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persephoneflouwers · 2 years ago

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Besties, you seem to be about fic recs lately, so… Do you have a list of fics you would love to see as movies/tv series?

Best fic request ever!

I don’t want to sound repetitive but I can’t not mention all the fics in my bookmarks (x) and actually the most famous ones. We had a teaser of TTS with adore you lol but it would make such a pretty movie. Escapade could be the best gay romcom of this century with the right director and screenwriter. Young&beautiful of course… Bloodsport is the perfect tv series Twitter would support like crazy (more movie-able than unbelievers in my head). Buuuut *clears her throat* here’s my list, based on absolutely zero competence to analyse critically any screen adaptation of books and fics, but these fics just have something I would love to be brought to life, little details and/or descriptions that just would work for me.

Fic I would love as movies

ferricadooza! by suspendrs: this is already a cult for me. Set in 1963, homosexuality is illegal in the UK, Louis owns a gay bar, and Harry’s an underground boxing champion with an unfortunate enemy.

Come as you are by stylinsoncity: this story was meant as a director cut or something. The setting, the dialogues, the characters are so good and very original (especially Louis!). I think it would make a great movie (and there’s a sequel too, so you’ll have the fan service too lol).

Love is a rebellious bird by 100percentsassy, gloria_andrews: They are Orchestra prodigies, who start with the wrong foot. Lots of angst and lots of music talk.

Love after the end of the world by mercurial-madhouse ( @mercurial-madhouse ): a dystopian AU must be a movie. This one is the best I’ve read in fic form yet!

No pressure, no diamonds by karamelised: is it even my fic rec post if i don’t mention this fic? Look, it’s just pure enterteinment at some point. Thieves, heigh tech heist, ex to lovers drama. I love it.

You and all of heaven’s of other wonders by devilinmybrain ( @thedevilinmybrain ): Harry is an angel. Like a real angel sent from heaven to protect Louis. And Harry loves humans... maybe a bit too much. Heaven can’t have that.

Don’t want shelter by kingsofeverything ( @kingsofeverything ): Louis and Harry were childhood friends, but then something happens and they stopped talking. When Hurricane Nicole threatens the coast, they end up stuck together in their families' old vacation home that they co-own. During the storm, and in the months after, they’re both forced to reevaluate their history and what they mean to each other.

Cocaine for breakfast by guccikings: Louis has drug addiction, sent away from his beloved party-scene to recover. There, he discovers that small towns have just as much access to drugs as London did, plus something even better that he just can't get enough of. That something is a boy with green eyes and bouncy curls named Harry Styles. this gave me skins vibe, a bit of beautiful boy now that I think about it.

Like cranberries on a winter evening by 4ureyesonly28: no cause this would make such a perfect Christmas movie 🎄

On the edge by zanni_scaramouche: Louis is a figure skater and Harry is a Hockey player, they met at the Olympics. You’ll fall in love with them, the dynamics between them are just so cute and well described. Very unique setting too

Strangers Stars by shaylea: the safari fic. It’s probably the slowest slow burn I’ve ever read lmao but I think it would work as a movie. There are a lot of wild activities happening and obviously as a road trip the scenes would be full of incredible landscapes. Academy award for the photography incoming!

Drink and the devil had done the rest by fel:95: this is an Italian fic translated in English. Gay pirates cinematic universe? I’m ALL in.

Soft hands, fast feet, can’t lose by dolce_piccante: I think the world deserve a story where a quaterback falls in love with the boy from the ballet club.

Wild and unruly by 100percentsassy, gloria_andrews: this fic makes my heart melt. The cowboy fic featuring Louis in the vest of paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land and pregnant cows (i love cows so much).

Walk that mile by purpledaisy: the classic road trip. God, they’re both insufferable, yet so relatable

Victorian boy by audreyhheart: I read this long time ago, but I think it would work as movie. As the title suggests, it’s an historical book. Beautiful dresses, galateo, horses and the prettiest landscapes. Louis is an aristocrat who acts like a dandy. Love him

Into the blue by zarah5: the scuba diving fic! this would be funnnn

Someone to fly home to by kingsofeverything: This authore works are sublime, so literally anything would do. Silver fox Louis!!!!! Ex to lovers!!!! but also angsty and romanticly mature.

mine would be you by crinckled-eyed-boo ( @crinkle-eyed-boo ): this is a tough one, tons of angst, jealousy that made my stomach churns. The drama of it all would make a good movie 100%

Nothing but you on my mind by nonsensedarling: Royal AU with a little bit of spice.

If you read them and want to talk about, hit me up! 💖

#angie readers corner #fic rec #larry fic rec #fic as movies #is a producer consultant for movies or tv series lurking on tumblr?#i would pay with my own money for come as you are #and ferricadooza!#god how much i loved that fic #casella di posta numero 32

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hellomynameisbisexual · 3 years ago

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Since the very conception of the motion picture, the LGBT community have been represented on-screen in some form. An early example is Algie the Miner (1912), a short silent film which follows the effeminate Algie (Billy Quirk), who enjoys kissing cowboys. In order to marry someone’s daughter, he heads west to prove that he’s a man. While this is quite an outdated stereotype of being gay, the portrayals have varied greatly over time. Only recently is LGBT representation becoming more positive and common. However, when it comes to portraying bisexuality on-screen, it still seems to be a difficult task.

Many narrative tropes have been birthed through filmmakers trying to show sexuality on-screen and most of them contribute directly to the overall erasure of bisexuality in cinema – usually with ambiguous portrayals, negative stereotyping and characters needing to pick a side. Not all instances are problematic, but their prevalence isn’t helping to combat the stigma that bisexual people face. There are three main tropes when it comes to depicting bisexuality, which is infidelity, picking a side, and the horrible husband. They’re usually found together in a common narrative that erases bisexuality, whether intentional or not.

Infidelity

There��s a long-standing stereotype that bisexual people are more likely to cheat on their partners and are incapable of commitment. This is a trope that is heavily carried in some of the most well-known depictions of bisexuality. Typically, a female protagonist is engaged or married to a man, but she meets a lesbian woman and they become involved sexually and romantically, leaving the protagonist torn between two lovers. This happens in Imagine Me & You (2005) when Rachel (Piper Perabo) falls in love with lesbian flower shop owner Luce (Lena Headey), who provided the flowers for her wedding to Hector (Matthew Goode). It’s a fairly average film that could’ve been amazing had it acknowledged Rachel’s bisexuality, but it’s still one of the better ones considering Perabo and Headey have amazing chemistry.

For some reason, bisexual characters are often in serious relationships when they’re suddenly sexually awakened. This happened to Rachel right after her wedding because she happened to meet the right woman. While this type of experience does happen in real life, it’s always the go-to narrative for films about women realizing they’re not one-hundred-percent straight. In these instances, the same-sex love affair acts as the conflict within the narrative – this can create good drama when done right, but it gets boring and bisexual characters deserve better than constantly being portrayed as cheaters. People are not more promiscuous or likely to cheat on their partners because of their sexuality, but these tropes are constantly telling people otherwise.

We deserve to see bisexual characters whose sexuality isn’t the main narrative focus or who at least explore their sexuality outside of a relationship. Appropriate Behaviour (2014) is a good example of this as Shirin (Desiree Akhavan, who is also the film’s writer and director) is a bisexual Persian American woman who is keeping her sexuality a secret from her judgemental family, while also attempting to rebuild her life after breaking up with her girlfriend. Seeing bisexuality portrayed on-screen is another place where people pick up more stigma or acceptance, and with bisexuality it, unfortunately, seems to be the former. This is why bisexual filmmakers like Akhavan are better suited to portraying the experiences of bisexual men and women than others.

Picking A Side

When the protagonist is in conflict with her sexuality, the people around her usually wonder if she’s a lesbian now – despite them being engaged or married to a man. This can be seen in Below Her Mouth (2010) where Jasmine (Natalie Krill) begins having an affair with Dallas (Erika Linder). When her husband finds out, he tells her “You’re a lesbian” but she tells him that she loves him and nothing has changed between them. It seems impossible to grasp that a person could be attracted to both men and women. Bisexuality is erased.

Some films insinuate that the protagonist isn’t necessarily bisexual or even a lesbian, it’s just that they’re attracted to this one woman only and no others – they’re an exception! This is the kind of impression you get from Below Her Mouth, but also from other films such as Imagine Me & You and Elena Undone (2010), which isn’t particularly helpful for lesbian representation either. In Imagine Me & You, Rachel tells Hector “You are my best friend. That was enough before, and it will be enough again.” This implies that Rachel was never truly attracted to him in a romantic sense, thus implying that she’s a lesbian. While this could be a case of compulsory heteronormativity, it seems problematic as it’s never discussed or explained. Avoiding discussions about sexuality – as most of these films do – are what contribute to this trope massively and result in misinterpretation and erasure.

Films as new as Netflix’s Alex Strangelove (2018) also feed into the idea that bisexuality is a stepping stone to picking a side. Alex (Daniel Doheny) prepares to lose his virginity to his girlfriend but finds his plans derailed when he’s attracted to another boy. He spends most of the film questioning his sexuality and at one point thinks he’s bisexual. The film does highlight biphobia which brings attention to this problem, so it’s disheartening at the end when Alex realizes he is gay and not bisexual after all. The set up for Alex Strangelove was perfect for a bisexual love story and, while it’s still positive LGBT representation, it’s a shame it didn’t stick with that. It’s even rarer to see bisexual men portrayed on-screen, so it would’ve been really rewarding.

It’s important to acknowledge that bisexuality is a comfortable place for some people to be while they’re trying to accept that they are gay – and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, there still seems to be some widespread discomfort when it comes to sexuality being fluid. For bisexual people, there isn’t any side to pick – they’re not torn between polar opposites, nor are they confused. They aren’t on the fence, they’re on both sides of the fence. Nevertheless, films continue to portray bisexuality as a personal conflict that needs resolving, and it does this by putting bisexual characters in a situation where they’re having affairs. This makes their sexuality the narrative conflict, which is wholly problematic in itself.

The Horrible Husband

The protagonist’s fiancé or husband is usually abusive or passive in the relationship, and thus portrayed as the antagonist. She is then drawn to a lesbian woman who treats her so much better and gives her the attention she deserves. Sometimes it’s as though these films are saying that lesbianism is the cure for a dissatisfying heterosexual relationship. This contributes to bisexual erasure by suggesting that bisexual women can only be happy with women and never with a man because they’re horrible or not good enough. It also perpetuates the idea of picking a side – almost telling bisexuals that they should just be lesbians instead.

This trope is found in films like Elena Undone, where Elena (Necar Zadegan) meets Peyton (Traci Dinwiddie) who is a famous lesbian writer. Elena’s husband Barry (Gary Weeks), however, is a homophobic pastor. Elena Undone is actually loosely based on director Nicole Conn’s real-life romance with Marina Rice Bader, but the film itself isn’t great. It’s also shown in The World Unseen (2007) as Miriam (Lisa Ray) quietly follows the customs of 1950s South Africa, alongside dealing with her abusive husband Omar (Parvin Dabas). Miriam becomes empowered to change her circumstances when she meets and falls in love with free-spirited cafe owner Amina (Sheetal Sheth).

A much better film that deals with this trope is Bound (1996). Lesbian ex-con Corky (Gina Gershon) arrives at an apartment building to start work as a painter and plumber. She soon finds herself being seduced by Violet (Jennifer Tilly) who lives next door with her boyfriend Caesar (Joe Pantoliano). Violet explains that they’ve been together for five years and he’s a money launderer for the mafia. She wants to escape and make a new life for herself, so she and Corky plan to steal $2 million of Mafia money and blame it on Caesar. The horrible husband trope actually works well in this film because the women plan to screw Caesar over and it doesn’t use Violet’s infidelity as the main narrative conflict – it’s a lot more original, which isn’t surprising as the first directorial feature film from the Wachowski Sisters. Bound would’ve been much less effective if Caesar was just a regular guy who Violet hated, but she has a better motive with the drama surrounding his violent mafia connections.

These three tropes are collectively the entire plot of Imagine Me & You, Elena Undone, The World Unseen, I Can’t Think Straight (2008), Kiss Me (2011) and more. It’s a shame that there isn’t always a huge focus on the actual relationship between the two women in these films. It’s more about them hiding their relationship and because they officially get together at the end, we never get to see much of what their life is like as a couple. They all feature very similar themes, meaning that when it comes to telling the stories of bisexual characters, the narrative is rarely diverse. Romantic comedies in general always follow the same beats which is fine, but these tropes for bisexual characters either erase their sexuality and/or display it as a problem.

