#went for the six posts bc i had too many things i wanted to sHOW

[galatially]

❝𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬❞

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 / 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 / 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 — 𝐣𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 "𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐧" 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭 x 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 — you called and i came, the history between us too broad to ignore; when he showed up on your doorstep five years after he disappeared in the middle of the night, logan howlett decided to clear the air

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 — 5K

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 — 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐍𝐈, 𝟏𝟖+, strong language, exes, angst, smut, soft boi™ logan, exes to tentative lovers

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 — it is time to spread the agenda of logan howlett and his influence on my brain rot for most of my nerdy life. shout out to lizzy mcalpine for making "ceilings" and having me spiral over it for a year!

also also, y'all, i know. i'm horrible at deadlines. but it's what y'all love about me lol

also also first post of 2024!

as always, lovely dividers by @firefly-graphics

Your fingers rubbed moisturizer into his skin, your fingers both light and firm. 

“You have so many scars.” He grunted in response. “When you tell me, am I going to have to set a house on fire?”

Logan laughed. “And why would you do that, bubba?”

“To defend your honor, of course.” You laid across his back to whisper in his ear, the warmth of your breath making the hairs on his body erect. “Can’t have you being the hero all the time. My shoulders are strong, too.”

“…listening? Logan? Logan!”

He blinked, his vision focusing on Ororo’s concerned gaze. 

“What’d you say?”

A soft smile graced her lips. “I asked where you were going.”

Logan hoisted his duffle bag over his shoulder. “I’ve got some business to attend to.”

Ororo hummed. “Would this have to do with a certain someone that lives in the Canadian mountainside?” He didn’t answer as he threw the bag in the back of his truck. “Do you think that’s the best thing for her right now?”

“I just want to make sure she’s okay, Munroe.”

“And then what?” Ororo crossed her arms. “What are you going to do when you see that she’s fine?”

He threw her a hard glare. “I just want to see her. Is that so fuckin’ wrong?”

Her features softened. “You had another dream about her.”

Logan turned back towards the garage. “What does it matter? I just need to see her, Munroe.”

She held her hands up. “I can’t stop you. I just worry that you’re about to uproot this woman’s life because you can’t let her go.”

He took in a sharp breath. She wasn’t wrong; he’d spent the better part of six years raking himself over the coals at how he ended things. If he allowed them, the memories of you screaming and your brown eyes red and puffy from crying haunted him more than any battle he’d ever been in. 

“Look, if you’re so hellbent on going to see her, then go. You’re an adult and you have to live with your decisions.”

He walked around to the driver’s side of his truck. “Tell our fearless leader that I’m goin’ out of town and I’ll be back when I can.”

Ororo nodded and waved, a sad smile on her lips. 

He shouldn’t fucking be here.

The second Logan crossed the border, he could think of nothing else but to get to you. Thirty-eight hours and he didn’t sleep for any of them. No, his mind’s eyes played memories of you: how soft your skin was, that fig and jasmine perfume you loved. The silken warmth of your cunt. He fucked his fist like a horny fourteen year old in that dingy hotel in BC. If he focused hard enough, he could get the tone of your voice just right — those breathy, pleading moans that you let out only for him. He could get lost in the memories, pretend that he was beside you in your bed, other people be damned. 

But that was thirty-eight hours ago. 

Now, here he was. His hands gripped the steering wheel of his truck until his knuckles went white, silently cursing himself for even showing up. He hadn’t seen you in, what? Six years? Who the hell was he to appear on your doorstep after the shit he pulled? 

His eyes scanned the forest surrounding your home. He hated that you lived so far away from immediate civilization. It took you thirty minutes to get into the nearest town for work and you essentially lived off the grid. When he’d happened upon your home that fateful October evening, he was amazed that you had a working phone, let alone Wi-Fi. Whenever you crossed his mind, he thought the worst. He used to beg you to get an apartment in the city, but you always refused. 

“I’m not ready to let get of this place just yet.” You looked up at him from drawing circles on his bare bicep. “Unless you want to give up city life and live out here with me?”

He didn’t answer; even back then, Logan knew that he was bound to hurt you. His refusal to give you more than idle pleasure was a point of contention for you both. Jean always said that he could be hard to talk to because if he wasn’t picking a fight, he was evading questions. But unlike Jean, you weren’t one to back down. When he’d divert or blatantly ignore your questions, you stood your ground. You didn’t give him the chance to distract you with sudden affection. You wanted to resolve issues as soon as they were made present. 

It’s something Logan both loved and hated about you. 

“Fuck this.” He groaned, scrubbing a hand down his face. He blew out a determined breath and opened his car door, his feet moving before he changed his mind. As he got closer to the house, he noticed the red “SOLD” sign on the lawn. His chest thrummed with…pain? Remorse? Fear?

What would he do if you left?

He was on your porch now, his heart hammering against his ribcage, fighting to get to you. He raised his hand to knock on the door as it was opening, being met with the face he’d been dreaming about for half a decade. 

Your brows were furrowed in confusion. “James.” 

His hazy memory didn’t do you justice; your eyes seemed more intense than the last time he’d seen you. You were dressed in an oversized t-shirt — eerily familiar to an old Pink Floyd shirt he thought he’d lost years ago — and shorts barely peeking out from under the hem of the shirt. Your skin smooth and begging to be touched. Your dark coils were thrown into a bun, pieces falling out in various places. You weren’t outwardly upset but you could school your features better than anyone he knew. Your body was half-facing him and half-facing the tiny hall that led to the inside of the house. There was a solemnity to your face that he didn’t recognize. 

A voice in the furthest part of his mind whispered that it was because of him. 

“Y’know you’re the only person that still calls me James?”

Your features flattened. “What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I was just passin’ through Edmonton and ended up here .”

“You drove for three days on a whim?”

“I was on my way back from handlin’ somethin’,” he said, the familiar finality in his tone. His gaze went past your shoulders and into the darkness of your home. “Have you eaten yet?”

You blinked. “Not yet.” 

He nodded, his blue eyes back on you. “Can I come in? I’ll make you somethin’.”

You should’ve said no. Should’ve slammed the door in his face and went back to packing up the rest of your bedroom. But instead, you moved to the side and let Logan inside. He thanked you and walked inside, toeing off his shoes, and heading back towards the kitchen like he’d been doing it forever.  

You looked out at his old, rusted truck one last time before closing the door and going to the kitchen. From the tiny hallway, you could hear him humming to himself; an old song his mother used to sing to him, he’d told you once. He’d put his hair up into a bun at the top of his head, a few strands falling to frame his face. His tan skin, the same skin that had scars that even his mutation couldn’t heal, glowed under the dull glow of your kitchen light. You used to always tell him beautiful he was, but he’d wave you off in that Logan way, telling you that no one was as beautiful as you. 

You leaned up against the doorjamb. “Last I heard, you were living in New York. You teach at some fancy school?”

Logan chuckled, mincing up onions and garlic. “I wouldn’t say teach.”

“So, what, you get paid to hang out with fourteen year olds in upstate New York? Sounds kind of sketchy.”

“I teach hand to hand combat,” he glanced over at you, “the kids that I teach it to are like me. Mutants.”

You wrinkled your nose. “I never liked that word; mutants. They make you all sound like failed experiments.”

“Aren’t we?”

“No.” You crossed your arms. “Far from it.”

Logan nodded, more to himself than your declaration, and moved to face the stove. He dumped his vegetables in a small pan to cook. He reached to the left of him — muscle memory, you reasoned — and grabbed a jar of maize. “You’d like it. New York.”

“You think?”

Logan lifted a shoulder. “Be better than livin’ all alone in the mountains.”

You let out a hum. “Guess we’ll find out, won’t we?”

“Where you headed?”

“I don’t know yet,” your eyes dropped to your fidgeting hands, “I didn’t think that I’d be able to sell the house, actually.”

“Why did you? Sell?”

“You know why,” you said, your voice lowered to a whisper. “I held onto it for her and when she died, I didn’t want to stay.”

“‘M sorry I didn’t reach out. Your mother was a remarkable woman.”

You made a bitter sound. “Yeah, well, you’re good at leaving when the wind blows.”

He pursed his lips, turning around to turn off the stove. “You got any plates or bowls left out?”

“James, I —”

“’S fine, Y/N. Bowls?”

You blew out a breath and walked over to the cupboard beside the stove and grabbed two plates, handing them over to Logan. Your knuckles brushed up against his but you kept your eyes on the oak wood of the cupboard. 

“Thanks.”

You rushed out a hushed “you’re welcome” and moved back to stand in front of the sink. The air was tense and you had to fight the impulse to pull Logan to you and let him consume you, if only for tonight. You tightened your hands into fists, feeling the bite of your nails as they embossed your skin. 

Logan handed you a plate and walked to your tiny kitchen table in the far corner of the room. He sat in his chair: close enough to the back door and facing towards you. Where before it was to smile and regard you with tenderness, now there was unease in his eyes. 

You’d forgotten that you didn’t ask what he was making, so the spread in front of you gave you pause: it was your mother’s polenta recipe. “You remembered.” The words came out airy, surprised. 

“You’re the last thing that I’d ever forget, bubba.”

“Don’t do this, Logan.” You set your spoon down. “Just…don’t.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, either!” You pinched the bridge of your nose. You pushed your plate away and looked away from your former lover. 

What were you doing? He showed up, out of the blue, making you dinner…to do what? The question had been clawing at you the entire visit. Why now? What could Logan possibly want from you after all of these years?

Logan leaned back in the chair, the wood creaking in protest against his broad frame. You kept wanting to speak, break the tense silence, but you couldn’t find the words. Looking at him, he seemed too still. Like a marble statue molded to the chair, anchoring him to this room with you. 

“I fucked up, bubba.”

Your brows canted. “What do you mean?”

“That night…the last night that I was here, I said some things that I shouldn’t have. Made promises that I didn’t know if I could keep.” One of his large hands scrubbed down his face, his eyes still on the ceiling. “I told you that I’d leave everythin’ behind to stay.”

