#well I can live in the basement
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I just KNOW this skit was directed towards us monsters
#that nerd on the phone was literally me#well I can live in the basement#and I mainly eat bread and apples#MARK PLEASE#PLEASE MARK#GIVE ME A CHANCE#I PROMISE TO TAKE SUCH GOOD CARE OF YOU#GIVE ME ONE CHANGE#why am I 80k in debt you ask? no reason…#mark hamill#luke skywalker#star wars#snl skit#older mark hamill#dilf luke#dilf!luke
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hello people who live in my phone. why did my computer take a dozen screenshots of the Minecraft video settings menu instead of the game while I was walking around taking pictures of the house i built? I'm sad :(
#this is a joke. i dont care to know but i Am sad. i built zephyr and renards house bc i needed to figure out its layout.#i wanted to show people but No my computer thinks the fucking pause menu is more interesting#Like TBF i have modded this bitch. a pretty decent amount. this could very well be my fault#i didn't build an exterior i just did the interior#its the worse looking thing ive ever built#ie an extremely accurate depiction of those white on white on white remodels that have no definition or soul#white carpet white walls white ceiling. grey or tealy blue furniture. You know the vibe#So boring theres nothing to object to when you look at it.#Anyways their house is two stories 3 bedroom 2 bath with a basement sunroom thing a small finished attic.#Lots of places to get separated and hide out from eachother#Open floor plan in the main space though. I didn't make it large enough for the living/dining/and kitchen to be completely separate#still a fucking massive house#for two guys with no family that can vist and no desire to have kids#they dont need that much space
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dark obviously hates being called dark-kun over literally anything else like dark-sama or Just Dark but it's also nice when a muse recognizes that he is or at least should be just like. 17.
#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#the occasional childish behavior is rlly important to his character if only because him being old as fuck is something#he rlly doesnt gloat about or bring up most of the time#bc how much of that was even him living. he's stuck in the metaphorical basement. he can only ever watch w such brief breaths of existence#hes put himself into depression and a learned helplessness over shit. he sleeps constantly#muts that grimace when i say 'imagine being 17 for 2000 yrs' understand though 😂i trust them#hes always somewhere in between 'oh yeah i TOTALLY know what i'm doing' and not actually knowing anything. ever#very equatable to the older bro hiking his boots up cause he's got daisuke to take care of and all the adults in their canon are#either unapproachable or useless outside of the niwa fam members itself#hes gotta puff himself up to be the responsible one to be bigger to be relied on alllllll the time by everyone else who wants or needs him!#well. anyways. i digress#point is i hope dark comes off as 17 sometimes even if it's in a way that makes people want to tear out their hair
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I was rereading chapter 12 of system rebooting please standby and I found it just a little sweet that spamton was excited to see Kris (even tho it wasn’t them lol). tho he mostly was hoping for Kris to save his hide, I also think he was just happy to see his friend since he’s so lonely at that point
im rlly glad you liked that bit!! :D spamton will always have his more selfish motivations, and i've tried writing him so that if he ever does want/need something from someone else he goes into salesman mode, playing nice and innocent enough to get what he wants. But like they're his friend!! his buddy!! :D!! they're a puppet just like him and they helped to free him even if it was obvious he was up to no good in the first place! someone like that to return to him in his extreme loneliness and confusion would be a godsend, but he doesn't get those often. so whoops it had to be an addison lmao
I'd imagine if kris were to return, he'd be hanging around them and their friends to the point where it got annoying but only because he genuinely cares now and they've given him a new purpose in the world he's forever fated for. Though it would genuinely surprise me if he appeared again in canon (i think he's just gonna get the jevil treatment and be a quiet close-to-nonliving item in your inventory), but in this au hed be harder than hell to get rid of (akin to actual spam) hfjsksksk.
