#well the obvious answer is you are the constant in this experiment . if you remain unchanging but the factors around you change each time .

[ennuidays]

think im back in my Everyone is stupid era bcuz im mad at people for literally no reason

[rist-ix]

What is Valtor (tbhtbh) love language?

I wanna say War Crimes And Violence for the shits and giggles, but this has made me think and I do think it’s a little more complex than that. My second answer would have been gift giving — as someone whose entire identity revolves around taking things by force, giving something freely to someone else is the highest gesture of affection imaginable — but even that feels more like a side affect than his actual expressions of love.

I think across all my fics, and Tbhtbh especially, Valtor's love language boils down to Control. In little ways, like in Sparked, where he has this constant desire to be the one who controls Bloom's studies and progress and overall access to information. Or in big and obvious ways in tbhtbh, like literally imprisoning her in a tower and regulating every detail of her day. (Paperwork too of course, Valtor has an obvious ego-boner for being the invisible force behind bloom's throne, of being needed)

You could probably dig really deep into that too, given that his relationship with his mothers consisted of almost nothing BUT control. His experiences with “””love””” are very much shaped by being physically dependent on the whims of his creators. I don’t necessarily mean that in an “that’s the love he experienced so it’s the only way he can express his own” way, because, well, he's not an idiot. He hates them and is very aware that their control only made him more eager to kill them. I mean it more akin to “he is resentful of the idea of being controlled, so now he sees every relationship as an arms race of controlling the other / he wants to compensate for that feeling of powerless then by feeling in control now”. Add to that that he is pretty much invulnerable at this point in tbhtbh, and his only remaining weakness is his emotional dependence on Bloom — which he is aware of. Just like he was aware of his mothers' ability to decimate him on a whim, he knows that Bloom could put him back into that mad state of agony should she die or escape again. A state he has lived in for three years and has no desire to return to. I just love to torment this little freak okay? He's so tormentable!!!

I think most of his other love language vocabularies tie back into his control issues in one way or another. As mentioned before, he likes to give gifts — I could go into an essay of its own about how that ties into his canon schtick and modus operandi, but I’ll stick to tbhtbh here.

He keeps Bloom's clothes and gives them back to her? For one because he knows she likes her clothes and misses the good old days, for the other because it reminds her of how those good old days ended — with him burning down Alfea. T-pose to assert dominance, yadda yadda.

He shows Bloom the garden? Well, that one gift she can’t take with her should she run away again. He controls Domino, the garden is ON Domino, if she wants to enjoy it she is by definition tied to this place and him.

And then there’s the entire rest of it, like the pretty room and the food and the fancy soaps and so on that are in her room. He is quite literally in charge of everything she has access to, and he doesn’t fail to remind her of that.

And, of course, we cannot forget that he loves to hear himself talk, so another way he expresses affection is by saying so. Constantly. He is being objectively cruel to Bloom in everything he does, but he never misses an opportunity to express how much he missed her, admires her, respects her prowess in combat and enjoys her company. Talk is cheap and he is a big fat liar when he feels like it, but in this he is 100% genuine and he knows Bloom knows that.

Great ask, Supreme!!! Sorry for the late answer, I already had like two paragraphs written a month ago, but tumblr deleted it and I got frustrated lol

[fl3shm4id3n]

Hello so I heard ur requests is open and I don’t think u remember me but I was the person that asked you how na’vi people would react to Melanie Martinez character (a.k.a the creature) and I just wanted to know if you would like to write about that since you were also asking for suggestions

ₜₕₑ ₒₘₐₜᵢcₐyₐ ᵣₑₐcₜᵢₙg ₜₒ ₐ Fₒᵣₑₛₜ ₙyₘₚₕ

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝

ᴏᴍᴀᴛɪᴄᴀʏᴀ x ꜰᴇᴍ! ꜰᴏʀᴇꜱᴛ ɴʏᴍᴘʜ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴘʟᴀᴛᴏɴɪᴄ), ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜʟʟʏ'ꜱ x ꜰᴇᴍ! ꜰᴏʀᴇꜱᴛ ɴʏᴍᴘʜ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴘʟᴀᴛᴏɴɪᴄ)

Tw: Mentions of human experimenting, rebirth? mentions of the first movie,

A/N: I hope ya don't mind me referring to reader as a forest nymph, based on the song Nymphology.

Masterlist

You were once a human, except, you were used for human experimenting. The whole purpose of the experiment was so that you could be the first human to be immune to the toxic environment of Pandora. They'd be constant serums injected to you and even exposing you to the toxic are to see if it'll work. It went on for years.

Until the war between humans and na'vi, you had managed to escape. But during your escape you had fallen into a huge hole and fell to your demise. You hoped and begged that you wouldn't die lie this, you wished for a second chance of some kind. Then you began to be wrapped in some kind of flesh like cocoon, filling with water.

Years later, the so called cocoon still remained in the hole. Then the cocoon proceeded to open up slowly. Then you had emerged from the now shell like cocoon. Except, you weren't exactly human. Your skin is pink, your hair was no longer a natural color. But a mixture between blonde, green, a purplish grey, pink and so on.

Not only that, but you had more than just two eyes, making them four in total. The last thing you didn't expect was to have a literal pair of wings. If it wasn't obvious, you weren't human anymore. You had no idea what you had become, but you knew that you weren't human not one bit.

After moments of realization, you had to get out of that hole you been in the last couple of years. First you crawled out by climbing the dirt wall. But you were stopped by something that had been attached to you. Looking down, you saw that it was some sort of ambilocal cord attached to you, so you decided to pull it. At first it didn't do nothing, then you pulled much harder, then finally the cord tore off.

Once you were out of that hole, you decided to try and find someone or people to help you. After hours of roaming around in the woods, you had came across the na'vi. Well, group of na'vi kids and a human boy. At first they freaked out because they're never seen a creature like you, but had finally calmed down after some time.

You then explained everything that has happened to you and how you ended up the way that you did. They got curious. They'd ask question after question, such as. Why is your skin pink? Why is your hair multiple colors? Why do you have wings? What's up with your four eyes?

You had no answers to their questions, the only answer you gave them was that you had been 'asleep' for many years and just woke up. They then thought about taking you to meet their father and mother, maybe even grandmother.

When you arrived at the high camp, just like them, their parents. Mainly their father freaked out. Their mother didn't seem to freaked out. When the kids explained to them about your whole or most of your situation. Their father seemed to understand where you were coming from.

As for the mother, she thought of you as a forest creature that had just been born. Sounded normal to her.

Since then on, you'd be around the Sully's. You got to learn their names. Jake, Neytiri, Neteyam, Kiri, Lo'ak, and Tuk. Spider was the family friend of the Sully kids.

Quickly after, the rest of the Omaticaya took notice of you. Since you were always around the Sully's. They had grown curious because they've never seen a creature like you, ever. They didn't seem to really mind your presence, but they couldn't help but often stare. In a curious way.

They'd be times where you'd interact with others other then the Sully kids. They were pretty touchy, often touching your multi colored hair, your wings, your hands and even ears. You didn't mind since they were curious in trying to figure out what you were.

Mainly the children, ever since Tuk had introduced you to her friends. They couldn't help but be around you constantly. They'd ask you question, almost similar to the ones that you were asked and different questions. Like. Can you fly like the ikran? Why is your hair constantly changing color? Why are you pink? Is there more like you?

Almost every day other day you'd get asked a different question by the kids and adult. As much as you wanted to answer them properly, you just couldn't. Hopefully later on you'd be able to answer them all.

[morgana-ren]

Been playing with an idea and I'm curious about your thoughts: Tav stays with Ascended Astarion because she knows he will hunt her down anyway, and that the hunt will wear away what remains of the gentle love she misses. Not even in a "I can rein his worst impulses in" way, but in a "I can't bear to destroy this illusion of kind love because it's the only thing I have left of him" way. idk just musing

Speaking from experience, sometimes we cling to scraps. Somewhere deep and desperate, we know the truth, but facing it would take what little is left of our dwindling sanity-- especially when you are literally trapped in the situation.

When you're staring down the barrel of the gun, sometimes it's better to live with the constant threat than it is to pull the trigger and shatter the illusion.

The die has been cast, the choices long made, and all that is left are consequences.

Being in love can be a wonderful thing. It really can, I hear. It can also be a fucking prison, and worse, it's one of your own making. You can't rationalize with your brain. Our lives would be exponentially easier if we could. Sure, you can know the truth, but there's always some little part of you that fights and wails against that truth. Anything to keep itself stable.

It's a game of giving yourself a reasonable doubt. It's presenting yourself with a logical conclusion, and that nasty little part going "You can't possibly know that!"

Chances are, you didn't fall in love with the monster. You fell in love with the man that came before him-- or at least had that illusion of existing. And Astarion was very much a man before he became... this. There was a time of tender love and genuine affection.

There was a time when he would do anything to protect her-- and he did. He turned to this ritual because he was afraid-- both for himself and for her-- and he did what he felt he needed to do to keep them both safe. To allow them to live long enough for that love to be able to breathe.

There was a time, seemingly not so long ago, when it was a kind love. And yet, these happy memories turned haunting and cold. Something that dances ever on the edge of Tav's brain, just out of reach. Ever grasping, ever longing, ever taunting.

To run would be to accept this truth. It would be to fully reject the lie that has kept her sane. It would be to take away the one raft she has in this maelstrom and leave herself to drown. It would be to accept the truth that this isn't love; it never could be.

Love is vulnerability and selflessness, and by nature, he cannot be. His love is a cage. It is something strangling and cruel that would sooner see her suffocate than free. That is his nature now.

He is capable of saying the right words and making the right motions-- just enough to keep the lie beautiful and believable-- but to acknowledge their emptiness would be to accept that they are nothing but a death rattle. The last note in the swan song that is his dying humanity. It is a ghost of something that once existed, and has chosen to haunt and possess rather than go in peace.

If she runs, he will catch her, and there will be no pretense to his grip. That illusion is gone. She will have played her hand, laid the cards on the table, her intentions bare. And it's a game that not only does he not play by the rules of, he is simply not playing. What she has is the illusion of choice, and sometimes, it's easier to work at building that facade than it is to accept it.

When you look at him, it's those same eyes that once held adoration. The hand that chokes you is the same one that loved you once. You like to think it's still in there, somewhere, deep deep down. If you could only reach--

And what hurts more? To stay and keep trying, keep choking, keep suffering? Or to simply let it end?

Well, when there is no end even if you try, the answer seems obvious. Keep it dressed up in your mind, keep disguising it, keep trying, keep reaching for it. Something tells you that you haven't seen the worst part of him yet, and that monster will come knocking once it isn't placated.

His love for her became something very twisted and wretched. In his mind, he likely does still love her. He is showing it the only way he knows how; the only way he is capable of showing it. If she were to leave, he would feel rejected-- abandoned. Except she no longer has a choice, does she? She runs, he will find her, and he will make her love him, or she will suffer until she does.

It seems a mix of self preservation and mental preservation brewing in a caustic mix with the the dying gasp of what was true love for him. It's dancing on the edge of a razor forever, and in this case, it's quite literally forever.

Maybe she thinks she can remind him somehow. That maybe, one day, she can find a-- a cure or or something to bring him home to her. He's in there somewhere, right? Surely, he must be. This is still the same man she once loved. He's there, he has to be.

It's either keep holding out hope for this, or acknowledge the reality of the situation. It's not as easy of a choice as one might think.

[throwaway-yandere]

ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴀɴsʏ-ᴛᴇᴀ

“𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐬. 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐲𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐦, 𝐀𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞. 𝐀 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐬.”

— Researcher Astrilde's (deceased) husband, log of event ███-K19.

Starting February 14: I will no longer answer asks about myself. As much as possible, I do not want to be perceived. Over the past year, I feel as though I'm treated less like a human being and more of a content machine. Some of these experiences include...

Receiving a casual death threat.

Getting NSFW asks when I have repeatedly stated my asexuality.

Bombardment of constant requests for fic continuations, only to be at the end of radio silence once it is published.

Glossing over genuine requests for mental health stability. I'm aware Tumblr is not my therapist, but I still feel icky about the time I begged for someone to talk to me in Morse code only to receive an ask about a yandere idea they had with the language. It's incredibly tone-deaf. Another instance I have felt terrible about is receiving a playful ask (though likely unintentional) about grief when it has been quite obvious through my posts that I find it incredibly difficult to deal with for the past few months.

This perception has taken a toll on my overall well-being, and I find myself yearning for more genuine interactions. I'm already a very lonely person in real life since I'm forced to prioritize my studies over social interactions due to financial instabilities, but Tumblr has begun to feel like a lonesome space for me as well.

If you wish to talk to the person behind the screen & have fun rambling hours with, don't be afraid to DM me. Don't send asks unless it's content related. DM. me. If not, consume the content as you normally would. It's okay. It's very valid of you to do so!

The more I interact, the more I feel like a comedic relief & performer and not a full-pledged "human." I've spent nights without sleep wondering if people who interacted with me truly think of me as a friend. So if you've noticed I talked a lot a week before Feb 14, this is why.

Astrilde ████-████████, better known as "Ansy", is a junior researcher under the Department of Mythology and Folkloristics. They are known for their hands-on explorations of SCP-█████-B, SCP-█████-C ("Teyvat" & the "Astral Express"). Currently on an unpaid vacation.

𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗿 𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻:

𝗔𝗹𝗶𝗮𝘀𝗲𝘀: "Ansy" (@ansy-tea), Retainer An (@ansy-ansy)

𝗢𝗰𝗰𝘂𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: Psychognosis Specialist (yandere writer & artist)

𝗥𝗮𝗻𝗸: Junior Researcher (AR 60, Asia server)

𝗢𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗔𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻/𝘀: Kingdom of Faerghus (???), Abyss Order (formerly), Kamisato Clan (Ayato & Ayaka main), Stellaron Hunters (Blade main)

𝗔𝗻𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻:

𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘁𝘂𝘀: Alive (Age: "19")

𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀: Euclid (formerly), mostly neutralized

𝗔𝗻𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀: Exhibited "draconic" properties, including scales and bioluminescence. After experiment ███-K19, their 2 sets of eyes are the only visible anomaly that remains.

[granvarones]

One could talk for hours about the cultural significance of an album like The Velvet Rope: the way its composition and construction provide a direct throughline to the songs and albums soundtracking our current times or how Its accompanying visuals amplify the project’s various moods and tones. There’s a weight to it that albums don’t seem to carry anymore, and it reaches all around the human experience to give you songs for lovemaking, party, and rainy-day playlists alike.

For me, what remains constant is the powerful permission that The Velvet Rope still gives listeners: the permission to explore. Its occupancy of the wondering, interrogating, grey space is what brings it to life and encourages listeners to ask hard-hitting questions of themselves and buckle up for the answers.

As a young kid, it would plant seeds of curiosity in me that with each returning spin grew me into adulthood. Queer adulthood. The Velvet Rope is queer as fuck, you may come to find. That’s my personal interpretation but it’s one that is shared among many listeners and critics. To me, it’s obvious. Janet summons the gays to liberation and the dancefloor on the funky detour “Free Xone” and refuses to switch the gendering on her cover of Rod Stewart’s “Tonight’s the Night,” a song that finds her taking a woman’s virginity. She grieves in “Together Again” which would become an anthem to those in our community who we lost to AIDS. The interludes, often overlooked, find Janet peppering in lines from queer-adored films and simulating masturbation while her girlfriend hilariously listens on the phone.

Since Control, we were to understand Janet as a young woman confidently using her voice in a world dominated by men. With The Velvet Rope, I bore witness to a more complicated Janet who was allowing herself to maneuver through the traumas of life (“Together Again,” “What About”), drum up questions and seek out answers (“Empty”), dream in and out love (“Every Time,” “I Get Lonely”) and leverage joy and pleasure (“Go Deep,” “Rope Burn”) as tools in her journey. All these things simultaneously.

I needed to hear that kind of heavy processing as I met, and still meet, the difficulties of the world. That’s why I and so many others still find refuge in it, 25 years since its release. All those loud messages the world sends to play down what makes you different, hide yourself, and quiet your voice sound like hums when Janet’s reminding you that “we’re all born with specialness inside of us” on album closer “Special.”

Never one to sell us a bill of goods, the lacquer of “Special,” meant to send us off on a positive note, abruptly wears, as Janet utters the pointed phrase “Work in progress.” It’s the perfect punctuation for an album that speaks to the complexities of our lives – and queer lives. The exploration that Janet so intimately shares with us on The Velvet Rope proves just how messy life can be but what it also does wonderfully shows how hopeful life can be when you give yourself permission to figure it all out.

Joshua Henry Jenkins (he/him/his) is an interactive media strategist, designer, & organizer of community-based out of Washington, D.C. by way of rural North Carolina. He is currently the Director of Marketing for Theatre Communications Group. He was previously the Director of Web and New Media Strategies at Americans for the Arts. He’s the co-creator of BLACK, GAY, stuck at home as well as the outgoing board chair of the Arts Administrators of Color Network. In service of the communities to which he belongs, he creates and amplifies work that uplifts BIPOC and LGTBQIA+ identifying folks, citizens of rural areas, and most importantly those who exist at those intersections. Joshua received his Master of Arts in Interactive Media from Elon University and his Bachelor of Arts in Communication Studies from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

[rabbitcruiser]

Bicycle Day 

Despite the name, Bicycle Day is not about pedal bikes or Queen; it’s a day to recognize the scientific and psychiatric impact of the drug known as LSD.

Bicycle Day is fast approaching. And while we don’t think it’ll ever take off like Thanksgiving, the popularity of the event is growing by the year. However, it remains a day that’s lost on a lot of people while many others have the completely wrong idea of what the celebration is all about. (Hint: it’s not the obvious answer)

The event has grown at a rapid rate and is set to be bigger than ever in 2020 before enjoying continued development over the years to come. While some people may deem it a strange thing to commemorate, especially when they discover it’s not what they thought, there is no question that it’s here to stay. In truth, it has every right to too.

