#well. went to a new dermatologist

[dimsilver]

🏥

[creedslove]

am I really that bad of a person for wanting cheating!Dave?👀👀 (I hate that b of his wife)

Dave York x f!reader

A/N: you are not a bad person, I gotta admit cheating Dave is a guilty pleasure because honestly bestie 🫦

Dave couldn't stand his marriage anymore; he'd been married for way too long, or perhaps it was the woman he married he simply couldn't stand it 

Carol was exhausting, always the same talk, blabbering about the kids and pressuring them so she could fulfill some of her own frustrated dreams through her kids

Dave had a soul crushing job, of course he made a lot of money, which paid for the house, for her brand new car she'd dented a few times for being a bad and careless drivers, it was also Dave's money that afforded all her gym memberships, all her dermatologist appointments, her procedures and brand clothes and make up 

and it still baffled Dave how he paid for all that crap and she didn't seem to get more attractive 

not to mention he paid for all that with a soul crushing job, taking lives was a lot worse than anyone could assume, no matter if he'd been doing that job for a while, it was still depressing, dangerous and exhausting  

so yeah, Dave wasn't very interested in his wife anymore, but it wasn't like Carol was that interested in her husband either; from pressuring the kids and competing with the other stay home moms at school, to her new half of her age personal trainer, she didn't have much time to mind if Dave got home with a blood soaked shirt or if he had a random split lip whenever he went on a business trip

to say their marriage was walking on thin ice was an understatement, they simply couldn't stand each other anymore, and they still played pretend in front their girls, but other than that, Dave had already began sleeping in the guest room

so when he met you: beautiful, sweet, smart and seeming to enjoy his presence and company, it didn't take him much longer to make a move on you

and you enjoyed it, because Dave was so attractive, he was handsome, sexy, mysterious and he always spiked some feelings into you, it didn't take too long for you two to start your affair 

Dave was a dedicated lover, not only in sex, but in everything else he could 

he would take you out at any opportunity, not sparing any money to spoil you; dinners, bottles of wine and champagne, sexy clothes, lingeries, sex toys, flowers, anything you could picture he would give you 

taking you on business trips, when there was no risks so you both would enjoy

also pretending he has endless work meetings or trips but instead taking you to his fishing cabin in order to spend the weekend with you 

randomly receiving nudes from you at the dinner table or during one of Carol's stupid dinner parties and sneaking into the bathroom so he can snap a picture of his cock for you as well 

he enjoys the thrill of his relationship with you, but he'd much rather have you as Mrs.York, being able to have you at any time rather than only secluded places 

____

[liesandmischeif]

Whispers of a new beginning

Part 2

Loki x f!reader

Masterlist

Notes: Part 1 is here

Happy reading!

Warning: teeny weeny argument, language

Two weeks later and Loki still looked blue. He had refused to leave the house or to go to see doctor strange (the irony!). You had moved from feeling cold to feeling frozen, as if someone had forced you to ingest thousands of ice cubes and none of them would melt. It meant you were currently living off of soup and tea (that Loki offered to make at every opportunity, claiming you would burn yourself). And all of your other symptoms seemed to be getting worse. You were irritable, you couldn’t sleep, you threw up in the night and most mornings, although whether this was a response to your newfound abnormal eating habits, you weren’t sure. You had both become very emotional and on edge.

After a week of not feeling well enough (or strong enough to fight Loki) go to work, you realised something had to change.

Eventually a deal was made. 

“If I go to the doctors, you have to too.”

“Fine.”

One portal trip later, and Strange said you were most likely experiencing extreme flu symptoms due to being surrounded by the cold all day every day, the diagnosis given with a pointed look in Loki’s direction. Loki didn’t get any diagnosis.

“But there must be something!” you said. “There’s no way this could happen out of the blue.”

Strange just shrugged “ I couldn’t tell you. They didn’t teach alien biology when I went to school.”

“But you have powers, and knowledge of the multiverse, and –“

“And my time is more valuable than your flu and his abnormal skin” he said. “I’m a surgeon, not a dermatologist. Figure it out.”

He swept out the room without a backward glance, leaving you and your husband looking confused and feeling disregarded.

“Pompous twat” you muttered with distain. “Couldn’t even spare us a minute.”  

Loki looked defeated, and simply began to magic you both back home when an idea struck.

“Wait!” you said, “Why don’t we have a look around? There’s a huge library in here and there’s sure to be something on Jontar.”

Your husband just looked perplexed. “You want to raid the library of the sorcerer supreme?”

“Yeah”

“We’ll get caught”

“That’s half the fun”

He contemplated, then subtly smiled. “One condition.”

“What?”

“Stop complaining about me caring about you. I’m worried. I’m not used to sickness, it’s rare on Asgard, and all I want to do is help you get better.”

You just rolled your eyes. “Sometimes I forget why I married you”

“I love you too, my flu-infested mortal.”

After twenty minutes evading capture from the sorcerers helpers, you and Loki teleport back home with a handful of books. It’s been a week of you both reading and re-reading them, from cover to cover. Nothing helps.

Meanwhile, Loki’s overprotective drive went into hyper-mode. He had convinced himself that you were going to die of the flu, and hadn’t let you get out of bed all week. He had been bringing you meals, books and snacks every day since the visit with strange, and would constantly be by your side. The only time you were alone anymore was when you were using the bathroom. Even then though, he was still hovering around, and you had since caved and let him help you get washed, although mainly because you were feeling too drowsy to do it yourself. You had been trying to work from home, but you kept dozing off through the day, probably because you were sick and had made no effort to do anything during the day. And on the rare occasion that you wanted to get out of bed, Loki immediately vetoed the idea, saying you were far too sick to even consider it.

You realised you had to get out of bed and start doing something when you decided to step on the bathroom scales.

5kg? How on earth did you gain 5kg just by sitting in bed for a week? Illness be damned, you had to do something.

You went back in the bedroom and walked over to the wardrobe.

“What are you doing?” comes the cautious voice of you beloved.

“I’m going for a walk.”

“No my love.” His magic closes the wardrobe door. 

“Yes I am.” The door doesn’t budge. “Loki, open the door.”  

“No chance. You’re sick-“ 

“Open the door!” 

“NO!” He yells. “My love, you are not leaving. You’re sick. You can’t go. What if someone hurt you? What if you got attacked?”

