoyed my performances though.” - Chan’s voice was light, mixing well with the shyness he was trying to hide.

It only urged that fierceness inside to break free, granting you a surge of confidence you would have never had otherwise.

Without any words you finally glanced up at the man you loved, finding him utterly handsome; you would hone your artistic skills for the rest of your life just to capture a fragment of that beauty. His skin was dusted with a faint red, ears painted by the deepest of shades. Those eyes you loved to get lost in were alight with an emotion you had seen them only hold whenever he looked at the boys, and it took your breath away within a heartbeat.

Your body moved on its own, towering over him as you now stood. His hair was still slightly wet from the shower he must have just taken, and you just knew he had been originally on his way to his room to swap his bathrobe for those comfy, black clothes he loved to don in his free time.

He searched your gaze, unsure, yet trusting. His hands comfortably placed themselves onto your hips; their touch was warm, the man before you always running hot. It was something you loved as he balanced out your always cold hands wonderfully, reaching the perfect temperature you both enjoyed.

“Hey, love. How was work today?” - you asked, leaning closer than usual as you swiped those dark curls out of Chan’s face. He leaned into your touch, eyes closing for a second as he thought about his answer.

“The usual, although Hyunjin managed to piss off Minho again. It was a shoe this time that was the weapon, by the way.” - there was an airiness of joy to his words, yet no laugh accompanied it.

No, Chan was entirely too enamoured with the look you were giving him, as if you were worshipping him with your eyes alone. And maybe you were. With each look you studied the way your lover's skin moved, the shadows conforming accordingly. It lured you in, as if Chan was the siren and you were his prey, fated to be drowned in the vast oceans and seas.

He didn't move as you took him all in, hands eventually unable to keep themselves away. Your fingers were cold against the warmth of his fair skin, and you could hear his breath hitch, the muscles inside his neck moving beautifully.

There was something different in your touch, that much he knew, yet he wouldn't have it any other way.

As if you had never seen anything like it before, your hands glided over any free expanse of skin you could reach, memorising how the muscles hidden beneath curved and jumped at your touch. Never once did your eyes stray, wanting to remember every little detail. You wanted your art to be perfect, after all, to represent the real thing as closely as possible and that meant every little detail in their complete glory.

Your eyebrows furrowed as the white robe blocked you off, and so you slightly slid it off from one of Chan's shoulders. His hold on you tightened and you glanced at him briefly, seeing an intensity burning in those dark eyes, one you had never seen before.

You were playing with fire, and you could feel the heat of the danger.

Despite the clear wanting signs, you ignored them much like Icarus, hands now gliding down your lover's arm. Each touch held meaning, praising him in silence, singing odes about this man’s beauty. There was something so intriguing about watching the muscles connect to skin and bone, oh so perfectly toned and reacting to every touch of yours.

You stepped even closer, breaths mingling together as you reached into his robe, mapping out the vast skin of your partner's back. Every dip, every rise and imperfection was noted inside your head, the scorching star in Chan's eyes only growing in intensity as time passed. Your eyes flitted between those deadly stars and his neck, seeing it strain, muscles so tight that they jumped out of the skin in that lovely V-shape you could never grow bored of.

Then, as if something snapped, he gripped your waist with incredible force, not giving you a chance to escape. Despite that, no fear took residence inside you, your now warm fingers still laid peacefully on his shoulders.

“And what do I owe this extremely special moment to, baby?” - his words were a deep rumble, eyes begging for an answer with desperation.

“For being the most beautiful human to grace this planet, my wonderful love. Be my muse, please. Let me draw you, let me study you.” - you answered, one hand now cupping Chan's cheek tenderly, despite the uniquely heated situation.

As if that was the magic word to undo his binding, your lover moved, hauling your taller form easily onto the bed with him. There you were now, sat on his lap as he looked up at you expectantly, the intensity and love never diminishing in those bright eyes of his. Your sketchbook was still sitting beside you on the bed where you had originally thrown it at, hands itching to take it and immortalise what you had engraved into your mind in the past few minutes.

“I'll be your muse whenever, baby. All you needed to do was ask.”

[ihatedtoadmit]

Art study

pairing: Bang Chan x gn! reader

genre: ...suggestive

warnings: nothing actually happens, so none besides teasing

word count: ~1.3k

summary: You're doing an art study on muscles, and who's a better candidate for reference than your wonderful boyfriend who keeps feeding his delulu fanbase with half-naked pictures?

a/n: Well well well, Nat, you don't have to pay to see me write something like this after all (if you will ever see this, because no chance am I tagging you or anyone, dear). Here, have fun, this is the most spice anyone can get out of my asexual ass.

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All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!

You were a very reserved person, something your partner knew all too well. Every touch the two of you shared throughout the entirety of your relationship had no heat behind it, each one only fueled by pure adoration and love. Never once did a kiss turn hungry, hell, there had barely been any kisses the two of you had shared due to your lack of need for the action. Chan knew it all too well, and while he craved more, he also respected it. The last thing he wanted to do was to make you uncomfortable, and so he’d never stepped over that line.

That was the exact reason for his current shyness, the confusion that wanted to sit onto his face hard to mask. There he stood in your doorway, the desk before your hunched form cluttered with pencils and little crumbs of dirty erasers. You were entirely too focused on the task at hand to notice your boyfriend's presence, the song that flowed through your headphones much too loud to hear any footsteps or even words. And so you continued drawing, clueless about anything as your lover watched you work, eyes flitting between your sketch and the endless reference pictures on your screen.

Pictures about him, his back fully on display and unclothed.

A touch broke you out of your concentration as you erased a line for the fourth time, scaring you into throwing away the pencil in your clutches just so you could tear the headphones off your head.

“Interesting art you have there, love.” - Chan mused, yet his skin was as flushed as ever.

You joined him as you could feel your own skin heating up, ashamed that you’d been caught like this. Eyes looked at everything besides your boyfriend, yet you found comfort in that warm touch of his.

“I was just… doing a study, on muscles.” - the words were but a mere whisper, hand quickly reaching to minimise your browser and just hide it from a certain pair of prying eyes.

Still, there was a feeling clawing at the cage of your soul, ripping at the flesh to be let out and rampage freely. It was feral and vicious, planting a thought into your head that seemed impossible to get out, no matter how alien it felt. You could feel your breath hitch at the image that popped into your head, memories of the images you had been staring at for a while now overlapping.

The hand on your shoulder gently squeezed, breaking you out of your derailing thoughts.

“I don't mind, baby, it just… caught me off guard? Glad you enjoyed my performances though.” - Chan’s voice was light, mixing well with the shyness he was trying to hide.

It only urged that fierceness inside to break free, granting you a surge of confidence you would have never had otherwise.

Without any words you finally glanced up at the man you loved, finding him utterly handsome; you would hone your artistic skills for the rest of your life just to capture a fragment of that beauty. His skin was dusted with a faint red, ears painted by the deepest of shades. Those eyes you loved to get lost in were alight with an emotion you had seen them only hold whenever he looked at the boys, and it took your breath away within a heartbeat.

Your body moved on its own, towering over him as you now stood. His hair was still slightly wet from the shower he must have just taken, and you just knew he had been originally on his way to his room to swap his bathrobe for those comfy, black clothes he loved to don in his free time.

He searched your gaze, unsure, yet trusting. His hands comfortably placed themselves onto your hips; their touch was warm, the man before you always running hot. It was something you loved as he balanced out your always cold hands wonderfully, reaching the perfect temperature you both enjoyed.

“Hey, love. How was work today?” - you asked, leaning closer than usual as you swiped those dark curls out of Chan’s face. He leaned into your touch, eyes closing for a second as he thought about his answer.

“The usual, although Hyunjin managed to piss off Minho again. It was a shoe this time that was the weapon, by the way.” - there was an airiness of joy to his words, yet no laugh accompanied it.

No, Chan was entirely too enamoured with the look you were giving him, as if you were worshipping him with your eyes alone. And maybe you were. With each look you studied the way your lover's skin moved, the shadows conforming accordingly. It lured you in, as if Chan was the siren and you were his prey, fated to be drowned in the vast oceans and seas.

He didn't move as you took him all in, hands eventually unable to keep themselves away. Your fingers were cold against the warmth of his fair skin, and you could hear his breath hitch, the muscles inside his neck moving beautifully.

There was something different in your touch, that much he knew, yet he wouldn't have it any other way.

As if you had never seen anything like it before, your hands glided over any free expanse of skin you could reach, memorising how the muscles hidden beneath curved and jumped at your touch. Never once did your eyes stray, wanting to remember every little detail. You wanted your art to be perfect, after all, to represent the real thing as closely as possible and that meant every little detail in their complete glory.

Your eyebrows furrowed as the white robe blocked you off, and so you slightly slid it off from one of Chan's shoulders. His hold on you tightened and you glanced at him briefly, seeing an intensity burning in those dark eyes, one you had never seen before.

You were playing with fire, and you could feel the heat of the danger.

Despite the clear wanting signs, you ignored them much like Icarus, hands now gliding down your lover's arm. Each touch held meaning, praising him in silence, singing odes about this man’s beauty. There was something so intriguing about watching the muscles connect to skin and bone, oh so perfectly toned and reacting to every touch of yours.

You stepped even closer, breaths mingling together as you reached into his robe, mapping out the vast skin of your partner's back. Every dip, every rise and imperfection was noted inside your head, the scorching star in Chan's eyes only growing in intensity as time passed. Your eyes flitted between those deadly stars and his neck, seeing it strain, muscles so tight that they jumped out of the skin in that lovely V-shape you could never grow bored of.

