#well i guess this is as good an answer as any

[glamourscat]

Could you please write Bruce and batboys getting jealous when they meet their crush's ex boyfriend? Her ex is as rich as Bruce, handsome and a total green flag. But they broke up in a friendly term. Upon meeting him they got jealous seeing reader and her ex are still super close. Thank you ❤️

Batboys + Bruce and their jealousy while meeting your ex

Author's Note: I decided to do a mix of a headcanon and a drabble for this one, I think it fits the vibes of the request. i hope you like it :) This is also so damn long but i am a yapper at heart

DICK GRAYSON

I see Dick as a very confident individual. I mean, he is self aware, he is beautiful, rich and overall a good guy. A catch right? (let's ignore the cheating for a moment...)

Though, Dick grew up in a rather unstable situation, to say the least. I see him as a person who craves his s/o attention on him, not necessarely 24/7, but enough to remind him "hey, I am here and I love you"

Still, when he does get jealous ━━ for example in this scenario where you're his crush and he is meeting your ex, who's as equally as handsome as him, not that he would admit to it. Rich as Bruce and a green flag on top of that?━━ damn, he is cooked lol.

His jealousy will probably stem from insecurity. Because, if this guy is rich, beautiful and a green flag too, what does Dick have to offer now? If they are on the same level, or worse, your ex is slightly higher than him ━━ truly, what cards are left for him to play?

And so, I think he would feel insecure for a moment and thats where being overly into PDA comes into place. MORE UNDER THE CUT

"You’re awfully close today. I mean, it’s not like I’m complaining, but… are you sure you're alright, Dick?" you say with a small, soft chuckle as you look at the black-haired guy who just linked his arm with yours.

"Yeah… yeah, of course! Why wouldn’t I be?" he says, offering a smile that’s a bit too tight, a bit too forced for your liking. It’s not like you're a fool; you know exactly what the problem is. You saw the way he reacted when, walking casually through Gotham, you two happened to run into your ex by pure coincidence.

His eye twitched slightly, and his gaze was darting back and forth between you and your ex. You noticed the way his arm tightened around your waist, as if to say, Back off. If you had any doubts about whether he liked you before, now you have your answer.

JASON TODD

When I think of Jay, I imagine a healed version of him. I know people like to imagine him as this broken soul, and I’m not saying he isn’t; he has his fair share of trauma. But I like to think that from coming back as Red Hood to now, the present Jason Todd, he is a changed man.

He’s no longer the insecure, abrasive teen who swore nothing but vengeance and payback for what happened to him. He has accepted what happened; that doesn’t mean he forgot, nor does this mean he forgives Bruce. It just means he has the emotional capacity to be more confident in his own being.

So, how would he react upon meeting his crush’s ex? Well, chances are, if you’re Jason’s crush, you two are friends. He’s good at many things, but flirting, romance, and putting himself out there are not some of those. By being close friends, he is probably already aware of some aspects of your past, including your ex.

Thus, when he meets your ex, he is probably as nonchalant as ever. Does he feel a bit jealous? Maybe. Will those insecurities that have haunted and stained his past try to resurface, making him second-guess himself? Also yes. But he has grown enough to know he’s better than that.

"Jay?" Your voice is soft as feathers as you look at him. His green-blue eyes are focused on browsing the books on the shelves in front of you two, as silence fills the air in the small bookshop where you two had, by chance, met your ex just moments prior.

"Hm?" he hums, not taking his eyes off the books, but keeping an eye on you with his peripheral vision.

"Are you okay? You're awfully quiet. Did I say something wrong, or…?" You trail off, but he cuts you off.

"Nope, nothing's wrong. I'm just looking for a book," he says, moving to the romance section. "You like this?" His voice is quiet, yet it holds a softness to it as he shows you a book he damn well knows is your favorite.

"I mean, yeah. It’s my favorite. Why?" Your tone is slightly confused, just as quiet as his.

He shrugs as he places the book in the small hand basket he’s holding. "Nothing. Just thought I’d buy it. I trust you and your opinion. If you say it’s good, then it is."

He knows that in that moment, not giving in, not allowing those negative emotions to resurface as they did in the past, was the best choice he could’ve made if it meant seeing your smile—so timid yet flustered—with those rosy cheeks of yours, as you try to hide your giddiness from his words.

TIM DRAKE

Ah, my favorite little gremlin. The issue I have with Tim is not with Tim himself, but with the fandom that constantly mischaracterizes him.

I’m not even going to get into the coffee addict recurring joke, but I want to focus on one thing. "Precious bean Tim". This guy is absolutely unhinged. Dick, Jason, and Damian all had their moments, but Tim? His whole being is centered around being a sarcastic, witty little shit who does the most unhinged things, and somehow, people always give him a pass. (I mean... do we need to talk about his red robin run? Or when he was dating two people at once? Or when it's canon that at first impression people feel judged by him?)

My point is, Tim is literally out of his mind lol. He struggles a lot with his emotions, we see this in his Red Robin run, how obsessive he became over the idea of finding Bruce, someone he cares for. He was spiraling bad.

His jealousy manifests in possessiveness. Mine, mine, mine. Let's not forget that Tim lost his mother, watched his father die too. He is messed up emotionally, because everything that was his has always been taken from him one way or another. First his parents, then robin mantle by Damian and even his best friend (or lover) Kon at somepoint.

"You're pouting."

"No, I am not." He says, while comically enough, pouting more. It had been about 30 minutes, give or take, since you two came back from the movie theatre. Where you and Tim had to sit through an almost 2 hours long movie with your ex as the main lead.

Was he pissed? no, no, no... why would he be? Absolutely no. Him? Tim Drake? Jealous? Pff. Definitely wasn't. And yet, he kept pressing each key of his keyboard so hard, as he typed, that you feared it might come flying at his face very soon.

"If you're jealous you can just say so you know." You say with a half amused grin. If he wanted to act like a brat, might as well enjoy it. "I mean, who wouldn't be right? My ex is after all, rich, handsome, a great ac-" your words are cut off as his face he is pretty much pressed against yours.

When the hell did he come on the bed? He was sitting at his desk just a moment ago...

"Shut up" he scoffs as his cold nose nudges yours, his hand goes to the back of your head pulling you in for a kiss. and what a kiss. His lips, slightly chapped and cold, meet yours with such ferocity you're left stunned. His body has yours pressed on his bed, as he straddles your lap. Your tongues meet as he lets out a quiet little moan as your hands go in his soft raven hair.

"fuck- i am sorry" he pants gulping, cheeks red and eyes wide, as he pulls back after a few moments in a panic. what the fuck had he just done?

"You shut up now." you say with a little grin, equally as breathless as him, as you bring back your lips against his. Losing each other in a kiss that would be just the beginning of a beautiful imperfect thing.

BRUCE WAYNE

Now, Bruce was hard to crack, for me at least. Because, I think depending on the person, the situation and how he is feeling at the current moment, he can be like any of his sons.

His jealousy is not driven by insecurity or possessiveness in the conventional sense, like Dick’s or Tim's would. Not necesseraily.

I mean, we are talking about a man with his fair share of lovers

I think his jealousy would stem from his deep emotional connections and the high stakes involved in his relationships. Sure, Tim, Dick and Jason are all vigilantes too, but Bruce is the Batman. he cannot afford, he does not have the luxury, of dating who he wants just because. It's either flings or a deep emotional connection with him.

We see him getting jealous with Selina, for example, when he feels his emotional connection getting threatened by other men she is flirting with. His jealousy is so damn complex and subtle and sometimes it shows up as in actions and decision making rather than extensive show off of jealousy.

That's why I think if he has a crush on a woman (or man), his attidute will depend on the situation they find themselves in. He might become overall more vigilant, assertive or distant base on how the event will play out.

© GLAMOURSCAT (all rights reserved. do not share, modify, translate and re-upload my work outside of tumblr)

[novvabee]

could you do one where there’s a girl who is really good, like REALLY good at divination and stuff, and meets the mauraders

hi love! this is so cute, it is a tad bit different from your ask but, here it is ❤️ i hope it fits your vision

She's Divine

Summary: poly!marauders x divination loving reader cw: swearing like once, predetermined poly relationship word count: 1.8k

“Y/N!” you heard Sirius sing throughout the common room. You were cozied up in one of the corners with a book you’ve been dying to read on the works and uses of prophecies. You finally had a moment of time, and now it was being interrupted, great.

“Yes Sirius,” you sighed, closing your book and looking up at him from where he stood. He smiled down at you and you knew you were going to be pulled into whatever scheme he was planning.

He batted his eyes down at you, smiling sweetly as he asked “Would you do me a small, well, bigger than small favor?”

“What kind of favor?” you asked, narrowing your eyes in suspicion. 

“Well, remember that assignment that was due last week? The one for divination?” he recalled.

“Yes?” you say, becoming annoyed.

“Well…” He trailed off.

“You didn’t do it?” you guessed, it would be just like Sirius to ask you to do his homework, even a week later.

He cocked his head and smiled. “How did you know? You must be psychic or something.”

You rolled your eyes in answer. Of course you didn’t want to help him with this. It was on a topic you learned last week, palmistry, and you had already moved on to dream interpretations. 

“Oh come on,” he grovelled, “you know I’m shit at divination, and you’re the top of the class. Just think about it as if you’re tutoring me.”

You rolled your eyes yet again, your book will just have to wait until later. “Fine,” you said, “sit.”

He sat in the armchair next to yours, throwing off his bag full of textbooks. He looked at you intently, on his best behavior as not to piss you off and tell him to do the assignment himself.

“Ok,” you started, “give me your hand.”

He obeyed your command and gave you his right hand. You took it in both of yours, pulling him closer to get a better view. You twisted it around to get the perfect lighting and make sure you didn’t miss any marks.

“Ok well, these little marks are ‘witch marks’ indicating that magic runs through your bloodlines but… that’s obvious, almost everyone in this school has them. However, you have quite a lot of them, meaning you come from a long line of magic.”

He nodded along seeming interested in what you had to say.

“Then this one here,” you said pointing to a deep line slashing through the bottom of his hand, “this one is the lifeline, it is pretty average, meaning you will live to a normal age but, it’s split. This probably means that your life will change in a drastic way.” you explained.

Sirius was listening, but he wasn’t listening. He was just staring at you, smiling. His hands were warm, soft. You were beginning to feel his stare.

“Do you want me to keep going?” you asked, not knowing if he was really listening to what you were saying, not taking any of it in. He was definitely not going to do well on this project.

“Yes please!” He said, dreamily. “I could listen to you talk all day.”

You giggled, squeezing his hand in between yours. “Is this just another way of flirting or do you really need help with this assignment?” you asked with a grin.

“Why can’t it be both?” he replied.

You shook your head but continued on reading his palm. “This one is the heart line. It stops right before your middle finger, which means you have difficulty expressing your emotions to those you love. It feathers out quite a bit, I think this may mean you’ll have many lovers in your life.” you said jokingly. This was obvious to you of course, Sirius shared his love three ways already between you, James and Remus.

“Lucky me,” he muttered, smirking over at you and winking.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“Hello sunshine.” you heard from beside you. Your attention snapped up to James making his way up to where you were sat under a shady oak tree in the gardens of the castle. It was a lovely day and you decided to take full advantage of the rare sunny weather. You were still on the book about the works and uses of prophecies, not finding the time to finish it.

“Hello James,” you said, smiling up at the tall, bespeckled figure. “What can I help you with?”

“Nothing at all!,” he answered. “Actually, I saw something in Hogsmeade and thought you would like it.”

“A present?” you asked, pretending to be shocked. In reality, it was very much like James to grab something for you while out in the town. He did it fairly often, always bringing you back candies or trinkets.

He chuckled and said “Close your eyes.”

You listened to him, shutting your eyes and holding out your hands for him to set the present in. You felt something hard and cold placed in your cupped hands. You didn’t peek until you heard him say you could look.

You opened your eyes to see a small amethyst tower laying on its side. You gasped and looked up at James. “Thank you!” you exclaimed. “I need to put one under my pillow! I’ve been sleeping awful lately.” you explained.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” he said, sitting down next to you under the tree, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. He traced his fingers along your upper arm in a sweet and comforting way. “Bad dreams?”

“Sorta.” you answered, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Well, what are they about? Sometimes it’s good to talk about them and analyze them.” he explained.

You looked at him sideways “Yes James, I too take divination.” you answered him sarcastically.

“Exactly! You should know that better than anyone else!” he chuckled.

“Fine, fine,” you laughed. “They're mostly about interplanetary rivalries, you know, Venus and Jupiter. And all the placements growing closer to conjunction, causing all sorts of chaos and interesting events here on Earth. Do you know what I’m talking about?”

He blinked at you. “No idea. I know about half of the words you just said.”

You laughed and shoved him gently. “Well that was no help, Potter.”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

You were finally settling down, opening your book to the chapter you had left off on. You didn’t make it two seconds before you felt a presence beside you. You thought you would be safe in the library, you thought wrong.

You turned to see Remus setting up some parchment and his quill. He smiled at you and continued. You thought that maybe he would be engrossed in his work and maybe leave you to your reading. You were wrong.

“Hey Y/N, you have a moment?” he leaned over and whispered.

You shut your book yet again, looking over to him to continue.

“You read runes right?” he asked, still quiet as not to disturb the studying students around you both.

You nodded. “Yeah, I got an Outstanding in my OWLS.”

His face lit up as he said, “Great, well, I was wondering if you would be willing to tudor some students in my study group. There’s a few kids taking rune reading for the first time and they said they needed some help, so I wanted to ask the expert.” You suspected he was laying on the compliments to make you say yes to tutoring some younger years.

You laughed off his flattery, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “Well, I am no expert, not yet at least,” you said, “But I can help any way I can.”

He sighed in relief. “Thank you so much, Y/N. I really will owe you.”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

When you agreed to help tutor for Remus, you didn’t expect two of the pupils to be both James and Sirius. They sat there, textbooks open and puzzled looks smeared across their faces. You didn’t mind terribly, they were your boyfriends after all, perhaps they would thank you with more presents and sweets. 

You figured Remus roped you into tutoring them because he did not have the patience for teaching both boys with the shortest attention span in probably the while school..

You helped them with a few assignments that they couldn’t quite grasp. Both boys struggled with rune reading, tarot card reading, and naval chart reading. You did your best to help walk them through it, but after about an hour, you could tell they were becoming frustrated with it all.

“But I’m a Scorpio,” Sirius said, “I was born in November.”

“I know that Sirius, but that is your sun sign.” you tried to explain. “There are many more signs. For example, your moon sign which is in Taurus.” 

“Ugh, this is stupid!” Sirius said, frustrated and tired.

“Honestly, divination is pretty much useless nowadays, it’s not even reliable, there is no proof it’s real.” James chimed in.

You were taken back by their comments. “Just because you two don’t automatically excel in it, doesn’t mean that it is stupid or useless.” you said, hurt that they felt that way about something you were very passionate about, something you loved and were good at, something you wanted to make into a career. You knew that a lot of people didn’t take divination seriously, that it was considered somewhat of an old wives tale. But you didn’t think that the boys, the people you thought cared about you the most, would think your passions were so miniscule and not as important as their own. 

“W-we didn’t mean it like that,” James said, starting to back peddle. “We just mean, we’re not good at it so…”

“So you think it’s stupid?” you ask.

“No!” James says, becoming pink in the face, not enjoying the outcome of this conversation at all.

“Don't listen to them,” you heard Remus say, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into his side, seeing that you were hurt and wanting to comfort you a little. “They’re just upset that they have to finally work hard at a form of magic.”

It’s true, James and Sirius both were incredible wizards, it came easy to them. You often thought that they were just made of magic, that they didn’t ever have to try in any of their classes. 

“I might not be able to transfigure a barrel into a slipper on my first try, but you definitely couldn’t explain the difference between quartz and tigers eye and their respective uses.” you say to them.

“That’s why we want your help, Y/N. You know this doesn’t come easy to us. And to you, you're just so in tune with it, it’s like you have this rare, secret talent for it.” Sirius says. You’re still offended, but the compliments were helping.

“We don’t know how you do it, honestly.” Added James.

“Fine… I’ll still help you,” you said, they smiled apologetically at you. “But you have to do all my history of magic papers for the rest of the month.”

Sirius groaned but agreed, saying that it wouldn’t be too hard, just take a lot of time.

“Ok fine, but you have to teach us ovomancy and capnomancy too.” James bargained.

“Deal,” you said happily, excited to share your knowledge with the boys.

[aayakashii]

Finally managed to finish this fic 🧘🏻‍♀️ this one is for the members of Haku Gfs Club™️ @ghoulspaw @kusanagihaku and @pinkaditty

I just gave it a read so it's not properly edited – I apologize if there are too many mistakes in it ;-; I'm not super satisfied with this one, but I hope you guys like it <3 Also, it's a standalone, so there will be no continuation!

The title comes from a Florence+ The Machine song, Addicted to Love.

might as well face it

You never really knew why Haku didn't frequent Rui's bar. And honestly, you never thought of asking either. Among the thousands of secrets every ghoul always kept from you, that one seemed innocuous enough for you to ignore.

So, when Rui called you at 3am on a weekday, you would never guess he would ask you to escort Haku back to Hotarubi.

“Sorry, doll, you're the only one I can ask to help me with this.” Rui's voice sounded sincerely apologetic. “There's no one else here in the bar, I promised Lyca I'd help him with his homework – and you know how he gets when he's expecting something – and Subaru isn't answering his phone.”

You shrugged, as you changed out of your pajamas.

“I mean, it IS late at night and he’s way more responsible than us. But what happened to him?”

“Oh, you know.” You imagined Rui waving his hand dismissively. “Hakucchi can't hold his liquor very well. He's wasted.”

You pursed your lips, trying hard not to laugh. The thought of the most nonchalant and aloof man you knew tripping on his own feet amused you more than it probably should.

“And why can't he stay in one of the rooms like Haru does sometimes?”

Rui sighed loudly.

“He's adamant on going back to Hotarubi. I'm trying to keep him here for a little longer because I'm worried about him just crashing and sleeping in the middle of Obscuary's woods. Who knows, he could legit die on his way back.”