These tropes can still work well (like with Bound) depending on certain aspects of the narrative. Infidelity works well in Carol (2015) due to the 1950s setting. Carol (Cate Blanchett), who is in the process of divorcing her horrible husband, and Therese (Rooney Mara) have to hide their relationship due to homosexuality not being accepted during this time. This adds an extra layer to the narrative, giving actual depth to why things are happening the way that they are. There’s also Disobedience (2017) where it works well due to the Orthodox Jewish culture. Ronit (Rachel Weisz), who is considered bisexual, returns to the community for her father’s funeral to find her childhood friend Esti (Rachel McAdams) married to a man. Esti describes herself as a lesbian woman in a relationship with a man, which is disheartening but works in the film’s world. Disobedience also plays through the infidelity trope very differently to other films, allowing it to be more effective.

The Erasure

In films with bisexual characters, it’s rare that the word “bisexual” actually comes up. It’s mostly ambiguous, implied or erased completely by the protagonist seemingly picking a side. It’s constantly reinforced by narrative tropes that are set up for dramatic entertainment, with no real intention of representing sexuality with genuine care. Erasure also happens due to words like “gay” being used as an umbrella term when referring back to certain films. Brokeback Mountain (2005) and Call Me By Your Name (2017), for example, are often referred to as gay films on social media due to the gay relationships portrayed, However, the characters are portrayed to be sexually fluid/bisexual due to the nature of their relationships with women. It also happens with films like Blue Is the Warmest Colour (2014) which is always painted as a lesbian love story when Adèle (Adèle Exarchopoulos) is clearly bisexual. It’s not necessarily bad to use gay and lesbian as umbrella terms, but it, unfortunately, does contribute to bisexual erasure. We should be bringing more attention to bisexuality on-screen and pointing it out specifically when we see it.

One of the biggest erasures is the portrayal of bisexual men. They appear much less frequently than bisexual women. The most recent example that comes to mind is Jake Gyllenhaal’s character in Velvet Buzzsaw (2019), but the word bisexual was never used and he was portrayed as being promiscuous, which fits into the negative stereotype (although the film is satire so perhaps it can be excused). Some better, or at least more interesting, depictions of bisexual men are still out there and can be found in films such as Velvet Goldmine (1998), Kaboom (2010), The Comedian (2012), The Lobster (2015) and Moonlight (2016).

If anything, bisexual characters are usually left out of the bury your gays/dead lesbian syndrome trope. It’s very common both in film and television for gay men and lesbian women to be killed off in some dramatic way, such as in Brokeback Mountain, The Fox (1967), Les Biches (1968), Lost and Delirious (2001) and A Single Man (2009). Bisexual women have been killed off quite a bit in television – like Marissa Cooper (Mischa Barton) in The O.C. – but they’re relatively safe in film and hopefully, it’ll stay that way.

Acknowledging Bisexuality

It is disheartening that bisexual representation on-screen isn’t as good or as frequent as gay and lesbian representation. We’re also at a time where it could be massively improved, but now we face the barrier of “queer” as another umbrella term. It’s wholly unhelpful when not everyone identifies with it and when we want bisexual characters to say the word bisexual on-screen. We want to be acknowledged. Bisexual actress Stephanie Beatriz made sure her bisexual character in Brooklyn Nine-Nine got to say it earlier this year, because that word means something to certain people and the impact is great. Hopefully this will start to happen more in film going forward.

There are definitely films out there where the word bisexual is actually said, like in Appropriate Behaviour, Kiss Me, Velvet Goldmine and Margarita with a Straw (2014). It’s rare that we hear it so when we do it’s pretty exciting. In addition to these, other films that feature positive and/or complex portrayals of bisexual characters in general (and not the previously discussed tropes) are: Cabaret (1972), Chasing Amy (1997), Black Swan (2010), Atomic Blonde (2017) and Tully (2018).

There have been many positive and negative depictions of bisexuality, but the majority of them aren’t great or feed into the biphobia and the erasure of the identity. Filmmakers need to do better when it comes to portraying bisexual characters and their stories. It’s always helpful when bisexual people themselves get a voice, whether as writers, directors or actors. For some reason, although there are exceptions, most straight male and lesbian filmmakers have trouble portraying bisexuality both positively and accurately. They essentially give the message that bisexuality doesn’t exist or is an inner conflict that needs to be resolved. We must do better because one day someone will be watching a film where a character says “bisexual” and their life will suddenly fall into place.

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plongitudes · 3 years ago

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Just read a Reddit comment/thread saying that making Arthur bi would be unrealistic because “homosexuality was just not accepted during those times” and Arthur is too masculine to be bi or gay.

First of all: even if things weren’t accepted, homosexuality and bisexuality still existed in the same prevalence.

Second of all: masculine bi and gay men fucking exist. Bi men with a preference for women exist too actually, they are still bi (so Arthur only having canon relationships with women but still being bi is completely realistic) Bi men who are masculine and perform masculinity in the socially accepted way of the current year exist and definitely existed in 1899. There is nothing strange or unrealistic about this.

Third of all, our understanding of the Wild West and the American Frontier has been dramatically whitewashed and puritanically “sanitized.” Yes, even with all of the violence the setting celebrates.

Homosexuality and “bachelor marriages” (two guys living together, in a relationship for all intents and purposes) were common in the Wild West— social events where men posed as the “feminine” in the setting for the fun of it (dancing with and kissing other men at the event) and homosexual sex out in the wilderness were facts of life and socializing. It was accepted. Maybe not with the same understandings we have today, but it was accepted as natural to want to bone down, and the only people around were guys, so you boned down with guys.

The ratio of women to men on the frontier was 1:3– maybe less. Country boys make do.

Now, was this talked about in the open? Were people performing their identity the same way we do today? No probably not. I actually don’t know! I’m really interested to know how these things were discussed in a casual setting back then. But “homosexuality” — gay sex — was absolutely a regular thing in the Wild West, and it didn't make cowboys less manly to be having sex with other men.

This is all google-able, and Rockstar definitely came across this in research, but Americans are so very sweet and tender for their precious image of masculinity and whiteness in the 1800s West. Apparently some historians have expressed that no one wants to admit or talk about it because it just makes modern audiences angry and stupid.

I’m not a historian or an authority on this, it’s just wild to me to see people just assume since it was “old times” and in “old times they were conservative” just assume that means people defined social interactions and sexuality the exact same we do today. Before 1900 things were very different as far as gender and sexuality goes— they did NOT have the same vocabulary we do (even the word homosexual wasn’t being used commonly until a little after 1900-ish, the first mention of it is 1869 [nice] GERMANY in a PAMPHLET nobody in the Americas was reading) and they certainly didn’t define things the same way.

To me it’s more likely that Rockstar didn’t include this because it would alienate a large/loud portion of their hyper modern masculine audience and not because of realism or accuracy. We already know they added more women and fewer depictions of racial hate crime because, well, modern audiences. I agree with that choice obviously, though something tells me the same audience they avoided homosexual narrative threads for would be totally cool with more “realistic” abuse towards women and POC staying in the game. Because those folks always love accuracy until it’s looking at them and theirs.

Feel free to correct me if you have contextual information or historical knowledge (id actually love to learn more about this) but if you’re just a Western fan who hasn’t done the reading on this topic specifically then dont bother responding

#rdr2 #Arthur Morgan #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption #long post #rambling #sorry I’m just!!! sometimes I love Reddit and sometimes I hate it

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jesuisgourde · 3 years ago

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gay/queer references in Peter’s journals

Again, I have probably missed stuff due to going through pretty quickly and also due to having stared at this document for so long, everything has kind of blurred together.

Sometime close to the day that Carlos & I watched 'Love And Death on Long Island' (and afterwards paraded through the tea rooms of Picadilly) we both filled in application forms and were tres excited to be invited to the same group 'interview' - twas more like an audition though. I got the part. Carlos never. This did not bring any animosity - we both know that success for either of us is magnified a million times if it is shared by us both.

from 'A Diamond Guitar' by Truman Capote "Except that they did not combine their bodies or think to do so, though such things were not unknown at the (Prison), they were as lovers. Of the seasons, spring is the most shattering: stalks thrusting through the earth's winter-stiffened crust, young leaves cracking out on old left-to-die branches, the falling asleep wind cruising through all the newborn green. And with Mr Schaeffer it was the same, a breaking up, a flexing of muscles that had hardened. It was late January. The friends were sitting on the steps of the sheep house, each with a cigarette in his hand. A moon thin and yellow as a piece of lemon rind curved above them, and under its light, threads of ground frost glistened like silver snail trails. Tico Feo had been drawn into himself - silent as a robber waiting in the shadows."

Then a meet with Bounds Green's African prince outside whitechapel tube, rugged lookies at I in military attire & to a ruptured Albion rooms tidied in hours and now lids drawn heated on the eyes. A young looking fella has a crush on me.

Jackie/Camillia/Marie/Kate/Chris/V. churchill Jackie/Evelina/Jasmine/Sachi/Dalston/Sussie Sandra/Carlene/FP/Jay/Dalston/Kraut

There sat a young black man, perhaps in his early or middle twenties. He looked for all the world like the archetypal rude boy. Clean, cheap reebok, nike, adidas variously rolled, laced & zipped about his lean, spreadeagled body that hung loosely about the waiting room chair. Gold & tattoos adorned his person, and a blank animal look was attached to his clear face. He sat before me in a row of four empty chairs, staring at polished floor or the mundane television. A balding white man minced in & all perceptions were suddenly proven to be false as they embraced and snuggled up to each other, giggling & whispering & touching each others noses.... very much in love, fingers crossed for the blood tests.

[Image: an article from Gay Times of an interview with Peter. For some reason, the portrait included alongside the article is of Carl wearing a grey and black t-shirt.] Name? Peter Doherty Age? 22 Where are you? I'm on the motorway just north of Southampton. What kind of day are you having? (Vaguely) Erm... quite misty. Something's waiting around the corner, but there are no corners on the motorway, so we'll just have to wait and see what lies ahead. Maybe something will happen tonight.... What's this we hear about you once being a rent boy? Well, when times are hard, duty calls. How long ago was it? When I was 19, about three years ago. How do we know this isn't just a Shaun Ryder-type lie? 'Cause if it was, it would make me a complete scumbag and I'm not, and I'm not interested in that kind of pantomime. It wasn't a very happy time. I didn't really enjoy it. Why did you give it up? (grimly) Well, certain people disappeared... and anyway, ultimately I found myself no longer in such a vulnerable position anymore. Dawn broke, and I realised that it was a beautiful world after all. Have you done any other dodgy jobs? All of us in the band have tried to deal, but it's not good if you like the drugs too much. You just end up using them yourself! I once was a gravedigger. I used to do it with my mate in Willesden Green cemetery. We didn't actually do the digging, a machine did that, but we used to have to fill them in. It was pretty grim work. So are you gay then? Love is love, wherever it comes from. I'm not anything, really. I am a very sexual person but... I dunno, I believe in liberty... The Marquis de Sade has a lot to answer for... Do you get a lot of gay fans? Yeah - well, there's one guy in particular. He's very shy and he follows us around. He brings in letters and cards and stuff, but he's very quiet. I think John (the bassist) is the main pulling power in the band. Are you jealous about that? Nah! I've known him too long.

You know I'm alright i dont even care i like it when they stare & stare call me queer, dear oh dear a million things & what I wear He's real hard when he's with his mates but I'll saw him again & he was too late

Dear NME I'd have thought after the Gay Times piece, the interview with Rapture fanzine & our recent gig at the Slum Club everything would be clear. No it still remains to give a big hearty fuck off to all these twisted suburban types calling me a liar. Vulnerable young men & women all over the world find themselves victims of circumstance.

she was dressed in suit & tie & lightly etched-on moustache. 'I've always wanted to kiss a bird in the back of a taxi.' she says, running her hand up the fishnet ladders of my thigh. Stepping onto the front line in Bow puddles, elevators, buzzing doors,

[Image: the original page in the book has been preserved. Two paragraphs have been boxed off with biro. They read:] “...cast Richard Burton and Rex Harrison as bickering queer barbers and then much more uncompromisingly in William Friedkin's adaptation of The Boys in the Band (1970), which introduced some of the plainer four letter words in the English language to the screen for the first time. 'Who,' asks Cliff Gorman, in his brilliant portrayal of the most effeminate of the homosexual group as they gather for a soul-searching party, 'Who do you have to fuck to get a drink around here?' Other homosexual manifestations to occur in movies around this time included an elliptical but unmistakeable male fellatio scene in John Schlesinger's Midnight Cowboy (1969) when Jon Voight, as a broke and disillusioned Texas stud importunes in a New York cinema....”