Just don’t try saying that tongue twister on Bicycle Day.

Learn about Bicycle Day

Given its name, you’d be forgiven for jumping to the conclusion that Bicycle Day is a celebration of the two-wheeled, pedal-driven, single-track vehicle. However, the adulation of the bike is actually reserved for World Bicycle Day – so you can put your helmet and Queen record away for a little while longer.

Bicycle Day is, incredibly, a celebration of the lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD). Or rather, it commemorates a discovery that LSD (and, subsequently, other psychoactive substances) can evoke significant shifts of consciousness even in low doses. It is, therefore, one of the biggest breakthroughs in the history of using the substance as a psychiatric tool, recreationally as well as in other situations.

The day is consequently celebrated in a wide range of psychedelic communities by supporters of various ages, as well as individuals (guilty!) of wanting another excuse for adding a little color to their lives – albeit in a much safer environment.

Given the importance of scientific discovery, not least its indirect impacts on further discoveries, Bicycle Day is a valid celebration that can be enjoyed by all. You don’t need to be a junkie to appreciate the development of drugs for medical reasons in recent decades. So, when exactly did that discovery take place, and how did the day become a day to be honored? Let’s find out.

History of Bicycle Day

While the day isn’t a direct celebration of bicycles, most people that learn about the day are relieved to discover that the two-world vehicles do play an integral role in the story. Even for an LSD user, the absence of a bike would just be weird.

The Famous Bike Trip

The historical event was, quite literally, a bike ‘trip’ taken by Dr. Albert Hofmann. In April 1945, the Swiss scientist accidentally discovered the effects of LSD on the human body. Three days later, he subsequently conducted an experiment in which he intentionally took a 250mcg dose of the substance before riding home with his lab assistant. During the ride home, Hofmann’s trip started with bouts of anxiety and paranoid warped thoughts that his next-door neighbor was a malevolent witch.

However, the trip would change his perceptions in a more positive manner. He later explained: “little by little I could begin to enjoy the unprecedented colors and plays of shapes that persisted behind my closed eyes. Kaleidoscopic, fantastic images surged in on me, alternating, variegated, opening and then closing themselves in circles and spirals, exploding in colored fountains, rearranging and hybridizing themselves in constant flux.”

Having been checked over by a house doctor, it was confirmed that (aside from dilated pupils) no physical alterations could be detected, thus confirming the impacts had been entirely psychological. While Hofmann had correctly predicted this after his previous encounter three days earlier, his calculations on the threshold were wildly inaccurate. That 250mg hit was over 10x the 20mg threshold dose, which probably explains why the impacts were so quick and noticeable.

It clearly didn’t do him much harm in the long-term, though, as he lived to the age of 102!

The Development of Bicycle Day

While Hofmann’s famous bike trip happened in 1945, Bicycle Day didn’t launch for another four decades! That’s one very long comedown…

The first Bicycle Day was organized and celebrated by Thomas B. Roberts, a Professor at Northern Illinois University, starting out as nothing more than a party at his DeKalb, Illinois home. Despite remaining a small scale event over the following years, it grew in popularity at a rapid rate in the early years of online interactions thanks to students spreading the word on forums and other internet platforms.

It is now an annual event that has been amplified to greater levels than ever before, with thousands celebrating it in their own ways. Even more, people are expected to join the fun year after year.

How to celebrate Bicycle Day

Following Hofmann’s discovery, LSD was subsequently the subject of intense medical research throughout the 1950s but arguably became best known for its use as a recreational drug. LSD has been a popular drug among psychedelic communities for many years, but hitting a few tabs probably isn’t the safest way to enjoy Bicycle Day. Instead, individuals are advised to recreate the psychedelic vibe minus the drug use. Fake it, don’t take it.

Solo celebrations can be as simple as sticking on some Beatles music (Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds is literally an acronym of LSD) while reading Ken Kesey’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. It’s trippy, safe, and very easy to organize.

Small gatherings are best enhanced with a few décor changes. Psychedelic hanging rugs or canvas art can work wonders. Close the drapes and use lighting in an effective way to further support the desired atmosphere. The playlist should include;

Jefferson Airplane – White Rabbit,

Timothy Leary – How to Operate Your Brain,

Pixies – Where is My Mind?,

The Moody Blues – Legend of a Mind

Jimi Hendrix – Purple Haze

ATB – Ecstasy

Nicki Minaj – Beez In The Trap ft. 2 Chainz

Eminem – Mushrooms

When Bicycle Day is enjoyed safely, it can be a lot of fun. Better still, there’s no major comedown, enabling an immediate return to normality. Perfect.

Source

[bedbugtreatmentusa]

Reasons that You Need Specialist Bed Bug Treatment Orlando Companies

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[atozphantomsquadron]

IX - Flight

I only spent another week at the lab.  During that week, many of my suspicions were confirmed, especially as I talked more with 37A and spent more time with her.  It was becoming more and more apparent that there was something very dark and evil going on with this experiment, and I no longer wanted any part of it, although I doubted there was any way to get back to where I had been before.

37A and myself kept up the charade of training, continuing to hone our abilities with each other, learning each other’s tendencies, and getting comfortable with flying and firecasting.  During that time, however, I started noticing less and less of the original eleven men being around, particularly at mealtimes.  Three days after the entire unit had been introduced to their STB’s there were only six of them remaining.  Sonny, thankfully, was one of them.  On one morning shortly after breakfast, with time before either of us was due to train with our STB’s, I cornered Sonny just to talk to him.

“How has your training gone with 69J?”  I tried to be casual about things.

“It’s been something else, let me tell you.  I feel like we’re getting along great, there hasn’t been any instances where he won’t do what I ask him to.”  Sonny gently scratched behind his jaw.  Just as my metamorphosis had been commencing apace so had his, as the orange tone of his skin had been replaced by bright orange and white fur, his nose had lengthened to a fox muzzle, and his ears had pointed and moved slowly to the top of his head.

“Have you heard anything about what happened to the others?”

“Oh them?  They washed out, actually.  That’s all I heard.  Well, all of them except poor Chris Bawyer … his STB turned on him and killed him, and in turn died itself.”

“You’re kidding!  What happened?”

“Y’know, I’m not sure.  One minute, he’s excited to meet his STB, the next he’s a statue and so’s the beast.  Something went seriously wrong there.”

I shuddered at this.  So if anything happened to me, 37A would be hurt, and vice versa?  That was too much to bear.  I composed myself as much as possible.  “How have you been feeling, Sonny?”

“I suppose all right.  My energy level’s been off the charts lately, so I suppose all of the excess body hair is a small price to pay for feeling like a million bucks.  What about you?”

I sighed gently.  “I’m not entirely sure.  I’ve got the same thing happening, high energy and weird bodily stuff.  I just wonder about the constant injections, what are they giving us?”

Sonny stroked his elongated chin.  “I’ve been wondering that myself.”  A beeping distracted him.  “Uh oh, sorry, 69J and training sessions are calling.  See you in a bit, L.T.”

I nodded.  Inwardly, I let my mind drift to 37A.  Can you commune with the other STB’s?

=Some of them, not all.  Not all of them are intelligent enough to do this.=

Can you talk to 69J?

=Yes I can, but he’s quite rude.  He prefers to be called “Kitsune,” by the way.=

Has 69J… err, Kitsune been talking to Sonny?

=No, and that’s disappointed him greatly.  Sonny’s brain is apparently not attuned enough for communication.=

I wanted to include Sonny in on my plan to escape, but I needed a way to let him know that wasn’t obvious.  It finally struck me how to get an indirect message to the man.

37A, tell Kitsune to “accidentally” steer Sonny into your cell.  I’ll talk to him there.

=I’ll try, Ariel.  Kitsune is a bit difficult to reason with sometimes.=

The tone chimed for my own training session with 37A to begin.  I made my way to her cell, down the long, dark staircase once more, until finally I was at 37A’s side again.

Sonny had made it into the cell.  He looked at me with a bewildered expression.  “L.T.?  What’s going on?”

I walked up to 37A and kissed her nose gently.  “Thank you, my friend, and thank Kitsune for me.”

=I will.  Give your message to Sonny quickly.=

I nodded, turning to Sonny.  “I’m going to look for some answers to all of our questions, Sonny.  I need your help, you and your STB.”

He looked around fast and panicked.  “What about the security?  Reed and Gerard aren’t going to let us just waltz into their records and find what we want.”

“If we run into trouble, we have the STB’s to help us.  37A already said she would.  We need help from Kitsune … 69J,” I corrected myself, remembering that Sonny did not know his STB’s preferred name.

Sonny swallowed hard.  “I’ll ask him, L.T., but he’s got an independent streak.”

“Just try, please.  I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”  I gently pushed Sonny into the stairway, then jumped up on 37A’s shoulders and rode her out into the gymnasium.  That day’s training involved a battle simulation.  In the midst of immolating several targets and flying over them to escape, 37A’s voice popped into my head.

=Kitsune says he will help you and Sonny.=

High above everyone, near the ceiling, I leaned over and hugged 37A warmly around her neck.  “Thank you, my friend.”

The training session ended quickly afterward, and our combat scores were entered into a console designed for tracking progress.  Reed shook my hand enthusiastically, not disconcerted by it no longer having five fingers.

“Congratulations, lieutenant.  You have the top scores of the team in these exercises.  We’re very pleased with your progress, and are looking forward to putting you out in the field.”

I forced a smile.  “Thank you, captain.”  I looked anxiously over at Gerard, who marked notations on his clipboard.

“Return to your quarters, Vibria.  We’re through with you until tomorrow.”

I saluted Reed, who returned the salute and walked away.  I backed away until I felt 37A against my rear end.  Gently I put an arm around her neck.

“We’re finding answers tonight, girl.”

=Tell me what I can do to help, Ariel.=

I patted her flank in a friendly manner.  “Just hang tight for a little bit, my friend.  I will call you if I need you.”

After returning 37A to her cell, I crept along the hallway until I reached X16, Sonny’s barracks room.  He ushered me inside quickly.

“So what’s the plan, L.T.?”  He crouched next to the door, listening for anyone to break in.  I settled down next to him.

“We head out in the hallway, make our way to the medlab, and take a quick look at Dr. Gerard’s records.  We find out exactly what happened to the withdraws, and hopefully exactly what the STB’s are.”

“I’m with you, L.T.  Lead the way.”  Sonny squeezed my hand gently.

“Thanks.  And please, call me Ariel.”

Sonny nodded.  I opened the door and quickly pressed myself against the wall of the darkened hallway.  Sonny followed behind just as quickly, and we crept our way down to the medical lab.  Thankfully, at the time of night we were sneaking around, no others were around, not even security personnel (which surprises me greatly, even now).

I opened the lab door gently.  My eyesight had greatly improved since my changes had been taking place, so I made my way confidently through the room and back to Dr. Gerard’s enclosed office.  I flipped on a light switch … even with improved eyesight I still can’t read in the dark … and opened a file cabinet next to the desk.  Sonny kept a lookout by the door as I flipped through files, searching for information.

Every file on the men marked “withdrawn” had further information about what had happened.  A chill coursed through my body as I realized that all of these men had not actually withdrawn: they had all died, many from reactions to the “vitamin” injections.

I found my own file.  Pulling it out of the drawer, I flipped through it quickly.  On one of the first pages, I found all of the information I had been dreading to learn:

“Subject G66 has received injections since first arrival date consisting of several hormonal by-products of her designated STB, #37A.  Hormones extracted from the STB for injection include progesterone, estrogen, pinearin, thyroid extract, insulin, testosterone, and growth hormone.  These combined hormonal extracts have had the effect of increasing stamina and speed tenfold, with the added side-effect of creating unusual skin growth and metamorphosis of ears, forearms, ocular organs, and hands.  Subject’s injections with hormonal by-products have created the ideal bond: 37A-G66 can be considered a successful pairing.”

I shuddered coldly.  The next file after mine in the drawer was Sonny’s.  I pulled it out and read the same information in regards to him and Kitsune: they had extracted the same hormones, with similar side effects.

The text changed, however, and that chilled me to the bone.

“Subject’s bond to 69J is tenuous at best, and cellular degradation has been observed in post-injection blood tests.  Subject’s increased metabolic state has been damaging his organs to the point of near-failure, masked by his increased abilities and stamina.  Subject is expected to expire within the next 96 hours: STB designated 69J will perish at the same time.”

I dropped the file, creating a loud noise which startled Sonny.  He looked into the room.  Only when I looked up at him did I notice that he was trembling.

“Come on, Ariel, we have to go.”

My heart ached as Sonny tried to ensure I would escape.  I grabbed his arm tightly.

“You’re coming with me, you and Kitsune.  Come on!”

We both rushed out of the lab, toward the cells, toward our STB’s.  Quickly we opened up the cell windows to expose our respective beasts.  Sonny rushed toward the door to his beast’s cell, while I turned to 37A.

“We need to get out of here.  Sonny doesn’t have much time, and neither do we.”

=I know.  Kitsune has been ill tonight, I fear he has little time left.=

Tears started forming in my eyes.  “We need to get you out of here.”  I desperately searched the control panel, looking for any way of opening the window.  My breathing became ragged with panic and fear.

A shattering noise behind me distracted me from my search.  Kitsune had smashed through his cell window, with Sonny astride him.  Alarms started blaring, as emergency lights bathed the entire room in harsh white fluorescence.  I quickly motioned to Kitsune.

“Come here, break this window!”

Sonny patted the giant fox on his cheek.  Kitsune reared back then pounded his head through the window, shattering it.  In an instant, 37A had flapped her way through the opening, and I was atop her.

“Let’s go!”

Sonny clamped his chest then waved me forward.  “You go, Ariel!  I don’t have a lot of time.”  He patted the fox again.  “Kitsune’s told me as much.  You guys are going to survive, we’ll cover you!  Go now!”

I looked back in anguish.  “We can’t leave them.”

=We must, Ariel.  They are going to be overtaken any minute.=

“We’re staying to fight, then!  I won’t let them die for us!”

=Ariel, they’re dying already.  It does not matter whether they fight or not, they still die.  We still have the opportunity to live, let us take it.=

I wept bitterly.  “Goodbye, Sonny,” I whispered as 37A ran out of the hallway, then shattered the walls of the lab barracks and plunged us out into the rainy night.  The dragon continued her flight up, into the night, until we were above the rain clouds and the only warmth I could feel was the beast’s great internal furnace.

Emotionally and physically spent, I collapsed on the dragon’s back, my head cushioned by the nape of her neck.  I cried hard that night, the tears steaming against the night’s chill and evaporating against 37A’s hide.

=We must hide, Ariel.  They are sure to find us somehow.=

Where can we hide?  How can we hide?

=You have the best chance, you are human.  I shall find a cave, or a grove, or some place where I can be hidden.=

I can’t leave you, 37A.  We’re bonded, we have to stay together because if one of us dies, the other will die as well.

=This is how it must be, my friend.  I will protect you some way.  Sleep now, Ariel, and I will try to take care of you.=

I snuggled into 37A’s skin, still weeping.

=Do not weep for Sonny and Kitsune.  Their sacrifice will allow us to live.  Sleep now, Ariel, and know that this creature loves you like her sister.=

My mind slowed then stopped, as sleep overtook me.

(Transcriber’s note: All efforts to find any further information regarding CIBO #D70 has been blocked, both my efforts and those of my DC friends.  Apparently, the project disappeared off the face of the earth shortly after Ariel’s escape, and left not even a scrap of evidence it even existed in the first place.  Attempts to find any of the command structure, either a “Captain Lance Reed” or a “Dr. Benjamin Gerard,” have likewise proven fruitless.  However, I do not doubt Ariel’s account of the events, nor do I question the assessment she gives of the science behind her bond with 37A.—DAM)

[bestcloudcomputingcompany]

How to Choose a Mobile Application Development Company?

The smartphone has become an indispensable tool to businesses -both in the delivery of services and in improving operational efficiency. You’ve probably already considered developing mobile applications of your own to better equip your organization for today’s challenging marketplace. Finding the right company to whom to entrust the task of creating your app is a critical first step of the process.

Here are five questions you need to ask yourself as you go on your search for the perfect mobile development company.

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What’s in their portfolio?

Most companies talk about their various capabilities on their websites. Go through them in detail to see if the company can offer you the services that you are looking for. What are the tools and technologies they will be using? Are they only developers or do they design interfaces as well?

But most importantly, make sure you take a look at some of their previous work to see how their stated capabilities translate into real-world delivery. And if they have experience in delivering projects that involve similar challenges to your own, that’s even better.

How can their expertise be verified?

Most companies out there claim to have expertise in a range of services and technologies, but it is important to not take such claims at face value. Third-party certifications and compliance to statutory standards are often reliable ways to assess a company’s capabilities and reliability.

Additionally, companies that publish original white papers, write informative blogs, answer technical questions on common online platforms and participate in developer forums are typically more committed to constant learning and to sharing their knowledge with the world. This is another good gauge of inherent technical prowess.

What do their customers think?

A company’s website is often a good place to view testimonials from clients. However, it is necessary to remember that these are testimonials and not review – only positive feedback is showcased on most websites.

Therefore, it is worth taking the time to read legitimate third-party reviews on reliable sites and forums like G2Crowd and Clutch. Additionally, do also contact people whom you know personally, and ask them who developed their app, and how their experience was. Even today, word of mouth is often still the most reliable way to seek information!

What kind of support will be offered, and for how long?

The key to keeping your application competitive and performing optimally is often to keep it regularly updated. Whether it is the addition of minor new features, updates to the user interface, bug fixes or future upgrades, it is important to have a mobile application development partner who will remain at your side through the life of the application.

Therefore it is important to understand the type, extent, and duration of support that each company will offer you before you make a decision on who to work with.

Does their pricing fit your budget?

This must be the last item on your list of criteria in choosing the mobile app development company, but it’s definitely important – for obvious reasons!

Compare the pricing, the value you estimated for the project, and the returns you hope to gain with the project. Take into account that there may be hidden charges. Before you call a company about their charges, however, remember to do your own research on how much a project like yours is usually valued at.