It was your turn to sigh loudly. A dull headache was slowly forming in the back of your head.

“Okay… I'm going.” You grumbled as you made your way outside of your dorm and into the chilly night. “He's lucky I wasn't asleep yet.”

“Thank you, cutie, I owe you one and Haku will owe you his life~” Rui made a sharp kissing sound on his end of the line, quickly hanging up before you could have any change of heart.

And after a hurried walk towards Obscuary and sincere apologies from Rui, you ended up trudging through the campus with a very much inebriated, heavy, limp-bodied Haku leaning on your shoulder – his sultry voice murmuring nonsensical things in your ear as you suppressed a shiver from going down your spine.

His breath smelled like one of Rui's sweet, sparkly drinks – the ones you drank when you didn't want to wake up the next day with a mean hangover.

Haku really was extremely lightweight, it seemed.

“You smell so good” Haku murmured, nuzzling your head as he leaned all his weight onto your body, feet dragging clumsily on the ground.

Not only were you struggling not to trip and fall headfirst onto the asphalt, bringing a grown man down with you; said grown man made the task all the more difficult as he kept on shamelessly flirting with you.

“Haku, please, can't you help me a little bit here? Try to walk a bit too, come on.” You grunted, pushing him away from you, only to have him throw his arms around your shoulders once more.

“But it feels so good like this.” He murmured way too close to your ear and you gritted your teeth, shutting your eyes tightly in order to keep your thoughts from going to places you really didn't want to visit.

Haku's breathy, silky voice had always been your worst and weakest point. Sometimes you wondered if he knew it, consciously or not. If he did, it would definitely explain how he always sounded just a little bit more husky, just a little bit more sultry whenever you two were alone.

“I can't carry you properly like this, though?! Look, we're already at Hotarubi. Try to walk just a little bit longer, please?” You huffed and puffed, the exertion and the warmth of his body overpowering the cold night and causing you to break a sweat.

“Hmm…” he hummed before rubbing his cheek against your hair, then sighed. “Okay… but just because it's you who's asking.”

Haku straightened his back as much as he could, slinging just one arm around your shoulder, and stumbled inside his dorm. You finally managed to breathe properly, relieved of all the dead weight he had been putting on your shoulder.

Still, you navigated through Hotarubi's slippery corridors quite poorly as Haku's head hung low and he blinked slowly, fading in and out of a drunken sleep while you dragged him to his room.

Once inside, you watched with an amused and exasperated look as Haku stumbled towards his futon, letting himself fall heavily onto it, face down, with a loud groan of someone who subconsciously knew he'd very much regret his choice to drink afterwards.

You wiped the sweat off of your forehead while you walked towards him.

“Sit up just a little bit. You can't sleep with your uniform like this.”

He shuffled on his bed, slowly propping himself on his elbows.

“Trying to get me out of my clothes, are you, Honor Student? How bold you are. Thought you'd ask me out for dinner first.” He murmured with a smirk and half-lidded eyes.

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose and pushing all of your confusing emotions away. You would not deal with your feelings right then and there. Not when Haku was so obviously out of his mind.

“You can't sleep with your blazer otherwise you'll wrinkle it. Unless you're a Frostheim bourgeois who has a whole collection of these expensive ass blazers. If not, you need to take it off.” you said, exasperated. You held out your hand, motioning for him to give you his clothes.

He raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly, as if you had said something incredibly wise. You very much knew how expensive those blazers were after seeing how careful Kaito was with his. You wouldn’t let Haku just ruin his uniform.

He clumsily took off his blazer and handed it to you.

“You know, rumor has it that I might have been, in fact, a Frostheim bourgeois.”

You were trying so very hard not to notice the scent of sandalwood that clung in his blazer as you hung it on a nearby chair, that you almost didn't pay attention to the little gem of information he seemed to be offering to you. Almost.

“Well... Were you?” you asked with one eyebrow raised.

He grinned mischievously, putting a finger on his lips and shushing loudly. You rolled your eyes at his drunken antics as you scooted closer to help him out of his vest and tie.

“Sit properly so I can help you out of this vest and necktie.”

He pouted, rolling his head back. The sharp pops of his neck made him grimace.

“I think… That you’re enjoying undressing me.” he smirked as his head hung to the side. “You can always do this, you know, you just have to ask.”

You fidgeted in your position and pressed the heels of your hands on your eyes. You rubbed your face, trying hard to erase the tingling feeling on your cheeks and ignore his unabashed flirting.

‘He’s drunk. He’s just fucking drunk’ you chanted in your mind and took a deep breath.

“I’m just trying to help you not ruin the most expensive parts of your uniform, you dumbass.” you muttered, avoiding eye contact.

Haku threw his head to the other side, placing a hand over his heart as if you had just physically hurt him.

“Oh, how cold, Honor Student.” he sighed, head still limp as if he couldn’t hold it upright, but began to shuffle in place as he sat properly on his futon.

You held your breath while you opened his vest as fast as you possibly could, ignoring the heaviness of his gaze. He blinked lazily, eyes scanning your face and your hands as you fiddled with his buttons and then moved to loosen his tie.

You tried not to notice how he licked his lips when you pushed the vest out of his shoulders, but the gooseflesh that pricked your skin was proof that you failed.

“Hey.” He called out to you, voice hoarse and low - the type of voice you had always imagined he would have during early mornings, right after waking up, when his golden eyes would still be glossy with sleepiness.

You shook your head, pushing the thought away, and got up to place his vest and tie on the chair, right on top of his blazer.

“Yes?” you asked, straightening imaginary wrinkles on his clothes only to avoid his eyes.

Haku paused for a moment, as if waiting for you to turn around to look at him. When you didn’t, he took a deep breath and leaned back on his elbows once again.

“I'm so in love with you.” He murmured with a lazy smile on his face and his eyes closed, as if he had just told you the most obvious thing in the world.

You closed your eyes as your breath hitched and your hands curled into fists, gripping the fabric of his uniform tightly and undoing all your efforts of keeping it pristine and straightened.

Despite yourself, you felt a giddiness bubble inside your stomach. You wondered how many nights you’ve spent imagining scenarios in which he would say that exact thing.

Scenarios in which you actually deserved him saying such things while sober and not an overly-affectionate drunk.

You were quiet when you kneeled besides his feet to untie his laces and take off his shoes and socks.

“You hear? I'm in love with you.” He repeated as he nudged you with his knee, opening his eyes for a moment to check if you were actually paying attention. You gritted your teeth, jaw visibly flexing.

“Huh. Is that so.” You answered, bitter and cold, but your dismissal seemed to have gone over his head as he closed his eyes and sighed with a dreamy look on his face.

“Yeah. I love you. So much.”

You shot up to your feet, as if his words shocked you like an electric current, and walked towards his desk to grab his water bottle. You placed it right beside him with a heavy, tired sigh. You really didn't need that at that moment.

“Do you have paracetamol so you can take it if you need it during the morning?”

Haku furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, nose scrunching in a way that he never did while sober. You cursed yourself for thinking he looked adorable.

“Aren't you gonna say anything?” He asked.

“About?”

“I love you.”

You closed your eyes, trying to ignore the leaps of your heart whenever he said those words.

“You're drunk, Haku.” You breathed out, looking at him with exasperation in your voice.

“And…?”

“You're spewing nonsense.” You muttered, dusting yourself off only to avoid his gaze and to keep your hands occupied. “Go to sleep and you'll feel better tomorrow.”

“You don't believe me?” Haku widened his eyes, a tinge of hurt audible in his honeyed voice.

“The alcohol is making you say things you don't mean. Go to sleep.”

“You don't believe me.” Hurt quickly changed to incredulity.

“Good night, Haku. If you need anything, you can send me a message.”

“No, wa-wait.”

Haku quickly tried to get on his feet, but the dizziness still clouded his movements and he ended up tripping, falling on his knees. You gasped and kneeled beside him, eyes trained on his knees that had hit the tatami floor with an uncomfortable thud.

“Are you okay?” You asked, hand hovering over his back.

Haku slowly turned his head towards you. His golden slitted eyes glinted with something you couldn't quite understand.

“Why don't you believe me?” He murmured.

You opened your mouth, then closed it – no words made their way out of your lips.

God fucking dammit.

How could you even begin to explain to him all the reasons why you couldn't believe in him – but mostly how you couldn't believe in yourself – no matter how much you wanted to?

“Do you think I would lie about something like that?” He narrowed his eyes, looking at you as if you had broken his heart.

“I don't.” You found your voice after long, uncomfortable seconds. “I just think you're letting the alcohol make you believe things that aren't true.”

He shook his head vigorously and you couldn't help but think that it probably made his dizziness a lot worse.

“I wouldn't let some alcohol make me confess my love for anyone else.” he grasped your hand with a lot more force than you were expecting him to have. You tried to pull it away, but his grip was that of steel.

“Please… go to sleep.” you felt your throat tightening and a pressure behind your eyes.

“I've thought of you every single moment of my days ever since I saw you. You don't get to dictate how I feel just because you don't feel the same way as I do.” his brows furrowed again, sudden aggravation taking up his features.

You almost gasped. Haku never got angry at you, not even when you were a lot to handle, nor when you made his life a bit harder. What an irony it was that the first time would be while he was confessing.

“That's not what this is about.” you shook your head.

“Then what is it?”

You felt your bottom lip quiver slightly. You quickly bit it hard, in order to keep your emotions at bay, ducking your hand down and shutting your eyes tightly.

You briefly regretted taking Rui's call. Opening the can of worms that was your feelings for Haku was probably one of the last things you wanted to do late at night, in the middle of the week. You had spent too much time closing that can very tightly, vacuum sealing it and stashing it in the depths of your mind, only to have all your effort ruined in mere minutes.

Haku placed his other hand on your cheek, gently tilting your head back up. You kept your eyes shut.

“It's okay if you don't love me.” He murmured, the same tinge of sorrowful acceptance in his voice as the one you usually heard when he talked about his family. “It won't change how I feel. I just want to know from your mouth.”

“Haku…” your eyelids fluttered.

“Just say you don't like me. Look me in the eyes and say it. And I promise I'll leave you be.”

You opened your eyes, meeting his gaze. His pupils were blown out and you could barely make out the golden ring of his irises. He looked at you with an adoration that could genuinely make you sick.

“I can't.” you whispered and leaned into his touch.

“Then-”

“I can't just doom you, Haku. I can't take you down with me. You can find someone better, someone who deserves you. Someone who isn't cursed.” you blurted out, the words flowing freely from your lips now that the dam had been broken.

“Don't say that.”

“But it's true. I would… I would love to let you love me.” At that, his eyes opened wide and you could almost see hope forming deep inside them. “But I can't, in good conscience.”

Haku leaned in, resting his forehead against yours.

“Why?”

“It would be selfish of me. What if I die from my curse? You'd be hurt.” You gulped, shaking your head and backing away from him. “And worse, what if I hurt you if I become a monster?”

His hand, still gripping yours tightly, pulled you back close to him. His eyes were wide, wild, searching yours.

“And why would any of this matter?”

You blinked, confused.

“What?”

Haku scoffed, as if you were being absolutely stupid. As if you were the drunk one.

“I already love you. I don't need your permission to feel my feelings. Even if you kept me at arm's length, it wouldn't change how I feel.”

You were quiet as he grabbed your other hand and held both of them tightly against his chest. You could feel the loud and fast thump of his heart against your skin.

“And if you let me, we can look for a solution together. Worst case scenario, we'd be together for less time than I wished for. But any time with you would already be perfect.” He rested his forehead against yours once again. “Even if it was just a second.”

God. Zenji was right when he said Haku was a charmer. Your breath hitched in your throat.

“I wouldn't say this kind of thing to just anyone, though. Not sober, nor drunk. I can only say it to you.” he added, finally.

Your shuddering breath was the only sound between the two of you as you allowed his words to sink into your brain.

Deep down, you knew your hesitancy was never because of his drunken state, although it still kept you on your toes. As much as you were aware that your fears were the main source of your insecurity, a small part of you was still terribly afraid of him forgetting it all in the morning.

You felt his breath get heavier and deeper for a few seconds before Haku hurriedly shuffled onto his feet and stumbled fast towards the balcony of his room, which hovered just a few inches over Hotarubi's lake. You winced when you heard the muffled sounds of him throwing up.

After a few minutes, he dragged his feet back to his room, looking ashamed and terribly disheveled.

“Are you okay?” You asked, handing him his water bottle.

“I'm sorry.” He said, voice raspy after the strain. He took long, big gulps of water before sighing loudly.

“It's okay.” You chuckled, leading him towards his futon. “Go lie down and sleep. Please?”

Haku eyed you with utter indignation.

“We will continue our conversation tomorrow.” he stated, seriously, but finally relenting to your request. You nodded, sighing.

“Yes, yes, we will. Now go lie down, okay?” You pushed him gently, helping him as he tried to get on top of his bed.

“And I will repeat every word I said to you in the morning when I'm completely sober just so you can't say I'm lying.” He continued while you fluffed his pillow and helped him get under his covers.

“Even if I have a huge headache and feel like shit, I will repeat everything.” He muttered, eyes quickly getting heavy as you finished tucking him neatly into his bed.

You couldn't help but smile as his eyes so quickly grew heavy with sleep, while still mumbling incoherent things.

“Good night, Haku” you whispered.

Between long, heavy blinks, he turned his head towards you.

“I love you.” He whispered one last time, before finally letting sleep wash over his body.

Your heart twisted inside your chest – a mix of fear, apprehension and excitement bubbling in your chest and your stomach, that could make you scream. Instead, you watched as his breathing got deep and even, before gently pushing his hair away from his forehead.

You leaned in, placing a faint kiss on his forehead, inhaling the comforting scent of incense that followed him wherever he went.

Against his skin, you confessed.

“I love you too.”

[v-arbellanaris]

veilguard, to me, is what happens when you place all of the systemic issues in your worldbuilding on the shoulders of one single individual. because guess what? these issues will never get resolved - killing loghain didnt magically solve slavery, killing meredith and orsino did not magically resolve mage/templar issues, killing corypheus did not bring about any real change, because they were never the fucking issue. they were ALWAYS products of their systems, a product of thousands of years of sociopolitical histories and constructs that have made them the persons that they are.

with dragon age in particular, there are SO MANY really important stories rooted in representations of systemic oppression, of deep religious conflicts, of racism and classism and colonialism... but the writing room itself has little diversity that reflects that. so you have people are writing about issues they've never really experienced, and there are no voices of anyone who might be able to give any kind of insight. and it shows bc their writing is always noticeably stronger when it comes to queer stories (again, with glaring flaws, but it's important to note!!) compared to their stories related to being. well. any other kind of minority - religious or ethnic.

their solution to the quantum, their solution to the "problematic" writing around different factions - like the qunari, like the dalish, like the mages - is to essentially stamp out anything that previously existed without discussing it in any detail (HOW DID THEY LEAVE OUT THE MAGE-TEMPLAR WAR WHEN DISCUSSING THE DAIRSMUID ANNULMENT? THE CODEX ENTRY YOU GET ABOUT IT ISN'T EVEN ABOUT THE DAIRSMUID CIRCLE ANNULMENT?!) and then just gaslighting you into going 'well thats just not true' or 'no THIS is how it is', or to replace it with EVEN WORSE racist caricatures, like in the case of the antaam.

bioware has shown that they CANNOT write follow up on the story they've put down - they're not capable of it. they don't have answers to the big questions they've posed in the story around ideas of social justice, of war/peace, of social cohesion vs progression, of legal rights vs morals, etc etc, and i feel like that's deeply linked to the politics of the team that produces dragon age, and to the politics of western, white liberals, which bioware's writing room is populated with.

over the last decade, they've written themselves into a corner. i've described the situation to my friends where i've said bioware has this tendency to write these big structural issues of power and systemic oppression only to then turn around and bottle all these issues down to A Single Bad Apple. people will talk around the situation and factions and their culpability for whatever went wrong but then at the end of the day, they pin the "blame" or responsibility on a singular character - anders, lord seeker lambert, lucius corrin, corypheus, samson, calpernia, hell idk fucking sahrnia's mayor. there's always a single individual person to blame for things going wrong, rather than an entire system that failed - and even the few chances you have to suggest that the system is an issue is met with the most bullheaded, aggressive disapproval, even if your own pc was ostensibly affected by those systems. mark darrah also mentioned the narrative shift, and so i suspect that placing the "blame" for thedas being the way it is at solas' feet, rather than allowing the chantry or orlais or tevinter or literally fucking ANY systems to be held accountable for their actions, reflects their own understanding of "high fantasy", where there's a simplistic black-and-white, good-and-evil, with-us-or-against-us paradigm.

what this inevitably ends up leading to is... what i describe as kishimoto-ing lmao. where you need a Bigger Bad to uproot your Last Big Bad. and as long as you defeat that Big Bad, all your world's troubles will be over... but then they still need to keep making video games, so GASP, the next big bad is responsible for everything that went wrong. BUT WAIT. there's an EVEN BIGGER bad behind that guy. AND ANOTHER BIGGERRRRRR BAD. and so and so forth, until you get to a situation like kaguya having engineered everything that went on over the last thousand years of ninja history for her own goals, except we've never even heard of her before, and she feels disconnected from the story and it's central themes. which is the case in point with that fucking last secret epilogue slide - a story that apparently is centered around decisions, and regret, and big stories around personal responsibilities we have to try and do the right thing, which is supported by the fact that the REAL antagonist of the game is someone secretly manipulating everyone else to do evil things. MAKE IT MAKE SOME FUCKING SENSE.

it sucks. it really sucks. it's a failure to engage with the themes of your own narrative. bioware put the topics on the table to discuss, and in the last second, simply do not have the courage to actually address it in any way that matters.

most of anyone who worked on any of the previous games is gone - we have new writers who... don't really care about dragon age. i don't think they've played the previous games - they don't seem to recognise characters from the previous installments, don't seem to understand the themes or narratives or characters from previous installments - and that lack of deep, real love for dragon age - which is where my criticism and disappointment comes from, because i wanted this to be more - shows. everything from the endings of the game, to the character dialogue, to the characterisations of reoccurring characters, to the lore drops, to the scrapping of all of the worldstate decisions and the quantum, to the marvel-esque soundtrack and weird companion opening reminiscent of a marvel title slide when opening the game... you can feel it.

and i'm sorry for it. i think we all deserved better than this.