“I am perfectly capable of going for a walk!” You retort “It’s London, it’s not a bloody war field! It does neither of us any good being cooped up here!” 

“It’s not my fault my magic doesn’t work!”

“It’s not mine either, and I’m not a prisoner in my own home! You aren’t going to stop-” Your rant was interrupted. You suddenly felt lightheaded, like you couldn’t breathe. And so, so cold. Like your bones had turned to ice. 

You remember falling to the floor before it all went black. 

 

It’s like everything is floating. You can’t really feel or touch anything. You can’t really open your eyes properly. But you can hear. The sounds are jumbled and confusing, and you should know the words but it’s too hard to discern what they are. The only comfort is in the background, you hear Loki’s soft voice, murmuring words that sound so pretty, even if you don’t understand what he means. It’s him that makes you feel safe. 

You come to in a hospital room. Loki is sitting by your side, holding your hand. The other arm has several needles and an IV drip sticking out of it. You can’t talk, your voice is too raspy, so you settle for a cough. Loki nearly jumps a mile, but when he looks at you, his eyes are bursting with love, like you’re the most precious thing in the universe. He gently moves to cup your face, pressing kisses to your cheeks, nose, forehead, lips, anywhere he can reach. He whispers confessions of love against your skin, and promises you the world. You try to tell him that you love him too, that you’re sorry, but you feel like your throat is drier than a desert. He only leaves to call the nurse, but when he has to step away from you, it feels like the only thing tethering you to sanity has left. You’re crying now, but there’s no tears, just empty, croaky sobs, and his arms around you.

After a while, everything calms down. The nurses check you over and give you some fluids. Loki doesn’t leave, he holds your hand the whole time.  Eventually you find your voice.

“I’m sorry Lo.”

“Don’t apologise love. I understand now.”

“But you were right. You knew there was something wrong, you were trying to protect me.”

Loki just takes a deep breath. “Love, there’s something you need to know.”

“What?”

“When you passed out, I called an ambulance. They wouldn’t let me come with you because I was -and still am, unfortunately-  Jontar.” He explains. “Apparently it goes against standard practice to let aliens in medical buildings. Even now, Stark pulled some strings to arrange for me to be let in. So I couldn’t give them any of your details. They didn’t know anything about you and had to do tests from scratch.”

“Alright...” you say, slightly curious. “But what does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, because your body temperature was so low, they began treating you for hypothermia, but it didn’t work. So they wanted to run more tests to see what was wrong. When all the MRI scans came up negative, they wanted an X-ray, to see if any part of your skull was fractured or if there was anything obstructing the pituitary gland.” You’re getting confused now. Loki looks like he’s on the verge of tears. You give his hand a squeeze and smile.

“Loki, I’m ok-“

“Love, they had to follow procedure. I wasn’t there. So, because you were unconscious, they took a sample to test for pregnancy.”

Your jaw his the floor. “It came back positive” he says.

Everything starts spinning. You feel like you cant breathe, like there’s not enough air in the world to make you feel right again. God, why does it feel like you’re about to pass out, please don’t pass out.

“Love?”

“But... how?” you stutter. “How Loki? We never... I have an implant. It couldn’t...”

“Apparently your records say your implant was fitted too long ago for it still to be active. We just didn’t realise.”

You are scared to look at him. You don’t know what he’ll say. You’ve never really considered anything like this.

“Darling? Are you alright?” he asks gently.

“I don’t know.” You begin to fidget until his hands cover yours. “I don’t know Loki. It just feels so... sudden.”

“There’s something else. Jontar biology and mating rituals are closely linked. The baby is causing you to make the hormonal equivalent of nerve depressant. It’s common on Jotenhiem for the female to spend pregnancy in a sort of hibernation, only waking once food reserves had run out.” He says. “I may also have broken into Strange’s library. Again.”

“But humans don’t hibernate?” you point out.

“No love, but they do get tired and stay in bed all day. And the males are responsible for collecting food and protecting the mate. Hence the change in routine and” he gestures to himself “skin colour.”

“Oh” you stutter. “That... makes sense.”

There’s a pause. Neither of you know quite what to say. You’re just digesting all the information thrown at you. And there’s so many conversations that need to be had and questions that need to be asked. You’ve wanted kids, and you want them with him, you just haven’t said anything. You had assumed it wouldn’t be possible, with the two of you being not only different species but from a different planet. Having swept it under the rug for so long, now that it’s staring you in the face, you can’t feel anything but fear. So when you do finally find your voice, you just turn to him and ask “What do we do?”

“What do you mean love?”

“I mean... we have a baby. I’m pregnant. I don’t... how do you feel? About ... everything?”

He takes a deep breath. “I actually feel... good. I’m less terrified and more so at the same time. Now I know what’s happening, I can keep you safe, and help you better. You’re pregnant. We’re having a baby. And even though that is absolutely petrifying, I’m happy. How... how do you feel?”

“Erm... scared. Confused. Exited. Nervous. Very nervous. And I don’t know anything about frost giants. And I don’t know what to do, I mean, how am I supposed to get through pregnancy and have a life if I can’t get out of bed for the next... how far along am I?”

“They think 7 weeks.” He says, “but I’m not sure how long Jontar pregnancies last. I can only assume it will default to the midguardian timings, since it’s growing at the same rate a human would.”

“So we have… 7 more months. And then, we have a baby.”

The two of you sit there in silence, pondering the next steps and the new life growing inside you. And you realise you feel… ok. You trust Loki. You know he’s scared, but he would do anything for you. And for your child. And you have ultimately to wanted children with him from the start, it just wasn’t expected to happen like this. But you want this. A new person in your small family, your child. 

“I love you. And I want our baby.” You say “I want everything, as long as it’s with you. I need you to want this too.” 

He lets out a sigh of relief. “I was hoping you’d say that. I love you too, and I want to give it to you. Everything that the nine realms has to offer.” 

And so, your family of three was born. 

[wordnerdworld]

NaClYoHo 2024 Goals

Hello Salty Pirate Pals!

I figured I'd start the month off by identify some goals for what I'd like to accomplish this year. Some of these are priorities. Others are maybes depending on how I feel and what I have time for.

Priorities

Maintenance chores--These are my regular chores that I do throughout the year. I started using a chore app to help me spread these out and perform them consistently vs. trying to clean my entire apartment all at once (usually right before going out of town). It's been working really well for me, but I recently got busy at work and went out of town, so things have piled up a bit. Time to get things back in order.

