#weirdest thing to me that i did that silly puppet show with one of the two people who had been the suit of armor in the haunted mansion | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

frostyreturns · 2 years

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The Hobbit (1977) Review

Since there has been no new Middle Earth media since the Hobbit movie trilogy I thought it was a good time to revisit this classic from the late 70's. Since the books cannot be improved upon, and the movies were done in the exact right way at the exact right time...there's no need for there to be any new movies or tv shows based out of Tolkiens middle earth. Thankfully this indisputable fact is acknowedged by everyone and no future Tolkien projects are even in the works. This as a fan is something to be thankful for because any Tolkien work produced today would be absolutely cancerous and the kind of thing that nobody should or would want to watch. And so it is into the past fans must look for a good time in middle earth.

I've read the Hobbit three times in my life, normally I only ever read a book once, maybe twice if I really liked it so to have read a book 3 times means I not only consider it to be a very good book…I consider it to be one of the best books ever written, a book that's near perfect. A book that was as enjoyable as a child as it was as a full grown adult. I've also played the hobbit video game a couple times, and of course watched the Hobbit movies a few times as well. This 1970's cartoon version of the story however I have never seen before now. Partly the reason I avoided it was because the interpretation seemed different than both what I had seen from Peter Jackson which I loved and from what I myself imagined from the books themselves. Particularly I did not care for the character designs at all. Bilbo in particular looks like a giant frog that just somehow has white skin instead of green. Elrond was the weirdest with a weird sparkly halo that surrounded his face, and Gollum was a weird homunculus fish creature, Smaug looked more like a cat wolf hybrid than a dragon. The wood elves looked like goblins on stilts and had a weird accent that was part Indian, part Russian and part French. Even the spiders look like crosses between spiders, rabbits and bats. The characters faces look somehow both creepy and severe while also being cartoonish and silly. It's a bizarre merger between a fantastic art style and horrible design choices. However character designs aside the rest of the art looks terrific and I love it. The backgrounds look phenomenal and everything looks painstakingly drawn with great care and detail.

The sound quality isn't great and at times it can be hard to hear what the voice actors are saying, the voice acting is also not very good. It's almost more like it's an audiobook being read to you with visuals than it is a movie. It comes across like it could be just one guy sitting there with the book in his lap doing all the voices himself, the way a teacher or a parent would read a book to children. Smaug for example sounds like a bored old man waking up from a nap. The background music however is very good and suits the story and the art. The foreground music and original songs I don't care for though. Although I do finally get the reference from the Lemmywinks episode of South park though. I half expected Biblo to have to answer the catatafish riddles. It just doesn't work for me as a musical.

The pacing is also a little strange, you've barely been introduced to any of the characters and already ten minutes into the story and they are up to the part of the book where they run into the trolls. Which also look kind of stupid. Actually now that I look the art somewhat reminds me of a studio Ghibli anime, it looks like it had to have been animated in Japan at least. It's also got the signature classic cartoon style of the Rankin and Bass Christmas specials. It's like a combination of studio Ghibli anime and Rankin Bass holiday cartoon special. I'm not sure if I expect Totoro to show up or if I expected it to be animated with stop motion puppets.

The movie doesn't spend much time on major parts of the story, things are glossed over probably for time and animation costs. Major plot points are treated like slight diversions and some are resolved in minutes. At the approximate 45 minute mark they are dealing with the spiders, which leaves only about 30 minutes for the encounter with the wood elves, the stay in lake town, the journey into the mountain, the encounter with smaug, the death of Smaug, the battle of the five armies and the conclusion and journey home. That's a lot to stuff into 30 minutes. It's like the opposite of the problem with the Hobbit movie trilogy which stretched things out too much.

One other weird thing was the song placement, at one point there were lyrics about the trolls debating how to kill the dwarves but it was played during their escape from the goblins with the Eagles much later on in the story.

All in all I think this is a weird vestige from the stories past, something interesting if not anachronistic to watch once if you've never seen it before or as a way to introduce kids to the story. However I don't think it's good enough to be considered a definitive version of the story. I didn't hate it, it was okay and I can see myself liking it if I had watched it as a kid.

#the hobbit #middle earth #tolkien

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everly-kindred · 5 years

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Everly’s Diary - Entry #31

Synopsis: Eve details the festivities happening around Hogwarts, and the spooky happenings that have occurred.

Words: 3,698

Date: 27th of October, 2026

Dear Diary,

Things have gotten really spooky around the castle now that Halloween is approaching. We did pumpkin carving, went trick-or-treating, had the Halloween Bash, and I threw a Death Day Party for the ghosts of Hogwarts! There’s also been some strange things happening, and I’ve had another vision. This time, it was scary.

I’ll start with the pumpkin carving, which we did on Friday. I carved a pumpkin with some stars and a moon, drank cider and ate pumpkin pie, and all of that was quite nice. I got to carve with Bonnie and meet this pumpkin person she had made in artificer club. I’ve decided I’m going to start going to artificer club because this pumpkin person was amazing! He has a little pumpkin for a head, a barrel for a body, and brooms and sticks for his arms and legs. He can move around and is very silly! He even tried to carve a pumpkin of his own.

During pumpkin carving, there was a lot of shouting. One Ravenclaw girl was throwing a fit and pumpkin guts at the professors. I can’t remember why. There was also Nora, a girl in my house, a third-year I think. She had this sign that said that carving was murder and said that if we carved pumpkins, we wouldn’t get presents from ‘the great pumpkin’ on Halloween night. I’ve never heard of such a thing! Eventually, she fled, but not before screaming, ‘MURDER!’ which caused an older girl, a Slytherin I think, to flee screaming like she was actually being murdered.