[Image, top left: a blurry photo of John onstage, playing bass. Image, top right, sideways: a photo of the band onstage. Carl and John are on the left, sharing a mic. Peter is on the right, playing guitar and singing into his own mic. Image, centre left: a torn photo of Peter sitting in a chair, shirtless, playing guitar. Only his bottom half from the chest down is visible. Image, centre left: a torn photo of Peter sitting in a chair, shirtless, playing guitar. Only his top half from shoulders up is visible. Image, bottom left: a torn fragment of a photo. What looks like a denim-clad knee and a yellow carrier bag are visible. Image, bottom middle: a photo of someone's knee in torn jeans, taken from under a table. Image, bottom right: a torn photo of Carl in a black sleeveless shirt, posing with his fingers in his mouth.] [A paragraph from the original page of the book has been left exposed and boxed off with black biro. It reads:] “The Boys in the Band was displaced by an immeasurably more powerful portrayal of homosexual groups, Fortune and Men's Eyes (1971). Set in a Quebec prison, this disturbing, factually based drama vividly recounted the corrupted of a heterosexual convict trapped in a tough, potentially vicious homosexual society. In one horrifying scene, a weak, put-upon prisoner is gang-banged by his fellow inmates; in another, the 'hero' is blackmailed by his cellmate into accepting him as his lover for the duration...”

Like a cat on a hot tin roof Like a macho man in a roomful of poofs I have tried in my way to be free.

[Written in Peter's handwriting] Jerome... is that how it's spelt? [Written in someone else's handwriting] Yes it is [Written in Peter's handwriting] Can I read you something? [Written in someone else's handwriting] Yes please.....

I insist, new book of Albion, befuddled by drugs I may yes about 2 but I do not miss out entirely on the subtleties of the inhuman relation ships that are this the mainstay of my stay here in one bounce of a loaf. Boys are fooled into fooling with boys. [...]

More general references/some extra explanations:

“The boy looked at Johnny” is a line from Patti Smith's song “Horses,” part one of a three-part song called “Land.” In the song, a young man named Johnny is assaulted by another man in a locker room; he then mentally journeys to other fantastical lands and visions. A lot of people interpret it as being about gay sex, although some people interpret it as being about a stabbing.

Peter quotes and references Jean Genet's writing and works about Jean Genet many times. While Genet's works are nearly all about crime and prison (one of Peter's main interests and points of fascination), all of his works are very explicitly gay. The Thief's Journal is more about Genet's various lovers than it is about his criminal history. Our Lady Of The Flowers is about a drag queen and her criminal lovers, and is also extremely erotic.

(“Jerome” is Jerome Alexandre, vocalist of The Deadcuts, who was friends with Peter and Mark Keds.)

#squash transcribes books of albion #peter doherty #feel free to request compilations of other kinds too

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magpiefngrl · 4 years ago

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Book Recs Jan-Jun 2020

I’ve been reading voraciously these past six months (my Goodreads challenge says 68 books so far). Here are some memorable reads, grouped according to what you might be into.

I want queer romance please:

Brothers of the North Wild Sea by Harper Fox (m/m historical)

This book ruined me (in a good way). Or maybe it isn’t good that I’ll be carrying it inside my heart for ever and ever till the end of my days, my lip wobbling at the mere thought of it. A wonderful romance, a pairing I adored, gorgeous prose, a fascinating historical background (medieval times, north of England, Viking invasions). There’s a faint supernatural undercurrent that becomes more prominent at the very end. I sobbed through the last few pages with fear, with relief, with happiness. Highly, highly recced.

Bitter Springs by Laura Stone (m/m historical)

Every historical novel I’ve read is set in the UK, so the fact that this is a US historical book was fascinating to me. Two POC cowboys fall in love while seeking mustangs in the wilderness of Texas (?? idk where Del Rio is). It’s sweet and loving with a side-serving of jealousy when a former lover briefly appears on the scene; but mainly it’s two men getting to know each other and falling in love in the desert. I loved the horses too.

The Sins of Cities trilogy by KJ Charles. (3 books, 3 different couples, interconnected, m/m historical)

OK so the first book in the series didn’t do much for me. A pairing who loves to be domestic and sweet and to drink tea by the fire is cute... but I got bored. The second one, though... I think my eyes popped out of my head from the sheer heat of it. Justin Lazarus shot to the Top-5 of my fave characters of all time, and I’d willingly kill all of you for him, sorry that’s how it is. The trilogy is a murder mystery set in Victorian London, and unlike most romance series, you’ll need to read the books in order. Overall, this isn’t my fave series of KJC, but it was fun nonetheless, and it does have Justin in it so it’s worth a read.

Slippery Creatures by KJ Charles (m/m historical)

This one is amazing!!! This is KJC’s latest, first in a trilogy with the same pairing, which means the HEA is 2 books away (it doesn’t mean that this ends unhappy; another reader called it the WNDY ending -- We’re Not Done Yet). Boy, this is a scorcher. Set in the 1920s, it features spies, secret societies, murder, lies, kidnapping, grey characters with elastic morals: these are all catnip for me, and I inhaled this novel twice in a week. Highly recced for anyone into a gay historical romance, who loves a bit of pulp with their gay sex. The second installment is out next month.

The 13th Hex (novella) and Widdershins by Jordan L. Hawk (both m/m historical paranormal, but different universes)

I can’t say I’m enamoured by Hawk’s writing skills; in fact, I usually feel a tad let-down by the prose, mainly because the books have such potential. Hawk’s plotting is fantastic and his world-building fascinating and truly unique. I just love both of these worlds and their magic systems. Hot sex too. I don’t want to discourage people: I’m possibly just too fussy with prose. Hawk is super popular and you should give his books a shot. Widdershins is free! (In case it sways you: Hawk recently came out as a trans man.)

Unnatural by Joanna Chambers (m/m historical)

I read a few romances by Chambers lately, some less satisfying than others. This one is a standalone companion novel to her most popular series, called Enlightenment, set in Regency Britain. It’s a well-written fast read; a friends-to-lovers romance, with lots of tension and chemistry between the leads. As in all Chambers books that I’ve read so far, there’s lots of angst about one’s homosexuality (very era-appropriate) and lots of pull-and-push before it ends in a very HEA.

****

Do you have anything with fantasy and/or magic, my kind lady?

His Majesty’s Dragon by Naomi Novik (alternate history, Napoleonic wars with dragons)

Do you like dragons who talk and bond with honourable officers during times of war? Do you love soulmate bonds and sentiments such as: “I’ll do anything for you” and “You’re mine” but when it’s people, it makes you uncomfortable? Well, here former Naval officer Lawrence and his dragon Temeraire (and all dragons with their handlers) have this bond, and it’s the best thing ever. I’m in love with Temeraire, I shiver at the profound bond between Lawrence and his intelligent dragon, and I can’t wait to read the rest of the series by a beloved author (ahem).

The Dark Artifices by Cassandra Clare (YA urban fantasy)

I don’t hold the best opinion of Clare’s writing skills so I was pleasantly surprised when I read the first installment a few years back (Lady Midnight). I decided to reread it during quarantine, and then I moved on to the second one, Lord of Shadows. They’re both long novels, tightly-plotted, with several romances evolving on page.

I was excited to read the last one, A Queen of Air and Darkness, but alas! I didn’t love it. To start with, it’s 1000 pages long, and unlike books of that length that I’ve read, you feel it. The book drags. Everyone and their mother has a POV and a love story on page. There are no subplots, because they’re all Plots: all afforded equal space in the narrative, so there’s lots happening at the same time, but the story doesn’t feel like it’s moving forward with a good pace. As the end of the trilogy, Clare indulges in some of her fave elements, namely mentioning someone’s eye colour every three pages, or having every single person paired up by the end (something which bothers me a great deal). There are a few plot contrivances that ensure her main pairing conveniently gets their HEA. I confess I skimmed most of the last part of the book. I’m happy I read it and got to the end of the story, but I can’t say I was satisfied. If you’re looking for an undemanding, escapist fantasy, though, it’s the ticket: it certainly worked for me when I had quarantine brain.

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amar El-Mochtar & Max Gladstone

Sci-fi, literary af, two time-travel agents from opposing Agencies bent on destroying each other, exchange letters and fall in love. I’m completely torn in half: half of the book (the prose, the imagination) left my jaw on the floor. The rest of it left me cold and indifferent. Wonderful prose, couldn’t get into the characters. Short and dense.

Swordspoint by Ellen Kushner

Queer fantasy novel that gives strong Dangerous Liaisons vibes. Written in 1987, one of the first fantasy novels to feature a society where same-sex is accepted. The writing is beautiful, the plot twisty. There’s no actual magic, but there are sword fights, courtroom drama, intrigue. Good fun if you like that kind of thing.

The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang

Adult fantasy. So far (I’m half-way through) it’s phenomenal. I’ve seen it recced everywhere and was so happy to see that Scribd offered it in my subscription. Set in a Chinese-inspired world, it features a vivid setting and memorable characters, and I’m loving it. I predict it’ll be my new fave. Do heed the content warnings (pretty much every CW you can think of applies); it’s quite dark as it progresses.

A bunch of novellas and short stories by Aliette de Bodard

This author came to my notice about a year ago. I’ve been following her on twitter ever since, but didn’t have the chance to read any of her work until I saw she had a bunch of stuff available on Scribd. I read a couple of sci-fi novellas set in a Vietnamese-inspired future; The Citadel of Weeping Pearls was my fave.

She’s also published a fantasy trilogy with fallen angels and magic set in a war-ravaged Paris, which sounds awesome. I haven’t read it, can’t afford to yet, but I did read two short stories set in that ‘verse and they were fabulous. The atmosphere, the setting, the premise, the Fallen of the Dominion universe just sounds like very much my thing. Here’s a link to some free stories they offer, if you want to check out her writing.

The Autobiography of a Traitor and a Half-Savage by Alix E. Harrow

I read a short story by Harrow several months ago and was blown away. I’ve rarely fell so fast and so deeply in love with an author. I haven’t read her debut yet, but I came across this short novella and she blew me away again. It’s a story set in the US, magical realism rather than fantasy imo, and it’s about colonialism and the land, and it’s so powerful. You can read it for free at Tor.com. Please do, it’s incredible.

******

#books #book recs #sff #sff books #gay romance #fantasy books #romance books #diverse reading #marginalised authors #WOC #Authors of Colour

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introvertguide · 5 years ago

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Midnight Cowboy (1969); AFI #43

Just by chance, our 43rd film to watch was #43 on the AFI list, Midnight Cowboy (1969). This story of the country mouse in the city won the Oscar for Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Adapted Screenplay. Both lead actors (Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman) were also nominated for Best Actor. To most people, it is a story of two men in dire straights with simple (if not a little odd) dreams that remain unfulfilled. Roger Ebert called it the story of “two characters who have nothing to offer the audience but their lost souls.” It is truly fantastic and one of my very favorite movies on the AFI top 100. I have done a lot of side articles on this film over the last week, so there isn’t much left to go over besides the plot and the final review:

COMPLETE SPOILERS! PLEASE WATCH THIS FILM BEFORE READING ANY FURTHER BECAUSE THE MOVIE IS SO GOOD! YOU DESERVE TO NOT HAVE THIS FILM SPOILED AND THERE IS ONE HUGE SPOILER IN THIS REVIEW! GO WATCH IT! LAST WARNING!

Joe Buck (a very young Jon Voight) is a young Texan who is quitting his job as a dishwasher to move to New York to be a male prostitute. There is reason for this which is explained through dreams and flashbacks, but it seems a little abrupt to start a movie. It does make the viewer really identify with Joe because we have all considered quitting a mundane job for some crazy scheme. He is excited about his prospects and manages to become the most annoying bus rider I think I have ever seen. I still like him though.

On arrival, he is Initially unsuccessful in finding a sugar momma, but finally he manages to bed a middle-aged woman, Cass, in her posh Park Avenue apartment. The encounter ends badly when he asks for money because she thought he was just hitting on her and hadn’t discussed payment before anything happened. It goes especially wrong as he gives her money after she is insulted and throws a tantrum when he requests payment.

Joe did not have a lot of money and realizes he needs to find work soon. At a bar, Joe is saved from accidently trying to bed a gay man with strong feminine features. His savior turns out to be Enrico Salvatore "Ratso" Rizzo (Dustin Hoffman), a con man with a limp who takes $20 from Joe in exchange for an introduction to a pimp. Joe soon discovers that the man is actually an unhinged homosexual religious fanatic, and Joe flees in pursuit of Ratso but cannot find him. Joe spends his days wandering the city and sitting in his hotel room. Soon broke, he is locked out of his hotel room, his belongings are impounded, and he is forced to live on the streets.

Absolutely desperate, Joe tries to make money by receiving oral sex from a young man in a movie theater, but learns after the act that the young man has no money. Joe threatens him and asks for his watch, but eventually lets him go unharmed. The next day, Joe spots Ratso and angrily shakes him down. Ratso offers to share an apartment in a condemned building where he is squatting. Joe reluctantly accepts his offer, and they begin a "business relationship" as hustlers. As they develop a bond, it becomes apparent that Ratso's health is very poor and needs to live. Ratso speaks of moving to Florida where the two could live the good life working over older rich women.

