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wizardcommune · 4 years ago

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tanjirou kamado sfw alphabet

pairing - tanjirou kamado x demon slayer!reader

warnings - there’s a mention of him proposing in r, so if that makes you uncomfortable make sure to skip it!

word count - 1.6k

a/n - i really like writing for tanjirou since he’s a kin of mine; it makes it a lot easier HAHA

also i apologize it got shorter at the end!!

(requests are appreciated! rules + media i write for are in my pinned post)

a = affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

tanjirou is actually affectionate in every way!! he loves physical affection because it’s the most soothing to him, but he’s always complimenting you or giving you gifts, too. he likes receiving affection the same way, but isn’t disappointed if you don’t. (he understands people show their love in different ways, so it doesn’t hurt him at all! as long as you know how much he appreciates you, he’s fine.)

b = best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

it’s likely he met you at the final selection or during one of his missions, and he took a liking to you immediately. you met nezuko by accident, passively pointing out that “there was a demon in his box.” he immediately shielded it, but seeing how you didn’t make any advances calmed him.

as a best friend, he respects you so much!!! seeing you with the others makes him happy too. he’s always doing acts of service to help you, and giving you advice that urokadaki or the hashira gave him!!

c = cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

tanjirou really loves cuddles! (he likes physical affection in general, really.) it makes him feel like you’re both safe.

he’s okay with any position, but he prefers to be able to see your face. he also really likes talking to you while cuddling!

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

he’s great at cooking + cleaning since he helped take care of his siblings! i hc that he’s really good at baking, so he’ll often make random food for you and the others. :)

very very minor spoilers for the end of the manga (it’s the same spoiler as the one in the zenitsu sfw alphabet):

in terms of settling down, his dream was literally just to move in with you and the others, and to actually be able to do that meant so much!

some day he’d like to have kids, but if you didn’t want any, he’d just hope the others have kids LMAOO

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

ONCE AGAIN IM SKIPPING THIS BC IT MAKES ME SAD

f = fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

commitment doesn’t scare him, luckily! he honestly really enjoys the idea of getting to be with his partner forever :))))

i think he’d want to get married a few years into the relationship, but he’d hold off until he was absolutely sure they were safe.

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

he’s so gentle ohh my god

even though he knows you’re strong, he’s still very careful with you!

emotionally, he’s the same! he never wants to say anything that could potentially hurt someone. especially since he’s tanjirou; he’s so kind

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

hugs are his favorite; he hugs you as often as possible!! they’re really comforting as he’ll always rest his head on yours or on your shoulder. he likes rubbing your back, too!

i = i love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)

really fast, actually! it’s not like he’s rushing it, though. he always says ‘i love you’ to his friends and nezuko because he wants them to know he cares about them. so when he started dating you, he still said it!

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

honestly? tanjirou doesn’t get jealous. he respects you enough to know you wouldn’t cheat on him, so if he ever sees someone flirting with you he trusts you to tell them you’re taken.

if the person flirting doesn’t let up, however, he’ll get more protective and will them to leave.

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

his kisses are very gentle!! he doesn’t want to overwhelm you in case you want to stop.

his favorite places to kiss you are your forehead and shoulder!! for the former, it’s always comforting to him when he’s able to cup your face.

his favorite places to be kissed are his neck and nose. it always flusters him HAHA

l = little ones (how are they around children?)

king had five siblings, he’s great with kids. he likes them too! he’s sweet anyways, but he always tries to be like. 10x kinder when he’s with some

he really likes giving kids gifts, too! if he finds a cool gem or something on his travels, he’ll gift that to them :)))

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

since tanjirou always woke up so early when he lived with his family, it’s a habit that stuck with him! staying in bed after he wakes up makes him feel restless, so he’ll normally just kiss your forehead and get up

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

before bed, he always makes tea! it helps him sleep better and he hopes it helps you too. right before you go to sleep, he likes asking about your day or dumb stuff that inosuke did

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

it won’t take to long for him to tell you about his family. he just wants to make sure he can trust you!! he won’t want to talk about it often though, considering how recent they died

it’s a huge compliment when he does, actually! it means he holds you in really high respect

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

this is tanjirou we’re talking about, literally nothing you can do will piss him off. unless you beat up nezuko or something ig??? please don’t do that

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

he works really hard to remember everything! he listens very carefully to you, so it’s not too hard to pick up on things you might like when you mention them in passing

(he’ll normally incorporate those into acts of service, too! if you offhandedly mention not wanting to go get your medicine the next day, you can bet it’ll be left on the table when you wake up)

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

the day he proposed! he worked really hard for it to be perfect, and to see it went well makes him go ^^^^^

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

he’s pretty protective, but not to the point of being overbearing! he’s scared of losing more people he cares about fuck you chapter 179

when fighting demons, he would give you space to fight but also keeps an eye on you to make sure nothing happens.

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

he puts in so much effort. he really wants to make sure you know how much he loves you, so he always puts effort into little things like everyday tasks! like i said in q, he listens to you very carefully which can help him make really nice gifts!

he also makes sure he never forgets something like your birthday or an anniversary, as he knows that it would hurt.

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

NONE HE IS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT AND I WANT HIM TO HAVE A GOOD LIFE

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

pretty much not at all! besides making sure he looks clean, he’s proud of not having self esteem issues in that regard.

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

in a way? he really doesn’t like the idea of depending so much on someone, especially since if something happened he wouldn’t know what to do. he has nezuko and the others, so if something were to happen to you he would be able to heal. (it doesn’t mean it would hurt any less, however.)

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them.)

he loves singing! i know that it’s canon he’s a shitty singer, but shhh he’s good at it

he definitely used to sing his siblings to sleep, so if you ask him to he won’t hesitate :((( crying

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

he would really want a respectful s/o. it means a lot and it helps take some stress of his shoulders when he knows he doesn’t have to constantly correct you like inosuke LMAO

z = zzz (what are some sleep habits of theirs?)

if he’s not cuddling you, he really likes holding your hand when you sleep!!! it’s makes him feel really comfortable.

when he’s on missions, he’s a vv light sleeper, but whenever he’s with you somewhere safe he sleeps a lot better!!

#i love tanjirou so much goodnight #this one took a lot less longer than the zen one for some reason??#my work #tanjiro kamado x reader #tanjirou kamado x reader #kny x reader #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer sfw alphabet #kny #tanjiro x reader #tanjirou x reader #demon slayer alphabet #kny alphabet #kny sfw alphabet #tanjirou kamado

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newhologram · 3 years ago

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I know only a few of you are on IG so I wanted to give an update here on the past few days. I am doing this knowing the potential risk but I need to also record where I'm at right now in case anything weird happens.

My week has been like this so far. Sunday: Family Member 1 misplaced their Xbox controller. They kept asking me if I knew where it was, each time growing more and more aggressive. I don't have an Xbox, I reminded them. I have my own controller for my PC. But they kept knocking loudly on my door. They followed me outside where I was vaping and tried to accuse me of I don't even know what. Pawning off their controller? FM1 said, "Is there something going on that you're not telling me? SOMEONE'S messing with me!" Later that night they and their gf were making dinner. FM1 suddenly knocked harshly on my door and said aggressively, "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE OVEN MITTS" in an angry voice. I was already stressed from them harassing me earlier about the controller. I came out of my room, heart racing, and told them I had not used them that day. I helped find the mitts, which had fallen behind the trash can because the hanging hook had broken. I went to bed on edge, feeling unsafe and targeted, wondering why my family member was suddenly acting so paranoid and accusing me of misplacing their things... Something they actually have done to me my whole life, denying it until the moment my item is found, when they suddenly remember they did move it there (or accidentally throw it out/destroy it). The controller ended up being some random place in the living room. Monday: I went to leave for my acupuncture appointment. My booster seat/pillow thing was missing from my car. Not in the trunk or anything. I cannot drive without it. I'm too short to see over the steering wheel. I called FM1 and they have no idea where it could be, despite the fact that they drive my car every day. FM1's gf helped find it, in the garage. But I still had an epic fucking meltdown, sobbing the whole way to and from my appointment. I just cannot handle people moving my shit and disrupting my schedule like that. And it just hurt so much more knowing that FM1 was so awful to me the day before about their stuff being misplaced. I'm always having my personal belongings, my feelings, my personhood, disrespected. It hurts deeply. When I got home I stressed to them that this is my car, and my accommodation should not ever be removed from it under any circumstances. It was after this that I decided it was time to hold a family meeting. I called Family Member 2 and 3 over to the house. I read a long letter to them in which I told them about the talks I have had with my therapist, psychiatrist, and another psychologist. Even though I cannot be formally assessed and diagnosed at this time, I am being treated for autism. I detailed to my family my entire life of trauma that is traced back directly to my autistic traits, and my needs not only not being met, but being outright denied. I was denied empathy most of my life for my sensory issues, my pain, everything. A big part of this is gaslighting. Even if it's unintentional or not malicious, gaslighting is incredibly traumatic. Especially when it comes to my sensory issues. I have had even more problems with overstimulation the past year which means I can barely sleep, so my daily naps are even more important. I try to coordinate my naps when there is less activity in my house. But if I'm in a ton of pain and extra sensitive and ask for quiet, that's when I get in trouble and a fight happens. That's when FM1 tells me I "need to be realistic" and "can't expect the whole world to shut up for you"... when I'm literally saying "I have a migraine and need to rest, can you please not play loud music or slam cupboards in the kitchen for a few hours?"

I was emotionally neglected and abused by both parents. A lot of it is just the result of their own trauma that they have not dealt with... But I have also been physically threatened and assaulted by them at different times, though it only happened those specific times. (They won't ever admit to it though.) The emotional and mental abuse still goes on in my home. I am not allowed to have emotions. I have been told "STOP. WHY ARE YOU CRYING. LIFE'S NOT FAIR. WHEN YOU GET OUT IN THE REAL WORLD YOU'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT" over and over--like... in response to me crying about my pet dying, or in response to me crying bc I'm in horrible pain from my chronic illnesses, or crying after my usual yearly ER visit. I am also not allowed to have boundaries. I have tried to communicate with FM1 that these things hurt me deeply. And their response is basically, "YOU'RE SO UNGRATEFUL. I PUT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD!" and threats such as "BETWEEN TAKING CARE OF YOU AND GRANMDA, ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M GOING TO DRIVE OFF AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN!" or "I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU"-- y'know, in response to having a disabled child. Ouch. The message is clear: I am nothing but an inconvenience and a burden to my family. I still have nightmares about them abandoning me, or abusing me more. I think in their heads they think that they love me. But this isn't love. If I try to talk to them about how dangerous it is for them to say things like that to me, they say "I never said/did that." Which brings us back to the gaslighting: I said that every time they gaslight me and tell me that my emotions/thoughts/experiences aren't real, it triggers me so badly that I self-harm and become suicidal.

I was very clear with them: I said that I can no longer have that in my life because one day it will kill me. I don't wanna die that way. I want to live. I have very bad PTSD and it's something I have worked on for 8 years but it has been worse the past year with so many disruptions and FM1's worsening narcissistic traits. I gave the choice to them. I said if they gaslighted me again that they were making the decision to not be in my life. Because this is about preserving my life. I'm trying not to die here. I'm literally trying to save my own life, even if that means not having a relationship with my family. They accept that I am autistic... But they then took turns gaslighting me. When I pointed out, "that's gaslighting. that's exactly what I just said in my letter. What you're doing is gaslighting" they went even harder on it. They said my experience and my trauma is "not in line with reality". They also said I "need to be reasonable" with the boundary that I'm setting (meaning: they don't believe in boundaries at all). They tried to guilt trip me with, "you can't cut someone out of your life because what if they DIE and then you FEEL GUILTY??" (I mean, what if I killed myself because you keep hurting me? Wouldn't you feel guilty about that?) They also guilt tripped me with "well we TRY to invite you to family stuff, and we try to include you, but you never want to go..." um... I guess they forgot I am chronically ill? Sorry if I don't have the energy or pain tolerance to drive an hour each way to a loud family party after I've worked all week? I cried and cried, I said this is exactly what I told you that you do to me and how it endangers my life... and you're doing it... while telling me you don't do it to me... They were all weird and told me "we love you and would do anything for you!" except... I guess, not gaslight me constantly? Idk. I felt so trapped. I felt so hopeless. I was up all night crying. I wondered, "Why is the idea of me having distance from them somehow worse than me being dead? Why would they prefer that I die rather than set a boundary that will save me?" And then I remembered: I had set the terms. They broke them. You do this, you're out of my life, because me being alive is more important than us having a relationship which will eventually kill me. I'm not trapped. It doesn't matter if they think they can prevent me from setting this boundary because they can't. I'm in charge of my boundary. So I blocked them on social media, as well as their phones. I have to unfortunately keep FM1 unblocked bc I live with them, they drive my car, and they look after my cats while I am at work. If I didn't have so many great things happening behind the scenes, if I didn't have my cats, if I didn't have amazing friends and followers who are supportive and kind... I can definitely see that I would have ended my life that night in some alternate timeline. That is how much pain I was in from them doing that to me. Them literally trying to gaslight me into not setting a boundary. I mean it would've been so ridiculous on their part, can you imagine? Me: Hey family, when you gaslight me, it makes me suicidal. I don't want to die, so either you stop doing that, or we can't have a relationship. Family: UHH NO *gaslights me anyway* Me: ok *kills self* Family: *surprised Pikachu face* Like???? Would they really have been shocked because it seems like they should have known since I told them directly? And that just shows that they really don't take my pain seriously at all. They think I'm overly sensitive and that my trauma is not real. That would have been a painful wake up call for them. I told my therapist all of this. And she agrees that this is good, this is going to not only ween them off of me but also allow me to focus on all the good stuff I have going on. I have to get moving. So much stuff has been lagging because I'm constantly recovering from them triggering me. I'm going to focus, and heal, and gtfo of here. Thank you for your support and for never invalidating my pain.

#teku #personal #d o nut #reba gel #!#donut rebagel plz

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drethanramslay · 5 years ago

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Face to face

Pairing: Ethan x MC (Leah Garcia)

Word count: 3.4 K

Summary: Ethan has always been independent and selfless. He would sacrifice his health for the well being of his patients. So when he falls sick, he decides to brush it off and march forward anyway. But when things take a a turn for the worst, Leah steps in because she wants to help him. And he lets her in.

Because you let the people you love be with you at moments of vulnerability.

Author's note: Well things have been shit lately and I decided to soothe my fellow readers with this sweet, sweet fluff so that you all can momentarily forget the reality.

MASTERLIST

Taglist: @miyakokurono @agent-breakdance @trappedinfandoms @openheart12 @sekizincimektup @junggoku @ethandaddyramsey @edith-eggs1 @ethanramseysgirl @samihatuli @loveellamae @x-kyne-x @paulfwesley @zeniamiii @binny1985 @an-urban-witch-ig @ramseyegerton @noboundariesplease @ohramsey (let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list 😊)

Also, @kinkypot (I don't know why I'm not able to tag you) had requested for a writing prompt which I ended up including in this one shot lol

#4- you're so pretty.

Songs: Love someone by Lukas Graham and Put a little love on me by Niall Horan

Forgive me if I make mistakes 😬

"Put her on steroids so that the inflammation can go down. Also, give her 100mg of broad spectrum antibiotics." Ethan spoke monotonously as he signed the chart.

"Yes Dr. Ramsey." The nurse said dutifully before going to the patient's bed side.

It was just eight o'clock in the morning and the first rounds had just got over. The sun had risen and the new interns had not killed anybody yet so that was good. Leah's intern, Ortega was dominating over the other interns and he somewhat felt proud regarding that.

He felt like he was a 'grand-mentor' just like Naveen was for Leah.

He trudged down the hallway to his office, rolling his shoulders. His body ached but, surviving on four hours of sleep and excessive caffeine does that to you.

With the cut in budget, Ethan stayed over at the hospital more. He just couldn't afford to not stay and help, be it helping Naveen out or saving lives. He was exhausted and low. He hadn't seen Jenner in three day and that just added to his misery.

The only thing that would make his day was Leah. His sunshine.

I don't think I will ever stop calling her my Sunshine. Ethan thought to himself, with a small smile playing in his lips.