The Next Step

Once you have shortlisted a handful of companies based on these questions, meet with each of their teams individually and hold a high-level discussion on your vision for the application. Analyze whether they are asking the right questions, especially with regard to the end-users and the business plan behind the project. Beyond this, ask probing questions that are specific to the challenges they foresee while working on your project, how they plan to overcome them, and so on. All of this groundwork will set you up well to take an informed decision on your custom mobile application development partner.

Looking for a mobile application development company? We have been featured as a Top Custom Software Development Company on SoftwareDevelopmentCompany.co. To know more, start a conversation with CloudNow today!

[callistolivia]

Sun w/ Venus Romantic Types

*this was mostly just for fun, so don’t take it too seriously if it doesn’t fit you. It also doesn’t take into account aspects in one’s chart, the Moon, and Mars.

*The Sun and Venus are never more than 48 degrees apart which means there are only five possible Sun-Venus combinations. It also means that most people, but not all, born with Venus in the first and last sign Venus can fall into (per Sun sign) will have their Sun in the first or last decan of a sign. These extra layers can really colour Sun/Venus interpretations; so while decans are not mentioned in every interpretation below, it would be worthwhile investigating the decan your Sun is in along with Venus’ description. ❤️

Aries Sun

With Aquarius Venus - The Pickup Artist  If you have this combination, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Aries which expresses the very assertive, passionate, and active nature of Aries. Combined with an Aquarius Venus, it makes for individuals that love to chase when it comes to romance. They have a way with words too, absolute effortless charisma. The initial impression and connection with people is very important to this type of Aries, it ignites the most passion and excitement in them. This type tends to go for people who strike them as unique and exciting. They are not usually in it for the long run when it comes to relationships and may even appear aloof when things get too comfortable. They also feel comfortable going long periods of time just being single and may even value their platonic relationships over their love life. However, what keeps this type of Aries interested is a constant change in scenery because they are often pleasure and thrill seekers. This also plays a role in what this type of Aries is drawn to aesthetically. Their eye is often drawn to innovation and provocation– those who are artistically inclined with this combo may emphasize those two conventions in their art quite a bit.

With Pisces Venus - The Hopeless Romantic If you are this type of Aries, there is an obvious softness to you. The curious and innocent nature of Aries is prominent in this combination. There is an openness and optimism towards romantic opportunity with this type. These individuals spend lots of time daydreaming romantic or uplifting scenarios; they ponder a life stumbling upon them or a perfect meet-cute. The firsts in a relationship are very important to them, any sort of relationship milestone must be celebrated. They would do well with a partner who is also sentimental in this aspect and will also take the lead in making these milestones happen. They are very attracted to knight-in-shining-armor and princess-like characters; people who will play a role in their true love fantasy. They are very giddy and excitable over all pleasant things– overall this is a bubbly variant of Aries. This type is usually adored by all of their friends because of their sweet personality. Venus being exalted in Pisces, there is considerable ease in terms of creativity for this type of Aries. When the rose-coloured glasses stay on, they can actualize their daydreams through creative mediums. Their artistic endeavours usually involve projects that are grandiose in nature. Sometimes unachievable ideas, but the achievable ones end up being masterpieces.

With Aries Venus - The Unapologetically Infatuated  If you are the double Aries, you are not going to waste your time when it comes to getting your needs met and you have a lot of needs that need meeting! If this type of Aries has a crush on you, you will know. This type of Aries is extremely forward when it comes to romantic and sexual intentions. If they want something serious, they will tell you; if they want to play games, they will literally tell you this is a game. They are looking out for what they want and do it with confidence. This type of Aries, similarly to the type with Venus in Aquarius, is also very much a thrill seeker. Their eyes are drawn to excitement, anew-ness, and spontaneity; they lust over the bad boys, the bad girls, and challenges. They want pleasure that’s risky and new to them. In relationships, this type retains excitability throughout. Relationships remain steamy and passionate even several years down the road. If you ask this type why they fell in love with you to begin with all those years down that road, they will surely give you an answer and a gaze that will makes you melt. If this type is artistically inclined, their work will likely be provocative or inspired by unorthodox conventions.

With Taurus Venus - The Boy/Girl Next Door  If you are this type of Aries, you are literally like the lead protagonist’s romantic interest you see in movies. There is a general coolness, headstrong, and heart-throb worthy nature to you. Underneath what one might sonder to be the Martian persona is the tender, loyal, and reliable Taurus Venus heart. This is an Aries that is in it for the long run because they figure one in the hand is worth two in the bush. Venus being at home in Taurus will make this type of Aries definitely favour life’s luxuries and comforts; they are drawn to comfort and familiarity more-so than the other Aries types. They are usually attracted to others with a similar persona and similar interests as described. In relationships, this combo really knows how to facilitate romance, probably better than some of the other Aries combos. Massages, home cooked dinners, date nights, thoughtful gifts out of nowhere, vacations... They know how to keep things ignited several months or years into the relationship. This is an Aries that will take care of you for life. This type of Aries may also be drawn to artistic endeavours because their Taurean Venus will likely bless them with an eye for beauty.

With Gemini Venus - The Eloquent Flame  If you are this type of Aries, there is a good chance your Sun is the last decan of Aries which is ruled by Jupiter. The jovial decan gives an extra layer of optimism and curiosity to this Aries. People are very drawn to this type’s way with words. This is the most flirtatious of the Aries types, even if most of their interactions are not intended to be flirty, they often come across as warm, articulate, and alluring to others. They also have a wicked sense of humour; they know this is the way to anyone’s heart (and bedroom). If you have this combo along with the Jupiter decan, Jupiter really draws out the curious and explorative nature of Aries; this type of individual may particularly seek out adventurous partners to satisfy their need for new experiences. There is no lack of wildness with this type of Aries as well; their idea of comfort is fast-paced fun. They want to drive down an endless highway with the car roof down, the sun kissing them, and their favourite songs on to sing along to. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any endeavour where they can utilize their voice and words; particularly creative writing and acting suits this type extremely well.

Taurus Sun

With Pisces Venus - The Soul Hugger  If you’re this combination, there is a good chance that your Sun is in the first decan of Taurus which is ruled by Venus. It actually doesn’t get much more elevated for Venus than this combination because Venus is also exalted in the sign Pisces! This ultra Venusian individual loves all things pleasure and comfort. People are often drawn to this type’s beauty (this type is literally drop dead gorgeous, even when they don’t think they are) and natural grace. In relationships, the physical aspect is very important to this type of Taurus, they are major cuddle bugs. This type of Taurus sees physical connection as the way to soul connection. They have the softest hands, the softest touch, and the calmest voice; they want their partner to just sink into them. This Taurus has the lowest energy of all the Taurus types which means they prefer low energy or calm activities, low maintenance relationships, and harmonious environments. Spirituality can be quite important to this type; they often enjoy meditating, manifesting, and aromatherapy (for evoking spiritual mindfulness). This is a great combo for the artistically inclined– this individual would be great at anything they put their mind to in this aspect, whether it be visual arts, music, dance, or anything hands-on. 

With Aries Venus - The Selfish Pleaser This contrasting combination of a Venusian Sun with a Martian Venus is exactly how its “Selfish Pleaser” title might indicate. There is an immense impulsiveness and indulgence when it comes to love and pleasure. It’s paradoxical in that they can be very other-focused when it comes to fulfilling romantic needs; They can be so aggressively eager to fulfill other’s needs it’s almost, or rather is, their form of self-fulfillment. These individuals love to give love, but may need to loosen their grip a little bit. Luckily, Taurus are good listeners though they can be stubborn, so they will tame the smothering, hot-blooded Arian Venus to their partner’s liking, maybe. They are clearly extremely affectionate, especially physically. This type really likes to play up the Aries innocence; they desire to be adored by their partner. They also tend to do really well with partners who wear the pants in the relationship which may be surprising for an Aries Venus; they need someone they can look up to and depend on. Unlike the other Taurus combos, this Taurus is more open to trying new things to keep relationships and the world around them exciting, the Aries in them demands it. Not always artistically inclined, but can be as Taurus have their eyes and hands in the natural world, the Aries Venus can provide a more fiery, raw, and bold essence to this type of Taurus’ aesthetic expression.

With Taurus Venus - The Slow-burn The double Venusian warmness from this combo makes for slow-burn mutual attraction. Their interest in people and things grow with time and consideration. Once their attention is caught though, they are locked in and possibly even obsessed. Their expression of love is unconditional, surrounding, and sometimes even smothering. People are drawn to this individual’s softness and glamour. The double Venusian can seduce with their melty-caramel gaze. People feel a sense of security and predictability from this combo. In relationships, this type tends to be quite possessive. They hate being out of the loop on plans, instability, and unpredictability. They would do well with a partner who is reliable, honest, and possibly as equally paced as this type. This combination is likely artistically inclined and very good at hands-on artistic mediums such as painting or any sort of craftsmanship. They may also have particular interest in singing, even if they are not skilled or looking to sing professionally. Singing is a Taurus’ lozenge to the world. They soothe themselves and the environment this way. Taurus want to beautify the world around them like a flood of molasses; slow and caressing.

With Gemini Venus - The Carpe Diem If you are this type of Taurus, you generally know what you want in terms of relationships and romance. There is a lot of quick decision making with this combo– they have a now-or-never attitude which goes both ways in that if they desire something or someone, they don’t beat around the bush, but they also don’t linger on attachments or relationships that are not right for them. The instant decision making can occasionally bring about regret when they drop things too quickly, but this Taurus ultimately knows what’s best for them. In relationships, they are very hyper-focused on their partner and the journey that is the relationship. They express romance through the documentation of the relationship, whether that be capturing every picturesque moment or writing down memories. They are invested in romance as if its activity or hobby rather than an aspect of life. They pick it up and put it down at different chapters in their life. This type of Taurus is the least somber out of all of the combos, there is a lightness about them and they often have a great sense of humour. This combo may have some artistic inclination to any sort of creative writing or visual arts.

With Cancer Venus - The Eternally Devoted  With this combo, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Taurus which is ruled by Saturn. This type of Taurus is the most devoted, sentimental, and locked-in when it comes to relationships. This Taurus is also very cautious in choosing a partner– lots of consideration of the future and longevity of the relationship is involved. If you are this type of Taurus, you find comfort in familiarity and predictability. This equally describes this individual as well, as they are one who can be depended or counted on. This combo is the least driven towards glitter and gold, they are very much content with the simpler things in life. When life isn’t complicated by huge desires, there’s ease– and ease is very important to Taurus. This type also finds themselves attracted to people who express this same value or people who seem simple or classical. The artistic eye that comes from this type makes for great culinary artists, pastry chefs, beauticians, and painters. There’s often a love for presentation and creating or following recipes. This type has a large capacity for patience and a great attention to detail which is why they enjoy activities such as baking, hairstyling, painting, and so on. Venus in Cancer individuals tend to also have a love for what is timeless or of antiquity. Their idea of a perfect date is watching nostalgic movies or thrifting!

Gemini Sun

With Aries Venus - The Firecracker  If you are this combo, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Gemini which is ruled by Mercury. There is something particularly seductive and enchanting about this combo as they tend to be charismatic and outspoken. This individual knows how to win someone over using wit and humour. Additionally, they do have a tendency to play games in their romantic endeavours. It’s all in good fun, but the other person involved may feel frustrated or feel as though Gemini is immature or ill-intentioned. This individual loves mingling and new relationships, but isn’t always too keen on anything long term as they tend to get bored or distracted easily. This is a Gemini with hungry eyes, as Aries Venus folk tend to have large desires– this combo has a sense of fearlessness and strategy towards obtaining their desires. They will go to the extremes for art, pleasure, and beauty. In relationships, this type doesn’t like when things get too serious, they like things to stay casual and carefree. They need a partner who won’t be bothered by this type juvenile antics; who is childish, fun, and has a good sense of humour. If artistically inclined, this Gemini would do well in any artistic endeavour that celebrates their youthfulness and light heart.

With Taurus Venus - The Poet  This type of Gemini has a way with words, whether it be articulation or the sound of their voice. They may have a natural muse in music, poetry, or creative writing. This combo is easily inspired by the natural world and beauty, there is a great appreciation for both of those things. People are drawn very drawn to this combination as it may be quite romantic to fall in love with an artist. Venus being at home in Taurus will make this type of Gemini more pleasure driven– they prefer ease and comfort over wildness, excitability, and unpredictability that a Gemini is usually inclined to. Dating this type of Gemini has all the benefits of their charismatic and sharp mind without Gemini’s tendencies to get bored or distracted. There is much more commitment when Venus is in the soft and passive sign, Taurus. In love, this combo expresses themselves through their natural creativity. They will sing ballads, write poems, and talk about dreams with their lover. Obviously artistically inclined, they would do well exploring their talents for words and prose. 

With Gemini Venus - The Sitcom Heartthrob  The double Gemini is a unique and lovable combo. This individual is goofy, off-beat, campy, and clever. There is something truly authentic and magnetic about a double Gemini that has nothing to do with conventional beauty or romance (though they can be these things as well), but rather their persona, expression, humour, and intelligence. In relationships, this type often ends up with their best friend or someone who falls for their quirkiness. The double Gemini is quite a talker, they will have a lot to say to their partner, as Gemini tend to be sponges for information and they want to share that information. This type does make room to listen to their partner, they can be very attentive and emotional bonds are almost exclusively formed from verbal communication. These individuals are also great story tellers and if artistically inclined, make for fantastic fiction writers. This type does have a love for traditional conventions of romance. They have a huge capacity for loyalty and longer term relationships as well, despite Gemini’s tendency to get bored easily. There is something about the double Gemini that finds comfort in the rhythm and monotony of life; stability is beneficial to them as well, as it aids the Gemini nerves.

With Cancer Venus - The Unassuming Sensitive  This type of Gemini plays it off like they are just a care-free intellectual, but their Venus in Cancer demonstrates a hidden soft side to them that really appreciates romance, sentiment, art, and beauty. This type is really good at hiding this side of them, it only really comes out once they find a partner they really trust who they can let their guard down to. In relationships, they are very attentive and much less talkative than other Geminis. They would rather be a listener first before lending their mind to the matter. This type expresses love through vulnerability and their ability to protect or care. This type also has a great sense of humour, though it tends to be dark. There are a lot of layers to this Gemini which will continuously surprise or shock others as they get peeled back– a Gemini with mystery. If not particularly skilled in art, this type still has a deep appreciation for it, especially historical fine art pieces. They are easily moved by all forms of art and identify themselves in fine art and music especially. 

With Leo Venus - The Lost Boy/Girl  This combination is like a picture with the sharpness and saturation turned up. This combination emphasizes Gemini’s wildness, playfulness, curiosity, and curls. If you are this type of Gemini, there is a good chance that your Sun is in the last decan of Gemini which is ruled by Saturn. There is a magnetic strangeness to this type and they use that to their advantage! This individual’s glamour, wit, and charisma can be a showstopper– they often turn heads everywhere they go. In relationships, there is a playfulness to them and a bit of naivety. Just as the Gemini-Aries type, they too like to play games in relationships. This, however, does not reduce the amount of fawning and adoring that is paid to their partner. Words of affirmation is their go-to love language; it’s not uncommon to hear this type brag about their partner. The Saturn decan find longer term ones more fulfilling; they fancy the concept of being an item and think of life in extension to their partner’s. This type rarely gets bored in relationships, this is a Gemini that knows how keep themselves entertained and the relationship fresh. Flirting never gets old and the honeymoon stage is never ending. Artistically speaking, this type of Gemini would do well in performative arts, whether that be stand-up, acting, or dance. They are fantastic at putting on a character.

Cancer Sun

With Taurus Venus - The Westley If you are this type of Cancer, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of the sign, which is ruled by the Moon. This makes for someone who is extra aware of their own presence and actions as well as others. One might consider this type to have a very worried or cautious disposition based on the amount of care and consideration that goes into how they carry themselves through life. There’s often a sternness or strictness about them as well, like how a parent advises a child on what they can and cannot do for the purpose of keeping them out of trouble. Out of all of the Cancer types, the Taurus Venus type is the most protective of their relationships– sometimes they can even be quite possessive of their loved ones. They are extremely devoted too, this type often seeks out long term connections over short. This is the most physical Cancer type as well, physical affection is very important to them. They are often the big spoon, but need to be the little spoon at times too. There is something very healing about this type of Cancer’s touch, they are quite the natural healers with hands that heal and kisses that cure. With Venus at home in Taurus, there is a natural inclination to artistic endeavours. Like most artists, their art is inspired by emotion– this is heavily translated through fine art and music. Even if it isn’t particularly their feelings, they often like to explore darker, complex, or more intense emotions through art.

With Gemini Venus - The Rockstar  This is a very complex combo because it is as if on paper they are extremely romantic, express love and what it means eloquently, and perceive the world through a lens that is possibly the epitome of beauty, but their relationships generally don’t demonstrate the same amount of “fairytale” depth or vulnerability very openly. This is because their artistic mind and their romantic mind rarely collide; they like to keep these things separate and feel more authentic when they aren’t being serious and sappy all the time. They are very playful and carefree in their relationships. While others may fall in love with their art or perception of beauty, people are also drawn to the real person that is this combo; the real person that is sarcastic, humorous, and laidback. This type generally doesn’t view commitment as exclusivity and may be more drawn to open relationships or a relationship that isn’t labeled. With this said, they are very considerate of what their partner wants in the relationship. While this type doesn’t usually do stereotypical romantic gestures, they are the type to write a song about you or create a playlist for you. This type may be musically inclined and would be great at anything to do with writing or composition. 