#i'd imagine he forms strong connections with those who give him the time of day#like the obsession with swatch when they treated him with kindness#or giving the thorn ring to noelle in snowgrave as she clicked on his ads#both of them were cons to get what he wanted (access to the basement + neo)#but deep down i think he cares based on his pacifist ending#it's his nature as a conartist as well as someone so beat down by the world to equate genuine kindness to potential suckers#maybe he thinks that if they're dumb enough to be nice to him they'll be dumb enough to help him get what he wants#not a healthy mindset to have#with kris tho it's different cuz like they're puppeted by us#he has TWO beings to swindle but jokes on u buddy we chose kindness anyway#and maybe he can sympathize with that seeing as he was quick to offer the dealmaker to us to help us on our journey no payment necessary :')#god i can talk about his connection and character development with us and kris forever#i'd also imagine he gets increasingly desperate and delusional once the loneliness climbs#just hoping for the most wanted outcome#it's like a hopeless optimism that never dies#he's a living oxymoron#i need to stop writing essays in the notes srry lol#fanfic#asks
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you guys know that "landlords are leeches get a real job" is a haha funny bit you say to illustrate the hypocrisy of the rhetoric surrounding work and what qualifies as 'contributing' to capitalist society and not a coherent leftist belief right? you guys are saying that because it's funny to watch landlords sputter to come up with a response to the kind of attitude they have always subjected tenants and renters to and not because you genuinely believe your worth is determined by the money you earn under capitalism, right? you understand that once you believe it is possible for someone (even landlords) to be a 'leech' on society if they arent working (or aren't working enough, or aren't doing the right kind of work, etc), this will bleed into the way you think of everyone else too, right? you guys know that legitimate and meaningful critiques of landlords are not and can never be based on whether or not they are working because that is irrelevant to the fact that they own property for the express purpose of charging other people for access to shelter, which is a basic human need and shouldnt be controlled by the whims of Some Guy just because its his name on the deed... right???
#good idea generator#preaching to the choir on this one for sure i just sometimes see interactions on this website that worry me#like babygirl what about people who cannot work due to circumstance ability or both? ppl who will NEVER work?#do u think theyre leeches too??? you can SAY 'oh well i obviously dont mean those ppl' but like#the rhetoric was designed to be used against Those People specifically to turn YOU against THEM when youre on the same side#its funny to use against the ruling class but its not like. effective except as a snappy comeback#additionally what about landlords who do work?? who have dayjobs??#landlords who do live in the property they rent. who rent out bedrooms or basement suites or the like#are these people no longer leeches? do you think this system of land ownership is fine if all parties have jobs??#do you see what i am saying. it is not possible to critique capitalism as a system#while relying on the frameworks capitalism uses to prop itself up.#you will only EVER end up tacitly supporting the very thing you declare youre against
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okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool
#okay so I came to this flat and he wasn’t here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film#I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates#has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so I’m like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be#how this guy is yknow#on Tuesday I get an email back saying he’s coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces#rlly friendly message that I wasn’t expecting. I also didn’t know he’d been on a trip i just knew he wasn’t there bc his door was open#(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and it’s tidy and pretty#and he’s got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I don’t wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I can’t clean it without moving his shit and#I haven’t seen him yet to talk abt it and I can’t bring myself to talk to him immediately bc I’m dying#and embarrassed as hell by how I’ve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen#but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and he’s super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then he’s cooking and like. spaghetti burns but I’m not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today#and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out it’s like#washed up stuff isn’t dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that he’s spread out than he’s messy#and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to he’s flying back home#and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc#and then cleans the whole flat?? which I’m assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. could’ve easily left#bc there are two people still living here who would’ve had to deal with it and he doesn’t know either at all#and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc he’s been gorging himself#these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet#and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar#he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar I’ve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude#now that the kitchens clear I’m gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise he’s gonna be eating out all weekend#he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday#regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection#of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didn’t know#well. idk where to go from here. I think I’ll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt
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im not allowed to be happy for more than a few fucking days in this stupid ass house with this fucking family am i. all because my moms therapist just tells her how shes soo good and she doesnt fucking Deal with her anger issues and now she fucked up my brothers and half of my problems would be solved in my parents didnt decide they wanted 3 fucking kids in a two bedroom house im so sick of this everytime my life gets better they have to rruin it howam i supposed to deal with this what the fuck can i do
#zylo's posts#vent#im so fucking sick of having to deal with everything just because i happened to be born first do this do that sorry you have to deal with y#ur brothers you have babysit today oh well you leave dishes in ur room so who cares if the brothers side is a pigsty#ONLY PLACE I CAN BE ALONE IS THE BASEMENT OR THE BATHROOM god i wish i lived with my gfs her parents are so nice and their ramilies actuall#functional i hate this stupid life i have just because of my parents shitty planning#when my brothers act out they rush to diagnose them but when i do its funny or iI NEED TO FIX IT#im so fucking tired 😴
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guys the apartment is so prettyyyy
#the plan rn is to move in completely by december since the place is unfurnished#and well have to get our furniture from our house in the hometown so theres a lot of logistics going on for the next month#anyways i went w my bro to check the place out for myself and aaah the room thatll be mine is perfect#its a bit small but like. in a good way. theres breathing room#i can already tell exactly where everything will be i cant wait to be able to start decorating it >:3#ALSO THERES A BOMB SHELTER IN THE BASEMENT??? u guys dont know just how safe that makes me feel 😭👍#also a cat lady lives next door and apparently the kitties hang out in the hallway which means ENRICHMENT FOR ME#piksla.txt
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GRRRRR I HATE IT HERE I HATE LIVING WITH MY DAD AND STEPMOM IT'S THE WORST!!!!! I AM FUCKING MISERABLE.