RoomBabe Maintenance--I find having a robot vacuum really helpful. But for it to work well, I need to go in and check all of its filters and bits and bobs. Gotta take care of the babe.

Undecorate/Redecorate--Time to put the Halloween stuff away, which will probably involve purging some things I don't like/use.

Shoe Swap--Time to put away summer shoes.

Finish Wardrobe Changeover--I've already made a good bit of progress on this. Time to finish it up. Will combine this with purging/donating/transporting a few things.

Donate Items--Go through books/DVDs/games/puzzles and identify things to get rid of.

Car Detailing--I've been meaning to get my car (especially the interior) detailed for aaaaaages. For me, my car is just the thing I use to get to work, run errands, etc. I don't particularly care how it looks. But the highly-smudged windows are starting to drive even me crazy. It also needs a general maintenance checkover, oil change, and if I find someone to do a few body repair things, cool.

Doctors--For various reasons, I haven't been to a doctor in a really, really, really long time. My depression is definitely getting worse and contributes a lot to my executive dysfunction and exhaustion. I need to schedule a primary care doc, some head docs, a mammogram, and a dermatologist. If anyone has tips on how to get back on the healthcare horse when you are one Seriously Depressed Bitch who was taught Poor Health Means You Are a Failure, I'd appreciate it.

Maybes

Mending--I have a few items that need fixing.

Jewelry Cleaning--Bought some cleaning cloths and tarnish remover last month to bring my jewelry back to life so I'll wear more of it.

Organize/Relocate Tea Stash--The new location I put it in isn't working for me (too high), so I need to rethink things.

Gift Lists--'tis the season for annual gifting and getting; need to figure out a few things

That's all for now, which seems like plenty, since work is still very much A Thing that eats most of my life.

[mirageofadesert]

"That's just how it is sometimes", said my doctor

When my mother spoke about her pregnancy, she always described it as a wonderful experience. In reality, it was far from magical. She hid her pregnancy from those around her, moved to a new city without any financial support to complete her studies. She avoided pregnancy preparation courses because she didn’t want to be influenced by the fears and worries of others. She had faith in God, or so she says. After nine months, I was born in a farmhouse that had been converted into a shared apartment for students, in the room of my future stepfather, above the pigsty.

My reality is different. No God, no faith that everything will just be okay. Instead, constant nausea, stomach pains, and worries. I knew that pregnancy wasn't as easy as everyone tried to make me believe, and thanks to the internet, I vaguely knew about the absurd consequences that pregnancy can have on the female body. And yet, I am happy – even though I don’t feel well.

But for the first time in my life, that’s not a big deal. Even though every day is a struggle, and I have to use almost all my energy to plan my meals and get through the day with as little pain as possible, it’s bearable. Because I know that my child is growing inside me. And because I know that this condition is not permanent.

But there’s something else. A certain sense of satisfaction and the knowledge that I was right. For many years, I regularly went to doctors (male) and described my complaints in my stomach and digestive tract. They conducted examinations but ultimately found nothing. The diagnosis always varied from "that's just how it is sometimes" to "stress." Stress as the main explanation increased after I developed anxiety disorders during the Corona pandemic. Suddenly, all my agonizing symptoms were simply caused by my mental health. As if it were all in my head.

And yet… why did my symptoms subside when I stop taking the pill? Why was my skin a disaster and my hair thinning if this can't be hormonally related, even though it only happens after stopping the pill? Again, it’s all stress, and sometimes it’s just how it is, the doctors (male) said. For many women, these issues disappear during pregnancy, said my dermatologist, though sometimes they get worse.

For me, it has gotten worse. Everything has gotten worse. Hair, skin, digestion. Because it’s about hormones. BECAUSE IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT HORMONES. For years, they tried to convince me that I couldn’t read my own body. That my body observations were even pathological. And now suddenly the connections between female hormones and my complaints are known?!

And yet… I was right. Being a female-read person in the healthcare system is such a wonderful experience.

[vintage-london-images]

We have all seen or heard of Cleopatra's Needle on the Thames Enbankment, but how did it get there? Well to start with the obelisk known as Cleopatra’s Needle has actually very little to do with Cleopatra at all.

So it was originally presented to Great Britain in 1819 by the then great ruler of Egypt and Sudan, Muhammed Ali, in commemoration of the victory by Lord Nelson at the Battle of the Nile and the later victory of Sir Ralph Abercromby  at the Battle of Alexandria in 1801. Although the British government welcomed the gesture, it actually declined to pay to move the obelisk to London at that time, so the obelisk which is originally one of two made in Egypt for the Pharaoh Thotmes III in 1460 BC, making it almost 3,500 years old was to stay in Egypt for now.

So step up Sir William James Erasmus Wilson, a distinguished anatomist and dermatologist and Egyptian antiquities enthusiast who in 1877 decided to sponsor the obelisks transportation to London from Alexandria. So how was he going to do it? Well following consultation with his friend Mathew William Simpson, a railway and locomotive engineer, it was decided they would float it back to England.

It was encased in an amazing iron cylinder, which was then rolled by means of levers and chains down a track into the sea. It was fitted with a deckhouse, mast, rudder and steering gear and was to be manned by a crew of Maltese sailors. This craft or pontoon was named Cleopatra and was to be towed to Britain by the steamship Olga.

So on the 21st September 1877 they set of for Britain but they found that the Olga could only make 7 knots whilst towing the occasionally manned pontoon, and everything went well until the 14th October when the effort met with near disaster when they encountered a storm in the Bay of Biscay. The Cleopatra pontoon began wildly rolling, and became uncontrollable. The Olga sent out a rescue boat with six volunteers, but the boat capsized and all six crew members were drowned, it was decided to cut the tow ropes to save the Olga, and it was thought the obelisk was lost.

But it wasn't to be, the Cleopatra pontoon stayed afloat and was sighted four days later and taken in tow by a Spanish ship which took it to a Spanish harbour. A salvage claim was lodged it is said for £2000 and this was later paid. The paddle tug Anglia was hired to collect and tow the Cleopatra pontoon to London and it eventually arrived on the 21st January 1878.