That night, Bonnie and I went around the castle to do trick-or-treating (and she brought her little pumpkin person! She calls him a punkeen. He had his own little bucket to collect candy for Bonnie.) I didn’t want to wear my full costume until the bash, but I did wear the tights and hat from my costume, and a black sweater dress. We knocked on eighteen doors in total, and got tricked a few times!

I started in the dungeons, deciding to go from the bottom of the castle up to the top - or I tried to, anyway. I think Professor Waldgrave’s door was the first one I knocked on. His door was tricked with spiders that crawl out and then vanish. I really thought they were real! The other door I knocked on down in the dungeons was the Ghoul Studies room. I got candy that time, but then when another round of students approached the door, they got attacked with water balloons… I, unfortunately, was in the crossfire and got wet. But at least I got candy!

Next, we went up to the second floor. This really colourful professor gave us chocolate frogs, but they started multiplying until we were buried in them! I managed to escape, and they vanished, but not before I could splat one on her door! But then she came back out and gave us real chocolate frogs and chocolate wands.

Then, we went to the tapestry corridor, where a really grouchy professor gave us candy. Bonnie’s candy eventually turned into a pair of dirty socks, which was disgusting, but my candy remained normal. After that, we went to the long gallery, which is where most of the doors were, I think. The first door we went to there was opened by a very kind looking professor with a round face and a dimple in her cheek. She gave us this pumpkin to open, and when we did, it exploded! Purple firecrackers and glitter in the shape of bats and orange, green, purple and black streamers flew out and got tangled in my braids! But then we managed to get actual candy from her, too.

The door after that was Professor Banks’. I got some pumpkin-shaped candies from her, but then when another group went by, I guess they got tricked. The hall started to fill with the smell of stink sap! So we got out of there pretty fast. After that, we went up and knocked on Professor Rask’s door. I really do have such a problem with not staring at Veela, and she’s no different! Every single time, I always end up going all moony-eyed like an idiot. Anyways, she gave us candy that made our voices sound like animals, which was pretty cool.

Bonnie and I stopped to talk and watched as some students got pranked by flying, screaming books that came from Professor Reuter’s room. We knocked on his door and got tea flavoured chocolates, which might be my favourite candy that I got that night! I’ll have to ask him where he got it!

We went to the Mythology professor’s room next, and when she opened the door, there was this loud sound and this puppet fell from the ceiling! It had a huge face and looked kind of like a creepy dog or… lion with three eyes. It certainly gave me a fright! I’ll have to ask her about it at our next class, I know she likes to do a lot of stuff involving her homeland, Japan. Then, she gave us candies shaped like the pretty flowers on top of lily-pads. Bonnie says they’re called lotuses.

Eventually, we found our way to the Defense Against The Dark Arts tower, which was probably where the weirdest encounter was. There was already a group of kids there before we got to the door, and when they knocked on it… The door sprouted eyes, and began crying really loudly and spraying everyone with its… tears? Anyways, we braced ourselves and approached the door, and when we knocked, it actually opened. There stood Professor Lane, and he was like… I mean… He had Christmas music playing? And was dressed like he was going out into a blizzard, and he had this board thing? Anyways he gave us these chocolate pie things that his wife had made. They were really good!

We went up to the charms room next. Professor Idylwild gave us these Turkish delights that tasted like butterbeer, and they made me feel all warm. She also gave us these orange and cinnamon flavoured ones, and they made me burp fire! I told Bonnie I was being transfigured into a dragon. Wouldn’t that be so fun?

We got some taffy from Professor Green, and I took a bite of it, but… It made me all confused. Bonnie had to hold my hand for a while, because I didn’t know which way was up! I ended up throwing those taffies away.

Then we went to the Hospital Wing, and got some lavender lollipops from Matron O’Rourke. After that, we used the clocktower to go down to the grounds, because I wanted to check the groundskeeper’s hut and the owelry. When we went to the hut, we got rained on by these rainbow candies and some confetti, and I swear I could hear Professor Eastwood laughing. But then, Professor Dracheblume came out gave us some candy. There wasn’t anything at the owelry.

We went up to the sixth floor and found Deputy Headmistress Blightly’s room. The door was sort of ajar, so we stepped in. Blightly looked like she’d been possessed, and we heard this voice and turned around to see a ghost who looked just like her! But then, the real Blightly started laughing and explained the ghost was her dead twin.

At this point, Bonnie was wanting to trick someone in return. She said that when you get tricked and don’t get candy, you get to trick the professor in return! So Bonnie did the gemino curse on the wood of the door and stuck a note on it for the trick-or-treaters to only touch the metal knocker - doubly clever so that the students know, but the Deputy Headmistress doesn’t. If someone touches the wood, the door will multiply! I wonder what it looked like when Blightly discovered that!

Next, we discovered Vikander’s door. When he first opened it, he tied the shoe-laces of my boots together! That didn’t stop me from knocking again, though, and when I did he gave me Feathersweet chocolates, and told me not to get myself killed…

Then we went down to the Muggle Studies classroom, and got some fudge rockets from Professor Hellstar, though he did try to give us bogie-flavoured candy first, which I, of course, threw away! After him, we found the flying professor’s door. He gave us a prank broom at first, that popped into snitch-shaped bubbles, but then after that, he gave us actual candy - also inside of these weird brooms that we had to break open.

He was the last door of the night. After that, I went back to my dorms to count out my sweets and stash them away. All the candy I got actually saves me a trip to Hogsmeade, which is good considering I had to set up for the death day party, anyways.

When I woke up on Saturday morning, there was this blaring organ music playing. Apparently, it comes from the clock tower! I want to go visit it, but Aures sent me a letter begging me not to. It fills the castle with ticking sounds, weird raspy laughter, and music that reminds me of the Phantom of the Opera. I’ve also heard whispers that it’ll steal your voice if you touch it! Or I did, anyway, but this was all later proved to be unfortunately all too true.

