#went over to my friends apartment for the first time and it was so depressing bc her place is so much nicer

[digitaldiary]

february 9th, 2025

i have a pounding headache as i write this, most likely brought on by the adderall i took this morning. usually adderall = productive day for me, but somehow i got carried away and then next thing you know, i'm looking up from my phone and laptop and realizing i've been doing nothing for the past 4 hours. i went to a friend's place for a super bowl party but by then the headache had started and i was already sort of sad. i just decided it'd be best for me to go home.

new york winters bring a mix of emotions for me. i love when the snow falls, but hate the next day when it's slushy and slippery and my shoes and socks get soaked no matter how hard i try to avoid puddles. the cold is depressing and brutal, but a welcome, tangible indicator of change and the passage of time. two years ago i got my heart broken during a new york summer and since then, i find relief and comfort in the other three seasons. by the time summer rolls around again, i am reminded of two years ago, and then a whole different mix of emotions comes.

i moved to new york city five years ago as a wide-eyed, determined, naive, highly-motivated 20-year-old girl with dreams of working in fashion. i was born and raised in a suburb in northern california, largely quite sheltered and without any real-world experience. i still cannot drive. back when i first came here, i was very excited about life and my future, albeit very very very anxious and clueless. i had good intentions in everything i did, and still now, if one thing about me persists, it is that.

today i am 25 years old, working a 9-5 fashion job. unfortunately and disappointingly, i am much less concerned with my career as i used to be as it's taken a backseat to my never-ending struggles with mental health. most big dreams i had have been extinguished by reality and the ups and downs of life. i think also, maybe as i've gotten older, i've found that simple pleasures are enough to keep me content. maybe that is cope, i am not sure, i go back and forth on whether i am lying to myself because i've half-bakedly accomplished some of my dreams and realized that some may never come true. but that's another internal dispute amongst the thousands i must filter through every day of my existence.

when i got my heart broken two years ago, it was like a big bang of sorts for me - the breaking acted as a catalyst for lots of internal change, tough conversations with myself, and self-discovery. somehow i pushed through the excruciating emotional and existential pain and in the time after, i was able to build myself up from scratch. in that painstaking building of self, i became confident and assured of my identity, my core, my values, who i was and who i am. i had spent so much of my life trying to transform myself into what i thought others wanted me to be, so to get to a place where i was myself and no one else and i was happy to be myself... it was very unfamiliar and unprecedented for me but also very exciting.

but that newness has faded as life has continued onwards. there's a quote from the bible that says "as a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly". romance has always been THE dictator of my life, cruelly deciding my mood, my purpose, my worth, etc. in short - i have reattempted to find love over the past two years only to be left disappointed time and time again. each failed relationship has left a chip on my shoulder, and all the cracks in my form have caused me to break once again. my niche micro-celebrity crush recently tweeted "everything falls apart all the time" (and he plays a larger role in my recent "breaking" that maybe i will one day have the courage or lack of care to share). but he was right. everything has fallen apart for me. i'm holding on to three pieces - my family, my friends, and my work. i can't even remember what my original shape was. i'm just gripping these shards as hard as i can and they're slitting my skin but i won't let go. they're all that i have.

i don't mean to sound so doomer, this is more of a stream of consciousness that i'm sharing as a life update of sorts... don't worry about me too much, i'm quite used to this feeling by now!

[capyclub]

so my bedroom has a door that leads directly to the outside which I fucking hate and i really want to cover it up but the only thing I can think of is putting a curtain or something over it…is that fine? like is there a better way to do this???

[yelenasdiary]

Little Spidey

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Spider-Woman! Reader

Summary: After coming home from a long mission, you struggle to accept a little shift in your relationships. 

Angst, Comfort, Fluff

Warnings: Brief mentions depression & loneliness | 1.3K

AC: Wrote this for my good friend, @scarletwidowblackwitch ! so sorry it took me forever to get this one out for you! I hope you enjoy! x 

Your apartment was quiet while you lay in bed staring at the roof, usually your roommates, Peter and Kate would be making so much noise that a sleep in was almost non-existent in the small apartment. The time on your phone reading, 10:16am reminded you just how hungry you were. After getting home rather late last night, sliding through the door without making a sound, careful not to wake your roommates, you took a shower and fell as the second your head hit the pillow. 

You wandered into the kitchen, the two friends of yours leaving it how they normally did. Their breakfast dishes in the sink, crumbs from the cereal box on the countertop along with some small droplets of milk. You shook your head with a soft, amused smile on your lips as you reached for a wash cloth to clean up after them. 

After breakfast, you showered and gave your suit a quick steam before you picked up your phone, the weather was beautiful today, the sun kissing the city of New York with its warm touch made you think about a nice catch up with you a friend or two in Central Park. You called Wanda first, knowing just how much she loved getting a latte and some fresh air but your call went to voice mail, maybe she was on a mission you thought. 

Next you tried your roommate, Kate but no answer then you tried your luck with Peter. 

“Hey, Y/n, what’s up?” The young adult happily asked. 

“I just wanted to know if you were busy? Thought we could grab a smoothie and hang out?” You replied. 

“Wait, when did you get back? I thought you were still on that big job?”

“Uh, last night. I didn’t want to wake you or Kate, so I was pretty quiet” you lightly chuckled. 

“Welcome back! I would hang out today but Tony’s got me doing training in this new suit he made me, can we do a rain check?” He questioned with doubt in his voice. 

“Of course, let me know whenever you’re free” you did your best to sound unbothered before Peter said he’d text you before hanging up the line. You let out a light sigh before you checked the Avengers app that Tony created to keep up with who was on missions and to no surprise, Natasha was on a mission, Bucky was on a mission, Steve was with Bucky, Sam was booked for training, Tony was with Peter and Kate was with Clint on someday training trip. With that information, you tossed your phone on your freshly made bed and decided to go to the gym for an hour or so. 

As the days went by, you couldn’t help the negative thoughts that dawned on you. Almost everybody had returned from their missions and were staying at the compound to catch up on mission reports. You joined them all at the compound but the quietness that you woke up too days before still lingered. You wondered if you were annoying those around you, your text messages went unread, or you only got short replies back. Plans to catch up went abandoned leaving you alone while your insecurities dawned on you. 

A week has floated by you while you did your best to keep yourself distracted from the loneliness that crept into the apartment, your roommates barely coming home for more than a nights sleep. The apartment still quiet over your favorite playlist that played in the background, nothing on the streaming apps seemed interesting enough to keep the silence from becoming louder at night. Rubbish from your favorite almost overflowing the bin in the kitchen reminding you to take it out in the morning. 

You were getting yourself ready for bed when you heard a knock at the door, you couldn’t help but sigh lightly thinking it was probably the elderly neighbor with some gossip of yet another delinquent hanging around, suspiciously. You opened the door only to be met with the familiar green eyes and locks of red hair that you had missed dearly. 

“Y/n! you’re back?!” Beamed Natasha as her eyes lit up, “nobody told me you were back, and I lost my freaking phone” she adds. 

You give her a weak smile, knowing she probably wasn’t even here to see you in the first place. “I guess everybody has been busy, are you here to see Kate or Peter?” You asked causing Nat to frown slightly. “I needed to speak to Kate about something, but I don’t care about that, it can wait” she replied, giving you a soft smile, “my detka is home” she added. 

The pet name getting the better of you as you felt your cheeks get warm. Natasha wrapped her arms around you and gently pulled you in for a hug, “I missed you so much” she said in an almost whisper. You felt yourself practically melt into her hold, missing the way her arms always felt like home. Her dark rose scented perfume leaving its mark on your clothing, a smell you forgot just how much you missed. 

“Why don’t you come stay at mine tonight?” Your girlfriend asked, pulling back to look you in the eyes ones more. Her highly trained skills to read people never failed her when it came to you, she saw past the weak smile and the sadness in your eyes no matter how much you thought you were good at hiding. “I don’t know, I don’t wanna be a burden” you confessed to the widow. 

“A burden? Honey, you could never be a burden. Besides we both know I have the best fluff blankets” She says, gently cupping your face before planting a soft kiss on your lips, “and maybe you can tell me what’s got my little Spidey so down” she adds. 

You couldn’t help but chuckle ever so lightly at the nickname, “are you sure?” You asked, needing reassurance. 

“Detka, if you think I’m leaving you alone, think again” she smirks.

“Let me go pack my overnight bag, come in” you smile softly as she walks in, closing the door behind her. 

“Why don’t you pack a little more than just one bag?” The widow suggested. 

You stopped in your tracks halfway down the hall, turning to face her once more, “Nat, I can’t just leave without telling Peter and Kate” you reply, “Rent is due next week, it wouldn’t be fair” 

Natasha shrugged, “I’ll cover it and I think they would understand but if you’re not ready for that step it’s okay, I can wait” 

You took a moment to think about her idea, you wanted nothing more to be able to spend more time with your girlfriend, especially after being away from her for so long but the guilt of leaving your roommates so suddenly dawned on you. “I would love too but I really, really don’t want to be a burden on you just because I’ve had a few lousy days” 

Natasha, walking towards you reached out to hold your hand, “it’s not a burden to spend your life with somebody you care about. Change can be scary, but we all need it. Peter and Kate can find another roommate if they want, they’ll be okay. I really just want to share everything moment with you” she says, looking into your eyes while silence filled the room for you to think a little more. 

“I guess I could talk to Kate and Peter tomorrow” 

“That’s my little Spidey” Natasha smiles, “now you’ll be able to hear me complain about my cooking every night” she adds with a playful wink causing you to chuckle once more. 

“Don’t worry Romanoff, I won’t let you burn the house down” you reply as she wraps her arms around you once more, “oh come on, the kitchen caught on fire once” she says, rolling her eyes. 

“Once is more than enough” you smile before her lips find yours again.

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[cybergirrll]

fuse

hamzah x reader

synopsis- power goes out in your apartment complex, your friend hamzah who lives on the floor above you stops by in the middle of the night

fluff?!!! friends to lovers?!! (p.s. i personally think if you listen to pretty girl by clairo while you read it makes the whole thing a lot cuter)

-

about 5 minutes ago, you’d woken up for no apparent reason. you figured you’d drift back into your previous ever so peaceful slumber, but you were wrong.

so now, annoyed at your minds inability to fall back asleep you stared at the wall, mindlessly observing how the moonlight ever so slightly lit up the back of the curtains, the drapes allowing the softest light to mix amongst the darkness the room withheld.

usually when you awoke in the night like this, you fell back asleep almost immediately, having no memory of it in the morning. this time however, your heart fluttered in an exhilarating way. maybe it was the overload of coffee you had that morning, or maybe it was the boy upstairs.

hamzah lived on floor 3 in apartment A. you lived on floor 2 in apartment A. you’d met about four months ago, when there was a mix up with the mail addresses and you were getting coupons for cat litter. quickly, you became great friends. you were kind of lonely, with your friends living on the other side of town, and him being alone most of the time with his two cats. you loved having movie nights, going grocery shopping together at the store down the block, pet sitting red and blue, meeting on the balcony, complaining about your annoying neighbors, talking about movies, music, games and everything. it was one of the greatest friendships you’d ever had.

however, in the past week, something felt different. you tried to suppress the growing attraction that swelled your heart, twisting your stomach with butterflies whenever you saw him. it was so corny you felt sick. he was only a friend, you’d never even thought about liking him like that before but it crept up on you so suddenly, like an unexpected wave that hit you from behind, knocking you over and drifting you out into the cerulean blue sea. you weren’t used to feeling like this. so, you ignored it.

he was the last thing on your mind when you went to sleep and the first when you woke up in the middle of the night. you couldn’t help it. he was so awkward but in his own way where it was funny and sweet and so charming and hes so gentle and nice and so funny and he laughs at all your jokes and makes you laugh and his smile was so cute and his hair is adorable and he’s so smart and cute andUuooaagghhhh my god. he was driving you absolutely insane.

you felt so nervous to be around him, like he might sense what’s in your eyes and then you would implode right then and there. when he talks to you about how he used to be so depressed living on his own and how it got better but he still feels that empty void in him sometimes, you just want to kiss him on the mouth right then and there and tell him everything’s going to be okay and that you loved him so much and you wanted him to be happy forever. these kinds of thoughts kept you up the past few nights.

you checked the time on your phone 1:15 AM. welp. you were already up. you leaned over, clicking your lamp on. the bulb didn’t light up. you clicked it off and on again and still, there was no dim glow you hoped for. you peered down at the wall where the lamp was plugged in. “hmmm.” you got up and flicked the light switch by your door, your overhead light unresponsive.

a soft knock on your front door.

you were creeped out now, sure you were about to have some true crime documentary made about you. you waited for a moment, another soft knock. it wasn’t in your imagination. taking another deep breath, you slipped out of your room and over to the front door. you peeked through the peephole, relieved, and a bit nervous, to see hamzah.

you opened the door. “you scared the shit out of me.” his eyes looked sleepy, curls unruly. “sorry,” he smiled softly “i just wanted to check on you. i think a power line broke or something.” you stared at him for a moment, gripping the door a little tighter when you realized you were only in your underwear and an oversized t shirt.

“um- yeah. yeah, i’m okay. why were you up?” you tugged your t shirt down a little bit to cover the tops of your thighs. thankfully his gaze stayed fixed on your eyes. “i was editing a video, and then uhh- everything went dark. yeah.” he chuckled softly

“yeah you look tire-“ “why were you up?” he blurted.

“oh- i, no sorry what were you saying.”

“oh nothing,” you giggled a little.

“i just woke up in the middle of the night, couldn’t go back to sleep.”

he nodded, smiling softly, a little flustered.

you two stood there for a few quiet moments, just looking at each other. you felt so fluttery, like you were in a dream. maybe it was the eeriness of the situation, the fact that it was one in the morning and he was at your door like he’d usually be during the day. you weren’t sure if you should invite him in, or if it was a stupid idea because he looked tired. but then why was he here? it was almost the middle of the night and it’s not like a power outage would wake you up, so he would’ve assumed you were asleep.

he smiled softly at you and turned to walk away, taking a few steps before you ran out and grabbed his hand. “wait.”

he turned around, his eyes wide and soft in the darkness of the hallway. shoot. now he was looking at you and now you had to explain yourself but you don’t even know why you did that, you just couldn’t let him leave. you were still holding onto his hand

“stay.”

“you want me to?” hamzah’s voice was gentle, soft, drizzling down your spine like warm honey. he was talking to you this way, his eyes glimmering, so relaxed, so sleepy, so dark, so him.

you nodded, calculating your next moves in your head. this moment felt so perfect, you didn’t want to let it slip through your fingers.

you could lead him inside, just to go back talking again like the friends you were but something about this, standing in the hallway now made you want it to last. you wanted to capture this moment and keep it in a jar and live in that jar forever, you wanted to pour whatever was in that jar into your tea every morning, hoping it gave you that same unreal feeli-

his hand in yours. he squeezed it softly.

without thinking he laced his fingers with yours, slowly led you back inside your apartment and closed your door. you turned to face him, your back against the door. he moved closer, big brown eyes peering into yours, trying to figure something out.

you just looked and looked at him until he smiled at you. he’d never been like this with anyone, really. but he liked this feeling with you. you place your hand on his shoulder, awkwardly moving up to the side of his neck.

his hand fell down to your waist, other hand still holding yours tightly. he looks at you, a little nervous. you nod. he mumbles your name softly, hand fisting the side of your cotton shirt.

“you’re my favorite,” he mumbles again, under his breath. you bury your fingers in the back of his head and gently pull him closer until his nose brushes against yours. you can tell he’s a little nervous.

you kiss his lips softly and then pull away a little, looking into his eyes. he leans back in, hand cupping your face as he kisses you again. he was so warm and gentle against you, afraid you would shatter if he wasn’t soft enough with you.

he didn’t think he was much for affection, but the way you sighed against his mouth when he kissed you made him want more of you. he wanted to kiss you all day all the time forever. god he liked you so much. how did he go so long without this?

you pulled away a little, forehead against his. “hamzah i-“ a car alarm starts blaring outside, red headlights pulsing and flashing faintly from outside, piercing the dark. you hear muffled chatter and complaints from outside. hamzah pulled away, glancing towards the window and muttering something about bad timing.

“i um- i should head back to my place.” he shoved his hands in his pockets. you open your mouth to speak, hesitating and then just nodding. “okay, yeah um-“ you slide off of the door and open it for him. he looks at you quickly and mumbles a “night” before he slips out of the door and you close it behind him.

you slide down against the door, knees tucked against your chest on the floor. the car alarm finally died down outside. what were you even supposed to do now? go back to sleep?

-

hope u enjoyed!! sorry if this totally sucks 🤧

[gojo-mochi]

Softyyy~ is your req still open? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 ueueue you know how I adore your writing badly I can’t pass this opportunity 😖 ueue if it’s still open can I please req sabo being absolute feral, needy and nasty? wkwjskwswks the rest is up to you xD

thank youuuu🫶����

HIIIIIII OMG IM SO SORR FOR THE WAITTTTTTT I HOPE IT GOOD AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ENJOYINH MY WRITING SJKDF AHH I BLUSEHD WHEN I SAW UR ASK DSKF DFDF

˖◛⁺⑅♡ Female Reader! Canon world! Established Relationship!

˖◛⁺⑅♡ Warnings: Mentions of wounds and blood, nightmares, lack of appetite, depression symptoms, etc.

˖◛⁺⑅♡ Sexual Content: Creampie, unprotected sex, lots of biting, overstimulations, close pussyeating, cum eating, spit.

˖◛⁺⑅♡ Word Count: 7k +

105 days, 7 hours, 52 minutes, 13 seconds, and counting. Sabo had been gone from you for that long. Usually, he was accustomed to leaving on extended, secret missions, far from his friends and, in fact, everyone he knew. However, since you and him began dating, Sabo has been unable to tolerate being apart from you, crying on the inside like an anxious puppy when his owner is out of sight. 

A nervous puppy with the abilities of a professional killer, but to you he was still a puppy. 

The mission he was sent on was extremely important, and one he could not fail. Failure would result in months or even years of setbacks in the army's advancement. Even so, it was not any easier to leave you, he kept you in his arms for as long as he could. Holding you close to his chest, your heartbeats synchronizing themselves with each other. 

You were the first to begin to distance yourself from his warmth by leaning away, which only caused Sabo to draw you closer. He inhales deeply as he tries to recall every single thing about you before he had to depart. Tears sting at the corner of your eye, but you suppress them. Instead of leaving Sabo with tears in your eyes, you wanted him to remember that you were smiling. So, he would know that you’ll be just fine without him for a while. 

Hearing a sniffle, Sabo slowly pulls back, bringing his hands up to your face and holding them tenderly. Wiping away the single tear that escaped from your glossy eyes. 

“Promise me you won’t do anything too stupid.” You breathe out quietly, looking up at your lover’s face for the last time in a while. 

“I promise, my dear. I promise you that nothing in this world will keep me from coming back to you.”

He pulls you in for a long kiss, your lips finding their place onto his right away. You two stayed there for a long while, not parting a bit even for air. As you concentrate solely on Sabo, the sounds around you gradually fade away because you wanted to absorb much of this moment as possible

*bwAAAAAAAHHHP!*

The ferry horn blaring in the air startled you both out of the kiss, a thin trail of saliva formed a bridge between your bottom lips and his. Sabo was the first one to laugh, a cheery and airy laugh that washed away any last lingering anxiety held in your chest. 

“Looks like the crew is mad at me for being late, oh well, it was worth it.” He winks at you. 

He takes hold of your face, gives you a final peck on the cheek, and leaves, knowing that if he lingered a moment longer, he would notice your dejected expression and would instantly falter. You wiped away any more tears that were starting to form and yelled at Sabo as he boarded the ship, waving your arms in the air.

Screaming your farewells, sending your best wishes, and letting your heart run wild. You didn’t stop until you saw the ship leave over the horizon, your arms and throat sore from all the waving and shouting you did. It was all worth it though, you needed to let everything go this moment because you know the next few days, weeks, or even months will be miserable without him. 

And it was…

Every day that went by without a letter or any kind of news from his crew was agony to your very soul. The rest of the Revolutionary Army tried their best to cheer you up or soothe your worries, saying that Sabo was one of their best agents and he always came back from a mission. 