He loved the way Leah's eyes would shine bright when she saw him. He loved making her smile with his sarcastic jokes just so he could see that cute dimple on her cheek. He loved holding her hand when they were both alone, her small, warm hand in his calloused fingers. He loved to hug her and bury his face into her neck because she smelled like spring and all things good.

He didn't understand the term 'love' but, if he were to use that word, it would be used alongside Leah's name.

And this is what had been on his mind since so long. He had come to this realization the night of her hearing, when he lay in her bed, both of them naked with their limbs tangled. She was lying on his chest, snoring softly while Ethan stared at the ceiling, mindlessly playing with her dark hair. He enjoyed the feeling of her soft, supple skin on him and the way they fit together, like two halves united to form a whole.

I am in love... That's what was running through his mind, when he lay there as the moonlight streamed through the room.

And it frightened him. He was never one to do the feelings bullshit. Most of his relationships were based on how similar their tastes were and how good the person looked. But with Leah, it was uncharted territory.

And that's why he ran to Amazon when his love for her got so much that he couldn't think straight around her. He would turn from world renowned diagnostician Dr. Ethan Ramsey to the bumbling dork, Ethan.

It's too early to go in a contemplative mood about Leah, Ethan.

He leaned back in his plush chair and groaned in pain. He shut his burning eyes and covered his face to prevent the glare of the clinical white light of his office.

He heard the door open and feet shuffling.

"Good morni-" Leah chirped.

"Shh." Ethan groaned.

"Well, if you are going to shush me then I wonder what will I do with 'the Vienna' coffee I got from Derry's-"

"Gimme that." Ethan muttered under his breath as he uncovered his face and grabbed the coffee from Leah's hand, their fingers brushing, sending a tingle of delight up his arm.

Calm the fuck down Ethan.

"Hmmm... You are blessing on this cold dark earth, sunshine." Ethan groaned in approval as he sipped the scalding hot liquid.

"Wow. You called me sunshine. I feel special. What's got you in a good moo- oh my god." Leah stopped short as she finally took in Ethan's face.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he placed the coffee cup down, feeling self conscious as her chocolate brown eyes observed his face.

She walked around the table and cupped his face so that she could look at him properly.

Woah, woah WOAH WHAT THE HELL?! IS SHE GOING TO-

"Ethan, your eyes are bloodshot red and you feel warm. Are you feeling okay?"

Oh. I don't know whether to be happy or disappointed.

"Yeah I'm perfectly fine. Don't worry about me. I'm just sleep deprived." He waved her off as he reached for his coffee cup.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Leah. Don't worry."

Leah gave him a last look before heading towards the door. "I trust your judgement Ethan. But if you feel sick, let me know."

He nodded into his cup as he saw the girl he loved, leave.

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The pounding in Ethan's head had steadily increased in intensity. His eyes were getting watery from staring at the small print for to long. He was feeling nauseous and at that moment he knew he was sick.

He was at the nurses station, leaning heavily against it because it seemed too much work to stand on his own two feet.

I just hope nobody sees me like thi-

"Dr. Ramsey are you okay?" Leah asked as she watched him warily. She stood next to him and her eyes wandered around his pale face, bloodshot eyes and red nose which made him look like a reindeer.

Perfect timing you got there, Ethan.

"I am... perfection." He said as he turned to look at her, wincing at the sudden movement.

"There must me something really wrong if you messed up the English language. Admit it you are sick." She turned towards him and rested her hand on her waist.

"I don't get sick, it's an unspoken rule."

"That's what they all say.." Esme leaned on the counter, looking sick.

"Ortega I told you to go home. I can't have you making our patients sicker!" Leah grabbed her file and pointed towards the exit.

"Go home Ortega. I can't afford to fall sick." Ethan said as he waved her away.

"Well she can't make you sick because, you already are!! Take a break Ethan." She put her hand on his and squeezed.

"Sunshine... I have obligations and responsibilities. I have no choice, this is what we do we, push through." He parted her hand and walked down the hallway.

That goddamn stubborn son of a bitch. Leah thought as she gritted her teeth.

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Ethan leaned against the sink, heavily breathing. He looked up at the mirror and saw a sweaty, pale face stare back at him.

You are completely fine. You have gone through worse and you have pushed through. You will be fine. Ethan kept on chanting as he washed his hands.

He stepped out if the men's washroom and saw Leah leaning against the wall. "Rookie, no." He said as he trudged.

"I have a case for you. Patient is in his late thirties, he is a complete ass and is so stubborn to a fault. He is sick but is showing signs of denial. Can't hardly stand without leaning on something. I was thinking of doing an MRI to find out what is lodged up his ass."

"Shut up, sunshine. I'm not in the mood."

"Why do you have to pretend to be a superman, huh? I can see that you are sick so why won't you let me help you?" Leah sighed with frustration.

"I'm completely fin- woah." Ethan's world spun and he found himself loosing balance. He stumbled and leaned against the wall. He sunk to the floor and held his head in his hands to stop everything from spinning.

"Are you done with your tantrum? Will you let me in now? Let me heal you?" Leah bent down and took his face in her hands, forcing the disoriented blue eyes to look at her.

"I think I'm sick, sunshine." Ethan said, a sheen of sweat on his forehead.

"I know. And I'm taking you home."

"Will you stay with me?" He asked in a tiny voice.

"Of course E. I'm not going anywhere for a very, very long time."

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Leah had a hand around Ethan's waist as they rode the elevator to his apartment. She waited patiently as she kept on checking on Ethan. His fever had skyrocketed and he had puked twice.

She had forced his ass into a wheelchair and rolled him to his car. She didn't care that the entire hospital, gawked t this site. After putting him in the front seat, she took his keys and drove out of the parking lot.

She kept on sneaking glances at him from the side of her eyes. She saw that he was leaning against the window and snoring quietly. He was clutching her hand as she drove the car.

She enjoyed the feeling of his hands on hers. And, if she could have it her way, she would never let go of him.

Leah, you have become a fucking sap.

The drive to his apartment was not very long as the traffic was low. As the lift reached closer to their destination, Ethan started feeling light headed.

"I think I'm gonna puke again, sunshine." Ethan groaned as he leaned on Leah, making her stagger as they walked down the hallway.

"Don't worry. We are almost there." She squeezed him to her side and proceeded to open the door to his penthouse.

The moment the door opened, Ethan ran to the washroom while Leah took out her coat and set her satchel and his messenger bag on the dining table. She rushed after him and saw him hugging the toilet seat, breathing heavily.

She sat behind him, on the edge of the bathtub and rubbed his back, saying soothing words as he emptied the contents of his stomach. She ran her fingers through his soft hair, slowly massaging the scalp, to provide some relief from the pounding headache.

He leaned back against her legs and looked up at her with his tired eyes. "I hate being sick." He grumbled and Leah giggled at the site.

"Glad to know you find my suffering entertaining." He muttered as he closed his eyes, his head on her lap.

"No, I'm just laughing at the way you are acting like a baby."

Ethan groaned, "You are going to hold it against me for the rest of my life, aren't you?"

Leah shook her head and patted his head. "Don't worry I won't, you are my baby and I will take care of you."

If Ethan wasn't sick, he definitely would have blushed.

She tugged on his coat, "Take out your clothes."

"If you wanted to get me naked-"

"ETHAN! Shh. I'm throwing your sweaty clothes for wash. Not anything else." Leah said, blushing wildly at the indecent thoughts running through her head.

Getting the memo, he stood up and started taking of his clothes. Leah turned towards the door and let out a breath, feeling her cheeks getting hotter.

She heard the rustling of clothes and the sound of them being dumped on the floor and Leah tried to focus on counting the number of tiles on the wall opposite her.

Just don't think about the fact that the man you love is naked behind you and we will be okay. Her consciousness soothed her.

Ethan felt like a zombie and everything seemed bleary. Everything but her. Even if he were to become blind one day, he would always remember the way her bronze skin shines in the sun, the way her smile would bring out her dimples and the way her body felt when he held her close to him.

He wanted to lean forward and hug her but he knew that it's not appropriate. And the last thing he wanted do was send more mixed signals her way.

"Here." He nudged the clothes forward with this feet and Leah bent down to pick it up never once looking at his flawless and sculpted body. She walked out if the bathroom as soon as she could and headed to the washing unit in his penthouse.

After putting the clothes for wash she headed back to his bedroom where she heard the shower run through the door of the bathroom.

"Ethan?" She knocked on the door.

"Yeah?"

"I am borrowing your clothes because I don't think I will last long in my pencil skirt and blouse. I might burst."

"Yeah, okay no problem! Can you hand me my clothes as well?" Ethan asked as he coughed.

Leah went to the adjacent walk in closet which had a huge mirror with a small bench. On one side, all the shirts were hanging in order of the colours and the other side, there were couple of tuxedos hanging. There were casual jackets hanging on the racks as well and his shoes were kept in organized rows below them.

Damn if only my life was this organized.

She went and opened multiple draws to find a pair of sweats, a full sleeve t-shirt and on impulse, she took a beanie as well.

Who knows, maybe i can convince him?

She picked out basketball shorts, socks and a long loose shirt. She changed into his clothes and hung her hospital wear on am empty hanger.

She knocked on his bathroom door. "Ethan are you decent?"

"Yap."

She entered and she almost stopped in her tracks. Ethan stood there with a towel wrapped around his waist, his glorious abs on display. Drops of water rolled down his broad chest, his abs and his happy trail-

"Take a picture. It will last longer." He said, smirking.

"Shut up." She threw the clothes on his face and stepped out of the bathroom and headed to the kitchen, blushing excessively. She slapped her hand on her forehead and sighed.

Could you be anymore creepier Leah? I swear these... Feelings are impairing my cerebral functioning.

Ethan stepped out of the bathroom, exhaustion taking over him. Taking a shower helped him, but still he felt feverish and weak. Leah was not in his room and he just flopped onto the bed, the desperate need to slip into a s dreamless sleep increasing.

He saw Leah enter with a tablets, water and... A bowl? She placed them on the bed side table and pulled the comforter out from underneath him.

"Take these." She handed him two tablets of advil and water.

He took them and popped them to the back of his throat. After swallowing it he laid back into his bed, enjoying the feeling of his own bed.

She proceeded to tuck him in and sat beside him. She pressed the NCIT on his head and took in the reading.

102.9 °F.

Dammit Ethan.

She reached for the bowl in which she had dipped a washcloth and wrung it. She then put it on his hot forehead.

Ethan shivered and peeped through his close eyes. "What are you doing, Sunshine?"

"Well.. when I used to have high temperatures, my mom used to press a damp cloth to my forehead to reduce the fever. I'm telling you, it will help."

Ethan smiled and nestled comfortably in the sheets, sleep overtaking him, as Leah continued to wet, wring and put the cloth on his forehead.

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Ethan started stirring in his bed, slowly coming out of his deep slumber. He still felt a little warm, and due to the ibuprofen he had sweated so much that his shirt stuck to his body.

He slowly sat up and rubbed his face before stretching. He saw the time on his alarm clock.

11:20 pm

They had come home around 4 pm and the fact that he was knocked out for seven hours really baffled him. He turned around and saw textbooks and patient charts beside him.

She stayed. She stayed with me.

He smiled to himself and he heard footsteps. He looked up and saw Leah, wearing his basketball shorts, shirt and socks. She was carrying a tray and was biting her lip in concentration.

"You are so pretty." Ethan said without thinking. His eyes widened and he wanted to smack himself but, seeing Leah smile at the compliment, made his heart do flips.

"Not satisfactory? Or appropriate?" She teased him as she set the tray down carefully. She wiped her hands on the shorts and pressed them to his forehead.

"Thankfully your temperature has gone down. I made you tomato soup and grilled chees-"

"But I'm not hungry!!"

"Shh. I am the doctor and it's doctors order."

"But I'm also a doctor. I'm the head of the diagnostics tea-"

"But right now, you are a patient. A pretty horrible one, if you ask me. Don't make me force you." She placed her hands on her waist and narrowed her eyes.

Ethan just turned his head the other way. He would have eaten it by himself, but he wanted Leah close to him.

Why are you so childish Ethan? He thought to himself.

"Fine." She threw her hands up and sat down next to him. Ethan scooted to make some place for her she she picked up the tray and placed half of it on her lap and half on his.

She dipped the spoon into the soup bowl , lifted the spoon and blew air on it to cool it down, before she made Ethan drink it. "Oh my god sunshine. This is so GOOOOD." Ethan moaned.

"Well thank you Dr Ramsey. I am deeply humbled." She gave a small smile before dipping the spoon into the bowl again.

And this happened back and forth. Leah fed him and at that moment Ethan almost wished that they were together. This felt so natural. Leah feeding him felt as if it had always been this way. His heart was melting with how much he loved this woman.

The same was with Leah. She stared at his ocean eyes and made him eat. They would casually joke and tease each other. There was just so much contentment at that moment that Leah couldn't help but pretend, that they were dating. This felt like second nature. This felt like forever.

And maybe, just for tonight, she would like to live in this illusion before she would have to go back to the way it was.

Back to the pining.

Back to the secret hand holding.

Back to the lingering gazes.

Ethan finished his meal and practically inhaled the cheesy goodness. "God sunshine, what would I do without you?"

"I dunno, die of boredom? Be super lonely? Show as many emotions as a block of granite?"

Ethan just shoved her and Leah's boisterous laughs echoed around the room. Ethan soon joined her chuckling. Jenner barked and jumped on to the bed, licking Ethan aggressively.

"I missed you too girl. Daddy is sorry for not spending time with his girl." He cooed to her as he scratched the behind of her ear. Leah shook her head and stood up.

"Eat your medicines and go to sleep, E." She said as she ruffled Ethan's hair. "And be a good girl for me Jenner." She scratched the dog's head and the dog reciprocated by licking Leah's hand.

"Are you staying?" Ethan asked hopefully, praying to God that she stays.

"Do you want me to?" Leah asked with one eyebrow raised.

He slowly nodded his head, so that he didn't look like a desperate creep.

She gave him a soft smile and went to the other side of the bed to clear up her things. She lifted the comforter and snuggled into the sheets.

Jenner hopped down from the bed and made herself comfortable on the floor, by Ethan's side.

After settling in, she turned to her side, so that she could stare at his handsome face.

"Hey."

"Hey sunshine." Ethan said as he turned on to his side as well.

The lay there face to face, not saying anything. The quietness caressed his skin like a cool summer breeze, smoothing his soul, taking away his jagged edges. Her silence was comforting and spoke for itself, it was peaceful in a way where you could feel at home and know that no matter what was happening, she was forever there for you.

He reached and cupped her cheek, running his thumb along her cheekbone. Leah reached and clasped his hand, leaning into his hand.

They didn't speak the entire night, they just lay there holding on to each other, their eyes conveying the words unsaid.

The smiles playing on their lips, conveyed their peacefulness and how much they enjoyed each other's company.

The limbs tangled underneath the sheets, conveyed their wishes to be together for eternity.

Their hands, which clutched each other conveyed a promise, a promise that no matter what, they will always be together.

A promise of forever.

The silence which stretched between them conveyed so many emotions which words can't describe.