[ssentimentals]

Hello,

Can i request Wonwoo with suggestive prompt 38 & 8 + 10 fluff. I'm sorry already because I’m not sure how to make this request 🥲

Thankyou🩵🩷

hello! only 38 is available right now, so i'm going to go with it, sorry love :( thank you for requesting! 💜 hopefully you will like it!

suggestive prompt: 'since it's you, i'll let it go... just this once, understand?'

wonwoo tilts his head to the side, scrutinizing the scene in front of him with narrowed eyes. there are millions of thoughts in his head, thousands of theories but he silences them all down, preferring to get all answers from you directly. in the end, you always tell him not to overthink so he'll try to do exactly this tonight. cheers erupt at the final music notes and wonwoo claps as well, transfixed at the way another guy shows you off, loudly proclaiming how amazing you are in dancing. wonwoo is aware: he knows how amazing you are and not only in dancing. his eyes trace your shy smile, your beautiful curves as you walk past everyone towards him, shining with joy. it's your moment and he's not going to ruin it with his stupid jealousy and overthinking; wonwoo opens his arms wide and welcomes you in them with a sincere smile, hugging you tight. 'you were amazing out there, my love,' he says and smiles at your giggle.

'thank you!' you lean back, smiling widely. 'it was very unexpected!'

wonwoo agrees: when you two came for drinks to this new bar, the last thing he expected was for a random guy to ask who's good at this certain dance and then for you to join said random guy on a dance floor. he's not an idiot and knows that random guy means nothing to you, but something dark inside him is not happy, it gnaws on his mind and- 'had fun?' he asks, bringing you closer. he kind of hates how someone else made you this happy.

you nod. 'i did!' and because you know him very well, better than he knows himself, you of course notice: 'i guess someone is not happy that i danced with some guy tonight.' wonwoo nods, not seeing any reasons to lie. you sigh, leaning close. 'i hope that this someone also knows that i'm not interested in anyone else.'

oh, reassurance feels like balm on his wound. he knows he has no rights to tell you not to dance with others, but he also knows he can always turn everything into a joke with you to ease the tension: 'since it's you, i'll let it go... just this once, understand?'

you roll your eyes, knowing full well he's joking. 'how kind of you, woo.' you say, slapping him lightly on his chest. 'jealous much?'

'very.' wonwoo admits easily, because it's you and he has nothing to hide. 'want to go home now. you ready?'

you huff, leaning in to give him a sweet kiss. 'ready, my jealous baby. let's go.'

a/n: request your own here! <3 - nini

[silenzahra]

... Hello.

First of all: I'm very sorry about my last post. I really wasn't feeling good at all due to a combination of things and felt that my writing didn't deserve any praise... but I'm doing way better now. I'm slowly reconciling with my writing and finding joy in it again, though I still have to make a decision about posting again in the future or not. I still need some more time to think about that.

Aside from that... I'm now unemployed. I learnt about this the day after posting my latest story, and the news joined my own insecurities and, well... the rest is history. Still, I've had some time to accept it, and I'm trying to see the bright side of it. I now have more time to study as I still have to take a very hard exam in two weeks time (December 14th... I'm dreading that date just as much as I want it to come asap).

So even if this hasn't been easy at all, I'm now doing better and trying to see how I can make the best of the free time this will give me. I'll obviously search for a new job, but for now I'm just gonna focus on my exam, and then perhaps I'll allow myself to take a vacation and just enjoy the Christmas festivities. I feel that I need it, even if I'm not a big fan of Christmas myself.

There's a couple of factors that have helped me go through this hard time and I couldn't be more thankful. Of course, the first one is you: all of you who have reached out in any way just to let me know I'm loved and supported just for who I am, and not for what I write or even if I write at all. I promise I never intended this to happen... I want to continue writing for myself like I've always done, but I don't want it to become a source of anxiety and insecurity. I already have enough of both 😅

My beloved @vulpixfairy1985 @megamagimugi @bberetd and @itsavee4117: thank you so much not only for commenting on my latest post, but also for reaching out through Instagram and being there for me on that site. Thank you for listening to me and allowing me to vent, and for showing me your support every day. I owe you a big one 💖

@aqua-peri and @peaches2217: thank you so much for reaching out privately, and @wahooitsamee @loud-kid2 @smokszyvverstar

@roscolate @eleventhhourfactor @pepperycar @multicolour-ink @elitadream

@kelbreyworshipper @katlyntheartist @stripetkattelalala54 @marioandluigi1983: thank you so much for your kind comments/reblogs on my latest post. To all of you: your words have truly made a difference and made me feel so loved and validated. I hadn't checked this site in two weeks and finding all your beautiful wishes and words of support has really moved me. Thank you so much 💖

As for the second thing that has helped me these past two weeks... I'm sure it's actually quite easy to guess 😊

This game and these brothers have kept my need to fangirl alive and well. It's given me so much. They have given me so much ❤️💚 Whenever I feel ready and have the time, get ready to hear me yap about Brothership because I beat it last night and I have SO MUCH to say.

Still, this doesn't mean I'll be active again. As I mentioned, I have an exam to take in two weeks, so I'll probably be missing most of the time. I won't be checking tags or anything else for now. I'll focus on my exam and the rest will come later. I may reblog some stuff occasionally but that's all you'll see from me until I'm completely free.

I sincerely hope you're all doing fine, and hopefully I can start catching up with everything soon. Feel free to reach out or tag me or whatever, but please don't expect a quick answer.

With that said: thank you again so much. I love you 💖

[ivysprophecy]

please please please

word count; 1644

summary; turning off your phone and shutting out the world isnt the best way to handle your problems but its what you do. and jjs had enough of it.

warnings; i dont think there is any? mentions of anxiety attacks? tagging @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake

divider by @bernardsbendystraws

"well hey there stranger"

i turn from my book to look behind me, seeing the boy id been actively avoiding for the past two days. carrying his surf board.

i shouldve remembered he'd come here to surf. i just wouldn't have guessed this early in the morning.

"hey jayj."

"oh thats all i get? 'hey'? no 'i miss you so much'?" he sets his board in the sand taking a seat next to me on my blanket.

guess im not finishing my book today. "oh my god jj! youre here! ive been dyingggg to talk to you! i cant believe youre really in here in the flesh! there. better?"

"oh dont be like that- cmon mama whatd i do?" i feel bad with the genuine concern on his face.

okay was ghosting him out of nowhere awful of me? probably. i just didnt know what else to do.

after that night at the bonfire i realized that with my feelings for him growing it wasnt a good idea for us to continue our casual... something. it played with both our emotions. it isnt fair to either of us.

especially after his 'i love you'. that really did it in for me.

"you didnt do anything jj. trust. i just... ive been in a funk. needed some me time thats all."

"well... do you still need your 'me time'?" he looked so hopeful. how could i say yes? where jj maybank is concerned ill easily fold every time. "cause you havent answered my texts so i couldn't ask you to surf with me this morning."

"... i dont have my board. but i suppose i can hang out with you for a little while."

"im honored," he smiles laying back on his elbows, "but really. are you good? i like to think i know you pretty well and this whole MIA thing was not normal."

turning to face him more, i sigh, what the fuck am i supposed to say? 'yea im just so in love with you i cant be around you' yea that would go over really well.

"i dont know. just gotta lot of stuff goin on. you dont have to worry though. im good."

"well do ya wanna talk about it?"

"trust me jay you dont wanna hear about my problems. theyre trivial at best."

"what are friends for if not for listening?" he nudges me with his shoulder urging me to talk. i really dont think i can do this. i was not prepared.

"youre not a very good listener," i point out, to which he immediately takes faux offense. jaw dropped and everything.

"oh thats just not true! i can listen!"

i run a hand through my tangled hair in frustration. this cannot be how i tell him. it just cant. i came here to get away from thinking about this and now hes right here in front of me acting so unserious while im spiraling.

"jj i really appreciate how eager you are to help me but its really not necessary. i didnt really prepare myself and its just too much-"

"prepare yourself? mama what the fuck are you talking about? does this have to do with that night after the bonfire? i mean obviously it does who am i kidding you havent talked to me since then. did i do something wrong? was- was it bad?" he leans in closer, lowering his voice thats laced with worry and guilt.

oh my god that is the absolute last thing i expected him to say. shit i really fucked this up. and honestly just not true.

"what? no! no jj you didnt do anything wrong and it was perfect. promise," i try to reassure him but i know deep down hes gonna over think this whole thing if i dont tell him straight up

i may love him but i never said he was the brightest in the bunch.

"okay so whats the problem?"

"the problem is that it was perfect," i cant help but let out a sigh before hiding my face in my hands as the words leave my mouth.

god my heart is racing, im not ready for this conversation. maybe if i pass out i wont have to. yea if he has to call an ambulance then we can avoid this all together. but an ambulance is also like five grand so...

shit.

"... youre mad at me because you had a good time?" his face contorted in a weird fixture of confusion.

"no! no- god youre so dense sometimes!"

"mama i dont have a fucking clue what youre saying! how does that make me stupid??"

i hide my face in my hands again trying to compose myself because what the fuck kind of confession is this?

"jj im avoiding you because ive been developing feelings for you and i cannot in good conscience keep being so casual with you and sleeping with you knowing this and i know that you do not want anything serious so i figured id just make it easier for the both of us and just take myself out of the situation entirely so that nothing bad happens and i cannot stop fucking talking so please for the love of god say something or do something because i feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest and-"

oh my god im getting my book moment. he just kissed me to make me stop talking!!! oh my god hes kissing me.

is this where i kiss him back?

of course i kiss him back!! what the fuck!!? and oh my lord does it feel nice, so so so nice.

the way his tongue presses against mine, the way he cups my jaw and pulls me close to him. it was slow and confident and loving and everything he knows i like. his hands find my hips like muscle memory, pulling our bodies together, eventually having me on his lap. where he takes my hands and places them on his chest so i can feel his chest rise and fall with deep breaths.

“… mama you need to learn to breathe.”

“that’s not funny right now jj. im actively having an anxiety attack, horrible thing to say really."

"what're you so anxious about? i think we're havin' a pretty calm conversation, dont you?"

"i mean yea- but thats not-" he interrupts me while shaking his head with a shrug.

"listen, i get why youre a little nervous to say that, all things considered. but i thought it was pretty obvious i was into you, i just didnt wanna push you because you made your boundaries clear so i just took what i could get."

my eyes bug out of my head in shock. am i the dense one? i mean yea hes a really good kisser and i can feel he cares deeply about me when we do stuff and makes me feel safe and supported but that doesnt mean-

yea im stupid. he all but outright said it. actually he has. thats what started this panic.

"... okay yea- maybe. but you agreed they were a good idea so i figured that meant you wanted them there too. and i dont know- it just kind of got overwhelming and i didnt wanna be one of those girls who expects something huge after sex so... you know what i mean? and truthfully youre not what i expected for me."

"what does that mean?" his face showed a little offense.

"i just mean- ya know. for one i didnt expect to love my best friend. and then on top of that i didnt think id love a guy who was a treasure hunting, or- adrenaline junkie i should say."

he leans back putting some space between us, "is that supposed to be a bad thing?

"no! no jay im not saying this right- i-... youre a fighter and youre adventurous- a lot of things im not. if that makes sense. all im sayin is a few years ago i wouldnt have expected to be here. but i like it here. love it here even," i smile at him teasingly trying to ease his worries. the last thing i need is to say the wrong thing right now.

"so what youre saying is that you love me?"

"youre such an idiot."

'but do ya? because i think you do mama."

i roll my eyes chuckling, "yea. yea i do maybank," i press a small kiss to his cheek leaning back into him.

"does this mean youll let me make you a maybank mama?" his eyebrow was quirked up as he teases his question.

"lets not get ahead of ourselves. how about we take this slow?"

he looks down at my button up shirt i was wearing over my bikini to shield me from the ocean breeze, and i could tell he was debating taking it off of me. giving me that same look he always does.

"slow? mama i dont think we're gonna be too good at that."

"all 'm sayin is we dont have to jump the gun, we both admitted it, doesnt mean we gotta change the way we act or announce it or nothing. we can just enjoy this ourselves ya know?"

"you embarrassed of me mama?"

"not at all baby, just want you all to myself. is that too much to ask for?"

he shakes his head leaning up against me, our faces inches apart, "nah i dont think so. i like the sound of that."

i meet him the rest of the way pressing his lips to mine, smiling into it. pulling him as close as humanly possible. i need him under mind skin, in my blood, you know?

"i do too, so we agree? we'll keep this between us for now?"

"whatever you want mama. yes maam."

[builtbybrokenbells]

Melodic Memories | Track 7: Romeo and Juliet - Dire Straits

In a tattered old box shoved deep down in the corner of an overfilled closet, a lifetimes worth of memories lie dormant at the bottom waiting to be rediscovered.

Masterlist

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 16k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, oral (f!receiving), fingering (f!receiving), dom/sub, touch of breeding kink, possessiveness, briefest mention of a free use kink if you squint, multiple orgasm, simultaneous orgasm, lots of dirty talk, mentions of ownership kink, nipple play, name calling, degradation, praise, sadness, heartbreak, high school breakups, unrequited love, estranged parent/strained parental relationships, angst, anger, bickering, name calling, depression, anxiety, self doubt/self consciousness, swearing, drinking, smoking, flirting, fluff, mentions of hookups/casual sex, sorry if I miss any!

so this is my second time trying to post this (thanks tumblr for deleting it completely 🫶🏻) but I just want to say, thank you to everyone who has been patiently and kindly waiting for this update, and i hope this serves as an apology. my life has kinda blown up in my face as of late and I’ve really been struggling, but im trying very hard to get back to normal. as always, be kind, enjoy, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes! (Extremely lightly edited)

And a special shout-out to @gretavangroupie and @gretavanmoon for always keeping me on track, listening to my ramblings, and for the unwavering support and encouragement 🤍 melodic memories would not be what it is without you 😌

Also another special shoutout to @jakeyt. I’m eternally grateful for you and everything you do for me, and so so lucky to have you in my life 🤍

Jake’s POV

“You sure this will work?” Josh asked, looking across the cab of your dad’s car, one eyebrow raised as he awaited your answer. Swallowing back a permanent lump in your throat, the stark dryness of your tongue seemed to make your nervousness grow even stronger. The claminess of your palms and the steady thud of your heart against your chest made it seem all the more real, and as you digested his question you began to wonder that yourself.

“P-positive.” You felt the word get caught in your teeth, like even the syllables were trying their best to mock you. The whole world felt like that, making you second guess every single thought and action, like nothing was good enough. Before you stepped foot outside, before you climbed into the passenger seat with your heart in your hands and every ounce of love scrawled across your tired face, you were certain. Now, as the wheels whirred on the pavement below and the trees passed you by, you could not say that for fact. “It has to work.” You rephrased your words, feeling a bit more confident as those ones slipped past your lips.

“Okay.” Was all he said, his index finger drumming against the steering wheel. For some reason, that did not bode well with you, making the knots in your stomach tighten to the point of fraying.

“Okay?” At that, he let out a chuckle, his lips stuck in an irritating smile as he gave one singular nod of his head.

“If you’re sure, then so am I.” He reiterated his stance, peeking at you from the very corner of his eye.

“Okay, well—“ you huffed a breath, feeling a slight twang in your chest as you tried to agree with him. Suddenly, you couldn’t keep up the facade anymore, feeling the fears tumble out faster than you could stop them. “What if I’m not sure?” The pitch of your voice, high and airy, seemed to send another laugh shaking his shoulders.

“And why wouldn’t you be sure, Jake?” Josh and his aggravatingly accurate intuition, always knowing when something was wrong and knowing exactly how to pry it out of you.

“I hate you, you know.” You grumbled, your lips dipping down into a frown as you swiped your palms over your jeans. “How did you know?”

“Jesus, brother, I can feel the anxiety all the way over here. You’re not as mysterious as you think—least not to me, anyway.” He said, turning the radio down ever so slightly. “What’s got you second guessing yourself?”

“I just—fuck.” You sighed, your head falling back on the seat as you sucked a sharp breath into your lungs. “It has to work, Josh. It has to. I can’t—I won’t go back to Nashville if she… if we—“

“Alright,” he nodded, cutting off your nervous rambling so you need not suffer any more. He got it, and he didn’t need you to explain it now that he knew for sure that’s what it was about. “Well, it certainly won’t be good for you if you show up at her front door looking like that. Nervous, stuttering, sweating mess.”

“Hey,” you muttered, eyebrows furrowed at his blunt words. He flashed you a soft smile, letting you know it was only a joke.

“You always do this.”

“Do what?”

“This.” He motioned towards you, your entire aura affecting him directly, like he could feel your racing heart and hear your inner voice. “Freak yourself out, panic, like you don’t know her better than anyone in the whole world—aside from me.” He added quickly, making sure that he was involved in the equation. “You know she’ll love it Jake, ‘cause she loves you. Even after everything, that’s still true and you know that.”

“But is it enough?” That question posed a long bout of silence between the two of you. Josh lessened the pressure of his foot on the gas pedal, slowing the car without hitting the brakes. He knew he needed more time to formulate a good answer to your question, but even as the car crawled across the main road of the suburb, he wasn’t sure any response would truly suffice.

“You never know unless you try.” He offered, knowing it did not ease any fear but hesitant about giving you false hope. You gave a solemn nod, understanding that was all he could say. “I mean, Jake, come on. This is sunshine we’re talking about. Just tell her the stuff you need to get off your chest… don’t leave anything unsaid this time. She wants this too, but she’s scared. Help her see it in a different way. She got a job, and that was her biggest concern, wasn’t it?”