Then, as if something snapped, he gripped your waist with incredible force, not giving you a chance to escape. Despite that, no fear took residence inside you, your now warm fingers still laid peacefully on his shoulders.

“And what do I owe this extremely special moment to, baby?” - his words were a deep rumble, eyes begging for an answer with desperation.

“For being the most beautiful human to grace this planet, my wonderful love. Be my muse, please. Let me draw you, let me study you.” - you answered, one hand now cupping Chan's cheek tenderly, despite the uniquely heated situation.

As if that was the magic word to undo his binding, your lover moved, hauling your taller form easily onto the bed with him. There you were now, sat on his lap as he looked up at you expectantly, the intensity and love never diminishing in those bright eyes of his. Your sketchbook was still sitting beside you on the bed where you had originally thrown it at, hands itching to take it and immortalise what you had engraved into your mind in the past few minutes.

“I'll be your muse whenever, baby. All you needed to do was ask.”

[ihatedtoadmit]

Zehina & Nat ramble - Hyune 2🖤

Somehow, by all miracles, you would be the only one able to convince him to try the food that he despises. Yes, eggplant included. Given, it would still take a lot of convincing on your part, but you’d win eventually, and sometimes his face doesn’t twist into disgust, a surprised expression taking over its place. You always get the biggest of smiles then, a happy little dance taking over your body. But you cannot help yourself, happy that your boyfriend found another food he could eat and even enjoy.

It's been years but you still can't get over the sad little face he pulls whenever he takes a bite of his current food. In the beginning you loved teasing him for it until you realized he's not doing it on purpose. That only made it more loveable and adorable in your eyes and you'd never get tired of the sight. Sometimes when he wasn't looking you quickly took a picture or a short video for you to save that moment forever.

do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works in any way here or on other platforms. ©️writingforstraykids 2024 -

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[ihatedtoadmit]

Violet-coloured lenses

pairing: Bang Chan x male!reader

genre: angst, fluff(?)

warnings: gore, mention of suicide

word count: ~3.5k

summary: Chan hides his feelings and he couldn't regret that decision any more.

a/n: This is a bit different, you'll see in what ways. Hopefully it doesn't confuse you guys.

A Guide to the AU, in case you are unfamiliar with it (it does spoil the surprise though).

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All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, not at all.

We were supposed to just meet up for a friendly lil café date, all to help him wind down after a long day at work. He’d said he was tired, but needed some advice on some projects and I just couldn’t say no. Our chats where we’d agreed on where to meet were colourful and energetic, full of our usual friendly banter and memes. I was made fun of, of course I was, unable to escape being called old even outside of my lively group. Yet, I didn’t mind it, enjoying the soft tingling nestling inside my chest way too much for me to put a stop to it. Besides, he just looked too happy as he teased me and my heart always ached at the mere thought of being the reason for the disappearance of his smile. 

Every little laughter of his caused my skin to tingle, the breath stilling inside my lungs and deciding to take residency in there forever. Each touch and brush of our skin only caused my feelings to bloom, as if that was even possible at that point. That was the effect he had on me, being the sole reason for the colours to appear in this bleak world, for music to sound wonderful and hold meaning.

But I didn’t mind any of those, truly I didn’t. Not his teasing, not how he called me his friend, none of them.

My only regret was staying silent, now forced to watch his once bright face be still and pale, only the constant beeping sound providing me some form of mocking solace.

Why couldn’t I just say those simple words out loud at last? 

It had all been planned out, our shared friends having helped me cook up a foolproof plan. But it wasn’t enough, me being the biggest fool of them all, ultimately forcing me to now sit beside his still form in an all too white room.

The moment I’d showed up to the birthday party, looking all sharp and neat -Changbin had made sure of that-, I just simply couldn’t do anything. The breath had stilled in my lungs as my palms had grown sweaty, and a small tremor had run through the entirety of my body as I no doubt looked like a man-turned-stone.

But how could I not?

The one I had grown so fond of over the course of a few months had looked absolutely breathtaking in those casual clothes of his, a soft smile decorating his rosy lips perfectly. There was a twinkle residing in those dark orbs, as if they were hiding something that resided deep inside, but I couldn’t make sense of it. I was much too enamoured as a quiet chuckle had left him, amused by whatever Jisung had said.

The urge to gulp became impossible to ignore much too soon, that itching feeling clawing at the back of my throat fiercely once more.

And as the day had gone by, my eyes glued to that one person only, that itching feeling had only grown into a suffocating urge to cough. It had been getting bad lately, petals only increasing in number. And I’d known if I had continued like this, that hidden affection would have been the cause for my own death.

Those thoughts caused me to let out a broken laugh as I sat beside his unmoving form, the situation much too ironic for me to not do so.

Because all of those words turned out to be true. My drowning love would lead me to my own demise, with me being much too stubborn to give it up even in such a dire situation. And worst of all, I was completely aware of that, much to everyone else’s demise.

Instead of confessing to the one my heart beat for, to the man these rooted feelings had blossomed for, I’d instead spent that night hunched over the toilet in my own residence, much too sick to stay at the party anymore, where he was at. Every single glance I’d stolen of him scorched me, just like how each spoken syllable directed at me caused my chest to constrict painfully, the roots squeezing the walls of my lungs together viciously.

I hadn’t been able to keep pretending to be his friend anymore that night, the action much too painful for me to bear any longer.

How I wish I had held out just a bit longer, until the words spilled out of my mouth in a flurry of violet petals as gentle as he was.

“Hey, Chan. How’re things going?” - Felix’s voice broke me out of my dark thoughts, granting me just a second to stop blaming myself for what had happened. “Stable, I guess. He’s breathing, but there are no signs of him waking up yet. Not a single one…” - the words that had left my mouth sounded utterly broken, a surprise Felix heard them at all.

He silently shuffled next to me after having placed a grocery bag on the nightstand, his hand squeezing my shoulder reassuringly. It was as if he was trying to glue my shattered pieces back together, no matter how bleak it all looked. That was the thing with Felix. He never gave up and stayed by our side, my side, even though I’ve been glued to this uncomfortable plastic chair for the past 8 days relentlessly, refusing to let sleep claim me in case anything were to happen.

Anything at all, just, please.

“It’ll be okay, mate, trust me on this one. He’s never been one to give things up easily, have some trust in him. He’ll come back to us, to you.” - he whispered back after a beat of silence, and something in those words just broke me inside. “...if what you say is true, he wouldn’t be lying in a hospital bed, having overdosed on meds just to try and take his own life.” “I know, but–” “Lix, his life was apparently so miserable he’d turned to this desperate ‘solution’! We didn’t notice anything, nothing at all! He smiled the same, he laughed the same, he behaved the same. Like a perfect mask. And we, we weren’t able to notice it was there in the first place. We couldn’t help him… I couldn’t help him.” - with each sentence my lungs burned, the air between us cooling down as I silently wheezed there, hand nearly tearing my remaining hair out. “Hyung…” “Don’t hyung me, Lix. You know I’m right. Maybe if I’d confessed that day he wouldn’t be here now. I wouldn’t be here now, dying due to my own stupidity.”

The room became completely silent after that, only the constant beeping and my own raspy breaths filled the air. The hold on my shoulder turned tight, desperate, and I could only lower my head in shame. It wasn’t enough that I could have prevented this entire hospital visit, no, now I had to lash out at Felix who was only here to help. Because without his help, his constant and relentless support, I wouldn’t be here anymore. I was sure of it.

What a hyung I am…

That hold on my shoulder suddenly disappeared, only for my collar to be grabbed and tugged at, the chair loudly falling to the ground as I was harshly ripped out of it. Our eyes were on the same level now, his hold on my shirt so strong the fabric nearly tore in half.

There were tears in Felix’s eyes, even though he looked the angriest I had seen him in a good while.

“Listen here Chan hyung and listen well. I don’t care how you spend each day here, how I need to get you food for you to survive and literally shove it down your throat, but you stop blaming yourself for everything that happened right now! No, we don’t know if your confession would have helped, get that through your thick skull finally! It wasn’t your fault, okay? Because if we go by that logic, I’m also to blame, being his best friend and-...”

By the end the younger aussie’s voice had broken, his arms letting go of me as I just crumbled to the ground. I could only watch from below as crystal droplets had started cascading down his frail face, eyebags I had never noticed before only becoming more prominent. And that wasn’t the only thing that had finally registered in my selfish brain, far from it. The boy was merely a ghost of his former self, skin pale and clinging alarmingly close to his bones, as if he himself had refused to do the one thing he came to me every day for. His moves were different too, hesitant, as if he didn’t have enough energy to execute them properly.

How could I have been so blind before?

As Felix merely stood there, quiet sobs escaping his tiny form he had desperately tried to muffle behind his hands, something inside me snapped. Whatever it was, I had no clue, but there was now nothing more to hold me together, nor to stop the dams from breaking.

We both just sobbed there, unable to hold back those loud wails for seemingly eternity, emotions running much too high for any of us to stop.

Minutes must have passed before my breath stuttered, my entire throat feeling as if it was drenched in a sea of fire, its only purpose to drag me down into its dark depths and drown me there. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get any air into my lungs, the petals inside preventing it from happening. I could feel their soft surface clinging to the bloody walls of my organs, leaving no surface bare, like a roadblock on a busy driveway or a kaleidoscope of butterflies swarming to the sweetest of nectars. The world ceased to exist, only the suffocating urge to survive, to breathe, remained. I couldn’t feel anything, only the bitter taste of iron inside my mouth and the wet feeling as it dripped onto my hands amidst my desperate struggles to finally take a proper breath. It was impossible to tell what was happening anymore and soon my lungs gave up the near impossible fight, my body having lost its strength completely, unable to hold itself up anymore.

