#welcome to my twisted mind or whatever

[eugenoid-draws]

Vent art, kind of

[meatsex]

I don't know you, but I saw your tag on the "kinnie with a job" post and I'm so fascinated by this glimpse into your life. Do you want to elaborate on that experience?

ohhh i forgot i wrote that, its not as exhilarating or exciting as it might sound, its just shit from my personal life, but i have a reason to be mad, and actually these two parts of the tags dont correlate at all, so im sorry, either way:

summer 2017, i had finished playing lisa the painful, i really really connected to this one little guy, i did so much art of him, i still do, the app vent was going around, and kin culture there was crazy (if you were there you know), there wasnt any other kinnies abt this dude so it was #serious shit to me, im pretty sure at some point i began to just make up "kin memories", i probably wanted to dye my hair blonde, in retrospect i just really wanted control over being THIS guy

anyways, the other part of the story

i was dating this one guy, i think we had been dating for a year or more already, probably more, for reasons my feelings began to shift, i actually got really interested in one of his friends, i eventually told him about this, and i dont recall whatever the response was, but nothing really changed

in parties and get togethers i began to actively make moves towards his friend, i dont think i ever got to kissing him or stuff like that, but afterwards my still boyfriend would ask me shit about it and like, hype me up on it, im pretty sure he told the gc too because they would joke about him being a cuck, i dont know, i never found out

eventually we broke up, it was like whatever, if anything he broke up with me at a really bad time of my life but otherwise it didnt destroy my world or anything, we stayed friends and i even saw him a couple more times after that

then the 2020s come up and i find out that after we broke up he became an incredibly disgusting sex pest, asking friends of the gc or trying to make moves on them left and right, even if they had boyfriends, he also in general became a really disgusting and selfish person, i think the worst part of it all is hearing about it and being like "well fuck, im sorry, i wish i could say more but he legitimately never treated me this way", so honestly, i hope he kills himself i dont care

maybe after all of that i moved his brain so bad that he became an awful person, who knows, now hes a game dev for a project that might or might not make rounds, who knows, i dont care, i could make a callout on him but its redundant irl stuff, and i dont have hard proof or energy to put into it

(edit) i just remembered he also might have spread pictures of me, personal pictures of the kind a couple takes for themselves, so yeah i actually hope he kills himself

[junglejim4322]

I had a dream someone found one of my selfies anf it got like thousands of notes of people making fun of me and my mutuals had to address it like it was a legitimate controversy how ugly people thought I was and the first comment on it was some shit like “which youtuber do you think is gonna make a video about this first” as if sarah z was going to make an hour long video essay about how ugly I am

[wuntrum]

social anxiety at the post office has escalated to the point of having dreams where i go to drop off packages at the post office and they tell me i can't drop off that many at a time and i've been doing it wrong this whole time. 😭

[54prowl]

HIHI I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT YOU ARE VERY SWEET AND TALENTED AND WHEN YOU FOLLOWED ME I WAS LIKE 😱❔ because you are very cool!!

weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

[horsegirlalexkralie]

his ass is NOT following fire magic safety protocol

ive been reading way too much with hat atelier lately .. more fantasy au sketches below the cut

if u cant read my handwriting feel free to ask .. theres no real story here yet but alex is some kind of magic council nepo baby & tim is his appointed bodyguard & they are adventuring and kissing

[themoonneedslegs]

feel like I have a weirdly large number of mutuals on this platform despite posting nothing for years and generally being The Way I Am

[husbandhoshi]

Hello! New here on the page. Your comeback post caught my attention, and I would be willing to read 30k words

omg hi!!!! thank you for the input 🩷 yall r def helping me get thru the final touches before i post!!

[vitospaghetta]

Who would you say are the single most impactful and important characters in Leon's life? That helped him for the better and his growth. If it's alright to include both OG and Remake into this equation? ^-^

OG Leon: Chris, 100%. I've been holding my friends verbally hostage for years about how I will never quite get over how Chris gets Leon to smile at the end of Vendetta. Despite everything -- despite how close to the edge Leon was between the lack of agency over his own life, the survivor's guilt, the grief, the betrayal -- Chris managed to show him that he does put real, tangible good into the world, and that there are people who carry the same burdens he does, and that a problem shared is a problem halved.

