#well. pretty sure a lot fewer people would be wrong about things‚ if that were true.

[aeide-thea]

i'm never knowingly going to reblog a post that includes the phrase 'touch grass,' and that's not because i don't think it can be psychologically beneficial to get in some outdoor time if possible—i went for a walk earlier! it was great!—or to take a break from conversations that are getting you wound up, but because i think that particular wording generally reveals two things:

first, that the writer is speaking not from a place of genuine concern and sympathy, but from judgmental impatience à la 'get therapy,' which—i too have felt judgmental and impatient in my time, god knows! but when i feel that way i try to go unpack those feelings in private with a thoughtful friend, instead of pretending they constitute a source of wisdom or a helpful sort of energy to direct at people, you know? and i'm definitely not particularly interested in boosting a ventpost from someone else—who pretty clearly hasn't bothered to take the breather they're urging on others, if they're making little digs like that—as if it were actually sincere, carefully-reasoned advice.

and second, that the writer's argument embraces some seriously sloppy assumptions, which pretty immediately undermines my trust in the rest of their analysis—i mean, there's absolutely no guarantee someone's local scene will be any less parochial, just because it's playing out irl! there's also not actually a clean divide between 'people who spend time in the Real World' and 'people who spend time on the internet, which is for porn losers,' as demonstrated by a number of phenomena including, again, the aforementioned grass-recommenders' own presence right here on tumblr…

anyway. obviously we all have our own particular lines we draw around particular rhetoric that bugs us! these are just some reasons why that particular phrasing bugs me.

[wasteofbandagesxx]

Baby I'm yours

{Chuuya x Reader}

Chuuya was going to surprise you. He wanted to do something special for his girlfriend. He adores you, he cares for you, and he loves you. Today he was going to treat you like a queen, it's the least he can do for all your hard work and care. You've always been concerned for his health and gave him as much affection as possible. You've been so sweet to him ever since day one, he wants this surprise to be an appreciation gift. He just wants to show how grateful he is to have a partner like you.

You've been unwell, this weak was pure trash because of constant missions, errands, toxic friends, ect. You just needed time to yourself, or time with someone you love.

Luckily your guy's 2 year anniversary was today, and there is no way in hell Chuuya would let anything ruin your guy's special day. He made Mori give you fewer assignments, Chuuya threatened anyone that was bothering you, and for some reason you didn't have to run any errands today. Obviously because your beloved boyfriend did all the work for you. He didn't get much sleep from staying up till 4 am planning your special day. Where are the reports? He did them all. Is there anything big you need to do today for work? Nope, Chuuya's got that covered. He's such a sweetheart, he would do anything for you to make sure your in the perfect mood to spend time together.

"Babe! Babe! I'm off work now, let's go get some ice cream." Chuuya couldn't be anymore cuter as he jumped at you and clings onto your arm like a kid winning a prize. "I don't see why not. There should be an Ice cream shop around the corner, good thing we're done with work because it closes in half an hour." You kept him close and made your way over to the ice cream shop called "Takeaway. " It's an ice cream shop that apparently brings people together. Rumors say that if you eat their ice cream, you will fall in love and find your soul mate, but again its just a silly rumor. Chuuya was all giggly and happy, you didn't know why or what he was up to, but you just went along with it.

"Heyyy welcome! What can I get for you guys today?" Asks the girl that was serving Ice cream. "I'll have 2 cookie dough, one for me and the lovely lady right here."

"Ohh lovely lady huh? I thought she was your friend or something, good for you though." She had a slight look of disgust on her face but you didn't mind it at first. Some girls always react like this, Chuuya is attractive after all. "You should come by sometimes, you seem like an interesting person. Where do you work?" The lady asks while getting the ice creams. "Your guy's ice creams are amazing, this is my favorite shop after all and I work at uhh...mcdonald's?"

You found it suspicious how she suddenly wanted to get to know him more, but your thoughts were cut off the moment your boyfriend lied about his job. "Oh...mcdonald's? That sucks, but at least you get paid more than I do. You should probably work here as your 2nd job, we could have a lot of fun together. You can get free snacks and ice cream as well." The lady said with a hint of flirting in her voice, her eyes fluttering as she talks to your man in a "friendly" tone.

She hands you your ice cream and continues having a conversation with your boyfriend. You looked at her from head to toe, you realized how pretty she was. You felt a bit insecure and you didn't want to get the wrong idea, maybe she was just being friendly but then you second guess yourself into thinking she's interested in Chuuya.

Chuuya was showing slight discomfort towards the lady once she started asking personal questions but she didn't seem to get the memo that he's not interested in her. He noticed your discomfort and well and thought to himself that they should leave. But then an unexpected question came out of the lady's mouth.

"You wanna come drink with me at my house tonight?"

He couldn't be any more disturbed. He grabbed your waist and pulled you close and gave the lady a nice smile before saying, "No thanks, it's our anniversary and I want to spend time with my beloved girlfriend." Your face turned slightly red at his bold move in front of the girl. She scoffed and rolled her eyes but then played it off with a smile, "Alright then, enjoy your ice creams."

Chuuya snickers and walks off with you by his side, enjoying his delicious ice cream, he noticed how sad you looked when you weren't saying anything, you hardly even touched your ice cream. "Hey baby, I'm sorry that happened back there. There's no need to be jealous, I promise your better than her and I'm yours forever." He said, trying to comfort you. "I don't like girls who are that bold, it's disgusting. I like you because your fucking amazing and so much more. Cmon, eat your ice cream before it melts, or before I eat it because I am very tempted to."

He playfully reaches for your ice cream and you pull away while laughing at him. "No, it's mine you pig!" You immediately ate your cookie dough and he gasped dramatically with a hand on his chest. You eventually got home, and you were expecting to go to sleep or watch a movie before bed. But Chuuya has other plans, he quickly drags you inside the apartment with your eyes closed, and closed the door behind you guys. "Ready love?" He whispers in your ear, making you blush and turn red like a strawberry. You slowly open your eyes when he tells you to, and you couldn't believe what you saw in front of you.

Candles were lit up on the table and counter, on the table were delicious food and a small jewelry box with a bow on it, a teddy bear was sitting next to the jewelry box with a bouquet of flowers leaving against it. Music suddenly starts playing, it a romantic song, one of your favorites. You couldn't be anymore happier. "Aww, honey." You immediately hugged him and giggled in joy, thanking him for the lovely gifts. He lifts up your chin and leans in close before pressing his soft lips against yours. You kiss him back, arms wrapped around his neck with your leg getting wrapped around his hips. He holds onto your leg and lower back as the kiss started to get heated. He couldn't get enough of you, he just wanted to melt right into you. He grabs your other leg and wraps it around his waist as well and pins you against the wall while he kisses you like a man starved. Your fingers caressed his beautiful ginger hair, getting lost in the feeling, but it soon came to an end as Chuuya pulled away with a shaky break, admiring you. "Let's eat yea? I've had someone prepare the food for us before we got here so let's eat before it gets cold." He gently puts you back down on the ground and takes your hand before guiding you to the kitchen.

The food smelled and looked amazing, you were basically drooling and Chuuya chuckled. "Come sit." He pulls the chair back for you to sit on before scooting it close to the table once you sat down. He took a seat across from you and you both began to enjoy your meal.

Later on, you were admiring the gifts. In the small box was a golden necklace, a locket with a picture of you and Chuuya inside. Of course, you didn't forget about today. Of course you've been stressing about a lot of things but you didn't forget to surprise your boyfriend with gifts as well. You gave him a teddy bear that matched his hair color, a golden watch with your initials carved in the back, and a rose. He couldn't be anymore happier. "Thank you love, you didn't have to. I love your gifts, I really do. But the gift that makes me the happiest, is you." He quickly got up and walked over to your side of the table before picking you up again and kissing you. He made his way to your guy's bedroom as you cling onto him tightly, you guys didn't dare to break apart from the kiss. Chuuya kicked the door open and made his way over to the bed before gently putting you down.

He climbs on top of you and kisses you again, and again, and again. You were like a drug, he was addicted to you. His tongue slithers inside your mouth, the kiss became more passionate and dirty, as if it was never going to end. He pulls away and attacks your neck with hickeys and love bites, marking up your neck. It was his favorite thing to do, as if you were a lollipop, a favorite candy of his. He took the time to worship your body, taking things nice and slow. He slowly removes your shirt, and you began to unbutton his shirt, sliding it down his shoulders and grabbing his hands for a quick moment. He looked at you confused but soon got the memo as you began to take his gloves off with your teeth. "Fuck doll, your so sexy yknow that?" He throws your shirt onto the floor and continued to worship you, you couldn't help but giggle at his words, and he found it adorable. He stopped for a moment to admire your beauty, everything about you.

He cups your face and gives you another kiss, a gentle, loving kiss. It wasn't any normal kiss, but a slow yet passionate one. He gives you a quick peck on the lips and smiles softly, he couldn't get enough of you.

"Baby I'm yours."

[echo-goes-mmm]

Juno in "Pet Shelter"

My Writing Masterpost

Juno Collection Masterpost

Warnings: lightly BBU adjacent 

“And that’s about it,” finished Jack, leading the new volunteer back to the front desk. “Any questions?”

Daniel shrugged. “It seems simple enough. Feed the pets, give out meds, play time is two hours a day,” he rattled off.

Jack smiled. “Just about, yeah. Although some pets have dietary restrictions, so be careful with that. It’s all in their charts.”

“Right. Oh, do employees get to adopt from the shelter? Just curious.”

“Yup! There’s a waiting period of six months, though. In fact, I'll have officially adopted a kitty tomorrow. I’m really excited.” Jack beamed, proud.

“Kitty?”

“Oh,” waved off Jack, “it’s a term we use to describe personalities. ‘Kitties’ are shyer, quiet, more independent. ‘Pups’ are more energetic, playful, outgoing. You know the type.”

“Makes sense,” said Daniel. “I guess I’m more of a dog person, but, like, real dogs.”

“Fair,” nodded Jack. “Most people don’t want human pets, hence their rarity. I think there’s only one store in the county, and we’re the only shelter. Hey, since we have a couple hours, you want to meet my kitty?”

Jack pulled out a set of keys from the front desk drawer. “I’m thinking of calling him Juno. He’s really great, and I already love him.”

“Sure, why not?”

The two men turned back down the hall, passed the ‘employee only’ doors. 

“So how come Juno didn’t get adopted yet? I hear pets get adopted really quickly here.”

“Well… he’s got some medical stuff a lot of people don’t want to deal with.”

“Like what?”

Jack swung the keys around his finger.

“For one thing, he’s trans.”

Daniel shot him a look. 

“I know, I know,” Jack said, “but the reality is, that turns a lot of people off, in a manner of speaking. I don’t think it should matter, but it does. And although lots of pets like having sex, Juno has a severe aversion to anyone or anything near his vulva that isn’t himself and his menstrual cup.”

They reached another door at the end of the hall, and Jack flipped through the keys trying to find the right one.

“Usually that isn’t an issue; most people don’t care. Unfortunately, Juno also has an expensive diet. It’s either buy the pricey pet food, or cook for him. I don’t mind the cooking- I like cooking- but the combination of everything makes him pretty unlucky in the adoption department.”

Jack fit a key into the lock of a second door, which opened into a smaller hall with fewer stalls. 

An acidic smell hit them as soon as the door opened.

“Shit,” muttered Jack.

“That can’t be good,” agreed Daniel.

Jack jogged through the hall, and came to stop at a stall. A whine sounded from the poor pet inside.

“Hey, buddy,” cooed Jack, crouching down.

Daniel peered over his shoulder.

A pet was curled up in a far corner, stale vomit in a puddle on the opposite side. 

The pet had dark brown hair, and his eyes were screwed shut. He looked feverish, and he was trembling. His breathing was quick and shallow, and he had top surgery scars on his chest.

Daniel glanced at the sign on the wall.

Juno, it read. Owner: Pending.

“Did somebody give you the wrong food, honey?” Jack asked quietly as he unlocked the stall.

Juno whined again.

“Okay buddy, don’t worry.” Jack pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of the stall, pet and vomit and all. “I’ll take good care of you, I promise.”

Jack approached the shivering pet. “Take a look in his food bowl, would you?” he called over his shoulder.

Daniel looked inside. “It’s halfway empty.”

“Fuck,” muttered Jack. The pet whimpered. “Not you, sweetheart. You’re doing so good; making sure you didn’t get messy. There’s a good boy. You didn’t eat it all cause you figured it out, yeah? Such a smart kitty.” Jack pet the boy’s hair, and Juno leaned into his hand.

“Can you sit up for me?”

Jack helped the pet lean against the wall, his face tacky with tear tracks. “I know your tummy hurts, sweetheart, but just stay right there, okay?”

Jack pulled away and turned to Daniel. “Dump out the food in the trash,” he ordered. “Get a new bowl from storage, and fill it with the gluten-free bag. Make sure it’s a new bowl, or he’ll get sick again.”

“What about the water? Won’t that be contaminated?”

“Go ahead and take that to the sink. I’ll take care of getting him some liquid,” Jack said. “I need to brush his teeth anyway.”

They left the stall. “Not going to lock it?”

“He’s not going anywhere,” Jack said with a grim face. “He can’t move much when he has a reaction.”

Jack pulled out his phone, dialing a number as he went to the med cabinet.

He opened the cabinet, looking for the stock paste he kept on hand and the shelter-supplied disposable toothbrushes as the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey boss, it’s Jack. One of the pets got fed an allergen again. Sent you some photos.”

“Dammit. Which one?”

Jack found the brushes. They were on the wrong shelf.

“Guess.”

His boss sighed. “And you’re sure it’s Ethan doing it?”

Jack switched his phone to the other shoulder as he filled a bottle with hot water.

“He hates me,” he complained, scooping a tablespoon of the stock paste into the bottle. “And he really wanted Juno. He was on food duty earlier. He’s trying to sabotage the adoption. You know, make him sick so he has to do a round of isolation.”

His boss sighed. “I’ll check the tapes.”

“Thanks. See you tomorrow.”

Jack shook the bottle until it was a dark brown and the paste had dissolved.

“Hey, Juno,” he said quietly, pulling open the door. “I’m back.”

Juno looked up at him with teary blue eyes. Poor thing.

“I got you a toothbrush, and that soup you like.” Jack set the bottle off the side, kneeling in front of him.

Juno opened his mouth, still weak and miserable, and Jack scrubbed the stomach acid off his teeth.

“You get to come home with me tomorrow,” he said, cupping the back of Juno’s head for support. “Won’t that be nice?”

Juno made an ‘mhm’ as soon as Jack was finished. 

Jack picked up the bottle. “Do you think you can hold it for me?”

Juno didn’t look very sure.

“Alright, that’s fine.” Jack unscrewed the cap, and held the soup to Juno’s mouth.