You knew that, but sometimes he doesn’t come back unscathed, sometimes the mission takes a heavy toll on him, whether that be mentally or physically.

Late at night, when he is at his most vulnerable, you can see the scars on his body and behind his eyes. The night terrors that would cause him to scream and claw at his own skin, the tears that he kept hidden from the public, shedding themselves in front of you. 

All the scars, stitches, and bruises that you took care of and looked after when Sabo said it wasn’t that big of a deal to everyone else. You knew Sabo trusted you enough to let his guard down with you, and you never wanted to betray that trust. You witnessed all of those moments and held them near and dear to your heart. 

So, whenever someone approached you and commented on Sabo’s toughness and resilience, saying how he’d be back in no time, you simply nodded along and smiled. Holding your hands to your chest tightly to fight down the anxious thoughts as you wish for his safety night after night. 

Once the second month passed, the anxiety started wearing down your body. Heavy bags under your eyes, a sickly complexion, your clothes being a little bigger on you than normal. Your smile now did little to sway the frowns on other people’s faces when they came up to check on you. You still had hope in your voice that he would come back to you safe, but everyone could see that hope was dying slowly as the days passed by.

Then, finally, a letter came. It was brief and had to be burned immediately after, but it contained news. Both good and bad news for how the mission was going, but at least you knew that Sabo was still alive, and that brought a smile back on your face. Though your heart did sink at the fact that the mission would take even longer than expected now, you did your best not to let this get to you.

Busying yourself with helping around the base, picking up new hobbies every week, anything to distract your mind from Sabo and his wellbeing. And soon another month had passed with not another letter being passed to you. For the past few weeks, your bed has been piled on high with Sabo’s clothing on top, you just needed to be near him in some way. Bundling up to his sweaters and holding his coats to your chest helped you sleep a little easier. The scent was wearing off with each night that passes, but you needed this or you felt like you were going to go crazy. 

“Y/N really, you can stay at my place tonight.”

Koala tugs at your arm, a gentle smile on her face.

“We could stay up all night if you want too! I have lots of card games up my sleeve that I can teach you! Oh! I can even try to teach you some fishman karate too!”

Koala starts to bounce up and down, listing off all the fun activities you two could do together.

You lightly shake your head and try to return her smile back, but she could tell it was forced. 

“Thank you, but I’m really okay alone. I’ll come see you for breakfast in the morning though, I promise.”

Koala lets go of your arm, with a frown forming on her face, but she didn’t push you anymore.

“Fine… but you better come in the morning! In fact, I’ll come over to your room and drag you out myself if I have to!”

Koala gives you a bone-crushing hug that squeezes the air out of your lungs. 

After a few harrowing seconds, you can breathe normally again. You said your goodbyes to Koala and promised her again that you'd be fine for the night. 

You start your trek back to your shared room with Sabo, stopping in front of the door with your hand on the handle. As some part of you prayed that somehow Sabo would magically appear behind the door if you believed hard enough. 

The door creaks open to a dark room, the clothes pile on the bed seems even lonelier tonight, you sigh and shuffle your way in. Throwing your shoes to the side and just gathering enough energy to shimmer out of your top and pants. You crawl up on the bed dressed down to your undies, grabbing a random shirt from the pile and shoving your face in the soft fabric, inhaling as much of Sabo’s lingering scent left on there as you can. 

With no more tears left to shed lately, you hugged the shirt tighter and willed your body and mind to go to sleep. 

A few hours go by before you fall asleep completely, still holding a shirt in your hand as your body huddles next to the heap of old clothing. You barely stir when you hear the door creak open. You turn over on your back as you hear more sounds—shoes scuffing on the floor, rustling, and then a voice that seems so distant.

A hand presses against your cheek, then the voice comes closer to you. With your mind still exhausted, it takes a while to realize that something was happening. You mumble something, and the voice laughs at you. You frown at being laughed at.

Your hands go to swat at the voice, still thinking it was just a part of your dreams, only to hit something surprisingly warm and sturdy. Your fingers start to trace whatever you just hit, pinching and pulling at it. 

The voice snorts at you, gently taking your hand away and holding it in theirs. Your eyes start to fly awake at this moment; a figure comes closer to your vision as you do. 

The figure stops just a few inches short of your face. You lift your head up to try to get a better look as your vision begins to clean up. What was blurry forms of dark blue and yellow soon turned into a real-life Sabo right in front of your eyes. 

Sabo smiles at you, going to pinch at your cheek as he says, “Hey there, beautiful, miss me?”

You gawk at him, your eyes goes wide. “Sabo..? Sabo? SABO!” 

You immediately leap from the bed into his waiting arms, with the heaps of clothing following in right behind you. But you didn’t care at that point, Sabo was back, and that was all you cared about right now. 

“Sabo! Oh my- Sabo I thought you-! I mean- I really didn’t think you be dead but sometimes I- I just worried so much and-” 

Your hurried words quickly transformed into sobbing blubbers, and Sabo listened to it all and comforted you.

“I know, I know.. I’m so sorry for being so late. The mission just got out of hand, and no…….. No, not tonight, I don’t want to talk about the mission tonight. Tonight is all going to be just about you, my darling.” 

Sabo holds your face in his hands, wiping away all your tears as he starts to pepper you with kisses. Sabo kisses you from the forehead down to your lips and nose, then down to your neck, where he also gives you a few bites. His teeth grazing down on your soft skin, with just enough pressure for it to leave a mark.

Your body reacts to the attention quickly, as low whimpers form on your lips. “Sa-Sabo, wait-you just got back and-”

Sabo nips at your collarbone, eliciting another moan from you. He pulls back just enough so he could look in the eyes. 

"Darling, please, I can’t wait any longer. Every waking moment I was on that mission, I was plagued by thoughts of you. I came here as fast as I could just to get to you, I didn’t care about anything else.”

You didn’t realize it before, but now that you got a better look at Sabo, you could see just how haggard he looked, his clothes had dark stains and were torn in some places. His body was covered in scars and bruises, both recent and old. 

“Sabo! Did you not go see the doctor before you came here!? Oh my god, I think you’re still bleeding some places too, we need to go see them right now.”

You make a move to get up, but Sabo quickly pulls you back down and pins you to the bed. Even in his weakened state, he was still overpowering you. His trembling hands press down on your exposed shoulders. You look up at him, much too worried about his condition more than anything else.

“Sabo, you’re hurt… we need to get you to the doctor.”

Your voice was gentle but firm, and as much as you missed his touch, you cared more about his health than anything else. At least that's what you kept telling yourself, in truth, you felt that your own self-control was slipping quite rapidly. 

Sabo leans down to rest his head on the crook of your neck, taking a deep inhale of your scent. You feel his hot breath ghost over your neck, sending shivers down to your core. 

"Darling, please, you don’t understand. I need you. I crave you.”

"I miss your scent, your body, your voice, your taste, and everything else about you," he muttered, his voice dropping an octave. His tongue slides up your neck, and his finger slides under your bra strap as he begins to pull it down. Pressing his tongue right over your pulse point, you whimper at his advances, feeling your guard lower with each passing second. You needed this too. How many times did you wake up with wet panties from a dream about Sabo's touch?

.

.

.

Fuck it, Sabo survived worse-looking wounds before.

You gave in, pulling Sabo in for a long overdue kiss. Your lips crash into each other with vigor, with teeth clashing and nose bumping pain, but you both didn’t care about that. Sabo’s tongue slipped into your mouth first, wet and sloppy with no sense of the control he usually has. Sabo moaned at finally tasting you again, drool dribbling down both your chins from how messy this kiss is.

His hands fiddled with your bra for a bit, practically ripping it to get it off of you. His hands then roamed down to the hem of your panties, shimmying them down as far as he could while he was still stuck to you. 

With you being almost fully naked now, Sabo wasted no time feeling up every inch of your body, his hands squeezing and pinching on your soft belly, rubbing up and down like he was mapping out your body in his mind. You squealed into his mouth when he squeezed you, feeling a little bashful about your body now.

You turn your head to break away from the kiss for a moment, trying to say something, but Sabo didn’t let you escape his grasp for too long. Quickly maneuvering himself between your legs as he literally tears the panties off of you with his bare hands. 

They were such a cute pair too…

He pins you down by the shoulders again as he takes over your mouth, snaking his tongue in as far down your throat as he can. He grunts as he pins both of your hands above your head and cuffs them with just one of his. 

You struggle and move from beneath Sabo, but his grip renders your arms useless. Even your legs are useless as you flail them around. Any more attempts would only further wear you down, you could only give in at this point. Letting Sabo take total control of you right now, allowing your mind to become clouded by desire as you feel every movement of his tongue. 

Sabo gives you some mercy, after a while, breaking the kiss and letting you have air again. You take in a few gulps of air and look at your lover, whose chin was absolutely covered in slobber now. His eyes aflame with desire, looking right back at you, held no shame for how he was acting. 

Sabo continued his assault on your neck, licking and nibbling at every square inch of your skin while keeping you pinned. Covering you in love bites that would be a pain to cover up in the morning later.

“Sa-Sabo, slow down a bit, nggh-please?” 

You did want him badly, so fucking badly, but Sabo was acting a little bit differently than he usually is tonight. Your worries start to creep their way in through the fog inside your brain. 

You feel Sabo shake his head against your neck, his free hand dragging down your side, fingers pushing against the softness of your body. All the way down to the side of your hips, his thumb circling right above your cunt. 

“Can’t slow down, need ya’ too badly.” Sabo whispered out. His nose presses against the curve of your neck as he pushes his thumb down onto your clit. You shudder out a moan at the feeling, eyes fluttering down as Sabo works his magic on your cunt. 

“Just enjoy it, my love. And, let me enjoy you…”

His thumb swirls and flicks at your precious little nub, getting it to be nice and hard. His other fingers swipe at your folds, coating them in your slick. Barely pushing the tips of his fingers in your opening, just teasing you with each stroke of his hand. 

“You’re tighter than normal, didn’t touch yourself when I was gone?” Sabo asked in a slightly strained voice. After that, he tilts his head downward and bites your collarbone too forcefully, causing a bit of blood to seep from the wound.

You mewled out in pain at the increasing amount of bite marks Sabo was giving you. Sabo's face falters at this, and making an apologetic noise from the back of his throat. He soothes your pain by licking at the wounds, his hot tongue lapping up the crimson liquid quite greedily. You crane your head backward, allowing Sabo to lick at every other wound he gave so far, his thumb slowly increasing pressure on your now swollen clit.

A brief thought then passes through Sabo’s mind: ‘What if you got with another man while he was gone?’ 

“Answer me, darling. Did you or did you not play with yourself when I was gone?”

Sabo trusted you with his life and all his secrets, but his insecurities did get the best of him sometimes, rearing their ugly head in the worst moments. 

You were too focused on trying not to cum too fast from his fingers that you didn’t really hear his question. Biting your lip to try to keep yourself in check. Your silence only made Sabo more anxious, he upped his tactics. Moving down and latching his lips onto your nipple and sucking harshly. Your body arched off the bed, colliding with Sabo’s, who was gently using his teeth on your now hardened bud. 

He pushed his fingers about an inch inside your cunt, only two for now, he wanted you to work for more. Moans and whimpers came from you, soft pleas for him to stop teasing you and fuck you already, it’s been too long. 

Sabo shakes his head, unlatching from your breast and curling his fingers deeper inside your cunt. 

“Not until you answer, darling~, did anyone touch what’s mine while I was gone, hmm?”

“Huh-ngghh! Sabo-please!” 

Before you even had the chance to think about your answer, Sabo starts plunging his fingers in and out of your wetness at a skillful pace, letting go of your wrists as well so he could cup your face to make you look at him. 

“Answer. Me. Love.”

Your eyes try to focus on Sabo and answer his question, but the heat pooling up inside your belly was getting too much to handle. You were only focused on how Sabo's fingers were long, how rough he was going, how his fingers hit all the right places inside you, and how much you wanted him to fuck you right away. 

"N-no, mmph-ngh-I-fuck."

You mumble out an answer as best you could, your breath shaky and unstable, as your whole body began to tense up for the oncoming orgasm. 

Sabo’s lips twitch upward at your answer, “No? So, no one touched this pretty, pretty pussy while I was gone. Are you certain? He cooed in a mocking tone. 

He squeezed your face a bit as drool dribbled out of your mouth and onto his fingers. Your eyes were closed, and you moaned pathetically, just wanting to focus on feeling good, but Sabo didn’t let you. You opted to just shake your head to answer him and just let go of your body’s control and let the orgasm wash over you.

“Ah-hah-mghmm-fuck! Sabo!”

You cum all over Sabo’s fingers, soaking the bedsheet beneath you. Your mouth falling open as you feel your body instantly relaxing and falling limp under Sabo. In the aftermath, your head falls back onto the pillow and your legs twitch slightly. Everything about you feels heavy now, your mind is already spent after one orgasm. 

Too bad Sabo wasn’t going to let you off that easily. 

Sabo lets go of your hands, leaning back on his knees as he starts to take off his clothes. Through your blurry vision, you could somewhat make out Sabo towering over you in this position, your cunt throbs at the thought of what is to come. 

“Fuckin hell- this is taking too long.” After undoing the first few buttons on his shirt, Sabo got annoyed at how slow this was taking.

Then, in Sabo's hand, a tiny fire appeared. It quickly leaped onto his chest and spread thinly down his body. Burning the troublesome buttons right off, along with some of his pants. Sabo quickly rips off the remaining burned garments. 

In one fluid motion, Sabo grabs your legs, pushing them apart and huddling himself right between them. His newly freed cock, hard and dripping, was now pressed against your thigh. Smearing the precum on your soft skin as he climbs over your body to fully face you. His hair falling down to his eyes, his usually kempt appearance now switched to one of a wild animal. 

He grabbed his cock and started rubbing the tip of it right on top of your clit, tapping against the sensitive swollen bud a few times to see your reaction. Then he pushes forward, sliding his cock in between your folds but not entering just yet. 

Getting your juices mixed in with his precum as he keeps on sliding back and forth, using your own slick as makeshift lube to cover up his cock. Sighing heavily at the feeling, Sabo fought his self-control to just plunge himself deep inside you, he still felt like he needed to get you more wet before he could enter. 

Rocking his hips back and forth on top of you, Sabo let his cock rub up all against your wet cunt, barely teasing it inside on some swings. The thick tip of his cock brushing up against your clit, making you feel his pulsing veins as he drags it back down. Sabo enjoyed seeing how your pussy fluttered against his cock when he was teasing you like this. 

You were getting more impatient with each passing, you needed him to fill you up, to remind you who you belonged to. 

“Sabo! Please, please, just fuck me already. I need you bad! Please!” 

You whimper and mewl out his name and try to wiggle your hips in an attempt to get his cock inside you faster. Sabo’s last remaining shred of self-control broke in that moment. Watching and listening to you beg for his cock just made everything in him snap. He spits down right on top of your cunt and his cock, rubbing the savlia in with his hands as he used two fingers to spread open you open.

Easing the tip of his cock in the opening little by little, really feeling much, he was stretching you out. He leans over more so his cock could get in just the right position to pound you fully. 

“Fuck… darling, you’re so good to me. So, so good to me.” Sabo grunts out as his cock was halfway deep inside of your cunt. Already feeling pussydrunk from how tight and warm your pussy was making his cock feel. He captures your lips with his once again, greedily stealing all of your gasps and whimpers as his cock fully sinks inside you. His hands grab you by the hips as he begins to slowly fuck you, the pace steadily increasing speed with each thrust. You feel Sabo moan in your mouth, his tongue going slack as he starts to focus more on pounding your cunt. 

You definitely felt the weight and the girth of Sabo’s cock in this moment. The stretch was a bit painful at the start, and the pace he was going at made you see stars. His cock was filling you up like never before. You felt like a virgin from how your pussy felt around him. Your hands clamber up to his shoulders, and your nails dig into his back as you try to steady yourself from how rough Sabo was going. The bed underneath you two shook heavily, and some articles of clothing fell from the pile as Sabo kept on ramming you. 

Sabo was gone at this point, the only thought in his head was breeding you, fucking you, and keeping his cock inside you at all times. Even in the small window where he had to pull his cock back, Sabo hated the feeling of not being squeezed by your cunt. 

“Fuck, fuck, yes, yes, yes! Mine, mine, mine, you’re mine, this pussy is mine. All mine, mine, mine!”

Sabo rambles on and on, repeating the word “Mine” a lot, his hips repeatedly slamming into yours, his hands roaming all over your body. Sabo’s hand felt like lava on your skin, in fact, Sabo’s whole body was heating up immensely. The entire room felt like a sauna at the moment, with steam rising to the ceiling. 

You felt the pleasure really start to increase inside you, your nails dug in deeper on Sabo’s back, clawing all the way down as you lost your mind. 

“Sabo, nghh, hahhh-ah! Mm-more! Yes!”

Your vision goes white as you reach climax, your legs go to hook around Sabo’s back, bringing him impossibly closer to you. Sabo groans as your cunt spasms around his cock, trying to milk every single drop out of him. He came soon after you did, spilling his hot seed inside of you. 

Everything was hot, too hot, you felt like you could melt into a puddle on the spot if it got any hotter. You felt sweat everywhere on your body, and you could feel it dripping off of Sabo as well, little beadlets of sweat dropping down on your chest as Sabo hovers above you. His breathing slow and heavy, his eyes meet with yours, and you muster up a tired smile in response. 

He smiles back, pulling forward to give you a chaste kiss on the lips before saying. 

“We’re not finished yet, you know that, right, my love?” 

A mixture of fear, excitement, and anticipation coiled through you, you didn’t know if you could handle another fucking like that, but your body was saying otherwise. Your pussy clenched at the thought, and Sabo felt that, with his cock still buried inside of you. 

“I knew you were ready for another round.” He said cheekily. 

You try to lean up on your elbows, only to find yourself lacking the energy to do even that. Falling right back down on the pillow, you look up at Sabo, biting your lips in contemplation. 

“Could you at least go slower this time? Please?” Your voice a little hoarse and meek. 

Sabo pats down your sweat-soaked hair and smiles brightly at you. “Don’t need to ask twice, baby. I’ll go extra slow for you, just relax and lay back. I’ll do all the work.” He coos at you gently, going in and burying his face in the nook of your neck. 

Taking in a deep inhale of your scent and licking up some of the sweat that pooled up on your skin. Sabo moans deeply at your taste, making you blush from embarrassment. Sabo placed his palms down on the bed and heaved himself up on them. So, he could look down at your expression as he started to slowly roll his hips forward once more. 

Dragging his cock deeper inside your sore cunt, your eyelashes fluttering down at the feeling. The stretch wasn't there anymore, but you could feel bruises forming from the earlier slamming. 

Sabo’s eyes didn’t leave your face as he continued on, enjoying all the cute expressions you were making. This was making you feel a bit self-conscious, and you turned your head away and tried to muffle any noises. 

Sabo had none of that and gently grabbed your chin and pulled you back to face him. 

“Look at me.”

Your lips quiver, and you still keep your eyes closed. You hear Sabo sigh softly, his hips picking up the pace, making you moan a little, your body trying its best to match him. 

Sabo’s other hand creeps up the side of your thigh, gently massaging it. His fingers warm and calloused, you could feel all the little scars he had on there as his hands glided up and down on your skin. 

“Pretty girl. Shy girl, so shy. You missed me, but now you can’t even look at me huh?” Sabo teased.

Your ears burn more at this, but you still refused to look at him. 

“That’s alright, you can just focus on the fully feeling me then.” 

Sabo purrs the last line as his hand moves up to the side of your hips, his fingers fanning out to gently rub on your clit. The light pressure on there was still enough to make your body jump from the feeling. Sabo used his pointer finger to rub small, lazy circles on your sensitive nub as his cock sinks in deeper. 

Sabo leans down back to your neck, his tongue lapping over all the bite marks he left there before. Trailing down to your collarbone and then over your breasts, where his breath ghosts over your nipples. His tongue snaking out to lap over your perky bud, circling around it a few times with the tip of the wet muscle. 