And this is why, silence is golden.

special shoutout to @miyakokurono and @vampiregirlsblog for being my personal cheerleaders in motivating me to complete this fic.

i appreciate each and every person who reads and comments... y'all are the reason im still writing

like, comment and reblog :))

let me know what you want to read next :))

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fairycosmos · 4 years ago

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Thank U! So me& my ex broke up 2 years ago. They broke up w/me but once I got Over the initial upset it was more mutual cuz I knew it was 4the best. We didnt talk for ages but got back in contact& have been gr8 friends since. We dont talk all the time but we are very open bout how important the other is 2us, we support each other thru life&just really get& see each other. We broke up cuz we were both in a bad way after the abuse we faced due to their ex. We kept on having misunderstandings& arguments but it was more to do with the proximity to the trauma cuz on reflection our fights werent bad we were just in a bad place&in a LDR so we relied on text/calls&facetime which made everything harder. Ive never gotten over them& its not from lack of trying but everything about them makes my heart sing. I love them in a way I cant fully explain. It feels like no other love Ive had its like breathing it feels natural to my whole being. Loving them helped me to love myself better love others better heal myself& grow so much. Ive loved before but never any real issues letting someone go after we broke up. Even if it was hard Im not the type to pine over some1 or any of that but if they asked me in the morning Id drop everything now to move where they are and to try to work on things. Ive thought about& tried to bring it up more than once but something always happened to1 of us that would of just made the timing inappropriate& they mean too much to me to just throw it at them when theyre going thru shit. Even if it didnt work out& they didnt want me Id want to talk about it in a way that was as comfortable& healthy as poss for us both: its still not a good time rn for me to bring it up. They have a lot of on w/family & work & I’m also working thru some stuff so Im not looking to talk rn but I been thinking about them so much today. I miss them a lot& have that “idk what to do” feeling. I just mostly really needed to get it off my chest& maybe have another opinion cuz I cant really talk to any1 about it so Thank U again for listening to me. - cj x

hey!! :) honestly to me it sounds like you have a really good + realistic understanding of your own situation. i’m really sorry for the pain you’re in and how heavy it all must feel, how frustrating it must not to be able to make things work at the moment when you love someone that much. all the hurt, confusion and sadness is completely justified and it is ok to sit with it and let it out until it leaves you entirely. no matter how long that takes. it’s all just a process. i’ve seen it happen quite a lot - where the person is right but the timing is wrong. if you want my opinion ig the first thing that came to mind for me like was, okay so you recognize that now is not the time to confess to them or to start anything romantic, but you also recognize that you both love each other and you’re both on the same page about how important you are to each other. that’s a really good sign because it indicates that even if you don’t get into a proper relationship any time soon, you’re still going to keep each other in your lives and you’re still going to nurture the love between you. i know platonic love is a little different but all of the goodness is still there and it’s still something to celebrate, to not shy away from. anyway, what i’m saying is, since you can’t do much to confront it right now - maybe planning what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it could occupy your mind until the time is right. if you can’t control the when you can least control the how. maybe writing down your thoughts and reading them over, trying your best to find what expression feels most accurate to your emotions could be a good place to start. perhaps seeing it all clearly laid out like that will help you feel less conflicted and more sure of where you want to go from here. i think it’s natural to not be fully certain anyway because emotions r so wishy washy at the best of times. it’s normal not to know what to do, nobody goes. we just do the best we can to be honest w the people we care about. sidenote it’s really respectful of you to be so considerate of whether or not they can handle such a heavy conversation btw, it’s really cool of you. you clearly care about them a lot as i’m assuming they do to you nd that’s what matters the most. so yeah i guess feeling it out and being prepared to have the talk when the moment presents itself would b the best course of action?? imo anyway. i’m usually a bit wary of going back to old flames but it doesn’t sound like you ended on bad terms last time. and it also sounds like you’re still super in love with them, AND like you’re going to be respectful of whatever their response may be. so i can’t see this ruining things for you guys beyond repair. anyway i really hope you guys get there eventually and that you both share a lot of love and life together for many years to come. i’m rooting for you a lot!! take care x

#anon

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kaorinessislove · 3 years ago

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20210711

hi tumblr, it’s been a while since i last opened you.

well here i am again because i think i needed to vent out my emotions. because if not, i know for sure that it will gonna eat me inside.

you know what, since i started dating my entire life, i had no idea that i’ll become this girl who would be just an option for someone i am interested with. you wanna know the reason why my first boyfriend and i broke up? he broke up with me with a very vague reason the moment my bestfriend in highschool became single again. i didn’t know the real reason behind the breakup not until the day i was hanging out with my other friend in her house and she told me the real reason because she thought i deserved to know. it was very embarrasing because i literally cried hard that day (oh well because it was my first heartbreak) and what’s more hard was my bestfriend was also in love with that guy i used to date and to be honest with you it took me time to heal but eventually i accepted it because i felt that they were both sincere (well, they’re not together know, they are both happy with their own love lives) and even until today i remained friends with the girl and i am very close to her family.

fast forward to college.

so i met this guy on the 3rd term of my 1st year college days. we dated for almost 5 months. i really thought he was sincere, to him, i lost my virginity and made me believe that i was the first. ignoring all the red flags that came my way i continued to the relationship until we both decided to end things between us, little did i know that i was once again encountering something similar with my first. a month after our breakup , i don’t know why but we were starting to talk again BUT there was a caring friend of mine who told me the whole story the time we broke up. they were in a club drinking with my girl friend, my friend who told me everything, my ex and other people. though my friend was tipsy, he was sure of what he saw, that my friend and my ex were kissing. at first i am not bothered since we were not dating that time. but there was a day of confrontation where i learned everything. that the time and moment we were dating,my ex was thinking of my friend the whole time right from the start wishing that he was with her instead of me. like WHAT THE FUCK like why did u bother yourself and most especially bother me and waste my time lol. oh because he cant be with that girl because his friend is dating that girl. so i was a total wreck but with the help of my college friends, i surpassed that time of my life.

fast forward today.

I was a dating a guy who has a very high libido. and u know what i am really doing my best to catch up with that libido of him because he said that sexual relationship is important to him. though there are plenty of times that i would get into trouble because of that. so the other day, he said he was reflecting on about his life and the next step we would make for our relationship to grow until we came on a certain topic about sexual fantasy. i know what’s his sexual fantasy is, it’s threesome with me and of course with other woman. and i asked who’s the other woman in his fantasy aside from me, though i already have a clue of who she is. IT’S NON OTHER THAN MY BESTFRIEND IN COLLEGE. idk why but though i already expected it there’s something heavy inside me i carry since the first day i found out. I was ok the night i found out but the day after, it drove me crazy until now. the reasons as to why she’s in his fantasy was we three have the common things, like we are living alone in other countries, that SHE IS HIS TYPE. mind you that was the exact word of his. that she has a beautiful face (because she is half british and almost of the guys in college are dying to date her) that she is intelligent (undeniably intelligent) that she is kind (indeed) and last but not the least she has a nice body. like what the fuck hahahahahahaha though prior to telling me this honestly. he told me that i should not be angry. i know i am not this beautiful, nor intelligent (i am average but i am more streetwise lol) and it suddenly became my source of insecurity. BECAUSE I remember the time before my man asked me to change his ig and twitter pw, that friend of mine was the last person he searched lol and he liked whatever she tweeted.

i still wasnt able to tell him about what bothers me now but since that day i don’t reply to his messages properly and as of the moment i am on my nightshift and i cant seem to focus well so i did make use of our internet here to vent out (my boss told me that it’s ok to use the internet and study lol) tbh my fingers hurt right now lol.

my real thought right now; i am tired to be an option. tired to be someone who’s always available. if they dont like me from the start i really hope that they would just let me live my simple life, because to begin with i didnt need and want them. i think i deserve more. i deserve the freedom that i long ever since. and because of this, despite my age (turning 24 in a few days) i no longer want a commitment because of this trauma. lol 3 times and i thought i was enough but was never enough. because of this, i aspire to be a strong, independent woman that no man can reach me because i am afraid i might be an option again. i dream to be the crazy rich person who smokes and drinks a lot, may be alone, but free. totally different from the real me because i was told that im boring then. u really dont know what you’re capable of when you’re hurt.

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closer-stars · 5 years ago

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Hoping - Seonghwa

Member: Seonghwa Genre: Angsty ig (Seonghwa doesn’t hurt you don’t worry) Content: Food, mentions of cheating, the word ‘shit’ appears one, please give seonghwa a chance. Note: This got long and my music has been hitting me harder than needed so Oops.

He had a feeling that the guy you were seeing was going to be trouble. Even if he wanted to tell you of his concerns about them, he didn’t have the heart to do so. How could he when he hasn’t seen you smile that big, that bright in so long? The raven haired male had a wish that it would be for him but it was a selfish wish. That smile wasn’t for him but for someone else.

Until you caught them cheating on you.

It wasn’t hard to catch them red handed, the quick pecks hoping no prying eyes would catch them while they strolled the mall. Your ex told you earlier that he wouldn’t be able to see you that day due to personal stuff arising. Who knew that the personal stuff would be rekindling with an old flame? You froze on your spot at the sight. It took a few moments before you regained some sort of consciousness and took a photo of them acting all sweet and lovely. It made you want to vomit. Your feet lead you out the mall as you send the photo to your ex, with two words that signalled the end of the relationship. Your fingers then create another message to your old friend, hoping he was free to get you through this pain.

Seonghwa was at your place faster than you expected. It only flashed in your head that he had a spare key which explains the food being set up on the table. You toss your bag somewhere on the couch, and find yourself leaning against his frame.

“Hey.”

“Hey to you too, sweetie.” His gaze lands on you and he notices how you look like a flower that’s doing their best not to wilt but he says nothing. He gestures for you to eat with him and you accept it without hesitance.

HIs term of endearment surprisingly brings a smile on your lips, though it was one that carried numbing pain. You couldn’t get yourself to cry or to talk in detail about what happened. The only things in your mind were food and wanting this day to end. Both of you ate in silence, you appreciated how he never pushes you to talk, letting you be and process what had happened on your own before talking to him. But as you ate, he notices you on your phone.

“You better not be trying to reach out to him.” His tone high with concern.

“I’m not. I’m deleting everything from and about him.” Your voice sounds strained, and it wasn’t from the food. You toss your phone somewhere on the couch, a part of you not caring if your phone cracks.

The male’s eyes were obvious with how he didn’t buy your words but the way you toss your phone made him know to drop the topic. On regular circumstances where you bluff, he would’ve given you his signature judgmental look, complete with raised brows. It didn’t take long for the both of you to clean up and decide on what to watch. Truthfully speaking, it was background noise as your mind rang with noise louder than the laptop. You had your limbs practically wrapped around his torso and Seonghwa lets you do as you please. He knew how much of a baby koala you’d become when you were sad. Eventually, he changes your position, and puts you in front of him, wrapping his arms around your waist. It was as if he was making a vow to protect you from anything that tries to hurt you in the future.

That’s when it hits you. Tears start falling from your unblinking eyes and your body starts to shake as you try to stifle the sobs that threaten to spill forth. Your head hangs low, not wanting Seonghwa to see the pain that you’ve tried to brush off. You were supposed to be strong and composed, all your friends viewed you as someone who was immovable by anything that tried you. Yet here you were: needing hugs, comfort, and healing. All of which were being given by the man whose lips brush against your temple, his hand running through your hair down to your back, who then positions you to cry against his chest. He lets you cry as much as you needed. He doesn’t tell you to stop crying. He lets you break down your walls and control because it’s needed for you to build yourself up again. He’s going to be there to make sure you bounce back from this.

On the other hand, he hates seeing you like this. He’s seen you cry more than once but he can only count on one hand how many times you’ve cried tears that weren’t of happiness. Tonight needed his second hand to count. He wanted to find your ex, to fight and drill sense and basic decency into his head. There was no word in the dictionary that could perfectly encompass the anger he feels towards your ex. For you, Seonghwa was ready to raise hell and heaven to see you smile.

He tells you it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel pain. It’s okay to feel like shit over a relationship you’ve poured your everything into. He tells you that he won’t find anyone as lovely, dedicated and passionate as you. He never tells you that he wanted to tell you that he was trouble. He tells you that he’s always here for you.

Those words brought out the painful sobs that rack your body, holding onto your friend like he was the only one who could save your life in the middle of an ocean. It hurts to see and hear you in this much pain but he knows that you needed to cry it out, to mourn a lost relationship at least for tonight before he guides you back to your feet for a new start.

Your sobs mellow to even breathing, and he peeks to see you sleeping against him. He manages an exasperated scoff. “Did you just want me to carry you to bed?” He murmurs, studying your tired expressions with quiet affection. His arms manage to weave under your body, carrying you gently to your room. If things happened differently, he would’ve changed your clothes for you but he opts to just remove the make up from your face. ‘Never sleep with makeup on!’ He could hear Hongjoong in his head as his fingers gently wipe your face clean.

Just as he was about to leave you to sleep, your fingers tug weakly at the hem of his shirt. To say he was surprised by the sudden tension at the bottom of his shirt was an understatement.

“Please stay..” Your eyes were still shut but your voice, barely above a whisper.

He couldn’t say no to you, no matter how hard he tried to respect the boundaries of friendships, he just caves in to you so easily. So he does as you plead, carefully placing himself next to you in bed. His arms then open as an invite to have you in them.

“Get some sleep, sweetie. Tomorrow brings new hope for you.”

In his head, he tells you that he hopes you see him as a man soon. For now, he wants you to heal, to bloom and to be strong again. He’ll settle on being just a friend until you were ready to give love another chance. He’ll hold on to the hope that you look at him in a different light in the future.

#ateez seonghwa #ateez scenarios #ateez angst #ateez fluff #can this be considered fluff #o well #seonghwa pls confess soon thank u #seonghwa #ateez #my writings

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nott-emotionally-stable · 4 years ago

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weok, not to nitpick or anything, but i feel like the information here has been cherry picked or outright false. and a lot of the future was left open-ended bc the characters mostly only described the next few months-years, probably to leave room for interpretation, along with future one-shots. i understand that some people prefer to have an ending with all the questions answered, but the characters and their arcs weren't just thrown out the window at the very end.

artagan said that he would always be with jester (through sprinkle) and that jester is the most special person he's ever met, and he cares about her above all others, but that he has some other plans to fuck around with exandria, so he might not constantly be with her.

unless im very much mistaken, fjord literally asked jester if she wanted to come to sea with him. jester, who didn't have any immediate plans, who loves fjord and craves adventure, decided that she would love to join him. she gets to meet vandren (which she's been wanting to do for a while), travel the world, and just have fun with the love of her life. and if you think that jester could become a backround character in someone else's story, then we just have two completely different versions of her in our heads.

caduceus doesn't end up forgotten by the nein. caduceus just has different plans than the rest of the nein; he would like to take care of his garden and spend time with his family for the first time in forever, whereas they would like to live elsewhere or accomplish other goals. he actually specifically states that some of his trips from the grove are visiting the rest of the nein. and the nein seemed to LOVE the blooming grove (as well as caduceus obviously), so it seems silly to me to automatically assume that bc nobody specifically roleplayed visiting the grove that they just would never see it again and forget about cad.

veth spent a long time thinking about what she wanted to do in terms of her family. sure, for a long time, she was hesitant to leave a life of adventure. however, there was a gradual shift over many episodes in how she talked about her future. and then like 5-10 eps ago, she actually promised her husband that this was going to be her last fight. because, when you think about it, she hasn't spent any prolonged periods of time with her family since they were all captured by goblins years ago. and she opens up an apothecary shop with her husband and runs a summer camp to train young adventurers, so idk how that is considered a housewife, but go off ig.

it's not canon that the detective agency didn't happen. in fact, jester mentioned it to veth before she left with fjord. that part of the story was left open-ended. maybe that could be a cool one-shot.

it's dissapointing that we didn't get molly back, i was actually really upset about that. but narratively, i personally think it does make sense. mollymauk was a fragment of lucien that was nurtured a specific way to make him the way he was. kingsley had a different set of circumstances and his "healing" process was abruptly accelerated by greater restoration. and i was surprised by how much i love kingsley, but he will never be a replacement for molly.

matt and liam both thought they made the relationship clear, but they didn't effectively communicate that to the rest of us. according to them, it took a couple years before the two were ready, but they did enter a romantic relationship with each other, and then after a number of years, decided to break it off bc of the aging difference, but stayed lifelong friends. i would've liked to have a scene when they were together, but i understand that mightve been difficult for the two of them to roleplay after abruptly cutting to years later. im not going to comment on liam because i do not know him personally and i am not going to pretend to.

also with liam, i would like to add that he literally did what he set out to do at the beginning of the campaign. he was able to finally take down trent and created a task force to help root out the corruption of the assembly. he discovered a way to turn back time, and was able to bring closure to that desire of his, even if it didn't look how he originally planned it to. he teaches kids magic in a productive way and is ending to cycle of abuse, staying close to make sure no one else goes through what he did.

all essek has to do is disguise himself in public or use the transmogrification spell. like yeah, he distanced himself from the dynasty, but again, a lot of this was left open-ended.

again, beau and yasha's future was left open-ended. but we know they love each other very much, we get to meet yasha's old tribe, and beau is a valued member of the cobalt sol and is rooting out corruption in the assembly, which is a very important value for her. and no offense, but i don't know how to explain to you that people don't need to have huge, extensive plans to change the world in order to have a fulfilling life. yasha, like veth, has had enough violence and adventure for a lifetime. she's allowed to want to settle down with the woman she loves, and be able to finally rest. that's allowed.