On a much darker note (so CW: suicide mention), as someone who's struggled with depression for a very long time, I've always seen it as important to educate people on what drives someone to kill themselves. Those who haven't suffered from it themselves often don't understand that it's not sadness that drives someone to suicide, but hopelessness. It's the inability to imagine a future you want to live in, the allure of a potential end to your suffering, a self-perceived act of mercy. Leon's in that headspace when we see him in Vendetta. He's questioning the point of going on, his life feeling like a constant cycle of pain that he has no true escape from. He's officially lost the ability to see a meaningful future and that's dangerous. The fact that Chris was able to drag him off his bender and therefore out of that mindset by giving him just enough hope to cling onto moving forward is easily the most important impact anyone has ever had on Leon's life. If it weren't for the events of Vendetta, it probably would've been only a matter of time before Leon ate a bullet or carelessly drank himself to the point of falling unconscious and aspirating.

Remake Leon: Ashley. RE4R is definitely a narrative in which two characters grow through their experiences with each other, and I think in a very similar sense to Chris' influence on Leon in Vendetta, Ashley gives Leon hope. She's representative of the good in the world -- her trust in him, her kindness towards him making him feel something other than the pain he's felt for years -- and his ability to salvage it. She's a means of processing the survivor's guilt he still has over Raccoon City, a means of almost bargaining. At the start of the game he says that "this time, it can be different." If he can save Ashley, then maybe the pain he's experienced was worth something. Maybe not everything is lost. Maybe he can still help people in a way that feels rewarding. I think she shows him all of that and more; he's just unfortunately a long way off from fully processing his trauma at that point in his journey.

[fern-mage]

ok i decided im going to share my fucked up drawings here as well now sometimes. heres some of caillen. first image is him in the faewild with one of his worst enemies where upon entering the faewild his hair got a little shrek 3 style. second is his professionally taken baby photo

[1x20]

honestly i've been thinking a lot about my mom lately

i see her regularly and she and my dad are happily married still thank god but sometimes when i look at her i feel this sort of deep sadness

we had a serious conversation last summer wherein she admitted that she had basically staked her own happiness/self-worth on me and my sister's happiness. not success, mind you, this is not a situation where a parent pushes a child to do whatever it takes to become the best at xyz. just... us being unhappy felt like a personal failing to her

and i think about that all the time now. mostly in the sense that i'll never really know who she was. having kids fundamentally shifted her personality. we made her into a different person, to the point where she primarily defines herself as a Mother above anything else

i feel kinda guilty for that honestly. i know she doesn't regret a thing and i'm glad she loves me and i love her, but there's something haunting about knowing that you were responsible for a person's destruction/rebirth

and it's like... i hate the idea that she wouldn't exist if not for me/my sister/my dad. it's like she thinks she's more an object or a role than a fully fledged human being

and also that's where my dad figures into all of this. i have a good relationship with him and i know we care about each other and if i'm having a panic attack he's the first person i call, but he's also very stereotypically neoliberal cishet white man about everything

including my mom. he's so used to her doing the household tasks he whines when he has to do the ONE TASK she asks him to do (folding the laundry). he ridicules her hobbies instead of making space for them (yoga, french chanssons) - because that's for Women which means it's Cringe

i know my parents seriously considered divorce when my sister and i were in our teens. mostly because the whole puberty process was rough on everyone in the house, but additionally my parents are also very different people and my mom couldn't deal with how emotionally unsupported she felt during that time

and then there's the cheating thing. i have an abysmally good verbal memory so i can remember conversations i had 10 years ago like they happened yesterday. i was 14, in the car with my mom, and already self righteous enough to yap about stuff i didn't know about. i was talking about cheating, and how i didn't understand it, and how i would never tolerate it

and my mom got quiet. and then she said:

"you don't know what you're talking about and you shouldn't say those things. it's happened to people close to you"

[queerdagny]

I have lots of thoughts about key this blog is my stream of consciousness

[noct]

in a very strange & unstable mood tonight that could be remedied were i to sleep but it turns out i'm a dumb bitch & i'd like instead to indulge in it.

[moo-blogging]

Nothing in my head but Levi's sleeping pattern changed when he's with you.

He had a hard time sleeping. He would rather stay up all night doing anything at all, work, domestic chores, or watching the city slowly going to sleep as he struggled to alone with his thoughts.