With Cancer Venus - The Sweet and Sappy  The double Cancer is a double dose of sentiment. This type feels love deeply and may be a bit of a hopeless romantic. This type loves seeing love, especially if its accompanied with tragedy or star-crossed circumstances. This is because they enjoy feeling moved and expressing compassion. This is definitely the type to fantasize about unlikely scenarios just for the drama of it. Romantic gestures are very important to this type, they will go to a lot of trouble to demonstrate their love and care for their partner. If the gesture is reciprocated, they will literally be over the moon about it and may even get teary eyed. Commitment is also valued quite a bit and this type tends to move quickly in relationships to secure them. They want to be able to plan ahead with whoever their with so there’s a track to follow and a bit of predictability. It also adds comfort in knowing their partner is on the same page as them in terms of life plans. Those who are artistically inclined with this combo do well with visual-focused art, especially photography. They are great at capturing an idea or feeling through their art. 

With Leo Venus - The Sugar and Spice  This type is a Cancer with spunk and allure. On the surface, everyone gets to know this individual as bubbly, timid, and sweet, but in relationships there’s definitely a wilder and excitable side to them. Their wild side is accompanied with a willingness and curiosity; they are all for trying new things in relationships, in fact they welcome it. There’s nothing this type loves more than their partner demonstrating enthusiasm towards the relationship as it feels like more attention– another thing this type loves almost more than anything. This type wants to be showered in attention, they might even nag a little bit or get frisky just to get some! Overall, this combo is extremely loving and needy of their partner. Pampering this type goes a long way. This type may be artistically inclined, if not, they are usually in awe or have a deep fascination for art. This type usually does well in fine arts or visuals arts; they often make for a great painter or sketch artist. 

With Virgo Venus - The Star Gazer   If you are this type, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Cancer which is ruled by Jupiter. This is an extremely complex and fascinating combination with a Jupiter decan involved as it makes an individual somewhat poetic and philosophical in their personality. This type of Cancer thinks very deeply and often goes for partners who are this way also. This is the type who will lay under the stars with you and talk hours upon hours about life; this is how they really connect with people and it’s often a deep-soul connection that they want. They aren’t very outwardly affectionate a lot of the time, much like the Cancer with Gemini Venus combo– they are much better at expressing affection through their words or writing. They will have a lot to say about their loved ones as there’s often a keen attention to detail. They flatter others with their ability to remember their interests. This type usually has a very ironic or sarcastic sense of humor which is sometimes accompanied with underlying negativity. Overlooked though, this type is hilarious and fascinating to be around. They always have something thought provoking to say. If artistically inclined, they often do well in visual arts or writing due to their attention to detail.

Leo Sun

With Gemini Venus - The Adonis  If you are this type, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Leo which is ruled by the Sun. There is something truly magnificent and glowing about this combo. This type embodies a young, naive angel tempted by the mortal pleasures in life and is filled with curiosity. With this sort of personality in mind, this type gets into a lot of interesting romantic entanglements and may break a couple hearts here and there, but this type also has a huge heart, a lot of determination, and plenty of room for growth. In relationships, they may be a little difficult to hold down and keep interested because of their forever curiosity. There’s generally a playfulness and enthusiasm that comes from Leos, this is especially true for this type. They certainly know how to keep their partner excited and entertained. The individuals with the solar decan tend to have a powerful voice. They will speak up for their loved ones and the underdogs; they often have tremendous courage. It takes a lot to hurt this type, and when one manages to, the magnificent angel that is this combo becomes a fallen one. A bruised ego can be difficult to fix here. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any sort of writing or acting because of their bright and attractive personalities.  

With Cancer Venus - The Melodrama  Leos are often known for their exaggerations and drama– this combo is probably the most dramatic out of all the Leo combos. The two placements really feed into each other, where Venus in Cancer desires sentiment and compassion and the Sun in Leo often draws these desires from drama. This type’s love life is often a self written epic. Every step of a relationship is a profound experience for them and every breakup is a tragedy. In relationships, this type can be quite needy; they love physical affection and being doted on. This is very much reciprocated back as they are very caring and protective lovers. They get really into “through sickness and through health” modes which is all a part of the draw towards drama. This type really needs a partner who can play along with them, but also be their rock and place of rationale. This type does have the ability to switch modes and be calm and collected, especially if their partner is in a state of panic. This type also has a particular calmness around children and animals. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in anything that can release that exaggerated energy– so perhaps stage acting or music.

With Leo Venus - The Kitten  Leos don’t get any more cat-like than the double Leo combination. This type generally has a great level of independence and don’t particularly feel like they need a relationship. With this in mind, their standards are usually high or they prefer more open relationships. In relationships they can be incredibly uplifting individuals to be around; they love building their partner’s confidence and overall making them feel good about themselves. They are also very physically affectionate, this is their primary love language– being a literal cuddly kitten (or seductive and wild). Though a huge component of the relationship with this type is building their partner up, there is somewhat of an expectation to be a queen/king and treated like one. They need constant reminders of how important they through their partner’s words and actions. If their partner fails to meet the standards of this Leo, things will fizzle out and hearts will be broken because after all, relationships aren’t a necessity for this Leo! The double Leo is also often artistically inclined, they do well in almost anything that requires creativity. They would do particularly well in design or performance art.

With Virgo Venus - The Queen/The King  People with this combo know exactly what they want and only settle for exactly that. Their standards aren’t super high/unrealistic and they don’t have the same neediness as the other Leo combinations, but they are very particular in their interests, desires, and relationships. This type can often seem distant or up in the clouds because they keep their pursuits or love interests at an arm’s length for quite awhile until they are certain it’s a worthy shot. In addition to this, in relationships they demonstrate affection through what they can do for their partner to make their life easier or happier, unlike some of the other Leo combos that express affection a lot more through physical means. They need to be with someone who really understands this aspect of them, isn’t very needy, and perhaps shares a similar love language . In relationships, there isn’t a lack of playfulness– this type has a great sense of humour, they love to tease, and they often playfully nitpick just to rile their partner up. They also tend to give off a vibe that they are “above it all,” but after getting to know them, they are actually the most humble of all the Leo combinations thanks to their Venus in Virgo. This type is very stoic and the least flashy of the other combos. If artistically inclined, this type would do particularly well in illustrative arts or painting.

With Libra Venus - The Biggest Flirt  If there is something to be said about this Leo combination, it is that they LOOOOVE to flirt! It could be that if you have this combo, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Leo which is ruled by Mars. They are all about the passion, the excitement, and the game of the dating world. They are often great at wooing and charming people since their Venus is domicile in Libra as well. This type is really fun to be around, there is something about them that feels lavish and alluring. It wouldn’t be uncommon for this type to become popular and have an abundant amount of friends because they are so likeable. With this all said, they can still be guilty of being a heartbreaker. There is a level of indecision and inability to commit with this combo. They often don’t know what they want in the long run, but rather just for the moment. This type is best off spending their youth without any long term commitments so they can really learn and grasp what it is that they want down the road. This combination is often artistically inclined and would do well in almost any artistic endeavour that interests them. Particularly illustrative arts tends to be the muse of Leo/Libra combinations; they have a keen eye for colour theory and beauty.

Virgo Sun

With Cancer Venus - The Nest Builder  If you are this type of Virgo, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Virgo which is ruled by Mercury. This type is particularly organized and has set-in-stone plans in mind for their life and desires. They may be a bit of a homebody– they definitely like to be in control of the household and know the ins-and-outs of how it functions well. This type looks for a relationship with someone who shares similar goals, specifically in the context of building a foundation. They love people who really understand and are compatible to their “system” so-to-speak. While practicality is the most important aspect of a relationship, this type doesn’t lack romance or affection. This type is very protective and nurturing and equally loves being cared for in this way as well. Holidays and celebrations tend to be quite important to this type, though the events are usually quite close-knit. This type may be artistically inclined and would do particularly well in writing or culinary arts! The combination of an earthly, Mercury decanate Sun and a water Venus gives this individual very clever, practical, efficient ideas balanced with magical, flavourful, flowing creativity.

With Leo Venus - The Serendipitous  This type of Virgo often surprises people, in a good way. Initially this type may be perceived as cold, shy, or unapproachable, but after getting to know this type, people realize they are quite the opposite. In relationships, this type is extremely warm, affectionate, and playful. This type may even be much more reckless, spontaneous, or less self-restrictive in comparison to the other Virgo types. This type dispels a lot of the stereotypes of Virgos being rigid, compulsive, cynical, and closed-off. This unexpected personality is what attracts more fiery, rebellious romantic interests to compliment this Virgo’s wild side. This type of Virgo likes a lot of attention, but may not directly communicate that. They may indirectly make little complaints or nudges in that direction as a Virgo does, but often in a playful, non-resentful manner. This combo loves to show off and talk about their partner– they often take great pride in their choice of partner, especially when the relationship is having a ton of highs. This type likes people who push them out of their comfort zone and build their confidence. Having Venus in Leo is a great placement to have if you’re an artist. This combination would do particularly well in illustrative arts or painting. 

With Virgo Venus - The Eyes of the Room  The double Virgo is a double dose of Mercurial energy influencing this type’s interests, values, and desires. This type is observant, practical, and careful when it comes to dating. The type of partner they seek must meet this Virgo’s standards which are often high or carry some sort of expectation that the relationship is low maintenance or drama-free. In relationships, the double Virgo makes for a great partner because of their observant qualities– they are amazing listeners, they remember the little things, and go out of their way to make their partner’s life easier. This combination is very attracted to tidiness and uprightness– people who really have their shit together, that are reliable and can give this Virgo peace of mind. With this said, this type is very attentive to their partner’s emotional needs. They express romance through what they can do for their partner, especially if it’s something their partner has forgotten about or has been stressing over. They will go out of their way to help their loved ones during lows. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any sort of design, especially interior design.

With Libra Venus - The Art Kid  This Virgo’s domicile Venus in Libra gives them a little more desire, pizzazz, and maybe even eccentricity. The Venusian influence really makes this type explore a very self expressive, show-offy side to their Virgo sun. This combination really likes to dress to the nines, especially for or with their partner. In relationships, this type is one of the more romantically expressive Virgos. They love to go on dates, even well into the relationship, and are very attentive. They really put in the extra effort even when things have settled in. They constantly are checking in with their partner’s needs and feeling for how they’re feeling. Spoiling their partner with lavish or thoughtful gifts is common with this type. This type doesn’t mind spending a good chunk of coin on their partner. They also wouldn’t mind the same treatment in return! This type is often artistically inclined and would do well in any artistic endeavour they choose. They also like to express their love through their art! 

With Scorpio Venus - The Insatiable Spirit  If you are this combination, your Sun is more than likely in the last decan of Virgo which is ruled by Venus. There is suppressed desire within this complex combination, as both the Virgo and Scorpio archetypes are very much to themselves and often secretive, but with Venus in Scorpio and and Venusian Sun decan comes insatiable desires. This combination is not obvious at all with their interests or pursuits which can be difficult for potential relationships. They tend to open up more as they spend more time with an individual. Eventually they can reveal their interest which often comes as a surprise. In relationships, this type values intimacy the most. They feel loved when their partner shares with them openly and when there is a close physical bond. They really desire unification. Without those things, this type can feel extremely hurt and will close themselves off again. This type is usually in it for the long haul, especially if the chemistry is right, but they really need to be with someone who can really understand the level of desire that comes from Venus in Scorpio. The overwhelming and surrounding love this type has to give can sometimes be too much for people, especially since this type is so unassuming! If artistically inclined, this combination would do well in areas that allows them to express complex feelings such as shame, guilt, and desire.

Libra Sun

With Leo Venus - The True Aphrodite  If you are this combination, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Libra which is ruled by Venus. The mutual reception in this combination makes for an extra creative and artistically inclined individual. This type of individual often loves art and is drawn to events and venues for art. This type also tends to have a great sense of style and loves dressing up! When it comes to seeking out a partner, this type, unlike other Libras, knows exactly what they want. This type is seeking out someone to be their muse. In relationships, they really know how to dote on their partner and show them their pride in them. This combo is very charismatic and flirty. They can be very showy and don’t mind a little PDA to celebrate their love to the world. This type has an inclination to settle down, but if the attention isn’t on them consistently, their eye may wander! Keep this Libra inspired by taking them on dates to art museums and the great outdoors. As described, this type is often naturally creative, so they would do well in any sort of artistic endeavour.  

With Virgo Venus - The Friend to Lover  If you are this type of Libra, you may be somewhat shy around love. There can be a lot of indecisiveness coming from Libra’s influence and a lot of criticism coming from Virgo’s influence which can be quite difficult for this individual to confess their feelings. Usually this combo befriends their love interest and just hopes and prays they will take the initiative to confess feelings for them. While romance isn’t their strong suit, this type is really great at making friends. They can really hold a conversation and introduce new ideas to the table. People often fall for this type’s interpersonal skills and it’s up to the other person to warm this combo up romantically. Since this type is so indirect with romance, the “I love you”’s will hold a lot more meaning and should be cherished, along with other moments of vulnerability. The shyness definitely carries through even in the relationship. This type would do well with someone who can really open them up and encourage them to fulfil their, often neglected, desires. There can be a bit of shame around desire, something that is not uncommon for Venus in Virgo. If this type is artistically inclined, they would do well in any sort of writing. Their ability to express feelings is often stronger and more graceful through writing than it is through words.

With Libra Venus - The Evening Star  If you are this type of Libra, you have a double dose of Venusian energy coursing through you. All that is Venusian is intensified and significant, therefore romance and relationships will play a dramatic role in this individual’s life. Whether that be one big love story with a singular person, or a journey through several relationships, each one with a lesson, big or small, to be taught. In relationships, this type is often tested on some of their traits, specifically the Libran traits of indulgence and superficiality. This type is so involved in consuming what is desirable and being social in a way that fits their environment that it can draw in some quarrels with their partner. This type can sometimes behave like a leaf in the wind which is frustrating to their partner and people close to them. People will often question this type’s genuinity and frankness as they can be people-pleasers. Aside from that, this type is a real charmer and people are undoubtedly drawn to this combination. People fall for this type left and right as the Venusian influence is all-encapsulating like the evening star itself. They have a very pleasant and peaceful presence. In relationships, this type loves to be spoiled with dates and gifts. This type loves all things romance, beauty, luxury, nature, and art. They would do well in almost any artistic endeavour, especially illustrative art or anything that really captures their love of beauty and nature.

With Scorpio Venus - The Obsession  If there is something to be said about this combination, it is that they are COMMITTED and they do not move on easily! This type can be quite flirty in their social circles, but when it comes to an actual relationship, they are completely obsessed with their partner and loyalty is of utmost importance. Venus in Scorpio gives this Libra the intensity you’d expect from Scorpio placements. The intensity can be dramatic– the highs and lows of relationships can be quite turbulent with this type. This type can’t handle being with people that provoke boundaries and break trust; people who could be described as out of control don’t mesh well with this Libra. This type really values stability and dependability. Additionally, it must be recognized that Venus in Scorpio is Venus’ detriment placement which adds an extra layer to the Venusian sun. This type may have a large appetite of desire and sometimes prone to selfishness which is quite a contrast from a typical Libra. This type also tends to know what they want in contrast to Libras typically being indecisive. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any art form that allows them to express their intensity and desires.

With Sagittarius Venus - The Life of the Party  If you are this type of Libra, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Libra which is ruled by Mercury. For these individuals, this puts communication as a theme at the forefront. This type usually has a large social circle and they are the most flirty of the Libra types! This type also may be open to open relationships or non-monogamous relationships– commitment or exclusivity isn’t huge for this type unless Saturn is prominent in the birth chart. With that said, this type is often a believer in soul-connections and will remain a strong presence in the lives of their soulmates. The Venus in Sagittarius does gives some spiritual inclination as well, but pleasure and reality tend to outweigh its importance particularly in this type’s youth. Experiencing life at its fullest before pondering it and God is the order in which this type tends to live. This Libra values fun the most when it comes to dating and relationships. They get bored easily, so new experiences and people are what keep them interested. You can expect to go on some very interesting dates with this type! This type is great at conversation, they are usually quite charismatic, warm, and humorous. They may have a more excitable presence in comparison to the other Libra types; they are best described as the life of the party, truly. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any art form that allows them to express their wildness and excitability.

Scorpio Sun

With Virgo Venus - The Paradox  If you are this type of Scorpio, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of the Scorpio which is ruled by Mars. This intensifies the Martian sun’s need for action as well as desire. Accompanied by Venus in Virgo, the need for action feeds into Virgo’s desire to serve. There’s complexity to this type’s personality; strong themes of autonomy in the paradox that is them serving their own desires through their desire to serve others. This type’s love language is, well, acts of service of course. This is incorporated in mundane aspects of life as well as intimate ones. This type is an excellent homemaker, but wouldn’t do well with a partner that doesn’t share the work of a household. There may be some shyness or coldness with this type even after they have, what they would consider, opened up. Their attentiveness intimately makes up for being difficult to read or unaffectionate. This combo’s capacity for big desires and fetishes may be of intrigue to those who are equally secretly freaky... Typical with Virgo in Venus, this type can be picky when it comes to starting and sustaining relationships. Imperfections in their partner can often be deal-breakers so this type either puts off relationships entirely or only pursues casually. This combo’s ability to understand complex concepts would make for a great writer or poet, if artistically inclined.

With Libra Venus - The Femme/Homme Fatale  Of all the Scorpio types, this one is the most flirtatious and one of the more out there Scorpios. This type is sizzling and charismatic– don’t be surprised when you fall for this type’s charm. This type doesn’t play games, they get straight to the point when it comes to pursuing someone. In relationships, their loveliness and charm doesn’t fade, they retain and express their mysterious allure forever. Very affectionate and warm; they never let their partner feel confused on where they stand in the relation and they really know how to make them feel secure. With that said, this type is a very different person when you’ve hurt them, Scorpios hold grudges after all! This type is very artistic and will often incorporate their artistic mind and abilities in their romantic gestures. For example, they really know how to create a great atmosphere for dates through the classic mood-setters like food, scented candles, certain fabrics, colours, etc. The senses and art go hand in hand greatly with this Scorpio. As this type tends to be artistically inclined, they do well in most artistic endeavours, especially those in which Scorpio’s provocation and Libra’s beauty can go hand in hand.