So according to my dash and all of the asks I’ve been sent, CR really did go for the darkest timeline ending for literally every character.

Jester starts to lose touch with Artagan and ends up following Fjord around, without him ever once asking what she wants, basically becoming a background character in his happily ever after.

Caduceus ends up being basically forgotten by the Nein, travelling alone.

Veth goes back to being a housewife, which she has previously said wouldn’t be enough for her anymore, and the detective agency doesn’t end up happening.

Turns out, they didn’t actually get Molly back.

Caleb and Esseks relationship is kept incredibly vague, without confirmation of whether or not it’s romantic, typical of Liam with mlm relationships, but people are desperately grasping at straws anyway. Also Essek has to spend his entire life in hiding.

We get absolutely no hint as to what the rest of Beau and Yashas life looks like. Yasha has absolutely no plans or interests except following Beau.

Talk about going out with a whimper rather than a bang,

#sorry if i come off as harsh or rude #but i care a lot about this story and i think it was a pretty good ending #sure i wouldve done some things differently #but the cast members cant please everyone #and for the most part #i think they stayed true to the characters and told a pretty damn good story #and all the open threads just make me more excited for one shots and fanfic #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers

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sincerelybillie · 7 years ago

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on liking yourself when others dislike you

do you think you could handle knowing, at the rate and visibility of social media “likes” and praise, how many people cannot stand you? i think about this often - how i myself do sometimes quantify and qualify my work and my worth based on the affirmation i receive, read and hear. and years of self-growth and self-love aside, to look at yourself through rose-coloured glasses isn’t any much healthier than picking at the scabs of your own insecurities. whether you’re healed or not, you’re not above self-examination. i’m really learning that these days.

there’s a lot to unpack here, so i hope you’re comfy. because i’m about to get uncomfy.

and again, the thoughts burst to the forefront of my brain and again i, in the paralysis and then dull pain of honest self-reflection, spat them down as bullet points. things that sting just as much removing an old and actual bullet from a body that’s gotten too accustomed to its own damage and romanticized being a warrior whose bones can no longer be broken w sticks, stones, or anything for that matter. but none of us are that untouchable. we wouldn’t be human.

in middle school, stephanie and sarah started a myspace comment thread about my eczema and how they didn’t want to be near me in the locker rooms during P.E. because they didn’t want to have “lizard skin” like me. i found out about their lifetime movie school bully behaviour after they’d been discussing me for weeks (which was honestly weirder than any skin condition i had? you’re preteen girls obsessively talking about my mostly naked prepubescent body that experiences dry skin sometimes? which isn’t contagious?) anyways, they both ended up having severe, cystic acne for much of their teenhood, and i always felt secure in knowing karma did a much better job than any revenge i could have employed at such a young age. i’d known stephanie since we were in first grade, and sarah was one of the “bad girls” who started wearing excessive eyeliner and push up bras before the rest of us. i guess stephanie felt like she needed to invest in something like that, for social currency. sarah got beat up a few times, i think, because other girls caught word of her trash talking. i think stephanie knew how to be strategic in her associations and never actually had to be held accountable for being shitty. i don’t know what happened to either of them, but i remember being really smug about my clear skin and the state of their faces when i found them on facebook in high school. this wasn’t productive. this didn’t make me a good person. and i guess i just always wanted to believe anyone who didn’t like me was in the wrong and would receive a cosmic consequence for being a dick to me.

let’s head to my early twenties where my first full time job with an organization i spent two years with showed me i was wrong. there were still coworkers who disliked me for really petty reasons, who still acted like spiteful and gossipy middle school bullies or were passive aggressive towards me for reasons that really didn’t make anymore sense than hating me for my allergies did. but i did have to hear and internalize and change the fact that i was too aggressive in my work ethic, isolated people who i felt didn’t work as hard as me, didn’t open up to people because i came across like nobody was worth knowing me or being trusted, was too opinionated, verbose, competitive, elitist. i couldn’t believe i could be considered these things, and anyone who called me that must have really misunderstood my commitment and my values. they were stupid and wrong. i was right. there was nothing for me to change here. but i was wrong because even if some of them had discussed me behind my back in separate group chats, behaved unprofessionally towards me, or stopped interacting w me entirely outside of mandated work environments, it didn’t automatically invalidate any and all other feedback they could have given me. it didn’t lose its legitimacy just because it was coming from someone i didn’t consider a friend with valuable insight. and because i placed so much value on the connections and thoughts of people i mutually respected, knew, and trusted, it was hard to swallow truths handed out by strangers, estranged friends, acquaintances or people i just thought sucked.

i stifled my own growth by not listening to them because i thought loving myself and hearing what people who aren’t cool with me had to say were mutually exclusive. i chose to only hear half the conversation because that’s what served me. because only hearing criticisms and insults was so poor for my mental health, that i had to swing the pendulum as hard as i could in the other direction. and that may have felt better most of the time, but it didn’t make me better long-term.

at the benefit of my sanity in this digital age, i don’t see who or how many people ignore my snapchat stories, screenshot my ig stories or discuss them when i’m not around, hate what i post, roll their eyes at my captions, or click thumbs down on my youtube videos, whether or not they watched the whole thing. but i know that people do it. i know some people choose to continue following me on social media or being friends w me because they want that mutual follow, despite never really interacting w me - positively or otherwise - on the particular platform. it’s a numbers game. they hate seeing their follower count drop more than they hate seeing me. i know i’ve been blocked, unfriended, and called names i can’t respond to before they press that button, a power move to get the last word in that i myself am guilty of using. my ex boyfriend made a hate account for me when we broke up. my numbers drop a little by a couple people on different platforms almost immediately after i share something that i guess people determine is enough of seeing me and my opinons on their timelines or feeds. my roommates talk about me and hide their ig stories from me. one of them reads my tweets, but doesn’t follow me, but she's given me a lot of valuable insight and feedback herself; the other throws temper tantrums, so i know where to put more relationship energy based on maturity and respect. i can’t explain human behaviour, my own or theirs when it comes to this. i could obsess over what possible reason anyone could have to decide to do these things. i could obsess over what possible reason anyone could have to think i’m not incredible. and that’s pathetic of me to do so, to assume so.

so many things could be a blow to the ego if i let it matter enough. but how do you know when something is insignificant and when something is a sign? my impatience w what i consider “poor performance” has made me seem pretentious, unapproachable, and aloof. so i built up my empathy muscle, i started sharing how things made me feel, what i needed from people, asking them what they needed from me, listening, giving - and that has made a monumental difference in my relationships. i have less of them now (relationships), because it is not a numbers game, but the ones i have i enjoy and i put the work in to grow and maintain, like any other garden, talent, muscle, bond. if i care enough and because i care.

apathy isn’t cool. we are not above being hurt or taking it personally, wondering what we did wrong instead of just as often deciding that person is trash anyways. so good riddance. ha ha, quality over quantity, yeah i’m never wavering from that perspective!

but i do waver because as (un)fortunate, (in)convenient, confusing, or exciting as it can be, these perceptions of “what makes me great”, “why does everyone hate me”, “i’m good enough”, “i’m untouchable”, and “i’m trash” are fluid. influenced by read receipts, break ups, little to no interaction w people you have shared laughs and important times with, technology, celebrities and pop culture, childhood flashbacks, adulthood anxieties, etc.

i’m still trying to make sense of this all. maybe you are where i am at on some or many days as well. i hope i, and you (but i can really only speak for myself, i have to remind myself on this blog) can understand what makes me a remarkable person doesn’t scream louder than the parts i should work on, doesn’t shine so much that i don’t need touch ups or entire renovations of how i act, think, and treat myself and others.

and adversely, people can dislike me because they dislike themselves or because they’re generally bad people w bad taste…or they can dislike me because there are things that i do, real behaviours that are mine, that are dislikable. bad. ugly. allowed to be criticized. allowed to be unwanted.

i can do something about them or i can let my precious, problematic ego inflate while my potential for growth and reconcilable, worthwhile relationships deteriorate. why do i preserve what i preserve? why do i overlook what i overlook? scoffs, tears, eye rolls, thank you’s, hugs.

i have all this self-awareness and all these options. i just don’t have the foresight to know what is the correct button to press. maybe part of growing up is just taking that journey, for all its guts and glory, because we’re not entitled to the ending we think we deserve. we experience the consequences of our actions, the actions of others, sometimes we get lucky, we get better, we get hurt. i have to be okay w all that, i have to learn and never stop learning from all that. even if, no matter what i become or do or say, people still decide they don’t like me.

after all, the end game isn’t likability, despite how sick these social media games can make us. my end game, my always game is just growth, goodness, the willingness to experience the refreshing pain of honest self-evaluation and re-calibration. as much as i can see greatness in myself, i’m not above being told there’s something ugly and bad that needs to be looked at too. removed.

maybe this isn’t enough for the people reading who don’t like me. is it insincere? irresponsible? i’m not here to please you or get you to like me; i need to be better, no matter what. this is the truth of how i feel and what i’ve been thinking.

yes, i like myself. enough to see past mindless hate and not change myself to accommodate others, but also enough to recognize when i need to make real change for everyone’s benefit of being/knowing a better me.

this is what needed to be said.

#personal #self worth #self love #psychology #self esteem #digital age #social media #self hate #bullying #instagram #snapchat #facebook #relationships #friendships #advice #thoughts #feelings

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ts-akhmim · 5 years ago

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Episode 8 | ”Being a muppet is a contagious disease. ” - Ali

omg so?! i need to do a proper long confessional and go through my thoughts because i just got like a tsunami of information but... jake lived?! and idoled out scott who i thought was gonna win?! hello?!? i'm so so so excited because now i get to work with jake and he is SUCH a shield, and me/him/autumn are gonna ride off into the sunset im manifesting it.

what the HELL is going on here first jake pulls out an idol (which i was JUST gossipping with jordan pines about him having it because i know just how he plays and would ya look at that!) i was so ELATED to read he did that, thinking ok, i gave him a fair warning those false beauties we're gonna get us all, and they voted him unanimously so surely he'll take one of them out and ... HE TAKES OUT SCOTT?? i dont even have time to process this bafoonery yet because here i am, minding my business, trying to watch micronesia to heal the hole in my heart left by w*nners at w*r, eating a piece of pizza and then BOOM we merge?? but oh ok! they said we get a nice little break, lemme not stress and go back to eating my piz- NOPE THERE IS SO SUCH THING AS A BREAK IN SURVIVOR GORL I SWEAR I PUT MY PHONE DOWN TO GET ONE BITE, I COULDNT EVEN ENJOY MY EXTRA CHEESE BECAUSE MY TELEPHONE IS BLOWING UPPPP people are spilling tea left and right, i probably dont even have time to write this so i gotta keep it short and sweet; the false beautys are really trying to slide in my pms and sing kumbaya and if they wanna sing with me, bring it on because they are not a songstress like i am, ill riff run and harmonize yall right off this island. PERIOD. ive been REALLY trying to play up this card where im just some dumb bitch, let everyone keep thinking im the mayor of boo boo the foolsville, but i know a lot more than i let on so catch the tea on that

i swear for it being our "day off" this sure has been the most work i feel like ive had in a hot minute first of all fuck the tomb but FUCK this pyramid even more the second it was announced i found the extra link to the slide puzzle on the blog within SECONDS but 1) i suck at slide puzzles and 2) MY COMPUTER CRASHED HALF WAY THROUGH IT SO I HAD TO START AGAIN. literally took me 2 hours to finish, so that was embarrassing, then much like how the tomb had questions, this pyramid has a hashi puzzle to solve in EIGHT MINUTES....which i dont even know what the fuck that is sorry to this hashi man i gave a good effort but didnt get it in time, so im gonna try again tomorrow of course but im sure someone who isnt a dumbass had better luck than me and got it so thats that on that ....also gorl some of these people aka kendall really got the audacity, she messages me today and is like IS JAKEY COMING TO YOU SAYING STUFF ABOUT ME TRYING TO PIT US AGAINST EACH OTHER oh gorl, if only you knew its ME going to jakey saying shit about YOU trying to get him against YOU, because your first mistake was trying to prepare an alliance to vote me out, your second mistake was running around telling everyone i have an idol, and your third mistake was making an enemy of jakey, now there's this angry jakey on the loose and im gonna just try to work my magic to tame him and keep him like a pet dragon on my side to get them out and then deal with whether i think ill be able to trust him going foward, but again, i know i voted him out last game so i cant rule out him trying to target me already, especially if somehow worst case scenerio people try to pick us off first for knowing each other also had a call with augusto which was.... interesting, look, i genuinely like him as a person even though i still feel some type of way about him turning fake on me, so i definitely want to maintain a friendship with him even if it's hard for me to just stomach talking to him because of how stupid he must think i am, keep your friends close but your frenemys closer!! then i just had a call with devon too which was also interesting because, i do like him as a person, but idk how to feel about it!!! after all of them lying to me in the beginning im already feeling PTSD and dont know if i can trust anyone, but he gave me some valuable information even more so just reaffirming them all thinking i have the idol which i know is a crock of bs because DAMMIT IVE TRIED I JUST DONT HAVE IT. I know amir has it, it's so obvious to me, maybe augusto?? but i think amir. apparently devon also just kinda said he think he could see the first vote coming down to me or jakey or even him which.......makes me really nervous, i wasnt planning on fighting for immunity at the auction i wouldve rather had an advantage of some sort, but i think with this cast, and the amount of intertwined relationships going into this first tribal, i want that immunity necklace and im gonna do my damndest to get it OKAYYY this game is going to drive me insane, i feel like ive been running my mouth TOO much and talking to too many people and am gonna get voted out for it but i also simultaneously feel like i havent talked to people no where near enough and, am gonna be voted out for it so ???buckle the fuck up ladies we've officially boarded the confusion express so im just gonna try and sit back and enjoy the ride ig

Welp we are on the bottom... shit. I'm going to be honest, this week has not been great for me. Like my real life is slowly going to shit and now my fake life has been screwed. Thanks Jakey... you dick. All is not lost, because out there in the distance is the iconic duo of Jordan Pines and Kendall Duffy AKA Sarah and Woo. You know, Sarah and Woo. That iconic duo in Cagayan. Remember that one time Sarah walked up to Woo and said "Sup I'm Sarah," and he nodded and said "Woo". And that other time they were sitting on the same log laughing at something Tony said? That is stuff of legends man. Okay so genuinely Jordan meant to say Tony and Woo but he accidentally said Sarah and Woo and now this is our legacy. The plan is to play it both ways. As this isn't going to be a simple Pangonging. Obviously a beauty is going to leave but before we all go, they are going to try to get rid of some of the brawns. The goal is that the beauty isn't me and the brawn isn't Jordan. I know you're legally not supposed to trust Jordan Pines but it's never really been the case for me? IDK maybe it's cause he always gets sniped before I betray him. Maybe it's cause the one time he voted me out it was cause I committed suicide by cop. But for the most part he's a realible ally. Also this would be a shitty and stupid lie right? Like he knows I don't have an idol, literally everyone knows that! Trying to get in my good graces is a terrible fucking idea, Jesus. Right now I'm just going to market myself and the others as a free vote. I know it's not realistic to get Augusto and Amir to the finals but it's all I really want. We've been through shit together. I don't want to be put in a position to get them out. I also believe that either Jakey and Ali has the idol. So this round I'm going to flush it. I'm not going to be able to get him out, I just need him to believe he's going to be voted out. He's a very paranoid individual, it shouldn't be too difficult.... I am not going home tonight. I refuse to.

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okay so i haven't done a good typed confessional in a WHILE and i have thoughts. so i'm basically really frustrated with a lot of this tribe and i don't know how to vocalise it. but first the positives.. the fact that i have an alliance of me/autumn/jake brings me such a rush of seretonin, i love them both and i will fight my hardest to get the three of us to the endgame of this game. i think rn my goal final five is me/jake/autumn/adam/devon, adam because i dont think he is playing this game as well as he necessarily thinks he is, but i also think we have trust and he is someone who is scoop-up-able? and then devon i get good energy from him and his straightforward energy i'd like to see in the endgame. the rest however.... whew. well actually Liam is fine, he is sweet and doing his best. of the rest tho... hmm. kendall's energy doesn't quite land with me, her dry sense of humour doesn't really work with me ha so i feel like we are gonna struggle to gel as allies (especially since we are either side of the weird brawn/beauty divide). augusto is very chatty but its a lot of chatting for... the sake of it, like his social game is to just overwhelm you with lots of messages but its nothing of substance. amir i actually like!! he has me-energy, i would actually like him to stick around (he is a good shield too). duncan i am still sus about from premerge, but i'd love to mend that bond because i might need duncan?! tj and jordan both give snake energy... tj is suddenly back to being non-commital with me and it frustrates me, i wish he would like... talk to me KJLSADF. jordan is the same i always get weird energy from him and he was in that weird alliance during the swap and didn't tell me... feel a f10 boot for jordan ideally. honestly its just frustrating i feel like everyone on this tribe is so cagey and like just thinks talking a lot is social game?! and its... not. but yeah ideally first four merge boots: kendall, augusto, tj & jordan (tho the last two is open to consideration if they stop being shady to me KJSDFA).

I just got immunity in the auction and I feel like I wasted a chance to get some long term for my game. Because I wasn't going anywhere this round (I don't think), but like at least it prevented some other people from getting it which allows me some room to make a couple moves without too many repercussions. In terms of social standing, I truly think I have put myself in a good spot. Jakey and Jordan have both said they want me to be their number ones; Devon also has said the same and has told me that he holds the Double Vote. I know that Autumn and Duncan are both willing to work with me in our alliance with Jordan. Liam and I have bonded quite a bit. And I get good vibes from Augusto, Kendall, and Adam. So the big question now is, my target at the moment is Amir... how do I get him out? I need to break up Amir, Augusto, and Kendall so that I have a better chance of working with Augusto specifically down the line and hopefully Kendall as well. I have a feeling that Adam will push for one of the trio and the trio will push for Adam or Jakey, which should give me plenty of ammo to try and make that move. Correction to my last confessional... the trio can't target Jakey because he's immune. Suck it!

i really... really just got my second idol huh... i cant believe it. i bodied that idol hunt, i sat their trying like six hundred combos for the morse code, got that demonic tile and did that evil hashi puzzle... im so happy hehe okay so ignore my super jaded confessional from yesterday im back in again akdjfsaf im literally on a reign of terror doing harsh confessionals then apologising but askdjfafa we move. so yesterday was a real busy day, we had the auction, i called lots of people and... i got myself a little bit of bling. with the auction first, it was really interesting. i misunderstood the "idol block" so i snatched it up, but then it just blocks hunting for the idol versus playing one, but for my mental health am glad i have that. i also got the vote revealer, which was like a mid-tier thing that im happy to have just got a second thing tbh. then i had like six hundred calls kaljsdfas. i called with devon first, he is really sweet and we had a great talk tbh? i really like him and hope we stick together. i did then go on to have very similar conversations to the one i had with him, with augusto and amir, but i felt best about the conversation me and devon had tbh. augusto is sweet, and very social. like i'd prefer to vote him to kendall, but i like him ha and feel like we have a bond now. i think i could be a good number moving forwards (i wouldn't want him gone 11th/10th). amir is also very nice, we are calling tomorrow, and i just dont think targetting amir is in my best interest rn? like what's the end goal in doing that. so then right now. i think i want the merge vote to be kendall? i feel like if we let that trio slide, its scary, and i have a closer connection to amir and augusto of the three. i think then the brawn tribe can turn inwards, but im eager to push the brawn tribe like "implosion" until after that trio is taken apart (to the style of splitting up alex c/jones/mo from montenegro) also otherwise i got an IDOLLL, or rather my second hehe. i put in a LOT of work to get it, i translated morse code, i did a demonic hashi puzzle, i got the 2048 tile. i earned this idol and im very proud. now i have two idols so have such wiggle room. and i'm building bonds across the tribe... im not saying im set, but... im covered for the time being

okay so im a clown and got frustrated with jordan for telling jake he was hesitant to keep me in... jordan just told me he has been downplaying our connection to people like jake KJLSDAFA so i fully just bought into nothing.

i am starting to feel my standing in the game rise, like im building bonds... everywhere. like im starting to become set to go the distance because i have lots of lowkey social bonds and because im not overtly super strategic i dont think i seem as threatening.

okay so ideal merge bootlist: f4: me/autumn/jake/devon, adam (5th), liam/jordan (6th/7th), amir (8th), duncan (9th), augusto (10th), tj (11th), kendall (12th) and then at the moment the order i would vote for people as a juror (bringing this back from montenegro): jake > autumn > amir > jordan > duncan(?) > devon > augusto > adam > tj > kendall > liam because i think jake has already idoled someone, and to make it to f3 after that is super impressive. autumn is a queen, has real strategic savvy and will have made moves to get to the end. amir is very much like autumn and him making it to the end. jordan is an amazing player and tbh deserves a win. duncan is really in game-mode and id love to see him in FTC (what a role reversal), devon has a real rootable underdog story, augusto is a social king, adam needs to pick it up beyond just targetting beauties to get my vote. tj/kendall are question marks for me, and then liam i LOVE but he doesn't necessarily 100% want to be here so i would be tentative to vote him. but its crazy because i think: jake/autumn/devon/adam/liam/jordan/amir/duncan... all trust me to some extent that's... such a large portion of the tribe. so i need to be careful im not scorning people too much, but this is a real work-able situation i think ahh

Interesting development that both Kendall and Amir want/wanted to call and talk to me. I just finished talking to Kendall (she is so sweet, I enjoy talking to her!) and I definitely see an avenue where we work together, but I am concerned that there does seem to be a guard up, which I totally understand given that we haven't been on a tribe together. We both kind of mentioned that Liam has been flirting with the idea of asking to be voted out which gave me an avenue to not say that the name I would throw out is Amir. I do hope that Liam isn't adamant about going because I truly do care for him and want him to stay in this game. I picked up a great ally in him after the initial Brawn vote and losing him now won't be fun. It does dispel this Brawn alliance people probably expect to be happening, but am I at ease with Liam going to facilitate that? But if that happens, that delays the fight between Adam/Jakey against the trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall, which in fact would be good for me as it allows me to slide by for another week... ugh, decisions decisions. Why do I feel like this first vote could determine the rest of my game?

So Liam still wants to be in the game, which is good. I can easily work with that. Yes, I feel awful telling Kendall I thought the vote would be Liam, but now that he seems to want to be in the game, I think I can work with Liam possibly staying. I still have to wait it out and listen to what some others think, but I may be back on the board of going for one of the trio. I know Jakey wants to do Kendall, but I don't want her to go just yet. Eventually, yeah probably, but I do want her here.

Whew merge merge merge. Tonight is the first night to play my legacy advantage, i could block a vote but honestly im probably not going to. Id be pretty caught off guard if i was the target tonight and I think id rather let it fester to an idol, whether for me or someone else later tha depends on my game play. Last night was the auction and boy did jordan win big, i got a whole vote steal that im pretty sure no one knows about. I created a believable (i think) lie about what i bid on and spread and thankfully adam came out the gate with a super fact checkable lie about the auction so i think most of the heats on him. For the vote it could be a beauty butpart of me really sees liam going home just cause people are so scared of how many brawn are in the game, and like thats fine i can deal with that. I am slowly building my relationships to the point where i can get the ball rolling enough to do some damage. Ive been biding my time in the shadows for most of this game, but Jordan Pines is about to rise!

this round is what we call a mixed bag like the auction? hated that girl. I saved my money and all I got was a drawing like sis this is the Survivor Auction not an actual auction ;-; but other than that, I’ve felt really good about how I’ve been playing? Like always, I’m trying to be the Belle of the Ball and have everyone want me as a date yknow? Currently, I have my main allies (Amir, Kendall, Devon) but others (Autumn, Duncan, Ali, Jordan, Jakey) have expressed that they want to work with me which is cute! I don’t know who to trust tho ngl but yay? My main priority is getting my footing in the game this first round and hopefully getting out a Brawn. The main two I want gone from the Brawns are Liam M and Jordan Pines. Liam M is the easier sell and I don’t mind that, Jordan Pines is someone I want gone soon though. I also want Adam gone if at all possible sometime soon but we shall see!

i take it back jordan and duncan can go again...? literally like both of them preach up and down that we are gonna work together, then pull shady stuff like saying me and adam are a duo in their alliance chat of gremlins with love of my life autumn and professional robot tj?! literally just because y'all linked up at swap and think you are gods gift to alliances doesnt mean me and adam are a duo? i just talk to him and actually give him a chance in this game unlike like... 99% of this cast. now i cant really defend adam at all or people are gonna try and snap my neck? which sucks... adam was in my endgame but because i see him having a losing finalist arc versus me being a duo with him. so that sucks but well. it just reconfirms to me that i have to trust autumn. which is not hard because i literally love her sm and i want to see thrive in this season. so i am praying it works out. this cast continues to prove that being a muppet is a contagious disease.

im absolutely LIVID right now.... i dont even know where to begin ?? let's start with this: are we playing SURVIVOR or are we playing america's next top CLOWN?? because based on how silly all these people are it doesnt seem like survivor. this is my 3rd time playing this game, and never once have i ever made it to a merge where .... every single person wants to just settle on one name since they're the "easy" vote.... and yet that's all im being told with people wanting to vote liam?? at this point i hope the plan is to vote ME out and everyone is just telling me liam because i dont want to play the game with a bunch of feeble minded school of fish who have no backbone. first of all everyone has wanted to do nothing but play that ANNOYING ass "ooh its been quiet i havent heard a name yet" game for the entire day. We're 3 hours before tribal and all the sudden everyone wants to sing kumbaya and vote for liam??? because he's not around, which guess what it does make him an easy vote but....this is survivor why would you EVER vote that person off in the merge right away, he can literally go next or any other time. I refuse to sit back and just conform to it, ill probably end up having to, but im gonna try to push what to ME makes the most sense, not only for myself but for everyone... to get one of those 3 false beautys out. I've been going to a lot of people and basically saying "Let me break it down for you: one of them 150% has the idol??? and thanks to the suvivor auction, and based on what ive gathered from people they probably have advantages too.....why waste this vote being "easy" because then next round....they're gonna know it'll be one of them and so......they're gonna play all their shit and take someone out, and i absolutely reserve the right to laugh at whoever it is because theyre an idiot and didnt want to wake up and play the game (unless it's me of course oop) I've approached, jakey, autumn, duncan, jordan, ali, devon, tj, pretty much ANYONE who has a brain to just state the obvious.....its stupid getting liam out. literally the stupidest and quite frankly downright embarrassing move to make for a group of players of this caliber. and you know what responses ive gotten? "oh its too soon to rock the boat" "we have to get one of those brawns out" "yeah we just have to go with the brains on this one" ??? too soon??? at merge??????? to play the game of survivor??????????? at this point im about to try and just tell liam with the very slim chance that he has an idol and can use it on himself because how am i supposed to try and play the game of survivor with people who dont want to play its frustrating. **update as i was writing this i just had a call with jordan pines, im not as mad anymore after smoking weed with him for like 20 minutes ahfdd but its BORING LIKE WAKE UP PEARL LETS PLAY SURVIVOR...i probably made a big mistake pushing those 3 to as many people as i just did but whatever hopefully it at least planted seeds with people and people actually try and approach me in the future rounds with that idea again in other news, the auction happened and i got the power to go to the prejuror island and plead my case with them regarding this next vote, no one was even there so that was lovely i felt like i was talking to myself so nothing new there, i peeped connor was online but didnt have anything to say when i showed up, much like how he never had anything good to say in the game and that's why he was voted out, but ANYWAY. im pissed i made a case to them to vote for amir and now no one will even make the move with me. I also bought a challenge advantage which i wanted MOSTLY so i could just tell people thats what i got from it because to me i suck at challenges anyway, so it shouldnt paint as much of a target on my back and i want people to know i dont have one of those really scary ones (and i also want to keep making people think amir or kendall has something good), but ali did confide in me he has the vote reveal which made me trust him a lot more, and i dont plan on revealing to anyone what he told me so anywho, tribal is NOT gonna go my way tonight, i tried to make a move but liam is unfortunately completely unsaveable because he's not around even though i do like talking to him personally, i opened the door to people and it just got slammed in my face but in this game you have to learn when to drop it so im hoping i dropped it fast enough to not be a future target because people could still very well vote me out next because they'd be taking out the only real beauty left!

tj, jordan and duncan are all going home as soon as possible. they really think they are slick and they are not. they think they can badmouth me, my game and my position and it wont get back to me. there is a word for it and it is clownery. one of them is going to get to stepping really soon. maybe jordan.

also i cant be too mad at liam because im voting him but i wish it wasnt like this. well. what can you do. if he plays an idol im playing mine.

Now that we're told the right day... Well, it looks like most people are back on the Liam Train, and damn I really don't want this move to be made. Like, yes, it will set me up well moving forward: less "Brawn Alliance" hype, more battles between Adam/Ali vs. Beauty Babes, and a decent amount of social mobility for me. But this just feels like a giant waste and I don't know how to stop this at this rate.

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First of all: YAASSSSSSSS WE LOVE MAKING THE MERGE!!!! I’ve gotten over my Scott grief and actually am pretty content with him out of the game since he was a big contender to win it all. The time I’ve been able to spend talking to people has been amazing and I feel like I genuinely have a good relationship with everyone on the tribe besides Liam, which is why I’m happy to see him go. He’s a really nice guy but he’s not adding anything to my game. I expect the vote to go 11-1-1 tonight. I could always get idoled out or blindsided and that would suck but you try your best and do what you can! I think I have EXCELLENT relationships with Amir, Jordan and Autumn and that’s like the kingpins of each group so if someone comes after me hopefully I’ll hear about it one way or another. I need to get my head out of Amir’s ass though, I’m most excited to play with him and we called for literally 2 hours and 50 minutes yesterday. I’ve always thought he was cute and intelligent from when I was in the community before and I fangirled getting to play with him. I like to think I’m in a good position in this game so far, we’ll see as the game progresses. One last thing? ADAM!? SIS?!?! EVERYONE IS AWARE YOU LIED TO THEM! YOUR ASS IS GOING HOME NEXT! PERIODT!! (Hopefully I’ll be here to help vote you out lol

Well, here we are? This is where my game was MADE back in Guyana, however, I clearly don't have a solidified alliance I am willing to take to the end at this stage. We have 5 Brawns, three former winners, a person I voted out in Guyana, two people that voted me out, and a person I tried voting out last round all still in the game. Still, I am going to make the best of it. In the short period of time this game has provided, I have been able to make REALLY solid connections. Not all of them are 100% genuine, but the hope is that they're enough to gain trust and information that I can use to advance my game.

if i go home tonight im gonna lose my marbles

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so basicallyyyy jakey is gathering intel from the other sideand apparently theyre all scared of me, grow up??? im literally harmless wtf

HOHOHOHOOGO WHO WANTS SOME TEA ? SO DUNCAN SPILLED THAT back long ago on original hathor, remember when I was losing my mind thinking aj ratted everything to Adam It was THE TRUTH and I’m glad aj has been dealt with. It’s what he deserves .

adam thinks hes so fucking slick running around telling everyone i gotta go and that i have the idol, and then messaging me in my pms trying to call and have a "tea-spilll uwu" when hes just going to use that against me anywayyyy honey u arent as smart as u think u are, and when the time is right, you're getting crucified ADAM CAME TO ME TO BE LIKE "FUCK JAKEY WON IMMUNITY" and im like "ik :( " and he runs to jakey and goes "THE RATS ARE MAD U WON" mark my words if im leaving this game i will blow him tf up on the way out

these people are all rats ALLIANCE: Threats R Us members: jakey ali autumn Source: jakey ALLIANCE: (name unknown) Members: Autumn Duncan TJ Jordan Source: Autumn so autumn ratted on an alliance to me and not the other, which lets me know that she is far more invested in Ali that she is in Duncan. Working with Duncan is not going to save face with autumn, i have to treat her as a separate entity and work with her genuinely if i want safety from ali, like she sold duncan tj and jordan down a river to me so fast i love her so much, i want to work with her but i have to see how far it goes people i want out : adam tj liam ali jordan but rn ill settle for anyone but me cuz no one is talking to me

devon wanted to talk real quick and tellin me that there was a whole ass plan started by adam to get me out, like say the vote is kendall but actually vote for me, and the plan was entertained by brawn, also i told jakey i have the idol, and jakey told me ali has 2 idols a vote reveal and an idol block

#BackWithVengeance

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notsoivorytower · 7 years ago

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This month, we spoke with Ph.D. candidate and Anzaldúing It podcaster Jackie Cáraves. An L.A. native, Jackie talked to us about navigating life and the ivory tower as a QWOC, first-yen college student, and first-gen grad student in the borderlands. She shares her insights on the LGBTQ Latinx Community, impostor syndrome, code-switiching, and QWOC survival. Follow Jackie on IG @getitgirrl and @anzalduingit !

Hey Jackie! Tell us a bit about yourself and your academic journey. What is your field of study and what does your current research focus on?

I grew up in East Hollywood in Los Angeles with a single mother on welfare and two older brothers. My dad left when I was 18 months old and I’ve only seen him a handful of times throughout my life. As a unit, my mom and my older brothers Martin and Rudy are extremely close. We went through a lot together. My brothers really influenced my journey to academia. Martin showed me that it was possible to go to college by attending UC Berkeley after high school. My brother Rudy tried to provide for us by joining a gang, which really made me question why he had to go through that trauma as a necessary part of our racialized poverty. It made me want to understand the systems that put us all in those really difficult situations. When I went to UC Santa Cruz, I was inspired by my feminist studies classes and latino studies classes. In those classes, I learned about intersectionality and about my own family’s experiences in a systemic way. When I read the works of these chicana feminist scholars, I saw myself and I wanted to be just like them. I wanted to create knowledge and bridge academia and community.

I am currently a PhD Candidate in Chicana/o Studies at UCLA. My research focuses on the experiences of Trans and Gender Non Conforming (GNC) Latina/o/xs. My work really aims to highlight the ways in which Trans and GNC Latina/o/xs embody resilience and so my dissertation will mainly focus on family, chosen family, and spirituality as sources of resilience. I was connected to Bamby Salcedo, the president and CEO of Trans Latin@ Coalition, through a friend. After Bamby and I had developed a repoire, Bamby asked me to work in community with Trans Latin@ Coalition to co-produce the first report about health in the Trans Latinx community. Our report, The State of Trans Health, was published by Trans Latin@ Coalition last year and involved surveying 129 members of the Trans Latinx community all over Southern California. Based off of the work that Bamby and I did, I am conducting more in depth interviews with Trans community members about their methods of resilience.

Can you speak to your experiences as a QWOC in academia? You certainly seem to be vocal about attempting to break down the Ivory Tower. What are some obstacles / inequalities / disadvantages you've encountered and how did you deal with them?

For me being a QWOC in academia has come with imposter syndrome. My mom was only able to obtain an elementary school education. I am a first generation college student and a first generation grad student. So, my background only fills me with doubts about whether I can be an academic and a scholar. As I entered the MA and PhD, I became very uncomfortable being in those spaces, often feeling like I didn't belong or that I wasn't supposed to be there because I somehow felt I wasn't qualified to be there. I felt like someone was going to find out I was truly unqualified and kick me out of the program altogether. Even being in a program like Chicana/o Studies where my peers and professors are all People of Color didn't make it easier. Because ultimately academia is still academia and there is a culture of competition and performance that exists.

Academia is isolating, competitive, and based on production. My cohort is the first Chicana/o Studies Cohort at UCLA and I think we are keenly aware that we are the first. Being the first cohort is special because we are really building the culture of our program. We have tried together to build community, mentorship, and support each other. However, building this culture took time, so the first few years were especially difficult. Now, however, I think my main sources of affirmation and validation are my cohort members and my adviser. We are trying to break down, as much as we can, the sense of competitiveness and alienation that academia puts on grad students.

I also want to use academia to do community work. It is really hard to be authentic in a place that is so competitive and so based in what you “produce.” The ways in which I try to break that is through my scholarship and through my teaching.

You focus on Latin American Studies and have been a big advocate for LGBTQ visibility. Can you tell us more about your goals for implementing your studies within the larger LGBTQ Latinx community?

Being in Chicana/o Studies and Latino Studies, I’ve learned a lot about race, class, and even gender. However, there is a dearth of social science literature that focuses on queer Latinx experiences. We see a lot of that scholarship, specifically chicana lesbian feminist scholarship, be relegated to the humanities. My goal is to bridge the literature and center current Latinx struggles. We have a lot of conversations now about intersectionality but a lot of our conversations have only one or two dimensions and we don’t include queer or trans identities in those conversations. They should. Centering the queer and trans community can help us understand heteronormativity, another structure that oppresses all of us. At least that’s what I want to bring to a university and academic setting.

In terms of the larger Latinx community, I want to use the resources of a university and my own social capital to collect information and make it useful for community members who are trying to empower and elevate themselves. For example, when Bamby and I did this study together last year, we knew what kind of data the study would produce because of our lived experiences. But we wanted to show the results in a printed, digestible way for grassroots organizations to bring to funders, politicians, and community organizers.

After listening to your recently launched podcast, "Anzaldúing It," we knew we had to feature you on Not So Ivory Tower. We appreciate you speaking on your experiences as a QWOC in L.A., touching on issues like being a child of immigrants, welfare, toxic relationships, and self-care. Can you tell us more about this project?

Thank you for listening to the podcast! It brings me so much joy to be talking about the podcast and to be in a place where we are now putting together the 10th episode! The idea of a podcast started with a conversation I was having with my best friend, Angelica Becerra. Earlier this year, I brought up the idea of doing a podcast to Angelica. I suggested it to her because we always come together and have these conversations on our own. What we talk about on the podcast is really how we talk to each other in real life and how we heal and bring joy to our lives. We learn a lot from each other and I just wanted to start recording these moments of our lives that have really felt cleansing and soothing for both of us.

In the podcast we talk about our personal lives, academia, and those things that help us get through: spirituality, astrology, our families (both chosen and not) and food! We never thought that we would have so much interest, but we are so happy and excited that people are listening and that people seem to be taking joy in listening. This podcast is a way for us to stay connected to the world, ourselves, and our community. Especially in times like these, I think we need these brief moments of laughter, love, and honesty, almost as a respite from the news. We are super excited about sharing with you!

In one episode, you talk the roles code-switching and accents play in academia. This seemed like a perfect reflection of Gloria Anzaldúa's writings on performing multiple identities to survive. Can you speak more on your experiences with this?

As I’ve mentioned in the podcast, code switching is something that I have had to learn since I was little. As first generation students, child of immigrants, we learn this from a really early age. We switch from English to Spanish whether we are at school or at home. I also was in very white spaces from middle school and onwards and I learned the different borders I had to cross with my language whether it was with friends, teachers, or at home.

In academia I’ve had to learn a new language. I’ve had to try to find an academic voice that still remains true to who I am. I’ve tried to hold on to the way I speak and not assimilate. I try to keep the way that I speak from growing up in the hood and not try to erase where I come from.

Even though we are talking about language, I’ve also “code-switched” with my gender presentation and with my queerness. Code-switching is often about performance of your different identities and for a long time, I performed femininity because I thought that was what was expected of me. I’ve learned to live more authentically in the last 2 years too in my gender presentation. So in that regard I’m trying not to code-switch in my queerness.

What advice would you give a young QWOC just starting out on her academic journey? Are there any strategies, support systems, or tools that you think would help them navigate academic spaces better?

I would say, find those people that you feel safe with, share with them what you’re going through, and know that you’re going to have to be vulnerable. Community, friends, and family are essential for productivity. Also, don’t look for academia to validate you. It is important to remember that you are not a machine and productivity is not the only marker of your worth. Mental health is a real thing! Go to therapy, ground yourself in spirituality, get the support and help you need. It is important to laugh, love, and heal and try your best to remain true to yourself through this process.

#WOC #wocinacademia #qwoc #qwocinacademia #ucla #podcast #latinx #translatinx #academia

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juniperpublisherscasestudies · 5 years ago

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Juniper Publishers-Open Access Journal of Case Studies

Long-Term Morbidity of Infantile Eczema

Authored by A Cantani

Abstract

Human mankind is aware of the existence of adverse reactions to foods since classical times. Hippocrates (460-370BC) reported urticaria and gastroin¬testinal upset following cow’s milk (CM) ingestion. Lucretius (98-55BC) wrote “Quod aliis cibus est aliis fuat acre venenum”. Galen (131- 219) described allergy to goat’s milk. At the turn of this century the first description of acute shock due to CM al¬lergy was published, and Schloss was the first to evaluate skin tests for the diagnosis [1].

Introduction

Accordingly the aspiration to influence the natural incidence of atopic illness has piqued physicians’ imaginations for a long time. The phenotypic expression of IgE-mediated disorders, which appears regulated by multiple genetic factors and modulated by environmental experiences, has been a target for prevention medicine since the 1920s when dietary intervention was adopted in infancy. During the past 70 years, controversy has emerged from clinical studies designed to evaluate the effect of dietary and environmental exclusions on the subsequent manifestations of atopy. Since then, vast arrays of articles have been published, which were only matched by endless discussions on the terms to be used. The lack of a single, practical diagnostic test has contributed to the polarization of the scientific controversy between “believers” and “nonbelievers”. The problem posed by few diseases like atopic dermatitis (AD) is compounded by the difficulties experienced in its treatment. AD cannot benefit from pre-arranged therapeutic protocols, and is cause of invaluable and long-term physical and emotional suffering for children and parents. Therefore AD confronts doctors with one of the most demanding challenges [2,3].

Case Reports

In a 5-yr prospective study on 56 children (32M, 24F) affected with food hypersensitivity (FH) fulfill¬ing the criteria for the AD diagnosis3 a 4-wk diagnostic elimi¬na¬tion diet was prescribed for diagnostic purposes. CM and dairy prod¬ucts were avoided if AD appeared when milk was the only feeding. If AD occurred when egg and wheat were also given, these foods were avoided. Further foods were elimi¬nated following anamnestic data. Soy-milk (Isomil, Abbott), lamb-meat based-diet [1], and other nutritionally ade¬quate food equivalents were employed. An open challenge test was done when skin lesions cleared-up. If no immediate reaction ensued, food was fed in a normal way, and the skin accurately checked by parents. At each visit the severity of skin lesions was evaluated. On the basis of the challenge test, a therapeutic elimination diet, ex¬cluding the offending foods, was given independently of IgE and/or skin test response. All patients were checked every year or more fre¬quently if necessary.The following parameters were studied at the 5-yr follow-up: age; AD severity score; development of food tolerance; duration of symptoms; respira¬tory allergy (asthma and/or rhinitis). Total IgE determina¬tion was not per¬formed by 7 children, and skin tests and/or IgE to food/inhalant allergens by 13. Due to previous severe ana-phylactic reactions the challenge test to egg was not done in 7 patients and to CM in 3. The median age (MA) of the children at the first examination was 3 yr. MA at AD onset was 3mo, before the 4th mo of life in 27 babies (48%); between the 4th and 6th mo in 10 babies (18%), and after the 6th mo in 19 babies (34%). Mean sever¬ity score of AD was 17. Family history of atopy was positive in 23 pa¬tients (41%). Skin le¬sions were typical in 43 children (77%) and widespread or not typical (reverse pattern) in 13 (23%); 19 patients (34%) had respiratory al¬lergy.CM formulas were given since birth in 23 (41%), before the 3rd mo in 18 (32%), after the 3rd mo in 15 cases (27%). Total IgE levels were higher than 2 SD for age in 39/49 chil¬dren (80%). Skin tests and/or IgE to food allergens were positive in 45/55 children (82%), and to inhalant allergens in 26/44 children (59%). Main offending foods were CM and egg in 40%, CM alone and egg in 14%, and wheat in 2% of children. Polysensitivity was present mainly towards CM, egg and wheat in 29% of patients. 10/56 children (18%) were sen¬sitive to wheat. At the follow- up the children’s MA was 6 yr+9mo. Skin lesions cleared up in 32 (57%) children, persisted in 24 (43%). 60% of children completely lost FH, 14% achieved a partial tolerance, in 26% FH persisted. There was no differ¬ence in the MA of these 3 groups. The MA for tolerance to CM was 3 yr+6mo, to egg 4 yr, and to wheat 4 yr+ 6mo.There was no age difference at the first examination and at the follow-up in the groups with and without tolerance. There was a significant difference (p=0.0001) in the age of AD onset in the group with tol¬erance (MA 3 mo) and in the group without tolerance. 28 children (50%) had respiratory allergy at the followup, 21 pa¬tients (37%) developed asthma, 2(4%) rhinitis, and 5(9%) asthma and rhinitis. The children were divided into two groups: 24 with persisting AD, and 32 with cleared-up AD. There was a signif¬icant relationship between AD outcome and the age of onset of the skin le¬sions. In 25/32 children (78%) with cleared-up AD the onset was before and in 12/24 children (50%) with persisting AD after the 6th mo of life (p=0.023). There was a significant relationship between AD outcome and the skin lesion distribution at the first examination. 29/32 children with healing (91%) had typical skin lesions at the first ex¬amination, while in 10/24 children (42%) with persisting AD the lesions were not typical or widespread (p = 0.0001). A significant relationship was found between AD out-come and the de¬velopment of food tolerance. 95% of children with healing achieved a complete or partial tolerance to the offending foods, while 50% with persisting AD failed to lose FH (p=O.OO07).Additional significant differences between the two groups were found regarding association with respira¬tory allergy (p=0.0007), total (p=0.0001) and specific IgE (p=0.0001), the relationship between development of tolerance and symptoms (p=0.0026) and between tolerance and development of additional allergies (p=0.035), while no difference was found for family history of atopy, sex, AD severity score, and skin test responses. At the last follow-up the children were divided into those with and without respiratory al¬lergy. Both groups had a similar MA (6 yr+2/3mo). There was a significant relationship between the respiratory allergy prevalence at the last fol¬low-up and the positivity of skin tests and/or IgE to in¬halant aller¬gens at the first exami¬nation. 11/18 children without respiratory allergy (39%) had positive skin tests and/or IgE to inhalant allergens, while 19/26 children (73%) with respiratory allergy at the last follow-up had posi¬tive skin tests and/or IgE to inhalant allergens at the first examination (p=0.023). In conclusion, several parameters were significantly (0.023 =p=0.0001) associ¬ated with persisting skin lesions [2]. This confirms that few diseases like AD, although not being lethal, are causes of invalu¬able physical and emotional suffering either for children or their parents [4].

For more Open Access Journals in Juniper Publishers please click on: https://juniperpublishers.com/

For more articles in Open Access Journal of Case Studies please click on: https://juniperpublishers.com/jojcs/

To know more about Open Access Journals Publishers

To read more…Fulltext please click on: https://juniperpublishers.com/jojcs/JOJCS.MS.ID.555561.php

#Juniper Publishers Review #Juniper Publishers #Juniper Publisher’s journals #about juniper journals #Orthodontics #hand surgery #urology #kidney #case reports #surgery #biochemistry

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trulightradioxm · 7 years ago

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Allergies – The biggest lies of the devil!

Part 12 of TruLight Radio XM Articles on Healing – called “The Doctor Says – The Bible Says” Note our Previous articles was on Cancer – We are Moving to general illness – In this Chapter by Dr.Michelle Strydom MD

Allergies

About 40% of people world-wide have allergies, either simple or complex. Allergies are a mystery to most people. However I am going to give you insight into the spiritual, psychological and physical mechanisms that produce allergies. I believe that this knowledge will help set you free from allergies and enable you to take your life back.