In a flashback, Joe's grandmother raises him after his mother abandons him. He also has a tragic relationship with Annie, a mentally unstable girl. The film has successive flashbacks to an experience in which he and Annie were jumped while naked in a parked car and both raped by a gang of cowboys. It becomes apparent that the women in Joe’s life were both fragile and gullible while the men took what the wanted and walked away from the carnage. His mom was impregnated and left by a man, his grandmother was grifted by a young man, and a bunch of men attacked and ruined his relationship. Joe has decided to take control and be the aggressive one, but he is not very good at it.

Ratso tells Joe his father was an illiterate Italian immigrant shoe shiner whose job led to a bad back and lung damage from long-term exposure to shoe polish. Ratso learned shoe shining from his father but considers it degrading and generally refuses to do it, although he does shine Joe's cowboy boots to help him attract clients. Ratso continues to harbor hopes of moving to Miami, know shown in daydreams in which he and Joe frolic carefree on a beach and are surrounded by dozens of adoring middle-aged women.

Things get even more desperate because it is getting cold and Ratso’s apartment has no heat and his health is failing dramatically. An eccentric man and woman approach Joe in a diner and give them a flyer inviting them to an Andy Warhol-esque party. Joe and Ratso attend, but Ratso's poor health and hygiene attract unwanted attention from several guests. Joe mistakes a joint for a cigarette and starts to hallucinate after taking several long puffs, which adds to some "uppers" he is offered. He leaves the party with Shirley, a socialite who agrees to pay him $20 for spending the night, but Joe cannot perform sexually. They play Scribbage together and the resulting wordplay leads Shirley to suggest that Joe may be gay, and suddenly he is able to perform. The next morning, she sets up her friend as Joe's next client and it appears that his career is finally taking off.

When Joe returns home, however, Ratso is bedridden and feverish. He refuses medical help and begs Joe to put him on a bus to Florida. Desperate, Joe picks up a man in an amusement arcade and robs him during a violent encounter in the man's hotel room where Joe brutally beats the man (it is implied that Joe may have killed the man). Joe buys bus tickets with the money so he and Ratso can board a bus to Florida. During the trip, Ratso's health deteriorates further as he becomes incontinent and sweat-drenched.

At a rest stop, Joe buys new clothing for Ratso and himself and discards his cowboy outfit. On the bus, Joe muses that there must be easier ways to earn a living than hustling, and tells Ratso he plans to get a regular job in Florida. When Ratso fails to respond, Joe realizes that he has died. The driver tells Joe there is nothing to do but continue to Miami and asks Joe to close Ratso's eyelids. Joe, with tears welling in his eyes, sits with his arm around his dead friend, alone.

It is a dramatically relatable film that was surprisingly directed by an Englishman known also for TV movies and opera. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised because a lot of my favorite directors are English and I like simple character stories that would also do well on a stage. I have to say that I never have cheered for a character that wants to be a prostitute so much...probably because Joe Buck genuinely thinks of it as a dream job. The viewer just wants him to succeed because he is not trying to trick anybody and it is honest pay for honest work the way that he thinks of it.

So does this movie belong on the AFI top 100? Undoubtedly. Oscar winning writing and directing, phenomenal acting, Grammy winning main song, memorable ad libs, and an iconic time capsulation of the seedy underbelly of New York in the 60s. It is great to see that an English director can make something so relatedly American. Would I recommend this? Absolutely...to adults or at least mature teens. There is some nudity and adult situations, but that is not the issue for me. In this film, a man chooses to perform homosexual acts out of desperation and, throughout the film, the lowliest people still look down on gay men (includes a fair number of homophobic slurs). It takes a mature brain to understand that it is the desperation of going against one’s own sexuality that is so bad and that the director is not merely saying that the worst thing could be that a man is gay. It seems straight forward to me, but I am not sure that younger kids would get it. But to any even slightly mature person, I would absolutely recommend. It is a great movie with a great story and I was glad to rewatch it (and I probably will again).

#midnight cowboy #introvert #introverted #jon voight #dustin hoffman #AFI movies #film #60s #new york city #best picture #oscars #movies #movie review #Film Criticism

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analyzingdestiel · 6 years ago

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DESTIEL REVIEW OF 8X8: HUNTERI HEROICI

__________________________________________________________________________________

SCENE 1

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CASTIEL Excellent. [He raps the car and turns away.] I'll see you there.

DEAN Wait, Cas, Cas! If you want to play cowboys and bloodsuckers, that's fine. But you're gonna stick with us, okay? None of this zapping around crap. Capiche?

CASTIEL Yeah, I capiche.

DEAN All right, then. [He walks to the driver’s door.]

CASTIEL Can I, uh, at least ride in the front seat?

DEAN and SAM simultaneously [SAM while shouldering CASTIEL out of the way] No. __________________________________________________________________________________

REVIEW OF SCENE 1

__________________________________________________________________________________

I think it's been made clear by this point that Dean absolutely despises when Castiel disappears. Though he not only despises when he disappears to avoid questioning or to avoid a situation that Dean needs an answer to, or needs his help with, but Dean is even bothered by Castiel disappearing in general, as this scene tells us. There is no reason that Dean should have been so upset about Castiel arriving before them. Perhaps he thought Castiel might ruin it? Or perhaps he was worried about something bad happening to Castiel? I feel, generally, it is related to Dean's sense of a lack of control. __________________________________________________________________________________

SCENE 2

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DEAN All right, well, I'm gonna call it. [He closes the journal he was reading.] Cas, you gonna book a room or what?

CASTIEL No, I'll stay here.

DEAN Oh, okay. Yeah. We'll have a slumber party, braid Sam's hair. Where are you gonna sleep?

CASTIEL I don't sleep.

DEAN Okay, well, I need my four hours, so...

CASTIEL I'll watch over you.

DEAN That's not gonna happen. __________________________________________________________________________________

REVIEW OF SCENE 2

__________________________________________________________________________________

I see a lot of fans referring to this scene.

We see that Castiel was not willing to leave the two in the room alone. He wanted to stay there with them, and in fact, was planning on watching over Dean as he slept. I don't feel Castiel, himself, views this as erotic. I don't feel it is related to an attraction to Dean, but rather, his desire to protect Dean. It is more related to devotion from Castiel's end than it is related to sex. I feel it is Destiel-related whether his reasons behind it are sexual or not.

Dean, we know, views Castiel's watching him as he sleeps as erotic. He's stated it in 4x3 "What, do you get your freak on by watching other people sleep?" He looks at it as if this is a sexual behavior. This isn't unlike Dean; he often sees things from a sexual point of view -- and very often with Castiel I have come to realize, which is interesting enough in itself.

Why is he relating it to sex, and why does the idea make him so nervous? There is the sense of a lack of confidence, as if Dean is worried about what might happen. He becomes dumbfounded when this sort of thing happens. Would one be nervous if they weren't attracted to that person? Even if the other person made a move, he could simply say "I don't swing that way" and it'd be over and done with. Imagine that Benny was to offer to watch over Dean as he slept. I imagine Dean would react with "thanks man, but I'm all set". I can't imagine Dean reacting with the same nervous energy if Benny had asked. (In fact, Dean's relationship with Benny entirely is different than his relationship with Castiel, who is labeled as another "friend", so I find that interesting. Though I'll get more into that in another review.)

So all in all, Dean's reaction to Castiel's offer seemed to be nervous and he reacted with some hostility. Often Dean reacts to things that make him nervous with hostility; he is not comfortable with feeling vulnerable and is especially fearful around homosexuality in general. It was made clear that this was the reason for Dean's reaction. I can practically hear his thoughts, "oh God, that's gay".

One could take this and look at it as Dean being nervous around homosexuality because he's afraid that he's going to partake in such a thing. Men who are purely heterosexual and confident/comfortable with their sexuality are usually not so nervous about this sort of thing because they realize that, because they are not attracted to the other man, that nothing will happen. And even if something had happened, they realize that the situation could easily be rectified by simply stating "I'm not interested". What is Dean worried about if he is comfortable with his apparent heterosexuality? Dean seems to be fearful that if he does allow such a thing, something might happen.

I feel his reason for the discomfort with Castiel's offer is the same reason that he was fearful of Castiel's proximity in 5x3. If Dean wasn't afraid something might happen, if he was not afraid that he might act on it himself, would he have reacted with such nervous energy? If he was not attracted to Castiel, wouldn't he have simply said "dude, give me space", without the addition of looking from Castiel's eyes, to his lips, before breathlessly stating such a thing? There is the impression that his nerves are stemming from repressed desires.

Again, let's imagine Benny and Dean in a similar situation. Imagine that Benny got closer to Dean than usual and was looking deeply into his eyes. I can't imagine Dean looking from Benny's eyes to his lips and then nervously asking for space. I imagine he'd glance at Benny, perhaps brows creased in confusion, and tell him to back up. There's never any nervous energy when he's with Benny, it's very different than when he's with Castiel.

I would believe this is referred to as "repressed sexual tension".

I cannot say for sure that this is what it is, though this is the impression that I get, and I also wouldn't doubt it because the writers did know the popularity of Destiel at this point and have catered to their fans in the past. Again, as I stated in the previous review, they have to be subtle about it though because some of their fans DON'T like Destiel. So things can be hinted at but it will always be, for the most part, ambiguous. For example, one could say Dean simply reacted this way because he's disturbed and there isn't anything he's repressing. I feel this is something Jensen would have agreed with, though one has to remember that the one who wrote this episode (Paul Edwards) may have had other things in mind that he just did not vocalize.

I feel that the relationship between Dean and Castiel is being played out exactly as is intended and that the sense of attraction and the general feeling that they are based off a romantic couple is deliberate. Those working on the series see it for what it is ("Jeremy Carver gave a note to us — I guess it was a note to Cas, to me — that I was “acting like a jilted lover” with Dean, so there you go."), and so it makes sense that viewers would see it as well.

I could continue to use Dean and Benny's relationship as a comparison because of how it differs despite the fact that both he and Castiel are labeled as Dean's "friends". It really does put things in perspective. __________________________________________________________________________________

SCENE 3

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youtube

INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

DEAN is using the laptop at the table. CASTIEL is sitting on one of the beds, looking at John’s journal.

CASTIEL Your father... Beautiful handwriting.

DEAN How you feeling, Cas?

CASTIEL I'm fine.

DEAN Well, I just – I – I know that when... I got puked out of Purgatory, it took me a few weeks to... find my sea legs.

CASTIEL I'm fine.

DEAN Don't get me wrong. I'm – I’m happy you're back. I'm – I’m freaking thrilled. It's just this whole mysterious-resurrection thing – it always has one mother of a downside.

CASTIEL [closes the journal] So, what do you want me to do?

DEAN Maybe take a trip upstairs.

CASTIEL To Heaven?

DEAN Yeah, poke around, see if the God squad can't tell us how you got out.

CASTIEL No.

DEAN Look, man, I – I hate those flying-ass monkeys just as much as you do, but –

CASTIEL [forcefully] Dean! I said no!

After a pause, DEAN closes the laptop, walks over and sits on the edge of the other bed, facing CASTIEL.

DEAN Talk to me.

CASTIEL Dean, I... When I was... bad... and I had all those things – the... the leviathans... writhing inside me... I caused a lot of suffering on earth, but I devastated Heaven. I vaporized thousands of my own kind, and I – I – I can't go back.

DEAN 'Cause if you do, the angels will kill you.

CASTIEL Because if I see what Heaven's become – what I – [sighs] what I made of it... I'm afraid I might kill myself.

SAM enters the room.

SAM Hey. Got something.

CASTIEL Good. [He stands up. DEAN stays sitting on the bed a few moments longer.] Excellent. What? __________________________________________________________________________________

REVIEW OF SCENE 3

__________________________________________________________________________________

We see that Castiel continues to confide in Dean in ways he confides in no other. He reveals things about himself to Dean that he doesn't reveal to others and there is a definite sense of trust. It's been this way since 4x7 when Castiel first told Dean that he "has his doubts". There is a closeness that Dean and Castiel share, that Castiel doesn't share with anyone else. In fact, once Sam arrives, Castiel gives us the impression that he didn't want Sam to have heard him. That in itself is important; Castiel really only truly trusts Dean.

From Dean's end, we see he is still there for Castiel, and is able to help pull him out of himself. Castiel is not one to readily admit to things, especially his vulnerabilities, much like Dean. Dean doesn't express his vulnerabilities readily because of the way he was raised by his father; to be a man, to suck things up, etc. And it's similar with Castiel, who is this way do to what he thought his own "father" (God) wanted/needed him to be. So they can relate in this sense and it's perhaps why, and how, Dean is able to get Castiel to open up to him. __________________________________________________________________________________

RATING AFTER EPISODE: 5/10

#destiel #castiel #dean winchester #supernatural #8x8 #talk to me

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believingbrook · 6 years ago

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taakitz hanahaki, 2

warnings/tags for fic series: terminal illness, angst with a happy ending (yes he’ll be fine), grief. please don’t read if you’re uncomfortable with these concepts, take care of yourself!