The last thing I remembered was the feeling of the small violets resting in my hands, bound together by that awfully deep shade of red.

READ FURTHER FOR HAPPY ENDING

-.-.-

I awoke to a deep pain that resided inside my skull, a groan escaping my dry lips as I was unable to hold it back. Even worse, harsh light assaulted my eyes the moment I’d opened them, causing a scowl to be etched deep into my face. I tried my best to block out the offensive brightness with my hands, but every move felt sluggish, as if I was underwater. It merely succeeded to confuse me, not a clue why I’d be in such a predicament.

Once I opened my eyes I only grew more alarmed, that familiar beeping now finally registering in my brain, its sped-up version heard crystal clear in my head at last.

Why was I in a hospital room?

Looking around didn’t help me at all, as the room was bare, save for a sleeping Minho by my side. His chin was tucked into his chest as he silently slept there, hands crossed and brows deeply furrowed. And as my eyes carefully roamed over his resting form, dread sat heavily into my stomach.

He looked just as bad as Felix did.

Minho might not have been as close to the one my heart blossomed for as Felix or Jisung was, but that didn’t mean this entire situation had no effect on him. Especially with how stubborn I’d been lately, the team’s supposed leader and the one they could turn to for advice.

I remember to this day how he’d stormed into the hospital room, distress clear on his face as he’d looked at me, Felix hot on his heels and out of breath. That was the day Minho’d learnt about my situation, the disease that ran inside my veins and slowly poisoned every inch of my lungs, my throat, in a morbidly beautiful way. The look he’d had in his eyes had nearly killed me, those glistening chocolate orbs wide with fear.

Fear of losing me, his only hyung.

It wasn’t rare for us to argue, especially me and Minho. There was a certain level of trust between us, the two oldest that made it easier to understand the other. But that day, he had raised his voice against me, demanding that I take the surgery and have those deadly flowers cut out.

And what have I done in return?

I argued back, as he’d never be able to understand my feelings. How would I ever be able to live without love in my life, without all those memories of the one I adored? I just couldn’t.

It had taken Felix for us to quiet down, my eyes unable to find Minho’s as his long hair had covered them. And so I had turned away, done with the conversation, when the quietest voice I had ever heard from him reached my ears. I had only believed that it had come from him because I had seen his lips moving, desperation clear in his entire body.

Minho had begged me to have the surgery.

Minho wasn’t a man who begged for anything. He was always strong, determined, ready with a plan to get what he wanted easily. But to see him in that state… I’d considered his request, even if only for a heartbeat or two. That, I couldn’t deny.

Despite all that, how intensely we had argued, he sat there in the corner of the room now, asleep as he no doubt stayed by my side for much too long. I couldn’t help but smile at that, warmth filling up my body.

Although that wasn’t the only thing that I’d felt, a vicious cough ripping itself out of my lungs as I heaved there, barely able to sit up and lean to the side to at least try and get into a more comfortable position. With each cough I could feel something tearing out of the tissue residing deep inside, petals and leaves freeing themselves first and being the messengers of its presence.

I had nearly given up when it had finally freed itself, a handful of violets now laying in my blood-covered hands, looking up at me with their splotches of colours.

“Good job Hyung, let me clean you up.”

I didn’t even notice Minho had been by my side this whole time, his warm hand leaving my back as he took the soiled flowers from my hands without hesitation, depositing them into a nearby bin. He was fast in cleaning his own hands before grabbing some wet wipes, motions gentle as he cleaned my hands silently.

When he turned my head up to clean the vermillion droplets residing on my chin, I could see how utterly defeated he looked. It was as if he had accepted the fate I had chosen, forced to witness my downfall as he could do nothing about it except watch from beside me.

It made my chest constrict painfully, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Just as I was about to reach out towards him, the door to my room bursted open violently, a distraught Felix standing there. He was panting hard, no word able to escape his exhausted form and we could only exchange a worried, yet confused glance with Minho at that.

What could have been so urgent?

Our silent question was answered soon enough, the words I was desperately hoping to hear finally hitting my ears and making me second-guess myself. Was I truly so far gone that I’d hallucinated it? Wouldn’t have been the first time after all, my wishes chasing me into brief nightmares even in my sleepless hours.

“He’s awake.” - Felix repeated himself, eyes solely on me and my frozen form.

It took me that second confirmation to realise I wasn’t hallucinating this time, my body springing into action. Minho wasn’t fast enough to catch me, my hands having already torn out the IV and other, different machines that were attached to my skin. I didn’t care about any of them, or how it stung to remain a few.

All that mattered was that he was awake, alive, and I could talk to him again.

Felix didn’t hesitate to scramble out of my way as I became a force to be reckoned with, unable to be stopped no matter what. Minho tried his best to try and do just that, or at least to slow me down, but I could care less about that at the moment.

It didn’t take long for me to find where he was, the door closed and waiting for me to open. Yet, as much power as I had so far, it all drained out of me at the thought of confronting him, of speaking the truth at last. It was as if my legs had rooted themselves into place, my entire body paralysed in fear.

All it took was Minho and Felix to gently push my back, silently beckoning me to finally take that step forward.

The door opened and there he sat in the bed, silently gazing out the window. He had lost some weight and his skin was now pale, yet he was still captivatingly beautiful in my tearful eyes.

My feet made a sound on the cold floor of the room as I made a few tentative steps. Our eyes met, those dark orbs I loved so much twinkling in delight and looking lively again, their glistening surface drawing me in. Tears carved their seemingly permanent way down my cheeks, my dimples coming out of their hiding places as I just stood there, taking it all in.

He moved before I could fully register it at all, his much taller, yet thinner form nearly knocking me down to the ground, were it not for the others. His hold on me was strong, desperate, as if he was trying to mould me into his own skin and I could only sob as he held me in his arms.

He was alive, his heart beating fast, his body warm and he was holding me tight, so, so tight I could feel my broken pieces being mended together.

As I just stood there, soaking in his warmth and sobbing into his chest, no doubt soaking his hospital gown, a quiet question hit my ears.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Channie?”

The sobs froze into my lungs, wet eyes now staring up at him as he drew me away so he could look at my face directly.

“Why didn’t you tell me you love me? That you were dying because of me?” - he asked once more, his voice so full of hurt I was ashamed of myself. “I-... I wanted to. But it was me who hurt myself, not you, never you! I’am dying due to my own stupidity.” - I replied, unable to meet his eyes.

His hands slid down from my shoulders, gently taking my own hands into their hold. It was as if he was handling something fragile, his touch featherlight and never too harsh. It made my skin tickle and flush, his care only causing my stomach to flip inside and turn on its own head.

“I never thought this would happen. That someone would have feelings towards me, of all people. So I’m sorry, so sorry that I never noticed. But… even if you won’t forgive me, can I hear it from you this time? That you love me?” - his question was equally gentle, his inability to see his own beauty cutting deep into my heart painfully.

I grasped his hands in return, determined to never let him go, even if only as friends. And with a deep breath, I answered his doubts.

“I love you. I love you so fiercely it nearly suffocates me, but I could care less. I’m in love with you, my dear butterfly.”

His eyes twinkled at my words, lips wobbling and glistening tears finally falling to the ground. I’d nearly feared he hated me so much my confession made him cry, but he spoke before I could, his hold on me tighter than ever.

“I love you too Chan. Please never doubt that, never again.”

I didn’t hesitate to hug him close immediately, the reality of his response not hitting me fully yet. Only after a minute did my brain register his words, a wide smile dancing on my lips as we sobbed in each other's holds, unwilling to let the other go.

I didn’t care how the others were now all there to witness us, hugging in tear-soaked hospital gowns. We were both happily in our own little world, inseparable from the other, soaking up each other’s presence and warmth we missed oh so much.

Taglist: @michelle4eve

[ihatedtoadmit]

Zehina & Nat ramble - Min 2🖤

He lets you close, even if you want to play with his hand or even his hair. Of course he does get occasionally affectionate with his bandmates, but you get to be that whenever you want, no conditions to it. If you plop yourself in his lap, he’ll just drape an arm around you and continue on with whatever he’s been doing before, no questions asked. He sometimes does tease you for being overly cuddly at such random times, but his actions betray how he enjoys it nevertheless.

You can tell when he had a bad day because that's when he gets cuddly. He'll come home and plant himself in your lap with a soft grunt, huffing until you ask him what's up. You'll gently fondle his hair or massage his thighs mindlessly after a stressful practice and listen to him ramble on about everything that's wrong. With you he feels like he can let go, his secrets and worries are safe and you won't judge him for it one bit. So yes, obviously you're the one he crawls to when he needs to be babied.

do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works in any way here or on other platforms. ©️writingforstraykids 2024 -

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[ihatedtoadmit]

A biteful memory [4]

pairing: OT8 x fem!reader

genre: werewolf AU, fluff, crack, bit of angst

warnings: Please read the 'Summary' of this series, all are listed there!

word count: ~3.8k

summary: You awoke to new sensations, but you couldn't care less when you had someone to scold.

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All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!

My consciousness drifted back to me, softness surrounding my blind form. I could feel the strong scent of vanilla and strawberry even through the slightest of inhales, the cinnamon that sat at the very top urging my eyes to slowly flutter open. The blurriness at the edges of my vision stayed for a few seconds, making me even more confused amidst these pastry-reminding scents.