“She did.” You hummed, the dryness of your mouth worsening as you saw her house appear in the distance. “I mean, all of this had to happen for a reason, right? It has to mean something more than closure, or moving on, or whatever the fuck…” you rambled, sickened at the idea of the biggest chapter of your life coming to an end. Actually, you weren’t even sure you could survive it.

“I think,” he flicked on the turn signal, slowing so he could pull into her driveway. You tried to ignore the anxious buzz in your ears, your thoughts spiraling and causing you to do the same. “That what the two of you have is a once in a lifetime experience. For that reason alone, I believe that there’s more to this story.”

For once, his ambiguity made you feel better instead of worse, because you agreed with the sentiment. For how strongly both of you felt, it couldn’t just end. There had to be something more for the two of you, together.

Only once the car was parked did he speak again, this time a bit more direct with his words.

“Do you want me to wait here?”

“No.” You shook your head, taking a deep breath to calm yourself. “I’m gonna see this one through.” You continued, knowing in your heart that you did not need a fallback. Even if things did not work in your favor, you wouldn’t be sent away. Not now, not ever. She, no matter what the two of you were, would always accept you with open arms and love you accordingly. This house, her house, would always be home, whether you were a lover, a friend, or even a stranger who knew much more than he should. So long as she lived, you knew you would have a place beside her, even if it was not what you wanted it to be. “I’m gonna get her back, Josh.”

At that, a knowing grin crossed his lips.

That was what he was waiting for.

For you to breathe in the confidence he was pushing in your direction, to listen to the tellings of your heart rather than your head, to understand that you could not let her go again, that you could not accept self destruction and misery when the resolution was within reach.

“You’re gonna get her back, Jake.” He reiterated your point, making sure you knew he felt the same way. “Now go. Don’t wait any longer.” He ushered you out of the car, his toothy smile making you feel like the world was right again.

Looking at him now, about to accomplish your life’s purpose, you finally understood that the reason you put so much faith in Josh boiled down to one, very simple fact: the world had been burning, six whole years spent in the barren pits of hell without a breath of relief in sight, and not for one single second did he ever think of leaving your side. At your lowest of lows, feeling the heartbreak with you and suffering alongside you, he never felt an inkling to ignore it or to give up on you. He tackled every one of your tears and self-doubts with determination, making sure you knew that being alone wasn’t even an option and that all of your fears were misguided. He listened to the same rants and complaints a million times over and never found himself sick of it. Right now, after knowing all of the suffrage and the role he had within it, he was sending you straight into her arms even knowing what the outcome might be and how it would affect him.

He wanted you to be happy, and he would stop at nothing to see it.

The whole world had been burning until that fateful day in Italy, and he held your hand the entire time, opting to burn with you instead of watching you burn alone. Relief did not only touch you when you received that message, but him too.

If Josh, out of everyone in the entire world, believed that the two of you should be together, you owed it to him to try, to show him that his efforts have never gone unnoticed or unappreciated even if by times it seemed so.

“I love you.” You said, fingers clasped around the door handle as you prepared to step outside. “Thank you.”

“I love you.” He replied, his eyes scanning the car to make sure you had everything you needed, always taking care of you without even realizing he was doing it. “I’ll see you at home.” You gave one curt nod, reiterating the statement wordlessly. “You’ve got this, Jake. You’ve been waiting for this for years. We’ve been waiting for this.”

That seemed to be all you needed, and with a smile on your face, you finally stepped out into the warm summer air, a rush of confidence fuelling you as you gave him one last look over your shoulder. Swallowing your fears (and your pride, as it seemed), you straightened the hem of your shirt against your chest, making sure the collar was flipped the right way before advancing any further. Running one hand through your hair, you took the first step towards the front porch, fully expecting lead to weigh you down yet pleasantly surprised at the airiness of your limbs.

This was the right thing to do.

You were making the right decision.

Of course you were; there was no other choice. At the end of the line, she was the only thing that mattered.

Feeling both of your feet firmly stand on the first rickety wooden step, you thought the anxiety might return, but the closer you got to the door, the better you felt. The closer to her, the brighter it seemed.

Your malaise had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with missing her. Knowing that she was nearby, that you would be able to see the sweet smile and the sparkling eyes that turned your entire world upside down, was enough to make any bad feelings or negative thoughts flee you completely. She was home to you, and no matter how much time or hurt stood between you, that would never change.

With each creaking stair, you felt the nervous energy quickly turn to excitement, and as you raised your hand to knock on her front door, it felt like the sun began to shine down upon your face, warming your soul in the sweetest and most precious way.

But, the sun had always been shining, especially on the particularly warm summer day, even if it would soon set in the sky. Not a cloud in sight to cover it, and not even a flicker in its intensity.

As you knocked a second time, you could feel the light flood your veins, bright white and searing hot, begging to burst straight from your skin and bleed you dry.

This light, this warmth, never had a thing to do with the burnt up old star in the sky, and you believed that more than ever, especially when the door swung open and you were graced with the sight of her beautiful, breathtaking face.

Her POV

“Ozz, please.” You huffed out a sigh of frustration, grumbling and groaning as the cat puttered in front of your feet and tripped you for the second time since you stood. Although, you couldn’t be too upset at him, considering he was the only reason you knew there was someone at the front door. If not for his chirping and flattened ears, you would have disregarded the knock completely, bundled up on the couch as you watched reruns of your favorite television show. Feeling guilty for scolding him in such a tone, you gave a sad smile and reached down, scooping him straight into your arms as you carried him to the door.

Seemingly content with the new position, he melted into your chest as you kicked aside shoes lingering by the front door. You had gotten back from your faculty meeting a few hours prior, finding yourself excited and counting down the minutes until Monday morning, finally feeling right and ready to start your life. Tired from your first early morning in a long time (and from the long drive to and from), you started apartment hunting as soon as you got home, unwilling to make the hour trek both ways for any longer than necessary. Mel, who had scored an interview at an elementary school not far from the university, decided to take the afternoon and explore the town after a promising afternoon.

Knowing she wouldn’t be back until late (if at all, knowing her and her inkling to make friends or lovers anywhere), you ordered takeout to be delivered at your door and prepared for an evening to yourself. Your mother and your little sister had left shortly after you got home, giving you the rundown on their plans while you only half listened. When your father left, your mother had taken it upon herself to ensure that once a month, she would spend an entire evening with each of you on your lonesome, and at least one night with all three of you, doing something fun and carefree. It was her way of ensuring you two always knew how much she loved you, and that no matter how life was, she would always make time for you. Sometimes, it was just a movie, or ice cream, but other times, when money wasn’t as tight, it was a spa day or a day trip to the mall.

In the very beginning, you didn’t know it, but it was a way to distract her and the two of you from the emptiness of the home. It gave all of you something to look forward to, and it reminded you and your sister of all the love that continued to surround you.

Back then, you loved it. Now, you had a whole new appreciation for it knowing the truth behind it.

Once you went to university, obviously it became a little harder to maintain, so when you were home, she jumped at the chance to have that time with you again. It was different, but still just as important, and even more beautiful to see the tradition carry on.

So with the house all to yourself for the first time in a long time, you were soaking up the vacant space and lack of noise, enjoying as much of it as you could before the (welcome) chaos made a return.

Until the knock on the door, which left you where you were now: a cat clutched tightly to your chest, the evening sun shining through the blinds on the door before it sank in the sky, and a growing curiosity about who could be on the other side.

When you twisted the knob, the brightness from outside immediately took you by surprise. Once your eyes focused on the body before you, an ethereal light behind him framing him as even more angelic as usual, your heart sped and your stomach churned. It was not his presence that caused such a sudden reaction, even though he usually had such effects on you, but rather the items in his hand, held closely to his chest. Sunglasses sat low on his nose, his long brown hair honey-like as the sun illuminated it. His warm chestnut eyes spoke straight to your soul without him needing to say a word, and his half-smile sent a shiver straight down your spine.

“Hi, sunshine.” His voice, smooth like silk with a slight rasp of smoke, felt like a punch’s straight to the stomach.

The last time you had seen him, emotion hung heavy over your heads and your hearts splayed so carefully on your sleeve, you felt like you had left a million things unsaid, things you weren’t sure you would ever be able to air out. The title you had placed upon yourselves had left you wanting more, even if it did serve a little comfort when it changed from friends, and the risqué picture he sent over text after he was dropped off at the hotel was still seared into the front of your mind. Though a few texts had been sent and received between now and then, you still felt like the two of you had been caught in a stalemate, damned if you reached out and damned if you did not.

For the first time since the night on the roof, you finally let yourself feel how much you were missing him, how bleak and lonely life was without his company, whether it be in person or over the phone. For a brief second, you wanted to collapse into his arms, unable to control yourself or ignore the need to be held by him. Giving your head a slight shake, you understood that was not the best way to greet him, especially considering his hands were full, and so were yours.

Well, occupied, at least.

Ozz, who had been completely content with being held by you moments before, was now completely beside himself as he tried to push himself free from your grasp. He was chirping and meowing like crazy, desperate to be noticed by you even if your attention was caught by something else. Finally back to earth, you looked down at the furry companion, noticing his intent was not to be put down on the floor, but rather to greet Jake with all of the love you were withholding from him.

As you watched him lean towards the boy at the door, you felt a rush of emotion flood you, your eyes flickering between Jake and Ozz, finding the situation more telling than anything else.

“He never greets me like that.” You whispered to yourself, stepping forward as Jake did the same, always willing to meet you in the middle.

“He seems more excited to see me than you are.” Jake joked, raising his free hand to pet the cat, showing Ozz he was just as happy to see him.

“Not true.” You dismissed the idea. “I am excited to see you—just surprised.” Not at his presence, but the curious items he held in his hand and the overwhelming response of your cat to his company. And, although he was always welcome at your house, his showing up without any prior warning was very out of character, even for the version of Jake you loved so long ago.

“Can I come in?” One step inside already, he figured it would be best to ask permission to come any further despite the fact he knew he did not need it.

“Of course you can.” You nearly scoffed the reply, astounded by the fact he even felt the need to ask.

“How was your first day?” He asked, gently kicking the door shut behind him as you stepped backwards to allow him inside. Your eyes still fixated on his hands, you couldn’t seem to feign any sense of normalcy in response to his question. You slowly made your way back to the dining room, checking over your shoulder as he followed behind you. As you turned back to face him, you finally managed to respond.

“I-it… good.” Your eyes squeezed shut, embarrassed at your own lack of poise. “Okay, yeah—what are you doing here?” You finally understood that dismissing his suddenness and surprise was not an option, because you could not focus on anything aside from the—

“For you.” He finally extended his arm, offering the bouquet of expensive looking and beautifully arranged flowers. Taking in the sight of them, smelling the sweet fragrance of the petals, you understood that his visit was not without intent. Knowing that from the very beginning, you carefully sat Ozz on the floor and accepted the gift anyway, feeling little desire to turn him or his sweet gestures away. “I’m headed back home tomorrow morning.”

“Oh.” For two people who could not fully be together, the prospect of not having him around nearly brought you to your knees with grief. “So, just stopping in to say goodbye?” The crack in your voice gave you away, instantly telling him how painful the idea was.

A slight smile crossed his face as he gave his head a shake. Then, his eyes flickered to the floor for a moment, like he was trying to compose himself before giving a verbal response. You watched him carefully, like you were begging him for something you did not have the strength to say. Subconsciously, you wanted him to tell you all of the things you wanted to tell him, to open that door and make it easier for you to retract your ridiculous claims of friendship and separate ways.

If you had learned anything in the last few days, it was that you were crazy for thinking you could force yourself away from him a second time. Too scared to say it first, you hoped that by some stroke of luck, he was there to tell you exactly that.

“Not really, no.” He finally said, flipping up the second item in his hand so he could see it clearly. As you swallowed the lump in your throat, you tried not to look down at it, a sinking feeling in your stomach forcing you to believe you lived this exact scenario six years prior. Your only hope was that it would not end the same way. “I have a few things to say; do you have time to listen?”

“Y-yeah,” you cleared your throat, wishing to rid yourself of the stutter that suddenly took to your words. “For you, I always do.”

“Good.” He hummed, tapping his foot against the ground as his gaze flickered to your face. “Are you actually going to listen to me, sunshine?”

Although you hated admitting to your bad habits, you knew his question served a purpose, and he was completely justified in asking it.

“Yes.” You promised, assuring him of the fact.

“Okay.” He sighed a breath of relief, happy to hear it. “Nine years ago, or just about, I skipped my fourth period history class. It was raining outside, miserable and cold… I knew I couldn’t swing the soccer field, so I had to stay inside and not get caught. Instead, I went down to the gym, figured I could fuck around in the equipment closet for a little while, then figure something else out.”

“Jake,” you warned, your stomach lurching and your chest aching, remembering the day just as vividly and just as longingly as he did. You couldn’t hear him retell it, couldn’t bear hearing it from his point of view, especially when you spent so many years trying to forget it.

“You said you were going to listen, so listen.” He laughed, barely phased by your expected interruption. “When I went inside, I went straight to the back corner, where they kept all of the soccer balls and basketballs—but I heard something. I stopped, asked myself if I was fuckin’ crazy, but I knew that I wasn’t. Lo and behold, there was a girl sitting behind those big blue gymnastic mats. Do you know who it was, sunshine?” He was playing a sick and twisted game, one that you didn’t like very much but were too curious to refute. You wanted to hear what he had to say, even if it hurt like a bitch to do it.

“Me.” You whispered, crossing your arms over your torso and hugging yourself for a bit of comfort, in agony as you recalled his curious eyes and gentle approach.

“Crying, hiding, all because of Liam and his ridiculous fucking list.” He finished for you, his eyes glazed over as the melancholy sat itself upon both of your shoulders. He remembered that fact with utmost clarity, especially considering the fact he deemed Liam his mortal enemy after you told him why you were in the equipment room in the first place. “I was already in trouble with my parents for skipping—said if I did it again, I wouldn’t be able to play soccer anymore. For whatever reason, that day I couldn’t bring myself to step foot in that classroom, not even when I thought of the consequences. I didn’t care, but I didn’t know why. When I sat down beside you, the first ever time I got to be the shoulder you cried on, I got it. The minute I saw you, sunshine, the very second you opened your mouth and spoke to me, when you let me be that person for you, nothing else in the entire world mattered.”

“I was supposed to be there, Y/N. I was supposed to be with you, listening to you, loving you. My whole life, that is the only thing I have ever wanted to do, that I’ve ever been meant to do. I did it for nine whole years, even while you were gone and even when you didn’t want me to—even when I didn’t want to, I did.” He stepped towards you, intent clear in his eyes and showing no sign of backing down. “Six years ago, I stood in front of you in this house, and I gave you a CD with eight songs. Four songs that told you how much I loved you, and four songs that told you how horrible it felt to know that I wouldn’t be able to love you anymore.” He paused, chuckling to himself as he looked down at his hands, another damned plastic CD case held tightly in one of them.

For the briefest second, the flowers in your hand and the CD in his brought you to a different time, stuck in your bedroom with posters decorating the walls, the sweetness of lavender and vanilla hanging in the air, Dr. Phil reruns echoing down the hallways from the living room. You were eighteen again and so was he, silently begging each other to try a little harder, to have a little more faith, but too afraid to speak it aloud.

This time, you didn’t want to keep quiet. You remembered, almost too vividly, how painful it was to swallow your desires and leave him behind, how it never truly went away, how horrible it felt to chase your dreams without him by your side. You didn’t want that for him; you grew too much, worked too hard to end up in the same situation with just the roles reversed. You couldn’t let him go again, not without saying everything. You could leave no stone unturned, no matter how afraid you were of the outcome. You were so afraid of hurting him and yourself that you were doing it anyway, and if you had learned anything in your time loving Jake, it was that a single moment spent with him was worth any outcome, good or bad.

But, you promised him you would listen. The last few days, you had done all of the talking, made all of the decisions. It was his turn, and you had to allow him that.

“Back then, I thought it was so stupid… that you would think it was stupid, or corny, or whatever.” He swallowed hard, his eyes still focused on the plastic casing in his hand. “For a long time, that’s how I felt about it. Eight songs couldn’t even come close to how I feel about you, sunshine. Nothing could ever explain that, not even me. For six years, I thought there was just some stupid CD out in the world, or in the garbage somewhere, wondering why I couldn’t have been a little braver and said it aloud, rather than being a coward and biting my tongue. I hated that CD, because I always thought it wasn’t enough.”

“Jake, it was more than enough.” You stressed, gently placing the flowers down on the dining room table behind you.

“It wasn’t enough back then, but it was enough to bring you back now, sunshine.” He corrected you. “I wanted it to keep us together, but I’m okay with the fact it just took a while to work.” Before you could respond, you got distracted by the beauty of his face as he smiled softly, like he was proud of himself for phrasing it so perfectly. “I told you that night that it wasn’t over for us, that maybe it was just the time wasn’t right—Romeo and Juliet. That’s why I put that song on there.”

“I know that’s why, and I agreed with you.” You hummed, feeling that damn gravitational pull forcing you towards him again.

“Right, but I’m telling you that there’s no way in hell that the time was wrong twice.” He stepped towards you, wanting to take your face in his hands but holding himself back. “This is our second chance, our opportunity to do it right.”

“But it doesn’t—“

“It does.” He cut you off, knowing exactly where your mind was. “Those notifications, Y/N, all the rescheduled meetings and interviews… I know why you reacted like that, but it wasn’t what you thought it was.”

“Then what was it?” You hugged yourself a bit tighter, needing the security as he began to deconstruct even more notions in your mind.

“Josh.” He confessed, catching your eye so you could see the truthful intent.

Jake had always been a terrible liar, and in that moment, you couldn’t catch a single wisp of anything other than the truth.

“When you called, and we started talking again, he was even happier than we were, and it was his idea to put everything on pause so I could come here and make sure that I didn’t lose you again.” You felt a wave of sickness wash over you, guilt nipping at your skin and ravaging your heart and head. Jake didn’t put everything on pause and hinder himself and everyone else; everyone else was on board, pushing him back towards the girl he dreamt of every night for six years. You had jumped the gun, decided things for yourself and never gave him the chance to explain. “And if you think, even for a second, that I would want any girl that wasn’t you, you really have lost your mind, sunshine.”