I had finished my pumpkin costume, which was fairly comfortable as far as Hallowe’en costumes go! I stitched it up with felt and orange thread and painted on it with black paint. I made a hat with the same felt and some stuffing, and then wore my matching orange and black striped tights. I also made some leaves out of green felt and used green thread to sew them into my tights so that they looked like vines.

We all waited outside of the Great Hall when the time drew near. Everyone’s costumes looked brilliant! Aures dressed as a faun, I saw a few students who wore white with blood spatter, a lot of winged creatures (Bonnie went as a dragon) and I overheard Talula saying she was the queen of thestrals, or something like that.

I’m not sure how, but the professors managed to turn the inside of the Great Hall into what I imagine the forbidden forest looks like - but with a lot more jack-o-lanterns. It was absolutely amazing! Like what Professor Gallo had done to the divinations room, but more spooky!

The Deputy Headmistress and Headmistress O’Keeffe showed up together, and Blightly was wearing a suit and a mustache! The Headmistress was wearing a black dress, but… It was fairly different from her other dresses. More, uh, showy I suppose. She looked brilliant!

I talked to a girl, a Gryffindor prefect, I think, who was dressed like an angel. She spoke so softly, and seemed sort of… distracted. Like she wasn’t all on earth, which is a feeling I think I feel very often. She had asked me if I knew the theme ahead of time since there were so many jack-o-lanterns and I was dressed as one. I said I hadn’t, and she mentioned something about foresight… and then quickly said that most people don’t believe in that, though. I told her I did (I know it all too well) and there seemed to be some sort of… an understanding between us.

After that, Levi approached me. He actually remembered me this time and thanked me for not covering my face up too much, since his memory is so bad. He came dressed as a ringmaster and showed me he actually had to write it down on his hand to remember what he looked like. I showed him my hand, which still had ink on it from when I was reading on Thursday. I write down page numbers on my hands if I don’t have a bookmark. That, names, important times, things like that. He seemed happy that someone else writes stuff down on their hands, too. I suggested he use a notebook to write things down, in case a professor tries to clean the ink or something with magic. I told him if he wanted to go trick-or-treating, we could go together, since he gets lost so easy.

I ate cakes and drank punch, and danced until I got too tired. I tried to sleep, though I had a hard time. The organ kept waking me up, and that night, I had the vision. It was such a vivid nightmare, but I knew it wasn’t just a dream. I dreamed I was looking into the Defense Against the Dark Arts room and saw a class was happening. I saw students, but I couldn’t figure out any of their faces. Vikander stood at the head of the class. He was covered in blood and was laughing evilly. Organ pipes had burst through the floor and filled the room with this awful off-key sound. It seemed like I was going to go deaf, and it felt like I couldn’t breathe. And then there was a whirlwind, and I was watching one of the large statues in the school fall over, and crush someone underneath it. I couldn’t tell who it was, and I couldn’t get to them in time to stop it. I woke up crying.

This morning, I went to the owelry and wrote the same letter to as many of my friends as I could think of. ‘Stay away from DADA, and keep your distance from the statues.’ Cheryl wrote back and told me I should go to the hospital wing and talk to a healer, and that everything would be fine… Because she doesn’t know that what I saw wasn’t just a nightmare.

Bonnie helped me set up the Death Day party. We got some of the rotting pumpkins from the patch by Dracheblume’s hut, and from the patch the Hufflepuffs had grown over by the greenhouses. We went to the kitchens and got rotting fish and meats from the garbage, and bribed the house elves for the stinkiest cheeses that they had. Bonnie even transfigured some black buttons into ravens!

Then, she used magic to hang up these black silk curtains in the dueling room, to really make it look spooky. We even threw some spiderwebs on them! Then, we set up two tables. One table full of the smelly stuff for the ghosts, because I read that they like it and fly through it because it’s the closest thing to eating, while the other was filled with some of the untouched food from the bash. Bonnie also transfigured some cool lights that looked like creepy hands coming out of the floor, holding lanterns.

Bonnie talked to me about being a prefect and Head Girl, which made me wonder if I would ever be chosen to be one. I ended up telling Bonnie about my dream, my worries and the reason I wrote the letter. And… I told her that I’m a seer. And she believed me! She told me I should tell O’Keeffe or Blightly, and then she left to go to Hogsmeade with the other prefects. I left and got dressed in the outfit I had planned - black from my neck to my toes. A silky shirt with ruffles, and a skirt that went down to my feet with gold detailing on the bottom. I used black ribbons in my hair, too.

Then, it was time for the Death Day party. I stood at the door and offered coffee beans to everyone, for them to stick in their nostrils to block out the smell. The room had gotten really gross smelling at that point, after all, and I didn’t want to chase anyone away.

At first, Bobby was the only living person who’d shown up. I saw a lot of the ghosts I was familiar with, and some I wasn’t… Like there was this one ghost who had a cat face and a tail! So she must have died by some sort of transfiguration or potions mishap, I imagine. She even had paws. There was also another ghost who was the Ghoul Studies professor a long time ago, and I think he was saying the organ took his voice. Another ghost I saw was one with a big bloody slit across his throat. I wanted so badly to ask them how they died, but I know that questions like those are huge no-nos when it comes to ghosts. They’re sensitive about it and all.

While we were at the party, an owl post announcement was sent that anyone who goes to the clocktower will be suspended, because of how dangerous the organ has become. I find this sad, as the clocktower is one of my favourite places to go. That, the wooden bridge outside of the clocktower courtyard, the owelry, the pitch… I’m sure there are others, but those are the first few that come to mind.

The cat-ghost suggested that the organ is stealing voices because it needs a voice of its own. The professor ghost pointed out when another voice was stolen as well, because a new chord was played all throughout the castle. Through a little bit of charades, he told us that when the chord changes, it means a new voice was stolen.