I was in bed, back in a room. Not mine, that much was obvious, but it was familiar nonetheless.

Looking around with finally clear vision, I could immediately identify who it belonged to, the gamer setup more than just a small sign. Felix’s room smelled heavenly, as if I’d just walked into the bakery on my way to work on a chilly autumn day, the warm air of the shop caressing my flushed face pleasantly. Although the person in question wasn’t in the room himself, causing my eyebrows to only furrow further on my face.

Wanting to find him and ask what he had done to his room to smell like this - and so suddenly too -, and also to know what happened for my memories to be so hazy, I got out of bed, only to notice something when I’d bent my knees to clamber out of the restrictive hold of the blanket.

They didn’t hurt, nor pop, like an abused lightstick. Not a single sign of that usual pain appeared, the one deep inside the joint that slowly creeped over to my bones and marrow.

That was certainly a weird thing, since they were their usual cracking self just yesterday, at least to the best of my knowledge. I couldn’t help but crouch down a few times once I’d stood up fully, marvelling at the fact how easy and smooth the motion was. Not only that, but my hip and back didn’t pop once either, no matter in what way I was bending around. It was as if I had gotten a completely new body with the same looks, all repaired and free of any pain or illnesses.

I couldn’t help but ask myself: just what had happened last night?

As if my brain was awaiting that exact question, it provided me with the sought-after information, the edges of my lips pulling up more and more with each memory segment unlocked. The feeling of adrenaline rushing through my veins, the warmth encircling me, their burning gazes in the dark night. I couldn’t help the small chuckle that left my lips, my mood immediately turning giddy and elated, something that was rare for me. I was sure I had the look of a crazed witch with that overly wide smile on my lips, but I couldn’t afford to care.

Too happy to stop myself, I raced out of the door and down the stairs, hurrying towards the living room where the scents were the strongest. I couldn’t explain why, but my mind told me to follow those scents and go there, because that was where they all had to be. When I arrived there, heads turned my way, ready to say something, but I didn’t let them, I couldn’t. Not when I’d discovered something so great.

“Oh my god guys, look, look, my knees are not popping!”

A few seconds of awkward silence and fleeting glances passed between each other, all the while I was just crouching in the same place, waiting for some kind of reaction from them, they bursted into laughter, slightly shaking their heads in most probably disbelief. Sadly the joy that vigorously filled me wasn’t enough to fully mask my embarrassment, skin flushing in return.

“Of course you would say that first thing after being turned. Of course you would.” - Felix murmured out, walking towards me and taking me in his arms with a lopsided smile sitting on his face.

I let him, the same scent that lingered in his room now hitting me full force and making my mind halt. My body involuntarily took another sniff, caging him in my own arms as my head was getting filled with his scent. Yes, it had to be his, it suited him so well after all. How I hadn’t realised that before confused me, because what else could have been the truth? Sweet Felix deserved a sweet scent, it was as simple as that. I buried my head deeply into his neck, as if my life depended on it. It was something carnal inside of me that urged me to do so, and who was I to disagree with it.

“Damn, she even scented Felix. I’m kinda jealous.” - I could hear Hyunjin say, snapping me out of whatever trance I was consumed in.

I quickly took my head away from Felix’s neck, embarrassment creeping up my skin once more the more I’d realised what thoughts circled inside my head in the past few seconds. That weird urge was pushed into the back of my mind, rationality taking over its place and making me want to bury myself alive. But the boy in my hold didn’t seem to mind what had happened at all, no, he seemed to be the complete opposite, now rubbing his own face into my neck. My eyes couldn’t meet any of theirs, merely wishing for the earth to swallow me whole.

But I didn’t need to look at them, they did the work for me as several of them bounded over, taking Felix’s place and scenting me, apparently. Soft rumbling could be heard all over the room, surprising me as my own chest joined in on the cacophony of sounds. I let that carnal desire inside me free, just enough so that it amplified everyone’s elated rumbling as I scented them back, purely by instinct, no matter how weird it all felt to the rational part of my mind. Nothing made sense to me yet, but this seemed normal for them to do, so I just rolled with it, ignoring how much blood rushed to my cheeks and tainted my skin red.

After everyone was done and looked quite happy, I noticed something quite disturbing.

Someone was missing.

“Where is he?” - I asked, looking at the two cuddly wolves in my hold, Felix and Changbin.

Everyone exchanged glances with each other, causing me to roll my eyes and gently deposit the two onto the couch from my arms.

“Let me guess, he was feeling guilty for turning me. I swear to fucking GOD, I am going to choke him to death.” - I grumbled out as I went towards the coat hanger at the front door, quickly grabbing one of his hoodies.

Bringing it up to my nose and taking a deep inhale, my mind was filled with the strong scent of pine and rain. It suited him, but that was not what I needed to focus on at this particular moment. With a shake of my head I snapped myself back to the task at hand, urging my body to pick up his scent in the air. My eyes closed with a deep inhale, nose scrunching up as all the residing smell and scent in the house invaded my senses at once. I nearly recoiled, it was all so strong. Yet, as I held my head high up in the air, sifting through the scent of spices and warmth, I felt it.

Somber rain and wet soil painted the scene before my closed eyes, drowning in guilt and regret so heavily it nearly made me choke.

“You may be the big, scary alpha dog, but you cannot escape me, mister. We’re gonna talk this out, like it or not.”

With that, I threw the hoodie onto the couch as I passed by it, hurriedly approaching the glass doors that led towards the forest. The others shouted at me as I ran past them, but frankly, I didn’t really care, so I just ignored their voices and ran out the doors. Something inside of me was begging to be let out, to help me and run free. I gave into it, the oversized t-shirt and shorts tearing apart as my form grew fur and became tetrapodal. The anger and adrenaline helped drown out the pain of the sudden transformation, gifting me clarity.

Putting my nose up in the air, I was hit by everything at once for the second time. Nothing could prepare me for it, the smells turning into something entirely disgusting with a hint of familiarity so vile, a whine escaped my throat. The air felt heavy, weirdly alien, as if it was something new. I wanted to claw my face off, but I knew I couldn’t.

I had to find him, after all.

With stuttering lungs I powered through this new sensation and carefully peeled every single scent away, even as bile threatened to rise up my throat, until I could smell that pine and rain again.

He was deep in the forest, his scent even more tangy and sour. It made my chest stutter, self-hatred blooming inside my chest so intensely not mine it was frightening.

My legs moved before I could even issue them the order, my cushioned paws pushing me away from the ground with exhilarating force. I was in the forest in no time, weaving through the branches and leaves, jumping over holes and tree trunks. The wind caressed my long fur, luring me into its grasp as I only gained more and more speed with each passing second.

Everything felt so freeing, so new.

The ground underneath my paws as it crumbled away with each push, the snapping of the branches I grazed as I passed by. I could hear the rushing wind, the blood flowing through my veins with a booming force. But I couldn’t get lost in them, not when I knew what kind of thoughts were circling around in his head.

It didn’t take much longer for me to see his form, slumped on a fallen tree as his seat. He lightly flinched once he realised I was there, his form tense as he whipped his head over to my direction. Those dark eyes of his were wide with fear and disbelief, something that only added to the pain residing in my chest. He stood up hastily, causing me to panic, my bigger form sprinting with all of its force just to ensure he wouldn’t be able to escape.

Stopping… was not really in my plans, so I was forced to slide on the dirt and fallen leaves while bracing my paws on the ground, sliding past the male and almost into a tree, looney tunes style. Almost.

“What…what are you doing here?” - Chan’s voice was loud and filled with worry, but he stopped himself from approaching me.

I merely huffed as I turned around and walked towards his much, much smaller form, a not so happy rumble leaving my chest. Because his eyes were now refusing to meet mine, guilt so obviously eating away at him for nothing. Because what had happened to me was not his fault by any means, something apparently only I thought so. Even the others felt off, something that this new, untamed version of me could pick up on as well. I could merely huff and lay down in front of him, hoping he would understand what I wanted.

Yet, he just continued standing there with a now slightly confused expression. I gently pushed him towards my side with my head, not trusting myself just yet to hold his arm between my teeth. That would merely lead to disaster, one I was not ready to face just yet, thank you very much.

Gosh, not being able to speak was such a hassle.

“You…want me to climb on you?”

He sounded so in disbelief, I would have chuckled if I could have. Instead I lightly yapped, nodding my head and pushing him a bit again. The man reluctantly climbed on top of me, grabbing onto my fur for safety as there was nothing else he could hold onto.

It was a wise decision on his half as the moment I started sprinting without holding back, his hold on me tightened impossibly more, and I could have sworn I felt some of my hairs being torn out. But I didn’t mind, I had to speak with his stupid head that wrongly thought he had made a mistake as soon as I could. A few bald spots were a cheap price to pay for that.

When we arrived back at the house, everyone was already there, seemingly waiting for us. I trotted over once I had gradually slowed down, not wanting to slide on the ground like a clown, like I did before in front of Chan. I also didn’t want to accidentally launch the male sitting on my back. As I kept getting closer and closer to their house, there was something unusual I noticed: the boys’ height didn’t really change, no matter how close I’d gotten.

Why were they all so tiny?

Discarding every other plan I had before as this was too intriguing to not investigate, I leaned my head down to Jisung, who was closest to me. Giggles broke out of him as my comically large snout gently poked him a few times, his hands desperately trying to stop me as he placed them on my wet nose. I didn’t relent however, sniffing him and his overpowering fresh scent of salt and sun-kissed sand. He begged me to stop between broken syllables, my attention finally switching to the next person I could reach.