Your bottom lip quivered. You remembered; he’d come here that night more impassioned than usual. His hair wind-swept, his cheeks wind-whipped and red, he pulled you in for one of the most passionate kisses you’d ever had in your life. A clash of tongue and teeth against fleshy lips and curves of skin that left you a shaking mess beneath the thin sheets of your bed. You laid in his arms, running your fingers along the lines of his collarbone, when you’d asked if he’d stay. You weren’t begging, didn’t even lower your voice to a low hush to persuade him. You were as direct as you always were, determined to know where you stood in the universe that was Logan Howlett. 

“You lied.”

His eyes, darkened with sorrow, finally found yours. “I lied.”

You blinked back tears. “Why? If you knew that you weren’t going to make space for me in your life, why make me believe you would? I uprooted my life for you, Logan! I was going to sell my mother’s house and ride off with you into the sunset! And for what? For you to leave me alone?”

“I couldn’t take you with me then, Y/N. Somethin’…came up.”

“I know, Ororo told me.” Logan shot forward, his eyes wide. “She came and found me two years ago. She said that there was an incident and that you almost died. Said that you kept murmuring my name, telling them to make sure that I was safe.”

He scoffed. “Always meddlin’, that woman.”

“At least she cared enough about you to come find me.”

His jaw tightened. “You’re walkin’ a thin line, bubba.”

“Don’t fucking call me that. You don’t get to call me that anymore, Logan.” You stood up from the table and opened the back door. “Get out.”

“What?”

“Get. Out,” you hissed. “Thank you for making me dinner, but I want you to go.”

Logan crossed his arms, throwing you a hard look. “No.”

Your nostrils flared. “James, get —”

You’d forgotten how fast he was. He was out of the chair and in front of you in an instant, your next retort dying on your tongue. One of his large hands cupped your chin and the other slammed the door shut. His blue eyes roamed your face, searching for something. 

Though he towered over you, hell, he overpowered you, you didn’t back down. “I want you to leave.” 

“I’m not leavin’. Not until I say what I have to say.”

Your eyes brush along the seams of his lips, lingering, before meeting his smoldering gaze again. “Then say what you need to say and go. I’m done with this.”

Logan’s fingers gripped your chin harder, his gaze hard. “We’re not done talkin’, bubba.” There was an intensity to the nickname as it left his mouth that made your thighs clench together. He leaned in closer, his lips brushing up against yours. 

You gripped the sleeve of his flannel, your pulse fluttering in your ears. The hand that had closed the door moved to the small of your back and pushed you into his pelvis. You gasped at his hardened erection against your thigh. 

“You can yell at me, you can fuckin’ hit me if you need to.” He rested his forehead against yours. “But don’t tell me to leave. I don’t know where to go if I’m not with you.”

“You haven’t had me in years, James,” you said, roughly. You knew that he caught the desperation in your tone, your words. You tipped your head back and lifted up on tiptoe to press your lips to his. When you finally noticed that he hadn’t returned the kiss, you started to pull back, a pit growing in your stomach. 

“I’m —”

His arm tightened around your middle to keep you still. His mouth molded against yours, hungry and desperate. 

You pawed at his flannel, helping him shrug out of it. Logan cupped his hands under your thighs and lifted, wrapping your legs around his waist. You sucked a bruise along the curve where his neck and collarbone meet, relishing in the hiss he let out. 

“Wait, wait, wait.” He pulled back, his gaze intense. “I need to say this before anythin’ else happens between us.” Your brows creased. “I hurt you. I hurt you and it fuckin’ killed me, Y/N, and I’m sorry.”

Your breath caught. You didn’t know Logan enough to know his favorite color or his mother’s name, but you knew enough about him to know that he didn’t apologize. Didn’t matter if he was wrong or right, he just didn’t. But the man before you wasn’t the man you knew six years ago. Now that you were looking at him, you could see it all: the dark circles, the stiffness of his body that only came from being nervous. 

Despite your assertive nature, you didn’t hold grudges. Those types of feelings need to constantly be fed into and that was energy you couldn’t spare. Not even for men that you fell in love with too quickly.

You put your lips to his again. He mirrored your movements and carried you to your bedroom. He sucked a bruise onto the skin between your ear and shoulder, making you let out a whimper. You ground your hips against his hardened erection. 

“Fuck, honey,” he hissed. 

“I need you inside of me, James.” You nipped at his earlobe. “Please.”

He kissed you, long and hard, before helping you out of your thin shorts. His thick fingers glided through your puffy folds, a guttural groan leaving his throat. 

“You this wet for me, Y/N?”

You mewled in response, your hips moving against his digits, begging for pressure on your swollen pearl. 

He gulped, his eyes hungrily tracing over your lust-drunken expression. His cock was straining almost painfully against the denim of his jeans but he couldn’t stop staring at you. He drew the pad of his thumb along the curves of your parted lips, sucking a breath when the tip of your tongue barely swept against the skin. 

He dipped the digit between your lips, watching with rapt pleasure as you suckled and moaned around it. He groaned and curved his free hand around the base of your throat. “Such a good girl, aren’t ya?”

You shuddered. “I can be.”

“Oh, yeah?” He suckled a love bite onto your skin. “You think you can be mine tonight?”

You nodded eagerly. 

Logan chuckled and threw you over his shoulder, taking what seemed like three large steps into your bedroom and tossed you lightly onto the bed. He took hold of your face and slotted his lips over yours, licking deeply into your mouth. 

You pawed and pulled at his flannel, clumsily helping him out of it while trying to keep kissing him. He hummed against your lips and worked your thin shorts down your thighs before ripping them down the middle. The cool air against your bare cunt gave you gooseflesh. Your hands moved to work at his belt buckle as his own pulled at the shirt you wore.

“Was wonderin’ where this went.”

You chuckled. “You barely wore it.” You made a triumphant noise upon getting his pants undone and to the floor, looking up at him from beneath your thick, dark lashes. 

He wanted to devour you. One of his big paws cupped your face and he ground out, “Are you sure, bubba?”

You took his heavy cock in one of your hands, moving up and down the length of it. You smirked at his sharp breath as you eased down to your knees. Without breaking eye contact, you took him into your mouth, a low groan vibrating against your tongue. 

“Jesus,” he gripped your curls into one fist and threw his head back, “just like that, sugar.”

You hollowed your cheeks and took him deeper, the tip of your nose pressing against his pubic mound. The hand that wasn’t giving gentle squeezes to his thigh when to massage his heavy balls. 

A low groan, bordering a growl, tumbled past Logan’s lips. “You have to move, baby. ‘M dyin’.”

You moved your hand from his balls to curl around the base of him, slowly working in tandem with your mouth. You moaned around his cock, spit dribbling down the sides of your mouth. You lightly scraped your teeth along the length of him. Logan hissed and gripped the sides of your face and started fucking your face. Your eyes were rimmed red, tears streaming down your face, and yet he looked at you with the reverence reserved for altars and gods. 

“‘M cummin’…’m —”

He came in thick ropes into your mouth, his hips stuttering as he was coming down. His hands fell from the sides of your face to rest them on the tops of his thighs. 

You pushed off of Logan with a faint “pop” and sat back against your calves. Your eyes trailed up and down Logan’s frame; you’d forgotten how big he was. Broad shoulders and back, large hands, thick, corded muscles. He could sometimes be as foreboding as he looked. 

Then, post nut clarity smacked the shit out of you. 

“Shit.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, me, too.”

“No. I mean, shit like we shouldn’t have done that.” You pushed yourself onto your feet. “Where’s my shirt?”

“You mean my shirt?”

You ignored his jibe and scanned the room for the garment. One of his hands shot out and pulled you onto his lap. 

“I can smell ya, sweetheart.”

Your brows creased for a few seconds before you understood what he’d meant. You gulped, your chest rising and falling in hard pants. “Doesn’t matter, James. This was a mistake.”

His eyes — those intelligent, ever-searching eyes — darkened, a hunger in them that you hated that you missed. “Was it? What’s so wrong about two people findin’ each other again?” His thumb swept along your bottom lip. “‘M all yours to do whatever you need, baby.”

Your tongue darted out, barely pressing against his skin before his mouth claimed yours.  He eased you onto your back as his hand traversed the expanse of your torso. His hands pawed and kneaded at your breasts, rubbing and twisting your nipples into stiff peaks. Your back canted towards his touch. His mouth suckled at your right nipple, his other hand still playing at the other.

“James,” you pleaded.

“What, bubba?” He chuckled darkly. “Use your words.”

Every word that flashed in your mind died in your throat. Only incoherent pants and groans left you. Logan switched to your left breast and one of his free hands cupped your mound. Your eyes screwed shut. The rough pad of his thumb brushed up against your clit, sticky with your slick. 

“So wet and I’ve barely touched you.”

Your hips bucked and he rubbed the bundle of nerves again. Slow, tortuous swipes that sent shocks to your system and tightened your belly with need. Just before the coil snapped, his cock drove into you. Tears fell from your eyes and a choked gasp ballooned in your chest. 

“Fuck, honey, s’good.” Logan’s voice was hoarse and desperate. He fucked into you like a man possessed; his big hands gripped your hips, surely leaving bruises behind. He moved one hand to curl at the base of your throat. Vignettes of memories past played in your mind’s eye and you let out a ragged keen, moving your hips to meet his thrusts. His name passed your lips. “Yeah, baby?”

You gripped one of his forearms. “‘M close.”

Rough skin swept across your clit. “Let go for me, bubba. C’mon.”

Your back canted as a guttural moan ripped from your throat. Logan pulled you into his chest, whispering my good girl and I’m here in your ear as you came down. For a moment, it was like nothing had changed. He’d never left you behind six years ago and this was just another evening for the two of you. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and you buried your face into his chest. 

“Hey.” He lifted your chin to meet his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“I hate this,” your voice quivered, “I hate that you came back. I hate that I still — ” You shook your head. “We shouldn’t have done that, James.”

Logan cupped your face in his hands. “What do you want me to do? I’ll do anythin’ you ask me to, Y/N, you have to know that.”

“Do I?”

He pulled out of you and gathered you in his arms as he tucked you both into bed. His deep, even breaths reverberated up your spine. You sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again. 