With Scorpio Venus - The Hungry Like a Wolf  A double dose of Scorpio makes for an individual with an ocean of depth and intensity. There isn’t a love that’s deeper than a Scorpio’s. However, with this said, Venus is in detriment when in Scorpio which may add a layer of complications. There’s a tendency for this type to be untrusting, secretive, and stingy with their vulnerability. This type demands a lot of attention and focus on them, exclusivity is a must. The double Scorpio can be best described as very love-hungry. They really need to be with their partner constantly and may even be borderline obsessive at times. This type values a spiritual/emotional connection either as equally as or over an intimate/physical one. The passion and intensity this type exudes is consistent in highs and lows. They can be particularly cruel and punishing when hurt by a loved one. It wouldn’t be wise to get caught in a lie with this type! Their affection feels all-consuming and maybe even a little aggressive. This combo would do well with someone who doesn’t mind or even enjoys being with someone who’s quite possessive and protective over them. They really need to be with someone who is always on their team, so to speak. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in artistic endeavour that allows them to explore the complexity of a detriment Venus; endeavours that are emotionally and spiritually explorative. 

With Sagittarius Venus - The Bloom from Gloom  While it’s common for Scorpios to be quite secretive, this type is the quickest to become an open book for the sake of love. The fiery, gregarious Sagittarian Venus can really aid to making this Scorpio appear sunny, warm, and extremely approachable. This type is loud and forthcoming, it will be very obvious if they like you. This type can also be considerably more social and pleasure driven than the other types– they are very much party goers like the Libra type unless indicated in their chart otherwise. In relationships, there is no lacking in the fun and physical aspects. This type values the physical aspect of relationships quite a bit and tend to have a very carefree and relaxed attitude towards sexuality. This type likes to be quite goofy and humorous with their partner, there’s really no bigger turn-on than making their partner laugh! As with all Scorpios, the intensity is still there with this type; you can expect as much passion in this type’s love as the others. Their value in spiritual connections or spirituality in general may be more prominent with a Sagittarian Venus. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in an endeavour that honours their value in spirituality.

With Capricorn Venus - The Dark Side of the Sun  If you are this type of Scorpio, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Scorpio which is ruled by the Moon. This Scorpio is the most emotionally expressive and focused out of all of the types, which may seem surprising as a Capricorn Venus is so readily labeled as cold and calculating! There is actually nothing calculating about this combo; there may be a bit of coldness or rigidity, but as lovers they are very considerate and adoring. In relationships, this type may be a bit controlling– it stems from their feelings of foresight and protectiveness. This type definitely needs to wear the pants in the relationship. Financial security can be particularly important to this Scorpio. As mentioned, this type is quite emotionally focused, therefore they may be quite sensitive and have tendencies to lash out when hurt; obviously this type’s Moon sign will be more telling in terms of sensitivity. This type values exclusivity and predictability, they can’t handle people who are aloof, hard to read, or in need of constantly indulging in their freedom/free will. This Scorpio desires long term, deep connections with a foundation that facilitates vulnerability. People find themselves attracted to this type because they have a very sure and safe presence, like you know you’re going to be well taken care of. This combo’s ability to be in touch with lunar dwellings makes for a great artist; they would do well in anything that allows them to express lots of emotion such as writing, music, or acting.

Sagittarius Sun

With Libra Venus - The Mystic  If you are this type of Sagittarius, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Sagittarius which is ruled by Jupiter. This is Sagittarius in its true mystic expression. This type is magical, extravagant, and fair. Venus is in its ruler with this combination, so the themes Venus holds importance over will be prevalent in this type. That means themes of relationships and values are quite strong. This type is very spiritually attuned and values very deep connections with people. With this said, this Sagittarius is difficult to hold onto. They are always onto the experience in their life despite being committed to the moment. In relationships, this type’s attitude is very optimistic and diplomatic. People are very attracted to the overall vibe this combo gives as it tends to rub off on others. Their extravagance comes from this types desires for big and luxurious things. This Sagittarius manifests big time since they have a lot of dreams of luxury. This type’s love of spiritual and philosophical concepts may give urges to go on journeys to further explore their curiosity; their partner, of course, is invited to this spontaneity. This is how the deep connection is fostered; being spiritually on the same page and experiencing things together. Being inspired by the natural and supernatural world, this type is often quite artistically inclined. You can get a glimpse of their mystique through their artwork.

With Scorpio Venus - The Sultry Sage  If you are this type of Sagittarius, then you might get mistaken for a Scorpio a lot! The intensity of Venus in Scorpio really feeds into this type as they much more dark, brooding, and desire hungry compared to the other types. While still retaining the deeply spiritual qualities Sagies tend to have, you will notice with this type that they are much more needy of affection and closeness. In relationships, this type can be a bit aggressive or jealous over their partner; they need a lot of reassurance and affection to keep this at bay. Exclusivity and long, committed relationships are often valued in this type. People find themselves attracted to this type’s seductive personality– their desire for deep discussions, their cleverness, and charisma. If you’re looking to lay under the stars with someone, this is the one, but there probably won’t be a whole lot of star-gazing! They also tend to have something completely unforgettable about them, whether that be their gaze or perhaps their voice, just something to not be forgotten. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any artistic endeavor that expresses the sultry darkness within their Venus in Scorpio.

With Sagittarius Venus - The Brightest Star  This type of Sagittarius is quite similar to the Libra Venus type, but less materialistic and a lot wilder. This is the double Sagittarius; a double dose of Jupiter! All the joy, mystique, and abundance of the Jovian planet is apparent in this type. If there is something to be said about this type, it is that they are extremely passionate about their values/interests; they literally love their joys to death and become the brightest person in the room when talking about them. In relationships, this type is very spontaneous, excitable, and optimistic. They love nothing more than goofing off with their partner or loved ones and fulfilling urges of wanderlust. In relationships, the pursuit of just feeling happy is most important. They want to be with someone who can make them laugh and vice versa, someone who is open-minded and with a hopeful outlook and willingness. While this type tends to have a high tolerance, they don’t stick around negative crowds or relationships. When this type isn’t trying to make you laugh, they can seem quite philosophical as Sagittarius tend to be. If you’re looking for both silliness and deepness, it can be found within this type. This type can get bored easily, but they are also easily committed– they just need someone to keep feeding the fire so they don’t blow out. If artistically inclined, this type should find an endeavour that captures their love of abstract ideas, philosophy, culture, and spirituality. 

With Capricorn Venus - The Breadwinner  This combination really slows down and brings a Sagittarius back to earth. This is a Sagittarius that lives in the present (and maybe a bit in the past as well..) and one most people can easily keep up with! People are drawn to this type for their stability and dependability. In relationships, this type is much more cautious and conservative compared to the other combos. They may even be a little bit opposed to PDA or a bit rigid when it comes to expressing affection. This type still lives up to the Sagittarius’ stereotype of needing freedom; the freedom they want is control over their life. They often want to be the one to wear the pants in the relationship and make the big decisions. A plus to this icy Venus is that this type is actually quite good with money– far better than the other types! Sagittarius dream big and this combo knows how to save for those big dreams. Because of the nature of Capricorn energy, this combo tends to have two types that they are attracted to; people they can take care of and people with status; bonus if someone happens to fit into both these types! This type likes to express love through acts of service primarily whether that be completely spoiling you with gifts and quietly doing the dishes after an argument to show they’re sorry and that they love you. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in the makeup or fashion world as they really know how to take things to the next level with professionalism, sophistication, practicality, and attention to detail. 

With Aquarius Venus - The Freedom Chaser  If you are this type of Sagittarius, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Sagittarius which is ruled by the Sun. The cocktail of this combination of solar influence and an Aquarian Venus can give some complexity, especially for this type’s attitude towards relationships. The solar decan really makes this type stand out and for others to be drawn to their light. While shiny, attractive, and unique, this type is hard to get with! Extremely independent and always on the move; they always have an excuse as to why a relationship won’t work or how it isn’t right for them at the time, which is totally fine. This type’s autonomy and value over freedom is very commendable. They know what they want and they aren’t desperate! With this said, this type is attracted to people who share the same dreams or ideals as them. If they find someone who is running in the same direction as them, it may spark some romance. They also like individuals who are unique like themselves. In relationships, this type may be a little bit hard to read and their mind may seem like it’s elsewhere when affection is being requested from their partner. This type still retains the silliness Sagittarius tend to have, letting loose and having a good laugh can really bring them back to earth. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in endeavours that allow them to express their value for freedom and demonstrates their glistening uniqueness. 

Capricorn Sun

With Scorpio Venus - The Master  If you are this type of Capricorn, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Capricorn which is ruled by Saturn. There is an inquisitive and clever nature to this combo. They are very smart and never easily fooled! It can be difficult to break down the walls of this type, particularly because of the crystallizing Capricorn Sun accompanied with a detriment Venus; vulnerability is hard to come by unless the Moon tells otherwise. If one were to actually get to know the secrets this type holds and be in a relationship with them, they’d discover a surprisingly needy and amorous side to them– maybe even a kinky side! Martian Venus’ have quite the capacity for desire, after all. What people love about this combo is their loyalty, dependability, and wit. This type is very committed in relationships and isn’t the type to stir things up; keeping the peace (and quiet..) in the relationship is important to them. While they strive for steady sailing, it can lead this type into somber and cynical moods; they tend to sink into stillness and are prone to seriousness. A partner who is more cheery and optimistic will keep this type afloat. This type expresses love through their demonstrating deep respect for their partner and physical closeness. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any endeavour that can express their provoking thoughts and ideas.

With Sagittarius Venus - The Philosopher  This combo is the steady head of a Capricorn and the endlessly wondering Sagittarius. This is a Capricorn with optimism and joviality; the glass is always half full with this type. This type is very fascinated by the world, as Sagittarius influence tends to express; they love learning about different cultures, philosophy, theology, and spirituality. People are attracted to this type’s curiosities and likewise this type tends to be attracted to those who walk an off-beaten path and have plenty of stories to share. Venus is quite comfortable in Sagittarius, so it can really warm up a Capricorn’s iciness. In relationships, this type values honesty and happiness the most. They approach relationships with a particular openness and energy. You can expect the most adventure from this one in comparison to the other types! This combo can get bored and move on from interests rather quickly, so relationships that are dynamic are a must to keep this type hanging around. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any endeavour that expresses their love for different cultures and philosophy.

With Capricorn Venus - The Chivalrous Lover  The double Capricorn is a combo of coolness, chivalry, and classiness. You can expect to be blown away by this type’s respect and politeness to others, especially the people they care about most. Venus in Capricorn however does have its iciness; this type can be quite difficult to get in touch with romantically. Warmness is overshadowed by chronic seriousness and concern for their responsibilities. Sometimes this type prioritizes their their career, goals, or projects over relationships entirely. When this type is in reach, they express their love through planning their future with their partner, their protectiveness, and actually letting go and having a good laugh with their partner. This type is surprisingly humorous, especially when it comes to cynical or dark humour. This type tends to be attracted to people who seem to have their shit together, who are quite traditional in some way, and present themselves with the same seriousness or classiness that Capricorn has. Capricorn looks for stability, it is one of the things they value most in relationships. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any endeavour that harnesses their sophistication and professionalism, such as fine arts, cosmetology, or fashion. 

With Aquarius Venus - The Unconventional  This is the quirky and odd Capricorn. There is absolutely nothing traditional or predictable about this type; this combo really takes the Saturn energy to the next level with Venus in the rebellious and unique sign, Aquarius. This combo is truly the manic pixie dream girl (or... whatever the male version of this is) of the Capricorn types. People will be drawn to this type’s uniqueness and incomprehensibility. This type can be rather confusing and hard to read; they often have very odd ways of gesturing their attraction to people. This type could literally write a song about you with no romantic intention, but in the same vein do something entirely unnoticeable as a gesture to show they like you. This type is equally attracted to unique individuals. They also like people with a coolness, independence, or stand-offishness. It works well for this type if their partner is equally a puzzle to be figured out. With this all said, this Capricorn does value its independence and does have a tendency to not seek relationships at all (it won’t stop them from flirting though!). If artistically inclined, any endeavour that demonstrates their oddness would be optimal for this type. Mixed media and anything experimental would be great for this type. 

With Pisces Venus - The Musician  If you are this type, your Sun is more than likely in the last decan of Capricorn which is ruled by Mercury. As Capricorn comes to a close, we see the magical concoction that is this type. With the influences of a refined Capricorn in a Mercurial decan and an exalted Venus, this type is particularly blessed in the realm of art and love. This type values true love, sacred love, or higher love. They may be particularly spiritual and attuned to the natural world. This type is extremely sacrificial and would carry the world on their back for anyone they considered deserving of that. In relationships, this is the most attentive and expressive of the Capricorn types and in some ways they are similar to the Sagittarius Venus Capricorn, but in contrast to that type, this one does have a tendency to negativity and catastrophic thoughts. This type has a tendency to be attracted to “broken” people or people that need “saving,” so there should be some caution or warning for this type to stray away from people that may take advantage of their selflessness. This type can be quite sensuous, again thanks to earthy Capricorn accompanied with an exalted Venus, they love physical affection and care. This type is usually artistically inclined and would do really well in practically any artistic endeavour– however this type would do particularly well in music because this combo is naturally poetic and refined. They are fantastic at communicating love and beauty through music.

Aquarius Sun

With Sagittarius Venus - The Traveller  If you are this type, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Aquarius which is ruled by Saturn. This provides extra uniqueness and wisdom to the already genius that is Aquarius. With Venus in Sagittarius, this Aquarius fulfills their desires abroad and as far away from familiar as possible. This type loves to be the foreigner and often gets attention for being so. While broadening horizons in far away lands, this type falls for people who are totally different from them or from a completely different background. They love people who can share a good story about their life and teach them everything they’ve ever known. This type’s overall presence is that of someone who’s happy-go-lucky and positive to be around. They’re often quite wise and well versed in multiple worldviews. In relationships, they value honesty and integrity the most. Additionally, communication is quite important with this type because there is some level of obliviousness with this type. An authentic connection with this type can often feel absent unless there is dedicated time to discuss feelings. They are always very much in the moment and striving for the peak of experiences. They express their love through living through experiences with their partner. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any endeavour that demonstrates their vast knowledge and wisdom.

With Capricorn Venus - The Gentleperson  This Aquarius tends to be quite a bit more formal in their expression and conservative. They like things clean cut and refined. There is a tendency to really like modern design (especially in terms of living space, work space, and how they dress) and enjoy tradition (in the sense of values and nostalgia) simultaneously. The very industrial and professional vibe this type gives off obviously has some difficulty translating into their romantic life. While they can be very polite and gentlemen/lady-like, there is some rigidity, coolness, and difficulty winning the heart of this type. They typically don’t play the dating game, they prefer people who fancy the word “court” and people who go out of their way to impress them with their morals, values, and efforts on this world. This type tends to be very rational and may have difficulty being around people who are the very opposite. Reserved, but blunt; they tell things like it is. People often find themselves attracted to this type’s strength, stoicism, and intelligence. In relationships, this type will kick off their boots and let their hair down sometimes– and it’s encouraged as this type would greatly benefit from relaxing every once in awhile. Their biggest expression of love is being comfortable around you. This type would do well with someone who’s independent, clever, and able to make this Aquarius laugh. They prefer lasting relationships over short ones, but they know what they want and don’t want. They won’t keep a relationship going or lead someone on if it isn’t what they want in the long run. If artistically inclined, this type would do really well in any sort of design, particularly interior design, drafting, or architecture; anything that peaks their interest in modern aesthetics.  

With Aquarius Venus - The Storm  The chaotic and misunderstood combination that is the double Aquarius forever puzzles most. The double Aquarius lives their life paradoxical and shifts gears experience to experience. It is true that this type can be a bit wild– they do go after all of the boys/girls, are at all of the parties, indulge in all of the conspiracies theories and yet simultaneously if you actually ask this Aquarius what they want, they will tell you something along the lines of one true love, stability, and truth. This type actually does value commitment, settling down, and they are extremely intelligent, confident, and well-spoken. With that said, it is not without this type having feelings of doubt and suspicious of themselves and others. While being outwardly strong, this type can have some tendencies towards imposter syndrome. People find themselves attracted to this type’s hidden talents, their trippiness, quirkiness, and unconditional acceptance for others. This type will put others before themselves and will go to great measures to protect their loved ones. They are often drawn to people who are also natural weirdos themselves; people who are youthful and fun; people who they feel like they’ve known forever. This type values honesty, open-mindedness, and quality time the most in relationships. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any endeavour that expresses their uniqueness such as crafting, mixed media, or abstract artforms. 

With Pisces Venus - The Alien  This type is unusual and magnetic; otherworldly even. This type tends to be the “weirdest” out of all the Aquarius types. They have particular tastes, whether that be in music, values, foods, or romantic partners! They just have a liking towards kooky things. This type is also the most humanitarian driven as Venus in Pisces encompasses unconditional love and immense compassion for others and the world. Very spiritually driven as well. This Aquarius is very emotionally expressive, particularly so if the Moon’s position agrees. They are attracted to equally sensitive people; they need to be with someone who can facilitate their main outlet of catharsis which is wallowing about the world’s pain and flushing emotions out like a toilet! To be in a relationship with this type means going on a mission and using love to benefit the world. Moreover, this type tends to have some unusual talents which people will be drawn to, whether it be their beautiful voice, synesthetic mind, or their attunement to the supernatural. They are often artistically inclined and tend to do well in any artistic endeavour. Particularly music and fine arts are the most rewarding for this combination.