They were all so tiny, oh my god.

“Wah, what’s gotten into you?” - Seungmin giggled out, his hands trying to push my head away fruitlessly. “Is it our scents? It’s the first time she smelled it in her wolf form after all.” - Hyunjin added in, his own pair of hands buried into the dark fur covering my neck. “Hmmm, maybe, but I think it’s something else. I dunno what though.” - it was Jeongin this time, still recovering from when I tormented him. “I think she’s fascinated by the size differences.”

The voice belonged to Chan, urging everyone to look at him atop the figure on my back. I looked back at him as much as I could, my tail wagging -it was such a weird feeling- as I slightly nodded. I couldn’t help myself and go to the last person who I hadn’t pestered yet, his form so small and cute looking now.

“Yah, don’t even think about it!” - but Minho couldn’t stop me as I poked him with my snout, nearly pushing him over with the force I’d used.

The others gathered around us, our sight no doubt amusing. It wasn’t every day that you could see Minho wrestle around with someone and lose, and so easily at that. It was clear even before all this whole werewolf fiasco that Minho was Chan’s right hand man, often left to look after these unruly boys when Chan wasn’t home, his work calling him in with no prior notice. Yet, I couldn’t help myself as I trapped him under my form, careful not to crush him accidentally.

“You big baby, don’t get a big head just because your wolf form is the biggest in the pack.” - he scolded me playfully, making me nuzzle him with a low grumble.

Even though what he’d said fascinated me - i had never seen them in their wolf form after all -, I directed my gaze towards the male who was clambering down from my back, my fur granting him enough grip for him to do so safely. I watched him carefully, since I didn’t quite want him to run away now, after all I’d done to get him here.

“Don’t worry, I quite literally can’t run away from you now. You can stop with those sharp eyes now, pup.” - he huffed out with a laugh, crossing his arms as he looked at me, all his weight placed onto one leg. “Yea, Channie hyung might be fast, but currently you are the fastest, with you being in your wolf form and all. It would take too much time for him to transform, you would immediately be able to catch him.” - Felix commented excitedly, enjoying teasing his hyung a bit too much, who just glared at him playfully in return. “Even if he was transformed, have you seen the speed she took off with? Chan hyung has no fucking chance, sorry.” - Changbin added in, rubbing salt into the injury.

I watched as everyone joined in with the teasing and bickering, sitting in the same place with an increasingly annoyed Minho in my hold. Even though Chan obviously wasn’t fully himself just yet, everything else was back to normal, the atmosphere light and playful. Something I very much enjoyed, even if it got too loud sometimes.

“Hey, angel, you can transform back now you kno’.” - it was Felix, his voice breaking me out of my stupor.

Now, there was a slight problem with that, my eyes avoiding his own as I couldn’t help but huff out in frustration. Minho, who was still very much trapped in my hold, just had a smug grin on his face as he most probably figured out what was happening, his signature laughter ringing through the air.

I didn’t know how to change back to my human form.

“Do you… You don’t know how, do you?” - Felix asked after he chased after my gaze, forcing me to nod as a confirmation to his suspicion.

It didn’t take long for the others to join in with Minho, earning them a warning growl from my chest, embarrassed at the whole situation.

“It’s okay, nobody really knows how to do that at first. The more surprising thing is that you could transform so easily this soon.” - the cat in my hold explained, a hand pleasantly caressing the sea of fur on my neck. “Yea, exactly. You have all your wolf ears, legs, a tail. Nothing’s out of place, unlike a certain someone who transformed for the first time.” - Seungmin teased, his eyes looking at the poor person he was talking about. “Yah! If you’re going around revealing embarrassing secrets, then I guess you won’t mind if I tell her about your adorable lil how–” - Jisung didn’t have time to properly finish his sentence, yet he’d already revealed enough, no matter how strong Seungmin’s hold was on his neck.

Chaos ensued quite quickly after that, embarrassing secrets revealed left and right as the wrestling pair quickly grew into a smaller group. Limbs and hair were yanked left and right, teeth getting involved once or twice. Changbin went over to break up the fight, yet all it took was one sentence about him and his small frame even in wolf form to join in, causing Chan to sigh as he knew it would be his job alone to calm everyone down.

“I know this is all very confusing right now, but I hope you can accept us like this. I…”

I waited patiently for Minho to continue, his voice already so muted nobody but us could hear this one-sided conversation. But no matter how I waited for the rest of his words, none came, causing me to look down at him. His eyes glistened with an unknown emotion, a pitiful little smile resting on his lips once he felt me move. I’d never seen him like this, so strangely vulnerable.

A soft pat of his hand over my nose and the moment was gone, carried away by the soft spring wind.

“If you look into yourself, there should be a still foreign part of you there. One that’s restless. Focus on that, calm it down and you should be back to being your usual self again. Now let me go, I gotta help calm down those idiots.” - he explained, promptly leaving me to myself as soon as I lifted my head.

As vague as his instructions were, I tried my best to follow them, because they made sense, weirdly enough. That feral part of me, the one that yearned to run free in the wind and get lost in everyone’s scent was so clearly there and so clearly new, I understood now. It was my wolf, embodying everything I never could as a human.

Eyes closed and breathing levelled, darkness surrounded me. The sounds of bickering and playful shouting slowly got quieter and quieter, the sound of the surface of water being disturbed replacing it. It happened a few more times, as if someone was pacing in shallow water, never intending to rest. The presence itself felt restless, like a caged animal, yet it was free to roam in this damp darkness. Then, it suddenly stopped, water gently hitting my ankles.

I could feel its eyes staring me down, like a hunter looking at its prey.

A giant wolf stood before me, eyes nearly glowing like molten lava in the surrounding abyss. It felt hostile, yet not towards me. Something else was the target of its anger, of its frustrations, and I was the gate that could allow it to get to that.

The longer I looked into its eyes, the more I could understand it, yet no words were uttered between the two of us. An indescribable feeling of being trapped washed over me, something inside me wishing to break free and find the place it belonged to. The scent of strawberries popped into my head, the feeling inside me now much weaker and calmer.

‘Ah, you’re just like me then.’ - I thought, my hand lifted in the air.

The wolf gently laid its head into my touch, nuzzling into it, coming to the same conclusion. We were one and the same, merely two sides of the same coin. Our feelings and goals were all shared, even if we felt them to varying degrees.

The soft touch of fabric greeted me as I slowly came back to reality, the sight of the woods and the boys’ house greeting me once more. Although none of them could be seen, none except for Felix, who was draping a blanket over my slightly shivering form. When our eyes met his smile widened impossibly more, those cute lil freckles resting atop his cheeks stretching like an expanding nebula. His eyes were bright, shining with an emotion I couldn’t name, yet it drew me in all the same.

“You did well, angel. Now let’s get you inside, hm?” - his deep voice gently whispered, and I could only nod as I followed him inside, his warm hand never leaving my back.

Taglist: @meowmeeps @michelle4eve @marvelsmarauder @readr1221 @fr34k4c1dr41n @darling-imobsessed @kayleefriedchicken @3rachasninja

[ihatedtoadmit]

What is Hanahaki?

If you've stumbled across my blog and my works residing in it, there is a good chance you've seen one or two with weirdly specific flower motifs and death (maybe you even clicked on this from one of those fics). That is because they are set in a fictitious world where exists a disease called Hanahaki.

But what is it, and why does it appear?

Hanahaki is a disease that occurs inside someone who's feeling one-sided love. It doesn't matter if that love is actually requited, if the person believes that their love is one-sided, they have a chance of falling sick with Hanahaki. And when that happens, flowers will bloom inside their chest, slowly but surely killing the person from inside as the plant develops and matures. It all starts with just a few coughs, the tiniest bits of blood and maybe a petal or two. And as time goes on, those turn into full on flowers, even their stems fully coated in vermillion towards the end, restricting the airways and nearly suffocating their carrier. Usually these flowers represent who the person has fallen for, but not every time.

The only cure with no drawbacks for the disease is requited love. The only other option is surgery, which would get rid of the flowers rooting inside one's chest, but also the love and memory of who they had fallen in love with. This procedure quite literally makes you lose a part of yourself. In some people's case, the surgery goes well and they only lose a small part of themselves, of the person they loved once. In other cases, the person loses emotions other than their love for that certain someone. It is always a bargain, which is why so many choose to suffer with their disease and die with it. Because they left the world feeling, loving someone so dearly, instead of living for long, long years as a mere husk of their former selves.

These are the basics and what I write my Hanahaki AU fics based on. There are a multitude of interpretations of this AU, so please bear that in mind. I'm by no means an expert on this topic, I merely wrote this in hopes of helping people who got confused when reading my works. The works that aren't labeled as being set in a Hanahaki AU, because I wanted to retain a certain level of surprise as it is slowly being revealed in the story.

Thank you for reading, and if you have any other questions, I'll try to answer them to the best of my abilities.

[ihatedtoadmit]

Of course dear, I hope you'll like the rest of it as well in the future.

A biteful memory

Summary

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

...

Back to the main masterlist

[ihatedtoadmit]

I always forget that the Hanahaki AU isn't as widely known as I assume it to be, my apologies, @kayleefriedchicken dear. What Niki above me said is all true. Although I'll probably go and write a little summary of the AU, for anyone unfamiliar and confused when they click on my stories.