“I never meant to hurt you. Hurtin’ you was the last thing that I wanted to do and there’s nothin’ I could do to fix that.” He pressed his lips to the nape of your neck. “Just…talk to me. Please.”

“You broke me, Logan, do you know that? I broke all of my rules for you and it broke me. I was already grieving my mother and you made me grieve you when I never had you to begin with.”

“I know,” he rasped. 

“Do you?”

“When Storm came to visit you, she wasn’t jokin’. I almost fuckin’ died.” He ran the backs of his fingers up and down your spine, his tone faraway. “I was slippin’ away, could barely focus on anythin’ in front of me for too long. Then suddenly, your face was the only thing I saw. I could picture you so clearly, down to the micro expressions that I didn’t even realize I’d paid attention to.” He rested his chin atop your head. “I’d made sure that I never thought of you too often or I’d leave everythin’ behind to come back to you.”

“And yet, here you are.” Your voice wobbled at the end. “You broke the one rule you shouldn’t have.”

“Yeah, well, rules are meant to be broken. I don’t regret showing up. Even if this is the only thing I could get, I’d fuckin’ do it all over again just to see you, bubba.”

You turned over to face him, your brown eyes hard. “Yeah, but bodies weren’t, James. You shouldn’t have to nearly die to decide that I’m worth seeing again.”

“You really love half-listenin’, don’t you?” He held your chin between his fingers, lifting your eyes to his. “I haven’t stopped thinkin’ about you since I left, Y/N. The only reason that I didn’t keep in touch was because I was afraid that you wouldn’t want to see me. Like you said, bodies weren’t meant to broken.”

“Neither were hearts,” you murmured. 

He nodded. “And would yours consider lettin’ me back in? It’s selfish to ask, I know, but I don’t want to let you go again, bubba.” 

You threaded your fingers between his. “I want to. But how will I know if you’ll stay this time, James? What’s changed in the last six years?”

Logan brought the back of your hand up to his lips. The warmth in his eyes, while not unfamiliar, made your breath catch. For a split second, you remembered that he could hear your heartbeat fluttering madly in your chest, your pulse against his forearm. 

“When do you leave for New York?”

Your brows knitted together. “I should be done packing in a few days. Why?”

He pulled one of your legs over his hip, laughing when you sucked in a breath. “We’ll go into town tomorrow, pawn all the stuff you’re not usin’ anymore, and pack up the rest in the truck. We’ll make a trip out of it.”

“And where would we go after that? I’m not living in a boarding school.”

“I have a place of my own, thank you very much,” he said, smirking, “it’s not much but it’s mine. It could use a…softer touch, I think.”

You sat up on your elbow. “Yeah?”

“‘M gettin’ old, bubba. Like, obviously not so much physically, but mentally? I’ve seen wars, watched people that I care about die. Walked away when I should’ve stayed.” He threaded his fingers through your free hand. “I’m sayin’ all this to say that, if you’ll have me, I want to stay.”

You hummed, looking down at your joined hands. If tonight proved nothing else, you and Logan were tethered each other for better or worse. There would never be a moment where you wouldn’t think of each other and that scared you. But if you knew nothing else, you knew that you loved him. You loved James Howlett. 

“Will you want to stay? I’m not about to uproot my life just for you to leave me again.”

He pulled you close, putting his forehead to yours. “The worst mistake I’ve ever done is leave you behind Y/N Y/L/N. I should’ve told you that I loved you five years ago.” You gasped. “I love you, bubba, and I regret everyday not that I never told you.”

“Say it again.”

He took your face in his hands and smiled, the peach hue of the sun warming his face. “I love you, Y/N Y/L/N. I’ve loved you for the past six years and I will never stop lovin’ you.”

Tears pooled in the corners of your eyes. You wanted him to say these words, waited for them for over half a decade. But they were…heavier than you anticipated. Though your own confession sat on your tongue, too much clung to them; the last fight you had, your mother dying shortly after and how you resented him even more for leaving you alone at a time like that. More than anything you hated that you cared about him so quickly just for him to leave. 

“You don’t have to say it back yet.” Logan smiled some. “Five years is a long time to grieve something.”

You put a hand to his cheek. “You know that I want to, though, don’t you?”

“I know,” he kissed you again, “and we’ll get you there. One day at a time.”

𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 — given the fact that i haven't written in literal months, y'all have no idea how happy i am to have churned this out. happy 2024!

[did-i-mention-the-shirt]

okay okay yes i KNOW i should be writing my fanfic BUT

Community characters as AJJ songs bc it's my favorite show and favorite band :] (If you want anyone added, feel free to ask!) Jeff Winger - Brave As A Noun. Okay, hear me out. This song not only applies to him lyrically but also shares the energy he has in the later seasons. He's just forcing himself to be satisfied with a life he doesn't really want, but also doesn't hate, is very season six finale. That is very much BAAN.

Britta Perry - Dissonance. It really has her energy. From the pilot to the finale, it fits her consistently despite her major character change. She is not put together. She hates herself because everyone's told her to. Britta is the best, but no one sees that. Not even herself. The only people who treated her with respect were the people she spent the least amount of time with! Think about it, she's had - what? - One touching scene with Duncan and Pierce each? She deserves more.

Abed Nadir - Goodbye, Oh Goodbye. Just listen to the song and you'll agree. This is mostly because of Troy's departure or in Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas. Whenever he has to confront his emotions, he has this distance between himself and everyone else. The opening lines, "I was thrown onto the ground/I was locked inside a basement/The guards went on vacation while I plotted my revolt." really, really, REALLY reminds me of 'Virtual Systems Analysis' when Annie's talking to Abed in the mind locker. It's a sad song, but it really fits him. The line "It's nothing like the nothingness that normally numbs one pain" is very clearly related to Troy. He got so used to Troy, and he never took him for granted, but Troy became a constant. He was Abed's anchor, and now he's gone.

Annie Edison - No one. This is Annie, particularly as the Ace of Hearts in 'A Fistful Of Paintballs'.

Troy Barns - A Big Day for Grimley. It's giving post-sea voyage Troy. He's changed, he's traumatized, and he's a little bit alone. He's proud of himself but is full of regret. What happened to Abed? He doesn't know.

Pierce Hawthorne - People Ii: The Reckoning. THIS IS PIERCE!!! Now, many of you know I love Pierce, so if you don't then you might not agree with this choice lmao

Pierce is sad. He is so sad. In Britta's words, he has spent so long looking out for himself, but he would give it all up for a shot at a family. He never gets that family. The study group never fully accepts him, despite his efforts and his becoming a better person with their help. Even Annie, the nicest to him in the group, seems to see him as a project or something. Like, he's just some old racist, homophobic old man, and not someone with 60+ years of trauma that he gradually works through with the help of his friends. He gains a brother. He defends the LGBTQ+ community. He wants nothing more than to be close to Jeff. And he dies alone.

So, yeah. "Here's to you Mrs. Robinson, people love you more, oh nevermind."

Dean Craig Pelton - Human kittens. No, I don't know why. Someone needs to give him a hug (Jeff).

Ben Chang - Dipping Things In Stuff. I don't know, he's batshit. He wants love though, just like the rest of us. This is very seasons 5/6 of Chang, I believe.

Buzz Hickey - Hate, rain on me. Tired, nihilistic, and praying for hope. I really like this song for him.

Elroy Patashnick - Normalization Blues. Don't ask me why. It works.

Ian Duncan - Fucc The Devil. Sad, distant, desperate, and hallow. But enough about Duncan. This song is the perfect example of, "I have what I want. Why am I still not okay?" which is what Duncan faces a lot. "I wanna go away for a while/Away for awhile/Because the things that I have seen/Are turning me into a shitty human being." Look me in the eyes and tell me that's not Ian. This man deserves so much more then people will let him have. Don't get me wrong, he's awful. But aren't we all, just a little bit?

Frankie and Shirley are too sane for this band im sorry to them

[jackiekashian]

no one reads these anymore right? Maybe i should post on wordpress…

I won’t be with Maria outside Pittsburgh tonite.

You know when you want to be mad at yourself even though it doesn’t matter and it becomes some sort of theater?

This week in scattered thought and action… not complete: I flew to Columbus Ohio and in the cab from the airport I left my airpod holder/charger and the portable brick charger attached. i got a new airpod holder charger but not a brick bc i have a backup.

I was flying to minneapolis the next day and misplaced my wallet to the tune of six witnesses and 90 minutes of scramble and me remembering witnesses to bad behavior, while technically, could be turned into an audience of my tragic death scene… they didn’t buy a ticket. So i was pretty good (tho not perfect… i was a little teary eyed and so mad at myself)… i thought i was rewarded for my patience by finding my wallet.

I go to Minneapolis and get to the airport early. So early I use up the charge on my other brick charger so plug it in. I missed the flight to Pittsburgh bc I left the charger and WENT BACK FOR IT. It’s not a fellow Marine… it’s a $100 charger. But I asked the people to call the gate and ran for it but the door was closed. So I missed the flight. And i had a small temper tantrum and cried and - it wasn’t the worst - like it wouldn’t go viral. But it was embarrassing and there was no way to get there on time for the show. So the agent has to find a new opener for Maria. My luggage is going to Pittsburgh. And I’m flying back to LA.

I am now trying to parse why I still want to hate myself for forgetting so many things this week. I want to still be mad at myself and have people be mad. Maria gave me extra money. I think - I HOPE it was the bump from last night’s show and not just sick pay:) but I’m not good at not accepting money. So I’ve taken it. I know Maria gets it. She has missed and forgotten things. But I’m just so mad and scared it’s the end of my brain working. But it’s also - A. OVER… just keep swimming Dory. And B. So many moving parts and not sleeping a lot. So chill kashian.

And I’m still in a skyclub. I’ve told the story to too many Delta reps and can’t face telling it to every friend and family member. To each person asking “so you couldn’t get another flight and make the show.” “There wasn’t another early flight?” I probably would have taken it. “The plane was there but they wouldn’t let you on?” I probably would have gotten on it. “So your luggage is on the flight to Pittsburgh? You checked it at Minneapolis?” That’s how checked luggage works.