“I didn’t…” you trailed off, knowing that you had indeed lost your mind. Believing that he would ever be unfaithful or disloyal to you was the most insane thing you had ever done, and punishing him for something you knew was not true was even worse. “I’m sorry, bug.”

“Amelie is our friend, yes, but more importantly,” he reached into his pocket, swiping the screen to unlock it and show you he was being honest. “Our photographer.” He flashed the screen in your direction, the text chain in question visible. The very message that put the nail in the coffin was followed by what looked like four pristine, stunning pictures of Jake on stage with his guitar in his hands, illuminated by the pyrotechnics with his hair sticking to his skin.

Although the topic at hand was more pressing, you could not deny the feeling rapidly growing in the pit of your stomach, worsening as you stared at the pictures of him, wondering if by chance you would be able to see the sight with your own eyes someday.

“I was bothering her all week to send me some of the shots she got… to show you.”

“Jake,” you took your face in your hands, squeezing your eyes shut as your heart ached for the boy who stood before you. How could you hurt him so badly, more than once? “I’m so, so sorry.”

“I’m not mad, or upset, or anything, sunshine. You deserve the truth, and that’s why I’m here.” As you pulled your hands away from your face, you saw him slip his phone back into his pocket. Then, his attention turned back to the plastic case in his hands as he drew in a long breath. “And the fucking truth is, I can’t go back to Nashville and leave things like this. I can’t be your friend, I can’t be in love but not together, and I won’t be a fucking stranger again. You found that box for a reason, and the reason is standing in front of you right now—the reason was the night at the hotel, and what should have been the last few days. The time isn’t wrong, sunshine. I’m here, telling you that I have never stopped loving you, not even for a minute. I waited so long for you to reach out, spent so many nights staring at the ceiling trying to remember what it felt like when you were laying next to me, and I don’t want to do that anymore, especially when I know that it feels just as good now as it did when we were eighteen.”

He didn’t give you the chance to interrupt, because he stepped forward and pulled your mind in an entirely different direction. The scent of his cologne, sandalwood and amber, so reminiscent of the only peace you had ever known, was impossible to ignore.

“I gave you eight songs when we were eighteen, and I let you walk away. That was the biggest mistake I have ever made, and I spent my whole life trying to figure out how to fix it.”

You looked upwards, intoxicated by his cologne and frozen in time as you locked eyes with him. Sometimes, when he was staring at you, it felt like the whole world stopped turning, like the only thing that existed was the love shared between you. Your heart, aching and yearning for the only thing you had ever loved, did not belong to you. It had always been in the palm of his hand, his name to be heard in every timely beat if you listened close enough, and it never felt right anywhere else. Even as you stood now, broken and bruised after so long of suffering, you knew it was the only place you ever wanted it to be.

“This time, I have eight songs that I’ll let you decide the meaning to. If you want to walk away again, I can’t stop you, but only if you really mean it sunshine. If there is any part of you that wants to try again, listen to it—to me, when I tell you how fucking much I love you, how badly I want this.” Your eyes fluttered closed, trying your best not to shed a tear as you clung to every word. How could you deny him? How could you push him out the door and risk the chance of losing him forever? You knew how miserable life was without him by your side, and sometimes you believed death would be preferable to the feeling of missing him. Constantly walking, functioning, breathing, but never enjoying it. The functions automatic, just for survival and never for anything more.

You were tired of surviving, because you knew that being with him was the only time it ever truly felt like you were living.

“No One Like You, The Scorpions.” He started, confidence returning to him when he did not hear any objections. “If I had to pick one song to describe exactly how it felt without you, that’s the one. In six years, I never met a single person that could even come close to you, sunshine. I waited every single day for this, just to be with you again, no matter what we were doing.” You didn’t think it was possible for your heart to break any more, but every time he spoke, it did just that.

“You’re In My Heart… Rod Stewart.” He hummed out the words, sending you a soft smile that made your stomach twist in on itself. “Because you’re in my heart, you’re in my soul… you’ll be my breath should I grow old…” He whispered, reciting the lyrics as the apples of his cheeks tinged red. He chuckled at himself, embarrassed at his own actions, but you couldn’t have fallen any further in love with him than you were in that moment.

“You’re my lover, you’re my best friend.” You finished for him, unable to hold back the smile that wanted to match his so badly. Reaching out, a gentle hand landed on his forearm to show him how much he meant to you and how true the words were.

“Carry On by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young.” He continued, listing off yet another song that would mean just as much to you in years to come, no matter the outcome. “For lots of reasons… listened to it a lot after you went to school. Guess the reason I put it on this one was because of that last line. ‘Lover, can you talk to me?’” He paused, reaching up to swipe away a single tear that escaped the corner of your eye. “We don’t have to just… carry on. We can figure it out together, as a team. Just like we always did back then.”

“I think I like the sound of that.” You admitted, the words slipping out faster than you could stop them. There was no more holding back; the floodgates had opened, and you too knew that there was no way you could send him back to Nashville and leave things like this.

“We’re Going Wrong.” He said, trying to get through the songs as fast as possible. “I listened to it the day you left for university, and I listened to it this week at the hotel. This is wrong, sunshine. All of it. The way we feel, being apart… it doesn’t have to be like this. Two people who love each other this much should be able to make it work.”

You didn’t give a verbal response, but you were sure he could see it in your eyes that you felt the same.

“I Can’t Tell You Why… last time, I threw a Bob Dylan song on the CD, and I know you hated it, even if you didn’t say it out loud. Maybe that was why it didn’t work.” At that, the two of you shared a true, genuine laugh that shook your shoulders and lessened the heartbreak for a moment. “To make up for it, I put an Eagles song on this one, ‘cause I know they’re your favorite. Lots to pick from, but I think that one gets the message across the best.”

“Me, too.” You hummed, unable to tear your eyes away from his, feeling an invisible force locking you into place. Every time you saw him, every single time his eyes connected with yours, the whole world felt right. It seemed as though when he was next to you, nothing could ever go wrong.

“Sweet City Woman.” He laughed to himself as he said it aloud, the blush on his cheeks darkening as he prepared to confess to the next one. “Sam went through this phase, way back when we first went on tour… swear to god, sunshine, he played this song every single day. Drank to it before shows, he danced around to it on the tour bus. Not sure what it was… maybe it was just catchy, upbeat, put him in a good mood and got stuck in his head… I used to get so mad at him, but it wasn’t because I hated the song, or anything like that. For the first little while, it was funny watching him sing along to it, but it always made me so fucking sad and I had no idea why. Went to bed early one night, they were all drinking and talking, and he put it on like usual… I was scrolling through old pictures, even though I knew I shouldn’t, and it made sense—that whole song, from the very first note, always made me miss you, because it reminded me of you. Bright and shiny, full of love and light…”

“Some things never change, Jacob.” You laughed, blinking back tears blurring your vision. The happy sadness was coating your words, stuck in your throat and warbling your tone.

“What do you mean?” He asked, fighting every urge to hold you until the sadness passed and only happiness remained.

“Hopeless romantic, just like always.” You whispered, feeling tempted by the softness of his lips, wondering if you could interrupt his grand show of affection and cut straight to the point. Remembering what it was like to kiss him and to touch him was tortuous enough without him within reach, but having him standing in front of you was worse than anything else. Still, you decided to let him finish, to say all he needed to get off his chest so the two of you could move forward.

“Only for you, Y/N. Always for you.” He hummed, the gentle tone matching yours. “Angel Eyes by The Jeff Healey Band… we were at a bar, Josh and I, not long after we released that first EP. Went on a big road trip to Toledo, just him and I, to get away and to distract me from being miserable—not sure why we picked Toledo, but whatever—anyway, we were at this dingy bar, losing money at a set of slot machines.” He cut himself off from rambling, bluntly getting to the main point of his story. At that, another laugh took hold, imagining the picture with the utmost clarity. “Someone threw this song on the old Jukebox, and I had never heard it before. Was an older couple, just starting to go gray and definitely hammered. Sunshine, they slow danced to that song like they were the only people in the room—no, in the world. I was drunk off draft, and mourning the three-hundred bucks I just threw in the machine, and I watched them the whole damn time.” He stopped himself, choked up and teary-eyed just at the memory. He shook his head, clearing his throat as he blinked away his own tears, unwilling to break down in front of you as he told the story.

“I just remember thinking to myself how much I wanted to do that with you, how badly I wanted that to be us—then and in twenty years, when your hair is turning gray and I’m going bald. It had been so long since I talked to you, since I saw you, and even then… I just knew, sunshine. I knew it was you, that it would always be you. Here in Michigan, at mom and dad’s house, in a taproom in fucking Toledo, at the Eiffel Tower in France, in that fucking hotel room in Italy—sunshine, it’s you. You’re the only thing I have ever wanted, and no matter where I am or what I’m doing, I want you there beside me. I knew that night that I couldn’t give up, because if I still loved you as much as I did when you left, it wasn’t worth letting go.”

“Jake,” you swallowed back a sob, your heart shattered in your chest and stabbing you with every breath, knowing that you felt all of the same things for just as long as he did. “I felt—I feel the same way. There was never another you, and I didn’t want to find one. I didn’t want anyone to take your place, or sleep in bed next to me. I didn’t want to learn anyone else’s favorite color, or how they drank their coffee. I wanted you.” He wanted to respond, but his eyes flickered to the CD, knowing he had one last thing to say before the conversation changed direction. You smiled, giving him a gentle nod as a silent permissive gesture. He let out a breath, happy to know you understood what he meant.

“Straight On, Heart.” He finished the tracklist, proud of himself for making it that far. “I’m here for a reason, sunshine, and you know exactly what it is.” He finished, standing still as he awaited your response. His breathing stopped, his eyes locked on you with no intent to move, wondering if after all this time it was finally enough. “Do you feel it too, or am I just fucking crazy?” Instead of responding, you reached your hand out, slow and steady as you extended it towards him. His gaze flickered towards your outstretched fingers, wondering what it meant and if he accepted, would it be for the reason he so badly wanted.

“Come on,” you emphasized your hand, raising an eyebrow at him. Cautiously, he reached out and laced his fingers with yours. “Come with me.” You whispered, taking a small step towards the hallway. Without a word, he followed behind, letting you lead him up the stairs and to your bedroom, the one in which you had created a lifetime's worth of cherished memories. “Sit.” You motioned towards the bed, reluctantly letting go of his hand as you ushered him away from you.

He did as you asked, still holding the CD close as he sat on the very edge of the bed, the same space you sat six years prior while he stood and poured his heart out to you. For a brief moment, you admired the sight of him in your bed again, feeling that it had been far long since you were able to experience something so beautiful. Then, forcing yourself to remember why you brought him upstairs in the first place, you took a step towards your desk. Your fingers clasped around the tattered shoebox, the fateful capsule of memories that brought you back to him in the first place. The shine of silver sharpie, half faded and covered with dust brought a smile to your face as you picked it up and brought it to him, taking a seat next to him on the mattress.

“The first Christmas after we broke up, I sat right here with Mom… I was so sad. I was sad every single day after I left, and sometimes it felt like I was drowning in it, like I would die if it didn’t get better.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, but you knew he was listening to every word. “I listened to that first mixtape twenty-four seven, Jake. First thing in the morning, while I got ready for class, while I showered, when I went to bed. I had every scratch, skip, static, all of it, memorized. I thought about you every minute of every day, and dreamt about you while I slept. When I came home for the holidays, I was a fucking mess.” Listening intently without saying a word, his eyes seemed to be burning holes straight through you, putting you on display like never before.

“She was desperate to help, so she did the exact same thing she did when dad left; she helped me pack up every single memory and reminder of you we could find.” You felt the scratch of tears in your throat as you recalled the visceral pain as you packed your life’s greatest love away in a box to never be seen again. “Including the CD.” You flipped the top open, feeling a sinking feeling in your stomach for no real reason at all. The memories washed over you like summer rain, sweeter and warmer than ever before now that he was here to live it with you. You reached inside, your fingertips grazing over flower petals and baby’s breath from corsages and bouquets he didn’t even think you remembered.

“She packed it away somewhere, kept it out of sight until I was ready for it again. Think she thought that when I stumbled across it, I’d be healed and moved on… she never anticipated me to still be as in love with you as I was the day we put all of this stuff away.” You continued, carefully laying out tokens of love on the patterned cotton sheet below, showing him just how cherished and loved he was by you. “I always knew, Jake. I always knew that you would be that person for the rest of my life, no matter where I was or how long it had been since I saw you. When I opened this box… the whole world stopped. At first, it hurt so bad, but now I know that it happened for a reason.”

“I tried, for four years, to forget about you, to forget about how badly I missed you, how deeply I loved you. I buried myself in work, distracted myself with anything I could think of, and sure after a while the memories faded to the back of my mind, but that hollow feeling never left.” You scattered old guitar picks alongside flower petals, your fingers tracing the divots in the plastic from their prolonged use. Years of musical history lived within the flimsy fibers, contained within the box to keep them safe forever. Not a single moment of Jake’s life, of his love, or of his emotion went unnoticed by you, and not a single second did you ever take it for granted. Within your heart, it was forever sacred. “I had myself convinced that you moved on, that you forgot all about me and found a girl who could love you better than I could, back then. Not for a single second did I ever consider the idea that you were hurting just as bad as I was, because if I’m being honest, I never thought there was a universe that existed where you would not be loved so completely and wholly like you deserved.”

“When I found the box… as we sit here now, I know that you were always loved like that, even if you didn’t feel it or see it or hear it, because I never stopped.” You pressed your lips together tightly, locking up the cry that was desperate to escape as your fingers grazed the stack of old Polaroids. “Every single thing you ever gave me, every picture we took, every love letter you signed with your name, it’s all here, Jake. I kept it for a reason, because six years ago the universe knew I would need some motivation, some courage, to reach out and tell you that no matter how hard I tried, I could never forget you.”

“I remember everything. Where we took these pictures, how it felt to be loved by you in that moment, the sound of Josh laughing at us, the fucking sticky summer heat on my skin. All of these guitar picks—you gave me this one,” you pointed at a green one, smiling softly to yourself. “This one fell out of your pocket into the bed,” you pointed at a worn black one. “And I found this one in the bathroom, the night we decided to take a step back and figure our shit out before I left.” You took in a deep breath, calming your buzzing nerves as you continued to tell him everything you had kept secret for so long. “This sticky note, you left on my desk in senior year. English class, which you fucking hated, after the teacher got pissed off at you for talking to me. This rose petal came from the first bouquet of flowers you ever gave me, and this movie stub was from eleventh grade.” You stopped yourself, realizing you were rambling for no real reason at all other than to finally, truly express how much he meant to you.

“Point is, I didn’t forget anything. I convinced myself I did, ‘til it was in front of my face and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I found this for a reason, and the reason definitely isn’t ’two people in love who can’t fully be together’.” You finished, catching his hopeful eye and feeling the same feeling blossoming in your own chest. “I was stupid, and I was scared, both times. I wish I could take that back, to make it right and make it up to you… I know I can’t, but I want to try, Jake. All those things I felt at the hotel, although they’re true, aren’t a good enough reason to give this up. My whole life, especially the last six years, I’ve come to terms with the fact that loving you is the only thing that I know how to do, and I don’t want to know anything or anyone else. You’re that person for me too, bug. You always have been.”

“Sunshine,” he breathed, his hand going in search of the items you held so close to your heart. As his calloused fingertips grazed the edge of the Polaroid picture, the very one of you sitting in the field, nestled so comfortably in his arms, you knew the exact feeling that washed over him. Seeing it after so long, having all of that love rush back and fill your body, it was almost too much to bear. Thankfully, this time, you had each other to lean on. “You have no idea how good it is to hear you say that.”

“I know you won’t throw your life away to be with me. I suppose I’m just so afraid… I’m afraid because I love you so much, Jake. Even while I went off, chasing my own dreams and building a new life… yours were still so important to me. I’ve been your biggest fan since the day I met you, and I know how hard you’ve worked to get here, and I don’t ever want to get in the way of that. I couldn’t handle it if I did and you resented me for it. I love you too much, Jake. Always have. Used to think it was a bad thing, but I know that it is the best thing in the whole fucking world. Loving you makes it worth it, and I want to live your dream with you, and now you can live my dream with me.” He haphazardly tossed all of the items back in the box, still cautious so as not to damage any of the precious memories, a blinding smile growing on his face the longer he worked at the task.

“Last time, I told you ‘we have tonight’.” He said, finally placing the box on the floor beside the bed and looking back at you. You hummed a noise of agreement, nodding ever so slightly. “What if it’s not just tonight, sunshine? It can be the rest of our lives. It can feel like this forever—I just need you to say yes. We can figure all of the hard shit out later, take it as it comes.” He watched you, waiting as you processed what he was saying. After a moment of prolonged silence, he spoke again. “I love you, sunshine. More than anyone or anything, and I will love you no matter if you’re mine or not. If we’re going to love each other anyway, let’s do it the right way.” Silence ensued once more, but not because you were hesitant. This time, it was because you had a hard time believing that it could be real, that he was here and the stars had aligned, that the time was finally right.

No more obstacles, no more fear, no more waiting for the one thing you had always dreamed about. He was here, eight more songs in hand, ready to love you for the rest of his life and unwilling to settle for anything less. You had never wanting anyone or anything more than this, more than him, and after spending so long lamenting about something you thought you may never get, it was difficult to trust that it could be so easy.

“What do you say, sunshine?” Clearly, the silence was affecting him a bit more than you realized, leaving him shifting nervously in his seat and desperate for an answer.

“Yes, Jake.” You breathed, nodding your head as a second form of reassurance. “Of course I’m going to say yes. I know I’ve been afraid, and stupid, but you are the only thing I’ve ever wanted. Being with you is the only thing that makes sense.” You explained, moving a bit closer to him in hopes he would take the hint. “I want to figure it out. I want us to work.”