To answer your question in the comments and to clarify other confused readers (as I do very much like to write things vague): Minho started avoiding the Reader because he fell in love with them, wrongly assuming this feeling was one-sided. Reader was doing the exact same thing, leading to the disaster that happened in this fic. I can make a part 2 as a followup to this, to clarify things and see where their relationship leads, in case anyone is interested.

And thank you for liking my story! If you like Jisung too, you can check out 'Garden of regret' as well (if you haven't already, I didn't check). It's similar, although one with a much grimmer tone.

(Un)requited love

pairing: Lee Know x gn! reader

genre: angst, fluff (sprinkled in)

warnings: lack of communication, blood

word count: ~2.5k

summary: Emotions are your bane of existence, more than you'd think.

a/n: I know I said I'd post this sooner, but my mind was holding me prisoner. I apologise. Either way, I hope you enjoy this and the pictures I've chosen. I'm trying to make my fics prettier, so feedback is always welcomed. I also do have a general taglist, just write to me if you're interested. That's all, happy reading!

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All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!

It started out small, a nearly unnoticeable feeling budding inside my chest, rooting itself there as if to make sure I would never be able to get rid of it. But how could I, when the cause of it was so alluringly sweet, irresistible no matter what I’d done? When the mere sight of his sparkling eyes brought a small smile to my lips, when the cheerful sound of his laughter sounded like gentle bell chimes ringing in the wind? How would I ever be able to let these wilt, to let my world become grey and monotone?

It had taken me weeks to realise the effect he had on me, too late to do anything by then. His presence itself brought me joy, taking every chance I could to spend by his side as a silent spectator. I was content with watching him fool around with the others, nor did I mind being dragged into all kinds of silly adventures, his happiness my own one in and of itself. I never minded it, how he joked around with Hyunjin, or how he clung to Jisung, or the softness that lingered in his eyes whenever he looked at any of the boys he called family.

None of that mattered, not even the specially crafted closeness he shared with each member, carefully reserved for every single one of them. Something I couldn’t achieve, no matter how long I’d known him. There was always a certain gap between him and me, something I could feel and never leap over. Thus, we were only ever good friends, and nothing more.

I was truly fine with it all, until our nearly daily meetings turned into weekly, the chat log we shared turning silent and cold. It was as if that gap that had been placed between us grew in size, devouring everything and turning into a chasm of hopelessness. At first, I thought I could still patch it up, at the very least bring it back to its smaller size.

But I couldn’t.

With each passing day and with each ignored message, I could feel the roots expanding inside my chest, dangerously squeezing the organs together. It was as if tiny needles were wedged between each miniscule cell, agony coursing through my veins. And yet… I ignored and pushed the numbing feeling to the back of my mind. It was nothing after all, nothing of importance.

My phone buzzed, my tired legs taking me to the device from the bathroom quickly.

It was Chan.

The man had a heart made out of gold, becoming a good friend of mine over these short months. Even after Minho’d started to ignore me, Chan never failed to check in on me regularly, never missing a week. His gesture caused a bittersweet feeling to linger in my chest. It was as if he was sensing what was happening.

I quickly replied to his message, telling him I was fine. He didn’t hesitate to respond, although his next question caused me to do a double-take.

‘Are you free this friday?’ the message read, causing my eyes to furrow in deep thought. I had no plans for that day so far, yet the mere thought of meeting the person who’d been ghosting me left a bitter taste in my mouth. Minho never told me why he was acting cold so suddenly, leading my anxiety-filled brain down a rabbit hole of despair.

Despite all that, my fingers typed out an affirmative reply, as if they had a mind of their own. I could only watch Chan’s enthusiastic reply with an empty gaze, a heavy sigh leaving me after I’d locked my phone and gently threw it back onto my bed, plopping right next to it face down.

I was so tired.

Tired of these questions circling in my head, tired of this taste in my mouth, tired of life’s unfairness.

I was so tired of it all.

-.-.-

The days went by relatively quickly, Friday arriving at my doorstep at last. It wasn’t hard to choose what to wear for this little get-together as I’ve long grown comfortable with the presence of the idols, knowing fully well they didn’t mind if I wore simple clothes in their midst. Looking my image over one more time, I swiped at my lips, catching the last bit of that rosy colour and washing it down the drain. It would be fine, I kept telling myself, a deep breath rattling my ribcage like a trapped little bird.

The ride over to their place was quick and silent. The driver they’d sent over never really initiated any small talk. It was something I was usually grateful for, yet maybe this once it would have distracted my troubled thoughts for just a bit.

Having been at their place countless times now, my body automatically knew the directions it had to take, their door soon appearing in my vision. I could hear their loud voices from where I stood, yet their playful tone told me there was no argument between them, mere playful teasing.

Two gentle knocks broke the boisterous atmosphere, their voices quieting down before hasteful footsteps could be heard.

Felix opened the door for me, his bright smile only widening once he’d laid eyes on me.

“Hey, I missed you so much! I’m so glad you’re here, we were just discussing what to play!” - he excitedly rambled out, arms not even hesitating to tightly wrap themselves around me.

I replied back to him, a hand softly patting his hair as he buried his head into the crook of my neck. I let him stay there until he was satisfied, knowing fully well how much the idol loved skinship.

“Yah, Lixie, stop hogging my bestie!” - a familiar voice shouted from inside, soon followed by a few thuds before I was ripped out of Felix’s arms, now trapped in someone else’s hold. “I wasn’t doing that, what the fuck mate!” - Felix countered, yet it was as if the male who had me in his hold didn’t even hear him. “I missed you soooooo much. Now, let’s go to the others.” - Changbin muttered out, voice muffled by my clothes as he’d pressed himself impossibly close to me.

I didn’t even have a choice in the matter as he’d lifted me up, carrying me away to where I assumed the others were, all the while Felix was whining at how unfair it was to him. The rapper just scoffed and argued back, never loosening his hold on me. He only let go once we were in their living room – a small wave sent towards the other members – , gently plopping me down on the sofa. And then he proceeded to plant himself into my lap, something that only created a smaller argument as not only Felix, but a few others wanted to have me sit by them. Or on them. You get the point.

And as they were playfully arguing around me, I couldn’t help but erupt in laughter, the situation utterly ridiculous-looking.

“What? What’s so funny?” - Chan asked, who was also part of this laughable scene.

The others joined in with their own questions, only making me laugh harder and harder, to the point of nearly falling out of Changbin’s hold onto the floor.

“I think you should all just sit down onto your asses, before you kill our friend here with your stupid questions.” - Seungmin stated, earning a few not so kind comments in return.

Despite that, they did as they were told, settling down and letting me calm down as well.

It was utterly absurd, yet their actions helped calm my nerves and loosen my stiff form. They didn’t even know how much they were helping me, how they continued soothing my burning lungs and scratchy throat. I leaned into Changbin, letting him wind his arms around me, securing me in place as we all settled on what to play. They chose Mario Kart, because of course they had to play that again, despite having played that countless hours already with little to no change to the end results.

Hours went by, the atmosphere around us bright and joyous, but still…

There was one person missing this entire time, his presence not there to light up the place. I was stupidly afraid to ask where he was, not wishing to know the answer. Because why else would Minho not be here, other than to avoid me? Why else would he miss out on a relaxing time with his group when no one else was working, but to not see my face?

My lungs painfully squeezed together, each breath turning smaller and smaller, rattling so loudly in the damaged cavity that I was afraid the others would hear it. Each inhale of air was agonising, the roots painfully making their presence known, while each exhale nearly forced me to cough, the taste of iron and copper growing more and more obvious in my mouth.

It was growing more and more apparent that I had to hide away and fast, my hands slightly shaking as I pried away the ones that held me in place. At their questioning glances, I uttered out the goal of my hastiness, urging them to not pause the movie for my sake.

I didn’t wait around for their answer, long strides taking me towards their bathroom, the door closing behind me with an audible click. I tried to lock it as well, not wishing to risk them opening it on me amidst my suffering. Although the action was seemingly impossible, a cough clawing its way out of my throat, so violent I was forced to kneel in front of the porcelain bowl, pristine white now stained red.

With each poorly suppressed cough came more drops of the once beautiful colour, petals of pink joining it in a flurry of blushing colours. I didn’t have time to think about the possibilities, the what ifs in case the others had heard me. No, this time around the organism inside my chest was vicious, mercilessly ripping tissue apart with ease. I’d had half a mind to not loudly scream in pain, the inside of my chest and throat hurting and hurting and just hurting so much I couldn’t breathe. With a shaky hand I let go of the bowl – nearly slipping without the much needed support – , determined to get rid of the thing that was blocking the path of the much needed air.

A loud snap could be heard as I yanked at it, an entire stem dangling from my fingertips, all adorned with leaves and flowers. They were small, thankfully not one with thorns, yet they hurt only more.

I couldn’t help but scoff at the stained pink petals as I was heaving for air, quite ironic that they were causing me so much pain, when they symbolised quite the opposite. Or rather, the one who they represented wasn’t there to do so, leaving me to be miserable alone.

The soft call of my name could be heard in the room, shaking me out of my daze as I’d nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of his voice.

Wide, frightened eyes looked up at him, the door wide open with no sign of damage, only a smeared speck of blood near the lock. Our eyes met, his own mirroring my own, although his was tainted with horror. I could merely watch him stand there, chocolate-brown hair stuck to his glistening forehead, clothes clinging to him for dear life. His chest wasn’t moving though, frozen in fear, a feeling that was quick to seep into his whole being, along with mine.

Not even a blink could tear my attention away from him, eyes glued to his lips that opened and closed a few times, seemingly thinking about saying something. I awaited the obvious flurry of questions, the harsh words, the hurt, everything.