“You knew the flight was boarding and Minneapolis gates are really far, why didn’t you just abandon the charger? The charger costs $100 - you would have got to hang with your friend, watch her work on her set, work on your new jokes and make more than $100?” And then I want to get defensive and explain tired and I already lost one… And I KNOW the questions aren’t there to make me feel worse - just people thinking out loud to get the problem and either fix it or offer ideas of how not to do it in the future. Hell, that last has not even been said to me… that’s the Parole Board Committee meeting that’s being held in my head right now. And you’ve just read the minutes. Sigh.

No sympathy is required, just venting and others might need to hear my brain and know they aren’t alone.

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

Therapy recap

TW: abusive relationships, rape

We talked about a Bunch today so let's see how much I can remember

Going into therapy, I wasn't sure what to talk about bc we've been pretty shutoff internally

When asked who was here for therapy today, I explained that I'm one of the Rowens but we've been very ??? about who we've been lately (aside from when the Beans are around). So we explored that. I read a post another part had written earlier in the week about our pattern of a part(s) showing up and wanting to track things and dig into part stuff then we flip to parts who don't want to be noticed even to ourselves. When talking about why they don't want to be noticed, it came down to not wanting to make problems for the people around us which pinged an internal belief that most clearly vocalized by an ex when he broke up with us saying "I have enough of my own shit to deal with. I can't deal with you too"

So we dug into that belief and I realized that it hit so hard bc we were very much being treated as a problem to be dealt with by the adults around us at that point so his statement was just an explicit vocalization of how we were being treated by others.

This led into talking about our next relationship which lasted 3 years and ended after we read a poster in the dorm bathrooms with questions about your relationship and then ended with saying that if you answered yes to multiple questions your likely in an abusive relationship (and we had answered yes to most 🙃). We talked about the ways that relationship was damaging and the collateral damage (breaking up with him also led to a friendship ending fight with my best friend at the time which was more painful that the breakup with my ex). I don't remember the specifics, but I said something about how that relationship was bad but in retrospect feels less bad bc our next relationship was so much worse.

So of course we then went on to talk about that relationship and the two years of missing memories. What I know about that relationship is mostly what I've been told or later read about in old journals. But we broke up with him a year and a half in after realizing he'd been raping us but then got back together a week later and were together another six months before once again realizing he'd been raping us but thinking this was the first time we'd figured it out. So lots of DID stuff tied up in that experience.

This morphed into talking about our difficulties trusting our own perceptions and memories and knowing that pretty much anyone we interact with remembers more of our interactions than we do and how difficult it can be to have to trust others.

This led into talking about K and how we've had to become more confident in our own memories of things as her memory has gotten worse. She used to have a very good memory but has been a lot more forgetful since she got COVID last winter and now regularly forgets interactions we have so I have to be more confident in my own memories when I remember a conversation with her that she has forgotten. We talked about some other things wrt K but I'm gonna skip over that.

I had mentioned taking ADHD previously so we talked about that and that I've been wanting to pursue treatment for my ADHD again as I'm finding it hard to focus on things I want and/or need to do.

We ran over a bit today, but they said that next time they want to talk more about why so many parts don't want to be seen so our homework is to think on that.

[m00nz-artpad]

Don't you know too much already?

I'll only hurt you if you let me

Call me friend, but keep me closer

And I'll call you when the party's over

101 years later, the year 2000.

Olivia was a far cry from who she once was. The once adventurous and fearless outlaw had become an overly cautious and withdrawn woman. By the 1920s, she had fully regained her memories, and that was because Javier had died.

Yes, even though Javier had left her and John on that damn wagon, when she met him again in 1911, she just couldn't leave him. She tried, she really did... but when John revealed that they were planning to execute him, she went back and freed him. He was still the Javier she knew and loved, just trying to protect himself as she was protecting herself.

And so they had married and lived a beautiful life together in the woods of Alberta. Liv still hadn't gotten the full picture with her memories, but when someone murdered Javier in 1926, she remembered everything and was distraught about it. She held him as he died, and though she tried her best to save him, it wasn't enough.

As the weeks turned into months, and the months into years, Olivia became more bitter and closed off, too afraid to open up. Still, she couldn't stop worrying when she got a call from a Dr Jean Grey that they had Logan in their care. Of course she dropped everything and flew to New York to see for herself and she was just glad to see her father alive and well because she had lost contact with him years ago after one of his outbursts at her because he didn't understand why she cared so much for him not knowing who she was due to the same amnesia she had once suffered from.

And so she explained everything she could to Professor Xavier and Jean Grey, about the brain damage and how something in their brains couldn't properly recover memories without time to process them. Logan's damage had been significantly worse, so she wasn't the least bit surprised that he didn't know anything, but she was more than willing to help them.

Olivia had become an unofficial X-Man because of her help with them, and she had even grown close to some of the students because she saw so much of her old gang in them; Rogue was very much like Mary-Beth, John like Sean, Bobby like Charles somehow reborn into a dorky teenager. They all meant something to her, and she wanted to help them grow and get stronger, so she took up teaching defense after the professor suggested it.

Maybe she wasn't a hero like the others, but she was willing to stick around for a while if it meant helping others.

Yes, the story for Olivia and Javier has been changed because where I originally left them off made my heart hurt. This version also hurts, but it definitely isn't the last time that they'll be seen together 😌 I actually have a very special artwork in the works right now for them.

Also in this part of the storyline, Olivia actually will end up chopping her hair off at some point because her hair is really long because baby girl has not been taking super good care of herself outside of cleaning herself and maintaining her slay fashion sense. After all, she is extremely traumatized and heartbroken.

I don't wanna hear anybody saying that Logan wouldn't snap at Olivia because the thing is that he doesn't know who she is at all. He has the same amnesia she did, the only difference is that she had a whole GANG to help her remember. Logan basically only has Olivia and even Laura (I SWEAR BBYGRL IS GONNA SHOW UP SOON 🥹😭) one of whom actually experienced it firsthand, and the other who was only six years old. At this point, obvious Victor and the Howlett's aren't on good terms despite Olivia's attempts to remain in contact with him bc he is her uncle and she loves him.

Anyways; the reincarnation idea I had many many posts ago has become a part of the storyline. So Olivia will eventually come across Javier, Arthur, Sean, Charles, Hosea, ect. in very similar yet different vessels. Mostly because they were the most important people to her in the gang. I haven't yet decided on if I want to reincarnate the others, because I know it'd make sense but the world doesn't really need another Dutch or Micah. But Liv 100% needs another Arthur in her life.

The only difficult thing to do is come up with names for these new vessels because obviously they likely wouldn't be named the same except maybe Arthur because let's be real; Arthur does truly look like an Arthur. Is this just an excuse to give them a better ending? Abso-fuckin-lutely. Besides, Olivia is so much stronger now thanks to the adamantium, so she can more better withstand horrific crashes and she can destory just about anything woth her claws alone. She's more prepared for whatever will come their way this time.

(Oh and for anyone wondering why Olivia's hair is styled the way it's always been styled; it's because her design is partially based off of X-Men Evolution Wolverine. It's why she has the hairstyle she always has, and also why she's so short. Because she could also 100% fit into the Evolution universe. I realized I never really said that before and some people might have thought I just gave her a slightly goofy fringe just for funsies lmao)

[howtobecomeadragon]

10, 13, 18, 27 please and thank you 🤭🥰

dang okay, i had a lot to say for these!!! hehe thank you for asking 😊

10. has a piece of writing ever haunted you? has your own writing haunted you? what does that mean to you?

hmm. none of my writing haunts me. but I have been a big reader all my life and there are certain books that have stuck with me, due to how much they made me feel, whether it was joy or heartbreak or grief. and I think that is haunting in a way. and I guess in a way those books haunt me bc I want to write something that sticks with someone that long.

some books/series that haunt me: six of crows, in other lands (terribly underrated book), the princess diaries (ik 🫣), many books by tana french, the raven boys, inkheart, neverworld wake, love and other words, his dark materials, wolfsong, the library at mount char, every heart a doorway.

13. what is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you to write about? what is easy?

some personal stuff incoming here... everything to do with will's relationship with lonnie in my current big wip (come back to me and forgive everything) is very difficult for me, bc it is very much so inspired by my relationship with my dad. will's rant on the swings was me about my dad, the sneaking around the house trying to avoid lonnie was me growing up with my dad, will putting himself in a situation where he stays with his dad despite everything was me in the past with my dad. upcoming things I haven't posted yet from that fic are as well. i wanted to write about it obviously, but it's been challenging bc of that too!

also umm kissing scenes are impossible, they stress me out to the max.

the easy stuff? the yearning. all the ways that being infatuated with someone shows up in silly little ways. I love that shit.

18. choose a passage from your writing. tell me about the backstory of this moment. how you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

Here's a little passage from my movie magic fic:

"The Byers had moved to Hawkins five months ago. Or rather, technically, they had moved back to Hawkins five months ago. They’d lived in Hawkins as an unhappy little family until his parents had divorced. Will was only three."

I probably could've had this fic done like a week ago if I hadn't agonized over Will's background. I originally had this ambitious idea of Mike returning movies, but behind that, I was also going to have it so that the Byers moved away from Hawkins when Will was in kindergarten or first grade... so he'd already met Mike. it was going to be this whole complicated thing of Will slowly remembering Mike and figuring out when Mike remembered Will, long lost best friends from when they were 5, etc. it was going to be very dramatic.

but then I was like "??? write a short fic for once, ffs." so I scrapped that idea for this one (still ended up with 14k though. 🙄 I will continue to pursue the goal of writing a short fic). also had a short time where I was just going to have the whole fic be post s5, but I wanted to change the dynamics up a bit.

I may very well return to the concept of Will moving away after meeting Mike in a different fic in the future, but for now I like the simpler concept I went with instead. Will is just a new guy in town.

27. who is the most stressful character you've ever written? why?

Dustin is stressful for me to write tbh?? he's kind of a loose canon and he's very very much so Not Me, so although he had a big scene and a ton of dialogue in one of my fics and he's here and there in other fics, I tend to be cautious about writing him. it's just harder for me to get in his head I guess.