Without another word, without any hesitation, he sprung forward like you had just given him the greatest gift in the entire world. His hands landed on your hips, and not long after his lips were on your own, showing you exactly how he felt about your decision. The feeling of his touch sent you spiraling, ascending to a height that only he could bring you to. His hands, warm and gentle, felt like they were burning straight through the cotton material covering your skin, leaving behind a mark to claim you as his own despite the fact you had always been his. Your arms wrapped around his neck, inviting him in and hoping he would choose to stay there forever so you would never have to suffer another minute without him.

It seemed like when he was touching you, the whole world was still; nothing else mattered, and nothing that would come after could ever compare. The only terrible part of it was the fact you could never get enough, that you couldn’t fathom the bliss coming to an end or how you could survive the loss of it. Although the two of you had grown accustomed to loss at each other's hands, it never made the hurt any easier nor the pain any less dignified.

“Jake, I need you.” You whispered, breaking from his kiss just long enough to utter the words.

Just like always, you did not have to ask him twice. Still high off the emotion-filled confessional, he stood and kicked the door shut, barely lingering to lock it before he was back by your side. His need, although unspoken, exuded from his actions and the familiar look in his eye. He had been waiting, patient and loving for you to give him permission to do the one thing he was put on earth to do.

As he climbed back on the bed, between your legs, you could not refute how innate the feeling was—nothing had ever felt so right, the weight of his body atop of yours, always secure and never intimidating. The softness of his lips against your skin, the love woven into the miniscule action enchanting and endless, reminding you of his heart and how it beat just for you. The rough calluses on his fingertips, igniting every bit of skin he touched and now, the tickle of his hair as it fell over his shoulders—all of it was a small piece of an even bigger picture, one in which you painted in your mind every night you spent without him, the bed empty yet somehow still sunken in by the weight of his memory beside you.

Loving him was the easiest thing you had ever done. Falling was never the question, and climbing out wasn’t even a possibility. Even if you were equipped with the skills to evade it, you didn’t want to. Even when you had yourself fooled, believing you had left it behind in the little hometown that would always haunt you, it was bound to catch up to you eventually.

When his lips connected with yours again, the sweet taste of his skin against the very tip of your tongue, you wondered if he was the very thing that breathed life into you. Your heart, mending just at the thought of a future with him, your soul shining brighter and threatening to burst from under your skin as he continued to love you. Without him, survival remained, but living was always the question. How can you truly enjoy your life when you always feel like there’s a part of you missing?

The feeling blossoming in the pit of your stomach, your skin aflame with his touch, the breathlessness in your lungs and the steady thud of your heart underneath your breastbone let you know that you were whole again—feeling every single sensation intensified by a million, you were living. Not waiting for the mediocre to pass you by, not gazing out into nothing and wondering if you would find something—he was there, invigorating and energizing parts inside you that you never thought would feel again, like he never even left at all.

As his hands slipped under your shirt, the slight scratch of his rough skin sending a shiver down your spine, you wondered how you ever had the ability to deny him at all. Walking away from that hotel room, leaving him behind and swallowing your sorrow may have been an act that hurt him, but you did so with the intent to keep him safe. It was never a selfish act, nor an intent to harm. You truly believed that by keeping your distance, you would protect the very heart that gave so much to you, that it would save him even more hurt in the long run. Now, feeling the emotion bleeding him dry, the beat of his heart against your own body, you saw a whole different side of the story. Leaving never protected either of you, not in the very beginning and certainly not now. Being with each other, living life alongside each other, seemed to be the only thing that would leave you both truly satisfied.

“Fuck,” you hissed through your teeth, all of the nerves in your body aflame as his palm landed over your chest, the warmth of his skin and the firmness of his touch sending electricity straight through you. Using his arm to push the fabric away from your torso, it slid upwards and bunched together around your shoulders, leaving you exposed and at his disposal.

He leaned down, his lips trailing over your stomach as he made it a point to show you just how much he held for you in his heart. Even if the intent was filthy, the act itself sinful, he treated you with care and caution, making sure you knew he would never lay a finger on you if it were for the wrong reasons. Just the same as an angry word would never pass his lips, a cruel name or even a negative thought in his head. When it came to you, love was the only thing that concerned him, and now that he had the second chance he had been waiting so patiently for he was determined to show you all of the things he was feeling.

With every kiss he placed on your skin, you felt his actions grow more careless. His tongue traced the same spots his lips once graced, and as he progressed further up your body, faint red marks remained from the suction of his cheeks, desperate to remind you of his company for days to come. Eventually, his mouth landed on your breast, his tongue grazing your hardened nipple and forcing your thighs to try and squeeze together, desperate for friction. He felt the pressure on his hips, settled carefully between them as you tried to relieve yourself without a second thought. You could feel him smile against you, only worsening the ache between your legs.

You wanted him so bad you could barely contain yourself, unable to enjoy the moment without feeling the need for more. A whine in the back of your throat only furthered his cockiness, letting him know he barely had to try to make you feel good. Every breathy moan and muffled sigh affected him, and you could feel his cock against your core, worked up just by touching you and asking for relief just at the thought of fucking you.

You slowly reached your hand between your bodies, wanting to feel him just the same as he was with you. As you palmed him through his pants, you felt his hips jut forward ever so slightly, unable to control the reaction he had to your hands on him.

“Impatient much?” He chastised you, his tone light and a small smile on his lips as he looked up at you through his lashes.

“Not impatient,” you huffed, your cheeks flushed from his constant attention. “Just know what I want.” A low chuckle shook his shoulders, finding your rebuttal humorous.

“Mhm,” he hummed an agreement, looking up at you with a shine of mischief in his warm brown eyes. “And that just so happens to be… me?” His torment was getting on your nerves, making you regret speaking at all.

“Obviously, Jake. Did you really need to ask that?” You rolled your eyes, watching his gaze flicker to your shirtless chest for a moment, like he was admiring the sight and unable to look away.

“No,” he grinned. “Just like to hear you say it.” You did not have time to think too long about his words, because his mouth was back on you, and this time as he kissed, his lips traveled downwards towards your navel. As he did so, you couldn’t find it in you to be annoyed with him any longer, too caught up in the rush of excitement that flooded your body and distracted by the thought of what was to come.

As his fingers dipped below the waistband of your pants, you had to bite down on your lip to keep yourself from crying out. He barely even touched you, yet everything he was doing felt fantastic. Just him being near made you want to fall to your feet, to beg him for more, for anything he was willing to give. You lifted your hips from the mattress, allowing him to slide your pajama bottoms and underwear down in one motion. Once he removed them from your legs, he tossed them to the floor without a single care in the world.

When his hands returned to your legs, your muscles tensed and twitched at the feeling. Slowly, he brought his lips back to your skin, grazing over the insides of your thighs. Your hands traveled downward, fingers lacing into the locks of his hair as he continued his torment.

Eventually, his mouth was hovering over your heat, a hunger in his eyes that you could not quite comprehend as you stared down at him. You could feel the arousal pooling, your need unfathomable as you understood how close you were to having him again. Despite all the heartbreak, the pain when he was gone, the minute he was in reach you were absolved of all the ailments.

Two strong hands on your hips, holding you firmly as he pulled you down on the mattress, connecting his mouth to your cunt with ease. A gasp fell from your lips, your abdomen tensing at the intensity of the feeling. His tongue settled over your entrance, savoring the taste of you for a moment.

When he began to move, slowly but intently through your folds until he landed over your clit, your hips raised off the bed to meet the time of his actions. His name, already caught in the back of your throat and stuck in your teeth as you tried to hold it back, was forcing its way out whether you wanted it to or not. He was barely tracing circles around your clit before your legs were trembling, and barely started before you felt the familiar sensation in the pit of your stomach.

Everything he did was fantastic, and it always seemed like he never even realized it.

If you had learned any lesson on your journey, it was that Jake was undoubtedly one of a kind, in a league of his own without even a thought of another contender.

“Always taste so fucking sweet, angel. Can’t believe it’s all for me.” His tone was raspy as he pulled back for just long enough to praise you, the sound washing over you as warm as summer rain.

For the briefest of moments, you were sixteen again, falling in love with him all over again and even more intensely than before. Back then, you did not know much about love or how to express it, but you always tried your best. Looking back on it, you understood that despite your lack of knowledge, you loved him better than you could ever love another, and he did the same with you. Now, you had grown and you had learned, all of the lessons you did not realize you needed to endure and all of the hardships you faced and never realized would help you in the future allowed you to love him with a whole new meaning, appreciating him for all he was and all he would be.

You were near twenty five, a quarter of a century spent fighting for happiness and figuring out what was right, finally at the destination you always knew you’d find.

You wished you could say it was only a part of you that forever belonged to Jake, even in his absence, but it was not true. All of you had always belonged to him, and trying to refute the fact was the stupidest thing you had ever done.

“Fuck, Jake.” You whined, the pleasure pulsing under your skin and infiltrating your veins. He was so phenomenal that he took over every thought and emotion, burrowing into your skin and making a home in all of the places you never suspected to find him. His memory was seared into your heart, hollowing out your bones and existing within them. Everything he was doing now served only as a reminder that you would never be able to escape the love he so often threw your way.

“Tell me how good it feels, baby.” He encouraged, his tone thick with desire as he used his thumb in place of his tongue. “You know it’s my favorite sound in the whole fucking world.” Overtaken with need, you let out a strained cry, wanting to give him anything and everything he ever asked for. He hummed against you as he traced your clit with his tongue, gentle praise to let you know how happy he was to hear it. He added his fingers to you, slowly pumping his middle and index fingers and curling them upwards in search of the spot he knew all too well.

Your hands in his hair tightened, drawing him nearer even though it was virtually impossible to do so. Your hips began a slow, steady rhythm to match the time of his tongue and hand, maximizing the pleasure he was granting you and desperate for more. The warm wetness of his tongue was divine, pushing you closer to the edge with every passing second and sparing you no mercy.

The searing heat of your skin, the glisten of sweat on your forehead and the rapid rise and fall of your chest let him know he had you exactly where he wanted you, and now that he did, he would never let it slip away.

The knot in the pit of your stomach began tightening, fraying under the pressure and threatening to snap. Your heart was pounding, wildly drumming against your chest and in your throat. Your lungs were burning, unable to catch up on the air you so desperately needed. As you struggled to comprehend the intensity of the feeling, you feared for a fleeting moment in time that you might die at his hand. Then, as the thought passed you by, you understood that it would be the most blissful end you could ever imagine. To die by his touch and the last sight be his eyes, you knew there would be no better. Whatever came after, wherever you landed, the memory would allow you to flourish under any circumstances.

“Oh god, Jake.” Your words served as a warning, close to an orgasm and left without control. It never took him long to get you where he wanted you, and that day proved no different.

He hummed against you, the soft vibration only heightened the feeling burning in the pit of your stomach. As your fingers tugged at the strands of his hair, your hips raised from the bed to meet the time of his tongue, your body in search of something you were unsure you could handle. Without any warning, the knot in your belly snapped under the pressure, leaving you unraveling beneath him, your throat aching as you cried out his name. Your mind was foggy, your thighs trembling as he held you in place, working you through the orgasm like it was his favorite pastime. He did not slow until your muscles relaxed and you were melting into the mattress below, and even when he pulled away, you knew it was not to give you any kind of break. He slid from the bed and freed himself from his pants and boxers with little effort, and before you knew it he was between your legs on his knees before you even came too, his cock resting against your entrance and his eyes fixated on your fucked-out expression. He was too desperate to wait any longer, not even long enough to fully rid himself of his clothes, but you did not mind one bit.

“Do you know how much I love you, sunshine?” He asked, anchoring his hands around your hips as he pulled you towards him. “Do you know how much you mean to me? How much this means to me?” Sliding his hands to the front of your thighs, he pushed your legs towards your stomach with his chest. “You are everything to me, Y/N. You always have been, and you always will be.” As he spoke, he pushed his hips forward, the stretch of you from his size delicious and intoxicating. “You’re home to me, Angel.”

“I do, baby.” You groaned, your head falling back on the pillows as his sweet words washed over you. “I feel the same, Jake. I always have.” You cried, feeling him withdraw and slam back into you.

Looking up at him, the overhead light highlighting the small details that drive you crazy, you noticed your previous orgasm still glistening on his chin. His pupils had engulfed his irises, blackened with lust and shining with desire. The raise of his shoulders with every heaved breath, the radiance of the little skin you could see. He was stunning, ethereal and god-like as he towered over you, and you still could not believe how lucky you were to be on the receiving end of his love.

As he fucked you, he used one hand to undo the last few buttons on his shirt, shaking it from his shoulders and tossing it lazily on the floor. The careless action sent a rush of pleasure straight to your core, making you wonder why everything he did was so fantastic, no matter what it was.

“Always feel so fucking good, sunshine.” He hummed, using his hands on your thigh to pull you down on him with every thrust of his hips. The impact made your legs feel like liquid, barely able to hold them up if not for his help. The curve of your ass fit perfectly against his hips, making the two of you privy to another way that proved you were meant to be together. “Just like you were fucking made for me.” At that, your walls fluttered around him, pulling him in deeper in hopes to keep him there forever.

Keeping his arm hooked around your thigh, he reached between your legs and settled his thumb over your clot, tracing slow circles as he continued on his steady pace. You were a mess for him, your throat raw as you hissed obscenities through your teeth. You reached up, curling your fingers around his biceps to keep yourself steady, the pulse of the pleasure sending you off kilter. Having him so close, so entirely, was a feeling you could not get from anything else. You wanted Jake, all of him, all of the time. Being deprived of it did not seem like such a big deal in the time you spent away, but now back in his arms, you knew how detrimental the loss was.

“Feels so fucking good, baby.” You whimpered, feeling the familiar sensation begin to burn in your belly again. “You make me feel so good.”

“That’s right, sweetheart.” He hummed, applying a touch more pressure with his thumb. “Nobody else could make you feel like this, right?” He delivered a particularly sharp slam of his hips, causing your breath to catch in your throat.

“Only you, Jake. Nobody else.” You cried the agreement, wanting him to know that it was not only fact, but law. He was the only person in the entire world that could ever make you feel so good, so loved. He knew you better than anyone, and he loved you better than anything. He was in a league of his own, no contender even possible.

“And why is that, angel?” He asked, the force of his thrusts increasing, but not his speed. Every time he moved, you could feel him brush against the sensitive spot inside of you only he knew of. He was intent on driving you crazy, and he was making quick work at it. “Tell me why that is.” He ordered, his tone a bit more curt as he spoke for the second time.

“Because I’m yours,” you gasped, your hips raising to meet his when a particularly sharp pull of pleasure took hold. “I’m all yours Jake.”

“Exactly, baby.” He huffed, seemingly faltering at the sound of your words. “Because you’re all mine.” The possessiveness did nothing but further your pathetic need for him. All you had ever wanted to be was his, and knowing he wanted it just as bad was almost too much to bear.

His fingers seemed to be searing into your skin, the heat of his touch almost painful as he fucked into you, but you could not get enough of it. The marks that were destined to be left behind would remind you of him when he was on his flight back to Nashville, a gentle promise that he would be back again and the distance would not wear on his ability to love you. You felt greedy, wanting him to mark up your skin and leave his memory embedded in your soul, needed to hold on to every piece when he was far away. The thought used to scare you, worry you that in his absence, his fondness would falter. Now, you knew that would be impossible. There was no amount of distance, in this life or the next, that would lessen his love for you. He loved you the same as you loved him, and because of that, you knew it to be infinite.

“I want you to cum for me, sunshine.” He pulled you down on him again, his thumb still tracing circles as his hips moved in time. You could not verbally respond, instead feeling a guttural moan tear straight through your chest. He did not need to ask more than once, and in truth, he never needed to ask at all. You were teetering on the edge, close from the very moment he pushed inside of you, wanting nothing more than to give him anything and everything he wanted.

Your eyes squeezed shut, your muscles tensing as you felt the fire blazing within you become too much to withstand. With one last thrust of his hips, for the second time that night he had turned you into a mess below him. As the sweet sounds fell from your lips, he reveled in the feeling, unable to express the pride he felt knowing he had such an effect on you.

“There you go, angel.” He praised your hard work, finding it difficult to hold himself back as his name was spoken so beautifully between the slur of curses. You were worse than any addiction he had ever experienced, your hold on him so strong that he would go to the ends of the earth for you. “God, you take it so fucking well.” He huffed, a groan falling from his lips as he lost his own composure.

When you came down from the high, you had no time to recover, his pace never slowing and his thumb never letting up. The sting of overstimulation began to terrorize your nerves, driving you near insanity as you squirmed under his touch. You didn’t want him to stop, willing to take every uncomfortable second if it meant he would stay right there and never leave again.

“Doing so good, sweetheart. Just a little longer.” He encouraged, noticing your expression shift. “Always such a good girl for me.” You did not respond, instead feeling tears sting your eyes as the irritating feeling took over your entire body.

“Oh, fuck, Jake!” You exploded, your throat raw as you sang his name. It was like music to his ears, like it was a hymn and he was the god you prayed to. As long as he had a say, he never wanted that to change.

“That’s it, angel.” He growled, his head falling back and exposing the columns of his neck. You stared up at him, wondering how you could feel something so sinful and immoral at the same time as you felt such innocent and beautiful love for the boy. Jake made you feel a million things all at once, which was part of the reason he was so fantastic. He made you feel things you weren’t even sure you could, things you did not even know existed.

“Ah, fuck.” He hissed. Then, a growl came straight from his chest, framing him closer to a wild animal than the love of your night. He withdrew his hips, then in one swift motion, got out from between your legs and slipped his arm under your waist. Easily, he flipped you onto your stomach, the suddenness taking you by surprise and quickly making you forget about the nagging overstimulation.

Within seconds, he was back on top of you, straddling your thighs as he lined himself back up with you. When he fucked into you, the tightness of your body and the size of him sent you into bliss, only furthered when his hand raised to your head, grabbing a fistful of your hair as he gently pulled your head backwards. As his hips found a new pace, he leaned his upper half down towards you, his lips settling just over your ear as he placed a kiss to it. A shiver ran down your spine, but you couldn’t find the words to tell him how good it felt. Instead, when he pulled your head to the side and connected your mouths, you let him drink in every pathetic whine and cry, needing him to feel it instead of hear it.