So what a story. The men tragically lost at sea are commemorated on a plaque at the base of the needle, which was eventually erected at the new Victoria Embankment and dedicated on the 12th September 1878, nearly a year after leaving Alexandria. Interestingly the needles twin made its way to New York were it resides today, but that is another story.

Coming up to date, there have been calls in recent years to have both obelisks as well as other artifacts returned to Egypt, we will see what the future holds.

[donnerpartyofone]

I can't believe I'm about to do this. I mean don't get too excited, it's not interesting, I'm just forced to talk about it because that's the only power I have in this stupid situation.

A couple weeks ago I was prescribed this new asthma medication, even though my problem is almost definitely from muscular-skeletal pressure but nobody can figure that out yet, so for now I just have this inhaler so I'm not constantly suffocating. The first time I took it at the recommended dosage I had a bad panic attack that took me out for an entire day. I reduced the dosage so I didn't feel dangerously insane anymore, but it still causes my fucking rosacea to go completely out of control, which is not really something I can just ignore; it drives me crazy that insurance companies just treat rosacea like it's some fancy cosmetic issue, as if it doesn't affect your entire life when your skin is visibly deteriorating at an escalating rate, but that's another story... So anyway I have a giant bag of medications that either didn't work at all or actively harmed me (my typical experience with everything) that I haven't disposed of yet, so I dug around in there for a tube of Rhofade that like I don't even know how I got it because it's the premiere celebrity-endorsed thing and it's psychotically expensive, but anyway I decided to give it another shot because I'm desperate. First couple days it worked great. I thought all my problems were solved, except that I'd have to find a way to keep paying for it. Then it seemed not so great for a couple days. Then things started to get pretty rocky. I wondered if it had to do with not being careful enough in the sun or what, but I started to worry about the medication, so I did something that will sound insane, but oh well.

Months ago I complained to my GP that I was having a hard time finding a "real dermatologist" in the city, as opposed to a salesperson for predatory beauty treatments. I've been treated pretty badly by a variety of dermos over 15 years, I often had the feeling that I was neglected because I had a medical concern as opposed to like an expensive anti-aging concern or something. Sometimes a dermo advertises themselves as a medical professional, but when you get there you realize they're a glorified beautician and you're fucked. I went to a well-reviewed practice that's now called The Dermatology Specialists several times, and every time there was a mad rush to get rid of me. The actual head of the clinic saw me a couple times, and both times he came running at me with a needle without telling me what he was doing, to try to lance a mole that I wasn't there to discuss. One of these was right over my eye and you can imagine how scary this was. I eventually realized I didn't have to take that shit and swore him off. Years later when I decided to look for a dermo in my new neighborhood, I made an appointment at a "new" place that I realized too late was the same guy; he had rebranded and expanded his thing into a giant chain that's all over the city, like half or more of the dermos in my searches are attached to his practice and it's not always obvious until the appointment is made. Fuck. I thought, maybe things will be different at this location, I'm seeing a new person and I'm the only one in the waiting room, seems pretty chill. I actually had to get a mole removed that time. I sat down with the new doctor who frantically explained what she was going to do to me before saying "OK BYE!!!" and racing out the door, which she had almost closed all the way behind her before she remembered that she still had to actually do the procedure. I couldn't believe I'd fallen for this clinic's bullshit yet again!

So that's when I talked to my GP and she wrote me a referral for what I took to be a real doctor. His office was clean, simple, and unpretentious. When I got there, an exiting patient was thanking the doctor profusely for something, like from the depths of his soul. We sat down together and he calmly denounced all the lasers and other expensive snake oil that had been upsold to me over the years. He told me to scale back to just a basic Aveeno face wash and moisturizer, and I was so relieved that he wasn't some greedy hipster asshole...however. He also told me that the active ingredient in Afrin, an OTC decongestant nasal spray, has the same effects as the top of the line rosacea medication Rhofade, and many of his patients have success just applying it to their skin. I was so impressed that he wasn't trying to sell me anything, and that he was empowering me to just take care of my own shit at home, that I believed him.

So flashing forward to the past week: I use this new inhaler that I need if I want to breathe, my face blows up like a bomb, I try Rhofade and it seems to make things worse...and then I buy some Afrin and put it on. It pretty much burned my face off my skull. My skin was purple and my face completely changed shape for more than 24 hours. I thought, at least I have this cold pack that's made for faces, for swelling from dental surgery and shit (it was recommended to me by my TMJ specialist who is also fucking with me right now but that's another story). I applied it, and it made everything a thousand times worse than it had ever been. I had to cancel all my plans. I took Tylenol, antihistamines, drank tons of water, whatever I thought would help. A colloidal oatmeal-based moisturizer kind of did something for me, but not remotely enough. It's a couple days later, now, and I'm still not completely over it, and I'm having random intense and painful flareups. I've never had exactly this problem before. And by the way "just using a moisturizer" has not helped anything at all this entire time, even though it's the advice I always get (sometimes VERY rudely) no matter what I say. Dry skin is not my problem, someone could tell just from touching it. Just being mindful of the sun and trigger foods and shit is not the answer. I know there's something else going on and like nobody cares to find out.

So anyway I'm having a followup appointment with my GP to explain all this...and in the meantime I'm going back to the fucking snake oil clinic. I just absolutely need something for right now, I don't know if it will be an antibiotic or what. I've spent years looking for a real medical dermatologist and I know I'm not going to just find one overnight, so I'm subjecting myself to more humiliation at the most convenient place, and I'll deserve whatever I get I guess. At least my appointment is with a guy I haven't seen before. Cross your fingers for me that he doesn't give me something else that just melts my face off of my face.

[flamingdiva]

I went to a different dermatologist about the lump on my arm today and the difference between her and the other one I went to is like night and day

The first one glanced at my arm and declared it a scar then asked if I had any questions. It was so jarring because I thought he would at least examine it plus his tone was so commanding like he was daring me to argue with him.

The one today examined it. She looked at it through a device, measured it, asked questions, then explained to me what it likely is and how they form. Reassured me that both of the things she talked about were benign. She even brought one of the surgeons in to get his opinion and talk about the two types of procedures they do to remove it and which one he'd do.

Well worth me pushing through my anxiety about requesting another referral and going to a new place

[thedurvin]

This blog tends to be "look what I found and/or made up" rather than anything personal, to the point that even my mutuals don't know about massive things happening in my life. So here's an overview of 2023. TLDR it started great and then increasingly sucked.