“How do you not have cumin?”

“I’m a bachelor, Taako!”

“That’s not an excuse to keep a pathetic pantry!”

“Pathetic — ” Kravitz sputters, but Taako raps his knuckles with a wooden spoon and points the butt toward the door, not bothering to look over the bowl of spices he’s crafting.

“You. Cumin.”

“It’s cold outside.”

Taako snorts. “You’re a big boy, and also freezing eighty percent of the time. It’ll hardly register.” He uncaps the cinnamon, sprinkles in a liberal dose. “Besides, the corner store is a two-minute walk. Make yourself useful.”

Grinning, Kravitz obliges, shrugs on a coat and a scarf and his boots and complains the whole way out the door. He shuts it behind him with a parting jab about how he’s going to get hypothermia and die and Taako’s resulting snort.

It is indeed a six-minute excursion to buy cumin. When he returns, purchased goods in hand, he passes them to Taako, the top of Taako’s braid brushing beneath his chin. He’s a good head taller than Taako and always thought that, if he were to kiss him, his hands would nestle perfectly in the small of Taako’s back.

“I realize, in retrospect, that sending someone out to get ingredients when they’ve got, uh, pneumonia, is — that’s probably a bad look.”

Kravitz blinks, then waves an airy hand through the air. “Like you said. I’m a big boy.”

“Yeah,” Taako says, as close to an apology as Kravitz is going to get. “Like I said. Hey, preheat the oven, will you? 350.”

Kravitz obliges. “Celsius or Fahrenheit?”

He laughs as Taako swats at him with the spoon again, dancing out of Taako’s reach with his tongue stuck out. “Disgusting,” Taako mutters, and sticks out his tongue to match.

Kravitz settles himself in his armchair, flipping idly through an old tome while Taako cooks. It’s a pleasant backdrop while he absorbs this new story (and yes, it’s one of those trashy romance novels that Taako hates but Kravitz refuses to abandon), the sizzling and splashing and decadent aroma wafting through their apartment.

Finally Taako clanks whatever he’s prepared into the oven — Kravitz isn’t even totally sure what, exactly, Taako is making, except that his kitchen smells faintly of garlic and he’d tugged two breasts of chicken out of Kravitz’s freezer, jabbing him on how he couldn’t even freeze chicken right, because he’d stored them too close to the icebox — and slumps onto the sofa with a huff.

That’s Taako’s corner of the sofa, or at least Kravitz thinks of it that way; it’s where he always sits, and in his more fanciful moments Kravitz can make out a Taako-shaped dip in the mattress. As is his custom Taako gathers all the pillows and blankets within reach and shuffles them over his lap, laying his head dramatically on the armrest.

“Hey, uh, your sister back this weekend?’

“Yeah.” Kravitz sets his book aside. Taako and Raven got along fine in the beginning, but since — well, since Kravitz’s affliction, she’s turned colder toward him. He jokes that she hates anyone who isn’t goth, and Taako ribs him about adoring Gerard Way and the t-shirts emblazoned with Amy Lee’s face still hanging in his closet, and they don’t talk about it. “Just in time for the party.”

“Natch.” Taako sprawls along the couch cushions, head resting on one crooked elbow. His hair spills in a golden weave over the threads of Kravitz’s couch and for one impulsive moment Kravitz wants to reach out, thread his fingers through that hair, find out how soft it really is.

“She saved my life, you know,” Kravitz says.

“Huh?”

“Raven. When we were kids.” He hadn’t meant to say that, hadn’t truly thought it out, but Kravitz hates that his sister and Taako don’t get along. That they don’t get along because of him. Out of everyone in their little family, Taako and Raven’s icy relationship is surpassed only by his and Lucretia’s. “I used to love swimming.”

“I could deffo get behind you in Spandex.”

Kravitz’s heart clenches. “I was eleven, Taako.”

Taako rolls over, quirks an eyebrow at him upside-down. “When’s the last time you went swimming, Krav?”

“Thirteen years ago.”

There’s a pause as Taako does the math. His eyes widen briefly, before narrowing again. Kravitz clears his throat. “I jumped in the river because there was something shiny at the bottom. And I was pretty good at swimming — this was back when I was a kid, and Raven was just a teenager, she took me to the river sometimes because she knew I loved it.” Kravitz drums his fingers against his thigh. “There was a current beneath the river. I almost drowned, but Raven — she pulled me out.”

Taako studies him. “Touching,” he says dryly. “Why are you telling me this?”

“It’s been ten years,” Kravitz says. “There’s little you don’t know about me already.” Kravitz stills his anxious hands. “Also I know you don’t like my sister and I hate it.”

“Shit, me too.” Taako looks toward the ceiling and crosses his legs. “We got along just fine until junior year, then she got all weird.”

Kravitz bites his lip. “Yeah, I know.”

There’s silence for a beat, then Taako rolls his head toward Kravitz and sits up. “Kravitz,” he says dangerously.

“What?”

“Give me that.”

He’s looking at Kravitz’s book. He snatches it up and holds it to his chest. “No.”

“Do not make me come over there and get it, Kravitz.”

“You’re gonna make fun of it!”

“Oh you know I am,” Taako says, hefting himself to his feet. He perches on one arm of the sofa and stares Kravitz down. “Hand it over, I just wanna read the back.”

Kravitz holds it tighter to his chest. “Don’t you have cooking to be doing?”

Taako snatches for it, but Kravitz twists out of the way. “It’s in the oven, bubbeleh, it’s not my problem for at least another fifteen minutes. Plenty of time to do some investigating.” He shuffles onto Kravitz’s lap and grabs again, but Kravitz holds the book tighter.

“This is awfully rude, Taako.”

Taako grins a sharp shark’s grin. “That’s me,” he says, pleased, and digs his fingers into Kravitz’s sides. “Rude and uncivilized.”

Kravitz lets out an extremely undignified squeak. “Oh come on — !” Kravitz snickers, trying to squirm away from Taako’s fingers and failing. “This isn’t fair, we aren’t fifteen — ha — oh come on, this isn’t fair — ”

He breaks away to snort, curling in on himself in a last-ditch defensive attempt. “Oh no you don’t,” Taako says, and even though Kravitz is currently occupied resisting the urge to throw Taako off his lap (he could and they both know it — Taako never was athletic, ‘too much effort’), he can hear the smile in Taako’s voice. “C’mon, Bones, I just wanna read it — ”

“You’re gonna make fun of me!”

“Perish the thought,” Taako says, and finds a sensitive spot along Kravitz’s sides and digs his fingers in. Kravitz rears backward, trying to wriggle away, but Taako snatches the book from his hands.

Kravitz laughs breathlessly, recomposing himself. The air brushes along the petals in his throat and he coughs once, twice, before clearing his throat and declaring, “I hate you.”

“You could never,” Taako says smugly, still perched atop Kravitz’s knees.

“I hate that my tickle spots are the same after ten years,” Kravitz grumbles, burying his face in Taako’s chest. “I’m an adult now, those shouldn’t still work!”

“Not how biology works, homeslice,” Taako says absently, pinching Kravitz’s nose with the hand not occupied holding the back cover in front of his face. Kravitz shakes his head to dislodge Taako’s fingers, smacks Taako’s hand away. “Oh my god, Kravitz.”

Kravitz groans, low and defeated.

“This is awful. This is awful, how do you — a horse? Why is this — is this a gay cowboy story?” Taako tucks two fingers beneath his chin and tugs his face up, brandishing the book at him with the other. “Are you reading a — a fuckin’ homosexual Western?”

“It’s a good genre,” Kravitz defends, blushing furiously. He snatches for the book, but Taako dances out of the way. He’s always been faster than Kravitz. “I don’t need you critiquing my taste in literature.”

“Listen — okay, no, first of all, you definitely do, because this is unacceptable and second, literature? This cannot be called literature, Kravitz! Literature has the word “lit” in and therefore by default cannot be applied to anything you read!”

“I’ve read the draft of your cookbook.”

Taako freezes, then hits him lightly in the chest with his own book. “Take your trash back,” he sulks. “Can’t sully my hands with it anymore.”

“You know I’m right, Taako!”

“I will confess to no such thing.”

“You don’t need to,” Kravitz sing-songs, leaning forward, bracing his elbows on Taako’s knees. “I already know everything I need to.”

Taako stares him dead in the eyes, then pokes his nose. “False. I — I don’t have anything better than false, and also fuck you.”

Kravitz goes to lick his finger and Taako yanks it back, retching. “You’re disgusting!”

“Learned it from Lup,” Kravitz shrugs, grinning unabashedly up at him. “Your sister, your fault.”

“No, that’s not even — you are so far off,” Taako says, disentangling himself from Kravitz’s lap and going to check on the kitchen. “By that logic that means you also gotta blame me for trying to set you up with Barold during freshman year and I want no part of that.”

“I think that worked out for Lup in the end, though,” Kravitz says, standing and stretching. “Chicken done?”

“Almost,” Taako says, putting the oven mitts back. It’d taken Kravitz four years to drill organization into Taako’s head — in this flat everything has a place and will be returned there, thank you. “Five minutes or so.”

“How long until people arrive?”

“You have a clock on your wrist.”

Kravitz sprawls out over the couch and grins cheekily at him. “Too far away.”

“You’re awful,” Taako says, rolling his eyes where Kravitz can see him. “We’ve got half an hour.”

“Cool.” He sits back, studies the ceiling, then picks his head up again. “Hey, could you grab Angus’s present? It’s in my closet.”

“Are you trying to put me back in the closet?”

“And you say my gay jokes are awful.”

Taako pauses, considering. “Okay, yeah, that one was pretty bad. What will you give me in return?”

Kravitz shrugs. “My undying love and affection?”

Taako snorts. “Disgusting,” he says, but tromps obligingly into Kravitz’s room. “Your room’s a mess!”

“Is not!”

“Your bed isn’t made, and there’s dust on the windowsill!”

Kravitz rolls his eyes. “I’m sorry I don’t dust my bedroom often enough for your tastes!”

He hears a muttered “you should be,” then silence. Kravitz closes his eyes, the delicious scent of garlic and rosemary wafting around the kitchen, and waits for Taako’s returning footsteps.

They return, far slower than they should. Kravitz sits up, and when he looks toward the entryway, Taako is carrying a jar of rose petals.

Ice chills in Kravitz’s veins.

“Taako?”

Taako doesn’t say anything as he crosses the room. Kravitz stiffens, scoots over to make room, and Taako sits, face eerily blank. This time, Taako doesn’t bother with his nest of blankets.

“What are these?”

“Petals,” Kravitz says, and in an attempt at lightheartedness says “I’d have thought you’d know that, Taako, your father is a gardener — ”

“Kravitz.”

Kravitz’s heart plummets to his stomach. Taako looks at him and Kravitz can’t hold his gaze, so he looks away, looks to the table still scuffed with bootprints from Taako’s uncaring kicked-up legs.

“Why do you keep them?”

His voice is perfectly even. Taako’s voice is never even. “I like them,” he shrugs. “I know that sounds, uh, fucked up, but — they remind me what I’m — ” He swallows, cuts himself off. “Are you angry?”

Taako ignores his last question. “Yeah, that’s pretty fucked up,” he says. He sets the jar on the table, lips pressed firmly together, eyes still shadowed with something Kravitz can’t quite understand. “You know, I don’t think I’ll ever understand you, Kravitz.”

“Taako, you still know me.”

“He’s a lucky guy.” This time, he’s the one who won’t meet Kravitz’s gaze. “Whoever he is.”

Kravitz blinks. “Taako, it isn’t — it isn’t some guy, it’s — ”

“Don’t.”

“Taako— ”

Taako’s voice is harsh with warning. “Don’t, Kravitz.”

Taako sits up, shoulders tense and gaze fixed rigid on the unlit fireplace in the wall. His jaw is locked tight and Kravitz feels like he can’t breathe and for once, it isn’t the damned garden coating his windpipe.

“Okay,” Kravitz says softly. “Okay, I won’t. Are you all right?”

Taako barks out a laugh, hands fisting in his jeans. “You’re incredible, you know that?”

It doesn’t sound like a compliment.

“I’ve been told,” Kravitz murmurs. He looks toward the fireplace as well. “The chicken’s probably done.”

Taako blinks. “Right,” he says, and stands. “Right. Yeah, it probably is.”

He stands. Kravitz hears the oven door open, shut, metal clanking against metal. There’s a beep of an interior thermometer; a pause, then the rhythmic sound of chopping.

Kravitz’s chest is tight now, too, something uncomfortably heavy pressing on his sternum. This is why he hadn’t said anything. He knew this was going to happen, knew that when Taako found out he would get scared, and he would leave.

