#well whatever its a gacha game its all just an excuse to put them in cute outfits

[moonsidesong]

so i guess the new puyo quest school event is actually about accord and some other unknown party kidnapping a bunch of people so they can go rp being highschoolers. ...sure, close enough

[cinnaminsvga]

🤬 | seokjin

the sleep deprived series (n.): drabbles that i write when i’m sad and tired

→ frenemy!seokjin ft. e2l and the magnificent get-along sweater | 2K words → a/n: this is dedicated to my homie @jincherie​ who has been, as they say, wiping her ass everyday only to shit again. i can’t really do much to actually alleviate your circumstances except maybe making you smile, so i hope this can be your tiny ray of sunshine amidst the crap. this fic literally makes no sense because i wrote this within one hour so i’m sorry but pls know that ilysm!!

“Where’d you even fucking get this abomination?” you growl, struggling fruitlessly against the coarse fabric. In your fidgeting, your elbow knocks into Seokjin’s broad chest, causing more damage to your weak joints than anything. Even so, Seokjin grunts overdramatically, stepping on your toes in retaliation.

“Yoongi-chi, you know that I love you very much—” Seokjin seethes, his teeth clenched almost painfully as he fights to restrain himself from ripping the sweater in half, a la Hulk style. “—but I will not hesitate to stab you once I get out of here.”

“Not my fault that you both are acting like a bunch of toddlers,” Yoongi snorts, hip jutted out in contempt like the homosexual that he is. “And to answer your other question, I bought that sweater online after your last fight, when you two were literally wrestling on the kitchen counter. I didn’t know whether I walked into some intense BDSM play or a WWE ring.”

“You bought a fucking get-along sweater for us? What are you, some sort of Christian camp counselor?” you growl, kicking your legs out in an attempt to hit him. The slimy twink bastard jumps away gracefully, landing onto the loveseat opposite the couch that you were sitting on. He crosses his legs, opening his arms wide when your traitorous cat jumps onto his lap, looking to all the world like a terrible Bond villain from the 80s.

“If I was Christian, I would not put the two of you into a sweater together,” Yoongi says. He strokes your cat, who purrs loudly before pointing a contemptuous glare back at you, as if she was enjoying your torture too. Dumb cat. You never liked Miko anyway.

Yoongi continues, “Anyone would two eyes knows that you both are just one brawl away from fucking each other into the next dimension. Lord knows that your sexual tension could power the entire city.”

It’s Seokjin’s turn to snort, who has been relatively quiet in comparison to you. He’s also less fidgety, but that might be because he at least has the advantage and comfort of occupying 90% of the sweater space due to his oceanic shoulders. You once described him as “horizontally imbalanced,” which he did not find slightly amusing.

“I would rather place my balls into a panini press and feed them to Miko than to ever fuck Y/N,” Seokjin fake-gags, squirming uncomfortably in his seat. “It would be less hot for me to actually grill my penis than for me to sink into her hell-ish cunt. I swear, you could bake bread in there with how much yeast has accumulated from—“

You headbutt his chin before he can finish, squawking indignantly. The satisfying sound of his teeth clacking together in pain is momentary but worthwhile. “Excuse you, but it’d be an honor to fuck me! I’ve got that S-tier pussy! If my pussy was in a gacha game, people would spend thousands of dollars just to roll for my mystical coochie!”

Yoongi smirks. “So you admit that you do want Seokjin to fuck you!”

“What the fuck! No! That is—what the—I don’t!” You stammer, face flushing as you struggle to regain your footing in the conversation. Yoongi’s eyebrow raises, intrigued by your slip-up. “That is totally not what I meant, and you know it!”

Yoongi picks at his nails, pointedly avoiding eye contact. “Sorry, I don’t speak hetero. Prithee, explain thy peculiar mating rituals to one who does not walk the straight and narrow path.”

You slump back against the couch, forcing Seokjin to follow and fall backward with you. His shoulder hits you square in the boob, causing you to groan in pain. “Yoongi, just let us out of this thing before I lose a limb to this walking inflatable tubeman,” you plead, ignoring Seokjin’s glare.

“I resent that,” Seokjin inputs, but no one pays him any mind. Your attention is focused solely on the smirking kitty man in front of you, who grows smugger as time ticks on.

Everyone in your friend group is aware of the weird relationship you have with Seokjin. Ever since you met him in your freshman year of university, things were never peaceful between the two of you. It was always constant bickering, squabbling, competing… everything. Even Jungkook, Seokjin’s other sworn enemy, doesn’t argue with the elder as much as you did.