Only when he was desperate for air did he pull away, his skin burning and his eyes crazed as he looked over your expression. Your flushed cheeks and shining eyes had always been his favorite sight in the whole world, and after watching you come undone by his doing twice, he was barely hanging on to his own sanity.

“Can you give me one more, angel?” He whispered, his cock brushing against your g-spot with every thrust of his hips. Your skin was electric, your nerves on fire and your legs trembling.

“D-don’t know, Jake.” You stuttered the response, wanting to do whatever he asked of you but feeling the tiredness set in. The rollercoaster of emotions and the surplus of pleasure had left your mind greatly depleted, your energy non-existent, and your eyelids heavy.

“You can do it, baby. Know you can, for me.” He continued, placing a gentle ghost of a kiss to your cheek. You nearly melted at the touch, and now that he had phrased it in such a way, you believed anything would be possible so long as the reward was his happiness. He was right—it wouldn’t take much at all to send you over the edge again, and if he continued to whisper the sweet words in your ear, you would be long gone before he even realized it.

You tried not to think about how good he felt inside of you, the stretch against him as he fucked you, how perfect his body fit against yours and how right it felt to be with him. It seemed like every time you let your mind linger on it, the pull of pleasure was too strong to resist, and you feared you might not be able to survive through another orgasm. Still, you felt it coming, your skin tingling as he continued to push you closer to it, little remorse in his heart.

“J-Jake,” you whined, your fingers gripping at the sheets as your burning cheek pressed against the pillow.

“That’s it, baby.” His tone was breathy, far away as he listened to the sound of yours. You knew him so well, even after so much time, and you could tell he wasn’t far behind you.

A particularly drawn out moan that sounded from behind you sent your body into overdrive, all of your nerves ignited with the same fire as before. Without warning, you cried out his name, your hands gripping the sheets to hold yourself steady as you felt the euphoric sensation begin to take over. This time, he couldn’t help but join you, the urge tempting him too greatly to dismiss. You felt his fingers on your skin, holding on to you just as tightly as you held the sheets, like the only grounding thing in the world was you.

Then, ever so gently, your name crossed his lips, softly and sweetly like he did not even mean to speak it aloud. The thought of you bringing him to such a state only furthered the ravenous feeling. You felt your walls clench around him, drawing him in further as he spilled his release into you. The climax was more intense than anything you had ever felt before, lasting long enough for you to beg for mercy, but you knew every second of it was meant to be cherished. Soon enough, he would be on a flight back to Nashville and you would be wishing for his company again, willing to give up everything just for a moment.

When you both came down from the high, Jake continued to rest inside of you as he gently laid atop of you, careful not to put too much weight on you but unable to resist the urge to be close with you. The warmth of his body sent you straight into bliss, your tired eyes and mind finally resting now that you were in his arms. Life felt good—it felt right. Being without him, no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself that it was for the best, always felt wrong. You were eternally grateful for his persistence and his never changing love for you. You were blessed beyond what many ever experienced from receiving his love alone.

The soft thud of his heart was soothing, his fingers mindlessly playing with the ends of your hair as he enjoyed the intimacy of the moment.

“There’s nothing else in the entire world that I want more than this, sunshine.” He whispered, his voice soft and tired. For a single moment, you felt selfish enough to want him to close his eyes and stay there with you forever, nothing to worry about other than sleep and the surplus of love in your hearts.

“Me either, Jake.” You confessed, feeling him slowly withdraw from you. He rolled onto his side, draping an arm over your waist as he pulled you into him. Turning towards him with a small smile decorating your lips, you hoped he knew how true it was.

“So,” he breathed, brushing your hair from your face so he could appreciate your beauty to the fullest extent “Is that it? Are we going to make this work?” You couldn’t help but laugh, a small giggle filling the air between you.

“Yeah, I’d really like that.” You nodded, your heart warm and your mind at ease. “I’m sorry I was so stupid. Just didn’t want to hurt you again.”

“You don’t have to be sorry.” He assured you, laying forward and placing a delicate kiss to your forehead. “If that’s the case—“ a mischievous smile sent your stomach fluttering with nervousness, but it was a feeling you had grown quite used to in his company. “Would you be my girlfriend, sunshine? Again? I promise we’ll do it right this time.”

“Think that goes hand in hand with making it work, don’t you think?” You teased, raising your hand to his face. You let your thumb trail over his cheek, trying to re-familiarize yourself with all of his intricacies.

“Never hurts to ask.” He let out a small chuckle, love shining in his eyes more than ever before, if it were even possible. “Is that a yes?” He raised an eyebrow, clearly wanting to hear the words come straight from your mouth.

“Yes, Jake. I want to be your girlfriend… again.” You grinned, finding the words a bit silly considering you never once felt like you weren’t his in the first place.

Leaning forward and pulling you into a kiss, the enthusiasm in his action told you everything you needed to know about how happy he was to hear it.

As the two of you laid there, infinitely intertwined with each other in the very same bedroom it ended once before, you felt the world was beginning again—the birds were chirping, the flowers blooming, and the sun shining. The misery once housed within the walls had disappeared entirely, replaced instantly with all of the love you had held and locked up inside your heart for so long. The most precious part of it all was not the warmth within you, but the fact you knew he felt the same way, bright and shiny and new again, ready to start over and make up for the mistakes your younger selves made so long ago.

“Just because I’m leaving sunshine, doesn’t mean I want to let this go. I think you know by now, I’ll do anything to make it work. It’s gonna be hard, for a little while at least, but I promise we can figure it out.” He spoke slowly, carefully, like he was afraid to make a wrong move and ruin the progress the two of you had made. You wished you could assure him that it was alright, that you had grown up and calmed down, and that nothing could ever force you away from him again. You knew that words would not satisfy that fear, so instead you vowed to prove it to him, no matter how long it took.

“Me, too.” You hummed, your eyes heavy and ready for rest, feeling at home beside him. “Maybe back then the time was wrong, but you’re right. I found that box for a reason, and we’re here for a reason. The right decision isn’t supposed to hurt, and walking away from you hurts more than anything. I’m not letting you go again, Jake. I love you just as much as I did when I was eighteen, and I know it’s not going anywhere. No matter if you’re halfway across the world or right here beside me, this is worth fighting for.”

He did not respond, but his head on the pillow inched closer to yours, a silent show of agreement for all you had said. You had always been good at talking too much, and he was an expert in not talking enough, but it was a perfect balance for the two of you, only showcasing the million other ways the two of you equaled each other out. As silence fell between you again, comfortable and secure, you felt the heaviness of your eyes seep into your bones, weighing you down and melting you into the mattress below you. The softness of his breathing and the looseness of his arm draped over you let you know that he was succumbing to the same things, uncaring about anything in the world and just happy to be there with you.

And for the first time in a really long time, you didn’t care about a single thing, either. For the first time in a really long time, the tacky paint and the abhorrent pattern on your bedsheets, the creaky floorboards and the scent of lavender and vanilla, the chestnut dresser and the haunt of an overly familiar tune was not off putting to you—it was home again, and the credit could not go to the bones of the house, hidden behind plaster and drywall, nor the memories burrowed so deep within them or the familiarity of the place—it was because of him, the heat of his body and the steady rise and fall of his chest, loving you even amidst sleep, because it was the only thing he ever knew how to do.

If you had learned anything at all, it was that Jake always was and would forever be home to you, and that living would only ever feel right so long as he was there beside you.

TAGLIST: @anythingforjtk @highway-tuna @klarxtr @hollyco @thetroublegetssoloud71 @ageofbajabule @dannys-dream @raceb14 @watchingover-hypegirl @starshine-gvf @do-it-jakey-baby @gretavansara @jakesbeloved @woyayaofdreams @jakeyt @kiszkas-canvas @gracev0609 @josh-iamyour-mama @musicspeaks @gretavangroupie @gretavanmoon @gvfmarge @takenbythemadness @fleetingjake @outlinedingold

If I’m missing anyone, please please let me know! After so many months and so much mess, my docs are a nightmare and I seem to have misplaced my taglist for melodic memories. i love you all, and thanks for sticking around 🤍

[portals-posts]

Headlock 🧁

S2!Caitlyn Kiramman x Fem!reader

WARNING: This may contain spoliers to the 2nd season of Arcane(this writing also isnt "inline" exactly with the show). Y/n lowkey being a 'Jinxer'🤭 Also if my writings a mess, i got longer nails! And the use of 'Y/N' a few times. You've been warned!😊

Summary: In a 'counselor' meeting, as Ambessa tries to 'help' Caitlyn get justice for her Mother(RIP a Baddie😔), Y/n isnt falling for Ambessa's trickery.

"It seems you've been avoiding me." Her soft yet firm voice echos from the door way she leaned upon. Caitlyn Kiramman. "I havent been trying, just been back to running everyones errands." Y/n explained, fixed the misplaced books around the tables in the room. "I saw you leave early" Caitlyn said, walking into the room, shutting the big door behind her. "Yeah, I just had something I had to." She explained softly,to fill the silent void. "And you weren't in bed this morning" Kiramman said as she fixed her long dark blue hair before wrapping her arms around her girlfriends sides, laying her chin on her shoulder and nuzzling her face into her neck. "Yeah, I just had alot to do,so i got up early." "You've been working alot lately" Caitlyn's accent whispered, leaving soft speck on Y/n's neck. " What's wrong?" She asks, noticing her girlfriend seems worried and a bit anixous. "N-nothing just not really feelling well." Y/n said, playing with the neck line of her top. "Your not very good at lying, Dear.", "I just don't feel right about this" She finally answered moving the Kirramans arms from around her sides and turned to face her. " 'bout what?" Cait asked,her arms now crossed over her chest, a ferm straight look plastered on her face. "J-just about it, I-i guess, raiding the Undercity, t-the whole manhunt, a-and -" Y/n tried explained, her eyes following Caits back and forth movements. "And what?!, Y/n" "And Ambessa" she replied in a whisper, as though she was in the room herself, moving her hands into her lap. "What about her?" Kiramman asked, now leading her backside on a table, resting her arms behind her. "I just think s-she kinda taking things to fast, a-and jus-" "Just nothing Y/n!" Caitlyn shouted, lightly slamming her fists on the table. "We NEED to do this, Jinx has to pay for her crimes, all the pain she's caused!" She explained, her back now facing her nervous girlfriend. "I k-know,I just think your taking thing to fast!" Y/n trying to shyly explain her thoughts, but also wanting to comfort her, wanting to cuddle her, rub her back and let her tears mess up her nightgown. "No, you don't know, Y/n!" Caitlyn shouted, soft tears running down her face before she could wipe them away. After a short silence that felt like hours before, 'Commander' Kiramman's voice filled the room. "I want your workspace gone by the end of the day, I expect you out of this building and back home." The Commander ordered, not asked, ordered her, before heading straight to the door. Cause she was no longer 'your' Caitlyn.

A/n: Yall, did I eat?🫣 I'm working on some other Arcane writings like Ambessa, Jinx&Isha(My babieess😭). But if you have any ideas just leave them in the comments.

-Bye Bye🧁

Finished: 10:00( 11/30/24)

[gremlinmodetweeker]

I don't know if you're taking request right now, so please excuse me if this is bad timing. The way you right Simon is so, so, so, well. Your Ghost Icks and that other one-shot of him buying a snake was chefs kiss. You capture him unlike the other writers here. My request is about relationships, how would a first kiss between Ghost and the reader would be? It can be in any scenario really. Like a fifth or sixth date (if they go on one). I apologize if this ask is not of your time.

Okay so I'm so so sorry for this taking so much time, but I think this little ficlet took a bit longer to put together than I expected. Sometimes I get a little mental block and for some reason I just kept getting stuck! However, I figured that this might be a good little story to work with, so enjoy this little drabble I wrote!

“Simon?”

“Yeah?”

“Why aren’t you inside?”

Your boyfriend shifted side to side as he tried to think of a reasonable answer. Anything would be ncier than the truth. Anything would be easier, but how could he tell you?

“I just like lookin’ at the stars,” Simon whispered as you stepped out to stand on the balcony with him.

“Didn’t take you for much of an astronomer,” you muttered as you carefully stood by his side.

“I’m not,” he chuffed.

You gave him a tight smile, “I know.”

Simon’s eyes crawled over your form before darting back to the warm light coming from indoors. A peel of laughter fluttered against the glass door, muffled by snow outside.

“You should go back in,” Simon said quietly.

“But I want to spend time with my boyfriend,” you said back, “that’s not a crime, is it?”

Simon shook his head silently.

You smiled and carefully leaned against the freezing metal railing, careful to not let the snow soak into your clothes.

“You know,” you started quietly, “you don’t have to pretend to be happy for me.”

Simon scowled, “I’m not pretending anything.”

You frowned, “Si, I’m not mad. It’s okay to not be okay.”

Simon rolled his eyes, “You’re going and giving me the therapy talk again?”

You huffed.

“I’m not giving you the ‘therapy talk’,” you looked out to the cold streets below, “I’m worried about you.”

“That’s a first,” Simon sniffed.

“I always care about you,” you retorted.

“You do,” Simon acquiesced, “not everybody else.”

“But what about all your squadmates? They really seem to like you,” you offered as you held out a hand for his.

Simon looked at your hand and glanced away, “I guess. But I don’t have much else. Not like you.”

You let your hand drop back to your side, “Is that what this is about?”

Simon hung his head down to his chest.

“They care about you too,” you offered, “just because they’re my family it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you too.”

“Seeing them all so happy…” Simon shook his head, “it’s different.”

“Different than your home?” you offered.

“Very,” Simon agreed.

A siren screamed by in the distance as a crowd of college students laughed below you. The warm city lights glowed like bright stars running along the streets, twinkling in the night with a friendly wink. Down the road you could see the traffic lights changing to red.

“Does it hurt?” you asked quietly.

“Always,” Simon admitted.

You watched a woman push her baby stroller through the snow below you.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“You shouldn’t be sorry for being happy,” Simon grumbled.

“But what about-”

“Don’t care,” Simon grunted, “don’t be sorry for being happy.”

You nodded and crossed your arms over your chest.

You looked out over the skyline with a faint smile, “I know it’s hard, but it means a lot that you came over. I don’t know if I could do this on my own.”

Simon looked at you quizzically, “It looks like you’re enjoying yourself in there.”

“Well,” you shrugged, “every family has its problems, and we have ours. It’s sometimes hard listening to my uncle saying some things, and I hate seeing how my aunt treats my other uncle. It’s hard, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

“Me being here helps that how?” Simon asked.

“Well, you got me out here, right?” you chuckled and took reached out your hand again.

Simon looked down at your hand and smiled. He took it into his and squeezed it lightly, “I guess I did.”

“You’re not all bad, you know,” you kissed the back of his hand before letting your hands drop down together.

“I hope not,” Simon let out a long breath through his nose.

“You’re not,” you affirmed and stepped close to his side, “I promise.”

Simon looked out at the skyline before looking back down at you. He smiled and brushed your hair to the side of your ear.

“You’re too good for me,” he whispered.

“I’m only as good as you are,” you replied with a small smile.

Simon rested his forehead against yours, warming your face with his tired breath. You reached up to run your hand through the back of his short-cropped hair and sighed.

“If we’re only as good as each other, then maybe both of us are damned,” Simon said under his breath.

“Then let’s be damned together,” you reached up and tugged him close.

His lips were hard, cracked, chapped with age and cigarettes and pain. You took all of it into your heart as you kissed him back. He wove a hand behind the back of your head and held you close, almost as though he was afraid of what would happen if he let go. When he pulled back, his eyes were half-closed and tired.

“You okay now?” you asked.

“Better,” Simon gruffed, “but only just a bit.”

“Do you wanna go back in yet?” you asked.

Simon glanced behind him before shaking his head, “Give me another ten.”

You traced a line of muscle down his neck to below his coat.

You looked up at him hopefully, “Can I kiss you again?”

Simon nodded and leaned in close, “As much as you like.”

[fischyplier]

As good as dropout has been for representation is for everyone else, Trans women don't have *Any* good rep there unfortunately. Outside of one npc made to be a girlfriend for a transmasc player and a dickjoke being nothing else (Brennan gleefully laughed about it and said look it up in the adventuring party), one season with one trans woman (Which I would be happy for but comedy and TTRPG spaces are full of trans women, and they have 4 transmasc, both trans men and nonbinary folks, reoccurring participants as well, but only ever one transfem person to show up once in Dirty laundry and once in D20? That screams bias.) and her showing up in dirty laundry to be treated as the one everyone else guessed for all the sexual answers (Ew. Just ew) Dropout isn't really good representation for trans women and it's heartbreaking to see that when compared to everyone saying how much of a bastion of representation it is, then seeing nothing but the typical bullshit that's targeting us. I don't think it's done out of malice but it's certainly noticeable if you care. And no, drag queens are not the same as trans women. They could have been transfem but we don't know for certain. I want dropout to do better, but the company has been silent and the fandom has been hostile to us for saying so.

Thank you for taking the time to write this and educating me. On my recent gif post, I was happy about Black representation during Misfits and Magic 2. I can totally understand your disappointment towards Dropout. And I hope in the near future they can give your community the representation it deserves!

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

Lucifer the cat

Ivy asks Jace and Harry Badun to go get Carlos for her, and they have barely any choice but to oblige. But hey, at least they’ll finally give Carlos back his cat.

Technically a bonus scene for Dead Beauty AU, but I think it can be read separately. I hope.

For @hannahhook7744! I hope you like it! ♥♥♥

„Harry! Jace!“ Ivy’s shrill voice sounds through the Hell Hall and Jace Badun sighs.

„Come here!“

Not a heartbeat later, Diego calls out too:

„It’s urgent!“

Of course it is.

Of fucking course it is.

Still, Jace has little to no choice but to come – well, his other choice is not coming and risking the deVil heirs complaining to their Auntie. And, well, Jace likes his ears working and also still attached to his body, thank you.

So, he puts down the rag he was using to shine some of Cruella’s, eh, decorations, and sets out to find his cousin: Ivy did call for both of them, and he is not paid enough to deal with this alone.