#weed screams#i just wanna snap and yell at them for traumatizing me. I'm so angry. I'm so pissed that I've had to deal with so much bullshit here#I've only been here a week after moving out of the apartment i shared with my brother and I'm already going insane again#i have to buy my own food despite there being plenty in the house. I'm not allowed to bring dishes to my room even for just a few minutes.#there's two large excitable not well trained dogs that bite and scratch me#the cats in the house have to hide in the basement all day (to avoid the dogs) and i feel so bad for them#i feel like im the only one who actually tries to relate to my stepsister. i feel bad knowing she has to stay here too.#my stepmom makes rules without TELLING ME. and then gets all bothered when i don't automatically pick up on em#and the wifi sucks shit so i can't play splatoon#i can't wait to move to New York i just have to wait a little bit longer#enduring the horrors once more till i can escape to the big city#this living situation is both infuriating and saddening. there is NO REASON to justify how stressful it is to be here.#like. when i moved out of this place the first time my mental health improved so suddenly my therapist said i didn't need to see him anymore#that's not a fucking coincidence. my stress and anxiety has a root source and it's this hellhole of a house.
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augughhhh. there's this one mediocre college in virginia with a 92% acceptance rate that i'd love to go to but NO. I LIVE IN CALIFORNIA. AND OUT OF STATE TUITION IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE.
#i mean i could see if it'd be possible to move in w/ some family temporarily & take a gap year to establish domicile.....#idk man i just don't think i can go up to my well-off academically-accomplished family in virginia.#and go 'hey i know i live across the country in a state with a fuckton of colleges.'#'but can i live in your basement for a while so that i can go to the worlds most mediocre state school???'#claude's meowing
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what is the truth. schrodinger's normal abnormal boy
#i was going to write a meta but i deleted it all bc i got embarrassed and can't put woRDS TOGETHER IN A SMART/CLEAR WAY#RHGHHH#its in my brain though i swear#its just abt daisuke's juvenile sense of confusion#hes young. hes a lil lost! he goes along with his family's phantom thievery but he doesn't necessarily completely enjoy it#it's complicated. he truly genuinely from the bottom of his heart loves art. but he doesn't necessarily like the stealing aspect#and he'd never ever steal anything deeply precious to anyone. he refuses to hurt anyone's feelings#but also- he's a little out of touch with things too sometimes. he keeps convincing himself he's 'mostly' or 'sorta' or 'pretty much' norma#when hes NEARLY DIED PLENTY OF TIMES thanks to his training#nobody normal comes home to electric doorknobs pitfalls alligators rabid dogs and lasers#his whole family is literally a family of criminals! he has live artworks w bonkers powers in his basement!#his own weird pet rabbit can FLY AND TALK#ud think turning into dark he'd be like 'well this might as well just happen' but in a way dark rlly was the last straw for daisuke#and like. there's nothing normal about any of this oagbdkgfk ESP IN A MODERN AGE!!!#but daisuke a) is a little willfully ignorant of it and b) genuinely ignorant of anything outside of it. bc again. hes a kid!#he doesn't have a lot of friends! he's a loser!#satoshi bringing up the tamers' cycles too. dark and daiki both agreeing that even if things seem fine now#that in the future the niwa and hikari would fight again. the niwa would cause the hikari pain#over and over. daisuke can't stand it. everyone keeps trying to tell him that his life and future is fixed#but if it's not one he agrees with or wants for himself then he's going to reject it#and that goes double for people like satoshi who have to reject krad. their sorrow and pain#bc it doesn't actually produce any beneficial outcome. its just senseless#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.