Juno took a couple of sips, and turned his head away. His stomach probably couldn’t handle much more.

“That’s okay. You're doing great.” He brushed Juno’s sweaty bangs away from his forehead. He wanted to give him a bath, get all that sweat off, but Juno probably wouldn’t appreciate that right now. “You wanna go to sleep?” 

The pet nodded, clearly exhausted. He must have been vomiting for hours.

Jack helped him lay down on his cot as Daniel came back.

“What's that?” he nodded towards the bottle.

“Stock,” Jack explained. “The salt and fluid is good for nausea and he needs the calories.”

Jack stroked Juno’s hair.

“He’ll be okay, right?”

“Yeah. He just needs to rest.”

___________________

Jack stirred the fried rice in the pan. It smelled great, and it was a new recipe. His aunt had recommended it, and she had Celiac disease just like Juno. 

Honestly, it wasn’t that hard to switch everything over to be gluten free. And it was worth it to keep his pet healthy.

Juno pressed himself against Jack’s back, his arms wrapping around Jack’s waist. He laid his head on Jack’s shoulder.

“Hey, bud. Ready to eat?”

“Mhm.”

Jack spooned two portions into bowls, and sat on the couch to eat.

Juno ate from his bowl with gusto, and Jack smiled as he watched. His kitty had put on a lot more weight, and the doctor was really pleased with his progress. 

Juno finished before he did, and got up onto the couch, shoving his head onto Jack’s lap.

Jack absent-mindedly carded a hand through his hair. It was so soft and wavy now that he had proper conditioner. 

He focused on the nape of Juno’s neck, just where he liked it, and Juno nuzzled into his thigh.

If Juno could purr like real cats, Jack knew he would.

He looked so much better: well-rested, well-fed, and with a handsome leather collar.

Adopting him was the best decision Jack had ever made.

taglist: @paintedpigeon1

[plussizefantasia]

Dr. Encyclopedia

Flufftover Day 26: Coffee Shop

Spencer Reid x reader

Word Count: 1.2k

AN: I kind of went off prompt here, but I really like where it ended up. My requests are still open for things to write after October is done so send them in. Reblogs and Feedback are really appreciated. I'll see y'all tomorrow!

ps. all the facts in here were googled so they might be wrong, but who knows?

divider credit @royallaesthetics

You weren’t planning on spending your entire morning in the quaint little coffee shop that you walk past on your way to work, but the raging storm outside dictated that you wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon. You had your work laptop and could do some of your tasks from pretty much anywhere, minus team meetings but you didn’t have one of those today. You sent off a quick text to your boss letting her know that you'd be avoiding arriving at the office sporting the drowned rat look and would be there when the rain let up. She had told you not to sweat it and that she’d see you when you got there.

A similar story to yours was playing out on the other side of the shop. A very fidgety Spencer Reid was on the phone with Hotch letting him know that he was stranded in the little coffee shop and bakery he went to every morning. Because Spencer didn’t like to drive, he walked this way to get to the train that would take him a block away from Quantico, but like you also was trapped by the torrential downpour lest he soak through his sweater and catch a cold. 

“Hotch, it’s raining pretty hard here, I don’t think you want me trying to make it there in this weather.” You were unable to hear the other side of the conversation “Yeah, okay. Yes. Yes. Sir, I will bring you one of the muffins you like.” You let out a little chuckle at the handsome stranger’s negotiating skills. 

“Boss man not happy?” you queried.

“Oh,” the man looked between his phone and you, “he’ll be okay. He loved the banana nut muffins from here.”

“Hmm. Did you know that the banana plant is the largest plant in the world without a woody stem? The trunk is just banana leaves intertwined around each other making a strong base.” You offered. You found that fun facts were a great way to break the ice, and if this man was to be your only real company besides the busy-looking barista behind the counter until the rain ended, you wanted to get off on the right foot.

“I did. Did you know that the first discovery of coffee’s stimulant effects was made by 15th-century goats?” He replied, nodding his head at the coffee cup you were holding.

‘Goats?” You asked. 

“Yes, they were found by the locals in a small Brazilian town and were more energetic than the average goat, causing the coffee plant to be found and its use deduced.”

“Well, that is just about the funnest fact I’ve ever heard.” You told him, pushing your hand out to offer the man a handshake.

“Oh, I don’t shake hands. You transfer fewer germs by kissing than shaking hands.”

You put your hand down, “what is your name?” 

‘Spencer Reid.” He handed you a business card with his name on it from somewhere on his body, you weren't sure. It was like it had just appeared. 

You read the card. “FBI, huh? So you’re like real important aren’t you.”

‘I don’t know about that the FBI employs about 35,000 people across the US, I’m just one man.”

“One man, who knows a lot about caffeinated goats.”

“I know a lot about a lot of things.”

“Prove it.” You had challenged. With a raise of his eyebrow, he followed your instructions. For the next hour and a half the two of you sat at a small table in the corner of the shop, the only customers in the whole place. Rain beat against the windows and the light outside dimmed, being replaced with a sort of grey sheen that seemed to bathe the whole interior of the shop in a bittersweet melancholy. 

Spencer and you went fact for fact, he was polite enough not to admit that he knew all of the facts you had presented already, or tell you that a few of them were wrong. He was astonished that you were willing to listen to his rambling for so long. The only person who could really stand to listen to him for a long period of time was JJ and her record was 45 minutes, you were going into hour two.

“So, Mr. FBI. How do you know so many wonderful things?”

‘I was kind of a lonely kid, I graduated early from every school I was in, and didn’t have many friends so I turned to books. And when you have an eidetic memory, you learn a lot of things.”

“I didn’t have many friends either,” you reassured him, not wanting him to stew in his vulnerability alone, “I taught myself all kinds of things. How to sew, how to make chicken cordon blue, growing vegetables.” you sighed sort of wistfully. “Looking back, they aren't very impressive skills but I love them growing up.”

‘I don’t know about not impressive, I’ve killed every plant I’ve ever owned.” Spencer admitted. “I think your skills sound pretty great.”

“Yeah? Well, I think being a walking encyclopedia is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.”

The two of you just sat in the pleasant silence for a little bit. Both are a little shy after so many compliments. Spencer’s phone rang.

“Dr. Reid.” He answered giving you an apologetic look and standing up from the table.

Dr. Reid. He hadn’t told you he was a doctor, you want to know what his PhD was in. YOu wanted to know all about him, you wanted to know him.

“Reid, where are you?” Hotch asked.

“I told you that I was in the shop, I’d be there when the rain was over. 

“Reid. The rain is over, the rain has been over for twenty minutes.” Spenser immediately shot his head towards the window of the shop. Hotch was right, there were still water droplets that clung to the glass, but the downpour had stopped. The clouds had passed and several rays of sunlight were beginning to seep into the space.

“I- I didn’t even notice. I’ll be there soon. With your muffin.” Spencer hung up before Hotch could reply. He turned back to the table the two of you had taken up.

“Did you notice that the rain had stopped?” He asked. You also looked out the window. You let out a soft chuckle.

“No, I didn’t. How long has it been done?” 

‘According to Bossman, about twenty minutes.”

“Jesus. I guess we really got lost in our own bubble there.” You supplied

‘I guess we did.” Spencer lingered. It had been years since he met someone who was able to keep his attention like that. “Would you um, would you like to get coffee again sometime?” He asked.

You couldn't fight the beaming smile that took up the bottom half of your face. “I’d love to. Dr. Reid.” 

“Okay, Yeah. Good. Umm, call me?” Spencer bumbled, reaching for the brown paper bag that held Hotch’s muffin and grabbing his satchel bag from the back of his seat.

“I will.” You lifted up the card he had given you in between your fingers. “I definitely will.”

Spencer backed out of the shop, looking at you the entire time. And only when he was out of your eyeline did he let himself celebrate. He would have to tell Morgan, this would definitely get him off his back.

You saved Spencer’s number in your phone, under Dr. Encycolpedia, and started counting down the minutes to when you’d be able to call him. You really wanted to get coffee again.

[drdemonprince]

hey i know what im about to ask for advice for isnt ur experience but i thought its possible someone else in ur audience has had a similar one its just starting to get unbearable. im in my early 20s and an autistic lesbian. im almost done with college, have had good friends here, have had good friends online as well, but to my knowledge no one throughout my entire life has had even a crush on me. ive never kissed anyone, no one’s asked me out, even as a kid at recess or whatever. like sometimes i even wish a boy had paid attention to me in that way because maybe then it prove theres not something wrong with me. its just so isolating because literally everyone else in my life has at least been kissed or had a crush situation by the time they were my age. ive tried to talk on dating apps but i just have zero confidence about it because no one who has actually seen me or talked to me for more than a couple times has expressed interest. maybe im oblivious to it being autistic but like i would know if someone said something explicit you know? i feel like it wont ever happen. idk. i think it would help to know if people thought the same things about themselves and then something did happen for them. because it just feels like im the only person alive with this experience who actually wants these things to happen (like i know ace/aro people are out there, its just not me)

Thank you for your question. I'll share some of my thoughts, with the huge caveats that I have not lived this experience, and hopefully readers with more relevant perspectives could also weigh in.

I notice here that you describe yourself and your relationship to attraction in terms of things happening to you, or you receiving certain kinds of attention. You frame yourself throughout this as the possible passive recipient of attraction. But what about what you want? How often have you expressed desire to somebody? How frequently and in what ways have you initiated contact, told someone you were interested in them, or invited someone on a date?

You mention using dating sites and talking with people, but those conversations never turning into anything more. That seems to be a very common problem in the lesbian dating world. I think a lot of women do not feel confident and comfortable in expressing their desires outright and it seems to lead to a lot of grinding of gears and people assuming that nobody is interested in them when really all parties involved feel too shy and disempowered to use their words and directly ask for a date.

I understand that to be a very common thing for queer women, though admittedly it is difficult for me to wrap my mind around as someone who was telling people on OK Cupid that i wanted to meet up and fuck them that evening back when I was like 21 years old, and who moves through the realms of steamworks and grindr and the cell block bar dancefloor now. I've had many interpersonal problems but telling somebody directly that I wanted to bang or even to hang out has not historically been one of them, and I really wish I could just lend some of that hutzpah over to my lensbian siblings because I hear people grousing about how dry apps like Lex are all the time.

It seems pretty glib and unhelpful for me to say "just act more like a bluntly direct gay autistic man" and to say that would be to ignore that a lack of confidence and queer women skewing a bit passive are probably not the only factors you're dealing with. There might be biases working against you like fatphobia, racism, or ableism that incline fewer people to openly express desire for you, and that's a real problem that operates outside of you and that no amount of self love can eradicate, and I think it's validating and important to just acknowledge when the deck is stacked against people.

But there are lots of people out there who will want to date and fuck you, for sure, even if you are dealing with any of those injustices, and additionally, I doubt from your message that you're doing anything particularly weird or off putting in your messages with people on dating apps that's like driving anybody away. You mention that you have a lot of good friends and that things are otherwise going pretty decently for you in life, so it really doesn't seem to me like anything you are doing or bringing to the table is "wrong". And over the years I have known a great many lesbians and wlw who were very social, outgoing, fun to be around, cute, and a total romantic prize who just did not fuck or date until their late 20s or 30s or beyond, because of some of the social forces I already described (and again I encourage my lesbian followers to contribute to the conversation because I know it's not my lane and I might not be explaining the phenomenon correctly).

If you haven't, I would suggest showing your dating app profile and messages to some trusted friends (maybe some gay men as well as other queer women?) to get a variety of perspectives and some reassurance.

But I think, based on the admittedly limited information that I have here, that you just need to approach people more and more directly, and that slowly through that you will become more comfortable with initiation and rejection, as well as with seeing yourself as a sexual being with agency, rather than a passive receiver of others' interest.

Try telling people directly that they are cute, that you like them, that you want to be around them, that you'd like to kiss them, that you'd love to go see a movie with them or tie them up or finger blast them or that being near them makes you happy or horny or etc as the situation warrants. If you havent already that is!

[silvery-bluish]

Self and Know for Ars, Friendship for BB and Ris 👀❓

Questions from here!

Thanks as always for the ask Jazz!!!

Ars

Self: How is your OC's relationship with themself? Does your OC like who they are? Is there anything about themself that they would change?

Oh god very bad. Self-rival bad brain morass going on in there. They view themself more in terms of what use they are to other people, and unfortunately they don't think they have anything to offer except their mess of a crusade. Too sharp too strange too dangerous for anything else.

But the thing is they also don't... really want to change any elements of themself? They can't be anything other than what they are-- or, even if they change, become softer, more open, they still contain those other versions of themself, they don't stop existing just because they're out of sight? and they're torn between wanting that self to vanish within the safer names and shapes they wrap themselves in or just vanish altogether, and wanting that self to be seen and accepted and allowed to exist in plain sight.

Know: How well does your OC know themself—their wants, their goals, their motivations? Do they engage in any sort of self-reflection? Is there anything about themself they willfully ignore?

Ars Tries Very Hard not to think about themself. Blank Spot in the middle of their own perception, look Outward instead of Inward. They have approximate knowledge of their goals and motivations, although a lot of those are wrapped in a sort of. Recentering Off of themself? It's all in terms of getting justice for Anathema, in tearing things apart for other people, not in terms of their own hurt and pain (that is 100% factoring in to their decisions! they're just firmly not thinking about it being a factor).

And their wants, well. Those are Unimportant, even the ones they know they have, so what's the point in examining them? They want things, sure, yeah, but wanting them isn't enough anymore.

Arsinoe's in just. such a strange place about self-reflection. Because there's certain things they'll mull over and over again, refuse to let fade to background noise, but most of those are the things that hurt them? Museum diorama mindscape, preserve everything how it Was and very carefully not thinking about the fact that they could be wrong about their Totally Objective View of things. And all things considered they have a fairly firm sense of self, they just. Can't consistently articulate it to people.

BB

Friendship: What's your OC like as a friend? How are they at making new friends? What are the most important friendships in your OC's life?

I think BB considers a lot of people friends on a very surface level. He knows your name and smiles and nods hi and sometimes you get coffee but neither of you actually know what's going on in each other's more personal life, you know? Breaking the Sidestep Mold (because he's only sometimes a Sidestep) to front as Politely Friendly most of the time.

Actually close friends he has significantly fewer of. You've gotta unwind fifteen layers of his nonsense masks off first. When he's not being Sidestep, he and Ars were the original Ride Or Die team back during the farm days. Mutually deeply protective and very specific about not showing that externally when they could avoid it because that's a big no-no and a potential weakspot. When he IS Sidestep, he was genuinely very close to Julia back in the step days! Secret crush that was like 75% gender envy (it's faded out pretty much entirely esp after he flirts with her as the puppet LMAO 'oh im. hm. not actually into her anymore. interesting. wonder what that's about.') but even without that their like. Different personas that are Still Them depending on the social context sort of rhymes???