You mewl out in pleasure, feeling so full and so stimulated by everything that Sabo was doing to you currently. His cock sitting heavily inside you, his finger still rubbing on your clit, and now his tongue flicking against your nipple. All the pleasure was rapidly building up inside of you once more, but you still needed that push to let it all out. 

Your hand goes to the back of Sabo’s head, fingers in his hair, as you try to push him down further on your chest. Hoping that he gets the hint. And of course he does, his tongue is soon replaced by a pair of warm lips. As Sabo latches on to your bud and starts softly sucking on your breast. His body finally moving again, as he starts to slowly fuck you, his length felt bigger than before. 

Hitting deeper with each hit, Sabo didn’t go as fast as before, but this pace was more than enough to make you squirm. His fingers did not relent on your poor clit, as Sabo switched over to his thumb, flicking his appendage back and forth in rapid succession. 

This was getting too much for you, you began to shimmy your way back on the bed, away from the overstimulating feeling, away from Sabo. Sabo notices this and bites down on your nipple, making you yelp in surprise. His hands grab you by the hips and pull you back, practically slamming you down on his length. 

“Don’t move.” Sabo growled. His mouth still latched on to your poor abused bud, he lets you feel his teeth go over your nipple once more as a warning as his pace gets rougher. 

The sounds of skin slapping against each other and your weak and pitiful cries filled the room, Sabo soon added his own noises as he slurped messily on your chest. Switching from side to side, making sure that each one got their own set of attention from him. 

“Sa-Sabo! G’onn- Gonna!” 

Too fast. Too hard. Too much. Everything was too much for you, you were going to lose it, and Sabo was close behind you. 

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes, oh god-fuck, cum, cum, cum for me, love.” 

Sabo moans unabashedly, lifting up your hips and hitting in a new angle that pushed you over the breaking point for the second time tonight. 

Your hands claw up into Sabo’s side as your vision goes white and you release all over Sabo. This time you squirted all over yourself and Sabo, covering the bedsheets underneath you even more with your wetness. However, you were too exhausted to give a damn at this point.

Sabo was in heaven at this point, feeling your wetness gush all over him was like jumping into the fountain of youth. His grip on your hips didn’t falter one bit, in fact, it only got stronger. His fingers dug into the plushness of your skin and pulled your drained body right up to his, as his thrusts became shaky. Sabo just needed to feel more of you, screw with precision, or trying to find the best spots to hit, he just wanted his cock to as deep inside you as humanly possible. And if there was a way beyond that point, Sabo would find it or die trying. 

“Fuck-mm-haahh, love! Oh my-ngh, gonna fill you up again-so badly.You’re mine-mm, all mine, mine, mine forever.”

Sabo’s eyes started to cross from the bliss he was feeling right now, your pussy was still so tight around him, and you were so warm. Each thrust he could see and hear, both his cum and your own slick come out of your cunt. It was a sight he wanted to engrave into his mind, even if he had to forget everything else to have it there. 

“Mmm-hnngh, hahhh, Oh lo-love.”

Sabo’s eyes travel up to your face, watching you with your fucked-out look. The way your tits bounce, your mouth hanging open, your eyes barely open, but he could still see how absolutely beautiful you looked in his eyes. One of Sabo’s hands leaves your hip as he grasps the top of the headboard behind you, getting leverage as he relentlessly fucks you for the last ounce of power he still has in his body. 

His grip on the headboard was so strong it started breaking the wood there. Sabo was reduced to a beast in this moment, with just the primal need to breed. He feels his heart beating rapidly in his chest, the heat moving all throughout his body, his balls tightening once more, ready to release all his love inside you. 

With a final move of his hip, Sabo buries his cock as deep as it could go and came. His seed spurting out all at once, accidentally ripping a piece of the headboard as he finishes. He lets go of your hip, letting your body drop back down to the bed, your legs trembling and sore from all the abuse that it went through tonight. 

Your stomach felt like it was a furnace now, as Sabo’s cum was still being pumped inside. You felt so full from all of it. It felt like forever until Sabo finally pulled his cock for good tonight, his length twitching a little and covered in a mixture of your and his love. 

Sabo threw away the broken piece of headboard somewhere on the ground and made a move to get off the bed. You watch him wearily as he pushes some clothes aside and moves you closer to the middle of the bed, tucking your head underneath a fluffed pillow and grabbing a blanket to cover you with. 

There was your sweet, gentlemanly Sabo. You close your eyes and get ready to get a good night of sleep with Sabo by your side. 

As Sabo gets back on, you feel the bed dip, and then the blanket moves, but something was not right. Sabo wasn’t getting in to sleep beside you, he was getting under the blanket for some reason. You focus your gaze on the blob moving underneath the blanket, trying to gauge what the hell Sabo was doing under there.

‘Did he drop something? Or did the sex wear him out so badly that he forgot how to sleep in a proper bed?’

Your mouth moves open to speak, but instead a small yelp comes out instead, as you feel something wet move across your thigh. 

“Sabo!”

You lift the blanket up to see what was happening and see Sabo in between your legs, his tongue still out in the middle of a blep.

Sabo smiles at you cheekily, rubbing his cheek on the thigh he just licked, “Sorry for scaring you, love. Don’t mind me, I’m just helping clean you up.” He gives your thigh a wet kiss. 

“Saboooo, I’m tired and too sensitive.” You whined, you knew that any more stimulation on your clit would be too painful right now. 

“I promise, I’m just gonna to clean you up and not do anything else, dear.” Sabo flutters his eyelashes at you, trying his best to make puppy dog eyes as well. Your guard did lower a bit at the sight. 

“Fine…”

You were too tired to argue any further anyway, you put the blanket back down and closed your eyes. Finding the best position to sleep in with Sabo between your legs, you mumble out a goodnight to Sabo. 

“Goodnight, my princess.” Sabo purred, softly kissing a lot on your thigh. To your surprise, Sabo didn’t go wild at all. He was soft and gentle, doing small kitten licks on your skin, lapping up all the stains and areas. Moving to the inner part of your thigh, his hair tickling your skin a little bit, but it wasn’t that bothersome overall. 

Your hand moves down to pat Sabo on the head, absentmindedly running your fingers through his blonde locks, as your body starts to cool down and nod off to sleep. 

Sabo goes to the other side of your thigh and finishes cleaning over there, taking his time to lap up all the leftover creme. Allowing the sweet nectar to sit on his tongue for a bit before he swallows it down. 

Then, he moves up to your cunt, and being a man true to his word. He was gentle with this area, lapping up very slowly, making sure not to touch your clit too much. Just using the flat of his tongue to cover as much area as possible with each swipe. The feeling was oddly comforting in a way to you. 

You fell asleep far before he was done with cleaning, your hand still laid on top of his head. Your body softly snoozing away, with Sabo’s hand on your stomach feeling the rise and fall of your chest with each breath you take. 

When Sabo was done with his job, he shifted his body upward just a bit so he could lay his head on your stomach. Not wanting to accidentally shake you awake, he was fine with cuddling you here under the blanket together. 

His eyes flutter closed for the last time tonight as he holds your hand in his.

.

.

.

Morning comes quietly, you were the first to wake up, finding your body extremely sore but happy at the same time. You stretch your arms out and let out a big groan, feeling your shoulder muscles being pulled. You feel something move under the blanket and lift it up to find Sabo, sleeping comfortably on top of your stomach. He was like a heat pad for you all throughout the night. 

He nuzzles his cheek on your stomach closer when you try to poke him away. You huff at this, knowing that he was probably awake the moment you were. You poke his forehead again, Sabo jokingly bites at it in return. You pinch his cheek in retaliation, giggling at his reaction. 

“Come on, I feel gross and sticky. I need a shower. We both need showers, actually.” 

You make a move to get off the bed, but Sabo pulls you back in by wrapping his arms around your waist. 

“Nooo, stay.” Rubbing his face on your belly as he whines quietly.

You ruffle his hair and sigh, smiling at your lover’s silly antics. With the sunlight coming in the room, you could see just how bad some of Sabo’s injuries were now, along with the multiple bruises and marks littered across your body. 

“Come on, we both need to go to medical anyway. I’ll help you wash up in the shower if you get up now.”

Sabo’s ears perk up like a puppy’s, and he eagerly looks up at you with awaiting eyes. 

“You promise?” 

“Yes, dear.” You lean down for a kiss, lingering on his lips for a second as you look into each other's eyes. Sabo leans back in for a longer, more passionate kiss, his hand going to the back of your nape. Softly biting at your bottom lip as his tongue tries to sneak in your mouth. You shake your head but your body didn’t deny the need for him again. 

‘What about we do a quickie, then shower, and then I promise to be a good boy and go to medical?’ Sabo blinks his wide eyes at you as his hand lowers to your thigh, squeezing it softly. 

Your brain fights for an answer, the horny side really wants to do it again, but the rational side says that you should take him to medical sooner than later. 

“I-”

“GOOD MORNING WORLD! TIS IS I! KOALA HERE TO TAKE MY LOVELY FRIEND TO BREAK-EEEEEEEEEE!”

You were interrupted by Koala bursting into the room, all merry-like. You forgot that about the breakfast thing… and now she sees you and Sabo, butt-naked in bed together. 

“Sabo?! You’re back and you’re naked! Oh my god-sorry-I gotta take this call and goodbye!”

As quickly as she burst in, Koala left. Leaving a snickering Sabo leaning over on top of you. 

You soon join him in laughter. Though your cheeks were tinged pink with embarrassment, it was good to have Sabo back. Everything was the way it should be now. 

Well, except for Koala’s poor eyes.

[with-my-calamitous-love]

last 5 years running out my mouth

katsuki bakugou x reader

one night, amongst the crowds and the music, katsuki wonders why he’s looking for you- he knows you don’t go to parties, anymore. themes of (katsuki’s) depression and substance usage

i love you 5sos nation 🪐 inspired by you dont go to parties

5 am.

katsuki’s clinging to his couch. everyone on his contact list, and everyone on their contact lists and so forth, stood in his house. red, drunken eyes dart around, as if looking for someone. though he knows its futile. you’re not there. at least, not anymore.

he groans, sitting up. he needs to vomit. this isn’t a good look for a new, fresh-faced hero. he pushes through the crowds, starting to kick people out. he didn’t care where they went, just not here.

he knocked over a vase. he’s probably offended a bunch of people. he’s trying to make it to a place in the apartment that doesn’t reek of alcohol and dead dreams- an ambitious attempt, to put it nicely.

he groans, bumping into someone. he grows even more frustrated when he sees who it is.

“katsuki, you’ve gotta sit down, man.” kirishima says, directing his friend to the bedroom. kirishima is a party goer, but lately, he knows to stay sober enough to keep things in check. someone had to be bakugou’s jailor.

katsuki doesn’t protest, sitting down while the redhead ushers everyone out of the house. he sighs, returning to the bedroom, seeing bakugou sitting there, his head in his hands.

“fuck… i don’t know.” he pinches the bridge of his nose. he doesn’t curse out of anger or hatred; he curses out of sadness. katsuki sits there, like theres vultures spinning around him, waiting for their time to strike.

what a tragedy.

bakugou opens his mouth to say something, but the overwhelming urge to vomit takes over. kirishima walks over, pushing him onto the bed and making sure he lays on his side. he stares, heartbroken, wondering where it all went wrong.

✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚

you prayed he’d just talk to you, about his fears and about his doubts. you wish he’d be honest about his panic attacks, especially after the war. he’d wake up in a cold sweat, remembering the fighting, remembering the tears. but some invisible barricade caged his feelings inside his heart. this had to be his battle.

he’s still there in the darkness, feeling like a heartless monster. he’s starting to come undone, the sadness in his bones seeping into the security and confidence once embedded in him. maybe he isn’t who he set out to be in the first place.

but he’s not gonna let you know that.

“told you i’m find, moron.” he says, spooning you. he hopes you don’t notice how glossy his red eyes are, but you do.

“katsuki, please-“

“i’m fine.”

you bite your lip. if you can’t get him to open up, maybe you can take his mind off of it. a party never hurt anybody, right?

“…denki’s throwing this get-together tomorrow night.” you say, proposing the idea to him. “its a reunion for our class. we should go. it’ll get your mind off of… whatever it is.”

he scoffs, musing that he’s too good for parties. “yeah, a bunch of lightweight assholes i have to drive home? no thanks.”

“oh c’mon, it’ll be fun.” you pout.

it’ll be fun, and because you’re desperate to see a smile on his face again, even if its from laughing at his friends drunken antics. anything that’ll have even a semblance of your katsuki back.

“i’ll think about it.” he can’t say no to that face.

and that was the first time you ever saw katsuki drink.

he can handle his alcohol well, actually. he keeps you close by him, starting with one shot, and then another, and then kissing your neck in front of all your friends while his bitter breath tickles your skin.

he was laughing, enjoying himself. he was surrounded by people who diminished his doubts. a night of partying and fun did him some good.

what you didn’t anticipate, however, was how often he was attending them now.

the fame followed him everywhere. katsuki would end up in different celebrities’s basements, with close friends or even strangers. at first, you went with him. but it were as if the alcohol formed oceans between you two, separating you from katsuki.

he’s spiralling and you can see it. he’d chase down all that pain with shots, and all that trauma with drunken dares and released inhibitions. at first, you went with him to have fun. then, you went with him to make sure he didn’t take his foot off the breaks. now, you couldn’t bring yourself to go at all.

“katsuki, you need to stop.” you say, following one of his nasty hangovers.

he groans, clutching his temples. “don’t… god, you’re making my head spin, [y/n].”

“i’m making your head spin?” you scoff. “no, thats because you were out till 3 last night.”

“it was denki’s birthday.” he tries to excuse himself.

“no, it was sero’s, and they told me you were shitfaced for most of it!” you raise your voice, tears brimming.

his eyes widen, seeing how upset you are. he knows its irresponsible, but he also knows being drunk was a way to feel something, anything other than sad. given the choice between drowning in whiskey and drowning in tears, he chose the one that was capable of poisoning him.

“please.” you plead. “stop with the parties, with the drinking. its hurting you!”

“i have it under control!”

“you don’t!”

he stands up, his hangover more evident than ever. “god fucking damnit, [y/n]. if all you’re gonna do is bitch and moan like a fucking extra, just go!”

exactly 2 seconds in, katsuki realized what he said. but he’s too late.

theres a palpable silence in the air, followed by the sniffling crinkle of your nose as the tears cascade down.

“[y/n], babe, baby, i’m sorry. fuck, i-“

you slap him, cutting him off. his head whips to the side, just taking it. he wants to argue back, but he knows he deserved that.

you pack up your things, and he doesn’t have it in him to try and stop you. he begs in his mind for you to stay. secretly, you’re begging that he’ll beg.

but he doesn’t. and you leave.

subsequently, katsuki’s partying habit goes from controlled to dangerous.

he’s never not drunk, never not out doing something with people he doesn’t know. he’s always staying just a bit too late, but always manages to kick himself out in time to get to work. he’s always irritable, in part to the hangovers but largely in part to your absence.

people are starting to catch on. maybe not the fans, who adore him and his looks no matter what, but his colleagues have noticed a shift. the no-bullshit, toughed out dynamight sunk somewhere beneath his rising blood-alcohol levels.

still, he looks for you. he wonders if you’re still on the couch, singing karaoke with your friends, belting and humming along to the tunes. he thinks you might be in the kitchen, making yourself a drink and calling an uber in advance. or maybe you’re in the washroom, overstimulated, your anxiety taking over. anxiety he knows all too well. the anxiety he tried to hide beneath parties.

some nights, he’ll drunkenly stumble into the washroom, whether its his own or someone else’s. he’ll wonder if you’re there, sitting on the sink, ready to leave with him to your shared home.

but its another lonely night.

you don’t go to parties anymore.

because you’ve stayed at home, crying over photos, wearing his hoodies. everything you’ve learned about katsuki during your split had been against your will. there was silence from him, but the whispers of news and gossip tabloids could scream. you’re mad, yes, but you also pray for his safety.

selfishly so, you hope he still looks for you at those parties. at least there, he cares a little. maybe even more than you realize.

right now, he’s sitting on the couch with kirishima, denki, and sero. though all of them have had a bit to drink, katsuki is undoubtedly the worst of them all. he’s bitching about you, about missing you, about how you left him.

“she just.. got up and fucking left.” he slurs, leaning his head back. the mood is killed, and no one really has the energy to argue. except maybe for denki, who points out the obvious.

“you told her to leave. and she had a good reason for bringing it up to you, dude.” denki says. “can’t blame her for walking out on you.”

silence. the calm before the storm.

exactly 5 seconds later, katsuki is positively losing his shit, yelling at denki who just sits there, dumbfounded. kirishima is holding his friend back while sero attempts to position himself between the two. its one thing to be yelled at. but being yelled at by katsuki bakugou? thats something else.

“i don’t know what to do, man.” sero says, looking at eijirou for answers. the redhead honestly isn’t sure either. one thought crosses his mind, but he’s worried.

“get him to sit down.” eijirou says. “i’m calling [y/n].”

✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚

“hello?” you say into the receiver. theres a pit in your stomach hearing ejirou’s voice, knowing he wouldn’t call you if it wasn’t an emergency.

“hey [y/n], listen… katsuki’s drunk, and he’s yelling at denki… i’m so sorry, but… you think you can come get him?”

god, its exhausting being a good person sometimes.

“yeah, i’ll be right there.” you huff, grabbing your car keys. eijirou thanks you, knowing you might be the one thing that calms him down right now.

all 3 boys help get him into your car. your heart clenches, seeing just how badly he’s been doing. he’s sick, and he’s tired. his eyes are swollen from crying, you know it.

eijirou leaves you with a long hug, arms embracing you. “take care.” he says. “call me if he acts up. he might need someone to kick his ass.”

you chuckle, for what feels like the first time in forever. “yeah, he could.”

when you re-enter the car, you don’t start it right away. you look over at katsuki in the passenger seat. maybe he’s starting to sober up, or he’s drunk enough where he’s starting to be honest.

“i’m so fuckin’ sorry, babe.” he says. you just nod, eyes welling up with tears, words failing you.

he laughs bitterly, head leaning your way. “i’m a mess, [y/n]. like, a real mess. doctor told me i have depression. i didn’t tell you ‘cause i didn’t wanna look weak. pathetic, right? i feel pretty weak right now.”

you look over at him, already wanting to cry all over again. you should have seen the signs. right now, they are so glaringly obvious- the detachment, the avoidance, the drinking….

“and i miss you more than anything.” he says. “i wish i just… talked to you more. even if its your shitty knock-knock jokes.”

you’re crying, but you do scoff a little, holding his hand. “my knock-knock jokes are not stupid.”

“knock knock.” he says.

“who’s there?”

“i still love you. and thats the worst part about all these damn parties… you weren’t there. i don’t care about parties if you’re not there.”

that might have been the most sober thing he’s said all night.

you don’t say anything, not ready to forgive. but you do place a kiss to his cheek before driving him home.

✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚

a few days later, katsuki shows up to your house at 9 o’clock sharp- a new record considering the recent events. he called in advance, but your heart still skips a little when you open the door and motion for him to enter.

the bags under his eyes have reduced. he’s nor slurring his words, and he’s not snapping at all. he seems… better.

“i uh… brought you coffee.” he says, awkwardly handing you the cup. “i got you some sugar and creamer, cause i didn’t know how you like it.” he shoves his hands into his pocket and takes out the packets.

“katsuki, i have that all here.” you almost laugh at his nervousness. its clear that this has taken a hold on him. as he sobers, he feels the need to rebuild himself again.

“right, sorry, smartass.” he says, he sounds like an asshole, but its a nickname you’ve both grown used to.

physically, he seems like he’s finally gotten some rest. on the inside, however, you can see the turmoil in his eyes. he had spent weeks drunk on distractions. now, he’s facing all the things he’s fucked up.

you think back to what he said in the car. about his diagnosis, about his struggles. you wonder just how long he’s been feeling that tv static in his head, how long he’s been bullying himself. you wonder how strong his demons are, how they’ve got hands and how he was struggling to fight them.

it breaks your heart.

“i… i know what i told you the other night.” he huffs, hands in his pockets. “i remember that much.”