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...
#it is truly so wild to go from feeling miserable and hopeless all the time for... lets look at my excel sheet#the last 23 days. then to suddenly rocket up to smiling to myself all day. the world is so fucking beautiful#for no rational reason aside from what i have to assume is a chemical shift in my body#like is this what happy ppl feel like all the time? its truely so crazy. have i always been like this?#did i not notice this was a thing? like ive definitely noticed it in the last year but like ???#my suspicion is that it doesnt actually last long enough to b considered hypomania but like idk i should see a doctor probably lol#u would think being happy would make it easier to do things but i just keep forgetting to do them and just like spacing out lol bc rn i#feel chill. even tho i need to make a list of the shit i gotta do by Friday. bleh. but idk it makes being in thr lab so much nicer bc i#mean. i still dont give a fuck abt what im doing but im like fuck it this isnt gonna b my problem in like 2-3 months. even tho im sure ill#still have to write up everything. but idk. it also makes it easier to b like. ok so i kno what my problems r lets plan yo make things not#so horrible so u dont just live a miserable life and then like die having lived a life of fear. like its so crazy how much easier thst is#to do rn??? well see how long it lasts but yea v strange. wish i could control my fucking focus tho. like that would b great#its like the fucking painting of hypnose. my focus is like a lighthouse wildly swinging its light around until it sometimes blasts me in#the face. like not helpful. i need to b able to do things.#i guess the weird thing rn is thst while i feel happy. i also have this like simmering fear of irrational things. like when i used to live#in my parents basement and i was terrified of the dark rooms down there at night. like that kind of childish baseless fear#but like im in i tiny tiny apartment lol like bro what r u scared of??? silly silly silly#idk hopefully it holds out the whole rest of the week and then i can travel and see my parents like !!! yo !!! happy vibes :-D#that would b kinda unhinged lmao. i doubt itll last thst long. its already slipped from this morning so we shall see#unrelated
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I finally caught one of the livestreams last night (I'm in Canada so it's at like ass o'clock in the morning for me) and it made me so fuckin happy. Every time I catch clips of them on stage I'm reminded of just how much MCR means to me. I've carried them with me for over half of my life, their art has impacted me in ways I can't fully explain. I'm just so greatful to be here and to be alive to experience this alongside so many people who feel the same.
I just took my meds and also had coffee so It's Real Kvelling Hours™️ over here so ignore me if you find this sappy shit boring-
I used to get so embarrassed about saying shit like "This band saved my life" because I was scared of sounding cringey or obsessive, but they really did and I'm so fucking thankful. They helped me save myself, this community helped me save myself, and thanks to that I'm living a life I could have never imagined.
I remember being 12 years old, making my first emo little tumblr account and finding the MCR community. My friends and I making matching URLs and blog themes, sharing memes and making edits and just having so much fun. Throughout all the terrible, scary times I've been able to come back here and have a safe place to just engage in my special interest and find some peace. I might have grown apart from those friends, but this community has always felt like home to me so I don't exactly feel alone in it.
It's because of this community, as well as MCR's loud acceptance, support and welcoming of queer people that I've really learned how to be proud and unashamed of my queer identity. When I was in situations where I wasn't being accepted or treated fairly, it made that shit hurt far less knowing that there were so many good people out there like me, and that would support me. Now with all the scary shit going on in the world it's been really comforting to know that I still have this to turn to.
So basically thank you MCR for making art that's shaped me in ways I hold so close to my heart and will forever, Thank you MCR Community for existing alongside me and sharing this beautiful experience, we might not be perfect but I've felt safer here than I have any other fan space, and thank you Autism Brain for slapping me in the face repeatedly with this special interest for over a decade without a moment's rest you're the real MVP.