For three years, everyone just assumed it was your weird kindergarten schoolyard way of showing affection for each other, and at the beginning, it might have been. You and Seokjin, both of whom have never dated in their lifetimes despite being moderately popular while growing up, are unsurprisingly emotionally stunted and never learned how to just be nice to people you like. Affection who? Compassion where? To the both of you, physical connection can only be achieved through hair tugging and nipple pinching, and not even in the sexy way.

But at a certain point, things were starting to get tiring. Your arguments only grew larger in scale, to the point where it was getting hard to differentiate whether the bruises on your neck were from pinches or something else.

“I just… Ugh… When are they gonna fuck, hyung? I’m actually getting tired of their constant fighting,” Namjoon had lamented one afternoon, just a day after your last altercation with Seokjin. It had been a big one, where Seokjin nearly lost a tooth when you had landed a neat uppercut squarely on his jaw after he called your toes ‘a foot fetishist’s worst nightmare.’

Yoongi’s boyfriend had been staring listlessly into his bowl of soup for the past hour, and he was honestly starting to get worried when it looked like Namjoon had started muttering to himself in a foreign language. Yoongi almost thought he might have been scrying for a prophecy, begging for an answer to their most pressing question.

“What do you want me to do about it? Lock them in a room and let them out only after they’ve done the deed? Mixed bodily fluids? Performed the monkey dance to its climax?! No thanks, I don’t wanna be near them when that can of worms finally explodes,” Yoongi grimaced, shivering at the thought.

Namjoon shook his head quickly, face paling with him. “Heaven forbid. Maybe you can keep it PG? How about getting one of those get-along sweaters or something. I think they used those in kindergarten.”

Yoongi sighed. “Yeah, but the question would be how I’d get them into it.” He flaps his noodle arms around in demonstration. “I’m not exactly in the running for world’s strongest twink. Plus, years of fighting each other means they’re both stronger than I am.”

Namjoon shrugged. “Easy, just dare them to wear it. Make it into a competition. Nothing gets them more riled up than when they’re trying to outcompete each other.”

And so, that’s how the two of you had gotten stuck in a 3XXL Hello Kitty sweater that Yoongi had bought from Ebay. It has yet to be decided whether spending $40 on expedited shipping was worth it.

“Look, Yoongi-chi. We both promise that we will stop fighting once you let us out of this,” Seokjin says, smiling sweetly at him. Had Yoongi been younger and much more prone to the alluring temptation of the Straight Man™️, he might have caved. But Yoongi is older now, plus he knows when Seokjin is lying better than any polygraph test.

Yoongi rolls his eyes, waving him off. “Fat chance. You’d probably stop fighting for approximately three hours before getting mad about mint chocolate ice cream or something.”

“Hey! Give us some credit. We both agree that flavor is abhorrent, so we would never argue about that,” you retort, with Seokjin nodding furiously in agreement. You glance at him. “And I feel like we’d last at least six hours without fighting. What was our record again?”

“Five hours and twenty-two minutes,” Seokjin says.

You hum thoughtfully. “Okay, I can promise at least five hours and thirty minutes. Maybe.”

Yoongi groans, rubbing his temples in frustration. His souring mood even makes Miko jump away in fright, and the two idiots trapped in a sweater can immediately feel the dip in temperature. Uh oh, here we go!

“I am absolutely sick and tired of the two of you dumbasses fighting all the time! It’s embarrassing as hell trying to bring either of you anywhere in public because everyone mistakes your little catfights for strange foreplay or whatever,” Yoongi glowers. The two of you shrink into your seats, ashamed.

“We’ve only gotten kicked out of one Costco—” Seokjin defends. 

“But we did get fined for public indecency at the beach when I pulled your trunks down, which was totally unfair, by the way,” you mutter. 

“You literally threatened to, and I quote, ‘Suck the soul out of Seokjin’s dick until he dies.’ How the hell is that unfair?!” Yoongi exclaims. 

“It was a death threat! I would’ve accepted a charge for attempted murder, but that was not going to be a sexy blowjob, I assure you—”

Yoongi holds up a hand to silence you. “Face it, you both like each other. Whatever! Sure, you guys are the token straight people in our friend group, but that doesn’t make you bland as hell! Well, actually, it does but…” Yoongi pauses, wondering if it was worth lying. It takes a second for him to refocus. “Where was I? Oh right—“

Yoongi clears his throat, starting again. He heaves a deep breath, shoulders sagging tiredly as he puts on the sincerest face he can muster. “Listen, I just want to say that I care a lot about you, okay? And it sucks seeing the both of you hurting every time the other person says something really mean that neither of you even mean! If anything, will you please stop for me? If you really cared about our friendship, will you do it for me?”

There is a heavy pause as Yoongi strives to get his breathing back in check, his impassioned speech causing his fragile grandpa heart to race. He can feel his cheeks darkening in embarrassment, unused to using his “hyung voice” on Seokjin or you. Separately, the two of you are very reliable, never really needing him to scold either of you. Together, however… that’s a different story, but as the next eldest hyung, it really only fell to Yoongi to fix his friends’ mess of a relationship.