With Aries Venus - The Wild Thing   If you are this type, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Aquarius which is ruled by Venus. This additional ray of Venus can really benefit a Venus in detriment, which Venus in Aries is. The natural sextile between the Sun and Venus in this combination compliments this too. We see the nativity and curiosity expression of an Aries Venus really come out in this combination. There is a thrill and desire for anew-ness and discovery; this attitude is what dominantes this type’s realm of romance and art. This type is drawn to anything and anybody that is new and exciting to them. This type has a willingness to try everything at least once. Relationships tend to be quick and short-lived as the next big thing seduces this type away. However, in relationships this Aquarius always gives 100%. This type imprints a loveable unforgettable-ness onto others with memories of good times and pure fun. This type pioneers with their partner and shares experiences of adrenaline. This type is one of the more physical Aquarius types; they are very passionate when it comes to intimacy. This Aquarius is warm and very connected or attuned to their partner. They, however, don’t lack independence; they do need their space and they like having the challenge to fight for or chase affection. This type is quite creative; they are filled with innovative ideas and would do well in any artistic endeavour that demonstrates their talents.

Pisces Sun

With Capricorn Venus - The Guru  If you are this type, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Pisces which is ruled by Jupiter. There is a sense of maturity and wisdom from this combination; they are a capsule of knowledge open to everyone around them who wishes to be bestowed with this Pisces’ teachings. Even young individuals with this combo seem way beyond their years– they are old souls. This type’s sense of knowingness tends to draw in lots of people who are eager to learn or could be characterized as having some naivety. For that, this type tends to attract people who are much younger or older than them or people who come from a completely different background (culturally, religiously, or educationally). Relationships can often feel like teacher-student relationships as there can be a particular sense of mentorship or overfunctioning coming from Pisces. Relationships aside, this type is somewhat of a recluse. They dedicate their time and love-energy to learning or spirituality. They can even be somewhat detached romantically as they are always invested in the bigger picture whether that be the meaning of the relationship or future plans or even financial aspects of the relationship! There’s somewhat of a seriousness about them. They tend to have high morals and expectations for themselves and others. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in arts that require great skill and patience (as if all art doesn’t require this...), particularly music and illustrative tends to be this type’s muse and talent!

With Aquarius Venus - The Dream Drifter  This combination has some complexity to it. While this type truly seeks deep love connections, they repetitively have difficulty finding contentment in relationships, dreams, and desires. People and places get old fast. They drift from one direction to the next trying to find identity in something. This type tends to be attracted to people who inspire them and feel like a “new leaf” to their life. They also seek acceptance and have deep desires to fit in somewhere; they dread being alone. This type’s love language is primarily acts of service; they feel immense love when people go out of their way to do something for them or teach them something. It’s what gives them that sense of acceptance they are looking for. In relationships, this type expresses love through their creativity. They tend to have a talent for some sort of craftsmanship or a way with words in an artistic sense. They try to search deep within themselves that feeling of a deep love connection and put it into whatever they’re creating. This type loves to write letters in this way. This Pisces is very difficult to hold onto; even when they feel like they’ve found themselves in a relationship and years have gone by, the discontentment creeps up on them and something shiny, new, and far away looks like the cure– and poof, they’re gone. This type is often artistically inclined, clearly, and often do well in music, fine arts, and film. 

With Pisces Venus - The Healer  The double Pisces is comparable to the deepest parts of the sea. Mystical, deep, all encompassing are just a few words to describe this potent Pisces combination. This type is deeply spiritual and filled with compassion and charity. They are a fighter for free love and unconditional love. This type tends to attract people who are in deep need of help or misfortune; it is because the double Pisces is a natural healer. They should be cautious of people who will use this type for everything they’ve got. Pisces are extremely self-sacrificing, even to those who don’t necessarily deserve it. This type equally tends to go after people who may need helping or “saving” and caution should be practiced here as well as not everyone can be saved. This type values a spiritual connection with people the most and desire long term connections (but not necessarily exclusivity). They often have deep fantasies, especially in the realm of love. Escapism is common with this type. Sometimes their fantasies involve some unrealistic expectations of their partner or life in general so this type should find someone who can gently take the rose-coloured glasses off when necessary. Venus being exalted in Pisces, this type tends to be artistically inclined and would do well in any artistic endeavour they choose. 

With Aries Venus - The Siren  This Pisces is seductive, passionate, confident, and forward in the realm of love. The harsh Venus in detriment is completely masked by the Pisces’ soft voice and calmness. It gives way to the Martian Venus to pursue their desires and be openly flirty– and boy does this Pisces love to flirt! They have a spectacular way of facilitating chemistry with just about anyone; they are very attuned to others and curious. They pursue interests very quickly and move on just as fast. This Pisces is that one friend that has a new crush every week. Excitement and passion in relationships is important to them, as typically expected from Venus in Aries. They need joy, warmth, and anew-ness to stay interested. It’s easy for this type to fall into a pit of misery and insecurity which is why a bubble of optimism is necessary for this type. They also deeply value the physical connection in relationships; not just sexually (though that is important), but just general physical closeness and affection is what makes this type feel very loved. This type has some tendencies of being impulsive and naive, so a partner that can keep them level-headed would be very beneficial to them! If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any artistic endeavour where the can utilize their intense magnetism.

With Taurus Venus - The Daisy, Daisy  If you are this type, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Pisces which is ruled by Mars. In a lot of ways, this type is quite similar to the Aries Venus type; very passionate, intense, and flirty. However, this type is a lot less on-the-nose when it comes to their pursuits; they prefer to draw people to them with a bit of mystery (it also has a lot to do with the fact that this type is a bit lazy, but hey, there’s nothing wrong with that!). This type often has a natural beauty to them anyway, they don’t need to say much for one to be completely enthralled by the nature of this combo. Additionally, in comparison to the Aries Venus type, this combination is not impulsive at all. They really like to weigh out the validity of their decisions and desires before doing anything. They like relationships to last and exclusivity. Relationships must provide some dependability and stability. Unlike the other Pisces types, this type can very well be impressed with luxury. The Venus in Taurus does create some desire material things and value for hedonistic lifestyle. This is a Pisces that wants to be spoiled and doted on. The physical connection in relationships is also important, especially if the Sun is in the Mars ruled decan. Being sexually compatible sometimes sits at the top of their list when it comes to relationships. This type is typically artistically inclined in someway; they are often great singers, dancers, or artists thanks to Venus being domicile. They have incredible voices and graceful movements; very in tune with the rhythms of the earth.

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[olderthannetfic]

[Is the end nigh anon]

I never actually got around to trying discord until recently, mostly because i had a feeling it wouldnt work for me. But then i saw that post of yours about the emergence of ao3 and went to #8(/#9 im sorry)’s blog and found all these guides to set up your own site, encouraging you to learn html and lean into the small web. And ive started trying to learn, but in the meantime i figured id give discord a try as well, since that seems pretty similar to the closed groups of LJ and ye ol internet even before.

And boy oh boy is it not for me. Maybe i just stumbled upon the wrong places but… theres always this “in” feel to them, which of course there would be, theyre basically huge whatsapp groupchats, but with people i dont know. I barely have the energy to be active on groupchats with friends i know and love and know irl and have a history with, i definitely cant be active enough to remain “in the know” in a discord server. This duscussion thread format requires so much energy, and im more of a lurker. I send asks and add onto my reblogs sometimes and stuff like that, but definitely am not in any circles where fandom is conducted privately and nor would i have the energy to be.

Having to use that kind of format as main fandom-format would take it out of me so badly… i understand that with users being the products and the constant exposure, it does seem natural to seek out more closed private places. But i honestly feel discord is not the place for it, at least to me. Everything moves way too fast and the cliques are the last nail for me. If i was interested in social hierarchy i wouldve stayed on instagram. The fact that tumblr is as anonymous as you want it to be and has no follower/likes chasing is the main reason why i love it (besides the familiarity and everything). I understand this is not everyone’s experience, but my dash is curated to death, i never see any bullshit, so to me this space does feel intimate and cozy as well (i guess without chatrooms, but i dont really feel that loss) and im a strong beliver in blocking.

I feel like discord is too careless and borne of modern understanding of internet social spaces, if that makes sense. I feel like closed, more private formats of interacting with fandom would also require more “care”? For example, having your own site, maintaining it, modifing it, lovingly adding to the content, the layout, eveything, theres this “tending to” vibe, which i feel encourages bringing in this vibe into fandom interactions themselves, as opposed to the fast, impossible to catch up with, catty or careless vibe of discord. Yea, the internet goes at breakneck speed and were just along for the ride, but at least in a public space like tumblr that feels manageable.

I do think that to thrive fandom requires being able to take a break without having to suffer the cost of being left behind. And sure, i guess that would work if your server is with people youre friends with, but how often does that happen and how lucky would you have to be.

Feel free to take any and all of my run on sentances as questions, this ended up being ranty.

--

I don't think it's entirely luck, but yes, making discord not be like what you describe does require a very particular kind of group and management.

The biggest thing I've seen, historically, in platform changes is that the people who make spaces or who are the sparkly, obvious people other people trail behind are fine. They go make a new place.

But the rest of the population may or may not be able to follow. It's not always exclusion from a private discord or anything. Often, it's more like the LJ-->Tumblr move. A lot of people were left behind because it's simply too visual here.

Different formats appeal to different types. I've come to enjoy tumblr, but it was quite unpleasant at first.

One reality of fandom is that there is always social hierarchy. People have asked me "Why do you reblog so-and-so so much???" and the answer is generally two things: 1. that person literally sends me their posts (which requires a certain level of bravery or chutzpah) and/or 2. I know them (from cons, from LJ in 2005, from them sending me private chat messages a lot, from them being highly visibly active like I am over a long period of time, etc.). The times we think there isn't social hierarchy are when either we are the one in the clique or those invisible ties between other users are not perceptible.

But scratch the surface--by having to move platforms, for example--and all kinds of social connections and fault lines will show.

[kojinnie]

The Impossible Request | Levi Ackerman

Based on the request by a lovely anon here. As always, I apologize for putting a little bit of angst into what was supposed to be a full-on fluff :(

levi ackerman x reader; fluff/angst; 2032 words

Captain Levi Ackerman left you with an impossible request during your last ride to the forest with him.

Throughout the whole journey Levi kept looking at you, throwing worried glances frequently at the strange way you rode your horse through the forest. A moment ago, you were about to ride yourself and your horse to a certain death offered by a cliff by the side of the trail. If it wasn’t for your horse’s trained instinct, you’d be a tragic story of a silly death by now.

Admittedly, your focus was not on the trail of the forest hill, nor was it on the hurdles of vines and fallen branches splayed all over your pathway. Levi had to keep screaming at you to keep you from bringing your horse to an accident. Your focus was somewhere else, a distant place that a soldier must not dwell within too long. The unfamiliarity of this place caught you off-guard and as evident by the harrowing way you ride the horse, it has come to ensnare you.

As the thickness of the forest started to dissipate to an open field that overlooked the castle where Survey Corps was stationed at, Levi abruptly changed his direction and stopped your way. Your horse squealed in shock and reared up in effect, almost throwing you to the ground.

The Captain immediately jumped off the horse and darted a piercing stare at you, “Get off. Now.” The way he commanded you sent a shiver down your spine, that tone – his battlefield sternness returned, something far different than the somewhat casual Levi that you have grown to be close with during your off-duty season in the castle with him and the Corps.

It was a scarce occurrence to hear him used that tone far from the warfare. You knew he was enraged. You whimpered almost inaudibly, trying to calm your own racing heartbeat as well as to calm your horse down by patting her cheek, before climbing off of her. The Captain immediately yanked your arms and brought you to the side, under the aid of a huge willow tree whose leaves were yellowing with the arrival of Autumn.

The anger was palpable on his pale face, “Are you—” he was immediately dismayed by the surprising hike in his own tone, something that was almost unprecedented of him. The captain knew that he couldn’t let his rage overcome him. He sighed out of annoyance as he came to maintain his composure, “Are you trying to kill yourself?”

“I’m sorry, Captain.”

“You were riding like you’ve got a stick up your ass.”

“I know. Sorry—I—”

“If you want to die, then just tell me. Hange can use you up for experiments.”

“Captain, I—”

There was a momentary silence looming over the two of you. Levi waited for your response but he scoffed and walked away to the edge of the hill when another second passed with your inability to bring any form of coherence in your words. Your heart sunk in disappointment.

Levi squatted and looked afar to the castle. You could see his torso heaved; it was obvious that he was trying to pace his breath from the suppressed anger. You couldn’t bring yourself to admit of what made you so distraught. The idea that a mere emotional disappointment had led you, a trained soldier, to almost kill yourself for not being able to ride your horse right, is of something preposterous. You were ashamed and girded by guilt. As a soldier, you had let emotion distraught your aptitude.

“Tell me or don’t tell me – whatever,” Levi finally broke the silence without looking at you. Your only view of him was his heaving back, “I already knew.”

You knew of it already, but his reiteration shriveled the last hope you had that the Deployment Letter you received this morning was still bound to change, “You can’t do anything to change it?”

“No. I’m a soldier, and it’s my duty to obey,” Levi spoke. You wished you could feel even the tiniest bit of an upset in his words, but there was little to none, “you have been asked for the Garrison. Effective tomorrow. You shall no longer be here when Eren Jaeger arrives. Erwin’s decision, signed by Commander Pyxis.”

It had been three years since you were assigned to the elite Levi Squad by his own choice. Within those years as well, you had seen yourself grown seasoned by the battles alongside your entrusted Captain, as you fought the mouth of deaths countless times together. Naturally, parting apart alive would be hard for you.

People of the Walls knew him as the humanity’s strongest soldier, would they gape in knowing that humanity’s hope needed to stay humane in order to be their beacon of strength? And that was your duty for him – keeping him humane. Even if it was just to learn his meticulous way of brewing his own tea, so when he was injured and bed-ridden, he would still be aided with the warmth of his favorite drink. Even if it was just helping him tying his cravat when his hand was occupied with paper works. Even if it’s just a sleepless night with him at the library as he learned the offense strategy for the upcoming expedition. You’d done all that with no words spoken of how fond you were of him. Even when your smile arose when he finally let you massaged his strained back, or when your fingers touched the bare skin on his back when you were tending his battle scars, you were adamant to let the feelings simmer in painful silence.

In keeping him humane, you must set aside what you want of him. Your childish imagination and desire to settle with him. After all, Levi was a man unbounded, and in certain liberty shall he thrive for humanity. So, you never spoke how much your heart fluttered when he rode in full-speed to save you from the monstrous titan holding you in their grasp. The way he stayed awake, sitting by your bedside all night after a near-death incident that left you barely conscious for a week. You had sworn to bring this truth to death, but you were conscious when, out of desperation, he ran his calloused fingers through the mess of your hair, stroking your temple soft with the coarseness of his fingers as he whispered in prayer, “Please stay alive, please stay alive…” and then Levi spoke of your name, calling out to what was left of you after a bloody expedition. He called for you, not in the stern command the Captain would utter in the battlefield, but with tenderness of a man bound by grievance.

Had you grown a space in your heart to love me? Was the question that hung in your throat when you finally gained consciousness after the injury, where Petra shrieked in relief and happiness, calling out for the others, and then she said, “Welcome back. We miss you terribly. The Captain has been gaunt without you.”

The question throbbed again with simple little things he did. When he shoved more mashed potato to your empty plate, “Eat more,” he would say with more of a grunt rather than a warm suggestion; The tender pat on the back when you successfully cleared your final task; The palpable look of agitation when you returned from an impromptu hunting trip with Eld in the forest that led him wary of your whereabout for two nights – in all those moments, you wished you had the courage to ask him the question: Had you grown a space in your heart to love me? Or were you just being a good leader to your comrades?

The sun was beginning to set on the horizon. The wind breezed through the forest, blowing the yellowed leaves off of its branches, drenching the two of you in the solemn noise of Autumn. Couple of hours ago, Levi had taken you to ride to the forest to collect firewood for supplies, but even then you knew that wasn’t what you rode here for. Levi sat on the dirty ground and sighed, “Come here.” He looked at you, and softly pat the ground by his side.

Levi knew that he assumed a great deal of obligation. He wasn’t daft, he’d grown aware of the murmurs that people left on his path, ‘Look, it’s the humanity’s strongest soldier – Captain Levi Ackerman!’ then when he wasn’t so well-guarded, he’d catch the way those children look up to him with earnest amazement. Those wondrous eyes. The innocence of faultless children is the thing he had sworn to protect when he braced another expedition beyond the wall, at the expense of everything that made him humane – delicacy, tenderness, warmth, and love. But then Levi met you, and since then he began to wonder: ‘What if? What if? What if?’

Levi knew the feeling he had grown to have for you was starting to cloud his judgment when he almost broke the formation to save you from the mouth of a titan. He remembered the awful feeling of riding back to the camp, with your bloodied form on his lap, to be greeted by the discerning look of disappointment from his own comrades. Later that night, as much as the expedition was a success with minimum casualty, Erwin sat him down and bludgeoned him with the fact that negated every virtue Levi had ever stood for, “You compromised the whole formation with your rash action.”

Compromised. Rash action.

The words that had brought Levi to a prolonged regret. Who he was with you, was not the person Levi devoted his heart for. Levi knew he needed to stop. His allegiance was to humanity, to Commander Erwin Smith – and not to you.

As you sat down by his side, he finally looked at you, and smiled. So scarce of the captain, but when he did, you could feel it was genuine.

“I am going to ask you a question,” Levi said, his grey eyes darkened underneath the warm dusk, “and you don’t have to answer it right now.”

You nodded obediently.

“Do you think all this will end? To live in constant fear of death, and,” there was a momentary pause in his sentence. Uncharacteristic of him, as if he was trying to fight his own fright that was starting to nestle deep in his mind, “have ourselves carrying the last bits of humanity’s hope?”

You remained silent as he carried on, “If no, then understand that your re-assignment is a necessity. For the greater good. But if yes, that you believe that this monstrosity will all end eventually, then, I hope…”

“Yes, Captain?”

Levi looked down at the soil where your hands and his were laying side by side. There was a somber smile beginning to rise from his face. He dragged his finger to tangle with yours rather cautiously. You greeted the awkward gesture with open heart, as you slithered your fingers into his grip.

“I hope, you will have the heart to welcome me home…”

“…to you.”