My wife Chelsea and I had been talking about becoming polyamorous for a while, so in February when a good friend of hers came out as wanting to get together with her, it worked out great. As the year went on, it turned out they like each other a lot and Chelsea is more gay than bi, so it looks like we're getting a divorce.

We keep saying we want to stay besties but I still can't get a straight answer out of them about whether or not I get to keep living in the house Chelsea and I bought together a few years ago. I hope so because I've been an unemployed house-husband since 2021 and nobody's been even opening the job apps I've submitted. So that's fun

Everything else feels pretty minor compared to all that!!!

My dermatologist gave me yet another "well it's not exactly cancer but let's go ahead and remove this mole just to be safe" scare, but the good news is I got some clear answers about cystic acne and it turns out topical antibiotics work WAY better than pimple care stuff, so might be feeling better about that at least

Experimented with presenting more nonbinary and it felt okay but then I saw some candid photos and I'm definitely hotter as a dude. Like I know Tumblr likes to be supportive and all but I looked like a Portlandia character

I started the year not just submitting my first piece to an actual physical art show but also taking first place in it (hence why I was feeling so confident at the beginning of the year to agree to point number one), and since then I've submitted repeatedly and nobody's wanted to show anything, so now I've got a room full of junk and half-finished installations with no idea what to do with any of it

Published my first video game to thunderous shrugs; I had a great time and work continues, but with points one and two in this list I've been having trouble feeling motivated to do the hard work of programming because it is HARD. Apparently I need to learn vector calculus to make something move in a circle?

The bright point of the year was Kevin joining the family. He's a cute little cat, friendly and playful and probably the least independent cat I've ever had, so it's been nice having somebody so distracting running around the house wanting my affection

[robinsnest2111]

was prepared to plow through several chapters of new moon while waiting at the dermatologist today BUT GUESS WHAT

got called up not even 10 minutes into waiting, appointment went super quick as well, even got my blood drawn in under 5 minutes and was on my merry way before 10am.

picked up my meds and some groceries on the way home and it's not even 10.30am yet lmao

[sevenrenny]

Went to the dermatologist today. New doctor. Had to fill her in on my list of health issues, medications, history with doctors, and so on. We bonded over the fact we both had chronic migraines. She was very nice.

She asked about my past dermatologists, and while I was explaining, keep in mind I was very tired cause I'd waited two and a half hours in the waiting room. I was already deep in burnout and recovering from a respiratory issue and a mild migraine.

I had no spoons left to mask in public and looked bored as heck while explaining to her, "One doc said it's eczema, but he didn't even look at me and I know what eczema looks like so forget him. One said it's sunburn. Not sunburn.

"One said it might be fungus and did a skin scrape. I got the results via phone call that it's not fungus. Went back and asked to see Doctor Mariam or whatever her name was back then, and the front desk told me they didn't have a Mariam-or-whatshername. I showed him the paper from the other day I got at the hospital that clearly had her name on it. He looked her up on his system, couldn't find her or something cause he just told me she doesn't work here. So I guess I had a ghost doctor or she went to Mars or something cause my doctor told me I had no fungus and then vanished.

"Found another dermatologist who told me to lift up my shirt to check then proceeded to grab my tits to do a surprise breast exam but that's a whole other thing. Didn't go back. Then there was my last doctor-- said it could be an autoimmune thing but stated, 'Honestly, I have no idea what this is.' And I'm kinda glad said he's clueless rather than pretending he knows. Last doctor to check on my skin was maybe two years ago."

Think I mentioned some other stuff and my ADHD derailed the topic into other things but I forgot about what. My dermatologist morphed between laughing and having this mortified 'wtf' look on her face.

she asked to do a skin scrape to look for ''′spaghetti and meatballs′"

I thought I misheard, cause she casually talking with me in Arabic but then switched to English to say ′spaghetti and meatballs′. Apparently, that's what they call it when they look for fungus and such under a microscope.

She confirmed, "You have meatballs."

Diagnosed with meatballs. I went from eczema to sunburn to fungus-but-no-not-fungus to tiddie-McGrabby to autoimmune disease-but-who-knows to meatballs.

Even though Dr. Ghost Mariam said I did not have meatballs. Fungus. But I'm still unsure if she even existed so her credibility doesn't have a leg to stand on, I think.

I've been misdiagnosed a billion times but I'm more confident this might be it. I don't think a doctor who has no idea what they're doing would've had the self-assurance to tell me I'm positive for meatballs like that. Gonna go on a pill later to see how well that works.

Note: it's called Tinea versicolor (severe with me cause, according to the doctor, I went so long without proper treatment so it sticks out) but I didn't mention it because she said meatballs and I'm still stuck on that.

Second note: Not associated with the topic but I came home after the appointment to find out we got robbed lol (my stuff and the cats are okay. Just my dad's stuff got stolen, and I don't like him much so that's okay.)

[lilly-onthevalley]

📍Products from my June

Dark Self-Tanner

I've been loving self tanning. My skin is dark but it does have some parts of hyper pigmentation and discolouration that come about naturally. Bondi Sands Dark and Extra Dark are my favourite. Many black women are skeptical about self tanner and if it will work on them, so I decided to test it out. After 10 hours I noticed a new glow added to my skin plus a lovely long lasting coconut fragrance. It covered some of my vitiligo marks and lessened the appearance of some other blemishes. It evened out my skin tone in such a beautiful way. I tanned right before a golf competition and my skin looked bright and perfectly browned under the sun, I was so happy with the results and I received lots of lovely feedback. Definitely something I'll be doing for the rest of my life.

After that I went on to tan my face. It did burn a little bit however I have the backing of a dermatologist so I had no worries. I loved the results as well. It made my face a bit darker than normal, like I was laying in the sun for an hour or 2. I loved the results as it covered a decent amount of yellowness in my face. I overall looked healthier, however, it got rid of the dimensions of my face. My naturally light undereyes and upper eyebrows and naturally dark eye lids and cheek bone areas were all blended into one colour. I had no problem with the flat doll look but I had to alter my makeup routine to add some dimension when I wanted it.

Tom Ford Fruity Fragrances

I used to hate Tom Ford Fragrances with a passion till I smelt one of them on my guy friends. My problem used to be with the fact that when you sprayed something like Bitter Peach, what you would get was a Bitter Peach smell, nothing more, nothing less. Tom Ford seemed like something boring and jarring.