He would often pass out in whatever he was wearing. He never had any pyjamas or sleeping clothes. He usually woke up on the balcony chair or the sofa. The bed he got was merely a useful decoration. He still changed the sheets every once in a while just to keep things clean.

But when you moved in with him, his habits changed. He started to have sleeping clothes (clothes that you liked to see him in at home), he lied on the bed every day, and sometimes managed to fall asleep with you. He was a light sleeper. Any small noise could wake him up. A distant traffic noise, or a drunk neighbor's slamming the door, Levi would jolt awake.

As time went, the time he woke up in the middle of the night reduced. And he would yawn when it was about bedtime. It didn't cross your mind then, but Levi would usher you to bed and occasionally fell asleep first as he held you in his arms. Your steady breathing next to him was a soothing melody. Without waking up, Levi knew how to hold you close no matter how you twisted and turned in your sleep.

One morning when you woke up first, you watched Levi sleeping peacefully next to you. Shirtless, he was sleeping on his back. He had one arm on you while another on his chest. You realised he no longer slept with his arms crossed on his chest. You snuggled closer to him, and he welcomed you even in his sleep. He loved you even subconsciously.

[eraserbread]

jealous hubby nanami? 🤷🏻‍♀️🩷🥹

guys... i think satoru likes us. don't tell nanami.

nanami's about to jump across the table.

one more touch out of satoru, and he'll ring the fucker alive.

there he goes, touching your shoulder again...

nanami's sitting across from you, satoru, and utahime, forced to show up to a welcome back dinner party he didn't even want. however, you planned it and spent so much time and energy into making it perfect, he had to show. i mean, you planned it at the house and invited all his coworkers, so he didn't really have a choice

only one huge, blinding issue -- satoru gojo, the fucking meathead. of course, he'd been talking your ear off all night, mentioning himself as the strongest and you as the prettiest. it's so glaringly obvious he's trying to piss his inferior off, because he looks right at ken when he mutters to you:

"didn't take you as a lady who likes the... big, mean ones."

"well, we started dating when we were nineteen. he was lankier then."

satoru hums in your ear, eyes covered as he leans a little bit closer. "so, you like 'em lanky?"

"... satoru. " nanami demands over his glass, keeping an ear for whatever ieiri is spilling him to his right. he's been locked-eyed on you all night—you wrapped up in your pretty little blue dress he picked for you. he wanted you to be his eye candy tonight, not satoru's and all his womanizing tendencies.

the familiar sound of his name has satoru giving nanami a glance from over his glasses. "ah, I know, I know. it's just so hard to believe... nonclanant, mean little kento got married before me."

"you're not the brightest... or the most respectful." nanami sips down his drink, muttering something else in the liquid neither you or satoru could make out. 'that's probably why.'

"ouch."

satoru backs off a touch after that, but its when you entertain him in further conversation, laughing at his stupid jokes, does kento finally stand from his seat.

"could you help me grab something from the kitchen, nanami?" he rounds the table, leaning down with a hand pressed to your shoulder.

"oh," you hum, eyes flicking from the rest of his co-workers, entertained by themselves and the others around them. it wouldn't cause too much of a stir if you left, so you agree.

not like you had much choice.

"i can't even begin to explain how uncomfortable I was watching you out there." ken begins immediately, not bothering with keeping his voice down because he's upset. dare he say, he's pissed. "satoru doesn't give you an unlimited budget, does he? he doesn't pin you down every night and fuck you so hard you forget how to breathe."

he curses and you're taking a tiny step back. you didn't realize he got so mad, and he was mad. you can see it in the way he's crossing his arms around his chest, big fingers digging into his own muscle like he's punishing himself.

"ken, i'm not attracted to him. we've been married for four years, i-" you stop, pedaling over your words carefully. "he's charming, but you're my husband. i love you."

"you love me, but don't respect me?"

you could tell him he's wrong, gentle-parent him for getting his mind all twisted, but his words are cruel and baseless right now, so you match the energy.

"there's no way you're insecure."

"it's about respect," now, he's raising his voice.

you raise your eyebrows. "and you know I respect you, what is the issue, here?!" once you start yelling back, kento caves, fingers working hot at his leather belt.

"i'm not fighting with you, just get on your knees."

read part 2? <3