[majoringinsarcasm]

It wouldn’t be my favorite show if ppl didn’t keep up the 10 year long tradition of not acknowledging banana boy as an important character the writers write things about on purpose. Feels like home going out this way.

“Why did they waste an episode focusing on JAUNE instead of anyone else? What about Ruby or Raven or Yang?!”

Deep breath.

Because the company is shutting down and anything that they release are the episodes or parts of the episodes they had already finished and can edit in such a way where they feel it’s good enough to release.

We don’t know. And may never know. What their entire plan for Beyond is. The last stream is on the 26 so maybe someone will ask how many episodes they had PLANNED before learning THE COMPANY WAS BEING SHUT DOWN.

“This is the very first entry in which I guess is going to become my journal.”

Maybe their goal was for 12 mini episodes to touch on specific things that they can’t show super in depth in volume 10 / things they wanted to shine a light on. In rwby proper Sun and Neptune being silly goofy detectives would not match the somber and serious tone of the epilogue we saw. Much like world of remnant was a world building story book of exposition and narration, Beyond doesn’t quite fit into show proper. What I love about rwby being a web series is that it CAN have these offshoots and branches and funny side things and STILL have the main story. Like an OVA.

IF we had gotten Ruby v9 aftermath in this episode instead: what would ppl be okay with seeing. It’s less than six minutes just like volume one episodes. She could not “Tell Yang about Raven, bond with Oscar, have a talk with Pietro” all at the same time. If anyone reads this then maybe they’ll snap “any one of those is better than what we got” and maybe they truly believe that. Or maybe if crwby picked the “wrong” thing to focus on they’d say why This and not That.

The company is shutting down and anything that is released is what they already had finished Enough.

Knocks on the glass. We still have Two Whole Episodes. Next week could be Bees or Weiss family or Penny talk or Ruby. We. Don’t. Know!!!!! What I do know is that it feels familiar in a toxic relationship way to see people bitching YES BITCHING about having a Jaune focused episode. That’s an uncomfortable constant. Won’t miss it but as the Company Shuts Down it truly feels like old times.

The episode was amazing by the way in case people haven’t watched it bc of Jaune. The art style is lovely, it showcases the lingering trauma of the ever after. It’s got Jaune having sympathy for Oscar. “He never apologized!!” And neither did Emerald who episodes before joining the team was helping Cinder fight Penny. It’s not a plot hole. It’s not lazy writing. We clearly have seen Jaune grow to care and worry about Oscar post his volume 6 wall push. Immediate after that he’s so upset when they find out he’s missing. I’m assuming in the show context they had made up. Just like I’m assuming Raven has told ppl she’s the spring maiden after her daughter went missing. Like. I too wish we saw more of things but we didn’t and we gotta move on about what isn’t gonna happen or might not happen the way we Think It Should.

It’s less than a month until the company is shut down along with the apps. Isn’t that fucked.

I WANT to tag this. But I won’t. But if you do find and read this please know that I’m not knocking people for Wanting Other Characters. I’m 100% on board with man I wish we had gotten a glimpse into someone else.

But under the circumstances of who they can get, what they’ve already made, and just. Their own emotions about working so hard for something they might never get the legal rights to work on again. Having a short episode about the secondary main character of the show (I count all of team rwby as main characters all four are the mains) after what he’s gone through and the specific context of feeling out of place. Coming Back Changed in a way that relates to Oscar. Was Intentional.

And to be perfectly honest if they took up five minutes of a show proper episode yall would fucking riot so. As a Jaune fan who understands the anting to see team rwby count your blessing this Jaune Feelings is presented the way it is bc again. Yall would throw a fit if this was a PART of the show proper.

[xxomalley]

( fossey porter | instagram )

[moonlitwalkss]

since everyone was so great the last time around, I have another writing challenge! (again- no pressure if you don’t want to participate, but don't be afraid to post even if you aren't a fic writer :) write a blurb/share something you've already written about Lexi telling Fez she's pregnant....

hi anon! thank you for sending me the prompt, it was a bit difficult bc i really don't know anything about pregnancies, but i gave it a shot.

i also posted it on ao3 in case anyone prefers to read it there, anyway here we go...

Ever since she got her first period when she was twelve, Lexi has tracked her dates every single month. During her teen years, she would only write it down in her bullet journal, and as the time went on, she not only had it there but also on the app she had downloaded to her phone and the calendar app, that way, in case Lexi lost either, at least she had a backup.

She always had a regular period, of course over the years, the dates of her cycle would change, but she was never really late. She could count with her hand the few exceptions when she was late; back in high school when she was stressed out writing, producing, starring, and directing Our life, her first few months in college, and that one time she thought she was late by almost a week, but it was mostly due to her new schedule, and both the anxiety and excitement she felt about her new job as a writer for a tv show. 

And now too, 18 years later after her first period. Lexi looked at her yearly calendar in her journal, she was three weeks late, something that had never happened before. She didn't want to get her hopes up but she wasn't stressed and she hadn't had any changes to her routine lately to explain the tardiness. 

Well, that wasn't entirely true. The only thing different was that six months ago, on her 30th birthday, she and Fez had agreed on Lexi getting off the pill and try to get pregnant. 

Her husband (she would never get tired of saying that, not in her five years of marriage or any time soon to be honest) knew even before they were even together that she had planned out the time she wanted to have her children. And even though her math wasn't the most precise back then, she was still adamant to have her firstborn by the time she was 30, and Fez, not being able to deny anything to Lexi, and also excited to start their family, wasn't about to say no to her. 

They had been trying for six months now, but so far her period had arrived on time every single time. That was until three weeks ago when she noticed she was late for one week. Lexi let it slide not wanting to think about it. By the second week, she got more nervous, but she had way too much work to do that week, that she just forgot about it. 

And now, by the third week, she couldn’t ignore it anymore. Her heart was beating fast. This could be it. I might actually be pregnant. She shook her head in an attempt to make her thoughts disappear. Lexi couldn't handle another disappointment. But it's been three fucking weeks now. There was only one thing she had to do.

She had imagined this day many times before. Taking the pregnancy test, looking at the positive result, and planning a cute way to show it to fez, like buying a baby onesie and putting it in Fez’s drawer to surprise him. But she never thought how scary the possibility of the negative result would be. Lexi didn't think she could do this by herself; the surprise pregnancy revelation would have to wait for their second child, she needed her husband by her side right now.

Closing her journal, she left the room and headed to the kitchen, knowing very well that Fezco was already waiting for her there. He did not disappoint her, Fezco was wearing his apron, turning off the stove, and serving their plates.

"Good morning, baby, you hungry? Breakfast's ready." He glanced at her quickly, giving her the sweetest smile before turning back to his task. 

"Morning." He had made pancakes and bacon, cut some fruit, and prepared fresh orange juice. Everything looked delicious, she just couldn't think about eating right now. "Mmm, I'm not really hungry right now, Fez."

He turned around and looked at her with a worried expression on his face."Lex, everything alright? You looking paler than me." He sat her down on one of the chairs, brought her a glass of water, and checked her for any sign of illness. Lexi's lip started trembling, she could feel tears building up in her eyes.

"Um, I think, I mean I don't want to get your hopes up, I'm not really sure, but it's been three weeks and that's not normal for me, I didn't know if I should have gotten the test before saying anything or if we should do this together, but it just couldn't do it without you, and I'm just so scared, Fez, I-"

"Yo, yo, yo, Lexi, baby, slow down, I can barely understand what you saying." She took a deep breath, looking at his clear blue eyes, tears were already falling down from her own.

"I'm three weeks late, and you know I'm always on time, I mean that could mean… fuck, I can't even say it." Fez finally understood what she was trying to say, he felt all over the place. And even though his excitement was winning over, he knew that right now he had to focus on Lexi.

"Hey, hey, I'm glad you told me, I don't want you to go through this by yourself." Fezco pressed his forehead to hers, and after a few moments like that, he cleaned her tears. 

"Um, I could take the test right now." 

"Whenever you're ready, Lex, I'm here."

They head to the bathroom and she took three of the pregnancy tests she bought a few months ago. It was less likely to have three false results, no matter if they were positive or negative. After peeing on the three sticks, she put them on the counter and washed her hands.

Lexi hugged Fez who was standing next to her and thought about how grateful she was for having him with her. She couldn’t imagine waiting one whole minute for the results by herself. They stand still, holding onto each other and looking at the strips.

"What if I'm not pregnant?" Her negative thoughts were running over her head. 

"We just gotta keep trying, Lex. We still got another six months according to your plan, remember?"

"And if I don't get pregnant by then?"

"If we don't get pregnant then we keep tryin', there's no problem if we're behind schedule, but we could see a doctor or something if that makes you feel better. Let's just take it a month at a time, alright?"

Lexi just nods her head against his chest, not wanting to look at the tests anymore. She focuses on his breathing to calm herself down. Fez looks at his watch, and then down at her.

"Minute's up." She could tell that he was trying to keep his cool, but his trembling voice betrayed him. 

"I don't think I can look at it." 

"Wanna do it together?" She shook her head no.

Lexi felt him stretching his arm to grab one of the sticks. She's still pressing her head onto his chest, so she can't see his reaction, and when he doesn't say anything, it feels as if her worst fears had become reality, again.

"What does it say?" Her own voice was hoarse and her eyes were already filling with tears.

"Why don't you check for yourself, Lexi?" She looked up at him and saw him cry with a tiny smile on his face. Lexi felt her cheeks wet from the tears that were already falling from her eyes and gathering all of her courage she turned her head towards the test on his hand and saw the two pink lines. She then grabbed the second and third ones to see the same positive result.

"Fez, we're having a baby!" They both started laughing together. 

"You gonna be a mom, Lex." He held her tight and then kissed her forehead.

"Thank you."

"What you thanking me for?" 

"For being here with me, and helping me not freak out." Lexi was sure this was the happiest moment of her life and she wanted to keep it in her memory forever. 

"Imma always be here, Lexi." 

"You're gonna be a great dad, you know?" He chuckles but keeps tearing up.

"Nah, don't start Lexi, I swear I won't stop crying." She laughs along with him and wiped his tears.