I couldn't get the fragrance out of my head which obviously reflected that I had some internal hypocrisy going on. I decided to go get myself some of my most hated to try them out. Lost Cherry, Bitter Peach (of course), Rose Prick and Tobac .V.

Long story short, my ignorance was thwarted and I saw the light. The Fragrances melted with my chemistry and made a completely different perfume than the one that's stuck in the bottle. Moreover, I found so many layering opportunities because of the monotony of the perfumes. I love smelling sweet, so I found a way to turn up the sweetness in all of these so that they fit my dream.

Zimmerman

I've finally fully caught onto the Zimmerman wave, I know I'm terribly late, but better late than never. I absolutely love the vibe of Zimmerman. It reminds me of a Midsummer fever dream. They're colourful, pretty and lovely. Definitely my style and the clothing is petite friendly. Not too long and not too short. I can tell I will definitely be purchasing more.

MAC Blushes

Breath of plum and Fleur Power have been my favourite editions to my makeup collection. They're just pink enough for me. I'm into the extremely flushed look these days and MAC has done it for me perfectly. It lasts long, the feedback has been wonderful, I just love it so so much. I think I'm emotionally tied to them. Honestly, the pigment is wonderful and long lasting. I'm glad to find an affordable blush that doesn't disappear on dark skin.

🩷

[lightandwinged]

So I have to rant about a health thing and it's related to dieting and weight loss/things around that, so if that's a triggering subject for you, either ignore this or if you really want to read it, read with knowledge that this is the subject matter at hand.

You see, I entered my medical group's nonsurgical bariatric program this month.

This isn't something I was planning on doing just yet, mostly because I believe firmly that physical health and mental health go hand-in-hand, and while I do want to get my physical health figured out, I'm trying to blow apart the kinks with my mental health right now, which is a process. I'm doing EMDR to work through some fucked up traumatic memories, and it's working wonders, but it's exhausting and hard work.

BUT then I went in to my primary because my ability to have an orgasm has dwindled to near zero in recent months. And not going into too much detail about that, but considering my history of spinal injury, that's a huge red flag, so my primary for once got really alarmed when I told her something and asked me to come in.

My primary is not very good with fat people. I've had primaries who are good with fat people, who've sort of said, "yeah, your BMI isn't where I'm supposed to say it is, but you're otherwise perfectly healthy, so let's talk about what you came in here for today," and they're great. This primary... well, she hears out my complaint but wants to mostly focus on my weight the whole time. Like as little as possible on the complaint (e.g., "that spot looks like a mole, so here's a referral to the dermatologist. Now, they did weigh you when you came in, and I noticed that...") and most of it on my weight. It's annoying.

And this time was no exception. She's concerned about my migraines and loss of sensation, so she gave me referrals to neurology and PT and then we started talking about my weight. She asked if I still drank Dr. Pepper (which I was like, "yeah, but I'm not fucking him, so what does this have to do with my orgasms?") and then offered to refer me to the practice's nonsurgical bariatric program, and I said sure, because I wanted her to leave me alone.

And so far, it's not great. The advice they have for weight loss is the kind of shit you can find on any Reddit thread about Lizzo. It's the kind of bland, soulless one-size-fits-all diet approach that I could get without subjecting myself to copays--shit like "aim for no more than 1200-1500 calories a day and exercise at least 150 minutes a week" which literally, you google "diet" and there it is, that exact advice.

And it's not what I want. I know that I have issues with food. I stress eat, and I eat my safe foods in order to keep some semblance of order in my chaotic life. I've developed a fear of wasting food for some reason (it never used to exist; I used to be like "mm, two bites was enough noodle"), and so I tend to wolf down way more food than I should because I don't want to throw any away, especially if it's something I really like. Being autistic, I have very beige safe foods because the foods that are the same taste and temperature every time tend to be beige and super processed. My relationship with vegetables and fruits is fraught. And though I've never LIKED doing a lot of moving around (and living on a hill that's at a 45 degree angle doesn't help that), the trauma of my spinal injury really made it terrifying for me, like if I do too much in the wrong way, I'll be screaming for my life in the back of an ambulance again.

In other words, I know what my issues are. And what I want is to have a healthy relationship with food. I want to eat for the joy of it, not for a hit of dopamine or to wolf down a plate of pasta carbonara bigger than my face because I'm afraid of it being wasted. I want to enjoy the flavors of the foods I eat and savor them and embrace everything that food is besides fuel: it's joy, it's community, it's art, it's culture. I want to feel the way I've felt when eating a new dish so very often. I want to embrace vegetables and fruits. And I want to move. I want to hike all the gorgeous paths nearby. I want to dance without getting super tired. I want to walk around the city without hurting.

But this program.

They gave us a handbook, and the moralization of food is just. Everywhere. Salmon good. Kale good. Egg good. But god forbid you have a slice of cake at a coworker's birthday party. The handbook writes about it, "too bad about the cake, but you'll do better the rest of the day." When we had group therapy the other day, two participants had just gone on vacation and were beating themselves up for not eating "good" on vacation (not "well" because eating well and eating good are two different things). They kept lamenting how they were bad for eating at restaurants because they couldn't control what was in the food, and I was like... if we were all way thinner, our therapist would be telling us to stop sweating it, so wtf?

But instead, the therapist talked about whether this was a "lapse" in judgment or a "relapse" into eating bad. And I do get that food is an addiction in a lot of times and that learning to not binge eat or eat mindlessly is very important. I'm working on mindful eating myself. But lord almighty, I'm not going to self flagellate over going to a nice restaurant on vacation because I couldn't see how much salt was going in the dish. For me, the victory on vacation would be having that dish I couldn't control because I wouldn't know what was in it and trying something new and maybe even liking it.

I just. nngh. I don't love being fat. I miss buying straight size clothes and not feeling like I take up too much space and not feeling like my ass needs a "wide load" sign on it. But if I lose weight, I want it to be from a healthy and sustainable place, not from a place of hyper control. I have negative interest in weighing myself every day, as they suggest. I have negative interest in even thinking about losing weight when I travel. I want a healthy relationship with food, but this isn't it, not by a long shot.

[medstudent03]

My Six Week Plan!