The bloody ghost - whose name I learned was Castiel - asked me why I wanted to throw all the ghosts a death-day party. I told him the truth, of course - that we’d been learning about ghosts in Ghoul Studies, and I wanted to be kind and show that they’re appreciated. He said that of course I’m a Hufflepuff, which I’m not sure if I should take offense to or not. I suppose not. There’s nothing bad about being kind.

The professor ghost used charades to tell me he used to teach ghoul studies. I asked him a few questions about the Battle of Hogwarts and all that, and then noticed that he had a cat with him. They seemed very close. Imagine being so close with your familiar that they’re there when you die! I read that Egyptians liked to be buried with their cats, I think because they’re meant to be protective. It makes sense if I think about it since Puck has been very sweet and protective towards me. Whenever I’ve felt sad or homesick, he’s come to my side.

Then the other ghost, Castiel, asked me to guess how old he was. His appearance suggested the victorian era. He said he was born in 1895, and told me to stay away from vampires. I assume that’s how he died, but I know better than to ask.

Jane joined us at one point, said hi, and then left, Marigold and Anton also visited, and then Deputy Headmistress Blightly arrived. She asked if we could speak, so we stepped into the hallway. Well, speak is a funny choice of word, because she had lost her voice to the organ. So it was more like… I was speaking, and she was using her wand to write words in the air. At first, I thought maybe Bonnie had said something to the professor, but actually, it was Essa! I had sent her a letter as well, and Blightly began asking me why I’d told Essa to avoid Vikander’s class. I told her I was a seer and she… immediately believed me. Just like Bonnie had. I’m starting to wonder if the curse of foresight is real, after all.

Anyways, I told her I had a vision in my dream, and she asked me to describe it, so I did. I told her about Vikander, the organ, the statue - everything. All the while, the organ was using the voices it had stolen to make creepy choir music, laugh, and basically create enough nightmares for me to last a lifetime. It even shouted! But then, it got worse…

It spoke to me in my mother’s voice… Called me Bumblebee, told me it needed me to go to the clocktower. I thought for a second that it had gotten her, that I had to go rescue her. Its voice pulled me like a fish on a line! If Professor Blightly hadn’t been there, I don’t know what I would’ve done… I might’ve run down there and lost my voice just like she had! She had to do a lot to convince me to stay put. It even made me hear my mother screaming, asking for help. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that sound. Essa walked me to the hospital wing so I could get a calming draught because the sounds were making me hysterical, and I also got a pair of the special earmuffs we wear when we handle mandrakes. Taking Cheryl’s advice, I also got a bottle of sleeping draught and dreamless sleep, because I sure as heck wasn’t going to fall asleep and not have nightmares without it.

Essa mentioned having the ‘Sight’ as she put it, which I asked her about. She told me the future comes to her, which means… When Bonnie told me I wasn’t the only seer in the school, she was right. Of course, I told Essa that I also get the visions. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone.

So as you can tell, there has been a lot of good, and bad these past few days. Other than all of that happening, Bobby gave me his scarf, which was very kind of him because it was honestly freezing in the dueling room, surrounded by all of those ghosts. There’s something very… sweet and heartwarming about knowing that the scarf I’m wearing belongs to a dear friend. Honestly though, I felt like my fingers were going to fall off by the end of the party! I also sent a lot of pumpkin grams to my friends, but I haven’t gotten any yet. I wonder if I will. I think that’s all I have. My wrists hurt pretty bad and I’m completely exhausted, so I’m going to go to bed now, and think of what I want to do when Hallowe’en (or Samhain!) finally arrives.

Much love, Everly

About the Character: Everlina Rosemary Kindred is an imaginative Hufflepuff attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She keeps up with her magical journey through a series of diary entries, dream journals, and tarot readings, all documented for future reflection. Her diary is a small glimpse into her enchanted life, and her adventure into the wizarding world and all its splendors. If you’d like more information about Eve, visit her wiki page.

About the Author: My name is Katherine! I am a 21-year-old Hufflepuff & Pukwudgie from Louisville, Kentucky. This page is my creative journey into the magical world, through the lenses of Second Life. Here I post diary entries, dream journals, and tarot readings all from my character’s perspective. If you’d like more information about me, visit my Flickr!

#harry potter #diary #witch #hufflepuff #magic #mischief managed #secondlife #hogwarts #journal

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crayrate-blog · 6 years

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Reverse Lookup CA

Web dating has turned into a very well known approach to meet individuals, and has in reality brought a ton of forlorn people together. In any case, only one out of every odd date turns out like an eHarmony promotion. So in recognition of Valentine's Day, we counseled perusers, companions, a couple of specialists, and various destinations (quite Craigslist Personals) to accumulate the most entertaining, weirdest, and most horrendous web based dating stories we could discover. Desolate individuals, broken hearts, false cases, dashed desires, doctored photographs, bailouts, and no-shows– it's everything part of the internet dating knowledge, and we uncovered a tad bit of everything.

"Beth" from Portland, Oregon, posted this note at a web based dating website:

Web based dating can deliver a portion of the most noticeably awful dates ever. The last person I went out with brought a sock puppet– a sock puppet– on our date and attempted to converse with me with it. To be charming, I think. Be that as it may, it cracked me out. Truly. Perhaps I'm out-dated, however no sock manikins, please.The old mid-date vanishing act has taken on an entirely different utility in the period of Internet dating. Display An originates from "Jill" in the San Francisco Bay Area, who posted the accompanying on Craigslist:

I get an advertisement from a person generally my age who has a hot bicycle, and a few pics demonstrating he's genuinely appealing. We email forward and backward a bit, he says he's certainly searching for a similar thing, lastly we consent to meet at a bistro. The main thing I perceived was the bicycle. He took after his pics the manner in which Stuart Little looks like Mickey Mouse. His teeth were dark, totally sickening, and he had a blister adjacent to one side eye. He must be 10 to 15 years more seasoned than me… . That, yet I got the unmistakable impression that he by and by knew where a couple of bodies were covered.