"We gotta make an appointment with the doc after all huh?" She smiled and nodded excitedly. Lexi now had other things to track down, her ob-gyn visits, her trimesters, the baby's movements, and the list kept on growing in her head, but each one made her happier than the last. 

[anothermansjeans]

Give It A Like

Part 1: Welcome To My Channel!

paring: spencer reid x youtuber!fem!reader

summary: youtuber!reader meets spencer in a book store and finds it hard to keep a filter

word count: 1.5k

a/n: AHHH IT’S HERE!!! MY BABY! SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY MEANS SOMETHING TO ME LMAO okay, so i’ve read the feedback yall gave me and i think i will be posting the oc version later today on here as well (i will probably also post the oc version on other platforms, but i know some people only read on tumblr)! i wanna thank you all for hyping this up bc um… i’m scared HSHDNDN anyway, here she is!!

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“--and I told her, ‘no, Kim, I can’t go to your multi-million dollar party on Saturday, Taylor already invited me to her Fourth of July beach party!’, and that’s how most of my dreams go. I always end up rejecting Kim Kardashian’s invitations. Maybe I should look up what that says about my subconscious… maybe I’m-- damnit, my camera’s dead.” 

Y/N stopped in the middle of the sidewalk on the busy streets of D.C, head down, now looking at the black display screen in despair. She thought she’d been doing this long enough now that she’d realize when her camera was about to die mid-vlog. “This” being making YouTube videos. 

She started about a year ago, not really knowing what the hell it took to actually post videos and have an internet persona, but after a month of silly little videos she deemed worthy of seeing the light of day online, she found herself slowly but surely gaining a following. She went from Y/N Y/L/N, the girl from a small beach town that ended up at Georgetown to Y/N Y/L/N, the up-and-coming YouTuber who is currently doing absolutely nothing with her business degree, but still makes enough from her videos to live in the small apartment she’s lived in since undergrad. 

“And I don’t have my extra battery. Great!” She rolled her eyes and continued her walk down the bustling street. This was the vlog where she was going to share her favorite bookstore with her subscribers. ‘Was’ being the key word here. There weren’t many places she felt the need to show her followers-- mostly for safety reasons (she’s heard too many horror stories about the crazy fans that will wait at an influencer’s favorite place in order to meet them, and she was not ready for any crazy J-Lo level stalker situations), but she still wanted anyone who watched her videos to see her authentic self. 

Entering the bookstore, she took a moment to appreciate her surroundings before making a bee-line towards the small outlet in the corner, digging in her bag to grab the charger for her battery (yes, she brought the battery charger but not her extra fully charged battery… she was a hot mess, okay?). She hadn’t been paying attention to her surroundings, muscle memory coming in handy from the countless times she’s had to use this outlet, but in that moment, oh in that moment she couldn’t have wished for anything more than to be paying attention. 

This had to be the most mortifying thing to ever happen to her, really. She somehow managed to completely fail at multitasking and miss the six foot figure who had to have ten books piled up. She was at fault here, she was the absolute mess, and she was the one to quickly drop down all frantic, radiating the awkwardness she always held when it came to any situation remotely similar to this.

“Shit, I’m sorry, wow, I really need to watch where I’m going.” She quickly began to start the small pile of books from where they lay on the ground, not paying any mind to the stranger who dropped said books as she continued to ramble. “And it’s not your fault-- just incase you were thinking that, because trust me, I’m the walking hot mess here and you’re just”, she took a deep breath, finally looking up at the man who was now kneeled down in front of her, contributing to the growing pile in front of her, before blurting out “really cute.” 

The brown-eyed, unruly haired man’s eyes shot to hers, neck all the way up to cheeks reddening as her comment sunk in. Y/N was bold...ish? She definitely had her awkward moments, don’t get her wrong, but at times she could find herself not really needing to keep her thoughts to herself. Taking this handsome stranger as example A. She wasn’t the type to shy away from showing her true self, and it was something that helped as she grew into her role on YouTube-- not giving a shit about what others may say about her personality. 

She was brought back to the present though, when the sound of the very, very handsome mystery stranger clearing his throat aroused. He was scratching the back of his neck, now looking literally everywhere but at her. So he was the awkward type. Again, she thought, cute.

“I’m Y/N. So the next time I inevitably try to kill you by not paying attention, you can give my name to the police.” She laughed at her own joke (she tends to do that a lot), but quickly stopped when she saw the wide-eyed shocked expression spreading across his face. “I’m kidding, promise.”

“Did you know that in eighteen twenty-eight, Louis Daguerre took the first photo that captured a human? He intended on  taking a photo of the Boulevard du Temple in Paris and a man happened to be standing in the street, getting his shoes polished. Exposure lasted for seven minutes so the man ended up getting captured.” 

The stranger’s sudden fact left Y/N confused until she followed his eyes to where her camera lay on the floor next to her discarded bag. 

“Oh,” she started, picking up the camera, “This isn’t for pictures. I take videos... for YouTube. I’m an influencer.” 

“That’s a website.”

“And you’re a genius!” As soon as the words left her mouth in the sarcastic tone, Y/N regretted it, noticing the twitch in his face and the crinkle between the man’s eyebrows. “I’m kidding. Again, sorry.”

“Well, factually speaking, I am a genius.” He had finally looked back up at her when he continued, “I have an eidetic memory, an IQ of one-eighty-seven, and I can read twenty-thousand words per minute.” 

“Well that explains the dozen books.” Noticing the corner of his lip twitch up made Y/N’s confidence become just a bit more boosted. “So, hot and smart? Does this genius have a name?” 

“I-I’m Spencer. Dr. Spencer Reid.” 

Her eyebrows skyrocketed up and she let out a small chuckle. “Wow, doctor, huh?” When she slowly started to get up from her position from the floor, she dusted off her hands and watched as he clumsily struggled to stand, picking up his books. “Guess I definitely don’t have a shot at getting your number.” 

“My- my number?” 

He did that a lot-- he sounded unsure. Y/N had literally just met the guy and she could already tell that for someone who should definitely have their ego boosted, he was on the self degrading train one-hundred percent. 

“Yeah, you know, so I don’t have to come here every day just so I have the chance to see you again? Trust me, I love this shop, but it saves some time, don’t you think?” 

“It’s not really safe to give your number to strangers”, his rebuttal made her quirk an eyebrow. So that’s how it’s gonna be. 

“How else am I supposed to get another fun fact?” 

He looked skeptical for a moment. Very skeptical. “You liked the fact… about the photo?” She slowly nodded her head in response, giving him a moment before she watched him dig in his satchel and pulled out a card. “Um, well this- this is my number. I use it a lot for work, but I always answer it.”

She took the card from his hand and gave him a soft smile. “Thank you. I was most certainly be texting you, Spencer.” 

“And I will text back… Y/N.” 

She really wanted to crack up at the exchange, but her gut told her this type of thing didn’t happen much. That he didn’t give his number out randomly. 

There was a small moment between the two, and Y/N had felt the butterflies swirl in her stomach. This felt right-- getting his number felt like the most right thing she’s done in a while. Their moment though, was interrupted by the small ding of his phone, and she saw dread flash on his face before looking back at her. 

“That was actually work. I uh, I should go pay for these.” 

She waved him off and shrugged, “go ahead. I need to charge this camera battery anyway.” 

And just as she imagined, his departure had been just as awkward, with a thin smile and a small wave heading her way, she sent one back before turning around and heading back towards the outlet. There was some part of her (the tiny narcissistic side of her) hoping he was nosy. She hoped some part of him couldn’t help but actually go onto YouTube and see what she was about. Hoping that he saw that fun side she put out there for the world to see and become completely enthralled by her. She was hoping he would be just as captured by her as she was by him. 

But now, looking down at the card he’d given her when asking for her number, she didn’t really think she would have to hope for it. Criminal Profiler, SSA Dr. Spencer Reid. The damn FBI… he was in the FBI. Yeah, he was definitely going to see her fun side. 

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[maki-my-beloved]

Okay so I was thinking about Mikey's dream for Emma and Draken and came up with whatever this is. It started as an idea for a fic I'm pretty sure I'm never going to write. I'm posting this to see if I can convince someone of writing some Drakemma I guess.

Headcanons of what could have been in an alternate universe where everything is fine , no one dies and Draken and Emma get married and have a son named Shinichiro.

Mikey is such a great uncle. He takes care of the baby almost every day. Takes him to the park, plays with him, buys him a gigantic amount of unnecessary stuff.

Everyone he knows has seen at the very least one pic of shinichiro. He has him as his phone background. He keeps a photo in his wallet. His phone is almost out of memory bc he has so many pics.

He is used to it now, but the first time he held him he was so scared he was going to drop him or squeeze him too hard.

Mikey and the baby usually nap together.

Unlike his parents, he does not care if he is spoiling his nephew

"Look at his little face, Ken-chin! How can you say no to that?"

Draken sighs

Izana is currently living in the Philippines with Kakucho. He sends tons of stuff for his nephew. More than he should.

He also comes to visit as much as he can. He and Mikey fight over who is the best uncle.

Takemichi and Hina babysit him a lot. Takemichi is really awkward with him but also incredibly cute. He does puppet shows for him.

Hina is the godmother of the child.

Hakkai and Mitsuya are third in the babysitting line (they would be second if not for hina)

They take care of him every Wednesday (they live together)

For his 2nd birthday, Mitsuya makes him a mini Toman uniform. It's the cutest thing ever.

Baji is a menace around the child, he likes to pick him up and run (Shinichiro really likes it). He also lets him play with anything he wants (His parents don't like to leave them alone together because they once found their baby playing with motorcycle parts)

Chifuyu is fond but exasperated by their antics. He is usually the one that babysits them when they want to hang out.

Pah and Peh sometimes forget they shouldn't yell when the baby is around. They always apologize profusely when he cries (they fight over whose fault it is tho so eventually they yell again)

Sanzu lives with Mikey. He doesn't like children very much

Inupi doesn't usually babysit Shinichiro. He sees him a lot tho. Emma usually comes to have luch with Draken and brings him along.