The words drowned you into a deafening silence, no matter that the Autumn breeze was starting to grow stronger as the sun succumbed into the night, no matter that your heart was thumping in all kinds of inexplicable agony – all you could hear was the void of nothingness, in which no matter how close you were to him, you could feel Levi drifting away from you.

Deep down, you knew that none of this walking nightmare they called life was ever going to end. You knew that each one of you was cursed to live the life in wretched reality. You always thought that he had known of it all along, out of so many people, you thought Levi would be the one to never look forward to a future of peace, for peace was an absurd concept as long as humanity was still trapped within the Walls.

And it broke your heart to gain understanding that Levi still had hopes for it. For the unattainable peace. With you.

He had believed in a future that you thought was impossible, and with it you realized that so would be your future with him.

As the sun finally slid to its resting peace, you brought your body closer to his embrace. He brought your face closer to him, he smiled before landing a kiss on your forehead. The genuine kind, of innocence that was so strange in the world of horrors. The kind of warmth he had longed for so many nights with the thought of you. And finally, you smiled at his words, “Yes, I will.” nodding at the impossible request.

[white-collar-lawmen-and-conmen]

Pulse Point

A/N: Requested by anonymous. Warning for canon-typical violence; minor character death, nightmares, and post-traumatic stress. Also: borrowed Dr. Sweets from the show Bones.

Summary: A near-death experience leaves you with recurrent nightmares. Neal offers some comfort.

Word Count: 5,154

The steady beeping of hospital equipment was driving you insane. It had been hours now of nothing except the monotonous noise of your own heartbeat. If it didn’t shut up soon, you would claw your ears off. With a stiff body and an ache that penetrated down to your bones, you forced your body upright and pinched open the pulse monitor on your right hand.

You let out a relieved sigh as the equipment went silent and dropped yourself back onto the well-padded pillows behind you. The pulse monitor clattered to the floor on its long white cord and you settled down for a nap. The ache in your bones made you feel heavy, like lead. There was nothing quite like a well-deserved nap.

In mere seconds after you had closed your eyes, the equipment started acting up again, this time blaring one long, constant shriek. The surprise made your heart skip a beat, but your eyelids were too heavy to look and see what had happened. Then your heart kept skipping, and your throat tightened. You couldn’t breathe. Your chest burned. It wasn’t a heartbeat; it was a flatline.

You were dying.

The leaden feeling in your body doubled. Your muscles didn’t respond to trying to move and you couldn’t force your lungs to take in a breath. Footsteps pounded around you, incoherent shouts going in one ear and out the other. You were desperate for your paralyzed eyes to open. Was this what you’d have for the rest of your life? Nothing but darkness and unintelligible, mind-numbing noise, punctuated by electrical humming and the pain of a vice clamping itself again to your finger?

The flatline paused for a second. Your ears rang and you thought, for a moment, that you were safe, your heart was beating again. Instead, your stomach twisted and you realized you were losing feeling in your toes. No blood. No life. When the screech of your flatline came back again, it was louder, more piercing. The shrillness reminded you of screaming.

As soon as you remembered it, it was there – the same screaming as before, somewhere in your room, echoing from every corner. In the next pause of the flatline, it turned into a hoarse shriek and a plea. “No! Please!”

You couldn’t hear anything underneath it, no more overlapping voices, and your panic increased. Where were the doctors? Did they think you were gone? Help me!

Your eyes opened with a sudden snap, the droning of your alarm clock replacing the flatlining of the monitor.

As you stared at your ceiling, you panted for breath. Rationally, you knew, you had probably never stopped breathing, but in the panic of your nightmare, it felt like you’d been smothered. Terror powered your desperate gasps and convinced you that your feet and hands were numb, even as you could feel that one foot was poking out from the end of your blanket. After a long moment, you dared to move your arm, ready to scream if you weren’t dreaming after all and still couldn’t move. You turned your alarm off easily.

Soft rain pattered against the glass windows, creating shiny-looking streaks as droplets collected and streamed down the side of the building. It was much more soothing than the silence that usually reigned in Dr. Sweets’ office when he was waiting for you to talk. Maybe he should invest in one of those noise machines with rain as an option. You thought about making the suggestion, but knowing him, he would probably call you out on the procrastination, or deflection, or whatever else he wanted to call it.

You broke the silence. “I’m certain I can wait you out for the next…” You checked the clock. “Twenty-seven minutes.”

Dr. Sweets raised his eyebrows, still leaning his head on a closed fist, propped on the arm of his chair. “I’m equally certain I can recommend you remain on desk duty for the next…” He pretended to check his watch. “Twenty-seven weeks.”

You scowled.

Psychological clearance was a bureau mandate after something traumatic occurred during the course of the job. You’d been lucky enough not to need it up to this point, but after… that, you hadn’t been given a choice. Dr. Sweets was a highly qualified psychotherapist, and you were sure that he did amazing things to help a lot of people, but so far you felt neither amazed nor helped.

“Agent L/N, you went through something incredibly harrowing that you were very close to not walking away from.” The psychologist finally took his head off his fist and put his arm down in his lap. At least he’d taken the bait and you weren’t the one starting the discussion. “You were a half-inch or couple minutes from bleeding out.” He pinched his fingers to demonstrate as if you didn’t have a scar on your body that distance from your femoral artery. You’d never be able to forget what half an inch looked like.

“But I did walk away, and the person who did that to me is in prison for the rest of his life.” You crossed your legs, trying to look more comfortable than you felt. You weren’t sure how effective you were going to be at convincing a therapist that you didn’t need therapy, but it was worth the try.

He looked utterly unconvinced. Actually, the jerk looked like he knew exactly what you were trying for and thought it was cute that you thought you could trick him. “Justice, or even retribution, which it feels like you’re leaning towards, doesn’t erase a wrongdoing or its associated harm.”

“I didn’t erase it, I healed from it. I took medical leave, now I’m back.”

“Physically, you healed. It takes a lot longer to heal mentally from those kinds of wounds.”

“Does it?” You challenged.

“I think your nightmares speak for themselves,” Dr. Sweets said pointedly.

You glared at him, at a loss for a quick comeback. You knew you didn’t look like a million bucks, but you hadn’t thought it was that obvious you were losing sleep. If he knew, then the coworkers who spent a lot of time with you must know, too. Especially Neal – nothing got past him. Oh, that was embarrassing.

The nightmares had been recurring for weeks now. They had started once you had a return date to the office, but after actually resuming your work, they had increased in frequency and intensity. They weren’t identical, but they did all share some similarities: some fatal injury had you dying, alone, in the dark, like you almost had in real life. You never got to the point of actually dying in your dreams, you didn’t think, but you were just fine with that. They were bad enough as they were. Yes, they were a sign of trauma and anxiety. But if your mind didn’t heal itself from weeks safe at home, then you knew returning to normal as fast as possible was probably your best bet at getting over what had happened.

“I’m not your enemy here,” the therapist said to you more gently. You couldn’t say he was heartless, even if you didn’t enjoy the half-hour sessions where he tried to talk about your feelings whether you wanted to or not. “My goal is the same as yours. I want you back at work, safely, able to sleep through a night so you don’t jeopardize yourself or the people around you.”

You let out a deep sigh. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me about the affect this has had on you.” Dr. Sweets encouraged, not for the first time. “You’ve accepted what happened. I can see that. But the next step is processing what it means for you, as an agent, as a person… maybe both.”

You felt helpless. What was that supposed to mean? You couldn’t very well tell him you were terrified your job was going to actually get you killed or cost more lives on your watch. When your employer paid your therapist’s bills, you couldn’t fully trust doctor-patient confidentiality. Maybe it was just paranoia, but you couldn’t bring yourself to risk it.

“I can’t sleep,” you admitted. Your tone sounded mournful. In a way, you were mourning for a time when you could sleep through the night and enjoy your days at work. It wasn’t like white-collar crime was your passion, but you did like puzzles, and you did like being around the people you worked with, especially a certain blue-eyed felon. “I keep having nightmares that I’m… injured, and I’m alone.”

“Your wire was jammed and your team didn’t hear you signal for backup.” Dr. Sweets talked slowly, patient and pragmatic as he validated your nightly anxieties. “You expected help, but they didn’t know to come.”

“They did come,” you said with a shrug. “It just… almost wasn’t in time. I know it wasn’t their fault.”

Your words about time felt glued into your ears. Yours had come really close to running out. And for what? Insurance fraud? No amount of money justified murder, and you likewise couldn’t put a price tag on a life. So why were you so eager to leap back into the same job that almost cost you yours?

It was something you had been mulling over since it happened. Your job was dangerous. You had always known that. You’d been shot at, been near explosives… your partner had been abducted by a murderer not that long ago, and your best friend had had guns in his face so often that, honestly, you’d lost count a while ago. Somehow it just hadn’t clicked, you supposed, that you could legitimately die. You were protected by the bureau and your body armor, until that wasn’t enough. Other agents had learned that lesson in a much harder way; being confronted with that was hard to simply get over.

Apparently, your use of the word “fault” led Dr. Sweets to talk to you about guilt and anger around the incident. You didn’t blame your partner or feel angry, except at the man who shot you, but you let him continue around your noncommittal, half-assed answers. You knew he at least suspected you were putting him on again, but you also knew you hadn’t given him much to work with. Then again, he didn’t call you on your bullshit replies, either, so you weren’t quite sure what he thought.

While Dr. Sweets had yet to approve you for field duty, there was still plenty to do at your desk. You pretended not to notice the itch in your legs to go somewhere while you kept yourself busy, preparing documents, performing research, helping delegate and manage case files, and topping off your team’s coffee whenever they got low. You had become even more of a desk jockey than Neal; at least he got to go out with Peter when given the green light. You missed outings with your partner, or really with any other agent.

Comparing yourself to a caged tiger was likely on the dramatic side, so you put it out of your mind and refused to feel sorry for yourself. You understood the protocols and the routines and they were for your benefit as much as the bureau’s. Besides, your team wasn’t treating you like you were fragile or demoted. They leaned on you to help just as much as they ever did, the assignment of duties just went a little differently.

You doodled a cat on your notepad during a meeting. Everyone had great ideas and you tossed in some ways you could contribute when you’d been quiet for a while. Peter’s proposed field op was going to go smoothly. Odds were high that any hiccups could be taken care of by Diana’s swift running of interference. Neal was raring to go and Jones was a little too excited to play the part of an intimidating brute, in your opinion, and Peter was appropriately apprehensive (someone ought to be, after what had happened to you).

“Let’s sleep on it,” Peter decided after looking out the window and seeing how low the sun had sunk. “If we’re all still in agreement in the morning, we’ll set the ball in motion.”

Jones graciously commented, “Good idea. We can all think on it.” He was probably the most cautious of all of you.

“Y/N?” Neal asked. You immediately looked up from your (admittedly lopsided) cat drawing. The forger was still in his chair, even while the others were pulling on their coats and blazers. “You’ve been quiet. Do you have any concerns?”

You shook your head, but not too quickly that it raised suspicion. You could get away with doodling – Peter often turned a blind eye to it; after several years, he’d developed a soft spot for you – but only if you were still paying attention and participating, so you didn’t want to give him a reason to suspect you weren’t.

Peter, Diana, and Jones all said their goodbyes. The two younger agents left the room, but Peter lingered at the doorway.

“Neal, do you want a ride?” He offered.

Neal looked from you to Peter, and then shook his head. “Thanks, but I’ll find my way. You don’t want to be late for roast,” he added when Peter looked unconvinced. After glancing at you, your partner decided that he really didn’t want to be late for roast and left without another look over his shoulder.

Now that you were alone, Neal softened his expression. “Seriously, Y/N, what’s going on?”

“I told you, I’m not worried. We’ve thought of just about everything we can predict.” You said with a straight face, pretending not to know that Neal wasn’t just talking about this specific case anymore.

He wasn’t having it. “Don’t lie to a conman, Y/N,” he chided you with a small, fond smile. “Come on. It’s not just today, you’ve been quiet ever since you came back. It’s not like you.” You raised an eyebrow and pursed your lips, uninterested in talking. Neal reached partway across the table for you but stopped there. It was an invitation but not a command. “I’m worried about you.”

The thing about your history with Neal was that it was a close one. You went from strangers when Peter got him out of Sing Sing to best friends within the span of two years. You trusted him more than you trusted just about anyone, and there hadn’t been a time when one of you needed the other and was turned away. He didn’t come to you when he was upset – seeking out reassurance and comfort was not Neal’s strength, because it involved professing vulnerability – but he never turned you away when you came to offer it, either. Now it seemed to be his turn to do the offering, as he had realized over the last few weeks that you weren’t going to ask.

You reached for his hand and silently sighed in relief at how solid and warm it was to the touch, so unlike the few dreams where you screamed and cried for someone to help and found yourself grasping at tricks that weren’t there. Neal turned his hand to hold yours and gave it a squeeze.

“It’s been so hard, Neal,” you told him reluctantly. “I have no idea how you do it. How you just walk away from all the close calls.”

Neal frowned a little. “I don’t just walk away,” he objected. “I have bad nights. I have bad days. Sometimes I have a whole bad week, or a few bad months.” You knew the latter was a reference to losing Kate, and you sympathetically gripped his hand tighter. “But, you know… there’s always something I can find to focus on instead, and after a while, the things go in the past. I let go.”

That advice was entirely unhelpful. “I’ve been trying to let go,” you said sourly. It wasn’t directed at him, exactly, but moreso at your brain, which was failing in its task of moving past what happened. “It’s not working. I can’t sleep. Sometimes I don’t think I can breathe.”

“It’s not easy,” Neal agreed, stroking the back of your hand with his thumb. It was an intimately affectionate gesture that comforted and eased the nerves beginning to bubble in your stomach. “Company helps. The reminder that I have backup, even when it doesn’t come right away. I’ve got Peter, Moz. You.��� He met your eyes with a small smile and raised your hand to his lips, gently kissing your knuckles.

“Company?” You echoed uncertainly. If you were unconscious, how was company going to make a difference to what you dreamed about? Then you remembered what you had said to Dr. Sweets about your nightmares always ending with being alone. If you knew, on some level, that you weren’t alone, maybe you would feel safer. “Like, overnight?”

His expression didn’t change to give away whether you were right or wrong. Instead, he just asked, evenly, “Is that what you need?” The way he looked at you then, without judgment in his eyes, but with determination in the set of his jaw, you just knew that whatever you said you needed, Neal would move a mountain to give it to you.

“I’m not sure, but… maybe?” You hesitantly guessed. If it worked, it would be worth the awkwardness. Even just one night of solid sleep would do wonders for how you felt, and it wasn’t like it would be the first time you had stayed with Neal overnight. Long marathons on slow weekends, and the less pleasant nights after Kate’s death, meant he kept an extra toothbrush and a set of your pajamas in his penthouse.

“Okay,” he said right away with nothing but quiet matter-of-factness. It was so comforting to be proven right that you could rely on him to help you with what you needed. His tone just said, you need this, so we’re doing it, full-stop. You just hoped you were right, both so you could finally go eight hours without fearing for your life and so you weren’t inconveniencing him for no reason. “Let’s get dinner on the way. We don’t have to talk about it,” he quickly said, seeing your face. “Whatever you need.”

Everyone should have a friend like Neal, but everyone should find their own, because this one was all yours. If it weren’t for the table in the way, you would’ve launched yourself at him in a tight hug. As it was, you settled for a squeeze of his hand and a grin as wide as you could muster. “Dinner sounds great.”

The stickiness of your pants along your thigh made your hands shake, unable to bring yourself to look at your palms. You knew what you would see all over them. The fire lancing up your thigh told you what you already knew. So did the weakness in your body and the fog in your mind. It was done. The hourglass on the desk was trickling through the last of its sand. Moretti was nowhere to be seen. You couldn’t even die in the presence of a murderer.

There was screaming coming from another room. It was the desperate wail of another agent begging for their life. “No! Please!”

“No,” you mumbled, using all of your energy to turn your head to the doorway. He couldn’t… not now that you were down… you couldn’t even raise your voice to cry for help. You were completely helpless. You couldn’t save him.

Your chest burned with the effort of your heart, ironically helping you to bleed out faster. Your breaths came labored, and then they couldn’t come at all as your vision faded. The dark carpet blurred from a mass of pilled fibers into a solid navy sea. The pain in your leg was excruciating, it was all you could feel; the idea of feeling peace ever again slipping away.

Screaming. Banging. Footsteps. More screaming. Pounding. Shouting. It was all indistinguishable, a mess of men’s voices and loud gunshots. Then, you heard it. Just your name, barely audible above the rest, in a voice that made you strain to see past the blackness.

“Y/N!”

You’d give the rest of your precious seconds away just to see him one last time, just to know he was beside you and you weren’t alone.

“Y/N!”

Footsteps came closer and the pressure on your chest intensified. The blood loss made you dizzy and your body shook.

“Y/N!”

You jolted awake, eyes snapping open in time to see Neal leaning out of the way just in time to avoid your hand flying at his face. You processed slowly that his hands were on your shoulders – had he shaken you? – and it was still dark. You could barely see his face, but his figure was lit from behind by the lamp next to his bed. You could tell from his messy hair that he had been sleeping not long ago, and you felt awful for waking him up.

After cursing, you sat up and gripped the warm blanket on your lap tightly. “I’m sorry,” you said remorsefully, feeling like a fool. Not only hadn’t you been able to sleep through the night, but now you’d ruined his rest, too. You cussed again. “I really hoped being close… just not being at my apartment, alone…”

It had felt like a safe bet off to a good start. You had gotten dinner together near Gramercy Park, then watched a lighthearted movie before turning in for bed. Neal offered to let you take his mattress, but you didn’t want to put him out and you had slept over enough that he didn’t feel like a bad host for letting you insist on the sofa. You’d been out by ten, but now you could guess it had been less than four hours. Your heart was still racing, your leg still tense with an imagined pain.