Ris

Friendship: What's your OC like as a friend? How are they at making new friends? What are the most important friendships in your OC's life?

Ris is a fantastic friend thank you and they're very proud of that. With them I'm trying to manifest like. Biker who has a kitten in their jacket energy. Absolute sweetheart. Deeply loyal, quick to make friends when that loyalty is returned (and even sometimes when it isn't but they're trying to make Healthy Choices lol). They're more reticent about talking about their own issues, because they're not supposed to be the one who needs help, they're supposed to do the helping.

Important friendship-wise, historically, pre-BG3 plot, their best friend is a Triton named Pike who is also their ex (affectionate). Pike's a pirate whose crew briefly pseudo-adopted a teenaged Ris for a bit while they were Rebounding from their ex (derogatory). The two of them broke up when it was generally agreed that Ris didn't make a very good pirate and should stop hanging out on a pirate ship LOL. They still keep in touch and Ris does consistently introduce them as "this is my ex pike." It's a running joke.

I don't want to turn this into a whole Ramble but them @ the whole party is basically "ive known these people for three weeks and i would commit murders for them" but some of that's probably the trauma bonding: this time with hivemind lite!

[alchemil-studio]

Devlog #3 - June 2023

Hello~!

June has ended and with it we have some more updates regarding the progress of Norvale!

As we mentioned in the previous devlog, we’ve finished the initial story draft for the Craft Store route. In this route, Morgan decides to visit the local craft store in search of something that they can pick up as a new hobby. But once they arrive, they find two men arguing in the middle of the street…

NEW CHARACTERS

The designs for the two men, Frank and Kushal, have been completed and we’ve uploaded their character introductions yesterday.

Frank is the father of Louis, one of Morgan’s childhood friends, and the owner of the local toy store that sits across the street from the craft store. He’s someone that comes across rough at first but once you get to know him, he’s a pretty friendly guy. Despite being on good terms with Kushal’s wife Lathika & his daughter Sara, he never seems to get along with Kushal himself and is prone to starting arguments with him over pointless things…

Compared to the initial sketches, his face became a bit more oval compared to the rounder face of the pencil sketches. While making rough designs for his clothes, they were simple like a plain t-shirt and sandals or a sloppily tucked in shirt to go with his rough but friendly personality. But we decided to make him dress a bit neater and added a jacket to his outfit as well to fit the late spring season the story takes place in.

“He decided to head outside for a bit and threw on a jacket, just in case it gets chilly.” is the basic idea behind his final outfit.

Kushal’s design was pretty straightforward. Although looking back, he might’ve lost a bit of the aloofness of the pencil sketch since his features turned softer in the final design.

Kushal is the father of Sara, another one of Morgan’s childhood friends, and the owner of the local craft store. A man of few words and even fewer expressions, his stoicism and blunt words sometimes tend to rub people the wrong way. While he usually prefers to stay out of trouble, he’s always ready to throw words with Frank.

I drew the first outfit, the red Kurta with black pants to draw out a more traditional Indian feel, while designs 2 through 4 were mostly inspired by things dads usually wear haha

We ended up going with the outfit in design 2 since we felt it was a good casual but still somewhat formal outfit someone like Kushal would wear, while keeping the skin color of the first design.

The blue looks a little striking at first glance but I think the white accents bring some balance.

There’s still a little bit more sprite related work to go before I finish the character art for this route. After that, the plan is to move onto character designs for the third route and once those are done, the focus will be shifted to drawing backgrounds. There’s still a lot of artwork to go but I’ll do my best! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

DEVELOPMENT

Not much to update for the development side, aside from how we’ve started working on applying the new GUI to ren’py and experimenting on some GUI features we’ve thought about before and while conceptualizing the newer GUI. We’ll continue to finish implementing the GUI to the ren’py script before fixing some kinks/feature fixes then the story script itself unto the game. 

tl;dr: we’ve made quite a lot of progress for the 2nd part of the story in terms of assets. We’ll slowly but surely continue to develop and flesh out the full version of the game, so please continue to support us!

In summary, we’re making progress! Although small, we are making progress and a positive one at that! Please look forward to the full release of Norvale!

---

Links

Carrd: Alchemilla Studios

Twitter: @Alchemil_Studio

Instagram: @Alchemil_Studio

Itch.io: Alchemilla Studios

[asukamood]

Argument

Warnings: Angst, like heavy angst. Blue being extremely bad at emotions and relationships with people, triggered PTSD, Blue rejecting reflection, him also being unable to think a healthy relationship is possible and a hella lot of tears. Mostly Blue centric.

Synopsis: Blue’s ability to understand how emotions and relationships work is like his birthday, a joke. He one day decided to sneak into an off-limits room to distract himself from a slight problem and Dream, who caught him red-handed, is not happy about that. Initially angry, the latter quickly turns horrified because Blue accidentally breaks something important to him. What followed is simple, Dream starts to ignore Blue’s attempts to contact him and the latter is terrified of the other leaving him alone. Now, how will this predicament end exactly?

3747 words as an apology to dying. I’ve never felt more single in my entire life.

***

There’s a room in Justice Reigns that is forbidden for almost anyone to step in. It is so well kept in fact that even Ink, Dream’s right hand, was forbidden access to it too. Very few people knew why Dream didn’t want anyone to go into that room and even fewer people had enough guts to question the CEO so most people simply ignored its existence, avoiding it at all costs in fear of attracting the wrath of the radiant. Dream was calm and composed most of the time but the thought of having him angry was enough to make most people shiver so no one dared to.

No one, apart of course from Blue.

He was a strange specimen, to say the least. No one knew where he came from and if he had any family, or what his surname was. A lot had the suspicion that his name was a fake one too but no proof ever came to support that theory. But the strangest thing about him may be his ability to get information on people.

Many have testified a certain… discomfort when talking to him. They said he had that strange smile that told them he knew exactly what they were going to say or how they were going to behave, he was also aware of their personal life and their past which freaked people out.

You see, Blue is a pretty curious man, fascinated by the human mind and all that it encompasses. But his curiosity was only just one factor of two, the other reason why he always made sure to gather so much information on people before talking to them was simply to make sure he wouldn’t say something upsetting or so.

Despite his extroverted nature, Blue didn’t get to have that many social interactions and doesn’t have many friends either if at all. Papyrus had always made sure to make his life a living inferno without any way of escaping so it was only natural for him not to let Blue be able to talk to anyone.

Then, he was stuck inside the anti-void for quite some time before finally being able to move around. That’s when he met Myriad, well, Error. He was his first-ever friend so it was expected that he would mess up quite a bit on the first try. Messing up he did, because of everything he has gone through, he had the mindset of breaking people before they could break him but the worst thing? He isn’t even aware of it as reflection scares the living life out of him.

It could be of fear to discover he’s way more similar to his brother than he would like, or maybe he’s simply scared of the things he would discover about himself. Either way, he isn’t conscious of his actions and genuinely believes that he has done nothing wrong.

Of course, this couldn’t be any more wrong as he did give Error PTSD by trying to ‘help’ him. He had good intentions but growing up in such an abusive environment does things to a person so he had no clue on how to properly help, thus causing this entire dilemma.

It caused Error to leave and since he refuses to talk to Blue, the latter has no idea what he did wrong. Not being quite an expert in relationships with people, he simply assumed that one wrong move would drive the person to leave and never come back.

It’s a well-known fact that Blue loathes silence with every cell in his body, but another that may be overlooked is that he is lonely. Even when surrounded by people, that nagging feeling of being by oneself kept haunting him so that’s why he was so overjoyed when he discovered that being in Dream’s presence lessened that feeling considerably.

Whether it was because of his aura or his actions in general, Blue couldn’t give less of a damn. He did care, however, when he realized that he was falling in love. At first, it was surprising and confusing, and while most people would have freaked out rolling on their bed and crying, Blue instead found it curious and just went on with his usual flirting. The only real change is that his flirts now had true meaning and weren’t just thrown around for fun.

It took Dream a painfully long time to get the hint and an even longer time for him to accept going out with Blue, and while the latter did want to bang his head on the wall multiple times during that, he can safely say that the wait was worth it. Ever since he was with Dream, he had never felt so happy in his entire life.

Something was starting to feel amiss though. While he still wanted to stay with him, he felt some… changes in his feelings about Dream. In the beginning, he would feel butterflies in his stomach every time the winged man touched him in any way and while he did still feel some kind of satisfaction when that happened, it wasn’t like before. The butterflies were gone.

When he realized that, he freaked out. Dream was his first-ever love interest and partner so, like his friendship with Error, he was bound not to understand what was happening and assumed he was beginning to fall out of love. That got him to panic even more as he had no clue on how to deal with this and instead of asking for help, he did what most of us would do in times of a problem arising, he pretended like the problem didn’t exist.

But for that to work well, he needed a distraction and he has heard a lot about that room and all the entry restrictions. His decision was made pretty quickly.

He knew that this room once belonged to the late Ani, a very good ‘friend’ of Dream in the past, which was why he didn’t want anyone inside it. By making people leave that room alone, it felt like they were still with him. Because of that, no one really knew what that room was like, even Blue. He has dug a long way in the JR archives and more, yet, nothing showed up so he absolutely wanted to see it.

He snuck in the room on a Friday afternoon, a beautiful day when the sun was out and smiling with a pleasant breeze accompanying its rays to caress your cheek occasionally. He looked around, not finding anything particular about it apart from that one wooden box placed on top of the desk.

His interest picked, he approached to open it but just as he did that, he heard the familiar sound of teleporting behind him. He didn’t think much about it and just let out an usual greeting paired with the good old pet name Angel.

He didn’t really fear Dream’s reaction at finding him here since the latter had let him touch and look at extremely confidential documents before without batting an eyelid. While he was expecting to be scolded a little, he didn’t think that Dream would get this upset at him.

The winged man didn’t greet him back.

“What are you doing here?” He finally let out, hardly contained anger in his voice. That got Blue to stop focusing on the box and instead turn around, confused at his reaction.

“I was curious?” He felt lost now. Was he actually mad?

“You were curious?” Dream repeated, starting to shake. “You know that room is off-limits Blue, give me a reason as to why you’re here and one that I can accept.” He stepped closer and Blue’s lungs found that time absolutely perfect to give up on him.

He took a step back, forcing himself to suck in a deep breath. He was safe. Dream wouldn’t hurt him. He had to breathe.

The other’s mouth moved but Blue didn’t— actually no, he couldn’t hear him. He took another step toward him and in response, Blue another one back.

He bumped into the table, which made the wooden box stumble from the shock and fall to the ground. Due to its age, it was quick to shatter into pieces, bringing a necklace down with it.

Blue jumped away from the noise, his panic only increasing farther at that. Dream wasn’t going to hurt him, he wasn’t going to harm him. He had to breathe. These thoughts repeated in his head like a mantra as he watched Dream’s expression going from one to shock and then to one of horror as he hurried to collect what remained of the box.

He slowly turned to glance at Blue, a mix of anger and hurt on his eyes. He seemed ready to shout but upon seeing Blue’s expression, he inhaled and exhaled deeply, forcing himself to at least remain civil.

“I think it would be better if you left now.” He returned his attention to the wooden carcass across the floor, mindlessly trying to put it back together.

“Dream I—“

“Please.” He squeaked out with a voice crack at Blue’s unresponsiveness, which finally got the other to go away.

***

He fucked up. So bad.

It was Sunday afternoon now and during the entire time, Blue hadn’t got any kind of message from Dream. He had tried to call him, multiple times actually, but all of his calls were left unanswered just as his texts had been.

He liked to think of himself as someone who didn’t cry much, but the knowledge that he had hurt Dream, breaking something that was probably important to him, and the possibility of him leaving him for good made him let out any tears he could possibly shed.

His unanswered calls really weren’t helping him feel better, it actually made him feel even worse.

He was pacing back and forth in his room now, his phone resting on his desk as he debated whether or not he should retry calling him or see him directly. He hasn’t tried that one yet but it was mostly because he didn’t want to make things worse than it already was.

He was on his 26th circle around his room when his phone suddenly vibrated violently, shaking the desk. Not expecting that, Blue was shocked at first, flinching at the noise.

After two seconds of processing why his phone would vibrate like that, Blue’s eyes suddenly widened and he hurried to it, snatching it off the table. He was honestly expecting his hope to be crushed down immediately, perhaps it was just a notification that he received on a random app and he would have to go back to wallowing in despair alone in his room.

But no, his phone lit up to a text notification with the name “Angel boy 💛” written in a big bold font. He took a deep breath and prepared himself psychologically before letting his eyes wander down to the rest of the pop-up.

I want to talk to you.

That… wasn’t going to end well, was it? Well at least he didn’t write “we need to talk” so perhaps there was still a chance for things to go well?

Is it okay if I come to your house at 6? It’s fine if not, I can try to contact you tomorrow if that’s the case.

Oh absolutely not. He didn’t spend two entire days waiting impatiently just to end up waiting another day again.

He swiped on the message to access it, unlocked his phone before typing furiously on the screen.

Yes, it’s fine. I’ll be there.

Three fading dots appeared on the screen and he held his breath in expectation.

I’ll see you later then, I still have work to do.

He clicked on the writing bar but instead of typing, his fingers hovering over the keys without ever touching them. He was extremely tempted to answer “don’t overwork yourself this time, take care Angel” like he usually would but he didn’t really know if he really had the right to now.

He groaned in frustration before finally typing it and sending it.

The dots appeared and disappeared for an entire minute.

I won’t, you take care too.

***

It was 5:50. Dream was going to come any moment now and before that, Blue was dead set on being prepared for any kind of scenario. He had gone over all possible scenarios possible and settled for three that were likely to happen.

Scenario A: Dream would break up with him but at least he had the decency to do it in person rather than with a text.

Scenario B: Dream wouldn’t officially break up but would tell him to never show up in front of his face ever again and would give him the silent treatment until he was satisfied with his suffering.

Scenario C: Full on fight.

He didn’t like any of these scenarios but from the state of things, they were the most likely to happen and he definitely did not want to have a mental breakdown in front of Dream if they were to happen. He had a solution for each scenario and had carefully thought of every reply to tell him, rehearsing the lines in his head like a mantra.

In the middle of his rehearsal, the doorbell rang which almost made him jump out of his skin. He was here, like, right now.

“Coming!” He shouted out, speed walking to the door. When his hand found the handle, Blue noticed just how much he was shaking. He was going to have to fix that quickly. He took a sharp inhale before swinging the doors open, revealing the one he has been thinking about without rest for the past two days.

He hardly looked any better than Blue did which kinda reassured the latter in some kind of twisted way. Dream’s lips awkwardly curved upward in a crooked smile as he let out a quiet “Hello” that was so low Blue must have been the only one to hear it.