Screw age hierarchy. Yoongi would love to see Jungkook try to get Seokjin and you to fuck. Would absolutely pay to see the twerp squirm as he tries to even say the word “penis.”

After a while, Seokjin and you share a look. Yoongi watches with bated breath as he waits for either of you to speak, but he can sense some unspoken conversation happening between you. Perhaps, after years of exchanging blows, you had somehow knocked brain cells into each other and now share a weird psychic connection. Or, more likely, the two of you actually like each other and understand each other on a deeply personal level, so personal in fact that you could probably finish each other’s sentences, like—!

“We refuse,” you both reply in tandem, your joined voices echoing throughout the apartment. You both had said it so in sync that Yoongi might have imagined the other person speaking, but no—you both really did just say that to his face. In front of Miko. In front of his goddamn imaginary salad.

“Excuse me?” Yoongi squeaks. He cleans his ears with his fingers but finds no cotton there. These bitches! How dare they just throw his speech to the gutter! That shit took brain cells to think of, and he is not in the business of wasting his precious minutes by using them for productivity.

You shrug, leaning against Seokjin’s shoulder. He can see the ghost of a smirk tugging at your lips, thoroughly enjoying Yoongi’s confusion. “You heard us. We’ve made the executive decision to double our efforts, actually.”

Seokjin nods, not even shoving you off his shoulder like he normally would whenever you made contact with him. What? “Exactly. Honestly, we’ve been fighting for so long that we’ve kinda been just doing it for the bit at this point, and the fact that it annoys you so much is just the icing on the cake.”

Yoongi stares at them. His brain doesn’t feel like it’s connecting to his body at all; he feels like he’s floating. “So. What you’re saying is—“

“We know we like each other. Whatever. But we also like fighting, so who gives a shit if we’re having fun at the end of the day?” you shrug, pinching Seokjin’s cheek for good measure. As per usual, the elder retaliates by grabbing your finger with robot-like accuracy, before biting you there like a ravaging beast.

“And before you ask, no, we aren’t really dating. Yet. We kinda just wanted to piss as many people off before actually becoming official. We honestly didn’t think that you’d be the first one to crack.” Seokjin says, your finger falling from his mouth. The imprint of his teeth marks on your skin are plain as day, but you don’t look remotely bothered by it. In fact, you’re practically cooing at his ‘baby teefies’ like a psychopath.

“I—“ Yoongi stutters, at a loss for words for once in his life. He stands from the chair, but his knees give out from under him, causing him to tumble to the carpeted floor. He holds his head in his hands, shell-shocked. “So… That means…”

“Yeah, we’re kinda just freaky, I guess.” You muse before laughing hysterically when Yoongi begins to sob. “Hey, you’re right! We did make Yoongi cry! Do you think we could make Namjoon piss himself in rage when he finally confronts us too?”

Seokjin cackles, shaking your hand underneath the sweater. “If anyone can do it, I know that we can.”

And so, the two of you stand up clumsily to your feet, not bothering to escape the ridiculous sweater as you both waddled out of Yoongi’s apartment. From outside his door, Yoongi hears the sound of a new fight commencing, your shrieks resonating down the hall and for all the world to hear.

[kyogre-blue]

Livestream 2.1

Hm... Honestly, it sounds very bad, but hopefully the exploration will live up to 2.0. 

I wish they’d put on chibis like normal. I don’t like looking at more not too well set up video calls. I get enough of that at work, thanks. 

Some of the voice actors are definitely better at switching back into character than others. Also, there’s too many of them this time. Four is definitely the limit, and that’s pushing it. 

“Under the moonlight” “Beneath the light of jadeite”... I think you guys need to start variating this a bit more. 

This faffing with accelerated aging or whatever... I have very serious concerns about the pacing for act 3. Like, big concerns. 

“I will do anything to defend my family’s honor” But not wear pants. That’s a step too far. 

tbh I think the editing on this trailer is not good.  

Yae looks worse with every appearance. 

The switch to “here’s Liyue again :D” is SO stupid. Yes! We’re definitely stuck in this dramatic sealed off land! We’re getting knocked out while Scaramouche laughs menacingly! ....And here’s Liyue :D 

Cooking... I have never understood the fixation on it. It’s just food. And why are we acting like the Traveler is such a huge expert on it? I get Xiangling. But Keqing and the Traveler?  

Moonchase sounds... pretty much like Lantern Rite. Looks not particularly different too. Although maybe we’ll finally meet some Liyue characters on screen. You know, a year after their release. 

Speaking of the anniversary, there’s nothing aside from Moonchase (not actually anniversary content and not interesting anyway) and the login bonus (basic, should be standard all the time). Pretty pathetic! 

“She created Musoujin Gorge in ONE SLASH” Why is this reaction so over the top? We’ve heard this before, and we know all about Guyun. This should be totally expected for gods. 

Scaramouche is.... I’ve never seen him before :) I love it when games refer to experiences that players can’t actually have because of the developers’ bad choices :)) He also sounds unimpressive, in terms of his voice acting. 

“the true origins of Scaramouche” who care tho. You didn’t build up a single thing about him. Most people haven’t seen him before, and even those who did have no reason to think he has special origins. Do you understand how buildup works. Do you. 

Baal’s voice is so unfitting for her. And we have multiple reference to changing her heart. Which sounds awful, honestly! 

Kokomi sounds so bad too. 

Her kit is indeed nonsensical. Her ult is all for attacking, but she has no ability to crit and instead gets increase on healing. But only her skill heals. ????

Fishing system. Ah yes, the other pointless staple minigame of RPGs. That I don’t care about. And it’s about timing. Awful :) 

What really drives me insane about this is that the most common excuse for Genshin’s failings is that they’re working so hard to meet their release schedule, how can we possibly expect more. Except they are actively choosing to waste their time on this kind of nonsense instead of improving all the things that are continually dragging the game down. I am no longer accepting “but it’s so hard to program things” as an excuse. Maybe they could have programmed all that if they didn’t put in a pointless fishing minigame instead. The teapot is this writ large. 

“We’re having events that aren’t in-game” This is stupid. The real life Paimon statue is especially... wow. WOW. Who came up with this nonsense. 

“Genshin Impact’s AMAZING music” The music is OK. It’s aggressively OK. It does its job, and that’s it. I’m also just kind of wordless about how excessive MHY is. This is an online gacha game (the lowest of the low as far as games go) with no particularly strong points to its name. To act like it deserves all this fuss is..... I don’t even know. 

Aloy is indeed not until 2.2 for everyone not on PS.

And, again, very glad to watch this after the fact. To have to listen through all this without the ability to skip would be pretty sad. 

For the good points... there aren’t really any, aside from the very quickly glossed over promise of two new islands. 

[kay-kaylen]

Genshin Rant

Okay so, I’ve been into Genshin for quite some time. I’m not a seasoned player who’s been around since the Latern Rite (I am furious that I missed that honestly) but I’m doing pretty well for myself. 

But oh man. A few months ago, I joined an unofficial Genshin group and let me tell you, this is something I’ve got to get out of my system because I had such a huge argument with some of the members there that I just left the group because oh my God. I couldn’t take it. It’s probably a controversial topic, and I might get hate for what I say, but if you decide to shit on my words without providing legitimate evidence and being able to have a civil discussion and debate with me, then I’m just blocking you because I don’t need that here.

A lot of complaints about Genshin Impact mainly stem from the Gacha/Wish system, which is a system in which you roll for different weapons and characters. To roll, you need Fates, and you get Fates through Primogems. You can get Primogems by just doing stuff in the game, but it’s slow-going sometimes. If you want to, you can purchase Primogems with real life money.

The BIGGEST complaints I’ve ever seen from Genshin ALWAYS comes from this Wish system and the things that were said during that argument in the group was so ridiculous, I literally can’t.

First off, a lot of people say Mihoyo are scammers, and to be fair, sometimes they’re kind of wonky. Like the Serenitea Pot and Sanctifying Essence which is supposed to give more artifact exp buuut it doesn’t give a lot. That part needs to be worked on, of that I agree. But the wishes?? No. As far as I see it, it’s fair game. In fact, the chances to get a 5* character are NO LOWER than any other gacha game I’ve experienced. I’ve done my maths. Any higher and you’d pretty much always be getting them, which isn’t fair to the makers of the game and defeats the point of a gacha. This is especially true because we’re constantly GETTING new characters. The more characters, the more chances for that 0.6% chance to land on them, and it’s literally just a matter of time. The ONLY reason you’d complain is because you’re salty you didn’t get the character you wanted despite paying. You think that just because you paid them money, Mihoyo would serve the character for you on a silver platter. But they don’t. It’s ALL based on luck and chance, and they GIVE you chances on Banners. And you can ALWAYS try again. There will never NOT be a time where you can’t try. Mihoyo does NOT control what characters you get. You wanna know how I know? Because I rolled once with no fucking expectation and got ZHONGLI of all characters. A 5*. They are NOT trying to screw you over, I am HAPPY with the characters I’ve got. It literally doesn’t matter to me whether I get a 4* or a 5* or just weapons, I am still GETTING stuff.

And yeah, I don’t mind if you wanna keep rolling to get a character or weapon you REALLY want, there is literally nothing wrong with that. But I HATE it when people get salty and take it out on the creators. One of the points the people in the group tried to make is that the game’s teaching kids how to gamble. It. Is. A. Gacha. Game. It is made EXPLICITLY clear that there are in-game purchases that are OPTIONAL. You have to AGREE to the terms and conditions before you play the game. And why is Genshin being treated as this unholy demon? You know how many MORE Gacha games are out there with just as much gambling potential? Cause there’s a lot. But UNLIKE some Gacha games I know of, when they say optional, they MEAN optional. You can play the entire game and build a GOD level team without paying a single damn penny, and Mihoyo doesn’t even shove the gacha wishing system in your face. You literally don’t even get told about its existence when you play and go about the story, you have to FIND where that wishing thing is. The game does NOTHING to tempt you to rolling apart from showcasing their new characters, WHICH THEY DO ANYWAY IN THE STORY ITSELF. If anything, things like character trailers are just lore for the characters to make them interesting and build them for us storylovers.

But the whole point of this whole thing is that Mihoyo does NOTHING that requires you to pay a penny. Literally nothing. They make it clear that it’s on you to pay real life money, and you should KNOW about how Gachas, or even just rolling for chances is like, because it’s basically a capsule machine. YOU are the one rolling, and YOU are the one who CHOSE to fork over your own money. YOU are the one who chose not to stop ‘gambling’. The game does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to make you pay genuine money. YOU are the one who made that decision, so YOU deal with the results you got. You know damn well that you’re likely not getting what you want, so stop whining about it.

But just to take a step back, even IF you disregard all these points and just look at the 0.6% chance and say: “Man, that’s low odds.” It HAS to be that way, because Mihoyo NEEDS that money. Yes, I know damn well they have millions of dollars, I did my research, but that is NOT ENOUGH MONEY. People don’t realize just how BIG and AMBITIOUS of a game Genshin Impact is. It isn’t just costly to make, it’s costly to MAINTAIN. It’s not a final released game, they’re still a work-in-progress and that brings LOADS of complications with it, especially since it’s blown up so much and they’ve got MILLIONS of users playing all the time. And just because they’re a Chinese company or WHATEVER excuse you have to bring to the table, doesn’t mean they have any easier of a time.

I know this. Because I have a fucking friend who works in game programming and development. She took one look at Genshin Impact and told me this was a game that makes Final Fantasy and Detroit: Become Human, or whatever huge fucking ass games over the years, look like a JOKE in terms of expenses. 

Mihoyo is CONSTANTLY updating their game, fixing bugs, implementing new things like small events or just fun stuff for players to goof around with, but NONE of these things are easy. THAT’S why they have new characters, THAT’S why they’re constantly doing events, they NEED people’s support to the game and their attention CAN’T wane. It’s pure BUSINESS. They’re not being selfish, that is literally just how it works.

And here’s another thing. Genshin doesn’t have ANY other money spending things EXCEPT for the wishes. They don’t make you pay for Resin, or make you pay to progress the story. No. ALL their income from the game, comes from the Wishing. Where YOU GUYS make that choice to fork over your money.

One of the things people in that group jeered about is Genshin’s shit security, and yes, that is problem that needs serious fixing. The thing is, they’re ALREADY hard at work trying to fix it. You think it’s a walk in the park to stop account hackers? FUCK NO. It needs cooperation from the users AND the company. The company needs to make better firewalls and security measures, and the users need to take precautionary measures to make sure they DON’T get their accounts stolen. It doesn’t matter how high or tough your walls are if you’re the one who just opens the gate yourself. And by all means, they are improving in that aspect, people just don’t announce it to the world. And oh yeah, they DO need money to improve their security. It is NOT free to develop bigger shields.

I had people in that group tell me the game was sooo slow in their development and there was no point in investing money in it, and to that I say. Let me just put this into perspective, okay? Let’s just rundown a list of things that need to be implemented when making a new region. Just one.

*inhales*

The terrain, environment, treasure locations, puzzles, local materials, local recipes, main city, sub towns, npcs, npc dialogues, shops, unique enemies, regional bosses, unique drops, regional characters, books, region lore and history, statues of the seven locations, teleporter locations, domain locations, oculi locations, story quests, world quests, sigils, and the list REALLY does go on.

AND THIS IS FOR ONE REGION.

THERE ARE SEVEN REGIONS IN THE GAME.

MEANING THEY HAVE TO REPEAT THIS PROCESS, FIVE FUCKING TIMES. (Since we already have Liyue and Mondstadt.)

Do. You. UNDERSTAND. HOW MUCH WORK. GOES INTO THIS FUCKING GAME.

MILLIONS OF DOLLARS?? HARDLY A HALF OF WHAT THEY NEED TO KEEP THEIR WORKERS GOING.

AND THEY’RE STILL VERY ACTIVE IN THE COMMUNITY.

So yeah. Genshin only draws money from the Gacha system they have, other income sources come from Mihoyo’s other games. They don’t force you to pay, at all. That decision is all on you. They need lots of money for the game, and still squeeze in time in their development to come up with little tidbit stuff for us to enjoy. They’re doing well, but they need improvements, but they won’t improve without the community’s support and understanding.

[sourcherrybomb]

The SoKai Denny’s AU:

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Grand Slam

Synopsis: After a long and arduous day at work, Sora brings Kairi to the local Denny's to unwind and have a pleasant meal. But of course, things go to shit.

Sneak Peek: “Kairi… You’re not thinking straight…” I said as I slowly raised my hands towards my girlfriend. “Please, I just want to talk. Just put down the-”

But my words landed on deaf ears as she quickly rushed at me, a syrup-drenched butter knife in hand.

Tags: Romance, Denny's, F/M, Food

Words: 2.5k+

Fanart / Graphic by: @blissfulnightrain @the-secret-place

[OCTOBER 31, 2020 - 9:09PM]

Please just give us the details on the incident right before we arrived.

“Kairi… You’re not thinking straight…” I said as I slowly raised my hands towards my girlfriend. “Please, I just want to talk. Just put down the-”

But my words landed on deaf ears as she quickly rushed at me, a syrup-drenched butter knife in hand. Before I could even process which way she swung her weapon, I jumped backwards. Grabbing the butter knife that Kairi had previously knocked out of my hand from the ground, I blocked her attack.

In Kairi’s eyes, I saw the rage of a thousand beasts. Wild, untamed, and out for blood.

Around the two of us, as the cool autumn winds blew past us, an onlooking crowd gasped. Whether it be in fear or amazement, I’ll never know. However, what I did understand is the confusion that they all share and the one question everyone asked:

Why the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks are these two people having a knife fight in a Denny’s parking lot?

[OCTOBER 31, 2020 - 6:27PM]

Care to explain to details as to how she broke into this rage?

Of course.

Kairi headed out to her job at the cafe hours ago, being called into work due to the Halloween rush. She was hesitant at first since it was her day off, but she reluctantly left anyways because she knew the extra pay would help out with rent later in the month.

As for me, I didn’t have work today, so I was home for most of the day doing my usual routine. This is usually made up of playing video games, doing housework, and bothering my friend, Riku. But today I had decided to surprise Kairi by cooking dinner for her when she got home!

Great plan, yeah? I thought so too, right up until I realized I had ruined the spaghetti I made by burning the sauce... and somehow also the pasta? Like I didn’t even know that was possible, but somehow I did it?

I swear, the smell was bad enough to make a rat gag.

By the time I realized I had messed up, I knew it’d be too late. In the middle of my mad scramble to clean up the kitchen and get rid of any evidence, Kairi walked into our apartment.

Now I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid. I took one look at Kairi and could tell that she was not having any of it. Her work uniform was disheveled and covered in various stains and crumbs. Kairi’s thumbs were fidgeting with the hem of her work shirt. When I looked into her tired, glazed over eyes, I saw a seething flame within them.

It was like a ticking time bomb in the shape of my girlfriend.

“Sora…” Kairi said tiredly. “Were you trying to cook? Again?”

I laughed nervously, shamefully resting a sauce pan into the sink. “I knew you’d be tired from work, so I wanted to make sure you could at least eat something when you got home!” I dried my hands and signaled Kairi towards me. Following suit, she practically kicked the shoes off her feet as she walked towards me.

“Dude, I love you,” she said this as she slumped into my arms. “But please stop burning things in our kitchen.”

“Sorry…” Slumping further into my arms, it was like she was melting. I had to sort of prop her against our kitchen counter in order for me to keep on carrying her. “Listen, let me at least make it up to you.”

“How?” Kairi looked up at me, the fire in her tired eyes dying down a bit.

“I was thinking of bringing you out somewhere to eat while we let the apartment air out…”

“It does smell like a burnt down Pizza Hut in here.” Kairi sighs as she traded her flats for sneakers. “Where were you thinking of taking us?”

I opened up my phone and pulled up my bank account.

Available Balance: $365.13

“Let’s just say I’m looking for a place that’s budget-friendly”

“Oh thank god,” Kairi said. “I can wear sweatpants and not give a crap.”

“Exactly!” I let go of Kairi and started to dump the burnt mass of pasta into our trash bin. “You take a load off and dress into more comfy clothes while I get rid of… this.”

[OCTOBER 31, 2020 - 7:16PM]

You know, bad days at work don’t usually cause people to attempt a stabbing.

Trust me… If it was just the bad shift, I’d agree.

Normally when I bring my girlfriend to the local Denny’s, it’s surprisingly not a bad time. Our friend Olette works as the hostess there, so we can usually get our seats pretty quickly. I usually get a Grand Slam to get my fix on pancakes, eggs, bacon, and sausage. It’s a combo that always hits the spot when it’s 3AM, I’m hyper-aware of the world around me, and Riku is trying to find someone to take home on Sparklr. Kairi usually gets a Hammy & Cheese Omelette, mainly because she prefers the pancakes at IHOP. I always like to joke about giving her a Grand Slam once we get home.

Tonight was not the night to make those kinds of jokes. It was like the gods themselves had it out for my girl tonight.

7:45PM: Kairi and I arrived at Denny's and were told that Olette took the night off due to a cold. We were told that the wait would be close to half an hour.

8:02PM: Kairi’s left earbud died as the toddler next to us started bawling as she sang the ‘Baby Shark’ song. Mother of the child in question was too busy flirting with a busboy 20 years her junior to quiet her child.

8:07PM: Kairi dropped 27,000 Jewels in JHUX gacha trying to get a SN++ Illus. JH III Zola. All the medals obtained were ones that had been out of the meta for months.

8:17PM: Kairi and I were finally seated. Our table had sticky spots from syrup and crumbs on the seats. We asked our waitress, Asheleigh, if someone could come clean this up. The two of us were met with an unenthusiastic “Uhhh, sure?” as she called over a clearly stoned janitor. He sprayed the table once, wiped it once, and knocked the crumbs off the seats. Asheleigh took our orders with a sigh.

When I looked over at Kairi, I could tell the last half hour had done a number to her. An hour ago her anger was already near its boiling point, but now… It was like the seething fire within her eyes had evolved into a star about to burst into a supernova.

A beautiful sight indeed, but also one of pure destruction on a cosmic level.

“So Kai…” I nervously said. “Looking forward to the weekend?”

Her hands folded on the table, Kairi’s dead but fiery eyes staring out the window.

“...yes.”

C’mon man, think! I thought to myself. Anything to take her mind off this fustercluck of a situation!

“So I don’t know if you heard about this at work, but looks like JH: Master of Melodies is gonna have a preorder bonus!”

Silence.

“Y-Yeah, turns out if we get it over at Game Central Station, you get a couple bonus songs that would have been DLC! Isn’t that great?”

“...preorder exclusivity bonuses force game developers to split content amongst greedy retailers, alienating groups of consumers from experiencing the game at its 100% value.” Kairi says in a deadpan.

Crap, she’s being critical about video games... I thought to myself. Now I know I’m never gonna get through to her… Why can’t this food come any—

“Soooo I have your food.” Our waitress said, as she hastily put our plates on the table. “A Grand Slam for the spiky haired dude and a Hammy & Whatsits Omelette for his lady. Enjoy, or whatever.”

“Thank you…” I awkwardly said as I thanked whatever deity heard my prayers. “Well Kai, time to dig in!”

Silently, Kairi cut into her omelette and brought a piece over to her mouth. As if it were on cue, the food fell from the fork and onto her pants. She nonchalantly picked it off her pants and shoved it into her mouth, the look in her eyes somehow becoming even more dead.

I let out a deep exhale and started to stuff my pancakes in my face. I didn’t even notice that I held my breath in. I was honestly just quite relieved that Kairi didn’t explode then and there. We could finally just sit down, eat our food, and take a load off.

[OCTOBER 31, 2020 - 9:01PM]

Man, she really went through the ringer.

Honestly, I’m surprised she didn’t go feral sooner.

Luckily for the both of us, the incident with the fallen food was the only thing that got in the way of our meal. I was able to finish my Grand Slam and Kairi was able to scarf down her Hammy and Cheese Omelette. Looking at her face, I saw that some of the restrained rage in her eyes had been replaced with a much more tired aura.

“Hey Kai…” I softly put my hand on hers. “How ya doing?”

Sighing, she gently put my hand to her cheek. “I… I just want to get home, lie down, and forget today happened.”

After giving her a small peck on the cheek, I smiled. “That can be arranged! Now c’mon, let’s just hand this bill over and head out of here.”

But things are never simple as they seem to be.

Just as Kairi and I got out of our chairs, an ear-piercing “Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,” came rushing down the aisle. Out of nowhere, Baby Shark Toddler bumped into Kairi, spilling the milkshake in her tiny hands all over Kairi’s legs.

“Oh sonova- Hey you!” Just steps away from the child, her mother called to us. She talked and walked with the cadence of a woman ready to chew out a teen part-timer at their first job. “Just what do you think you’re going to do about this?”

“Excuse me?” I asked in obvious confusion. “I’m pretty sure your daughter was the one who bumped into my-”

“Wasn’t talking to you, Spiky!” she snapped. “Listen up, Red, I want some recompense for my kid’s spilled drink! You think that cheap manager is gonna give me another one for free?”

“Hey now, names are uncalled for!” I retorted. “And not like it’s our fault your daughter ran into my- Kairi?”

A quiet but powerful groan escaped Kairi’s mouth, cutting me off. Her formerly clenched hands had started to crookedly flex open and contort. The tiredness in her eyes died away, being left with the energy of the ticking time bomb.

One that was seconds away from levelling a building.

“A…pologize,” Kairi said in a shaky voice. “Riiiiight. Now.”

“Apologize?” The woman mockingly laughed in her face. “Why woul-”

Before I or any of the onlookers realized, Kairi had the mother pinned down to the ground, a butter knife held to her throat. “APOLOGIZE! APOLOGIZE YOU-”

“KAIRI HOLY MOTHER OF-” As soon as my brain caught up with my eyes, I ripped Kairi off the mother and made space between them. When I turned around, I saw the woman crawling away in a frenzy, trying to escape like a dog walking with its tail between their legs.

“AaAAAaaaaaRrhrrhhgg…” A nearly inhuman growl came out of Kairi’s mouth, the grip on her butter knife tightening. When I looked into her eyes, I understood.

In removing the rude mother from the equation, I had become the focus of Kairi’s blinding rage.

“Kairi…” I slowly raised my hands towards her. “I know you’ve been through a lot today. The car is right outside. I can take you back right now, all you need to do is calm-”

“AAAAaAAaAAaaa!” Lunging at me like a mad dog, Kairi let out a guttural yell.

This is because I told her to calm down, isn’t it? I asked myself mid-dodge. Before a second thought could even pop into mind, Kairi spun into another attack from her lunge. I rolled backwards to dodge the attack, and picked up a butter knife off the table to defend myself with. After all, it was the best I could do right now. With how fast and unpredictably Kairi was moving, my only options were to dodge fast enough, or block if I was too slow.

It was like I was defending myself against a dancing blender with a knife.

Before I knew it, Kairi’s vicious attacks and my continuous defense brought us back to the entrance of the Denny’s.

And into the parking lot.

[OCTOBER 31, 2020 - 9:32PM]

“And right before your girlfriend was able to stab you with the butter knife, we arrived-”

“And tased her, yes.” I respond. “Officer Lockheart, I understand you were doing it for my safety, but I’m honestly still super concerned for Kairi.”

“And that is completely understandable,” she responds. “I can assure you that the officer that took her in exercised the most caution as effectively possible when using the taser.”

“Thank you. Is it possible to see her now?”

“The shock seemed to bring her back to her senses, so her questioning seemed to go by smoothly.” Officer Lockheart taps a pen on her chin. “I suppose it would be fine.”

After signalling one of the other officers to open the door, the two of us walked out of the interview room. Down the hall, I see Kairi wrapped in a blanket, drinking from a cup of coffee. As soon as she notices me, she puts down the mug and rushes into a hug.

“Sora, oh my god I’m so sorry!” Kairi says as she nuzzles into my chest. “I-I just really lost myself and-”

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” I chuckle. “Honestly you’d give Riku a run for his money in a sparring match if you fought against him one-on-one!”

“I’ll let you two comfort each other for a bit,” Officer Lockheart tells us. “For now just stay here, I’ll see what the higher ups have to say about the situation.”

“Thanks, ma’am!” Kairi says back. Smiling and nodding, Officer Lockheart walks away.

For a while, the two of us sort of just sit in quiet. People who enter the room pay us no attention, but occasionally an officer would come up to us and ask if we needed anything. Other than that, it was just the two of us enjoying each other’s comfort.

“God, I really needed this,” Kairi tells me.

“Cuddling in a police station?” I question. “Or getting arrested for attacking people in a Denny’s”

“Jerk.” Kairi giggles as she flicks my forehead. “Nah, I mean just this! Me and you wrapped in a blanket.”

“Honestly I wish we could have done it back at the apartment. Luckily, by the time we get out of here, it should stop smelling like a I blew up a pizzeria.”

“That would have been nice in the moment, but when we get home I think I’d want something else.”

“Oh? What would that be?”

“Weeelll…” Kairi checks her surroundings, then leans towards my ear. “You never did make that Grand Slam joke of yours back at the Denny’s. Does that mean I won’t get one once we get back home?”

The whisper of her voice is enough to send a shiver down my back. I look into her eyes and instead of the rage or tiredness I saw before, I saw something much more… Carnal.

I give Kairi a peck on the lips and flash a mischievous smile.

Destiny Island Denny’s, we might never be allowed on your establishment ever again, which I understand.

But thank you for possibly the best Grand Slam of my life.