So this week was a bit of a mixed bag. How well each goal went definitely depended on the day.

Skin!

I managed to get a dermatologist appointment right at the start of the week, and she prescribed me some new antibiotics and a new topical gel. I only managed to maintain the skincare routine for about half the week, but I took the antibiotics the whole time. My skin doesn't really look any better, but new skincare stuff never works straight away.

Academics!

I didn't get as much work done this week as I had planned, so I've adjusted my plan accordingly. There's not really much else to say, except that my exams are still two weeks away and I'll definitely be ready for them.

Weight!

This one really went south. Those meal shakes I was counting on tasted awful, and I ended up stopping with them. I did try to stay within a deficit, but that got especially difficult towards the end of the week because I started having really bad chronic pain flare ups. Right now I'm at about 75kg, and my goal weight is 60kg (or as close as I can get!).

So yeah, not an amazing week, but that happens sometimes. For next week, I'm going to get back into my skincare habit, put more energy into note-taking and revising, and using Slimmingworld's healthy frozen meals instead of the shakes. I also have a massage booked for next Tuesday, and tomorrow I'm going to make another GP appointment to talk about my flare ups. Here's to things going better next week!

See you next week! 🩷

[pbandjesse]

Me and James are on our way home from Jess's house. It has been a very long but very fun day.

I am looking forward to going home and cleaning myself up but it was seriously a really good day. I didn't sleep amazing but that is okay. I woke up before my alarm and gave myself an extra couple minutes. My nose was still hurting really bad but I got up and tried my best to shake off my bad feelings. I braided my hair because it was dirty. I hope to wash it tonight. But I actually felt really pretty today. That was really nice.

James had packed me a little lunch. And told me they were going to work on taking down the bedroom decorations today. So when I come home tonight it's going to be really. Empty. But I'm glad they were handling that. I really appreciated it.

They would meet me at Hunt Valley so we could go to meet Jess. But that was hours away.

I would have a nice drive in. I actually was in a really great mood. And when I got to camp I was excited to see two of my packages were there! I loaded those in the car and brought in the packages that weren't for me. And got ready to do some work.

I checked my emails. And did some drawing. I actually answered the phones. 3 different times! I was able to help the first person, but the second one I had to pass off to Heather literally as she walked in the door. I felt bad about that but I did not know how to help that person. I do now thankfully. And everyone I spoke to was really nice. And it was nice to be able to help some people.

I had a nice time drawing for a bit. But I also worked on my meal plan ideas. Combining it with Heather's paper she gave me last week, I was able to make a chart with standard, vegetarian, vegan, and gluten free versions of hair about everything. I also made sure everything was nut and pork free. I really hope this helps because man. Wouldn't it be lovely if the food was better this year.

Once everyone was in me and Sarah moved the gold filing cabinet out of the office and carried the standing desk in. And I would just do a lot of typing and writing and it was a good day.

Me and Elizabeth clowned on Sarah for not know what a blackberry was. Heather left us briefly to go to the dermatologist. Alexi was busy with meeting but I got to talk to her about the house and how excited I am. It was a fun morning.

And it honestly went pretty quick. Soon it was noon. And then it was 1230 and it was time for me to go get James. I said goodbye to everyone and headed to Hunt Valley.

James had waited for me at Wegmans, where they had gotten a sandwich. We swapped and I got to be the passenger so I could eat my leftover chipotle, which I had microwaved right before I left camp. And it was really fun just talking to James and eating my food and enjoying the drive.

I would end up falling asleep for a little bit. James said I snored just a little. I woke up about 5 minutes before we got to Jess's house.

It was so nice to see her. We made excellent time and got there around 215. She still has work until 3 so we just hung out in the living room. It was great seeing the changes she's made in the house since I was there last. She installed new ceiling fans yesterday and she gave us the old one from the one room so we have that now which is exciting. She also had gifts for me!!

Besides the Disney stuff (adorable green fluffy mini ears and my magic band), she also got me glass bear earrings that are so darling and I put on right away, the cherub hair clip I had wanted for Christmas but didn't get, as well as a beautiful moth one as well, and two Dr Pepper candles! Amazing. She's such a wonderful friend and she got me such lovely gifts.

We would hang out in the living room for a while. But a little after 3 it was time for us to go!! Tattoo time!

The tattoo artist we worked with today was very sweet, but also very young. 21! Brand new! She was really nice and good to work with but also her line work is a little shaky. Which is fine. But could be improved on later. I think they will heal well and spread a little and that will hide some of the wobbles.

I got to go first and I had the most changes in the end. Asking for line weight variation. I really think they are super fun though and she said I sat really well. The only real issue I have is the kitty tattoo I got. His face is not correct. It's going to be simple fixes later but I didn't notice until after she was cleaned up that he kind of looks angry. But it was to late to do anything about it today. She offers free touch ups and she can fix it in a few weeks.

Sitting was fine though. Like it hurt but it wasn't horrible. I had to lay on my belly for most of it and we had some nice chats but mostly I was just in my head and holding my hand.

But I think the adrenaline drop after just hit me really hard because I got so stupidly upset. I was really really upset inside and texting James about it just trying to talk it out. And I'm fine now!! But in the hour after the tattoos were done I was trying very hard to not cry and to just hold it together. I'm not shocked, this has happened before, but it still caught me off guard in the moment.

Jess went next and hers seemed to be a lot more painful. She got some really cute pieces, a strawberry candy, Mr DNA, a little heart, her shrimp. The Mr DNA she also got colored in but man it seemed painful. She was making some choice faces. I even had to hold her hand! Ouch! Leg tattoos just seem like to much for me.

James would go last. They were originally going to get the bike chain over their collarbone but because of the metal in there she wasn't sure that was a good idea so they got it on the back of their arm instead and I honestly think it looks so good. They also got a bike gear, their shrimp, and they got matching peanut butter and jelly jars with me!! I'm excited to have matching tattoos now.

We had lots of laughing and story telling while we waited for each other. And in the end we got wrapped up, paid, and headed out.

We went to get some dinner. And it was a little loud in this tavern but it was still fun. They had trivia going and it was fun to guess things. Js.ds also brought a thought problem about red flags that was fun to talk about. And I was just really happy with my favorite people.

I tried avocado fries which were a bit to soft and I will save them for tomorrow and put them on a sandwich instead.