…Actually, he’s not paid at all.

Not that anyone asked.

He locates Harry easily enough, and doesn’t bother looking for his dad or uncle – if they’re in the villa, they heard, and if they’re out running errands for Cruella, they won’t be home for hours.

„What did she want?“ Harry asks as they walk, and even that question echoes. That’s just a thing Hell Hall does, and Jace should be used to that after all this time.

Still, this house just gives him creeps.

„I’m sure we will find out soon enough,“ he grunts out in between his teeth, trying to hide his irritability.

You see, one can never tell where Ivy’s requests will land: It may be anything from „I want the new issue of this fashion magasine“ through „I run out of the Overgrowths tea mix“ (which she regularly tries to poison herself with) to „Hey yeah help me get rid of this body real quick.“

„It’s not another body, is it,“ whispers Harry, as they’re nearing the apartment Ivy currently uses.

And, yeah, hopefully not:

„Diego could handle that,“ answers Jace.

„Yeah, you’re right.“

Both cousins know what Diego de Vil is capable of, and neither wish to discuss it; the fall into silence, which lasts up until they finally find Ivy. And Diego.

And – somehow unsurprisingly – Claudine Frollo, who sits curled up into Ivy.

Jace doesn’t bother with greetings.

„What did you want?“ he asks flatly.

Only now the de Vils drop the horrendous talk about each other’s situationships –

 Somehow undisturbed by their presence <i>or</i> by Claudine’s – and Diego adresses them:

„You need to find Carlos and tell him to see us in the tree house, as soon as he can,“ he informs them, „Tell him, I don’t know. Tell him we’ve got his cat or something.“

Oh, what a joy.

Jace just hopes Cruella didn’t yet hear about her wayward son, and that she never will; Harry subtly nudges him to look at the empty weapon’s case. Jace thinks that if he ignores that hard enough, it will not become his problem.

Well, desperately hopes, more like.

„We do have his cat,“ he says instead of that, and bites his lip instead of adding  „You know that, right?“ because of course they don’t.

The cat probably wouldn’t have survived Hell Hall otherwise.

Actually very possibly wouldn’t survive, based on the face Claudine is pulling.

(Jace had thought they might have Frollo’s daughter’s sympathies, once, but he had stopped trying to catch her eye a long time ago.)

„You do?“

Yeah, Jace isn’t the slightest bit surprised they didn‘t know, he elbows Harry for not bothering to hide his snort of amusement.

„Well, good for you, I suppose,“ Ivy sighs, barely bothering to pretend like she cares, „Now go get him.“

She shooes at them with her cigarette and in that moment she looks so much like her aunt that both cousins only just manage not to flinch.

They get out of her rooms without another word.

„So Carlos is back, huh,“ Harry says when they’re safely out of hearing range.

„Guess he is.“

There isn’t much more to say.

„Did you hear anything?“

You see, news travel fast on the Isle.

Jace has to think about that for a moment: Hermie hadn’t said anything, the half street rat that she is, but Yzla:

„Yzla said there was some commotion at the salon last time she was there – maybe it could be related?“

For, you see: Villain kids drama always ends up at the Tremaine salon.

(And Yzla, being a Villain kid herself, she would know.)

„Probably,“ agrees Harry half-heartedly. They don’t speak again, as neither wants to confront their feelings about the youngest de Vil returning, they don’t speak until they reach the run-down room in the darker entrails of Hell Hall that they share.

„Pspspspsps, Lucifer, good kitty-cat, psps,“ Jace whispers to the room while Harry ruffles around to find his boxer and knife – Isle streets are tough and the so-called sidekick privledge only goes so far.

The only answer is the vaguely murder-y hissing of the cat.

Still, following the sound, Jace bends down to look under the bed and sure enough: Lucifer is there, his eyes glowing as his namesake’s.

„Come here,“ Jace sighs, reaching under the bed. He doesn’t flinch or even hiss when the cat scratches him bloody.

„You! You are going back to Carlos, you know that!“

Nevermind how Yzla will pout at losing the kitty she could play with anytime, Jace and Harry will be happy to have the animal out of their hair.

Finally, the cat captured, Jace slowly gets up from his knees, and looks at his cousin.

„Let’s go?“ Harry says it as a question.

Jace nods.

„They’ll probably be at the Bargain Castle.“

What with it being deserted.

Mercifully, the walk to the marketplace and the desolate castle is quick, and when they knock on the front door, Evie opens them.

She flutters her eyelashes at them, at which Jace is pretty unimpressed but Harry straightens his back, and before she can speak, Jace says: „We’re looking for Caros.“

Evie purses her lips, annoyed that he doesn’t want to play her little game, but steps aside to let them in. 

„He’s in the tower with Mal. You know, to the throne room, all the way to the left, and all the way up.“

They don’t know, actually.

„And keep that cat away from the potions ingredients,“ she says with a nod towards Lucifer, „And my wardrobe, will you.“ She doesn’t bother phrasing it like a question either.

So, yeah. Into the Bargain Castle it is. And if you ask Jace, this place is every last bit as creepy as the Hell Hall – maybe more so, in its unfamiliarness.

They do reach the tower easily, and knock on the door with an old sign of Mal’s name soon enough.

Carlos opens the door.

They stare at each other for few awkward moments, surprised to actually see one another after so long. Eventually, Jace decides to bite the bullet: „Your cousins want to see you,“ he blurts out. Few more awkward beats of silence, and: „Also, we have your cat.“

Finally, that does get a reaction out of Carlos, and the ice breaks. They leave for Hell Hall soon after, mission accomplished, leaving the cat and Mal hissing at each other.

Still safer for Lucifer than Hell Hall, Jace supposes.

[lawofangie]

hey, i need your advice. i know that we're supposed to affirm 'to remind' ourselves that we already have our desire and not affirm 'to get' which is thinking that doing the method will make the desire manifest. but, now every time after i affirm i can't stop questioning if i'm reminding myself or doing it to get, and it's been really stressful and idk how to resolve this.

then just try another method? lol, if something is clearly not beneficial to you, then don't do it. if i had to choose between stressing myself out and not stressing myself out, i would choose to not stress myself out.

there's nothing to "resolve". you make it sound like you need to affirm. affirming isn't mandatory in order to manifest, some people just aren't smart enough to understand the law and spread misinformation. the law of assumption wouldn't be called the law of assumption if it was about affirmations. the end goal is always to get yourself to assume you have it.

this is why you're told not to affirm to get, because you're supposed to assume you already have it. you affirm to help remind yourself for that same reason, you have to accept whatever it is as a present tense fact in order to have it.

still, affirmations are nothing but a method to help you have an easier time accepting whatever it is as a present tense fact. but so is visualizating, scripting, SATS, inner conversations, and i guess the void state stuff too (even though i really hate that method, it is still just a method).

when doing anything, a method is supposed to be whatever makes accomplishing that thing easiest for you. if that's not what you're currently doing, then why keep doing it?

i'll give you a non-loa example of this: let's say you were trying to make a traditional dish from any culture of your choice. if you found a certain recipe, you followed the instructions, and it turned out bad, would you try that same thing again until it came out well.. or would you just accept that this one isn't the best and try following a new recipe? i feel like it should be this simple, common sense should tell you to try something else.

and besides, you shouldn't waste your time going back and forth in your mind, otherwise there's no point in choosing to manifest anything. in the end, all that will ever matter is if you decide that you have it, or you don't have it. that's why everyone says "you either have it or you don't"... because you either have it or you don't.

all that will ever matter is your current assumptions. whatever you assume in this present moment is all that matters. the present is all that exists, as the past and future are something you access mentally.

with that in mind, if you say you're struggling to manifest, you don't have it right now. if you say you're making progress, you don't have it right now. if you say you're doing anything other than having it, you don't have it right now. this is how simple the law is. you have to decide you have it in order to have it. no amount of affirmations will change that singular rule.

but back to your question, this doesn't really matter as long as you don't identify with it. however, i think you should always be aware of your own intentions, i think you also know the answer if you have to question yourself like that. you are most likely affirming to get, because that kind of is the end goal, a lot of you just go about it the wrong way without understanding the key concepts of the law.

there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to get something, but understanding that you have to already claim it as yours in order to have it is important. it deviates from everything you've been taught your entire life (ex: needing to work hard in order to achieve your goals, needing to put in effort, good things coming to those who wait, any concept similar to this in general).

this is why so many of you get stuck in that mindset of needing to say 192733919222626992 affirmations in order to get what you want. because a lot of a&p individuals prioritize affirming so much to the point where you forget the key concepts of the law or don't care to learn. you take all the non-loa rules you've been taught and try to apply them to something you don't fully understand, then wonder why it doesn't work.

so, to summarize:

try to find what method works for you. maybe even not using a method at all and just deciding would be more beneficial to you. this is something you need to figure out on your own.

figure out your intentions. but if you need to question yourself, you most likely are affirming to get. you need to understand the law of assumption and how to properly utilize it, or you won't get anywhere.

the only thing that will ever matter is your assumptions, hence the name "law of assumption". whatever you assume to be true will be true. any method you use is just a means to help you comfortably assume something. a method is simply a way of doing something in order to help you achieve something. no method has ever had more significance than the goal you are trying to achieve.

doubts only matter if you identify with them, just like any other thought you have. if you apply meaning to them, they will have a meaning.

don't bother trying to apply logic or rules to manifesting, it doesn't work. you are just wasting your time.

don't do things you aren't comfortable with? this should honestly go without saying.

that's it, if you have anymore questions, don't hesitate to ask. hope this helps.

[xtinyslip]

"OH, I WILL BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEE IT. HOW COULD YOU? I'M SURE YOU'RE NOT PRIVY TO A LOT OF WHAT HAPPENS OUTSIDE OF HERE. ARE YOU? IF SHE'S NOT LIKE MY SIDE OF THAT FAMILY. HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN HOW SHE'S IN CAHOOTS WITH MY FATHER? HM?" the two of them and their secret family meetings. she was just like them. it was strange how when she said them, she wasn't talking about herself ; not that she was letting herself be fully aware of that yet. "you said it yourself, yes? no one lasts that long around me. what makes you so different. hm?" her head tilting. yes, she fully expected him to answer. cee was very prepared to snap over him, to tell him it wasn't possible. that she would never have trusted anyone with that information. that required a level of opening up to someone that she had never reached but… he knew. how could he possibly know any of that? no one knew. no one cared enough to know. "that's --" she wanted to tell him it was a good guess or -- ANYTHING, other than to face whatever this meant for her but… it couldn't have been a guess. for him to say that, to know exactly how her father made her feel. he knew about the room? "what is this? what i am not seeing? how -- is this a test?" was this her father's work? because as far as she was concerned, there was only one other person who knew what he had just said and that was her father. no, she told herself it couldn't be. "do you really think i'm that insecure? i would attempt to murder a CHILD? because you wished to spend time with them? you must be aware of how that sounds?" she wasn't going to claim she understood it, she didn't know what a normal parent/child relationship was like. "it doesn't look like i have a choice but to trust you." would she leave it all behind? the strange thing was it genuinely hadn't occurred to her once, until he had mentioned it. once he had, it was like that thought had already developed lasting roots inside of her. like it had always been there. "… i don't get to leave." would her father ever let her? and disgrace the family name by disowning it? him? it was like she knew how bad it could get, even though in her memories it had never happened. she sensed it. "YOU SAY YOU CAN HANDLE ME BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN HANDLE ME LOOKING AT YOU? WHAT ARE YOU SO WORRIED ABOUT?" why couldn't she look away? it was simple. she talked herself through it in her head, and when it came to tearing her eyes away from him. it was like she was refused. "I EXPECT TO STILL HAVE THAT CAKE. i want the satisfaction of putting it in the bin when i get to my apartment." would she? well, she couldn't just admit now that she wanted to eat it. she shouldn't be smiling over it but right now she couldn't help but grin back against his mouth. it annoyed her that his grin was catching or at least, she wanted to be annoyed but all of that was fading away. the closer they got, the harder it got to deny that somehow… she knew him. she knew how he felt, she knew how he tasted, she knew… everything and at the same time, it was out of her reach still, like she didn't know anything at all BUT SHE DID. "you were not foolish enough to turn that into a competition. were you? you know i will win. i hate you THAT much." her one hand twisted tightly into his hair, suddenly she was starting to wonder how the hell she had been able to ever breath without him? her lips crashing back against his, pressing her back against the side of the elevator as she tried to pull him as tightly to her as she could. @fcdcdmcmories

"DON'T, OKAY? SHE'S... SHE'S NOTHING LIKE THAT. SHE'S NOT A PEDERSON IN ANYTHING BUT THE NAME. SHE WASN'T RAISED ONE. SHE'S DIFFERENT AND.. KINDER. she loves our kid. i've seen it. she's nothing like the other side of your family." shaking his head, as he found himself scoffing again. was she in this much denial because she was well aware that he was RIGHT? because she knew that he had seen right through her defences? or.. had he? "i did. i did last long enough to see all of it. or.. i think that i did. maybe it was all a lie too. MAYBE I ONLY SAW WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO SEE." he stopped for a second, unable to.. well, fight her on that. no, it wasn't a subject that he would ever use against her. not when - no matter what had happened after that, no matter what she was and no matter what she had done - he knew how much it had taken for her to tell him that in the first place. "i know.. i know what he's capable of. YOU TOLD ME ALL OF IT. what he did to you.. after your mother died. the room. how he'd keep you there sometimes, for.. weeks at a time, without.. anything to eat. ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE. YOU ALWAYS SAID THAT.. YOU FELT LIKE YOU COULDN'T BREATH WHEN YOU WERE AROUND HIM. that you were suffocating. that the only time that you felt like you could breath was when you were with.. me." his words did something strange. for a second there, it was as if something flashed right before his eyes - the sight of a coffin and the sight of dirt where.. something - or someone - had been buried. AND DREAD. A WHOLE LOT OF DREAD, THERE AND THEN. fuck? what the hell was that? he shook his head, trying to shake the thought away. "i didn't.. i.. it... if not you, then.. no, it doesn't make sense. it had to be you. you didn't want my attention anywhere else. you already hurt gabriela once. i-- it makes sense." did it? because.. if he wasn't so caught up in the situation, maybe he would have seen that he was just repeating the words that elaine had told him back then. wasn't he? when she placed her hand over his mouth, he froze-- startled by.. the proximity. "i.. i wouldn't tell anyone. it's funny - you.. you never said that until here, but.. I KNEW IT EVEN BEFORE. I KNOW YOU'D LEAVE THAT NAME BEHIND IF YOU COULD. him." she hadn't needed to tell him anything - he had known. hadn't he? yes. it had all been there and as clear as day to him. perhaps it still was. he knew that. "well, then.. i.. i... look away! i don't know -- just.. STOP THAT! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE YOU USED TO!" because it was making him feel like he used to and that was dangerous. with what she had done? yes, it was. it was. "oh, i'm sorry - i'm not the one that lost her shit over a damned cake, am i? WHICH - FOR THE RECORD - I KNOW IS YOUR FAVOURITE. NO NEED TO LIE. not when i've baked one for you a lot of other times before. i know. i know you." he hated it. hated the way that he found himself grinning against her mouth, hated the way that he pulled her closer on instinct and how it felt like he could finally breath. it wasn't mean to be like that - he was meant to HATE HER. "NO WAY. I HATE YOU WAY MORE. YOU'RE THE ACTUAL FUCKING BANE OF MY EXISTENCE." he meant the actual opposite and perhaps, the way that he moved forward again to crash his lips against hers desperately showed that much. / @xtinyslip

[starflungwaddledee]

Have you noticed that Red Butterfly is keep following you?

And no, most of the butterflies don't follow anyone but scents of nectar.

starstruck regained +5 points of emotional health! she remembered this is meant to be an adventure, and looks forward to seeing some exciting things! just not this particular butterfly, it seems.

<< prev || [masterpost] || next >> additional ask by @maybeher0

[lumilama]

Well, I can certainly speak German so this was a breeze.

First, I tried to do a frequency analysis, but then, I recognized these symbols as runes, making this process useless. I pulled up a table of the runes and their names and started writing the rune names over every rune.

Using the first letter of each name, I got 'Guten' and upon continuing this with the other words, I got the following German text: (some letters have been modified to make it readable and make it make sense)

"Guten Tag Herr Holmes. Me[i]n Name ist Loki. K[önn]en Sie Deutsch und Alteresfutark (not so sure what that is)? Nur e[i]n kle[i]nes R[ä]tsel f[ü]r [Z]wis[c]hendurch.

Aweben auf Dreben wor kenben auf wierben. - I do not know what this sentence means, it doesn't resemble any German words I know. Maybe a dialect or a Skandinavien language

Um [w]as f[ü]r eine Situation hande[lt] es si[c]h? I[c]h erwarte ihre Antwor[t] auf ihrem Blo[g].

[V]iel Spa[ß]

Loki Laufeeson"

Which translates to:

"Good day mister Holmes. My name is Loki. Can you speak German and Alteresfutark (not sure what this is)? Aweben auf Dreben wor Kenben auf wierben (I do not know what this means). What kind of a situation is this about? I await your answer on your blog.

Have fun,

Loki Laufeeson"

---

My guess is that 'Alteresfutark' is the old language or alphabet which was used to encrypt this (alt means old, like 'Altgriechisch' is the old greek language).

I don't really have any idea what the sentence in the middle could be, it definitely bears some resemblance to German, but isn't quite similar enough to any other words for me to connect it. Perhaps it's a Skandinavian language or a German dialect I do not know.

And dear Loki, Versuch nächstes Mal eine sicherere Verschlüsselung zu wählen. Das, was am längsten gedauert hat war, alles wieder zu übersetzen :D

~ LL

Are you bored lately? Do you have case at the moment ? Are you aroace ? Do you want a riddle?

Those are many questions for one ask. I am working on a case, but I couldn't solve it yet. It's irritating. I'm waiting for more information about the case from the police and the labs. It's tedious, I've a case but I'm bored with waiting.

I'm always ready for a riddle.

-SH