Other names for an allergy is atopy, immediate type hypersensitivity reaction or Ig E mediated type hypersensitivity reaction. An allergy is a hypersensitivity reaction where a person is hyper reactive to an allergen. An allergen can also be called an antigen – this is the substance that is considered to be causing the allergy or hypersensitivity reaction. The allergen or antigen can be pollen, bee venom, animal hair (e.g. cats), fungus, certain medications (e.g. penicillin), certain foods, chemicals and many other things. Are you really allergic to all these things or did your enemy train you how to react to these things? Let’s find out…

In this chapter I’m going to take you on a journey into the Bible, into the physiology of your body and right into your bone marrow because allergies are a bone marrow issue. I’m going to show you how the thoughts that you have meditated on long term have lead to the physical manifestation of an allergy.

Parts of the body affected by allergies are: • Nose (Allergic Rhinitis) – hayfever • Eyes (Conjuctivitis) – hayfever • Skin – rashes, atopic dermatitis, hives, urticaria (which is an eruption of itching wheals), eczema. • Stomach and intestines (Food allergy) – vomiting, cramps and diarrhea. • Lungs – asthma.

A life threatening reaction called anaphylaxis can occur where the person can’t breathe because the airways get blocked by swelling of the tissues. How An Allergy Develops (Type 1 Hypersensitivity Reaction) There are seven words in Proverbs 17 v 22 that are the insight into all allergies. They don’t teach this scripture in medical school because medical schools don’t use the Bible to understand disease, because science only believes what it can see. I’m thankful to science because it allows me to see what God has created. However it was through the teaching of Henry Wright that I got this insight into allergies:

Proverbs 17 v 22: “A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” (Amplified Bible). Right here in the Bible it says that a broken spirit dries the bones. It doesn’t say a soul, it says a broken spirit. Here we can see a connection between the health of the human spirit and the health of the bones. Now think with me through this: “What is drying of the bones?” I suppose we could think of osteoporosis which is deterioration or weakening of the bones due to loss of calcium and bone density. But we are not talking about osteoporosis, we’re talking about allergies. In Proverbs 14 v 30 it says that envy and jealousy cause rottenness of the bones which is what osteoporosis is. But we are not talking about rotting of the bones, we are talking about drying of the bones. So if it is not osteoporosis, what is left? Bone marrow!

Now what is in bone marrow? In the marrow is the origin of your blood: your blood is manufactured in your bone marrow. Your blood consists of red and white blood cells. In allergies you don’t have anemia which is a lack of red blood cells – the red blood cells are ok. So what is left? White bloods cells which is what makes up the immune system. When you have a weakened immune system you have a lowered number of white cells in your blood. Drying of the bones means a weakened immune system.

What compromises or weakens the immune system? It doesn’t say pesticides or chemicals or certain foods destroy the immune system – it says a broken spirit destroys the immune system. Right here in the Bible we see a connection between our spirituality and our body chemistry, right down to the health of our immune system.

Proverbs 17 v 22 says that a broken spirit dries the bones. What is a broken spirit? In the Bible the word “heart” means “the spirit” or “the soul and spirit” depending on the context that the word heart is used. So we could say that a broken spirit is a broken heart.

In Luke 4 v 18 Jesus said that He came to heal the broken hearted: “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed and qualified Me to preach the Gospel of good tidings to the meek, the poor and the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up and heal the broken hearted, to proclaim liberty to the [physical and spiritual] captives…”

God wants to heal the broken heart. What is a broken heart? A broken heart or a broken spirit can occur in a person’s life spiritually when they were damaged by someone who was supposed to love them and didn’t. What are some of the life circumstances that can contribute to the broken heart? Well firstly in childhood we may not have been covered or loved like we should have been. Our families can be very dysfunctional. Our marriages can be very dysfunctional. What does dysfunctional mean to you and me?

It means we’re not at peace with each other. We don’t feel safe with each other. Henry Wright has dealt with hundreds of people with allergies both simple and complex over the past 20 years. He has found that multiple allergies follow a class of people who have been victims of one or more or sometimes all of the following five life circumstances, beginning in childhood:

1. Emotional abuse. 2. Verbal abuse. 3. Physical abuse. 4. Sexual abuse. 5. Performance, perfectionism and driven-ness – many times as children we grow up in families in which we’re accepted and loved based on our achievements (I discussed this issue on page 180 in the chapter I initially referred you to).

These five areas can produce fear that causes allergies. The fear is a result of the break up in the human relationship between the person who has the allergies and another person who is usually a close family member. The person does not feel safe in relationships and is not able to give and receive love without fear. In severe allergies like MCS/EI, the people are rooted in great insecurity, great mistrust and great fear.

In the Bible we see a connection between our spirituality and body chemistry, right down to the health of our immune system.

The other part of it is occultism. If you or family members in generations before you have been involved in occultism, this needs to be repented of because it can block healing (see the section on page 52 under the heading, “Separation from God’s Word”). Remember allergies can also be genetically inherited.

When you have fear and anxiety in your thought life coming out of a broken heart, you are in stage 2 and 3 of stress. In this toxic state there are high levels of the hormone Cortisol in your blood stream which damages the immune system. Remember, the cells of the immune system (which are the white blood cells) are formed in the bone marrow. There are two main types of white blood cells. There are T cells and there are B cells. The T cells are called killer cells – they directly kill viruses, bacteria and cancer that are dangerous to you. The B cells produce anti-bodies to kill harmful substances. But there are things that will interfere with your immune system serving you – high levels of cortisol kill the T-cells. When the T cells are destroyed, the B cells become over active because the cells of the immune system are out of balance.

The B cells produce too much antibodies, particularly an antibody called IgE. There is also an increase in cells called eosinophils. The antibody Ig E and eosinophils are cells of the immune system that were originally designed by God to kill parasites so that they don’t cause infection. Ig E antibodies and eosinophils are normally present in very small quantities in the body tissues of healthy people. However, the damage caused by Cortisol can cause the production of Ig E antibodies to be increased so that there are now very high levels in the body tissue.

High levels of IgE antibodies lead to an allergy as follows: The Ig E antibodies attach to the surface of cells called mast cells. Mast cells are present in tissue throughout the body, especially in the skin, lungs, the lining of your stomach and intestines, the mucous membranes of your nose and around blood vessels.

When the person is exposed to the allergen (antigen), it attaches to the IgE antibodies that are also attached to the mast cells. When the allergens attach to the IgE antibodies, the mast cells are activated and release substances that cause inflammation such as histamine, prostaglandins and leukotrienes. These substances cause the following:

• Increase in mucous production (e.g. in asthma) and runny nose (allergic rhinitis). • Contraction of the muscle in intestines leading to vomiting and diarrhea (e.g. in food allergy). • Contraction of muscle in walls of airways (asthma), making it difficult to breath. • Increased diameter of the blood vessels (vasodilation) and increased permeability of the blood vessels. This causes the water (plasma) in blood to leak into the surrounding body tissues, which results in swelling and redness. For example: • Wheal and flare reaction in the skin – rash, hives, urticaria, eczema. • Swelling of lips, itching and redness around the mouth. • Drop in blood pressure. • Swelling in the walls of the airways (asthma) – this makes it difficult to breath because the airways are narrowed and not enough air can get to the lungs. This is made worse by chemicals called leukotrienes which are also released from the mast cells. These chemicals cause the muscles in the airway walls to contract which further narrows the airways. The swelling also causes an imbalance in nerve control of the muscle in the airways causing the muscles to contract even more.

When you had skin rashes, itching, hives, urticaria, blotching, swelling and you went to the doctor, he most probably prescribed a topical cream. Did you ever look at the ingredients? When you look on the fine print of the tube that you squeeze, it’s an antihistamine. When you have an over production of histamine in your body (as described above), whether it involves your skin, nose, eyes or intestines, you have swelling.

When you have swelling you have pressure on your nerves and surrounding body structures and you get discomfort, irritation and/or pain. Anti-congestant drugs are often prescribed for sinusitis. My strong advice to you would be to avoid antihistamines and anticongestants as much as possible because they are addictive in the sense that once you start using them you end up using them all the time. Anti-histamines are the number one across the counter addictive drug in the world. Withdrawal from anti-histamines is as strong as the withdrawal from any other drug. Anticongestant drugs contain paracetemol which is a strong painkiller and therefore these drugs do give you relief from the pain of the congestion. However there are other ingredients in the anti-congestant that damage the cilia that line your sinus cavities. Cilia are structures that help keep the mucous flowing and help with the drainage of mucous. When these cilia are damaged, drainage of mucous is not good and this predisposes you to more sinus infections and more sinusitis… so you take the drug again… the cilia is damaged further… more sinus infections…do you see the pattern? So drugs are not the answer. Deal with the root issue and you’ll be free of the problem permanently.

WITH REGARDS TO ASTHMA: There are two types of asthma: Allergic asthma (also called extrinsic asthma) – this is a hypersensitivity reaction just as I have been explaining above. People with this type of asthma have large quantities of the Ig E antibodies. This is associated with a family history i.e. family members in previous generations have had asthma. It generally develops for the first time early in life, usually in infancy or childhood.

Non – allergic asthma (also called intrinsic asthma) – this type generally develops in adult life and is not associated with a family history of asthma. This is not strictly an allergic reaction as people with this type of asthma have normal amounts of Ig E antibodies. The inflammation is not caused by Ig E antibodies – instead it is caused by chemicals (inflammatory mediators) that are released from the muscle in the airway walls. However the rest of the pathological features of airway inflammation are exactly the same and both types of asthma have the same spiritual root.

In stage 2 and 3 of stress there is an excessive production of stress hormones, one of which is ACTH – the “Fear Hormone”. These high levels of ACTH attach to receptors in the alveoli (membranes in your lungs where oxygen is absorbed from the air you breath). This makes the alveoli become ‘stiff’, so that oxygen is not absorbed very well – which also produces the feeling of being out of breath and causes you to gasp for air.

Let’s continue with the explanation of how an allergy develops, so far I have explained that: • When you have fear and anxiety in your thought life coming from a broken heart and a breakdown in relationships, your body is in stage 2 and 3 of stress • You have high levels of stress hormones in your blood – one of these stress hormones is cortisol. • In high quanitities cortisol kills the T cells of your immune system. • This causes the T and B cells to go out of balance • The B cells become over active and they produce too much Ig E antibodies • These anti-bodies activate mast cells and the mast cells produce histamine, prostaglandins and leukotrienes • These chemicals cause inflammation and the symptoms of allergies. In this process various other chemicals are released that then stimulate an increased production of eosinophils.

These cells then release toxic substances (e.g. reactive oxidants) that cause a tremendous amount of damage to the body tissue in allergic reactions.

This leads to persistent (chronic) inflammation that continues even when the so called allergen is no longer present. The airways, skin, walls of the intestine (in food allergy) become hyper-reactive, with the allergic reaction happening even in the absence of the original allergen. Because that body tissue is hyper-reactive, it is like a woman with PMS – almost anything can irritate it. Almost any other substance can then cause this allergic reaction, for example (in the case of asthma) – cigarette smoke, respiratory infections, exercise and aspirin ingestion. I’m going to prove to you that you are not really allergic to anything. All you are experiencing is a physical manifestation as a result of excessive B cell activity. When cortisol destroys the immune system, it has nothing to do with food or dust or cats or whatever it is that you think you are allergic to. It is fear. When you come to me with an allergy, I know what your problem is – you have a broken heart. You are not able to give and receive love without fear because you don’t feel safe in love. That fear releases stress hormones such as cortisol that kills off the T cells of the immune system, causing an imbalance between T cell and B cell activity. As a result B cell activity increases. An allergy is basically excessive B cell activity. The degree that your immune system is damaged by cortisol, is the degree that your B cell activity increases. So allergies are really the result of a damaged immune system, not what you are eating or what you are exposed to in your environment. You are not really allergic to anything, you are simply experiencing a biological phenomenon of fear and the resultant consequences of excessive cortisol release, which includes a damaged immune system.

The medical definition of an allergy is an acquired abnormal immune response to an antigen that does not normally cause a reaction in most other people. If you come to me with an allergy, I know you have a damaged immune system, I don’t need to see your blood test results to figure that out. How many allergies you have tells me how much your immune system is damaged. To the degree that your immune system is damaged is the degree to which excessive B cell activity increases. The more B cell activity increases, the more allergies you are going to get. One person can have more than 100 different allergies. To the degree that your immune system is healed is the degree that your B cell activity is decreased which is then the degree to which the number of allergies decrease. Allergic reactions can range from mild to very severe. The most severe type of allergic reaction is called MCS/EI (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity and Environmental Illness). There are more than 250 000 people suffering from this illness today and it is one of the most rapidly growing diseases. People who have this disease are very miserable. Here is the story of one person with this illness: “I’m allergic to everything. I was exposed to pesticides about 10 years ago and since that time my immune system has been damaged and I’m allergic to everything. I can eat hardly anything. All that I can eat is the crust of the bread that has been burnt to charcoal. I weigh 75 pounds and I look like a skeleton wrapped in skin. I am dying and I have no hope. I cannot even bath because I am allergic to water on my skin. I’m allergic to heat and electricity – I can’t even be within 60 feet of a light bulb that is on or read a book. I’m living in a single room. I can’t be with my family. I’m in a room where the floors are lined with foil.

The walls are bare sheet rock; I’m sleeping on dismantled springs of a box spring that has been wrapped in a material that has been specially conditioned for a year. I’m on oxygen and respirators. I cannot leave this room to be in the presence of a human being for too long.” Henry Wright went to help this person.

When Henry Wright arrived at this person’s house, the person asked, “Has God shown you anything about my disease?” He said, “I’ve got to ask you a question. I want to know who broke your heart? I want to know what happened that has put this kind of fear in you? Who didn’t cover you with acceptance and love?” That question was the open door because what he had then was tears. From that point on the pastor’s hands were full. They got to the spiritual roots of the problem (fear from a broken heart) and dealt with it. On the 7th day this person walked out of the house for the first time in 5 years and went down to the local store, ate a fully loaded cheese burger with French fries, yogurt and ice cream. That was for lunch. In the evening they went out to the Sizzler and she ate all she could eat at the buffet. That began her journey out of a prison house. This person is still well today and the MCS/EI has never come back.

There are hundreds of people worldwide who are healed of MCS/EI and have never had a relapse simply through dealing with the fear and broken heart behind it. This is more than medicine has ever achieved. There is no drug or treatment to cure MCS/EI or any allergies. Medical drugs such as anti-histamines and corticosteroids only cause a little improvement and only temporarily dull the symptoms. The environmental ecologist, the allergist with all the modalities of Eastern mysticism, alternative modalities, allergy shots, homeopathy, rotation or elimination diets, sauna, supplements and other treatments have never produced any long terms healings of allergies or MCS/EI.

Food Allergies You may have your favorite foods and you may have foods that you don’t like – this is a matter of preference. When you have allergies you begin to lose those good things that you like. The first thing you begin to lose in allergies are of course your dairy products and that includes milk, things that you love such as ice cream and cheese cake. You also lose all of the sweet things because you lose your sugars and then you lose your wheats. All of a sudden all those things that God created for your pleasure and also for your benefit you begin to lose. Did God take these foods away from you or did your enemy train you how to react to these foods?

God does not want you to lose your foods. There is not any food that is evil according to Scripture but all foods are profitable if taken with thanks giving because they are sanctified by the Word of God and by prayer. 1 Timothy 4 v 1-5: “1But the [Holy] Spirit distinctly and expressly declares that in latter times some will turn away from the faith, giving attention to deluding and seducing spirits and doctrines that demons teach, 2Through the hypocrisy and pretensions of liars whose consciences are seared (cauterized), 3Who forbid people to marry and [teach them] to abstain from [certain kinds of] foods which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and have [an increasingly clear] knowledge of the truth. 4For everything God has created is good, and nothing is to be thrown away or refused if it is received with thanksgiving. 5 For it is hallowed (King James Version says sanctified) and consecrated by the Word of God and by prayer.”