I was having fun but I was also getting tired. Jess took us back to her house. Made James a coffee. And we said goodbye. But it won't be long! We will be back in Saturday. Amazing.

Me and James are half way home now. And when we get back there I am going to wash my hair and go to sleep. I hope the apartment doesn't cause me to much stress. Tomorrow after work we will move more stuff over to the house. And that will feel good.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Take care of yourselves. Goodnight!!

[valiantwombatpanda]

Things I've recently noticed in my attempted glow up Era. List is kinda long... sorry!

1. I took a photo of my body a year ago and compared it to a photo taken yesterday.. I was 4 pounds lighter in the first picture but the muscles and how toned my stomach looks now??? Crazzyyy what a little toning can do. I look so much better.

2. I took some spicy pictures, and my arms are twigs.

3. I want to be SKINNYYY but I also want a butt. I hate hate hate exercise so I'm going to have to suck it up cuz at this point, I need muscle there since I clearly don't have the fat.

4. I cleaned out my closet for the first time since High school and I realized being 23 and living in NY, it's time to up my fashion from Baggy jeans and oversized sweaters to maybe something a bit classier. I'm going for elegant but still has fun. Being so close to my goal weight, I'm confident in shopping a size down knowing it will fit me and it's time to wear clothes flattering to my body shape.

5. Motivation and discipline are not the same thing and in my opinion, discipline is more important than Motivation. You can be motivated all you want... but do you have the discipline to achieve it?

6. Water. Water. Water!!!! Fat cells don't go away. So as an example, my starting weight was 108 and I am now 90. All the fat cells I have from being 108 are still there but "deflated." That's why it's so easy to gain weight and so hard to lose. Water weight is temporary and will go away. It's just those cells "swelling" up. One day you'll wake up 2 pounds lighter and it's because those fat cells that were replaced with water finally let it all go.

7. Nobody can tell if you've lost or gained 5 pounds.

8. I struggled with cystic acne my entire teen life and even into my early 20s. I was probably the queen of pimple creams. You want to try a new product? I've already tried it and here's my experience. I went to countless dermatologists and was even given medicated treatments and antibiotics. They made my acne WORSE. I learned, at least for me, that SIMPLE products work best. I use an organic goat milk soap bar, vitamin c moisturizer, and literally a misting of sunscreen on my face and haven't had a zit bigger than a pinprick in over a year and they've all been cycle related. Also, removing the peach fuzz from your face helps with oil and dirt

9. If you're like me and enjoy BOILING showers, please do not wash your hair or face in hot water. Washing your face should be the first and last step when showering. Allow the steam to open your pores and then switch the water to Luke warm to wash, cold to rinse... same with your hair! Cold water onllyyy and do not dry with a towel. A simple cotton shirt is so much better for it.

10. Whitening your teeth doesn't have to cost much at all. Crest 3D Whitening strips do the job very well or you can take a banana peel as it's turning from green to yellow and rub the inside of the peel on your teeth. Worked wonders for me when I couldn't afford Whitening strips.

11. 3 basics I do everyday to be put together. If someone were to knock on my door, I should feel comfortable enough in my appearance to open it. Always have your hair done in some kind of way (pony, half up, claw clipped, even a messy bun), always have on clean clothes (yes pj's are fine but remember if someone knocked, are your pj's matching? Flattering? Or do you look messy and lazy?) Always have your teeth brushed and face put together.

12. Get off your phone. Get offfff yourrrr phone!!! I see so many people in public with their heads down watching their phone, or at a table and they have their phone out, or walking with a group of friends and they all have phones. Phones can enhance an experience (a museum offering a guided tour) and that's fine! But I hate the amount of full grown adults walking down the street glued to a phone. I give teens a break, but adults?? Please step away from the glowing rectangle in your hand for an HOUR while we are at dinner. The biggest glow up is to be present. Put your phone down at the table and notice the people around you, put your phone down while walking down the street and observe the world. To me, the most attractive people I see aren't on their phones.. they are experiencing.

13. Fruits and vegetables not only look like an aesthetic on a plate, but you look like an aesthetic eating them. You get so many nutrients out of them and you get a full stomach much quicker for wayyyyy less calories. Some fruits and veggies even burn calories to digest.

14. There is nothing wrong with noticing flaws on your body and NOT embracing them. I've lived in Hawaii all my life and always wore shorts because my bikini line would break out the DAY I would shave. Well laser hair takes too long, waxing sounds AWFUL, so I got a tattoo in that area. I still get red angry bumps from time to time (olive oil, exfoliating, and a NEW Razor each time has helped) But now my tattoo takes away from those bumps and they aren't noticeable. I feel confident in bikinis because I modified the area that was bothering me.

15. Trends are great, but learn to accept that some trends just aren't meant for you. A glow up is being true to yourself and what you feel confident in. It's about knowing that the magical product that works for them may not work for you, it's knowing your body type, type of skin you have, colors that enhance or take away from you, and fashion comes and goes but style does not.

16. If you have a period, I am begging you to track your moods, your symptoms, your cycle phases. You'll not only feel so in touch with the rapid changes our bodies go through, but you'll be able to predict your body's cycle. I know for a fact next week I need to spend extra care with my skin, I'll be bloated so I should avoid foods that contribute and not worry too much about any "gain", and my hair will get greasy easily so I should switch my hair routine up a little bit. Knowing your cycle phases and the hormones that relate will do wonders in keeping your mental and physical health in check.

17. This kinda goes with 12, but be friendly. Smile at the cashier and ask them how they are, say please and thank you to everyone, hold the door open for the family of 4 with a stroller, listen to your friends and find a way to loop back to the friend whose story got unintentionally interrupted by someone else. Make the people you care about feel like they have your attention. Dont make comments to put people down (i was so bad at this. I would say, "god. She's 40 and dressing like that?" Now i catch myself and i say "i want her confidence. Look how shes rocking the zebra print boots!") don't match a rude person's energy.. all it does is fuel an already "unhealthy" situation. Take the rudeness with grace. Be present, be kind, be open and you'll attract people like a magnet.

18. Old lady perfume only smells like an old lady because you are over spraying. A dab on both wrists, a dab on the naval, a dab on the ankles and MAYBE some behind your ear. It's supposed to smell light and flowery not like you've raided your grandma's closet. Save the big all over body sprays for perfumes from bath and body works.