Yet, none of that came.

No, Minho merely approached me, actions slow and steady. It was as if he was nearing a wounded animal, the hold on my hand gentle as he pried the stained flower out of my clasp. I merely let him, too exhausted to move at all. Breathing took away all my remaining strength, the simple thought of shaking his hand off sounding too tiresome.

Thus, I watched his every move with rapt attention, drinking in how every touch over my skin was caring as he wiped the blood off, how gently he held my head as he looked for any unseen wounds. His eyes gazed into mine, pools of amber and brown swirling inside, all washed over with worry and pain.

He broke the contact eventually, turning his attention to cleaning the toilet at last. The sound of the flush made my ears ring.

“I’m sorry.” - I muttered out, voice so broken and raspy even I could hardly make out the words.

As if that mattered not to him, Minho turned back towards me, hands gently cradling my face once more.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. This was as much your fault as mine, jagi, if not fully mine.” - he replied with a soft smile, a cough interrupting his serene expression.

He doubled over in pain, my own hands trying to soothe him as I stroked his back, wishing to grant him comfort, despite everything. Every cough sounded pained and strained, awfully familiar as my own chest tightened in recognition.

“I… I’d be quite a hypocrite if I didn’t apologise as well.” - he wheezed out, holding up something horrifyingly familiar.

It was a vermillion-coated pink petal, yet the smears weren’t able to hide the black spots scattered all over its surface. The thought of him suffering the same fate I’d been never occurred to me, the idea of him falling in love with me so deeply only sounded like a bad joke at best.

“I’m sorry as well, so don’t cry, please?” - his question was so sincere as he looked up at me, shaky hand placed back onto my tear-stained cheek.

The crystal droplets I didn’t even realise I had just kept flowing, seemingly running from an endless pool. It didn’t matter that he tried to wipe them away, their numbers were endless. So, he settled for a simple caress of the skin, urging me to subconsciously lean into his hold. My own shaky hand found his, settling on top, wishing to drink in his warm presence as much as I could.

“There’re so many things I need to, want to tell you, but… I love you. I’ve loved you for so long, I don’t remember how life was without you in it.”

His eyes glistened with his confession, the truth mirrored in his own glistening tears as they raced down his flushed skin. It was my turn to wipe them away, a gentle smile painted onto my lips as the words he’d uttered started settling into my soul, leaving their permanent mark.

“I love you too, Minho, my silly muse of life.”

Taglist: @michelle4eve @atinyniki

[ihatedtoadmit]

(Un)requited love

pairing: Lee Know x gn! reader

genre: angst, fluff (sprinkled in)

warnings: lack of communication, blood

word count: ~2.5k

summary: Emotions are your bane of existence, more than you'd think.

a/n: I know I said I'd post this sooner, but my mind was holding me prisoner. I apologise. Either way, I hope you enjoy this and the pictures I've chosen. I'm trying to make my fics prettier, so feedback is always welcomed. I also do have a general taglist, just write to me if you're interested. That's all, happy reading!

A Guide to the AU, in case you are unfamiliar with it (it does spoil the surprise though).

↳ Main Masterlist

All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!

It started out small, a nearly unnoticeable feeling budding inside my chest, rooting itself there as if to make sure I would never be able to get rid of it. But how could I, when the cause of it was so alluringly sweet, irresistible no matter what I’d done? When the mere sight of his sparkling eyes brought a small smile to my lips, when the cheerful sound of his laughter sounded like gentle bell chimes ringing in the wind? How would I ever be able to let these wilt, to let my world become grey and monotone?

It had taken me weeks to realise the effect he had on me, too late to do anything by then. His presence itself brought me joy, taking every chance I could to spend by his side as a silent spectator. I was content with watching him fool around with the others, nor did I mind being dragged into all kinds of silly adventures, his happiness my own one in and of itself. I never minded it, how he joked around with Hyunjin, or how he clung to Jisung, or the softness that lingered in his eyes whenever he looked at any of the boys he called family.

None of that mattered, not even the specially crafted closeness he shared with each member, carefully reserved for every single one of them. Something I couldn’t achieve, no matter how long I’d known him. There was always a certain gap between him and me, something I could feel and never leap over. Thus, we were only ever good friends, and nothing more.

I was truly fine with it all, until our nearly daily meetings turned into weekly, the chat log we shared turning silent and cold. It was as if that gap that had been placed between us grew in size, devouring everything and turning into a chasm of hopelessness. At first, I thought I could still patch it up, at the very least bring it back to its smaller size.

But I couldn’t.

With each passing day and with each ignored message, I could feel the roots expanding inside my chest, dangerously squeezing the organs together. It was as if tiny needles were wedged between each miniscule cell, agony coursing through my veins. And yet… I ignored and pushed the numbing feeling to the back of my mind. It was nothing after all, nothing of importance.

My phone buzzed, my tired legs taking me to the device from the bathroom quickly.

It was Chan.

The man had a heart made out of gold, becoming a good friend of mine over these short months. Even after Minho’d started to ignore me, Chan never failed to check in on me regularly, never missing a week. His gesture caused a bittersweet feeling to linger in my chest. It was as if he was sensing what was happening.

I quickly replied to his message, telling him I was fine. He didn’t hesitate to respond, although his next question caused me to do a double-take.

‘Are you free this friday?’ the message read, causing my eyes to furrow in deep thought. I had no plans for that day so far, yet the mere thought of meeting the person who’d been ghosting me left a bitter taste in my mouth. Minho never told me why he was acting cold so suddenly, leading my anxiety-filled brain down a rabbit hole of despair.

Despite all that, my fingers typed out an affirmative reply, as if they had a mind of their own. I could only watch Chan’s enthusiastic reply with an empty gaze, a heavy sigh leaving me after I’d locked my phone and gently threw it back onto my bed, plopping right next to it face down.

I was so tired.

Tired of these questions circling in my head, tired of this taste in my mouth, tired of life’s unfairness.

I was so tired of it all.

-.-.-

The days went by relatively quickly, Friday arriving at my doorstep at last. It wasn’t hard to choose what to wear for this little get-together as I’ve long grown comfortable with the presence of the idols, knowing fully well they didn’t mind if I wore simple clothes in their midst. Looking my image over one more time, I swiped at my lips, catching the last bit of that rosy colour and washing it down the drain. It would be fine, I kept telling myself, a deep breath rattling my ribcage like a trapped little bird.

The ride over to their place was quick and silent. The driver they’d sent over never really initiated any small talk. It was something I was usually grateful for, yet maybe this once it would have distracted my troubled thoughts for just a bit.

Having been at their place countless times now, my body automatically knew the directions it had to take, their door soon appearing in my vision. I could hear their loud voices from where I stood, yet their playful tone told me there was no argument between them, mere playful teasing.

Two gentle knocks broke the boisterous atmosphere, their voices quieting down before hasteful footsteps could be heard.

Felix opened the door for me, his bright smile only widening once he’d laid eyes on me.

“Hey, I missed you so much! I’m so glad you’re here, we were just discussing what to play!” - he excitedly rambled out, arms not even hesitating to tightly wrap themselves around me.

I replied back to him, a hand softly patting his hair as he buried his head into the crook of my neck. I let him stay there until he was satisfied, knowing fully well how much the idol loved skinship.

“Yah, Lixie, stop hogging my bestie!” - a familiar voice shouted from inside, soon followed by a few thuds before I was ripped out of Felix’s arms, now trapped in someone else’s hold. “I wasn’t doing that, what the fuck mate!” - Felix countered, yet it was as if the male who had me in his hold didn’t even hear him. “I missed you soooooo much. Now, let’s go to the others.” - Changbin muttered out, voice muffled by my clothes as he’d pressed himself impossibly close to me.

I didn’t even have a choice in the matter as he’d lifted me up, carrying me away to where I assumed the others were, all the while Felix was whining at how unfair it was to him. The rapper just scoffed and argued back, never loosening his hold on me. He only let go once we were in their living room – a small wave sent towards the other members – , gently plopping me down on the sofa. And then he proceeded to plant himself into my lap, something that only created a smaller argument as not only Felix, but a few others wanted to have me sit by them. Or on them. You get the point.

And as they were playfully arguing around me, I couldn’t help but erupt in laughter, the situation utterly ridiculous-looking.

“What? What’s so funny?” - Chan asked, who was also part of this laughable scene.

The others joined in with their own questions, only making me laugh harder and harder, to the point of nearly falling out of Changbin’s hold onto the floor.

“I think you should all just sit down onto your asses, before you kill our friend here with your stupid questions.” - Seungmin stated, earning a few not so kind comments in return.

Despite that, they did as they were told, settling down and letting me calm down as well.

It was utterly absurd, yet their actions helped calm my nerves and loosen my stiff form. They didn’t even know how much they were helping me, how they continued soothing my burning lungs and scratchy throat. I leaned into Changbin, letting him wind his arms around me, securing me in place as we all settled on what to play. They chose Mario Kart, because of course they had to play that again, despite having played that countless hours already with little to no change to the end results.

Hours went by, the atmosphere around us bright and joyous, but still…

There was one person missing this entire time, his presence not there to light up the place. I was stupidly afraid to ask where he was, not wishing to know the answer. Because why else would Minho not be here, other than to avoid me? Why else would he miss out on a relaxing time with his group when no one else was working, but to not see my face?