#lmao sorry for the ramble im just euphoric about being alive right now and after i caught the stream i was like#this is why#i really didnt intend to live this long but im extremely greatful that i did because after years and years of back to back trauma#and painful recovery#im finally living the best life i ever had#im about to go pick up my girlfriend who is the best partner ive ever had and also one of my best friends#yesterday i made a handful of new friends and connections at shul and ive found a wonderful jewish community in this city#ive made friends with someone who went through the same trauma as me at the hands of the same person and have found support and validation#as well as a really good friendship there#my friends are getting married and having kids and making beautiful art and sharing it with me#im making beautiful art and sharing it with my friends#ive also found a home in the local punk community and have been going to shows at sketchy little dive bars and basements and backyards#or just in parks downtown#im getting the surgeries i want for my transition and health and ive got a great medical team behind me and a new therapist and meds#that actually work for me#also my cat has just been such a clingy happy baby lately and is just the Sweetest little guy#life is good life is so fucking good and im so glad i decided to stay alive#if you needed a sign to stay alive this is it please#life can be so scary and awful and traumatic but there are beautiful things out there i promise#and sometimes they take a while and some effort to reach but its so fucking worth the wait and the work it takes to get here#community has played a huge part in that for me#humans can be really beautiful when they're loving and kind to others#anyway if you read all this congratulations we're best friends now thanks for watchinf me dissect my brain u can take some of it#and put it in a jar with some isopropyl alcohol :)
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anxiety isn't just being a little scared about something rational (failing your interview)
social anxiety & awkwardness isn't just you're "shy" and sometimes you say something silly.
narcissist personality disorder isn't just having an "ego."
schizophrenia isn't just seeing funny hallucinations or hearing voices to Kill Kill Kill.
depression isn't just feeling sad.
i'm tired of media, and well, some people as well, thinking mental illnesses are just quirky and fun traits all while watering down the actual disorder, or refusing to acknowledge the "uglier" reality of them. they're called disorders and illnesses for a reason. they're not just "quirks" you give a character to make them Unique !
#( 🧩 ✧ INFERIOR PUPPETEER ✧ | OOC )#// just bc i saw sb on tweeter post a screenshot of 4chan#// of a dude saying hollywood doesn't understand social anxiety - especially when they have the socially awkward guy get a gf like..#// from practically the Start#// and everyone on tweeter was of course making fun of the dude#// by saying 'well maybe bc he actually bathes and stuff!'#// and it's like yea - 4channers are basement dwellers haha#// but he's also got a point#// many hollywood medias depict mental illnesses & disorders#// without caring to actually understand them#// or even glamorizing them#// like there are many unrealistic depictions of anxiety and all this sooo-#// i understand that sdfjdsfnsdfjdsnf#// and rly even ppl on the internet having a problem thinking mental illnesses are just Quirky Personality Traits#// and nothing more beyond that#// most mental illnesses (if not all) tend to impact how you live#// and can make life a struggle
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im literally wearing two shirts, two pairs of gloves, a blanket, and i'm sitting with a heating pad, and it's still FUCKING FDR$EEZINGS SIOFHIUFVDKJUYAHSDCV ASZVF
#sorry#got viscerally angry for a second there#i just hate being cold#and i hate it soooooo much when ppl say 'well if ur cold u can just put on more layers :)'#this is only fucking true if ur wardrobe contains specifically warm fabrics. motherfucker. :)#this is like only an issue bc we live in a basement#im gonna have to start playing overwatch again so my computer heats up and warms the room#i dont want to play overwatch :(.#audhd coded posting#fellas is it normal to get so angry about your hands being uncomfortably cold that you get distracted for 20 minutes writing a tumblr post
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what if I actually had the mental health points to tidy and rearrange my room tomorrow
#my diary#it's been over 3 months and I still have stuff I haven't unpacked lol#honestly just looking at the room makes me sad cuz. well it's small#I don't really have room for like. a desk and a chair.#but donating my tv to my sister DID free up my bedside table/tray which is a HUGE boon#I might be able to jerry rig a nice little in-bed office space#which will be nice for job interview video calls cuz the basement setup is distracting and ugly and unfixable lol#it's the thing I keep getting dinged on in Get A Job School#my clothes aren't nice and my background is messy#surprise! the two things you need money to change are the two things I'm struggling with the most#anyway it's really hard to rearrange what little furniture I have cuz there's no space to do that#and it doesn't help that *I* take up a lot of space#idk I'm just sad about it#but there's not much I can do about it#the alternative is living in my car LMAO
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