I couldn't resist. I expanded. At that point I couldn't take a gander at him by any means. I flipped the pages of the magazine I had gotten instance of absent and looked at him occasionally, considering how the [expletive removed] was I going to remove myself from this. So he says he will get an espresso. Also, heads inside. That was his first oversight. Leaving my espresso and magazine, and scarcely setting aside effort to grab up my satchel, I put my mobile phone to my ear like I had recently gotten a crisis call and truly pulled ass down the road to my vehicle before he returned out. Karma says I am going to pay for that. Fine.

Caroline Presno, dating master and creator of Profiling Your Date: A Smart Woman's Guide to Evaluating a Man, says online daters are now and then seen as powerless to meet individuals as it was done in the good 'ol days, as are some way or another "harmed merchandise." She relates this model:

An alluring, 30-year-old female instructor was truly anticipating her first gathering with a lawyer she had been messaging for some time. Be that as it may, on the date, before the server even brought the water, the person stated, "So how about we get down to it, what's up with you?"Jayne Hitchcock, Reverse Lookup CA a cybercrime master from York, Maine, reveals to us she's currently connected with to a kindred she met on True.com while doing research for her book, Net Crimes and Misdemeanors. Be that as it may, she says, she needed to kiss a couple of frogs before at last discovering her ruler.

On some internet dating locales, Hitchcock says, if a part needs to express fascination for another part in the wake of perusing their profile, yet without heading off to the outrageous of sending them an email, they can send an electronic "wink." "I was immersed with winks and messages in my True inbox," Hitchcock says. "I am dead serious when I state 'immersed.' Over 2000 individuals saw my profile. Of those, at any rate half were winks." Usually, however, what the winks really mean is: "I saw your image and I believe you're hot, yet I'm too apathetic to even think about reading your profile and it costs me nothing to simply give you a wink in case you think my thinning up top head is hot, or that no doubt about it."

You'd figure the obscurity of online communication would make it simpler for folks to put on a show of being smooth and in charge. Be that as it may, the inverse is frequently the situation. That equivalent namelessness appears to give a few men a permit to be impolite degenerates. "One person came directly out in the headline of his message and let me realize he needed to meet me and do 'awful things' to me," Hitchcock reports. "Another guaranteed he was a genuine cowhand in New Mexico and needed to have intercourse with me without any protection on his pony. Oy."

From Russia With LoveLoneliness can be abused, as some desolate hearts in the United States have discovered. The Web website of the U.S. international safe haven in Moscow has some a word of wisdom for Americans who think they've met their online match in Russia, and keep running into inconvenience. From the Q&A page, here are two of the issues that can manifest in such intercontinental sentiments.

The individual I'm writing to says that s/he needs $1,000.00 to appear for "stash cash" or the carrier won't let him/her get onto the plane. Is this valid?

(The Embassy reacts that this minx from Minsk isn't required to "appear" one penny to travel.)

I think I have been misled. I have sent this individual $2,000.00 and now I discover his/her visa is a phony. How would I recover my cash?

("Intense ****," the Embassy answers, essentially.)

For some long-lasting Internet daters, the names, actualities, faces, and interests of responders to their profiles start to run together. What's more, the constrained innovativeness of many dating-site individuals doesn't improve the situation. "John" from Chicago posted this "Open Letter to Match.com Girls":

Stop. Simply stop. You're irritating me. Above all else, your screen name. Quit placing "cheeky" into your screen name. Quit placing "citygirl" into your screen name. While enlisting, in the event that you endeavored to utilize "cubfan" as your screen name and it returned revealing to you that you'd need to make due with "cubfan57836," that ought to have been your first piece of information that you have picked a disgustingly predictable name. You are not sufficiently astute to consider something great, along these lines you ought not hope to be combined with somebody who is. Talking about Cub fans, quit saying you adore sports and that you "demonstration simply like a guy."And the equivalent is valid for the men. From Jayne Hitchcock: "I began to trim the rundown somewhere near erasing those with eyebrow-raising or out and out tragic screen names, for example, minor departure from 'loverboy,' 'mr. sentimental,' 'desolate person,' 'forlorn one,' 'kiss me,' 'genuine romance MD,' 'huggy bear,' 'party man,' 'hot upndown,' etc.– I am not making these up– and titles, for example, 'Hello there Beautiful,' 'Goodness!' 'Greetings Baby Pretty,' 'Hi, cutie,' and 'Me wink; you answer.'"

The Onion's Online Dating Tips offer this recommendation: Set yourself separated by picking an enlightening client name like SocialRetard342, CuteFaceFatAss, or RohypnolLarry.

"Sarah" from New York likewise come down her online dates to a couple of particular sorts. Here's one from her Craigslist post:

No. 6: Mr. EZ-Pass (Key Phrase: "I'm only a bounce, skip, and a hop far from New York City.") He persuaded me that the separation would not be an issue, that he went to the city regularly, so I said OK with certain reservations. Getting together for date #1 was an Act of Congress; he continued endlessly about the train plans. At that point he counterbalanced on date #2. He persuaded that he lived somewhere close in Jersey like Hoboken; turns out he was in Jersey okay… the piece of Jersey that is close to the Pennsylvania border.People all things considered, sizes, and financial foundations are searching for adoration on the web. Here's a post-date story from "mysterious" at Internetdatingtales.com:

I am 40 to 50 pounds overweight, yet I spoke the truth about it. This man was 5-feet-9 and said something most likely around 300 pounds. Be that as it may, alright, my concept of a bit [overweight] and his concept of a bit may fluctuate. So I wave at him and over he comes. I felt awful that I had sat outside, in light of the fact that despite the fact that it was a gentle day and there was an umbrella, he was before long perspiring like a jackass. Furthermore, the appeal, mind, and silliness he had on the telephone was … gone.