Kravitz wants to run, badly. Wants to flee his own flat, take refuge with Hurley and Sloane. Maybe call Julia and see if her dining room table has room for one more, if she’s got tea steeping.

But too many people have left Taako already and if Kravitz leaves now he’ll smash the last of the wooden slats he hasn’t already burned. Instead he forces himself to stand, walk over to his own counter. He — he needs Taako to know this, at least.

“This isn’t your fault, Taako.”

His back is turned toward Kravitz and it stiffens at the words. There’s a pause in the rhythm of his chopping and it lulls, just for a moment; then Taako says, with a voice so unaffected Kravitz startles to hear it, “Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, my man.”

His heart drops. “Ah,” Kravitz says. In the end, he tells himself, it’s better than it could be — he could have lost Taako entirely. He can keep pretending nothing’s wrong. He — he wouldn’t mind.

Inside his throat, the roses bloom, stretching their petals a bit farther. The prickling feeling of seeds taking root trickles farther up his windpipe and he fights the urge to retch, balling a fist against his mouth and blinking back involuntary tears.

“I think Lup bought Ango trick candles,” Taako says after a while. He slides the diced carrots off the chopping board, drops them in the bowl with a brisk flick of his wrist. “I don’t even think — don’t think she needs them, to be honest. She could just relight ‘em as soon as they go out.”

“He’d realize though,” Kravitz says carefully. “He’s very intelligent.”

“He’ll figure out they’re trick candles pretty fast too,” Taako says sharply. “But yeah. Don’t freak when they keep burning.”

“I won’t.”

Taako hums absently. His back is still turned. He pulls three full tomatoes out of his bag and sets about slicing those. “How long do we have?”

“Fifteen minutes.”

“Cool cool.”

“Do you need help?”

Taako snorts. “Not from you, my man.”

Kravitz bites his lip. He doesn’t know what to say, and that’s what gets him more than anything else — he doesn’t know what to do. He’s never had to dance around Taako. The sort of easy honesty that grew between them was present from the very start, and Kravitz has uprooted it. He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know how to smooth things out into the easy camaraderie of before.

“Still got Magnus’s ducks?”

“Yeah,” Kravitz says. “Those were in the closet, too. Did you — did you grab Angus’s — ”

“Nah, got a little sidetracked.” Taako brushes a lock of hair out of his face with one shoulder. “Just be warned, I think he’s bringing some more. Takes every chance he can get to, uh, fuckin’ frisbee them at people he knows.”

“I’ll clear more space then,” Kravitz says, and leaves.

He means to grab the present and head back to the kitchen, he really does; but alone, the full weight of Taako’s stubborn denial weighs on him and he sinks to his knees on the patchwork carpet of his closet. He fights to keep his breathing even, he can’t afford to cry because then he’ll start coughing, and that —

He retches. One hand flies to his mouth and the other scrambles for the closet door, pulling it shut. The light spilling in from his bedroom ceases, leaving him in the dark, and Kravitz struggles to keep his coughs as quiet as possible.

It’s different now, this — the petals he’s coughing up seem larger, fuller somehow, and Kravitz’s eyes sting. Gods, he doesn’t want to deal with anyone right now, doesn’t want to deal with Taako. He hopes he’s not audible from the kitchen.

After several minutes the fit passes and Kravitz, now able to breathe easier, slumps back against the wall. He stares into the darkness, the faint halo of light around his door, and buries his head in his hands. Crying is out of the question, he’s too drained — he couldn’t muster tears even if he wanted them — so he dashes a hand across his eyes, his lips, reaching shakily for the water bottle Raven keeps tucked in the back corner. He unscrews it, hands still trembling, and takes a large drink to calm himself.

Kravitz counts thirty seconds, slumped against the wall, hands shaking where he’s folded them in his lap, eyes closed despite the darkness around him. Then he shuts the water bottle, replaces it, and opens the closet door, present in hand.

Scattered around him are full roses’ heads.

Kravitz doesn’t breathe, for several moments. Nothing blocking his windpipe; just shock.

It can get worse, he knows. Progress from petals to full flowers, when love is unrequited. This is what most experts call the point of no return; he probably couldn’t get surgery now, even if he wanted.

His only thought is how upset Raven will be. He hates when she worries.

He kneels, touches the head of one gently. There are at least ten, a dozen petals on each head, and scattered around him are no less than six. He thinks, I’m going to need a larger jar.

For now the smaller ones will have to do. He uncaps one — he and Raven keep them on the top shelf — and shovels them in, careful to leave their heads undamaged. He looks to the windowsill where he kept his jars, looks toward the kitchen where he can hear Taako still chopping, rhythm undaunted, then places this new jar on the sill.

“Find it?” Taako asks, when Kravitz reenters the kitchen.

“Yeah,” Kravitz rasps. One of Taako’s ears flick back toward him, though he himself does not move. Kravitz clears his throat and tries again, voice far more pleasantly full this time.

Five minutes pass in silence before the doorbell rings. Just before Kravitz opens it he hears Taako take a deep breath and glances over to find him arched over his cutting board, knuckles white around the knife.

Kravitz opens the door, a bright smile already in place.

#taakitz #taako #kravitz #taz #hanahaki

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tonybakerartystuff · 6 years ago

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Loving the Enemy (Reds are Under Your Bed) / Reds are Loving the Enemy Under Your Bed

Double Sided Print Installation from the Convenient Lies series : Print with Single Bed and Pillow

In 1950, a little-known senator, Joseph McCarthy, addressed members of the Ohio County Republican Women’s Club, proclaiming that he had in his hand, a list of state department staff who were affiliated in some way to the Communist Party, and called for their support in purging America of this odious enemy that lay within. However, there was no list – certainly not one resembling anything such as fact.

But this didn’t seem to matter, he had said what his audience wanted to hear – he had given fuel to their fire that had been left flickering ever since the end of the Second World War – a fire that had been ignited by the establishment of the German Democratic Republic, the Peoples Republic of China and the start of the Cold War – and which, collectively, had conspired to make Communism the greatest evil of all time (they would deal with homosexuals, Mexicans and the Middle East later on).

And it was this guileless fabrication of a lie that gave birth to the McCarthy Trials, a witch hunt, not that dissimilar from the purges of Nazi Germany, that set out to expose and eradicate all un-American Activities, and rid the nation of any Communist threat to the Ad-Man’s American Dream. It was a powerful and dangerous monster that created as much fear within American society as the Communism that it set out to destroy, and in its wake, thousands of people lost their jobs (sometimes just by being subpoenaed to attend a hearing), leaving society to pick up its pieces as paranoia successfully embedded itself into the nations psyche.

Keeping this hysteria alive, and making reference to the Goebbels notebook, was a propaganda machine that, not only produced Public Information films on how to spot a Communist, but also inspired a plethora of Cowboy Westerns and Science Fiction films, in which good was always seen to champion over evil – and in the case of the latter, blow all them pesky aliens (a cinematic euphemism for Communists) to smithereens, just like they’d done in Hiroshima.

By portraying evil as a metaphor for the fight against Communism in this fictional world of both past and future, it was easy to establish a moral code, where the gunslinger’s solution to a situation could be applied to the present day, and because the nation had already swallowed the pill, it was easy to continue fabricating the lies whilst America went about its’ business of creating its’ great fictional truth – something that rings true today, where the daily lies presented by politicians, spin doctors and the media, merely feed the big lie that had been sold a long time ago.

Although McCarthy had been successful in whooping up an anti-communist hysteria, his campaign came to an end when he focused his attention on the military – unlike with entertainment industry, where he had been able to terrorize Tinsel Town through a tyrannical victimization of left wing writers, actors and studio staff (generally based on unfounded accusations), the military were having none of it, and by accusing ‘Tailgunner Joe’ of having no sense of decency, brought the trials to an abrupt end. However, the Cold War was now in full swing, and Communism had become both the personification of all evil as well as America’s prime adversary in war, sport and the space race, where the USSR and America, were to battle it out in the new Wild West of outer space in their bid for world supremacy (Russia had put the first dog and man into space, Laika and Yuri Gagarin, whilst America had successfully landed on the moon, when Neil Armstrong had taken his ‘one giant step).

It wasn’t until Perestroika and the fall of the iron curtain, that the threat of Communism began to lose its appeal, which meant that America, now finding itself without a scapegoat, had to start the frustrating process of looking somewhere else for a suitable nemesis upon which to focus its attention – because, as everybody knows, you always need an enemy to deflect attention from your own wrongdoings in order to publicly absolve yourself of all guilt.

World Paranoia : lyrics written for Household Name 12” ep

World Paranoia / Reds are under the bed / Difference of Doctrine / Both wind up Dead

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dancerin-thedarkness · 2 years ago

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Week 12 Studio Update: Moreee paintings

This week's pictures: the completed self-portrait I showed off last week, with the start of a second. Additionally, a painting I did for my very own self, which was my first return to canvas after working on garments and other unconventional materials.

Thoughts on self portraits:

Cowboy is complete, so named because 1.) The abstracted background, based on a highly edited photo of me and my studio, wound up looking like the wild west, and 2.) because lately, Allison Ponthier's song of the same name has really been hitting me hard. Back in West Virginia, I always felt like I didn't belong among my peers-- my gayness and the politics associated with that (ex, wanting human rights for myself), as well as my disconnect from the family that would have provided a source of Appalachian identity made me feel out of place. This was despite my passionate love for the state I call home; my girlfriend and I often joked that we loved West Virginia but it didn't love us back. Now that I'm here, though, I feel profoundly ID-ed as West Virginian-- from the rude comments about my accent, to the little things in my classes and day-to-day life that show that people here view social and economic class and identity in different ways. In Allison's Cowboy, "it took New York to make [her] a cowboy". It took Cincinnati to make me a hillbilly.

Self portrait no. 2 is a photograph of myself and my grandmother, taken approx. 2 years before I got a girlfriend, came out of the closet, and very literally never heard from her again. Have previously thought that it is impossible to do an emotionally neutral self portrait; the nature of the subject makes it impossible. Have learned over the past week that this is more true for some portraits than others. It feels impossible to be satisfied with this work. Despite my self-criticism that I milk my trauma for my art, I find this is only true when I can make the art empowering. My disordered eating becomes a celebration of my body and the bodies of other women who look like me, my lesbianism becomes a celebration of gay identity and same-sex attraction, and so on. My feelings about my grandmother's abandonment, and the abandonment of that entire side of the family, cannot be made empowering. They cannot be a beautiful story, because they do not have a satisfying ending and I don't think they ever will. I cannot speak to my grandmother because I am a homosexual and can't help it, and won't hide it or apologize, and she will not change her mind about her belief that my homosexuality is a lifestyle choice akin ethically to murder. More than likely, this will be the situation until she dies, and when she does, it will be after years of radio silence she chose and I consented to, all the while hiding my sadness and my boiling hot anger. (As always, my apologies for the TMI, but I like to explain myself and my thought process.) As a result of, well, *gesturing wildly* all that, I don't know if I can ever feel like it's done or done well.

Shorter and less-melodramatic words on Serpentine, my very very pink and abstract interpretation of my favorite subject, Medusa. Conversations about femininity and pink, about the colors I choose when painting my girl collided with the desire to do something for myself, something I would like to see. Medusa is a female monster, arguably the ultimate depiction of female rage, and I like to think of my art as an exploration of that rage, but one that dives into how rage and female monstrosity can be beautiful. Pink is the color of women, at least in this time and this culture, or more accurately, the color of girls and girlhood. Girlhood and womanhood are beautiful and they are terrible. Medusa is pink.

#hauntologystudio #hauntologywriting

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yuli-ban · 3 years ago

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Drawn by Ishida1694 A poster done in the style of 1960s/70s Euro Horror exploitation films This is part of a planned time-travel plotline to Little Miss Savage where she visits the mid-20th century (specifically 1964-1969 and 1983-1987). Sol Yulaan is El Bruja, a witch who haunts an abandoned Spanish church in the Tabernas desert in the summer of 1969. She practices martial arts and searches for the paranormal, and winds up the central obstacle in an honor dispute between three characters: a rugged outlaw/anarcho-syndicalist, an amateur witchfinder and full-time law enforcement officer, and a macho ibérico accusing the syndicalist of cuckolding him, disrespecting El Caudillo, and spreading communism. She gets involved in the matter after the witchfinder cop targets her and assumes she's caused the bloody dispute. The witchfinder, who professes to be a deeply devout Catholic and whom Yulaan believes really believes what he says to boot, doesn't know what to make of this Eastern mystical nonsense that Yulaan uses. Yulaan: El Bruja, a masculine-feminine witch. "El" being a masculine article, but "Bruja" being the feminine version of "witch" (if used correctly, it'd be La Bruja; if Yulaan were male, El Brujo). It's supposed to be El Bruja, as coined by Chale Sr., because she's a bolloi, this androgynous cross section of visual femininity (for the most part) and behavioral hypermasculinity. Yulaan is a fish out of water, a xianxia warrioress who through circumstance bumbled into a pseudo-Spaghetti Western horror. Yulaan being a Yaban, a Vroda, and a vitakoze ("Deathkommando") by trade, she is well versed and immersed in the art of war, and her lust for conflict leads her to exploit her feminine appearance as a means of riling the macho and virulently misogynistic world of the mid-20th century to fight her, an easy thing to do. She isn't asking for respect or to be taken seriously— just the opposite. The less respect and more overt hostility she receives, the greater that itch of war is scratched, and what better place to visit to tear this itch bloody than Francoist Spain? The Syndicalist: a cowboy-like vagabond, a bandit who disregards polite society to such an extent that he's dropped out of life to sail the open roads. The only part of his name we may know is van Zandt, which fits his Dutch appearance. However, this is very likely a false name. Very likely to have once been a disgruntled college student who lost his chance at fortune, and he speaks of seeing combat in the Rhodesian Bush War, possibly as a mercenary. The Syndicalist doesn't much like fighting and obviously has a cause for which he stands, as presented in his name, and tends to hold in contempt those who think he's a rebel without a cause. As the Syndicalist notes, people are so drunk on the current system's propaganda that they'll look at paradise and see nothing. However, he is also an antisocial road pirate, not exactly a good person. And it's this that got him in hot water with the Macho Ibérico, though it's his beliefs that make him an enemy outright. He quite adores Yulaan's free spirit and independence, but hates her horrific aggression and warlike views. The Witchfinder: A Catholic cop suffering from Protagonist Syndrome as a result of a lifetime of consuming cheap media, religious fanatical writings, and conspiracy theories, he fashions himself as a modern day Witchfinder General, hunting wicked females in league with Satan, seeing them as the portal to modern degeneracy. As a result, he tends to use his position to arrest and harass women of varying and often questionable ages, as well as "sexual deviants." Though socially and politically aligned with the Macho Ibérico, the two actually despise each other. However, both agree that the Syndicalist is a bigger threat. The Witchfinder sees himself as on a modern crusade against the degenerates, pedophiles, Satanists, homosexuals, communists, and above all: the women responsible, the ladies of God led astray by carnal desires. It's for this reason he's obsessive about Yulaan, an androgynous-looking witch who's appeared in his jurisdiction. The Macho Ibérico: A violent and virulently rightist man who believes himself to be a modern Casanova and beds many women. Essentially a mixture between Glenn Quagmire, Archie Bunker, and a wannabe Charles Bronson. He believes that society has deteriorated ever since Generalissimo Franco started liberalizing the economy. He believes that might makes right, anger is as far as he'll go with being "emotional," and women are made for lovin' all night. His conservative ideas on gender roles are what drives him to action against Yulaan, as he just wants to fuck her. He's like Sabatini in that he has no clue what a bolloi is or why they don't swing and bounce. And though he's for authority and might, he counterintuitively dislikes the police, feeling matters of law and order should be done by people's militias instead.

The funniest part about this whole plotline is that the Syndicalist, the Witchfinder, and the Macho Ibérico could thwart Yulaan if they could only understand that she wants violent delights not unlike them, but they’re caught in a matrix. They’re stuck looking at her feminine face and body and thus stuck trying to figuring her out through the lens of womanhood in the already extremely patriarchal society of Francoist Spain, utterly failing to realize she isn’t a woman but rather a bolloi. The Syndicalist sees her as a spunky potential girlfriend of the road; the Macho Ibérico sees her as an easy jailbait lay; the Witchfinder sees her as a Satanic seductress. Women are not so simple, but the funny thing is that bollois are. “Female demon monkey that makes war, not love” is pretty much going to describe 98% of bollois. But because these three can’t possibly imagine a female like a bolloi, they can’t understand Yulaan and are constantly flummoxed by her. El Bruja, indeed.

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margarittet · 7 years ago

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“Tombstone” (1993): cowboys and gay subtext

Disclaimer: I wrote this text long time ago, when we first heard the title of the episode, and we knew perfectly nothing about the plot - I just somehow never got to posting it. Back then I never DREAMED that we will be getting Cas and Dean roleplaying Texas rangers, and running around in cowboy hats. (What a time to be alive!) Anyway, I hope this little rant about how “Tombstone” (1993) is relevant to tomorrow’s episode will still be fun to read.

Disclaimer 2: I do not equal effeminate/weak bodied/flamboyant = gay, just different from the surroundings in the context of this movie. At the same time, the movie uses cheap stereotypes to characterize their characters in subtext. It is 1990s, and this is not good, but it happened back then.

File it under the “Things I do because of my “Supernatural” obsession”: I watch and read stuff I hadn’t expected to before I started watching the show - you know, like a 1993 western telling the story of the legendary gunman Wyatt Earp and his two brothers, hunting and killing some Old West gang of outlaws in a frontier town.

Nevertheless, I did watch it, and now I will write about it because I am painfully aware that episode 13x06 is called “Tombstone”, that it has a western theme, and that it’s an episode by the writer who gave us “Stuck in the Middle with You” (12x12). It is therefore quite possible that the source material is relevant to the final product - plus with Tarantino being a western buff, it all connects nicely.

I will not speculate about the actual episode since we have almost nothing to go on at the moment - besides a few pictures from which we can gather a couple of facts:

The boys are most probably in Dodge City at some point (we saw pictures from the set saying “Dodge City” on one of the buildings). The city is about 3,5 hour drive from Lebanon - where the bunker is - and it was here Wyatt Earp was the sheriff before he moved to Tombstone. It also is “the cowboy capital of the US” because of it being the main city on the old “cattle trail”, famous for its cow markets and for its gunfights. We saw Dodge City on the show once before when Krissy’s dad was attacked in “Adventures in Babysitting”, but otherwise this is the first time we visit it,

We also know that at some point we will visit a cowboy-themed motel.

[While all of this gives us no story hints whatsoever, I think it’s safe to assume that the keywords for the episode are “cowboys” and “western”. Since Davy Perez’ most noteworthy episode last year was Tarantino themed, I am not remotely surprised this season for him is “westerns” (he is also bringing us the train heist episode later this season - yes, please.)]

I can, however, present the movie “Tombstone” that may or may not have something to do with the final episode (we’ll see). As I am aware that not everyone is as dedicated (read: bored and obsessed) as me to check out every pop culture reference on the show, I decided to share my newly aquired wisdom with the class.

Ok, so the story. The movie tells a (rather idealized) version of the shootout that occured in the frontier town of Tombstone, Arizona, between Wyatt, Virgil and Morgan Earp (plus their friend, Doc Holliday) and the gang of outlaws who called themselves “the Cowboys” - known as the gunfight at OK Corral. I will talk just about the movie here (since the historical truth is a little different, and a compare-and-contrast historical analysis is not what we need right now).

So, Wyatt Earp got famous being the marshall of Dodge City, while also being a pacifist and trying to avoid starting conflicts as much as possible. Tombstone was supposed to be his retirement - he wanted to settle down, finally having his family around, and earn some money for a comfortable and silent life. He came to Tombstone together with his two brothers and their wives; upon arrival, he found out that his best friend, Doc Holliday, also ended up in the town, searching for his luck and trying to cure his TB - an illness that will later kill him at the age of 35.

We meet Wyatt Earp when he has people closest to his heart right around him, and is very content with his life. He is also very adamant to leave the past and the fame behind, and start a completely new chapter in Arizona. The Earp brothers find out very quickly, however, that Tombstone is very far from the sleepy abode the name might suggest. The town is full of colourful characters - gamblers, gunslingers, preachers, prostitutes, outlaws etc. And of course there is a conflict boiling just below the surface.

Unwillingly, one by one the Earp party is pulled back into being the law officers again, and into the bloody frontier war.

SPOILERS AHEAD (you know, if you wanna watch the movie yourself)

So many themes here that remind me of SPN!

We have a duty bound man who meets a maverick and outgoing woman. She offers him excitement and adventures, and of course he falls for her, but doesn’t let himself have what he wants because of his mission, his situation (he was married at the time), and the need to act honourably. He is, however, perfectly aware of his feelings and that a part of this behaviour is fear of following his heart because he had never done this before in his life;

It takes a death of his closest friend to realize life is too short, and he should go for what he wants, which he does;

Before this, however, he follows the murder of one of his brothers by going on a shooting spree, and killing every bad guy he can find until they all are eradicated,

There is also so much gay subtext between two of the characters that the movie is always mentioned when “gay westerns before Brokeback Mountain” are discussed.

“Tombstone” as a lesson in gay subtext:

It is never mentioned in the movie that Billy Zane and Jason Priestley’s characters are gay. Yet, it is so obvious from the way they are portrayed that even people who are not used to reading subtext are perfectly aware the two characters are most probably lovers.

The characterization

The first thing we notice is the look of the characters. The two man are both dressed in a way that differenciates them from the enviroment around them - Billy Zane’s Fabian is completely different from the masculine world of the Old West, with his soft hair, boyish good looks, clean shaven face, and elaborate outfits.

Jason Priestley’s Billy is more in accordance with the tough world of Tombstone - he is the deputy sheriff after all, and can be tough when needed - but still, in his time off he is portrayed as soft, effeminate, especially while contrasted with the criminals he usually runs with. His outfit is not too different from everyone else’s, but he is the only person to wear a bowtie (everyone else wears neckties or bandanas) and spectacles. He is portrayed as a slightly weaker and more vulnerable person.

Exposition in relation to other characters

The two characters sexuality is shown, not talked about, especially through the kind of interractions they have with other people.

We meet Fabian when he steps out of a carriage, all confident, flamboyant, well-groomed and witty. His person awakens the reaction in the manly-men of the West, which is shown by Morgan Earp asking the local sheriff “What kind of town is this?” (at which point Wyatt shushes him, as if he said something offensive).

To hammer the point home, Fabian is an actor who travels with a gorgeous woman, but obviously has no sexual interest in her - they are best buddies who ogle the Earps together, and comment on their attractiveness.

As for Billy, we meet him when he arrives at the theatre to see the actors’ performance, and right away he is shown bullied by the Cowboys. The quips obviously refer to his sexuality (“Hey, sister boy, gimme some!”). He doesn’t try to shoot them down, just tries to avoid being touched. Quickly he is “saved” by the leader of the gang, and seated beside him. Shortly afterwards the camera shows us the difference between the Cowboys and the deputy sheriff’s approach to Fabian onstage (mocking vs in awe).

Later, during a blink-and-you-miss-it moment, Billy grabs Fabian in the saloon, and cordially invites him to his table. This is the last time we see the two men together, alive.

Fast forward to the end of the movie: Billy is riding around with the Cowboys while Wyatt Earp runs around, shooting everything he can find. The outlaws stop a carriage and find the actress and Fabian in the back: the actor is dead, shot by the Cowboys. Everything here happens completely beside the dialogue and the rest of the scene. Billy watches dead Fabian while the actress holds her dead friend, and angrily discusses the war with the leader of the gang.

(Just for your viewing pleasure, I created THIS GIFSET of the scene)

It is never said out loud that Bily and Fabian are lovers. It is still pretty damn obvious. It is perfectly clear from the way they are presented, their interactions with other characters, and the (very limited) onscreen interactions with each other.

“Tombstone” is a cowboy movie that takes a step towards the actual reality of the Wild West, and makes it almost textual. Homosexuality was a natural part of the cowboy lifestyle - it was after all a society full of men, where the men to women ratio was around 8:1. Everyone had needs, not everyone had money, and love and sexual encounters between men were as common as in any other, similar enviroment. There is a reason why the uber-masculine cowboy stereotype is one of the main figures in American gay iconology - think everything from “Midnight Cowboy” to The Village People and “Brokeback Mountain”.

Why Davy Perez chose to call his episode after the kettle-market town in Arizona, but also after the movie with such a strong gay subtext?

WE MAY NEVER KNOW!

#spn vs tombstone #spn 13x06 speculation #pop culture references #gay subtext #destiel #spn season western romcom 13 #yeehaw

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whothey7 · 4 years ago

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So my Among Us OC’s

Pink (she/they. Feminine presenting enby. Prefers they/them but alright with both, lesbian) short blond/pink hair, tan skin. White patterned shirt with a pink shirt over it. Cute flowy white skirt. Sweet, empathetic, and understanding. Heavier than average and short (my physical body). Archetype: The Truth Teller. They can’t lie, but you can’t lie around them. They can read you like a book. (Win Rate: 90/10 crewmate/imposter)

Green (he/they. Guy but comfy with they/them too, Aromantic Asexual). Dark brown hair, tan skin, one brown one green eyes. A white/black striped shirt with green overalls over. A green jacket and brown choker over that with a newsies style cap and some goggles. Tall and thin. Intelligent, paranoid, resourceful. Archetype: The Detective. They will figure you out, so you better kill them fast or else you are done for. (Win Rate: 60/50 crewmate/imposter)

Blue (he/him, Bisexual) shaved head, dark skin, and blue eyes. A casual blue shirt. Nice grey pants. Muscular. Social, Leaderlike, Calm. Archetype: The Leader. He keeps the group steady and reasonable. They also tend to stay in larger groups, if only to make sure the others are alright. They don’t do this when imposter, so they aren’t hard to read. (Win Rate: 70/40 crewmate/imposter)

Purple (she/her, Panromantic Asexual) Long blue/purple shading hair, pale skin, and blue eyes. A nice white dress with a flowery purple pattern. Thin and average height. Pleasant, sneaky, and quiet. Anything they say they say for a reason. Archetype: The Snake. They always seem innocent but will set people up against eachother without anyone realizing. When they don’t need to lie, they do whatever it takes to avoid suspicion. No matter their role they fake tasks, and when this is realized they can get voted out as a crewmate. She never votes as the crewmate until she is sure. (Win Rate: 30/80 crewmate/imposter)

Red (all pronouns, polygender, pansexual) Red long hair shaved on one side, dark skin, brown eyes. Dark orange/red oversized shirt, leather jacket with patches, and long black pants. Average weight, shorter than average. Loud, aggressive, hostile. But they are like this no matter what. Archetype: The Skeptic. They will accuse you for anything, no matter their role. This gets them killed unless they are playing with a group who knows them well. (Win Rate: 20/30, crewmate/imposter) not great but gets tasks done

Yellow (he/him, homosexual) Short, pale, light brown fluffy hair. A cowboy hat, yellow shirt, a black skull pin, and tan pants. Small and thing. Perceptive, Instinctful, Trustworthy. They are the person who you feel bad killing, but they don’t feel bad killing you. They have no life preservation and follow the most suspicious person. Archetype: The Child. You feel protective of them and they rarely get voted out. They run by instinct and offhandedly accuse the imposters correctly but never pushes. Everyone treats them younger than they are. (Win Rate: 60/50, crewmate/imposter)

Black (he/him, homosexual) Messy/neat grey hair, tan, and stormy blue eyes. Very dark blue shirt with a black leather jacket. A yellow pin with a flower on it and black pants. Average height and weight. Quiet, focused, quick. For some reason never imposter. Archetype: The Task Master. They focus on the tasks, and when they finish stay near cameras or follow people they trust. (Win Rate: 60/40, crewmate/imposter)

Lime (she/her, Queer) Messy long lime hair, bright green eyes, tan skin. Stripped rainbow shirt and lighter lime overall/dress’. Short and thin. Loud, accusatory, unintelligent. Archetype: The Newbie. She only joined the ship/started playing because her brother did. She follows him around or struggles to play. She is likable though and almost never killed. She almost always trusts the wrong person. (Win Rate: 15/40)

#among us #pink #green #blue #purple #red #yellow #black #lime #characters #please ask me questions about them

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hipandcriticalblog · 8 years ago

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Man vs. Masculinity pt.1

May 4, 2017

With this series of writings, I hope to discover more about masculinity and how it affects the common man, more specifically its emphasis on the black man in America.

I plan to gather information from personal experiences, interviews with other men, and other literary works about masculinity to help answer some key questions. Part one will consist primarily of interviews from men considered to be millennials. Part two will focus on men 30 and up, while part three will look at masculinity from the perspective of women. My goal - purely motivated by curiosity, is to satisfy the urge to understand more about myself as well as human nature regarding men.

What is Masculinity and who is affected by it?

The dictionary vaguely describes the masculinity as: the possession of qualities traditionally associated with men. With this definition, it is not directly implied that masculinity only applies to men nor does it follow a set of specific characteristics. Instead, it suggests that manliness rests completely on the culture of the people. If this is the case masculinity, or manliness, is not a monolith - meaning that it can vary greatly between different groups of men (or women).

So how does it apply to the black man of America? In my youth, I thought of a man of being a strong, hairy, muscular figure (much like American superheroes), with the capability to achieve almost anything. Men were who you turned to when you needed something done. They were the ultimate problem solvers, able to lift and move the things that I was too weak to. They were the facilitators of obtaining wealth, by giving me dollars to chase down ice cream trucks, and the ones to bring down a harsh punishment when I committed a household crime.

In parts of my interview with Charles Davis, a 20-year-old cook and artist, he revealed that like my own childhood depiction, he had very similar ideas of what a man was.

What do you think it means to be a man?

A man is a provider, protector, and a warrior. He takes care of his own by any means necessary.

What was your image of a definitive man as a child versus now?

Someone who loved his family and someone who is kind. Still is now, just now I have more respect, it’s hard out here.

If your son were to ask you right now how to be a man, what would you tell him?

Just be about your word. All a man has is his word, and his word is bond.

Masculinity in Practice

Having these views and images of what a man is, how many of us actually live up to these depictions? Eric Garland, a business advisor, says all American men grow up with figures that reinforce these types of attributes of a man. In his article, The Crisis of American Masculinity Garland writes,

“ Every male in America grows up with these older images of masculinity - soldier, cowboy, farmer, family man- and fewer men than ever are able to connect their real lives to those archetypes.” In my interview with Charles Davis, he agrees with this idea, explaining he doesn't fully feel connected to his own depiction of a man. When asked how does he describe his own masculinity, he responds by saying its “a subtle form of masculinity.” But what brings about this disconnect? Are we setting our expectations so high that they are just not achievable? Or has something changed that renders this form of masculinity irrelevant?

When looking back on the definition of the word masculinity, it says that it depends on the traits traditionally associated with men. If these traditions have changed, where does that leave our view on men? In my experiences from growing up from childhood through my teen years, violence and aggressiveness became the main attribute of masculinity. Having to prove that you are stronger than everyone else, through aggression and imposing your will upon others through force became the new way of the man. This new-found aggression however, has bred a negative form of masculinity, hypermasculinity. Hypermasculinity is a psychological term for the exaggeration of male stereotypical behavior, such as an emphasis on physical strength, aggression, and sexuality. This form of masculinity becomes extremely dangerous to everyone who lives outside of this archetype, and even to some that do.

Some of the most targeted by hypermasculinity are, women, homosexual men, and young men. I think the reason that these people are targeted, is because they pose the biggest threat to masculinity. When asked what he thinks is the biggest threat to masculinity Davis responds, “To be honest with you as shallow as it is, a strong independent woman. I feel, if she's so independent, all I am is just a mate, not a provider, because she can do that on her own. Just feels like that would make me useless”. In regard to same sex love, it’s viewed as perverse and unmanly to those living by the code of hypermasculinity. It undermines what they feel a man should be. But if someone is gay, can they not truly still be a man and hold some of the same views of that of a heterosexual man? The answer to this question isn't something as easily found. As I go back to my interview with Davis, we briefly touch upon the topic.

Do you think sexual orientation affects manhood?

Yes.

How so?

Honestly, I don't know. Some gay men are more aggressive, some straight men like myself are more passive, there's no clear answer if that makes sense.

But I wonder what are the views of the subject from someone who is homosexual. With the urge to discover more I interviewed Brian Whitsett, a 23-year-old man who works in retail. In the interview with Mr. Whitsett, I ask similar questions that I did for Davis, but also questioned what shaped his view on masculinity.

What do you think it means to be a man?

To be a man? To be strong! Never cry, don't show emotion, take care of everyone else no matter what! I don't personally believe this but this is what we are taught! I believe that being a man is just being the best “you” you can be.

How would you describe your masculinity?

My masculinity is different from the way the world will describe masculinity. My masculinity is open; it has emotions, it's not closed up like we are taught growing up as black men.

What experiences do you think helped shape your view on masculinity?

Hmmmmm. A lot. The school and community I went to and grew up in. Growing up in the church and the different men in my life.

What role does a woman play in defining your manhood, if they do at all?

A lot. They teach you that manhood is not a steel door with no emotions. It opens and talks and feels. It’s like watching Angel Beats, and it loves hard.

Do you think sexual orientation affects manhood?

Yes, it does.

How so?

Sometimes when you decide to be with someone of the same sex, some guys are more feminine then other guys, and they take on a feminine personality and they forget that they are still a man.

What do you feel threatens your masculinity?

My sexuality.

Looking back at the interview, Brian reinforces the ideals previously stated, while also revealing another important factor that plays a part in hypermasculinity. Having no displays of emotion. I can vividly remember being told by older male family members that boys don’t cry, whine, or even smile in pictures. This lack of emotional display coupled with the misguided need to express violence and aggression, creates a need to associate oneself with dangerous lifestyles. However, the thing I found most surprising about this interview was, that he felt his own sexuality was his greatest threat to his masculinity. His answer helps solidify the idea that homosexuality is indeed an enemy to hypermasculinity. Yet, I find this conclusion deeply unsettling. To have to constantly question your manhood, due to your sexual preference, is a struggle I will never be able to fully understand. After reviewing the interview, I had nothing but sympathy for anyone who is going through the same internal struggle.

Reflections

Looking back at my younger years, previous experiences with other men, and the two mentioned interviews, I’ve started to get a new understanding of what masculinity means to me. By looking at what threatens masculinity, it shows me that it is homophobic and misogynistic in nature. Not only does it seek to victimize homosexual men and women, but it also leaves those following its code emotionally disconnected from themselves. It strips away one’s ability to express love, sadness, loneliness, and compassion and replaces it with aggression and violence. This notion that a man must live up to these dangerous ideas, wreaks havoc on the black community.

It glorifies violence as being manly, and helps push young men into the vicious lifestyle of drug and gang culture. It also promotes the stereotype that all black men are violent thugs. It traps a man’s mind into holding these views as gospel. Although I do believe there is way disengage from this harmful ideology, it requires one to interact with those whom have already been labeled a threat to the person seeking to escape. Some men maybe won’t even think there is another way to live after years of indoctrination into this set of beliefs.

Even after coming to these assessments of masculinity and its hyper form, I wanted to still get another perspective from someone else. This lead me to interview Greg. A new father of a young son, and a man who works in the home aide profession. Within our interview, he shows to have a negative outlook on masculinity.

How would you describe your masculinity?

Honestly in and of itself it's fragile. Never self-defining, it always relies on the set standard - even when I know that it's toxic.

Is masculinity something you’re born with, is it something that’s earned, or is it taught?

I think at the end of the day it's something that is taught. I had no concept of it growing up and that was fine, until others told me that I was doing it wrong.

What experiences do you think helped shape your view on masculinity?

It has all but ruined sexuality and intimacy. The unbelievable standards and inability to access emotions for years has made it difficult to really invest myself in meaningful relationships especially platonic ones. Especially things such as being told that men do not cry and that I've got to be tough no matter what. There are times when people need a cathartic release and masculinity cuts that off. Then I recognize that it's also afforded me many opportunities that non-men don't get. So, the privilege is something that comes with its own set of guilt.

What was your image of a definitive man as a kid versus now?

As a child, I viewed a man as a big tough person who protected those near to him and always did the right thing. Now I know that a man is nothing but a person who identifies as such. The traits of being strong and passionate and everything else have manifested themselves in folks of all genders and associating them with myself seems more egotistical than anything.

What role does a woman play in defining your manhood, if they do at all?

Initially they played the entire role because manhood was nothing if not in proximity to the type of women that engaged with me. Still I hold on to the toxicity of it so especially women I know play a part in making sure that I stay responsible with my privilege and making sure not to use it to be abusive in any way, which is harder than it sounds. I have a duty to do my best for women because men like me have taken advantage of them for too long.

Did having a child change your view on manhood?

Absolutely, I now aspire first off not to pigeon hole my child into a lifestyle based on what's in their diaper. And should my child identify as a man I want to teach them not only the responsibility that comes with privilege but also how to reject those toxic roles to lead a more fulfilling life.

If your son were to ask you right now how to be a man, what would you tell him?

Simply to feel as such. I'd tell Amal that being a good person is so much more important than being a man.

In this interview with Greg he seems completely aware of the negative circumstances that are associated with masculinity. He sees the affect that masculinity has on others, as well as himself. Other than him pointing out the flaws and ugliness of masculinity, he speaks about the privilege of being a man. Even though he knows he is plagued with the burden of masculinity, he still knows that he has a privilege above other people by just being born a male. The thing that stood out to me the most in this interview, was what he would tell his son. Not to be an alpha male, or unemotional, strong, but to just be a good person.

In summary, I have uncovered an old view of masculinity and witnessed its transformation into perverse set of ideals. In the next series of writings, I want to dig further into this ideology, by interviewing an older group of men.

J. Covington (Jamm)

#think piece #man vs masculinity #j. covington #jamm #hip&critical #man

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