Romans 14 v 14: “I know and am convinced (persuaded) as one in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is [forbidden as] essentially unclean (defiled and unholy in itself). But [none the less] it is unclean (defiled and unholy) to anyone who thinks it is unclean.” The scripture is for all of you who have food allergies: Numbers 13 v 27: “They told Moses, We came to the land to which you sent us; surely it flows with milk and honey. This is its fruit.” When the spies came back from the Promised Land, what was it filled with? Dairy products and sugar!

Yet these are the first two products that are often lost in allergies. The Lord gave you richly all things to enjoy – all kinds of food that are taken with thanksgiving are sanctified with prayer and the Word of God. There are many people who were allergic to various foods and are now eating normally today without any allergic reactions. Would that be a viable option for you?

Lactose intolerance in children is a result of inherited fear coming out of fear and insecurity in the parents that is transferred to the child. If the parents repent for this fear and command the spirit of fear to leave them and their child in the Name of Jesus, the child will be healed. The Bible says that children are sanctified by the believing parents. 1 Corinthians 7 v 14: “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean, but now they are holy.” KJV Allergies, whether mild or severe, are anxiety disorders that compromise the immune system. The only way to get totally healed is to break this anxiety syndrome (stages 2 and 3 of stress) so that the immune system can recover. Then the allergies will fall away. There’s no point in using drugs like anti-histamines and corticosteroids to try to get rid of the allergies as that is not a long term solution. You can go and see twelve different specialists who will all prescribe a slightly different medication. People with MCS/EI have ended up going to as many as 30 different doctors and some of them spent up to one million U.S dollars in medical bills but they got nowhere…they were still stuck with their allergies. So let’s get to the root – let’s start from the inside, not the outside. An average doctor will tell you to avoid the allergen – don’t eat chocolate, don’t eat cheese, avoid nuts and shell fish etc. I’m here to tell you a startling piece of information – you have been lied to! You’ve been deceived with one of the biggest lies of the devil.

You are not allergic to anything. The culprit is an abnormal functioning immune system because of fear, anxiety and stress in your thought life. Next time you get a reaction, don’t say, “What did I eat”, say “What did I think?” You can eat anything you like! God said in Genesis 1 v 31 that everything He made was not just good – it was very good! Henry Wright has had a lot of experience and success in seeing people totally healed from allergies after dealing with the spiritual roots. The first thing that they do with people coming out of the food allergies is to get all the foods they ever wanted back into their lives. Do you like pizza? Go for it! Do you like chocolate and ice cream? Go for it! Enjoy that peanut butter and the dairy products! God gave you richly all things to enjoy.

In creation God made your body to be fully adapted and compatible to whatever you are exposed to in the environment. Satan knows that if he can manage to control your thought life, he can control your body chemistry and cause disease. Jesus said the devil is a thief that comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10 v 10). The Bible says in Leviticus 17 v 11 that the life is in the blood so the devil knows that if he wants your life, he must get to your blood. Your blood is formed in the bone marrow and as you can now see allergies are a bone marrow issue. The destruction of your immune system was not an accident, it was part of an intelligent design to capture your marrow which is the origin of the life in the blood.

You are not really allergic to anything. What happened is that you allowed the devil to control your immune system – you gave him permission by allowing fear, anxiety and stress to dominate your thought life. Could God stop it? Well, He is not going to because He gave you a free will. It’s about time you know what your enemy knows about you so you can defeat him at the onset. You don’t have to be a victim, nor do you have to be ignorant or suffer from disease. Why don’t you take your life back before the Lord once and for all, and also tell your friends and family that you have been lied to?

When your friends and family tell you they’re allergic to this or that, tell them they have been lied to! Get involved in their life and find out what it is that they are afraid of. What is their stressor? What is their conflict? What is the unresolved issue in their life? Who broke their heart? This may be difficult for you to believe because the medical community is telling you just the opposite.

I am completely opposed to where the medical profession out there is coming from because they are still chasing the symptoms and the allergens. I’m after the root cause of allergies. They are saying that the cause is “chemical sensitivity” or “chemical injury”. I want to tell you that you are not reacting to any chemical.

How is it that the other 98% of our population living in the same environment, going to the same shops, schools, buildings and walking through the same bush with grass, flowers, animals etc don’t have this problem? You don’t have to be a doctor to use your common sense to work out that if the chemicals were causing damage or injury at a cellular level, we would all be sick with some kind of chemical poisoning.

Asthma The John Hopkins University Research Team proved something in 1996 that has changed the medical community’s belief concerning asthma for the past 50 years: they proved that asthma has nothing to do with what you breathe such as smoke, dust, pollen etc. The asthmatic attack is triggered internally from deep inside the person as a result of fear, anxiety and stress. Asthma is now considered an anxiety disorder in the medical field. The specific fear behind asthma is the fear of abandonment.

According to the Journal of American Medicine, if a child that has just been born is immediately given to the mother so that she can hold, talk to and breast feed her baby, asthma will be prevented in that child for the first 6 years statistically. Separate that baby from its mother by leaving it in an incubator or nursery somewhere because of complications and asthma is right around the corner because the fear of abandonment comes in. The same applies if you hand out your child to other people all of the time while they are small or if you send them to boarding school at the age of six and don’t see your child again for three weeks…the fear of abandonment and asthma is right on the child’s door step. Adults can also develop a fear of abandonment, for example when they are separated from loved ones. Henry Wright told the true story of a couple who went on holiday to Italy with their young child. They were getting ready to fly back home and at the airport the child was being a little naughty. In a moment of frustration and in an attempt to get the child to behave, the mother said, “If you don’t come here right now, I am going to leave you behind.” Within two days that child had asthma and she had it for years after that. One day the mother learnt through Henry Wright’s teaching that asthma was caused by fear of abandonment. The Holy Spirit instantly reminded the mother of what she had said to her child that day at the airport and she was convicted. She went to her child and she repented to him for saying that and released him from that fear of abandonment that came out of her words and that the enemy took advantage of. The asthma left instantly never to return.

What has been discovered is that it is not the cheese, nuts, bee or smoke, for example that causes the reaction: the thing that you think you are allergic to has programmed a response in you – fear. The cheese or smoke is not what you are reacting to, it is the reinforcement of the mental and spiritual stronghold in your mind that keeps you in bondage, and makes that smell or food with cheese or nuts a stressor. Henry Wright told one person with MCS/EI that it was his thought life, not exposure to chemicals that was causing his reaction. This man would not believe him. One day in a ministry session when he had his team with him, he casually walked to the window and said, “Oh! The bug man is here to spray the pesticides.” This man went into a massive allergic reaction just at the thought of it! He recovered from his allergic reaction in 15 minutes. Henry looked him in the eye and said, “There was no bug man.” This man was angry with him at first, but then he got the message. The same allergic reaction had occurred without the chemical or exposure to it. This man finally realized he had been lied to! This man is totally well today and praising God for his healing.

You can go back and take back every bit of ground that you have lost – every type of food, every building, every part of the bush and its flowers, every bit of clothing, everything you ever lost – you’re going to take it back. This teaching is exploding globally and totally revolutionizing people’s thinking about allergies. One pastor in America started applying these principles which he learnt through the ministry of Henry Wright. When he first started, 40% of his church had allergies. After two years of applying these principles in relationships, he now has an allergy free church.

Henry Wright is the pioneer of this insight into allergies. God gave him this revelation about allergies from Proverbs 17 v 22 in 1990. Twenty years later he is considered the number one authority on allergies in the world because the success they have had is second to none – there are literally thousands and thousands of people across the world who have been healed through application of this knowledge and insight. From the extremes of being forced by severe allergies to go naked, not being able to wear clothes, being unable to eat almost any known food, allergic even to water, with multiple allergies – these people are today living normal productive lives with no relapse. There are people who had over 100 different allergies and are totally healed today though simply dealing with the fear and broken heart behind it. If they can be healed simply by dealing with the spiritual root, how much more can you be healed from a cheese, chocolate, bee sting or whatever allergy? I’d like to give you your life back because it belongs to you. You can live a normal life because when God heals your broken heart (remember Isaiah 61 v 1), He’ll give you a blood transfusion even at the level of your bone marrow and when you have an immune system that has been healed, allergies are a thing of the past. I’m calling you to lay down your protective mechanisms and come out of your isolation because God wants to deliver you of your fears (Psalm 34 v 4, 2 Timothy 1 v 7).

When people have dealt with this one issue of fear and the broken heart, God instantly gave them a blood transfusion – not only in white blood cells but also in red blood cells. Henry Wright has seen people in hospital whose collapsed veins exploded back into life with red blood with a simple prayer of repentance. Your God can do lots of things when you get right with Him and meet His conditions for healing. Ultimately, your healing from your allergies is the removal of stage 2 and 3 of stress by renewing your mind which means changing your thinking habits. The more fear and anxiety in your thought life decreases, the more your immune system will start to heal. On the other hand, the more fear and anxiety increases in your thought life, the more the immune system is destroyed. The more the immune system is destroyed, the more you have an increase in allergies. As fear, anxiety and stress in your thought life goes away, the reactions go away, and that’s why a person can take back five to ten foods very quickly. It’s amazing to them. Why is it that one day they are reacting to a particular food, and the next day they find they can eat it, and can eat it from that day on? What changed? The food…the pesticides…the pollen… the cat? No! They changed! What did they change? Their thought life!

When you deal with your broken heart through forgiving the person who hurt you and you remove the fear and anxiety from your thought life through renewing your mind with the Word of God, you will no longer be in stage 2 and 3 of stress. Therefore the secretion of cortisol will stop and the T cells will be given a chance to regenerate. When the number of T cells increase, the B cells come back into balance and are no longer over-active. Therefore the production of excessive amounts of IgE antibodies stop and mast cells are no longer activated. Therefore less histamine is produced, the symptoms of allergies disappear and allergies are a thing of the past. It is as simple as that.

Pray this with me: “Father, I know that you can heal my broken heart. Please give me the ability to open my heart to receive Your love, peace and acceptance– that I will begin to feel complete in You because I am your son. I am Your daughter. I pray that Your Holy Spirit would nurture my spirit and heal the wounds in the depths of my being. Father I ask You to drive the fear out of my life. In the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ I speak to my immune system and command that cortisol to stop being produced in excess, I command the B and T cells to go back into balance, I command the IgE antibodies to stop being produced in excessive quantities, and I command the fear to be gone. I speak a blood transfusion to my marrow in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and I command my immune system to be healed! Amen.”

For asthma: “I take authority over the spirit of abandonment now and command you leave in Jesus’ Name! I command the cell membrane semi- rigidity in the airways and the alveoli of the lungs to be broken and my airways to be relaxed in the Name of Jesus.”

The good news is this: you are not allergic to anything! go and renew your mind and be set free in Jesus Name! We would love to send you 2 free eBooks by email! Just complete the form Below!

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corneliussteinbeck · 7 years ago

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Get Your Vitamin “N” — The Benefits of Spending Time In Nature

There are many benefits to spending more time outside, like soaking up vitamin D and engaging in physical activities such as hiking, swimming, biking, and running. In addition to the physical benefits of spending time in nature, going outside can go a long way in helping you feel mentally, physically, and emotionally better.

Have you ever found yourself feeling super stressed and thought, “I just need to go outside for some fresh air!” Maybe a friend has suggested that you go take a walk because “it will help you relax” when life is feeling particularly tough.

It’s not a coincidence that more often than not you just feel better after a quick nature break.

Whether it’s the fresh air, the sounds, the colors, the physical activity, or simply time spent away from screens and technology, nature has a way of healing, supporting, and nurturing.

1. Nature reduces stress and relaxes the brain.

Spending more time in nature can be beneficial not only for immune function and combatting inflammation but for several of the greatest public health issues in our modern life as well, like obesity, depression, and eyesight. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Researchers from the University of Glasgow found evidence to suggest that physical activity in natural environments can improve mental health and reduce stress, and a 2015 study out of Stanford University found a significant difference in the positive effects that taking a walk in nature can have on mental well-being compared to going for a walk in an urban setting.6, 7

While I encourage you to go outside and engage physically with nature, even looking out at a view of nature through a window when you’re feeling stressed out can provide some relief.8

2. Nature improves cognitive function and mental performance.

If you’re experiencing mental fatigue and can’t seem to concentrate or make decisions, go outside! Spending time in nature has been shown to have positive effects on brain function for adults as well as kids.9, 10

Not only can natural environments improve your attention and ability to focus, according to a study led by psychologists at the University of North Florida, when you engage in dynamic physical activities outdoors like climbing a tree, balancing on a beam, or even walking barefoot, you can increase your working memory by 50 percent.11, 12

Moving in a new or unfamiliar environment or terrain not only challenges your fitness and physicality, but also engages your cognitive function in ways you don’t get to when you only move in the same terrain or environment like a traditional gym.

When you are balancing or climbing a tree, for example, you are moving in an unfamiliar and unpredictable environment which challenges your proprioception (that is, your awareness and ability to sense the position and movement of your body parts in your surrounding space without visual assistance). This engages the “problem-solving” part of the brain (your working memory) to process the incoming information and helps you adapt to the environment, which results to improved working memory performance in general.

Spend some time moving outside, and you may notice that you can focus more own your studies or your work performance.

I’ve noticed this myself, when hiking on a trail I’ve have never been on. I am much more aware of my surroundings and how my body is moving in that space. It’s new information for my senses, my body, and my brain that requires me to be fully present to navigate this new terrain and avoid injury. It can feel like you’re working out a real-world puzzle for the body and mind.

3. Nature can protect eyesight.

We spend most of our days indoors, looking at screens and very rarely needing to look beyond a few feet. It is no wonder why myopia (nearsightedness) is increasingly prevalent.13 Just like the body requires natural movement to function optimally, so do our eyes.

Numerous studies have found that children who spend more time playing or participating in sports outdoors have a lower prevalence of myopia.13, 14, Researchers in China found, over a three-year period, that children who spent as little as 40 extra minutes outside during the school day were less likely to develop myopia. 15, 16

At the very least, it is beneficial to take a break from the computer every 20 minutes to look out the window at the farthest point for a few minutes, and even better to step outside regularly and scan the environment and give our eyes a break if we spend most of our time indoors, under artificial light, or in front of a screen.

4. Nature improves mood and can help manage depression.

Studies suggest that spending time in nature reduces our cortisol levels and heightens our sense of well-being.6 Simply going for a walk has been shown to reduce anxiety and help with depression.7

Going outside and sitting by a lake or stream and allowing myself to melt into a state of relaxation has helped me to cope with depression and anxiety. There is research linking both, movement and nature to improved mood, though it’s hard to say what exactly is responsible for that result. Is it simply being outdoors? Is it the physical activity? Is it a combination of both? 17, 18 Does figuring that out even matter?

I think Dr. David Strayer, a cognitive psychologist from the University of Utah sums up the body-nature relationship beautifully in an interview with National Geographic Magazine on this topic: “At the end of the day, we come out in nature not because the science says it does something to us, but because of how it makes us feel.”19

We have a pervasive disconnect from nature and the more we can re-immerse ourselves in natural settings, the more it can help us feel more alive, vibrant, and strong, benefiting in ways physical, mental, and spiritual in the process.

Ready to connect with nature?

If you’re ready to start reaping the benefits of spending time outdoors, here are a few things you can do:

Go outside, lay on the ground, and look up at the sky. Feel all your senses come to life as you breathe peacefully and take it all in.

If there is an area in which you feel safe, take a walk. If you’re in the habit of walking the same route, switch it up if you have options.

Climb or hang on a tree.

Go hiking and explore a new environment and terrain through some dynamic movement like stepping over and under, crawling, balancing, or climbing.

Walk barefoot. If this is new for you start on a gentle surface like sand or grass. Feel the ground beneath your feet and notice how you have to pay attention to the surface to avoid stepping on something sharp or hot. Each step you take barefoot you are using your working memory to help problem solve. It’s a win-win for your brain and foot-health. As your feet grow accustomed to different textures and surfaces over time, you can explore on more challenging surfaces like stones and rocks.

If you have kids, take them to the park. Move and engage in the environment by climbing and hanging on the monkey bars, chasing your kids under, over, and through various obstacles, balancing on a beam. Everyone benefits!

These are just a few ideas. However you choose to do it, get outside today and fuel your body, mind and spirit with some vitamin N!

References

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