He muttered and squirmed, however continued seeing me like I was a glass of water and he was on the last part of a long stroll through the desert. So I did it. I am so embarrassed about myself, however all things considered, what else would I be able to do? I was certain each other arranged meeting had briskly dumped him. What's more, I realized he was a decent person, just not the person for me. I purposely embarked to sicken him. I began to chuckle excessively uproarious at the unfunny things he said. And after that, and I can scarcely type this, I really put my deliver my armpit, hauled it out, and sniffed it.

Shouldn't something be said about me? Here's my own (really my just) fascinating internet dating background. I was in school. In another city, Chicago, desolate, and cold. Her name was Bonnie, and her image on Nerve.com looked charming, even dainty. After a couple of talkative email notes, we set up a gathering at an elitist lager joint in Lincoln Park. I arrived first, sat at the bar, and requested a lager. Those minutes prior to your date shows up are priceless– my brain begun hustling a bit, I could nearly hear a low drum roll. Furthermore, there she was– she strolled in, sat down, requested a brew. The tattoo on her neck wasn't noticeable in her online picture. She looked somewhat unpleasant around the edges, Bonnie did. Intense, really. She was about my tallness or somewhat taller, and she was built– and I don't mean implicit a girly way, I mean she appeared as though she could seat press about twice my weight.

She requested another brew. What's more, one more and again. Her cool, disconnected mentality before long turned riotous and forceful. She lapped me a few times brew astute, and didn't appear to see, while peppering me with inquiries concerning past connections.

After around a hour I'd seen and sufficiently heard. When I easily asked off, asserting an investigation assemble meeting, she just took a gander at me blankly– at that point, I thought, a little menacingly. "Gracious, so you will get up and leave now, huh," she said.

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brokensmilefanfiction · 7 years

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Chapter Four

That was the start of my very weird friendship with Kit Harington.

We were always texting each other and even called each other every now and again. We talked about everything from acting and our respective jobs to politics and music. No topic was off the table.

I actually came to value his opinion and I sent him the video of my first vlog before I uploaded it online to get his thoughts on it.

It was a silly little video of me covered in cake and other food and then going through a car wash in order to get clean. I was on the phone with him while he watched and he was laughing so that was a good sign.

That actually became our ritual. Every time I shot a vlog, I would send it to Kit and get his opinion on it and he would always laugh! Whether it was a video of me just answering fan questions on twitter or me pouring washing powder into a fountain and playing with the bubbles, he always found what I did hilarious.

One week, when I couldn’t figure out what to do, I decided to get Kit in on the vlogging action. My plan was to interview him via skype and just ask him the most random and funny questions I could think of. To my surprise he actually agreed on the condition that I had to answer the questions as well.

So one morning while we were traveling in-between cities, I set up the video camera and my laptop and let rip.

“Ok everyone, so I was struggling for content this week so I decided that I would annoy a friend of mine. Say hello to Jon Snow himself, Kit Harington!” I said, gesturing to the laptop grandly.

“Hello.” Said Kit happily.

“Alright, so let’s get down to it, shall we Mr. Harington?” I asked as I got my phone, which had the list of questions I had complied.

“I’m slightly scared but alright.” He agreed.

“Question one: What would you do if you could be invisible for one whole day?”

“Ah…” he began.

“Remember, you have to be honest! There is no rating on these videos so you can be as perverse as you want.” I grinned.

He laughed, “I’d probably go snooping through a bunch of people’s rooms or hang out in a ladies change room.”

“Honest answer I like it.” I said, nodding, “I would probably just go and steal a bunch of stuff.”

“You’re so materialistic.” He commented.

“I’m poor is what I am.” I complained before I read out the next question, “Question two: what’s your favourite joke?”

“Oh it’s this really lame one. What’s the fastest cake in the world?” he asked me.

“I don’t know.

“Scone.”

I laughed.

“What’s your favourite joke?” he asked.

“You can’t ask a comedian what their favourite joke is! It’s like asking an actor their favourite movie.” I said pointedly.

“Easy, The Shining.” He said simply.

“Shut up! I’m asking the questions here.” I quipped.

He laughed.

“Question three: If you could be a woman for one day, what would you do in that time?”

“Oh god.” He said and he actually blushed, “Why are you asking me these things?” he asked.

“Hey, you agreed.” I said pointedly.

“I’d probably just play with my boobs all day.” He said simply.

“Well, at least your honest. I sometimes play with mine, just because I can.” I grinned.

He laughed loudly.

“Question four: What is the worst thing that somebody has walked in on you doing?” I asked.

“My mother. I was fourteen. You can guess what I was doing.” He grinned.

“For you at home, Kit was like any typical fourteen-year-old boy, he was doing his homework!” I said seriously as I stared at the camera.

He laughed again.

“Question five: what is the weirdest nickname people call you?”

“Kitten.”

“That’s cute!” I cooed, “Who calls you that?”

“My mum.”

“I’m sensing a theme here.”

He laughed.

“Question six: do you think you’re attractive?”

“No. I mean; people tell me I am but I just don’t see it.” He said simply.

“You mean you don’t just stare in the mirror at your pretty face sometimes and just think, damn I’m good looking?” I teased.

“No.” he grinned, “What about you? You haven’t answered the last few so you have to answer this one.”

“Do I think I’m attractive?”

He nodded.

“God no.” I dismissed immediately, that answer was obvious. He began to say something but I cut him off with asking the next question, “Question seven: can you list three words that describe yourself?”