My lungs painfully squeezed together, each breath turning smaller and smaller, rattling so loudly in the damaged cavity that I was afraid the others would hear it. Each inhale of air was agonising, the roots painfully making their presence known, while each exhale nearly forced me to cough, the taste of iron and copper growing more and more obvious in my mouth.

It was growing more and more apparent that I had to hide away and fast, my hands slightly shaking as I pried away the ones that held me in place. At their questioning glances, I uttered out the goal of my hastiness, urging them to not pause the movie for my sake.

I didn’t wait around for their answer, long strides taking me towards their bathroom, the door closing behind me with an audible click. I tried to lock it as well, not wishing to risk them opening it on me amidst my suffering. Although the action was seemingly impossible, a cough clawing its way out of my throat, so violent I was forced to kneel in front of the porcelain bowl, pristine white now stained red.

With each poorly suppressed cough came more drops of the once beautiful colour, petals of pink joining it in a flurry of blushing colours. I didn’t have time to think about the possibilities, the what ifs in case the others had heard me. No, this time around the organism inside my chest was vicious, mercilessly ripping tissue apart with ease. I’d had half a mind to not loudly scream in pain, the inside of my chest and throat hurting and hurting and just hurting so much I couldn’t breathe. With a shaky hand I let go of the bowl – nearly slipping without the much needed support – , determined to get rid of the thing that was blocking the path of the much needed air.

A loud snap could be heard as I yanked at it, an entire stem dangling from my fingertips, all adorned with leaves and flowers. They were small, thankfully not one with thorns, yet they hurt only more.

I couldn’t help but scoff at the stained pink petals as I was heaving for air, quite ironic that they were causing me so much pain, when they symbolised quite the opposite. Or rather, the one who they represented wasn’t there to do so, leaving me to be miserable alone.

The soft call of my name could be heard in the room, shaking me out of my daze as I’d nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of his voice.

Wide, frightened eyes looked up at him, the door wide open with no sign of damage, only a smeared speck of blood near the lock. Our eyes met, his own mirroring my own, although his was tainted with horror. I could merely watch him stand there, chocolate-brown hair stuck to his glistening forehead, clothes clinging to him for dear life. His chest wasn’t moving though, frozen in fear, a feeling that was quick to seep into his whole being, along with mine.

Not even a blink could tear my attention away from him, eyes glued to his lips that opened and closed a few times, seemingly thinking about saying something. I awaited the obvious flurry of questions, the harsh words, the hurt, everything.

Yet, none of that came.

No, Minho merely approached me, actions slow and steady. It was as if he was nearing a wounded animal, the hold on my hand gentle as he pried the stained flower out of my clasp. I merely let him, too exhausted to move at all. Breathing took away all my remaining strength, the simple thought of shaking his hand off sounding too tiresome.

Thus, I watched his every move with rapt attention, drinking in how every touch over my skin was caring as he wiped the blood off, how gently he held my head as he looked for any unseen wounds. His eyes gazed into mine, pools of amber and brown swirling inside, all washed over with worry and pain.

He broke the contact eventually, turning his attention to cleaning the toilet at last. The sound of the flush made my ears ring.

“I’m sorry.” - I muttered out, voice so broken and raspy even I could hardly make out the words.

As if that mattered not to him, Minho turned back towards me, hands gently cradling my face once more.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. This was as much your fault as mine, jagi, if not fully mine.” - he replied with a soft smile, a cough interrupting his serene expression.

He doubled over in pain, my own hands trying to soothe him as I stroked his back, wishing to grant him comfort, despite everything. Every cough sounded pained and strained, awfully familiar as my own chest tightened in recognition.

“I… I’d be quite a hypocrite if I didn’t apologise as well.” - he wheezed out, holding up something horrifyingly familiar.

It was a vermillion-coated pink petal, yet the smears weren’t able to hide the black spots scattered all over its surface. The thought of him suffering the same fate I’d been never occurred to me, the idea of him falling in love with me so deeply only sounded like a bad joke at best.

“I’m sorry as well, so don’t cry, please?” - his question was so sincere as he looked up at me, shaky hand placed back onto my tear-stained cheek.

The crystal droplets I didn’t even realise I had just kept flowing, seemingly running from an endless pool. It didn’t matter that he tried to wipe them away, their numbers were endless. So, he settled for a simple caress of the skin, urging me to subconsciously lean into his hold. My own shaky hand found his, settling on top, wishing to drink in his warm presence as much as I could.

“There’re so many things I need to, want to tell you, but… I love you. I’ve loved you for so long, I don’t remember how life was without you in it.”

His eyes glistened with his confession, the truth mirrored in his own glistening tears as they raced down his flushed skin. It was my turn to wipe them away, a gentle smile painted onto my lips as the words he’d uttered started settling into my soul, leaving their permanent mark.

“I love you too, Minho, my silly muse of life.”

Taglist: @michelle4eve @atinyniki

[ihatedtoadmit]

Listen, I have to feed my tumblr children the very few things I create, so yes, I must reblog it. And no, you're the cute one here.

Zehina & Nat ramble - Minchan 1🖤

Minho avoided speaking English as much as he could, because only thinking about it was exhausting already. He wasn't quite able to escape it though, his Australian boyfriend falling back into it quite often. Especially when he was mad or annoyed. Minho didn't do it intentionally but one day he hit his head hard against the cabinet door he forgot to close and yelped in pain before cursing “Oh, you fucking cunt!” at the cabinet. Chan's eyes nearly fell out of his head hearing it and Felix grinned proudly on the sofa. From then on it happens more often, sometimes he does it on purpose because the big smile it brings to Chan's lips makes all his pain or anger disappear. Minho starts throwing in some random phrases Chan uses more often as well. Chan can't help but melt into a puddle with Minho's soft, tiny version of the phrase laced with his adorable accent.

Well, just as Minho had picked up a few linguistic patterns from Chan, the exact opposite could be said as well. Those playful insults Minho likes to throw at the other members, not a single drop of malice hidden in them, somehow stuck to Chan as well. The aussie noticed himself just playfully threatening his members one day, his response to Changbin’s teasing a mere “If you won’t stop, I’ll pop you in the microwave!”. Silence followed that particular sentence, Minho merely blinking at his other half rapidly with disbelief clearly written on his face, before he broke out into a wide smile, laughter ringing in the air. The others were soon to follow the dancer’s lead, Chan’s face flushing with colour after realising what just happened. He definitely got showered in kisses when it was just the two of them later that night.

do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works in any way here or on other platforms. ©️writingforstraykids 2024 -

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist (Please let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the taglist):

@atinyniki @galaxycatdrawz @silverstarburst @lilmisssona @aaa-sia @kthstrawberryshortcake @channieaddict @soullostinspaceandtime @lixie-phoria @xxstrayland @kibs-and-bits @mellhwang @ihrtlix @pheonixfire777 @palindrome969 @harshaaaaa @michelle4eve @rylea08 @heeyboooo @manuosorioh @gisaerlleri @andassortedkpop @lailac13 @bbokari711 @kazuuuaaa @rssamj @wolfyychan @stellasays45 @chrizzztopherbang @ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal @silentreadersthings @myforevermelody143

[ihatedtoadmit]

I swear I didn't forget to reblog it dear, I'm just dying due to several reasons OTL

Zehina & Nat ramble - Minchan 1🖤

Minho avoided speaking English as much as he could, because only thinking about it was exhausting already. He wasn't quite able to escape it though, his Australian boyfriend falling back into it quite often. Especially when he was mad or annoyed. Minho didn't do it intentionally but one day he hit his head hard against the cabinet door he forgot to close and yelped in pain before cursing “Oh, you fucking cunt!” at the cabinet. Chan's eyes nearly fell out of his head hearing it and Felix grinned proudly on the sofa. From then on it happens more often, sometimes he does it on purpose because the big smile it brings to Chan's lips makes all his pain or anger disappear. Minho starts throwing in some random phrases Chan uses more often as well. Chan can't help but melt into a puddle with Minho's soft, tiny version of the phrase laced with his adorable accent.

Well, just as Minho had picked up a few linguistic patterns from Chan, the exact opposite could be said as well. Those playful insults Minho likes to throw at the other members, not a single drop of malice hidden in them, somehow stuck to Chan as well. The aussie noticed himself just playfully threatening his members one day, his response to Changbin’s teasing a mere “If you won’t stop, I’ll pop you in the microwave!”. Silence followed that particular sentence, Minho merely blinking at his other half rapidly with disbelief clearly written on his face, before he broke out into a wide smile, laughter ringing in the air. The others were soon to follow the dancer’s lead, Chan’s face flushing with colour after realising what just happened. He definitely got showered in kisses when it was just the two of them later that night.

do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works in any way here or on other platforms. ©️writingforstraykids 2024 -

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist (Please let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the taglist):

@atinyniki @galaxycatdrawz @silverstarburst @lilmisssona @aaa-sia @kthstrawberryshortcake @channieaddict @soullostinspaceandtime @lixie-phoria @xxstrayland @kibs-and-bits @mellhwang @ihrtlix @pheonixfire777 @palindrome969 @harshaaaaa @michelle4eve @rylea08 @heeyboooo @manuosorioh @gisaerlleri @andassortedkpop @lailac13 @bbokari711 @kazuuuaaa @rssamj @wolfyychan @stellasays45 @chrizzztopherbang @ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal @silentreadersthings @myforevermelody143

[ihatedtoadmit]

I'm writing another angst oneshot (what a surprise), but it took a turn on its own and I didn't like it at first. Until I told about it to a friend, who suggested how I could fix it, so thank them for the non-angst ending.

I'll try to finish and upload it today.