“…why didn’t you say anything?” you dare to utter, wanting to see his pain and wanting to shield him from it.

he pauses, finding the right words. “…i don’t know. i’m a hero, i’m the god damn best. i didn’t wanna look weak.”

“depression isn’t a weakness, kats.” you remind him, that familiar nickname rolling off of your tongue in a way that makes his heart ache. “especially after everything you’ve been through.”

he knows what you mean. the relentless training, the fights, all the times he thought he was going to die. honestly, he didn’t think he’d make it this far. everyday could have been his last.

“it just… hurts.” he admits, wincing at the vulnerability in his tone. “so damn much… like… i don’t know. like i’m trapped.”

his voice cracks at that last part.

“i don’t know what to do. how to deal with this. i just know i’m sick of parties. i’m sick of being away from you. i-“

you cut him off with a hug there, enough to get his eyes misty. he hugs you back instantly, fitting in with you like a puzzle piece. burying his face in your neck, he inhales and lets himself get lost in you.

“you don’t have to know what to do.” you say, stroking his back. “as long as you’re done hurting yourself. i’m here, you asshole.”

you shed a few tears as well as katsuki sobs that he’s sorry. but as you hold him, he admits to himself that vulnerability didn’t kill him- it just brought him closer to you. after days of searching for you at parties, during lonely nights, you’ve got him again.

and he’s never letting you go.

[chuuyascumsock]

I am NOT a Sadist (I am) || Minors DNI

Summary: Sorry, not sorry. I love when there’s hurt feelings with emotional make-up sex :)

Tags: Chuuya Nakahara/Reader, Female reader, Angst, Mentions Of Depression, Hurt/Comfort, I Totally Projected My Poor Communication Skills Onto The MC, Also Self Sabotaging, But She Gets Better I Swear, I Project A Lot Actually Lmao, Sounds Kind Of Like An Unhealthy Relationship At First But They Fix It, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, They Do Hurt Each Other’s Feelings A Little, Obviously There’s Crying, Pet Names (Baby, Doll, Sweetheart, Sweet Girl, etc.), Mention Of Phone Sex, Handjob, Fingering, Emotional Sex, Make-Up Sex, Creampie, Lowkey Breeding Kink If You Squint, Actually Pretty Vanilla For Once, Pussy Is Chuuya’s Therapy, Classic Missionary, Missionary Accomplished, Why Does No One Talk About Chuuya Going On His Overseas Trips And Leaving His S/O For Months At A Time, I Feel Like It’s Such A Good Angst Idea, My Longest Oneshot Yet Btw At A 5k Wordcount.

The honeymoon phase of your relationship with Chuuya ended quicker than you had anticipated. It felt like a slap in the face in all honesty, unexpecting of what you were really getting into as a normal civilian. Being married to an executive of the port mafia had its many upsides, yet no one really seemed to talk about the downsides and struggles of the mental toll that weighed on your conscience that came with the title as Chuuya’s wife. 

Chuuya had always been there when you needed him, and you were grateful that even with his rough exterior and conflict with opening up emotionally he could empathize with your varying issues and emotional outbursts. You tried not to be emotionally high maintenance for the sake of Chuuya already having so much on his plate, and things had seemed to be going well for the time being. 

Until he went away for his first overseas trip during your marriage. 

It was normal for Chuuya to take overseas trips while you were dating, some lasting a few days to a few weeks at most and during those times you often texted him throughout the day about how much you missed him before calling later on when he was lying exhausted in a hotel room to talk about how both of your days had gone. Of course, it had often led to phone sex, ending with the camera angled against a pillow while your fingers worked in and out of your neglected, needy pussy– your face buried into his pillow and smothering your senses with what was left of his presence in your apartment. And Chuuya would stroke his throbbing length at the sight with languid motions, thumb swiping over his leaking tip as he murmured through the speaker about how he wished he could be there to feel you split open on his cock and fill you up with his cum. And every time he came back from his trips, your relationship seemingly grew stronger from the distance, spending all his free time with you whenever he got the chance. 

And then Mori sent him away on a half year mission to Europe and everything seemed to go to shit. 

It was different when you had been dating as it was for a few days to some weeks at most, but a six-month excursion made your throat clench and your heart ache with saudade. You tried to keep a positive mindset, yet it was harder as each day had passed and Chuuya grew too tired from the days’ events to even call anymore. Messages on his side grew shorter and dull by the end of the third month, only sending a small good morning and good night text with the occasional ‘I love you’.  

Instead of bringing it up or attempting to fix it, you felt a sense of hopelessness and withdrew from him as well, not wanting to burden him with your spamming messages or feelings that could hinder him while dealing with an important mission. You spent the next three months stewing in a depressive state, loneliness eating away at you as you went day to day going to your job and coming back to an empty apartment. You stopped going out with your friends, stopped bothering to take care of yourself– completely ruining your sleeping and eating schedule in the process– leaving you with dark bags under your eyes and slightly paler looking complexion. You had grown so comfortable in Chuuya’s love and had no idea how to handle the situation you were in, fearing of saying something that would upset him. 

When Chuuya had come back, he hadn’t noticed the change in your behavior– too tired himself to see the toll his absence had taken on you. But to you, your straining relationship was apparent, and it only fueled your depression as Chuuya spent less time with you when he got back home than he used to when you were dating. He was either working on other missions given by Mori within the area or spent his free time sleeping. You barely felt as if you were married anymore, your relationship seeming more like roommates who rarely ever interacted every passing day.  

Your deteriorating mental health was beginning to wear your mind and patience thin, leading to a series of outbursts and fights between the two of you. You’d snap at him with an antagonizing start, and he’d finish with a frustrating end, either leaving to cool off or going to sleep on the couch. You could tell it was getting to him because he confronted you one day after he had mentioned that Mori was thinking about sending him on another grueling months-long overseas mission in America and you gave him the cold shoulder, closing yourself off from him. 

“What the hell has been your problem lately, huh? You’ve been acting shitty for the last few weeks and it’s really starting to get on my nerves,” He gripes, crossing his arms over his chest defensively as he leans against the kitchen counter. 

“I don’t have a problem, you’re the one starting things,” You tiredly glare at the words in your novel, wanting to read and forget everything falling apart around you, but it’s hard when Chuuya persists.  

Chuuya scoffs, “Bullshit, you have this nasty attitude and it's been bothering the hell out of me– so what the hell is your problem?” He repeats, his eyes burning holes into the side of your apathetic expression from across the room.  

“Good thing you won’t have to deal with it for long, huh?” You respond flatly, avoiding his question once again. You and Chuuya have always had an issue with things like this due to him being blunt when he was upset about something while you tended to dance around it and drawl the problem on longer than it had to be than if you were to talk about your problems from the start. 

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” His jaw sets, teeth clenching behind his scowl, “You know it annoys the hell out of me when you say cryptic shit like that— answer my question.” Chuuya’s temper was something no one enjoyed testing and you once feared setting him off, but now you couldn’t find it in you to care whether he blew up on you or not. 

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your next mission?” You’re metaphorically poking more than just a bear at this point; this is an entire fucking lion you’re sticking your hand into the mouth of– waiting for it to rip you apart. 

Chuuya’s steps are heavy as he approaches you with a stern glare, “I’m not leaving until you tell me, I’m tired of these games, [name].”  

His words make you snort bitterly as you mock, “Yeah, okay– like you’re not just Mori’s lapdog– at his every beck and call.” You know he’d leave the minute Mori sent a text or called asking where he was. 

Chuuya’s face contorts in mild surprise and slight hurt at your words, not expecting you to stoop so low as to refer to him as a lapdog for Mori. “I really don’t know why the fuck you’re acting like this, but it’s seriously pissin’ me off. Can you just tell me what I supposedly did wrong to make you treat me like this? Because last time I checked, I didn’t fuckin’ do anything,” His statement was ironic in the sense that him not doing anything was the problem.  

Your nostrils flare with a deep exhale in spiteful amusement, though nothing was amusing about it, because you knew you were going to regret everything you said after the fight was over.  

“Of course, you didn’t,” There’s clear sarcasm in your tone, your hands now messing with the pages of your novel mindlessly. 

“Why won’t you just talk to me!? I can’t read your mind– how can I fix a problem when you won’t tell me what I did wrong?” He starts to raise his voice in frustration. You can see his fists clenching from the corners of your eyes. 

You only remove yourself further emotionally by shutting down completely. It was common for you to go completely non-verbal in any argument, the stress of the conflict physically affecting you in ways that kept you from speaking– like your throat tightening and tongue growing heavy in your mouth. This was another issue between you and Chuuya as he was the type to raise his voice whilst arguing to make himself and his feelings known, the complete opposite of yourself. 

An inkling of doubt buries in your chest as you begin to think that maybe you’re not as compatible with Chuuya as you thought you were. 

Chuuya notices your silence and he feels his impatience growing, his foot starting to tap against the floor with agitation as his hands fall to rest on his hips, “God dammit, [name], can you just tell me? I’m not in the mood to play detective and try to figure out why you’re playing your fucking games, I have shit to do.” 

You find it in you to respond, though it’s weak and filled with animosity, “You always have shit to do.” 

An exasperated sigh leaves Chuuya as he stands in front of you, “Is that what this is about? Because I have work? A job? Believe it or not, the mafia isn’t as lenient as to give me a day off, sweetheart,” He says sarcastically, throwing his hands up for emphasis. “Sorry that I have to serve an organization that will literally have my head if god forbid, I even thought about leaving!” 

“You don’t even spend time with me anymore when you do have time off,” You rasp, your eyes set on the crumbling pages underneath your fingertips. 

“I’m exhausted because I’m constantly working my ass off! Sorry that I can’t do fuck whatever and whenever like you can! Unlike you, I actually work for the things I want instead of sitting around and waiting for it to just fall into my lap!” Your brows furrow at his words, knowing it’s utter bullshit. But it still gets under your skin. 

You could easily quit your job and live off of the makings of what Chuuya has— he’s even offered the idea before— but you wanted to keep a sense of independence and to continue to be productive instead of a burden that burns cash. Your conclusion is that it was to get back at your lapdog comment. 

“And you know what? You have nothing to fuckin’ complain about because you get everything you want. Are you just bored? Is that why you’re starting shit? Or is it those friends of yours filling your head with bullshit?” He leans over to your eye level, his hands resting above his knees for support with a firm stare into the side of your face as you refuse to make eye contact with him. 

You were over this. All of it. You were tired of the tension, the fighting, feeling the way you were.  

Which led the next words to slip out from your mouth without a second thought, “I want a break.” 

Chuuya’s scowl quickly shifted to a look of pure bewilderment, to immense hurt and slight panic, then to anger, “A break? You can’t just take a break whenever something doesn’t go your way, that’s not how this works.” 

“I don’t care, I want a break,” It’s getting difficult to talk again as you feel your eyes begin to water. 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that,” He demands, almost hesitantly. 

It takes minutes for you to finally look into his piercing gray eyes without crying and repeat your words, “I want a break.” 

His body straightens and he brings a hand to rub at his eyes, his other hand on his hip. He seems disappointed and a whole lot of other emotions, but mostly frustrated at this whole ordeal. There’s a deafening silence before he drags his hand down his face and lets it fall to his side, “You want a break? Fine, I’ll tell Mori I’m going on the mission then and be gone by tomorrow morning— you’ll get your break.” He then storms off to finish getting ready for work, leaving you to sit alone on the couch, regretting everything that just happened. 

And even when you still have the chance to stop him from walking out the door and just talk to him, you don’t. Instead, you stare down at the ring on your finger numbly, listening to his heavy footfalls as they move towards the front door and then the slamming that follows when he leaves. 

You soon break down crying after, feeling as if you’ve lost everything. You know you could easily fix it with a simple text of wanting to talk things out, but the self-sabotaging nature in you refused to move a muscle. You cry for hours until your body grows exhausted, and you fall asleep on the couch in a tangled mess of some throw blankets and decorative pillows. 

Hours later, Chuuya enters your shared apartment quietly, taking his hat off as he runs a hand through his hair. He’s tired just as much as you are with how things are going in your relationship, and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s lost and trying so desperately to figure out how to fix it, but he can’t when you won’t tell him what the problem is. He knows you struggle deep down with telling others about how you feel, and it makes him feel hopeless at times when you won’t even tell him how you feel. 

His eyes trail over the living room before they fall on you and the blankets your body is buried under, your sleeping face peeking through. Chuuya takes light steps over to the couch before crouching in front of you and taking off one of his gloves, his hand slowly reaching out to move a few baby hairs away from your face. His eyes soften when he rubs away the tear stains on your cheeks with his thumb.  

There’s a small ache in his chest from the events and words exchanged earlier, feeling a growing tightness in his throat. He didn’t mean it when he said those things and he knows you didn’t mean what you said. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt any less.  

He begins to feel guilt weighing on his consciousness. He replays all your expressions and words in his mind and starts to think about your reaction to the whole reason the fight started in the first place. It takes a few moments of him silently sitting next to the couch and caressing your face mindlessly until he finally realizes what’s been wrong the whole time. 

When you wake up hours later, you’re no longer on the couch, but placed comfortably in your bed. You rub the crust from your eyes and feel a heavy weight in your chest like a bag of stones when the spot next to you is void of Chuuya. ‘He actually left,’ You thought, but you knew you had no one to blame but yourself— even if you had hoped that he would stay. Now fully awake, you slip out of bed sluggishly and shuffle out your bedroom. 

A faint voice from the living room catches your attention and you notice that it’s the TV. There’s a small spark of hope that flickers in your stomach as you slowly creep into the living room. Relief settles in your heart to see the back of Chuuya’s head peeking from the couch. You make your way around the couch timidly until you’re in Chuuya’s sights. He stares tiredly at the TV before he sees you move into his view from the corner of his eye and looks over to you. 

“I… thought you were going to go on the mission…” You whisper, anxiously twisting and fidgeting with the end of your oversized shirt that slightly hangs off your shoulders. 

“I had Mori get someone else to do it,” Chuuya responds quietly, his eyes traveling your figure from top to bottom before propping an arm on the backrest of the couch as a silent invitation for you to sit next to him. 

As soon as you sit next to him, his arm shifts until his callous hand rests on the nape of your neck, rubbing at your skin in a soothing manner. He pulls you into his side after a few moments and turns his face slightly to press a soft kiss against your hairline.  

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around,” He starts off, sincere in each word as he continues, “Why didn’t you say anything?” It sounds almost rhetorical because you know he knows why on a surface level, but he doesn’t know why.  

You’re silent for a bit before hesitantly answering, “I didn’t want to stress you out by making you feel like you had to constantly tend to me.” 

“You’re my wife, not a burden. No matter how stressed out I am, I don’t want you to ever think that you can’t come to me with your feelings or just to bother me. I know I was gone for a long time, and I shouldn’t’ve become as distant as I had, but–” He sighs out in exasperation, “–Baby, you’ve gotta communicate with me. I don’t wanna fight like this and worry about our marriage. I want us to work out– I need us to work out because…” Chuuya trails off before moving his body to turn towards you and tilt your chin up with his other hand to look you in the eyes. 

“I need you, [name]. You’re my person. Okay?”  

Your chest throbs and aches at his words as his slate gray eyes flicker over your face and then meet your now watering eyes, “You’re my person too, Chuuya. I’m sorry…” You croak out through quivering lips and break down into tears, leaning forward to bury your face into his chest. “M’sorry– didn’t mean anything I said last night– won’t do it again,” You stumble over your words through muffled sobs.  

Chuuya moves his hand from your chin to hold the back of your head, pressing you into his chest as he kisses the top of your head, “I know you didn’t, sweetheart. I didn’t mean what I said either. You know I love you, right?” 

You nod, your small sobs and hiccups muted by his loose tank top as you hug your arms around his torso to pull him to you as close as possible, “I love you too…” 

He pulls you back reluctantly from your embrace and cups your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumbs, “I promise that I’ll make an effort to be a better husband, I don’t want you to feel like that ever again. I shouldn’t have neglected you like that and made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me. That’s the last thing that I want.” 

“I’m gonna do better too, promise,” You sniffle, trying to hold back from anymore tears falling down your face, “Wanna be better for you.” 

“I wanna be better for you too, doll,” He murmurs before his face grows closer to yours to place a soft, innocent kiss against your lips. 

Your hands come to clasp over his own that cup your face and your eyes lull into his fond gaze, “I missed you,” You whisper with longing. 

“I missed you too, baby. It killed me not being able to wake up next to you every morning n’see your pretty face,” He exhales gently, kissing you again. 

Your heart stutters at his words and you reciprocate the kiss, refusing to pull away as quickly as before. When your lashes flutter open, you lean your face into his touch, “I need you, Chuuya,” And it’s clear to him that it wasn’t meant in just an innocent manner.  

“Yeah? Missed me that much, sweet girl?” His nose nudges against yours affectionately before capturing your lips into a sensual kiss. Feeling his lips smother against yours and the ring on his finger to remind you of his undying love and devotion to you only encourages the simmering heat in your chest and lower stomach. And when he mumbles a muffled, “C’mere,” against your lips, you’re quick to climb into his lap and thread a hand into his ginger hair. He hums in amusement at your eagerness and moves his lips to trail pecks along your jaw and down your throat, “Always were so needy f’me and I fuckin’ love it– love everything about you, doll.” He groans under his breath, hands heavily groping at any part of your plush body to keep you against him. 

“Only for you, it’s always been you,” You breathe out with a shaky exhale and Chuuya is unable to hide the small whimper that escapes the back of his throat. 

“Fuck, it’s always been you too, doll. I love you so much it hurts,” He pulls you back down into a desperate and hungry open-mouthed kiss, his tongue seeking out until his muscle is entangling with yours.  

Your face flushes with warmth as you mold your lips against his feverishly, head tilting to deepen the kiss until you’re both panting for air into each other’s mouths, “Please…” You plead, squirming in his lap. 

“I know, babydoll, I feel it too,” Chuuya groans quietly, feeling your thinly clothed pussy skim over the bulge in his gym shorts. “Wanna take this slow though, need to feel all of you, okay?” His hands cup the bottom of your thighs as he moves off the couch to stand up, your lips not parting for even a second as he makes his way to your bedroom and over to the bed. When his shins bump against the bottom frame of the bed, he leans over to lay you down on the mattress gently, lips leaving yours to move back down the expanse of your neck. You shiver, fingers messily tangling into his locks of hair whilst your other hand finds its way in between your bodies to run your hand over his erection. “F-Fuck,” Chuuya breathes out against the skin of your throat, hips jerking forward into your touch. “God, it’s been so long, I almost came,” He admits with embarrassment before latching onto a small patch of your skin to suckle at, pressing kisses to the spot occasionally. 

“Baby, please— wanna touch you so bad,” Was all you had to whine before he slips his baggy gym shorts off to reveal his stiff, throbbing cock. Your hand wraps around him, thumb pressing to his leaking slit to swipe at the precum dribbling out to spread it along his length with a few pumps of your hand. There’s a quiet “schlick” each time your wrist flicks to draw your hand back up to his angry mushroom tip before moving back down to the base of his shaft. 

Chuuya is unashamed when he lets out airy moans against your neck that’s now littered with his love marks, “Shit, you’re s’fuckin’ good, baby— just like that.” His right hand finds its way under your large shirt to grab at your underwear and pull at it until it tears off you. 

“Chuuya,” You whine in complaint, watching him toss the now torn fabric onto the floor, “I liked those.” 

“S’okay, I’ll get you more, sweetheart, promise,” His teeth dig into his bottom lip as he slips his middle and ring finger through your folds to spread your glistening sex open. “Look at how fucking wet you are, you like jerkin’ me off that much, pretty girl?” He groans, eyes glued to your hole clenching around nothing. 

You bury your face into the crook of his neck timidly as your hand pumping around his cock falters slightly from the way he talks, “C-Chuuya…” 

Chuuya chuckles before softly moaning into the side of your head, face nuzzling affectionately into your hair, “C’mon, doll, don’t be shy, look at how your sweet little cunt takes my fingers.” 

Flustered, you peek from his neck to watch his digits dip into your arousal, dragging them up to circle over your clit a few times and then slipping down to sink into your pulsing walls. Whilst his fingers weren’t considered long, they have you twitching from pleasure with how thick they are. “Feels good,” You slur out as your hand squeezes around the base of his cock. 

“Yeah? You love it when I stretch this pussy out with my fat fingers, huh?” He sucks in a short breath as he tries not to come right then and there in your hand as he fingers his digits in and out of your squelching pussy. “My sweet girl likes having her hole stuffed by her husband, hm,” His fingers work faster in and out of your cunt as he angles his thumb to draw rough circles into your needy clit.  

Your grip and stroking around his length only continues to falter as your thighs spasm softly, “M’gonna come— fuck— Chuu, noo, no, no…” You squirm, your other hand tugs his hair. 

“What’s wrong, doll?” Chuuya’s fingers slow to a stop, causing you to whimper from the ebbing buildup of your orgasm. He’s the same as you when he feels your hand come to a stop around his shaft. 

“Wanna come on your cock,” You mumble into him, “Want you to fill me up with your cum.” 

Chuuya feels his heart thrum in his throat wildly as he hears you speak before making quick work of your shirt and his tank top until you're both as bare as you were when you were brought into the world. “Yeah? Need me to fill your cute pussy up until my cum is spilling outta ya?” He hovers over you between your spread thighs as he hooks your legs over his hips.  

“Just wanna feel you close to me,” You admit with a sweet and quiet voice, your legs drawing him in until his throbbing cock is rubbing between your pussy lips with his tip nudging at your puffy clit. 

His eyes widen barely before softening, his movements becoming less erratic and eager as he leans down to place a gentle kiss against your lips. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head, doll, m’gonna take care of ya like I always do.” He whispers, his right hand moving to guide the tip of his cock against the entrance of your core. Much like his fingers, his thick length bullies into your warm pussy slowly, stretching and splitting you open on his cock. “Fuuuuck, baby, you take me so well. Can’t get enough of seeing you stretch open on me.” 

Your legs tighten around him as you feel his hips press against yours until his balls are flush with your ass, “You’re s’big— it hurts every time, but it hurts good,” A small whimper leaves you as your hands grip at the bedsheets. 

When Chuuya pulls away, he watches his cock twitch from the loss of warmth your tight hole provided before seeing it stretch you back open to fill you. “God, I’ll never get over you,” He hisses through his teeth, pistoning his cock in and out of you at an agonizing pace, “Your pussy was made for me.” 

Chuuya’s gaze isn’t on where your bodies connect for long before he’s back to hovering over you, pinning your hands above your head. They’re placed palm up on top of one another before being locked in place with his left hand interlocking your fingers. The action makes your heart tighten with affection as well as your fingers when you squeeze his hand. The subtle noise of metal clinking from your wedding bands only makes your heart swell with pure unadulterated love for him further. Your eyes start to water again from the overwhelming emotions and love you feel for him. 

He squeezes your hand back in comfort, eyes studying your teary face, “You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that, doll?” He says out of nowhere, “M’so lucky to have you.” 

You clench around him as you stare back through blurry eyes back into his focused ones, moaning from the way his tip kisses at your g-spot with each thrust. “Mm— Lucky to have you too— you’re so good to me, Chuu,” You mewl out, feeling your stomach twist and coil with intensity.  

“Want you to come for me, please, baby— wanna make you come,” Chuuya’s words grow more pitchy and airier as he reaches his right hand down to rub at your throbbing clit with vigor. 

“A-Ah, fuck—“ Your body arches, hips erratically bucking into his, “C-Coming..! Shit, s’too much.” You sob, tears slipping down your temples and into the mattress. Your cries are soon silenced by Chuuya’s lips swallowing your noises in a passionate, yet sloppy kiss. You muffle incoherently against his lips, but he knows it’s a repeated line of I love you’s as your nails dig into the back of his hand and you cream around his length.  

As your walls spasm around his twitching cock, a guttural groan leaves his throat and he spills his hot, viscous cum deep into your starving pussy until it’s leaking out of your tight hole and down his balls. “Atta girl…” He murmurs through pants, kissing your sweaty forehead lovingly. 

“I love you,” You repeat gently one last time as you both relish in the softness of your afterglow. 

“I love you too,” Chuuya sighs with a ghost of a smile on his face as he admires you underneath him, hand coming down from your hands to wipe away your stray tears, “Promise me you won’t go anywhere, doll? Cause I’ve still got years of loving you left to go.” 

[kayentokk]

Easy Peasy Sukuna Squeezey(Part 1);A Lot More Ice Cream

Pairing;Sukuna x Fem! Reader

Summary;Sukuna always knows what to do when you’re upset, but this time he thinks he’s gonna need a lot more ice cream to fix the problem. 

Contains;feelings, some sadness, cheating mentions, angst kinda (not in a death way), comfort(Sukuna comfort), 🥹

wc; 1,261

A/N;uhmmm y’all I think imma make this a series. Cuz I wanna drag it out and I have more ideas for this storyline, so bear with me. And I hope you enjoy the first chapter!

Series M.list Next

The smell coming from inside was musk, and humid. You could feel it radiating through the door. You knew this was coming, hell this is what you came over here for. But it still hurts like a bitch to know your boyfriend, ex, is in the middle of sex with one of your mutual, ex, friends. 

You were tipped off today by one of your ex’s friends, the only reason he told you was because quote unquote he “can give you a better time than that prick.” At the time you thought, he’s probably not wrong, maybe you’ll even take him up on the offer after this. That’s not likely though. You’re just, rightfully so, in your feelings and feeling angry about the whole situation. 

You still wanted to see for yourself though, so you went to his apartment. You quietly unlocked the door and turned the knob, you just needed to know for yourself. You didn’t want to be privy or see the adulterous, disgusting act. 

As if the clothes, that obviously belonged to him and his little- thing, that were in a trail leading to the bedroom weren’t enough, a loud, keening, high-pitched whine was let out. You didn’t need to see or hear anymore, that was enough. 

You had tried to tried mentally prepare yourself before you got there, deciding to walk there for the commute instead of driving because you could clear your head better, but nothing prepares you for betrayal. And this was betrayal at its finest. 

You placed the keys on the counter, opened the door, and slammed it shut loudly on your way out. You were hoping to startle them, but you’d be long gone before they got a clue. 

You didn’t want to go home, so you didn’t. It’s not like you had anything waiting on you there, besides the memories that were once happy of you and him. And that’s just depressing. 

After walking for a while, you noticed where you were headed. Sukuna’s house. It was only natural to want to go there. Sukuna is your best friend, of sorts. You guys grew up together, you went to the same schools your whole life, and your mothers were best friends. So you guys were destined to be close in some way. 

You stopped yourself right across the street from his complex. All the intrusive thoughts immediately rolled in, what if he has girls over? Or he’s having a party? Or maybe he’s not home?   M-maybe he doesn’t want to-

“Hey,” a gruff voice greets you.

It’s Sukuna. 

He’s in his car, the windows are rolled down and the music is low so that you can hear him, he has a couple of bags in the front seat, he must have just been returning from somewhere. 

“Hellooo? Earth to y/n?”

You snapped out of it, “hey,” you greet him lowly.

“Were you coming to see me?,” he asks reaching for his phone from his back pocket, “I didn’t think I got a message from you.”

“You didn’t. I didn’t know I was coming here either to be honest.”

“Oh…well, are you gonna get in or what? It’s freezing outside and you’re letting all my heat out of the window you psycho.”

It’s cold? Yeah, it is the middle of winter. You hadn’t noticed until he mentioned it. He moved the bags to the backseat without even having to get out of the car, the perks of having long arms, and you got in. It was warm, and your fingers started to defrost.

He parked the car in his designated spot, and you went to get out of the car but not before he stopped you by grabbing the hood of your coat. You turned your head and looked at him. His bright garnet eyes were piercing right through you, and you wanted to break. You wanted to crumble and cry and scream, you hate that look. Like he knows something is wrong. 

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong? or we jus’ not gonna talk today?” 

Your lip quivers and at that small twitch Sukuna’s face drops. The normal irritated grimace that dawns his face is replaced with something else, something you’ve never seen before. It’s almost a saddening expression, it doesn’t suit Sukuna at all, you think. 

In all the years you guys have been with each other, Sukuna thinks, he’s never seen you look so delicate or fragile. He’s seen you cry over getting a “boo-boo” or “ouchie” when you were small, he’s seen you cry over being reprimanded, hell he’s even seen you cry during your period, but all those things he could fix. A bandaid, a cookies and cream waffle cone, and a movie. Easy peasy, Sukuna squeezey. But a part of him felt like this ouchie would be harder to fix if he could fix it at all. 

“He cheated ‘kuna,” you spoke plainly. It was harder to admit than you thought. You immediately felt repulsed from it.

He didn’t know what to say, he was in utter shock and he wanted to kill the dirty bastard. How could he? You devoted yourself to him and you cared and treated him with all the kindness in your heart. Sukuna was so enraged and he also felt….sad? This wasn’t the usual agitated feeling he got when you were upset, this was different. He knew this was different. You weren’t even crying yet, just sitting silently in pure consciousness. 

You didn’t really want to talk about it if you’re being honest. Your boyfriend-ex, cheated on you. What else was there to say about it? But the silence was killing you.

“You could say something y’know,” you sniffled bringing a hand up to rub your nose. “It’s more embarrassing if you don’t,” you chuckled dryly.

Sukuna, however, didn’t find it funny. Nothing about this was funny. And it was becoming apparent to him, that he’d need a lot more ice cream. 

What do you want him to say though? If he told you he’d kill him that wouldn’t solve the issue or lessen your hurt, If he acts out of character and said sorry you’d just think he’s taking pity on you and he knows you hate that. 

So Sukuna does what he knows best, he “ignores” it. When you were both in your adolescent stage and you were mad at him about something harsh that he probably said that’s what he did. 

He’d still talk to you even if you were ignoring him, which pissed him the hell off by the way, he’d do anything you wanted. And eventually you’d forget why you were mad at him in the first place, it was his way of apologizing. That was the only way he knew how to treat you without you feeling like he’s pitying you.

So he turns off the car, gets out, grabs the bags he put in the back seat, and when he sees you’re still in the car he gives you a nod and says, “come on, we don’t want you to freeze do we?” And you smile, it’s only a fragment of what it normally is, but you smile. And Sukuna feels relief, of course if you wanted to talk about it he’d listen. But right now, it’s freezing outside and he doesn’t think a car is the right place to have that conversation. All the people passing by while you’re hyperventilating and crying over your jerk of an ex is not exactly what you want to happen either.

So you follow him into the apartment. 

@/cafekitsune for the divider

[demonslayerunhinged]

Unhinged theory

Sanemi and Giyuu are exes (Part 1)

In celebration of the canonization* of my favorite couple, I've decided to try to get out of my writing funk by writing this theory. There's a teeny tiny spoiler included for those of you who haven't read the manga. So bewareeeeee.

Ok so, whenever I think of the actual-current-canon-in-the-anime/manga relationship between these two, something about their animosity just seems off. Even though they don't 'like' each other, and they clash a lot, their interactions give this "We used to be somewhat close" energy. Whether it's ex-friends/boyfriends doesn't matter, the point is that I feel these two have history.

So lemme explain:

Hide yo coins cuz I'm finna reaching with this one 😂

The beginning

I think their relationship started around the time when Sanemi became a Hashira. He was still raw and hurt over the death of Masachika, his new colleagues have a terrible first impression of him, plus he just got the news that Genya has joined the Corps and there's nothing he can do about it. Needless to say, our boy isn't doing so well.

Enter Giyuu, he's new to the Corps too(I figured he joined a bit earlier than Sanemi), Obanai isn't here yet for Sanemi to bond with, and he's an outcast so they would probably gravitate to one another even if they don't realize.

Maybe they went on joint missions and during that time they would have to communicate to one another. Sanemi was probably the one who initiated the conversations and I know this seems unbelievable but don't forget Sanemi has a general openness of 60% while Giyuu has 30% so it's not so far off for Sanemi to try to communicate with him.

Giyuu liked Sanemi, it was probably one of those love-at-first-sight kind of things, but his constant NLOG statements, general aloofness and social ineptitude prevented him from connecting with Sanemi properly. And like I said earlier, Sanemi was still emotionally raw so a lot of Giyuu's actions and mannerisms were probably triggering for him given his background and after many attempts to connect with this guy albeit in his own aggressive way, but he doesn't have the patience to understand Giyuu's words and behavior.

The breakup

Aside from miscommunication, I think the factors that led to their breakup were Giyuu's depression, imposter syndrome and Sanemi's depression and low self-esteem.

Giyuu probably told him one time, "I'm not like you." and refused to elaborate, so Sanemi interpreted that statement as Giyuu looking down on him. He got embarrassed, angry but most of all hurt because of course, he's not dumb he knows how far apart they are when it comes to class. Before becoming a Slayer Giyuu came from a well-to-do family, he's attractive, he's educated, he speaks well and he can write.

So why would someone like Giyuu want to be with an ugly, monstrous, ghetto rat like him? He couldn't tell all this to Giyuu because doing that would require him to be vulnerable and Sanemi would rather die. So he did the thing he always does when he gets hurt, he withdrew. Then proceeded to cover up his pain with anger and his shame with pride.

Giyuu, on the other hand, was oblivious to Sanemi's pain and just assumed that he was just 'hot-tempered'. Around this time, Obanai joined the Hashira and he and Sanemi became fast friends. Finally! Here was someone Sanemi was able to relate to, someone who has the same level of openness, who had similar traumatic experiences, has an equally suicidal desire to kill demons and most importantly someone who doesn't look down on him.

When Obanai encountered Giyuu for the first time probably in his first Hashira meeting, he asked Sanemi about the weird, sad guy who stood way off to the side. Sanemi being comfortable around Obanai tells him about Giyuu, his attitude and their history and Obanai is like 'What an asshole!' and like a true bro starts hating Giyuu in solidarity with Sanemi, much to Giyuu's confusion.

Thus began Sanemi's one-sided antagonistic relationship with Giyuu, but no matter how hard he tried to hate him, deep down Sanemi still cares, and he still wants to connect with Giyuu, but he can't risk being hurt again. Giyuu still views Sanemi as a friend and doesn't realize yet that Sanemi was gone - physically and emotionally.

Then after his first and second encounter with Tanjiro in the first season, I believe that there was a massive but subtle change within him that led him to begin a more active approach in his attempts to connect with Sanemi, and he does so in a really clumsy way that only makes Sanemi even more annoyed.

Giyuu didn't know at the time, but he had an opportunity to get back with Sanemi, and that was when the Master asked the other Hashira to try to make him happy so he would open up.

Shinobu who noticed Giyuu's pining after Sanemi figured that an invitation to eat his favorite food from his favorite person would help Giyuu to open up. Not knowing about Sanemi's beef with Giyuu, she made the request, but that just made him angry as all the emotions he tried to bury came to the surface. Why did he have to reach out? So he can get rejected again? Embarrassed again? Hurt again?

Shinobu being the sneaky manipulator she is used the Master as bait which worked and Sanemi begrudgingly, painfully approached Giyuu and Giyuu in his infinite knowledge replied with a "No" as the start in his response instead of simply telling Sanemi that he was full and that they could go eat later.

Another embarrassing rejection, which made Sanemi snap with an emotion so fierce that he didn't even listen to the rest of the response. All he heard was the cold "No", all he saw was Giyuu's aloof expression, like his Sanemi meant so little to him. Giyuu fucked up, and oblivious as always was left wondering why Sanemi was so angry at him, but his desire to connect with this grumpy man remained unquenched.

So what now?

Well, what follows is a slew of weird interactions between two people who are frustrated with but ultimately drawn to each other.

In the episode where the Hashira were first introduced, Giyuu probably hadn't seen Sanemi in a long time, which was why when he looked when he heard Sanemi's voice.

He also doesn't interfere when Nezuko gets stabbed but when it seems that there might actually be a fight between his love and his son he tries to stop the fight the only way he knows by invoking the Master, which works in distracting Sanemi but not on Tanjiro who is already on a warpath and proceeds to introduce Sanemi to his forehead. Notice that this is the only time aside from his introduction that we see him actually have a visible reaction.

During the indoor meeting, Giyuu sits close to Sanemi like everything is all normal. When Sanemi blames him for the distraction he replies in a friendly tone mocking him like they're friends, because to him Sanemi is just being grumpy. He genuinely doesn't think anything's wrong.

In the next Hashira meeting, he tries the friendly mocking thing again but Sanemi is having none of that. His expression kills me everytime 😂, like mans was ready to scrap.

It reminds me of the 'You have to treat a car like you treat a woman' scene in Ben 10.

Sanemi, the pissed off wife: Go on.

Giyuu, the whipped husband: No, I sense I've made a mistake of some kind.

Obanai being the precious gem that he is, is ready to back his bro up.

Then after Amane left, something changed in Sanemi. In one of my previous posts, I talked about his attempts to reach out to Giyuu by questioning him, but why did he do it? Of all the times, why did he try to confront Giyuu now?

I think it's because of what Amane told them about the Demon slayer marks, about how the mark bearers don't live past 25. Take a look at his expression, he's surprised obviously, but there's something else mixed in.

I figured he knows they're in the endgame now, with the possibility of Muzan coming for Nezuko now that she can conquer the sun. There's no problem this is what he's prepared for, he's always accepted his death as an inevitable outcome but what about Giyuu?

He just realized the unlocking of the marks means that Giyuu would die too. After all this time he still cares and the fact that they could both die without them even trying to mend their relationship scares Sanemi and remember in this post discussing Sanemi's mental health how his impulsive actions are most likely done out of fear, well this is one of them.

Giyuu says the regular NLOG stuff which triggers Sanemi, but instead of running away he confronts him instead. He tries to work past his feelings of inferiority and really listen to Giyuu's words. He tried reaching out in a sort of friendly way with a smile, even if his words came out as aggressive.

Giyuu as usual doesn't elaborate, but Sanemi has had enough, so he literally reaches out for Giyuu, ready to pull his man by the weave if it means that he'll finally get an answer.

Then Gyomei daddy claps, everyone shuts the fuck up, you know the rest. Shoutout to Mitsuri for being the highlight of that scene, she's honestly the best girl 😂.

The first attempt failed, but Sanemi undeterred goes to confront Giyuu again, but this time he tries a different approach. He asks Giyuu to spar with him, maybe he thinks the heightened emotions would cause Giyuu to erupt and reveal his true feelings, maybe he wants to wear Giyuu down so he would be willing to answer Sanemi's question but unfortunately it doesn't work...or so he thinks.

Unknown to Sanemi, this time there was a difference and that was Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤). After the successful Torture the Introvert mission, Giyuu now has a renewed sense of self in a way and he's now willing to make a more active approach towards opening up to people. I already talked about the romantic undertones of his desire to get closer to Sanemi here and here so I wouldn't really get into Giyuu and Tanjiro's conversation after Sanemi left but suffice to say that our Giyuu is a new man. He knows what he wants now and what he wants is Sanemi.

In Conclusion, here's part two.

*Extra stuff

I noticed that even though Giyuu seems emotionless, his hands tell a different story. In Demon slayer, I've noticed that the characters' veins on their faces pop to display strong emotions or reactions. Giyuu doesn't have on his face when they're fighting, unlike Sanemi, but he does have on his hands.

This is the first time (that I know of) that we're seeing this, which tells me that he does feel something. He just doesn't know how to express it.

Also, I'd like to attribute Sanemi's persistence with getting Giyuu to open up to him being the eldest child, we all have the experience of pestering our younger ones until they give in and respond to us. Tanjiro is the same way as well.

Also, Sanemi be treating Tanjiro like an opp when our precious boy is basically his biggest supporter and possibly their future Best Man 😂.

*Disclaimer: I'm not saying it's canon canon, I'm just stating that Ufotable acknowledges this ship, which means that they see something between them too.

[mediocre-shark-tales]

End of the First Season

Masterlist

Trigger Warning- slow burn of increasing themes including sexism, SA, depression, and implied grooming

After the season wrapped up, I finally found a moment of calm. The chaos of F1 had slowed, and I was allowed a little breathing room. But even with the peace, I couldn't shake the constant ache in my body. I thought the bruising I had gotten from the Abu Dhabi crash would eventually subside, but it never did. Every day, it seemed to hurt a little more, so I finally caved and went to the doctor to get checked out.

I wasn’t prepared for the news. It wasn’t just bruising. My ribs had cracked, and so had a bone in my right forearm. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks—no wonder I’d been hurting so much. But, being me, I just shrugged it off. If there was one thing I’d learned over this crazy season, it was how to power through. And if I could make it through that wreck, I could handle a couple cracked bones, right?

I needed to break the news, of course, but I had a little fun with it. I posted on Instagram, sharing all the high points of my 2024 season—my wins, my podiums, the laughs, the frustrations. But as the last picture in the post, I slid in a photo collage of my X-rays. Just for the shock value, of course. 

The response was exactly what I expected. I saw the comments flood in—fans, media, and especially the drivers. They were all so concerned, immediately freaking out about me being in pain, even though I was smiling through it all. Some of the messages I got were hilarious, like Lando calling me crazy for not telling him sooner. “You’re seriously not a robot, right?” he texted me, complete with a couple of eye-roll emojis.

And then there was Max. Max Verstappen. He was texting me every five minutes, demanding I go see another doctor. "You should’ve told me. I would've taken care of it for you." Like he was going to fly out to Monaco just to be my personal healthcare assistant. I almost laughed at how protective he was being, but honestly, it was sweet.

Liam, of course, had the most dramatic reaction. "y/n, what the hell?! Why didn’t you tell me about this?" he practically screamed down the phone. "This could’ve been a big deal! You could’ve been seriously hurt!"

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Liam, calm down. I’m fine. I’ve been dealing with it. It’s just some cracked bones.”

But he wasn’t having it. "That’s not something you ‘just deal with.’ You need to get checked out, properly. I’m seriously getting worried now."

At that point, I had to assure him—no more freaking out. Everyone was so sweet, though. Even Carlos sent a message telling me to take it easy and that he was looking forward to seeing me next season. “Just don’t go crashing again, okay?”

I even caught a text from Fernando, who simply said: “You’re strong, but next time… maybe take it easy?”

The support from all the drivers was overwhelming, but honestly, it was what I needed. The kind words, the check-ins, it made me feel like I had a big family backing me up.

I had also made the decision recently to buy an apartment in Monaco. It wasn’t something I’d planned at first, but Lando convinced me it was the perfect move. He was all about the idea of having me live close by so we could hang out in the off-season when I wasn’t visiting family back in the U.S. Plus, Monaco seemed like the kind of place where I could really start fresh, living on my own but still be surrounded by people who understood the craziness of F1 life. Lando lives just above me, and we joke that I’m now not on "Lando’s level".

It’s been nice, honestly. I can walk around without the chaos of a race weekend looming over me, and sometimes, it feels like a different world entirely. Having drivers around gives me a sense of comfort, knowing I’m never too far from a friend, and I love that Lando is nearby for spontaneous hangouts. He’s been a solid support system, and having him in Monaco means I never really feel alone. It’s just nice, knowing that someone’s always nearby, especially after everything I’ve been through.

Franco and I were sitting in the lounge of my new Monaco apartment, just a couple of glasses of wine between us as we talked about the future. There was this quiet tension in the air—nothing too obvious, but we both knew what it felt like. He was leaning back on the couch, legs stretched out in front of him, eyes focused on the half-empty glass in his hand, but I could tell he wasn’t really looking at it.

He sighed, finally breaking the silence. “I don’t know what’s next for me, to be honest. Alpine offered me a reserve driver contract with them, but it's basically the same thing I have at Williams. The only real difference is that they are telling me they will take Jack out of his seat if he doesn’t do well. So I get paid more and have a more likely chance at racing again with them or I get loyalty points and probably never seat the steering wheel for another season with Williams.” His voice carried this layer of frustration I hadn’t heard from him before. He ran a hand through his hair, and I could see the weight of it all on him. He wasn’t the kind to complain, but I knew how badly he wanted that full-time seat. I could tell by how hard he fought to stay on the grid this season.

“Don’t let them make you feel like you have to settle,” I said softly, my words maybe a little more sincere than I meant them to be. He was one of the most talented drivers I knew, and he deserved to have a seat that would recognize that.

He let out a bitter laugh. “It’s not like I have much of a choice, is it? The grid’s stacked, and Alpine knows I’ll have to take what I can get. But I don’t know… maybe it’s not where I want to be.”

There was a pause between us, and I watched him carefully, sensing that this was more than just a conversation about racing for him. It felt like the moment he was letting himself be real, vulnerable in a way he rarely showed.

“Franco,” I started, but the words faltered in my mouth. I didn’t know how to make him feel better, not when I knew what was next for me. He had been my rock in so many ways this season, and now it was my turn to be there for him. But it felt like something more was hanging in the air, something unsaid.

He met my eyes, and for a moment, there was this quiet, unspoken connection. “I don’t want to leave, you know?” he whispered, almost as if he were saying it to himself more than to me. “But I don’t know if I have another option.”

I didn’t know what to say, so instead, I just leaned over and put a hand on his arm, my fingers gently brushing his sleeve. It wasn’t anything dramatic, just a small gesture, but it felt like the right thing to do. We stayed like that for a while, just sitting in silence, letting the quiet of the room fill in the gaps of our thoughts. When finally a thought came to me, “You know, I was in the same predicament before becoming Aston Martin’s Reserve driver?” 

He shook his head, not making eye contact yet. “Before Aston Martin I was driving only as a test driver for Redbull, no chance at racing only at being available when their own drivers reserve or not couldn’t be there. Then Aston Martin came to me with a contract, be their reserve driver. A team with a literal multi world champion driver and a driver who was the owner of the team’s son. So basically, my only chance at driving was someone getting sick or hurt. Or I could stay with my red bull contract and earn loyalty points but probably still never see the steering wheel during a real race.” I looked at him, seeing his expression change. “It was a tough decision but I listed out the pros and cons of each. In the end, Aston Martin gave me the most potential to grow into the F1 world.”

Then, he looked at me, and there was this flicker in his eyes, something I hadn’t seen before. Something that felt real, honest. And I knew in that moment that we were both feeling it—that subtle pull between us. But neither of us said anything about it. Instead, we just let it linger, both of us too scared to do anything about it. “So what I think you need to do is think about what would help you grow or just what you want to do for your future? Is your future still F1 with Williams? Or do you want to explore other options to see what happens?”

His expression changed to one almost deep in thought. I pulled my hand back, giving him a small smile. “You’ll figure it out. You always do,” I said, trying to lighten the mood, even though my heart was beating a little faster than usual.

He smiled back, a little half-hearted, but genuine. “Thanks. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Y/N.”

“Same here,” I replied, my voice softer than I meant it to be. And for a moment, it felt like we were more than just teammates, more than just friends. But neither of us made a move. We just stayed there, pretending it was enough to be in each other’s company, not acknowledging the unspoken feelings simmering beneath the surface.

The moment passed, and we both knew it. But neither of us could shake the feeling that things had changed, even if just a little.

Post-season testing was in full swing, and I found myself behind the wheel of a Red Bull. Well, technically, it was a VCARB test, but they had thrown me and Yuki into the main team’s car—basically the 2024 title-winning machine before it would be slightly modified for our ‘junior’ team.

The car felt incredible. The downforce, the grip, the way it responded to even the slightest inputs—I had driven a strong car before, but this? This was on another level. It was a taste of what could be possible with the right setup, and I couldn’t help but grin every time I pushed it through a turn.

“Oi, don’t get too comfortable in that seat,” Yuki’s voice came through the radio as we wrapped up a practice run. “You still have to share it next year.”

I laughed, pulling into the pits and hopping out, only to be immediately greeted by VCARB’s social media team. I had already been warned that their content crew was… a little too good at capturing moments. The internet had already fallen in love with the way Yuki and I had been interacting over the past few weeks, posting clips of our playful bickering, him teaching me random Japanese phrases, or me teasing him about his food choices.

Case in point—before I even had my helmet off, Yuki was standing beside me, pointing at my water bottle with an accusing glare. “You forgot to drink again, we never saw the water button activate”

I groaned. “I was driving.”

He snatched the bottle out of the table and unscrewed the lid. “Drink. Now.”

“Bossy,” I muttered, taking a sip just to get him off my back.

Of course, VCARB’s media team caught the whole thing, and I had no doubt it would be on their Instagram story in minutes.

Later that evening, while cooling down after the day’s sessions, I found myself sketching out ideas for my new helmet. My current design had meant so much to me, but with a new chapter starting, I felt like I needed something fresh. Something that still honored my journey but signified a step forward.

I sat in the VCARB lounge, my sketchbook open in front of me, absentmindedly doodling designs. Maybe something sleeker, sharper—still keeping the essence of my previous helmets, but with a modern touch. I knew I wanted to incorporate the sea turtle shadow again, but this time, maybe in a way that intertwined with something symbolic for myself.

Yuki plopped down beside me, peering over my shoulder. “You’re making it blue, right?”

I rolled my eyes. “Just because I drive for VCARB now doesn’t mean my entire identity is changing.”

He grinned. “Fine, fine. But if you don’t put at least a little VCARB energy into it, I’ll be offended.”

I smirked. “I’ll think about it.”

Truthfully, this whole transition was already feeling better than I had expected. The team was welcoming, the car felt strong, and Yuki had quickly become an easy person to be around. For the first time in a while, I felt like I had something solid to look forward to with my future in this sport.

Now, I just had to survive another season of teasing from Yuki and VCARB’s relentless social media team.

Netflix: Drive to Survive – Post-Season Interview

The cameras were rolling, the dim lighting of the Drive to Survive interview room setting the scene. I sat in the chair, legs crossed, hands fidgeting slightly in my lap as the producers got everything settled. It felt weird, really. Looking back on the season as if it was just a chapter in a book rather than something I had physically, emotionally, and mentally endured.

The interviewer gave me a reassuring smile before jumping straight into it.

“This was your rookie season—or, well, partial rookie season. And it wasn’t exactly an easy one. How do you even begin to reflect on everything that happened?”

I let out a breathy laugh, shaking my head. “Honestly? I don’t even know where to start. It was the highest of highs, the lowest of lows. I don’t think I ever imagined just how much this season would take out of me—physically, mentally. I came into it with so much to prove, knowing that I wasn’t even guaranteed a seat for next year. Then the Vegas crash happened, and suddenly everything shifted. I had to rebuild myself from the ground up—again.”

“You mentioned the Vegas crash—arguably one of the scariest moments of the season. How much did that affect you going forward?”

I swallowed, running my tongue along the inside of my cheek. “It’s weird because at the time, I was just focused on getting back in the car. I didn’t want to sit out, I didn’t want to give people a reason to doubt me. But looking back? I should’ve given myself more time. I was hiding injuries, pushing through pain I didn’t even fully understand. It wasn’t until after Abu Dhabi, when I finally went to a doctor, that I realized I had been racing with cracked ribs and a fractured forearm. That… that hit me hard. Not just because I knew I had been reckless with my own health, but because it made me realize just how much I feared losing my place here.”

“And now, even after proving yourself with a few Grand Prix wins, multiple podiums, and signing with Cadillac, you’re still facing uncertainty. How does that feel?”

I sighed, leaning back in my chair. “Yeah… it’s tough. I signed with Cadillac for 2026, which is exciting, but next year? I’m on loan with VCARB. It’s a temporary situation. There’s no telling how things will go, how I’ll fit into the team, how the car will perform. And then after that, I’m moving to a completely new team, a completely new project, which—don’t get me wrong—is an incredible opportunity, but also terrifying. I won’t have the stability that some of these other drivers have. I don’t get to settle in and build a team around me. I have to constantly prove myself, adapt, and just hope that everything works out.”

“Do you think about that often? The uncertainty of it all?”

I huffed out a laugh. “Every damn day. But that’s the sport, isn’t it? You never really know where you stand until half through the season. I just have to trust that I’m here for a reason.”

“You had a lot of support from fellow drivers this season, some of them clearly becoming very close to you. How much did that mean, especially in a year as chaotic as this one?”

I smiled at that, shaking my head slightly. “I don’t think I would’ve survived this season without them. Lando, Max, Lewis, Carlos, Franco—they all helped me in different ways. Max was like this overprotective older brother, always making sure I wasn’t pushing myself too hard, which—ironic, considering it’s Max Verstappen we’re talking about.” I laughed. “Lewis was there in a more subtle way, just letting me talk through things when I needed to. Carlos and Lando, well… they made sure I never took myself too seriously. And Franco… Franco understood in a way no one else could.”

“Speaking of Franco, He’s not on the grid next year, but you are. What is that like?”

I exhaled softly. “It is hard. Franco deserved a seat just as much as anyone else. He knows that. We have had a moment together where we both acknowledged that, no matter what happens, we’ll always support each other. But it’s bittersweet. I’m moving forward, but I don’t get to have him there with me next season. It’s just another reminder of how brutal this sport is.”

“Despite all of that, you still seem… excited.”

I let a small smirk tug at my lips. “I mean, yeah. It’s terrifying, but it’s also incredible. I get to drive a Formula 1 car for another season. I get to be part of the chaos. And, hey, if nothing else—at least Yuki and I are going to make VCARB’s social media team’s lives very entertaining next year.”

The interviewer chuckled. “That’s for sure. Final question—if you could say one thing to the version of yourself that started this season, what would it be?”

I sat with that for a moment, thinking. Then, with a slow, deep breath, I met the interviewer’s gaze.

“I’d tell her she should allow herself to lean on her friends more, to allow her grid family to help her when situations go downhill. But even when they get terrifyingly bad, she’s gonna get through it, after all, mama didn’t raise no bitch” I smiled mischeviously knowing that was the last question and while I had done well the entire time not swearing, the last word would have to be beeped for tv.

Pre-Season testing

My first partial season had long ended. The whirlwind of emotions, the battles on and off track, the celebrations, the heartbreaks—it had all been wrapped up into one chaotic, unforgettable year. And yet, as I stood there now, staring at the package in front of me, I realized it was only the beginning.

The VCARB garage was quieter than I had ever heard it. No roaring engines, no frantic radio chatter, just the distant hum of mechanics working in the background as the pre-season test wound down. Yuki had already disappeared somewhere—probably off to grab snacks or cause some minor chaos—and the crew had mostly filtered out, leaving just a handful of us behind.

I ran my fingers along the edge of the box, my name printed in bold letters on the lid. This was it. A new chapter. A new beginning. A new identity.

I glanced up at the lead designer, who gave me a small nod, encouraging me to lift the lid.

My heart pounded as I peeled back the protective wrap, the first glimpse of my brand-new helmet catching the dim garage light. I inhaled sharply, my fingers brushing over the surface, tracing the details I had agonized over for weeks. This wasn’t just a helmet. It was a statement. A promise.

A warning.

Something is coming.

I smiled to myself, feeling that familiar rush of adrenaline, that unwavering hunger for what came next.

The season was over.

But the story was far from finished.

[poppadom0912]

Hii! 🙋🏻‍♀️

I saw that you are accepting requests, can I request an imagine with Jay Halstead where he and the reader (a surgeon) don't get along very well and, as fate would have it, they both live in the same building. One night the reader discovers that there is a camera hidden in the lampshade that she got from a strange guy, so the guy threatens her and Jay protects her. 😅❤️

Sorry for my English.

Warnings: Stalking/pedo men, brief hospitals, small injuries, and swearing.

A/N: Now that my series is done, I can finally get to completing and putting out all these requests. I wrote this in school. And do not apologise for your English, it was perfect.

Life is stressful right now so I lowkey got carried away writing this because it's somehow nearly 3k words but please do enjoy this!!

You weren’t too sure when it all actually started but it was too late to reverse time now.

Growing up, there was no way to avoid the Halstead brothers because all the way throughout your childhood up until the age of eighteen, you all went to school together and outside, your mothers were near inseparable. You could never catch a break.

What made matters even more confusing was that you didn’t mind Will, on fact, the two of you were quite good friends. You tolerated Will and with both your combined loves for medicine, an inevitable friendship bloomed but even with this, you and Jay just could not get along.

The only time you ever found solace was when the two of you finally parted ways after high school. You remained in Chicago to become a doctor and later surgeon while Jay, he spontaneously decided to enrol to become an army ranger. Your shock could not be hidden.

With both brothers out your life, days were so much more simple. From time to time, you wouldn’t say it aloud but you missed Wil’s company but Jay, his absence almost made it as though he never existed in the first place. And yes, maybe that was a bit cruel but the genuine hatred you had at the mere thought of him or the sight of his face, it made you want to hurl.

And the rest was history. Even with the more recent parts being a bit more pleasant yet depressive, your pure hatred for him didn’t seem to wane.

*****

Fast forward a few years and this is how it all is: your father remained ever so absent, both mothers passed away several years ago, Pat died last year, you and Will worked together and you and Jay weren’t exactly civil.

Living in the same building, on the exact same floor and literal doors apart could only do so much damage.

Today had been a very, very long day. You had just been on shift for a double that had run over because of the complicated surgery that almost went sideways last minute. You were practically dead on your feet. You loved trauma surgery as much as the next trauma surgeon but you could go without blood and scalpels for the next few hours because sleep was calling your name like a siren song.

Upon Connor’s insistence, he drove you home because he expressed his fear of you sleeping on the train and never getting off.

Finally in your apartment building, you dragged your feet to your door, your keys almost missing the hole due to your sudden misalignment. Your mind was nearing haziness but with one final push, you were inside and collapsed on your bed.

Sleep was instant. It was expected but you also weren’t surprised when you knocked out and woke up randomly at two in the morning. You felt semi-rejuvenated but you could definitely sleep for longer.

Drowsily, you stripped out of your clothes, chucking them towards the basket before walking into the bathroom. Doing what you needed to do, you returned and searched for comfortable pyjamas that were good enough for this heat.

Standing half naked in your own bedroom in the apartment that you rented alone was a completely normal thing to do. Never in your life did you need to be paranoid or extra careful. You were in the comfort of your own home, so why was there the need to be riddled with anxiety.

Well, apparently you should’ve because as you pulled you cotton shorts on, rummaging through your draw for an oversized shirt, you caught a miniscule red dot. You were so tired you contemplated if it was a hallucination but a few minutes later, remaining in the same position, the nano dot was still there.

Diverting your attention to the suspicious dot, you threw on a random shirt but somehow, during the milliseconds your head spent under the shirt before it reappeared, the red dot disappeared.

Now you were on edge. Sleep didn’t come as easy this time.

In the morning, everything looked the same. Going around, you tried to look for anything that could’ve been tampered with but alas, everything was in tip top condition. Maybe you really were so out of that that you were delusional, it all really could’ve been a hallucination.

You had a few more hours before you needed to go back to work and considering the state of your empty fridge, grocery shopping seemed like a promising idea.

Your sweetening mood however quickly turned sour at the familiar sight of a certain detective standing down the hallway, walking in the same direction as you towards the buildings only elevator.

Sighing in disappointment, you readjusted the tote bag on your shoulders and walked ahead anyway. There was no way you were letting this man ruin your mood.

Being stuck in the elevator though, it did ruin your mood a little.

For once in your entire life though, Jay didn’t rile you up. He didn’t say anything nor did he even attempt to roll his eyes when he saw you. It was weird, he barely even acknowledged you.

And you hated to admit it, but you didn’t like it. As much as you despised the man, Jay acting as if you were a ghost was something that irked you. But obviously, you were never going to tell him that, it’d only boost his already enormous ego.

*****

“You look like a rat.”

“Ha ha, you’re so funny.”

You took it all back. Everything you said two days ago, you were taking it all back. Jay could rot and burn in hell and you still wouldn’t care.

Over the course of twelve hours, something must’ve changed because Jay’s renewed vigour was back and it was here to stay. You didn’t relish his silence long enough because the second he opened his mouth, your headache returned.

Next time, you were dragging Will and forcing him to escort you up to your apartment door because at least then he’d save you, he’d make this all much more bearable.

The sudden change in weather suited your mood, the rain mimicking your emotions that Jay was only half responsible for. The other half was a result of your newly achieved paranoia and anxiety that made itself known whenever you came home.

No matter where you searched or how many hours you slept, the red dot came and then disappeared again. It was annoying and it came to the point that you tried avoiding you bedroom especially as much as possible. To not be comfortable and safe in your own home wasn’t right.

Rolling your eyes, you fished your keys out of your bag and ignored whatever Jay was saying. You’d known him for so long that blocking out his voice had become second nature, it was something you did subconsciously.

You wished his apartment was before yours, that way at least you could have some peace but life worked in funny ways.

Stopping in front of your door, you were just about to unlock it when your body froze.

“What’s wrong?”

The sudden change in your mood caught him off guard, your frozen body worrying him slightly. He might’ve shared your feelings of hostility but you were his older brothers best friend, which had to count for something.

Following your line of sight, Jay’s eyes hardened at the unlocked door, a slither of light leaking out from inside as the door sat ajar. You definitely locked it this morning, there was no doubt about it.

Maybe you had the right to be paranoid. Perhaps you should’ve acted on it sooner.

Not wasting another second, Jay pushed you behind him and drew his gun. With his shoe, he gently nudged the door open and began surveying the apartment bit by bit with practised precision.

You hadn’t seen the man in action for a while now, it was weird to see him so proper and serious.

With nothing out of place and all valuable belongings safe and sound, Jay deduced that for now, things should be fine but if need be, if anything was out of the ordinary, he was the first person you called.

And for the first time ever in over thirty years, you made Jay a promise.

*****

You kept to your promise. This was a matter you weren’t going to mess around with, even if it was with Jay.

You had just come out of the shower, hair dripping wet, shorts and an oversized shirt on because despite the rain it was still humid and the summer heat wasn’t going away anytime soon.

Stepping into the dark room, you started patting your hair dry with a towel and walked towards the lamp so there was at least some lighting. A dimly lit room made you feel less paranoid.

It was upon turning the lamp on though did your anxiety peak. This new height it reached making it hard for you to breathe all of a sudden.

Without even thinking of the consequences, Jay’s number was the first thing you found on your phone, his contact name pressed within seconds of your discovery.

Heart pounding out of your chest, you forced yourself to move at the sound of the door. This fear was almost paralysing, you didn’t even know what to make of all of it.

“What happened?” Jay’s concern was immediate. All you did was call him and he came over without question. Your call alone told him enough.

You stared at him wide eyed, words lodged at the back of your throat but they wouldn’t go any further than that. Remaining wordless, you simply grabbed his wrist and dragged him towards your room and he followed obediently.

Your bedroom was now back to pitch black; you turned the lamp off straight away because the pyjamas you wore left little for imagination. That trail of thought made you want to be sick.

Jay stood beside you; your hand still wrapped around his wrist tightly while your other still held the wet hair towel that you probably should put away. He surveyed the dark room, taking it all in and trying to poke out anything out of the ordinary.

It was only when you tugged on his wrist, his head turning down to you before following your line of sight and pointed finger towards your innocent looking lamp that idly sat on your bedside table.

But it turned out to be not so innocent after all. Jay immediately saw the red dot no matter its small size, he saw it straight away and alarm bells went off.

Gently prying your fingers off his wrist, Jay holstered his gun and strode towards the lamp, tilting the lamp shade as he fiddled with something underneath. It didn’t take long before he stood up to his full height with a small black square in his palm.

This all-escalated way too fast for your liking.

*****

Jay refused to let you see anything from what he told you was a camera; he wouldn’t let you see it even for a price but he did briefly talk about what he saw in very little detail. What he told you was more than enough to make you want to bleach your body in a bath and move out of state to a place no one would know you.

Jay also wasn’t one hundred percent confident in letting you return back to your apartment alone. That’s how you found yourself wrapped in a blanket sitting cross-legged on his sofa, hiding yourself and your body from the world. Even with your shirt and shorts on, you felt liked dying at the thought of a man staring you down with intentions all but pure.

Gosh, you wanted to be sick.

Slowly sipping some water from a cup Jay silently handed you, you tried relaxing, rotating your shoulders to try release any of the tension but you failed. Fidgeting with anything was the only way you were able to not focus on the conversation Jay was having on the phone in the next room over. He was probably most likely talking to someone else from Intelligence.

The rest of the night, well more very early morning really, Jay explained the plan about how Intelligence were going to go about this but it would all happen in the morning at an actual suitable time.

With much bickering, Jay forced you into his bed as he took the sofa. It was weird that this was the most civil and even most nicest interaction the two of you ever had in either of your lifetimes. You wouldn’t tell him this unless under a life-or-death situation, but you kind’ve liked it. When Jay wasn’t being such a bastard, he was actually kind of decent.

Goodness, thinking about him was not something you would’ve ever thought of doing before yet here you were, thinking about your childhood nemesis at work.

The morning was relatively fine sprinkled with bits of awkwardness. Jay forcefully drove you to work when you insisted on going in today despite his attempts of getting you to stay home. If you tried and told Ms Goodwin the truth, she was very likely to give you the day off. Your stubbornness didn’t wane though.

You shift was normal, going from boring and mundane to fast paced just how you liked it. Nothing changed and it was relieving to be surrounded by familiarity and some sort of routine, it was a big distraction from the mess waiting for you at home. You tried keeping yourself occupied at every moment because any second you got alone with your deprecating thoughts, you were for sure going to spiral to a dark place.

And you’d been doing a great job at keeping busy till a certain detective walked in through the ED doors.

From the corner of your eyes, nothing about him looked off but when you squinted and walked towards him, you could make out a bloody gash poking out from his ripped jacket sleeve.

Now, Jay being hurt at work was nothing new. In fact, it was to be expected and you’d never been too bothered by it unlike Will was whenever his injured brother walked in so casually like it was another normal Wednesday.

However, you knew what he was doing at work today and your concerns peaked to such a height that Will had no reason to be worried anymore; you took it all from him.

“What happened?” You tried to remain somewhat calm, schooling your face as you dragged his non-injured arm towards an empty treatment room. Internally, you were glad Will was in surgery otherwise he’d be smirking and laughing like a manic at the sight he was seeing, a sight he’d never even envision in his dreams.

“We found the guy.” Jay ignored your question, begrudgingly sitting down on the bed, rolling his eyes when you wouldn’t let him get up. “We arrested him. Platt’s booking him as we speak.”

And just like that, all the weights pushing you down under the ground dissipated and you were beyond relieved.

You hands faltered as they went to grab some gauze, your eyes looking up to see whether or not he was lying but the soft smile spread across his lips, you didn’t need to question his credibility.

Without thinking, your arms wrapped around his shoulders and interlocked around his neck. Instinctively, you squeezed him a little, eyes shut as you relished in the good news. For a while, the world around you didn’t exist before it all came rushing back.

Suddenly, you abruptly pulled back, eyes wide in shock as your actions sunk in. Pressing your lips together tightly, you avoided eye contact and went back to preparing the gauze and butterfly strips, maybe even some wipes to see the real extent of the damage your stalker inflicted onto Jay.

Jay huffed in amusement and you could feel his eyes burning into the side of your head. All of a sudden, you felt the need to smother his god forsaken handsome face-

What the fuck? There was no way you just thought that.

“He looks worse than me, don’t worry.” Jay started again, a smug smirk on his face as he spoke, his eyes not moving from your face. “He was being a bit of a dick so I roughed him up a little. This little nick is nothing.”

And for once, you didn’t doubt the truth behind his words. You fondly rolled your eyes before going to clean his bicep that was no longer covered by his jacket.

“My saviour.” You smiled placatingly, making brief eye contact before breaking it. “What would I have done without you.”

And for once again, there was no sarcasm dripping from your words. Behind them lay mostly the truth and maybe a hint of your typically sarcasm but without his help, who knows what would’ve happened.

“All in a days work.” Jay’s face didn’t change, his expression not moving a single bit. For a reason beyond your medical and surgical knowledge, you blushed, cheeks randomly feeling flushed.

Maybe now with childhood rivalry forgotten and shoved aside, things between the two of you could get better.

[psychemochanight]

More HC because I forgot many :D

Part 1 :D

Again, a little disclaimer:

These are just my favorite HCs, whether made by me or by the fandom, if you don't like any of them, that's completely respectable and you obviously don't have to agree with all or any of them. If you don't like them, just ignore them please, it's not worth arguing over HC about a fictional character.

That said, here are more HC (not all of them yet, but yeah, I'll add them as I remember them):

Dick is the kind of person who is always smiling, even when there is danger. If he's not smiling and cracking jokes, he's completely serious. No one has any problem admitting that they don't want to see that Dick, because he's scary.

Dick hates hospitals, and he hates being sedated even more, even in the batcave.

Years being kidnapped, yep.

His first instinct after waking up and analyzing his situation with his senses without giving any signs of waking up, is to run immediately. If they can avoid it, they never sedate him completely, the times he jumped up from the stretcher without taking into account his injuries were enough to know better.

He sits in the weirdest positions ever.

If he pays more than five minutes of attention to his hair, it's actually wavy, almost curly, if he doesn't, it's almost straight.

He grows his hair long when he is depressed and doesn't feel like taking care of it.

He rarely gives any other signs of being depressed now, so almost no one notices it these days.

He associates aromas with different people.

Sometimes, because of the perfumes worn by his family and friends, he knows that they have been in his apartment.

Yes, he sometimes lives on cereal, but it's definitely not the only thing he knows how to prepare, he just is so tired to cook.

Canonically, in several runs cereal is, in fact, his favorite food, so- besides having a sweet tooth, it helps him stay active (sugar rush 24/7).

He canonically prefers simple, comforting foods, so, another trait of his undiagnosed AUDHD :D

Alfred and Bruce say that Dick has a child's palate, he insists that the problem is not the taste, but the texture... It doesn't help his case.

Obviously he eats healthy food, but it always has to be something simple, he finds very elaborate dishes difficult to eat.

He had a pretty hard time at galas with the fancy food the first few times, until Bruce noticed that Dick wasn't eating and started including simpler dishes on the menu.

This is also why people sometimes think he doesn't know how to cook, because he only makes simple dishes, but it's not because he doesn't know how, it's because it's the only kind of food he likes.

In fact, despite preferring sweet over salty, or even his taste for junk food, Dick is very conscious of what he eats, and always has his head counting protein, calories, sugars and other nutritional values; this way, he keeps his diet stable even if he allows himself these "whims"... when he remembers to eat.

He actually likes stuffed animals, he just doesn't have any. (DC, what are you waiting for to give this man his stuffed elephant?)

Dick is an ambivert.

I would even say that he is more introverted. Not the incorrect definition of people, who confuse introversion with being reserved, shy or not liking to socialize. but the one who needs his time alone to recharge his energy. .

When Dick met Superman, it was despite Batman's "no meta-humans" rule, and his argument when Batman was going to scold him was "he's not a meta-human, he's an alien."

Bruce had to concede the point to the kid for the loophole, and update his rule.

This depends on the run to be canon or not, but I prefer to think that Dick never actually went to school before Bruce, and it was exclusively his charisma that helped him blend in with the other children, as if he had always attended educational institutions.

Although Bruce knew Dick was intelligent, even he was surprised that he was so able to not only catch up, but excel in the educational field, considering he never attended school. More than because of Robin, it was one of his teachers the first one to call him Golden Boy, since he considered him a prodigy.

At Gotham Academy you had to take at least one language class to graduate, and it couldn't be one you already knew, but Dick already knew all the ones in the program, so he had to pretend to learn french.

One of my favorite HCs in the fandom is Dick helping out with the Watchtower's computer system, especially considering it could very well be canon (if only today's writers wouldn't forget that Dick is also an amazing hacker and not just a social skills specialist 🙄).

This mentioned, my personal HC to justify all the things that the writers leave out of the character that were once regular in him (and that now belong to his siblings), is that he himself stops making an effort in these things. When he was Robin, he was alone with Batman, so he had the obligation to not only be on par, but to fill all the spaces that Batman left, so he specialized in everything. Now that he has a full team, he no longer has the obligation to cover everything himself, so he allows himself to just continue filling the remaining spaces, mostly related to the social part (when he's not working alone, of course).

This does not mean that he no longer continues to instruct himself in those skills that his siblings have, he does, he is always learning, but he no longer has the need to demonstrate it in any way, so he just lets people even think that he is incompetent in those areas, even if it is the opposite (it helps a lot when you are underestimated on the field after all).

He invented a few insults during his time as Robin, which somehow became a real vocabulary when other heroes and later civilians started using them.

His puppy eyes are too powerful, even as an adult.

Although everyone jokes that he is old because of all his years of experience in the hero thing, Dick actually looks so young.

On a good or bad day (depending on who you ask), it even happens that people ask for his ID to confirm that he is of legal age (usually for drinking). He never knows whether to feel flattered or offended.

I decided to pretend the suit wasn't a bare-legged leotard, mostly because I like to think that the suit was actually his acrobat suit, just with the red vest on top, and since they always draw the suit with the legs part... U know.

It also depends, considering the current continuity, Dick was now born in more modern times, and the tights now usually have covered legs; but if we still place it in the 40s, then it makes more sense that the suit is like the original.

For comfort, I'll pretend that his legs aren't totally bare, also I'll pretend that he has some protection and isn't just walking around with exposed skin to get hurt, even if hitting him with a bullet must be damn difficult because he jumps as a flea.

Toe point and tiptoes, like, A LOT.

He starts babbling random facts about history or math formulas at the most random moments.

He's the kind of person who always knows the answers to people's questions about facts he doesn't really need to know.

"I wonder where the word "'macaroni' originated from"... And he just starts telling you the whole story.

(My father is like that, and I always wonder where he learned all that, my God).

He likes action series. He also likes police and mystery series, but it's a pain to watch this kind of series with him because he keeps guessing the ending and always gets it right.

He also loves black and white movies.

He likes classic rock and jazz music, but has no problem listening to other genres. He also likes pop music, although more bc he likes to annoy his brothers with it.

He is a bit obsessive compulsive, not all the time, and he doesn't have the disorder as such; but sometimes he really needs to be in control of things and follow routines (part of his AUDHD and PTSD speaking for him).

As I said before, I don't think Dick has anger issues, he's just overstimulated, but this doesn't mean he doesn't feel angry or frustrated on many occasions.

When this happens, he has two main ways to let go of his anger... The healthy way is to exercise, train or simply unload his mind while his body is in motion, he also tends to meditate on occasion.

Sometimes it's not so healthy, as he actually lets himself get hurt while training.

The unhealthy way, is to go beat up the thugs.

Sometimes he doesn't let his anger out voluntarily, and ends up exploding against those who don't deserve it. When this happens, it is almost always in verbal form.

Dick doesn't insult directly, but with the eloquence he has, he doesn't need insults to seriously hurt someone.

He can't say that he has never self-harmed, but he doesn't do it in the form of cutting himself, but rather by letting himself get hit or failing to stop particularly painful falls.

Actually, even though he doesn't have the highest self-esteem, he doesn't really have an identity crisis. It doesn't matter that he's a good actor, he never doubts who he is. He doesn't really invent personas in front of anyone, he just shows facets of his personality as appropriate (the only moments where he acts like someone he is not, there is always something of his person even in those roles).

During a certain infamous arc the identity crisis was a little more real, but he recovered from it.

Although he is an acrobat first, he still knows a lot about gymnastics, both men's and also women's actually. More for fun than for training.

Even if he miraculously has free time, instead of resting, he is probably practicing something new.

His friends swear that Dick only stays still when he's dissociating.

And that's all (for now) ✨

I've repeated some of them on purpose to make the explanation more explicit- but I hope most of them still make sense.

[theambitiouswoman]

how do you deal with shame? bc i suffered with severe depression and im just getting my own apartment at 30 years old. i still have no degree, the job i go to in ashamed everyday even though it pays my bills and take care of my kids because i see everyone who i went to high school with graduated and some got their masters. im ashamed of what i been through and ashamed of where im in at my life and im carrying deep deep depression and shame because i feel like im not enough and embarrassed of where im at because i know i could’ve did more with my life.

I really want to answer this because I also remember feeling behind at one point and I definitely remember my friends comparing themselves to me because we didn’t make the same life decisions.

Just want to warn you I’m going to give you some compassion combined with a little tough love.

I’m really, REALLY sorry you’re feeling this way. No matter how different your life looks to others, it’s your life. It’s easy to compare yourself to people who seem to have it all figured out, but their paths aren’t yours. Just because you are seeing someone during the good times in their lives, doesn’t mean it will always be that way or that it won’t be for you when the time is right.

I remember feeling so much judgment because all my friends were married, had serious boyfriends, or kids. Back then, I’d leave our dinners in tears, feeling like a failure. Looking back now, the pressure I felt seems almost comical, but it was painful at the time. For context, I’ve been engaged more than once, yet I wasn’t ready to settle. Now, many of those women are divorced and starting over, often without financial independence, while I’m at a high point in my life and considering settling down on my own terms.

The lesson here is that life isn’t a race or a checklist. It’s not linear, and it doesn’t have to follow a timeline. Some people hit their stride at 20, others at 30, 40, or beyond—and that’s okay. Life is meant to be experienced, not rushed. The lessons we learn along the way shape us. Society’s timelines and standards are just that—standards. You don’t have to follow them to live a fulfilling, meaningful life.

Depression is incredibly hard to deal with, and it’s not something I take lightly. But since you’re committed to working on yourself, it’s so important to remind yourself to keep pushing forward. That said, I think you’re being way too hard on yourself right now. Who wouldn’t feel overwhelmed? But let’s take a step back—you have your own apartment for the first time, which is incredible! You have a job that allows you to provide for your kids, putting food on the table and showing up as a parent who loves them deeply. How lucky are they to have you?

From my perspective, you’re incredibly strong. You’ve faced depression and still found the courage to keep building yourself up. That’s no small feat. Don’t let negative thoughts get in your way—practice reframing them. Instead of focusing on what you feel is lacking, focus on how far you’ve come and the amazing things you’re doing right now. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.

You may not like where your life is now, but you have to realize that it is under your control. If you want to change your life now, today, you can. Your life will start to change when you yourself commit to change. And that starts with your thoughts. Work on your perspective. Don’t beat yourself up for what could have happened or didn’t happen because you’re wasting even more time for absolutely nothing. You feel like you’ve wasted years, why would you want to continue wasting any more?

Shame often stems from the story we tell ourselves, so try to shift that narrative. You wouldn’t shame your friends for struggling; you’d remind them of their resilience. Focus on small wins— change your perspective. Start focusing on showing gratitude for the things you do have and what you’ve overcome. Gratitude for everything and anything. Gratitude attracts miracles and abundance. I know this sounds dumb or unrealistic, but it’s true. Besides, it doesn’t hurt to try.

I’m very proud of you and you can do so much more, anything you want if you just had a little bit of faith in yourself. Your worth isn’t defined by what you’ve been through or what you’ve accomplished. It’s defined by the fact that you’re here, trying and pushing forward. That alone makes you more than enough.

[yelenasdiary]

Can I request a familial kate bishop request please where r is her adopted sibling but they struggle with abandonment issues and kate is a supportive sister?

You're My Sister

Pairing: Kate Bishop x Sister! Reader

Summary: When your older sister senses something is wrong, she wants you to know she will always be there for you. 

Comfort

Warnings: Abandonment Issues, Talks of Adoption, Mentions of Depression | 0.9K

AC: Thank you for sending this, I thought it was a great idea! I hope you enjoy! x

Kate had been watching your behavior for the last few weeks, we wondered if maybe somebody at college was giving you a hard time or that maybe it was herself that might have upset you. Anytime she tried to talk to you, all she got was short and sweet answers. You had slowly begun to lock yourself away in your bedroom which only worried your sister even more. 

Dinner tonight was the usual, small talk over a cooked meal with your sister and mother but even the fake smile you had put on didn't convince Kate that you were actually in a better headspace. So, after dinner and when your mother went out for drinks with a friend, Kate made it her little mission to get you to talk. 

You heard a soft knock at your door, you stopped typing your essay on your laptop and unlocked the door. "Can I come in?" Kate asked with a soft smile. You nodded lightly, giving her another fake smile. 