“Why don’t I list three for you and you list three for me?” he asked.

“Good idea.” I said, “Ok, awkward. Perfectionist.” I listed.

“Those are kind of opposing aren’t they?”

“British.” I finished, “Your turn.”

“Funny.” He said immediately.

“I’m shocked.” I commented.

“Quick witted.” He added, “I know that’s two words but we can count it as one. And of course, Australian.”

I nodded, “Question eight: what would people hear if they could read your mind?”

“Complaining. Constant complaining. I never say anything but in my head I’m always complaining about stuff.” He said.

“So that’s why your always so pouty! You’re really just constantly dissatisfied with everything.” I joked.

He laughed.

“If people could hear my mind they would just hear a constant stream of bad jokes! Jokes that are just not funny. Hence why they are only ever said in my head.” I explained before I turned to my phone again, “Question nine: what’s your dumbest pet-peeve?”

“People biting their teeth together. I hate that sound.” He winced.

“What, this sound?” I asked as I proceeded to slam my teeth together so they made an audible sound.

“Urgh! Stop!” he complained.

I laughed loudly, “Mine is people talking in movies. I hate it.”

“Oh I hate that too.”

“Question ten: who is your celebrity crush and why?” I asked.

I didn’t expect this to be a question that would make him uncomfortable, but he suddenly blushed bright red and said, “I’m not answering that one.”

“What?” I complained, “Now you’ve got to! I’m curious.”

“Nope.” He said firmly.

I looked at the camera, “I’ll get it out of him later.”

He laughed nervously.

“Question eleven: what are you most afraid of?”

“Spiders or needles. Two-way tie.”

“I’m afraid of failure.”

“What?”

“I’m serious! All my life people have been telling me how hard it is to be a comedian and I’ve always feared that I would fail at it so that’s my biggest fear.” I explained.

“Well that was deep.” He commented.

“Yeah, we got a little serious there. Time to bring back in the fun with the next question. What is your biggest turn on?” I asked.

He laughed his signature uncomfortable laugh, “You can’t ask me that.”

“Well I just did.”

“Oh god.” He said as he ran his hand over his lips in contemplating.

“Is it something really weird? Do you have a sock puppet fetish?” I grinned.

He laughed, “No. Ah… can I say lingerie?” he asked.

“All guys love lingerie. Be original.” I commented.

“I can’t think of anything.”

“What? A guy can’t think of anything that turns him on?” I teased.

“Well what turns you on?” he demanded, turning the question around on me.

“A naked guy!” I said pointedly.

He laughed.

“Ok, question thirteen: what is your best talent?” I asked.

“I hate those kind of questions. I never know what to say because it will sound like I’m bragging.” He said.

“Well your pretty good at sword fighting.” I said pointedly.

“That’s true.” He agreed.

“Question fourteen: what was your most awkward sexual moment?”

“Oh Jesus, really?” he demanded, going red again.

“What?” I asked innocently, “Sex is funny when you think about it.”

“Not if you’re doing it right.” He defended.

At that I giggled.

“You go first.” He said.

“Well, a guy was trying to be all sexy by having fruit in bed and he dropped a strawberry on my white sheets and I made him get up so I could strip the bed and put the sheets in the wash. I was so worried about it staining that it really wasn’t that sexy.” I said pointedly.

Kit laughed so hard that it took him a few moments to recover, “Oh god, can I just say nearly being caught by my parents?”

“That will do.” I assured him, “question fifteen: what was your most embarrassing moment?”

“Previously mentioned.”

“Question sixteen: if you could commit any crime and get away with it, what would it be?” I asked.

“Oh I’d be a thief for sure!”

“Me too.” I agreed, “question seventeen: if you could see the future, what would you hope to see yourself doing in 5 years?”

“Hopefully still acting.” He said simply.

“I would hope to not be on a tour bus ever again!” I said dramatically as I stared at the camera.

He laughed.

“Question eighteen: what’s your perfect girl like?” I asked, before I batted my eyelids at him sweetly.

He laughed, “Well I’ve got to be able to talk to her. I’m actually quite chatty so I love talking to people. And a sense of humour is a huge bonus. I probably find that the most attractive thing about a girl.”

“Hear that ladies? Get out your joke books! Jon Snow likes humour!” I declared.

“What about you?”

“I’m the exact opposite to you, I like a serious guy. I’m always so silly that I like someone who can bring me back down to earth every once and a while.” I explained.

He nodded, seeming thoughtful.

“Question nineteen: what TV show character is most like you?” I asked before I chuckled, “I don’t know why I asked that one. It’s pretty obvious.”

“Next question.” He grinned.

“Question twenty: do you have any cool scars?” I asked.

“I do actually. I’ve got a lot on my hands from being hit with fake swords and stuff.” He said showing his hands to the laptop screen.

“I have a really weird one here.” I said pointing to the underside of my arm, “I stole my sisters Backstreet Boy C.D and she stabbed me with a nail file.” I explained.

“Over a C.D?” he demanded.

“It was the Backstreet Boys!” I defended.

He shook his head in amusement.

“Question twenty-one: do you think ghosts are real?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been to some pretty spooky places where I definitely thought there was something there, but I don’t know if I necessarily believe in ghosts.”

I nodded as I read out the next question, “Question twenty-two: what’s your favourite comedy movie?”

“Bridgette Mendez, the talk to the hand tour.” He said immediately.

“What?” I demanded turning to stare at the screen in shock, “You can’t say me!”

“That’s the truth.” He said simply.

“Your lying. I don’t believe you.” I dismissed.

“Believe what you want. That’s my answer.” He said simply.

“Well my favourite movie is anything involving Will Smith. The Fresh Prince of Bel Air was a really big comedic inspiration to me.” I said simply.

“Yeah, didn’t you say a while back that they were the reason you got into comedy?” he said, recalling our conversation from a few nights ago.

“I did indeed.” I said proudly, “Plus the Carlton dance is amazing.” I added.

He laughed.

“Question twenty-three: who is your funniest friend?”

“You.”

“Stop!” I laughed.

“What?” he asked innocently.

“Stop complimenting me! I don’t believe you!” I laughed.

“I don’t care. It’s the truth.” He grinned.

“You are friends with Andy Samburg, you think I’m funnier than he is?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Oh ouch! I’m telling him that.”

He laughed.

“Question twenty-four: do you like being tickled?”

“Sure, why not.” He shrugged.

“I can’t stand it.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I’m always afraid I’ll wet myself or something!” I said honestly.

He laughed loudly.

“I love how honest you are.” He grinned.

“I have no filter.” I told him as I turned my attention to my phone, “question twenty-five: are you afraid of anything silly?”

“Yes. I am in constant fear of looking stupid.”

“Yeah, I don’t have that problem.” I grinned.

He laughed again.

“Question twenty-six: what’s your favourite pickup line?” I asked.

“One that I’ve used or that has been said to me?” he asked.

“One that’s been said to you.”

“I’m looking for a Stark in the streets but a Wildling in the sheets.” He grinned.

I burst out laughing, “Someone said that to you?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my god!” I laughed, “Oh I love people sometimes.”

It took me a few minutes to compose myself after that.

“Come on, best pick up like line a guy has used on you.” He encouraged.

“Best pick up line or my favourite because they are two different things.” I qualified, “One of them worked, one of them didn’t.”

“Tell me them both.”

“Ok, well one guy comes up to me, looking all shy and stuff and then he goes, ‘I’m not trying to impress you but, I’m Batman.’” I smiled.

Kit laughed.

“And another guy came up to me and he goes ‘Your daddy’s a thief! Because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes’.” I said, “I slept with one of them. I’m not saying who.” I grinned, winking at the camera theatrically.

“Oh my god, I’m pretty sure this is the funniest interview I’ve ever done.” Said Kit, still smiling.

“Oh well, I’m honoured.” I grinned before I turned to the camera, “Say good bye to the fans Kit!” I said as I waved at the camera.

“Bye!” he called.

…

Unsurprisingly my vlog with Kit became my most popular one.

What did surprise me however was how it actually went viral and was trending on twitter for a couple of days. I couldn’t believe it when the video got over one-million views. From that video, all the views on all my other vlogs suddenly went up until nearly all of them had close to one-million views. It was amazing!

I gained so many followers on twitter that my account was actually verified.

But with that video came the new wave of rumours that Kit and I were dating. I paid no attention to them. Anyone with the faintest bit of intelligence would know that such a thing was just a rumour.

It made no sense! Why would a guy like Kit, who had his pick of the ladies, ever be interested in a girl like me? Not just because he was a well-known actress and I was a comedian living on a tour bus, but because of the physical reasons as well.

I’d meant what I said when Kit had asked if I thought I was beautiful; I wasn’t. My teeth were too big for my mouth, a fact that was made obvious whenever I smiled. My skin was a weird shade between pale and tanned, my brown hair was long and curly and I could never do anything with it, worst of all was my bushy eyebrows; I’d tried having them shaped but it had hurt too much and I had never gone back! Instead letting them grow so they looked like thick caterpillars above my eyes.

No, I was not good looking. And Kit most certainly was. Which meant any girl he was with would have to be drop dead gorgeous.

So I knew that girl would never be me.

…

With the two of us talking to each other so frequently and for increasingly longer amounts of time, the conversations naturally turned from light hearted and fun to more serious and personal topics.

“I sometimes worry about my career after Thrones.” He said one night.

“What do you mean?” I asked as I shifted in my bunk to a more comfortable position, it was late and night and we had been on the road all day.

“So far in my career I’ve been a little type cast as the brooding hero and I’m worried that I’m just going to be known as that guy you know? That I can only do one thing.” He said

“Well stop with your resting bitch face and smile a little more.” I joked.

He sighed and I could tell that this was something that was seriously weighing on his mind.

“Look, you want to have a long career, with that will come some variation. You just have to have one role that shows you doing something a little different and then the offers for other things will come pouring in. I guarantee it.” I assured him.

He sighed, seeming unconvinced.

“Look, it’s natural for you to have these feelings. This business is so fickle, a successful career in never guaranteed. If your only cast as one thing in order to make yourself successful, that’s the dice you have to roll. But if you want to have that variation in your career, you’ve got to take the gamble on yourself. Push for some different roles. You can only try.” I said seriously.

He was silent, so I decided to make a joke.

“Besides, with a face like yours, you could always go into modelling. Though your too short for runway. Sorry.” I joked.

He snorted in amusement, “Thanks Bridge.”

…

But the serious talk wasn’t just on his end it was on mine too.

I’d received a call from Carey earlier in the day where she did not ask about how my tour was going or even how my day was, she just told me that she had booked a modelling campaign with Burberry.

“She’s beautiful. I get it. She’s always been beautiful.” I sighed as I swung around in my make-up chair before the show, “Every time she walks into the room she’s the centre of attention. She just takes every opportunity she can to rub it in my face. I mean, that why I learnt to be funny, so I would have something to offer when I walked into a room.” I explained.

“What do you mean so you’d have something to offer? You have plenty to offer.” Kit argued.

“Yeah but I’m not beautiful like she is. I’m just not beautiful.” I said simply.

I wasn’t looking for a disagreement, it was a statement of something that I believed as fact. So I wasn’t prepared for Kit’s response: “I think you’re beautiful.”

#chapters #fanfiction #fanfic #real person fanfiction #Broken smile #Kit Harington #vlog #interview #funny video #friends

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