The first time he was ever in charge of the baby, it was because Mikey was late to pick him up and Emma had to leave to do something. Her idea was to drop him off at the shop so Mikey could go there. Draken had just left to pick something up. And suddenly Inui was in charge of a child he didn't know how to take care of. (After the initial panic worn down, he did a great job. Draken was back 15 minutes later to the sight of his son sitting on one of the motorcycles, Inupi holding him with one hand, the other was holding his phone to take a picture)

Draken is not a big fan of kazutora so he usually doesn't see the kid. Once, when Shinichiro is around three, Draken and Emma let him have a sleepover at Baji and Chifuyu's place. Baji picked him up but something came up so he left Shinichiro at the pet shop with Chifuyu. Kazutora, obviously, was also there. It was the first time he had seen him. Chifuyu and Baji usually told him about the kid of course, but they had never met. He was really nervous. It ended up being fine tho. He is usually good with kids and Shinichiro seemed to like to pet the animals so he just kept him company. (Chifuyu took a pic of kazutora siting on the floor with the three year old on his lap, surrounded by six big cats. Some were lounging on the floor. One was on Kazutora's shoulder. Shinchiro was looking at it laughing.)

Once, when Emma was getting everything ready for the house party they were hosting for their friends, she saw Draken and Shinichiro playing. Apparently someone had been telling Shinichiro about the Toman days because lately he wanted to be a gang leader. He was standing on the couch, Draken's old Toman jacket on (it looked huge on him), a small army of toys and plushies was on the ground in front of him. Draken stood to the side, intently listening to his leader's speech. She took a sneaky pic and decided to join. She was appointed Captain of the first division, in chage of a shark plushie and Shin's favorite stuffed bunny.

They were still playing when everyone arrived. They ended up ordering something to eat so they could all join in.

Bonus: this short scene I wrote

Ken Ryuguji woke up to the sound of a baby crying.

"Hey, Ken can you...?" Emma started to ask.

He sighed.

"Got it" He kissed her forehead, got up and went to the room next to theirs.

"Hey Shin, what happened champ? You hungry?" He said as he picked up his son.

Being waken several times every night was not among Draken's favorite things. Some nights were worse than others. Sometimes Shinichiro refused to sleep and made sure no one else could, either. He was getting used to it after 7 months of it, still didn't love it though.

Luckily, it seemed tonight was one of the good nights. After feeding Shinichiro, Draken held him against his chest and started gently rocking him.

It didn't take long for his baby to fall asleep. It usually didn't. Now came the tricky part.

He gently, slowly tried to put him in his crib. Shinichiro immediately started protesting. Draken sighed. They were probably spoiling him a little by letting him sleep with them on nights like this, but he was too tired to care.

He quickly picked him up again and the baby calmed instantly. He made his way back to his bedroom. Emma started a little when she heard soft steps heading towards the bed. She turned and opened her arms. Draken put Shinichiro in the middle of the bed and got inside the covers.

It took almost nothing for them to get settled, both parents hugging the child in the middle, Drakens hand in Emma's hip, her hand in his hair

[shotorozu]

road trips and horror movies

[REQUEST] Hiii~ could you possibly do a bakusquad crack/fluff/platonic headcannon during a horror movie OR roadtrip somewhere

character(s) : the bakusquad; bakugou katsuki, kirishima eijirou, kaminari denki, sero hanta, ashido mina

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, quirk not mentioned, y’all can drive

headcanon type : fluff, very platonic except for the briefly hinted bakugou x reader, but that’s just.. one bullet dw

note(s) : i kinda liked both of those concepts, but i didn’t want to make a separate post for them— so i just merged them ✌︎('ω'✌︎ ) also i lowkey hated how this turned out wkdnwn

»»————-　♡　————-««

the bakusquad

horror movies

it’s either a really good horror movie that you guys end up watching, or a really bad one to the point it’s almost like a comedy

but bakugou is a lot more strict with picking the movie, just because he doesn’t like his ‘time to be wasted’

but he actually really likes laughing his ass off at dumb main characters, and the girls that trip and don’t even bother to picking themselves up.

mina usually likes clinging to you during jumpscares, and it’s almost like a death grip it’s almost like she anticipates a jumpscare, because moments before— she’s already grabbing at you. it’s almost as if she has a six sense or something

sero’s pretty chill, and he’ll say “see! there’s no jumpscare.” only to get jumpscared seconds later 💀 it’s funny that it happens every single time

kaminari is that person that jumps at every loud sound, grasping on either kirishima or bakugou but bakugou will shove him off

kirishima’s the first one to recover from jumpscares surprisingly, only beating bakugou by a few seconds. (because bakugou tends to freeze when he’s scared, and it takes him a few realizations for him to return back to normal)

plot twists in horror movies are a hit or miss if i must say. if done correctly— y’all will be like 😦 for the remainder of the movie. but if it’s a bad plot twist, y’all will just turn off the tv

whenever that really random spice scene shows up in a horror movie, bakugou usually skips past it— yelling at the rest of you like “close your eyes or i’ll poke your eyeballs out!”

will you guys get paranoid after a horror movie? most likely. doesn’t even matter if the ending was anticlimatic. you guys will stay up just thinking about the movie, trying your best to get some rest.

you and kiri alway hide behind bakugou during scary moments, and he just scoffs— telling the both of you that the movie “isn’t even that scary”

road trips

you and the bakusquad wanted to go see some nature, but bakugou thought it was a stupid idea bc of the many possibilities of going missing in the forest or ending up dead

but don’t get me wrong, bakugou’s favorite thing to do is mountain climbing, so he really likes nature.

sero is the group’s driver, the second being you and bakugou. but let me explain why it’s sero lol

bakugou is a decent driver but— he’s quite an angry driver, and bakugou’s always yelling at other drivers in the road angrily and all of you chose life first

but if all of you can take bakugou’s angry driving style then.. bakugou’s going to be the groups driver. and it’s also because bakugou can drive for long periods of time

ok but during the trip, y’all were 🤏 this close to seeing the heavens JUST because of bakugou’s driving during a rather steep speed bump 🗿

kaminari is that bitch that always needs to pee every hour. i think sero’s like this too but he has more tolerance than kaminari i guess. KAMINARI IS ALWAYS SAYING SHIT LIKE

“guyss can we go to a nearby gas station or something?? 😫 ya boi might pee any moment now!!”

“disgusting.”

so you guys actually get there an hour later than usual just because of his constant need to piss

mina always has the aux cord. believe it or not, the entirety of the bakusquad can mutually agree that doja cat and nicki minaj’s discography is godly

the entire car ride went downhill when super bass came on 😳

you and kiri played several games of i spy, the first few rounds just being you and kiri, and the game just grew from then on. bakugou eventually gave in

bakugou refuses to let you drive. he’ll complain that he’s the one that’s been driving for the past 4 hours— and if you offer, he’ll ignore you HJSJDSKK

oh boy, if the car somehow ran out of gas— all hell will break lose (until bakugou found the extra canister of gas) he was this 🤏 close to kicking y’all out but he didn’t

when you guys finally got to your final destination, i’d say it was worth all the chaos— especially when you guys had a lot of fun

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, and use my works for audio readings without my permission :))

[denkamis]

hi!! could i get double chocolate and cherry with kaminari, shinsou and midoriya please?❤️

idk if i did this right so im sorry if i didnt!

to anon: hey anon, no worries! you did it perfectly :)) aww i love the characters you chose for this prompt, this is adorable. enjoy some fluffy times with these sleep deprived boys from a very sleep deprived writer <3

warnings: none! just some swearing and some bad sleeping habits lmao. reader is gn!

prompt: denki kaminari, hitoshi shinsou, izuku midoriya scenarios + “it’s okay, i couldn’t sleep anyways.”

denki kaminari

denki stays up late playing osu and minecraft

what can i say, he’s just a gamer man

so he’s honestly pretty reliable when it comes to you knocking on his door at late hours of the night

always the biggest cuddle bug, really happy that you go to him first out of everyone

literally drops everything for you hehe

lots of sleepy kisses too

“fuck! goddammit,” denki grumbled, shaking out his wrist as he had just failed the six star version of the intro of blend-s on osu. he had gotten rather addicted to the circle clicking game. this further resulted in denki staying up late on school nights, despite kirishima’s warnings of him potentially falling asleep in class the next day. it was fine, he could always borrow notes from you or jirou anyways!

as he went to restart the map again, a soft knock came at the door to his dorm room. spinning off his computer room chair, he prepared himself to be lectured by aizawa for the fifth time this week about breaking curfew. “aizawa-sensei, i know that i’ve been loud lately but i swear this time it won’t happen- y/n?” he stopped mid-sentence as he saw you standing on the other side of the door. “what are you doing up so late?”

you shook your head, immediately hugging his torso instead. you were clearly a bit distraught about something, but denki wasn’t a mind reader. he figured that from the way you were clinging onto him, it must have been a bad dream of some kind. “hey, hey, easy there! nearly knocked me over, huh,” denki laughed lightly, pressing a soft kiss to the side of your head before closing the door behind you. you clung onto him, face buried in the crook of his neck. it made a small blush dust across his cheeks, a warm feeling spreading through his arms as he held you close. “i hope i’m not bothering you,” you mumbled, to which denki hummed. “you never bother me, babe. it’s okay, i couldn’t really sleep anyways.”

the two of you stayed like that for a long while, denki swaying the two of you back and forth. you could feel gentle lips peppering the crown of your head with kisses. as your heart rate slowed, denki piped up. “wanna stay here for the night? my bed’s missing out on some action! and by some action, i mean sleep. i really can’t sleep.”

you snorted at his words, your eyes flicking up to his goofy yet endearing smile, his eyes bright yet a bit tired from late night gaming. he poked his tongue out at you, making you roll your eyes with a tiny smile of your own gracing your features.