“It’s okay,” Neal said, sounding unsettled. He kept his hands on your shoulders like he was keeping you grounded on the earth. “Don’t worry about it. It’s okay.”

Neal’s eyes must have already adjusted to the low light, because his aim was spot-on when he lifted a hand from your shoulder to cup your neck instead. His profile ducked and you felt his lips land on your forehead, checking your temperature, signalling forgiveness, and administering reassurance all at once. He rubbed his thumb across your jaw as he stood up straight, releasing you, and walked away around the couch.

You put your legs down in front of you and rubbed your face, exhausted mentally and physically. Helplessness made you want to cry. Time wasn’t healing. Sleeping pills just made it harder to wake up, letting the nightmares ravage your psyche for longer. Not even the proximity of someone you trusted and adored was enough to let go of the past.

The light in the kitchen came on, bright enough to illuminate the studio but far enough away not to be blinding. Neal came back to the couch holding a bottle of water and offered it to you before sitting down. He looked so adorable, still sleepy and with a bit of pink in the side of his face from sleeping with his arm under his pillow. You scolded yourself for even thinking about how cute he was when you were the one who had woken him up.

You sipped at the water. It was so nice and smooth on your throat. You felt fine, now that you were awake, but the vividness of your nightmares always left you feeling parched and you always expected swallowing to hurt as if you had strep. Neal leaned into the back of the couch and put his arm up along the cushions. You capped the water, bent your knees to pull your feet back up onto the furniture, and let yourself lean into his side. Neal dropped his arm softly on your shoulders, holding you in a tender sideways hug.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized again after a couple of minutes. You felt much better, much faster than you usually did, thanks to him, and if you were being fully honest, you were not ready for him to get up and go back to bed, but it wasn’t fair to ask him to stay up cuddling you at god-knows-what-time just because you were a wreck.

“I told you, it’s okay,” Neal said, his voice firm. If you apologized again, you figured he would start scolding you for it, so you let it go.

“I just – I should’ve expected this,” you said with frustration, feeling like you were confessing to knowingly bothering him. “I haven’t been able to sleep well in ages. I keep having these nightmares, I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

Neal was quiet for a few seconds, making sure you had said all you were inclined to. Then, knowingly, he asked, “This is about the Moretti case, isn’t it?”

“I can’t let it go,” you said with a whimper. “It won’t leave me alone. Every night, it’s a little bit different, but at its core it’s always the same.”

Neal’s voice cutting through the fog of your nightmare had been a saving grace, giving you peace even in your unconscious, but now that you were awake, you realized with clarity that his voice saying your name wasn’t the only voice you could make out. In fact, you always heard the same thing, every night, no matter what else changed.

“What’s the same, Y/N?” Neal asked you, trying to help. He stroked your upper arm with his open hand. You were already shaking your head. Neal could comfort you all he liked, but he couldn’t bring back the dead. In grief and shame, you turned your head and bent your neck to bury your face in his shoulder. Neal tilted his head so his cheek was resting gently on your hair. “Tell me, darling,” he coaxed in a whisper.

You felt like someone’s hands were wrapped around your throat, strangling your reply. “Agent Flynn,” you answered dryly, barely more than mouthing his name. “In every nightmare, I hear… I hear his last words. Begging Moretti not to take the shot.”

Neal was quiet for a long time, but never pushed you away. He held you closer when you started to shake, crying against him as quietly as you could manage. The artist rubbed your arm and periodically kissed your head, but he knew that there was nothing he could say to erase the horror of what you had heard or take away the guilt that you had survived because Moretti was distracted by taking out the other agent.

Moretti was part of a family gang, often in conflict with the Barellis, who, interestingly, paid a little deference to the white-collar division ever since you and Peter had recovered a stolen Book of Hours. The Morettis had no such connection or gratitude, so their response to the FBI sticking their nose into an embezzling scam was violent and bloody. Moretti shot you in the leg and intended to finish you off, but one of his own men had reported you came with someone. He left you to bleed out, and only a few rooms over, you had heard Flynn’s pleas – and the subsequent gunshot. Your team, wising up to the dead signal, arrived for a takedown before Moretti could make his way back to you, but it was too late for your teammate.

Neal shifted after what felt like forever, only to pull you closer to his chest and wrap both arms around you. You trembled in his embrace, but that just made him hold you closer, like you were delicate and breakable. When he next talked, his low voice was quivering, just like your body.

“I thought we lost you,” he said, cupping the back of your head in a gentle hand. He massaged his fingers into your scalp, even as he kept you cuddled in his lap. “I thought I lost you, Y/N. Two gunshots. I thought…” He struggled to find his words and you hiccuped, trying to stop crying. “I was the one who found you, and I was so scared I was too late.”

You sniffled and uncrossed your arms to melt against his chest and hug him tightly around his waist instead. “I didn’t know you…”

“We found him first, but you weren’t there and I needed to find you.” Neal now sounded equal parts frightened and furious. “If he had taken you away, I would’ve…” He shook his head and pressed his forehead to yours, as desperate to be close to you as you felt to be close to him. “I would’ve shattered. I can’t lose you, Y/N. I just can’t lose you, too.”

“I’m so glad I didn’t die,” you blurted, almost in a sob. You felt so safe with him, but now you knew for a fact that your own safety wasn’t what had been tormenting you. It was a nearly debilitating case of survivor’s guilt. “I just wish I hadn’t been the only one who survived.”

“No one wants that,” Neal promised you, untangling his hand from your hair and stroking it down instead. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could fix this and take it away, but all I can do is be here and hold you and tell you it’s going to be alright. It wasn’t your fault.”

You sniffed. Neal’s words were more of a comfort than you had thought they would be. They changed nothing about the situation, but… you weren’t alone. You hadn’t been alone since you met him. You just agonized that Flynn had been. “Neal, I can’t lose you, either. I love you, you’re… you’re who I’m going to heal for.” You had to find a way.

Neal seized your lips with his in a searing kiss. It wasn’t as sexy or patient as you may have imagined, but you gripped his shirt and gave as good as you got, and wow, the man gave verygood. It was a desperate kiss, needing to bring you together and reaffirm your life. To you, it was the seal of a promise that you wouldn’t let the past crush your spirit. When you could sleep through the night and had a handle on your post-traumatic stress… if he would just be patient, you would be his the way you wanted him to be yours.

He released you to breathe, eyes opening wide as if he only just realized what he had done. Before he could pull away, you pressed your forehead to his again, urging him to stay close. Your breaths mingled between you and you were sure you could feel his heart beating through his chest.

“I love you, too,” he said once he had caught his breath.

[clefairymuke]

regrets | chapter fifteen

prev. chapter | next chapter

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

themes: enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst, fluff, smut

tw: violence / explicit sexual content

word count: 1663

Monotonous.

That was the best word you could come up with to describe the past week. The days lulled on without change as you unfortunately pined after Levi, who still seemed to pay you no mind -- but today would be different. You had formed a hypothesis. It was lofty, optimistic guesswork with no actual backing, but it was a hypothesis nonetheless. If  you placed the right kind of pressure on Levi, then he would admit exactly what you wanted to hear. Your sadness about the situation, as melancholy typically does, had turned to spiteful anger; you needed to prove him wrong. Even if it amounted to nothing, even if you were left with sadness yet again.

"You want me to what?" Jean asked you in a whisper, face drawn up in disgust. You laughed at him before retraining your eyes on the back of Levi's head. His hair had been cut recently. It looked nice.

"Come on, Jean. It won't be that bad. It's just for a few days at most. I'll hate it just as much as you will. It's a game," you replied just as quietly. Despite his protests, you knew it wouldn't take too much convincing. He cared about you too much to tell you no. You gave him your most sincere puppy-dog eyes, watching the disgust on his face morph to a mix of disappointment and amusement. Score.

"I'll do it," he conceded, laying his forehead in his palm. You knew it wouldn't take much effort. Your plan, albeit a little childish, was what you had deemed a sure-fire experiment to test your hypothesis. Hange would be proud.

Levi, as careless as he may seem, irrefutably had anger as his foremost emotion. He was quick to it, and he wore it well. With such constant anger came many things: a gentle side well-contrasted by the rough exterior that ruled others' perception -- proven true; a likely mix of mood swings and impulsivity -- also relatively evident; and, most importantly, a tendency toward jealousy -- completely unproven but heavily suspected. You relied on that suspicion to make sense of the mixed signals he had given you.

You'd been considering it for days; after a while, you grew weary of being ignored. It beat down on you like a rain shower, leaving you to helplessly question the meanings of fleeting moments within the confines of the infirmary. Being unsure was decidedly the worst part. An explicit yes-or-no answer was annoyingly required to calm your racing mind -- accepting his words at face value was impossible.

You followed the outline of his jaw with your eyes as he spoke to Hange, who was sitting at his side. He always looked so well put together. You fantasized about his hair in disarray and his clothes hanging loose -- how he looked on the morning after the night you spent together. You had long grown past embarrassment; every self-pitying thought soon became validating as the nights in the infirmary consolidated into your definition of Levi. You were sure, entirely, that this newfound attitude towards you was all for show. Otherwise, how could someone so callous become so gentle?

His collected gaze was aimed anywhere that wasn't at you. Jean's stories of certain stolen glances when you weren't looking were enough to assure you that he wasn't as unbothered as he seemed. Sometimes you wished you could catch his eye just to send him a soft smile -- to remind him that the two of you weren't just unreasonably disliked acquaintances. You were almost tired of being mad at him; unfortunately for him, however, you were quick to anger, too.

When you were dismissed to training, you weren't slow to get up. You tossed your tray atop the stack of others and made your way out the door, other scouts surrounding you to form a crowd. Jean put his arm around you when you found yourself outside the door; but, instead of swinging it casually around your shoulders, he slid it snugly around your waist. You watched as he shook his head, eyes rolling so hard you were sure they'd come out of their sockets.

When you looked back, you swore for a moment that you met a pair of narrowed grey eyes.

---

The training exercise was your least favorite of them all: the insufferable wooden-titan practice you'd done a month or so before. You fell in line with the rest of your comrades, your gaze traveling to Levi's stance atop a tree branch. He was leading this exercise, and although it was better for your experiment, it was hard to ignore how hard he had been on you. Slack didn't seem to be in his vocabulary. You wanted to do well.

You all lied in wait for his go-ahead, your hands positioned over the triggers on your gear. It would be your first time using ODM again; luckily, legs weren't really necessary. You looked forward at the back of Bertholdt's head, knowing Jean stood a few feet behind you. Last time you finished -- third? Maybe second? You were confident you could do it again.

You saw Levi travel towards the middle of the group of trees for a better view. "Alright," he called, several yards away. "Go."

It only took a few seconds to realize you were rusty when you fell to the middle of the group. Jean had already passed you, along with Connie and Sasha. Nearly a month out of training had done more damage than you thought. You fought to stay ahead of the curve, your eyes failing you to glance at Levi's disappointed face. You made eye contact for a split second, your chest swelling against your will. A lift of his eyebrow forced your line of sight forward as you narrowly missed a tree branch. He scoffed, loud enough for you to hear him. How embarrassing.

Whether by luck or underestimation, you were surprised that several scouts remained in the exercise when you landed. Levi had moved towards the edge of the trees now, so you could still see him from your place in the grass. You wondered if he knew, and if he had glanced your way, too. Your plan relied on the fact that he had and would again.

You waltzed to where Jean stood, away from the others and sipping from his canteen. You slid your hand into his, fingers interlocking as he gagged playfully. "Your hands are sweaty," he said, discomfort clear in his tone.

You laughed, squeezing his hand. "Yours just feel greasy. Have you washed them recently?" The two of you continued joking back and forth as your eyes darted over your shoulder at Levi. You told yourself that acting as if you didn't even notice him would be the best way to go; it was difficult, though. You wanted to gauge every reaction as clearly as you could -- that's how experiments work, right?

You caught him staring for the very first time. When you met his eyes, his gaze did not falter. He simply lowered one eyebrow inconspicuously. You looked away as quickly as you could to hide the triumphant grin spreading across your face; he had seen, and he didn't look happy. The experiment, though, was not yet complete. You wanted more.

As the last few scouts landed, you and Jean took a seat, hands still interlocked in the clammiest, most uncomfortable form of physical affection you had experienced to date. To make matters worse, you decided to lay your head snugly in the slope from his neck to his shoulder. Of course, you and Jean were not strangers to physical affection, as most close friends weren't. Nonetheless, the connotation behind the prolonged hand-holding and casually romantic cuddling was uncomfortable at best. You were lucky he couldn't tell you no. Another strike of luck was that everyone was used to seeing the two of you close and comfortable, and it would be difficult to anyone not intently watching to notice a difference; were there any downsides to having a male best friend?

"Is he looking?" you whispered nudging Jean with your shoulder.

"I don't know," he whispered back, "I'm facing the same way as you."

You snorted. "No shit. Just look around. Don't make it obvious."

You felt his head turning, looking both ways out at the scouts that surrounded you. "Okay, yeah. He's looking. He didn't even look away when he saw me. He looks pissed."

You smiled. Your hypothesis was not far from being proven true; you just needed another push. "You're not going to want to do this," you told Jean, trying to hide the mischievous grin overtaking your face.

"I'm not doing it. No way."

"Jean, please!"

"Nope. Not happening."

"It'll only last a second," you said in the most convincing tone you could muster.

"This is a stupid plan," he answered, a sigh of concession building in his lungs. You had won, yet again.

"Just kiss me. Fuck, it's only once."

And so he did. He tasted like the disgusting soup you had eaten for lunch. It lasted only a couple of seconds, but you were subject to the time-slowing force that only came from ecstasy and torture. This time, it was the torture kind. When he pulled away, you forced a grin for show. Through your teeth, you said, "I think that was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Ever."

He laughed, squeezing your hand. "It couldn't have been worse than what just happened to me. Remind me to wash out my mouth with soap later." You looked over your shoulder to see Levi still staring, his jaw set in anger. What could be more satisfying?

When you were all dismissed from the exercise, you were sure to walk slowly as you and Jean swung your conjoined hands back and forth. Surely real couples don't hold hands this long, you thought; this much sweat can't be comfortable. Before you saw him, you heard Levi's voice at your side.

"Get cleaned up and get to my office. I need a word with you."

Had it really been this easy the whole time?

[nyupreservation]

Film Inspection in the Media Preservation Unit by Lindsay Miller

Hello there - my name is Lindsay Miller and I am a second-year graduate student in NYU’s Moving Image Archiving and Preservation (MIAP) program.  This semester I have the privilege of working in the Media Preservation Unit at the Barbara Goldsmith Preservation & Conservation Department, and today I will be telling you more about the work I have been doing inspecting films from collections held by Fales Library.

My first year of the MIAP program was spent entirely online, so I missed out on a lot of hands-on training.  I was born in the latter part of the 1990s and do not have much recollection of older audiovisual formats except audiocassette tapes and VHS.  All of my previous film production experiences were also entirely done digitally, so analog film always felt just outside of my comfort zone.  I had never even been inside a projection booth until last summer when I took a tour of Cornell Cinema.  Needless to say, I jumped at the chance to work in the Preservation Department at Bobst Library, as I would finally have this opportunity.  

The author trying to act candid in Cornell Cinema

Let me walk you through a typical film inspection:  I’ve worked with a variety of gauges throughout the semester, but my absolute favorite to work with is 35mm.  Besides the fact that rewinding gives me a great arm workout, 35mm’s size allowed me to get comfortable with some basic tasks like measuring shrinkage before moving on to smaller formats, almost like training wheels.

I begin each new reel with a brief visual inspection.  I’m looking for anything that seems out of the ordinary: mold, dust, debris.  I will also take a look at the reel’s housing and make any notes or annotations that may be on the container.  These notes can sometimes provide clues as to what is on the film and are other times just chicken scratch.  A valuable skill they don’t teach you in film preservation school is how to decipher cursive handwriting!  

If the reel is looking okay, I will then put it on a rewind crank to begin a more in-depth inspection.  This process starts with splicing the leader onto the head of the reel, which is then labeled with its associated metadata.  Then I begin to slowly wind through the film.  There are some rudimentary things to look for with every inspection.  Is this a black and white film or is it color?  Is this a positive image or a negative?  Is there a soundtrack?  Most of the film I have inspected so far has not had a soundtrack, so it’s always fun when an optical soundtrack makes an appearance.

Example of a negative film print Shu Lea Cheang Papers (MSS.381)

A wild optical soundtrack appears!  Alan Sondheim Papers (MSS.267)

Another thing to look for on film is an edge code.  This is a special code printed on the edge of a film that can be used to figure out when the film was manufactured and by whom.  Sometimes the answer to this will be obvious; Kodak is pretty in-your-face with its film stock and has a well-documented key that is used to decipher each symbol.  Other times there is no edge code and it is up to other clues, such as a film’s housing, to determine these factors.

Kodak film manufactured in 1971 Alan Sondheim Papers (MSS.267)

During this process, I am also keeping track of any splices I may notice and will also repair them as needed.  Splicing film is something that I have grown to love, even when I am working with Super8, which can be tricky to work with.  It takes a steady hand and some patience to get it right but there is nothing more satisfying than repairing a bad tape splice.  

Now that’s a bad splice! 35mm film

Once I finish winding through a film, I attach a leader to the tail end and wind it onto a new core.  Winding film is another skill that takes practice, even though it may seem simple.  It is important to keep a constant speed so that tension is evenly distributed throughout and the pack remains smooth.  If a film has not been properly wound and strands stick out, it is more likely to warp or become damaged down the road.  And like I said, winding 35mm is a workout!  I’m always sweating by the end.  

35mm rewind I was particularly proud of…so smooth!  

My favorite part of working in the Media Preservation Unit has been discovering what’s contained within each collection.  Every day brings about new discoveries and I love learning more about the folks behind the work.  Inspecting films has also been a welcome escape from the stresses of everyday life.  I love being able to sit and focus on a reel for an hour or two.  Each presents its own unique challenges and it’s been a gratifying experience working with my supervisors to tackle each.