For a moment, he had the insane urge to throw himself in his arms and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. To pretend like Dream’s awkwardness was due to not yet being used to taking him on a date and not because of a fight. But this probably would have made everything worse if Blue’s scenarios were accurate so instead, he smiled back as awkwardly as he did, greeting him back.

He stepped aside and let Dream enter before closing the door behind them, his heart thumping loudly inside of his rib cage. They both stepped into the living room without a word, before sitting down side by side on one of the couches.

Blue was trying to hide his fidgeting as much as he could but at least he wasn’t the only one nervous, he noticed Dream playing with his fingers in the corner of his eyes. “So, you wanted to talk to me?” He finally said, breaking the silence.

Dream nodded, the playing of his fingers getting more intense. “Yeah. I wanted to say that-“ He frowned and looked down. “I’m sorry.”

Blue froze, his brain seemingly short circuiting. Wait what? That was not one of the options… Maybe this is a prequel to scenario B? It must be it right? “… What for?” Or perhaps it was scenario A instead? Maybe he was apologizing for leaving him?

“Well first for ghosting you like that, that wasn’t very nice of me.” Blue didn’t really blame him for that, if Dream had broken something important to Blue he wouldn’t forgive him that easily either. It was already a wonder that he came to talk to him so soon, even though it felt like an eternity to Blue. “But most importantly… I wanted to apologize for yelling at you like that. I didn’t want to scare you, I was just… mad.”

Seeing that Blue wasn’t saying anything, he continued rambling. “I’m really sorry for the way I acted, I probably reminded you of… not so lovely memories and I—“

Before he could finish his sentence, Blue held up a finger to his lips, successfully shutting him up. “You’re… Not going to leave?”

Dream paused, he apparently wasn’t expecting that question and especially not the way it was said. “No, of course not.” He replied softly as Blue let out the breath he was holding.

“Why would I?” His golden eyes were filled with confusion, like the idea has never once crossed his mind. “While I would have liked you to ask me before doing what you did, it didn’t change the way I feel about you. As for the box… well, it’s not like you meant to break it. Plus, the most important item didn’t get damaged beyond repair so I’m not too mad. Although, you should really ask next time instead of sneaking—“

He abruptly stopped talking, concern making its way on his face. The winged man cupped the other’s cheek and it’s at that moment that Blue realized his vision was unusually blurry and that something wet was rolling down his cheek. He was crying.

“Are you okay?” His lips trembled for a few seconds before he threw himself at the other, burying his face into his shoulder and sobbing on the fabric. As a response, Dream circled his arms around his waist and rubbed little circles on his back with his hand, letting him cry freely.

“I’m sorry.” He managed to choke out between sobs, squeezing Dream tighter into his arms. “I thought you-“ A hiccup. “I thought you would have started hating me because of—“

“Blue.” Dream cut him off, slightly pushing him off of him to make him look him in the eye. Blue sniffled, his teary gaze met Dream’s stoned one.

“I’m gonna tell you something and you’ll listen to me really well okay?” The shorter one nodded, nuzzling Dream’s palm while waiting.

“I love you. I really love you which means that it doesn’t matter what happens. We may get into a fight like this week, we may mutually screw up, we may want to take a break from each other for some time but I’ll always come back to you, no matter what.

I may not feel the same way I did before with all the butterflies and stuff but I’m staying anyway because I want to stay. You have your flaws, your imperfections and other points of view that I don’t agree with. I see them, I’m not ignoring them, but I choose you anyway because you’re the one I want.

You could screw me a thousand times over, I would just come back a thousand times over. You could hurt my feelings a hundred times but I would forgive you each time because for better or for worse, you’re the one I love. There will be times when you hurt me, and there will be times when I hurt you. We’re imperfect but it doesn’t matter, we’re going to go past it and find a solution to the problem, together.

Whether it’s your best or your worst, I love you either way. Because when you truly love someone you’ll accept both flaws and qualities because those two things are what makes us humans. I’ll cry with you when you are, I’ll laugh when you’ll smile, I’ll comfort you in your losses and celebrate your successes and I know you’ll do the same for me, because I trust you.

I would tell you about my biggest fears, my wildest dreams, my hardest memories, pretty much everything and I know you’ll listen without any judgment because again, I trust and love you.

I don’t need to worry about you cheating or getting mad at me for a petty reason because I know that you’re not like that and that you wouldn’t do this to me. You have your issues but that’s fine, so do I. I know that I would tell you if you do anything that makes me uncomfortable and you’ll do your best to fix that, and I also know that you’ll do so as well.

Our relationship is not perfect, but it’s the one I want.

In five, ten or even twenty years, I’ll stay by your side if you’ll let me because I’ll want to.

I don’t feel the same way I did about you the first time I saw you but I now feel something that runs even deeper down. I may have lost the butterflies but I certainly didn’t lose my fear of watching you leave.

I don’t care what will happen next because I want to keep loving you, forever.”

Dream took a deep breath after that, cheeks coloured red. He smiled softly at Blue who was furiously wiping at his eyes.

“You’re seriously going to be the death of me one day.” He huffed, hugging him again. Then, he straightened up in a way that made his mouth stand right next to his ear. A quiet ‘thank you’ was let out, a thousand emotions swelling together in his voice. But Dream was right, they were going to be okay. “I love you too, so much, you have no idea.”

The blond hummed. “That wasn’t too cheesy though was it?”

“Oh it totally was but I love that, you should say those types of things more often.” Dream let out an embarrassed laugh, he would never be able to say those things on a daily basis, even with training. “Although… I really am sorry about the box and going inside the room without permission. I—“

Dream shut him up with a kiss. “I’ve already forgiven you, let it go already.”

Blue nodded but his expression immediately switched to a pout. “Alright but you definitely owe me warm cuddles. For the next two days I demand double the usual cuddles to make up for the last two.”

The winged man let out a laugh, the noise sounding like Heaven’s bells in Blue’s perspective. Dream pressed a quick kiss to his forehead before mindlessly playing with his hair. “That won’t be any problem.”

“And Dream?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I must have heard that twice since the last ten minutes sweetheart.”

“Important things should always be said twice so in that sense, Dream Dream—“

“Oh stop it you doof, you’re gonna make me blush.”

“Please, you know you love it.”

“You’re the one who said it, of course I will.”

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

good evening

could you tell us what it's like where you come from? how does that wolrd look? do you miss it?

Haha, yeah, I do miss it! But I don't really wish I had been born there – I don't have any sense of longing for the "old country," as it were. I've heard people say things like "oh, I miss my hometown so much, I wish I could go back" and it just doesn't feel that way for me.

The reason I don't post about it too much is mostly that I'm not really sure how to describe it, at least in a way that will be interesting to most of the people reading this blog. This is partly because I don't have a good sense of what my experiences are "like" for most people – I don't know whether I grew up in a particularly unusual way or whether most people's childhoods had similarly strange elements. (The weird home life I had is probably part of it.)

I'll see if I can say a little more, anyway.

I grew up in Portland, Oregon. There's a lot of weirdness there. It's a weird place in a lot of ways. It's got the same relationship to the rest of the West Coast as San Francisco does. It doesn't really feel like the Pacific Northwest to me, but it definitely feels like something. (Many people like it, it's just not for me.) And it has, like, those Portland stereotypes about hippies and so on, but there's a sort of credibility to that, I think? Like, there are a lot of wooey-sounding people, but not all of them are crunchy-granola types, just as not all of the grinchy-granolas are unusually crazy.

Some of the main features of my childhood that I think may have influenced me were that I was very much isolated from other people, and that my family life was extremely unstable. It was never exactly bad, but it was never really good, either. Lots of little problems, combined into a large aggregate problem, although my parents do a lot of shit that I can't complain about even now.

Both these things were related. My parents had no other family in the area, and had a hard time making friends. But I think that my family life would have been bad anyway, because even when I was a kid, I was already weird. I'm still extremely weird, but I think I have fewer interpersonal problems than I used to.

I guess I've always just had a lot of trouble controlling what I say and how I say it. I can't resist saying what I think, and I tend to say things in a way that people find difficult to accept. I have a pretty sharp "edge," and I have a lot of ideas that people find to be off-putting. I also have a low self-esteem, and I think that is part of what leads to my tendency to say things before I can think them through. I'm not saying this to complain, just to give a sense of what it's like.

I was also a precocious kid, which I think has influenced me a lot. And by this I mean, more than just being unusually intelligent or unusually good at school (though I was both of those) – I mean that I've always just had this uncanny feeling that I understood things in some profound way, that I had some special kind of connection to the world that let me see things in a new light.

I don't think this feeling has ever been very accurate, exactly. And I think this is part of why I've grown out of it to some extent – I see now that I'm wrong in some of my ideas a lot, and that I'm not always "seeing things in a new light," I'm just not seeing things very clearly. But my childhood self was very sure that he was getting things, and that helped me hold onto a certain vision of the world as something that could be understood in a way that other people weren't seeing.

(I feel like I'm skirting around things here, but I don't know how to combine all this in one coherent statement. Or I could, I suppose, but then it would be very long.)

Anyway. I'm sure there are many other things that could be said, but I don't think I can say them really well, and it probably doesn't matter that much. When I was growing up, I used to think that there was something wrong with me because I didn't fit in, but I've grown out of that now. I now believe that there are many things wrong with me, but none of them were, really, wrong with me. They were just my natural ways of being, the way I am.

And it's true, when I look back, it seems like I had so much and the world was so horrible, but if you asked me to go back in time and ask myself what I would do instead, I probably wouldn't do anything. The world was not really all that terrible. The bad parts were painful at the time, but this seems to be the same for everyone. I do have a tendency to say that I was somehow better than everyone else, which is probably not true, but I suspect it's mostly because I was lucky in a certain way – my problems, when they existed, were problems that could be solved by being very stubborn, but a lot of people are very unlucky in similar ways.

Is any of this of interest to the people reading this? I don't know, but that's a very old question.

[aeoki]

School Festival ☆ Tamayori’s Haunted Dollhouse - Chapter 8

Location: Hallway (In Front of Haunted House) Characters: Mika & Shuu

< A few hours later. >

Mika: Oshi-san, look, look! The line is huge~♪

Shuu: So what of it? You find joy in seeing a line? You truly are odd.

Mika: Ahaha… It’s not that. I was just happy to see the flyers were successful.

Shuu: Right, you and the two in “2wink” went off to hand out flyers, didn’t you? And that’s how you got Rei to help.

Mika: Yeah. The “Butler Cafe” is a huge success. There were around the same amount of people– no, maybe even more, linin’ up for it.

Ehehe, no wonder he’s your friend, Oshi-san ♪

Shuu: And what of it? …Good grief, don’t make me repeat myself.

You’re innocently pleased with everything but did you forget our reason for taking part in the “School Festival”? We’re doing this to win that reward for the best booth or performance.

The Boy said second and third place will also be rewarded.

But to think my creation will stand second or third best won’t make me happy at all. If anything, it would feel like an insult and I’d be extremely offended.

Mika: Yeah, I haven’t forgotten. But, you know~ Don’t you get happy seein’ your friend’s booth doin’ well?

It looks like Naru-chan’s booth is doin’ well too. Naru-chan told me about her booth and I felt happy since it sounded like I was there too ♪

Oshi-san, yer okay not payin’ a visit to the “Butler Cafe”? You went to see the Drama Club’s performance 'cause yer friend was performin’, right?

Shuu: Wataru invited me to watch so I had no choice but to go. Ahh, I suppose that isn’t quite right. I went to see how the outfit turned out and I watched the play while I was at it.

Mika: Geez, you sure are fussed about the trivial things… There’s nothin’ wrong with watchin’ a performance yer friend is in. I guess rather than being fussed about the details, you can be kinda difficult at times, huh.

But I also like that part about you, Oshi-san…♪

Shuu: Don’t create such a creepy atmosphere.

In any case, that’s the reason why I went to watch the performance. Ahh, just recalling it is embarrassing. If there is a hole, I would like to enter it.

Mika: Ngh, really? I thought it was really pretty ♪

The main actor who played Cinderella was a boy but they looked just like a girl… That means the outfit you made was really well made, right, Oshi-san?

Shuu: Hmph. You can fool a lot of people with makeup.

Mika: You might be right, but… If yer sayin’ yer embarrassed, I think the actor playin’ Cinderella must have been even more embarrassed.

Ahh, is that why their movements were kinda stiff? Your friend, “Ryuu-kun” was also movin’ really stiffly.

Shuu: That was simply lousy acting. Well, Wataru prefaced it by saying it was “truly a comedy”, so I suppose it was rather brilliant and successful as one.

But I don’t watch comedy so I don’t actually know if it was truly outstanding or not.

It seems the performance went smoothly so I’m sure Wataru was satisfied with just that.

Wataru won’t cut corners when it comes to theatre.

The actor who played Cinderella stood on stage until the very end and wasn’t forced to exit the stage in the middle, so I’m sure he is someone up to Wataru’s standards.

Mika: Ahaha, that sounds like one of yer friends, Oshi-san…♪

Oh… if we keep talkin’ outside the haunted house, people will think we’re in line.

Oshi-san, let’s go somewhere quiet.

Oh, but break time is almost up, huh. It’s a shame but we’ve gotta head back.

Shuu: It’s too early. Besides, we’ll be the ones to scare those visitors.

I don’t like noise. We can return to our work once there are fewer visitors.

Mika: Then, where do you wanna go? Hmm~ The “Butler Cafe”?

Shuu: Why that? It seems it’s made quite a name for itself as the sweets are exquisite and the tea is perfect, however.

The one who provided them with the tea leaves is none other than that damned Tenshouin! Ahh, I feel disgusted just mentioning his name!

If I could kill someone by cursing them to death, I’d say his name over and over again! Tenshouin, Tenshouin, damned Tenshouin!

Mika: O-Oshi-san, don’t make such a fuss so loudly~ Everyone’s wonderin’ what’s goin’ on and lookin’ our way! Nghh, I feel embarrassed just feelin’ their stares on me…!

Shuu: Embarrassed? Don’t say something ridiculous. You’re a failure as an idol if you don’t like attention.

Mika: No, it’s not that! A-Anyway, let’s get outta here!

Shuu: I don’t mind moving elsewhere, but where?

Mika: Huh? I’ll go wherever you wanna go, Oshi-san ♪

Shuu: You’re a doll with no independent will… I’ll rephrase that: Where do you want to go?

Mika: Ngh? Like I said, I wanna go where you wanna go, Oshi-san?

Shuu: I watched Wataru’s play already so there’s nowhere else I wish to go.

Mika: What? Nn~ That’s troublin’. If that’s the case, then I’ll decide where we go but is that okay?

Shuu: Will you not understand unless I say, “Do whatever you want. I’ll go with you to the places you want to visit.”? What a failure of a doll.

Mika: Sorry, Oshi-san. I don’t have much of a brain, so I won’t understand unless you tell it to me straight.

Ehehe… Then, let’s go outside. There'll probably be some stalls there. It’ll be a lotta fun~♪

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[uboat53]

Over the last… well, it's been a while… I've been thinking about the issue of women's rights and I think I've come to a realizing in that thought process that speaks to… well, all rights. So I'll do what I usually do, write it out to see if it still makes sense and then share it with people to see if they think of things I missed. Ready for a LONG RANT (TM)?

INTRODUCTION

I think we can all agree that women's rights are still a work in progress. On paper, women are equal in most of the western world, but I think most women would agree that there are fewer paths for career advancement, higher expectations of child-rearing and homemaking, and general misogyny pretty much all around. And, of course, there's the fact that most people in the world don't live in the west and women are even less equal in those parts of the world.

So, given all of that, I find myself wondering what would a truly gender-equal society look like and what would it take to get us there?

THE SOCIETAL

I think we can all agree that a good deal of what makes women unequal today is societal. When men don't promote women because they think that men are superior, that's because of how they were brought up in our society. When a woman is expected to stay home to take care of a child instead of work, that's an expectation of society. When a man attacks women because he feels that he's being denied female attention that he deserves, that's a message he gleaned from some part of our society.

I'm sure you could think of a thousand more examples, but that's exactly the point; a lot of what drives the inequality of women isn't inherent to anything, it's just a function of our society. In other words, it's an artificial construct we could change if we were willing to do so.

Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not saying it's easy. The progress we've made in the last century or so has been extraordinarily grinding and each step along the way has been like pulling teeth. But we've still done it. We have a lot more to go, but I think it's fair to say that the vast majority of issues in this category are solvable given the necessary time and effort.

THE BIOLOGICAL

On the other hand, there are also biological causes of women's inequality. No matter how equal we make our society, we are stuck with the reality that only one gender is required to undergo 9 months of massive bodily changes along with a substantial recovery period and all of the associated risk included with that in order to produce a child.

We are also stuck with the fact that, in daily life, there are far more complications, such as debilitating periods, associated more with female reproductive organs than male ones. Certainly this can be mitigated with better women's health care (a societal problem), but even then, the requirement to seek out health care is a burden that would fall unequally.

In other words, there are fundamental factors that are not the deliberate creation of human beings that would continue to impact the equality of women even if we were to completely address all of the factors that were the deliberate creation of humans.

THE MORAL QUANDARY

This raises the question: how should we deal with that? It certainly brings to mind the cartoon contrasting Equality, Equity, and Justice in which "Justice", the removal of structural burdens, may be impossible to achieve. Does that mean that Equity must be the goal?

I'll admit I don't have a great answer for that, but it does bring up an even broader question: how do we think we should approach situations in which the reason for inequality is out of the control of the individual and even society?

I mean, I think that there is a general agreement that a person affected by something through no fault of their own deserves consideration, even if we disagree about people who have some control over what happens to them, right? But what does that actually mean?

THE MORAL UNIVERSE

At the end of the day, what it comes down to is the question "is the universe moral?" And it turns out that that's a tougher question than it might seem.

You see, the obvious answer is "no". I think anyone who observes little kids with cancer, natural disasters, dictators, and any of the untold number of other bad things that happen to good people and good things that happen to bad people would have to admit that the universe, if it adheres to a morality at all, does not adhere to any form of morality accepted by human beings.

Yet, despite that, most people seem to hold tight to the belief that the universe, meaning the natural world as opposed to humanity, is moral, usually through some sort of religion or spirituality. What this means is that there is always some inclination toward the idea that any sort of misfortune springing from sources beyond a person's control is somehow "deserved", and this affects how we are willing to work to counteract it.

CONCLUSION

The more I think about it, the more I become convinced that true equality, not just in terms of gender, but in terms of every person being truly free to live to their greatest potential, requires us to let go of the idea that the universe/god/the-natural-world is moral. Only once we accept that morality is entirely a human invention (or, at least, an invention of sapient life) can we acknowledge that we have the responsibility, morally, to mitigate the immoral outcomes that occur naturally.

I don't think this is going to happen soon, in my experience people don't believe in the inherent morality of the universe because it's a well-reasoned position but because the idea that the universe is not inherently moral absolutely terrifies people to the point where they will accept just about any argument in order to avoid having to believe it.

What do you think? Am I missing something here?

[olderthannetfic]

I'm looking through now.

Yes! We launched the Supporter badge which is 29.99/yr or 2.99/mo. You can also subscribe to ad-free which is a similar price. Subscribing, and encouraging as many people to also subscribe is the best way to support Tumblr. If you do it on the web we pay less to Apple/Google. Out of the 11.5M monthly active users of Tumblr, only about 27k have subscribed, or about 0.2%. If that were 10 or 20% we could run the site forever.

Well, he's not wrong, but even 10% is a hell of a lot for any site. Much luck to him trying to engender that level of loyalty. That said, it's a pretty low yearly supporter fee.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Points for picking this extremely gay quote from an extremely gay poem. (You were "just friends", huh, Tennyson? Sure. Okay.)

The team has actually been performing really well in their work, which is why we aren't letting people go, they just haven't been getting results, which usually means we're working on the wrong things and we should try working on different things.

It's a nice sentiment. This is about what I expected, frankly. They tried to ~turn tumblr around~, but tumblr just isn't going to be profitable at an acceptable level, so they're not going to leave many active developers on it. This sounds like they'll run it as a legacy product for a while. I would not expect this to continue indefinitely, but it also doesn't sound like they'll kill it immediately.

Pretty amazing things in the social and messaging space have been accomplished with small teams, so I’m actually quite curious to see a smaller and more focused Tumblr’s performance in 2024

Definitely an attempt at positive spin, but it could also be a move to the only thing that has ever made sense for tumblr: run it as a much cheaper, smaller site for the die-hard users.

It's possible that this is all just hot air and they'll axe it entirely next year, but my guess is that they'll dick around for a few years, seeing what the financials look like with way fewer people working on it.

If they can just get costs down low enough and stop thinking tumblr can be intagram, they might have a prayer of keeping it open long term. I wouldn't hold my breath, but nothing here makes me immediately nervous either.

*cackling*

Yeah, honestly, based on the LJ example and others before, the only way tumblr fandom will disappear overnight is if the whole site goes down entirely and permanently...

...which I don't anticipate at this point based on the general level of stability (not great but not awful), the level of ongoing development (existing, like, at all), and what little I know of the company.

What I think we're more likely to see is another few years of decent community fueled by other sites shitting the bed (twitter, I'm looking at you) and then another few of hold-outs complaining that tumblr isn't popular anymore and wondering where everyone went.

Maybe 5 good years and 5+ bad ones if I had to pull a number out of my ass. (But, of course, it will depend on what other platforms are doing during that time, what new megafandoms form, etc.)

The smart fan will at least namesquat on other platforms before the end of the first of those phases and exchange some kind of non-tumblr contact info with tumblr friends.

There are fans who are still on LJ and really only on LJ today in 2023. There aren't a lot of them, and I wonder what the hell they're thinking, but as long as a site isn't literally gone, there's usually somebody who refuses to leave. There were still Yahoo Groups that were active when the site was deleted many, many, many years after it stopped being relevant.

I just think most people are happier if they at least keep feelers out so they don't get caught by surprise when every friend's contact info no longer works.

[ov105]

Pool Party

Wrote this to take my mind off the stress of semester’s end. I’ve been thinking about this after going to a pool since August. Since then I’ve gone through a million powerpoints, and created a billion more. It’s not easy being a social sciences student. And I’m here, writing 7,600 words paying attention to my horniness. Humans truly are an odd bunch.

7,644 words 

Enjoy.

"Oh yeah, Yujin's inviting you to her pool party later."

Ah, eighteen. The crossing of the Rubicon. Well, when you were seventeen, at least. I just nodded in reply, slipping out "yeah," to a friend while rolling through our textbook. Having forgotten to review the entire chapter, now I have only a thousand won note slipped on its opening page while rushing to reach the conclusions at the back of it. I probably just pushed everybody else's noise behind my head as I scanned the chapter before everything started. I barely memorized anything as I went and fell back to the classic tactic of letting keywords decide my answer. Everything else was a blur after that. The blue hues way above became darker, with the orange light breaking through the window panes as we all waited for 3:30 pm. Before that rang, Yujin came up to me, asking.

"Hey, what's your score?"

"22, you?"

"Higher," she replied, saying it with such proud conviction I almost shared it myself. I knew well I wouldn't score high, yet my brains made it in one piece. 

"Good job," Seeing that my little website referral made her life easier earlier. 

"Oh yeah, about later, who's coming along?" I asked, a bit puzzled. Perhaps trying to gain more comfort knowing that I may know everyone there, in any case, I get drunk. 

"Well, you know, the usual. You're the only other guy there, plus him," she replied, looking in the direction of a friend of ours. A credible crowd and a pool party, nothing can go wrong, right? It will. I was already betting that somebody would jump in the pool in their casual clothes, which was me at the last birthday party I attended. 

"Alright, tomorrow's Saturday anyway," I just said, with Yujin nodding in reply as she went back to her seat. I guess she did have a party planned after all. 

After that, the bell rang. The bug of getting home had bitten us as our class scrambled to get out, some briskly walking, and some going slow as they caught up with their friends. I had a few conversations about the more mundane things come Monday. I caught the metro on the way home as I saw other batchmates of ours try to crowd themselves into the bus and inevitably get stuck in traffic. It wasn't precisely as stark a difference trying to catch the train, though. Both were still close to jam-packed, even if it's been a year since every whitecoat advised us to stay at least a meter apart. I checked my phone as I clung on while the railcar rocked slightly at a hundred kilometers per hour. Being the fashion terrorist I am, I typed up "casual wear pool party" into the search box, trying to make sure I didn't look like I dressed up last minute, which was what I was going to do.

Coming home, I first jumped into my bed, having an hour or two before the sunset. Getting a good nap before I rolled out of bed, took a bath, and started to make a mess of my cabinet. If I had taken out the time I spent checking my phone, ten would've only been two minutes. The last thing I (or any guy) would do is always stand in front of the mirror, give ourselves a quick scan and pat down. Now is the year of birthday parties for people my age, all of us are turning 18, being in the 12th grade. It's pretty surreal we are to finish high school being seen as adults, but well, we already seem to think we act like one. 

Heading into the party, I took what probably was the same train there, though now with a lot fewer people that I could actually take a seat and maybe thought about things for a second as we went over the Han with a view of the 5 pm sunset going through the bridge's beams—matching my thoughts with the thunderous rolling sound of the rail over the girders. I guess now being invited and going alone to Yujin's birthday party wasn't exactly too different when she had her first blowout when she was seven. The last thing we would worry about is if we got our fractions right instead of filling in redundant pages of college application forms. 

Though I guess neither is a challenge for Yujin. Her energy never seems to fade. Such is Yudaeng. 

But now we were all much older, probably put some booze, and for others, cigarettes and vapes, into the mix, so might as well make the party last tomorrow. 

Now, Yujin and I were "equals," as our English tutor told us, that I was her and she was me. I guess it was because I did a lot of the heavy hauling in our more academic and reading-heavy classes. She was a somewhat faster runner and a more coordinated dancer than I was, though. The thing was that I could count more times we were classmates than we weren't, and while commonality wasn't something I would completely describe us, I was almost always her go-to "smart guy" to make sure she wasn't getting another F or D for that matter. Thankless, sure. But I don't complain. It gives me some purpose from time to time. My introspection ended itself as the PA announcement rang, and I had my cue. 

I was taking my time walking towards the party, now at some quieter neighborhood across the river, far out of where we lived. It wasn't shady or anything, but it was more subdued. Though I imagined nobody would want to go home later, I imagined what the place would look like at night. As I turned the corner and asked for directions, the lady I asked at the street pointed two floors up a faded white building. The pool was a part of the balcony above it, and what I assumed were the bedrooms below. I knew she was pretty rich, but not this rich, I thought to myself as I paced up the stairs, messaging her on my phone and slipping it in my short pocket.

Turning the final staircase, someone opened the door, and I looked up. It was Yujin, having swapped out the stuffy uniform for a more casual fit, shorts, and a tucked-in loose shirt, but nothing too extraordinary.

"You're a bit late, come on!" she beckoned me as I got up the stairs. I was greeted with a hug and saying another happy birthday as I returned it. It indeed was a chill atmosphere there. The same friend who told me about this was bent over the butane-flame grill trying not to mess the meat up. At the same time, her girlfriends were closer to the pool, an L-shape block of rooms behind it, the kitchen being right beside the staircase, with the pool and kitchen separated a bit by an open area where everybody was. It was comforting knowing every face. Taking a seat and was handed a cola before my neurons even linked to grab my phone and text home that I may just come home late.

Later, I stood up to be the 2nd man on the grill. The music wasn't too loud nor too obnoxious. I'd imagine none of the six of us wanted to confront an angry local breaking the party up. So that was it, two guys and four girls in their conversations as purple skies turned black. Yujin led the girls in laughter, being the fun and the hyperactive person she is. Meanwhile, I was just in banter with my mate while we waited for the meat to cook. We all kept it down a bit and just relaxed after midterms week, the test earlier being a last-minute addition.  

"You're almost done?" Yujin asked as she came up. 

"Almost, I mean, maybe?" I shrugged before reaching for chopsticks and offering it, "Wanna try?"

"Alright!" she replied with glee as she grabbed it from my hand. She was excited at the prospect of being the first one of us to eat, taking one of the middle pieces and eating it. She approved of it, and about fifteen minutes later, we began to stuff our faces full, maybe with some laughs and banter in between, but soon dying down as we got some more on our bowls, and later the banter came back again. It's been happening more and more now that we're getting back into things, getting used to how people talk and hearing them for who they are instead of conjuring voices that make me sleepless.

Later on, we all decided to take the beer out, though these were of the weak kind. Not that they tasted terrible, but much in the vein of would be called pisswater. Having that right malt taste, but otherwise, the only saving grace was that it was ice cold. I'd rather have an undermixed iced tea, but I digress. It was almost getting late. Ironically it must be the alcohol getting to me. After sitting down for about two hours, we all began to stand up and split up into our corners. 

The two girls went by themselves, talking as loudly as usual, then retreated to watch Netflix by themselves. Sliding doors shut, locked—two out. 

The lovebirds began the same way, and then a little frisky, then quite handsy. Then one of them just whispered into one another. I just sighed. I just hoped the rooms were soundproofed, taking another sip as their sliding door locked. 

I was then alone, taking out my phone and switching data on as I leaned back against the railing. 

"You wanna eat?"

"Again?"

"What else are we supposed to do?" Yujin said. To be fair to her, I wanted to ask the same thing. Maybe watching YouTube or sending memes to each other's phones would do. 

"There are leftovers, right?" I asked. Putting my leg down as I made the few steps to the kitchen, sliding the door open as Yujin went and probably got something for herself. Taking a seat as the microwave buzzed to life, I was a little surprised when she came back in. She had this smile on her face as if she had uncovered something. 

"Dang, you hear them?"

"What about it?"

"They're not having...sex? Right?" she said as she came close and pulled a seat beside me. Oh, you sweet summer puppy.

 "They are," I flatly replied, with a chuckle to voice both disbelief and surprise.

The microwave dinged after that, and as I put my fingers under a towel to open it, Yujin decided to test my remembrance of sex education at the worst time possible. She dropped the bomb on me as I put the noodles on the table. 

"How does it feel?"

"What do you mean by feel?" I said, air quotes as "feel" left my mouth. 

"How'd I know..," I replied, trailing off as my brain started to scramble and cover up the images of months past. I just sighed as Yujin waited on me. To think I was getting nervous being asked about my sex life by an analog nonetheless was just outrageous!

"Well, it feels good, I guess. Everybody's a little nervous at first." I replied, in hindsight, sounding more like a confession. Yujin just sounded wowed. For some reason, perhaps hearing it from a friend does sound different. 

"Good? What do you mean by good?" She prodded further, flashing a shy smile as if to trap me.

"Alright, I'm not a writer for nothing," I began, "You know that feeling when almost every hair on your body is raised, not because you're scared, but between it. The point of being nervous, but it feels so damn good. Your brain just gets caught up between feeling that and going instinctively that it, pretty much, freezes."

Her playfulness, having rolled over into curiosity, was only natural. And the honeytrap of asking about my budding sex life had hooked me by that point. Now I had little choice but to continue, though, in my defense, I asked. 

"Why are you even asking me this? I'm the worst guy you could ask," I calmly replied, though slightly defensive in my tone.

"What?" she replied, quite ridiculing me, "Haven't had a classmate ask you?" 

"The guys, yeah, but the girls? No." 

Yujin nodded, then left me hanging, scratching her nose as she looked down on her phone. She was thinking about something. Reaching for the chopsticks and pulling the noodles to me, not long after, I took my first slurp of it. She leaned back in, placed her hand on my thigh, looking quite shyly at me, she asked. 

"You want to join me in our room?"

What was, at our age, an odd request, something only someone more scared of the dark, or just feeling lonely, would ask. I was betting my choices, but if I knew anything, I immediately lit up my alarms. Questioning Yujin was not the course to be taken. 

"Sure."

Tapping my thigh to signal that she wanted me to come with her now, I put my food away and just laid my chopsticks on it. The pantry became quiet just as quickly as we left it. Trailing behind Yujin as she walked off to our room, it didn't feel too awkward. Looking around a bit, I thought I heard one of our friends moan again; it kicked back to a flashback to my first time myself. 

Mine was similar to tonight, but it was a far stranger companion, one of my cousin's friends. She wasn't much older than I was, but not far off. Yet anything I experienced as she toyed with me with her lips, hips, and just how she used her body against mine that night will always stick to me. I would admit my endurance was miserable at best. Whatever, I had sex anyway. I got sent to Hong Kong that one night and back. This was just my second time tonight, I was taking the lead, and I was nothing more than a jungle of nerves. 

The sound of lightly screeching metal and a lock turning split us from the rest of the world now. Our shoes remained outside, some of the lights were on, and the aircon was just winding up. Those were a giveaway that perhaps maybe, something was up. I turned around and pulled the thick curtains over the blinds, facing about to see Yujin standing there. Approaching her as the statuesque woman she was, we were equals, after all. Putting her hands on my chest and scaling up, her neck craning forward as if to kiss me, but I wasn't just about to get on with that. Moving back a bit, she stopped. 

"Save it for someone you like," I told her, though I needed to say something quick not to kill her spirits. 

"But, can I kiss you on your neck?" with Yujin softly lifting her chin as she allowed me. I went just right below her jaw with a few soft yet admittedly dry kisses. Moving down and having just put my lips, Yujin giggled, probably tickled as she slightly pushed on my chest. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, pulling back a bit. 

"Nothing, just getting a little tickled," she replied and so proved me correct. 

I told her to sit on me to save us the awkwardness of keeping standing against each other. I assured her that I wouldn't do anything "stupid" as she put me between her legs. She put her weight on me as she sat on my lap, both of us completely awkward. Though before I could put my hands on her hips to pull her close, she reached down for her shirt, pulled it up, and took it off. 

Now Yujin's body was normal, at least if being as tall as isn't accounted for. But now that the only thing keeping me away is a mere few inches of air and pinned down on this bed. It was a sight to behold from the well-matured woman she was. The way her thighs, built on the same bones that made her stand tall, stocky but toned, to hips that, while broad enough, were made discreet with a torso that matched it. It was an unreal, daringly perfect physique. She looked back at me as I gave her a look, though I was just trying to trace where my lips would go. She was just about to reach behind for her bra, so I stopped her. 

"Not yet."

I said before moving back onto her neck, trying to remember everything I was told months back as I trailed downward, my kisses on her skin far deeper and more playful. I wasn't there to tickle her. A quick diversion over her collarbone before marking my checkpoint at her mole, just as I gave it a second kiss, I heard a faint, shaky moan. So there it was. Pulling her slightly closer as I gave it a deeper kiss, and I listened to her breath get shaky. 

As I moved down, I could feel Yujin just watching me. Perhaps we were thinking the same thing as I came right down, leaning and pushing her forward, my lips just above her cleavage. How the hell did we get here? But before I could rationalize an answer to that, her hand clasped on my wrist and placed it close to her right tit. I took her cue as I wrapped it in my fingers and squeezed. She remained silent throughout, still shy and holding her moans in, but I felt her getting warmer as my lips and hands softened the awkward mess we were now. Thinking that it would only get more uncomfortable if I kept leaning forward, it was time to get more serious. 

"Lie down," I whispered to her as I sat straight. I moved aside and stood up to let Yujin get on the bed. By the time I had turned back around, she, too, was facing me. Trying to copy a sex scene I've seen in my head, I took a few steps forward, got into bed with her, and had my lips right back on her neck. Though we just crashed on the mattress but luckily didn't slam right into her. The tension broke as we laughed at the face of erotic disaster. Nope, that was no reenactment. 

 Continuing as my left hand now reached up to her left tit, softly squeezing and rubbing it as I continued kissing down her body. I puckered my lips and sucked on the soft flesh of her tits before kissing down her tummy, as far down as my lips took me right before her shorts. I was done. 

The only thing missing now was that Yujin wasn't naked. 

"You're okay taking everything off?" I asked. She just nodded in reply. Taking that, I went back in, now with both my lips and tongue doing the work as I have heard again and again; keep up with the foreplay. My hand was instead trying to get behind her, feeling my fingers poking her sides. She lifted her back up and let my hands slide in. It was a little awkward as I tried to unhook her bra, getting after a few seconds or so then hovered above her. Yujin moved her shoulders and slid her straps off but kept her forearms close to her chest. I had a long way to go. 

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"I don't know. I've never done this before," Yujin shyly replied, rubbing her forearms. Well, I was too. I was just in the same position a while ago. And well, I had little else to say. 

"Hey, I don't know this either," I told her. She just lightly scoffed at me.

"I don't know, my ass, I'm not almost topless for nothing," she replied, and with me between her legs and my arms already straining as I hovered above her. She was anything but wrong. I was a neuron away from telling her we should just back off, but Yujin beat me to it. Putting her forearms away, she slipped a finger into her bra and swung it to nowhere as I remained fixed on her.

They hung free, a perky pair of tits with well-colored areolas. My face immediately went for them as I wrapped my tongue around Yujin's nipples and tugged at them as I began to suck, my lips puckering right against her areolas. As if to respond to my tugging, Yujin slightly lifted upward. As I flicked on her nipple, she moaned. Then I slipped my free hand between her legs, pressing down hard on the fabric of her shorts as if to knock on her. After all, It was only two layers beneath. And to only drive my libido even higher, my fingertips only feel her warmth.

Then I began drawing circles with my fingers, and she cried out and squealed. It was a more sensual, not erotic release as she writhed, biting her lip but still moaning loudly. With my mouth clamped shut on her left tit and fingers bearing right against her pussy, she didn't want to push me away. But just like I was, I could do nothing in the face of pleasure. Just right after, I moved to her right tit and kept a good eye on her. Yujin's hands moved under me and unbuttoned her shorts, but before she could hold the hem of it, I softly squeezed her forearm to tell her that I'd do it. 

Giving one last suckle on Yujin's tits and a few kisses on her stomach later. My fingers found themselves hooked between her shorts and panties as I pulled them back, her legs straightening to get them off cleanly. As the final piece of clothing dropped on the edge of the bed, I dove low and between Yujin's now bare legs. In the first place, she didn't precisely close them. As I parked right in front of her pussy, it looked a little shy of a few weeks of shaving. Being as gullible as I am under nerves, I asked.

"This isn't your first time being eaten out, right?" She's had a boyfriend before, so I expected a nod. However, Yujin shook her head. 

"I see it in porn a lot. I tried rubbing myself a few times, felt something, but never really came," she dejectedly stated. That didn't seem too believable, but alright, now I had something to do.

"You ready?" I then asked.

She just nodded, and down I went. 

As I gave her the first lick, I remembered that eating Yujin out wasn't on my mental schedule, nor ever on my fantasies since I had hit puberty. After all, she was only a good friend. Now was a little more than that. And I've only seen the stuff I'm doing now in adult videos. Though if there was anything different from the way I was licking upward and drawing circles around her clit, it was that she sounded far quieter, more bearable, and gladly, more regular and human than the actors I'd seen. On the other hand, the sight of her friend eating her out had us forced to be a lot less sensible and just be simply horny. 

Tracing around her folds as Yujin continued to moan. But because it was her first time to be touched like this, she might as well have gone insane. She bit hard on her lips as I continued eating her out, beginning to taste salt not long after as she writhed ever so slightly. I thought of fingering her, but at the moment, I thought I'd rather save penetration for my penis instead. For now, my hands held her and traveled upward to keep squeezing on her tits as I put my tongue against her pussy. Now I put my all into it as I pressed my tongue against her clit, but I continued to trace her folds with the tip of it.

Her hips moved, jerking right up against me and inadvertently driving me deeper against her clit. It didn't help that her smaller jerks pushed her hips against me while my tongue did the same. It only multiplied the friction for herself. She just moaned and whimpered as she began to leak. That's one way to hasten your first non-solo orgasm. 

Licking past the fluids the Yujin was secreting, she was getting more vocal and pronounced in her movements. Her thighs began to close in on my ears as she rumbled back and forth on the mattress. Not to mention the drippings I had to wipe off my lips ever so often as she let her body speak for itself. My tongue is the suspect of it all.

In a matter of a few seconds, she was hitting an almost uncontrollable fever pitch. Her eyes shut, her mouth hung open, the release of her lustful moans filling the air as her torso waved and her hips and I struggled to keep her from completely flying away. It was only delaying the inevitable. 

"-fuck," Yujin weakly said, biting her lip but immediately letting out a moan that only told the obvious.

Continuing my assault on her senses, I rounded her clit faster. Yujin had slipped into orgasm, her moans drawn out and erotic, her entire physique rocking the bed as my deeds paid themselves off. Calling my name out as her legs folded back and her feet, much like her hands, scrambled to hold on to something as her toes curled, with fingers grabbing my hair and the sheets. Her thighs were just about to crush my head as her hand suddenly grabbed on my hair and hung on to me for her dear life. Arching and throwing her head back as her juices leaked as she shook herself loose. She just sighed as her orgasm passed. Plopping down on the bed as she finished, having had her few seconds of high heaven as her chest pumped itself of air, her body had turned into jelly from a powerful release. 

I slowly pulled myself back to watch the orgasmic mess that was Yujin. After wiping my lips clean of her, I asked.

"How's that?"

"Fucking amazing."

She was breathless, hands moving around her face as if she couldn't believe what had just happened. I just let her be. I was just as tired with my tongue. That's it. I just made a friend cum probably a little too hard on my second sexual encounter. 

"Well, what do you want to do next?" I said. Now fully taking up my role as the guide.

"Blowjob?" Yujin said. Her lips were moistened from her lip biting earlier. Our gazes met to tell me that she was eager to try me for herself. But unlike eating pussy, I knew what I wanted with a blowjob. I just beckoned to her to come over as I unbuttoned my shorts. The only thing she had to do was pull it down. I just waited as she rolled off the bed and then stood right in front of me. 

A naked, glowing Yujin was an image that left me without words; what a woman. 

Kneeling and taking my shorts with her, the sight and touch of her hands wrapping my penis sent a slight shot of electricity up my body. It's been a while since it wasn't me touching myself or touched at all. Held it as she began to stroke, or at least try stroking it. Telling her that it'd be better to sit, and I did. Yujin seemed like she knew what to do. 

She took a shy lick on the tip, tugging it upward as she tried copying whoever actress she'd seen. Though once her lips wrapped around my glans, I was split whether I was feeling pleasure or pressure to tell her to get it right. For a moment, I thought she had it under control as I felt my tip getting wetter but was dashed the moment my shaft was uncomfortably squeezed, and I shrieked.

"Don't squeeze it too hard. Just keep stroking, and be gentle," I told Yujin, and before I was even done, she was already getting the hang of it. Keeping her gaze at me as I approved of her, and then I appreciated how soft her hands were. It was better than any fleshlight I threw money at or any fully erotic masturbation fantasy I would dream up at 2 am. All Yujin had to do was keep doing what she had to do, and I was trying to get used to her giving me pleasure as I slowly got erect, my butt slightly clenching as she went. 

"Do I spit on this?" she asked not long after, having begun to feel like some assisted handjob rather than anything. My cock was already hard enough, but that looked a little too lewd for my taste, so I decided to take it even further.

"Slowly wrap your lips around it," I told her instead. I coached her as she leaned forward. Kissing the tip of my cock before pushing herself forward, her lips parting around my tip and tongue sliding under it. It looked a little awkward at first as she kept waiting on me. I just told her to start. Though I left "start" on a vague note, Yujin began to bob up and down slowly. And with her tongue placed right under my supposed sensitive spot, I suddenly twitched inside her mouth. She just giggled and stopped before continuing, and now she knew where to hit. 

There wasn't much to be done after that. Yujin just softly bobbed her head with my cock on her mouth. Beginning to suck as she got a little deeper, yet I kept telling her to do it as far she felt comfortable. Comfortable, however, rhymes with daring in Yujin's mind, going deeper and pressing her tongue against my cock as she did. After trying to control myself and not react quickly to the way she slid and wrapped me. I couldn't hold it anymore and let out a moan. I sat back as I felt my world shaking under a virgin's mouth. 

That only told her to go faster, maybe a little too fast. She didn't know she was bringing me into an orgasm I didn't want. 

"Don't you want to save me for later?" I quipped as I laid my hand on Yujin's shoulders. She took me out of her mouth, and after wiping her lips, replied. 

"Oh, sorry, I was almost carried away," and after taking a look at my slobbered member, asked, "That felt pretty good, didn't it?" 

I just scoffed and nodded. Yujin smirked and got a bit bashful. To be fair, it isn't the norm to compliment anyone for giving amazing blowjobs the very first try. 

"You have a condom, right?" she then asked me. I just pointed to my pocket. A little bit of rummaging in the slots, she pulled out the sachet and tore it twice. Had she bit down a bit harder, the whole plastic would've been ripped, and we'd have to walk the wire. Giving my cock one last lick of her tongue for, in her words, "insurance."

"This feels so weird," Yujin said as she slowly rolled it down my cock, "Do you even feel anything under this?" she asked. I just shrugged. 

She paused as my cock stood, covered, ready to penetrate her. Haywire, that's what our minds were. I'm going to have sex with Ahn Yujin, and she's going to let me into her. My thought process was just scrambling and going code red as she led me to the bed. I reached for the switches and left only the bed lights, bathing us in a golden shower of light, looking to the side to see our shadow, man atop woman. As I planted my knees, she opened her legs and pulled me towards her. Both of us looked down as I brought my cock closer. 

It was so quiet we could hear each other breathe. The silence only broke as Yujin gave me a warning.

"Be careful." 

I just nodded, oddly solemn, like I was going down to a dark basement and had to run back without my candle going out. After all, Yujin asked me to penetrate her now; there's no more excellent comparison to being led into the dark. 

I placed the tip of my cock against her folds. It was a warm, slippery opening, folds parting, and I pushed inside in an instant, barely able to feel anything. Yujin whimpered, and I pulled back. She nodded as I gave her a look. I felt the plastic on my tip get moist as I pushed myself against and back inside her. Inch by inch, I broke into her, feeling the choking, mind-numbing warmth and pleasure that I couldn't help but let out a moan as I stopped. 

"You alright?" I asked. 

"Just keep going," Yujin ordered me. Moving slowly enough but not from inserting my entire shaft and probably undoing everything. She also began to moan as soon as I did, though pained as her walls were parted. I kept it to that pace, trying to control myself from going ultimately ape as I let her become comfortable. As she did, I bent down and let that paceMy hips had a mind of their own while her hands moved from around me, coming right to my shoulders and pulling me close. My face was right against her shoulder, hiding my lip bite, as our brains were barely struggling to keep up with our sensuality. 

There was nothing more but the sound of sex after that. Yujin's moans slowly converted from pain into pleasure. She loosened up from under me and got wetter as I slowly continued. Even if I had plastic over my cock she was just so wet I could feel her through it. Her hands slid down as if to tell me to go deeper, and not long after, I was moaning too. Having had to close my eyes to take it all in. 

"Ah, fuck, that feels so good," Yujin said, biting her lip as I thrust into her. She was getting the hang of it. She looked at me and probably expected a reply as she could read the pleasure on my face. I just had to conjure something.

I just smiled and thrust deep as I could. Yujin broke her gaze, moaned, and threw her head back. I kissed her on the neck as she presented it. Coupling that with deep thrusts had her shaking right under me, pulling, sucking me closer into her. I wish she gave a warning next time; that felt too fucking good. Then I thought of something, thinking I only had a minute left in me. Giving her neck one last kiss, I straightened my back and put my weight on my legs, looking down to see my member thrusting in and out of her. For a second, I thought I saw a smidge of blood on the condom, so she wasn't lying after all. However, we were past that now as her body and face shifted, mired and tangled in the welcoming, intoxicating embrace of sex. 

"You wanna switch?" I whispered, just nodded, and I pulled out. 

Yujin slipped a finger between her legs to see how wet she'd become. Rubbing her fingers as she was, for lack of a better word, shocked by her sticky fluids. 

"I guess this is why it feels good, huh?"  

"Yep, we have to keep going so it'd feel better, come on," I told her as she turned around and bent over. For a moment, I remembered how she always made most jeans look skinny, even when they weren't meant to be. That ass right before me is why. I caressed and felt it for how thick it was while Yujin grabbed a pillow, then discarding it as I coached her into the "perfect" position.

Hands firm on the bed, back slightly bent down, and legs comfortably wide apart, I lined up into Yujin. With her pussy giving itself away, I pushed myself back inside. I wasn't one to wait as I did, grabbing her hips as she gasped and began and thrusting slightly faster than earlier. I was more confident that I wouldn't bust. Though that was quickly disproved when I felt a single twitch shoot up electricity and feel my fingers digging into her skin, and like an idiot, thrust and twitched again, now moaning in unison with her. 

Yujin turned to look at me as I slowly settled into a rhythm. Both of us gave mischievous looks as I kept fucking her, having to turn away and moan into a pillow as she got used to the sensation. The thing is, even when she was loose, she never lost her tightness. She was painfully tight but kept me coming back for more. The perfect ounce of flesh enrapturing me yet barely keeping me from losing myself. I felt like I couldn't go any faster without cumming myself, but I wanted her to feel good. And from the from the moaning, shaking, moaning, dripping mess that I was penetrating. I have more than succeeded.

Plopping face-down on the bed, hands clinging onto the sheets to it as her body pistoned against me. Yujin must've just kept her eyes on me the entire time, just watching and, when she wasn't, feeling me inside her. Though whenever our eyes met, she was smiling or smirking at me oddly, like I was some maniac. She spoke up not long after.

"You're having quite a time, aren't you?"

"Because I'm fucking you," I managed to say between breaths. Around five more thrusts later. I stopped, tugged on Yujin's arm, and told her to come up to me. Yujin processed it for around five seconds before I got a better word, "put your back up to me," and she did. I was just trying to follow something I vaguely remember. Once she did, I slipped my arms up against her tits and pulled her close to me. Her hands then unexpectedly found themselves on my neck and wrist as I began to thrust again. It was a lot more awkward without any kissing, but she held on still. 

Now we didn't just feel each other. Now we could hear every last sound of ourselves. A carnal chorus; Though like every other one, never lasts enough to leave one fully satisfied.

I lasted just shy of half a minute before our hands got tired, and the position got a little harder to maintain by the millisecond. I stopped when I couldn't go anymore. And amidst huffing breaths, I asked. 

"You wanna ride me?" I asked. Yujin, also catching her breath, nodded. I pulled out of her and sat back. Not only was there a sheen of her fluids on my cock, but a faint sheen of sweat on my forehead, wiping it with my wrist as I lay down. I was spent by that point.

Yujin then straddled me, with the light illuminating the inside of her thigh, which was dripping wet as it got closer to her crotch. She didn't need to be told as her palm put itself just below my tummy, the other hand guiding my cock towards her. As she put me back inside, her eyes went wide, then shut and exhaled, moaning as she sat down and filled herself with my entire cock—something I hadn't done. My breath shook in unison, and fingers fumbled to hold on to something as she began to move on top of me. 

"We should've done this earlier," she said, beginning to bounce on me sloppily. Arms to the side, giving me the freedom to put my hand on her hips and the other to squeeze her tits. She was moaning far louder now, but I couldn't blame her as I was stifling myself too. My cock was just sliding perfectly against her, and she had some magic that was slowly making me lose it.

We were watching one another as she continued to fuck me, her hand sliding through her hair as it began to mess itself up. There was a problem as Yujin was going too fast for me, finding myself far more challenging to control. I told her to slow down as I sat up, with her surprised a bit as her hands wrapped around my shoulders. At that moment, I twitched inside her. It was soon game over for me. 

"Did you cum?" Yujin asked. 

"Soon," I replied. Now it was a question of whether or not Yujin would cum again, but I knew I was due soon. Feeling that tightening pit in my lower regions that were only subject to a single flick to spill. 

"Just go slower, let's not fuck this up," I told her as I dove down, her leaning back so I could get to her nipples. As she began to roll her hips again, I was far more aggressive with my tongue on her nipple, bringing up and squeezing her tit with my hand and hoping I could last long enough. That was despite already outlasting my earlier guesses. It was ironic that I didn't want her to fuck it up but keep fucking me still.

Quickly changing tactics as I put her up straight again, now just kissing Yujin's neck as she rolled her hips slowly against mine. Knowing my ear was just next to her, I could hear her whisper one thing as she discreetly, then dramatically. While her entirety, her soul shook, she whispered; I think I'm cumming. 

I held her closer and kissed her neck deeper as she wrapped her hand around my nape, tugged me closer, and sang me her sensual swansong. Just when we thought we had control over our young bodies. I pulled away a bit and filled my lungs with air as I was soon to empty myself. It was just enough to glimpse Yujin's face as she looked down and brushed her hair. She gave me that shy look as if she felt bad that I was under her mercy. I took my chances and went for her neck. Just resuming the same thing we had done a moment ago, 

The way Yujin and I slowly slipped away and was just driving her hips and pressing her chest against mine on the mere instinct of a creeping orgasm, knowing I was to go down with her. Her walls tightened as her movements became more pronounced. I swore I could feel juices dripping down my balls as she used me to reach cloud nine again. Even I let out a moan as we both shook, slowly unraveling myself as she reached her peak. 

After an unintelligible whisper, Yujin's body froze, and her fingers dug into me, her jaw probably unhinged itself as she let out a moan that was all pleasure, relief, and a tinge of pain at once. As she did, I followed too. Shutting my eyes, seeing white as I got seared in her heat, jaw silently dropping as the proper shocks shot down into my cock. Shaking and almost biting into her neck as I stiffened and twitched violently, squeezing her tits as I shot thick spurt after spurt of sperm into the condom as she rode against it, giving me, until that point, the hardest orgasm of my life. She was pulsating a bit as she came down from her orgasm, only forcing every last drop out of me. It was a short moment, not more than a minute, as neither she nor I were there. Both of us ended up shocked, revived, exasperated, and exhausted at once. 

We were just in an embrace after the fact. Perched on each other's shoulders as we huffed and puffed. Speechless. I couldn't feel much of my lower regions as our libido withered away. Of course, as a result of our shared orgasm, that'd make nuclear fission blush. I wouldn't expect a second go at it. 

Neither of us made a peep as Yujin got off me. Her juices trickled off her the moment she pulled herself out. That was when we broke. She was genuinely shocked she could've gotten that wet, even more so with the filled condom that it left behind. I knew I shot a lot, but not by that much. I volunteered to take it off myself as I moved to the edge of the bed, pulling it off in a wet snap. The blood I thought I'd seen earlier was almost overrun with the rest of her juices. 

"Damn, I'm gonna remember the last ten minutes for a long time," I told her as I held it up. Yujin became bashful as she couldn't think; during her first time, she'd fuck the guy probably a bit too hard. It was more erotic for me. 

Being the humans we were, and knowing Yujin and I both cleaned and dressed up, and left the room to get food. We just decided to change the bedsheets after we'd eaten, as it was stained with us. As I turned to lock on the sliding door, I just remembered that we were supposed to eat, but instead, we had sex—what a night. 

"That wasn't too painful, wasn't it?" I asked Yujin as I came alongside her. She just shook her head and turned to look at me, shyly smiling.

"I'd rather have you do it again," she answered. 

[imaeraser]

Hello there

Can I please get the straw hats reaction to reader who is an marine admiral quitting the marine and wanting to join the them

Gender neutral please

Thanks for the request!

Luffy

He is ecstatic

Another crew member that he can hold dear to his heart

Unlike most of the crew, you came willingly

Of course, this caused the crew to be suspicious, but Luffy is bouncing around with excitement

I mean he already has two people in the navy who like him, what could go wrong by accepting an Admiral into his crew?

“Show me that move again!” He will constantly be watching you train, and ogle in awe at the amount of strength you have

But be warned, once you show him it once, you’re gonna have to do it again

You’re gonna have to get used to the chaotic nature of Luffy and his “plans” because it isn’t structured like the Navy

But that also gives you more freedom to do what you want… as long as you help/save Luffy on the way

He’ll kinda treat you like a new toy, and after that wears off he’ll treat you like the rest of the crew

Don’t delude yourself though, he is still your captain, and when in desperate situations he will get serious with you (another thing you have to get used to)

8/10 is not bad, but he needs to chill a little— can’t blame him though, you are an ex-navy admiral

Zoro

Opposite of Luffy

Not excited, but suspicious and a little angry

Sure it may be nice to have one less “enemy” and one more crew member, but he is on edge about your allegiance

You could be a spy for all he knows or an underhand way for the navy to kill Luffy and his crew

And he won’t be having any of that

He’ll be taking fewer naps, and opt to watch you instead. He’ll always be tense around you. He’s getting ready in case you attack

He won’t say anything since his captain already accepted you, but that doesn’t mean he’ll welcome you

Don’t think that trying to suck up to him will help you either. He’ll accept whatever you offer (ex: money for a sword), but he’ll only see that as you trying to gain his trust to backstab him later

The only way for you to gain his trust is to a) give them your backstory and why you quit the navy and joined them b) Stay with them long enough to just naturally become a member (as well as help them in ways that hurt the navy— several times) c) nearly die trying to save someone from the crew

After one or a combination of all of those things, he will no longer question you and relax and open up a bit

You’ll know that the first mate trusts you when he’ll share a cup of sake and take a nap— right in front of you

3/10 the only good this is that he’s not cutting your gut open

Nami

She is also suspicious of you too, but she hides it better than Zoro

Instead, she’ll leave the watching to Zoro, and go to Robin to discuss her worries (they are such an iconic duo)

Nami knows that Luffy will accept anyone onto the crew, so she feels responsible for making sure it’s in the best interests of the Strawhats

She’ll weigh the pros and cons carefully and advise everyone to be careful, but at the end of the day Luffy listens to no one

She won’t outright shun you, but she’ll be wary around you

That is until… you give her money

This tactic may not work on Zoro, but it will work on her

All of a sudden you’re her new favorite person

Just sit out on the deck with Nami and Robin and listen to Nami talk about how stupid the rest of the crew is

If you make cool-headed decisions and can stop the crew from getting into disasters, Nami will forever be thankful

It might take a while for her to warm up, but when she does (or when you give her money) be prepared for a feisty friend

7/10 can be unwelcoming, but it doesn’t take much to win her over

Usopp

Like everyone except Luffy, he is wary (and mostly scared, you could beat him up)

Seeing his nervous and pessimistic nature, he would not believe that you are on their side

He’ll try to act cool and distrusting, but once he sees you do something funny he’ll buckle

Bad people can’t be funny - Usopp. At least that’s what he seems to think

If you mess around with him, Chopper, and Luffy you’re good

No suspicions after

He’ll show you his inventions and will prank you from time to time

He’ll welcome you with wide arms

(He’s just glad that he doesn’t have to fight someone so powerful)

He act’s pretty normal

He just treats you like any other crew member

8/10 fun, until he tests out a new invention on you

Sanji

Isn’t really on edge

He knows that he can’t change Luffy’s mind so he won’t bother trying

Of course, he’ll be careful, but he trusts that the crew can handle it if something does arise

As long as you appreciate his food you’re fine

Just don’t waste it

Because if you do, that’s when his unwelcoming side comes out

But I don’t think that’ll be a problem, because his food is amazing

6/10 he is pretty indifferent

Chopper

Is nervous, but if Luffy gives the okay, then it's okay

...right?

Is confused on why you would quit the navy and join a pirate group (just like the rest of them), but he doesn’t ask why

If you get hurt, ad go to him he’ll treat you

Then compliment him and he’ll get all gushy

The moral of the story— just compliment him and you’ll be fine

Hang out with him, Usopp, and Luffy—> and the goofy trio will become a quartet

Make him Cotton-candy and he’ll let you pat his head

It truly isn’t too different from how he treats everyone else, aside from the rocky beginning

He is amazed at how strong you are

(And then he thinks about how difficult things could’ve been if you stayed in the navy)

8/10 nothing to complain about here

Robin

Isn’t on edge

After all, didn't she join similarly?

And she knows that Luffy will do what he wants to do, so she’ll just stick to reading her books

I feel like she would be the most welcoming (without having to do anything on your part)

You can come to her and talk about how you feel like you are somewhat an outcast in the group, and she’ll listen and sympathize

You guys could relate to a lot of things

This doesn't mean she isn’t watching you

She is very observant due to the way she grew up, and old habits die hard

But don’t be too sad, she watches everyone (mostly to make sure no one gets hurt)

If you ask her she’ll give you tips on how to win over each of the crew members

She would know because she had to do it

10/10 super helpful and welcoming

Franky

I can see him being suspicious, but not caring

Again, no one can control Luffy, so he’s just gonna do whatever he usually does

He’ll let you watch him, and help him out with whatever

He’ll joke around, and act pretty normal

He’s still suspicious but he is too super to care

Because he also trusts that the crew can handle anything if things go south

If you can connect him with Vegapunk, I think you would be his favorite person

That’s because he can make more beams

Giving him cola would also help ease his suspicions

6/10 Like Sanji he’s indifferent

Brook

Will quirk a non-existing eyebrow, but your joining would not be the strangest thing he’s seen

He’s gonna try to be welcoming and get you settled since many other members are still on edge around you

He knows that Luffy wants you on the crew, so he’ll do everything in his power to try and make you as comfortable as possible

But he will not hesitate to protect the crew if he thinks you are up to something

His loyalty lies with them, and not you— yet

He can’t afford to lose his crew again, don't be upset about it

But after sailing around for a while, he’ll accept you into the family

I can see you two having tea time, while he asks you what it was like being a navy admiral

And he will admire the fact that you were able to attain such a high rank and respect you as such

9/10 is not bad, and he’ll hide his suspensions well

Jinbei

Does not think it’s a smart idea to accept you on the crew

And he will voice his opinions

But don't worry, Luffy won’t listen anyway

Seeing as he is an ex-warlord of the sea, he would probably somewhat know you. Or at least heard about you before

He just doesn't trust that an admiral would drop their position to sail with the Strawhats

He won’t show his distrust like Zoro (he’s more mature than that), but that doesn't mean it’s not there

He just wants whatever is in the best interest of Luffy

But what is done is done, so he does try his best to push aside his preconceived notions and get to know you and welcome you

Like Zoro, he wouldn’t trust you until you prove your loyalty

I can see him joining the Brook tea times, and listening in on what life was like as and Admiral

And if you’re lucky he’ll share what it was like on Fishman island

8/10 nothing to complain about, other than him being a bit cold

[griim]

Oh, here was his sense of humor. Gemma knew there had to be at least a joke or two in him. Arms cross over her chest as she continues to try to get a read on this man. However, something is keeping her out. Maybe he lied enough to himself? Like she did. Because there had to be more to him, especially with how Matt spoke to her, not that she would ask him a million questions, but it would become overly suspicious after the fifth question. “Well, I am talking to one right now. Though it could all be an act. And in reality, you are a bad guy pretending to be nice right now. And wouldn’t that be a shitty way to end my day?” Chuckling, she figured that if Matt was a bad person, he must not be ALL that bad. After the beating he took, Gemma could not imagine he was a threat on the streets. Though, that was not where most of the monsters in the city were. Many of them rarely got their hands dirty. That was where she used to come in, but not anymore. No, she stopped those people before they could ruin any more lives. Or, at least, attempted to.

“You have a point, though I pushed mine away. I blamed myself so much that I figured my friends were better off without me. But you have a good point, small groups of friends are better than large circles. Fewer people who you can’t trust.” There goes her paranoia again, though paranoia was only bad if you did not have people after you and Gemma did. Smirking, she quickly glanced at him, a look of confusion sweeping over her face, “are you saying you want to be my friend?” Wow, Gemma did not realize it was that easy to make a friend. Maybe she was a natural at it.

‘You do not know that, Matt. No one does. That is the shitty part about life. Bad things happen no matter how hard you try.’ Gemma signed, eyes quickly returning to her drink, wanting to forget about her failures, though they constantly plagued her. Even if she worked hard to right the wrongs, “No one can be sure they don’t happen, Matt. I mean, yeah, I learn from them and try my best not to let them happen again but isn’t that how life is? No guarantees?” The woman questions, shifting in her seat, “And yea, I guess you can say it had a pretty big impact on me. More than people think, even when I tell them that it did. Most laugh.” Pity that they did not believe her, but that did not mean she would not prove to everyone that she was changing. “Replay more than that and every time… It seems I fall short, and it feels like I am not good enough.”

‘It's because you aren’t, Gemma. You are broken.' She reminds herself, ‘You break others so they can feel how you do. Father was right.’

Her hand clenched around the glass before she continued, “But I guess as you said. You gotta fall on your face and get back up. For a lawyer, you seem to know a lot about this stuff. What did you do before you were a lawyer? Or are you just this wise?” The woman teased a little, “Because I am sure you can get a job working at a fortune cookie factory.” Gemma tried to ease the tension within her, “Trust you, huh? Are we moving to that part of the friendship?” Once again, she teased, “Though that Father, he probably is right. Though I was never one for religion, I sometimes think god failed me.” After that, she fell silent, realizing that religion might not be a topic Gemma should start with someone she just met.

“I know they do, the whole butterfly effect thing. I continuously blame myself because I should stop it. And, I know, that sounds incredibly selfish of me. But- But after what I went through and what I’ve done, I don’t want anyone else to suffer like I did.” Gemma wanted to be there for someone who called out, especially because she knew that not many heroes or emergency services people would help those whose screams they neglected to hear. But Gemma, she ‘heard’ them all. “Though I think you are on to something, mourn the loss but keep fighting the war. I guess, I lost a bit of myself over the years. I used to think that way, but I guess when you see it around you. Your failures, it tends to be harder to ignore.” The more she speaks to Matt, the more Gemma is piecing things together. How else would he be this wise with certain things?

“Glad that you are open to it, and this time, let’s hope it’s on better grounds than you getting beat up.” Noticing the smile, she glanced at the phone. Right, he could not type her number in. “Alright, I will.” Quickly Gemma added her number and sent herself a message, “Here you go. I put my information in there, you know, if you have time one day, I could make a phone for you that might help make things easier.” Gemma was not opposed to helping with that. Technology is something Gemma loved and did to pass the time, so it would not be too much trouble to attempt it.

“How long have you been boxing?” Maybe she could see him fight or at least, well train or something. She always enjoyed watching others fight. It was how she picked up techniques that she did not yet know. “Oh, you think so? If you have a pretty mean punch like you say you do. You might land a good one on me.” Gemma laughed, “Though you got a point. I wouldn’t want to tell people I knocked out a blind man. That might get me arrested or barred from fighting groups, but I am sure you might stand a chance. And hey, the bag does move, especially when you hit it. So there has to be some sixth sense there.” Not that she was alluding to any powers. Gemma meant timing or something like good timing.

Huh, that was very brave of him. Most lawyers were cowards and used the law to keep themselves out of ‘trouble,’ so to speak. “Well, that is very noble. I don't know many people who would do that. Especially lawyers. Most are in it for the money, but you seem to do it because you believe in the law.” Gemma takes another drink and cleared her throat, “Have any fun cases you are allowed to talk about? You know, funny ones? I don’t think all your cases are about murder and shit, or are they? I mean, after two years, you have to have had some crazy cases.”

@blindbastard

“Nice people in New York? If you find them you really have to tell me where.” A grin tugs at his lips. Surely, they aren’t all bad. Matt meets more than enough people that he deems deserving of their help. Every day. So much so that he usually is okay with letting them get away without pay. There have been days where the only pay they received were fruit baskets and homemade pies. Which is nice, really, but it doesn’t exactly help pay for rent or electricity. He doubts that his landlord is going to accept an apple crumble as payment. “I find it’s better to have a few close friends than to have many distant ones. I’m more than satisfied with my small circle of friends  --  but that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for one more.” She’s clearly hinting at meeting up more and Matt really can’t see why they wouldn’t. She’s been nice so far, and Matt appreciates her attitude.

“And about wanting to make sure that it doesn’t happen again  --  it won’t. I can promise you that. If the mistake you made left that big of an impact  --  and I’m starting to think that it did  --  you will be better prepared next time. Because I know for a fact that you have replayed the moment a thousand times in your head and worked out a thousand different ways it could have gone different. You have rehearsed this. Besides, people learn, they do. And the best way to learn? Is to fall on your face. Because that hurts and you don’t want to have to go through that again. This works the same way. You don’t want to go through that again, so you’ll make sure that you won’t. You can trust me on that.” Matt says, tilting his head a little. “I go to church a lot, and father Lantom once told me that guilt is just a sign that your work isn’t done yet. And I find that to be quite true.”

When she starts telling him that her losses affect more than just her, Matt hums. “You know most losses affect more than just the person fighting the battle. Doctors too. They lose a battle, the patient dies.. they may have a family, a significant other.. maybe even a child that will miss them incredibly so. They will mourn, every single time they come home and that person isn’t there. But they tried to save that person. Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be. But they don’t have time to be stuck on it. They know they did everything they could, and they have more people to try and save. More battles to try and win so that those families don’t have to suffer as well. You can’t do that if you stay behind. You can’t save or help more people and the ones around them if you don’t allow yourself to try, and trying means it can go wrong. It means that people may get hurt. But at least you tried. And probably saved a few more people along the way.” He’s absolutely aware that he’s thought about this way too much for any regular lawyer. He knows this. But she needs to hear it right now, and he’s not about to keep it from her, to try and make her feel better, just to save his own ass. Besides.. he can just blame it on the fact he has to deal with criminals so often. It kind of makes sense that he’s been trying to understand the people he’s been defending.

“I’m not opposed to meeting up again. It’s refreshing to talk to new people.” A smile tugs at his lips, soon handing her his phone. “You can just.. put your number in if you want and send yourself a message. Easiest way to do it.”

“Yeah, boxing.” And then she says she’s more the martial arts type and  --  oh how badly he wants to challenge her and surprise her. But, he won’t because that would absolutely blow his cover. “Yeah let’s not go there. You’ll have me knocked out in seconds and I doubt knocking out a blind guy is going to look good for you. I can box because the bag doesn’t really change places. I know where it is.” He laughs. “I do have a mean punch, however.”

“Oh I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the reason they were after me. We only help people that we genuinely believe to be innocent, so yeah I can absolutely imagine that at some point we helped put someone away and not everyone was happy about it, but I also can’t really say that I care. It’s not like I will let it scare me and then stop doing what it is I do. I chose this job knowing full well that it’s a bit of a dangerous one to be in, but I want to help good people. And so I will.”

How long has he been a lawyer? He sits back in his chair a little and tilts his head. “It’s been two years now. That.. actually surprises me. It doesn’t feel like it’s been all that long.”

[writingdotcoffee]

#215: Writing for the Right Reasons

'Don't write for fame or money' is a common piece of advice that writers who've made it give to the aspirants. Sure, but what's wrong with fame and money?

Clearly, it is possible to make money from writing as millions of writers around the world do. A lot fewer are famous, but it also isn't impossible to be known for what you write. Doesn't everyone want to succeed in what they do?

As an adult, you have to eat and live somewhere — preferably not your mum's house or the street. Who wouldn't want to earn a living from writing?

I'm also pretty sure that the vast majority of successful authors didn't just stumble into success while writing casually for kicks. They were determined and worked insanely hard. So what's up with this 'don't write for fame or money' thing?

Honestly, it made me a bit nervous when I kept reading this early on. I would like to earn a living through my writing eventually. Does it mean that I'm in it for the wrong reasons?

A few years in, I realised that the advice is, in fact, genuine and well-intentioned. It's just difficult to see the nuance behind it.

It doesn't mean that you shouldn't want fame and money. There's nothing wrong with wanting to succeed. The problem is only wanting those things.

Lots of people like the idea of being a writer more than actually writing. That in itself isn't a problem — you can do whatever you want, and it isn't anyone's business whether you're writing to change the world or to get laid.

The problem is that if your only motivation is that shallow, writing is a complete waste of time. You'll have to grind way harder and sacrifice a lot more than you think to reach fame and wealth through being an author. The shallow things won't motivate you to push hard enough and make those sacrifices to stand a chance. You will quit too soon.

The Right Reasons to Write

The good news is: you don't need a grand vision of how you're going to change the world with your writing or write for any noble reason whatsoever.

You just have to write about something that you care about. That's it. Find something that you're passionate about and write about that. What strong opinions do you have? What do you spend your days doing or thinking about? What makes your blood boil? What makes you happy?

That will lead you to people who care about the same thing. Your readers will be people who you can connect with. Writing will still be difficult, but you will be writing about your passion — that makes all the difference.

If you don't have an obsession or something you feel strongly about, that’s fine. Try some things out. Figure out what gets you excited. Passion isn't something you just have, you can develop it.

Writing is just a means to an end — a form of communication. You're sharing ideas, emotions and stories with your readers.

Instead of being passionate about writing, write about your passions. The rest will take care of itself.

About the Author

Hi, I’m Radek 👋. I’m a writer, software engineer and the founder of Writing Analytics — an editor and writing tracker designed to help you beat writer’s block and create a sustainable writing routine.

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Past Editions

#214: It Doesn’t Count If You Don’t Finish It, September 2021

#213: How to Be a More Disciplined Writer, September 2021

#212: How to Turn an Idea into a Story, September 2021

#211: Writing Every Day, September 2021

#210: Ed Sheeran on Writing, August 2021