“how could i say no to that?”

hitoshi shinsou

we already know he’s up at these unholy hours

not for any particular reason, just because he can’t really sleep

quite the insomniac that one

and the fact that he can’t sleep properly or well unless you’re with him

you smell like lavender in the morning too bc he puts it in his pillow to help him sleep, thank you

shinsou lay awake in bed, eyes trained on the ceiling as he waited for himself to fall asleep. it was no secret that he barely got any rest, so it was simply easier to just sit and wait until his body exhausted itself to the point where he simply fell asleep. staying as still as he could, he kept counting the amount of times he breathed in and out. it made him acutely aware of his surroundings. the crickets outside his room, the way the moonlight streamed through his blinds, the miscellaneous creaking sounds of the dorms. yeah, he definitely wasn’t sleeping tonight.

he didn’t flinch as the door to his room opened, blinking slowly as his eyes adjusted to the light spilling into his room along with a new figure. “y/n?” he asked, not bothering to sit up. “hey, are you up? sorry toshi, i couldn’t sleep,” you explained softly, allowing the door to close behind you as you tiptoed across his dorm room. his hair was sprawled across his pillow, deep violet locks hiding his hands situated behind his head comfortably. it showed off his arms that were built from training for when, not if, he ever got into the hero course.

a lazy smile crossed his lips at your words, his heartstrings being played by you so seamlessly. “it’s okay, i couldn’t sleep anyways,” he replied with a tilt of his head towards you. he moved over a bit in his bed as to give you space to lay down next to him. you crawled beneath his comforters, inhaling the scent of lavender as you did. apparently shinsou had said that the smell helped him fall asleep easier. strong arms wrapped around your waist, encasing you in a protective embrace as your head rested comfortably against his chest. the comforter was thrown over the two of you. you felt so much safer already.

his large hands were placed on your lower back, his thumbs drawing lazy circles on your skin as his breathing began to relax noticeably. hiding your smile, you cuddled closer to him. to this day, you had never seen shinsou fall asleep so quickly since that night.

izuku midoriya

baby is up studying for a test that’s in like 2 weeks

either that or he’s on an all might video spree on youtube and no that is not the first time this has happened, it is certainly not the last

he has so many stuffed animals in his room probably, like he just has them stuffed in his closet

the all might plushies stay on the bed tho

his cuddles are unmatched tho, change my mind

izuku was pacing around his room, vocabulary words spinning about his mind as he counted them on his fingers. he was mumbling definitions to himself, going over all of them in his head before referencing his notebook to make sure nothing went wrong. amidst his ramblings, a knock at the door made him jump to attention. “come in?” he called out, watching intently as he saw you come into view. his face showed relief, grateful to know it wasn’t aizawa or kacchan complaining about his incessant pacing.

“would it be alright if i sleep here tonight? i’m worrying about my grades and stuff again,” you rubbed the back of your neck with a small smile, trying to play off your question as relaxed as you could. it wasn’t exactly a secret that you had a crush on the boy in front of you. he was kind and humble, wanting to help as many people as he could despite all the circumstances that had the world against him. it was admirable. even now, he looked so concerned from the clear lack of sleep you’ve been getting these past few days. “of course you can sleep here. ah, wait! i have to, ah,” he stumbled over his words as you looked to the bed to see not one, not even two, but four all might stuffed toys on his bed.

“oh.”

midoriya’s face erupted with crimson, shoving the plushies into his closet as he sputtered out various excuses as to why they were there in the first place. when he turned back to you, you were giggling. not at him, but because of the entire situation in general. “you’re adorable, izu,” you told him gently. a light feeling bloomed in his chest upon seeing the smile you held for him. you looked so undeniably beautiful to him, the way your hair was a bit messy and how you stood in your pyjamas. while others, including yourself, would find that you looked completely normal, midoriya loved seeing you be so casual, so comfortable around him.

“you’re sure i’m not interrupting you, though?”

midoriya returned your smile with his own, stepping forward to intertwined his scarred fingers with your delicate ones. “it’s okay,” he murmured softly, holding your hand as if you were the most precious thing in the world to him, “i couldn’t really sleep anyways.”

all works © denkamis 2021.

tags:

@meilbox @honeykami @httpfirx @strawberrysalwa @hey-i-really-miss-you @smexy-goose @satis-kei

want to be on the taglist? see this post!

[lochnessies]

ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad). 

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace. 

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system. 

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society. 

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious. 

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic. 

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place. 

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

[hostilepoet17]

How long does it take you to complete a vid? As in from point the idea in your head to fully edited and published?

thanks for the ask! It's hard to pin this down bc if I have the inspiration and the time to sit down for hours and edit, then it can only take a few days. But honestly, the majority of projects in my folder for the past year are there for at least a month before being finished and published. I'd say this year's average is six months for a video bc I simply don't have the time or motivation, and I have too many ideas that I'm trying to pin down.

Looking back at my most recent videos:

Jack & Sam | Champagne Problems.

Started editing / blocking out the video idea: 11/11/21

Published: 11/12/21

(a month feels like such an achievement right now!)

Wanda Maximoff | Out of Televisions.

Started editing: 07/03/21

Published: 14/10/21

What happened here was that I edited most of it, then I ended up working on a lot of other projects for a while before coming back to this bc I knew it was mostly finished and I needed something to post!

Stephen & Christine | I Don't Want You To Go.

Started editing: 02/09/21

Published: 05/09/21

Three days??? This was one of those beautiful moments where I have the idea and the time to sit down and work on it. I had submitted a big deadline for my research on the 1st of September, so I was taking the first week of the month lightly and revisiting hobbies. So, that's why I had the time to make a whole video.

Samantha Carter | Goner.

Started editing: 20/12/20

Published: 28/08/21

oof, this one was going really well and then I thought of a cool parallel for Teal'c and Sam and then I ended up editing something for them instead. Then the new year hit with all the videos I wanted to post, so this got lost until Amanda Tapping's birthday this year.

Roy O'Bannon | Old Town Road.

Started editing: 20/07/21

Published: 21/08/21

This one was technically a v straightforward edit and really only amounted to a few hours of work. But other things (as always) got in the way and this project was zero priority 😂

Loki & Mobius | Trust.

Started editing: 20/06/21

Published: 27/08/21

This one was a tricky one bc I was trying to pull the whole thread of their relationship and parallel it all. My biggest mistake was starting while the series was still airing, bc every single week, I had to adjust it after 1x02. I had given a lot of space expecting more content in 1x03 and then I had to completely readjust the tone after 1x04. Then the ending of the show was so weird and open-ended that I didn't know how to end this video and almost didn't finish it. I know a lot of people edit shows week to week as they're airing but I can't do that, I like knowing and understanding the full arc before I start editing anything.

Marvel | Losing Your Memory.

Started editing: 01/07/21

Published: 18/07/21

Okay so this is the last one I'll talk about bc it was like the only time I've edited cleverly and used my time well. I opened this project at the beginning of July but I knew I didn't have the time to edit it for a while. So, while the idea was fresh in my head, I added the song to the track and then went through the entire thing with markers, adding in notes about what content would go where, so that once I had the free time to make this, the idea wouldn't be gone:

I just did the entire song with markers, closed the project and didn't think any more about it, until I had free time a fortnight later. I sat down for a few hours over two days and filled in all the clips and voiceovers I had marked out. It obviously took some adjusting as clips and voiceovers are never the length you imagine them to be.😂 but this is such an invaluable way to get the inspiration down and plan it even if you don't have the time to make it. Bc when you do have that time, past!you has done all the work.

anyway, that's my rant over. Normally, editing a video will mostly take a few hours a day for a handful of days. It's about actually getting it finished in that time and not getting distracted by other ideas for me😂

My editing timeline looks like this:

I'll definitely be relying more heavily on the markers in future to plot out ideas that I don't have time to make yet! And I've learned my lesson about editing an in-depth tribute to a show as it's actively airing!

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling

Peter Parker x sibling!reader

warnings: bullying mention, blood mention

a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm

prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling

peter and you were playful kids

you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him

but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more

peter was a genius, we all know it

he was the one helping you with your homework most nights

“peter i cant do it!”

“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”

“can i say a cuss word?”

“sure”

“math is shit”

you would cry during homework a lot

you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours

and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed

peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo

you’d play action figures together

he was batman, you were robin always

“can i be batman?”

“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”

“but i wanna be batman!”

peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard

and he’d pick you up on his way home

on half-days your brother taught you how to skate

you fell a lot

aunt may had to patch you up

“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”

peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him

you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!

being his photography assistant

really you were his assistant constantly

science fair was the most boring day of the year

“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”

*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*

you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead

it made you very mad but it was scary, too

“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”

“oh, you know, just happened”

“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”

“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”

lonely when he moved onto high school :/

but you got there soon enough

you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer

just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama

“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”

“uhh, a coke?”

you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt

you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes

“what the hell, parker?!”

“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”

peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed

trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you

sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)

*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”

“which one of them is it this time?”

the principal’s office was a trip sometimes

you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded

“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”

“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”

no you fuckin dont lmaoooo

it was always something with you two

like always

*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”

*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”

“is that my jacket?” -peter

“you mean my jacket?”

“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”

“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”

and then there was just the little annoying things

“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”

*clicks pen faster*

“you’re the worst”

and my personal favorite

“peter, open the door”

“why?”

“emergency”

*opens bedroom door* “what?”

“aunt may is making meatloaf”

“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”

peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say

soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them

he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp

“YOU SNUCK IN??”

“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”

soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen

“peter??”

“yeah? whats up?”

“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”

“it happened to you, too??”

“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”

yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house

it was an adjustment to say the least

and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset

you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt

maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words

peter was covered in his blood still

“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”

when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room

then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out

peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers

sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you

“we match?”

*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”

ah yes, spider-team

you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter

peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you

you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out

“uh—peter punched me”

“y/n???!!!”

“I PANICKED”

just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky

seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst

peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes

“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”

“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”

he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES

yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this

but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him

“thats my brotherrrr!!!”

cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)

you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off

he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time

seeing harry osborn again after YEARS

“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”

“aww, it’s good to see you, too”

electrooooo

this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock

you and peter weren’t equipped for that

it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that

and several other problems

including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own

*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”

*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”

you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad

“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”

*thumbs up to show youre still alive*

but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen

he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried

“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”

she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed

“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”

he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this

the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time

he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while

“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”

“love you too”

you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up

“im coming with you”

“you’re sure?”

“yeah, im sure”

(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //