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imnotgrimimjustagrumpyreaper · 3 years ago

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Everything you never thought to ask and never wanted to know about my Josépan playlist/history with and opinions of the ship.

Intro:

The journey of this playlist has been a long one, starting on Amazon Music and my old, janky and now defunct Ipad.

STRAP IN, CHILDREN AS I TAKE YOU BACK TO A MAGICAL TIME WHEN NEITHER LEGENDS OF THE THREE CABALLEROS; NOR THEIR CAMEO IN DUCKTALES HAD BEEN ANNOUNCED YET, MY BLOG ON TUMBLR DIDN’T EXIST (THOUGH I WAS LURKING) AND PANCHITO WAS STILL THE LEAST POPULAR CABALLERO, otherwise known as around late 2017.

A word on the origins of the playlist:

The playlist was not initially Ducktales focused because the two didn’t exist in Ducktales yet. I was rather unenthusiastic back in the day about this ship (oh how the times change) but I had stumbled across a song that didn’t fit them and Donald but fit just them very well and wanted to make an animatic of it. So, I cobbled together some songs I thought fit the vibe and made a playlist.

The history behind the story that inspired it:

I’ll spare you from starting at the very beginning. But, when “The Town Where Everyone was Nice” premiered I was already thoroughly and utterly obsessed with the cabs; I remember how beyond ecstatic I was for the episode. My hype for the Ducktales versions of José and Panchito continued far beyond what seems to have been normal for the average cabs fan. I found myself drawn to the ideas put forth by those versions of them. I don’t really remember what the tipping point was for me to break down and make my own college AU but eventually I did. It was affectionately dubbed “The TV Show That Will Never Happen AU.” José and Panchito were enemies to lovers or at least to friends. And it was around that time I began to go CRAZY with the headcanons as I got more active in the fandom. While my ideas for the Ducktales versions of them grew and grew, so too did the time between them appearing in “The Town Where Everyone was Nice” and their alleged next appearance in the show. When fans noticed the distinct lack of José and Panchito in the season two finale of Ducktales, Francisco Angones, @//suspenderofdisbelief on Tumblr answered these two separate asks that I might have engraved on tombstone one day:

I was GONE for the ship after that. I developed another AU for them based around their time in Baia trying to get people to fund their attempts to become famous musicians. Also, slowly falling in love... It was affectionately titled “The Fan-Comic that Will Never Happen” but not yet connected to my college AU. I don’t have much of a timeline for it after this point, but with that AU I really hit my stride for interpretations of the two characters and their dynamic. The version of them I hold dear in my heart and headcanons came to be. Then “Louie’s Eleven” came out and absolutely destroyed a lot of my headcanons (just kidding, just kidding). Since the new canon material didn’t really jive with a lot of the wholesomeness I had built up I was left with a lot of something else: angst. I LOVE angst, but the two’s bitterness and arguing...It was hard to accept at the time. Me and @cartoon-lizard on Tumblr, my IRL best friend, wound up writing a Josépan fic fueled on a bit of that angst and by her grace, a lot of my headcanons. I titled it “My Reverie is Being Haunted by That Ass.” In it Panchito makes an ass (rimshot noises) of himself by running off with a producer he met by chance during a visit in Duckburg to try to become famous. And doing so without so much as a second thought to the person he’s been living with/sort of dating for over a year. It took me a while but eventually I figured it out. These weren’t three separate AUs, these were three separate pieces of the same AU. And so my masterpiece never meant to be made came to be: “The Trilogy: College/Baia/Reverie.”

“The Trilogy” Itself:

The story will never be written for a variety of reasons, personal and practical. But if it ever were to be written it would be three separate fics, aka: College, Baia and Reverie.

College encapsulates their college years (duh).

To set the stage:

Panchito: A friendly, arrogant and easily excitable musician with big dreams, good grades and a whole lot of anxiety and insecurity. He has complicated feelings towards his identity as both trans and pan and how that might affect his dreams of becoming famous, but is overall bright eyed and innocent enough.

José: A lazy (depressed), charming, pessimistic, tbh kind of a douche and deep in the closet gay man. He tends to push forward a very “Manly man” persona to make up for his own deep seated internalized homophobia brought on by a shitty upbringing. He just got away from said shitty upbringing and doesn’t really have any hopes for his future...Maybe to travel a bit?

José and Panchito start as enemies, both fearing losing their one real friend, Donald, to the other. Despite this the three start a band and the two’s rivalry becomes far more friendly. They get particularly close during the trip down to Acapulco for spring break where the general feeling of being disconnected from life and reality leads to several rather romantic moments between the two...They almost become a thing several times but never quite do. However, they are very good friends by the end of college. The three stay in contact for a while after college but eventually lose touch…

Baia timeskips forward 13 years later (I know it's only 10 canonically, I always say 13 for reasons) to a conversation between Panchito and José on the Sunchaser at the end of “The Town Where Everyone Was Nice.”

Panchito: Life hasn’t been kind to Panchito...His need to be famous, to be something in order to be someone has led him to push a lot of people out of his life so he can better focus on “Work.” Or drive them out by constantly asking for their support, financial or otherwise. He has no friends and even his relationships with his loving and supportive family are strained. Currently, he’s working freelance as a performer at childrens’ birthday parties (in his eyes: a clown) and goes home to a sad, empty apartment every night to stare at a notebook full of half written songs and muster enough energy to eat cereal for dinner for the third time in a row. Needless to say, his optimism is wearing thin.

José: A lot of hard work on his part, some good therapy and mmm; drugs have put him in a pretty good place. He’s more or less got his life together now, is way less of a douche and is more of a realist than a pessimist. He’s also pretty much completely comfortable in his identity as a gay man. He’s been trying to explore romantic relationships, but unfortunately (likely due to the loveless marriage between his parents making him strive so hard to believe that love is real that he puts the unrealistic goal of true love above all else) feels incomplete without one and double unfortunately has a tendency to be drawn to toxicity and abusive situations. So other than a string of (short lived) bad relationships, he’s actually doing great!

Panchito has already asked Donald to drop everything and stay with him down in Baia to try to get funding for the band. Donald said no. José has a steady job, a decent apartment and a supportive friend group back home. He's also long since lost interest and hope in their college dreams of being famous...José says yes. The two have a bunch of wild and wacky shenanigans trying to get funding and both dance around their growing feelings for each other until it explodes and overwhelms them. They rush into a romantic relationship head first with no real ground for it to be built on and unrealistic expectations of what the other can give them. Despite all this, things seem quite happy...for a while…

If you've made it this far, <3, CONT. in pt 2.

#the word of grim #please god don't actually try to read the whole thing #Josépan #panjosé #José x Panchito #panchito x josé #shades of red and green #pt. 1 #this is really meant for my peeps on the cabs discord but if you see this and are inclined to read it #please do I will cry #but like...skim it...

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basketcasemp3 · 3 years ago

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Hi can you please give your thoughts on ep4 and what you think about the last, like, 10 minutes of the episode?

I loved Allison taking charge and also taking care of Patty and also coming clean about what the drugs were for and telling Patty off and telling her what kind of person Kevin really is and. God it’s so good and so sad.

My theory is that Patty didn’t know the depths of Kevin and what he’s capable of, partially because she wasn’t close to Allison and didn’t know her side until that night. I thought her “it seemed harmless” was more her realizing what exactly was going on all this time.

i feel the same way! i loved that they basically spent the whole episode having all these characters say or imply that patty was more "street smart" and therefore "stronger" than allison because she has this sweet housewife vibe to her but when there was an actual situation that needed someone to take control of, it was her instead of patty. this reaction is probably a preview of whats to come for allison, in terms of being able to take control of her own life, as well as how she might possibly handle it if she does actually kill kevin

as for patty, im really glad that allison came clean to her about how she feels. patty is supposed to be this representation of the "one-of-the-guys" girls where we're supposed to think that shes happier hanging with neil & kevin than allison and she represents the toxicity that can come with that. in the 3rd ep, we basically have confirmation that shes not happier that way and would actually prefer to be with allison than dealing with whatever stupid shit neil & keving were doing, which i find very interesting for her. patty only had her brother & dad growing up, so i think we're supposed to take that for her being comfortable with men, but theres a reason she was so quick to let allison be her friend. her saying "it seemed harmless" was, for me, her realizing that the stupid shit kevin was doing wasnt funny because it was hurtful. and it wasnt harmless because it did actual harm. i dont think she ever really considered before that allison has to face consequences for the things that kevin does, and that her alignment with kevin before the show started was an encouragement of his behavior. obviously, im not blaming patty for any of the things kevin does but i loveee that shes seeing where allison is coming from and realizes that her own behavior was hurting someone else. the through-line in the episode of allisons anxiety over not answering her phone when kevin called ending with kevin literally calling the cops on them was, imo, what opened pattys eyes to kevins childish behavior actually being like. at the very least, unhealthy. its hard to find out that someone you like is actually a really shitty person and that line of "he was harmless" is clinging onto this idea that hes a good person, but after saying it, she pretty much knows that her friend actually sucks! the shows told us that shes a good person, so i think she understands that "jokes" arent funny when theyre hurtful and she probably feels some shame from participating in something that caused allison pain

pattys seen allisons behavior up until this point, and i think their conversation at the end of the episode makes her add up all the little things in her own head. shes intuitive enough to understand that allisons desperation wasnt from trying to get away from a stalker, it was from trying to get away from kevin. its not just that he called her hundreds of times in 1 day because he simply couldnt handle being on his own or how he called the cops or the anecdote about allisons former job, its all of it plus the in-between "shenanigans" that we havent even seen, stacked up on top of each other with a nice big label of "selfish pattern of destructive behavior thats ruining allisons life." this conversation happened wayy before i thought it would but im glad it did because its a turning point in allison & pattys friendship, now that allisons true motives are revealed. i find it so interesting that allison just. told her what she wanted to do, instead of other shows that would probably have patty find out in some convoluted murder mystery way. the show is about allison wanting to murder kevin but its not! the point isnt whether or not shes gonna do it/get away with it, its about how and why shes planning it in the first place. and i certainly dont think that pattys gonna be on-board for murder in the next episode, so i hope they spend awhile having these 2 women exploring the choices that allison actually has to escape her life and what both of them are willing to live with

#kevin can f**k himself #kcfh spoilers #ik from pattys pov she doesnt know this but kevin doing an escape room from marriage #and being annoyed at the nice thing allison did for him (preparing his dinner) while also calling her a bunch of times #and then when allison finally called him upset abt the cops and he was like 'aw what if someone had stolen my car :(' 🔪🔪🔪#ask #the problem is im coherent in my head but once i try writing it down it all becomes a jumble #so i hope this is what you were looking for?#anyway thank you for asking me smth that i could think abt at work all day #text

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rip-a-dip-dip-you-potato-chip · 4 years ago

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what have I created?

idk if yall like this, but they just exist not i guess :/

ok the the first one is Royalty AU

first things first, when I say Royalty AU, I don't mean the classic shit we've all become accustomed to. Im talking about the good old Chinese royalty! And I want to emphasize that these guys will/should be dressed in century appropriate attire. As someone thats read a handful of 'marinette, princess of china' fics from the ML Fandom, I've noticed a common trend. Marinette wouldn't be in the culturally appropriate clothes, always ballgowns. Not that there's something wrong with it, its just most of if not all these fic are set in China, so I'd expect Chinese royalty to dress as THERE dress code calls for. And since this AU takes place far in the past like, it won't make sense for any of the characters to be in royal clothing that wasn't from there region. I'm not trying to white knight/gatekeeping. Im Guyanese not Chinese. But since JTTW and Monkie Kid take place in China, it's only right. In my opinion that it. You don't have to outright agree with me.

With out of the way, it's time for that good old AU crack

- Wukong is the king of the Flower Fruit kingdom(or a different one if you'd like, again I'm only familiar with what western culture has taught me, but I'll try my hardest)

- he’s single but rumor has it he used to/still is dating the Vigilante/thief The Six Eared Macaque

- *chants ShadowPeach violently*

- no one know whether it true or not

- On of his wanders around the kingdom he finds an abandoned baby in a basket.

- and no shit sherlock it's fucking baby Xiaotian

- I think we all know where this is going because i'm a simp for Monkey Dad & Monkie Son shenanigans

- Xiaotian becomes prince

Shit, ill be referring to Xiaotian as Mk from now on, I mentioned this before in a fic I wrote for lmk that Mk's a nickname for Xiaotian for some reason- wait i don't have to explain my self to you people!

- Sun loves his son

- MK is treated differently by staff and others because he's not blood related to the king

- no one mistreats MK per say, because there King loved his adopted son, but words are said behind his back

- Sometimes MK hears what’s said, and he feels as if he won't live up to his dad’s legacy.

- He meets Mei during a festival

- Mei is from a noble family, that wouldn't mind if they got a connection into the royal family.

- but it becomes hella clear to Mei’s family very fast that the two are just friends, and will always will be. but hey there daughter is bffs with the prince so that's a plus.

- the Demon Bull Family is rules a kingdom as well, I dont/am not creative enough to think of a name I leave that to you.

- It's a common misconception that DBK is a tyrant, when he’s not.

- most of the time...

- they have been at war with the Monkey King for some time now and settled for a peace agreement.

- that agreement being there sons to marry

- oooo original i know

- MK and Red Son are roughly the same age, Mk being 20 and RS 22

- RS is revolted/disgusted at the idea of being wed to the Monkey Kings child, even more so when he realizes MK is adopted,

- but, that all changes the second he meets MK while he meets him by accident when he gets kinda lost in the palace when he and his parents go to discuss the arrangements.

- the second he looks at MK, he's instantly in love. MK less so, he's nervous and honestly kinda bummed he's not marrying someone he loves but it's for the good of his ppl, and he'll do anything for them.

- RS isn't even aware that MK is Suns adopted son until MK walks him back to the meeting room.

"Oh There you are MK! I was about to have a servant go fetch you!" Sun Wukong says, gesturing for his boy to come sit with him.

"S-sorry for keeping you waiting I got caught up in my lessons with Mr. Tang" MK responds, sitting next to his father. Red Son looked gobsmacked. The beautiful young man he had bumped into, was the prince of this land? Damn, life truly blessed him. Or cursed him depending on how you looked at it.

- the two are left alone in a separate room for a while.

- And MK straight up tells RS why he's agreeing to this union.

"Look Red Son. I've dreamed about meeting my one true love for a while. And I would give almost anything for that dram to be real. But I wouldn't ever dare give up my people, for as there price they mean more to me. I'm doing this for them, no other reason" MK says, his back straight and hands folded neatly in his lap. The look in his eyes was a mix of sadness, but that was drowned out by loyalty and determination. It just made Red Son fall for him even harder. Clearing his throat Red spoke.

"I understand, for im doing this for the betterment of my people to. But I propose a wager"

"A wager?"

"Yes, if i can make you fall in love with me by years end, before our marriage, we can live together like in the fairy tales from far away. But if I fail, in a years time afterwards you will be permitted to find your own path in life" Red Son stated. MK took a moment to process what was happening.

"So, if you succeed in making me fall in love with you, before our marriage we can live happily ever after?" Red Son nodded in response, letting the younger continue.

"And if I shouldn't fall for you, in a years time after our union, im free to leave?" Red Son nodded once more.

"So, what do you say?"

...

"Deal"

In the end, your free to choose their fate, should Red Son win the hart of Mk? Will he fail? Or will he let him go, and let him travel the country, after all Mk's a free spirit and keeping him trapped in a big house is like keeping a cannery trapped in a cage only for its song, only for it to dul. Or will the unthinkable happen and will both boys find their freedom? together or appart? I don't know, because that's all up to you 😉

personally, I’m partial to where MK and Red Son both find freedom together. Like they straight up run away together to somewhere far away and just live out there lives together.

this could also be genderbent thing as well. MK or Red as their respective counterparts. Again it doesn't have to be, but it’s whatever bro. im just spitting out the idea.

Also, there is a main side plot that they fight the WBS throughout the year as well, along with other shenanigans you wanna throw in.

____

The second is a My Hero Academia/BNH/MHA AU

truth be told i'm not a big fan of MHA i think it to over hyped(this is also coming from the same person that’s a Fairy Tail fan lol), and the fandom i don't even know how to describe that mess, but I will admit not the whole of its toxic since every fandom has some toxic members, some even more so.

I just sometimes find myself enjoying MHA AUs like the Fullmetal Alchemist, Danny Phantom, Evil!Deuk AU and several others.

to make it clear I don't see this AU taking place the same time as the main plot of the actual Anime/Manga. This could be either like 6-10 years before or after the plot idk bro. But i’ll do this after the main story plot of MHA, so keep that in mind ya? another thing, the gang is still in China, the top hero school in the world just so happens to be in Japan, and it’s only ever mentioned by Sun wukong and other pro heros. So MK never attended AU. in short it’s only ever mention/ reference.

- Mk was considered Quirkless as a kid.

- he was just a late blumer, i swear

- Mai’s Quirk is called Dragon.

- it pretty much works the same way as it does in the show(duh)

- Tang’s got a knowledge Quirk,

- my man can retain information and he’s basically an archive of information drawback being his personality lol

- Piggsy is a Animal that gained a Quirk

- in cannon to my current knowledge, there are two other characters that can confirm animals can become sentient. the characters being Fumikage Tokoyami, & Nezu the principal at the school UA.

- Sandy is just Conner Kent, aka he like superman but can't fly, or shoot lasers from his eyes. And blue.

I have two scenarios for Macaque and Wukong

*- The first one is that, Sun Wukong & Macaque are brothers. twins to be exact.

- they where legit people, but have mutation quirks that made them too like monkeys.

- the added powers were just a boues.

- Sun and Mac are close growing up, like there brothers but also best friends.

- the draw back to there quirks could honestly be whatever you want bro idk, same with the others tbh. Personally I like to think Sun just has lack of motivation, and Macaque needs to draw on other people's energy.

- Sun is a hero, Monkey KIng and Mac is a villain Six Eared.

- Sun was always treated has the golden child in the family, Mac always resented that, but there shitty up bring didn’t stop the two from being good brothers to one another.

- soon tho the resentment became hatred when Sun was able to attend UA in Japan, while Mac didn't.

- Mac be angy

- so he became a villain, and joined the Chinese branch of the LOV(league of villains)

- Sun doesn't know this till he finds out during the all out war during the main story. and by that time he’s a full on hero with is own agency(The Flower Fruit agency)

- when the hero's ultimately win and Mac is arrested

- This ultimately hurts Sun a lot, his brother was in jail now, arrested for his involvement and wrong doings, he knew nothing about this! this brother, his blood. A bad guy? why? he hadn't seen his brother since he left for UA, he hadn’t seen him when he came home, and started his agency.

- this just puts Sun into a funk so he’s not as active as he used to be, and he starts thinking he might need a successor

*- The second one is that they were two separate people that had similar quirks and both attended UA but Sun ended up in the hero corse. so 1A.

- Both Macaque and Sun have similar quirks, Sun’s is obviously more light based while Macaque’s is more shadow based(this applies to the first one as well)

- Macaque was placed in class 1B, U.A.’s High's Heroics Department, I believe, you can correct me.

- In cannon Class 1A and 1B both went to the training camp. I can see the teachers pinning Sun and Macaque against each other to hone their skills.

- And because of that they become great friends

- In fact when they graduate they both co-found there hero agency together in China and are a duo.

- But due to Monkey King’s popularity and Six Eared's association with shadows(people sometimes saying he has more of a villains quirk than a heros) the public see’s Macaque as Sun’s sidekick when thats far from the truth.

- now it’s up to you whether you think that Wukong and Macaque would be in a relationship together, but knowing how cooked we all are, ShadowPeach is a thing here more than likely.

- If you do or don’t support/ like the ShadowPeach aspect, the two would be living together regardless since its more cost efficient.

- They my be heroes but living costs are expensive!

- I would imagine there would have been a huge fight/argument between the two in privet of course, at there home.(or in there shared office if you want the extra angst of the other people they work with hearing them fight)

- If the two are dating, then this would either lead to an out right breakup, or Macaque just up and leaving with Wukong thinking he’ll come back once he’s cooled off. But after a week, with no sign of his partner, or him answering texts or calls, not even coming into work. Wukong gets worried that something might have happened to him. so there wouldn't be a confirmation if they were still a thing or not.

- But Wukong remains hopeful, despite the nagging at the back of his head, and gut telling him to go find Macaque, or atleast make a public statement, or even just tell another pro hero about it.

- on the not so shippy side, Macaque and Wukong still have there argument, and much like the ShadowPeach esc side, Macaque up and leaves, and isn't seen for weeks. the only difference here is that when Wukong comes home one night to there flat, most if not all of Macaques stuff is gone.

- where as if this was the ShadowPeach side, Macaque leaves all of his possession in the flat he and wukong share. for the simple reason being, he still loves him and wants to go back, but Macaque being Macaque can’t bring himself to do it, especially after seeing just how hurt Wukong looked when he yelled at him just before he left.

- in other words, ANGST DIALED UP TO A 10 BABY

- in either case, its a news report that confirms Wukong's suspicions that he desperately didn’t want to believe, and that is Macaque turning into a villain.

- much like if the two were brothers, Wukong just can’t take it and is no longer as active as he once was, and is thinking about, either A) Retirement B) Saying, “Fuck Society, Be Gay Do Crime” and join Macaque as a villain himself, or C) find a successor, and a way to bring Macaque back to there side, but most importantly, back to him.

- also extra points if you're after people's hearts and want to make them suffer; - If there dating, Wukong curle’s up in the bed he and Macaque shared, holding/wearing something of great value to Macaque and just crying himself to sleep, where as Macaque is getting wasted on alcohol, as he stumbles out of the bar he’s in, he either see’s something that reminds him of Wukong or while he’s trying to put his wallet back into his pocket, a photo of them on their first date fall’s out. and Macaque just cries in a nearby alley way. And it’s there where he gets indoctrinated into the League.

- If there just friends, macaque heads to the nearest forest and just levels it, where as Wukong just gets engrossed into his work, trying not to think about it. you could add you own spin on this, again i'm just spitballing.

- NOW BACK TO MK! :D

- Obviously MK is a huge Monkey King fan

- at Twenty MK has come to terms he's quirkless (HE’S NOT)

-for ANGST reasons MKs fokes kicked him out at this realization at 13.

- he works at Piggsy's Noodle shop, and has been since he was 14.

- don't need a quirk to drive or cook!

- the boy lives a content life with his new family, till DBK happens :D

- DBK runs a Mafia(in conjunction with TLOV) and has been in jail for like 5 years thanks to Monkey King, PIF and RS brake him out one night when MK's out making a late night delivery since Piggsy had the bright idea to go 24/7 service!

- one thing leads to another and Mk somehow manifest what looks like the Monkey King's staff, but its not, it’s MKs powers, it just so happens to be the same power the Monkey King has. And it practically goes down the same way in the pilot.

- but unlike the pilot Mk and Mei go straight to the FF Agency, after making a panicked call to Pigsy and Tang.

- one way or another Mk are lead into Wukongs office. Mei being forced to stay in the lobby.

- they have there convo, butterfly monkey squishing included.

- "And so, I want you do be my success-" BOOM 💥

- from there they rush downstairs and see that the lobby has been infiltrated by the DB fam, and you know fight.

- once the DB family seems like there down, PIF wisks them away. Much to Monkey King’s displeasure.

From there stuff kind plays out like cannon, the calabash ep is just a conjoint quirk the Demon bros have. As for EP9, ill have to script that one out myself lol. I'll get onto it as soon as my will to commit stabs me in the face. Till then have a dancing Kermit the frog.

Now if you'll excuse me, am about to Kermit a felony :D

(For legal reasons thats a joke)

Psst @writingamongther0ses its done

#lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lego monkie kid au #rip a dip dip wrights

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hazard-queen · 4 years ago

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Hi can I request headcanons for Leona, Floyd, and Malleus, where the reader is jealous of them? I prefer fem!reader, but I don’t mind gender neutral. I have no idea if I broke any rules, so feel free to ignore this if you want. I love your writing btw, have a good day :)

Oya oya how are you?

Y you really love them? 0///0

Arigato!!!

Thank you! Have a good day too and take care!

Leona kingscholer

• Somehow you were jealous of him, you always looked away when you ever approached him!...why? I don't know!

• "What's wrong with that girl glaring at me like if i stole her food!!!"

• Leona talked to ruggie about how strange you act around him, but alas! Also ruggie has no idea what's wrong with you, what would made you hate him that much

• Leona isn't the kind of person who would care what would others think or say about him but you began to just....annoy him!

• "Oi! What's wrong with you, human?"

• Again you just ignored him and looked away and minded your own business, you just felt jealous because he lives the easiest life he could have and you are here magicless also struggle to live there and handle headmaster's messions! Also he don't treat his family well and also he's not that kind to his nephew while you just wish to see a picture of your family!!!

• "Don't speak to me!"

• You said as you walked away angry leaving the man dumbfounded there

• "Tch like if i ever would want to!"

• Ok he was loud enough and you heard him and good, you are going to begin a shenanigan here!

• "Oh well! I don't like talking to useless people!"

• Oh no!

• "What did you just say?"

• "I didn't talk to you!"

• Leona made his way to you and you could see just how mad he was as all students moved away, you felt good by making him mad but let's say you began to be scared from the dead glares you got.

• " I'M useless? See who's talking"

• Yeah you just said this to him but why did it hurt now? Are you probably....crying?

• He was concerned with your tears that you were whipping, tho he enjoyed the victory but why he feels bad about what he just said.

• "Fine you're not that useless!"

• "I'm not? I mean of course I'm not!"

• It's just funny having a troublesome girl like you around leona isn't it? I can see how fast you are gonna be the most stubborn friends in the whole college!

• "So...would the IMPORTANT lady take a walk with me to the cafeteria or not?"

Malleus draconia

• Deep down yourself you felt you're just judging him wrong...he can't be that cocky...he isn't, is he?

• He doesn't walk alone, he's just well guarded which gives you the feeling he's an important queen of neverland or something!

• Did i mention the guy called lilia that always appears upside down on your head every time you talk bad about malleus and say "how dare you to speak bad about the next head of thorns valley bla bla bla bla "

• Malleus kinda noticed how you strangely dislike him...i mean yeah people are afraid if him most of time and always avoid him but you already came from another world and you barely know him then why are you just like that!

• You sat alone in the library reading as usual (but i don't understand Japanese! D': ) and he took the chance to come closer to you, he took the seat in front of you, you just closed the book silently and prepared to leave

• "Why are you doing this?"

• His question stopped you

• "Doing what? Isn't that what other people do too? Aren't you actually used to that?"

• Your jealous of him turned to be....cruel? What you said actually made malleus somehow...sad!

• "Oh no! Are you sad? Shall i call lilia for you to comfort you or wait for your guard to yell at me to blow up my ears?"

• "Why do you hate me that much?"

• "Oh well good that you asked! You have everything!, you're smart! You're rich, your guards are surrounding you....not like me.....I'm all alone..."

• He gave you a soft chuckle

• "Are you laughing at me?!"

• "No but...people actually love you! Not afraid of you and avoid you like they do to me!"

• You kinda felt bad for what you said cause yeah people here love you and care for you while you noticed how they fear him and treat him bad

• " w well....i I'm not afraid of you!"

• A blush began to form on your face and that was so noticeable for him as a smile began to draw on his face.

• " i....i don't mind if you want to be a friend of mine!"

• "Are you sure about that? I don't think it's a good idea!"

• "I i don't care about what you think! Now accompany me in a walk to the garden and it would be better to hold hands!"

Floyd leech

• You hated it! They don't accept you in most of the activities just cause you're a girl! And he keep on just being.....tall!!!!!

• He fits in basketball team, swimming club! Magift and everything and he keeos on saying .

• "Hey (y/n) chan! Wanna join us?"

• "No!"

• "But why not?~"

• "Because you're.....boring!"

• Why did you call him that? The guy was trying to be kind to you only to get a harsh answer every time he try to talk to you.

• You left the place to mind your own business not to say anything nonsense again cause it seems his twin wouldn't like you to say something else to hurt his brother!

• It was lunch time and you decided to buy him shrimps to make it up to him, you're jealous but you're not a bad person after all!

• You saw him walking by with his brother and azul and as you saw him you ran to give him the grilled shrimps but you got an unexpected response.

• "Thanx but i can't take food from toxic people!"

• You froze in your place as that's kinda.....cruel!

• He even walked past you and left you standing there, uncontrollably tears run down your eyes as he was right, your jealousy turned you into a toxic person!

• But after all it wasn't floyd's idea so he felt weak towards your tears, he walked back to you and placed his hand on your head while your cheeks got red from crying, he bent down to your level and gave you a smile.

• "It's ok to feel jealous but don't let it blind you!"

• "I I'm not jealous!"

• "You are!"

• You kept silent and avoided his gazes to you

• "Come on we won't spend the whole day crying! If you want to join any team i would make them do it!"

• " r really? B but how?"

• "By force!"

• Doing his famous arm squeezing movement, he squeezed you in a big hug to announce your new friendship!

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twisted wonderland imagines #twst leona #twisted wonderland leona #leona kingscholar #malleus x reader #twisted wonderland malleus #twst malleus #malleus draconia #floyd leech #twst floyd #twisted wonderland floyd

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animegenork · 4 years ago

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Fruits Baskets Final Season Episodes 2 & 3

What? No, I didn’t watch these on the Fridays of the weeks they came out. No, I wasn’t dying from school---

Anyway, back to the grind.

Episode 2

I swear the gif search function HATES me and what I’m trying to do---

Anyway.

I would like to make this very clear. Shigure is a little bit evil. A little bit. But it’s mostly from being twisted by the zodiac curse and his strange form of love. So if you wanted to punch him this episode, that’s good. He needs to be punched. A lot. Like a lot. God, he’s so evil. Moving on.

So the episode begins with young Akito asking Shigure if he loves her. This is, as we’ve seen, something that Akito fixates on, mostly due to her father accidentally warping her with the idea of being eternally loved by the zodiac members. He responds with a very earnest love confession that sort of explains why they spend so much time together, but it also confuses things a bit, at least at first. What with the zodiac spirit, it’s unclear how much of Shigure’s love is real and how much isn’t up to him. That may factor in to whatever the hell is up with him now.

Cut to Tohru working on graduation ceremony flowers and nearly asking Shigure about breaking the curse. Of course, she can’t, because it’s hard to bring up, and she’s only seen 2 sides of Shigure at most. Naturally, he already knows what she’s thinking about, because he’s Shigure. He’s just that good.

Tohru continues to struggle even at school, when she realizes that there’s so much she knows that she probably can’t talk about with Momiji or Haru or anyone else. And since the curse is this ever-present thing to them, she’s not even sure if they’ll believe her or how they’ll react. Rin is the exception to this, of course, since she was already looking for information on it.

There are some shenanigans with the Prince Yuki Fan Club, and Tohru and Kyo are left alone (probably on purpose) by Hanajima, Uotani, and company. But I’ll get back to that in a sec.

Yuki tries to help out other classes with things, but they won’t let him because... well, uh, they think he’s too busy... and he... isn’t... I’m sorry, that’s just so funny to me. So anyway, he runs into Machi, who is being all adorable and stubborn because she wanted to say hello and chased him all over the school to do so. It’s cute, because Yuki’s not used to that much effort being put in to something for his sake. I love Machi like that UwU

Back to Tohru and Kyo, they’ve been waiting for HOURS. Tohru decides to tentatively try out her Kureno talking point, but as soon as she brings up the curse maybe being broken, Kyo tells her that hypotheticals like that are pointless (this is implied paraphrase). He does this mostly because he’s in that pit of despair of “I’m never getting out of this” but also because he doesn’t want to give himself a false hope that might never come true. Tohru, however, becomes sad, because of course she wants to save him from having to be locked away like the previous Cat. So there’s a bit of moment where she’s about to cry.

And then Kyo *sniffle* gives her a flower to make her feel better. *sobs*

Technically speaking, this scene should’ve been in the last season or SOMETHING, I honestly thought they WEREN’T going to put my FAVORITE scene in the anime, and then they did. What’s cute about this scene is how torn up Kyo is from hurting Tohru’s feelings, and how almost desperate he is to make her feel better. It’s a sweet moment, if slightly awkwardly animated, but it’s a rare Tohru and Kyo moment where they don’t even say anything and you can SEE everything they want to say. Of course, they’re interrupted, because they always are (HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT LIKE NEVER HAPPENS WHENEVER YUKI AND TOHRU HAVE A MOMENT?), but hey, I got my fluff, I am fed.

There’s brief mention of Rin and how Tohru hasn’t seen her lately, and I hate it because I know where she is.

Anyway, now on to Shigure being Shigure.

He’s torturing his poor editor again, and he walks away from what appears to have been a heated conversation with... HIS PARENTS. THEY EXIST. I dunno what it is with rarely seeing zodiac parents (besides the obvious cases of Kyo and Momiji), but there you have it. We see then that there’s a big Sohma dinner outing with Akito there, so clearly Shigure planned that. His skills of perception and foresight are serious scary, and I really wonder how the hell he developed them.

There’s a flashback to before Tohru and Kureno’s revealing conversation, and we see that Shigure hates Kureno for being so close to Akito. Of course, Kureno makes it clear that Akito doesn’t love him, that she’s always wanted.... well, he doesn’t say, but I think all of us are familiar enough with how this anime works that we know who he means. But Kureno basically wants Shigure to stop being so cold to Akito, and this is because of how much he wants to keep her happy more than any personal feelings about Shigure.

This is where it gets a bit dicey. I’ve actually got a strange fondness for this scene, if only because it sort of but also not really gets to the heart of why Shigure is the way he is.

Shigure appears in Akito’s room, and she’s basically jealous that he was out with another woman. Then she brings up his sexual relationship with his editor (nonexistent), which is rather petty, but then, when was this duo not about pettiness? The implication Akito makes is that he sleeps with every woman he meets (explains a lot). She then mentions that Shigure slept with Ren, Akito’s mother (I’m not going to touch on how screwed up that is), which is why he’s living in a house away from the main estate. Shigure acts all cool and says that was a long time ago, he’s been punished, but Akito points out that he almost wanted to leave. Which... he did, but not for any lack of love on his part. And he says that. He recalls the conversation we see at the beginning, in which he tells her he cares about her more than anyone else. Understandably, she’s frustrated, and she asks why he always tests her.

It’s because she slept with Kureno. Petty, I know.

The phone conversation comes back. Everything you need to understand about Shigure is in one sentence: “I love her so much that sometimes I want to spoil her rotten, and sometimes I want to crush her into a pulp.” This is nearly verbatim of the manga translation I read a long time ago, and it’s always stuck with me. The thing is, Akito was always told she’s special and she can do with the zodiac as she pleases (which she says directly in this episode). It seems a part of Shigure didn’t like that that extended to those that weren’t him (Kureno), and his love for her warped and twisted into this kinda toxic relationship. (Kinda, she says, as if it’s not very.) This makes him want to be kind to her, but at the same time, he wants to be mean to her and show her how much pain she’s put him through, too. It’s pettiness at its extreme, but it’s somehow more believable than other forms of petty jealousy I’ve seen.

Oh yeah, and then they have sex.

Once again, there’s brief mention of Rin, perhaps she’s in the hospital, we don’t really know. But the main part of this all is Shigure remembering that before Akito was born/in his life, he had always been sort of waiting for her, which is mostly the zodiac spirit talking but is also interesting nonetheless. How much of Shigure’s love is influenced by the zodiac curse? How much of it is him? I don’t know if we ever find that out, because frankly, the curse did a lot of things to everyone involved, including him.

I still love Shigure, don’t get me wrong, but this is SUCH an interesting episode.

Episode 3

Precisely the gif I wanted. Hehehe.

IT’S A MACHI EPISODE! AND I LOVE HER, SO THAT’S ALRIGHT!

Still pissed about Kyo’s screentime being so awful lately. ads;fkjsad;fklsda

Some student council shenangians occur as always, and it’s revealed that Nao has a crush on someone, which is why he declared Yuki to be his rival on day one. Also, Kimi is a golddigger.

Some girls come in and gossip about Machi making a mess again with one of her outbursts, and they mention a rumor about her trying to kill her brother, which is why she lives alone. Kakeru looks quite displeased to hear this, and Machi walks in on the conversation and runs away, with Yuki wanting to go after her.

Kakeru tells Yuki later that the rumor is “mostly true”--that is, that’s the story he’s been told as well. Of course, he’s wary to believe it, because while they’re not terribly close, he knows her a little better than the parents do. He then tells a story of seeing Machi making footprints in the snow, almost obsessively, and he’s not quite sure why she did it (but Kakeru has a Shigure streak, so I wonder if maybe he does know?).

So Kakeru decides to pull a sort of jerk move and visit Machi while with Yuki, and she tries to turn them away to no avail. Of course, Yuki isn’t put off by the mess, since he and Shigure used to live that way, so he’s all cheerful about it while Machi is dying in the corner. I will not talk much about the bra incident, but that was honestly the most hilarious few seconds.

Finally left alone, Machi asks why Yuki is there, assuming it’s about the rumor her classmates mentioned. She says she’s done trying to correct everybody, since no one ever seems to believe her anyway. (That is all too relatable, especially in high school.)

But Yuki doesn’t even mind. He asks something else instead: does she hate perfection? And she says yes. TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR.

Wait. My bad.

Anyway, Machi has a flashback to what I believe I’ve mentioned before, which is Machi’s mom forcing her to be perfect so that she could beat Kakeru in the succession war (England?) with her family. When that was called off, her mother would say right in front of her face (jerk) that Machi was boring. Machi asked her why she would say that when she was just trying to do what she was told. Her mother has the gall to be offended by the implication that it’s her fault (IT IS, YOU IDIOT--) and then turns around and says maybe she raised Machi wrong.

Here’s a hint: that’s not what you say to your CHILD.

Poor Machi didn’t know what to do with herself. What is she supposed to do if she’s just a “mistake” her mother made?

Yuki, in his cute way of knowing precisely what she means, tells her she’s worked hard to get where she is, and that he’s glad she’s here. She’s not used to compliments like that, and it’s a very sweet moment. That’s when she admits that she was just trying to take care of her brother, but her parents wrongly and automatically assumed she was jealous and trying to kill him (which says a lot about how god awful they are). And she’s finally able to let it out and cry with Yuki, who offers to go leave footprints in the snow with her.

My heart might’ve burst during that, not gonna lie--

I think my favorite part of the episode is the next day, during a student council meeting. A new, perfect box of chalk is placed in front of Machi, and you can see in her eyes that the perfection is about to make her snap. Yuki, knowing this, calmly reaches over and breaks a piece of chalk, ruining the “perfection” of it. It’s very sweet of him and a very cute moment for both.

Then we cut to Tohru handing Kyo a flower, which is whiplash to the previous episode I’m glad we got.

The next sequence was a bit confusing at first, as I thought we’d sort of covered this already in season one, but we get to see Motoko. She’s called Yuki out in order to tell him that he made her high school days happier, and that she truly loved him. Motoko also hopes that Yuki himself will find happiness, which I think is a nod at her recognizing Tohru’s influence on him. It’s kind of cute, because even Yuki seems to appreciate her words, and we get to cut to a nice graduation song that actually kind of made me cry.

Motoko is still in a classroom when someone finds her. It’s Nao, and it appears that she was the girl he was in love with, which I LOVE. I HOPE HE OR SHE OR THEY ARE HAPPY TOGETHER OR EVEN APART, JUST THAT HE EVENTUALLY GOT TO TELL HER OR SOMETHING AND AHHHHHH. He tells her that goodbye is not the end, and it always leads to “nice to meet you,” which is sweet for both of them, considering her graduation and his being left behind.

Then we get to meet Hiro’s baby sister, Hinata, a true cutie pie. I think I cried here, too, for different reasons.

Finally, we see Kagura having picked up Rin’s diploma (YAY SHE GRADUATED YAYYYY), and wondering where she is despite her mother’s warnings not to investigate. Hatori and Shigure are a bit suspicious, too, and we see Akito with a pair of scissors.... OwO

[I know what happened and I hate it.]

I’m glad I could finally do these, it’s been a couple of weeks of hell, to be honest. Hopefully, Fruits Basket will be back at it again and I’ll have something more to wax poetic about, haha. Thanks for reading!

#fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket final season #kyo and yuki loving hours #also tohru and machi loving hours #all day every day #i like how i highlighted these two couples with the gifs

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nightmarenoise · 4 years ago

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Some thoughts on TMNT 2012

I finished watching the entirety of the TMNT 2012 series a while ago and boy, do I have some thoughts™. First of all though, the following is going to be my opinions and you’re free to disagree with them. If you feel like attacking me for expressing these opinions though, I’m just going to have to ask you to take a minute and consider that you are about to be a bitch online over an eight year old children’s animated show, and that maybe you should find something else to base your entire identity around. Secondly, I don’t hate the show, not by any means. It was fine. It was fine. It was fine, you guys. I wouldn’t have watched it otherwise. I watched usually about half a season per day because I have too much time on my hands but if I do more than 13 episodes, my puny brain will implode. That being said, I understand that the binge watching might have affected my judgement, because having to wait for a new episode to air each week hits different, I know. Still, I came home after work each day, cozied up in bed and watched 13 episodes of turtle shenanigans before going to sleep and my sleep schedule has never been better. But I digress. Also, I will compare 2012 to Rise, because that’s the only other TMNT show I’ve seen and because this is my post and I want to and it’s only initially.

I feel like the main difference between Rise and 2012 is that Rise is a character-driven show, while 2012 is ultimately plot-driven.

Why do things in Rise happen? Because a character wants something (the boys want to buy their dad a nw robe, April wants to spend a normal day with her new friend, etc, those are just from the top of my head). The motivations are ultimately mundane, and then the story goes from there.

Why do things in 2012 happen? Because the plot said so. Sure, the characters grow and change, but they’re ultimately vehicles for the plot. We don’t really take a minute to let the characters breathe. Usually, things happen because the Turtles saw something on patrol and they’re on patrol because they know the plot is waiting out there to get them.

The show starts with April’s dad being kidnapped by the Krang (/Kraang? It’s unclear) and April herself being spared this presumably gruesome fate because Donnie saved her at the last second. She then goes on to live with an aunt we never see.

We also don’t see much of how this affects April at first. Sure, she is shown to be sad and wanting to get her father back, but the episode ends on the Turtles leaving her at her aunt’s place and then we’re done for the day. Hell, the next time we see April, she just casually drops by their place to show Mikey how to make online friends.

Maybe that’s just me being overly criticial, but I could have done with more time between those moments, showing her coming to terms with things, her normal day-to-day live, or heck, even just going to the lair for the first time.

But we don’t get that because plot has to happen.

April isn’t the only character who suffers from that, but I feel like it affects her the most.

The writers seem to have learned their lesson, because when April loses her dad for the second time, to mutation this time around, she blames the Turtles (which isn’t wrong) and then doesn’t talk to them for a month while presumably going back to her aunt, who I suppose never asks any questions. She only goes back to talking to them when Casey tells her a similar story and she realizes something something, hurting someone without meaning to. Which is fine, but it’s also not really, because it implies April being rightfully upset isn’t valid, because the Turtles didn’t mean to mutate her dad and it was an accident, but it feels like it tone polices someone for experiencing a loss and not letting her take some time for herself to come to terms with that.

But y'know we need her, in part because she’s The Special, but most importantly, so one of the most tedious love subplots can happen.

I know they explained April’s specialness as her being a human/Krang mutant and the Krang needing her unique brain to mutate the entire planet because …reasons. Except for when they later attack New Yok and then don’t need her for that anymore. On that note, I do not understand Krang’s plan at all. Time passes faster in their dimension and they’re kind of at war with the Triceratons and have trouble with the Utrom, so they want to leave (even though the Triceratons are clearly also in our universe, so why not pick a different dimension to take over entirely? There’s established to be ten) and mutate a planet to take over. This is all well and good, except they’ve been at it for about seven million years? Krang takes credit for creating the first humans with mutagen and it’s been mentioned that they steered human evolution to the point where they could create a human/Krang hybrid, such as April. But why did they only have one? They lost track of her when her dad and her fled to New York City, wouldn’t it have been more convenient to have more mutants to do their vague mutant stuff they require by the plot to take over the planet?

Even if we assume that this first mutation means that the first humans didn’t surface between seven and five million years ago, humans haven’t evolved that much in the last couple thousand years. Why wait so long? It must have been billions of years for the Krang.

I know it’s a cartoon and stuff, but they could have easily removed that problem by cutting the line about Krang taking credit for human evolution and for the Krang having been with us for thousands of years. It just creates problems.

Speaking of problematic, the romantic subplots. So, Leo wants to bang his sister, Donnie is creepily obsessed with the first human girl he’s ever met and Mikey is such a good boy, he gets two love interests, because one isn’t enough for all the love and goodness contained in orange boy. I still think it’s weird because all of these love interests are humans, but I gradually got over that. I managed to think about this without physically convulsing for ten whole minutes, for starts.

Okay, so Donnie/April is just bad. The writing and the execution are bad. The characters are fine, I love Donnie, even though he focuses way too much of his time and attention on obsessing over April, but I can let that go on account of him being a teen dealing with his very first ever crush. April though is frequently made to be a callous bitch who knows of his feelings and leads him on when she wants something, but pushes him away at all other times. I vividly remember the time New York was overrun by Krang and April helped Donnie bandage his injured arm and he was about to confess his feelings to her and she pulled too tight to get him to stop. Instead of being up front about it or just telling him that she either liked him or not or that now just wasn’t the time to focus on romance - all of which super valid in their own right. Rip the bandaid off, girl. None of them look especially good coming out of this.

It gets worse considering that after seasons of back and forth and even introducing Casey to give us a love triangle, everyone’s favorite thing in media and April redeeming herself by also being That Way to Casey and by redeeming I mean informing us that she just isn’t really fit for a relationship because she is very toxic in handling them, the whole thing is just kind of dropped forever. There’s no payoff. We spent so much time watching Donnie agonize over this, get worse, then get over his stalker-ish tendencies and get rewarded with a kiss and then nothing ever happens. They don’t even have a conversation about their feelings. The show tries to make it seem like there’s a special connection between April and Donnie because she kills him and then feels bad and brings him back, but, no. That’s not how any of that works. Ultimately this whole thing feels like a huge and infuriating waste of time. Fourth place. And that’s a kindness.

Leo and Karai get third place, mainly because of the incest. Neither of them is as toxic over this subplot and it also has the common decency of not taking up that much time, but it’s still weird. I don’t have much to say here. I guess it was dropped in the end, but maybe also not, but at least there weren’t 30 episodes about Leo agonizing over Karai while she was being weird and also she had her own thing going on and felt like a more fleshed out character than April despite getting less screen time. Third place.

Mikey gets silver because while he’s flirting with two human girls, they both seem to be exclusively into it and also he’s much more mature about dealing with it than his supposedly intelligent brother. Get this. Mikey, being mature at something. None of these ships are confirmed, but it’s a nice change of pace.

Raph takes gold because he fell in love with a girl after she beat the crap out of him and nothing is more valid than that.

Okay, the plot feels kind of rushed, in that they’re confessing undying love after kissing twice, but one, they’re teens and two, this is just the best we’re going to get out of this show.

Casey, well.

Casey exists. He doesn’t add all that much to the story. He has a delightful dynamic with Raph, coming in just after Slash confronted him with his worst traits and then reinforcing the “be a vigilante and do good”-angle and that’s nice. Outside of that though, he tries to hit on April, he hits things with his hockey sticks and I guess he has a family he cares about that we never see. Oops.

I’m very ambivalent about Splinter. I do get him and he’s a good sensei, but kind of a lousy father? Sure, his entire life went up in flames quite spectacularly, but as soon as he realizes his daughter is alive, he often seems to prioritize getting her back over the lives of the four sons he actually raised and spent the last fifteen years with? Also, he’s a dick to Mikey? He gets better later and then he dies. Hm.

Mikey wasn’t as annoying as I feared, going in. He was still stupid, but he had his moments. I also didn’t find him as funny as some of the writers probably hoped, but he was fine. He’s a good boy who deserved better every step of the way, but his brothers and Splinter are kind of not nice to him despite him being just as capable as his brothers. Neither is the show, often making him the butt of a joke or downplaying his achievements (producing super-retro mutagen, saving all his brothers from parasite wasps and the one time he saved the city from cannibal pizza it was treated like a “it was all a dream or was it” and nobody believed him). He doesn’t get a lot of development, but he’s the goodest boy.

Raph again surprised me. He arguably underwent the most development, dealing with his many demons and getting a grip on his temper. This was especially apparent in the Northampton arc when he did chores without complaint and helped Leo train.

Leo on the other hand, started as the leader of the team and ended the story as the de-facto leader of the family and also he was stronger now. I don’t know. Being a leader was his defining trait from start to finish and while he agonized over that, he wasn’t allowed much development outside of that. His first meeting with Karai introduced this subplot about him wanting to be irresponsible and do his own thing, but that was quickly dropped and never brought up again. I liked him best when he was being a dork over his favorite TV show or that time he went to space and on his first outing tried to hit on an alien lady. I would have liked to see more of that Leo, because that Leo was actually interesting.

Donnie, I don’t know. Most of his time was poured into the world’s worst romantic subplot and outside of that he had some traits, but he was mostly there so he could analyze things, develop antivenoms at the drop of a hat, finally create a retromutagen and build 152 vehicles. I like Donnie, but there isn’t much to talk about that isn’t directly tied to April. Except maybe how he promised to turn Timothy back into a human and then never did, even though we keep seeing his frozen remains in the back of the lab. For shame, Donnie. For shame.

To the show’s credit, a lot of the mutants looked horrifying and creepy. They had a tight grip on that horror vibe and it was great. They maintained a balance of comedy and horror and while it wasn’t great, it was a nice reprieve.

I hated Shredder and I know I was supposed to, but I will never get over what a petty bitch he was.

The thing that hit me the hardest was probably the destruction of Earth at the end of season 3. I was legitimately upset about that, so that’s probably a good thing. But when five minutes into the next episode Scrooge McDoctor Who did some timey whimey bullshit to reverse it, I was not any less upset. Make of that what you will. (No, I’ll explain, I felt cheated and it was cheap and annoying. Just when you think the show has some balls, it pulls a “sike” and then flips back to the status quo, usually). The space arc was simultaneously interesting and also not, with a lot of predictable plot threads, but at least we got more locations than the same two nocturnal New York streets all the time.

The ending though was super weird. The other turtles then went into space and probably died or some shit, because they never show up again and also the Fugitoid’s head is alive in orbit, but whatever, no time for that because we have to go back, for the 50th time, to the Foot!

The plot has no time to unfold because the plot needs to happen.

Do you ever think the writers squabbled a lot? It kind of feels like a lot of them wanted to do their own thing and then someone else meddled with that and then we got a patchwork of unconnected threads, left loose and dangling.

I was surprised when we got some buildup to April’s growing dependence on her alien crystal and even one episode dealing with its powers before we got to the episode dealing with the crystal’s effects on her. That sort of nuanced pacing was new. I was also initially very sure that this subplot would only find its payoff in the season finale or half season finale, like most other plot threads usually did, but no, it got its own separate episode.

Yes, they went all Dark Phoenix, but the ending was super anticlimactic, because April killed Donnie and then someone reminded her of it and she felt bad, so she stopped being possessed by evil. They fucked up on the home stretch, but they tried.

I never liked the time travel episodes with Renet much, they felt weirdly intrusive and adding nothing new to the plot. It felt like the first one only happened so we could meet Tang Shen before she died and that didn’t add a whole lot of anything. It confirmed things we already knew and introduced Mikey’s love interest and that was that.

The show tried to do a thing about anti-mutant racism once, but it sure is a good thing that the only people racist against mutants were the mafia, so we don’t have to worry about making a nuanced take here. They could have done something really interesting, but then went for simple black-and-white-morality instead.

My favorite episode was when the boys played Dungeons and Dragons with a sparrow mutant.

The worst part of the show though was its fifth season. First it seemed like it would just continue from where the fourth season had left off with Shredder being revived - because like a good villain, or herpes, Shredder always comes back - by the worst looking dragon I have ever seen in my entire life, but then that arc surprisingly ended after four episodes, shocking me to my core. Almost as shocking as Donnie almost killing a guy, but then deciding not do at the very last second. Again, feels like they could have done more here, but then they didn’t.

The fifth season started with two arcs that seemed to tie up loose plot threads, like Shredder’s revival and the bug alien guy I could have sworn died when he was yeeted out of an airlock coming back to enact his grim revenge, all so Raph’s girlfriend could live on the same planet as him and then never appear on the show ever again. Also Mikey died and his brothers were sad for five seconds before going about their business and then he came back with superpowers and then he conveniently lost them at the end of the episode, because the plot doesn’t have time for things that are emotional or interesting. Then there was that time the writers were like “What if we made Yojimbo, but with anthropromorphic animals and also the turtles are there” and it existed and the Turtles added very few things to the story and then went back to their dimension and never talked about it ever again. Or the time they said “what if we made Mad Max and also everything was terrible” and so they did and Leo became a hulked up war criminal but everyone forgave him because he wasn’t himself but immediately snapped out of it after seeing his brothers and Raphael was on steroids and Donnie became a robot in what I assume was a reference to the comics where he died and became a robot and also Donnie ended up being the only one whose body died, but considering what became of his brothers, he was probably the best off? And Raph had amnesia just so he could say he had amnesia and it didn’t actually factor into the plot once because he immediately recognized Mikey. I don’t know, I hated that special.

But at least it gave me emotions. The best part of the “that time travel demon is back and trying to monster mash” arc was when I remembered that I could browse tumblr on my phone while it was on and then I didn’t bore myself to death and also didn’t miss anything of value.

The series finale was fine. Nothing to write home about, but perfectly fine, even though the show threw an awful lot of shade at the 1987 version.

I feel like the most jarring thing about the fifth season was that the show spent four seasons going out of its way to present itself as something with a cohesive narrative and a plot that goes on and on and then we get these disjointed stories, some of which have absolutely nothing to do with the story at all. Just the writers throwing some idea at a wall to see what sticks because they either didn’t have any ideas anymore, or too many, but the end result wasn’t great and I’ll recommend newcomers to stop after the fourth season, because for real.

Tiger Claw existed and he was infuriatingly capable and powerful and then his sister chopped off his arm and then he got a robot arm and that was it forever. I don’t know, some episodes felt more pointless than others, but some managed to be fun or interesting and some just added something they thought was fun and it ended up never mattering again.

Some characters disappeared randomly, like the dove guy and I don’t care enough to ask what happened there.

Karai’s mutation being reversed off-screen was super bizarre. Sure, her being able to change at will as metal as heck, but it felt weird and incomplete and like I missed an episode. Maybe I did. It was also infuriating how her venom was a plot point in one episode and never brought up again after that.

Outside of that, I don’t have much insight to offer. Other people already exlained how the fight scenes, while nice, are not very accurate, especially the bo staff moves, or how the show is very dark, not in tone, but in actual absence of light and lots of greyscales or how most characters have singular traits rather than fleshed out personalities, especially the supporting cast. How there isn’t a lot of diversity in the human characters and how figure-hugging a lot of April’s and Karai’s clothing is (shoutout to April’s yellow shirt, it’s uncomfortable to look at, cheers) or how the female characters are frequently damselled.

I liked when the animation added personality to the characters because the writing sure didn’t think it had time for that.

All in all, it’s a mixed bag for me. It’s a fine show to watch if you have the time and it’s not all bad and I can see why people enjoy it, but it’s not for me. I liked some episodes enough to watch again, but I feel like in nine out of ten cases, I’ll opt to rewatch Rise instead because it has more of what I personally like, but I won’t think less of you if you enjoyed this version of the show. I’m not telling people that one version of the Turtles is superior to the other, just that I think it’s important to take off those rose-colored glasses and be critical of the things you consume every now and again.

But if you prefer plot-driven shows that can be surprisingly dark, you might enjoy this. Or you could watch Avatar, because it has that as well as three-dimensional characters and better worldbuilding.

Thank you for reading my way-too-long thoughts about an animated kid’s show.

#some of these are nitpicks some of these are not #i did not beta read this #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles 2012 #tmnt 2012 #Rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles 87 #tmnt 87

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roublardise · 3 years ago

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7, 36 and/or 59

And back at you with 2 and a reason why for each character

2 - What are your top three favourite characters?

ohlala.... it's not a real order, like Dean is first but after that I can't make a top

Dean - idk why he's just so 😭 I think it's bc I project a lot, and I'm fascinated by how kind he is. Spn would have been sooo much better if the main pov was Dean's instead of Sam's. His story is way more interesting to me. He's just a guy, he's really just some guy with a lot of family issues. He's not part of the lucky ones, he got no money, he's queer af, he had no childhood. But he's still SO kind and he thinks everyone should get their happy end & no one should go through what he's going through. If he gotta take one from the team he'd take it. I wish he could care for himself as much as he cares for humanity. I wish he'd got to learn to care for supernatural creatures bc that's just the logical development but once again, spn is Sam's pov so Dean gets no rights.

Crowley - he's one of the best character EVER. everytime I see Crowley disrespect, in show or in the fandom, I love him even more. He deserved the world. He deserved a non-homophobic portrayal. I keep going off about Crowley so let's settle on one thing hm.... it's a very sad part of his story, but it gets to me: Crowley is so lonely and he just wants to be loved. But he has no friends, was already lonely in life, is as much alone in death - he's an outcast even for demons, even if he fits better here. He's Crowley and he's powerful and frightening, but he's Crowley - there're rumours around him, people call him nicknames behind his back, he gets made fun of (homophobically & transphobically). He has to be ambitious and threatening ; but he doesn't want to. He's just good at it (he's honestly so smart and honest???). And that's the only way he can be - if not loved, if not known - at least seen.

Amara - ok it's only bc I'm insane and I have this Good Version of Amara in my head........ I think she could have been SO MUCH. But if I gotta pick one reason I just love how she's just vibing. She's literally just chilling and enjoying Earth and finding joys in every little things. She knows about the big picture & she hates it, she hates the blueprint and the Rules and Chuck's big plan. But she loves the tiny things so much? She wants to explore and discover and feel everything. Because that's not what's wrong - humans, flowers, food - it's not them, by essence, the issue. It's the system they're trapped in.

Bela Talbot - yeh it's four but..... I can't pick. she's SO interesting. when Dean goes "so you know about what's out there and this is what you do with it? you become a thief?" it's soooo interesting. I wish we'd got more of her and her VS Dean bc the way they're so similar yet taking such different decisions....... I don't even dislike that she ended up going to Hell, bc her making a deal is actually part of her character now. I'm mostly pissed bc she never came back. There's NO WAY she wouldn't find a way to get out of Hell, like even as a demon. She's so strategic I'm still amazed at how she got Dean & Sam arrested. QUEEN.

7 - What is/are your BROTP(s)?

i think......... like in terms of actual sibling dynamic. I love Claire & Alex. I'm pretty sure the trio with Patience would be epic, but we didn't get to see more of them. I overall feel like spn can't write siblings properly (ironic I know) but they got Claire & Alex!!! ig it helps that they don't have a lot of scenes but 🤷‍♂️ it's about the love/hate between teenagers. it's about locking your sib inside the toilets but also beating down a guy who trash talked them. it's about the intimacy of sharing a house and making it a home <3

36 - If you could be a supernatural creature, what would it be?

I pretty sure I'd end up being a ghost bc as a taurus I'm a petty bitch. I WILL stay to haunt people. that's my toxic trait 😔 however that doesn't seem the most appealing it's just very sad :'(

I have basic taste I'd be down to be a vampire I think. I already struggle with sensory issues and vampires are hot and then I can get a werewolf gf and we can be vibing

59 - If you could have a spinoff about any characters other than the leads of Supernatural and Wayward Sisters, who would they be?

I've actually mentioned it a few times in passing and like. while rn I wanna say a Crowley spinoff bc he deserves the world!!!! what I actually want and think about is:

a spinoff about the evil-ish sapphics: Bela, Rowena, Ruby, and Meg :) Supporting characters includes Mary, Amara, Anael, and Belphegor. IDK what they'd be doing except girlboss shit and drinking wine and gossiping and whatever they want and supporting each others 💕

I'd both like pre-canon and post-canon, like I want to see demon Bela as well..... I just wanna see more women and more not-hunter shenanigans!!!

spn ask game

#ask game #spn #thank you for the ask!!!!

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do-what-the-knight-tells-you · 5 years ago

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So I saw a post on here talking about how, when you take the shit Geralt says in the TV series at face value, it’s unbelievably hurtful and cruel towards Jaskier, just, downright mean, and callous, and designed to make Jaskier feel he’s wasted two decades of his life.

But I hate that, because it makes me sad, and on a rewatch, I found an alternate take.

So whether Geralt is neurodivergent in a way we recognize clinically (ASD perhaps? I won’t address that here, but I love Autistic!geralt headcanons), or whether he’s just built himself a particularly abrasive method of interaction over 100 years of shit, prejudice, and abuse, his really rough, rude abrasive words towards Jaskier are not genuine.

And I would expect/choose to believe, that if Jaskier has continued their companionship over two decades, he has not only recognized this about Geralt, but decided he’s more or less okay with it.

So I had the thought particularly during the djinn episode– saw it pointed out somewhere, how un-comforting Geralt is when the elf-healer tells Jaskier the Djinn-curse can kill him. Jaskier turns, desperate, scared, says “fuck, Geralt!” and Geralt sort of awkwardly pats him on the back and says “yeah, we’re not gonna let that happen” in a fairly begrudging way, as if suggesting that the whole situation isn’t that big a deal.

So what if that response has less to do with not caring, with being callous towards Jaskier’s life and fear, and more with either a genuine awkwardness and discomfort with the idea of comforting someone, he really doesn’t know what to say, he’s not used to being a comfort (most ppl are scared enough of him that even when he rescues them, they’d still prefer he left than comfort them in any way), and he’s probably received very little comfort in his life, doesn’t know how to do it, and is barely experienced with the idea of admitting one might want or need it.

And/or, we see the candid, unemotional way he reacts to the ghoul bite in ep7, to the knowledge that he’s seconds from death. So clearly the smooth, stoic, sarcastic, unaffected thing is his usual method of handling scary shit. He doesn’t even raise his voice unless it might help (i.e. out-yelling Yennefer to be heard over the djinn-hurricane, hoping that he can persuade he to give up the really terrible course of action she’s on that’s gonna kill her).

So the other part of it could totally be a case of him downplaying the danger, trying not to think, speak, allude to, mention the danger, possibly as his own coping mechanism (a lot easier to be “fearless” when you repress the shit out of whatever might scare you. if you never let yourself think about the possibility that things might go horribly wrong, then it’s a lot easier to conduct yourself as if nothing bad might happen).

So when he awkwardly pats Jask on the back, distractedly, begrudgingly, patronizingly says, “yeah, we wont let that happen.” It’s genuine awkwardness, and/or a coping mechanism to not let himself think about how bad it is (focus on the solution, not the problem, solve this one, and then the next, etc… he’d do a good job surviving alone on Mars, I think), and/or an attempt to keep Jask calm by not validating his panic, like how if you don’t make a big deal out of a kid’s scraped knee, sometimes then the kid doesn’t panic either and it’s fine.

And likely Jaskier has been his companion long enough to know some of that, maybe even to actually be comforted by Geralt’s lack of panic. Imagine how goddamn frightening it’d be if your super brave/tough/stoic friend actually looked scared.

(the line, when the elf dude starts talking about how in love with Yennefer Geralt must be, when Geralt says “you’re making me uncomfortable?” It’s definitely a funny line, but also it’s possibly genuine. Geralt genuinely expressing himself)

And then later in the episode, Jaskier delivers that line about “wait, is this the moment you decide to finally care about someone other than yourself?” We literally saw him drop everything, ride across the countryside (putting you on Roach, which he never does), seek help from several unknown sources, including this sketchy sorceress chick (and he admits to her and the audience that his concern over saving Jask’s life was such that he A: skipped the opportunity to seek help for his tortuous insomnia issue and B: was more than a bit willing to sell himself into indentured servitude/ something that looked a bit like prostitution)…

Like, fuck off, it’s clear he cares an awful lot about you Jask, and you have to know that. so are YOU being cruel back? or, are you playing along with what Geralt seems to be comfortable with, caring about you so long as neither of you look at that straight-on, or make him talk about it.

okay, so than the mountain-top divorce. like, Geralt’s p harsh through a lot of that episode, but there is a tiny bit of playfulness I think still in that dig about worthy travel companions. And if this is a method of talking to each other that they engage in regularly, that Jaskier willingly keeps subjecting himself to…

and then Jask comforts Geralt after the mountain crossing, and when he floats the bit about them traveling together again (maybe implying that these recent adventures are new-ish again, perhaps after a period of separation, perhaps Geralt is extra harsh… perhaps this is a normal-ish thing that Jask has noticed, that Geralt is always more brusque, more accidentally hurtful rather than just dry, right at the beginning or end of their travels together, a defense mechanism of sorts? protecting himself from the pain of separation he’s trying not to acknowledge even exists?) anyway, he floats the line, and I’m p sure Geralt nods.

Jaskier seems to know him pretty damn well.

So none of this makes what Geralt says not shitty, and not hurtful, but rather than let myself wallow in the idea that Jask is completely devastated, feels he’s wasted twenty years of his life on a person who is literally ready to throw him away…

Hopefully not. Hopefully he knows Geralt well enough not to… not to give him a pass, necessarily, Geralt def needs to learn from and atone for that really gross behavior… but enough to know that Geralt’s just very bad, unpracticed, and a bit oblivious when it comes to hurt feelings, to understand that Geralt’s just in a shitty toxic place, that it’s got nothing to do with Jask, that the best thing for all of them is for him to remove himself as a target and let Geralt sort his shit out in his own.

That Jask knows this is one of those times where he can trust his friend with his body, but not his feelings/heart.mind/energy, and he needs to take care of himself first.

So hurt, yeah, but not like devastated, knowing that Geralt didn’t mean his words, but did mean, in that moment, to hurt Jask genuinely and drive him off, not in the light-brusque-teasing way that they sometimes have between them. Knowing both that Geralt was reacting to Yennefer, to other hurts, not to Jask, but also knowing that Geralt was willing to put his own momentary vindictive satisfaction over Jaskier… and so knowing that is was time for them to part for a while, for his own sake. That pushing through at this time was gonna be more masochistic than beneficial or productive, so it was time to look after his own mental health.

Like, this is sort of a pattern I’ve seen in folks in the real world. There’s someone close to me who struggles with some nasty bipolar shit (he’s not found a good med combo for him yet, and even when he’s in a more healthy place, lots of his tools and learned behaviors are mostly crappy still from years of this barely coping while undiagnosed), and sometimes he’s cruel as hell, usually when he hates himself the most, and is lashing out partly in an attempt to get you to say nasty shit back, and justify both his resentment of you, and his belief that he is a worthless shitty person.

And when he’s in those periods, it behooves many of us to just… walk away. like, if you can be/are willing/able to be the person that supports someone through that kind of shit, that’s totes your call to make, and might be a really awesome thing for that person (and that’s where professional help and support can also be awesome! Ppl who have trained to be able to hear the bad shit without taking it personally, and to still be able to guide you to better tools afterwards!)

But sometimes, you also have to take your own health and energy and stuff into account and go “I know this person is being a cruel asshole because they are sick and/or hurting… but also I do not need to swallow the shit just cuz there’s an explanation. so imma peace out until they get their shit together a little more, and are gonna be less toxic/hurtful to me, stop taking it out on people. I can help them, maybe, but their mental health is NOT my sole responsibility, and I do a disservice to both of us if I decide it is, and abdicate personal responsibly for my OWN health in the process.” Put on your own mask first, and all that.

(I’ve seen this in alcoholics I know, as well, and the other side of that is letting them know “hey, I know you feel like you have no control, but one area where you do have some, is how you treat people. and if you’re acting like an asshole, then ppl won’t want to be treated that way. They aren’t leaving because You suck, they are leaving because Your Behavior sucks, and if you want to be around them in future, you should maybe work on your behavior. You are not inherently a Mean Person, but the things you do and say to people are Mean, and they don’t need to sit there and let themselves be abused” Like, it is possible to be ill, and make mistakes!, without being consistently cruel to folk.)

So, magical shenanigans and hissy-fits not a perfect analogy for BD, but it resonated a bit, so I figured I’d share

#witcher #witcher meta #my meta #asd!Geralt

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rosenrot234 · 5 years ago

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explaining Preacher’s playlist

Putting this under a read more break because there’s a lot. I was bored so I finally tried to explain the reasons each song is there. Granted some only have a sentence or two. Not everything needs a giant essay response. Warning though, talks of abuse do take place.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLT9aIxp8n042hnvTQMd7vOTVJp2utaZwp

1: Beim Ersten Mal Tuts Immer Weh / The First Time Always Hurts -Just one last time please be nice to me Come over here Just be nice to me and come and sit beside me here Just one last time please be nice to me Come over here One more time again Come on give me just a little bit now Come on let me have a final kiss now Come on give me just a little bit now Fool me please just one more time again -I wanted to start Preacher's playlist with something surprisingly dark rather than edge into the darker parts later on. So Preacher's trauma is right in the listeners face and how in a fucked up way he still misses someone that really fucked them over. -Especially with the last bit of the song "Why don't you want me no more?" Bishop would often ignore him as punishment and it would fuck with Preacher's head a lot and how he just wanted to be in his good graces again.

2: For Your Entertainment -I call this one of his "mask" songs. How Preacher often tries to appear to people. It also ties in a bit with how confident he felt in the past when Bishop was around. I wanted to counter the "wtf" start of the playlist with something boppy. Since once Preacher catches wind that someone is figuring out what happened to him, he's all lies and glamour to distract people from talking about it.

3: You Think You're a Man -I kinda wanted to include this song because the listener would have trouble figuring out "Okay is Preacher singing this or Bishop?"

4: Message in a Bottle -Catchy little song but it helps explain how even if Preacher made a bunch of new friends he still felt isolated due to having to hide a lot as a Tiefling. -Love can mend your life But love can break your heart

5: Mony Mony -I always pictured Preacher singing this with his friends. There's not a lot to say for every single song. I just wanted to get mood music for Preacher's gang of buddies.

6: Out There -More alluding to Preacher's lonliness and how Bishop also used that to have some sort of control over him. With all his friends, Bishops word really was the only word that had meaning / value to him.

7: Medicate -Yeah Preacher's coping mechanisms weren't the healthiest

8: A Penny for a Tale -Mocking the greedy? Say no more

9: Goo Goo Muck -Lore wise I always pictured Preacher making this song up on the spot to entertain his friends

10: Lost Boys -While this song is about vampires I just felt it fit still with Preacher and his buddies. His playlist early on covers a lot of that part of his life.

11: The Rocky Road to Dublin -Yet more "Just singing with friends"

12: Zydrate Anatomy -I mean lorewise he did deal in drugs both real and fake in his mid teens so I wasted no time getting this song onto the list.

13: Open Your Eyes -More mood music to his early teens. Trust me I'll have more to say with other songs

14: Back and Forth -This song screams Preacher when he's scamming people to me

15: Drinkin with Jesus -At first I picked this one because cmon. A Tiefling called Preacher , a song called Drinkin with Jesus seemed perfect. Then I realized "Oh shit the lyrics fit". A lot of the time Preacher had to be completely alone to show just how messed up he was back then even before his assault.

16: Feel Good Inc -A lovely mix of isolation, "The world is corporate bullshit" , and more. You damn right I'm putting this on the list.

17: The Cave -Timeline wise this is a bit of a jump into the future where Preacher is in another down mood and tries to recover from it. -But I will hold on hope And I won't let you choke On the noose around your neck And I'll find strength in pain And I will change my ways I'll know my name as it's called again -That last lyric always made me think of Preacher actually maybe someday going back to using his birth name. Berlyn. And just finding his own identity again. Away from Bishops shadow. This would be around the time he grows his trademark purple mustache. It's a small decision but it was still an important decision since Bishop used to even control how he looked.

18: Devils Dance Floor -CMON. DEVILS Dance Floor. Perfect Tiefling music. I also wanted something to pick the mood of the playlist back up a little after that dip.

19: A Touch of Evil -Aka the most metal "Gay pining" song I'm aware of. The playlist takes a turn of "But I want his attention so bad" and how he wanted to be in a proper relationship with Bishop. Teenage hormones are rough so I'd imagine they'd be double rough as a Tiefling.

20: Skills in Pills -More showing Preacher's distructive habits and drug selling. I wanted to avoid putting Rammstein on the list because it'd be predictable as fuck. So I settled with Lindemann.

21: Jigolo Har Megiddo -Preacher playing up the whole "I'm made from demons" thing for flirty singing.

22: Come Out and Play -And we jump back into more "street punk shenanigans"

23: You Look So Fine -More pining and angst. I really liked sudden dips in mood with this playlist. Like his outer walls are cracking and you're getting peeks at the sensitive stuff going on in his head.

24: I Wanna be Yours -Even more pining because I'm an asshole

25: Sleeping Powder -I wanted something comical to again lift up the mood of the playlist so this song was perfect. Just that "I'm back! Where are we going?" makes me think "Okay I'm done being sad, wait what are you guys doing today?" Also the faint "broken" from 2D in some parts of the song were fitting.

26: Sandmann -Preacher's super protective of kids so this was perfect

27: Deleted this one, moving on.

28: Breaking the Habit -One of the many times Preacher TRIES to get out of his self destructive habits and loops but its left unknown if he got out this time or not. This song fits in pretty much any part of his timeline with Bishop. Adding more to the "loop" of abuse that will be talked about near the end of the playlist.

29: Unzerstorbar ( Indestructable ) -I broke my "no german lyrics" rule with this song but I HAD to. It's such a "FUCK YEAH WE'RE YOUNG AND INVINCIBLE" song that ends on a more quiet note that always made me think "Deep down they know they're not" -As a child I was - I was ahead of all. As a child I was cold and I figured out how much time I have left anyways, because I am indestructible.

I was cool - I was hard and I knew what's goin' on. I was clever and smart and have considered long, Why am I made of steel? What is the meaning that I am indestructible?

This world is so small, so much lesser than I. Super Hero - all alone. Whether I like it or not. Meanwhile, I ask myself: is there someone like me here?

30: Sympathy for the Devil -Again. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT HAVE THIS SONG ON A TIEFLING PLAYLIST?

31: All I Want -I always pictured this song during a hectic chase either in the sky or on the ground. Preacher is a speedy boy so this was a good fit ( The fact that this song was in Crazy Taxi also makes me think of speed )

32: Action -I thought this fit the mood of Unzerstorbar and wanted to continue the vibe

33: Hit That -More chaotic city vibe music

34: Down the Rabbit Hole -I wanted to include Adam Lambert again since he's early in the playlist.

35: The Heart of the Riding Man -I blame Fennah for getting me into this song. The lyrics were just such a fun match. Preacher might be a Tiefling. But Bishop will always be the "Devil" in this song. -Oh the heart, the heart of a riding man Scarred and cut himself from the devil he ran Oh, from the devil he ran

36: Komm Zuruck / Come Back -DID YALL WANT MORE PINING? Well it's back and much more chaotic this time. -I've missed you long enough asked myself, where exactly you are and if you still bite your nails we planned everything perfectly with false papers and well covered and then suddenly you did it on your own account.

I've had enough, get me out of here don't give up on me now.

Wherever you are (wherever you are) oh, I'm with you Whoever you kiss (whoever you kiss) oh, I forgive you Make your way (make your way) and then release me come back, don't make me wait

37: Sick Boys -Imma be real with you. I'm a slut for Social Distortion so I had to include SOMETHING with them

38: God is a Popstar -One of the first songs I put to this character and it's still such a perfect fit with the religious stuff in Preacher's story. The video is even nice as a helper because you could imagine Preacher is in the place of Jesus here. All dolled up then thrown away.

39: Applause -More flashy "haha nothing is wrong I just want attention" songs since Preacher is a greedy mother fucker when it comes to attention.

40: Trust Me -This is getting to the important part of the playlist. His relationship with Bishop was toxic as fuck. Preacher also did lots of things he didn't want to but the reward was Bishops attention. So with the previous song and this it really shows the leftover effects Bishop had on him. Preacher is one hell of a good liar thanks to Bishop. So in a way. He does have the risk of becoming someone elses Scorpion. Those mental walls I mentioned earlier are breaking at this point.

41: Fireflies -The sad truth that Preacher still misses and thinks about Bishop. The lyrics here are meant to really tug at you as Preacher's barrier is crumbling at this point. -If all you ever get from the sonnet is the count of the fall of man Every call and cost made to your heart You were in the kind of game that put the force in me I was ever chasing fireflies -Sometimes I follow a firefly He takes me into the night Baby, I just survive I got drunk, I'm sorry Am I losing you? Sometimes I follow a firefly He takes me into the night Baby, I just survive I got drunk, I'm sorry Am I losing you?

42: Prison Sex -Probably the most important song in the playlist. I wanted that earlier darkness to come back full force now that the listener is at probably the most vulnerable part of Preacher's head. It's disgusting and that's the point. Preacher finally fully admits to himself about his rape. And the song implies he has a huge risk of continuing Bishops cycle of abuse. Both the abuser and the abused have lyrics in this song.

43: I'm Not Jesus -This is sort of like Preacher is finally saying "No FUCK THAT. I'm not like you." This song is also about abuse so I wanted to include it. He's angry at this point and finally fighting back in his head.

44: You're Gonna Go Far, Kid -In my head this is Preacher sort of mocking himself and his skills at lying

45: Lone Digger -I wanted another song to help "lift up" the mood again since this playlist has a lot of ups and downs.

46: Money -I thought the lyrics were fitting for this part of the playlist

47: I Don't Care -Mood gets a little somber but in a more beautiful way than flat out heartache or suffering. A little more of Preacher rebelling finally against Bishop

48: Creep -But in the end all his rebellion eventually leads to him being depressed. Bishop is gone from his life at this point. But he's clearly still lingering in his head. No matter how much he tries to ignore it.

49: Souk Eye -The finale where Preacher admits he'll always have Bishop in his thoughts even if he also knows damn well to never deal with him ever again. Even if sometimes it hurts like hell.

I wanted this playlist to be able to go on a loop and make sense. His moods are often on a cycle of "Fuck yeah I'm awesome! Fuck you Bishop!" to "Dammit we could have been so good for each other in another life wtf" It just repeats and repeats much like how people repeat their own cycles after trauma or abuse.

#Preacher #DnD #Tiefling

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a-functional-lowlife-blog · 5 years ago

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8.11.19

So I’ve never really utilized anything other than a diary to jot down my daily feels, but something tells me I might find some comfort knowing that nobody can sneak into my room and read my journal. Tumblr seems like a good enough void to dump these thoughts into. Maybe it’s my psyche craving a positive outlet.. Id rather this be private, but sometimes connections supposed to help, right? If topics of abuse, death, suicide, or depression trigger you, please do not continue reading. So I guess, let’s start from the top.

I’m 2X years old, & I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing with my life right now. I’m a gamer, & employed, But it’s not like I”m pursuing some great dream. I’m kind of coasting through life, trading experiences for fragments of myself. But I’m honestly rather content, at the moment. I make decent enough money. I can afford to shelter myself, feed myself, & entertain myself. So to some people, yeah it might look like i’ve had it pretty easy. In some ways, I have; in others, not really.

It was just me & my mom growing up. Dad wasn’t around, & i don’t really want to get into that right now. My mom did everything she could for me. And I, of course being a growing hormonal boy, never truly appreciated it until I got into the real world. Thanks mom. She low-key prepared me for almost anything. I graduated high school, no special titles or accolades, but I could hear her screaming well above the entire stadium of parents when they called my name. I hope I can make her that proud again someday. I haven’t seen her in almost 4 years. Life can be a bitch like that once you’re an actual adult.

Since graduating high school, I’ve fathered a child, a little girl, who continues to blow my mind every day, with her brains & beauty. Damn, my ugly mug made one amazing little girl. Everything I do, I do for her. Even when it doesn’t seem like it. The mother & I are still on fantastic terms, but we separated a couple years after the birth. It just didn’t work as a healthy relationship anymore, & our daughter deserved better than that.

After we parted ways, I got myself tangled up with a girl that, in hindsight, I should have never said hello to. Now don’t get me wrong, the first 2 years were truly magical. She was young, beautiful, petite body, alternative with piercings & tattoos. Which was basically me, young, rather handsome, fit body, alternative with piercings and tattoos. A match, it would seem, made in heaven. She made me feel alive again. She reinvigorated me to my soul, showed me new experiences I never could have imagined, or dared to do otherwise. I felt happy. Which for me, is a rather fleeting bird, one that’s typically driven away by the raven. It was just like a fairy-tale. We all know those aren’t real. I should have seen the warning signs. The “red flags” that everyone says I ignored. But red flags look like regular flags when looking through rose-tinted glass. If you’ve stumbled upon this by chance, & are triggered by abuse, or suicide, I suggest you stop reading now.

It started out with little things. Roast-like insults, but sometimes they hurt a little more than they should. Which, obviously, led my mind to tell me “stop being so sensitive.” I’d let it slide. As we approached the 2 year mark, it started getting nastier. Her patience with me was very thin. The smallest error, like I forgot to pick up soda on the way home from my 10 hour shift once, led to me being belittled with insults to my intelligence & even attacks on my dedication to her. It only got worse as time went on. I silently cried myself to sleep most nights. My self-esteem was in an entirely different dimension by this point. I’ve become completely submissive to her. I looked at myself in the mirror one night, after doing things that I regret doing, and being disgusted in myself for letting it get so bad. For never stepping back up & standing my ground. I got us through homelessness. I had helped her get help because she had a severe mental illness that I will not put here. Her every wish, within my power, was my command. Why should I tolerate being treated like something stuck to the bottom of her shoe when kindness didn’t suit her? So I did. That was the first time she hit me. Just once, open palmed to my left temple.

It didn’t stop. It got worse. I will not go into details, because almost 3 years later, I still panic when I try to think about those months. Most of my friends & family do not know how bad it got. And those that do, do not even know who she even was. It collapsed faster when I started to dissociate after multiple (thankfully) failed suicide attempts. I started cheating, trying to get her to leave me, since she wouldn’t allow me to leave her without threatening to kill herself. “You’re my soulmate, I won’t live without you.” She kept me in that state of submissive fear for another year, using the same lines. Using the same deflection tactics to make me question myself. All while calling me her “soul mate”. I hate that fucking word now.

But I did finally get the courage to leave. In the middle of the night, a train ride back to my hometown. She tried to work back into my life a few times over the next 2 years. I eventually stopped talking to her, because she would always try to convince me to come back to her, that it can be different, that she’s willing to start over. So I stopped talking to her last year. And now, I can’t anymore, because last month, she killed herself. I honestly never stopped loving her. I can feel the hole where her energy used to be, the bits she contributed to my soul, snuffed out.. I blame myself for her suicide. And I hate that I fell in love with such a beautiful, toxic soul.

We can skip over the few fling relationships I held while in my hometown, except for one girl, who I will forever thank for showing me what a true loving, healthy relationship, based on trust and open communication can actually be like. We got into it knowing we were on a time limit, because I was already in the process of saving up to move again, this time, 3,000 miles away. But we had good chemistry, and I think the relationship was the perfect amount of time for both of us. She’s a LoZ girl. Major fan. As in, owns every game, tons of merch, follows tons of streamers on Twitch who play Legend of Zelda, especially if it’s Ocarina of Time. Coastal gamer girl is probably the best description of her. She’s still one of my best friends, & I talk to her on occasion. She’s super happy, and living a rather adventurous life. I’m super happy for her.

Our fateful day came, and I had to move away. She comforted me during the entire packing process. Which literally filled 2 boxes I shipped to my new address, my military backpack, & a laptop case. It still resulted in 8 hours of back to back anxiety attacks. I only knew TWO people in the town where I was moving to. One of them, I had never physically met before in our entire 14 year friendship. So, rightfully, I was terrified to leave. I’d reconnected with old friends in my hometown. I’d met an amazing girl in my hometown. I’d landed a really fantastic job in the medical field in my hometown. What was I thinking?! Leave all of THIS?!

But I knew why. She knew why. Everyone in my life knew why. The answer was simple. Yeah, I had a good job, a good girl, & a relatively good life. But I wasn’t truly happy. In my soul. Just as I was in the states I’ve lived before. And that was okay. We had the perfect amount of happiness.

So here I am, in an undisclosed new location, three-thousand miles away from my hometown. And honestly, I’m happier here than I’ve ever been anywhere else. Do I see myself dying here? No, not really. But I could kick it here for a decade or so, if the fates allow my life that long? Sure. The best friend I’d never met before, is just as amazing in person. We play video games together now & then, and go out to the downtown bar scene sometimes for karaoke. There’s 3 roommates total. I enjoy being their roommate. Also, there’s 4 cats. who I absolutely love, and will contemplate posting their pictures here too, for memories sake.

I’ve made some really amazing friends, especially one girl in particular. She’s been very good to me, in many ways. Dinners, events, concerts, party weekend for my last birthday to pass. All while both of us just have a blast around each other. She’s helped me alot these last few months, everything from food to rent, while I struggled to find work, & get on my own two feet. I struggled for 5 months before I landed myself where I am now. So to celebrate, she & I went and got tattoos today.

I got a tattoo of the chemical structure of serotonin on my wrist. To remind myself to be happy, because I’ve already spent so much time being sad. And that I’m going to keep making myself happier, by staying true to myself, learning & growing from the events I’ve been through in my life, both good and bad. Creative, & destructive. Because it’s all molded me into who I am now.

So really without getting into childhood stories, high school shenanigans, & college hijinx, that’s the story of Z. A recent handle I’ve taken to lately, in case someone does decide to read this. I’d like to add to this little... off-site journal once a week, maybe more often.

That’s all I’ve got for today. I’m sufficiently stoned now, & would like to return to playing Apex Legends.

Signing off,

#journal #private #tw suicide #tw abuse #tw drugs #read at your own discretion #do not repost #venting

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jawbreakers2015 · 6 years ago

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Player Profile: Hang

avid modder, occasional TO and montage video producer from Germany top 12 in the Jawbreakers Stunfest Qualifier (artwork of Drop by Kagu)

What names do you go by?

I used to go by Troke for the entirety of April. Which was based on a dumb coincidence where I talked to Neer and had one of my usual mobile spelling errors and I wrote "I'm having ha troke" instead of "having a stroke".

I wanted to go away from "Hang Boy" since quite some time as I specifically wanted to get rid of the "Boy" and just "Hang" felt wrong and was still associated to Hang Boy anyway. But I guess I'm back to that now.

Reason to why I wanted to rid myself of "Boy" was as simple as me linking my online persona to my OC (By choosing her for profile pictures on basically any platform) which then of course lead people to believe she is a male based on the thought "Hey this is Hang Boy. So the profile picture must also be Hang Boy".

The name Hang Boy btw occurred just as I started my first step into the internet, when I was a big fan of the Binding of Isaac. So i needed an online name and I ventured through Isaac related things. Which was when I came across the Tarot card "Hanged Man". So I just took that and adjusted a bit.

How do you feel about your performance in this tournament?

Was pretty okay. I didn't expect to get far into it. Although I'm a bit sad I didn't make the Top 8 picture. Only needed one win more as well.

However I would have been disappointed in everyone else, if they allowed for me to reach Top 3. So good that didn't happen.

What was your strategy preparing for and competing in the tournament?

I haven't played Blaze in weeks. The only times I played recently was to get some recordings for a Toxic montage. Right before the tournament I was more worried to finish my Isaac run. Which I did win!

And during the tournament was pretty much just "Turn some nice music on, jam to it, play some Nitro, do some silly cuff shenanigans, do dumb parry grab down throws so the viewers can laugh over something".

I did "fly" with Nitro in one match but sadly it wasn't streamed so only Hellraiser was able to see the glory of Flying Cuff™.

youtube

Which was your hardest match of the tournament?

Hellraiser I suppose. He did kick me out of it. I never really played him or saw him play and he didn't fall for my aggressive playstyle, so it was a tough time.

What surprised you most about the tournament?

Cherry's second place finish. I know he's good, I think he's underrated even.

But second place is a really good finish. Even more so beating JawDrop since, in my opinion, he has some of the craziest tech and can be really really confusing to play against.

(Yea he also has weird lag even tho he lives in France but whatever :p)

Is there anyone you didn’t face that you wish you did?

I would have wanted to play Defur if possible. To some degree I see his entrance as a sort of meme entry. But jokes aside and game aside, I can only take my hat off to this man and his effort for the tournament scene.

Sadly didn't get to play Daio. It feels like a tradition to face off against him in FellowsTV hosted tournaments. Which always goes the same way tbf. He counters my playstyle hard, I'm annoyed to play against him, don't bother changing my playstyle in order to win, get demolished. But the tradition counts!

I'd put Neer in the same boat. Hate playing against him but it just kinda has to be.

How did you get into Lethal League?

A friend bought it for me. We played a couple of games, he had to leave. I went into QM, found Garu, got absolutely demolished, he friended me and pulled me into it.

I specifically remember seeing his Latch corpse juggles and thinking "Man this is so cool, I want to be able to do this too". So right of the bat I started to play for the style, which is what I still go by.

Style > Efficiency

It feels bad not having paid for LL nor Blaze but I bought LL for a bunch of friends so guess that checks out.

What's your current Lethal League experience?

450+ hours in LL 340 hours in Blaze (As of now. 26.4.2019) And a giant bunch of hours of community interaction and modding.

I was very excited when asked to be beta testing and it fulfilled a childhood dream of being in video game credits.

Despite only getting into Beta a month before release, I stacked up 90 hours before the game came out. Lots of 9 hour playtime days. It was massive fun.

I bought almost all of the merch...got most signed by Tim & Dion too. I went to the Netherlands twice to meet TR. It was fun, they are cool people. Watching Dion doing a live dance off was pretty rad ngl.

I brought self made cheesecake the second time, but Tim had to get it into the building since they check your bags for normal visitors and it wasn't allowed to bring food.

I'll never forget the sight of Tim with his big bag looking like he's smuggling a bomb into a convention.

Who are your main/side/counter character picks?

Everything. So yes random, it's random.

However I most enjoy playing Nitro because of all the dumb things he can do. Especially flying, cuff storage (specifically for down angle on the ground, to just pull a little bit forward) and half pull.

Doombox is also very fun. Special>bunt>smash>parry>special>repeat can chain pretty often on some opponents and is hilarious.

The only characters I "despise" playing are Toxic and Sonata. But only because I'm really bad with them.

What are your favourite character outfits?

Dust and Ashes. Just their whole design.

For real tho. There's not really skins that stick out to me since I use my own modded ones.

Can you share your favourite/most used custom outfit?

Hm I missed that that's not "outfits"...well take a load of skins! In order

Mothyman Jeviman Spacetor Golden Switch Drop Palette Sonata Supercharged Latch PaDice-a the Rapper Skull Grunt Supercharged Grid Supercharged Doombox Dropbox FYouBox Nitro with a blue, white and mint color scheme I made for every character and lastly my Toxic skin with that same color scheme

What are your stage preferences?

Idc. I play random so who really cares. I guess insert the usual "Paradise field eclipse succs!!!"

What input method do you use?

PS4 Controller Dpad for movement L1 Bunt R1 Swing R2 Grab

I used to play LL on a cheap SNES controller using only face buttons. When I was over at Dutch Comic Con with Serchiot I played a couple games of Blaze with his PS4 controller and really liked his layout and the feel of the controller. So I just sneakily stole his layout and got myself a PS4 controller.

Coming from all face buttons, I needed some time to get used to it. But in my opinion it's just superior this way.

How do you make your character montage videos?

I have two ways of recording clips. Just consciously recording with OBS or putting Shadowplay on and saving every time something cool happens. I usually just boot up Blaze and jump into ranked to get some games in. With the Toxic montage it was a bit different since I now have a 4K monitor but 4K can hardly be recorded at 60fps and setting the output resolution in OBS to 1080p got me weird screen effects. So every time I went to record, I put the resolution of my monitor to 1080p in order to at least get that in good quality. Then I just cut all the good clips out of the recordings and mix ‘n’ match ‘em. What's usually the hardest decision is what music to use. There's been a couple of songs that I'd like to use, but they either don't fit over Blaze gameplay, don't fit my playstyle or were just the wrong length.

My two favourite Montages are definitely for Candyman and Nitro. Candyman took a long way to develop, because I just wanted to show off so much. It's one of the few montages where I actually asked higher skill players for games instead of jumping into ranked. Picking the song was really hard, I was only sure I wanted a Klaus Veen track, but OD V2 was too mainstream and most others were too short. So in the end I opted for two songs with a break in between the montage. Splitting the clips into two sets, each song one. With the second part containing what I considered the more hype bursts.

And for Nitro I actually had the montage pretty much done, but I wasn't too happy with it. Still planned to just upload it like that tho. However when I saw the Nitro voice actor interact with a community member in a way that could only be described as "incredibly wholesome", I was inspired to redo most, if not all, of the clips and do the best I could. For the first time actually going into training mode to lab some combos (mostly corpse juggles tbf) and eventually learning Flying Cuff™ too. Watching JawDrops Blazin' Combo video and taking a slice off the Nitro plays there. Which resulted in a montage I am very happy with.

youtube

What other games do you play?

It differs from time to time.

The only games I always come back to are retro games like SMW, CTR or something like Mario Kart 8D. Which I always enjoy playing at local tournaments and pretty successfully so even. People just can't handle it when someone plays with one hand.

Atm I also like playing TBoI Rebirth.

Will you come to Stunfest?

Probably not. Driving/Flying over to France is just very expensive. I would love to meet all my Baguettes (Lusked, Jawdrop, Aru and Lalou, who stated he can't make it due to exams, yes I know). But exams and the neer-ing end of my apprenticeship is leaving a lot of work to be done.

So it probably won't fit into my schedule. However never say no! Trips to Blaze events aren't uncommon for me.

Is there anything else you’d like to say to the community?

Play the game for fun, not for glory.

Stop rubbing yourself for an imaginary title that doesn't mean anything as there's not even any competition for it.

I can't stress enough how great Soda City Funk by Tim Legend is. Go listen to it right now.

And for my last words. Be more like Kota. And remember, We love Ramkat <3

#Jawbreakers #Lethal League Blaze #Player Profile #Hang Boy #Hang #Europe #Jaw Breakers #Lethal League #Team Reptile

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yestermen · 6 years ago

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New Year, Same Guys

I want to start this post off by saying, yes I know its been a while, but you get busy and you think luck is turning around and that maybe you’ll have a different topic to write about, but then new developments occur and we are back to where we were. Confused, Sad and Single.

This story starts about a year ago when I met this guy who we will call William, or Will. Will and I quickly became friends as we were in a few of the same classes and shared some similar friends, I was always a little interested in him, and I assumed he was also interested in me (we matched on tinder but this could’ve been a friendly match). Nonetheless he got into a long term relationship last year with a girl who kind of looked like me and we stayed friends and got closer.

This school year I got back and swore off men for the most part, it was never official but I was just generally uninterested in everyone and that makes everyone interested in you. By October I had about 4 guys talking to me, two that I was actually somewhat intrigued with; one being Will and one being (for sake of the story) Daniel. I continued talking to both of them but more often than not it was Daniel as he simply responded faster at the same times I was free to talk.

Sure, I thought talking to multiple guys was messy but hey, isn't that what your twenties are for, being messy and dating around?

November comes around and Daniel comes to town and keeps insisting to meet up (I know him in person but he graduated and moved and so I was safe to just talk with no strings attached) I kept making excuses, some valid, such as my parents being in town, others were me saying I had a ton of work (when I was watching netflix and eating hummus) but either way, I never felt compelled to meet up with him which made me think- Did I actually like him or was I just talking to him for attention?

After a lot of contemplation I decided on the latter. Sure, I felt bad about leading him on and such when I truly had no interest, so I tried to distance myself, but then I came to the conclusion that I liked our conversations even as just friends (I never said I liked him nor did I ever say that we were just friends so woops). So being selfish, I kept talking to him, not as much as before, but just enough to get my satisfaction. After all, it is lovely to feel wanted. A couple weeks later, Daniel is back in town again, and pulling the same shenanigans but I say that I am just feeling being alone, which was complete honesty. That is when my friend texts me saying they are with my other friend and they need “sad gal hours”, aka when people come over, we put on music, drink, cry, talk and dance. So being a good friend, I invite them over.

One of my friends stays for 15 minutes when I text Will inviting him over, after all he’s friends with everyone and can bring more wine. He says sure and that’s when Bad Idea from Waitress would start playing if it were a film.

The three of us (My friend, Will and I) sit in my living room filling up glass after glass of wine just laughing and talking for hours- especially about hookups and relationships. The whole time, we have broken the touch boundary and so we are leaning on each other laughing, touching legs, etc. and my friend is sitting there with pure chaos surrounding them until they finally leave to go meet another hookup- by this point it is around 3am on a Sunday night (monday morning?).

The rest is history from that night, just picture how any rom com scenario would happen. Some highlights were that he helped me clean up the wine, in the morning he made my bed while I was showering and then we scrolled through the instagram the-hidden-biscuit (follow it, its good).

After that I kind of ghosted Daniel, as I felt as if I had made a choice. He was nothing but nice to me, but I was a bitch and he didn't deserve that, I still kind of regret it but hey, what am I gonna do?

The next few weeks Will and I continued to hookup (one night in specific I got the worst hickeys of my life, Jesus, my neck was BLACK). So I was happy and saw it going somewhere and so, being a Libra, my mind took that as “YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HIM AND GOING TO BE WITH HIM FOREVER!! YOU HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON, THIS IS GREAT!” maybe not to that extent but in theory, I had caught feelings. Which wouldn't be mad if he too wasn't moving away and also if winter break wasn't starting immediately following this. Now, by this point I know it had gotten out that we were doin this thing, because one of his gal friends (we’ll call her Janice) came up to me during a party to express how she thought it was cute (more on this later).

That was what I needed to like set that my feelings were there, he had told his friends about me, so I couldn’t be “just a girl hes hooking up with” anymore, right?

WRONG.

So for the next few weeks we kept in contact (me thinking this could lead to something good) and I continued texting Janice to like see if he actually likes me (this seems normal and healthy right?). Anyway, she finally tells me that she respects us both too much to get in the middle of it, which kind of put me off but it wasn’t really her business anyway, I just like talking to people.

So, time goes by and it feels like hes distancing himself, texts are getting less responsive, as are snapchats and everything in between.

So on the fateful night of New Years Eve, I have been depressed all day, I drink a little too much champagne and I start talking to one of my best friends Leah. I keep saying I should send a text admitting how I feel and blah blah blah, she roots me on and all of a sudden its 1am and I send the text, immediately freak out and go to bed.

In the morning, no response yet, then I get one in the afternoon. I had a bad feeling about it and so I decide not to read it (I still haven't opened it so don’t ask me what it said, I don’t know). Rightfully so, we don’t snap each other or text for a while after that (we still haven’t texted) and so I decide to send a mass snap and include him in it. I GET A RESPONSE! that’s a good thing right? it means he doesn’t think i’m weird right?

We continue to snap, not as much as before but I still refuse to look at the text so nothing else can progress.

I get back up to school and plan to see Janice, as we are now friends and I want to hang out with her, she comes over and we watch A Cinderella Story, the one with Hillary Duff, and do face masks. The movie ends and I suggest we go eat hummus (my favorite snack) and she agrees but says that we need to talk first.

I immediately know what about and my stomach becomes a knot and sinks at the same time. “So, over break Will and I started talking as more than friends... I just want to let you know, I know that you guys talked and I wanted to go to you and make sure you’re okay with it.” WELL NO OF COURSE I AM NOT OKAY WITH IT, NO WE DIDN'T TALK, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY THOUGH?

So I swallow my sadness and tell Janice that “of course im okay with it” and then she continues about how much she respects and loves me and how im a “goddess” and “so hot” and “perfect” and etc. As fake people do, especially when they hurt you.

So after that I got a snap from him that I have refused to open, and she stayed at my apartment for the rest of the day because she obviously didn't get the cue that you leave someone alone after saying something like that.

But just like that, again a man has been taken from my life. I knew that it probably wouldnt last, and I always felt threatened by her. But as a person I was raised to not feel threatened by other women and to not date your friends crushes, no matter how much you want to. But obviously she didn’t learn that.

Now i’m back to square one, learning to love myself and others again.

To do this, Ive surrounded myself constantly with people I love (mostly friends), Ive been doing a lot of face masks, ive been baking a lot of sweets, watching a lot of movies, and taking on way more work than one person has time to do. Keeping myself busy is the best way to grow, and self growth leads to self love.

But yeah, its going to be a while until I go back to men I think, I have to rebuild myself after being torn down, and im going to try this time, to separate toxic people. Maybe i’ll do some traveling too.

Here’s to 2019- the year im dating myself.

#yestermen #men #2019 #dating myself #mr steal yo girl

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neverendingparable · 6 years ago

Note

💞

Send 💞 for a awkward kiss // written for that only once previously mentioned AU where Stellan is an intergalatic officer trying and failing to catch the time-and-space criminal Neil de Grammont

The intergalactic prisons were his least favorite place inthe entire Universe. They were as sad as they were dreary, as dreary as theywere disturbing and Stellan hated every corner of the stuffy, foul scented jailcomplex.

This one was particulary nasty.

It was loud too, prisoners yelling, begging, and cursing outguards who gruffly reprimanded them with harsh words or tasers if they got toorowdy.

Honestly, he couldn’t understand why his bosses couldn’tjust send a vehicle in to deliver the newest captive to the better, more securesister system a few galaxies away.

This needs to be apriority! He insisted to a bored guard, who gave Stellan’s capture astoic look like he couldn’t care less.

A newcomer perhaps, who didn’t understand the severity ofthe situation.

Either way it was infuriating - not only was he bringing ina dangerous and intelligent criminal who could easily pick his wayout of a cell block blind if someone wasn’t constantly watching, but everyone’shabits of blowing off the arrest was also undermining Stellan’s hard efforts oftrying to capture the infamous Cornelius de Grammont for these past few months.

During their little cat-and-mouse chase, Stellan became morefamiliar with the pirate’s tactics than he would’ve liked. They were exceedinglycunning - but apparently, as Neil lacked the intimidating vibes of bigger and moresenselessly violent prisoners here, the guards didn’t seem to care much,despite the crimes pinned to his name.

Sure he could just travel on, but it would take far too manyhours to get Neil to the other galaxy. And he was tired, which is why he didn’ttrust himself to fly alone with the pirate. (Not to mention after listening tothe smart-ass ceaselessly mock him the entire flight over, he was ready to dosomething drastic to get him to shut up. All in all, he was tired, pissed, andon edge. Something Neil would use for his advantage)

“I need the strongest cell you have free. We’re goingto be flying in the morning again and I need to put him somewhere safe until then.”Stellan insisted.

The guard grunted and half heartedly turned to check whatplaces were still free. His bored nonchalance and the feeling of Neil smirkingbeside him grated on Stellan’s nerves, but he bit his tongue.

“Floor C Cell 5G.” The guard muttered and slid theofficer a bundle of keys. He then picked up his comic book again and made aneffort to ignore the duo.

“Is it secure enough?” Stellan tried again, andgot another grunt as a reply.

“That sure sounds promising,” Neil taunted, thesmirk unwavering on his face.

“Shut up and get moving.” Stellan jabbed him hard in the sidewith his gun, ushering his captive off to the nearby elevators.

Of all the shittyprison complexes I have to be stuck in, he thought bitterly as they rode upto Floor C in silence.

Well no matter. What’s important is that I finally have him. Let’s hope this shitty place can secure him for afew hours while I get some sleep…..

A creeping dread had crawled up Stellan’s spine and itsettled there comfortably when they entered the cell block Neil was supposed tostay in.

The protections were good, recently upgraded by the GalacticFederal Agencies to enhance security in the cells. The only problem was thatStellan had already placed Neil behind these models once and the pirate got outin under an hour, halfway to another galaxy before Stellan was notified. And hehad just been gone for a cup of coffee then.

He cursed angrily to himself, much to Neil’s amusement, butbefore he could make another comment on Stel’s inevitable failures, the officerhad shoved him in and handcuffed to the set of chains waiting there.

“Ouuch. Hey!”Neil complained, and there was a hint of aggravation in his voice, obviouslytired of being pushed and shoved around.

Stellan couldn’t care less at this point. He was annoyedhimself that he’d have to play babysitter and then risk flying on sleepdeprivation just to get this nuisance to a proper cell.

He sat down on the hard metal stool opposite of the cell sohe could watch Neil. The pirate shifted around, trying to get comfortable inhis terribly uncomfortable position.

Fortunately, he didn’t attempt furtherconversation with Stellan for the time being. Perhaps he felt insulted after beingtossed around like a cheap toy. Not that Stel cared, any minute spentwithout hearing that smug mockery is a minute he could spend in peace.

The time passed by slowly, punctuated with occasionalscreams or bangs from inmates nearby. As far as Stellan was aware, this wasn’ta torture prison, but its inhabitants were incredibly unstable. Prisoners hadto be chained up to avoid hurting themselves or guards. It felt more like acliché mental hospital than a federal jail.

Another reason it was so out of place to be here. Neilwasn’t insane - unstable, yes, but not crazy. Stellan had caught him for shortperiods of time often enough to have sometimes found a high dosis of toxic substancesin his bloodstream.

These were the flipsides to Neil’s smug facades. SidesStellan liked even less than his I-know-things-you-don’tsmirks. Sometimes he seemed exhausted with the world, so bitter and Stellanwould wonder if there was some truth to his story.

He didn’t put it past Neil to come up with a heart wrenchingbackstory just to evoke pity in the people who meant to capture him, but therewere moments when it seemed too real to be a facade.

For the sake of his own sanity, Stellan chose to mark Neilas an extremely good liar and call it done. Maybe he had loved his partner-in-crime, Phobos. Maybe there was more to thewhole story than the police knew - but it wasn’t Stellan’s business. All he hadto do - and wanted to do - was to make the galaxy safer for the innocentcivilians who lived there. And Neil was a threat to that safety, making him fitfor serving time in a cold and smelly cell.

Stellan’s mood brightened a bit when he caught hold of afellow officer via his comms, Franziska Meier, who listened to his dilemma and thenagreed to fly out early in the morning and help Stellan transport Neil off. Atleast then he could catch some shut eye. And four pairs of eyes were betterthan one. Not to mention that Franzi was quite the capable officer, severalyears older than Stellan and with twice as much experience.

The sound of quiet rustling snapped him out of his thoughtsand he looked up. Neil was still behind bars, still tied up, but he wasshifting around.

Suspicious.

“Quiet down over there.” Stellan snapped, placinghis communicator away.

“I can’t help it, Sommers,” was the response.“You try standing here in chains, it’s fucking uncomfortable.”

“It’s nothing to what you’re going to have to enduretomorrow. Maybe if you wouldn’t have threatened the safety of millions ofinnocent people with your time-breaking shenanigans, you wouldn’t be here in anuncomfortable cell.”

Neil was quiet. When Stellan spared a glance in hisdirection, he found the blonde watching him, an unreadable expression on hisface.

“Those millions of innocent people would be deadalready if it weren’t for me.” He said.

Stellan rolled his eyes. “Suuuure. You’re just misunderstood and poor and we’re all evilmonsters for chasing the Anti-Hero™ when he’s just trying to do good.”

“No,” Neil interjected. “You’re justmorons.”

“Whatever. Save your sob stories. You’re going to getwhat you deserve.”

Why did it always come back to these conversations? Did hebelieve his lies so hard or did he consider Stellan for so dumb to actually buythem?

“I’m not lying. Go on, pull out a lie detector,Sommers. See it for yourself.”

“No.”

“You’re afraid of the truth, aren’t you~?” Neilshifted and now he was smirking again, a knowing look on his face.

Stellan wished he could reach through the bars and smack thatlook right off.

“There’s no truth, you’re not a damn victim. You’re a wantedtime-and-space criminal that not only put people’s lives in danger with yourjumping around, you also broke into several top secret bases and stole confidentialinformation-”

Neil snorted.

“-and you have been associated with several Rick Sanchezs,who are hunted just as well. Not to mention your apparent partner-in-crimePhobos.”

“We’re not partners.” The shift was instant, backto that cold tone Neil took on whenever that name was mentioned.

“And yet he seemed to think so,” Stellan shotback. “You two have a history together, that much I know.”

His phone buzzed and he glanced down to see another messagefrom Franziska coming in. Idly, he replied as he continued.

“Dimensions were destroyed because of you. He enslavedpeople and wanted you to be part of his reign. Don’t try to trick me with yourlies, de Grammont. I’m not as gullible as you think.”

“Actually~”

Stellan’s blood ran cold.

“You kinda are. Dummy.”

The voice wasn’t coming from the other side of the room anymore.Too late Stellan realized that Neil’s ‘uncomfortable’ shifting and idle babblewas once again just a distraction tactic while he picked the locks.

Shit.

He could kick himself for being so careless and reached forhis gun at the same time Neil grabbed his phone away from him.

A moment of confusion ensured. Stellan refused to let goinstead of just drawing his weapon and was tugged up with Neil, who at the sametime leaned in to yank the gun away as well.

Their heads collided painfully with each other. Stellan fellforward, trying to grab hold of something and ended up with a fist full ofNeil’s shirt instead.

They tumbled to the floor in a series of curses and onceagain, their heads banged together

The world stood shock still. Stellan lay awkwardly on top ofthe taller man, a fist curled in his clothes. One of Neil’s hands rested on thesmall of his back, the other still reaching for the gun, which lay a few feetaway.

Neither moved for the longest two seconds in theMultiverse.

“…….”

“………………..”

Neil was the first one to move and Stellan followed suit,but he was unarmed and before he could make another lunge for the weapon, hehad gotten a hard knock to his head, making him see stars and forcing him tohis knees.

Once his vision had cleared, the comms had been smashed andNeil was gone, Stellan’s weapons along with him.

Shit, shit, shit!

He struggled to his feet and stumbled out clumsily, yellingthat there was a prisoner free and on the run.

“Shut down all routes immediately!” He shouted tothe baffled guards. But before anyone could move to action, the last glimpsesof long blonde hair disappeared into thin air.

#curiouscompanions #this turned into a mini novel and im sorry #steneil #ok #i forgot the tag #umm #pirate/cop au #space pirate #i might have gotten some things wrong in the phobs-neil story #but yeah stellan believes that neils backstory is a lie #and that he worked with phobos #long post

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