"How's your studying coming along?" Kate asked as she took a seat at the end of your bed while you returned to the seat at your desk. "It's a lot, but I've almost caught up on my assessments" you replied. 

"Anything else new in your life?" She asked, making you question why she was really here to talk to you. 

"Kate, please don't start" your eyes dropped, "If you have something you want to talk about, just do it, save me the stresses" you added. 

"Stresses? What are you talking about?" Kate frowned with concern, "I'm just worried about you sis, you haven't really been yourself lately" she added. You couldn't believe that somebody had actually noticed how unhappy you had become, things in your life were changing. Kate had her little apartment; your mother was barely home anymore, and you had just found out that Kate was going to join the new Avengers team. Where does that leave you? Alone in this big house while you continued to try and do your mother proud at college. 

"Why do you care? You're going to be around less soon anyways" you replied and suddenly it made sense to Kate why you had become so distant. The Bishops had adopted you when you were barely 10 years old and ever since, you've had a hard time trying to cope with the abandonment issues that your birth parents had given you. 

"I'm not going anywhere, you know that, right?" Kate tried to assure you, but it didn't work. 

"Mom is barely home, ever since she met Jack. You're in and out all the time and now you're about to join an Avengers team which means you'll be here just as much as mom, so no, I don't think you're gonna stick around….not when you're probably going to find a better family to be around" you replied in honesty. 

Kate patted the spot next to her, gesturing you sit next to her and with a sigh, you did. "First of all, I am never, ever going to find anymore as cool as you. Who else is going to come late night pranking with me? Who else is going to Jack with me? The dudes a tool" she chuckled, bringing out a real smile on your lips.

"Secondly, I am never going to leave you behind, you're my sister and I only have room for one of those, nobody will ever take your place. You can always count on me to be there, no matter what happens in life and if you think I am going to go off and join an Avengers team with you, you're crazier than mom and that is saying something" 

You couldn't help but chuckle once more at your sister's love. It dawned on you that you allowed your thoughts to convince you that Kate would abandon you like almost everybody else in your life already had. "Do you mean that?" You asked, looking up at her. Kate nodded as she wrapped an arm around you and pulled you in for a tight hug, "you're stuck with me, even when I annoy the shit out of you, remember that" She smiled softly when you hugged her back just a tightly. 

"Thank you Kate, I really needed to hear that and I'm sorry that I've been distant lately….i just, I didn't want to worry you with my stupid problems" you replied once you both pulled away. 

"I rather have you worry me with what's on your mind than being closed off and feeling alone. You know, sometimes I think one day you're going to go off with your friends and forget about me but then I remind myself that I'm actually a lot cooler than anybody else in the world and you would miss me too much" your sister replied, making you playfully shake your head at her. 

"I can't wait for you say something like that in front of the Avengers" you said. Kate laughed, "oh no, I can't do that. Being the coolest on earth is actually my secret power. I wouldn't wanna make them feel uncool" 

"You're actually just a goof ball" you chuckled. 

"A goof ball that is craving a pizza with her sister, what do you say?" She asked. "Yeah, I was kind of thinking the same thing, moms cooking skills are slowly, slowly getting there" you replied, causing you both to chuckle once more.

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[circeyoru]

Angelic Doctor _ Part 2

[Human!Alastor x Disguised Angel!Reader]

Part 1

Part 2 (here)

You tried. You really tried. You ignored that blood-red colour his soul had and tried to change him, maybe even turn it into a lighter shard so he could be redeemed or saved in some other way. But there was a reason why that blood-red colour was such a dread to Angels like you, it was dreaded for the known reason that that mortal was an evil person. One that was barely forced to do evil, unlike those with criminal parents or cultists led down a wrong path. No, no, no. These people were the ones who picked their fate and enjoyed it

You had thought Alastor’s kindness and caring persona shown to you would help you persuade him to turn over a new leaf, but he merely favoured you and that was that. No benefits for you to take advantage of that would change the dark person he was

Alastor noticed your advances. Was it to get him into Heaven? Dear, you are so pure and adorable! Words can’t describe it! He was doomed to Hell the moment his shock turned to excitement at his first kill which was his father! Instead of getting him to Heaven, he wants to bring you down to Hell with him

He thought that spending the remainder of his time on Earth with you was enough, but it wasn’t. The more he spent his time with you, the more he wanted to keep you to himself. A darling just for him and his interest only

He started small, asking you out on days off or break time, taking you to visit local cafes he thinks are good or needs a companion to go for those pair offer deals. Then it started to grow, he’d take you to work, walk you back home as he insisted that the streets were dangerous since the cops had yet to catch that deadly killer, even wait for your breaks to come so that he could have a meal with you. He knows you’re a busy person, being a doctor that everyone relied upon and trusted and all that goodness

Originally, he thought your goodness and kindness were a facade to draw people in or a way to earn people’s gratitude towards you. Yet in his time with her, you remained constant, sure there were moments where you let out some steam and vent, but otherwise you were the perfect opposite of him. This just solidifies his fear that the two of you will be apart after one of you dies, forever

In a desperate attempt, he tried binding your soul to his so that even when you die first and go to Heaven, the moment he dies and is dragged down to Hell, you’ll join him. Vice versa

That when he found out you’re not even human. You were a literal Angel

You were made aware of Alastor’s attempt since your angelic powers activated themselves in the middle of the night while you were peacefully asleep. Your wings were summoned and your hair turned white as your halo appeared over your head. At the foot of your bed, you found Alastor with a spellbook of some kind. Around your bed was the setting of some ritual

Betrayed by your kindness, you rushed out of Alastor’s manor that he offered to you during the Great Depression that brought so much suffering. In a twisted turn of event, your time was up and your opportunity came in the form of a lightning shock. Thus, your return to Heaven after your journey on Earth in the city of New Orleans

Alastor barely had the time to compute the failed soul binding, then there was your angelic self, but the most devastating realization was your death. Of course, he knew you weren’t dead, but you’re as good as dead because he would never see you again. You’d be above and he’d be below. He’d never be able to contact you. Never

In a fit of uncontrollable rage and despair, he went on a murder spree. His clean-up getting more and more sloppy until he was cornered and killed by the pack animals that were called the loyal friends of humans

Note: A bit short, but that's all I got. I've seen a lot of Angel!Reader oneshots or headcanons or imagines and had to do one myself. It was fun but a bit short compared to my other ones ╚(″⚈ᴗ⚈)╗

P.S. I have no idea where you guys come from! Thanks for the support!! ( ´•ᗨ•`)っ ♡

Circe Y.

MASTERLIST

[its-luna-noel]

pirouettes & the ghost of harman street | gojo x reader

01. how nice it'd be to fall in love again

"Baby, I'm hurt so bad by you I also think about how nice it'd be, to fall in love again I won't expect the same" ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ Satoru Gojo lost his best friend, his partner, his other half. He's terrified when another friend falls for him. He can’t let this time be like the last.

warnings: 18+, MDNI, f!reader, eventual smut, friends to lovers, past satosugu, drinking, partying, brief non-con & past non-con trauma, depression, past suic!de, grief/loss, panic attacks, some dark themes but i promise this is a comfort fic

word count: 2.8k

chapter: 1/10 next chapter

masterlist | link to ao3

notes: hiiii, welcome to the first chapter of my first gojo fic! this work is based on a song by the same title by Musa. pls enjoy.

He’s not exactly sure what drew him to you, but if he had to pick one thing, it was probably your laugh.

He heard it for the first time at that party, all those months ago. He hadn’t even wanted to go; he’d fought it tooth and nail to avoid it. He was grumbling to Shoko, who invited him out to a house party for some friend’s birthday, and he was adamant that he did not want to come.

Shoko just sighed at him. “You can’t just live your life missing him, Satoru.”

He gritted his teeth. “You don’t know what it’s like.”

“I lost him too,” was all she said in response.

So he begrudgingly went out, because he didn’t have anything to say to that. She was right; she’d lost Suguru, too. And even though it wasn’t the same – she hadn’t loved him like he had – he felt guilty for insinuating otherwise.

He put on the one pair of jeans he didn’t care about spilling alcohol on and went to the address Shoko sent.

He got out of the Uber and stood outside your apartment building for a long time, listening to the loud music that could be heard even from the sidewalk out front. He almost backed out of his agreement right then and there; he really, really didn’t feel like going in there and putting on a smiling face for a bunch of sweaty, intoxicated idiots. Especially not for a party for some stranger he couldn’t care less about.

But, remembering Shoko’s quiet words – I lost him too – he took a deep breath and walked up the stairs to your apartment, walking in the unlocked door.

There were tacky decorations all over, gold and white balloons tied in corners and a dollar store banner spelling out “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” on the wall. Satoru almost rolled his eyes, but he kept his grumpy opinions to himself. Instead, he saw a familiar head of blond hair, and he pushed his way through mingling guests to tap on Nanami’s shoulder.

“Hey, man,” he greeted, and he almost cringed at how tired he sounded. He tried to put on a more cheerful attitude as he gestured to the beer in his friend’s hand. “Where’d you get that?”

Nanami pointed him towards the kitchen, which was uncomfortably packed with people chatting and laughing and pouring themselves shitty, sugary punch. Satoru grumbled a thanks before making his way over.

People in the kitchen recognized him – of course they do, he’s Satoru Gojo – and trapped him in idle conversation. They talked to him about parties he had missed in his time away (in his time mourning, but they didn’t know that), the social gossip he no longer cared about. He tried desperately to figure out a way to politely excuse himself, a way to tell them that he didn’t want to hear about that stuff right now.

Shoko eventually appeared and made short apologies before tugging him away from the conversation, and Satoru felt a rush of relief and annoyance. Relief for saving him, and annoyance for making him come to the stupid party in the first place.

Then she steered him towards the unfamiliar host, and he suddenly felt much more annoyance than relief.

“Shoko,” he hissed, but she either couldn’t hear him over the blaring music or just didn't care about his protests. She pulled him forward and tapped you on the shoulder, and you turned around with a polite smile on your face to greet your unfamiliar guest.

Satoru plastered a similar smile on his face. “Hello,” he said.

Shoko introduces you as the host of the party, and as the birthday girl. He just kept that same polite smile on his face. “I could’ve guessed,” he said, gesturing to the little tiara on your head. “Unless I’m in the presence of a real princess; then I apologize for being rude and should work on my bow.”

And then you laughed, and color bled back into his life.

It was just so bright, so joyful. There was no doubt that it was a real laugh, that you actually found him funny. Your smile widened to match, and the corners of your eyes crinkled. Satoru could only blink in surprise, a warm, happy feeling filling his chest for the first time in months.

“If I was,” you said around a grin, “then I’d have to work on my own curtsey.”

Satoru couldn’t help but smile back. A real one, this time, though small. “I take it you’re not royalty, then?”

“No, thankfully. Just normal, little old me.”

Neither of you noticed Shoko step away, a little smirk on her face.

Satoru took a sip of his beer. “I’d say you’d have to be royalty to have Shoko throw you a party like this.”

You sighed a little and shook your head playfully. “She and Utahime have been planning this for weeks. I couldn’t stop them if I tried.”

“Parties not really your scene, then? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around.”

You shook your head again, sipping at the drink in your red Solo cup. He wondered idly if you were drinking that crappy punch. “Not really.” You didn’t say anything more.

He examined you for a moment, recognizing the lucid expression in your eyes. It was the look of someone who was far too sober for their surroundings. He couldn’t help but smirk a little at the revelation; he knew, if nothing else, how to rectify that situation.

He leaned his shoulder against the wall next to you, tilting his head curiously. His lips still quirked in that same smile. “I don’t think it’s very fair that the birthday princess is the most sober one here. You should let loose. Let Shoko clean up your mess for you.”

You laughed again – that damned laugh! – and shook your head. “A killer hangover isn’t exactly on my birthday wishlist, you know.”

He grinned and leaned in so that he towered over you a little. He enjoyed the way your eyes followed his movement. He lowered his voice a little, finding himself feeling a spark of his old playful self. “Oh, come on, princess. Live a little. Go shot for shot with me.”

This time when you laughed, you threw your head back a little. Your eyes nearly closed with how squinty they got. “I don’t think you wanna do that.”

He scoffed a little, looking you over. He was practically twice your size; there was no way a little princess like you could outdrink him. And he told you as such. “Is that a challenge?”

“Not at all. More of a warning.”

He just grinned again. “Oh, now we’re definitely doing it. Can’t have you talking that way, thinking you’d outdrink the great Satoru Gojo.”

Are you the strongest because you’re Satoru Gojo?

He shook the thought away. He didn’t want to let a ghost haunt him, not tonight. Not while you were looking up at him with that big smile. Instead, he gently grabbed your wrist, feeling your warm skin against his fingers as he tugged you towards the kitchen.

There were still people milling around there, and they all wanted his attention, but for now, that attention was trained on you.

“So, princess,” he said, glancing around at the bottles of liquor on your counter, “what kind of shots do you want?”

“Is this ‘princess’ thing really here to stay?” You ignored his question and grabbed a bottle of tequila, pouring two shots in glasses before grabbing a lime and starting to cut it in quarters.

He just grinned and leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched you. “Is that a problem?”

You shrugged, seeming unbothered by it. “No. Just wondering.”

“Then, if it’s not a problem, yes, it’s here to stay. Princess.” He grinned again.

Your mouth twitched up at the corners as you handed him a lime wedge. You blew out a big huff of air. “God, it’s been a while,” you said as you reached for the salt shaker.

He couldn’t help but laugh. “Been a while, and you really thought you could beat me drinking? There’s something wrong with that head of yours, princess.”

“Don’t be mean to the birthday girl,” you playfully chastised before licking your hand and pouring salt on the wet spot.

He watched you, watched your tongue flash out of your mouth and brush your skin. Your comfort with the action was surprising, for someone who said they didn’t party much. He didn’t comment on it as you slid the salt shaker towards him.

Once you were both ready, you blew out another breath before licking the line of salt, taking the shot, and quickly biting into the lime. You shuddered, eyelashes fluttering at the taste in the back of your throat.

Satoru chuckled, his lips wrapped around his own lime wedge. “You’re good at that,” he said, licking his lips. “Despite how big a baby you’re being.”

“You know, if I knew you were this rude, I wouldn’t have agreed to this,” you teased, rolling your eyes playfully at him.

“Oh, princess,” he sighed, grinning at you as he poured another shot for each of you, “you’re too soft. I’m not rude, I’m just honest. You’ll have to get used to it if we’re gonna continue this little game.”

You hummed, nudging another slice of lime towards him. “Then I suppose I’ll just have to toughen up.” And you both knocked back another shot.

Satoru leaned against the counter again, watching you suck on your lime wedge. “So, how’d you and Shoko meet, if not at a party?”

“I started taking her self-defense class in January.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You, the little princess, took a self-defense class?”

You nodded, tossing the rind in the garbage. “Uh huh. Problem with that?”

“Not at all. You just don’t look like somebody who’s ever thrown a punch.”

“Well, that’s the whole point, right? Gotta protect myself.”

“I see.” He tilted his head curiously, looking you up and down.

“How do you know each other?” you asked, ignoring his inquisitive look.

“We were all part of the same boxing club.” All three of us. He didn’t add that. He was starting to feel the first hints of alcohol hitting his system, the subtle warmth working its way from his belly to his extremities, but he wasn’t nearly loose enough to start talking about everything that happened. About the missing link in their little trio.

“Okay,” you say, reaching into your cabinets, “I’m making us something decent for our next shot.”

He chuckled a little at you. “Can’t handle the tequila, princess?”

“I can handle it just fine. I just enjoy something a little tastier.”

“A princess, through and through.” He shook his head at you, a little amused.

You make good on your promise and make a lemon drop shot, which Satoru laughs at before shooting it with you. He makes fun of your taste in alcohol, but it’s all done in good fun, a light and teasing tone to his voice.

It felt good to be drunk, to smile at you and drink with you instead of focusing on the pain he was in underneath it all. For a moment, he wondered if this was how he should be getting through the rest of his hard days, but he shook the thought away, recognizing how dangerous that thought was.

Even if it was tempting.

The two of you spent the night chatting, sharing your taste in music, in movies, in shows. Inconsequential things that slowly brought you closer, giving each other insight into the innocent parts of your lives.

The sunny parts, without all the shadows.

Satoru almost felt bad, hiding those shadows from you. It almost felt like lying.

Eventually, you stood from your seat on your couch, teetering on your feet and throwing your arms out to the side to balance yourself. His hands came up to steady you, wrapping around your waist for a moment before you were stable.

“I gotta pee,” you told him.

He chuckled and let you go. “Thanks for telling me,” he teased as you walked away.

God, what was he doing?

He didn’t have an answer.

You were gone for a while too long, just long enough to clue him in that something was wrong. He stood, ready to go find you and make sure you were okay, but as he started to make his way through the dwindling crowd in your apartment, you appeared in front of him, eyes a little too hazy. You smiled at him.

“Hey! Sorry.”

He gripped your wrist, frowning down at you. His vision swam a little, but he shook his head to clear his head. “Are you alright?”

You nodded adamantly. “Totally good! Let’s keep going!” Your words slur a little.

His frown deepened as he looked closely at you. “No, seriously. You good?”

“I got sick,” you admitted reluctantly.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You got sick? And you still wanna keep going? Not happening, princess. Let’s get you in bed.”

You whined loudly at his instructions, and he rolled his eyes at your attitude. Such a princess. The nickname had started out as a joke, but it really was pretty apt.

“Stop whining,” he told you as he gripped your shoulders and started to guide you down the hallway. He signaled across the room to Shoko that he was putting you to bed. She nodded at him and sent a thumbs up.

“Puke and rally!” you cried as he guided you down the hall by your shoulders.

He just chuckled and shook his head. “No, princess. You’re trashed enough as it is.”

“You’re no fun,” you pouted.

“I’m plenty fun. You just can’t handle your liquor.”

“You’re mean.”

“And you keep saying that.”

You just huffed indignantly and pointed him towards your bedroom.

It was clean, minimally decorated. He guided you to your bed and gently helped you in, tucking you in and making sure you were comfortable. “Shoko will bring in some water for you, and probably a snack. You’re gonna hurt in the morning.”

“Whose fault is that?” you grumbled, giving a pointed look.

He just grinned innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Then he patted your legs through your blanket. “Get some rest, princess.” He turned away from you, feeling a pang in his chest as he went to leave. The night somehow felt like an entire lifetime, and somehow also passed far too quickly. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to you.

“Wait!” you bleated.

He turned to look at you, his head tilted to the side. For a moment, he wondered if you were going to ask him to stay. He tried not to appear too eager.

Instead, you reached out your hand. “Gimme your phone.”

He frowned at you, but dug his phone out of his pocket and handed it over silently.

It took you a while to find what you were looking for, your mind sluggish and muddy. But eventually you did, and you handed the phone back, snuggling deeper into the bed. “Okay.”

He glanced down at the screen, seeing a brand new contact: Princess.

He raised an eyebrow at you, trying to fight a smile. “You put yourself in my phone as Princess?” he asked, sounding a little incredulous.

You smiled, your eyes fluttering shut. “That’s what you call me.”

He was quiet for a moment. Then he turned away. “Get some sleep.”

“G’night,” you mumbled, and he was pretty sure you were asleep before he even shut the door behind him.

He walked out of the bedroom, towards the living room where Shoko was starting to clean up beer bottles and empty red Solo cups. She glanced up briefly, then returned to her work. “How is she?”

“She’s fine. Already asleep, I think.”

“And how are you doing?”

“I’m…” He thought for a moment. How was he doing? He felt…odd. Warm.

Like he hadn’t in a long time.

But that hole where his heart had once been still felt empty, and he wasn’t sure it could ever be filled.

“I’m okay,” he decided to say, looking at his friend as she cleaned. “Thanks for making me come tonight. I had fun.”

“I’m glad,” she told him, glancing up again. Her expression is genuine. “Want me to drive you home?”

“Nah, I already called an Uber.”

She nodded. “Okay. Text me when you get home.”

“I will. And…thanks again.”

She just smiled a little. “Don’t mention it.”

So Satoru Gojo returned home that night with a little sunshine in his pocket. With the sound of your laugh ringing in his ears.

thanks for reading! -luna xx next chaper